#[anyone who knows me knows that fiction is how i cope and how i deal with emotions. sharp objects in particular has been super cathartic for

[godblooded]

honestly i know it’s gonna be fucking hard but. i think to be able to handle this… i have to watch markiplier’s that dragon cancer playthrough.

[proudproship]

Not so friendly reminder that creating "dark" or "taboo" fiction can be a sign of childhood trauma!

More below the cut. Warning: long post.

TW: Mentions of trauma, child abuse, and paraphilias

Hi. I'm someone who studies psychology and sociology, and someone who also happens to have an interest in this shipping discourse stuff.

So, back to what I said a few paragraphs ago: Creating "dark" or "taboo" fictional content can be a sign of childhood trauma.

How?

When a child goes through something they consider traumatic, their brain will play the situation on repeat subconsciously, which can cause hypervigilance and symptoms of PTSD.

A common sign of PTSD in young children is that they will reenact their trauma with things like dolls, drawings, figures, and basically any other thing they can use to express their thoughts.

For example, a child who has gone through physical abuse may reenact similar things with their toys, such as making their dolls hit or yell at each other.

This symptom isn't limited to children, though. It is a symptom closely related to the presence of flashbacks and nightmares.

Many artists will create a "self-insert" character, "sona," or a character who is otherwise much like it's creator; when an artist creates a character like this and also has past trauma, their symptoms may reflect onto their character.

Projecting yourself onto characters can happen with other characters as well, even if you didn't make the character.

This is a healthy symptom. It shows that the brain is willing to become stronger from their trauma.

Reenacting trauma in ways that aren't harmful can help the brain process what happened to them, and can even help them deal with their trauma directly.

In order to heal trauma, you must know what your trauma is; you can't heal a wound you don't know you have.

While dark fiction creators are indulging in positive healing mechanisms, certain people will shun them for doing so.

"Antishippers" claim to be the "heroes" and to support healing, even though the thing that makes someone be considered and antishipper is if they're "anti healing through fiction."

Antishippers will throw the same ableist rhetorics around by claiming "if you ship adult x child you're a pedophile!" or "if you have age gap ships (even if both are consenting adults) you're a pedophile!"

This, not only is it hurting trauma survivors (especially those who have been harmed by those with paraphilic disorders), it is hurting EVERY disabled person.

Armchair diagnosis is not something anyone should do.

It is when there is little to no evidence that the condition exists within a person, though people still throw labels onto them to make them seem like they're a "bad guy." (Usually.)

This is also hurting people with actual paraphilias. Paraphilic disorder is real condition characterized by intrusive thoughts of a (usually abnormal or harmful-if-acted-on) sexual nature.

Even if someone claims to not be ableist but still demonizes and villainizes paraphilias, they're ableist.

Ableism is ableism.

And before an anti decides to call me a "pedo-apologist," go right ahead! You don't know what you're saying anyways.

There is a difference between a criminal and a disabled person.

Proship people do not support abuse. Anyone who claims to be proship but still supports abuse is NOT proship.

---

Of course anyone who makes dark content doesn't have to have past trauma.

There are many people who make dark content that don't have what they'd consider trauma, or think their trauma is unrelated to the content they create.

What if they did experience something traumatic in the future?

They'd be able to cope with it better, because they'd seen it in fiction before, so they'd know the impact of it, and how they could handle it.

Of course, not everyone who indulges in fiction will be able to handle it, though.

However, no matter if they have past trauma or not, assume the best when it comes to content creators.

They're creative and strong, and we should be thankful that they're adding onto fandom culture by just existing and doing what they love.

All people, no matter what fictional content they create, are beautiful in their own way and should be met with kindness and compassion.

Do not go out of your way to harass/abuse innocent people.

Do not go out of your way to be ableist towards content creators and content consumers.

---

Thank you for reading my long post, I hope it helped at least a bit.

Have a great day/night and stay safe, no matter your taste in fiction.

Feedback is appreciated, and reblogs are encouraged.

[dreaming-of-barbi]

That's so fucked up that people are romantizing Franco, because even Red Barrels are showing him as a total creep and disgusting person. In Outlast Tag I have a feeling that some artists are making him completly different character, making him charming/safe/lovely. I even have seen some people who were drawing him with normal face (without big forehead) and you couldn't tell them that it's the right character design! I feel like Franco enjoyers are more agressive than fans of other Outlast character. Even with Coyle/Eddie simps they seem to understand that they are evil and they murder others, but with Franco I feel like they can take it when someone tell them that he's grown up, murder people in very brutal way and his voice lines are just disgusting... it really seems that people are getting agressive only because someone tell some shit about 🎀✨️Franco🎀✨️. I know his fans isn't the only one that have stick in their ass (cause I seen a lot of shit bout Coyle/Big Grunts/Easterman etc.) but yall need to understand that FRANCO IS A GROWN ASS MAN and you would run for your life if you'd meet someone in irl as 1% fucked up as he is. Saying that he's just a Baby and he made nothing wrong is just 🤮 and problem is in yall if you justificate him and things he made.

idk how to tell you this ,,,, but this game is fictional. The characters are fictional. You're free to feel however you want about them, just like I and anyone else is.

I partially agree with the part about changing his appearance to make him look more "normal" or whatever, but at the same time people are allowed to interpret their favs however they want to. They can draw / write for him however they want to. I don't like "fixing" his face, just because it (personally) feels like saying "he's too ugly", but again, that's just me. As an artist, I know that people are going to have different interpretations of a character I like. It's just part of other people existing in the world. Not everyone thinks like you do, and that's okay.

Do you know how many posts I saw (and STILL see) about Eddie Gluskin, doing essentially the same thing as what you said people do with Franco?? That man would cut you open to "make a baby in you" no hesitation and people still ""romanticize"" him (me fuckin included I LOVE YOU EDDIE). Its just part of liking fucked up characters, some people are going to want to make them more "normal".

Personally, I see the normalization as more like wanting to give him some normalcy in his life, because of his past / lore. I love the idea of letting Franco have a normal life, be a normal person. A life where he never had to deal with the stupid Mafia stuff, had a decent father and never ran into Murkoff, having a normal, happy life. But, I also seriously adore his original, fucked up character.

Honestly, who actually cares if people are "justifying" his actions??? None of them are real. He is not real. I have never understood the sentiment that you have to make sure people know you don't justify a fictional characters actions... they are not real. It's not a real person. None of the things he did happened.

Maybe it's just me, but I would not run from someone like him. That's not some edge lord "im so evil and dark" bs but because of my real life experiences. Been with and around people in my life / family who are quite like him and I didn't run.

I imagine some of us are using it as a sort of coping mechanism, because (at least for me) some of us dealt with people who treated us like he would. Though, that's getting into personal territory, and I won't try and speak for others.

All I can really say is either learn that not everybody's going to have the same ideas as you or block the tag. Sorry if that's too harsh a response, but life is too short to really give that much of a fuck about someone /something other people like.

And I've said this before but this is literally Outlast, all of the characters are this fucked up, it's not just him.

Like does no one remember Outlast 2??? Does no one remember the pile of dead burnt babies, or the hundreds of other fucked up things in that game?? I really feel like Franco does not compare.

So, can we please just be over with this now? I mean, drama is totally fun and I love it, but I can imagine others don't.

[paperstorm]

The argument/make-up in 2x04 is really one of my favourite Tarlos stories because I just love when conflict in fiction is the direct result of two people’s individual traumas bumping up against each other, rather than someone being a villain.

Both of them in this episode are coming from a place of having a large trauma in their past that the other doesn’t know all the details of. Carlos hasn’t told TK anything, at this point, about how his coming out went and how much pain he is in every single day because he feels like his parents don’t fully accept him being gay. He avoids the topic of his parents at Owen’s party when TK brings it up because he’s in a honeymoon phase with TK and he’s never had that before with anyone. He believes – like he says at the end when they make up – that he might never be able to have a real relationship. And he does likely know that at some point they’ll have to discuss his parents but he has never been as happy with anyone as he is with TK (insert season four context of he felt broken until the day they met) and he isn’t ready just yet for the dreamy bubble they’re in to be burst by reality.

So he deflects, in what will become a signature personality trait of Carlos’s – chronic avoidance and making jokes to get out of conversations he isn't ready to have. And then by accident they run into Gabriel and Andrea, and Carlos, still not ready to do this, panics and introduces TK as his friend. He knows he shouldn’t have done that, but trauma, so he acts like he doesn’t understand why TK is upset and he makes a joke out of it. He’s been anxious this whole time about how TK, who is so out and loud and proud, is going to react when he finds out Carlos is still half in the closet, and this is the very reaction he was so afraid of and why he avoided it for so long.

None of it is done with malintent, it’s all self-preservation and learned coping mechanisms from things in his past that have left such deep scars, but TK doesn’t know that, so it hurts him anyway.

TK, meanwhile, is still pretty fresh off of getting his heart broken so badly that he tried to kill himself. He went to Austin in a truly horrendous state of pain and trauma and heartache. He wasn’t planning on meeting his soulmate so soon, he wasn’t ready to meet his soulmate because of how much his heart was still in tatters, which is why we get him being so wishy-washy in season one. By early season two he’s also very much in that honeymoon phase, but that doesn’t mean his wounds are fully healed yet. He asks Carlos about his parents, it feels implied in the party scene that it isn’t the first time he’s asking about them. He’s given Carlos the opportunity to have the conversation that they need to have, but Carlos has changed the subject.

Then they run into them. TK is so happy to meet them, and then so instantly crushed when Carlos introduces him as a friend. He’s upset all the way home, and Carlos – for reasons TK doesn’t understand yet – is acting like it’s not a big deal. TK storms out because that’s how he copes with things at this stage in his emotional development, and leaves some hurtful words for Carlos as a parting gift. Not a mature way to handle things, but in a later scene with Owen and Gwyn it’s revealed how hurt TK really is. “I wanted him to tell them who I was and what I mean to him,” TK says, all dejected. “Maybe he did. Maybe we are just friends.” Because Alex also told TK "I love you", and then cheated on him. TK’s lingering Alex trauma bubbles back up; fuck not again, not another man who says ‘I love you’ to my face but then hides me and doesn’t really want forever with me, even though that isn’t really what’s happening with Carlos.

If it wasn’t for Alex, TK probably wouldn’t have been half as upset by any of this and would have been more receptive to hearing an explanation, but Carlos doesn’t know that, so it hurts him anyway.

It’s just such good conflict. They’re both right, and they’re both wrong. They’re both operating from places of extreme hurt that isn’t the other person’s fault, and they’re both operating from places of not understanding the extent of what the other is going through. And in the scene where they make up you can see how much love there is and how much they both really want to understand the other better. It’s such a beautiful way to love someone, to say to each other “let me meet you where you are and love you the way you need to be loved, even if it’s different from how I need to be loved.”

[mishy-mashy]

Do you think Banjo is the type of person who hides his problems behind a clown mask?

The guy acts like a bit of comedy relief, but I think he's the kind of person to face his problems head-on. I don't think he uses humor as a coping mechanism. We never see him do that for himself. He's just a loud guy

Look at how he first appears to Midoriya

He's loud, and it steals Midoriya's attention. But he's calling him out on why he's messing up

But as a character's debut, the first things he does are:

Call out Midoriya for trying to do things alone, when Yoichi's first message to him was that he wasn't

Tell him that if he can compose himself, things typically work out

Understands Midoriya's side of things, and tells him he knows (like lacking a mouth)

And once he says those two previous things, he exhales, and his eyes show their pupils properly

The parting advice he gives Midoriya is a reiteration of the second point: It's okay to be mad. What's important is controlling your heart.

Blackwhip is a Quirk that responds to the holder's emotions. Like other Quirks, but Blackwhip goes out of control when the user isn't able to get a grip on themselves

Banjo used his Quirk effectively. He'd have to live that advice to pass it on to Midoriya, back when Abilities were starting to become normal, but Japan was still wrecked. And we know that Quirks are influenced by, and influence, the holder's personality.

Banjo would have to be able to be honest with himself, understand his emotions, and has the maturity to say it's okay to be mad. Just control it.

When he said that for the first time, it actually surprised me. Everyone in fiction or reality says "Don't be mad", but a character on his debut and says it's okay to be that. I never heard anyone say that controlling your emotions and outputting them in a healthy manner is what matters. People just say not to he negative or annoying, because it's inconvenient; but Banjo went past that.

And when he fades, he tells Midoriya he's got this. He reminds him that they're all behind him.

Whenever he speaks, he doesn't make the receiver feel bad, or speak down to them. He understands them, and gives the next step in a familiar, friendly way.

On his debut, he told Midoriya to control his heart, and to remember he wasn't alone. Here, he tells him he should try understanding their Quirks better.

He's actually got a mature way of seeing things. He's an adult, and being the holder between Shinomori and En, he wouldn't be able to deal with either of them if he wasn't mature about himself. Shinomori probably wouldn't choose someone who can't be honest with himself upfront, after spending almost half his life for OFA. And En is young, prone to panic, and a guy who acts like his problems aren't there or funny wouldn't help that.

I can visualize Banjo sitting at a small fire with Shinomori, having an honest, calm talk about life (until Shinomori says the wrong thing and Banjo yells something about it). But not Banjo trying to push his problems down with a hearty laugh, and Shinomori being okay with that.

When Midoriya used his Quirk for the first time, Banjo did get loud at the start, but he did lecture him in a way that was kinda teacher-mentor-ish.

I actually like the way Banjo talks about his observances. He's got the demeanor of a good teacher, he's clear, and direct. He's light-hearted about serious things, but doesn't diminish them. He just approaches it in a way that you aren't feeling the pressure, and can feel like it's possible.

He seems to have this habit of being loud to get people's attention, and simmers down once he has it. He's never indirect or leaving the addressed to figure out the answer on their own, he gives it outright.

When Midoriya used Blackwhip for the first time, Banjo was all "You got it all wrong!" and then explained things. Since he felt himself fading, he could've been talking louder to compensate himself past the daze he felt. To make sure he was talking, heard, and to keep himself awake

When the first Three made the void silent because Kudo and Bruce didn't want to help, Banjo broke it with what Midoriya should do next

When Shinomori got yoinked, the first thing Banjo did was report it in a panic to Midoriya. This just tells Midoriya he really has to be careful now, because OFA can really be stolen. Even if Banjo just panics and doesn't say that aloud

Every time Banjo is facing some kind of problem, he doesn't let others panic too hard. He's not pressuring about problems, and steps back to let Midoriya figure things out.

When Midoriya was running himself into the ground, Banjo was one of the vestiges that didn't show up to tell him to rest. He already understood how Midoriya saw things, and was doing them his own way

Rather than trying to be a clown, I think Banjo is just a friendly person. He's honest with others and with himself, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to utilize Blackwhip right, or be the holder between a sagey hermit and young, scared adult.

[boydepartment]

i have something to say and idk if it’s controversial or not. noncon/dubcon mentioned

i’ve had to block a few ppl in the enhypen tag like just #enhypen or #riki or #riki x reader . because of how much

noncon/dubcon riki stuff is in the predominately sfw tags.

i do not personally agree with that little community who writes sm-t for him bc all of them have this ego complex of “i’m just better bc i don’t care >:(“ no, you have a really irresponsible and immature mindset when it comes to conflict. just because you “don’t care” doesn’t make you a good person or better than people who tell you to c-t yourself or d-e. it’s even worse if you’re like “i know i’m not a good person >:)” like okaaaay joker go rob a bank or something then.

back to the point- it’s to the grey area of time now where you can’t really stop them now anyways because it’s down to personal preference and their comfort of writing for him that way whether it’s “morally correct” to me or anyone reading this or not.

the one hill i will die on though, is i do not fw dubcon or noncon. even if its written as a trauma response sharing it and pushing your idols or celebrities(riki or other idols) into that is extremely horrible. if you write it because of trauma- keep it to yourself, and that’s none of my business. people cope in different ways whether i agree with it or not. writing your favorite idols as r-pists or manipulators to get what they want s-ually is extremely messed up especially when posted onto a public platform in regular #(insert idol group) and predominantly not nsfw tags. it’s irresponsible and subjects a younger audience(especially on tumblr. ao3 is another mess but at least ao3 is primarily used by an older crowd) to being exposed to thinking intimate acts like that is normal, when its absolutely not. and you might think “who would think that? it’s writing!” the amount of times people have openly stated in the fanfiction community admitting that they have never had s-x but will just write what they’ve picked up on is insane. same argument that p—n ruins mental health and mental image of healthy relationships if exposed to watching and consuming that content for too long.

this is coming from someone who was r—ed. i think it’s extremely insensitive to push idols onto that whether it’s written as a trauma response to the action or not. you’re putting innocent people and writing them as r-pists. fiction or not that’s weird.

and if it’s not written as a trauma response, i don’t understand the smut dubcon/noncon community’s fascination of getting r-ped. it’s a terrible thing to happen and i don’t wish it on anyone. the ptsd from it and how unclean you feel is so gut wrenching and there’s nothing you can do about it. part of your life gets taken from you and you can never get it back. there is lifelong trauma after that. almost everyday i wish after it happened to me he just killed me so i wouldn’t have to live with it. i still get nightmares and it’s led to sh and other mental issues that i just have to deal with now. why is that a fantasy to people?

back to the topic of people writing noncon/dubcon for riki (or any other idol but i’ve been seeing WAY too much for riki)

i might get comments saying “it’s not that serious it’s fanfiction it’s not real”

you’re writing about an 18 year old boy r-ping someone (the READER)

it’s the same argument of nsfw drawings of characters who are children. just bc it’s not real doesn’t mean it’s not fucked up and weird.

it is that serious and it’s weird and gross and mentally deranged. i will die on that hill.

i wont attack these people or start fights like i used to, i have a life outside of tumblr. but on my downtime i do check the #enhypen tag. and to see this shit sometimes floating around or even on the #riki tag. is just fucked.

idk it just upsets me, i obviously block these people and move on from my life bc i have goldfish memory but there’s like five accounts that just kept popping up in the past week that i’ve had to block. i know some people might be like “oh you really showed them!!1!!1!” in an annoying way, but either way i stand by my point that it’s fucked up and i’m human so i’m allowed to get upset by it.

[autistichalsin]

Okay, I’ve been a bit scared because I’ve been observing from the sidelines, but I do want you to know this isn’t a hateful or troll ask, I’m genuinely asking for clarification.

In my experience, “pro-shipping” has always meant ‘problematic shipping’, and all of the people I’ve talked to about this have said the same thing.

Am I the one who’s misconstrued? I really don’t get it.

Being called “pro-harassment” or “pro-censorship” is hurtful and confusing as all hell.

I don’t harass people for what they create. I don’t care to do that. I block and move on, and warn people if I know they could be upset by the content.

But I also don’t understand how certain things are justified.

I am personally not bothered by much, but I have watched friends and acquaintances go through visceral traumatic reactions because people have decided to air out their coping by sharing it with the public. (I.E, people who write romantic incestual fics, etc)

I don’t give a shit what people write. I really don’t. But it feels harmful to use the excuse of coping when you, in turn, could be hurting dozens of others.

Like I said, I genuinely am not trying to be hateful here. I’m confused, and still distraught that all of this is happening. I don’t think anyone deserves to be harassed. I just also don’t get the logic here.

Pro-shipping never once meant problematic shipping. It meant opposite of "anti" because antis would come and invade the tags and asks, calling them all kinds of names if they found their ships distasteful.

Sorry that being indirectly accused of supporting harassment hurt your feelings. Imagine how I felt, being DIRECTLY accused of supporting rape in real life because of my taste in fiction. You are throwing in your lot with people who can't distinguish fantasy and reality.

I don't like incest fics either, anon. They are triggering for me. So you know what I do? I don't read fics tagged as incest. For that reason, I have never been triggered by an incest fic. I suppose I would be if I read an incest fic that wasn't tagged as much, but you will never find a single pro-shipper who defends posting such content without a tag. You are responsible for your own experience online; it is your job to curate the content.

If it was just seeing that the fic exists that triggered the response, then I'm sorry to say they're still in the wrong. As a survivor, learning that triggers exist and how to navigate those triggers is on you. We are responsible for how we deal with our trauma. Your friends didn't deserve their traumas, and they deserve kindness and support, but requesting that people never be allowed to write distasteful fiction so that they don't have to be upset by the idea that someone somewhere shipped incest is not reasonable. Their feelings are valid; it's totally reasonable to be triggered, to strictly curate your online experience. It's reasonable to block everyone who ships the upsetting incest ships, to put an "incest shippers DNI" on your page, all of it. It's not reasonable to call them supporters of IRL incest or to accuse them of causing your trauma. It isn't hard at all on AO3 or Tumblr; they even give you the option to blacklist/filter out certain tags so you can avoid it without blocking users. There's easily half a dozen safeguards that already exist that are a lot less radical, a lot less likely to be weaponized against queer users, and a lot easier to enforce than trying to remove them.

Me writing fics, such as a character using kink to cope, can only harm a user who doesn't curate their feed (and who reads fics they know will trigger them, which I can only assume would then be a purposeful form of self-harm). Denying other survivors their coping mechanism, though, IS a direct form of harm. Stigmatizing recovery by saying that survivors are in any way akin to abusers for creating fiction is a direct form of harm.

It sounds to me like you've absorbed some very harmful and very narrow ideas of what recovery should and should not look like, and what is and isn't a good/valid survivor. You might want to reflect on why you're turning your attention to policing what survivors do to cope so much.

[xerith-42]

Some Slightly More Coherent Thoughts about Void Paradox

Riveting title, I know, but this is the quality content I'm sure... 50 of you signed up for? When the fuck...? How are there so many of you?? And in spite of that title, this post is still long as fuck

Anyways I finished Void Paradox and it sure made me feel a certain way. [Cut to footage of me literally screaming anytime Laurance showed emotion in the series]. Gotta say, as a long time Laurance fan, this is really nice to have. I've been going on my tirades about how Jess ruined Laurance for the sake of Aaron, and how Laurance never really bounced back from this character assassination, but I wasn't entirely right. He sort of bounced back?

Well, we got this. I still would have liked Laurance in Love-Love Paradise but I guess I'll take him in this series. And honestly, it's the best Laurance content I've gotten that isn't fan content since... well, since I first watched the show back in 2015 when I was a literal fetus. Every time after I've gone back and watched as Laurance got written poorly from honestly really early episodes sometimes (looking at you Episode 65), and had to deal with the unfortunate truth that he was essentially unimportant to the story Jess decided to tell with both her series, despite being the main character of one of them.

It's so refreshing to have quality Laurance content, and we got a variety of it in this show. He's so expressive, so alive, so emotional. I've always loved Laurance because surprise surprise, the men in my life weren't always the most emotionally vulnerable, so I latched onto fictional men who were as a coping mechanism! Yayyy! And Laurance has always been a very emotionally vulnerable character, at least in the beginning. It's part of the tragedy that is his character arc in Season 2. That Laurance is usually vulnerable, that he's the one who's always willing to talk about his emotions, but the calling is making it harder to open up, and the world has only become crueler to men like him who dare to feel too much.

Wow I just keep sliding into depressing content in this post, I'm trying to praise Laurance's writing in this series. Because it's good. I have my problems with Void Paradox as a whole, but as a showing for my favorite character in the entire Aphverse, a chance at redemption, it's fantastic. As I said Laurance is so expressive in this series, largely thanks to Sebastian Todd being an absolutely phenomenal voice actor who clearly knows and cares about this character. His performance is absolutely excellent and a great high note for this character to go off on.

I cannot emphasize how much I adore every little thing about Laurance's portrayal. The flirtiness, the smug bastard energy, the very sincere and open care, that one scene where he gets super embarrassed and then whimpers that I haven't listened to like eighteen times. The whole thing is great. His dynamic with this alternate version of Aphmau is so good, it's so great to see him bounce off of other characters. I just love it so much.

That scene where he realizes that he's in a similar scenario to the Nether and literally instantly jumps to "If it comes down to it, let me sacrifice myself," I SCREAMED AT THIS. The whole series whenever he angsts over his old world I scream, but that line really hit me. Fuck whatever you say about Laurmau in every universe, the universal truth of Laurmau, nay the universal truth of Laurance is this;

"I would sacrifice myself so you could live in every universe."

That's Laurance! That's Laurance with literally anyone you want!! This is the best characterization Laurance has ever gotten. It's consistent with his character, and I love the fact that Mod Aphmau doesn't even let him finish his consideration of self-sacrifice, she just shuts it down and it's a great contrast to what Laurance is used to. I adore how that's what he jumps to, I adore the fact that he's as clueless as I am about the lore this season, I love the rivals esque thing he's got going on with Jaiden, that was fun. Lotta potential there. This was just a good time. I cannot emphasize how delightful Laurance was in this series. How his delightful presence is the most enjoyable thing in the series, and a literal blessing unto us all.

Wasn't it nice to feel good about an Aphmau series for like.. two minutes. Anyways here's the part where I get a little salty with Jess, as per usual. I'm not going to go too in depth on my problems with Void Paradox as a story because it's mercifully short and a lot of my complaints did come from a standpoint of not knowing any of the lore of Mod Mod World which might have hindered my full ability to understand the larger story.

I can however get VERY salty about the fact that I didn't even know Void Paradox was a thing that had Laurance in it until 2024!! It came out in 2018! How did this happen? Well the answer is very simple, the cause is the bane of my very existence. My Street Season 6 When Angels Fall. [I am shaking with rage]

I know you've likely read how much I can tear into season 2 Episode 95, and oh my Irene can I tear into that episode, but there's a similar but differently visceral emotion When Angels Fall makes me feel. Let's call it a sort of divine rage. And now, I have one more reason to hate it. Because Void Paradox, a series with actual quality content, was released at the same time as whatever the fuck that was, meaning it never had a chance.

For a bit of personal context, I briefly became active in the Aphmau fanbase when this season came out and during the time leading up to it. I had seen every season of My Street, and despite not being the biggest fan of where Jess took the series, I liked a lot of the characters and was invested in where they would go from here. I was knee deep in the My Street trenches when the many many different bombs dropped. Melissa dying but then she didn't but maybe she did and I literally spent hours arguing with people on this, Ein is turning everyone evil, there's a doomsday device, forever potion nonsense is happening, Travis' dad is evil maybe, Aaron is going insane, the multiverse is falling apart, and then Jess just killed the best character in the entire series, dare I say the entire Aphverse, dare I say the entire universe of existence as we know it--

It was a lot. And in all the chaos Void Paradox just... came out. It came out right before episode 9 of When Angels Fall came out. And anyone else who was there during the war... they know what that episode did to us. What it did to me. I wasn't the same after that episode came out. I felt like I had lost a part of myself. Something I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to get back...

And as a result, I and a lot of people didn't see Void Paradox. Looking at the numbers, Void Paradox struggled to get above 1 million viewers for most episodes, while the lowest viewed episode of When Angels Fall sits at a cozy 2.9 million as an established series. Void Paradox is objectively better as a series and deserves to have a second season. We deserve to explore more of the weird ideas Jess clearly had while making it, we deserve to know if a cure can be found, and we, or maybe just me and I'm feeling selfish here, deserve to know if Laurance is okay.

Jess has already taken one comfort character away from me. I'll be damned if she takes another.

[plusvanity]

Why do you ship V*rg and Pelle? Genuine question, cause pelle would most definitely hate him. Also shipping real life people, one of which is dead is weird.

They actually met in March 1991 and from what I've read on Varg's blog, he considered Pelle to be intelligent, polite and a nice company. It's impossible to know the nature (positive or negative) of their brief interaction back then, so we can just speculate if they really 'got along' or Pelle would've mercilessly slit Varg's throat the moment he stepped inside the cabin. Both options are absolutely valid, in my opinion.

In the matter of me being 'that weirdo' that ships real dead people. My art and story are pure fiction. It's impossible to write about real people. You can only write about a fictional interpretation of them. It cannot be Pelle or Varg, who I'm drawing/ writing about, but a caricature version of them. This is how fiction works.

I'm well aware that this ship is not everyone's cup of tea (by far), but what I create comes from my heart, and it helps me deal with a lot of shit in my life. I had attempted suicide multiple times, went through childhood abuse, violence, mental illnesses, failed recoveries, juvenile delinquency and a lot more things that my interpretation/ fictive version of Pelle and Varg dealt with, so it's like coping, I guess? Vargelle is no better than Eurodead and vice-versa.. shipping is like 'expressing' something. I had enough toxicity so, my ship is only a 'healthy and loving' delirium of mine that I hold onto.

'Why is this ship and not that?' Unfortunately, I cannot answer this question.. it is what it is.

I think their personalities match in the sense that they are (were) both creative people with a very distinguished vision on the extreme music scene, an undying love for Mother Nature, mysticism and occult.

I'm not here to fight anyone's option on the Interent, I'm only here to express myself through art and fiction, make friends and get to know people 🖤

[frozenmoonshine]

Headcanon - Tips & Tricks on how to date Sanzu Haruchiyo:

I just wrote this to cope with my unhealthy obsession with this fictional man. He's my absolute favorite TR baby, so forgive me for being shamelessly self indulgent! ...or don't.

If feminine terms of endearment and/or hinted hetero relationship trigger you for any reason, please skip this one. Cheers.

Haru is a lovebug, but that cannot be seen by just anyone. It requires a person with thick, and I mean: THICK nerves and patience to handle him right. He's prone to jealousy, he's headstrong, and he holds his grudges like Mikey's life directly depends on it!

If not handled properly, he will ghost you for days, try to make you jealous, be deliberately mean and controlling/manipulative, or in more extreme cases, turn full on yandere stalker on you! But all of that is triggered by his innate need to be loved and deeply, deeply rooted fear of being abandoned and being less than. So don't make him insecure!

It's highly recommended to build trust with him first, so if you guys start out by being genuine friends first, before you start dating, and then let the things develop naturally from there, there's a lot more chance that he'll open up to you and let you in, and he won't be as afraid of you leaving him or "betraying" him.

Seriously tho, don't leave him! He needs someone to love him, and to love back, way more than he realizes! He desperately needs someone to call "home", someone who will stay, who will accept him, and not judge him for who he is. And who he is deep down is just a soft little baby, that would do anything and everything for his loved one!

Until he gets properly comfortable with you and the fact that someone genuinely cares for him (which is a big challenge for him!) he may occaaionally act inconsistent (not messaging back for hours on end, standing you up for dates, being generally unavailable, etc.) It's either all due to his gang duties, fights, and devotion to Mikey, or simply just his struggle to adapt to love. But you can always be completely certain that he's not cheating!

Why? Because he's simply the type that falls in love for life, stays loyal and faithful even after death does you part (regardless of who dies first), and is so overprotective that it can be too much to deal with sometimes! ("Why is that ugly bitch over there giving you the side eye?! She wants me to explain to her who you are or what?!" - "No one talks like that to my Queen, I'm gonna rip his fucking skeleton apart!" etc.) And yeah, unless you stop him somehow, he will commit homicide just because someone stepped into your lane a bit too rudely for his taste.

Also, once you have successfully conquered his tattered, lonely heart, he would totally call you his Queen, and treat you as such as well. He's a lowkey simp, but a high key gentleman and super respectful in every sense of the word. His manners, albeit a little bit oldschool (legacy of having been brought up by his grandma and Takeomi), are always impeccable! If you didn't know better, you'd easily think he was some rich, spoiled, stuck-up "bocchan".

He'll be very reserved at the beginning of your dating, not exactly shy, but somewhat distant. But he'll never fail to open the door for you, move your chair for you, walk next to the car track making sure you're on the safer side, hold your coat for you or offer his if you don't have one, etc. But even holding hands will only happen after three dates or so.

And the first date is at Cozy Corner, and you guys are getting cheesecakes, it's just a fact, I don't make the rules! Once the relationship gets a bit more established it will become your monthly tradition.

On another negative side of dating Haru, however, be prepared to "share" him with Mikey! Although his attachment to Mikey is not romantic in nature, and Mikey isn't exactly someone to be jealous of in that sense, he will be a significant part of your relationship, as Haru will either talk incessantly about him, or flat our refuse to spend time with you because "Mikey needs him", and to him that is a perfectly valid reason.. But, if you (ideally) share, or (at least) understand his obsession with his King, and support his ambition to be Mikey's right hand man, he'll marry you, no joke!

* * * BONUS * * *

He used to be self conscious about his scars around you at first, not taking the mask off in front of you for 3 whole months of dating. You even "kissed" for the first time over the mask. When you asked him why he always wears it, he tried avoiding the subject at first, but when he realized he can trust you, he admitted he was afraid of your reaction when you see his face (you of course find him nothing less than drop dead gorgeous).

He hates PDA, but is quite affectionate in private, though never smothering. He'll hug you from behind when you're in the kitchen, randomly kiss your temple when you're cuddled up watching a movie together, he always speaks to you in a gentle, loving tone, he rubs small circles on the back of your hand with his thumb when holding hands, he always praises the food you make for him, he tries his best to learn to make your favorites, etc.

When the Kanto Manji-kai started getting seriously corrupted, he tried pushing you away, but you insisted on staying by his side no matter what, and he greatly appreciates you for that. Despite all, you are his safe haven.

In his KMK/early Bonten days, you half-jokingly asked him to teach you to use a sword. He taught you to play shōgi instead. It almost became a weekend tradition for the two of you. Since you started keeping scores, you've been in the lead with 139 wins, over his 137. (He may or may not have let you win on purpose, more than once.) You tease him that it's because he's such a good teacher.

As Bonten's 2nd in command, he's still as loyal to you as always, but you're never his first priority. It's Mikey and Bonten's business, and you know it. However, you can't say you haven't felt jealous of Mikey in some cases. Whenever Mikey calls, Haru will immediately leave, even mid-sex.

He always tries to make it up to you later if Mikey interrupted your time together, tho.

He avoids meeting you on the days when he's had to kill. Not just because he doesn't want to "taint" you, but also because he doesn't like himself when he's high. He'd rather wait for the drugs to wear off before meeting you. If you guys live together, then he'll just spend the day at the Bonten HQ instead.

Once you start living together, he's a godsent to have around the house! You don't have to do any cleaning ever again, his OCD kicks in and your apartment will always be spotlessly clean. He occasionally nags at you to be more tidy tho.

He's even more overprotective as an adult than he was as a teen. if you're going somewhere that is not owned by or affiliated with Bonten, and he can't go with you for whatever reason, you will unavoidably have two of his most trusted subordinates escort you and stay by your side at all times as your bodyguards. And no, he's not trying to contol where you go or what you do, (those two guys basically work for you, not him, at this point, anyway) he just won't leave anything to chance and risk you getting targetted by any of his numerous enemies when he's not around to protect you by himself. When the two of you are together out, he never leaves your side, and always has an arm around your waist or back.

[multiverse-sya]

More chaotic thoughts.

I think about how I'll never find a person irl that sees me how I feel I should be seen, because my physical body is all I'll ever have and its not who I am. And even if I do find someone who accepts me on a deep level, it's hard to be close to someone without it turning into a romantic relationship. I just want to be seen as an alien and have queer platonic friends.

And then I think about how I'm more inhuman than creatures that turn into humans in fiction. Specifically, when they begin to feel human emotions when they get inside human body. Literally, the only thing I have left is my mind. And even then, it's managing inside of a human brain, somehow. This is probably the only thing that gives me some sort of relief because even if it's fiction, seeing other more inhuman things becoming more human like than I am makes me feel that part of me is unchanging despite everything else.

My nonhumanity isn't anything anyone can see because it's all about how I internally process things. This sort of blindness others have to the way I internally think frustrates me, because no one is telepathic and words can't explain the sensation I feel properly. I feel less sensitive to physical sensations or desires because of my disconnection between my mind and body, so I'm less bound to it than others. I should mention that this is separate from depersonalization or disassociation.

It's a long shot but if anyone has any idea on how to deal and cope with this sort of isolation I'm experiencing, let me know. Because I know it will only be a matter of time before it hits me again.

[across-every-universe]

i’ve always been a pretty lonely person. i have a feeling that’s not uncommon, in this community. i didn’t have friends until i was 14, and even then it was more of a “we happen to be in the same place all the time” thing. in college, no dice. there hasn’t been a single non-relative i’ve even talked to regularly over the past three years.

before i got into selfshipping last spring, i was a person with a lot of love to give and not enough people to give it to. once i let myself see these characters as real people, i solved that problem. if i ever want to feel like there’s some good in the world, like i have something to give all my happiness to, i just have to think of them.

but there’s still no one to give that back to me? no one but myself, anyways, through the proxy of an imagined character. i still have trouble making friends. i’m still lonely, it’s just a different kind. it’s no longer an ever-present desperation to love, it’s a hammer that hits every time i get so into a daydream that realizing he’s not real feels like a shock to my system.

and idk how much we talk about that. i don’t know how often in-between the positivity posts anyone ever says “actually being in love with someone who you’ll never even meet sucks sometimes”? or “you know what, the fact that this is a coping mechanism means there’s something wrong”?

so i’ll say it. the loneliness sucks. that thing you’re dealing with that made this an effective coping mechanism, that sucks. if you have bad times, times where the fictional nature of these relationships hurt, you’re not alone in that and it’s not wrong, or shameful, to admit it.

[saintsugu]

ive taken the past few days to gather my mental bearings and try to properly formulate my thoughts. as a survivor of csa, i do not take these topics and criminal allegations lightly.

- starting with the two (2) threads that i wrote on twitter: writing has always been a form of therapy for me. I began writing on Twt, rather than just post on this blog, for a reason. It was separate from the the friends i’ve made on here. I’d be able to write things that about trauma that i’m too ashamed to admit. I could discuss topics that have been prevailing factors in my own real life without feeling worried about being shamed. I get that these are taboo topics (and for good reason), but I don’t know where the conclusion formed that just because i was discussing / consuming these topics through fiction, automatically meant that i was getting off on the idea of it happening in real life; especially compared to the possibility that maybe i was using it to cope.

Everybody has lines they’re not willing to cross. I get it; I have those too, believe it or not. for me— as a survivor, discussion of underaged content falls into the same category alongside of noncon, stepcest/incest and cannablism. None of which i support in real life yet all of which i have at some point consumed via fiction. Now obviously, these standards aren’t the same for everyone, but in my mind there is no difference. I would never accuse someone of being a r*pist if they wrote noncon. I would never claim that it’s dangerous for them to interact with women in their real lives.

People deal with trauma in different ways. When I first started to write dark content on my old blog, i dipped my feet into dubcon. I didn’t care much for it. But then in the months following, i was SA’ed by my best friend. I then began to write graphic noncon. And i felt a bit better— a bit more in control. I was now choosing when and where i was viewing and consuming fiction with these topics, rather than when i had something i did not want forced onto me.

It’s taken me a long time to begin to process certain things that took place in my childhood. Having to process something, that happened more than a decade ago, entirely alone with zero support from anyone i know is difficult. I found a way to help myself cope. My methods may have been unsavory and uncomfortable for people, but not to the extent of graphically telling me how to k*ll myself in my inbox. Yes, I did write and consume underaged fiction in order to cope with my personal trauma. I fully own up to that. At the end of the day, fiction is just fiction.

Concerning the ‘expose’ post, the OP also claims that this was not to start a witchhunt, just to shed light to the situation; all the while, they were in my inbox telling me to kill myself before even making a post. Alright. People have had no issues calling me the f slur, making transphobic remarks/purposely misgendering me, and of course, graphically telling me how i should end my life. They’ve sent hundreds of asks claiming they care about the situation, when in my opinion—which might not mean much, no matter how you feel about me, if you resort to threatening, hate mobbing and threatening me irl, you are not handling things in the right way either.

In regards to the minor in my following list, i don’t know who she was or if her pinned post had changed. when i read the expose post i immediately unfollowed her and checked to be met with the fact that she didn’t follow me and we had shared a total of zero messages between the two of us. I am unsure if her pinned post changed or if I had foolishly followed her without checking to a full extent. Either way, we had no interactions. That might sound like a copout but unfortunately, i have no other commentary i can share on the matter.

at the end of it all, i can only control my own boundaries. i tag everything accordingly and that is the most i can do. drawing and fictional pieces cannot be considered cp.

[kavalyera]

Who is laci reacher? Searching Tumblr and Google gets me no results.

Re: the question, why people would want to read about unpleasant subjects...well, because those things are an unfortunate part of reality, and one of the functions of art is to explore unfortunate and unpleasant things in a safe way.

I think it's perfectly fine to not want to read about any unpleasant subject, whether war, violence, hate, bigotry, abuse, etc. But trying to tell other people they're dirty rotten sinners, or support those things in reality, for being willing to read about them in fiction is going too far...that way lies puritanism and censorship.

A story about a little boy being sexually abused, for example, might actually be written by a survivor of such abuse who is working through their traumatic emotions by sympathizing with a character going through the same thing. Or it might be written by a sheltered, privileged adolescent with no experience of abuse or hardship, just because it's angsty and dramatic. You can never know exactly why someone online might choose to write a certain thing. Either you're willing to read it, or you're not...either it works for you as fiction, or it doesn't...but try to keep an open mind and not support censorship or judge real people for imaginary stories.

Backstory time (but this time I’m a little more leaning towards a more ‘neutral’ side but still not really liking her since it’s generally been a while since someone’s asked about her)

ADDITIONAL NOTE READ IT: Do not send asks pertaining to Laci anymore cause tbh I wanna focus on my own stuff and not yap about another person alr😭🙏

// underage, rape mention

So Laci is an author, she’s pretty niche from what I know. She’s one of the few consistent Marquis de Gramont-centric authors on ao3 but she has consistently been show to write underage porn/rape fetish fics about him and her OC (I lowkey forgot most of the details but I do remember a lot)

Anyways so, my problem isn’t that but rather specific icky details about her works are untagged such as…. awfully incestuous descriptions between Gianna and Santino (canon siblings), aswell as sexual descriptions for an underage Vincent who is 33-34 in the canon lore. Additionally, the rape fantasies included in her works seem to float towards being viewed through romanticized lenses rather than being written as a warning or a sort of way to cope. Not to mention the fetishization when it comes to queer relationships and stuff like that

I used to like her writing, she’s good at writing I’ll give her that, but it just kept getting weirder and weirder. I liked her work at first since back when I read it, things were toned down and the more she wrote the more fetishized and heavily romanticized abuse and s/a was written (+added incestuous descriptions between canon siblings for some reason). As someone who has dealt/is dealing with sexual trauma/sex related mental issues, I’m pretty chill when it comes to works that depict it but only when they’re kept at a minimum or not as descriptive but when it comes to her, they’re awfully descriptive and write about how intensely ‘pleasurable’ the experience is for both parties in the scene so yyyeahhhhhh

Anyways for the last part yeah, going back to what I said, she untagged like several weird things but ehhh whatever there’s equally bad things on John Wick ao3 let’s all be real (lolicon, full on rape fantasies, straight up romanticized rape idfk what else tbh)

“But trying to tell other people they're dirty rotten sinners, or support those things in reality, for being willing to read about them in fiction is going too far” <- did not tell anyone that but I guess I should be used to anons taking things I say out of context/not fully grasping them sighhh

and also it just so happens that everytime i meet a marquis fan that worships they’re either a rape fetishizer or an awfully weird person but that seems more like a correlation more than causation tbh

[pprodsuga]

omggg a snippet just for meeee i'm so honoured u wanted to share something with lil 'ol me. stop it before i develop a parasocial relationship with you...

on a different note, if u will allow me to rant for one wee second.. this is completely irrelevant to anything but i was looking for some romcom novels to read (bc i need to stop letting fanfiction consume me), and tell me why authors pick the ugliest most generic ytest names. i haven't read a real book in a while and i'm so used to reading ff now where even side characters have korean names that the switch over back to western books is awful. i had to stop my search bc wtf is GARRETT and TUCKER. ik a korean name is just a name, there's nothing objectively special, but it's just more unique in the sense that i don't see it often outside of media. the only way to get around this is fantasy books where the names aren't even real names (thank god the book im currently reading is fantasy). PLEASE can i just get an ethnic name and maybe more ethnic characters or something... sob. i just want a college romcom to cope so i can get away from college au's😭 yeah it's fucked for me. thank u for listening to my unsolicited bitch sesh

-comet

just for you, for always being so thoughtful in your words. more under the cut to spare the dash.

your first messages back in june struck a chord within me for two reasons: talking about my writing was an incredibly kind thing for you to do and it validated the hell out of my work. but also, i was experiencing a lot of friendship turmoil that i had to navigate (re: why i wrote never to keep).

i don’t know if i’ve ever expressed just how grateful i am to have read your messages at that time because for that entire month, i felt like i did not have anyone in my life to back me up when i stood up for myself. knowing that you thought i must be someone with a great deal of empathy and kindness restored a bit of faith in me and who i am as a friend. i reread your message over and over again until i could remind myself that i am who i am for a reason. so thank you.

character names are something i think about a lot, both in fanfics and regular fiction. i’m oftentimes taken out of the story when it feels so incredibly yt (but go figure, i’m not white but have a “white” name so i understand that there is some nuance sprinkled in there). but sometimes we just crave that subtle representation in an ethnic name so i don’t have to wait for the author to explain that they’re not….white. in every sense of the word. but like if you’re gonna pick a white name then at least make them sound HOT?

onto the snippet! i’m excited to post this one. no idea when i’ll finish writing/editing but i’m excited that you’re excited. not providing context bc im a menace and will make you wait. 😎 (thank you for being excited.)

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Sunghoon turns to look at you. “You were always the most unpredictable part of my day.” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah. You moved into the apartment next to mine and running into you a few times a week kept me on my toes. I don’t know. I guess I saw you as someone I would have potentially befriended. I could at least pretend I was coming home to talk to someone who cared.” 

“That’s…very sweet. You’re a nice person, Sunghoon.” 

He sighs. “I don’t feel that way. I don’t know when I’m gonna see my family and friends again and explain all of this, but I'm starting to get the feeling that they’ll never hear from me and they’ll never know what happened tonight.” 

“You know,” you begin, “a lot of my life was spent moving from place to place and never having anything or anyone to call home. I can’t imagine what it must feel like for you to leave everything behind. For that, I truly am sorry.”

“It’s really not your fault,” Sunghoon says dryly. “Whoever tried to kill you should get a bullet to his head.” He hears you laugh awkwardly.

“Yeah, well that likely wouldn’t solve our problems.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t think that man acted on his own accord. It’s too professional to assume he’s working alone.” 

“You’re saying he’s working with someone else?” 

“Or, he’s working for someone.” 

Sunghoon gulps. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“The price of freedom is high. Remember that.” 

“You know, none of this explains how you know what you’re doing. If you know, for that matter.” 

He doesn’t hear you move for a short while and closes his eyes shut. Once again, he’s found himself slipping up and saying things that don't translate well. Too afraid to speak, Sunghoon considers sleeping and dealing with his actions in the morning. 

“I know what I’m doing because I’ve done it before,” you say through the darkness. “When your whole life revolves around survival, you adapt to the best of your ability and do anything to stay alive. I’ve learned a few things from my time on the run so please know that I know what I’m doing.”

“Who are you?” 

The room is silent. 

“Someone you can trust.” 

[twist3dserenity]

hello, I am a darkshipper/Proshipper. I saw your post asking about proshipping and I'd be glad to share my experiences and thoughts with your questions. (Please mind I tend to ramble a lot so excuse me for that if my message it's too long) So, to answer your questions;

---

1... What does proshipping (other associated label) mean to you? What do you think proshipping means/is about?

For me, Proshipping means: Anti harrasment/In favor of problematic ships or media. I believe any kind of ship or media, including problematic ones, should be allowed to exist solely inside fiction and only fiction.

Us prosshippers mind our own business, we might not like certain tropes but the deal is that we won't go our way to harass the ones who make those certain tropes we don't like. Its simple as that. Proship is a stance, not dark shipping or comshipping, just a stance/belief. Not the shipping itself.

Also a common myth told by antis is that, "Proshippers DONT believe fiction affects reality!!"- this isn't true at all. Proshippers DO believe fiction affect reality but not on a 1:1 scale. (To put it simply: fiction can affect reality ONLY if you don't know how differentiate both things. Meaning, if you don't know the difference between fiction and reality, of course it's gonna affect you and the way you think..)

Us proshippers don't condone this fictional problematic stuff in Real life. we just understand how fiction works as an outlet and a space for fun and whimsy and joy for those who are excited about their favorite tropes. As long as they don't harm anyone IN REAL LIFE, why should we go after them...?

and now, for Darkship or "Darkshipping" it's obvious definition means, extremely problematic and taboo things that'd be considered illegal in real life. Including, incest, minor x adult, abuse x victim (toxic relationships), etc. However, this tropes are obviously just meant to stay in fictional settings whether its for an outlet or simply exploring dark media and I don't agree with these tropes IN REAL LIFE.

--

2. (If comfortable going into detail) why do you believe in this label / What lead you to this belief?

I believe in the proship label because it makes a lot of sense to me. I understand if people tend to get disgusted by problematic pairings but I don't find it reasonable to go after those people who make those certain pairings (like antis). However, if that person who makes those certain pairings DID harm a REAL child or person, then I would understand coming after them.

But aside of all that, I've never understood this logic that <just because you indulge in a certain "trope" you immediately are "supporting" that trope in real life!!> (like antis think). That's like saying playing violent games immediately makes you a killer💀🙏

I was never an anti to begin with, i tried to act like anti and their mindset but it never felt logical to me. I didn't know about this ideology of proshipping until much later, and ever since then, I sticked with it.

And for Darkshipping, I found out about this label after I realized my whole entire life (since I've been in fandoms) I've been shipping yandere x victim tropes, one sided-obsession, stalker x victim, etc. (YES and I still do), and when I realized how much it matched the darkshipping definition, I came into terms that I indeed, had "problematic interests". Obviously in fictional setting.

The main reason I decided to stick with this label it's because I simply just felt like it connected to me. I darkship because I use it as a coping mechanism.

--

3. did you use to be an anti? How did the controversy surrounding this belief affect you personally?

like I said before, no. I never was anti to begin with. Yes, I did try to adapt to their mindset and all, but deep down it just felt wrong and never understood the logic behind it. This belief led me to feel a lot of low self esteem and shame to myself because I geniunely believed their words that <"I was supporting these things in real life and that I am a bad person for it and should go to hell for it"> It's really much, in my own experience, a toxic mindset.

It affected me because Darkshipping it's my way of coping. Not everyone has the same coping mechanisms, but Darkshipping truly has helped be aware of my own trauma and how to deal with it... it's hard to explain cause I don't wanna go to detail about it.. but for a long time It just felt so wrong because of the amount of anti ideology I was surrounded with, I geniunly thought i was a bad person.

--

4. Has being a proshipper positively affected your life? Or so, how?

Yes, both proshipping and darkshipping.

Proshipping because their stance and belief of fiction just feels like less judgemental and less toxic. (Yes we have to be aware that some people who use the proship idelogy in the proship community, will use it to be creeps, but there's also creeps in the anti community. ) and there's barely any proshippers like that. We just see fiction as a space for freedom and not as a space for purity and whatever antis want it to be.

Darkshipping, has helped me a lot positively. This answer might be controversial and that's fine if ppl don't agree with it, but it's my TRAUMA and my FEELINGS and nobody has the right to tell me how to cope with it. I have a therapist and she agrees with my ways of coping.

As someone who used to be in both sides of a toxic relation, I've learned how to treat others better and have healthy attachments, and how to let others treat me better and have self-respect with myself. Darkshipping is both an outlet and way of realizing things about my trauma. And Proshipping is simply a stance I totally stand by it.

It has helped my mental health and the way I see myself better, because I know it's just a way cope and nothing else. After all, I keep it to myself, it's fiction, and I have common sense to differentiate both reality and fiction.

Thats all I wanted to say, thanks for listening to my yaps, I hope this clarified things better, English is not my first language and stuff. So, yeah, bye bye and stay strong 👋👋

thank you for sharing your experience with me! So far all these responses I’ve been receiving here have been so enlightening and educational for me and I’m honestly glad I was able to learn more about it.

i wish you luck on your future endeavors!