#i just realised not once have i ever seen house in a hospital

[solcarow]

.

[lucy90712]

Can you please make a hector fort fic where he spends all his time with his friends and spends barely time with her. Then they were supposed to go on a date together and she waits for him to pick her up, she waits for 2 hours and goes to social media to see if he has posted anything and sees on his story a picture of him and her girl bestfriend having fun playing games. So she leaves the house with her stuff. When hector comes home he realises what he has done and tries to get back in contact with her but he fails. They don't see each other for a while but he notices her walking on a busy street and tries to talk to her. (ending with fluff please)

You: good morning amor hope training goes well don't forget about our plans tonight I'll be waiting for you 

Hector: have fun in class and don't worry I'll be there at 7 as promised 

You: love you 

That was the last I heard from Hector and now it's 8:32pm and he's still not here to pick me up. He promised he promised me he'd be here and that he'd make up for us not spending any time together. I should've seen it coming as he's been doing this for weeks he's promised time and time again that he will come over or we'll go on a date and then he never shows up. When I can finally get hold of him he always has an excuse either he was busy or with friends and lost track of time but whatever it is it hurts. I've done so much for Hector I've been there for him since we were kids and I've been there for every good and bad moment of his football career but he can't even manage to show up for one day or just to see me for an hour. 

We made the jump from being friends to being a couple just over a year ago and for the longest time he was the best boyfriend ever he treated me so well was super attentive and really made an effort to be romantic and take me on dates. I don't remember exactly when it changed I think it happened slowly over time but ever since he's started playing with the first team more he's been busier with training and matches which I understand but what I don't understand is spending every evening with his teammates who he sees all day when he could see me. It might sound selfish but I just miss my boyfriend he's already missed so much like he wasn't here when I was stressed over my big exams and he wasn't here when I got the results and he wasn't here when I needed him most when my mum went into hospital and I was scared and panicking. Just a few months ago he'd never dream of leaving my side during any of those times but now he barely knows they even happened. 

I text him once then twice then three times then I called multiple times but they all went unanswered. My last resort was to message him on Instagram as I know he won't have turned the notifications off for that but I didn't need to message him Instagram gave me my answer straight away. He had posted on his story showing him out with his friends and my best friend was with them too which was a whole other level of pain. My best friend knows all about my troubles with Hector yet she went out with him and his friends anyway and didn't even bother to tell me. That was the final straw I'm not dealing with this anymore I deserve better I deserve someone who will be there for me, not break promises and definitely not someone who makes me feel like this. 

My mind was racing but I quickly worked out what I wanted to do so I grabbed my keys and got in my car. Seeing as Hector wasn't in I decided now is the perfect time to go and get all the things I have at his place and leave the spare key I have that he gave me ages ago because I won't be needing it anymore. When I opened the door I immediately saw all the little things of mine there are that makes Hector's place feel just like my own some of my books are on his coffee table and my hair ties on the sideboard by the door. I spent some time grabbing all my things while trying not to cry that I was losing my boyfriend who I thought was the love of my life. Before I left I found a piece of paper and a pen and wrote Hector a note to tell him his I felt and why I was leaving and then put my key with it. Closing the door I felt like I was closing a chapter in my life a chapter I never wanted to close and one that's going to stay with me for a long time but it has to be done. 

Hector's POV

As soon as I opened the door to my apartment it felt weirdly empty like was something wrong but the door was locked and nothing looked like it has been stolen. Still I had a quick look around and then I noticed a piece of paper on the kitchen counter. Next to it was a key and that's when I realised what was wrong all of y/n's things were gone her books, her hair ties and all of the little things she leaves here were gone and this is her key that's now in my hand not with her like it should be. I knew the note would be from her but I didn't need to read it to know what was going on and what I'd done. I had promised to see her tonight as I've forgotten about the last few dates we've planned but I did it again my friends dragged me out after training and then I got carried away and forgot about the most important part of my day proving to y/n that I will do better. I really didn't want to read the note but I knew I had to I owe her that at the very least.

Dear Hector, 

I have left my key and taken my things because I'm done. I'm done because tonight we were supposed to go out you promised you'd pick me up at 7 and you promised you wouldn't forget like you have been for the last few months but you did. Instead of trying to prove to me that you love me and that the last few months have just been an anomaly you went out with your friends and my best friend leaving me waiting for you, calling and texting you until I saw your story. I can't do this anymore I love you but I can't let you treat me like this so I'm calling it here. I've really enjoyed the last year or so we've spent together but it's time for us to move on as clearly we aren't meant to be. 

I love you and probably will for the rest of my life but this is goodbye. 

Y/n xx

Those words hurt to read. I already knew I fucked up but to see the words written in front of me made it truly hit me how much I'd hurt her. She was the best thing that ever happened to me she was always there for everything no matter what she's been by my side through every up and down and I truly thought she'd be there for everything for the rest of our lives. I wanted her there for every achievement in my career and I wanted to be there for all of her achievements too. She was the one I didn't need anyone else I didn't want anyone else but now she's left me and I don't have my person anymore and I may never have her again. 

After the initial shock I tried to text her to see if I could apologise but she had already blocked me so I tried Instagram but she had blocked me on there too. I should've seen it coming but it upset me that I wouldn't be able to reach out to her and try and make things right or at least tell her how sorry I am for fucking this all up so badly. She's gone and it's all my fault that's what hurts the most if I hadn't been such an idiot then we'd still be together but no I had to go and ruin things with the best woman in the world. 

A few weeks later

Life has been hell for the last few weeks I've really missed y/n I've missed having her sat in the stands during matches and I've definitely missed seeing her. She's been in my life for the longest time not just as my girlfriend but as my friend so not having her in my life anymore and so suddenly as well has been really hard. I've definitely not been myself all of the guys keep asking if I'm ok and I tell them I am but we all know it's a lie they know how much I love y/n and they can see how it's destroyed me to lose her. I've tried time and time again to reach out to her but of course I'm still blocked I even text her best friend to get her to talk to y/n but she says she hasn't seen her or had any of her texts answered either so I have no way of telling her that I'm sorry. 

Everyone keeps telling me I need to try and move on and they're right it's just hard everything reminds me of y/n whenever I go anywhere I see places that we've been on dates to or just places we have memories at. Today I'm going to stop myself from moping about and go for a walk to clear my head as that's what I think I need to be able to move on or at least start to. I decided to go to the nearest park and walk around as it's relaxing and it should be quiet there which is what I need. 

The park was pretty empty there was a few people around; one couple with their baby an older couple feeding the birds and a girl who was sat on a bench with a book. The girl reminded me of y/n her hair was the same colour and reading in the park is something she loved to do. As I walked closer I realised that it actually was y/n she had headphones in and the book she'd been reading in her hands like she so often did when I went to see her. Seeing her made me stop in my tracks I didn't know whether to go and talk to her or just leave her be but then I realised this is my chance to talk to her and get closure at the very least. 

Your POV

Being without Hector has been hard I've missed feeling his touch and having him next to me when I sleep. So many times I've wanted to take it all back and run back to him but I know I can't or he'll think he can treat me like that again or someone else and I can't let that happen. Today is Wednesday which is the day that I had free from classes and usually I would spend all day with Hector so I've been sat at home all day thinking about him but I can't keep doing that so I needed to get outside. To give me something to do I walked to the park with my book. I found a bench with a nice view of the trees and the little pond with a few ducks and let myself forget about the real world. 

I was so in my own world that I didn't notice when someone sat next to me to start with until they sighed which brought me out of my trance. When I looked to my side I think I turned as white as a ghost because Hector was sat next to me with a look of pure sadness on his face. It took a few seconds for my brain to begin functioning again but when it did I leapt up and tried to run away. I'm not ready to face him again not when I've been trying so hard to forget about him and move on I blocked him and separated myself from him so I wouldn't have to do this. Before I could get more than a few steps away Hector placed a hand on my arm he didn't pull me back he didn't even hold my arm tightly but having his hand on me stopped me dead in my tracks. He encouraged me to sit back down so I did and I watched as his hand moved off my arm down to my hand which he held tightly in his grasp so I couldn't run again. 

"Hector" I started to say 

"No please let me talk" he interrupted 

"Ok but you have five minutes then I'm leaving" I said

"I'm sorry and I know move said that a lot recently but I really mean it when I got home and saw the note you left it broke me having all of your stuff gone from my apartment made it feel empty and not being able to see or talk to you has killed me I've missed you so much and I'll do anything to make it up to you" he said 

"How do I know that you actually mean it and that you'll actually change I told you how disappointed I was a million times and every time you told me you wouldn't forget the next time and then you always did it's like I wasn't important to you anymore how do I know that'll change" I said 

"I know I was an awful boyfriend but losing you has taught me a lot I know I can't treat you like that and I'd never dream of doing it again this might seem to much but you are truly the one for me I don't want to ever be with anyone else so please give me a another chance and I promise I'll do better and if I don't I'll let you go" he said 

"Ok but this is your last chance if you miss any date or anything without telling me and giving me a valid reason we're done" I said 

"I'll never miss a date ever again don't worry" he said 

"I can't lie I'm glad to have you back I've missed you so much it really hurt to walk away" I said

"And you'll never have to walk away again I'm here to stay" he said 

He pulled me into his side and leant down to kiss my lips which felt so good as I've missed having him by my side and I've definitely missed kissing him. He let me sit and finish the chapter I was reading before we left the park and went back to his place as he wanted to make things up to me straight away by having a movie date at home which he knows are my favourite. He's definitely off to a good start at making things up to me but honestly I'm just happy to have him back by my side. 

[m4rv3l-girl]

I'm currently stuck in hospital for kidney dialysis! And reading your stories have been my source of entertainment🫶🏻 I absolutely adore your style of writing! And hope you will be able to do my request🥹

Bucky x pregnant reader

Bucky and reader have been in a relationship for a while and reader recently finds out she's pregnant, and she comes home to tell Bucky but as she enters there shared apartment, she finds Bucky packing and shifting about the house like its on fire and once he notices reader he tells her, he needs to talk and reader says yeah we do, and bucky takes her hand and sits her on the couch and waits for reader to speak and reader says you go first, and bucky explains that Tony needs him to go undercover for a mission and they don't know how long it will be, so he says that yous both need to breakup to protect you from the mission and the reader is heartbroken and upset over losing bucky and her baby daddy, bucky then asks her what she wanted to talk about and she just says it's nothing, when do you leave and he said in a few hours. Bucky left a few hours later and that was the last you seen him, throughout your pregnancy you had natasha help, moving to your own house leaving the apartment for bucky whenever he gets back. You have a bouncing Baby boy with his daddys eyes and hair. Bucky finally finishes the mission a year and a half later. He is given a long vacation and glady accepts it, he goes back to your old apartment and when he enters he realises how much he actually missed you. Bucky lays in the bed and finds one of your hoodie in the bed and uses it to ground himself back to reality. A few days later bucky goes grocery shopping and while down one of the aisles he hears your voice saying "can you put it in the cart baby" and he feels his heart crumpled, he can't help himself but have a peek at where you are and he sees you looking as beautiful as ever and when he takes another look he sees a little boy looking at you with eyes, eyes like his and the spitting image of him. He slowly approaches you and you immediately see him and freeze up, bucky waves and points to the little boy now staring at him and the little baby saying "daddy" with a confused face. And you pick up the baby and say yeah jamie baby thats daddy. Bucky asks when and why he didn't know and you explain to him about finding out at the same time as the undercover mission and you had no way of contacting him. And bucky then wants to be apart of your little boys life and slowly becomes the dad you always wanted him to be and soon becomes the dad and husband he always wanted to be and maybe have a few more little ones down the road, so little jamie isnt alone and bucky gets to experience the full pregnancy if you will have more🥹🫶🏻

A Mission, A Baby, and Us

Warnings: Pregnancy. Angst.

The day started out with excitement thrumming through your veins. The two faint lines on the test in your hand seemed to shimmer with the morning light streaming through the bathroom window. You stared at it, heart pounding, the realization settling over you like a warm blanket.

You were pregnant.

Your hand instinctively moved to rest on your stomach, a protective gesture already forming.

Bucky was going to be thrilled, you told yourself. This was your next big adventure together, the culmination of late-night talks, shared dreams, and whispered hopes for the future. You imagined the way his blue eyes would light up, the way his strong arms would pull you into him, already promising to protect and love both you and the tiny life growing within you.

Unable to contain your excitement, you grabbed your bag and hurried home, eager to share the news. But as you entered the apartment, the sight before you made you pause. Bucky was moving frantically around the living room, stuffing items into a duffel bag. The furniture was slightly out of place, as if he'd been pacing or reorganizing, and his normally composed demeanor was replaced by an air of urgency.

"Bucky?" you called out softly, concern lacing your tone.

He spun around, his expression a mix of surprise and something unreadable. His shoulders sagged briefly when he saw you, but then he straightened, the muscles in his jaw tensing. "Y/N, you’re home," he said, his voice unusually flat.

You set your bag down slowly, your earlier excitement beginning to falter. "What’s going on?"

Bucky gestured to the couch. "We need to talk."

Your heart dropped at the words. "Yeah, we do," you replied cautiously, moving to sit down. He joined you, taking your hand in his. His grip was firm, his thumb brushing absentmindedly against your skin.

"You first," you said, attempting a reassuring smile even as unease curled in your stomach.

He took a deep breath, his eyes darting away before meeting yours again. "Tony needs me for a mission," he began. "It’s… it’s deep cover. Dangerous. And it’s not something I can say no to." His words came out rushed, almost as if he needed to get them out before he lost his nerve.

You squeezed his hand. "Bucky…"

He shook his head, cutting you off. "It’s not safe for you, Y/N. Not while I’m gone. I don’t know how long this will take, and I can’t…" His voice cracked, and he looked away again. "I can’t put you in danger because of me. We need to… we need to break up."

The words hit you like a freight train, stealing the air from your lungs. "What?" you whispered, disbelief and hurt flooding your voice.

"It’s the only way," he insisted, his tone pained. "I’m doing this to protect you. To keep you safe."

Your mind raced, the earlier joy of the morning dissipating into a heavy fog of heartbreak. You wanted to scream at him, to tell him he was wrong, that you could handle anything as long as you were together. But the look in his eyes—a mix of guilt and resolve—kept you silent.

He cleared his throat, his grip on your hand tightening. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

You opened your mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. How could you tell him now? How could you add to his burden when he was already pulling away? The joyful revelation now felt like a cruel twist of fate.

"It’s nothing," you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper. "When do you leave?"

"In a few hours," he replied, his voice breaking slightly.

You nodded, standing abruptly. "I need some air," you murmured, moving toward the door before he could see the tears threatening to spill.

The following months were a whirlwind of change. Natasha stepped in without hesitation, offering support and companionship as you adjusted to your new reality. Together, you found a small house, a cozy space that felt safe and yours. You left the apartment behind, leaving a note for Bucky in case he ever returned.

The pregnancy progressed steadily, each milestone both a joy and a reminder of the man who wasn’t there to share it with you. When your son, Jamie, was born, the first thing you noticed were his eyes: the same piercing blue as his father’s. It was bittersweet, holding this tiny piece of Bucky in your arms, knowing he wasn’t there to witness it.

Time marched on, and you focused on building a life for you and Jamie. He grew into a lively toddler, full of curiosity and laughter, his dark hair a mop of soft curls that only made him look more like Bucky. You told him stories about his dad, keeping the memory alive even as you quietly ached for his presence.

A year and a half later, Bucky returned. The mission had been grueling, and the weight of it clung to him like a shadow. Stepping into the old apartment felt like stepping into a time capsule. Everything was just as he’d left it, yet the space felt emptier without you. He found one of your hoodies buried in the sheets and clung to it, the faint scent of you grounding him as reality settled in.

A few days later, needing to restock the kitchen, Bucky found himself wandering the aisles of the grocery store. He was idly inspecting a shelf when a familiar voice reached his ears.

"Can you put it in the cart, baby?"

He froze, his heart hammering in his chest. Slowly, he turned, scanning the aisle until his eyes landed on you. You looked as radiant as ever, holding a box of cereal and speaking to… a small boy.

The child had dark curls and striking blue eyes, the spitting image of…

Bucky’s breath hitched as realization dawned. He took a hesitant step forward, his throat dry. "Y/N?"

You turned, your face paling as your eyes met his. Jamie’s gaze followed yours, his tiny hand clutching the cart as he stared at the unfamiliar man.

"Daddy?" Jamie asked, his voice curious and unsure.

Tears pricked your eyes as you scooped him up, holding him close. "Yeah, Jamie," you said softly. "That’s Daddy."

Bucky approached slowly, his hands trembling. "Y/N… I didn’t know."

You nodded, your voice thick with emotion. "I found out the same day you told me about the mission. I didn’t want to burden you, and I had no way of contacting you."

Regret and sorrow washed over his face. "I… God…-can I be part of his life?" he said, his voice firm despite the tears brimming in his eyes. "I want to be there for both of you….If you’ll let me."

You studied him for a moment before nodding. "I think we’d like that. You think so, Sweetie?"

The little boy just stared up at Bucky with an expression of wonder. “Daddy come home.” He said softly.

Over time, Bucky became the father Jamie deserved and the partner you needed. He was there for the bedtime stories, the scraped knees, and the whispered promises of a future where you wouldn’t have to do it alone. And as he held you close one evening, Jamie asleep in the next room, he whispered about wanting to give Jamie siblings—a chance for him to experience every moment he missed the first time.

This time, you both knew he would be there for all of it.

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Hi, Hun! Thanks for leaving a request, I hope you’re doing okay 🫶 We can all use a little bit of Bucky to keep our spirits up. Feel free to leave more if you’re feeling bored. x

[hacked-by-jake]

Therapist: So, tell me about your friends. What are they like?

MC: Well, you know..

MC: Who have we got here...

MC: Jessy, well, Jessy is very emotional. Not very rational. She likes to run into dangerous and unknown homes after using the satnav of someone else and also likes to check out the houses of murder suspects and almost gets killed by them. Luckily she run fast enough, haha.

MC: Thomas... Well, Thomas is a stupid puppy. Most of the time he forgets he's a brain. He's not really good in using it, tho. He's a true cry baby. He mostly is too dump to realise how serious situations are and that's why he just doesn't care about important instructions. Or, he cares but he's not smart enough to follow them. But he loved his girlfriend a lot, which is a good thing. Oh, and he also likes to visit houses of possible murderer. He once broke into Hannahs apartment where he met Cleo who also broke in there. And together they tried to break into Phil’s bar. But remember, door of steel. Very shameful fail.

Therapist:

Therapist: Okay, you told me the Cleo, what about her?

MC: Cleo. Well, Cleo likes break-ins. During the short time I met her, she broke in twice and tried another one but failed terribly. Together with Thomas, by the way. But there was a door made of steel and that was above her break in skills. She also likes to go for runs in the forest while there is a murder in there as well.

Therapist: *nervously chuckles and cleats her throat* Okay, what about... The name say.. Jack Daniels?

MC: Ohh, Dan. Dan is good at shooting with weapons, he can also see if weapons are real or fake pretty fast. And unlike Cleo, he prefers to break out instead of in. Hospitals are not his thing, you know? Oh, and he loves whiskey... and car drives at night... Together...

Therapist: Okay, let's switch. What about a girl called Lilly?

MC: Ah, Lilly. I used to hate her with everything I have, you know. She accused me of kidnapping and murderer. She really messed up. And she's talented in that. She's also good in video production.

Therapist: Thank God, something normal. What kind of videos does she do?

MC: Well, videos in which she incites people and spreads horrible rumors, as mentioned, I hated her once. That was because she made a video in which she accused me and her half brother of the things I also mentioned. Murder and kidnapping and shit. Oh, and she loves to call the police. If you ever need someone to call the police for you, she's the one you should ask.

Therapist: *sighs*

Therapist: And who is Phil?

MC: Argh, Phil is uninteresting. He’s an ordinary misogynist. Owns a bar. He got arrested once. And I suspect he might have killed the former bar owner. But nothing special.

MC: We also got Richy. Well, he's.. he's a very bad criminal, you know. Like, really bad. It's not his biggest strength. He was the one who actually kidnapped the girl, but he didn’t kill anyone. And he even changed his personality and became an old legend. He was shot once, no twice, but at the same time. Thanks to Richy, I know Dan’s good at shooting. And as teenagers he buried a dead body. That's why he became this old, ridiculous legend. And the body also takes us straight to Hannah.

MC: Hannah. Hannah is the kidnapped girl. Hannah is cute. She once fell in love with her half brother but she did not know he's her half brother so.. But she's to blame for the dead body. She borrowed a car from Richy one night even though she didn’t have a driver’s license. Well and then she unfortunately ran over a girl by car. As I said, no driver's license... Long story short: Richy and Hannah and another girl named Amy, who was also in the car, buried the body. Sometimes Hannah has problems with hallucinations, but it’s gotten better since Richy got caught. She thought she’d seen the man without a face. The old legend. But luckily, it was just Richy with a potato sack over his head.

Therapist: You mentioned the half brother of Hannah and Lilly several times now. Tell me about him.

MC: *giggling* Oh, he's my boyfriend. I love him with everything I have, you know. He's just as uninteresting as Phil. He hates Phil, he's very jealous, so please don't tell him I compared the two. But I can't really talk about him, you know. The FBI is watching me so I can't say much.

Therapist: FBI? Why that?

MC: Well, my boyfriend is a government-wanted hacker. And the FBI tries to catch him since several years. So, like I said, as uninteresting as Phil. But I’m relieved he’s a much better criminal than Richy.

Therapist: *about to scream*

+ bonus

Therapist: Can you wait here for a minute? I need to make a call I forgot, but it won’t take long.

MC: Sure, go ahead.

Therapist, in another room, calling: I urgently need a couple of ambulances and just as many white jackets!

[the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf]

Hi, could you write something for Wilson x reader with the song "Speak Now"(Taylor's version) by Taylor Swift. The plot would be something like the reader is marrying someone else but House brings along Wilson and its his last chance with the reader.

Write only if you want to. You're an amazing writer🩷

Thank you so much, I fricking loved this request! Hope you think I did it justice!

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Speak Now (Taylor's Version)

James Wilson x reader

description - and the preacher said speak now or forever hold your peace...

word count - 1.7k

warnings - angst, smug men, kind of manipulation on the part of the fiance, Florence Nightingale Syndrome

Masterlist

REQUESTS OPEN - request here

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The happiest day of your life. So why did you want to puke. Gazing through the mirror past your pale white reflection. The tulle suffocated you and the ribbons seemed to grip your skin. Constraints halting your run.

You drag your eyes to meet your own and begin menial tasks. So that some small fix of your hair and makeup could somehow remove the absent look on your face.

This was right. Right? Tom had been great.

You’d met a year ago in the hospital when he had been brought in for House to diagnose. Meaning his road to recovery was anything but smooth. He’d been lost when he’d come in, looking more like a scared little boy than the man he was supposed to be. That meant you found yourself comforting him more than usual. It helped that it was an excuse to be anywhere but the Oncology knowing you couldn’t face a certain man just yet. The pain was too raw.

Any influx of pain would have him gripping your arm and begging you with tear filled eyes to hold him. When he had been close to the end he’d dragged you forward and said that if he must go now, he wanted your face to be the last one he ever saw. In the moment you were too affronted with the beautiful feeling at being needed, to see the clearest example of Florence Nightingale syndrome ever. But once he was cured you still couldn’t bring yourself to leave the room. He needed you, but more than that, he wanted to be near you. And that was addicting.

He had returned a week after being discharged and found you in the corridor discussing a recent patient with Ja--Dr Wilson. He professed his feelings for you and practically begged you to go on a date with him. You could feel the broken gaze from behind raking up and down your form. But you resigned him to the back of your mind, righted yourself, smiled.

“Yes.”

One date turned into another. And eventually it was your 6 month anniversary. You celebrated at your favourite Italian restaurant. When the Tiramisu arrived you took a big spoonful and was ready to bite in until you turned and saw Tom down on one knee, offering you the biggest diamond you had ever seen. It’s actual size overshadowed the rest of the ring. He looked up at you with an expectant grin. Your spoon was still prised at your open mouth. Once he gave you a slight look, you put down the dessert and turned to his full attention. There was a lump in your throat as you tried to come to terms with the scene you had pictured many times, just not like this. Not with him. Your words almost clawed back.

“Yes.”

And now here you were, trust up like a prized calf. Kitted out in jewels and silk, accentuating your apparent purity. Tom’s mother and sisters fretted around you, moving your limbs to their own satisfaction. You looked around for your mother in search of the comfort she brought. But you could not see her. Your heart dropped upon realising she had been blocked from entering your own bridal suite. You had played with Barbie’s as a child. You loved nothing more than dressing them up and doing their hair, imagining the look that adorned their plastic figures could also adorn yours. But now you were the doll. You were the one in the chair with no agency of your own.

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*Wilson’s pov*

All I wanted was to get through this day by myself. But I knew any request for House to leave me alone would fall on deaf ears.

He sat with his feet sprawled over my desk and his cane across his lap. His eyes burned into my skull which had lowered in favour of filling out forms.

“You know what today is?”

A loud sigh indicated my confirmation.

“I sent a gift.” House pushed further.

“As did I.” I huffed out, already done with his line of inquiry.

“Did your note happen to say ‘I’m still in love with you and the greatest mistake I ever made was letting you go’?” I shot my head up to glare at him. “Because mine did but I don’t think that really fits our relationship so how about we swap.”

“House you have five seconds to leave my office or you can start forging your own Vicodin prescriptions.” My movements became erratic in the shuffling of my papers. I pushed away the chair and began to look for an unknown object on my shelves. Unwilling to look at House anymore.

“You know what you are?” He pushed up and his voice rose.

“What?” I spat out.

“A coward.” I laughed incredulously.

“Please do enlighten me,” I sarcastically stated with a sweeping gesture.

“You love that girl, and you’d rather sit here wallowing in the idea that you lost her to that bumped up rich twit than go and fight for her.” He had rounded the corner to confront me face to face.

“I ALREADY LOST HER.” A silence hung in the room. “I lost her well before he came along. There wasn’t anything to fight for her because he already won. He has her heart and he’s welcome to it, cause she sure as hell isn’t gonna trust me with it again.”

I slumped down in my office chair. House approached and placed a single comforting hand on my shoulder.

“It’s not over until someone says I do.”

*******************************************************************

The church is much colder now. Or is it just you. The stone walls seem to run away from you into an everlasting ceiling. The eyes of those cast in glass pierce your body like a thousand spears, nailing you to the spot. The stems you grasp in your hands suddenly have thorns and you want more than anything to drop them to save the pain. But you don’t.

Tom gazes at you from the side love plastered on his expression. Every so often as the priest drones on Tom glances back towards the rows of guests and the love on his face is replaced by pride. You furrow your brows at his actions, but he does not notice and still smiles whilst looking directly into your uncomfortable expression.

“Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace” The priest announces in almost hushed silence. Tom sweeps the room with his eyes accusingly. A silence hangs in the air, you barely notice already resigned.

“Always a tense moment.” The priest teases to the two of you with a little giggle.

The church doors are ripped open and you turn in time to see James and House, run into the church, halting when all eyes were fixed on them.

“Has it happened?” James gasps out.

“No, you’re just in time, just take a seat and we’ll carry on.” The preacher brushes all the cues to the true nature of the interruption.

“No, has it happened? Him and her? Is it official?” James hurried to get all his words out concisely.

Tom angled his body to cover yourself from James’ eyes.

“Dr Wilson, Dr House, leave now.” He threatened.

“Or what, short stack!” House shouted from behind James, but he was quickly shushed by James who didn’t want to make the situation any worse.

“This is our day; you had your chance. It’s my turn now.” Tom sneered out.

“Excuse me!” You pushed Tom from where he covered you.

“Just hear me out. Y/n, please.” James voice lowered to a whisper locking the two of you in a moment.

You offer a slight nod, afraid of any larger movement.

“Y/n, I love you. And I know there are better times to tell you this than on your wedding day…to another man. But it’s the truth. The day you walked away broke me. I realised how much I had been taking your presence in my life for granted. Your warmth, your kindness, the sheer amount of love you offer to the world. All this had become such an integral part of my life that I forgot to cherish it and instead accepted it would always be there.”

His voice caught in his throat on a shaky sob. You wipe away a stray tear from your cheek. It has run straight through the amount of makeup plastered on your face.

“If you tell me that he is the love of your life and that he is the person you want to build your future with, then I’ll go. And this will just be a horrible story we bury to the pits of our memory.” You let out a stray giggle at that. “But I don’t think he is.”

“If you’re doing this for security because you want the picket fence life, you don’t need to. And I’m not saying pick me, I mean I really want you to, but that’s not exactly what I’m saying. What I’m saying is be sure.” The silence in the room hung heavy and James’ questioning of his decision came out in how unsure his movements became.

“I am so sorry that I didn’t fight for us.” There was a lump in his throat. “But, if you will let me, I will spend the rest of our lives making up for it.”

Our eyes locked for a minute. Tears glistened on both of our faces. Defeat littered across his features. He turned around prepared for the ultimate shameful walk, cursing himself for his lack of judgment. Of course, you didn’t love him anymore. He broke your heart.

You turned to look at Tom’s smug face. He is shocked when you shove your bouquet into his arms and run down the aisle, your dress bundled in your arms. James turns around just in time to be met with the bear hug you threw onto his frame. Your neck craned to bury your head in his neck. Smiling at the familiar scent washing over you.

Your words were muffled through his suit.

“Thank you.”

*******************************************************************

[moonlit-void-to-the-far-unknown]

Logan Roy would 1000% send his children to be institutionalised if they were more blatant about there mental illnesses.

Like all of the Roy family has sever mental illnesses let’s be real here how can they not growing up like they did.

But I see so many ‘being the youngest Roy sibling’ HC and I keep thinking about being the youngest Roy sibling and showing sever signs of bi polar or depression or schizophrenia *hey hey I have bi polar, depression and had schizoaffective disorder so I can say that shit ain’t fun* so here some Hc? Brain dribble about that.

So it’s under readmore and yeah also I am

Someone who has been in a psych ward many times *dont ask* so I feel qualified to make this.

Like they show signs of it being sever, sever and like they get dealt with, when there like a kid and Logan just punishes them like they are having tantrums. But by like maybe early to mid 20s it becomes very clear when they try to off themselves.

That’s when Logan says ‘fine we’ll deal with this the old fashion way’ and let’s just say the siblings are ya know sitting with the youngest Roy at Logan’s house when the men in white jackets come and basically yank them up and the whole time the others are screaming like ‘the fuck is going on?!’ And the youngest is just screaming for them to let them go and maybe even tries to grab onto Kendall or Roman or shiv while being dragged out.

After logan explains, your just going to a hospital that can better treat you, and help you deal with your mental state better.

Connor fully riots when he hears this happened, storms into Logan’s office with Kendall and Roman behind him trying to ya know stop the fight that’s about to kick off and Connor is fuming like

“You fucking bastard! You already locked my mother up, your once wife! But that’s not enough so you lock your fucking kid up?!” Like this is an anger I don’t think anyone’s ever seen in Connor.

And Connor is the one to visit you every day, he brings you things you may need, or just things he hopes you can decorate your little space in your room with.

Roman brings you like the things you can’t sleep with out at night, like a special stuffed animal or a blanket or pillow. He’s the one who jokes about you being the actual crazy one, and like he gets the need to deflect with dark humor.

Shiv is the one who brings you the clothes you actually would wear, and not the random stuff that Logan had a house keeper pack for you. When she first visits to bring them your in a full on hospital gown because you refuse to wear what Logan gave you.

Kendall is the most awkward when he visits because yeah he went to rehab but like, this is way more lock down and he maybe realises that this could have happened to him if he didn’t ya know get a control on his shit like he tries to.

You meet Tom while still in the ya know hospital and fully tell shiv if she marries him you have a free bed in your room if she needs it.

Logan basically 51-50ed you so like the resentment against him is real, it’s like not good.

You spend like a solid almost 2 years institutionalised. But when you get out, Connor has a welcome home party for you. Everyone comes out, except Logan cause Connor was not about to have that KO fight happen.

You have always been closest to Roman, not really sure why but you two just get each other better and oh the jokes you both make at each other, like makes everyone else so uncomfortable. When eating at the like welcome back dinner he switches your silver wear for plastic and you joke like

“Plastic can still hurt. Wanna see” and like he knows it’s a joke but everyone else gets that like uncomfortable vibe about them

“If I can’t joke about it, I’ll cry about it, so we joke yes? Do you want me to jump off the roof cause-“

Roman casually jokingly makes sure your taking your meds everyday like texts or calls or quips like

“So how’s today? You eat? Take your fucking crazy pills that make you see god or whatever…” like very obvious but very Roman.

I just, I have feelings alright…

[safeplacesnupin]

Snupin Fanfic Year in Review

Hey friends! So I really want to start promoting more amazing Snupin fanfics and I thought this might be a good way to start. I'm going to go through my bookmarks and select one (or two, or three) Snupin fics I read for each month and bookmarked and recc it in this thread :D Sorry if I don't tag every author but if you know their tumblr PLEASE tag them! *disclaimer* I didn't get an AO3 to bookmark until July so the first few months are just ones I had favorited in my browser until I got an AO3 LONG post ahead! A bunch of Snupiny goodness!

🦔 January - Triquetra by Contrarian_Hedgehog 🦔

Summary on AO3: With the war fast approaching, Snape is forced to rely on Lupin and Black in order to secure his place in Voldemort's circle. Can they get past two decades of hostility? After a month of cohabiting, being around each other gets easier yet so much more difficult. Notes: This is actually a Snackin fic! A poly relationship between Remus, Severus, and Sirius. It has such a fantastic 'I don't want to do this but I have to' into a full blown relationship and it comes with such spicy art and scenes. 16 chapters total. Read: Triquetra

⚔️ February - Lily's Boy by SomewheresSword ⚔️

Summary on AO3: Before his third year of Hogwarts has even begun, Harry faces three whole weeks of unsupervised time in Diagon Alley. In that time he takes a trip to Gringotts - and that changes everything.

Burdened with the knowledge that Dumbledore has been blocking his family magic, and manipulating far more than he ever thought possible, Harry doesn't know who he can trust; but he knows he can't keep going that way. There's a whole world of lore and politics and history to catch up on, and the more he learns, the more Harry realises his true place in the world, and how much is being kept hidden from him. All the while, Dumbledore's twinkling eyes are constantly watching, and Harry can't let on how much he knows.

With help from unexpected places, Harry starts on a journey to end the war, and reshape the wizarding world. With how much he looks like James Potter, people have forgotten one important thing about him - he is Lily Evans' son, and she was one hell of a witch.

Notes: Buckle up for a long, fantastic fic my friends! Lily's Boy is 109 chapters! This focuses a lot on Harry as I'm sure you could guess (Drarry specifically), but Snupin is a huge focal point in this fic and I would not call it background. It's brilliant worldbuilding earn it this February spot!

Read: Lily's Boy

🧁 March - Have Your Cake and Eat It by Cunegonde 🧁

Summary on AO3: Lying in hospital after the Battle of Hogwarts, Remus Lupin has a lovely lucid dream that he's gone back to his school days at Hogwarts. Only the day passes, then another, and another, and soon he must face the terrifying possibility that it isn't a dream — that he has irreparably altered the events of the past.

Please be advised, this one contains Adult Themes. Just, not so much in the fun flirty way, more in the midlife existential crisis way.

Notes: Primarily following Remus around as he gets transported back in time to his school days?! And how he falls for our lovely Severus Snape while trying not to mess up reality. YOU WILL CRY. Bittersweet ending warning on this one but so worth the read. 33 chapters

Read: Have Your Cake and Eat It

🦡 April - For Once Seen by diandrastrikesback��🦡

Summary on AO3: “Get the shutters,” he said stiffly. 

“Want to see you,” Lupin whispered into his hair. 

Snape’s panic rose. He fumbled with his words as his heart beat up his throat. “No. Erm…oily hair…you know, bad skin,” he stammered quietly. 

Notes: A short drabble and first ever time something of mine inspired anything. ToT <3 Set in the summer, Remus sneaks over to Sev's house to have some fun. Sev isn't confident in his appearance though.

Read: For Once Seen

🐍 May - The Heir to the House of Prince by A_LoveUnlaced and elphi13 🐍

Summary on AO3: Summer of 4th year and Harry's all alone, dealing with his grief and the sudden revelation that James Potter is not his father. Support comes in a strange form. The form of Theo Nott, son of a death Eater. A strange friend who says he'll help him find his true father, whoever this Lord Prince might be.

Notes: Back to the long fics; 87 chapters AND this is a part of a currently ongoing series. Sev is actually Harry's father and wow is that a shock to Harry! This fic features Snupin and a Theo/Harry pairing and does a brilliant job focusing on both. Extremely compelling read. Severitius.

Read: The Heir to the House of Prince

🩺 June - Not Quite What the Doctor Ordered by Arionrhod and McKay 🩺

Summary on AO3: Severus Snape is a brilliant diagnostician, but it turns out that Remus Lupin is a very difficult case, in more ways than one.

Notes: I'm not usually one for super AU fics but this one takes the cake. Severus is charactarized fantastically and the story is so very good! This is completely non-magic and the relationship between these two is just chefs kiss! 4 chapters.

Read: Not Quite What the Doctor Ordered

🥇 July - With Every Step I Rise and Fall by @miffmiff 🥇

Summary on AO3: After the war, Remus thinks that all hope is lost of ever reconnecting with Severus. He may be in for a surprise though.

Notes: So I have this secret extra ranking I call 'The Golden Shelf.' It's the best of the best, and while many of these fics in this list hold that rank, THIS is the fic that inspired me to make that ranking at all. The very first fic on my golden shelf! This takes a look at how Severus and Remus grapple with the past and embrace each other. Charactarization feels real and so spot on. 1 chapter.

Read: With Every Step I Rise and Fall

Honorable Mention for another fic I read in July: Because He Really Knows Me by flyfreewithme776 is an AU fic where Remus is a cute barista and Severus is pining even if he keeps making his drinks wrong!

🎁 August - The Great Hogwarts Christmas Gift Exchange Debacle of 1996 by Snegurochka 🎁

Summary on AO3: Ron wants Luna, but Luna wants Ginny, and Ginny wants Harry, and Harry wants Hermione, but Hermione wants Lupin, and Lupin wants… Snape? Oh, what tangled webs we weave, when Dumbledore sets up a little seasonal fun for a group of hormonal teenagers spending their Christmas at Grimmauld Place – with two angsty thirty-somethings who have quite enough of their own problems to be getting on with.

Notes: This was a very long 1 chapter fic that was such a delight to read! The summary doesn't do it justice and I'm not sure that my little notes can either, but please give this a shot! In August like me, or right now; perfect for the holidays! Hilarious misunderstandings and a wonderful ending await you.

Read: The Great Hogwarts Christmas Gift Exchange Debacle of 1996

Honorable mentions for a few other fics I read in August:

Batten Down the Hatches by @diandrastrikesbackk is a heartbreaking, fantastic little fic that pays homage to many other Snupin fics. A look at the life of the Snupin fandom as seen by the duo themselves <3

Drifting Satellite by the_throwaway_account is a slight AU with an angsty Remus trying to cope with his lycanthropy with no supportive family or friends. Enter: Sev

🛶 September - I Lie In Your Charms by KALA @kalainthecanoe 🛶

Summary on AO3: When Severus Snape banked on being dead at the end of a war, it was as much of a shock as a burden to find out he was very much alive. He'd rather welcome oblivion and be known as a hero, than watch himself become a listless ghost of his former self. He never expected his Life After Death would contain much but living an isolated, quiet, life. Instead he somehow ended up returning to Hogwarts to teach, becoming involved in student affairs he'd rather stay far removed from, and most importantly, having copious amounts of sex with his old childhood enemy- Remus Lupin.

Recovery is a fickle and long road, and he certainly didn't expect his would involve accepting Remus as part of it.

Notes: KALA is an incredible writer in every fic they craft, but this is one of my favorites. As the summary suggests, spice fest! But this is no plotless hotness by any means. Who doesn't love using sex as a distraction from trauma? Wonderfully written 12 chapters.

Read: I Lie In Your Charms

🎂 October - October 1984 by @bluesundaycake 🎂

Summary on AO3: Severus knows something is wrong at Hogwarts, but he can't quite figure out what.

A story built from the daily prompts for Snapetober 2022. Accidentally snupin.

Notes: So I loved this one so much I had to draw art for it. Seriously I can't say enough good things about this fic! Snape has an adorable crow friend and has to figure out what the heck is going on at Hogwarts while also pining for Remus. Rumored by BlueSundayCake to be a part of a series! :o 32 chapters.

Read: October 1984

Honorable Mentions for fics I read in October:

A Door Left Ajar by Hera_Invictus takes a great look at Sev and Rem's past when Remus comes to Hogwarts to teach during POA. I don't know if they invented the word sexpilogue but uh, yeah...

Fuel the Pyre of Your Enemies by DivinityInMotion took the 'paired for school project' hook and sunk me in a fantastic story with slow burn Snupin.

🐺 November - Artemisia Absinthium: The Wolf and the Moth by Gertrude_Crow @princeandcrow 🐺

Summary on AO3: When Severus Snape uncovered Peter Pettigrew as a traitor before Voldemort attacked the Potters, it changed the course of many lives - his own included.

Relationships are forged and broken, as those that survived the war now have to learn to live, find new paths, and build new futures. And though their leader is gone, not all of the Death Eaters are willing to accept defeat.

Notes: Part 2 of Gertrude_Crow's Artemisia Absinthium series; READ THEM ALL! This is an AU during the first wizarding war focusing on Snupin with intriguing other relationships. Drama, intrigue, and a few dark spots make this series an incredible read. Part 2 is my favorite, coming in at 30 chapters.

Read: Artemisia Absinthium Series

💰 December - The Inheritance by Shadowycat 💰

Summary on AO3: Things hadn’t gone well for Remus Lupin since the end of the war, so he didn’t think he could afford to pass up an unexpected inheritance from someone he’d never met. Of course it turned out there were a few strings attached, including having to share his surprise windfall with Severus Snape. Not that Snape was particularly happy about that...

Notes: It's a 'we have to live together and go on a treasure hunt and now we love each other' fic! Not going to lie, the writing reminds me of a modern day Jane Austin and the story line is so compelling. A little mystery and some great reading! 24 chapters.

Read: The Inheritance

Horoable Mention for another fic I read in December:

Ne'er-Blue-Well by @diandrastrikesbackck was written for a prompt I gave, but it took my usually serious, not a fan of comedy self and had me laughing out loud with a truely genius string of puns said by Severus Snape himself after a potion accident.

WHEW! Hope you find a new fic to enjoy! This was just whenever I read the fic, but did you have any you read this year that should be on next years list? -or- are you a writer working on one?! Leave them in the comments please! Here's to many more in the new year!

[my-head-is-an-animal]

Problems With The Heart

Greg House x Dr Anna Harding (OFC)

Story Masterlist

Chapter 24 - Rehab

‘How are you doing?’ Wilson sat down opposite Anna in her office a little while after they dropped House off.

‘I’m fine.’ She smiled but it never reached her eyes.

‘He’s going to be fine.’ Wilson reassured her, but it didn’t really work. ‘His doctor called me, he’s stopped dry heaving, no more hallucinations, he’s getting better.’

‘That’s good.’ She said, but she still worked.

‘Happy birthday.’ Wilson smiled, she stopped working, stilling. Wilson stood up and left her office, knowing she’d be okay in the end and so would House.

House finally gave in and started to talk to Dr Nolan, Anna didn’t come up at all, but he was thinking about her constantly. When he kissed Lydia he felt the guilt overwhelm him once again.

‘Who are you not talking about?’ He asked one day, out of the blue. It had been a long time talking about all sorts of things, deflecting, rationalising and defending himself, he was tired.

‘Anna.’ He said, leaning on his knees, sighing deeply.

‘Tell me about her.’ Dr Nolan said, simply. ‘What does she do?’

‘Her birthday was a week ago,’ he said more to the ground than him. ‘I thought about taking her somewhere for the weekend to celebrate.’

‘Sounds nice.’ He nodded. ‘You wanna call her?’

‘Really?’ House looked up at him.

‘Sure. It’s clear you care about her, I’m sure she’d like to hear from you.’

‘Thank you.’ House nodded.

‘Does she work at the hospital?’

He breathed deeply, turning his head to look out of the window. ‘She’s a cardiologist, best I’ve ever known. She used to be a military doctor for the British. She did three tours in Afghanistan before being discharged.’

‘She must’ve have seen a lot of terrible things.’

‘She was shot.’ He could just about hear her having an episode, clutching at her shoulder. ‘She has episodes, some are pretty bad, others are just stressful.’

‘Is she seeing a therapist? Going to a group?’

‘I don’t think so. She went to a sleep clinic, I think it helped a little.’

‘Did you tell her how you felt about her?’

House nodded. ‘Several times.’

‘And she didn’t feel the same way?’

‘She told me she was in love with me,’ he continued to stare out of the window. ‘But when I told her I wanted to have more than casual sex and nights at a bar… I think she was right, we wouldn’t be good for each other.’

Dr Nolan was quiet for a while. ‘Maybe you could be. If you leave here a new man, maybe you could be what she needs.’

House shook his head again. ‘We always said we weren’t warm, fuzzy people, but…’ he didn’t know what the end of the sentence was. ‘I taught her to play the piano, I bought her one for Christmas so she could practice.’

‘You bought her a piano?’

House nodded.

‘Sounds like you two were pretty serious for a while.’

‘No.’ House went back to looking at the floor. ‘I kissed someone else, hallucinated about sleeping with her.’ He felt the shame coursing through him. ‘Anna deserves better than that.’

‘You’re letting your own feelings of inadequacy cloud your judgement.’ Dr Nolan insisted. ‘She told you she loved you, maybe all she needs is you. This “more” you keeping asking for, are you sure you’re asking for more from her, or are you asking for more from yourself?’

House, in part thought it was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard, in part, thought he was probably right. Anna needed him to be better.

House got his phone call, but he didn’t know what to say. Dr Nolan just watched him pick up the phone, but he took a while to dial.

‘Hello?’

House thought his chest might have caved in. He leaned back against the wall and breathed a laugh.

‘Anna.’ He said, smiling.

‘Greg?’ She sounded like she was just getting home. ‘Oh my god, are you okay?’

‘Yeah,’ he realised he was crying. ‘Yeah, I’m good. I’m good. I just called to say Happy Birthday.’

‘Bit late for that.’ She chuckled. ‘It was last week.’

‘I know.’ He sat down on the floor and held the phone as if it was Anna herself. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t call.’ He listened to Dr Nolan going back into his office to give him some privacy. ‘Have you got some time to talk?’

‘Yeah, I’ve got time.’

They talked for a full hour, he listened to her tell him about her work, she played a new piece she’d learned on the piano, they laughed when she got a note wrong, but neither of them minded.

‘Are you painting? Rock climbing?’ He asked as they were about to say goodbye.

Anna seemed a little awkward. ‘No, I… I haven’t had the time really.’ She cleared her throat. ‘I finished the painting of you, I don’t know if I’m happy with it, but it was the last one I did.’

‘I bet it’s perfect.’ He smiled. ‘I should go, leave you to your evening.’

‘Greg.’ She stopped him. ‘I… I’ll see you when you’re back.’

House waited a moment before listening to her hang up.

‘I love you.’ He whispered to himself.

Dr Nolan had seen fit to apply to give his medical licence back and the last session with him was a difficult one.

‘Will you be seeing Anna again?’ He asked.

‘Yeah, eventually.’ House nodded, he knew he was smiling a little.

‘I’m sure she’ll be very proud of you.’

House finally managed to leave Mayfield. He’d arranged with Wilson to stay with him for a while until he could function on his own and figure things out. He went to the hospital to quit his job and Cuddy had taken it surprisingly well.

On his way out, he went toward the elevator to go and see Anna, but he didn’t need to go that far. The doors to the elevator opened and there she was, head in a file and glasses perched on her nose, those were new, but she looked good. She didn’t even see him standing in front of her and wandered past him towards the clinic.

‘Anna.’ He could have said it louder, but she heard him anyway and turned back. Her blue eyes widened and she scanned him quickly.

‘Greg.’ She breathed, removing her glasses, embarrassed. ‘What are you doing here? Why didn’t you say you were getting out?’

‘I wanted to surprise you.’ He shrugged.

‘Oh my god, you look great.’ She reached up to wrap her arms around his neck and House couldn’t help but hold her against his body. ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘I missed you too.’ He said close to her ear, he couldn’t believe he could feel her again, he could hold her and smell her again. ‘You’re beautiful.’ He said and felt her chest skip a breath.

Anna pulled back, smiling. ‘I’m so glad you’re back.’

‘Me too.’

‘I have to get to the clinic, but if you wanted, we could get dinner tonight?’

‘I’d like that.’ House nodded and soon watched her turn away and head to the clinic. He was happy.

Dinner was nice, Anna was a little late, but he didn’t mind, she was a little stressed, talking about work and all the little things that had happened while he was gone. Anna had to work early the next day, he offered to take her home and for the next couple of weeks, they hung out. Just as friends. She’d come over to Wilson’s and he’d cook her whatever she wanted.

House had gone back to Dr Nolan a few times and told him about Anna and how his leg had started hurting again. He was worried he wouldn’t be happy.

Anna was offered his old job, but she refused straight away saying no one wanted to work under her, they wanted him and surprise, surprise, Foreman had asked for the job. Cuddy gave him a chance, but House was the one to solve the case online. Anna was impressed, but he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not.

‘So, are you going to show me the new song you learned?’ He asked, one night at hers.

‘Okay.’ She said, gently biting her lip and heading over to the piano.

She seemed a little nervous and he soon learned why. It was a complex piece, but she was actually pretty good.

‘It’s good.’ He nodded. ‘A little slow, but it’s good.’

‘Thank you.’ She smiled.

House took a seat next to her and began playing a piece he’d composed himself. She leaned on his shoulder while he played and he’d never felt more settled.

‘Anna,’ he whispered, she’d almost fallen asleep. ‘You wanna sleep?’

‘Mmm.’ She hummed. ‘Stay.’ She breathed.

He thought about it and decided he wanted to go about this properly. ‘I’ll put you to bed, but I think I should leave afterwards.’

‘Why?’ She lifted her head and her heavy eyes found his. They were dark and her slight smile had him weakening as he always did around her.

‘I don’t remember.’ He said, he leaned forward a little and placed the softest kiss to her lips. She was soft and warm and all the things he remembered he loved about her.

He took her to bed and decided to stay with her that night, she was exhausted and he missed the feel of her body against his. She slept soundly all the way through til morning.

They went to dinner a few more times, hung out, but it was never more than a kiss goodnight at the end of it, he wanted to start again with her and treat her the way she deserved to be treated.

Wilson was glad to hear that House and Anna were getting along, she was happy, he seemed like he was recovering the way he should’ve done. It was going well until House started provoking his neighbour.

Anna had mixed feelings about the foreign president being treated at the hospital, Foreman wanted her to consult when his heart started becoming a problem, but she sent down other doctors to consult.

It was odd to see friction forming between Foreman and Anna, he seemed to be under the impression that Anna would allow him special privileges that even House didn’t get when he was in charge of the department.

‘Look, just call the nurse’s station like everyone else.’ She said, leaving Foreman standing in the hallway after what appeared to be a heated debate.

‘What was that about?’ Wilson asked.

‘I just asked her shuffle some things around to get my patient in for an echo in the next hour,’ Foreman explained. ‘Next thing I know she came down and started overreacting. I don’t get it.’

Wilson just chuckled to himself. ‘You should ask about the time House asked for special privileges, this was timid in comparison and they were sleeping together at the time.’

‘What do you mean? I thought diagnostics took priority.’

‘You can’t be that naïve,’ Wilson told him. ‘Like every other department head, Anna won’t be bullied or ordered around. She’s reasonable and can be negotiated with, but you’ve just thrown out every chance you had of coming close to a reasonable line of communication.’

Foreman sighed. ‘How do I fix it?’

‘Well, you’re lucky you have someone on your team who might be able to get you a lifeline.’ Wilson went to walk away, as he did, he caught House watching them both, smiling. Wilson rolled his eyes and went back to his office.

If you liked this, please consider supporting me ☕ thanks for reading!

[4nt1chri5t]

Whispers of Betrayal - female!readerxDracoFF

Originally published on Wattpad - Whispers of Betrayal by Alaskas_ice (me)

2 - 'Secrets of the Sleepers'

The next day was much less busy than the day before. There were visitors, but not as many as the day before. Just a few more flowers and cards to add to those already there.

The twins went to see her again, just to make sure she was all right and maybe even to see if she was awake, but she was still in a deep sleep. Madame Pomfrey told them that this might be the case for a few more days, but assured them once again that she would be all right. Although they still seemed worried, they had to accept that this was the situation and that all they could do was wait.

The pale blonde girl even visited her twice that day and sat with her for several hours, talking about her day and everything she seemed to have missed that day. She seemed almost certain that the sleeping girl could hear and understand every word she said. But even if she didn't, the pale girl was happy to retell her stories when she was awake and ready to listen.

The trio were nowhere to be seen that day, not that the girl would notice their absence.

All in all, this day was less spectacular than the day before.

But as soon as the sun disappeared from the sky and day turned to night, the blond boy returned to visit her. He was clearly conflicted about his decision to return to see her, but he seemed more at ease than the day before. He even sat down by her bed to take a closer look at her and her rather sickly appearance. His face was once again filled with guilt, indifferent from the many times he had looked proud and arrogant.

"I could kill her," he said with a look of disgust. "I can't believe she thinks she's the one to make my decisions. Or decide what's apparently best for me" he spat.

He went on to tell her what had happened the night she was found. As he left the scene, he knew where he was going. He went straight to their common room, since he knew exactly who it was. He didn't say how he knew, though. When he entered the common room, he saw her just around the corner, talking to friends and smiling brightly, as if proud of what she had done. She spotted him as he walked straight towards her in an angry manner. The smile on her face slowly faded as she realised his anger, which he was showing very clearly.

"Who do you think you are, Parkinson? First you bother me all the time and now you think you can decide to act in my name. Have you completely lost your mind?" he shouted as he held his wand to her neck, causing her eyes to fill with fear.

"I... I did this for you, Draco! I know she was bothering you. She is a disgrace to our house," she said quietly in a whiny voice.

"You are a disgrace to our house. You are filthy and have no personality. I can't believe you're naive enough to think I ever liked you one bit," he spat, lowering his wand as he finished.

"Don't sleep too well tonight, Parkinson. And if you ever think of acting in my name, I'll see to it that your family will soon have no future at all. Don't forget who I am and who my father is," he said in a provocative tone, leaving her in the common room as he made his way to his dormitory.

His face softened as he told her everything. It was clear that this was something he needed to tell someone, though he hoped she wouldn't remember him telling her. But how could she? She was asleep after all.

He sat with her for a while, using the time to think. Think about what had happened and think about himself, which caused his pride to rise again.

"But why am I telling you all this, you're ridiculous and it's not my fault at all!" he spat in disgust as he got up from his seat and started walking towards the exit of the hospital wing. As if overthinking, he turned to give her one last look with a calmer expression than he had just had, before disappearing back into the corridors. It seemed as if he was having an inner conflict with himself, deciding who he really was.

But it wasn't the last time he returned to her at night, even after what he had said the night before. The following night he couldn't bear the thought of not going to the hospital wing. He decided that this was due to a new routine that gave him some time to think for himself, away from his friends and any other unwanted attention. He enjoyed the attention, but it could be nice without it. But it certainly wasn't because of her. At least that's what he kept telling himself.Draco spent his time in the hospital wing reading, doing homework or just thinking. Sometimes he caught himself watching her, but that was only because he didn't want her to see him when she woke up - or so he said. By this time he'd been visiting her longer than any of her true friends during the day, as he'd just been sitting there with her for an hour or two.

The next day he felt even more comfortable and started talking to her. He even laughed when he told her something funny he'd done in class, or when he saw a first year fall to the ground and into the snow, which made him laugh out loud that day. The boy seemed to be enjoying the time until he noticed something.

He had been with her for more than two hours when she began to move more than on any other day he had been with her before. He moved closer to see if anything was wrong, as she seemed somewhat uncomfortable or even in pain. As he moved closer to her face to find out what exactly was wrong, she slowly began to open her eyes. His eyes widened as he realised what was happening. What had just happened was the last thing he wanted to happen. He had stayed far too long. Got too comfortable. Shouldn't be here. He wasn't even her friend, what was he doing here? If she saw him, she'd not only be confused as to why he was there, she'd be angry at him for making Parkinson do what she did. Even though he had nothing to do with what she had done. He hadn't even spoken to her in the last few days, but how could she know?

Her vision was blurred, but it became clear fairly quickly. She noticed the boy in her vision, seemingly frozen in place. And even though she could see quite clearly now, she squinted at him, trying to find out who he was.

"Who are you?"

[ultramaga]

Landlords don't want to rent to the homeless because they have bitter experiences of them trashing the place.

I lived under a postal worker who - for unknown reasons - didn't get his plumbing fixed when it leaked.

From observation, I would assume that they were drug addicted and or mentally ill.

The problem was discovered when water started pouring in to my apartment.

The plumber went in as an emergency measure, only to call me as a witness. They had simply put a mattress atop a table, and let everything else rot. Potentially I could have died if the floor had given way.

I sometimes see a show on hoarders. They destroy not just their own lives, but the lives of others. One last night had left rubbish everywhere. That attracted rats, who chewed through the electric insulation.

Their solution was to just never use the power. To walk over mountains of garbage in the dark.

It wasn't clear if the house would need to be demolished. I think they needed a stay in a mental hospital but because the asylums were awful, the reaction world wide has been to dump the mental patients onto the street, or the family if they are lucky.

And they can be dangerous to themselves and others. Hoarders can become violent if the hoard of garbage is disturbed. Even if they agreed to it being removed

I like the idea of public housing for the poor but I can tell you, Australia has had that for a long time. I have seen tenants, even with no apparent mental illness, trash their own places. They don't psychologically relate to government owned houses.

And the government allocates housing according to political and ideological grounds.

It is quite legal to discriminate here if the target is an enemy according to feminist doctrine. I have had that checked and confirmed by the ahrc.

An aboriginal woman was complaining that she had had to wait two years, and the government gave her the best place I had ever seen.

I have waited thirteen years. I am a straight white male.

When I stood in the queue, a staffer told me I would never survive to the end. Straight white male? Even if I hadn't spoken up against feminism, that would put me as the worst case.

When the government gives, the government can take away. The government took the taxes to pay for the housing, mostly from straight white males, but once it has the taxes, they can do what they want.

What are you going to do? The opposite party has the same people in control.

Between them, they make sure to gerrymander the state to stop rival parties, and the media acts as their propaganda wing. Any rival is painted as white supremacists.

For people like me, housing is always on the horizon. Hell, the government demands you have a smart phone or they can lose your application. They will call twice, no more.

I expect what people don't realise is you don't have some right to a phone. In the days of the landline, it was very difficult to be refused one, but here and now, if Telstra decides to ban you, there's no alternative provider (and Telstra pretty much controls everything even their rivals can do).

If Leftists want to here, they can shut you down. What are you going to do?

Catch-22 says they have the right to do anything we can't stop them from doing.

Joseph Heller, Catch-22

In Australia, state, media and corporation have melded into one. There's no effective opposition. There's maybe one channel that is independent.

And the people were disarmed. Over the course of a century, Australia went from a place where guns were normal (and we were famously effective with them), to one where even a Philips head screwdriver in a backpack can get you in trouble.

Soon they will be banning non-electric cars as a part of an agreement with the WEF. Australia is spread out. Without fossil fuel, travel becomes difficult or impossible.

You will live out your life where they tell you, you will die waiting for their generosity, you will be valued by your race, sex, and sexuality, and the only consolation will be how much worse it will become if the Chinese get their way.

Have you noticed that Tumblr blocks searches on gifs for Tiananmen? Google downgrades searches. Hollywood etc routinely censors anything deemed hostile to the interest of the CCP.

China hasn't even invaded yet, and they already rule most media.

Give the government more power in the hope that they will help those at the bottom? It sounds good. But how do you ensure that they don't pocket taxes for hunter Biden's legal expenses, or send them off to foreign lands?

How do stop them from doing anything that you can't stop them from doing?

[gremlin-dreams]

The Trafficking Dream

I don't even know where to start for this one, it is super dark and things are already a little fuzzy and very confusing personally. 

It started with me and my family and some friends, I think I must have been still a teenager or something, it would make sense with my mental capacity and attitude too, I'm guessing 16 or 17. We were all in this large, modern, slightly christmassy family home, strangely in the exact spot my actual childhood home sat, like the same street and everything. I had friends around, maybe a few cousins too, and we were all sheltering in place because it was snowing, there was a potential storm on the way, it was dark out, so we all gathered to watch some movies.

We were watching scary movies and I kept on seeing things out of the corner of my eye, or a dark figure outside, and everyone laughed and told me I was nuts and that it was just the movie scaring me. Eventually it was late and we all started to get some sleep, all bundled together in this huge living room. 

The next morning there was this horrible moment when a girl was missing, one of our friends, let’s call her Jessie, all of her stuff was still here, but there was no sign of her. We reported it to the police but they were extremely unhelpful, saying it wasnt soon enough blah blah blah, and that we were all okay so it probably wasn't anything malicious and she had probably run away and would be back.

This turned us all away in upset, we knew she wasn't like that, and she never came back, was never found. She just became another missing person on a poster who people forgot about. It was horrible, especially when we'd see her mom.

Anyway, weeks pass and we are all gathered once more at my house, some didn't come because they were scared, but my cousins did. We stuck together all night, and no more scary movies. It was in bad taste, instead it was sort of like a vigil, we lit some candles, watched her favourites, and this time made sure every door was locked, my dad was asleep upstairs, etc. Yet again, I kept on seeing things out of the corner of my eye, at one point I could have sworn I saw a pair of eyes looking back at me from outside.

At one point, and this really shook me up, we were already on the verge of calling the police again, but I genuinely saw a hand in the shadows come from like nowhere (mostly because there was nowhere to go, it was just a few boxes back there, it didn’t seem physically possible) and in the hand, a syringe, and before my brain even realised what I saw, it was stabbed into the back of my cousins neck. Luckily I was around and saw it, and being a stupid teenager I didn't scream for help, or anything sensible, in a panic I ran forward, pushing my cousin to the ground and jumped up on the boxes, looking behind it, trying to figure out where the hand had come from. Again, nothing. Though I was terrified and had now seen that it definitely wasn't just a runaway thing, though it didn’t seem logical.

Anyway we scream for my dad, keeping an eye out, I grabbed some scissors and gathered everyone closer, I grabbed my cousin and pulled her into my lap, and dad called an ambulance and checked on everyone else and checked all the doors and even armed himself. It was terrifying. 

When everyone was home safe, the police checked out the house, and we got my cousin to the hospital, it was discovered that she was injected with something, it was a strong paralytic laced with some other drugs - unlike anything they'd ever seen before. The police were now interested and questioned everyone including me but every time I tried to say that no one was there, that they must have been way too fast or something, they thought I was crazy. I wasn't though, and I was kinda a dumb teenager, so I was determined to prove that someone had been there, took my friend and injected my cousin, and like a stupid arrogant teenager I took it into my own hands.

I went back to the house, my Dad eventually found out and was also on his way there furious at me for endangering myself, but I thought I was smart enough to avoid it (because I was a girl and girls are taught to be careful from an early age for this crap, and also, I was armed with a kitchen knife, in that “I am an untouchable teenager” kinda way) and I was searching the house for any evidence left behind, maybe the syringe, maybe a foot print. Something, looking back, I should have left to the cops, even if they were useless. 

This was obviously a mistake on my part, being so stupid, because I began to get a little scared myself, hearing things, seeing shadows again, but this time I wasn't going to wave it off as fear, I kinda shut myself in this big living room, knife up and brandished, turning around this way and that, checking every door until my dad got there. It wouldn't be fast enough though. The lights went out and I was met with these eyes, a silhouette in the shadow, it was so haunting it didn't feel real but I knew it was now and couldn't take the chance, I stuck the knife out and started yelling, firing questions that demanded answers, saying I had him now and all this ridiculous bravado.

That was when he took a step towards me, and down in his hand, another syringe. I kept my knife up but I was terrified. I tried to threaten him if he got any closer, but he didn't seem to care. He looked scruffy (like a real-life version of Guy from the Croods) and was in all black clothes, even gloves, and he took another step toward me with terrifying confidence. I (being a stupid teenager) started swinging this way and that, thinking if the knife is moving so fast all over the place there is no way he could get close. I was a fool. 

He waited for a good moment and slipped in, free hand grabbing my wrist and as much as I screamed and writhed and tried to free my hand and slice at him, he took the syringe and planted it into my forearm, which I tried to shake loose as I watched the weird murky white liquid be injected into me. 

My body started failing me almost immediately, joints going limp, my hand dropped the knife even, and my knees buckled as I began to fall to the floor, but this guy, he caught me, lowering me down as I was silently panicking, terrified, but unable to move or speak or scream for help. My dad's car pulled into the driveway but no matter how much I tried to scream there was nothing, and I was dragged outside, semi-conscious, in the freezing snow, until I blacked out, thinking this is it, I'm done, I'm dead. And it's all my fault for being stupid.

But I wasn't, not yet, I awoke, my body still extremely weak and pliable, and I was tied down on this table, like face down, it was like an old massage table, with the face hole. These are the moments part of me wished I was dead. I heard footsteps and saw two shoes approach, assuming it was the scruffy guy. I was then tortured, I won’t go into detail. It was awful, and lasted so long that I had time to think, because I couldn't speak, couldn't scream. I thought about how I wanted my dad. I thought about how this is what my friend must have gone through too, but at least I saved my cousin from it. 

It was awful but I was still alive when they stopped, seeing the shoes disappear again and a clatter as a bloody blade met the ground. I should have known that even in these horrible horrible circumstances, I should not have wished I was dead, ever. Because another pair of shoes approached me, tender quiet steps, no blood on the shoes, different gait, it was a different person. I felt their hands on me, my body was in agony, but their touch was far more gentle, I had no idea what was going on. The hands went to either side of my face and lifted it up so I could see, it was scruffy guy (which meant whoever was torturing me was somebody else) and he looked into my eyes and in his, my own agony was mirrored. He held my face tenderly and whispered he was sorry, he was really sorry, over and over again. He said he was a monster too, but they made him, not that it made it all okay, but he was still so sorry and he was gonna help me. Obviously I perked up a bit at this, still terrified and disgusted, maybe his conscience would get me out of here, go get help or something - but I was mistaken, he was still too scared of the consequences, still had something being held over his head. When he said he would help me, I never could have guessed that he meant he would put me out of my misery. He held my head in his lap, and he ended my life, he killed me, and god did it hurt but I couldnt struggle, and death was far less painful than all I had been through in the past hours of torture. I died, freezing cold, powerless, tears falling down my cheeks and staining his jeans. 

This, however, is not where my story ended. 

I'm not sure when this dream started to incorporate the supernatural, but I stayed around, call it unfinished business or what have you, but I was there. I was a ghost or whatever you want to call it. 

It started as really difficult to control, I had no idea what happened to my body, but this began a whole intense grieving breakdown. Tears, wailing, banging on walls, crying about how I had wanted to do so many things with my life, how I wanted to hug my dad, or my stuffed animals one more time, how I had never thought that realistically my time would be up at 17, it was awful, horrible and far beyond sadness.

Somewhere in the midst of all this pain and anguish, I sort of realised (but didn't yet really care) that my stronger emotions sort of felt weird and fuzzy, and I could actually interact with the world, bang on the walls with my fists, kick a door so hard it banged against the wall in its swing. It was like I was flickering in and out of existence as a ghost in the plane of the real world. 

I realised this was assisted in feeling my most strong and extreme of emotions, my rage, my upset, and I thought of its uses in practice. Maybe I could go back home and see my dad, maybe I could prevent it happening to anyone else, maybe I could get revenge for my death. So I broke out of whatever dingy little room I was in, it was some warehouse on some industrial estate I didn’t recognise. It didn't click in my teenage brain who was still coming to grips with an afterlife, but that room... was where they had stuffed my body along with any others. 

I got outside and it was strange that I still felt the cold. It was like when I was interacting and existing in the real world, that I could still feel, like a human, and it was dark and snowy. Anyways I found this set of tracks, footsteps, it went around the outside of the warehouse to this lamppost, and then became a set of bicycle tyre tracks. I had no way of knowing who it belonged to, but I had an idea, and I had to follow it through because quite frankly there was no one else around, I didn't know how to get home from there. Or if anyone could even see or believe me. I hadn’t believed in anything supernatural, or an afterlife, before my own death.

I followed the tracks for what felt like a few miles, eventually reaching this derelict sort of residential street, a lot of boarded up houses, old newspapers, overloaded trash bins on the street, and the tracks almost disappeared in the snow, but eventually I found the bike they led to. I went inside, (I wasn't quite sure how my ghost-abilities worked yet and didn't want to get stuck phasing through a wall, so I took the door. Once again, I was still wrapping my head around it, a few times my hand phased right through the handle, until I got pissed off, and I managed to jiggle it a bit, until I really got ahold of it and let myself in, it closed behind me) and found something I didn't quite expect. Down some stairs into a very dingy and dimly lit basement, all vertical wood panelled, the smell of smoke, mess everywhere, there was an old pc on a messy desk, a beat up guitar in the corner, and then on a gross makeshift bed in the other corner, it was scruffy guy, asleep curled up in a ball.

I was overtaken with rage, having found one of the people that was responsible for all this, and it wasn't hard to start messing with shit. I didn't make myself seen at first, just started throwing shit, knocked the guitar over, it woke him up and he started to freak out a little too, fear in his eyes, it was making me happy - until I started to realise (from a lifetime of watching Supernatural) that I didn't want to turn into a ghoul or lose myself to rage and become some kind of poltergeist. 

I made myself visible using all of my rage and upset, and as soon as his fearful eyes fell on me, after a second of disbelief, he started.. crying. I'm not kidding. Full-on tears, he must have thought he was losing his mind or hallucinating, because he fell down to his knees and started crying. He seemed to think I was a nightmare or a really bad trip.

It took him a moment to gather himself and I used all of my energy to even muster words. Frankly this was a bit of a blur, I'm not even sure what exactly I said but I'll give you the basic gist of the conversation. I was furious, starting yelling and screaming even if a few of them did come out as garbled, muffled, or general ghosty-sounding noises. Despite his tears, I yelled about how I didn't deserve all this, nobody did. I actually got so angry that I started throwing things at him, he put his arms up defensively, I swung and punched and cried, I think I even split his lip. It was nothing compared to what I wanted to do, what I believed he deserved. But he didn’t fight back. He didn’t try to run or leave, he just sort of took it, like he knew he deserved it.

Once again in a scared defensive tone he burst out the apologies, crying over and over that he was so sorry, he never wanted any of this, that he couldn't stop, he had no choice, and that he was so sorry. That this is why he put me "out of my misery" because he couldn't stand being forced to hear them torturing me for fun like so many women before me, so he made it look as if the torture killed me. Of course I was still furious but I started to break down too. He was still terrified of my rage and extremely apologetic, but there was a weird tone in his voice, like he had been made too cold to even connect to another human. I broke down again, having my moments of "how dare you take my life away from me" and "is this what you did to my friend? And how many others?" And "I had so many things I still wanted to do, I wasn't done, it isn't fair, I just want to cuddle my dog one more time" and a lot more that are quite upsetting for me to even write down here.

He never stopped me, didn't even try to prevent me from trashing his room, he just stared at me, tears in his eyes, letting me trash it all until I tired myself out, having to sit down on his stupid gross bed to catch my breath and recover, which meant I was also like flickering in and out of being visible too. He was confused and scared and didn't even mention it.

I asked him what the hell he meant by "didn't have a choice" and why, if he was so sorry, was he doing this to innocent girls. He explained that it wasn't just him and some other guy, it was a network who had purposefully designed the fucked up drug in those syringes, and it was a ploy for stealing women for human trafficking. He explained that he wanted nothing to do with it, but his father was one of them before he died, and his mother was one of the poor women trafficked, and eventually killed. He explained that they basically raised him into it, and his two younger siblings, a little girl and a little boy, were taken away from him by these people, so they could hold their safety over his head and force him to do whatever they wanted, like swiping new girls like his father used to do. I wasn't exactly forgiving or sympathising with him, but it was a heart wrenching story, he even showed me a photo of the two kids, his siblings, and an old unwashed blanket that belonged to his little sister. They were so young. It had apparently been three years since he had even seen them. He went on to say that he never wanted to do any of this, but if he didnt bring them girls or if he went to the police for help, then they would hurt his siblings. Unfortunately in his own fucked-up traumatised mind, killing some of the girls and making it look like an accident from the torture, it was his only way of giving mercy to any of the women, making sure they wouldn’t be sold. It made me wonder why I was the only ghost I was seeing, why I wasn't seeing tons of other ghosts of dead women back in that warehouse.

Somewhere in my own confused and traumatised mind I started to empathise with this guy, his name was Nathaniel, but he went by Nate, and he sort of started to dissociate, but I wasn't done there. Maybe this guy, who looked about my age, was fucked up and did fucked up shit, but it sounded like he was as much a victim as he was a perpetrator. I couldn’t ignore my rage, but I did not have the strength in me to keep beating on him. I still wanted my revenge though, I wanted to tear this all down with this afterlife I had been gifted, so I told him I was going back to the warehouse to find information and that he would have to deliver it to the authorities so that the whole system would come crashing down, hopefully saving a whole lot of women and preventing it from happening to anyone else, even if I was still overcome with grief.

Nate naturally was too terrified to consider this an option and instead begged me to look for his little siblings, that he couldn't do anything unless they were safe. I hesitantly agreed, because no one deserved to be the victim of these horrible people, not this traumatised idiot raised in fire and not his little siblings either. So I went all the way back to that warehouse. I slipped inside, starting to get the hang of my abilities just a little bit more, and started to look around. I didn't find much in the way of evidence or leads apart from a whole lot of mess, bloodied rags, that sort of thing, so I headed back to the room I woke up in - that's where I found my body. It was horrible. Despite this and after another crying breakdown, I slipped off this red beaded bracelet I had been wearing, intending to return it to my dad for closure. 

After having that moment of closure myself, I painstakingly left my own body, having not found the remains of my friend and hoping she was still alive (though beneath the pile my body was on, I did find charred remains, little bones and tiny shreds of burnt cloth, it was incredibly sad and only fueled my rage) I kept searching the warehouse, until I found some sort of office.

It had a few locked filing cabinets which are no hardship for a ghost, and inside were like tracking papers and ownership certificates, treating these poor women like cattle, but nothing on my friend, and nothing on those kids, until I found a little file in one of the locked drawers, that had an old bent photograph of two terrified looking little kids, skinny and worse for wear, but still recognisable as Nates siblings, it hurt to even look at, but I kept hold of it as proof.

Rifling through enough stuff, I found a letter, some bullshit about buying some women, but the important thing was it was addressed to someone who had to be important or like a boss in this stupid system, and it was addressed not to the warehouse, but to his home.

In my rage I didn't even care that it was dark and cold, and that I would probably be traumatising anyone who saw me flickering in and out of existence as I began the long walk in the snow to wherever this address took me. Eventually I found a house, it was large and fancy and clearly owned by someone with a lot of money, but no one was home much to my disappointment. Regardless, my growing anger took over me and I wrecked it all, trashing every room, tearing furniture apart, I even sort of scared myself with my growing strength, and each time I used it, it only made me more and more upset.

Then I heard a car engine pulling up. Immediately I hid in the shadows, then realised like an idiot that I didn't have to do that, I'm dead, so I left the trashed office with letters and evidence all over the floor and went downstairs and out the front door, leaving it wide open. I found myself in the garage, and a man was in his car, parking up, he hadn’t even had time to take off his seatbelt as he gathered some things from the passenger seat, but he never got the chance to leave his car. I appeared (more like apparated) in front of him in the driver's seat, had I not been a ghost I would have basically been sat in his damn lap, and I grabbed his shirt collars. The look of shock and fear in his eyes made me feel so fucking good. I started yelling at him, demanding answers about everything, I wanted to know where the hell my friend was, and this guy, freaking out and thinking he is losing his mind, tells me all the girls get new names when they are sold and that she was in a holding cell pending purchase, in a different warehouse, with the name Jasmine. I got him to tell me exactly where this warehouse was, and he was hesitant, but I grabbed his throat and squeezed until he coughed up the information. I was about to leave again, until I remembered Nate's little brother and sister. 

I pulled out the photo I had found in his office at the warehouse, and shoved it in his face, demanding to know where the children were. He said he and his 'business' had no interest in children, and that they were just being held and all this crap about them but it was clearly things he was making up on the spot so I roughed him up a little bit, like phasing/gripping into his chest, it even spooked me a little. In the pain I made him reveal the truth, and it was horrible. He said it was too much money he didn't want to spend keeping the little 'rugrats' alive, so he took lots of photos as 'proof' to hold over Nate and had them killed and burnt almost a year and a half ago, just like any women he disposed of. This made me feel white hot with rage, I couldn't even speak, I drove my hand further into his chest until he screamed and then I disappeared from in front of him. He looked confused and scared and tried to bundle out of his car but I locked the doors, and started the engine, closing the garage door behind me as I trapped him inside to feel his own slow death, riddled with the same fear he inflicted on god knows how many people. 

I waited outside with his briefcase for a moment before his screams and yells stopped, and I used the blood on my hand to write murderer on the garage door, not giving a crap if my fingerprints were in it, not like they could arrest a dead girl. I was past caring. I went inside to grab a load more of the papers and shoved them into the briefcase

I think I must have cried the entire way back, not giving a shit if anyone saw me, a ghost, carrying a briefcase through the snow. I didn't know where to go, the other warehouse was too far away to walk, and I couldn't exactly go home like this, not that I even knew where home was from here, and no police would start believing in the supernatural to take me seriously so I went back to Nathaniel.

I woke him up again when I dropped the briefcase to the floor, and he burst upright, a little scared but a little relieved to see me and not someone else. I collapsed to the floor and I guess he had a conscience because he got off the bed and told me to take it whilst I told him what happened. He grabbed an old towel and cleaned the blood off of my fingers, which felt really weird as someone who didn't quite exist, but with all the rage and upset I was feeling I couldn't even "turn it off" or disappear, I was stuck in the real plane, almost like a person again. He was even concerned for a moment, worrying that the blood was mine - it took a moment for it to sink in that ghosts don’t bleed.

I gave him my bracelet and told him it needed to go to my father, and I showed him the briefcase and told him about 'Jasmine' and the other warehouses where they made the paralytic and held the girls, with all their tracking and selling information, and told him it would need to go to the authorities. Obviously he was anxious at all of this and was waiting on news about his little siblings, which I almost could not bring myself to tell him, but as I collapsed onto that gross bed, feeling honestly a little sorry for him, I knew he would never help me expose this all unless I told him. 

It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done, delivering the news to him that his little brother and sister had been killed, dead for ages, and they had been lying to him about holding them somewhere safe so he would do their bidding. Part of him didn't even believe me, I had to pull out the photograph, it was awful. And I'm not sure what happened here, maybe because it was a dream, or maybe because I was still just a teenager myself and so was he, or maybe just because I was in such a vulnerable position, I actually started feeling for him. I don't wanna dive into the weird fucked up psychology of this, I'm simply writing it down as it happened.

That night felt longer than any other night in my life, which was crazy because I wasn't even alive, even if I was starting to feel like I was, remembering I was just a ghost felt like a punch to the gut every damn time, and I hate to say it, but Nate was making me feel real, treating me like it, he never stopped being apologetic, seeming as broken as I was, especially knowing the truth about his little brother and sister. His own rage started to show, knowing that there was nothing they could hold over him any more, he was fearing for his own life less and less, in a sort of distressed and self destructive way, talking about how he was going to tear them down with me even if it got him killed too because he deserved it, no matter how many times I told him no.

Here's a funny thing, did you know ghosts could sleep? And dream? Because I didn't. Don't get me wrong, I didn't really feel hunger or thirst any more, but I could feel the cold of the snow, the warmth of that old mattress, and I dreamt; of when I was alive, it was more like and old tape replaying my memories, it felt way better than being awake, but the sun doesn't care about that, it rose anyway.

The next morning was tense, I hated the whiplash from waking from my dreams, into my new reality, and Nate had barely slept anyways, he said he had just been looking over the stuff in the briefcase, and the photograph, and watching me in disbelief just in case he was crazy and I was all just a hallucination, but I was real, I felt it when he reached out and touched my arm, my anger was dwindling, replaced with heart ache. The weirdest experience ever.

Anyways, with a lot of, well, bullying, from me, I convinced Nate to take this all to the authorities, and a lot more than just police got involved as this organisation seemed to span across the country, I was lingering the whole time, I even popped in when he was being questioned, and he was clearly uncomfortable and scared especially when they were basically interrogating him about the woman and his siblings, and the guy found dead in his car in his garage, and we both knew it wasn't Nate that did that, but there was no way they would have believed it was me. They knew Nate was somehow involved, and it did not sound like they cared about his own trauma and reasons.

Instead I did something extremely uncharacteristic, we left all the evidence there, the briefcase, the photograph, and the address to the other warehouses, but I broke him out. I helped Nate leave the building quietly and without detection, knowing he would go down for a lot of this too, if I didn't, and deep down I knew he didn't deserve the same treatment as all of those wacko's abusing women and killing children. He needed help. So I did. 

Over the next few days, maybe even weeks (time blurs when you aren't really alive) I stayed with Nate. I helped him stay safe and avoid detection as he ran away, and he helped me, working on my abilities and the stability of my corporeal form and (as fucked up as it is) we got pretty damn close. Maybe it was a trauma bond, Stolkholm, who knows. I'm not saying it's right but it happened.

The trafficking ring collapsed pretty quickly, a lot of girls were rescued and taken into protective custody, including my friend, who was pretty beaten but alive, and a lot of the sellers and buyers and stuff were tracked down too, imprisoned for a very very long time. 

I never stopped looking for his siblings, hoping maybe they would be ghosts like me, but I never found them, or any other ghosts really, except for a few of the other women I didn't know, other victims of the trafficking ring, I had to explain to them that they were dead, that they could pass on if they wanted to, and that this wouldn't happen to any other girls, because I had made sure of it. One of them even asked me to thank the guy that put her out of her misery because she couldn't take any more of the torture. She was talking about Nate. She actually wanted to thank him.

Over these few weeks, I decided that as long as I didn't lose my humanity entirely, I did not want to pass on, I wanted to stay. I fought an internal battle over going to see my father, I didn't want to reopen wounds for him when he was grieving his daughter, but I wanted to give him closure, tell him that I love him and that I was okay despite being dead, and that I had helped take down the whole organisation, but with Nates help I fended off the idea for a while, giving him time to grieve me and heal, I heard they even held a funeral for me. I went but stayed quite a distance away to allow people their own grieving, it was horrible watching them all wearing black, umbrellas in the rain, gathered around a casket. I almost went over there to see my dad when he broke down during a speech, but Nate stopped me thankfully. I stayed with Nate and we became more than fast friends. It was so twisted but we were all we had, looking out for each other, keeping each other safe and in check. I even helped him get his own help, therapy, etc.

After a few months, we decided it was time, I took my bracelet and Nate helped me find my way home. I was appearing real and corporeal more and more nowadays compared to my ethereal ghostly self, because it helped not raise any questions when I wasn't locking myself away, and it hurt me less to think about. The longer I went in my real body, even though it took a lot out of me, the less I was hurt by the knowledge of my past and how my life had ended. 

I appeared to my dad and he freaked out at first, as I expected. He demanded to know who Nate was, and if this was some sort of sick trick, but I proved to him that it wasn't, ghostly tricks and all, and Nate gave him my bracelet as proof and closure. We explained that I was a ghost, we weren't sure how or why, and that I had stayed away to allow him to grieve. I told him about how I toppled the people that took us, and how I had been the one (with Nate's help) to get my friend back to her parents, and that I was so sorry I didn't make it back to him, at which point Nate had to excuse himself, trying not to break down. We weren't 100% honest with him about Nate's part in all this, we didn't want to confuse or hurt him and I knew he wouldn't understand. 

My dad was worried for a while about me not passing on, being at rest or whatever, and took a while to accept the truth, but he was comforted by my presence and I was glad to have my dad back. Slowly but surely, after a long time of my dad and Nate being all I had, he introduced the concept of an afterlife to a few of my family members like my sisters, and my Gran, and when they were ready I showed myself to them too. Cue all the same breakdowns of disbelief and all sorts of emotions, but it was a weirdly dark but happy ending, I got to see my family again, my dog, my belongings, Nate was free from the control of the traffickers who were mostly all locked up if not dead, and I had helped him find a safe place to live that wasn't that grimy basement, and we were effectively inseparable, as I stayed with him most of the time to stop putting so much weight on my family. He went through a lot, I lost count of how many times he would break down, his nonchalant cold exterior cracking as he would apologise to me, he would still have nightmares about it all, and sometimes we would visit the memorial erected for the women who were lost, it was weird reading my own name on the plaque on the stone, but I got over it with time and support. He dedicated himself to keeping me and my secret safe, he got clean, he did the therapy, got his own job, and even took me to experiences that I never got to have before I passed.

What a weird dream…

[tiredelirium]

D.2

Writing things out without thinking anything through seems to lead me to write words I’ve thought before but never committed to conversation. In part thats because there aren’t many people I talk to. Connections are difficult to make, because they’re a two sided interaction.

The first side reaches out. A question asked. A statement made. A memory voiced. A story shared.

The second side is a response. An answer to the question. An affirmation to the statement. A nostalgia trip to the memory. An appreciation for the story.

And so it goes. Back and forth, a pendulum of conversation. At least, thats what I think it should be. Reality for me is the first side comes and I have no response. Or I never reach out with words in the first place. The words come later. Shower thoughts and late night realisations.

It’s not that I can’t talk. Or have no interests. I am capable of both the first and second sides. I wouldn’t be a functioning human otherwise.

Yet.

How can I write all that, and see myself from a third person view as a hollow with an empty voice.

She told me in a letter a part of her past she’d never told anyone. That part put past thoughts into context and shone new light on interactions we’d had throughout our relationship. She’d always seemed to think I would’ve cheated on her while we were long distance. As if I was someone attracted toward and would have pounced on anything that moved.

These thoughts were not accurate.

It was only ever her once we were together.

Her I wanted to hold hands with.

Her I wanted to share food with.

Her I wanted to be around.

Her I wanted to kiss.

Maybe I wasn’t affectionate enough, despite my messages and words to her. Maybe she thought I’d find affection elsewhere, in none-existent relations. I was excited with her, and enjoyed the things we shared.

It might just be my failures to reach out and my failures to respond compounded and reacted too much with each other. It was time ticking down. An inevitability to break up because I wasn’t in a good place and thought she’d be worse off with me than without me. I’ve said it before but thats probably excuses.

Not long after our relationship ended. Maybe eight months? My mum got really sick.

She’d already been unwell most of her life. Leg surgery. Arthritis. Muscle issues. Heart attacks. An inability to be able to exercise consistently, despite good eating habits overall, and having three kids, led her to leaning more to being overweight. The weight and disabilities combined impacted her in a lot of ways, but she was always strong.

She used to be able to walk freely around the house without any aide and could go shopping with her sister without tiredness or complaint and only required a single crutch for that safety net in case the ground was too uneven, or a stone got caught underfoot.

Then she got sick.

Middle of the night, she couldn’t breathe.

Paramedics came and she was taken to the hospital my dad in tow. I stayed behind because we couldn’t abandon the dog. When I was finally able to visit, she’d been seen to by doctors. She had a tube out her back venting fluid from her lungs. The doctors couldn’t say for certain what it was that had happened. But they were pumping out the infection.

This only lasted for a five days, then she was discharged. All her strength was gone. Two crutches to navigate her own house. She couldn’t climb the stairs anymore. Couldn’t reach the bathroom.

Any decent person can easily fathom what my dad and I did for her during this period of time while my dad went about the process of plans for altering the house, planning on turning a downstairs room into a bedroom for her with downstairs toilets. A month after she’d gotten home she was back in the hospital again. She’d looked drained and was getting worse again. My eldest sister took her that time, without hesitation. Once more, her lungs were being drained.

That time they kept her longer. Till they were sure she was infection free. Till all the black in her lungs was gone.

I talked a lot with her while she was in hospital about my ex. What she had really thought about our relationship. What she had thought about us breaking up. She thought I’d seemed happier after the break up. She said I looked like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. She asked why we genuinely had broke up, and I lied and said it was mutual. Because she was in the hospital.

I couldn’t tell her I’d broken up with my ex because I thought I was holding her back. That would’ve been far too sad.

When she finally came home my dad began the work on a downstairs room for her in earnest. Over the winter of 2019 it was made, a bedroom for her. A walk in washroom and toilet.

She didn’t go out anymore, couldn’t really. Navigating the house safely for her required crutches at all times. By this point I’d taken on the role of doing all the house shopping and laundry rather than just my own, my dad had taken on the job of cooking more meals than he had ever used to. All of her confidence was gone along with her already limited dexterity.

My mum had went from being able to do everything in her retirement to being able to do the bare minimum for herself in just under half a year.

Then it was 2020.

[troutpopulation]

can I tell u bday drama OK thanks (pt 1)

Hi reddit so I've had the same 3 friends for 17 years Megan (bestie) Sophia (the issue) and Dani (lives out of State)

Sophias got 2 bad habit 1 of which is canceling plans the night before or day of. 2 she gets off on the attention she gets from overworking herself into burnout and we've been urging her now for 4 years she needs to cut the shit out and worry more about her health than DnD.

So on homestuck day I got kidnapped, drugged with coke and SA'd in thr back of a car and the next day we were supposed to go to her family's boat, which she canceled and instead invited us to her mom's house. After finding out while I was in the hospital what happened to me she canceled entirely and I found our later it wasn't from a "headache" it was so she didn't miss DnD.

2 months go by and she never makes an effort to see me, and let's the gc know she's been going to parties and involved in her friends ex drama. The day were all supposed to fly up to Seattle for Dani's graduation is approaching and Sophia says hey I'm in town come hang! I say no, and fake being busy. Next day she says hey I brought the friend I've been wanting u to meet for 3 years! And I realise if I don't go, my first time seeing her will be in Seattle and I don't trust her not to make a scene when she realizes I don't fucking like her anymore.

So I go, I'm not rude but when they both tell me she drives through my town, stops at her mom's place which is 3 mins from my house, and drives another 45 mins to his house on a biweekly basis I'm like. Sophia I'm incredibly disappointed that we haven't hung out and you always say it's too far to come see me. Otherwise, hangout goes without a hitch and the guys really fun.

The next day, Megan calls me after class and says that Sophia told her she's been isolating for months and that's why she hasn't seen me or anybody and her parents are fighting and she dropped out of classes and she's been stressed so we should talk about this BEFORE Seattle. I told her that's funny because before I said anything about her not seeing me for a while she was talking about the parties she had been to just like 2 weeks ago. And how she's been driving to see this boy. But yes I will talk to her. Megan's like Interesting...

I call Sophia and she immediately starts profusely apologizing and giving the same explanation she gave Megan, I point out the inconsistencies and she starts freaking out and making more excuses like she dropped out of 3 extracurriculars and only has a few left which like. I didn't say but why do you have more than 4 extracurriculars. She then starts talking about all of her problems and then doubles back and says she didn't say anything to me and ghosted bc she didn't want her problems taking the forefront and I was like when has that ever been a thing. As a group, shit TENDS to happen to us all at once. I was getting stalked, her dog died, and Megan's car got totaled while she was dealing with taking her cousin to court for CSA/incest AT THE SAME TIME. And we all, as we've done for 17 years, got through it together and coped together. That has NEVER been an excuse. I tell her I wish she would have just said she had a lot going on than just ghosting (but lets be real the reason she never said anything is bc she forgot, this isn't the first time).

She starts crying and wailing about I love you! I can't imagine life without you (she's done a fine job at it thus far) you're supposed to be my maid of honor the aunt to my kids I need you in my life my entire life is planned with you in it!!

At this point I feel like throwing up so I just tell her hey. Anything you wanna say you'll get a chance to, but I'm getting overwhelmed right now and I need to leave. I'm not going anywhere, please don't stress out tonight. We will be civil in Seattle. OK? Are we OK? Love you. Bye.

Megan told me a few days later over icecream Sophia called her back and Megan just tore into her that all of this is the consequences of her own actions, Ive dropped everything for her for lesser problems and Sophia managed to show up for Megan when her mom died and when other things happened but the one time I needed her she failed. This was her own fault.

Seattle rolls around and we act totally like normal, everyone knows about everything but we are focusing on Danis graduation.

[percontaion-points]

EatCoD chapter 4

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Click here for the rest of the series!

Chapter 4

“Your dad is Robert, Alpha of the Southeastern White Tooth pack.”

Why did the father only get a name after he was dead?

I scanned the car once more and couldn’t find a single thing that reminded me of home to bring with me.

Wow, it’s almost like she didn’t bring anything with her? And why would Aaron have stuff in HIS car that would remind Liz of HER home?

“That’s because you have a high fever. At least a hundred and seven.”

From google: Numbers that are cause for concern: 105°F – Go to the emergency room.

JFC, get her to a freaking hospital. 

I looked for anything I could use as a weapon.

[...]

Then I noticed a freestanding toilet paper caddy next to the toilet. It had a pointed end, maybe I could use it as a weapon? But what would I do with the toilet paper?

Oh no, think about the poor toilet paper!!

I dressed quickly, silently thanking whoever was in charge of getting me new clothes that they thought to buy a bra and some underwear. Red lace. Hmmm. Kinky. 

Something tells me that the bra isn’t going to be supportive. The kind of bra you wear only to tease your partner in the bedroom.

And honestly, I’d rather go without a bra than have to wear one of those under regular clothes. 

“Elizabeth? Why is the toilet paper caddy in here?”

Just going to leave this right here…

“Did you just call me dude?” Christian put the plate down in front of him and Avery poured the syrup on his pancakes. 

“Dude, nerd, asshole…” 

Avery put the syrup on the other side of his plate, away from Hunter. “Everybody knows that you take all of the syrup. I’d say that would make you the asshole in this room.” He shoved a triangle of pancakes in his mouth.

Oh boy, I can’t wait to read this for the rest of the series. 

SAID NOBODY. EVER. 

“Could I ride on one your backs?” 

Hunter rolled his eyes and a burst of laughter came from Christian. Hunter took the last plate from my hands. “No, you cannot just ride on our backs. We aren’t your pet.” 

Wow. Talk about a reaction. “Sorry, I didn’t realize.” 

“Not yet, anyway.”

Of course somebody makes it weird. 

I’d taken a couple days off at the mortgage company to deal with pack issues but my boss was going to worry if I didn’t come in soon.

I’ve seen enough true crime documentaries to know that somebody at her work is going to call the police. 

In a logical and just world, they’d see the bodies of Liz’s parents (because you KNOW that they wouldn’t have actually done anything with the bodies) and a huge investigation would kick off. 

But this is a shitty reverse harem romance series, so I’m expecting literally none of that.

There was a clawing in my stomach, ripping and shredding my insides, like a wild beast trying to get out.

Chapter 4 summary: Liz is quick to realise that it’s a dragon… and a big one at that. She’s forced to continue on, since the pack is closing in on her, but then the dragon leaves to go fight the wolves. Another car comes from the opposite way, and a man Liz hasn’t seen before is like “You’re Liz right? Your father is Robert, and your mom is Jane, no?” Liz doesn’t want to get into the car with him, but she feels like she has no choice. In there, he introduces himself as Christian, and the driver as Avery; it’s mentioned that the dragon is named Hunter. 

They drive for a really long time, only stopping for gas once. As they drive, Liz starts to feel worse and worse; like her body is on fire. 

When they get to a safe house, Liz tries to bolt. But then Hunter tackles her to the ground, and she passes out. Liz wakes up hours later, and Hunter comes to tell her that she has a fever of 107. He helps her to take an ice bath, but after they’re done, she’s feeling a little better. She finds new clothes in her room. 

Downstairs, the others have made breakfast for her. The boys act like immature toddlers, and end up spraying water everywhere. As they’re cleaning up, and Liz helps with the dishes, she asks them questions about the weredragons. They say that their species is highly endangered, so they keep to themselves. When asked why they can’t come out to the werewolves, they pointedly tell her that the wolves would attack them. 

They also explain to her that the reason why she’s burning up and has a huge appetite is because she’s finally starting to shift. That they’ll remain at this safe house until after her first shift, then they’ll move on to another safe house. Liz obviously wants to train so that she can go back and kick Scarface’s ass. 

They randomly find a stray kitten outside the kitchen door, and Liz wants to keep it. But then she’s overcome with such a huge burst of pain that it’s the only thing she can think about. 

[getris]

I've heard some people use tumblr as a way of venting or letting things out, i guess those are the same thing and i figured ill give this a try.

This will mostly be me venting to myself about things to do with my life starting with my grandad, and id like to stay anonymous so i wont mention his name.

But on may 28th 2023 i lost my grandad, so about 6 months ago now, ive delt with mental health issues for the majority of my life, idk if thats due to a cocktail of family issues, medication my mother was taking when she was pregnant with me or if theres just something not quite right in my head.

Ive delt with major trust issues, self confidence and self image issues, physical and emotional abuse from both parents and emotional abuse and manipulation from an ex partner but never in my life has anything come quite as close to the level of mind twisting torment that grief has provided; i loved my grandad dearly, out of every member of my dysfunctional family he has consistently been the only safe space, i have never once seen him get angry, swear or even raise his voice unless he was letting out one of his typical hearty chuckles and i think i can safely say that no matter what anyone said he couldnt get angry or judge.

That doesnt mean he is incapable of being firm, he was a fair man and if you did something truly stupid or disappointing he would give you this specific look, one that is still filled with love and compassion but sadness and disappointment and he might throw in a softly spoken "dont do that" (but a little rugged from years of cigars and whiskey during his time in the army), even then his tone was reassuring and it never made you feel challenged but it always got through, i could be screaming at my mother, bright red faced and body full of adrenaline but the moment i caught that look and heard that tone it would all wash away and id feel nothing but regret for what ever was said or done, thats when you know someone is a good person, when they dont need to shout at you, push you or say harsh things, and a simple few calm words immediately diffuse the entire situation.

So naturally me and everyone else in my family were close to him, i have so many fond memories of him, like the time he had this golf cart (he loved golf) and my brother turned it on by accident and sent the thing shooting off down the street as my grandad desperately sprinted after it, or the times he would adamantly try to fix or build things on his own since hes an ex army mechanic and knew better, only to sheepishly realise hes made a mistake and go back to the instructions, he took me to a fishing tournament once and i honestly didnt care at all about the tournament but it was a lovely chance to spend one on one time with him as adults, he even bought me a cider and a beer for himself and that was the first and only chance i got to drink with him, that tournament was even broadcast on TV once so id love to go back and try to find it to see if i can spot me and my grandad in the crowd somewhere.

Theres so much more to the relationship between me and my grandad and im sure ill remember some of it and come back to write more another time, but you can imagine why it felt like my world was shook, i was at a friends house when i first got a call from my brother, he said something along the lines of my grandad had fell over and they took him to hospital, found out that it was potentially cancer but there was no certainty, i cried immediately after that call because to me my grandad was this big, unshakeable ex military man and ive seen him hurt a million times and be unbothered, so to hear that he had collapsed immediately sent waves through my body and i knew something wasnt right.

i spent another few days at my friends house and went home, at that time i was grossly behind with university work (due to mental health issues), and i had finals coming up so i had to force myself back into work, nothing but university and train times and study sessions on my mind because i had to pass, i had to... so i went to my friends house, we study better together and have similar mindsets, so it works out really well when we study and bounce ideas back and forth between each other to get the assignments done, i remember finishing a particularly gruelling study session with her one night when my brother messaged me saying he needs to tell me something but its better if i hear it in person, but i intended to stay at my friends until these assignments and exams were over so i pushed him to message me the update and thats where the regrets started.

My brother told me that my grandad was very sick, it was confirmed to be cancer and the moment i read that i felt physically sick, but my brother reassured me that my grandad was told he had a few years to live, so immediately i wasnt too hurt and i was hell bent that as soon as these exams are over im going to go visit him and once hes out of hospital ill make memories with him, drink with him if possible, anything he wanted.

But thats not how it went, i kept studying and handing in assignments and all i had left was one more exam and thats it im free for the summer and i can go see grandad, but just a day or so before the exam my brother messaged me again saying my grandads health had declined rapidly, he was told months, and then weeks left, so of course i panicked, but i had to do this exam and it was only one more day so surely everythings going to be fine and i can still go see him in the hospital and have a laugh and chat with him.

Exam day comes and i cant get it out of my mind by this point, my family told me they are visiting him that day and asked if i could come but because of visiting hours and my exam hours, i couldnt go but again i told myself "he has weeks left, i can bare one more day and visit him the moment my family goes again", so i went to university, went into that exam room and the entire time i couldnt focus, my university was in the same town that my grandad was in care, so all that was on my mind for that entire two hours was "hes only 30 minutes away, what if he passes while im in here", but the exam time passed painfully slowly but it passed regardless, after the exam i was insanely exhausted and depressed, i hung around with my friend after the exam for an hour or so and then took the train home, turns out timing is a bitch because the moment i got home my parents asked if i was still at uni because they could pick me up on their way to the hospital but i had just got home, the next train would be an hour from then so theres no way i could have visited.

Two days later i was at my mothers birthday when she informed me that my grandad didnt in fact have weeks, he had days left at most and they were going to see him the next day and theres no way im missing anymore chances, so the day comes that we get to go see him, but again something really did not feel right, we got in the car and only a few minutes after picking up my grandmother my aunt (who was at the hospital) said to come quick because he was choking on his own tongue at that point and they expect him to be gone any minute.

Thats the beginning of the heartbreak, seeing my own grandmother in the car talking out loud "just wait (his name) just wait a bit longer please", she was a lot like him, always innocent, always smiling and there she was begging to herself in the car crying, hoping he can just hold on a bit longer for her to be at his side.

We get to the hospital, i watched my nan walk as fast as she could, in pain to get to that room, the moment i walked in it felt like my entire world had ended in that instant, he was no longer my grandad, seeing him in that state felt like my heart had just been ripped out through my chest; he was pale, hairless, almost no muscle left on his body, his skin was a different colour, you could see his heart beating through his chest because his rib cage had twisted and changed shape, he had his eyes and mouth half open and all you could hear was struggled breaths, occasionally interrupted by a weak cough or the sound of him choking on his own tongue, his spine had broken in multiple areas from coughing, thats how frail his body had become.

It was painful, he was clearly suffering and i went through whirlwinds of anger, sadness, anger, sadness... Sad and heart broken seeing such a strong pillar of my world laying there struggling to even exist, and anger that he was allowed to stay in this state, nurses coming in to inject him or feed him medication that would only serve to keep him in this state for a little bit longer, i felt like he was being tortured in the most inhumane way for hours, he couldnt see or hear or speak by that point, just breathe and exist in pain.

Thats when family started talking, gossiping about his state and things he had done during his stay which further broke my heart, remember earlier when i said he had never sworn, never raised his voice and was effectively this gentle giant? Well i overheard my aunt, mother and grandmother talking about how he had been in such pain that he had started threatening the nurses, swearing at and insulting everyone within eyesight, begging both nurses and family to either kill him or take him somewhere where he could do it on his own terms, just typing that out brings a painful lump to my throat because to change such a gentle, loving man into that state must have meant either he was already suffering immensely, or he knew exactly bad it was going to get, it was shock after shock, emotional whiplash.

I stayed in that room for as long as i could which turned out to be 5 hours and 24 minutes, i couldnt bare a moment longer before i stood next to his bed and said my goodbyes, seeing a person you care so deeply about in such a state of suffering, staying in that room for those 5 hours had physically exhausted me, its not that i was just tired of being in the hospital, but i dont think i could have processed another second of that day without rest, so the second i got to my house i passed out in my bed, two hours later my phone was ringing and it was my brother, grandad was gone.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Honestly, you weren’t all that taken aback to see Tangerine standing just outside your house, casually lights the cigarette hanging from his lips; acting as though he wasn’t accumulating a small puddle of blood beneath him that was seeping through your lovely welcome mat. His well tailored clothes were unsalvageable, his skin was tainted with dirt, mucus, injuries of varying sizes and sections of his hair were mattered with his and someone else’s blood. Yet he still looked inexplicably handsome…for a British twat that was.

“Would you kindly mind in getting the fuck off my welcome mat, your getting your blood all over it.” You told him just as you opened the front door to be greeted with the sight of his broad backside. Tangerine looked over his shoulder and his eyes widened when they landed on your frame, “Oh fuck, this was your house? If I had fucking knew that beforehand I would have seen myself elsewhere.” You gave him a tight lipped smile, you and Tangerine didn’t have the best of relationships; you couldn’t pinpoint where it began but it felt like you could never withstand to be within one another’s presence. Needless to say your only common contact was his Thomas the tank engine obsessed brother, Lemon.

“Then why didn’t you?” You questioned, not actually wanting to know how the fuck he had found where you lived if it wasn’t under the pretence of killing you once and for all. His stance seemed to softened as his flicked away his cigarette butt into the open street, breathing out the last traces of smoke from his lungs. “I didn’t have anywhere to go.” Tangerine’s voice was vulnerable as he stared out across the street, unwilling to gauge your reaction for the very same reason you never gauge his when you knew he hit a nerve. You were both so alike in the most minute ways that it was easily missable by both parties involved, resulting in countless misconceptions where as something as simple communication could’ve been the easy clear cut solution.

“I was still high on adrenaline after my mission that when I finally came off the fucker, that’s when my injuries became a problem I couldn’t ignore.” You stayed silent, allowing for Tangerine to continue his story, “I knew I couldn’t go to the hospital and I didn’t want to bother Lemon on his day off that by the time I realised where I was I…found myself looking for you instead.” He finished, looking you at you briefly before looking away once more, still bleeding by the way. To your knowledge Tangerine wasn’t a man of vulnerability but more so one of brutality and profound swearing that would make a sailor blush. So to witness his guard fall before your very eyes was the equivalent to seeing pigs fly, it was against everything you’ve ever known but it was a welcoming shock to your system being able to witness such a sight.

“Say somethin’ then, I feel like a right fucking twat right about now.” Tangerine uttered, his guard coming back up when he realised that he had just allowed himself into being vulnerable within your presence and on your own doorstep too. You blinked back into reality and saw how much paler he had gotten from how he looked at the beginning of all this, all the while coming to the unspoken acknowledgement that you had to act quickly before you were left to drag his unconscious body all by your lonesome. Sighing, you opened the door wider for your unwilling guest, “get in,” you gestured with your head towards the hallway that stared back at you two, “and do it quick before anyone gets the impression that I’m hiding a dead body.” You added as Tangerine smiled at your invitation before wincing when he moved a certain way, causing his wounds to become more aggravated and quickly rushing for the comfort of your home.

All the while you grabbed the now ruined welcome mat and shutting the door behind you though not before giving the streets a quick glance over incase of some unwanted onlookers from perceiving the scene before them however they saw to fit their unreliable narrative. You were well aware of how unliked you were by the elders who lived across the street, you were well aware of how ever since you’ve moved into the neighbourhood they’ve done nothing but try in catching you doing some scandalous act that they could get you convicted for. Every morning they would scowl at you and every evening they could be seen on their front porch, watching your house like old decrepit hawks, hungry for an ounce of flesh to be thrown their way. ‘Desperate cunts’ you’d called them. Though recently they had to be relocated to a care home due to their inability to look after themselves as health complications began to arise.

You soon found Tangerine cooped up within your bathroom, stripped completely of his shirt as he helped himself to the first aid kit you had tucked away in your mirrored cabinet he was now staring himself in as he patched up some of the more significant wounds. You normally wouldn’t be caught dead staring at the one person you seemingly hated as equally as your elderly neighbours. Yet you found yourself immobile at the doorway, admiring the scars from previous jobs he had taken on and the way his muscles would react, tensing and almost flinching away from his own touch as he disinfected a particularly nasty wound upon his hip.

He must’ve caught your reflection because he only halted his movements to stare at you through the mirror, “you know instead of staring how about you either take a picture or lend a hand in patching me up, yeah.” You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest as to hide the fact that you were caught for your blatant starting, “your a grown man Tangerine, you should be able to take care of your own boo boos by now and besides I wasn’t staring, I was critiquing your sloppy job of patching yourself up.” The male only seemed to laugh at your attempt of a cover up as he went back to patching himself with the unreliable aid of your mirror. “Suit yourself, love.” He replied as he reached for the gauze,“suit yourself.”