#i just needed to get this out of me

[muchadoaboutnot]

.

In two days they leave finally.

Sable feels a stab of disappointment that Pennywise has not shown up since the night she fed him. But then she tells herself she should feel lucky or as a religious human would say: blessed.

Except she does feel a sense of guilt since she's heard since then there's been a few missing people... She doesn't check if they're adult or children. She can't bear it and instead puts everything into every show every night; it makes up for the first week of her being distracted by IT and doing poorly through some of the rehearsals and shows.

She feels a sense of accomplishment even and almost forgets him but again the sense of him about... It feels familiar now, it hums in her and she doesn't like it. Because she doesn't understand it.

Her kind were explorers of galaxies and if they found a suitable planet to take an interest in, well, that was it. That was home. Therefore Earth was home and she's so far was doing a good job of integrating into the society of humanity. But IT. His presence, whatever that thing, creature was, suddenly reminded her of what she was. Not human. It made her feel the light that was her body, the comet she could become- but she didn't want that. She didn't want the itch to travel again and find another planet. This was her planet.

But then it wasn't that, it wasn't the yearning to travel again, it was the yearning to connect. Out of all the damn things on this Earth, she felt a longing to see IT's true form and hold it, touch it- because she knew she could. She knew she could engage with Pennywise outside of their human bodies. Yet worst part she wanted to engage with his human glamour also! - the way he drooled and smiled with those teeth, buckteeth, and sharp teeth, all forms! As if something deep-seated was inside of her and she wanted to lick inside his mouth like an animal.

For once in her life she felt her age.

And her human formed ached, it felt sore and irritated and unpleasant. Like wearing a rubber glove for too long and it annoyed her because before him she was happy in the human form she picked.

All these thoughts plagued her as she sat atop her trailer. The cool air of night dried her hair, the show had finished hours ago and she showered and dressed just to sit cross legged outside on top of her trailer. Her eyes glowed every once in a while when she wanted to see who was walking around in the dark still, before turning back to brown and limited like a human's eye sight.

It was peaceful even if her mind wasn't yet unfortunately her thoughts were cut short in a manner.

The anxiety she felt grew, the frustration, something deep within her and at first it confused Sable- she knew this feeling, these feelings. But most of all she understood it wasn't her but it was him. This was his doing. Manipulating her thoughts, her feelings- but it was different it was more powerful, more potent, more terrifying.

Sable felt panic rise in her throat and as much as she tried to touch her celestial consciousness she could not. Instead she shifted to her knees, held out her hands in front of her as if blind in the darkness. The purple of her eyes did nothing and it frightened her.

What made it worse however was when she felt a firm and forceful hand grip around her left ankle. She was snatched so fast off the roof of her trailer she actually screeched. Short lived however as the air from her lungs was expelled so fast she was left gasping. She had hit the ground so fast and hard all she could do was hyperventilate.

And Pennywise looked terrible and foreboding as he leaned over her. Large smile set with sharp teeth. Eyes angry and red. His hair looked greasy and wild while his outfit looked disheveled with blood, as if he had finished eating something or someone not long ago.

"Hello~"

Was all Sable was able to understand from him before he stabbed her in the shoulder. His arms looked like that of some sort of insect creature, maybe a mantis. Perhaps some type of spider. Either way she cried out and even felt tears come to her brown eyes. Right away her hands flew to his offending appendage and she struggled trying to get him to unpin her from the ground. Instead all she got was his laughter in her ears as he leaned down close to her face.

"Stupid little thing, you had no chance against me."

His tongue felt slimy and his breath was putrid as he licked the whole side of her face. Tasting her salty tears, he even smirked in satisfaction at finally making the thing called Sable submit. Hearing her whimper and cry was so delicious to him.

"I am the Eater of Worlds." He said with confidence until she clawed his face.

It was his turn to startle but not cry out, instead he stood up and felt his face. Both of his arms and hands now human as she had clawed him and he felt around the open wound that was over half his face. His one good eye watched as his blood whisper and oozed in the air before he looked down at Sable.

She herself sat up on the ground, shoulder bleeding and breathing heavily but her one hand had turned that translucent black. Dark claws that sliced into the clown so easily.

"Why!?" Was all she could cry out at him.

With the worst attitude she could imagine he sneered at her.

"Why? Why, why, why?! Why you ask? Why are you here, why do you exist? Why can't I kill you?" The way the clowns voice broke at the last part gave her an idea it was feeling things it didn't want to feel.

He grinned at her in an unhumorous way, his eyes full of hate, panic, and distress. Yet when he turned his right arm back into the javelin like insect arm and raised it above her. He wavered. He couldn't stab her again as he looked down at Sable who just sat on the ground.

"Why don't you get up?! Hey! You little idiot, do something!"

He taunted her but it was half hearted, if anything it sounded desperate.

Sable herself was confused and hurt, not even physically because she could ignore that wound. Even as it poured blood. Instead she felt hurt in her chest, within her heart. But then she told herself to stop being stupid and as she watched him come undone in front of her so did his illusions.

The terrifying feeling was leaving her and instead she felt anger swell inside her.

Quickly she got up on her feet, feeling her body become weak from the blood loss before she closed the wound. Something she didn't know she was capable of. Something new he taught her.

Still as she rounded onto him she could tell he was ready to be stabbed, to fight, to do anything but what she did.

Sable slapped him across the face.

Her hand connected on the good side of his face, the cheek that wasn't torn and had enough surface to make his head snap to the side. They were both sure if he was other than what he was it would have snapped his neck.

"What's wrong with you?!"

"W-"

"No! I get to speak now! I don't care what or who you are, I've done nothing to you from the start! I made myself clear I could care less what you do in this... Hunting grounds of yours. Just stay away from the show. Restrain yourself for two weeks but you couldn't do that. That's on you! Not me!"

Sable watched as he shrunk back from her and her scolding. Watched as he tried to reassemble his face as she spoke. The pathetic creature in front of her looked miserable and not at all scary anymore yet the worst part was...

"What do you want from me, Pennywise?"

Sable was close enough to him now she took both of her hands to either side of his face, and with quick and strong fingers... Pulled him close. Making him lean down and bend over so they could be eye to eye. Her pretty purple eyes glittered at his puffy yellow ones. As if it was he had cried and not her.

"You."

His tone was flat, almost defeated.

Sable didn't know what to say to that right away, instead they peered at each other before she moved one of her hands. The side of his head still reforming she decided to help. Although at first she pushed her fingernails through the carnage of his ripped flesh. She felt some of the skin and meat underneath her fingernails before withdrawing to lightly set her hand over the flesh. With soft strokes his cheeks became whole again, his eye blinked as it could see again. Comically he blinked slow and stupidly with both eyes now as he adjusted to having them both work again.

"How dramatic. Do you think you can't have me so instead you tried to kill me?"

The confusion is clear on his face at her words.

"I... Can have you?"

"Not acting like this! Idiotic. You're the stupid one." Sable spit at him, glowering as she held his face still.

Suspicious was clear in the clowns tone, "I'm trying to kill you."

"I'm not human." Was her simple reply as if that would explain everything. "I'm harder to kill."

Surprise filled her eyes however after her smart remake, because she felt Pennywise put his full weight of his head in her hands. She had to readjust her grip as she watched his whole body sag even.

For a few more seconds she thought about her next words.

"Did you eat someone?" Sable questioned and only got a long and bored look. "Stop eating... People."

"Are you going to make me?"

"I'll feed you."

Again they were quiet as they looked at each other.

"I'll rub your belly again; I think you liked it."

[christadeguchi]

(✿◕‿◕) die (ꈍ ꒳ ꈍ✿)

[hymnoeides]

'Cause I'm stuck with your stories

[adriles]

when we’re done with our overwhelming grief we’ll eat i guess

[chloesimaginationthings]

Abby went into the pit and made a FNAF friend..

[stromblessed]

Mizu, femininity, and fallen sparrows

In my last post about Mizu and Akemi, I feel like I came across as overly critical of Mizu given that Mizu is a woman who - in her own words - has to live as a man in order to go down the path of revenge.

If she is ever discovered to be female by the wrong person, she will not only be unable to complete her quest, but there's a good chance that she'll be arrested or killed.

So it makes complete sense for Mizu to distance herself as much as possible from any behavior that she feels like would make someone question her sex.

I felt so indignant toward Mizu on my first couple watchthroughs for this moment. Why couldn't Mizu bribe the woman and her child's way into the city too? If Mizu is presenting as a man, couldn't she claim to be the woman's escort?

However, this moment makes things pretty clear. Mizu knows all too well the plight of women in her society. She knows it so well that she cannot risk ever finding herself back in their position again. She helps in what little way she can - without drawing attention to herself.

Mizu is not a hero and she is not one to make of herself a martyr - she will not set herself on fire to keep others warm. There's room to argue that Mizu shouldn't prioritize her quest over people's lives, but given the collateral damage Mizu can live with in almost every episode of season 1, Mizu is simply not operating under that kind of morality at this point. ("You don't know what I've done to reach you," Mizu tells Fowler.)

And while I still feel like Mizu has an obvious and established blind spot when it comes to Akemi because of their differences in station, such that Mizu's judgment of Akemi and actions in episode 5 are the result of prejudice rather than the result of Mizu's caution, I also want to establish that Mizu is just as caged as Akemi is, despite her technically having more freedom while living as a man.

Mizu can hide her mixed race identity some of the time, and she can hide her sex almost all of the time, but being able to operate outside of her society's strict rules for women does not mean she cannot see their plight.

It does not mean she doesn't hurt for them.

Back to Mizu and collateral damage, remember that sparrow?

While Mizu is breaking into Boss Hamata's manse, she gets startled by a bird and kills it on reflex. She then cradles it in her hands - much more tenderly than we've seen Mizu treat almost anything up to this point in the season:

She then puts it in its nest, with its unhatched eggs. Almost like she's trying to make the death look natural. Or like an accident.

You see where I'm going with this.

When Mizu kills Kinuyo, Mizu lingers in the moment, holding the body tenderly:

And btw a lot of stuff about this show hit me hard, but this remains the biggest gut punch of them all for me, Mizu holding that poor girl's body close, GOD

When Mizu arranges the "scene of the crime," Kinuyo's body is delicate, birdlike. And Mizu is so shaken afterward that she gets sloppy. She's horrified at this kill to the point that she can't bring herself to take another innocent life - the boy who rats her out.

MIZU'S ONE MOMENT OF SOFTNESS AND MERCY, COMING ON THE HEELS OF HER NEEDING TO KILL A GIRL TO SPARE HER THE WORST FATE THAT THIS RIGID SOCIETY HAS TO OFFER WOMEN, AND TO SPARE A BROTHEL FULL OF INNOCENT WOMEN WHO ARE THE CASTOFFS OF SOCIETY, NEARLY RESULTS IN ALL OF THEIR DEATHS

No wonder Mizu is as stoic and cold as she is.

And no wonder Mizu has no patience for Akemi whatsoever right before the terrible reveal and the fight breaks out:

Speaking of Akemi - guess who else is compared to a bird!

The plumage is more colorful, a bit flashier. But a bird is a bird.

And, uh

Yeah.

I like to think that Mizu killing the sparrow is not only foreshadowing for what she must do to Kinuyo, but is also a representation of the choice she makes on Akemi's behalf. She decides to cage the bird because she believes the bird is "better off." Better off caged than... dead.

But because Mizu doesn't know Akemi or her situation, she of course doesn't realize that the bird is fated to die if it is caged and sent back home.

Mizu is clearly not happy, or pleased, or satisfied by allowing Akemi to be dragged back to her father:

But softness and mercy haven't gotten Mizu anywhere good, recently.

There is so much tragedy layered into Mizu's character, and it includes the things she has to witness and the choices she makes - or believes she has to make - involving women, when she herself can skirt around a lot of what her society throws at women. Although, I do believe that it comes at the cost of a part of Mizu's soul.

After all, I'm gonna be haunted for the rest of this show by Mizu's very first prayer in episode 1:

"LET" her die. Because as Ringo points out, she doesn't "know how" to die.

Kind of like another bird in this show:

[deep-space-lines]

IT'S FINALLY FUCKING DONE. I'M FINALLY FREE

UNTIL FRAUD COMES OUT

Tumblr shrinks it down pretty bad so please. please. I am begging you. look at the full sized image and zoom in. This art piece made my friends worried for my mental health I need someone to witness the amount of detail and effort I put into this

also the original sketch under the cut bc I think comparing them is really funny

[egophiliac]

was this anyone else's first thought, or

[hinamie]

post-graduation trip airport looks

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[yuzuuu4]

(post 2.1 quest) unexpected

[captainjonnitkessler]

I truly, TRULY do not know how to say this, because the fact that I have to say it makes me feel like I am losing my grip on reality. But no, in the post-capitalistic anarchist utopia, I will not be relying on “autistic minecraft girlies” to be building inspectors because - and this may shock you - one of those occupations takes years of education in how to read and interpret hundreds of thousands of lines of regulations based on complicated math and physics that were the result of decades of tragedy and death, and the other one involves playing a children’s video game.

[captain-krow-drozdov]

Danny Is An Alternate Version Of Ra's Al Ghul And Flash Already Called Dibs On Adopting Him

Danny In All His Sleep Deprived Slightly Scuffed Up From A Fight Glory Is On His Way To Clockworks Tower To Hopefully Get A Nap And Maybe Some Homework Done When A Natural Portal Opens Up In Front Of Him And Proceeds To Unceremoniously Drop Him In The DC Verse Just Outside Of Central City Before Promptly Closing Leaving A Tired Danny Behind In A Run Down Abandoned Parking Lot.

It's Times Like This When Danny Regrets Putting Off Learning How To Make His Own Portals, Cause Now He Is Very Much Stuck For The Foreseeable Future And He Has No Idea Where Or When He Is. Luckily For Him However Central City Isn't Too Far Away, Unlucky For Him However Is That Once In The City He Realizes This Isn't His Dimension. He's Pretty Sure He'd Remember Something Called The Justice League.

So What Do You Do When Supernatural Bullshit Fails You? You Fall Back On Your Mad Scientist Roots And You Make A Portal Gun. So That's Exactly What Danny Plans To Do.

Unfortunately Staying Alive And Building Questionably Safe Portal Technology Requires Money And Supplies, So He Ends Up Wandering From City To City Doing Odd Jobs/Fixing Up Busted Tech For Cash Or Unwanted Electronics For His "Operation: Get Home" Needs. This Obviously Ends In A Few Superhero Encounter Shenanigans.

Though He Always Ends Up Back Near Central City, Both On The Off Chance The Natural Portal Will Open Up Again And Because Out Of All The Superheroes That Apparently Exist In This Universe The Speedsters Are His Favorite (Red Robin Is Solidly His Second Favorite Ever Since The Gotham Vigilante Gave Him A Large Coffee Filled With Enough Caffeine To Kill A Man).

Unbeknownst To Danny However Is That Every Hero/Vigilante He Has Encountered Has Come To At Least One Of The Following Conclusions; 1. Run Away Meta Who Is In Desperate Need Of A Good Meal/Adoption Bait. 2. Possibly Red Robin/Tim Drake Clone 3. A Good Kid But Could Possibly Be A Future Rouge If Left Unsupervised. 4. Did Bats Get A New Kid And Why Is He Here?

All Flash Knows Is That He Saw The Kid First And Therefore Has Dibs. Suck It Bruce.

Fast-forward A Few Months And Danny Gets Hurt During A Rogue Attack While Trying To Help Some Civilians Get To Safety (Old Hero Habits Die Hard (Ha Die Hard) And All That Jazz) And He Nopes Out Once Everyone Is Safe And When The Paramedics Are Busy With Other People Unaware He Left A Blood Sample Behind.

One DNA Test Brought To You By Paranoid Bat Concerns Of A Possible Red Robin Clone Later And They Find Out That Dannys DNA Matches One Ra's Al Ghul.

They Now Think Danny Is An Escaped Ra's Al Ghul Clone.

Memes For The Vibes:

[camembri]

you wanted zoro to be on whole cake island to fulfil your weird desire to see zoro punish sanji. I wanted zoro on whole cake island because I think he's stupid enough to right place wrong time the plan and accidentally marry Sanji in full view of the whole wedding party in what becomes the most elaborately constructed comedy of errors ever written. we are NOT the same.

[umblrspectrum]

part 4 of a lot funnier in my head than on paper

[nyancrimew]

CALL ME IT/SHE THE WAY MY SKIN IS ACTING UP