#i just love them a lot and i feel lucky
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do u sometimes just cry. (im being dramatic im okay)
#listen. im on my period.#and idk i saw seventeen for too long and i just. broke down into tears#its not even sad tears its like.#tears of happiness and love and gratefulness#i just love them a lot and i feel lucky#so so so so lucky#and.#i wouldn't have felt deservinga few years ago but now#im like hell yeah i deserve to be happy and have a big source of happiness#even if its only a group of boys#its still happiness yk#sammy's podcast
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Anyway shout out to Dewey who constantly looked like he was having the worst time of his fucking life in the pitches
Just an 11 year old pissed off at the world it seems😭
#insane he ended up being so happy go lucky in canon#like in the art book they talk about the character shift dewey had once ben auditioned#and he made them realize they could take a more comedic approach with him#but initially dewey’s character seemed very negative and irritable#they had the label ‘the bad boy’ of the 3 on him for a bit too#bc of the massive chip on his shoulder and how unsatisfied he was at the time#and tbh you can see bits of that in the pilot#dewey’s character and overall demeanor is very different in the first two eps of s1#i LOVE my boy as the bright impulsive ball of sunshine and danger that he is#but this original pitch of him intrigues me a lot#like i can talk about pitch!dewey for hours bc#kinda feels like wasted potential idk LMAO#bc he didn’t entirely disappear at least in s1 so#just a lot of dewey thoughts#bc that’s my boy🫶#ducktales#ducktales 2017#dewey duck
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It's deeply important to me that Loop kind of sucks
#they are literally awesome but they do kinda suck. just a tad#mostly as in i keep thinking about lucabyte's comics. they are critical to me#i love isat's postcanon as a space to explore recovery and communication#but sometimes you kind of have to drag urself through glass to get there. sometimes the glass sticks in ur skin and makes u prickly#i think constantly about like. loop being surprised by siffrin's kindness if u choose to be nice to them in certain dialogue options.#remarking about how time has made them jaded more than he is#loop is fundamentally kind. but they are scantly ever 'nice'#i think if loop joins the party it's inevitable that they are going to make each other bristle up#loop has a difficult time with all of the party members. between the guilt and the loss and them just not being capital s Siffrin#and to the party who only knows loop from one interaction and siffrin's apparent care for them i think loop would come off. abrasive at bes#like. like i dont think loop would act the same with the party that they do siffrin. their mask is very Piss Siffrin Off specialized#but how much of ur persona is an act and how much of it is yourself. or whatever. loop wouldn't want to be mean to their friends sure#but it's much easier not to hurt if you wedge some distance. no better way to get that distance by being offputting. i think isabeau esp#would get the brunt of this. poor man#plus there's just hte general fact that like. nobody likes the feeling of talking to somebody who clearly knows too much about them. who#will never show their own cards. added with the fact that there's just an inherent strangeness w loop. where they have a relationship to#siffrin thru the loops that none of the party members will ever grasp (and in a way they cant even guess frankly!)#i just have a hard time seeing loop's assimilation into the party as going smooth and nice. you know. i think the party members would think#that loop kinda sucks a little. i think loop would let them think this. all of this being said this is not irreconcilable or permanent#but i like there to be growing pains for the party's expansion. i won't even get into nille bc this aint abt her but yah#the lucky thing loop is you made friends with a lot of really nice people who would being willing to get to know you again.#isat spoilers
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#considering what's happening in Spain right now everything else seems so unimportant#yesterday it was my mum's birthday and I was with all my family celebrating it#today I've been taking care of my nephew who brings me so much joy#and I keep thinking how lucky I am to have them by my side when a lot of people have lost their loved ones because of the flood#people I know have lost their houses and part of my own family lives so close to the destroyed towns#these days I just feel grateful for what I have more than ever#and I think how sometimes we get angry for stupid things that don¡t deserve our time or effort#just thinking about life might delete it later idk
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i love ryomina
no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.
it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.
ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.
minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.
the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.
minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.
it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.
november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.
it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.
how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.
ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.
he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.
SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.
and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!
so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.
messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!
even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.
march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.
and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.
p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.
ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!! god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!
i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙
#lizzy speaks#persona 3#ryomina#ryoji mochizuki#minato arisato#meta#long post#(literally)#HI SO UM YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FUCKING SLEEP so to cope i was like 'i will talk out loud about anything and everything'#and somehow that turned into me talking about ryomina out loud and something about verbalizing my thoughts made me feel crazy about these-#two again. i mean for the record i continue to love them always very dearly but like my p3 braincells sometimes go into hibernation bc-#ive been on a really huge splatoon kick. but anyway my voice was like cracking at 3am because i was tearing up#i was like 'THE!! IM! SO NORMAL ABT WHAT ORPHEUS AND THANATOS AND MESSIAH SYMBOLIZE' etc etc etc#so i kinda just went to sleep like 'ok well you GOTTA type it out. everyone needs to know about this.'#and um i didnt mean to make 1069 words! sorry! not really! but i love them!!! even if im very quiet these days!#ohhh how lucky i am to have had the chance to experience ryomina they are such a gem. they make me so goddamn emotional#they really mean a lot to me because of well. (gestures at the entire post) but also they came at a really good point of my life and FUCK!!#im so so grateful to them!!! i love them!!!! the themes that their relationship and characters convey just !! IM SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!!!#they've affected me so profoundly and deeply and i wish i could make better art to get this across. but its ok. one day i can. one day#they make me so fucking talkative like actually but um. i had a lot of fun writing this! i dont think ive had like. a proper appreciation-#post for them that articulates why i like them so much (unless you count the essays i write in my art tags) so it was nice to make this.#admittedly theres a lot abt p3 that im rusty on since its been a goodwhile since ive interacted with the source material#and in a way you could say that like. i need to renew my p3 license LMAOOO but god some parts of p3 still have such a huge death grip on me#and what i mean by that is that the big Fucking Events have such!! clarity!! in my mind!! i recall them and i wilt on the spot!!#oh god i cant fucking shut up. the tags are probably 500 words long. enjoy my ramble. i wish every ryomina enjoyer a Good Life <3#actually no. i hope that EVERYONE on the dash today has something that sparks joy for them the way ryomina does for me.#everyone deserves 2 have something that makes their brain do a little excited dance that makes them blow up and explode. its good for u!#BYE FOR REAL this is why i have to post my thoughts very spread out otherwise yall would have so many WORDS on ur dash pls help i have so#many emotions and i am so tiny i cannot possibly fit all the feelings i have about ryomina and other things inside my tiny little body
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flying perilously close to spoilerposting here but one thing that's SO fun about garashir is how they have such complementary daddy issues and yet neither of them really fully grasp what the other one's problem is
#emily if you see this post DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT#julian 'if your dad sucks why not just go no-contact and refuse to talk about it ever' bashir#elim 'well MY father could visit any number of horrors upon me For The Greater Good and i'd be fine as long as he acknowledged me' garak#guy who would do anything to be useful to his father in any capacity#vs guy who would do anything to be useful in general but only if it's got nothing to do with his father.#like if they ever sat down and discussed their respective damage i think they would both misunderstand each other SO badly.#and of course i love to think about this in the context of them getting married#where garak is like. well obviously we'll be inviting your entire extended family for our big cardassian wedding.#since you're lucky enough to still HAVE a family#and julian is like no the hell we won't be. are you insane.#obviously by this point garak knows why julian isn't on speaking terms with his folks but he doesn't quite grasp it emotionally#and can't help but perceive it as some sort of slight since family is such a big deal to cardassians#and after he let julian stay when [REDACTED FOR SPOILERS] he can't understand why julian won't at least introduce him to his parents#meanwhile julian thinks he's doing garak a favour by keeping them separate :/#and can't understand why garak is SO determined to dismiss julian's discomfort and force his way into this part of julian's life#cue a lot of petty sniping to mask very real hurt feelings before they actually talk it out.
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honestly i will always be obsessed with dropout. how can i not when they keep on putting out content like this.
for real!!! incredible what can happen when you have a bunch of funny and talented people working together under conditions that arent harmful to them!!
#the whole watcher situation really put into perspective for me how easily dropout couldve not been this way#if everyone involved (esp sam) didnt care as much as they did. they love their craft and they make good shit but they ALWAYS remember us#and that means a lot to me#and then they knock it out of he park consistently and im like??? idk this is corny but i feel lucky to watch them grow??#charlie you have gotten more of my thoughts than anyone should deal w tonight im so sorry#im just full of love
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Having some emotions about internet friendship again. As you do.
When I was still in high school, over a decade ago, I got a message from another tumblr user who was excited to see that I headcanoned Luke Skywalker as aro/ace but still enjoyed his relationship with Mara Jade in the Legends books (back then just. the books). We quickly became mutuals and have been in touch ever since -- including through some really rough patches in my life. (I still remember she was one of the people who I messaged with shortly after getting out of the hospital in 2017 when my mental health was seriously dangerous, which meant a lot). The first time we saw each other in person, at Star Wars Celebration in 2019, she picked me up off the floor and spun me around a good five times, we were so excited to hang out.
I'm in Arizona right now, finally seeing her in-person for the second time, and mostly tagging along to a lot of doctors' appointments because she's also the friend of mine who was in the really serious car accident in October. And honestly I'm just so glad to be here with her. Caring so much about people who live so far away is hard at the best of times, and even harder at the worst. But it's so worth it. I have made such good friends online, bonding over such niche, geeky things, and there's just no way to put into words how much that has meant to me over the years.
Life is rough. I wish I could protect everyone I love from having bad things happen to them, but since I can't, I guess I'm just glad I have so many people to love anyways. And especially grateful for the weird little corners where I have met so many of them.
#high chance you will see this k so forgive me being sappy#i just have a lot of feelings about. friendship#everything happens so much!! including to people i love!!#but i'm so lucky i get to love them. you know?
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just got a blazed sonadow post on my dash that was actually such a jumpscare
#briefly scanned through some of the persons blog out of curiosity. wont namedrop them because i dont want any hate going to them#some of their posts were fine they were correcting like actual misinformation that gets spread around which is fair#but they also had a bunch of long ass essays about how so/nadow is actually canon/will be canon#or how certain sega employees are corrupt and pushing an anti so/nadow agenda even though theyre supposed to be in love ????#(also their evidence for the so called corruption was just random joke posts that had nothing to do with so/nadow..?)#man this stuff is crazyyy. i have nothing against the ship itself. i dont think its baseless and i do like it when its portrayed correctly#but if you actually think like that i think you are too obsessed with the ship and letting it warp your perceptions of things#some people (especially a lot of so/nadow fans for some reason)#desperately need a reminder that just because they like a ship doesnt mean its gonna become canon#or that just because they choose to view an interaction romantically#doesnt mean that the writers are purposefully giving secret hints that those characters are actually in love#also Idk why anybody would even feel the need to blaze this stuff#its most likely gonna get shown to people who dont care. its just a lucky coincidence that im a sonic fan who got shown it#whatever happened to just shipping stuff for fun without the expectation that its gonna be canon#or feeling the need to fight for your life that its secretly canon#what are we doing here#honestly if you like any sonic ship in an '' i want it to be canon''/''think that it is canon'' sort of way youre doing it wrong LMAO
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Meeting All of Def Leppard in Sheffield!!!!
Yes, really! and no this wasn't part of a meet and greet or anything, I just happened to be incredibly blessed that weekend🥰 so sit back, relax, get your snacks, and lemme give you a comprehensive timeline of how I met the guys!
So you guys all know my interaction with Sav at the album signing, if not read about it here, but that was my only interaction with Sav.
other than that, my friends happened to be staying at the same hotel that the Leppards and their crew were!
the only one of the Leppard crew who wasn't staying there was Sav, because he was staying at his house (he lives in Sheffield so ig it makes sense) but yeah that was why we didn't see him at all after the signing.
also the man is illusive af so even if he was staying at the hotel we prob wouldn't have seen much of him😅
Right, now time for the others!
The next Leppard I met (and I still genuinely cannot believe this) was Joe!
We got back to the hotel after the concert and he was just… there? In the lobby/restaurant area? WHAT?
I will admit that I did feel a little bad going up to him as he seemed like he just wanted to hang out with his friends who were all there, but at this point I didn’t know that they were staying at the hotel so I didn’t know if I’d ever get this opportunity again.
He was sO NICE and sO TIPSY LMAO
We didn’t say much to each other apart from the usual “the show was amazing!” And “Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it” kinda routine bUT STILL I WAS TALKING TO JOSEPH ELLIOTT HIMSELF ANYTHING WAS MORE THAN AMAZING
he is also vERY tall in person
Like I knew he was like 6′3 or something like that but my short ass just did not expect him to be that tall for some reason
But yeah that was that
Another fun thing was that we stayed in the lobby for a little while and we could just hEAR him laughing and talking
Something I learned about Joe Elliott on this trip is that tHE MAN IS LOUD WHEN TIPSY
Just as we were about to retire for the night, in walks The Thundergod himself, Mr Rick Allen!
Of course we got a picture with him and he was very intent on taking it himself in selfie mode LMAO
(my friends were in this too but I decided to crop them out bc I wasn't sure if they wanted to be on Tumblr or not)
HE IS SO LOVELY AAAAAAA
Cut to the next day, I meet my friends in Starbucks, and we weren’t in there more than 10 mins, and Rick walks in!
My friend apparently had always wanted to buy him coffee, so the went up and paid for his order aWWW
he then proceeded to come and sit at our table and we just... talked?
as if we were old friends?
WHAT?
HE IS SO NICE AND SO CHARMING AND SO FUNNY I JUST AWWW
we ended up running into him a lot that day and the next, and he genuinely seemed happy to see us!
at one point he said “greetings earthlings” to us and did the Star Trek salute
long story short for about 48 hours we became best friends with Rick Allen and I miss him every day
Next up: Phil
our first interaction was very generic (well as generic as you can get when you're literally meeting one of your favourite people on the entire planet)
we ran into him in the lobby of the hotel and we talked about the concert for a bit
he said he was super excited for the rest of the tour AWW
we saw him a couple of other times that day but other than a “hello” and a smile we didn't bother him at all
we would have done the same whenever we saw Rick but I cannot stress enough that HE was the one coming up to US when ever he saw us
later that day we also saw Joe again but we didn't go up to him as he was with Jess and Mike and seemed busy ( he was honestly probably going out to film something👀)
Ok this next part might be a lil sad
But we also went to visit Steve🥺
I didn’t expect to cry, but as soon as the three of us laid eyes on his gravestone we just all broke down into tears.
There was a lot of lil bits of memorabilia there that looked like they had been there for a long time, mostly guitar picks and lil notes.
But the part that got us? There was a picture of him and Phil there which you can just about see in the first photo
Not me crying again rn
But we have him some flowers (which we all wrote a note on) and I also gave him a guitar pick.
I’d actually found this guitar pick on the floor in Brighton a few weeks ago, and it was from a music touring company. I’d completely forgotten I’d left it in my bag, but I think it was absolutely a sign when I found it on the floor.
Everything felt so heartbreakingly perfect
We got to share this little moment with him💜
Ok sad stuff over
Cut to the next day, we’re back at Starbucks again getting breakfast. surely nothing else out of the ordinary could happen, right?
well that was proven wrong when VIVIAN CAMPBELL WALKED IN HKSFBKFJS
seriously we weren’t even planning to stay in there wE WERE IN THERE FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES TO GET BREAKFAST AND THEN GO
anyways I got to give him one of my art prints
I actually forgot to say I gave one to Rick as well as Sav
well I gave one to Scott (sav’s son who I saw at the OAC pop up) and he said he would give it to Sav AWW
the only one I didn't give a print to was Joe and im sO MAD bc I made a bunch of Joe prints to give out to the fans at the concert and over the weekend bUT I FORGOT TO SAVE ONE FOR THE MAN HIMSELF AAAAAH IM SORRY JOE
I can just imagine all the guys showing each other their prints and Joe being like 🥺why didn't I get one?
I WILL GET A PRINT TO JOE IF IT KILLS ME DW THIS IS NOW MY MISSION
ANYWAYS Viv was super cool but super shy aww so it didn't seem right to ask him for a picture
[EDIT] idk how I forgot this part but Viv actually recognised me from the signing???!!!! He said “aw I recognise you, you were the one with Sav’s jacket😃” I kept my cool somehow but I was fREAKING OUT
esp in the cafe where I don’t think he wanted attention drawn to him😅
also side note I can confirm that Viv is absolutely ripped irl like bRUUUH👁👄👁
everyone talks about how buff phil is but nO ONE TALKS ABOUT VIV
soz but that just needed to be said.
we decided to stay in the lobby and ofc we saw the leppards a bunch again
literally it was so surreal
just as they were getting ready to check out Joe came out of the elevator and said “good morning ladies” to us
we all just collectively internally screamed
we said some other things to him and vice versa but my brain was going 100 miles an hour (BC THAT’S JOE ELLIOTT RIGHT THERE TALKING TO US?) so I honestly dont remember what exactly we were saying😅
another fun thing was that my friend had gifted him a shirt at the signing aND THE MAN WAS WEARING IT AS HE WAS CHECKING OUT
IT WAS SO SWEET AND WE ALL JUST CRIED
and then as he walked out he said “ladies I bid you adieu”
*more internal feral screaming*
Viv also went to check out and Caitlin (his wife) was with him and I stg she gave me a death glare LMAO
I honestly don’t think she meant to lol but it was still funny
like don’t worry I'm not gonna steal your man calm down
I managed to stop Phil just in time to give him one of my art prints!
one of my friends also had a programme from the Pyro days that had a double page pic of the guys and everyone had their signature (yes this even had Steve’s signature) apart from Phil
and she finally got to complete it by asking him to sign it!
the best part about this was that he seemed so genuinely happy to see Steve’s signature
he then gAVE ME AND HER HUGS WTF FHDHDHSH
we both then cried 😃
like literally we were both so overwhelmed (in a good way) that we just had to let it all out
and just like that, they were on their way to the airport
when I left for Sheffield four days prior I had no idea that when I left, I could say I'd had conversations with all five of my favourite people in the world.
hopefully this was the first time of many I’ll see them!
#I tried my best to recount this in chronological order lmao#but I'm also aware that a lot of this is all over the place#esp bc I saw Rick a BUNCH so it was kinda hard to document every interaction lmao#also Jess and Mike definitely recognised us LMAO#I think the person we saw the most was actually Ryan tho#he was genuinely everywhere#I hope I'm in a slog btw#but yeah I genuinely cannot believe how incredibly lucky I was to meet everyone#and the fact that we got to talk to them properly#everything fell so miraculously into place that weekend#lots of 'right place right time' ofc#but also I just feel incredibly blessed#and I truly wish that every leppard fan reading this gets to meet the guys at some point#bc they are all genuinely such lovely and down to earth people#the weekend honestly still feel like a dream#an amazing dream come true#Def Leppard#Joe Elliott#Rick Savage#Rick Allen#Phil Collen#Vivian Campbell#Steve Clark#Sheffield#the stadium tour#Also how this became so much longer than my stadium tour post I have no idea#ig it spans several days but still
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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Silent wake as the day is burning
Slip back into my silhouette
I don’t know when the trains are running
Get me back home to hide away
#tunes#erra#progressive metalcore#god it’s so fucking good#it’s all the best parts of drift and neon and I’m so fucking here for it#I love that they’re coming back to this sound#drift and neon are my absolute favorite albums so I definitely fuckin dig this#so fuckin stoked for this record#and like cure is all the best parts of ST#and pale iris is like revisiting eye of god#and that’s so fucking cool to see the culmination of all thier growth thus far#and I am SO FUCKING PROUD of Jesse like#his lyricism and his vocals have improved so much over the years#and the music itself has just matured so fucking beautifully#and they’re such a cohesive unit now like their sound is just so tight and put together#I’ve seen a lot of dissatisfaction among fans over these three singles but like#honestly fuck off this is their best stuff to date and I’m not fucking kidding#they have grown and matured and it has been SUCH a privilege to watch that metamorphosis in real time#god I just love them so much#I’ve been here since moments of clarity and I feel so fucking lucky to have been able to see them rise and find their place#Spotify#also the mix is so good????#that’s been a real challenge for them in previous releases#so it’s really really nice that they’ve finally got a team that can help them shine#and I DIG how bass heavy this track is#giving Conor a chance to show his stuff
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Hm.
#vent#tw vent#vent in the tags#screaming in the void#okay so.#I know I don't post regularly#and maybe it's because I switch fandoms a lot but#I just wish my art would be reblogged more#and I know that it's silly and I'm probably being annoying by saying this#but it just feels really discouraging for me to post something and get a maximum of 7 notes - if I'm lucky - most if not all of which#are likes. and don't get me wrong!! I really appreciate the likes! it's good and I'm glad you like my art!!#but this site lives off of reblogs - sharing things that you like onto your own blog so that others who could potentially also like this#can find it and share it perhaps onto their blogs#if there are only likes then nobody else gets to see it and it eventually fades into the background and get lost.#I tried reblogging my own art from a while ago cuz I thought maybe that would help but. it didn't change anything. it's still all likes#if any engagement happens at all. it's frustrating because it makes me feel like what I post isn't worth being shared.#like it's not good enough. which I know! realistically is not the case but! that doesn't stop me from feeling like it#I don't know what I'm trying to say with this. I'm not trying to force anyone or guilt trip them into reblogging#of course not. no one is obligated to do anything I just. wish more people reblogged my art because yea. I *draw* for myself#but I do *post* it with the intention of it being seen and appreciated by others#that it might bring them as much joy seeing it as it did me creating it#I'm just tired#if you've read this far thank you. I really appreciate you. I love you and I hope you have a really good day <3
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ok i am currently drawing a thing and i looked up the physiotherapy ward bg to reference from (ty blupen for making all your thumbnails have the bg in them)
and ik everyone knows that the physiotherapy ward and stadium bgs are supposed to mimic each other cuz its really obvious and thats like the whole point of them BUT
THE LAMPS. LIGHTS. ARE THE FUCKING EYES. DID OTHER PPL REALIZE THIS???????????????? CUZ I JUST DID AND MY MIND IS FUCKING BLOWN RN HOLY SHIT EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS ACT IS SO GOOD
#AOSDGHJKDMW<SAIODKL<>S#sorry i get way too excited over things like this#this is like the most pointless observation but IDC#BONUS POINTS BECAUSE EDEGA WATCHES HIM FROM THERE. LIKE THE CROWD DID. AASGGDHM#i NEED to analyze luckys character based off of this SO BAD#THE EYES the eyes they say SOOOOOOO much about him. SO MUCH#EDEGA WATCHES HIM LIKE A LAB RAT IN THE PHYSIO WARD AND THE CROWD WATCHES HIM ONLY TO JUDGE HIM AND CRITICIZE HIM AFTER THEIR CHEERS#and even though lucky might be a big shot in the baseball scene he still feels small and worthless off of the field cuz of the#publics judgement of him and he carries that dread w him when hes sent to middlesea and even more so when ada#breaks the bad news to him in 5-1#and so basically THE LIGHTS IN THE ROOM REPRESENT HIS EXISTENTIAL DREAD ok thank you for listening to my ted talk rambling aujfhfhfjfnf#????????????#idk those r some lucky thoughts i had based on this personal revolutionary finding#the eyessssss#they show up for like 10 seconds in one level and i immediately love them#i love. this guy#in retrospect idk what i was trying to achieve w this rant but just know that this game means a lot to me
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You can’t ask me to chose between the two! Maybe in this world they’re twins? Or one of them is one of the many OZZ’s sisters. Please let’s recycle instead of throw out. (Mostly joking btw, you do you!)
They are two parts of the same whole…a universal contradiction…in one universe the comic continues with green, and in another the comic continues with red.
But yeah, I think my will is being tested a bit; the green and red campaigning has been persuasive B,*)
#ask#ouyang zizhen#red vs green saga#for posterity’s sake I’m gonna tag it#I mean it when I say I love them both! The community reactions have been wonderful to watch though#Whatever happens i just hope to make it funny#one will be oyzz and the other shall be The Nameless Diciple.#it would be cute if they were twins. Or besties.#it also makes whats about to come for them a lot worse B*(#I JEST#also no worries on sending me asks like this; I’m always happy to listen to feedback and change course if needed#but I also know people want me to do what I want to in the end#I really can’t emphasize how lucky I feel to have been adopted by you all#im so sorry im 2+ months behind on 90% of asks. My megareply is coming soon
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listen.... i love matthew and sasha as much as the next person, but sometimes i really do miss them
#the way this is just the tip of the iceberg too#don't even get me started on the fucking instagram posts they used to make about eachother#i know a lot of newer panther fans only became fans post-matthew-trade so they don't fully get the lore#but like !! they were in love i tell you!!! in love!!!#in my head if i was talented enough id love to write a fic where matthew and sasha are both trying to either navigate ..#...long distance relationships or dealing with the fall out/break ups caused by the trade#and maybe they resent each other a little bit but then they actually end up growing close together and help heal eachother and grow togethe#but it would be like a long haul slow burn teammates to friends to lovers sorta angsty type beat#but anyways#sorry but posting the 1619 fic has been making me think of them lmfao#jonathan huberdeau#sasha barkov#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#long post#never not thinking about 'im so lucky i get to be around him#'he makes me feel right'#HE MAKES ME FEEL RIGHT??#WHAT THE FUCK
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