#i just know when its enough but thats a gut feeling thats not my brain

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

whelp. apparently i just hit the end of the chapter and thats why!!!!!!! honestly this internal clock for chapter length is amazing. its always coming out to be roughly the same size

[pinazee]

Bounty Hunters!

I just find it so adorable when a kid has bright ass food stains on them. Its like the essence of childhood or something more poetic haha also, this might sound insane, but this is the first ep i could feel that shawn and gus had been friends since childhood. Possibly because they’re nearly wearing the exact same shirts and at the same steps so the parallel is a lot more obvious. Like it just clicked in my brain or something.

I just really liked this shot. That is all.

Shout out to James and Dulés’ stunt double

This is one of those times i don’t envy actors. This looks so uncomfortable. Also, i can’t decide if it’s naivety or arrogance that Shawn would think he could go into this bar and be okay?? I guess you can assume that Shawn knew Tancana would stop them before they caused any serious damage but that one guy was about to hit him with a chain, and its one thing to go into this on your own, its another to bring your friend with you.

A+ scene work from Corbin Bernsen here lol

This is what I do to get my dog to stop eating her toys. Doesn’t work with her either.

One of the few times Shawn kind of loses it with Gus and has to recollect himself haha. Like he’s been frustrated sure, but he usually applies some sort of manipulation. But i really like this scene because usually its Gus thats frustrated with Shawns behavior.

Sidenote: about the super sniffer. I don’t think its that he can smell things others can’t, because Shawn usually points it out and can recognize it, i think the super sniffer is that Gus can break the smell down and put a name to it. Like the gardenias in the perfume, the ginger blossoms in the kangaroo paste. Shawn just knows its kangaroo paste. Idk, i had to think about it at least haha

What a goof. But also, ive started watching Gus while shawns doing his breakdowns and he’s like miming beside him haha if i see it in a later ep i’ll gif it.

Its kind of insane that Bird hands over Tancana and this supposedly alleviates Juliets guilt? Like i get the line she says we all make mistakes as a way of saying Juliet’s forgiven herself, but um, she didn’t really do anything. I wish instead they would have had Shawn notify the cops where he’d be, have lassie ignore him per usual, but let juliet take off on her own (against orders) and save them from bird that way (possibly at the parking garage). This way we can see that she can still rely on her gut and it isn’t handed to her by shawn, kind of like the If You’re So Smart ep, when he solved her case and its somehow a win for her. Its still a sweet gesture that Shawn was cool semi-risking his life (and gus’s for that matter) so she can “save” them and get her good reputation back, even if it doesn’t quite make sense haha

The near kiss was perfection! I think a full kiss would have been too soon, particularly because Juliet was pretty vulnerable just then and it wouldn’t feel right. But the fact that it made juliet nervous enough to start dismantling her gun like she’d been doing all day- fantastic way to gain insight into to her mind and give us the audience hope that the ship would exist. She seems pretty conflicted about him (i think mainly because she doesn’t date coworkers?). I mean, from her perspective, she only know him as immature, irresponsible to a degree, who relentlessly flirts, BUT at the same time is incredibly kind and fun. I would have some hesitation too. Being kind and fun will only get you so far, in my book at least. I also need someone i can rely on to do the boring grown up stuff so im not solely responsible and Shawn just doesn’t come across as someone who can do that (yet). And not to spoil it, but in the bank robbery ep, we learn Juliet likes them mature.

okay. I don’t think this is going to be a popular opinion (just to prepare you mentally) cause i believe everyone loves this scene, and don’t get me wrong i love it too, i just think it doesn’t quite fit in the ep? Like i know shawn was flirty with jules the whole time, and he’s trying to impress her, but it was always jokey and they didn’t really have a solid heart to heart moment, and it pulls away from what Juliet was going through. I think if he’d consoled her a bit, let her know that a mistake is inevitable and assuming that she wouldn’t make any was setting her up to fail, that she was still the smartest, and bravest cop on the force and she should remember that the next time that voice in her head says differently, then he could maybe go for the kiss. Maybe. I think I would’ve preferred it if he’d just consoled her and she was the one who went to kiss him but changed her mind at the last second and thats how we get close talking. Because she wants to kiss him, but at the end of the day she’s pragmatic.

(I just want to quickly add that i by no means think i can write these better. This is just fun for me to put my own little spin on it. I also know other factors go into making a show (time, budget etc) so there are things writers wanted to include that would have improved their eps but said factors forced them to make changes. I don’t want these little opinionated changes i’d make to come across as mean spirited or arrogant. They’re more like responses to a writing prompt if that makes sense.)

[basilpaste]

Please please please elaborate on your bizzyboy relationship chart. Especially about the one Im obviously baised about. Please .

cracks my knuckles. on it buoss.

for the sake of i know my audience, i will in fact start with vibs stuff. obviously the fat crush on capo is. well it sure is! he is not subtle about this and will not ever attempt to be. how does capo feel in return? haha ! something for sure ! (mutual on some level but hes... capochin.) vib and ban are both creatives and they tend to butt heads a lot for that reason i think? he thinks al is a weird little freak (affectionate. maybe. probably.) and doesnt have a lot to say about gr just in general. p is his special little girl <3 but no genuinely theyre pals :} they gossip.

capo is friends with exactly no one. he feels positively towards al, hes got......... emotions. about vib. he doesnt have much to say in general about gr (a trend you will begin to notice emerging). and obviously he... isnt a fan of p. something about that kid hits just a little too close to home for him. ban. ban and him have some History in my brain. they were friends once. when was the last time capochin had a friend?

p doesnt actively dislike anyone. not even capo. she used to really admire capochin, even saying she dislikes him now feels too strong. its just... weird. she looks up to vib i think? theyre friends but theres also like. seeing an older queer and latching onto them. know how it goes. shes on decent terms with gr and despite everything genuinely likes al? p and ban are friends. this is because of one offhanded line ban says in the cove. they care about each other.

al feels. generally pretty positive about... basically everyone. hes the type to consider most people his friend, i think!!! hes chill like that. but he does genuinely hold a lot of admiration for capochin. he has a weird one-sided beef with ban that began for reasons even hes forgotten by now.

ban also partakes in the butting heads with vib. but he takes it... a little less seriously? vib is a hater (positive) hes just like that. and like i mentioned he has... a weird relationship with capo!!! its fine! dont worry about it. he gets along with al just fine. why is al so insistent that theyre enemies. hes genuinely pals with p!! shes his friend !!! and hes also genuinely pals with gr. bans trope savvy he knows the quiet one has more to em then meets the eye. (and he just likes the guy!!!!)

grs. not got a lot of super strong feelings. as far as anyone knows. he actually has many of these. he likes p okay enough and is fine with al even though he frustrates and overwhelms him a bit sometimes (loud.... mmessy). he looks up to capochin in a way most similar to how p does, i think? used to, at least. he hates vibs guts for reasons that only make sense to him. and he has a huge shitty crush on ban thats been going on for years now. he is convinced it is slowly killing him.

[pup-pee]

i hve come back 2 timblr crying bc im just not having a good day i suppose & its my own damn fault bc i have the mentality of a child & i cant do anything right & just

i keep getting threatened 2 b kicked out & sent back home & its all bc of me me me

bc my habits r bad, my my parents made me awful fucked me up & now im

i fucked up again i thoguht i did good & i fucked up just now just right fucking now i shouldve stirred the food i shouldve but its ok bc i just got lucky

i fucking h8 myself dude y am i crying

going back from the hike i panicked in the car. bc yk, car was deiving 2 fast trying 2 enter & i just gut reacted yelled & i felt so fucking bad. i got yelled @ like a bad dog.

“dont do that. dont ever fucking do that especially in some1 elses car” ik “im srry” “srsly dont ever fucking do that bc what if it wasnt me? i had it all under control” “i didnt know that” “still u shouldnt do that”

i didnt MEAN 2 get scared im srry. i dont understand i just panicked & im so srry & i didnt do it 2 b funny or 2 scare him i just

idk

i feel so bad

& then gettinf called oit when he made a dimb ficking joke like “y r u so quiet” IM SRRY IM PANICKING then i get told that im not & i just

its been going down hill from there bc all i wanted 2 do was idk

idk

going home & just, i tell him “hey im gonna chnage real wuick bc im dirty bc i FELL OFF A DIRT SLIDE” & i JUST he told me no bc i should stretch. which yeah ok so i do that

then he says hes gonna cook food bc i cant cook food

ok do u need anything? “can u make the mac n cheese?” ok i cam do that. oh the pots dirty

well ok ill clean it. but 1st i wanna chnage bc im dirty

so i go chnage, come out, get rucking yelled @ 4 not doing the dishes

i do the dishes EVERYTIME. EVERY FUCKING DAY & NIGHT

i missed yesterday bc we were @ relatives house & we ate there & this morning i got up l8 ok i was not having a good night sleeping & just

HE HAS THE DAY OFF. THE PAST 2 DAYS HES HAD THE DAY OFF.

he calls me stupid 4 not realizing that our relatives family is not here bc i shouldve been talking 2 them yesterday. when? WHEN SHOULD I HAVE. I WAS PLAYING W/THE KIDS. KEEPING THEM COMPANY WHILE U TALKED?? should i have been in the fucking kitchen playing w/them?? what the actual fuck should i b doing bc apparentlyim doing everything wrong

EVERYTHING

i went over 2 take care of the dog & chickens & mayb i shouldve been doing the fucking dishes instead

so whatever whatever i get yelled @

i go in2 my room bc i ask if i shoild just do them & he says no i got it bc yk, im irresponsible & stupid whatever

so i clean my room up a bit trying not 2 cry & i get called oit in2 the kicthen like a kid whos been hiding grades

hes ready 2 give me a stern talking 2. he feels like my parents

cant even talk 2 him bc im staring @ my feet the entire time crying

getting told its ok 2 cry its ok thats good ITS NOT. THIS IS STUPID & I H8 MYSELF 4 EVEN TRYING

im getting told im jjst like my parents, then that my parenets fucked me up, that im mentally younger than i am that im stupid & dumb & im mot making enough improvements on my life fast enougj

in the last month & a half i moved out of my hometown 2 a city. i got a job. im tryonf 2 eat more, drink more. im trying @ least i think i am. im having help & im just not enough

im not enough 4 him how am i enough 4 any1 i fucking h8 my brain

as i did dishes i cried. as i sit here i cry. i will prolly cry some more bc im a weak ass bitch

i just got iver my stupid fucking infection & now theres more snot in my nose im so sad & tired & just so upset @ myself.

bc hes right in so many ways, & i just cant defend myself. so i put my tail btween my legs & whimper on tumblr.

my stomach hurts but im mor hungry but i have 2 eat bc if i dont im gonna get kicked out & sent back 2 live w/my parents & i dont want 2 go back

i need 2 improve more. i need 2 start exercising like him. i need 2 talk like him. i need 2 think like him. i need 2 live like him. or i dont get 2 live here anymore

hes babysitting me

he told me in the car. & hopefully in a yr hell leave me. he says

i dont want anything. mayb 2 read some comics & draw. talk 2 freinds even if im scared, bc thats fun. i want 2 see my cousins & help out in the garden. i want 2 hold the chickens & vacuum the house. & i do those things but i dont need more

i dont rlly want more, but i have 2 do more. or im getting sent a fucking way

how is that even possible

im an adult. mayb not mentallt but physically i am an adult

ik im not, mature. im stupid. ik i am. & i h8 bing stupid & dumb & misunderstanding but im trying so hard

but everything i do just looks like barely any effort or smth i shouldve alr been doing by his standards & i cant talk abck. bc when i defend myaelf. im just like mother

im just like her. hes told me

& theres sm snot in my nose i cant breathe again

i shoudlve never listened 2 my aunt & uncle who told me, im paying equal rent, he can wash a few dishes. u dont need 2 do that anymore

i need 2. bc he works a full time job, & i work minimum wage part time. & i havent even graduated yet

im stopping myself

great typing me high5 u rlly got ur complaining 2day

im going

2 read comics & pretend i was never upset intol i lay on bed 2night

i have work in the morning, unlike some1. should i just stop helping w/the 3 kids? would that make him happy? fuck if ik.

[himabyul]

Satan & Violins

I share a lot of similarities with Satan, even when before they canonized something about him; one of them being violinist!Satan😭 In spite of me having a mini identity crisis following the drop of his canon violinist card, i think it makes sense! heres why.

Disclaimer!

1. I have not picked up an instrument in years

2. This is purely bcuz my brain is so busy thinking abt Satan so its kinda rambly. . Pls bare w me T_T

3. THIS IS LONG IM SO SORRY

4. Not too used to tumblr writing just yet sorry if it's messy

(Uploaded on my twitter aswell :D)

The violin and its family, unlike other string instruments (ex. the guitar), doesnt have these little things (that i forgor the name of because im a bad musician) that separates every note. those little separating thingies are the reason why people who dont know shit about playing a key on guitar but memorize musical scales (me) is at least able to strum a simple one octave melody.

Obviously, the two come in with their one difficulty (i prefer the violin myself), but it's a little bit harder to pull that trick with the violin. As you can see, theres not exactly something to tell you where each note begins or where they end. Nothing to determine where is where. You simply have to memorize the placement and the distance between each note. You basically play the violin with Your Gut (1). We'll keep this in mind for now.

Moving on, let's talk about body posture.

Beginner violinist usually directlty face towards the strings when playing, as they aren't used to letting their 'gut' lead the show. However, more experienced players would find no need to do so. A quick glance at Satan's art could tell us he was at least above beginner level to be brave enough to face (us) instead.

When you're not facing your violin, you would usually lean your head towards it, resulting in your ear becoming the closest thing to it- here's a real life example:

Now, if there was anything my teacher warned me before starting violin, is that even without having your ear be the closest thing to it, the strings are already LOUD😭 so its even louder when you alr have ur ear on it. The violin is considered one of the most emotional instruments ever, their lower sound resemble what we use to express sadness in speech. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, you as a player are forced to feel what you're playing. Thus is also why you play the violin with Your Heart (2).

So, how does this tie into Satan? It's no secret that our handsome man is incredibly romantic, and to me if he ever wants to express something to us and making sure the message is clearly received, the equally emotional violin is his best bet! The violin allows Satan to play heartwrenching notes that would quickly be felt by the listener.

Lets get technical.

There's still another side of the violin, as there is another side to Satan. The way you stroke your bow matters, the way you angle it so you'll only hit the notes you want. (thankfully if you mess up, the violin is made to still sound graceful😂). Satan too, is quite the detail oriented person. He is tactical, analytical, observant, a man obsessed with striving to be the perfect one, etc etc. The need of preciseness of the violin is definitely right up his alley. The way you need everything to be correct to be rewarded for a beautiful sound. Idk exactly where I'm going with this but it's basically intelligence meets emotion kinda thing, do you see it too?!?!

In conclusion, the violin is a wonderful instrument that both requires great attention to detail yet is also incredibly emotional and heartfelt, an instrument that requires your gut and heart guide your play without abandoning technique. Satan, the incredibly smart yet fluffy softie, is quite literally made for this and I LOVE HIM for that RAAAAAAHHHH. im normal.

THATS IT RLLY im soooo sorry if it's incredibly messy please have a sugarry picture <3 ily

[squarebracketsmileyface]

On a totally opposite end of the spectrum from the role swap-

Imagine if after the Promise chapter things flipped. If after that argument The Operator- out of pure animalistic type curiosity- said “ooh lemme stick my fingers in this sauce here” and left Alex alone to latch onto Jay. Its already discovered how it can push and twist and manipulate one person, but what about a completely separate person? Will the results be the same? Different? Will it be easier or harder?

So it latches onto Jay, and Alex experiences a flat out withdrawal from that thing’s influence, followed by the most gut wrenching clarity. Realizing how crazy he went, how he killed his friends to “save” them when it never would have mattered. So two weeks pass, and all he can think about is Jay- talking to him again and telling him everything, being honest and actually fucking admitting that he cares about him, that he wants to make good on his promise and do things right.

But Jay doesn’t answer. Jay is the one who drops off the planet and goes MIA, and Alex has a horrible, sinking suspicion he knows why. He hopes that Jay just finally got sick of him- he HOPES thats all it is- but deep down there’s this creeping suspicion that its not a coincidence. That he passed his own torment on to Jay like some twisted fucking disease-

He finds out he’s right, later on. When he starts working together with Tim(he’s desperate to find Jay, to fix things, even if that means groveling for Tim’s help-), when they start having run ins with Jay where he won’t see reason, where he argues every point they make and tries to convince Alex that everyone has to die, to help him(and wow, did he sound that crazy too? probably, yikes-)

And in the end Alex makes one last desperate attempt. He meets Jay somewhere alone, tries to convince him to come with him, tells him that he loves him-

But Jay doesn’t believe him. He tells Alex as much(“i love you but i can’t trust you- you said it yourself, why would you ever love somebody like me?”) and Alex wants to cry when Jay throws his own awful words back at him, things he never meant to say-

But what destroys him is when Jay takes the gun that he stole from Alex months ago, puts it to his own head and pulls the trigger with a bang right in front of him.

I’m in a dark mood today LMAO we die like tunnel guy

we die like tunnel guy lmaoooo

fucking THIS tho oh my god the ANGST

i literally have nothing else to add really, my brain saw this and turned into angst mush i fucking love this so much. Jay not believing Alex when he says he loves him fucking OW. This is literally fucking perfect. like, actually.

Everyone come look at this and be fucking destroyed by it because OW. it's especially sad because i'm thinking so much about Alex being the one feeling super hurt and stuff in his uni relationship with Jay, because im writing if it ain't broken at the moment. I am in the perfect mindset for just pouring over Jaylex angst with Alex being the one left feeling worst for it.

Honestly though, Alex finally seeing things fully, truly clearly and realising how terrifying and horrible it must have been for Jay to see him the way he was with the Operator in his head, all angry and not seeing sense and arguing every little thing.

withdrawal from the Operator tho, like, actual withdrawals from it could be so interesting. Like, how would that interact with Tim since he's been dealing with the operator since he was a kid presumably. is he fucked either way? like, if he doesnt take his meds he could get withdrawals from them, and if he doesn't take them for a while then goes back on them does he then get withdrawals from the Operator? Or is it different because the Operator isn't in his head the same way it's in Alex's? is just being near it enough? Like second hand smoke?

[dark-twist-fairytales]

(Kana & Clara bonding over trying to find someone whos been missing for years.)

Heres Clayton's fate in the whole thing.

10 years ago, several of his coworkers spoke of a temple of sorts that housed treasures unimaginable, Clayton would have declined to go but the headmaster of the University, his mentor, urged him to.

Not wanting to dissapoint the headmaster Clayton prepares for the journey, saying goodbye to Clara and his 2 year old daughter Emmy, promising he'll be back soon enough.

The expedition is going smoothly, when suddenly something attacks them all, Clayton hears the screams of his coworkers, feels as the beast rakes its claws into his side and devours the others.

He runs. He runs as fast and far as his legs can carry him, his brain trying to remember any information on where in Stryga he was. Thats when he remembers the church, it should be close by.

He's losing tons of blood (this is way too familiar, Clayton thinks) but he gets to the church, collapsing inside.

His hat falls off and Clayton can barely keep his eyes open, this is how he'll die, isn't it.

He thinks of his wife, of his daughter who he wont see grow up. Right as his eyes shut he swears that the room gets seemingly... mistier? He blacks out after that.

Suprisingly, he wakes up.

His sides and face burn. Looking down he can see bandages and stitches covering him. He looks around, a quaint guest bedroom greets him, the shirt he's wearing is way too big, clearly made for a much larger man.

Clayton sits up, groaning as the stitches pull at his skin. Hes just about to try and stand when the door opens, making him freeze.

"Ah, you are awake." A tall, firmly built man stands in the doorway, holding some kind of tea. "I was worried that father Donovans healing wouldn't have been enough..."

Clayton tries to speak, voice hoarse. "Who... who are you? Where am I?"

The man sets the tray on the bedside table " Ah, how rude of me, my name is Kolyan Indirovich, burgomaster of Barovia village. My daughter, Ireena, found you by the gates to Barovia."

At that Clayton snaps to attention "Barovia?! Wait, this is Barovia, but I was just in Stryga-" Clayton suddenly starts coughing violently, Kolyan rubbing circles into his back.

"You were in the mist for quite a long time, we're lucky that we managed to save you, as for how you got here, I do not know, but you are trapped just as the rest of us."

"Trapped?" Clayton gets a horrible feeling in his gut.

"Yes, once you enter Barovia you can never leave."

"But I have a wife, a-a daughter! You're saying that im stuck here?"

Kolyan gives him a somber expression.

Oh lord, what has he gotten himself into.

Him managing to get to Barovia village to a bittersweet outcome, I love it. I'd imagine that he would give himself time to heal, then try to find a way out, even if it was theoretically impossible. Asking around because he's a professor just feels fitting for him.

[rin-and-jade]

Im so happy to see you taking a break and I hope the break is very nice!

I understand there might be a delay in responses but thats okay, please take your time your health is more important !!

Be prepared for a huge wall of text so sorry in advance-

But, i have a few things im just itching to ask gahhh

Firstly, we originally believed we had little to no amnesia (believing osdd-1b) BUT since then we realised the amnesia is so much heavier than we realised, we figured bc we could recall general events and it was calm in a sense (we saw majority of the time when people experience amnesia its distressing and the loss of all memory) but, the memories are not memorying, so now we are assuming just DID, and that brings me to the second part...

fragments and subsystems, so, idk how valid this is (mostly bc my assumptions are based off vibes/gut instinct) but im fairly sure a subsystem occurred a few months back from a split where that alter just disappeared, which is unusual from what we have documented from the past 1.5 years (most splits the alter detaches from the stressor and those stressors mould a new alter to deal with it in a sense-) so from the recent odd split i believe a subsys was created as such? i have no clue except the vibes, in which it feels like a bunch of fragments in a sense? like i believe ive been fronting for months on my own for now, but there are some parts of my days where i just blank anything that happened, so im curious if there is-

and its not the only time as such where we have had this dreaded gut feeling there were more parts that might be dormant or even very separate, or even parts we dont even notice due to the nature of disorder being a whole lot of forgetting and the disorder pretending to not be the disorder and stuff ;-;

im so sorry for the huge rambles, if you have any advice or explanations or even resources i can read through to draw my own conclusions that would be so cool, bc as of right now im so scared to say this as i feel like im actually faking it for attention and theres no way i was traumatised enough for this and yadayada

tldr: should i trust my 'gut instincts' about system related information, or is my brain being silly?

I don't see the point on invalidating instincts, they're subconscious pattern detectors, so if you feel off, you bet it IS off. Though it's healthy to back it up with evidence preferably, and if there's no evidence yet, then you prowl like a predator in attempt to search for the truth scroll... cough--with a help from me whenever you need it, i mean im not going anywhere.

Also, you can check wether you have did or osdd by jotting down logs or patterns wether: you're memorying more or memorying less, the things you forgot, how often do you find yourself black/greying out, how distinct your personalities are, and wether you can easily remember other part's memories or able to grasp another facet of yourself (if you do not, or is really hard too, im sure this is 'did' from first impression)

--

Right, and for the advices, further explanations, or even resources are all answered by my previous edu posts where its compiled in the #jeducates tag,, i'd love you to just swim in it and process all my information like a sponge.. and come back the second time with more specific questions if you still need confirmation or assurances.

Let me know how it went, i'll be waiting for ya's update!

- c

[teddy-feathers]

so. i realized on the way home today that

a) i dont want to die. or i do but like thats definitely not me talking anymore thats the brain goblins. like id be sad to leave behind my friends. so as much as i say 'i wanna die' when im upset, and as much as that emotion is present i dont actually wanna die anymore. like. id be sad if i died just as much as id be relieved.

b) i never feel like enough because the only time im doing anything "right" is when im following a step by step guide laid out for me and i hate that its like playing a video game where the possibilities are pretty full but only playing a build someone else designed and then playing the rest of the game exactly how youre told to like do i need to be here for this?

c) i didnt take my pills this weekend or monday and Tuesday while i was sick or wednesday because i hadnt been taking them the previous days and despite having taken them the last two days i am emotional as fuck.

tuesday i went to a doctor and found out ive gained.... 10lbs in a month and im pretty close to breaking the 200 mark. which is because of my meds. so i need to contact my shrink and say "exercising and eating right aint uh working out for me the way i hoped can we try new meds"

because as much as i want to be chill about it it bothers me so much. like if it was all in my gut like itd be if i were on t id probably give less shits but where its at now its bothering me. and if i break the 200 make i know its going to be so much harder to come down from.

and new meds are scary because i know these ones work because i always know when i havent been taking them. i get the sads. new ones may not work and we'll have to adjust the dosage.

and if i tell my aunt shell throw a fit because how dare my shrink lower my dosage just because i called her and told her i was having a problem with how it was affecting me. and now she wants to put me on different meds? without doing a brain scan?

like frankly my dear i dont give a damn. this woman had done more for making me not dead in the last idk how long ive been seeing her to be honest then my aunt has since before 2012.

idk. im tired. and emotional.

[nishiriks]

‼️THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THIS SMAU AND THE TWO SPINOFFS (happy death day and dont shoot me)‼️

this smau is very dark so i HIGHLY suggest reading through the warnings. the spinoffs are slightly lighter themed however can still be triggering so AGAIN just to reiterate—READ THE WARNINGS!!

Sweet Like Candy

IM SORRY BUT THE WAY FELIX WAS DESCRIBED IN SLC WAS SO DISTURBING?? i genuinley felt so scared everytime i would read a scene with him 😭😭 BUT IN A GOOD WAY IF THAT MAKES SENSE!! no but guys he was so unsettling it was crazy 💀 had me pissing myself over this. bro i fr cried over jisung and felix cs wtf. felix did NOT have to die like that man,, then the open casket thing like do you want me to shoot myself?? cs girlie the gun is LOCKED AND LOADED. — all jokes aside the plot is very interesting and is something tou can easily get sucked into. it takes you through a rollercoaster of emotions but is defo worth it!!

Happy Death Day

now i will admit i was STILL terrified of felix but even so i chose to read this which added to the whole anxiousness of the plot for me!! —the description of of him in sweet like candy,, having lifeless eyes and him cornering us and being able to slip away without being noticed very much scared me!!— this one left me so anxious bcs i thought felix was gonna die 😭 when i saw jisung saying he better make it out alive. OUUUUUUU. i was about to start bawling💀 chan lowk pissed me off sometimes but i cld occasionally see his point ig. nana and gaon have my whole heart though 🥹🥹 MY BABIES!! AFHSHSHSG soojin or wtv her name was can go fuck herself bcs quite frankly she was embarrasing. i loved channies relationship and trust with/in felix tho!! that was so cute “lee yongbok, if i knew that week was the last time i’d see you, i would’ve thrown a party”

“if hiding is the best thing for him right now, then i respect that”

OH MY POOR HEART 🥹 — this whole triology was so well written i felt like i was going insane if i put it down for more than an hour at a time so i had to read all three in one sitting

Don’t Shoot Me

ok now this one is either your fav of the triology or your least fav — no inbetween. see personally it was my fav!! im a sucker for a good fluff and this was exactly what i needed to end the binge reading of angst, violence, death and more angst that i was going through!! as much as i loved the darkness of the story i will ALWAYS be a fluff girl at heart 🫶🫶

not to say the other two werent good!! but damn did they fuck up my brain. slc has left a LASTING imprint on me. LONG LASTING. at that. dont shoot me had the least interesting plot emotionally but with a series like this—it worked perfectly. it also was interesting enough that tou could read it as a stand-alone even without all the emotional plot. it was focused on jisung healing and becoming better which was so sweet,, i also loved to see that side of things where jisung has no idea why he is the way he is,, but is also aware that he ISNT normal and that something sets him and his ability to understand emotions aside from everyone else. it was so cute to see that girls gc although i did notice nayeon was missing!! -mayb she js didnt say anything at the time who knows 🤷🏾‍♀️-

my fav moment was defo the last chap where all the boys meet. it was so refreshing to see!! (jisung and hyune being bffs was mind boggling btw) plus,, chan defending hdd y/n was something i was NOT expecting!! and seeing hyunjin defend slc y/n made me laugh bcs i cldnt stop thinking about how they used to HATE each others guts 😭 jeongin was honestly such a cutie i love him sm! OH AND I LOVED WHEN JISUNG SAID “i know for a fact all i feel for guys is love” AWW YOU PREVIOUSLY-INSANE-BUT-RECOVERING LITTLE GUY!! cmere lemme kiss you!

anyways thats all from me,, all im saying is GET TO READING TS CS ITS GOOD!!

🍭 SWEET LIKE CANDY | hwang hyunjin smau

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader | enemies to lovers / strangers to lovers

genre: angst, mature, social media au, university au, anonymous au, a tiny bit of fluff and crack in between

warnings: contains vulgarity, extreme cussing, degradation, use of death as an insult, not a sweet fic, sexual/explicit themes but no detailed smut, sabotaging and blackmailing, extreme academic competetiveness, y/n and hyunjin both talk shit about each other’s college majors, mentions of drugs, illegal drug use, excessive partying, irresponsible drinking, drunk driving, criminal(??) acts, insults are h e a v y, bodyshaming (yk what, all kinds of shaming). syndicate undertones. death.

synopsis: long time rival hwang hyunjin has been the bane of your existence for as long as you can remember. thank god your secret anon textmate always has your back— sweet, caring, and good with words. definitely not like hwang at all.

a/n: y’know it was hard trying to come up with this “anonymous app” thing idea without naming names (bc i don’t wanna do that and also idk, i’m dumb) but basically the website/app that candy and y/n (her anon name is chocolate) is like a mix of deviantart and tumblr-ish. the idea started with it being kinda like omegle but then i ended up switching it up.

[FINISHED] DIRECTORY: (pink = written chapters)

ACT I— THE PLAYGROUND

prologue ~ 001 ~ 002 ~ 003 ~ 004 ~ 005 ~ 006 ~ 007 ~ 008 ~ 009 ~ 010 ~ 011 ~ 012 ~ 013 ~ 014 ~ 015 ~ 016 ~ 017 ~ 018 ~ 019 ~ 020 ~ 021 ~ 022 ~ 023 ~ 024 ~ 025 ~ 026 ~ 027 ~ 028 ~ 029 ~ 030

ACT II— THE WARZONE

031 ~ 032 ~ 033 ~ 034 ~ 035 ~ 036 ~ 037 ~ 038 ~ 039 ~ 040 ~ 041 ~ 042 ~ 043 ~ 044 ~ 045

ACT III— THE END

046 ~ 047 ~ 048 ~ 049 ~ 050 ~ 051 ~ 052 ~ 053 ~ 054 ~ 055 ~ 056 057 ~ 058 ~ 059 ~ 060 ~ 061 ~ 062 ~ 063 ~ 064 ~ 065 ~ 066 ~ 067 ~ 068 ~ 069 ~ 070

BONUSES

01 ~ 02 ~ 03

LOST HOOKS. SPIN-OFF/SEQUEL: HAPPY DEATH DAY (the story of lee felix) SECOND SPIN-OFF: DON'T SHOOT ME (the story of han jisung)

(mm/dd/year)

started: 10-11-2021

completed: 01-09-2022

mastertag: @geniejunn @leagreenly @90s-belladonna @fuzzylard @loveliebri @chimmybaek7 @todorokiskitten @lilacdreams-00 @starrylino @trials--error @ninjaleeknow

networks: @ficscafe

any feedback is greatly appreciated :,))))

[cosmos-fudge]

There's a lot of characters that while I love them and find them incredibly interesting and would love to reach in and pull every little detail about how their mind works out of their brain and put it on a canvas to admire and map forever, I would never talk to given the chance.

Sometimes, more rarely, its cause I would fully just hate their guts, but even ones I'd dislike I'd still find interesting to talk to. Like Buddy Dawn (d20 Fantasy High)

But mostly it cause I favor a lot of characters cause I can relate to them(as most people do, I think), including the way they talk and communicate, so we'd just be sitting in silence. No exact example character here cause it shows up in a lot of them, but a *lot* of characters I like, they way they talk is very reactionary kinda?. Will not speak unless spoken too or directly asked something. Either has nothing to add or feels like whatever they could say isnt worth adding, that just wanting to talk to someone isnt enough of a reason to actually try to. Wont or will have trouble talking right up until they actually need something, or have an exact task or reason, or when its a topic they're confident they know about, and not just pleasantries. Usually having more fun hanging around their friends conversations than adding anything of their own.

So we'd just kinda. watch and wait for the other person to say something. Might *try* and say something ourselves, but there's no real telling if it'll pan out at all, so why bother?

Idk this may be just how everyone talks and I'm somehow doing it wrong but blegh

Barely at all related thing under cut

Off topic but I'm super caffeinated and my brain just keeps going

Sorta had Evan Kelmp in mind making part of this but I havent watched mismag yet so idrk but the last bit of "maybe this is normal and I'm just doing it wrong" makes me think of that clip thats like

Evan: You're doing me a favor by helping me be more normal, cause you know what people are supposed to say. Dream: Again, it's not normal, there is no normal. Evan: There is.

To me it's very much a thing I've had and have said before of like "if theres no normal, then why am I doing it wrong? if there's no set rules then how do I always manage to break them?" If that makes sense idk my brains scrambled so

[sneakyevillurker]

One of my favorite vore tropes is a Pred who recently digested someone going about their day when their stomach rumbles for a second forcing them to hack up an acid and saliva drenched pair of clothing or personal items in front of unsuspecting patrons.

YOU DONT EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I ENJOY THIS IN VORE... I know I keep on going "OMG i love this sooo much" whenever I answer these, but what can I say?? I got vore on the brain....

I like imagining the pred cornering someone before promptly devouring them, just going about their day once they've got their meal nice and settled inside their gut. It'd be pretty obvious that SOMETHING was inside their stomach at first, with the way it seemed to move on its on, the loud rumbling, the constant growls and groans of digestion, with a barely noticeable muffled cries for help as the helpless prey tries to find a way to avoid being melted down into slop. But soon enough, like everything (and everyone) they've eaten before, the struggle would cease, and the cries for help would grow quieter and quieter until all thats left is a soft, sloshy belly, full of mush ready to be absorbed. But a slight discomfort would present itself inside their stomach, one that would leave the pred feeling slightly sick throughout the day. Unsure of what was making them feel that way, they'd start kneading and prodding at their belly, stirring up whats left inside as the stomach lets out a loud upset gurgle, the pred feeling something begin making its way back up their throat. They'd try and cover their mouth, not wanting to make a scene out in public, but the sheer force of whatever was coming up would be too much for them to cover, as a loud rumbling belch would erupt from their mouth, ejecting some items along with it. A few people would look over at the loud and rather rude display, as the pred quickly snatches up the items their stomach rejected, a hole ridden, acid bleached shirt, a slightly melted pair of glasses, and a half melted wallet. The pred would let out a nervous left as those around them quickly avert their eyes, deciding it's probably best to ignore that after spotting the items the pred had grabbed. The pred would quickly walk to the nearest trashcan, embarrassed by the side eyes they felt on them as they quickly dump the remains of their latest meal, before walking off in a hurry, hoping to get the rather embarrassing moment out of mind.

A QUICK mention I really love when a preys friend asks the predator who ate them like, oh have you seen my friend? Followed by the preds stomach rumbling or them letting out a belch in response, just really pushes the fact in that whoever was eaten is just FOOD now.

[the-smiling-grinner]

hey uh dont read this 👍 TW vent

okay so basically everything has gone to shit. lets get a lil back story here

so ill be 17 soon (terrifying) and it will be almost 4 years sober of everything and i could not be more miserable. when i was 12 i abused perscription medication during the 2020 lockdown and in the process got into other things (cigs and alchol).

i dont really think that anyone understands how deep it goes. i mean think about it, a 12 yearold already suffering from halucinations, delusions and other things. on two kinds of anti psychotics, drinking, smoking and taking way to many pills. its pretty messed up.

my parents had never been the best but a brain tumour caused my mother to become abusive. i dont remember much of 2020-2021 bc i was either high, drunk, in a psychotic episode or sometimes all three. but i remember some things and the things i do remember are bad. it got so bad that i barely knew what was going on half the time.

safe to say my appearence was less than ideal. i wore a covid face mask constantly. even when you stopped having to at school. and i still wear it. simply bc i know people will make fun of me for it more than they already do if i take it off. as much as i want to stop wearing it, i know i cant.

my hair was dyed black and greasy, my achne was bad and my teeth were messed up. i was over weight, then under weight, then over weight again. i was hidious. evey photo taken of me, i looked through the camera. i had nothing left behind my eyes. i was so close to giving up entirely.

my mother had her brain tumour removed and my life was starting to take shape again. thats when she came in. she was beautiful in every way. i hated her but i loved her all the same. she caused me so much pain but it felt great.

it seemed like a good idea at the time. to date her. but i soon deacovered that she was not like she seemed. in many ways ill not describe. she ripped me appart, absolutly gutted me from the inside. i developed FND (look it up i cant be bothered explaining). my life was starting to go down hill again. i felt sick constantly. my halucinations were terrible and my mental state was even worse. i had sezures and headaches every day.

then we broke up. it was drawn out and long but to leave it all behind was freeing. i felt free for the first time in months. then she back stabbed me. i wont say what happend but this is the reason i can not trust people. my paranoia is through the roof. i constantly think about how everyone is conspiring against me and that they arent really my friends.

anyway. enough about her.

i am lonely and i fear that i will always feel this way. i have friends and a boyfriend yes but they also have friends. my halucinations icolate me. i behave agressively and erratically. nothing as bad as 2021 and 2020 but still bad.

i dont know what to do so i throw myself into school. its all i really do anymore. that and pretend i have friends. i sit at the kitchen bench and speak to no one. i have many friends there. i can act how i want and they like it. i have no one to talk to about this.

i try to talk to God but i feel bad burdening him with it like i am with everyone else. i dont feel good enough for God or any one for that matter.

im nothing like the pretty Christian girls on tiktok who look so pure and sweet. the look so kind. true women of God. i am not. i try to be but it never works out. i look scruffy, my hair is always messed up, i wear weird clothes, im rude, i cuss way too much and im just not a very nice person to be around.

i want to be tho. more than anything i want to be kind. i want to be good enough. and it doesnt even seem like im trying.

i really want cigs and alchaol. to medicate like i did all those years ago but i cant. sinning every day with small things is bad enough but those are worse.

i do my best in school and thats enough. it makes me feel like enough. im good at school. im good at it. im not good at many things but im good in school. i got dux in two subjects last year and finished top 10% of my grade. thats enough right?

every day i feel my sanity slowly slipping away. being replaced by paranoia and horrible halcinatoins. i tell myself that ill never get as bad as i was back then but deep down, i want it. bc this time, people would see it. they would know how bad it is and how my jokes are just a cry for help.

i have been put on more medication as of recently and im scaired. i dont know what it will do to me. will it kill me? will it make me put on weight? who knows. ive already had bulimia i dont need it again.

on top of this, im loosing my best friend. i can see how much they suffer. i can see how bad it is for them. they have made heaps of new friends recently and i am so happy for them but we so rarely talk now. when we do, its great. we used to see eachother every weekend, now we dont. i ask first to hang out and i feel bad, like im forcing them. i dont want to force them.

there was more i could have done for them that night. if it wasnt for those drugs. those fucking drugs. the dugs that i took to take me away from everything. to make me happy. but i wasnt happy. i was insane. i was deranged. surely anyone who looked at me could see it. that night i ripped out 4 teeth. one of them was an adult tooth. a mf adult tooth. i tore out a tooth. i was 13 by then.

i have to make my parents happy and when i dont i feel bad. i want to make my dad happy and go to his house but i hate that house. i want to make my mum happy but it always ends in an argument. i want to make my friends happy but i cant and if they can find friends to make them happy. then thats okay.

i just dont know anymore. everything is so blury. the paranoia is imence. i hate it. anyway. hope no one actually reads this.

there is SO much more but this is all for now

[duhhhhimstypidyall-blog]

Spiraling (Vent/Brain Dump)

TW: mental breakdown, spiraling, ranting, ect.

 !PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT IN A GOOD HEADSPACE!

The concept of time is really fucked when you are experiencing severe dissociation episodes. My entire life I’ve lacked a general awarness of time and don’t seem to have a reliable internal clock like some others. Everything I experience seems to be in polar extremes. Time either moves so painfully slow that it seems like a day will never end or so fast that it seems like I blink and a week has passed. It is even more complicated when it seems to have both characteristics simultaneously even though from a logical stand point it should not be possible. I’m assuming that is why it is so hard for me to comprehend. When I was a kid, all the super exciting things in life always sped by while undesireable experiences seemed to slow everything down. Now it has nothing to do with the surrounding circumstances. Each day I live makes less and less sense to me. The funny thing is every once and a while I will go a few weeks or maybe even a month without giving this whole ordeal a single thought, but it always creeps back in and its been getting alarmingly worse upon each return. Throw sleep deprivation, an eating disorder, and isolation into the mix and I am left with an ugly cocktail of a spiraling psychotic breakdown. One thing people always have to say to someone in a rough mental health patch is that you will get through this and move past it. Although I am not necesarily disagreeing with this statement, it is not giving me any sort of hope, which I am assuming is supposed to be the outcome of the statement. It does not provide hope because even though I always somehow get out of these episodes, I never remember them once thier over. That also means being in it right now, I don’t have a known way of getting out of it because I don’t remember what I did last time to get out. I am not sure that made much sense but thats besides the point. It is so strange to be in this state. I am here enough to know that I am not here which is ironic because again, that contradicts itself. I would compare it as sort of going on autopilot, I am reluctantly getting out of my desk chair and going to work but I could not tell you any of the conversations that I had or even what events from the shifts were on which particular day of the week. I am just all around delirous and checked the fuck out. I am starting to get frustrated again with feeling stuck in a loop with no progress being made and it feels pointless. I know I have so much more to say but I keep zoning out and staring at what I know are my fingers on the keyboard but they sure do not seem entirely connected to me right now. They just look slightly off, its that feeling you get when you see the pictures of those liminal spaces and factually there is nothing immediatly concerning about the photos but you get this gut feeling that there is something off behind the scenes. I must have punched my car again at some point recently because I have nasty bruises on my hand again. If I am being honest I haven’t slept in 2 days and I cannot remember the last time I ate. I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eye that are most likely not even there and hearing shit I can assume is not real either. I just wish I did not have to go through this alone. I am a complete looser and a failure, I am in my early 20′s and have NO friends, I live by myself and am only close with my sister out of the family who is unfortunately 3 hours away from me. We are in contact daily over the phone and on social media due to our shared interests but it is not the same as having someone physically in your presence to bring you back down to earth a little bit. I really need a fucking hug, I am so touch starved that if someone were to genuinely embrace me I just know I would immediately burst into tears and hyperventilate through my violent sobbing. I know I am supposed to deserve to be loved and have friends but its hard to believe that when I have nothing to prove otherwise. If I deserved friendship and love wouldn’t I have it? Some of the nastiest and cruel people in the world are allowed those luxuries so why the fuck am I the one that gets it taken away from me. I don’t have anyone to tell my jokes too. I have nobody to play video games with. I have nobody to share my newest plot ideas with. I just want to share the human experience with at least one other person like the rest of the world gets to. It is not fair. I have not done anything in my life that would constitute a punishment as cruel as this. Recently I have been listening to the song Karma by AJR and I feel like it really captures the way I feel about the whole thing. Especially the line, “the universe works in mysterious ways but I’m starting to think it ain’t working for me”. It confuses me because in an abstract way the human experience is following the rules laid out by the universe and in turn recieving either good or bad things based on your compliance. It just seems like I am being expected to follow an entirely different set of rules and rewards but I have no idea what they are and noone will tell me what they are. I come to the universe asking questions because it is just the way that things are supposed to be and thats just how it works, but for some reason I am met with notions of “well not for you though” with no further explainations. What am I doing this for? I do not belong in this timeline, I feel like I got misplaced on accident and that this is not the lifetime that I am supposed to be navigating but I am trapped here until the end of humanity.  

[prettiestboyreid]

fics that have altered my brain chemistry (eddies/joe qs version)

okay so ive been in an adhd brain rot?? where im just fucking HORRIBLE at reblogging fics that i enjoy and honestly it was my whole reasoning behind making this blog FOR GIVING WRITERS THE LOVE THEY DESERVE i just wanted to give a shoutout to these writers (and stories) they’ve made that just fucking messed with my brain (and in a good way okay??) over these last few months. please check them out and give them all the fucking love they deserve

like a poem (FINISHED series, but sometimes if you ask nice enough she will throw a blurb in there) - im so very fucking biased because i love her to the moon and back, but she writes the best fucking stories of joe that will keep you up all night having you rethinking all of your life choices. IT WAS VERY HARD FOR ME to pick out a story that i wanted to highlight in this post, but the whole reason i fell in love with her writing was because of bookstore!joe and he will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart. love you boo

plot: “Joe finds solace in a quaint bookstore, your bookstore, from a hectic situation in the streets. But, you’re closed. But then also, it’s Joseph Quinn.“ from the authors page

echoes (FINISHED, series) - again im so very fucking biased because she is the sweetest person you will have the pleasure of knowing BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT - she writes so fucking beautifully she will literally have you CRY and this will forever and always be my favourite fic of hers. she deserves all the love she gets, and then even more so read it!!!! (she will make you cry its not on me tho)

plot: “When she laid her emotions out for her best friend, the last thing she expected was for him to turn around, walk away and never speak to her again. Years after, they meet again - different people, different feelings. Or are they?” from the authors page

the hideout (FINISHED, oneshot)- this was one of the first fics i read and fell in love with. it was in that timeperiod where all i could do 24/7 was read eddie munson fanfics and this was one of those fics where i went “holy SHIT??” and honestly i dont think there will ever be a time where this isnt just some % on my mind??

plot: “Eddie Munson made it big. Now, when he returns to Hawkins for a hometown concert with his band, he is reminded of the girl he’s been in love with for the past 6 years when Steve Harrington calls.” from the authors page

vintage reeboks (FINISHED) - this is one of those fics where you’re like???? holy shit i wish i’d come up with that?? i remember reading all of this in one day (summertime, sweating very fucking much) and its just?? holy shit its perfect?? the way eddie is in this??? and its something i could never think of would be this perfect?? i swear i think of this fic at least once a day??

plot: “The gate at the bottom of Lover’s Lake was meant to spit the quartet out in the Upside Down. Steve, Nancy, and Robin were meant to be there. He wasn’t meant to be alone. But when Eddie comes to on the shoreline, you’re there. It’s not the Upside Down. It’s not Lover’s Lake. It’s not 1986.” from the authors page

twenty four hours (STILL GOING) - the way this has me in a chokehold?? im a fucking sucker for when fics have a nice layout??? and this is just so pretty to look at?? like whenever i see its been updated my whole body is SHAKING?? i dont even know what to say?? this is just so amazing and the whole?? will they wont they?? i love them?? i want them both to fight with me all night long??? i CANNOT wait to see where this ends

plot: “in which eddie munson and you absolutely hate each other's guts. what happens when your friends make a bet that you can't spend more than twenty four hours consecutively together?” from the authors page

to know you’re mine (FINISHED) - i saw someone talk about this in the “eddie munson x reader” tag, and DEVOURED the chapters that were up in one whole day?? the way eddie is so fucking soft and nice and the best fucking gentleman in this?? and also?? the relationship to steve in this is amazing??? but THE RELATIONSHIP TO EDDIE IS EVEN MORE AMAZING?? such a fucking fantastic author please go EAT all the chapters right now

plot: “You know the rules. You'd been there when your boyfriend, Steve Harrington, discussed them with the others. There are only two.Number one: Only play when everyone's together. Number two: No finishing inside each other's girls.You'd agreed to these rules, same as Chrissy. Same as Eddie.But then there's rule number three, and though it remains unspoken, it's by far the most important. And you have that feeling again, like when you propped yourself up against the barstool, straining to see him on that stage, craning for a glimpse as his husky voice reached inside you. Now, his dark eyes are doing the same thing: pulling at something buried deep, tugging it into the light where it can't be hidden. And, sure, of course, you didn't intend this. But what are intentions in the face of such things? Needless to say, every rule gets broken.” from the authors page

the customer’s always right (STILL GOING) - hehhehe im a hoe for cutie virgin eddie??? but they way she always manages to capture eddie in her fics?? fucking amazing??? and her writing??? yes PLEASE so do yourself a favor on this fine friday AND READ THIS AMAZING FUCKING SERIES because eddie will make you fall in love in this???

plot: “eddie munson is a virgin and doesn’t want anyone to know (because being an adult who’s never fucked anyone is a total reputation ruiner). but you, his favorite customer, are more than willing to change that.” from the authors page

sincerely yours... (STILL GOING) - like i’ve told her before - her eddie is fucking amazing and so very much to the point!! im so excited for this one and cannot WAIT to see where eddies teasing will make him end up!! the last fucking part of this??? amazing

plot: "Untouchable, is what he called you. Dating Jason, the captain of the basketball tea, most would call you the same. Living your holier than thour life, something else he said, you can’t seem to swallow the need to prove him wrong” from the authors page

burn one (FINISHED) - this is just the perfect fucking combination of smutty and sweet??? like this is just how i imagine eddie and this is so fucking sweet and perfect?? had me thinking about this for WEEKS UGH

plot: "When you move to Hawkins to start over, your new unexpected friendship with your weed dealer next door is your saving grace. It was never your intention to fall in love with him though.” from the authors page

Disjointed (STILL GOING) - this fic has me feeling ALL the feels in all the chapters?? makes me GIGGLE, makes me CRY!!!, i’m in love with all the chapters and i CANNOT WAIT to see them live happily every after

also now that i’ve finished, i’ve just realised this is a lovepoem to my favourite authors on this app heheheh im sorry but i DO love you guys. please do go and read their stories, and send them all the fucking love in the world!! they do have so many amazing stories on their masterlist you will not be able to sleep tonight!!!

authors mentioned in this post THAT YOU NEED TO CHECK OUT!!: @icallhimjoey @ghostinthebackofyourhead​ @inknopewetrust @storiesbyrhi​ @ghost-proofbaby​ @blue-mossbird @lovebugism​ @plumxwrites​ @loveshotzz​ @boomhauer

[giacomettislament]

not quite sure how the reqs work, but maybe lilia/rook/trey with a corruption kink and a pretty innocent, sweet s/o (dacryphilia if thats something youre comfortable with!)

walking woman i

“i need to see that heart.”

trey. rook. lilia. 

content warning(s): explicit content, dubcon

—He’s a good guy. He really is. That’s what you like to tell yourself when Trey looms over you, appearing more possessed than he does rational, enraptured with the tears that streak down your face in guilty streams. Both of you have never seen each other like this. You, disheveled and unsure of everything around you, and Trey, callous and cruel for once in his life.

He wipes at your tears with a thumb, and the mocking smile on his face tells you everything. “Shhhh… Sugar plum, why are you crying? Are you scared? It’s just me. There’s nothing to be scared of.”

Just him? That was who you were afraid of. Everything about this was scary, new, foreign, and here he was, lapping up every flicker of shame in your face as if he couldn’t get enough of your embarrassment. You were so naïve, to trust him this wholeheartedly, and now, he was ripping you apart piece by piece.

His hands fall to your knees, slowly prying them apart. You hiccup to yourself. Your core flares with heat, but your brain screams otherwise. But when his fingers start to trace around your drooling sex, teasing your sensitive parts, and devouring every moment of your fall from grace, you can’t bring yourself to push him away.

“You’ll be okay,” he whispers. “I’m going to take good care of you. All you need to do is relax. I know everything is scary right now, but if you’re good, I promise that everything will make sense eventually. You want to make me feel good too, right?”

You hate how childish you feel with him cooing at you like this. But you only nod, unable to spit out any words to push him away. Maybe this is your punishment for your cowardice, your ignorance, and what else can you do other than to repent?

“That’s my sweetheart,” Trey laughs darkly. “So pure… So sweet… I can’t wait to break you.”

—”Mon amour, don’t look away.”

Your core burns, but you don’t hate it. It feels good—it feels so good—to be pinned underneath Rook while he ravishes you. As much as pleasure shreds your body, you can’t help but feel less like a partner and more like a toy for Rook to play with. He kisses your face and smoothes down your body, murmuring to himself about how beautiful and untainted you were.

“Oui… Oui, just like that, mon ange,” he grunts out. Your tight hole pulses and squeezes around him, milking his thick dick. His cock feels like it’s ramming against your stomach, and you swallow back another wave of tears. It feels so weird, like your body is being split in two, but you can’t seem to get enough.

You’ve never felt like this before. You never knew your body was capable of doing this, of taking someone’s cock in such a lewd way, of feeling so much lust for someone who was doing this to you.

The heat that pools in your gut begs for more of Rook’s cock, for your virginal hole to spread apart and stretched out by his girthy member. Great Seven, it feels weird but so good, and you want more, more, more until you could barely think and succumb to this newfound sin.

“Enjoying yourself, are we? Now you know what pleasure truly feels like… Ah, that innocence of yours is such a treat! And to think I was the one to steal it from you,” the huntsman breathes. “You’re the same as me now… A creature of toil and lowliness, a fallen angel to bless my body…”

He thrusts upwards into you, hitting you at a new angle. The electric pleasure that forces its way through you nearly makes you scream, and your toes curl into the sheets as you writhe to no avail under his heavy body. He chuckles to himself, holding you even closer to his chest.

“I’m going to take you again and again, mon amour. I’ll rid that body of yours from any purity it has, until you can barely even face yourself…”

—Your voice catches in your throat when Lilia pumps his fingers in and out of you, and he hums in a satisfied tone when you throw your head back and squeal out for him. Your vision had already started going blurry around the edges a long time ago, and with Lilia forcing orgasm after orgasm out of you with nothing but his fingers alone, your body felt numb and limp. Lilia draws his fingers from you, and you grunt at how empty you feel without him stuffing himself into you in some way.

“How does it feel? Look at you,” Lilia sighs. He sounds like he’s pitying you, and he laps at his fingers seductively. “I wonder what everyone at Night Raven College would think if they saw you like this. The pure, shining beacon of happiness, with their legs spread like this? Or even better, if they saw me fucking you out on my fingers. They’d be scandalized at how dirty you are, wouldn’t they?”

You whimpered, hating yourself for the way your walls twist at the thought. Just thinking about all your friends, all the people who looked up to you and respect you, watching you as you’d cum shamelessly all over the fae’s hands. What would become of your respectability then? Your purity? Your radiance?

The fae who snatched it from you giggled happily. His fingers tiptoed up your legs, tracing your sensitive skin and observing the way your chest rose and fall as you came back down from your blown-out high back to earth where Lilia was waiting.

“You like that, don’t you? I’ll make sure to invite everyone next time,” he mocks cruelly. “Or even better! I’ll fuck you in the middle of one of your classes. I’ll fuck you out on my cock, stuff that hole of yours with my cum, and leave you there for everyone to stare at you. That’d be fun!”

You shake your head weakly, unable to muster up your voice. Lilia smiles at you gently, and he squeezes your hips. He presses his cold lips to your forehead, shushing you quietly.

“Don’t be dishonest with me. I know what you like, more than you’re willing to admit. Why cling to your pride now? I’ve tainted you. I’ve tainted you with these very hands,” he whispers, cradling you as if he would a newborn animal. “It’ll only be a matter of time until everyone else knows too.”

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