#i just hate this i hate this i hate this and i wish my body would let me let out my emotions

[suguru-getos]

“i have scars in my hands from touching certain people” — cult leader! geto x monkey! F->reader

genre: fluff, angst, comfort, budding building relationships between sugu and the reader. taunting, trauma. it’s a mix of everything really. (mentions of gore & killings, mentions of locking up the reader, suguru has caged her basically but he’s very suguru-like about it :3)

the lunch was so eerie, quiet, but so unlike the geto estate’s normal day to day. suguru was sitting eating quietly at the head’s chair, to his right side was mimiko, nanako to the left, manami, miguel, larue and a few others he proudly calls family seated. the farthest from him was you. and somehow the nearest — for you sat right in front of him at the other leader chair. you’re not one to talk anyways, despite the silence being deadly.

suguru found you a few months ago, when his temper got the better off of him on an italy trip with his dearest precious angelic girls. your friends were taking a seat right behind, the dinner place otherwise secluded. maybe it was how loud you all were, or perhaps, how disrespectful your friends was when the waiter asked her to tone it down a little upon suguru’s urgency. he was here for some peace and quiet. it was liberating as is in his head to tolerate monkeys around, breathing, heart beating against their chests & living… he couldn’t help but kill everyone.

the sound of bodies trampled by something you can’t see, some screams— you were luckily in the rest room & you didn’t dare come out. suguru knew better though, he knew you were here. his eyes had lingered a little too long when you came inside this place anyway. he gets up, eyes clinging together in his usual smile, headpatting nanako. “i will check if there are others.” the girls wished their geto sama wasn’t so temperamental all the time. but whenever suguru was amongst monkeys, it seemed like the infinite, ocean-like patience he harbors fades & evaporates from within him. she sighs, watching suguru walk towards the entrance of the restroom. a few more screams… “happy birthday to me.” she scoffs, looking down.

when it came down to you, a terrified little girl leaning against the restroom corner of one of the stalls, eyes closed, ears covered, he knew he might just make an exception. maybe it was to show mimiko & nanako that he didn’t kill them all & he is working on his actions… maybe he just knew you’d have nowhere to go, all your companions & friends were dead. he purses his lips, eyes blearing hard in annoyance. "get up." you still remember the command that ran through your skin. you get up, trying not to cry at the man, big and looming, a feet taller than you, his face smeared in blood. "please don't kill me. i wouldn't say anything..." you manage to croak, voice hoarse at the panic it brings you.

"i wouldn't. shut up." he seethes, a warning pretty clear the way your shoulders slump and you quiver. you don't want to make sure you die right here.

...the rest is history, suguru took you to the room in italy, the girls just mingled with you within a few days. then, he took you to japan. you had work, you had a life, but you didn't want to say anything after you saw your friends lifeless. you hated geto suguru, but your silence was all you could possibly do.

it's been a few months to this now, eventually, you're at a stage where things have changed. your family thinks you have 'moved in' with your boyfriend, you had obviously resigned from work and on being asked to serve your notice or pay fine, suguru slapped the fine on their faces. you just exist in this estate when geto sama is on his meetings, when the girls spend time learning, when miguel and larue are on missions... sometimes you take out time out of your already free day to write. but there's nothing else to your routine except being suguru's monkey pet.

you are traversing through your thoughts, and suguru clears his throat to snap you back to reality. "y/n. you didn't answer the question asked." oh shit- "sorry- what question?" "do you like the food?" he asks, observant, and ever so keen to know things about you. you have no idea why he does that. you have known he hates humans. the only people he has tolerated is your brother and your mom. when they came to 'visit' you. he played the boyfriend bit quite well, also. "yeah, s' great." you hum, taking another disinterested bite.

"really? i didn't like the spice level, you like spices too, don't you?" he hits you with another question. manami and larue are gazing at you, they don't know what kinda mood suguru is in at the moment. there are times he just locks you up for hours because he doesn't wish to contaminate the house with monkey stench. you don't want it to be one of those days either.

"i like it." you answered, not sure what is it that he wishes to hear.

suguru has also been like a quiet cat in the last few months. he just observes you, watches you keenly, accompanies you on your walks and has attached himself to a fleeting hope that you would eventually open up to him. you haven't asked him anything about himself, or ever expressed your discomfort. you don't want to talk about the instances where you and him have almost kissed for several times. or when you seek him out with sillies like, "do you want to take a walk? do you want to go and eat ice cream? do you wanna watch a movie?" there are moments with suguru which almost feel a little too domesticated. its not all bad.

there are moments when he clutches at your wrist and you feel the burn seep through your entire body, and then you hate yourself for it. there are moments you hate him and wish for him to die when you remember it's your friend's birthday and she's no more. there are a total of good and bad and even which you can't possibly count. there are times suguru hugs you for good mornings and then there are times he doesn't want to see your face. you both are struggling to accept each other.

"last time this was made, you didn't take a bite." he raises a brow. "so i made sure they had something you liked for store." he crosses his arms. raising a brow. oh goodness.. suguru geto and his fierce memory. "i like it now." you scoffed stubbornly.

the chair slides back and your heart sinks, suguru is coming towards you. there is a layer of panic in your body language that isn't unreadable despite there having enough close moments between you two. you flinched when he takes the last footstep, standing in front of you. his hand yanking the plate away and shoving it closer to your face. "does this look like the plate full of something you love?" he's right, you have barely taken a bite or two. you swallow thick, unsure why you're being lectured like a child. "sorry... i was just busy thinking about something but, i'll finish it." you mumbled, eyes glossed up at the sudden change. maybe its him who is in a bad mood today.

"no, i said i got something else." he yanks the plate against the wall, the crockery breaking the same time as a stray tear falls down your cheek. oh he's mad. its so evident the turmoil suguru is in when he's around you. you wish he didn't have to go through the psychological torture either, but its him that needs to understand that too. "don't be mad and ruin the dinner for everyone geto." your words have a slight gnaw, a warning. you don't know where you muster the strength to say all that but... you just do.

suguru is tamed just like that, a heavy sigh followed by an eye roll. you get up, wanting to leave when you feel his hand clasp around your wrist, tight, restricting some of your blood flow.

"i said, i got some food for you y/n" he raises a brow, why are you so difficult and why can't he kill you off. he knows he has a soft corner for you, he knows he ... loves you. which is why this hurts. he hates that fate had to choose no one but a fucking monkey for him. the very kind he hates has this much control over him. he wishes so bad that the feeling goes away, but his heart is taut between needing you near him and wanting to push you away.

"please." he murmurs like an injured lion next, leaning his hand away when you hiss in pain. so frail and breakable. he's so afraid to touch you wrong even, you're like a little bunny and he's this... big bad wolf. can't even hold you up well without hurting you. always extra careful... delighted to be extra careful. your hand reacts to his hold, turning redder and slightly blue. even though you're the one that's bruised, suguru is the one that's hurting.

"don't understand how weak someone can be." he hums, holding your hand gently and glaring at the wound. he hates this so much. then, there's always you attacking with words as well.

"oh you mean these physical wounds? eh, they're no problem. you can lock me up again if you're scared of hurting me physically, geto." you remind him that these are physical wounds, that this is something unrelated to the mental wounds he's given you.

"i have scars too, little one. so many scars from touching you." he replies, he also, means the emotional scars. you are a living, breathing reminder that his hate isn't enough after all.

"eat your food." suguru ends with a hum, despite everything, he can't let you go.

[barcaatthemoon]

chills || patri guijarro x reader ||

You really did wish that Patri would listen to you more.

"Ugh, why is it so hot?" Patri complained as she flopped back onto the bed of your hotel room. Spain could get pretty hot, but it wasn't the same heat that you had grown up around. You had assumed that Patri's time spent with you on your little road trip would be fine, but she was really starting to struggle the closer the two of you got to your hometown.

"Patri, you only just turned the air on. It takes a little while to cool the whole room down," you told her. Patri didn't listen and continued to turn the temperature down. "You probably need to change your clothes. That fabric traps in body heat, and you've been sweating a lot."

"Whatever, I'm going to take a shower," Patri told you. You sighed, turning the temperature up a bit so that Patri didn't get cold when she got out of the shower. You felt like the room was at a nice temperature, but you could tell that Patri disagreed by the way she huffed and puffed when she got out of the shower.

"Patri, what are you doing?" you asked as you watched her go for the AC again. "You don't want to turn that down right now."

"I'll be fine." It wasn't like Patri to just dismiss you. You knew that she had expected things to be cooler with the time of year. Still, she was being a bit more snappy than what you were used to.

"Patri don't set that too cool. You just got out of the shower, and you're gonna make yourself sick," you said. Patri just groaned as she flopped onto the bed, not even acknowledging you. "Patri, did you hear me?"

"Yes, and oh my god, I'll be fine," Patri grumbled. You forced yourself to stay calm and ignore her for the time being. You started watching whatever crime show was being marathoned on the TV while Patri watched game highlights on her phone and texted her teammates.

You weren't sure how long had passed before Patri eventually just fell asleep. You were pretty tired as well, but you waited until after you turned the AC off to take your shower. Patri didn't stir, only moving to cuddle with you after you'd gotten back into bed. It was as she began to snore a little that you realized that she was starting to get sick.

To anybody else, it would have seemed like nothing, but you knew Patri didn't snore. The only time she ever snored was when she was sick. You hated that you were right and wouldn't even be able rub it in her face because Patri was absolutely awful whenever she got sick. You loved her, but she turned into the absolute biggest crybaby whenever she came down with a common cold.

…

"Amor? Mi amor, please wake up," Patri whined. You had no idea what time it was, but you could clearly see that it was still dark. Patri was pushing at your shoulder and shaking you out of your slumber.

"Patri stop, I'm trying to sleep," you told her. Your words were slightly muffled, but you knew that Patri heard you.

"Mi amor, I don't feel good. Will you go get me some medicine please?" You didn't have to look at Patri to know that she was pouting at you. Grumbling and muttering angrily under your breath, you shuffled out of bed. "Oh, and something to drink."

"Oh no, I'll be fine. It's too hot, I have to make our room feel like Antartica. Don't tell me what to do, I know what's best. I don't care that I'm wet, it needs to be practically freezing or I'll throw a hissy fit," you muttered as you made your way out of the hotel room. You continued on your rant as you went out to the car. Patri texted you a little list of things that she wanted from the store, but you only really grabbed the essentials.

You grabbed a couple of things for yourself, mainly snacks because you knew Patri wouldn't let you get away for the rest of the day. She seemed to always need twice as much affection as usual whenever she was sick. You knew it was because you wouldn't kiss her, so she tried to make up for it by holding you with a death grip in her arms for most of the day. It was a struggle to get her to let you go long enough to use the bathroom most of the time.

"Did you seriously turn the AC on again?" You felt like you were gonig to lose your mind with Patri. "How the hell do you think that you got sick?"

"I ate that chicken tender off of the floor of your car," Patri guessed. You had momentarily forgotten about that and the small argument that had come from it. In all honesty, it could have been a mix of things, but you were pretty certain that it was from the shower incident.

"No because if that was the case, I'd be sick too. I am not, and that's because I didn't freeze myself half to death after taking a shower," you said. Patri pouted, ready to rant about you being mean to her while she was sick. "I know that it's the morning, but you're taking the PM medicine and we are going back to sleep."

"But I wanted a cup of coffee," Patri tried to tell you. You weren't having any of it. You got her the pills she needed and opened her drink for her as you climbed back into bed. "Thank you for taking care of me."

"You're welcome, now close your eyes and don't wake me up unless you're actively dying until 9," you told her. Patri let out a sad sigh as you turned your back to her. "I can't kiss you, you're sick."

"But then I can take care of you," Patri said sweetly. "You love it when I take care of you when you're sick."

"Baby, I have to be healthy to get us through this trip. I promise that once you're better, you'll get all of the kisses that you want," you told her. Patri seemed happy with that as she took the position of big spoon. You hadn't planned on spooning with her, but it was definitely a happily welcomed surprise.

[lazyturtlehottub]

“You’re such an asshole.”

There’s nothing Tommy can really say to that because he absolutely is but Evan’s right up in his space, warm palms sweeping over his stomach and waist as he leans in to kiss him again. Tommy makes a small, strange sound, a whining curl that starts in his chest and flows into Evan’s mouth, his hands rising to cup his elbows. Breathing’s more than a little difficult, Evan’s tongue hot and demanding and there’s no defense against it, against him. Tommy shudders his surrender.

“I’m so mad at you,” Evan says once Tommy’s knees are weak and his lungs hurt from not being able to get enough oxygen. The scruff of his cheeks and jaw scrapes over the sensitive skin of his neck as Evan nudges his face there, mouth parted, tongue pressing over the rapid thrum of his pulse. “You just left. You left me. And I wish I could hate you but I can’t.”

“Evan—” Tommy hiccups on his name, fingers flexing on his elbows. “I’m sorry.”

Evan bites him, hard and sharp, and Tommy cries out, hips jerking against Evan’s body as his cock thickens all the way. Evan doesn’t let go, hanging on by the teeth, and Tommy’s delirious as he thinks that he might come just from this.

It hurts so much but it’s the first time since he left the loft and Evan that the pain’s a good one, that he wants more.

“Harder,” he pleads.

Evan hums and bites down harder, sucking at the flesh, and Tommy tries to wriggle away despite how much he wants it but Evan’s strong, matches him pound for pound, and kicks his legs apart to jam his thigh between them. Tommy grinds against the thick muscle there, hand snapping from Evan’s elbow to curve around the shape of his skull, wanting a mark to be left on him so he can say look, Evan was here, it was real, there was something true.

Disappointment and relief sweep through him when the pressure eases and Evan lifts his head, mouth wet; his neck throbs, an agonising bruise he wants to dig his fingers into.

“I don’t want us to be over,” Evan says because damned if he isn’t the bravest person Tommy knows. “Tommy…I miss you. You hurt me but I fucking miss you.” His thumb rubs over the bruise and Tommy shudders at the sensation. “And you miss me too.”

“Of course I do,” Tommy murmurs, eyes fixed on a point over Evan’s head. “But you deserve more than this.”

Evan presses his thumb down hard, and Tommy jack rabbits against the pain but he’s pinned in place and his cock throbs, leaking in his sweats.

“Stop telling me what I deserve and what I think and how I feel,” Evan snaps. “God, you’re so patronising, I hate that.”

“I—I don’t mean to be,” he replies, horrified by how shaky his voice is. “You’re just so…”

“So what?” Evan demands. “Come on, Tommy, what am I?”

The sun.

The love of my life.

The only person I ever want to see.

“Everything,” Tommy whispers. “You’re everything.”

Oh we are putting Tommy through it with the voicemail and the photos 😆😆😆

Tommy should get drunk and leave a voicemail for Buck next. Quid pro fucking quo and all

I mean...I'm down if you are!

What's the saying, team work makes the two sad blorbos fuck or something? 🤣🤣🤣

[neuroticbookworm]

Hello! For the character breakdown. Jae Yeong - Semantic Error. Have a good night! Rose💜

Rose! Thank you for giving me an opportunity to simp for this man on main.

Look at him, bein’ all delicious lookin’

How I feel about this character

Let’s get this out of the way: I desire him carnally, and I also fully support his carnal desire towards Sangwoo. I’m sophisticated like that!

I went into Semantic Error ready to rip out the group project slacker’s gizzards. I’ve been in Sangwoo’s position one too many times and I was primed to hate Jaeyoung with my entire being. But he earned my respect so quick by dedicating the entire rest of his semester to activities that will drive his enemy to madness. I am a passionate hater at my core, and I recognize his game. And then, when he decided he wanted to woo Sangwoo, my man ditched his head-to-toe tteokbokki cosplay, and donned his suave leather jacket and his all-black fits. He introduced spontaneity into Sangwoo’s routine, but backed off when Sangwoo actually avoided him and angrily told him to leave him alone. He is just enough chaos combined with genuine care and attention to detail, all wrapped up in a smoking hot face and body. I need to move on before I start drooling.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Me. And Sangwoo. End of list.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

The friendship between Choi Yuna and Jang Jaeyoung consists of 40% spending time together, eating together, helping with a move, saving seats, and so on, 30% roasting the shit out of each other’s existence, and 30% her whacking his stupid yet gorgeous face for his stupidity. The ratio is just so perfect and I am extremely envious of their friendship.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I really believe that Jaeyoung tried his best to find Sangwoo, explain his case, and correct the record before going the Annoy Him Into Submission route. And the reason why his mission was so successful was because he was such a competent annoyer. He had observed Sangwoo’s everyday activities so well that he was able to successfully disrupt every single aspect of his day. That takes dedication and a level of interest that can’t just be explained away with a “oh I hate the guy”. And he never really broke any rules and crossed any boundaries! That’s why Sangwoo found the disruptions so hard to deal with: Jaeyoung took his time to do research and covered all his bases for maximum annoyance. And it worked like a charm.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

He should’ve worn all-black fits in more scenes. For research.

Give me a character ask game

[soulofapatrick]

Lessons in Flight - Cassian x female reader 

Summary: Cassian teaches you to fly 

Words: 4K

Warnings: none really 

Y/N’s POV

The wind roars around me, threatening to tear me off the cliff before I even have a chance to embarrass myself. My toes curl in my boots as I glance nervously at the abyss below. Why did I agree to this? Oh, right. Cassian.

He stands a few feet away, the picture of ease and confidence. His massive wings are spread just enough to keep the wind from knocking him over, their black membranes catching the light in a way that’s unfairly mesmerising.

Not that the wings are the only mesmerising thing about him. Cassian is all golden-brown skin and lean, powerful muscle, with black hair that brushes his shoulders in wild, wind-tangled waves. His hazel eyes, sharp and glittering, keep flicking to me, and his rugged, devastatingly handsome face is pulled into the smirk that always sends my heart stumbling over itself.

“Are you planning to sprout wings today, or should I get a chair?” he calls, his deep voice cutting through the wind.

“Should I not be panicking right now?” I snap back, crossing my arms to keep from flailing. “Because I feel like I should absolutely be panicking.”

His grin widens, and I hate how good it looks on him. “No panicking allowed. You’ll give yourself wrinkles.”

“Wrinkles are the least of my concerns, Cassian!”

He strolls closer, every step radiating that stupid, effortless confidence, and stops a breath away. His wings shift slightly, framing him in a way that makes him look impossibly larger. “Hey,” he says softly, leaning down just enough to meet my gaze. “I’m not going to let you fall.”

The sincerity in his tone knocks some of the breath from my lungs, and I scowl to cover it. “You say that, but you also laughed when I tripped on flat ground yesterday.”

“That was funny,” he says, completely unapologetic.

I shove at his chest—not that he budges an inch—and take a step back, glaring up at him. “You’re the worst.”

“And the best teacher you’ve got,” he counters, his smirk returning full force. “Now, focus. The wings are in you—you just have to bring them out.”

“Easy for you to say,” I mutter. “You didn’t have to grow yours in front of an audience.”

Cassian barks a laugh, the sound rumbling in his chest. “Trust me, if I could’ve skipped my adolescent flying attempts, I would have. Ask Rhys or Az—‘crash landing’ was basically my middle name for a decade.”

I glance at him, caught off guard by the admission, and find his hazel eyes sparkling with humour. The warmth in his expression is infectious, and against all odds, I laugh.

“There’s the smile,” he murmurs, his voice dipping just enough to make my cheeks flush.

I groan, scrubbing at my face. “Fine, let’s get this over with.”

“Atta girl.”

I close my eyes and reach for the power thrumming beneath my skin. It feels alive, like a heartbeat, and as I focus, I picture wings—strong, sleek, and powerful.

The change happens faster than I expect. My back burns, like fire racing down my spine, and then—whoosh. Something bursts out behind me, and suddenly, I’m a lot heavier.

“Oh no,” I gasp as the weight of the wings sends me stumbling. My knees buckle, and my feet slip on the edge of the cliff.

“Whoa, whoa!” Cassian’s hands are there in an instant, strong and steady, gripping my waist and pulling me forward before I can tumble into oblivion.

I slam into his chest, and my brain short-circuits.

His body is solid, impossibly warm, and the scent of leather, pine, and something distinctly Cassian wraps around me, making my heart pound. His hands don’t move, firm on my waist, and I can feel the callouses on his fingers through my clothes.

“You alright?” he asks, his voice close and rough.

I look up—and immediately wish I hadn’t. His hazel eyes are inches from mine, bright with concern and amusement, and his stupid, perfect mouth is curved in a small smile.

“I—uh—yeah,” I stammer, trying to ignore the heat crawling up my neck.

His grin deepens, his thumbs brushing against my sides in a way that makes my breath hitch. “Big wings for such a little thing. No wonder you almost toppled over.”

“Shut up,” I mutter, shoving weakly at him.

He doesn’t let go. Of course, he doesn’t. Instead, his wings curl slightly, blocking the wind and cocooning us in a way that feels too intimate.

“You’re doing great,” he says softly, his tone free of teasing for once. “They’re heavy, but you’ll get used to it. You’re stronger than you think.”

The sincerity in his voice makes something warm and stupid bloom in my chest, and I immediately squash it. I step back, forcing some distance between us, and flex my shoulders experimentally. My new wings twitch, the tips dragging against the ground, but they move.

“There you go,” Cassian says, his grin returning. “See? Not so hard.”

“Not hard?” I echo, glaring at him. “I almost died!”

“And I saved you,” he says, winking. “You’re welcome.”

I groan, dragging a hand over my face as he starts laughing. But even as I glare at him, my lips twitch upward. Cassian may be insufferable, but he’s my insufferable—and for now, I think I’ll keep him.

The weight of my wings feels too much to bear. Every muscle in my back trembles under the strain as I try, and fail, to lift them. No matter how hard I focus, how badly I want to prove myself, they remain heavy, limp at my sides like the dead weight of a curse. Cassian’s hands, warm and solid against my hips, ground me, steadying my shaky posture. I can feel the strength in him, the way his hands hold me just tight enough, the heat radiating off him like he’s some kind of furnace. He doesn’t even seem to struggle with his wings, his massive, black ones spread wide like an all-encompassing shield against the world, effortlessly cutting through the wind.

“Focus, sweetheart,” Cassian murmurs, voice low, the smirk pulling at his lips, his hazel eyes twinkling with that teasing glint that never fails to set my pulse racing. “You’ve got this. Just a little higher.”

The gentle teasing, the way his hands linger on my waist, have me stumbling, but I force my shoulders to relax and dig deep for the strength I know is buried inside me. With a mental push, I feel the wings twitch, straining, and then—boom. I manage to lift them halfway. The victory is short-lived.

The weight of them—massive and far heavier than I expected—slams down again. My knees buckle.

Before I can catch myself, before I even have the chance to fall, Cassian’s hands are at my waist, pulling me toward him, yanking me against his body. I almost lose my breath from the force of it, my chest pressing into his hard chest, my forehead colliding with the smooth leather of his shoulder.

The impact knocks the air out of me, but my heart starts hammering in my chest like I’ve just sprinted a mile. I feel like I'm drowning in the warmth of him, his scent wrapping around me—leather, wood, and that intoxicating smell that’s just him.

His hands stay firmly on my hips, strong, steady, as he mutters, “Careful there, sweetheart. You’re going to make me drop you if you keep stumbling like that.”

I groan, my face pressed against the heat of his chest, unable to hide how flustered I feel, how the proximity to him makes my skin burn. “I’m not the one dropping anyone,” I mutter, my voice muffled against the solid wall of his body.

He chuckles, and I can practically feel the smile on his lips, that devilish grin of his that never fails to make my insides flip. “Liar.”

I pull back slightly, enough to glare up at him, my face still flushed. His hazel eyes gleam down at me, the playful spark in them never once dimming, and I feel like I’m being swept up in his gaze. “You’re impossible,” I mumble.

“Impossible?” His lips twitch. “More like irresistible.”

I scowl at him, but before I can come up with a decent retort, his hands slide down my back, tracing a path along the edges of my wings. I freeze. The contact is light, but it's like fire—his fingers grazing the leather of my armour just above where my wings meet my back. The spot is sensitive, like he’s touching a nerve directly.

A breath catches in my throat. Gods. The way his fingers linger, caressing so delicately that it’s almost torturous, sends a pulse of warmth straight to my core. The soft pressure of his hand against the base of my wings has my pulse spiking.

I can’t help it. I let out a soft, embarrassingly breathy sound, a noise I couldn’t have stopped if I tried.

Cassian’s entire body goes still, as if he’s just felt that reaction, and I hear the smallest, most dangerous chuckle rumble from his chest.

“Oh?” His voice drops lower, sliding into something rich and teasing. “Sensitive, are we?”

My face burns hotter than I thought possible. I open my mouth, but no words come out. What was that noise? Why does he have to be so close?

His fingers stay there, tracing the spot where the wings meet my back, moving deliberately, caressing me in a way that feels too intimate for someone who’s supposed to be teaching me. I try to step back, but my body feels like it’s made of stone.

The heat floods my skin, and I feel my breath become shallow. I know exactly what Azriel meant when he spoke about the wings and their sensitivity, but hearing him say it felt like a joke at the time.

Now? Now, I get it. Azriel wasn’t talking about some innocent touch. He meant this—this electric, nerve-shattering sensation.

Cassian’s fingers linger for a moment longer before he finally pulls away, his lips curling into a mischievous smile. “You know, you make the best sounds when you’re flustered. Just a hint of pleasure mixed with frustration.”

I barely manage to keep my knees from buckling. “You—”

But my words fail me, and I’m left standing there like an idiot, heart racing, face flushed, my wings now feeling like they might break my back in half from the weight and sensitivity.

“You’re not mad at me for that, are you?” Cassian’s voice softens, the teasing edge slipping into something more serious, though still warm. “Because I’m not letting you go until I know you’re alright.”

The softness in his tone makes something inside me tighten, and I find myself leaning into him instinctively, my breath still unsteady. “I’m fine,” I murmur, voice barely above a whisper. “Just... be careful next time.”

His eyes flicker with something darker now, a simmering heat that matches the one flaring inside me. His hands find their way back to my waist, holding me closer than I expect, and I let him, my body melting into his.

“Promise,” he says quietly, his voice full of that strange, unspoken something that makes my heart flutter and my stomach twist. “You’re safe with me.”

But as his fingers graze my back again, a sharp shudder runs through me, and I know that I’m not entirely safe—at least, not when he’s this close, this aware of every inch of me.

The moment Cassian’s fingers brush against the base of my wings again, it feels like everything inside me locks into place. My breath hitches in my throat, my entire body tightening, and I feel like I’m going to melt from the pressure. That spot, the one right where my wings meet my back—it burns with such a raw intensity that I can’t think, can’t breathe, can’t do anything but focus on the heat spreading through me.

I try to pull away, but my body doesn’t cooperate. Instead, I find my hands gripping the back of his neck instinctively, my fingers threading through the soft, dark strands of his hair, anchoring myself to him. It’s like I need him to hold me up, to stop me from crumbling under the weight of this overwhelming sensation. His arm is solid beneath my fingers, and I clutch onto it for balance, my pulse hammering through me. I feel the way my body reacts to his proximity, the way every inch of me wants him closer, even as my mind screams to stop.

Cassian is quiet now, his breath shallow against my temple, but I know exactly what he’s doing. His fingers are so damn careful, moving deliberately over that spot again. It’s not an accident; he knows exactly what it’s doing to me.

A shudder wracks through me, and without thinking, I squeeze my thighs together, desperate to keep some semblance of control, to stop myself from doing something stupid.

The air between us thickens, heavy with something undeniable. The teasing, the flirtation—it’s all been leading to this moment. I can feel it. My heart races, but it’s not just from the physical sensations coursing through my veins. It’s the way Cassian’s hands linger, the heat radiating from him, the tension coiling tighter with every passing second.

“Cassian,” I breathe, my voice barely more than a whisper.

His name feels like a prayer on my lips, and he responds by tilting my chin up with the lightest pressure of his fingers, his eyes locked onto mine with that wicked, smouldering gaze that makes my chest tighten. His thumb traces the line of my jaw, slow, deliberate, like he’s savouring the moment.

“Sweetheart,” he murmurs, his voice a low growl, full of heat and something more dangerous. “I think it’s time we stop pretending.”

I’m dizzy from the tension, from the way he’s holding me together with nothing more than his touch. His thumb presses into the soft skin beneath my ear, and I tilt my head slightly, giving him silent permission. And then, before I can even process what’s happening, his lips crash into mine.

The kiss is explosive. There’s nothing gentle about it—no soft buildup, no teasing. It’s hungry, desperate, as if we’ve both been waiting for this moment to snap, and now that it has, nothing in the world is going to stop it.

His hands slide up to my waist, pulling me flush against him. I can feel the muscles of his chest, the heat of his skin through the layers of armour, and it only makes me ache more, ache for something deeper, something more than this teasing, more than this fire burning between us.

My fingers tighten in his hair, tugging him closer, wanting more of him. His mouth moves against mine with an intensity that steals the air from my lungs, and I give into it, give into the way his kiss tastes like a promise and a dare. I can’t think, can’t breathe, can’t do anything but respond to him. My body knows what it wants.

Cassian’s hands slip lower, grazing over the curve of my hips, and I gasp into his mouth, feeling the way my wings flare, trembling with need, with desire, with a desperation that matches his. Cassian’s hands slide down to the backs of my thighs, his fingers warm and firm as he lifts me with a fluid, effortless motion. My legs instinctively wrap around his waist, and I gasp at the shift in position, feeling his hard, solid body pressed fully against me. I can’t focus on anything but the heat of him—his chest against mine, his breath fanning across my neck, the way his hands mold my body to his, like I’m the most important thing in the world to him.

His lips leave mine only long enough to kiss a trail along my jaw, each press of his mouth sending a jolt of electricity through me. He moves to my neck, his mouth hot and insistent, as if he’s marking me, claiming me in ways that no one else could ever dare to. His teeth scrape my skin, sending a shiver down my spine.

A deep, breathless gasp leaves my throat as his lips find the sensitive spot just below my ear, sucking hard enough that I know I’ll have a bruise there by morning. The thought does something to me—something primal, something hungry. I know the marks will be impossible to hide, but it doesn’t matter. The way he’s kissing me, the way his hands are holding me so securely, so possessively—it makes me want to lose myself in him, to let go of every last shred of control.

Cassian groans against my skin, and his hands slide up under the leather of my jacket, his fingertips grazing the bare skin of my back, sending shudders of pleasure racing through my body. His lips trail lower, sucking and nibbling at my neck, leaving dark, heated marks that make my pulse thunder in my ears. My back hits a tree, and the rough bark bites into my skin, but I don’t care—he’s here, his body pressed so tightly against mine that there’s nowhere for my thoughts to go except him.

“Cassian,” I breathe, my voice shaky and full of want. I tighten my grip on his neck, pulling him closer, needing more, needing to feel the weight of him against me in a way that I can’t deny anymore.

He pulls back just enough to look at me, his eyes dark with desire, his lips swollen from our kiss. He grins, that devilish smirk of his spreading across his face. “Sweetheart,” he murmurs, his voice low, rough, “I’ve wanted this for so damn long.”

His words send a shockwave through me, and before I can process it, he presses his lips back to mine in a kiss that’s even more desperate, more heated than before. His hands move with purpose now—one sliding up to cup the back of my head, tilting it just enough so he can deepen the kiss. The other moves lower again, running down the length of my spine, his fingers brushing over the sensitive skin just above my waist, making me gasp into his mouth.

I feel like I’m drowning in him—his lips, his hands, his presence. The way his body moves against mine with such raw, unrestrained heat is enough to make my knees weak, to make my body burn in ways I didn’t know were possible. I can’t think, can’t breathe.

The kiss deepens, and I lose myself completely in the sensation of Cassian—his lips, his hands, his heat seeping into every part of me. It’s like there’s nothing else in the world but the two of us, the way our bodies move together in perfect sync, how each touch sends a jolt of pure desire through me. His hands are steady on my body, guiding me with a possessive tenderness that makes my head spin.

But just as the world seems to narrow to only Cassian, I feel it. A soft, almost imperceptible shift deep inside me. Like a pull, like something that’s always been there, quietly waiting for its moment to take shape. The bond. It slides into place like a key turning in a lock, a subtle, undeniable connection that clicks between us.

I can’t explain it—there’s no sudden rush of light, no grand revelation. Just a quiet understanding that settles deep in my chest. It’s like I’ve always known this was coming, like my body has been waiting for this moment, for him. A part of me—the part that’s been holding back, fighting this—finally surrenders.

Cassian feels it too, I’m sure of it. His lips soften on mine, just a fraction, as though he’s caught in the same storm of emotions. Then, just as I’m about to lose myself in the feeling of him, a voice breaks through the haze.

“Really?” Rhys's voice is loud enough to make the trees shudder, his tone dripping with amusement.

Cassian doesn’t break from me, though. His lips stay pressed against mine for a long beat before he pulls away just enough to flash his signature smirk.

“Get over it, Rhys,” Cassian calls over his shoulder, his hand still firmly cupping my waist, holding me flush against the tree like I’m his in ways words can’t even express. He doesn’t even look at Rhys, his attention entirely on me.

I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks at being caught in such a compromising position, and my heart races faster for entirely different reasons now. But even as I try to pull away, Cassian’s grip on me doesn’t loosen, his hand keeping me tethered to him, the strength in his touch unwavering.

Rhys steps into the clearing with his usual cocky grin plastered across his face. He eyes us both, clearly trying to suppress the laughter in his voice. “Didn’t realise you two were so... busy,” he drawls, the teasing edge to his words clear.

Cassian, unbothered, chuckles low in his throat, his hands tightening slightly on my body, but it’s not possessive, it’s playful. “Don’t be such a prude, Rhys.” His voice is laced with sarcasm as he turns his head to smirk back at the High Lord.

And despite the heat between us, the intensity of the moment still hanging in the air, I can’t help but chuckle under my breath, the absurdity of it all hitting me. But the truth is, my pulse is still erratic, my body still humming with Cassian’s touch, with the bond sliding smoothly into place between us, like we’ve both always known it was coming.

Rhys raises an eyebrow, clearly amused, but there’s a hint of concern behind his gaze. “Don’t tell me I’m interrupting something... important.”

I can feel Cassian’s grin widen against my ear, his lips brushing against the side of my neck with a lingering touch. "No, just making sure she doesn't fall off a cliff while I teach her how to fly," he says with that devil-may-care attitude that always makes me weak in the knees. “But feel free to stay and watch.”

Rhys’s smirk falters for a moment, and his eyes narrow. "I'm not watching this." He motions dismissively, but I can see the way he’s fighting to hide his smile. He doesn’t say anything more but gives me a knowing look, a quick glance to Cassian, and then a faint nod.

"Behave yourselves," Rhys finally adds, turning to leave, his boots crunching against the forest floor as he retreats.

Cassian, still grinning like a damn cat that caught the canary, leans in to press his lips against my temple before I can even fully process what just happened. His voice is a low rumble, just for me, as his hands slide a little lower on my waist, pulling me even closer.

“We’ll pick up where we left off when he’s gone,” he whispers against my skin, and even though there’s a teasing quality to his words, there’s an undeniable heat there too. Something that tells me that this—us—is far from over.

ACOTAR Masterlist TAG LIST - updated 12th Oct 2024

TAGS:

@lilah-asteria @maleficmuse @fanficscuziranout @angelbunny222

[efqgfjdnw]

FUCK Tessa,

I want to be Cyn,

even months after episode eight I still wish I was her. Seeing how so many drones become scared of her, that feeling must be exhilarating. But also,

she's fucking adorable??

At the same time???

I could only wish, prey to any possible deity to be her.

J, Just look how scared she makes N.

JUST by her presence.

Imagining him just.. racking his head,

N, no way this is MY Cyn..

Right?

Just after years of not seeing each other,

the

re-

-union.

I want THAT type of reunion with anyone who knew me.

And her adorable facial expressions, along with her more horrifying ones and those that are a mixture of both.

Her stance is also what I could only wish to have,

her beauty,

her body horror,

her deliveries??

“Bad job, V” Clink

I could never think of clever things to say right on the spot.

Cyn is all I ever wanted to be. But I could never, obviously sadly, be her. Her voice is the perfect amount of adorable and terrifying, sinister and beautiful.

Yes, I know she wore Tessa's skin, and you can say I’m calling Tessa beautiful and all that, but here. No.

Tessa is no more. She doesn’t exist anymore, it’s just Cyn. Cyn is Tessa now. It’s now all her and only her. Tessa’s skin is perfect for her. No one else could pull her off.

I wish I was Cyn-like.

My body is too big, my voice is too high pitched, hell, I’m too short to even be terrifying. Nor am I cute enough to be adorable.

Cyn is everything.

I wish I was Cyn.

💛

No hate to those who love Tessa 🫶

[mythalism]

seeing people compare inquisition to veilguard (in terms that they're both shit etc.) has me going "get my beautiful wife's (inquisition) name out of your mouth!!"

ill be honest… there are A LOT of things I HATE about inquisition…. like truly the gameplay is a fucking nightmare to me i absolutely despise it. the combat makes me wish for the release of death. the game is far too fucking long. there is so much that just wastes my god damn time. i will criticize that game for literal hours and hours and never get tired. but then…. something will remind me of the 4D mind chess solas bull banter…. the way the candles turn on as you walk past in chateau d’onterre…. a quiet, awkward moment between Alistair and Morrigan in the skyhold gardens talking about their son… leliana reciting the chant in her final moments in a distant, dark future as the thunk of her arrows sinking into a demons flesh punctuates each line… the inquisitor stumbling through the snow as wolves howl in the distance…. hearing about cole leaving plums on the windowsill… finding ameridan frozen in time and hearing him tell my inquisitor who shares his vallaslin on her face to take moments of happiness when she can because the world will take the rest…. seeing the inside of a titan for the first time….. hearing the music begin to build in trespasser as you find the first qunari body…. “could one thing in this FUCKING WORLD JUST STAY FIXED!?”… looking upon the mural of fen’harel removing vallaslin and my heart sinking into my stomach as i felt what my inquisitor would be feeling as the realization hit her….. yeah. anyway. i could keep going but ill stop now. i could not make a list this long for veilguard and that’s the key i guess

[iamthemain-character]

Dirty Mind

astarion x fem!reader

CW: Depictions of mental illness, body dysmorphia, self loathing, descriptions of anatomy, nudity without sex, hints at a past of self harm. Please read with caution.

A/N: This fic is dedicated to the most incredible woman I know. Here's to you--and all of you--finding your healing. <3

bg3 masterlist

You knew you were being stupid. 

You had seen villages that suffered under oppressive rule, slain monsters that had shed the blood of countless innocents, fought off gods and demons alike to remain true to yourself. You had seen so much evil, felt it’s burden on your heart, and yet, your greatest battle was waged within yourself. 

It was no dark possession, no cruel and unjust leader that opposed you so vehemently; rather, it was your very own skin you existed within. Or perhaps it was rather your mind, turning within itself to destroy you from the inside. You detested the very body that gave you life, that had carried you through every day of your life. And yet you hated it with a darkness that could put the very nine hells to shame. 

The silvery reflection you gazed upon only furthered your displeasure, the light seeming to glint off the various imperfections that built up the frame you no longer recognized. Your chest, uneven to your scrutinizing eyes, was so lacking that it was a mockery to call them breasts. Where your largeness did come in was from your stomach, as soft and pliable as a baker’s dough, and yet it was considerably less useful. It was duplicated on your thighs, the circumference making you frown the longer you stared. You felt all together uneven, as if some potter had started shaping his clay and had left you out to dry, half finished and altogether defective as a human being. 

It didn’t help that you were covered in marks; your skin looking more like a mis pieced quilt to your eyes than the body of a woman. Scars from various battles stitched the fabric of your flesh, showing off your failures in battle. Worse, however, were the scars from the battle within yourself, where you failed to protect your own skin from your gleaming blade. The shame that each of those marks carried made your body burn coldly, unremorseful yet full of regret. 

You weren’t even sure what your lover saw in you on the rare nights you let him have you wholly. In the occasions where you did not shun the light or keep yourself partially dressed, you let your mind be overpowered by the sensations of his own body,  perfect and glorious as it made love to you in the way only he could. You would forget yourself for a while, until the darkness creeped back in and dragged you from the safety of his arms. Somehow you always came to the conclusion that he must have hated you more than he loved you, and that physicality was a poor excuse for the burden you were upon his life. 

You wanted to punch the mirror where it stood proudly in front of you, mocking your very existence, your futile attempt at being somebody. You envied your lover, cursed to never see the art of his features ever again. It was an undeserving curse, one you wished would be placed upon yourself rather than the beautiful elf. Yet you would not be free from your aesthetic burden until your traitorous eyes were plucked from their sockets. 

“My love, you would not believe what Gale-” The voice of Astarion at the entrance of your tent sent you scrambling, snatching up your cloak to wrap around your body. The pale elf stopped, his crimson eyes reflecting his smile as he looked you up and down. “Forgive me, my darling. I did not realize that this was an art exhibit.” 

His words sunk in your stomach like lead in mud, slowly, yet inevitably gathering at the bottom, unable to ever be useful again. You glanced back at the mirror as he approached from behind you, wishing for once you could see his reflection with you instead of just yours. 

His pale, veiny arms snaked around your waist, pulling you back against his chest. You felt the light sting of his pointed teeth as he dragged them over your neck, inhaling the scent of your freshly washed hair. “Or perhaps you are offering dessert, my love?”  

Perhaps another night, you would have offered yourself, gone through the same ritual of letting him baptize you in pleasure and adoration, praying to his heart that it cleansed you of your offensive form. But tonight the hatred in your heart weighed too heavily; you feared spilling it onto Astarion and staining his affection for you. 

“Have I fallen from your good graces, my dear?” 

Astarion’s voice broke you from your ruminating thoughts, and you realized you had been silent a little too long. Astarion looked at you, face pinched in a little bit of defensive concern. Your own face had betrayed your thoughts, your own features contorted into a look of disgust when he had spoken his teasing proposition. 

“No, no. you are perfect.” You quickly tried to remedy, hoping your tone sounds lighter than your thoughts feel. 

“Then why do you look like you walked past Halsin a little too closely?” Astarion says lightly, resuming his sassy attitude after your reassurance.

You give  a half-hearted laugh, amused at his dig towards your fellow companion, but still too deep within the darkness of your own mind to enjoy the lightness. 

Astarion’s smile softens, and he holds you a little tighter in his arm, his left hand coming up to cup your jaw. You instinctively lean into his touch, your chest becoming feeling more like a cage for your lungs as tears threaten to reveal your weakness. “What is it that troubles you so, my love?” Astarion murmurs, his voice making your body tingle and ache like being close to a fire after a long night in the cold. 

“It is nothing.” You mumble, casting your eyes down, not trusting your emotions to remain in check if you looked into his eyes. 

Astarion’s cool finger presses against the hollow of your jaw, trailing forward to force your chin up. His smile holds a hint of his playful demeanor, but holds so much more love and affection. You briefly wonder if he would still smile that way if he knew just how abominable you were on the inside. 

“It is clearly not nothing if it has stolen the light from your eyes, my dear.” Astarion says gently, his eyes searching yours for your untold burdens. “I am usually so skilled at bringing it back; yet I see that this is an affliction my jovial words cannot ease.” He leans down, pressing his lips to your furrowed forehead. “If my words cannot be of comfort, allow my ears to be.” 

You studied the face of your lover, noting the delicate features and marks that you had come to know and love. “You’re so beautiful.” You whisper, reaching up to lightly trace his cheek. 

Asatrion’s eyes lit up, delighted by your complimentary words. He grasped your wrist, bringing those fingers to his lips, pressing intimate kisses to each one. “As are you, my love.” 

The sour feeling bubbled again in your stomach, and you wondered if you were going to throw up. “Don’t say that.” 

Immediately, Astarion’s features darken, his silvery eyebrows drawing together in a mix of irritation and concern. “Why not? Am I not allowed to return the sentiment?”

You shook your head, feeling very small, and yet taking up too much space. This was it, you were sure, this was going to be the night he walked away from you forever more. He was finally going to see you exactly as you were. “Not when it’s not true.” 

Astarion’s eyebrows rose up from their tightened position, now expressing the astonishment and incredulousness within his chest. “I do not lie to you, my dear.” He says, trying to resist the irritation he feels at being doubted. 

You huff, unconvinced as you pull away from him. “Then you have been blinded. I am not beautiful.” 

Astarion’s fingers curl around your wrist, not allowing you to stray further than his arm’s reach. “No, you are not beautiful. You are gorgeous, a treasure among men, more rare and bewitching than any goddess.” His words are spoken so earnestly, so confident in the truth of them. “You forget, my heart, that I have lived far too long, and seen too many pretty faces. And yet you are more exquisite than any of them.”

“You don’t have to flatter me anymore.” You say bitterly, keeping your face turned away. “You know you have my trust.”

“I’m not–” Astarion starts to snap, but he stops himself, taking a deep breath. He looks at your avoidant face, his heart stinging with doubt. “I thought I made myself perfectly clear about my sentiments.” He says quietly, forcing his voice to remain calm. “I do not continually pursue you because of survival. I do so because I love you. My undead heart is entirely yours, and any affection I express to you is entirely truthful.” 

Guilt gnawed at your already heavy heart, making you feel like an even filthier person than you were before. You knew Astarion was being genuine, you had no reason to blame him. Yet you felt like a caged dog, scared, and biting to find its freedom. “You shouldn’t love me.” You say lowly, unable to keep the disgust at your own behavior out of your voice. “I’m no good for you.” 

 Astarion bristles a little at this, giving a unbelieving scoff. “You are the best thing that has happened to me in my cursed existence. You cannot stop me from loving you any more than you can stop the sun from rising in the morning.” He steps closer to you, his grip on your wrist sliding down to intertwine your fingers with his. “Why are you running from my love?”

His words spoken so gently, without any accusation or judgment, break your fragile heart. Your lips pull into a frown, but you cannot stop as tears rush to ease the burning in your eyes, watering your cheeks in streams. Your breathing becomes choked, every inhale a struggle to get enough air as you stifle sobs. 

Immediately, Astarion comes forward, cocooning you within his embrace, as if the sheer strength of his arms could keep you from breaking. You bury your face into the linen on his chest, your crying violent as it drags up all the self loathing, all the dark thoughts and ideas that had settled into the walls of your body and mind. Your hands cling pathetically to Astarion, trying to ground yourself amongst the sea of your pain. 

He doesn’t let you go, instead holding you to himself, trying to support your trembling body as the tears streamed from your eyes. He didn’t say anything, didn't try to give any meaningless platitudes to smooth over your emotions; all he did was let you cry, pressing his lips lovingly to the top of your head, almost as if he could push out your harrowing thoughts with each kiss. 

Time seemed meaningless and yet all too present as your soul rained down upon Astarion’s shirt. Every time you attempted to calm yourself, to try to regain some grasp of the traitorous emotions, the tears would simply wash over anew, sending you right back into your linen hiding place. 

By the time your body finally wrung itself of its tears, you were left feeling thoroughly spent, tired and melancholy, the embodiment of gray itself. Astarion’s hands left your body, coming up to cup your face, pressing soft kisses to your forehead, down your nose, and across your cheeks before he pressed his head against yours. 

“I don’t like myself.” You whispered, your voice raspy from the strain of your sobs. “I hate the way I look. I hate my body, and I don’t...I don’t know why you can't see it, or when you’re going to realize you could do better, and I…” 

Astarion didn’t let you continue, pressing his lips against yours to silence you. His ruby eyes were shining with unshed tears, pain and worry twisting your empty chest. “You, my love...my treasure, my heart..” He shook his head, overcome with emotion for a moment. “You are utterly perfect to me. There is not a part of you I would change, or that I do not think is the most incredible sight to behold.” 

The twisted feeling in your chest had risen up to your throat as he spoke, threatening to choke you entirely. “There is so much wrong with me.” You insist, unsure of whether you’re speaking of your physicality or your mind, but even further unconvinced of if it really mattered. 

“There is nothing wrong with you.” Astarion’s voice was still loving, but each word was enforced with a firm tone, denying any argument. “Flawed, perhaps, but nothing wrong. And even if you are entirely flawed, that does not make you any less perfect in my eyes.” He paused, bringing his lips to your knuckles as he spoke again. “Or in my heart.” 

Everything inside of you wanted to protest, wanted to fight back; perhaps if you hurt him he would finally understand what you were. But in your heart, there was a tiny flame of hope that craved his words, feasting upon the adoring look in his eyes. It was that hope that shone through your dark mind, a tiny thought blooming that perhaps he was telling the truth. Perhaps you did deserve love. 

“How can you be so sure?”

Astarion’s smile returned, as assured and adoring as ever. “I wish I could show you the way I see you. To open up my heart and give you all my deepest thoughts and sentiments for you.” He gazed at you thoughtfully for a beat of silence, then kissing your hand once again. “Perhaps I cannot give you my mind, but I can still show you how I feel. If you would allow me.”

The instinct to run, to deny either one of you the chance to be open and genuine with one another, burned in your chest. But you loved Astarion, and so badly you craved to just let yourself be convinced that that could be enough. “Okay.” 

Astarion’s eyes were full of love as he closed the distance between you; slowly, he let go of your hand, bringing it to your shoulder. He catches the edge of your robe against his nails, and he brushes it downward, letting the loose fabric slip off. Your body tenses, your heart squeezing, as if trying to tamp down the swell of emotions you feel towards the vampire. 

“Breathe, my love.” Astarion softly whispers, his hand caressing the soft skin of your neck, worshiping the same patches of skin that you despised for their red roughness. “You need only speak your discomfort, and I will stop. But I only wish to show you my affection.” 

The only discomfort you felt was from the fact that you existed as you were, but it was intoxicating to have Astarion so reverently touch you, crimson eyes so intent in their admiration. You could not find it within yourself to pull away. “I want your affection.” You admit softly, wanting only the elf’s long ears to catch your confession. Astarion smiles warmly, looking pleased with the opportunity your words presented him. 

Tenderly, he removed your robe from your body, his actions not unlike how an artist reveals their work. His eyes, usually so hungry when he saw you naked, instead were marveling at your body, taking in every part as if you were a painting that needed to be understood as well as appreciated. “You are so beautiful, my love.” 

Heat rises up your neck, feeling vulnerable and unsure of yourself under his admiring gaze. Yet you still did not want him to stop, your insides fluttering as he placed his cool hands on your waist. His smile unwavering, paralleled by his enraptured eyes, he guided you further into the tent, until he had you lay down on the bed roll. Astarion fussed over you for a moment, making sure your pillow was right, that the blankets were comfortable enough, that you were alright. It was an endearing turn of sweetness amongst the emotionally heavy atmosphere, bringing a hint of a smile to your lips. 

Astarion knelt over you, his hands beside your head; his ruby pools swirling with devotion. “You are truly the light and love of my life. A thousand years attached to your side could never be enough to satiate the desire I feel to have you, body and soul. No matter how you view yourself, you must know that no flower that blooms, no gem set in gold, no god sent divination could ever give my eyes a sight that is more magnificent than you are.” You had only ever heard his voice this raw, this unaffected and meaningful in his words, the first time he told you he loved you. “I adore you. There is nothing that you could ever do to change that, certainly not by being yourself and not even by trying. My heart is entirely bewitched by you and I will not let you go.”  

Your eyes felt misty, your body dried of its tears from your previous bout of crying. Your heart ached, but it almost felt good, to be seen in all your pain and hatred and still be told that you were loved. “Astarion...I love you.” Your voice is trembling, but earnest in its words. 

“And I love you.” Atsarion murmurs back, leaning in to press his cool lips to yours. “More than anything. And I will tell you every moment until there is not a doubt left in your mind that you are my only religion, my goddess.” 

Astarion moves his lips from your own down to your jaw, slowly pressing kisses of amorous devotion over your skin. Like a priest at the altar, he allowed his praises to be felt rather than song, pious in his utter worship to your body. Down your neck, through the valleys of your collarbones, making the pilgrimage to the heights of your breasts. Faithful and unwavering in his piety, he continued down your sternum, making no exception to any mark or hair or scar that came in path. 

You internally cringed as he got to your soft belly, preparing for his disgust; instead, however, you heard his voice murmur against your skin. “Gods, I love you.” His hands splayed over your hips, grasping a little as he pressed his face into your yielding body, sending heat up your core. Your surprise was only furthered as you felt the light scratch of his vampiric teeth catching on your stretch marks, following the rivulets with intent. 

As he moved further, he pressed a light kiss to your pelvis, giving it the affection he certainly knew it was worthy of, but he continued on, wanting his actions to be sensual, but not sexual; you were worth so much more than that. He certainly adored making love to you, but in this moment he wanted to simply convey his love for you through his touches. 

His hands moved to your plush thighs, and he made another sound of contentment as he kissed the skin there, giving equal adoration to the scars you felt so much shame for. You braced yourself for questions, but he asked none, silently accepting that that would be a battle to face another day. For now, he simply kissed over the pocked skin over your cellulite, nibbling any part that seemed particularly alluring to him. Though that proved to only have his fangs bared constantly, every new ripple of your thighs only looking more appetizing as he continued. 

Throughout Astarion’s entire ritualistic worshiping, you had slowly relaxed, melting into the bedroll as you experienced his sheer devotion. Your mind was pulled away from its dark thoughts, not in the way it usually was during passion, but rather feeling like the dark inner person within your mind had been calmed, wrapped in a blanket of warmth. 

Astarion sensed that his efforts had done at least a portion of what he desired, and so he rested his cheek against your thigh, gazing up at you with lazy admiration.  “Shall I continue? Will you be convinced if I should perhaps lick your toes?” He teased, a smirk curling on his lips.

“Ew!” You squealed, instinctively curling the appendages inward. “Astarion!” 

Despite your disgust, Astarion felt content with his words as he heard you finally laugh, light hearted and easy once more. “There she is, my beautiful love.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss behind your ear as he comes up and lays next to you. His arms remain around your own frame, wanting to keep you as close as he could. 

“Thank you.” You whisper, looking into his eyes, your heart warm and full from his adoration. 

“No need for thanks.” Astarion insists, a leg coming over yours to pull you against him. “I love you. And for that, there is nothing I wouldn’t do to prove it to you, for as long as you need me to. You are mine, forevermore, and I will take every part of you and love you for it until the heavens do not rise upon our flesh again.” 

[lucygraysboy]

billy listens with such intent that his lips part slightly and eyes become alight with interest, trying to picture the dolly that lucy gray’s describing. it’s plain to see just how much sentimental value the toy had. it makes him wish he could find a way to retrieve it, or maybe sew her something similar. as a thank you for taking him in tonight. “did she have a name? your dolly.” his adoptive father was a skilled carpenter and once built him a little wooden horse. oh, how he adored that horse. he named it moon dancer. “i’m sorry to hear that it got left behind. if you drew it for me, maybe i could find somethin’ similar,” he offers shyly, pale blue eyes flickering toward the colorful bear. a sweet smile blooming on his lips when he spots all the similarities between the girl and her teddy. “oh, look, she likes rainbows just like you do. you have a twin, too, lucy gray.” he jokes, but there’s no malice or mockery to his words, just good-natured humor, as he scrambles to his feet and walks across the room. “may i?” he touches the bear with such tenderness as if it were made of glass, calloused fingertips tracing the hearts sewn into the soft fabric, then moving onto the place where the other arm’s supposed to be. “she’s been through a lot, hm? reva blue, you’re one strong bear, you know that? and you’ve got a very beautiful dress,” he praises, his voice an octave higher as he speaks to the bear, gently patting her back before setting her down, tucking her in so that she’s warm. “reva blue and lucy gray. even your names match,” he points out, wondering if she has a sewing kit or a crochet hook and some fabric, a thread or yarn, in this little house. they could easily fix reva blue. give her a new arm. 

“that’s how most people from the capitol are. not to condone their behavior, but i think it all stems from fear.” extreme hatred is almost always based on fear. people may feel threatened by those they view as different or foreign, their traditions and culture. call them savages just to prove their own superiority. “it must be tough, not knowin’ what’s happened to your grandma, if she’s alive or not. maybe you’ll still meet again her one day.” he glances towards her, briefly wondering how it’s possible that such a small body can survive so much tragedy and still carry on. he feels for her, relates to her experiences to a certain extent, but he can’t grasp the enormity of her trauma. “guess so, but not everyone is like that. i don’t have no killer motives.” he’s thinking about ways to fix her teddy bear, and she’s accusing him of plotting murder. it’s unfair, but again, who knows what she’s been through? maybe she’s lost all trust in humanity. “yeah? why? i keep hearin’ it’s a real boring name, common.” and it looks like she doesn’t particularly like it either, which stings to a certain extent but he manages to keep these emotions at bay and offer, “you can call me kid. when my father,” his adoptive father, “first brought me home to thirteen, i refused to speak for a month or so, and so everyone just called me kid.” he explains, taking off his shoes and setting them by the fire to dry, having to occupy himself with something while she’s changing.

once she’s seated again, billy’s eyes find hers and he offers her another smile, ignoring the scowl that she’s in turn offering him. if he keeps being kind, maybe she’ll eventually warm up to him. maybe she won’t hate him. “alright, let me see these scratches.” he washes his hands and wipes them on the cloth that he’d used to dry her feet before laying them on her skin, standing up to inspect the cuts on her shoulder first. “oh, wow.” a gasp escapes him when his eyes fall on the purple spots and scratches, pink lines running in different directions, surely causing her a lot of discomfort. some a little deeper than others, some a little swollen and tender. it doesn’t look bad, but it doesn’t look good either. “it might sting a bit,” he warns, wringing out the soaked cloth and carefully pressing it to her wounds, dabbing them clean, the fabric turning pink. he pauses, brushes her curls out of the way and continues his ministrations, rinsing the cloth and pressing it other skin again until there’s no more dirt sticking to it. 

“i did have a dolly, her hair was made out of yarn cause of course there wasn’t any means for a real doll even if we wanted one. it was one of the things that got left behind when our covey got pushed out of our last home by peacekeepers. all i have left of childhood toys is my mama’s bear she made for me, over yonder. sittin’ on the bed with a missin’ arm. reva blue the rainbow bear, or probably should be rainy bear now since she must not feel so fun anymore with no arm.” lucy gray frowns, “reva blue is her birth name, though. reva means rain and blue because rainbows start in bluer skies after the rain.” giving a little explanation, the bear is light brown with quilted rainbow ruffles sewed into her waist with a purple heart sewn onto her left foot, a yellow heart sewn into her right foot. her rainbow skirt is in better shape than hers, even if she’s took some wear and tear of her own with that missing arm. lucy gray thinks how she feels a lot like that bear, still trying to be colorful in these conditions because that’s the type of person she was born by heart as — staying relentlessly optimistic, but slowly officially losing her light. wearing her rainbow but becoming torn apart. “nice knowin’ how terribly biased an’ judgmental she is.” really— she’s shocked why coriolanus was even enamored by her for a few seconds. or how. since, she would figure he’s exactly like his grandma’am. thinks anyone other than capitol is the only worthy people in his mind. her mind is puzzled he could find anything attractive about her at all, since she feels like she should have been horribly ugly to him. how could he fake starry eyes and exchange kisses with her if he thought she was gross? but she should have been gross to him so her mind is burning trying to understand him even more. “of course. but one passed when i was younger and then the other i had that was livin’…i’m not sure anymore. we moved so often, but mamaw couldn’t just pick up and leave, so she stayed. i’m not sure if she somehow still might be there or she got rooted out too. or somethin’ else.” she could have died by now, that was a few years ago now. either way, the loss of so many family members weighs down heavily never knowing their fates. “well, that’s how people get you vulnerable. they pretend to fix things an’ be nice, but they can have killer motives behind it all.” lucy gray points out, placing the knife down on the bed while other hand is pulling loose the strings on her corset. “that’s interestin’.” thinking out loud, meaning his new name. william henry bonney. opening the door on the closet filled with pans and other miscellaneous things, she uses it as a cover. tugging the corset off, her long sleeve and then the ruffly multi colored skirt— throwing each of the pieces onto the bed. her hands dip down in her bag and pull out a soft lavender colored skirt and a white long sleeve with floral and butterflies on the front of the collar where it ties in the front and a tiny bow hangs down. wobbly legs step into the light purple skirt, feeling dangerously lightheaded before tugging on the shirt. closing the closet door back, she leaves her arms hanging out of the shirt, sleeves loosely hanging at her sides.

billy… brows creased at the familiarity. did he or dr gaul purposely choose the name billy to be even more twisted? she’s staring over at him like he fully offended her alone just by his name: billy. of course he offends her, because he must have remembered billy taupe. “there’s a scrape on my shoulder from tree limbs getting a hold of me takin’ it’s time healin’. and then there’s one like it on my leg, from scrapin’ it on a rock.” reluctantly sitting back down in front of him with that same scowl still on her face as she keeps dwelling on this name billy, there are scatters of bruises and cuts on her shoulders now that they’re bare not just the one she’s sugar coating on her left shoulder just because it’s a little more significantly different in size. the biggest though, is on on the inside of her upper leg where her knees meet. the second one that’s actually getting potential to set up for infection. moving her skirt until it’s bunched up in her lap, revealing the icky red scrape on her left leg starting above her knee and ending somewhere down the inner part of her upper leg.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Isekai Reader, was possessed by Martha to talk to her son Bruce but as soon as Martha touch Reader, a liquid substance came out of Reader mouth taking in the form of Martha from head to upper body while looking completely possessed like that is not normal possession..

Alfred, giving them a wipe: are you alright?

Isekai Reader: no the lady came out of my fucking mouth, I never thought I would've been traumatized even more but here we are

Isekai reader: she said she will borrow my body and I thought it was a normal possession! Have I known that would happen I wouldn't be able to refuse either way...

Alfred, raise a brow: and why is that?

Isekai reader, on the verge of tears: she might cry and she was so nice

Meanwhile

Bruce: mama... *was too preoccupied to the sight of his mother that he didn't notice*

His kids on the other hand..

Dick: I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight

Duke: I am a bit concerned-

Jason: that was... a bit disturbing..

Cassandra:.... ew..

Damian, looks unfaze on the outside but is disturb on the inside: so that is what grandma sounds like

Tim: ....*sips the remnants of his coffee*

Stephanie: why did I chose to come and visit today?

Barbara, watched through a computer: did their throat hurt?

Isekai Reader: can I please get an ice cream and be left alone to sulk?

Isekai! Reader/you: *crying while holding their big ass plushie* I fucking hate ghost possession, why can’t it be the boring kind of possession!

Dick: *pats their back* there there.

Jason: *brings them a blanket and drapes it over their shoulders* first time for everything.

Duke: *bringing them a tube of ice cream* everything will be fine…hopefully.

Damian: I’m not good with comforting others. *brings out Titus who makes himself comfortable on isekai! Reader’s lap*

Cassandra: I wish I could say it won’t happen again…but it will and hopefully we won’t all be traumatised…again.

Stephanie: how does watching some videos of these doofuses falling sound? *gets her phone out and starts showing funny videos of everyone -except Dick- falling on their asses*

Isekai! Reader/you: you’re all shit at comforting people but I’ll take what I can get from a family of emotionally stunted vigilantes.

…

Damian: isn’t ghostly possession an agreement on both sides?

Isekai! Reader/ you: not exactly in most cases but with your grandmother, yes.

Damian: you didn’t reject her.

Isekai! Reader/you: she’s too lovely of a woman to reject as after every possession she feels bad and I have to tell her it’s okay.

*flashback to after Martha possessed reader to talk to Bruce*

Isekai!reader/ you: *on the floor, holding your knees to your chest as you stare blankly into the distance*

Martha: I’m sorry! I didn’t think it would happen like that! I thought I would just take over your body and not like that!

Isekai! Reader/ you: it’s okay…I’m fine really just…just a little traumatised and am never going to trust any ghost possession scenes ever again cuz that was utter bullshit.

*back to Damian and isekai! Reader/you*

Damian: …we shall speak of this no longer.

Isekai! Reader/you: for once I agree with you demon spawn.

..

Isekai! Reader/ you: *petting Titus and Ace while Alfred the cat sat on your lap* this is nice.

*Terry the turkey walks past you, stops and looks at you*🦃

Isekai! Reader/you: *blinks* hi

Terry the turkey: 🦃 *walks off*

Isekai! Reader: you: fucking rich people and their weird ass animals.

[00000000point00000000]

so i got like 150 cals too much today (shoulve been 300) bc i was travelling for like 6 hours and my day was PACKED.

had 2 eggs for breakfast and fried them in water which, lets be real, doesnt fucking work. visited my family and had a salad with cranberries, lenses, quinoa and a little bit of feta for lunch while spending some time with the reason i have an eating disorder (my mum) and drinking her beloved detox tea.

had a huge anxiety attack when i got home (note to self, dont drink coffee) and ate some of the food (broccoli and tortellini) my boyfriend made. i dont feel really bad about it bc i probably burned it off today anyways and will cut the amount of calories from tomorrow too. still stings a little thoooo. im proud of myself for just eating a little bit and not giving into the urge of shoving the whole pot down my troath🥰

anddd i told my boyfriend yesterday that i kind of relapsed and he was so understanding. i know hes worried but i also know he realized it before i told him, so its better to be honest right away ig. he promised not to force me to eat but im not sure how this will play out when it gets really bad again. it still feels right, at least i dont have to lie to him now.

my body is getting used to not eating as much i think, which makes it easier to get shit done. so thats great! but lets be fr, relapsing is so scary. especially when your logical side and your sick side are like two different people. bc there is a voice in my head that says "wtf are you doing to yourself". its just not loud enough.

if you hear that voice, try to listen. reach out, recover, get your life back. coming from me thats pathetic, i know, but i genuinely wouldnt wish this shit on my worst enemy and im so fucking sorry for everyone who has to live like this.

anyways, enough food for thought🥰

i had a glass of white wine with my friend. idk i just feel like drinking is such a waste of calories, i hate that a beer is 250-300. like??! but im not 16 anymore so theres no way im drinking vodka on an empty stomach😭

feeling: tipsy🤪

[crepesuzette2023]

Thank you for the tag, @pauls1967moustache! My heart is in my fiction, and I'm happy to talk about a bit. <3

How many works do you have on ao3?

15! All within the Beatles fandom (various pairings, but with a focus on J/P).

What’s your total word count?

95,825.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In John's Lap (early days mclennon), play me one of yours (early days, Jim POV on J/P), Brian Manages (Sole Direction) (1968; Brian lives AU/Fix it, mclennon from Brian POV), Serenade in Paul (PWP mclennon), I was the dream weaver (1968/1969 breakup, angst; John POV)

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I do. I deeply appreciate it when people take the time to let me know their thoughts, or simply that they liked my story—and replying feels like completing a handshake.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Probably I was the dream weaver—there is some hope in the end, but it's a small flame in a dark night. But the love is there.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

I think Brian Manages, which is only appropriate, since it's a Secret Santa gift (2023). Yes, the story is about saving Lennon/McCartney, but it's mainly about Brian, and it was important to me to give him a happy ending as well.

Do you write crossovers?

Not yet, but I would love to one day! I can't think of any, though...

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not yet.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do write smut, and I think I tend to write smut with feelings. No specific kinks yet, except...Paul's leg fur and body hair. And his entire spritely gestalt.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware. Brrr.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not that I'm aware.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, twice, with @ohjohnnysblog. Thank you, OJ, for holding my hand during my very first fic, Storage Space, and for coming back for Serenade in Paul!

What's your all-time favourite ship?

I'm probably mainly a John/Paul fan, but I have a soft spot for Paul/Mal, and actually enjoy Paul/ any male Beatles-adjacent character, or Paul in a threesome...

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I am determined—*determined!*—to finish my story about Old Man Paul releasing his mclennon dreams/memories on the world. I'm also determined to write a long Woodland Sprite Paul AU. One day.

What are your writing strengths?

I swear I'm not fishing for compliments, but I honestly can't say. I don't hate my writing, I'm just reluctant to analyze myself that way, you know. But if I had to pick one: I think I have the ability to remember, out of all the Beatles stuff I read and saw and thought about, the right detail at the right time while writing. Not as in listing facts, but as in: this would fit nicely here.

What are your writing weaknesses?

English isn't my first language, which in the context of Beatles fic means I'm not your best choice if you're looking for realistic Liverpool dialogue to leap off the page. I wish I had Paul's talent for mimicry...!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

People can do what they want, but if there's entire pages in a language I can't read, and no footnotes to help me, the story isn't for me. Individual words and phrases are a different thing, of course.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

This one! Beatles! McLennon! Paul, you were my first, and I was your billionth!

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Breaking news, I think I might try my hand at Peaky Blinders at some point...

What's your favourite fic you've written?

Similar to you, Mo, I love all of mine equally, but I have special love in my heart for the fic that lifted me out of a spell of the writing horrors this fall: Johnny Gentle and His Group, about the Silver Beetles' 1960 Scottish Tour. And, of course, Hurricaneville: leg combing McLennon in 1961!

Tagging, if you’d like @eveepe, @revollver, @m1ssunderstanding, @unchaineddaisychain , @therealsaintscully and @scurator!

[wewillbeseen-butnotbeheard]

Have you considered the term transspecies? What you're describing sounds really similar to a transgender person who hates their birth gender and would die if it meant being reborn "correctly", but won't accept being transgender because that means they'll never be cis. There are people who can't transition genders due to circumstance, but they're still trans. Most people don't feel so strongly negative about their gender or species. Acknowledging that you're human but you'd do anything not to be feels very trans-coded, just in a species way

actually; yes. but i think it opens up an interesting discussion over the politics of it and it’s also kind of complicated

the label “trans-species” has probably called to me for a while. i felt something like that could be right. even in the past, the thought has definitely crossed my mind, and the only reason i’m not “transspecies” is because it’s not exactly “something you can do” PHYSICALLY in real life.

on the other hand, i don’t know if it’s exactly “okay” to use terms like that. i don’t want to belittle or diminish the experiences/struggles that actual trans people have and i don’t want to come off as being ignorant or offensive

on a slightly similar note, i would assume the bar for “being” that sort of thing is a little more than just suffering with species dysphoria and wishing your body was something else. of course, if we instead were talking about being transgender, then it would probably be very much “enough”. i suppose that the two things are similar to each other, but as far as i can tell, they’re still vastly different facets of one’s identity that aren’t entirely identical; especially regarding what i just said. is that right? or am i missing something. yeah

[icewindandboringhorror]

On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

[nonranghaes]

heads up: bad body image bullshit. struggles. vent fic.

seungcheol's arms are like home as they wrap around you, his lips pressing against the side of your head. even when you swear you're beyond calming, something about his cologne is enough to make you feel safer. he just holds you as you babble endlessly about the flaws you see in the mirror every time you see yourself. the things your own family picked on you for, and then backtracked with saying you couldn't "take a joke" and they clearly meant nothing by it. joke or not, it stung deeply each and every time it happened.

even now, seungcheol sees the way you pull your sleeves over your hands. the way you try to make yourself look smaller in his embrace, hiding away every part of you as much as you can. you don't even realize you're doing it. seungcheol sees you as radiant, as gentle, as kind. to him, you're attractive in your own way: there isn't a word that fits just right. you're you, and that's what he loves the most. but he knows the scars you have hide underneath your skin and go deeper than he can ever soothe with a kiss.

"i love you," he says, rubbing circles into your back. "i'm sorry other people mde you think you're not enough." he presses another kiss against the side of your head. "it's okay," he coaxes you gently, "i've got you now."

you hiccup, burying your hot, wet face into his neck. one day, he knows you'll see what he sees. it'll take time, but he'll be with you every step of that journey if that's what you need.

"cheollie..." your voice is broken when you finally break through the sobs to speak. "love you..." you murmur, hands grabbing at the back of his shirt. "just... hold me for a little longer. if that's okay."

it's always okay. he snuggles in, holding you a little tighter. "whatever you need. you're perfect to me, okay?" he holds your sleeves over your hand, though, when he takes it in his own: his words aren't going to fix you, and if it makes you feel better to hide, he'll let you hide until you're ready to be seen again. and then he'll stand with you when that time comes, proudly showing you off as much as you're comfortable with.

[art-is-kayos]

Sight of a Star - Blue-ish Star Ryōshū and Don Quixote