#i just had words to say i guess
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About me >:)
(this was meant to be a pinned post but i just kept going at it, ill have to make another one thats short and sweet)
started playing animal jam in like 2016 when i was 11 so i didnt know what i was doing at the time. Throughout the years i have only occasionally played classic, spending most of my time being silly on play wild. Ive taken a few long breaks over the years and tbh i expect that pattern to continue, i cant stick with something for a long period of time.
I also played fer.al! i was lucky enough to get into the first wave of beta testing back in december of 2019, and i had a blast until I could no longer play because of tech issues a few months before the game shut down completely. I was also a moderator in their official discord for awhile which was a ton of fun, but they definitely shouldve chosen someone who wasnt 15 at the time of application… Anyway I dodged a major bullet because i was not a mod during the rise of cinder and downfall of fer.al (this was due to other tech issues that caused me to be inactive, i didnt do anything bad i promise!) however my friends that did have to experience that hell deserved so much better. I miss fer.al so much and I will forever cherish the memories i made ❤️. im not active in the community now unfortunately. (discord/apple really did a number on my online social life when they made the ios app age restricted to 17+ and ive had the same restrictions that ive had on my phone for the past 5 years AND my dad forgot the passoword so i cant fix it) Anywho, my name on discord and fer.al at that time was blueberry so let me know if we talked because id love to reconnect with people!
i wish that i could play emuferal (feral emulator) but it doesnt work on my old as dirt mac (because in the tech world a decade is forever which is a whole other issue) which is the same issue i had before og fer.al ended.
#fer.al#animal jam#jamblr#i just had words to say i guess#i do not support nfts by the way#felt like i had to add that due to the cinder connection#fer.al did have its issues i was more attatched to the community than the game by the end#i didnt play classic often because i thought the computer was boring as a child#my friend did play classic and when i started playing pw i didnt understand that the worths were diff#like she said that X item was rare so i bought it and advertized that i was trading a beta#i didnt get it#ALSO im 18 now. 19 in october#it’s actually my golden birthday this year which is neat#As much as i loved the opportunity#a 15 year old should not have been moderating an official discord server experienced or not
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//WARNING: meltdown, dissociation, spiraling//
I'm proud of you and all your accomplishments! Everything will be okay <3
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt comic#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt raph#rottmnt leo#rottmnt mikey#turtle tots#i feel like i had things i wanted to say while making this and now im just at a lost for words#stimming#autistic donnie#nonverbal donnie#until the end i guess oops#take care of yourself <3#tw meltdown#meltdown#cw meltdown#tw dissociation#dissasociation#cw dissociation#im going to sleep now lol#thank you for joining me on this journey
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girls who go 🧍
#(+ obligatory Fern Pout. i think it's the grumbly noise she makes that really sells it but i still had to draw it)#been thinking about this with melody for a while#& was inspired to throw fern in the mix when i saw her standing there like a telephone pole during her third exam#hunter x hunter#hxh#melody hxh#senritsu#sousou no frieren#fern frieren#(middle right is a manga panel redraw btw)#as much as i love dressing up melody in cute outfits & poses one thing i really love about her in canon is how a lot of the time#she's just kinda standing there in her signature potato sack dress#she wears dresses/feminine clothing but isn't really the “girly” type like bisky or palm#nor a Kickass Fight Girl™ but is still competent enough to participate in the plot#she values things like emotions music healing and protecting people without being “soft uwu Team Heart girl”#and not a mom/sister figure even with kacho or neon where she's in the position of protecting a younger girl#i know this word doesn't really mean anything but to my brain she's just *normal*#a depiction of femininity that i vibe with more than many others i guess#to some extent i feel that with fern too even if she's a bit more. well.#let's just say i spent two minutes in the fern tag and the amount of anime tiddies in there does not surprise me in the least
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amazing episode EASILY one of my most favorite battle episodes of all time. How Ever is it insane of me to wish it went Just a little bit worse than it did. for the plot
#needed more riz torment LOWKEY. IM JUST SAYING. PUTS HANDS UP#HE DIDNT HAVE TO SEE FIRSTHAND THE POSESSIONS? DIDNT GET ATTACKED BY BARON PERSONALLY?#i mean i love the way kristen and adaine had those clutch loves that saved riz while he was in jawbones room but STILL#and im also glad baron didnt die. HOWEVER#IDK. HELP.#i really hope its talked about more in the ap or next episode or something#can we hear the word aromantic said out loud PLS! PLS?#aro community is Unsure how to feel?#ann bangers#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#MOVES***** MOVES. MOVES. MOVES. I DONT HAVE AUTOCORRECT ON. FUCK I DIDNT CATCH IT EARLIER#yeah loves why not they all love each other it works i guess what tha hell
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Clone^2 - Separation Strikes
"Why do I have to go?" Damian asks, surly and accent-thick, it sounds more like a demand and a whine at the same time. Sitting on the kitchen table with his arms crossed, in a green t-shirt that Danny bought him at a whim when he was at a thrift shop, and black shorts, he's never looked more like a kid. There's a little backpack leaning against the table leg, Damian begrudgingly picked it out when they went shopping.
His English has grown in leaps and bounds since Danny found him -- er, or more accurately; since Damian was spat out in front of him. -- and very little did they have to use the translator on Danny's phone these days.
Which meant one thing: Damian can start attending school comfortably now. And 'go' was the Amity Smiles Child Care Center. Danny and Jazz went as kids until they were twelve, and Mom and Dad actually managed to convince the center director to let Damian enroll for the summer.
And it was summer; Damian starts today.
"Because," Danny says, trying and failing to hide the smile pulling on his face, his heart warm and soft, and also laughing at Damian's expense; "being cooped up in the house all day isn't good for you, and you're starting school in the Fall. And, in Jazz's words: you need to have interactions with other kids your age for the benefit of your social development. And besides, it's only for the morning."
Damian's nose scrunches up, and his eyes roll so violently that for a moment, Danny thinks about joking that he'll get his eyes stuck like that. He holds his tongue; his little brother already looks like he's five seconds away from committing an act of violence.
"I don't need social interaction." Damian sneers, his cheek in his hand; a neverend pool of pride. "I am--"
"The Blood of the Demon Heir, better than everyone else." Danny cuts off, waving his hand in dismissive circles, his voice mockingly deep. Damian's brown skin darkens in embarrassment, and he scowls at Danny. "I know, bud. But Jazz is right, -- don't tell her I said that, -- you should be around kids your age."
Especially when he starts First Grade in the Fall. Honestly -- Danny was a little nervous to send him to the center. Damian's long since cut the habit of trying to kill or otherwise maim people, his palms ache-burn with gentle reminder, but his tongue was as sharp and as cutting as his sword. He still struggles with trying to quell it when he's upset. Vicious child-weapon that he once was, and will never be again.
Danny knows that it comes from a place of fear and defense, that Damian lashes out because that's what he's been taught. That at the end of the day, he doesn't really mean what he says, and he's learning to express himself better. But the other kids don't know that, and kids can be unforgiving and cruel.
Danny just...
His slow beating heart sighs, melancholy settles behind his lungs.
He doesn't want Damian to be outcasted. He doesn't want him to be alone.
Not like he was.
Damian sneers again, but says nothing, his shoulders crawling up to hide his ears like a turtle receding into his shell. Danny watches him silently, leaning against the kitchen counter with his own arms crossed. The clock hanging on the wall ticks in their ears -- it's almost time to go.
He watches Damian, careful, and so he sees it when his little brother's stone-shell pride and petulance shudders, and cracks. The darkened furrow of Damian's brows weakens, and for a moment, slants back.
Ah, Danny thinks, his own shoulders slumping. Epiphany washes over him, and his sad-heart soothes in warm understanding. So that's what it is.
His head tilts, and his hair spills over his shoulders, messy and fluffy, tickling his neck. Some of his bangs fall into his face. "Hal 'ant easabiatan ya habibi?" He asks, voice low and soft. Just as Damian's English has improved, so has Danny's Arabic. He still stumbles over himself some days, and Damian says his accent is trash, but they can have whole conversations now in Damian's mothertongue.
(Danny was incredibly proud of himself for it.)
Damian's face darkens, his blush spreading across the rest of his face, and he ducks his head down. Grown-out curls, black-brown and springy, falls over his eyes. "La!" He yells, loud and indignant, and not at all convincingly. "La 'asheur bialtawaturi!"
He was nervous. Danny can see it now, in the hunch of his shoulders and the tightness of his face, and faintly, he can feel it too. In the ecto-rich air of the Fentonworks House, it thrums, barely-there, like a hummingbird behind his lungs.
Danny can't stop the little, fond smile that forces itself across his lips and upticks the corner of his mouth. "It's okay to be nervous, little brother." He says, he sounds like Jazz when he says that. He doesn't think she'll mind him borrowing the nickname.
He pushes himself off the counter, and Damian refuses to look at him, hiding behind his hair and in his shoulders. It takes three long strides for him to reach the table, and Danny turns, plants his hands on the ledge, and hoists himself up. Right next to Damian.
Damian leans into him easily when Danny's arm wraps around his shoulders and tucks him close to his heart. He can feel his ear against his ribs. Danny hunches over him, resting his chin on Damian's head. "It's so okay to be nervous, actually. I was nervous, Jazz was nervous." He tells him, scratching the blunt edge of his nails across his scalp. "Everyone gets nervous."
"'Ana last aljumiea." Damian mumbles, as small and feeble as he was the night on the OPS Center balcony, realizing that his mom and the League weren't coming for him. Realizing that he was replaceable.
Danny's half-working heart squeezes; in grief, in rage, and his faucet eyes sting. He breathes in carefully, and presses his nose into Damian's hair in a loving faux-kiss. "You're right, you're not everyone." He says, steady and strong, because if he's not a pillar for his family, who else is he?
He can feel Damian's eyes flick up to him, and Danny smiles into his black-brown curls. Tilts his head to squish his cheek against him instead, hand dropping to thumb below Damian's lashes. "You're Damian Fenton," Because the adoption went through a few weeks ago, and he's still riding that high, "You're my baby brother. O' Artist Extraordinaire, Kickass with a Sword, Vegetarian and Wonderful Co-Ghost Hunter."
Damian tries to stifle a smile, and fails. Score! Triumph gathers in Danny's gut, his smile grows wider. He squeezes Damian tight, and only releases him so he can look him in the eyes. "And if anyone gives you a hard time at school, and I mean anyone--"
Danny has bad memories of the teachers looking the other way when the other kids were bullying him, all because he was a Fenton.
And Danny, bleeding heart, bleeding hands, loves his family more than he will ever love himself, will never let Damian experience the same injustice. Not if he can help it.
His eyes narrow, and the buzzy-film of ectoplasm covers his eyes, making them glow, "--You tell me. And as your awesome great big brother-and-technically-dad-but-only-biologically, I will handle it."
Damian, wonderfully made, full of light, his little brother Damian, giggles weakly at him. A sound that's worth it's weight in gold. The scary eyes dissipate, and Danny matches the sound with a cock-eyed, impish grin, dragging Damian into a soul-crushing, too-tight hug. The kind that only annoying older brothers can give. "Got it?"
That gets a proper, if short, laugh out of Damian. He wriggles in Danny's arms, trying to break free. But Danny does calisthenics, his arms are as big as Damian's head, so it doesn't work. "Understood, now, daeni 'adhhab ya 'akhi!"
Danny laughs, loud and bright, and loosens his hold just a smidge, only so he can adjust his grip and hop off the table with Damian still in arm.
"Never!" He crows, hoisting Damian slightly. One eye flick at the clock, and in one quick move, he secures Damian under one arm like a football, and hooks his foot under the strap of his backpack. Kicking it up, he tosses it into the air and catches it with his free hand, and slings it over his shoulder. "Now, to the car, my boy! Before we're late and Mom and Dad get charged."
Damian groans, childish and dramatic and long, but his face is all squished up with a wide grin and glee. Danny can taste his joy beneath his tongue.
"And, if my little pep talk didn't encourage you," He says, reaching the door to the garage, flipping Damian up onto his hip instead. "If you have a good day today, I'll make you bal mithai when you get back."
Like all kids at the promise of sweets, Damian's eyes widen and glitter. Danny loves seeing Damian be a kid, it's his favorite thing in the world. "I will!"
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc au#dpxdc fic#dpxdc ficlet#clone^2#clone danny fenton#MAN I LOVE THIS AU SM#clone danny#danny fenton is a clone#i lomv. them :((( SO MUCH. I'VE MISSED WRITING THEM. i had this idea since talking to purple-goo-writes abt clone danny last week#they mean everything to me. they are the brothers ever. so family coded. don't ask me about the timeline here it doesnt exist#its post-danny's hands getting permanently fucked up and thats it lol.#parent danny is great but 'big brother danny' is SO fucking fun to write. he's silly and goofy and annoying in the way only siblings are#smth about writing danny being so full of love and kindness and protective compassion. bleeding heart that he is. its like doing cocaine#chaotic danny is SO fun and silly but kIND danny is. holy shit its better than getting high. altho ive never been high so i can only guess#there's just smth addictive in writing him being affectionate and loving and caring. he's heartful and heart full.#he's sweet - not like sugar - but like caramel. fulfilling and chewy. a kindness that gets stuck in your teeth and melts on your tongue#he's such an annoying older brother. i love him#bal mithai is a type of pakistani dessert btw. since Nanda Parbat is based off the mountain nanga parbat which is in pakistan. i figured#that the food damian had in the league might've been pakistani-based. or at least heavily pakistani in orign. maybe. i just didn't wanna#look up 'arabic desserts' and pick the first one off the list. felt inauthentic that way alsdh#translations since you wont get it through google translate:#1. 'are you nervous beloved?' 2. 'no! I am not nervous!' 3. 'I'm not everyone' 4. 'let me go brother!'#while i dont usually use 'little brother' or 'brother' as terms of endearments between siblings. Jazz canonically calls Danny that and#i figured if i worded it in a way that sounded natural. it would sound less soul-crushingly cringy. look as someone wit THREE siblings.#i know exactly how siblings interact with one another. but this felt like a special exception. they don't say it often
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I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wangxian#idk man- i just see a lot of “Lan Wangji has always been protecting Wei Wuxian” posts and its like...#I mean... Lan Wangji has always certainly been trying to protect Wei Wuxian#it took him a long time to figure how to successfully do that though#rereading the books rn and noticing theres a lot of instances that could be read as lwj being frustrated over his inability to protect wwx#like he seemed ready to cry when wwx went missing for a while and then came back with the cursed leg#lwj has always been great at protecting wwx from physical threats (ex: waterborn abyss) but had no idea how to protect him from himself#meanwhile wwx has always been instictually good at saving lwj from both#like I'm 100% lwj would've become like Jiang Cheng if wwx hadn't snapped him out of the blindly following authority thing#and also like... 15 y/o lwj wasnt happy with his life. he was lonely and stressed and literally signing up to be flogged whenever he goofed#wwx is who allowed lwj to grow up by showing him what it was like to actually be a kid (shown in story whenever lwj gets drunk)#he led lwj to having a more flexible mindset. and it both let lwj relax and set lwj up to be a better parent#looking into lwj's dynamic with the juniors- he lets them break a fuck ton of the petty rules and encourages them to question authority#he also teaches them to not be married to any one meathod of problem solving#wwx is also able to save lwj from his own stubbornness#ex: carrying lwj when he broke his leg. getting lwj to cough up bad blood. getting lwj to keep the rabbits#wwx also tends to give lwj the words he has trouble saying himself. helps him communicate#wwx also protects lwj in fights a lot but thats narratively less important#except the various times wwx puts himself in danger to help lwj. those times are what made it so lwj could never move on from wwx#like with the cave incident#or when wwx helped surpress the arm instead of using the chaos to escape cloud recesses#tldr i guess: i think this fandom tends to treat lwj being the best like its natural to him when really wwx accidentaly rewired his brain#I'm looking directly at fanfic writers who act like the Lans would've treated wwx better than the Jiangs#lwj had to do so much work and self reflection post meeting wwx to be the way he is. he is not the sole product of the Lan teachings
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i like my trad stuff more
#zeno's art#doodles#vocal synths#hatsune miku#ocs#metallic miracle#M1-RA#(that's an oc comic idea i've had on the back-burner for ages)#reassassination#octavia#apologies for the piss lighting but also some of these pages are just ivory#i really think my traditional stuff is better/“looser”. more personality idk#i want you guys to guess the censored word octavia is saying because it sure aint cool guy#also the huh girl is just a random character/warmup idk#nas and korn isiterally the best collab ever i love play me
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the kids released a new album
#ts4#simblr#ts4 edit#ts4 render#sims 4#myedits#AUverse#dhestyn#kelly#ok i actually have things to say about this#FIRST OF ALL this is not what i intended to make when i sat down & started working on the bandAU#i had this big elaborate thing planned & then i realized... i didn't wanna do it. at least. not right now lol#idk why i think everything i make needs to be so elaborate & involved bc it doesn't?? like where did i get that idea from?#i can just make something small & silly sometimes yk#n e way. this is like. one of the kids' albums i guess? my thought is that dhes wrote it/was in charge of it#that's why he's on the cover.#kel writes most of their albums (w help from the others ofc) but dhes really wanted to try writing one & this is what came of it#most of the titles don't actually mean anything. they're just like. random words i thought dhes would use lol#but the first 3 are references to the canonverse#also i originally wanted to have dhes shirtless bc 1. symbolism of like vulnerability?#but also 2. i thought the lighting would look pretty against his skin#BUT he has a death note tattoo right there between his shoulder blades & i just.......... could not take him seriously like that so#he had to keep his clothes on
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As part of a two-part reverse bang-bang, here's some more Valentines art to which @probablytoooldforthis wrote an amazing fic, Sweets for the Sweet! Please go check it out, I promise you won't regret it, and keep your eyes peeled for the second chapter - and artwork, of course - coming out on White Day aka the 14th of March!
Also, I this is an unrendered version, the finished version will be posted within about a week's time (hopefully) since I don't have access to digital drawing at the moment YuY
#this piece makes me so happy#and the fic even more so#i really wish i hadnt ended up on crunch time to even get this half finished version done but whoever said i was a responsible adult#whoever said i had time management skills#whoever said that was wrong#anyway THEYRE MAKING CHOCOLATES BECAUSE I COULDNT NOT#viktor is very concentrated UuU#also if any actual confectioners (is that the english word? idk) see this feel free to yell at me in the tags for everything thats wrong#my experience with making filled chocolates is extremely limited and very messy#so uh#this is probably not accurate#BUT THEYRE HAVING FUN AND THATS WHAT MATTERS#i like to think viktor has clips to keep his hair out of the way but he always somehow manages to lose them oh how sad how “unfortunate”#guess yuuri will just have to keep his hair up yet again how tragic YnY#also yuuri 100% knows viktors clips dont magically disappear but he cant get himself to say anything because does he really mind?#no#no he doesnt#not at all#he gets to lovingly brush viktors hair out of his eyes what in the world would he be complaining about?#yuri on ice#yuri on ice fanart#fanart#art#arom antix#arom antix art#katsuki yuuri#viktor nikiforov#viktuuri
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IZZIE TAYLOR & CASEY GARDNER
Atypical 3x07 “Shrinkage”
JACKIE TAYLOR & SHAUNA SHIPMAN
Yellowjackets 1x07 “No Compass”
+ bonus
#posting this for an audience of one (1) lol#the second i heard jackie say that i was having deja vu. it’s not just the words but the delivery of them. so similar#both scenes are so similar too. izzie and jackie confronting their best friends because casey and shauna have been avoiding them. so the#line about feeling crazy is the same reason for both of them. missing their friend and feeling like they did something wrong. and of course#the cazzie scene ends with casey kissing izzie so there’s that :)#times like these i wish i had the patience to learn to gif. this will have to do#cazzie#jackieshauna#izzie taylor#casey gardner#jackie taylor#shauna shipman#atypical#yellowjackets#jackie x shauna#casey x izzie#shauna x jackie#*#okay wtf izzie and jackie have the same last name#i know it’s not like an uncommon surname but still eerie#this has been in my drafts for over a month. kept second guessing the alt text.. i hope it’s okay#i could not figure out how to describe casey and shauna’s expressions. settled for a cop out i think
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Besties give me a diplomatic phrasing to communicate "if I leave for the evening and tell you roughly when I'll be back and text 20 minutes before I'm home on your request, please be done having screaming sex by the time I'm home"
#this is the third time i've walked in and like#ok to be fair i said before they got married that i wouldn't be uncomfortable if they're not uncomfy with me hearing#but i feel like that's a fair boundary to change#esp given. the screaming#i just need the words to say that a) minimize awkwardness#b) avoid the implication that i'm trying to curtail their sex life#i'm happy for them to have sex! that isn't audible from the front porch!!!#i guess the other part that feels weird is the whole point of spending nights away is so they can be comfortable having sex#without me around#which is a huge drain on my energy and sleep and time management and heck even gas budget#but if they're totally fine having sex when i'm out of the house for an hour as on book club night?#and if they wait til i'm on my way home after being gone for 4 hours?#why am i doing that??#i'm SORRY i'm talking so much about my roommates having sex#it's very present in my life#just be glad you follow me now and not 6 years ago when i lived with julie and she picked up trevis on tinder#and had him over across the hall from poor little fresh out of evangelical college me#(yes trevis. pronounced like crevice. or trellis.)
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lover, don't touch me // leave, i am a danger to you // but ooh, i hunger for you
#this is leona's vampire lover audra#i guess you could say the first time they met was when audra nearly killed her in a blood lust because she hadnt fed in so long#idk how to describe it well but audra suddenly stopped devouring her when leona looked at her with no fear in her eyes#but looked at audra like she was something to worship#she whispered that audra was so beautiful even as her own blood was splattered between them and staining her lips#leona had never seen someone or something so perfect and powerful#power that she wanted and knew exactly how to get when audra whimpered over the slightest bit of praise#i never talk about them but i am CONSTANTLY thinking about them <3#some fun little facts is leona killed her husband in cold blood because he was pitiful and boring#she married the first person to show any interest in her just to get away from her family#he would have been a perfectly good husband for anyone else#but the best part of their marriage was when she stabbed him in the stomach 47 times and felt his blood splatter against her skin#for audra OBVIOUSLY had to make another oc who would do anything to be loved even if it means destroying herself#audra was turned very suddenly and without any guidance#she murdered her lover without even realizing it she opened her eyes to find them splattered across every surface of the room#because of that shes done everything she can to protect herself from others even if it means starving herself of blood#until she goes into a frenzy#leona is the first person she has ever willingly fed off of#idk if willingly is the right word since leona practically begs her to do it#i really want to remake leona now.........#i like how leona looks but i want her to match audra better#mysims#the sims 4#simblr#sims 4 screenshots#sims 4 cas#ts4 cas#sims 4 edit#ts4
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i think its bobs parents fault for his, johnny, and dally's deaths. not darry's, or pony's, or even bob
his parents never told him no or disciplined him, which was why he was drunk out of his mind that night (the park when he drowned pony). he wanted (needed) for someone to tell him no, set limits, etc. him being intoxicated directly led to his death, later johnny and dally would follow; if his parents told him no/disciplined him, he wouldn't have gotten drunk that night and could've prevented his and the other two deaths
reminder this is just my opinion, though. although i'm literally putting the blame on someone in this post, it's everyone's fault. everyone had a part in it
#sorry if i worded this bad#not defending bob bc he obv had a major part in it#but then again everyone did#which just ties back to my point abt it being everyone's fault#the outsiders#bob sheldon#i hate the name bob so much#i know his name is robert but nobody's gonna know who i'm talking about#everyone's fault but also no one's fault#sorry if this is confusing i'm saying like two contradicting things at once help#i guess like: if i WERE to put the blame on someone id put it on bobs parents
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can you remember being born? were you born at all
#my art#kuron vld#vld kuron#vld#this is sorta a companiom piece to the haggar one i posted recently#also. just now realising the perfect timing of posting that drawing on MOTHERS DAY of all possible days#i swear i didnt plan that. didnt even cross ny mind?? but its neat ig#this drawing is pretty simple but i really like how it turned out!!!#it was meant to evoke those infographics of human fetus development#its wrong. there should be middle stages between a fetus and a fully grown adult man. but theres nothing there.#like. he had no childhood or anything. he just woke up as a full ass guy. theres no middle point between a mindless clump of cells and him.#no infant. no child. no teenager. just kuron.#this is wrong and unnatural and it shouldnt have happened but it did#the part of him that looks the most alive is the bloody arm. his life depends on it. hes nothing without it.#sigh. i have so much to say abt this piece and i feel like its pretty barebones and simple tbh#but i still cant put into words what i mean!!!!! i am trying and failing!!! argghhhhhhhhg. whateverr#i have THOUGHTS about this but a weird ramble is all youre gonna get folks. maybe one day il write a small coherent analysis of this thing#he will never escape haggar. he was not meant to. hes asleep and clueless and hell never wake up#he wont ever become more than what was planned for him. and he doesnt even know#blood#gore#i guess. not really gore. more like viscera and flesh?#kuronposting
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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thinking about love in danger days
this is part of my conspiracy theory that that album is aroallo, but i've always gotten the sense that romance and romantic attatchment is much less important to danger days than any other mcr record. with bullets&revenge it's quite obvious as the demolition lovers take up like, everything, and the black parade has a heavy focus on a romantic relationship as well.
while i do think there are lines in it that are romantically coded, there is a definitive lack of emphasis on it- like it's nowhere in the plot at all.
i do think danger days represents a very familial type of love though. while other albums visit a sense of "i want you, i need you, i miss you, i hate you,", this is more like…"i love you, i want to protect you, i'm sorry"
i find this especially strongly in s/c/a/r/e/c/r/o/w:
"Nevermind about the shape i'm in, I'll keep you safe tonight"
"love, love, love won't stop this bomb"
"run, run, bunny, run"
and other songs:
"i'll find you when the sun goes black"
"just save yourself and i'll hold them back tonight"
"how long until we find our way in the dark and out of harm"
relevant things i can't cover with just quotes are planetary go, oft-theorized to be about party poison and kobra kid, as brothers, leaving battery city together; sing, about the killjoys' last message to the girl while saving her; goodnite dr. death, phrased as him saying goodnight to children; and summertime, which i can't discern the meaning of but seems more like a family type of love.
i think it makes sense that danger days is like this, seeing as it features main characters that take care of a child main character as opposed to main characters that love other main characters of the same age/ability.
another thing i noticed while re-listening to the more sentimental songs for this essay is that there's just a distinctly different vibe to it. So much of it is focused around wanting to protect people, keep them safe and out of danger (<- ha that's the name of the album) and loved. i think this also makes sense, because the killjoys live a very, well, dangerous life without much security, and they'd want to provide what they lack the most. another semi-related thing i noticed is just how much of an emphasis there is on childhood in this album. i feel like there's a vibe of youth or teen-hood throughout the earlier ones, but this is just VERY strongly about kids. again this makes sense cause not only are the killjoys teenagers (a type of kid!) they also have a proper little kid to watch.
also, i wonder how much of this stuff was due to gerard becoming a parent. just something to think about
#mcr#my chemical romance#danger days#ddttlotfk#danger days: the true lives of the fabulous killjoys#barely on topic but i hate how everyone always brings up the different greek words for love whenever they talk about different kinds of lov#I DONT CARE ABOUT EROS AND PHILIOS OR WHATEVER!! its actually okay to use adjectives to describe nouns. its okay. you dont need to use more#at any rate im not USING the damn greek love paradigm i see no reason to be chained to its definitions#ppl will be like errhmmm (nerd emoji) (pointing emoji) did you know that the greeks actually had different words for brotherly godly and ro#erhm yes i did know that.#sometimes i feel like danger days feels more energetic and youthful. less serious than the more emo other albums even though i acknowledge#but in some ways i also think it's a lot more mature#like the black parade is a serious mature story but it feels very young adult/teenager vibes. danger days is so strange because it feels si#i guess that makes sense cause the killjoys are teenagers (apparently) but also sort of parents of the girl#i think they have similar conclusions of acceptance and letting go#they just feel so distinctly different#i feel like this is kinda incoherent but i dont care about the thesis enough to edit it#okay since i wrote that tag i have since edited this the autism won#i have to resist the urge to say “stick that in your skillet and let it simmer” (the thing that stoner otter says in acnh) every time i say#i was writing in my notebook earlier and dropped a metaphorical bomb about the black parade and then i feel like i didnt have anything to s#it was so hard not to write that there😭😭
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