#but i still cant put into words what i mean!!!!! i am trying and failing!!! argghhhhhhhhg. whateverr

[im-smart-i-swear]

can you remember being born? were you born at all

[nmakii]

maki i beg you to write rin and s/o that also has sibling issues.. like not the "oh my sibling also left me lolol" issues like.. they're always gonna be in their sibling's shadow no matter what they do.. and their sibling absolutely hates their guts.. please..

I THINK I’VE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE

— rin itoshi x reader with sibling issues

on behalf of older siblings, i side with sae :x

— rin itoshi

rins having one of those moments where he’s rethinking everything,,, like, he starts rethinking all about the times he’s been harsh to you. lowk start feeling bad :x

he’d try to be nicer. keyword: try. if you’re doing something braindead stupid, hes still gonna call you out hahaha

he’ll be more encouraging—ish… whenever you’re half-assing something (like example studies…), he wont be as harsh as he is with like bachira and the top 3… he’d go like “cmon… you know how to solve this. …do you need a hint..?”

and if on the very un-rare occasion, you do something that pisses him off, he would… do nothing! i know, shocking. he lobs u after all <3

this is only like… 1/4 because he feels bad for you and how your family’s treated you, and 3/4 because he wants to become the person he wanted sae to be.

hehe its actually pretty healing for the both of you. sometimes if the atmosphere is light and kind enough, you might even get him to smile a little bit :x <3

12:45. and you and rin were still up, studying for your math exam tomorrow.

“ugh..! i cant do it, rin. i don’t get it! y’know what? ill just fail..!” you frown, head in your hands. rin sighs. he really wanted to go to sleep, but he promised you that he’d help you prepare, and he has to follow through.

“d—ugh… dont be negative. i know you’ll be able to pass.” he pats you on the head. “do you wanna… review the concepts one more time, and solve one more problem before bed? i can help you study one more time in the library, okay?” he offered.

“mm… i need a breakkk..!” you groan. a break would mean having to stay up later… “i… fine… i need a break too…” rin groans. “..! what the hell does that mean..?!” you lash out at him, face pouty with a frown.

“…im joking. but, i am getting tired…” he says. he takes note of your guilty face. “i… sorry for keeping you up, rin… after this, you can sleep…”

fuck.

that face was making him feel guilty. “i didn’t mean it like that. im just saying its late, and you need to sleep early if you want your brain functioning.” he rested his hand on your shoulder. “cmon, let’s take a five-minute break and get back to this. okay?”

you nodded.

1:36. you were finally done, and much more confident than you were an hour ago. “yes, i got it!” you cheered. rin’s lips curled up at your enthusiasm. “it’s late now. get plenty of rest, okay? don’t panic, and just do your best.” he says.

you look at him like a child at their new pet; full of adoration and affection. you quickly ambush him with a tight hug, causing rin to wheeze out, the air in his lungs being kicked out in an instant. “ack..! ghh..! l..let me go…” rin heaves.

eventually, you do let go, choosing to move to a looser hug around his neck. “thank you, rin…” you smile. something in your gratitude stirs rin’s heart. as if the past was gone, and all that was left was the future.

“i..it’s no problem, okay? just go rest already, you need sleep…” his words and body language conflicting; his words pushing you away, and his hands pulling you closer as his lips find the crown of your head. he reluctantly lets you go sooner or later and helps you to clean up the various papers and textbooks.

as rin puts away his belongings, you cuddle up with him. “my favorite private tutor…” you snicker. rin rolls his eyes. “private tutor? that implies im getting paid to do this for you…” he frowns. “what?! my payment is my love for you..! isn’t that enough..?!” you argue back.

rin tried to hide the laugh that comes from his throat, but it’s quite obvious from the smile on his face. “…fine, i guess so. but, a little more loving wouldn’t hurt either.”

[yeondollie]

ʟᴀᴅʏ ᴋɪʟʟᴇʀ ♡ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

'if i wan' her, imma steal her.' .ᐟ

. . paring ; huening kai x fem! reader

. . warnings ; ғʟᴜғғ .ᐟ, they are so cringe but cute i cant hehe :>, nicknames (my love and pretty girl), kissing, swearing, beach setting, i thinkk thats it this is just really cute hehe :p

. . words ; 0.7k

a/n ; i was going through my masterlist and i realized i have nothing for kai ahhh :< ! im so so so so so sorry ning but i started out with a fluff and i really think its cute. i wish it was longer but its one am and i am running on ariana grandes album hehe :p but if you guys like it maybeeee part two ? not proof read !

"kai put me down!" you laughed as he held you bridal style, inching closer and closer towards the sea. you weren't afraid of the ocean, you loved it in fact but you just knew how huening kai was. splashing water with him was on a whole differnt level.

he just laughed with that pretty smile of his while putting you down into the cold water, dunking your head underneath. while coming back up for a breather you felt his large hands wrap around your waist. you had to admit, it gave you butterflies no matter how many times he did it.

he made you feel so warm inside, you couldn't explain it no matter who asked. it was like you two couldn't be seperated. where you went, huening went. where kai went, you went. there was nothing stopping you guys from being the sappy couple you were.

whenever he would stare at you, like he was doing right now, you couldn't help but get nervous. is he looking at how pretty you are or slighty judging you? lucky for you, he was admiring how breathtaking you are. everytime without fail, you'd catch him smiling with those pretty eyes when staring at you.

"what is there something on my face?" you asked, smirking slightly.

he raised his eyebrows, a smile accompaning it soon after. "yeah actually.. i think you have a bad case of beautiful pretty gorgeous amazing girlfriend fever." he says, placing a big kiss on your cheek. you giggled loudly and payed him back by placing more kisses all over his face.

"i think you might possibly have a bunch of lipstick stains on your face." you say, trying your best to rub them off. instead he gently pulled your hands away, wanting you to leave them on his face. "hey! i actually like when my girlfriend gives me love, keep them. please?" he says gently, placing your hands in his.

the two of you were still in the ocean, a beautiful sunset behind the both of you. it was so cheesy. a love story on the beach? yet kai made every corny second feel like a spark. there was no dull moment with him, and i mean ever. you were always smiling or laughing with him, you weren't even sure why.

"_____ you're the girl i wanna be with forever, you know that?"

god what was he doing to you? this feeling was weird. it was like you were crying but no part of you was sad. you were in everyway happy but you couldnt help the tears fallng down your already wet cheeks. "kai.." you say, wrapping your arms around his shoulder.

"why are you crying? did i.. sorry was that weird?" he took his large hands to wipe the tears away from your pretty face. instead of answering him you went up to kiss him. it was full of love, passion, and affection. his arms went back around your waist and yours stayed wrapped around his neck,

the longer the kiss went on, the more tears spilled from your eyes. when the two of you finally disconnected, you spoke through your shaky voice. "kai i.. i don't d-deserve you.."

his eyebrows furrowed and brought you closer to him. your head rested against his wet, cold chest but no it wasnt hold. not in the slightest. every touch with him was warm, even in this situation. "_____ i'm even lucky to know you but to hold you? kiss you? be yours? i've never been happier my love."

everything was perfect. the setting of course, the beach was gorgeous and the sunset made everything feel so romantic. the weather, it was warm and cozy for the time being. yet your favorite part? the boy.

huening kai made everything worth it. to see his big smile, to hear his goofy laugh, and to be his was your absolute favorite. "kai.. i-i."

"shh.. i got you pretty girl. i love you, more than myself. okay?" he said, holding your hands in his and whispering in your ears. your eyes shed their final tears and just let the words sink in. this was everything you could've wished for.

"forever?" you ask, smiling under your breath.

"duh."

[valentine-writes]

Can you do enemies to lovers with 1016 Miles?? :3

[ this will be my last req for this account, moving to my new blog officially once this one is up! catch me on @l0vem41l <3 reqs will be open there when i'm ready ＞︿＜ ]

overachiever

「 tws + notes: no tws, unedited, burnout, reader also attends visions academy, reader is trying so so hard to not be mean and fails (im so sorry), one-sided academic rivalry, author doesn't know how american schools work (i am so so sorry), comfort (?) 」

「 gn!reader, can be platonic or romantic <3」

↳ ft. miles morales (1610)

author's note: YES I CAN!!! however,, i put a lil twist on the prompt given and made it academic rivalry (i genuinely cant find a viable reason to beef w/ miles i am so sorry (-﹏-；) !!) anyways! hope this works with you!!! soz itz so short!!! :[[

"wow," your friend's eyes light up, scanning over your test results, "...you've gotta be like, the smartest person i know."

you laugh politely, smiling at them as they hand your paper back. "no, it's really not that big of a deal–"

"what do you mean 'not that big of a deal?! dude, you got 100% on a test most people failed." your friend shoves their paper in your face as evidence– a 57% in red on theirs. "that's like... the highest grade achievable. probably the highest in cla–"

"THIS GUY GOT A 101%!"

everyone turns to the voice– the loud kid who sat behind miles eyeing his test.

you blinked in disbelief. you didn't even know getting extra credit was possible on this one.

miles looked up at the faces of his staring peers faces filled with disbelief and slight annoyance, and fumbled to set his test face down on his desk. he flashed an awkward grin "uh... yeah?"

-

▸ you liked miles. he was friendly. sweet. genuine. you couldn't hate him if you wanted to. no, you didn't feel hate towards him. it was just... jealousy. simple, petty, burning jealousy.

▸ visions academy was something you had to work your ass off for, constantly studying just to stay on the level of the students who attended. NERDS. all of them were nerds. but you were attending this school too sooo,,,

and then there was miles. someone who barely even had to try to get the highest grades. he had you seething.

▸ the most humiliating part was the fact that he had little to no interest in competing with you at all. the few times you had spoken were awkward and curt on your end, and yes– it felt awful being so mean for something as small as personal resentment.

▸ nothing justified your one word responses or the accidental snark that would slip into those few words. you mentally kicked yourself for the times you watched his grin falter because of something you said, miles awkwardly trying to laugh off whatever cold remark you just shot at him.

he'd walk away, dejected, and you'd stand there for a moment– frozen as you fought the urge to run up to him and try to explain yourself or beg for forgiveness. it didn't make sense to at this point. maybe he'd just accept this was the way you were– the way things would be between you two.

▸ so yes, perhaps in your pursuit of favouring school over every other aspect of your life, your social skills were left rotting and underdeveloped. but you knew, deep down, it wasn't just you being awkward.

being around him made you feel small. talking to someone, radiating the aura of someone with a promise-filled future made you look completely directionless and clueless in comparison. the effort you put into your academics was almost repulsive to think about when miles could take a test with a blindfold on and probably still score 90s.

maybe it was the deep set fear that you'd never amount to anything if you didn't burn yourself out trying. all of a sudden, the academic validation of being good wasn't enough. not when you were one of the best once.

▸ you spent an absurd amount of time trying to avoid him, deliberately moving to the furthest corners of the library so he wouldn't see you there struggling to wrap your head around whatever you were being taught in physics.

heavens above forbid that he walk up to you, greeting you with that sunny smile and cheerful voice that could make anyone falter. you may have been jealous of him– but oh, how you hated that feeling that way when he nothing but well-meaning.

-

the last sip of your coffee– long cooled by now thanks thermodynamics– did nothing to make you feel less dead. you had lost track of the time you had spent practically decomposing in this library, studying for an upcoming physics test that had you reeling just by the mere thought of it.

you sighed, staring at the papers strewn on the desk. your hands fidgeted with the pencil in your hand, it's eraser and tip rendered flat and useless by now, as you tried to muster the energy to gather your things to leave. it was much too late. the library would be closed soon and you'd be forced to go back home to study at your own desk in your bedroom.

this was routine. go to school, study in the library until it gets dark, and go home to study more– the next day, you'd find yourself still awake and studying or with a headache, your cheek pressed to the desk, and drool on your notebook. yeah. your bed hasn't been used in a solid while. and science homework isn't exactly the comfiest pillow. but this is what you were used to.

standing up, you stretched out a bit– and immediately froze as a familiar voice called your name. you paused, reluctantly turning to the source of the voice.

"...god, morales–" you huffed, "you nearly scared me half to death."

this is the friendliest you've been towards him in a while, he notices, as you flash him a tiny, crooked smile on your tired face. all potential malice you could have held had been beaten out by your absolute lack of energy.

he approaches you and looks at your desk, considering what to say to fill the silent air. he places a hand on your shoulder, you stiffen–

"hey." miles flashes a grin, not his signature smile but,, somewhat of a forced smolder.

you stare and resist the urge to cringe, wondering if you were sleep deprived to the point of hallucinations. you gently brush his hand off your shoulder.

"...hi?" you respond, unsure of what to do.

miles is snapped out of whatever stupid trance he was in by your voice.

"oh– uh– yeah, hey," he repeats your name again, trying to recover from whatever that was, "is– is everything okay?"

"i could ask you the same thing."

he lets out a little chuckle. "you know what i mean. all... this." miles' hand gestures vaguely to your desk and current state of complete entropy. "how long have you been here?"

you avert your gaze, shame burning in your face. "i... don't know?"

a pause.

miles places a hand on your back this time, in an attempt of friendly comfort. geez, are they keeping you locked in here?" he quips, earning half of a dry laugh from you. "c'mon. you should probably get home and rest by now."

"but–" your lips part in protest, looking back up at him to argue– but he just looks back, concern filled in his dark doe-like eyes. all possibilities of fighting him on this were out the window.

"you need it." he insists, a gentle smile forming on his face. much better than the weird smoulder from earlier, you think. "i'll even walk you there."

before you can speak up, he moves away from you, beginning to help you gather up your things to pack up. you mumble a silent thank you to him, which he accepts happily with a nod.

as he hands over the papers, his eyes scan them. "oh! physics? i love physics."

"no shit, morales." you scoff, snatching up the papers from him and stuffing them in your bag. "it sure seems to love you."

yet again, you've managed to mess things up. you bite the inside of your cheek before you can say anything worse. a sigh escapes your lips, as you decide to at least try and save the interaction.

"look... i'm really sorry. it's been a rough day, i've been struggling to get the concepts down, i'm falling behind and feeling stupid as hell right now, and– to make everything worse, the fucking test is just stressing me out and i just– i just..." you trail off from your ramblings, a sob getting caught in your throat as your shaky hands grip your backpack.

"woah, woah, hey– it's okay."

he slowly puts an arm around your shoulder, careful not to startle you or make you uncomfortable. you don't even realize how you lean into him. "let's just get you home. you've done your best, yeah?"

you nod. he offers you a little smile.

"exactly. and that's enough. okay? you're doing more than you can handle right now." there's a few more shared words as he reassures you.

part of him wonders how long this had been going on– how long you had been working yourself until you broke– mainly because that test that was stressing you out was more than a week away. yeah. he'd need to convince you to watch after yourself more often.

-

"and now a silly one!!!" (more lighthearted hcs below for the aftermath of this becuz goodness me.)

▸ things definitely ease up around miles. if he can't convince you to step away from your work, he's chosen to be able to regulate it.

studying with him in a local cafe is now a frequent thing you two do together. miles always gives you time to work, but will then ever so subtly lure you into moving on from your work to hang out with him normally. and it works. every single time. you might start in the library or cafe, but where you'll be later? always a mystery.

whether it's a walk in the park, going back to his place to chat, or finding some random activity to do, you find yourself bonding with him more and more. your jealousy begins to fade, finding a friend in him instead of someone you have to one up.

▸ you both spontaneously decided to see a new horror movie once and accidentally got miles in trouble with his parents for coming home after curfew. and he'd 100% do it again in a heartbeat if you asked.

▸ no matter what you get on that next test, miles is going to congratulate you like it's the best he's ever seen. he's overjoyed to share your achievements, to celebrate them like no one in your life ever has.

miles holds up his test as you tell him your grade. "you got a 92? hey look– me too!"

a snarky voice speaks up, "well, i got a 98% so–"

"no one was talking to you." miles retorts.

you press a hand to your mouth and look away, trying to stifle laughter. was he always this sassy or did you just end up rubbing off on him?

▸ you both end up being extra studious for the next test (breaks included this time) and he's sure to be extra loud about congratulating you for your perfect 100%

maybe the sass wasn't all you,,, but the minor pettiness definitely is your influence. it's actually not. miles is pretty easygoing,, but man did he not like when that random ass kid gave you attitude.

you smile at miles, ensuring to do the same for him if not, a little louder

"what? 'm complimenting you." you tilt your head at miles' stunned expression.

for a moment, he stumbles over his words. "i know– you just– i didn't expect that from you, so–"

you laugh. "what? you want me to go back to being mean or something?"

miles laughs too. it's hard not to stare at the way he lights up a room like this.

▸ things feel lighter now. you've made social progress with others, you have a life beyond just school– and you have miles. part of you wonders if you'll ever be able to tell him just how much he means to you and how you wish you could've just been his friend from the start.

sometimes, in the corner of his eye, he catches your wistful stare. and though he doesn't utter a single word, you start to feel that he cherishes you just as much.

[basu-shokikita]

Kloktober 2024 Day 15

One Year after AOTD

Back with more Kloktober posting!

It’s been over a year since AOTD came out and I like to believe things got better for the boys after they helped saving the world, so…here’s something about that. 🌟

“Just ones more! Just ones!” Toki insisted with a smile.

“Dats what you said de last times.” Skwisgaar feigned exasperation, but he looked just as happy. 

“This time ams forreals.” Toki bit his bottom lip, glancing at Skwisgaar’s mouth. “Ams promise.”

Skwisgaar wrapped a hand around Toki’s waist, bringing him closer. “Dats so?”

Toki nodded, but he also probably would’ve nodded at anything by this point. 

“Comes here.” Skwisgaar whispered and they smooched each other loudly. 

“Wowee…” Toki was left in a daze once they broke it off. “Okays, just ones more!”

Skwisgaar cackled, lovingly looking into Toki’s eyes. “I thoughts you hads promiseds.”

Pursing his lips, Toki gave Skwisgaar a wet puppy look. “Buts…”

“Buts nothing you littol trickers…”

“Oh, Skwisgaar!” Tok whined, his expression turning miserable at once. He turned away, sadly. “You ams so means…”

“Eugh, I ams means?” Skwisgaar chuckled.

“Ja…” Toki was completely brat mode, pouting and frowning. “You ams means and donts lets Toki be happies…”

“I donts-” Skwisgaar repressed a laugh, though when Toki didn’t react, he grabbed him by the chin and turned his face towards him. “Heys, heys…”

Toki refused to meet his gaze. “Means Skwisgaar.” He mumbled.

“Comes on…” Skwisgaar was trying his best not to smile, failing considerably. “Tokes, looks at me…” When Toki finally did, Skwisgaar let out a soft chuckle. “Donts be sads…” Then, he leaned in and-

“Ye guys know we’re still here, right?” Pickles interrupted in disbelief., sitting several feet away from them on the couch. They were in the movie room.

With puckered lips, Skwisgaar and Toki turned to their bandmates. While Toki seemed mostly confused, Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow at them. “Ja, so?” To emphasize his indifference, he put an arm around Toki’s shoulder. 

“Well, don’t do that in front of usch!” Murderface complained.

“And why the fucks not?” Far from the spoiled attitude from earlier, Toki had switched to full aggressive mode. “You guys can do whatever you wants too!”

“Yeah, but…” Nathan intervened, visibly feeling awkward. “You guys are being so…r…romantic…” He said, like the word was hard to pronounce. 

“Nethans, you weres all over the Trinity girls back dens!” Skwisgaar said, grimacing. “Makings us witness yous slobber, eugh, disgustingks…” He shook his head in disgust. 

“Uh, her name was Trindle-”

“That’s what ye two are doin’ now!” Pickles pointed an accusatory finger. 

“Oh, whats? I didnts know I was cheatings on Skwisgaar and tryings to explodes him and kills mine self!” 

“Heugheugh, so you ams the hypers fans whats cants helps but wants more of mes?” Skwisgaar asked Toki, already over the discussion.

Toki smiled innocently, batting his eyelashes at Skwisgaar. “Wells, you knows…”

They started whispering sweet nothings to each other again, like the other 3 weren’t watching the whole exchange. 

“Ye know what, just play the next movie.” Pickles rolled his eyes.

Nathan grabbed the remote control, browsing through the Dethflix catalogue. “Uh, Whiplash?”

“Looks Skwisgaar!” Toki turned to the screen. “It ams dat ones roms and coms!”

“Whet?” Pickles squinted at the couple. “Dats nots-“

“Euh, I remembers dat!”

“Well, I don’t wanna watsch no schtupid romansche movie!” 

“It’s not a-”

“Yeah, we have enough of that right here.”

“Whats ams dat supposeds to means?”

“It’s not about t’at at all!” Pickles took the remote from Nathan and pressed the play button. “Just shaht up and watch it!” 

He felt proud when the whole band settled in quietly and watched the screen. Well, not for long because Skwisgaar and Toki resumed their chattering soon enough. Clicking his tongue, Pickles glanced at his phone to see the time, though the date distracted him. Why did it feel oddly familiar? 

Oh.

Pickles rested his back against the couch, overwhelmed by the sudden memory. A year ago they saved the world, almost losing their lives in the process. A year ago they survived the Metalocalypse while millions perished. A year ago their fans came to their rescue and, together, they could defeat Salacia. 

Somehow, it felt like an entire lifetime had gone ever since and Pickles would like very much for it to stay that way. He didn’t miss feeling responsible for everyone or having to fight constant panic attacks because the end of the world was coming. He just wanted to be Pickles.

It did have consequences on them, however. Nathan was definitely more considerate now and Murderface was opening up more rather than being defensive all the time. And Skwisgaar and Toki…well, whatever that was. 

In all seriousness, Pickles didn’t know what was weirder, that they defeated a gigantic whale that wanted to bring doom to Earth or that Toki and Skwisgaar were all over each other like a couple of teenagers experiencing love for the first time. He would’ve never imagined there would be a future where he’d miss their stupid fights. Well, they still argued, but it wasn’t the same knowing the reconciliation would have them sloppily making out on the kitchen’s counter or something equally off-putting.

Himself? He was fine. He still liked to do drugs and get drunk, they just weren’t his primary reason to live anymore. And that was a good thing, probably. 

“Murderface, don’t keep all the popcorn for yourself.” Nathan whispered, though it was loud enough that everyone heard it.

“I’m not!”

“Heys, I wants some popcorns too!” Toki complained, though he kept both arms wrapped around Skwisgaar. 

“Heugheugh,I gots some pops corns for yous down heres…” Skwisgaar offered.

There was some rustling and Toki gasped. “Haha! It really ams corns shapes!”

“And it shores ams gonna pops, heugh-”

They all groaned and Nathan took the remote back, turning up the volume and filling the atmosphere with the sound of drums. “Just try not to fuck while we’re in the room, okay?” He yelled over the racket.

“Whats?!” The guitarists asked in unison, their hands on their ears.

“I said don’t fuck in the room!”

Toki and Skwisgaar looked at each other, then back at Nathan. “Whats?!”

“I said-” Nathan was about to yell again but he changed his mind mid-sentence. “Nevermind.” Pickles snorted and Nathan turned towards him. “What?”

“Nothin’.” Pickles shook his head, trying to pay attention to the movie. 

He had a far more important reason to live now. 

[yippeeometer]

The Northeast states watching out for each other, but they're subtle about it. Like dropping off a cup of coffee, but if someone comments on it, they'll brush it off like it's no big deal

oh no its much worse.

the northeast but they're trying to be subtle and desperately failing bc they're all as dense and emotionally constipated as the other.

cut drops off coffee for york. york immediately assumes he's laced it with poison bc they are peak sibling core. they argue intensely, during which cut insists if he needed to kill york he would be MUCH more physical and he has not poisoned the coffee (he had laced it with sleeping pills bc 'the city that never sleeps' turns out not to be an exaggeration.

cut spends the next few hours complaining to new hammy about it. hammy's eye twitches the whole time as he recollects last week, when he did the exact same thing to cut and they had the exact same argument. ur honour they're not beating the 'exact same person in different shirts' allegations.

in fact, many of them can recite, word for word, the exact schpiel jersey goes through every time someone asks for ingredients from his garden. oh my god i hate you get a job why are you always mooching off me. what the fuck do you mean you'll go to a grocery you're taking things from my garden. ill bring them over myself. idiot.

there's just a silent agreement that there's no alcohol allowed at parties anymore bc after Pa's like 9th attempt at sobriety they all had a big think ab where the problems were stemming from and that was the best thing they could think up.

because i am a heavy believer in jewish ne supremacy there is a wonderful period between rosh hashannah and yom kippur when they're all putting in the best effort to be nice to each other which immediately dissolves the second they have to try and decide who gets to use the shofar. they may not be able to physically fight today, but trust the grudge will be remembered.

the level of PTSD and just general issues within that group must be so intense but because they are emotionally represed. they just. arent allowed to talk about it. someone could be having a full breakdown but u r a member of the northeast and you should just let ur heart break inside and never ever talk about it because it would be Awful and Wrong

however. what u can do. is watch sport together in silence. maybe you'll even say 'good game' at the end by be careful of that one because its basically a confession of ur endless fraternal support, wouldn't want to get too deep would we.

and ur only allowed to talk about ur problems through jokes. haha yeah i still see faces of war in my sleep. haha yeah i cant cope w the guilt anymore. hehe.

so to answer your ultimate question, the most pain you can experience is not even your own, but that of ur brother when he drowns and you are not allowed to save him. but anyway.

[luka-couffaine-ship-tournament]

Round 1 Side A - Pair 1

CAMPAIGN

Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng

-They‘re just so good for each other. Luka is such a calming presence in Marinette‘s chaotic life and helps her relax when she feels anxious and unsure of herself, always willing to be there for her and offer a helping hand during tough times. Marinette has a deep appreciation not only for Luka‘s ability to play music but also hear heart songs, as if she understood immediately what he meant after listening to him play for the first time. They feed off each other‘s creative energy and are just generally so wholesome together. I could talk about them forever, they make me so happy!!

-Luka is the best boy, and deserves love from the girl he adores

-I just woke up and am too lazy to think of words for my favorite couple so here's some gifs as propaganda

Gif de gifs-misc

Gif de bizarrelovesquare

Gif de notasiren21

Gif de ouiladybug

Gif de kochengnoir

Gif de jeldraximo14

Gif de notasiren21

Luka Couffaine/Sabrina Raincomprix

-Listen, Sabrina needs someone who treats her well, she needs someone who considers her an equal and someone to show her what real love is like. And I truly and honestly think that she would try her best to understand and appreciate Luka but who he really is (if she can see the good in Chloe she is capable of seeing a God when she meets one)

-Vote lukabrina people. We cant lose this!

-This is just unfair we need to help our girl out!

I'll start!

Item Number One: Viperhound Is S Tier

This is the fucking duo right here, this is endlessly clever and positive tag team action, this is a pair who will NOT fail the mission alright?

They are designed so interestingly parallel and then put right next to each other in this sweeping shot of the new miraculous squad???

Like, am I supposed to not assume something about it??

Item Number Two: opposites contrast

Orange and Blue, extremely Sun and Moon energy, but I don't think that would make this ship sail smoothly. See, Luka likes being a moon. He is happy to support and enjoys being someone's shining beacon in the endless dark of night, and no one needs that kind of anchor to hold onto more than Sabrina right now. Sabrina cut ties with her best and only friend and while we see her hanging out with other classmates just fine, we don't really know how she is with being actual friends with people. I don't think anyone has tries to reach out to her since evillustrator and we saw in that episode how she approaches new potential connections. Overwhelmingly cheerful and warm and oppressively clingy, like a ray of sunlight that won't leave your eyesight on the hottest day of the year. She means well but, boy, she can be a lot. And more importantly, she needs to be the one helping because, what kind of friend is she if she isn't? Who is she if she's not doing everything for everybody else? It would, amusingly and annoyingly and endearingly, put her into conflict with Luka, who is similarly always pushing his own problems aside to help people with theirs. This would lead them into a loving rivalry of "take care of yourself" "no u" that goes both ways, a back and forth that ends with them reluctantly letting the other help them. And after so many years as someone's shadow, Sabrina deserves to have someone in her orbit, someone she shines a light on when he needs to be seen.

Item Number Three: YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE

Look I'm SORRY okay, but I have to say this even tho I also think their ship got done dirty by the show, I still think they wouldn't have lasted. I think Marinette and Luka being "too easy" is exactly their problem, as even if they didn't have everything else to worry about Marinette needs complexity or she starts to lose her mind overthinking things and goes looking for it. The simple nature of her relationship with Luka is what 13 year old Marinette needed, the Marinette who wasn't Ladybug yet, who hadn't stood up to Chloe and maybe even just had her heart broken in a mean prank. It makes sense she'd fall in love with and gravitate towards this living embodiment of all the comfort and security she wished she had, she had desperately needed at that time. But that's just it, she needed it then. And now she can rely on herself a lot better, she has a whole support system to fall back on, and what she needs from a romantic partner is something else. But Sabrina? She's done horrible things in the name of her friendship with Chloe and even enjoyed some of them, but had finally hit her limit of how much abuse she can both dish out and take herself. Sabrina can definitely recognize that Luka is a good person, but more importantly Luka would have to actually try to sympathize with a person, rather than just immedietely like them. Lest we forget, Sabrina is the one who locked Juleka in the bathroom on picture day. Chloe told her to but Sabrina physically did it. Being confronted with someone who hurt his sister but is, herself, hurting, and is determined to help everyone but herself will be a lot of conflicting emotions for Luka, and Sabrina would need to get used to being the center of someone else's attention in a way not entirely dissimilar to how Chloe was for her, although significantly less codependent.

What makes Lukabrina interesting isn't that they're perfect for each other or that it's immedietly easy.

It's awkward and messy and they clash, they push each other out of their comfort zones and find a new one to settle in together.

It isn't instant or love at first sight, but by resolving their issues with each other through communication, honesty and trust, they are able to become a happy and wholesome couple.

Don't fucking tell me the odds lol, I know they're probably not winning but they deserve a fighting chance. So please feel free to add your own Lukabrina Viperhound propaganda!

TAG:

Luka/Marinette - @mikoriin

Luka - Twitter @Karma_sensei_

@lukacouffaineappreciation

[isadrora]

Alexs short story based on a Gomens fic!

Alexander Perry

Year 6

Class Mr Olewayo

English assignment 4: Creative writing

Write a piece of fiction including character, symbolism and metaphor.

Introduction:

Title: On the 7th Day

Intro explanation:

I wanted to write a story based on the story I wrote about for the assignment previous. That one I wrote about a piece of Fanfiction by a good writer irisbleufic which based on Good omens the characters and world. Getting their permission I am allowed to use that story to write what they inform me is “companion piece”. This will be from the point of view POV from the other main character in the story that is Aziraphale the angel. I am really going to try hard to use different types of language and speech in my story because I want it to do the originale proud. I will also be using spellcheck on Word much more carefully as Mr Olewayo wrote that I should to make my writing even better. I will also like to say my mum did help with Formulating sentences. I am not very good at making sentences sound correct (verbs nouns etc) but the ideas, dialogue, everything else is mine.

On the 7th Day

Monday

Places for everything: and everything in place.

Aziraphales View on Book keeping was much in keeping with his liking of human language because it had many sides. He thought that it was awful clever of human beings to make language as they did that it could mean so many things on such levels (although he likes to take some pride in the idea that he actually had large role in encourage the people along, the Tower of Babbel of course was an accident but he rather thinks a lucky one). Because he, Aziraphale, Bookseller, Soho gentleman, Angel of Heaven, former Guard of East gate of Eden, Traitor of the Great Plan … no wait where did THAT thought pop from?

Aziraphale pauses with a Book in hand and shakes head and goes back to his big thoughts. Ah yes, his View on Book Keeping (The capital letter of course was important. An angel didn’t have opinions or goodness forbid philosophies. A View showed a certain level of height).  Book keeping was not just what he did: he kept the books as he sorted out the taxes and the money runnings of his Shop. He is very good at this, so good the government is suspicious of him. On another level though he is a actual “keeper”: he keeps the books safe, is a guard of them just like he was in Eden and … his thoughts start to wander a bit then. It is after the Apocalypse that they (They! They! They! His heart starting to beat a bit here that he smooths down like he does the bowtie) stopped just in time. He remember now how good it was, the Park after, then the Ritz restaurant. He remember also jokes about his name that never leave him really (“Oh Azira-FAIL: another frivols miracle cant even ride a horse without some heaven help.”) But none of those jokes hurt so much now after… after all of it now. Aziraphale, who is Bookseller, Soho shopowner, Angel of… Heaven? He guesses?... Guard of … books? Traitor…

Oh BOTHER.

Aziraphale sighs.

He picks up the phone.

“Mm?” says Crowley.

If there is a more annoying way to answer a phone then Aziraphale hasn’t heard it yet. But at this point the annoyal is part of the affection (the angel part of him freezes up a bit at the word but the part that’s been growing under and thru it puts it on a shelf. A Bookshelf even)

He is pretty sure the rubbing off thing is supposed to be rude but he is also sure that Crowley isn’t as sure as he seems to be. He has once read the phrase “throwing things at a wall and hoping it sticks”. He doesn’t like modern terms but this strike him as a good one to keep for what Crowley does a lot.

What he does know when he hangs up, is that cury is on the menu. And that Crowleys plants will need some loving helps when he comes back over.

Tuesday

Messaging- Invitations and water bird care

The View that Aziraphale (still very much Bookshop owner and loyal Angel of… somewhere anyway) has about Tuesday was that it’s a day to take stock of the mail and paperwork. Because he Has Standards ™ he of course does not mail by computer. He has a cellular phone but this is of the chunky typ and only because the Arrngment had made it so Crowley insisted on it a few years ago in the prep for Apocafail (aha that play on his name both funny and eye rolling). It can just about send a picture but honestly why will he bother because he has pushed the “no frivols miracle” nonsense to the side. With a thought he can send images and ideas… if he needs. To. Still the thought is kind of nice. But there is mail of the good paper sort to tend to and today he is restless. Usual contacts in the bookselling world (Aziraphale if he cared to look close at anything would be forced to admit to basically “book sharing” because he always got his back…. But those others well… there is a reason hes not Heavens most commendated angel). There is also some mail from his tenant in the music shop and lots of advert mail. Nothing hold his attention because he woke up and had a definite idea that wont go away even on 3rd cup of tea and chocolate biscuit. Aziraphale who is a bookshop owner, who was the guardian of East of Eden, who is now very much going through a withdraw from demon shaped presence (not to be total admitted yet) sends a polite card in the mail. A simple idea of feeding the ducks, they must be missing the attention! And he knows a demon who loves animals definitely more than he thinks his kind are meant to.  He doesn’t believe in post that takes time and so it doesn’t.

The phone ringsd a few minutes later. Aziraphales smile if he could see his own face would light up the whole place.

Wednesday

On

In the View of Aziraphale, angel of a Soho bookshop, former soldier in Heavan, current guard of… wait what was he thinking again?

Actually, Aziraphale thinks, actually his point is… actually his point is…

My lord but he’s thirsty.

This is not the first time hes thirsty. His body is human. That is the whole point of all the thing. It would not be fair otherwise. It needs to breathe and go to the loo and actually now hes been on earth quite a bit its trained itself to need food. That as he has since learned is called Conditioning. Both him and Crawley (oh dear he did it and he Dead named: that is only when he lets his mind go back to early days on earth and he always feels bad no it CROWLEY of course) are now so earth bound that the needs of earth bodies have become more. Out of nowhere he remembers how Crowley once told him a story about how he had to go to the loo after a long sleep. At the time he had been sick at the thought and now he lies … on a couch?... and he feels a blush because … he doesn’t know why.

Anyway he sort of feels like maybe he needs the loo too but this is not his bookshop.

Aziraphale who was the guard of the gate of Eden and who now is the angel of a bookshop that he is not in sighs very loud because he knows of course where he is.

"I thought I told you to go home," Crowley muttered, yawning.

And there he is Crowley. His words are different from his facial espresion though this is true lots of time. He has not got black pjs like Aziraphale would suspect. Instead they are quite thick red flannel. This isn’t really a shock because Crowley is not as cool as he thinks people thinks he is and also, he freezes like anything.

For one very bad moment Aziraphale thinks he really wants him to go. How can he be sure after all, Crowley is a demon still that’s not changed right? Too much pushing of barriers that they (or who did? Not good question ugh his head) put up maybe will just get him angry. He doesn’t want to be thrown out hed rather leave himself.

But when he stands to go there Crowley is, he is seeming irritated and sighing but something in his eye says “sit, stay, you welcome”.

That’s more than he very felt back on Heavan.

So he does.

Thursday

DEFINITELY NOT Cleaning

The former Heavanly warrior that is still called Aziraphale, him who is bookshop owner sometimes trader of books to those who maybe deserve it, is looking at his bookshop just in its state. It’s a good bookshop. It is him made into the form of a place. Crowley was very right to use that line “No more Old Bookshops” as the parting line to try convince him to help stop The End Times. Probably maybe he would have been convinced anyway: hes starting to think, to realize that theres love and then there is Love and he hopes so much to find if there is maybe difference. But first he must look at this bookshop of his and feel it. Its where he found a home first and even Crowley found him here with a cholate box like a romantic date when he was opening even if the bosses (his human heart bumps just at idea of Gabriel and the resat even now how sad is that) made it dangerous. The past angel of the east gate is having lots of thoughts and feelings very fast and all of this goes one way to the thought that he’s been a bit (okay not a bit a lot) wrong.

The bookshop needs cleaning but then again it always needs cleaning. He made it this way so that he could keep being Keeper of Books instead of just a book keeper. He looks out over the shelfs that he know and loves and the lovely yellow paint (eyes likes a demon now he can think it ) and also the lovely skylight where he can see the stars he remembers that Crowley… no, must not think that he thinks. Ok then one think to do. Modern day telephones make so easy!

Crowley is here as he always is, being funny about stuff like dust and plants and books. For the first time Aziraphale thinks that there MUST be some reason other than just worry Crowley comes when he calls. Maybe he shall try to test it?

"See, that's the problem with things like dust, and plants," Crowley added philosophically, helping himself to some more tea. "If they're inanimate, then I'm your aunt. You've got to let them know who's boss."

This is not new idea to Aziraphale who has heard Crowley talk like this since at least the 70s. But he thinks that if at least its got Crowley here, it’s a good begnining

Friday

Some washing

Aziraphale is now just looking on at Crowley as he sleeps and he feels bit guilty about it. They are in his own room that he made for himself at the small living space at top of the bookshop. It is still kind of weird that he made an Effort to make a flat that is nice upstairs, because he never cared that much before he started to have Ideas. The Ideas have taken space of Views. Its funny that because Views are from above looking down but Ideas are just all over the place. Ideas like Crowley slept over last night. It was just hugging and because Crowley is always cold because of course he was snake the snake of Eden even, he suffers from cold a lot. Warming him after some glasse4s of wine and then they talked a lot about some old idea, a poem by Shakespeare that was a sonnet they could not agree upon. So not Crowley in in this room and Aziraphale wants to do lots of things. He wants to bring breakfast and wake him up, but then also he wants to just hug him and wait for to wake up. He does not get chance to do anything unfortunately.

Crowley is already awake and he seems snappy. But then.. then…

“"Then I'll start sleeping over, how's that?"

The angel of the Soho bookshop puts on his cashmere coat and then goes to the finest mattress shop he can find.

Saturday

Various stuff… But more future than past

Aziraphale, him who once was a soldier and then he was a guard, then became an enemy of a demon and now… and now is what?

He thinks that’s the question.

He thinks hes just the owner of a weird bookshop that’s a second home for a good demon. He might be other things but what he’s doing right now is going out to have a look around in Soho. Soho is a good place, it is very open and that’s why he has stayed over these years. He has also done many blessings over this time so he feels connected to it. The queer community in this place is very good and have some help from him, he feels always that they’ve needed his help. He doesn’t question sometimes this.

Now what is he? Hes had some time to think. Hes had some time to feel.

No miracles ever felt so good as just feeling Crowleys hand in his own hand during one time on the couch. The choice then he thinks he must make. Crowleys waiting for him.

He gets a vague idea of what Crowleys up to because its not like he drives or would ever take public transport! He knows where Crowley is always and he likes that idea. Now hes going to use it more!

Frivolos miracle blinks away.

Crowley looks surprised and lovely and all rumpled in his hair. But he still says

“Ill get my coat!”

Sunday

The plotting… of further good days

Aziraphale who once guarded a gate and also once fought a war and also once thought that stuff like Sides mattered in the Great War TM  , who is still an angel in the idea that he does miracles and still feels like God (copywright) is still with him… Aziraphale is feeling good.

He is lying and waiting for Crowley to come back with some tea and crumpets. The crumpets are important because theyre going to have jam on them.

Aziraphale doesn’t sleep very much. But he is very happy to change that if he can stay here.

Crowleys back with some tea and nice jams and crumpets and they eat. The ideas about Gentlemen go out the window because at no point was Crowley only a man, or only one thing and then they laugh about what human ideas of a gentleman means… its fun. Much more fun that anything that could ever be in heavan.

“Crowley, I think..”

The bookshop angel has a bit of a think because hes slow but he isn’t actually stupid.

Crowley looks at him and says “Okay?”

The Book Keeper says “Forgive me because this is too late”.

And then they kiss.

[animal-lover-forever]

(Hi, I wrote this in advance and.. you can ignore this if you want. XD I'm sorry for using they/them on you I default to it when talking about someone.. that probably doesnt look good for me actually. I just kinda blanked on you being female so I apologize!! Also I felt like it was addressing more than just you, others who have been in similar situations aswell. So yeah.. sorry for it being long. "If I had more time to write it, I would've made it shorter" or something like that.)

Hi, I am a trans person, I am VERY much all for trans people and everything being accessible to trans people. I just want to say something. I use neopronouns myself too, and weird names in general.

What Dakota said was a MISUNDERSTANDING! If they said it like "man I wish there werent so many types of math to remember" or something like that IT WOULDNT BE MATHPHOBIC?? (That is a horrible example, but I am mathphobic[/j I just hate math] and it was the first thing i could thing of)

It's not them being transphobic. They may have been able to phrase it better, yes. But arent they a kid? And also they will respect your pronouns and your gender. They'll call you whatever you want, it's just a simple misunderstanding. If they slip up, it's just as simple as misremembering. Its HARD remembering a lot, I cant remember a lot of people's name, I cant remember a lot in general.

No, just because they may have forgot doesnt mean they "didnt put in enough effort" or "arent trying" or something. Guys, GROW UP! I'm serious. One misunderstanding isnt enough to go around claiming someone as transphobic WHEN THEY ARE FRIENDS WITH MANY LGBTQ+ PEOPLE AND DONT GIVE A CRAP!

They aren't transphobic. Leave them alone.

Thanks.

And yeah, I probably could have worded it differently. But that was the best I could do.

I often forget that what I say, will come out differently. As in, people will hear it one way, but what I'm thinking is totally different.

A lot of that comes down to my autism and ADHD. But mainly my autism.

I often have trouble saying what I mean. And that makes things hard. Because when I say something, people hear it, but not as I'm thinking. (I don't even know if this makes sense. But this does prove my point at least.)

I also tend to talk without thinking. And this doesn't really help my case.

I have said this once, but I'll say it again.

If I have said something offensive, it was most likely an accident. Sometimes I say offensive things without realizing it. Mostly because I didn't think it would be offensive. Or I worded it in a way that makes it seem like I'm being offensive, when I'm not trying to be.

If I ever say something offensive, just let me know. I probably didn't even know I did. So just let me know, and I'll correct myself. And try to remember for the future.

I do understand that I can cross lines by accident. Crossing lines without realizing, is something I've done my whole life. I try and try to not cross those invisible lines. But I always fail to do so.

When a line is invisible, I cross them. Why? Because I can't see them. A lot of those lines are visible to others. But they are not for me.

If you can show me that line, then I can do a better job at not crossing over them. But keep in mind that I'm slow to pick things up. So even if you try to explain, it still might take me awhile to finally see the line.

But just know that I try my best to see the lines. Despite the fact that most of them are invisible.

[fierceawakening]

You know, the more I think about my mom’s behavior, the more the thing Forbidden YouTube calls “vulnerable narcissism” makes sense to me as an explanation, whether or not there is such a thing above and beyond stuff this one person I am related to does.

That being that literally everything is bad to or for her. My dad got implants put in his mouth and now she struggles to hear him, but instead of “oh fuck, this is an unfortunate confluence of disabilities it’s “I can’t understand him! Fierce, can you understand him! It’s just SO UPSETTING THAT I CANT UNDERSTAND MY OWN HUSBAND clearly the guy doing the implants is a HORRIBLE RIP OFF. I tried to convince him NOT TO SEE THAT GUY but NO.”

Or worse, “WHY doesn’t he pronounce words CLEARLY,” knowing he had speech therapy. Which is just mean, and would be even if people with normal hearing struggled to understand him too. But we don’t. Or at least I don’t.

All this when he’s in the middle of a surgery procedure with stages so switching dentists is a bad idea unless he’s doing it wrong or something.

Like it’s unfair she’s hearing impaired, just like it’s unfair I have impaired mobility. But no one failed to put a curb cut in a useful place AT me. I Can be annoyed at whoever designed or built it, but I shouldn’t lament my plight in ways that make other people feel bad but can’t be solved. All I can do is decide if I want to walk around to find a cut or if I don’t.

On some level my attitude is my responsibility. I have to decide to deal, or to make a change.

Which is likely why The Forbidden YouTubes say not to try to convince your family member or partner to change. Because if they’re fundamentally convinced things are bad AT them, that’s a distortion that no one can undistort but them. By choice.

Which is a thing I did by choice when I decided to work on my own mental health. I tried very hard to ask myself what I could expect from other people and what I’d need to provide to them for our relationships to be positive, and thought really hard about how to get what I needed if I was asking too much.

It was kind of painful to withdraw when I still felt hurt, and it took a lot of getting used to. Now, though? “Hey Fierce, I feel for you but I’m overwhelmed myself/I need to go for dinner with friends/blah” “Oh okay, I’m gonna talk to another friend/play video games/exercise until im too exhausted to feel like shit. Thanks for listening.” And I still feel kinda bad but that’s not a betrayal. Friend left because Friend has own life. Which is just as scary and confusing as mine is.

When I see Tumblr saying that people just GET to not show empathy, or just GET to offer non reciprocal relationships, it really sounds to me like what’s being said is “you don’t have to bother trying not to hurt others, you poor baby.”

And I just… no. You get to think about whether someone’s demands are too much, sure. You get to decide the answer is yes.

But that may actually mean “the compassionate thing to do is cut this person off, because I’m unable to be the kind of partner or friend they need unless I become better at reciprocal relationships, which is hard for me.”

[doomxdriven]

@soulxfragments (continuing from x):

Cold. Depriving herself of anything but those pure, raw instincts as she grew rigid where she stood. She was waiting. He had used up whatever patience she was willing to give. Trap her, and be faced with something that detaches from humanity. A predator kept in check beneath a human facade. It was what she had become. What she had embraced. Live and die in the depths of madness if she must. Maximize survival potential. Nothing else mattered in moments like these.

She was vicious. Relentlessly cruel. Ready to strip him down - flesh, and bone, to the very core of his existence and dispatch the remnants in the most vile of manners. Nevermind that she was a guest here. He had intruded upon her purpose within the Seireitei. She would not be enslaved again.

As walls crumbled, she remained stilled. Calculating the next course this man may take in an effort to achieve whatever his agenda had been in finding her. His words are met with silence. Even at the clap of hands, her mind processing everything she’s gaining from her origami crane to try and understand the fullness of where this situation was heading.

He wanted to talk? Bright blinding light - she’s unaffected where blind eyes fail to experience it - and suddenly… she’s smelling the air. Tasting the wind. Feeling the sensation of cloth dance against her body as the breeze tosses it about. And he? Sharp ears listen to the sounds that naturally follow the presence of a body. Clothing. Breathing. The scent of his aroma on the air should she manage to catch it. She’s seething beneath that stoic exterior. But she is still far too new to being a Shinigami, to act. Too new with Muramasa to be able to work with him cleanly. It was better to subdue these tendencies, and allow him his opportunity to speak.  Even if her immediate response was raw violence.

At least now - she was no longer in a cage. She was stood atop a cliff overlooking the Seireitei. Her head turned just-so to collect all the information she can outside of what her little origami crane could provide. Fill in the gaps. Paint a picture within her mind so she could better act accordingly should things take even more of a turn.

“Whatever knowledge you believe you have of me, clearly has proven to be insubstantial.” Empty. Deprived of whatever emotion she may be feeling in that moment. All of it buried away. The inferno tucked carefully deep down. Waiting. Biding her time for an opportunity to strike. “I will not waste unnecessary time on someone so sub-par.”

Bansui stands there calm and languid as ever, despite the cold, vicious force that was Jezebel only a handful of feet away. Bansui knew of course that Jezebel wasn't all bark (he had watched her long enough to know that well), in fact, based on her body language and tone, he was almost certain that she was only a few nerves away from lunging at him right now, but he also knew that if he had to, he could handle anything she threw his way.

Bansui was still hoping the two of them wouldn't come to blows, however. That would be, as Bansui had stated before, unfortunate, not only because it could lead to other problems, but it would force him to put in way more effort here tonight than he wanted to…

"Insubstantial…. unnecessary… sub-par, what egregious words, my good Substitute Shinigami. How… far, from the… truth, thou be on… all accounts."

Bansui, in a slow, listless motion, cants his head to one side and holds up his free hand, pointing at Jezebel briefly.

"I am, certainly no… Urahara Kisuke, by any means," Bansui slowly points to himself, a deep, guttural, yet knowing chuckle emanating from behind his mask after mentioning that name, "but, I know… more than enough about thee, more than… enough."

Jezebel's Origami would likely bear witness to a sudden flash of, strange light a yard or so behind Bansui, and while it may have been too quiet for Jezebel to hear herself, her Origiami might have also picked up on what sounded like Bansui quickly speaking under their breath.

Mere seconds later, three figures would appear from the light, and once it died down, the three would begin approaching Bansui, or rather, two of them approached, with the third between them being forcibly dragged.

Two of the sudden arrivals were dressed in garb similar to Bansui's, but the third, the one being dragged, possessed attire that seemed more… Western,along with the sack covering their face and the ropes that bound them.

"I would not… engage events, such as those.. seen tonight," Bansui continued, now gesturing at Jezebel with his staff, his other hand orientated toward the sky, "were I, and our God, Our King, not… certain."

The footsteps approaching from behind Bansui get louder as he goes on speaking, until soon enough they cease. The two figures clad in Kido Corps attire then throw the third person onto the ground, right beside Bansui.

"I… however, expected thou may… require, more convincing, and perchance, a peace offering."

Bansui points his staff toward the ground, toward the mysterious, bound figure, "That is why I… decided, to bring this, wretched Soul; they are a very… naughty, visitor, from our.. estranged, Western Branch, and I… do believe, thou shall find them… interesting."

[blissfullifeinfantasyland]

I’m done with being smart or pretty or knowledgable or tolerable or accepting or loving or soft or gentle or thoughtful or any of the things I know are always the “right” answer on the test even though they aren’t the answers I’ve been conjuring up my entire life, I’m just afraid if I put in the answers that I will get a failing score immediately and be shunned by society and people will not like me anymore at all and I won’t have a job or career or academic credentials and won’t be successful in my life. I know what to do but the second I feel any sort of discomfort from within or any bubbling anger or upset I revert back VERY FUCKING QUICKLY to my old ways and then I get upset for not putting on the pretty fucking poise that I always put on and even when I do put it on it’s not always pretty! And yet I’m still trying my best! I’m locked in my head. I feel like I never look how I want to look which is not sloppy! I feel sloppy everywhere like when I try to paint a single stroke I’m walking on stilts with buckets of paint spilling out the back. I try to get over it as a “I’m nonconforming” way but it gets to my head because I KNOW others perceive me as abnormal in whatever way they choose to see that as. Why can’t I be understood for me why can’t people open up a safe spot in their presence for me to trust and finally be myself and I know myself is not always nice or does the right thing or say the right thing a lot of the time and I am bewildered that people have not left me because of these things that get slipped out the vision sometimes. I can only be myself with a select few people and everyone else I feel unnecessarily locked inside my own head like I have to perform exactly how this person wants me to so I can be their friend. Even if I know they are a well meaning person and they like me I think if I let one crazy ass (minuscule and non-world-affecting) opinion loose on them they will freak out and leave. I guess that’s actually a good thing. But then I think the majority will leave me and I get really scared of being alone. Maybe it should be normal to not like your friends, as long as you’re being your true self with them and they are like kinda okay with it. But is hatred my true state or is loving? Because I think it’s loving and then I write a mass of evil words like this and I’m not so sure who this person is or what they really need or if that’s the same person? What do you need? Is it just rage for feeling consistent loneliness? What happens when I have someone to provide relief from loneliness? Will this go away or manifest someplace different? What happens to my emotions when I cant see them? Do they grow or shrink? I have no evidence for this. I dont know what my emotions do or how they interconnect. I mostly just feel like a loser for not knowing this incredibly basic emotional regulation stuff, and not even all of it, I mean BASICS basics. Am I neurotypical though? I will see a list and be like oh thats me! And then i look at the adhd list and be like oh thats me…… But is the neurotypical one my mask or do I actually have those good traits??!!!!?????? Am I focused and determined??!!!????!!!! Or am I forgetful with executive dysfunction……. Which???!!!!

[theinyshlobster]

the picture of dorian gray [review]

read from july 18th, 2024 - july 27th, 2024.

review:

i find my feelings very hard to put into words. i cant describe how this book made me feel. it is topsy-turvy, it changes its pace midway through, and is constantly adapting itself. i do think the online "hype" about this book makes this book overrated - but it still is a good book! i do feel as though this is one of those books when just reading it in isolation renders it a 3-star read, but with the introduction & biography following wilde, as well as context for the time in which it was written, the story opens itself up.  i found the plot to lowkey be all over the place? i mean up until sibyl is murdered i was enjoying this, and understood the hype. but following that plot point, this book does a complete 180, and i didn't know what to expect. the entire tone shifts almost instantaneously that night in the theatre, and i think its a neat comparison for dorian's descent into madness from the painting to begin in a theatre - art destroying art in a sense. but yet again, without deeper analysis & trying to read this book just as it is à la 'death of the author', this book would not be as good, and honestly that's why it isnt a 5-star. that and the writing gave me a headache many of times because i had no clue what i had just read because 75 words no longer used in the english language were present in a sentence that was 7 lines long. i get that's how classics are written but doesn't mean i have to like it!! anyways, what else do i have to say? honestly i fail to truly grasp this book as well, i think because a lot of wilde's obvious intentions were masqueraded in subtext, and i am not good at subtext!! at all!! i am not a very smart reader (unless im actively trying to solve a mystery novel. then i become mf sherlock holmes).  i enjoyed basil & dorian's characterisations, but henry's seemed to go over my head. i think im gonna have to read a deep analysis of his character because i seriously don't get how it is insinuated henry sends dorian down his corrupt path. yet again that could be because i missed the subtext or actually had no idea what i was reading due to the language used. sue me. i reallllyyy enjoyed the ending. the book lowkey kinda floundered in the middle, but picked up again at full steam at around chapter 12.  also no shade but chapter 11 isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be. if im honest its probably the most important chapter of the book!!! anyways booktwt dont sue me for not liking it, sue my brain for being a dumb ass bitch. 

[mygladur]

guess its time for me to try and explain myself again

first off, I want you to know that I am trying to improve myself and move on from what I did. I cant express with words how much I regret it and how guilty I feel for causing this damage. I will have to wait until the end of summer to talk to a therapist unfortunately, but I am doing my best to improve on my own until then. I know I cant undo what I've done, but I can at least learn and try to improve myself based on my past mistakes.

I really have no excuse for lying about my age, it was a really bad move that I should not have done at all. at the time, I thought being hypersexual was a good reason for it, but it absolutely is not. being hypersexual does not excuse low impulse control.

the proship thing is what I regret most about this, and I understand why people cant forgive me for it. the best I can do is explain how I got into that, and why I've now changed my mind about proshippers. I had found myself in an echo chamber of sorts, where I was slowly convinced that proshippers "arent that bad" and that people who hate them are "just overreacting." I am very ashamed of myself for letting these beliefs get to me, but I can comfort myself with the knowledge that I am not like that anymore. I managed to get myself out of that mindset, and I now despise proshippers as much as the next guy. proshippers are disgusting. there are no "but"s that can change that. though, I am aware that even though I've changed, it wont undo the fact that I did have that mindset at some point. the regret of it will take a good while to leave me, but I'd say that's a good thing, because at least I am aware of how much of a mistake it was to let myself get into that mindset.

the reason why I kept bugging that minor about drawing lewd art of brulo was because I genuinely didnt know they were uncomfortable. I didnt pick up on the obvious signs that they were uncomfortable with it, and I thought their protests were just part of the joke. its not their fault at all, as I should've known better and picked up on the signs that they really didnt like this "joke." I've learned to be more careful with these kinds of jokes now, and to look out for signs of the person being uncomfortable. I feel terrible for pressuring them like that, and if they somehow find this and read this; I am so sorry for misunderstanding your discomfort.

I feel horrible about the way I treated johnny as well. I get very aggressive when Im having breakdowns, even though I dont mean to. but even though I didnt mean to do it, it still happened, I still treated him like shit when he was just trying to help me. I understand why people refer to my constant breakdowns as suibaiting, but I really did try almost every time. I always failed, either because I was a coward or because my method wasnt working at all, which is where the suibait belief comes from. that's not to shame people who believe it was suibaiting, because I get it. Im trying to figure out healthier ways to deal with these breakdowns, because I dont want to make someone feel like johnny did again. I cant imagine the stress my dumb complaining and aggressive behavior put johnny through, and I feel awful for making him feel that way.

the reason why I came onto tumblr under a new alias was because I wanted to keep sharing my art and dumb ramblings. I didnt expect nor want this blog to become popular, and I had already planned to delete it if that ever were to happen. I am not made for handling big fanbases, as I've seen other people who have similar problems to me lose touch with reality and misuse their fanbases in various ways, which I dont want. though, I now feel like I shouldnt try to be on social media at all until I fully improve myself, even if its just an account with no followers on a site no one uses. social media is most definitely turning back the improvement I've already made, so I shouldnt be on it until there is no risk of me going back to my old ways.

with this post, I am not asking for forgiveness. no one is obligated to forgive me, and I'll understand no matter the reason. I am simply trying to explain myself and apologize for the damage I've caused. I really hope that people will at least understand what Im trying to say, even if they dont forgive me in the slightest. and once again, I am so sorry to everyone I've hurt, and I hope that it didnt leave any long lasting effects on anyone. I hope you all have a great rest of your day, and thank you for reading.

Okay, hi, sorry for abandoning Tumblr, but something important came up that I need to share with the Tumblr side of the Fandom.

This account is ran by bagel, who if you don't know

- lied about their age to get into n/sfw spaces

- liked mauricexpeppino art and supported someone who was openly proship

- tried pressuring a minor into drawing lewd artwork of brulo from antonblast (this was before they revealed their true age which made it 5x creepier)

- treated me like garbage everytime I tried comforting them during their suibaits

All I can recommend is to block and move on, don't give them any attention 👍

[the-blaze-empress]

Gona put a Spoiler alert on this one for “Take My Arms That I Might Reach You”.

Hey so I’m back (the person who asked about the time measurement in “Take My Arms”) to say I absolutely loved the rest of the fic. I really enjoyed the character development both Techno and Phil went through throughout the fic and getting to see the way they both end up together terrorizing the bigots of the desert was wonderful. Was sobbing at the part where Phil died had me fighting back tears cause I was absolutely reading this at work. Just the visual you painted in my head of Techno putting Phil’s body in the bedroll was the breaking point. I was like 90% Phil was gona come back, but still it got to me. The world building you did in the Ebony plane was incredible! I love a good info dump and Kristin’s explanation of the magic and spirits tied everything together so well. And oooooo the Quackity/Techno flashbacks. Man Techno really did a number on him! But I like that they still became tentative friends after all was said and done. You asked what my thoughts were on Chapter 18 and I’ll be honest, I’m a bit confused on that but cause there’s a chapter 18 and then one labeled eighteenth, so I’m gona roll em together. I pretty much knew early on in the fic that Techno was also had wings. It was pretty obvious (at least to me) with the fact that he had a voice talking to him since Phil had the same thing, even if he ignores it. Still, the reveal was fantastic! And the way Techno used his own curse to get on Phil’s level and try to calm him down and let him know he was okay, he wasn’t going to hate him was so sweet. Ah! I could go on and on about all the little details I loved about the fic, but those are the major things I loved about it. Sorry it took so long to get back to this, life went and lived and my brain has been a bit fried lately so it been hard to put thoughts into words. But you’re a wonderful writer and I will definitely be coming back to reread this fic again in the future, as well as keeping an eye on your other fics (see you have a new one out, haven’t gotten to it yet again because life). Thank you so much for sharing your work!

AAAA THANK YOU!!

im soooo glad u loved the fic!! character development my beloved, that was one of my big things i wanted to achieve with this fic, having a distinct but still believable development of the characters, and to show how that development happened even when it wasnt going quite so great. patpat i am hugging u but also hell yeah i rlly wanted that moment to have a big emotional impact esp since it was planned from like. the very start lol.

im glad u didnt think my infodumping was too out of place! truth be told the worldbuilding developed a LOT as i was writing the fic, and some things never got the chance to get properly established rip.

backstory hell yeah! i wanted to show what techno was like when he was young and more in phils shoes and i also wanted to elaborate on quackitys cardistry, AND i wanted to show that the superstitions around the carrion cursed arent entirely unfounded. managed to roll that all into one chapter lolll.

oof yeah prolly shouldve clarified. by chapter 18 i mean the chapter titled eighteenth, the ao3 automatic chapter numbers are wrong bc the first 'chapter' is a prologue lol. and niceee ur one of few who actually made that connection, youd be surprised at how many people genuinely failed to see that chat was no different to kristin it was so funny.

PLEASE DO GO ON ABOUT THE LITTLE DETAILS!!! OH I WOULD LOVE YOU SO MUCH IF YOU DID!! (not to say i dont love u anyways that is) little details are my favourite things literally ever i know i wrote the fic but pleasee go on about the little things you noticed!!

thank you soso much for this, genuinely <333 you dont need to apologise for taking ages to read shit, god knows life can Be Like That. cant wait to hear what u think of my future and maybe even past stuff!!

[nauticasdatalog]

Therapy with the Bots:

Because i cant afford it and my shifting attemps are only giving me a good sleep schedule...here you go.

“You know, I feel like I’ve never known what it’s like to be loved.” She whispered but his audials heard it loud and clear, making Ratchet turn his helm too quickly for his attempt of being nonchalant.

But the teen standing on the platform beside him, overlooking Emma and Jazz currently teasing each other about where they were going for their date tonight, only laid her head down against her palm with a look so lost on her face that Ratchet had become accustomed to too easily.

“People say you should give what you want to receive. But I’ve seen people give their whole world to someone or something only for it to let them down. I thought having my dream come true of finally being able to meet your team would make me feel at home but I still feel the same. I still feel left out, I still feel…unneeded.” She sighed before tucking a wisp of her bangs behind her ear after it had brushed under her damp eyelashes and gotten caught.

“Kid-”

“I feel like I give all that I can. That I project my feelings as simply as possible but what do I get in return?” She asked before laughing to herself, “I get called a mother. I get, not friend-zoned! But ‘Mothered’ and in some cases that's not bad but when I can’t shake it off that someone I like will only ever see me that way…it hurts. I just want to be normal. Why is how I care for people not normal?” she questioned and Ratchet's frown only grew as he watched her left hand come up to scratch at the bracelet on her other wrist.

“And now we live in a world where people just assume I don’t want to date, or I haven’t figured out who I want to date but they don’t know that I know who I am. I know what I want I just-” she stopped because of the tears beginning to clog up her throat and closed her mouth to try and get rid of it without being too loud about it.

“I just don’t know how to get what I want.” she managed to finish and when she tucked the same piece of hair further back against her scalp, Ratchet took a deep vent before leaning slightly closer to lean against the stairwell structure.

“Before I met Drift, I felt confident in myself. In being alone, in being the only one who understood the things I did, in being an easy name on a schedule but not someone major but just ‘another medic’.” He began to explain and it gained enough of her attention that she softly looked up even with tears welling in her eyes to make contact with him as he spoke to her.

“But then he sauntered into my life and suddenly, I began to become frustrated with myself over things I couldn’t control. I started to want him to see things in me that I hadn’t told him about so that I didn’t have to explain them because I couldn’t. I wanted him to know how I felt about him without the words spoken because I didn’t know how to speak them. Instead, I came off as pushy, ignorant, and probably downright mean when I’d snap at him after a long shift that he had just randomly popped in for during his breaks to chat with me.” He explained and when he saw her small look of concern he smiled down at her and was instantly rewarded with an eyebrow raise in return.

“I’m never going to forget the first time I snapped at him and how he just stood there. Still as a statue until I started to cry. I had hated in that moment how vulnerable I felt. How simple it was for his presence to knock down all of my training and make me cry like a sparkling because I was upset and frustrated. That day I hadn’t felt good enough for my position, for who I wanted to become, and for who I wanted to be for him. Nobody knew the stresses of my job, no one could understand how much pressure I put on myself not to fail because not only was my designation at stake but so were bots' lives. But after he got over his shock, he placed down the cubes in his servos and hugged me. I hadn’t ever shown him any physical affection because I didn’t honestly know how or when to appropriately. I was always so terrified of other bot’s fields because I knew from experience I didn’t like bot’s in mine. But he hugged me, out of the blue and I felt a part of me snap and I was sobbing into his chassis like I had just lost a life.” He expressed with a shake of his helm before turning to gently watch her as she kept her gaze low and towards the red marks now covered by her bracelet.

“I didn’t know how to love but he told me neither did he. When we first bonded and he showed me what it was like to see me break down like that from his point of view, I could feel his spark stuttering in his chassis and the want and the need he had to make me feel better. Because in his glyphs, I -’work so hard to fix others without ever taking a moment to pause and check in on myself’. I let things overwhelm me, I bit my glossa if something bothered me because my opinion wasn’t wanted unless I was giving a possible diagnosis.” When Ratchet stopped again he held out his servo but she hesitated before climbing through the railing and slowly lowering down to sit herself up against his digits.

He slowly laid his thumb down across her lap and he heard her sniffle before rubbing at the underside of her nose for a second before he continued.

“I know what it feels like. To overanalyze everyone else's view of you so that you know what they expect from you. It’s why to me it always felt so easy to walk into my faction because bots expected me to be one thing, a medic. A bot who told you what happened, why it happened, and how to fix it. Not my opinion, not my emotions, not who I had hidden way too deep inside that I thought no one could ever find me.”

“But then Drift had. Without me even knowing it and I still didn’t let it sink in until the darkcycle we bonded.” He said such with a smile big enough that she smiled back while leaning her head against the curve of his digit as the last of her tears dried up on her skin.

“You may feel unseen or buried but have faith that they trust you. That they want to get to know you more the same way you crave to know more about them. You aren’t alone sweetspark. This feeling will pass.” He reassured her with a gentle rub of his thumb against her body and even though the action should have felt wrong, it was the closest form of a hug she felt like she was going to get due to their size difference.

“Thank you Ratchet,”

“You are always welcome youngling.”