#i just gotta talk abt them im sorry
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Alright I'm gonna talk abt snek
This is a typical western/plains hoggie, much like you would find in the wild-- hence this being referred to as a wild or normal type morph. Fun fact: the headstamp of every hoggie is unique! There's lots of variation but most breeders ignore them in favor of color morphs. (If I'm ever blessed enough to breed, I may work with headstamps myself tbh)
Another fun fact, they have keeled scales! It makes handling them pretty unique compared to other, smooth scaled snakes.
Now the underside of them is black and checkered, which they display during their mock death displays.
To get this out of the way, it's really cute. They curl around and stay on their back even when you try to right them. They stick their little tongues out with that funny smile and its just endearing as all getout.
But this is their last defense. The snake does this when they think they are about to be eaten or killed. It's basically a panic response. Please do not induce this purposefully! Be nice, they are so smol. Excessive stress is bad for anyone, let alone a little noodle. (this stress can also result in regurgitation, which is dangerous for snakes)
Fortunately, because musking and playing dead is their final resort, they are likely to employ other defenses before curling up like this. They'll first flatten out sorta like a cobra when they're feeling defensive, trying to look big and scary at you. This is also cute and endearing. Next, you can expect mock strikes, where they kinda just hit you with their harmless little snoot. It's really unlikely you'll actually get bit, and they're not good biters to begin with, really.
But! They do have fangs!
These are their rear-fangs, also known as popping fangs. Why? Because they're used to "pop" the frogs they eat in the wild. These amphibians have this defense where they blow themselves up too big to be swallowed, or to scare off predators, so the hognose developed these little fangs to deal with them! On top of that, hognoses are (debatedly) considered rear-fanged "venomous" due to a sort of advanced saliva they produce. This venom(?) enters their prey through little grooves along the fangs, paralyzing them so the slow-eating snake can actually swallow them.
For humans, a successful bite is going to feel like almost nothing. If you have a reaction, you can expect it to be similar to a bee sting (minor swelling that goes away on its own). However it's not impossible to be allergic to their saliva, so be aware.
In captivity, they do fine on a rodent diet, though you may need to establish hatchling feeding with scented pinkies. Egg yolk, tuna water, frog juice.. There's lots of trusted ways we've found to get them going on rodents. Then you just ween them off the scent!
Anyway enough care guiding. I am not a professional. Tune in next time for gushing over morphs!
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i love ryomina
no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.
it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.
ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.
minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.
the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.
minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.
it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.
november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.
it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.
how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.
ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.
he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.
SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.
and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!
so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.
messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!
even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.
march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.
and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.
p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.
ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!! god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!
i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙
#lizzy speaks#persona 3#ryomina#ryoji mochizuki#minato arisato#meta#long post#(literally)#HI SO UM YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FUCKING SLEEP so to cope i was like 'i will talk out loud about anything and everything'#and somehow that turned into me talking about ryomina out loud and something about verbalizing my thoughts made me feel crazy about these-#two again. i mean for the record i continue to love them always very dearly but like my p3 braincells sometimes go into hibernation bc-#ive been on a really huge splatoon kick. but anyway my voice was like cracking at 3am because i was tearing up#i was like 'THE!! IM! SO NORMAL ABT WHAT ORPHEUS AND THANATOS AND MESSIAH SYMBOLIZE' etc etc etc#so i kinda just went to sleep like 'ok well you GOTTA type it out. everyone needs to know about this.'#and um i didnt mean to make 1069 words! sorry! not really! but i love them!!! even if im very quiet these days!#ohhh how lucky i am to have had the chance to experience ryomina they are such a gem. they make me so goddamn emotional#they really mean a lot to me because of well. (gestures at the entire post) but also they came at a really good point of my life and FUCK!!#im so so grateful to them!!! i love them!!!! the themes that their relationship and characters convey just !! IM SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!!!#they've affected me so profoundly and deeply and i wish i could make better art to get this across. but its ok. one day i can. one day#they make me so fucking talkative like actually but um. i had a lot of fun writing this! i dont think ive had like. a proper appreciation-#post for them that articulates why i like them so much (unless you count the essays i write in my art tags) so it was nice to make this.#admittedly theres a lot abt p3 that im rusty on since its been a goodwhile since ive interacted with the source material#and in a way you could say that like. i need to renew my p3 license LMAOOO but god some parts of p3 still have such a huge death grip on me#and what i mean by that is that the big Fucking Events have such!! clarity!! in my mind!! i recall them and i wilt on the spot!!#oh god i cant fucking shut up. the tags are probably 500 words long. enjoy my ramble. i wish every ryomina enjoyer a Good Life <3#actually no. i hope that EVERYONE on the dash today has something that sparks joy for them the way ryomina does for me.#everyone deserves 2 have something that makes their brain do a little excited dance that makes them blow up and explode. its good for u!#BYE FOR REAL this is why i have to post my thoughts very spread out otherwise yall would have so many WORDS on ur dash pls help i have so#many emotions and i am so tiny i cannot possibly fit all the feelings i have about ryomina and other things inside my tiny little body
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y’all some people really have some balls. or just a…misunderstanding of places that require appointments.
man: when’s ur next opening for 5 people
me: uh what service are you looking for?
man: foot and body massage?
me: *guides him to website with our menu of services, proceeds to spend 5 minutes asking for any more gd clarification which proves mostly useless*
me: okay the next time I have 5 therapists available at the same time is….January 30th—
man: oh no I meant for today!
me: HAHAHA no we’re completely booked today??? I don’t even have 5 therapists working today?????
man: what?? damn *hangs up*
#what on earth were you expecting????#you want 5 full body massages last minute???#absolutely not gonna happen??????#this is worse than last week when a lady demanded I put her down for a 90 min massage in an hour#‘yeah put me down for 90 mins at 11’#me: ….im sorry?#lady: repeats herself#me: ….like….today?#lady. frustrated: yes!#me: we’re totally booked today and even tomorrow….#lady: what?? ugh I knew this would happen I’ll just call again 😤#bitch what u don’t get to talk to me like that#so far 2024 has been full of people DEMANDING I make room for them#very rudely#this has not been the case in the 6 months I’ve been here#old ppl in 2024 really said ‘this year is all about ME’#sorry I’m just still in awe of this fucking guy today#gotta rant abt it
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SNOW DAY TOMORROW YESSSYESYES YESYESSSSSSS AHHHHHH
#currently very excited abt that as you can tell#I GOTTA WRITE TLLR GUYS I GOTTA GET MY SHIT TOGETHERRRR#IM SO SORRY ITS TAKING SO LONG#wyrms says stuff#very very hyper all of a sudden i’m so fucking happy i don’t have school tomorrow#you know what#something i kinda did like when i first started writing tllr was making up this thing to motivate myself to write and draw tllr#called “Dew days” so kinda a play on words with due date#and by specifically calling tomorrow a Dew day#it’d make me more productive somehow and that was during the summer so literally every day was Dew day because i was excited as fuck about#tllr. so yk what tomorrow is a Dew day i am going to spend all day writing and drawing tllr because I WANT TOOO#i’ve been slacking badly. i wanna get to the good parts. chapter 12 and 13 are okay. you guys will Definitely like them but im more focused#on future chapters. so i gotta just sit down and WRITE and then… i really really wanna AHHSHGHHHH talk about the mystery character#but FDSJHHSDFJHKDFSJHH i can’t yet#anyway yeah new chapter maybe tonight or tomorrow I FUCKING HOPE
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I'm so serious when I say I'm not a woman, I'm a lesbian. Genuinely. I don't feel connected to womanhood in any way that isn't through lesbianism. To an extent, it's like... inherently, as a lesbian, I inherently will not be like straight women, I will not fit in spaces defined around male attraction, and I'm frequently overlooked by other women because of this. That othering of me and my experiences has lead to this almost inevitable state of like, clearly I can't be a woman because so many of these "universal female experiences" are defined around male attraction, so why waste my time pretending like I am? That's not even bringing up the ways in which being autistic impacts my view of my own gender! I'm a lesbian, that's what matters most above all else
#sorry. got thinking abt how much i love lesbianism again#this is also why i just list my pronouns as either he/they or any bc. theres secret rules to my pronouns lol#THE RULES ARE:#he/they when talking normally. 'hes over there' 'theyre my friend' ect.#she/her ONLY in situations related to lesbianism. 'thats her girlfriend' 'shes into her'#thats not to say you couldnt he/him or they/them me in lesbian centric situations tho- he/him lesbianism is a part of me also#but if youre gonna she/her me its gotta be specifically lesbian related.#also i dont actually expect people to adhere to that (also its not like im dating anyone lol) bc its weird but. whatevar <3
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my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/
#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man#i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks#and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig#even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-#better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them#like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it#hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders#for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee#the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want#me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so!#anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too#its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh#we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its#kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way#im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily#cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction#its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things#for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a#want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them#and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎#i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay.#.vent
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Sorry for being really slow with like. everything art related guys I have been going through it so bad
#Im so emotionally and physically burnt out rn i physically can't even talk to my friends without feeling like my heads abt to explode#this is mostly for the people commissioning me rn I can't get anything good out atm#I'm working on them but bear with me for a day or so#so im gonna. mental health break. Im seeing my dad tomorrow and saturday he's getting me out of the house so maybe I'll be back to normal#my mums bf put up cameras that alert his phone when someone moves outside and it just kicked my anxiety up so bad I literally can't handle#the idea of leaving the house and him seeing it on the camera and making a comment lmaoooo#I gotta. get over that but he makes fun of me all the time anyway (in a joking way im just sensitive) so I just expect it#and bc of that I can't leave my house more so than normal#I need to see a doctor abt my anxiety like. bad. but Im too scared of going and wasting their time since the NHS is already strained#which. also comes from my anxiety lol#its BADDDD its so bad I shouldn't be scared to go outside#I do try and force myself and its never that bad but I disassociate the whole time and I feel like im not making any progress really#anyway sorry for turning into a little vent LMAO oopsie..#all this to say I'm very eepy and just need a second to get back on track#.txt
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oh btw update on klapolly tsums project, I did actually start gathering materials for it (there's spring sales at craft stores rn >:] ) however I am now struggling to find skin (fleece) for them 😔
#i got some fleece#almost all the felt i need (forgot to grab red and purple though. for some reason skdhdkdjdj)#i actually got old shirts from a thrift store for more fabrics to use#(felt bad abt buying them just to cut them into tiny reactangles but ppl have done worse gentrification shit ig)#theres a couple other stuff i gotta get but its not immediate#esp since i need to first make a sewing pattern for everything#i did track down an online sewing pattern im taking notes from for developing my own#im thinking i want to actually. release the klapolly tsum sewing pattern when im done 👉👈#for free of course i dont want to make ppl spend even more money when getting the fabric is already costly akdjfkfkfkkf#though idk ive never done anything like that before#I'll try the best i can to make these patterns though#OH YEAH THE SKIN FLEECE I WAS GONNA TALK ABT THAT. SORRY GOT SIDETRACKED#u see this is where its hard bc i need felt and fleece that matches in color but im having . a hard time doing that <:] ...#which i knew was going to be a problem at the start#AND IM SCARED !!!! i was almsot considering having to polly lighter toned just to get some colors close enough#but i want to stand firm on polly not being super pale I REFUSE TO MAKE HIM SO WHITE !!!#at least klav would have his darker skin tone either way ig.... preferably i want them both to not be pale tho#rando thoughtz
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...
#bluh. its been a long week and its not over bc i have to get this fucking manuscript done like fucking this weekend#and Sunday i have to go do fieldwork and then its Monday hhhhh#my boss: the meme of the week is productive women get shit done#and im like being called a woman in stem kills me a little more every time i hear it bleh im just trying to live my life#and by live i mean drain away all my time in the lab. uuuuh i need to rewrite these fucking methods and dun wanna#also fucking the coordinator lady who bought my plane ticket to visit one of my potential schools made it so that im gonna have to drive to#the airport at like 4am and then ill get back to my apartment at after 12am on the return. like i said my time was flexible but wtf lady?#its prob bc they were expensive tickets bc the fucking military#ugh. and the other school is like select 3 profs to meet with. and im like wtf y do i have to? if its just screening stuff y dont u just#assign it? i dont understand hhhh i dont wanna talk to them. i fucking dunno. at least i made it to the interview stage i guess#also also i was running today and randomly remembered that over the break my old bat of a nana was being stingy abt#money bc she said she was gonna give out inherentence to her kids while still alive so they would still be young enough to enjoy it#and my dad and uncle could retire a lil early and still pay for insurance and now shes going back on that bc she doesnt want taxes to go to#the government and my papa is like 85 and hes gotta b nearing deaths door and he cant reel her in anymore#anyway. point is she was talking to my uncle abt her reasons for keeping the money and she was talking shit on my mom for like the way she#spends money. like my mom has cancer u old fucking bitch. shes trying to enjoy her life a little before shes like dead or bedridden#shes also made comments abt my moms weight and like wtf lady she has cancer. shes had multiple abdominal surgeries she had a hernia for#like a real long time sorry shes not spending all her time exercising and eating tasteless healthy food like u#anyway i just think my nana is a bad person. so is my other grandma tbh my sister gets so pissed at her for ordering my mom around#like she treats her dog better than she ever did her kids. lol my grandparents just suck on both sides#and like everytime my parents r like go do things for ur grandparents im like fucking y? they're bad ppl#i dont kno how my parents r so normal#anyway wtf was i doing... ah right procrastinating#unrelated#srry for lack of drawings. just zero time 🫠#i lov my mum so much. she doesnt deserve any of this bullshit
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ppl just go on and fucking on abt how so many yans are just fakers while also being the least self aware ppl alive huh
#... servant's song ♪#going all no true scotsman on being a yan is lame and just makes u look like a pretentious asshole#some people are yans and also annoying. or kinda lame. and u gotta live with that sorry#most people in this community honestly kinda piss me off its so clearly casual for them but do u see me constantly whining? no#being dedicated to one person for 4+ years will make you roll your eyes at these one month max relationships with anons that always fail#i couldnt imagine ever letting him leave me. people talk a lot of big shit abt worming their way back into peoples lives and never act on it#tough shit! if he broke up with me id go on a killing spree! we'd be dying side by side!#whatever now this IS extended bitching time with ko so i will stop now#all being in the yan community has proven to me is no one will ever understand what me and hinata have. its sad but true#for a community built around deviation from relationship norms#yall seem to have a terrible relationship with people who deviate from the norm in other ways#ok now im REALLLY done sorry
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#it is actually rlly funny how quickly brain has just gone . Nope at the idea of even talking to * again#n its mostly bc i have recently gotten back into contact w someone i used to likenin high school. n im curious abt it oops#n that is conflicting 4 me rn . bc . yea i dunno#i cannot think abt it . i literallt just have to go w it atp. hes an odd character im ngl . but what else is new#just my type apparently. anyway .#* not showinh up to my place of workvthe last week has rlly been helping . n i fear . this mau not last Much Longer.#like . H . my bets on sunday honestly.#anyway . this job is Great but i am not immune to the Overstimulation apparwntly#that last 1.5hrs is ROUGH i hate the 7pm shift.#no aonder my coworkers Pissed vy the end of it . its Awful.#i gotta . talk to my manager and see if i can do two hald n gours bc otherwise . this Wont work#if it happens again.#like i gotta work the next 2 nights too i am just.#the paycheck is gonna be Worth It . Trust . i also get to drink on tuesday :)#n rest on monday.#also suffering through another 2wks of no skincare just so i can get lush#deserved atp sorry.#i do still gotta get toner n tampons tho. so . i do have to visit a ahopping centre next week .#all my bills are paid n i still have $120 left btw. do u know gow wild that is to me .#its all in cash so its Def Treat money#aka alcohol mostly. cocktails for Sure :)#but still within mt alcohol intake bc i cannot embarrass myself . i still work there#i am regretting . not adding tampons to my grocery list n i literally cant bc i cannot afford them#theres no money IN my bank acc anymore . im acc negative oops ✌#its chill . its only $3. which is fine .#5 days n then it gets paid off :)
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bfskflkdsjf
#why do i make such a big deal out of everything in my head#i feel like every once in a while i just come on and make a post like this LOL#but like why does it feel so big and bad and then i just gotta talk abt it for a sec but like#bro it all stems from idk what my relationship w this person on board is#i don't think she dislikes me and i like her but we're not close at all and i just kinda like don't know where i stand#i just like did technically her task for her bc she has two exams today and i feel bad that i like kinda overstepped#but i'm sure she's probably fine w it#but also idk bc i dont know her that well lol#but like it's rly not that big of a dealllllllll 😭😭😭#also bc i feel kinda awkward around her for no good reason just bc we never rly bonded dkjnfbdhsfkgjhdff#but i dont have her number so i can only dm her over discord and i dont think she checks that often#so anoter person on board who i was talking to abt stuff was like i'll just text her#and then like it's a whole thing when there's indirect communication coming one way and other direct communication the other way#and it just felt awkward bc she said one thing to the other person and then saw my message being like sorry jk im jus gonna do it#bc time sensitive 😭 and ik u have exams to worry abt and she told other person she would do it in a bit#but before that to both of them i was just like i'll just do it so we have it sooner rather than later but they didnt see that until after#and it literallyyyyyy DOESN'T MATTERRRRRRRRR but i hate that and it makes me feel bad lmfao#i just need to chill 💀#i'm happy i didn't have my lecture/lab section today bc i haven't done anything in that time#and i can say that it's fine bc i usually wouldn't have done anything in this time LMFAO#i just wish i was better friends w this person so i don't overthink every interaction i have with her like why is that necessary @ brain#idk how to liek make that happen tho i feel like we're both similarly like#comfortable in friend group and then don't branch out that much#or like a little awkward w branching out#idk bro i also feel like their friend group seems like the cool kids in our club lol not in a bad way#but for some reason i'm kinda intimidated/awkward around them#ugh anwyay .... i need to like get over this w her and def the prev director who i would also say is big in that firend group#bc i feel so awkward talkign to them and asking them things but they're probably the ppl i need to talk to the most#but my own fucking awkwardness is stopping me and i just need to shut up to myself lmao#anyway fucking that's over i need to go write 1000 words :DDD
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that post from last night just. wow i really am an asshole huh.
#crow talks#idk if i should even be tagging my talking tag for this post but.#shiiit.#think im gonna think abt it when im gonna move to my house.#just gonna let it simmer in my brain and. like. try to learn from it.#my god.#damn... im so so damn sorry for anyone i hurt.#irl and online jesus....#think im gonna start queueing(?) a bunch of post#idk if i spelled queueing right... but yeah#also gonna finish hayate's bday drawing and mashiro's#also kaoru's and miiko's#idk how long i wont have internet so i gotta start working on them
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Wer is grumpy jk! We badly need it 😫😭
summary: you and jungkook are getting closer, moving forward – but to where, exactly? what does that entail for your relationship?
w/c: 3.3k
note: this is for all the girlies who asked for part 2 for this drabble. nothing but fluff in here ): ive been thinking abt college jk lately and i lowkey like this grumpy!jk guy… basically this takes place two months after the first drabble u may read this amm for grumpy!jk for a brief bg on what their relationship has become before u go read this parr. anyway the ending is a bit diabolical and im saying sorry in advance
also pls listen to come here by kath bloom, its literally so them 😮💨😖
It’s almost natural the way Jungkook immediately slings his backpack on one shoulder, heads straight out of the lecture hall, and starts the almost ten-minute walk from his department building to yours the moment his last class for the day was dismissed.
He waits outside by the hallway along the lecture room, scrolling through his phone mindlessly, knowing that any minute now you’ll be coming out of the door.
And just as a slew of students’ chattering becomes louder, their heavy footsteps coming out from the hall, Jungkook instantly spots you; talking to a friend animatedly – Joy, maybe? – before you look to the other side and finally see him.
“Jungkook!” You exclaim with excitement, smiling up at him and even doing a little wave. Jungkook watches as you turn to your friend. “Sorry, I gotta go. Zoom meeting at five, right?” He hears you say before she nods, bidding your goodbyes to each other before she goes in the opposite direction while you saunter towards him with that usual dashing grin on your face.
Jungkook meets you halfway, lips curling up slightly at your enthusiastic greeting. Even more so when you don’t fight off the way he goes for your tote bag, taking it off your shoulder and wearing it on his own, the weight not adding that much to his own bag perched on his back.
He remembers the first time he tried to do it (awkwardly, might he add), and you vehemently refused. But Jungkook can be persistent sometimes when he wants to, and eventually you gave up trying to resist.
Currently, as you walk along the hallway out of your building, standing close together, Jungkook tries not to think too much about how easy this feels. Like it’s normal the way you immediately interlock your arm around his own, skipping a little bit upon your walk as you begin speaking.
“You really did cut your hair.” You marvel at him when he looks down at you. And he can’t help it; the blood rushing to his cheeks and certainly on his ears.
“I sent you a picture.” He simply says. It was yesterday. He originally went to his barber for just a trim but he remembers you saying something about a particular actor’s haircut… and look, it’s not like he was trying to look like that man but it may have influenced the decision a little bit…
Anyway, he thinks it looks okay on him. He trusts his barber and Hoseok said it suits him. From your response, you also said it looks nice.
And you tell him so. “I like it! You look so good. Especially with this frame!” You point to his eyeglasses, smiling up at him. “I was thinking you were just sending me a random picture last night.”
Jungkook chuckles. “I wasn't, and uh, thank you.”
“You're welcome. Anyway,” you say, “Did you wait for long earlier? Sorry ‘bout that. Prof. Shin had to extend a little bit ‘cause there were a lot of questions about our new project.”
“You have a new project?”
“Yeah, but nothing really heavy. Just a hotel lobby interior design. We got a week and it’s a paired task thing, that’s why you saw me with Joy earlier—”
He sees a flock of students ahead huddling by your side of the pathwalk, and because you have a tendency to not really pay that much attention to your surroundings, he takes you by the waist slightly to avoid bumping with them, causing you to stumble closer to him.
You crane your neck to look behind you for a moment, gaze falling back up to Jungkook with widened eyes. “Sorry.” you say with a jutted lip and a little frown.
“It’s okay.” Jungkook says with a reassuring smile. He means it. He likes being close like this and if you don’t watch your surroundings, he’ll just do it for you. He doesn’t mind.
You grin. “Anyway… I was saying, it’s a hotel interior. But! The thing is, it’s a themed hotel, which I’m really excited about ‘cause I’m tired of designing contemporary, luxury ones. They always tend to be so redundant.”
Jungkook nods. “I think so too. What’s the themed hotel about?”
“Have you heard of a film called Metropolis?” He shakes his head. You nod at that. “Well, yeah, me neither. At least a week ago. Prof gave it to us as an assignment and it’s a silent film from the ‘20s. A sci-fi tale, so very futuristic – at least for that time. So that’s the theme of the hotel, right, and Joy and I immediately thought of art deco.”
Jungkook intently listens as you go on about your initial ideas, and he doesn’t even have to worry about the terms he doesn’t understand because you always take time to explain it to him in layman’s. It’s funny, really, because ever since he’s learned that you study interior design and started to talk to him about it, he found himself taking interest in it as well. Two months ago, he couldn't have given a single care about a couple named Charles and Ray Eames and their weird chair called La Chaise, but here he is, anyway.
Maybe it’s because of the way you so passionately talk about it. Your zeal oozes out so much when it comes up as the topic of conversation, and there’s always been something about you that pulls people right in. And Jungkook’s at peace with himself now that he’s just one of those people.
He’s willing to be pulled right in, anyway. You don’t exactly make it hard to.
And Jungkook finds that the newfound dynamic between you two isn’t… so bad. He finds excitement at the prospect of seeing you after his classes are concluded, going to Fro-yo for a quick snack because you’re obsessed with it, and studying together at his place later in the day.
A lot of people would say he’s making up for all the times he’s ignored you. The times when he pretended to not care about you. The times when he was just unprovokedly mean and treated you the way he regrets now. And sure, it may have started that way. Ever since your Environmental Science project was finished and the term was over, Jungkook started to feel like he couldn’t go back to the life where you weren’t within his perimeter. Couldn’t imagine you both being back to – practically – regular strangers, so he just… opened up to you more.
He shares his own stories now. Tells you about his day after you do so, and invites you to Fro-yo and other cafes and restaurants around campus whenever your schedules align.
And maybe at first it was, indeed, because he was trying to make up for his past behavior – but that may have only been what he convinced himself of for the first few weeks. When the week stretched into months and the months suddenly involved you doing sleepovers at his place whenever his roommate, Hoseok, is not around, Jungkook is starting to question himself if this is all still about simply making it up to you.
Because frankly, he’s starting to feel like it's a little more than that.
He’s not just buying you frozen yogurt and helping you with any assignment (that requires his silly and minuscule math and science expertise) and letting you borrow and keep his hoodies and shirts whenever you sleep over because he’s trying to make up for the past – he’s doing all of these because he genuinely enjoys your company and would like to do more for you… with you… to you… and just… just more.
He wants more with you.
And every single day is a daunting battle for his internal mullings.
Because he knows he’s been stupid all this time not to realize right away that he’s got romantic feelings for you. That his confusion when it comes to you didn't come from the reason that you were extremely extroverted and had way too much energy – it was that those things made him like you and his little heart and brain couldn’t comprehend any of it the way he can easily wrap his head around math equations and concepts.
But he keeps himself on the sidelines. Thinks about keeping himself there until he’s sure of what you truly think about.
You’re always nice to him. But you’re kind of nice to everybody… so that gets him a little twisted.
On Monday, when you were supposed to hang out – when you usually sleep over at his place, you bailed on him to study with Jae, as per Taehyung's words, your mutual friend.
He just can’t tell if the way you treat him is different to the way you treat everyone else, and that’s what’s been on his mind lately.
“Oh, Kookie,” you say as soon as Jungkook takes out his keys, going for his keyfob when you arrive at the parking area. He looks at you in question, completely ignoring the way his heart flutters a little at the nickname. He kind of hates it, thinks it's too childish when other people call him that – but with you it sounds so much like an endearment, so he doesn't protest. You press your lips into a thin line before you say, “I can’t go to Fro-yo today. Joy and I agreed to have a zoom meeting later to start conceptualizing.”
“Oh,” Jungkook blinks. “Rain check?”
You pout. “Yeah.”
“You can do it at my place? Hoseok’s doing an all-nighter with his study group, so he won’t be there ‘til the morning.”
“But I didn’t bring my laptop today.”
With furrowed brows, Jungkook steps closer to you. “It’s alright. We can drive to your place, get your laptop then go to mine,” he smiles. “Sleepover?”
Jungkook doesn’t want to toot his own horn but he may have seen your face light up at that. But it comes off easily and he begins to worry.
“I want to, but I don’t want to impose.” You say.
Instantly, Jungkook’s forehead creases. “You won’t be imposing.” When he sees that you’re about to decline again, he lets out a, “Please?”
At that, you stop. You stare at him for a moment.
“Uh…” you trail off. “You sure? Are you not busy tonight?”
He shakes his head. “I’ll probably start on an assignment so we can be both busy–” you nudge his arm at that, laughing. “– but other than that, no. I’ll cook us something. Or do you want to get take-out instead?”
“I’d really, really appreciate your black bean noodles tonight.” You muse, looking at him like he holds the stars in the sky. With you gazing up at him like that, how can he say no?
“I think we have the ingredients in the fridge. Black bean noodles it is, then.” Jungkook says before you’re muffling your own squeal in your excitement, saying your little delighted “thank you” when Jungkook ushers you in the passenger seat after opening it for you.
He rounds the car before he settles on his side, and when he starts the engine, he can’t help but smile slightly at the way you lean comfortably on your seat, as if you’re so used to being in his car – which you are.
And Jungkook finds he likes that. He likes you that way; being used to being around him.
“You’re done?” Jungkook looks up from his computer, seeing you doing some arm stretches and leaning into his gaming chair to do it on your neck as well.
“Yep.”
“Then come here already.” He shuts his laptop close, places it on the bedside table, and pats the space on the mattress next to him.
It’s nearly 10pm and your zoom meeting with Joy went for nearly 4 hours. You got on it immediately after you two ate your dinner, and like clockwork, asked to borrow one of Jungkook’s shirts because your top was getting a little too uncomfortable on your body. You’ve both already showered – separately, of course – and that’s one of the many things that Jungkook smiles about when he enters his bathroom sometimes. Because the fact that you shower in his bathroom means your essentials are slowly making a space for themselves in his own place; the yellow cup holder of your toothbrush sits next to his blue one, and a bottle of your moisturizer is also in his lavatory cabinet.
“‘M so tired” You let yourself fall on the mattress, bouncing a little on it face down, sprawling across the bed like some starfish, your other hand landing on Jungkook’s abdomen.
“Meeting went well?” Jungkook asks, and he’s a little disappointed when you remove an arm on him, but that’s okay, because soon you’re leaning sidewards to properly look at him and it makes him smile to see you so cozy like this. Barefaced and in his shirt.
“Yeah, we got some work done,” You say. Jungkook watches as you try to get comfortable on your side of the bed. “I think I’m sleepy now.”
“Yeah?” He follows after you, and he doesn’t hide his huge smile when you go and turn your back to him immediately after he slides his arm under your neck, spooning you from behind. Snuggling closer to him, Jungkook wraps his other arm around your waist and lets out a contented sigh against the back of your head. “My first class is at one thirty pm tomorrow.”
“I have one at eight am. Then the next one is at ten.”
“Tough.”
“I know… I wish I didn’t enlist in morning classes.”
He chuckles, closing his eyes as he starts to feel that familiar lull of sleep dancing behind his eyes. But truth be told, he doesn’t want to give into that just yet.
“You were with Jae on Monday?” He asks, carefully treading through the subject. It’s Thursday now. It's not like Jungkook’s a jealous guy… it just kind of threw him off a little, because you didn’t tell him you were with Jae.
“Uh… yeah?” Jungkook feels you freezing in his arms. “How’d you know?”
“Taehyung told me.”
“Oh.” He can practically hear the wince. “He has such a big mouth.” You say drily.
That earns you a laugh from Jungkook. But he decides to take down the jokes for a more honest and open conversation with you tonight.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” It’s not accusatory. It’s soft and gentle, the way he asks it, with his thumb rubbing the exposed skin of your hip due to the hem of your – his – shirt riding up.
Your answer takes awhile.
“I was… getting help with estimates.”
“... Okay,” Jungkook tightens his hold around you, growing confused. “But I’m really good with estimates. I could’ve helped you.” It was easy math for him. And you never shied away from asking him for help before… why now?
“Well, he offered.”
Jungkook’s brows crease deeper. “That’s not…" he trails off, then continues, "You know you can ask me for anything, right? Jae’s not even on the dean's list. How’d you know he’s teaching you the right stuff?”
Silence hangs in the air before Jungkook hears your laughter. Shuffling in his arms, Jungkook loosens his hold around you to let you turn to him. When he sees your face, there's a huge grin on it.
“He’s not even on the dean’s list?” You sound intrigued.
Jungkook assumed you were curiously speaking, and so he nods, looking into your eyes seriously. “He isn’t. Look, I’m not saying–” when he notices your smile only getting wider by the second, he realizes you’re just trying to fuck with him, so Jungkook cuts himself off, letting out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I sound like an asshole.”
You scoot closer until both the front of your bodies are stuck. Jungkook tries not to think too much whether you’re wearing a bra underneath his shirt or not.
You shake your head. “Not really. I believe you’re way smarter than him.”
“Then why come to him and not me?”
You stare at him for a moment, then you let out a heavy breath. “I just feel like you’re doing so many things for me nowadays. You were also really busy on Monday– don’t deny it–” you say before he opens his mouth to oppose that. He shuts his lips close, listening to you go on instead. “– and I was just being considerate. Jae offered because we saw and sat next to each other at the library, and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to disturb you.”
Jungkook blinks, processing your words. After a pregnant pause, he slowly nods, still dumbstruck.
“Ah… okay. I understand.” he says, embarrassment slowly filling his system.
You smile at him. Playfully. “Sorry for asking help from someone who’s not on the dean’s list.” Jungkook drops his expression into a poker face at that, which makes you laugh even more. You nibble on your bottom lip before you stretch your hand to his cheek and pinch it. He doesn’t bother dodging your hand. With a giggle, you say, “Sorry, sorry. That was just so funny. You’re so funny without even trying sometimes, you know?”
“Not really.” Jungkook says and you can tell the tell-tale signs of his grumpiness starting to kick in.
What he doesn’t expect is the way you suddenly squeal and launch yourself on top of him, causing him to lie fully on his back with you sprawled all over his body, hugging him tight and burying your face in his chest.
“You’re so cuddly and warm. Can we stay like this for awhile?” You break away from his chest and look at him from a low angle.
Jungkook meets your gaze.
Sure, you’ve been cuddling (platonically) all these past few months – but they never went to this length. And he’s not sure what the difference is, anyway – just that you’re much closer like this and Jungkook can feel everything. Still, that doesn’t deter him from wrapping his arms around your waist, slightly locking you in the position. Quite frankly, he doesn’t even want you to move.
“Alright.” Is his simple answer. Not like he needed to think about it.
“I’ll sleep now, okay?” But you don’t wait for his response before you lay on his chest again with your cheek pressed on his hoodie.
Because the moment just feels right somehow, Jungkook lets his hand wander on your head. Then slowly, he lets his fingers comb through the strands of your hair, tentatively at first, lest you didn’t want him touching you or something like that – but once he hears a sound akin to a purr coming from you, he continues and finds himself getting comforted by the action as well.
“The Jae thing really bothered you?” You ask suddenly, not breaking away from the position you’ve assumed on top of his body. But your words are slightly slurred in the haze of sleep.
Jungkook hums. “Yes.”
“Sorry for not telling you myself.”
“It’s okay,” Jungkook reassures you. His gaze falls to the ceiling, hand still caressing your hair. The surface is empty, and there’s not really much going on. Meanwhile, in your own bedroom, you have those glow in the dark star stickers pasted on your white ceiling. He’s never slept over there, but he thinks it would be nice to lay under your makeshift galaxy with your homely scent surrounding the two of you. “Are you not gonna ask why I was bothered?” He says after a beat.
“I was gonna. But I think I know.” You answer, and Jungkook doesn’t expect that one bit.
He stops his ministrations on your hair, and it’s obvious that you’re about to question it when you suddenly peel your face away from his chest again.
When you do, Jungkook meets your gaze and with a leveled tone, he asks the question he’s been mulling about for the past two months.
“__, what are we?”
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when we agree on smth for once 😩
#I can never actually talk to ppl abt fandom which is very lonely bc like how else would I talk to people#but it’s highkey better for me to be very lonely than to just act like a jerk so y’know#fandom as a microcosm for all relationships obviously but#it’s even dumber of me to be so emotional and potentially jerky abt something that isn’t even real#and also fandom is a lot more available to me than irl friends ofc#tldr im terrible so i like to do like minimal exposure of that to others lmao#if I talked to ppl here more you would all hate me so much#which is why I like tags bc i guess if you’re reading them you understand that it’s not actually important or anything#plus my tags are so convoluted idk if they even make sense#plus I can’t see them that well lmao#idk why I’m like that but I am so gotta contain it#jus talkin#I wish I could like put fandom feelings in writing but it’s very very hard to make the words work especially right now but also always#I mean I still try but rn I can’t get anything finished and even when I do finish fics I never feel like I said all I wanted to#anyway!!!! sorry if you read this!
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nothing like a good cry to make me sleep like a baby goddamn
#wish id gotten another hour or two of sleep but cant have everything#just gotta get thru today and then i have the gymmm#and if i get too brain fogged ill play er instead#ill watch movey at the weekend instead ill ask if any of the others are actually interested#its fine if she didnt like it but i shouldve known she wouldnt and clearly she knew that too like she was so reluctant#like girl next time if u dont wanna watch smth just say. i gave u the option to refuse or suggest smth else#not her fault but annoys me sometimes how my friends are just an extension of her. she calls the shots innit#and whenever shes talking abt n complimenting them its always for like. being chill and never disagreeing w her#or being quiet n a good listener so she can yap uninterrupted. like we get it girl u like ppl u can walk all over and they dont mind#sorry i cant be like that! i got things to say too + if i disagree sometimes im gonna voice that cuz im not friends solely to please u??#whatever its cool tho. if theyre happy theyre happy. i cant bend myself backwards into a different person to fit in w them#this is probs misdirected irritability anyway ill feel better in a few hrs when meds kick in#.diaries#splitting headache too i hope i have paracetamol with me
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