#i just got real complicated feelings about them for reasons i honestly don't really understand like i want to get more into them though

[elisedonut]

fun fact about me

In highschool I went through a phase where I would not watch/read anything if it had an m/f ship for any main character

So I pretty much went a whole 2 years only watching/reading either cute girls/boys doing cute things anime , Yaoi, Yuri, or idol anime(read imas and then love live when it came out)

[topazadine]

Okay, okay, here's perhaps my spiciest and most controversial take yet.

Now, before I even say anything, please note that I am talking specifically about fantasy. Not retellings of myths, not historical fiction set in different countries, nothing like that. This is for second-world fantasy, where you're creating a whole different world.

Ready?

Stop making everything so damn complicated!

This is not to say that you can't have a rich and exciting world filled with lore, religion, different societies, traditions, unique geographies. Not that. Of course we want that: it's the whole reason we read fantasy. I'm talking about something else.

This is my simple takedown, and you can read the rest to better understand what I mean:

Stop jamming your story with five billion weird words.

Don't use super complicated nouns.

Keep the characters to a minimum so we can know and like them.

Don't yammer on about all the backstory.

Stop making readers do homework just to understand things.

Focus on the feeling a story gives instead of the intricate worldbuilding.

And lastly, a pre-emptive note to those who are putting their hackles up and telling me why they are an exception.

Why is it important to keep things simple?

A lot of people shy away from fantasy because they assume that every fantasy story is going to be so complicated that their head will hurt. Not in terms of plot - many people like complicated plots - but in terms of terminology and history. Things that ultimately don't really matter to the plot.

We as writers often assume that everyone cares about our story as much as we do and is equally captivated by every detail. This is simply not true.

To your reader, your story is not their life's work: it is entertainment that they want to be able to enjoy at their leisure. It's a distraction from their difficult lives and all their real-world frustrations. If they get really into it and, say, write fanfic or whatever, that's amazing! But they're not likely to do that if they feel like they'll be jumped on for doing something wrong or that they have to include every single little detail.

For example, I wrote over 1 million words of Touken Ranbu fanfic. Touken Ranbu, at its heart, has a very simple premise: you've got a bunch of legendary swords that were turned into hot men and fight evil time-traveling monsters. You can understand it with just that. There are layers to it, though, that you can slowly untangle. That makes for good writing because it works on multiple levels depending on how much you care about it.

I would have given up on the story if I felt like I needed a dictionary just to understand the plot. Most people would. Language needs to be accessible and premises need to be clear, or no one is going to want to go deeper.

Subtle little details that people can pick up are way more enjoyable than tossing every single factoid at people so that they feel overwhelmed and can't think. It's wonderful to have rich layers of symbolism, mythology, etc. That's excellent. But you can only get people to care about those things if they can actually comprehend your damn story.

A lot of the things that turn people off from fantasy are all about a writer's ego, and it oozes through the work. People can tell that you're wanting them to pat you on the back for putting so much shit in your story. It's annoying and a total turn-off when you make readers work so hard to comprehend what you're saying.

So what exactly am I talking about? This.

Using made-up terms for everything that could easily be explained with a normal English word

When I am writing fantasy, I imagine myself as a translator. After all, my made-up societies have their own made-up language (Seinish) that is referenced a few times.

However, I'm not using Seinish words all the time. I'm writing in English. I didn't write out a Seinish dictionary or even come up with most of the terms because, honestly? Most readers don't care. They want to understand what's going on in as simple of terms as possible, with only a few specific terms that remind us that we're somewhere different.

I may use some specialized terminology, but it's always couched in context clues that make us aware of what it is without actually having to just say "sdlkjfslkdjf, also known as a marketplace."

For example, in The Eirenic Verses, the High Poet Society has religious centers called meronyms. (Which actually isn't a made-up word.) We know they're religious centers because we see all the religious leaders living there. Someone sees the term "meronym" and goes "oh yeah, that's the religious place" and moves on.

It's one of the only confusing, specialized terms in the book other than place names, which people expect whenever they're reading fantasy. Because of that, it stands out and is easy to remember. It's not one of 1029310283012830132 different terms someone has to remember in order to follow along.

Even Tolkien, famed for literally writing an entire extra book full of lore for his stories, doesn't really use that much specialized terminology except for place names. My favorite author, China Mieville, only uses specialized terminology for things that have absolutely no basis in our reality and that can't be explained otherwise. And he's an extremely eloquent guy who uses the weirdest words possible whenever he can. If he can write a book that's mostly comprehensible without a cheat sheet, you can too.

If there is an English term for what you are trying to explain, just use that, for the love of god. The point of writing a story is not to show how smart and special you are: it is to tell a story. You need to remove as many barriers to access as possible.

Things that get a pass and can be made up most, if not all, of the time:

Place names (as in specific places, not categories of things)

Peoples' names

Languages

Species that don't exist in our world

Modes of transportation that don't exist in our world

Magic that can't be explained in any other way

Technology that can't be defined by our language

Look, if you have an animal that is basically a dragon, just call it a dragon. If you've got a wheeled carriage, call it a carriage. Call earth magic something based in earth terms, like "terravitae" or something, idk. There should be some connection to our world in your terminology because you are writing this in English for an English-speaking audience.

It doesn't make you a lazy writer, it makes you one that wants people to understand what you're talking about. Again, imagining yourself as a translator is a good way to keep yourself from going ham on the nouns.

Proper nouns that are way too complicated

Let's look at some well-known proper nouns from fantasy.

Middle Earth

Narnia

Earthsea

Discworld

Westeros

Ankh-Morpork

Bas-Lag

Wonderland

They're all ... simple. They're not a million syllables with weird intonations and accents and all that. If you showed this to a medieval peasant, they'd probably be able to pronounce them and would likely understand that they were place names.

Unless there's a good reason to have a weird name, don't use one. Come up with something simpler.

All of these I mentioned are three syllables or less, making them easier to remember. In fact, I'd argue that nearly every proper noun in your book should be no more than three syllables. Maybe one or two four-syllable ones.

Any very weird name should be balanced out by several easier ones so that it stands out.

40 million characters

Younger writers often want their world to feel very lived in, so they introduce dozens of characters with their own names, descriptions, backstories, etc etc etc. The problem is that this is a huge mental load on your reader, especially if a lot of the characters have very similar names. It makes reading your stuff into a chore rather than an enjoyable experience.

Now, some literary greats do have a lot of characters. But they get away with it because they're great.

I'm not great, so I don't do that.

I'd also suggest that you don't do that, regardless of how good you think you are.

To see if you have too many chracters, write out a dramatis personnae and rank it in terms of importance. Does your top tier have like 15 characters? Cut some. Figure out where they are in the story and if they don't exist for more than a few pages, delete them. Absorb them into someone else.

If a character is only in one scene, don't bother naming them. They don't matter enough. This reduces the cognitive load for your reader because they can see that character for what they are: a background person who exists only briefly.

Any time you name a character, they need to have deep plot relevance. The more unusual your character's name, the more important they should be. And they should have some sort of relationship to another character, preferably the main character. Otherwise, why are they there? Why do we care? Go away!

Way too much backstory

I am an adult and my brain is filled with 50 million other things. I have to remember stuff for my job, I have a to-do list, I have family I care about who needs me.

Your story is not the end-all be-all of my existence. Hell, my story is not the end-all be-all of my existence either. I want to be able to pick up your book, understand what's going on, and then delve a bit deeper or even make up my own headcanons.

I do not need the entirety of your story's world thrown at me right off the bat. It is overwhelming and tiring. Imagine if you visited a different country and someone immediately came up to you and started spewing the whole history of the country right after you stepped off the plane. That's what you're doing to your readers!

Think also about how you approach your everyday world. Do you reel off a million facts about your personal history the instant you meet someone? No, of course not. It'd be weird and creepy.

Are you constantly recalling facts about your city while walking down the street? Do you even know any major facts about your city? You probably know a few little trivia points and that's it. Because it's not relevant to you, and it's not relevant to your readers, either. I can't recall off the top of my head when Cleveland was settled, but I can tell you that we have the world's first Dunkleosteus fossil in our museum, because that is interesting to me. That's the kind of thing that makes a place feel lived-in, not four hundred thousand pages of exposition about the place's history.

Give your readers time to settle in, and reveal things slowly as they make sense. Maybe we hear a little bit about the country's government as they pass a parliament house, or because they have to visit the city center for a different reason. If it's not pertinent to the current scene, then don't put it there.

I've got tons of lore for my world. Some of it may be referenced one singular time, and some of it may be never referenced at all. That's okay, because it's just for me to get a better sense of the place I created. If a reader doesn't need it, then I don't bother putting it in, because it might detract from their enjoyment.

Overall: stop making your readers do homework!

We do not want our readers to feel like they are working when they are reading our stuff. Excellent writers can infuse deep themes and symbology into their stories without making it feel like work. These are the writers who are remembered forever, because not only have they made a good story that you can enjoy at a surface level, but they have also twined in deeper themes that you can dive into after you've digested the story.

I did my undergrad in British literature, so I read a lot of Shakespeare and contemporaneous authors. Shakespeare is considered complicated by modern standards because of the Elizabethan language, but if you translated it into modern terms, his stories are simple. People betray each other and stab each other, or fuck each other, or get transported to weird magical worlds.

You could watch a Shakespeare play and think absolutely nothing of the themes, but still enjoy the story. You could know absolutely nothing about Greek history and still get the gist.

This is because Shakespeare specifically wrote his plays to appeal to a mass audience. He was a god-tier author when it came to balancing symbology and plot. To be like Shakespeare, be simple. Remember that your reader does. not. really. care. all that much. They don't.

It's very unlikely that your writing is going to become someone's life's work and they're going to spend their whole existence studying. Cool if true, but unlikely.

Your job is to make a story that people like and want to read. Only when you've gotten people liking and reading do you get permission to go ham with the backstory and the characterization and the weird names, because they trust you to create a story that they will like. Otherwise, your primary objective is making people feel things so they want to feel more things and read more stories.

People care more about how a story makes them feel than the specifics

Yes, of course there are outliers to this who really want every single detail of the world, but those are few and far between. You should not tailor your story to these exceptions. Think about the average everyday person.

I have many books that I love, but I can't tell you everything about them now. I can, however, tell you how I felt when I was reading them: the plot twists that made me gasp, the thing that made me cry. I can give you a general, sweeping impression of whether I liked or disliked the story and what made me feel something. This is what people recommend books based on: how they felt.

Your story should focus on the plot and the emotion. People watch movies, listen to music, read books, or look at art to feel something, not to memorize factoids for later usage. Even if they do want to memorize factoids, they won't do that if they haven't built an emotional connection to the story.

While in life, we want facts over feelings, it's opposite in creative writing. We want feelings over facts. The emotional resonance, the mood, the characters, the plot: that is what is important, not showing off how smart you are and how much you have thought about your story.

"But Topazadine, I am special and different! I'm not going to follow your advice."

Sure. Go ahead. I can't stop you. If you want to have a million characters and an entire dictionary to explain everything, that is your choice.

No one can tell you how to write; my advice is just advice.

If you don't like what I have said here, then feel free to ignore it. You don't need to justify it to me or anyone else.

However, you must recognize that this may not resonate with readers. It will turn people off.

I'm not a completionist, and neither are many others; they'll roll their eyes and click out when they are faced with ten pages of character names upfront.

Of course you should always write for yourself first, but if you are planning to write fiction for any level of commercial appeal and you intend to make any amount of money on your work, then audience does matter. If you want kudos or comments on your AU, audience matters. You won't get engagement if you are alienating people.

Your writing decisions are always your own and no one can demand you do something different. You just need to decide whether your personal satisfaction in writing your story in a certain way outweighs your desire for validation, and, perhaps, money. I can't tell you the answer for that; it's up to you.

If you enjoyed this, maybe you'll consider reading my fantasy book, 9 Years Yearning, which does not have 121238103 characters and 3230123 strange words. It does, however, have double-tsundere-mutual-pining-gay-boy-awakening. And horses. It's also just $3.

[flilisskywalker]

I guess what keeps me up at night is asking what's the point of Sabine's search for Ezra, like... as an emotional arc.

(This text is an adaptation of the thread I wrote on Twitter)

Because when I rewatch the fourth season of Rebels, I get the impression that they are paired together in many episodes as a way to prepare us for a hurtful goodbye between the two at the end of the show, which is to me the same reason why they decided to go heavy on confirming Kanan and Hera's romance because they knew he was going to die.

I don't really know if the parallels between Sabezra and Kanera are intentional considering how Filoni talks about the former, but Ezra does become Kanan (even has a whole stretch arms sacrifice) and Sabine does become Hera (Deep grief for losing him) and not in a "The kid got this from his/her parent." sense, but in the sense of that the situation is really similar, which is interesting because it wasn't like this originally.

Ahsoka made Sabine's grief towards Ezra not being by her side all the time a thing.

Instead of simply letting Sabine's mission be about bringing Ezra home like in the original animated epilogue, Filoni complicates things a little bit by implying that Sabine is not doing this for Ezra, but for herself. Beyond that, almost every character notices how devoted she is to him and it even confuses some of them.

Thrawn, for example, has studied Sabine. He is well aware that Ezra is her compatriot and friend and yet... he is confused by her choice. Sabine states "You wouldn't understand." and then accepts to be stranded on Peridea just to see Ezra again. Once she found him and even after hearing he wants to get home, she did not say a word about Thrawn being his only ticket home. Instead, she simply enjoys time with him.

If you know Sabine Wren, you know that she would never ignore a huge Imperial threat and put in danger people like Hera, who is definitely an older sister type of role model to her, or feel that Ezra is the only family she has, so I do understand why people think she is very distant from the original show.

There might be a reason for all of this. A reason that I'm not sure Filoni wants to dive into, but the way he's been writing Sabine, the vagueness every time Ezra is the conversation's topic, feels like she has fallen in love with him during his absence and honestly? This makes far more sense than any other explanation.

We've seen in Star Wars before, fiction in general, that love is blind. Sabine's focus on finding Ezra is described by Baylan as something that blinds her. Not only this would justify her out of character attitude, but also the parallels with Kanan and Hera.

Star Wars live-action TV shows this year have been interesting to decode. In both The Mandalorian season 3 and Ahsoka season 1, there's a lot of subtle implications that characters want to build a life with somebody.

Mando does this in Chapter 22 - Guns For Hire, an episode surrounded by romantic love, where a droid bartender tells Din and Bo that human life is so short and then they look at each other. They want to be together, but that has not been verbalized yet. It is still very much in the subconscious.

Ahsoka does it in Part 7 - Dreams and Madness, by showing Sabine's lack of urgency regarding Thrawn and simply enjoying Ezra's company. It really implies that this was what her mission was all about: Be with Ezra. Her real desire is build a life with him, but that desire is still in the subconscious.

I believe Favreau knows all of that when it comes to Din and Bo.

BUT DOES FILONI KNOW THAT WHEN IT COMES TO SABINE AND EZRA?

[noxale]

Why people like "Ascension" from a psychological point of view.

\N: A message from me, the post itself starts with the word "START". Hi, It's not my post and it's not my words. But I think it would be helpful to understand it. I can see how the situation already seems better (?) maybe I just don't go on reddit. But I feel like this post just still needs to be. From myself I want to say thank you to all neutral, calm players and just those who have fun. Thank you Ascension scares\dont like a lot of people, but people aren't picking it because they want dom-sex (not the only reason for sure) and haven't understood anything "character theme" with their head. Things are different, complicated and there can't be just one theme. Everyone has their own emotions and life experiences. Stephen Rooney didn't dictate the character's theme like in class. Also, the BG3 game is positioned "...or make chaos in the world, you decide", "Great paths of evil". Hi's neutral Author to both endings. Evil and Good - you play hero or villain. Here's how I understand it.

layered and complex. For example: Poetic justice for neutral evil, in an evil way it is evil, and still complex (not black and white). Power (just any power) corrupts, ambition as Jupiter - dangerously. Freedom is nice, permissiveness - not so much (but this game is all nice).

But that's not what we're talking about. Here's a little essay, (a little emotional, but emotions are like that) why people do "Ascension" from a psychological point of view. START\\\

You know what, i wrote this "little" essay and decided to leave in some treads on Asc Astarion, because I got triggered and annoyed by this drama enough to feel like i need to share some thoughts about toxic vampire love thing in name of education for everyone. If you like it, feel free to repost it anywhere you want. (\\\N: which I do)

So, what this dark romance fantasy is about for me personally, (even though i prefer spawn romance, i absolutely understand the appeal of asc Astarion because honestly, i was all about this kind of romance during my childhood and teenage years, hardocore the Phantom of the Opera girl is here, inside your head) and why it's also healing route for some players, and no, it's not about kinky vampiric banging.

1) A lot of people feel extremely worthless and insecure, lonely, like no one really cares for them at all. It's a very deep wound that hurts and it's difficult to overcome even in perfectly loving, healthy and supportive relationship with a good partner, and even with therapy. So fantasy about a vampire, being obsessed with you so much that he is ready to do absolutely anything just to be with you for forever is really comforting. Also, you don't have to think too much about your imperfections, because for him you like a center of his vampire heart. Besides, you sympathise with him - it's like a selfcomfort mirror, i love this monster despite everything, so in a way, i accept myself despite any flaws i see in me. 2) Safety. When the world around you feel like a wilderness, full of monsters, it feels like only the most terrifying loving monster can protect you from it. He is powerful and protective, and i am so precious to him, that he will set the world on fire just so i would be safe. 3) Responsibility. As you may see, this kind of relationship have daddy issues vibes and codependency, and in real life, you can't just fully submit safely to anyone, I don't think i have to explain why it's a dangerous idea to seek this kind of relationships in real life. You have to stay a grown up independent person and seek safety for yourself without expecting someone to come and heal all your wounds. But this is fantasy, so finally you can use this as a comfort fantasy with no fear about being taking advantage of, without shame to be called childish and etc. 4) Independence. Spawn ending is very terrifying for anyone who has issues with feeling safe and independent, because some of us prefer violent power fantasies over "we have each other and that's all that matters", second of all, this ending also has some shady co-dependency undertone to it that can be triggering for some people. I love Spawn Astarion a little bit more more than Asc and yet my heart stayed absolutely broken after running away from the sun scene, and i hate that he is so dependent on Tav. Larian owes me some emotional refund after this.

5) SA trauma: it wasn't even seen as possibility for healing way by writer, but it is for some. Asc Astarion feels like he is the most powerful creature in the world, and he is fully controlling everything that happens between him and Tav, so finally, it's a kind of situation where there is no chance of him being abused again. It's one of the reasons why some people become Doms in BDSM-dynamic relationships: finally, full control of the process and a partner, who trusts then enough to fully submit, trust issues is also big deal in Astarion story of healing. I find idea that that only Subs can enjoy Asc Astarion a little bit naive. Because, well, some news for you: Doms like it too because they understand why he is so eager to be a top :D Unrealistic, not the healthiest way? Probably! But this man and this love is not real anyway. Yes, i think many of us, especially folks who went through therapy and a lot of self-reflecting are already aware that it's basically romanticized version of narcissistic obsession and in real life this is creepy, but it's not real, it's a fantasy. People use BDSM to heal, romance books and all other forms of art to deal with their inner demons and it's absolutely normal. Even if someone is blind to see what is wrong with Asc Astarion, I highly doubt that toxic bucket of shame and aggression are able to help see anyone problematic side of things. Do you know who is usually up to romanticize toxic dynamic in romance? Victims of abuse. In real life, if you just scream and yell at any poor girl/boy/whatever about how stupid they are for believing that their abusive partner really loves them, people will either break down and cry or tell you to f!ck off and they will have every right to do so, but they won't see what's wrong with their partner,in whom quite often victims of abuse see their only source of love and safety in life. Hells, I am so sick and tired from this "white cloak knight saviour from cycle of abuse" toxic flood in this fandom. If you really want to educate people - do it with extreme care and compassion. Real life healing is not working like it's with Astarion in the game,few right dialogs and boom, dude is on the right path. It takes enormous amount of patience and love, be kind to one another, and stay safe, darlings. Being toxic on Asc fans you are not helping anyone, you just hitting your superiority complex button in your ---. To heal others with their lethal dose of poison, it's hilarious /Sorry for the wall of text, sorry for grammar, English is not my first language/

\N: That's it. I hope this essay makes someone realize that those who choose Asc also have deep feelings, thoughts, and personal experiences in life. They have the right to think differently deep than most about video game, history, and any art. And discussing the canon to in different ways. It's Dark Fantasy, complex topics. So especially The Canon. I am enjoy learning new, different opinions. Also I hope this helps anyone who has felt uncomfortable with the toxic wave. I'm going to try very hard not to look at the responses to this post for my personal calmness. All the Best\

[toxicsludgeyaoi]

Toxic Sludge Yaoi Tournament: Ivantill (Alien Stage) Vs Drake (The Music Freaks)

(Vote for whichever ship you like more.)

Propaganda under cut. Note: spoilers for these medias may be below.

Ivantill propaganda

"SO BLAAAACK BLACK AS IT CAN BEEEEE.... anyways. These two are so.... <333. They're stuck in a music competition where if you lose you die. Ivan doesn't show much emotion but truly comes alive when he's around or talking about Till. Till is rebellious and is often beat by the aliens holding them hostage. Till is also in love with a girl named Mizi. Who is in a relationship. Yeah.... Ivan tried to escape with Till, and they almost made it out, but Till went back for Mizi and now they're stuck. Till and Ivan are going against each other in the next round of the competition and I'm so scared guys"

Drake propaganda

"There is literally a 0.1% chance they'll get in because it's a random YouTube gacha life series but I swear ITS GOOD!! It has good voice acting and good animation (especially once it gets to ep5 and onward), it has really good characters and writing (albeit very cliche)I swear!!. Oh well. A delusional demonic soul can hope

Also, Jake is the protagonist, so we know a lot more about him than we do about Drew, which means his actions might seem more "justified" because we're more aware of his background. And also, he just has more background in general so it's a bit easier to summarize his story. But there are multiple sides to this bond

So basically, Jake and drew are both complicated characters with their own issues. They were both best friends who weren't fully honest with each other and who recently "broke up" in the finale. They both did good and bad and bad-but+understandable things that ruined their relationship.

I am honestly kind of tired, because I have summarized the plot of TMF more times than I could count on my fingers, but I suppose I'll have to work up he strength, otherwise literally no one will even bother voting them. (If it gets into the bracket in the first place)

So basically, Jake got bullied in middle school for his passion for singing. Afterwards he got really insecure of himself, since the bullying was most definitely heavy. He didn't have any friends, until drew came into his life. Drew didn't know about Jake's passion for music, but out of fear for being made fun of again, Jake decided not to share that part of him. Drew was also one of those bullies who made fun of the schools music club, and called them freaks, though he never knew JAKE liked music, so. Jake basically was desperate for a friend and would sacrifice his real identity to simply please drew, especially since Jake KNEW drew bullied music lovers, while Drew never knew about Jake's passion and continued to obliviously make fun of the Music club, HOWEVER. later on in the show we realize that Jake faking his personality around drew would inevitably ruin their relationship. Howevereuif

Drew himself most likely has a form of separation anxiety and attachment issues, and he canonically has control issues evident by many of his actions. We don't know why yet, we can make theories, and it's probably gonna get revealed in season 2, but many people theorize his parents are neglectful so he seeks attention from others, as well as has underlying anxiety related to others leaving him. It's just a theory though, however it makes sense. In the show, we see him making fun of the music club, and Jake making fun of the music club with him too, because Jake is scared that drew will leave him if Jake is revealed to be one of those music freaks. This is toxic because Jake simply can't be himself around drew. But there's more reasons why they're toxic. Jake lied to Drew about who he was, which most definitely hurt Drew because he felt lied to and he felt manipulated, but st the same time drew was ALSO manipulative and possessive over Jake, and he was the one to make Jake feel like he can't be himself in the first place, so it's toxic both ways (but it's a little kore toxic coming from Drew's side). 

Now why is this a ship? I'll also have to explain this (before summarizing more of the plot hehe) basically Drew's possessiveness and clinginess could be perceived as him being romantically attracted to Jake, as well as the fact that he blushed when the topic of him being jelous of Jakes new friends came up, and he didn't even deny it, he just said "shut up!" Ok gay plum. It's also a ship bc of his attached they are though they're definitely toxic. It's not canon, and Drew's feelings are probably never going to be officialized, however, a demonic soul can hope.

Now onto further plot summary (what I summarized before was just the some of the backstory summarization, nothing else, were barely getting started): at one point, Jake joins the music club. Bc of his girl crush. OK YES Jake has a canon girl crush, which kinda ruins this ship it though this ship is prolly one sided anyway lmao. But doesn't matter. Basically Jake is crushing on his girl daisy, and at one point when a band competition is announced, Jake really feels appelled to sign up for their schools music club, however because of DREW, he felt like he COULDNT. so instead he sang an emo song on the rooftop, and then got caught by daisy. Daisy told him that he shouldn't let hid talent to go to wastel and that he should join the music club, and Jake impulsively tells her hell join the club. However he regrets it bc he feels like DREW, someone who's supposed to be his BEST FRIEND, is going to make fun of him for it. This is not healthy bruh. But anyhow - he still decides to join the club, and then he tells drew about it, but says that he joined the band JUST so he could perform at the competition and "win daisy over" because he's been meaning to ask her out. He has to use excuses in order to feel safe performing his passions, wow. Jake still feels the need to hide his passions, and he tells drew that he's just doing it for daisy, and after the competition hell simply leave the club. However all of that is simply lying. Jake lied to much, because of his insecurities, which caused further damage in his and Drew's bond. Jake actually WANTED to be a part of the Music club, the exact one drew would make fun of, Jake actually felt like family there. However obviously he couldn't open up about it to drew. So as time goes on in the show, drew starts feeling more and more obviously jealous. He also gets more and more progressively depressed and distant, because of the jealousy. Jake starts spending more time with the music club, while drew doesn't WANT him to be at the club, drew wants Jake ti be right by his side. And gets quite annoyed with the lack of attention he's received from him. Angsty jelly bf. Jake however never tells him that he's pursuing his passion and drew should be proud of him!!. Bit uhshhdidodd

More time passes, the competition is nearing, and drew is getting really really tired and jelous of Jakes lack of attendance in his life. Drew then proceeds to try and manipulate Jake into getting out of the music club, and got him to say a bunch of hurtful things about the club as well, so drew tried to convince both Jake AND himself that the music club is actually the one manipulating Jake into staying eitt them and spending less time with drew. Oh also I forgot to mention - they were all at Drew's house, by "all of them" I mean drew and Jakes other friends I'll call the jomies (Jake x homies). So basically one of the jomies decided to record the bunch of hurtful things Jake said about the club, y'know that drew pressured Jake into saying. Drew didn't record nor did he know about one of the jomies recording Jake but yeah. Drew still wanted to manipulate Jake into leaving the club anyway.

So long story short, one of the jomies proceed to send the recording to the music club, so the music club felt understandably upset at Jake especially since they've all been bullied in the past and had their trust broken, and so basically drew indirectly broke Jake and the music club up. Though this worked in Drew's favour because he WANTED the rift between them to happen. But also remember drew never knew about Jake's passion. For singing. 

Later on stuff happen, yada yada, Jake apologizes to the music club VERY, VERY publicly (the whole school heard them), and drew gets annoyed yet again, because like I said, drew is a jelly bf, he wants jakey all to himself, he is tired of Jake constantly talking about the music club, he feels like Jake cares more about the club than he does about HIM. which sucks because drew is very hungry for attention dye to his possible crappy home life. After Jakes apology, when the music club decided to forgive them, drew decided to get into an "argument" with Hailey, one of the music club members (by argument I mean drew literally just started yelling at her lmao). Then Jake decided to break up the fight. I also forgot to mention that Jake cares boh about the jomies AND the music club. He wants to be friends with both of them. But jomies and TMC don't. So then drew and Jake start arguing and yada yada I'm EXTREMELY tired my head hurts I don't think I can continue blabbering.... but UHM. Basically drew felt manipulated and betrayed. Jake was manipulated. They were both manipulative due to their own issues, and they both struggle deeply in this toxic bond. What is more toxic yaoi than that?"

So much angsty love breakup songs fit them, it hurts /pos

Never thought I'd write this much about a random gacha life series dam (pls watch it even though i practically spoiled everything)

[pynkhues]

curious as to your thoughts on the may december discourse (some spoilers i guess) - vili has come out and essentially said that he felt the film contributed to his victimization and hurt him. and the response from a lot of film twitter seems to be to yell ITS NOT A BIOPIC and to say he doesnt understand the film (gross). i feel like i dont really care if its a biopic or not, when the film literally quoted vili/mary kay, recreated the mary kay in prison photo exactly, and both charles melton and julianne moore studied vili/mary kay for their performances. to hand wave that all as "not a biopic" feels like a way of writing off any discomfort. i feel like the film should not have made those specific choices, but having done so they had a duty of care to vili. i dont think the film that ended up getting made is worth the continued trauma to vili even if it is art. there were other ways they could have told the story to minimize the harm and they chose not to - and i dont think that choice is a great commentary on tabloids or whatever, its just a ghoulish thing to do

I did see that, anon, and I do have thoughts on it as it's a real grey area in terms of creative license, art and storytelling, and it's a grey area that's been around really since storytelling existed, but before I get into that I just want to quickly clarify what Vili said, because I do think it's important.

Vili didn't say that the film contributed to his victimisation and hurt him, he said the film offended him because it was a ripoff:

“I’m still alive and well,” says Fualaau, now 40 and still living in the Seattle area, where the scandal unfolded. “If they had reached out to me, we could have worked together on a masterpiece. Instead, they chose to do a ripoff of my original story. “I’m offended by the entire project and the lack of respect given to me — who lived through a real story and is still living it,” he adds.

“I love movies �� good movies,” he says. “And I admire ones that capture the essence and complications of real-life events. You know, movies that allow you to see or realize something new every time you watch them. “Those kinds of writers and directors — someone who can do that — would be perfect to work with, because my story is not nearly as simple as this movie [portrays],” Fualaau adds.

The reason I think this distinction is an important one to make is because in interviews since Mary Kay Letourneau passing, it's pretty clear that Vili - while absolutely being a victim-survivor - doesn't see himself that way, and even says pretty specifically in his Doctor Oz interview from 2020 that he doesn't see her as a predator or himself as having been preyed on ('there was no perversion...she was my wife and my best friend' are his exact words), and he's pretty clearly open to the idea of a film being made about his story.

I'm not saying this to diminish his feelings about May December at all (I strongly believe that Vili is entitled to feel any and every which way about the film) or to patronise his own understanding of what he experienced - I can't even begin to imagine the complexity of trying to unpack the life he shared with her - but I think it's important to reflect his feelings accurately and to provide a little context to those feelings.

With that said, do I think the creative team should've reached out to Vili before making the film?

Honestly, I don't know.

I think it's one of those questions in art where there's not really a right answer. If Vili's feelings towards Mary Kay are still lost in the silver linings of her grooming, any film that has his direct approval or involvement is going to run the risk of tacit endorsement. It also hamstrings the creative team and opens them up in terms of liability (I actually was a writers assistant on a TV show a million years ago that was sort of a bio pic and I can tell you for a fact that it was a disaster once the person it was based on got involved), and, of course, it runs the risk of shifting the focus of the story the writer is wanting to tell.

And that's the thing about art, right? By design, art is supposed to reflect us back to ourselves in ways that we might not always be comfortable with. Of course, that usually happens less literally than in how Todd Haynes has used Vili and Mary Kay's stories, but not always. Todd Haynes is certainly no stranger to the technique given Velvet Goldmine is pretty transparently inspired by David Bowie and I'm Not There is often confused as a Bob Dylan bio pic despite the fact that it's actually not.

Hell, everyone loves that Succession points a pretty clear finger to the Murdoch's, and while, of course, the Murdoch's - and Bowie and Dylan for that matter - have social, political and economic power that Vili doesn't which does impact the ethics of the decision, it's still made under the same creative ideology that aspects of a real story can render an artwork, a story, a film more emotionally authentic, can create greater resonance, can offer a sharper reflection of the world we live in and offer, perhaps, a message or a question that lingers.

All of this has actually kind of been funny timing as I just finished reading Sarah Weinman's The Real Lolita the other day which is a really excellent blend of true crime, literary history and critical commentary on this exact topic. The book explores the real life case of Sally Horner who was kidnapped by a pedophile in 1948 when she was 11 years old and was forced to roadtrip with him around America for two years. It's actually mentioned in passing in Nabokov's Lolita, but once you go a little deeper it's pretty clear how much of Horner and her story Nabokov used to create Dolores Haze / Lolita.

In the book, Weinnman asks the question as to why Lolita gets to be remembered when Sally's been left to obscurity, and of course, the answer is that there are other Sally's in the news cycle, but only one Lolita in art, and that hopefully in her writing Sally Horner's story she can write her back into bookshelves and place her back into this artwork but who knows if that's what Sally would've wanted (Sarah does, at least, talk to Sally's lone surviving family member, and makes a measure to show that it's very unlikely Nabokov ever did the same).

Was Nabokov wrong for not seeking out Sally's family for Lolita? Honestly, I doubt it even would've occured to him to do so, and the fact that we do now ask questions like this about the ethics of inspiration is, I think, a good thing. We should be critical of how stories are told and who is, and isn't, involved in the telling of them, but again, I don't actually think there are right or wrong answers here.

Fiction is always inspired by real people, real events, real life, it's a part of creation, it's a part of capturing a moment in time, it's about reflection and authenticity, but of course that's been rendered more complex in recent years by the fact that we live in a world that's ever shrinking and the people or the events that inspire new stories are inevitably brought into the public narrative in a way they just weren't back in 1955 when Lolita was first published.

So what does that mean for creativity and inspiration? I don't know, but personally I guess my thoughts would be that Vili is absolutely in his rights to be offended by the film, but I also don't think the filmmakers were wrong necessarily to not reach out. It's not the most ethical choice, but I also don't think it was an inherently bad one either. This isn't a Blonde situation where they write fiction and present it as fact, the creatives have been clear about it being inspried by what happened between Mary Kay and Vili, but they're also not saying Vili and Mary Kay are Joe and Gracie.

I appreciate you feeling like it's much of a muchness though given how they've apparently lifted entire scenes of dialogue. It's a murky question after all, and it's certainly one that's more complex when it comes to people like Vili and Sally than it is with the Murdoch's or even David Bowie, but yes, I'm not sure I see it as something inherently wrong, and I don't personally think it was ghoulish. I just think the specifics of this particular case just kind of shows how the sausage is made when it comes to storytelling.

[awetistic-things]

Ahhh since venting is allowed i have been wondering this for few months

Why do adults autistics ALWAYS ( maybe not always, most of the time ) shame people who don't up ?

For example those who have scientific interests, who are really good at math and loves it, who are not afraid of speaking of what the belive in even if it means that they may loose people around them, those who are won't go crazy mad if they got called childish ( come on, who decided that being childish is even an insult ? ) ...etc

And i can put it in other words : people who won't hide who they really are just to take apart of the society who never thought of them as real people and have "friends" just not to be lonely

Listen, i understand that they do it because of the harsh struggles they go through, and so does all autistics.

But what i'm trying to say is, why must they shame people who don't want to mask ? Like yeah, i knew i was going to get hated for the things i said when my teacher asked and i didn't hestate to say what i thought of honestly, i'm not an idiot, i'm aware of what will that cause me

i just prefer being honest to myself because the hell everyone see me as dump for not understanding their cummon sense, everyone including those who were supposed to understand how each of us feels shamed me for "sterotyping autistics".

Why should I mask myself up just to please them while the only person who loved and tried to do their best to get me to be better, aka me, will be thrown away behind that fake mask ?

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk ( autism memes aside, seriousily guys, stop this)

hi 👋🏼

i understand what you’re saying and it can be incredibly frustrating especially when you’re being put down by your own community

i have come across some autistics who judge other autistics based on whether or not they choose to mask

i think whenever they have a negative attitude towards non-masking, it’s mainly just internalized ableism (manifesting in shame) that they’re projecting onto other autistic people

i have also had some problems with “reinforcing stereotypes” about autistic people while non-masking before. whether that be from me hand-flapping, wearing headphones, having trouble verbally communicating, or something else

considering the generalizations, and thus stereotypes, that have arose from these decently common autistic behaviors, it can sometimes make me want to mask these behaviors to prove some type of mislead point that “we don’t all act that way!”

this mindset took a while for me to dismantle as i had to come to terms with the fact that showcasing my autistic traits isn’t a bad thing, and being “stereotypical” isn’t either

however, i do think that there are many factors that can contribute to people who mask—especially when they feel as if they have no other choice—but i do also think that people shouldn’t project the negative feelings they might have towards people who don’t mask, and vice versa

overall, it’s a complicated topic with many causes and many reasons, but it’s important to support our fellow autistics into doing whatever is best for them (whether that be masking or not masking) rather than shame one-another (edit: not saying you’re shaming anyone, i’m talking about in general with the autistic community)

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

okayokayokay. for the shipping asks. it is my moral duty to ask you about feenris <3 (and also krisnix if you want to do two of them)

HELLO, KATE, MY DEAREST FAVOURITEST PERSON 💖💘💗💝💓💝♥️♥️💓💖 I will do both, thank you for indulging me <3

Feenris:

THEY! THEM! <333! Honestly, I could keep talking about them forever and ever because! There's so much to their relationship! But I've talked about them A Lot, so I'll just explain the boxes I've ticked fdhdkfh

(I said I wouldn't talk a lot, and then I did wSJSKDH it's all under the cut)

The love at first sight was for me, btw. Like, I saw Iris and decided, yep, this is the ship I get obsessed over. Her power. Anyway, most of these are self-explanatory but I think I'll explain the 'complicated' boxes.

I've said this before, but I think they're always going to be a little bit in love with each other (and know it), even though they won't reignite their relationship. (Although, if Capcom did a 180 and decided they were going to be a thing, I would jump on that so fast. Thematic and narrative inconsistencies be damned; I am a hypocrite) I think they've both entertained the idea of starting over at least once, but it's just too messy. Like, although their relationship wasn't built on lies, there was still A pretty substantial lie involved. Add that with the fact that it's inevitably mixed with Iris's complex feelings about Dahlia and the pain from BttT on both sides, and you get Maybe We Shouldn't Be Together Actually. That's why they got the 1/2 on the normal, healthy relationship because, at their core, they really are sort of soulmates!! And that's what makes this all worse!!

I think they could make it work, but only after they've both made peace with everything that happened on their own. Like they need to think things through without the other person around first, and then talk things out. Right now, though, them getting together would just feel like they're both having some kind of coinciding mid-life crisis. It just wouldn't work for me hskdhd

Only reason they didn't get the 'in specific situations' box was because I realised that it's less a situational thing and more a characterisation thing for me? The candy-floss fluff Feenie describes their original relationship to be, while cute, doesn't really do much for me. But if you take the Frankenstein version of their relationship which I've pieced together from one (1) sprite parallel and a few of their interactions in BttT, where it was something that had to be built and has a foundation of pure, deep understanding of one another, then I'm all over it. And it's the same with their post-breakup relationship for me. I don't want a rehash of what they had before; I want a complicated but real relationship that acknowledges what happened, isn't afraid to confront it and move forwards. IF they were to get back together, which I don't think they should. I'll admit that I do maybe want them to be together forever and ever and ever, but they're one of those ships that I think would fall in love with each other in any universe regardless (no matter how those end), and in this one, I think the best case scenario is for them to move on with other people while still having that extremely strong romantic-platonic bond between them. It's complicated and a bit strange, but I feel like it's a non-threatening bond. They love each other, they always will, and it's because of that love that they won't pursue anything further than a deep friendship. Idk, I just want them to be happy, and I think they deserve to be happy with each other still in their lives!!! Is that so much to ask!!! Is it, Capcom!!!! I'm wailing!!!!

Krisnix:

Ohhh, my God. Ohhhhhhh my GODDDD.... Where do I even begin with Krisnix. They're like a. Umm. 'I would take a bullet for you just as readily as I would pull the trigger' pair to me. I gave them a half on the 'is it even shipping anymore' box because I feel like canon does pretty much state that they were... idk what they were, but there was definitely something going on between them, but any acknowledgement of this from canon would damage me irreparably. They're canon, but I Don't Want to Know, I Do Not See 🙈 HSKHSKDB

Krisnix to me has, like, weird parallels to Feenris. WHICH IS REALLY ODD, BUT LIKE. It's this. Wanting. Of someone who is kind (although Kristoph was probably faking it 95% of the time) and gentle and so, so beautiful and who understands, when you're so damn lonely. It's about Phoenix having too much love in his heart and looking for it in all the wrong people (with Dahlia rather than Iris in their case), because he has friends! He's just dumb about them sometimes, which leads to him going for people like Kristoph and! The weird thing is that! I think it was real!! In a weird way!!!

I think there was some kind of maybe not quite love, but the murmurings of it at the edges of this strange psychosexual obsession they have going on, and I think neither of them wanted to acknowledge it. Because Phoenix isn't stupid. I'm sure he knew that Kristoph wasn't all that he was making himself out to be, but he ignored it because Kristoph was kind, and present, and smart and comforting and gorgeous and attentive when Phoenix was the opposite of being even presentable at times, both physically and socially. And with Kristoph I think it's like. I think he knew? Subconsciously. That Phoenix didn't completely buy his act, but there was this... assurance, in that fact. Like Phoenix was probably the closest a person ever came to seeing through his genteel, put-together facade, and Phoenix stayed. It's breathes of acceptance, even though Kristoph probably doesn't realise that that was what kept him staying with Phoenix. There's a nice little lie he can rely on to tuck away the truth that he likes Phoenix Wright in a way; that lie that he's just keeping an eye on him so Phoenix doesn't get to close to the truth. And if that lie occasionally leads to dinners, and real laughter, and conversations that brush the edges of who Kristoph is beneath the mask... if it leads to him not keeping his hands off Phoenix, then, well... it doesn't mean anything. It's all a lie, after all.

Idk idk. I think they were weird sort of friends and that line Kristoph says in jail about Phoenix's friendship never being true lives in my head rent free because like! What if he meant it?? What if it actually hurt??? Even though he didn't want it to!!!! They're just, they're so! Strange! I need to know everything about them, but I don't want to!! I just have to!!! And you know how I said Feenris will always love each other, and that's a comfort to them? I think Krisnix is the opposite. I think they'll always sort-of-not-quite-love each other and hate themselves for it. I think they never wanted this, and they're both still trying to get themselves out of it, but each struggle, each attempt at release, just has the noose going tighter and tighter until, one day, it's going to break. And, when it does, I want to be there to see what happens.

[golbrocklovely]

I’ll get a lot of hate for this but..colby seems like a player (fuck boy) to me..i don’t know..the things he do to shea (makes her feel some type of way) then he push her away..the same happened with stas, he was so touchy with her and then pushed her away..i know she was in love with him 100% but that’s not a reason to push every girl from him away when this happens and he wonders why he is always alone? and there’s alot of girls he did that to. Yeah i know, not everyone wants a relationship but that guy cry that he doesn’t have a gf or something like that but fucks around with others. I like sam better in this perspective..tbh.. sometimes i don’t really understand colby..also their content and everyone is only for money rn..that’s how i see it. I remember in like 2016-2019 they were responding to alot of fans on ig etc etc..i feel like everyone is about money right now..

Btw thanks for reading that. Also it doesn’t mean hate on anyone but yk..

you are not the only person to have sent in an ask like this to me over the years. so, you're not the only one that feels this way.

that being said, i do not agree with you.

now, did colby in the past maybe fuck around with some girls? sure. he definitely had a bit of a player history. but, you also then have to believe that every girl he was around was someone he was hooking up with/had a relationship with in some way. and that's just not true. reality is, we don't know reality. what we are going off of is our assumptions. not every girl he was around at one point or another was a girl he was hooking up with. it's honestly kinda strange to assume that this man can't have a friendship with a woman without there being some weird connotation of "oh he actually wants her" or "she wants to get with him" or "he clearly wants to fuck her". not saying you're implying that, i'm just stating generally.

shea and him have a complicated thing that i don't think we will ever know the real, full story to. but at the end of the day, regardless of what you believe, they are both grown adults. if they wanted to have a relationship, they would have had one by now. shea is almost 30. she's is too grown to blame colby (if she really does that at all) for stringing her along. if he's promising you the world, but going out with other girls, he's a liar. you should have left a long time ago. but clearly either a) that's not happening or b) you are forcing yourself to believe something that isn't real. and that's your own fault, not his. that doesn't excuse his possible stringing along-ness, but he can't do that to you if you already left 🤷🏻‍♀️

and as for stas… he never treated her more than in a friendly way. sorry if you disagree, but i saw not one single thing that pointed to them having anything more than maybe a slightly flirty/touchy friendship. the reason why she got so hurt over it was bc she had feelings for him, he didn't reciprocate, and bc she thought she could make him like her, she stuck around in her fantasy too long. that man literally brought along a date to hang out with her and other friends. what about that screams "oh he's into me, he just doesn't know how to express it"????? that man made it clear as day what his feelings were, she just didn't listen.

none of this even takes into account that both girls have used colby for YEARS to gain followers, clout, and to make money off of his fans that become theirs. like…. that's it's own can of worms.

and he has EVERY. RIGHT. to reject girls that love him too much bc if he's not into them, why should he pretend to be??? you literally are saying he's a fuckboy for stringing them along, but then complain that he shouldn't say he's lonely bc "he pushes them away". so… is he supposed to pretend to like them and string them along, or cut them loose but still get blamed for being lonely?? which one is it?

he's allowed to have standards or not just settle with the first girl that shows emotional attachment to him. that's not how love works. and on top of that, he's allowed to complain about wanting someone to love but not having someone even tho he has plenty of suitors. reality is, colby has outwardly said for a very long time that he hasn't met someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with. he has made that clear as day for YEARS now. and also for years he has said he hasn't been in a serious relationship since 2016. if this is what he says publicly to fans, i can only imagine he lays it out thicker privately. that would also mean that any girl he has been with was never serious in the first place. aka, there were no feelings attached. so when things ended, it's not a breakup. it's just two ppl who were casually seeing each other leaving and finding someone else. that doesn't negate that he probably had used a girl from time to time for emotional support or whatever. i'm not saying that's not true. but the fact of the matter is, there has been ONE GIRL that i can name that has outright had an issue with colby after "breaking up" with him. and collectively, out of the many everyone assumes he's been with, that kinda shows that maybe he is telling the truth to these girls about what he wants. bc if he was burning bridges left and right, he would have been up in flames by now.

and sam literally just got out of a relationship where he strung kat along for years, mentioning talks of getting married, how his last name sounds good with her first, only to turn around and get cold feet when the ultimatum came. not to mention the vampire situation (him purposefully keeping her out of the editing room while he was working and all she wanted to do was hang out), him not even giving her a key to his house in la even tho she was over every single day, him now currently mentioning how he didn't really hang out with her all that much the last year of their relationship and how he could have been better, him not sharing his calendar with her so she would never know when he was leaving or going, him literally telling fans in emails how so much better he's doing now that he's not in a relationship with her anymore, her literally getting death threats by HIS FANS and he says literally nothing about it…. need i go on? he's not exactly star bf of the year either.

and as for the whole thing of "they only do things for money now"…. that's kinda always been the case. this is their job. they need to do things for money to survive. not to mention, they have grown exponentially since that time period of 2016-19. just based on subs alone, and nothing else, they have the combined population of nyc and philly. that's how many eyes are on them at any given point. obviously there is some overlap between different social media sites, but they have 10 mil+ eyes on them, which means 10 mil+ ppl trying to get their attention at any given point. they can't talk to everyone like they used to. when they were at one mil or two, sure. talking to ppl wasn't too hard, but now it's basically impossible. and on top of that they are busy so they don't have time to interact like they once did. it sucks, but that's just the truth.

i get why you felt the need to say all of this, and even tho i don't agree with you, i'm not trying to be hateful or mean. i'm just stating how i feel to your ask. please don't take any of this personally. i don't think you're dumb for the opinion you have, even if it's different from mine. we are allowed to have differing opinions, and we can just agree to disagree.

[chaosandwolves]

Oh hell nah.

Are people really that petty?

Making Oliver feel bad about this ep when it was one of the best character developments.

I honestly don't get why people are so mad. It all made sense and they also only have a limited amount of time to fit everything in.

After 6 seasons of Buck doubting the value of his own life and trying to find a place he belongs, he finally understood that he's enough and loved and that's SO BEAUTIFUL.

Did I hope for something else? Yeah I did. But I'm not the writer of the show and they've handled Buck's arch quite beautifully.

Do I still hold on to Buddie? Hell yeah. I think there was a reason Eddie wasn't in the dream. And there are too many things that make me believe in Buddie canon (post about this in works).

Do I want Eddie and Buck to talk about this? Absolutely!! Especially after seeing Eddie not being able to look at Buck and see him crying like this.

Would I think that it would be weird if Eddie's reaction doesn't have any further impact on the coming eps. Yeah I wouldn't like that.

Do I demand to see these things? No.

Would I still be sad and disappointed? Yes.

Do I go and butcher reviews etc and diminish the work of a whole bunch of creatives who put a lot of love into this ep? No. It's disrespectful as hell.

Besides. The episode was beautifully done.

They all did a great job. Oliver, Kenny and Peter specifically. The camera work was great. The music was amazing. It was emotional and fun.

I'm very happy we got a Buck centred piece again with real character growth.

And just because you're angry and disappointed - which I understand cause I'm passionate as hell about them and I will literally lie crying on the floor if Buddie doesn't go canon - it doesn't give you the right to shit on people's hard work. Especially when they've mentioned how proud they are of it.

And think about it. If you're so shitty to the creators and actors and all, why should they be willing to give us the things we want to see?

As for the forgiveness /redemption of the parents thing. This is a bit more complicated imo but in Buck's case we at least clearly were told that Buck's family aren't the Buckleys. He literally tells Daniel that he has a different family that needs him.

The getting along and all in the end was for Buck. For HIS healing.

Believe me I'm not fond of the narrative that parents should be forgiven just because.

But we could talk about this in a proper discussion.

[thefirstknife]

I think one reason people are very polarized on LF is that, not only is it a very fine line to walk between "too self-contained" and "too reliant on external content", but there's a large borderlands around that line on either side that fall into the realm of "personal taste". Some people like things that are more self-contained, and some prefer things that are more externally interlinked. And, honestly, even at the extreme ends of "purely self-contained" or "purely empty filler reliant on external stuff to enjoy" you *still* have people who prefer one or the other and they're not objectively bad. It's a complicated matter of balance and taste. And I think more people need to let go of the idea that their taste is objectively correct for things like this. And I say this as somebody who did find that my taste and the devs' vision didn't quite line up this time. It happens! It doesn't mean we need to get nasty about it like a lot of people are doing... :(

I definitely agree! It's one of the reasons why I find most of the discussions on this topic to be really pointless a lot of the time. It's just people screaming over one another about things that are incredibly subjective while claiming they're not. Everyone thinks they're right, on top of a real issue in balancing that line.

For a lot of people, it's really frustrating that the game expects them to play just Destiny in order to understand everything. And then for a lot of other people who DO play just Destiny (or simply have more time/money), it's frustrating when there's breaks and content droughts and when there's seasons that end up feeling meaningless. And a lot of people who are in between! Bungie can never satisfy all of them. Someone will always feel left out.

Actually one of my issues with the entire Witch Queen year was that the expansion itself was a banger and had a lot of stuff in there and a lot of further hints. But then the seasons did not really focus on any of those questions at all. We didn't get more insight into the Lucent Hive, we didn't get more about Savathun's meddling with the Collapse, we didn't get anything more about her since she died, we didn't get anything substantial about Xivu either and time is running out. We had stuff that was setting up plot points for Lightfall, but they were also not fully expanded on.

I would've LOVED if all seasons in WQ were more narratively important and connected. If every season we got a fresh new hint about Savathun's plans and schemes, about things she's done, about a whole new set of Hive that, for all intents and purposes, we should be trying to understand and get close to. I'm definitely not the only one; I've seen a lot of people lamenting the lack of information and lore about the Lucent Hive and what they're doing.

If Bungie is entirely truthful and we will for real get into the thick of it during the seasons this year, I actually prefer that. It means that I have something to look forward to during the whole year and that we will slowly be given information about burning questions that will keep us entertained as we prepare for The Final Shape. Because a lot of questions from WQ have still not been answered and aren't directly relevant anymore so who knows when they will be up for answering.

I also understand people who just don't like this style at all. And neither of us is inherently right or wrong. So when people go online and insist about "bad writing," it's really silly. And ultimately, Bungie can't really cater to us both. It's a strange place to be in and I think we should keep giving Bungie feedback. In a normal way, of course. The type of outrage that Lightfall caused has not been pleasant at all. We can definitely let Bungie know that they maybe pushed one side too much over the line without being nasty.

[mdhwrites]

You mentioned knight Boscha once and it got me into shipping mood for real, I thought a fic idea in milliseconds. Royal Amity having Boscha as knight who's trying to get her attention so hard, add childhood friends to that and it gets even better! And Luz getting into the picture later on, making Boscha jealous for drama points ☕

Luz could be a merchant? Or from a different kingdom.

.

Also I'm so into the trope of Boscha having a secret crush on Amity even if it's just fanon sadly. Me being a BoschaxAmity shipper just getting excited for little content that I can find with them that's not toxic bs or another mock at Boscha for being a mEan bUlly for the hundredth time 🙄

Seriously people can't see more into a character beyond canon establishment and it's gets boring and lazy, and Boscha has all that potential still intact somehow sitting there not taken advantage of by the fandom. In a perfect world I can imagine L/mity not being rushed and have my bochamity moments beforehand so I can get good fanship content at least. (I don't really ship l/mity, not as much anymore, sucks that Amity doesn't get content beyond that tho)

.

Well I just felt like rambling about ships 😅 I got no asks about the show rn

As I posted last night, this was the post that for whatever reason made my brain buzz and make a brief AU one off about a Blighted princess, Bosched Knight and Luckless Luzer. If you think this is all the Amischa content I have... Well, I focus a lot on Rich Witch and Power of Love for what I promote here because they're the easiest and tie directly back into themes of TOH because they are the ones that took TOH's ideas and ran with them the furthest. The ones started when TOH was full of possibility and such an open space that I feel it COULD inspire a billion stories, while honestly I feel like each special actually shrinks the potential of it and S2 had already done plenty of damage to the world and characters. Got a bit sidetracked but the point is that I do have a LOT more out there (I have literally 43 different TOH stories and 18 of them feature Amity and Boscha in them) so I thought I'd use this post to share some positivity towards Amischa because I think the ship is great. I think the two's relationship in general is fascinating. Though I actually want to say first that I don't think it was ever something the show really should have explored. Not once the first season came out. Hell, I commonly argued between S1 and S2 that the show had so many other things going on, and Winging it Like Witches felt like such a good climax to Hexide elements, that if we never saw Boscha again I wouldn't be surprised. The show was simply past dealing with bullies at that point as it turned its attention towards bigger threats so now that Amity was a friend... Why not move on? BOY WAS I PROVEN WRONG! *eye twitches at the first half of S2 which just kicks its feet as it focuses on not moving the plot at all* Anyways, let's ignore all that and let me flood your timeline with story pitches, hmm? Oh, I will be linking the Lumischa stuff too because I've also done lots of that because... I mean, when I write Lumity, I'm effectively writing S1 Lumity rather than S2 and I still love those two together. They fundamentally changed what I wrote going forward. Boscha just later kicked down the door, took a seat and demanded she was staying. XD Joro Rigged Pets: The barely fanfiction Lumischa story I really need to keep working on since I actually have the cover already commissioned for when I convert it to original fiction. This one features a non-binary Luz who inherits a pair of spiders who aren't spiders but actually the Jorogumo Boscha and the spider she has been incubating for a thousand years, Amity. And that time of transformation is quite close at hand and with it will come complications, love, fears and hungers the sort that no human can understand. Also has LOTS of identity themes in general.

The Crow House: I won't do a hard sell on this one because it died far earlier than I wish it had. A Swap AU is going to feel more like a fix it fic if you're not happy with the source material and that's not what I want to write. As for who was swapped? So many people. Amity and Luz, Lilith and Eda, Kiki and King, etc. Boscha's swap was with Willow where she actually had so much corrupted physical strength as to not be able to safely TOUCH PEOPLE. She literally couldn't control it so a light tap might accidentally come out as a hard jab. She literally shatters multiple of Hunter's bones in her first appearance while trying to apply only a little pressure back. Not that Amity gives a damn. She'll still grab the demon because while Boscha won't touch her, Amity can still touch her hero, regardless of Boscha's protests. A Player, A Scout and a Lich Walk Into An Evil Resident: Technically a future AU with adult Amity and Boscha already in a relationship doing a mission for the Emperor's Coven that ends up not going the way either expected. Fraught With Emotions: Not an AU! Finally. This one has me having Amity, Boscha and Luz go to the Emotionarium, a place where you can have your emotions soothed, twisted, enhanced or even removed. Now why might two old friends want to be in a place like that?

Amity? is Your Baby Tonight: Inspired by a very good Whitney Houston song in my opinion, it's time for Amity, while still having green hair, to serenade and seduce the girl she loves. Where did she get such confidence though?

Amity's Many Misspellings: First just Amischa story with a coffee shop AU! And Amity of all people for some reason being unable to ever get Boscha's name right. Amity's Private Penstagram: Luz and Amity go on a trip down memory lane to pictures Amity had never shared with anyone else before. Especially the one who's picture she took most. Boscha's Best Bedside Manner: A bad night gets worse? when Boscha shows up out of the blue. How could someone as rough and blunt as Boscha ever help with a problem after all? Let alone one that seemed so entirely insurmountable to Amity? (This might easily be the best one off I have for showing why I think Boscha helps complete Lumity as a note). Under a Tree of Love: Two links on this one. This first one features a very short story about Amity growing up under a suspiciously alive tree while finding love with her best friend Boscha under its same branches. If you like it though, I actually expanded it into a full length novella, with a similar but more thorough structure, called Under the Boughs of Love that you can check out through the link on this paragraph. Chapters Left Behind: Amity and Luz sure did abandon their club stand in Sport in a Storm, didn't they? What happened to those books that were left behind? Discarded like Amity had once thrown away a large chapter of her life before? And was there still room for both in her life? I left out a couple AUs that hadn't ever gotten very far and two stories stories that I wrote for a friend that are more sad than anything else rather than hopeful like all of these. I do hope this shows JUST how much I've done with these characters though, especially when I remind you that The Power of Love is still over 300k words, The Eyes Beneath the Water (which has barely had the Amity and Boscha inspired characters even talk to each other, hence why it wasn't linked) is over 80k minimum (haven't done a word count check in a while for it) and Rich Witch is also over 80k words. And most of that writing was done back in 2021 when something about TOH and its community opened up my brain and just let me type. Type so much that in the span of 8 months, I wrote over five hundred THOUSAND words. And boy would I love to return to even a fraction of that strength again. *sigh*

[thecreationofevelyn]

Journaling prompts 2/3/2023

Who is someone that inspires you?

I remember being thirteen years old, hurtling towards fourteen, and feeling like the weirdest, most uncomfortable person to walk this earth. I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin every time I had to talk to someone else and walking down the street felt like an entire mission built to attack my nervous system.

Of course, realistically, no one cared I was walking anywhere, no one actually noticed anything about me apart from the fact I was exuding Bella from Twilight levels of awkwardness before Bella from Twilight was even a thing. In hindsight and old age, I can recognize now I was simply making things worse for myself. In the nicest way possible, nobody cares what you are doing, which I came to realize, is a truly wonderful thing.

But thirteen-year-old me was obviously the only person who felt the way I did and nobody could ever understand me for I, in the words of Avril Lavigne, was complicated.

In my defense I hadn't had your regular schooling, and I'd not had regular access to friendships growing up either, so suddenly flinging myself into the outside world was petrifying and I hadn't learned the stereotypical social skills most kids my age had gotten over by that time. I was lonely, angry about it, and felt like I was too weird for anyone to entertain being friends with. I didn't know what was cool and what wasn't and I had honestly, no idea what was going on, like ever.

I don't really remember how it got there, but one day I was going through my stuff in my bedroom; I listened to music constantly, and since having access to a proper bedroom, I had begun painting and drawing perpetually. That was my little safe space. I wasn't exceptionally good at either but when I was a little younger, I had taken a book from the library about trees and I began to draw them; it bothered me it looked so 2D and bland, so I obsessively drew trees until I felt it was perfect. From there, I discovered how much I enjoyed drawing and how much silence it created for my brain. So there I was rummaging through the stuff stashed away under my bed, when I came across a plain silver CD that just said "SKYLINES AND TURNSTILES" in marker pen. I didn't understand where it came from, no one else was ever in my bedroom and I hadn't so much stuff that I would have simply forgotten about having it. So I stuffed it into my CD player and pressed play, anxiously waiting to hear whatever it contained....much to my dismay, I hated it. "What is this absolute noise!?" I thought, shoving it back into the clear plastic pocket it was previously stored in and returning it to deep dark depths underneath a teenage girl's bed.

A couple of months went by, uneventfully...I think the biggest thing was I joined a drama group around that time, a drama group whose female director rather insensitively commented on how "Heroine chic" thin I was and how "You should audition for the drug addict in our next production, you have the look for it.". I made friends with two girls and I was so incredibly happy because I thought I was establishing some real friendships until a couple of weeks later when these girls, the same age as me, started discussing how many boys they had given blowjobs and turned to me for my number, as though at 13/14 this was a regular, normal thing to be chatting about. The week of auditions I came down with a vile cold that completely took away my voice and I thought it was my body's way of telling me to get out of there, so I did.

By this point, my rage was building...I was angry I couldn't relate to people my own age, I felt simultaneously so much older yet so much more naïve, I was angry at myself because I felt I had failed by dropping out of the drama group. I couldn't play Hockey or swim. I didn't know how to be anything other than quiet and draw.

For some reason, I listened to the mystery CD again and this time it was suddenly clearer like someone had translated this foreign language for me.

The first line I heard the vocalist sing was "You're not in this alone." and it felt like an invisible hand being placed on my shoulder. I don't believe in God as we're taught, I believe in something but I don't think it is as accessible as being something you can name. It is a feeling, this warmth, safety, and familiarity of finding something that feels like you have finally found a home.

I wanted to find out whose music this was, I went to the closest HMV store to me and asked a guy working there if he knew of any bands that released an album or EP titled Skylines and Turnstiles, he said no, the guy beside him though said yes, but it was a track, the album "is called Bullets or something, it's by My Chemical Romance." announced guy two "Who's My Chemical Romance?" asked guy one of guy two. "Some band" came his insightful response. Guy two showed me the aisle that held the ONE and only copy they had in store of I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love by My Chemical Romance. I took it home and listened to it all the way through in one sitting. My life changed.

Shortly afterward came Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, this was my first time seeing the people that had created the album I'd been in love with for the past year or so; they had this band photo on the back of their album and headshots inside the album artwork, the styles of these photos reminded me of a horror movie poster vibe which went hand in hand with it's cover art that had a striking resemblance to the piece The Lovers II by Rene Magritte. The band are lined up with the central guy wearing all black with only a silver belt buckle of a Bat standing out and I remember thinking he was just so goddamn cool!!

I fell in love again with the storytelling of Three Cheers, the relationship between both albums, that this wasn't just music...this was the content of someone's mind being whispered, sang, and screamed out into the universe to see if anyone else felt the same way...it was someone's rage, loneliness, fears and discomfort being put on a painful amount of display in a plea to find they were not in this alone. In a generation of pumped-out pop machine hits, I'd heard nothing like it...nothing so raw, truthful, borderline painful to understand, yet so chaotically beautiful.

From there on, My Chemical Romance became a part of my little world; and although I love and admire each one of their talents, the person who inspires me the most has always been and always will be, Gerard Way.

For being brave enough to be vulnerable, for being selfless enough to push through, for being strong enough to overcome, for being determined enough to make sure kids like 13-year-old me knew they weren't in this alone, for still bringing comfort and inspiration to me twenty years later and mostly, for always having been unabashedly themselves throughout.

I still have no idea where the original CD with Skylines came from, it seemingly disappeared the way it arrived and in the unlikely event Gerard Way ever reads this, I just want to tell you one thing...

I still think you're so goddamn cool!!

Merci pour le venin ~ xo

[sometimesiammybpd]

okay so i wasn't going to make a post about this because after writing the long post about sarah and nick, i didn't feel it necessary. i didn't see the reason because the only reason i wrote that post was because i still just wasn't able to move on. and it did kind of help. but it made me think that one about will wasn't important. i didn't need it. but i do. cause every time i think about him, i just feel rage. because it's a carryover during that same period of time. and honestly, i feel like i'll never be able to get out of that period mentally. it almost feels life-ruining at times. it's one of the many things i'm not able to tell if it has anything to do with my bpd, but it hurts so much. it just hurts so much. because at the end of the day, they aren't thinking about me. and they shouldn't. we're not in each other's lives anymore and that's how it should be. but i'm stuck over here trying each day to not think about them and what happened. some days i don't. most days i do.

in detail.

and it just makes me want to die. because when i can't not think about all of it, it makes me feel like i'm still that person. even in the things that wasn't completely my fault OR wasn't my fault at all. cause it had to be, right? it just had to. i mean, they would still be in my life if it wasn't. that's what i feel all the time. so i'm going to finally talk about will and then i'm done. i go to therapy (and have for years) and have spent so much time trying to work through this. but what no one really understands is what hurts the most isn't the inability to move on. or the constant thought processes that just bring me down because of the reasoning that i had to be at fault when i wasn't. it's that, whether it be categorized as self-destructive thoughts or whatever, when i think of them, i think of the most toxic ways i could get at them. the most toxic ways to make them suffer because they made me suffer and therefore it's only fair. like as if there's any amount of reasoning that would ever justify that. and that's the part i really can't share with anyone. because to a normal person, i just seem toxic. and i get it. but anyone normal wouldn't understand that even when you try so hard to change, those thoughts are always there. and they're always SO LOUD. there is no tuning them out for me. i've gotten tons better at not acting on them, which i'm very grateful for, but it doesn't mean i'm able to just ignore them.

anyways, will. i wrote a bit about him in the other post but i realized then that talking about all three was too much for one single post, so i pushed his part to the back burner. he's more complicated to me than sarah and nick. because at the end of the day, sarah and nick cared until they didn't and then it became a three-way cycle of "fake it til' you make it" except we all were never going to make it. for the sake of this post, i'm going to talk about post-high school will and i's friendship because everything during high school would basically be a similar tread to what i said about sarah and nick during that time and how our mutual friendships were. will and i didn't talk after high school. he cut me off about two weeks before i graduated and all i can still remember about how we got in contact again was ironically thanks to sarah. sarah had told will that i had changed and it made him want to give me a second chance. and honestly, our friendship was fine for like two years. i apologized a lot for all that i did the first time and then it was smooth sailing. we clicked a lot more because i let it be a real friendship where i wasn't bullying him and he wasn't.

well. he wasn't afraid of me.

we had a few hiccups because he had a similar pattern to nick where he'd disappear for no given reason and then ghost me. i did have to call him out on that multiple times. but it was once he started dating griffin that problems really started arising (griffin is, of course, a fake name). and honestly, before i go into that i wanna say this. when i write these posts, it does make me feel like that i was at fault in hindsight and maybe they were right about me just having a giant issue with relationships. i don't know what's right, what's wrong, and what's in the gray area. i really don't. i don't see myself in a positive light. i don't know. i'm overthinking this and i haven't said anything yet. i met griffin through will before the two started dating and to be truthful, i got a crush(?) on them. still unsure if it was a real one or not. point being, i thought i liked them and i let will know. and he encouraged it. encouraged me to get to know them more and that one day, it might happen. and it weirdly felt nice to have a friend like that for once. and so yeah, i kept at it. things went smooth until about the week before it all hit the fan. i had invited griffin over to hang again and on the way there, they had said something that made me think something between them and will was happening. i had a feeling a few days before that but thought nothing of it until this moment.

and then a week later, i had a really rough day at work and when i got home, it got worse. at this point, me and griffin were talking daily. i really still thought i had a shot at dating them (again, not sure if it was a real crush or just a long hyperfixation) and was keeping at it somewhat. but this day, i sent them an instagram reel that crossed that line between friends and other just enough that it made them visibly uncomfortable. i took it back as fast as i could, but the damage was done. and magically, i got the "hey, can we talk?" text from will minutes later. if i remember right, i knew at this point that those two were dating. or at the very least were more than friends. i think i tried my best to ignore it, but i knew. and once i got that text, that was it. i said yeah and he dumps this giant series of paragraphs on me within minutes that basically said they've been dating for months and he wanted to tell me but didn't know how and blah blah blah. besides the fact that it was clear he had that ready to go, probably for a while, i felt so fucking hurt and betrayed in that moment that i straight up disabled my instagram account and disappeared. am i proud of this decision? no and i regretted it then as much as i still do now. in that moment, i just couldn't do it anymore. cause to me it felt personal. it felt like after all the shit i did to go and try to make amends for what i had done to him, he did this as payback. i'm completely serious. that's how betrayed i felt. because i just could not believe the reasoning that he wanted to tell me and just couldn't when he was encouraging me to keep going for HIS partner at the same time. no amount of fucked up reasoning can explain how that would make any lick of sense.

i should have ended the friendship there and moved on. i really should have. because what was also so fucked up was that griffin DIDN'T KNOW what he was saying to me behind their back about them. they legitimately did not know of the encouragement or the crush until i told them about a year+ later. but i felt so bad about sending that reel and then disappearing that i stayed. because to me, it was my fault. if i had just known or if i hadn't done what i did during our first take at a friendship, it wouldn't have happened. he would have told me. right? that's how i felt and so yeah, i gave him another chance. but i did make it clear it was NOT going to be the same as it was because that was seriously fucked up. ironically enough, he misread my message and thought i was straight up ending the friendship. either way, it took me almost a week to even say what i said and it took months before i felt comfortable enough to do a quarter of what we used to do together.

and unlike with sarah and nick where all three of us had done shit to cause it to fall apart, i wanna make something clear. griffin did nothing. griffin literally was an innocent bystander in all of this. they didn't know he was telling me what he was saying behind their back. they didn't know about any of the future stuff. griffin did nothing wrong and i will never blame them for anything he did. i tried too. it's not something i really want to admit, but i did try. after everything fell apart, i blamed them for his actions. he did too and that i'll get into, but i only did because my rage was so blinding that everything i put on him eventually reflected onto griffin and then it just settled in my mind that if they weren't in the picture, me and will would have still been friends. and i hate myself for it ever getting close to this kind of thinking. because. . . just. yeah. so anyways, i do not want this post from above or going further to come off like i blame griffin for anything. we actually still talk and i got a lot of the true story. i won't share any of it because this is about me and will, not dragging him through the mud for shit i didn't know about at the time. but yeah. and griffin, i want you to know i am forever sorry. even if you didn't know i felt and thought this way at that point in time, i'm sorry. because it was unfair to you. it was so unfair. and i want to add that griffin read and approved everything i wrote. i am not saying anything that would make them uncomfortable either.

after the whole "we're dating and i just didn't tell you. lol, whoops," thing happened and things got back on track, that's when the real ghosting started. and that's where the downfall that destroyed our friendship also started. the difference between nick and will is that i don't really think nick knew of what he was doing until it was beyond too late to save it. will knew. from the get go, it felt more intentional on will's part and that was confirmed to me later on. and it got really fucking annoying real quick. i spoke up about it multiple time, like i did before they dated, because i wanted to keep this friendship. and every time, he'd give me the "i understand. i will work on it and be a better friend" line and then never change. and i believed him every time. i don't really know if i'd be able to call it naivety or just a purposeful ignorance towards the obvious. but i let it go on longer than i ever should and while this was going on, things started to show on his end that made me question his relationship a bit. 

the biggest thing was his clear fetish towards his partner being transgender. it makes me feel so gross every time i have to say that. like, who gets in a relationship with someone and then fetishizes them the entire time?? how can it not register with you the damage that'll do to them. because like. just. oh my god. the first indication to me was when one night, me and will went to get griffin so we three could go get ice cream from speedway at like 1:30 am. why we needed to this do this so badly was beyond me, but in the speedway griffin told me an interesting detail about will. this wasn't in secret either. she (griffin currently uses she/they pronouns) told me it in front of him. will used to watch a lot of porn before they dated and what i got told was his favorite thing to watch was goth asian porn. which is important because his partner was a goth asian transmasc individual. this almost immediately raised red flags to me, but i also knew it was most likely a coincidence. at least until he started telling everyone (including griffin to the best of my knowledge) that he didn't know if he'd ever be able to see griffin as a man. which, just, how. how can you voluntarily say that and be okay with what you've just said? how can you say that knowing your partner is gonna hear about it? how can you say that and not feel angry at yourself?! LIKE???? and he clearly meant it too because he never really stopped struggling when it came to that. and there was something else that just really set me off and made me fully believe the fetish thing was real but i can't remember and i don't even know if i want to. it just makes me feel fucking sick to my stomach. because motherfucker, griffin is a person too. and all you ever did was boil them down to whatever fit your guide to getting off. because i had to end up seeing the texts between them. him lovebombing griffin and getting defensive and childish when griffin tried to tell him the things he was doing wrong so he could GROW. or him basically shutting down because god forbid you don't lie to him.

i’m also going to briefly mention this part as well. will plays guitar and i have always wanted to make a proper guitar-driven album or at least a song. so one day, i go reaching out to will asking if we could maybe give it a try. he was ecstatic and said yes almost immediately. i wish i had been able to see through his facade at the time because we got 3/4th of one song finished before will dropped out. he never worked on it outside of us calling and i got so fed up with feeling like i was the only one who actually wanted to do this. i even asked him multiple times if he really still wanted to do this or if he just said yes to make me happy and he always told me “no no, i want to do this.” sure. 

anyways, ALL of this led to griffin reaching out to me needing to talk about will. and that's where i got the screenshots as well. but there were two things told to me at this point that were telling. NO. 1 - will knew he was ghosting people for griffin and didn't care. he straight up told griffin "i don't know when i spoke to [REDACTED] last, but it's fine," when griffin tried to approach the subject of spending too much time focused on them specifically. which, by the way, he got defensive and deflected the conversation until griffin dropped it like with everything else. and NO. 2 - griffin wanted to break up with him. the details of the specifics here are fuzzy to me because i got myself involved here in a way i never should have. when they started to let me know about their real feelings towards will and how tiring the relationship was and all of this, they both told me they wanted to kinda and asked me if they should break up with him. a reasonable person would have said it's not their place. if i had to redo this now, i would say that. but i didn't. i tried to voice my thoughts on it in an unbiased way, but it was less unbiased and more "yeah, do it." it wasn't intentional at all but i leaned too far one way and it ended up influencing them more than i ever should have. and it's the biggest thing i regret doing. i have apologized to both of them profusely about it because regardless of how bad the relationship was and how they felt about each other, it wasn't my place to stick my nose in and effectively make the decision for griffin. but back to what happened, griffin eventually did come to the conclusion to break up with him. it lasted all of 24 hours and destroyed our friendships. because will couldn't forgive me for putting myself where i didn't belong and i blamed griffin so i wanted nothing to do with either of them. and that's where it left itself for over a year.

about two months ago at the time of writing, i got told by my best friend that will and griffin had finally broken up. i still held undeserved rage against them, so i wanted to reach out to will to at least apologize because i felt i finally had a chance (again, refer back to how awful my thought process was still). and he accepted the apology and wanted to give a friendship between us a go one more time. but to be honest, it felt off from the moment we talked. i wanted to believe otherwise, but it was off. he spent most of the time of our initial conversation trashing the hell out of griffin under the guise of “i don’t wanna say anything bad, BUT.” and then two weeks later, he out of the blue messaged me at 1:30 am that “to put it plain and simple, i don’t want to be friends anymore.” (word for word.) and to make it worse, he blocked me on everything before i could even realize he said a word. and that’s it for will.

i don’t have anything else to say. i just want to move on. and griffin, it’s so painfully obvious how much better off we are without him. seriously.

[alexalessandro]

I want to thank you for being a point of reason and positivity in the D20 fandom. Before the back half of FHJY I had a few blogs (including yours) that I checked in on for meta/art/speculation, but I had to stop visiting most of them due to how toxic they've gotten towards the REAL people behind D20 for "not telling the story right" or claiming that the grown up, real life Intrepid Heroes are actually hateful/toxic/etc towards teenagers. Like...it just got absolutely exhausting. This is the do-bits-smites-and-crits show. If you don't feel comfortable watching something that combines violence and high schoolers...then don't watch it??? But don't act like the creatives behind it are real world criminals because of it.

And the Kipperlily stans (which, I love her your honor! She's fascinating!) screaming that we should have gotten more of her and aren't her choices understandable and fascinating BUT ALSO screaming that she had no choice and was manipulated into everything she's ever done wrong by Porter like...she's a Complicated Woman, and shouldn't that be okay?

Or my current favorite, the cries that if only Jawbone hadn't failed her by being incompetent or failing to stop another teacher at the school from learning about her issues. Jawbone's fictional, so he doesn't need me to defend him, but...blimey. I don't even fully know where I'm going with that one. Maybe that they insist on bringing in real world logic to woobify KLCK ("she's just an angry teen!" "she's been groomed!") but Jawbone can't possibly be a mostly effective, compassionate dude who's trying to serve and protect and guide 500+ teens who can't/won't be forced to accept said guidance?

Thanks for all your insightful commentary and for being a hub for some truly great D20 fan content and sorry for ranting in your inbox. I don't know anyone IRL to rant to and I've truly been going insane observing some of the fandom's takes this season.

Aww thank you! I honestly dodged most toxic posts and bs like bullets so I'm happy that i helped clear out your dash

yeah i get being parasocial buy guys when you're seriously foaming at the mouth at real people take a step back breathe an touch some grass because it's really not that deep

[diaryoftheunidropout]

DAY 11

Sorry for not taking the time to write yesterday! I missed Day 10... woops!

Let me start with this: the metro strikes in Paris have been HELL lately. The metro was so crowded they could never probably close the doors on the first try. I had someone crush me with their backpack. A young man pulled accidental rizz on me by being so close to me his hair was in my face and his arm almost on my shoulder. And now I just realized I got on the wrong metro. FUCK. It's hell.

Yesterday I took my mom to my favorite museum and she loved it. Then we ate with a view on the Eiffel Tower on Champs de Mars. Then we sort of got into an argument in the middle of the street because she kept saying that, basically, I was her only reason to live and that she wasn't living for herself and that got me so mad because it's such a weight on my shoulders and because she deserves to have her own life.

Today would have been my dad's 48th birthday. He never even got to turn 45. Life is fucking unfair. Happy Birthday Papa <3

Went to the gym yesterday, on my way to get there again today. We're doing arms day and I'm so excited about it.

I want a new tattoo. Or new tattoos. Like, right now.

Yesterday night I was on the phone with my uni best friend, and we're meeting up this evening for dinner :) I love them. Not in a romantic way though. But I keep wondering why I don't love them like that. Why I've never been in love with anyone. I mean, yeah, I easily fall in love with strangers. But it's never true love. I just think they're attractive and romanticize who they could be and what a life with them could be like based on appearances. That's it. It's not real love. I've never felt romantic love. I've only experienced it through characters. Nick and Judy. Logan and Camille. Marinette and Adrien. Crowley and Aziraphale. Nick and Charlie.

I used to show very little interest in reading Loveless by Alice because I was convinced I wouldn't relate at all. How could I relate to a book whose main character is aromantic and asexual when my greatest obsession in life has always been romance? And then a couple of months passed and my feelings towards the novel changed because then the reason I didn't want to read it was because I was batshit terrified I would relate. And, oh, guess what? I related from the first few words. But I refuse to accept I might be aro/ace. I think that would be, like, the greatest tragedy in my life.

But I don't understand love, honestly. I would never kiss someone if I wasn't in love with them. Attraction isn't enough, I need to be in love. So when I asked my mom if the first time she kissed my dad she was in love and she said she wasn't, I was so fucking confused because my parents are literally THE love story in my life. So apparently, I don't understand how love works. Maybe I don't feel like I could kiss someone just based on attraction because I'm not confident enough, because I think I'm really unattractive. It's all so confusing. And I won't even get into all the confusion regarding my gender, and the confusion I felt around my sexuality (whether I was a lesbian or bisexual) for such a long time. It's all so complicated. I don't know who I am. And it's fine.

In the metro there's this ad for palliative care and it's an illustration of a happy grandpa surrounded by a male nurse, a woman (possibly the grandpa's daughter) and a little boy. They're all smiling. They all seem so happy. And this ad always sends chills down my spine because it makes me so fucking uncomfortable. And why the fuck are they smiling? What's great about someone dying?

Anyway, enough rambling, I'm getting down at the next station. Bye! xx

"I'm in love again

And tomorrow I'll be sad" -YUNGBLUD