#i finished it on the plane the other day and everyone in my row wanted to talk to me about it when they saw the cover lmao

[pynkhues]

curious as to your thoughts on the may december discourse (some spoilers i guess) - vili has come out and essentially said that he felt the film contributed to his victimization and hurt him. and the response from a lot of film twitter seems to be to yell ITS NOT A BIOPIC and to say he doesnt understand the film (gross). i feel like i dont really care if its a biopic or not, when the film literally quoted vili/mary kay, recreated the mary kay in prison photo exactly, and both charles melton and julianne moore studied vili/mary kay for their performances. to hand wave that all as "not a biopic" feels like a way of writing off any discomfort. i feel like the film should not have made those specific choices, but having done so they had a duty of care to vili. i dont think the film that ended up getting made is worth the continued trauma to vili even if it is art. there were other ways they could have told the story to minimize the harm and they chose not to - and i dont think that choice is a great commentary on tabloids or whatever, its just a ghoulish thing to do

I did see that, anon, and I do have thoughts on it as it's a real grey area in terms of creative license, art and storytelling, and it's a grey area that's been around really since storytelling existed, but before I get into that I just want to quickly clarify what Vili said, because I do think it's important.

Vili didn't say that the film contributed to his victimisation and hurt him, he said the film offended him because it was a ripoff:

“I’m still alive and well,” says Fualaau, now 40 and still living in the Seattle area, where the scandal unfolded. “If they had reached out to me, we could have worked together on a masterpiece. Instead, they chose to do a ripoff of my original story. “I’m offended by the entire project and the lack of respect given to me — who lived through a real story and is still living it,” he adds.

“I love movies — good movies,” he says. “And I admire ones that capture the essence and complications of real-life events. You know, movies that allow you to see or realize something new every time you watch them. “Those kinds of writers and directors — someone who can do that — would be perfect to work with, because my story is not nearly as simple as this movie [portrays],” Fualaau adds.

The reason I think this distinction is an important one to make is because in interviews since Mary Kay Letourneau passing, it's pretty clear that Vili - while absolutely being a victim-survivor - doesn't see himself that way, and even says pretty specifically in his Doctor Oz interview from 2020 that he doesn't see her as a predator or himself as having been preyed on ('there was no perversion...she was my wife and my best friend' are his exact words), and he's pretty clearly open to the idea of a film being made about his story.

I'm not saying this to diminish his feelings about May December at all (I strongly believe that Vili is entitled to feel any and every which way about the film) or to patronise his own understanding of what he experienced - I can't even begin to imagine the complexity of trying to unpack the life he shared with her - but I think it's important to reflect his feelings accurately and to provide a little context to those feelings.

With that said, do I think the creative team should've reached out to Vili before making the film?

Honestly, I don't know.

I think it's one of those questions in art where there's not really a right answer. If Vili's feelings towards Mary Kay are still lost in the silver linings of her grooming, any film that has his direct approval or involvement is going to run the risk of tacit endorsement. It also hamstrings the creative team and opens them up in terms of liability (I actually was a writers assistant on a TV show a million years ago that was sort of a bio pic and I can tell you for a fact that it was a disaster once the person it was based on got involved), and, of course, it runs the risk of shifting the focus of the story the writer is wanting to tell.

And that's the thing about art, right? By design, art is supposed to reflect us back to ourselves in ways that we might not always be comfortable with. Of course, that usually happens less literally than in how Todd Haynes has used Vili and Mary Kay's stories, but not always. Todd Haynes is certainly no stranger to the technique given Velvet Goldmine is pretty transparently inspired by David Bowie and I'm Not There is often confused as a Bob Dylan bio pic despite the fact that it's actually not.

Hell, everyone loves that Succession points a pretty clear finger to the Murdoch's, and while, of course, the Murdoch's - and Bowie and Dylan for that matter - have social, political and economic power that Vili doesn't which does impact the ethics of the decision, it's still made under the same creative ideology that aspects of a real story can render an artwork, a story, a film more emotionally authentic, can create greater resonance, can offer a sharper reflection of the world we live in and offer, perhaps, a message or a question that lingers.

All of this has actually kind of been funny timing as I just finished reading Sarah Weinman's The Real Lolita the other day which is a really excellent blend of true crime, literary history and critical commentary on this exact topic. The book explores the real life case of Sally Horner who was kidnapped by a pedophile in 1948 when she was 11 years old and was forced to roadtrip with him around America for two years. It's actually mentioned in passing in Nabokov's Lolita, but once you go a little deeper it's pretty clear how much of Horner and her story Nabokov used to create Dolores Haze / Lolita.

In the book, Weinnman asks the question as to why Lolita gets to be remembered when Sally's been left to obscurity, and of course, the answer is that there are other Sally's in the news cycle, but only one Lolita in art, and that hopefully in her writing Sally Horner's story she can write her back into bookshelves and place her back into this artwork but who knows if that's what Sally would've wanted (Sarah does, at least, talk to Sally's lone surviving family member, and makes a measure to show that it's very unlikely Nabokov ever did the same).

Was Nabokov wrong for not seeking out Sally's family for Lolita? Honestly, I doubt it even would've occured to him to do so, and the fact that we do now ask questions like this about the ethics of inspiration is, I think, a good thing. We should be critical of how stories are told and who is, and isn't, involved in the telling of them, but again, I don't actually think there are right or wrong answers here.

Fiction is always inspired by real people, real events, real life, it's a part of creation, it's a part of capturing a moment in time, it's about reflection and authenticity, but of course that's been rendered more complex in recent years by the fact that we live in a world that's ever shrinking and the people or the events that inspire new stories are inevitably brought into the public narrative in a way they just weren't back in 1955 when Lolita was first published.

So what does that mean for creativity and inspiration? I don't know, but personally I guess my thoughts would be that Vili is absolutely in his rights to be offended by the film, but I also don't think the filmmakers were wrong necessarily to not reach out. It's not the most ethical choice, but I also don't think it was an inherently bad one either. This isn't a Blonde situation where they write fiction and present it as fact, the creatives have been clear about it being inspried by what happened between Mary Kay and Vili, but they're also not saying Vili and Mary Kay are Joe and Gracie.

I appreciate you feeling like it's much of a muchness though given how they've apparently lifted entire scenes of dialogue. It's a murky question after all, and it's certainly one that's more complex when it comes to people like Vili and Sally than it is with the Murdoch's or even David Bowie, but yes, I'm not sure I see it as something inherently wrong, and I don't personally think it was ghoulish. I just think the specifics of this particular case just kind of shows how the sausage is made when it comes to storytelling.

[little-boyyyy-blog]

back to america

jessie fleming x reader

when jessie makes the to move to portland, you were the only thing on her mind. yet still somehow. you make the biggest move of your relationship.

“i missed you.” the brunette girl you had missed so passionately whispered against the soft skin of your neck. your arms going and wrapping over jessie’s shoulders as you kept the door open with your foot.

“i missed you more jay”

there was a few bags behind the girl; knowing the the rest were getting flown out later in time. jessie and you had spent months (years) going back and forth over the idea of her making the move back to the states from west london. she had always fallen homesick, missing being so close to her parents and longtime girlfriend.

even while at ucla; jessie causally saw her family and friends. either making the trip up to london, ontario on school breaks or her family flying down on their long weekends to spend time with their girl. jessie and her family were thick as thieves. and she’d been telling anyone who asked that, that very reason was why she wanted to come back.

but she had also missed you. and she had just started subconsciously thinking of you as family.

but long distance had been extremely hard on you as a pair. and after you secured a job that was somewhere you felt like settling down at; at least for a while. you started not being able to take off nearly as much time as you could while finishing your masters and working a small restaurant job.

so once she did decide on coming back to the states, she wasted no time in coming home. and by that she meant you. and your high rise apartment that she loved dearly.

“there’s never been a longer plane ride a day in my life.”

jessie and you had met in a shared 3rd year kinetics and transport in material engineering class. it was one of the hardest classes you both had to face in the first 3 years at ucla. that was until you both had ended up in a group of 6 for your midterm final.

you had obviously known who jessie was, everyone did at ucla. but you also knew you had no chance at the gorgeous girl; subsequently leading to never letting you set yourself up for failure by even starting a conversation.

keeping your head down and your eyes away from the soccer stars vicinity allowed you to miraculously never end up in a position to gain a further crush on her. for three years at that! but once you were placed in the same group as her for your midterm, there was absolutely no point in trying.

“do you think anyone else is actually going to show up for this?” presley asked, is hands on his hips as he looked out the door. “it’s only 5:51, just sit down and relax”

he turned and squinted his eyes, causing you to crack a laugh from your friend. “i hate you.”

“no you don’t.”

“i showed up?” presley’s friend piped off; looking up from his computer to now watch the door. “we knew you would canonn, thank you for being early.” presley rolled his eyes before looking back out into the hall. “oo! jenny is here!”

“jenny?” you questioned.

“short blonde who sits front row? always has a question no matter the situation or subject?”

“ah jenny..” you mumbled. well let’s hope she’s useful. or at least more useful than you and some good ole google.

as the time ticked on further until 6’o clock; you found yourself letting out a small sigh of relief. as frustrating as it may be to have to carry the weight of one person in a group you couldn’t help but find a positive of jessie not being there. you didn’t have to face her. that gorgeous gorgeous face.

it was a matter of time. you knew you’d have to come face to face with the brunette who didn’t even know you existed; but you had felt a small amount of relief at it not being today.

but even without the girl your group started hitting the ground running; you working on your computer as the others gave you the information to type down onto the shared slides. the group had been mostly focused on creating an easily accessible but slightly complex introduction to a prototype for the project.

“-i am so sorry! is this group 3 for dr. kimmich’s class?” your eyes shot up from your computer, only to lock with your forever-far away crush. you knew your lips parted, no words coming out but parted as you stared at the beautiful girl. “yes it is! glad you could join us!” presley shot up from his seat, is coffee in hand as he quickly made his way to the brunette.

the last open seat was placed directly infront of you, so as presley ushered the girl in. you were shitting bricks.

the group picked up right where it left off. and jessie ended up being more useful than anyone else. she was insanely good at any engineering class it seemed; but you had never seen it first hand until now.

you could have caught many flies with the way your lips stayed parted and your eyes fixated on the soccer player. her hair was in a messy bun, wearing a ucla soccer shirt an a pair of grey sweats. she looked other-worldly.

you loved how bright her smile was and how her eyebrows furrowed inwards when she didn’t completely understand something. presley has landed multiple kicks to your shin, giving you the crazy eyes and mumbling under his breath everytime for you to stop staring.

you never really could.

“come on, let’s get your stuff inside” you pulled away from her embrace, stealing a peck from her lips and pushing her off to the side. stuggling but managing to pick up the few (four) duffle bags off of the ground and bringing them into your apartment.

“you say let’s and then bring them all in yourself”

“don’t want my pretty girl to hurt herself”

pushing through your bedroom door and placing them on the foot of your bed. jessie found her way behind you; wrapping her arms around your torso as you quickly unzipped one of her bags.

you were prepared to unpack her things, wanting to set up home base for her to make her feel more peaceful with the big change. and you shamelessly knew she’d find a way to wrap her arms around you as you did such. you both had spent 100’s of trips doing the small motions; and this one felt better as you knew it would one of the last.

pulling out all of her shirts and shorts as she laid kisses on the inside of your neck; whispering her ‘i miss you’s’ on the soft skin. having to resist your girlfriend as she continued even through your groans and teasing comments about her being a horny boy.

actually; that probably was one of the traits of jessie’s. she could easily be found herself getting lost in your neck any second possible; even in very public settings or terrible timed events.

“mm jess, get some hangers please” you pushed her away from you, you hand pressing against her hip and tapping for her to move. “fine.” she placed another soft kiss to your neck before scurrying off.

a small smile coming across your face as you continued pulling out her clothes. laying out the shirts flat on the bed and unfolding her pants/sweats only to refold them in a way that would make hanging them up on the hangers easier.

“where did your clothes go?” jessie questioned as she came out of the closet, arms filled with hangers.

of course she noticed right away.

“they are packed up” you rolled your eyes at your girlfriend, she had never been known for her abilities to pick up on subtle details. but she had to pick on this one?

“going on a trip? for what? a month?” she joked; sighing deeply as you grabbed the hangers out of her hands and started hanging up her shirts. a small smile coming across your lips as you caught the end of a portland jersey inbetween your fingertips. “more so months.”

portland has always loved their canadians; and jessie was absolutely no exception to that. so when she got the offer, there was absolutely no way she was going to decline it.

and trust, you understood why portland loved canadians so much. just look at yours?!

“baby what’s going on? there’s a lot of things missing?”

you swallowed your heartbeat down, feeling the anxiety of the impending implications coming faster than expected. you had secretly prayed that she wouldn’t have started questioning things until maybe a few days in.

you had cleared out space in your shower caddie for her own products, a little space on your bedside table for her things to take up. you had even set up an extra key ring by your door for her to be able to hang her keys up on; a brand new key to your apartment occupied it currently. one that she didn’t even know existed.

you watched as her head started looking through the room, her eyes going from the closet to you, to the bathroom door, the nightstand, under the bed, and moving to go to your armoire.

you placed your hand on the soft skin of her forearm, drawing her attention back to you; stopping her from moving around the room to see what else is missing.

taking a deep breath before you even looked at the brunette-girl eyes. “i love you jess, i have since our first group project junior year..” her right arm going around your waist, holding you as your hand gripped on the other girls forearm.

“..you’ve chased ever dream you’ve ever wanted and truthfully got them. making them more and your own in the process. you’ve shown me incredible elegance and composure in some of the hardest times of our relationship and i truly don’t see myself living this life with anyone else..” jessie’s grip found its way to somehow thighten; holding you almost flush against her as you stared up into her eyes.

your eyes watered at the look of complete awe she happened to hold in her beautiful face, incomparable to any 7 wonder or model you’ve ever seen. “..you’ve made the biggest move; the riskiest move of your career to come and make us work. and i would hate myself for not at least asking. so. will you move in with me?”

her smile reflected the same one you given her the day you said yes to her when she asked you on your first date. her hands now both coming up to hold your face as she looked at you; as if she was completely infatuated with you now.

“no way did you just ask me that?”

growing slightly shy at her gaze , you feel your own cheeks heat up in the hold of the girls rough palms. one of your own hands coming up and lightly clasping around her left wrist. a small nod coming from you as you felt embarrassment start to creep up. the lack of anwser made your brain run wild. “if you feel like it’s too soon or too much change at one time i completely un-“

“too soon? i tried countless times to have you move to england with me. i had hoped to quietly make myself at home but this is even better.” she shook her head at your self doubt. almost in amazement that you could even imagine something of the sort. “yes y/n. id love to move in with you.”

“really?”

“i can’t believe you’re re asking me that. im absolutely fucking sure.” her lips coming down to silence any response you could think of. and let’s just say those clothes did get folded and hung up. just happened to be the next morning.

[lou-struck]

Seat 14F

Atsumu Miya x reader

WC: 1.3k 

~You are peacefully getting ready for your flight home in your long awaited window seat until your talkative seat buddy arrives. 

A/n: I am having so much fun finishing some of these WIPS. I hope you enjoy this one.

The terminal beneath your feet echoes the hollow yet eager sound that is created by your footsteps. The beige hallway twists and turns until you see a fight attendant gesturing you into the cabin with a large red-lipsticked smile. 

“Welcome aboard,” he beams as you step onto the plane.

“Thank you.” You smile back and readjust the strap on your backpack so it’s tighter to your back and at less of a risk of smacking the others in the face as you pass them. Their crumpled boarding pass is in your hand as they make their way down the long aisle. They had only started boarding minutes ago, but already, you see people slumped in their seats, softly snoring into their neck pillows. 

You are in Seat 14F, a window seat. There is something so comforting about having an extra wall to lean up upon in case you were to find yourself drifting off on this flight. 

Your eyes scan the row makers as you pass,

Row 9, 10, 11, 13. 

Row 14 is completely empty as you come to a stop, sliding past the first two seats on the right-hand side of the plane and tucking your travel backpack underneath the seat in front of you to save yourself from a lecture from the flight attendant later. 

You feel your phone in your pocket as you sit down in your seat, which apparently can be used as a flotation device should the plane come down over a body of water. Knowing you’ll most likely forget to do it later, choose now to turn the device into airplane mode and slip it into the mesh netting in front of you for later. With your phone gone, you choose to entertain yourself by watching out the little oval window as airline workers load the bottom of the plane with everyone’s luggage. 

Peering at the little cart, you try to see if you can spot them loading the suitcases you checked. Your white plastic one and the other one…

“Well, isn’t this my lucky day?” a honeyed voice drawls from behind you. “Looks like I got myself a cute lookin seat, buddy.”

“What brings you here?” you ask, watching as a handsome man with faux-blond hair slides into the seat next to you. He unceremoniously slides a gray backpack underneath his seat before wasting no time in making himself at home. 

“14E,” they beam, flashing you their paper boarding pass. Already, the parchment is crumpled beyond recognition and speckled with droplets of what you assume to be coffee. 

You roll your eyes and send him a playful smile. “Atsumu, I printed that boarding pass for you less than an hour ago. How have you managed to beat it up so badly?”

“Who’s Atsumu?” he asks, cocking his head to the side in mock confusion, obviously wanting to keep flirting terribly with you for as long as he can. “I’m uhhh.” he scratches his head in thought, “Mr. Handsome Stranger.”

You sigh as he continues this little ruse of his. “Well then, Mr. Stranger, have a seat.” You place your earbuds into your ear and try to keep a look of disinterest on your face as you scroll through your downloaded podcast episodes. 

“It’s Mr. Handsome Stranger.” He pouts, his cheeks puffing out comically, and he sits down in the seat next to you. From the corner of your eye, you see him looking at you with the biggest puppy dog eyes he can muster. When they spot something shiny on your finger, they gleam, and you can practically see the cogs turning in that pretty head of his. 

“Well, that’s a real nice ring on yer finger,” he hums, leaning well into your personal space; now that he’s closer, you can smell the mint gum he’s chewing, and you can’t help but wonder if it’s his attempt to cover his coffee breath. 

“Thank you,” you sigh, shifting in your seat and admiring the gem yourself in the light of your small oval window. “I got it from my Fiance.”

“Not husband?” he winks, “I guess I still have a chance with you then.”

You laugh at his terrible flirting like the hypocrite you are. Because that same flirtiness that (unbeknownst to you) is causing the other passengers to cringe in their seats was able to ensnare you over two years ago.

“Is there a problem here?” the flight attendant from earlier comes over with a stern expression. Their eyes narrow when they see the way your goofy fiance is practically on top of you, fiddling with your engagement ring. They make eye contact with you, looking for any kind of discomfort in your expression. “Is he bothering you?”

Atsumu slides off of you and into his seat quickly. His cheeks flush pink in embarrassment. “I-it’s not what ya think.” he starts to explain but he is silenced by the commanding gloved hand of the flight attendant who you now think is one of your favorite people on earth. 

People are watching, listening, just waiting for the moment to step in and rescue you. If it wasn’t some big misunderstanding, you would feel that your faith in humanity was restored. 

But you’re not in any danger, so just for a moment, you may as well enjoy this little in-flight entertainment, 

“Sir, did you know it is a crime to interfere with the takeoff and departure of an aircraft?” they ask with a vicious customer service smile. “Is this behavior of yours really worth jail time?”

“Wha?” No, I was just messing around..” Atsumu says in a smaller voice. His tone pulls at your heartstrings, and you know you have to come to his aid. 

“Tsumu, I got this.” You murmur, placing a hand on his bicep as a grounding touch and giving your would-be hero a genuine smile. “I am so sorry about this; this doof is just my fiance. He likes to use those cheesy lines to make me laugh.”

They look between the two of you with a discerning glance before. “Do you promise?” they ask. 

“I promise.” you laugh, relieved that Atsumu is feeling a bit less freaked out now that he isn’t at risk of being dragged off the plane and thrown in jail for his cheesy pickup lines. 

“Here’s my lock screen.” the volleyball player adds, showing the attendant a picture of the two of you wrapped in each other’s arms after one of his games. “We’re together, I swear.”

“Awe, cute.” the attendant says, shutting the luggage compartment above your head. “Glad you’re not a creep. We are about to take off soon, so don’t forget to put that phone in airplane mode, hon.”

“R-right, thank ya.” he breathes his fingers, fumbling with his slightly cracked screen protector to switch his device. 

“I see; one moment, please,” they hum, turning and walking down the aisle away from seats 14 E and F, leaving the two of you rather confused at his sudden exit. 

They come back a few moments later and sneakily slides two prepackaged snack boxes over to you. The ones that are only available in first-class cabins. This sly gesture of good faith is very much appreciated by the two of you. 

“Thank ya,” Atsumu whispers happily, unwrapping his miniature charcuterie snack. 

“For what? The attendant asks, looking innocent. “You two enjoy the rest of your flight.” With that, they turned and left to do their pre-flight duties. Now alone, you and Atsumu lock eyes and fall into a fit of laughter. 

“Oooh, you almost got in trouble.” you tease, leaning your head against his shoulder.

 “What do ya think plane jail is like?” he hums, fiddling with your engagement ring. 

“Hmm, I don’t know,” you murmur. “It’s not too late to find out, though, if you want to call the flight attendant back.”

“Oh shuddup,” he chuckles, turning in his seat and kissing the crown of your head. “You wouldn’t do that to me; ya like my flirtin’ too much.”

“Whatever you say, baby.” You smile, prepared to spend the rest of your flight in the arms of the man you love. 

Tagging: @enchantedforest-network

[peytons-depression-land]

Soldier Coffin Baggage Claim

A sailor’s coffin was unloaded from an airplane with a military procession. I was sitting in the terminal of a southern city’s regional airport this weekend - Memorial Day weekend - and saw it happen. Seeing this sight on this very weekend sounds almost too contrite or planned an occurrence to be believed, as potent with uniquely American meaning as an American flag outside a McDonalds at half-mast after a mass shooting, but it happened, and I was sitting right there. 

My first sign of the goings-on were the seven Navy sailors I saw out on the tarmac as I walked down my terminal. I spotted them through the large windows that often line the sides of US airport terminals; windows, I’ve often speculated, that seem designed to present the would-be flyer with a comforting glimpse at the ordered, regimented routine of air travel minutia. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, just look! Your flight will be as smooth and clockwork as the methodical procedure you see right now on the runway through these windows.” But back to the sailors. They stood out on the tarmac, close to the building, six in two rows of three, the leader in front. Five of the sailors were in the little Donald Duck type uniforms with the little hats and two seemingly higher ranked sailors, one man and one woman, in the all-white dress uniforms you see Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer wear in Top Gun. The group appeared to be doing some sort of drill, but I paid them little mind, as nothing else was going on around them. I figured maybe there’d been a procession earlier, and they were just the last remnants, finishing things up. When you grow up in the South, around military instillations, you become numbly accustomed to the pageantry and uniforms of the national occupation. It becomes background noise. So, I went about killing time before my flight.

After a little while of sitting, reading my book, facing the runway window, I noticed that more was happening outside. Six of the seven sailors stood in a block next to a black hearse that had pulled up. In front of the hearse was a black SUV, people sitting inside behind the tinted windows. A police car with flashing lights sat at the front of the convoy. Airport ground crew, in their ear protection and high-vis vests, had removed their hats and stood solemnly. What other time have you seen airport employees come to a complete stop? Or any American employee for that matter? Labor only stops to honor the empire. A thumb headed cop stood off to the side. Drivers exited the SUV and hearse. From the back of the SUV emerged the white suited Navy woman along with a thin, frail civilian woman. The dead’s mother? Sister? Wife? They all waited for the arrived plane to taxi to the gate.

As I was noticing all this, a crowd inside had gathered around the window. They were the other travelers and people on my flight – on this plane about to dock and unload the coffin. The odd thing was how intensely everyone was reacting to the situation. Sure, I couldn’t blame them for watching, I was too (and even taking these notes), but they seemed so solemn and emotional. Many of them are even recording the proceedings with their phones. Why? Did they plan on watching it all back later? Showing others? They were as unrelated to the event as I was, so why were they so invested as to want to film it? Did they just feel it’s what they were supposed to do? Has a lifetime inside the imperial core conditioned them to the point that they can, at will, stir up emotion within themselves at the hint of supposed “military honor”? I’m being judgmental, but I hardly doubt they do this when they happen upon a normal funeral possession driving down the street or exiting a church.

The little conveyor belt car pulled into place on the tarmac, ready for the plane. The six sailors -five Donald Duck and one Top Gun - took their places, three on either side of the conveyors end, ready to grab the impending wood box. The plane taxied into the gate. A hatch near the plane’s front was opened. The lone woman relative seemed ready to cry. I don’t want to sound too harsh, cynical, or heartless in regard to her dark hour.  I most likely would never have the gall to say anything to her face, which I suppose makes me a coward in my convictions. But, then again, I struggled, and struggle still, to feel bad. How can I feel bad when I know what the service of the person in the box truly represents? How can I feel bad when I hate everything the US military stands for and does? Then again, maybe she felt the same way, maybe she didn’t want them to join, and yet, they’re gone all the same – someone she cared about. It’s conflicting, balancing your ethical stances and anger against the cogs of imperialism vs the necessary empathy for individuals and the material conditions that lead them to where they end up.

The flag draped wooden box began lowering down the conveyor belt, much slower than I’d ever seen suitcases and packages unloaded. I’d never know they belt and strap the American flag onto the coffin for the entire duration of the trip. Subsumed by the flag, even in death. There’s a profound strangeness in watching a coffin, a supremely reverent object in our culture, unloaded from the same place and in the same way as travel luggage. A cargo hold of souvenir and dirty underwear and bikini stuffed suitcases and also a dead body – supposedly the most important kind of dead body, a solider. Do more important soldiers get their own planes, or are they always just lumped in the hold of some commercial airline jaunt? The box finally reached the end of the conveyor. The relative was watching over, crying. Top Gun lady applied a professional level of sympathy, a hand on the woman’s shoulder. “There there.” The six sailors awkwardly waddled the box from the conveyor into the hearse, my former Donald Duck description feeling darkly ironic. The sailors saluted the coffin as the hearse driver closed the big back door. The crying relative and Top Gun lady got back into the SUV and their driver got back behind the wheel. The cop car drove off, the hearse and SUV following. The six sailors stood at attention as the convoy pulled out and the ground crew around them prepared to unload the normal luggage. Before the sailors broke from salute, suitcases and duffle bags started being chucked down the same conveyor belt that minutes before had a dead body on it.

The sailor procession disbanded and made their way off the tarmac. The remaining cop outside fist bumped an orange vested runway worker as he waddled back to the building. Inside, all the other passengers drifted away from the window. One or two of them sniffled. Again, I can’t help but wonder if they were actually crying, or if it’s some sort of act, some sort of inner patriotic voice telling them they should be feeling emotional. Suitcases kept tumbling down the conveyor car as the plane was unloaded. The eagle had landed, now back to work as usual; the work whoever it was in the box had died for.

Five minutes later and you’d have never know it even happened. Back to just being a normal airport.

[wilbursinnocentghost]

A surprise encounter

As Eddie was finishing up editing from his video he did with narrator his phone notifications went off and at last it was none other than mully.

Mully- hey I just wanted to ask if you're planning on going to vidcon with me, Narrator and the others this up coming Friday?

Eddie- Yeah, I'll need to start packing and I'll meet you at the airport when I arrive.

not waiting for a reply he quickly shut off his phone, grabbed a suitcase, picked up some clothes he was going to wear the day of Vidcon and before because he was planning to get there sooner. 'This'll work!' Eddie thought wiping his hands from the invisible dust that was supposedly on his hands. Zipping up his suitcase with everything he needed Eddie grabbed his keys (To his house and car) and headed out the door of his tiny apartment (he's going to have a apartment because I don't know if he owns a house or not.) 'Vidcon here I come!' He smiled at the adventure that awaits.

***

Once he arrived at the airport he sat down and waited for his plane to be called.

Flight 24 to Florida will be taking off in 5 minutes all passengers please board the plane! and have a safe flight!

Taking a deep breath Eddie picked up his suitcase and boarded the plane. He walked down the rows of seats until he found his. sitting down he fell asleep..

Waking up to someone shaking him awake. Slowly opening his eyes he saw the smile of someone familiar..it was Josh! "Come on! the plane just landed and we wouldn't want to keep the others waiting now would we?" Josh laughed and Eddie got up from the planes seats and followed after josh.

When all the boys were gathered up and in the Airbnb, they went to their separate rooms and got unpacked. They had met back up in the main lobby to discuss what they were going to do. Juicy was the first to bring up a suggestion "I have an idea! what if we split up? like Mully and Josh go together in one group, and Me and Narrator..but that only leaves Eddie.." Eddie shrugged "I don't mind being by myself, That just means more exploring for me." they all nodded "Then I guess it's settled then!" and once Juicy said that they split up going to their designated partners and went off to explore. Once everyone left leaving only Eddie in the room. He decided to take a walk, what better way to explore when you're on a walk right? and he took off leaving the room a silent and empty one.

As Eddie was taking a walk he ran into someone more like they ran into him. "I'm so sorry! I honestly wasn't looking where I was going" The figure said holding out a hand for Eddie to take (which he did) He just so happened to look up to see T ̶h ̶e ̶y ̶ he had short blackish brown hair, His eyes were a dark chocolate brown, A dark blue beanie rested on their head. (their outfit is not important.) "It's alright, The names Eddie by the way" Eddie said decided to introduce himself and gave the male a smile. "My name is Alex or Quackity has everyone calls me!" Alex said giving him a cheeky smile...

[fractallogic]

Today I had an ANNOYING day at work because I felt very stupid and spent WAY too much time on a stupid troubleshooting task, and then (probably) because I was rushing to finish a task for one of the engineers, they were like “uhhhhhhhh are you SURE you actually did the thing” and I’m like GOD WELL IM 33 YEARS OLD WITH A FUCKING PHD you don’t need to talk down to me like that

And then I decide to try the sub at yoga because she was there for the second week in a row and my joints HURT and maybe it’s from not doing yoga enough, but she was very medium and felt very new, so she had potential but only if this studio has a robust practice of other instructors taking classes and giving feedback (which at least for the Monday night, Saturday morning, and Sunday evening classes, it definitely does not)

So then I thought about trying to get hired as a sub at this studio, but I think they want everyone to be RYT certified and I ABSOLUTELY let my certification lapse sometime in LBG because that studio owner didn’t care (reasonable tbh, she was like all I can tell is it’s basically a cash grab for them and RYT-certified vs non-RYT-certified instructors aren’t any different except for who can afford it and who can’t), and idk I don’t know if I really want to go through the work of bringing my certification back up to date when it’s not going to be my ~CaReEr~, you know

And then I came home and I was STARVING and I just wanted to be left alone for several hours to eat my dinner and fucking go back to work, but, you know, scone lives with me now, so that didn’t happen, and that made me remember that I need to get therapy appointments set up, and who tf has time and energy to teach yoga, even as a sub, when I clearly need to have more therapy instead so that I can like, be in a happy relationship with my partner who insists on doing dumb shit like a keto diet and wanting to fight me on topics like “keto cured their cancer” “they don’t know that in this self-published book from what looks like 2004 with WIKIPEDIA REFERENCES jfc, all they can see is a correlation” “…but they SAID…”

And then I had to go to work and that was nice, actually, because I could make some pivot tables and Google sheets formulas and feel smart and say “this is my recommendation” in time for the more senior, customer-facing person to do some kind of reporting to the customer in her morning eastern time tomorrow

And I ate a crappy brownie that came with my lunch (because for $10, it was cheaper to get my JJ’s meal deal with one of everything than say “no dessert please because they have all sucked except for the one cookie you ran from June through July 4th”) and watched TV and went fuck, I need to go to bed AND ALSO FINISH THE FUCKING BOOK CLUB BOOK for the book club I’M leading with MY book suggestion during lunch tomorrow UGH

Today was just so fucking irritating. I don’t like feeling stupid. I don’t like it when men talk down to me. I don’t like being annoyed by scone. I don’t like it when yoga teachers are just meh at their job.

At least I have my business trip plane tickets and hotel booked for Dallas next week, and I am VERY much looking forward to getting ALL of my skin scrubbed off at the K-spa in Dallas (and hopefully a massage too—I should make my way out of the K-spa at 5-5:30, and if I have to stay for the work thing ending at 2, well…) afterward before I get on the plane back home as a treat

I am really hanging onto my grumpiness by my fingernails and it is really, really fighting me to get free and wreak havoc

BUT HEY it’ll be DIFFERENT tomorrow at least (I hope)

[lonelystoner79]

Flight Of Passion

You are called upon to attend a mega conference for your job, and even though you don’t really want to go, it gives you a break from the boring home life and it’s a good networking opportunity for you. You are going through the standard process of getting through security, finding your gate, and waiting for your group to be called. Today is just another typical mind-numbing day, you just so happen to be traveling. Your group gets called and you shuffle along with all other passengers like herded cattle to make your way into the plane cabin. You place your carry on in the overhead compartment and take your seat. You get settled in and lean your chair and head back, close your eyes, and before you know it you have dozed off into a light slumber. Not soon after, you hear a voice that appears to be in a dream.

A: “Sir, we are getting ready for take off, please put your seat in the upright position, sir …” 

You become awake enough by the sound of my voice to begin to open your eyes. When they adjust, you are in completely amazement as what a stunning woman is standing right in front of you. I repeat the directions for your chair and you comply. I thank you and return to my post. You are now fully awake as you fixate on me and inconspicuously watch me from your seat. To pass the time, you look at some magazines, occasionally glancing up to see if you’ll catch a glimpse of me. It’s finally time for snack and drinks and you see me start rolling the cart down the aisle. You become internally giddy, feelings of butterflies engulf your tummy. I’m slowly approaching your row, we make eye contact and I smile at you. When I finally get to you, I ask you how your flight is going and if I can get you something to drink. You tell me you’ll take a Coke and pour it out for you. As I hand you your drink, our fingers lightly brush together. Even though it was for a brief moment, the sensation of my soft fingertips running over your hand was just enough to spark something inside you that you haven’t felt in a long time. You sip your coke as your mind begins to wander into an erotic fantasy of you and I. You think about what I would look like naked and how our bodies could intertwine together. Moments go by before you realize it’s been so long since you’ve felt any kind of excitement from any situation and today a stranger is evoking all kinds of sensations. You are intrigued with how this scenario can pan out. Before you know it, you hear my voice behind you as I’m collecting trash from the passengers. You quickly finish your Coke so you have an empty cup for me. I get to your row and you throw your cup in the trash bag. I ask you how your drink was and you said refreshing. While I continue down the aisle, you can help but to check out my ass in the tight pencil skirt I was wearing. You soon hear the announcements that we will be landing shortly and you get a little sad that this flight will be soon ending. 

As everyone else was exiting the plane, I noticed you were still in your seat. Well this was due to the seat belt buckle being stuck and I offered to help you out. As I was leaning over in front of you, you were able to get a good glance down my blouse, a nice cleavage shot. That sight and the combination of me fiddling around with the belt buckle right on your lap began to make you excited. You couldn’t help but to start growing inside your pants. You became nervous as to whether I would notice or not. I continued to pry at the buckle with my hands inches away from your member, when suddenly I’m able to get it released. You are unaware, but I did take notice of the growing bulge in your pants and had to catch myself from staring. Being that you’re rock hard, I know you won’t want to stand up right away, so I tell you to take your time getting off the plane and as I place my hand gently on your shoulder and ask if there is anything else I can get you. You tell me I’ve been very helpful and you are happy you are no longer stuck in the seat. I joke with you about how if I couldn’t get you undone you would have to stay on the plane with me and fly to the next city.

I walk away to continue my post flight duties as you squirm around in your seat until you’ve gone down enough to stand up and collect your belongings from the overhead compartment. You look down the aisle to see me at the back end of the plain and we exchange glances. You give me a wave as I call out to you to have a good rest of your day. You exit the plane. As you’re walking through the terminal, you begin to kick yourself for not at least introducing yourself. When would you ever get a chance to cross paths with a cute, sweet, well traveled lady such as myself again? You sulk in the missed opportunity, but carry on with getting to your destination. You have some time to spare so you grab a snack and beverage at one of the airport bars. You are sitting at the bar finishing up with your food when all of a sudden you spot me briskly walking through the terminal, pulling a small carry-on case behind me. You quickly pay, grab your items, and rush to catch up to me. I’m pleasantly surprised to see you again. We continue walking and realize we are heading the same way to get a ride to our hotel. We also discover we just so happen to be staying at the same place, so we decided to share a ride. We are just making small talk with one another, I’m telling you about my travels and some of my favorite places I’ve visited. You discuss your work which is the reason you are here. 

Our shared Uber arrives and you help put my luggage into the car and open the door for me - such a gentlemen! We both slide into the tiny sedans back seat and off we go. 

We get to the hotel and check in at the front desk, you go ahead of me as I still need to pull up my reservation. You get your hotel keys and turn around towards me, thank you for sharing the taxi and you hope I enjoy the rest of my trip. As you head to the elevator you think, dammit another missed opportunity, I should have asked her out for a drink. It’s been so long since you’ve even been flirty with someone of the opposite sex, so it’s understandable you’re a little rusty with your pick up skills. 

You arrive to your room and are getting settled in, turn the TV on and lay down on the bed and begin to scroll on your phone when suddenly there is a knock on your door, you didn’t call and order anything to the room, you are slightly confused. You don’t check the peep hole, you just open the door and to your amazement you see me standing there. You almost didn’t recognize me as I’ve changed out of my uniform. 

A: “I hope you don’t mind, I was able to hear what room you were in when the hotel clerk gave you your keys. I was wondering if you didn’t have anything else to do, if you would care to join me for a bite to eat downstairs?” 

You didn’t even hesitate and with the biggest grin on your face you exclaimed, “Absolutely!”

We head downstairs and grab two seats at the bar.

A: “I hope I’m not intruding on your time. Normally I’m with my co-workers, but they had my stay here last minute and this was the only hotel with an open room.” 

E: “You are most certainly not. I did not have any plans tonight anyway and I’m thrilled to have your company.”

You walk me to my room and we are standing in front of the door, you feel like you’re back in high school dropping off your date at her parent’s house. We are both blushing and smiling at each other, thinking about a potential kiss, but we each are a little too hesitant to make the first move. I start to open the door to the room and begin to make my way into the doorway. I’m thanking you for a great conversation at dinner, when I suddenly just go for it. I grab your hand and lead you into my room as the door closes behind us. I pull you in closer towards me until our lips touch. We engage in a passionate kiss as our hands start wandering up and down each others bodies. You push me up against the wall as our making out is getting hot and heavy. You start kissing on my neck, my eyes flutter, and then you whisper in my ear how badly you just want to fuck me raw. I love hearing what you want to do to me. I push you over to the bed and start to undress you. Pulling your shirt off over your head and then my hands feeling all over your chest and abs. I then get to your pants and yank them off, boxers and all. I follow by stripping off my clothes for you until I’m completely naked and I lay down on the bed next to you. We wrap our arms around each other and continue kissing, enjoying the blissful feeling of our nude bodies rubbing up against each other. I decide to take the lead and pin you down to the bed as I straddle you, I begin kissing up and down your neck, then your chest, then down to your stomach, when I finally reach the prize of your glorious throbbing pink cock. I start licking and sucking like my life depended on it, barely even coming up for air. I can tell you are enjoy it by your moans and you’re praising me on what a good girl I am. After I have you all wet and slippery, I position myself on the bed, on all fours, ass up. 

A: “I want you to fuck me hard from behind.” 

You oblige and get behind me where you stuff yourself into my warm pussy. You start slowly grinding into me as you’re grabbing on my waist and occasionally spanking me. I ask you to start going faster and harder and assure you that I can take all of you inside me. Your thrusting begins to get faster and you’re slamming harder into me from behind. I’m moaning loudly with pleasure, my eyes are rolling in the back of my head, you got me so close to climaxing. I’m reaching my hand back in between my legs where I can rub my clit and play with your balls. 

A: “Get it Enrique, you’re right there. Please make me cum.” I’m begging you so hard. You finally reach my spot and I let out a loud moan as you can feel me tighten up on your dick. You slow down the pace as you allow me to recover from one of the most intense orgasms I’ve had in my life. I slide off you, A: “Your turn 😜” I make you lay down on the bed and I get in between you legs and start going to town on you again, tasting the juices of your labor that I squirted on you. I eventually climb on top of you and you slip yourself into me. My hips slowly grinding into you, I lean down and kiss you. You wrap your arms around me and turn me over into missionary position. You’re pumping me full of your hard dick while whispering in my ear what a good slut I’m being and I should get ready for some cum. I tell you that I’m ready baby, give it to me. You give me a good last few pumps then you pull out and blow your load all over the front of me. I love being covered in your cum. You get up and run us a shower. We wash ourselves off, having fun making each other all soapy and relishing in more time we get to spend touching each other bodies. We finish up and then realize how late into the night it is, and we are still trying be somewhat responsible adults, so we decide to each retire for the night so we can get up for our respective jobs the next morning. I slip into a robe while you get dressed back into your clothes. I walk you to the door where we share another intimate kiss that we just don’t want to end but it must. You leave my room and return to yours, astonished at what opportunity had just presented itself to you. 

[littleharpethcrossfit]

Saturday, 21 October, 2023.

It was a brisk 45 degrees at the early workout, but it warmed to 60 degrees by the start of the 0930. A perfect sunny Fall morning at the Barn.

The Admiral and Birthday Boy Armando led our mobility warmup.

Warmup #2

Demo'ed by Dana.

4 Rounds

10 Banded Good Mornings

10 Banded Thrusters

Armando's 51st Birthday WOD

1 ROUND

10 Bench Press ( 185 / 135 / 85 )

Row-Ski 1,972m or Bike 3,944m

18 Deadlifts ( 225 / 185 / 125 )

51 Sledge-Hammers

10 Minute Interval For Rest And Re-set Equipment

Bernard's 47th Birthday WOD

1 Round

10 Shoulder To Overhead ( 135 / 95 / 75 )

Row-Ski 1,976m or Bike 3,952m

24 Power Cleans ( 135 / 95 / 75 )

47 Sledge-Hammers

Scores:

Post Time For Armando WOD and Time For Bernard WOD.

HOWEVER, Chicken-Legged Larry gave me some heart-felt suggestions regarding the posting of scores, and since I am always and forever in tune with the old "2 heads are better than 1" (except in marriage), I realized that posting scores as one combined number was a superior method. Even better would have been scoring the elapsed time from start to finish including the 10 minute rest. But since we didn't post that way, I did all the math, combining everyone's scores and collating them as (thanklessly) always.

Shane=25:34** Bernard=25:41** Larry=26:03** Armando=26:20** Ed=27:58** Elisa/Kayla/Alicia=28:06 Robert=28:30** LSU=28 "something" Nathan=29:30* Rodney=29:31 Jon=29:33 Warren A=29:38 Joe=30 "something" Mitch=30:56 Dyer=32:09* Tim=32:30* Cherrita=33:45 Coach=35:54 Tom=35:56 WG=38:16 Faith (The Kid)=39:39 Shannon/Michelle=41:00 Sandy=42:00 Average Dave="Personal Records" Many failed to post scores. Like the lovely Ruth Anne.

Notes:

Considering these two Birthday WODs were designed by unprofessional programmers while under the influence of copious alcohol, our gang performed them with enthusiasm and negligible glomming.

Jon was sponsored by Rodney and is a Pediatrician known professionally by many of us. FYI, Robert has a jealous and monetarily competitive disliking for all Medical Doctors. Billed as a mono-structural athlete (runner), Jon seemed to do well under Rodney's tutelage and left with a fine BSN T-shirt. Michelle is Shannon's Sister and today was her first visit to the Barn. I think Michelle was intimidated and did not want to work out with us, stating her inclination to just go for a run in the park. With some arm-twisting and locking the Arboretum gate, I got her to work out with Sister Shannon. And it was a beautiful thing to watch. I'm sure they made fond memories today. She left with a T-shirt also.

Usually Kayla brews us iced coffee on Saturday mornings. Timmy even brought extra ice. Alas, Kayla didn't bring the coffee fixings today, mumbling the excuse that she "didn't come here from home". She left in a hot-rush immediately after the WOD like maybe she left something boiling over a hot fire, or maybe left the shower running.

Miss Linda returns from visiting our North Carolina Kids today, and she is going to be crabbier than usual when she sees all her pre-cooked meals that she left for me untouched in the fridge. She will know that several of my favorite Barn Girls fed me with their own home-cookin'. Usually the resident dog would have profited from this situation, but Miss Esther took Ginger The Pup home with her for the last few days.

This commercial showing Domino Pizza delivery persons flying thru the air delivering hot Pizza's without benefit of parachutes or drones is going to result in an outbreak of youngsters who identify as birds getting killed jumping from planes or other high places. Kayla brought a SoCal girl-friend to the Barn last week who I believe thinks she is a bird. Sammy D wasn't here that day, else they woulda bonded like Gorilla Glue.

Sunday at 0730 and 1 PM. I hope Kayla can make it.

[calonise]

Aight, back at this, because I wanna just put it out there and have some "closure".

So few months had passed by ever since we stopped talking, until the festival date was nearing, we started to chat again, mostly regarding logistics of the festival, plane tickets (we were flying together) and the overall trip thing.

Day 1 consisted on traveling, my dad made us the favor of driving us (me, my roomie and the girl) to the airport (thanks dad), on the way there we picked this girl, we hadn't talked for months and she immediately sprinted towards me and almost tackled me with a hug... It was weird and satisfying? You see, in my whole life I've been devoid of physical affection and... Affection overall, so when I'm shown the slightest affection I gravitate towards that person the way a moth does to light.

We got to the airport, we said goodbye to my dad and we got onto the plane, once aboard, we were seated all in the same row, and she was next to me... The whole flight I was hugging her and she fell asleep in my arms (I love when girls do this) and this was... Dangerous, because there were MANY red flags already that I should have not ignored, but I still ignored them and "enjoyed" the moment.

We arrived to the destination airport, we had dinner with my roomies BF @ the airport as we waited for another friend's flight to arrive, once the gang was all together we headed towards our Airbnb where we would stay a whole week.

I don't wanna drag this much, but the first few days we hung out and went out to some restaurants and other places, I wanna mention that during these first 3 says, the girl in question was hitting on me hard, so hard that even my friends told me so too, and we were acting like a couple, and this included some physical stuff too, BUT, here's where the shit takes a turn, on the evening of the third day, this girl started to act cold towards me, after we started to act like a couple, whenever I asked if there was anything wrong, she said nothing was wrong.

Well... At the night of the third day, when we were riding back home on an uber, she was messaging someone and that person sent her audios, she played one with the audio high enough to hear 4 words: "I love you too." It was a male voice, I... Took a glance at her screen and the name had a heart on it (I know this is invasive, and I couldn't help myself). At that exact moment, it all made sense and... I literally could hear how my heart shattered like glass.

Needless to say... I just kept quiet the rest of the ride, looking at the window, trying to fight back tears and just crying... I felt betrayed, played with and many many more ugly things about myself that even right now as I write this and remember it, makes me so fucking sad... Imagine finding out that the girl you were crushing on, that you had "something" with, the girl you confessed to after YEARS of not trying something with someone because of trauma, that that girl, already had a boyfriend for God knows how long, and she never had the guts to tell me, like "hey so, I have a boyfriend now, we shouldn't try anything beyond friendship" and instead was hitting on me and getting my affection and attention. That Uber ride back to the Airbnb was one of the most miserable moments of my life...

As soon as we got to the Airbnb, everyone hung out at the living room to watch some TV, but I headed straight to my room, to my bed, with lights off and door closed, I just cried my heart out, in silence, as to not disrupt everyone else... I have not told anyone this, but that night I really just had the ugliest of thoughts about myself, and what was worse is that I felt that I couldn't tell anyone about it, not even my roomie and best friend, as I didn't want her to outcast this girl or something since we still had 6 fucking days, 6 of the longest days of my life.

There's still way more to this but, as I'm finishing writing this off I'm emotionally exhausted and on the verge of tears... I'll continue posting this story once I recharge my emotional battery.

[winchestersworld4]

Crazy Girls on Planes

Reader gets a shock when a stranger on a plane shows her a little kindness on a bad day. 

Word Count: 6400

Would love for any other writers to jump on and help me navigate tumblr, I’ve only used fanfiction in the past, let me know if I’m totally screwing this up over here!

.................................................................

“I don’t understand… I-I have my ticket?” You repeated yet again to the flight attendant as you stood in the isle of the plane while everyone loaded.

“Yes ma’am, I’m aware. Apparently, there was a glitch in the system and the same seat was booked twice. Once for you, and once for the gentlemen who’s currently seated with his friends.”

You looked up to the group of frat boys, sighing as you realized winning this battle would be just as worse of a punishment as losing it would be, anywhere else on the plane would be better than being the girl who forced their friend away.

“Is there anywhere else I can sit?” You asked with a polite smile. The last thing you wanted to do was get off of this damn plane when you worked so hard to force yourself to get on it. You knew if you got back off, there was a chance you’d call him.

You’d cave.

You’d go back.

You couldn’t let that happen, because fuck him. He doesn’t get to choose for you anymore.

“We’re gonna finish boarding everyone back here, but I think we may be able to place you in first class. We had a cancellation at the last minute.”

“Okay, thank you.” You breathed. You waited about 10 more minutes standing awkwardly at the attendant’s area until she came back for you.

“This way please.” She smiled wide. “We found a great spot for you, it is however the window. If you don’t mind?”

“No that’s fine. Anything is fine.”

“Okay, follow me then!”

You followed her to the front of the plane, sitting in the 3rd row of seats to the window against the left side of the plane. You smiled when you realized the seat next to you was empty. First class was much nicer, only two seats but the same space as the 3 seat isles, so you could breathe your own air. You preferred the isle because you get claustrophobic, you’re already terrified of planes, and you were still on edge from the dramatic break up that took place only hours ago.

You were a mess.

Anxious. Sad. Angry.

Messy bun and scrub pants, and your favorite old hoodie on in between.

Your make up was left over, and thank you Jesus for lash extensions because without them you’d look like a chronically ill person. They were the only thing giving your face some dimension right now as they contrasted with your eye color.

You sat back and closed your eyes. Angry that you had forgotten your ear buds and had taken the last of your anxiety medication on the plane ride up here.

You tried to make your mind wander as you listened to the flight attendants move about and make final preparations, but just as you were sure it was time to close up and start the safety speech someone came jogging up the aisle.

A tall man in a black cap, black jacket, and blue jeans rushed to the seat beside you. You instantly turned to face the window, not wanting to make conversation. It was obvious as he slightly huffed to catch his breath that he had almost missed the flight and was probably running through the airport from God knows where.

He settled in quietly and you could barely see him glance at you from your peripheral vision as he placed his ear buds in and the flight attendants began their speech now that all the doors were closed.

The plane began to make its way down the runway and the engine got louder and louder.

THIS was why you HAD to have your earbuds, or ear plugs, or anything to help reduce the noise. For some reason every groan of the engines and clicking noise convinced you that the engine was going to fail and you’d fall out of the sky to your death.

It was loud and overwhelming and you tried to force yourself to take deep breaths as the plane increased in speed. The wheel bumped against something on the ground and shook the cabin, you instantly reached over and grabbed the arm rests, except one of them was occupied and you grabbed a hand by mistake.

“Whoa, you okay sweetheart?” The man asked taking his ear bud out as you pulled your hand back after shortly making contact with him.

“Sorry.” You barely breathed out as you forced yourself to push air in and out of your lungs. Biting down on your lip as the wheels lifted and the plane lifted into the air.

“It’s okay, almost over.” He said as he reached down and grabbed your hand, letting you squeeze his far too hard as he rubbed his thumb in circles.

Finally, the plane became slightly calmer and more level, and you were finding yourself able to take in one solid deep breath as you opened your eyes.

“You good now?” He asked gently.

“Yes. I’m so, so sorry!” You sighed as you turned to look at him, pulling your hand away slowly as he released you. You thought you were as embarrassed as you possibly could be forcing a stranger to hold your hand because you’re a chicken shit, but no.

Oh no.

It gets so much better.

“Oh… my.” You stuttered as you finally looked up to his face. “Yo-you’re Jensen Ackles.”

“Yeah.” He chuckled. “That’s what my passport says.”

You looked at him, still slightly stunned as he looked back. Then you slightly leaned forward and pressed your fingers against your head as you began to laugh quietly, a sudden case of the giggles finding its way to you at the absolute worse time- now he definitely thinks you’re crazy.

“Uhhh… I don’t know if I should be insulted or not.” He mused.

“Oh. I-I am. I’m so sorry. It just…” You threw your hands up slightly. “God obviously has a sense of humor.”

Jensen stared at you with a funny look on his face before he lifted his hand to get the attention of the attendant not far from him, you watched in horror. Convinced he was going to ask for a new seat and you had hit an entirely new low in your life.

“Excuse me, can we get two jack and cokes? On my tab please.” He smiled, she nodded and he thanked her.

“What are you doing?” You asked curiously.

“Well. I’m buying you a drink, and then you’re going to tell me about God’s sense of humor.”

“That’s basically my life in one catchphrase.” You smirked.

“Well sweetheart we got about 4 hours left.” He challenged. “You obviously know my name, what’s yours?”

“(Y/N). (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

“Well (Y/N), it’s nice to meet you formally. I’m Jensen.”

“Oh, I’ve met you before.” You teased, unsure of where this confident humor was coming from since you’d been sulking or crying for the last 12 hours.

“Oh, so we’re old friends?” Jensen smiled as your drinks arrived. He pulled down his tray and set them both there in front of him. He nodded to yours as he picked his up for a swig.

“Oh no, not at all.” You said taking a small sip. “You were meeting hundreds of people that day, I probably blended into the background of your memory.”

“I find that hard to believe.” He challenged and you blushed.

“To be fair, I wasn’t acting like a lunatic that day so I may not have made the impression I’ve made today.”

“I don’t think you’re a lunatic, (Y/N). I think you’re upset. I think you need a drink and a chance to get whatever is in your head out in the open.”

You looked down and twisted your hands back and forth in your lap. Debating on just ripping the wound wide open and definitely letting him think you were a lunatic or airing on the side of caution.

“It was a con, I bet.” He mumbled while he waited for you to weigh out his offer.

“It was.” You chuckled. “I got a photo-op and an autograph, nothing spectacular on my part, but man you were the highlight of my day.”

You shook your head back and forth and leaned back against your seat as you took another sip.

“Well, so far you’ve been the highlight of mine. Today sucked.”

“I’m sorry.” You said honestly as you gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’m glad I could make it interesting.”

“I’m glad I could show you God’s sense of humor, how was that again?”

You sighed and smiled up to him.

“I am… a fucking mess right now.” You said plainly. Taking another drink before you started, letting the alcohol drop your guard a little. “I jumped on this plane to run away from my problems. I’m terrified of flying. I’m out of my meds that I usually taken when I have to fly. I left half of my shit in the hurry to pack, so I have no ear buds which is why we’re having this conversation now. I am wearing scrub pants because to be honest that’s all I ever wear, even when I’m not working- sue me. They’re easy to clean. I haven’t brushed my hair in a day, and I’m sure I’m only wearing make up on one half of either of my eyes. So yes… to sit beside Jensen Ackles on a plane, today of ALL days. Is God’s sense of humor.”

You threw back the last of your drink before setting the glass bottoms up on his tray table.

“Although, between you and the frat boys who would have hated me in coach, this is definitely the better option.”

“Yeah, how did you end up here anyways? I always book both seats and cancel one at the very last minute so I don’t have to sit with anyone. I was sure I had the wrong seat at first, but I double checked and here I was. Well technically, I was by the window. But I’m not picky.” He smiled.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” You said feeling bad now that you’ve invaded his space.

“No- no don’t. I’m glad you’re here. These 4 hours are going to fly by.”

“Haha, cheesy plane jokes.” You rolled your eyes as you tried to hide the stupid grin plastered on your face. “They double booked my seat, and the guy who’s in it is one of about six frat guys all sitting together. The flight attendant took pity on me and offered me the last minute cancellation.”

“Lucky you.” Jensen winked.

“Yes. Any other day, lucky me.”

Jensen called for 2 more drinks as he drank the last of his as well.

“So what are you running from?”

“Uhhhh… I just left my fiancé about oh… 7 hours ago. On the day of his sister’s wedding.”

“Wow.” Jensen nodded.

“Yeah. Uh. Kinda hard to stick it out when you find him fucking the maid of honor in the bathroom, but… It was a long time coming anyways. I think I tried to ignore all the flags, and God’s sense of humor gave me one I couldn’t ignore.”

“So you think he had been unfaithful before too?”

“Probably, but it wasn’t just that. It was the controlling everything in my life that started to suffocate me. I mean. When we first started dating it was so nice to have someone order for me and surprise me at dinner or push me to try something new. It was nice to have someone else drive everywhere. It was romantic to let him make plans for us.”

“But…” Jensen pushed, glad he was finally getting you to open up a little.

“When we got engaged, it was like a whole new level. As soon as I said yes he started pushing. First it was how we were going to tell everyone and who I was going to call first. I wanted to call my mom, but instead we made a surprise appearance at his parent’s dinner party so they could be the first ones to know. They put it on Facebook before I ever even got to call my mom.”

“Ouch. That one was a tough one I’m sure.”

“Not really. My mom was very understanding, which made me feel worse.” You shrugged as your second round of drinks arrived and you reached for yours with a small ‘thanks’.

“How long were you together?”

“Together almost 4 years, engaged about a year and half of that. We were trying to plan the wedding, but he shot down everything I’ve asked or picked out so it wasn’t getting us very far, although I guess I should be thankful for that now.”

“Yeah, but. It’s okay if you’re not.”

You looked up to him, kind of surprised that he wasn’t chanting some new single life mantra. Jensen had always come off as happy go lucky, and upbeat. You were betting on him to be the kind that cheered you on with a ‘fuck him’ and a ‘you deserve so much more’ blah blah blahh…

“It’s okay if you miss him.” Jensen said softly. “It’s okay if you second guess this. If you get scared and wonder if you made the right choice by leaving and not trying to work it out.”

You continued to stare at him, slightly dumfounded.

“It’s okay to feel like you’re going to mourn that part of your life. I mean… you’re what. 25? 4 years is a long time in your 20s. It’s a lot of changes and growth in that period of time, and it’s okay if you are sad about losing someone who was there for so much of it.”

“Why do you make it sound so normal?” You whispered.

“Because it is normal, (Y/N).” He assured you. “It’s normal to miss someone even if they were shitty. It’s normal to grieve the things you lost, even if they were things that hadn’t happened yet. You can still be happy to get away from such a terrible person, but miss everything you had.”

You looked away from him and out the window, trying to force the tears at the brim of your eyes to go back in. You did NOT want to cry in front of this man.

“Also- fuck him. You will be so better off without him.” Jensen then said with a cheery smile which made you turn back to him and giggle slightly.

“Yeah. I think you’re right about that.”

“So was the rock big?” He asked as he bounced his eyebrows.

“Yes. It’s huge actually.” You said as you fished it out of your pocket and held it up to him. He let out a low whistle.

“Well I just so happen to know that by law he cannot ask for this back, it was a gift. Any lawyer will side with you, and you should cash that baby in for a vacation you actually want to go on.”

“That, actually sounds amazing.” You smiled as you took another small sip.

“Where would you go?”

“Probably somewhere in the mountains. Don’t get me wrong, the beach is fun. The ocean and the sand, I love it. But it’s the only place we’ve vacationed in years, he had no interest in the mountains. I wanna wake up, look outside and see snowcaps and ridges for miles. Cold air and warm blankets. Fire place at night, stars brighter than I ever get to see back home.”

“Well then it sounds like you’ve got a vacation to book. I actually have a trip booked to Colorado in the next few months… maybe, uh. We can bump into each other and I’ll buy you another drink.”

“Oh that is sweet of you, but you are totally not obligated to take pity on the sloppy woman who stole your seat on the plane.” You assured him, looking down at your feet as you spoke.

“Did this asshole also tell you that you had to be put together to be beautiful? Because if he did he’s an even bigger shit bag. If I was taking pity on you, I’d offer you the extra pair of ear buds out of my bag and  order another drink for myself.”

“You don’t know a damn thing about me, Ackles. Why would you wanna do something like that? I could be crazy… I mean. More crazy then I’ve already displayed myself to be.”

“Because.” He chuckled. “You’re real. You’re not trying to impress me or show off. You’re not terrified to hold conversation, and I’m pretty sure God shared his sense of humor with you- that is sexy as hell. On your worst day you’ve turned mine around. So, I’d love to see what you got for me on a good day.”

You sat back and blushed, chewing on your lip slightly, trying to figure out if you had passed out in the airport and are currently having some vivid dream. Before you could reply, Jensen reached over and pinched you.

“Ow, what was that for?!”

“You’re not dreaming, (Y/N). This is not in your head. This is God’s sense of humor playing out to your favor… at least I hope you see it that way.”

“Well I didn’t spend 300 bucks for a photo op not to be a little shell shocked when Jensen Ackles asks me for a drink in the mountains…” You countered with a coy grin.

“Good. Consider it a date. We’re going the last weekend of September.”

“Should I just search the whole state for you?”

“No.” He laughed. “We’re gonna be in Breckenridge.”

“Okay… Breckenridge. Last weekend of September.” You nodded. He smiled back. “So why did you have a bad day today?”

“No way. I’m not complaining about my day after hearing about yours.” He shook his head.

“C’mon… you let me vent. Bought me liquor. Let me steal your seat- which had I known, I would have definitely taken the aisle because I’m claustrophobic as hell.”

“You think you’d be more comfortable if we swapped?”

“Actually… I’m not feeling so claustrophobic at the moment. Just. Warm and fuzzy.” You winked. He smiled back and bit down on his bottom lip. You swore you could have died in that exact moment and been happy on your way to the pearly gates. “Tell me about your day, Ackles.”

“Well.” He sighed. “I had to fly up for a funeral… old friend from school.”

“Jensen I’m so sorry.” You said reaching out and placing your hand on his instinctively. Many years in the hospital had taught you that death and dying sometimes just required a supportive touch, and you were quite accustomed to hugging and hand holding for family members as they grieved.

“It’s okay, he had been sick a long time. He’s not suffering, he’s at peace. He was loved, and that’s all any of us really want to have at the end of the day, right?”

“Yeah. It is. He must have been a great person to be important to you. You don’t strike me as the kind of guy who makes friends with assholes.”

“No, just crazy girls on a planes.” He teased. You let go of his hand to slightly shove him, but he quickly reached for it again. Your whole body felt a warm flush. “He was a great guy, we played ball together growing up. I feel bad, we lost touch for quite a while… just. Life got busy ya know?”

“That’s not your fault. That’s part of growing up.”

“I kept saying I was gonna fly in and visit with him, but… I waited to long. So today was the closest I got to being able to do that. I’m thankful for phones and stuff though, at least we got time to catch up from a distance.”

“I’m sure that meant a lot to him too, he probably knew your life was chaos right now with filming the show and everything. To know that you still thought of him, and made the time to talk to him. Even if it wasn’t in person. I’m sure that left an impact on him and his family.”

“Thanks, I hope so.” He sighed and then turned, obviously ready to change topics. “So, tell me something you’ve never said out loud.”

You pursed your lips as your eyes narrowed on him slightly, trying to decide if you should really let yourself get this vulnerable with Jensen Ackles of all people.

“I would probably let Sam Elliot tap this ass even when he’s 95 and can’t get it up.”

At that Jensen burst out in laughter, and you swore that you could never get tired of hearing that sound. He caught his breath, and turned to you.

“You are not the typical woman, are you?”

“Not so much.” You shrugged. “Or you’ve gotten me slightly drunk and I’ve made a fool of myself so far, not much worse I can do.”

“I’d cop a feel on Betty White purely to say I got to touch em.” Jensen countered. You gave him a look of mock surprise.

“Sir, how distasteful and absolutely attractive of you… I second that.” You said tapping your glass against his as you both took another small drink. “Okay. Honest answer. I know people say all the time that they would do everything the same, that things happen for a reason or whatever. But… there are things I would change. If I could go back, I’d never waste all the time I could have used for better things. I would have travelled more. I would have worked harder in school to avoid loans.”

“Call me crazy, but I’m glad you can’t because then I would have had an extremely sad plane ride home.”

“You never know… you may have met someone else. Someone pretty and fun to distract you.”

“I did meet someone pretty and fun, even if she is a little sad herself.”

You locked your eyes on his and you both sat there for a few seconds longer than necessary. Like you were really seeing each other for the first time.

“What about you, Ackles. Tell me something no one knows about the man who plays the great Dean Winchester.”

“Okay…” He took in a deep breath. “Dean and I have a few things in common. One of those being that all that cocky flirting is more of a front for a guy who struggles to accept that he deserves good things, wonders if he’s doing enough with his life.”

You tipped your head to the side slightly. Shocked to hear such an honest and vulnerable confession from him. You expected it to be a dirty secret from his time in Hollywood or something.

“What?” He asked, suddenly a little nervous as he tapped his foot and readjusted himself.

“You.”

“Me?”

��You honestly don’t understand how much you mean to people do you?” You said with a soft smile. “At that Con, there were so many people who were meeting you for the first time. All I could hear all day long was how nice you were to them, how you treated them like a real person, how you made them feel like you WANTED to be there with them. For some of them it was the highlight of their entire year… You made a difference to them. Not Dean- you. And those are just the strangers you met, listening to Jared or Misha or anyone else talk about how you treat people on set. How you show the upmost respect for any woman in a compromising scene. The way you protect Jared, take care of him. He’s honest enough with the fans that we all know he struggles. We all know that you love him, and that you obviously take care of the people you love. YOU Jensen, deserve good because you give good.”

“You hardly know me.” He shrugged.

“I know enough.” You countered. “You have done nothing but treat me much better than I deserve today. You will be the only reason I’ve smiled in the last 24 hours.”

“Thank you. For all of that…” He paused. “Man, this ex of yours must be a real dumbass to push around someone like you. Can I be honest with you for a moment, and you not get offended?”

“Sure.”

“From what little interaction we’ve had, I am honestly shocked you put up with someone pushing you around for so long. Let someone else make your decisions for you. You just don’t seem like the kind of woman who let’s anyone tell her what she can or can’t do. How the hell did he get you? And how did he manage to keep you for so damn long?”

You looked down to your lap again, chewing on your lip.

“Hey, I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have.” He said noting the way you shut down almost immediately.

“We’re being honest right?” You said looking up to him. “No judgements?”

“No judgement… just a guy and a girl on a plane having a conversation. Call it Vegas, what’s said here, stays here.”

“I’m terrified of being alone.” You admitted quietly, a tear threatening to make its way down your face. You coughed to push the strain out of your voice before you continued. “He was so invested in me. He came into my life at a time when I didn’t have a lot of people, and he made himself present in every aspect I needed someone to be. I needed someone to be there when I was going through school and having a hard time, or help with rent when school required more time and my job fired me. I needed someone to force me out of the house, to make me call and speak to my friends and family when I hid myself in this box because I was too far in my own head to get out. It sounds so pathetic, and I hate it.” Your voice cracked for a minute and Jensen reached out and laced his fingers in yours again. “But I have no idea how to be alone, I forced myself to get on this plane because I knew I’d talk myself out of leaving him purely because I’m scared. I’m scared to go home alone.”

You avoided looking up, terrified to see the look on his face. He probably got way more than he bargained for there and surely he’ll be rescheduling his vacation now so that he doesn’t have to deal with you after today. You can’t blame him. He probably thinks you’re going to attach yourself to him now, what a nightmare that would be… the awkward silence was suffocating all of a sudden.

“You are probably the bravest person I’ve met.” He said after a few seconds longer. You looked up to him like he was the crazy one. He reached up and wiped the stray tear that fell down your face. “Oh, I’m serious. I mean, the fact that you’re on this plane. Means that you just looked your fear in the face and told it to fuck off. It means you realized you deserved more, and you went for it. That takes guts, sweetheart. If no one else on the planet will ever know that, and tell you how proud they are- then I will. Because I’m damn proud of you.”

“Well at least someone is.” You sighed as you leaned against his shoulder, surprising even yourself at the move. You were even more surprised when he let go of you and reached down, pushing up the arm rest that separated the two of you, then he swung his arm over your shoulders and let his thumb trace against your arm.

It was the single most comforting thing you’d felt in months.

“You know, you’re not sad or pathetic. He probably did love you, at some point. How could he not?” You looked up to him and rolled your eyes but couldn’t hide the smile that graced your face without your permission. “I’m serious, (Y/N). It’s not sad and I doubt you were getting played from the start. He probably fell in love with you, and who you were as a person. But I also think he recognized that fear in you, and eventually started to use it to his advantage… and that’s not love. He probably ended up cheating because even though he no longer loved you, he knew he could always control you and that part of him wasn’t going to let you leave.”

“Jensen Ackles… actor, director, singer, and now certified therapist for crazy women on planes.” You joked with a smirk. He replied with a classic Dean Winchester smile and you lost the ability to breathe for a moment.

“I just can’t stand the thought of you getting off of this plane feeling defeated, because you should feel so proud of yourself. You shouldn’t go home dwelling on how you wasted all those years. I think he loved you for some of those years, and he obviously helped you through some hard times. It wasn’t a waste, but it just wasn’t what you needed any longer. You need to know you can stand on your own two feet and the world won’t end, because I promise sweetheart it won’t.”

Just as you went to reply the plane began to move unnaturally and you placed a death grip on Jensen’s knee, your other hand reaching up for his as he held you a little tighter.

“We’re okay. It’s just turbulence.” He said softly as your breathing increased and you closed your eyes once again.

“Ladies and Gentlemen.” The captain came over the speaker “We’re hitting a bit of rough patch, we’re going to be out of it shortly as we descend a few hundred feet to get below the storm, please remain seated and fasten your seat belts.”

You and Jensen separated slightly as you both refastened your seatbelts and the attendant came by to gather your empty drinks.

“You okay?” He asked as you both settled again and he placed his hand on your knee this time. He flipped over his palm to face up and you took the hint and wrapped both of your hands around his.

“Yeah.” You sighed. “No more jokes about the world ending while we’re this high up off the ground.”

Jensen chuckled and nodded.

“That’s fair. You don’t fly much do you?”

“No… the flight to the wedding was actually my first one in years. I had one back in highschool, but it was a nightmare.”

“What happened?”

“Turbulence.” You said with eyebrows raised as you looked at him accusingly. He smiled. “It was horrible, it went on for over an hour, they dropped the oxygen masks at one point and everything. I was sure that was it. I never got back on one after that, but my ex insisted that we fly instead of driving because he didn’t want to ‘look tired’ in the wedding photos.”

“You’re facing all kinds of fears today, aren’t you?”

“You must feel much better about yourself after all this. Knowing that you have so much going for you. That you don’t let things like this scare you.”

“There are plenty of things that scare me.”

“Name one.”

“Not being able to be myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… there are so many people who have an image in their head of who I am. What I’m like… and I don’t want to disappoint them, be less than they see. Let them down. Fans. Friends, family. I’m scared I won’t measure up if people really knew me.”

“So you’re facing a fear today too then, huh?” You asked.

“Yeah. I guess I am… are you disappointed?”

“The exact opposite, actually. Even if you didn’t tell me I was pretty and ask me for a drink… you were kind. You treated me like a friend, you’re funny, and damn you look better in person than on TV and I didn’t think that was possible.”

He chuckled to himself and blushed.

“Sorry… alcohol kills my head to mouth filter.”

“I like it that way. Unfiltered. Real… that’s the way you should always be around the people you love. If they can’t love you for who you are without the filters then fuck ‘em.”

“Take your own advice there, Jens.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Easier to say it than to do it.”

“You’re doing pretty well so far.”

“You make it easy, ya know? I don’t feel like I have to fake it around you. I don’t have to be the person you thought I was before we got on this plane.”

“I’m a people person.” You shrugged. “Comes with the job.”

“What do you do? The scrubs… I’m guessing medical field?”

“I’m a nurse.” You smiled.

“In the words of Dean Winchester… Respectable.” He nodded, you laughed at the reference to the show.

“Haha, I always did love that they married you off to a nurse.”

“You work in a hospital?”

“Yep. Cardiac, I can mend a broken heart.” You joked.

“Good to know.” Jensen nodded. The plane shook again. “I’m guessing all this stress isn’t doing that heart of yours any good, huh?”

“Probably no worse than the amount of caffeine I’ve had in the last 24 hours.”

“I always heard nurses make the worst patients.”

“Facts, Ackles. That’s shamelessly true. It’s because we see everything that can go wrong, we don’t want to know what’s gonna kill us.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah well.” You shrugged. “Sometimes I think we get calloused to minor things, unless someone is gushing blood or stops breathing then it can wait. Including ourselves.”

“I’m storing that knowledge for the future when I have to drag you kicking and screaming to a doctor’s office.”

“Future knowledge, huh?” You asked with a smile you couldn’t hide.

“You never know. The next few months will be big for you, lots of change. I don’t wanna disrupt your healing process here, but uh. I’m definitely looking forward to Colorado now.”

“Yeah, I’ll be booking that as soon as I get home.” You grinned. “I wouldn’t mind having a friend to check in with every once in a while, if he’s not too busy.”

“I think he could make time for that.”

You reached down into your bag, pulling a piece of paper out and using the pen from the back of the seat in front of you to jot down your number, you slid it over to him and he bit down on his lip as he slid it into his pocket.

“One more hour, Ackles. What do you wanna know?” You said as you glanced at the watch on his wrist.

“I wanna know whether or not your ex is going to come home and screw with you, did you guys share an apartment or anything?”

“Rent house. In his name, nothing is in my name actually. Control freak remember?”

“You have somewhere to go?”

“I’ll probably crash with my sister until I get an apartment. Gonna have to find one that takes dogs, because I’m not going without Sketti.”

“Sketti?” Jensen asked skeptically.

“Yes. Sketti. My niece couldn’t say spaghetti and when he was just a baby she ran around yelling sketti and he just seemed to think she was talking to him, so that’s what I named him.”

“What is he?” He smiled.

“Golden Retriever. Big ole derp, but he’s my best friend.”

“Sounds like the start to a great support system. I’m glad you got that part figured out. You got your own car?”

“Yes. That was one thing I didn’t cave on, I wanted to buy something for myself after graduation. It’s not much but it’s mine.”

“That’s all that matters, sweetheart. Just want to make sure there’s nothing he can hold over you.”

“Other than some drunken escapades in Cabo, not really.” You muttered shyly.

“That’s going to have to be our story for next time.” Jensen said with a coy grin.

The two of you continued to talk for the next several minutes, until it came time to land and you closed your eyes and let Jensen distract you with a funny story about Jared from set. Once the wheels hit ground and you finally rolled to a stop, you found yourself almost sad the plane had landed.

“Shall we?” He asked as he stood and reached out his hand to help you out of your seat, following you down the isle and through the ramp to the crowded airport in Dallas.

“Well, you got a ride picking you up?” He asked as the two of you walked slowly.

“I wish. 2 hour layover, and then one more short flight home.” You smiled.

“I guess this is where I leave you then.” He said as he stood in front of you. He pulled his backpack around and began digging through a pocket. First, he pulled something small out and held it in his hand as he zipped open the larger compartment. You were confused as he pulled out an old Cowboys hoodie and looked up to you with a smile.

“For your next flight.” He said as he held out some earbuds. You smiled widely as you accepted them with a chuckle. Then he pushed the hoodie towards you.

“Jensen, I can’t. This looks important to you.” You said as you ran your hand across it, it was clearly well worn and soft. A few frayed edges telling you he’s had it for quite some time.

“It is.” He nodded. “Got me through some hard days. You’ll need more than me for a while.”

“Jensen.” You said softly as you blushed.

“I’ll get it back in a few months.” He winked. You took it from him and wrapped your arms around it.

“Thank you, for this, for the plane… everything. I don’t feel so afraid to go home now.”

“Thanks for letting me just be myself for a while.”

“Anytime, Ackles.” You grinned. “Hey. Don’t go meeting any crazy girls on a plane between now and September.”

“Met my crazy girl quota for the year already.” He teased as he leaned forward and kissed your cheek. You lost your breath for a moment as he pulled back. He walked away but threw a glance over his shoulder at you before disappearing into the crowd.

“Dammit, Ackles.” You sighed as you walked in the opposite direction, a permanent smile on your face.

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Boyfriends^**

Inspired by the new song. I've been working on it since I heard the song Friday!

WC: 10.8K - It's quite long

TW: Mentions of verbal abuse & substance abuse.

For Harry, it was as easy as breathing, being in love with Y/N. He doesn’t even remember when it started happening. But all he knew was that since he was 16 he had been hopelessly in love with Y/N, his best friend’s sister. Being just a year younger than they were, she was always around and naturally, the older ones had to keep an eye on her and this lasted basically their whole lives. His family and Y/N’s family were close as they came and every year he, Skye, Y/N, and some of Skye’s other friends would take a little holiday to catch up and just keep the relationship alive. After COVID, they hadn’t been able to take their trip, so everyone was very eager to get away this time around. This time they’d be going on a trip to Cabo.  

This year it was Skye’s turn to choose the location of the trip; and well, she and her wife had moved out to California in like April of 2020 because her wife’s job relocated her. So really, they hadn’t seen much of Skye and Lena in the flesh since then. Y/N, Harry, and Gemma had stuck around England. Although, Y/N had actually moved to London around the same time as Gemma and well, Harry was living in Manchester, currently working as a Psychology and French professor in sixth-form and then on the side he writing his own music and performing it and selling it to record labels when they’d bite. He also hadn’t seen Y/N in at least a year so when he discovered that they were sat beside each other on the plane to Mexico it was a huge deal. She was looking up at him as he tried to put his carry on in the overhead space and when she realized it was actually him she jumped up immediately.

“Oh my god, H! Hi.” She sang sweetly into his neck as they hugged tight. He didn’t want to let go as they stood there, blocking the way until someone tapped on her shoulder, “I’m so sorry!” She laughed nervously and then urged him into the row. She pushed him along until he was sat at the window seat. Her hand was still in his.

“Oh, I’m middle by the way. We might need to move when this person comes along.” He informed her.

“He’s not coming.” She said a little sadly but firmly, “So you take that seat, s’ better than the middle one.” 

“Oh, umm sure.” He smiled softly.

“How’ve you been? We haven’t talked in ages. Then you go and delete your social media…” she said and he chuckled.

“It gets a little overwhelming.” He informed and she chuckled and nodded. The reason he deleted his social media was because she was all over it. Her and her boyfriends. He was more than relieved to hear that he had her to himself even if it was just for a few hours. Whenever they’d go on these trips she’d end up meeting someone, breaking away from the group and then coming back the last day or so, so right now he just wanted to drink up all of the attention he would get from her because he wouldn’t be getting it after now.

“You’re right. It can.” She agreed, “How’s teaching going?”

“Really good. I finished a certification so that I can teach sixth-form students now. I mean, it pays better and I mean, there are a few offers I have to choose from, but I guess it just depends on the subject I want to teach. Obviously, I want to use what I earned my degree in, which is the psychologist bit, which is an option. Then they also have the French, which they just kind of stick me into it because I’m pretty fluent, and one of the schools wants me because they’re developing their arts program. I completed a music technology certification over the shut in out of sheer boredom.” He shared, “Had to do something worthwhile you know? It was just a good time to expand my skills and now it could be a job.” He shared and she giggled. “What?” He asked.

“I forget you’re a huge nerd.” She hummed with a smile and well he was an adult now, he didn’t mind hearing it so much anymore. But hearing it again still brought back a lot of shitty things for him; he and Skye were the nerds in their class and they got bullied for it a lot. Y/N had always kind of been into her looks and staying on trend and she was a cool kid, even though she was wicked smart. She always finished top of her class, but because she was into the “cool” things no one bugged her about it. “You know, I miss hearing you talk about the things you’re passionate about. You just… give it 200% and it’s good to see you so happy and thriving.” She stated and his bad thoughts disappeared all together and he just smiled at Y/N timidly.

“OK, sure…” he chuckled and she reached for his hand again.

“No, I’m being completely serious. You know when you just talk to certain people and you end up leaving a conversation feeling like it was totally worth your time? I don’t think I’ve ever really had that feeling as consistently as I do with you. And I realize that sometimes the topic is not even anything that is relevant or interesting to me, but you make it so and I can just imagine how well your students receive information because you communicate and share your knowledge so well! I guess all that was just to say that I’ve missed it and I’ve missed you.” She confessed.

“I’ve missed you too.” Harry smiled. 

They continued chatting and catching up, Y/N had obviously been doing well for herself. She was a trends analyst and she consulted for hundreds, if not thousands, of people who ran major corporations to ensure that they were anticipating the needs of the public and not falling behind. Her job was all about knowing what was cool, what was in, and what was out. She was enjoying her job, she said, and then kept alluding to questions about her personal life and well, they’ve known each other their whole lives practically, it was boy issues. It hurt him. Since she had her first boyfriend at 14 - if one could even call it that at that age, but feelings are feelings - she’d always confided in Harry more than Skye for these matters. It had nothing to do with Skye’s sexuality, but more so that she was rather harsh and tactless when it came to giving feedback. Harry listened and more than that, he understood that love is relative and it can be foolish and blinding. He’d never make her feel stupid for falling for another shitty guy yet again, even when he’d warned her before about him. And truly, how could Harry judge her for pining after hopeless and lost causes when he kept showing up an doing the most knowing that she didn’t love him how he loved her and she likely never would. He understood because he was in the same boat. Everything he’d felt for her, everything he’d invested into her was taken as an act of friendship and nothing more. But by her alluding the personal questions, he knew it had to do with the man who’s seat he was in.

“Do you…” he paused, he didn’t want to hear her going on and on about some asshole that had broken her hopeful heart yet again, but if that was what she needed, he’d do it for her, no matter how much it hurt him. “Do you want to talk about what happened? Why this fellow isn’t here?” He asked and her eyes started welling up immediately.

“I’m stuck, H.” Is all she said softly before the tears started flowing silently. He frowned, what did she mean stuck? He pushed up the arm rest of the middle seat and she moved into his side quickly as she cried. He shushed her and ran his fingers through her hair. Just then, the flight attended wheeled up beside them and frowned.

“Are you alright, miss?” Y/N turned and nodded.

“I was just telling my friend here about my prick of a boyfriend.” She said and the woman smiled sympathetically. “Could I bother you for a napkin or tissues, though?”

“Certainly miss. Anything to drink? Or a snack perhaps?”

“Two glasses of wine please.” Harry said and the woman told him the selections and he ended up asking for the pinot noir. With glasses in hand, Harry asked her again what was going on.

“I met Rich two years ago, he was one of the representatives for a new client at my firm and he was great. Everything I’ve ever really been looking for in someone, he literally asked me out the day we met.” She said. Harry wanted to know what it was that made her interested in someone, could she ever be interested in him? Well who was he kidding, how could she be interested in someone who the only thing they had going for him was a 4.98 review on “rate my professor” for the one time he taught a Difference and Diversity course at MMU because his mentor had gotten COVID and then entrusted him with teaching the course. She was out of his league. “When we started dating he informed me that he was an alcoholic, and that he’d been sober three years. Which is fine, I didn’t have to drink if it made him feel uncomfortable and he said it was alright, but that for future reference, he wouldn’t kiss me or anything if I had drank. Understandable.” Harry nodded, “So in August of last year, the CEO of his company had a big celebration for the company turning 10 years old and so he brings up his team- Rich is up there and he hands everyone a champagne flute. No one but his closer co-workers are aware of his addiction. He doesn’t want to bring it up in front of everyone in the company that he can’t drink and so they do the toast and he had the champagne. He ended up getting sick so he didn’t drink for the rest of the night. I think he just felt so trapped and awful for drinking, at this point he was close to four years sober. He was a mess for a while after that, he had to go to therapy for a while to just process his guilt. It was a rough time.” She explained and Harry nodded, “After a month he hadn’t relapsed. It seemed that we were waiting, tip-toeing around social situations afraid that he would relapse, but it never came. So then at a friend’s wedding in November he had that flute of champagne during the toasts. I thought, “he was OK after last time, so this other isolated event will be fine”. And it was, that was all he had to drink again. Then Christmas came along and he drank with his cousins, the excuse was “it’s the holidays, it’s just a few beers”. We got in a huge fight about it, I could see how after this he would just slip back into it and I was worried because we had just signed the lease on our flat to move in after the new year. And he promised me that after new year’s he would go back to zero alcohol; that he needed to because now we would be sharing everything and he would have to be more responsible in general. He assured me he would join a 12 step program again and find a new sponsor. He got in a fight with his previous sponsor because of the whole champagne flute at the wedding.”

“Fuck…”

“I know.” She sighed, “And ummm, New Year’s came and went and he would come home completely smashed at least 3 nights a week during January. I was just in this turmoil all the time because I would never know where he was, I was having to pick up his cards from the pubs or his car constantly. I told him that his drinking was excessive and that he needed help and that his actions were hurting me and worrying me. That’s when the verbal abuse started.” She said timidly.

“Y/N.” Harry frowned and squeezed her hand.

“I mean, it could’ve been worse. Others have it worse, but just when I would challenge him on what he was doing he just got really mean.” A tear slipped down her cheek and Harry was quick to wipe it away, “And then in March of last year he was completely trashed at work, he hadn’t even come home the night before so I had no idea he even showed up like that. But he did, he got sacked on the spot for fighting another employee and then after that we had an intervention. We got him into rehab for two months and he came out acting wonderful and great, but instead of going to his AA meetings he would go to the pub. He’d only have a couple drinks and let me know he was “in control” and that I better not tell his family again or that I’d regret it.” She sniffled.

“Has he done anything to hurt you or-”

“No, s’nothing like that. But I say I’m trapped because eventually his savings weren’t being used to contribute to our expenses, they were just going towards his alcohol. He couldn’t find a job easily because of what had happened at his previous job. I tried to break up with him several times and even got him out of the flat a few times, but he’d come back with his empty promises. Tell me we were moving into serious grounds because no one else loved him or helped him when he was struggling like this before. He said that I was the only one who could make him keep trying to get better and I just… felt responsible for him. And I know that it’s not my responsibility, but he would tell me that his goal was to be sober by the end of the year because he was going to ask my dad for my hand in marriage and I… believed him.” She sniffed, “Now I see that I’m a fool… for just letting him back in, but I still loved him at the time.” Harry nodded.

“What happened after that?”

“When December came around I went home for the holidays, I needed some space. But then I kept getting emails of suspicious charges for different pubs in London for insane amounts… we’re talking like 2k a night.” Harry’s eyes widen.

“He took your card?”

“Yes! He had stolen my credit card! I called his parents and sent them the statements, they told me they would take care of it, but I was heading back to London to confront him. I had not renewed the lease for our flat yet because I was the only one contributing and it was taking a toll having so have such a big expense on my own, you know?” Harry nodded. “As I headed home I then got another email from our complex congratulating me on extending the lease. I called them right away and explained that he was not well and that if I could annul his decision to re-sign it would be great. They needed proof of income from us to annul the new lease so as soon as I got in I went and did that and got the lease annulled.”

“Good girl.” Harry smiled and she smiled as well at her small victory.

“Thanks, but I mean, the first way I can disentangle myself from him is to just live separately.” 

“You’re absolutely right.” He reassured before letting her continue.

“Yeah. So I let him know that we would need to be out of the flat by the end of the month and he was calling me names and cursing up a storm because he couldn’t afford to live on his own. I told him that maybe he should go back to rehab or go live with his parents. He went on this tangent about how that was humiliating and that he couldn’t believe I would put him through that. And now I do have my own flat and all, but I mean, he keeps coming around, I try to break up with him, he threatens to hurt himself or to do all these crazy things and I just don’t know what more I can do. He cleaned up for a bit, right before March, and he was able to get a job, which miraculously he’s kept. He moved back with his parents and saved up his money for this flight and for his expenses on our trip. But ummm, he fell off the wagon again last week. I told him that he would ruin the trip and that he couldn’t come. He didn’t believe I was serious and on my way to the airport he was drunk as shit and had asked me to come to some pub on the way to Heathrow to pick him up, I never did and that’s why Rich isn’t here.”  

“Well, sucks for Rich. But I’m happy you still made it and I’m proud of you for handling this situation the way you have. You’re a beautiful person and I don’t need to tell you that you can do better, I mean you know it, and I’m sure I’ve told you this since that prick kissed your best friend in year 9.” She giggled at the memory and he smiled, “But if you ever need help or feel unsafe or just need someone to talk to while you figure this out don’t hesitate to call me. You know, I love you.” He reminded and her eyes softened as he said so, “I just want to make sure you’re OK.”

“Thanks, H. I love you too.” She whispered.

The flight was rather long and if they weren’t sleeping, they were watching a movie or talking about other things. She finally decided to ask him what she had been wondering the entire time she refamiliarized herself with how sweet and considerate he was.

“H.”

“Yeah?”

“You really don’t have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?” She asked and he shook his head, “How?!” She asked and he chuckled.

“I’m a busy guy. Don’t have much time to romance someone and all.” He excused and she rolled her eyes.

“Oh please, if you really tried it wouldn’t take more than a few days to get someone to fall in love with you.” She stated and he chuckled timidly and shook his head.

“You over estimate me, Y/N.”

“No, you underestimate yourself. I’ve known you my whole life, Harry and you are one of the best, if not, the best, person I know. Total boyfriend material.” She assured and he bit his lip before glancing to her.

“Do you really mean that?” He asked her and she nodded.

“Yeah, I do.” She hummed before cozying up to him again and he smiled at himself as he held her close. “And Harry, when we get there, just don’t say anything to Skye about what’s going on with Rich.”

“I won’t.” He promised.

************

When they finally landed in Mexico they took a taxi to the home Skye and Lena had rented for their holiday. There were already a few friends of theirs who had arrived, Harry and Y/N seemed to be the last ones to arrive. When they knocked on the door in seconds Skye was shrieking in excitement at the sight of Harry. They spoke frequently, but they hadn’t seen each other in ages! Y/N giggled happily and took Harry’s bag from his shoulder as Harry picked her up and spun her around. Skye was laughing and refused to let go for several moments until finally she pulled away with a big grin and Harry put her down.

“I’ve missed you, you look great.” Harry said happily, stepping back a bit to take her in.

“You look great! So fucking buff I could hardly breathe when you hugged me.” Skye laughed and he chuckled as she fake-punched him in the chest, “And you!” She said turning to Y/N, “Come here.” Skye sang to Y/N with open arms and she just ran into her sister’s arms and hugged her tight.

“I’ve missed you.” Y/N whispered to Skye.

“Me too, sis.” Skye hummed, “I thought you were bringing along your boyfriend.” She said as they pulled away and Y/N’s words got caught in her mouth, “Wait.” Skye’s face morphed into one of surprise, “Are you two…is this your boyfriend?” Skye said looking to Harry whose own eyes went wide in shock.

“Oh no, we were just neighbors on the seat’s plane. I mean, plane seats.” He explained all flustered, “S’why we arrived together.” 

“And besides, didn’t I tell you that Rich was blond and bearded?” Y/N said and Skye rolled her eyes.

“Please, you go through boyfriends like I go through napkins. I can never keep up with who’s who.” Skye joked and Y/N forced a smile. Harry noticed and immediately jumped in.

“At least she has relationships, I’m still single after five years.”

“God, Harry…” Skye laughed and he just shrugged.

“Maybe Y/N can rub a little bit of that magnetism off on me.” He said offering her a smile and she smiled back, thanking him silently with a look of her eyes.

“Lets fucking hope so.” Skye joked. 

When they got in they went straight up to their rooms to settle in and freshen up a bit. Skye texted Y/N that everyone was heading down to the beach, to just join them when they were done. Y/N put on her swimming suit and some sunscreen before grabbing a couple of things to throw in her tote. She then decided to check if Harry was ready. She opened up her bedroom door and as soon as she stepped into the hallway she heard the faint sounds of a guitar strumming a pretty and somewhat melancholy melody. She followed the sounds right up to an open door and she peeked in to see a shirtless Harry sitting on the large bed in his room in some green swimming shorts and a guitar in his arms. He was humming a tune to it and she had heard him sing before, but it had been a while. She walked in further and he glanced up and slowly came to a stop.

“There was a guitar in here.” He said and she smiled.

“That was a really pretty song, keep going.” She encouraged.

“Oh, I was just messing around. S’not a song yet.” He said and she came in further.

“Wait, you made that?” She asked and he nodded timidly, “It’s beautiful. You need to finish it.” She encouraged with a smile.

“Oh, I intend to.”

“What’s it gonna be about?”

“I don’t know… what do you think it should be about?” He asked and she bit her lip pensively.

“Play it again.” She said and he started strumming the tune again.

“Mmmm, it’s beautiful, but it also sounds kind of sad.”

“So it should be about something beautiful but sad?” She nodded, “Alright, I’ll think of something.” He smiled and she returned the gesture.

“C’mon, let’s head down to the beach.” She said and he put down the guitar and slipped into a button down that he left open and slipped on his sun glasses. She watched as he slid his feet into his vans, not bothering to put them on properly, so the heels were all smushed. “No, Harry…” she groaned, shaking her head in disbelief. Her eyebrows were creased in concern and he chuckled.

“What?”

“You’ll ruin your shoes.”

“It’s just for a sec to get down to the beach.” He reasoned and she sighed.

“It’s just… not cute.” She giggled and he smirked.

“You know what’s really un-cute, your judgement.” He said and she laughed loudly and rolled her eyes.

“Oh, let’s go.” She huffed grabbing his hand and he just let her pull him along. 

*********

Harry was having a difficult time trying to not make too much of Y/N’s actions. She had always been flirty and touchy, he enjoyed those things, but over the last few days it seemed that they were always being lumped together since most everyone else was in a couple. They were currently getting ready to do an ATV ride down the coast when Lena came up to them.

“Hey, so the guide is telling me that they’re an ATV short. There’s something wrong with the brakes or something and they don’t want to risk an accident. Do you guys mind going together? I know we had originally planned for four couples and a solo one for Harry, but I mean… this kind of works out, no?” 

“I don’t mind. But I want to drive.” Y/N spoke up and Harry turned to her.

“No way. I’m driving.” He exclaimed.

“Ugh, you work it out amongst yourselves.” Lena said and walked off shouting out to the guide in Spanish, “Ellos se iran juntos! Estamos bien con solo las cuatro cuatrimotos.” 

“We’ll flip for it then? Fairs’ fair.” Y/N grinned and Harry sighed.

“Fine.”

“Alright, call it.” She said handing him a coin from her fanny pack and he sighed.

“Heads.”

“Tails then.” She mumbled and he chuckled as he glanced at her.

“It’s a fifty-fifty chance.”

“Whatever, just do it.” She sniggered and he did and much to their surprise it was tails and Y/N grinned victoriously. “You better hold on tight, Styles. I can be a little reckless.” She grinned and he rolled his eyes.

***********

“Oh my god, we’re going so slow…” Y/N whined and Harry chuckled. He didn’t even have to hold on to her from how slow they were going, “I wanted to go fast.” She muttered. They’d been going no more than 20 miles an hour for the last 30 minutes of this 90 minute tour.

“It’s a tour of the coast, Y/N. There’s coasting and bound to be more stops. Look, he’s signaling again.” Harry pointed to their guide up ahead.

“Bleeding hell…” she whispered as they came to another stop, “I think the coast all kinda looks the same, no?” She asked.

“Yeah, actually. I’d have to agree with you there.” 

“I can’t anymore, H. You drive.” She said sliding off the quad and taking the helmet off for a moment.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” She mumbled. They could hardly hear what the tour guide was saying since they were at the back of the group anyway. She dug into her fanny pack and pulled out her AirPods, “Want to listen? We just need to follow them.” She said offering him one.

“Yeah, alright.” He said grabbing the earphone and popping it in and she did the same before settling into the back seat and searching through her library and she smiled when she saw “Lyla” by Oasis and clicked on it. As soon as the first strum played he slightly glanced back with a big grin.

“Alright.” He hummed and she giggled before just laying her cheek on his warm back.

“How fun would it be to go fast while listening to this song.” She thought aloud with a smile. He could feel her lips moving through the thin t-shirt he was wearing and he just wanted to feel her plant a little kiss on the back of his shoulder. 

“We’re gonna start moving in a sec here.” He said.

“Okay.” She hummed as she got comfortable in the seat and when he accelerated he went a little too hard and she shriek and hugged tight around his torso, “Oh my god, be gentle!” She laughed as she caught her breath. She could feel his body shaking with laughter.

“Sorry, love.” Soon enough the song was ending and she asked him to choose the next one.

“Pick a song.” She said and he took a second to think.

“Hmmm…Too Many People by Paul McCartney, it’s speed appropriate.” He said and she chuckled as she typed it in and the song started playing through the earphones. She then looked through her music to queue up the next song and then put her phone away. After a few minutes they were being led to this patch of sand dunes and the guide started picking up speed.

“Oh, not even fair!” Y/N called out and Harry laughed as they sped up and then suddenly “Yellow” started playing and he smiled.

“I love this song!” He shouted and she hugged around him tighter.

“Me too!” She shouted back as they sped over a dune and laughed as they landed roughly on the terrain. “You better sing with me!” And they began in unison.

“Look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything you do and they were all yellow. I came along, I wrote a song for you and all the things you do and it was called yellow. So then I took my turn. Oh what thing to’ve done and it was all yellow.” They sang, “Your skiiiin! Oh yeah, your skin and bones turnin’ into something beautiful. Do you knoooow you know I love you sooo. You know I love you so.” They sang loudly as they drove behind everyone else. “Take it away Harry!” Y/N shouted right before the second verse and he laughed before he started it up. They were slowing down to a stop again and coming to what looked like a cliff sort of thing “…Oh what a thing to do and it was all yellow.” Y/N joined in with Harry as they climbed down from the quads. 

“Here it comes.” He warned as the chorus built up again. 

“Ahhhh!” Y/N sang the background portions and Harry sang the chorus through his laughter.

“Your skiiiin, oh yeah your skin and bones-” 

“Ooooh!” Y/N chuckled as she cued Harry to the next line with a nod of her head.

“-tuuurnin’ into something beautiful.” He grabbed her hands as they spun around, dancing quite terribly.

“Ahhhhh!” She sang again through a bright smile.

“Do you know-” he threw his head back and closed his eyes as he nailed that high note, “-for you I’d bleed myself dry.” he looked to her again with a smile, “For you I’d bleed myself dry.” He finished and the guitars came in again and they bopped their heads to the music, not really noticing everyone else staring at them like they were crazy or drunk as they danced and spun around.

“It’ truuuue! Look how they shine for yooou, look how they shine for yoooou! Look how they shine for.” they sang loudly and passionately, “Look how they shine for yoooou! Look how they shine for yoooou! Look how they shine. Look at the stars, look how they shine for you,” they sang sweetly, “and all the things that yooou doooo.” They finished with big smiles, their eyes fixed on each other and how precious the moment was.

“Hey, weirdos!” They heard Skye shout from further away and turned towards her and the rest of the group as their beautiful and blissful moment faded away slowly, “Care to join us?” She questioned.

“C’mon.” Harry mumbled as he took off his helmet and Y/N did the same before they headed over. 

When they got to the edge of the cliff, where everyone else was standing, Y/N felt her breath get caught in her throat at the gorgeous view before them. There was the vast ocean and the sun was starting to just barely kiss the horizon, meaning that they had to be heading back soon. She didn’t know why, but she just became overwhelmed with awe in the moment; what had just happened with Harry, what she was seeing now, she was fully happy. She hadn’t felt happy in a long time and happy felt good. She sniffled as she took everything in for a moment and she just let the tears fall.

“Hey,” she heard Harry speaking softly before he tucked a strand of hair that fluttered into her face right behind her ear, “What’s the matter?” He asked in a soft voice over everyone else’s chatter and he grabbed his bandana from his pocket, it was one that they were given to use as masks to not breathe in the dirt and sand, and he folded it up before wiping at her tears gently and she breathed in a sharp inhale and shook her head as she tried to collect herself.

“They’re happy tears.” She informed before breathing out slowly and he smiled, “This has all been really wonderful. I mean when I got on the plane I just thought the trip would be super shitty considering everything going on with Rich and all, but spending the time with you I mean, I realized that I haven’t felt happy in a really long time and it just overwhelmed me for a second.” She explained and he nodded in understanding, a serious look on his face as he listened to her, “You’ve made this a great trip, thanks H. I missed you so much.” She smiled and he smiled back without saying anything more, he just stood beside her as she turned back to the view. After a few minutes they were told they needed to head out and they walked back silently to their quad.

“Wanna drive?” He asked and she shook her head.

“You can keep driving.” She smiled. 

She just wanted a valid excuse to hold on tight to him. In reality, she had always had a crush on Harry. It seemed that it was just supposed to be like that; her big sister’s attractive friend… I mean, it was like a typical teen rom-com. He’s technically off-limits because of some stupid “rule” that says siblings are off limits and she’d just pined after him forever until it was way too late. That’s just how these things worked, there was never really a chance for anything to happen between them but hey, a girl could dream.

“Gimme your phone, I wanna queue up a song.” He said and she handed it over as they waited for everyone else to get going.

“Just queue up all the the ones you want.” She said and he went ahead and set them up. 

Truly, Harry was her first love and everyone knows that that’s the one that you’ll never forget. She’d been in love with him since she was 15. And there was this one time she was about to tell him, it was the summer before Harry and Skye left to university, she was 17 and they were 18. She did have a boyfriend at the time, another prick that tainted her past, but she was ready to just let him know how she felt and as the memory resurfaced she felt her heart start to ache at the lost opportunity.

They had all been at a party over the summer and the asshole she was with had made her cry and she was sitting alone outside on the trampoline, trying to get over the negative emotions. She had just glanced up to the house and saw through a bedroom window that Harry and this girl, Abigail, were making out. She wanted to look away, but for some reason she couldn’t and it was stirring a disgusted feeling in her stomach. Her skin felt like it was prickling, her heart was just pounding, and her body pulsed with waves of hurt and envy as his hands grabbed her face as he pecked her lips through a smile. He said something and then went over to the window, presumably to close the blinds and when he turned his attention to the window their eyes met and his smile faded as he took her in. She forced a smile through her tears and then the girl came up and without even a second thought she shut the blinds and Y/N swallowed down the lump in her throat before looking away and just letting herself fall back and stare at the starry sky above her. It was only about a minute later when she heard her name being called out in the dark. 

“Y/N? You still out here?” She heard again, it was still kind of far and she realized that laying down she wasn’t visible so she kicked up one of her legs.

“I’m on the trampoline!” She called back into the darkness and after a few moments she heard the metal springs creaking and as she looked over, she expected to see Andy, her boyfriend, but instead she was met with a head of curls and a small smile as Harry looked down at her once he’d made it onto the trampoline’s surface.

“Hi, ya’.” He said softly after he laid down and rolled onto his side to face her and she smiled.

“Hi.”

“I saw you were crying, just wanted to check on you.” He informed.

“M’fine, just Andy’s being a prick. What’s new?”She mumbled. 

“Should I have a chat with him?”

“Nah, m’fine. You should’ve just stayed with Abi.” She said glancing over to him and he tutted.

“You’re more important than whatever was gonna happen with Abi.” He said softly and she smiled timidly.

“God, I wish I could date someone that cared like you and that made me feel how you do.” She said softly and he glanced over to her, there was a look in his eyes, concern? Worry? Fuck, she had messed it up.

“Y/N!” She heard Andy calling out this time and she focused on that instead of the embarrassment she felt after saying that to Harry, “I just wanted to apologize for being a dick!” He shouted and she immediately pushed herself up and crawled around Harry’s body before hopping down from the trampoline. Andy then hurried over and gave his apology and in seconds he was grabbing her hand as he guided her back towards the house. Before she made it through the back door she spared one glance back to the trampoline just as Harry sat up, he was frowning and before she could even consider going back out there and explaining herself Andy had pulled her inside.

Y/N was pulled out of her memory when the intro to “What a Wonderful World” started playing. This moment was indeed wonderful and it was stirring up all of the feelings she had for Harry that she had decided to put away after that day. Why would he ever want someone like her? She thought it then and she thought it now. He did love her, he said so himself, but as a little sister. His best friend’s little sister, he had always looked out for her and been protective and attentive. He was like that with Gemma too; he would never love her how she had grown to love him, so she just gave up; it was all just a fantasy. That’s why she held him tight while she could and nuzzled into his shoulder and breathed in the scent of him and his cologne while she had the chance to be this close with him.

*********

Harry was just in this awful turmoil. It was 2am and he just couldn’t sleep anymore as he thought about how perfect the day had been. How he’d made Y/N feel so happy that she cried. He loved her far too much now, it had been so many years since he loved her unrequitedly and he couldn’t handle it anymore. It’s not like he was waiting for her though, he had dated many people and had even had a few relationships, but she was the first person he ever loved and while he thought that the feelings had settled down, seeing her again brought the intensity back. But being around her made his heart feel too heavy. It was more pain than pleasure and yeah, he tended to gravitate towards suffering all on his own account, but this was flat out masochism. If he didn’t just say something to her about how he felt he was sure he would die, or at least it felt that way. His throat burned terribly as he tried to hold back the tears that were blurring his vision, but they fell anyway. He was sitting on the edge of the hot tub that was out back, dipping his feet in the warm water. He was letting himself feel the things he needed to and to think about what he could do about it.

“Harry?” He heard a soft voice and he sniffled and blinked away some tears before he glanced back.

“Yeah?” He asked and saw Skye walking out to the patio looking half asleep.

“What’re you doing out here? It’s 2 in the bloody morning.” She scolded.

“Couldn’t sleep.” He said and she nodded in understanding, face still creased in a scowl, probably because of the lights in the hot tub. He didn’t expect for her to climb up the steps and sit beside him as she also let her feet  dip into the warm water.

“Are you alright, H?” She asked after a few beats of silence and he glanced over to her, his expression one of confusion.

“Yeah, of course I am.” He assured and she wasn’t buying it, “Why are you looking at me like tha’? Why wouldn’t I be OK?” He asked and Skye sighed.

“Because you’re in love with my sister. Or you’ve been for a while now… and she’s clearly not in love with you.” Skye said up front and Harry looked to her quickly.

“What? No.” He denied it right away.

“You don’t need to lie to me. I ummm… I found your journal in my room one time, years back, you must’ve dropped it and I ummmm… I read it.” She confessed and he frowned, “It was after that one time that we had kissed at like a dance or something?” Skye explained, “Obviously, I’m gay.” She said, “But after we kissed I kind of was doubting it because well, I love you, you’re my best friend and I just, felt things that I hadn’t felt when I kissed another boy so for a little while there I thought that I liked you. And I don’t know, I found the journal and I just wanted to see if maybe you had said something about me in it. And about that night.” She explained, “Then I found all the stuff in there about my sister and how you felt about her…” she paused.

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings or-”

“No, no. It’s fine and well, my feelings for you were very short lived, but at the time I mean, I was distraught.” She explained, “I remember that during that time we were what, maybe 16 or 17 and we were going to go see Mumford & Sons in Manchester at the Apollo, we were all obsessed with that album, remember?” She asked and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, my ticket was a duplicate. That was so stressful…” he chuckled and Skye hummed.

“Right. And you were so bummed because they weren’t going to let you in and then sweet little Y/N happened.”

“She talked your mom into buying a new ticket for her and your mum so that we could go in together and they would just go stand somewhere else together. I remember now…” he chuckled, “What does that have to do with anything?” He asked.

“There were no other tickets that time. Y/N saw how distraught you were and with all the love in her fucking heart she gave you her ticket. And she just made up this elaborate plan to not get you to worry or feel bad about her not being able to go see them. But I just remember seeing the look in her eyes when she saw how happy that made you; and I realized it was the same way you would always look at her. She loved you too and she didn’t care that she had to sit in the car with mum for two fucking hours. She just wanted to make you happy and that was the only time I ever saw her look at you that way and I knew how you felt about her but I didn’t say anything because I was jealous.” Skye confessed.

“Wait, what?” Harry asked in confusion.

“I feel responsible in a way, for the way you’ve been pining after Y/N for so many years and at the time I didn’t say anything about how she obviously felt about you because I thought that she’d take you away from me.” Skye explained with a frown, “I’m sorry, H. And I’m sorry for her too because maybe if I hadn’t been so selfish then maybe you two would be together happily and she wouldn’t be where she is now.” Skye said softly with a frown.

“Do you already know?”

“About her piece of shit, verbally abusive, alcoholic boyfriend? Of course I do. Mum tells me everything. I know they’ve been doing OK, but I was still hoping she wouldn’t bring him along.” Skye admitted.

“The only reason he didn’t end up coming was because he relapsed last week. She was telling me on the plane. He had tickets and everything and she just didn’t drop by the pub he was at to pick him up.” Harry said with a smile.

“Good girl.” Skye said softly and Harry nodded, “Again, I’m sorry. If I had known that this would be how things are-”

“Hey, but you didn’t and it’s fine. I just can’t keep this inside any longer. It hurts too much and ummm, I know she doesn’t love me like that.” He said softly, “I just need to be able to move on, but it’s hard to when I know that I make her happy. She said so herself and I see her giving her heart to all these fucking pricks and assholes that only take her for granted and never tell her what their intentions are and they just strings her along with no direction or heading. She just hopes and hopes that one day the day dream becomes her reality and these guys, they don’t want to give her that.” He vented and Skye sighed.

“I’m sorry, H. I really am.” She whispered and grabbed his hand and he just sat there in silence as another set of tears streaked down his cheeks.

*********

Y/N had said that the song should be about something beautiful but sad, to him, that meant that it had to be about her. About her and her boyfriends. About the pattern, about the hope that she always had and then how it amounted to nothing. It only took him about 15 minutes to finish it off. Everyone else was down at the beach and since he had stayed up half the night no one bugged him to head down to join them. 

**********

Y/N had just been sitting on the chaise and no one had been talking to her. She was having a weird day because Rich had called late the night before and he was drunk again. Y/N couldn’t handle it anymore, she ended up breaking up with him and blocking his number. Her heart was somewhere else anyway. She had been feeling lonely without Harry here, so she listened to music, sunbathed a bit, and now she was just watching everyone else chat it up as they took a break from the jet skis they had rented. She hadn’t even gone on the jet skis because she wanted to go with Harry. She wished Harry were there and almost as if Skye had been reading her mind she said.

“I wonder if Harry’s up. Someone should check on him.”

“I’ll do it. I’m not doing anything here anyway.” Y/N sang as she swung her legs off of the chaise and into the warm sand.

“Don’t gripe about it, you’re the one who said you didn’t want to go on the jet skis which is why we only got two.” Skye reminded.

“Yeah, yeah. See you guys for dinner.” Y/N muttered as she grabbed her tote and sun hat before she made the short walk back to the house. She rinsed her feet at the outdoor shower before heading inside as quietly as possible in case Harry was still sleeping. But as she made her way down the corridor where their neighboring rooms were she heard the melody Harry had been playing on the guitar a few days prior and she saw his door was slightly ajar and she quietly peeked in to see him shirtless again, but this time in briefs instead of his swimming shorts and he was sitting on the ground instead of the bed. He continued the melody and she pushed the door open, causing him to stop and look up.

“Hey.” She smiled.

“Hey, how was it?” He asked.

“Boring without you there, honestly.” She said and he just smiled before looking back down before him, he had a journal there, “Did you finish it?” She asked him and he nodded.

“Yeah, I did.” He confirmed and she set her things down by his door and came in further and sat before him.

“Okay. We had agreed on it being about something sad but beautiful. What did you end up writing about?” She asked.

“About just that. Someone sad but beautiful.” He said and she bit her lip. She felt the jealousy prick at her heart again.

“Yeah? Who is it then?” She asked with as much playfulness as she could muster to ward off the hurt she felt.

“It’s you.” He said and she frowned.

“Me?” Harry nodded at her questioning response.

“Don’t know if you’ll like it though.” He said honestly and she looked nervous now.

“Play it for me and I’ll let you know.” She challenged and he sighed.

“I couldn’t. I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“Is it mean?” She asked with some confusion.

“No, but it’s not… a love song either.” He confessed and she looked nervous.

“Just play the song, Harry.” She said more sternly and he exhaled loudly before shrugging and starting to play the intro.

Boyfriends, they think you're so easy

They take you for granted

They don't know they're just misunderstanding you

You, you're back at it again.

Weakened, when you get deep in

He starts secretly drinking

It gets hard to know what he's thinking

You love a fool who knows just how to get under your skin

You, you, you still open the door

You're no closer to him

Now you're halfway home

Only calling you when, don’t wanna be alone

Oh and you go

Why? You don't know

Boyfriends

Are they just pretending?

They don't tell you where it's heading

And you know the gamе's never ending

You, you lay with him as you stay in a daydream

You feel a fool, you're back at it again

The tears were streaming down Y/N’s warm face as he hummed and played out the tune. She felt hurt by what he’d written, but it only hurt because it was the absolute truth. It had been years of this that he had seen and helped her through and he got it. He knew that she was just looking for a real and honest love and after so many failed attempts she did feel foolish for even trying anymore, but she couldn’t give up. She wouldn’t. She was just hoping to find someone like him, but the issue was that there wasn’t anyone quite like him. If only he just gave her a second glance…

“I’m sorry.” He said as he put down the guitar and she let out a shaky breath.

“Don’t be. It’s really good.” She assured, “Just hit a little close to home, s’all. But it’s really, really pretty. I promise.” She said as she pushed herself up to stand, she was crying more now. He frowned as she headed toward the door and he stood too, hurrying over to her before she crouched down to grab her things.

“Hey, hey, hey.” He said softly, grabbing her arm to turn her towards him, “I’m sorry it hurt your feelings but I’m not sorry for what I wrote.” He said.

“You shouldn’t be, it’s the truth. That’s me summed up, that’s all I am, a fucking fool and I know! You know, Skye knows it, my parents, even fucking Rich knows it, that’s why he’s been leeching off of me for as long as he has! It just hurts to hear it because it just confirms to me that people see me the way I’ve always thought they do! Desperate for love and it’s so fucking pathetic.” She cried and Harry grabbed her face gently.

“Hey, look at me. Hoping and longing to be loved the way you deserve is not pathetic. It’s brave.” He said with certainty, “It’s beautiful and sad because there’s bound to be hurt along the way.” He explained and she looked into his eyes and he sighed, “And I know so much about it because for years I’ve been watching people hurt you and treat you less than you deserve and it’s so fucking hard for me to see you in pain. It’s hard for me to see you choose every single asshole on planet earth and then only look for me when you need someone to make it better and I can’t say no.” he frowned, “I can’t turn you away because it’s the only chance I ever get to hold you and show you how you should be treated. Those moments you’re in my arms are enough to keep fueling the love I’ve always felt for you.” He was crying now too and Y/N was speechless, her mind was drawn a blank. Was he saying that he loves-loves her?

“Harry, wait-”

“I know you don’t love me like that.” He interrupted, “But you care about me and if you just gave me a chance to show you-”

“Harry.” She cut him off and he looked at her, “I have loved you since I was 15.” She said softly and his face morphed form one of pain and desperation to one of relief.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He whispered and she giggled through her tears and shook her head.

“No! You were my first love and I always thought you being there was like in a “big brother” kind of caring way. Like you never hinted at it or even-”

“Of course not! Not while you were sad and vulnerable and broken up over some other bloke!Why would I ever try and pursue you in that moment?” He asked and she rolled her eyes.

“Because you’re a decent man… Jesus, are we stupid?” She chuckled through her tears in disbelief and Harry nodded.

“Apparently. I’ve been in love with you since I was 16.” He said to her and she smiled, “I’ve never forgotten, I’ve never stopped.” He spoke softly and she bit her lip as her eyes traveled down from his to his lips.

“Please kiss me.” She whispered and he felt his entire body freeze up for a moment, “I’ve thought about it a million times and I just need to feel your lips on m-” he didn’t even wait for her to finish. He leaned in and melded his lips against her own gently at first. They both felt like they were covered in static, everything felt electric and heightened as their lips moved in sync. The kisses started growing heavier and his hands were weaving into her hair as they kept going. Her hands slithered up his arms and pulled his hands away from her hair. He pulled back, his eyes opening to meet hers; their pupils were blown wide and he watched as she placed his hands on her waist. Her skin still felt hot from the time she had spent in the sun and he just let his fingers glide along her skin gently, watching it react by raising goosebumps in their path.

“Look at that.” He hummed and she smiled timidly at the little bumps littering her skin. But then her eyes focused on something else. The very evident bulge straining against the material of his briefs. He watched as her eyes darkened as she gawked at the size of his cock and she bit down on her bottom lip before her eyes fluttered up to his again. All she could think about was how many times she’d thought about making him come. His mind was in a similar ballpark - how many times had he come undone all on his own or even with someone’s help just thinking about her hand or her mouth or other parts of her wrapped all snug around his throbbing cock.

In seconds their kiss was more heated and his tongue was rolling into her mouth, she sucked gently before he pulled back and bit down on her lip. She nudged her head towards the bed and he smiled before they hurried onto it. She rolled herself onto him and smiled at him and kissed his lips briefly.

“You.” She kissed him again, “Have no idea.” She said and kissed him again, “How many times I’ve thought about doing this.” She said and kissed him once more, letting it deepen. His hands slid up her thighs and squeezed and she smiled against his lips before grinding down onto his clothed erection and he groaned against her lips, his eyes rolled back as his hands slid up to her ass and guided her movements, “You feel so good.” She whimpered and he kissed her again, “You know, I’ve cried after a wank because I thought that my imagination was as close as I’d get to you for real.” She confessed through a giggle. 

“Are you serious?” He asked with a grin and she nodded, “Me too.” He admitted and she smiled dopily before pouting. 

“Oh baby.” She frowned and he reached for her face and caressed her jaw with his thumb gently.

“S’alright. We’re here now, aren’t we?” She nodded.

“Do you know how good it feels to tell you how much I love you and know that you feel the same?”

“I’ve got a pretty good idea.” He grinned and she let her nails run down his strong and bare chest and his eyes closed as her fingers swirled around his bellybutton, following that light trail of hair down to the elastic securing his briefs to his body. Before she could even go further he had flipped them and the weight of his body over hers was so comforting. He dove right in and kissed her hungrily, her thighs squeezed around his hips, willing him closer. His lips started trailing down her neck and sucking and nibbling at her skin. She breathed out a sigh of relief as he sat up to pull down the straps of her bathing suit.

“Just take it off.” She said and he just pulled all of it off of her. His hands immediately went to grope at her and she hummed as he dipped his head down and licked a stripe up one of her nipples. He hummed before he sucked it between his lips, adding more pressure, “Oh my god.” She whimpered and he moved to the other and her eyes fluttered closed, her chest arching up to have him closer. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that?” He mumbled, “fucking perfect.” He complimented. 

“I love you.” She moaned breathily as he kissed back up her neck and finally went back to her mouth.

“I love you too. So fucking much.” He smiled, “It feels so good to say it.” He said and she grinned.

“Would it be too soon if we…” she trailed off, suddenly feeling really shy about asking.

“That’s up to you.” He said before kissing her cheek. 

“I’ve waited for you for so long and I don’t want to wait anymore.” She said and he kissed her again, more intently and slowly. In moments they were undressed and appreciating each other’s bodies, the weight of him between her legs was making her whimper and she was just slicking him up a ridiculous amount. She was a sopping mess between her legs for him and he was trying not to explode; he’d only been wanting this forever. She moaned as the tip of his cock kissed her clit deliciously as he rubbed himself against her. Her eyes were saying everything, she was desperate. 

“Ready for me, baby?” He asked with a shaky voice and she nodded. He glanced down between them before inching forward and she moaned softly as he pressed the tip in, her brows creased in as she felt the stretch of him opening her up for him and he sighed, burying his face in her neck, his breath faltered at the warm, slick, and snug fit around his length. “Fuck.” He groaned as he felt her walls adjusting to him as he kept going until he had bottomed out and they both sighed in relief and kissed as she became accustomed to the depth he was reaching. She could feel it deep inside of her as his erection throbbed steadily.

After waiting for a moment he pulled his hips back, his eyes not daring to leave hers until he thrust back into her, as deep as he could go and she moaned his name and his eyes shut tight as the head of his cock collided into the most warm and soft part of her that made him shiver. Her thighs tightened around his hips, pulling him in deeper.

“Fuck, again.” She requested and he nodded before pulling back just as he had and rammed back into her again, fucking right into that spot that was making her tremble. He started speeding up his pace and she was withering quickly beneath him. Her walls were squeezing around him deliciously, it was making him feel all hazy. “You feel so good, baby.” She sang.

“Oh shit.” He panted as he delivered one particularly hard thrust; he was about to come just from that one. He stopped to gather himself for a moment and suddenly Y/N was pushing him down and she was getting on top of him, seating herself over his cock, tightening her walls as she lifted herself and then ground down into his lap again. He gripped her hips tightly as he watched her ride his cock, his own hips urgently meeting hers as she crashed down onto him, “Fuck baby, you’re gonna make me come. I’m so close.” He moaned as he let his head fall back into the pillows. She smiled as she held her weight up against his chest. She grabbed at the cross around his neck and tugged him up, he grinned as he held her tight and brought her along with him as he sat up. Y/N gasped as he felt even deeper than before, but then he kissed her hard as his hand slithered between them and he started rubbing at her clit in quick, rhythmic circles until she was pulsating around him and her breath was shaky, and her grip tightened into the curls at the nape of his neck.

“I’m so close. So close.” She panted and his face furrowed in an almost painful pleasured expression.

“Good, baby. Want you to come for me, around my cock. Please, give it to me.” He breathed out tiredly and her jaw went slack before he was holding her tight as he felt her withering around him. 

“Oh fuck, Harry!” She mewled and the glide grew slicker and warmer with her cum and his cock was slipping in far deeper now that she was fully open and relaxed for him. She rode out her high and continued grinding into his upwards thrusts with trembling thighs until he was pressing her down to hold her still as he fucked up into her. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He panted as he started unraveling. She lifted up enough to get him out and wrapped her fist around his slick cock, her eyes not leaving his as he glanced into her eyes and then down at her hand stroking his length. He moaned out and his eyes rolled back as she focused her attention on the swollen and leaky tip of his cock until he was chanting her name as he bucked up into her grip desperately.

“Baby, Y/N-” he gasped, “I’m coming.” He mumbled frantically and his eyes screwed shut as the first spurt of his cum painted her right above her belly button and he moaned as she continued stroking at the same pace as a few more spurts painted her skin and the final one dribbled down her fist. She slowed down to let him ride it out. When she finally let go he caught his breath for a bit and she went to grab a damp towel from the bathroom. On the way back to the bed she shut his bedroom door and then came back to the bed, she gently wiped at his skin as some of his cum had ended up there. He then grabbed the towel and wiped up the skin of her tummy and asked for her hand. She looked at him and grinned before letting her tongue roll out of her mouth and lick up his cum from her hand.

“Jesus…” he groaned and shook his head as she giggled, “Gonna kill me with that.” He warned and she rolled her eyes, “You’re so fucking pretty.” He hummed as he pushed her hair back behind her ear.

“Thanks.” She smiled timidly and he smiled back. He then stood and grabbed a t-shirt from his suitcase and handed it to her before slipping on his briefs again. He then settled in beside her and she turned to him, smiling bright before kissing his lips gently and he hummed at the feeling of their lips together. She then pulled away looking more serious and after a moment she spoke up, “I broke up with Richard last night.” She said and his smile faded. “It wasn’t because of you.” She said quickly, “Or at least not because I was planning on doing this with you. I didn’t know any of this was going to happen, but I’m more than happy to be here with you.” She said softly and he smiled at her.

“I am too. Now, do you want to be my girlfriend?” He asked before kissing her and she grinned into the kiss. “Please say yes.” He whispered.

“You’re not going to take me on a date first?” She teased and he shook his head.

“Only if you say yes.” He said playfully and she grinned.

“Then yes, a thousand times yes, baby.” She whispered before kissing his lips passionately and he smiled against her lips.

“Finally.” He hummed against her lips.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Safe & Sound ~ OT7 [Request]

WORD COUNT: 4.5K

GENRE: Angst with a fluffy ending, platonic friendship with the boys, fighting, 

PAIRING: Platonic ot7 x Fem!Reader

A/N: I hope you enjoy this my love! Sorry it’s a little late my laptop completely gave out on me so I had to steal my brothers >.< I hope that this fic is okay for you and that Y/n isn’t too easily forgiving! I am working on that for you guys like I said before

The room was so hot it felt as though you were going to melt into a puddle on the seat, a heatwave had made its way through Seoul and Sejin made a decision to have a conference with the boys in the hottest room in the HYBE building. It was one of the hottest days in the year and instead of being out in the sun you were trapped in a meeting room waiting for Jimin to come and meet you, the boys and Sejin to have a nice long discussion about the tour that was going to be coming up.

The way that Sejin paced up and down in front of you made you nervous, he called a meeting with you and the boys and of course, Jimin was running late but Sejin had no idea why leading him to believe that you did. Being close with each of the boys meant you must have known everything, even if you didn't.

"You sure you have no idea?" You shook your head as Sejin asked you for the fifteenth time if you knew where Jimin was, you did, but you weren't going to let onto the fact that you knew. Jimin was on a date with his secret girlfriend and you were covering for him, you and the boys were the only ones who knew who the boys were dating since it was in their contracts that they weren't supposed to but they were boys. They had needs just like everybody else had so you kept their secret. After all, you were their best friend, you'd been with them since they debuted and you were always going to stick by their sides no matter what.

"He probably slept through his alarm Sejin, you know what he's like," You suggested, trying to calm the manager down who simply sighed and nodded his head at you finally taking a seat at the desk while the other six boys thanked you with their eyes. They all knew where he was but you didn't know the exact details, you never wanted to know the details just who they were with and how long they were going to be.

"Sorry, I'm late! The alarm just didn't wake me up," You sighed in relief as a sweaty-looking Jimin sat down in a chair beside Yoongi, Sejin said nothing as he stood up and began making his way over to a whiteboard to begin discussing the arrangements for the new tour.

As their personal assistant, you were going to be going along with them everywhere, as you did every tour, it was fun. You got to explore the world with some of your best friends as well as get some front row seats to the best performances you'd seen, though you had seen them enough times you could probably perform them with the boys. You'd gotten to travel around the world with your best friends, seeing the sights, having fun and just relaxing despite it being your job.

"As usual we'll stay in the cities for two nights and then head out to the plane the next morning, bright and early. That means no one can be late," Sejin said with a stern voice as he stared at Jimin who was hiding behind a cup of iced tea and blushing, you bit down on your lip to stop yourself from laughing and waited for Sejin to finish his speech. Hoping it would be soon so you could get out of the room, it was like sitting in a vivarium, if this was how snakes felt all of the time you never wanted to be one.

"I didn't think he was going to stop talking," Jin moaned as he sat in front of the small mini-fridge that was in Yoongi's studio, the door open as he let the cold air hit his body. You and Namjoon on the other hand were laid on the flooring under the air-con machine being blasted with cold air, 

"I think I lost weight in there," You whined as you looked over at Jimin, his head in his phone clearly trying to apologise to his girlfriend who had ditched, 

"Is she okay with it? I'm sorry I couldn't get you out of it, I already got Jungkook out of a meeting last week," You spoke softly as Jimin glanced up at you, shaking his head. 

"It's not your place to make excused for us, don't be silly," You smiled weakly and laid your head back down on the floor as you watched the ceiling. All of the boys were dating and only you knew about it, no big deal. Namjoon had been together with his partner since the year after they debuted together, it was a surprise to you that no one else knew about them.

"How's your dating life going?" Hoseok asked as he fanned himself with a stack of papers from the coffee table, you scoffed at him whilst shaking your head. 

"I don't have time for dating, I'm too busy looking after you idiots," You mumbled sarcastically as you sat up slowly, thanking Yoongi who came into the room carrying cold drinks for everybody. 

"When was the last time you did something that wasn't for us?" Taehyung questioned, genuinely interested since to him all he seemed to him that you did was work, wor, work and sleep.

"Last week I went to that book shop-"

"Which you went to because Namjoon wanted the knew Leigh Bardugo book," Jungkook interrupted as he smirked at you.

"But I still went and got some things for myself." You grumbled, wanting to move on from this conversation as it made you uncomfortable. 

"Y/n can do what she wants, when she wants she just choices to look after us," Yoongi reminded them as he could see how uncomfortable you were getting about the subject, 

"Anyway, you need to listen to this new song, so come on." He quickly headed over to his computer and began typing as he searched for one of the songs he'd been working on, while you carefully snuck out of the door and headed to your office for the day. 

"I'll walk you to your car," Jimin said as you walked into the elevator together, you glanced up at him and smiled weakly. It had been a long day of organising things for the upcoming tour, making sure the hotels you were going to visit had everything the boys would need as well as running around the building to make sure the boys had what they needed that day. Your head was spinning so fast you thought you were going to need a week-long nap just to make up for it, 

"Can you drive me home instead? I feel like I might fall asleep," You whined, laying your head down on his shoulder as he chuckled hitting the garage floor buttons and nodding his head. It wasn't completely out of the ordinary for one of the boys to drive you home or for you to drive them home you were like a happy family and they always looked out for you. 

"Sure, I'll get Jin-Hyung to pick me up from yours," He chuckled as he waited for the lift to move, laying his head on top of yours as you shut your eyes for a second wanting to rest them. 

"Thank you for covering for me, I didn't mean to stay at Mina's last night, we just had a long night." You laughed softly while shaking your head,

"It's fine, you don't have to explain anything to me Jimin, just make sure you're on time or Sejin might get suspicious. I don't mind you boys dating as long as you can keep it under wraps, you know that." You poked his cheek as you stood up straight, getting out on your floor and giving your car keys to Jimin who began following you in the direction of your company car. 

"What are you doing for your eighth year with the company?" He questioned, trying to make small talk to keep you awake for a little while longer, he knew how bad your sleeping patterns would get if you went to sleep now. 

"I'm thinking of taking a week off, maybe go and have a holiday? You keep pestering me to do," You laughed softly as you got into the passenger side door of the car and watched Jimin as he started the engine, he always looked so confident when he drove compared to when he first passed his test and was always so nervous to even start up an engine. 

"What?" He stared at you thinking he'd done something wrong but you shook your head with a smile, 

"Nothing, you just look confident, it's a good thing." You whispered as you stared out of the window focusing on everything you were passing by as Jimin tried to make some basic conversation with you. 

The next morning there was a weird feeling in your stomach that something was going to happen or that something bad had already happened and you had yet to figure out what it was. The boys hadn't replied to your calls or texts and Sejin was telling you there was an urgent meeting you had to be in right away with no excuses. 

"Morning Ted, did your baby arrive yet?" You laughed softly looking up at the security guard as you signed in. Normally you would exchange small talk about his pregnant wife but today he seemed stand-offish and was ignoring you as he handed you your ID card and took your bag to scan it through. 

"Everything is clear." Frowning at the way he was acting you headed over to the elevators ignoring the glances you were getting from people around you, it could have just been your imagination but they were whispering under their breath and pointing at you.

"I heard that it dropped late last night and she's the only one capable of knowing everything." The doors shut before you could hear anything else that one of the cleaners was saying, the feeling you had that morning tripled in size and your legs felt like jelly, you could have sworn you were going to throw up at any second. Rumours in this place were the worst kind of rumours, they could make you lose your job or have you arrested, no one seemed to think before they spoke around there and any kind of news true or false spread like wildfire. 

"Morning Sejin, everyone is acting rather odd-" You stopped talking when you walked into one of the smaller conference rooms to see the boys sitting around the table with Sejin, all staring at you in silence as Sejin clicked on his laptop. Behind him on the projector screen appeared different articles about the boys all with yesterday's and today's date on them, each of them detailing the dating lives of the members with photographs.

"What the fuck," Your bag dropped from your shoulder and onto the floor as your eyes scanned over the screen, more and more articles popping up the more Sejin clicked on his keyboard.

"What happened? I thought you told me you would be careful!" You yelled staring at the boys who were all staring back at you, Yoongi scoffing as he shook his head at you. 

"There Y/n goes, shifting the blame onto somebody else," Your heart began to pound against your chest as you realised they thought that it had been you to leak the stories to the press. 

"What?" You stuttered out looking from Sejin to the boys, all of them had the same look of disgust on their faces as they looked at you. Well all of them except for Jungkook who seemed to have his head in his hands.

"We trusted you!" Namjoon hissed as he got up from the chair, slamming the palm of his hands against the wood as he locked eyes with you. It felt as though you were being told off by a parent only worse, this time you knew you'd done nothing wrong and yet they were going to blame you without any form of proof. 

"Why would I go to the media? I've been working here for eight years, why would I go and throw away eight years of work and friendship?" You pleased with them, trying to make them see the sense in what they were saying, you would never do anything like this to them. Not to mention you'd signed thousands of contracts stating that you couldn't speak to anybody about what was happening outside of that building.

"No one else knows about it, no one but us and you," Yoongi mumbled, folding his arms over his chest as he stared out of the window. He couldn't bring himself to look at you, he felt betrayed in so many different ways. 

"Is this how one of our songs was leaked four years ago?" Namjoon was hurling accusations at you but you shook your head, there was no way you were going to let them put the blame onto you for this. Not when you had nothing to do with it.

"Why would I do something like that? I'm your friend-"

"No you're not, you've never been our friend. You've been using us since the start," Jungkook finally spoke as he got up from his chair, you glanced over at him to see his eyes were bloodshot from crying, Sejin looked over at the door as someone knocked on it and he excused himself. 

"I haven't been using you, I've been here since you debuted, I've been working with you guys. You're like my brothers, why would I ever hurt you like this?!" You were yelling now as they continued to put the blame onto you, you knew yelling wasn't going to make them see the truth but it was the only way you thought you could heard over them. 

"Tell us we're wrong then, tell us you didn't go to the media with all our date stories," Hoseok said as he stared at you, arms folded over his chest as if he was challenging you to do something. 

"Fine. You're wrong. I would never do something so idiotic," You stared at Jimin who had yet to say a word to you,

"Jimin took me home and I went to bed last night, I could barely lift my head up." You began going over in your mind what you had done the night before, there was no way you would do something like this. 

"The sources came from your email account, your name was used to sign off on each source," Taehyung mumbled, getting up and pointing to the source materials all of the media outlets had been using. 

"It's not that hard to get my email online, it's not that hard to find my name-"

"STOP LYING TO US!" Jimin finally cried out, red in the face from anger as he let tears stream down his cheeks, your heart felt as though it was breaking from the sight alone. 

"Jimin...Please, I would never do something like this to you." Tears began to well up in the corner of your eyes as you wished he would believe you, hoping that was some way he would take your side through all of this. 

"It's a good trick though, pretending to be our friend and then selling stories behind our backs," Yoongi said sarcastically as he sat back down in the chair it looked as though he'd already made up his mind on what had happened, they all had. 

"You're a disappointment," Jungkook hissed, venom dripping from his words as he stormed out of the room, you begged him to stay but he ignored you. 

"Why would we ever trust a snake, like you?" Another stab to the heart as Jin stormed out of the room with the words, you turned to look at Jimin who was normally the one to take both sides during a discussion but this time he seemed to have already made up his mind and he was set in his way. 

"You have to believe me, I would never-"

"Then how do you explain it?! How do you explain everyone knowing it all! You're the only one that knew all of this information Y/n! Just fucking own up to it and don't be so stupid," He yelled in your face making your breathing hitch in your throat, you watched him walk out of the room followed by Yoongi, Taehyung, Hoseok leaving you alone with only Namjoon who was shaking his head at you.

"Joonie-"

"Only my friends get to call me that, we never should have trusted you." He rubbed his temples and you knew what that meant, he was trying to make a decision about something and your heartbroke. It was about you and you knew it. 

"To make things easier, since no one believes me anyway, you can stick your job," You mumbled, snapping the lanyard that carried your ID inside and dropping it onto the desk. Followed by the company car keys, 

"I'll give you the apartment key when I move out," You grumbled, walking out of the room and slamming the door behind you. 

"Don't act like you're better than us! You did this to yourself!" Yoongi yelled as you joined him in the hallway outside of the meeting room, you scoffed at him as you finally let the tears go. 

"You know what, you've already made your decision so it clearly doesn't matter. What happened to innocent until proven guilty?!" You yelled back at him, you didn't need to worry about losing your job since you'd already quit, there was nothing holding you back anymore. 

"What happened to, "Y/n you're our best friend, no matter what?', or is that all just bullshit now?" You yelled out, eyes scanning over their faces as the elevator let you know it was on the floor. Ted got out and you knew he was there for you.

"We never should have hired you," Jimin laughed as he looked at you, everyone on that floor began to come out of their rooms to get a look at what was happening as if it was something happening on their TV show instead of right in front of them, 

"We never should have hired a stupid girl who no one else wanted, someone who ruins everything that she touches!" You stiffened up your back as you heard him, Ted touched your upper arm but you moved away from him walking yourself into the elevator as you shook your head.

"You guys act like you're so sweet and yet you're toxic to the one person who's only ever always been there for you." You mumbled, hitting the bottom floor button before the doors shut, leaving them behind as you sunk down onto the floor crying at the thought of them hating you forever.

"Do you think we were too harsh?" Hoseok whispered as he sat in the dorms later that night with Jungkook and Taehyung, all three of them were regretting what they had said while the others stayed in their rooms not speaking with one another.

"No, I mean...There was no one else it could have been, she didn't have to lie to us," Taehyung grumbled as he poked at his food with his chopsticks, he'd lost his appetite all day being worried about what you were going through back at the apartment you were staying in.

"Well, I mean not really...It could have been any one of the girls we're dating..." Jungkook whispered as he looked over at Hoseok who sighed to himself, none of them had thought it through before accusing you of being the one to leak information.

"Why would they though?" Taehyung frowned, he knew his girlfriend would never do something that could potentially ruin their relationship.

"Why would who, do what?" Namjoon questioned hearing the end of their conversation, 

"Jungkook thinks one of our girlfriends could have been the one to leak the information but why would they? I mean, unless it was out of spite but I don't think they would," Hoseok explained, thinking back to his girlfriend and shaking his head, he knew she would never betray his trust that way but Namjoon's face seemed to turn pale and it looked as though he was beginning to sweat.

"Namjoon?" Jungkook questioned, confused as to why the leader looked as though he'd just seen a ghost roaming around the halls of the dorms. 

"I mean- What if it was one of our girlfriends...I- Me and Jessi had a fight last night and we broke up...She knows everything Y/n knows and more...She never liked Y/n either so she would do it to spite us all..." The room suddenly fell cold even though it was a heatwave and the boys all panicked, darting for their phones to try and contact you while Namjoon tried to piece everything together and think of a way to get it out of his ex that she did or did not do it.

Getting it out of Jessi wasn't easy but after HYBE ordered a warrant to go through her internet histories finding everything came from her IP address, including multiple email accounts created under your name and address the boys instantly tried to get into contact with you but you had blocked their numbers wanting nothing more to do with people who thought that you were lying to them. 

"I bought a coffee, to make up for things," Jungkook said as you walked out of your apartment to find him standing there staring at you. HYBE had allowed you to stay in the apartment until you found another place to live and the boys had been sending over non-stop gifts to try and say sorry to you, this was the first time you'd seen any of them face to face since it happened. 

"You think a coffee, some flowers and a huge 'I'm Beary sorry' teddy bear are going to make up for it?" You scoffed, pulling the strap of your bag over your shoulder, making your way towards the building's main elevator where the rest of the boys were waiting. They knew there was nothing they could do, say or give to you that would even begin to make up for what they said and did to you. Embarrassing you in front of everyone that was in that hallway that day, yelling at you, accusing you of something you'd never done in your life.

"No, but it's a way of us saying sorry and starting to mend what we broke," Jungkook whispered, Jimin glanced up at you as you looked over each of them. It was obvious how sorry they all were but if you forgave them so easily who was to say that they wouldn't do it all over again? You didn't want them to use you like you were some kind of mug.

"Will you think about it?" Namjoon questioned as you got into the elevator without saying anything to them but you had no idea what to say, it was hard. After eight years you thought they trusted you as much as you trusted them but clearly, you were wrong about that fact. 

"I guess...But it hurt, knowing that after all these years you didn't believe me." You looked up at them as they all looked down at the ground apologetically. 

"We're sorry," They each said as the doors shut, leaving you alone with your thoughts and your vibrating phone. Sejin had been trying to get in contact with you since he found out it was all Jessi, he wanted to get you to come back to your job and apologise for what had happened but you ignored his calls and voicemails. You just needed some time and space to think everything over, things would never go back to the way they were. You'd never be able to be as close with the boys as you once were but it was worth a shot. Right? 

The last few weeks consisted of sneaking into the HYBE building without the members knowing, signing all new contracts to work with a different team and group as well as trying to mend your business relationship with Sejin. Since you felt betrayed by him and the boys you no longer wanted to work under them but that didn't mean you couldn't be friends and still work for the company. After eight years you decided you weren't just going to throw it all away for nothing. 

"You're here?" Jimin questioned as he walked into one of the lounge area's in the building to see you standing with JR from NU'EST, he was talking to you about something he wanted brought to him. 

"I am, I'm working though so if you want something you'll have to walk and talk," Jimin frowned as he followed you out into the hallway, following you around as you headed towards the canteen to get a coffee. 

"You're working for NU'EST now?" He questioned, watching you closely as you nodded your head, turning to look up at him with a weak smile. 

"This was the only way I could think of saving a friendship...I couldn't work for you or Sejin again so I'm with NU'EST...I'll see you around and we can develop our friendships again," He knew that you were coming from a good place and it was nice to know you were willing to work on your friendships with them but he couldn't help but feel hurt by you choosing to sign with a different band after everything you'd done with them.

"Jimin...This was the only way I could come back to work," You whispered as he nodded at you, following you back up to the lounge and he told all of the boys what was happening. 

Days at the company turned into weeks which turned into months of you working for the new group, working alongside them while working on your friendship with the NU'EST members as well as the BTS boys again, wanting nothing more than your friendship to be as strong as it once was and it was back at that point. You felt as though you could trust them and get along with them better, 

"It feels good to have you back," Jungkook said as he handed you a plate of food, all eight of you were at the dorms eating take-out and watching some bad movie that Hoseok had picked out. It was your monthly movie night that you used to have together, it was nice to know that everything was clicking back into place and you were developing growth with them.

"I CALLED IT!" Yoongi yelled as the two side characters began to make out in the forest before being killed by the movie killer, it was a tradition between you all to make bets on movie cliche's that would be used within the movies.

"It was so obvious," You mumbled putting the money you owed him into his hand before stealing one of the spring rolls from his plate and eating it happily. It was safe to say everything was back to the way it should have been in the first place, the way things were happy. You felt as though you were back home safe and sound.

Tagline: @lyoongx​ @mitzwinchester​ @rjsmochii​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​ @innersooya​ @sw33tnight​ @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​

[reidyoulikeabook]

Sometimes You Just Don’t Know the Answer

4 times you don’t know the answer, and the 1 time you do

This is the 2nd part to Personal Google! (You don’t have to read it to understand this, but it exists if you want to).

Ship: BAU!reader x Spencer Reid

Summary: You’d call yourself a pretty educated individual, and most people wouldn’t argue with that, given that you’re a member of the BAU at Quantico. There’s just something about your best friend Spencer Reid that gets you all tongue tied.

Warnings: Mentions of cases and case-typical violence, mentions of alcohol, Spencer and Reader being idiots again.

Word count: 3k

A/N: The feedback (in asks and the tag reblogs) for Personal Google was so lovely and encouraging and I am very grateful for it! I only made this account a few days ago and I’m already so glad I did :) I hope this is a satisfactory second part and, requests are open!

(This is the Reid I’m imagining here)

“What is up with you and Reid?” Emily’s volume is unmoderated at the best of times but right now it’s like she’s trying to alert the entirety of Virginia to your dating woes.

Dating woes might be a stretch, actually. Somehow, just her implication that something is happening between you and Spencer (even though it isn’t, unless you count two exhausted idiots falling asleep on each other and being too bashful to ever mention it again), is enough to get you feeling uncharacteristically shy.

“Nothing,” you shrug, “Well. I don’t know, honestly, nothing I guess? We haven’t spoken about that night.”

Emily’s eyes rake over you, and you can tell she’s waiting for you to continue.

“There’s nothing!” you object, “We just, it was accidental, we fell asleep because we were watching a documentary and we were tired and neither of us fell asleep on purpose.”

She laughs, dry and amused, “At this rate, you’ll be lucky to have sorted things out before you’re 50.”

You scowl, but it’s only because you know she’s right.

***

You don’t have much time to think about your situation with Spencer for a few weeks, considering the rate at which the cases come rolling in. This newest one arrives within about two days of the last one you’d just wrapped up. It’s actually kind of rude, you’ve decided, that the serial killers of America have decided to deny you two weekends in a row.

You’re briefed on the case quickly: four women have gone missing over the past 7 months from a small town in Ohio. There’s no distinct pattern that can be discerned among the victims, the oldest is 60 and white, the youngest is 23 and Asian-American. However, the first three have been found dead in the past two weeks, all within a mile of each other and all killed with the same MO: ligature strangulation.

“So we have no idea how he’s choosing them,” you say.

“No,” Hotch replies, with a sigh.

Meaning that this is probably going to take a while. Spencer senses the way you tense up a little as you absorb that fact. So he goes out of his way to sit next to you on the plane. Once the discussion about the case is done, he nudges you gently, “Did you bring a book?”

You shake your head, “I finished the one in my go-bag. Didn’t have a chance to replace it.”

“Would you like to read this with me?”

You place your hand on his wrist, gently turning it so you can see the cover, “Spencer this is written in Greek.”

“I can translate,” he says.

You move closer to him then, your head resting just against his plane seat and your chin almost jutting against his shoulder.

“Is this okay?”

He nods. The remaining 45 minutes of the flight are spent with him reading to you softly, adding in his own thoughts as he translates and sometimes going off on little tangents. By the time you land you’ve entirely forgotten about your ire with the case. You’re focused only on the characters he introduces you to, who are clearly in love even if they’re too stupid to see it, and the way his nose crinkles a little when he reaches a word with no direct English translation.

Whhat you don’t realise, is that you end up folding into him: head pressed against his chest. Somehow, neither of you notice how you naturally gravitate towards each other. Some pair of profilers.

--

Hotch sends you in different cars to the precinct, and you’re soon reminded of your frustration as you’re caught up in the hub-a-bub of the case. It’s not until you’re leaving the station, after a long and relatively fruitless briefing with the medical examiners and local PD, that you even have time to acknowledge Spencer properly again.

And even then, it’s only when Hotch says.

"You'll be sharing a room with Reid, alright?"

He’s only really asking as a formality. Nobody questions Hotch’s assignments for them. So why, then, do you feel yourself flush a little.

Why then, do you feel so embarassed replying, “Alright.”

***

There was nothing much to be nervous about with sharing a room, as it so happened. The past day and a half had been a whirlwind since the unsub had snatched a fifth victim. You’d been sleeping in shifts, making sure that some of you were awake at all times to keep working.

You were working on the geographical profile with Spencer, and had taken to driving around to look for landmarks at night, when there was nothing much else to do. There were maps but sometimes it helped just to get things embedded in your brain. And now, at 4am, you’re bursting into the conference room occupied by Spencer and Rossi, because you might just have got something.

"I have an idea,” you say, and before anybody can even respond you’re scribbling hurriedly on the whiteboard.

“Slow down kiddo,” Rossi laughs.

“Sorry I’m just,” you cut yourself off, slightly flustered and tapping your foot with frustration as you try to put the last pieces of it together, “Diana Matthews.”

“Yeah?” Spencer responds.

“She was the one who lived on Lakefield right?” Rossi asks.

Annoyingly, you can’t remember off rote. Spencer sees the pinch of frustration in your brow. He senses that you’re heading for the case file.

So, he answers, “Yeah 38 Lakefield Drive.”

Smiling gratefully at him, you breathe a sigh of relief, “There’s three different stores in the area for this local electronic repair company, Gladston Digital, in this area. Two of them aren’t accounted for on the maps because these are from last year, and one of the ones on Google is pinned to the wrong street, there are two Minister Avenues and one’s on the complete opposite side of town.”

Denoting the map with annotations as you go, you continue, “All of the victims had residences within a mile of one of the three stores. And we interviewed the area manager, Paul something, he manages all three stores. He came to speak to me and Hotch while we were scoping the area.”

“Inserting himself into the investigation,” Rossi notes, “Fits the profile. A stalker like that would want to remain an illusion of control.”

“I just need to get Garcia on the phone to see if it checks out.”

Spencer just watches, slightly in awe, as you make the phone call to Garcia. She manages to cross-reference bank statements and emails, showing that all five of the victims had taken something of theirs in for repair sometime in the year before their disappearance. And he feels something in his gut. Pride? Maybe. That’s certainly a part of it.

But there’s something else in there too. Your eyes meet his, with a flicker of recognition. He realises what it is then: marvel. Your brain works so fast, and that’s not novel to him, he knows you’re intelligent but there’s just something about how fast you manage to put it all together. You conjure something out of nothing, a link that he’d missed. And he’s reminded, again, that he has to try and keep up with you sometimes. He wonders if you know that.

Probably not, he thinks. You’re rambling down the phone and gesturing with your hands, in a way you may or may not have picked up from him, and all he can think is how you look so in your element. And beautiful.

He’s a little embarassed about how normal it feels for that last observation to pop into his head.

***

“To _____!” Prentiss cheers.

8pm has rolled around. Since your revelation 16 hours earlier, you managed to confirm your thinking, apprehend Paul Bader, and save the fifth victim. All in all, a pretty good days work. It’s not just down to you, but everyone’s singing your praises so loudly it’s making you a little embarassed.

Even Hotch sets a drink down in front of you, squeezing your shoulder, “Really good work today ____.”

Fair to say you’ve probably peaked there.

Spencer is sat to your left, sipping at a Mai Tai that you know is going to have him giggly in about an hours time.

“I wasn’t trying to keep you out before,” you tell him, “I was going to come and wake you up when I got back but you were in the conference room.”

He smiles, “I know. It was my shift to sleep.”

“Bet you’re paying for that now.”

“A little,” he chuckles, “It’s worth it.”

"I just didn’t want you to think I was hanging you out to dry. You know, to make myself look good,” you decide to press further: mostly just because the team has sung your praises and that kind of attention makes you shirk at the best of times. Let alone when you’re sat with the guy responsible for creating half the damn profile.

His eyebrows furrow. You worry for a minute about what he’s going to say, but then, “I would never think that about you. We’re a team.”

He squeezes your hand. Maybe that’s your favourite thing about Spencer, really. More than the fact he remembers to get your caffeine just how you like it, more than how gentle he is with just about everybody he encounters, more than his relentless enthusiasm for your questions about whatever pops into your mind. No, it’s his modesty. The way he doesn’t even think for a moment to be prideful or arrogant about his intelligence. He genuinely roots for you in every moment, you think.

“Are you okay?” he asks, “You seem a little..quiet.”

It wasn’t until he mentioned it that you realise you’d let your thoughts run away with you, “No. I’m good. Just thinking about how good of a teacher you are.”

“You think so?”

“Of course I think so. You’ve taught me. I didn’t know the first thing about geographical profiling when I got here two years ago. I could barely read a map,” you laugh, keeping your tone sincere, “You’re a really good teacher Spence. I feel like I learn so much from just being around you.”

“I often don’t give you much choice.”

You smile, “I wouldn’t want you to. Really. I’m always interested in everything you have to say. I think you know that. But I wanted to tell you anyway. So you’re sure.”

He’s incredibly grateful you get pulled into a conversation by Morgan, giving him a moment to process.

A lifetime of being insecure. Of feeling like nobody was interested in what he had to say but not being able to really control whether he said it anyway. All this time being insecure in himself, and you liked it. Complimented him on it, even. Considered him a teacher. He doesn’t think he could articulate, in any of the languages he speaks, the sense of peace that brings him.

-----

The Mai Tai’s do make him sleepy. Buzzed, but sleepy. After being bought rounds by Hotch, Morgan, and Spencer, you’re feeling exactly the same. It’s only 10:30pm by the time you decide to make your departure for the night. This is much to the chagrin of Emily, who lolls against Rossi’s side demanding that you stay.

“Some of us have been up since 4 this morning, breaking their backs to keep this country safe,” You tease, putting on a melodramatic air just for affect, “Besides, you’re going to regret this when you have to be up and back on the jet in the morning.”

“You will, especially since you still owe me that report,” Hotch teases, with a smile.

Emily rolls her eyes, “You two are no fun.”

She’s joking, goading you, but unfortunately for her you have a sleepy Spencer nuzzling against you which is a far more pressing matter to deal with.

“Come on Spence, let’s get you to bed,” You say, gently wiggling out from under him and offering him your hand.

He pouts at the momentary loss of contact. It’s subtle. You catch it though. He links his fingers through your own, holding your hand properly, and you try not to read into it too much. He’s tipsy. He’s tired.

Ignoring the deliberately obvious eyebrow-wiggling from Morgan, you make for the lift.

“You didn’t have to come to bed just for me,” Spencer says, “I feel bad for taking you away from the others. I’m not that drunk, I could get myself to bed.”

You shake your head, “I wanted to go to bed with you.”

His eyes snap to you, a grin playing on his lips.

“I mean, I wanted to go to bed. And we’re sharing a room. So I’m going to bed with you. As in we’re going to the place where bed is, together.”

He’s just enough tipsy to be confident enough to jest, “Sure.”

You roll your eyes, “You sound like Morgan.”

“What did Morgan say?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know exactly what Morgan always says whenever anybody goes off together.”

“That they’re having sex,” He giggles, tipsiness shining through again.

“Yes, Spence, that they’re having sex.”

“But we’re not.”

The elevator dings as you arrive at your floor, saving your brain from delving into the implications of what he’s just said. And whether that was a disappointed or netural tone.

He hasn’t let go of your hand. He walks to the door with you, still keeping your hand in his. It’s hard not to let yourself read into it now. How holding hands with him could be such a casual thing. Hard not to imagine walking through bookshops with him, one hand in yours and the other picking books off the shelf he thought you’d like. The domesticity of it sickens you.

Then he lets go to cross to the bed.

“Aren’t you gonna put your pyjama’s on?” You ask.

“I wasn’t gonna sleep yet,” he says, “I was gonna...”

He looks bashful, suddenly, self-consciously licking his lower lip, “I was gonna ask if maybe you wanted to watch something with me. You can pick. I always pick.”

“This an excuse to get me in bed with you again, Spence?” You tease, just past tipsy enough not to care that this is the first time you’ve even acknowledged that night.

"Yeah, the Pearl Harbour ruse doesn’t work twice,” he jokes.

You wish you could find the courage to tease him more. Unfortunately, the liquid courage seems to have run out, and the topic somehow feels too delicate to touch.. Instead, you change quickly into your pyjama’s. Together, you pick something to watch, settling down. You’re suddenly thankful for the single bed, the necessity to be cozied up against him as you watch. To feel his chest, every beat of his heart. You swear it’s beating fast. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

***

Just like last time, you wake up huddled against Spencer. Unlike last time, there’s no Emily banging the door down to drag you to the police station. No, it’s quiet.

You can’t see what time it is because there’s a Spencer between you and the clock. Your phone is in your back pocket but it’s hard to find any motivation whatsoever to move when you’re like this: face pressed into his chest, his head resting atop of yours so a single curl of his hair tickles your nose, his hand on your hip holding you against him.  

His eyelashes flutter, “Are you awake?”

“Yeah. I just woke up.”

He smiles, “Me too.”

“Looks like we did it again.”

“Looks like we did,” his voice is quiet.

“Do you want me to move? If I’m...I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

His free hand comes up to your chin, tipping it so you’re looking him directly in the eyes. His pupils are dilated. In the dim light it’s hard to place the look on his face exactly. But it’s soft.

"C-Can I kiss you?” the question spills quickly from his lips, like he’s afraid he’ll change his mind if he doesn’t get it out fast, “I just. I don’t know if that’s what you want too, I’ve just really-”

"Kiss me, Spence. Please kiss me.”

The smile on his face would have made you fall in love with him, if you weren’t already. And then he kisses you. Barely. Your lips are just grazing against one anothers. You tilt yourself upwards, towards him, giving him a better angle. Then he really kisses you, capturing your lips in his. It’s sweet, it’s soft, it’s...it’s everything. It’s everything, how his hands tangle themselves tentatively in your hair, how he kisses you so deeply, drinking you in.

His hand cups your cheek, then he’s pulling back, just a tiny bit, to mumble against your lips, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

The only appropriate way you can think to verbalise your agreement, is closing the gap between your lips again. There’s an urgency to it this time. Your lips move quickly, passionately. He swipes his tongue across your lower lip and you let him in, your tongues delicately dancing together. He’s good. He’s good and you don’t even notice the morning breath or faint taste of rum, it’s just Spencer.

When you finally come apart, you’re out of breath.

“I didn’t think you’d ever do that,” you say, “I was worried I was reading this whole thing wrong.”

He frowns then, that little nose crinkle appearing again, “I thought I was too obvious.”

“So did I. Maybe it’s best if we don’t tell Hotch how bad we are at profiling each other. He might rethink his decision to take us on.”

He laughs, “Not being able to profile when somebody’s in love with you might be a cause for concern. There are several obvious phyical signs of love, including dilation of pupils when looking at the object of your affection, heart rate synchronisation.”

“How am I supposed to know if our heart rates have synchronised?”

He smiles. Pressing a finger to your lips, he dips his head in the small chasm between your two chests. In the silence, in the early morning quiet, in the absence of all distraction you can hear it. The steady thrum of your hearts, pounding away at identical paces. The sound that told you that some part of you had always known.

--------------

Tagslist: @takeyourleap-of-faith​​ @sassiest-politician​​ (let me know if you’d like to be added/removed from this list)

[rmnamjoons]

Taking Flight [KNJ Oneshot]

➳ summary: More than a decade after the alien invasion that wiped out most of the planet, you and Namjoon are both in the Pilot Cadet Corps, training for if the alien attackers ever come back. What begins as a playful rivalry between two overachievers develops into a deep friendship and emotional bond, but when the aliens suddenly return and you and Namjoon are separated, you find out just what you’re willing to do to get back to him.

➳ pairing: pilot!Namjoon x pilot!reader

➳ genre: smut, sci fi au, post apocalypse au, alien invasion au, rivals to friends to lovers

➳ word count: 15.2k

➳ read on ao3, link to my masterlist

➳ tags: smut, reunion sex, oral (f receiving), fingering, emotional loving sex, soft dom namjoon, dirty talk (no degradation), rivals to friends to lovers, sexually charged fight/sparring scene when they’re rivals, previously seemingly unrequited love/mutual pining, shower sex, multiple positions, namjoon is needy and so in love

➳ warnings: unnamed character death/death mention, blood mention, injury mention/vague description

➳ a/n: I know this is kind of a niche genre for smut fics; I primarily wrote this for myself, and I definitely had fun and like what I came up with! What’s the point of fanfiction anyway, if not to have fun? Also, this takes place over a few years, and I tried to portray how Namjoon was feral and angry when he was younger but is now a loving gentle giant. Enjoy!

I.

Everybody lost someone in the attacks that killed most of the planet. Friends. Family. Partners. You had lost everything and everyone, like most people who’d lived in the cities that no longer had names — what once had been centers of commerce, tourism, and civilization were now nothing more than craters, and with so few left who remembered them, what they’d once been were now lost to time.

You'd only survived by chance, really. You and your family had been in a tunnel leaving the city, on foot like everyone else, and when everything had turned to chaos, you’d gotten lost from your parents and sister. You still remembered the way people screamed and ran through the tunnel, their voices echoing harshly off the cement walls. You’d spotted someone hiding off to the side in a utility room in the tunnel, and when the blast hit the city center, that person had made you hide in the room too, their body shielding yours from the hellfire, melting around you.

You were five years old then. You were pretty sure your sister had been eight. You couldn’t remember what your parents or sister looked like, or your house, or where you’d gone to school, other than vague flashes and shapes of people who’d once been your whole world. All you’d had with you were the clothes on your back, and even those had been taken away once you’d gotten somewhere safe and been given something clean to change into.

After the ships fell and surviving aliens left, it had taken years to clear the rubble and start over. The attacks that changed and destroyed everything had also been a gift, or so they now preached, in which humanity was able to grow, learn, and become united. The religions and cults who now worshiped the alien attackers believed humanity had deserved extermination, but you liked the more academic approach to the alien race’s lessons: the technology humans had been able to reverse engineer from their fallen ships.

One of the many ways humanity had advanced in the last few years was flight technology. Planes were faster, turned sharper, could go farther, burned cleaner energy. The one thing everyone seemed to agree on was how important Earth’s planes had been in beating them, so that was where all the technology and progress was focused now.

You loved planes and flying, you always had, but the real reason you wanted to be a pilot, you held much closer to your chest: your entire life, you always felt like the attacks when you were young were just the beginning. Like an unhealthy obsession or open wound, it was all you could think about sometimes, what drove your every decision, what led you to the Pilot Cadet Corps. You wanted to be part of the team that took them down if they ever came back. You wanted to be ready.

You were eighteen when you’d joined the Corps. You’d jumped on that opportunity the first moment you were able, without so much as a second glance back at what you left behind. You’d been adopted fairly soon after the attacks, but your adopted parents never felt much like family.

The first full year of Corps was bootcamp. Bunk rooms were co-ed, and every moment of your lives was dictated down to the second. You woke up at six in the morning and ran laps around the track. You had as much free time as you earned between whenever you finished your laps and when breakfast started at seven: the faster you ran, the more free time you got.

Eight to noon was physical training. After lunch was different depending on the day: three days a week you had mental training for whatever field you were going into, mostly flight simulation for the pilots. Another day was more combat training, and the last was an alternate, for first aid, written tests, marksmanship, and other courses along those lines. After that you had more physical training, like sparring and hand-to-hand combat, then dinner, then free time. Lights out was strictly at ten-thirty every night, and then you’d start it all over again the next day.

Now, you stood in line with the other cadets training to be pilots, waiting to hear your class ranks. Every month, they would announce a ranking of all cadets, a score averaged in test results, simulator scores, and overall performance. The better you ranked, the better your placement once you graduated.

“Third place, Park. Eighty-nine point nine,” the sergeant read off, making a small boy a few rows away from you puff up his chest in pride. You weren’t sure why anyone would feel proud of not getting an A, but you pushed that thought away.

You swallowed hard, holding your breath. There were only two spots left, and if you’d scored higher than Park, that meant you got an A and were either in second or first place out of the whole class. You didn’t know everyone’s names yet, so you weren’t sure who you were competing with.

“Second place, Y/L/N. Ninety-five point two.”

You heard the impressed murmur of others in the class before all of them were silenced by a firm look from the sergeant. Your heart sank, your hands curling into tight fists. Second place? You’d been so sure before now that you were working harder than all the other cadets. You were smarter than them, faster, more focused. Who the fuck had beaten you?

“First place, Kim. Ninety-five point three.”

Your brow furrowed. You weren’t sure who this Kim was, but you set your jaw, becoming determined to learn everything about them so you could beat them. Whatever their weaknesses were, you’d find them and exploit them.

You snuck a glance around you, trying to figure out who Kim was, and nearly jumped out of your skin when the tall boy next to you made eye contact with you, raising one eyebrow in the most smug, cocky, asshole-ish look you’d ever seen. That one singular eyebrow quirk, the corner of his lip curling up barely noticeably, all of it made you want to seethe and strangle him.

You’d noticed this man before, but had never thought much of him. He was taller than all the other men, but he hadn’t come off as particularly smart or extraordinary. This guy was the one who’d beaten you?

Now that you looked at him, you noticed he was definitely very muscular. Had he beaten your score through his strength? You could work harder at weight lifting and beat him. Were his test scores perfect? You could make yourself study even more.

Whatever it was that made him first place, you’d find out and beat him.

II.

In the following weeks, you began to wonder how you’d ever missed Kim Namjoon.

You and Namjoon both worked harder than everyone else. You both trained longer, started earlier in the morning and kept going until you were the last ones left. You both pushed yourselves harder than all of your other classmates, academically and physically. Before he was placed first in the class, you hadn’t even noticed him, but now he was the bane of your existence, and you existed only to beat him and come out on top.

You were faster and more agile, but Namjoon was by far stronger. You almost wanted to dispute the scoring system; what use was strength for a pilot? You weren’t soldiers. He needed fast reflexes and precision, not fighting skills or the ability to deadlift two hundred pounds. Was he planning on picking up planes and throwing them at the alien ships? It was so stupid.

The second month of bootcamp, you were the top of the class, and Namjoon was second place now. You smiled smugly to yourself and kept your eyes focused forward, staying perfectly at attention like the other cadets, but you could feel his eyes on you and almost sense his focused anger, that same emotion you’d felt when he’d first beaten you.

After the ranking announcements, you went to combat training in the gym, but your instructor called out both your name and Namjoon’s before you could even get started.

“I want the two of you to spar,” the instructor said as the two of you ran up. “No rules, just fighting. You can use boxing, wrestling, martial arts, whatever you want — just don’t kill each other.”

You narrowed your eyes at Namjoon, almost expecting him to refuse to fight you, for being a girl. Besides occasional glares, the two of you had never so much as said a word to each other, but you figured smug alpha male assholes were all the same.

But instead, Namjoon smiled and said, “All right.” He almost seemed eager to get in the ring and teach you a lesson.

Now, you eyed him from across the ring, how he was watching you with a smug little smirk as he wrapped his knuckles.

“To win, pin the other person’s back to the mat for five full seconds,” your instructor said carefully. “Their back has to fully touch the ground, not just shoulders. They don’t have to be conscious to be pinned.”

You and Namjoon made eye contact at that.

“Whoever wins doesn’t have to run laps next week. Loser runs double laps before eating. You both ready?”

You and Namjoon ended up drawing a crowd of spectators.

The moment the instructor said start, you ran, jumped, and wrapped your legs around his head, twisting and throwing him to the ground so that he was on his back and you stood over his head, smirking down at his stupid surprised face.

He’d hit the mat hard, the breath completely knocked out of him. A few people in the crowd murmured quietly to themselves and quietly asked each other if the fight was already over. You let out a shaky breath, letting yourself feel proud for a split second as you glanced at the spectators, but before you could register what was happening, Namjoon grabbed you by both your legs, making you twist and fall hard on your back, too.

You tried to crawl away from him, but he just pulled you under him by your legs, climbing on top of you and trying to hold you down with his hands. You arched your back as high as you could, touching the mat only with your shoulders and ass as Namjoon fought to grab your wrists. He was on top of you, straddling your abdomen and trying to keep you down without actually touching your chest, and you watched him bite his lip and heard him growl as he focused on not getting hit while you thrashed beneath him.

You brought your leg up and kneed his kidney as hard as you could, making him groan before moving back to pin your legs down too. You could now easily keep your back fully off the mat, but he was straddling you much lower now, bending over you and still trying to grab your arms. This close, you could smell him, his sweat and masculine scent mixed with the cheap soap you all were given, and you had to push aside the fact you kind of liked the way he smelled.

You were panting hard, your chest rising and falling rapidly with each deep breath. You watched Namjoon as he glanced down at your breasts, before his eyes snapped back up at your face, his eyes wide as if he were surprised he’d let himself look.

“Having fun?” you teased, smirking up at him.

“Tons,” he growled, finally catching one of your hands and pinning it down by your wrist.

You hooked your leg up as far as you could, wrapping it around him and using his close proximity to your advantage. This seemed to catch Namjoon very off guard, and you felt more than heard him make a noise in surprise as you essentially embraced him, not giving him any space to move or do anything as you pulled your hand free and wrapped all your limbs around him, hanging off of him like a leach.

Namjoon sat back on his knees, and you held onto him, your legs around his waist and arms around his shoulders, waiting for your moment to use his weight against him and throw him on his back. He was squirming and wearing himself out, while you just squeezed him, hard enough you heard something in him crack.

“What are you doing?” he grumbled, trying to pry you off of him. Before you could answer, he grabbed you by your hair and jerked your head backwards, making you gasp and cry out. He started to force you off by getting his hands between your bodies, but you surprised him, grabbing his throat with both hands and squeezing.

Namjoon forcefully brought his hands down on your arms, bending them so that you let go of his neck, and now you were much closer to his face, nearly nose to nose as he still sat there on his knees with you hanging off of him. He held your wrists with both hands now as you tried to struggle free from him, and when you realized you couldn’t, you twisted one wrist, bringing his hand up to your mouth and biting down as hard as you could on the meat of his thumb.

He yelped and let go of you, but before you could use the moment to your advantage, he grabbed you and pushed you off of him, throwing you down away from him while he scrambled back and looked at his hand.

Your body bounced as you hit the mat, rolling a few times until you slammed against the edge of the ring. Namjoon was back on you before you could react, and you felt him behind you, trying to roll you over so he could pin you down on your back again. You brought your head back hard and connected with his nose, making him jump back again.

When you looked back at him, Namjoon was standing across the ring, holding his nose and glaring at you as you jumped to your feet too.

You circled each other for a moment, both closely watching the other’s every move like prey.

His nose was bleeding heavily, both of you out of breath and covered in sweat.  You were pretty sure you had a bruised rib from him throwing you, your lungs burning from exertion from the fight. Everyone who’d been in the gym was now watching, none of them speaking as the two of you circled each other.

You ran at each other at the same time, Namjoon throwing a swing that you easily ducked. While his momentum was off, you punched him hard in the stomach, making him bend over in pain.

He was being sloppy, maybe distracted from his pain and anger, or maybe he was just more of a big clumsy oaf who relied on strength alone than you’d thought. You knew he was smart based on his test scores, but none of that appeared to translate to agility or finesse. He was fighting clumsy and angry, but you only felt more focused now, catching yourself smiling as you almost enjoyed yourself.

When you tried to strike him again, moving to hit your elbow between his shoulders while he was bent over, he turned and reached up, grabbing your neck with both hands. You broke his hold easily, and used that moment to bring your hand up and smack his injured nose.

Namjoon groaned in pain, holding his nose again. You grabbed his free hand, twisting it until he turned around and fell to his knees, yelling in pain, his arm bent painfully behind his back. You now stood behind him, Namjoon unable to move unless he wanted you to break or dislocate his arm, you on your feet with him on his knees.

“Do you forfeit?” you said, pulling his arm up another inch and making him hiss in pain. You could see how much he was sweating and panting, and ignored the way it sent a shiver of lust through you.

“You play dirty,” he seethed. Just standing close to him, you could feel the way heat radiated off of him. You’d noticed before that he was a sweaty guy, but now he was shining with it.

“I seem to remember being told that there were no rules for this fight,” you said, smiling proudly to yourself as you held the large man in place with one hand.

Instead of responding, Namjoon threw himself backwards into you, knocking you off your feet. You were on your back now and he was on his back on top of you, pinning you there. He had to have at least pulled his arm out of socket doing that move, and his body tensed from the pain, but he didn’t stop.

Namjoon pushed down with his shoulders as hard as he could, arching his back and standing up on his feet, bending his legs to put even more weight on just his shoulders to trap you there under him. You were crushed by him, barely able to breathe, let alone keep yourself fully off the mat.

He was so big and heavy, his shoulders wide enough to pin your arms down. You did the only thing you could think to do in the moment, what you hoped would give you an advantage again. You leaned in and bit down where his shoulder met his neck, the same side his arm was dislocated, and you bit down hard.

Namjoon yelped in surprise and pain, and you wrapped your arms around him in a chokehold so that when he tried to roll away, you went with him. He twisted in your arms until he was on top of you, facing you again, and this time you brought your knee up hard between his legs, his eyes closing as he groaned in agony.

You easily pushed him off and got on top of him, straddling his chest and pinning him down. Your knees pressed your full weight down on his biceps, including his injured arm, which made him groan in pain with every harsh exhale. He arched his back and tried to push you off of him, but he could barely move or reach you, his arms both pinned outward.

“Tired of getting your ass kicked yet?” you goaded, raising an eyebrow when Namjoon glared up at you. “How were you ever the top of our class? This is a little too easy.”

“Fuck you,” he growled, seething hard, blood all over his mouth and chin from his broken nose. His back still wasn’t technically on the ground though, so you needed to think of a way to make him stay down.

You were straddling his chest, so you moved your hips forward suddenly before throwing your whole body back, slamming yourself down hard and completely knocking the wind out of him. You simultaneously knocked him down so that his back was against the mat, and purposefully hit the back of your head against his crotch, which had to still be hurting from when you’d just kneed him a minute ago, so that he wouldn’t have the strength to get himself back up for a few seconds. You heard what you thought was a crack, which you really hoped wasn’t his crotch, before you heard and felt him groaning in pain.

The instructor counted out, and you won. You immediately jumped off of him and looked down at the damage.

Blood covered Namjoon’s chin, mouth, and neck, all from his nose wound, which you’d smacked more than once. He was bleeding from the bite on his neck, and his shoulder did not look right, pulled painfully out of socket and potentially broken. He rolled onto his side away from you and moaned, the hand of his arm that wasn’t dislocated over his crotch as he curled up in a ball on the ground.

“You all right?” you asked cautiously, stepping out of the way as the instructor rushed in to help him. Namjoon held up his middle finger to you, closing his eyes as he tried to breathe steadily.

You snorted in amusement and went off to the locker room to shower.

That night, Namjoon limped into dinner.

You were sitting by yourself at a table near the back, reading a book written by a pilot from before the attacks. Namjoon sat down across from you, as if sitting together was something the two of you normally did.

His nose was badly bruised and taped up, definitely broken. Judging by the limp he’d come in with, you’d messed up something below deck. His arm seemed to have been popped back in socket, but you could see the bruising spreading over his collarbone under his t-shirt, and his arm was in a sling. He had bite marks on his neck and hand, and the one on his neck had needed stitches.

You tried not to smile to yourself.

“Y/L/N?” he asked, like he wasn’t sure of your name, like you two weren’t rivals constantly competing and you hadn’t kicked his ass a few hours ago.

“Kim,” you said, returning the formality.

He didn’t say anything for a moment, so you went back to eating, trying not to look over at him. He rested his non-injured hand on his stomach, and you wondered if you’d broken one of his ribs or if he was just hungry.

“You planning on eating?” you asked him after a moment.

Namjoon actually smiled, laughing to himself weakly.

“I don’t think I even have the energy to walk across the room to get food,” he murmured, his voice a little deeper than usual.

Without a word, you stood, walking straight across the room to get another plate of food. When you returned and placed it in front of him, he looked up at you with wide eyes, confused and shocked by your gesture.

“Do you need me to cut it up for you, too?” you teased, though glancing at his arm, you wondered if he’d actually need that.

Namjoon shook his head after a moment, glancing down at his plate.

“Thank you,” he said quietly. You saw a small, genuine smile on his lips, and you realized then for the very first time that he had dimples.

III.

The following week came, as did Namjoon’s punishment week for losing the sparring match. The first morning, you noticed him waking up earlier than everyone else to go start his laps, since he had to do double. You quickly got dressed and followed.

You ran up beside him as he slowly jogged around the track.

“What are you doing?” He looked over at you, furrowing his brow but not stopping.

“Running laps,” you answered flatly.

You ran the same number of laps as he did that morning, despite having won the right not to run this week. Namjoon, you learned, had a broken rib and pulled groin in addition to all the other stuff you’d done to him, and he’d been given an out and didn’t have to run any laps after all. Your instructor had told him that he needed to focus on healing and not accidentally hurt himself more. He didn’t have to do combat training or anything else physical until he was healed, but he still ran his punishment laps anyway, completely by choice, and so you ran them too, matching his pace the entire time, neither of you saying a word to the other.

Despite getting his ass kicked in the sparring match, the rest of the cadets viewed Namjoon as almost a superhero after that. They respected how well he’d taken a beating; he was the guy who kept fighting, even with half a dozen injuries and multiple broken bones. You were the only one who’d been able to best him, using just your speed to outwit him, and now the rest of the class respected you both even more. Namjoon was a nearly unstoppable tank, and you were the lithe fox that beat him.

As boot camp continued, you and Namjoon continued your quiet friendship, neither of you the overly gushy or warm type, both focused only on training. You studied together, and started helping each other instead of competing. Both of you only improved your scores and times.

Namjoon helped you with your physical training, helping you get stronger. You helped him with his marksmanship, precision, and speed. You regularly sparred and fought and pushed each other further. You studied together, fought together, ate together, did everything together.

The first year of Corps ended, and you entered the second year. This was more specialized, focused on specifically becoming a pilot with more time on flight training instead of physical and military training, which you still definitely had a lot of.

Your class was smaller now, but you still slept in a co-ed barrack. You and Namjoon picked spots next to each other this year.

One night during winter break, almost everyone else had gone home for the week, the two of you essentially having the base to yourselves. It was well past midnight and after lights out, but you and Namjoon laid in your beds talking quietly, both on your sides facing each other. You only had about a foot of space between your beds, and you could just barely make out his face in the dark.

Namjoon told you that he remembered the attacks, losing his family, everything. He’d had a sister too, and had lived in a suburb, not one of the cities. He didn’t explain further, but said that he remembered what happened to his family, and that he’d been found in the woods by himself weeks later. He’d only been seven years old at the time, and you wondered how the hell he’d made it on his own for so long.

You got the feeling he was used to being on his own, and didn’t let himself get attached to anything or anyone. Part of you wanted to reach out and touch him, put your hand on his shoulder and tell him he didn’t have to be alone anymore. But instead you sighed, ignoring the way his sad eyes made your heart ache.

IV.

Your second year turned into your third, and you and Namjoon only became closer. You both planned to go on to a fourth year of training, even though it wasn’t required, as it would give you higher credentials and clearance when you finished. Both of you still strived to be perfect, after all.

Halfway through your third year together, you realized Namjoon was the closest thing you had to family. You both saw each other pretty much every moment of every day. You both didn’t leave the base for holidays, so the longest you’d been apart since first meeting was a few hours, at most.

You were constantly together, even when you didn’t need to be. You woke up early and ran laps, even though you were no longer required to — only first year cadets ran laps, but you both continued because… you didn’t know why, and you didn’t question it. You loved running with him.

That first year together, Namjoon had been stoic and quiet. He didn’t talk much, unless directly questioned, and even then he kept his answers as concise as possible. You weren’t exactly talkative, but when the two of you talked to each other alone, especially in the past few years, Namjoon began coming out of his shell. When he wasn’t guarded and quiet, he was warm and funny, almost loving in his own kind of way. You got the feeling he was naturally full of love, but had pushed that part of himself down in the years he’d spent alone and in shelters.

Now, you were giving Namjoon a haircut. His hair grew weirdly fast, and there were rules about keeping everything, including hair, perfectly in uniform. Men had to have very short hair and be clean-shaven, which meant Namjoon had to get a haircut basically every other week.

When it was warm you did this outside, but now it was winter and you were in the locker room. While you worked, you talked about upcoming tests and other little things. You kept catching Namjoon looking up at you as you stood in front of him, between his spread legs, and he seemed to be getting bolder, watching your face outright instead of just stealing glances.

“Close your eyes and tilt your head back,” you mumbled, trying to hide the fact you were blushing and flustered. Namjoon listened without a word, and you let yourself look at him for just a second; your faces were close, even with him sitting and you standing, because of how tall he was. You’d been obsessed with his lips lately, finding yourself fantasizing about them at the most inopportune times, thinking about how soft and full they looked and wondering what they’d feel like against your own.

Before you could pull yourself from your thoughts and start on the front of his hair, the power suddenly cut out.

You let out a small gasp, but this wasn’t exactly surprising around here. The power went out often because of the testing they were doing with switching over completely to alien tech for larger power structures. Still, you’d gasped in surprise because you’d been so focused on Namjoon’s face, and now the two of you were alone together in a dark locker room.

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asked, his hands coming up to rest on your hips.

Of course you were okay; the lights had just gone off.

“Yeah,” you answered anyway. You moved your hands from over his head to his shoulders, feeling him in the dark.

“It’ll be back on in a second, we’re okay,” he said, his thumbs moving slightly, like he was trying to comfort you.

“I know,” you said, your voice sounding small. You weren’t afraid at all, but you didn’t want him to stop what he was doing.

The lights came back on then, and you looked down at him. Namjoon smiled up at you, dimples on full display, and it nearly took your breath away. He had a little piece of cut hair on his cheek, which you gently brushed away, and he wrinkled his nose at you, making your heart ache.

You finished giving him his haircut, and afterwards he pulled off his shirt and went over to one of the showers, to wash off the pieces of hair you’d cut. You gathered up the electric razor and your other belongings while you heard him undressing behind you, turning on the shower and humming happily to himself.

You stopped yourself from looking at him as you walked out of the room and went back to the barracks, refusing to let yourself think about him showering or the way he’d looked at you.

VI.

Your last year of training was mostly just the two of you working together and with various superior officers. You’d get promotions and rank changes after some time in the field, but you’d start out as Senior Airmen, and would probably both make Staff Sergeant within a few years of graduating. There were no wars or active duty anymore, but it meant you’d both be given leadership positions, if ever the need arose.

After graduation, you and Namjoon would both receive your assignments and placements. You’d both requested to be placed together, without requesting anything else. You could be sent anywhere in the world, given any position; you didn’t care where you ended up though, as long as you were with him.

Since it was your last year, you were both given proper rooms instead of barracks. The rooms were small and minimal, but your room was right across from Namjoon’s. You spent a lot of time in each other’s rooms, even sometimes sleeping over.

Now, you laid on Namjoon’s bed in his room, while he sat at the chair by his desk with his feet propped up on the end of his bed. He was playing with a stress ball, passing it back and forth between his hands. You’d finished all your testing and training, so you were both basically just resting until graduation, anticipating your placements. It was late at night, the rest of the base quiet and sleeping.

“Dream placement,” you said, turning your head and pointing at him. “Go.”

“Oh, man…” Namjoon rolled his head back, looking at the ceiling. “Southern California.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “What’s in Southern California, besides desert?”

“That’s the closest base to where the first ship went down. They’ve got the best tech out there, the best planes.”

“Okay, true,” you sighed. “But there’s nothing out there for miles. There’d be nothing to do.”

“What else is there, besides flying?” Namjoon threw the little ball he was playing with gently so it bounced off the wall beside you and landed on your stomach.

“I like flying and being able to see something besides sand, rock, and craters for hundreds of miles,” you said, tossing the ball back to him.

“You feel like you’re going faster if you don’t have anything to look at,” he said, catching the ball with one hand and tossing it behind him onto his desk.

“You also get lost easier,” you laughed, propping yourself up on your elbows.

“Not if you’re a good navigator,” Namjoon laughed too, standing up and moving onto the bed with you. He wasn’t exactly tickling you, but he was touching your body and you were both giggling as he laid down beside you.

“If you want to feel like you’re going fast, then just go fast,” you said, your hands on his shoulders now as you grinned up at him. He was partially on top of you, partially beside you as he smiled down at you, his mouth so close to yours.

“I want to go even faster,” he said, but he stilled suddenly, looking down at you with wide eyes. He seemed to have suddenly realized the position the two of you were in, and he moved so that he was just beside you, laying on his side as you laid on your back.

You sighed. It was always like this — not that you were complaining, because you loved the relationship you already had with him. But lately, you’d get so close, almost kissing, almost embracing, almost something, and then he’d back off. You still loved the moments before, where you could forget that you were just friends and pretend you were something more, as much as it ended up hurting your heart in the long run.

Even now, you loved this. Namjoon propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at you as you continued talking, a different topic now. Your mouths were only a few inches apart. It would be so easy for him to just lean down and kiss you, like you wanted him to so badly.

Namjoon’s hand that wasn’t supporting his head rested on your stomach. You put your hands there too, playing with him, feeling his long fingers and how big his hand was, and Namjoon let you, pretending not to notice.

You talked about graduation plans, life plans, little nothings that made each other sadly smile. Neither of you said it, but you both worried you wouldn’t be placed together.

“What’s your dream placement?” he asked you gently, his voice soft.

“You know, I don’t even care,” you said. Because it didn’t matter where they put you as long as you were with him, but you didn’t say that.

That night the two of you fell asleep like that, in that position. It wasn’t the first time.

VII.

When you woke up, you could feel Namjoon’s gentle breathing on your neck. You turned your head and looked at him, studying his expression in the early morning calm.

He was still on his side facing you, so now you were face-to-face, your foreheads and noses only a few inches apart. His hand still rested on your stomach, and you still held his hand there with both of your hands. You felt his fingers twitch a little in his sleep and wondered what he was dreaming about. His other arm was under the pillow now, and through it you could almost feel the swell of his bicep and warmth of his skin.

You only ever let yourself really look at him like this when he was sleeping, when the two of you had sleepovers in each other’s rooms. You studied the shape of his nose, the way his big, plush lips parted, the puffiness of his cheeks as he relaxed and breathed, every freckle and mole on his face that you wanted to kiss so badly. Cuddled up with him like this, you could feel how warm he was; Namjoon was a furnace of a man, and you’d gotten so used to sharing a bed with him the past few months, you now had to layer up and sleep with an extra blanket whenever you slept alone.

Namjoon sighed then, shifting a little in his sleep. You quickly closed your eyes and turned your head back so you weren’t facing him directly, in case he opened his eyes.

You felt him moving, shifting so that his arm was hugging you instead of his hand just resting on you. His hand was now on your side, below your armpit, his thumb on the side of your breast. He sighed and seemed to fall back asleep, softly snoring again after a few moments.

You laid like that for a while, enjoying this feeling, knowing you’d never have this for real. You'd never wake up next to Namjoon in the context you wanted, but this was more than enough for you. You were so in love with him, but he didn’t see you the same way, so you’d enjoy waking up in his arms for as long as you could.

When Namjoon eventually woke up on his own, he seemed to slowly realize the position you were in, moving his hand down carefully to more platonic territory. You opened your eyes and turned your head to look at him, and were caught off guard by the way he was staring at you so openly, looking down at your mouth for a few moments before looking back at your eyes with an expression you couldn’t name.

“Y/N,” he murmured, so softly you could barely hear him, but you could feel the rumble of it in his chest. You didn’t say anything, both of you just looking at each other in the peaceful quiet stillness of early morning, the only noises both of your gentle breathing.

Namjoon moved his hand up to your shoulder, and then his hand was cupping your cheek, brushing your hair back from your face. The tips of your noses were almost touching, his warm breath on your lips. He closed his eyes and put his forehead against yours, your heart almost stopping in your chest from how close he was. He’s never done anything like this before, and you definitely were not going to stop him.

He turned his head slightly, your foreheads still connected as the tip of his nose skimmed along your cheek, by your nose. He brushed his lips against yours so lightly you could barely feel him, his eyes still closed. You could feel his eyelashes tickling your cheek, and prayed he couldn’t feel how fast your heart was racing or how you nearly whimpered at his every touch.

Namjoon moved and brushed his barely parted lips against the corner of your mouth, your chin, your jaw. His hand on your cheek, he stroked your skin with his thumb slowly, touching you, feeling you. His leg moved up slowly, hooking over yours, and you spread your legs for him. You couldn’t even think straight right now, the only things your brain were processing were the touches and sensations Namjoon was giving you.

What the hell was he doing? The thought of him seeing you romantically, the same way you saw him, had seemed so impossible before now, but now, as he brushed his lips against your skin, you wondered if he’d been longing the same way you had.

Namjoon turned your head carefully, slightly away from him, so that you were looking directly up again. He kissed your cheek closer to him while he stroked the other, pressing gentle open-mouthed kisses down your face and neck as he slowly moved himself on top of you. You, matching his slow movements, wrapped your legs loosely around him and held onto his shoulders.

Namjoon kissed your skin as lightly as he could, feeling you anywhere you’d let him, and you were lost in him. He switched to your other side, kissing your collarbone and neck and jaw, and one of his hands moved up behind your head, tangling in your hair. Every movement was slow and deliberate and gentle.

You never would’ve guessed Namjoon was the gentle type, but now that this was happening, it made sense and you craved it. He closed his lips lightly against your earlobe and you gasped loudly, trying to arch up against him.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured against your ear. “So soft, so perfect, my angel, my love.” His voice was so warm and deep, and you quietly whimpered, holding onto his shoulders even tighter. You felt like he could make you come just from this, just from his light touches and hearing his deep voice praise you. You'd wanted him so badly for years now, you’d dreamed about him, fantasized nonstop, and now here he was, and the tension was already building up for you.

He hadn’t even fully kissed your mouth yet. Namjoon pressed his lips against your cheek, caressing the other side of your face with his hand, just holding your body so close to his. You swore you could die right now and be fine with that.

An alarm suddenly blared, and both of your bodies stilled and tensed.

Namjoon jumped off of you and sat back on his legs, looking around the room like he was expecting to see what was happening written on the walls. You sat up too, looking around. Your legs were still spread, your brain still hazy from Namjoon’s kisses, and you looked at him as you saw him working through what was happening.

“Something’s wrong,” Namjoon said, quickly jumping up. He sat back down on the side of his bed long enough to put on his shoes. “Come on,” he said, pulling you up when he stood again.

You snapped yourself out of your lust-haze. The alarm was still going off, which meant something major was happening right now. It wasn’t just a test.

You left, quickly scampering across the hall to your own room so you could get dressed.

You and Namjoon met up in between your rooms a moment later, both in uniform, and ran down together to where the rest of the base had gathered, Namjoon taking your hand in his as you ran.

VIII.

It was another attack, like when you were young.

You all stood there at attention receiving orders, none of you looking anywhere except forward blankly. This was it, everything you had trained for, the exact reason you’d trained so hard. They were back.

You and Namjoon were both assigned as squadron leaders to two different units, Namjoon to Red One and you to Blue One. Those were two of the best, most elite units of fighter jets, but you looked over at him when you got your assignments. You weren’t together, so you wouldn’t know if he was okay until after it was all over.

You were all dismissed and had fifteen minutes to get to your planes and prepare for launch. You went straight to your plane, not stopping to talk to Namjoon. You knew you wouldn’t be able to leave him once you looked at him, so it was better to just pretend this morning hadn’t happened.

You were just starting to climb the ladder up to your plane when you heard his voice.

“Not saying goodbye?”

You froze in your tracks, but didn’t turn or look at him. You couldn’t make yourself say anything, instead just staring straight in front of you with your hands on the rungs of the ladder.

“Y/N,” he said, his voice much softer now as he walked over to you. The planes were close together so you were in tight quarters, and he stood right behind you, his hands not quite touching your sides.

“What?” you said, not looking back at him.

“Please don’t leave without saying goodbye,” he said. You'd never heard his voice like this. Quiet, pleading, loving. It was like this morning in bed, but more desperate, yearning, begging you to look at him.

You started to move up the ladder without turning around, and he put his hands on your hips, stopping you. He immediately let go, not wanting to trap you there.

You sighed and turned around to face him, only partially, still a step up on the ladder so you were just slightly taller than him. You reached back and held onto the ladder with one hand as you looked at him.

When you saw the expression on his face, it took your breath away. He looked almost tearful, sick with worry, trying to be stronger than how he obviously felt.

“Goodbye,” you said softly, bringing your free hand up to his cheek.

He stood there for a moment, just looking at you. You stroked his cheek with your thumb and tried to smile weakly. His hair was getting a little long, you noticed then for some reason. He was supposed to keep it short to stay in uniform, but now it looked long enough for you to run your fingers through.

Namjoon’s eyes were wide and innocent, searching your face. Around you, the base was chaotic and busy as other pilots ran to their planes and officers barked out orders and engines started up. The two of you just stood there in your quiet moment, both a lot less excited about your first mission than you’d thought you’d be, everything happening so much sooner then you’d both thought and on such a larger scale than you ever could have anticipated. You remembered almost wanting this when you were young, promising yourself that you’d be ready if they ever came back. Maybe the universe was punishing you; whenever you loved someone, the universe immediately sought to take it from you. Your family when you were young, and now Namjoon.

He looked like he wanted to kiss you or tell you something. He parted his lips and glanced at your mouth, his brow furrowing as he breathed, and he looked back up at your eyes, his expression so worried.

“I’ll see you soon,” you said, smiling gently.

You turned and climbed up into your plane without another word.

V.

There had been twenty pilots in your squadron when you left, and four when you returned.

You didn’t really remember the aliens from when you were little, but you’d seen countless videos. You knew what they looked like, how they performed, what their technology was supposed to be like, what their weaknesses had been.

You saw so many planes go down. The alien ship had a different defense than last time, and the fight was only over when the alien ship suddenly left and moved on, seemingly just because it wanted to, not because the humans posed any kind of threat to it. When it left, it had taken out an entire city, just like last time. The town near the base had only recently gotten its infrastructure set up.

You and your three surviving pilots returned first out of all the other squadrons. You quickly climbed out of your plane and ran down to the hangar, asking about the other pilots still out there. You needed to know if Namjoon was okay.

Before you even got to the hangar, another alarm started blaring. A plane near you exploded, and you spun around, looking up at the sky.

There had to be over a hundred alien ships in the sky, all firing on the base and the planes.

“Get inside, now!” you yelled, pointing at the pilots from your squadron who’d ducked down near their planes. You knew the base had a bunker, and the number of people at the base now could easily survive down there long-term.

There was panic as people got down there as fast as they could, all climbing over each other and yelling. You stayed back where you could see the sky, ducking down in a safe spot and watching as long as you could. You only saw alien ships, none of your own.

You imagined Namjoon’s last seconds. If he hadn’t made it back to the base, there was no way he’d survive. The ships would find him. You could only see the planes you’d seen exploding earlier, hear the voices of the pilots in your squadron on your coms as their ships exploded. A cut-off shout, and then nothing.

You finally made yourself run down to the bunker. In the distance, you could hear the ships destroying every visible part of the base, every last truck and car and plane and tank exploding as the blasts hit them. The walls shook and lights flickered and dust fell from the ceiling as you made your way down the stairwell to the bunker.

Over the destruction above you, you could hear Namjoon’s voice that morning in his bed, the world frozen around you then, the only things that mattered his large, gentle hands, his slow, exploring mouth, and his soft voice.

“You’re so beautiful,” he’d breathed against your neck. You'd been able to feel his smile, the tip of his nose tracing your jaw, the warmth of his breath on your skin. You'd never felt safer than when you were laying in bed with him.

You pushed the door of the bunker shut behind you, your hands shaking and eyes welling up. You could not think about this; you had to push all of that aside for now. You had a job to do.

After about five minutes down in the bunker, the lights went out. The weak backup generator kicked on near-immediately, but now there was no connection to the outside world. If any pilots managed to survive this long, the base wouldn’t know about it or have any way of contacting them.

When you’d taken off, both you and Namjoon had been promoted to captains, to lead your squadrons. Once all of the remaining people at the base were down in the bunker and accounted for, you were promoted again, this time to major.

Almost everyone out of the thousand or so people on the base had gone out to fight. The only people who’d stayed behind were ground control officers, technicians, first years, civilians who worked on the base, and the top few people in charge. There were maybe a few hundred people down in the massive bunker now, and you ranked sixth in command out of all of them.

Namjoon would’ve been so jealous you outranked him, you thought with a small smile.

VI.

Four days passed with no news.

There was no service. There was no internet, radio, or any connection to the outside world.

You were itching to get out. There was no news from the outside world, but there also hadn’t been any explosions since the first day. The alien ships had to be gone by now. On the second day, you’d tried to suggest to the general that you could go up to the surface and see if an evacuation could be planned, but the general and other officers had all said that there was no need to evacuate, because there were plenty of supplies down here. They would continue to work on regaining communications with other bases, and nothing else immediately mattered until then.

Now, you were on your cot, staring at the ceiling above you. It was the middle of the night and just about everyone else was asleep. Most people slept on cots in what looked like an old gym, all lined up in long rows. Everyone had been given two changes of clothes, all gray jumpsuits. You felt like you were in prison.

The scratchy wool blanket was pulled up to your neck. You tried to imagine sharing the cot with Namjoon, the two of you squeezed onto the spot only meant for one and giggling when you just barely fit. You imagined him spooning you, kissing your neck and shoulder and holding you close to him. You imagined feeling his heartbeat in his chest. You imagined his face when his plane exploded.

It wasn’t fair. You’d literally just become something more than friends, maybe, kind of. Your relationship with Namjoon meant everything to you, and it had suddenly been changing in such amazing ways, and then he’d immediately been taken from you.

You refused to cry about this. You refused to even accept he was gone. There were ways he could’ve survived. There had to be. He could’ve flown low and ejected and hidden in the rubble of the city. Except he wasn’t a coward; you knew him, and you knew he was the type to win or die fighting. He could’ve led other survivors away from the city. Except there was no way these planes could’ve outrun the alien ships. They weren’t fast enough.

There had to be a way. You had to get up to the surface and find out. You had to find him.

VII.

After one week down in the bunker, you felt like you were going out of your mind.

You had a plan. You were going to go to the surface whether they let you or not. You were going to find Namjoon, or at least the remains of his plane. You were going to find him or find closure.

You needed climbing gear to get up the destroyed stairwell. You’d need to find rope and gear, a lot of water, and survival supplies. You began your plan, looking around for spare supplies nobody would notice was missing until you were gone. You knew where to find rope, but you had to figure out how to acquire and carry enough water. Plus you would need to bring medical supplies, in case Namjoon was injured. God, you could just imagine him, laying somewhere, bleeding out and barely conscious. You wondered if he’d thought of you, imagined you coming to save him.

You were seconds away from stealing rope from a supply closet when a short little man walked around the corner.

“Major?”

You froze in place. You weren’t in the room yet; you were innocent.

“Yes?” you said, smiling politely.

“The general wants to see you,” he said, and left without adding anything else.

Shit. How had they known? You hadn’t done anything yet, or told anyone or written anything down.

You made your way to the command center. Not much was going on there in the way of commanding anything, but it was where the higher ups — which now included you — met, and it was where they were attempting to reestablish communications with the outside world.

The room was busy with officers buzzing around. There were a lot of exposed wires hanging out of the walls. It looked like they were rebuilding a computer system circa 1970.

“Major,” the general said, motioning you over.

“Yes, sir?”

“You’re the highest ranking field officer, so this goes to you first,” he said, handing you a manila folder. “We’ve established communication with a base a hundred and fifty miles from here, but only briefly. They said they have seven survivors from our base. They didn’t say who.” The general quickly added the last part when he saw your face light up at the mention of survivors.

You glanced down at the folder. Before you could speak, the general continued.

“We need someone — a pilot — to go up to the surface and see if any planes are still intact, and if so, fly to Walker Base. If there aren’t any planes left, we’ll probably have you try to find a car, or hike if you have to. We need to get our relay codes to that base, and once we do, we’ll have full communication with them again. You up for it?”

You looked up at the general, smiling.

VIII.

It took you about an hour to climb the staircase. Most of it was rubble and a lot of it involved throwing up a rope and securing it on something to climb the huge gaps where the stairs had fallen out, but you eventually got to the top, pushing aside debris to get yourself outside.

The base was gone. There was no way any planes survived this. Still, you walked out onto the strip, just in case.

Some of the piles of charred metal were still smoking. A few small fires were still going, most of them out in the lot, where jet fuel must still be feeding them. You tried to see if you could spot where your and Namjoon’s rooms used to be, but it was all just rubble, ash, and charred cinderblocks.

You walked down the landing strip, looking at the piles of scorched plane parts, blasted to nothing. Pieces of metal jutted up, a plane wing here, a part of engine there. Every pile you saw, you imagined seeing Namjoon’s body among them. You knew if he was dead, he wouldn’t be here, he’d be out in the city — but seeing all of the destroyed planes wasn’t helping.

You stopped in your tracks.

At the end of the landing strip, under a broken wing of a much larger plane, was the most beautiful F-15 Eagle you had ever seen.

You ran to it, climbing on it when you reached it and pushing aside the wing of the bigger plane until it clamored to the ground. You climbed into the cockpit, dropping your backpack with supplies and the relay codes into the little compartment, feeling nearly dizzy in euphoria. You prepped the jet for takeoff, everything going smoothly, and you imagined Namjoon’s face when you showed up at the base. He’d be so happy to see you, but so surprised, and when you told him that you got promoted to major–

You stopped for a moment, your smile falling as you stared blankly at your hands on the switches and dials.

You didn’t know if he was one of the survivors at the other base. You shouldn’t get your hopes up just to show up and find out he wasn’t one of the pilots who made it. For all you knew, you’d get there and one of the pilots from Namjoon’s squadron would tell you all about how he died.

You focused on the task in front of you. You were on a mission, first and foremost, to get the relay codes to the base. That was the important thing right now, not yourself or Namjoon.

You got the plane prepped and ready to go. The center of the runway was clear, since most of the planes had been gone.

F-15s were always your favorite.

IX.

You didn’t attract any alien attention while flying, thankfully. You got there in just over twenty minutes; around the fifteen minute mark, you slowed down and the base contacted you on your descent into their airspace. You had to identify yourself and state your intentions, but the base seemed completely willing to let anyone human land.

When you landed, a few people ran out and took care of your plane for you, as you were escorted inside. You handed over the relay codes and quickly asked if you could see the survivors from your base.

“Most of them were pretty shell-shocked when they got here, but they’re soldiers. They know how it is,” the officer escorting you said as the two of you walked. “How many survivors at your base?”

“Three hundred and forty-two,” you said flatly, staring straight in front of you as you walked. “We had four pilots including myself return, the rest were non-flight officers and civilians. No casualties on the ground, but the base was destroyed in an aerial attack shortly after we landed.”

“Yeah, we heard about that. That’s why we got your other pilots,” the guy said, motioning in front of him in the direction you were walking, assumedly at the surviving pilots. “They didn’t have anywhere to land and thought the base was gone, so they came here. All from different squadrons, but led by one captain.”

You perked up when you heard that. A captain had survived.

You really did try not to get your hopes up. Your base was huge; there were so many squadrons, only one captain surviving was not good news for Namjoon. Still, you were hopeful.

You were led to a barrack where a few pilots were sitting around together, all men looking bored out of their minds. You recognized Park from your training class, and a few others as well. You scanned their faces quickly, looking from person to person, desperately searching for him, frantic and anxious and despairing when you looked and didn’t see him–

“Y/N?” a voice said from behind you, and you spun around.

Namjoon had walked in behind you from the other direction; he looked like he’d just taken a shower, from the wet hair, clean clothes, and bag over his shoulder, which he dropped as he stared at you in disbelief.

Neither of you even said anything. You were only about ten feet apart already, but you immediately met in the middle, desperately grabbing at each other, hugging tightly. Your legs were up around his waist and he held you to him as he kissed all over your face. The room was spinning or maybe Namjoon was just spinning you around, you didn’t care, you just held onto him and tried to kiss him, one hand in his hair and the other arm around his shoulder, trying to pull him closer.

As much as you wanted and tried to kiss him, Namjoon was just too much; it was like he was trying to kiss every last millimeter of your face at least twice. He was holding you so tight you almost couldn’t breathe, but you didn’t even care. His skin, his hair, his mouth, his kisses were all the most amazing things you’d ever felt. You were pressed chest-to-chest, arms wrapped around each other, and you could almost feel his heartbeat pumping along with your own.

Namjoon stopped kissing you long enough to nuzzle against you, closing his eyes as he rubbed his cheek against yours, nearly animalistic.

“I missed you so much, my love,” he breathed. You swore his face was wet with tears, his cheek still pressed against your own. “I haven’t thought about anything other than you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you this whole time, I love you so much… god, fuck, when I thought I’d lost you…” He started kissing your cheek again desperately, his hand coming up to hold your other cheek and hold you in place.

“I missed you too,” you gasped, your voice small and high-pitched as you tried and failed to hold in your tears.

“I love you so much, sweetheart. I love you, I love you, I love you,” he kept repeating, not even stopping speaking as he kissed you, so some of his words were muffled.

“I love you, too, Joon,” you managed to say before he kissed your mouth, tilting his head to kiss you so deeply it took your breath away.

“Okay, Jesus Christ,” somebody else in the room said then. “Do you guys want us to, like, leave or something?”

Namjoon stopped, catching his breath as you turned your head to look back at the six other pilots and the officer all awkwardly watching you.

“Uh, sorry,” you muttered, putting your feet back on the ground and turning around. Namjoon kept touching you, not taking his hands off you, even as you faced the others.

“I know you both outrank us, but get a room,” a different pilot laughed, his smile boxy and voice deep.

“You have a room, actually,” the officer that led you in said, perking up like that was his cue.

“We do?” Namjoon asked, confused. He stood behind you, hands on your hips, tall enough to see over your head.

“She does,” the officer gestured to you. “She’s a major. All superior officers class O4 and up get their own private room.”

“Major?” Namjoon said, tilting a little to look at your face. You smiled to yourself smugly.

“I can take you there now,” the officer said, motioning to the door behind him.

Namjoon stepped to the side and looked down at the ground shyly, glancing up at you and pouting. You wanted to roll your eyes; he actually thought you weren’t going to invite him to come with you.

“You too,” you said, holding out your hand for him.

Namjoon beamed, and quickly picked up his bag and jogged over to what must be his bed, grabbing the few belongings he had, and shuffled back over to your side, taking your hand and kissing you on the cheek before following along with you.

“Go get it, captain,” one of the pilots jeered at him, the others all snickering and wolf-whistling as Namjoon dropped your hand long enough to flip all the other pilots off while the officer led the two of you out and down the hallway.

As soon as the door was shut behind you in your room, the officer gone and the two of you alone, Namjoon dropped his belongings and picked you up again, your legs tight around him, the two of you kissing again. You felt your back against the cold metal of the old-fashioned blast door, one of Namjoon’s hands holding your face.

“How’d you get here?” he murmured against your neck after a moment, kissing your cheek between gasps. “They said the base was destroyed, no contact.”

“The attack happened right after I landed. Everyone got down in the bunker, no casualties on the ground,” you gasped, still a little short on breath. As you spoke, Namjoon kissed your neck, working his way up to your jaw. “They needed a pilot to bring relay codes here.”

“What’s this about you being a major now?” he said, smirking, his lips not leaving your cheek.

“Got an upgrade while you were gone,” you said, and then you gasped, laughing as Namjoon suddenly sucked your skin over your pulse on your neck, leaving behind a deep purple hickey.

“Well, Miss Major, that means you outrank me now,” he said, leaning back enough to smile at you, his expression a mix of mischievous and proud.

He stepped backward then, still supporting you with his arms, and walked back until he got to the bed, sitting down on it. He laid back, pulling you down on top of him gently, your mouths connected the whole way down.

He was the best thing you’d ever felt, his large, firm body contrasting his gentle touches and kisses. You couldn’t get close enough to him, but it was slow, lazy, loving, everything you’d ever wanted with him, his soft tongue in your mouth, his firm arms around you, his warm body under you.

You couldn’t get over how good he smelled. There was the soap he’d just used, but you’d known him and been close to him long enough to know his scent. He tasted so good too; he swirled his tongue with yours slowly, tracing lazy patterns on your tongue, kissing you so deeply your head spun. His hands rested on your back, his fingers spreading wider as he tried to touch more of you.

You parted for air as he rolled you both, holding your body to his with one hand as he pulled you up the bed, resting your head on the pillow as he gently laid you down. Even though you would’ve only fallen a few inches and the bed was soft, he set you down like you were made of glass, looking down at you with love and hearts in his eyes, not breaking eye contact as he gave you a small, warm smile.

His dark hair was mussed up a little from you running your fingers through it, and it looked fantastic on him. His face was flushed and his parted lips were red and a little swollen, and he looked like he’d been crying, or was about to cry, or both.

You pulled him down to you and kissed him again. He set his body against yours, lining himself up with you as you wrapped your legs around him. You were both still fully clothed, but you could feel him, pressed perfectly against you from your collars to his growing erection and your throbbing core.

“I love you,” he groaned against your neck, grinding slowly against you. “I’ve loved you for so long, I wanted to die when I thought something happened to you and I never told you. I promise I’m going to tell you now, every single day, every time I see you, every time we make love, every second of every day–” He cut himself off by kissing your neck desperately, moving down toward your breast.

“I love you, my angel. You’re the most beautiful thing in the world, I love you so much,” he said, kissing along your skin frantically by the collar of your ugly flight jumpsuit. “You’re my best friend, and I love you, I love you, I love you,” he said, kissing up the center of your chest toward your clavicle. His messy hair tickled your chin, and you rested one of your hands on the back of his head as he worked, gently stroking his hair.

“I love you too,” you managed to say, though words weren’t really coming to you right now, with all Namjoon was doing to you.

Namjoon got up then, and you watched for a moment as he started quickly stripping off his clothes. You sat up too, pulling off your jumpsuit, and Namjoon got all but his boxers off before your arms were even out. He helped you, running his hands along your skin as you peeled off the jumpsuit, leaving you in just the undershirt and shorts you’d had on underneath.

There was a moment where the two of you just sat there looking at each other. You’d both seen each other in this context — nearly naked — before, from sleeping in the same room to swimming to other random things you’d done together over the years, but this was the first time it was ever like this.

Namjoon raised his hands slowly, his fingers just barely skimming against your hips. His eyes were on your breasts, his mouth nearly watering, and you smiled at that. He looked up at you, his eyes innocent and showing every emotion he had within him; he was asking for permission.

You brought your hand up to his face and kissed him slowly, savoring every movement of his lips, the feel of his tongue, the taste of him. His hands went to your thighs and helped you wrap your legs around him, and then you were laying down again, Namjoon on top of you.

He kissed down your chest, this time simultaneously running one of his hands up your stomach under your thin undershirt. He cupped your breast with that hand, feeling you fully, while his mouth kissed back up to your neck. He got your undershirt off without either of you having to get up, though he did have to lean back a little to give you room to wiggle around, and then he unhooked your bra and threw that and your undershirt somewhere behind him.

Namjoon swirled his tongue around one of your nipples, gently squeezing your other breast with his hand, your peaked nipple hard against his palm. He rolled one nipple between his thumb and forefinger slowly while sucking the other, just barely using teeth and making you gasp, and then he switched sides, doing the same thing again.

“That feels so good, Joonie,” you sighed, closing your eyes and smiling to yourself. You stroked his hair while he worked, closing your eyes and tilting your head back. Every moment or so, you’d let out a moan for him, tightening your fingers in his hair whenever he did something that made you see stars, and he’d hum back to you, responding without taking his mouth off you.

Namjoon moved down your abdomen, kissing every rib, every freckle, every last inch of your skin. He dipped his tongue into your belly button and you gasped and giggled, feeling his grin against your skin as he kissed down your navel, his tongue tracing along the edge of the little shorts you still had on.

You reached down and tried to pull off your shorts, but Namjoon’s hands replaced your own, slowly pulling just your shorts off and leaving your panties. He tossed your shorts the same direction he’d tossed your bra, and then looked down at you, sitting back on his legs. Your legs were spread wide, your soaked panties the only thing covering you, your eyes desperate for him, your breasts rising and falling as your breath quickened in anticipation and need for him.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, his expression almost dazed in love and adoration. He looked like he didn’t know where to look, his eyes scanning your face, your breasts, your spread thighs, the spot on your panties where you were already wet and soaking for him. You bit your lip and whimpered, and he closed his eyes, sighing and smiling to himself, like he couldn’t believe how lucky he was.

Namjoon bent over and kissed your ankle, slowly, chastely. He moved to the other side and repeated that, kissing your anklebone. He moved up your calf, staying on that side, kissing you over and over and moving so slowly you started to whine for him, begging him to go faster and reaching down for him. He reached up and took one of your hands, holding it and lacing your fingers together as he continued what he was doing, not at all speeding up.

He kissed your knee, the side of it, the front of it, and tilting your leg gently to kiss the back of it. He moved up, kissing your inner thigh while still holding your hand. You spread your legs further for him, whimpering and squeezing his hand as he got closer and closer to your center.

Namjoon pulled back then, a smug smile on his face as he started moving down to kiss his way up your other leg, starting again at your ankle. You let out a whiney moan, pulling his hand and looking down at him, pleading.

“Okay, sweetheart. I’m sorry,” he said gently, moving back to where you wanted him most.

He kissed you right over your panties, a deep, open-mouthed kiss that made you cry out. You could feel him breathing hard through his nose, smelling and inhaling you as he moved his mouth against you, letting go of your hand so he could hold your thighs with both his large, perfect hands.

He licked and sucked the fabric of your panties, tasting where you were soaked for him. It was the most amazing thing you’d ever felt, and you spread your legs even further for him, your hands holding onto the sheets of the bed, your knuckles turning white.

You gasped when you felt teeth, and then Namjoon was slowly pulling your panties down your legs with his mouth, looking up at you with playful eyes and a smirk. You wanted to roll your eyes at him, but instead just closed your legs enough for him to get your panties off of you, letting him have his fun. He let out a small growl at you, your panties still in his mouth, and you giggled, a soft noise that made his eyes light up.

Before you could think or do anything, Namjoon was back between your legs, spreading you open with his fingers and licking a slow, thick line up your folds to your clit.

You cried out, your head falling back and eyes squeezing closed. Namjoon repeated the motion, even slower this time, moaning a little too as he let the tip of his tongue enter you for just a moment. You whined, pulling his hair hard and trying to spread your legs even further, and Namjoon stopped, humming softly as he turned his head and kissed your thigh.

“I love you so fucking much,” Namjoon murmured against your skin, kissing you there again. “Your pussy’s so pretty, my love. So soft and wet for me.”

“Joonie,” you sighed, stroking his hair. You could feel his smile against your thigh, and it made you smile, too. You felt warm, like you were glowing from his love.

Namjoon turned his head back and dipped his tongue into you again, this time further, like he was trying to see how far he could go. His lips sucked at your entrance as his tongue flicked in and out, not fast enough to get you off, but not slow, either. He moved his tongue like he was trying to drink you, lapping you up, bringing your wetness into his mouth and down his throat.

You moaned loudly for him, pulling his face harder against you by his hair, and he reached up and grabbed one of your hands, lacing his fingers with yours over one of your thighs.

He moved his mouth up to your clit, drawing random shapes over it with the tip of his tongue lazily while he curled two fingers into you. He moved clumsily, like he wasn’t exactly sure of what he was doing but just wanted to make you feel good, and what he was doing was definitely working. What he lacked in experience he more than made up for in eagerness and love, and when he moaned around your clit, and you nearly screamed.

“Jesus Christ, Joon, fuck. God, your mouth is… mmm, god, you’re so fucking good, that feels so good, Joonie, Joonie–” You cut yourself off with a long, agonized cry as Namjoon sucked your clit into his mouth hard, swirling his tongue around it as he suctioned his mouth and moved his fingers inside you faster. You repeated a chorus of nothing but his name between breathy moans as you held onto his hair with your free hand, your other hand squeezing his.

You gasped when you came, your whole body tensing as you saw stars and every nerve in your body exploded in pleasure. Your mouth hung open in a silent scream as you failed to breathe, your lungs tightening and your orgasm only building and building as Namjoon kept moving his tongue and fingers. You felt like you were floating in space, millions of stars around you all bursting at once, the entire universe stopping for you and Namjoon and the love you felt for each other.

After a moment, you took in a shaky breath, trying to recover while your mind was still mush. Namjoon was still moving his mouth on you, now licking up your wetness at your entrance and moaning to himself at the taste. If he kept that up, you were going to come again, and soon.

You moaned, pulling on his hair enough for him to look up at you, not stopping what his mouth was doing. You pleaded with your eyes, whimpering and pulling his hair again, and he put his lips to your entrance one last time, this time spreading his lips as wide as possible and sucking as he slowly closed his mouth. You gasped and almost screamed at the sensation of him actually drinking you, desperate to taste you.

Your second orgasm was smaller, making you shudder and gasp for just a moment before steadily breathing deeply as you tried to recover again. You looked down at him, barely able to lift your head; Namjoon was kissing your thigh, your hips, pressing gentle kisses to your skin as he slowly worked his way up your stomach. You could see how hard he was, his precum glistening on the head of his cock as it bounced against his stomach with his movements.

You started to reach down to grasp him, but he gently stopped you, bringing your hand back up by your head and lacing his fingers with yours. He kissed your collarbone, leaving a trail of wet kiss spots all over your body, your own wetness in the shape of his lips and chin.

“Please, Joonie,” you hummed, and he came back to you, kissing your lips slowly and letting you taste yourself on him. You wrapped your legs around him tightly as he lined himself up with your entrance, moaning when you felt the head of his cock against your folds, gasping when he started slowly sliding into you, every amazing inch of him filling and stretching you.

Namjoon buried his face in your neck, the length of his nose pressed against the curve of your jaw. He turned his head enough to kiss your neck, feeling your rapid, heavy pulse with his lips.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured against your neck, not opening his eyes. “So fucking tight and wet for me, my angel, my princess, my heart, my love. I love you so fucking much.” He kissed your neck again gently before pushing all the way into you and bottoming out, the stretch so wonderfully tight and full. You cried out, spreading your legs further and higher for him, grabbing at his shoulders, scraping your fingernails down his back as he filled you up so completely.

Namjoon pulled out slowly and then pushed in again, rocking into you. You were desperate, nearly delirious and just about ready to cry if he didn’t start moving faster. He seemed to just barely be holding on by a thread, his own orgasm already one sudden movement away from overwhelming him.

“God, Jesus Christ, Joon, fuck,” you cried, close to actually in tears now. You started to say something else but it turned into a small whimper as he thrust into you again, hard.

“I love you,” he groaned against your neck, “I love you so much, Y/N…” Your name turned into a long moan as he began his slow, torturous pace, both of you so close to the edge already. You didn’t know how he was possibly going so slow still, other than the fact he must want to torture you.

“Go faster, please,” you cried out, holding onto his shoulders as tight as you could and digging in your fingernails. “I need you so bad, Joonie. God, fuck me, please…”

“I love you, angel,” he said, kissing your shoulder. He picked up the pace a little, but it wasn’t enough. “I love you, baby, I love you so much. I love you, I love you–”

“Go fucking faster, now, please…” you sobbed, pulling his hair, making him hiss in pain, but he listened, reaching down and holding your hip with one hand as he started pounding into you, the force of it making the bed creak and your breasts bounce with each quick, powerful thrust. You were long past gone, moaning loudly with each exhale, and Namjoon groaned and grunted, his head against your shoulder as the two of you moved together, you rolling your hips up to meet him thrust for thrust.

Namjoon broke first. His orgasm hit him suddenly and he tried to keep moving, his thrusts sloppy, erratic, and uneven as he spilled into you, his mouth hanging open and eyes squeezed shut. He let out a long groan until he ran out of air, and then he didn’t inhale again until he finished, suddenly and harshly gasping in again, his whole body shaking in your arms.

He reached down and rubbed your clit furiously, and you only lasted a few seconds before you gasped too, clenching around his still half-hard erection inside you, which only made him groan in overstimulation as you squeezed and spasmed around him, gasping nothing but his name and feeling nothing but him, your love, your Namjoon.

Namjoon somehow managed to keep himself from collapsing on top of you. He moved to the side enough to fall beside you, one of his legs still between your thighs as he laid on his stomach, slightly turned in toward you. His hand moved up to cup and stroke your cheek as he lazily kissed your shoulder.

“I love you too, Joonie,” you said between shaky breaths, your vision almost blurry from lust and exhaustion and a dumb happy smile on your face. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

X.

You laid there for a little while together before you eventually went another round, this time as slow as Namjoon had wanted to go the first time.

When you came this time, your orgasm had to have lasted at least five full minutes (or at least, it felt like that) as Namjoon kept moving in and out of you, keeping up his steady, slow, overwhelming movements that left you delirious with his cock inside you, his thumb on your clit, and his lips on yours, breathing in every moan of his name.

After you both laid there a while again, lazy in post coital haze, you eventually got up and went to your room’s personal little bathroom, where you turned on the tiny shower and let it warm up. You stood there feeling the water’s temperature with your hand while Namjoon stood behind you, arms wrapped around you and lips on your neck. It was like he couldn’t go more than a few minutes without saying “I love you,” not that you were complaining.

You showered together, Namjoon standing behind you the whole time and washing your body for you. He massaged your breasts, hands sudsy as the warm water fell down over them as he kissed your neck, murmuring sweet nothings in your ear. One of his hands fell down to your folds, stroking you slowly as his other hand moved to your breast, arm wrapping around you so that his forearm could also press against your nipple, stimulating and touching both of your breasts at once.

Namjoon slid two fingers into you as he kissed your temple. You could feel him hard against your ass, and that feeling made your eyes flutter.

“You don’t know how many times I’ve dreamt of touching you, pleasing you, making love to you,” he murmured into your hair. You responded with an agonized moan, reaching back and holding onto his shoulder for support. “I’ve wanted you like this since we first met. I dreamed about eating your perfect little pussy so many times, doing exactly this to you, feeling you squeeze my cock like you did earlier when you came so prettily. You’re better than anything I ever could’ve imagined though, baby. Your pussy tastes like heaven and feels even better. You’re so fucking perfect, princess, I love you so much, more than my heart can bare.”

You felt like he had to be bending you over slightly, his firm chest against your back. You swore you could actually feel his cock throbbing.

“I need you,” you moaned, your eyes closed as you felt nothing but his hands.

“I’m here,” he said, kissing your cheek. “I’m here, angel. I love you.”

“Need you inside me,” you said, spreading your legs to stand with your feet braced wider apart. “I love you, too, Joonie. Please…”

Namjoon didn’t need to be told twice. Hooking his arm around your waist for support, he bent you both over a little more, sliding into you from behind in one smooth motion. You cried out in ecstasy, he felt so good and big and yours.

It was fast and sloppy; he hugged you against him with both arms while you braced yourself on the tile wall in front of you. The sound of skin smacking against wet skin, his hips hitting your ass coupled with both your quiet moans and the wet squelching of him moving hard and fast inside you, echoing off the tile walls with the sound of the running water. He filled you so perfectly, stretched you out so far, you felt like he was fucking up into your guts, so hard and deep and good.

You came at the same time, Namjoon groaning and squeezing you harder as your eyes rolled back in your head.

When you’d both recovered some, you stood there under the water, still in the same position. You both knew base rules about wasting water, so you needed to wrap this up, but neither of you wanted to move.

You eventually got out and dried off, both of you getting ready for bed with the toiletries provided by the base. He couldn’t keep his hands off of you the whole time though, so the whole process probably took three times longer than it should’ve.

When you both finished, he pulled you to him, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as he kissed you, his hands spreading out on your bare back. Namjoon’s tongue slowly swirled with yours as he let out a small, contented hum, and he wrapped your legs up around his body, supporting you with one hand on your back and the other on your thigh.

Namjoon walked to your bed, carrying you, and laid down with you on top of him. You didn’t end up going another round, but you kissed for a while until eventually you started to move off of him to sleep beside him. Namjoon, though, held you there on top of him, keeping you there.

He murmured a soft little “please,” stroking your back gently, begging you to stay where you were on top of him. You laid back down and kissed right over his heart, before turning your head and resting your cheek on his chest, nuzzling in against him to sleep as he pulled the sheets up around you both.

You were safe in his arms. The world around you didn’t matter; not the people down the hall, not anything outside the base, none of it. The whole universe was just you and Namjoon in this bed, and nothing else existed. He was yours, and you were his.

[imsebastiansta-n]

PR Stunt - Part 2

Warnings: fluff, angry seb, sad reader, one swear, gentle arm grab

Word count: 1096

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A/N: Okay so I wrote this bc I have an opinion and so do others. Please don’t comment/reblog talking shit, bc quite frankly I don’t want to hear it. I think the whole ‘relationship’ is bullshit and all she’s looking for is fame and money.  

If you don’t want to read this, that is absolutely fine, just keep scrolling and carry on with your day.

If you read it and have stuff to say and think its horrible? Don’t say it. Keep it to yourself.

If you read it and have your own opinion, great let me know. Just don’t say awful stuff, say your opinion and leave.

If you read it and have the same opinion as me, great let me know. Again, dont be horrible.

Either way, everyone has an opinion whether it be good or bad. As long as I don’t get death threats and little, teeny boppers in my dm’s going all keyboard warrior, go nuts.

PS: before anyone says it, I’m not a ‘jealous’ fan. I just care deeply for Sebastian’s wellbeing and mental health. Something a lot of people seem to forget about.

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(A/N I hope this part makes sense)

You and Seb made your way to the gateway, you dropped off your suitcases on the way just carrying your carry-on bags. You got to the gate and showed the lady your passports for her to check and made your way to your plane seats in the first-class section. You had previously told Sebastian you were fine in economy, but he wanted you both to have privacy so opted for first this time.

You walked down the row, looking at all the people and children that where already seated. Some were already asleep; some were giggling, and some were crying. Probably first-time flyers you assumed.

You continued down the row of people and finally got to the first-class section. You found yours and Seb’s seats, putting your carry-on bags in the compartment above you and got comfy.

It was about half an hour when the pilot announced you were lifting off, so you had to put your seat belts on then you were free to move around.

After being shown all the emergency exits and all the information needed, you were finally in the sky.

When the seat belt light went off, you and Sebastian cuddled up together on the bed and decided to take a well needed nap.

(A/N do planes have beds?? Idk but in this story, they do haha)

It felt like a few minutes when you dozed off. You were currently being shook awake by Sebastian.

“Come on sleepyhead, time to wake up. We’re almost there, we’ll be landing soon.” He whispered as to not disturb the other passengers.

You groaned as you sat up with your bones cracking making Seb chuckle.

“It should be my bones doing that, not yours.”

You rolled your eyes playfully causing Seb so gently pinch your side, making you giggle.

“Okay, okay I give.” You laughed. “I need to go to the bathroom real quick.” You pecked him on the nose causing him to blush as you got up and made your way to the bathroom to freshen up.

You washed your face, patting it dry with the towels provided and done your business.

Once you were finished, you made your way back to Sebastian with a big smile on your face feeling fully refreshed.

Hearing Seb’s voice made you stop in your tracks; you didn’t mean to eavesdrop.

But what you heard made your stomach drop.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with her yet, I’m here to spend time with my actual girlfriend. You know, YN?!” he fumed.

He was on the phone with his management, and they told him he needed to be spotted somewhere public with Alejandra.

But you didn’t know that.

“Don’t raise your voice at us. We’re the ones trying to help your career.” A voice on the other end of the phone replied.

“No, you’re trying to ruin my career and sabotage my 4-year relationship.” He whispered shouted.

“I can see we’re not going to agree on anything right now. I’ll call you again later and I expect that attitude to be gone, Sebastian.” The voice replied, hanging up causing Seb to growl in annoyance.

You heard him sit back down on the bed, so you figured it was time to show yourself and pretend you heard nothing.

“Hey, who was that bubba?” you asked as you sat beside him and put your arm around his waist to awkwardly cuddle him.

“Oh urm, it was just my management babe. They’re just giving me my schedule for when we’re home.” He smiled and pecked your forehead.

You knew he was lying, and you knew the smile was fake.

Both made your heart sink to your stomach.

“It’s our two weeks off and they’re bugging you already?” you fake groaned, causing him to lightly chuckle.

“It’s okay, they won’t be bugging us anymore.” He wrapped his arms around you and gently squeezed.

Lie

“Come on, we need to take a seat and put our belts on we’ll be landing soon.” You smiled, as you both sat down in your seats.

Sebastian grabbed your hand, linking his fingers with yours as you looked down and slightly frowned, biting your lip.

Would he really lie to me?

Has he lied before and he’s just real good at it?

Who was he talking about on the phone?

Who’s her?

All these thoughts started swimming about in your mind. Thankfully Sebastian didn’t notice as start to ask questions.

Before you knew it, the planed landed and you both grabbed your carry-ons made your way to pick up your suitcases.

Once you grabbed them, you wheeled them to the front of the airport to catch a cab to take you to your hotel.

All the while, thoughts were still swimming in your mind, and you couldn’t shake the bad feeling you still had.

You arrived at your hotel and grabbed your cases from the boot/trunk (I’m British, I say boot) and wheeled them into the hotel for Seb to check you in.

You got up to your room and left your case by the bed to look around, when Sebastian announced he was going down to the desk to ask about room service.

“Love you.” He called as he closed the door behind him.

“Yeah, love you.” You whispered and sighed, sitting on the end of the bed with your head hanging tears threatening to fall.

You knew where he was really going but you didn’t want to admit it to yourself.

So, you pretended he was going down to the reception desk and started to sort out your suitcase.

Sebastian stepped out of the elevator, with his phone in his hand he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings and walked into someone.

As he apologised, he looked up.

The coloured drained from his face.

“W-what the hell are you doing here?!” he growled, gently grabbing her arm, and pulling the mystery lady to the side. “You are supposed to be in another hotel. Far away from this one as humanly possible.”

“I asked to switch to here, so they switched me. No big deal, baby.” She giggled and ran her hand up his arm, but he shook her off.

“No big deal? My girlfriend is here. She’s in our room right now. If you do anything to jeopardize my relationship with her, I will end your entire career. Don’t call me, baby and don’t fucking touch me.” He fumed, walking away as the lady stayed smirking.

He walked back into the elevator and rubbed his hands over his face.

What the hell has he got himself into?!

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[writing-in-april]

Occupied

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: Spencer and Reader get caught by one of their co workers in a bar bathroom after Reader couldn’t keep their hands to themselves.

A/N: This is the 1st of my 7 fics 7 days in a row for my 500 follower celebration! Thanks again for 500! Here’s another smut that’s in a clandestine spot lmao this’ll be my second public smut in a row plus I have one more already written that’s coming in like two weeks😂 Thanks to @imagining-in-the-margins who helped me get the ball rolling early on with dialogue and @definitelynotkatesblog for the original prompt!

Warnings: Dom!Spencer, Public sex, Unintentional edging, Humilation, Getting caught, Derek being Derek, Established relationship

Masterlist Word count: 1.5k

Sneaking off to go fuck your boyfriend in a bathroom at a bar was a little sleazy but, I had been desperate all day to find some alone time. The team had just finished a grueling case and I wanted nothing more than to order Spencer to rail me into next week. However, my plans had been dashed by Emily who had suggested we all go out to a bar to release the tension of the week before flying home in the morning.

We were all sitting in a booth at the bar that was a little too small to fit all of us and as a result I was practically sitting on Spencer’s lap, which was not helping my desperation at all in the slightest. Every so often he’d shift underneath me whether to get more comfortable or to pick up the Arnold Palmer he had been casually drinking. Each time he shifted I felt my panties dampen just a little more. This was tortuous.

My moment of opportunity came to me when Spencer lifted me off of his lap and said he was going to the bathroom. The bathroom doors were just hidden out of view from the table, so if I got up as well to go ‘to the bathroom’ no one would know if I followed in after him or dragged him into the woman’s bathroom. I quickly excused myself from the table as well after waiting a small amount of time to not arouse suspicion.

Normally, I’d choose the latter and pull him into the woman’s bathroom as it's universally known that they’re nicer. But, I had to switch to plan B when I saw that the ladies room was crowded with people.

I quickly checked my surroundings before slipping into the guy restroom. When I entered it was completely deserted besides Spencer, who was washing his hands at the sink. When he looked up into the mirror and spotted me behind him he spun around quickly with his eyebrows raised. I didn’t give him any time to respond before pulling him into the nearest stall.

“Y/N?! What are you doing?” He squeaked loudly as I reached forward to palm him through his slacks while reaching behind me to lock the stall door, I didn’t want to take my eyes off of him.

“What does it look like I’m doing? Now fuck me.” I said before slipping my shirt over my head revealing my bare chest to him. I sensed some hesitation from him, maybe because we had never done something so clandestine this close to our coworkers before. “Please… It’s not like we haven’t done something like this before.” A switch must have flipped in Spencer at my reference to our last dalliance that we had had in a risky location (That had happened at a park).

“You better keep quiet unless you want our coworkers to hear how desperate you are.” He said with venom in his voice while pulling up my skirt, dipping his hand immediately underneath my panties to run teasing circles on my clit and enveloping me into a harsh kiss. Pleasure started to overtake me, loving the way that he had suddenly ripped any sort of dominance of the situation from out of my fingers, but it wasn’t enough to get me anywhere near the edge of an orgasm. I whined in frustration at his antics so he tried to move his fingers away from my clit to finger me. Instead of letting him I bat his hand away, I was more desperate for something else, “I’m already wet enough I promise- just hurry up.” He looked a little irritated at the fact that I gave him an order but still obliged me by quickly freeing his cock. His pants were only opened just enough to free him but it still gave me a good look at his hard cock that did wonders to me. He hooked one of my legs around my waist and started to tease his cock between my folds. I whined pathetically once it had gone on too long for my tastes which he let out an annoyed grunt in reply.

Then with no warning he pushed into me, filling me swiftly all the way to the hilt. Pure euphoria coursed through my veins when he immediately started thrusting giving me no time to adjust to his considerable size. Even though we slept together quite often and had a healthy sex life, every time his size still took some getting used too.

He started to whisper into my ear about how pretty I looked for him when I was desperate and all I could come up with as a response was a high pitched Yes that was probably way too loud. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth to try and muffle any other sounds that tried to escape while Spencer started to nip at my collarbone to stifle his somewhat now unable to say anything else into my ear because of the pleasure he was receiving.

The way that Spencer then pitched his hips in conjunction with the tight circles he started to rub into my clit again my release was hurtling toward me faster than I ever thought possible. My legs were shaking violently and if he hadn’t been there to partially prop me up I’d have probably melted into a puddle onto the floor. Though, unfortunately the sweet feeling of euphoria I was headed towards was dashed away just by a few words.

“I’m pretty sure the bathroom stall you’re in is supposed to have a maximum occupancy of one.” Suddenly was said loudly cutting right through the breathy moans from the two of us, we both immediately recognized the voice as belonging to Derek. Spencer let out a high pitched squeak and then froze up like a statue as soon as he had heard the voice reverting back to the shy Spencer we were all used to. The both of us hadn’t even heard the door open to caught up in our personal pleasure.

“That’s very ableist of you Derek.” My sudden nonchalant response came after a brief pause to Derek walking in on the two of us seemed to embarrass Spencer as his face had turned a dark shade of red. I moved my hands from Spencer’s shoulders into his hair to try and soothe his embarrassment. Though, I still decided to give Derek one last quip before shooing him out of the bathroom. I had been so close to finishing plus he had embarrassed poor Spencer, he could deal with some embarrassment himself from my words.“Sometimes you need two people. Right now was not one of those times but, you wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t heard me.”

I must have stunned Derek into silence because for a good 30 seconds there was silence on his end. Though, I never really ended up getting a full response from him. Instead, he gave us what could only be described as a mortified slash apologetic grunt; then leaving the room quickly afterwards not even bothering to care if the door slammed hard on the way out. I don’t think he was expecting that response from me.

Getting redressed took almost no time seeing as the only article of clothing either of us had removed was my top. In the hopes of Derek keeping his mouth shut Spencer and I decided to walk out separately. I paced in the small stall as much as I could in the small space while waiting for my turn to leave, hoping that no one would come in here or see me leave, but most importantly that Derek didn’t say anything.

“Well you took a long time.” Emily remarked slyly to me once I had slowly walked back before lowering her voice and continuing.”I’m assuming when Derek went to see where you to had gotten too he got an eyeful”

I flashed Derek a harsh gaze, assuming he had told everyone at the table. Though, I dropped it once Emily quietly pointed out to the hickey that had sprouted on my collarbone. However, my annoyance had not abated, my clit was throbbing, begging for attention after it had been cruelly toyed with

I was sure the teasing would all come tomorrow on the plane once Derek got over his residual embarrassment and everyone wasn’t so buzzed. I gritted my teeth in frustration, if I hadn’t been desperate before I sure was now after having my release stolen from me. Though, I was even more frustrated that Spencer seemed to be doing just fine. Throughout the rest of the night all I could think about was what Spencer could do to me when we finally got back to our hotel room. I wish Hotch had let us take an extra car so I didn’t have to wait. When we finally got in the car to drive back I was vibrating with anticipation all over again I couldn’t wait until we found someplace that was less occupied.