#i just found out about the crash
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#10 minutes before the plane in pennsylvania went down#i had the thought#*i wonder how long until the next plane comes down*#why does this keep happening#why do i keep picking up on the tragedy that is about to happen?#why is it only certain things?#why was the one at the movie theater almost at the same time?#it's kind of freaking me out man#and yes i know it was ten minutes#because i looked at my clock#and made a joke#which snapped me out of that thought#i just found out about the crash#i've like low key had the thought all day#but it was always in the back with the rest of the random noise#so it would have been freaky anyway#but this was one of those active thoughts#it's the fullness of the thought#and the timing that is within the window of all the others#that has me so freaked#personal#🔮
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Trans Curly headcanons are fascinating to me cause like… Jimmy would resent him more for it.
Masculinity is a weird underlying thing in their dynamic where Jimmy feels inferior to Curly about not only their job positions but roles in life. The idea that Curly is the better man who also made himself such would be such a blow to Jimmy’s already fragile and unstable ego. Like it’s not just that he’s just transphobic, he hates Curly’s ability to craft himself into what he wants to be successfully, it not about Curly being afab but Curly still being the better man.
But then he wouldn’t get the self image issues one can face, feeling like an imposter in a space you wanted to be in or even scared to be there. He’d just think Curly always gets what he desires and thinks nothing of it like he always has.
#also like it would be horrifying post crash cause like the implications and themes in the game I won’t get into rn#but this was inspired but a cute ish fic where Anya gave Curly his T shot cause like that’s just cute#and then it’s sad cause maybe I’m thinking Curly didn’t want to think or accept Jimmy would do such a thing because it means he could’ve#done something like that to him and the underlying fears that trans men and masc can have in male spaces of being found out and punished for#it and it’s an interesting thing to think about if it were canon or not cause like what if yknow? like trusting someone with a fact like#that about yourself only to see them torment and dehumanize someone in a way you easily could’ve been and still could be but this ain’t bout#that like Jimmy would have envy and resentment about Curly no matter if Curly was or wasn’t trans or if he disabled before the crash or#whatever cause he just resented Curly for being what he couldn’t be genuinely#mouthwashing#but back to Anya doing his T shot it’s like sad and cute cause it’s like useless now but it’s also so important to him and she’s such a good#friend and nurse to still do it and he has to think about despite all he didn’t do for her she still is doing this little thing for him and#I’ll see myself out on my sadness
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Guys. Guys. Hear me out. This reset was planned since the beginning of the server. Since the beginning of everything.
There was a person on twt that has been making theories since the firsts months of the qsmp, and theorized that the island is an time loop and after reaching a certain point it restarts again, but the story repeats itself with changes on the plot caused on what they learn on the previous resets, as the purpose of the federation says: to make the island perfect. The old buildings at the beginning of the server, the diaries and entries found by Cellbit, the resistance, everything is designed and supposed to happen again and again and again.
Now, I know that things have been difficult for everyone in this past months, but I believe that this was the original plan of the server until the idea got distorted in the way (the situation with the admins that managed the server, the egg event that extended for almost a year, miscommunication, etc), and know that its know the new admins running Quackity Studios are people really passionated with the project I believe that they would want to bring again the original plans that were done for the server but they were never able to do for different reasons (hopefully the horror is back again! :D)
But I'm really faithful about this changes, and I DO believe this is not something that was planned in a rush and this is something that was put on the table years ago when qsmp was only especulation, it's just sad that things developed in the way they did but hey, the important thing is to learn from the mistakes in order to have better results in the future, and I hope this new start just bring good things for everyone, we really need it :,)
#qsmp#also sorry if some things sounds a little weird I'm not using the translator I'm just letting my mind run wild#but to sump up#I think this reset was meant to happen as part of the lore of Quesadilla Island#Who knows if the players that went out earlier of the server are coming back again or this is a reset with new people#So the old Islanders can take a break from the server after an intense year#and HOW KNOWS if they get introduced later on in the server as players that were found “frozen in ice blocks” or “sleeping in water capsule#HOW KNOWS IF THE SERVER STARTS AGAIN WITH ONLY SPANISH AND ENGLISH PEOPLE#AND AFTER A MONTH WE GET A BOAT CRASHING WITH PEOPLE AND A MONTH AFTER THAT A PLANE THAT CASUALLY CRASHES SOMEWHERE#THINK ABOUT THE POSIBILITIES
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I WAS WONDERING WHY MY FILE TOOK SO LONG TO LOAD HOW DID THAT HAPPEN BRO???!! 😭
#i tried to create as few layers as possible!!#i really did!!!#wtf bro what is that 😭#aaaaaaah#the thing is#to avoid this exact situation (it already happened before) i *did* make different files#i know that i have a tendency to use a bit too many layers#so i separated the animatic in 8 different files#those 963 layers are only the fifth file#i really did try to not make too many layers in a singular file but this still happened halp halp halp#not to make it worse but by opening the file i expected smt around 45 layers#then i found the long loading time sus and checked#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH#while making the Discword animatic about The Light Fantastic the file was so heavy that it refused to save 9 times out of 10#so i just let my laptop on. hoping that it wouldn't ever ever crash and erase my progress#which is why i separated the animatic im working on rn into multiple files instead aiuhigujheikgjhurju#man...#rambling
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I think we need to blow up the mouthwashing tag on every social media site
Solid fucking agree 🚬🐴
#asks#anon#can people treat I dunno. really heavy topics with the weight they deserve instead of fandomizing them like everything else. I know the#answer but still. and the way people have done it too is insaneeee like come the fuck on you people are literally ignoring shit for your own#comfort and thus creating some evilass metatextual instances ie using anya as a vessel for your own shit (denying her agency) and ignoring#jimmy on all levels because he makes you so uncomfortable but still wanting to have just one person to blame so villainizing the shit out of#curly when he did very much so fuck up big time but was still a person who did try even if it wasn't enough and also an abuse victim but#nobody likes to acknowledge that because nobody likes the idea that an abuse victim can fuck up big time and still be an abuse victim and#there's also the matter of how people idolize swansea and go oh he would've never let this happen when bro did know what happen halfway into#the months after the crash and didn't formally do anything until daisuke died. and people just act like daisuke can't and never would do#anything wrong when he literally stood there while jimmy rufied swansea. also the whole infantalization by the fandom really takes on a#whole nother tinge when you remember he's the only asian person on the Tulpar. like. guysssss. tears my fucking hair out and kills myself.#there's a reason that the only tag for a media I've found deeply personal I've refused to follow is mouthwashing because from the shit#that's slipped through the cracks alone good fucking god‼️‼️‼️ this is the uncomfortable game about accountability capitalism and sa do NOT#fucking remove the nuance from it. jesus fucking christ😀#anyway. yea.
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The options with the * are the ones I've already scanned, and all but the blorbo are sewing patterns (I've already shared the blorbo sewing pattern)
#I need to go back and check if I've actually shared that cat pattern#and the octopus pattern. I think I shared that? I do not remember#I seem to be doing better with the anemia tiredness#but then I had a stress-related flare up of my various health issues#handled the first one okay but the next day had a significantly worse stress#found out if I get stressed enough two days in a row while on long term steroids#I can crash really hard before it's time for my evening dose of steroids#I have learned better! I know now that if I start shaking badly and it's not low blood sugar it's 'take the next dose a little early' time#and I knew stress doses of steroids were a thing! I just though they were for physical stressors#despite me also knowing emotional stress can be an allergy trigger for me (yes I know that doesn't make sense)#(blame mast cell dysfunction)#it was only like an hour early and I have previously talked to my endocrinologist about stress doses#I just did not put two and two together lol#I'm okay now I'm just recovering and slowly hand quilting that baby quilt
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Day 223 | id in alt
Maki thinking some very unsorcererly things over a piece of damn cheesecake.
(Read from right to left💥)
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#itadori yuji#zenin maki#inumaki toge#its always the cheesecake tbh#cheese cake isn't bad i think it depends on the type for me tbh sometimes it takes too....cakey....???#fuck i dont even know#ive had some very good cheesecake in my life and man im trying to rob a relative of her recipe#anyway. Maki had a strict diet because of the clan but because Kugisaki showed up and found out her love of junkfood....#it all came crashing down VERY quickly#Kugisaki indulges Maki and vice versa. its kinda funny how they're both violent enablers of eachother#Not pointing fingers but if you're gonna be vauge in the comments then get out or post up in the asks#tell me what ails you#for the other people#these two are fucking deranged idk what their issue is but im sure ill figure it out sometime#im getting there nobamaki enjoyers im getting there TRUST TRUST#time to get hysterically distracted while i write the description of the images#suddenly everything turns into cocomelon#i fucked up the placement but yknow my ass#Kugisaki and Maki are just too silly they're trying to exist but they're so fucked up#my silliest silly#Maki has only the faintest idea of fucked up connections and nobody talks about how shes absolutely abysmal at it#my brain is envisioning Kugisaki with a brick and that's it rn#Beyonce songs are playing#am i hallucinating#the fucked up spoon....lordt#thought about those wack bitches with those wide ass necks and cried#i hope you all imagine everytime i type shit in the tags that its of those stressed ass evangelion screams
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Fuck this shit I’m for real moving to Canada. I can’t believe trump won.
I would be moving to England but its not looking to good at the second.
#I can’t do this shit anymore#fuck trump#fucking trump won#I’m for real going to crash out#this is for real my thirteenth reason why#I for real about started crying when I found out#now all I can do is bed rot and binge watch demon slayer#the depression is real#elle yaps#i’m just a girl
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#his lips and the way his teeth are showing here are so beautiful i'm gonna be sick#can you imagine if he had a tooth gap..... dear god#the shape of his cupid's bow is ridiculous#i wanna lick his teeth so bad it's not fair#and yes i just watched crash again i've been found out#keep thinking about that one shot towards the end where he's backing vaughn's car up to go check on catherine after she drove off the road#and as he's looking behind him he kind of draws the corner of his mouth back and you get a real clear view of his cuspids#why didn't i get a screenshot of that#anyway god i lose my everloving mind when he does that#i would let him pierce a hole through my tongue with his teeth honest to god#anyway that's enough tooth talk nighty night
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I loved their love....
#bg3#bg3 the emperor#i forgot to say but i got my solo ending w the emperor a while ago too bad i couldnt get an epilogue ending (mods kept crashing game :/)#normally im not one to play the same character over again but i just might of all my playthrus Alya was my favorite#strangely enough his romance felt more fulfilling bc it was just us a beautiful slow burn build up over 3 acts no distractions#im so far down the emperor enjoyer rabbithole i can no longer recall a good argument for him being evil#i found out if u give him the stones and then try to betray him by freeing orpheus#he'll leave u to go destroy the brain on his own#i have to try it to see it for myself#but that will b a while from now i kinda wanna just write about them even if it never sees the light of day
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Its really interesting that Jimmy’s chair is the one tilted away from the screen in this shot:
It’s indicative of how his and Jimmy’s dynamic was. He’s not staring ahead at the screen, he’s not paying attention to what they are doing. Curly is the only one looking forward. Jimmy quite literally couldn’t see the responsibility Curly had or was doing. Jimmy likely slacked off and avoided most of his duties. I mean the one time we know he pilots the Tulpar he steers it wrong and loses the team 4000 credits. Even in the positions they held objectively, Curly was always taking responsibility for Jimmy. Not to mention the “We can fix this” and only one chair at attention. Jimmy never had intentions to fix anything, throughout the game, throughout his entire relationship with Curly. Curly always fixed it? Why would it be any different here?
If he even took the slightest bit of responsibility, he would’ve stayed in the cockpit to see his plan through. In the end Curly did what Jimmy always expected him to do for him and took responsibility. Did what he always did and took responsibility at the wrong time…
#cross posted on twitter#I like think it’s insane how subtle some shots are but yeah#like he doesn’t even take the captains seat to try and crash the ship#the one time he took quote responsibility unquote he still did it from the inattentive side#and then ran from what he did and literally shielded himself from the consequences like closed the door and all like it’d be done quick#even if Curly didn’t run in we know it would’ve failed and everyone would’ve known#also I saw someone say that Jimmy assaulted Anya because he was trying to put a black mark on Curly’s record as captain#and I just can’t believe that because he didn’t want to be found out about it#like think about he can’t take responsibility and tries to avoid punishment you really think his ego would allow him to risk#his image and reputation just to get to Curly? he wants to drag curly down by using him as a ring on the ladder but why would he weaken it#first? he only has the job because of him and he’d know that like Jimmy is brash and done but his hateful acts are calculated in a way to#get to others and not back to him#I mean he crashes the ship cause this would go on his permanent record and it’s likely that Jimmy had never got caught for an offense this#socially or legally damning and that’s another reason he panicked so bad he’s clearly escalorty#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#jimmy mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing
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with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.
i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.
heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."
knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.
it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.
i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!
i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!
#lizzy speaks#hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023#but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me#so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s#it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything#and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are#all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it#for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet'#and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient-#kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an-#instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.'#like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space#and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i#some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues-#our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol#but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard-#of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works#i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things.#in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive'#but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity'#...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people!#who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish!#thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories!#and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more#it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly!#ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves#as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like#wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!
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it's probably the sunnier weather that's doing stuff to my brain to make me more optimistic but it's so interesting having a brain that craves a lot of self-fulfillment to the point where I can move past some hang-ups around perfection by going "oh I really wanna do that though" and then I do it well because researching how to do it right is also a rewarding part of the process
#it comes with the double edged sword of dropping projects as soon as they become a bit more involved/difficult#or when they don't feel fulfilling#but maybe it's better to take a break and come back to something with new knowledge ?#maybe it's good that my brain has a built in 'if it sucks hit da bricks' function ?#i just wish that i had more stamina for these things when they start lacking intrinsic rewards#it just feels like compared to my other family members i lose steam very very quickly and since we all have the same disorder i should be-#- 'just as capable'... but honest to god my under-activity feels SO severe#it honestly feels like compared to others my threshold for mental exhaustion is half the normal benchmark it should be#you know how there were studies done that found that 4 hours is the maximum amount of time people can work before a decline in efficiency?#i swear to god when the activity is something i have no internal reward for it takes 1-2 hours for that decline to start. and my brain -#- crashes HARD. my eyes start to glaze over. i start forgetting how to speak. my brain starts acting like it's 2-3 am and that i need to -#- sleep. i don't push myself not because i coddle myself but because i perform WAY worse. my work becomes unintelligible#or if it's some other kind of task (such as cleaning) my brain desperately tries to take shortcuts in order to get it done#i am trying to avoid a situation where i have to fix up the shitty job i did after the fact!#it's just kind of crazy to me how this is viewed as laziness LOL 'you did a bad job!' because i was pushed past my limit!#not to mention... i get burned out for DAYS if i push myself too hard. i am trying to conserve my efficiency#if you want me to do a better job... i need more time. and trust me: i'll do an excellent job if you let me rest#i am a very smart and capable person who cares about doing a good job - and i have a fine eye for smaller details as well#the trade-off here is i'll need some time to find joy and fulfillment somewhere else for a little bit while i rest. let me excel ok?#idk where this high self esteem came from other than like. realizing i wrote an entire research proposal in such short time#while receiving positive feedback with very few notes for improvement. i just sat down an added another section today based on -#-feedback and realized like 'wait. i know what i'm doing and i probably care about this far more than the average classmate'#i've been having a lot of thoughts lately and i sort of want to get to the bottom of how i have a difficult time coping w/ burnout#and i also want to figure out how to offset the costs of the stuff i need to do... it's a process
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Mad that the only way you can appreciate Fallout 4 is when you have the option to Fast Travel removed.
And I mean like, physically disabled. The game will not allow you to fast travel (except for using the Vertibird grenades).
I was so sad by the distress call from Fallon's (even though I allowed it to loop for 30 minutes as I tried to get a Perfectly Preserved Pie). Listening to the crying of the woman trapped in the Jewelry Department safe.
Her final words were about how thirsty she was.
I left her skeleton a can of purified water and closed the door.
#after my game crashed 5 more times#i think i found the issue#it was a PTSD mod. and I enjoyed it#but my game would crash every 45 minutes or so#after I removed it I played for an hour and a half before I chose to shut down the game#i also spent forever in Shaw High School trying to find the woman that helped the Super Mutants#i have a Jangles the Moon Monkey in a display case at Home Plate in memory of that one family that built that bunker in that one housing#project... I dont remember the location name... it was full of Muties tho#blew Eddie Winters head clean off after he tried to flirt (crusty old man) AND found a holotape For Clara (never seen it before)#its just a pain that you can really only get that stuff in Survival mode bc of getting locked out of fast travel#idk about everyone else. but when im presented with an 'easier' route. ill take it#so i fast travel everywhere#fallout#fallout 4
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YALL WE HAD A GROUP ACTIVITY IN AP AND THE PICTURE THST WAS ASSIGNED TO US WAS FUCKING MARCO POLO-
I UNDERSTAND! I UNDERSTAND WHY SOME PEOPLE (what I've seen on the internet) RANDOMLY GO- "marco!" and the other person says "polo!" MY FUCKING GOSHAKJRBFKSJDBDJSHSBZKSJSOS
#I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT UNTIL NOW#IM SO STUPID#AND MARCO'S AN EXPLORER#I MUST BE THE ONLY ONE WHO JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT IT HUH#thedemises; my daily life#group activities#my left arm hurts so much i want to get it sliced off /lh /j#also that picture was a puzzle and it was painstakingly having to tape the pictures together into one singular image#and im the leader of the group#AGH#*sobs*#also I uninstalled tiktok bc it was taking too much of my storage and it keeps crashing everytime i use it
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sorry for another "i wont be as active for a bit" post (and then i'll probably come crawling back rly soon like all the other times bc i learn to cope w worsening conditions and return my usual haunts again fdsjkl) but uhmm i cannot draw and i can barely think straight. so we're going the "less active" route it seems! not that it matters much but. just in case it does last longer than a few days that's the update o7
#almost got hit by a truck today so things are rly just not going great (he came flying out of nowhere and didnt stop for the X-ing lights)#came home to a bunch of dishes that my brother created and. just. didnt do i guess. really cool of him /sarc#also got maybe two hours of sleep total last night! was so stressed i was having physical symptoms and also brother was crashing around#and thats like. only half of everything going badly. but anyways. i should not whine and wail about it. i'll deal w it fksfkl#i do feel bad that kitchen lady found me crying outside the centre and i think she thinks its her fault bc she didnt need my help today#and she's asked me to help tomorrow which is unusual. so. augh. i'll have to... explain tomorrow maybe so she doesnt feel bad anymore#i just keep thinking ''i want to go home'' but girl! u are already home! 😭😭 its just not. safe. or a place of resting anymore. alas!!!#dandy.cmd#vent //
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