#i just feel so old rn
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Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)
Sure has been a year.
#terri#niart#got my wisdom toofies out#well 2 out of 4#still got stitches#idk if this removal lowkey fixed my fear of the dentist?#it was so easy and painless#also finally i'm on anxiety meds jkahsdjash#i also got depression meds but i haven't tested them yet#I'm going to see the love of my life soon again!!!#only 2 more months to go....#i've also finally found awesome friends who don't make me feel like i'm insane for wanting to be cared for#the difference is like night and day#old friends saying hey let's surprise another friend of ours oh also i think it's your birthday on that day#new friends reminding me to pick a brunch place for us to go on my special day#i am sobbing#the right people are out there#don't lose hope#i've never felt this platonically loved honestly#also yes i'm working on the next dragon's lair aksjdhasjkd#just#a lot of things happening and i'm sooo burnt out#this piece was such a strain and i just#don't have patience for art rn#this is photobashed btw there's an actual photo of my typewriter under all those layers#i'm not about to spend 300 hours just to draw a typewriter from this angle kajshdjkasdh#ALSO ONE MORE THING CAN I JUST GUSH ABOUT THE ANASTASIA BROADWAY OKAY?!?!?!#I didn't realise until now that they made it way more historically inspired and i mean bruh BRUH#i have been having a recording of it playing on the background nonstop for like 3 days now#Vladimir Popov I want to inject you straight into my veins holy shit he is a perfect man
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HELLO WAIT DID I FORGET TO POST THIS HERE (made as a birthday present to a discord friend)
#I drew this like 2-3 months ago#two of us#two of us!david#two of us!rowan#art#digital art#Ive been feeling kinda low motivation#and the only thing I Have been working on is a personal project that I cant even share rn#(Looks listlessly at my sprawling character reference sheets) one day you will be real#ANYWAY I was scrolling through my old art to try to wrestle up some motivation for myself and WHOOPS found this#Whatever remains of my TOU fandom might as well get to enjoy this#the prompt for this was they wanted to see a design for Spider!Rowan I think#Rowan is just not very spidery to me tho so I struggled#Hes a puppet through and through
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the thing about hide is that he never once expressed visible hurt abt kaneki not telling him he's a ghoul. it was never a topic of discussion between them, not even in re when it's a much safer conversation to have. he never (at least openly) feels betrayed about it, and still uses his every action to get closer to kaneki and the ghoul world despite how cut off he's been from kaneki's life. and i'm sure hide was smart enough to realize that kaneki's avoidance was always about protecting him, but it's hard to imagine that he wasn't at least a little hurt at some point that kaneki wouldn't tell him. and then a couple hundred chapters later kaneki's stumbling over his words in a sewer and hide's telling him how he's always known, while offering up his own life for his.
#hideyoshi nagachika the man that you are#the tokyo ghoul brainworm has me good rn can you tell#i wish my frontal lobe was developed in 2015 old tg tumblr would have ate this up#born to be a coherent 2015 tumblr blogger forced to be a coherent 2024 tumblr blogger#hide is loyalty in it's purest form#i feel like with loyalty in media you normally see it as something that corrupts but hide's is just#it's pure#that's what makes him so special#if he cannot support kaneki on the front lines he will support him in the shadows#no matter how far he and kaneki drift#because hide is the embodiment of undying loyalty and love#tokyo ghoul#tokyo ghoul re#tokyo ghoul manga#hideyoshi nagachika#ken kaneki#hidekane#i suppose#is this really how i'm ending pride month#hide nation rise#where y'all at
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AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS??????
I am staring intently
#so sorry to my parents if they just heard the anguished scream of a dying animal i let out when i saw this#HE FUCKED THAT OLD MAN#WHAT OTHER EXPLANATION IS THERE#OH YM GODSDDD#how can i be normal about this???? how???? how!???!?!#no bcs i was already dying from hyperness after fernando's p2 but this????????????#WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW#and what if i exploded huh? what if i just exploded and crumbled away right now huh???#genuinely feel like a rabid dog rn#lance stroll#fernando alonso#fa14#ls18#strollonso#alonstroll#f1#formula 1#formula one#we do a little bit of f1#2023 miami gp#2023 miami grand prix
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I wake up and think to myself: “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
I hope you do too.
#weirdcore#dreamcore#dereality#unreality#my edit#unorcadox#hall of fame#liminal#liminal spaces#nostalgiacore#y2kcore#old web#lovecore#:) to a special someone in my life rn <3#ok you know what no i'm spilling deets in these tags bc i feel like it#this post is abt t4t <3 my literal soulmate was sitting next to me while i was editing it and when i made it i didn't like acknowledge it#at all so he wouldn't see it hopefully but he did and just looked at me with That Look You Know The One and i just. cried my eyes out
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nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am
#my want to draw traditionally literally split me open for the past week and leaves me literally depressed i'm so serious i can't even look -#- @ my art programs without wanting to throw up omfg should;ve never picked up those pencils#but it's ok i just needed a nap#something so relatable about them i think nelvas has something in it for everyone meanwhile eltl is secluded art museum.#it's very possible to walk around in neloth's and talvas' brains but eltl is off limits. they will NOT! get no drawings like this outta me#wtf r they thinking ........#< eltl not nelvas#something nobody on dis earth can understand ..........#talvas wants to live he likes living but neloth's presence is so strong that it overrides and deletes his will to live.#bruuuuuuuuh#i bet the feeling of neloff is in everything he does if they ever part ways he won't be able to fold clothes or anythign without wanting -#- 2 cry . for what reason . idk bc neloth once yelled at him for folding clothes like shit .what am i on rn#(talvas thoughts mode) I want this old man to hug meeee😢😢😢#NELOFF DO IT and smash him too before i do it first .#me and neloth are the same person tho so it doesn;t matter but w/e#i'm getting emotional over them right now this cannot be real#i love her .... (Skyr1m)#i opened the game for .5 minutes today to take pics of a character uight what a beautiful game.#Te/s having such extensive lore ruins the whole entire game and the franchise but whatever . skyr1m is an art piece that's just how i feel#also this might be a very hard pill to swallow for some people but t*lvas is literally a kin Vessel for young women that keep getting -#- hit on by men twice or thrice their age when they're just trying to live their life .#this feels so profound to me i need dis shit inmy discord bio right NOEW.#Talvas................................#(eyes watering) (holding palm out)#suicide //#just in case but this tag would've gone crazy with my drawings of ulfr*c from late 2022 where i drew him with slit wrists. very artsay#is it not. i didn't like neither of those drawings tho i need to revisit cus i can feel ulfr*c on a diffaraaant level#when will i run out of tags. the way you can tell i just LUH talvas look at me drawing his hair in that second pic 😑BRU#look at me also trying to replicate pencils digitally in the first.. hmmm i don't hate it#at least it soothes me and i don't have pencil withdrawal
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them and their vices (10 am on a wednesday)
#makoto naegi#byakuya togami#kyoko kirigiri#tonaegiri#cw: alcohol#read a fic recently where byakuya was an alcoholic. lowkey took inspiration#they just came back from an ff mission (another interview day)#wasn't planning on making makoto look so fucking old on purpose but i was trying to channel that ben affleck energy#really feeling this rn#my arts
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Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.
#disability#this is a callout post about myself#i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned#turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly#i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack#(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way)#(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle)#anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you...#...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition]#i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀#even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭#it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker#and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller#and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected...#...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)
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uhh another modern au agott follow-up. They've gotten progressively sillier
#witch hat tag#orufrey#hopefully you remember where she's at. the original one about her turmoils with art was so sincere....#but this is sincere too. being a 12 year old autistic lesbian is one of the most stupid things to experience. Like what is happening.#Yeah OK maybe i'm a wee lesbo. but i'm focusing on my CAREER rn so idc about that. SO i'm very upset that other ppl are not FOCUSING!!!!#A-AND FYI MY TEACHER HE CARRIES AROUND A GIRLY LIL PURSE!!! SO THERE!!!! Why are they walking away#agott helps me have to decide how to draw expressions i have never drawn before.#i actually realised looking at the concept art book stuff more carefully that coco is canonically 14? Ok....#it's a little too cruel if theyre dealing with periods on top of saving witch society from its foibles..but ok.. i do feel that riche is 12#also coco's hair is going to turn dark green when she's an adult or something. it's 'blonder' now due to being a kid🤔#abba is bc after a big long modern au orufrey comic where they got together i just strongly felt that they slowdanced to abba that day#feeling the mirth and hope of life and 'young and sweet only 17' why didnt we get together sooner but its ok like this & i love you dearly.#teen qif secretly listening to abba heartache songs after olly's caretaker drives him away..in that faded neopets hoodie.#it became 'their music' their silly little music.. right up there with the faerie bubbles theme.. (<- frustrating neopets minigame.)
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i like them together....
#a doodley#jumpscaring everyone again#im stilll deciding talons nose shape#saw a nose shape that looked a lot like his the other day and im trying to integrate it with the old way i used to draw it too#undecided if he should have very visible nostrils or if theyre more hidden like al's#speaking of al he's existed for over a decade and im still deciding eye color!#i feel his whole scheme fits the light grey or green eyes ive always given him#but. light eyes scare me and he is my forever girl. so we're leaning brownish again rn#it all goes back to brown. like how i cant stop drawing talon with his original eye color when he's meant to have the scary purple eyes#as a vampyre#AND FINALLY im trying to find a way to add more texture to talons face#i have to do more intentional wrinkles around the eyes and sockets that add form#i give al his acne scars + bumps + pores#wanted to give talon liver spots but he is a vampire! no sun exposure!#might also just do like. bumps and blemishes#the illusion of rugged skin
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are there any digital pens that are compatible to huion tablets that feel lightweight? Like holding a traditional ink pen and whatnot?
#ive realized that the pen im using feels a little heavy on my hand#drawing traditionally rn cause im warming up my hand after weeks of not drawing and I just feels so much nicer drawing with light pens#i didnt have this issue with my old wacom pen i think the new pen just feels heavy to me 😭#txt
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i want to delete my twitter account so fucking bad
#i grew my following off of anime stuff and now i'm into completely different stuff and i feel like posting about it -#will alienate my audience way too much#(if you wanna know - these days i hardly even watch one anime a year)#i wanna post about the fuckin saw movies and postal and weird video games and metalocalypse and music i like#and i want to post about my ocs without it feeling like i'm speaking gibberish to a crowd#but none of my followrs GIVE A FUCK#also i find it impossible to make friends on twt 😭😭😭😭 i have like 5 mutuals i'd consider friends#but alas i have too many industry pro followrs to just deactivate#and 40k followers is invaluable as someone whose only form of income rn is comms#tumblr has similar problems but at least i can talk about my ocs properly cuz of tagging#i don't like how monetized my account has become it feels so fucking disingenuous#it's just retweet retweet retweet post art retweet retweet#if twitter went under it'd be a blessing in disguise for me#oh well. suffering from success i guess#maybe one day i'll move accounts and KILL STARRYSHARKS ONCE AND FOR ALL#this is all 13 yr old me's fault#sorry for ranting/venting ig??? on main lol
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do yall see my vision?
#guess who has been reading the jeweler richard LN#im on volume 4 rn#anyway i always thought seigi's crush on tanimoto reminded me of watanuki and his feelings for himawari#i would also put them in the same category of 'hetero-bait' so to speak where they introduce a 'female love interest'#and then later establish her as not a romantic choice for the mc and then they're gay instead#its all subtext in xxxholic but man.......its just text in jeweler richard#also when reading volume 2 of JR i was like 'richard reminds me of someone.........' and then i realized its abeno#abeno haruitsuki is like if richard was in highschool and not the lord of sweets#i actually dont remember if ashiyan is that down bad for abeno but i know abeno is bad for him#hes still got that 'i cant leave you alone' energy especially halfway through when sakae starts showing up#seigi and ashiya have that in common too they both have daddy issues#should i have put that instead?#im too lazy to change it#i really need to reread fukimono i miss them so much#abeshiya is like an old friend to me#jeweler richard#nakata seigi#fukigen na mononokean#ashiya hanae#xxxholic#watanuki kimihiro
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I am amazed by so much about Hazbin Hotel now that I'm finally, FINALLY watching it. There's so much to comment on but I have GOT to get this out of the way that has been distracting me going into the final episode. I need you to know that I'm like grimacing in a mix of pain and amusement rn. I feel like a teacher about to tell a student their essay earned the most entertaining F I've ever seen.
I want to do a little case study in Vivziepop's design ethos in the Cannibal Town bit y'know. I don't have the steam to write a full essay right here but I will try to get into this and how it relates to something that so fascinates me about her art. I was a fan of Vivziepop back in like 2014 when she first gained some notoriety in the animation community from her Die Young short and I watched nearly every piece of her old art content where she expressed her character designs and story ideas. I was really invested in them when I was younger, I thought and still do think her designs and ideas are very evocative in a good way, but which have slowly unraveled with time and scrutiny in all respects.
In her show... there's a district in hell run by cannibals, and the WHOLE gag of them is that instead of being your usual sort of racist stereotype they're a kitschy little victorian looking district who still sing about loving consuming flesh and blood and all that. See, this was evocative IN 2014, but it's not 2014. Which is not really interesting to say in itself because the show is utterly drowning in early 2010s Hot Topic-ass design sensibilities that I will probably talk about some other time, what I'm really getting at is the hypothetical thought process behind this.
Vivzie is a lover of all things impish and vintage, so of course in hell she thinks there should be a place full of cannibals who go beyond the usual stereotypes. And in her mind she's imagining how evocative the idea of smiling genteel demons running around eating human fingers is and goes with it. And a plus for her, it skirts around the racialized baggage attached to the taboo of cannibalism, maybe she even thinks its anti-racist to spin things like this. But like. It really really just stops there.
Hazbin Hotel wants to use its framing of heaven and hell to make a social commentary on morality obviously, and in the way its doing it it also is creating a sort of statement on class. There is this idea of moral meritocracy that angels are exploiting to keep themselves and those humans they like above those they dislike for arbitrary reasons, and just in the language - written and visual - of how heaven and hell are distinguished you see this slums vs metropolis thing going on. But I mean, someone else can probably tell you about how busted it is so I won't get into it, I'll just say that comparing hell to any sort of metaphor for a ghetto where disadvantaged and flawed people are grouped together unsafely looks bad for Vivzie lol.
This is where I come back to Cannibal Town which is so so so SO obviously a chance to make the most blunt-obvious social commentary on human exploitation that Vivzie just DOESN'T cause she finds people in victorian pristine garb talking about eating flesh funny and that is the full extent of her conversation on these ideas together. There's really really nothing else it seems that Vivziepop feels like saying about a kitschy upper-middle class town of people who eat other people other than isnt it funny when upper-middle class people want to eat others. And it does boggle my mind when so much other talk of exploitation, abuse, and class stratification is so laid bare on the table of this show.
In design and narrative this show really likes to touch on these deep but kinda basic tenets of social commentary but keeps doing the 2014 Hot Topic reversal of motifs and then just leaves that there like its something in itself. MMMaybe we could be doing more to say something about how when a bunch of people are arbitrarily thrown together in a lawless area under very broad assumption of moral degeneracy some seek to wield powers over others by reinforcing their simultaneous dehumanization. And how then those slumlords try to sell scraps of privilege to enrich themselves and stuff and how bad that is.
Like we kinda do sometimes, but then you have Cannibal Town which could have so fucking obviously been about liiiike??? IDK, the overlord of the area is someone who takes peoples souls and then gives them an insatiable urge to consume both physically and material goods that is symbolized through cannibalism and exploitation of other demons so that they are further reliant on the overlord??? ANd they all sit in their little village thinking theyre above others because they keep everything so orderly only by running themselves on the exploitation and consumption of other human resources. I don't even fucking know man but I just know that the Cannibal Town in the show is nothing but a joke and wank session for Vivziepop's historical fashion fetish and it drives me up the wall.
I want to be really invested in the politics of this world but this Vivziepop motherfucker just wants to create things like the town of white middle-class victorian cannibals for the lolz.
#midnight rambles#shut the heck up#hazbin hotel critical#im smiling rn i love this show its like a dream come true its the worst thing to ever happen to me#you cant even comprehend what this show means to me#vivziepop is in my blood and i feel the itch of a decades old idol still writhing around in my veins#she and lupisvulpes - famously clowned upon transphobe furry animator dwai -#- WERE my art back then half of my oldest ideas and ocs were just theirs with the numbers switched#read this like my villain monologue - her art is personal to me#/not even parasocial im just fascinated#Its like watching someone make something out of my own ocs from when i was 10 because her characters occupied so much of my mind then#its genuinely like looking back at my older self and im like jesus some people never grew out of this#DONT. GET me STarteEd. on Angel Dust.#we will get there i lov ehim#its like watching a plane crash im morbidly obsessed#tag talking
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day 4: old cocole art dump because its about time i posted these 💀
essay in the tags youve been warned lmao
#rhythm doctor#chiimo art shenanigans#cocole#5 different brush styles in one post crying rn#wbhw huwh uh w wuhbeuhw (<- me manifesting the braincells to explain the drawings while fighting the sleepiness)#the first one was back in may??? if i had a nickel for every old nicole drawing that looks good to feel recent id have two nickels which i#next drawings were me testing out palettes from color me curious on tumblr#i showed them to my rd friend and i think they were called cocolors? it was supposed to be some kind of series thing#mostly did it for fun tho so i didnt force myself to keep it up lol#the silly kiss doodles are based on a oneshot from writer's block: confronted on ao3 (pls consider giving it a read its so cute 🥹)#next one is just some practice doodles#i was still getting used to nicoles hair i swear it went through 5 design changes in one year#last one is just the dinguses <3 (i found that tumblr post on pinterest so if anyone has the original post id appreciate that 😭)
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JUST SO YA'LL KNOW I LOVE READING REBLOGS AND REPLIES TO KID LEO AND I WISH I WISH I WISHHH I COULS RESPOND TO THEM ALL CAUSW YOU ALLA RE SO FUNNY AND AMAZINF AND WONDERDUL AND ALWAYS LEACE GREAT COMMWNTS I PROMISE I READ THEM I JUST GET OVERWHELMED AND SOMETIMES MASKING TO REPLY IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T SEEM OUTRIGHT DISMISSIVE IS REALLY HARD CAUSE EVEN THO THEY MAKE ME REALLY HAPPY I JUST DONT HAVE THE WORDS TO EXPRESS IT OKAY GOODNIGHT THANK YOU TO EVERYOBE ALSO THIS APPLIES TO MY NORMAL POSTS I PROMISE I READ THEM I JUST LITERALLY DO NOT HAVE THE WORDS TO REPLY
#2 am thoughts#feeling emotional about it tbh#and a lil guilty but i know realistically i just cant stretch myself thin to reply#even tho i want to#but im v v v v heavy masking irl rn cause of my living situation so if i dont have to online its better for me#masking me and unmasking me are unfortunately two v v different people and its kinda depressing to sww#see the tone shift when i reread comments on old stuff#my own tone shift btw#you all are awesome
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