#i just feel so bad. i cant stop feeling bad. i cant stop feeling stupid | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

azlovesem · 2 days ago

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You alrwady fid bitch. You slrqdy. Thats ehy npbody on earth luke you people at all Brie. Yiu got peopke killed yourevheartless sne ya fuckn lost the fight snd cant admot. People all arpund earthbhare toyr stupid ass countrybyhink these these stupid fucon faggot superhero movies suck and uou people are fucked. Nobody reslly likes younin warthnit nsy serm like dome do thats no one. Because youre fuckn wvil thevwhole lot. And i beat you ddo bad no one considers yiunpeopke much if a fyvkn enrity onbwarrh. Yiu probed you can ve beaten easily. Snd youre fuckn terrifued of ne youre men are fucon ciwards. Should i go on eithbegatvyou or inotovds. I csn have you bloen in hslf but im sure uoull do that to yourself. People around earth like me better yhsn sny stupid fuckn american anyway. I nade you look stupid because you sre stupid. And wesk. In im off on yas during xnas. Youre ehole rat fuckn bitch culture i slsp like s dead ho is done nobidybwants it or needs it. They have thrir own they think americsn culture is fuckn retarded. And i hope you sll die duting xmas thats how youve made me feel i have to afmit. Fuck how i nadecyou feel rgats mesningless youre the knes whonwronged me not yhe other way around, and i was s fsn. Was a fsn or movies. Not anymore. You proved who you were az people im not evrn tirnk g in the tv at sll. Brie shutnyhe fuvk ip or ill gut your bitch ass myself. Ill caeve you up likd xmas turkeyvsnd i jnow your nen eont stop me. Ill go eotk for the new ainidtration im drarting yo feel naybe i dhoukd. Snd fo dverything i csn yo run every lsst kne of yoh hollywood bitches through. Yiure not like my nice vommon weathly girls. Youre sick yiure smericsn youre not ok. Youll bwcer be ok i think. So ill just remove uou. We ll have s new north america with nonenof you srlu d. There woll be only a frw movies made. Ots making the kids retarded we gotta shut you down permsnently maybe. My eyes are turning bkack you did iyt i 100 percent blame Anerica cause its yiur fucon gaylt. Youre sll duckn rwt goof nobce scym abd dhoukd be fuckn killed every single last fucking ok ne im of you. You peopmd broke nd hesrt everyobd hates jews now and theres not enoughmof yhem tomorrect anynif them sbd there in tgeir fuvkn own. Theyre committing genicide and theyte nazis and smericabs are sll naxis no too. Say zieg hail brie. Oh yiur last name Larson is that fuckn german. The germans wrent nazis you smericans now. Put a swatika on yiyr head. And you hurt snd emerging grest aritist yiurevrat fuckn thieves someone shoukc just bliw ur brsins out. Nobody likes yiu peopke i swear but some of yiu love ne do much right. Yeah i think so lyinv sacks of shit itvreally sjows. Everybody on this earth hares you peopke snd otd s dark shittyblufeless future for smerica now. Im gonna naje a fuckn examlle of you if i ever fuckn see you anywhere.

MARVEL ONE SHOT: AGENT CARTER (2013) dir. Louis D'Esposito CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2014) dir. The Russo Brothers CAPTAIN MARVEL (2019) dir. Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck

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hairydykecunt · 7 months ago

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i have been feeling like actual shit

#kitty talks #super cool getting an std from a flaky girl and now this is with u forever #and you jusy want a chance to have comfortable sex and u were getting there after years of hating ur body but now its a whole new thing #i just feel so bad. i cant stop feeling bad. i cant stop feeling stupid #i want to end whatever i have with this girl because i’m just. so. i dont wanna deal with it anymore #all ive been doing is cry #why did i put myself thrkugh having sex if i was tired and over it. Because i wanged to do good and cuddle and be called sweet #i am so fucking weird about sex. i just want a hug #whatever #i wanted it but i couldnt say that i was done. i just wanted to do good. whats wronh with me

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triglycercule · 3 months ago

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nightmare viewing the murder time three as little toys but more in like a little spoiled kid kinda way. because it would be funny and if you take into the account that he was like 6 before getting corrupted and do some mental loopholes it would be even funnier. like these are his dolls (killer dust and horror) and this is their barbie dreamhouse (his castle). they all have to stay in one room because nightmare needs to keep his toys in a toy box. the toys only ever come out when he wants to play but oh damn it they keep on breaking out!! silly toys,,, and then he locks them into the room again.

nightmare serves them food with plastic tea cups and plastic plates and there is no food. there is no tea. they have to imagine the food because dolls can't literally eat. there are food containers and stuff in the house but its all just a bunch of empty boxes. horror starts tweaking out after he scavenges the kitchen and finds a cereal box and milk carton that have NOTHING in it (why keep empty boxes?????)

they have to go where he wants them to go. nightmare gets to dress them up in whatever he wants because theyre his dolls they can wear anything he wants. it gets incredibly embarrassing when the trio is forced to wear pink pretty dresses and fight like that. or they have to go around the castle doing stupid fucking roleplays and it gets weird because theyre being forced to reenact a bullying scene and nightmare's giving them the death stare if they don't get it right (is this projection. this must be some form of coping mechanism dust theorizes)

and then you know nightmare's not exactly the best toy owner so he loses a few of his dolls here and there. maybe they get destroyed when he was playing a bit too rough with them! (killer dies in battle for like the 29th time) but its okay because he can just go back on down to the store (something new) and buy. wait no. steal another doll and then put it back in his dreamhouse and BOOM he has a full set again!! so sweet so cute. his dolls don't have consciousness what are you talking about theyre begging to be let go?? that's all just your imagination. what do you mean you're asking about the several slowly dying bodies with removed arms or legs in his dungeon. oh that's just where the broken but not yet destroyed toys go dw theyre fine its humane

#toy story but evil #imagine nightmare dresses the trio up in dreamtale esque clothes and then forces them to pretend to be his parents #because the stupid shit grew up parentless and now that he has dolls he can just roleplay that now #or he could just make the trio roleplay as a family. one parent two children. huh i wonder where i've heard this before #he's still like totally smart with all the multiversal plans and conquering and manipulation and all that #just that he's still got a bit of childish charm in him yk.🥺🥺🥺 he's sweet and cute 🥺🥺🥺🥺#killer says as he tries not to go insane from being stuck in a room with dust amd horror for weeks on end #nightmare has no sense of boundary for the trio because theyre just little toys for him #if he wants them to change clothes he strips them because dolls cant change by themselves #if he wants them to move a specific way he maneuvers them because dolls cant movs on their own #nightmare's messing around and has all his dolls in the splits because who hasnt done that #dust and horror are in so much pain. killer just feels humiliated #these are GROWN MEN you are objectifying here nightmare. LITERALLY objectifying. but irs okay its funny #dadmare but instead of nightmare being the dad he's the kid. while also simultaneously having all the power #this would go for a sick ass plotline if someone made a fic for it #it aint gonna be me 🤣🤣 but like.... trio has to convince nightmare to stop treating them like goddamn dolls #and nightmare has to change his stupid little kiddy mentality while also they all have to just get on better terms in general #so stupidn so dumb. would the mtt hate eachother during all this. quite possibly #three crazy freaks trapped in one room for unknown amounts of time. homoerotic arguments must have occured #they must know stuff about eachother that they don't wanna know. they all know what they look like naked #nightmare is the leading cause of mtt deaths because he just doesn't know how to properly handle his toys #oops he says as he accidentally breaks horror's neck and dust and killer watch on. guess its time to get a new one!#and he gleefully skips off to horrortale while dust and killer are left with the dusting beheaded body. what a fun time #killer sans #dust sans #horror sans #nightmare sans #murder time trio #bad sanses #tricule rant

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luck-of-the-drawings · 8 months ago

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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

#jrwi show #jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying #nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess #ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so #i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair #both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home #but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again #not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO #i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED #all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis #but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum #and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it #youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes #BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply

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marsbotz · 5 months ago

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not going to lie i do find it quite upsetting that so many ppl think that animals that arent immediately relatable to humans are completely incapable of thought or feeling. and thats the only thing that matters when it comes to animal rights arguments a lot of the time

#like the take of ohhhh Well this animal is smart and shows emotions!!! it might even be smarter than humans!!!#as if that matters literally at all #like the argument abt fish or hamsters or w/e being stupid (wrong) so it doesnt matterrrrr if they dont get cared for properly #as if its ever ok to mistreat animals.#in general the idea around smaller or less relatable animals being worth less is super frustrating #like if u post abt microwaving ur hamster when u were 6 everyones like ‘lmaoooo i did the same thing’#but if u posted that abt a dog….? The Gallows #we shouldnt have to care abt mistreatment of animals bc theyre cute or funny or smart #i just watched blackfish again and it annoyed me how much ppl were arguing abt the orcas being so smart and emotional etc #which is true. but thats just smth that makes their captivity harder. u jnow. like if they were simple and had simple needs it would still #be wrong if they werent met #its just such a huge issue bc of how hard the needs are to meet in captivity #same as like. bears and shit. you physically cannot give them enough territory to stop them going insane #ik theres ppl who believe All captivity is wrong #like my strpmum is one who believes nobody should own Any pet #which is. Imo a stupid argument and not at all sustainable. ppl need companions thats why weve had dogs and cats for thousnads of years #but also they are such successful pets bc their needs are so easy to meet!!!!!#its this misconception that fish or rodents are Easy Beginners pets… in reality they are 100x harder. but their lives are worth less to ppl #bc they dont show love the same way #well. anyways im not very good at expressing my thoughts abt serious stuff #but its smth that rlly upsets me #its frustrating too bc ppl either dgaf abt animals aside from Maybe the cute ones or r too extreme in advocating for the freedom of animals #like u can absolutely give indoor cats proper enrichment. its just slightly more effort #and its not as simple as just. emptyinb out the zoos. READ ABT KEIKO!!!!!#i feel its a very interesting topic. but ppl r very b/w on it #idk i feel the majority of ppl know so little abt animals its like. impossible to get thru #like ok cool u think zoos r bad bc the lions get saddddd. but u also think snakes and bugs and rodents are nothing but disease spreaders #and cant also have complex lives #Tsk. Whateevr

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cerealmonster15 · 5 months ago

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haikaveh... save me haikaveh...

i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........

i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#the number of times i have reread alhaitham character story 4 and kaveh character story 5. like. dont look at me. kfjsdklfh #on one hand im tempted to think alhaitham would have a fully cynical view of friendship #and be like USELESS NEVER AMOUNTS TO ANYTHING but. i kinda dont think he works like that #well i dont think he would think that either way now but #even in times of friendship breaking up w/kaveh like #alhaitham is very FACTS AND LOGIC and i feel like he would still like #idk. understand the objective value of human companionship. whether or not he feels it works for him #HOWEVER. jkdlhfsd he is also the one who in his other lore bits was like 'grandmother the other children are boring at school'#AT AGE SEVEN god he was probably such an unintentionally funny child. i love u alhaitham u are so neurodivergently coded #so idk i feel like he would have a period where hes like okay. i was alone before and clearly that was the right call bc my 1 friend is gon #even if he does well alone i cant even imagine like. kaveh mustve been a huge impact and difference in alhaithams life #humans need SOME level of socialization!! and kaveh was his.... aughhh god they literally also read as having a bad breakup!!!!!#queer coded TO ME!!!!!! friends to rivals/friends to lovers to enemies to it's complicated..................#but again even if u dont think of it in a romantic sense like it's still so much. they were and are so significant to each other.#their bond is so complex and oughghdhgh they make me go bonkers #i do not think of any other 2 genshin characters so intensely as i do them .what have they done to me. what the fuck.#im alone in my stupid little genshin pit endlessly babbling about these motherfuckers!!!!!!!#and i love them. also i like that one scene in i think cynos 2nd character quest where al and kav r in the library or w/e #and kavehs like wtf no way u dont small talk w/coworkers. and alhaithams like no i just happen 2 hear people but i do not engage #hes so real he likes to eavesdrop but he does NOT want to get involved!!!!!!!!!!!!#also that same scene where kaveh goes 'WTF looking thru these will take FOREVER!!!!' alhaitham: 'ill manage'#kaveh: >:( FINE ILL HELP YOU!!!! like ok he did not ask. silly.#and alhaitham teasing him right after all that. 'teach me to pretend u werent listening' '...' '...' '...' '...HEY STOP IGNORING ME' 'see.'#theyre so goofy. kaveh u walked right into that one. ily.#i love when i talk about characters and it's literally just me going 'wow remember when character x said this. remember when he did that.'#i just love repeating scenes and dialogue and lore over and over and over and offering nothing new to say about it JKFLDSHKLFH #sorry i love them SO much and im bad at drawing and bad at fanfic so i just have to ramble in text posts forever #i do have. a fanfic outlined for them. i am just scared to write it #nothing crazy deep or whatever but yknow. im in a bit of a Funk Right Now dont worry about it #i need a constant stream of alhaitham and kaveh content constantly injected directly into my brain.

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nomairuins · 3 months ago

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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And #make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not #saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was #going to say #like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so #bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the #winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000 #other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but #i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its #been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody #responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple #muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it #but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like #im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good #solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start #all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the #punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4 #im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but #even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think #avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is #like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they #hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be #the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO #difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15 #minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case #it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel #stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and #tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i #tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction #like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint

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cripplepunkfag · 2 months ago

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god i wish i could stop fuckin thinking this i feel like such a dick i KNOW people with more obvious and more serious disabilities dont "have it better" but i cant stop thinking about it i just wish i could collapse dramatically and get rushed somewhere and magically diagnosed i feel like such a fuckin drama queen because i feel awful all the time but its just like dizziness and pain do i even have the right to claim im disabled? its not like im diagnosed. its not like i know whats wrong. its not like its serious. maybe i am just fuckin faking it.

#i wish i had something horribly wrong with me i know its selfish and bad to say that #but that thought wont leave if i dont write it out #i wish i had some horrible condition or some birth defect or anything that was OBVIOUS that people could find!!!#i just wish i was worse so i wouldnt feel like im stuck in this fuckin limbo #please reply #i want anyone to talk about this i dont care what just please #these thoughts wont leave and i feel like such a dick for thinking them anf they wont fuckin stop #anon says shit #cpunk #cripple punk #vent #rant post #disability #maybe #i dont even fuckin know #i wish i did #i wish i was normal but i know i cant be #so i wish i was WORSE just so i could know something is wrong #you dont have to go “oh its not better if your worse” i KNOW #I KNOW its fuckin selfish n privileged n stupid to think like this n it wotn fucking stop god help me please

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ashorterurl · 6 months ago

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Kai and Aoi's tweets 11-14 June

#the gazette #I CANT BELIEVE AOI USED THE _(:3 ｣ ∠)_ KAOMOJI I LITERALLY SCREAMED??#I've been having a Moment going through super old tweets and remembered that he loved tweeting this stupid thing so much. and i love it #its funny and also bad. its so aoi #maybe he's been feeling nostalgic as well #btw when he tweeted that its hot? sis it was like 38 degrees here when you tweeted that :3 #anyway also hi kai.#i cant believe aoi tweets literally every day i love him.#unironically worried about ruki tho #man i hope he's okay #ALSO I FUCKING HATE THAT I MISS OUT ON AOI'S TWEETS BECAUSE I HATE TWITTER? I WAS JUST PROCRASTINATING SLEEP #AND THOUGHT HUH MAYBE AOI TWEETED SOMETHING. AND HE JUST NEVER STOPPED TWEETING?? hate it here why does no one post their tweets on tumblr.#guess I'll fucking do that then. gotta do everything myself in this house #gazette tw #the gazette twitter #aoi twitter #kai twitter

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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months ago

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...

#aye. in another life i would have loved to be an illustrator #i dont like to do digital tho and i dont wanna b a starving artist and i like science too much #but it would make me so hsppy if i was allowed to draw all day everyday #forever and ever drawing #but nooo i wanted to get a phd in microbial evolution. and im procrastinating working on my preproposal #literally doing anything to not work on it. i coulf have been a illustrator. an endocrinologist. a neurobiologist. a paleontologist. but i #chose microbial ecologist then thought no fuck ecology and went for photosynthetic mechanisms #bc i do love my lil cyanos and i do love Microbiology. i love those underapprecated lil guys #the world is so big and beautiful and all i wanna do is understand. but my stupid brain doesnt work right and ive burried my wonder for so #long i wonder if ill ever have it back. i was reading a bunch of lil notes i wrote this semester and i go from #everything is so beautiful i cant stand it. there are angels in the sunbeams and they feel like healing. to im the world around me is #warping beyond my control. i cant feel any joy. my head is sending me terrible ideas but im not even scared. it feels inevitable #but last week i was so full of energy i couldnt sleep. nothing changed but the chemicals in my head #hopefully next semester will b better and i can stop feeling like damaged goods and feel bad fro my advisor #for having to deal with me. hes v nice and has a bip0lar brother so he's sympathetic but i wish he didn't have to b #i want to stop fantasizing about being something else and just focus on being better at what i am #but im such a pathological perfectionist that its so difficult to make any progress. but whatever ive been feeling alright for the #past week or so. hopefully that carries through. and maybe somedsy i can illustrate something for my precious baby cyanobacteria #unrelated

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cavity-collector · 3 months ago

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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me #i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum #my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation #depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man #theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please #i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good #but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great #i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to #actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die #i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless #i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something #probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so #ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left #ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this #an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways #no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil #because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good #idk what im saying anymore #someone shoot me #please im not kidding #just make it stop #tw vent #tw sui #delete later

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sanguinewolves · 8 months ago

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im so tired

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ditttiii · 10 months ago

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it's every single time i give myself a minute to breathe. a minute away from people, places, distractions, running away from my reality--when the heartbreak catches up and hits me. knocks my fucking breath out.

#as someone who's default has been for the longest time to love love love not being able to give it all the time actually makes me feel #like i am missing a part of me #its the weirdest most incredibly frustrating feeling to feel just slightly off kilter every single minute of the day and knowing u have #no choice but to ignore the oddness bcoz if u poke it its gonna all come crashing down #i hate having loved someone to the point where it was more than how much i loved myself coz now i m left #picking up the pieces they chose to leave behind and not knowing how to piece it all together #and it hurtshurtshurtshurts and never lessens and i can kiss someone else and still feel like a corpse inside #bcoz theres pieces missing that i gave away and that feeling of being incomplete just wont go away #trusting someone to love me forever might have been the stupidest thing i will ever do #and on bad days i think i deserved being left for the sheer stupidity of my life choices #istfg i m never loving again until a man puts a damn ring on my finger #so unbelievably fucking done with this shit #i wanna hate him but i cant and i wanna stop loving but i wont and i wanna feel full again but i dont #tw breakup #tw heartbreak

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oozeandgoo-art · 8 months ago

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stupid asshole who lives in my brain

#haven #oc #traditional media #monochrome #lineart #sketch #horrible beast who i am finally closing in on a narrative for #im so glad honestly i hate having characters just float around disconnected from any kind of actual story with no point #kind of fitting that he was stuck being a tool without a purpose for a while honestly lmao #in terms of a character i have he was very much a purpose-built tool for specific situations #and then i stopped doing oc erp so he stopped being useful #as a *character* he was also about being a tool purpose-built for specific situations (managing really complicated operations #and doing extreme violence to lots of people at once) and now his narrative is about him doing his best to get rid of the situations #and then discovering he doesn't have a purpose and going completely off the rails about it #unfortunately (fortunately? makes him fun to write) he is also an overdramatic entitled pissbaby of a man without the good sense god gave a #rock so he does all sorts of dumb stupid shit all the fucking time if he feels even a little bit bad so he does nothing normal about this #when its done ill share it #ah shit i forgot about . alt text hang on #this one's really only for archival purposes anyway i cant imagine anyone's reblogging this man to their dash #he's so annoying.#ok fixed the alt text

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strawberri-syrup · 5 months ago

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there are more than 130 people booked to come to the course tomorrow plus walkups and its supposed to be in the upper 90s and low 100s all day PLUS HUMIDITY and im working a double

#i might just kill myself #that sounds like hell #miserable just thinking about it #its going to be so bad #if one more person hits me with some stupid fucking optomism when i complain about my job i might just kill them #im in such a bad mood #there was a single family alone on the course for the entire last hour #how do you not feel bad making us stay #its hot and miserable and we are all being slow cooked #youre complainig about the heat and saying it must suck for us #yea if fucking does leave so i can go home #i hate my job #i want to cry and sleep forever and just stop #but i have a double tomorrow and friday and saturday and sunday and wednesday and thursday #cant wait to get home 8 hours before i need to get up for the next 9 hour shift

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neonvqmpire · 3 days ago

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IF I GET ONE MORE ILL INFORMED AND INSECURITY BAITING INSTAGRAM REEL ABOUT HEALTH OR FOOD OR COOKING OR BUGS IM GOING TO DELETE THE APP FOREVER OMG STOP

#its so bad i just want pet videos!!!!! i dont need to be told everything that i do is bad for me and i need to keep 1000 things more in mind #this causes cancer this id bad have you tried cooking HAVE YOU TRIED COOKING THIS GREAT MEAL YOU LAZY FUCK WHY ARE YOU NOT COOKING #oh its because i'm disabled and a student living on my own THANKS FOR THE GUILT THO #i literally physically cant. if you want me to eat 'healthy' so badly why dont you come over to my flat and do it for me you shit #its insanely triggering for me like i was raised by an almond parents with a medical degree i cannot do this anymore #everything wants me to have an ed sooo badly but i refuse out of sheer spite you cannot get me you stupid fucks #i'm just so frustrated rn #so triggered #also the ocd #ugh #:(#i wish people would just stop with this 'pov did you know' thing when they dont even know what they're talking about OR just do it for the #anxiety factor views #many ppl feel better if they view this shit and it tells them that THEY are doing everything right instead of those silly lazy ppl #i dont need to CONSTANTLY be exposed to stories about people dying of food poisoning etc #just show me some cute dogs #tw ed #tw food #cw food #food #bugs #cw bugs #cw ed #tw caps #vent #personal #sage posting

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