#i just feel like theres nothing
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i dont know what to do right now
#venting#i am so. depressed and in so much physical pain and i constantly feel awful and i am just wondering if its even worth it#i feel so bad. i feel so bad.#i just dont want to be here#and i know i should apreciate life but it sucks. it fucking sucks.#im constantly either regressed from the ammount of pain im in (physically and mentally) or im fucking losing my shit and crying and pissing#people off and making people hate me.#i just feel like theres nothing#i am posting onto this account bc it is my more active account and i want people to understand why i havent been active and also why#i may suddenly not be posting at all anymore#oh boy tw i guess. yay#tw: sui mention#that was the recomended tag so im gonna assume its right. idk. im tired
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all i have left
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#itadori yuuji#yuuji#megumi#hhhhhhhhh why angsty mood im hurting my me :((((((#go from megumi angst 2 dumb outfits then HARD pivot back 2 angst#u dont understand th clench in my heart i get drawing th sukuna scars on megumi i genuinely hate it so much#theyre such a Part of yuuji's design tht drawing them on megumi feels so viscerally wrong n it just hammers home that nothing is alright#had to listen 2 the cutesiest music possible while drawing this 2 keep myself sane#miku miku beam th pain away :)#real talk tho like. im really not one to b terribly emotionally affected by my own art. or to draw from my Own emotional state at all rly#i tend 2 keep myself pretty distant#but theres smth abt this one man this one pulls at th kokoro :(#suffering from success ig :/#created an emotionally poignant piece n it hurt. 0/10 wld not recommend. am going back to drawing boys shirtless >:c#gna draw something else so i stop feeling genuine human emotion
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the machine.
a comic about being a 'creator' online.
creative notes:
#in light of recent online 'success' i feel like this may come off as ungrateful#just wanna say that all the comics i make in this series are written about experiences i felt in 2022#which was a rough year personally and creatively#and i very luckily don't feel this way anymore#and this also isnt to shame anyone who DOES feel this way#its easy to start to feel like all you are is a vending machine of art#and like thats all you are to people#theres nothing human to you#it can be a bit of a pit#and on some level this damage is self inflicted but social media really doesnt help that feeling#this wont work for everyone but having friends around you who you can talk to about stuff that ISNT art#going outside for dinner#maybe walking around#its good for when you need that feeling to go away even a bit temporarily#youre a human being#not a mindless content creation machine#and i hope anyone who feels like this now can get to a place where they have a healthier relationship with their own work#good luck to all of you#and thank you for reading#comic art#its 10pm#stillindigo art
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What does Timmy think of his little brother Peri growing up to have a neurotic personality?
Peri's always had severe anxiety. It sorta comes with being the first baby born in a 1000 years and constantly being kidnapped by everyone around you.
Timmy's just glad Peri grew up to be more confident in himself, and more assertive.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
#fairly oddparents#fop#fop a new wish#fop timmy turner#fop timmy#timmy turner#fop peri#peri#asks#itty bitties fop au#timmy does blame jorgen for a majority of peri's current stresses though#he saw peri after the license exams and went 'we lost another good one :('#jorgen: i made a new fairy godparent!#timmy: you fucked up a perfctly good fairy is what you did!!! look at him!!! he has anxiety!!#this is a very condensed shorthand summary but like. thats the jist of it#if i wanna i could do a whole breakdown on why peri is the way he is and how timmy feels about it and whether he blames himself for it buuu#tl;dr peri and timmy did not have normal childhoods because theres nothing normal about either of their circumstances#so they grew up as well adjusted as one could be when having a non-normal childhood that literally nobody can ever relate to or understand#except with each other#they are not as well adjusted adults as they would or should be. but!!!!! thase just life!!!!
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i get that it's a fantasy, and i know most people mean it in the context of fantasy, but some corruption stuff on here doesn't feel like it's respecting the difference between play and reality. if you feel ashamed, afraid, disgusted, or in any way bad about a sex act you did or the kinks you're playing with, either before or after the act, the answer is not to "just edge and corrupt yourself more until the feeling goes away!" you can do genuine harm to your mental health that way. i worry a lot about the number of people, usually subs, who express what looks like sincere fear or unhappiness about a kink or the like who are met with waves and waves of strangers telling them to just do it more until they like it.
if you like [insert any kink here] but find that you feel gross in a bad way every time you do it, that's your body telling you that something isn't working here. it doesn't mean that you're bad or your partner(s) are bad, it just means that right now that kind of play isn't safe for you. maybe you need to work through some things in therapy and then it's fine. maybe it's something you can continue to fantasize about but it's not something you'll ever be able to safely play with IRL. maybe you just need to tweak the scene to avoid some specific triggers. the answer is not to keep forcing yourself to play in a way that leaves you feeling empty and hurt. that is self-harm.
again, i know that a lot of this shit is fantasy and people are just pretending, but if it isn't. if the porn you're watching or the play you're trying really does consistently make you feel ashamed or sad or gross or wrong, don't listen to the freaks who tell you to ignore your body's warning signs. take care of yourself.
#wren speaking!#i really do feel like this shit can be so dangerous#theres just so many young people on here and particularly the ones into hard kinks#are always flocked to by freaks who will encourage this flavor of self harm like its nothing#please take care of yourself. please do not ignore it when your body says 'i dont like this'
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the barbie (2023) experience as an afab non binary person is just [reconnecting with your femininity and love for pink bc you couldnt when u were younger bc being too girly will get u made fun of] [feeling guilt bc u dont identify with being a girl but girlhood is so inherently beautiful and magical and no experience is truly like it] [healing the inner child in you by allowing yourself to enjoy dolls and pink and maximalism] [unapologetically letting yourself wear pink and be stereotypically girly in a society where being non binary means you have to be presenting androgynous 24/7] [getting your grown-up heart shattered and then put back together again by your inner child using sparkly glue over and over in the span of two hours] [realizing that no matter what you do you have somewhat experienced girlhood and it shaped you to be the person you are today and you will never get to erase that experience or truly disconnect yourself from it] [appreciating and understanding your mother in a way that you thought wasnt possible without experiecing motherhood]
#my brain has permanently been altered by the barbie movie#ALSO THE MOMMY ISSUES IN THE MOVIE GOD FUCKING DAMN#when barbie said that the old woman is beautiful it makes me not fear getting old anymore#it's just all this time i feel so guilty like nothing but guilt when i present myself as femme and act all feminine but then identify with#being enby#and when i vocally advocate for feminism and all that but theres a little voice in my head going#but youre not a part of that club anymore you left them#BUT I KNOW ITS NOT WITHIN MY CONTROL BC I DONT HAVE CONTROL OF MY GENDER AND HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT#barbie#barbie movie#barbie 2023#ken#margot robbie#ryan gosling#mine#queer#woah 1k?????#1k#2k
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Sometimes I feel like celiac disease doesn't actually count as a disability since it's so easy and stress free compared to deadly allergies, but then I remember that I have to meticulously plan every trip I go to and play 4D chess with uni campus restaurant menus and for a brief moment there was genuine consideration if I should be put on growth hormones because I was so small from not getting enough nutrients
#...but then again its so easy. its no deadly nut allergy or diabetes#but then again i cant go to some countries?????#but then again i dont even have to take like medication and im not in pain constantly#but then again i was so pale and small before they found my celiac. there was no growth in my body and i shouldve been taller#but i wont DIE if i ingest gluten#but i would have a landslide's amount of other symptoms if i did ingest gluten regularly to this day#but its really just a stomach ache its nothing#but the food is more expensive and that really adds up in the long run when theres no welfare for celiac from the government#but its so accessible nowadays its like theres no issue at all#but... i have been told people feel sorry for me#but its so easy! it doesnt really count.#not fish#complicated thoughts about a lifelong autoimmune disorder is all
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Can we get more of the murder drone x rain world au?
ok
#ive been working on artfight refs and also so i can have the plot in a comprehensible fashion#as much as i love bulletpoints theyre too scattered to work#yeah the yellow lizard is just from the original sketch i really didnt feel like changing anything#and just used it for the ref#its so fanficy and cringe and whatever but we all know what a very unwise woman once said#jcj has a design but no name nor ref. do you even know how little cool words begin with j#and then theres a c inbetween. what the hell am i supposed to do with that#probably misinterpreted some rain world lore for this but i dont care its headcanon now bite me#art#murder drones#rain world#i should probably give this like a special tag if im gonna keep posting about it#will i? no#god i hate character design so much#doll and tessa also have design sketches but you'll have to find me in the right places for those until im satisfied enough to make a ref#oh my god i forgot the lower back spike things on n im gonna do nothing about it except get mad at myself
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For my birthday... read my webcomic! It's literally free! (Unless you want books. Those are not free)
It's beautiful, it's gentle, it's funny, they're canonically t4t and gay... And it's about time traveling vampires solving supernatural mysteries!
I've spent thousands of hours writing and drawing it, and it's really good! I'm not biased!
It's on hiatus right now and coming back in 2 months, so it's the perfect time to get caught up
#i felt weird putting this in there so I didnt but I've also received recognition for excellence in writing#and was nominated as a fan favorite on webtoon canvas...#so like not only do i work super hard but its just really good!#im not ashamed of claiming that i think my work is well done. if i didn't think i was doing a good job why would i do it#buuuut. something about being like please read my comic im literally so good at comics feels weird to me#even though i think that. in my brain#i dont want to imply that there is some objective or tangible goodness to my work simply for receiving some accolades#its nothing other than some accolades. whether or not someone likes it is up to them#so i guess to me it just feels superfluous#but genuinely I love my comics...#i re read them all the time. and i enjoy them!#theres things i would change and probably will change when i go to print#but i did what I could with the time and energy I had#and when it comes back... oh boy.#my friends have agreed its the best stuff ive ever written. it's literally so good...#im so excited to share.#still not fully ready to officially commit to the return date#but i am gunning for it!#webcomics#webtoon#time and time again#its my birthday!#idk wtf to tag this as. im 27 now...#read my comic#LOL
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Hi im not dead sorry for being absent so much :(
In love with giving Sun freckles
#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#sundrop#moondrop#dca#daycare attendant#my art#takin time for myself a lot rn#i think im a bit burned out#every time i start i try drawing i just feel like theres nothing for me to express#just head empty#is gonna be fine tho
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theres people that build the entire map of botw in fucking minecraft and im sitting here for the 100th time within less than a year crying bc i cant draw a line how i want
#ganondoodles talks#and yet i have more and more in my head#i keep thinking of more and more things i want to draw and show and it keeps piling up#i have always been drawing “at a loss” bc my body is fundamentally unable to keep up with my head#so theres tons of things that just kind of died bc i couldnt get them on paper fast enough#but now it feels even worse#bc i cant get anything out#its not like a clogged drain that drains like half a liter over 5 hours like it used to#its fully clogged but the tap is turned way up so its just getting more and more and nothing gets through#and im tied to a post forced to watch as it rises and spills not able to do anything about it#its so dumb#i know i have enough skill to do the shit i want to do right now#but it just blocked- unavaible- paywalled perhaps but who do i pay and with what#all that is already bad enough but i also have to feel really stupid about it#stairs i have walked up before but now im just standing in front yelling and crying#getting invisible walled by myself but also dont know how to get rid of it or cheat it- which is stupid#shouldnt i know how to get through??????????? yes. yes i should.#maybe i should just not allow myself to even open the browser at all so i can at least stop making these posts#better for everyone probably
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endos are systems.
you are cool. YOU. ARE. A. SYSTEM.
#endo safe <3
#“can we also talk about the fact that people with safe & healthy households WANT TRAUMA?” yeah actually lets talk about that#because the people who “want trauma” *are* actually traumatized! but (like with many cases of trauma) they dont remember it.#what they *want* is an explanation. a reason for why theyre like this.#anyone who has had an undiagnosed disorder knows the feeling of thinking you're just broken. and wanting nothing more than an explanation.#this is also why some people find themselves in the radqueer community. i know this isnt something i talk about much but its relevant here.#you feel like you should have trauma but you dont have any? thats okay! there a term for that! you're not broken! you're not alone!#theres an welcoming community of people just like you! where you can be accepted for who you are! no matter what!#“people from safe and healthy households want trauma” no we dont. we want an explanation.#i hate talking about radqueers but i used to id as transharmed in many ways and ended up actually being traumatized‚#i feel like its important to include that angle.#lol.exe#blackout poetry#pro endo#endo safe#endo friendly#jesus christ i talk too much
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I know the decision to have Julian's parents have him augmented was made on the fly but imo its pretty obvious from early on that Julian has Family Issues because he avoids talking about his family like the plague and I think they should've incorporated this into the Julian and Sisko dynamic right from early on because I think it would've made for some really compelling stories and moments and could've set up a REALLY interesting Julian and Jake dynamic which they kinda started to do but never fully went for
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#benjamin sisko#jake sisko#s1 Julian being so young and eager to prove himself and latching onto Sisko as this mentor figure to look up to#seeing Sisko with Jake and low-key seeking that fatherly figure connection which he won't even let himself think about#Sisko seeing this young brilliant doctor who's got all the makings to be something great and he's just GOTTA help him along#I think he would also catch on pretty quick that Julian's got Parental Issues#he tries to ask one day all casual like 'tell me about yourself :)' and Julian talks about nothing but Starfleet and med school#any attempts to ask about his family are met with awkward brief answers and redirections#and then theres the way Julian's eyes light up the first time Sisko invites him to watch a baseball game#like he Knows. he's a dad he Knows somethings up#but he doesnt pry#I also think it makes their dynamic more tragic towards the end of the series#where we have Sisko asking Julian to compromise his morals again and again#Julian's trust and respect for him gradually deteriorating#and then at the end of course Sisko is gone and they have no idea when he'll be back#which I think Julian would have a lot of complicated feelings about#but of course theres also Jake#I imagine they'd get closer#very brotherly dynamic#you know that scene in TNG where Wesley goes to Riker for girl advice and Riker and Guinan start flirting?#absolutely happens but with Jake asking Julian for girl advice and Julian wooing a girl at Quark's and Jake absolutely loses the plot#makes the events of ...Nor the Battle to the Strong more intense as well I think#also I like to think there'd be an episode where the B plot is Jake gets mad at Sisko and impulsively decides to move out#ends up at Julian's because he did not think this through#Julian is now very much caught in the middle of this family drama and he Fucking Hates It#also him and Jake are NOT compatible roommates but he's trying so so hard to be nice#eventually they have a talk and Julian cryptically hints at his own home life and tells Jake he's lucky he has a dad who cares so much#them being closer would work into what Alone Together sets up for them
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origins did so much better at making me feel like i was actually a hero. if i worked hard enough i could minimize the damage. i could unite the country. i could help people and save people.
veilguard ends unceremoniously and empty. nothing i did mattered. the world fell to ruin. the veil is still up. the titans are still tranquil. the blight has wiped out all of southern thedas and like 75% of northern thedas. the wardens are in shambles. minrathous is in ruins. treviso is. okay i guess but not great.
what did it matter, in the end? the losses were too big and the wins too small to make it feel like rook did fuck all.
and my companions didn't even like me lmfao
#veilguard critical#veilguard spoilers#i still fantasize about my warden saving the day#theres plenty of games that have hUGE stakes that still let me feel like a hero#ffxiv did an insanely good job of this.#mass effect did this. witcher. baldurs gate (all three of them)#idk it just felt like a whole lot of loss and nothing i did mattered
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why is he standing like that as if he didn’t try to destroy the world a few days ago? 🤨
he’s so chill, acting like his wife and daughter didn’t just die 😼
WHY IS HE DOING THIS EXACT POSE
I KNEW IT REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING 😭😭
BRO THE SAME FACE TOO WHAT IS THIS 😭😭😭
#charles is pissed because he’s an egg now#this reminds me of those family portraits but they’re keeping up social distancing#somethings bothering me with charles’s suit idk what it is#maybe i’ve just been looking at it for too long#man i wanna complain about apocalypse but i feel like i’ve used them all up by now 😔#theres nothing new for me to say 😿#i need new xmen movies i’m running out of things to talk about#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#x men#professor x#magneto#wish does not shut up#xmen apocalypse#xmcu
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Genuinely in hindsight it's so funny that the mcu added the lore of thor receiving prophetic visions and dreams on the regular just to awkwardly tease the next avengers movie and then literally never mentioned it again. Truly unparalleled lack of planning on marvel studios part there
#like why is it in the middle of the movie???#thor just walks off halfway through the movie to sit in cave water#i truly dont understand why it wasnt an end credit scene#yes i know im oversimplifying yes i know theres also that random throwaway line in ragnarok too#i feel like that one doesnt even count bc you could remove it and nothing in the movie would actually change#mcu critical
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