#i just can this thing in the dm of everyone
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ngl i've been procrastinating just staring at this i genuinely don't know where to start my words of appreciation.
mango, dr. itsamemango, you are such a sweet and awesome individual i'm internally grateful to have not only met you, but be able to call my friend dude <3. im so happy creating a server has brought such a happy safe space for so many but also allowed me to get to know you and so many other folks featured in this beautiful piece. i seriously look up to you man and getting to really talk to you, whether in dms or vcs, has always gotten my brain to explode /pos. i can't believe i was scared of you at one point either knowing your just an ipad cringe baby at heart and find out later i unofficially am too like???? wheres my mario opila youtube farm videos???? what am i going to do without them??? what then??? /j OIHUGKEJVWDSX
seriously gosh i can't believe you were planning all of this and my god ALL OF THIS FOR ONE DAY????? your trying to give the people heart attacks to get more money in your hospital aren't you.... /j IHJBEWFDC BUT GOSH I AM SO PROUD OF YOU GETTING ALL OF THIS DONE IN TIME AND MAN IM STILL GOING CRAZY OVER THAT LORE COMIC GUH.... and now an appreciation post i did not have this for my 2025 bingo hELP... jokes aside.... thank you so so SO much for featuring me in this, it is such a high honor and getting to read everyone's message you gave is so heartwarming man gosh... you are too sweet and you deserve all the stickers and candies ever appreciated... hOW CAN ONE PERSON BE THIS NICE????!!!!
i hope to continue our friendship for many more moons you silly horse man, you are totally one of a kind and such an awesome person on this silly planet earth. whether it be more silly memes or lore dump, i wholeheartedly appreciate any time i get with you. probably more since our time zones are different but no matter thank you so much for being such a silly horse you are, and being the best ever like what ???? impossible !!!! /silly
like guh we both know i'm the best thing for you to wake up to and you beGGINing me to be in bed like i get it fruit man.... /JOKE /SILLY
burgerfruit my beloved 💛🍔🌈
you are so awesome holy shit explode already uGH 💥
THANK YOU ALL FOR AN AMAZING YEAR! HERE'S TO MANY MORE!
Alllright, final thing to close off today, and what better than with a great big THANK YOU to everyone for sticking with me for a whole year! Regardless of if you’ve been around since I first joined or if you only just followed me today, thank you so much for your support of me and my work. Knowing there are so many fantastic and wonderful individuals who all enjoy what I make is just indescribable, I get to wake up and enjoy creating things I love for the series I love so dearly all while so many amazing people enjoy what I make too. I really can’t put into words how thankful I am for everyone who follows me but genuinely from the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you all for an amazing year and here’s hoping for many more to come!
Now, I do have a few special dedications to a few certain individuals, if I didn’t get the chance to include you PLEASE don’t think that I don’t value you in any way! There were so many cool and talented people that I wanted to thank but I simply didn’t have time to do so! You are all so important to me and it does kill me a little that I can’t thank everyone, but I am just one guy at the end of the day so again please don’t take it personally, I am still so thankful for everyone and I want you to know this. <3
ANYWAY LONG ASS BLOCK OF TEXT UNDER THE READ MORE
So, in no order in particular
@lizaluvsthis @shygirl4991 @b-r-i-n-g-x - I’m putting you all together as one because I always see you guys working as a group so it feels wrong to split you guys up lol. You were all some of the first people I ever saw in the SMG4 fandom and your contributions inspired me so much to make my own stuff too! Everything you guys make always has so much heart and soul put into it, Brewing Romance, Split into 3’s, Gay Ogres, they’re all some of the first projects I remember seeing and for that I wanna thank you guys for motivating me to make and create my own things within this fandom! Even if you guys aren’t as active now or have moved on from those projects, I still hold them dear to me so keep making and creating because you guys are all so amazing at it! <3
@mothsbakery - Moth my beloved friend, I don’t know where to start, when I first got into SMG4, I was so worried about sharing it with my friends because I was worried it would somehow get turned against me in some way (blame that damn trauma lol), so having you take a passing interest in it was such a major relief to me. I’m so glad I’ve been able to sit down with you and watch the few episodes that we have because they’ve been so much fun! I’m so glad that we’re friends even after all these years. I know I’m not always the best at keeping in touch but I do genuinely appreciate your friendship and all that we’ve done together. Please keep making and creating and enjoying what you love, seeing you come to my DM’s with your newest musical piece is always such a joy to listen to and it’s been so wonderful to watch you improve over the years! Keep being amazing Moth, I’ll chat to you soon I promise! <3
@strange0-0storm - STOOOORM!!! (POINTING AT YOU POINTING AT YOU) FREAK!!!!/J I’m kidding lol, Storm I am so glad I’ve gotten the chance to talk with you, even if it's brief, you are so fun to talk to that I can’t wait to get the chance to chat with you again about OC’s or just anything really! Your work is always so yummy, whether it's SMG4, Gravity Falls, Popee The Performer, and more, your art is always just so full of character and it just makes me wanna keep doing what I’m doing and it helps me not worry about branching out at some point to something else. No matter what I will always come back to your work because it's so amazing and it’s even better knowing it’s made but such an equally amazing person, stay awesome Storm! (also RhythmDoctor 4 life they should kiss and make out more JHBBSGHBSGH) <3
@bluesbox - Blue! Dude you are so freaking cool I cannot put it into words, not only is your work fantastic and such a joy to interact with, but you’re also so dedicated to characters lore and interactions that I can’t help but wanna be just like that! I’ll never forget when you first dropped the TSB lore presentation that shit was SO WILD, knowing there's someone who's so invested in other peoples OC’s (including my own!) to such an extent is honestly so amazing, and it really pushes me to invest more time into my own work! Knowing there’s someone out there who genuinely takes so much interest in it is so uplifting, so thank you for always wanting to know more about what I make as well as everyone else, we need more amazing people like you Blue, keep being you! (also PS, the way you give Mango glasses is probably my favourite thing someone has given him, it makes me so happy to see every time, don’t tell anyone shhhhh) <3
@libbytwq - LIBBY, LIBBY OMG I don’t think I’ve ever met another SMG4 fan who just gets the same sense of humor as me so well, I love being terminally on Tumblr and having someone else who is also terminally on Tumblr, it’s so refreshing lmao! Lore not only are you an amazing person to talk to, you are also so insanely talented to match, all of your work has so much charm and passion put into it that I can just sense it with every piece, I always want to know more with your characters like I NEED the full SMGL:E lore or else I will explode and die, that’s how good you are at getting people invested in your work! You’re so great at creating interesting and engaging characters/stories that it motivates me so much with my own work. You have so much love for what you do it’s so wonderful to see, please keep creating forever and always because your work is such an absolute joy to see. I love getting the chance to chat with you so much and I can’t wait to chat with you again, thank you for being such an amazing friend Libby! <3
@hamlos - Hamlos, your work is truly incredible. I really can’t express it enough, it’s so dynamic and flexible in such a beautiful way, everything you make is just so amazing and that's just talking about your art itself, the characters you have are so interesting I always want to know more about them, especially Cardiac I seriously love him so much and having him paired with Mango is so wonderful, they really go together so well! I’ve never had anyone go so crazy (positive) over my characters before and It’s so amazing to see, every time you come to me with your amazing work it’s always such a nice thing to see! I know I am not always the best at responding but I do always see and read everything you send me and it always leaves me with a big smile on my face. Even if you’re not super into SMG4 right now, thank you for all that you’ve done and all that you’ve made for me, HeartBeet will always have a special place in my heart and I hope it does for you too, they are gay after all lol. <3
@neo91502 @hexsie @aquaproductions - Grouping you all together even though you all couldn’t be more unique and individual, every single one of you is so special and amazing to talk to, I legit get so excited any time one of you joins a VC with me because all of you are so fun to hang out with for so many reasons! Neo omg you are honestly such a nice person to chat to and be around, you’re always so fun to hang out with and you’ve convinced me to sit down one day and listen to Epic the Musical because every time you go crazy over the word Epic, I can’t help but find it so cute lol. Nova your obsession with Hex3 is so sweet and I’m genuinely glad you’re having so much fun with it, seeing you go on rambling about your OC’s will always be such a joy to see and you know what yes one day I will draw Hex3 just for you, gimme a second though (dies first /j). And Aqua, I had no idea how much of a sweetheart you were to talk to, you are honestly so cool and I’m so glad to have you in my DM’s sending me amazing fanart that you know I’ll like, thank you so much for being so awesome and I’m giving you platonic smooches right back at ya so watch out!!! All of you are again so amazing and I can’t wait to keep chatting with all of you! <3
MY BELOVED WHO SHAN’T BE NAMED BUT I KNOW YOU’RE READING THIS!!! - Hai babe, listen, I can’t believe the whole time you’ve been dating me I’ve been an SMG4 fan, that must be so embarrassing to you lol /j but thank you so much forever and always for sticking with me. You are truly the light of my life, I treasure every moment we spend together and I am waiting for the future to come so that I can spend it with you forever and always. Thank you for not only indulging in my interests with me, but for enjoying me for who I am, everytime you call me cute for getting giddy over SMG4 it honestly makes my heart flutter and it reminds me of why I love you so much, I wouldn’t be who I am without you and I hope you can say the same thing for me. I cannot wait to get the chance to see you again in person, I need to kiss you sloppy style soooooo bad it's making me bark and growl grrr grrr bARK BARK BARK anyway I love you so much and I always will. (I will forever kiss you for getting me Smug I can’t believe you got him, he’s like a fucked up and evil son to me) <3
@ominus-potato @theartistisme43 @coralalala64 - Grouping you all together even though I have different things to say about all of you, but regardless, all of you are such amazingly talented people that I’d love to get to chat with you all properly one day, even if I’ve talked with you guys a bit it’s not enough! I’d love to get to know you guys better at some point lol. Ominus your work is just so good I can’t help but feel happy anytime I see it. I promise one day we will meet at a convention, I’m so mad I missed you once I won’t let it happen again! Cantro, your work is incredible!!! Every time I see it I’m so amazed with what you’ve made that it just gets me excited to see what else you can create, I am manifesting with all my strength that if you do ever decide to apply as a SMG4 machinima artist, that you get it because god damn you deserve it! And Coral, THE CREATURE CREATOR!!! I love your lil creatures so much, and OMG you have to teach me how to do such amazing pencil work, your work always inspires me so much and I’m so glad I’ve gotten the chance to chat with you a lil, your gif collection is truly frightening but in the best way possible. Again all of you are so amazing so please keep doing what you’re best at! <3
@tiredsmashbros - Tomm, Mr Tiredsmashbros, holy shit where do I even start with you. First of all, I would probably not be thanking half the people in this piece if not for you, I know how scary setting up a server was for you but I will forever be so thankful that you did. Finally getting the chance to chat with not only you, but so many amazing people in the SMG4 fandom has been an absolute joy and I am forever thankful for you for creating such an open and accepting space, you and Radiant are seriously so awesome for all the work you’ve put into that place. It’s from your server that i’ve learnt how wonderful and generous you are as a person, I really cannot think of anyone kinder than you Tomm, the way you always have an essay planned for every piece of fanart you get, from just your overall positive attitude, I am so glad I’ve finally gotten the chance to meet you after just being a fan of your work for so long. Your work has been such an inspiration to me and you’ve always been someone I wanted to chat with and the fact that I am now is!!! Crazy!!! I can’t believe you were scared of me at one point lol. Anyway thank you Tomm for being such a fantastic friend overall, I need to know TSB’s lore right now, can you whisper it to me I promise I’ll keep it a secret, regardless stay awesome dude, you deserve nothing but joy and happiness forever and always. Qwah Tuh (also Burgerfruit beloved, they should get weirder /j) <3
@doodledev1l - Doodle!!!!! Okay I know this sounds weird but genuinely finding another British SMG4 fan has been so refreshing, not only that but you’re super fun to talk to and be around so it’s even better! Getting the chance to hang out and chat with you is always so fun, I love getting to hear what you’re working on for uni and I always hope that it goes well for you, I know how stressful it can be lol. Regardless, I know you’ll do amazing because I’ve seen how dedicated and talented you are when it comes to your work, again I hope the rest of uni goes well for you because you deserve it, we gotta end your bad luck streak somehow lol. Thank you for being such an amazing person to chat and hang out with, keep up the amazing work dude, I’ll get you a tescos meal deal one day I promise. <3
PHEW, THAT’S EVERYONE, again thank you all so much for sticking by my side for a year! Doesn’t matter what time you showed up, I will always be thankful to know all of you, keep being awesome I love you all. I die now
Mango <3
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compos mentis 6
No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, chronic health issues, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: After a long court case, your mother stays attached to her lawyer, bringing even more contention into your life.
Characters: Andy Barber
Note: hello again.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.
I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖
Andy comes up the stairs and you back up. Your adrenaline continues to pound in your skull. You inhale sharply and cough. He slows as he gets to the top.
“How are you doing?” He asks cautiously.
You nod and gulp, “fine. I’m... fine.”
He closes his eyes and nods. When he opens them again, the intensity behind his blue irises makes you wince. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“It’s okay,” you grasp the handle of the oxygen tank with both hands, keeping it in front of you like a shield.
“It’s not okay. Your mom is wrong, you know that, right?”
Your eyes dart back and forth, “she’s--”
“I know she’s your mom and you love her, because you’re a good girl, but I don’t want to hear excuses for her.”
You frown and flicks away a shell of tears with your lashes. “Sorry, Andy.”
“Don’t apologise to me, okay?” He sighs and pushes his head back as he grips his hips. “Look,” he looks down the hallway. “We’re gonna figure this out, together. Alright, sweetheart?”
You lower your gaze. You still can’t accept that your mom is just gone. That you’re here with just Andy.
“She won’t stay mad--”
“You can’t be serious? You can’t go back to her. Sweetheart, you’re sick and she’s not making it any better.”
“It wasn’t that hard,” you murmur.
His face flashes with concern and hurt, “that doesn’t matter.” His jaw ticks, “let me see your arm.”
“What?”
“Where she hit you, let me see it.”
You pull your arm back and put it behind you, “it’s not--”
He shakes his head, “I know it hurts. Even if you don’t show me, it doesn’t undo what she did or what I saw.” He sniffs and rubs his nose, “besides, I’m a lawyer, I kind of have to report that sort of thing.”
“Report? Oh,” you whimper. “Please, don’t.”
“Sweetheart,” he exhales.
“Please, Andy. I won’t go back but I don’t her to be in trouble.”
You look at him, the irritation stitched into his forehead. He purses his lips and drops his hand form his hip. He lets out a resigned breath.
“Alright, for now. We’ll just do one thing at a time,” he girds. “Let’s go pick up that mess.”
He steps past you and heads down the hall. You follow him, the wheels on the tank squeaking. He enters the guest room and kneels to gather the mess spilled from the belt bag. You near and bend to help. He glances up.
“Sweetie, please, you should sit down,” he says.
“I can help,” you insist as you grab your lip balm. At the same time, he reaches for it and clutches your hand by accident. You flinch away and recoil.
He doesn’t say a word as he continues to gather everything. He checks a pill bottle before he tucks it away. You peek at his face and notice the red blemish deepening on his cheekbone. The slap was loud, it sounded painful.
“Are you okay?” You ask.
“I’m not mad at you,” he assures as he keeps his head down.
“No, uh, that,” you point at his cheek. "Does it hurt?"
He stops, cradling the belt bag in one hand as he touches his cheek with the other. “Not really,” he says.
You reach out, “here, I’ll take it.”
He hands over the bag and you snap it around your waist, careful to keep it from tangling with your oxygen tube. He stands and clears his throat.
“This room works for you?” He asks.
You peer around then back at him.
“You’ll be here for a while so... I could grab you more blankets. A fan?”
You shake your head, “this is fine.”
He clicks his tongue and looks past you to the window, “I’m going to make some calls.”
“To the police? You said--”
“Not right now,” he shows his palms. “I’m just... I got work, still, and a few other things. Sweetheart,” he steps closer, “you just relax, okay? It’s been a long morning. And if you need anything, my office door will be open, alright?”
You scrunch up your lips and nod. It’s all you can do. You teeter around and sit on the side of the bed. You brace the oxygen tank to keep yourself upright.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“This is... normal for me,” you croak. “My mom’s right. I’m a burden. I’m too sick...”
“She’s not right,” he insists. “Lay down, sweetheart. Take it easy. I’ll be about an hour and then we can chat a bit more. There’s a lot to go through.”
You stay as you are. You wait. He lingers before he finally strides out of the room. He leaves the door open as you sniffle at your lap. What does he mean? A lot to go through?
Oh, this is bad. You’re so lost. What do you do? You’re not Andy’s responsibility. If you do go back to your mom, she’s going to be so mad. Oh no, oh no, oh no. You wipe your nose and gulp. Why do you have to be so worthless?
🩶
You can’t remember when you slumped onto your side. It doesn’t really matter. Most days you spend like that; dizzy, tired, and sick to your stomach. That day is worse.
You want to be home. Not with your mother, just in your room, with your figurines and your books. With the familiar. You stare at the wall as you listen to the airiness of the strange house. Cars pass with soft swishing noises and a few voices come from the suburban scene outside.
Andy’s footsteps precede him up the stairs. You see his shadow as he approaches the guest room and you make yourself sit up. What you don’t expect, is the other set of steps or another figure. You bounce slightly, expecting your mother, but finding only a stranger. A man.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” Andy asks.
You stare at the man then grimace at Andy. He stands just inside the door as the other man lingers at his shoulder.
“You said you wouldn’t call the cops,” you squeak.
“Oh,” Andy looks at the other man who gives a grin. “He’s not--”
“Hi,” the man says your name. “I’m Dr. Kemp. A friend of Andy’s.”
Your eyes flick between them. “It’s just a bruise.” You cover your forearm where the tenderness thrums.
“A bruise?” He repeats. “I can look at that too, but I’m just here for a check-up.”
“A check-up? I have a doctor. I have doctors,” you argue.
“He’s just making sure everything is normal, sweetheart,” Andy says.
“I could’ve called Dr. Hawes.”
“You could but I don’t think he’d be able to see you at short notice, this is just a precaution.” Andy explains.
“I’ll be quick, okay?” Dr. Kemp says as he nears and puts his leather bag next to you. “We’ll do the standard run through, alright?”
You pout and shrug, “okay. I’m sorry, sir.”
“It’s okay.” He assures you, “now, I don’t have your records so just a few questions.”
You nod and your eyes drift to the wall. Questions. There's always questions. You answer the same ones over and over. It’s just like when you had to sit in court.
“So, I see you’re on oxygen,” he begins, “is that something you need all the time or is it just now and then?”
“Always,” you answer.
“Alright, and have you been diagnosed with a specific condition that requires it?”
“Several. Cystic fibrosis, asthma, other things...”
“Hm, okay, you’re doing good. I know the questions can get annoying,” he says. “Do you have dizziness?” You nod. “Nausea?” Another nod. “Muscle spasms? Chest pains?” Yes and yes.
“Even with the tank?” He prompts.
“Yes, sir,” you reply bluntly.
“Right, let’s listen to your heart.”
He unzips the bag and takes out a stethoscope. You stand up stiffly as he comes closer. He points to the bottom of your shirt. “You mind?” You shake your head and he tugs it up, slipping his arm beneath. You blanch as your eyes meet Andy. You almost forgot about him.
Kemp puts the cold stethoscope on your chest. He moves it around. Across the top, then beneath, closer to your lungs. He listens intently. He hums and removes it, fixing your shirt for you.
He then starts with the other tests; temperature, blood pressure, eye response. He gives a thoughtful look then crosses his arms. He considers you for a moment.
“I want you to try something for me, okay?”
You nod once more.
“I need you to take off your oxygen.”
“What?” You yelp.
“Just for a few minutes, alright? I’m a doctor, right? You’ll be okay.”
You bat your lashes and glance at Andy again. He dips his chin. He watches intently. You look at the floor and unhook the tub from around your ears. You drag it off your nose and let it hang.
“Alright, how are you feeling?” Kemp asks.
You shrug. He just stands there. You do too. You sway slightly, confused.
“You having any issues?” He intones.
You shake your head.
“Alright, just a small test. Hold your breath for me,” he bends his arm and looks at his wrist watch, “we’re going to see how long you can do it. Tell me when you stop.” He pinches the small golden face, “three, two, one.”
You hold your breath as your eyes widen. Your lungs are full but not horribly so. You search the room in a panic. What if you pass out? Your panic rises and makes you itch but you keep your breath in. He waits and waits and waits.
You let it out suddenly, “I can’t--” you gasp. “See, I can’t.”
“A minute forty-seven,” he taps his watch, “pretty standard. Definitely pretty good for someone with bad lungs.”
“A minute... no, it wasn’t that long. Was it?”
Andy shifts as his jaw squares. His brows furrow. He looks angry. Kemp peeks back at him and turns back to you.
“I’m going to review your records. I’ll put a call in to Hawes.”
“Why?” You ask.
“Just to make sure I’m getting a full picture. Right now, you’re doing just fine. I’d say you’re doing rather well,” he squeezes your shoulder. “What I want you to do is to take it easy on this.” He touches the oxygen tube. “If you feel out of breath, by all means, put it on, five to ten minutes, but not 24/7.”
“But I need it,” you whimper.
“I know you feel like you do, but I’m the doctor, right? I understand you have a lot going on but your lungs aren’t bad enough to warrant constant oxygen. I’ll be back tomorrow once I get the chart,” he says. “Andy has my number.”
Your lip quivers. You don’t understand. You need the air. That’s what mom says. And when you forget to put it back on, she gets so mad.
“You having trouble right now?” He asks.
You stare at him and take a breath, and another, and another. “No,” you answer.
“There ya go. You got Andy. He'll keep an eye on you,” he packs away his bag.
“Thanks, Steve,” Andy says as he holds out his hand.
“We’re even,” Kemp shakes his hand then looks back at you, “see ya tomorrow.”
“Oh, okay, sir,” you eke out.
He leaves and Andy gives you a nod before he follows. You listen as they go downstairs. You sit on the bed and clasp your oxygen tube in your hands. You look at the tank and frown.
It doesn’t make sense. You don’t feel like you’re struggling. You feel like you’re breathing better, actually. It’s strange. Maybe it’s the adrenaline.
Andy returns and you push your shoulders back. He enters tentatively, “well?”
“I won’t...” you reach over and turn the dial to cut the supply. “It’s off.”
“Maybe he can help. More than the other doctors,” Andy says. “Er, you know, you don’t have to hide up here. I’m done for the day so I’m free and uh, if you’re hungry, we can order?”
“Not right now,” you say and hang your head.
“Yeah, I know. It’s a lot,” he says. “You got time, sweetheart. Whenever you need me, I’ll be here, okay?”
#andy barber#dark andy barber#dark!andy barber#andy barber x reader#series#fic#dark fic#dark!fic#compos mentis#defending jacob
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Songs for my yumeship 🦇x🦋
I've decided to make a list of songs that I find fitting for my selfship with Lilia 👉🏻👈🏻 1. The Cure - Lovesong
youtube
The soft melodies, the bass guitar, the lyrics of the song... Absolutely flawless, and it expresses our feelings perfectly💘
2. Depeche Mode - Always You
youtube
When nothing in the world makes sense anymore, when everything is broken, there's always You. My lifeline, my haven. 💘
3. Seether ft. Amy Lee - Broken
"I want to hold you high and steal your pain"...
4. Depeche Mode - In Your Room
"I'm hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here?"
One of the most beautiful, most sensual songs ever written.
5. Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile
"I won't let you fall apart" 💘
6. Laufey - Valentine
"The first one to ever like me back I'm seconds away from a heart attack"
7. Skyler Stonestreet - A Little Taste
"Don't stop, I haven't had enough You're mine, 'til the sun comes up"
Spicy Vanilia😏
8. Damien Sebe - New Day
Another spicy one, but it's instrumental.😋
9. Jace Everett - Bad Things
"I don't know what you've done to me But I know this much is true I wanna do bad things with you" 🔥🔥
10. Depeche Mode - World In My Eyes
Closing the spicy line with a DM song❤️
"Now let my body do the moving And let my hands do the soothing"
11. Amir ft. Indila - Carrousel
Back to romance with this beautiful French song. The video I linked to it has the lyrics translated to English :)
12. David Bowie - As the World Falls Down
Labyrinth is an iconic movie that I love so much, just like I love David Bowie, so this song had to be on my list!
13. Evanescence- Bring Me To Life
I know this song has sort of become a meme and almost everyone knows it, but if you pay attention to the lyrics, it's so beautiful. And it fits the love and bond I share with Lilia💘
These line are my favourite: "How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb"
and "Frozen inside without your touch, without your love Darling, only you are the life among the dead"
14. The 69 Eyes - This Murder Takes Two (feat Kat Von D)
I just love the vibes of this song. And I'm sure Lilia would love how cool the bass sounds!
15. Evanescence - Even In Death
"I will stay forever here with you My love The softly spoken words you gave me Even in death our love goes on"
16. Chaka Khan - Ain't Nobody
Just... the entirety of the lyrics💘💘
17. Depeche Mode - Here is the House
This song is perfect for our life together in that cozy little cottage in Briar Valley🥰🌲🏡🌳
18. Evanescence - Anywhere
"I have dreamt of a place for you and I No one knows who we are there All I want is to give my life only to you"
19. Depeche Mode - One Caress
"Just one caress from you and I'm blessed"😭😭💘💘
and this part is so Lilia!! "I'm shying from the light I always loved the night And now you offer me eternal darkness"
That's it for now, I'll update the list if I find more songs <3
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trouble & problem arises of course when you will not reply to their texts! yes, for sure, fuck. They have been texting you all day since morning and you have just seen the messages and calls and just kept it on hold. You ain't find them important enough to reply. That is not cool. It could be a friend, or your partner as in your boyfriend or girlfriend. How in this holy shit world you do not have a few seconds to reply to their texts? nah, that's not possible because you are most of the time on your phones. This really hurts 💔
I spend whole hour to think what should've answer but.... Ahem... Oh... I mean... See...holy shit i mean i just saw texts and feel like responding later but i utterly forget that i HAVE to answer, untill a whole week passed and I have a bunch of unsend texts and asked fill in my ask box and inbox (literally freakin sorry for not answering them) (in some cases it goes six month straight, remember @yarrrdonut) (ik I'm sounding so freaking rude rn but i swear I'm not that bad person 🤧)and suddenly while doing homework/eating/at 1 am on my bed while manifesting sleep/on my way tuition I've got a flashback that there's a bunch of seen text in inbox and I have to answer them immediately but a sudden feel of shame hit me like I'm not a good friend and I don't deserve friends they're probably hating me for not answering them and the thought of texting'em rn is exhausting i mean it requires lot of mental effort to think the answer and then send to that person. then I was having a literal panic attack that people are thinking of me as a rude bitch (that I am), not a nice friend who don't give a f to the people or friends who care for her and text or call her.
I AM literally sorry for that but ok... I would try to answer.. I'M TRYING SO FREAKING HARD NOT LOOSE TRACK OF FRIENDSHIP.. BUT ... B.. sorry
Idk what my whole answer sounds like but hope this help- https://youtube.com/shorts/-DRdLjxs2e8?si=0iYDIVfz18LqQaZZ
#plz just don't hate me for not answering texts#im just#...#okay leave it#i hate hiding behind adhd#when i told people like im acting that way because ive adhd that sounds more excuse#and ..#okay#anon#thanks for the aks literally#i just can this thing in the dm of everyone#woh so finally im posting it#adhd life#actually adhd#adhd problems#adhd#adhd things#adhd brain
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pick your battles
#my art#my stuff#art#comic#original art#pride 2024#pride month#trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr#i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe#so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles#this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat#my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc#i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14#but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020#from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember#and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery#and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far#and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community#that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else#so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes#about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves#you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you
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really do not think people understand the extent to which palestinian sites/landmarks (especially muslim ones) were destroyed, beginning in 1948 until now, even in cities. the oldest extant mosque in jaffa (al-bahr mosque) was built in 1675, even though islam came there in the 7th century
#not to mention that many mosques that /were/ restored but are in 'jewish areas' r heavily guarded & prayer is hardly if ever allowed#to anyone thinking ''you can say the same thing abt jewish sites in mena countries''. you can't have one repaired w/o the other#and ultimately the root of the problem is both the colonization of palestine + antisemitism. advocating for palestine + against#antisemitism are far from mutually exclusive#(and for the love of god please stop using mena jews as a political gotcha i swear to god#and it's not like a regime that forced everyone to integrate into the ''new jewish'' culture is any less genocidal)#as someone who comes from one of the jewish groups who was affected by that to arguably one of the highest degrees & who's also a staunch#antizionist even i know that. politics re: cultural site preservation are stupid but that doesn't make it any less stomach-wrenching#it really is just Luck. al-bahr mosque just so Happens to be in a ''mixed city'' so destroying it'd be a ''bad look''#the tomb of nahum just so Happens to be in an autonomous kurdish territory so restoring it isnt as big a deal#and then people have the gall to wonder how i could ever ever ever sympathize with those ''savage arabs''. seriously??#btw im muting notificaions on this post so if you have a problem with me just dm me or block me whatever idc
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ORV as a story about fervid devotion through life and death/the desperate lengths taken to save the one(s) you care about more than anything/the paradoxically futile yet worthwhile endeavor to know and understand and love someone—all without ever developing into romance—is just so near and dear to my aromantic heart. Even past the grand gestures, the heroic journeys, the sacrificial acts, this one dream: “I want to buy a really big house and live together with everyone.” How do I encapsulate the amount of yearning inherent to my reading of that sentence. Like it was clawed out from the deepest parts of the soul. How wondrously heavy and real it feels, this hope for a future I can see much more clearly than any vision of dating/partnership/marriage.
I want to buy a really big house and live together with everyone.
Me too, Dokja. Me too.
#this is abt platonic yoohankim and kimcom found family and yeah aro dokja#this interpretation is not for everyone but the way i read orv is just so intertwined with my being aro#kim dokja#orv#omniscient reader’s viewpoint#aromantic#aspec#text post#does this count as meta? i’ll put it in my tags#orv meta#meta#meta from k#i need an aro kdj truther tag#aromantic kim dokja#there#fans of aro kdj. get in my dms. i am no longer asking.#(/j if you are a fan of aro kdj i am in fact asking. like if you want. i could yell about him.)#i need to also talk about how love in orv is at the same time worthless in terms of being able to externally save people#but also worthwhile in that it can be the thing that inspires you to save yourself
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wanted to make a comic but words and structures escape me at the moment so instead i just sketch
plus a dusknoir i think i drew before playing special episode 5 back in january based on a papyrus meme which is honestly really fucking funny in retrospect given there’s a pmd x ut AU going on?? not very active in fandom but i’ve seen multiple crossover fanarts pop up already
#my art#pokemon#pmd#pmd2#pmd eos#future trio#celebi#dusknoir#grovyle#using brushes i don’t tend to use on procreate too lol#there’s like a whole thing i wrote for them but i don’t feel like continuing it + it makes me a lil embarrassed ngl it’s too sappy for them#which is why i am back to square one. i don’t know what to write for any pmd characters in order to make a comic#i have ideas i just don’t know how to explore (haha) them#whatever. they will come with time.#can you tell i love black backgrouds LMAOOOFJDKKD#if anyone wants to know the full text of the future trio sketch dm me. im too embarrassed to share it to Everyone. again. too sappy#i love to draw them.#they are so fun they are so shaped 2 me <3
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some Jack moments for anon!! 💞
#jack doohan#autumn posts#too many for that 10 images per post limit!! so I made little collages!#feel free to dm if you want the full of any of these!! just insta stories I have saved from the past few months of lurking hehe#also happy to help with deets like which gp / source etc of course!#ahhh I still don't know the best way to format all this on tumblr dot com alas!!#off to work!! hope everyone has a great day or if its been hard I hope things feel better soon ❤️❤️🩹#the holidays can be hard but I always love coming by this café of f1blr to catch up with y'all!!!
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I see thistleXking delgal stuff and im just like...
I dont ship them at all !! D:
You can have deep, unending, insanity-driving, love for someone where the love is platonic!
I see all of these characters, main cast and others as being platonic the vast majority of the time but all the content i ever see is shipping content :((
Let me have my platonic fluffy lil guys!!
Disclaimer
#i do a little ramble#i feel like i keep makimg so many posts with the same point but#im so tired of seeing ship and mostly smut fics with everyone#i barely see platonic stuff without a ship involved#in the series as a whole#:(#the only exception i can genuinely see is falin X marcille so its the only one i actually ship properly#and this isnt a self projection thing. i do love my ships and stuff but i just cannot see a lot of it in this series.#i just genuinelly see them as platonic even if i wanted to ship them. cant really imagine them NOT being platonic friends#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#thistle#dm thistle#dm delgal#delgal#king delgal#thistle x delgal
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ive made myself more wet and pathetic
#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL#its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed#because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH#how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would#be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing#or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late#i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed#the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either#because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember#the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either#the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with#crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure#BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION#im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real#really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and#thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT#you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without#making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY#yapping#doodles#puppysona#edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule#and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened
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staaaaares off into the void
#officially spiraling again 🙃#bad thoughts everywhere about my inability to be a human and fear of that never changing#everyone around me can make it work can have lives can hold jobs and not want to kill themselves#why can't i lmfoafksjdhfs#um. yeah. idk. i have counselling on tuesday i think so i'm tryin to just hold on til then#but i'm also out of my antidepressants and the pharmacy has gone over the max 72 hrs without an update on my renewal request#had to take half my dose today so i have half for tomorrow too#so i'm probably gonna feel even worse for the next couple days 🙃🙃🙃#gonna look at doing some writing to distract myself + focus on good things#but i promise nothing idk how it's gonna go#and i'll probably be quiet when it comes to dms even though i just started catching up#bc being social just sounds like too much for me to handle today. sorry ;n;#i'll be fine!!!! promise i'm not like. Planning anything. just needed to vent a little#and as always i feel the need to explain my absence from dms bc god forbid someone misunderstand me that's apparently one of my worst fears#and deepest traumas lmaooooooooo... fuck#sorry. SORRY. sorry for the negative crying on the dash i just genuinely don't have anywhere else to spew it until tuesday (':#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.#suicidal ideation cw#personal cw#vent cw#negative cw
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Save me cale henituse save me
#i may be overstimulated af and im getting a bunch of dms and too many notifications and awful things are happening#but cale can help through all amen#just talking dmm#sorry to everyone whos been trying to dm w me on tumblr but i rlly hate dms 😭😭😭
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this was a real while back so tbh i can't remember everything you said but about 2p!reko... i think another thing is like. her identity and character is very tied with her being this masc leaning somewhat gnc woman. especially when she was younger she was very tomboyish and rough and tough etc. so like i think in a 2p au that would not be a thing. she'd probably be more fem leaning, maybe being very dainty or some such. but also that bc she was so tough she grew to want to protect others i think rather than push them away. so maybe if in 2p she wouldn't care about others and only herself? perhaps flipping her whole arc so its reversed. unsure there's a lot of directions to take it to and i have more to say but im about to clock into work lol so. food for thought.
DAY 243: pondering... look in tags for thoughts
#YTTD#REKO YABUSAME#this is actually something i didnt consider much#so thank you for bringing it up!#the flipping of her whole arc thing is something ive considered#but im finding it difficult to figure out since shes sooo complicated during the whole ordeal#because rather than flipping her view points (harsh on weak kind to strong/harsh on strong kind to weak)#she just changes the way she treats people who she thinks should be treated welll... she stops treating people badly#(harsh on strong harsh on weak/harsh on strong kind to weak)#so during samurai yaiba days maybe she should be kind to everyone? and then when she goesbthru her character change she becomes a suck up?#its always hard when i have to take into account samurai yaiba because she was so not herself during that time#anon if you do have more to say that you remember you can dm me!#i take 2p very seriously
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Taranza, Susie, The mage sisters, Hyness, and Elfilin: *Talking about their tragic and horrifying backstories*
Rick: *Sigh* I miss the good ol days...
Coo: I agree.
"The good old days": *a teenager being corrupted and dying tragically*
J-joke or criticism, anon? When it comes to comments about "Apologies," I’m not always sure which is which anymore. ^^
If it helps, I didn't set out to write the saddest Kirby AU ever. I kind of thought there was some poetry to the tale myself. But Dess also endorses the creation of whatever Fix-It-Fic / Happy Ending AU / Save the Boy Save the World story any of you wish to write!
shoutout to @starlight-strider @driftwoodmfb @deepseamuse @sortanonymous and anyone else who might attempt to/wants someone to save Noir.
If joke...
...Well, it's not like he was THEIR brother! XD
#Apologies AU#Noir (human form dms)#I have notes/written summary of my own post-canon story#that I'm honestly not sure I'm well enough to draw atm#(given it is lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng and also very complex)#...If everyone's still interested after I have a bit to think on it#I can drop the whole thing here for the diehard Apologies fans#Just give you allllll of Dess' notes and unfinished scraps#Would people enjoy seeing that...?
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i'm going to try and catch up on xivwrite and wip wednesdays tomorrow, everything is a lil overwhelming atm :')
#tomorrow's my last day off for two weeks bc i scheduled myself to work every day up until i leave for my conference :')#which also means i need to plan what i'm packing and figure out what i'll need tomorrow#and do laundry#and do a million things for work bc i hired two ppl this week#and i have my mid year review on friday which. i did not finish#and a post audit call which. i did not make an action plan for#can i just scream that i'm tired !!!!#i'm stil chasing down my DM for every little thing#i need a week off where no one needs anything from me...pls#but all this to say skfjsdf i'm excited to read what everyone's been writing#i'm just low on spoons lately ;-;#gg txt
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