#i judt wanted to be good
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Tango doodle because I'm in love with drawing him actually and I think I should draw him more
#bandit's doodles#tangotek#<-wooag no waffle duo guys pack it up#Friendship ended with waffle duo tango is my new best friend#Slash j guys I love them#I judt wanted to draw thr guy#Goodness me these typos#I can't be bothered to fix em but imagine I'm spelling everything right okay? Alright glad you understand#ive been drawing him in my sketchbook quite a bit#so I wanted to fully color a tango doodle#and now here we are#also kind of a revamp if my HADM design??#and I wanted to draw his teeth so that's basically thr only reason that little low effort tango is there#this just reminded me I have to finish catching up w his hermitcraft actually#call me the forgetificator#I apologize for that
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thank you @presdestigatto for tagging me 😚
tagging @balaclavacharles @never-looked-so-good @ferrariprince16 @dobbiamo-capire @charlescherie @caffeinatedlovergirl @debushit and anyone who would like to do this - you are legally obliged to say i was the one to force you to do it
#other things i didn’t include but i wanted to: the stress ball from shey i love to play with but made all grimmy and never washed yet (oops)#one of the 1d themed books#5 pretty buttons my grandma gave me when i was a kid#rocks collection with time and location stamps#empty peroni bottle from the peroni event in bratislava#wristband from red bull showrun in prague#the ferrari car i made out of kids toy#the real ferrari bluetooth controled car i won in a game#the lid of LEC chocolate crunch ice cream because the rest of the tub didn’t fit in my backpack home#a book of religious stories my friend from uni dedicated to me#empty bottle of red bull that saved my life after i got stung by a bee and got a bad allergic reaction#the ikea pillow with black and white hearts#mercedes 2023 driver cards i got by pure luck tbh because shey didn't get them#the ollie bearman driver card that's judt downloaded from his site (lol)#heartshaped lollypop from my cousin's wedding#bottle of handmade origami stars that glow in the dark made by shey#a lanyard with my 'ice hockey player' photo that i got at 2024 iihf championship in prague#the ice hockey jersey number 93 i won at the same championship#paper crown from uni ice hockey battle (which our uni won of course)#'have a toto-lly amazing birthday' card from my sister#the charles with huge neck paper figurine from shey#the postcard collection and tickets collection#the 'family chronicles' journal with family stories and inside jokes i collected over the years#cookbook which is honestly plagiarised mostly from my grandma#a rainbow flag from louis tomlinson concert in prague :)#and of course my good luck ferrari shirt#e#polls#oh wait i also have collection of dried pressed flowers!!!@
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I've recently read through all of fabiniku (my life as an ordinary guy who reincarnated as a girl or something like that for the english title) and it's just been such a fun and genuine time that made me so much more endeared to the series than I thought I was going to be going into this. And for me it touches on a very important part of representation and the argument that queer people will inherently tell queer stories better (spoiler alert i think this mentality is simplistic and unrealistic). Because full disclosure, yeah the author of fabiniku is not someone i assume is the best ally on the planet, and i dont even know if she's queer or not. Her author notes have some pretty :/// stuff in them about trans identity and the idea that being trans is a fetish or childish choice. However, there could also be translational errors messing up what exactly she means, and I can't exactly translate myself, so there is some doubt in that regard. But regardless of the author's opinions, none of that changes the very genuine and heartfelt story she is telling with Tachibana in fabiniku.
(putting the rest under a readmore bc its getting longer than i thought)
There's a reason fabiniku got its reputation as one of the queerest isekai's to ever isekai and that reputation is well deserved bc holy shit yeah these bitches gay and trans as hell. Fabiniku does something with its queer narrative that I personally really appreciate: it sidelines the queer themes. Now this may seem contradictory, but for me, I don't always want queer stories about being queer, I want the queer elements to be a part of the narrative without it being focused on them. And fabiniku absolutely delivers on this. It isn't the story of tachibana finding out he's trans and jinguuji finding out he's gay but also kinda technically bi now- it's a batshit insane isekai romcom about 2 best friends realizing they have feelings for each other. Of course, those queer elements are still very much there, but they're entrenched in the characters, not in the author saying "see this aspect of identity, i want to use these characters as a vehicle to tell a story about it." (Not that there's anything wrong with that, its just a difference in writing goals and how one goes about writing themes/stories)
Fabiniku was never trying to be anything profound or meaningful in terms of queer representation, its mostly a gag manga with some large overarching story beats, but the author's earnestness in portraying the romance and personal growth gives the series a real heart that 1)makes it enjoyable unlike some other comedy based isekai and 2) stops it from being offensive representation. Tachibana is a guy who finds himself becoming a girl one day without and warning, and his slow journey into realizing what exactly he wants in regards to his gender identity is never used as the butt of the joke or mocked. (I'm using he/him for tachibana bc literally as of a couple chapters ago we just got him admitting he may not want to go back to being a guy, he's still on the first steps of his trans journey). In the same vein Jinguuji's love of Tachibana is never truly treated as "only now bc tachibana is a girl, no way did jinguuji love him before nope nope." (yes the initial premise suggests this interpretation, but as the manga grows on it is increasingly clear that both these 2 loved each other before this isekai shenanigans began).
There's a lot more words in my head, but Im gonna wrap it up here. Fabiniku is hardly "perfect" representation, but it is telling a meaningful story with a lot of love put into it regardless. Blaming its mistakes on the author not being trans or gay while ignoring its strengths is useless nitpicking. I saw a post saying it would be a much funnier manga if a trans person wrote it, which is such an illogical point to make that I just had to go ????? at my screen for a minute. There's a lot to talk about with this story, and that's what you took away from it?? And im not saying there aren't criticisms to be made, I still think Jinguuji's arc should have been about him realizing that even if he didn't like women, it didn't change the fact that he was attracted to Tachibana- would have made for a more in character arc for him but again, the author was never intending for anything more than a romantic comedy manga, so I won't hold it against her too much.
Anyways everyone go watch or read fabiniku you won't regret it its so fucking good
#fabiniku#Life with an Ordinary Guy who Reincarnated into a Total Fantasy Knockout#hinata tachibana#tsukasa jinguuji#i am totally normal about the media i consume i promise#you want to read my rambling about the queer aspects of this show so bad right right#genuinely i think the rep in this is so fucking good#judt because it isnt perfect doesnt mean it doesnt have value#it is also 3am when i write this so things arent exactly coherent
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wish it was easier to deal with robot dysphoria
#i judt want all my limbs to be made out of metal and to have pinching points in the joints and to go kachunk and wrrrrr and such things#is that so hard...#only thing that gives me good robot euphoria is getting good cracks out of my bones#but now i do that so much that it leaves my neck and finger muscles sore most of the time#life is so hard :(
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like i wouldnt mind like. Not having new linear games post 5 its judt that sims 4 wasnt even supposed to Be The Sims 4 it was a last minute pivot and the base code is so outdated and was broken On launch so like. i just wish we could have the final actual sims game be like. one that was always intented to be a major sims release AND be intended to be so long term . yk
#i dont even want like. Ooh major graphical updates whatever if sims 5 was announced and they looked photorealizstic id hurl i wouldnt play#it#my ideal would ig be sims 4 with a touch more realism style wise. if this makes sense#like its a bittt too cartoony for me but i like the like. Clay hair or whatever SJFNFJ. and i think having it be simple in basegame means#you can customize it easier + itd run better on more pcs#so im fine eith that. i would nottt want it more cartoony#i also like. I understand the sims is like. an all ages game i do sometimes wish that the animations in 4 were a bit toned down#like i dont mind silly goofy wacky stuff i think its fun and like. The sims has always been a bit sillay yk. but the overexaggerated#animations r sometimes like -_-.... to me. but thats personal preference#IDK. the tags that show up when i type idk r so funny. do i ever know anything. sources say no#BUT ya i just rly wish like. if this is what they wanna do i wish theyd give us One more full game give it lots of time and love and rly rly#focus on having it excel at like. being this partnof the sims#since they wanna have like. Other sims games that have online features and multiplayer and everything. they could use that to make sure that#ts5 was Rly solid as a foundation and as like. ykwim..... they could plan updates for the future And dlc or whatever and i just think itd be#a better move than trying to make sims 4 happen#bc i judt dont think With all the updates in the world. sims 4 wont ever be like. what it couldve been. yk. i just dont think you can make#it work without Fullllyyyy just starting over.#and at this point with like..so many modders and stuff and everything and how much dlc there is thatd be impossible Esp if they keep#releasing new stuff which. They will ^_^#idk. im excited for some other lifesim games im keeping my eye out#but i rly do love the sims and i just wish that it could be as good as it could be. It has such a huge budget and team and like. if ea would#stop just trying to make as much money as possible off it i feel like they could make Such an amazing game. not to put down indie gamedevs#at all the games jve been looking at look Incredible like.. yk. but the fact those games are so good eith FAR smaller teams and budgets is#like. imagine what we could have if the sims had that amt of care and time put into it.#but whatever whatever whatever. sorry im just rambling#again ik what i would want from my platonic ideal of a sims game isnt what everyone would eant#but idk. i feel like another good step might be like. making the other sims games more available and updating them so they run better on#modern pcs. but i dont think thatll ever happen DNDNFJFNFN.
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oh yeah i dont like her fr *checks her socials obsessively*
#normal. im so normal#undiagnosed bpd#bpd splitting#bpd#can i PLEASE judt sort her nicely into a good box or bad box W#WHAT is she doing outside them#i want to. i really want to love her but The Thoguhts#bpd fp#bpd fp vent#i think?? she was going to before i split on her#vent#vent post
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Just waiting for the oven to preheat and then the muffins can go up and then I'll do dishes I guess
#i need to cook so I'll have lunches for later in the week#what i made last night is like maybe 2 leftovers and 1 mkght be good for a dinner instead of a lunch idk#but i dont really want to cook tonight. i want to sleep#like I'm Tired#baking muffins doesnt take a ton of energy judt gather ingredients measure mix mix divide preheat and done.#compared to dishes which u have to be at the sink however long it takes and just.. ugh#and cooking! stressful!#if i didnt cook tonight.... I'm not cooking tomorrow night bc i get home later so i wont have time to relax if i have to cook#so if i didnt cook both nights what would i eat?#ive git some frozen leftovers bjt besides the soups in not enthusiastic about them#got*#I'm saving 1 soup for whichever day i go to the dentist bc its an easy thing i can eat after when my face is still numb for 3 hrs or whateve#Why is my back itching again#i have frozen nuggets that are ok and frozen tenders i havent tried yet#theyre the raw kind rather than pre-cooked which makes me nervous anyway#uh but what would i do tomorrow night if i did one of those tonight#more frozen pancakes?#and then ive got the weekend again I'm there late#also if i eat all the frozen pancakes now...#well my parentals are back Thursday#but Wednesday at least is also a late shift so idk#I'm tired tho
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we need more edenfuckers on this site. who’s with me
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I need. to make that comic.
#i literally wrote it out months ago and i can see it in my head but nothing i draw is right ....#augh..#its not long. its a short lil thing. but. augh.#its so good. i need to make it real....i could judt post the writing but i can see it in my brain and i want other people to see it!!!!!#such is the curse of having a very visual brain.
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Ough. The pain and struggle of wanting to create something but not having a strong enough feeling to properly evoke it
#which i guess technically is a good thing? cause that means im not feeling terribly sorrow#but i struggle so much writing poems or making art or things when i have no emotion to convey or make someone feel#and it's kinda hard to listen to music to encourage a feeling while trying to..write music#should i flip it around? look at art to create musical feeling#maybe i should start with writing music over my poems cause then i already have a laid out feeling to cover#and it'll create something in me to convey. Plus personally i find it easier to do lyrics first then instruments#as apposed the other way aroubd#I've always wanted to write music over my poems anyway. Heck some of them practically already are songs judt missing instruments#okay well i have a solution now thank you typing out thoughts for helping JFNSBJFHS
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i think i need to get more makeup or like. better makeup at least my eyeliner is so fucking hard to use
#mayo speaks#hashtag. if anyone has good like. eyeliner recommendations... or judt tips on how to do winged eyeliner 🫶#i should make a list of makeup i want becahse i do want to learn how to do like. trad goth makeup and at this point jn time i own#like. an eyeshadow palette an eyeliber pencil a liquid liner and thats about it...#i have also stolen an eyeshadow palette from my mother#and ive just been using watercolor brushes for it bevause 🤷♂️ i had them already
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I wiiiishhhh I decided to be normal and learn to drive when I was 16 eek!!!! I'm having my first driving lesson tomorrow morning and I'm TWENTY THREE idk why I feel so humiliated. my mum didn't learn to drive til she was 30.. but it's so mortifying to me rn. what the tuna
#i suppose in the end more fool YOU cuz i saved money not paying for petrol and car rego heheh... i judt fare evade on public transport but#it takes me an extra hour to get anywhere i want.#i work a full time job now idk i need to be driving.. it takes me 2 hrs to get to work on public transport like thats insane#and i think i have a good enough income to support owning a car as well as my parents still <.>
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Everytime someone ships tripitaka with someone, anyone, an angel loses its wings btw
#its explicitly stated he doesnt do romance so it squicks me out like#especially jf its with his disciples because that just feels weird to me ? theyre all like a little family to me idk#sun wukong is who i see him shipped with most bjt truthfully i think he saw tripitaka as a moral almost father figure#he doesnt call him dad or anything like that lol but its very “he looks out for me and wants me to be good and is guiding me to be better”#so in wukongs brain its essentially his stressed dad friend#sorry im judt rambling about relationship dynamics now anywaysss#legoland tag
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sry my beef eith that pastor is unending i fucking hate that guy like ugh . he soent maybe 5 minutes talking abt the actual ppl who actually died and then spent 2 hours just preaching and telling us we were all going to hell. is that how it is at all christian funerals. protestant i think if that means anything.
#like he tried to talk himself up abt how close he was eith alda mae and didnt even pronounce her fucking name righttt#and i remember talking with my papaw after granbys service and he was like I fucking hate that guy .#but its like her whole side of the family is buried in this one specific cemetery and her mom was at that funeral home and then a year later#alda mae went to that funeral home like. yk. its judt like The funeral home for that part of the family but god all of us fucking hate it#like nobody liked the service. even if the guy was aldas pastor maybe the extended family liked it better#but like. my immediate/immediate extended family (papaw cousins aunts uncles and then like. immediate) All of us were pissed w how grannys#funeral went. yk. UGH it made me so mad.#nd like. idk. idt thats what my granny would've wanted like . she was religious but i dont think she wouldve wanted the guy preaching to us#abt how we were going to hell. like i think she wouldve cussed him out DJFNFJNG. yk. my granny was not like. a good person . tbh.#tip if an older southern relative you rly rly rly love dies Donttt check their facebook bc yr sad and you miss them and just want to see#their face again. it will rly sour your opinion on them quite quickly. but yk. it did make me mad that service. bc i love my granny and that#service was justtt awful. but it was nice being in the cemetery yk. i cleaned up my great grand tombstone my aunt shae got to see her dad nd#everything. i still havent been able to actually see grannys proper tombstone outside of findagrave but i wanna try n visit this year . if#we get a car. you know. bc the picture is nice its a joint one for her and my papaw. who is not dead yet Obviously and hopefully wont be for#a longgg time hes young. i think hes like 60ish. so hes still got a while thank god. but mannn. wtvr.
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bitching abt my partner again so i can get it out of my system and not let it fester
had a Discussion yesterday and i said how i didn't like that i, someone who naturally wakes up early and has to go to bed around 11-midnight to get decent sleep, have been spending the last few months either sleep deprived or forced to use sleeping pills to sleep, when he sleeps in til fucking noon, even on the two days we both have off and can, yk, spend time doing things in the morning together, and then he complains that we never do anything outside (bc we live in florida. anything after noon is just a fucking sauna.)
anyways. i ask if he can start waking up earlier. he says he'll wake up at 10 today. i go, ok, thank you, but what does that prove? that you can do it once? i've been changing my schedule for months. i want to hear that you'll try to do it consistently. (And 10 isn't early anyways, but i didn't say that). he insists he's going to do it. makes sure i see him set an alarm in front of me and everything. so anyways. 10:01 i get a text that he's going to sleep a little more.
man.
#i also asked him to wash his hair more often bc he has REALLY nice long hair but its always fuckin greasy#unless he has some formal performance or i ask him to wash it#and he said hed wash it tonight and like. thanks. but like. can you maybe stsrt doing it without reason or me having to ask you#like a fucking toddler#anyways my hopes arent high#and its so fuckign pathetic that ill be thrilled if i come over to see him and its washed#honestly.#every day im closer and closer to just. breaking up#i love him. i reqlly do#but i think i love what he could be more than what hes actually willing to be#and its so upsetting#bc its judt.#if he says he wants me to do something#i fucking do it#i got a fucking minimum wage soulsucking job bc he said he thought having more steady income and a routine would help me#and it does. but he also complains now when i have to sleep at 9pm so i can get up for morning shifts#but he also complains when i work during the times he has off#and its not like. a controlling way at all. for the record. trust me on that#its just the like. Frustrating way. like suck it up and cope buttercup i am the one who is dealing with more right now.#in that situation at least#this got long but#you see my point#its just. so upsetting.#and again. i love him#i do#hes great in so many aspects and he has the same goals and its all so Good#but. god. fuck.#is this really what i want to deal with for the rest of my life when i know i can be perfectly happy and fulfilled in life without a partne
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#does a bear blog in the woods#just phantom period stuff fuckingbw my brain chem i think is whats going on this week !#i knew the new tfb would rip emotions outta me but im messed uppppp .#ive been single the longest ive been in a Long Time now ...#theres good and bad . theres so much cooking in my head from these few months#dealint with grief . bad job . good job now#and still working on getting my life and health togethwr#and im really trying to craft and make shit again . its So necessary for your soul and ive been neglecting#tabletop has helped so much and roleplay will too qhen i get into it#in the mean time though . im LONELY !! im in a mood where being by myself is Torrrtureeee . butnive also been overstimmed !#i was very somber earlier cuz i jusf did Not have rhe energy to be up and do shit ..wjich is why i called out#but was just thinking the thing i miss most abt a relationship is always having some1 to hang out w or be around#especially physical side cause i am very physically affectionate !!! and tryin to get back to it .#its been hard cus of well ...trauma and also the pandemic . overthinking . itd help if i cried i think#i coulsve put this all ina read more ..too late now LOL !#i just want to word vomit . been stuck in a bad nasty rude to myself feedback loop abt NOT venting and NEEDING to reach out directly#but good gd its difficult when we are All exhausted . and when i judt Need the vocal speak vs typing#if u read all this mess thank you LOL . ill be okay . ive got to let myself feel this
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