#and i think i have a good enough income to support owning a car as well as my parents still <.>

[somecunttookmyurl]

all the while society conflates "being an adult" with "having a proper job" and "having money to make arbitrary Adult Purchases" disabled people who can't work - or can only work part time or can only do entry level baby jobs - will never be 'allowed' to be adults

you can say "being an adult is looking after yourself you don't have to have a job!!!" all you want but most people who say that will still assume anybody who doesn't either can't or won't 'look after themselves' actually. and every 'marker' of 'adulthood' that's observable and thus actually counts or whatever loops back around to... having a job and 'contributing' something

[boymilf]

I wiiiishhhh I decided to be normal and learn to drive when I was 16 eek!!!! I'm having my first driving lesson tomorrow morning and I'm TWENTY THREE idk why I feel so humiliated. my mum didn't learn to drive til she was 30.. but it's so mortifying to me rn. what the tuna

[dwindlinghaze]

a flight to paris

(remus lupin x reader)

summary: you and remus have been in an established relationship for years but one day you received an unexpected break up call from him.

contents: she/her pronouns, modern!au, angst (?), break up, inspired by a barbie movie, my horrible english, i wrote this out of boredom, oh and this is a multipart :)

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

on most days you enjoy your summer holiday. you have a part time job in which you worked for a magazine, having your own personal workspace in the office headquarters and all.

your days are mostly surrounded by the latest style, magazine covers, hollywood gossip, and beautiful photoshoots of women. it was fun, really. that is if mr. wellins wasn't your boss.

he's a walking patriarchal figure. hate is not enough to describe your feelings towards that man.

"i don't think that's a good idea to put in there," you spoke during one of the meetings.

"what do you mean? it's a good one, everybody will be intrigued!" he scoffed.

you shifted uncomfortably in your seat, glancing at the others but they just gave you a warning look. no one dared to go against mr. wellins. "it just doesn't feel right y'know- to put that in there considering it's just an allegation and not confirmed?"

"but we focus on marketing here! who will pay your wage if it weren't for these nosy people who read and buy our magazines? we have to find a way to get our sales higher!" he said sternly, glaring at you with cold eyes.

"look here, if you put that article, surely our reputation will be stained. you don't want that to happen do you? we just need to find something else- something more positive and harmless but still eye catching. like the new box office movie that everyone has been talking about lately. it doesn't harm anyone, in fact it's supporting them. what do you think?"

every one of your co-workers nodded in agreement, waiting for the boss to reply.

he looked bored. "you know that flapping thing you just did with your mouth?"

"you mean- expressing my opinion on what's better for the sake of your company?"

"yeah that," he rolled his eyes. "stop doing that."

"i think y/n's right, makes me wish she were the boss," one of your co-workers mumbled under her breath.

he looked sharply at the girl, "i can easily fire you."

"oh no no, i feel like we just- need to discuss about this more you know?" you defended.

"oh get off this place. end of discussion!"

"we can talk like in the coffee shop, or the commissary-"

"not me getting off, you getting off. get out you're fired!" he slammed his fist.

"wha- what? fired?" you said breathlessly, eyes widen in shock.

you got to your car, speeding to get home and just curl up in the arms of your boyfriend- remus lupin. you needed him. his constant whispering of sweet nothings, his warm embrace, his smile that can rip away all negativity.

just like magic, your phone started ringing with remus in the other line. screen lighting up, his pretty face on the screen. you smiled, so big and decided to stop at one of the parking lots nearby.

"hello?" you heard the sweet voice of remus lupin.

"oh rem! i'm so glad you called!" you exclaimed, heart warming at his comforting voice.

"things aren't right with us and you know it. they haven't been for a while," he said. his ever-lovely voice that makes you feel safe was nowhere to be heard. your heart dropped, chest hurting all of a sudden.

"what?" you choked on the verge of sobbing. "remus come on."

"i'm breaking up with you... right now." he said it like you don't matter to him at all. you clenched your phone, eyes already hurting from the incoming tears.

"you're not... are you serious? what are you saying?" you thought your day couldn't get worse, but the universe said otherwise.

"it's over. and if you're smart, you'll forget i exist."

and just like that, the line disconnected. you couldn't stop the tears from falling out of your eyes. not only have you lost your job, you also have lost your remus.

you never thought he would ever break up with you. especially since you both were in a strong relationship of four years. no matter what problems appeared on the surface, they always got resolved.

wiping your tears away, you tried to drive safely to lily's house. your best friend. you needed someone to talk to. someone to pour your heart out.

"i lost my job and he broke up with me," you said in shame when she opened the door to see you with red rimmed eyes.

"he broke up with you because you lost your job?" lily gasped.

"no... separately," you sobbed. then you told her the whole story of how you've had lost your job and how he broke up with you on the phone in your car just then.

"what kind of guy does that!" lily said in disbelief. it's so not remus to break up with you like that. knowing how much he loves you since forever ago. you two are perfect for each other. nothing could ever compare to the bond you both had.

"i guess a guy with no real emotions," you huffed, reaching for lily's tissue.

lily suggested for you to call remus again, 'cause no way is someone like him said something like that to you. there was no response though, he's not answering.

"maybe you misunderstood. what did he actually say?" lily asked once more.

"he said that it was over, and if i were smart i'd forget he ever existed," his words ringing in your ears.

"does he speak another language where it means 'i love you'," lily tried, you shook your head.

"that's it," she picked up your phone. "i'm blocking him from your cell, e-mail, everything! you do not break up with anyone like that! when i'm done, we're gonna go somewhere that you love. a place where you feel happy and good about yourself."

"i wanna go far away," you mumbled.

"that's right, you should go far away and clear your head! forget about them. men are getting harder to like these days," lily agreed, snapping her fingers.

"i'll go far away... like aunt milicent's!" you said.

"aunt millicents?" lily asked.

"yeah she's a designer in paris. has a fashion house and everything. i always loved being there. tons of people, energy, fabrics, and dresses... and my aunt in the middle of it all! oh how i want to be like her when i grow up. that's it i'm going there!"

"super fun!" lily exclaimed, truly happy for you. "when are you going?"

"right now! i can spend the last weeks of summer vacation with her," you managed to crack a smile, "i don't need remus. what i need is to book a flight to paris."

"remmy, you can't help me with our summer project if you're on the phone all the time," jessica said, snatching remus' phone out of his hand.

"i just don't get it, i can't get through y/n at all!" remus said in exasperation, brows furrowing in confusion and worry clouding up his head.

"i'm sure she's fine," jessica said, fluttering her lashes.

remus was unconvinced, he couldn't focus the whole time. "it has been since yesterday."

"y/n is a busy person. she'll call when she gets the chance... in the meantime...," she jerked her head towards the script.

"do we have to tape that again... i'm not an actor, i probably sounded stupid," remus scoffed.

"you sounded beautiful," she said, smiling flirtatiously at him.

remus was too fogged up on the thought of you to notice her behaviour. you never ignore him like this. no matter how busy your lives were, you two always made time for each other.

"lils look!" marlene gasped, pointing at remus and jessica sitting together on the table across the room.

"oh no. don't tell me that boy dumped y/n for jessica," lily said in annoyance and disbelief.

the two of them walked over, crossing their arms. "are you kidding?" lily said coldly, shooting daggers at remus.

"lily, marlene! where's y/n?" remus asked, sitting up from his chair. he didn't know why they looked upset.

"why do you want to know?" marlene questioned.

"i can't reach her! i've called, i've texted, i've emailed. nothing worked. is she okay?" remus said desperately.

"y/n's fine. she wants nothing to do with the twat who dumped her over the phone!" lily scolded.

"wha- huh- dumped her?" remus asked in shock. he would never dump you. you're everything to him. "i would never do that, c'mon you guys know how much she means to me!"

"you know what uhh i actually need to run, see you," jessica said, slipping away from the table. nobody paid attention to her though.

"don't play dumb! she told us what you said 'it's over and if you're smart you'll forget i exist'."

"wait what?" remus exclaimed, eyes travelling towards jessica who was chuckling guiltily. "that line... a part of the script i read yesterday. don't say you recorded it and play it back to y/n," he said, eyes closing painfully.

"i'd be happy to tell you that," jessica said, batting her lashes. oh what a nerve. "it was a joke. i never thought she'd actually believed it. she must have serious doubts about the relationship."

remus ignored her, turning towards lily and marlene. "where's y/n? i need to see her now," he said, heart racing at the thought of you.

"uh- she's kind of..." lily slowly replied, eyeing marlene, urging her to finish the sentence.

"in paris."

"paris? paris, france? since when was she going to paris?" remus was panicking. he knew he messed up and he's willing to make it right again.

"uh a long story..."

"what should i do? i need to talk to her as soon as possible," he scrunched his hair, brows knitting.

"y/n went through a lot yesterday... you know what you can do to make her feel better? a grand romantic gesture! don't just call her. go book yourself a flight to paris, show up to her aunt milicent's doorstep, and prove how much you love her!" lily said.

"she'll love it!" marlene agreed.

"i'm on it," he opened his phone to search for a plane ticket. "i'll book the next flight out of london."

[han4el]

How I see the moon signs, as a cancer rising + leo moon

— Aries Moon

So insane... love it. I just never know what to expect from them. When I think I start to understand them, I discover a new layer to them, a new heatwave incoming, ready to melt any drop of hypocrisy, fakeness or illusions. Personally, I never had close friends with this placement, but I've seen them being very supportive with their close ones. Even if they sometimes say something rude or out of the pocket, it's usually good intended and they only say it if they think it's absolutely necessary (unless you're annoying to them, then they'll just straight up bully you).

Random associations: PE competitions in middle school, angry apologies, crying and laughing at the same time, being mad at someone for being nice to you, being the life of the party for the "the life of the party" people, the best friend of the popular/famous girl, getting giddy with your pet after just yelling at someone, MOOD SWINGS, having a favorite person that shapes your personality more than you think, friendly bullying, loyalty, no bs, no cap, you get what you give, nothing more and nothing less, being remembered by that one friend who checks on you everytime you're struggling, night car rides, uncontrollably laughing in serious situations, red velvet cake, cinnamon, sharp eyeliner, messy hair, making a competition out of anything and getting mad at the fact that you're the only one taking it seriously, always trying to be the best, long-term friendships (like 10 years long), sunstrokes, nosebleeds, blacking out, tremors before fighting, mafia romance, russian models, dry red wine, learning how to fight just to defend yourself, fast life, being in a relationship with someone you low-key hate, fruity and spicy perfumes, enjoying burning paper as a way of releasing stress, feeling relaxed after getting someone else mad instead, forgetting to eat, mixing random pieces but somehow making the outfit work, being the only one who can pull off a piece of clothing or a specific style (usually it looking weird on other people), scratch marks after playing with your pets, having new big dreams every month, red hair, freckles, tanned skin, arm wrestling, boys teasing their crushes, the one who always gets in trouble.

What I love about this placement: the commitment, ambition, devotion, the passion, the energy, the random bursts of emotions. If you need someone to inspire you into doing something, call these guys. They'll make you want to change your life 360° in one night (and most probably actually doing half of those things in one week). They're really good at just getting the sh*t done themselves. Unapologetically authentic and autonomous. The developed ones are actually very good at controlling their feelings and using them for their advantage. Maybe it's just me, but the aries moons I've seen had really pretty skin, usually with freckles. Oh and their noses are usually very pointy or just look that way. Their faces overall just seem very athletic. You might think they do sports even if they don't (they secretly do). Very serious about their purpose. Will never look at you again if you take their dedication for granted. Also, won't waste their time with you if they sense your weak morale, lack of self-awareness or if you don't really wish to change anything in your life. That's an ick for them.

What I dislike about this placement: how fast they forget their old projects and sometimes ex friends (I know it's for their own good, though). Their impulsivity... they will look you in the eyes and say the most gut wrenching threat then forget completely about it 5 minutes later and act all weird if you remind them of it as if it's your fault that you made them "mad enough to behave like that". That loud a** voice in those situations when y'all REALLY have to keep it down 😭 also they're rarely empathetic, so don't run to them when you have a problem (unless you're bffs, then they'll fight whoever hurt you).

My experience with them: 6/10

I might make this a series. Tell me what you think.

[jangofettjamz]

The Birthday Boy

Jenna Ortega x Autistic!Male!Reader

Summary: You finally get to celebrate your birthday for the first time, and with the one you love.

Words: 1552

Y/N POV

Today is my birthday. I've never really celebrated it; family never really bothered. Now that I'm older it just seemed more insignificant. No one to celebrate it with, and let's be honest and no one wants to celebrate it on their own.

Jenna was out working, I never told her when my birthday was because I didn't want to interrupt her filming schedule, she's already got enough on her plate she doesn't need to worry about getting me gifts for my birthday she has a career to grow.

I've turned 20 today; Jenna turning 21soon. 20 years feel a bit surreal not gonna lie, crazy to think it's been that long since I was born. I try not dwell on that to much, it'll just send me spiralling.

I do wish I had a good birthday though, the feeling of being celebrating. I know this may sound narcissistic, but I always wanted to be celebrated, have a day just about me. I wanted to feel like everyone could come together and show support for me even if it was just for one day, I never had that kind of love growing up so I'd like to know what that's like, though I doubt it'll happen.

My father never paid any attention to me growing up, saying I was too much of a hassle to put up with. You know you have a bad parent when they have to "put up" with you  instead of loving you unconditionally, but hey beggars can't be choosers, right?

Me thinking about how life could've been was making me depressed so I decided to go out for breakfast, I got dressed and got the keys to my car and went out get food.

On the way there I get an incoming call from Jenna, thought she would've been busy this morning so this was a pleasant surprise. I answered but kept my eyes on the road.

"Hello darling, how'd you sleep" she asked, she knows I don't sleep well when she's gone.

"Um... I slept okay, probably could've got more sleep though. I'm just going to that Italian place we went to a month ago for some breakfast. How's shooting going" I asked, she's currently filming for her new movie 'death of a unincorn' with Paul Rudd.

"Filming's going great, Paul's really cool and I can't wait for you to meet him, he's knows you're a marvel fan too." She giggles mischievously, that little minx.

"Jenna why'd you say that." I whine feeling embarrassed.

"Aw babe, don't be shy he thinks you're really cool." She says reassuringly.

"Yeah sure he does" I say sarcastically, making her laugh. "Do you know when you'll be home?" I miss her dearly, I need to see her soon.

She let's out a sigh, I brace myself for bad news. "Sorry, sweet boy. I won't be back for another week." I let out sad sigh and a whine, I missed her alot.

"Hey, hey, don't be upset baby boy, I'll be home before you know it and we'll have so much fun together. The week will go by quick I promise." She cooed, she always knew what to say to put me at ease.

"Alright sweetie I have to go, drive safe for me and I'll see you very soon." She blew a kiss through the phone "I love you, sweetheart"

"I love you too, Jenna." We end the call and I continue my journey.

I arrive at the restaurant, this is gonna drain my social battery for today so I hope I don't have to to anyone that much, I just wanna get my food, eat then leave.

I ate my food peacefully, the staff were wonderful, definitely going there again for breakfast. I leave the restaurant and do some birthday shopping for myself, figured I may aswell treat myself to something nice for my "big day"; I sound miserable.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I feel my phone vibrate, a few text messages from some of my friends and cast mates from scream 5 and 6. I read them and I was shocked, how did they know...

Jasmin

Hey Y/N/N, hope you're having a lovely birthday. Can't wait you see you soon.

Devyn

Howdy stranger, happy birthday my love, you're 20! Hope you're doing well and I'll see you soon... very soon. 😈

Mikey

Looks like someone has a birthday today... AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME! HOW DARE YOU! Besides that betrayal I miss you so much Y/N, happy birthday my sweet.

Mason

Hey man, looks who's 20 years old! Happy birthday bud, hope you have a good one.👍

Melissa

Hey hey, it's the birthday boy! Happy birthday honey, you deserve the best birthday in the world. All the best from me and my husband.

Jack Quaid

Hey buddy, happy 20th birthday! I miss you alot pal, Karl and Antony send their birthday wishes too. Hope to see you soon, buddy.

I was shocked; flabbergasted even. How did they know, they couldn't have possibly...unless. I looked the last message, it was from Jenna, the mastermind behind this.

❤️Jenna❤

Hi baby boy, guess who found out when your birthday is! You never told me when it was but I asked around and viola! Happy birthday sweet boy, I promise we'll see each other very very soon. I love you so much, sweetheart.❤

That little minx... this is why I love her so much, I can't begin to express how much I love her and this just solidifies that. I sent her a message back saying I love her and continue to the mall.

But as I walk to the shopping mall I see three woman who look very familiar, they're wearing party hats too. No... no way... it can't be...

Jenna POV

The look on Y/N's face is priceless, he looked shocked, excited, and emotional at the same time. I think me, Jasmin and Devyn did good on surprising him.

"JENNA?!" He says with glassy eyes.

"C'mere sweetheart" I say and open my arms, he runs towards me and I wrap him in a tight hug.

"I missed you so much" he said while crying, he's such a cutie oh my god.

"Aww sweetie, I missed you too, so much honey. I've been tracking you on Life360 and we intercepted you here. Happy birthday my love, I know you don't like big crowds so I brought Devyn and Jasmin with me" they spoke up.

"Happy birthday, Y/N/N. It's so good to see you, I've missed you alot." Devyn says making him smile widely.

"It's been too long since we've seen you Y/N, how have you been?" Jasmin asks. He lifts his head from my neck and speaks.

"Better now that you guys are here, I haven't really been feeling the best since I've been on my own, I'm so glad you're here Jenna." I hold him and rub his back in comfort.

I want him to really enjoy his birthday today, I already have stuff waiting for him at home. I think he's gonna love it. "Let's go do some shopping and then we'll go home, I have a surprise for you." His eyes lit up and I kiss his cheeks.

- 2 hours later

Y/N drove behind me as we made our way back home. Jasmin and Devyn went home soon after we shopping. We park up to the driveway and he joins me at the front door.

"Close your eyes, birthday boy" I ask and he looks at me with caution.

"What are you planning now, Ortega?" He asks me; suspicion in his voice.

"Just close them silly" he obliged and I take his hand to guide him to his surprise. We reach the living room. "Okay, open your eyes sweetheart."

He opened them and is met with countless presents ranging from: action figures and Lego sets from their favourite franchise, new clothes, PC parts and much much more. I wanted to spoil him and make up for the 20 years of birthdays he missed out on. He looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"Jenna... is this all mine?" He asked, still not believing that he finally had a proper birthday.

"All yours, sweetness" I hug him as tight as I can, he cries into my shoulder out of, what I can only assume, happiness. "Don't cry honey, it's okay. That's all for you because I love you so so much, you deserve this my love, you deserve the world." I cooed softly.

"Thank you so much" he said through his cries.

"You're so welcome, my beautiful birthday boy." I say then kiss his forehead, cheeks and lips.

"Wait here, baby boy" I head into the kitchen and grab his cake. I light the candles and head back into the living room.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Y/N, happy birthday to you." I sing and he blows out his candles.

I cheer and set the cake on the table. He smiled so brightly, he finally got to have a real birthday to celebrate.

Happy birthday Y/N.

A/N

Not my birthday, but I thought it'd make a good story. I hope you enjoyed.

[giantkillerjack]

the average person doesn't expect you to be a perfect ethical consumer, that's not possible for the vast majority of us. but what youre saying is it's better to do nothing at all and choose the worst possible options (sweat shops, overseas shipping waste, idea/product theft, all wrapped up in SHEIN) than to put even the tiniest effort in where you can.

[they are referring to this post]

What I said was "some people are doing literally everything they can to survive and have no extra bandwidth to spend extra time and money on their purchases, and it is cruel and therefore un-punk to gatekeep punkness and add additional shame to these people's lives based on that fact."

I think it's still a good thing to try to ethically consume; I literally never said it wasn't. I had never even heard of SHEIN before. Rather, I am much more concerned about what I saw as arbitrary gatekeeping based on ability and income.

And frankly how dare you claim that I am supporting sweatshops and abuse by saying that this additional work you are demanding (in this case, presumably, vetting every clothing company you buy from) is not always possible for people. It is not a light accusation to accuse me of supporting abuse.

"How dare you say we piss on the poor", Etc. 🙄 this isn't Twitter. You are determined to enforce moral purity, but you are failing to see the nuance.

Because when I say "no extra bandwidth," I mean no extra bandwidth. This is not the "car shows it's on E but actually secretly it has a lot of gas left" situation that abled people constantly assume disabled people mean when they say they are at their limit.

This is "the car has stopped moving, and to move it I'd have to break my body pushing it." This is "at a certain point, people will hit a wall in terms of money and time and energy, and any energy spent after that comes directly out of their life force."

So the argument "okay but just spend a little more time money and energy actually" is not a valid one.

And the argument "if you are not able to do this specific task, then it means you're not doing anything else to make the world a better place" doesn't exactly impress me either. You said yourself that it is impossible to be a perfectly ethical consumer for most people.

How do you know what else people are doing to resist oppression? How many hours per week until your standards are met?What if someone works 3 jobs? Does that mean it's harder to be a good person if you're poor?? Why do you get to decide what specific avenue of bettering the world is the most morally repugnant or acceptable? What kind of proof of goodness and effort would make you satisfied enough to lay off on the shame?? Who are you helping??

Clothing is a fundamental human need, and some of us have to buy cheap fucking clothes quickly. Billionaires are buying their seventh yacht this month. The people who own fast fashion companies are abusing their workers and putting local affordable clothing stores out of business - and this applies for basically every company with price points that low because governments are failing to regulate corporations to enforce basic human rights.

I have $300 to spend on a new wardrobe as my old clothes have fallen apart or become too small. Do you have a way for me to get a new winter coat, 3 flannels, 10 shirts, 3 dress shirts, new sandals, 10 pairs of pants, 5 bras, 12 pairs of socks, and 10 pairs of underwear within that budget and also definitely 100% ethically sourced, with free returns in case it doesn't fit? Or will I simply have to use the cheap stores?

I have about an hour to spend on this per week. Many mainstream stores doesn't make clothes in my size, and I am now in *year 5* of needing an electric wheelchair and being unable to get one; plus I live up a flight of stairs, so I can't even bring my walker out with me - so thrift shopping is not gonna cover this. Should I continue to wear small and tattered clothing until I have the time, money, and energy to meet your standards?

Did you know there are more empty homes in this country than homeless people? If I decide to splurge on only 100% ethically-produced products, and I can't make rent, and I become homeless, are YOU going to be there for me?? Or are you too busy litigating the endless tiny shames of poverty in your own community?

So I ask you again, are you SURE this is where you want to direct your punk energy?

Because there are a whole lot of rich people relying on people like us punching down and to the side instead of looking up to see where the money is going.

Because energy and time, as it turns out, are limited resources. And I would never expect you to secretly have more than you claim to have.

[freonblue]

wrestling with the moral OCD lately

ok so, we generally agree that working for a defense contractor or being a cop is bad

but what about working at a bank, with all their bullshit fees and sometimes predatory loans? What about working for a payment processor that casually grinds sex workers underfoot as "too risky" and "too much hassle"?

Working entry level in the call center might be one thing, but what about getting promoted and working hard and moving up, until you're a loan underwriter? someone who's making the impactful decisions and enforcing the policies and putting the good of the company over the wellbeing of the customer base and the public?

How evil is it to be working for a company whose major customers are in the oil industry, with all we know about how environmentally catastrophic oil drilling is, not to mention the absolutely horrible ways Native water protectors are treated?

Obviously none of these things are on "killing babies with drones" level.

But.

There are so many things to care about. How do you decide what matters?

A lot of people say landlords are evil. Do they mean just corporations buying up homes as investment vehicles? What about a person who rents out a spare room? What about a small-scale landlord who owns a couple houses, is quick and responsive on repairs, doesn't nickel and dime their tenants, and is pleasant to work with?

We agree that it's impossible to become a billionaires without exploiting other humans.

But the whole goddamn stock market is built on the prioritization of profit over all. Even if I just contribute to my 401k, that's being invested in stock market funds. I'm indirectly profiting off companies using prison slave labor, or companies bottling and selling fresh water that should be a public resource.

We point out that the way white people talk and think about poorer neighborhoods is pretty racist. But is it racist for me to think maybe I'd like to live somewhere that doesn't smell so strongly of urine? that maybe I'm willing to spend more to live somewhere with fewer gunshots and less screaming?

Where do you draw the line? How do you construct a coherent system of personal ethics without going mad?

I mean, I grew up in a cult where morality was rigidly black and white. I grew up on "give all you have to the poor and follow Jesus" and "tithe a minimum of 10% of your gross income to god/the church/the poor/holy causes" and st francis of assisi and "cast your bread upon the water."

for a long time I believed that if I had enough to survive on it was my duty to give away the rest

and I spent years barely surviving because of that, because I prioritized supporting others who mostly just took me for granted instead of saving for emergencies

because I was more comfortable working shitty minimum wage jobs than ever being so crass as to pursue money

Also like, I don't believe in god or jesus anymore so I'm pretty sure I don't have to follow a bunch of rules that maybe were just hammered into me by pastors who wanted me to fund their new church buildings?

I am so over the mother teresa bullshit that suffering is inherently virtuous

Fuck that.

I'm tired of precarity.

It feels goddamn good to know I can afford emergency car repairs and regular maintenance. To buy myself little treats and clothes that actually fit. To watch my savings go up each month.

I want to stack up a big fat wad of cash and never be broke again. I want to know I can take care of myself and the people I love. I want to build a life with time for leisure and relationships and parenting and all the things that matter.

I think I could probably make a lot more money if I could swallow my crippling sense of moral injustice and just chase the almighty profits.

But I'm terrified it will make me evil

[h0-0d]

Fic Masterlist

Reijean

Silent Letters - Unfinished,

6/8 chapters

Reiner Braun is a college student. Everyday, he wears the skin of someone else to cover his rotten, broken figure.

Maybe, just maybe, he could've died in that car crash.

Maybe, just maybe, this would have made this World a better place.

Who would even care, At this point ?

(Hint: Jean)

Routine is a luxury -

One shot

Now that the world has become a quieter, nicer place, Reiner has all the time to think about his life. How he was fooled as a child, fooled himself as a teenager, and now longs for an honest, true relationship. With both himself and Jean. Written for ReiJeanWeek2024 with the prompt: Marriage proposal, Post-Rumbling

The sun sets on your hands -

One Shot

Note to self: Never let Reiner unsupervised in a kitchen. -Jean

Cycle of Sand -

One Shot

27th of May, 1057. Last man standing. A curse. Nothing could plug the hole in his heart. Nothing but the distant sound of Reiner's footsteps coming his way. (Day 4 of Reijean Halloween Week: Mad World)

Berumin

Adolescent Fires- Finished,

9/9 chapters

How meeting and discovering the secret side of Bertholdt Hoover awoke both the fires of pain and pleasure inside Armin's heart.

Written for ArminWeek2024

To bite into the Apple - Unfinished,

6/? Chapters

Bertholdt Hoover is not that interesting to observe, if you don't take into account his incredible tallness. Yet he claims to hold no will of his own, as he lies to everyone's face about his motives. Behind the quiet boy hides a terrified child... Or is it a souless beast ? A simple cadet will come to uncover the mess of this tangled mask, look at his true form and ask himself wether Bertholdt is a friend or a murderer. The answer will surely divide opinions. The worse about it, not even Bertholdt knows the truth.

Letter for the Soiled, Wicked and Victim -

One Shot

Armin writes a letter to Bertholdt Hoover after the events of Shiganshina.

Hidden in the Sand - Finished,

2/2 chapters

Bertholdt and him had fought against everything to choose this path of resignation from the conflict. Armin spends all his days in a comfy home surrounded by an idyllic landscape and the most gentle and quiet of boyfriends. Why ask for more ? Why even want more ? But soon enough, a voice comes to him. A scream, a gush of blood that splatters on his face. Was this destiny too good to be true ?

The ghost of a touch -

One shot

Bertholdt is sick today. That's unusual for sure, so Armin makes sure everything goes well and ensues his recovery. Just some cute scenes of them loving each other :)

Miscellaneous

Bitter tea taste - finished

Pairing : Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith

3/3 Chapters

Levi sometimes thinks back to the time he spent around Erwin Smith. And how he supported, believed and loved a man who never stopped moving forward.

Garden in the Flowered Waters -

Pairing: Bertholdt Hoover/Jean Kirstein

One shot

In which Jean Kirstein is figuring himself out, and might or might not harvest some tension around other boys. In which Bertholdt Hoover is a shy mess and won't act on his desires. Basically, a crack fic were they explore each other during training. I need this to heal from the end of the anime, take it or leave it lolz.

Every end of a time is another begun -

Pairing: Jean Kirstein/Armin Arlet

One shot

Armin's nights became sleepless since he returned from the Shiganshina mission. Disgusting feelings intertwines with horrible memories. Jean comes next to him one night, and sticks up with him until he understands what's happening.

Incoming

- A nameless 40k long Berujean draft (or is it berumin??? Reibert ??? REIJEAN???)

- Many more. Stay tuned ;)

[abyssalpeach]

up against the ropes (a matcha blossom fic). rated e. also on ao3.

"Are you sure you don't have a concussion?" Kojiro's voice lowered to a hoarse whisper.

"Positive."

a/n: i promise this started out totally normal and achingly tender before the brain worms whispered The Unholy Headcanon to me. pls forward this to my lawyer for when they come to take me away to horny jail.

anyway cheers to posting fic on tumblr again because somebody around here needs to start clogging the mb tag

Life was slowly returning to normal after the fateful S tournament where Langa had thoroughly whooped Ainosuke’s ass at his own game and Kaoru came out the other end seriously injured.

He had sustained a sprained ankle, a minor concussion, and the big one: a hairline fracture to his wrist.

He’d been lucky enough through the years to be a skilled and precise enough skater to avoid most injuries that would impede his work, but his luck had to run out eventually. Kaoru was honestly surprised it took even this long. He was not immune to bailing every once in a while.

But now his skating had massively affected his income for the first time in his entire adult life. It was a good thing he was self-employed and in an artistic profession where he could make his own rules and use art block as an excuse to push a deadline a little, but it didn’t stop him from feeling uncomfortable with it.

His injuries on the other hand, were harder to explain away when they were so visible. He had to come up with an excuse at some point, and for someone with as much pride and poise as Kaoru, a nasty spill down the stairs was simply not a believable reason.

So, he told the truth. At least, as much of it as he was comfortable telling. He fell off a skateboard. Whether they inferred that he was a novice and simply trying to entertain one of his young relatives was none of his concern. They could think what they like.

He would’ve rather said that he’d gotten hit by a car, but it would surely look suspicious if he wasn’t involved in any kind of investigation or trial afterwards. Best to stick as close to the real story as possible and let people draw their own conclusions.

People were surprisingly generous with him during his time of injury. Maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised, but his clientele always struck him as being fairly rigid. That’s why he took out all of his piercings and did his best to compartmentalize the different areas of his life. The resistance he was expecting to be met with when he was forced to push back dates for demonstrations and signing events was practically non-existent.

These things happen, they would say, as if he wasn’t a twenty-something year old professional admitting to falling off a skateboard. The reactions had him questioning whether or not he needed to be so cautious with his presentation and reputation after all.

There were too many things going on in his life that he was second-guessing now. Nothing was what it seemed to be anymore and he’s not entirely sure what to make of it. Kaoru spent so much time doing calculations, statistics, risk assessments, and not even the data could support the litany of weird shit he was enduring the past few months.

He really had come to terms with the fact that he was always going to be a little bit in love with Kojiro. He was always the nurturing sort, but he’d never gotten to experience it to that degree before. They spent every waking hour together for three whole weeks and somehow hadn’t killed each other yet.

Kaoru knew he was a needy person, and a jealous one at that. If he took it out on Kojiro unnecessarily sometimes, he was met with retaliation, and rightly so. He just couldn’t help himself. Kojiro could slut himself out to whoever he chose, but Kaoru would be damned if any of those women received the five-star treatment from Kojiro that he got.

No one could rile Kojiro up like he could. No one could critique Kojiro’s cooking like he could. No one could understand Kojiro like he could. Sure, they may have his bed for a night if they were lucky, but Kaoru held onto Kojiro’s heart with a vice grip and wouldn’t relinquish it for anything.

If Kaoru was going to be forced to live a life without enduring romance or marriage, he would make sure Kojiro was too. They were in this together, god dammit, they had been since they were in fucking kindergarden. They’ve done everything together for decades, that wasn’t about to change.

Maybe it wasn’t the best mentality for him to have, actually he knew it wasn’t, but he couldn’t exactly talk himself out of his own feelings. Lord knows he’s tried to do that enough times over the years. A crush on his straight best friend and the biggest fuckboy in town. It was so embarrassing.

It was honestly kind of sick, this game that he’s been playing with Kojiro in his own mind. Maybe he just liked the thrill of the chase or always wanted things he couldn’t have and wouldn’t even know what to do if he got what he wanted, but these thoughts remained in the back of his mind throughout the years and all their petty squabbles. Life changes, but Kojiro never does.

He really needed to be less selfish. It’s not as though he deserved Kojiro’s kindness. The man has surely spent an ungodly amount of money throughout the years just to feed him. He probably writes it off as a business expense on his taxes, the damned fool.

“You’re my taste tester,” Kojiro rationalized. “I shamelessly use your discerning palette and instead of paying you in money, you would rather be paid in carbonara. You’re doing me a service.”

He’d do him a service alright. Glorious idiot.

It was a special kind of torture sharing space with him for so long. Waking up to breakfast in bed, afternoons spent doing nostalgia rewatches of their favorite stupid childhood shows, elaborate dinners, being bathed by him. It was… intimate. There really was no other word for it. Every night they parted ways after Kojiro had diligently washed his hair and dragged a soapy cloth across his back, every night he expected the tension to get the better of them, and every night Kojiro eased Kaoru into bed and excused himself to the couch.

And that was it. The cast and splint came off and Kojiro went home. His entire routine had been disrupted now. He had gotten used to all of the attention and care. And they still hadn’t killed each other. That part continued to baffle him. He didn’t feel smothered. Kojiro wasn’t sick to death of his neurotic behavior. If anything, he felt closer to Kojiro than ever before. It was like there was a seismic shift in the earth under him and he was, what? Expected to go back to how things were before? Fat chance.

He was able to repeat the same movements as before, going to Sia la Luce after he finished up with clients for the day, going to S together, working on improvements for Carla well into the night before passing out under the kotatsu. But something was missing. Big surprise, it was Kojiro. He hardly needed Carla to spell that one out for him.

It’s later than usual by the time he arrives at Sia la Luce, the lights in the dining room are already off, save for the ones above the counter he’s claimed as his own. The door is unlocked, but Kojiro is nowhere in sight.

He wanders into the kitchen to see if there’s something in the cooler worth raiding, but he finds his best friend casually sitting on the floor.

“Oh, hey. Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in,” Kojiro brings the bottle of whatever he’s drinking up to his mouth.

“That’s alright, I was overstepping my boundaries anyway.”

Kojiro lets out a thunderous laugh. “I hardly have boundaries when it comes to you, but good of you to own up to it.”

“Shut up, asshole,” he laughs. It’s a bit awkward. They need to have a serious conversation for once, and they both know it. “By the way, I... wanted to thank you.” Kaoru avoided his gaze, weight shifting between his feet.

Kojiro simply stared, not sure he was hearing that correctly. Kaoru continued, “For taking care of me.”

That seems to please him. “Somebody’s gotta do it. Not like Carla can carry you to bed.”

“Oh, fuck off. I’m trying to be nice.”

“You could certainly stand to do it more often, considering how much I feed you.”

Kaoru smiles softly, gaze dropping to his feet. “What are you doing on the floor anyway?”

“Having a beer, obviously. Want one?” Kaoru shook his head, moving to join him on the floor. He continued, “It was just a long day. Feet hurt.”

“Chairs too sophisticated for neanderthals now?” It almost sounded like a pet name.

“Is work going alright? How’s your wrist?”

“I’m fine, Kojiro. You don’t need to worry after me, you know.”

“Somebody should.” His answering smile is almost sad.

Silence fell heavily between them. Carla could never give him this. Ainosuke certainly never did. It was just Kojiro. Always Kojiro. “Would it be weird to say that I miss you?”

“I hope not, because I miss you too.”

“We should do something. See a movie, maybe.”

“We should. A movie sounds great actually, there’s one I was kinda wanting to see.” Kojiro pulls his phone out and is looking up showtimes, forwarding him a link to the trailer as he goes. It doesn’t look half bad for an action movie. It looks fun and fairly mindless, as they tend to be.

It’s a bit late and they’ve missed the last showing of the night, but they make a plan to go tomorrow. They settle back into their companionable, if slightly awkward, silence. Kojiro nurses his beer and Kaoru steals glances at his large hands, veiny and strong. His motions are not his own as he reaches for one and holds their palms up together, noting the difference in size.

Kojiro’s hands have always been a morbid fascination of his. He just likes to suffer, apparently. They’re large, but dextrous, with a couple prominent veins down the back. There’s some hair there now, not much, but it certainly wasn’t there when they were younger. What’s always been there is the smattering of freckles. Loathe as he is to admit it, he loves when Kojiro gets really tan and the freckles come out even more.

Kojiro’s hands have a couple burns on them and are a bit calloused from all the cooking and skating and working out. It almost makes him wish his own hands had half as much character. They’re soft and slender, not even particularly masculine, just generic. The only noteworthy thing about his hands is what they’re able to create.

Perhaps in this moment, he could use his hands to express the depth of his feelings to Kojiro. Something to avoid having to say it out loud.

Kojiro is watching their hands with rapt attention, his eyes soft but… pained? Before Kaoru can get the wrong idea about Kojiro rejecting him in that moment, he finds their fingers laced together. He’s never felt so warm.

“Kaoru…”

His face is so close. Kaoru can feel his warm breath on his cheek. He can feel his own blush. He dares a look into Kojiro’s eyes and finds everything he could’ve ever hoped for, but was too scared to imagine.

“Are you sure you don’t have a concussion?” Kojiro’s voice lowered to a hoarse whisper.

“Positive.”

Kojiro’s hand was in his hair, bringing him close to brush their lips together, breathing him in before sealing his mouth over his. A pathetic noise rose from Kaoru’s chest, barely escaping his throat. Kojiro wanted to swallow it. Their hands were everywhere, tangled in hair, tracing along faces, scrambling at arms and shoulders.

They kiss just long enough for reality to sink in, pulling back with startled gasps.

He supposes astonishment is the best adjective to describe the look Kojiro gives him now. His own expression surely isn’t much different. But Kojiro raises their entwined hands to his mouth and presses a soft kiss to the back of his hand.

“Are you hungry,” he asks, as if they haven’t just crossed a line they hadn’t dared tread in the twenty years they’ve known each other. Kaoru nods slowly before letting his forehead rest against Kojiro’s.

“I’ll make your favorite,” his voice is a low rumble, sending shivers down Kaoru’s spine. Kojiro’s knees give an ominous crack when he rises from the floor, making him groan and Kaoru chuckle quietly.

“We’ll see who’s laughing when you get carpal tunnel. Don’t forget you’re next, pinky,” his smile is more disarming than ever, with hand outstretched to assist him off the floor. Kaoru takes the proffered hand, but not without getting in a jibe of his own.

“Maybe if you spent a little less time doing squats…”

“Don’t pretend like you’re not checking out my ass.” Kojiro’s laugh is thunderous when he sees Kaoru floundering for a comeback, knowing he’s been busted.

The rest of the evening passes without any more shocking revelations. Mostly it’s just… normal. There might be marginally less bite to their bickering and the glances they exchange might be a bit more tender, but it’s far from unusual. It’s familiar, and he knows that he’s safe, no matter what that kiss will mean for their relationship when tomorrow comes.

He waits next to the front door while Kojiro finishes locking up. The night air is crisp, the breeze cool instead of warm – a sign that the weather is about to turn from scorching heat to mild and temperate. They may not have seasons in the traditional sense, but it’s not as though it can be hot all the time.

Kojiro walks him home, gentleman that he is. Kaoru would read into it if this wasn’t already part of their routine. A routine they’re so entrenched in that they part ways with a “see you tomorrow” and a friendly wave. No fanfare, no trepidatious kiss to the cheek, nothing.

It’s disappointing really.

He’s mostly on autopilot as he readies himself for bed, thoughts consumed by what tomorrow might bring, mixed in with visions of that tender kiss. His toothpaste foams at the corner of his mouth and the blush sits high on his cheeks. He looks insane.

What kind of giddy teenager has he turned into? He’s a grown man , he should not be so affected by a simple kiss that happened an hour and a half ago.

He hunkers down into his futon and tries to shake it off.

His dreams are of crimson eyes, so soft, and lips that are even softer.

*****

They decide to just meet up at the movie theater since Kojiro bought their seats ahead of time. He tried to pay him back, but Kojiro refused.

God, it was like a real date and they were fighting over the stupid check.

He’s wearing pants for a change. Well, they’re still hakama, he isn’t being too adventurous, but he did pair it with a black halter top. He really ought to wear these pants more. They’re a light sage green color and decorated with small white flowers. He knows they look good with his hair and the fabric feels downright sensual against his skin.

When Kojiro rounds the corner, he doesn’t spot Kaoru right away, giving him a chance to drink his fill of the sight of him. He’s got his black bomber on this time, the one with the leather sleeves that he typically only wears for special occasions.

He’s so fucked.

When they do finally lock eyes, Kojiro’s entire face lights up and strides over to meet him. He does not miss the appreciative way he looks Kaoru up and down. He shifts on his feet, unaccustomed to Kojiro being so brazen with him.

“You look great!” He’s honestly such a child, he’s so giddy. It’s charming as hell.

They head into the theater, making small talk along the way. It’s not often they have time off that lines up, but Kojiro closes early on Sundays and doesn’t reopen until Tuesday.

Kojiro spent his day tidying up around the house and planning menus. Kaoru mostly spent his day fussing over his hair and worrying about tonight, not that he would divulge that particular bit to Kojiro. Instead, he claims to have spent his afternoon tending to Carla’s operating system. If Kojiro sees through the lie, he doesn’t say anything.

They’re early enough that the trailers haven’t started yet, so Kojiro stands in line to get them snacks while Kaoru uses this opportunity to visit the restroom. When he emerges, he finds Kojiro leaning just a tad too far over the counter, talking conspiratorially to the snack counter girl. Before he has the chance to get upset though, Kojiro waves him over with a grin so dopey that it rivals one of the seven dwarves.

Kojiro hands him the sour candies he favors so much and pushes off from the counter. He’s got his own popcorn in one hand and the other draped casually over his shoulders as he walks them to their seats.

“Who was that,” Kaoru inquired, hopefully not sounding too jealous.

“Oh, that was one of Rini’s old friends! Haven’t seen her since she was like eleven years old!”

Rini was one of Kojiro’s younger sisters. He hopes his sigh of relief isn’t too noticeable.

They settle into their seats while Kojiro rambles on about Rini’s friend and how she’s getting ready to graduate and move to Tokyo, where Rini has been for the past year. The way Kojiro talks about the people in his family and their circle around them has always left Kaoru jealous. Not in the sense that he wants to be the only one in Kojiro’s life, but wishing he had something like that to call his own.

His parents weren’t exactly the warm and nurturing type, often keeping Kaoru at a distance. No matter how hard he rebelled as a teenager, nothing seemed to make them pay attention. They’d pay for anything else though: toys, skateboards, a car, tuition. Anything to get him off their back.

It had to be why he gravitated towards Kojiro so much. Just being in the Nanjo house, crowded and messy though it often was, there was love and family to be found there.

Kaoru really needed to get a grip. It’s not like Kojiro would be flirting with someone while they’re literally on a date. If that’s what this even is. Surely it must be. The movie plans predicated the kiss, but it was a pretty straight fucking line from A to B. There was definitely a charged undercurrent to this little outing.

Kaoru squirms in his seat, sneaking glances over at Kojiro’s form next to him. Don’t ask him what’s going on in the movie because all he knows is that Kojiro’s body language is open, but his hands are clutching his popcorn container. He offers it to Kaoru wordlessly, getting in his space and leaning over the armrest. He allows himself to indulge, but it’s not the popcorn he indulges in, it’s Kojiro’s proximity.

They remain close for the rest of the movie, still in their own seats and occasionally shifting to a more comfortable position, but their bodies lean towards each other like magnets. Sometimes Kojiro will whisper something to Kaoru and earn them a shush from someone behind them, making Kaoru outright giggle.

Everything is always funnier when you’re not supposed to be talking or laughing. It reminds him of high school, though usually he was the one getting Kojiro into trouble rather than the other way around.

Life has changed around them. They’re practically whole new people now, but through all their evolutions, they can’t shake each other. They always go together, balancing each other out perfectly.

He wonders if this new development of their relationship will throw a wrench into it all. Much as he wants this, he doesn’t know what he’d do without Kojiro. That’s his best friend. No one in the world knows him better. Maybe they’ll be okay.

In fact, he’s all but sure of it now.

The credits come sooner than either of them expects, and they slowly put themselves to rights and clean up their trash. They wander lazily towards the exit, probably holding up the people behind them.

It’s warmer outside than it was the previous night. The breeze blows through his hair, and it has Kaoru feeling wistful. He takes in a deep breath and looks up at the stars. Neither of them has anything left to say, really. They just stand there in companionable silence, wondering what comes next.

Kaoru looks over to Kojiro, and you’d think he never looked away from the sky for how starry his gaze looks. Kojiro steps close, gingerly tucking a loose hair back behind Kaoru’s ear. He has to take a steadying breath.

“Why don’t you stay at mine tonight,” Kojiro asks.

Unsure whether his voice will come out normal or not, he gives only a curt nod. “I brought the bike,” Kaoru gestures to the Carla motorcycle, trying to get his blush under control, “it’s right over there.”

Kojiro climbs on the back of the bike, legs spread wide and inviting. Kaoru slides between him and the handlebars, turning the ignition. Kojiro lets his hands fall to Kaoru’s waist and he scooches himself even further up. If he feels like he’s being smothered now, he has no idea how he’s going to make it through the rest of the night. The engine roars to life, creating encouraging vibrations beneath them.

Kaoru’s sense of urgency to get them back to Kojiro’s place is only heightened when his hands creep up his ribcage and back down to his hips. They get stopped by a light and Kojiro takes his opportunity to pull Kaoru’s hips even further into his own and drop a hot kiss to where his neck meets his shoulder.

The sound of the bike drowns out much of the obscene moan he lets out, for which he is grateful. They need to get home now.

They’re only a block or so away and Kojiro’s forehead is pressed between his shoulder blades as he tries to calm his breathing.

What feels like mere moments later, he pulls up outside Kojiro’s building and kills the engine. For all the build up, the two are frozen in place, still slotted against each other. This is it. Kojiro steps off the bike first, his hand coming into Kaoru’s line of vision. Their eyes connect and Kaoru can’t help but smirk. Kaoru puts his hand in Kojiro’s and lets himself be pulled from the bike. He doesn’t let go of Kojiro’s hand, even as he fishes through his pockets for his keys.

Once they finally make it into Kojiro’s apartment, they’re immediately reaching for each other. The kiss is explosive and they greedily paw at each other’s clothes. Kojiro’s jacket doesn’t even make it past the genkan. Kaoru’s hakama are hastily discarded so Kojiro can hoist him into the air, legs wrapping around his bulky frame. He sucks relentlessly on Kojiro’s lips and tongue, digging his fingers into his shoulders.

The pleased noises Kojiro makes are sure to haunt his dreams for the rest of his life. Kojiro steers them into his bedroom, dropping Kaoru gracelessly onto the bed. He wriggles out of his jeans and Kaoru grabs a fistful of his shirt, yanking him down on top of him.

They kiss and kiss and kiss, rolling and writhing together, not an inch of space between them.

Kaoru grabs two handfuls of his plump ass, grinding their hips together in a way so filthy that it has Kojiro practically choking for air. “Kaoru, fuck.” They’re both so hard, panting so heavily into each other’s mouths and they haven’t even gotten to the main event. Kojiro extracts himself from Kaoru long enough to grab the condoms and lube from his side table. Kaoru takes the moment to adjust his ponytail higher on his head and snatches the supplies right from Kojiro’s hands.

“Lay down,” his tone leaves no room for argument and Kojiro scrambles up to the headboard to heed him. “Good boy,” he praises before peeling him out of his boxer briefs and taking every impressive inch of him into his mouth.

He doesn’t even ease Kojiro into it, he’s too greedy. He’s immediately taking him all the way to the back of his throat and hollowing out his cheeks, groaning at the taste.

“Jesus fuck, Kaoru, take it easy,” he cries out, head thrown back. “I’m gonna blow my load before we even get to it.”

“Don’t tell me that your reputation is all bullshit.”

“Hey, give me a break! I’ve waited a long time for you, okay,” he runs his fingers through the ends of Kaoru’s ponytail.

“I’d hardly call that ‘waiting,’ you slept with everyone who fluttered their eyelashes in your direction.” Kaoru rips at the condom package and rolls it on, firmly placing the bottle of lube into Kojiro’s hand. He swings a leg over him, straddling his hips with another filthy grind.

“Of course you even wanna fight during sex,” he laughs into Kaoru’s mouth, pulling him down for a kiss, “can’t believe I expected anything less.”

“Yeah, shame on you,” Kaoru slips his tongue into Kojiro’s open mouth as he sinks a slick finger into his ass. The pressure punches a sharp moan from him, but he quickly relaxes into it, rocking his hips back into Kojiro’s hand.

Kaoru spends the next minutes sucking at every bit of skin he can get his mouth on. He wants to devour Kojiro, leave him without a shadow of a doubt who he belongs to. Kaoru drags the flat of his tongue over one of Kojiro’s nipples, keeping direct eye contact and giving it a few more kitten licks until Kojiro is a restless mess beneath him. He finally, finally sinks back onto Kojiro’s fat cock with a firm nip to his chin. He sits back on his haunches with a luxuriant roll of his neck. He can practically feel him in his throat. “Fuck, you’re huge.”

“God, Kaoru, you can’t say stuff like that,” he is clearly fighting for his life down there, “not if you want me to last.”

Kaoru can’t help but chuckle darkly, “Come on, big boy, I know you can do better than that.” Kojiro thrusts up harshly in retaliation. He takes that as an invitation to start moving, swiveling his hips, grinding down and getting used to the feeling of Kojiro inside of him. Kojiro presses his fingers into the meat of his thighs harshly as they sink into a rhythm.

“Fuck, baby, you feel so good,” Kojiro praises.

He wonders how many people he’s called that.

Maybe they should be going slower. Really relishing in the fact that they’re finally doing this after all this time.

Fuck that actually. They’ve waited long enough. They have all the time to go slow later. Now? Now they can be rabid and ravenous, biting and grabbing at each others’ flesh. That’s more their style anyway.

Kojiro throws his head back with a delicious groan. Kaoru only picks up the pace, riding him like it’s his fucking job.

“Kaoru, Kaoru, Kaoru…”

God, he could get used to this. He intends to get used to this, to Kojiro’s enormous body entwined with his, warming his bed, his moans, making his eyes roll back in his head just like that.

Kaoru whips his hair to the other shoulder and brings their mouths together again, panting heavily into each other’s mouths, touching foreheads damp with sweat.

“Kaoru… I’m not gonna last, Kaoru.”

He pours a kiss into his mouth. “Give it to me, Koji. Cum.”

He does what he’s told for a change. Liquid white heat runs through his body and seeps into his veins. Kaoru comes long and thick on Kojiro’s heaving chest, having an out-of-body experience or maybe ascending to a higher state of being.

He watches himself take one slender finger and drag it through his mess.

He marks Kojiro with a singular kanji, drawing it right there on his chest.

Mine.

Mine.

It’s so base of him. And certainly petty. He watches understanding dawn on Kojiro’s face and he worries he’s gone too far.

No. He needs to know.

“No one else.” He leaves no room for argument.

“There never was anyone who could live up to you anyway.” Kojiro agrees all the same, tucking a loose strand of pink hair back behind Kaoru’s ear.

He relaxes and drapes himself along Kojiro’s side, legs still tangled together. Their breathing slowly returns to normal and Kaoru can’t help but smell him. He needs to burn this into his memory in every conceivable way.

Kojiro shifts like he means to get up and start cleaning them off, but Kaoru grips his large bicep and effectively pins him with his gaze.

They can clean up in the morning. For now, they just let it sink in.

[world0fmadness]

What do you do for work? What do your friends and family think of mayhem?

୨୧ for now, i don’t do anything for work! i’m in the talks to get a job very soon but to be honest, it’s not a crazy or extremely fun job though i will enjoy it enough and it pays pretty well considering the really short days i’m in the talks do be doing… it’s just one of those first job jobs, y’know? i’ll just be happy to be getting my own income again

i kind of really don’t have any friends ( except for A from canada, love you so much dude, if you see this which i pray you don’t because i’ve never told you about this blog lolol ) and i don’t mean that in a way like oh y’know i don’t really hang out with anyone i mean it like, i do not know anyone in my town anymore… after depression hit super fucking bad like, six years ago i just lost contact with the small group of friends i had and haven’t ever tried to remake contact due to us having very different interests and such! so no friends but i think i’ve gotten to a point where i’m kind of just cool with it ^w^

my family however, well, my mother finds the history of mayhem to be really interesting and just kind of sad! she isn’t the biggest fan of black metal but she never tells me to turn it off in the car or anything, she just doesn’t listen to it herself lolol! she only really listens to bands like venom and even then, not in her own time… she’s a very supportive mother, honestly i lucked out real good with her because she just supports me in everything and never tries to change my interests! she thinks a lot of people in the black metal scene are cutie pies, in her own opinion, she thinks i would’ve worked best with faust lolol…

my father is long dead, thank fuck for that and if anyone ever wants to desecrate his grave you are absolutely welcome to, just hit me up and i will send you the geo location, the dude sucked

when it comes to other family members, i’m not superrr close with many other family members aside from my grandparents and they definitely are not the biggest fans of black metal nor the history of many bands but they do let me ramble about it to them lolol <3

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #214

Your opinion on smoking: I don't think it's a good idea, but you do you. I don't at all support smoking around others that do not consent to it, however; smoking right outside of public spaces even makes me mad. Second-hand smoke has killed an obscene amount of people. You don't have to touch a cigarette to die from lung cancer.

Have you ever wanted a wild animal for a pet? If yes, what animal? I am very serious about rescuing an opossum one day. I would never do this without the proper education and permit though.

Do you like group work? Absolutely not.

Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No, but I'd like some. It's just not something I'm willing to spend money on when you consider I don't have an income, and I certainly don't care enough to ask for laptop stickers as a present.

Does your grass need cut currently? No, the dude who mows our lawn was here not too long ago.

Are you a godparent? No.

Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? Yep.

How many watches do you own? None.

Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? Girt, for just being a great guy.

Have you ever been carded when buying something? Yes.

Can you have more than one best friend? Of course you can.

What was the last thing you drank? At the time I'm answering this question, I have raspberry lemonade-flavored water.

Do you ever wonder if you will get in a car accident and die? Yes, I do. I'm terrified of cars on the road.

One night stand or relationship? One night stands are not for me.

Do you honestly have any regrets? Yes.

Who was the last girl to say something to you? My mom.

New tats in your near future? No. Of course I WANT loads more, but they're just not my priority right now.

How about piercings or re-piercings? Again, probably not soon, despite wanting more. I'll maybe ask for a nose piercing for Christmas, but that's not exactly soon.

Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to? Two actually. I plan on covering one more (it's very simple and VERY badly placed since it takes up such prime skin real estate for a bigger piece and I want to redesign it and place it elsewhere), and if possible, I actually plan on tampering with my Markiplier tribute tattoo; I no longer want his logo. Not because I don't like him anymore or have forgotten what his content got me through, but it's just not... relevant to my interests anymore. I would have to talk with tattoo artists to see if it's doable, but I'd actually like to adapt it to JUST a space background and, over time, expand the tattoo over the area more to add people and pets I treasured who have passed away, floating in space looking happy with astronaut helmets. I REALLY want this. It'd finally be a prime place to implement Teddy's dedication tattoo, and certainly I'd add my mom when she passes, probably even Steve Irwin, etc. etc.

Have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? Yes, Jason.

Do you have any relatives with red hair? I don't think I do. My maternal grandma dyed her hair a reddish color, but it wasn't natural.

What’s your favorite kind of pasta? Just your average spaghetti with normal sauce, and add meatballs.

Have you ever had rabies? Nope.

Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot? I think so?

Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb? No. I've heard lamb is delicious and I kinda have this urge to try it, but... the idea of eating a literal baby animal fucks with me and I don't think I really want to.

Does your car have heated seats? No, Mom's car is extremely old.

Have you ever been tempted to steal? From my friend as a kid, haha. I was OBSESSED with Dory from Finding Nemo and she managed to get the Dory toy that McDonald's had at some point and I was so envious. Of course I didn't actually take it, though.

Would you rather travel to Ireland or Japan? Ireland.

Does tickling turn you on? It sure doesn't.

What is the age gap between you and your parents? Mom is like two years older.

How many bathrooms does your house have? Is this enough? Two, yes.

Have you ever dated someone who was emotionally or mentally unstable? Yup.

Be honest: are you clingy? Not SEVERELY, but I am. I know how to control clingy urges though, like Girt always says I'm clingy enough for him to feel very loved but also not overwhelmed or like I'm pushing myself on him, he thinks it's a perfect balance.

Have you ever had bronchitis? No, thankfully.

Have you ever had a reptile for a pet? Multiple! My first was Shadow, a Chinese water dragon (I was a kid and they were very improperly cared for, they are not beginner reptiles and I had no idea what I was doing, but they lived the species' full lifespan and was a sweet thing, I hope the sweetheart knows how much I loved them and how differently I'd do things now), and I've also had two snakes in my past: Mona Lisa (died very mysteriously, I was devastated) and Cato, who died VERY quickly because they came to me with some sort of intestinal issue. Don't buy animals from PetSmart. 🙃🙃🙃🙃 Now I've had a champagne ball python morph named Venus for many years, she's my darling. I plan on having MANY more reptiles throughout my life.

Are you afraid of the dentist? I sure am. I never really was until I started to pay for the neglect of my teeth and had painful, scary procedures, plus the extraction of my wisdom teeth without being put to sleep because we couldn't afford it. I had bad problems with not brushing from my depression, simply forgetting, and executive dysfunction, but OH yeah I've learned my lesson and take much better care of them now.

Did you attend Sunday School as a child? I was forced to. Trust me, I wouldn't have gone if I had the choice. I harbor a lot of bitterness about this. I know my mom just wanted the best for me, to be a "saved" child of her god, but I KNOW religion being forced on me played a ginormous role in why I'm so hateful towards its existence, because faith caused me a lot of hell and self-conflict.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t around but their phone is. Do you look through it? No, because I trust him fully.

Have you ever liked anyone that was in a relationship with someone else? More than once. My first crush had a girlfriend, but they were struggling and he confided in me a lot.

Do you think your last ex ever thinks about you? Oh, I know she does. But not positively. She's an extremely hateful person and how dare I betray her by not keeping her being a Nazi a secret.

Would you rather have salad or french fries for a side dish? If I ever, EVER, order a salad over fries, ask with great concern if I'm okay.

Which one of your relationships was the shortest? With Juan. It didn't even last 24 hours.

Which was the longest? Over three and a half years.

Have any of your exes told you they regret breaking up with you? No.

Are you going to be getting any new pets soon? Not soon. I might be talking my mom into a velvet spider for Christmas, though... I talked about it with her recently, and they're small and OBNOXIOUSLY cute (even though she didn't quite think so lol), but because of their size, harmlessness, and I think especially my passion when talking about it, I think she might FINALLY acquiesce about me getting a pet spider. I will fucking cry if she agrees to it come Christmastime. It's no tarantula, but it's still a spider species I adore.

Do you like BBQ sauce? No, I literally hate it.

What do you like to do when you’re home alone? The same thing I do when Mom's here: I do shit on my computer. The only difference is I rarely listen to stuff without earplugs.

Should the guy always pay for the date? lmao shut the fuck up

Do you like Frozen? I don't hate it, I think people claim to hate it just to say they do, but I don't necessarily like it either. There are much better Disney movies.

Do you use Instagram often? Yes, more than usual as of the late.

What is one question you don’t like being asked? What I do for a job or what I even do in my free time.

Who is someone you know who is talkative? My nephew, haha.

Do you know anyone who plays the violin? Not that I know of.

Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? Ozzkat. It's what I use for most places.

Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? Bro I'm autistic, this is my LIFE

If someone told you that we live in a society that hates women, how would you respond? Absolutely agree.

Which of your breakups was the hardest for you to get over? ANYONE who reads these knows it was Jason.

What did you have for dinner last night? We had breakfast for dinner: eggs, sausage, and biscuits. The sausage was a brand Mom had never gotten before and it was the best I'd ever had, but of COURSE it was a more expensive brand haha, so I doubt that'll be common to have.

Do you write poetry? If so, what kind of poetry do you write? I did, mostly just angsty stuff as I dealt with mental illness. I haven't written a poem in a long time, but I actually do have concepts written down that are much more positive and hopeful.

Have your parents traveled to any countries that you have not been to? No.

What's your favorite type of gemstone? Opals of various sorts. I'm also fond of rubies.

Would you rather take a class in fencing or archery? Archery, by far.

Have you ever had a stalker? No, not to my knowledge. For which I am extremely thankful.

What was the last strong scent you smelled? A dead animal somewhere, I think.

When was the last time you changed your outfit? This evening, when Girt and I got home from Charlotte from him getting the exercise bike Javier was selling. I changed into my pjs.

What was the last thing you took a picture of? The worm snake I found at Ashley's house and showed the kids!

What were the positives and negatives of your last week? Positives are definitely multiple instances where I've really challenged my fears. The most obvious negative is I'm not as happy as I could be with my new psychiatrist; she's not as bad as the last, but still quite rude, EXTREMELY interruptive when I or Mom are talking, and just made me feel like a total fucking idiot.

What is one of your wildest dreams or ambitions? To have a photograph published by National Geographic.

What was the subject of your last phone conversation? My dad called me to talk about fishing plans. I still think fishing for fun and not consumption (re-released fish can easily encounter infection and die) is a mean, selfish thing to do, but... for the sake of bonding with my dad (who I very rarely see) and nephew, I am willing to choke on my morals here and enjoy something I did as a child with my family.

What are your plans for tomorrow? How about the weekend? Big ol' nothing. Today was a long day. It is the weekend.

What did the last jacket you wore look like? It's just a very simple, plain black with a hood. Quite sure the material is cotton.

[poppy-in-the-woods]

Every time a middle class Karen says "just find a better job!" about people striking for their rights to a livable wage and fair working conditions, God kills a kitten. I don't make the rules, I am only the messenger. So if you don't want cats to go extinct, every time you hear someone say that about the writers and actors ongoing strike, just remind them that:

1) If only people who can support themselves with the actual conditions (A and B listers, and maybe C listers) remained there would be not enough performers left to make all the movies and shows they like. Small roles and extras are actors too and deserve compensation for their work.

2) Nobody begins getting paid 1 million per episode. Even their favourites who live in mansions, drive expensive cars and wear designer clothes began from the bottom. If no one wants to act because it doesn't pay the bills or even gets health insurance, how are we gonna make movies or shows? Who's going to play this episodic character? Brad Pitt? I don't think so. People should be allowed to be passionate about a job that also pays their bills, because if they have to quit acting because of that, soon nobody will have the opportunity to grow as performers.

3) The big names in the industry don't strike for better pay for themselves, they do it to pressure the studios to accept the conditions the unions are putting on the table. That includes better conditions for everyone (safer sets, better hours, studios not being able to get away with stealing someone's likeness...), not only better salary.

4) AI is all A and not enough I to write shows or movies and that's okay, it shouldn't be and nobody should want to watch a show or a movie written by AI. It will be garbage and it'll only put more money in the hands of the studios while people lose their jobs. Do you really wanna put more money in the hands of people who already earn millions and bo basically nothing while the people who make possible the media you like lose their source of income?

5) While I agree that sometimes A listers are payed too much, nobody remains at the top of their game forever. People who aren't as famous anymore still deserve to have enough money to pay for health insurance. Streaming services have to pay residuals, one way or another, because some actors that are starring in shows that never played on TV are not getting properly compensated for their work. Acting is not a stable job, we all know that, but it shouldn't be possible that anyone has a recurring or even regular role in a show that is among the most viewed in a platform and they can't afford to pay their bills. That is happening, and it's absolutely unfair.

6) Studios are canning almost finished movies and pulling shows from platforms almost right after airing for tax breaks. To have more money than they already have and they still refuse to not only give people some of that but to let them have more time to eat, for example. They're only fueled by greed and honestly, I think each and every person that works in making movies/shows should unionise and join the strike. From the directors, the cast, the crew, to the people who do the special effects (practical or cgi), the stuntmen and more. Everyone, all across the globe. Strike. Force them to give in.

7) Piracy is not what's killing the cinema industry, greedy studios and streaming services are. Streaming services are more convenient and reliable than pirating, so people are more likely to pay them as long as they keep it that way. Erasing shows and movies from their catalogue because money and then not paying people what they're owed does not paint streaming services in good light. Making shows not accesible based on region and not allow VPNs doesn't make people think they're the good guys either. Also, people want to own media. If paying a subscription doesn't make them own the content, it's more likely that they will resort to piracy to make sure they can still watch and rewatch their show if the streaming service decides to pull it from their catalogue. It's a simple question of conservationism.

I have enough DVDs, books and overall media to consume to resist a couple of years of strike. Do you, Karen?

[atlafan]

friendly reminder that patreon is only $5 a month, it charges you on the same day each month, so if you subscribed today, for example, you wouldn’t be charged again until Dec. 27th!

I post 2-3, sometimes 4, times a month and the updates are all usually pretty long. If they’re short (under 10k) that’s usually when I’ll post up to 4 times so you’re getting your money’s worth. Not only that, but once you subscribe you then have access to my entire patreon masterlist, so you can read some oldies while you wait for the next update!

the little community on patreon is a super positive space. my peeps on there make me feel comfortable enough to dabble in different kinds of tropes and smut that I wouldn’t feel comfortable posting on here because even though I have minors DNI in my description, we all know minors can still find a way. Whereas on patreon, you must be 18+ to subscribe to my page. I genuinely value the feedback I get on there, and will often post polls to see what everyone wants to see next. Yall are paying for a service and I want to post what you’re paying for. I love how collaborative I get to be with everyone on there

I’d like to think I do a pretty good job of posting on there. I mean, you’d pay $10+ dollars to buy a book that’s 30k+ long, right? I post almost double that in a month sometimes, so I do feel like $5 is a decent price for what you get from me. I try to post at the beginning, middle, and end of each month. If it takes me longer to post at the beginning, I usually post a PSA to let yall know what I’ve got cooking and I post sneakies so you know I’m actually working on things

Anyways, this is the time of year where a lot of money gets spent, I know you all have your own bills to pay and whatnot, but I need the money from patreon each month to literally afford to live. Without the money I get from patreon each month, I wouldn’t be able to afford my phone or my car payments/car insurance, all things that are essential for me to do my day job.

So, this is me asking if you can lend your support to me for a simple $5 a month, that would be great. I’ve dipped to only getting around $280 a month, and other months I’ve gotten close to $400. That’s a huge difference in income. I know not everyone can afford it each month. Believe me I’ve been looking at some of the things I’m subscribed to to try and cut back on expenses, so I get it. You can leave and come back any time to patreon, which is something I love about it.

I love you all lots and am so beyond grateful that there are people who like my silly little fics enough to pay for them. It means the world to me, truly.

Please consider boosting this! I could really use a bump in extra cash for the next few months.

[cedarspiced]

hi! i'm someone who works with a state department that's supposed to distribute some of the above resources!

there are in fact plenty of resources for employment help in my state! we even offer free workshops to help people find a job!

but to participate in a job workshop, you have to show up to a physical building.

what happens when you can't get there? what if you don't have a car, and there's no public transit to get there, and you can't afford a rideshare? what if you do have a car, but can't afford the gas to get there?

the state of course also offers unemployment benefits. you can apply fully online! all you have to do is make a weekly claim, and the state will deposit benefits right into your bank account. easy, right?

but what happens when your previous employer decides they don't want to pay for your unemployment, and object to the state on the basis that you quit, or were fired with a good cause? what if you get denied because you accidentally checked the wrong box on your claim? what if the online claim system straight up glitches and tells you that you didn't dot your i's when you did? (all things that i've seen happen before btw)

well, your claims get put on hold while the unemployment department decides whether or not they think you deserve benefits based on your employer's claim. you don't receive ANY money until you get approved for benefits again a month or two after you initially claimed. that's at least a whole month that you may not have any income at all!

and THAT'S a best case scenario if your claim gets denied. if the unemployment department can't make a decision on their own, your case then gets passed to the hearing department, which itself can take anywhere from a week to a month. then, if all goes well, you get to have a hearing (usually takes a month or two to even get a hearing scheduled, and then another couple weeks to have the hearing) with a judge, who then decides if you deserve benefits within two weeks of the hearing taking place.

at best, that's 3 months and 1 week with no income.

at worst, that's 4 months and 2 weeks with no income.

of course, all of that is even assuming you have internet access. if you don't, you have to go to the same building where the job workshops are held, and we come back to the same problems listed earlier.

so yeah, frankly, i think it would be a lot easier and a lot cheaper for everyone involved if the government did just cut everyone a check each month. not a blank check, but enough money to be able to reasonably support a household.

[slyshyfoxy]

july 10 2024

hi its me, anyways been ya feeling low these days but honestly idk what am I even feeling low about, actually everything is good, I m just a loser who is thinking about bad things, actually my studies I have been doing actually much better than before. Like I am actually focusing and remember my own goal which is to get GPA 3.0 by end of this trimester, don't lose focus, be consistent jenny u can do it. And ur weight also 46 kg right? U are currently 49.6kg just 3 more kg, faster do ur meal preps, and yes been feeling overwhelmed cause I wake up so late right? just sleep earlier if not wake up earlier is the way, I think I already have been resting enough. 5 things I am grateful as of now : 1. I have gotten another business registered under me, actually that is a good thing, my dream of having 2 cats, one car and one house is coming true, even tho yes more responsibilities but honestly, isn't it good? Like I will have more income and also isn't it my dream to travel? I will have more money to travel around the world. How could I forgot about this dream? 2. I have a supportive gf, my gf actually really cares about me and love me especially through her actions even though she is not good at words I don't resent her so. And yes thoughts are crazy sometimes but it is just a passing thoughts, remember how u have ur exes thoughts too? It will just pass, must always remain to be faithful.

3. my new start just begin, why am I thinking like it is going to end? I have actually many things yet to do, many people yet to meet, places yet to go. Even though I am in my four walls, I have places yet to be and I shd look at my globe and remind myself daily. 4. I am actually in a much better place than before, last time I couldn't even be in a relationship cause I wasn't as healed, right now I am in a supportive relationship with my gf, my family who is trying to help me, friends that know who I am as of now and yet to be. So why am I not be grateful? 5. I am a person who I set out to be, and I will be. No matter how many times life has thrown me downwards, I will always prove that I am capable of moving forward no matter what. and I will. So many things to be grateful of, yet I keep getting stuck in my cave. Wake up jenny wake up. So what if I wake up late nowadays? I can just fix it back again, so what if I fucked it up now? I can always earn it back , because I am me, I am Jenny Tan Ming Hui , the one who will earn 300k by 25. HAHAHAH NO MATTER WHAT> I WILL BE BETTER> . STARTING FROM TOMORROW> today I slack first.

[moosebloodtrash]

I’m hurting and I don’t know where to put it anymore. I watch sick pets get crazy amounts of donations, often far beyond their goal; meanwhile I’m four years into my job search. My teeth are rotting and I’m constantly sick, my family has abandoned me for being queer, and I’m trying to keep me and a partner fed on the amount of assistance for one person. Legal grey areas are hell when it comes to public services.

I have reached out for help over and over from in person resources and e-begging. I still have extremely little to no support. If one little thing happens in my living situation? I’ll go right on the streets 100%.

I remember the embarrassment I subjected myself to e-begging when I was literally starving, asking popular blogs to reblog since I was that desperate at the time and already hadn’t eaten in two days when I made the post. And this was six to eight years ago, longer than my job search. I am still struggling now to feed myself on so little while my partner’s relatives watch us starve and have gotten angry at us for asking for help with extremely small things like bus fare + yelling at us any time we’re taken to the store for “taking too long” to grocery shop. They have threatened to call the cops to throw us out on the street a good handful of times because we aren’t getting our lives together fast enough despite knowing nothing about the city we live in now + refusing to tell us where anything is or talk to us like adults to figure it out; it always results in us being yelled at for not already knowing.

We get yelled at frequently while in the bathroom if any of them need it at the exact moment we are in the bathroom. This is resulting in medical problems in both me and my partner. We cannot shower since we absolutely get yelled at for that too. I told emergency room staff what was going on at home but since there was no hitting involved the nurses dropped it and wouldn’t listen to another word.

I clean up after the family like I’m property. And I mean they shit and piss on the seat and then get mad at me when I tell them to clean up their mess. They cannot be asked to control their pets since the eldest relative has a little crazy dog that I have not done more than throw a shoe at because every time he sees anyone else in the house he runs at them with teeth out snarling and barking. This dog has known us for five or so years now and we keep being nice to him to no avail he keeps trying to bite us, chase us, or bark literally off and on at nothing or an open door for HOURS (I counted once and the dog barked from 8:34am until 11:26pm; yes I’m fucking serious.)

I was forced to watch my own cat pass away after I lost my income because one of the relatives thinks shelters are jail for animals and are somehow inherently cruel. Yes they were refusing to drive me to a shelter for my cat, literally looked me in the eyes and told me they won’t take me. So the alternative was watching my beloved cat of over a decade slowly degrade and eventually die at home of complications when it could’ve been avoided.

We have both had to argue for our literal lives due to negligence. My partner was entering sepsis from a separate issue and had to ARGUE with their parent to have said parent take them to the emergency room at all. Now theyre stuck with lifelong medical complications that could’ve been avoided. I had double pneumonia and had coughed some of my stomach into my esophagus, the older relative abandoned us at home with no car and no way to get help. My partner had to scream at their relatives to have them get me a lyft to the hospital and I was made to feel guilty over that too. According to the emergency room doctor I would’ve drowned in my own lungs that night had I went to sleep.

I just want to pass away at this point. No one cares about me and I’m tired of being in pain and smoking back to back just to cope with all of this. I hope for mercy and a bullet to my head.