#i hope this was comprehensive enough

[epicfroggz]

I’m curious if you have any ideas on what the Abyssal Serpent is/represents? I’ve been trying to puzzle it out to make more sense of Messmer’s deal but I’ve come up with a whole lotta nothing.

Yes, thank you for the ask!

In short, I believe the Abyssal or Base Serpent is the traitor to the Erdtree that is prophesied to commit the “cardinal sin”, aka burn it. Marika was so afraid of the serpent’s power that she sealed it away behind Messmer’s eye and left him in the Land of Shadow for good measure, where it grew and festered alongside his hatred.

In real world mythology, it is most similar to Nidhogg of Norse myth: a serpent or dragon that chews upon the roots of the World Tree. Nidhogg is said to preside over a part of the underworld where it punishes sinners. If ever to be released from the roots, Nidhogg would be one of the driving forces behind chaos, helping to bring about Ragnarok.

(Long post, so more under cut!)

This all sounds familiar. Messmer presides over the Land of Shadow—the underworld—where he punishes those stripped of the grace of Gold—the sinners, including those that harmed his mother’s people. When Messmer breaks the seal of grace his mother gave him, he unleashes the Abyssal Serpent, and his kill dialogue changes—“Embrace thine oblivion, as shall I.” This, his Remembrance’s text—“They have accepted his fate as much as he”—and the fact that serpents have eternal lives a la Rykard, makes it sound like Messmer has condemned himself to a fate worse than death. He states the Abyssal Serpent is “shorn of light”: that he has cut out what grace or light he had by removing the seal, and that the nature of the serpent is inherently lightless. I believe the serpent is akin to the concept of Shadow itself: “born of dark notions that bear no sense of Order” (Remembrance of the Shadow Sunflower). A concept that was born alongside Gold, when Marika ascended to godhood (from the story trailer). The serpent represents the opposite of her Order, the ushering in of chaos, the destruction of the Erdtree—and for that, it had to be sealed away.

But, the Abyssal Serpent IS Messmer. This we know from how it retains his hair and how they share their wounds between his humanoid and serpent form. With the seal, Marika separated her son from what was violent and malevolent and left only the part of him that was compassionate and loved her. Even so, she imagined that his devotion was fallible, and hid him away in the Land of Shadow. Her fear won over her heart, and she abandoned him there, creating “a hatred that would not be confined” (Remembrance of the Impaler)—really creating problems where there were none. It’s no wonder he curses her upon defeat! And, it can be said, the curse specifically is himself: “the [red snake] embroidery on the apron is itself is a curse upon the Erdtree” (Depraved Perfumer Robe).

So, we know that snakes are curses to the Erdtree, and that “the snake is viewed as a traitor to the Erdtree” (Duelist Helm). Now for why/how. While Nidhogg chews upon the roots of the World Tree, the Abyssal Serpent chews on Messmer’s kindling, of which I will post the full text:

“The kindling that burned inside Messmer the Impaler. A dark thing, eaten away at by a wicked serpent. Burns the sealing tree said to be found at the old Rauh ruins. Messmer, much like his younger sister, bore a vision of fire.”

The kindling is stated to be “a dark thing” in itself, reinforcing how Messmer is the serpent which embodies the concept of Shadow. “Bore of a vision of fire” must be in reference to the cardinal sin—it is interesting how the prophets that foresaw this sin were exiled, much like Messmer himself, and yet they were ones most devoted to their faith. Mentioning Melina (the “kindling maiden” (Blade of Calling)) here invokes this as well, as it is with her we commit the actual cardinal sin. The only other mention of “kindling” we get is a description of the prophecy: “The prophet despaired, looking up at the Erdtree, for soon the kindling would burst into flame, bringing ruin. ‘The burning of the Erdtree is the first cardinal sin. That is not the domain of mere men’” (Fire’s Deadly Sin). Of course, for it is the domain of the demigods, Melina and Messmer. The difference between them is that Messmer’s kindling was a curse to his mother’s new Order, while Melina’s kindling is a blessing that will allow a new Lord and age to be ushered in via the burning of the thorns.

So, the Abyssal Serpent will bring ruin to the Erdtree, a fate so assured that Marika sealed her very own son (which she seemed to care about) away in the underworld and abandoned him. And we helped set the serpent free. Good job, Tarnished! Though, honestly, Messmer was just looking for a reason to rip out the seal: the “eternity of suffering” thing wasn’t good for his health at all, as we can see from his and the serpent’s wounds and clear signs of neglect. Another case where separating a complete being results in great suffering for the both of them, as it does for Miquella and St. Trina. Although his purpose is to destroy, at least Messmer has become whole again. </3

I hope that answered your question! (?!?)

- Froggo

[neolxzr]

OK SO IVE BEEN WATCHING TH E MUSIC VIDEOS I REALLY LIKE CRAZY B THEY GOT COOL MUSIC AND ALSO EDEN. WHERE DO I READ THE STORIES BTW

HELLO ANON MY FRIEND! OK OK SO THERES A COUPLE PLACES BUT LEMME EXPLAIN SOMETHING FIRST

so the stories are kind of split up into two eras!! ill call them basic era and music era, after the names of the apps. enstars started off as not a rhythm game. the first app used to just be called ensemble stars! but now its called ensemble stars! basic. the second app is called ensemble stars!! music

so heres where to find the stories!!

enstars basic never got an english release, so youll have to read stories from back then online. pretty much all stories used to be translated on the enstars wiki but happyelements struck all that down a while back. you still can read stories this way, you just have to use the wayback machine! any time around mid august 2021 should be good.

the earlier stories from music era are now translated in the english enstars music app itself! id definitely recommend reading stories this way, especially the main story since it is fully voiced and you get to the little live2d models do their thing

since enstars music ENG is quite far behind enstars music JP, any newer stories from music era you'll have to find translations for online. honestly these are the hardest to find but you can sometimes find them just by looking it up on google or twitter. also dont hesitate to ask other enstars fans (including me) if they know of where to find translations for specific stories, everyone will definitely be willing to help!!

additionally there also used to be a tumblr blog which was like a big masterlist of fan translations, but OP has since password locked their blog. its still a great resource, its just no longer being updated since you again have to use the wayback machine to see it. you can find that list here!

i hope this helps some!! and sorry if its confusing ^^;

[gojosbf]

Start Here, Caitlyn Siehl // The Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller // The Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller // Unknown // The Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller // Passanger, Alexandra Bracken (a.k.a Heartbreaker) // I wrote this for you, Iain Thomas // These Violent Delights, Micah Nemerever // jjk the light novel translation // The Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller // The Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller // Elegy, Chen Chen// the playwrights will write your names in the darkness of the sky

[cent-scratchnsniff]

I never really realized that the clerks outfits in each department had been based on the Sephirah's beta designs (In Asiyah Upper layer at least) and hadnt been changed when made into the current version. nothing mind blowing but i thought it was interesting to see considering i never played the other version before

[naggingatlas]

'thats not his role in the story!' hm i wonder what the point of it is then. hm i wonder what the dead pixel scene means. hm i wonder what wrong organ are trying to say with the context of 'awesome male friendship' and 'corporate hell where the only woman onboard is constantly under ridicule, abused or forcibly forgotten yet is the catalyst' if not this. hm i wonder how curly's physical agony being a direct parallel to anya's mental agony, stripped of voice, agency, just like her, and being forced to watch what happens while not doing jack shit, just like he used to, plays a part in this. i wonder what the moral of him being the final girl says about living with the consequences of your inaction, because of sentimentality, because of status, career and social. hm i wonder whatever the fuck this game was trying to say. hm i wonder what else is on this person's blog Oh Lord there's yaoi penice.

[canisalbus]

tbh I think that there being no big story somewhere for your dogs is what made them fun when I first found them, if that makes sense.

Like the first art I saw of Machete was the teen art you did of him back in June, and it was like oh??? who is this liddol guy? why is he sad?? ‘It’s the bug-eyed teachers apprentice again’ who is talking about him? Then later I saw the ‘nodding off at the office’ one and it was like oh! It’s the dog again!!!! why he mad? why he eepy? and then stumbling across Art of him and Vasco (I think it was the reunion one) and it was like alr Ive gotta find out who this doggo is

Anyway I remember sitting in the grass of my grandparents front lawn and going through your entire blog to learn more about Machete :3 it was so so fun to pick up little bits and pieces of him as I went further back So I think that experience was a neat core part of discovering your dogs and I really love that.

A couple of people have said the same thing, and I think it's wonderful that you found them interesting enough that you went through the trouble of combing through my old posts and figuring out how things connect!

I can see how the process itself might be part of the fun for some, but you'd have to be really invested in these dogs to go scouting for that hard to find and disorganized lore. I'd imagine it takes a lot of effort, initiative and time to do that.

[greenerteacups]

oooh please someday tell us what you think of GOT

oh, no, it's my fatal weakness! it's [checks notes] literally just the bare modicum of temptation! okay you got me.

SO. in order to tell what's wrong with game of thrones you kind of have to have read the books, because the books are the reason the show goes off the rails. i actually blame the showrunners relatively little in proportion to GRRM for how bad the show was (which I'm not gonna rehash here because if you're interested in GOT in any capacity you've already seen that horse flogged to death). people debate when GOT "got bad" in terms of writing, but regardless of when you think it dropped off, everyone agrees the quality declined sharply in season 8, and to a certain extent, season 7. these are the seasons that are more or less entirely spun from whole cloth, because season 7 marks the beginning of what will, if we ever see it, be the Winds of Winter storyline. it's the first part that isn't based on a book by George R.R. Martin. it's said that he gave the showrunners plot outlines, but we don't know how detailed they were, or how much the writers diverged from the blueprint — and honestly, considering the cumulative changes made to the story by that point, some stark divergence would have been required. (there's a reason for this. i'll get there in a sec.)

so far, i'm not saying anything all that original. a lot of people recognized how bad the show got as soon as they ran out of Book to adapt. (I think it's kind of weird that they agreed to make a show about an unfinished series in the first place — did GRRM figure that this was his one shot at a really good HBO adaptation, and forego misgivings about his ability to write two full books in however many years it took to adapt? did he think they would wait for him? did he not care that the series would eventually spoil his magnum opus, which he's spent the last three decades of his life writing? perplexing.) but the more interesting question is why the show got bad once it ran out of Book, because in my mind, that's not a given. a lot of great shows depart from the books they were based on. fanfiction does exactly that, all the time! if you have good writers who understand the characters they're working with, departure means a different story, not a worse one. now, the natural reply would be to say that the writers of GOT just aren't good, or at least aren't good at the things that make for great television, and that's why they needed the books as a structure, but I don't think that's true or fair, either. books and television are very different things. the pacing of a book is totally different from the pacing of a television show, and even an episodic book like ASOIAF is going to need a lot of work before it's remotely watchable as a series. bad writers cannot make great series of television, regardless of how good their source material is. sure, they didn't invent the characters of tyrion lannister and daenerys targaryen, but they sure as hell understood story structure well enough to write a damn compelling season of TV about them!

so but then: what gives? i actually do think it's a problem with the books! the show starts out as very faithful to the early books (namely, A Game of Thrones and A Clash of Kings) to the point that most plotlines are copied beat-for-beat. the story is constructed a little differently, and it's definitely condensed, but the meat is still there. and not surprisingly, the early books in ASOIAF are very tightly written. for how long they are, you wouldn't expect it, but on every page of those books, the plot is racing. you can practically watch george trying to beat the fucking clock. and he does! useful context here is that he originally thought GOT was going to be a trilogy, and so the scope of most threads in the first book or two would have been much smaller. it also helps that the first three books are in some respects self-contained stories. the first book is a mystery, the second and third are espionage and war dramas — and they're kept tight in order to serve those respective plots.

the trouble begins with A Feast for Crows, and arguably A Storm of Swords, because GRRM starts multiplying plotlines and treating the series as a story, rather than each individual book. he also massively underestimated the number of pages it would take him to get through certain plot beats — an assumption whose foundation is unclear, because from a reader's standpoint, there is a fucke tonne of shit in Feast and Dance that's spurious. I'm not talking about Brienne's Riverlands storyline (which I adore thematically but speaking honestly should have been its own novella, not a part of Feast proper). I'm talking about whole chapters where Tyrion is sitting on his ass in the river, just talking to people. (will I eat crow about this if these pay off in hugely satisfying ways in Winds or Dream? oh, totally. my brothers, i will gorge myself on sweet sweet corvid. i will wear a dunce cap in the square, and gleefully, if these turn out to not have been wastes of time. the fact that i am writing this means i am willing to stake a non-negligible amount of pride on the prediction that that will not happen). I'm talking about scenes where the characters stare at each other and talk idly about things that have already happened while the author describes things we already have seen in excruciating detail. i'm talking about threads that, while forgivable in a different novel, are unforgivable in this one, because you are neglecting your main characters and their story. and don't tell me you think that a day-by-day account tyrion's river cruise is necessary to telling his story, because in the count of monte cristo, the main guy disappears for nine years and comes hurtling back into the story as a vengeful aristocrat! and while time jumps like that don't work for everything, they certainly do work if what you're talking about isn't a major story thread!

now put aside whether or not all these meandering, unconcluded threads are enjoyable to read (as, in fairness, they often are!). think about them as if you're a tv showrunner. these bad boys are your worst nightmare. because while you know the author put them in for a reason, you haven't read the conclusion to the arc, so you don't know what that reason is. and even if the author tells you in broad strokes how things are going to end for any particular character (and this is a big "if," because GRRM's whole style is that he lets plots "develop as he goes," so I'm not actually convinced that he does have endings written out for most major characters), that still doesn't help you get them from point A (meandering storyline) to point B (actual conclusion). oh, and by the way, you have under a year to write this full season of television, while GRRM has been thinking about how to end the books for at least 10. all of this means you have to basically call an audible on whether or not certain arcs are going to pay off, and, if they are, whether they make for good television, and hence are worth writing. and you have to do that for every. single. unfinished. story. in the books.

here's an example: in the books, Quentin Martell goes on a quest to marry Daenerys and gain a dragon. many chapters are spent detailing this quest. spoiler alert: he fails, and he gets charbroiled by dragons. GRRM includes this plot to set up the actions of House Martell in Winds, but the problem is that we don't know what House Martell does in Winds, because (see above) the book DNE. So, although we can reliably bet that the showrunners understand (1) Daenerys is coming to Westeros with her 3 fantasy nukes, and (2) at some point they're gonna have to deal with the invasion of frozombies from Canada, that DOESN'T mean they necessarily know exactly what's going to happen to Dorne, or House Martell. i mean, fuck! we don't even know if Martin knows what's going to happen to Dorne or House Martell, because he's said he's the kind of writer who doesn't set shit out beforehand! so for every "Cersei defaults on millions of dragons in loans from the notorious Bank of Nobody Fucks With Us, assumes this will have no repercussions for her reign or Westerosi politics in general" plotline — which might as well have a big glaring THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT stamp on top of the chapter heading — you have Arianne Martell trying to do a coup/parent trap switcheroo with Myrcella, or Euron the Goffick Antichrist, or Faegon Targaryen and JonCon preparing a Blackfyre restoration, or anything else that might pan out — but might not! And while that uncertainty about what's important to the "overall story" might be a realistic way of depicting human beings in a world ruled by chance and not Destiny, it makes for much better reading than viewing, because Game of Thrones as a fantasy television series was based on the first three books, which are much more traditional "there is a plot and main characters and you can generally tell who they are" kind of book. I see Feast and Dance as a kind of soft reboot for the series in this respect, because they recenter the story around a much larger cast and cast a much broader net in terms of which characters "deserve" narrative attention.

but if you're making a season of television, you can't do that, because you've already set up the basic premise and pacing of your story, and you can't suddenly pivot into a long-form tone poem about the horrors of war. so you have to cut something. but what are you gonna cut? bear in mind that you can't just Forget About Dorne, or the Iron Islands, or the Vale, or the North, or pretty much any region of the story, because it's all interconnected, but to fit in everything from the books would require pacing of the sort that no reasonable audience would ever tolerate. and bear in mind that the later books sprout a lot more of these baby-plots that could go somewhere, but also might end up being secondary or tertiary to the "main story," which, at the end of the day, is about dragons and ice zombies and the rot at the heart of the feudal power system glorified in classical fantasy. that's the story that you as the showrunner absolutely must give them an end to, and that's the story that should be your priority 1.

so you do a hack and slash job, and you mortar over whatever you cut out with storylines that you cook up yourself, but you can't go too far afield, because you still need all the characters more or less in place for the final showdown. so you pinch here and push credulity there, and you do your best to put the characters in more or less the same place they would have been if you kept the original, but on a shorter timeframe. and is it as good as the first seasons? of course not! because the material that you have is not suited to TV like the first seasons are. and not only that, but you are now working with source material that is actively fighting your attempt to constrain a linear and well-paced narrative on it. the text that you're working with changed structure when you weren't looking, and now you have to find some way to shanghai this new sprawling behemoth of a Thing into a television show. oh, and by the way, don't think that the (living) author of the source material will be any help with this, because even though he's got years of experience working in television writing, he doesn't actually know how all of these threads will tie together, which is possibly the reason that the next book has taken over 8 years (now 13 and counting) to write. oh and also, your showrunners are sick of this (in fairness, very difficult) job and they want to go write for star wars instead, so they've refused the extra time the studio offered them for pre-production and pushed through a bunch of first-draft scripts, creating a crunch culture of the type that spawns entirely avoidable mistakes, like, say, some poor set designer leaving a starbucks cup in frame.

anyway, that's what I think went wrong with game of thrones.

[skitskatdacat63]

Tradition vs Modernity vs Comradery

+ context & lore:

In the first drawing, Fernando is wearing a capote de paseo, which is what bullfighters wear before the match begins, as seen below:

In the second, Seb is shouting the very familiar "Olé" which is shouted by the crowd to praise the matador. He's a little brat, so of course he's yelling it for himself, but he did get many 💐

The third(which was a random sketch I had that I didn't think I'd finish tonight, so ignore if its messy) has very important context to me. Before going to the final act and killing the bull, matadors dedicate their montera(hat)(and symbolically: their kill) to a a specific person in the audience(or just the public as a whole.) Seb and Fernando are finally in the same color! Seb is bowing!!! And Fernando is honoring Seb!!!! Also ignore that I drew Seb's post-retirement hair. Though, maybe this drawing is supposed to represent Fernando making a dedication to his now-gone rival 😔(Seb: stop telling people im dead!)

Now, some more lore :D

So I talked about this in my last matador post but I'll expand more. I think it's very funny to characterize Fernando in this au as this fun-hating traditionalist. Because you have to understand; he's only this way when it comes to Seb. Because you absolutely KNOW he was doing silly, unserious shit back when he was younger. But absolutely god forbid Seb do anything silly.

It's very ironic because there literally is a part in the third act of a bull fight where it's basically encouraged to be a bit silly. This is a tad morbid, but basically right before they deliver the killing blow, some show their mastery over the bull by doing some superfluous action(ex. kissing the bull, kneeling in front of the bull.) There's some guy who literally would lean on the bull and mime taking a call. But anyways, Seb would def do this. I've not been able to draw it exactly how I want, but he would bend down and do his little bull horn symbol and mime charging at the bull. (Fernando, trying to make up reasons to hate Seb: oh my god, look at this blatant disrespect, look how he is disrespecting the bull, I cannot believe how rude this boy is!)

Also there's something to be said about how the matador shows mastery over the bull by kissing it or bowing to it...and Seb is technically the bull in this au and Fernando is the matador. There's just this unfortunate level of weird power inbalance that still lingers even though their rivalry is over and can't be affected anymore. There was no succinct answer about who truly was better because Seb was forced out of it. So there's always gonna be this level of "is he just pitying me? Is he just mocking me? Is he just patronizing me?" on Seb's part whenever Fernando praises him or makes dedications to him. And Fernando's always going to be haunted by the fact that there's no answer to who is truly better because he'll never know if Seb had reached his full potential or not. Anyways, they also have nasty sex while wearing their costumes and do weird bull/matador roleplay :)

[beef-unknwn]

Been thinking about that episode lately

Toralei definitely saw herself in Hisstina you can't tell me otherwise

[slavhew]

Hello!

If you're not too busy, would you mind listing some of the things you think count as death flags for Mr. Spender?

There's the obvious fact that he's the "old" mentor to group of young protagonists, but what else do you think would count?

OHH BOY ok so I'd think I'm a crackpot for this but since we're talking about Zack "Foreshadowing" Morrison. I have some thoughts

No harm in leading with the (chronologically) first thing that jumped out at me:

This one IMMEDIATELY made me antsy whenever I came back to it after my initial read, and considering Zack has referred to it on twitter in the past as one of their favorite jokes it's definitely not been forgotten about.

Second, the sheer amounts of near-misses, jokey or not, of Spender narrowly avoiding specifically lightning

Again, not much, but it's weird that it happened thrice, latter two of which had real gravitas rather than an one-off joke.

And third, Spender himself. He's repeatedly shown himself to be kind of a self sacrificing idiot, as well as prideful to a fault. Granted, it's both him and Mina trying to take on all the responsibility of saving Mayview and its inhabitants from their fate.. But Spender is exactly that right measure of doesn't-value-himself-enough (chest footprint aftercare or lack thereof), having an obscene amount of power (enables his loner act + pride) and poor judgement that has the capacity to put him at great risk. And it has!

Spender has not only shown low enough self-esteem to view himself as the de-facto scapegoat for the safety of the town, but also prideful enough to make very bad calls that end up in people, often himself, hurt (COUGH FORGE INCIDENT COUGH)

This is all conjecture, but it's definitely enough to make me worried about him :') Even if all this doesn't mean he'll necessarily die he's definitely getting (even more) seriously injured at some point. I love the guy but he's so far doing a horrible job of convincing me he wants to live bad enough to circumvent at least that

[pawschamp]

VOL 8#2/CH35: “double team” appreciation

i’m a huge fan of the way nightow encapsulates a certain thematic or specified topic in each chapter, almost making each chapter its own arc with the way a character can change in just a few pages. as an example to appreciate this, i’m using chapter 35 aka “wolfwood doesn’t shoot” chapter aka one of my favorite chapters in the entire series.

warning, this is not a thought out essay, this is just the insane ramblings of a guy that likes trigun and wolfwood. there will be tangents, there will be derails, but overall, it’s a 4k insight into where my mind goes when i read these chapters. 

TW WARNING: wolfwood’s backstory pictured (child experimentation, child harm), blood, death

SPOILERS WARNING: mentions of vol 8 events

for consistency sake, i’ll be using overhaul’s translation. 

this chapter throws us into the familiar perspective of wolfwood. the readers have been in his shoes, we’re made to understand his thoughts since the very beginning of maximum, considering max started from his perspective. his ordeal and his internal struggle was made clear since the leonef arc, but this chapter serves as a checkpoint of where he is now, paralleling almost to chapter 11 where it had began with wolfwood’s dream + where his internal conflict were first laid bare to readers.

it’s also good to note that this chapter is in vol 6, the vol that takes place after the midvalley/hopper arc. this entire volume consists the internal dialogue of essential characters and where they stand with vash; the first chapter being meryl, then wolfwood, legato, knives, milly (a bit of vash), and then an open ended one, but it leads into vash’s flashback -- obviously, each chapter progresses the story itself too, but the main focus tends to be the thoughts of these characters. i really appreciate nightow writing an immensely thoughts driven and relatively quiet (in terms of action) volume after the heavily action packed previous volume. he does this well in the chapters themselves, knowing when to lead the reader into quiet so we can all feel the scene much more intimately. these chapters become more emotional because we’re settled with each character individually, we lean into their fears, their worry and concerns. the fact we get so little of vash and his thoughts in these chapters aside from the flashback makes him feel distant and lonelier (which, considering his immense guilt of remembering july, it feels purposeful.) 

vol 10 will always be my favorite vol but vol 6 is certainly up there... i think it was masterfully put together and nightow’s character writing is one of my favorite parts of trigun. the introspection is such a core part of trigun itself alongside the action and i just appreciate the overall pacing of it and how it eventually leads into vol 7 where we return to vash, to the conflict between the brothers, and then into the harrowing 7 months of destruction on no man’s land where the kind of peacefulness that settled in vol 6 no longer exists for a long time in the future chapters. 

anyway, to the chapter now

from the dream alone, we can tell there’s a progression of wolfwood’s risk taking heart beginning to open. from all the time he’s spent with vash and what he’s witness after the leonef arc, he’s starting to change internally, he’s no longer the same as he was at the beginning of trigun. the dream provides a what-if situation, where wolfwood kills off the eye of michael (vague individual, but probably chapel again?), freeing the children.

side note, but it’s particularly sad to me he says “i can never come back, but at least y’all will be safe now.” in an universe where a happy ending could be provided for the orphanage, there still wouldn’t be a happy ending for wolfwood. he can free the orphanage but even the destruction of the eye of michael wouldn’t free him from the man he’s grown into and it’s telling of just how little he believes he deserves to go/have a home. 

but the dream then panels to knives and his fear of someone/something other than himself is shown. as i mentioned earlier about how this parallels to chapter 11, in that dream, it showed how wolfwood can’t return to the kids because of the blood that stains his hands, a dream he gets after having killed rai-dei and confronted by vash about his role. 

he still feels this way considering his mentioned thought of “can’t return” anymore, but the dream shifts focus to knives because the threat of him looms closer now more than before after having witness vash transform in the previous arc -- and it’s clear him being a first hand witness has influenced his fears considering knives is using his ability within the dream. 

overall, wolfwood has sooo much on his mind at this point; he saw vash transform, he came face to face with the rest of the gung-hos, met the strongest gung-ho, seen the price of betrayal with his own eyes (though b/c it was carried out by legato, it doesn’t necessarily hold the same weight)... he’s also done his fair share of trying to get others away from danger, notably when he speaks to meryl in the previous chapter, and tries to ward her away now that she’s seen first hand of vash’s strength, seen below from the chapter right before this. he’s relatively passive in his interactions with meryl so it’s insane how his behavior in ch 35 contrasts with this. 

kind of a side note but i’ve always enjoyed this interaction between wolfwood and meryl. this is the first time they actually got to converse and he’s actively reading her and giving her advice; it’s advice he’d give to any average citizen, he’s always been an advocate for regular folks to turn their back so long it can keep them safe, but his advice here definitely felt a little personal considering how he’s gotten to known milly and he Knows for certain that this just isn’t the environment for her. the way he says “This isn’t the place for that cute partner of yers” as a reason to push Meryl to turn away always gets to me, because while there may be an implication for meryl to hightail out of there to protect herself, the discussion ends at wolfwood telling meryl to back out for milly. being with milly in the previous arc, he knows the lengths and sort of reckless, self sacrificial nature that milly has; she who refused to back out constantly, even after having expressed she was terrified, she still stayed, so wolfwood knows that if meryl leaves, then milly would too. he prods meryl, reminds her there’s another life aside from her own she’d be risking if she stayed. 

after he wakes up and leaves the bar, he runs into zazie who just drops off a message from knives, as though to taunt him any further lmfao... it’s relevant that zazie shows up here considering wolfwood’s recent meeting with the rest of the gung-hos. zazie in particular is a complacent neutral party amidst the conflict, willing to see things through for knives / legato as long as the worms can be left alone.

one of the funniest lines ever to be delivered to wolfwood, “You’re a scary one. Almost like Bluesummers.” i laugh every time i see it. 

but anyway, as stated by wolfwood, he recognizes that the point in conflict has reached far enough that what he does doesn’t necessarily matter anymore. sure, he’ll still keep to his job, but vash is going to end up at knives doorstep no matter what, especially with his recent recollection of july. wolfwood recognizes the minor part he plays, he recognizes how small he is amidst the overarching battle between the twins. i think this realization influences his dream too, being that he had rebelled and felt hope that the orphanage would be left alone, but still, the orphanage can’t avoid the fate that would fall on humanity as a whole. regardless, they would be caught up in what knives does.

then we get to this insane flashback, this Gorgeously illustrated first meeting between wolfwood and knives that haunts me every day of my life. i just want to appreciate this page for a minute, art wise... the tubes forming the composition throughout the panels, trapping wolfwood, encaging him despite him being the one standing over knives. i like how that’s emphasized with the overlap on the top panels and the gun he holds is so small in the bottom right panel. in the bottom left panel, it’s a perspective shot from wolfwood’s eyes, the gun trained onto knives chest (i think compositionally, it just looks cooler which is potentially why it isn’t aimed at knives’ head, but i can also think wolfwood might’ve lost the resolved to kill knives already from fear alone and thus, his gun was lowered.) 

also i feel like not only did knives’ presence halt wolfwood but the medical equipment strung to knives might’ve triggered a terrible memory for wolfwood too, considering his experimentation. 

above is from ch. 50. 

but the focus of this flashback is in knives’ otherworldliness and how despite wolfwood managing to get so far to be face to face with knives, he could not pull the trigger from fear alone. and wolfwood has this humane reaction every time he comes close to death which is a resurgence of a will to live; he feels it in this moment with knives, he feels death closing in on him despite him being the one with the trigger at his finger and knives against the ground. 

above from chapter 6.

from the knives flashback, we can see the lack of choice that wolfwood had at that moment. the lack of choice in the mission given to him, the lack of choice in being able to shoot at all. it solidified him into the position where he is today and quelled the rebellion he dreamt of. 

from his nightmares to the meeting with zazie to this flashback, remembering knives and his presence and comparing that fear to vash, him remembering the last time he felt that fear from vash at all... although he’s always known vash to be an “other” from humans, when faced with the actuality of it, he starts to think more on their differences and kind of distant himself mentally from vash? by calling him a monster and “the one who can save humankind”, honing in on his inhumane side. he knows vash, but wolfwood is thinking from the memories of knives, he’s thinking from his feelings of fear in that moment with vash, and he probably feels so small, not capable of anything beyond doing his job. as a reminder, this is what he thinks during that scene, similar feelings to how he felt with knives imo although vash’s anger is transformed into outer and inner, almost like he’s trying to kill that anger he holds to upkeep his resolve to not kill.

and in the moment of deep pondering, with brilliant timing, vash calls out to him.

no matter how many times i see this page, i explode with so much emotion. to stay on topic, this panel of vash sitting leisurely on top of a rooftop has a lot of elements to it. the moon he blew a hole into shown right behind him, an ever present reminder of his destructive powers which wolfwood, no doubt, is remembering it distinctively in this moment. but i loooove love how this page contrasts the one with knives. this scene following is just parallels to wolfwood's memory of knives and while in his confrontation of knives, wolfwood was trapped in both a physical and internal sense. the positions being different too, where wolfwood hovered over knives but still remained below in a hierarchical sense while now, vash is above him physically and wolfwood looks up towards him. considering wolfwood's thoughts so far, the positioning is reflective of that. but considering their space, the openness, outside, the expansive sky behind vash alongside the moon, there's so much freedom in where they're both standing. wolfwood is constrained beneath the thoughts he has, his worries, but he has freedom to move around vash and yet wolfwood chooses to go up to meet him.

now i can derail and go a little insane over their expressions here, IDK. im VERY vw-pilled, so excuse me, but VASH'S LOOK TO WOLFWOOD?? "You're a bit of a night owl, huh?" it’s just a plain observation really, the casual nature in how he converses with wolfwood, something he’d recognize over the course of their journey... this also isn’t the ONLY time they’ve met under the moon, they did so in multiple bullets too. gay ass moon couple... whatever... i’ve also seen people note that vash is fake smiling here and perhaps. some days, i can believe that because he is just so goddamn sad during this time, but i also like to think it’s genuine. maybe prior to seeing wolfwood, he was neutrally observing the on going events in the town, but the moment he saw wolfwood strolling about in deep thought, he’s just like “oh, wolfwood! :]” Just being a little happy to not be alone for the night. 

it’s a small detail, but i like how nightow incorporates these side missions into the chapter’s arc and the overall theme in little ways. because it’s been these yin-yang brothers that’s been making trouble since the last chapter and in this moment, vash watching these two brothers bringing down mayhem on a peaceful town.

alongside this page, we see wolfwood’s steady approach, vash’s back turned to him as they chitchat before wolfwood quietly

positioned the same way as before, the gun held to a twin that’s positioned lower and wolfwood looks down. 

aside from how beautiful he is, i like how wolfwood holds a resolute gaze. he probably feels he has the upper hand, Knows it in some way because vash is seemingly defenseless. if he wanted to, he can shoot. 

meanwhile, vash just Looks tired. not necessarily sorrowful, to me, he just looks exhausted. from the many clues later in this chapter, i think the reader can clue in that vash definitely knew wolfwood pointed a gun at him. whether it’s sorrow, a sense of betrayal, or nonchalance is unclear. i think vash might’ve knew wolfwood wouldn’t pull the trigger and if he had, i think vash would’ve felt resigned to it. vash understands the reason why wolfwood kills; in all his instances of killing, it’s been for the sole purpose to protect. when he killed rai-dei, it was to protect vash. when he killed gray, he was doing his part in protecting vash’s home which vash had entrusted to him. there’s tons of thoughts that goes through wolfwood’s head when he does kill and what it means to him personally, but to vash, wolfwood has never killed for a selfish reason so when wolfwood points a gun at him, if he has intentions to kill, there would be a reason that vash understands considering his own beliefs on protecting humanity. i think at the end of it though, he knew wolfwood wouldn’t shoot him.

and wolfwood doesn’t pull the trigger. his hand doesn’t shake, there are no sweat marks on his face, he’s not afraid at all. with a soundless mind, he decides not to shoot. it’s important that we get wolfwood’s thoughts because it’s not as if he has any particular doubts in his own abilities. to wolfwood, if he put a bullet through vash’s head, he may die, he may be immobilized to be easier to kill, etc etc but ultimately, he chooses not to. just prior to meeting vash, he was already riddled with the memory of his rebellions amounting to nothing, so if he had “killed” vash (just like how he had “killed” chapel before), he’d still have to face knives and he’s already experienced once what going against knives was like. he can’t do it, wolfwood wouldn’t be able to kill knives and there would be nothing to ultimately gain from killing vash. 

naturally, i think we can also conclude the “reasonable” reasons aren’t the only things keeping him from shooting vash. it’ll be mentioned later, but what wolfwood thinks vs what he does can be fundamentally different because sometimes, wolfwood Just isn’t fully aware of how he acts, doesn’t know it. i think that’s part of the reason we don’t get his thoughts here when he lowers his gun, because he doesn’t know, he doesn’t understand why he can’t shoot vash either. if i had to reason it, it would be what i said before and that’s how i view how wolfwood might reason it, but that isn’t all of it. <-- this thought will be continued later.

i always found it funny how vash looks back because i’m sure he sensed something was weird about how quiet wolfwood was and how nothing was happened, so he just looks at him like “???”

wolfwood hits him with the reminder again of what to keep his focus on, as he usually does, and it’s ironic of him to say “It’ll be pointless if ya get yerself killed before ya meet him.”, having pointed a gun at him literally 2 seconds ago. 

anyway, as the story progresses, the yin-yang brothers has started to blow shit up and vash, ever so involved, runs after to stop them. wolfwood, diligent, runs after vash. 

i don’t have a lot to note but i like how vash is called a pretty boy. he is the prettiest boy. the page after this, they basically try to run him over, but vash sidesteps just in time to avoid that and turns towards the car to shoot at them. turns out though, the brother hopped off the car and appeared behind to hurl these sharp thingies at vash’s vulnerable back. please read the next 3 beautiful pages carefully

this sequence is just So well done. it’s very simple to bring back the hard ass table that wolfwood had woken up on and smacked his hand hard against at the start of this chapter, a purposefully strong table made to withstand drunkards... but it was pulled into the fight, to cover that split second to defend vash before wolfwood himself makes it to him. it’s important to note that vash doesn’t even look at wolfwood here. he’s not the least surprised, he’s still keeping his eyes directly on the tank. he does briefly look at the enemy behind him on the previous page for one panel, but i think that glance may have been targeted at the table wolfwood threw. i say this because vash moves fast and if he had wanted to target the yinyang brother behind him, he would’ve shot him already. 

the both of them focus on the targets they’re aiming at. vash with his gun can’t break the armor of the tank and wolfwood’s punisher isn’t made for a single target unless he wanted to pulverized the dude with bullets and his aim won’t be precise with the punisher either. they’re mainly talking to themselves on this page, but the fact they don’t even say anything to each other, only giving a single glance before...

changing positions immediately -- understanding where the other had lacked in, understanding what they themselves would be capable of doing and what the other could not... like.... wolfwood quickly changing the punisher’s form to activate the torpedo to take care of the armored up tank and vash quickly getting aim on the yinyang brother the moment he turns around. in just fighting together, it communicated everything we needed to know about their teamwork. and taking into consideration how they’ve been fighting alone for their entire lives only to flawlessly come together as a team despite that... they’ve developed a trust on each other, a trust i think vash is relatively aware of at this point, but wolfwood hadn’t realized it.

i’m saying that because of his expression here lmfao 

i think wolfwood can be pretty slow on realizing things for himself. i think for vash, he’s already built a recognition that wolfwood was going to be following him, that wolfwood would be there to protect his back, and i think that feeling stems from personal trust, considering how often wolfwood has done that for him already and i think a bit of that is also vash being aware that wolfwood has a job he’s upkeeping to protect/keep an eye on vash, so he’d expect wolfwood to upkeep that too.

on wolfwood’s end, he turns back to vash immediately, realizing that he had left his own back unattended. wolfwood knows vash, he understands the kind of person he is, but he was still anxious because of all the thoughts he held up throughout this chapter. i don’t think wolfwood’s trust in vash was purposeful prior this chapter and really, there wasn’t any particular scene that showed him trusting vash outright because wolfwood has always moved pretty independently throughout the arcs. it tended to be vash putting his faith in wolfwood instead while wolfwood himself was still trying to figure out where he stood with vash. but through battle, through the nonverbal communication and through instincts, i think that provides a lot of context of how his trust is ingrained instinctually and how despite what he states, what he thinks for himself, he internally already knows otherwise that he would never be able to harm vash, that he has already deeply sided with him.

when the fight is over, vash immediately disarms himself, thanks wolfwood, and his back is once again bare, turned towards wolfwood, vulnerable and full of trust. it’s intentional in how vash shows his trust towards wolfwood and wolfwood, processing, realizing that in full... how despite all of his worries, his fears, pondering about how this monster was going to save humanity, he’s ultimately just looking back at someone who’s grown so close to him. and i think this page is wolfwood coming to realize what his relationship with vash has become. overall, this chapter just feels like the moment when wolfwood has come to be honest and frank with himself on where his allegiance lies. in the previous arc, midvalley came at him constantly about who he was betraying and i think wolfwood was like “what the fuck is he talking about” for a good portion of it up until this chapter. 

a lot of what wolfwood had to tackle that previous arc was where he stood in the crossfire. being a gung-ho after having killed “chapel” and stolen his spot which in turn led him to working under knives directly which led him to become vash’s guide, merely a job to be his guide until it no longer was just a job. he has a lot in common with midvalley, both being assassins, both having a heart that lied elsewhere and not in line with knives or legato. they both acted out, betrayed before, and midvalley himself mentioned how the twins were beyond them, higher beings while they were mere insects, or something along those lines... which wolfwood basically echoes similar sentiments here. when midvalley died, he most likely saw a reflection of himself. when he comes before midvalley’s grave, he thinks on that, the “can’t make a stand, even with those fangs of yours”, thinking of betrayal that comes about in his dreams. he knows for certainty that he wants to protect the orphanage; beyond that, i don’t think wolfwood believed he sided with anyone at the beginning of chapter 35. it’s a realization he makes steadily throughout the course of it and only when he’s back to back with vash does he realize he’s already sided with him whether he wanted to or not.

the chapters in vol 6, from all these different perspectives, they all end up concluding something new about vash, something they realize from what they’ve observed of vash in the previous arc and in person. meryl recognizes that vash’s fears and shame won’t stop him from shooting his gun. legato recognizing the significance of if vash could collect all the coins that becomes prevalent in chapter 80s. knives realizing that vash is already in the process of dying due to the black hair. milly seeing vash’s muddled up expression, the smiling facade he holds automatically when he doesn’t know what to do and gets a glimpse into the loneliness he feels.

the significance of wolfwood coming to terms with his feelings of vash makes his actions in vol 8 all the more meaningful and comprehendible. granted, i think throughout the previous chapters, we can all sense this sort of change in wolfwood and how much he cares about vash and all that... but i think the trust that wolfwood solidifies in vash goes beyond personal sentiments. after all, i think wolfwood having saved vash in vol 8 is because he trusted vash would be capable of saving humanity and that trust was enough for him to risk his own life... despite being afraid of dying, despite not being Ready to die, despite his own personal doubts and uncertainties and the echo of rebellions falling into ruins, he still went forth to save vash for the sake of humanity and he trusts that vash, despite his lonesome for those 7 months, would be resolute enough to stop knives. --> i’m saying “for the sake of humanity” because that’s just relevant with his thoughts in this chapter. him freeing vash has multitudes of layers that’s both personal and selfless to the fault, but that’s for another post.

and the final light hearted page in this chapter, where they chit chat a bit casually. i feel like every time we see wolfwood in his off time, he’s always eating something/discussing eating, which is kind of cute. he’s on top of his meals!! and of course, one of the best panels for millymeryl, the utter destruction and devastation in that house and meryl looking like she definitely Did not sleep from the chaos (and probably due to her own nightmares too) while milly is refreshed... they’re the cutest ever. 

anyway, that was the last page so that means this chapter is finished! the way this chapter went full circle in regards to wolfwood’s thoughts, how all of his worries eventually led to a resolution to his feelings about vash... i think wolfwood’s point of view is always a gift to explore because his thoughts sometimes conflict to the resolution he comes to, especially when it comes to vash. wolfwood never had a presence like vash in his life, never known someone so different but still so similar to him. it’s all very new, so i think wolfwood’s circling thoughts, confusion, and the eventual choices he make when it comes to vash is a precious insight that i’m Very grateful towards nightow for.

i don’t know how to conclude this, but that’s all i have to observe! i hope it’s understandable what i mean when i say this chapter feels like an arc of itself and yet, it’s still so perfectly entwine with the rest of the plot. wolfwood’s thoughts here are not foreign, his development doesn’t come from nothing; it’s all a steady progression and i think it’s valuable for all the decisions he ultimately makes in the future chapters.

[weggggs]

So, Empire of Death- loved most of the episode, but it seems like a lot of people dislike the end. While I don't exactly hate the ending, I do have some issues with it...

I have no problem with Ruby's mother being an ordinary human; as predictable as it is, I think the theme of "imagined importance" in the episode helps it stick the landing.

I've also seen people complaining about Sutekh being defeated too easily. In the moment, I was actually fine with how he was defeated because of the trade-off; Ruby wanted to know who her mother was all her life, but in the process of defeating Sutekh, she tossed out the only thing she had that could tell her who she was. Maybe not the most dramatic ending, but a decent way to wrap up her arc.

The mixed feelings for me come in with Ruby finding her mother afterwards. It feels really contrived. It feels like RTD just slapped on the "perfect ending" for everyone here.

And it also comes out of nowhere, because just about 5 minutes before, we had Ruby take her only key to finding her mother and smash it against the floor. I thought that could have been the point where she finally let go, or at least made her peace with not knowing. In fact, that was exactly what I thought would happen from the very start of S14.

At the very least, they could have kept it more open-ended or ambiguous. Or maybe they could have done with just the reunion. But the whole family get-together afterwards, with Ruby even finding her dad, it really felt like the show's trying to have it's cake and eat it too.

Otherwise, pretty good episode though

[fedoraspooky]

I haven’t been here long. What irritating changes have been made?

Credit where it's due, some changes have been good, like polls and stuff! But the big recent changes thus far that I would classify as irritating are:

- The UI change. This one may be less irritating for newcomers because it's basically the same layout as twitter and instagram, but for a lot of folks who've been here a long time, it feels cramped and like a loss of identity for the site. For many, the appeal of tumblr is that it ISN'T an algorithm hell like twitter or insta. Also, there's the annoyance of having to relearn where everything is, because it all got moved around.

- The users being lab rats for various tests the devs wanna pull out of nowhere without consenting to beta testing new site features- like the one that took away user icons on the dash for like half the site. They finally put them back after getting enough feedback that said NO, but users were so used to their feedback being disregarded that they were half expecting the change to be pushed through anyway.

- The Netflix tie-in advertising being pushed even to people who had PAID tumblr for a no-ads experience. Complete with them somehow thinking it would be a good idea to put an unescapable-by-scrolling spooky clown on peoples' dashboards that u had to use ublock to get rid of. While I'm not scared of clowns and often find them quite charming, it sucks that staff didn't take coulrophobia being a common fear into account.

- A wave of fully sfw trans posts being wrongfully marked Mature and staff doing little to nothing about it. Not sure if this is still ongoing, but it destroyed a lot of trust and good will. (LGBT+ users have been having to fight a constant war against censorship ever since the adult content ban on tumblr, so yeah... Nevar 4get the list of banned search words that would bring back no results, like 'girl')

- The site gradually moving away from customization. Tumblr is a BLOGGING site. But it seems to have lost sight of that fact, because most new users don't even know you can fully customize your blogs with css and stuff (an option that is now off by default for new accounts!), because of the in-dash viewer giving you only how blogs look on mobile, which is a lot more uniform. There, it's more like every other site- you get a banner and icon. Oh, but you can change colors and fonts from a drop-down list too, that's cool I guess. Though they recently took away custom color schemes on Message windows, just another little bit of personalization taken away.

- TUMBLR. LIVE. Basically tumblr teamed up with a skeevy dating app partner to allow for livestreams- but not the cool kinda livestreams like on twitch where you can draw or play games, no- to a site full of people who value anonymity, they decided to push phone cam only livestreams. Not only that but by agreeing to the terms, you're giving out tons of personal data including your location to said skeevy dating app partner and all of THEIR third-party ad partners. Needless to say, most people didn't wanna use it, so instead of users it's flooded by p*rn bots (which is ANOTHER issue we've been dealing with for a long time and have been getting an even bigger influx of FROM tumblr live) and scammers. And thus, since tumblr likes to put a carousel of current streams on people's dashes, you often get softcore p*rn thumbnails from the bot streams with no way to avoid it except for toggling off tumblr live entirely.

- Oh wait. That's right. You CAN'T toggle it off. Because you can only snooze it for a while until BAM, you're jumpscared by a carousel of ladies licking your screen again! But hey, at least they made the snooze 30 days instead of the 7 it used to be, right? Yeah, except for the fact that you can't get rid of the tumblr live button itself on the app anymore, and now it's front and center with a NEW notification tag on it, overlapping your dash and cramming useful stuff like the search button out of the way.

NOW- A lot of this stuff CAN be at least mostly fixed on desktop by installing ublock and xkit and tampermonkey + dashboard unfucker... But that's a lot of stuff just to make the site usable, you know?

[shorthaltsjester]

begging twitter to stop showing me tweets of people with no reading comprehension misrepresenting things I said but since i was going to make this more in-depth post Anyway .

when i say imogen is better read as a metaphor for generational trauma than she is a metaphor for queerness or chronic pain, i’m not talking about legitimate traits she has as a character. obviously she is queer. obviously she experiences some form of chronic pain (though i would argue her magic better suits chronic illness not pain because she states that it’s Not always painful, but it does always influence how she lives her life).

when i talk about how well she’s understood as a metaphor, i’m talking about when i’m looking at her as a part of a story, as an arc that i am witnessing rather than in the more typical fandom way of this is a fictional person who interacts with exandria as real people do. and that is a fun way to interact with characters, i enjoy it a lot! but when i say imogen (to me, as i for some reason have to clarify on my own blog which implies that these are my own opinions and not absolute fact that needs to be accepted by people on the internet with different experience and opinions than me) is best read as a metaphor for generational trauma, it isn’t a dismissal of her queerness or her illness, it’s just me thinking looking at her from that angle is more compelling.

imogen has been one of my favourite characters and least favourite characters in campaign 3 because i tend to analyse her through a lens of generational trauma and she ends up looking extremely familiar to me as someone with a family that carries their’s heavily which is as comforting as it is frustrating.

for me the main thing that looking at imogen through a queer lens of literary analysis fails to account for is harm. on the one hand - the harm that imogen experiences, not because of how people treat her for who she is, but that exists simply as a factor of her being ruidusborn. on the other hand a the harm that imogen causes. not to say that she is some malicious villain waiting for her chance to harm others, but that there are things about being ruidusborn that very much do incline her towards violence in a way that she might not otherwise be - i think about the conversation after she went nuclear and chet brought up people being scared of her connecting that to her father keeping distance. the only harm that queerness provides comes from society, and that isn’t the case in exandria. even metaphorically, the thing that society fears in ruidusborn people (while it has certainly been exacerbated by centuries of superstition and practices like we saw in zephrah) is a tangible threat. imogen’s magic when not controlled can wipe out a city block, but queerness poses no threat.

that’s why i’m not compelled by imogen’s backstory as a queer metaphor. not because i’m some imodna anti (i very emphatically am not but this fandom kinda makes me wish i was sometimes) or because i think exandria’s lack of homophobia/transphobia means that characters can’t be viewed through a queer lens or that critical role doesn’t contain some of the most compelling queer metaphor i’ve encountered. imogen just isn’t one of those characters, not because she isn’t queer, or because i think her story shouldn’t resonate with queer people, just because i find the generational trauma angle more consistent.

it’s similar with the chronic illness angle, which i will refer to as illness but you’re welcome to emphasise pain, we all have different vocabularies for the experiences we face. but just to give context i’m running off laura’s comparison of imogen’s powers to her own sensory issues and anxiety which while often Lead to pain, fall more into chronic illness in imogen’s context to me. and i do think there’s substantial comparison for imogen’s story as a metaphor for chronic illness, but i think that was much more true earlier in the campaign than it is looking at her from the current context. her beginning motivation being her search for knowledge about her powers really resonated with me as similar to someone experiencing symptoms of chronic illness but who could neither figure out how to treat them or what they were caused by.

but then imogen got more information, specifically about her mother, and her priority became not understanding her powers but understanding her current state as a person - how had she become the person she is, inclusive of her powers but very much emphasising her lack of a mother who became more and more present in the unweaving web of ruidusborn lore. that’s when i was less compelled by the chronic illness reading and more compelled by viewing her as a metaphor for generational trauma. had that not been enough on its own, imogen’s visit to relvin and her recent thoughts on her mother would be enough to convince me.

the part that makes me hesitant about this post is that generational trauma is so intensely linked to the contexts under which it is created and perpetuated. so i can’t really point to specific scenes as evidence of specific things that prove generational trauma is the most compelling and i don’t really want to unload that much of my own experience to clarify my thoughts on a character. but vaguely, i will say that imogen’s relationship with her parents is obviously the clearest source for my reading her as a metaphor for generational trauma. the fact that relvin, the only person in her family without the thing that draws society’s ire, is also the person that she has the most willing anger at is also indicative of this to me. in general, imogen’s rage that so easily transitions into sadness and vice versa comes out a lot in conversations about parents. most recently, i think about ashton’s lovely speech about found family and his distrust about parents and how as they were speaking, laura seemed to be playing imogen as sadly in thought versus months ago when fearnes parents showed up with striking similarities to liliana and imogen’s words of wisdom were let’s hurt them all.

and like. to me that angersadnessvengeancegrief is particularly evocative of the feelings that arise when you are in a family with generational trauma, especially when you are aware of it. because imogen can and has followed the logical steps that have led her and her family to where they are. early on when recounting her relationship with her dad she seemed wistful but understanding of the distance between them. in nearly every encountered with a parental figure imogen seems to be some level of distrusting for the most part, but she’s still holding out hope that her mother will see the good side. and further, there’s the complication of how dire her losing her powers seems to be, and how inextricable her powers are from every aspect of her life. she’s also southern and from a blue collar family. this means nothing except it also means a whole lot.

this is messy and not well organised but if you want a good essay you’re gonna have to pay me money for it but tldr: i say things i believe on my This Is My Opinion Blog and i don’t think i need to explain my thoughts to strangers on the internet but this was already half written in my drafts and if people are gonna shit on my opinions please at least do it in good faith and shit on my actual opinions not the ones you’ve decided i have.

[dayurno]

what makes Kevin Day/James Rhemann truly work? i am. fascinated. need legit excuses to foam at the mouth for them.

in canon: absolutely nothing at all

in this fic specifically: rhemann has been trying to convince the usc board to fund the trojans' exy team as much as it funds the football team for about as long as he's been a coach at usc, and one of the first thing kevins offers upon visiting is to help him achieve that goal. kevin specifically offers to help by talking to the board, which rhemann finds amusing if a little preposterous because he knew kayleigh once and it sounds like the kind of nonsensical proposal she'd make based on her name alone. he only really takes kevin's word for it once coach wymack vouches that indeed kevin managed to convince the entire psu board to sign on neil on the sole promise that kevin would make him court, which is truly nothing but at this point in his career it might be the last hope he has. rhemann and kevin (and jeremy) spend a lot of time together drafting a proposal to the university and going over the trojans' finances, which puts them at close contact, sometimes well into the night, alone, with kevin day in glasses,

more so i think it's probably to me the dynamic of. first of all hope. rhemann is closer to retiring than he cares to admit and he'd lost all hope of seeing the trojans achieve their full potential during his career, and kevin acts both as a balm to that and a last resort that Feels like what rhemann was missing this entire time. on a more intimate level i made rhemann and kayleigh friends once; he was never in love with her but he spent a non negligible amount of time living in her shadows as a fellow defenseman, and the age difference aside kevin makes him feel just as uncertain about the future as kayleigh had, once, and the similarities astound him. there's also a little bit of it being years since rhemann has last actually played exy: i made him an ex-goalie who retired peacefully and gracefully to being a coach! his career wasn't much to look at so he's very surprised once kevin actually remembers that rhemann played and for what team, remembers his stats and his successes and failures and thinks that if rhemann had stayed on track and worked harder he might have been able to make it as a player. i Really wanted to have a scene where kevin convinces c rhemann to play with him at least for a little bit even though it's obvious that on a shootout against the best striker in the league kevin is wiping the floor with him, and i think that scene is a turning point for both of them because it establishes a little bit of trust and a little bit of wonder and hopefully a lot of unresolved sexual tension

[backtothedisaster]

Hi zer4k guy its me the wainlock guy. Do you think Fl4k would like, make stuff out of their trophies for Zer0.

Hello packmate I have killed a wolven and turned its pelt into a coat for you, yes you can wear it over your suit. We are pair bonding.

YES absolutely. your mind is huge

i think it could go either way. as in fl4k would kill something with the express purpose of making a gift for zer0 or zer0 would give fl4k something and like two days later theyve made something out of it and left it on zer0s desk. Either way i drew this picture out of what you said. i think it gets cold on promethea or something