#i hope this manages to answer a couple of messages i got on this issue

[cyripticchronicler]

Hiii I have a request for Matt Murdock I was thinking him with an reader who’s job has gotten more stressful and it starts to get to them they get dizzy and lightheaded but brush it off until it happens around Matt and he can sense that it happened and he gets all protective and caring

Preferably fem reader but gn is also totally fine so everyone can enjoy it !

If this isn’t your cup of tea I totally get that !

In His Arms

Thank you for requesting, sweetie. I kind of went off track a little and I'm sorry :( (If you want me to rewrite it I happily will!) But either way, I hope you enjoy it!

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: Overwhelmed by your growing workload and the pressure to prove yourself, you keep your struggles hidden—even from Matt. When the stress leads to a breakdown, he pulls you back, reminding you that love means sharing the load.

TW: Panic attack, mentions of anxiety, pet names (I can't help it), swearing

Masterlist

Stress was a familiar feeling to you. Its sharp claws seemed always to be gripping onto you tightly. You’ve learnt how to manage the lack of air in your lungs and the painful squeezing of your heart whenever you go through a rough patch. 

That’s why the feeling of anxiety creeping up your spine was carelessly ignored. You regret that you shrugged the feeling away, too focused on your work. It’s much easier to calm your bones' nervous trembles before it worsens. 

But now it’s too late. 

You’ve been so distracted by your work. Your colleague had just gone on maternity leave after giving birth to twins. You weren’t sure what would happen to her workload, but you certainly didn’t think it would all be passed down to you. 

Now all your brain can seem to focus on is the deadlines coming closer by the minute. They flash in your mind each time you consider taking a break. You never take a break - this is your one chance to prove to your boss that you’re ready to take on more responsibility. The rumours floating around the office of potential promotions, motivating your hard work ethic. 

You’ve always been a hard worker; had always been distracted by what you consider important rather than what was essential- like eating, or sleeping. Each time you got away with it. You didn’t have anyone to look after you. 

Until Matt came along. 

He’s such an attentive man and would be even without his heightened senses. You knew he’d be worried about your desperation to complete your work, completely gone to the rest of the world as your stomach grumbled louder and your under eyes got darker. 

He’s a natural worrier. That’s what compelled you to keep your stress a secret. It’s hard lying to a human lie detector,  so you’ve taken to avoiding instead. It’s easy to avoid him when you’re so busy, anyway. A couple of messages per day seems to keep him subdued for now and you’re glad; it’s all the attention you could offer.

Your lip is pulled between your teeth, chewing hard enough to draw the taste of metallic blood. None of the words before you make sense through your blurry eyesight. As you attempt to read the same sentence for the third time, you angrily rip off your glasses and groan. 

Black spots take over your vision as you rub at your eyes aggressively, hoping the sickeningly dizzy feeling that’s making your throat feel tight will go away. It’s useless, yet you only allow yourself a second break before gulping down some water and returning to work. 

Your phone rings as soon as your fingertips touch the keys of your laptop and a curse slips out of your mouth before you can stop it. You hate yourself for the spark of annoyance that has your blood boiling when you read Matt’s name on your phone. 

He’d already left three messages from before. As well as a voice message that you hadn’t yet listened to; you were practically forced to answer the phone so as not to draw concern. You’re determined not to burden him with your issues - he’s a vigilante for God’s sake, he doesn’t need your petty problems on top of his own. 

“Hey, Sweetheart.” His deep voice crackles through your phone speaker. Instantly, your shoulders relax and your eyes flutter shut. He’s the bright sun during cold days, the flowers during winter; beautiful and everything you long to see.

“Hey, Matt.” You respond lazily, mustering up enough energy to open your eyes and read the words on your laptop screen. You use one hand to type while the other holds your phone to your ear. You can hear his smile in his voice. “I’ve barely talked to you all day. I thought you were coming to mine for dinner. Did you get my voicemail?”

Guilt nags at your stomach. “I’m so sorry, Matt,” the little sigh you can hear through the other line has your heart splintering, “I’ve just been so busy with staying on top of my work as well as Mara’s-”

“It’s okay. I know how busy you’ve been. I could come by with dinner. I can do some work while you do yours.” You hate to diminish the hope in his voice, but you know he'd be worried about your obvious stress as it shines through in your old clothing and unbrushed hair (not that he’d be able to see but feel). 

“Can we do a raincheck?” You whisper, guilt nagging at your stomach. His voice is so sweet. So understanding. It makes you want to cry. “Of course, baby. Try to eat, please. And take breaks. I’ll call you tomorrow; maybe we can go out for lunch.”

“Maybe,” If I’ve got enough work done, “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

You drop your phone on your lap as soon as the call ends. For once, you’re thankful for the large amounts of work, as it distracts you from the guilt that claws and tugs at your skin. 

⚝⚝⚝

The second time Matt calls, you’re nose-deep in paperwork that was slammed down on your desk. ‘More of Mara’s work,’ your boss said before leaving you with the rasing anxiety in your chest. Thoughts of taking your lunch break didn’t even assimilate in the blurry haze of your mind. 

Only the shrill ring of your phone brought you out of your bubble of work. Sighing, you don’t bother to check the name before picking it up, as you already know who it is. “Hey, Matt.” Your hand still scribbles words on the paper, phone pressed awkwardly against your ear by your shoulder.

“Hey. I called to see if you wanted lunch, but you sound busy.” Unlike last time, his voice doesn’t soothe your racing heart. If anything he makes it worse. “I’m so sorry,” you hope he can hear the sincerity in your voice, “I miss you. As soon as the crazy amount of work has subsided, I’ll call you.”

“Is there any way I can help?” You can’t help but smile at his caring nature, wanting nothing more than to be with him. But you know if you went to lunch you’d be too focused on work to be good company. “Remember that I love you?”

His laugh makes your heart melt, anxiety melting away with it. “Of course. As long as you remember that I love you. I won’t call so I don’t distract you from your work, but please take care of yourself. I love you so much, honey.”

“I love you too.” You hang up the phone and instead of returning to work immediately, you just sit there in silence, staring at the piles of paperwork in front of you. The sting of unshed tears joined by a nervous feeling in your stomach is enough to make you want to throw up. You’re so tired. 

You should have listened to your body. You should have gone out for lunch and taken a break. But instead, you got back to work, ignoring the bright red signs of a panic attack on the rise. 

⚝⚝⚝

Having been diagnosed with anxiety when you were younger, you’ve learned to identify signs of an upcoming panic attack. First, you begin to feel dizzy, then a little lightheaded. Your heart begins to hurt, and your stomach starts to turn. Then you can’t breathe, and you’re scratching at your skin to give your lungs more space to breathe. 

Now, as you stand in your kitchen, staring at the piles of paperwork that cover the dining room table, it’s hard to ignore how your body reacts to the sight of the never-ending workload; the feelings you so carelessly ignored before forced to be brought to attention. 

Your eyesight is unfocused, and you are unable to concentrate on the hand you’re using to prepare a small dinner. Your hands violently shake by your side and feel incredibly weak. But that isn’t what worries you; it’s the lack of air entering your lungs that has your eyes squeezed shut. 

Feelings of worthlessness travel up your throat and block your airways. You’re having a panic attack. The realization has you sliding down the fridge and to the floor, tears running freely down your flushed cheeks. You bring your knees to your chest, hands scratching at your throat as if it would allow air into your beaten lungs. 

Your body feels so weak, you’re sure you wouldn’t be able to stand up if you tried. You’re lost to the darkness and anguish the past weeks have wrought upon you; lost to the cruel insecurities your mind created to fool you into this vicious despair. 

No matter how hard you cry, how hard you claw and scrape at your skin, you still can’t breathe. Hopelessness washes over your chilled skin, pulling you into its shadows. You can do nothing but let it take you as its own, the fight for air warring off as you succumb to the darkness that spots your eyes. 

And as your eyes flutter shut, you fail to notice the opening of the window in the living room. You fail to notice the hurried steps and the gloved hands that hold your face gently. Or the man’s desperate calls of your name. 

⚝⚝⚝

The first thing you notice when you regain consciousness is the exhaustion that wracks through your frail body. The second thing is the man who lays next to you on your bed. 

Matt. 

He’s sleeping peacefully, chest moving up and down in slow breaths. You frown, unsure of why he’s here. The last thing you remember was you freaking out about the workload and having a panic attack. You must have fainted from the lack of air, you consider then immediately cringe. How embarrassing. 

“What are you thinking about?” You jump at the sound of Matt’s deep voice, eyes shooting up to watch a small smile grace his face at your reaction. “Why are you here?” The question comes out ruder than you intended, but Matt’s smile doesn't waver. 

“I was on patrol,” he begins, pulling you into his warm embrace, “and figured I’d stop by to check on you. I wasn’t going to come in, just listen-”

“-that’s not creepy at all-”

“-then I heard you panicking. Your heart was beating really fast and you were breathing really heavily. You were already passed out from lack of air by the time I was inside.” He pulls you in tighter like the moment still haunts him. You trace your fingertips gently down his bare arm, ear against his chest as you listen to his heartbeat. 

“What happened, sweetheart?” He asks when it became clear you weren’t going to speak. You sigh. “I’ve been a little stressed lately. And I should’ve listened to my body but I didn’t. There’s just so much work and such little time. I can’t handle all of this workload.” The familiar bite of tears has you shoving your head in Matt’s neck, letting him hold you tightly and reassure you that everything will be okay. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? We could have worked through your stress together,” He questions quietly and you shake your head in response. “You take the burden of everyone else’s problems, and still go out every night to face all the bad guys- I just didn’t want to burden you with my problems on top of all the rest.”

He pulls away and you try not to frown at the lack of contact. Slowly, his fingers move under your chin and compel you to look into his beautiful, unfocused eyes that sparkle in the city lights shining through your windows. “You are not a burden. Your problems are not a burden. I want to be here for you. I want you to tell me what’s going on in that smart little head of yours-” He flicks your forehead playfully before giving it a small kiss “-And I want you to know you can talk to me.”

You nod your head slowly, feeling like a child that’s just been scolded. “Okay.” He lays there in silence for a moment, seemingly contemplating his words before he speaks, “I think you need to talk to your boss,” you open your mouth to protest but he cuts you off with a gentle squeeze, “This amount of work isn’t healthy. I mean, why hasn’t the workload been separated and passed around to all of your co-workers? It’s fucking stupid if you ask me. She’s obviously taking advantage of your brilliance-”

“-Matt,” You cut him off with an amused smile. His eyes glint at the sound of your giggles as if that was his mission all along and he won first place. 

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me. If anything I’m being selfish.” He grins cheekily, kissing your palm as it raises to cup his cheek. “And why, pray tell, are you being selfish?” Your smile is sly and knowing. 

“Because I’m doing this to get my beautiful girl back and into my arms. Foggy isn’t as good company as you, y’know.” You giggle, holding him tightly as your mind settles on a decision. “I’ve missed you too.”

Tomorrow you’ll call your boss and ask for a lessened workload. But for now, you’re just going to lay in bed with the man you love dearly and let him hold you tightly. 

[convxction]

HELLO!!! Been following your blog since like I was in 6th grade? Just now made a tumblr account so HELLO YOUR CHROM GIVES ME HAPPIES!! 💙💙

Anyway question for Chrom and the muse, does Chrom ever get sick? Colds or anything? Headaches? Stomach issues? I know he hates rhubarb but I was wondering if he had a immune system/stomach of *steel* besides that. The nurse in me wants to know!

Okay thank you have a lovely day ^o^

*insert x files music*

sINCE 6TH GRADE!?! UM! HOW OLD ARE YOU!?!?! NOW??????? LIKE..SINCE WHEN DID YOU SEE MY CHAOTIC DISPLAY OF WRITING ON THIS SILLY GOOFY BLOG THAT I TRY TO KEEP AS 'PROPER' RP BLOG AND FAMILY FRIEND????and like fails...because life truck san lol

ok um i'm glad my rambling here makes someone happy haha. lives to serve the crumbiest of the scrumbtious of mister fayre embrumbu, krumb. honestly, this is my crazy zone where i can rant about this silly man and have fun and feel happy when people like you say that they are happy to read my chaotic thoughts nyehehehe~

and a question!? heck yeah my favorite kind of support hoho~

you got that right! and i think i might have mentioned this before here or on discord about him wolfing down literally anything because you know there was a time when ylisse was not doing great after le papa did that 'let's go to za war~' ylisse lost most of its farmers and able hands so basically agriculture and economy took a dive in the plegian sea. so in short, they had to survive on what they already had or managed to acquire from Ferox (ofc not charity) and ofc that means c/hrom had to eat what was given to him. so for his stomach, it is almost a black hole unless you are talking about sully, kjelle, lucina and vaike's food--he is still pretty much human and will keel over because of their mystery food x LOL

as for getting sick hmmm not really but the downside of him not getting sick that often is that when he actually gets sick, it is severe. and it does not help that he tries to act cool and tough and obviously anti-sleeping-on-bed. you literally have to strap him to the bed or put frederick on watch lmao. i mentioned before that his physical health is top notch but when it comes to mental health is questionable teehe~ you need naga's mercy and the power of tough love to shake dem demons out of him lololol.

i hope the nurse in you is satisfied with this answer ~ if you got any thoughts share them! it would be interesting to know more practical and medical side of things since i know zero about them hoho. thanks uncle gloglgoglo for answering some questions i have at times lol

thanks lovely! your ask made me so happy, too! honestly i had to stare at it for a couple of hours and wait for the 'syke' but turns out a nice message ;u; <3

[msviolacea]

about me

A couple of recent posts seem to have drawn more than a handful of non-bot followers, so hello! It’s probably time for a pinned post with some info that seems important to various parts of Tumblr.

Hi, I’m Jaime! I am Very Old in Tumblr terms - you’ll see me talking about my actual age if you stick around, but I don’t post my age in my bio, because random passers-by don’t need to know.

I live in the American Midwest, I’m queer, and I’ve got neurodivergencies/mental health issues that will occasionally come up in posts. 

I don’t automatically follow back. I learned a while ago that happiness is a manageably sized dashboard. 

I am extremely multifandom. Whatever you see posted here right now is subject to change on a whim. 

I write fanfic (when my brain allows), play video games and TTRPGs, and love many many things related to the SFF and romance genres.

I like a lot of things in my fanfic and other fanworks that others find distasteful. I have very, very few things I will judge you for liking in your fiction. 

If you’re not down with all varieties of queer - or the use of the word queer as a general community term - this is not a place for you. 

The ask box is always open - I may be slow to answer sometimes, because brain weasels, but I do love getting messages from folks! Feel free to introduce yourself, or just poke me if we’ve been mutuals for a while. 

That’s probably good for the basics. Thanks for following, I hope to get to know some of you!

[phantasmechanical]

I’m trying to keep myself awake in the ER this morning so here’s some tales from my two years working this job

on my very first day where I was working without someone shadowing, I have a grown man who’s got a standard issue upper respiratory infection, he’s not even running fever. I’m trying to go through consents with him and he’s whimpering and moaning all of his answers. When I ask him if he wants to receive text messages, he sniffles and says “nooooo I just want the pain to stoooooop”

Young man literally set to get married that afternoon comes in at about nine, walks up to the window, and slowly gets down onto his hands and knees and then lays down in the fetal position under my window. Won’t reply to me when I ask him what’s wrong. His grandfather comes in and tells me he’s been vomiting. I manage to get him checked in despite the fact that he is on the floor and won’t respond to me, his grandfather gets him in a wheelchair, and when they’re in the waiting room my dude gets up out of the wheelchair to lay back down on the floor. His mom arrived after he’d been taken back to a room and she did his registration for him while actively tucking him in. The kicker? He was vomiting because he was hungover. Nothing was wrong with him. I hope his poor fiancé saw the red flags

A two year old was brought in by ambulance because she had a [pea or peanut I can’t remember] stuck up her nose. Her parents called 911. Over an item in the nose. The doctor had it out in 30 seconds.

A guy came in for pain in the genitals and peeing blood. It turns out that he had done something during intercourse to injure his dick two days prior, ignored it, jerked off the next day and it still hurt, continued to ignore it, finally came in on the third day after he started peeing blood. I overheard the doctor say that surgery couldn’t fix it and the damage was permanent . Dude broke his dick permanently. Rip guy I hope you’re making it.

Man argued with the doctor for 20 minutes that the doctor was ignoring the obvious growth on his chest. Kept pointing to the “bumps.” The bumps were his ribs showing because he was sitting at an angle to make them stick out.

Farmer dude accidentally cut off two of his fingers with a table saw. Then left them at home. He didn’t bring them to the emergency room to even see if we could put it back on.

Man who had no allergies or preexisting conditions comes in because a scorpion touched him. Not stung, touched. His diagnosis was “contact with scorpion.” He never claimed to have any pain or welts or anything he just said “you can never be too careful.” I’m sorry sir I’m going to have to disagree this time.

A guy visiting from California (it’s important) kept accusing me of trying to trick him by signing the consent forms every single patient signs. Made me turn around my computer screen to prove that I had marked his answers the way he said, as if I benefit in any way from him…. [checks notes] getting text messages when he didn’t want to. As I was finally finishing up, the nurse came in with some pain medication for him. (Like Tylenol or sth, nothing hard) He refused the medication because it’s “chemicals” and asked for some “medicinal herbs” instead. I cannot stress enough that this is a small rural hospital in small town Texas.

Not a patient, but this woman called the front desk at like 5 in the morning on Labor Day asking for a catheter stabilizer for her husband. (Basically a piece of plastic with adhesive to hold catheter tubing to someone’s leg so that gravity doesn’t tug on the Inside Part) When I told her that we can’t give out medical equipment except for patients, she informed me that he’s been a patient a few weeks prior for different issue. “Does that help?” No ma’am it sure doesn’t. “Well if we go to his primary doctor on Tuesday, will he have one to give us?” I don’t even know who your doctor is!

A couple came in to be seen for flu like symptoms. While they were waiting, they opened up a snickers bar and each ate on one end to meet in the middle like in Lady and the Tramp.

A man refused to be weighed on our scale because it measured in kilograms, and the metric system was “a communist plot.” He did not elaborate on what the intentions of this plot were. His wife sighed when he started talking as if this happens a lot.

[omegaremix]

Golden Era Revisited.

The first two weeks of 2011 was an eventful one for me right from the get-go. On New Year’s Day, an old high-school “friend” was kicked out by his soon-to-be ex-wife. He messaged me to drive out to Patchogue to help move all of his life possessions out to his new residence in Lake Ronkonkoma and be his unwilling moving target. A few days later, I won a week-long stay at Stony Brook Hospital for a digestive condition; one that had my manager Bob screaming at me over the phone as to when I was coming back to work. Real classy people I had in life.

I came back the day after discharge and Bob put me on for five straight days before giving me my first day off. It was Wednesday and I decided to try something new: food shopping at the very market I worked at. Fruits, vegetables, Italian cookies, cold cuts, breadsticks, iced tea, soup - all of it. Total: $45.00, no discount. Said “hi!” and smiled to the young skinny blonde hussy leaning on the courtesy counter and left without an issue.

I was feeling pretty head-heavy that afternoon. Blame the greyscale skies and rainy mid-40’s forecast. I had no other plans except only to stay home, check my online dating profile, and see what the latest new music releases were. HipHopSite championed a new release from Tha Grimm Teachaz; a “lost” album that was “scrapped” due to having a rough-up with Shaquille O’Neill at a music showcase but was “discovered” by Serengeti’s brother and was “finally” issued. “I Getz” dropped and it was a backpacker’s dream. Serengeti, Prince Mighty Dark Force, and DJ Koufie joined forces for what sounded like a golden-era throwback that somewhat didn’t add up when I heard the lyrics and read that it was finished in 1993, but still. It sounded so fresh to me and could’ve sounded like it did come from the mid-Nineties. It got me going.

Then something clicked in my head. I wanted to go back to that sound, that production value. There was nowhere else for me I thought of going except back to the golden era. Youtube made some similar suggestions and I went with them. Jamal, B.U.M.S., Supernatural, Troubleneck Brothers, Stezo, Trends Of Culture. Release dates: 1994, 1995, 1996; the closing years of the rap golden-era when production was polished to a smooth shine. I was absolutely astonished.

How come I never found these artists until now? Their singles and videos sounded exactly like the type of hip-hop I grew up listening to that Hot 97 and Kiss FM played - but they didn’t. For one reason or another those markets chose not to air them and left them behind. I never knew these artists existed but have at some point as other stations aired them and made their videos in hopes of market playback.

I felt like I found undiscovered gold. I kept mining and found Anotha Level, Ruggedness, and 90 Prophets. Ultimately I found what I referred to as white-label hip-hop - triple-digit pressings of unknown and local artists who flew under the radar and were never signed or picked up. Compare these to many of the Skittle- or mumble-jumble rappers of today and you can hear why the white-label artists are considered ‘real hip-hop’ - by the same cats and armchair taste-makers who grew up in the Nineties.

I rifled through a couple hundred of finds in a few days time. It was only a matter of time before I would stumble upon those one or two records whose lyrics and / or samples evaded me for years. What were once mere moments in my head, transitions that were cut off by cassette limitations, or even erasures by other family members (which you later find out after retrieving tapes you once left behind) have finally been answered for. I totally forgot about A. To The D.’s “Cumin Ta’ Getcha’ because I didn’t catch it on tape until I heard it again for the first time since Hot 97 played it upon its release. I only heard it once, but when I found it again, it all came back to me. How amazing is elephant’s memory?

Another record stuck in my head for ages sampled A Tribe Called Quest’s “Scenario” remix and transitioned on-air into a cut that ended but the dee-jay didn’t i.d. it. (It’s not their duty or pay grade to do i.d.’s on Saturday nights.) I had it on another tape which I left behind at my cousin Dorona’s house and by the time I got it back from her, I later learned that she erased it with her one-and-done R&B jams. Ugh. Having memorized the lyrics and song title, I finally found it after all those years: Q Ball & Curt Cazal’s “Makin’ Moves” became a fifteen year-old cold case that was finally solved.

And, while still  there, I wanted to revisit the tried-and-true artists I was heavily into back then and catch what I overlooked the last time, such as A Tribe Called Quest’s “God Lives Through”, Mic Geronimo’s “Shitz Real” remix and Ultramagnetic M.C.’s “Raise It Up”. Returning to Erule’s “Listen Up” and Mobb Deep’s “Give Up The Goods (Just Step)” had me feeling like I was right back in the halls at Brentwood during another winning wrestling season and in Plainview teasing the cute uptight stuck-ups at my friend’s house.

Hadn’t it been HipHopSite’s DJ Pizzo who posted Tha Grimm Teachaz’ release, I wouldn’t have revered golden-era sounds as I have now. Unlike the Seventies where I had to return and rebuild an era I missed out on through T.V. intros- and production i.d.’s, money shows, board games, and Atari 2600 games, it was the Nineties that Dorona and I already lived through and experienced. Though, both decades did have something for me: I felt I went back in time and to a world that no longer exists.

Donald Byrd “Night Whistler”

B.U.M.S. “Elevation (Free My Mind)”

Anotha Level “What’s That Cha Say”

Scientifik “Still A Herb Dealer”

Erule “Listen Up”

Hoodz, The “OOIIOO” (Maniak RMX)

Miilkbone “Keep It Real”

Organized Konfusion “Why?”

Ruggedness “Mad Drama (Make You Go Crazy)”

90 Prophets “The Day I Died”

Ultramagnetic MC’s “Raise It Up”

Supernatural “Buddha Blessed It”

Madd Man “Nod Your Head”

Trends Of Culture “Make A Move”

Scientifik “Lawton”

Stezo “Bop Ya Headz”

Mic Geronimo “Shit’z Real” RMX

90 Prophets “Remember Me”

Mood “Hustle On The Side”

Mad Fam “Dad”

Mobb Deep “Give Up The Goods (Just Step)”

Jamal “Keep It Real”

Att Will “Just Another Day”

Troubleneck Brothers “Back To The Hip-Hop”

Grimm Teachaz “I Getz”

A Tribe Called Quest “God Lives Through”

Q-Ball & Curt Kazal “Makin’ Moves”

[alaffy]

The Last of Us, Ep,2 – Exit Through the Gift Shop (Spoilers)

Well, I won’t be eating dinner through this show.

A lot of this episode is world building; but more like explaining how one survives in the world now. There are also some good character moments.  I mean, I’m not too surprised that The Last of Us is able to transfer to television so well.  It is very much a narrative driven story in the game; so, it makes sense that, so long as they use the game like a blueprint, the show should be strong narratively as well.  

The episode starts out in Jakarta, at the time of the initial outbreak.  A Mycologist is brought in to take a look at a dead body. Long story short, we find out the initial outbreak seems to have happened in a factory where they deal with flour-based goods.  One person is infected and bit three others.  Those three were rounded up and, eventually, killed.  However, there are fourteen people missing from the plant. The government wants the Mycologist to, basically, give them a cure.  However, the doctor knows there isn’t a cure; the only thing they can do is destroy the city and hope it kills all of the infected.  

We don’t know if they chose not to listen or if one of the infected got away before the bombing; but clearly it spreads worldwide.  We do know that the reason why Boston is so decayed after only 20 years is because the larger cities were bombed in order to stop the spread of the disease.

As for our three travelers, well, Joel and Tess aren’t sure what to do with Ellie; seeing as how she’s infected.  Joel thinks that Ellie’s best option is a quick death, as he doesn’t believe she won’t turn.  Ellie tells Tess that the reason she’s so important to the Fireflies is because the Fireflies have a base out west and they think they can create a cure, if they are able to study Ellie.  Tess is able to convince Joel not to turn around seeing as all they have to do is take Ellie to the State Capital, which they are very close to.  But, to do so, they’re going to have to go the long way; through an old hotel.  Unfortunately, some of the hotel has crumbled since the last time they’ve passed.  Tess is able to crawl through some of the rubble so that she can unblock the path they need to go through (although, realistically, it seems like all of them could of crawled through that).  This gives Joel and Ellie some time to talk. It goes about as well as you’d expect.

We do find out that most of those who are infected, don’t survive more than a couple of months; but there are some that have been puppets of the fungus for twenty years.  Joel has killed a number of them, sometimes it’s hard as they used to be people.  Ellie asks if it was hard to kill the guard the night before.  Joel is saved from answering because Tess has managed to unblock the path.  

We also learned more about the fungi and the zombies.  The group ends up on a patio several stories up.  Ellie is able to look down at the street below.  On the street is a swarm of zombies just lying on the ground.  The interesting thing is how they move, almost like leaves on a vine.  One moves, they all move.  It turns out they are connected to the fungus.  In fact, the fungus can be just as dangerous as the zombies because, if you mess with the tendrils located underground, it will send a message to the zombies, and they will come for you.  

So, they realize the only way they’re getting through to the State Building is through the museum.  The biggest issue is that the museum seems to be covered in fungus.  Fortunately, the fungus seems to be dead.  Unfortunately, Ellie runs into a dead body; very much still human and has what looks like claw marks on him.  Tess wonders if he came from outside, but if he didn’t….so, Joel tells Ellie that from hereon out they have to be silent.  Except for the LOUDLY CREAKING STAIRS!!

They manage to make it upstairs.  However, as the go into the main room; debris falls down behind them, blocking the door. And then they hear the sound of a couple of Clickers (a type of zombie in the series).  Clickers can’t see, but they can hear.  Naturally, Ellie breaths in too deep and all hell breaks loose.  Tess is separated from Joel and Ellie.  Joel and Ellie try to crawl away, but Joel accidentally steps on glass.  Joel manages to fight off and kill one; but ends up using all the ammo in his handgun.  The other Clicker races towards them, but Tess appears and hits the Clicker in the head with an ax, giving Joel time to grab his dropped rifle and kill the second Clicker.  Joel asks Tess if she’s alright.  She says she twisted her ankle; but other then that.  Turns out Ellie was bitten again.  

They climb out onto the roof.  Tess sits down to take care of her ankle and Ellie crosses to the nearby roof.  Tess sends Joel to watch over Ellie, while Tess tapes her ankle.  Something about her behavior makes it clear that it’s more than a sprained ankle.  

They get to the state building and find all of the Fireflies are dead.  One got bitten, bit some of the  others, and they all ended up fighting until they all were dead.  With this, Tess starts to freak out.  She starts to look for a radio or a map of where the Fireflies were supposed to take Ellie.  At which point, Ellie realizes that Tess was bitten.  

Joel asks if this is true and Tess shows him that she was bitten in the neck and it’s spreading. She tells Joel to take Ellie to Bill and Frank.  They’ll take Ellie off Joel’s hands and see that she gets to where she was supposed to go. Tess needs Joel to do this because she believes Ellie does hold the key to the cure.  

Joel isn’t able to say anything else, as one of the men starts to move.  Joel shoots him and then he notices the tendrils coming of the floor; which means a horde will soon come.  Tess starts to knock over barrels of gas and boxes of grenades.  She implores Joel to take Ellie, as she’s going to make sure the horde doesn’t follow.  Joel grabs Ellie and drags her out; while Ellie protests at leaving Tess behind.  They leave and, as the horde gets into the building, Tess flicks her lighter.  However, the lighter doesn’t seem to work.  One of the zombies notices Tess and goes over to her.  He starts to infect her with some of the fungus, when Tess finally is able to get the lighter to light.  She drops the lighter into the gas and kills them all.        

[dancingaboutthetrees]

I can only speak for my system so here are my thoughts:

We weren't held responsible as a system (or that's what people promised) when we just found out that we were a system. We were terrified that one of these unknowns in our head would front and do something stupid and we'd have to face the consequences as a system. We were struggling a lot with parts just straight up trying to cover the fact that we're a system, deleting messages & contacts from our phone were the most noticeable.

So the host&co fought it, apologising for the deleted messages, asking for copies and working really hard to stay in the loop. Until the friendships started to break down (not completely due to us, a lot of our friends were poly, dating and breaking up. A lot of them were moving away too) we got mad and one of us said some stupid things so when they moved away & their contact was inevitably deleted we just lost a friend.

I want to be clear no one ever did anything heinous I'm just sharing the experience of a lot of very confused teenagers trying to figure things out.

That caused us massive panic because these unknowns (parts that didn't want to be openly a system but had not communicated it well) had managed to cause an actual problem. Them not being held responsible was the issue. So we sat in the consequences of our actions. For ages. Until the parts that sabotaged friendships in the name of protection and had ducked taking responsibility had not managed to protect us. They'd only kinda messed up. Then they stopped.

As a system learning to band together and live in the consequences is the only way that we can let consequences happen to that one part who refuses to listen. It forced us to work together and be considerate of each other.

I don't believe that you can ever live truly separately from other parts of your system so you kinda have to apologise for them. Even if you feel like John Watson saying sorry that Sherlock Holmes just insulted your livelyhood. If you spend all your time together someone else's reputation will reflect poorly on you. Systems don't get to ditch each other and find less annoying parts. (again this is all my experience)

I don't think system responsibility means you have to feel connected to the part or their actions it's just acknowledging someone is hurt and that you want them to not feel that any more.

Building off of that, how much independence and individualism should headmates and alters have from each other?

I believe as much as you want and can reasonably achieve. It's done wonders for us to be ourselves in different settings. Personally we've a couple of us who act completely different and go by different names. Our friends do refer to them almost as separate people.

They aren't truly separate in that they respect our boundaries but I don't believe that stops individuality.

Our strict rules on how ducking front does not mean as a system we duck responsibility if they ever mess up as themselves they apologise. Otherwise we'd be annoyed and apologise for them.

tl;dr

system responsibility is important and it doesn't make you any less individual

I hope that answers your questions.

Guys I wanna talk about system responsibility more. What does it mean? How far should you go with "system responsibility"? Is system responsibility enabling the negative actions and behaviors of the other members of your system? Why should one headmate or alter be responsible for the actions of another (especially if you ascribe more to the mentality of headmates or alters being individual people who should have their own independence and freedom to do things outside of being part of a system)? Building off of that, how much independence and individualism should headmates and alters have from each other? There's so much and more I wanna talk about on this subject but I'm just gonna toss those questions out into the wind and see who bites.

[roominthecastle]

duality in the Red/Liz dynamic filtered through James’ own words

∎ “If I’m choosing a project on content, it’s through a prism of sexuality, in the oddest corners of someone’s life. I’m not someone so much interested in exploring a slice of life unless that is down the corridor, around the corner, up the alley and down the rabbit hole. That I like.” [x]

∎ “I really think it’s safe to say that you don’t really know what the nature of the relationships are going to be, and also what the future holds for each and every one of the individual cast members. […] For me the [Blacklist] is what I had hoped for when I first read the pilot. It has a broad landscape in every aspect - in terms of tone, storyline, the development of characters, and the development of the relationship between different characters.”

⇢ excerpts from the pilot script (establishing sexual attraction from Red’s side, i.e. “a prism of sexuality”):

On top of instant physical attraction that is clearly indicated in the script, romantic attraction also seems to be in play but this develops slower, is guarded, and lives on a predominantly subtextual level.

∎ “To figure out a character, I try to look for something that’s not in the screenplay - a little secret they carry around with them. Sometimes it’s allowed to show itself, sometimes it isn’t, yet it’s always there.”

∎ “[ Red ] clearly has strong feelings for [ Liz ].” [x]

∎  “The challenge in playing [Red] is really the diligence in trying to strike a balance between what to tell and what not to tell - or to tell something in a way that you are not aware that it’s being told. To let the viewer in on something in a way that you are not telling them something. You’re letting them feel it and see it. Something that is new. Or something that is surprising. Or something that adds just another layer of complexity.”

But sometimes the secret “is allowed to show itself”.

for example, compare James’ personal experience of romantic love

∎ “When you’re in love, you can’t control it. It’s when you can’t take charge of what you feel, when you are completely powerless in the face of the emotion. When it happens, it happens in spite of you.” [x]

with

⇢ Red to Liz in 208, The Decembrist: “When you love someone, you have no control. That's what love is. Being powerless.”

 ⇢ J. Eisendrath in Behind the Blacklist S2: “Red is an incredibly powerful person but the only person who renders him powerless is Liz.”

⇢ Red about Liz in 319, Cape May: “There was a woman I loved. She was my life. My heart.”

There are moments where Red’s attraction - both physical and romantic - clearly surfaces in the text - in dialogue and behavior. This attraction was 100% absent in the past and it sparked in spite of the role Red assigned himself earlier (a protector, nothing more), which is why it must feel like “a kick in the head” when he meets her after decades as an adult.

It is something new, surprising, and complicates things for both of them - especially for Red because it conflicts with the original concept (of the past) he held of her in his mind: the helpless child he saved and felt obligated to protect from afar vs the new concept (the now) which is of the attractive adult woman who is perfectly capable of taking care of herself and demands to be treated as such. He has been struggling with this conflict, trying to come to terms with it, with his feelings, and the colliding concepts that pit his “duty” as a platonic protector with the present attraction he feels as a man (a conflict he projects on Tom’s behavior, as well).

⇢ Red to Kate in 421, Mr. Kaplan: “She's not Masha anymore. With little to none of my presence or influence through the years, she has grown up to be Special Agent Elizabeth Keen.”

⇢ Red to Liz in 611, Bastien Moreau: “All those years spent worrying about you, fancying myself your guardian angel. [My mother] would've taken one look at you and known you'd be fine.”

He is both distancing himself from her past image here and emphasizing the lack of actual contact during her childhood, which makes sense if he is indeed experiencing new, different feelings for her now. He re-affirms that his contribution was in the form of money, which also parallels Liz’s guilt-fueled way of trying to anonymously “compensate” the daughter of a man who got murdered as a result of a situation she was partially responsible for creating. Neither Red’s not Liz’s contribution can be characterized as actual parenting, but they were both trying to be “pseudo providers” in place of parents who - due to crossing paths with them - were no longer around to do so.

In Cape May, Red’s past and present traumas wash together in an opium-induced mind trip. Liz first gets referred to as “a child” he wanted to provide for to balance some cosmic scale but later she becomes “a woman” he loved.

There has been only one 4th wall breakage in the entire show but it is unmistakable and speaks clearly to this “conflict of concepts”:

⇢ Mr. Solomon in 305, Arioch Cain: “What is the deal with you two anyways? It's what everybody wants to know. Some say it's a daddy/daughter thing. Others swear it's May-September. I prefer to believe... it's a little of both.”

This dual approach is also echoed in Eisendrath’s off-screen “twisted paternal” label or his more recent remark about Red’s “Liz fetish”, and Bokenkamp’s interesting take on how there's conflict in Red’s reaction to Liz’s faked death: the parent figure part should forgive, the romantic partner side struggles [x].

James appears to be in agreement:

∎ “It’s a very, very complicated relationship between the two of them. As much as she doesn’t know the true nature of their relationship, I think it’s quite equitable for Reddington, as well, because I think he is trying to grasp a hold of what the true nature of their relationship is now. Forget the past, regardless of what that the past represents. What is the nature of their relationship now and what are even the possibilities of a relationship with her.” [x]

∎ “The most compelling relationship is, in fact, what it’s turning into. What the nature of that relationship is now and what it will be building over the next few years. We’ve already seen them very fractured at times and yet there’s some sort of compulsion that they have for one another. And not just Reddington’s feelings for her but also her feelings for him. And to me that’s one of the most fascinating things besides the fun to be had on the show. In terms of the emotional center of the show.” SDCC ‘14

Based on these bits and pieces (coupled with on-screen interaction), I think it’s safe to conclude that Red and Liz’s present dynamic is in flux and carries conflicting elements. Both James off-screen and Red on-screen emphasize the ultimate importance of their present over their past, though: “Forget what the past represents.” & “She is not Masha anymore.” While this instantly rules out any biological connection, their past still exerts its influence (manifesting in guilt and fueling uncertainty) and it will continue to do so until it is sorted. So it is not surprising (imo) that Liz wants to keep Red both near but also at an arm’s length, repeatedly needing a buffer zone whenever things flare up btw them, be it physical distance (e.g. putting him in jail) or another man (getting involved w/ someone else). He is a question mark still, confused himself, and she faces that wall of puzzling, magnetic intensity that has the very real capacity to consume her (she has been warned of this before by other women, too).

They love each other, that much has been firmly established, but the precise nature of that intense (compulsive) feeling is still under negotiation, so to speak. They may never have an overt romantic-sexual relationship but the seeds are there, they have been since the pilot, and they still have at least one and a half seasons to map the possibilities and figure out the best way to be together.

[morwap]

𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺, 𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

brothers best friend!fwb!theodore nott x fem!reader

smut muggle au!, modern au!

nav • t.n m.list

dom!theo nott, sub!reader, b/n = brothers name, protected sex, p in v, fwb!harry potter x reader mention, mention of sending/receiving nudes, jealousy, lowkey toxic, fingering, handjob, oral f! and m! receiving, light praise and degradation, name calling, use of the word cunt, clit slapping, there’s a safe word in place,

───────✧ 𓆩♡𓆪 ✧───────

your brothers friends were off limits, you knew that, and that’s why you were currently ignoring theodore nott for the life of you, or that was part of the reason you were ignoring him for and the other reason being that a couple weeks ago you saw theo and pansy making out at party on your brothers instagram story.

now that wouldnt be an issue if you hadn’t been fucking theo for the past five months, and your feelings for him grew without you noticing until you saw that god awful post. jealousy filled you and you were taken back by it, literally having to sit your phone down and take a minute. you felt betrayed, theo told you he wasnt with anyone else.

you came up with a quick plan, ghost him to get over him. not that easy since you two go to the same college but youd manage.

and you did, if he got too close you made sure to walk away and stop answering his texts or facetimes and theo noticed about two days into this plan. you expected him to just stop texting but it seemed like he texted more and more.

theo.

hey

hello?

why arent you answering?

cmon y/n wtf

answer the phone

please?

alr whatever

are you being fr??

those were the messages you got on the daily. you turned off your read receipts and just half swiped on snapchat and didnt check your instagram dms and letting your phone ring every time he called.

you fought yourself from answering his messages, you missed him, missed his touch.

you tried telling yourself it was the sex you missed. that once you fuck someone else you’d have no feelings towards him, and so you let harry potter go down on you but all you could think about was the first time you had gotten with theo.

-

it was cold, the breeze chilling your legs as you rubbed your hands on your thighs for some warmth in that area.

your date had gone sour, and what sucked was he was your ride home but you both had disagreed about something which caused him to leave. that and you were hoping to get laid but your fingers could get you off just fine.

you pressed your phone to your ear, calling your brother for a ride.

“hello?”

“b/n can you come pick me up? please?” you pleaded, teeth chattering. you would’ve gone inside the nice cafe but it had been closed.

“im at Blaise’s” b/n sighed. you groaned irritably. blaise’s of fucking course he was at blaise’s which was two hours away.

“i can ask theo to pick you up. that good? hes dorm” b/n suggested, you could hear blaise and draco in the background almost feeling bad for calling while he was with his friends.

“yeah yeah theos fine” you said taking up the offer, hell you wouldnt care if it was enzo that picked you up and you and enzo did not get along—he annoyed you more than your brother at some points in time.

b/n hung up and three minutes later you got a text from theo asking where you were at.

theo’s truck came into view and you hurried inside of it. shutting the door and relishing in the warm air coming from the vents. putting on your seatbelt then rubbing your hands on your legs to warm them up faster.

“thank you” you sighed happily, ready to go to your dorm and take a shower.

“no biggie” theo said and smiled softly at you before he started driving. rain started, theo went slower on the now slick roads. you couldn’t believe how dark it gotten even though it was only seven pm.

“so what happened?” theo asked, glancing over at you for a second, eyes taking in your appearance. you noticed a small almost not noticeable if you didnt look at him in time, a small and quick lip bite.

you laughed softly, leaning back against the leather seats. “date gone sour. he was my ride back to the dorms but we didnt get along and he left” you said summing up the experience for his sake or maybe for yours, rather just forget about it then dwell on it.

theo shook his head, “dickhead” was all he muttered and you laughed softly.

you stilled when theos hand reached your thigh, squeezing a bit. your eyes trailed from his hands—his perfectly sculpted hands to his bicep then to his neck then finally his face. a smug look on his face, butterflies filled your stomach.

was theo always this attractive? yes but did you truly see it before now? no he was just like all your brothers friends and he was the only one you could stand to be around more than five minutes other than blaise.

his fingers traveled up and up and up slowly, finally reaching your silk panties. his fingers grazed over your clothed slit, testing the waters, you let out a soft moan. watching his wrist disappear and reappear from out of your skirt.

moving your panties to the side. his middle finger grazed your clit as you opened your legs a bit for him. he smirked at this, a small chuckle coming from him as he continued to drive.

your clit continued to be toyed with by theo, sometimes moving his finger down to bring some of your wetness up to your clit. you moaned as he did as he pleased.

theos pants got tighter, you could see the print from where you were sitting. biting your lip before moving your hand that was gripping the edge of the passenger seat to his wrist, moving his hand away from you which made him glance over at you with a slightly confused face.

you looked around, the road was empty, not a car in sight. trees all around.

your hands went to his sweatpants, rubbing theos cock through the fabric before getting his cock out fully. theos breathing got quicker.

theo pulled over once you started to suck him off, relaxing into his seat as your tongue swirled around him. theo grabbed your hair, making sure it didnt go into your face.

“fuck—keep going, just like that” theo groaned, his eyes rolling back and his head pushed back onto the head rest a bit. theo pushed your head down quickly causing you to choke a bit. theo laughed a bit before you started sucking on his tip causing him moan mid laugh.

you bobbed your head a few times before theo pulled you off his cock, a string of saliva connecting you to his cock as theo muttered a quick “alright, up” and then the string was broken from him smashing his lips onto yours.

sloppy kisses as he leaned his seat back and guided you onto his lap. his cock pressed between his abdomen and your cunt.

-

you came at the thought of it which harry’s tongue lapping and sucking at your cunt. you had to hold back from moaning theos name. you went down on harry after then you two just started a little friends with benefits.

you still missed theo, missed sneaking into his truck in the middle of the night more times than you could remember during the winter break whether it was for sex or just to hang out. missed getting goodnight and morning texts from him.

missed sneaking around your brother even though it made thing difficult, you wanted to be able to tell people but you knew you couldnt but the sneaking around part was also exciting.

harry did help, he took your mind off theo at times. you and harry normally sent nudes and sexted but when he wasn’t busy with his school work or his track meets and when you were free, you guys would meet up and give each other head; not having gone all the way yet.

but now, it was spring break. no more having to be aware of where you were and were he was at all times just so you didn’t have a chance of bumping into him.

your parents were so happy you and your brother came home for spring break and not gone with your friends, draco,mattheo and blaise offered you and b/n to go on a road trip with them but you both declined.

three days into spring break and your parents went to your guys’ aunts house to help spring clean. they were going to stay for two nights and for you and b/n to be responsible and not tear up the house.

your phone buzzed, groaning as you moved your hand around trying to find it as you watched american horror story on your laptop. you moved your blanket and your phone finally was found.

cho<3

cant come over :( ceds having diner with my parents

you sighed, reading over her message. now you had no plans, you were hoping she’d come over and now you were out of luck and didn’t feel like going out plus you didn’t have your own car.

you

have fun with ced ;)

read

tossing your phone down with a sigh, turning your attention to your laptop.

your phone buzzed again, you picked it up.

theo.

stop ignoring me.

you sighed again then tossed your phone somewhere on your blanket. laying your head down on your pillow then dragging your finger on the mousepad to skip the intro of the new episode.

-

you groaned as you woke up, it was now dark and “are you still watching” was on your laptop screen.

loud noises were heard from downstairs, you sat up and checked your phone. you had a few snaps from blaise, luna, ginny and ron and a message from theo hours ago just saying “ok” you furrowed your brow as you read it off your notification center.

you moved your laptop to the end of your bed. getting up and stretching before going to your drawer and pulling out a pair of cute pink panties and an oversized shirt.

leaving your room with your clothes and heading down the hall to the bathroom. walking past b/ns room, his door was open which was unusual unless one of his friends were over but no one was in there.

stripping off your clothes then getting into the shower, letting the hot water run down your skin. scrubbing your skin with your favorite body wash then rinsing off your body.

you heard voices, not just your brothers but someone else’s. your heart sank as you hurried and put on your clothes. quickly cleaning up water that had gotten on the floor with a towel then putting it into the laundry basket as your brushed your teeth.

finishing up in the bathroom, after putting on lotion and doing your skin care routine. you walked to your room about to open your door before you heard it.

a laugh, not just any laugh but theodore fucking notts laugh.

maybe it was your mind playing tricks on you. you tip toed to the stairs, taking a couple steps down then crouching to try and see without going all the way down the stairs. peeking through the railing, and there he was.

theo and b/n talking, you cursed at yourself in your head as theo glanced up at you. theo smirked.

hurrying up the couple steps then to your room. chewing on your nails, now you were just going to stay in your room til he left.

this was supposed to be a relaxing break in which you did not have to watch your back 24/7. you plopped onto your bed, groaning in the process. maybe theo was just here to hang out with b/n and that was it, you knew theo wouldn’t pull anything in front of him but it didn’t save you from the awkward tension, or seeing him when walking to the kitchen or bathroom.

just stay in your room and don’t come out, that was your plan.

you spent hours in your room, trying to watch show after show to keep your mind off theo being in your house but you couldnt he kept slipping into your mind and clouding it up with thoughts of only him and no one else.

staring at your ceiling, realizing your first plan was not working and you were not getting over him and perhaps the plan made it worse.

your eyes felt heavy and you started to drift off.

waking up thirsty in your dark room, rubbing your eyes before feeling around you bed for your phone. finally finding it and turning on your flashlight. finding your way to plug in your fairy lights.

now you could finally see. it was 1 am and you heard noises from b/ns room hoping they had moved in there to do whatever they do when they hung out so youd have a better chance of not seeing theo.

putting on a pair of shorts and then opening your door, looking towards your brothers door. hoping they were both in there. you headed to the kitchen, letting out a breath once you finally reached the kitchen.

grabbing a bottle of water, you flicked the kitchen light off before heading back to your room. you successfully got a bottle of water without seeing theo.

you took off your shorts before getting into your bed. checking your messages and scrolling through twitter, your back facing your door and head on your pillow as read tweet after tweet.

you heard your door click open, you put your phone face down before turning over.

“theo what the fuck are you doing in here?” you asked, your voice raising. theo shushed you, as he shut your door.

“shut up, do you want b/n to wake up?” theo scoffed, stepping closer to your bed. you shook your head no.

the tension was thick, watching him take in your appearance then you took in his own. you felt the urge to kiss him, your body longing for his.

theo huffed and ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head a bit. “why are you in here?” you asked, sitting up in your bed. covering yourself with your blanket.

“you know why the fuck im in here y/n” theo said, getting even closer to your bed. you both looking into each other’s eyes, you sat up onto your knees. you hopped he was feeling the same way you were, missing you like you missed him and theo did.

theo had been going crazy since you started ignoring him, not being able to ask b/n about you or tell him too tell you to text him back. theo connected the dots on you viewing the video on b/ns story of him and pansy and then right after you started to ghost him, he knew the video is what caused it.

that was the only time him and pansy kissed, they were both drunk and it was just in the moment nothing more. pansy was strictly a friend, theo and her talked about it after they kissed that he had feelings for you and pansy promised not to tell. theo wanted to tell you in person but you avoided him.

theo leaned down locking your lips roughly, your hands went to his sides and his hands trailed up your hip making your shirt rise and a bit. he started to push you back a bit, getting off your knees and moving back to sit, letting him push you back.

both of you gasping into each other, hands gripping and fondling each other. your legs opened for him to rest between. “i heard you started fucking around with harry” theo said between kisses as his hand rubbed up your thigh to your waist then to your clothed cunt.

you moaned softly, his thumb grazing over your clit, moving up and down teasingly. “its nothing serious” you whined under him, his thumb adding more pressure.

“did he fuck you?” theo asked, looking down at you. you shook your head no, looking up at him. “say it out loud whore” he scoffed, roughly taking your face with his hand and pulling towards him.

“no” you mumbled, his thumb still working on your clothed clit taking away the slight pain from his grip on your face. your legs spread more, a small wet patch on your panties formed.

“good girl” he cooed, his fingers moved your panties to the side then running his middle finger along your bare cunt making you shiver. “my sweet girl” theo added sweetly.

you gasped as his hand lifted then landed on your cunt with a hard smack, your thighs quickly closed as you let out a soft hiss. “you’ve been so bad lately” theo sighed, gently spreading your legs, fingertips brushing over your thighs before smacking your cunt again.

thighs closing quickly, a whimper left your lips. theos grip still on your face, letting the sting calm as he rubbed your thigh. “ignoring me over a five second video we could’ve talked about” theo whispered, your eyes grew wide. theos hand moving your legs open again.

“m’sorry i should’ve talked to you about it” you admitted in a whine, as his middle finger grazed your clit softly. another slap, you moaned. your hand reached to cup your cunt to help calm the sting.

theos lips pressed against your forehead, “and we’ll talk about it later” he whispered, his hand pushing away your hand softly to rest on your bed then his came back to cunt with loving strokes on your clit.

“but for now i’ve missed your cunt” he whispered, letting go of your face and kissing you then trailing the kisses down to your neck, his hand moving from your clit to push up your shirt.

theo tossed your shirt onto the floor before his lips met your skin again, going down and down leaving wet kisses down your chest and abdomen then above your panties. looking up at you, then hooking his fingers around the thin fabric and pulling it down your legs and letting it drop from his hands onto the floor.

one hand pushed your leg back, holding at the bend of your knee pinning it to the bed. theos other hand came to cunt, running his finger along your slit a couple of times before spreading you with fingers. “you’re so wet” theo commented, his eyes trained on your glistening cunt.

“did harry make you this wet?” theo asked in a harsh tone, glaring up at you, theos finger slipping inside you. shaking your head ‘no’ as his finger pumped in and out. his fingers were big, much bigger than harry’s and your own. theos thumb found your clit and rubbed in circles.

theo removed his hand from you, then landing a slap on your clit. “what did i say about saying it out fucking loud” theo spat harshly.

“cmon you whore, tell me, did he make you this wet” theo said, your cunt clenched around nothing.

“no” you moaned out, his fingers finding you again.

“there we go, you can be so good for me when you try” theo whispered against your thigh, biting at your inner thigh as his fingers made you moan and whine out for him to keep going.

you looked down at him between your legs, “something you want princess? you’re gonna have to ask for it” theo teased.

“please, please” you mumbled, your eyes rolling back, clenching around his fingers.

“tell me what you want my love” theo said watching you, admiring you and your state. admiring the way your back arches at his finger tips and how you can’t think straight when he’s touching you.

you whimpered, the coil tightening and tightening. “your cock please theo, please” you begged, theo smiled.

theo kissed your clit before easing his fingers out of you, you leaned up trying not to think of how empty you felt. your hands pulling off theos shirt, then his sweatpants and boxers letting his cock spring out.

you leaned over, opening the drawer in your nightstand then feeling around and finally feeling the condoms you had.

taking one then leaning back to theo, going back to rest on your knees. leaning up and kissing him, taking the condom out of the wrapper as you kissed down his neck.

rolling the condom onto him, theo pushed you back down. theos hands moving your legs to his waist.

theo pulled back, taking his cock, teasing his tip at your entrance before pushing into you. “oh fuck” you moaned, gripping at the pillow above you. your eyes squeezing shut and your mouth fell open. theos hand gripped your thigh harshly, digging his nails into your skin.

theo wanted to tell you how good you felt but couldn’t form words, trying not to cum from just the first thrust in. having to take a minute for himself after being in you fully.

you clenched around him when you felt him start to pull out then push back in. theos hips going slow at first then getting faster and faster as he went.

his name falling from your lips as he continued to fuck you, leaning back and harshly pulling you to him.

theo leaned forward, his head finding its way to the crook of your neck. heavy breathing and theo groans and your whimpers filled the room, the both of you trying to stay quieter since b/n was across the hall.

“let me on top” you whispered, against his ear then a soft kiss followed.

a kiss was placed on your neck, “are you sure?” theo asked still thrusting at a quick pace. you nodded. theo pulled out of you, moving with occasional kisses as theo helped you get on top of him.

theos back rested against your head board, you glanced down, theo helped you line yourself up with him before pushing yourself down onto his cock. your eyes squeezed shut, head rolling back and theo kissed on your neck.

you lifted then went back down, moving on him, feeling him fill you up.

theos kissed went to your mouth as you got closer, your chests almost touching. moaning into each other as you rode him. moving in a way so that your clit would get friction.

his hands gripped your hips, helping you move on him. his cock throbbed in you.

“y’feel so good” theo moaned, he was close and didn’t know how long he’d last from now.

theos fingers went to your clit, rubbing, causing you to shutter against him and whimper loudly, “cum for me princess” theo demanded.

clenching around theos cock as he rubbed your clit faster, theo thrusted up a little. your legs shook, shuddering as you came on his cock.

moans and soft hums came from you as it became too much. theo moving you up and down as you came down, “mmh too much, too much” you whined, clinging onto theo. your head resting in the crook of his neck, his hands moving to your ass, guiding you up and down.

theo moaned as he came, filling the condom with a few thrusts.

your fingers traced shapes on his chest as his hands moved from your ass to your waist and one to your thigh, rubbing comfortably.

his lips pressed against your forehead before moving you off him gently.

theo tossed the condom into the trash, putting on his boxers. grabbing tissues and then coming to clean you up.

opening your drawers for a new pair of underwear and a shirt then coming back to your tired frames and helping you dress.

slipping into your bed, moving your blankets to cover the both of you. theo reached for your phone that laid behind you as you got comfortable with your head on his chest.

theo knew your password, unlocking your phone and getting on snapchat and sending a pic of you on his chest to harry then blocked him, going to messages and instagram and blocking him on there also.

going back to messages and turning on your read receipts for himself then sitting your phone back down.

“you wanna talk about that video now?” theo asked, his fingertips dancing along you back.

you hummed in agreement.

[whiteqnn]

PURE [5] - Corpse Husband x Fem!Reader

A/N: It’s been a while.  

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

PURE [5]

“Did you guys find anybody?” Felix’s voice sounded out when the man repeated the same question for what seemed like the third time since he joined the call. The number of players showed 7 of them, which meant that they were still missing three people. Sure, they could start the game now, but it would be way more enjoyable and funny with a full lobby. 

“Yeah, Toast will be here any moment. “Sykkuno replied right away. “He just texted me; he should join us in a few.”

“Cool. Anyone else?” 

“I think Corpse was also supposed to join us, right? Not sure though why he isn’t here yet.” 

“Oh, yeah, Corpse will be here soon too!” Jack suddenly chimed in with an explanation. “He said he needed to take care of something first, but he’ll be here before we start.” 

“Great. But that means we’re still one person short.” Felix hummed when Toast’s little astronaut appeared in the lobby “Hey Toast."

“Hey man.”

“Do you have anyone coming?”

“I’m afraid not. I asked MrBeast, but he’s busy, so...”

“Well then, we can just start when Corpse is here, and maybe we’ll find someone in the meantime?” Dave suggested, earning a few hums of approval from the other players. 

“Yeah, I think that’s the best option...” Jack agreed. But then his voice blared out in everyone’s headphones with excitement. “Ha! Corpse is bringing someone!” 

“Who?” 

“I dunno, he just texted me he has one coming and that’s all.” 

“Hm, all right. Let’s wait then.”

***

Corpse fidgeted with his phone, glancing between its screen and the chat in his stream. People were already asking countless questions, but rather than answering them, he was waiting for Y/N to call him. He was nervous - the girl still hadn’t commented on his request. 

The idea to invite her to the lobby wasn’t spontaneous. In fact, he’d been thinking about it for quite some time now, but never found the courage to actually ask if she would like to join them for the game.

It’s been almost a month now since that memorable phone call. A month since Y/N last played with her friends; a month since she considerably reduced her social media usage. 

Sure, she was still active on her youtube channel, but not as much as before the whole haters situation. No matter how hard she tried to just ignore them and simply continue her career, she just couldn’t. There were still these nagging thoughts at the back of her mind, reminding her of all those people and their comments, their messages. It seemed like a good idea to take a short break and sort everything out.

Her fans understood it. They were obviously sad that her videos weren’t as frequent as before, but everyone knew what the situation looked like and that Y/N needed some time for herself. 

Her audience knew it, and so did her friends. Especially Corpse. 

The man kept his word and talked to the girl whenever she wanted to. Which, in the end, was almost everyday. Although at the beginning their conversations mostly focused on her current problem and dealing with it, their topics broadened over the time. 

At one point though, Y/N started worrying that maybe she’s annoying him with her so frequent calls. She thought that she shouldn’t bother him that much - even if talking to him was what really helped her cope with her problems. He already had enough on his plate, and sharing her own concerns with him suddenly seemed like a very selfish thing to do.

But she quickly realized how wrong she was for thinking like that. When one day she didn’t call, figuring out that she should stop troubling him with her own issues, she was very surprised when Corpse reached out to her himself. He expressed how worried he got when she didn’t call, and when she explained what was the reason, he spent the next fifteen minutes lecturing her that she should never think she’s bothering him. 

From that day on, they talked every single day. And they talked about almost everything.

Corpse enjoyed their late night-talks more than anything. He liked to listen to Y/N talk about the things she finds exciting, her hobbies, and her dreams. Hell, she could talk about what she ate for breakfast, and he would still listen with interest. 

And even though they haven’t seen each other in person, even though she still hasn’t seen his face, they managed to get really close during those past weeks. For an outside observer (who also didn’t have access to Twitter) they would seem like a couple of very good friends.

But not for Corpse.

He couldn’t pinpoint when exactly did it happen. They were talking one evening and Y/N was telling him about the TV series she had finished watching recently. He listened intently and watched as her facial expressions changed from excited to frustrated, as she was enumerating everything she liked and disliked about the series finale.

And then he suddenly got this weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, and simply couldn’t take his eyes off her. 

He tried to play it off and act as if nothing changed, but he couldn’t stop his heart from doing backflips whenever she laughed at one of his dumb jokes or called him partner. It was still a running joke between them and among the group of their friends, but there was something in the way she said it that made him instantly smile like an idiot. 

He also started paying more attention to the hashtags on Twitter and Instagram. #PartnersInCrime was still rather popular, even though it was a month since anyone last used this phrase on stream. Corpse also found out that #Y/Nforthebride was trending for some time; he even managed to stumble across a few fanarts. 

There was this urge to send them to Y/N, but he was too nervous that it would make things awkward between them... After all, he didn’t know how she felt about that whole shipping thing. 

That’s why he decided to just leave things between them as they are, and be happy that he’s at least her friend.  

Corpse nearly jumped out of his skin, when he was brought back to reality by the sound of an upcoming FaceTime call. Y/N’s photo appeared on his screen, her smiley face which he had assigned as her contact photo. His lips corners curled up in a smile almost unwittingly. 

“Hey Y/N/N” he said after answering the call. 

“Hi Corpse” she smiled softly upon hearing his voice. Although the screen on her side was dark, she didn’t mind not seeing Corpse’s face. She respected his wish to remain faceless and enjoyed their conversations anyway. 

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Just editing the new video. I guess I’ll upload it in the morning... but I’m not sure yet.”

“Well let me know then, I wanna be the first one to see it.” 

“Sure thing, Corpse” she chuckled, lowering her gaze bashfully. Corpse just looked at her face for a moment, unable to stop smiling to himself. Then he remembered why they were talking in the first place.

“So... have you seen my text?” Y/N sighed at his question but nodded her head slowly. “And what do you think?”

“I don’t know, Corpse...” she ran a hand through her hair in a nervous gesture. “...if that’s a good idea, I mean.”

“Well, it’s been a while. No pressure though, if you don’t wanna play then it’s totally fine.” he quickly clarified. “I just thought it would be fun if you joined us, even if just for a moment. I’m sure everyone would go crazy.” 

Her smile widened slightly at his words, but she still didn’t look convinced. Sure, it was tempting to join them. She wanted to do it each time Sean or Felix bombarded her with messages and codes to the lobby, both inviting her to join the group in the game. But then she remembered how people reacted to her appearance in their streams... and suddenly it didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore.

“We’re gonna play on Polus...” he added after a moment when she still didn’t say anything. “That one map with the planetary base... there’s a lava pit, y’know. Just saying...”

She laughed wholeheartedly at his words, remembering their last game when Corpse jumped into the lava for her. 

“Sykkuno’s gonna be there as well” Corpse continued. “And I promise I won’t kill you this time.”

“Even if I’m the last player alive?” she joked.

“Even then, Y/N.”

Corpse stifled a laugh, as she cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes slightly as if trying to spot him in the darkness. 

“Are you streaming, Corpse?” she then asked.

“Not yet. I’m gonna start the stream as soon as you say yes, though.”

“Oh c’mon” she laughed at his words “That’s emotional blackmail!” 

“Maybe. Is it working?” he asked.

Y/N let out a heavy breath and ran a hand down her face. Corpse watched in anticipation as she seemed to have some internal battle with herself. He hoped that she’s gonna agree, he really missed playing with her. 

“All right, then.” she suddenly said, and his breath hitched in his throat. “I’m gonna stay for a few rounds I guess...”

“Wait, really?” he asked, a smile on his face only widening. 

“Well, yeah, partner.” she replied, which made his cheeks go warm “Your imposter techniques haven’t been very effective lately... Someone needs to help you out, or you’re gonna lose your title of the king of the Imposters.” 

“Oh, is that’s how it is now?” he laughed in fake shock. “I wouldn’t have to worry about losing the title if my accomplice hadn’t left me all alone!” 

“All right, all right.” she giggled at his accusations. “Your accomplice is on her way to support you.” 

Corpse smiled even wider at the sound of her laughter. Her eyes shined with happiness when she was giggling, which only brought out their E/C color. The fact that his stupid babbling was the reason for her smile was making him feel extremely proud of himself.  

“But just so you know... I still have no idea how this map works, so I’m afraid I’m gonna need you to guide me around it...”

“Y’know you could as well just say you want to hang out with me...”

“Corpse!” she laughed, her cheeks blushing in embarrassment. 

“Just kidding Y/N” he chuckled at her reaction. “Of course I’m gonna guide you, don’t worry.”

“Okay then...” she said after a moment, looking at the screen again. “I’ll be there in a few minutes. Will you send me the code, please?”

“Sure I will, Y/N” 

“Okay. See you later, partner” she smiled brightly. 

“See you, partner.” 

When Y/N ended the call, Corpse let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He sighed in relief and ran a hand through his hair, before moving to sit behind his desk.

It was only after he started the stream that he realized he was blushing. Not only because Y/N would join them, but because there was also another thing he wanted to ask her about, but didn’t find the courage to yet... 

***

By the time Y/N turned on her computer and started the game, Corpse has already sent her the code, and there was a Discord invite waiting for her as well. She bit her lip nervously as her heartbeat quickened. 

Was she nervous? As hell. 

She did everything she could to avoid being in unnecessary spotlight since she started receiving those hate messages. Perhaps escaping the problem wasn’t the best solution, but it definitely was a comfortable one. People wouldn’t have a reason to hate on her if she disappeared. 

But then she couldn’t say no to Corpse. And truth to be said - she really missed playing with her friends. From what she’d seen on Twitter, the lobby would be filled with those she’d already played with, so she wasn’t that nervous before the game. What she was nervous about though, was how people would react.

Accepting Corpse’s request was something she did due to the sudden rush of courage. And now there was no coming back.

She knew Corpse would understand if she changed her mind... but she heard how excited he was when she had agreed. She couldn’t do it to him. 

So, once she’d taken a deep breath and put her headphones on, Y/N accepted the invite and braced herself for the inevitable chaos that was bound to take place in the call. She decided to wait with joining the lobby though - at least until they realize she’s with them. 

“..the fuck you’re talking about?!” Felix’s voice was the first thing she heard, which made her roll her eyes with a smile. “It’s not my fault I sound like that! At least I don’t have a liar voice like Rae!” 

“HEY!” the girl yelled “I don’t have a liar voice!”

“You do, you’re using it even now!” Jack argued, much to Rae’s dismay. 

“What is going on here” Corpse’s deep voice sounded out suddenly. 

“Oh, you’re here! Finally” Sykkuno immediately welcomed him with his always happy voice. 

“Yeah, sorry that I’m late guys.”

“No worries, man” Pewdiepie spoke up again. “We were just talking about playing the voice card and that you’re basically the only one who can do it.” 

“Not fair at all!” Rae chimed in, making Corpse chuckle. 

“The voice card...” he hummed after a moment, before adding. “I wouldn’t really say I’m the only one though...”

“Well who else then? Everyone else either starts laughing or have a liar voice” Dave asked, and Rae scoffed at the last words.

“Well what about my guest?”

Y/N inhaled sharply, realizing that now she should probably reveal herself. 

“Oh, right! Who you’re bringing man?” Sean asked with curiosity.

That’s when Y/N typed in the game code, and her white astronaut appeared in the lobby. 

“Wait, who’s- HOLY SHIT” Sean all but yelled, when realization hit him. Y/N laughed loudly at his reaction, and her voice only seemed to prove to everyone that she really was there. 

“KIDDO WHAT THE FUCK” Felix reflected Jack’s response, yelling over his friend.

“Oh my god, hi!”

“What a surprise!” Y/N managed to catch Sykkuno’s words. “It’s so amazing to have you here, Y/N/N!” 

“As I live and breathe.” another voice spoke up, and Toast’s little astronaut came face to face with her white bean. “My lifelong nemesis. Back here snap my neck again, huh?”

“Yeah, happy to hear you too, Toast” Y/N giggled at his words, then she adressed the whole group. “Hi guys.”

“Okay I did not expect that in the slightest” Sean laughed happily “You’re here kiddo!” 

“I am” she smiled from ear to ear, even though they couldn’t see her. 

“Wait- Corpse, is that the thing you had to take care of?” her best friend asked Corpse with suspicious voice. 

“Well...” he trailed off and cleared his throat, making everyone laugh.

“That’s so great Y/N! We missed you so much!” Rae thundered over the bickering of the boys. “The game hasn’t been the same without you...”

“Agreed. I suddenly stopped dying.” Toast commented, making her roll her eyes with a laugh. 

“I don’t know if I should be happy or fucking scared right now.” Felix laughed nervously. “With Corpse and Y/N? We’re fucked now, guys.”

“I promise I’ll go easy on you, I haven’t played in so long I think I forgot all my strategies...” 

“Yeah, sure.” Toast’s forever suspicious voice made her smile wider. “Just don’t kill me in the first roung, okay? I won’t vote you off just stay the fuck away from me you little murderer.” 

“Okay, I promise I won’t kill you...” 

She couldn’t stop herself from laughing, and the smile remained on her face even when they started the game. It only seemed to widen, when she saw the sign Imposter on her screen. 

Only to giggle hysterically when she realized that Toast was the other imposter...

And so the game went on with Y/N and Toast cooperating like perfect serial killers. Corpse did as he promised and guided her through the map, both of them being closely followed by Sykkuno. Because of that she’d just sabotage the map most of the time to give Toast opportunities to kill their friends, but eventually managed to sneak out when her two fellow crewmates were doing their tasks. It just so happen that Pewds was walking past her, and she might’ve accidentally snapped his neck... 

“Goddamnit! I knew it! I fucking knew it was you!” Sean yelled once the game was over and Y/N saw the sign VICTORY on her screen, her small character standing next to Toast’s one. He was ejected at some point because Poki managed to walk in on him killing Rae, but Y/N remained undetected until the very end. Perhaps the fact that Corpse was one of the two crewmates who were left alive had something to do wtih it...

“That was rude” Pewds said in a whiny voice, clearly referring to their encounter which led to his death. “I was just happily walking around, doing my tasks like a good crewmate, and then boom! Y/N happened” 

“I would say I’m sorry... but I’m really not” she laughed, making Felix gasp in shock.

“That’s what happens when you work with Toast!” 

“Good game, Y/N. That was amazing” the man in question said appreciatively. 

“Will you finally forgive me for killing you that one time if I say that being imposters with you was cool?” she laughed nervously. 

“Actually... Yeah, I guess we can bury the hatchet now. AND we should team up more in the future.”

“Great!” 

“Excuse me, what?” Corpse’s voice made the whole lobby laugh. “I don’t remember us cancelling our partnership, Y/N.”

“Corpse...” 

“Are you trying to steal my accomplice from me Toast?” 

“Well she’s a great partner in crime after all...” Toast deliberately used the phrase, making Corpse gasp.

“Hey! She’s my partner! Find yourself your own, Toast” Corpse joked, making Y/N laugh bashfully, her cheeks warming up at his words. 

“Yeah yeah, I remember, don’t worry man. No one’s gonna take your partner in crime away from you...” Toast’s teasing voice made them all laugh, Corpse and Y/N included. 

For the next few rounds Y/N played as a crewmate, running around the map with either Corpse or Sykkuno and doing her tasks. During meetings they joked and laughed, and for a moment, she stopped thinking about what people watching her friend’s streams might think about her presence. After all, there was at least a small chance that they didn’t think about it at all, and simply enjoyed watching their favoirte youtubers. Just as she enjoyed playing with her friends. 

Oh, and by the way, Corpse kept his promise and didn’t kill her even when she was the last player alive...

It was soon time when everyone started slowly leaving the lobby, having played for over three hours. Y/N also said her goodbyes to the others and promised that she’d join them to play a game called Raft next week. 

When she turned her computer off and threw herself on her bed, Y/N immediately grabbed her phone to call Corpse. He answered right away. 

“Well hello, partner...” she rolled her eyes with a smile when he accented the last word. “Or should I say, traitor, instead?” 

“Corpse... you know I would never betray you...” 

“Well how can I be so sure, now that I know how cool it is to be imposters with Toast?” she knew he was joking, she could almost hear the smile in his voice.

“Not nearly as cool as it is with you, Corpse” Y/N grinned from ear to ear when Corpse scoffed. 

“I spare your life so many times and that’s what I get in return? You cheat on me with Toast?” he said in disbelief “I’m disappointed, Y/N, I really am.”

“I would never!” she laughed through her words, even though her cheeks were now red because of Corpse’s words. “You’re the best partner in crime, Corpse, I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else!” 

Not only in the game, she thought.

“Hmm, alright. Let’s say I believe you.” he said after a moment of thinking. 

“I mean it, Corpse...” Y/N said after calming down from her laughter. “I... I really wanted to thank you.”

“Thank me? For what?” he asked, genuinely surprised. 

“Well, first of all for inviting me to today’s game... I really had lots of fun, it was great to play and talk with the others. And I wouldn’t be in the lobby if not for you...” Y/N mumbled, before verbalizing her previous thoughts. “And I also wanted to thank you for just... you know... being my friend. My real life partner in crime. I just wanted you to know I’m really glad I met you...” 

Corpse was silent for a good few moments, and Y/N started panicking that maybe she said something wrong, or maybe he found her spontaneous confession funny, or worse, dumb. She was almost ready to somehow laugh it all off, when his voice cut her off.

“Thank you, Y/N. It really means a lot to me too.” he sounded like he had some troubles with speaking, which made Y/N furrow her brows in worry.

“Is everything okay, Corpse?” 

“Yeah, I...” he stuttered, then laughed nervously. “I just didn’t expect that and... yeah. It’s not something I hear on a daily basis, especially from someone like you.”

Someone like me? 

 “But what you said... it’s mutual.” he said after a moment, and Y/N couldn’t stop herself from grinning like an idiot. “You’re the best partner in crime I could ask for. And not only in the game.” 

She could as well just pass out there and there...

“So uhm... there was one thing I wanted to ask you...”

“Yeah?”

“I was wondering if maybe... you know, if you’d have some time... and if you’d want to of course... would you maybe like to visit me here in San Diego?”

Yeah, passing out seems like a good idea. 

***

This is not the last part. 

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[standfortheangels]

It had been barely three minutes since he'd shut himself away, and already, it felt like he couldn't escape. He knew full well his family would be talking about him, he could practically hear it. But he wasn't really angry about that. How could he hate that they wanted to help him? He loved them all, so dearly.

... He loved Brandon too.

Why...? Why had he had to go and risk all this? Why didn't he listen to the first murmurs of concern? The issue wasn't even that Brandon was a non-angel demigod, the way the council saw it. The same thing would have happened in any case, right? No matter what relationship he pursued. He got distracted, That was his failing, THAT was the problem. Although, maybe an angel would have reminded him to keep his attention on his charges? But he shouldn't Need reminding to do his job!! What use was it in thinking it over more and more when the answer was so simple?

He let out a sort of gruff sigh and glanced back at his phone. Message sent, job done... He should have done it so much sooner. He'd just been having such a good time... But right now, that knowledge just made him feel sick with guilt.

And now more of it too. He'd broken a promise, a relationship... maybe a heart. He leaned forward and held his head up with his hands, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head slightly as he heard a knock at the door. Already. "Mike? Can we talk for a sec?" Usually, Mike relished any time he could spend with his eldest brother. All his family really. But right now, it was all just, too much!

And then, another noise. The phone. That phone with that buzzing, demanding his attention, his explanation. Stupidly, he braved a glance at the caller ID. It was enough to send sharp pains clean through his chest.

"Look, I know you're feeling a lot right now," Sef kept speaking through the door, "and I get wanting to run away from this.."

He hated this. But what was he supposed to say? He felt cornered and overwhelmed, and while he still sat holding his head, that damned buzzing was grating against his skull.

"But please, just, don't shut out the people who love you, okay?"

Don't say it.

His fingertips started tapping against his scalp.

"If not us, you should at least talk to someone, before- BZZT -settles too far in your mind."

don't say it.

BZZT

"You could talk to Bran-"

Clutching his phone so tightly a smartphone would have cracked in his hand, Mike launched onto his feet and pulled the door open with enough force to send the other angel stepping back in surprise, not that that mattered one bit.

"You think it's important, YOU talk to him!" He yelled, somewhere between hitting and shoving the phone into his brother's chest, leaving him fumbling to not drop it. "I'm done! I can't- DO this right now, I- .. I'm going for a flight." At the first hint of an objection, Mike started towards the back door, shot out a "Nobody follow me this time!" and slammed his way out.

Every pair of eyes was on the door, a couple of jaws dropped, and a stunned silence filled the house. Until Sef finally managed to find the answer button on this fossil.

"u- Uhm, hi, Brandon," he started talking, tone gentle but nervous. "It's Sef.. would you hold on for just one second?" Without waiting for an answer, he downed the phone from his ear, covered the mic- at least, he hoped so- and took a few steps towards the family, whispering "what do we do?"

"Who is it?" Tyler whispered back.

"Brandon."

"And Mike didn't want to talk to him?" Katie joined in, giving concerned glances to the others in the room.

"Give me the phone." Mars said, not bothering to whisper, and held out her hand.

"Mm, no offence, Mars, but you're not great with emotional situations.."

They needed to get this figured out fast, and this wasn't getting them anywhere.

"Look, I just need to know what to do here." he started, then switched from speaking out loud. He should have relied on the angels' mind link at the start of all this really. Transmitting his thoughts, he asked "what do we vote here? Do I tell him?"

"What? No! We can't!" Kate seemed even more alarmed now. "That's not our call"

"But... I've never seen Mike like this before." Tyler thought, also now exchanging worried looks with the family, but causing a new silence to settle in for a moment.

"If we do this... Mike might hate us for it, but he'd have somewhere to turn without feeling judged." Mars joined, sitting themselves down at the table, still facing the group. "If we don't..."

"He'll do what he just did."

"Push everyone away and spiral..."

All eyes were searching others as Sef 'spoke' up again.

"Are we in agreement then? We tell Brandon?"

"And suffer the consequences." Tyler took a seat next to Mars, more forlorn than he ever typically was. Somehow, even his hair looked depressed. With a solemn nod, Sef took to the phone again.

"Hi Brandon, sorry to keep you waiting." As usual, his voice was like watching a calm lake through the 'door' of a cosy tent. Even now, it didn't give away the seriousness of what they were dealing with here.

"Okay. I'm going to be real with you. I don't think Mike would want me to tell you this right now, but we've talked it over, and, I'm just going to tell you straight."

He rested his free hand on the back of an empty chair as everyone not yet sat gathered, like a council meeting or something.

"Mike isn't in a good place right now, emotionally speaking. In fact, he just.. and I almost can't believe I'm saying this; He just stormed out." He took a second or two, needing to gear himself up. Their mother rested a hand on his, lightly stroking his skin with her thumb in comfort. "He lost a charge. And, I don't mean he had a case reassigned." Mm, maybe that was still too vague. Though his voice definitely sounded serious now. "It looks like.. she took her own life."

Broken Bonds

Closed starter for @a-simple-rper

(Based on/continued from This Post)

__________________

“You’ll be suspended, that’s proper procedure.” Mars spoke, straightforward and seemingly cold as always, but with a softness that Mike knew well. His family may baby him at times, but at least he knew he was loved.

Though he couldn’t say the same for Liz.

To leave the world like that, take such a violent way out.. was it all just to avoid her family, escape their abuse for good? But he would have helped her, if that’s what she wanted, he tried, offered again and again to help, and they’d come so far! Why didn’t she say something?? Why didn’t he sense it?

As he sat on his parents’ couch, all his family around him, occasionally reaching out to touch his shoulder or rub his arm or take his hand… Mike just stayed blank, frozen, barely listening to his sister through his own thoughts. The same thoughts he’d been trapped in for the last two days.

“There’ll be an inquest. The court usually likes to hold one as soon as possible, we should be hearing from them any time now.”

No reply. Mike just stared down at nothing in particular, his hands squeezed together tightly. The concerned looks shared around the room weren’t subtle, but he didn’t care. Sounding slightly thrown, Mars carried on. "It won’t be like a trial- It’s just so you get a chance to give your version of events, let them get the story straight, and, piece together.. the details…” Mike’s phone, left on the couch next to him, had started buzzing away, getting glances from everyone except the one person who never let the thing ring- at least for longer than it took him to get it out of his pocket. But this time.. it went on.

A few seconds looking into Mike’s evasive eyes, then Mars’ gaze turned elsewhere, to their parents, whose expressions were no more comforting than anyone else in the room.

“…Mike?” The eldest brother spoke up from his seat across the room. “I know this is hard. I’ve been there.”

That damn phone, still going. BZZT. It wasn’t loud, but it was like a drill in Mike’s brain.

BZZT.

“We all lose charges, you know?”

BZZT.

“The best guides in the world have -BZZT- charges, it’s something that… We have to accept as a -BZZT-ibility.”

His tone was gentle, like he was trying to explain to a young child that the family pet was dying. But Mike wasn’t a child. And he knew what he’d done.

“Of course we want t-BZZT- our best- I know you do too. But, you just can’t save everyone.”

BZZT. BZZT.

Mike balled his hands together, one wrapped around the other. Not meeting anyone’s eyes around the room.

BZZT.

“You did your best, man. That’s all we can ever do.”

BZZT.

BZZT.

BZ-

Finally. The silence was back, but as long as Mike didn’t have to listen to that buzzing anymore, he’d take the silence. That thing hadn’t stopped going off ever since he’d gotten it back from the police. They’d wanted to see the texts, between him, and Liz. No doubt the council would too. It was the only document that could show their relationship. How she’d confided in him, how they made plans, face to face contact was important in this line of work.

Except it hadn’t worked, had it. It hadn’t worked at all. He couldn’t help her. In the end.. he failed. And… Could he even say he’d done his best?

Really?

Truly?

Even more tense than he was before his brother’s ‘pep talk’, Mike stayed for a few seconds. He hadn’t, really, seriously, completely done his best. He’d been distracted, got so happy about all the progress and went off, having fun while she was hiding everything inside, torturing herself, and where was he? Slowly, Mike stood, and with his voice weighed down like the rest of him, he said,

“I’m going to go take a nap or something.”

“Oh- er- o-kay…”

“Do you want a hot drink to take with you?” His mum spoke now, but Mike couldn’t even bring himself to look at her. He picked up his phone, not bothering to check his missed calls. Whoever it was, it didn’t matter. “No. Thanks. I just.. want to go.”

“Mike…”

“If he wants to sleep, let him go.” Her voice again, putting a stop to Kate’s words before she’d even started. Mike got out of the room fast now, before they could start their talking, which they were bound to do, he knew that much.

Once the door was closed, he just stood, eyes wandering around his bedroom. Or at least, the room he stayed in when he was here. He always had spare clothes in the closet, his favourite soft pillows.. He placed the phone on the side table and perched himself on the edge of the bed, hands between his knees, and slowly let his body lean forward and down, before swapping positions. Resting on his elbows, with his hands over his nose and mouth as he began to cry. This was his fault, all of it. And there was no way to make it right.

The phone buzzed, just once this time. A text. This time, he looked at it over his fingers. It made him feel like his chest was being crushed by a giant boa constrictor just thinking about this, but… He knew what he had to do. If he couldn’t make things right for Liz… At least he had to give his other charges every chance at living, if he could even keep his job after this. One way or another, he couldn’t make the same mistake again.

One shaking hand stretched out for the phone, the last text popping up again to remind him. Like he could forget. Just one click now.. It was from Brandon. He hadn’t meant to give him the silent treatment, not at first. Just one more person whose life he could ruin with one single screw-up. And the reason he’d lost his focus. Still shaking and hating every second, he took the phone in both hands and started typing.

Brandon. We’re over. Im sorry.

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

howard stern

I'M BACK BESTIES!!!!! i'm not totally back to my normal writing, but I finally got through a whole piece! anyways I really liked this and i hope you do too :)

warnings: howard stern being a bitch, talk of weight & body image

word count: 2.1k

"Hello Harry, how are you doing today?"

"I'm well, thank you," Harry answered with a smile. He was on the Howard Stern Show, his first interview since Stevie had been born. He hadn't really wanted to; Howard was kind of a prick. Everyone knew this, but Jeff was convinced this was the right move. He said it would be good for Harry to get back into the swing of things, and no one else was available on short notice. In the end, Harry only agreed because you had pushed him to, reminding him it wouldn't be a very long interview and then he wouldn't have to interact with the abrasive man again for a long time.

"That's good to hear," Howard said. "How have you been these past couple months? Have you been getting anything done?"

"Not much that's music related, honestly," Harry laughed. "I've been busy with family things."

"Yeah, you've kind of been hiding away from the world for a while here, what's that about?"

"Well, as I'm sure you already know, my wonderful wife had a baby recently, so I've been pretty busy... just navigating the world of fatherhood." A smile crept onto his face at the mention of Stevie.

"That's a lot, isn't it? Babies are awful at that age," Howard chuckled.

"Uh- I wouldn't say awful," Harry's smile dropped a little and he sighed internally. He already knew how the rest of this interview would go: thinly veiled insults, questions that were way too personal, and having to pretend he didn't want to get up and walk out of the room. But he knew that wouldn't be a very good look for him, so he gritted his teeth and tried to think of happy things. Specifically, the fact that he would get to go home to his wife and baby in less than two hours. "She's a very sweet baby, we're completely in love with her."

"Yeah, sometimes they're cute, but mostly they just cry and wake you up in the night, don't they?" Howard asked smugly, as if he knew Harry's baby better than Harry did.

"Well, of course she wakes up in the night sometimes. She's hungry, can't blame her for wanting food, can I?" Harry asked, trying to speak lightly and with a smile, but he could feel his patience slipping. He was ready to go home and he was not in the mood to pretend to be happy when this man was clearly insulting his child.

"Sure, I just wish babies could be a bit less annoying when they want something."

Harry nodded, plastering a smile that hopefully looked real on his face.

"So, besides the annoying baby, how's the family? Everybody healthy over there?"

Harry nodded. "Everybody's happy and healthy. A little sleep deprived, of course, but we're managing well, i think. And by we, I mean Y/N. She's truly... just amazing. I have no idea how she does it- she's the one keeping everything together. There's no way I could do any of this without her."

"Yeah, she seems pretty great! I remember though, at first we were all a little uncertain about her. She's not exactly like the other women you have a history with, is she?"

"She's-" Harry started talking, but Howard cut him off.

"I just mean, we were used to seeing you with models and actresses and the like, so it was a bit of a shock to see you with one of us commoners, you know?"

Harry huffed a small laugh, still trying to sound polite. "When you love someone, that's all that matters."

"Right, of course, but don't you get bored sometimes? You stopped going out so much when you got with her, almost like she was keeping you captive or something," He laughed.

"Are you asking me if my wife forced me to stop hanging out with my friends?" Harry squinted at the man.

"No, of course not, but..." He leaned closer with a malicious gleam in his eye, like he was about to hear some big secret. "Did she?"

"No," Harry said firmly. "She did not."

"Okay, okay, if you say so," Howard put his hands up, but then he leaned in again and spoke in an exaggerated whisper. "Blink twice if you need help."

Harry played it off with a laugh, crossing his arms over his chest.

"He's good," Howard laughed loudly. "Anyways, let's move on. Since you two are supposedly so happy-" He paused again, as if he expected Harry to cut it and give some dramatic confession about how terrible his relationship was behind closed doors. Harry only raised his eyebrows, signaling him to continue talking. "Tell us about that. When did you two get married again?"

"Almost 2 years ago," Harry said with a smile. "Our anniversary is coming up, actually, it's in 3 weeks."

"Oh wow, you guys moved fast with the whole kid thing, huh?"

Harry nodded. "We both knew we wanted kids and were ready to have them, so... yeah."

"Yeah, no point wasting time, right? How was Y/N after having the baby- Stevie, right?"

"Yeah, her name is Stevie," Harry smiled. "She was good. Again, she's amazing for going through that. She's- i'm just so lucky to have her."

"Did she bounce back right away?"

"I'm sorry?" Harry's brow furrowed.

"You know, did she get her figure back fast? I know that's a big issue for some women," He laughed again.

"Are you-" All traces of Harry's smile were gone now.

"I just mean, I hope she's working to get rid of the baby weight," Howard said casually, as if his words weren't extremely rude. "Just to make sure she can fit into her old clothes!"

Harry cleared his throat. He knew he had to speak very carefully, since this was something you had been very self conscious about. "Well, the two of us are concerned with the new life she brought into the world, not some old clothes, but she looks as beautiful as ever. The amount of pressure women face to live up to certain standards is disgusting to me, and it's especially bad for new mothers. My wife just went through an incredible process, she grew an entire human being in 9 months, then went through labor and the delivery, and she's being told to worry about her figure? That's wrong."

"Right, right, of course," Howard smiled, but Harry could tell he was annoyed at how he couldn't be tricked into speaking badly about his wife.

"I'm really over the whole thing, honestly," Harry said. "And I'm not even the one going through it."

Howard laughed nervously, seeming to finally take the hint that Harry was uncomfortable and annoyed with the topic. "Let's talk about your latest movie, why don't we?"

Harry was closed off through the rest of the interview; anyone could see that. He laughed less, his arms stayed crossed, and his answers were short. He was professional, but it went no farther than that. There was no more playful joking or easy conversation, just Harry trying to get through the interview as fast as he could. When it finally came to a close after his final song, Harry couldn't pack up fast enough. He made sure to say a polite thanks and goodbye before he hurried out to his car.

He sighed deeply before picking up his phone to call you.

"Hi baby!" your happy voice came from the other end. That was good, he assumed that meant you hadn't listened to the interview yet.

"Hi love," he smiled, his mood already improving just from hearing your voice. "Did you listen to the interview?"

"I have been- I couldn't right at the beginning, Stevie was crying, but I caught the end. Why?"

"Why was she crying?" Harry ignored your question, instantly worrying about his baby.

"Sometimes babies cry for no reason, Harry. She's okay, I promise. Anyways, what's up with the interview?"

Harry sighed. "Just the normal for a Howard Stern interview- he asked some very personal and rude questions. Just prepare for that."

"What else is new?" You laughed. "Are you coming right home?"

"Yeah, unless you need anything?"

"Nope, I think I'm good. See you soon!"

"Love you, bye," Harry said, ending the call and starting the car to begin the drive home.

-----

"I'm home," Harry called, removing his coat as he walked in the door.

"We're in here," you responded, not moving from your spot on the couch where you were nursing Stevie.

Harry walked in, a small smile on his face as he looked at the two of you.

"Hi," He sighed, plopping down on the couch next to you.

"That bad, huh?" You asked, taking in his dejected tone.

He hummed in response, leaning his head on your shoulder. "Those interviews are... always something."

"Yeah, I only caught the end, but you sounded pretty upset. What did he say?"

"He just..." Harry shook his head. "I don't think you should listen to it."

You turned your head to look at him. "Why not?"

"He's just very rude and pushy, as always."

"Yeah, i figured, but I wanted to hear your songs," you argued with a small frown. "Did he say something really bad, or...?"

"He just makes some very impolite comments about you and our family."

"Oh," You nodded lightly. "I think I'll be okay, baby. I appreciate you trying to protect my feelings, but I'm used to it at this point, and I really couldn't care less about his opinion of me."

"Alright," he sighed. "If you're sure." He pulled out his phone, checking his email and going through some messages while you started the interview from the beginning. You could hear him grumbling under his breath and huffing every time Howard said something rude, but you ignored it, just laying a hand on his leg to calm him down.

By the time it was over, Harry was clearly not too happy. "I can't believe I went back on that show," he shook his head. "I'm never doing that again. I'm so sorry about what he said about you, I honestly should have just left-"

"It's okay," you cut him off with a smile. "Also, it was kind of hot to hear you get mad at him."

"Yeah?" He smiled back. "I thought I was very tame, actually. I wanted to say some other things, but I figured that wouldn't be a very good look for me."

"Right, but the way you attacked him but stayed professional... very hot," you laughed, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," He smiled, turning his head to kiss your cheek in return. "Is she done? I really need to hold her after the day I've had," He sighed dramatically, throwing his head back.

"I'm sure," you laughed, handing Stevie over to him and pulling your shirt back into place. "She's all yours."

"Hi baby," he cooed, holding her close to his chest. "I missed you so much."

Stevie yawned in response, cuddling into him.

"Oh, you missed me too?" He grinned. "See that? She missed me."

"She did," You agreed. "She was looking around when she heard your voice on the interview, she wanted to know where you were."

"I'm sorry," he pouted down at her. "I'll never go away again, and I'll never let the bad man be mean to you again."

"I don't think she's too upset about it, Harry," you laughed. "She is only 3 months old. She didn't exactly understand anything that went on."

"Excuse me," he said, looking very offended. "She may only be 3 months old, but she's very smart."

"Right, she's a genius baby, how could I forget?"

"I don't know," Harry shook his head at Stevie. "How could she forget how smart you are, hmm?"

Stevie yawned again, stretching her arms above her head.

"She's ready to take a nap," you said.

"Can I just hold her? I know it's not a good habit, to let her be held to sleep, but I don't want to put her down yet," Harry said, looking up with such pleading eyes, you couldn't possibly say no. Not like you would have said no anyways, but he didn't need to know that.

"Of course you can," you stood up, kissing his forehead before you turned away. "I'm gonna do the dishes, then we can watch something if you want."

"No, let me do those," he immediately protested.

"Harry, it's okay, I haven't done anything around the house since she was born-"

"And I'm not about to let you start now," he cut you off. "Come back here, please? Let's start that new show we were looking at the other night."

"Fine, but later I'm going to help you with the dishes."

"Fine," he smiled, agreeing with your compromise, even though you both knew he would argue later. "Now come back here."

[ghost-like-pale]

it's the little things

info: little things they do to keep you safe, healthy and well. 》 teenage reader, they/them 》 platonic + irl 》 0.7k words

warnings: themes of suicide/selfharm, mentions of toxic homes, lack of selfcare, comfort

a/n: a little different from my usual work, still hope you like it. sorry for the wait.

this blog it meant as a way of coping with trauma/mental issues, please don't report it. if you don't want to see what i write, please just block me.

——♤——

the sun beams nicely onto your skin, the light brightening up the streets and bodies that walked over it. the river mercilessly grabbed anything it touched. the rocks on the bottom were smoothened by the water that ran over it.

looking down, you see some kids stabbing sticks in said river - it only reaching a couple inches up the wood. dropping from where you stood to the bottom to the body of water would definitely-

"(y/n)?"

wilbur's voice sounded from about a foot away, making your head perk up. looking over your shoulder you see wilbur approaching the railing.

"what are we looking at?"

"the water."

he smiled and looked over at you, the kind expression he wore not faltering even though he knew what you were thinking.

"hm. well, we're going to a café. you're allowed to come with us if you'd like. or you can just keep staring at those young boys."

the remark got a chuckle out of you, pleasing the tall man beside you.

"café?"

"good idea."

"great. come on, we can't keep them waiting!"

you felt his hand snake around yours, intertwining the fingers and pulling you along and away from the railing.

"i heard they got apple pie."

such a simple request managed to keep the storm clouds away from your head, truly amazing.

"that sounds good."

—

tommy softly hummed a song as he approached the computer in front of him. the familiar desk with running programs welcome him as usual as he looks at his notifications and mentions. he responds to a few and laughs at many while taking a small bite of a biscuit he stole from downstairs.

reopening his discord messages he looked at his friends list. the glowing letters illuminated his already pale skin as he read one of the names.

'(y/n)'

he clicked on the icon and started typing.

'morning (y/n) have you eaten yet??'

he leaned back in his chair as he took another bite of his biscuit. after a few minutes he recieved a response. an image of a plate with breakfast with a small caption.

'i did :)'

the short message placed a small smile on tommy's face while he typed out a response.

'good job :D'

—

you nervously stood in front of the house, hoping they were still awake. you needed a break from your home. it was unbearable; your mother had been yelling at you for the past 5 minutes, you just couldn't take it. dream and sapnap always told you to call when something went wrong, but even calling them wouldn't solve your panic.

with sweaty palms you rang the doorbell. while tapping your foot without rythm you waited for what felt like hours. the sound of a lock being opened startled you as you picked at your nails.

"(y/n)?"

sapnap's groggy voice asked while looking at the smaller figure on the porch. your thin shirt didn't seem to keep you warm in the evening wind, prompting him to push you into the home's halls.

"i'll get dream, you go sit on the couch, okay?"

you nod and he hastily makes his way to the stairs. you make your way to the living room and plopping down on the cushions, folding your legs.

after waiting for the two to men for a couple minutes you heard two pairs of feet walking your direction. turning your head you see your friends emerging from the hall you were ushered in a few minutes prior.

"hi (y/n)."

dream greeted you while walking over to the couch. you give him a small smile as he sits next to you.

"you alright?"

"kind of. i just needed a break, really."

dream nodded, satisfied from your answer. he noticed your clothes weren't keeping you warm, causing him to take off his hoodie and handing it to you.

"put it on, you're cold."

giving him a small thank you, you pull the large hoodie over your head and slither your arms through the sleeves, the fabric covering your hands.

"d'you want anything, (y/n)? a drink? food?"

"no, thank you. i'm just very tired."

"good, so am i. because someone agressivey pulled me out of bed. at 1 am."

"hey! i did it because i was worried!"

the bickering between the two made you laugh, both of them noticing and eventually just laughing with you. nick fell onto the couch as well and threw an arm around your shoulders. leaning on his shoulder, you slowly fell into a deep slumber, surrounded by comfort and laughs.

——♤——

thank you for reading, hope you liked it ♡

masterlist

[duuhrayliegh]

my hero - request

request: anon: hi could you write a sebastian x female reader fic where she suffers from anxiety and feels bad because of it but he comforts her and tells her there’s nothing wrong with her and how strong she is even though she has this disorder

pairing: sebastian stan x female!reader

warnings: self-esteem issues, anxiety, toxicity in the fandom, language?

a/n: hey nona! you weren’t super specific on what type of anxiety that you wanted to reader to have, so if this isn’t what you had in mind, lmk and i’ll write you another fic! other than that i hope you like it!

p.s.: my requests and tag lists are open!!

xoxo ray

check out my m.list

You and Seb met at a coffee shop in New York. It was totally cliche and seemed straight out of a storybook. You had somehow managed to spill coffee on that specimen of a man, and he was kind enough to let you pay for his dry cleaning. Your relationship didn’t grow until you ran into him again while you were at a bar with your friends. If he had any say in telling the story of how you met, he spotted you from across the smoky bar and he knew then and there that he had to get to know you. Truthfully, you liked his version, but the real one was just indescribable. It seemed, to you at least, that you were destined to be with this man. Seeing him twice in one week? Come on, that’s possible if you were in the small town you grew up in, but not New York.

You obviously had recognized him as an actor, but really you didn’t care. That’s what drew Sebastian to you in the first place. You treated him as if he was any other guy on the street, he was able to be a normal person around you. Now, two years later, you lounge on the couch of your apartment in LA that you shared with the man you love. He’s still auditioning for any role that catches his eye and you’re supporting him no matter what.

His fans for the most part adored you and your relationship with Sebastian. The fans who didn’t like you were your only issue with this whole affair, but they had nothing to do with Sebastian other than flood his socials with nasty messages about you. You weren’t perfect, that you knew all too well, and you tried to let the comments roll off your shoulders. Most of the time you were successful in your efforts, but other times they clung to your skin like an unwanted disease.

Sebastian was currently promoting his new project Endings, Beginnings. You were so unbelievably proud of Seb, he was doing something that made him happy. In this particular film, he was acting alongside Shailene Woodley, who was just amazing. Seb always came home gushing about the new inside jokes that they had come up with. One of your favorite things that Seb did with you was run lines. You liked having the inside scoop on his new works, but this one was harder for you. It had quite a few sex scenes between Seb’s character Frank and Shailene’s Daphne.

Not that it bothered you. Nope. Didn’t bother you. At all.

...mmm, okay maybe it bugged you a little. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Sebastian, it was… well you couldn’t really describe what it was. Whatever the case may be, it was putting you deeper and deeper into a funk, one that you were having a hard time coming out of. And Seb’s fans who weren’t in your corner, weren’t really helping you any.

A few nights ago, Seb surprised you with a casual night out in LA. He texted you before he got home and told you that he was going to be taking you out. Did he give you a dress code for the evening? No, he did not (wonderful, thanks so much Seb). You decided to dress in a half business casual, half rail me when we get home outfit. You ended up wearing an adorable bustier top that was embroidered with pretty blue and pink flowers, a pair of destroyed jeans covered your legs. You finished it off with a pair of nude heels, when you looked in the mirror, you thought you looked hot as fuck. It was around seven when Seb picked you up, mouth hanging open, in awe of your outfit.

“Oh my god. You look so beautiful, Y/N.” He opened the passenger door of his car after he hugged you, giving you a small peck on the lips. Sebastian drove you to a restaurant a block off of Thai Town called Home Restaurant.

“Babe, this place is so cute!” You squeezed Sebastian’s upper arm, jumping up and down beside him. “How’d you find this place?” Sebastian shook his head, smiling at you.

“I asked Shai, actually.” He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, and your heart sank a little. Why did it do that? “She said that the paps hardly ever come around here.” He leaned down pressing a kiss to your temple. “I thought that draga mea deserved a quiet night out on the town.” His voice rasped as he spoke in his native tongue, making a shiver race down your spine.

“Well, tell her I said thank you.” You offered him a small smile. He wrapped his arm around your waist, drawing circles on the exposed skin above your jeans. He spoke with the hostess as your mind drifted away. You were pulled out of your thoughts when he guided you to your table. Sebastian sat across from you, staring deeply into your eyes. You brought your hand up to rest your chin on it, staring back at him. “How’s everything been going?” You were genuinely interested in the answer and it made your heart warm watching his face light up.

“It’s been going really well. Everyone we worked with was real nice, it made all the scenes more comfortable.” Seb’s eyebrows rose at the mention of the scenes and you knew which ones he was referring to.

“Oh, right.” You tried not to let your emotions show.

“Yeah, we’re about to start teasing some of them to promote the show.” Seb sighed at the thought of having to use social media, you shook your head at him.

“I’ll help you with it, you dork.” You laughed to hide your discomfort. “Which scene did they approve for the posts?” Sebastian began to speak when he was interrupted by your waitress. After the two of you ordered your food, the waitress returned with your drinks. Sebastian took a large gulp of his before answering your previous question.

“They want me to post the trailer and then the scene between Frank and Daphne at the bar.” You tried to think back to the script, remembering the context. Frank and Daphne were meeting after Daphne had gone out on a date with Jack. Daphne was claiming that she didn’t want to be a wedge in their friendship, then proceeded to make out with Frank. If you were recalling correctly, Frank and Daphne’s first sex scene followed soon after.

“Okay, we can do that. Do you have any behind the scene pictures you wanna post too?” Seb got out his phone, scrolling through his camera roll to see. He had several different photos of him with Jamie and then him with Shailene. He showed you his phone on a picture of Shailene leaned against him on a couch, her arm over his waist. A red filter colored the photo, you had to hand it to him, it was a good one to use. “We can post it whenever we get home, love.” Sebastian locked his phone and shoved it in his pocket, to focus solely on you.

“How has your day been, draga mea?” You bit your lip as you thought about what you’ve been doing. You’ve been working towards your Master’s, so your days have been filled with preparing for your dissertation. On top of that, you’ve become a bit of an influencer on different social media platforms. Really, you believe your popularity came from your relationship with Sebastian. You’ve been giving his fans the content that they’ve always wanted. Not only that, but you’re active with them.

“My day was good today. I had to edit a few papers from my other classmates but other than that I didn’t do much. I did make a few TikTok videos, but really today was a bit of a lounge day for me.” Seb smiled at you, proud of how hard you’ve been working.

“I should be getting a few days off soon, so we can relax together in the apartment, if you aren’t too busy with your classes.” He stretched his arm across the table, palm up waiting for your hand. Seb pulled your hand up to his mouth, placing a sloppy kiss onto the back of it. His eyes settled on you lovingly. To Sebastian, you were the greatest thing that had ever happened to him.

The two of you managed to finish your meal in peace. No fans came up to Sebastian asking for photos, no paparazzi swarms when you left, just a quiet meal for a normal couple in love. After you got home and you were snuggled in your pajamas alongside Sebastian in your comfortable bed, he handed you his phone to read over his post for his Instagram. The paragraph was sappy, about his time working with Drake, the director, and working with the rest of the cast. Seb always was a softy, never was able to hide it, especially in promo posts.

“It looks good to me. Are you going to post it now? Or wait until tomorrow morning?” Seb debated, he probably should wait and do it tomorrow, but he was most likely going to forget to do it. He clicked post, putting his phone on charge and snuggling into you.

“Thank you for always being there for me, Y/N.” He kissed your jawline, nuzzling his face into your neck. “It really means a lot to me, baby. I love you so much.” He wrapped both hands around your waist, pulling you to his front. You smiled wide, momentarily forgetting all of your troubles.

“I love you too, Seb.” You turned your head slightly, pressing a kiss against the corner of his mouth. “Now let’s get some sleep, love.” Little did you know that a single post could ruin all of the progress that you thought you had made.

*********************

You woke the next morning, alone in bed. You could hear pots clanging in the kitchen of your home, bringing a smile to your face. Before you left the safety of your bed, you checked your socials out of habit. You opened Instagram first, seeing an absurd amount of notifications this early in the morning. Your smile dropped as soon as you opened the first post. Comments on Sebastian’s post about Endings, Beginnings and his chemistry with Shailene weren’t entirely out of the ordinary. They were to be expected, they were playing parts in a love triangle. People were ‘shipping’ Shailene with Seb and Jamie, so that wasn’t too crazy.

What hurt you were the comments saying, “living for shailene and sebastian! she’s a much better match for him than y/n.”

“never thought that y/n girl was going to last, glad he’s going w shailene”

“shailene and seb supremacy”

“yes! i’ve always supported seb in everything he’s done, but i rlly questioned him when he got w that y/n girl. what was he thinking?!”

Tears gathered in your eyes as you continued scrolling. You never thought you and Sebastian never fit. You knew that people had issues with your relationship, but you never let it get in your head this bad. You checked your explore page, pictures of you and Sebastian from last night were riddling the page.

Your heart dropped.

There were pictures of the two of you from last night with parts of your body circled. The exposed skin above your waistband, the excess skin on your neck and arms. You don’t know where they got these pictures, but your stomach was steadily sinking with each picture you saw. The door of your room opened, revealing a smiley Sebastian with a plate full of eggs in one hand and a cup of orange juice in the other.

“Good morning, baby.” You quickly shoved your phone away from you, wiping your tears away from your eyes to meet his. His brows furrowed immediately. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” You snuffled quietly, before answering.

“Uh, nothing. I’m just so proud of you.” You smiled at him, not wanting to bring down his already happy mood with your problems. Was that entirely healthy? Probably not, but you were doing it anyway, consequences be damned.

“Oh, well you don’t have to cry for me, Y/N. Even if you’re proud.” He walked up to your side of the bed, placing the cup and plate on your nightstand. He brought his hand up to your cheeks, wiping away your tear streaks. “You know that I only like to see tears whenever it’s me causing you so much pleasure you beg me to stop.” He winked at you, smirking at your rising blush. To say that didn’t lift your spirits for about half a second would be a lie. Sebastian brought the plate to your lap, waiting for you to start eating. At this particular moment, after seeing all those horrible pictures of your body, your appetite had gone out the window, but he was so smiley.

“After you eat, I want ya to shower.” Sebastian’s hand came up to your jaw, cupping it as you used it to chew the eggs. “We’ve got a long day of lounging and enjoying each other's company ahead of us.” Sebastian stood from the bed, throwing a wink at you as he left the room dramatically. You stopped eating soon after he left, the food tasting like ash on your tongue. At some point, you got into the bathroom, staring at the reflection in the mirror.

Your phone was in your hand again. The pictures flooding your Twitter feed. Shaky breaths left your mouth as you watched your reflection tilt its head. Tears began gathering in your eyes as it felt like you weren’t in your own skin anymore. You had worked so hard to be comfortable in your own body.

It’s amazing how just one picture can ruin everything.

You leaned forward on the countertop, hands holding up your weight. You shifted towards the mirror, examining every miniscule detail that your eyes could see. Your lids came down quickly, tears dragging down your cheeks. You squeezed your eyes closed, shaking your head back and forth.

“You are not going to let this get to you.” You took a few deep breaths as you turned on the shower. Not wanting to be around the mirror anymore, you kept your bath short, talking to yourself the whole time. By the time you left the bathroom, it was steamed completely, you couldn’t see your reflection even if you wanted to.

“He loves you.” You had a mantra and you continued to repeat it as you walked into your shared closet. “He loves all of you.” You pulled one of his old t-shirts off a hanger. “Sebastian loves you.” A pair of your underwear and his loose boxers covered your lower half. “Sebastian loves all of you.” You shoved your feet into a pair of fuzzy pink socks, leaving the closet still muttering to yourself. You tucked your phone into your waistband after checking your socials again. You know you shouldn’t have, but there was some part of you that just wouldn’t let you not.

The same shit covered your For You page on TikTok. Videos from the trailer of Seb and Shailene and then videos of you and Seb, comparing the two relationships. “They do fit well together.” You thought to yourself. A part of you wondering why Seb was with you in the first place.

“Did you say something, love?” Sebastian looked at you from the couch. A blanket was strewn over his lower half, his upper body inviting, waiting for you to join him. His smile dropped when he took in your glassy eyes instead of your usual happy expression.

“Oh baby, what’s wrong?” He started towards you, eyes running over your body for any outward injuries. An understanding look crossed his face when he saw your phone clutched in your hand. “Y/N, talk to me, baby.” Sebastian’s hands rested on your shoulders, lightly caressing your biceps. You recoiled from his touch, feeling uncomfortable in your own body.

“Just some stuff that some fans posted.” Seb’s thumb traced just under your eye, wiping away the tears. He held his right hand out for your phone, to understand what you were talking about. His brows furrowed deeply as he scrolled, not fully processing how destructive his fans could be. Sebastian always believed that they were the best fucking people in the world. He knew that they could be mean, but this was something else.

“They don’t know what they’re talking about, Y/N.” Sebastian’s voice was firm. It was almost strong enough to cut through the fog invading your brain, but not quite. You had officially zoned out. Dead to the world. Lost in your own thoughts. No matter how destructive those thoughts may be.

Sebastian noticed that you were already too deep, having experienced this with you many times before. He was aware that you were self-conscious, insecure, however you want to describe it. Your anxiety always got worse when you were stressed. Prepping for your dissertation was definitely a stressful time. Add on top of that, Sebastian was constantly pulling you from your work for various reasons. Had he contributed to this? Scratch that thought, he didn’t have time for that. He needed to bring you back down to Earth, back to him.

“Y/N.” His hands hovered over your hips. “I’m going to touch you for a second.” He directed you to the couch, settling on the coffee table in front of you. His fingers lightly traced circles onto your knees, as he assessed how he should approach this.

“Y/N. Baby?” Sebastian hesitated before bringing his fingers up to your chin, not wanting you to react badly. “I’m right here, Y/N, it’s Sebastian.” His left hand hadn’t left your knee, continuing to trace small patterns into your skin, giving you something to ground yourself with. He watched you blink and swallow harshly, inhaling sharply before opening your mouth.

“Why are you with me?” Your chin trembled with unvoiced sobs. “You deserve the world, Seb. I’m not even--” Your sentence was cut off by a loud whimper causing tears to start streak down. Sebastian wasn’t sure if this was a situation where you wanted him to be involved, so he waited for a sign.

“I’m not even worth a glance from you.” Your hand came up to wipe at your runny nose. “They’re so right. You need to be with someone like Shailene.” A bitter sob racked your body, making your body fold in half. Sebastian caught you before you hurt yourself.

“Y/N. I love you.” He always heard you say that to yourself when you thought he wasn’t listening. He knew that you suffered from anxiety, so he was always watching. Always paying attention to your little cues. The little things that he could use to help you as much as he could. “I love all of you.” He held one of your hands, running his thumb over the back of it.

“I don’t care what they say, baby.” He lifted your face to his, steel blue eyes locking with your cloudy pair. “I picked you.” He pecked your right cheek. “I want you.” A peck to your left. “I want only you.” One to your forehead. “It’s always been you, Y/N.” Another on your chin. “I love all of you, Y/N.” Sebastian landed a final short kiss to your lips, lingering for only a second.

“I want you to understand something, Y/N.” His gaze never left you. “I’m not going anywhere.” His brows raised as he hardened his voice. “I’m especially not going anywhere at the behest of my fans. I love them to death, but they don’t get to decide who I love.” Sebastian shifted to sit next to you on the couch. “Is it okay if I put my arms around you?” All he got was a brief nod in return, which was expected.

“I’m yours, Y/N. As much as you’re mine.” His arms descended around you, wrapping you in a loving embrace. You turned to face him fully, bringing your own arms around his waist, shoving your head into his neck.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with all my shit, Seb.” Sebastian almost missed your comment because you spoke into his shoulder and through loud snuffles. He backed away to look you in the face.

“I signed up for this, Y/N. I’m here for whatever we go through.” He tucked a stray hair behind your ear. “We go through ‘your shit’ together, Y/N. This is a partnership, a two-way street.” He looked at the weak smile on your face, heart warming slightly at the sight. His face turned serious, casting a glance at your phone on the coffee table.

“How long have you been sitting on this?” He knew how quickly your mind could twist things, so he wasn’t sure what to expect. You bit your lip, not meeting his eyes anymore.

“Just since this morning.” He held you away from his body, watching your expression.

“Is this why you were crying earlier?” You gave him a meek nod in response. “Baby, I thought we talked about this. We have to talk to each other when we think we’re going to go into a funk.” The two of you had talked about it before, but you didn’t think this was going to be a funk.

“I should’ve been able to just shake this off because I know you love me and you won’t leave me because of something that some people on the Internet say.” The words left your mouth before you could process everything, your mind quick to defend itself.

“It’s okay, Y/N. You don’t always have to be able to shake something off. We just have to keep each other in the loop.” Sebastian looked over your tear-stained face, pressing a kiss to your forehead again. “Let’s ditch the phones today. Just spend the day in each other’s arms, how’s that sound?” You smiled softly, nodding at the man in front of you. He got up quickly hiding both of your phones in the kitchen somewhere.

This definitely wasn’t a solution to dealing with your anxiety, Sebastian knew that. It also wasn’t dealing with the toxic people on the Internet, but you didn’t need that right now. You needed to be immersed in an environment that accepted what you were going through without judgement, Sebastian could provide that. Seb hummed happily when you snuggled into his side under the covers on your couch while he searched for a movie. He kissed the top of your head and he felt you smile against his stomach.

“I’m proud of you, draga mea.” You turned to face him, a confused expression lacing your features.

“For what, Seb?” He stroked your face with a single finger, mapping out your features.

“I’m proud of how you handle yourself. I’m amazed at how strong you are, even when you think you’re not.” He leaned closer to you, whispering his next words. “You’re my hero.” One corner of your mouth twitched upwards, not wanting to accept it. You rolled your eyes playfully, settling back onto his stomach before speaking.

“I love you, Sebastian.”

“And I love you, Y/N.”

[devildomimagines]

Request: How the Demon Brothers React to a Very Competent Caretaker MC

The prompt: MC has to take care of lots of siblings back in the human world. Not, like, 6 or 7 siblings, but TWENTY-FOUR!! MC can multitask like no one’s business and can easily take care of any problem that might arise with their siblings. MC is great at taking care of others and enjoys it. The hang-up is that when they come to Devildom, they suddenly find themselves with a lot of free time and aren’t really sure how to fill in those gaps since they were always dedicating themselves to others.

Anon! Your message was so sweet but I was having technical difficulties writing the post as an answer so I decided to just make a separate text post. Btw, your great-grandmother sounds like a total badass, what an inspiration! I hope you don’t mind my work around for the technical issues and I hope this lives up to what you were looking for!

Edit: I wrote this for the formerly Undateables as well, check it out here.

Belphegor

As the youngest he doesn’t completely understand but he does love his family (even if he doesn’t always show it).

He is kind of amazed with how competent MC is and how easily adaptable to the needs of him and his brothers.

He’s kind of selfish so oftentimes he abuses your nurturing nature.

After the events in the attic, Belphie does worry you’ll hold it against him, even subconsciously. You cut the tension one night by saying, "You can't kill me, I've survived my little sibling trying to play violin with a chainsaw!" The mental image makes him laugh.

Belphie would be the best brother to consult with if you want to learn to be a little selfish yourself. It doesn’t have to be a complete personality overhaul but there is value in knowing what you want and making those wants known to others.

While taking care of so many siblings, you never had the opportunity to take naps and he is offended! But secretly loves that he gets to show you the joys of a nap.

Beelzebub

Beel loves taking care of others, just a very loving boy. The two of you get along like peas in a pod. 

It’s very easy to fall into old habits around him because he has a personality that makes you want to care for him.

Since he’s so strong, he does fear hurting you by accident. You let him know, “I don't fear pain, I do my school homework upside-down while on a ladder changing the lamp." While it doesn’t totally extinguish his fears, the thought of that total body workout intrigues him enough to distract him.

If you want to fill some time, he would love to have you join him at the gym or come see his games.

Physical fitness and nutrition are fundamental to taking care of yourself and Beel would be the demon to go to to learn more if you’re interested. 

Also, I’m sure you would agree but cooking is a form of love so if you enjoy spending your free time baking and cooking, Beel will follow you around (for the treats lol). He’s said it before, if you know how to cook then he wants you to stay by his side.

Asmodeus

“Treat yo self” is his guiding principle. He is your demon to teach self-care.

If you’re looking for something to do, part of your time can be filled with his routines for skin care, hair care and mental health checks.

Casually you mentioned one day, “"Me, go to sleep? I'm the oldest sibling, I don't sleep, I worry with my eyes closed!"

“MC! You need to get your beauty rest!” He countered. I can imagine that he basically drags you to Belphie to figure out how to sleep better.

Although he has a lot of knowledge to offer, you are quick to pick it up and help him in braiding his hair out of his face or gently applying a face mask.

The fun part of learning from Asmo is that there’s always some new beauty product to try and he loves having a buddy to try it with. 

Satan

He’s amazed with everything you can do. He asks you to teach him how to do things he watches you do flawlessly.

He’s definitely curious to hear about what it’s like living with so many siblings, 6 seems like too many sometimes so 4 times that is completely unknown to him.

Satan was helping with some homework and suggested tackling an easier assignment first, you challenged him with, "Don't underestimate me, I managed to make a toddler spell pneumoultramicroscopicssilicovulcanoconiosis!"

He laughs as he confirms he wasn’t underestimating you, just trying to offer some guidance for efficiency.

You need something to pass time? Satan has enough books in his room to literally last your lifetime.

He can help you find any kind of book, simply let him know what you would be interested in and he probably has a suggestion.

Leviathan

He’s drawn to you and at first he doesn’t know why. Later he realizes it’s because you’re so good at listening where his brothers usually just ignore him.

Games and anime are a great time filler if you’re interested, he’s got all the best recommendations.

It might be tough to get into first if you’re not used to binge watching a series or gaming for hours on end.

When he apologizes for possibly annoying you with his rants you assure, "You can't annoy me, I've endured eight rebellious teenagers!"

I could imagine that you’d resonate with slice of life animes as an introduction to the genre and possibly adventure games with a good story would catch your attention.

Even if you’re not totally invested, he enjoys your presence since you’re not dismissing his interest.

Mammon

Listen, he’s a good older brother! Some of his personal decisions are questionable but he’s dependable when needed.

Definitely king of random interests so your well-rounded abilities are actually well suited to keeping up with whatever past time has piqued his interest this week.

Mammon would probably be confused when you see something during one of his shopping trips that you clearly want but refuse to buy. Eventually he builds it up enough (like the demon on your shoulder whispering in your ear lol) that you do end up getting it.

What you had first dismissed as Mammon being materialistic, you slowly come to realize because of him that you can surround yourself with things that bring you joy and so your days are filled with happiness.

He can get reckless so he appreciates your protection from Lucifer’s punishments and hides behind you like some of your siblings did at home.

He protects you too though! He stands up for you and points out things that are unfair to make you aware. 

Lucifer

Oldest sibling comradery from the get-go.

You’re both very responsible individuals and when you join forces, it’s like nothing is impossible.

He’s the one you go to the first couple weeks when you find yourself with free time. He’s sure to have something to be done to help fill the newfound free time.

Over time he comes to rely on you but he’s worried he’s overworking you with the tougher assignments. You made sure to remind him, "I have no difficulty with this task, I'm the oldest of twenty-four siblings!"

Lucifer recognizes your competence and he excels at boosting confidence and pride so don’t think you are not immune to that.

The more time you spend with him, the more you develop a stronger sense of self-worth and self-determination. He practically gushes pride at the sight of you defending yourself and claiming the value of your time near the end of the exchange program.

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

The Stars Were Bright Above | Peter Parker

✦ pairing — Peter Parker x female!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 12k

✦ fake dating AU

✦ summary — in an attempt to make your best friend Harry jealous, you accept to fake date Peter who needs to cover up his big secret.

✦ request — I just read your Harry series and I was wondering if you could do something similar where reader is in love with Harry and she fake dates Peter and falls for him?

✦ warnings — angst, family issues, mentions of food and alcohol, language, reader and Peter are in college, brief depictions of anxiety, sexually suggestive content, drama between friends, fluff.

✦ author's note — whew, this one was supposed to be a quick one shot that’d help me get back into writing after days with a horrible migraine and then I completely lost control of it. I managed to find a compromise in 12k words after an excruciating editing process. Hope it’s coherent and that you like it!

════════════════════════

“I would love to stop and chat,” you told Peter as you looked for your keys, “but I’m in a hurry.”

“I’ll walk you to your car.”

If only you could find the stupid keys first! Oh, well, you’d check your backpack once you were in the parking lot.

Peter could have used the time it took you to cross campus to tell you whatever it was he wanted to say. Instead, he fiddled with the straps of his backpack and walked beside you in complete silence.

“I need a favor,” he finally said when you stopped in front of your car. As though it hadn’t been obvious.

“Peter,” you sighed, trying to hold your open backpack against your knee. A horrible idea, really. “My mom will kill me if I’m late for lunch.”

He took your backpack in his hands and held it for you. “I... it’s embarrassing.”

“We can talk about it tomorrow.”

“It can’t wait!”

His tone made you lift your head. “Are you alright? Is your aunt sick or something?”

He shook his head. “It’s about May in a way... oh, that rhymed.”

“Focus.”

“Right, right. Uhmmm she thought I was hiding something from her—“

You interrupted, “Were you?”

“Kind of,” he admitted. “So I told her I have a girlfriend.”

“I didn’t know you were dating anybody.”

“I’m not.”

“So why did you—“ You groaned. “Oh my God, you’re an idiot.”

“I deserve that one.”

“You want me to convince Gwen?”

“Gwen? Why would—“ He shook his head. Avoiding your eyes, he said, “I told her it was you.”

“And she believed you?”

“I’m as shocked as you are!”

“So you want me to lie to your aunt and tell her I’m dating you.” You closed your backpack, having had no luck finding your keys.

“More or less.” Peter continued holding your backpack, patiently waiting for you to retrieve it. “I was thinking more along the lines of lying to everybody and tell them we’re dating.”

You brought a hand to your hair, lightly gripping it for a moment. “I’m not a good actress.”

“I think your keys are in your hoodie.”

You palmed the front pocket where the sound of metal against metal let you know he was right. Introducing your hand, you withdrew the keys. “How did you know?”

“I heard them.”

“You have amazing hearing.” You reached over to take your backpack.

He handed it to you. “It’s a blessing and a curse.”

You unlocked the car and opened the back door on the driver’s side. Leaving your backpack onto the backseat, you heard Peter ask, “So... are you helping me?”

Standing straight, you turned to peer at him. You had to squint as the sun hit your face. “Can we talk later or tomorrow?”

He nodded. “Text me. Please.”

Peter had always been considerate with you and this time was no different. He patted your back before walking away on the opposite direction.

You bit your bottom lip. “Hey.”

Peter turned around. “Mmh?”

“Want me to drop you off?”

“Sure.”

It was nice to have some company in the car after a pretty lonely day. Gwen was nowhere to be seen and you didn’t share classes with Mary Jane. You had other friends, but they didn’t make you feel complete like Gwen, Mary Jane, Flash, Peter, and Harry did.

Harry...

You couldn’t stop yourself from asking, “Did you tell Harry?”

He didn’t sound surprised. “I was waiting for your answer. I told May she was the first person to know.”

You hummed. “What would I have to do?”

“She’ll want to confirm it’s true so you’d have dinner with us and then we would act like a couple in front of everybody.”

“Like a couple?”

“Just holding hands and hugging,” he clarified. “Maybe the occasional kiss on the cheek to throw people off their rhythm. Oh, and pet names!”

“You’ve got everything planned, huh.”

“My life depends on this,” he said dramatically.

“Do I get to know your secret if I say yes?”

He considered your question for a moment. “Eventually.”

You couldn’t believe you were doing this. “When should I come over for dinner?”

Peter’s eyes lit up. “Probably this weekend. I’ll ask May and text you.”

“Cool. I’ll talk to you later, then.”

He nodded. “Be safe.”

“You too.”

You pulled over a few blocks from your family home to put on some makeup, that way you would avoid the chastising that came every time your mom saw the bags under your eyes.

Wondering if Peter could tell the reason behind your helpfulness, you got rid of your hoodie and slipped a sweater on.

Doing this every time you visited after school was tiring, but it was better than putting up with meaningless fights.

Your mom was losing her patience when you arrived, you could see it on her face. She glared at you as you approached her to kiss her cheek. This and the fact that you couldn’t stand pretending so many aspects of your personality, were what lead you to choose to live on your own.

She hadn’t been too happy about it, but she was busy with the family business, her social life, and your sister to complain. Your dad always did what any of you wanted, mostly to make you three shut up.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry! Peter needed help with something.”

You sat down next to your sister who lifted an eyebrow.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately,” your mom suspiciously pointed out.

Oh, so she was keeping tabs on what you did on your free time...

The truth was there had never been anything between you and Peter.

You met him on his first day of college. He was the new kid everybody was intrigued by. Harry hated him at first and although you didn’t, you didn’t speak to him until Harry decided to stop being an asshole.

Now Harry was too busy with Liz, his gorgeous girlfriend, to care about you, his best friend.

It hurt, it really did. You befriended Harry when you were kids and had been inseparable up until now. Of course you had to put up with his weird flings, but he had never cast you aside for them.

You had harbored hope that he was secretly into you, but the less he spoke to you the more you realized he hadn’t found the one until he met Liz. That hurt even more — you were supposed to be the one.

Everything had played out in your mind from the moment you realized you had a crush on him. You would start dating in high school or college, get married, have kids, be a happy family...

But ever since he left you by yourself at a party when he was supposed to be your ride, you realized he hadn’t cared as much as you did.

Peter walked you to your apartment that night and made sure you drank plenty of water. He didn’t have to do it, Gwen and Mary Jane had already offered to do it themselves, but for some reason he felt like it.

You took a sip of water, realizing your mom and your sister were waiting for an answer. “He’s nice,” you opted for saying.

“Nice, eh,” you sister teased you.

“Yeah, nice. Is there a problem with that?”

You knew that attitude would only make them believe they were right in their assumptions. It was what Peter needed from you either way.

Truthfully, Peter wasn’t always nice, but you knew he tried.

“Are we waiting for dad?” you asked.

Your mom nodded. “He’ll be home any moment now.”

Your mom never complained when your dad was late, or when he was too busy to come home for lunch. You were used to it, she was biased in his favor — she had been since you were a child.

You checked your phone to keep yourself entertained. The Notification Center showed multiple badges, but the messages one caught your eye immediately.

Gwen💛: Missed you today.

You unlocked your phone to reply that you had missed her too when another text came in.

Pete: May said it would be cool if the three of us had dinner on Saturday.

You answered Peter first.

Sounds good to me. Just tell me what should I bring.

Your presence is more than enough, you’re our guest.

You huffed a laugh as you typed. Look at you trying to be cute.

I’ll have you know I’m extremely cute all the time.

Yeah, yeah. Should I bring dessert?

You don’t have to bring anything if you don’t want to.

I will strangle you the moment I see you, Peter.

Just say yes or no.

Maybe.

I hate you.

That’s not the proper way to treat your boyfriend :(

You could picture the glint in his eyes as he tried not to laugh.

You went along with it. I’m sorry, babe :(

I forgive you because I’m a nice boyfriend.

Won’t happen again. <3

Now let’s hope we can talk like that in person.

Are you daring me to sweet talk you in person?

Yes.

Your mom called your name. “Your dad asked you a question.”

You lifted your head. “Mmh?”

“No, no, continue texting,” he said sarcastically, “I have all day.”

You quickly typed TTYL and locked your phone. “Sorry.”

Your dad shook his head. “You and Harry always do this.”

“I wasn’t texting Harry,” you felt the need to explain. Harry didn’t deserve credit for this. “What did you want to ask?”

“I asked,” he remarked the word. “If you would be busy this weekend. Your sister won’t be.”

“I— uhmmm... I’m having dinner with Peter and his aunt on Saturday.” You saw your sister purse her lips beside you. “Did you need anything?”

“To spend time with my family.”

“I guess I can come over on Sunday or Saturday morning.”

“I was thinking about going out of town for the weekend,” he clarified.

“The three of you can go if you don’t want to wait another week,” you assured them. “I already told Peter I would have dinner with him and his aunt so I can’t cancel. I also have projects to do.”

════════════════════════

You rested your head on Gwen’s shoulder as both of you waited for Mary Jane in the cafeteria. They never made you feel like a third wheel even though they were dating so you never avoided spending time with them.

Mary Jane arrived accompanied by Peter. He looked extremely serious but he didn’t say anything as he stood across the table, staring at you like a child scared of saying what they had been up to. She elbowed him on the side before sitting down.

Peter got closer to you. “Can we talk?” he asked. “It’s important.”

You nodded, lifting your head off Gwen’s shoulder. As you stood up, you felt her hand squeeze yours which prompted you to turn and look at her.

She gave you a playful look that made you realize she wanted to know every detail once you were done. As your eyes crossed Mary Jane’s, you saw a similar sentiment in them.

“I’ll be right back,” you told them to pacify them.

He guided you to an empty area which wasn’t such an easy task. You ended up resting your shoulder against the wall, facing Peter while he looked around.

His eyes landed on you as he spoke in a hushed voice. “Can we start today?”

You mirrored his tone. “Fake dating?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay...”

“You don’t sound too sure.”

“Well, you’re changing the plan,” you explained. You hated changing plans, even more so when you weren’t sure you were the right person to execute them.

“I know. Just a day earlier, though.” He unashamedly pouted.

“Okay,” you said, this time sure. “Any particular reason?”

“There’s this freshman who thinks I flirt with her just because I’m nice to her and she’s creeping me out. I feel like she follows me around.”

You sighed. “She just has a crush on you, don’t be a baby.”

“Please?”

“I already said yes, you baby.”

“You kinda like calling me baby, don’t you?”

You playfully shoved him “You’re so annoying.” However, before he could leave to do whatever it was he did in his free periods, you grabbed him by the wrist. “Does Mary Jane know about your plan?”

“No. Why?”

“You arrived together.”

“Ah. No.” He shook his head. “I was looking for you and asked her if she had seen you.”

“Makes sense.”

“Yeah...”

You shifted on your feet. “So what now?”

“Do you have class next period?”

“Sadly.”

He chuckled. “I’ll walk you to class.”

“Wanna hang out with us for a little bit?”

“I gotta talk to Flash.”

You wiggled your eyebrows. “Gonna ask him out too?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m never telling you who I find attractive ever again.”

“Good. Don’t wanna make your girlfriend jealous — do you, babe?”

Peter leaned over. His breath fanned on your face as he said, “Don’t worry, baby, I only have eyes for you.” He then kissed your cheek. “I’ll be right back. Wait for me with Gwen and Mary Jane.”

You nodded, hoping you didn’t look as stunted as you felt.

Both your friends stared at you, desperate to hear an explanation. You understood why, but you were still trying to come up with an excuse as to why you were so flustered over a kiss on the cheek.

You checked your phone, but there was nothing worthy of your attention.

Mary Jane spoke first, “What did Peter need?”

“We are a thing now.”

Gwen hummed. “But what did he need?”

“Permission to make it public.”

Mary Jane scratched her cheek. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

“You think he’d be a bad boyfriend?”

“I think you shouldn’t use him to make Harry notice you.”

That was harsh. Perhaps you deserved the reminder that Harry couldn’t care less about you, and perhaps you also deserved to feel bad for trying to use Peter against him — you would’ve preferred if the reminder didn’t come from your best friend.

“I’m not,” you partially lied. “I genuinely like Peter.”

True to his word, Peter walked you to class. You didn’t hold hands, it didn’t feel right, but he sweetly told you that he’d be waiting for you after your last class.

You saw Harry across the hallway, talking to Liz and one of her friends. For a second you thought he would walk towards you, the way he held your gaze had been almost cruel.

But he didn’t, he just gave you a nod and walked in the opposite direction, hand in hand with Liz.

You had better things to worry about. Your classes, your family’s expectations, helping Peter — reciprocal things to an extent. So why couldn’t you just get over the fact that Harry didn’t care about you?

Somebody poked you on the arm with their finger. Turning to the side, you found Flash who shot you a smile.

“What’s up?” you greeted him.

“We have a project to finish.”

You cursed under your breath. “Are you free on Sunday?”

“Nope.”

“Tomorrow?”

He tilted his head. “Yeah. I’ll drop by your place.”

“At what time?”

“Like 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Don’t wanna wake you up by mistake again.”

Peter laughed behind you, having caught that last part.

You ignored Peter. “I have something to do after 5. Why don’t you come over early? I promise I’ll be awake.”

Flash shared a look with Peter and then patted your shoulder. “Cool. See you tomorrow, sleeping beauty.”

Peter snickered, standing beside you now.

“Stop laughing.”

“I just can’t believe you’re that grumpy in the mornings.” He started walking towards the exit.

You walked beside him. “You don’t know the whole story.”

He opened the door for you and then followed your steps. “You can tell it tomorrow at dinner.”

Craning your neck go look at him, you asked, “You want your aunt to laugh at me?”

“I’ll defend you.”

You suddenly remembered that you didn’t know what you were supposed to do or say in front of his aunt. You had met her before, but that fact made this situation even more bizarre.

You tried to start with an easy question, “Should I wear a dress for tomorrow?”

“You can wear whatever you want,” he assured you.

Well, that wasn’t helpful at all.

════════════════════════

You checked the time on your phone and realized you had a message from Flash. He was on his way.

Looking around your bedroom, your eyes fell on the bed where a pile of clothes laid. The sight stressed you out, and even more the fact that you didn’t seem to be able to set your mind on an outfit.

You anxiously waited for Flash at the door, pulling it open the moment you were aware of his presence on the other side.

He lifted both eyebrows. You usually took your sweet time to answer the door.

“We sh—“

You interrupted him. “I need your help with something else first.”

Flash softly dropped the materials he had been carrying onto the couch as he gave you a skeptic look. “I’m not disposing of a body for you.”

You took him by the wrist, dragging him to your bedroom. It wasn’t an abnormal occurrence by any means, he honestly should have had expected it.

“God, not again.” He sighed as his eyes fell on the pairs of shoes scattered around the room.

“Come on, just tell me if I should wear that skirt.” You pointed at the black skirt on top of the mountain of clothing. “Or jeans.”

He opened his arms, unsure as to what to tell you as his hands stayed in an awkward angle.

“What would you want me to wear if I were meeting your family?” you encouraged him to help you.

He cocked his head, looking at you through his lashes. “A straight jacket.”

“Please take this seriously.”

Inhaling deeply, he set his eyes on the pile of clothes. “Is the skirt more comfortable than the jeans?”

“I’m not thinking about comfort.”

“Well, you should. You know May will make you squirm with her questions.”

“No skirt, then.”

“It’s just dinner,” Flash reminded you, “wear something casual.”

”Yeah,” you sighed, “just dinner.”

What an easy thing to say. You knew so few details that you might as well make a fool of yourself in front of May.

Flash ignored your semblance even though you knew he took note of it. He reached his hand into one of the bags he had been carrying then handed you a paper bag. “I brought breakfast.”

“Why didn’t you say so when you arrived?”

He glared at you. “Why don’t you get us something to drink instead?”

You ate breakfast sat on the living room floor while discussing your project. Flash wasn’t the most responsible person ever, but he was by far the best partner you ever had for a project.

However, his comment from earlier made you wonder something. Unable to hold it anymore, you asked, “How did you even know about the dinner?”

“Peter told me,” he answered simply.

“He did?”

“Why are you so shocked?”

You shrugged. “I thought we would wait a little bit longer.”

“Yeah, but it was bound to happen.”

“Don’t,” you warned him.

“Why not? I told you you’d end up having a crush on him.”

“Flaaaaaaaash!”

You hated to prove him right and although this was different, you wouldn’t lie and say Peter wasn’t attractive or crush material.

“Peter’s cool.”

“You don’t have to convince me, I’m already dating him.”

“I’m just pointing out that he’s an upgrade.”

There it was.

Flash took a dislike towards Harry when Harry started dating Liz which was normal because she was his ex, but it turned into vitriol really quickly.

Both Flash and Harry put Peter in an awkward situation the first few months. Now you didn’t know much about it — Harry complained about it with you at first, but he stopped.

“It’s different.”

“That’s the point, isn’t it?”

You frowned, looking into your half-empty cup of coffee.

“I can see through you.”

“Mary Jane told you her theory, didn’t she?”

“She thinks the same?” You nodded. He pensively hummed. “She didn’t tell me, to be honest. I’m only trying to look out for you and Peter.”

“I like him, I don’t know why you think I don’t.”

Flash didn’t spare you as he reminded you, “Because you said the same about your ex.”

“Yeah and look how that went!”

“(Name).”

“What?”

“Stop comparing guys you like to Harry and I promise you things will go well.”

He really could see right through you.

“I’ll stop. I promise.” Not knowing why, you added, “It’s not even that hard, Peter is... Peter. You know what I mean? Like how can you compare him to other people or other people to him?”

“Yeah, I get it.”

Oh no. “Do you like him?” you blurted.

Flash laughed softly. “Not in that way, no.”

“You sure? I don’t want things to be weird.”

“Peter might be handsome and cool,” he admitted, “but we wouldn’t work as a couple.”

“You think Peter and I would?” you incredulously asked.

“You will, yeah.”

You were truly nervous now. Not because of May’s potential questions or because you would have to lie — actually, you didn’t know where the nerves were coming from.

You just knew that Flash’s words resonated with you. He went from hating Peter to being his close friend which in your eyes meant he knew Peter better than anyone.

Did Flash know what Peter was hiding? Perhaps that was what he was alluding to when he assured you Peter and you would work as a couple.

The day went by extremely quickly. You weren’t mentally ready when Flash left or when you were on your way to Peter’s for that matter.

Peter was waiting for you in the lobby with hands in his pockets and shifty eyes.

“Is she like mad or something?” you asked instead of greeting him. You were ten minutes early so tardiness couldn’t be the issue.

He made a face, jerking his head as he gazed at you. He looked confused. “She’s just worried.”

What if she got angry at you when you hadn’t done anything? Peter told you to act normal, but normal you wasn’t madly in love with him.

As you approached the apartment, you found yourself thinking you were either going to ruin this or find out you deserved an academy award.

Peter opened the door and allowed you to come in first. May smiled at you before giving you a side hug in greeting.

“I brought dessert,” you told her as you parted from her.

“Oh, honey, you didn’t have to.”

Okay. Not angry yet.

She placed the dessert onto the table and motioned for you and Peter to sit.

Peter and you grabbed the chair at the same time. He opened his eyes wide, making you withdraw your hands immediately. He took the chair out for you.

Peter could be polite when he wanted, but you were getting worried. Since when did he treat the people he dated like this?

Nonetheless, you sat down.

May didn’t waste time and touched the subject pretty quickly. The moment she served dinner, she said, “I thought Peter was messing with me at first.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” he defended himself.

“Sure you wouldn’t,” she said sardonically.

“I thought he was messing with me when he asked me out, so I get it.”

Peter looked at you in shock and you unconsciously smiled at him.

May cooed. “I don’t understand why you two hid your relationship for months when you’re so cute together.”

“I didn’t want it to be awkward with our friends,” you quickly lied. “What if it didn’t work out or something?”

Your answer would have made sense if your relationship with Peter was real and that would be your strategy from now on. He couldn’t have a secret that would need you to lie that often.

May was so happy with your answers that the conversation deviated from you and Peter to everything but your love life.

You felt a little silly now, having expected the worst when Peter had already told you she was just worried.

He walked you to your car at the end of the night, something you guessed would become a common occurrence.

Things had gone well with May so you had no reason to think things wouldn’t go well with your friends.

You gnawed on the inside of your bottom lip. “Are things going to be awkward now?”

“Between us?”

You nodded. “I mean... saying shit is one thing, but you know...” God, you felt awkward already.

Peter frowned for a moment. “Give me your hand.”

Shifting on your feet, you asked, “You want your hand to be under mine or on top?”

“I don’t mind. You choose.”

You slid your arm under his, opening your palm but not touching him yet. He took the initiative and pressed his hand against yours.

“Is this okay?” he softly asked.

“Yes.”

He intertwined his fingers with yours, squeezing a little bit. You huffed a laugh.

“This too?”

You nodded.

“Well, that’s the only thing that’ll change between us. We already hug pretty often.”

Oh, Peter gave the best hugs. Although Gwen was a close second, you preferred his because he was always warm. He also smelled good, but you had to give it to Gwen and admit she did too.

“I’ll see you on Monday, then, boyfriend.”

“Drive safe, girlfriend.” Before you could say anything, he added, “Text me when you get home.” Yet he didn’t let go of your hand immediately.

════════════════════════

Harry didn’t take the news of your relationship with Peter that well. The moment he saw you holding hands, he made his way towards you.

Peter squeezed your hand, easing your nerves. He was there, nothing could go wrong with Peter there.

“Shouldn’t you be in class?” Harry drily asked you.

“In twenty minutes or so,” you softly answered.

“Well, can I talk to you?”

You turned to Peter, hoping he’d save you from an awkward conversation. Sure, you wanted a reaction from Harry, but not an angry one!

“It’s okay, baby.” Peter kissed your hair as he let go of your hand. “I’ll see you later.”

With a shaky sigh, you motioned Harry to lead the way.

He immediately asked, “Why Peter?”

You stuttered. “I... things just happened.”

“Did they have to happen with my other best friend?”

In a twisted way, they had to. But you couldn’t possibly tell him that. “You didn’t care when Gwen had a crush on him, why is this any different?”

His eyes sharpened. “It just is.”

Many things just were. That didn’t mean anything. You wished you had the courage to reply.

As always, you gave him the upper hand and allowed him to make another question. “It’s not serious, right?”

What were you supposed to say? The thing that’d make him angry or the thing that’d pacify him? How selfish of you to be thinking about making Harry jealous when Peter needed this to be believable.

“It’s too soon to know.”

Harry hummed, softly nodding. “I’ll walk you to your class.”

You frowned. He had never done something like that.

“You’re coming to my birthday party, right?”

You almost tripped as you answered, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Cool. I’ll see you there.”

Thirteen-year-old you was right when she thought boys were confusing, but Harry surely took the cake. You assumed he’d ask you to hang out more often given his reaction, but there he was telling you —on a Monday— that he’d see you on Saturday.

Harry’s attitude soured your entire morning. If classes were already unbearable, he made you want to skip each one of them. Your friends noticed, but nobody said anything.

What a horrible morning and what a horrible week it would be until his stupid birthday party rolled around and you’d have to see him show his girlfriend off.

Your friends decided to go to the coffee shop near campus after class and although you weren’t in the mood for socializing, you would rather suck it up than be by yourself.

Besides, coffee shops were always a good place to do homework and you had quite a few projects accumulated.

Peter rested his head on your shoulder in the same way you always rested yours on Gwen’s. You threw your arm around his shoulders as you rested your eyes.

“Are you getting sleepy?” you whispered in case he was.

“No,” he mumbled. “But I don’t wanna move.”

“I have to pick up my sister from the mall in a couple of hours so you’ll have to.”

He whined.

“Who would’ve thought Peter would be a clingy boyfriend,” Gwen teased.

“Literally anybody who has ever seen him drunk,” Flash continued teasing him.

Peter was red. He shifted, trying to hide his face on your shoulder.

In all honesty, you didn’t mind if he was clingy or not. You had been told you were a little too effusive when it came to affection so you had a soft spot for people who were similar in any way.

You withdrew your arm from his shoulders in order to continue typing on your computer.

Peter went back to his previous position, facing your computer too. “You made a typo,” he told you. “Third line on the second paragraph.”

Mary Jane arrived late and she seemed to be in a bad mood so Gwen made up an excuse in front of your friend group as though she knew something you didn’t —she probably did— and took her home.

Looking at the time, you realized it was time for you to get going too so you started to put your things away.

‘I’m leaving with Flash,” Peter reminded you. “Text me or call me if you need me. I might not answer quickly because we’ll be playing video games but just try for a second time, okay?”

“Okay.”

He kissed your forehead. ”Drive carefully.”

You hummed. “Have fun, Pete.”

“You too, baby.”

Your mom didn’t give you many details when she asked you to pick your sister up. You didn’t even know with which friends she was hanging out with or why they were at the mall on a Monday and not somewhere more fun.

There you were, judging her like you hadn’t followed Harry like a puppy when you were her age.

She texted you that she was on her way to the entrance you were waiting at, telling you she had been all the way across.

It was probably a lie, but you’d let it slide.

Your sister tugged the door open and got into the car in silence, putting her cellphone away as she got comfortable.

“Did you have fun?”

She nodded and smiled at you.

You snickered and poked her cheek. “You have dried lipgloss all over your mouth.”

Your sister bashfully looked down.

You handed her a tissue. “Hey, it’s okay. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

She stayed silent for a small moment before worriedly asking, “Are you telling mom and dad?”

“No. But I’d like to know who it was.”

She whined. “Do I really have to tell you?”

You tried to put yourself in her shoes. You didn’t know how embarrassing it would have been for you to talk about your first kiss —or kisses— with a family member because nobody really cared when you started dating classmates.

But it didn’t sound fun so instead, you asked, “Are they your age?”

“Yup ”

“You promise?”

Realizing the question was serious, she nodded for emphasis. “Yes.”

“Cool. That’s all that matters.”

Your dad was home so you were forced to stay for dinner which again, was better than being on your own.

You couldn’t wait to either get together with Harry or over him. As things were going, you could only admit it would be the latter.

“Did your friend have a good birthday?”

Your sister looked at you before answering. “Yeah, we saw a movie.”

“What was the movie about?”

Your dad really tried to get along with both of you, you had to give him that. He was bad at it most of the time, but he tried.

Your phone started ringing. As you stared at the screen, you frowned. Unknown numbers rarely called you.

Hesitant, you answered, “Hello?”

“Hi, (Name),” May tried to speak sweetly. The moment you heard her voice, you stood up from your seat on the couch and left the living room. “Peter isn’t answering his phone, can you put him on the line for me?”

You walked into the adjacent studio, weirded out by her request. “He told you he’d be with me?”

“Isn’t he?”

“He is,” you said hurriedly, “I was just curious.”

“Can I talk to him now?” May laughed nervously.

“He went out to buy food and left his phone here. I’ll tell him to call you as soon as he’s back.”

“Thank you.”

You texted him multiple times as soon as May hung up.

May called. Where are you?

She sounded worried.

I had to lie and say you had gone out to buy food and forgot your phone in case she asks.

Hey.

Pete?

Dude, you’re scaring me.

PETER

Come on

Istg I will lose my shit if you’re messing with me

It’s not funny

You made your way towards the bathroom, needing to splash some water onto your face or something. Anything.

He couldn’t be so immersed in a video game as to not answer multiple calls or texts.

Why would Peter tell May he was with you when he could easily tell her he was with Flash? Was he not at Flash’s anymore?

Perhaps Flash would reply!

You texted him and called him dozens of times before giving up. You didn’t want to think the worst, maybe they were out buying something, but they could be in danger too.

Your hands started shaking pretty quickly when the idea of something happening to him overpowered your thoughts.

You needed to get out of that bathroom and back to the living room where a distraction could meet your anxiety before you went crazy.

So you splashed your face and bolted.

Back in the living room, you caught pieces of your dad’s conversation with your sister. He was boring her with business talk.

You had been in her place many times, and although his tone was more lighthearted with her because the expectations to follow in his footsteps were on you, it was clear he was trying to get her interested in things she didn’t even understand.

Your phone dinged. You immediately looked down.

Pete❤️: I’m okay

What the fuck, Peter?

Where were you?

Busy, sorry.

Did you call May?

Yeah.

Ok.

You didn’t know what else to say. ‘I had a shitty day and you almost gave me a panic attack’ didn’t sound appropriate. It would be truthful, but you couldn’t do that to him.

Where are you?

At my parents’.

He didn’t reply anymore so you locked the device and rested your head on the arm of the couch.

What a fucking day. If your week would be half as exhausting, you were ready to give up on the entire month in advance.

Remembering you were meant to ask if Mary Jane was okay, you unlocked your cellphone again.

As you finished typing your message to Gwen, one from Peter came through.

Can you come out for a few minutes?

Yeah. Give me a moment.

You took a deep breath, fixing your outfit as you slipped your phone into your pocket. You rounded the couch as you attempted to take the path towards the front door.

“Where are you going?” your sister asked.

“Outside. I need to give something to Peter.”

“Don’t take too long,” your dad told you.

You said a meek yes as if you were going to listen to him when you needed to inspect Peter from head to toe just to make sure he was truly okay.

You couldn’t bring yourself to speak as Peter slowly approached you. To his credit, he looked fine so he hadn’t lied.

He spoke first, as he should have, “Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad,” you mumbled.

He gave you a look.

Clearing your throat, you opened your arms only to slap your hands against your thighs in defeat. “You had me worried sick.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“Are you going to tell me where were you?”

“I can’t.”

You scoffed. “So I have to cover for you without even knowing what the hell I’m covering?”

He whispered your name, placing his hand on your cheek as he tried to make you look at him.

You closed your eyes. “I don’t mind lying for you,” you softly said, meaning it like you had never meant anything else in your entire life. “But don’t I deserve to know why I’m lying?”

He brought you onto his chest, holding you tight against him. “You do deserve to know,” he admitted. “And I’ll tell you everything, but not tonight.”

You were scared to ask why.

════════════════════════

Peter draped his arm over your shoulder, holding you close to him as the two of you stood with your group of friends.

You hadn’t been in that place in a long time but still remembered where every room was. You also knew in which one Harry would fuck Liz at the end of the night.

You took a sip of alcohol. It didn’t taste like much — a bad sign.

Your eyes fell on the beer pong table. A guy you didn’t recognize and Harry were playing against Mary Jane and Flash. That was a bad sign too.

“I’m gonna refill my cup,” you whispered in Peter’s ear, “do you want me to refill yours?”

He shook his head. “I’ve still got plenty.”

It took you a moment to move and he didn’t make a sign to having found it weird.

The kitchen was quieter, not by much but the change was nice. Something you had always disliked about Harry was his taste in music.

You crashed against a thin body.

Liz took you by the waist and you awkwardly placed your hand on her hip, each of you steadying the other. “Sorry,” both of you apologized at the same time.

“I was distracted,” you insisted.

She took her hands off you and you did the same. Liz extended her hand so she could refill your cup for you.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said as she refilled your cup. “Harry thought you wouldn’t come.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “You know how he is.”

You didn’t. Not anymore. You took your cup from her, thanking her before bringing it to your lips.

“Well, we’re all here,” you said in pretended optimism. “And we’re all having fun.”

She smiled, looking as pretty as ever. “Damn right we are!”

You went back to Peter while Liz took off to talk to some of her friends. Once again, he threw his arm over your shoulders, hand almost brushing your chest as it dangled.

Mary Jane was back, bored of playing. Flash asked Peter to team up with him. Peter removed his arm from you, telling you he’d be back.

You focused on Peter as he rolled his sleeves on his way to the table.

Feeling something move in your pocket, you took your cellphone out. Your dad was calling.

“I need to take this call,” you told your friends.

The air was cold in comparison to the inside of the house. You let your dad call again and answered the phone, already expecting some kind of bad news.

To his credit, he sounded disappointed while telling you the plans the family had made for the next day were cancelled. He said your mom was upset.

As a child you often heard excuses for his absence. He was busy, his success depended on sacrifices, he tried his best so you and your sister could have everything you wanted.

Harry always told you to be grateful that you had loving parents. You weren’t sure you had the same definition of love.

You still assured your dad you weren’t angry and promised to spend the day with your mom and sister. His silence as an answer to your offer was a reminder that he didn’t believe you were capable of fixing meaningful problems.

You didn’t show how much it hurt you, there was no point. He meant well, your mom and sister did too.

Leaving the party sounded appealing, but your friends didn’t deserve it. You sucked it up and went back to the house.

Peter and Flash were bumping fists when you approached the area. They had won the game.

You went directly to the couch, not in the mood for dancing. Peter walked towards you, fixing his hair.

Sitting down, he twisted his upper body. “Is everything okay?”

“My dad just cancelled tomorrow’s family plans and said mom’s kinda upset.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“Neither am I.” You changed the subject, “I’m surprised you won that game, though.”

“You don’t have faith in me?”

You swiped your tongue across your bottom lip. “I never said that. But you have to admit you’ve never been one for taking part in games. Last time I saw you play something, you got your ass handed to you by Flash.” Twisting your mouth, you tilted your head. He looked down. “You’ve never played sports, right?”

He didn’t answer.

You insisted, “Right?”

He hummed, nodding at the same time as though it made any sense.

“Were you even listening?”

“No,” he quickly admitted. “Can I kiss you?”

Oh. He had been looking down at your mouth.

He caught you off guard. You couldn’t say no, though, you didn’t want to say no. “Yes,” you answered him.

He started slow and sweet, with his hand on your cheek as the other rested on his lap. You didn’t know what to do with your hands, so you just closed your eyes and kissed him back, following his rhythm.

He slowly build the kiss up, sucking your bottom lip between his. Gripping the front of his sweatshirt, you boldly bit down his bottom lip in return.

Peter wrapped his free arm around you then he brought you closer, flush against him. His tongue tried to pry your mouth open in the exact moment you were about to do the same. Your tongues clashed together and instead of turning it all awkward, it only prompted you to grab him by the hair.

Peter hummed on your mouth and continued kissing you. Now he had both hands on your body, holding you tightly by the waist.

Maybe you could take him to another room, maybe you could feel his hands on you without the burden of your clothes.

His vice grip on you made you feel like floating and you suddenly wondered why you hadn’t made out with Peter before. It didn’t have to be anything serious, it didn’t have to go past messing around.

He was attractive, so were you. Why hadn’t you seen it before? Why had you denied yourself this when he was so good at kissing and his touch was so rough you were sure he would leave marks? And you wanted him to do it, you wanted him to let himself loose on you.

Fuck, you were getting horny over your fake boyfriend.

And as if he knew exactly what was going on inside your hazy mind, he attached his lips to your neck. It was over, you were done — it would be a failure if you didn’t manage to take him to a private room or back to your apartment.

Resting a hand on his thigh as you pushed yourself over, you felt the vibration of his throat as he whimpered while you kissed him.

Something buzzed under your hand, prompting both of you to part. Panting, you stared at each other for a moment. His hair was a mess and he had never looked prettier.

He withdrew a hand from your body to take his cellphone out. You knew the mood had completely been killed when he sighed and locked the device.

“I need to do something,” he announced as he stood up. “I’ll be back.”

What? You didn’t have a chance to react, he just left you there, hot and bothered.

════════════════════════

You padded your way toward the kitchen for the second time since you had gone to bed. Sleep wasn’t necessarily elusive that night, but you found yourself waking up every hour.

Turning the lights on, you looked at the time. Almost 4:00 am. You filled a glass with water and slowly drank it.

You knew the tough day you had with your family was still doing a number on you even though you had left early, you also knew you should have been used to it by now.

Tapping against glass took you out of your mind, bringing you goosebumps. As the sound continued, you realized it was coming from the living room.

You considered going back to your room and locking yourself up which sounded safer, but curiosity overpowered logic.

A figure loomed over the windowpane. You wondered if your mind was tricking you — you lived in the fifth floor.

The figure became clearer as you got closer to the window. You let out a relieved sigh. Spider-Man waved. You tilted your head — why would Spider-Man want to visit you?

Maybe he was hurt and needed help.

You opened the window. “Can I help you?”

He nodded upward, letting you know he needed to come in. You let him, moving to the side.

He took the liberty to close the window once he was inside. You stood before him, assuming he would verbally tell you what he needed.

He wasn’t hurt from what you could see. He walked just fine, his breath wasn’t ragged... You were more confused now.

Reaching to the back of his head, Spider-Man took the mask off. Brown eyes bore into yours.

“You wanted to know what I was hiding...” Peter trailed off.

“You’re joking.”

He stepped closer to you. “I’m not.”

He had to. His sense of humor wouldn’t match a joke like this, but he had to.

The suit didn’t look like a cheap costume, but there had to be another explanation. Yes, it made sense — every time he disappeared out of nowhere and worried you sick, those days he sported black eyes or cuts on his face... but you didn’t want this to be the truth.

You dragged your finger down his arm to feel the texture of the suit.

Peter took a deep breath.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

“It’s okay, baby,” he huskily said. When he got no answer, Peter added, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to call you baby.”

You inhaled deeply. “I get it, you’re getting used to it.”

He hummed, eyes on you as he sighed.

You placed your hand on his bicep. “Are you okay, Pete? I’m not going to tell anybody if that’s what worries you.”

His hands found their place on your waist. You leaned closer, seeking his warmth. Peter opened his mouth to say something, then decided against it.

He leaned in and kissed you, tentative as he gave you time to push him off you. But you didn’t, why would you?

You ran your hand through his hair as you kissed him back, already familiar with the shape of his lips and the warmth of his mouth.

He pushed you onto the wall as he shoved his tongue inside your mouth. His kiss became sloppy while his hands started wandering down.

He gripped your thighs, bringing your legs up so you’d wrap them around his waist. Both of you ground against the other, sloppily kissing. You could hear the sound your mouths were making and feel his hot breath on your face.

He was driving you crazy.

Peter didn’t stop there. Giving you room to breathe, he lowered his mouth to your neck where he took his time to find your sweet spot.

You felt his fingers up your thigh, where he played with the edge of your sleeping shorts.

He kissed, sucked, and licked his way up to your ear. “Is this okay?”

You hummed against his mouth before kissing him again pawing at his suit, desperate to feel his skin under your fingertips. Frustrated, you broke the kiss. “How do you even take this thing off?”

He chuckled and gave you another kiss. “I’ll teach you.”

“Are you gonna strip for me?” you joked. Why were you making jokes right now?

Peter tilted his head. “Is that what you want?”

The idea wasn’t bad at all, yet you answered truthfully, “I just want to touch you.”

He didn’t deny you anything that morning. You couldn’t remember the last time you enjoyed yourself that much with a sexual partner.

You didn’t leave an inch of his body untouched, relishing in his reactions. He wasn’t ashamed to tell you if he liked something, or to ask you to touch him firmly.

Peter didn’t hold back either. All he wanted was you and you weren’t complaining. He gripped you tightly and sucked on your skin as much as he was able to.

There would be bruises on you by the next day, and there would be scratches on him if his powers didn’t heal him quickly.

You liked this side of him, the side that fucked you into the mattress and groaned above you. He wasn’t scared of breaking you or hurting you — for a moment you wondered how it would feel if he did it.

He came on your belly then cleaned you up afterwards which was more than appreciated. You weren’t even sure you could speak properly when he asked if you needed water.

He brought you a glass either way, of course he did.

The sun was up when you were done, too tired to move and too spent to complain. Peter was back on the bed, warm body pressed against yours.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No,” you tiredly answered. “I’m good.”

He held you tighter, laying his head on your chest.

You lazily dragged your fingers down his spine. “Is everything okay?”

“It was a long night,” he told you in a low voice.

You chose to believe he had visited because he thought you could provide him comfort, and you also decided that you always could — that you were okay with doing so. Even if most things about your relationship were fake, this one didn’t have to be.

════════════════════════

Peter and you never talked about it, and although you would have liked to hear the reasons behind his actions that night, you didn’t need to because it continued happening.

Having sex made pretending easier. He always had an arm around you or a hand on your body around your friends and by now you not only were used to his touch but sought it.

You often woke up next to him, sometimes clothed and sometimes naked. He always woke up before you, but he never left immediately. You wanted to know why.

Flash had been right to assume you’d develop a crush on Peter and now you had a sinking feeling that it wasn’t just a crush anymore.

You worried about him and wanted to be around him every second of every day, you liked hearing him tell you about his classes and his day — you liked that he always asked about yours, that he was willing to drop things for you because you would drop everything to be there for him.

Covering for him became a reflex. You had an inkling that May knew you were lying sometimes, but she never said anything according to Peter.

Your friends were happy with the development of your relationship which would have been lovely if this was real. But now you worried that the supposed breakup would disrupt your friend group.

It was hard not to think about it. The day would surely come and you’d be by yourself most of the time again. As if that was the only problem.

And problems continued rolling onto you. The last person you expected to see was at your door.

Harry gave you a smoldering look as you stood speechless. “Are you letting me in?”

You did.

He sat down on the couch, making himself at home even though he had barely visited your apartment.

“I thought you were sick,” he said in reference to the fact that you cancelled plans with your friends the day before.

“I was busy.”

Disgust contorted his face as his eyes fell on your neck. “Busy fucking my best friend?”

You flinched at his tone.

“I should’ve known you were only spending time with him because you wanted to get him into your bed.”

He said it as though you were the type of person to fuck anybody you met, as though you hadn’t rejected people because they weren’t him specifically.

“Believe it or not,” you coldly lied, “I started dating him months and not days before your birthday. You would’ve known about it if you talked to me.”

“Rubbing it on my face, aren’t you? Do you know how embarrassing it was to hear you were making out with him at my house after I told my friends multiple times that you were off limits?” He was seething, expelling droplets of saliva as he reproached you.

“Why would you do that in the first place? You knew I’d end up dating somebody who goes to the same school as us.”

“Why would you go for my best friend specifically? Don’t you care about my relationship with him?”

“Is this what our friendship has come to be? A reproaching fest?”

“You’re the one who crossed the line.”

“Harry, you didn’t have a problem when half our friend group drooled over him!”

“Because that’s different. I know Peter, he’s not right for you.”

You incredulously scoffed. “Funny how you’re the only one who says that.”

“I’ve never been wrong about the guys you’ve dated.”

Well, you couldn’t argue against that. But Flash was right, those guys hadn’t been the problem — the fact that you compared them to Harry was.

“Let time prove either of us right.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“What?”

“You promised nobody would ever be more important than me.”

You both promised a lot of things as kids... that you would never bring dates to an event you could attend together, that you would attend the same college, that you would be part of the same friend group your entire lives, that you would tell each other everything...

“I’m not saying Pete is more important than you, I’m j—“

“Break up with him, then.”

“You’re making it sound like I have to choose between you and him.”

“Because you have to.” When he didn’t get an answer, he added. “I’ll give you time to think it through.”

You wanted to do anything but think. You wanted to have your best friend back — you didn’t care if he was jealous anymore, you never should have. You weren’t Liz, it was okay, he liked her and you liked somebody else.

“Harry, come on...”

But Harry walked himself out and forced your words to die in your throat.

You never thought he would be as angry as you wanted him to be. You got your anger and your jealousy and your dilemma. He had it all clear, you were the idiot who had to get into this mess.

A shower and a portion of your comfort food later, you decided that you couldn’t be inside your head right now and left your apartment.

It was drizzling. Such a perfect weather to be inside doing everything or nothing alike.

You loved being by yourself at your place. The plan for the day had been just that. But as always, Harry made you change them.

Chastising yourself for forgetting your phone at home, you knocked on the door in front of you.

The door opened and you were greeted with a smile.

You wished you could’ve smiled back. “Hi, May, is Peter home?”

She motioned for you to come in. “He’s in his room. Do you want something to drink?”

“Not now, thank you.”

You knocked on his door, hoping he would answer before May could tell something was wrong with you.

Peter yelled for you to come in. You were an idiot, he probably had heard you talking to his aunt.

Pushing the door open, you stuck your head in. “It’s me,” you softly said just to make sure you had his permission to come in.

“Come in, baby.”

God, not that pet name. Not now.

You closed the door behind you before facing him. He was sat at his desk, writing something down on a notebook as he looked at the computer screen.

Approaching him, you leaned in to see what he was doing. You didn’t understand much of it, science was his thing.

He rotated the chair to face you. “What’s up? You didn’t text me...”

“Forgot my phone at home.”

Peter frowned and dropped his pen on top of the notebook before standing up to move towards his bed. “Are you alright?”

Did you look that bad? You weren’t wearing makeup, but he had seen your bare face plenty of times to be weirded out.

“Can I have a hug?”

Now sat on the bed, Peter opened his arms and legs so you’d make yourself at home between them.

And you did. You hugged yourself to him as tightly as you could, afraid he would let go at any moment.

He didn’t let go, you should have known he wouldn’t — your mind was playing tricks with you, that was it.

“What happened? Why are you upset?”

You didn’t have the heart to tell him. Not yet, not when you were scared he would cut you off from his life just because Harry thought it was for the best.

“Had a long day yesterday and didn’t want to be alone today,” you mumbled.

“Why don’t we watch a movie?” he offered. “I’ll let you pick which one we watch while I go get some snacks.”

You whined. “I don’t wanna move.”

“It’s just like ten minutes. We’ll cuddle the entire runtime.”

“You promise?”

He kissed your forehead. “I promise.”

It amazed you how easy it was to trust him, to like him, to want to be with him no matter the moment or the activity.

It took you longer to pick a movie than it took him to come back. You didn’t want any snacks, but you still took them because you didn’t want him to worry too much.

You would worry on your own later.

Peter hugged you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder. His hands rested on your belly as he watched the movie, giving you butterflies every time he laughed against your skin.

How were you supposed to give this up when it felt so good?

════════════════════════

Mary Jane sat across from you, playing with the glass between her hands. She was listening to you, but by the way she was tapping her fingers against the glass, she was dying to interrupt.

You went on and on because you still couldn’t believe Harry would make you choose between him and somebody else. It didn’t even make sense when he had thrown you and Peter to the side when he started dating Liz.

When her time came, Mary Jane spoke, “You shouldn’t care about what Harry says.”

“I care more about the fact that I ran to Peter like a fucking idiot.”

“He’s your boyfriend.”

You knew she was trying to be the voice of reason, but no, he wasn’t. That made it worse. “But doesn’t it make it look like I already chose?”

“Kinda,” she conceded. “But that’s not a bad thing necessarily.”

“Harry and I grew up together.”

“And Peter fucks you stupid. They have different roles in your life.”

You remained silent. Your cup was already empty and you didn’t need more caffeine. In fact, a soothing tea would have been a better choice — you needed to drive after this once your sister was done with her friends.

“Do you still like Harry or something? I will kill you if you say yes.”

You got that from her tone, she didn’t have to tell you. “I don’t know.”

“But you like Peter more... Right?”

“Yeah, I do.” Maybe liking was selling it short at this point.

Peter didn’t make you choose, and if anything between you were real he wouldn’t make you choose either. You were so sure that you would’ve bet your own life on it.

That fact was a problem. Why couldn’t Harry be like Peter?

“Maybe I need another opinion,” you mused out loud.

“Gwen will tell you the same.”

“What about Flash? Maybe if he had all the details...”

“Flash will try to convince you to kill Harry in his sleep.”

“You think so?” Of course he would, but you were desperate.

“He’s team Peter all the way. Honestly, I would think they have something going on if Peter wasn’t so into you.”

You avoided looking at her. “What should I do?”

“What do you want?”

“Just... I don’t know. About what? From what?”

“Do you want to choose?”

“No.”

“You could choose neither of them.”

“But—“ You shook your head.

“No, say it.”

“I can’t.”

Mary Jane wouldn’t pressure you to talk, she wasn’t that kind of person.

“At least tell Peter about it before Harry does,” she advised.

“I’ll tell him once I’m done here.”

It was late when your sister met you at your table. Mary Jane had left two hours earlier and you had even entertained yourself looking around a few stores and come back.

You drove in silence, allowing her to talk if she wanted to. Maybe asking something would’ve been better, but you didn’t have the energy to find out who your sister was dating or why she had decided to hide it.

Enough was already on your plate, and you needed to trust her, unlike your parents.

Stopping the car, you waited for her to get inside. Your mom hurried outside the moment she opened the door and walked towards your car.

She made you a sign with her hand, asking you to roll the window down.

With a sigh, you indulged her.

“Dinner tomorrow,” she drily told you. “You should bring Peter, I think it’s time your dad meets him.”

“Mom, I’m not marrying him or something like that.”

“I don’t care. Bring him.”

Great. Another fucking problem you had to deal with now. Your dad had always been clear on the type of person he wanted for you and Peter was not it. A shame, really.

“I’ll ask if he isn’t busy,” you compromised.

She looked happy with that. Your mom wished you a good night and turned around. You watched her get inside the house, wondering if she truly wanted you there the next day or not. You never knew with her.

You didn’t get to talk to Peter that night. Instead of telling him you wanted to see him so you could talk in person, you told him your parents wanted to have dinner with him.

Peter said yes immediately and asked about the dress code. God, you didn’t even want to think about clothes.

And with good reason — it wasn’t fair that everything suited him. There was no color or style Peter couldn’t pull off.

But it was probably for the best, he’d make a good impression that way.

You wanted your dad to like him and your sister to trust him and your mom to laugh at his lame jokes. You wanted them to see the person you desperately wanted to be in your life until your last day alive.

Truthfully, you didn’t care if he had feelings for you like you did for him. You enjoyed being around him, his friendship was enough.

The surprise the two of you got when Norman and Harry stood up to greet you was extremely hard to hide.

Norman gave you and Peter a warm smile. “I told Harry to bring his girlfriend, but he didn’t listen to me.”

You shifted on your feet, using Peter as leverage to ground yourself by squeezing his fingers between yours.

Your mom smiled tightly. “Next time it will be.”

Much like Flash did with you, Norman talked wonders about Peter to your parents.

You avoided looking at Harry with the pretense of being polite by gazing at whoever was speaking. Such gesture didn’t sit well with him and he showed it by standing up and walking towards you.

Harry inhaled deeply. “Can we talk in private?”

Unconsciously, you turned to look at Peter. He patted your thigh in encouragement.

“Sure,” you feigned enthusiasm.

You walked across the house in silence, wishing he would tell you to forget about what he said before.

Harry stared at you as you looked around the backyard. Not only were you avoiding speaking first, but you were confused as to when the lighting fixtures had been changed.

The spot you were awkwardly standing at had witnessed many secrets being exchanged between you. Perhaps it would be witness and accomplice of your fallout too.

“So you’ve made your choice.”

“Harry...”

His furious eyes bored into yours. “Why the fuck did you bring him?”

“I wanted to,” you confessed. “Mom told me I should and I agreed.”

“We never bring dates tho dinners like these. We promised,” he reminded you.

“He’s not just a date, this is different.”

“I didn’t invite Liz because I keep my promises.”

“You didn’t invite Liz because you didn’t want to.” You hated that he couldn’t own up to his mistakes with her when he loved her so much. “Stop holding a stupid promise I made when I was six against me.”

“You wouldn’t have liked it if I brought her here while you were single.”

“You stopped talking to me the moment you started dating her. I would’ve expected it.”

“So you went and tricked my best friend into a relationship.”

Was that he thought about you? That you manipulated or forced people to be around you?

“Your best friend? You barely talk to him anymore, Harry. And don’t you dare tell me it’s Liz’s fault.”

He ignored your first comment. “Now I will get in trouble with her for not taking her here if she sees pictures.”

“Call her and tell her the truth. Or blame me, I don’t care.”

“It is your fault,” he bitingly said, “you brought him to something special for us.”

“I didn’t even know you’d be here! And honestly, you should be happy for me.”

“I would be if he wasn’t my best friend.”

“Again with that...” You sighed, hoping you could find the right words. “I don’t want to choose, Harry, and it fucking hurts that you from all people are putting me in this situation God knows why.”

“I’ve told you before, it’s because Peter is—“

You interrupted him, “Peter being your best friend doesn’t matter, he’s not going to drop you like you dropped us.”

“I know I dropped you for a while, but Liz needed my attention.”

You didn’t blame him for focusing more on her, or for wanting to spend most of his time with her, but you knew for a fact that Liz made time for her friends; Harry could’ve done the same.

You started tearing up There was the problem, Harry couldn’t make time for you or Peter or Gwen even when he was free.

Harry stammered, but not a single word came out of his mouth after that. It only made you cry harder. Did he not care even a little bit?

“I’ll give you a moment alone,” he finally mumbled.

You walked further down the backyard, cursing yourself for crying and for wearing uncomfortable shoes. You were supposed to look pretty and taller, not to ruin your makeup and walk around furniture and plants.

You sat on the couch before deciding to lay down on your side. You used to do that when you were a kid too. You’d wait for the pool to be ready in that position and you would lay on your back when you wanted your mom to ask if something was wrong.

Right now, you weren’t sure what you wanted. You definitely didn’t want to talk to whoever the approaching steps belonged to.

You still looked up as a figure stood before you.

Peter crouched down and reached over to wipe your tears. The gesture made more tears come out.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, placing a hand on your waist and slipping his other hand to your back to make you sit up. He sat down beside you. “Come here.”

Peter brought you closer, making you rest your head on his shoulder.

“I don’t understand why he’s making me choose between you and him,” you lamented.

“He is?”

Fuck. You had assumed Harry had told him and that was why he was there. “I didn’t know how to tell you...”

Humming, he rubbed your arm up and down. “You can tell him the truth if you want.”

You lifted your head off his shoulder, searching for his eyes. He didn’t seem to mean it in a bad way. You shook your head.

“Are you sure? I can tell him if you want.”

“It would be pointless.”

“I don’t like seeing you cry.”

“We should change the subject then.”

“I didn’t mean it that way. I just...” Peter pursed his lips, second-guessing his next words. “It pains me to see you upset.”

“Peter,” you pleaded, “don’t do this to me.”

“Don’t do what?”

“You’re making everything more difficult than it already was.”

He slanted his head, taken aback. “Because I care about you?”

“Because I think I’m in love with you.”

Peter blinked rapidly before his eyes started dancing all over your face as though he was waiting for you to say something else.

But you didn’t have much to say anymore. All your cards were on the table. Although you had to admit his lack of response would drive you insane if he continued looking at you like that.

“You don’t have to say anything,” you lied. “I’m okay with being just friends. I just thought you should know.”

“No, no, no.” He shook his head, taking himself out of his self-absorption. “I feel the same, I promise! But... I don’t want to ruin your friendship with Harry.”

“So you’re making me choose too?”

“No. I just don’t want you to regret being in a real relationship with me because you lost your best friend.”

“It wouldn’t be your fault.”

“Yeah, you’re right...” Peter looked up at the sky and huffed a laugh.

You mirrored his movement. The sky was clear, allowing you the privilege to gaze at the stars.

“Remember that night I walked you to your place and we stopped in the middle of the street to look at the stars?”

You giggled. You had been on the verge of crying that night after Harry ditched you for Liz if it hadn’t been because Gwen distracted you. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Should I have kissed you that night?”

You weren’t sure, it was hard to know if you would’ve kissed back or not. You wanted to believe you wouldn’t have, but who knew. “Does it matter?”

“No.” Peter twisted his body and cupped your cheek so you’d look at him. You softly smiled at him and he gave you a small kiss. “Not anymore.”