#i hope this makes sense to non sleep deprived people

[astolfofo]

…I had a thought about the halovians(specifically sunday) and want to know peoples opinions. do u think he has nesting instincts? :3 thank u for listening to my ted talk.

hi (i did say i was gonna answer this 2 weeks ago unfortunately I forgot i'm so sorry.) But anyways, thank you for your ask, and 100% he does.

tw: non-con, forced pregnancy, dark content. truly the unedited sleep deprived trying to write.

Okay i finished writing this i know you didn't ask for acutal writing but i went ahead and did it anyways because why not hope u don't mind

also excuse the fact that thus was posted at 4am and I was half falling asleep already while writing this.

There were three days in your life that you could have called the worst.

The first one was the day when Sunday took your life away from you, and claimed you to be his "wife". The second was when first time he chose to be intimate. The third was when you got pregnant as a result.

Nothing had ever stuck to you like the day after that. You felt like washing the sheets until your hands would bleed. You wanted to submerge yourself in bleach until every fiber of your body burned, shriveled up, and died.

You wanted to forget that it happened. That the events in the previous night ever happened at all.

But the soreness between your legs was a constant reminder. And even though the pain went away after a few days, it was replaced by something much worse. Something you feared.

You saw the signs from the second you got them. Your body felt heavy. You were constantly tired. You had lost interest in eating. It was obvious what was going on.

And for a few days, you tried to hide it. The longer Sunday didn't know, the better it was for you. That way, you could slowly while away your last few moments in peace before everything was taken from you in entirety.

After a few weeks, you couldn't hide it anymore. You remember staring at the double line on the pregnancy test.

You almost instantly broke down into tears. It wasn't anything that you hadn't already know n, but maybe part of you still just believed you were ill, that maybe there was another reason why you had missed your period that month. That the pain you kept experiencing was just from some kind of illness.

The last thing you could keep away from Sunday was taken away from you that day. The sense of freedom you could've had.

To Sunday, you suppose this was the final step he needed to take to bind you to him. Another way to control you. Another way to keep you in his arms, and make sure you wouldn't let go.

And if you didn't want to get murdered by the press, if you didn't want to further sabotage both your own and Sunday's public image, you knew to take it.

You had no choice but to take it. You were no more than an insect trapped under his thumb.

-

out of the two of you, there was only one person that was particularly enthusiastic about having a child.

It certainly wasn't you.

Ever since you had first found out about the pregnancy, you had felt empty. As if someone directly sucked the soul out of your body.

You weren't yourself anymore. You hadn't been for a long time.

Sunday didn't seem too bothered by it though.

You weren't sure if it was just his own parental instincts, or whether he could tell that it was almost time for you go into labour. Maybe it was a combination of both. You didn't care. You couldn't care less.

All you knew was that his presence was suffocating. Overbearing. Invasive, even.

You couldn't do anything by yourself. Sunday felt the need to assist you with everything you did. Even basic tasks such as grabbing an object, he insisted that he would get for you.

But what set you off the most, was his intense urge to keep the house in order. You had never seen him having such intense urges to organize a room even when just the slightest thing was out of order. He couldn't stand seeing the slightest speck of dust, he couldn't stand seeing the furniture just an inch out of place.

It drove you to madness.

If you had even slightly misplaced something Sunday you would notice Sunday getting slightly agitated.

From the moment he came home, to the moment he would fall asleep, he spent every waking second making sure the house was perfectly in order, before obsessing over you. At some point you just wanted to wave him off. Lock yourself in the bathroom and sleep for a long period of time, until you had no concept of reality anymore.

You didn't have it in you to keep going. week after week, month after month, Sunday's final goal had always to perfect you into an obedient wife that would do as they were told. And no matter how you tried to fight it... you were always forced back into obedience.

There's two cold fingers touching your chin, and lifting your face up, until you're forced to meet a pair of eyes.

They're bright. Everytime you see them, you can't help but try to look away. They were as bright as the sun, and just like the sun, you felt as if you were going to be blinded jfyou looked at them for too long. You guess it could've also been a sentiment to the power he held over you too.

"Dear, did you hear a word I just said?"

It's an obvious answer. But, you know better by now just to answer the question. You slightly shake your head, which supposedly satisfied him enough, to let go of the fi gers holding your head up.

He sighs, you're not sure in annoyance or in disappointment.

"If you keep acting like this, I'm going to need to resort to drastic measures..."

You look at him one more time. You remember how when you first saw him, you thought of him to be beautiful. To be almost ethereal.

You regret falling into that hypnosis. You regret looking at him at all.

Look at where it got you.

[whumporama]

I'm always afraid that when I search for kidnapping whump, I'm gonna get NSFW. So can you tell me some good ideas that are SFW?

A.k.a nothing sexual at all?

Personally, I tend to use branding a whumpee with a personal insult or demeaning word or a symbol of whumper as a trope thanks to a roleplay I did awhile back.

But I always look for new ideas!

Sure! Let's see...

I think at first it also depends on why the kidnapping happened in the first place. What is the goal of the kidnapper? Is it just for sadistic fun? Are they obsessed with Whumpee? Do they need information? Because their reason can change how they act.

Like someone who kidnapped Whumpee because they 'love' them might be more physiological in their torment, or more careful to not permanently damage them.

But that aside, here are some ideas that might help you!

Non-physical

Blindfold your Whumpee, and leave them alone for a while. They're already in a high stress situation, and now they lost one of their senses. By just leaving them be, they'll stress themselves out. They have no idea what's going to happen, where Whumper is, or if someone is watching them. (Also works a few days in, changing the dynamics.)

Just good old restraints. They're pretty obvious but do you know how terrifying it is to actually lose all that control? The Whumper doesn't even need to physically hurt them for this to be super intense. Just brushing someone's shoulder when they don't want it but can't stop it is already a really harsh reality check.

Force them to make a statement in front of a camera, reading a note with demands for their release. Especially nice when Whumpee is very proud, and is now reduced to this.

Let them know how much Whumper knows about them and their lives. Casually drop the names of people they care about, and what might happen should Whumpee not cooperate. Or tell them they're dead, even if that's true or not.

Fake execution. Make it seem real until the very end.

Physical-ish

Stress positions! Just tying them up and leaving them alone. Always great.

Starvation/dehydration. Whumpee can be as strong as they want, but they still need food and water.

Play with temperature. Have them be way too cold, or far too hot. And offer no relief.

Oversimulation. Just constant loud noise, or a constant drip of water on their face, constant flashing lights, not giving them a break and no way to escape it.

Sleep deprivation. Every time they might fall asleep, stop them. See how quickly they'll be begging.

Drugging. So many options! Let them lose full control? Make them oversensitive? Have them be half awake but weak? Make them sick?

Poisoning. Make them hurt with no escape. It's not deadly, but they'll suffer.

Physical

There are so many options, but here's some.

Chocking them. Make them almost pass out and release. Then repeat.

Electrocution. Just constant shocks, strong or weak, but ongoing and no breaks.

Cutting/slashing/stabbing. Good old knifes.

Beatings. They're painful, also after the fact. Make the Whumpee feel vulnerable!

Burning them

Waterboarding

Breaking their bones (fingers one by one?)

Whipping or lashing

Removing nails/teeth

Pour salt in their open wounds for extra effect

And there is of course much more, but I'll leave it here now! Hope this helps some!

[immeasurablesaladagere]

hiya!!!! can u write about autistic regressor house going non verbal when upset and how wilson deals with it

- @tummy-rubs-for-wilson-pup

Order up! Also a little headcanon to go with even if it doesn't come up in the fic, but I feel like Wilson attempted to teach him baby-sign for non-verbal episodes but House just refused to learn it and took it as an excuse to learn as many inappropriate signs as possible to use while regressed.

-----

Word Count: 950

Summery: Wilson is paged down to House's office by the ducklings to find that House has barricaded himself inside. Two sleepless days have triggered a meltdown and a non-verbal episode and Wilson helps him calm down.

-----

Wilson was just filing his last batch of paperwork for the night when his pager went off, because of course it would. Who really wants to leave work on time? Not him, no sir. Even worse, he was being paged to House’s office, which meant a case, which meant he might not be getting home that night at all. Excellent. 

It was best not to keep House waiting, so off to his office we went. But as he came down the hallway he paused. Standing outside of House’s door lost and confused were Cameron, Chase, and Foreman. It was at times like this that House’s nickname “ducklings” made sense. They really did look aimless without him.

“I was paged?” He asked, and all three looked some form of relieved.

“Perfect. House is in his office and won’t talk to us, we were hoping you could figure out what was going on.” Cameron explained, looking over her shoulder into the shuttered window of the office.

“Okay? That sounds like typical House behaviour, what makes this special?” It wasn’t exactly uncommon for House to shut himself away from people for extended periods of time. Sure, at work it might be a bit more socially inconvenient, but House had never been one to care about that. 

“Well he ran out in the middle of a DDX for one,” Chase chimed in, and that was concerning. “And then when I tried to check on him he pitched his tennis ball at me. I think he’s hiding under his desk.”

Why hadn’t they led with that? Now that they were standing here, it was blatantly clear how tired the three of them were. Their eyes were tired, postures slouched, and Cameron was even rubbing her eyes. “Out of curiosity, when was the last time you all went home?”

“Two days.” Foreman answered flatly.

Wilson sighed. And knowing House, he’d probably been there longer. “Okay. Why don’t you guys go home, get some sleep. I’ll deal with House.”

“Thanks, Wilson.” Cameron said, and the ducklings left down the hall for what what Wilson hoped would be a restful night’s sleep.

He tapped gently on the glass door. “House? Can I come in?”

He didn’t get a response, but he wasn’t expecting one. If House was sleep-deprived, had fled from a meeting and was hiding under his desk like Chase said, then Wilson suspected sensory overload, maybe a meltdown. He gently pulled on the handle and to his surprise, the door opened. The office was dark, and thankfully the tennis ball was laying on the ground a few feet away. He just hoped House hadn’t found a better, heavier weapon to ward off unwanted guests.

Sure enough, he could just barely make out the form of one Gregory House huddled under his desk, arms pressed against his head and rocking back and fourth. With his suspicions confirmed, he quietly came closer and pushed aside the desk chair to sit down on the floor. His bones creaked.

“House? It’s Wilson. What do you need from me?” He asked quietly.

House didn’t stop rocking and he didn’t speak, but he did look up. His eyes were wide and unfocused, and the bags underneath them were heavy. But there was something else, too. He nodded slightly.

“What do you need?”

House made a broken groaning sound and rocked a little harder, pressing the heels of his hands against the sides of his head and dragging them up and down his scalp.

Wilson took a guess. “Do you want pressure?”

He got a nod. Carefully, he reached forward and pulled House out from under the desk and held him with his back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around House’s shoulders and squeezed as tightly as he could, and House let out a sigh and slowly relaxed.

He began to lean against him more and more the longer they sat, and eventually he was so still that Wilson thought he had fallen asleep right there, until he felt House’s hand reach for his own and begin to play with his fingers. There it was. 

“…How old are we, House?”

The hand stopped, like he was thinking about it, then gave four gentle taps.

“Thank you for telling me, you did a good job House. The ducklings told me you’ve been here for a couple of days, was it for a case?”

House nodded.

“Well, I think it’s time to go home and get some sleep, hm? You’ve been working hard for a long time.”

A firm head-shake. Of course. 

“What if I told you we could get burgers on the way back? Would that sweeten the deal?” He offered. No amount of reasoning like you’re too tired or you’re too little would make a difference to House, so he went with the next best thing. Bribery.

And just like he expected, House only took a second to think about it before nodding.

“And should we go to McDonalds to get a toy? I hear they have Hot Wheels.”

Like a switch House was suddenly much more eager to get going, wriggling off of his lap and tugging on the sleeve of his shirt as if to say “Then what are we waiting for!?”. 

“Okay, okay! I get it. We have to stop by my office to get my things, then we can—.”

But House was already on his feet, cane in hand and hobbling away before Wilson could even finish his sentence. Wilson chuckled, and his poor old-man bones as he got up to follow. God only knew what chaos a four-year-old House could bring upon the hospital.

“Slow down now, old Wilson can’t keep up with you youngins anymore!”

[pixiecaps]

i hope you're already asleep it's so late for you but on the topic of the finale ending honestly i understand why people are so upset by it, i think it royally sucks, but imo it was created entirely because they really needed some way to wrap things up and i think almost everyone would agree that it shouldn't have and wouldn't have ended that way had things been different and had the server not needed to end so abruptly.

like idk you KNOW i'm a canon compliant guy but for this thing specifically i genuinely don't consider it canon and think it should fully be ignored, and i think basically everyone involved would be fine with that. also honestly in my mind everything purgatory and after is non-canonical in that it shouldn't have happened either and the reset is definitely not canon so that makes it easier for me to ignore it completely. i think what players and admins stated about their characters is canonical within reason and otherwise i don't think any of it matters all that much because of how the server ended. like to me i know the reality is that that is how it ended and we don't have any other ending to go off of but because of the circumstances there's just no way i could consider it canon and i already spend all my time dreaming up ways to rewrite all the shit that happened before then, nevermind a garbage hastily written ending that only wrapped up one plot thread (the eggs) and didn't even do that correctly (it completely retconned so much about the eggs and i know a lot of lore got retconned and changed over time but it's particularly agregious).

idk where i'm going with this insane rant in your inbox i really don't i just wanted to give my thoughts on that ending and how i take it as a fandom creator because i often see people treating it like it was a legitimate ending even though they hated it and i'm like this is fandom!!! we can ignore it entirely!!! in fact many characters' endings explicitly defy that ending, that was just the way to wrap up the idea of the egg event in some way that made sense. i totally get people being upset by it, i was too, but i was also upset by the previous. five months? of stuff so i kind of can't be bothered to be annoyed by this particular thing.

again this is nonsensical i'm just saying i think we should all ignore it and i've been saying that since the day of bc it was just so obviously not the kind of ending that would've been written under different circumstances. let's all make up better endings forever and ever amen.

anyway hi pix if you're reading this in the morning i hope you got beautiful sleep and dreamt of snoopy and roier all night

hiii 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 i was in fact asleep by the time you sent this:3

that was another point i discussed with someone els where yeah it sucked because they had to wrap it up and “tie everything together” so i agree on that. everything with the qsmp ending wouldve been different under different circumstances.

you’re incredibly real for not considering canon up to a certain point where everything got messy. i think since we’re both very canon compliant people you can understand where im coming from with that frustration and being irked by how everything played out. it was going so well and then 📉📉📉. and heres the thing you know how much i love purgatory okay cause i do but god its truly one of those events where it shouldve been explicitly uncanon i feeeeel. so much of the lore it introduced and everything clashed with everything we had already established and not informing the creators of anything was such a poor choice. but anyways you already know the whole rant.

i do appreciate the reminder of its fandom who cares. i live by that i just get Even More emotional when sleep deprived and was like wow fuck everything and this stupid fucking ending so thats why i made those posts kkkkkkkk. but ye GOOD REMINDERS ITS FANDOM ENDINGS ARE OPEN TO REWRITES AND OUR OWN INTERPRETATIONS!!!!!!!

i did get beautiful sleep ty bell<3333 i hope you got beautiful sleep as well<3333

[bug-decal-kissing]

Hey friends!

El caballero y el Mago, by DULname, was updated today, with 6/? Chapters released! It has a rating of General Audiences and No Archive Warnings Apply, with no additional tags :]

You can read it here:

Prismo: wow this forest is so nice and peaceful I sure hope nothing bad happens to me out here-

Scarab:

FINALLY CAUGHT HIM WAHOO but uh oh ! Now people are trying to kill Scarab !! Thus begins their reluctant allyship and maybe even more >:]<

Seraphyllic, by DrakianDH, was updated today, with 15/20 Chapters released! It has a rating of Teen And Up Audiences and Graphic Depictions Of Violence, and Major Character Death, with additional tags "scarab the god auditor - Freeform, prismo the wishmaster - Freeform, Priscrab, ProhibitedWish, Scrabby, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, no beta we get turned to legos like the lich, Adventure & Romance, Story within a Story, Eventual Happy Ending, Maybe - Freeform, Author Is Sleep Deprived, The Author Regrets Nothing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, You gotta work for the comfort, begining poem important, each chapter a word, prepare"

You can read it here:

DARK MEDIEVAL MYSTERY DRAMA CONTENT WAHOOOOO !!!! I agree with Prismo, I think Vermilion and Prismo should kiss maybe :] and surely it will not a reflection of their actual relationship hohohoho of course not/silly. AND PRISMO GETS TO TOUCH THINGS FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE YEAAAAAAAH

That Won't Fly With The Boss, by just_a_somebody, was updated today, with 8/? Chapters released! It has a rating of Teen And Up Audiences and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "Prismo x scarab, ProhibitedWish, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Headcanon, might've given him trauma, please just hear me out - Freeform, what if scarab had wings like scarab beetles are supposed to?, key word had, it makes sense with canon, (to me at least), My first fic, Be nice to me, Post-Canon, and they were ROOMMATES, this can probably be considered as scarab having ptsd, PTSD, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Developing Relationship, scarab needs therapy, This is going to be a long fic, it’s the journey that matters, but I swear I have an ending in mind"

You can read it here:

The comfort part of hurt/comfort is finally here :,] my poor little bug man he needs a kiss and a blanket and also therapy please/lh. LET HIM BE WEAK LET HIM BE SAD </3 and screw orbo all my homies hate orbo/j

Wrath of the Wishmaster, by Void_Ink_Studios, was updated today, with 20/20 Chapters released! It has a rating of Teen And Up Audiences and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "Scarab has identity issues, Orbo is the worst, Prismo gets mad, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Chronic Pain, Scarab has Chronic Pain, Established Relationship, Reminiscing, Backstory, Filling in gaps in the worldbuilding, Worldbuilding, Head cannon nonsense: GO!, Original Character(s), Minor Original Character(s), Implied Sexual Content, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Suicidal Thoughts, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Non-Graphic Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, cosmic gore, is that a thing?, It is now, Happy Ending"

This chapter is also on Tumblr! You can find it here :].

PRISMO WISH YEAH !!!! I love Prismo getting his own wish because he would very much so be afraid to make one after seeing how horrible they can go. But now he can be 3D and WALK and DO THINGS AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY A VERY BITTERSWEET ENDING TO ONE OF MY FAVOURITE WORKS :]

[cyb-by-lang]

Uhhh, so, my take on Tailed Beast!Kei & Human!Isobu

[First of all, I don't usually use this site so I wasn't sure where I could like, send this to you so I hope this was the correct decision xd.]

[[Also, this is a work in progress I guess, cuz they're just some ideas that I got while rereading CYB.]]

[[[Also, also, I was racking my brain thinking of a way for Kakashi to possibly fall in love with a non corporeal, chakra-made entity like Kei and the answer was that Kei and Isobu could "exchange control" of Isobu's body like that one scene with The Dreamer.]]]

One last thing, English is not my first language, is spanish, so if some things don't make a lot of sense it could be either my sleep deprived brain or my Spanish rearing its head when I don't want it to.

Kei would be the Three tails, then.

She would probably bicker as much with Kurama as Isobu does in CYB.

While Isobu has amber eyes, when Kei takes control of the body, the eyes change to rings of black on gold.

Isobu and Kei exchange control kinda frequently, since Isobu wants Kei to experience the outside world more and feels apologetic for the Tailed Beasts getting their freedom removed against their will.

Which means Isobu and Kei scare a lot of people in different power echelons.

Since Isobu changes with Kei a lot, they make a system. Kei gets to control de body when (1) Isobu is too tired of other people's bullshit, (2) when he literally throws the control at Kei when he does something arguably against the law, or (3) he gets too hurt in missions and gets unconscious, letting Kei to do damage control of the situations.

Kakashi probably falls in love with Kei in the little moments that she gets the control, obviously after freaking the fuck out the first time.

Since everything is the same, Isobu would be Gēkko Isobu, teammate of Uchiha Obito and Hatake Kakashi, student of the Fourth.

Isobu would give zero fucks about everyone's opinions except those of his family, Kei and later his teammates and Sensei.

His childhood and life in general would be of a normal human being sans the memories of past lives. Kei would be the reincarnated human in Tailed Beast form, but the thing is she's lived all the time in the Three Tails form since the "birth" from the Ten Tails via Sage of the Six Paths. She couldn't change anything because her memories where spotty at best after the reincarnation (there weren't more that vague feelings of random human knowledge and her warped sense of self, where she knew she recognized herself as a female, and that her personality was a little more "human" than the rest of her siblings) (also, what could a Tailed Beast do in human society in order to change the plot?), so she lived the first centuries like a normal Tailed Beast. Only after getting trapped by the First Hokage and handed to whatever nation it was in canon, is that her memories return at full force.

But even after that, the only thing that would change after having a human body the first time around is her desire to change the plot (since she doesn't want to get brainwashed with Yagura by Tobi, and then getting reincorporated in the Ten Tails), the longing for freedom being doubled, and keeping her little human safe.

Meaning, the Tailed Beast side of her personality takes precedence over her human memories.

She's also... Opinionated.

Cuz even if she gets some human things, she also sees everything through a Beast lense.

Also, live commentary on Isobu's head.

They (Isoby&Kei) probably see each other as something like siblings.

The Fourth (or Third, I can't remember the timeline, help) probably prohibited Isobu of letting Kei take control of his body so easily, but eventually desists since, again, he doesn't give a fuck and "really, Sensei, if Kei wanted to level Konoha to bits she would've done that since getting inside my body. She had the courtesy of holding her chakra back when she was getting slapped in my chest and then when the Control Seal was trying to get a hold of our conscious."

At first the exchange wouldn't be possible since the seal was too tight for it, but with some help (and some threats on the line of "if you don't help me, I'm just going to experiment with myself") they manage.

The first couple of times are really short burst of consciousness since the body wouldn't handle the strain of holding a large being such as a Tailed Beast and something something, chakra exhaustion.

Then it gets easy because something something, compatibility.

Kei has the advantage of already have been a human being before, so the first times she got to control the body after a mission gone wrong and Isobu wanted to rest in their shared space, she tries her best to mimic Isobu's behavior and tics, but the eyes and the fact that her chakra was being concealed the entire time she was fronting gave her away pretty quickly.

Isobu then wakes up in a T&I cell lmao.

Then the incident gets resolved and everyone stops freaking the fuck out.

Overprotective of her siblings. If Kei with only Hayate had overbearing tendencies, with other eight siblings it's worse.

She remembers very clearly the way all of them got caught by the Akatsuki, so one of the first conditions on the deal with Isobu on not destroying Konoha the moment she gets control of the body is making sure all her siblings get a decent treatment by their Jinchuuriki and the village they're in.

Um, that's all I have so far. I really enjoyed this fic, and I sometimes still think about it. 

[em0tionl0rd]

Dear friends,

For anyone who has been a long-time follower or hasn't heard from me in a long time, years even, or has ever wondered/worried about me, this is for you:

The past few years have folded over like an accordion for me. A lot of horrible/terrible things have happened. And my memory is no longer what it used to be. My mind seems to naturally cope with trauma and any negative interactions by locking them away deep within it's confines. Despite this, I always try to stay positive, because I know nobody likes to hear about bad things because it only makes them feel bad. Worse, they feel bad for me, and I don't need need people's sympathy. I just need time to heal, and that's what I have been doing; Taking my time. Previous post on the matter.

It was just One thing after Another, for Years, and my mind's trauma response was to simply cope and continue to endure helplessly instead of push myself away from the situation I was in. You can really see this with my lack of activity on here through my Archive. (not including my art side-blog since I tend to just mass dump whatever art and doodles I've accumulated over there). I was active on Twitter for a bit during Tumblrs downturn, but then Twitter changed. I nuked my art account over there. It's empty. All the posts I made to nobody about my characters and headworld, gone. All because I didn't want my art and ideas stolen and used for Al training.

My main Twitter remains active. I just use it to reblog art now and casually tweet about stuff. Initially I used Twitter to follow content creators, but as my timeline got cluttered, I made alts to follow specific topics. I started using my main to follow news and current issues, and my art account to follow artists and content creators, which I still do, but I retweet to my main only. Then all my art likes stay on my art account and don't comingle with political issues.

I was going to work, and while I would work, I just kept thinking, non-stop. Thinking about all the bad things. Failing to distract myself with my own characters and my story universe. Unintentionally over-sharing with coworkers because at some point in my life I learned how to cope with my anxiety by talking, and talking, and talking.. Unintentionally forming bonds with people I should have never associated with because I felt so desperate for real human interaction other than what I imagined in my head. Something other than my daemons, my conscience, my delusions. The swirling thoughts, the nightmares, the dreams that haunted me just as much as my reality.

Every week, for years, I was experiencing these nightmares. Something would manifest in my room. I could sense it was there. I couldn't escape it. Even if I went to bed and tried my best not to think about it, it would get me. It enjoyed tormenting me.

I started to stay up later and later, fearing laying bed and being prone to this unseen entity. Hoping that depriving myself of sleep would help me fall asleep faster and whisk me away to the sanctity of dreams, but even then, I wasn't safe. If I ever overslept, or didn't do enough to make myself tired before bed, it would find me. If it was merely psychosis, I couldn't tell, because it felt so real.

Eventually, after everything I went through with my ex, things changed for the better, when it came to sleep at least. There was no longer a shadowy presence standing there, grinning at me feet from my bed, or watching me at my desk, waiting for me to go to bed. Instead, there were actual hallucinations. Sleep depravation had taken it's toll on me. My ex had kept me awake many, many nights during my workweek, and forced me to drink with him, or made noise that kept me awake because he would stay up all night.

I distinctly remember watching these long brown withered fingers reaching out of the utility closet in the bedroom while we were both sleeping, and shaking the door violently as if it were trying to get out/in. My eyes were open just enough while I was asleep for this to fully wake me up and scare me. I remember turning over to my ex whimpering and he didn't even care..

Then when he was finally gone (for good), I continued to hallucinate. I had gotten into such a habit of staying up, on top of my uncomfortable sleeping situation due to work related physical pain (among other things), that I started seeing full-body characters dancing in my doorframe. This was completely new to me because before, it was less of a visual hallucination and more like THERE IS A GHOST RIGHT THERE, and now it was more like my eyes were legit not working properly. I just remember staring at my door and seeing all the Digimon characters, full color and everything, dancing and moving around like my eyes were projecting a perfect recreation of them.

I noticed in the past that if I binged a certain amount of content, my eyes would start generating new versions of what I was looking at whenever I closed my eyes. Like my brain could take all this information and create something completely unique and original, which amazed me. For example, whenever I would browse Deviantart and look at character designs or dragons or something, I would close my eyes and every time I closed my eyes I would see a completely new and unique fleshed out design in full color. The downside was that they were usually too detailed for me to do justice in drawing.

I also just see ever-changing generic psychedelic patterns and colorful concentric waves at the edges of my vision. The only time I ever see these properly with my eyes fully open is if I'm staring at the ceiling or the grass or if I press my arm against my eyes. Then there was the one time I was flying out of LA and had taken a 1g thc tab while sleep deprived and noticed a little blob of rainbows in the plane window after take-off. (my ex pushed alcohol and weed on me really hard despite me not wanting anything to do with it bc i don't need it)

So anyway, I had binge watched Digimon Adventure and was now seeing all of the characters in my bedroom door. That was a new one for me. Before I would just stare at the cottage cheese patterned ceiling and try to make out characters in the bumps. I did this my whole life as I had the same ceiling as a kid at my childhood home.

I went back and watched Digimon because I never really got to watch it as a kid and had vague memories of it being overly-dramatic (I was like maybe 4-5) and My Gosh that show goes hard for a kids show. Completely unrelated to my rambling but I wish more kids shows were comfortable tackling such hard-hitting issues, my gosh. Modern media is too soft and probably sets a bad example of reality. (my dad let me watch gory horror movies, rated r flicks, and explicit 90s anime as a kid so who am i to talk)

Before my ex and around the time the nightmares started, I started having surreal auditory hallucinations while half awake. I remember waking up to a small black geometric object floating above my face with blue lines running across it's surface. I was in the thralls of sleep paralysis and felt like it was just floating there above my face watching me. Another time, while my niece was over, I remember hearing something at the top of my stairs, clawing at the carpet and growling at me. For context, I was living in my mom's attic. It was relatively small, with low ceiling, and carpeted.

This thing that was growling at me and snarling genuinely worried me because my niece started developing very strange behavioral issues around this time, but I won't get into that here. I don't think people want to hear my supernatural/paranormal psychology ramblings. I'm just happy that after talking to my mom about it my niece is getting some much needed help. I was so worried that I remember breaking down and crying over it at work.

I felt like something was attached to my niece, and that thing was sort of a manifestation of that that only I could hear while I was half awake. Before it climbed the stairs and started growling, I distictly remember hearing it mimicking my nieces laughter (she was just a baby). And the way it dug it's claws into the carpet and growled, this guttural snarl, I couldn't tell what it was. It felt inhuman.

Around this time, because I was so isolated, and generally miserable, all the research I had been doing into various paranormal and metaphysical phenomena had taken a detrimental toll on my mental health. As you can clearly tell from all of this rambling about things unseen. I started believing that lizard people were real and lived on Saturn. Yes, because I read it on someone's blog. And because of that, I started to be attacked in my sleep by what I can only describe as something reptilian in nature. It somehow had the ability to appear before me and put me into sleep paralysis, pick me up, and send me to the shadow realm (or at least that's what it felt like) where it would claw and bite and do unspeakable things to me while I was unable to move or fight back or even scream.

These experiences carried over after my mom kicked me out. They followed me to my apartment, and they stuck with me for a majority of the time I was with my ex. Part of me really hoped that living with a real living breathing human being would help me out of my psychosis, but that was kind of hard given that he was an actual sociopath and psycho himself. I had no grounding in reality other than work. Work started feeling like an escape. And talking with coworkers even more-so.

For context, my mom did nothing to help. Both of my parents have mental health issues, and I don't want to talk about it. I'm saving that for my biography. My mom kicked me out because the internship program she forced me into in 2018-2019 didn't get me employed right away, so I ended up living with a social worker for a short while who was also a pet foster. It was a bit chaotic with all the animals but I was able to get a job and my own place and get away from my mom which was good. Also my mom was drinking when she decided to come upstairs and lecture me (again) for 2+ hours about how useless I was.

As you can tell, there was already plenty of fuel on the fire for my mental health issues to spiral out of control. I started to neglect my art, my characters, my story, my wellbeing. Yet I somehow managed to keep it together, for the most part. Enough to be employable and push myself to socialize more at work and be personable and friendly. It helps to be overly self-conscious of how I come off to people due to being bullied throughout HS for being "weird"..

I felt like I peaked in 2014-2015 while I was still in Highschool and spent most of my time outside of school hanging out with friends in Minecraft servers. I was having so much fun despite my circumstances, but then the balance shifted in a really bad direction. At one point I was even living with my grandma in an even worse situation back in 2017 just because I was that desperate to get away from my mom.

While in my internship program I realized how freeing it was to be out in the city during the day while taking the bus to work. I was far away from home back in that small farm town and got to spend time at the mall every day which was cool. I got to see the city in fall and winter and it translated well into living on my own bc I had already familiarized myself with the bus routes enough to continue using them when I got another job. I also used them when I was with my ex to get out. Other than that I biked to work. More on that later.

And during my downtime in this program I spent so much time drawing. It was like being back in class in Highschool and sitting at my desk and doodling while the teacher was talking. (it was literally the same) Other than that, I spent most of my time on my laptop doing whatever I could to distract myself from my current situation out of habit. I'd draw digitally, but I struggled to motivate myself to do anything useful with it.

For a long time I relied on Youtube and social media as an escape and a distraction from my problems. Frequently venting to friends online. Paragraph after paragraph. Driving them crazy. Even driving people away. I just didn't know what to do because I felt so helpless. I even became active in the local metaphysical community. I took classes and became a certified psychic (not kidding). I met and attended classes with a paranormal psychologist. And I hung out with a wizard. (RIP)

Needless to say, I think metaphysics and spirituality are bunk at this point. I only see value in maybe paranormal psychology, because at the end of the day, it is literally all in our heads, even if our heads are literally a window into another world sometimes (even if said other world is just dreams and imagination). Taking a huge step back from my interest in the paranormal genuinely helped me heal and become better about handling myself, where I was no longer letting illusory entities harass me in my sleep.

I remember sitting in bed that fateful night and just saying in my head to myself, "This is all in my head and I am the one in control". Then I never got attacked again. Something I didn't mention throughout this whole spiel was that I had an imaginary friend and I frequently imagined myself doing the dirty with said imaginary friend (who is also a character of mine). The "attacks" were simply an escalation of all the kinky shit in my head and all the bullshit alien conspiracies I had been immersing myself in. I had let myself get to a point where I genuinely believed that something else was controlling me outside of myself. Very not mentally healthy if you ask me.

Near the end I remember having to make sure my bedroom door and closet doors were closed, and to cover my eyes and ears with something just to prevent them from playing tricks on me while I slept.

Anyways, lucid dreams, daydreams, OBEs, and sleep paralysis had become normalized to me at a young age. I frequently dreamed about flying and imagining characters in my head. It genuinely became an escape and coping mechanism for me, especially with the creation of an imaginary friend as a teenager because I struggled to make real meaningful friends. Changing schools several times didn't help that of course. I still experience these things and still enjoy them but don't take them as seriously anymore, but they're still fun, even addicting at times. I feel like the human mind is an endlessly deep pool that continues to amaze me at times.

As for my ex boyfriend, god.. It was like dating Murdoc irl, but somehow worse, and sadder. I wanted that Stockholm Syndrome abusive boyfriend relationship sooo badly. Like I felt I needed to be punished for being such an outcast. He Almost killed me. Aside from the few bicycle accidents on the way to work, I think what he did will leave me limping and struggling to walk for the rest of my life.

Also fuck the creep I met at my last job. Holy shit, now that guy was Literally insane. I genuinely hope his kid will be okay. (why the fuck does he have a child holy shit)

Lastly, I am doing better. At least I think I am. It's hard to tell. I'm just happy to be drawing again and enjoying it. After all the BS I went through over the past few years, I actually got pretty rusty so a lot of what I'm drawing might get dumped on my art blog, but in the meantime, I'm just happy I'm posting art and people are enjoying it as much as I do. I haven't felt this stable about my art in a long time. Getting out of that apartment and away from the city and all of those negative memories weighing me down was a huge step in the right direction.

If you read all of this for whatever reason, good for you. Have a gold star. Lemme know if you would read my biography. I have plenty more fucked up stories where these came from, and this is just incoherent rambling that skips most of the awful details.

[seeker-of-peace]

Hello, I am also a 24 years old muslima. I hope you are doing great. May i ask u if u struggle with islam and what it says about women ? I know it's a weird question but I've been struggling with faith for a long time. I need to discuss it with a woman who will understand my pov. I know this is very personal and i would appreciate if u answer honeslty but if you can't, can you please guide me to resources (podcasts, channels, books .. ) that help you with your faith if you have any. Thank you very much in advance.

Hope you are doing well and no worries. Sorry for the late reply, your question is very interesting. I think my struggles are very different than when I was a teenager. My main struggles are related to impatience towards what Allah decreed for me and others around me and therefore slight comparison between me and others but also me and my old self if that makes sense. Sometimes I look back and feel like my old version was closer but Allah but in fact it was not, it's just a realistic illusion, truth is we are always improving as Muslims when we are putting ourselves in question and wondering how to manage ourselves better for our Akhirah, ofc that does not require only planning but also action. I feel like I also struggle now with lack of time management and being able to be consistent with non fardh act of worship, whereas it was no big deal when I was younger.

Honestly my biggest advice that works for me is to check yourself, observe yourself, what makes your imaan really go up, what makes you happy being Muslim, what makes your heart warm when you think about your faith, and even in those occasions where you feel like you lost the sense of Allah, do not stop trying because you might not feel it all the time but He is there, listening, welcoming you as no one can. There are many people of knowledge you can listen to or talk with, I do better with listening rather than reading but do what works best for you. You can be born a Muslim but you have to discover your religion for it to make sense to you. I am also a visual person, it helps me seeing that when I'm really finding it hard to hold on my religion, I'm actually holding on the rope of hope, a rope can be slippery sometimes but it will bring you safety for sure at least according to me.

This is my answer (I'm sleep deprived so excuse any typos or if what I said does not make sense). Whatever you would like to deepen, my dm is open sis 💚

[oblivious-aro]

For the character ask, Robot from Dicey Dungeons? Also mayhaps Maya from Ace Attorney if you'd like a bonus!

Robot:

How I feel about this character

I can’t help but feel bad for Robot. It’s very genuine, and obviously trying its best, but has very clearly missed some important memos. It wants to compete a second time?! Robot, even if you don't know just how sinister Lady Luck's setup is, you've gotta at least figure there's no way you'll be able to earn two prizes at such a high value.

Robot's got decent intentions, but it's also kind of out of touch with reality, and I feel like someone could easily take advantage of it.

Considering its desire was to eliminate the need for sleep, I'm also a little worried it's not prioritizing itself properly. Robot, I ask this with concern, why exactly do you feel the need to be so efficient all the time?

Robot makes me a bit sad and worried. I hope it has nice friends, and maybe takes a bit more time for itself.

I could be projecting a teeny bit here maybe…

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Ew, cooties.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Robot & a therapist.

(For a more real answer, I feel like Robot and Inventor could do some powerful things together. Nerd power!)

My unpopular opinion about this character

Hmm…kind of hard to have an unpopular opinion about Robot.

I don't think I really found them that hard to play as? Just stop rolling when you get close to jackpot, use all or most of your dice, then keep rolling. It’s been a minute, but I remember that usually works pretty good if you want to play it safe.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I want the contestants to have that brunch, and I want to see Robot unapologetically enjoy it’s meal. Like, it's ordered a stupidly tall stack of pancakes with whipped cream and sprinkles or something.

Maya Fey:

How I feel about this character

I quite like her. Her upbeat attitude is a good balance to Phoenix's “I'm so tired and want this to be done” energy, and also really charming.

She's very interested in the world around her and wants to push all of the shiny buttons. As someone who's tasted the water in a sensory deprivation tank (don't do this), I very much respect and relate to that attitude.

Also love how unapologetic she is about her personality and interests. That's probably a big contributor to why she's so emotionally stable despite…everything that's happened in her life.

On the one hand I'm not sure the writers took this side of her character seriously enough, but I do like that she's handling her shit. It would've been nice if Phoenix had showed her a bit more support/sympathy, but I like how the two of them are shown to be on a relatively equal level of importance and competence. Given her situation, I feel like “Phoenix being saddled with the burden of taking care of Maya on top of everything else, but she's useful every once in a while to reward him taking care of her” could've been an easy trope for them to lean into, but they avoid that and I'm glad.

That being said, I love how they dig into Maya's insecurities in the first game. Yes she's competent, but she's also 18 and trying to help a lawyer despite having had no legal training. Even the one special skill she was supposed to bring to the table, she's been struggling with, so it makes sense that she starts feeling insecure about her place at the agency. I gotta say, seeing a character who's typically outgoing and confident express insecurity hits a lot harder than a shy character who's always insecure express insecurity. I genuinely felt bad when she asked Phoenix if she was actually useful.

It is kind of disappointing that she gets relegated to damsel in distress for the climax of the 2nd and 3rd game, though.

She does appear in the sixth game, and she doesn't really have an arc, but I love that she's obviously matured in her time away. She seems much more capable of leading her village and had mastered the channelling technique she struggled with in the first games. And she still unapologetically loves nerdy stuff. It's great <3

I like her spunk, I like her strength, and I like her unapologetic nature. Kind of sad the original trilogy never gave her an arc as good as the one in the first game.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Honestly I'm kind of getting some aro vibes. I might be biased tho… (don't super remember where I picked up these vibes :/)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Boring answer, but Maya and Phoenix are pretty classic for a reason. They're two very different people bonded by sharing very specific experiences and have really grown to care for and appreciate each other deeply.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Fanziska/Maya is very much just she was a girl, and she was a girl. If you want a sapphic counterbalance to Wrightworth, Lana and Mia are right there. Please I need some Franziska animatics that aren’t ship focused. Please please please they’re scarce enough as it is.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I feel like we could've had more serious moments with Maya. Maybe we could've seen her leaning on Phoenix for support a little? Maybe have a small breakdown or two? It wouldn't have to be anything huge, Maya's actually a very strong and mature person, but she is still an 18 year old living on her own, she just lost her sister, she's the next in line to lead her village, she's trying to juggle her spiritual training with an incredibly involved office job, and is kind of sort of suddenly responsible for raising her small cousin. I wish the writers acknowledged the weight of her resonsibilties a little more. It really would’ve strengthened her characterization and her relationship with Phoenix if she came to him for support more, even if it was just emotional (cuz sometimes just that's all you need).

Ooh! What if one time they're in the middle of a big case, and Phoenix notices Maya seems off, and when he asks her about is she's like “we're doing more important things right now”, and he’s like “what? No Maya, you're just as much a priority as this case!”, and then sge vents and he reassures her, and then either she's way more energetic and helpful after, or she takes a break and Phoenix does the next part of the case alone (or with someone else), until Maya returns in time for the trial with a noticeably clearer head. (I just kind of thought of this scenario now, but I love it).

It also would been great if she'd found out Edgeworth watches Steel Samurai. To be clear, they would absolutely not be fan buddies, Edgeworth would go into hard denial and/or pretentious mode, while Maya would be exploding with overwhelming fangirl energy. The other characters are too scared to intervene. Unstoppable force meets an unmovable object type deal.

[scentedchildnacho]

I found out about just bothering them because the passer by happened to have transexual or bisexual gender characteristics.....and knew to ask her him they etc....why their so fixated on abnormalizing poverty....and so I was told their dispositions aren't grand or positive their as infantile as i suspect and it just bothers beaters

I was like if the coffee is served abnormally like way in the morning or night or at lunch like if it causes puke and sleep deprivation they will want to dump it down my throat but if I go assert my rights to normal customs.....their immediately very violent

Like say I know caffeine intake is only productive and healthy as a morning custom.

Police facts are naive though...their Ed gein rapeists and it's Ed I don't enjoy foriegn westernism it isn't new York American and it doesn't make sense here

Or well communities help domestic abusers perpetrate because their over worked exotics and a pharmacy job is dumping some pills at people and free loans...drug dealing is all exotics then have to do

Though I more feel there is neo marxism about it and truthfully it's attempts to bring on people something truly demonic truly to see my disposition and spirit break and me be nothing but psychopathology

I think I'm right that he does more kill whores....it doesn't know that if it's called ass to just not endure it and live a different life....i notice constant deprivational torture if whores won't leave

I get battered 24 7 with deprivational cruelty till I help non stop with if their not in Muslim robes they can't be anywhere

I was white and it's spiritual sense of cruelty from Asian wars quite frankly is more endurable for me then claiming I'm released when I'm not ...

It's maybe just my experience but most women show me if they try to release themselves from p.o.w. engineered modesty.....that their sex lives kill them....

Big boob queen...you can't say sexuality is youthful inherently and you can be released to friends and maturity only on listed schedules....you can't tell her age really she is witchy that way

I did apologize to the german lady with I'm not native....i have weird missions in life like knowing banking is to be sustained or if people lose control of financializing common borders are crossed and mass misery is caused

They keep harassing and stalking me to go to Mexico and Mexicans are a kind small nation they only have what they do ....

I mean if I have to finally go tell him why English what he doesn't do English there needs climate relief I don't think your going to find this endurably fun if I have to tell him I really need climate relief from mexico

The whores here are like Melissa in Alamogordo new Mexico ...they replace the prior emo models and people torture people that won't help kill that whore populace off ...

A lot of my misery would be over if I went to the er and called a bikini revenge my death by pills target......but im not really into that Kevorkian....it's not a pleasureable death compared to hope

If I found out the whore was a really bad person that wouldn't ever stop spooking and haunting these areas and the drug dealer was fun enough I would dose her to not careing if she couldn't comprehend it's emergence if it helped me own a place for awhile to stop being harassed in

That's me about psychiatry their really awful drug dealers just very bad foriegnism

I went to live with black evangelists awhile in the american south and some of the whores enjoy committing battery and I dont enjoy homicidal people that refuse to stop spooking at a people...a really bad person that somehow escapes common law like jail sentencing that to me is a reason to ask the mafia to re control populations

My family wouldn't be happy with me no and black people are who talk to me first or just tell me things about life

That white haired lady that wears the pillow cases eventually confessed to me that she was a steroidal and secretly looks like a man and that's why she can't stop being a serial killer

Steroids caused her psychopathology and she cant stop herself from transexual issues

She needs to be a woman or she can't stop masculine needs to kill

Because I asked her why she became homicidal it's the worst thing a human can endure from a neo Marxist perspective having to commit violence or sadism is more rare then masochism and so she finally showed me she is a man...

What happened to you though most humans run from having to be violent....

Because I've been homeless for seven to eight years and this conflict is finally so batteringly cruel I have a psychopathology....and I want to know if that can happen to me finally

So she showed me people addicted or who enjoy their violent personality were on a lot of steroids or growth hormones

Oh you know homelessness when a helicopter wont stop beating your head and you show your cruelty with cheers and like only of anti aircraft weapons professionals ya know people who prefer the copter mogaed

But i dont get a personality disorder truth is my spirit is very passive and non violent and sometimes Im even more encouraging of people willing to be violent to sound bombs or torture with tools because I really dont enjoy playing my cruelty

That white haired walker lady though she may truly enjoy her violent personality as ego...

And that's oh my God that white haired lady looks like John wayne gacy and they maybe kill gays here

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Its Been a While (I Didnt Miss it)

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/l89IPU5 by CinnamonToastCrunches Damian awakens and it’s dark. There are shackles on his wrists that chafe and a heavy present weight on his neck that makes him swallow. He wants to call out, and be that as may be, he knows better. So instead he sits and adjusts, and lets himself dig his nails into his calloused palms during time he stays waiting. He's been on his own long enough and this is no different, Damian has always been close to breaking, now is no exception. The line that holds him upright and in a light grip feather, is now a line of thinning thread waiting for sharpened scissors to end the cord. Damian doesn’t know if this time the scissors will be successful. Words: 12423, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 1 of It's Been a While Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con Categories: Gen, Other Characters: Damian Wayne, Ra's al Ghul, Talia al Ghul, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Maya Ducard, Colin Wilkes Relationships: Talia al Ghul & Damian Wayne, Ra's al Ghul & Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Damian Wayne & Everyone, Minor or Background Relationship(s), with - Relationship, Damian Wayne & Colin Wilkes, Maya Ducard & Damian Wayne, Damian Wayne/Colin Wilkes, it’s minor tho don’t get your hopes up Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Damian Wayne Needs a Hug, And love, Lots of it, Bruce Wayne Tries, and fails, Damian Wayne Has Trauma, Damian Wayne-centric, Torture, Waterboarding, Restraints, Panic Attacks, Damian Wayne Has PTSD, Blood and Injury, Blood and Torture, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Worth Issues, Self-Sacrifice, Kinda, Damian is messed up in this, the kidnapping from ra's isnt helping, Hallucinations, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Sleep Deprivation, Presumed Dead Dick Grayson, Whipping, Morally Ambiguous Talia al Ghul, Damian kills her, then hallucinates, Self-Loathing Damian Wayne, Force-Feeding, Food Poisoning in the sense the food has literal poison, Broken Bones, Hurt No Comfort, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Dead Alfred Pennyworth, Damian Wayne is Not Robin, or okay, Child Neglect, Older Damian Wayne, Fever, Sick Damian Wayne, Starvation, Damian Wayne Goes to Hell, im sorry, it adds to the angst, Dissociation, Temporary Character Death, Ra's Al Ghul is a piece of shit, read the tags people. I’m serious., This is really dark, in this world Dick was revealed to be alive later and Damian wasn’t there so he doesn’t know read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/l89IPU5

[actuallyverynormalbtw]

while i do agree that the system community should not encourage behaviors of fear and avoidance towards media, i dont think calling systems that do not work like yours "unrealistic" is fair or factual.

it is also potentially very triggering, given that self-doubt and denial are a genuine mental health problems for systems. your point is entirely understandable considering your perspective, but nonetheless, ableist towards other systems. this especially effects systems with higher levels of dissociation; c-DID / polyfragmented systems; systems with high fictive counts and/or primarily introjected alters; systems with ADHD, autism, maladaptive daydreaming, OCD, tourettes, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety, and/or substance abuse disorders; systems with social isolation, rejection, and/or ostracization trauma...

i am sure you meant no harm, and of course i would never expect any given mentally ill person to be fully educated on every possible experience, comorbidity, and subdiagnosis of their mental illness, so i dont mean this as a call out, criticism, attack, or anything like that. i am just hoping you will hear out my point as your peer and a mental health advocate.

while many systems may only split introjects while consuming media under trauma, stress, and life transitions, and while that does tend to be the more common experience: it is not unrealistic to split an introject due to the act of media consumption or hyperfixation.

in fact, it is a trait found among systems with a low split threshold, a trait documented in polyfragmented DID / complex DID. this symptom falls under "complex splitting structure", which occurs due to the higher levels of dissociation and subsequent nervous system dysregulation. it is perfectly plausible for many complex DID systems to split in response to very minor stressors or changes. they may split when sleep deprived, when unable to make a certain decision, when experiencing a new circumstance, when a circumstance is repeated continously, when they make a certain connection or realization, when they travel somewhere new, when they consume a certain or unfamiliar chemical substance, and yes, when they consume media. consider any internal or external fluctuation, no matter how observedly minor or mild, to be a risk factor for disturbing this sort of nervous system to the extent of a split. every systems is different, as is every polyfragmented / complex system, so every system will split in different circumstances for reasons ultra-specific to their neurotype and experiences.

also, hyperfixation is an inherently stressful experience for your body, nervous system, and brain. it is perfectly reasonable, and even likely in some circumstances, for a system (with or without c-DID / polyfragmentation) to split due to hyperfixation. consider that hyperfixation is a state of intense focus with an inherently dissociative element to it, most often resulting in episodic self-neglect. hyperfixation causes a worsening of interoceptive skills and priority-based executive function, causing many to become dehydrated, malnourished, sleep deprived, socially isolated, and with neglect to personal hygeine. as in, a sudden decrease in physiological satisfaction and safety. this disrupts the state of homeostasis, resulting in nervous system activation. not only that, but hyperfixation is a rigid and obsessive experience that inherently causes stress when unable to engage, when others show distaste and disinterest, when it fades away, and for numerous other reasons. people have lost jobs, dropped out of school, and become hospitalized as a result of severe hyperfixations. not to mention the existence of symptom holding alters. my point being, despite it's enjoyability and regulatory qualities, it makes perfect sense for some systems to split due to hyperfixation and it makes sense for certain system structures for this to happen routinely.

i also want to add that the dissociative brain is not an exact science. our sense of time and stress can be distorted or nonsensical. splits can happen whenever and for whatever reason due to the brain's structural development. some systems consist of mostly, even entirely, of introjected alters. this makes sense to me, considering the neurotype's difficulty/disruption in constructing identity. splits due to media consumption can even be a positive thing, when they occur due to the character introjected symbolizing a certain lesson/belief/skilll/etc. a split occurs as a result of abnormally high levels of dissociation and/or because the brain believes it to be necessary, which is not necessarily always co-occuring with stress. while stress and trauma are frequently the cause, due to the origin of the disorder, it is not unrealistic for other factors to play a part.

i encourage you to ally yourself with systems who's experiences differ to your own, especially those with complex and non-normative system structures. and i especially encourage you to make peace with experiences you cannot make sense of. life, especially as a dissociative individual, is an unfathomably nonsensical and uniquely complex experience. there are billions of lived experiences out there that we are psychologically incapable even imagining. some things that dont make sense to you, arent so far off from another's lived reality. it can also be helpful for your own system to shed notions of this illness "making sense". in our experience, a focus on the Why as opposed to the What is ultimately more stress than the effort is worth. splits happen, sometimes they happen to be introjects, there is truly nothing unrealistic about it for brains like ours.

i know i took a lot of words to explain my point and i apologize for my inability to shorten or simplify. thank you for reading if you did so, i really do appreciate your time, energy, and consideration towards my point. i hope i dont come across and insensitive or rude, and i do apologize if that is the case because that is not remotely my intention.

id also like to clarify the point of view this is coming from. which would be from an autistic polyfragmented system of primarily brainmade alters and a low fictive count. i am definitely not a primary source on the topic of introjects or fictives, just an ally and a student. we have had a special interest in clinical psychology for almost 10 years, with almost 5 years of particular focus on abnormality, autism, trauma, and dissociation (as to explain my particular passion and knowledge on the subject).

Friendly reminder

No, you'll most likely not split a character because you watched a show or read a book. While yes if you're under stress or other strong negative emotions/life things and you fixate on a media as a way to escape then it's possible. But simply being "hyperfixated on a show and splitting an alter" is not very realistic.

After all this disorder is a coping mechanism for trauma and things similar to that. Not a randomized introject machine.

You don't have to be afraid or avoid interacting with media because of this.

(I swear this made more sense when I first wrote it but I accidentally deleted it 😭😭)

(below cut I'll talk about our experiences)

Yes, we did split an introject the day a manga came out. The day we read the first chapter. However coincidentally at the same time we were going through really really shitty family stuff that hurt like a motherfucker... still does

Or me (the introject writing this). I split after we finished watching the show I'm sourced from. But again it was not because we watched a show. It was because we were going through a rough relationship issues which ended in a breakup. Our entire system was in panic mode for weeks. It was painful and tbh kinda traumatic... -🪐

[thedeadthree]

you know what? i think i want to do a fallout/cyberpunk au? maybe? possibly? im not sure but i want to? ✨🥺✨👀

[bichristian]

In Which a Dog Taught Me How to Do Matthew 18:15 the Right Way

If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. Matt 18:15 (NIV)

Yep. A dog. A Portuguese Water Dog, to be specific. His name is Cashel (his sister’s name is Gallway’s Girl, so there’s some sort of theme with the naming I think). It’s a bit of a story, so bear with me. Skim over the first bit if you like.

Now, I’ve grown up with dogs. I’ve petsat dogs before; I have never petsat a dog like Cashel.

I was raised in a military house. I watched my family train dogs to be obedient. We also went for wheaten terriers (think docile and not too bright), though more for the kid-friendly/non-shedding factor. Yes there was a system of rewards, but we expected a grown dog to respond to commands WITHOUT continual praise or rewards. All the dogs I’ve petsat will at least respond to my call to come. And let me sleep.

Cashel is... not that dog.  He is strong willed, barks at me all the time (very loudly), is obstinate, tries to steal anything and everything off the counter (including my medications) and continually wakes me up (I haven’t gotten a solid six hours of sleep since starting this gig). There are other things, but this comes off the top of my head (oh, he also refuses to come when called; if he comes it’s cause I bribed him or he feels like it). His sister is not like this (she’s like him scaled down; she’ll at least be somewhat reasonable), so it’s not ALL nurture. He was at least partially born an ass (a butt, if you wish to be PG). Based on what I know of the owners, these dogs are Spoiled.

Today it came to a head. I am under orders to make sure they go out (and have been woken often enough even when I do this) before bed. Cashel was... not really doing that. It became a barking-ordering match. Eventually I gave up, cause I was exhausted and Done (reminder that I am on sleep deprivation for the last five days; those of you with depression/anxiety know that this is a good route to a nervous breakdown). It took a treat to just get him back inside, because apparently he was Done with me.

Long story short: he refused to go to the bedroom with me (a requirement from the owners) and for a bit refused to even let me touch him. Eventually I managed to bribe him with a treat enough to let me pet him and I gave him a good rub down. Still took a trail of treats to get him into bedroom, but that eventually got me back into his good graces.

This made me realize that I was going into this gig with the wrong sort of strategy. I was expecting them to be like the dogs I had grown up with and looked after; essentially, ones that responded to commands and had been trained in a specific way (or any way). Cashel needed some encouragement and love if he was going to work with me. And it wasn’t like I was trying to be selfish. If he consumed people food, it could mess with his stomach. If he ate my pills, he could poison himself. If he doesn’t go outside, self explanatory issues happen.

In the end, I truly only want good things for him (even if he gets on my nerves). Which means he has to follow some rules, even if he doesn’t like it. And rather than the usual commands, I have to use a bit of love and affection (and treats) to do the convincing for me.

The point of this long-winded story (I’m chatty when I am sleep deprived) is this: I have seen Christians approach discipline the same way. And in many ways we have justified the “plank vs speck” retort. However, as Jesus said, confronting your brother or sister about sin is not necessarily being a hypocrite. It’s not about throwing the first stone. And it’s something we should do. But how you do it matters. You cannot come from a place of judgement. Remind yourself that their sin isn’t worse or better than yours. In the end, without Jesus it’s going to send us all to the same place anyway. It’s not about self-righteousness or making them feel bad about themselves.

Instead, you must come from a place of love. You must approach your confrontation with a kind, gentle, loving mindset. This is for them. This is for their good. You are doing this because they’re doing something that is not good for them. God doesn’t put in the laws for no reason. It may be a sin that ruins their relationships (lying, cheating, stealing), hurts themselves (alcoholism), or hurts others (gossiping, adultery); and yes, I know that some overlap categories, but moving on. Whatever it is, God told us we shouldn’t do it for a reason. Since he’s an omnipresent, omnipotent God, it seems like he might have a good idea about what is and what isn’t good for us.

Think of it as how you would help a friend fix a broken relationship, because that’s what it is. Their sin is hurting them, and their relationship with God. Always emphasize the love. That you love them now, just as they are, just as God loves them. And that you want the best for them. Should they respond positively, don’t end the conversation there. Offer to help them, be it an accountability partner, a willing ear, or whatever they may need. Friends and support are vital in those times.

Do all things in love, in kindness, and in faith. Before, during, and after, be strong in prayer so that the Holy Spirit may guide your actions and thoughts. Do not be frustrated or allow yourself to become angry if they respond defensively or angrily (it doesn’t help). Speaking from personal experience, it’s not fun to be told you’re doing something wrong. Especially something that is disappointing or angering God. No matter what happens, keep them in prayer. Either that their hearts may be opened, or that God will continue to help them while they work on confronting and battling their own sin. Though don’t forget to pray for yourself and your own fights. God doesn’t forget about you and your struggles.

May God bless all of you, give you joy and and peace, and keep love in your hearts for all your days. GLYASDI.

[newfoundstateof]

the morning after | peter parker

summary: you meet peter in his kitchen after a night with his roommate, harry. peter may be a little grumpy from being kept up all night, but perhaps you make it up to him......

word count: 2.6k

warnings? explicit oral sex, if you’re a minor keep scrolling bub

a/n: non-gendered pronouns used but this def reads as afab!reader. also!! this is not straight up filth unfortunately. there is an unnecessary plot ;)

Peter needs to move out. 

Originally, he thought that finally moving out of Aunt May’s and closer to the city would be good for him. He and Harry could launch their careers, live independently, and maybe have a little fun while they were at it. All of which ended up happening, but Harry likes to perhaps have too much fun.

It isn’t anything to be concerned about, but every weekend, Harry goes out drinking, networking, and flirting with anything with a pulse. Although Peter’s glad that his best friend is enjoying his 20s, he can’t stand the overnight guests…

With a total of three hours of sleep to his name, Peter pads into the kitchen to brew some coffee. 

Part of his sleep deprivation is his own fault. He stayed up late to work on a new and improved web formula, but when he laid down for bed at 3am, Harry returned home with you. 

The two of you were at it for objectively too long.

As Peter pours coffee grinds into the machine, you shuffle into the kitchen, hair tangled, makeup smeared, and wearing one of Harry’s pajama sets. 

“Good morning,” you yawn.

Peter offers a polite grin despite the fact he had wished you would’ve suddenly dropped dead last night just so he could get some sleep.

“Coffee?” he asks.

You hop up on a barstool and smile back. “Yes please.” 

“It’ll be a minute.”

Peter pushes the brew button and leans back against the counter to face you. “Pretty” is the first word to come to mind which isn’t surprising. Harry often brings home models. After a year of living together, Peter still isn't sure what he does for a living, but it’s runway-related.

“That’s fine,” you reply, swinging left and right on the adjustable stool. “Hope we didn’t keep you up last night.”

Peter shrugs. “I’m used to it.”

“Sorry,” you say, cringing.

“It’s fine, really.” It isn’t, but Peter isn’t in the mood to bicker.  “So, what do you do? I’m guessing you’re a model?”

Your eyebrows draw together. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Sorry, I guess I’m just tired. Someone’s bed was squeaking last night.” 

Maybe he is in the mood to fight. His web formula didn’t work out last night, so he’s extra frustrated.

Eyebrows drawing together, you return his cold stare. When Harry described his genius best friend and roommate last night, you were expecting someone much more timid.

“Well, what do you do then?” you challenge. “Something much more esteemed than modeling I’m sure.”

“Freelance photography.”

“Cute,” you say. Everyone and their mother was a freelance photographer these days. “But you don’t shoot models?”

“No, I shoot real-”

He stops himself.

“Real people?” you press. “So, I’m not real?”

He shrugs awkwardly. Something along the lines of an apology starts to leave his mouth, but the coffee machine dings. The perfect excuse for him to turn around and avoid your glare.

“Sugar or cream?” he asks, pulling two mugs from the cupboard.

“Black is good.”

When you were younger, you couldn’t stand the taste of coffee, but with the long hours you pull at work, your tolerance grew rapidly. And work is long and hard, and it frustrates you that some people don’t take it seriously.

Slipping down from the stool, you step around the counter and come up behind Peter, feeling the heat of his body tickle your nose. And his spidey senses fail him because, when he turns around after pouring your coffee, he stiffens. He hadn’t heard you. Now, the two of you were almost chest to chest. Only the NASA mug in Peter’s hand kept the two of you from touching.

“Thanks,” you murmur, taking the cup from him. You take a small sip. “Let’s circle back to me not being a real person…”

With your free hand, you rest it on his chest. He breathes in sharply but doesn’t back away, maintaining eye contact with you. It takes all your energy not to laugh at the effect you have on him. He isn’t exactly your type, but you were bored waiting for Harry to wake up.

“Do I feel real?” you ask, making your voice low and a little raspier than usual.

He nods quickly.

“You’ve gone quiet all of the sudden,” you say with a snide smile. “Use your words, Peter.”

“You feel real.”

Your hand slides up to his shoulder, and you give it a squeeze before letting your hand fall back to your side.

“Good job. And believe it or not, I’m a real person with a real name. But I’m sure you don’t bother to learn the names of the people Harry brings home.”

He doesn’t. Why bother if he’ll never see them again. 

“I’d bother to learn yours,” he tells you, his hand coming up to your face.

Your heart pinches, thinking that he’s going to kiss you, but instead, he takes your cup. His eyes stay on yours as he takes a sip. He doesn’t give it back. 

“You’re a tease,” you say.

“How so?” he asks with a smirk. “Is there something you want?”

You ponder this. Deciding it’s time to stop lying to yourself, you admit this snarky freelance photographer with crooked glasses and wild hair is cute. And even though Harry proposed some morning activities last night, you want to do them with Peter instead.

“I just want my coffee back,” you deflect.

“Comes with a price,” Peter says with a shrug. 

Please be a kiss. It drives you crazy how much you want him to forget the mug and kiss you senseless on this countertop.

“What’s your name?”

Your heart drops. Maybe he didn’t want you that much. Maybe you shouldn't be this disappointed about that.

When you tell him your name, a genuine, sweet smile grows on his lips. 

“It suits you.” And he hands you the NASA mug. 

He tests out your name. Slow and with intent. He repeats it in a different and then again for good measure.

“You really are a tease,” you say.

“How? I gave you what you wanted.” 

You know it’s petty, but you hate to pursue. You want people to pursue you. But how could you just walk back to Harry’s room and not take what you want? Ignoring your brain, you follow your instinct.

“Do you want to kiss me?” you ask.

Perfect. It’s not begging for him — you still have some power over him. You just hope his answer is what you want.

“Do you want to kiss me?”

“You’re good, Peter, I’ll give you that,” you snort.

It looks like neither of you are willing to make the first explicit move, you think, until he’s walking towards you. His hips nudging yours, leading you against the counter. 

You set aside the mug, fingers coming up to lightly skim his upper arms which makes him shudder. He’s ticklish, you realize with a smile.

“You don’t even know how good I can be,” he whispers.

You give him a look as he leans in closer and closer. 

“That’s pretty cheesy,” you whisper back.

“It’s true though.” His lips brush momentarily against yours, and you sigh. “Do you want to find out?”

Almost every part of your body is touching his. Hips connected to hips. Legs intertwining. Foreheads pressed together. But his lips still hover over yours. He’s waiting.

“Fuck you,” you huff. “I don’t do this often.”

And you kiss him. Arms swinging around his neck, pulling him into you. Back arching and chest pressing further into his.

His glasses make it harder to kiss him, but Peter is one step ahead of you, throwing them off his face, not caring if he breaks them. With his glasses gone, he comes at you harder and wilder. 

His mouth is heaven. Rough and sure, yet soft and inviting. And the noises that come out of it make your insides stir. 

Feeling his hands grab your hips and thighs, you finally register that Peter’s inviting you to jump on him, which you do – not gracefully at all. As a model, you’re trained to utilize every muscle in your body to look a certain way. But right now, you couldn’t care less what you looked like. Just as long as it got Peter to kiss you harder.

After you climb up his torso, he’s stumbling the both of you down the hall, past Harry’s room, and into his own. You help him close the door behind you, blindly reaching an arm out and waving it frantically until you hear a click.

Peter sets you down but doesn’t let you start towards the bed. Instead, his left hand pins you to the door while the other slips under the hem of your shirt. His fingertips brush against your stomach, and soon, Peter’s kneeling down to trail kisses along your waistband, his hand gliding down your chest. 

“I need you out of his clothes,” Peter growls, forgetting your shirt and tugging down your pants. “Take the shirt off.”

You do as you’re told, pulling it over your head and letting it drop to the ground where Peter is.

You didn’t know just how much you could love the way a man looks on his knees.

He looks up at you like you’re a celestial being with the answer to the universe, all while toying with the thin fabric of your underwear that wraps around your hips

“Is this okay?” He asks. “It’s not too late to-“

“I want you, Peter,” you breathe out. “I want you now, so get on with it.”

His big, beautiful brown eyes widen. 

“You’re really pretty when you’re bossy,” he says before ripping your underwear down to the floor.

He helps one leg out slowly, pressing his lips to your calf like you’re something to be devoured. When he goes to the other leg, he’s less gracious, throwing it over his shoulder so he can get a better look at you. He wastes no time in lunging forward to explore your center with his tongue.

Before you can stop yourself, a surprised moan flies out of your mouth. You go to cover your mouth, but Peter’s already using the arm that’s not anchored on your elevated thigh to bring your hands to his hair.

“Guide me,” he asks, but there’s really no need to.

Somehow, Peter knows exactly where to kiss and lick and suck to get you calling out his name like it’s a prayer. He has your chest heaving and your stomach convulsing, begging for release. The room is filled with your panting and your gasping – there’s no possible way that Harry hasn’t woken up yet. But you don’t care because Peter almost has you there.

“I’m close,” you choke out, hands pulling harder at his hair.

He moans into you, and that does it. You’re not sure if it’s the sound or the deep vibrations that came from the back of his throat or both, but you cry out as a release of tension runs through your whole body. You cry out his name in a way you never have before. It’s almost embarrassing how good he just made you feel.

Peter gently slides your thigh from his shoulder, and without his support, you feel yourself slide down the door. But he doesn’t let you get far. Rising from the ground, he catches you and hugs you to his chest.

“Come on, let’s get you onto the bed,” he chuckles.

You wrap your legs around him, groaning in exhaustion. You’re sore, and yet you still want more. 

After setting you down on the sheets, Peter joins you, crawling up beside you, meeting your forehead with his lips, weaving his legs into yours. He sighs your name lazily.

“Don’t get tired on me,” you say.

Your curious hand slides under his shirt and over his solid chest. You didn’t expect him to be this physically fit underneath his periodic table pajama shirt. 

“Take your clothes off so you can fuck me.”

His eyelids flutter open. Getting his attention in the most vulgar way possible will never get old. 

“We’re not fucking today,” he says matter-of-factly.

“Why not?”

“Because you and Harry did plenty of that last night.” His thumb brushes lightly over your cheek as he cups your face. “I don’t want to be a stand-in.”

“You’re not,” you say quickly. He smiles at that. The urgency in your tone.

He really had thought you just wanted him because he was convenient, but maybe he was wrong.

“You’re tired, bud,” he murmurs against your forehead.

“I’m not.”

“Well, I’m tired,” he says with a laugh. “We didn’t even drink the coffee I made.”

“Then let me do the work.”

You know things like these aren’t transactional, and you don’t owe him anything for what he just did. But you want to return the favor in some way, and Peter doesn’t complain when you climb up and straddle him.

It seems like a bond has already formed between the two of you because neither of you has to say a word when you peel his shirt off his body.

Bending down, you press kisses to his warm skin. His shoulders, his collarbone, right underneath his chin. He’s laughing, protesting that it tickles.

The door to his room swings open.

“What are you laughing about, Pete?” Harry asks, rubbing his eyes. When he opens them, his jaw drops.

“Harry, get out!” Peter shouts. 

You can’t even think to climb off of him because he’s already spinning the two of you around, so you’re pinned under him. It's not like it’s anything Harry hasn’t seen before, but you appreciate it.

“I’m a little too shocked to use my body right now,” Harry says.

“Harry-”

“Not in a bad way,” he continues, leaning against the door frame, looking at the ceiling thinking. “You just never seem interested in the people I bring home on a human decency level. Not to mention, you’re pretty snotty about my job and the industry and-”

“We can talk about my character development later. Please leave.”

“Fine, whatever.” Harry throws his hands up defensively. “Threesomes are off the table I guess.”

Finally, Harry leaves the room and closes the door behind him.

Releasing a sigh, Peter hangs his head and laughs. His hair dangles above your eyes, so you reach out to smooth it back.

“That kind of ruined the mood,” you say, laughing with him.

“Tell me about it.”

“I should get dressed.”

“I’ll get your stuff from Harry’s room,” Peter offers.

He starts to climb off of you but hesitates. Without warning, he kisses you. Hard. And before you can revel in it, he gets out of bed. 

“Sorry, I just had to,” he says before slipping out of the room.

While he’s gone, your eyes scan the room. He’s definitely a freelance photographer with the camera batteries charging at every outlet and lenses stacked neatly on a shelf. You wonder why he didn’t go into STEM though because science posters litter the walls. You can barely tell what color paint is underneath.

He still isn't back, so you grab his phone from the nightstand and take a few selfies. Nothing too revealing but something to leave him (hopefully) dumbfounded later.

Peter comes back into the room in the middle of your third selfie.

“What are you doing,” he laughs, setting your things at the end of the bed and coming up beside you.

He presses a kiss to your temple as you take the next photo.

“You ruined the surprise, Pete.” You test out Harry’s nickname for him, and you like it a lot.

“I haven’t even seen them.” He takes the phone, unlocks it, and starts typing. “But maybe you can surprise me with whether or not you give me your real number.”

end.

[goldenkamuyhunting]

@giuftygjhkjn asked:

Ok genuine question... when tf did asirpa get a crush on him? I did read the last quarter while several sleep deprived, but I never noticed a thing about their relationship that would imply it's anything more than familial/platonic??

Well...

My personal recommendation is to re-read GK when you’re less sleep deprived because the crush is hinted as early as the second volume and even acknowledged by Noda, who never defined their relationship as familiar, calling them as partners:

Q: The relationship between Sugimoto and Asirpa could only be described as “partners”, with no romantic elements, until the end. Did you plan to keep it like that since the very beginning, or was it a natural development?

Noda: I decided from the very beginning that I would not show Sugimoto and Asirpa as romantically involved in the end. Asirpa’s crush felt natural for the character so I included it, and since it was related to the later events, it was part of my calculations. [Noda’s interview for Yomiuri online paper translation courtesy of @piduai]

Prior to GK ending I replied to an ask about where we could find points in which it was hinted through the story so you might want to read it.

As you might notice from the tone of the post, back at the time I was genuinely hoping that the story would end with Asirpa letting go of her crush and moving on because I goddamn hated it and found it toxic.

Yes, there’s who loves it in the fandom. De gustibus non disputandum est.

When Noda labels the whole thing as not romantic, he likely refers to the sexual part of romantic.

[Here there’s an useful list of the characteristics of romantic love:

1. Idealization of the loved person and the relationship 2. Sexual attraction to the loved one and a yearning for sex with him or her 3. Passionate and affectionate emotions are associated with the loved one 4. Mental and emotional preoccupation with the loved one and the relationship 5. The perception of exceptional and unique qualities in the beloved person 6. A passionate desire for physical and emotional unity 7. The commitment to a relationship with this person 8. Emotional attachment and dependency 9. Happiness, fulfillment, the transformational power of love

By this list we can see that Asirpa and Sugimoto have emotional attachment for each other, they feels happy and fulfilled with each other but, very likely, they’re not sexually attracted to each others]

I’m pretty sure Sugimoto is not lusting after Asirpa and, while Asirpa might be curious, she looks immature on that part, her own curiosity to see men’s members and peck at them as they bathe and such is childish, not sexual (the opposite of Usami).

The ending is open though, with Asirpa and Sugimoto living together as 'partners’ (相棒 'Aibō’), not as familiars.

To further clear up what 'Aibō’ means, while it can be translated as partners, it seems in common use it generally doesn’t imply romantic partners but someone who’s your accomplice, co-worker, sidekick, pal, whatever.

It is used to point to a person you are doing something with, for example, dancing with or playing with in a game against two other people.

Some webs point out how it could be used in the romantic sense as well but how this is generally not the intended meaning, which makes sense because when Asirpa and Sugimoto began tossing the world around they meant to be partners in the gold hunt, nothing more.

Anyway I’m not Japanese so take this with a huge grain of salt.

By the way the word used to say “romantic element” is ‘ren'ai yōso’ (恋愛要素) where ‘ren’ai’ usually means “love; love-making; passion; emotion; affections” therefore implying love that’s also sexual in nature.

So yeah, as far as Noda is involved, Asirpa has a crush on Sugimoto but their relationship ended on being not sexual till the end... which is, however, open and this is what bothers plenty of people because generally people familiar with this sort of open endings had grown used to how they are meant to imply that the people involved will develop a romantic relation in the future (I’ve digged on it a little more here).

Still, it’s up to the readers and the open ending might as well be here to pander at both sides, so that you can comfortably stick with a ‘this marriage is not to be performed, not tomorrow, nor ever’ (famous quote from “The Betrothed” by A. Manzoni) menatlity and assume Asirpa will be friendzoned forever or the ‘tomorrow is another day‘ (famous quote by “Gone with the Wind” by M. Mitchel) mentality and assume they’ll get together in the future.

At each his own, I’m not here to police how people decide to read the ending.

Said all this I really hope I won’t be asked to discuss the whole thing again. When all is said and done I really don’t like how Noda handled the whole thing and, at this point, I really prefer to focus on the parts of “Golden Kamuy” which I enjoyed.

So my apologies if this might feel a little bitter but really, really, I disliked the whole thing and I still hate it. Still, despite this, I hope all this will help you.

Hello, I've been reading Golden Kamuy for three weeks now and yesterday I read the final chapter. Today I woke up and I started reading your blog and your metas, and it's been helping me mourn the great story that I believe didn't deserve such a wasteful ending. I feel like the characters' journey was for nothing. Just like you, I despise that the Sugiripa pairing is being implied to be canon, and I really wish Asirpa had never developed a crush on Sugimoto. In my opinion it seriously muddied the overall story and the consequent actions it would take. Ogata's death felt meaningless at this time of the plot. It's funny how one of the themes in the story is that each life has a purpose but it felt like most of the characters lost theirs in the final arc. I know I'm a bit late to the party, and the time I invested in the story was nothing compared to the people that had been following the manga for years, but I needed to get these words off my chest. I'll try to remember this series as the masterpiece it was for the first ~200 chapters.

Welcome in the world of GK and I'm sorry to also welcome you among the ones who didn't really enjoy much the final arc.

Now... should I warn everyone who's going to continue to read that this isn't a let's shower Noda with phraises feast? And that if you don't like it, the back button is your best friend? I hope not, but just in case, consider yourself warned. So...

In regard to the SugiRipa... I would have been fine if it had been handled as a phase, something Asirpa has to grow out of it.

I wouldn't have liked it much but I would have accepted it if the whole thing had been at least... postponed. Sugimoto leaves Asirpa, years go by, he comes back and, since he didn't see her in years and, since she's an adult now, he can look at her with different eyes.

Noda had seemed to imply that Asirpa was of such a young age because she wasn't meant to become a trophy for the hero to get at the end of his adventure (like it happens to way too many female characters in stories targeted to male audience), but if the SugiRipa ending was planned from the start... well, at this point Asirpa could have had just been made of the right age from the start.

Asirpa had a quite interesting motivator for her actions, which was the well being of her people, this isn't really such a recurring goal for heroines, but in the end the Ainu were sidelined because she makes clear her priority is Sugimoto (she claimed she would kill to protect him, not the Ainu and, ultimately, she shoots Ogata to protect Sugimoto) and the Ainu take a backseat in her heart.

I've nothing against characters moved by love... I like love stories... but since Asirpa has something more intriguing that could have lead her actions, prioritizing her crush for the hero felt like a downside.

Of course this is just me, I know there were people who had pushed for SugiRipa from the start and even the anime seemed fond of it (and completely erased Umeko as a love interest for Sugimoto).

As for Ogata, as far as I'm involved, it's not just that his death felt meaningless, his whole partecipation to the facts post Karafuto was of no consequence whatsoever for the story. He didn't affect the plot, neither with his life, nor with his death which is such a big clash with how, previously, whatever Ogata did seemed to spin the plot in a direction or in another.

So, as far as I'm involved, it would have worked a lot better if he had died in Karafuto. Even the whole thing with Koito, in which he shared info with him that lead Koito to figure out how Tsurumi manipulated him, was ultimately meaningless as Koito and Tsukishima still did Tsurumi's bidding till the end, and wouldn't have still be capable to follow Tsurumi due to their wounds, so the whole thing ended up being meaningless. Again, this is just me.

And I guess I could go on, actually I wanted to write a whole post on why for me the series finale was such a disappointment, but ultimately I doubt someone would be interested in it.

Who still wanders in the GK tag is likely there in search of positivity so a post of what didn't work for me is probably not what people would be interested in reading.

Again, I'm sorry to hear you also didn't enjoy the ending. It doesn't matter if you started reading a story long ago or just yesterday, it's always sad when something that you were enjoying reading stop being a source of fun and pleasure.

Please, keep enjoying the first 20 volumes as I and other people do and still welcome among the GK readers. Also, thank you for your ask!