#i hope this is coherent lol

[a-driftamongopenstars]

something I find extremely well done with Halsin's character is his sexuality. i've been thinking about it on and off but I wanted to write out my thoughts on the matter because it's really well done!

it's rare to find a good representation of a character with high libido in video games. most of the time it's either used as a tool or as a representation of 'sin'. to be fair, most games don't focus on it and don't put it at the forefront, but Larian has gone far and beyond to include intimacy and questions around sex in their game and showed a whole array of very different people with very different tastes. they showed a whole spectrum, from asexuality to the very other end.

with Halsin, his drive is never judged. it's a big part of his character, but not because he's obsessed with it or it's all he thinks about - it's simply a thing he enjoys doing, it makes him feel good and he likes making other people feel good. you can tell it's one of the ways he connects with those he cares about.

and the thing is, he's never judged. he's not the butt of the joke for his desires, it's a part of his druidic nature as well as a part of self. it's beautiful!

he is also so extremely good about boundaries and a healthy discussion of expectations. he never steps over any lines, he is always keeping a door open for more discussion if necessary, he never pushes but he also respects himself greatly. he shows vulnerability when it feels safe to do so.

and like i said, while it's a big part of him, it's also not his whole personality. he is an experienced man who knows what he's about, he is touched by awful trauma, both from his youth but also his more recent times, but his sexuality is not the product of it - it's just who he is.

i love finding mature characters in video games as i myself get older and I love watching devs tackle characters who had a chance and time to grow and become something, someone. in this case, Halsin is so well done, it raises the bar very high for me.

all in all, I'm just really glad they turned him into a proper companion and expanded his story. i know the joke is to thank the "thirsty fans", but really, Larian did very well with him and I think they gave him a very good part in this amazing adventure while also representing a lot of people who are condemned as sex-crazed by the society but are actually just. people.

[apoptoses]

I’ve been thinking about vampires and cultural norms, and how culture shapes people and their expectations. And it got me thinking about the scene in queen of the damned when Daniel struggles with the burial of his first corpse -

And I've seen divided opinions on whether Armand is being an unkind maker here, or if this was the first warning that maybe Daniel wasn't cut out to handle vampirism well and that his madness was inevitable.

But I've never seen the facts concerning the treatment of the dead throughout history, and that Daniel, up until this point had probably never really seen a corpse.

For every other vampire we'd met in the VC up until this chapter, corpses were part of daily life. And not just in the fact that coming across a body in a medieval city or in a filthy backstreet of 18th century Paris was entirely possible, if not downright unavoidable in times of plague or during the Terror. But also because people of all cultures used to care for and sit with our own dead.

For centuries the loss of a loved one meant the family washing their body, laying it out in the home for relatives and friends to come visit. Death was a fact of life, caring for the corpse was part of the grieving process. Louis would have experienced it with his brother Paul, had the house not fallen into chaos Louis might have pushed Lestat to do the same with his father. Had mortal Armand lost a sibling, or a grandparent, he would have seen their body before burial.

And though embalming has existed for ages, it didn't involve the modern heavy wax makeup applied to the body to help it maintain the semblance of life. It was more about preventing decay during the wake period than distancing viewers from the fact that they're seeing a corpse. In fact when one 18th century mortician made a body look too life-like with his new techniques and displayed it to advertise his practice he received a great deal of criticism.

Plus we've all seen the photos of the victorians with their dead- to have the whole family pose with a body for one last photo was the norm, not the exception. There was nothing disgusting or morbid about it.

At the turn of the 20th century a couple things happened to change all of this in the United States specifically: one was the sudden leap in advances in medicine and germ theory, the other was WWI and WWII.

There was a great book that I read (and that I wish I could remember the name of, if this sounds familiar to anyone please tell me) which went into detail about how the mass casualties of the world wars combined with the new and previously unimaginable injuries wrought to the bodies by new weapons and bombs caused such great psychological trauma that death practices in the US were forever changed.

People no longer wanted to wash, display, and sit with their dead. And changing standards for hygiene and the medicalization of the body meant that the dying no longer remained in the home, that the body was swept up and taken from deathbed to morgue to funeral parlor at much greater speeds than in the past.

So by Daniel's time the American 'wake' had gone from a multi-day at home affair to something carried out in a funeral parlor, with a body embalmed and covered in wax makeup to the point it looks less like a corpse than a wax figure, and where viewers step up to the casket, have a quick glance, and then leave.

And outside of unusual and traumatic circumstances, people just no longer saw bodies. If he had a grandparent pass in the home the body could be collected by the coroner in a matter of a handful of hours. If they passed in a hospital then in all likelihood Daniel would have never seen the body at all up until the moment it was dressed up and put in makeup for the viewing.

(If they had a viewing, and not simply skipped the whole process and went straight to closed casket funeral and cremation)

And this doesn't even begin to go into what happens to the body after death that people of the past would have been aware of, but which is no longer common knowledge now, like the way the bowels go slack and empty themselves. And god knows what a body fully drained of its blood would look like.

So for Daniel to experience shock at handling the body of his first kill is hardly a surprise, given the cultural context he grew up in, or that he seemed to have avoided burying the remains later as we know it had to be impressed upon him to be careful with covering up his kills. And for Armand to assume seeing and handling a dead body should be a normal event that one could handle with some detachment isn't a surprise either- even as a mortal he would have had contact with the dead.

(Plus you add what's going on with Akasha and the burnings and you have a really high pressure situation for everyone involved)

It's a cultural issue in some ways. And one I wish Anne had gotten into with modern, newly made vampires more: the ways we handle guilt, grief, and death are deeply connected to whether we treat death as a part of life or sanitize death and distance ourselves from it.

[haventacluewhatimdoing]

Okay so. Hot take on why the Captain doesn't get a whole episode on his death.

He's ashamed of his death. He's a military man that wished he had died a heroic death. Having a heart attack in front of your former men after breaking into a mansion is not the way he wanted to go. We didn't get to see a whole episode of the events leading up to it because the Captain himself didn't want anybody to know, us (the audience) included.

But it's more than that. The Captain died trying to reach the man he loved. And even in his death, he couldn't find the words, or perhaps understood the consequences to Havers if he did say them. Beyond the internalised homophobia which seems to have now been tentatively resolved, or at least definitely worked on, the Captain still sees himself as a coward. A coward in life for not fighting, a coward in death for not telling Havers how he felt.

The Captain is ashamed of his death. That's why we only get about five minutes of it, towards the very end of the episode. Because he tells the story in a rush, he wants the memory over with as quickly as possible.

Of course, I, like most of the fandom, would have loved a whole episode dedicated to the Captain in series 5. But I think that the way his death was portrayed was true to his own feelings towards it. And in a way, I'm glad that it was only a short snippet. Because that's always how we find out anything about the Captain. He's a guarded man, only letting personal information out occasionally, and even then rushing through the moment of vulnerability to emerge out the other side.

TL;DR: The Captain's death scene is short because the Captain is ashamed of his own death and wants his retelling to be over ASAP.

[lucky-luffy]

So every now and then I see a variation of a post that essentially boils down to "Law is actually just like Doflamingo", which is to say, a cruel and antagonistic person. But honestly? I’ve never really bought that. Like, I get the appeal of framing Law as this colder, more ruthless character, and I have no doubt that he must have seemed that way for One Piece fans that were around back when he first appeared on Sabaody. But following him from Dressrosa, through Wano, and up to what we’ve last seen of him in Egghead? I just find this take genuinely confusing. It’s true that Law, much like Luffy, isn’t always the most altruistic guy unless it’s in service to those he cares about and, often times, Corazon('s memory) and what he perceived to be Corazon’s will of stopping Doflamingo. But it’s clear that he genuinely loves his crew enough to sacrifice his own life for them. It’s just that he’s also, for lack of a better term, a tsundere. He acts gruff around people, rarely smiles, and talks in a sort of commanding manner, his speech pattern always lacking honorifics (with the only exception being Cora-san). He’s not one for showing emotion, but that doesn't mean he can’t feel things deeply. He tries to bottle up his pain and insecurity, and he usually has a pretty decent poker face that only really slips off when he’s frustrated (typically at Luffy or his own crew’s antics). He won’t talk about his dead family. Telling Luffy about Cora was framed as him opening up about something deep at a vulnerable moment, because he decided Luffy deserved some context (it was also necessary for him to say it out loud because the readers also needed this information).

Does Law have similarities to Doflamingo? Sure, he even admits that they share a willingness to kill, even though Law later says in Wano that he doesn’t like to. He’s a doctor, after all. It’s not so much Doffy’s influence as Law’s own past experiences making him see the world as this cruel, cut-throat place and Doffy seeing this as genuine common ground. And he likely could have molded Law into a truly vile and selfish person, if Cora hadn’t intervened. But Cora did, and that's what makes Law’s backstory so uplifting, despite being so tragic. He got a second chance. Of course, Cora couldn’t erase all of his trauma. Law still bears a pessimistic view of the world, and of people, other than the few he lets in. And he doesn’t let anyone get too close because what if he loses them, too? I see Law as someone who wants to love others but is deathly afraid to, and that couldn’t be more unlike Doflamingo as a person.

[presidentdisastraofgallifrey]

Now that I know Six a little better and the way he struggles even more than most incarnations of the Doctor to ever focus on anything but his own experience—

That soft, sad “oh, Romana” in tae really is the equivalent of one of Ten’s heartbroken wet dog speeches

[resident-rats]

what are your writing tips/rules that you mentioned?

Just prefacing this with these are just what I do/what works for me!! Everyone is different. None of it is really based on anything 🕺🏻

• I always try to avoid using someone’s name, a pronoun, or The at the beginning of an opening line. That way it tends to be a bit more creative, and the opening line is important because it is the first thing people read and gives a first impression of the rest of the work

• When writing a sentence I make sure 1) the following sentence does not start with the same word as the previous one (the only time I really break this rule is if I want repetition). 2) It also does not end with the same word as the previous one. 3) I try not to start a sentence with the same last word as the previous one

• Same goes for paragraphs, each one starts with a different word etc

• I also try to avoid using a character’s name or pronoun as much as possible at the beginning of a sentence

• And lastly I try to make sure it looks interesting? Like if I were to black out the sentences would the lines be repetitive or would it look interesting?

Incase I’ve just explained myself horribly lol, in my opinion this is more interesting:

Than this:

Those are all of my silly writing rules™️ anyway. Though they’re not super strict, I’ve definitely broken all of them at some point lol. And also I just do this as a hobby, I’m just winging it

But usually the restrictions on how to start/end sentences help me a lot with creativity and structure, because I need to find different ways of phrasing stuff which I wouldn’t normally think about

ANYWAY I hope this was helpful, and I articulated it okay instead of making it sound like confused ramblings lol. There’s probably more stuff I do which I forgot to mention, but that’s the gist of it anyway. And hey these might be a bit basic idk, but it’s what I stick to 🫡

It’s also definitely worth looking up writing tips etc because everyone has a different approach, and sometimes you will stumble across something you hadn’t considered before and it can be quite beneficial! There are other rules I use that are more legit which I found that way

[charleslee-valentine]

Hey, this is a very random question, but one that has been itching at my brain for a little while.

I first want to start this off by saying that you are genuinely my favourite author for TCM fanfics just in general. Everything you right for that film series is just so spot on and perfect, and I really mean that. I’ve read my fair share of TCM fanfics, and yours come out on top by far.

I do have one little question about how you write Nubbins and Franklin. They’re probably my favourite ship in the whole fandom, and my question was if you headcanon either (or both) of them as asexual.

I’ve just noticed that for other ships you’ll include some form of sexual content (like with Lefty and Drayton, for example), but never with them, and I was just really curious about it.

Obviously I’m not here saying “write smut about characters!!!🤬🤬🤬” because that’s actually insane, but I just wanted to know your thoughts on that. I’m ace myself, so this is coming from a place of pure curiosity.

Anyway, sorry if this is such a weird ask, but it’s just something that I picked up on while binge reading your fics. You’re a seriously talented writer, and I just wanted to know a little more about the thought behind it :-]

I totally understand what you’re sayin’, so no worries there!! I’m on the ace spectrum too!

I love talking about these little dudes so I’ll be happy to share (plus omg thank you for your compliments!! this is so sweet!) I’ll talk about how I see it for them separately and then together!

I like to keep in mind that Franklin probably has Spina Bifida, which can cause sexual dysfunction. That can be through low sex drive, pain, or conditions like erectile dysfunction. While that doesn’t automatically rule sex out, it can make it an extremely draining task for very little payoff. I personally don’t think Franklin would even want to try sex knowing it’s just gonna be frustrating for him. It’s not so much that he doesn’t experience sexual attraction as much as not seeing the point of it for his personal needs. Given the amount of frustration he already deals with, it’s not a priority.

Nubbins I think is more on the asexual spectrum. While at first his hesitance with sex comes from ignorance and not being taught about it, I do think he’d experience at least some sexual desire and want to know more. Once he has someone to navigate that with instead of just “this is a feeling I have and it’s strange and uncomfortable,” he tries to get his grasp on sexuality and struggles somewhat. With Franklin he *wants* to enjoy sexual feelings but it just doesn’t happen. It’s awkward and grabby and as expected with the Sawyers, unsanitary, so I think it just would be something he’s not into in the end combined with his sensory issues. This sort of puts him on the edge of flip-flopping between sexual attraction and sexual repulsion.

Together, they try a few times and both hate it. If there’s any kind of Franknub sex going on, I picture it as a mutual masturbation, you do your thing and I’ll do mine and we don’t really touch each other type of deal. But even that’s rare for them. I also don’t think they’d talk about it much. Nubbins might ask some extremely strange and uncomfortable questions now and again to try to understand it better, especially given how different his body is from Franklins since he’s disabled, but I don’t think they establish anything super clearly. The attitudes they were raised with around sex (Drayton refusing to talk about it at all and Franklin having religion in his family) aren’t even the entire problem, though it does contribute. There’s an aspect of guilt both in doing it at all and then in doing it somehow “wrong” because it’s not really pleasurable for them.

Instead, I think signs of intimacy and trust for them would be largely non sexual, things like making direct eye contact and holding it for several minutes, or spilling blood together (maybe their own, maybe somebody else’s, but either way violence is fascinating and romantic to both of them.) For Franklin, intimacy might be things like Nubbins assisting him the way a caregiver might, because as a disabled person myself, I feel that that is the ultimate sign of trust. For Nubbins, he’d see intimacy as non sexual physical contact like sitting on Franklin or touching his hair or fidgeting with his clothes. Little details are bigger for them than grand gestures and sex is unimportant to their relationship. If things get tense and it happens, it happens, but it’s not necessarily meaningful or particularly loving for them.

(This is all purely my headcanons, not canon analysis! I just thought I’d specify since I make both kinds of posts!)

So yeah in short 1) thank you for being so kind 💕 and 2) I do see Nubbins as asexual, yes, and it impacts the relationship a bit! I don’t like writing about Franknub being sexual much because I don’t see it as something they often bother with and to incorporate all the intricacies of how they experience sex and desire into another narrative wouldn’t do it justice I feel. But I could possibly write something about one of the rare times k bc the future!

[concealeddarkness13]

So...All's Fair is Now a Sci-Fi!

Content warning for mentions of rape and violence and death. Tagging: @ratracechronicler, @maple-writes, @pen-of-roses, @drabbleitout, and @grailfish!

I've been rethinking the plot of All's Fair, thinking about how to change it, to make it feel more manageable and make it better. And I think I've figured it out. Change this story into more of a sci-fi/cyberpunk. I am also merging this story with Irina's story!

Instead of the species ganging up on the humans and putting them into an enclosure, a group of corporations (led by humans and other species) joined together to form an empire that controls the citizens through religion, corporations, and force. A majority of the citizens are relegated to the "undercity" (name pending) where they are exploited and used and have to scrounge for survival.

This empire wants to put all humans and other species under their control, and they are doing a good job of it so far. The only free peoples left are most of the faeries (the Kage aliens from this one but revamped), all of the Venus girdle species, and some groups of humans and Shades who have escaped the empire. Outside of the empire, a lot of the world around it has been destroyed and left a wasteland, so much so that it's hard to travel on your own out there without plenty of supplies. It's why Chess hasn't left the empire herself. But first, let me talk about the species and then how the empire works.

There are three other species besides the humans this time. The Shades are honestly still the same, so I won't go into details there. The faeries rarely ever show their true form, but I imagine it looks similar to the Snakes, with scales, fangs, slit pupils, and tails. They have powers that if their prey is within a certain distance of them, they can give an order, and that prey has to obey it. They can do some devastating things with that power. They drink blood now, but their young are parasites that eat a full humanoid as they grow.

The Venus girdles are very similar to their original iteration as adults, but as young, they are small enough to infect an insect and eat its brain, which they then use the zombie insect to go to a human or other species and inject their young. Which that young will eat the humanoid's brain first and then slowly eat the rest of the insides until the young bursts out of the corpse fully formed. Their "hair" as an adult is how they eat a humanoid's soul (don't have to eat a full soul, and they usually don't), which also causes a feeling of euphoria in the humanoid. All of the species honestly generally target humans because humans don't have magic (unsure if that's true or not), so they're not as dangerous.

The empire has the wealthy corporation owners or other aristocrats who live extravagantly in the skyscrapers that look down on the undercity. A lot of the humans, especially the wealthy ones, are deeply connected to the Celestial religion, which states that the Celestials left humanity because humans were too violent, so it preaches peace and condemning and ignoring those who don't follow that peace. Which this religion will be a big deal in this story, with the Celestials just being more plot-important in general. There are cops to enforce the empire's will, but what most people fear are the soldiers. Victims of the cyborg experiments which are now fully endorsed by the empire who were taken at young ages, and a chip was put into their brain which allows their overseers to control them. Controlled and brainwashed soldiers who are used to "cleanse" the undercity and to fight the species and humans who are trying to remain free. The magic is still about the same. Naivi is trying to find a way to make the magic less harmful to the victims. I think now it's time to talk about the characters.

So, of course, the first person I must talk about Chess. I still want to keep most of her trauma and how she sees the world because I love the character she's become, and I don't want to take that from her. Her original name was Ezra Vesperia. Her parents were murdered when she was 10, and the government immediately took her to become a victim of the experiments. Aeflin took special interest in her because she was strong and angry and fought back against the species' powers even before she got the chip that made her immune to that. I will talk about Aeflin's plans in her paragraph, but Aeflin still wants to use Chess as her special weapon. Chess was sent out to fight the species (probably did get sent to "cleanse" the undercity as well at one point), and when she was 20, the Venus girdles sent a swarm of their young to the soldiers, and Chess got infected, but one of her friends in her squad (Torryn, I think) used his lightning magic to try and kill the young in Chess, but the young had already ate through the chip, and when the lightning hit her and killed the young, it hurt her as well, causing her to have a seizure. The overseers decided to just abandon her as defective, but a Shade decided to heal her and take away all her memories. Which he then sent her to Ashont who did the things that he did to her in the original before dumping her in the undercity the next morning. The residents hate her and fear her and call her a monster, because her prosthetics are a symbol of the very empire that hurts them. And she is hurt and abused and doesn't really trust anyone. There are a few people who try to help her, and she does meet Vortex and help him and make friends with him, but mostly it's just people either trying to use her or hurt her. And it's the only life she knows now. She will meet Creed somehow in this story. And she will meet Naivi and still have the rivals to lovers with her. And I'm thinking that the rebellion against the empire decides to use her as the image of the rebellion without her permission, and she has to deal with that as well as Aeflin trying to find her again once she learns that Chess is still alive. (I promise the rest of these character paragraphs won't be so long, lol)

Vesper is the daughter of some nobles, and her faith is extremely important to her. With Maisa's advice, she has come to believe that leaving behind the people of the undercity will be the only way to become the peaceful humans the Celestials want, so she makes speeches about that, about focusing on peace over trying to help anyone who has been hurt by violence. She believes that when the Celestials come back, they will heal all the pain and strife. She will learn better and become a more active advocate who condemns the passivity of what she had been preaching. There is a certain reason why Maisa has shown interest in her.

Thorne was born of two soldiers, and when the overseers learned that his mother was pregnant, they killed her and cut him out to kill in front of his father, but someone decided to let him live, and he grew up dumped in the undercity (not sure how that all happened, but we'll figure it out). He despises the empire and thinks it should be all burned down. He met Jude when he was stealing from Jude's parents' mansion, and they have been friends ever since. They are part of the rebellion, and they are known as the demon twins.

Creed is a "project" that a noble couple took into their home to prove that the citizens of the undercity totally have opportunities. He has proceeded to be the biggest nuisance, but if they drop him, they disprove their "project". He'll probably meet Chess at a bar, but I don't think they knew each other before she lost her memories. He is also half-Shade.

Killian is a hurt Celestial who has come to the surface of the world to help where he can, since he can't fight and protect the planet anymore. He is a tattoo artist who gathers information, and some days, he goes outside the empire to talk with Primary's seed and plant plants and trees where he can to help heal the earth. He knows too much and can't meddle too much, but he'll do what he can.

Irina is the daughter of the CEOs of an android company. She has always shown empathy towards androids, and she ran away when her parents became too much. She ran away with her beloved dog, Briar, but Briar got an illness and was going to die too young, so Irina paid for an android dog that looked exactly like Briar and would have her memories. She paid fully for her, but the company decided after a few months that they needed to take Briar back, and Irina has been on the run ever since. At some point, she will become infected with a Venus girdle young, but she'll talk to the young and try to see if they can coexist. This infection will cause one of her eyes to turn gold (part of one of Chess's eyes is gold too).

Vortex is an android made by Irina's parents' company. He was first made as a pleasure android for the wealthy, but he was abused and hurt and raped, and when he finally fought back, the company took him back and punished him and rebranded him as a hunter for the people stealing from the company (like Irina is considered). I will say that the day that he fought back, he does meet Chess and becomes friends with her, and they remain friends. He'll make sure to tell the other androids that Chess is really nice if they need someone. When he learns that Irina isn't abusing Briar, and that she did pay fully for Briar, he finds loopholes in his orders that allow him to not capture Briar.

Maisa is one of the leaders of the empire, but he prefers to work in the shadows, so no one knows that he is a leader. He was around when the Celestials were still on this world, and he hates them. The Celestials showed special treatment towards the humans, so he wants to use human suffering and death to convince them to come back so he can kill them and prove that the empire is better than the so-called gods. He took special interest in Vesper because she is actually half-Celestial, but he took her powers secretly, so she doesn't have them anymore. He gave the contained powers to...

Aeflin! Everyone's favorite bubbly scientist who is such an asshole is still here. She wants to be able to dissect a Celestial, and she will do anything to let that happen. She knows how to fix the prosthetics to give the victims good magic, but she will only do that for her weapon once she has absolute control over her. And she chose Chess for the job. She's been planning on having Chess receive the half-Celestial powers and receive her overpowered fire magic so she can go fight a Celestial, under Aeflin's control, of course. She doesn't care about the politics of it all, she's just excited to finally dissect a Celestial.

And last, but not least. Naivi. She is a half-faerie. Her mother was taken by a faerie and taken to their city and treated as a pet and raped and is still stuck there. She doesn't even really know what's going on. Naivi saw the truth and the horror of how the faeries were treating humans, and she ran away and joined the empire because she believes that only by being under the empire's rule and laws will humans be safe from the other species. So, she enthusiastically works on the prosthetics experiments to bring everyone fighting against the empire under their control. She despises the free species and thinks that they just want to be able to abuse humans any way they want. She does think that the victims of the experiments are volunteers who want to be here, and she doesn't know about the controlling chips, and she would be horrified if she knew, but she has a lot of learning and growing before she'll be able to be lovers with Chess. It'll be fun!

And I think that's about it! The aesthetic is a little more cyberpunk too. I think Chess will wear a muzzle sometimes, either of her own choice or because the cops catch her and put one on her. And she still has her long, green, curly hair, but she'll have an undercut to one side. And that's all I can think of for right now! Thanks for reading!

[rosewinterborn]

I don't see you hate things a lot tbh

I try try not to hate on things online. Partially because i don't want to kill someone else's good time over something dumb (because its rarely someone who deserves or should even care about my opinion) and partially also because if i ever get called out for being unnecessarily mean the RSD will rise from the deep and swallow me whole :P

Irl I frequently evaluate what I've said, usuallybto my husband, (over the course of a conversation, or an afternoon, or a week) and feel like i must have been a deeply unpleasant person to interact with because every other sentence was a criticism or a complaint. I think its usually a sign that i need something self-care related and I'm too burned out to do it.

[angelbaby-fics]

Hi Chloe sweetie. I am assuming we have heard the same news. I feel like I do not really have words. I am disgusted. I am disturbed. I am disappointed. This site is a place to express yourself, find like minded individuals and foster a community. But this is wrong. There is so much to discuss about all of this, but I feel it needs to be a community wide discourse of the application of fictional characters into fics and arts. However, I feel like nothing I can say right now will be enough or correct.

I wanted to check in on you. Are you okay? I will be here if you need to talk.

-♡

thank you so much darling 🥺💕

fortunately (or unfortunately i guess) i've been around fandom spaces on the internet for so darn long that this kind of stuff starts feeling inevitable rather than surprising. its so exhausting & it doesn't make it any easier to deal with whenever it happens & i hate that i get jaded to this kind of thing tbh. idk.

i don't know what to do about it. i want to be proactive & save the world & everybody in it from harm & stress but every time crap like this happens it gets more & more disheartening... like what can i even do??

idk... just channel my energy into making this safe space here so maybe people can know that not every corner of the internet is abysmal and depraved. i dont know if its selfish to be drawing attention to myself at a time like this but i just want everybody to know that this blog will always be a 100% safe space, a place of love and understanding and most importantly open communication. even if my brain is frazzled by everything right now and i'm sure i'm not articulating even 10% of what i have to say on the subject, i wanna thank you for sending this (as well as, ofc, every single message you send my dear), and at least to some degree opening up this discussion to my little section of tumblr 💕

i'm okay, i want everybody else to be ok too. i'm here for anybody to talk, but if its alright with you guys (and i say this broadly, meaning not just moots but everybody who wants to send me a message), i'd like our discussions to stay on the positive side, i wanna be a reminder that fandom can still be a nice and comfortable place with the right people & mindsets okay? i love you guys. i'm in a good mood today despite everything and i wanna spread some positivity, so please feel free to send asks or even dms if you need a bit of light today. i love you guys.

[ontheground17]

I wasn’t a latchkey kid, so I can’t exactly speak on how exactly one would feel in that situation, but I feel like this is a situation which requires a nuanced approach.

I don’t necessarily think this is a bad parenting style, but I don’t think it’s right all the time. Especially because, to some extent, it doesn’t really matter how the child felt about growing up as a latchkey kid.

You can say you had a good childhood as a latchkey kid, and genuinely mean it, but my parents could’ve let me drop out of school and eat whatever I want whenever I wanted and I could still say I had a good childhood. Because I was happy for most of it.

But that’s where the nuance comes in. Because dropping out of school and eating whatever you want has an active effect on your future, but latchkey parenting doesn’t really. You just don’t run the same risks. Which is why it’s interesting (and important!!) to get the kids opinions.

In theory, I think latchkey parenting is actually a good thing, because it teaches kids independence and how to survive on their own, without having to throw them in the deep end right away. But in practice, the world is a dangerous place, and as a parent, are you willing to take that chance? Should you even take that chance? There are so many horror stories about kids being left alone at home and being hurt, would you really want to increase the risk that it could be your child?

Beyond that, latchkey parenting tends to, at least in fiction, go hand in hand with a sort of hands off parenting style, which is definitely not good.

I think latchkey parenting could be really beneficial for a lot of kids, but I also do think it has a time and place, and it’s not without risks. So I’m not willing to say definitely that’s it’s positive or neutral in my mind.

I think this really depends on the fandom you're in or your personal history with the situation but I'm wildly curious what the general thoughts are. to be clear, when I say latchkey, I mean there were no adults in your house until the evening/after work, and you were at home by yourself until then. personally, I was a latchkey kid growing up, and I loved it. I got to wander wherever I wanted after school and then I could lounge around the house until my parents came home unbothered. on the other hand, I do LOVE torturing my latchkey blorbos with neglect and loneliness....

reblog for more vote range!! ooh and tell me in the tags your staple latchkey activity~

[venus-ratt]

Gangle is in her own personal hell - Analysis

I want to talk about something that's been on my mind for a long time, and this new episode helped consolidate.

First, we need to talk about the tape room scene. We know this isn't some random corporate employee training video, but something she personally put together (not sure when or how, but that doesn't matter) and it reveals a lot about herself. I've seen people discussing how she projects giving up her dreams, but I want to pause right here.

The second Jax responds with "no," things get serious. That's what triggers the restraints and the brainwashing video. What stands out to me is the "why not?" The line delivery is creepy, but she also seems concerned. Like she can't even fathom the idea of not wearing a smile in the workplace and it's something that needs to be fixed as quickly as possible. Which brings us to the next point:

Gangle used to cope in her old life by masking.

We see her doing this throughout the episode. Around others, she puts on a happy face and forces an enthusiastic attitude, but the second she is left alone, the mask slips. Literally.

I wonder if her attempt to brainwash Jax was a reflection of how she was hammered with the idea that all her negative feelings should stay hidden, no matter what. We don't know for sure who pushed this onto her. Perhaps it has to do with the way she was raised, or something she learned in her workplace, or maybe it was self imposed.

Which makes her current situation at the circus just cruel.

Imagine waking up in a body that's not yours, in a headache-inducing, colorful hell, surrounded by people you don't know who tell you that you're here forever. And you try to cope by forcing a smile because that's what you always do, but the second you take a wrong step, you find yourself unable to do so. It doesn't matter how hard you try: you can't stop crying. Now you're stuck with the ugly, vulnerable version of yourself, the one you tried to hide all your life, for everyone to see.

People talk about the characters coping in different ways, but the circus straight-up ripped away the only way she knew how to cope.

[crypticsketchpad]

uhhhhhhhhhh emotion ocs. bcuz why not. going back to my cringe ship kid roots /lh

first is Excitement (she/her; Joy x Anxiety)! as her name suggests, she is very energetic and enthusiastic, always looking forward to the future and all the fun things it will bring.

hyperactive, overly excitable, and driven by adrenaline; will often act without thinking

anxiety is typically the one to reel her in and keep her in check

loves theme parks, thrill rides, field trips, and just generally getting to go out and have fun

i think her voiceclaim would be like. kristen schaal or something lmao. might change that but i think it fits

these guys are less developed but i like them so i'm sharing them anyways! here's Paranoia (he/they; Fear x Anxiety) and Restlessness (he/they; Ennui x Fear).

Paranoia specifically represents the feeling you get after watching a scary movie and beginning to think there's a monster in your house, leading you to check behind every door for things lurking and whatnot. (or maybe that's just a me thing..? idk SGDSKHSLKLSDH)

mouth can open VERY wide. gator boy

is it hair or antennae? the world may never know. theyre basically like what Fear has going on with his singular hair(?) strand

very jumpy and jittery, often has trouble sleeping; will most likely scream if disturbed in literally any situation

specializes in worst-case-scenario projections, which often turn out to be on the more outlandish end

transmasc!! hell yeah

Restlessness is physically incapable of sleeping, which tends to cause problems for the rest of the mind when he's in charge of the console. they tend to take over on days when Ennui, Fear, or Anxiety are the most active emotions.

paces a lot; leaves trails of glowing footsteps wherever he walks that get brighter the more he walks in one place (they do fade away eventually)

one of the tallest emotions, around Embarrassment's height; has a habit of constantly tilting their head back when standing, so their nose makes them even taller

hair coils and uncoils passively as if it has a mind of its own; will coil up tightly when he's stressed, and mostly straighten out when calm (a rare occasion)

Paranoia 🤝 Restlessness = the insomnia brothers

also transmasc. we love to see it

*you might already have seen Restlessness in this post by @ronniesbizzareblog!! go check it out it has great IO artwork

[zukosdualdao]

i did want to reply to say i definitely don’t begrudge you or anyone else this! if that’s what a happier and more satisfying post-canon arc for you for any reason, including personal experience, more power to you!

my issue tends to be that it feels like the fandom at large seems to think that a reconciliation between them is the Only valid ending to their relationship dynamic, and there is sometimes unnecessary pushback against the idea that maybe that’s not the case. but there are people like zuko with these kind of fractured and abusive relationships with their family that won’t ever be able to reconcile, whether because the person isn’t willing to put in the work or there is just too much history between them even if they try. and i think it’s important that there are stories and characters that reflect that sometimes you might not be able to repair those relationships, but that you can still go on to have a full and meaningful and happy life.

it’s time for me to admit that i find a post-canon in which azula and zuko don’t reconcile just as (and maybe more) cathartic than what seems like a large fandom consensus that the only happy/cathartic ending is for them to be on good terms down the road. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[meanbossart]

How did your DU drow react when he got told he had to kill his spouse? and then when he went to wake up Astarion and get tied up? I think I just wanna know how your DU drow mentally/emotionally is doing during and after that part, and when talking to Astarion afterward, I'm a sucker for hearing about those deep kinds of moments (hopefully that makes sense?) Also, how did your DU react when you met Kressa Bonedaughter and learned all about what was done to him (again, I know none of the companions really comment on literally something horrible being told such a shame, honestly) but how would you say or think that Astarion and Shadowheart might have reacted hearing that info? Again, thank you for all your art and for answering these questions! PS: (I really don't care if your answer is super long; I WILL EAT IT UP)

Sooo for the first question, I wanna preface by saying that I personally don't think their relationship was that in depth yet, at that point. Yes, DU drow enjoyed Astarion's company and relied on him in a similar way which he relied on Shadowheart. And also yes, Astarion saw DU drow as the first person who ever took him and his agency seriously - but I think feelings were still in their infancy. DU drow's mind was a mess through and through; he drank constantly to keep his urge at bay, he kept his distance from everyone most of the time, and when he did seek out comfort in either Shadowheart or Astarion (the non-sexual kind, they didn't really fuck at all), it was a kind of primal instinct and desperate longing for companionship - if you asked him if he was in love with anyone, however, he would have said no.

Similarly, while I think Astarion's act 2 confession is sincere, I also think that he's being sincere when he says that he doesn't know what you are yet. You're not really a lover, but you aren't a victim, either; what you are is a person who he would rather not have to murder eventually, and as someone who has had their empathy squeezed out throughout the course of two centuries, that's meaningful enough. He may fantasize about the best case scenario for you two - but he has no expectations that whatever this is will last. But it is nice, for the time being.

So the "murder your darling" scene, rather than a proof of love and trust, is to me the turning point where:

A) DU drow has to come to terms with the fact that he doesn't have as much control over the Urge as he thought, and B) When Astarion snaps out of his care-free, just-go-with-the-flow nature around his plan and this relationship. They both realize they bit off more than they could chew and are now caught in each other's crossfire.

Which is to say that I don't read Astarion's words of comfort to him as entirely honest - specially when you compare it to certain dialogue deliveries later in the game. I think he's still, to a degree, telling you what you need to hear so that you hold out for just a bit longer and kill Cazador. You probably can't be together forever as he idly fantasized about once or twice, when he let his mind wander - but god damn it, he needs to at least be free, and it seems like you have bloodlust to spare to make that happen.

Meanwhile, DU drow finally comes to confront the fact that he is not in control. Doesn't matter how hard he tries or how much he drinks, the urge will do to him as it will, and when it wishes. It stops being fun and it gets scary, from that moment on.

But here's who did stop it: Astarion. Where alcohol fell short and his willpower failed, Astarion stepped in.

So, more interesting than the scene itself to me, is how from that point on DU drow would have no choice but put his trust entirely on the vampire to control him. He ties him up, he keeps an eye on him, he has full spoken-word permission to kill him if necessary - he is forced to be as vulnerable at humanly possible under his hand, every night. Regardless of whether or not DU drow realizes that Astarion is doing it for his own reasons, he doesnt care, because Astarion has now become his rock and his bondage - hell, if Astarion does have a reason to keep him alive that's all the better; someone else might just slit DU drow's throat and be done with the concern altogether.

And so, it's only from that point on that DU drow truly starts to see Astarion as an equal, and even a partner. He's thinking that, if his whole life has to be like this, at least he has someone who can handle it.

Astarion, meanwhile, I believe only comes to truly consider (and wish for) DU drow's freedom after he's free from Cazador - and after he bestows that freedom upon his siblings and the other spawn. That's when he finally understands the length of DU drow's devotion to him and the value of freewill as a concept- and how he wants it for both of them, instead of being content with his own.

Not to mention... I think in Astarion's mind he was 100% not going to survive Cazador LOL so when he succeeds he's like "oh shit I guess anything is fucking possible huh. Yeah fuck it lets go fight your dad, also I've decided I want you for realsies, now."

Anyways, can you believe I thought this was gonna be a short ask. Here have a doodle I made while thinking about all this bullshit:

As for Kressa, I got an ask about that before but I can't find it now LOL to summarize; he was pissed, angered, and in a far more personal level embarrassed to have had his dirty laundry aired (AKA, victimized) in that way in front of the others - but this isn't something he would have expressed outwardly, and I think both Shadowheart and Astarion would have known better than to inquire him about it. It's not really something he would have sought out comfort for in anyone, so, I think the subject died as soon as Kressa did. In this case, their lack of commentary was completely appropriate - If they had reached out in any way (which would have been, in my opinion, completely out of character) DU drow would have shut them out with a quickness.

[dandylovesturtles]

havin' all these Splinter and Leo thoughts. augh.

this is partly the fault of @/turtleblogatlast's post about Leo just wanting to make Splinter proud.

post-movie

...

Seven days post-invasion, and Leo is feeling (relatively) pretty good. Sure, he's still on a truly ridiculous amount of painkillers and he can't walk two steps without collapsing, but he's able to stay awake and talk to his family and considering where he thought he would be right about now, well... that's everything.

So yeah, he's feeling pretty good. He just finished his lunch of soup and a protein shake, warm and a little drowsy while he listens to April talk about some of the more ridiculous conspiracy theories that have started spreading on the surface. Donnie's tinkering with one of his smaller inventions while he listens, Mikey is nestled in Raph's lap, and everything is calm and cozy in their makeshift medbay.

And then his dad walks in and says, "I would like to talk to Blue, please. Alone."

And suddenly Leo doesn't feel so good anymore.

"Aha, wait," he says quickly, reaching out and grabbing April's sleeve just before she rises from her chair. "Whatever it is, you can say it in front of everyone, right?"

Splinter shakes his head. "This is a conversation I think it is best we have in private." He makes a shooing motion at the others, and April pulls her sleeve from Leo's fingers with a helpless shrug.

"See ya in a few, Leo," she says, then walks out. The others look from Splinter, to him, then back to Splinter, and one by one they each get up and shuffle out, too, with their own hasty farewells.

Traitors, every single one of them.

The door closes, and Leo finds himself alone with Splinter for the first time since coming back from Staten Island. Or at least, the first time he can remember. He was pretty out of it the first few days; most of what he remembers is muddled and confused. And embarrassing. He cried a lot more than he'd care to admit.

Splinter hops into chair April was sitting in and pulls it closer; he has to stay standing to be anywhere near eye level with Leo. He wishes he could read Splinter's face, but his expression is giving nothing away. Sometimes it's easy to forget he spent a not-insignificant part of his life as an actor, until something like this happens.

Leo decides to speak before he can. Head him off at the pass, or something.

"If you're going to yell at me, just remember my eardrums are already damaged."

Which is true - turns out being 1, too close to an exploding alien spaceship and 2, getting punched in the head repeatedly by an alien very mad about said exploding spaceship is bad for the ears, even when you don't have outer ears like a human. So super loud noises are a bad idea right now, and thus Leo cannot be yelled at. Flawless logic; maybe he can keep using that every time he gets in trouble.

For the first time, his dad's expression shifts, just a little. A deeper frown, a heavier set to his brow.

"You think I came in here to yell at you?"

Leo feels his stomach twist. Does he have to spell it out? "I mean, didn't you? That's usually what kicking everyone else out is leading up to."

"I see..." Splinter is still unreadable, looking a little too intensely at Leo. "And what do you think I want to yell at you about?"

He really does want it spelled out. Leo suddenly realizes that there won't be any yelling because this is his punishment: to admit everything he's done, to speak all his sins for his dad's ears. Lay it all out in his own tongue and show that he understands, really and truly, the depths of his screwups.

Oh, he understands. He understands it so well he may choke on the words.

"...For losing the key," he says finally, and it stings on its way out. He hasn't talked about it since it happened; every time he tries to say anything to the others, they shush him, saying, "It's okay, Leo, everything is fine now."

It's not okay, and everything isn't fine, and this is when he finally hears about it.

Finally, an identifiable emotion on Splinter's face: horror, dawning clear and present. And Leo doesn't understand that, because doesn't Splinter know he lost the key? He was there for that conversation, wasn't he? Leo's memories of that day have grown a little hazy between the drugs and the recovery and the fact that thinking about it for too long makes him go fuzzy around the edges, but he's pretty sure he remembers Splinter being there. He flicked popcorn at Leo's head. He probably should have done more than that; maybe then Leo wouldn't have made such a mess of things.

Splinter doesn't say anything right away, just stares at Leo with that horrified expression, and the silence is so scary that Leo starts filling it without even thinking.

"I was kidding about the whole... not yelling at me thing. I know I deserve it. I mean, I was fooling around, doing what you and Raph told me not to do, and I doomed the whole world doing it! Some leader I am, right? And I know I'm not exactly your favorite son to begin with, and that's fair, because I keep letting you down, but this is definitely my worst screwup to date, and you yell at me when I don't close the fridge door all the way or throw balls around the TV room so why wouldn't you yell at me for destroying the planet, right...?"

His voice peters out at the end, too hoarse to continue. That's the most words he's strung together over the last week, and for the first time he's glad for his injuries, for stopping him from spewing any more embarrassing word vomit just to fill the air.

Splinter is still looking at him with that same horrified expression. If anything, he just looks more upset, which means that Leo at least accomplished his goal.

Leo's waiting for the yelling to start, but when Splinter finally says something, it's, "You think I have a favorite son?" throwing Leo for a loop once again.

"Uh, yeah?" he says, because that's all there is to say. He's always assumed it's Donnie - the "funny one", the one who fixes Splinter's TV when it's broken, and the only one of them likely to get a real job and move out of the house. But even if it's not Donnie, it's gotta be Mikey, or Raph. His brothers are amazing and talented, and all Leo has ever been good at is winning the Lair Games.

Splinter closes his eyes a moment, and when he opens them his face moves back to a more neutral expression. "I do not have a favorite son," he says, firm and serious. "I love all of you just the same."

Leo thinks that can't be true - if it is, he feels bad for the other guys. But he doesn't think he can just say that, so he says, "Yeah, Dad, of course," instead.

Splinter looks a bit crestfallen. "You don't believe me?" he asks, and shoot. Leo has no idea how to respond to that.

"...I know you love us," is what he says. And that's true, it is! He just doesn't know how his dad could like him as much as the others.

Splinter's expression turns sad. He reaches out and lays a furry hand on Leo's arm, careful of his bandages and all the many wires he's hooked to. "You think you doomed the world?"

"I lost the key," Leo repeats. "It was all my fault. It's why I had to..." His voice fumbles over the words, and he revises. "It's why it had to be me."

Splinter's mouth twists. He climbs out of the chair and onto the mattress, careful not to jostle Leo as he settles down on his knees.

"Blue," he says softly, gently palming Leo's face this time. "None of this was your fault."

Leo's stomach twists again. He thought he was being punished, but somehow this is worse.

"Yes it was," he argues. "I lost the key," for the third time, "and... and I ignored the order to retreat, and got Raph captured, and and and, I ignored the guys and tried to force our way into Metro Tower, and it was me who told Donnie to try to fly that stupid ship, and because of me Mikey had to-"

"Leonardo," says Splinter, sharp, and Leo goes silent. His dad looks devastated, but he keeps his hand on Leo's cheek, brushing with his thumb, and for the first time Leo realizes his skin is wet. Splinter sighs heavily, his entire frame seeming to droop with the weight of it.

"Leonardo," he repeats, softly this time. "You did not doom the world."

"But-"

A furry finger on his lip quiets him.

"You did not doom the world," Splinter repeats, once again firm and serious. "You did not take the theft of the key seriously, because you did not know what it was, the threat it represented. But it was the Foot Clan who chose to use that key, fully knowing what evil it would unleash. That is not on you, my son. The responsibility falls squarely on them."

Leo doesn't know how much he can believe that - isn't it their job to stop the Foot Clan? But Splinter looks so sure as he says it, and his hand is still tender on Leo's cheek, and for the first time a little bit of doubt seeps into Leo's heart, telling him that maybe, just maybe, this wasn't all his fault after all.

But still...

"Even if that's true," he says, with heavy emphasis on the if, "everything I did after that-"

"You are young," his dad interrupts. "You are inexperienced. You are learning. And the amount of growth you showed us all, even over just that one day... You shined as brightly as I know you can."

Again, Leo's stomach does a twist - but it's a happier one, this time. Splinter's voice is sincere, leaving no room for doubt, and Leo can almost, almost believe that this is true, that his dad has believed in him from the very beginning. Has seen something in him, whatever it was that led him to make Leo the leader, that lead to him putting trust in Leo.

He just wishes he felt like he'd done more to earn it.

"You did not doom the world," says his dad again. "You saved it. But, it never should have been like that to begin with. You should never have been facing down such a fierce foe so young, especially as alone as you boys were. And you-"

His voice becomes choked up, and Leo's heart lurches.

"You... sacrificed yourself to save us all. I... I am your father, and I... could not protect you."

He's crying. His dad is crying, and Leo feels panic, reaching out to try and stop this.

"Dad-"

"No." Splinter holds up a hand, giving his head a hard shake. "All I ever wanted for you boys was to save you from the sacrifices asked of our family. And yet I could not - and for that, you paid dearly. You almost paid the ultimate price, and we almost lost you forever."

A thick knot forms in Leo's throat, and he can barely get out, "I'm okay, Dad, I'm here."

"Yes you are." Splinter squeezes his shoulder desperately. "You are here. You are safe. But that doesn't change that it should not have been you to begin with."

Leo watches in dawning horror as Splinter steps back, then kneels over on the mattress.

"This is why I came in here, Blue. Not to yell at you. To apologize."

He presses his forehead against the sheets.

"I am so sorry that I could not protect you."

He's crying. So is Leo, openly now. He reaches out for his dad, fumbling for his shoulders and urging him to straighten up.

"No, Dad... This wasn't your fault!"

"But-"

"No! It was just... it was just a really, really shitty thing that happened, okay? It was the Foot Clan, and the Krang, but it wasn't- it wasn't..."

Splinter raises his face and looks at him, and suddenly the words he's been trying to get Leo to believe for the last several minutes barrel into him and Leo crumbles.

"...I didn't have to do it," he says.

"No." Splinter gets up, coming closer. "You had nothing to atone for. You did it because you are brave, and you are kind, but this was never yours to fix."

Leo sucks in one harsh breath, then another, and then he's sobbing harder than he ever has in his life, and his dad hugs him tight, his arms warm and his fur soft where Leo buries his face in his shoulder.

All the feelings he's pushed aside - the ones he didn't think he had the right to feel, because he'd had to do it, he had to make up for his mistakes - bubble over, gripping him with grief and despair but also relief, that he's still here to cry and be hugged by his dad.

"I was so scared."

"I know."

"I thought I wouldn't see you guys again."

"I know. We thought we had lost you, too."

"I just... I didn't know what else to do... I couldn't let him... I couldn't..."

"Shhh, it's alright. It's over now. We're all safe."

Leo hugs his dad back, as tightly as he can with his injuries, and sobs and sobs until he's all out of tears. And all along, his dad tells him he is safe, he is good, and he is loved.

Later, Leo feels even better than he had before.