#i hope that made sense i’m in so much pain rn

[amethyst-crowns]

i’m intrigued, what is the migraine cap? I get migraines and I tie a scarf around my eyes and wrap an ice pack over the top of my head. Steve’s migraine cap looks a bit like a pair of boxers

Also, hope your migraine retreats soon 💕

OH MY FRIEND LET ME ENLIGHTEN YOU

THIS is the migraine cap.

it’s basically the scarf + ice pack combo but alllll over your head with consistent cooling and pressure

i have had migraines for years and i’d been known to fall asleep with an ice pack pressed against my forehead and facedown onto my fist for the pressure. this does that. it’s like memory foam/gel esc inside so it stays cool (could also put it in the fridge but it almost gets a bit too cold for me) and it’s t i g h t around your head. it looks goofy as hell but as we know (the migraine havers of the world) we dgaf as long as it helps. and i’d say it does! if anything it helps keep the pressure on it so i can fall asleep. and if it’s a more mild one - the cap + some Advil Migraine (hella rec too) can sometimes knock it out. anyways - i’m a huge supporter of the migraine cap. PLUS it’s on amazon for not that expensive.

currently wearing it as we speak and it felt fitting that i hc one of the kids to get it for steve as a joke (cause goofy af) and he ends up wearing it unironically and LOVING IT.

[balls-in-yo-jaws69]

I leave tumblr for TWO DAYS and all I see is an absolute mess when I’m back

I get being put off by the patreon but THREATS??? That’s way too fucking far.

[mactavishsgfandwife]

saw that ur reqs r open, and i love all ur work sooo here i am lol

what would the tf141 boys be like w a reader who’s into horror? (i was thinking reader is like rlly sweet but loves playing horror video games or smth, but u can interpret it however u want!)

i can js imagine johnny freaking out when he sees reader playing like,,silent hill or smth. or resident evil 7 (can u tell im a horror game nerd lol)

but yeah! js a silly little idea i had, feel free not to write it if u don’t want to! have a good day, ily!

TF141 Watching a Horror Movie With You 🎃

hi omg this is such a cute concept!! thank you so much for the support, you have no idea how much i appreciate it! i have so many ideas for them with someone who loves horror movies so that’s what this post is about (i hope that’s ok :( ) but i’ll try to write about horror games another time because that’s such a cute concept! i just have lots of ideas for this one rn so i thought i’d do it first female reader, fluff, not proofread <3

Simon "Ghost" Riley thinks it’s cute that you love horror movies. He spends half his life in a real-life horror, he’s seen things that you could never imagine. Teasingly calls you a ‘psycho’ for just sitting there happily, cuddled up to him as you watch something absolutely terrifying go down on the screen.

Simon is a pain in the ass to watch certain horror movies with, because if guns or fighting are involved then he will make sure to point out to you exactly what the directors got wrong.

"He’s holding it wrong… if I even… Price’d never let me hear t’end of it," he mumbles, not talking to anyone in particular.

When you cuddle on the sofa, if you’re laying face down on his chest, he loves to keep one hand on your ass. Sometimes, if something does make him jump, he’ll squeeze it out of instinct.

People don’t usually expect it but you’re very good with scary stuff, you rarely ever get spooked out. But sometimes you do, especially if you’re tired and it’s late.

Once, after you’d watched a film, you went to get ready for bed and Simon went ‘to eat something’. Even when you were all changed and ready for bed, he still hadn’t returned, and so - twiddling your fingers together for reassurance - you peeked out into the darkened hallway.

Only for a 6'4" soldier in a skull mask, wielding a cup of tea, to jump out at you from behind.

You screamed, stumbling back in a state of panicked confusion, about to cry out for Simon when you came to your senses and realised that the masked intruder was Simon.

He stood there, laughing his ass off, until he realised that you were obviously very on edge and a little bit teary eyed.

"C’mere…" he sighed, placing down his tea to take you into his arms, "i’m sorry, baby girl, please don’t cry…" Your heart was racing and you were debating whether or not to slap him, but you knew he didn’t mean to upset you. And you were happy so long as he made up for it.

Soap Mactavish claims that he’s not scared of anything. Nooo, no way, he’s not scared. He’s so not scared that he’s looking away and squeezing your hand.

Poor guy is so easily jumpscared, it makes you giggle.

"You sure this i’nt going t’be too scary for you, bonnie?" he coos, placing an arm around your shoulder as he half-watches the film that has plunged into a strange silence. He’s definitely trying (and failing) to be subtle as he flexed his muscular arms a little bit, in an attempt to show off.

"Oh yeah, don’t worry," you nod sweetly, smiling up at him.

"I’m just saying, angel, if you need to bury your head into my chest, or if you can’t look, then that’s okay, you just go ahead and make yourself comfortable. I’m a soldier, I could easily take on any- Shit! Fucking hell!" he jumps, squealing and then clearing his throat in a poor attempt to disguise it.

"You sure this isn’t going to be too scary for you, bonnie baby..?" you tease, kissing his cheek.

"Lay off it," he pouts, blushing a little bit as he nuzzles his face into your hair.

Alsoooo Johnny is a fiend for feeling you up when you’re watching a film together. He sees it as a perfect opportunity to get to know his pretty lass a little bit better.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick’s favourite part of movie night is the food. He loves takeaway (he’s definitely a Nando’s lover) but his absolute favourite food is your home cooking. When he was asked his favourite food when he was younger, he was always the one kid who would say "whatever my mum makes!" and now he’s an adult it’s just the same, but "whatever my girlfriend makes!" Whenever he realises you’re going to watch a film, whether you invited him or not, he will call out to you from the other room to "HOLD ON!" as he grabs snacks and drinks for the two of you.

Gaz isn’t too easily creeped out, but it happens. He’ll never admit that it’s because he was scared, but you’ve definitely noticed him ‘accidentally’ leaving the hallway light on. If it wasn’t an ‘accident’, then he obviously did it so that you wouldn’t feel scared in the night. He probably realises that you can see right through him, but you always say you believe him, just to make him feel better.

Kyle’s favourite horror movie series is Paranormal Activity, because it’s a so-bad-it’s-good kind of thing. He loves sitting in bed, eating popcorn, with you in his lap, laughing til you cry at all his jokes about how horrendously made the films are. Once, he was taking the piss out of how bad the film you were watching was and then immediately got jumpscared. He even let out a weird noise in shock - he didn’t hear the end of it for weeks.

Even if he’s not cuddling you as close as possible, Gaz loves to rouch you, usually by holding you with one arm as you rest your head on his shoulder. He is a serial thigh-squeezer.

John Price is a total dad, and that extends to when you can convince him to watch one of your favourite films with you. He wants to watch the movie, it’s not his fault if he falls asleep 15 minutes in every single time.

He lets you lay on his broad chest, that’s warm and rises and fall under your head, while he rests his hands behind his head and closes his eyes. He’s prone to snoring, too - in past, you’ve had to rewind the film because you missed part of it while you were trying to get him to wake up and shut up. The only sureproof way to wake him up is to try and move off of him - he’ll open one eye and grumble at you, as he pulls you right back into him.

"You’re not even watching the film, you’re asleep…" you whine, looking up at him.

"’M watching, love. Shhh," he mumbles, eyes still closed as he softly pats your hair.

"Are not," you pout.

"Shhh. ‘M trying to watch this," he hushes you, eyes closed and totally ready to go back to sleep. You’re almost annoyed at him but he makes that very hard, breathing softly through that moustache as he presses you against him, like you’re a teddy or a weighted blanket.

In terms of the films himself, Price isn’t easily scared (partly helped by the fact that he spends half of the time asleep). The first time that you two watched something scary together, he was almost expecting you to be terrified, but he was pleasantly surprised when you weren’t. He thinks it’s funny how you can sit in his lap perfectly happy and watch something that would have any ‘sensible’ (as he puts it) girl screaming.

He either gets very irritated by the main characters making terrible decisions and getting themselves into trouble, or finds it hilarious. He also loves to rub your feet while you watch the movie, literal princess treatment.

i kind of want to watch a horror movie nowwww

all pictures are from the game or from pinterest as far as i’m aware

i hope this was ok for you!!! i know it’s not exactly what you wanted but maybe we can just consider it part 1 of the horror obsessed reader saga >:)

masterlist

[all-dead-rock-show]

finally got around to properly reading “batman: under the hood” (or “under the red hood” idk man i’ve seen it both ways) and this right here made me so viscerally sick when i saw it i had to take a moment

(under the cut cause this gets long)

for context if you haven’t read, or just don’t remember, this is from issue #13, the crux of the the bruce/jason/joker storyline. prior to this panel, jason expresses his anger and hurt from bruce not avenging him after joker killed him. he asks bruce why joker is still alive, why he hasn’t killed him yet. bruce explains it would be too easy to put him through all the pain and torture joker has brought upon to others (which, btw, very intimate details here. something about how sex and violence go hand in hand with them, blah blah blah i’m crazy) and to kill him. jason shoots back that this isn’t someone like penguin, scarecrow, etc. it’s the joker. in jason’s words, a “psychotic piece of filth” and “death-worshiping garbage.”

jason says, “doing it [killing joker] because… because he took me away from you.” and that’s when bruce delivers this killer in the panel above.

and i have never felt so sick upon seeing a panel before when i saw this one.

cause it reminded me so much of this panel from the killing joke:

the way both joker and bruce are facing off to the side, obscuring their bodies from the person they’re speaking to, that person being such an important fixture to them. how both of them reject what the other person is asking of them, to compromise everything they believe and know about themselves for what can be seen as the greater good. there’s something to be said as well about how the panels parallel each other, but the enemies are facing opposite directions. bruce turned to the left, joker to the right. maybe something about opposing moral stances, opposing sides of justice. something about being both opposite and yet the same.

you might be thinking “isn’t it a bit much to say this made you feel sick?” well. probably. but they make me feel sick all the time. and there’s something about this pinnacle moment in under the hood mirroring the pinnacle moment from the killing joke. two comics that play such a big role in shaping bruce’s relationship with joker and with his family (in relation to him and joker, if that makes sense).

anyway. i’m sure this was an intentional reference, i’ve just never seen it discussed before. thought i’d share it here cause i can’t stop thinking about it (and i don’t have enough characters on twitter). i hope any of this is coherent. idk if i even got everything i wanted to say about this parallel cause my brain is so scrambled rn.

[tkaulitzlvr]

THE WRONG WAY - T. KAULITZ

synopsis: tom hasn’t been paying you enough attention lately, and, when you finally snap, he can’t understand where you are coming from, until you reach your breaking point. can the issues between you and him be resolved?

content: angst

a/n: pulled this out of my ass lol, i had to rush it because i’m in the middle of another req but it’s nowhere near done after like three hours of writing so i’ll have to finish and post it tomorrow. sorry if there are mistakes, i only proofread veryyy briefly cause i’m so tired rn😭 hope this is okay tho!!

"you don't love me."

i voice the harsh words to the silent room, clearly and with every sense of belief behind my statement. to my discomfort, saying it out loud does not make me feel any more at ease, in fact seeing the way tom’s entire body breaks for a second, processing what i had just said, before trying to cover the hurt on his face up, only suffocates me even more. the lump in my throat only gets bigger, the tension in the air thickening by the second.

"wow." he begins, shaking his head, trying to wrap his head around how i could even come to that conclusion. "that’s an awful accusation." he glances at me, his eyes already glossy, giving me enough of an idea on how much i have hurt him by uttering those four words. however i stick to it, figuring that it is too late to back out now. within me, behind all the anger, all the upset, i feel that it is true. i sense that he no longer feels the same way he did when he met me, all those years ago, the love within his eyes slowly diminishing until it is now long gone.

"and also." he speaks, leaning forward and looking directly into my eyes, staying in his position spread on the end of the other couch. "it's not true. you know it isn't."

the pressure of his gaze leaves me unable to hold eye contact with him, looking away sheepishly into my lap, hoping that somehow the ground could swallow me up. i grit my teeth, locking my jaw in anger, feeling no reassurance from his quick denial of my statement. so i decide to challenge him, standing my ground despite the nausea only growing within me. though his voice seems somewhat certain, i refuse to believe that i am making it up, that it is all in my head. "do i though tom?"

my eyes meet his, except the ones looking into me are foreign. they are angry, a glint of hostility present within them that i had not yet witnessed, this change taking me aback, yet i refuse to look away. he is sad. those eyes, past the resentment in them, i see pain. i see sorrow. i have upset him, far beyond what he intends to let out. he is usually strong, and perhaps right now he thinks that he is keeping this up, yet i can read him like a book, the way his left brow furrows, creating a crease along his forehead, the way his eyes cannot focus on one thing, darting around the room, i can see that he is struggling. and whilst part of me hurts with him, hating to put him through any sort of distress, i need it right now. because i am tired of feeling unloved and unappreciated - regardless of whether tom intends to make me feel this way or not.

he shakes his head, scoffing slightly in disbelief, letting out a shaky sigh, before speaking up, his voice loud, in contrast to the silent room. "what, so i've been lying every single time i’ve told you that i love you, over the past six years that we've been together? mind you, i say that every day, without fail."

i stay silent, my eyes becoming glossy as they quickly tear away from his. he takes my silence as a cue to continue, my sudden belief that he does not love me angering him as he desperately seeks to remind me of every reason why i am in the wrong. "don't i do everything for you? make sure that you're always safe, give you my everything-"

"give me your money, you mean." i reply, cutting him off. i don’t want to seem ungrateful - i appreciate the way tom would spend any amount of money on me if it made me happy. i am thankful for the house he has given me, the vacations he takes me on, the things he buys me, but those things are not the reasons why i fell in love with him. i fell for tom kaulitz. not his money, not his fame, not his profession. i fell for who he is, for him as a person, whether he is rich or poor, yet it feels that day by day i lose a small part of that. i have always understood that his job means that he will be away a lot, but it is hard to be in a relationship with someone that can't always be there, only their fortunes can.

"i’m grateful for what you do for me, really i am, but i'd much rather have time with you than the latest gucci bag, or the newest chanel perfume. if it meant that i would have to live with nothing for the rest of my life, i would do it. don't you understand? i want you - not your money tom! i don't need you to apologise with gifts when i don’t see you all day, i just...i need you." i am desperate, craving for him to hear me out, to understand that it is him that i need, but the way he looks at me in confusion shows me that i am not going to achieve that.

"i thought you liked the things i buy for you. have you been lying?" he completely ignores the point that i have been trying to make, this only fuelling the frustration within me as i exhale shakily, quickly grasping onto the opportunity to argue my point once again.

"i do but that's not the point tom! i like them because i feel like it's all i get from you!" my voice is raising, something which i did not want to happen. shouting never solves the problem, however right now i am far too angry to care. "i just want some of your time, to feel like you actually care! when you're with me, you're here physically, but your mind is always elsewhere. i just miss you. i need to you be mine again, i-"

"look, i’m sorry okay?" he begins, harshly cutting me off and matching the volume in my voice. "i'm sorry that my job is more demanding than others, i’m sorry that it needs a lot of my attention, but i told you this from the beginning. my career is a big part of who i am and things aren't always easy. they get hard, they get tough, but-"

"that's my problem! when things get hard for you, i don't fucking know about it! because you shut me out, every. single. time. i'm your girlfriend, tom. i want to know about your life, i want to help you, but you always run away from me! you spoil me with gifts and money to compensate for every fucking time you leave me in the dark! i don't want it anymore. i just want you to communicate!" i move from the couch, walking to the middle of the room and standing a few feet away from him. his eyes are glued to me, watching my every step, and he is listening to me this time. "am i such a headache to be around, that you can't talk to me? that you can't deal with spending time with me, so instead you spend your money to try and shut me up, because you have so much that no matter what you buy, it doesn't affect you?"

"don't." he voices shakily as i stare into his eyes, his expression more wounded than ever. my words stab into him, hitting him harder than i had anticipated. his fists clench against his thighs, holding every ounce of frustration. though we have argued in the past, i have never seen him this upset, regardless of whether he intends to show it visibly or not. "you know that i don't think of you that way, even for a second. so stop."

"you can't blame me for thinking it tom." i shrug. "you leave me out of everything, i have no idea what's going on in your life anymore-"

“because i'm trying to fucking protect you!" he interrupts, raising his voice once again. his hand slams against the arm of the couch, the sudden contact causing me to wince slightly. "i'm sorry if you feel like i'm hiding things from you. but i know parts of my life would just stress you out and hurt you. don't you get that? i'm trying to save you from the pain-"

"i want the fucking pain!" i fire back. "we are supposed to be in a relationship. do you know what that means? i want to suffer with you. i would choose that, a million times over, if it meant that i could be with you for another day. i want every part of you, the sad, the happy, the angry, i want it all. can't you see that i need you? i hate being left in the dark. i absolutely fucking hate it.”

my voice pierces through his ears, diminishing the tense silence as tom gulps, clenching his jaw and leaning forwards, pinching his nose with his thumb and pointer finger. the rash and quick responses don’t allow me time to calm down, my eyes becoming glossy with tears, the salty liquid staining my cheeks before i can try to hold them back, my weakness just as evident as tom’s. the pain, the upset, the lack of affection that have been feeling all spills out, reeling outwards from within me as i let it out, no longer attempting to hold back.

he looks up, his face softening as he takes in my hurt expression. he has never seen me like this, so broken, and the fact that he is the cause of this pains him even more, his mind coming to the slow realisation that it is up to him to fix this. although he doesn’t fully understand how i could possibly believe that he does not love me, he wants to try, to try and see from my eyes. he lets out a shaky sigh, swallowing nervously before looking into my eyes.

"i would rather feel the sadness, suffer with you." i begin, my voice small as the tears quickly take away my physical strength. "i would do absolutely anything if it means that you will love me, that you will do it with me, tom."

"i don't live a normal life, and i just want to keep you away from the crazy things." he speaks slowly, trying to reason with me, refusing to turn his gaze away from mine. "some people want to hurt me, and i would never forgive myself if someone ever did anything to harm you."

i try to wipe my tears and calm my breathing, wrapping my arms around my small frame in an attempt to comfort myself, quickly becoming overwhelmed with the situation. but my mind acknowledges tom’s change in tone. not only is he more gentle and calm, he also seems sorry, like he now recognises where he went wrong.

"what do you want me to do?" he whispers, defeated as his tired eyes meet mine. he is no longer angry. he is desperate, longing to resolve this. "i'll do anything. i- i can't lose you. you're my world, schatz, and i'm sorry if i haven't shown it, but you are everything to me."

though there are millions of things i could say, i stay silent, standing still across the room. my heart clenches painfully, hurting at the sight of him so distraught, as his mind considers the dreaded idea of what losing me would be like. his world is crumbling before him, the one thing he seeks to protect seeming to slip through his fingers. i have never seen him like this, so vulnerable, so desperate, and whilst it comforts me to know that he is slowly letting down the walls that have prevented me from truly being with him, it saddens me to see him in such a distraught state.

"all i've ever wanted is to keep you safe. to keep you happy, liebe, because if you're happy then so am i. but you deserve more than this." he points to himself angrily, letting out a shaky sigh. "more than this fucking idiot, who doesn't even know how to love. i’m so sorry if i've done it the wrong way and made you feel like i don't care. because you shouldn't for a second think that i don't love you."

everything that i have been craving to see is happening in front of me. i have longed to see him open up, to break down the barriers that separate us both physically and mentally. i don’t want him to be strong all the time, and it hurts that he feels he has to be. the tears fall from my bloodshot eyes once again - this time out of sadness for him. i hurt with him, hating to see him so upset, but i understand his pain, his anger, and i feel every emotion along with him. for the first time in forever, i feel connected with him.

after a few moments of silence, he stands up, slowly walking towards me. i refuse to meet his gaze, fearing that i will break down once again i realise how hurt he truly is, and looking into his eyes will certainly display every emotion amongst his beautiful features. his hand brushes tenderly against my cheek, wiping a fresh tear that had fallen. he reaches towards my chin, using his pointer finger to angle my face upwards so it meets with his eyes. he towers over me, taking in the sorrow etched upon my face, before tucking the loose strands of hair behind my ears, gently caressing my cheek with his lips slightly parted, shaky breaths escaping from them.

"please, look at me." he whispers, gazing longingly into my eyes. i comply, shifting my own eyes to the deep brown ones in front of me. they are full of adoration, and i feel the man that i fell in love with slowly coming back to me. "i love you, so so much, please believe me schatz. you are the most important person in my life, and i am so sorry that i've made you feel the opposite way." he chokes up, his voice shaky as i can tell he is on the verge of tears.

i listen to him, allowing every word to sink in, as it is now no longer hard to trust what he says. i feel what i have been desperate to - love. i feel truly appreciated, like i am able to confide in him like i once could. though frustrated it took the both of us to get to this state to make him speak his mind, i appreciate him opening up, his apology making up for the lost time. there is no shame in being fragile, and through his entire conversation, we have both learned this, a new found appreciation for each other gained as i feel safe again.

"don't feel like you have to keep things to yourself. i’m your girlfriend, i'm supposed to be here for you, and i'll gladly do it, but you have to talk to me." i respond, lacing my hand with his. a soft smile spreads across his face, contrasting with his bloodshot eyes whilst he slowly nods.

"i hear you. i’m so sorry baby. i love you." he whispers, pulling me into a tight hug as his hands lace together around my waist. he lets out a sob onto my shoulder, my heart breaking at the sound. he clutches onto me tighter as if i may slip away, my own eyes tearing up once again. it has been a while since i felt like this. i feel loved, and it is all that i have ever wanted from the start.

he slowly pulls away, resting his forehead against mine and looking into my eyes through his eyelashes. after a few seconds, he leans inwards, until his lips touch mine. the kiss is gentle, carrying every promise to love and cherish me like he has failed to do, and i gladly accept it, kissing back quickly and wrapping my arms around his neck. he pulls away, planting a few pecks on my lips once again, his breath shaky as the remnants of tears stick to his cheeks. i slowly wipe them away, not breaking eye contact as i do so, gently caressing the soft skin until any trace of sadness is lost within our newfound love for each other.

a soft smile graces his lips, failing to wither as he kisses me once again, the same amount of passion as the last, making up for the lost affection as i feel more treasured than ever. this is all I have ever wanted, to feel like he cares, and now that i am feeling his affection, my mind is oozing with contentment, the feeling almost foreign it has been so long.

requests are open! keep sending them in!!

[sugarpasteltmnt]

Hi there! I've read a lot of ROTTMNT fics, and I mean. A LOT. But holy fuck The Neon Void is literally the most amazing thing I've ever read.

The pacing is FANTASTIC? I'm way too impatient for reveals to take so long in my own writing, the fact you've managed to make it last 20 chapters (so far)? INSANE. /POS.

The characterization is absolutely phenomenal, it genuinely feels like this is something that could have happened in canon. It FEELS like the characters in every sense, even with Leo being the way he is! Its genuinely amazing.

Not to mention the ANGST. Presumed death is my favorite trope ever, and the fact all of their grief feels so palpable? The way you described Raph's grief in one of the chapters stuck with me so much, I forget the exact wording but it was like "He couldn't be more grateful to have had Leo for a brother, or more proud of the fact he had been his big brother" I don't know something like that AND IT FELT LIKE A KNIFE TO THE CHEST. WONDERFULLY DONE.

AND THE TELEPORTATION THING- making true teleportation so difficult in such a smart way was such a great move. I LOVE that aspect so much.

I'm gonna cut this ramble off here before I further go off the rails, I just wanted to say this is my all time favorite fanfic EVER. Even long when this is over I expect myself to come back to reread it VERY often. You're doing an amazing job, and you're a really awesome writer!

Have a wonderful day! :D

SOB THANK U SO MUCH

But seriously, that means a lot ;w; I’m always worried that my pacing is too slow, or if I’m hitting the marks on the boys’ personalities. ESPECIALLY with Leo fighting between insane giggle fits and self-loathing. It's been a challenge for sure. The reassurance that it’s somewhat believable makes me incredibly happy ;w; The story beats of this fic are honestly new territory for me—so it means the WORLD to me that you took the time to let me know you like my silly story!!! Especially since this is the first fic I’ve ever published—it’s a huge relief knowing that people enjoy my brain worms LOL

Honestly the amount of positive feedback I’ve gotten just from my silly little fic has totally floored me. Everyone has been so sweet and so kind and honestly writing this fic has brought me so much joy and I’m so happy that it makes other people happy too ;w;

But like??? The fact you feel like it could be canon?? THAT IS SUCH A HIGH COMPLIMENT THANK YOU 😭😭😭 I will admit I am proud of the teleportation aspect, and while I have some other silly particle physics lessons planned I just hope it all makes sense to readers in the end ;w;

Thank you again so so so much ;w; I love big dramatic reveal fics too, so it’s been VERY painful for me to have made it this far without a reveal LMAO. Seriously, I can’t wait to get this silly guy written and moved out of my head to free up rent space for some fanfic READING again (I WILL get distracted if I let myself read other fics rn SOB) I’ll def have to check yours out too because it sounds DELICIOUS 🤤✨

[chvoswxtch]

Life is being a b rn and i am overwhelmed X 100 so i was listening to sweet nothings by T.Swift yesterday and sobbed imaging matt. So the request: reader is hella stressed due to work and life she comes home one day and just breaks down and matt goes "hey come here" and then he kisses her nose and her eyelids (idk y i find this cute) and its all soft and fluffy. feel to ignore this ig lmao. love you xx

again, I wasn't planning on posting this today, but it spilled out of me so easily I felt like it was a sign that you really needed this today nonnie, and maybe someone else does too. I hope your day is going so well, & you're feeling much better. sending you all the love, my darling. ❤️

blurb below the cut.

sweet nothing.

to you i can admit, that i’m just too soft for all of it

Matt could tell from two blocks away that it had been a rough day. He felt the tension weighing down your shoulders like gravity, and the heat of irritation burned across the tops of your cheeks. He heard your labored breathing when you entered the building as you attempted to steady your emotions in case you had to face him.

You always tried to compose yourself when you came home, no matter how much Matt reminded you that you couldn’t fool him. He knew you like the back of his hand, even without his heightened senses. You were always so worried about caring for him that you often tried to erase his opportunities to show you the same gentle affection. 

Like you were right now, furiously wiping away frustrated tears in the elevator, probably hoping that he couldn’t already taste them. His heart ached at the way you took deep breaths to calm yourself before stepping off the elevator, and the way your fingers struggled to locate the correct key on your set. 

He wasn’t always home when you had a rough day, and he often felt guilty about that. His biggest regret in your relationship was that he wasn’t always there for you as much as you were for him. But he was here now.

Matt opened the door the second you stepped in front of it, noting the sharp gasp of surprise at his presence, and he plastered an empathetic smile on his lips as he extended his hand to reach for you.

“C’mere.”

“Matty…I…d-didn’t think you’d be home. Don’t you have that-”

“Angel, come here.”

Matt didn’t give you a chance to hesitate this time, lightly grasping onto your waist to pull you inside, gently tugging your purse away from your shoulder to toss onto the entry table as he shut the door with his foot. The moment he enveloped you tightly into his chest with his strong arms, you broke. 

It never failed to break Matt’s heart hearing you cry. You were sensitive, and sometimes crying was how you let it all out. He understood that about you, but it still pained him nonetheless. He wanted to protect you from everything; the monsters that hid in the shadows, and the ones that lurked in your mind.

Matt delicately cradled the back of your head against his chest while he held you, rubbing soothing circles along your lower back with his palm as he shushed you, pressing his lips firmly to the crown of your head while you cried into his dress shirt. He lightly swayed with you from side to side, which conjured the memory of the two of you dancing around the living room a few months ago with the aided technicolor lights of the billboard across the street. You had been so happy that night. Matt made a mental note to dance with you more often.

He allowed you a few moments of comfortable silence before speaking, keeping his voice quiet and gentle.

“Do you wanna talk about it, sweetheart?”

“Today was just…hard, Matty. I…don’t know how to-”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to. Did something happen? Or is it a little bit of everything?”

“Little bit of everything.”

Matt hummed in acknowledgement, slipping his fingers into your hair to lightly massage at the back of your scalp. He rested his chin on top of your head and closed his eyes, listening for your heartbeat to decrescendo into a calmer rhythm. He tightened his arm around your waist when you let out a heavy exhale, your entire body releasing the pent up stress along with it. It always made his chest swell with pride that you found a safe haven in his body as much as he did yours.

“I love my job…but it’s so…stressful sometimes. And I’m…I feel like I’m doing everything I can.”

“I know what you mean, honey.”

“Maybe I’m not g-”

“Don’t start that.”

Matt’s voice was firmer as he wrapped his hand around the back of your neck to give it a light squeeze, dipping his head down so that he could press his forehead against yours.

“You are good enough. You’re just having a rough day, sweetheart. It’ll pass. It always does, right? That’s what you tell me, isn’t it?”

“It’s different with you, Matty.”

“How do you mean, honey?”

“You’re…strong. You can handle it. Sometimes I think…I’m just too soft for all of it.”

A faint smile tugged at the corner of Matt’s mouth as he pulled back slightly to cup your face in his hands, brushing your tears away with his thumbs carefully. His blank eyes stared just above your head, and the smile on his lips split into a wider grin as he shook his head slowly.

“What?”

“It’s okay to be soft. That’s where I come in, honey. To be strong when you can’t. Whatever you feel like you can’t handle, just give to me. Let me have it. I’ll do whatever I can to make it better.”

A soft sigh escaped your mouth as you wrapped your hands around Matt’s wrists, leaning your face into his right palm. He could feel your eyes on him, and the way the corner of your mouth quirked up slightly.

“You know, you may be the Devil to everyone else, but you’re an angel to me. I’d tell you to change your name, but I don’t think ‘The Angel of Hell’s Kitchen’ would strike fear the same way.”

A deep laugh rumbled in Matt’s chest at your words, and his eyes crinkled as he grinned down at you.

“Probably not.”

“Besides, you look really good in red, Saint Matthew.”

“Duly noted, sweetheart.”

Matt flashed you a cheeky grin as he leaned in to press a soft kiss to your forehead. His warm breath fanned over your skin as he placed another kiss to the tip of your nose, one to both of your eyelids which caused you to giggle, and lingering ones to your cheeks before he finally met your lips in a soft kiss.

“What do you say we order in and take a bath, hm?”

“With bubbles?”

“All the bubbles you want.”

“All the bubbles I want? You spoil me, Matty.”

tags: @yarrystyleeza @little-miss-dilf-lover @neverlandcity @charmedkim @queenofthenoobs @stilldreaming666 @mattymurdock1021 @bubuslutty @messymissy @dark-academia-slut @strawberry1042

[chronically-j]

Introduction

Hi, I’m Jordan!

I’m 21, nonbinary, and my pronouns are she/they/he/it

below is my medical story so far!

so, I’d like to start with the fact that i have PTSD with chronic, dissociative features. this means i really don’t remember much from my childhood, so most will either be vague or will have been explained to me by others, so things may be a bit disjointed

All of my life, i’ve been sick in some way, but always mild enough to not need hospitalization (i consider myself very lucky for that, but part of it is also due to my family being poor and unable to get proper medical care sometimes). I’ve always had aches and pains daily and nausea was quite frequent, though not nearly as often as today. i was a very accident prone child, so much of my pain was attributed to that. ive also gotten daily headaches that come in cycles since i was a young child. i would get headaches for a few days at a time as a kid, then it would calm down for a few weeks/months, then begin again. as an adult, i know get them for weeks at a time, then i get breaks of a few days to a few months, then i repeats. i walked to school all through highschool, and every single day without fail id get insane hip/knee/foot pain, it would be hard to breath, my chest would hurt, and id get dizzy. i was diagnosed with asthma and vocal chord dysfunction at 16

in 2020/2021, i got covid. i cant remember if i was vaccinated at this point, but i believe i was. that week of hell started 6-9 months of hell. it was routine covid, no hospital involved thankfully, but afterwards, we found id either developed POTS/pots like symptoms (being assessed now) or the infection had made it worse. i was experiencing extreme dizziness, falls, a heart rate that would spike to 150 just for walking around. my joints also began getting worse faster. they already werent great, id had many times during school where my shoulders or hips would pop and hurt so bad all day, but they were worse. i also began getting nauseous daily, and soon i was throwing up daily. it got to a point where i couldnt eat or drink anything and my dr called an ambulance for me because i was so dehydrated. the drs diagnosed me with cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome, but i continue to use weed because as of rn the pros outweigh the cons (this is both dr and therapist approved). currently though my family is questioning if that is the cause due to certain things not making sense symptom wise, but thats for my dr to decide

as of today, im on medication for my heartrate, im in the process of getting a diagnosis of some kind, and i have an appointment with an EDS specialist to find out if thats why my bones hate me!

i currently use a cane but am slowly accepting that ill likely need more support at some point, and that ill probably need more medication than im comfortable with (i have a huge fear of medication and have to force myself to take what i do)

im hoping to get answers and more help soon! wish me luck!

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

oooof ask for hozier recs and i shall deliver!! i've been obsessed with him i fear...

my personal rn is probably Too Sweet, but my most played song of 2023 was All Things End. beautifully moving (as in i was sobbing for the entire song the first time i heard it), i just adore the way he describes love.

more personal favorites: Through Me (this song is insane actually!! can't describe it with words.), From Eden (one of the best love songs i've ever heard), Angel of Small Death (soo insanely addictive, his voice in this one ugh) and Movement (soft and beautiful and the very first song of his that I heard). The Eat Your Young EP is a wonder in itself but tbh so is everything else,,,,

now for some specifically sugu coded songs: Through Me and All Things End, Who We Are from his last album (the lyrics... my days the lyrics are so beautiful), Blood Upon the Snow!! (written for God of War Ragnarok, it's so good ??), Almost (Sweet Music) (be still my foolish heart, don't ruin this on me ✊😔)

but like i said, every time i hear a Hozier song it's sugu coded in my head... the lyrics always make sense to me. the way they're always so poetically romantic, yet in many of them there's a lingering pain underneath, wether it's because the love is already gone or because the love is simply way too much for just one heart to handle... i'm not okay.

fun fact, i once fell asleep listening to him and dreamt that it was suguru singing... and you know what it makes so much sense, i'll take it.

this got kinda long i'm sorry :(( anyways i hope you have a great day/night

(perhaps i shall write a lil' sugu thing inspired by too sweet)

NOE !!!! finally getting to this……. thank you so much for the recs!!! 🥺🥺 i appreciate it sm…… putting some of my thoughts under the cut hehe

I LOVE TOO SWEET . SO MUCH. it was the first song of his i listened to and wowwwwwww does it go hard….. so catchy and good and just. augh. IT’S SO SUGUCODED TO ME…. esp depression era sugu….. the lyrics are just gorgeous and so him. “but while in this world // i think i’ll take my whiskey neat // my coffee black and my bed at three // you’re too sweet for me”…. :’3 my baby

FROM EDEN IS SUCH A BOP . i loveee the instrumental ……. AND THE LYRICS . ”honey you’re familiar like my mirror years ago // idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword” <- BANGERRRR I CRIED . i am thinking many knight sugu thoughts ngl…. “i slithered here from eden just to sit outside your door” THINKING MORE SUGU THOUGHTS but specifically cult leader sugu …. aughhh 😔😔

angel of small death & the codeine scene……… tell me why this one made me so insane . such a tasty title and instrumental and lyrics i’m just????? i feel this way abt all of these but this one is so sugucoded too 😭 “freshly disowned in some frozen devotion”…. that’s our guy <333

EAT YOUR YOUNG IS SO CRAZY GOOD OUGHH….. i love love loveeee the “seven new ways that you can eat your young” part 😵‍💫😵‍💫 soso addicting. the lyrics are great and his voice is just soooo……. i don’t even know . i’m a little obsessed . “it’s quicker and easier to eat your young”…….. hhhhhhhhHH very sugucoded too ofc . any mention of eating is automatically a sugu reference 🙏

movement is super catchy !!!!! kinda relaxing too…… very soft. i rlly like the chorus :33 gives me waltz vibes…… kinda haunting…….

all things end + through me are soso pretty!!!! goshhhh his voice is nice……. i love the final part of all things end!!! w the synchronized clapping!!!!! so good …. and the lyrics for through me are so tasty . “with each grave, i think of loss // and i can only think of you // and i couldn’t measure it”…….. nomnom

ohhhhhh who we are is so beautiful :(((( his voice sounds so tender ….. i def get the sugu vibes here too!!!!! the feeling of something important slipping through your fingers …. “this phantom life, it sharpens like an image // but it sharpens like a knife” 😵‍💫😵‍💫 vert tasty . very sugu.

I’VE HEARD BLOOD UPON THE SNOW BEFORE BC OF RAGNAROK….. godddd it’s so. chillingly beautiful. the instrumental scratches my brain just right …… and the LYRICS . “too all things housed in her silence // nature offers a violence”….. “the parent forced to eat its young before i grows”…… it’s very . Raw . i like it a lot :3

AND FINALLY….. almost (sweet music). SO GOOD. i adore this instrumental and vibe so much + the lyrics are obv super pretty….. “i laugh like me again — she laughs like you”…… i love how light this one sounds in comparison to some of the other ones!!! a summer song for sure… a lil bittersweet….. and the chorus is literally SO addicting i can’t stand it……. BUT YES THIS ONE IS SO VERY SUGU. NOE. IM TEARING UP 😭😭 “be still my foolish heart // don’t ruin this on me”…. the idea of sugu thinking this…. maybe an au where he slowly recovers after his almost-defection….. or a childhood friends to lovers au…… i dunno. but my brain is spinning. i love him :(((((((

PHEWWW THOSE WERE GOOD . i love his voice sm….. i think my favs out of these options are too sweet, almost (sweet song), from eden and maybeeee angel of sweet death/eat your young…. but they were all super catchy :’3 thank you sm for these recs noe… sugu has invaded my brain

[twig-gy]

i’m not having concrete thoughts rn but i think of hms and what it’s like to try and try and always be met with the same answer, what it’s like to shut yourself off in case you’re hurt, what it’s like for your voice to grow hoarse and your throat to ache in protest. what it’s like to sit outside, your only companions the cold wind and the dark of night and your own voice giving into your own fate. what it’s like to be so desperately sure of it that you sit around planning out your will and what method is the best as if it’s just a fun little game of semantics, even though you know it’s not, but that’s all it can be since you’re a coward. what it’s like to engineer your own self-destruction. what it’s like to look down and realize - know - this body is inhospitable. no honor can be found here. there is a disease at the very core, something so physical you think you can pluck it out if you only tried, take a knife and find out what bone feels like, find out if you can feel your heart beat against your palm, intimate. salvation and self-destruction so intertwined you can barely pick out which is which in the threads of your hands /craving/. to destroy or to fix? you couldn’t be fixed.

i think of despair and cycles which you can’t tell are bad for you yet you can. which is worse? the state of drawing new linea against your skin and thinking /this is exactly what i need/? or hating it?

i think of mind sawing his hands off. pretending his fingers are steady against his knife. pretending that the blue staining his skin, the knife, dripping onto the cutting board - because he didn’t study for this shit, sue him - is salvation. this will save him. he will be perfect. pretending that something like him - he’s made from the same parts as heart after all, rusted, damaged, irrecoverable, lifeless - could ever be perfect.

i think of mind’s throat bleeding, the sight “like a sick solar flare”, met with the tangible evidence of your violence, met with the horrible horrible thought that it could be anything ever than the best thing you have. a smile, borne from pain but still a smile in the end, stretching sheer over a face, because even this is just a power play, and even as mind is dying his pride is still above anything else. his pride is the god he prays to. the thing he bleeds over. just like how, for you, you crack glass over the floor and watch as mind’s smile becomes more and more fake, you dig yourself into every little thing you can find just for that one hope of seeing him finally give up. you love violence. of course you do. you’re the Heart. what other method do you have? your logic is useless to them. so you grip the cold metal of a gun and hope that’s enough, hope that the weight of it will finally save you. but when it doesn’t - are you surprised? how could you be? your fate is clear.

soul prays to a god he believes in so much and yet so little. he prays to the thing which has taken pieces out of him over and over and over again. he prays to the same thing which has him scorning any sense of happiness, accursed, because in this place such things are as flimsy as the glass crown mind still wears on his head as if it’ll DO anything, as if it symbolizes anything more than his own weakness, stubborness, pride, soul could go on but well. there’s no point. he digs into the ground for some humanity, some life, and pretends that it isn’t digging his own grave. when he stabs the others, he smiles, and acts like it’s just business, just one more step towards beloved Harmonia. because if it isn’t, what then?

[haetrack]

omg ok i will write a paragraph.

first of all i liked that yfmk was mostly in jaehyun pov. i like reading angst and one sided love but only from male pov bc i can only enjoy the suffering when a man is experiencing it. so that was a good choice ty for that like truly. i felt y/n pain but it wasn’t too much which is good bc i’m weenie who can’t handle all that. also i like how there was actually a lot of fluff and the fluff was so good it had me giggling and shii. and then that smut scene was SAUUUURRRRR yummylicious i felt that all the way from my cooch down to the tips of my tippy toes. that dirty talk was insane and i could feel jh desperation and longing and y/n sensing something was up but being kinda oblivious to it was so good bc it made jh so relatable bc that’s literally my life. except for the sex part i don’t do that irl. anyway i like most that the smut wasn’t the main focus of the fic but it fit in so naturally. i was actually more invested in jh inner conflict than him beating that coo up. also johnny being such a sneaky snake was hilarious icl he got my ass too i wasn’t expecting that. i also like how they talked it out in the end bc instead of the ending feeling like i was just stabbed in the heart i just felt a dull ache it was bittersweet to me. if u can’t tell i am so bad at expressing my thoughts but i just love ur fics ur one of the best writers here rn and i hope u stay for a long time

YOU ACTUALLY WROTE A PARAGRAPH WHY AM I ABT TO CRY A LITTLE…

i didn’t even think abt only liking the suffering when a man is experiencing it (even if it’s jaehyun) BUT I AGREE!!! i didn’t want to make it too sad to balance out a few others things so i’m glad that it was good for u 🫶

I USED THAT SMUT PART TO MAKE THE CONFLICT!!! obvs it’s easy to tell what’s the problem and obvs i wanted to make it hot BUT i wanted to show how the love that jh holds for u started to make its way into every part of his life… i’m really happy w how it came out ☹️❤️

johnny is the perfect instigator all the time jaehyun should be THANKFUL!!! if johnny wasn’t involved they would’ve totally not talked it out but… i’m glad it felt bittersweet that’s EXACTLY what i wanted!!! i didn’t want it to be sad sad like haechan’s part so i’m happy w how it ended too

[imjustabeanie]

Matchup trade for @sugutoad!

I am very very very sorry for making you wait so much! I have covid rn so doing anything is pain 🫠

I hope you enjoy it! I tried to include every detail. Sorry I couldn't do percy Jackson cuz I recently started the book series hehe...

Your match for JJK is.....

Nanami and your runner up is Geto

Listen, mostly all male adults love insulting people but Nanami is a gentleman, he won’t do it if it bothers you (unless you are gojo). He might not have dark hair but for the rest he is mostly your ideal type! Nanami is a serious sorcerer but he has soft spots (that he hides). He is reserved and always appears as indifferent because of his bluntness. But that’s how he is at work, where the death rate is insanely high and he only does this to avoid grief. But he seems to be someone who enjoys the little pleasures and traveling in peace. You’re blunt, perfectionist, creative, sarcastic but you seem to hide your sentimentalism just like him. Not gonna lie, you and nanami would probably have to be friends outside of work for him to get attached as I said previously but I believe it would work out very well.

The forte in your relationship will definitely be communication. Blunt people will address the issue rather fast if there is one. He loves that you’re always thriving to do better but will help ground you to earth so you can feel proud of yourself just like him. He wants you to be happy after all so when you start feeling frustrated he will be here to help you feel better with his words. He would be taken aback by your envy if we can call it that way and would address it with you. He doesn’t mind you being jealous or possessive of him, it makes him feel loved. He is not the jealous type but if someone tried to flirt with you he’d make himself known, especially if you are getting uncomfortable (he will raise hell if you got hurt in any way shape or form). He enjoys having intelligent conversations and will definitely push you to express your views more often.

Both of you definitely judge people (judgmental side eye), plus you share the same sense of humor. He loves that you’re passionate and when you get into it it’s not uncommon to find him looking at you with a loving look. I headcanon he likes taking pictures so each time you’re daydreaming you can count on him to take a pic or two. Nanami is definitely a romantic. Dates once a week minimum, vacation once a year, flowers, chocolate, self care products and even breakfast in bed. He wants to make you feel loved so he won’t hesitate on the means. He is a shoulder you can cry on and someone who will give you valuable advices. He is protective of you and probably loves kissing your forehead or inner wrist.

I can definitely see both of you cooking together and having a date night at home when it’s raining. You watch movies together or dancing in the kitchen while it’s raining with music in the background. He will learn flower language for you and will surprise you often. I think he’d be over the moon if you made him meaningful gifts like buying his favorite food (or making it) and just remembering small details about him.

He is getting teased by gojo everyday over your relationship help him out lol. (SPOILER) It’s sad that good people don’t last long in gege world.

Your match for bnha is....

It was the most difficult match especially for someone who stopped reading when the author really was bullying katsuki (over a year ago). But in the end your match is….Hitoshi Shinso!

Tsundere? Check. Loyal and honest? Check I guess? I mean he’s not the traitor. Taller than you? Check (I was gonna make a joke but I’m also short so I stand no ground but the inch on you). Shinso is very ambitious but still down to earth because he was persecuted for his quirk. Which didn’t stop him from becoming a student in class A. He is definitely more laid back than you but I believe that he’s gonna become more ambitious when you’re together cuz you’ll inspire him. I think he’d be as jealous and possessif of you as you are of him. Just like you, he worked hard to get what he has and values it a lot. He’d be the boyfriend that finishes your sentence or voice your opinion if he feels like you’re not comfortable enough so he’d divert the attention to make you feel better. He is not that competitive unless provoked.

Now…I can see him cooking and baking with you to help you improve (he doesn’t seem like he is into it but will try). His love language is mostly words and acts but you can expect him to discretely learn flower language for you. Omg I can totally see him offering you dried flowers from time to time. Your aesthetics oppose but you two would look cute together (he wears comfy clothes but is more dark academia). Shinso is someone who you can confide into and wouldn’t judge you for it (he inly judges people with you). He is also very blunt and downright rude when you get on the wrong foot with him. I think the only difficulties are befriending him and getting through his wall and of course helping him overcome his laying insecurities. While he is always here to hype you up and build up your confidence, he hides insecurities linked to his quirk so it’s something he needs help with. He might not be the picture perfect romantic boyfriend but he is trying.

While shinso is calm and reserved, I think he’d be talkative with his lover. You can expect lots of inside jokes between you two. He’s also love to listen to true crime with you and love to discuss it. He is someone who’d follow you on all your ideas and will be very supportive of them. When you initiate physical touch he’d be shy at first and then get into it lol.

I hope you enjoy it!

[lesbiantvfish]

Hi Sanguine 👋

Tell me about Sanguineee 🤗

She is waving enthusiastically back. Eee, I’d love to!

Thank u so much for asking abt her, I hope it’s ok if this is a long answer.. 👉👈 I luv her

Sanguine is an undead lemur, she was revived by accident, and the person who did not mean to become a necromancer briefly adopted her.

Sanguine cut ties with them, as they were straight up Evil and hurt innocent people. When reviving characters, I always try to make a narrative “price”.

For Sanguine, it is that she is not the og lemur who died. She’s a brand new person! The og lemur has been fragmented into Sanguine and sort of shares the body, they do not get along at first. But they do eventually.

Currently working her story with a friend and even doing a commission rn of her oc with Sanguine, but I’ll have to ask her permission if she’s ok with me posting it!

And here is the og lemur, Cassidy! The orange on Sanguine is dye, Cass is only black and blue furred.

While Sang is extroverted and stupid af, Cass is a lone wolf and an over-achieving nerd.

Her whole character and weapon is heavily based on this magical girl manga I am OBSESSED with. However I don’t recommend it, as it delves into topics like self harm

(the narrative is therapeutic, but.. still goes into the topic. It helps people cope from multiple perspectives, including disabled ppl with chronic pain!)

made her originally to have a srmthfg oc I’d feel comfortable rping as, but rp has been still a anxiety inducing thing for me. I’m really glad people let me practice, but I’m still more comfortable discussing abt her than playing as her.. if that makes sense?

Finally under the cut I will post her weapon, cw warning for suicidal imagery, it is a lasso noose.

Thank u, again, for reading (if u do lol)!!!!!!! 🙏❤️

[neverwritewhatyouknow]

hello!

i wanted to send you a quick message, first of all saying i salute you and the way you keep educating people and talking about this when so many don't seem to care. i'm also severly disappointed in cmq for not acknowledging this at all.

but i also wanted to say regarding the changing of hp books to pjo books and saying it's not even that bad etc - please don't say that if you yourself are not trans. i could write more so much more on this but i'll keep it brief - you wouldn't want non-jews to decide what classifies as antisemitism or what hurts jewish people and in the same way it's not for cis people to say what is and isn't that bad. let's not pit minorities against each other?

if you ARE part of the community, then i apologize! and please don't feel pressure to out yourself against your own wishes, you can just not publish this. i'm sorry for any pain and bother i caused.

but also while there are trans people who don't care about that, there are still also trans people who are grateful for the change.

Hi Anon!

I want to address this, because I don’t want anything to think I’m downplaying the severity of JKR and her vileness and hatred of the trans community.

What I said, was solely my own opinion only on the physical reading of the books. I really apologize if I made it sound like I was supporting her or erasing how the trans community feels, that’s that last thing I would ever want to do.

I think for me personally, I had just separated the author from the novel and when writing the post, didn’t think about how a lot of people can’t do that and still feel a lot of pain. I know that ever since everything with her started, I haven’t been able to watch any of the movies or read any of the books, and I’ve been disgusted by the video game and actively in talks with people about the future TV show. I know I keep myself anonymous on here, but believe me when I say that outside of here I do actively participate in groups and organizations dedicated to fighting back against hatred and some even against JKR’s involvement in projects. I should probably be more mad that the books were included too, but again, I think I had separated them from her, and didn’t think about how it would appear. For my mistake I apologize.

My post was more on the response by Casey to the problem. And you’re right, and I’ve been thinking about it sense I wrote it yesterday and I think I’m actually glad that it was changed even though it wasn’t something I initially thought of. (Also the not that bad was more to the second part than it was this first one, because I CAN see how this change was needed and it actually has a basis for change, versus the other. It was a badly worded and Segway on my part, and I’ll take that fully.). I’m not home rn, but I’m going to change my wording on my other post when I am.

Hope you see this anon!!!

[skgrecovery]

6.

This might be a bit personal to share online, but I don’t think anyone’s reading this blog rn anyway and I have no one else to vent to this early in the morning so

I talked to my ex last night after sending a really embarrassingly, stupidly open hearted letter about the way I view the early days of our relationship and attempting to gently let to him go because I think right now all that’s holding each of us back from moving on (maybe me more than him but) is the thought that the love we shared was a waste

And he said I was “incredibly thoughtful and loving” and asked to talk, just to say thank you and tell me that he hopes I’ll find another man who can make me feel that same way again

And all I could say was “okay”

He said he’s pretty much lost all hope of us ever being able to be together, and that made me angry because I guess I still kind of blame him for things not working out because even though I understand his reservations when it came to committing to a relationship with someone he wasn’t even that attracted to, I still feel like he could have tried harder, been less inflexible in his expectations, not given up so easily, pursued me when I needed to be pursued, etc. etc. etc.

It’s hard because I know I will never love anyone again the way that I have loved him, and it’s hard because I feel wronged, stupid, and a little vengeful over the fact that I spent years continuously putting myself out there, being vulnerable, waiting for him to be ready, and to accept that all this time he just wasn’t that in to me and that all I was doing was making him feel like our relationship was an obligation does feel like a waste

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust my own judgement again, and now I have no interest in finding a new partner because however much the loneliness hurts I know it can’t hurt more than the pain that I went through in this relationship

And right now it feels like it was all for nothing, despite what I’ve tried to tell myself, despite the fact that I know if I had the chance to do it all over again I wouldn’t change much because most of the time I was acting on emotional impulses so strong that I felt physically unable to handle them in any other way

And I know, plenty of people have told me, that that just goes to further demonstrate our incompatibility and that that means that this really is for the best, but I’m still hurt, I’m still angry, I’m still feeling a great sense of loss, and I don’t want to hear it anymore. I don’t want to hear that things will be okay, that I will heal and find love again, that there are other fish in the sea, because it took everything in me to love him even as poorly as I did, and I do NOT want to put myself through that for another man. Just the thought of another man seeking that from me, asking that of me, is enough to ignite a full-body hatred of him within me

I am not ready to find love again

I am still looking for it with him, where there is no intention, no hope, no effort, no promise, no reciprocation

I’m still waiting, waiting without hope

I know he will find love again. I’ve seen the way that he lights up when in love, and I know he’ll be happy again when he feels that again with the right person for him, when he finds someone who can lighten his heart and unconditionally care for him the way that he cares for them, for everyone else. I see the way that people love him everywhere he goes and he doesn’t even realize it. I know he will be okay

I just don’t know about me

He doesn’t see me, not really, and I haven’t seen him in so long that he’s beginning to feel like a stranger to me, which seems impossible given how close we once were

And I want him to try again, to make the effort, to chase me like I’ve never felt chased before, but I know him well enough to know that he won’t

So I’m giving up, I’m giving him up, and I’m waiting for nothing and I’m waiting without hope because the waiting is all I have left in me to give

I’ve given him everything else, but it seems like this is the only thing he really wants

So I’m trying. For him, I’m trying to move on

[soft4gguk]

Oh my goodness that was so good i was smiling all throughouttttt like its not much but its progress you know. But besides all that it feels a little bittersweet? Like when jungkook asked her to be his girlfriend, i swooned. There’s security but there will always be uncertainty. Like he thinks she’s magic and an angel sent to save him but when he’s healed and all the pain is gone will he still want oc by his side? Like is she just some rebound but like in a more mature way?? 😭 idk if im making sense. Jungkook feels so much for her but i hope one day it can translate to love. I feel like he loves her but he just doesn’t know it yet because he’s never been in love (this is my opinion and theory) until oc, u know? Aaahhh I’m so happy for them but im also scared because they do have a long way to go and i feel like angst will always just follow them

Oc is so strong too i mean it’s not easy being w a baby daddy but she’s just so…full of grace. With how she lives life and how she interacts with people

But anw thank u Tessa for writing and sharing despite your busy sched! I love the way you write and you are very talented.

it makes me so happy to know the chapter made u smile <3333 also, i totally get the bittersweet part… i mean, i feel like so much of this story has been bittersweet since the very beginning. i mean, of is in jungkook’s life because the most tragic thing that could’ve happened to him… happened. i guess now they’re just navigating the circumstances and adding more sweetness to their situation other than bitterness. and that’s such a fair observation, about how things will be like when he’s fully healed… but i feel like his approach to their relationship now caters more to the future, of wanting to nurture it in a way that will benefit them both in the future. i think he’s doing it so right, all things considered. idk. i’m just so smitten with them rn, all i want is to write fluff and lovey loooooove ok!!! hehe but i loved reading and answering this ask so much, i hope i made sense (i’m a bit scattered brained hehe) also!! i agree with u. oc is so very graceful. i love her sm. i also loved how jungkook basically acknowledged it too during their conversation on the beach.

thank you soooo much for loving my little story. it means the world to me. ill always find time!! <333 ilu xo