#i hope that i explained myself well
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Do people not understand that even if someone was surrounded by money and food and water and clothing and shelter, if they physically cannot feed themselves or dress themselves, they would die? Because i feel like some people think that the Great Solution is eradicate poverty and not "accept that some disabled people do rely on constant care and no amount of resources can substitute the need for human help"
Obviously poverty and inequalities in society make it harder for disabled people to survive but i don't think some activists understand that disability itself is disabling and disability isn't just an outcome of ones circumstances
#i hope i explain myself well im just pissed off because some people think the issue disabled people face is poverty and not their#actual disability. “it's okay if your disability disables you” includes people who require care and assistance from others#its not ableist to say that disability means i sometimes cant feed myself without assistance ... its reality#ramble#rant#disabled#chronic disability#disability#disabilties#cripple#angry cripple#cripplepunk#cripple punk#cpunk#chronic illness#chronically ill
559 notes
·
View notes
Text
so something that's always struck me as odd is in the light house leapers, after charles "kills" the night nurse, that edwin, crystal & niko aren't okay with it.
because, look, obviously in real life, murder is wrong. but like, in the laws of this universe - she's not an actual person, she is a supernatural entity and is likely immortal, her moral compass is misguided to the point where she is willing to hurt people, and she wants to send your best friend to hell. clearly these aren't normal circumstances.
and so every time i rewatch the show i think how weird that is. and finally this time, i think i get it.
charles is the only one who's been through abuse and not survived to tell the tale.
so like niko is adverse to violence because she's kinda a pacifist and generally believes in kindness above all else. crystal is against violence because it reminds her of david - because she has lived through abuse and knows how much it sucks. edwin is against violence because he has been repeatedly mauled to death and thereby thinks absolutely no one deserves it, but it's likely that edwin wasn't too physically abused in his life, or he didn't register it as such.
but charles? charles died because of physical violence. he died because of systemic abuse. he did not live through it like crystal, he is not afraid of it like niko, and he did not die and then endure abuse and then escape it like edwin. charles died because of abuse, end of sentence.
so, of course charles "kills" the night nurse. he doesn't know anything but violence. charles' entire life story is shaped by violence and that is important. there is no 'before' or 'after' is abuse, it just is, and then he dies. so yeah, charles kills the night nurse - he doesn't know anything else. and, yeah, the others are against it - because they are sixteen and do not understand that. the others lived through violence, charles did not.
#i hope i'm explaining myself well#i don't think i am#but i tried & that's what counts#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#crystal palace#niko sasaki#analysis#save dead boy detectives
284 notes
·
View notes
Text
Imagine the Hermits learning ballroom dance.
Imagine Etho being assigned to lead because he’s tall & everyone assumes he would.
Imagine him constantly fucking up, stepping on his partner’s feet, missing beats, just a mess.
Imagine Bdubs getting upset from the sidelines.
Imagine him getting blustery about this disaster & stepping in, saying no, no, no, this is all wrong, shooing Etho’s partner away.
Imagine anxiety bubbling up in Etho’s stomach, at having to lead for Bdubs, as he walks over.
Imagine Etho trying to place his hands on Bdubs, mentally preparing for another disaster.
Imagine Bdubs tutting & moving Etho’s hands away, much to Etho’s confusion.
Imagine Bdubs then firmly placing his hand on Etho’s back & grabbing his other hand.
Imagine Bdubs confidently taking over the whole situation.
Imagine Etho’s amazement as Bdubs leads him, and suddenly Etho’s dancing is on beat, smooth, no stepped on feet.
Imagine them elegantly whirling across the floor, everyone else watching them in surprise.
Imagine Bdubs dipping Etho.
Imagine Etho looking at Bdubs face while this happens & feeling his stomach flip at the burn of assurance in Bdubs eyes.
Imagine the song then ending, & them just staying there for a moment, breathing a bit heavy from the exertion.
Imagine Bdubs pulling Etho back up & releasing him & pointed saying that that was how you did it.
Imagine Etho staring at Bdubs, feeling lost & unsure now that Bdubs isn’t there, hand on his back deftly leading him.
Just like. Imagine.
#Ethubs#hermitshipping#Ethoslab#bdoubleo100#etho#Bdubs#I’m sorry to all my girlies who are here for smalletho#but I’ve had this idea in my head FOR MONTHS.#& like. Just because I am smalletho 99% of the time#doesn’t mean I don’t have brain rot for other pairings as well.#I was planning on making a comic or mini fic outta this but#I just don’t see that happening anytime soon#& I cannot keep this to myself.#sends it out into the universe with the hope that someone else sees my vision here#I just. Love the idea of their dynamic getting flipped in certain situations#& also Bdubs would TOTALLY be amazing at ballroom dancing.#Can’t explain why but I really think he would be.
345 notes
·
View notes
Text
(Repost) Comms still up with 8 slots, 3 for busts, 3 for half body, and 2 for full body! Each listing also allows for up to one extra character to be added on at half price!
***If you don't want to commission me that's also fine i'd apreciate just a regular kofi dono or just sharing this around bc my finances are low, I've been averaging on $20 a month and struggling to pay hospital bills from earlier this year. i will also be considering opening a google doc or some other order form to allow payments via cashapp if there's any interest. Anyways heres a general breakdown of the pricing system and my will's/wont's under the cut:
So how do I (you, the buyer) choose what I want?
SO when you open up the request form it should look something like this!
We're using the bust order as our example here. At its base price, $15, it is set for the black and white option. If this is what you would like, then you don't have to worry about the add ons at all and you go straight to submitting your request! Now, if you're choosing add ons, it'll look something like these:
The first would be an example of an order of a flat color bust + an extra character bust with flat coloring as well. The color option adds the extra $10 (to match the listed price on the poster for $25), and the extra character with flat coloring adds half of that $25 to the order (well a little less bc i knocked off the .50 cents) which is why it comes out to $37.
The second would be an example of a black and white bust order with an added black and white bust character. This just adds an extra $7 to the price totaling $22.
What will you (the artist, me Brutus) draw?
If you want me to draw your oc or fanart of your favorite character I GOT U!!!
I'm also comfortable drawing blood and gore though I'll have to keep it on the lighter side (I enjoy blood if it isnt obvious by my url though so depending on what you want we might be able to go a little further with that).
I can do characters with armor as well, however I will require a reference of some sort from you, the client, as I'm frankly not going to attempt armor off the dome. I won't design armor myself either.
Pinups (not full nsfw due to how much of a struggle it is to navigate different site policies) and other suggestive works are also a-ok! a tity does not bother me if that wasn't made clear by my commission card 👍🏽
What will you (the artist, me Brutus) NOT draw?
Im not comfortable trying to draw real people as of right now sorry! I'm just not really a caricature or realistic portrait artist but this may change in the future.
I also won't do furry/anthro just because that isn't my forte as I haven't practiced drawing animalistic characters. There r plenty of talented furry artists for you to choose from and I could talk to someone to guide you to a few .
(I CAN do more humanoid fantasy characters however. like mermaids, satyrs, etc)
More extreme gore and body horror is also off the table. (so like spilling guts stuff like that)
I may love mecha but as it is like armor and a bit more extreme, I'm not drawing it sorry. And also as stated above I'm not drawing armor regardless without a good reference.
Certain fandoms are a no-go for me due to my own comfort. A quick list would be: mogeko games, omori, south park, hetalia, attack on titan, mcyt, hazbin hotel/helluva boss. if you're not sure just ask!
I reserve the right to decline any comission request for any reason. Getting paid is nice but my comfort is nicer yknow.
And that should cover everything! If you still need to ask me anything, my messages are open. Thank you so much for reading and a little extra thank you if you decide to commission me ❤️
#artists on tumblr#black artist#black artists on tumblr#commissions open#im hoping ghis isnt too long i tried to keep it as brief as i could#but i still wanted to make sure i explained myself well#but if you still have any questions dont hesitate to ask!
57 notes
·
View notes
Text
I... have a confession to make, of sorts. There won't ever be a good time to admit this, unfortunately, so it's best I get this off my chest now, and ask for forgiveness rather than permission.
It has not been easy speaking with all of the flashclones who have made themselves known in the wake of Union's latest raids; both for myself, and the squadron at large. I must commend my squadmates for handling themselves with the utmost professionalism - while my own correspondences with these newest members of the Omninet have been what I would consider adequately polite, I've been biting my tongue the entire time, and I fear that my personal discomfort with the issue is starting to slip through the cracks.
To this end, I wish to share my thoughts publicly, that I might better express my own emotions towards this complicated, frustrating, and highly nuanced issue. I only ask that you hear me out in full before you render judgement, and pronounce your sentence carefully.
First: an observation.
MSMC policy requires that all pilots dictate an end-of-life plan at the time of their recruitment, that their final wishes may be carried out by the company in the event of their death under MSMC's employ. The options provided for this are effectively unlimited, allowing the pilot a great deal of choice and freedom in planning their postmortem arrangements. These plans may also be altered in the future should circumstances change, provided the pilot is of sound body and mind.
Under MSMC policy, in compliance with the policies set forth by Union, one of the available postmortem options is flashcloning.
In my fifteen-odd years serving under MSMC, I have only heard of three pilots who have willingly chosen to be flashcloned after death (thus prolonging not only their life, but their term of service under MSMC as well). Of these, I have only personally met one, affiliated with MSMC-808 "5Q8R3 L00P3RZ" - I believe their current iteration goes by callsign Lemniscate. While I do not know how many times they have been cloned during their term of service, their current iteration seems happy enough, and their squadmates reassure me that they've maintained a consistent identity (plus or minus the odd quirk, as is typical of flashclones) throughout their life (lives?).
Second: a digression.
I purchased my Dusk Wing, And The Voice of Apollo Spoke From On High (Apollo for short), from an SSC showroom on a planet whose name I no longer recall. The curated atmosphere called to mind the high marble pillars and lush green-blue waters of some distant Cradle mythology where gods roamed the earth and mortals strove to emulate them, punished and rewarded for their folly in equal measure with gifts and curses beyond name. Each frame was posed as the statues of old on Cradle, too-human limbs arrayed in too-human poses, each a machine of war turned living art piece.
Apollo, true to its future name, was arrayed in flight; hover-jets draped with sunlight-yellow gossamer, veil rifle aimed in its middle tier of manipulators with the same care and precision as an archer would take with their bow. To see it lowered to the floor after its purchase was to see Icarus fall; to climb inside its cockpit for the first time, to don wax-and-feather wings of my own and fly.
The old tales caution that divinity has a cost, and I too paid the price. A vial of blood, drawn with silver needle and spirited away into an unseen cooler before my pen ever touched paper. Apollo was mine, but SSC had received a far greater gift in its place: a sample of my DNA, unwillingly donated as the price for my divine armament.
Even now, this price weighs heavy on my head like the sword which hung above Damocles, poised to drop without a moment's notice with each new Union raid on yet another forgotten cloning facility. Who can say on what distant planet the children I did not birth sleep in stasis - children with my eyes, my hair, my nose, my smile; sons and daughters who will never be called as such because, to their creators, they are slaves, weapons, property - anything but human.
Third: an explanation.
I believe that flashcloning, in its current state as of 5016u, as approved by Union's Third Committee (and exploited by the likes of SSC, HA, and several countless others across the stars) is an inherently unethical practice; both for those who donate their DNA (willingly or otherwise), as well as for those persons produced by it.
To see countless lives created, manipulated, slaughtered, and recycled in the name of so-called "progress"; to see inherently human beings stripped of every vestige of humanity but the body in which they reside and then forcibly brainwashed and molded into soldiers, medics, mechanics, weapons, machines, slaves, property - it is an abominable and inhumane practice that should have died a slow and painful death in the darkness from whence it was birthed.
This being said: I cannot stand idly by as the products of this inhumane practice continue to suffer. No matter whether it is beneath the apathetic gaze of Union, the dehumanizing bootheel of HA, or the eugenicist scalpel of SSC, I will not allow my fellow persons to endure another day of abuse at the hands of those who would abandon their own creations as little more than imperfect failures for daring to remind their creators of their sentience.
Alone, I can do nothing. I too am but a cog in this great uncaring machine humanity has built, one which prospers on suffering and bloodshed and the work of hands which have forgotten the body to which they are attached. Even if I were to risk life and limb and reputation to make my position known, it is a battle which lies dead in the water - it is impossible to halt the wheels of progress without irreparably damaging the future which relies on their turning.
And so I fight. I fight for those who have forgotten their humanity, both willingly and unwillingly, that they might find something of their own - identity, purpose, desires, connection, life - that reminds them of what they were and are and always have been: human.
-- Angel
#lancer rpg#lancer ttrpg#lancerrpg#// my squadmates do not know I am posting this - I could never hope to even begin to explain myself to them#// I only hope that when this post is inevitably discovered it will be forgiven; just as I have forgiven theirs in the past#OOC: jokes on all of you - you get a big fat lore(?) post as well as art this time around#holy shit this was so much fun to write - P has some COMPLEX feelings on this particular issue and do I ever enjoy writing ethical dilemmas#marrying “maybe nobody deserves to suffer actually” and “holy fuck flashcloning is unethical as sin” was a fun mental exercise#can you tell I'm an old hand in the SCP fandom? because this basically felt like writing a piece for the Ethics Committee#(not that I've ever published anything on the SCP wiki - that shit stays firmly in my Google Docs and the Discord messages of my friends)#I'm looking forward to seeing the feedback to this one; both in and out of character - I suspect this one's gonna be controversial#(also - addressing the elephant in the room: Phoenix is older than I draw her; both she and Slipshod have been with MSMC for about 15 years#(as has been stated in prior tales Kennedi has only been here for 12 years - she may be less experienced but she sure knows how to lead)
52 notes
·
View notes
Text
my brain loves doing this thing where. I make a new story idea and it takes over my brain
#the outsiders#darry curtis#the outsiders fanart#the outsiders fanfiction#i know damn well i could write a good 5k today when i get home but im not letting myself post it until i finish my other wips#FUCKKK#hope people will like it as much as i do#it maybe? sorta resembles all the foster fics that get hella popular but.#not really#more like#scratches head#i dont know how to explain without spoiling stuff#crow art#no bitterness
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
recently i've been thinking about rowan omondi in terms of the "supportive black best friend" trope. i've had this idea for a while that it would be interesting to see a story that deals specifically with the psychological effects of being the designated "support friend", especially in cases where that character addressing/expressing their own emotions and advocating for themself would be stigmatised because of their race... and obviously, rowan fits into this neatly, actively repressing and refusing to talk about his feelings because he isn't usually given this sort of support by his friends, it's usually him who's supporting them. and i guess on a metatextual level, once he begins to address his own emotional repression and step down from that support role, you could view it as him becoming cognisant of his own role as the "supportive black best friend".
#iwbft#rowan omondi#this post is absolutely cracked because it's my personal theory/lens/interpretation/story idea that i have literally never shared before#and then applied (as if it's a well-established interpretation/lens) to someone who is. not the main character of his respective work#and listen. we all love rowan. i just think ive thought about him way more than most people#i'm thoroughly uncertain of whether i've explained myself properly here. idk how much the conjecture of rowan's arc post-iwbft#is common sense to other people. and stuff like that#BUT! i hope you enjoy this post nonetheless#i would also like to say this isn't a criticism of IWBFT. i dont think alice was at all ignorant of the role she was writing rowan into#by making him an overly-supportive friend who also happens to be black#(in fact i think the specific way rowan's emotional repression displays itself is a deliberate subversion of what would otherwise be#a very archetypical role for a black character)#yea. im just positing a lens im not levying criticism at IWBFT or alice#osemanverse#thunder rambles#(these thoughts actually first came about when corinna brown was first talking abt tara's arc in s3. and then i thought about it again#when i watched timestalker and jacob anderson's character basically just gives up being the support character at the end LMFAO)
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
Seungmin saying they changed song by so it would be easier for people to watch and listen and then me seeing people going "Yes! It's good it's on tiktok and shorts now" and I'm like. Oh. You're all so fucking stupid <3
#half the videos were 10 minutes long#and i say this as an ADHD HAVER MYSELF#if you cant watch something that inst filled with bright colours yelling and childish humour#or a fucking tiktok length#like. well I have nothing to say to you actually highly doubtful you'd even read this far tbh 👍#like we'll never get anything more earnest and serious from skz again if things keep going this way#like the fact these no attention span people keep being catered too is so........... No#same with the songs- I complained about the songs all being fucking 2 minutes 20 seconds#like we all know its b/c of ig reels tiktok and yt shorts we all know this but Fuck who cares lets just go along i guess#i don't think people should watch stuff they are not interested in. i really don't.#but the amount of comments i read on those videos that were just so Nothing#no thought at all#idk like maybe try to listen to what hes saying and formulate anything outside of 'Omg best vocal best visual how many international fans?!#yk what i mean?#you bothered to watch it how about using your brain a little#also makes his whole Im Trying To Get A Moment in all the codes lowkey like.... yeah you pretty much do have to do that huh#like. they cant have down days or quiet days. Just be on all the time and be acting and funny all the time b/c thats all anyone wants-#so cool#there's no room for earnestness. no room for being a little thoughtful and serious. nuh uh#hopefully he does go back to explaining his thoughts after the tour but tbh I dont have a lot of hope for that :)
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
So uh… I might end up with a live action f/o…
#okay so I was watching clips of this one show#mostly because I was curious#and then afterwards I went to listen to some music and caught myself daydreaming about the one character#and I panicked#I don’t know if this character will become a thing but uhhhhh… im having conflicted feelings#just… well… i being vague because it’s embarrassing#like pretty much all of my f/os are animated and I never had a live action f/o before#and the character is silly and over the top but……..#*groans*#and I don’t think it’s like a celebrity crush type of thing#like I usually separate a animated character from the VA but to see the actor is… hmmm#and I’m just sitting here kinda wanting to watch this show even though it’s very cheesy#just to learn more about this character#like I already made sketches of the character and I’m MAD#god I hope this makes sense because I’m struggling trying to explain this#💬 chy chatter 💬
60 notes
·
View notes
Text
Might as well have the salt before the sweet; so here is Rin's Finished Timeline!
Tag list (ask to be added or removed): @carrionsflower @statichvm @risingsh0t @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @kanos @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @jackiesarch @minaharkers @sergeiravenov @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @greenecreek @queennymeria @heroofpenamstan @tethrras @jamessunderlandgf @d-esmond @solasan @bigbywlf @delzinrowe @fenharel @imogenkol
#personal*#jess talks#oc: rin kyutoku#my writing#mha oc#bnha oc#anime oc#the finally concluded and updated timeline for my bad girl!!#have had a few moments though up since i first added her bio to her page#so theres some new sections as well as the final ones#i love redemption arcs#but i also love people never losing their personalities#so shes redeemed - somewhat#because listen listen listen#if none of the league experienced their awful childhoods: theyd all be good guys#thats the WHOLE POINT#i do have a happy au for rin and dabi#where they grew up happy and fell in love at ua#so maybe one day i'll write that out#but for now have the canon#i was gonna decide what happened to her mum... but maybe therell be an epilogue of how she kills her to save society *side eye*#and yes dabi (in canon) regrets what he did and cried about it#so him and rin being soft in the end isnt out of character#anyway ill stop explaining myself#i do hope yall enjoy it!!#lemme know what you think in the replies/tags!
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
max and i are closing in on launching [redacted sports rpf charity fest] and i am once again pondering how do i write "experience with writing form emails and manipulating google forms in ways no one has dreamed of" in a cover letter without saying "i did it for the rpf grind"...like there's no way unless everyone in this microsoft teams meeting gets really cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly. you know
#IT LITERALLY CAME UP WHILE I WAS WRITING A COVER LETTER A COUPLE WEEKS AGO#AND IT WAS SUCH A BAD COVER LETTER BC IT WAS LIKE. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN BE A VIRTUAL PROGRAMMING MANAGER#I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW I CAME BY THESE SKILLS!!!!#i did not get an interview lmao. but we stay silly#like how do u frame ''community organizer'' when you're organizing. people on the internet to create rpf fanworks. for charity#lmaooooo oh well#me and max locking down our timeline last night and i'm like 😶 the thing i have wanted to do for years is finally happening#the universe tried to smite us multiple times in multiple ways. but we persisted. and it is happening!!!#last night i had to go to the grocery store at 9pm wearing short-shorts and an oversized t-shirt bc i was really like#if i don't get a coke in me right the fuck now i am going to end it all#procured coca-cola. drank it in the parking lot. recovered instantly. got on here and started posting#went to monday night service. last one bc after this week it'll be too late at night in est :(#it was such a nice global community to be apart of. people in 5 countries on four continents showed up almost every week!#not to be christian on main. but i love working with ecumenical organizations because i meet people all over the world#who have different ways of doing church and different interpretations of scripture and different takes on faith#and i always learn so much from people! good and bad lol sometimes it's like wow i will NOT be integrating that into my worldview#yo just under one week until i move 😵💫 i decided i am packing one (1) more box and then saying fuck it we ball#whatever i forgot has to go in the car. i cannot let myself be owned by cardboard boxes any longer#and soon. freedom. new start. new beginnings. someone said ''i hope you look at this as a time of new growth and unfolding'' to me#and i went man. i think i am#like the pine trees that reseed after a forest fire#fresno oilers.txt
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
The way I feel when I think about how Blake was the first one to seriously hype the team up about about fighting people/causes that are stronger/bigger than themselves
#blake belladonna#rwby#before that they had only ever stumbled into cinder’s plotting#this was the first time they went looking to investigate and stop their plans on purpose#she’s introduced as jaded - ‘hoping we’ll get a fairytale ending?’ ‘I used to feel that way when I was a girl’ or whatever she said when#Blake Ruby and Yang were properly introduced to each other#but she’s still the first who realizes they gotta fight anyway#aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh#I don’t know if I’m explaining myself very well I’m a lil stoned
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
Secrets of the Obscure is alright and all but am I the only one kinda miffed that they ripped off a lot of it from Dragon Age: Inquisition and didn't really add or change enough to be it's own unique thing?
even the rift hunting mechanic is Exactly The Same, because you Open the rift, then fight something then close it. the animation is almost 1-1 and even the eye in the rift looks like the Inquisition eye. if it wasn't for the fact that Even The Mechanic is the same I might not have noticed it so much, but the more I play the more blatant it feels
and then their wizard lore also just feels like how demons come out of the Fade in Dragon Age to possess mages. it's almost exact
disclaimer that I'm still enjoying it because it's fun and I like that we get to see Zojja again and have a better map for practicing skyscales for those who don't have one yet, but uh...this whole plot was stolen!
and yes I know there are certain fantasy tropes that re-occur in fantasy over and over, but this doesn't feel like that. it feels like the writers legit just snapped the base ideas from DAI and then barely added or changed anything to make it uniquely Guild Wars
imo it's definitely the weakest of all the packs
which is a shame because I LOVEDDDDD the intro. the whole sequence of having to defend yourself and run for your life was so ridiculously tense, I really felt like I was playing a horror game
but now I'm on Ep. 7 and all the potential feels wasted because I feel like I'm playing the underwritten fanfiction of another game that I already played 10 years ago and didn't like that much the first time
#guild wars#guild wars 2#gw2#secrets of the obscure#gw2 soto#I do really feel it's like#Ridiculously Blatant#like idk how they're getting away with it without everyone roasting them for plagarism blatant#like you can take core ideas like rifts and demon possession and make it into your own#but SOTO presents the idea and it just feels 1-1 like how it was in DA#and I think to myself oh well they'll build on it to make it unique probably!#but then every new bit of lore just makes me go#''oh like in Dragon Age??''#a lot of things haven't even been explained but the game acts like I should Just Know#and I wonder if it's because they figured ''well everyone probably played Dragon Age so they can figure it out'' lol#I hope Janthir Wilds feels more like a uniquely GW experience#because so far SOTO is prob my least fave pack#they can't all be bangers I get that#but also you could have made more of an attempt to tie things into GW world and make it unique#instead of just dumping all this new frankensteined lore from another franchise#and using “well lol it's all about the mists!” as an excuse for why it's so random and obviously borrowed from other media
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think it should be possible to scream without making any noise or disturbing anyone or inviting any questions . just sometimes . as a treat .
#hhhhHHHGHGHHHHHH#jay screams into the void#(deeply personal rant incoming feel free to ignore)#a friend of mine has just been undiagnosed with bpd which . lovely for them but it sure as fuck invites a Lot of questions#suddenly a great deal of previous shitty behaviour that was excused on the basis of bpd has a lot more to answer for#(obligatory I Know BPD Isn't An Excuse To Treat People Like Shit . im aware . i have bpd myself and i have v high standards re my behaviour)#(however allowances were made bc they were unmedicated & out of therapy through no fault of their own)#(and our whole group has enough experience with untreated mental illness to understand that it can make u a bitch sometimes)#but yeah no there have been a LOT of instances of b&w thinking + manipulation + unfair judgement + high emotion + snap reactions#and every situation Could be explained by untreated bpd and the bad times have never been prolonged or often enough to outweigh the good#but Hoo Boy if that wasn't bpd then what the FUCK was it#like either the new psychiatrist is wrong (possible but i seem to be the only one questioning it) or they're just Like That#and again . not enough to outweigh their numerous positive and loveable traits#but the whole group has been destabilised on a number of occasions due to their actions during a bad spell#and i'm really not sure Any Other Explanation is enough to justify that#ah well . this seems like the kind of thing that will eventually come up during a sleepover heart to heart#but rn i'm stuck in a bubble of MAJOR rsd & brainfuck abt it . which is unfortunate bc now is exactly the time i Don't need brainfuck#anyways ✨ goodnight tumblrinas i am . kind of hoping nobody read this bc i fear i sound like a bitch#i am genuinely happy for their undiagnosis it seems to have put many things into perspective for them & theyre v happy about it#i'm just . uncomfy w some aspects of it that i have only been halfway brave enough to discuss with them personally#That's One To Bring Up With My Therapist In A Few Weeks#Bit Of A Shame I'm No Longer In Therapy And Now Have Only 2 Quarterly Reviews Left Before I'm Discharged From The Service
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
I really love this one part in this story so much and the implication it holds within it that I always wanted to hear how other interpret it :)
for Seiji I guess almost all the people who would get closer to him and strike up a conversation would be those who wanna win the favor of the Matoba. or those who wanna crush him down, so I guess in short for someone to actually listen or care about whatever he says with no ultra motive is pretty hard for him.
Natsume was very upset and wary of him in this story, yet he was listening earnestly to him talking with no ultra motive whatsoever that Seiji without realizing found himself talking about himself naturally which's also in itself a rare case for him.
Seiji's pausing felt like " wait!! he actually cares and listen to what I'm saying even though I think he hate me so much, yet he earnestly listening to me .. and why am I talking about myself and my problems something I never did before to this kid so naturally ??"
it just for him to find someone listening to him without judging him or to actually care is something new for him, I guess.
also, this other part ...
I guess he also never had anyone worry for his wellbeing like this that he reflexively lied here as to not worry Natsume more than that.
Seiji is just bad at dealing with people who face him earnestly and actually show they care about him.
I find it amusing in a tragic kind of way.
that's why I said that Seiji developing a soft spot for Natsume little by little and that Natsume despite all his issues with Seiji that won't stop him from actually trying to seeing him past all their differences. our boy Natsume is just too kind for his own good T^T
if only that idiot learns a little from Natsume, or wait he actually learned something :)
#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu#matoba seiji#natsume takashi#I feel I didn't explain myself too well this time ...#I feel my mind isn't working much but I hope I expressed even if alittle bit ....#how I just want to analysis alot of things from this manga ....#but I also love reading other people's take on things ...#anyway ...#those parts from this story always gets to me ...#sometimes I find myself laughing at Seiji's reactions the other I find myself crying alot ...#there's no in between at all ....#am I gonna survive from this guy one day ?? nope NEVER
76 notes
·
View notes
Text
miss u guys <3
#i hope u are taking care of yourselves#i feel very :<#aaah idk how to explain how i feel because i myself dont understand it#but if u are also going through bad days then remember it’s okay#the presence of shadows is what reminds us that light exists#i love you#you did well today
30 notes
·
View notes