#i hope somehow they finally figure out to just talk about literally anything else and that your friendships recover 🩷🩷🩷

[sodrippy]

the way im about to become friendless irl bc I can't bear it anymore being asked about job applications every time I hang out with a mate like shut uppp I don't want to hear it just read the room please 😔 like I know it's out of concern but at this point there's people im starting to avoid with the way they won't stop asking and start giving tips how to format my resume and shit like I know I sound ungrateful but hearing about it makes me nauseous at this point

you dont sound ungrateful dude, it really does get SO irritating and frustrating when it starts to become all you hear/all your friends talk about.

and its an awkward thing where you cant really say anything except for trying to change the subject as quick as possible, and yes your friends are coming from a good place but genuinely...read the room!!!

maybe if you feel a bit more comfortable over text rather than irl you could msg them (or even just one friend if you know they could communicate the msg to the others?) that hey yes id love to hang out but i cant keep fielding questions on this anymore. or even just say dude lets hang out i need to stop thinking about the job thing, and hope they take the thing that you dont wanna talk about it 😭

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

So, that deja vu fic got me thinking.. and what if katsuki has a childhood friend (obvi friends w deku too) where he is always trying to impress her and class 1-a notices or ( if you’d like them older ) the agency notices and starts betting on when he’ll confess to her. turns out, she actually confesses first and everyone is happy (and slightly disappointed… nobody got their money) 😋😋

Also, when i saw the notification “@cashmoneyyysstuff started following you” i have never hit a follow back button so fast 😭🫶

Remember you’re amazing, take care of yourself, drink water, stay safe, and know that you are loved ❤️

bet on it, bet on it !!

there's definitely something going on between you two, and your classmates are determined to figure out when it'll finally happen

a/n: WAAAA @itzjustj-1000 this is soo cute ! especially since katsuki being a loser n tryin to impress us instead of just confessing is honestly adorable. ALSO ALSO ur LITERALLY THE SWEETEST !! ur the loveliest it's a given i had to follow u !! i tried to honour ur request as best i could, i hope you like it ! also say it w me yall: WEEWOOO WEEWOOO CHILDHOODFRIENDS TO LOVERS ALEEEEEERRTTT(yall r forcing my hand atp (not that im complaining tho))

fem reader, katsuki is a whipped little loser, katsuki likes getting praised by reader but acts like he doesn't challenge (fails miserably), kaminari n sero are little shits, m*neta (he doesn't say anything creepy don't worry <3) everyone is in their 2nd year in this one. lemme know if i missed something else !

for as long as izuku midoriya could remember, you and kacchan have always been a packaged deal.

deku remembers all the way back in primary school, how kacchan would bend over backwards to impress you, spending his days trying to win your praise like he was collecting it. whether it be showing off how good his reading skills were, or showing off his newly acquired quirk to you at any given chance. (away from the eyes of the teachers, of course)

or even with silly things. like the time he showed you how long he could hold his breath underwater. it didn't matter, as long as he could show it off to you, he would.

deku remembers how pride would fill his childhood friends face, cheeks practically glowing and a smile basically reaching his ears. a simple "woooah, you're so cool kacchan !" had the boastful blonde giddy for the entire day, chest puffed out as he walked ahead of everyone, with you right next to him, of course. (you were the only one worthy enough to stand by his side after all)

and though he spent his time trying to win your praise, he also needed your attention constantly. katsuki constantly demanded your attention. he's the only one who's allowed to sit next to you in class, you're always the one he picks first when it's time to pick teams to play dodgeball. he's your partner for every project and you're the one who walks beside him when you and your friends go venture out in the woods to go out on your adventures. and even though they would usually take place in the park, katsuki always claimed he'd be the one to protect you if anything were to happen.

as kids, deku was probably the only one who noticed how hard katsuki tried to impress you.

and he's probably the only one to notice how he still does it now.

"sooo...kacchan totally has a thing for yn, agreed ?"

"mhm. definitely."

"yup."

"'m suprised you just noticed that now, kaminari...actually i'm not really suprised." jirou drawled, twirling one of her earphone jacks around her finger.

okay, so apparently he isn't the only one who noticed.

kaminari pouts "i noticed ! i noticed, like, ages ago !" he huffs into his folded elbows on the desk " i just wanted to see if you guys did !"

"you'd be stupid to miss it." sero cuts in smoothly. their grouchy homeroom teacher somehow ended up absent, leading to an impromptu free period. which in turn caused for loads of gossip he had somehow gotten roped into. kirishima, kaminari and sero were talking about you and katsuki, happily chatting off about something they couldn't hear from where they were sitting.

"maaaannn, bakugou's way too lucky, scoring such a pretty girl. what's he got that i don't ?!" kaminari whines. kirishima shushes him lightly, afraid to rouse the attention of a certain blonde they just so happened to be talking about

"now that i think about it.." sero wondered, leaning onto kirishima's shoulder "midoriya, you guys are childhood friends, right ? have they always been..." he cuts himself off, pointing over at you both with his chin for midoriya to look back. ".. like that ?"

you're chatting about something that's apparently funny or exciting, with katsuki listening along attentively, his head resting in his palm like he's admiring you. his full focus entirely on you, as it usually was.

you're using your hands a lot while you're talking and deku recognizes it as the thing you do when you've gotten to the juicy part of the conversation, deku almost wishes he could listen in, then remembers it's not good to be nosy and shakes the thought away. every once in a while katsuki interjects with a subtle smirk on his face and his remarks have you either giggling or playfully pouting at him unable to hide your smile. the playfulness in his heavy lidded red eyes remains at any reaction you give him, though. kacchan's worked on his poker face over the years but it seems he can't control himself when it comes to you.

izuku realizes he's been openly staring for too long and quickly turns back to look at sero who raises an eyebrow, awaiting a response.

izuku chuckles to himself "yeah, pretty much." he hums, playing around with the ends of his tie as he speaks.

"oooouu~" kaminari sings, suddenly lifting his head up from where it was hidden into his shoulder with a sudden burst of energy, startling kirishima. "juicy details about kacchan, i'm in !"

"i don't know if it's exactly 'juicy'" izuku sweatdropped, chuckling awkwardly. "but kacchan and yn have always been really close. when we were younger, kacchan would always be seeking out yn's attention. he'd be really possesive..or protective over her, i guess ?—it was all pretty harmless though." he recounted, smiling softly at his childhood memories nostalgically pouring into his mind.

both kirishima and sero let out quiet hums when he finishes while denki simply pouts "s'not as juicy as i thought it would be" he huffs petulantly, receiving a knock on his head from jirou who hisses a "he told you that, idiot"

kirishima places his head into the palm of his hands and sighs dreamingly "man, that's so cute. bakugou's been a major softie for yn for so long.." he clenches his fist and izuku thinks he sees a little tear in his eye "so manly !" he exclaims through his sharp teeth.

"yeah, i don't know if 'manly' is the word i'd use to describe someone who's been whipped for so long and still doesn't have the balls to confess" sero ribbed, snickering to himself with denki joining in shortly after.

"hey, don't be assholes !" jirou shot "i think it's kinda cute y'know ? not really..manly..but—cute." she said.

"how much you wanna bet he's not gonna confess until graduation?" kaminari challenged.

"wouldn't put it past 'im." a voice suddenly chimes in. the five of them all turn their heads left, right then down at the voice that came from none other than mineta, who had somehow wormed his way into the conversation.

"and what the hell do you think you're doing sneaking into our conversation, freak" jirou sneers, glaring down at mineta who had already dragged his chair over, including himself into the group.

mineta decides to ignore jirou as he places his arms onto the desk seriously like he's imitating some type of mafia don. " bakugou's never gonna confess any time soon, he's too much of a pussy" he waves off nonchalantly "i bet he won't even have done it by the time we've finished school ! "

" and i bet you wouldn't say that to his face !" kaminari guffaws and the purple haired boy sputters. izuku can't hold back his grin as he watches them bicker.

" kacchan's always been pretty..sure of himself" he settles "i don't think it'd take him that long to confess" he guessed, pressing his thumb onto his chin "though maybe the fact that he's so sure of himself could hold him back.."

ah, there he goes again.. the rest of them thought as they watch midoriya babble on and on into theory land.

denki suddenly slams his fists on the desks, startling everyone. he sucks in a breath "alright ! i bet a thousand yen and the entirety of my lunch box that bakugou won't confess by the end of this year !" he exclaims, not too loud but loud enough so everyone in the group could hear him.

"oooouu~ what're we betting on ?" mina chimes in, suddenly appearing behing jirou and in turn startling her. she flashes her a little glare causing the pink haired girl to offer a weak apology and a hug.

"kaminari just bet a thousand yen and his lunch that bakugou won't confess to yn by the end of this year" sero smirked, clearly enjoying the drama

" ou, that sounds fun ! lemme join in too !" the pink skinned girl pleaded giving her best puppy eye and pout combo.

"sure ! just don't come cryin' to me when you lose" kaminari agrees, playfully jabbing at his friend.

"this is so stupid. i'm not betting money on this.."jirou scoffs rubbing at her temple. "c'moooonnn, don't be chicken, jirou ! " denki whines

"mhmm, c'moonn jirou give into peer pressure !" mina joins in, wrapping her arms around the purple haired girl and swaying her side to side.

jirou groans before finally conceding "..five hundred yen. that's all you're getting from me." she concludes sourly crossing her arms.

" i'm gonna go with kaminari's and say his balls won't drop 'till graduation" sero says simply, smirking almost mischieviously at the display of sudden chaos. he looks a little too pleased, izuku sweatdrops.

"i'm not betting on my bro, that's so unmanly." kirishima refused " i say just let them go at their own pace" he finishes, receiving a nasty look from his chaotic classmates.

needless to say kirishima gave in to peer pressure soon after, offering a modest 1,100 yen by this summer for his friend to confess.

"well i stand on what i said, i don't think he has the balls to say it at all. and i put that on all the money in my pockets ! " mineta proudly spoke.

"how much is that, like, one fruit roll-up ?" mina deadpanned, not missing a beat causing the group to erupt in laughter. mineta's objection's falling on deaf ears.

meanwhile, katsuki notices you've stopped talking all of a sudden. it takes him by surprise as you were so into it a minute ago. "what's up ?" he asks. his question snaps you out of your trance and you jump slightly, turning back to look at him "oh , nothing ! they just seem to be having fun " you gasp, a smile crawling up on your face as you look back at your friends having a good time.

katsuki on the other hand has a slight pout forming on his face, displeased at how his loud mouthed friends distracted you from your conversation. and from him he thinks, but that makes him feel like a snot nosed little kid again and his expression turns even more sour.

"tch. the fuck are those losers so loud for" he grumbles under his breath. you catch it though, and you giggle. his eyes brighten and his brows unfurrow the slightest bit when he hears it.

"don't be such a buzzkill katsu, s'not their fault you're no fun." you jest, chuckling to yourself when he scowls at you.

"fuck off ! m'not a buzzkill" he rolls his eyes, huffing indignantly "an' i'm plenty of fun" he finishes grumpily. you laugh a little more, covering your mouth with your hand when you catch a peak of him narrowing his eyes at you making fun of him. he simply rolls his eyes and sighs, shaking his head. he'll let it slide, he always does with you.

"right, right. my apologies, sir dynamight" you chuckle, bowing slightly at him, he huffs out a laugh "that's sir lord explosion murder god dynamight to you" he snorts. you throw your head back and laugh and katsuki feels the same pride he used to feel when he'd found something cool to show you back when you were brats. his stomach feels fuzzy and his head feels clouded the way it used to when you'd offer him your big, bright sparkly eyes and a "you're so cool kacchan !""

god, it never failed to remind him how much of a whipped loser he was for you.

and unfortunately still is.

you scoot your chair a little closer to his and katsuki has to use all of his might not to blush at the sudden proximity, as miniscule as the distance between you both was to begin with.

"well okay then, sir lord explosion murder god dynamight" you say rapidly, laughing to yourself. katsuki let's out a breathy chuckle, it's cute. he's cute. " i'm sure it doesn't mean much, but i at least think you’re plenty fun to be around"

katsuki feels his heart skip a beat too many.

you whisper, like it's a secret. you're in your own little corner while all your classmates are chatting away yet you say this to him like it's something between you and him. batting your eyelashes up at him. god, it's like you're out to kill him and honestly katsuki thinks for a second he wouldn't mind dying by your hand.

he's such a whipped loser.

he can't think straight. you're sitting so close to him, you're lips are glossy from that lip gloss you always have on you. you smell nice, katsuki feels like a creep for smelling you like you aren't a breath away from him.

"yeah, well.." he utters lowly. he licks his lips, feeling himself grow dizzy as he watches you watch the movement intensely and swallows. his adam's apple bobs and he can feel himself blushing like an idiot. " i don't think you're all that bad either" the end of his sentence comes out a little breathy, he barely realizes he's speaking. like his body is deciding for him, he doesn't mind much.

you give him a sweet little smile and your eyes shine like stars and you look up at him like he's everything, like he's the coolest. he wants you to look at him like this all the time.

you suddenly lean in and kiss him, right next to his lips, just at the corner. it lasts for about 0.3 seconds but katsuki feel his entire body exploding from the inside like he's let off his quirk onto himself.

"i take it back actually" you start " you're super cool to be around,kacchan " you whisper bashfully. katsuki huffs out a little laugh once his heart had stabilized itself a little bit, a small smile growing on his face—

" AW MAN? WHAT THE HELL ?!"

you both turn to the sound of your electric classmate, sporting a little pout on his face. proceeding to get dog-piled on by your other classmates surrounding him, causing him to let out whines and moans of complaint.

"i-ignore him !" mina waves off nervously "just keep doin' what you were doin !— i mean, we weren't watching or anything !" she splutters.

"nice one." jirou deadpanned sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "look, we don't mean to pry or anything, but who kissed who first ?"

at that, katsuki's cheeks flare up, turning a damn near violent shade of pink. he's about to yell obscenties at his classmates, about to tell them it's none of their business when-

" i did !" you giggle, a cat-like grin on your face

"you sneaky fuckin minx-" katsuki growls, shoving his index fingers into your sides and you let out a squeal mixed with a giggle. you're quickly drowned out by your classmates releasing a group groan, with sero and kaminari yelling and booing at katsuki, who in turn starts threathing them, his hands crackling and popping.

you don't exactly know what's happening, but you can't help but feel extremely joyful and happy.

"soo.." mineta starts "since i said bakugou wouldn't confess first doesn't that technically mean i-"

" IN YOUR DREAMS ! "

[suzukiblu]

Day six of “obligatory sugar baby Kon” behind the cut. tw: implications of past grooming/abuse and the inherent problems in someone who was in that situation trying to flirt with someone actually age-appropriate. prev: (( chrono || non-chrono ))

Tim’s the one who hesitates this time, and Kon looks increasingly mortified and uncomfortable and anxious and like he might be about to just– 

“I do,” Tim says finally, because he does and also because he can’t stand making Kon look like that; because his chest literally hurts, seeing Kon look like that. Did Kon think that wasn’t–did he think that was a question, somehow? “I–yeah. Yes. I like you. That’s not–I definitely like you.” 

He just really hopes that when he says that, Kon isn’t hearing . . . something different. 

Hearing something different than what he means, is what he means by that. 

“But you don't wanna do anything,” Kon says to the alley wall, rubbing a hand up his arm and fidgeting restlessly. “Like–you took me to the planetarium last time and like, it was cool and I dug it, don't get me wrong, I just . . . I thought when you said you had plans for after dinner you wanted to, like, get a room or something. And when I said all that stuff about, you know–when I said you could take, you know, pics and stuff, it seemed like you were into it then, but when I actually, like, you know . . . I just . . . am I doing something wrong? Like–I don’t get it. I'm always the one making the moves and I just–am I fucking something up here or what?” 

“No,” Tim says, and his voice is definitely, definitely too tight now. “Definitely not. I–what about that makes you think you're doing something wrong?” 

“I just–thought you liked me,” Kon says with a helpless wince. 

“I do,” Tim repeats. He just–he doesn’t know what to say here. This isn’t Robin with a victim; this is Tim, and . . . 

Kon’s his friend, even without all the rest of it. Even if they never did any of this at all. 

“But you don’t wanna do anything to me,” Kon says, which is just what he already said except for the part where this time he says the quiet part out loud, and Tim thinks yes, because you just PHRASED it that way.

He hesitates again, then just . . . reaches out–awkwardly, kind of–and takes Kon’s hands. It’s not a natural instinct for him, but–Kon’s tactile, after all. So . . . tactile, Tim figures. Just . . . something tactile, to start. 

And something tactile that does not involve effectively their entire bodies being pressed together, because that is really not a situation in which he can think straight, or possibly even think at all. Just . . . 

Definitely not, yeah. 

He just needs to figure out how to navigate this without making Kon feel shitty about it. He can do that. Robin could do that, so Tim Drake can figure something out. 

“I want to do things with you, to be clear,” he says, clearing his throat again. “Just–establishing that, before anything else. Just, uh, some of this is moving a little . . . fast, for me.” 

He figures that’s an easier way to phrase it without making Kon feel like he’s wrong for . . . acting like this. Figures it’s a better way to ease him into the realization that it’s not . . . necessary behavior, if nothing else. 

It’s definitely wrong, but that’s not Kon’s fault. 

He just really hopes that saying something like that isn’t going to make Tim Drake seem like a prude or boring or–like, Kon’s so eager for attention and specifically flirtatious attention and isn’t used to–

Tim, briefly, remembers the toy store. Remembers thinking that Kon was used to confident older women and the celebrity treatment, and not–“stupid kiddie stuff”, he’d thought then. And he remembers the coffee shop, and thinking that Kon didn’t seem to know how to talk to civilians except by hitting on them. 

He is such an idiot. 

He is such a huge, gigantic, unfathomable idiot.

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕋𝕠𝕠 𝕒𝕟𝕩𝕚𝕠𝕦𝕤 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @wabatle request: HELLO HELLO HERE I AM WITH ANOTHER OBEY ME REQUEST 😋😋😋🔥🔥🔥

anyways!! can I request Lucifer, Satan, Asmo, Belphie and Diavolo with a partner that has really bad social anxiety? like they have a hard time talking to people and freeze up when they have to talk to someone, and they tend to overthink things they say a lot (me overthinking while I write this 🤑🤑)

THANKS POOKIE LOVE YOU 😘😍

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ WELCOME BACK LOVE!!

Yes you can!!! Also I dunno if this is considered short or no buuuuuut I feel like it kinda is so I'm very sorry for that but I don't really like forcing so I just wrote whatever popped into my head 😔

Either way! I hope you like it!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

✧ Lucifer would be rather patient with you...

✧ his 2nd younger brother is pretty social anxious too so he probably knows kinda what to do

✧ he'll try getting you out first with date ideas and so on, slowly getting you into going out more

✧ he'll do some talks but won't ever make you feel ignored, asking you about your opinion from time to time, even if it would be small nod

✧ he definitely likes taking pride in the fact that he's always the one who you ask to talk for you (even if you do it just because you have no other choice)

"Yes, we'll take two of these. Would that be correct, dearest? Or is there something more you'd like?"

✧ he's slowly getting you to talk more by gently pushing you to place your order by yourself and slowly goes onwards, trying to be patient with you

✧ if he won't see any results tho... he might get a bit pissed off, but he also knows it won't do anything...

✧ he might just need to think of something else... But how long will it take? Guess it only depends on you and how willing you'll be to cooperate!

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@wabatle - come get your scary brother!

✧ Satan most likely does slightly more research about it just to make sure he knows how to treat person struggling with that

✧ recognizing it in his brother, he'll probably also try asking him, but he doesn't get many information there in the end...

✧ he tries his best to help you but he's actually a bit forceful with pushing you towards talking more

✧ he's the type to not say a word when you finally come to counter at cafe, and when you look at him, he'll just look at you expectingly...

"C'mon. You can do it."

✧ even if you'd be stuttering, he's still gonna be proud of you!

✧ and don't worry if someone laughs or teases you about that... he'll most likely get pissed off for that quite easily and... you can figure out the rest...

✧ he'll sometimes ask you straightforward if you need any help from his side but he'll try not to spoil you by ALWAYS talking for you. You need to get some practice as well after all!

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@miya-akane @wabatle - come get your pretty princess~

✧ Asmo is literally like your opposite! Yet, you somehow landed in relationship together... How? Good question! But none of you really mind~

✧ though he does get a bit worried about you sometimes...

✧ he tried getting you out on many parties, trying to convince you it's gonna be fun and that he'll be by your side but... it ended differently...

✧ if you agreed, he definitely stayed with you but he also invited quite a large group to hangout with you as well...

✧ if you didn't, he's most likely to be a bit pouty for a little while... but he'll get over ut soon!

"C'mon, Y/N!! Just one party! I swear I won't even drink more than one glass, please! It'll be fun! We can even dance together there, hm~?"

✧ he usually just drags you with him wherever he goes hoping it'll work

✧ he's not really good with this, so you may want to be just honest with him and it'll certainly give him better understanding of how he should handle your anxiety!

✧ if you tell him what he was doing wrong, prepare for wave of apology kisses and even more promises he'll try better now that he knows more about your problem

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@vodka-glrl @wabatle - come get your cat lover!

✧ Belphie will support you but... don't expect him to push you towards going out more

✧ if anything, he may hold you back just because he's not done sleeping yet

✧ whenever you tell him you talked with someone on your own, he'll always praise you for that!

✧ though whenever you have little debate if you should go out or stay at home... he'll always tell you to stay at home and just take a nap with him which... doesn't really help your problem...

"Don't wanna go out? Yeah, me neither... Let's just take a nap."

✧ being with him would really require some motivation from you to overcome social anxiety...

✧ plus is he'll always leave the talking to you since he'll be too tired to do it himself, so whenever you drag him out, you'll get some practice in!

✧ if you're really too nervous tho... he'll drop few words every now and then to help you out

✧ and similar to Satan, don't worry about anyone laughing whenever you get nervous! He'll first drag you away but behind your back, he makes sure they learn their lesson...

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@miya-akane @wabatle - come get your sleepyhead~

✧ Diavolo is actually very understanding! But among all of that... he tends to spoil you by always doing the talking for you...

✧ if you ever feel like hopping in, he'll inmidietly shut up and let you speak tho!

✧ but don't expect him to slyly let you into a conversation... he'll be more than happy if you join on your own but he won't force you

✧ he'll also give you a little reward for every time you break your walls and open up to someone, even if you only said like one sentence

"Why of course! I want to treat you to cafe because of this very reason. I find it worthy to celebrate, don't you?"

✧ he probably will need you to tell him to push you sometime so you can break your walls more if you want him to get you to do that

✧ he'll still have a bit of trouble with forcing you but... he'll try his best! But he's teached to take first "no" so it may take a little while...

✧ either way, he'll shut up everyone who ever dares interrupt you. Not in a mean way... he's actually very polite but... he'll prioritize whatever you have to say over anyone else~

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@wabatle - come get your childish ruler!

[steddieas-shegoes]

so for the prompt thingy... i have several and you can pick any, all, or none of them! 1. Steve and Eddie getting one over Murray when he's being all you two are pining ect. 2. Uncle Wayne - anything where Wayne accepts Steve immediately and tries to get him and Eddie married. 3. Werewolf den mother steve being seduced to be eddie's mate 4. Hopper as Steve's father figure accepting Eddie immediately because he isn't a wheeler.

I have so many cause i have ideas but can't write for crap... So thank you for being so open about writing! It's really nice to know it isn't a bother to ask...

THIS WAS SO EXCITING!!!! I did end up combining 1 and 4 into one. Also, I didn't IGNORE 3, but I got another request that is somewhat related and I think I am going to work on this when I work on that, but I didn't want you to wait longer for these other ones. I hope you love these! - Mickala ❤️

--------------------------------------------------

PROMPT 1 AND 4

Murray clocked Eddie within literal seconds. That wasn’t surprising according to everyone who dealt with him before.

What was surprising was that he didn’t immediately call him out. Maybe he actually respected that some people’s secrets should stay secrets.

Or maybe he was just waiting until he figured Steve out, too.

Which apparently happened on a random Saturday at the Byers’ home.

But the thing is. The thing is that Eddie had clocked Steve within seconds, too.

So when the dust settled after Vecna, and Steve pulled Eddie from Hell, and he finally got his true love’s kiss (according to Robin), it took them about six hours before they were making out in Eddie’s hospital bed and calling each other boyfriends.

But only a handful of people were in on it, mostly to protect themselves, but also because they liked just having this for them. Too much of their lives had been out of their control, and they liked being able to have control over this one thing.

Until Murray.

They weren’t even next to each other when it happened.

Steve was helping Hopper at the grill, even though he’d been hopelessly terrible at grilling anytime he attempted it at pool parties with the kids. Eddie was pretty sure it was just to spend time with Hopper.

Eddie was with Will and Lucas, planning out a campaign that Will would DM for all of them, not even looking at Steve.

Okay, maybe he kept glancing over there occasionally, but that was just to make sure that he wasn’t catching anything on fire.

But they were always careful around everyone, and the fleeting glances he gave weren’t abnormal for him. He would do a visual checklist in his mind anytime they were all together, keeping count of everyone in his head the way Steve often did if they were all out somewhere.

“So you’re in love with Steve.”

Eddie jumped at Murray’s voice. He hadn’t even realized he was here.

Will and Lucas were staring, though Will didn’t look surprised at all. If Dustin blabbed…

“Don’t worry, nobody said anything.”

“Uh.”

“And I won’t say anything to anyone else.”

“O…kay?”

“Especially not Steve.”

Wait.

Murray didn’t know they were together, he just thought Eddie was pining.

Oh, this would be fun.

Eddie fought off a smirk, choosing to appear more worried.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Will, somehow, seemed to catch on to everything at once. Maybe his suspicions about Will were right, or maybe Will had just learned to be perceptive about things like this. Either way, he was hoping Will would play along.

“Oh, it’s fine,” Murray said with an annoying hand wave. “I don’t care about you being gay. I’ve had plenty of relations with men in my day.”

Gross, but okay. At least there’s that.

“The problem here is that Steve is so very straight.”

Oh my God, Murray was so wrong.

He shoved down the glee he felt at knowing Murray was wrong about two things.

“And so obviously still in love with Nancy. Poor guy doesn’t know how to call it quits on something that was never good for him. Gotta hand it to him, when he falls, he’s committed.”

Well, some of that was true, but he wouldn’t give Murray the excitement of being right about that.

“How long have you had these feelings? Oh wait, let me guess.” Murray pretended to think for a moment before he smirked. “Since high school when he was the King of the school and you were nobody just trying to survive your second senior year.”

It was longer than that, but he wasn’t going to give him any satisfaction from this conversation.

“You know, Steve would be fine with you coming out to him. I’m sure he’d even play wingman for you if you ask nicely.”

The plan forming in Eddie’s head was going to be so fun.

“You’re right. He’s changed a lot since high school and we’re friends now. I should tell him.”

Will’s eyes widened as he realized what was happening.

“The sooner the better. Keeping these secrets is mentally exhausting. I keep a lot of secrets for people.”

Hard to believe considering most of what came out of Murray’s mouth was something about someone else that they probably wouldn’t want other people to know.

“I’ll go tell him now.”

Eddie got up, ignoring Murray’s protests about this being a family function and isn’t responsible for if things go south.

“Hey Steve, can we talk for a second?” Eddie said loud enough for Murray to hear from across the yard.

Steve was busy flipping a burger as Hopper watched closely.

“Uh, sure. Everything okay?”

“I need you to go along with this,” he whispered. “Today’s the day.”

“Today? Right now?”

“If you’re okay with it.”

They’d discussed it recently; Coming out was something they had to do eventually, especially with how often they were almost caught kissing in the kitchen or holding hands during movie night.

As nice as it was having this for themselves, they knew they had to say something before everyone caught on and felt blindsided by it. Just having Dustin and Max knowing was a risk.

Plus, they wanted to be able to hold hands over the blanket for movie nights, not under.

“Okay.”

Hopper was watching them suspiciously, not interrupting, but clearly wanting to.

“What did you wanna talk about?”

“So you know how everyone thinks I’m into men?”

“I’ve heard the rumors.”

Steve was so good at going along with Eddie’s dramatics. God, he loved him so much.

“They aren’t just rumors. I do like men. Actually, I’ve only ever liked one girl and I was 11, so I think it’s fair to say my judgment could have been off.”

Steve smiled fondly at him, holding back a laugh as he remembered that story from the one time Eddie went to summer camp.

“So I guess now would be a good time to tell you that I also like men.”

“Oh?”

Eddie looked at Murray out of the corner of his eye, smirking at the way he was muttering to himself, disbelief written across his features.

“Yeah, one man in particular.”

“Have I met him? Is he hot?”

“You have and he’s known for fishing for compliments. He knows he’s hot,” Steve raised his eyebrow at him as he turned to take the burgers off the grill and put them on a plate Hopper was wordlessly handing him.

“Excuse me for wanting to hear it out loud in front of all our family and friends.”

“Wait! You’re…are you…you can’t be…together?!”

Murray was outraged and Eddie couldn’t help the snort he let out as he wrapped an arm around Steve’s waist, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

Steve blushed, like he always did when Eddie showed him affection, but kept putting burgers on the plate.

Hopper was suddenly right in front of Eddie, eyes squinting at him, calculating.

“How long have you been with Steve?”

“Uh. Since March.”

“You’re boyfriends?”

“Yes, sir.”

Eddie never called Hopper sir. Not once in his entire drug dealing and getting away with it career, not once since he came back after Vecna.

But Steve had gotten really close to him when he came back, so he did respect him. And he knew that his opinion mattered to Steve.

“I think I owe you a little conversation then.”

Steve held up the spatula, pointing it between them.

“You two behave. I’m a grown man, Hop. I don’t need you to do what I think you’re gonna do.”

“Yeah, but you’re my kid, and this is what I do for all my kids.”

Steve dropped the spatula.

Eddie’s eyes widened.

He tried to send a silent message to everyone to give them a moment, maybe find something to keep their eyes and ears busy while Steve and Hopper talked for a minute, but everyone’s eyes remained on them.

Hopper sighed.

“Look, your parents suck. That’s not a secret to anyone here, especially not you or me.” Eddie tried not to let his mind wrap around how Hopper seemed to know more details than he did about Steve’s parents. “You’ve never had someone to watch out for you like a parent should. But you’ve got me now. And if I wanna give Eddie a bit of a shovel talk, you’re gonna let me. He’s better than a Wheeler.”

“Hey!” Mike yelled from where he was sitting between El and Dustin on the porch.

“Can it, Michael!” Hopper yelled back at him. “So Eddie and I are just gonna have a quick chat inside. You know how to do the hot dogs on your own.”

“Uh.”

Hopper pulled Eddie away from Steve, guiding him back up the porch steps, passing Murray’s befuddled face.

They went into the house, keeping a good distance between them.

Eddie had never been this nervous before, not even when he had to talk to a judge about living with Wayne or when the government officials took his Upside Down statement.

“So.”

“So,” Eddie responded, clasping his hands in front of him and playing with his rings nervously.

“You and Steve? Really?”

“I-”

“No, I’m talking,” Hopper held his hand up to stop Eddie from trying to explain. “You know about Steve’s parents?”

“A little. Enough, probably.”

“It’s not my thing to share, but I will say I’ve been looking out for Steve for a lot longer than he even realizes. I’ve seen how he handles hurt. I don’t wanna see it ever again. Especially not because of some metalhead who took three years to get through his senior year. You got me?”

“Yes sir.”

“Does Wayne know?”

“What?” Eddie was still trying to parse through the first part of what Hopper said to him.

“Does Wayne know about you and Steve?”

“Yeah, he kind of walked in on a situation that left no room for hiding.”

Hopper nodded once in understanding. No further details needed on that one.

“You boys let me know if anyone out there gives you trouble, okay?”

“Okay.”

They stared at each other in silence.

“You love him?”

“More than anything.”

Hopper gave him a sincere smile. A real smile from Hopper. He got an actual smile!

“Good. You both deserve to have something good with each other.”

Eddie wasn’t going to cry. Not now, now in front of Hopper, not when he had to go back out to their little get together.

Hopper’s hand rested on his shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze.

“I know everything about you. Just remember that if you ever think about hurting him.”

“Yes, sir.”

Hopper left through the backdoor, yelling at Murray to stop mumbling to himself because he was scaring the kids. He looked out the window to see Joyce and Max hovering near Steve at the grill and he smiled to himself.

Steve was so loved by all these people, and he was so loved by all these people. It probably didn’t matter if they were obvious, if anyone knew about them from the start, if Murray was right or wrong.

The people who mattered were just happy that they were happy and he couldn’t ask for more than that.

-----------------------------------------------------

PROMPT 2

“Why the hell are you cleaning the shower? Is that bleach?” Wayne scrunched his nose at the overwhelming smell of bleach coming from their shared bathroom.

“I’m having a guest over.”

“And they plan on showering here?” Wayne smiled amusedly at Eddie’s frantic scrubbing.

“It’s Steve.”

Ah. It all made sense now.

Wayne took a sip from his mug, his black coffee lukewarm from sitting on the counter for a bit too long.

“So he’s showering here? Is there somethin’ wrong with his showers?”

“It’s just in case,” Eddie huffed, finally pausing to look over at Wayne in the doorway.

“In case he spills the entire kitchen on his head?”

“Can’t I just clean the bathroom? When’s the last time we cleaned this thing?”

“Probably the last time I made you clean it as punishment for something.”

“When’s the last time you punished me for something?”

“It’s about to be now with that tone,” Wayne said as he raised his brows.

He’d never seen Eddie quite like this, not even the one time he brought a girl home for dinner. He knew he’d been kind of in love with Steve from a distance for a while, and when everything happened in March, they’d gotten close, but he didn’t realize how close.

“Sorry. I just want things to go okay.”

“Is there a reason they won’t? You spend an awful lot of time with that boy already.”

“I just don’t want him to think we’re trash, ya know? Like, we kinda are, but I don’t want him to see it.”

Wayne didn’t like that Eddie referred to himself as trash, never had. Sure, they were broke, and he was usually too busy working and trying to get some sleep to deep clean the house, and he didn’t really have nice stuff, but they had what they needed and they were safe.

“Has he ever said or done anything to make you think you’re trash? If he has, he ain’t welcome here.”

Eddie sighed.

“No, he’s been really nice.”

“So you’re worryin’ for you, then. Didn’t I tell ya to stop doin’ that?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Open the window in here, air it out. Gonna kill the boy with the smell of bleach,” Wayne said as he walked back to his chair.

His days off were few and far between, even after they got their trailer fixed up and paid off for free and Eddie’s medical bills suspiciously disappeared. He spent most of them watching TV or fixing something, but now that he knew Steve was coming, he wanted to cook dinner.

Maybe he wanted to impress him to keep him around for Eddie.

Maybe he just wanted an excuse to cook something.

But it was barely past lunch, and he wanted to relax a bit before Eddie was so high strung from stress that he couldn’t breathe.

He watched his TV, but he listened to Eddie grumbling from his room, the occasionally clatter or bump making him laugh to himself at how much effort Eddie was putting in.

“You alright?” He asked after a particularly loud bump against the wall.

“Yep!”

Wayne checked the clock and saw it was close enough to the time he needed to start making dinner.

“Eddie? How’s pork chops and mashed potatoes sound?”

“Good!”

Something falls in Eddie’s room, but Wayne just shakes his head and goes to the kitchen to start prepping everything.

His pork chops were Eddie’s favorite for years, probably because they usually only had them on special occasions or if Wayne was able to go in a little late to have dinner with him. Anytime he had his friends over, Wayne would try to make them.

And now he could make them for Steve.

Steve had been over a lot when Eddie first got out of the hospital, helping make sure he had everything he needed while Wayne was at work, making sure he was being left alone by the idiots in town.

He stopped coming by as much after a while, but anytime Eddie came in the door, he’d been with Steve. He was visiting Steve at work, or at Steve’s house, or with Steve and the kids at the arcade or the diner, or with Steve at the quarry.

Wayne wasn’t stupid.

He knew Eddie was in love with the boy.

He just didn’t know for sure if Steve loved him back.

But he’d find out tonight one way or another, even if he had to outright ask.

He got lost in the cooking, barely noticing Eddie walking in and out with dirty dishes and trash from his bedroom.

But then he heard a loud knock on the front door and Eddie’s footsteps racing to open it, and Wayne Munson almost had a heart attack.

Eddie was wearing plain blue jeans, the sneakers he got just for graduation, and a button down shirt. A nice button down shirt.

“You look nice.”

“Shut up. It’s just what I had clean.”

“Right. Sure.”

Wayne smirked down at the pan in front of him, flipping the pork chops over and drizzling more of the melted butter sauce over them as they seared.

He pretended not to listen to the exchange at the door as Eddie let Steve in, but couldn’t help it when he caught Steve planting a kiss on Eddie’s cheek.

“Hope you like pork chops. Wayne’s real good at making them.”

“Yeah, that sounds good. You look nice.”

“Oh uh, thanks. You do also. I mean, too. You look nice too.”

Wayne had never heard Eddie like this, he’d definitely never seen him like this, and he had to figure out what the hell made Steve so special that Eddie suddenly became a different person.

He turned to welcome him and was met by a Steve Harrington he almost didn’t recognize.

He seemed shy for some reason, as if he hadn’t been by Wayne’s side for hours at a time in the hospital waiting for any change with Eddie. He was dressed in similar jeans to Eddie, but was wearing a Metallica shirt that definitely belonged to Eddie.

He was also wearing Eddie’s guitar pick necklace.

So this was serious.

“Well, hey there, Steve. Nice to see you here again.”

Steve was blushing.

“Thanks for having me, Mr. Munson.”

“Steve, we agreed you can call me Wayne last year, didn’t we?”

“Oh. Right. Sorry, sir.”

“It’s okay, son,” Wayne laughed. “Dinner will be ready in a few if you boys wanna grab drinks and plates.”

They did, and Wayne watched out of the corner of his eye as Eddie placed a hand on Steve’s lower back and kissed his shoulder.

They were silently getting things out, but moving in a way that made Wayne smile.

They revolved around each other the way soulmates do, naturally being close enough to touch but not, always anticipating where the other person will be and what they’ll need, happy just to orbit each other.

Wayne watched as Eddie smiled at Steve, who was sticking his tongue out at him while he reached for the cans of soda in the fridge.

He’d never seen him so light, so happy, so content. Especially not since everything that happened with the quake.

He grabbed the plates from Eddie and served them each a hearty portion of food.

“This looks great, Wayne. Thanks for cooking.”

“No need to be so formal, Steve. I like cookin’ for you boys.”

They took a few bites in a slightly awkward silence. Eddie’s leg was shaking so badly, the whole table started moving. What the hell was this kid so nervous about?

Steve placed his hand on Eddie’s knee, probably thinking it was out of sight. Wayne watched as Eddie stopped his movements and settled completely, letting out a long breath.

“So what’s the occasion? Not that I ain’t happy to have ya over, Steve, it just seems outta nowhere.”

“We uh, actually wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh?”

Wayne knew where this was going, but he liked to keep Eddie guessing.

“Yeah. So you know how I’ve been spending a lot of time with Steve.”

“Go on.”

“Well, a few months ago, um. I told him about me. Like how I’m into men and women. And it turns out he is too! So that was a relief obviously. And we talked about how nice it was having someone else know and then he explained he’d never even kissed a guy which is just kind of silly because look at him! He’s hot! And I told him he could kiss me to get it out of the way, ya know? Because sometimes just getting the first one out of the way just makes you more confident and then he kissed me to shut me up because I was rambling like I am now, Jesus Christ, Steve, please stop me.”

“Okay, so what he’s trying to say is um. We’ve been boyfriends for a while now. And I’m.” Steve took a shaky breath, then put his hand in Eddie’s on his lap. “I’m so in love with him, Wayne. He’s been spending a lot of time at my house, but I wanted to come here and he was worried about us not being able to hide it around you so I told him we could just tell you. I hope it’s okay.”

Wayne kept his face level, no smile or frown, just waiting to see if they’d word vomit anymore.

“And like, it’s okay if you don’t want to see any PDA or anything! We won’t like make out on the couch or anything, but we just wanted you to know. I wanted you to know. And Steve knows you’re so important to me so he agreed.”

“And we’ll probably still spend a lot of time at Steve’s because that’s where the kids like to hang out since he has a pool and a lot of space for us to watch movies. So you’ll hardly even see us together here.”

“Are you boys done?”

“Yes, sir,” Steve said, head hanging down.

“Good. Who knew you both could ramble on like that?”

They stayed silent, anxiously waiting for Wayne to yell at them or kick them out.

“You love each other?”

They both nodded.

“And you make each other happy?”

They nodded with smiles growing on their faces.

“Then I want you boys here, loving each other, making each other happy, whether I’m here or not. You’re always welcome in my home.”

He felt the relief wash over them, their tense bodies relaxing in their chairs.

“Now, Steve.”

“Oh no. Don’t,” Eddie said, suddenly tense again.

“Now, wait a minute. It’s my job, Eddie.”

“No it’s really not. I’m an adult, I can take care of myself.”

Wayne turned to Steve with a small smile.

“You’ve heard the speech before, I’m sure. You hurt him, I hurt you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, if you hurt him on purpose, they’ll never find your body, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And you,” Wayne turned to Eddie. “Same goes for you. You think just because you’re my blood I won’t protect Steve if you do somethin’ stupid?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Now that that’s settled.” Wayne took a sip of his drink. “Steve, you like ice cream?”

“I love ice cream.”

“What’s your favorite flavor? I always keep Eddie’s in the freezer.”

“Oh. You don’t have to do that.”

“Stevie, you better answer him or he’ll guess.”

Steve laughed. He looked happy. Wayne liked that he looked happy.

“Mint chip.”

“We all have our flaws.”

“Hey! It’s good!”

Wayne laughed.

“Fine, fine. I’ll get some at the store this weekend.”

Wayne knew what it was like to have neglectful parents, and he knew that Steve may have had a lot of things handed to him, but never love and affection from his own parents.

So if he was someone Eddie loved, and who loved Eddie, then he was going to have to accept the love and affection Wayne had to offer.

[pcheyes]

since you are looking for requests, how about something valentines related with eunseok or seunghan? they're so valentine coded to me

ahh they are !!!

lovestruck

pairing: eunseok x fem reader

genre: fluff, friends to lovers,

warnings: eunseok is hopelessly in love

synopsis: your science partner just couldn’t get you out of his head, so he finally decides to do something about it

word count: 552 words

song suggestions: weak for your love-thee sacred souls

eunseok couldnt believe it.

how could you, of all people turn him into a stuttering mess? he hasnt had a crush since 7th grade, and Emily Pritchett sure had a lot to say about him. he was one of the tallest boys in the school but somehow whenever he was around you he shrunk his figure and his voice. 

you had only been paired up for a science project a few months ago, so how could everything change so fast?

maybe it was how caring you are.

immediately when you sat down next to him you introduced yourself, as if the whole school didnt know who you are. you were on the dance team, and their most flexible dancer, which won you guys multiple awards. you split up the work evenly and got to work. you pulled out your airpods and saw eunseok was just working on his own, a crimson hue already gracing his cheeks. you offer to him your other airpod and from then on every day you would listen to music. together.

after that project, he became infatuated with you. your looks, your kindness, your humor, everything.

so he decided to confess to you, on valentines day. (or  his friends would tell you for him)

he found out through some friends that you absolutely adore baked goods, so he baked you some macarons.

he planned to give you the macarons and a love letter along with it, during your lunch period. he walked over to your table and he tapped your shoulder.

 “can we talk?” 

you smile up at him “sure eunseok!”

you both walk out the cafeteria and eunseok leads you to a hallway. the hallway that happens to house the science class where you two were partnered up. 

“so uh, i baked you some macaroons, but its ok if you dont eat them, i kept having to make new batches. macaroons are really hard to make but i pulled through for you- i mean because-“ 

“actually i’m allergic to macaroons eunseok”

his face drops as he struggles to stuff the tin container filled with macaroons in his bag. “oh god sorry, i didnt know, but they’re crappy anyways, you deserve much better, I MEAN-“ 

suddenly he hears you laugh.

“eunseok i was kidding silly, i love macaroons, what flavour are they?”

“uh its a mix of strawberry velvet- shit i mean red velvet and strawberry’s” he hands you the tin with the love note in it. “i hope you enjoy them, i had my little brother taste them and he kept fake gagging, why am i telling you this.”

you take the tin and shuffle your feet. “anything else you wanna tell me?”

“actually yes” 

he takes a deep breath

“i’ve liked you for a long time now. you’re always so sweet to everyone and your humor is top tier, and you’re really pretty, and your voice is so soothing wait thats kinda weird. what i’m trying to say is i like you. a lot and i know its asking a lot for you to like me back but-“

he’s cut off by the tender kiss you leave him on his cheek. you wrap your arms around his neck.

“i’ve liked you for a long time silly, so, so much”

“i’m glad, i really like you too.”

authors note: literally i was cooking and then towards the end my brain gave out lmao, but hope you like it anon !!

[chaosduckies]

Friends in Small Places (Chapter 2)

Whattt two chapters in the span of two days? Wow even I’m surprised. But thank you for all the support on the first chapter! I hope you enjoy this one too!

Word Count: 4.2k

CW: Major Anxiety, slight dehumanization

2-Liam 

The rest of the day was spent just getting used to everything. There was no way for me get onto anything without climbing, which by the way, I had had zero upper body strength.  They didn’t really think through with this, did they? But otherwise, it wasn’t so bad. Cas pretty much left me alone, though I’m sure he wanted to talk. I would have liked to, but I was afraid I’d do something stupid. My sleeping situation wasn’t really the best either, considering I was too afraid to be held, let alone carried, so I was left with just sleeping on the floor. I wasn’t too picky about it, but I guess Cas felt bad and brought over blanket and just folded it a couple of times to act as a mattress and a blanket at the same time. 

I woke up a little earlier than I usually do to get ready to go to classes. I don’t really understand how they expect me to keep up with everything all at once, but hey, college. They don’t care about your personal problems. I hurried to grab my bag, then realized that I couldn’t exactly get out without turning the doorknob, which was currently fifty feet above me. I didn’t really want to wake up Cas, but I also didn’t want to be late for class. Which one was a better option? Waking up Cas. How was I going to do it? I had no idea. There was no harm in at least trying though, right? 

His room was pretty small, only fitting a twin-sized bed with a small desk that had what looked like a couple of notebooks. Cas was sleeping his bed, the blanket almost covering up his entire face. I sucked in a deep breath, forcing words to come out of my mouth. 

“Cas?” He didn’t hear. 

I moved a little closer from my spot on the ground, not minding the dark abyss that was under his bed. Totally not creeped out. 

“Cas!” He moved around now, but didn’t wake up. I was starting to get worried before a loud alarm rang high above me, but still hurting my ears. I covered them up, pressing my back against what I was hoping was his nightstand. So loud… My head was slightly throbbing, but finally the alarm was turned off. I looked up, seeing Cas yawning then struggle to sit up. He groaned, his eyes drowsily staring down at the floor, then trailed off to me. Maybe I should have just waited. Why does he have an alarm set anyways? Did he have somewhere to be? 

“Sorry! I’m so sorry.” He apologized, sitting on the floor so he was’t looming over me as much. Why was he worrying about me? My entire job was to be worried about him. Literally. Still, it made me feel a bit better to think that he’s self-aware of everything he does. 

“You’re fine! It was just a little loud.” I laughed nervously, still messing with my ears to make sure I could still hear properly. Cas’s hand moved closer to me, retracting almost immediately. My heart was beating fast, but I never flinched. Mostly because I think I was just frozen in fear for that split second, but still. Does that count as something? 

“Did-Did you need something?” He asked, fidgeting with his hands as if he was distracting himself from something. Was I also getting the subtle hint that something else was wrong? What could it be? Did I somehow hurt his feelings? I hope I didn’t… I would feel bad, plus I’d have to figure out some way to calm him down when I’d probably be less than an inch tall to him. I hope that never happens, but I’m sure it’s inevitable. 

“Just if y-you could open the front door. I-I have classes to go to. P-Please?” My voice came out a little shaky, and I could only assume that Cas didn’t ignore it. Instead, he tried his best to give a smile while nodding his head, “Do you mind waiting a minute? I’ve gotta get dressed.” He moved out of the way for me to walk over to the door. As soon as I took a few steps out, he lightly closed his door behind me. What does he have to get dressed for? Why so early in the morning too? 

It only took him around five minutes to get dressed and all ready, wearing a similar long sleeve shirt as yesterday and a pair of slightly baggy sweatpants. Seriously, where was he going? I guess he has his own reasons. It’s probably best if I don’t ask until later, when we actually get to know each other better. Plus, it’s mostly likely going to be something with the SSU anyways. He does have a red band after all. It’s not really my place to ask. 

“Do you um, know how long you’ll be gone?” Cas asked sadly. Like he didn’t want me to leave in the first place. Would he feel lonely? It would make sense. Could I just stay here? I wouldn’t think so in all honesty. I would hate for something bad to happen while I was gone. What if something actually does? Would I be held responsible? Of course I would. It’s stupid to even think that I wouldn’t. What if I just gave Cas my number? If there really was a problem then the school would be forced to let me go handle it. But hopefully it’ll never come to that. 

“Just until around two. I-I can give you my number if anything happens. Would that help?” I explained, doing my best to hide how shaky my voice was. My head was getting a little dizzy from staring up at him the entire time. Couldn’t he be a human height? Or was it just hard for him? Most likely the latter. I feel like if he’s so scared of hurting someone at the size he’s at right now, then he’d definitely want to be human sized. Maybe I could help him work on that? Would that make him feel better about himself?

Cas stared at me a little shocked, just about to reach for the door handle. He gave an unsure look before sitting down a little closer to me and pulling out his phone with a shaky hand. Was he scared? Of what? My heart fell, not seeing how someone who held so much power could feel scared. 

He turned his phone to face me, the screen dimmed and the keypad already out. I thought he was going to just say his out loud, but I guess this works too. I typed my number in, having to reach far above my head to reach the top numbers, but otherwise I managed it. 

I nodded while stepping back, seeing the shock on his face reappear as he clicked a button. His eyes darted between me and his phone. Thinking about what to text? I guess he didn’t want to say something stupid? My phone went off soon enough. I dug it out of my pocket in my bag and looked, smiling. 

Unknown: Thank you 

“Anytime.” Cas gave the best smile he could muster, slowly standing up and opening the front door. The sun was barely rising, and there a few people leaving for what I was guessing work. I just hoped I wouldn’t have to walk by next to them. It hasn’t even been a full day with Cas and I’m already wary about being next to him when he’s walking around the place. Though, I do catch him almost constantly checking the ground for anything. Or anyone. It was oddly… relieving. 

I stepped outside, taking a few steps outside and waiting for the door to close behind me, but instead, Cas walked outside too stepping slightly over me to lock the door behind him. I’m surprised I didn’t run off that very second. My heart started racing fast and my body trembled a little. Even after all of that I didn’t move. But he just stepped over me like a bug. Nonono. He doesn’t think that, does he? I’d sincerely doubt it. He probably just didn’t realize. All the more reason to watch where I am and where he is at all times. 

We both went in opposite directions, Cas mouthed a goodbye before walking off. I guess everything will be alright. What could go wrong? Just that something happens to Cas and then he shifts, I get in trouble for it, spend the rest of my life in jail for abandoning my “job” that I’m not even being paid for, and then eventually face the damage and destruction that could have been avoided if I had just stayed with him. Don’t think about it… 

Yeah, yeah, it’ll be fine. Just go through the day like any other, come back, and everything will be fine. Yup. It’ll play out just like that. I won’t even have to see Cas calling me. Everything will go just as I played it out in my head. I go to my classes, hang out with my friends for a while, then head back and Cas is a-okay. This is exactly how it’s going to go. Because I don’t think I can handle what would happen if it didn’t. 

——————

Halfway through day I sat through a lecture for my anatomy class. Apparently human jaws are just a strong as a sharks, but our minds just don’t let us use all of the strength. Cool, right? But that was currently not on my mind as I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket. The person sitting beside me glared. I smiled nervously as I looked for Chelsey in my seat, who was sitting on the other side of the classroom. I stood up, hoping no one would mind and walked up to her. We were both friends, even if we barely talk. Only at small gatherings or when she helps me with studying everyone once in a while. 

“Hey Liam!” She piped up, her usual cheery self. I held up my phone, a worried look on my face, “I-I, um, I need to go…” She would understand, right? She was also assigned to a shifter after all. She looked at me confused, then made a shocked face, her lips forming an “o” while nodding her head. 

“I’ll cover for you. It’s not like they can get mad at you anyways.” She whispered. I whispered a thank you before rushing to grab my bag and walk out of the room. At the time, the professor wasn’t even in there, so I hope Chelsey would help me out. But I trust her. 

I dialed Cas back, hearing it ring for several seconds before he picked up. I wasn’t actually expecting something to happen! My only problem was how I was going to get there. It’s a thirty minute drive just to get to the other side of the city! I’m a college student without my own car, which isn’t really the best outcome right now. 

“Hey! Um, are-are you alright?” I stuttered, almost running to catch a taxi- or really anything that could get me there in time. No bus came here around this time. 

“N-Not real-“ I heard a loud thump! “Ouch- on second thought you don’t have to come here.” He nervously laughed, groaning immediately after. What was that sound? Did he hit something? I bit the bottom of my lip, slightly terrified of what I’ll see when I get there. If I ever will anyways. 

“Just take deep breaths, okay? I-I’ll be there as fast as I can.” I rushed down the street to an empty taxi, opening the back door and saying the address to the driver who was actually extremely nice. 

“I-I’m sorry to ask this, but how long until we get there?” I sadly asked, feeling bad that I might be placing pressure on him. Instead, he just laughed, “I know a shortcut, around a fifteen minute drive from here.” 

“Thank you so much.” I sighed, handing him a twenty dollar bill. I only really had to pay around ten dollars, but the extra ten won’t hurt. The older man gasped before he heard a loud noise come from my phone. I jumped, extremely worried now, “Cas, you good?” 

He didn’t answer for a while, and when he did, his voice came out pained. Kind of like how you sound when you’re losing your voice, “Yeah, yeah. I just hit the ceiling-“ Hit the ceiling? Is he being serious? There’s no way. How could I even-  So how small would I be to him? Would he even see me? They should’ve switched Ryan and I. At least he’s a shifter too so maybe it would’ve been easier for him. Instead they get an insignificant, little human who can’t even do a single thing right. 

“Okay, um, c-can you wait fifteen minutes?” 

“Yeah, I think so.” He groaned, moving around to what was hopefully a more comfortable position for him. The driver looked at me confused. 

“…Do you want me to stay on call?” I asked quietly, extremely scared of what I’ll see in about ten minutes. 

“Yes! I-I mean, yes please.” He immediately replied. I was a little shocked, but at least maybe I could delay the inevitable. For about ten minutes. Not really that long but it’s fine. Hahaha- yup. I’m totally not going to be around a literal titan and have to try to calm them down. What even made him lose control? He seemed okay before. Maybe it was when he went out? 

“Hey, if it’s alright to ask, what happened?” I kept my voice calm and collected even though everything in my body wanted to jump out of this car right now and make a run for it. 

“Just some new pills that the company gave me this morning. They’re supposed to help me stay at a human size, but they’re still working out a few things. Ow-“ He sucked in a sharp breath on the other end. The company gives him pills? They didn’t bother to mention that to me? I think the more shocking news was that he needed pills to help him stay at a human size. So he just can’t regularly? Or maybe that’s just for shifters with a red band? That’s probably it. I didn’t know much about it though if I’m being honest. Most things about shifters are disclosed to only the SSU. 

“It hurts you?” My voice came out shocked as the driver took a right turn, entering the neighborhood and riding down the street. 

“Well, i-it’s not supposed to. It’s a new medicine they’re trying out.” He laughed nervously. Please don’t let me pass out. The house came into view. Nothing looked out of the ordinary thankfully. He can tell me all about whatever medicine they gave him after I deal with what’s happening inside. 

The driver stopped slowly at the house, looking back it then to me, “Are you sure this is the right house?” My body started shaking just thinking about walking in. What would happen? What if he doesn’t see me and moves in a wrong way? What would I even do if he couldn’t hear me? How do people do this for a living? 

“Oh y-yeah. Thank you so much!” I slammed the twenty I was still hanging on to on the passenger seat and rushed out of the car, grabbing my bag in the process. The taxi had left, and I started slowing down when I reached the door. Cas would have to open it. Because of course they don’t have anything human-sized. They just want to make my “job” harder. 

“Hey Cas, do you… you mind opening the door?” My voice quivered. As much as I tried to hide it, of course I can’t for forever. What kind of psychology student am I if I can’t even deal with my own thoughts and emotions? Why did I think I could handle someone else’s? Don’t think like that, you’ll be fine. I had to tell myself as the door opened. I didn’t look up, scared that if I did I’d just run off before I could even take a single step inside. 

I hung up the phone when I walked inside, trying to hide the fact that I could literally hear every single time Cas had moved, which wasn’t something that was happening before. A few deep breaths, and I forced myself to look up. It took everything in my will to not run. It’s like a fight or flight instinct. When a person see’s something big, or something that looks powerful, our instincts kick in. In my case, I had a third option. Stand absolutely still and quiet. 

Cas didn’t say anything either, squinting down at me with a sorry expression. Oh this is just going to be so… fun. 

———Cas———

There were no words to describe how terrified I was right now. Why did I call Liam in the first place? It was a stupid idea, but I didn’t want him to get mad at me for not telling him. I thought today would have been fine. I’ve been taking my anti-depressants and I’ve been trying to at least look happy just so Liam would think I wasn’t that bad, but apparently not. I know he’s scared too, but I didn’t entirely understand why he stays. The old therapist I had was mean and didn’t let me go anywhere without her. She would boss me around, and eventually she left because of some complaints. So why did I get the feeling that Liam was different? Because he was only a year older than me? Because, so far, he’s given me freedom to do what I wanted? 

Seeing him so tiny made everything in my body go on caution. I didn’t move at all as he stared up in horror. I tried my best to stay in a confined space, my head just barely inches from hitting the ceiling again. I kept my legs close to my chest, my arms around them. I try not to break anything while I’m this size, but somehow something always does. I never know what to do when I lose control of my emotions. It’s why I take so much medicine to make sure I don’t in the first place, but the company makes me and a lot of other people try out new pills they make once every other week. Sometimes it makes me stay at a human size for just a couple minutes, or sometimes it just makes me grow, like it did now. Or nothing happens besides making me feel sick for a day or two. They were trying to figure out a way to keep the shifters like me at a regular human size for longer than we can physically handle it. 

This time though, it hurt. It felt like something was ripping apart my abdomen from the inside. My heard hurt, a lot, and my muscles were killing me. It’s not like I could move though. I didn’t want to mess up the place, plus, Liam was here and I’d rather not hurt him. I really, really don’t want to hurt anyone. I can’t put the weight on my conscience. Then everyone would have a whole ew problem to deal with- and then I’d be blamed for everything. 

I winced when my head banged up against the ceiling again. Just calm down. Don’t make Liam do something he doesn’t want to-My eyes darted to where the tiny figure on the floor was, now shakily moving towards my hand. I let out a quiet yelp, moving my hand away and trying me best to keep my back pressed up against the wall behind me without breaking it. 

“Nonono, I’m fine I promise.” I laughed while putting on the best fake smile I could muster while wrapping an arm around the side of my abdomen, where it was throbbing the most. What did they even put in it this time? Why was he forcing himself to try and help me? I would be okay, right? I didn’t need to make him do anything. I could do this myself. I’m not even spiraling into my thoughts right now. Imagine what Liam must be thinking right now. “If he’s not even losing control of his emotions what would happen if he does?” I shuddered at the thought. It does get pretty bad though. I wonder if the others are going through with the same thing. 

I could tell that Liam was trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t hear him. I didn’t really want to make him yell, but I also didn’t want to scare him half to death. 

“S-sorry, I can’t hear you… Is it okay if I move?” I asked, feeling a bit saddened. I wish I wasn’t even a shifter. I wouldn’t even be in this mess if I would’ve just stayed normal. Just like everyone else. I wouldn’t need to have someone watching over me constantly, I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting anyone smaller than me, maybe I could see my parents more than just once a month. My heart skipped a beat, and I knew that I couldn’t wait for some sort of confirmation if I could move. I hurried to lay down, flipping my stomach, trying to keep my limbs close my body. I groaned, knowing that I just made everything so much worse. 

I buried my head under my arms, facing the floor. I bit down on my jaw for a while while the abdominal pain started up again, then went away after a while. Okay, maybe the medicine isn’t the only thing making me shift sizes right now. Just calm down… take small breaths. 

“C-Cas, can you hear me now?” A worried and panicked voice filled my head. I peaked out, seeing Liam a small distance away from my face. But still too close for comfort. Please move away, I don’t want to hurt anyone. I thought to myself, thinking that if I talked it would only do more harm than good. 

“L-Look, u-um…” I could tell he was in a panic, and I wish that he wasn’t in the first place, “I-I don’t k-know. U-um, how about just a few deep breaths, ‘kay?” He took a few of his own, gripping a chunk of his shirt against his chest. I did as he told me too, finding that it was working just a little bit as I felt myself shrinking down a couple feet. 

“Is the medicine making you… grow?” He asked, confused, but also still under a small panic attack. My only answer was a slight nod, my heartbeat calming down, but the pain in my muscles and head never going away. Yup, tomorrow will just be a resting day at this point. I should probably clean up whatever mess I’ve made though. 

“Okay, think you can calm down enough to go back to the smallest size you can?” He breathed, his body trembling. He was still a student right? That would make sense. The therapist I used to have knew almost exactly what she had to do. Or at least what she thought, she needed to do. I only calmed down because she was practically threatening me at that point. Liam, on the other hand, apparently didn’t know what to do. Or maybe he did but he scared to do it. All I knew was that I’d have to listen to him to make his job easier. 

I nodded again, picking my body up as much as I could and trying to think about anything good. You’ll get to see your parents next week. Your old therapist is gone. And soon enough I was at my minimum at the moment. Liam was still extremely small, like a centimeter tall, which didn’t at all put me at ease, but I have no idea how long I’d be stuck at this size. Hours maybe? I laid back down on my stomach, groaning and facing the hard floor. 

“I’m so sorry.” I whispered. 

“It’s fine! It’s not your fault, I promise.” Liam explained, sitting down near my face again just so I could hear him. I would have preferred for him to be as far away as possible from me, but I can’t say anything. He is technically my boss after all. But it makes me kind of glad to think that he came over here just to help me out. I think I would have been fine either way, but it would’ve gone a lot slower.

“Are you okay though? You look pale.” He asked me. 

“Mhm. The pills this time just hurt a whole lot.” My head was throbbing. Why couldn’t I just be normal? I wouldn’t have to take those stupid testing pills in the first place. I felt my eyes closing. 

“Alright, how about you get some rest? Maybe you’ll feel better after?” He offered, I nodded my head while yawning and doing what he said. Yup. Hopefully I would. I just hope I don’t do something stupid while sleeping.  ——————

This is my first time writing some about sizeshifters so I think I’m doing an okay job at it?

And we finally get some g/t. Sort of I guess. I planned for this chapter to be longer, but then I didn’t want the one after to be too short. Aghhh idk

But thank you for reading! I hope you all have a great day/night :D

Taglist: @da3dm

[that-blue-vault-dweller]

Alright, this might be a bit of a lengthy one, but: When Nora leaves Vault 111 to find Shaun, Nate isn't in the cryo pod across from her. Later, she finds a 90+ year old version of him, somehow still alive, having given up searching for their kid (more out of old age then losing hope). How do the companions (and Nora) react to that?

I don't think I've ever had a request that asked to include how Nora would react to something, but honestly I am so super excited that I finally got one 💖💖💖 I've always wondered what it would be like to write Nora's POV on some of these reacts, so I guess I'll tear out and go 🥰 I'll probably stick with the version of Nora that I usually play as, so hopefully everyone enjoys!

Nora - Is absolutely shocked to find her husband alive and well. While she knew that he had somehow managed to get out and live, she had not expected to find him after all these years. She had not known what had happened to him, and she had been afraid to even consider the possibility that he was alive. She is overjoyed to find her Nate, and (presuming this is after getting into the Institute) she assures him that she has found their son. Despite being quite a different man than the one she fell in love with, him having gone through some grave hardship when he was wandering the wastelands and trying to find Shaun, he is still very happy to hear the news.

Cait - Is honestly angry that he gave up looking for Shaun because Nora has spent only a comparatively short fraction of her life looking and turning over every rock to find Shaun and succeeded. She ends up chalking it up to the fact that Nora must be immensely more intelligent than him if only to keep from completely boiling over while Nora is talking with him. She truthfully thinks that he was not as dedicated to finding the kid as Nora was and that she deserves better.

Curie - Is very pleased that Madame has found her husband and the remainder of her family and does not blame Nate for stopping his search to find Shaun. However, most primarily, she is interested in potentially running some tests to see how radiation and the elements have affected Nate since he started out as clean as Nora did in the vault. She wants to know how it affects him and how she could possibly formulate some manner of solution to keep it from affecting Nora quite so profoundly over time.

Piper - Is as shocked as Nora, but she is happy for her Blue. She kind of wonders how he did not find some clue about their son's whereabouts during his search, but she figures that Nora is just one special, one-of-a-kind sort of person when it comes to literally everything. Nora has unrivaled talent, and she is the most amazing person that Piper's known, so it's no surprise that she managed to find Shaun when Nate could not.

MacCready - Is very happy for the two, and truthfully relates to Nate a lot. He knows what it's like to be the father of a son, and he cannot imagine what it would be like to lose Duncan and have to go searching all over the Commonwealth just to come up with nothing. He understands why Nate stopped the search and does not blame him.

Deacon - Is not terribly surprised. After all, nothing much surprises him anymore. He's heard and seen so many things as a result of his spying on everyone in the Commonwealth. Plus, he had actually heard about someone that sort of sounded like Nate, and he had been the one to tell Nora about it, leading them to look for him and eventually find him. He's just glad that Nora has her family back in some way or another. Even if her husband and her son are both old codgers and she looks like their granddaughter and daughter respectively.

Codsworth - Is positively overjoyed to find sir! He is alive and that means that their family can be reunited! They just have to convince young Shaun-- erm... Shaun-- to come out of that dreadful underground hole and join them on the surface. He does not focus on anything else but the possibility of bringing the family home safe in Sanctuary and living out the remainder of their days there.

Hancock - Is pleased for Nora, but is honestly very much the opposite of pleased at the fact that Nate had given up the search for Shaun. Hancock is a man that will never stop even if it kills him, and to think of Sunshine being hooked up with some quitter after seeing how much of a fighter that she is, he cannot help but find himself slightly disappointed. He tries to push that feeling aside, though, knowing that Nate means quite a bit to Nora.

Danse - Is somewhat unhappy with the fact that Nate had given up searching for Shaun. Danse is a firm believer in not quitting, but on the other hand, he also can see why one would stop when the search was fruitless. It is a waste of resources. However, when one is a single person in the wasteland looking for one's son, he does not exactly understand why someone would stop. Danse himself did not stop looking when he lost someone he cared about to the harshness of the world around them.

Preston - Is extremely surprised to find that Nora's husband is still alive, and he is not upset with the fact that Nate gave up the search. He's only an old man now, and Preston would have been more upset if he would have given up out of a lack of hope for Shaun. As it is, he just hopes that the man will keep living for a while longer so he can maybe somehow see his son before he passes.

Valentine - Is mostly just sad for Nora in some ways despite his surprise at Nate still being alive. He remembered meeting him many years ago, but after their brief search turned up with absolutely nothing and no leads, Nate had just disappeared, presumably to further the search. He just hates for Nora to have to see the man that she is in love with in this terrible state. Especially since her son does not look much better. He cannot help but think of how terribly painful it must be for her to see in such clarity that she is going to almost certainly outlive her family.

X6-88 - Is mildly surprised since he believed that Nora was the only surviving relative of Father. Father had assumed that his dad had passed away due to the hardships of the wasteland. X6-88 is not overly impressed with Father's dad, especially since he apparently lacks the tenacity that Nora possesses. Ultimately, he does not say much but remains polite, deciding to report to Father about this later.

Dogmeat - Does not know him, but he understands that his human seems extremely fond of him. He can smell the love and the emotions pouring off of her. Therefore, Dogmeat decides that Nate must be another one of those people that he needs to protect because they mean something to his human. And protect, he shall. Plus, the man gives really good ear scratches, so he has definitely earned points with Dogmeat.

Strong - Does not care in the least about this entire thing. If Nate doesn't have or lead them to the milk of human kindness, he truthfully has no interest. He just wishes that his tiny human would hurry up and leave so they can keep searching. Plus, he's hungry. Maybe he could just eat Nate...

[orionsangel86]

Aa someone who pretty much threw away all their hope as soon as SPN cons started up again after the finale, it is a really crazy position to be in now to have to once again adjust my views and reconsider everything thats been said over the last 2.5 years.

I quit spn fandom and stopped paying attention to cast interviews because frankly:

Jared literally does nothing but spew the absolute worst most rancid takes I have ever heard to the point that I genuinely believe the man is completely deranged and has no idea about the show he filmed for 15 years

Misha has basically given up hope and stopped caring. He started off fighting to ensure people took the confession seriously, and seemed genuinely proud and passionate about ensuring people understood the love confession was legit and Cas knew exactly what he was saying, but over the years it seemed like he was broken down behind the scenes and forced to toe a company line of ambiguity for some unknown suspicious reason. Now he's back to resorting to jokes most of the time.

Jackles though, Jackles has until this point always been a fucking head fuck of a mystery. The "sexy silence" post finale. The sole interactions being with Misha and about the confession. The way he gushed about the confession shortly after it aired before the finale. Then the production company, The Winchesters, the J2 messy public fallout and cringy PR fake reassurance of love for his "brother". The fact that in every con up until this point he has kept any answers about the confession abiguous and deliberately vague - always playing both sides, always trying to keep ALL fans happy whatever they believe about the show. The attempt to explain it as Cas not feeling love the way humans do at one point (much to fandoms horror).

I admit I have joked many times about the "jackles long con" (the conspiracy theory that ever since he found out how spn has ended he has personally been on a war path to fix things and give us a satisfactory ending for Dean and Cas) but I was always in 2 minds about whether it was legit a thing. I believed he wanted to fix Dean's ending somehow yes, but I always figured Cas's story was an afterthought the same way Sam's was. I had no delusions that Jackles would legit want to give closure to the confession and give us reciprocated Destiel - whatever that may look like. It just didn't seem like a thing Jackles would want to do. Save Dean? Yes definitely. But actually make it canon that Dean is bisexual and madly in love with his angelic best friend? Even on his most Destiel friendly days I have never been able to truly believe that.

But this latest response from him at jibcon is veerrrry interesting. To plainly state that he hopes the confession is addressed. That he wants to see that. Its the first time he's ever mentioned it in non vague terms.

Look I have no hope of a fanfiction style sappy romantic destiel reunion scene in the Winchesters or whatever. But for Jensen to genuinely give a clear and thoughtful response about what he thinks that would look like, that he thinks Dean would want to talk about that, and address it, that is certainly progress beyond anything we've had from him before.

One of my friends in our group chat raised the thought of Jackles addressing the confession only to have Dean tell Cas he's sorry, but he doesn't feel the same way. THAT is a terrifying thought, but I gotta ask, would Jackles really do such a thing? He knows exactly how much Destiel means to the fans. He knows how important it is, hell, he was online watching the Nov 5th fallout along with everyone else. If it wasnt important, it wouldn't have trended above the US election. He would alienate the majority of his fanbase. Remember, he has already technically picked a side - something I thought he would never do. The Jared stans and bronlies and Destiel haters all loathe him now. They curse his name as much as Misha's ever since he dared to exclude Sam/Jared from The Winchesters. Jensen isn't an idiot, he knows who his main fanbase is, and that is proved even more obvious by The Winchesters itself, which according to my friends who watch it, is very pro Destiel. My friend described it as what SPN could have been were it not for Jared and Bob Singer - a kinder, friendlier, queerer, and more equal, show. I haven't watched it so I can't comment, but I see so many people say that this among other recent behaviours proves that Jackles is on our side.

I am of course still a bit hesitant to give him so much credit. I'm not gonna stamp him with a big HELLER FRIEND stamp like the one we stamped on Misha years ago. But I am feeling more positive towards him than I have in ages.

Ever since the confession, the official stance on Destiel seems to be to keep it as vague and ambiguous as possible. To never confirm or deny anything especially when it comes to Dean. This has been frustrating, but has kept the door open at least.

By Jackles stating today that he wants the confession addressed and even hinting that it may be in the cards sooner rather than later, tells me that a decision has possibly been made.

The ambiguity has got to go. Dean either reciprocates or he doesn't. Those are the only options available.

If, as it has so often been teased and alluded to, Cas is going to make an appearance in The Winchesters, Jackles would surely need to get Misha on board with his plans. Misha who has been firmly on the side of Destiel since day 1. Would Misha really agree to step back into Cas's shoes only to have his heart broken by a rejection from the man he loves? I don't think he would.

So surely, the only way for the confession to be addressed is to go with the other option. Full reciprocation.

Who else is there to even object anymore? Jared? Fuck that guy? Bob Singer? That old asshole has no power anymore. The CW? Maybe. I dunno what Jackles situation is with the execs and how much power he has over the Winchesters stories. But perhaps he's been able to convince them? Given the state of queer media in 2022 and how rapidly the world has moved on from tolerating CW style queerbait.

Shows like OFMD, Good Omens, The Sandman, IWTV, WWDITS, etc etc... they have proven that queer is popular. It brings in cash. The CW has always been sitting on a goldmine with Destiel, which has never really stopped being popular, even now. They were fools to not go all the way the first time around, and after the queer media boom of 2022 they look like even bigger fools. I still have my own beliefs about the circumstances that prevented a proper destiel ending (mostly to do with the business of the one star the CW were holding onto at that time and his stupid cop propoganda show) but considering all that has happened since then, were the CW given another chance to explore Destiel now, I think they'd be absolute fools not to take it.

Anyway, the point of all my rambling is this: I think I'm back on board. Laying it all out logically, if Jackles is gonna address this, he's gonna do it in the way that will be the most popular, and generate the most publicity, engagement, and ultimately, cash.

In other words: we may see yet ANOTHER "Destiel is canon" day before the decade is over.

[imminent-danger-came]

Who do you think will try and help MK grapple with the issue of being the harbinger of chaos? (Obviously all his friends, but who would play the biggest role?)

Considering that some of the next season will presumably take place in the underworld, and that he‘s the only one who actually KNOWS about it; Macaque is actually a decently strong contender imo.

Which would be really fun- they‘re one of my favorite duos (MK is a bitch exclusively to Macaque and I love him for it) but I‘m holding out hope for some Sandy/Pigsy!

Since the curse of the scroll called them monstrosities, and they both seem to have lived with that kind of discrimination they would also have experience with figuring out your own identity despite it.

So them unknowingly helping MK when their past is revealed sounds fun!

And the MK‘s mental health takes a turn for the worse again in the special obviously. We can‘t have him become to stable after all!

Also, (sorry if you already talked about this before) What connection do you think the curse has to MK? If I‘m not misremembering anything he is the only one where it said 'we' (unless MK was in denial about something). Everybody else was 'you', but MK also accidentally said "we help people!". Even in the curses final scene it says "then prove us wrong." Us being the curse and MK, since he did end up believing what it said.

Do you think there is actually some credence to the curse calling MK the harbinger of chaos? Or is it just saying what MK is feeling since he caused so much damage on accident? Is MK being that harbinger actually destiny, or more something along the lines of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Answering this ask with another, because both kinda go into the same thing with the curse/memory:

-

So, in my dreams, Sandy is the one to help MK cope with his Monkey Demon identity for reasons I go into in this post (of course I want Mei to be the one to talk MK down initially, but as far as post-breakdown goes Sandy is my top contender—which those two work together to comfort MK a lot anyways, like in 2x06 and 3x04). But, if we had a Pigsy/Sandy tag-team duo while also going into their pasts, that would be awesome! Literally couldn't ask for anything more.

Macaque could also be interesting, being the one who was there for MK in 4x09 and 4x10, but he's also already given his advice: MK doesn't only have two choices, and nobody can decide who he is for him. But, well, the curse (who I think is undeniably part of MK) was the one who gave MK the title of "harbinger of chaos"—it wasn't anyone else. MK essentially gave himself that title. This would be a super interesting way for MK's arc to go, if it's headed this sort of direction, where MK can certainly decide who he wants to be, but what if he doesn't believe in that person, you know?

((Of course Macaque can offer up more advice, I'm just not sure Macaque advice is what MK needs right now.))

Next on the agenda: whatever the fuck MK is.

So I have this collection of screenshots where I highlight MK's weird connection with the underworld throughout the seasons, and I specifically want to call attention to the scroll emanating from MK not once, but both times he enters the scroll:

Bonus Shot of MK as part of his reflection motif, where his face lines up with the skull on screen:

MK: "Again!? Remind me how this 'game' is supposed to convince me I'm not destined to turn into an evil monkey demon thing again? Cause every option I pick takes me to this, same, screen!"

(4x10 The Jade Emperor) (Every option MK picks leading him to the same end? I'll take foreshadowing for 500!)

Which, the skull in the TV is very similar to LBD's skull in the Demon Revealing Mirror from 2x02:

All this to say: the Curse/the scroll and MK are connected somehow, meaning I'd take a gander that MK is also connect to memory in some form.

MK: "You're not my friend—you're NOT me!" Curse MK: "Sure I am! I'm your best friend, well, closest at least! I know more about you than you'll even admit—to yourself, or to others."

(4x07 Pitiful Creatures)

-

I think you could make the argument (which I'll probably write a full-fledged theory post on at some point), that Lady Bone Demon's original power source for her mech was MK, then switching to the Samadhi Fire later when that comes into play. LBD in ROTSQ, s2, and s3 threatens to erase the memory of Wukong/the world/Macaque, which is something that is notably absent in the s3 special. MK (plus maybe Wukong) being the original power source would help to explain why LBD wanted MK (+ Wukong) all throughout s3, and why she didn't immediately go ahead with her plans. She only says "Now, I will undo the memories of this world!" when she's confident that she has both the staff and MK. If MK were a being related to memory, using him as a power source could be a real possibility for how LBD originally planned to erase the memories of the world—then moving to the Samadhi Fire to create a "clean slate" when that became an option.

Now, although it's based entirely in conjecture, I do think MK potentially has the power to "rip the memory of people from this world". We know so little about what MK actually is that a lot could be possible!

ANYWAYS.

When it comes to "is MK destined to become a harbinger of chaos or was it just the curse echoing his own doubts", I think it's both! After all, there's "a reason [he] was at the center of all these stories, a reason [he] can harness the power of the Monkey King himself!". We don't know that reason yet, but I'm inclined to believe that it's because MK is connected to the underworld/the scroll/memory in some way, like I've mentioned. However, I also think MK's own flaws and self-doubt will contribute to his walk down destiny lane, and MK will put on his own chains so to speak.

One of the major contributing factors of MK's arc has been his own lack of belief in himself (in contrast with his total belief in his friends), so that HAS to be resolved eventually. When it comes down to it, that's at the core of his character—it's why he can feel he's both too weak and too strong across seasons and still feel distinctly like MK. So, that same lack of belief is probably going to be what drives his decent into the role of "harbinger of chaos"—that and a number of other things I'm sure. His friends, Monkey King, his identity, his responsibility, destiny—it's all gonna culminate somewhere.

Plus these eyes haven't turned up yet,

(they also show up in MK's 4x03 vision), and we don't really have any concrete explanation for what the curse was/is, or why MK specifically was the one who could destroy it ("It wasn't in my power—it was in yours."; but maybe Monkey King could have finished it off after it had been weakened?).

There's a lot of arc left and a lot of things we don't know!

[jormofyore]

A Review of the Playtest Animist

So, I’ve been toying with the Animist a fair bit recently, and last week got to play it in Foundry for the first time. While I am going to need more time to figure this class out, such as optimal lines of play, proper action economy, and understanding the stance dancing (literally), I am really looking forward to seeing it fully released. What I want to avoid is doing a “this sucks” and “this is super duper powerful” post, and instead say something more along the lines of what I like and don’t like. After all, most of what’s good and what isn’t is often rather subjective and dependant on the campaign and makeup of the party. I also intend to give it a proper review once it officially is released. So here are my top 3 Likes and Dislikes. Also, a curious thing: in the Foundry Playtest, there is a Vessel Spell called Trickster’s Mirrors (which is F-ing bonkers) that doesn’t appear in the “War of Immortals’ playtest. I’m guessing it’s one of the Apparitions that didn’t make it to the playtest, yet still somehow the dude who made the playtest knew about it.

Likes

First, a contentious part of the class: it’s casting. As a combination of both Vancian and spontaneous casting, I love it. If you know anything about me, it’s that I’m unironically a big fan of Vancian casting. I don’t think it has a place everywhere, and that’s part of the fun of the Animist, is that it combines the two with spontaneous options based on your Apparitions. It’s like spontaneous Vancian, making your decisions each day a key part of your approach to the game.

Apparitions (as a whole, not the individual abilities. Talk about that later.) This added level of flexibility to the class that allows you to pretend to fill a variety of roles in the part is fantastic. I especially appreciate Custodian of Groves and Gardens, because it means topping off your party after each combat without needing to rely upon Medicine; it’s a small thing, but it feels nice not having to risk rolling successfully as much.

General flexibility of roles. Need a frontliner for your party? Backliner? Support? Stealth? Damage? You’ve the option to fill it. The key takeaway here is that even when doing so, you aren’t weak at it; you’re actually pretty good and this is something I hope Paizo does more going forward: being flexible should be a bonus, not a flaw that falsely looks like a benefit. You’re still not going to be as good as a Champion if you use Discomforting Whispers, or as a good as a Fighter if you have Embodiment of Battle, but you’re still pretty solid in that role. I really hope this doesn’t get “fixed” in the final version in the form of the pre-remaster Witch.

Dislikes

Apparition Skills being tied to certain Feats. Sure, I guess it’s so you/Paizo can add more Apparitions and builds for Feats, but it’s a little confusing and you need one of those conspiracy charts from Always Sunny to be able to keep track of what is tied to what. It’s strangely constricting.

Speaking of Feats: The Animist desperately needs more, especially ones that aren’t tied to your Apparition Skills. I don’t know what else to say here, but I really hope they reveal more feats, because some levels I’m just left with a blank expression on what to take. Add to that, some of the mid to high level feats are tied to Apparition Skills, and this bothers me a lot, because while it forces you to focus (a good thing), there could be some cool combinations outside of the locked choices. Oh, and Spirit’s Sacrifice is H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S. Not even a reaction, just a free action to get back up from death 4 times a day.

Animistic Practice’s. I love the themes, but Apparition’s Possession is kind of…I know I said I wasn’t going to say this, but here it is: it’s kinda bad and awfully, awfully specific. And that’s in part because Apparition’s Whirl is so good. I hope they just give Apparition’s Whirl as a default feat because it really exemplifies the Shaman. Additionally, it feels a lot like “we gave the good feat to one, so their other Boons aren’t great, and did the reverse to Channeler.” Additionally, the Boon’s seem like they are given to the wrong Practice’s.

My biggest regret with this Playtest is that I did not see it and get the chance to toy with it earlier. I think I might partake in future playtests more, because I love helping balance things out and make them more playable. Sorry, this went to 3 pages in a doc and is longer than my other posts. Please let me know if you like longer dives, or if you prefer smaller bites.

Jorm out.

[lightlycareless]

IM BACK i got so busy right around when the last chapter was posted but im HERE NOW. and ive been reading so much,, all the lore from chapter 36 was SO GOOD im so sad im late to it but ohhhhhmygod. so much going on there and setting up REALLY good parallels between y/n and naoya when it comes to their relationships w their parents. the way both of them had their mother slowly get more and more distant due to circumstances outside of their control/caused by some fucked up third party... ough... this also reveals so much DRAMA like WHO CURSED Y/N'S MOTHER?? im throwing hands. and thats such a fucked up TYPE of curse too the way it fucks with the personality/behavior-- someone REALLY hated her huh

but ohmygodmyGOD chapter 37 has SO MUCH going on. like just starting off with matsuo being. insufferable. man. can a woman not get a drink in this house.

the entirety of this chapter is SO rich with so much emotion... like the way they're finally feeling like a couple is so sweet?? i KNEW naoya had it in him to be nice, even if it does take being on his death-bed for it to happen..

THE WEDDING RING HE CARRIES THE RING ON A NECKLACE W HIM AUAHUGHEHGH,,, i cant even begin to describe how emotional that made me the last section of the chapter where they're just talking to each other for once means SO much after having read the last 36 chapters of animosity and standoffishness like they're FINALLY talking and like. seeing each other? as people? its SUCH a pivotal moment and at the same time so small and domestic its amazing

AND HES GOING TO TRY TO LET HER SEE HER FAMILY AGAIN?? that opens up SO much drama and so many questions like-- is he going to stick to that when he recovers? CAN he stick to that or like he said is he not in a position to negotiate that much? (would he help her sneak out or sneak in a way for her to see them somehow if it came to that?) what kind of interaction would that even BE for her to see them again after so long-- would it lead to them not wanting to let her leave/go back to the zenin estate? theyd for sure know somethings up.. my favorite couple is finally coupling. 12/10. still obsessed w them

Hello!!!

Awww, don't worry about it!! Ngl I was a bit like, I wonder if they liked it, maybe I finally scared them away lol, my perfectionism slowly killing me inside 😭 But really, the most important thing here is that you're ok, and that you liked the chapters!! ❤️❤️❤️

I'm telling you, I didn't mean to make it that way but how Naoya and Y/N ended up being similar to one another is... wow, perfection. And ironic haha Y/N hates Naoya so, so much, that she literally can't see him as anything else but like complete opposites I mean, if you were to tell her "Hey, the two of you have similar backgrounds" she'd be like "ew no wtf!!!"

Which is why she was so baffled to learn that it's true 😭 they share the pain of having loss a mother, and in some ways, being disliked by their own family.

Also, for Minako's curse... I don't intend to explore more about it, so I'll just say it was someone very, very jealous of her and her children. Someone that just wanted to see the family burn, you know? (LOL, it makes it seem like Eiichi had some secret admirer or something. Or maybe her?! Like the yandere type "If I can't have you, no one can!!" Oof, I hope not on either accounts)

Now onto chapter 37 :>

The way Matsuo's behavior did a 180 was... I don't know what I was expecting, for it to not happen?? Let's be real, that man as soon as he got a bit of power decided to abuse it. Probably some resentment towards Y/N and her staff, how happy they are and the good relationship they have with her or whatever. Honestly, I do not care about that man. (I wonder what Naoya's reaction will be once he figures out how he's been treating her... HMMM)

I'm so glad you liked the fluffy parts with Naoya hahahahah even though as you said, it's when he's sick... oh, I just hope it doesn't all go away when he's not sick anymore, you know? GOD this whole thing hurts me so much for Y/N hahahah like she's trying so desperately to hold onto the fact that maybe this is the change she was unwittingly hoping for, that Naoya finally woke up from his stupidity and decided to act like a proper husband.

Because more than leaving the house, I think she, very, very deep inside, wants this whole thing to work. I mean, who wouldn't... she grew up in a loving family where her mom and dad loved each other very, very much. It's only natural that she wants something like that too if it ever happened! And Naoya... oof, he's handsome, rich, and she doesn't have to put herself in danger in order to make a living. At that point it was a win-win... until his personality came out 💀💀💀 Anyways, it's difficult, but I WILL MAKE IT WORK. I PROMISE.

Also, if you liked their interactions on this chapter, I think you're going to like the next one 😏 (Idk if it's worth anything, but I always thought Naoya would be like Kang Dooshik from Pearl Boy when he's not being a raging misogynist)

As for the promise... that is something we'll see next chapter as well. What's going to happen with it and whatnot. I'm like Y/N right now, a bit shocked that it happened, but on edge to see if it's true 😭 after all, it's a pretty heavy promise to make ... but that is something only Naoya can choose.

I just hope all the pieces are falling in place (correctly, I mean HAHAH) for that one chapter!!! I can't wait to write it, I think we're like... 2/3 chapters away from it. I swear, everything that will happen next is leading to that moment.

And I gotta say, thank you for being patient with me 🥺❤️ I swear, everything that is happening leads to that. EVERYTHING!!!! I just hope it pays off!!!! If not, I'll disappear from the internet. The shame of it all.... hahaha.

Anyways, thank you so so much for coming back for another update! And don't worry about reading the chapters later! My story is intended to be entertaining, relaxing (yeah sure, look at all that angst) so read it whenever you can ❤️❤️❤️

Once again, thank you so much for your support 🥺❤️ I hope you continue to like the rest of the story!! Take care, and see you soon!!

[echoghost1]

Ghost of Your Touch - Valentine's Update

Fic Summary:

They were only meant to get along long enough to get through the school day. Just work on a little extra credit project and make nice. Maybe become friends, if not just acquaintances.

So why is it that Danny can't seem to think straight with just the slightest touch? Why does he want to hold on and not let go? Why does he keep finding himself closer and closer?

Ship: Unidentified Flying Ship (Wes x Danny)

You can read chapter 2 on AO3 or down below the cut

The next day at school Danny did everything he could to be as far away from Wes as he possibly could. He even avoided looking at him too.

He didn’t want to risk whatever nonsense was going on in his brain again. And he certainly didn’t want to do it in front of other people.

It seemed to be working okay. That is until it was lunchtime.

Just as he had finally started to relax he heard a familiar voice call his name.

He felt his entire body tense.

He couldn’t freeze up now.

He just needed to act natural. He could do that. 

He hoped.

"Hey," Danny said, and internally winced at how his voice cracked.

"So that project thing for Lancer, I've got practice today but I've got some time before it and Lancer said he'll be here. Figured we could probably finish it before practice?"

"After school today?"

"Yeah? Why? Do you have other plans?"

"Oh no, or I don't think so. Yeah, no, that's fine. I’m not doing anything. Today. Later." Danny hated that he was rambling. Why did he always ramble when he was nervous? 

He had no reason to be nervous. 

It was just Wes.

He wasn’t nervous. 

"Okay. See you then."

"Yup." Danny nodded and hoped it wasn't super obvious how hard he was fighting the urge to just keep talking.

Wes hesitated but finally left to have lunch somewhere else.

"Alright spill," Sam said.

"What?" Danny turned and found both his friends looking very expectant. 

"Yeah man, what happened yesterday?" Tucker asked.

"Nothing!" Danny denied way too quickly. He tried to fix that by adding, "What makes you think anything happened?"

The two shared a knowing look.

"Nothing happened," Danny pleaded, "seriously."

"Oh this is gonna be good," Tucker said with a devious grin as he eagerly waited for Danny to cave and spill.

Danny shifted his gaze to gauge Sam's reaction and realized that he preferred Tucker’s look now.

She locked eyes with him, and with the intensity of her stare, he was scared to keep looking and equally afraid to look away.

She squinted at him as if just staring at him harder would get the answers she was looking for.

Although she might be right about that. 

Where was the convenient ghost attack when you needed it? It'd been a few hours since the Box Ghost last stopped by, he had to be due any minute now.

Please.

Skulker? He hadn’t hunted around here for at least a week. Clearly, he needed to stop by right now.

"You didn't," Sam accused more than asked.

"I literally have no idea what you're accusing me of so I can neither confirm nor deny." How could she figure him out so fast?

"I can't believe this."

Danny wasn't sure how, but he felt his face burning and ice running through his veins.

"Seriously?!"

"You still haven't told me what you're mad at me for," Danny stuttered as he looked around desperate for some kind of distraction.

Literally anything.

He'd even be okay with Dash wanting to wail on him right now.

Anything to keep Sam from…

From what?

There wasn’t anything for her to do was there?

To say?

To reveal…

"It’s not what you think!" Danny blurted out.

"Oh really?" Sam said with a quirked brow and her arms crossed.

"Yeah, it's literally nothing. No things have happened or changed or anything."

Gosh, her smug look was somehow worse than the anger.

"So you don't have a crush?" Asked a familiar voice from behind him.

Danny spun around so fast he phased his legs through the table so he wouldn't have to stop. "Jazz!?!"

"Crush? I thought we were talking about Wes?" Tucker asked as he slowly set his homemade triple meat sandwich down.

"We are," Sam said.

"Isn’t he that kid that fell out of the tree across the street last week trying to get your picture?" Jazz asked as she sat down beside her brother.

"Yes, but it’s fine," Danny said as he turned back around, still using his intangibility because he could.

"Danny, he's practically stalking you."

"He’s just trying to gather evidence to prove that I'm Phantom."

"That’s worse." Tucker said, "You have to know that’s worse."

"It’s fine. No one believes him anyway."

"Still a stalker," Sam repeated. 

"Geez, he's only been out there twice. That's hardly enough times for it to be stalking."

"Twice?" The three of them asked.

Uh oh.

"Danny," Sam said sternly. 

Oh no.

"When did he come back?" Jazz asked.

"Definitely not last night." Danny lied spectacularly badly.

"Are you serious?"

"No?"

This was going so badly. How could this be going so badly?

This is the worst he'd ever lied in his whole life.

As long as Jazz doesn't mention the hand holding he’ll be fine.

As long as they don’t ask what happened when Wes visited last night he’ll be fine.

As long as they don’t ask what he’s been thinking about whenever they touch it’s fine.

As long as he doesn't start thinking about how warm Wes is. How nice it would be to snuggle up next to him.

Or about how Wes probably has muscles from working out because he plays sports. He might be able to pick him up. He could literally sweep him off his feet.

Definitely don’t think about how pretty those green eyes of his are. How they sparkled like little emeralds against his ghostly glow.

The number one thing not to think about is his lips and how he would use them.

“I need to go,” Danny said as best he could but it felt, and sounded, like every syllable of each word was fighting its way out of his throat.

His friends and sister called after him but he just walked away.

He wasn’t sure if he was blushing really badly or if his whole head was on fire. 

Maybe his head was on fire, that would explain why it was so hard to breathe.

It wasn’t until he stumbled into the sink that he realized he had made it into the bathroom. He hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going at all.

Must have found it by muscle memory.

His whole body was shaking and it took way more concentration than it should have to turn on the water and splash some on his face.

He needed to calm down.

This can’t be a crush.

He’s had crushes before, but they were never like this.

Why is he like this?

All they did was hold hands.

This was too fast.

“Are you okay?”

Danny turned toward the voice and everything stopped.

He was here.

[not-poignant]

Hi, Pia! I am thinking of going the same route as you - free chapters on AO3, then Patreon - for my historical m/m romance projects. Could you share a little about your journey, and how did you manage to gain visibility within the originals section of AO3 (I know it's not easy)?

Hi hi!

We've talked a little over at Subscriptions for Authors I think! *waves* :D

Okay firstly, i don't know if any of this is going to be very helpful, because to tl;dr it - I didn't set out to be a professional author when I started this, and I wasn't even trying to be a professional when I started my Patreon (though I did approach it seriously, like I wanted to treat my readers well). I didn't believe I could be one, my impostor syndrome was so epic I literally started an entirely new AO3 account and kept it secret from my main account because I believed all the people being nice to me about my writing were somehow just lying to me because they felt sorry for me.

That's...

That's a whole lot of impostor syndrome insanity. But I've always been pretty honest about having mental illness so....

Re: my journey...

I started out in fanfiction. I started writing Rise of the Guardians fanfiction (a two part serial called From the Darkness We Rise & Into Shadows We Fall) and it went viral (I did not expect this) and I put in several original characters to flesh out the world, because I added a Seelie/Unseelie Court element that wasn't in the original movie or the books.

Two of those original characters had roles as semi-significant ensemble characters. One was a terrible villain who is defeated by the other, who is the Seelie King (also defeated by the main characters of the fic but *coughs* anyway).

I started getting people asking me what was going to happen to those two characters, especially once people found out they had a relationship history together prior to the events in the fanfic. I mostly put those people off - I fully intended to keep just writing fanfiction - until finally I decided to write some fic of those two characters. It was like...revenge hatefucking, lmao. I wrote three chapters of that, and then more, and then finally realised I couldn't give them the tragic ending I'd planned to, and that I'd have to actually figure out how the hell to save them from their own machinated doom.

And that became the first book in my original Fae Tales series - Game Theory.

It was my amazing readers who asked me to make this Tumblr, my amazing readers who asked me to write that original story, and they were the ones who asked me to make a Patreon (and then a Ko-Fi), and so in a way, they were the ones who let me know when I was ready to try making this work in a (slightly) more official capacity. They were the ones who believed in me enough to keep me doing this, and they still are. *waves to you all*

They were the ones who gave me visibility, I don't know that I did anything specific to make that happen, except writing the stories, turning up, and listening to them.

It's a very weird way of doing it and I don't know that anyone else has ever done it quite that way like this. I feel like a massive outlier in that sense. I don't relate to anyone who is starting out in professional subscription with no readers because I could never do that, my lack of confidence wouldn't let me. But there's aspects I think any author can replicate: I reply to all my commenters (except the trolls), because they're great and I want to support connection, community, and conversation. I embrace fandom and love all transformative works, and also, like 99% of my writing is free on AO3. (You don't have to make everything free, but it certainly doesn't hurt on AO3).

I mostly finish my serials and folks can trust my happy/hopeful endings and they can trust my hurt/comfort. And I'm pretty communicative! As you can tell by how much I'm rambling right now x.x I intentionally provide a safe space for queer people and neurodivergent people as much as possible, and write a lot of representation for us. I set out to make a space I would personally feel comfortable in. That might not work for everyone, but it works for those who stay.

From there though, I'd say a lot of visibility came from word of mouth, writing chapter by chapter over time (serials naturally pick up readers simply because they're often at or near the top of a tag or fandom category on AO3 - there is NO algorithm there), sometimes sorting by kudos, and me just posting about random stuff on Tumblr with good tags.

I still write fanfiction on another account (my impostor syndrome account) that has also had some people trying my original fiction. There's quite a few people who came directly from fanfiction to the original fiction because the themes were the same!

I didn't have the confidence to intentionally try and be a professional writer. When I started writing that fanfic I was writing it because I was depressed, sad, and I'd quit an unsatisfying job as a professional artist (I loved the art and my clients, I could never make the income part work). I didn't want to be a professional writer. I was writing as hooky, as escape from my real life, and as 'oh god I just need some hurt/comfort and I can't find what I want so I'll write it.'

To this day, I still write fanfiction as an escape, it's partly why it's now on a separate account to my original stuff (but even plenty of my original fic is indulgent and self-escapist in nature, which is maybe why other people find it escapist and cathartic as well).

In writing, financially, it makes more sense to publish books, or do serials-into-books, and develop a backlist of novels alongside the serials. I don't do that. I should, I plan on starting soon. I can point out a lot of the things that I either did wrong, or that I can see a way of doing better, because I didn't set out to be a professional writer, and I still put 'keeping it fun' and 'the readers' ahead of 'making money.' I'm not very mercenary and I make financially not great decisions in favour of 'but I enjoy it more this way.'

(That's partly because I am really very ill, and I can't afford to make myself sick through my work, and not enjoying it is the fastest way to do that).

What I do know is how to help create a community, though. And how to encourage and try and care for that community of people. How to respond to what they want and sometimes don't want, alongside what I want and don't want. How to have boundaries in that space. Well, I'm still figuring it out but I think I'm more comfortable with it than I used to be!

I also don't want to make it sound like I didn't know about writing before this. Long before doing serials for 10 years, I did creative writing and scriptwriting (among other things) at university. I wrote very technically correct short stories with sad little tragic endings that won awards and sometimes decent cash prizes. I hated it, and it put me off writing for years afterwards. I felt trapped in trying to write the 'correct' way. I am entirely unsurprised that to this day I reject standard formulas for novel lengths, and that in order to write, I kind of have to break a lot of the rules I was taught.

But I was taught how to write 'correctly' by Australian standards back in the early 00s (very spare, evocative prose). These days I follow a lot of scriptwriting / television drama beats in serials and have always really enjoyed doing it that way. :D

I'm meant to be talking about some of this in the Subscriptions for Authors podcast tomorrow and it's going to be a mess, as you can tell, lmao.

(There's something to be said about the lightning-in-a-bottle moment where I just wrote a fanfic I thought everyone would hate in a popular fandom and people were just ready for that story and it took off. I had no idea how to deal with it and it was very overwhelming and I had a bit of a breakdown a year and a half later over it. It's no coincidence that a year into the Patreon I paused it for 1.5 years and walked away because I couldn't handle it. But then I did some growing up and came back and figured it out.

But yeah I didn't do any of this the right way, or in a super intentional way. The only part I know I did well was supporting a community, and communicating with the people who turned up. And I did that for very selfish reasons - I wanted to be in a community, and I enjoyed meeting people who had things in common with me. I sometimes feel a little like a gremlin who just stumbled into a community and was like 'oh, um, I'm here, I guess.'

It's really everyone else who made it magical, but it did help that I think I am (in retrospect) pretty good at writing a hooky, addictive serial for the right kinds of readers. I cannot understate this enough -> learning how to write serials and exploring episodic television drama can be very helpful).

[trifoliumrex]

Let's Burn Chapter 8

Master

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8

So Here’s the thing. You died. Like dead dead. But there’s good news. Turns out the multiverse is real and Suga and Jay are going to make sure it doesn't happen again. If Yoongi and Hobi don’t get in the way. Or Worse yet the troublesome Kim Namjoon. Can they keep you safe when you don’t even know who they are? Or will Namjoon finally get what he wants.

A reader x J-hope x Suga fic

But also reader x yoongi

But also Hobi, and Jay. the multiverse am I right?

Word Count: 4672

Here now and bathed in pain and blood:

   It doesn't take Suga long to get to the warehouse. He beats his men. He's sure of that at least. He hopes he beats Hobi. That seems too lucky though. He seriously doubts that any of you have been graced with any luck. If this is a story, it's not a rom-com. He’s pretty sure it's a tragedy. You are doomed to die. Jay is doomed to watch. And Suga is doomed to, No. He’s not doomed. 

   There isn't anything in the world that could make him kill Jay. Not this time. He doesn't even think He could do it to save the next you because somehow he knows. Somehow he knows that this is the important one if they fail this time they really will always fail. You will always die.

   You're screaming. Inside the building. He can hear you from all the way out here. He’s only heard it once. That first time and only from the phone. This is worse. This is so much worse. The second he steps through the threshold  he smells it. The whole place reeks of gasoline. Suga pauses. The feeling of smoke not yet formed already in his lungs. He hesitates for just a moment. The feeling of choking to death memories from a him he hates more than anyone else, maybe even more Namjoon. If they both weren't here maybe Namjoon wouldn't be. Maybe You and Hobi could be here safe and happy. 

   He should have finished it. He should have finished the job and let you out of this hell loop. You let out another scream and something hits his shoulder and he spins around reaching for the gun he doesn't have. How could he forget he flashes the briefest look of fear before looking up. His fear goes to despair. 

   “You shouldn't be here Hobi. we can’t lose you” Suga’s voice is full of longing and pleading emotions at war, he doesn't want Hobi here. He can’t do this alone and Hobi is the one he wants to wrap his arm around. The one he wants to hold onto him

   “You should know we can’t stay away. We had a talk and we’re on the same page.” Hobi smiles. It doesn't reach his eyes. It's half at best. But it's still brighter than anything Suga ever could muster on his own. Despite the pain.

    “No” Suga says and his voice is so strangled. So weak. Like when he first woke up. “Please Hobi” another scream makes him wince. Hobi hands him his gun. He can feel the memories but actually using the gun? He’s not sure if he has the skill. The literal muscle memory.

  “I don’t know how to use it. Come on” he takes Suga's hand. This time they will go together. Hobi leads the way. He knows the way. Jay can’t come out now. He can’t deal with this, Poor Thing. He doesn't have emotional intelligence. He needs a moment to figure out how to be here. It's fine they only have one gun between them. 

   If you had asked Suga earlier, hey out to the three of you who do you think will leap head first into a building that is almost definitely going to be engulfed in flame Hobi wouldn't have been at the top of your list. Not if you could help it, if any of them could help it. Hobi wasn't afraid though. Not like the rest of them. He's afraid for you but his primary emotion seems to be determination. The loop ends here, and your death won’t collapse it. 

   While Jay and Suga have been plotting revenge Hobi has been looking for a different solution. There are so many new areas to explore. So many things he was capable of that he didn't know about. He wasn’t ok with all of it of course. You’re right he is a good man. But perhaps not as good as the rest of you believe. Perhaps he’s being corrupted. Hobi doesn't mind. Not when he sees a certain kind of truth in the other hims and Suga's methods. Sometimes the simplest of actions is the right one and what's more simple than brute force. 

   He takes Suga's hand and leads him up the stairs. He’s half a step faster then Suga and Suga has to tug him back. The situation is desperate. Still Hobi has time to give him a look. An are you serious? I'm not a damsel in distress. I'm not  goes through his head a conversation only for the two versions of himself. The screams stop and Suga tries to run. Hobi grabs him and shoves against the wall. “She's not dead. He makes him watch. He always makes ME watch. He always makes me watch”

   “You remember ?” That pained voice is back. Hobi doesn't have time to fix it. He reaches out. Put a hand on Suga's arm. It's not much but for now it's all they can afford.

   “It works both ways. He’s me and I'm him Suga.” Suga cringes back. If there was more time he’s reach out. Tell him it was ok. Because it means he gets to know Suga in this life. That it had to be this Suga. Yoongi never would have let him in. Jay was the key. Besides, For all Jay's faults. Hobi loves him too. He sees the good in Jay that he doesn't see in himself and he sees the darkness that Jay is so willing to overlook. The protective instinct runs both ways. “You listen to me Suga. This time has to be different. Whatever it take she lives”

    “No.” Hobis' eyes flash for a second and suddenly Jay surfaces. He grabs the gun out of Suga's hands. Suga lets him take it but his hands grip tight on Jays wrists. “No. You both live. This time both of you live. She can’t. You saved her after Yoongi! You think she can survive one of us dying because of her?! Both of us?! She’ll blame herself! You know what that will do to her” Jay tries to pull away. 

    The cycle playing out over and over again has never stopped him before. So why should it now. What's  the point of any of this without you? It won't matter without you. Suga's grasp is strong and firm. It's the Suga that he remembers unmarred by the weight of Yoongi's actions. Almost untethered to this world. Tethered only to him and to the idea that maybe this time will be different. Maybe this time it will change. 

    “You want to know why it never works? What is your problem?” He sees the anger build in Jay's face and there is another scream. He still can't pull away. The grip on his wrist is strong and growing stronger. 

    “That you always shot me before I could explain? That Namjoon is more fucked up then I thought? Or is it just that I tried to take your girl? Is this where I find out that this is hell that none of you are real and this is my punishment?!” Suga rolls his eyes and Jay considers shooting him to test out this latest theory. 

   “You are so fucking dramatic. Your problem is you never had a plan. Not once even when you did it was always a shit plan. What happens if you kill him?” Suga sounds actually angry. At him. Jay can’t help but feel a little indignant. 

    “He dies,” Jay spits out. He has to admit. He likes that part. Every time he gets to kill him. He enjoys slaughtering him like the animal that he is.  

    “Does he? Or does he move on to the next her” Jay pauses. Does he care? If he has you here and that you he doesn't know the other you did she matter? He might not care. Hobi does and stops struggling. Suga sees the switch and is glad. Glad for a Jay that is not only is kind and beautiful and good but also has the ability to make a plan and stick to it. 

    “I wouldn’t know her, I mean, I might not and if I did she'd probably just be your girl. Shes always yours. You wouldn't expect him” Jay bites his lip. Until he tastes blood. Blood, that focuses him. 

    “I called the cops” He takes the gun back. “I shoot him. Not fatally. I’ll probably get arrested too but after they see what he did to her. After I tell everyone about his crazy letters. How he was stalking her. After they see whatever he's done to her'' he winces. He only saw you that one time really. The other times he just knew you were dead. Usually Jay even told him. Jay didn't even seem to realize it was him. His Suga. Always to late. Always not good enough to save you.

    “So that's your plan. Go in there shoot him non fatally then walk away?” Jay sounds at best skeptical. At worst, still angry. At jay for the mess he’s made at Hobi, for letting himself be in danger.

    “No. we need to make sure the cops find him. That he lives'' Jay doesn't like it. Doesn't like that at all. Namjoon isn't right. He’s barely even human. Whatever this traveling between lives and universes it has to be his fault.

    “This is a bad plan Suga. You’ll understand.” He’ll try. For Suga. For future yous He’ll try.He lets Suga take the lead. Suga isn't prepared. Doesn't understand. He will. Suga is confident that this will work. He remembers when he was confident. The first two or three times. When he thought he just had bad luck. 

   Suga opens the door. It's always the same door. Always the same room and by the time he gets it open it's always the same sight. Namjoon always gets bored of the chair and you are always on the floor. Usually he’s over you. Sometimes he strips you, sometimes not. He likes to shock Jay. Jay would have thought that was no longer possible. When he sees Namjoon inside of you. Hears you begging for him to stop. Begging Jay to make him stop. It always shocks him. It always makes him pause. 

    You're on the floor exposed. Your clothes torn off your body. He’s not inside of you this time. This time there are cuts. Deep cuts littering your body and Namjoon straddling your hips seeps to have been fingerpainting in your blood. Gleefully. Like a monster or a child. Like both. You turn your head to  the sound of the open door and your eyes are glassy. “Go” you croak out. It's worth a try. You know it wont work. There is so much blood but the worst is your scar. Namjoon has re-opened it.

   Suga would never leave you. He points the gun at Namjoon but doesn't fire.  “Get off her,” Suga says in a voice that's oddly detached.  Namjoon smiles at him. 

   “You’re not Yoongi are you? I read his file. He was interesting”  Namjoon presses his thumb into your open cheek making you writhe under him. The pained whine that comes from you makes his finger squeeze the trigger just a hair farther. “You were better though. You always made such interesting choices. I hated you of course. Until he hated you brought him even closer to me. You weren't the problem” his thumb presses in deeper and the whine turns into a gasping sound.

    “Neither was she. Jay was the fucking problem.” Namjoon withdraws his hand and brings the blood to his lips. Suga makes a face of disgust.  

    “Do you know what I did? Before you brought me here? He liked to kill them but do you know what he did with their eyelids?” Namjoon’s focus goes back to you even when he hears the footsteps that he knows means Jay is here. “We ate them.”

    “What, is that a sex thing or”

    “I hated them. I wanted them to suffer. So I took part of them”  he brushes the hair back from your face. “So they would suffer forever.” 

    “Get the fuck off her. Then we can talk about your shit and” Namjoon pounces on you and at first for a moment Suga thinks he’s kissing you. Until you scream in pain.  He pulls back and there's blood pouring from his mouth. Your ear is gone. Suga fires. 

   It should have hit. It would have hit, But a body slams into his wrestles  for the gun. Jay or Hobi or both stare down at him. Wrestling for the gun. Suga could shoot him. Both of them. Maybe Namjoon would go to the next world but it didn't have to be his problem. It could be Jays. fuck Hobi. Collateral damage. Just like you had been. 

   “Sorry Jay.” He whispers ready to make this all go away. His own fault really he gave Suga the idea after all. Hobi's eyes widen and suddenly you make an awful choking sound. Suga turns his head. Namjoon looks angry. The rage simmering beneath the surface finally making its face known. 

   Hobi gets his first look at you. His first real look and sucks in a breath. Suga sees the wounds of course how could he not But Hobi. Hobi understands. “Oh no. no no no no no '' Namjoon says, his hand gripping at your throat. He’s pulled you up to your feet holding you by the neck in front of him like a shield. “You don’t kill him. I think you're right. I think it ends here. Jay, come on. This can be the last time. Kill him first. I'll take care of her”

    “I'm not Jay” Hobi says, finally getting the gun out of Suga hands. “ Jay is… a fucking idiot Namjoon. I'm sorry I let him scream at you. But this. What you've done here” Your fingers. Your fucking fingers. The pinky. Fuck he must have sucked on the wound. He can see there was no chance of reattachment. The ring finger though. Hope. He feels hop blossom in his chest as Jay understands that maybe just maybe its not lost. He wants to help you.

   Get your out of here as whole as he can.

   “It's magnificent. Thing is. Jay… he needs her.  Id say fuck him I really would Namjoon. But he’s part of me. The eating thing. That's part of him right? The RM part? You didn't do that before'' Namjoon frowns. He has a point. That's a new need. He licks at your ear and  your knees give out. He smiles.

    “Fuck him though right. Because I see you and fuck. He was so stupid.” He takes a step forward and Namjoons grip on you tightens. Hobi puses past your limp body and wraps his long arms around Namjoon. Hobi doesn't stop embracing him in the way his sure Namjoon has dreamed of. Not even when you blood starts to soak his back. Namjoon's grip on you loosens for just a second. “You’re so beautiful Namjoon. Just put her down”

    “I like you Jay. You’re a little slut. Too bad I know the truth. To keep you I just have to crush one little windpipe. You can keep him. How about that.” he eyes Suga. He wouldn't mind taking a bite out of him. a teething toy to keep Jay's pretty face pristine.

    “No.” He shoots Namjoon. The shoulder. Nothing too serious. Not if he can attend to the wound. Namjoon drops you and Suga is over to you in an instant. He even manages to catch you. Pulling you away. If he had known. How much easier it would be with Suga here?! He could have stopped this so long ago. If he had just asked for help. Begged if he needed to.

   Fuck Namjoon is bleeding bad but so are you. “Suga you have to stop the bleeding” Suga puts his hands over you but hesitates. You have so many wounds. He has no idea what would Hobi's talking about. “No. Honey you have to keep him alive so I can help her” Suga looks at Namjoon and maybe. Maybe he doesn't  care about you and others either. It was easy to talk a good talk before he saw him bite into you. Saw what he’s already done. “SUGA” 

   You blink at him slowly just a few times. “Suga.. it hurts…” you whisper. Suga's eyes widen. He doesn't know how to make the pain stop. He stands and swaps with Hobi. A move so choreographed it could be a dance. Hobi is over you in seconds and starts proding at you making you whimper at each touch.  “You're not supposed to be here. You're not supposed to hurt '' You say in protest the pain making your voice somehow both rougher and more like that of a child. 

    “I know. I know baby” Hobi mutters not distracted, your pain focused on something  you can’t quite see. Your fingers where are they He looks at Suga. “Find out where he put her fingers. The ring finger. I think I can save it” 

   Suga applies pressure to Namjoon's wound. “Where is it?” when he doesn't immediately respond Suga increases the pressure until the man starts to scream. Sugar south twists into a wicked grin that you’ve never seen before. You miss it, not your attention entirely on Hobi as he un-caps a small bottle and starts applying it to your wounds. Glue. enough to stop the bleeding for a moment. It would hurt coming off. He was glad for his stint in the understaffed, underfunded ER.

    Your whimpering is louder and Namjoon tries to make a lunge. For you or for Hobi he can't say. “Will I kill him if I break his legs?” Suga calls over Nmajoon's cursing. 

   “Find out where her finger is!! Then break them!” Hobi’s is so focused on your face. Trying to super glue the edges of the jagged wound together. Jagged. Fuck what did he do? He couldn't have used a knife. A wave of nausea passed over him, what had he used then? “Stay still honey. You need to stay still”

    “It hurts!” You insist “Stop!” You try and grab his hands. He takes both of your wrists in his but your blood makes it slippery Suga looks up at the sound of your struggling and then he sees it. One of your fingers. 

    “Where is the other one?!”

    “I guess I didn't need to bite her again” Namjoon starts to laugh. “I already took part of her. You should try it. Then even when I kill her you can be together” Suga punches him and makes a dash for the finger. Picking it up and bringing it to Hobi. He presents it not unlike a ring. Hobi takes one look and a small sound comes out of his throat. 

    It sounds a lot like despair.

    He looks at the walls. Your fault. The message was written for him. Over and over again. Your fault. Namjoon is right. This is his fault. Your fingers are not getting fixed. The wounds. More scars. Should he try again? Start the cycle again? Let you do so he can save you. Hobi doesn't know how to fix this. “Too late Suga. Too late”  he lets go of your wrists and they stay limply where they are. 

    Suga crouches over you. Looking for clean skin. Something to  embrace. To comfort you. To make this just a little better for you. Till he hears a click. The gun the fucking gun. Namjoon is aiming it at you. Jay blocks the path of the bullet. “I knew you loved me, Jay. you didn't kill be when you have the chance”

    “That's right I love you. But if you kill them we can't be together. I’ll follow them. You know that.”

    “That's fine. I always liked that part the best. I’ll kill her then you can have the gun. How does that sound?” You let out a whimper of terror. Trying to crawl away but not even able to flip yourself over. “Look she's not even fun anymore.” 

   Suga lunges and Namjoon fires. Maybe he’ll cross over with them, maybe not. Namjoon doesn't care. Suga falls but from the wrong way Namjoon scowls as his eyes leave Suga and go to Jay now bleeding out. That's a new one. Jay had never tried to say Suga before. Suga lunges again and knocks  him to the ground his fist collides with his head over and over until he’s not sure if he’s alive or dead before crawling back to Hobi who's trying to hold himself together.  He looks at Suga and for the first time tonight looks afraid. “Suga” He says in a voice so small and scared. 

    His face changed into Jays. His face is calm and if it weren't for the rapid breathing  he might even seem ok. He looks at Suga with a cold expression. “I think you saved Yoongi's body Suga. Maybe” He lets out a groan. “We don't have to both die” Suga watches as hobi strugles to get to the surface but is refused. forced to stay somewhere it might be safe.

    “I only told them two ambulances, Jay!” Jay closes his eyes, he lets go of his wound and grabs Suga's collar.

   “Promise! You have to fucking promise me. You make them take her first! Then him!”

   “Then YOU!”

   “NO. HE CAN'T TOUCH HER AGAIN” the sirens are getting louder and Jay's death grip starts to loosen  his eyes flutter once. Then twice. “Let me hold her? Please” Suga helps him over to you. His arms go over you.  

    “Jay” you whimper and somehow you're still able to cry. Suga helps the two of you wraps your arms around each other. It isn't enough. There’s no strength in either of you, and Suga doesn't have enough hands to hold the blood in both of you. He tries to hold you together. Too bad he doesn't even have enough hands for that.

    You pass out to the sound of sirens getting close and the smell of gasoline. It’s at least better than the smell of smoke.

    You wake up to the smell of the hospital. You spent enough time visiting Yoongi and then Suga to know the smell intimately. There's a beeping that makes you frown. Frowning turns out to be a mistake. You let out a groan of pain and a hand  gently grasps yours. “Hey, take your time ok?” Suga's voice is gentler than ever. 

    You try to sit up but Suga has to help you with a hand on your wrist stopping you from trying the injured limb. You open your eyes but only one opens. “Just some bandages” he whispers, reading the alarm on your face. 

   “Hobi?” Suga sucks in air and then looks away. It takes him minutes to look back at you. You know because you watch the minute hand rotate. It seems like it takes longer though. 

   “Hobi, he’s ok. He’s mostly ok. I can bring him here. Would you like that?”  you nod very slowly. You know there's more. The fact that he can’t tell you makes the heartbeat picked up by the monitor start to get erratic. 

    You hear tiers approaching and want to turn your head but last time it had hurt. You stay still expecting the worst. He's fine  mostly but half of him is missing. He’s fine but he's only got  a week to live. He’s fine but… he doesn't remember you. You feel a fan on your injured one. So gentle. No pressure applied to the  damaged stubs that had once been digits. “Hi”

    “Hobi?”

    “Right here honey”

    “Jay?” He pauses and you slowly turn your head. He waits for you. Wait till he knows you can see. He shakes his head. You start to sob and Hobi holds you. You feel Suga on your other side and think you can hear him cry too.

    Recovery is a long process. It's made longer by the fact that  Hobi can’t help. Suga is bumbling as a nurse, honest and enthusiastic but nowhere near as skilled as Hobi. Still. Every day until Hobi gets his strength back they exchange the ritual. Ensuring each other that they are each other's hope. You like to watch from the couch. Smiling at them. When you can.

   You don't have to do physical therapy. Your wounds were minor. That’s what the doctors say. When you close your eyes. You can feel the ones that were not so minor. Jay is gone but Hobi can remember. Sometimes his hands wander over the place where scars should be. Or where  limbs should be missing. 

   Hobi Has his own secret. You’re so fragile though. And Suga, he’s happier. Suga always liked him better. Maybe Hobi is better than the truth. Today you’re in your bed. You don't want to get up. You’ve had a very vivid dream.

   It's not that you don't understand why they didn't kill him. You just keep thinking he’s going to get out. He’s going to find you and finish what he started. Jay made you feel safe. Especially after you remembered. Especially after he was gone. Hobi knocks on the door fresh from his exercises and  a bit of amusement on his lips until he opens and sees you. 

    The worst is your scar. His attempts to keep your blood inside you had only made it more noticeable. It was impossible to hide now. He understands the guilt Suga felt. There's no Yoongi for him to hide behind though. This was his actions. “Bad dream?”

    “Not sure. Could have been a memory. He had sharp teeth. Did he” 

   “Bad dream I think” Hobi says as he sits down next to you. He pulls you into him just a little roughly and he can feel your heart skip a beat. This is the way Jay used to hold you. “You miss him”

    “I'm sorry I love you Hobi I just. I loved him too”

    “I…honey. I” He swallows. “Jay was wrong. He didn't die, we both did. But something happened” Your eyes widen. “I'm not. them. But I am. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry” 

    “Like him? Like Namjoon? Both” The man in front of you nods. He’s been so afraid. SO reluctant to tell you the truth. He holds just once. “Who are you?”

   “Hope” He says with a frown. He hadn't thought of a name yet. The Hope is for Hobi. That light is there, but there's also something else. “J-hope.” He amends “But hope is easier” 

    “My hope” You say like it's a spell. 

    “Our hope,” Suga says from the door. He knows Hope knew he was there. He comes over. No more secrets between you.

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8

[shebloomsatnights-blog]

I Wrote You A Story (that you'll never read)

The Office

It was the first time we saw each other, I was supposed to meet someone else, probably one of your colleauge. Something happened in between, your colleauge friend had to leave somewhere, so we (me and my colleauge) ended up with you. The thing that I simply notice is that you have a tall figure, that's all and suddenly this uneasy feelings that you're going to haunt me, rose. fuck me.

The Message

A couple days after that, I had THIS NERVE to message you pretending that I didn't get the lesson you taught the other day, when I clearly in my right state of mind, understood every single of it, just because I want you to notice my name. So, I simply text you, introduce my self, hello my name is Sekar blablabla and asked that stupid question I made the day before, a kind of question that I know really well the answer and doesn't sound so stupid, but still it is. You replied, and that's it. I get the message, thinking, oh that's it babe, don't ever ask again or you'll look so stupid and hopeless.

The Meet Up

Months later, in not a very strange way, we met through our acquaintance (your colleague is my high school friend but not so close, we just knew each other). Days before, she reach me through whatsapp, and it's so embarassing, she asked me do I still want to meet you. I know my lovely friend Ana and her pretty mouth that can't keep a secret definitely told her that I had a crush on you. So, here and there, we finally, meet again.

The Night We Met

It was Saturday at 2 p.m, I was very close to have my power nap routine at the weekend and suddenly my phone rang. It was you calling. I was trying so hard not to sound so stupid or anything annoying. But I literally scream, after I hung up the call like a very loud scream wkwkw cegil behaviour, I blame you on that. We decided to meet again, on a coffe shop. It's just a simple conversations on getting to know each other, etc. Since then, a night out with you was so important to me. It "clicked" somehow. We went along with it.

The Ghost

Things getting hard, you were so closed and unreachable, and I'm slowly frustated, so we just stop speaking. Getting really quite and cold with each other. I cut my hair really short out of frustatement, so I have other things to worry about (worrying my short hair which looks so ugly on me) and hoping it'll kind of distract me from you. It did work, but then the fucking 1975 release a songs, that was so about you, and my pride crumble in pieces. Another cegil behaviour, I messaged you at 11.30 p.m because I miss you, fuck me (2).

The Re-Bound

That stupid thing I did worked, we began to meet and talk again, like we used to. I fell deeper and I bet you'd stay in the surface. Suddenly all of the TS's love and heartbreak songs were about you (misery loves company). I didn't even hesitate this time, to show my affection towards you, I just love doing it to the person that I think they deserved it. I have this overflowing affection that I'd love to share it with someone (besides my parents and friends), and it was you. All I did was support you, once in a while I learnt a new recipe so you can try even though I know it doesn't taste that good, but you'd still appreciate it, that made me even happier.

The Late Night Thoughts

The same cycle happened again this time, you'd just shut me off, treat me indifferently like I was some kind of joke you could play along with. Just so you know, I was a tough girl, even though being the youngest in the family, my parents raised me to be independent and strong. I built my own fortress, so people who had a bad intention would not affect me that much. I know you're a good person, it shows, but when I get to know you, that fortress I've been building on my own, slowly crumble. I stepped outside my comfort zone, built the bridge pieces by pieces but I felt like I'm the only one who's doing all the work to make some things with you possible. I had to be the one who initiate every conversations, every meetings, just because I want to make those things work. I was doing all the things, but you can't even replied to the message I sent you. I went from desperate to pathetic. I became someone I didn't like, so sensitive, the kind of woman I used to mock.

I've done nothing but support you, I don't deserve to be the one you left behind without any explanation. I was hoping a clear communication, any reasons would work. Even if you tell me that you've been pretending all of this time because you took pity on me, I'd accept it.