#i hope it makes you feel something for someone you hurt for once even if its just disgust.
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🪶 anon here! Can I request headcanons for ZZZ Lighter, Billy, Anton, Ben Bigger, Wise, and Lycaon reacting to being under a mistletoe with his gn crush please?
Oh my God Oh my God I'm so late.
Pretend it's Christmas! just pretend! shut up!!
ZZZ Boys react being under the mistletoe
You smiled and chatted with a little group of your friends, the managers at random play hosted a Christmas party in their parking lot and who are you to decline your best friends! With a few chairs and tables Christmas lights and even a giant projector playing classic Christmas movies it quickly became very lively Even some of the people running the shop next door brought homemade food and treats, and some alcohol. After a drink or two and introducing yourself to a few people, You somehow made your way under a familiar green plant with someone you knew.
Lighter Lorenz
He'll try to act like he wasn't the one who tried so hard to look so casual standing close enough between you and the mistletoe. He'd been trying to get you underneath all night, And now that you're right next to him he had to hold back how much he was smiling as all he did was look up.
"Well, would you look at that... I'm not too familiar with the rules, are you?" The big fat liar said, letting a little curve of a smile grace his freshly moisturized lips from the chapstick he had used earlier. He was already sneaking his arms around your waist pulling you closer to kiss him. You decided to not call him out for his blatant lie as he almost completely took the lead and kissed you.
Billy Kid
He generally thought mistletoe was a myth, a myth that someone like him would never be under a plant like that. He didn't even know that The plant actually was a real life plant until Nicole had to explain to him what he was underneath. And once everything hits him all at once.
Billy.exe stopped working
He doesn't care if he can't feel your soft lips, the fact that you kissed him counts. But damn it was one of those days where he really wish he could feel maybe he should get that skin sensation update. It's expensive but any price he would pay to feel your lips again.
Anton Ivanov
The most chill out of everyone. "Oh I'm just giving you a kiss? Sure!" As he goes in to kiss you. Using the mistletoe as an excuse to kiss you has him fist bumping the air.
Anton is the kind of guy who makes his feelings for you known. He's also so blatant with his feelings that you think he's joking. If it was anywhere else on that mistletoe, he would have kissed them on the cheek or something, but no, for you. He makes sure to kiss you where it counts. He'll even ask "do you want more?"please say yes he would like that.
Ben Bigger
Poor bear he's practically shaking. Despite being twice your size He scared that he might hurt you or nip you on accident with his sharp teeth. "You don't have to if you don't want to... You can just kiss me right here." He says with a smile His claw pointing to his cheek. He could never accept a kiss from your lips. It's not the right time!
He'll make sure to bend to your height. His eyes closed, bracing for your soft lips. He could hear his heart pounding so loud that it drowned out everyone else. He hopes no one is looking. He might die from embarrassment or cardiac arrest, whichever one comes first.
You surprise him by touching his cute face and kissing his little nose. He hopes that you can't see his blushing face through his brown fur, but he's not helping to hide how he feels with his paws covering his face.
Wise
Damn it! He told his sister not to hang up that thing! And when trying to take it down you just so happen to bump into him. His eyes went wide as his heart jumped in his throat instantly forgetting what he was doing. His voice cracks as you point out the mistletoe that he's trying to reach for.
"Y-yeah That's there... Um... So listen you don't have to if you-" You were done hearing it as you kissed him on the lips. Thanking his self-restraint that day for swallowing his internal screaming. But he couldn't do much to hide the blush on his face as he smiled. "Forward aren't you... Save some for me." Four words that he will be regretting for the rest of his life.
Fine, the mistletoe can stay... For now, he'll have to thank his sister later.
Von Lycaon
To him a mistletoe is childish, Even as a younger pup He thought it was a little stupid. But with that bright smile on your face how could he refuse. Why spoil your fun? You look so happy to see him and you're cute face always makes his tail wag.
"where would you like my lips to lay?" He asks. When you appoint to your lips his eyebrows flick up for just a second before his smile widens. "Who am I to turn down such a request." He can't help but give you a little extra pressing his nose against your hand before moving to kiss your lips. Now he definitely understands the appeal of mistletoe.
Asaba Harumasa
He would probably take the mistletoe that is tied to the ceiling and bring it over to you. He taps your shoulder and jiggles it in his hand with a smug smile. He will regret this for the rest of his life, but who cares? He has a little alcohol in his system, and you're right there. His heart could burst when he felt your lips against his. He wanted more so badly. He tried to pull you in closer. His eyes were half-lit as if he were under a spell.
He had to stop himself from going in for another kiss. Your lips were so perfect. He wished he could do more than a quick peck, but with people watching, he couldn't just slip his tongue in your mouth.
#zzz#zenless zone zero#von lycaon#lighter zzz#lighter lorenz#zzz anton#zzz ben#ben bigger#anton ivanov#zzz wise x reader#zzz x reader#zzzero#zzz harumasa#asaba harumasa#harumasa x reader#lighter x reader#anton x reader#lycaon x reader#wise x reader#ben bigger x reader#hoyoverse
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Turning Point - Part 1
Characters: Poly!LADs x gn!mc (MC POV/Sylus-centric POV)
Warnings: Lots of hurt/tiny bit of comfort, Injuries, Angst, Loss of Arm, Lots of emotional struggle with disability.
Word Count: 3517
Written: 3rd January 2025
Notes: Pre-relationship with gn!MC with all LADs, with my personal pov of the game and lil headcanons littered in. Unnamed MC, but using my personal MC's basic appearance and adjusted backstory. I take some liberties with what the game offers me. I find Sylus easier to write, but all LADs are present. Don't ask me if I'm working through some stuff... I can't say I'm not. This is Pre-Cat Curse. I'll try to do the more comfort, actual communication part sometime soon.
Now Playing: The Foundations of Decay, by My Chemical Romance
Masterlist AO3
Next ->
When you close your eyes it's all you can see. The metal bar through your shoulder. The debris crushing your arm.
You can't feel it anymore.
But you can see it.
You hate Mysts. You hate EVER. You hate that you fucked up and let your guard down. Falling for a trap you're not even sure was for you, or just some fucked up experiment they'd been carrying out with their new toys.
You hate that you woke up changed, you hate that when you'd seen hospital walls you'd expected to see Caleb there like he was throughout your teen years. Or Zayne, clipboard in hand, ready to lecture you on being more careful, on taking care of yourself.
You hate that Jenna sent you home, for the foreseeable future, to recover. To do your stupid physical therapy. To sit at home and stare at yourself in the mirror. Aches and pains and phantoms lurking over your limbs, your shoulder.
You hate having to lock Mephisto out, drawing your curtains. You hate pretending you're not in, whenever Xavier comes knocking. You hate switching off your phone so Rafayel can't contact you.
You hate being this weak, useless creature.
You hate the core in your chest.
You hate what made you like this.
You hate that your instinct is to run away and hide.
A wounded cat in an alleyway, lying down in a corner, hoping the heat of your fur doesn't fade.
Hoping you don't freeze to death where no one thinks to look for you.
You hate that even when you wish someone would find you, only one person ever made sure to look, and he's gone.
You feel like you did when you watched your home disappear into flames, you feel that horrible acrid disgust in your stomach. The feeling that if you could kill what made you feel like this, you'd be alright again. You'd be able to breathe again.
The feeling that dropped you into The Nest with no concern for yourself, just a goal in mind.
The feeling that put you into Sylus' lap, gun in hand, snarling.
You feel like you did when you were told by Dr Noah that there was no cure for what lurked in your heart, that it could kill you, that no one could tell you when.
The feeling that had you abandoning any vision of a future.
The feeling that sat you in front of Caleb, wounds bleeding over his hands, because then you felt something else.
You don't have the name for them, they have been constant companions throughout your life, but you don't even know their names. You're so very tired of them, though. Wishing that they would leave you be, to let something lighter and warmer settle where they once sat.
Choosing your family, however, is often difficult.
The room is dark around you, every curtain drawn, all the lights turned off. Huddling in the corner of your bedroom, blanket wrapped firmly over your body so you can't see. Can't look and see every mottled bruise, every uneven harsh scar, every bloody bandage that you can't bear to change.
The place your arm used to be.
If you look away, if you don't stare at it, if you focus really hard, you can feel it.
You can pretend…
Even if the pain bites at your shoulder.
Even when the medication you can't make yourself take without throwing up, stares at you across the room. Where you'd thrown it in your trembling hand. Limbs so weak, walking aches every step.
You'd fallen to the floor, curled up and stayed.
You think you should be crying, but you can't seem to feel anything other than those old feelings and the pain. Like they're keeping you tethered to this reality. Chains around you, digging into your throat, tearing at soft skin.
Part of you is aware you have to keep moving, if you don't take care of yourself… you'll see Caleb sooner than you should. That he'd be sad that you stopped trying. That moving forwards is important. That there's still good you can do, meaning to be found.
It's the last logical strain of your mind that reminds you people will eventually find you, if you fade to nothing here. That they'll be hurt.
Even worse if it's Tara… Zayne… Xavier… Rafayel… Sylus…
It's only a small voice, easily ignored, in favour of fighting against the chains around your neck. Trying to keep you here, in a world you don't want to be in. In a reality that keeps ripping at you.
So you shrink in on yourself, flinching when you try to tighten a hand you've lost around the soft wool of the blanket, and curl inwards.
It has to get better. Quieter.
It has to.
—-----
Sylus stands outside the apartment door, staring at it. His knocks have gone ignored, his messages unread. Mephisto hasn't been able to even spot a hair on your head. He's not used to not knowing where you are, to not being able to keep track of you. Even if you don't respond, he at least knows if you're safe.
You've made no indication that you don't want him around, ever since that moment you'd rushed across a crossing to demand he never disappear on you, you'd not pushed him away.
He can't think of anything he's done that will have changed that. At least, he's almost sure he hasn't… The idea that he has sinks into his gut, twisting and biting like an agitated snake.
If he's to be devoured by any snake, it needs to be you and your EVOL link.
He's staring at the handle, wondering whether to snap the thing, or break into your security system. There's other hunters in the apartment block, the longer he stands out here the bigger the risk.
Of course, if he's caught breaking in… that would be another thing.
Perhaps if your balcony is unlocked, he can use his EVOL to get to you that way.
Why did he never register himself into your security system before now?
"Oi."
He's surprised that someone could sneak up on him, he's less surprised when he sees the wanted Lemurian standing behind him. Turning, the bright eyed fish is staring, "You here for any particular reason, or are you staring at doors for fun?"
Sylus can read the wariness in his eyes, he knows of your companions, he's got a good database of information about them, this one is the one with the most amount of secrets. Even parts he can't dig up. There's a small flicker of recognition in the fish's eyes as he looks at him, an acknowledgment that means Sylus has been figured out.
Though he doesn't feel a threat from it. There's recognition and then there's being made. Whatever the fish wants, it's nothing to do with him. He wonders if you've talked about him at all.
He wants to test it. "Skye." Hand extended, "I'm looking for the little kitten who lives here."
There's another flicker, and this one he doesn't understand, but it softens the glare a little bit, "Rafayel. So you're that friend of Cuties. I'm here looking for them too." This time his glare turns into a frown, disgruntled, agitated.
There's a lot Sylus can read. The fish, Rafayel, is struggling to balance all the feelings he's drowning with.
"So, have they responded to you at all?"
"No."
The frown on Rafayel's face is familiar, Sylus has seen it in his mirror, after staring at all the unread messages, after finding Mephisto without information yet again.
It's been days, and he knows he can't give you space anymore. While he respects your boundaries, he knows there's always a very real risk you could disappear. It might not always be a conscious choice you make. He doesn't want you dying in an alley alone.
If you're going to die, you're going to die with him, in his arms, with company.
He imagines those around you, feel much the same.
"Me too." This time he does hear the approach. Two sets of footsteps. When he turns, he picks out your hunter partner, and your doctor. The two look frazzled. Like they've run here.
The doctor wipes his forehead, as he looks over at Sylus and Rafayel, he doesn't have the same reaction to him that Rafayel did, but his sharp features are not welcoming. The hunter on the other hand, stops, hand flashing in light, and Sylus gets a jolt of 'danger', before it fades.
Bright blue eyes widen a little bit, and then the hand relaxes, looking at the little crow phone charm dangling from Sylus' phone that sits in his hand. Quiet. Lonely.
"Why are you here?" The edge doesn't leave the hunters voice, but the words are aimed specifically at Sylus.
He lets himself laugh, a huff of air, rather than any real humour, "Now, now Crown Prince. I'm not the enemy. I'm… a friend."
He watches the hand tense, light flickering again, blue sharpening into ice. Ah, Philos. Always did make the most easily tormented creatures.
"Crown Prince?" The doctor turns his head to the hunter, who huffs, turning his head away.
"We have more important things to think about now, don't we?" Sylus offers, somewhat a truce. If he can get to his kitten, he doesn't really care if he has to tolerate the prince. Or the fish… or the doctor with the pretty forest eyes.
There's bigger problems. The door.
The hunter wavers, looking at the door, protective, ready to fight if he has to. Sylus thinks he resembles a knight, more than a prince. Perhaps they all are in some way. Rushing to the door of their reckless little hunter.
"Are you-"
"Friends." Sylus interrupts the doctor, "Skye."
"Rafayel."
The prince stays quiet, introductions clearly done in the past.
The doctor nods, "Zayne, I've heard of you all. Very well." He indicates the files he's holding, "We have returned from the Association. They were injured in the line of duty, they were sent to a specialist, and have since returned and been taken off active duty until they have fully recovered."
Injured.
Taken off active duty.
Sylus tries to take the information in, but he gets distracted by the tense line of the doctor's jaw.
"You're angry."
The doctor blinks, turning his head away a little, "I don't know what you mean."
Rafayel peeks over, head tilted, "I'd be angry too, if as their doctor, cutie didn't come to me."
Ah, he watches Zayne glare at the fish, before he straightens himself out, so that's it. The doctor feels unwanted.
Helpless.
Sylus is familiar with the feeling, even if he hates it. He has to defeat it. He has to make sure this does not happen again.
"Well, best go greet kitten then."
He hears someone mutter, "Kitten?" behind him, but he's buoyed by the information that his kitten isn't just running away from him needlessly. You need help, you need support. You're hurt.
So he reaches over to the security lock on your door, and with his EVOL, crushes it inside out. Pushing the door open.
"Well shit." The fish speaks, "You really are him, huh?"
"The one and only, fish." Sylus shoots back, but doesn't stop. Pushing through the door and entering the apartment.
He makes a note to fix your door as soon as this is over.
It's no surprise Mephisto can't see you, the place is dark. His eyes flicker around the room, he hears the doctor knock into something, and the prince uses his EVOL to give them a floating star to illuminate.
Sylus feels like he should be making notes, these people are the closest people to his kitten, other than the other hunters you're closest to. Every bit of information he has about you, builds that puzzle up, but he notices blood on the floor.
Bandages torn and ripped.
Things knocked off sides, scattered to the floor.
"Cutie?" The fishes voice rises in concern, moving ahead of them, to walk over to the bedroom.
There's a twitch to Sylus' fingers that is unfamiliar. Fear making his EVOL flicker and flare, ready. He thinks it's close to fury.
Whoever did this, he'll find, and he'll make sure they can never do it again.
When they enter the bedroom, you're there. Curled on your side, blanket soaked through with sweat and blood. Eyes flickering around you weakly. Zayne stops walking, picking up a prosthetic from where it's been thrown across the room. Hands shaking as he turns it, then turns his gaze back to you.
Sylus is hard to throw off, he's not used to seeing you hurting. You have often hidden your wounds from him, he's always had to follow you, or chase you down to be there when you need a hand. You push him away if he gives you the choice, when it comes to support. You fiercely lick your own wounds, and pretend you're fine.
He remembers the snarl in your throat when you pressed a gun to his head, demanding absolution and justice for the death of those you cared about.
Despite his aching heart for the way you hissed 'Monster' at him, your fire was always delicious to taste. Even if it scorched his mouth.
You were never this. This small, shivering kitten, huddling further away from him when he steps forwards. A hurt, broken mewl out of your mouth.
The light flicks on, and you cry out, covering yourself fully with the blanket. Struggling in the process.
It gives him a chance to really take everything in, and he wishes the light had stayed off.
A bloody handprint is on the floor, before it drags away, like a claw. There are old bandages, caked in blood and dried up, around you. Medication packets thrown across the room. Your blanket is dirty and the smell indicates you haven't moved, or showered, or done anything but ache and bleed.
He wants to approach you, but the shivering… he looks at the doctor, "Do something." His voice isn't as hard as he wants it to be, it's fragile and… weak, and he doesn't want it to be weak. He needs to be strong, he has to be strong. You need him to be strong.
Zayne doesn't need urging, he approaches you carefully, a hand settles gently on your blanketed form. You jerk away, a dry sob ripping its way out of your misused voice.
"Darling. Come on, let me see."
Rafayel and Xavier hover on the edges. Sylus thinks he might look like them. Unsure, worried, trembling. Fear in their gut.
So this is what love can do, when it hurts.
You always bring new things into his life, he just wishes it was not at your expense.
At your pain.
Sylus grabs the prince's wrist, "Come."
Xavier tenses, but nods stiffly, following him. Rafayel looks at you, as Zayne coaxes you from the blanket to check on you, and though his feet struggle to move, he follows as well.
When he has led them into another room, he begins to pick things up off the floor. "Help me." He doesn't offer anything else, this is too much even for him. He doesn't want to open his feelings up to them, no matter how important they are to you. He needs to do something, though, and until he can get information out of you, he can't deal with who hurt you.
He can't do what he wants to do. Bleed, and rip, and tear, and destroy.
He can't burn whatever touched you.
Sylus is relieved when they follow him, the hunter knows where things are in your home. The fish busies himself with looking through your fridge for anything that past its best by date. He doesn't find anything, so orders from his phone.
They have to eat, he'd muttered to himself.
Sylus has never heard a siren's voice break before.
He wonders if you sound as beautiful when you cry, and let him hear.
The cleaning is methodical, though the scent of your blood doesn't ease away. He has to open a window, to air the place out, before it stops suffocating him. He's irritated by the hunger it incites in his stomach. Like he wants to bury his face into the bloody bandages and taste them.
A feeling of greed and hunger he doesn't seem able to fully get rid of. No matter how much he wants to need you in every other way than this.
When food arrives, Rafayel takes it into the kitchen, easing himself into cooking basic fish soup. The smell replaces the scent of blood, and Sylus can breathe easier.
While the fish and the prince are busy, and the worst of the mess is cleaned. Including broken shards of glass, and smashed photo frames. Sylus walks closer to the bedroom. He wants to just clean up the mess in there, so you can exist, and not see blood everywhere. Instead, he finds you, blanket pulled down, while the doctor wipes blood from around your shoulder.
His feet pause, and he meets your mismatched eyes. Scars ripping through the side of your face.
"Kitten." He exhales, and watches as you flinch, trying to bury yourself back in the blanket. The doctor takes your face in his hands, breathes with you, and soothes the hackles rising.
"It's alright."
"Don't look." You croak out, pleading at Sylus, both of them. Begging them not to see you.
He sighs, and he approaches, kneeling in front of you, hand reaching out to take your one. Soothing the flinch, the hair raising, with a steady pressure of his thumb against your skin. "Now kitten, I always want to look at you. You know that."
Your eyes glisten with tears, before you look back at Zayne, sniffling through the pain, "Hurts."
The doctor nods, "I'll need to resuture some of your wounds, I brought my tools with me, but you will need to go back into the hospital for checkups." When you try to pull away, both he and Zayne keep a handle on you. So you can't escape, so you can't fall back. So you can't stumble.
"You also need to start your therapy, if you avoid it, you will struggle even more."
"No." You snap, biting at the bit. Sylus thinks if you had a dragon's teeth, you'd sharpen them against their flesh. "I don't want it, I don't need it."
"You do need it." The doctor's brow furrows, frustration coming through his face. At himself? At you? At this situation? Sylus' couldn't tell, maybe all of it. "You need to take care of yourself."
They're both surprised when you hiccup, when your sob lets itself out. When you fall forwards. He watches your shoulder flinch, and your hand pulls out of his to cover your face, and you shatter.
Sobbings, breaking, choking on air.
He isn't sure what he's supposed to do, but he doesn't get much time to think. You're pulled forward by the doctor, into both of their arms, due to how close they are. His arm hooks around you, balancing you, so they both can hold you. The smell of blood tickles his nose again, but this time, he buries his nose in your neck. You smell like they've pulled you back from decaying, and it hurts the heart he gave to you so many years ago.
Eventually you settle, breathing again for them, fingers trembling where your hand is trapped between their bodies.
When you pull away, tears have streaked down your face, smearing dirt across your cheeks. Zayne reaches his hand out to wipe away some of it, but he lets out a soft sigh, "We need to get you cleaned up so I can take care of you."
Your eyes downcast, staring at the floor. You look ashamed, and it bites at Sylus' heels, so he presses a kiss against your cheek. Which makes the look morph to shock. "We can get the fish if that helps, I'm sure he'll make sure you don't drown."
The nod is weak, tired and worn, even though he watches your eyes flicker to your wounds, to your shoulder, back to him. Like you're realising it means someone else seeing you.
He wishes you'd see yourself the way he sees you. The way he can tell the doctor sees you. The way he's sure the prince and the fish see you.
It's not enough to tell you, though, you have to learn it yourself. So he stands, stopping momentarily when your hand tightens against his shirt, eyes widening. He watches the scar tissue tug, he watches the hand tremble where its grasping him. So he puts his over it, "I'm not leaving, kitten. When you're clean, when you're stitched back up, we'll talk, and eat. Alright?"
Sylus feels the heat settle around his heart, like your hand is holding it, when you nod. A tiny bit of fire returning to you.
To the tenacious light of your eyes.
#zayne#zayne x reader#rafayel#rafayel x reader#xavier#xavier x reader#sylus#sylus x reader#love and deepspace#lnds#lads#wonder writes#lads x reader#Zayne lads#rafayel lads#Xavier lads#Sylus lads#lads x mc#poly!lads
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Omg omg i saw someone wrote about bestie!seokmin asking forcing you to play pepero game with him but I LOST it, so pretty please, beautiful, can you do it😫
ooh i never read anything like this, let me try baby, hopefully it'll be as good as original!
lee seokmin + pepero game
'there must be some science behind it,' seokmin comments as you two prepare the table for dinner party tonight.
'behind what?' you ask, washing fruits. 'can you pass me the fruit bowl, please?'
'behind winning a pepero game.' seokmin comes up to you with a bowl in his hand and points at the tv screen, where two famous actors are being forced to play a pepero game. 'like, there's definitely some tactics for winning.'
you squint at the tv screen, watching as audience screams when eventually both of the actors look like they're about to kiss. seokmin arranges fruits just like he knows you like it - apples and oranges at the bottom with grapes on top. he wonders if you noticed how natural it is for you two to be together, how effortlessly conversation flows; he wonders if you noticed how much he knows about you, how he seems to always gravitate towards you whenever you're around. he stares at the fruit bowl and wants to scream because he does things for you without even thinking them through - like him choosing green grapes because you once mentioned in the passing that you don't like purple ones.
'pepero game doesn't require strategic mindset, seokkie,' you comment, turning to him with a sweet smile. 'it's just for fun anyways.'
seokmin is going to blame what comes out of his mouth next for four months of pining over you. 'let's play it then! i will prove that it's all about strategy!'
you look confused for a second, unsure if he's joking or not, so seokmin presses on, desperate in a way that can be considered embarrassing if he had any shame left. gladly, he has none. 'here, i've got them!' seokmin grabs a pack - a strawberry one, because guess whose favorite flavor that is? correct, yours - and shoves it in your hands. 'it's just for fun, you said. right?'
you blink at him. seokmin being this random and chaotic is not a surprise, so you let it slide, deciding to humor him anyway. it concerns you a little how you are up for whatever seokmin plans, too weak to say no to him, but you quickly erase this thought from your mind in favor of concentrating on the game. it makes your heart race a little, no matter how much you want to deny it; this proximity to seokmin makes you a bit giddy inside. 'ready?' you ask, carefully putting one end of the straw in your mouth.
seokmin swallows, staring up at you. maybe it was a bad idea - how he is supposed to keep his cool when you're this close? but there's no stepping back now, so he nods and lightly bites another end of the straw with his teeth, looking up at you. it's only the beginning but he can literally feel sweat running down his temple, because you are right there, so close, he can just take two big bites and your lips will touch. there's a hope in him, burning low somewhere in his heart that his feelings are not unrequited. that sometime between you two laughing so hard that your tummies hurt and deep conversations in hushed voices that felt too intimate for just friends - he just hopes that somewhere between those times you also fell for him.
'seokkie!' you grumble indignantly, when he takes a huge bite, instantly coming up super close to you. 'ugh.'
without thinking, you aso take a big bite just to piss him off but when your noses almost touch, you halt in surprise. you try to gauge seokmin's reaction, but his face gives nothing away; his big chocolate eyes are trained on you with such intensity that you're scared to move, intuitively understanding that pulling back right now will ruin something unspoken. carefully, not taking his eyes off you, seokmin takes a small bite, cutting short distance between you two to the point that one more move and your lips will touch. you are frozen, heart also stopped beating while mind is running frantically - what to do? but seokmin solves this puzzle for you - he leans in, takes one more bite and connects your mouths together. it's not a full kiss, but it's a not a simple peck either, you both pull back to actually chew and swallow strawberry bites and-
seokmin's hand on the back of your neck is heavy and warm. hedraws you back with a gentle force, making it clear that you can easily free yourself but also making it clear that this is not what he wants. 'tell me i'm not wrong or crazy,' he whispers, bringing your foreheads together. 'i- i just can't-' he takes a deep breath before opening his eyes and looking at you. the amount of hope and longing in his gaze shakes you to the core. 'can i kiss you? for real?'
you have no idea how you're still standing because your heart gave up long time ago. you nod and your heart starts beating again when seokmin's lips touch yours - hesitantly, at first. but then diving in deeper, more confidently, drawing out sounds from you that surprise you both. when you lean back, he keeps you two so close that you wonder if he can hear how loudly your heart is beating.
'i like you,' seokmin lets out. 'in case it wasn't clear.'
you giggle at this. 'it's mutual, seokkie.'
he sighs in relief, hugging you tight. seokmin fears that this is all a dream and when he wakes up, it will all be gone. so while you can't see, he pinches himself lightly and hugs you even tighter when he realizes that you did not disappear.
'i owe you guys.' seokmin says, looking seriously at the pack of pepero. 'thanks.'
you slap his chest, laughing. 'we both owe them!'
a/n: oh to play pepero with lee seokmin :((( hopefully you liked it, let me know! - nini
my other seventeen works are here
#seventeen imagine#seventeen fluff#seventeen x reader#lee seokmin#lee seokmin fluff#seventeen seokmin#seokmin x reader#seokmin fluff#svt dk#svt seokmin#svt lee seokmin#seokmin imagine#lee seokmin imagine#lee seokmin x reader#seventeen dk#svt dk x reader#dokeyom#seventeen dokyeom
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𝐔𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃 | kaiser x reader
— part twelve
plot: kaiser comforted you after a bad and slow breakup, but what will happen now considering what you two shared? is everything still unexpected or is there something you both simply have yet to realize?. fluff shit 'cause yeah!!
words: 3.2k (3203)
extra: it will probably become a multi part story, tell me if you're interested in a part thirteen!
𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; take a look, trust me!. you can find the other parts of the story by searching in the section dedicated to bllk
If revenge took so much time, you weren't sure you wanted to take revenge against Gabriel and possibly Ursula. You had been spending all your time calculating your ex's steps in great detail for a month now, trying to find the tip of the iceberg that hid a world of mistakes underneath; but you couldn't find this tip, and you were starting to lose hope. You knew for a fact that Gabriel had a lot of secrets that the more hidden the worse they were, but you couldn't figure out where to start to unmask these secrets of his. You can't help but admit that he's a smart person, and he's definitely trying to use this potential to hide all his mistakes
After that night, Kaiser had decided to take his vacation early to enjoy some time with you, and in his humble opinion you yourself needed your boyfriend to work better and send Gabriel to hell. It was Kaiser's cute way of saying he wanted to be around you, you knew, but it made you laugh to imagine him as if he were at home planning some sort of murder with his soccer ball. Besides, since you had that hysterical crying fit, you had never found yourself without breakfast ready in the morning and someone to take you to and from work. Some paparazzi had intercepted Michael in the car, but so far you were not in any other current scandal. If they had started something you would have simply shut everyone, the media and the entire world, with yet another excuse
You pick up the phone, retrieving it after hours in the hands of the stylists, who have used your body for at least four consecutive hours with the clothes of the next fashion show. Today in the agency there are few models, you and a few others scattered throughout the entire building; Ursula should be in her office and there is no trace of Gabriel since this morning. It's a pretty boring day, the next show is still far away and many prefer to stay home and come in the afternoon, if they have to. You could have stayed in the arms of your beloved boyfriend in your soft and warm bed, but if you really want to find out something about Gabriel you have to be around all the time
And if that means wasting hours you could spend with Kaiser, you'll do it for now. You sighs, checking messages you've received
mihya ♡
— Return home at least for lunch is not an idea, right? — 12:08
— I take that as a no, schatz — 13:10
you — I was busy, sorry love — 13:20
— I had guessed it. But for dinner I want to order from that french food shop that disgusts you, so be ready — 13:21
you — Obviously I'll eat before I return home, disgusting boyfriend — 13:21
— You are hurting me badly. You might not find your favorite socks when you get home — 13:22
you — MICHEAL KAISER TOUCH THOSE SOCKS AND I SWEAR TO GO BACK TO ITALY, I SWEAR — 13:23
— You're always so sweet, schatz. Any news on your evil plan of destruction? — 13:23
you — None other than I'm thinking of giving up. That bastard seems to have everything hidden so perfectly, my god. I thought I had learned to read he at least a little after years, but apparently not. I'm thinking of just making up something far away that he might have done and making it the news of the century. It looks cool — 13:25
— You could say he cheated on you, manipulated you, maybe even slapped you once, and you wouldn't even be lying — 13:26
you — I don't know whether to be amused by the fact that you're absolutely right or to feel stupid for letting him act like that — 13:27
— The one that make you feel better, or the one that make you come home to me now — 13:27
you — Mihya :(( — 13:28
— Shall I pick you up then? — 13:29
As you are about to write 'yes' to Kaiser you notice someone passing by you, proceeding towards his destination with a certain hurry. You look up, noticing that that someone is Gabriel, who strangely did not bother you as he usually does. His face is a bit worried, and his pace is hurried as he begins to climb the steps that lead directly to Ursula's office. He has a folder in his hand, from witch a sheet of paper accidentally slips out, ending up on the steps
You put your phone in your pocket, making a mental note to answer your boyfriend. You walk a few meters away from Gabriel, who disappears from your life as soon as he passes the highest staircase. You run to the place where the paper fell, pick it up and sit for a moment on a nearby step, taking a long sigh. The last time you had to deal with secret papers you almost risked ending your friendship with Kaiser, but in the end the result is having him as a boyfriend. Will it bring you luck this time or not? You ask yourself this because, deep down, you know that this paper is important, maybe really important. You yake a little preparatory sigh as you begin to observe
The sheet is presented with simple data about the models and their paychecks. For some more information are written, such as their age and how long they have been working for the agency, but reading it you cannot find your name. You reread the paper several times, but you can't find yours. Why, even though you work here, you are not on the list of models?. You search for the name of some model you are more or less friends with, and at the bottom of the description of one you find a somewhat strange sentence
"Alleged friend of X. Seen with her more than a few times, probably they have an informal relationship. Seems to know about X's situation, possible collaborator. She might ask for a raise, a higher position at the next fashion show, or a transfer to another agency"
You reread the sentence several times, not fully understanding it. What should she be a collaborator for?. Also, she's a model who's been in the agency for a short time, and you're the only one she has any sort of relationship with. You'd like to avoid thinking about it, but you think X is a code name they gave you, for who knows what reason. You turn the sheet over, and in the white part you find a small erased note, still half legible
"She simply asked for a pay rise and more vacation days during the christmas period. She will provide information via messages during the day. X should have told her about deleted and maybe some details about her old deleted"
The girl in question then spoke, but on what topic? If it's really you X, you've never told this girl anything personal, except some old stories from when you were in other agencies, but those have nothing really important. Did she lie?. You get up from the step, walking towards Ursula's office with a cautious step, hoping not to find anyone on your way. Arriving in front of the door you look from inside the crack to see if there is anyone, but you are surprised to see absolutely no one and to find the door open, which is strange considering that Ursula is very reserved. You inadvertently find yourself opening the door, being careful not to let anyone nearby see you. You look in the office, but while you are looking on her desk you hear voices, two that you recognize well, talking; you think they are coming from the corridor, but when you check you don't find anyone. You go back into the office, and noticing the door of the personal bathroom slightly open you are convinced that the voices are coming from there. Cautiously you hide behind the wall that separates the bathroom from the office, trying to figure out why they are in the bathroom and why they are Gabriel and Ursula in question. Maybe you have seriously found the last thing you needed to unmask Gabriel, or at least you hope
"So?"
"You saw the papers I gave you, right? She has few relationships here, with the other models. The only one who agreed to talk said she'll call me tonight or send me messages, but I don't know why I can't find the paper where I wrote it... maybe it stayed at my house. I don't really care, I just need to know that I'll finally have some material in my hands"
"And will it be enough?"
"I suppose so, after all the media doesn't take much to ruin a person, and she's not in such a good situation already. Give me a week and you'll get what you want too"
"I've been waiting for two years, Gabriel. I'm fed up, if it doesn't work this time I'll do it my way, and you know my methods aren't exactly legal"
"Trust me, you'll get what you want and I'll get what I need. I just need to get those messages tonight and by tomorrow you can already say you're her"
"Now I really like the way you talk"
"Maybe you already love me but you don't want to admit it"
"Let's go step by step, I'll think about that later"
"Do as you wish, darling. Just think that from tomorrow Y/n will no longer be her but you will be her. The dream you have been living for will finally come true, and that slut will end up in some forgotten place. No longer the stylist, but now the model, my dear Ursula"
You are petrified, hearing their words. Even without knowing the situation, you already know that those two are doing everything they can to get you down once and for all, probably using something much more powerful than scandal.
"No longer the stylist, but now the model. And you, dear Gabriel, no longer the founder, but the general boss"
You pick up your phone, going to Kaiser chat to start a voice message. You need to record, you know you need to if you want to get out clean off this situation. You're ignoring the tremors that are plaguing you, because now you really need to concentrate, it's for your final win
"Anyway, I really don't believe it took two whole years to get to this point. On the one hand, I'm also sorry I treated her like that, it wasn't that bad... she's nice, more or less. But if treating her this way means I get where I want to go I don't care, or maybe I never really cared about her"
"Two years because, I don't know how, she withstood the scandal. I suspected she would swallow it completely, but evidently she still has some tricks up her sleeve. Then I can't imagine what's going on between her and her fucking best friend, the famous soccer player I mean, Kaiser Micheal. Will they fuck?"
"Maybe yes, maybe no. I honestly don't know if she hasn't let anyone else touch her after me yet"
Oh well Gabriel, you have pretty high hopes. You and Kaiser had fucked a few hours after you broke up, let's say you hadn't wasted any time
"You're just a junkie, Gabriel. You ruined that poor girl for your own interests!"
"Are you speaking, Ursula? Destroying someone who has never done anything to you is not exactly good behavior, dear. Being obsessed with the idea of Y/n just because she is actually a successful model, something you couldn't become, is a bit of bad behavior... you even went so far as to ask her beloved boyfriend for help"
"And you destroyed her to become the boss of the TraumLaufsteg, silly"
You've had enough, you get up and leave the office in a hurry, running as fast as you can towards your dressing room. Everything is so damn clear to you, finally something has formed with a logical thread, and damn, this time you even have the proof. You don't know how for two years you didn't notice anything, but finally everything is clearer to you; you won, really won. You arrive in your dressing room, closing the door behind you as you rush to the couch, once again taking up the chat with Kaiser where your most precious evidence rests. You sigh deeply, listening to the audio of less than 5 minutes, where Gabriel basically unmasks himself together with Ursula. You notice that Micheal has viewed the message, and because of the emotion you can't even write, so you opt for a voice message
"Mihya... we'll talk about it at home. But trust me, trust me, this time I've really won, this time I can make him look like a monster, this time I can seriously-" you say excitedly, but you turn when you hear footsteps in the hallway that you would recognize anywhere. The door to the room opens, and the smiling figure of Gabriel makes your blood run cold "Am I disturbing you?" he say "What the fuck are you doing here?" you say, getting up from the couch, and he shrugs "Nothing big. I just think you listened to too much" he says, as if he hadn't just dropped a bomb. He saw you, you don't know how, but he saw you. But this time it won't be a problem to be there, this time you decided that he won't hurt you "I heard, oh yes I heard, you piece of shit" you say taking a few steps forward "How good, my sweet Y/n. She still knows how to spy and listen" he say giving a small laugh, but grabbing your chin "So, what would you like to do? Who would believe the naive girl who everyone believes betrayed the genius of Italian fashion? Do you really think your opinion counts so much compared to mine?" he asks, mixing seriousness with a hint of sarcasm. You don't look down, but you suddenly have a little plan in mind, if everything is happening as you think "Gabriel... god, I hadn't thought of that. You're not entirely wrong" you say, faking a surprised and sorry tone, while you lower your gaze, as if you want to make him feel superior. He raises an eyebrow, smirking when he sees you so defeated, so naive and innocent "You see? You know it too"
Showing yourself weak might help the plan you just came up with. You hate to do it right now when you were showing yourself strong, but if the outcome is what you imagine, you have to do it
"And this time you want to send me down too. How did I not notice that..." you say mortified, and he seems to be convinced "You're so stupid, you don't act so strong when Kaiser's not around, right? Look, I guess you guys fuck, or maybe I don't even know, but I don't care. This time he's not around" he says smiling "And you are the umpteenth brainless and alone with a badly used potential. You could have remained silent in your place and lived at least another year without me having done anything to you, we would still be a couple and only then would I have spoken against you. And yet no, you acted like a bitch and unleashed a huge mess, coming here in Germany"
Gabriel continues, caressing your face "It was never my intention to hurt you, sweetie. The first year was beautiful between us, remember? We lived well in Milan and you paraded like a professional model, even though you had never been in the industry that much... good times. But then you found out about my first cheat, but you didn't leave, silly girl, because you loved me so much. And so, while you were growing in fame, I suddenly became 'Y/n's boyfriend' and no longer the fucking founder of the biggest Italian modeling agency of the moment, and it bothered me darling, it bothered me so fucking much, because I fucking created you. And so while I was looking for some German stylist to open a fashion agency in Germany I met Ursula, who coincidentally was so obsessed with you. She who has always walked the catwalk never got your fame, and she got fed up with creating clothes but not wearing them, and she wants to be you so much, amore mio. So while she became the boss of the TraumLaufsteg, keeping my identity a secret, I continued to cheat on you, and you always noticed everything, baby. The goal was to push you down as much as possible, I would become the official boss of the TraumLaufsteg, which I would later merge with my Italian agency, since Ursula would finally become a model and could give me the role. Because I depend on you, but you depend on me, slut. And if that meant making you the shittiest person in the world, painting you as a traitor, I would have done it. And I did, because I knew you would go down and I could finally take over as the boss of the TraumLaufsteg. And yet you got back up even after the scandal, and I don't know how"
Finally, everything is clearer to you. Gabriel's words come out like a raging river, and you don't know if you're still looking sad, because inside you're dying of happiness. You knew it was shit, you knew it damn well, and he admitted it. You loved a piece of shit that has now exposed itself, without him knowing it. You had been stupid, so damn stupid to let everything slide, but you finally had everything in your hands
"So you admit that you cheated on me...?" you ask sounding desperate, and he nods happily "More than you can imagine. You're gorgeous, I can't lie, but you're more type for a long term relationship, and in the fashion world relationships between people last as long as a fashion show. I've probably been with seven or eight different women... maybe a few more" he says thinking about it "And you painted me in front of the media as a monster" you say, returning to the main topic. He shrugs, sighing, "Give the media what they want, right? No one would ever imagine you would cheat on me, but remember, my opinion carries some weight. I've made up so much bullshit about you that I can't even remember anymore, but look where you are now... you're about to sink. And I love this thing"
You sigh, falling dramatically to the floor as you cover your face "I can’t believe this…" you say, but you’re hiding a laugh. It’s all working out, it’s all worked out, you’ve got it all. Gabriel chuckles softly, giving your hair a light caress before leaving the room "Sorry again, sweetie. Don’t make me feel too bad, good fall into hell"
He leaves, the room is finally empty and silent again. You stand up, moving towards the couch where the phone is still open, and the audio in Kaiser's chat is still recording, and Michael's online
You won. You fucking won
tag(s): @rroxii ; @kittenish0 ; @bungoustraydogsno1fan ; @sabrina-senpai ; @vannilaa16 ; @kaz-0e (if you want to be tagged tell me!)
#blue lock#bllk x reader#bllk x female reader#bllk x y/n#bllk x you#bllk#blue lock x female reader#blue lock x reader#blue lock x y/n#bluelock x you#bluelock x reader#blue lock x you#bluelock manga#blue lock anime#bllk manga#bllk anime#blue lock kaiser#bllk kaiser#micheal kaiser#kaiser michael#kaiser x reader#michael kaiser#kaiser x you#kaiser x y/n#micheal kaiser x reader#blue lock michael kaiser#blue lock manga#bllk michael kaiser#kaiser blue lock#kaiser bllk
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Attuned
Sho always knows when something is wrong.
✧ PAIRING: Haizono Shohei x Reader
✦ CONTENT: Gender-neutral reader; established relationship, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort. Sho is a bit of a tsun. 0,6k words
✧ A/N: He's really growing on me. // reblogs and comments are always appreciated!!
cross-posted on AO3 | divider by cafekitsune
You weren’t responding to his texts.
Where could they be…?
Sho stared at the open conversation on his phone with pursed lips, the little delivered message ticking him off more than he’d expected. You were normally quick to reply, having never ever left him hanging, so the fact that you weren’t even looking at your phone was highly unusual. He’d never say this to you out loud, not in a million years, but he was worried about you.
“What a pain,” he grumbled offhandedly, pushing himself off of the couch.
Leo looked up from his phone with his eyebrows raised, curious. “What’s up with you?”
“Nothing to do with you.”
A mischievous grin came to Leo’s features. “Lover’s quarrel?”
“Fuck off.”
“Have fun!” he called out smugly as Sho made his way out of the Vagastrom dorm, making sure to raise the middle finger at his friend one last time before he left. He’s been with you long enough to recognise some of your patterns.
Comes with loving someone, dumbass, as he had said to you before.
His current objective was obvious: find you and figure out what was wrong. Darkwick Academy’s campus was massive, which meant the search would take more effort than usual. Not to mention how chilly it was outside. He could practically feel the tick mark appearing on his temple as he realised how low the chances of you bringing along a jacket were.
Way to worry him even more.
He started at Frostheim. It didn’t prove quite helpful. Fuji might as well have been in tears when he heard that you weren’t responding to messages. Luca was willing to help search for you, but something in his gut told him that he needed to do this alone. Why would you need a guy other than him to take care of you? It didn’t make sense.
The Pit was completely out of the question. You’d never venture in there by yourself, not with how much you disliked the atmosphere and the crowd there. Jabberwock was his next destination, but its cheeky captain said he hasn’t seen you around, so that was another thing crossed out on the list.
By the time he found you, it was nearly evening, and it was on a park bench near the academy’s main building. A complaint rested at the tip of his tongue, ready to nag you, but it died as soon as he got a clearer view of you. You were hugging your knees close to your chest and staring off into space, rocking yourself back and forth. Sho relaxed just the slightest before taking a seat next to you, unable to hold back the relieved sigh from leaving his lips.
“I’ve been looking for you all day, y’know.”
You perked up, looking at him and giving him an awkward smile. “Sorry. It’s been a long day.”
“Who was it? I’ll beat ‘em up.”
You chuckled softly. “It’s not that. I’m just… not feeling great.”
“It’s cold out. You’re gonna get sick,” he said, frowning at the sight of you wearing a simple blouse without a jacket on. Without much thought, he shrugged off his jacket and placed it over your shoulders, giving your arms a warm squeeze. You looked up at him with surprise before breaking into a genuine smile this time, eyes twinkling with joy.
“You were worried about me?” You sounded so hopeful and so… cute that it made him want to pinch your cheek in retaliation. He didn’t know why you were always so surprised that he cared about you. He was your boyfriend for a reason. “I’m sorry for the trouble, Sho. I just didn’t want to bother you.”
“How many times do I have to tell you I like it when you bother me?” he retorted, wrapping his arm around your waist. “Dummy.”
You wrapped his jacket tighter around your body, the smile not once leaving your face. “You’re a total softie, aren’t ya?”
“Shut up.” He rolled his eyes in mock annoyance but still pulled you closer. You could tease him all you want. At least you were smiling now.
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I would like to clarify something:
My point was never that Chisaki didn’t do anything wrong, that he was innocent, or justified in any of the things he did. He’s horrible. He’s a horrible man who did horrible things.
My point was that he’s not actually any worse than the League of Villains, and that a lot of the fandom doesn’t bother properly understanding his character. So many people will say that he’s pure evil and that he was just born that way, when that’s… blatantly untrue? He clearly is a product of the environments he grew up in. You cannot convince me he would have turned out the same person had he had a different, better upbringing.
I’ve seen many people say that Chisaki is the exact same as AFO and Endeavor, while loving Shigaraki and saying he deserved better. Which is interesting, considering Chisaki is also canonically a victim of AFO, and as for with Endeavor, I’d say there’s quite a few pretty fundamental differences between the two:
One: Chisaki’s goals were not entirely for himself and his own prosperity and wants.
Two: Chisaki didn’t enter into an arranged marriage where he forced his wife to have multiple kids for the sake of his goal. It was not premeditated. Eri was dropped in his lap, and he made a plan based off of that.
Three: Chisaki was raised in the yakuza. Before Chisaki was in the yakuza, he was in one of AFO/Garaki’s orphanages, where it’s implied he was experimented on. His outlook on life, the world at large, and violence is going to naturally be extremely different from Endeavor’s due to how he was raised. Endeavor seems to have been born in a relatively regular civilian or hero family.
Four: Chisaki is half the age of Endeavor.
And I hope I don’t have to explain why Chisaki is not the same as AFO.
It’s shown that Chisaki is capable of love and care. The problem is that he never learned how to properly show those things. He never learned about the inherent value of human lives—he believes that being alive is something you must prove yourself worthy of.
Nemoto used his truth quirk on Chisaki, and Chisaki’s true feelings were that he likes Nemoto and finds his presence reassuring. Yet he doesn’t spare a second thought before killing him and fusing with him. He doesn’t exactly hesitate to put Pops into a coma, the person who he treasures most. It seems that Chisaki doesn’t equate caring about someone with not hurting them.
He doesn’t hold grudges. He doesn’t blame anyone but himself for the destruction of the Shie Hassaikai. He doesn’t care to go after Midoriya or the LOV for revenge. He seems to think violence is something expected, that it’s a given. That someone hurting you isn’t something to be mad about. People like to wave around Chisaki’s whole shtick of dehumanizing people and thinking of them as pawns, but they don’t realize that he doesn’t exclude himself from that. Yes, he likely believes himself to be the queen, but still ultimately a chess piece.
Chisaki isn’t a sadist. He’s never a jackass for the sake of being a jackass. We only “see” him smile once and firstly, we don’t even get to actually see it because it’s covered by his mask, and secondly, it’s a fake smile to try to throw Midoriya and Mirio off his trail. Yet I see people make him smile and revel in other people’s pain all the time, make him an asshole who likes tormenting people for the sake of it. That’s not Chisaki.
Chisaki is not worse than Dabi or Shigaraki. Chisaki is not “completely different” from them and ten times more evil. He is the same; he thinks how he does because of how he was brought up. He would’ve been different if his childhood was different. He is not less deserving of rehabilitation than the LOV.
Anyway. This is getting longer than I intended, so I’m just gonna cut it off there.
#bnha#chisaki kai#overhaul#mha#kai chisaki#mha endeavor#todoroki enji#league of villains#first rant/ramble of 2025 let’s gooo
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Second Best- Jungkook (part 8 )
Summary:��Being friends with someone who has your heart it’s already hard, let alone when that special someone ends up falling in love with your best friend, the one you think would never make anything to hurt you . Will you be able to ignore it and move on? what will happen when everything gets too much for you to handle?
Genre: Friends to lovers; angst; body insecurities; bullying; friend betrayel;
Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader
Wordcount: 5.781
Author's note: It took me a lot but here it is. Got so many blocks writting this and I'm not satified with it. It doesn't matter how many time I write and rewrite it, it feels like it's never good enough but I tried my best so please go easy on me. Hope you like it and let me know if you want a next chapter or not. Also: I'm sorry for any mistakes
Love you loads <3
When Y/n woke up the next morning she could swear her head was gonna fall off. It was one of those headaches it makes you wanna clung onto the bedsheets and never leave ‘till the next day. Flashbacks of the night before went through her brain but she brushed them off. She wanted to enjoy the few days she had taken, yet she’s still thinking about the same. She thought she was doing a good job but Taehyung’s words didn’t really help too, she definitely was going to face Sewoon with all these facts. Y/n always chose kindness over anything else but would all of that have gotten her anywhere? Looking back, she had serious doubts about that.
Getting up from the bed and heading to the bathroom she notices everything is still very quiet which means Lisa is still asleep. Y/n wants to do something nice for her so she decides to make a huge breakfast once she knows that food is Lisa's undoing and starts preparing things without making too much noise (or at least trying to). Everything’s almost ready when Y/n listens to steps aproaching the kitchen/living room area as she pours some orange juice in Lisa’s cup saying good morning. Lisa looks at her and smiles, answering her back and sitting down.
“what’s all this?”
“It’s just a way to thank you for being such a great person to me. I know I've been hard to handle these last days but I want you to know that I truly feel grateful for everything you’ve done for me so far. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know how things would’ve ended up for me, I’d probably be crying in my room, thinking how much I suck because the guy I’m in love with doesn’t love me back”
“I told you Y/n, it’s completely fine. I always liked you. You bring such a positive vibe and you’re so kind and fun to be around. It’s good to be around you and if I can help you somehow I will.” A few minutes of silence passed until Lisa asked what she was dying to know. “Did you talk to him?” Y/n stops suddenly, swallows hard and shakes her head.
“No”
“care to explain why?”
“I’ve been thinking about your words and you’re right! I have to stop being a pussy and be real with myself and my feelings, not for others but for me. All this mess started because I'm always comparing myself to others all the time. I was so scared that Sewoon and Jungkook would meet and I was the bridge for them to start something. I allowed this. If only I wasn't so afraid and had more confidence in myself maybe it would be me in Sewoon's place and that kills me inside Lisa. For once in my life it would have been simple and sincere and I'm the only one to blame for this."
"What makes you think he was never interested in you Y/n? Because from what you told me it seemed to me that he was quite into you”
"He definitely wasn't Lisa, you're confusing things. He found my attitude towards him funny when we first met, I don't know. But he never showed any signs, he never said anything and I was afraid of destroying the friendship we were building by saying something. He even used to go on dates. At the end he would go to the coffee shop and we would talk about it and stuff.”
Lisa frowned “So he went on dates but never hooked up with them afterwards? a boy in his prime, with basic needs and would always come to you afterwards? You never found anything weird?”
“For what he told me he had just gotten out of a complicated relationship. I think he was more interested in meeting new people, go out for a bit, clear his head.”
“and come back to you in the end” Lisa mocks while Y/n throws a piece of bread at her, hitting her in the forehead. “Don’t be annoying”
“Y/n you may not understand much about boys but I do and that's not normal for someone who don't have feelings for you. At best, he would go home.” Y/n drank some of her juice. "stop it! if that was true he wouldn't have gone straight to my supposed best friend. Why would he do that if he was interested in me? The way he looked at her, how he said she was the best thing that ever happened to him and that he would never be able to love anyone the way he loves her. Not to mention what he did for Sewoon. She told me some things and all I could think about was how I wish it was me instead. I hoped it was me but I'm a coward, that's why I'm still here, 23 years old and a virgin. Even in that regard, Sewoon was lucky.” Y/n looks at her plate, trying to avoid eye contact with Lisa, knowing that would be enough to make her start crying but kept talking
“How she described the way he touched her, grabbed her, how he -- in short, everything. There was this one time she couldn't stop talking about how and where they did it so I invented that I was super busy and couldn't talk so she could leave and I could cry in peace. I swore never again.”
“After everything Tae told you do you still think things are as Sewoon says?” Y/n didn’t answer, instead she got up and started taking the dishes onto the table, washing them. Lisa got up too, leaving her plate in the sink "always listen to things with a hint of doubt but specially with your heart." Y/n decided to change the subject.
“What are we doing today?” Lisa laughed “let’s introduce you to this place the right way. See something else than snowboards” With this they got ready for the day. Lisa already knew the place with the palm of her hands so she knew what and where to go with Y/n.
Even tho her mind was still in another place she actually found herself enjoying their time there. She enjoyed it so much that she didn't even notice the days passing by until the day for them to leave had arrived. Although the first days were complicated now she didn't mind staying another day or two but there were things to fix that she was eager to mend and she wouldn't find the so needed peace she wanted until everything was cleared up.
On their last day there Lisa suggested to go for a hot chocolate where they found Tae and his friend once again. They saw each other a lot during their staying and ended up clearing everything up and agreed that Sewoon was a NO topic. That night they went to a club all together and Y/n remembers having so much fun and getting so drunk that she ended up on top of Tae's friend. (Not the way you guys are thinking, pervs ;)
Y/n already had too much to drink and once they were stepping out of the club she tripped and Tae's friend was there and tried to hold her only for Y/n to bring him down with her. All of them laughed and they even took a picture of them both on the floor in a suspicious position. She just hoped any of it would end up on social media, at least for now because she knew either Sewoon or Jungkook would see it, but of course things never go the way she wanted them too. On their way home Y/n got a notification on instagram saying Taehyung tagged her in a photo so she opened it and saw a set of pictures, the first being Y/n, Lisa, Tae and his friend with drinks on their hands and Tae's arm around Y/n's waist and the second just a photo of Y/n and Tae making a funny face among with other random pics with the caption “Glad to see an old flame again. Loved these days with the best people. Let's repeat it next year” Fuck
She still had two days before going back to work and a few hours' journey ahead of her and the last thing she wanted was to end these wonderful days in an anxiety attack at an airport far from home because of a set of pictures.
It was a peaceful trip, they both took the opportunity to sleep and rest during the flight since when they arrived they had a lot to do. Y/n agreed to move to Lisa's house just as she had proposed. One night before going to sleep she spoke with her landlord and canceled the lease so she had little time to organize her stuff and take them to Lisa's. As soon as the plane landed they looked at each other and smiled, grabbed their things and slowly walked out of the airport where Lisa's father was waiting for them. As soon as they got into the car, Lisa said
“I'm sad it's over but I'm happy we're getting home. I honestly love traveling but the moment I get to my space and make myself comfortable at home is always the best of all. Speaking of it, we still have to get your things. How about we go to my house, unpack, have lunch and then pack the rest of your stuff? Unless you're tired”
“I agree with you Liz, nothing feels better than the comfort of home, and yes, I was thinking the same. I still have two days before going back to work so I have to make the most of it. Right now, i just really want to eat I’m starving and I can’t function without food” They both laugh. Lisa asked her father to turn on the radio and as soon as he did, Tate mcrae's new song started to play. Needless to say they started singing with all their power until they arrived at Lisa's house. Y/n didn't remember having that much fun, not even with Sewoon and she had known her for years.
After arriving at the place, her father said goodbye to them and left their bags at the front door so they could unpack them. They decided to order Taco Bell and while they waited for food and for the washing machine to stop, they sat down on the sofa. Y/n was looking at her phone until she heard herself say
“I don’t know what to do” Lisa gets confused and kept her silence in order for Y/n to say something else, getting comfy on the couch. It took her a while to speak again.
“I- we got back to reality and I can't ignore the fact that I never spoke to Jungkook again ever since that day. It's making me nervous because my mind is racing 1000 percent, I mean, imagine he no longer wants to talk to me or listen to what I have to say.. In hindsight I should have said something to him but I was so hurt. Furthermore, I received a message from Sewoon asking what the hell I was doing with Tae without telling her. Let's just say it wasn’t a very nice message. What should I do Lisa?”
“First of all breath Y/n. Being like this won't get you anywhere. Second: I honestly think you should send a text to Jungkook, tell him that you need to talk to him and that you know that ignoring him wasn't the right choice but that there are a lot of things he doesn't know and that it's difficult to explain. Ask him to meet, preferably in a place other than your work because it will draw a lot of attention on you. You still have time to get back to work, make the most of it before - " Before Lisa finished, the washing machine was heard making its characteristic sound and Lisa apologized and said she'd be right back while Y/n continued sitting on the sofa looking stupidly at her phone. Lisa was right, she couldn’t drag this anymore.
“Hi Jungkook, how are you? I hope you’re doing well. I’m doing good. I know i probably kept you up at night, or maybe you didn’t even think of me but still I’m writting this to give you some heads up on why I disappeared the way I did. Truth is, I had a lot going on these last few months and I know that’s not an excuse and I was on the wrong for not replying to your texts but honestly I didn’t know what else to do. I was in a real mess. I still am and the way I thought it was possible to get out of this chaos inside my mind was to escape my reality and move away. I'm sorry, I know I should have said something but I'm ready to explain everything to you now, if you still want to.
I love you.”
During the rest of the day Lisa helped Y/n move her things to her new place. The fact that she didn’t have a lot of things made it easier. After that, they went grocery shopping and ended up passing by Y/n’s work and decided to walk in being greeted for her co-worker Sana
“Ohh well well well. Who do we have here? Good evening lady and welcome back! thought you’d never show your face around here again. I already miss you, how are you doing? And most importantly, when will you return? I'm so tired of putting up with the boss alone, everyday he gets more and more annoying” She says making Y/n and Lisa laugh.
“It’s been wonderful having some days to actually rest, sad to see it end” Yn says with a smile. “How’s it going around here?”
“Pretty much the same you know. Had your really hot friend coming over everyday at the same hour he used to come. I guess he didn’t believe me when I told him you took some days off. Weird you didn’t, you guys were so close and were together all the time I thought you’d end up together after he broke things off with Sewoon. The last time I saw him was two days ago with her actually. They came here together.” Y/n’s heart stopped for a second and she had a hard time breathing all of a sudden
“Together how?”
“Like I said they came in here together, sat at that table over there and chatted for a while. It was a very busy shift and I was alone here so I couldn’t see or hear a lot. When it calmed down I looked at them, Jungkook was holding her hand and saying something to her while she looked like she was crying or about to. Then I couldn't understand anything else because several customers came in at the same time. When I noticed, he was already coming to pay and Sewoon was at the entrance waiting for him. That day he didn't say anything, he looked somewhere behind me but didn't speak, he just smiled, paid and left but I couldn’t see if he went alone or with her. I’m sorry”
Of course this was going to happen, all she had to do was disappear for a few days and they wouldn't waste time getting on top of each other. She was so stupid. Was she really worthless? Lisa looked at her worriedly but didn't say anything, simply ordered two drinks while Y/n thanked her and looked out the window. If she had known, she would have enjoyed the trip even more without thinking about those two. She felt bad about leaving Jungkook in a vacuum and he was very much entertained. She always had a tiny bit of hope but what for? Sana had left to prepare their order when Lisa spoke
“Don't pay attention to it Y/n. It could be many things, you don't know. If he really was with her why was he always coming over and asking about you?”
“Because that’s what friends are supposed to do Lisa! They worry about each other, which makes sense given how I left the club that night and the fact that I didn't say anything to him in the following days made him think that something bad had happened to me. Everything friendship based.. Maybe that's why he didn't answer me, because he's with her. Sewoon must have shown him the photos we took with Tae on vacation. He was sure I was okay so he moved on with her, again.
Lisa didn't have the chance to say anything because their order was given to them and they said goodbye to Sana and made their way to the car. Lisa started driving and to get home they had to pass by Y/n's old house. As they approached the road Y/n saw someone she knew very well, Sewoon and next to her was Jungkook in front of her old appartment. As if they could see her, Y/n leaned as far back as she could against the seat.
""Lisa, for all that is most sacred to you, please don't stop here, don't look, don't do anything other than move as quickly as possible. Don’t ask me anything just go!"
Always the second, never the chosen, as always.
--------------------------------------------------------------
As they get to their now shared apartment Y/n tells Lisa that she's not hungry and if she doesn't mind she's going to rest because it was a very long day and that tomorrow is the last day and she wants to take the opportunity to organize the rest of her things and relax. Lisa says she doesn't mind at all, that she also feels the same and is going to rest, specially because the next day she has a last minute meeting.
Y/n tried to make Lisa not notice it but she's not stupid. As she drove past Y/n's old building she saw the silhouettes that bothered her so much and all she had to do was put two and two together upon seeing her reaction. The only thing she wanted was to park and give Sewoon a good slap and tell her everything she had been holding back so far.
After getting home both went to their rooms. Y/n couldn’t get any sleep. She tossed and turned but sleep was far away. Y/n looked at her phone and still no text or call from Jungkook. Why was she stupid and sent him a text? Clearly he wasn't worried at all, not even an "ok" he had responded. Suddenly she felt her eyes blurry and that was when she realized the tears rolling down her cheeks. She thought she was worth more, even if it was just in terms of friendship. After some time lost in her own thoughts, she decided to put on her headphones and try to get some sleep and managed to do so after a few hours.
The next day, when she woke up it felt like she had been hit by a bus. Lisa had also gone out to deal with some matters at work, at least she remembered mentioning something about it. Once alone, Y/n had decided to stay in bed. Honestly she wasn't in the mood to do anything else and wanted to take to relax since she was going back to work the next day. Willingness? none. It was going to be hard but the way things were going neither Jungkook nor Sewoon were going to show up there or so she thought.
The next day her alarm went off and Y/n got ready for the day. She was going to do a double shift today since Sana was off, so she was on her own. For some reason she was nervous, it seemed like it was her first day again so her anxiety was on the roof.
As incredible as it may seem, as soon as she arrived she saw her regular customers greeting her and telling her how much they missed her (most of them elderly people who used to frequent the shop even before she worked there and who had loved her since her first day) relaxed her immediately. Everything went very well. During her break Lisa went to see her and they chatted and drank coffee before going back to do the other part of the shift. Until then, everything was going perfectly. No sign of people she didn't want to see, she hadn't had any rude customers and her boss was in a very good mood. It was all too good to be true since luck is not something that goes on her side.
Y/n was getting ready to close the shop and at that point she was usually alone. She was putting the chairs on the table when she heard the entrance bell signal that someone else was there with her. When she turned to inform the customer that they were closed, she came across someone she didn't want or even expeected to see.
In front of her was Jungkook with wet hair and helmet in hand. He seemed agitated, confused and angry. Very angry. Y/n couldn't help but notice the dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't slept in days. She stopped on the spot, what would she say or do? They hadn't seen or spoken to each other for almost a week and the atmosphere was tense and she just wanted to disappear.
He looked at her with such an intense gaze that she had to turn away while saying "we are closed" and pretended to keep doing what she was doing.
"Really? After days of complete silence while i was worried sick about you. After leaving without any kind of warning? After that stupid fight on the club and sudden departure with someone that neither Sewoon nor I knew, that's all you have to tell me? we are closed? Are you for real?”
Y/n stopped doing what she was doing but kept her back to him. It’s a good thing he couldn't see her because her hands were like jelly, shaking so much that she thought she was going to faint right there, however continued to act tough and ignored him, took a deep breath and started walking to the counter until she felt a hand grab her arm.
“Y/n please stop shitting me. I’ve been going crazy these last few days because of you and you act like you don't care. I don't know what's worse, your attitude or the fact that I don't recognize you at all" and with these words Y/n turned around and looked at him with tears threatening to fall. She released herself from Jungkook's hand and turned completely towards him. She was on the verge of bursting.
“You. Out of all people YOU are the only one who can't say that. I did everything for you Jungkook. I was always there for you when you needed me, remember? I knew when you were good, when you were sad, when it wasn't the best time to talk and when you wanted to say something but didn't know how. You needed me and I was there but when it was the other way around, were you there for me? Did you care at all?” she sighed “All this because I didn't answer to some calls and texts from you? You were so worried about me that you were always tied to Sewoon, don't tell me you were also worried about me when you were inside her. Be honest Jungkook, you only remembered me when it suited you. Admit it, when it comes to me you don't think twice."
Jungkook didn't say anything, he looked at her as if she had just stuck a knife into him. He expected everything but this version of Y/n. He had noticed for some time she was different but he never asked her because he didn't want to bring up the subject that was bothering her hoping she’d be the one to open up to him yet it seems like it was a bad decision to wait. Maybe he should have talked to her when he noticed it, he knows he was stupid but he wasn't going to give in now. He was about to speak again when Y/n continued her speech.
“Things weren't supposed to be like this but everything is already ruined so what I'm about to say won't make a difference and honestly I'm tired of staying silent so as not to hurt other people and try to please them. That's why I'm in this shit right now, so here it goes.” Y/n looks him straight in the eyes and more tears run down her face, it's now or never.
“I’m in love with you Jungkook”
As soon as the words left her mouth, a sob came out as well. This is where it ends and she knows it. His expression changed from angry to pure shock. She knew him very well, but at this moment she couldn't read his thoughts, everything was so confusing, he seemed so confused and she didn't understand why. She was breaking and to avoid even more suffering said
“Please let's not talk about this anymore. Things are pretty obvious and we don't need to drag this out any further. I need to close this Jungkook, I'm tired and I need--"
“How long Y/n? How long have you felt this way?” Jungkook's look was anything but disappointed. It was a look she couldn't decipher and she also didn't know if she wanted to. Y/n looked down and replied
“ A few months after we met and started hanging out more” Jungkook turned around and placed his elbows on the counter and his hands resting on his head.
“And you never thought to tell me? Don't you think that would be a good thing to do?” he sounded so mad. “All this time you had feelings for me and you never said anything, never showed any signs and now I'm the bad guy for moving on with my life? And why you’re talking about Sewoon? We broke things off a long time ago and you know it. You were there!”
“Ohh please Jungkook, anything but that. I'm not blaming you for anything, in fact, I even supported you, remember ? it was ME who introduced you to Sewoon because YOU wanted me to! Even if I told you earlier what would change? Every time you came to me it was either because you just had a dinner date or someone had asked for your number. You love to say I'm always on your mind, I guess that I wasn’t on it those nights. I'm just the girl you would share things with and ask for advice, you don't have to be very smart to see that.”
“Is that why you left without saying anything?” Y/n looked at him and when he saw that he wasn't getting a response, he went to her and got so close that she could see all the moles on his face, some that she hadn't even realized he had.
“Y/n answer me. It's the least I deserve.” Even though there was some distance between them, Y/n felt trapped so she decided to move away a little, hitting her back on the counter.
“Yes. After our conversation at the club and the way I saw you look at Sewoon I realized that there was no chance for me, not that I didn't already know, but I got the confirmation that day and the way you were more interested in going to her than hearing me confirmed my guesses once again, yet it was when you went to her and you kissed in the middle of all those people that my heart was left in pieces. I looked at you and instead of being happy that my best friend was back with the girl he's in love with, I just wished it was me in her place. I had to get out of there before everyone saw me break." Y/n cleaned some tears that were running down
"In Sewoon's eyes I'm already pathetic, but in yours? I preferred to die than to know you had that image of me. I went to the bathroom and that's when I met a friend from school, we ended up talking and exchanging contacts. She asked me if I wanted a ride and I took the opportunity to leave, that's when you found me. That night I spent at her house and she made me an offer and invited me to go traveling with her. For my mental health I accepted and only God knows what it cost me not to have said anything to you and I'm really sorry for that, I know it wasn't the right thing to do, but Jungkook you didn't care either because when I texted you back you never answered me. You can't judge my actions after having done the same thing.”
“You could never be pathetic y/n. I've always said how much I admire the way you are and I keep praising that, I would never get that impression of you. I know you went on a trip with Lisa and two other boys, Sewoon had shown me pictures of you, that's why I don't understand Y/n, none of this adds up. And I never received any text from you because unlike you, every day I checked if you had come to work, if you sent anything or if Sewoon knew anything about you. That's the reason I was with Sewoon a lot more these last few days. It's sad that I only found out that you were back because I saw your friend here yesterday, I recognized her from those photos, so I went to her and asked her about you. She told me you were coming back to work today and to show up around this time because you'd be alone. I was crazy looking for you, wondering if you were in a dead end, that's when Sewoon called me saying you were okay, hanging with some guys you probably met there. She also sent me the pictures, that's when I calmed down.”
Y/n didn't know which part made her more shocked, if the fact that Lisa spoke to Jungkook or knowing Sewoon sent the photos to him and omitted the fact that they both know the boy in question.
"Oh my god. After all this time Sewoon is still keeping you in the dark. Well just so you know the guy who posted the pictures is Sewoons ex-boyfriend, the one she left you for. Remember when she broke up with you? Yeah it was because of him. There are definitely things you should clarify with her, as she changes everything that corresponds to reality. Things that don't concern me at all and to be honest I'm tired of this conversation, it doesn't matter anymore. Things happened and it's ove, so if you don't mind it was a complicated day --” She didn't expect Jungkook to get so close to her but the truth is that they were centimeters away from each other and that was making her even more nervous and uncomfortable. She tried to get around him but he put his arms on either side of Y/n's body, trapping her there.
"Did it work? Did you forget about me there? Did any of those guys help you forget me?” Y/n had no response, she was completely surrendered to looking between his eyes and lips. She wasn't brave enough to grab him and kiss him, specially since he was still fooling around with Sewoon or so she thought, even tho the denied it. Still she wouldn't feel good doing that even if Sewoon hadn't been the best friend, so she did what she does best, avoided the interaction.
“"I had fun and regardless of things I don't owe you any kind of explanation. I finally learned my lesson and you're not the exception, Jungkook. You're the rule and I don't give second chances to get me hurt, not even to you. I don't want to continue in this agony every time I see you and ask myself why others and not me? It took me a long time to get there but I finally managed to understand that as long as I don't like and accept myself as I am, neither will others and for that reason I ask you not to come here again. This is a closed subject and one that I want to bury.”
“We’re not done having this conversation Y/n, I have to tell you some-”
“Yes we are Jungkook, don’t you get it? I just told you I’m in love with you. My best friend who’s in love with my other best friend, who's still into her ex boyfriend. Did you even hear what I said about Sewoon?"
" I don't care about Sewoon,Y/n. Don't you fucking get it? All this time the only person on my mind was you. I tried really hard not to call you because why would I need to know where you were or who you were with. In your eyes I dated your best friend but in my eyes the only thing that connected me to her was you."
"Lisa has been fixing something she didn’t break because of how weak I was to stand for myself. I’m tired of being this innocent and naive girl everyone can step on. I'm not blaming you Jungkook, you didn't know and things turned out this way and it's okay. It's over and I think it's the best for you and me. I’ll be here if you need something but right now I don’t want to be around you. I need to fix myself before being there for you or Sewoon again and if you really care about me you’ll respect that”
“Y/n, you're not understanding I--"
“Please Jungkook, just go. Let me do this for me and maybe we can talk about this in the future and laugh about it.” He didn't say anything else, he swallowed hard, shook his head, picked up his helmet and left, slamming the door loudly and that's when y/n collapsed.
"I love you Jungkook. I love you so much but I can't be your second option." Y/n said as she slid down the wall, succumbing to the pain of something she never had.
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tags: @esposadomd @joonlover1207 @eegyo @furrywonderlandwolf @minghaosimp @differentrunawayperson @nikkinikj @jksusawife @jk97bam @cryingoverpixelsetc @bhonbhon @lostinneocity @almostpurplelady @meowforluv @imagine-this-motherfucker @jk-190811 @cryingoverpixelsetc @11thenightwemet11 @rinkud @ayatie97 @jk-190811 @shaku1995
#jungkook#angst#jungkook imagines#bts#imagines#jungkook angst#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#fluff#kpop angst#bts angst#jeon jungkook
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the siren and the sun (ace x reader) [pt2]
a/n: i have been very obsessed with Ace recently :0c anyways here’s part 2!
contents: brief mentions of death, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, pining!Ace, kidnapping (+ rescue), allusions to human trafficking
wc. 3.3k
wanna be on my taglist?
part 1
i.
you’d entered the forest hoping to die.
only a week had passed since your parents set sail on the open seas, claiming their yearning for adventure was far too strong to ignore any longer. we’d bring you with us but you’re too young,” they said but even at the young age of eleven you knew they were more than happy to leave you behind.
the air was fresh–much fresher than the usual stink of the Grey Terminal–and dotted rays of sunlight shone through the thick canopy of leaves above. you could hear the faint running of water and feel the breeze brushing past your skin.
it was a pleasant experience but you still wished to die.
instead, you came face-to-face with a boy who had large round eyes and a straw hat atop his head.
you’re gently woken up from your sleep by the feeling of your mattress dipping and the sound of sheets rustling. the room is still dark, only barely illuminated by the moonlight shining through your window, and yet it doesn’t take much effort to recognise the culprit.
Ace crawls across the length of your mattress, tossing your blanket out of his way as he moves. his hair is tousled and his signature orange hat is nowhere to be found. once he’s close enough, he slumps forward and spreads his arms out–one of which plops right across your chest.
“y’know they’re just gonna drag you out again, right?” you mumble, shifting slightly to lay on your side to face the boy whose face is now planted downward on one of your pillows. Ace mutters something you can’t quite make out as he hooks his arm around you to pull you closer before his muscles visibly relax, preparing for sleep.
you learned the boy’s name was Luffy and that his caregiver had a habit of adopting stray children. upon sharing with your new friend your desire to no longer be alive, he’d simply called you silly and lent you his straw hat. you kept it on your head as he held your hand and led you deeper into the forest.
Luffy spoke the entire trip to Dadan’s house and had practically shared his entire life story by the time you reached the cabin. you didn’t share anything about yourself, content with simply listening.
Dadan yelled at Luffy for bringing home another random kid but stopped once she laid her eyes on you. though she maintained her scowl and crossed arms, you could tell she wasn’t truly as angry as she was pretending to be.
“whatever,” she said with a nonchalant wave of her hand, “stay if you want. you can’t possibly be as troublesome as Ace and Luffy are anyway.”
that night, without saying a word, she handed you a fresh set of clothes and a sleeping mat and pillow.
you listen as Ace’s breathing slows down and evens out. as usual, he’s out cold within the span of several seconds. you’d love to go back to sleep yourself but if the past week has taught you anything, you know someone else is about to show up in just a few more seconds.
right on cue, your bedroom door slams open and there stands a bleary-eyed Marco in his pajamas.
“how many times do we have to do this before you stop?” he groans as he shuffles over to the side of the bed where Ace is sleeping. the older man grabs Ace by the collar of his shirt–much like a mother cat would pick up their cub by the scruff of their neck–and yanks him off the bed.
“let go of me, you fuck!” Ace yells a split second after he’s startled awake. through half-lidded eyes, you watch him struggle to break out of Marco’s iron-grip as he’s pulled across your room like a sack of potatoes towards your open door.
“Ace can sleep with me, Marco, it’s alright,” you say, already missing the warmth, but all the first division commander does is shrug.
“Pops’ orders. ‘night, (Y/N),” Marco yawns before he shuts your door, completely unbothered by the young man wriggling in an almost feral manner. he swings his flaming fists around threateningly but makes no actual attempt to start a fight.
you can’t help but drift off to sleep with a smile on your face and a funny tingling feeling deep in your chest at the thought of Ace’s desperation to sleep simply beside you.
Ace hated you the moment he laid his eyes on you. though he kept it to himself, not wanting to ruin Luffy’s fun of having a new friend, he despised your presence. no matter how he tried to look at the situation, he couldn’t help but feel as though you were trying to be Sabo’s replacement.
he hated how you tried to keep talking to him every day, gradually growing more bold over time despite his repeated rejection.
he hated how Luffy loved swinging through the trees with you (he’d invited Ace before but the older boy called it childish and dumb).
he hated how you actually listened to Dadan and helped out with household chores.
he hated how you were so clumsy and awkward whenever Luffy invited you to explore the forest with them.
he especially hated how you never cried even after falling down or spraining an ankle.
“let’s go fishing, Ace,” you chirped one day with a wide smile on your face. there was a bruise on your forehead from the day before when you tripped over a root. the boy merely scoffed and turned away, already feeling the burning in his chest that manifested everytime you tried to spend time with him.
“yea, let’s fish!” Luffy cheered, grabbing both your hands before taking off towards the nearest river. Ace didn’t fight it, telling himself he relented just because he didn’t want to disappoint Luffy.
if his younger brother wanted so badly for you to join then so be it. Ace didn’t care.
it didn’t take much time before Ace realised he did kind of care–but only because for some reason you were so much better at fishing than he was and Luffy thought that was super cool.
he gritted his teeth and stewed in his anger for a while longer, determined to keep his rising frustration under control but your laughter intermingling with Luffy’s just pissed him off. if looks could kill, you would’ve dropped dead from his glaring ages ago.
“you’re so fun, (Y/N)!” Luffy giggled and something inexplicable within Ace snapped.
before he knew it, he’d snatched your fishing pole out of your hands and broke it in half before tossing it into the river. ignoring his younger brother’s pleas for him to calm down and be nice to you, Ace grabbed your shoulder and pushed you towards the cold running water. as you stumbled backwards, your ankle collided with something hard causing you to fall. you yelped from the shock and pain as you felt your clothes get soaked with freezing river water.
Ace’s anger had mostly dissipated by then, only to be replaced swiftly by a deep sense of guilt. it felt like cold, frigid fingers were gripping his heart and squeezing with all their might. he could hear Luffy yelling at him but everything sounded muffled except for one thing: your crying.
ii.
there’s a bet amongst the commanders on how many attempts on Whitebeard’s life will it take for Ace to finally give up and join the crew.
it’s only been a little over a week since your reunion but most of the commanders have already lost since they made their bets assuming Ace was a sane person. the only three left in the game are Marco, Jozu and Vista–though, judging by the ruckus coming from inside Whitebeard’s room, you suspect Jozu might be out soon.
the newly-replaced door flies straight off its hinges and into the ocean as Ace is once again thrown out of the room, his back slamming into the deck railing with a sickening thud. breathless, he lays on the ground for a few minutes, completely ignored by passers-by–at this point, it’s just another Thursday afternoon.
“hey,” you call out from where you sit on the deck floor with a book in your hands, just a few metres away. you can’t help but smile when you see how he perks up almost instantaneously. getting on his hands and knees, Ace shuffles over until he’s sitting right beside you, his thigh pressing against yours.
you were avoiding him and a part of him wished he didn’t know why. if he was in the dark, he could at least default to being angry but it was hard to ignore the guilt nagging at his brain whenever he saw the way you limped or the bruise that had blossomed on your shoulder.
Luffy had been mad at him, too, for the rest of the day for hurting his new friend. he’d only warmed back up to his older brother after nightfall when the two spoke in uncharacteristically hushed tones under the blanket. Ace wasn’t afraid to admit he’d done something wrong and that he felt bad about it, he just didn’t really know what to do next.
“how’s killing Pops’ going?” you ask, setting the book aside on the floor before you reach out to brush some stray strands of hair out of his face. he always looks so messy after trying to kill your captain, it’s endearing only because you know it’s probably the one thing he’ll never succeed in.
“not great, clearly,” he sighs as he leans against you while absentmindedly playing with the hem of your shorts. “i knew it wasn’t going to be easy but not this hard… why don’t we just leave together? we can find my old crew and you can be my second first mate.”
you chuckle at his offer. “i didn’t know it was possible for you to become even more stubborn than when you were a kid.” Ace’s pout grows deeper so you decide to appease him by combing your fingers through his hair–a habit you picked back up pretty quick after reuniting with him, much to his visible pleasure. “you already know i’m never leaving this crew. they’re my family.”
“i thought i was your family?” he replies, though he knows deep in his heart that’s not the most accurate word he’d use to describe your relationship–even back when you were children.
Makino was surprised to see a familiar face enter Partys Bar on a random Tuesday afternoon. thankfully, it was a slow day for business.
“how do i… say sorry to someone?” Ace asked, perched on one of the barstools with his eyes glued to his hands on his lap. Makino couldn’t help but smile at the innocence in his question.
“well, it depends,” she replied. “what did you do?”
“i hurt (Y/N). i got mad and pushed her and she fell.”
“did she do something to you?”
“... no.”
as much as she wanted to chide the boy for his actions, she could tell from the look on his face that he’d beat himself up over it more than enough already. besides, he came asking for help righting the wrong, who was she to deny such a request?
that night, Ace ran back to Dadan’s cabin with a handful of wildflowers clutched carefully in his hand. his heart pounded not only from the running but from the sheer nerves of what he was about to do. he rehearsed the words he practiced with Makino in his head over and over until he was certain he could recite them in his sleep.
when he’d finally reached his destination, though, he was greeted by a panicked Dogra and Magra.
“(Y/N)’s been taken. Dadan and Luffy went looking for her!”
“of course you’re my family,” you tell Ace as you continue to scratch his scalp, chuckling when you see his eyes flutter close as he leans into your touch. “you know you’ll always be my best friend.” he ignores the sudden pang in his chest. “i just owe too much to Pops and the others. i know they won’t stop me if i try to leave but i’ve found my place here. this could be your place, too, y’know?”
Ace doesn’t reply but he doesn’t reject the idea entirely either like he would’ve done a week ago.
iii.
Ace is startled awake when he hears the sound of the door creaking open. setting his hand ablaze on instinct, he readies himself for a fight. ‘this is it,’ he thinks to himself, ‘the cards are off the table now. i knew the Whitebeard pirates were just putting up a front to get my guard down.’
“chill out, dude,” your voice floats across the room in a frantic whisper as you quietly close the door behind you. “it’s just me.” the flames engulfing his hand disappear instantly as he feels his initial apprehension melt into relief.
“what’re you doing here?” Ace asks in his own whispered tone, scooting over to make space for you on the small bed he’d been given as Whitebeard’s ‘prisoner’. “won’t your Pops get mad?” he feels his face heat up as he watches you make yourself comfortable, eventually settling down with your face just mere inches away from his as you both lay on your sides.
“Pops’ll never get mad at me, i’m his darling daughter,” you reply half heartedly as you snuggle your face into his pillow. the action causes your loose shirt collar to slip off your shoulder enough to reveal a scar Ace hasn’t thought about in a long time.
without a second thought, he reaches out to trace his finger across the marred skin. it’s a jagged line from the base of the side of your neck, perpendicular to your collarbone, ending just a few centimetres below it. it’s a weird place for a scar but he knows it’s real: he was there to witness the injury that caused it.
he’d found you trapped in the arms of an unfamiliar man as he held a knife to your neck. Ace could see the sheen of sweat covering your skin as you trembled, your fingernails dug into your captor’s forearm in a futile attempt to make him let go.
“drop the knife, asshole,” Ace warned, pipe at the ready.
“fuck off, kid! she’s mine! i’m gonna get off this fucking island and bring this bitch to Sabaody.” he laughed in an almost manical manner. “if her limp’s permanent, it might reduce her value but i know the Celestial Dragons love pretty girls.”
you couldn’t help but let out a sob at the man’s crude words as well as the pain shooting through your re-twisted ankle. it was close to full recovering when you were snatched from the riverside where you sat earlier in the day, only to get hurt all over again in your struggle for freedom.
the sound of your cries set something in Ace’s chest ablaze as he felt rage cloud every thought in his mind other than one: save you. with gritted teeth and boiling blood pumping through his veins, Ace charged at your kidnapper and swung his pipe.
“that was a crazy day, huh?” you mumble, feeling goosebumps ripple across your skin as he continues to trace his index finger over your scar.
“if i wasn’t so reckless, you wouldn’t have been hurt.” he bites down on the inside of his cheek as a familiar wave of guilt washing over him. you sigh and grab the hand that’s touching your skin, maneuvering it so that your palm presses against his. through the darkness of the room, you can see him smile a little as he curls his fingers, interlocking them with your own. as you expect, his skin feels warm.
“technically, your recklessness saved me from a lifetime of being a Celestial Dragon’s pet,” you point out. “i don’t think he was prepared to fight off a feral child.”
“how dare you call me feral,” he laughs.
“you were super feral! both you and Luffy. i was the only sane one, just ask Dadan.”
“sure,” Ace replies with a roll of his eyes, dragging out the word in a playful manner.
“i really mean it, though. you saved my life that day, Ace.” you lower your interlocked hands to rest in between your faces on top of the pillow. “so you better stop getting all mopey whenever you see the scar.”
the man laid on the forest ground, beaten to a pulp. if it weren’t for the occasional rising of his chest, you would’ve thought he was dead. Ace heaved as he stood over the unconscious man, the pipe he used as a weapon now coated in blood and dented in several areas.
it had been a few minutes since the fight ended but the boy still breathed heavily and his hand still gripped the pipe in his hand so hard his knuckles were deathly pale.
“Ace?” you called out apprehensively from where you sat a few metres behind him, voice slightly hoarse from crying. you could see him tense up but he remained silent. “are you okay?”
the pipe fell to the ground with a muffled thud as he turned around, eyebrows still deeply furrowed. his eyes flickered to the hand you kept pressed against the junction between your shoulder and neck. without saying a word, he closed the gap between him and you before dropping to his knees.
“here,” Ace said, pulling out a handful of crumpled flowers. he held them up to you expectedly. “i’m sorry i hurt you the other day. i was mad at something else and took it out on you. please forgive me.”
dumbfounded, you found yourself staring at him for a few silent seconds. his lip was busted and his entire body was littered in little cuts and blossoming bruises. he’d nearly killed a man; and yet here he was.
Ace gulped when his apology went unacknowledged. he nearly even started to panic when he realised Makino hadn’t told him what to do if you chose to not forgive him.
thankfully, you reached out and took the flowers as a smile stretched across your teary face.
his heart, which had been calming down after the intense fight, revved back up again as he felt something burst in his chest. a strange tingling feeling spread across his entire body and suddenly all the pain from his injuries melted away. Ace felt a warmth envelop his face and he nearly covered his cheeks with his hands–stopping himself only because he knew it would make it too obvious.
you’d fallen asleep with your hand still in his. your face was so close to his own he could feel your gentle breaths brush across his face. although he himself feels the pull of sleep, he resists the urge for a little while more, needing time to gather his thoughts.
Ace thinks about his experience so far on the Moby Dick; how he’s been trying relentlessly to kill Whitebeard and yet everyone’s been treating him with such patience. hell, they’ve never threatened to slap sea prism stone cuffs on him even once.
he realises he’s already familiarised himself with some of the commanders, namely Marco and Thatch; and how even though he’s been acting like such a brat, the two older men have still been nothing but kind. as much as he hates that Marco takes up so much of your time, Ace can’t deny how much chemistry you have with the whole crew and how much they seem to love you so sincerely and unconditionally.
could i have that, too, one day?
he recalls something you said during a conversation earlier in the day.
“i’ve found my place here. this could be your place, too, y’know?”
and suddenly the answer seems so simple.
gen taglist: @irethepotato @i-reblog-fics-i-like @grierpilots @appalost @hyper-fic-ation @dressycobra7 @38lyra38 @chaseyui @paraparakisss
series taglist: @captainportgasdace @mitskisaveme @graveyardsweethearts @vaniiiavengeance @stuckinmymind22
#one piece#one piece x reader#one piece x yn#one piece x you#op x reader#op#portgas d ace#portgas d ace x reader#portgas ace x reader#portgas ace#imagine#fanfic#fluff#angst
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F o r g e t f u l 🎀 4 / 4
After enduring a rather rough impact play scene, you find out that Mistress also has a soft side, and a soft body and other soft parts that you seemingly can't get enough of.
a dominant woman X a submissive girl with a memory problem
WARNINGS: F!Reader-insert! NSFW! Explicit sexual content. Mistress/pet. Domme/sub. Manipulation. Gaslighting. Praise kink. Aftercare! Temperature play. Tribadism/scissoring. Cunnilingus. Squirting. Bondage. Impact play. Sex toys. (More tags on AO3.) WORDS: 5.4k
A/N: Here it is, the promised wlw smut, finally! But beware, it does end a little darker than I originally intended. Sometimes these things just happen. Oops.
1 🎀 2 🎀 3 🎀 4
You close your eyes, heaving a deep sigh of relief that rolls through your hurting body like a cold caress, and in the next moment, you feel hands on your wrists and ankles, removing the rigid leather cuffs that have surely cut into your skin with how much you've struggled against them.
The vertigo is still there, swirling through your head, but you only feel how bad it really is, when those hands pull you backwards and into a standing position. Not only do your legs feel like jello, boneless as you are, but as soon as your feet touch the cold concrete floor, you yelp and jump as a sharp pain crashes through you.
You stumble against something, someone, balancing on the balls of your feet to keep the contact of your hurting soles to the ground to a minimum. Blinking away tears, you look around, realizing you're clinging to Mistress, who watches you with her head tilted, one hand on your waist, the other in the air as she snaps her fingers at someone you can't see.
And suddenly you are being lifted when two strong hands grab your waist and fling you into someone's arms. It happens so fast, you can barely register the new position. Once you settle, your heart still pounding frantically and your breaths rattling out of your sore throat, you realize you're held by a large burly man. Heat flushes your face, your nostrils flaring as you try to breathe against the embarrassment.
The man doesn't really acknowledge you, his face a mask, no expression, eyes staring straight ahead. Somehow you get the impression he could be working as a bouncer or security guard. No matter the case, you feel tiny in his arms, and your nakedness really irks you now. It's one thing to be naked in front of Mistress or a bunch of random strangers whose faces you can't see, but being this close to a man, in your current state no less, makes you feel very uncomfortable.
You stare at your hands, trying to make yourself smaller, as he just holds you, one large hand on your lower back, the other under your knees, your body pliant enough to just rest against his broad chest. You hear Mistress' voice, giving hushed orders to her assistants, while you keep fidgeting with your fingers, your eyes glued to the long red welt on each palm and the irritated skin around your wrists. You poke at it to distract yourself, relishing in the cold shudder crashing through you as you do.
“Bring her here.” The words barely register when the man who holds you starts moving, and you grab onto the front of his black suit jacket instinctively, a gasp on your lips as you look up, finding him watching you. You blink and lower your eyes again, letting go of him, an awkward little cough stuck in your throat. You don't even know why you're blushing this badly.
Luckily you don't have to find out when he eventually sets you down again, onto a soft surface that feels surprisingly cool against the warm skin of your bruised rear. You still flinch when the cold leather comes in contact with it, but you fight through the sensations, biting the inside of your cheek, hoping that if you won't fuss about this, they will forget about you and this may all be over soon. Wishful thinking...
Mistress comes into view, ordering the man and other people away, telling them to clean the scene and bring her some water. You watch her silently, as you slump down onto the couch, balancing sideways on your hip instead of your butt, your legs pulled up, your hands hugging them tightly to your chest. The pain becomes this low thumping in the back of your mind, still there, very much so, but slowly bleeding into something you could tolerate, you're sure. You have to, after all.
Closing your eyes to focus on the warmth of your skin instead, you seemingly drift off a little, because when you open your eyes again, your head is lying on someone's lap, a soft hand caressing your arm, another tangled in your hair. You turn slightly and look up, blushing deeply when you see Mistress smiling down at you. She keeps stroking you gently, and you settle into the affectionate touch, your eyes never leaving her beautiful face. It's oddly calming, even when she starts speaking in a low voice.
“I'm very pleased with you tonight, pet,” she says. “Our guests really like you. The turnout is impressive, isn't it? I've already seen some regulars.”
You blink at her words. Regulars? You've had the suspicion before, but this settles it. It's not the first time you've had to endure this. You stare at her, frowning, but she only smiles.
“They didn't even mind the little change of plans your stunt caused,” she adds, her fingers drawing circles on your cheek. “What happened, hm? You're usually so good with the dildo gag. I was surprised to see your gag reflex coming back. I thought we'd trained that away for good...”
You swallow hard at the mention of the thing you don't want to ever experience again, but her words create images in your head, of distant memories, and a shudder goes through your body as you remember the many times she forced the toy down your throat while you gagged and spluttered until one day you didn't anymore.
“You're a little out of it tonight, aren't you?” she keeps going, not waiting for any response. “But you really don't have to worry. I told you, you've done this before. So many times, I mean, look at all the pictures we created, baby,” she adds, raising her hand to wave at the large prints surrounding you.
You don't follow her gaze, you don't want to see a close-up of your stuffed cunt right now. You keep focusing on her. Her calling you something other than 'pet' makes you feel all warm inside, it's almost as if she's a different person when she calls you 'baby', it feels so much more intimate. You lean into it, snuggling against her soft thighs, a weak smile on your dry lips.
She looks back at you, a soft expression on her perfect face. Her hand returns to your head, her fingertips giving you a gentle squeeze that makes you sigh contently. “How do you feel?” she then asks, genuine concern in her dark eyes.
You consider the question. You're hurting, badly, the worst pain sits between your ass cheeks, and every time you clench your hole by accident, it stings and throbs painfully. Your cunt feels bruised and sore, and your rear, especially the left cheek, feels uncomfortably warm and tight from the many strikes whoever had control over the paddle gave you. The other bruises and welts don't feel as bad anymore, but overall, yes, you are hurting, but...
You also felt really good for a while, when those orgasms crashed through you, so intense the sheer memory of it makes you shiver deeply. It's a strange thing. And with your mind going in and out of memories, when most of the time you wonder why you're here and what is happening, and you keep telling yourself that you don't want to do these things, you also realize, deep down, that you, for one, have no other choice, and two, agreed to this, at a point in your life that you can't remember, but you know you have.
Mistress wouldn't force you to do this, right? She seems so sincere in the moments when she's consoling you, that's not fake, there really is something between you that you wish you could remember more of. Though even when you can't see it clearly, you feel it's there, and that's a relief between all the rough things she does to you, makes you do. And you know: you want this, you want to please this woman, you'd do anything for her, it feels right.
“I...” you start, your voice still raw and hoarse. “I'm okay,” you tell her, and her smile widens, her hand cupping your cheek.
“I knew you'd be. My good girl,” she whispers, and the praise flows through your body, warm and comforting, settling deep in your gut, soothing the aches in your abused core. “You're stronger than you think, baby. You can do this. You make me so proud.”
You give her a jerky nod, pressing your other cheek into her leg as you close your eyes for a moment. She lets you rest, continuing to caress your hair and arm, her touches warm and gentle. When she speaks again, her voice is slightly different, more detached, harder. “Sit up, pet.”
And despite the aches of your body, you do, sitting up on your knees, eyes fluttering open, facing her with an obedient shine in your eyes. She holds a cup of water with a straw towards you, and you take it carefully as you bring it to your lips and start sucking on it, the cold liquid filling your mouth and running down your throat when you swallow eagerly.
She watches you as you drink, and you can't look away either. Once the cup is empty, she nods to someone behind you and a pair of hands takes it away from you. Feeling strangely refreshed, you inhale deeply. Mistress pats her lap, eyeing you with a slight smirk. Your cheeks heat up as you crawl over her legs and settle on her thighs, ass up, chest pressed into the couch cushions as you rest your head on your folded arms. Somehow you knew to assume this position, as if you've done this many times before. You probably have.
You feel her hands sliding over your bare curves, teasing down your spine, a gentle pressure on your bruised rear, causing you to breathe harder. Someone approaches you to your right, a strange clinking sound echoing in your ears. You close your eyes and ignore it, relaxing into Mistress' warmth. Until it isn't anything but warm.
Something cold and hard presses between your shoulder blades, causing you to flinch. It's leaving a wet film on your warm skin, melting its way lower. Oh. An ice cube. After the initial shock, the sensation feels almost heavenly, cooling you and your tense nerves and the irritated skin instantly. A deep sigh escapes you as you melt into Mistress' lap like the ice melts on your body.
She drags cube after cube over your back, moves them over your spine, around the curves of your rear before she gathers a handful and slips them right between your tender ass cheeks. The sudden cold on your bruised rim makes you wince and jerk against her, but she presses her other hand on the backs of your thighs to hold you down. Her hand is just as cold as she gathers the cubes from where they are resting against your puffy pussy lips, and you almost wish she'd let them there, it feels too nice, such a contrast to the harsh treatment you've endured earlier.
But she seems to have something else in mind. The clinking sounds again, and you assume it's a bowl full of ice cubes. You expect more little ice balls on your skin, but instead you feel something harder and bigger press between your cheeks. A whine slips from your mouth when she nudges your bruised sphincter, followed by a choked cough as she pushes whatever she's holding into your hole, just for a few seconds before she retrieves it again, but it's enough to make your skin tingle somewhat pleasantly.
She repeats the motion a few times, soothing the burning in your ass, and you could swear you can hear a quiet sizzling noise, at least that's how it feels when she moves the icey object over your hot skin. Eventually she pulls it away and grabs something else, before she does the same thing to your warm cunt, this object is even bigger but equally as cold and soothing, and she dips it in, a few inches at first, never long enough for the ice to do any damage, before she pushes the thing in all the way, causing you to groan as it nudges against your sore muscles, but the cold sensation is like nothing you've ever felt before, it chills you from within, feels too good to be true.
“Push,” she tells you quietly, and even though you're confused by her command, your body reacts nonetheless, and you clench your muscles to push the object out again. She catches it and removes it fully, leaving you wishing she'd put it back in. “Good girl,” she whispers, rubbing your heated ass cheeks with her cold hand. Despite feeling empty and still quite warm, her praise and her soothing touches do help calm you down more and more.
You're almost drifting off now, relaxed as you are, but when she moves her fingers between your thighs and pokes at your entrance, your attention is back on her. She probes your hole for a moment, and with how cold her fingers are, your muscles tense around them, pulling together so hard it borders on painful, but before you can protest, she pulls them out again, caressing your outer lips gently.
“Nice and tight again, hm?” she muses softly. You squirm a little in response, burying your heated face in your folded arms. She laughs quietly. “Your body is a marvel, pet. Whatever I do to you, you always bounce right back. That's why I chose you, that's why you are perfect...”
“Thank you, Mistress,” you mumble, the words falling from your lips without much thought. It just feels right to say them.
Her hands leave you for a moment, before you feel them on your shoulders, gently but firmly pulling you up. She then pushes you back towards the other side of the couch and crawls right over you, her hands tangling in your hair, her elbows next to your shoulders, as you lie beneath her, immobile, blinking up at her, and not even the pressure of your bruised skin against the cushions can distract you from the growing throbbing inside your core.
She shifts on top of you and nudges your legs apart before she lies down between them, the soft fabric of her dress pressing into your heated crotch. A strangled moan escapes you that makes her smile down at you. “Grab my ass, pet,” she whispers, holding your gaze, and your hands move, a tremble in them but you still do as you're told, fingers scraping over her hips before you curl them around her rear. “Good, now squeeze, show me how much you need me...”
Your mouth feels dry, your heart thundering in your chest, and your hands grab and squeeze, feeling her soft but firm flesh, and as you do her dress rides up more and more until you feel her skin against your fingertips. She grinds her pelvis into yours, pushing against your hands, and when your fingers wander, dipping between her ass cheeks, she throws her head back and moans loudly. Her reaction makes you gasp and you want to pull your hands back, but she suddenly cups your face and leans closer, her nose brushing against yours.
“Keep your hands on me,” she orders, and you do, firmly holding her glutes, fingertips teasing between them, as she keeps bucking against you, and the friction feels so good, your clit throbbing and pulsing against her dress, a new wave of arousal crashing through you so intensely, you can't help but moan too. Her full lips pull into a smirk, and a second later, she presses them to yours, kissing you deeply, swallowing the gasps and whines as you both continue to grind against the other.
In your frenzy to feel her closer to you, you lift your shaking legs and hook your feet around her thighs, pulling her closer. For a moment she lets you, too distracted by how your tongues move against each other, before she lets out a low groan and buries her face in the crook of your neck, her hot breath ghosting your skin. Your chest rises and falls rapidly against hers, the heat building up between the two of you making you wish she'd bring the ice dildo back.
She leans away eventually, propped on her arms, eyes hooded and dark as she stares down at you, while you just lie there, pushed into the couch, still holding her ass. Her fingers find your wrists as she pulls your hands back, only to put them on her chest. She doesn't have to say anything as you start groping her beautiful breasts through the fabric of her dress, firm and heavy in your grasp, while she hooks one hand under your leg and lifts it up until it rests on her shoulder. Shifting slightly, she turns your hip and pushes her dress up more (and you realize she's not wearing any panties). Now your crotches align perfectly, skin on warm skin, and she wastes no time to start rubbing them together.
Little moans escape you, your fingers digging deeper into her soft flesh, holding on for dear life, as she grinds against you, holding onto your leg for leverage, her full lips parted, her eyes never leaving yours. The sensation feels as foreign as it feels familiar, and hazy memories flood your mind, of endless hours of being entangled like this, of growing heat and deep trembles, of a passion you wish you'd remember more clearly.
You realize this is more than being her muse and guinea-pig, her pet and plaything, you feel it as warm as the tension settling in your stomach: you care about this woman. And despite her rough demeanor, her intimidating presence, she cares about you too. You see it on her pretty face as she watches you, with her lips parted and eyes trained on you, as she clings to your leg and grinds faster and harder, her moans melting into yours, and it's all that matters.
It's just the two of you, alone on that couch, and you forget about the large photographs on the walls around you, about the TVs still blaring echoes of past moans as she stuffs you full of various objects, about the people standing in the shadows, watching you. In the back of your mind, you are aware of all that, but you don't care anymore. It's you and her, grinding your slick slits together, riding the high that builds and builds, as you lose yourself in the other's touch and warmth.
Your eyes roll back, your hands falling limply to your sides, leaving her breasts untouched, as you drift into that sparkling void, where lights flicker like fireflies, a blissful experience among all the other things you had to endure. You buck against her and she jerks against you, one hand tight around your thigh while her other hand suddenly finds your throat. You gasp, eyes fluttering back open, black spots dancing at the edge of your vision as she pushes you into the couch, the collar tight beneath her palm, her grip unrelenting.
Choked wails escape you as she leans over you, her body undulating over yours, her pace unbroken, as she stares down at you, baring her teeth, her nostrils flaring as she chases that high you've been on for herself. Your hands move blindly until you find her bare thigh, and you rub it as best as you can, kneading her soft flesh, trying to meet her relentless rhythm.
She growls from behind her teeth, rubbing harder and faster, and the friction feels so good you can barely think, barely breathe. It's all a blur, and when it suddenly stops as she pushes back and away from you, you whine in frustration, but only for so long before gasps and yelps escape you as she rams her fingers into your pulsing pussy.
It only takes her a few hard plunges before you arch your back and hips off the couch, crying out loudly as you come around her fingers, your wetness leaving you in twitching squirts that coat the front of her dress – not that you would have noticed or minded in that moment as your eyes roll back for good and you collapse into the cushions, boneless again, satisfied, too blissed out to care about anything anymore.
You barely notice how she climbs off you, how you're being pulled further down the couch, until you do notice how she sits down on your chest, her wet crotch rubbing over your breasts before she scoots higher, and with a tight hand in your hair, she angles your head and presses your face right against her slick cunt, her clit throbbing against your nose. It's muscle memory at this point as you part your lips and give her slit a languid stroke of your tongue, her taste exploding in your mouth, further adding to the vertigo in your head.
She grinds her pelvis against your face, moaning above you, while you lap up her wetness, your tongue parting her labia before you press your mouth between them, sucking in a deep breath, her scent making you dizzy in the best way you've ever experienced. You keep licking, she keeps grinding, her noises growing louder, and as she rides your face, you fully lose yourself in the job she's given you. It's not a job though, it's a pleasure, your pleasure, and you feel your own pussy pulsing in response to eating hers.
Your tongue dips into her clenching hole then, her warmth overwhelming for a moment, the added weight of her body pushing her down further into your face leaving you breathless and lightheaded, but you lean into the sensation, licking and lapping and prodding and poking, tasting every inch of her that you can reach. Her hands dig into your hair, pulling roughly, her moans like a symphony in your ears. As she starts shaking on top of you, you move your lips slightly up, and when they close around her pulsing clit, you hear her howling while you suck and suck, pulling more of her soft flesh into your mouth, the tip of your tongue pressing against her sensitive bud without mercy.
It should feel like revenge, making her quake like that after she's done similar things to you for who knows how many times, but instead you feel pride, accomplishment, as you realize that it's your mouth that pushes her over the edge. And you keep at it, sucking and licking, kissing her lips as you'd kiss her mouth, sinking into the taste and scent of her, of your Mistress, and when she comes on top of you, she freezes, gripping your hair tightly, her pelvis pressed against your face, her body arching above you, her drawn-out moan causing deep shivers to crash through your own body.
She leans back a bit, breathing harder as she looks down at you, before she moves one hand to her clit and rubs herself, inches away from your drenched face, her eyes on you, and you stare back, mesmerized by the sight, even more so when she pushes two slender fingers into her winking hole, pumping hard and fast, and then she comes again, with another jerk that goes through her body, and this time she sprays you with jets of her sweet wetness. You close your eyes against the sensation, but keep your lips parted, letting her come all over your face.
“Look at me,” she breathes, voice rough and hoarse, her chest heaving, and you blink up at her, your eyelashes wet and clumped, but seeing her reddened face turning from hard and concentrated into a full-on smile that makes her eyes sparkle, you know that is all that matters. She wipes at your wet face, her thumb pressing into your mouth, and you suck on it instinctively, never looking away from her beautiful face. “Good girl,” she whispers.
Your cheeks heat up, first from the praise, then from the soft slap she gives you before she clambers off you, wiping her wet hands on your fluttering stomach. You watch her push her dress down over her round rear, her fingers tangling in her wild hair, as she goes back to being the dominating figure you know and fear, the business woman, the artist. Inhaling deeply, her chest rising enticingly, she turns away from you and faces the crowd that has gathers around the couch.
You try to focus on her, licking your lips, absentmindedly wiping at your face, not sure what to do with her slick (wondering if she'll be mad if you wipe it on the couch), but when she speaks, a familiar cold gathers in your guts that makes you pull your legs up as you curl into a ball on the soft cushions.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed this little extra performance,” she says, her voice steady again. “This is a night of surprises, after all. But don't worry, we will return to our scheduled event shortly. I hope you still have the toys my assistants provided you with? Yes, you can also keep your impact play items. The next round will be whatever you want it to be. I will prepare my pet and she will be yours to use however you desire. Five more minutes,” she ends with a soft laugh, nodding her head to the faceless people waiting in the shadows.
As she speaks, a new wave of dread crashes over you. As much as you enjoy being her personal plaything, making her come and coming with her, having strangers stuff you with various toys and being spanked again really doesn't sit right with you.
You're still staring at Mistress' back, when one of her assistants pulls you into a sitting position and wipes a wet cloth over your soiled face and chest. It's another girl with a vacant expression, and you wonder how she finds these people, how she found you, how she knew you were perfect for her schemes. In the end it doesn't matter, and you're being guided back to the x-shaped table.
Despite your aversion, you don't fight lying back down on it, you let them cuff your wrists and ankles again, staring up at the mirrored ceiling, letting it all happen. In your mind you go back to being close to Mistress, smelling and tasting her, feeling her skin against yours. It's enough to calm your nerves, at least a little, as she steps next to you with a smile that isn't as friendly or intimate, but calculating and dark.
Her hand finds your face, patting it gently, as she leans down a little. “Be a good girl now,” she tells you. “Let these people have their fun. Don't fight it. Remember, your body is a marvel, it can take whatever will be given to you. Do you understand?”
You nod. “Yes, Mistress,” you whisper back.
“No gag this time, baby,” she adds, brushing her thumb over your bottom lip. “I want to capture your beautiful voice. Will you scream for me, pet?”
You swallow hard, your chest rising and falling faster. “Yes...” you gasp out as she slaps your cheek. “Mistress,” you add, feeling your eyes water under the sting of her smack. She stares at you, then slaps you again. You cry out, trying to turn your head away, but she grabs your throat, pressing your collar against your windpipe. A gurgle makes it past your trembling lips.
“Yes, you'll scream for me, for all of us. I know you will, and you can. Use your pretty voice, my pretty girl,” she coos darkly. “You are mine to do whatever I want with, right? Are you, pet?”
You nod frantically, opening your mouth but no words come out. She's content with your reaction though. Smiling, she loosens her grip and leans back up, caressing your warm cheek with the back of her finger.
You're breathing harder as you watch her step away, grabbing her camera and motioning to one of her assistants who's holding a slightly larger camera that is already pointed at your face. “Capture every little whine and wail, will you?” The girl nods, a stoic face, no reaction whatsoever while you're starting to panic in your restraints.
Trying to calm yourself by forcing your rapid breaths through your nose, you dare to look around, noticing many men and women standing around the table you're tied to. They are holding various sex toys, dildos of all shapes and sizes, other phallic looking objects, mostly vibrators that are already buzzing in their hands, other turn ball shaped items between their fingers, small ones to fist-sized ones, and then there are those holding floggers and whips, paddles and canes, and a croaked whimper escapes you at the sight and memory of what those have done to you before.
You stare back up at the ceiling, knowing you can't escape, knowing you'll have to endure another round of this humiliation, but you also know you will be pushed into the blissful void again, if you just allow it, and you have the certainty that you've done this before, many times, that your body can handle it. You may not remember it, but the evidence is there, along with Mistress' words of reassurance, and that is enough to prepare yourself when the first flogger strike hits your thigh, the soft leather bands fanning out over your skin.
You cry out nonetheless, squeezing your eyes shut and struggling in your cuffs, but you tell yourself this is nothing, just a warm up, and as more blows hit your skin, warming it up, you force yourself to merely flinch. They hit your legs, your stomach, your mound and your chest, the blood rushing to the surface, throbbing slightly, but it is indeed nothing compared to the first cane hit to your left breast that leaves your head spinning and your lungs aching as a high-pitched scream rips from your throat.
There's another to your right breast, just inches away from your hard nipple, that forces a similar reaction out of you. The pain stings and pulses, shooting directly into your still swollen clit. When the canes are gone, you feel gloved hands rubbing over your skin, teasing your bruised breasts, others poking at your cunt, parting your puffy lips before they dip into your clenching hole, one finger, two, three, but before they can fist you again, you feel the first object pushing between your tense muscles.
You groan, thrashing your head back, kicking your legs helplessly as it pushes deep and deeper, poking your cervix with precision. You don't care what it is, it's long and girthy, and you know they are probably bigger things coming. It doesn't matter. It's only the beginning.
This is your fate, and as you give into it, you revel in the sensations growing inside your body, the tension, the heat building up, as you moan and whimper, wail and whine, every deep plunge causing you to cry out as a sharp pain makes your thighs twitch. They keep assaulting you with their toys and gadgets, and you let them, you tell yourself that you let them even though you don't have any other choice. It doesn't matter. You're doing this for her.
And she's right there, holding her camera to her eye as she clicks away, capturing your vulnerable moments, creating new memories you will find one day, like you did with the others, and you will wonder how those came to be. And as history repeats itself, you will end on the conclusion that this is what you do. You are her muse, her pet, the woman she chose to have by her side, to share with others, to portray. And you take pride in it.
No humiliation, no embarrassment. This is not to degrade you, it's to honor you. She said you're beautiful, she praised you, you're her good girl, her pretty girl, and you sink into those words as other things sink into you, as your screams pass your dry lips and as the pain shoots through your nerves. This stunning woman chose you, and you'd be a fool to deny her.
Because you'd do absolutely anything for her. Even sacrificing your own body.
1 🎀 2 🎀 3 🎀 4
End notes: This concludes my little adventure into the world of wlw smut (and even darker BDSM stuff, hm). As this was my first attempt, I hope I could somehow make it enjoyable despite the dark themes.
As of right now, I have yet another idea that includes Mistress, though this time, it'll feature a dominant man and a dominant woman, both taking care of a clueless Reader. I guess that one is for my bisexual readers out there! (I seem to keep inspiring myself with these stories...) Stay tuned!
Anyway, thank you so much for reading! I'd love to know what you thought about this! See you soon with more depraved little smut stories that probably focus on some sort of BDSM again. Bye for now!
MASTERLIST // AO3 // ORIGINAL WORKS
#x reader#x reader smut#dead dove do not eat#dom/sub#fem domme#mistress and sub#praise k!nk#sapphic#lesbian#lesbian smut#f!reader#fem reader#female reader#reader insert#wlw#wlw smut#ao3 original work#original fiction#wonder woman smut#wonder woman x reader#diana prince smut#diana prince x reader#harley quinn smut#harley quinn x reader#queen maeve smut#queen maeve x reader#black widow smut#black widow x reader#natasha romanoff smut#natasha romanoff x reader
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MIS
SUMMARY: jayce talis x reader // your mother takes the brunt of the attack from jinx, causing your mother to pass from the wounds. her death leaves you grieving. once all your pain builds up and the pressure becomes too much to handle, you find yourself face-to-face with a panic attack. your boyfriend, jayce, stays with you throughout all your troubles and comforts you when you need him the most.
AUTHORS NOTE: hi! i hope you guys enjoy this oneshot, i felt in the mood to write some angst and comfort :) thanks for the request, sorry if you wanted me to write something more happy and fluffy. i haven’t had a panic attack so i don’t fully know what it’s like to have one, but i tried my best! this is 2.4k words
WARNINGS: not proofread, panic attack, death, grief, guilt, cussing, pet names
ASK: gurll i love this, for the next one can u please make it the other way around (jayce comforting reader) 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 i need jayce huggie toooo!!
the sky was dark, and the moon was an unusually deep shade of red. the bland sky didn’t stand out to you, opposite to how it would be filled with stars any other day. hot air filled your room, causing you to tug and pull at your tightly fitted clothes. you threw old clothes onto the ground, planning to give them to the undercity, where they lacked what you perceived as normal. you giggled at the thought of your younger sister, caitlyn, who thought she was sneaky bringing in a woman from zaun into her room, claiming she was only hurt.
your mother didn’t know about this, however. she didn’t have enough time in her schedule to know about caitlyn’s relationships, only you and jayce’s, as word spread quickly. you were pleased to know that she accepted the relationship once she sat the two of you down and asked about jayce’s intentions with you. she just wanted you to have a good partner, someone who could live up to the kiramman expectations and life. knowing jayce ever since he was young, she immediately knew you were a perfect match.
when you were young, she wasn’t as busy being a councilor as she is now. you used to tell caitlyn about how mom used to be fun, and she would always laugh at the stories in disbelief. sometimes, she would flat-out tell you you were lying, like when your mom had enough time to teach you how to shoot targets. as she became older, her time with you became shorter and shorter, and caitlyn hardly knew her mother.
but even as you were scavenging through your dresser and walk-in closet, a sinking feeling weighed you down. something was off, something felt wrong, unusual. you rubbed your eyes, hoping you were just imagining when you saw a bright blue light shine through the sky like a shooting star. the sound of it flying through the air reminded you of fireworks before they explode. you tilted your head in curiosity. you had never seen a shooting star before—
suddenly, a loud sound erupted in your ears, causing you to duck and cover your head. you panted, whimpering as you had no idea what had just happened. you slowly raised your head from the ground, glancing around your room to see if any damage had been done. when you stood back on your feet, you glanced outside the window to see a huge hole in the administrative building where meetings were held.
fuck, that’s where jayce and mom were.
your eyes widened in terror as you immediately pushed your double doors open and down a flight of stairs. alarms began to alert the city of piltover, and screams and crying from citizens made your blood run cold. your legs ached from running, panting as your lungs burned with pain, unable to catch a breath. once you ran to the top floor of the administrative building, you slammed open the partially broken doors.
heart racing, you paused in your tracks once jayce carried viktor in his arms, with tears filling his eyes. your heart raced, and your throat tightened, you managed to ask, “where is my mother? mom? mom—“ as you walked around, searching for bodies covered in rubble, dark blue hair and short pink hair caught your eye.
you were about to walk over to them, but you staggered as smoke filled your throat, causing you to cough. before you could pause, a large, warm, and familiar hand laid on your shoulder. there, your boyfriend stood with ash on his face, and an almost dead man in his arms, his best friend. he cupped your face with one hand and stared at you, “hey— hey, we’re both alright, that’s— that’s good—”he tried to lighten the mood by chuckling. he then continued, even as his fake smile didn’t reach his eyes, “i need to help viktor—“
you interrupted, “jay, it’s okay, go, i think i see my mother—” you gazed into his glossy eyes, his lip trembled with fear.
you placed your shaky hand on his cheek and gave him a quick kiss. as you gently patted his cheek, he mumbled, “promise you’ll stay safe for me.” while looking into your equally terrified eyes.
you responded, “i will.” and with that, he ran to the science lab to supposedly heal viktor. you then ran over to the dark blue hair, assuming it was your sister. she turned around and hugged you without uttering a word. you gripped her back just as tightly, and the pink-haired zaunite stared at your mother with sorrow. her face was covered in ashes, and bricks left bruises and blood-stained clothes. you pressed your finger up to the side of her neck. once you felt nothing, you checked her wrist.
she didn’t have a pulse.
your breathing sped up, but your world slowed down as if it paused. your body felt numb, and your hearing drained from your ears. a hand squeezed your shoulder, the hand of your sister, trying to shake you back into reality. shutting your eyes for a moment, you tried to imagine anything but her lifeless body in front of you. the woman who lived her life saving and protecting others, the one who watched you grow up, the one who carried you for nine months, was now dead.
it seemed unreal to think about.
but you opened your eyes and imagined it was someone else in front of you, someone with less of an impact on your life. you slowly stood up and stared at your mother’s closed eyes and scarred face. you then turned your back on her and brought your eyes up to the two women in front of you. you mumbled, “we need a medic.”
the next few months after your mother’s death were a living hell. although it was sweet to see children placing flowers near your mother’s grave, honoring her dedication to the city, you hadn’t been in a healthy mental state. normally, things came easy to you. however, for the past few months, all you had heard from others were condolences for the death of your mother. you tried to act as if you weren’t bothered by it at all, and to continue your everyday life. that’s what your mom would’ve wanted you to do, anyway.
but as you were walking to your residence with jayce after spending time with one another at a restaurant, a news reporter came up to you. the man attracted many other reporters to huddle up in front of you, almost barricading you into the wall. you shuttered at the lack of space, and reporters yelled and stuck microphones and cameras into your face.
one asked, “miss kiramman, do you have any plans on becoming the leader of the kiramman house anytime soon?” as if it wasn’t a sensitive question, relating to your mom’s passing.
you frowned as another question followed, “how has your mother’s death affected you?”
“will you join the council to replace your mother’s spot?”
tears began to spring in your eyes as you backed up, becoming closer and closer to the wall. yet, the reporters wouldn’t stop asking questions and entrapped you, all around you, unable to move. suddenly your boyfriend loudly announced, “that is enough. go along with your day and leave.” his eyebrows were furrowed with concentration and he balled his fists up.
one of the reporters interjected, “mr. talis, all we want is to ask miss kiramman a couple questions—“
he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, then glared at the man. he suddenly understood and nodded, appearing embarrassed. they all followed after the man, who ran away once he saw councilor medarda, who wandered around the streets with her companion, lest.
jayce gently rubbed your shoulder with his large hand and mumbled, “sorry you had to see that. are you okay?” he knew you didn’t like talking about her death often, as it was recent and it’s all anyone would bother you about. however, when he saw your glossy eyes and your hands wiping them, he knew something was wrong. you hadn’t normally acted like this around him, nevertheless anyone.
you slightly nodded, just enough for jayce to see. you lowered your head, not wanting to be noticed by anyone else as jayce held the door open for you. a lock clicked behind you, and you traveled up the flight of stairs to your room. your heart pounded as you were reminded of the night when you saw your mother’s lifeless body on the ground, feeling like your heart was going to jump out of your chest. too much heat was in the room, maybe you had to open the window. you quickly sprinted over to the window and opened it, still feeling so hot all over your body.
god, everything was too much. you whimpered as you felt liquid dripping down your cheeks, and your throat began to tighten up as if barbed wires wrapped themselves around your neck. you wiped your forehead with your sleeve, only to feel the warmth on the cloth from sweat. ringing filled your ears, causing you to ball your fists up as you sat on the ground, starting to hit your head to stop the ringing. unfortunately, you couldn’t stop the noise in your head.
you couldn’t hear anything, and your body became numb. as your throat continued to tighten, you rubbed your throat in pain, wanting to tell your mom that you were sorry. why the hell weren’t you there when she was dying? you could’ve prevented her death, couldn’t you? maybe you could’ve blocked her body with yours from the hit, then you would’ve taken most of the damage. it would’ve been better that way. she was more influential, more powerful, and more important than you. what would’ve happened if you were there to save her? would you be at dinner right now? would you be hugging her? telling her a stupid joke she always laughed at? would you be dead?
it pained you that there was no way to know what could’ve happened.
jayce heard sobs as he washed his hands in the bathroom, screams, even. his heart raced and he dried his hands, then he ran out of your large bathroom to see your head in your hands, hitting it with your fists as hard as you could. you were sobbing, “i’m sorry, mom, i’m sorry,” repeatedly, over and over on a loop. your body shook like you were the most delicate thing in the world, like you were about to break any second. your arms dripped with sweat, and you seemed to be dissociative, as you didn’t respond to his calls of your name.
he then realized they were common signs of a panic attack. must’ve been from all the reporters bugging you with their never-ending questions and from the passing of someone so important in your life. he didn’t know how to handle a situation like this, but he knew you needed someone to help you and ground you. he gently placed a hand on the crown of your head and rubbed it gently, as if you were a child. you slowly looked up at him, eyes and face all red from crying. you sniffled, mind still racing, as you tried to focus on the words that came out of his mouth, not recognizing the ones that came out of yours.
you were full-on sobbing, dry tears laid helplessly on your skin, waiting to be rehydrated with new ones. you closed your eyes and cradled yourself, still crying out, ‘i’m sorry,’ so jayce slowly wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you close, not knowing if he was doing the right thing. he asked, as he gave a kiss to your shoulder, “why are you sorry, sweetheart?” you unconsciously leaned into his warm frame, although you felt far too hot for your liking.
your wailing became quieter as you continued talking, listing all the reasons why you should’ve been the one who took the hit, you should’ve been better to her, you should’ve spent more time with her, and you should’ve been there before she died. he continued to ask you questions so you could open up about your feelings until your throat hurt from sobbing and talking for so long.
you leaned your head against him for a few minutes in silence, not wanting to say anything more. he rubbed your shoulder and turned, staring into your red eyes. you whimpered and wiped your eyes, staring up at him with a pout on your face. he softly smiled, then gently placed a hand on your wet cheek. he placed his lips against yours, the most intimate kiss you’ve shared. once the two of you pulled away, he helped you stand up, expecting to carry you to bed.
but to his surprise, you hugged him, causing him to stumble back with the amount of force you used. you mumbled into his chest, “i love you so much, jayce.” your voice was strained, using the rest of your words and power to thank him for his help and love.
he wrapped his strong arms around you and petted your hair, “i love you too.” he couldn’t have felt more affectionate or loving than now, and you felt the same. after a few minutes of staying in the hug, he slowly undressed you and changed you into more comfortable clothes. he carried you to your bed, then changed into his clothes that he kept in your drawers for when he stayed the night. he just changed into a pair of sweatpants, taking his shirt and everything else off.
turning the lights off, he walked over to you and pulled the sheets down, causing you to quickly huddle up to him and trap his leg with yours. you wrapped your arm around his waist, wanting to feel as close as you possibly could to him. as jayce’s breath began to even out, you knew he was the only one who could calm you down, bring you out of that headspace. he was nervous, he’d never comforted someone like that before, but his dedication and patience showed you he was the one for you.
#yukioos#x reader#jayce talis x reader#arcane jayce#jayce x reader#jayce arcane x reader#jayce arcane#league of legends jayce#jayce talis#jayce league of legends#jayce lol#arcane x you#arcane x reader#arcane#league of legends#lol#league of legends x reader#league of legends x you
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okay i would love to explore more of grace and sammy’s relationship!! i feel like her life is pretty testosterone filled so i’m sure samy always appreciated grace’s advice and support <3
HAHA “pretty testosterone filled” is soo funny but soo real poor girl didn’t know anything else but being around boys which is why she really loved having grace there in the summers and holidays :)
i feel like i don’t talk about their relationship as much so i’m glad someone brings it up!! she’s very big sister core, even to quinn and jack even though she was younger than them she still acted like an older sister to them which was always funny.
but yes!!! she definitely goes to grace for boy advice, talking about her first time ever with a guy when she was 16, advice about will, advice about college, etc. etc. (p.s. i’m going back to school soon 😔 so that’s why i’ve been posting so much and grinding these requests out bc i know i’m gonna be super busy when i start college again)
au masterlist
“so how’s that one guy..what’s his name? tyler?” grace asked the younger girl when it was just the two of them in the kitchen one morning because the boys went golfing.
samy flushed, “he’s good.”
“you’re blushing. it must be good,” the blonde teased when she saw samy’s pink cheeks. the brunette quickly brushed the comment off and shrugged.
“he’s nice and i like hanging out with him,” the girl said briefly.
“you guys have been hanging out a lot this summer..” grace wiggled her eyebrows to imply something that made the youngest hughes’ cheeks flush even more as she quickly hid her face.
“we just watch movies,” the girl mumbled.
“yeah, watch movies. i’ve definitely heard that one before,” grace couldn’t help but laugh because she’s used that so many times on her mom when she left to hang out with a boy.
“okay, we just make out and..sometimes we take our shirts off..and then sometimes he takes his pants off..ALL consensual of course,” samy’s blush burned to her ears talking about this in the open space of her kitchen where her parents could walk in at any second. grace quickly poked her arm though.
“okay, i see you. you’re getting in there,” grace grinned.
“ew, stop. do not say that to me,” the brunette cringed.
“okay, sorry, sorry. do you think you’ll take it to the next step?” grace genuinely wondered and samy shrugged. “i mean, i dunno.. maybe? i think we want to? i’ve just never..like..done that before,” the younger girl’s face burned again.
“that’s okay. the first time never has to be perfect. you just go with what you’re comfortable with and let the rest just kind of play out, you know?”
“what if hurts? or what if i bleed though?” the girl cringed again and ducked her head around looking for any indication that her mom was near.
“it’s relatively normal for it to hurt the first time, but once you get going the pleasure will kind of overtake the pain. if it keeps hurting though, don’t force yourself to keep going. bleeding is also normal too,” grace wasn’t a huge expert, but she knew a thing or two and hoped what she was telling samy was helpful.
“what was your first time like?” the younger girl’s couldn’t help but ask. she’d never ask her brothers any of this stuff, so she felt like having grace was her only chance to ask and asking her mom was just way out of the question.
“i was seventeen, so around your age. it was with that guy i was with, remember griffin?” samy nodded. “we were in his basement and we started making out and then we both were ready so..we just did it? it didn’t last that long, but we both enjoyed it,” grace explained.
“woah, griffin was your first time? i remember him. he was cool,” samy thought back to three years ago when griffin would be at thanksgiving and christmas.
“yeah, he was cool.”
“why’d you guys break up again?”
“we were just heading in different directions i guess and didn’t wanna hold each other back,” the older blonde shrugged some.
“would you ever think about..getting back together with him?” amicable breakups were always so hard sometimes.
“uh..i don’t know. i haven’t really talked to him awhile. plus, we’re talking about you, not me,” grace flushed and spun the conversation back to samy.
“i’m just scared i might regret having sex with him, but i really like him,” samy’s head fell into her hand and she sighed.
“well, don’t do anything that you aren’t 100% sure about. maybe just let things happen and if it starts happening and you don’t like it, you can always say no.”
“right, yeah. i guess that makes sense,” the brunette mumbled and grace reached forward to squeeze her arm.
“you’re so grown up, wow. i wish you were still six,” that made both girls laugh.
—
as soon as samy hung up the phone with her brothers, she immediately called grace hoping the older girl wasn’t busy. it rang almost four times before the call connected, “hey?”
“hey, gracie. sorry, am i bothering you?” samy worried she caught the older girl at a bad time based on the outside noise she could hear through the call.
“no, no. what’s up?” the background noise faded and samy guessed she was stepping somewhere more quieter.
“i just..i need some advice,” the brunette bit her lip as she toyed with the ends of her shirt.
“okay, what’s up?”
samy took in a deep breath before laying out everything she just did with her brothers a minute ago about how much of a hard time she was having with deciding on where to go to college and who’d she possibly disappoint if she picked one school over the other. grace listened silently until samy was finished and blew out a long sigh.
“wow,” grace said first.
“yeah, wow.”
“well, what do you want, sam?”
“that’s the problem, i don’t know,” the brunette groaned, falling back onto her bed.
“have you weighed pros and cons?” grace wondered.
“i’ve done about everything under the sun and i still can’t make a decision. going to mich would keep me close to home, but going to boston would give me a new perspective i don’t see a lot, you know? plus, i’d be with will and all of them.”
“well, you know my brother is gonna support you whenever you go. he wants you to be happy, samy. i know your brothers want the same and so do your parents. what do the soccer programs look like?” the youngest hughes blushed hearing grace tell her how happy will would be for her no matter what.
“they’re both really great. i mean, great as in i love the team atmosphere and the coaches. the programs could be worked on,” the brunette shrugged.
“i think you should go where your heart leads you. you’d have a lot of support wherever you choose because of my parents in boston and your parents in michigan,” grace said softly and samy rubbed a frustrated hand over her face.
“i know it’s a given how you chose, but can you tell me besides your family legacy what made you choose boston?”
“i guess..i just really liked the values boston college had. i loved how the campus looked and even though it is a fairly big school, i still felt a very strong community within it and i just knew i could picture myself here for four more years even though i literally grew up here,” the older blonde laughed a bit. “i guess you just gotta pick the place that feels like home to you.”
“what if both feel like home to me for different reasons?” samy admitted, rolling to her side to look out the window.
“what are the reasons?”
“well michigan obviously because of my brothers and my family’s tie to here. i’ve always loved the school whenever i watched quinn and luke play in the yost. for some reason i could always picture myself in the student section when i was older cheering the team on. but with boston..it just holds such a nostalgia to me since we only visited to see you and will. i love the city and well..will would be there and i guess..technically..will is my home in some ways?” samy cringed a bit hearing that come out of her mouth because she never would’ve thought in a million years she’d say that about the blonde.
“well, isn’t someone feeling sappy,” grace teased.
“shut up. i still find him annoying as hell,” that made both of the girls laugh.
“speaking of my brother..how are you guys?” grace changed the subject for a moment figuring samy would wanna get her mind off of college decisions for a bit.
good thing the older girl couldn’t see samy’s face because the brunette blushed hard.
“we’re..fine. i guess. i don’t know,” things were feeling really complicated between her and will recently and samy didn’t exactly know how to feel about it. “kevin and i are still together if that’s what you’re asking.”
“samy.”
“i know, i know i need to talk to him, but…i just can’t. i don’t know grace. the idea of liking will as something more than a friend..it’s crazy. i’ve only known him as another annoying brother,” grace knew all about samy and will’s drunk little kisses they shared in the past year and the confusion the youngest hughes has been having about her feelings towards the boy.
she was hoping being with kevin would help her forget thinking about kissing will in the bathroom when they were drunk, but it was actually doing really little.
“i just feel like this is gonna end badly for all of you. kevin will be hurt, you’ll be hurt, will be hurt.”
“i just don’t even know how one would even bring that up? hey sorry, i’m kind of leading you on because i’ve been kissing my best friend but only when we’re drunk and we never talk about it after and i act like it doesn’t happen, so i started dating you to forget about it? yeah, sounds real great.”
“well, don’t say it like that, but..i just don’t want you getting hurt, samy,” grace said.
“plus, i don’t even know if will even likes me like that. he probably doesn’t because liking your best friend is crazy,” samy went on and grace stayed silent which made the younger girl’s ears perk up. “do you know something?”
“no, i don’t. even if i did, i wouldn’t do my brother that dirty. i’m just saying, sam. it’s an awkward conversation, but it saves a lot of hurt in the end.”
“i know. i’ll..work on it.”
“on a different note, i am really surprised how close you and will have gotten in the past year. i remember when you guys used to hate one another,” the older smith giggled.
“we still kind of do,” samy snickered.
“either way, i’m glad you guys have worked out your differences and are close. it’s good he has someone being so far away from home,” her words made both of them smile.
“well, he’s become my rock so i don’t think our friendship will go away anytime soon,” the brunette grinned. “which is why i’m having a hard time choosing schools because what do i do when i’ve spend two years seeing will every single day to not seeing him for months on end?”
“yeah..i don’t really know honestly, sam. do what your heart wants on the inside. the first place that comes to your mind whenever you’re thinking about this,” grace said and images of michigan flashed in samy’s mind which quickly seemed to be her answer.
—
“god, i can’t believe you guys are going to college already,” grace was in town to help samy and will pack their things up for college. while will was out, the older blonde drove to ann arbor to see the brunette and catch up before school started.
“me neither. i didn’t think i’d be this sad about it honestly,” samy laughed while labeling her bins.
“you guys grew up way too fast for my liking, but i’m really proud of you guys. you’re gonna do really great at mich,” the blonde smiled.
“i’m really excited. we already have a groupchat for soccer and all the girls are so excited to welcome us freshmen in.”
“that’s really sweet. you’re gonna flourish, i just know it and i’ll be watching like i always do,” grace’s words were sentimental and it was taking a lot in samy to not burst out into tears these past few days as she said her goodbyes and packed her room away.
“how’s will’s packing doing? he was making progress when i saw him two days ago,” the brunette giggled.
“he’s getting a lot done with my help and mom’s. you know, he keeps talking about you, like, every conversation i swear he brings you up,” the younger hughes’ cheeks burned hearing that. it still felt so foreign to her to have this side of her will’s relationship unlocked and hearing him talk about her like that from other people.
“how surprised were you when you found out?” samy wondered while grace took a breather for a second by sitting on samy’s bed.
“surprised, but i did kind of see it coming. plus, i knew he had crazy feelings for you,” the blonde laughed.
“yeah, i’ve heard. i guess ryan and gabe’s teasing really was true.”
“it was also really obvious to everyone but you guys. we all basically knew,” that made samy flush even more. “but i’m really happy for you guys. i’ve never seen will so smiley and happy about someone before.”
“it sucks that we’re only getting together at the end of summer basically. i’m gonna really miss him,” samy admitted with a small frown.
“i know it sucks, but i think long distance will be good for you guys because you can grow into yourselves outside of your relationship you know? be your own person. plus, you guys already know everything about one another so you’ve already made it over the hardest part,” the oldest smith sibling hummed.
“i guess so. i just wish we had a little more time together. feels like i just got him and now i’m losing him for months on end.”
“knowing will, he’ll beg you to fly out,” that made them laugh.
“it’s so cliche, you know? childhood best friends fall in love with one another later on. we really hit that one on the head,” samy giggled.
“i don’t think it’s cliche. i think it’s cute. i always feel like the relationships that were friendships first always work out the best because you already know everything about one another, you know?”
“yeah like how he always pooped his pants when we were like five,” the girls laughed again.
“it will fly by, i promise.”
samy thought of will out with some of his friends right now. he wondered what they were doing and how she was gonna see him later tonight when she drove back with grace after packing some more.
to no one’s surprise, will was also thinking of samy. anytime he looked at his phone, he saw the lockscreen of the two of them together and the blonde always grinned seeing her there.
#will smith hockey#hughes!sister x will smith au#samy x will#samy hughes#will smith x oc#will smith imagine#boston college hockey#boston college#uofmichigan#umich hockey#grace smith#will smith hockey 2#will smith 2#wsh2#ws2#ws6#will smith hockey fluff#grace smith x samy hughes#bc eagles#bc hockey#boston college hockey blurb#boston college hockey imagine#boston college imagine#umich#umich soccer#umich imagines#umich fic#umich blurb#umich blurbs#umich wolverines
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I Need an Anchor (God, I Want to be Satisfied)
A Wild Life Etho fic, featuring the Gs :)
Content warnings: none
2000 words
Aka, Etho doesn't know his self worth, so he tries to prove himself to his new alliance. They assure him they care about him even if he is washed up
Author's note: this was supposed to contain Cletho and that never happened, oh well. Maybe another day
Etho isn’t running away.
He’s not abandoning anyone, he’s not betraying them or leaving them behind. He’s not doing any of that.
He’s just taking a quiet exit.
Because he might drown if he has to stay with Bdubs and Tango one more day. He thinks they can feel it too. Something is wrong with their alliance. Something is inherently broken.
They fight each other more than their enemies. They steal, they mock, and when one of them is injured they’re left to pick themselves up on their own.
It's just not how an alliance is meant to work.
And Etho needs out.
He picks through this chest, looking for whatever valuables he has left. Minimal iron and even fewer diamonds. He manages to scrape together some building supplies and food. Hopefully this will be enough. Hopefully, hopefully.
He doesn’t know what to expect. He wants to seem useful. He wants to be necessary to a team. Indispensable.
Because if he’s not, they might neglect him too, just like Tango and Bdubs. And gosh, it hurts to be neglected by people you love. Etho can’t take it anymore.
He ducks out of his tower, backpack full of supplies and his new beloved trident in hand. Distantly, he can hear Tango and Bdubs bickering about something. Etho avoids them, and makes his way through the woods to the other base.
The late summer sun falls through the leaves overhead, making him squint as he approaches the wheat fields and walled in building where his new friends live. He swallows, and then wanders to the gate. He can hear the soft chatter of people within the base. Etho’s heart swells with jealousy. They are so friendly with each other.
“Etho?” He sees Pearl lean over the top of the wall, “Hey, we can see you lurking how here.”
“Oh. Hi.” He says. “Can income inside?”
Pearl turns back to talk to someone behind her. Etho can hear Scott’s voice. She turns back to him, “Yeah, come up over the wall though. Scott says Impulse just trapped the gate.”
Etho nods once, relieved that he hadn’t let himself in only be blown to bits. He towers up and Pearl helps to pull him over the last bit of wall so he standing on top of the stone next to her.
She jumps from the wall and hurries back over to where Cleo, Scott and Impulse are chatting on the front porch of the building.
Etho lingers awkwardly behind her, dropping down and following.
“Hey guys, hi. I brought some supplies? I hope they’re enough.” He says. He turns to rifle through his backpack, pulling various things from his inventory. “I’ve got a bit of iron? Two diamonds if anyone needs a new sword. And some cooked cod if anyone needs food-“
He is cut off by Scott waving him over and gesturing for him to sit with them, “We’re all good on supplies right now.” Scott says, “But join us! I’ve been wondering when you’d be over.”
This makes Etho’s stomach churn uneasily. They don’t need anything he has to offer. He’s not giving anything, he’ll just be a drain on supplies here.
Okay, so fix it. You have a problem, analyze it and fix it.
He hovers near the group, not sitting down. His eyes dart around the group, trying to fit pieces together. What can he do?
Pearl is still wears some pieces of iron armor. So is Impulse.
“Etho?” Cleo echoes, “Aren’t you going to sit with us?”
Etho bites his lip. He can feel the Scar there underneath his teeth. “No, I, uh, I forgot some things at my base.” He lies. “I’ll be back.”
He ignores how Scott looks disappointed and how Cleo sighs when he turns away.
Etho doesn’t come back until he has enough diamonds to get both Pearl and Impulse a new piece of armor. He jumps the wall again, and then he drops down into the small walled in area.
Scott is the only one outside, tending patiently to the flowers around the building.
“Oh, Etho, there you are.” Scott turns to him, “We thought you’d left us!”
Scott laughs, but Etho can’t help but hear an accusation. Traitor.
He hurries to seem useful, to be a good teammate, “I went mining.” He blurts, “Got some diamonds so y’all can get some better armor.”
Scott stares at him blankly for a moment, confused. “That’s. That’s very kind of you. The others are inside if you want to say hi.”
Etho nods, “Of course.” He shuffles backwards, then turns and makes his way to the door.
Pearl and Cleo are inside, sitting around a small pool in the floor with a few axolotls swimming around it. Cleo is sitting on top of their storage chests, sprawled out over two of them. Pearl sits by the edge of the pool with her bare feet in the water and her boots laying next to her.
“Etho, hi!” Cleo smiles at him, “I was wondering if you’d drop by again.”
“Hi Cleo.” He turns to Pearl, “uh, I got you some diamonds. Make yourself some new armor?” He holds out half of the diamonds for her to take. “I also have some for Impulse.”
Pearl takes the diamonds, “Ooooh!” she turns them over in her hands admiringly, “Very nice!”
Cleo gives Etho a strange smile, “Don’t you need new armor too?”
He shakes his head, “I’m alright. I’d rather put my new team first, be a good teammate and all.”
Cleo’s smile turns to a frown, but she doesn’t say anything else.
When the sun goes down, Etho quietly dismisses himself to his old tower near Tango and Bdubs.
Bdubs is pacing the outside of his own tower, muttering to himself. When he sees Etho, he snaps to attention, “Hey! Where have you been all day?”
“Uh, just out.” Etho shrugs.
Bdubs fumes, clearly in a bad mood, “Likely story! We had that whole list of things to do today, remember? Nothing got done!”
Etho tilts his head, “Didn’t you work on it at all?”
“Well! I just! You!” Bdubs splutters, “Very freaking funny! You need to work on it too! I can’t be doing everything around here!”
Etho nods, “I’ll take a look at the list tomorrow.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Bdubs huffs, “Time to shreep.”
The next time Etho is with his new alliance, he is itching for something to do.
The five of them are all laying around outside, just enjoying the sunshine. Scott and Impulse sit in the grass together, while Pearl is perched in the pale oak tree that grows inside the walls. Cleo sits up on the edge of the wall, overlooking the group.
Etho sits a small distance from Scott and Impulse, watching Scott teach him how to weave a flower crown.
He can’t help but think how lazy this is. No one is doing anything productive. They just sit together, like they have forever. Like they’re not going to face their encroaching death soon.
They didn’t even have a to do list for Etho to check. If they did, he would be out, being productive. Instead he’s stuck nervously following around other members of the alliance hoping to help with whatever they’re doing.
But none of them are doing anything.
And Etho is failing to smoother this feeling of uselessness.
“Etho, are you alright?” Cleo asks suddenly.
Etho glances up at her, “Yeah, I’m alright.”
Scott shakes his head, “No, Cleo is right. You’re acting odd.”
“Uh, I guess I’m just a little antsy.” Etho shifts uncomfortably, “I was hoping to do something useful today.”
Cleo and Scott glance at each other. Etho wishes he knew what that look meant. And then they both look at Pearl, who nods, and he feels even more lost.
“You seem stressed, man.” Impulse says, “I think a day of rest would be good for you. Take a break.”
Etho sighs. Impulse get up from his spot near Scott and comes to sit by Etho.
“I don’t need a break.” Etho says, “I just want to be a good teammate.”
Because he needs this. He needs someone to tether him down when he can’t find a direction to go. He needs an anchor.
Scott scoots over until he’s seated on Etho’s other side, “Etho. You don’t need to be a good teammate.” He says, “We don’t care if you bring nothing to the table. You’re part of this group now, so you belong here no matter what.”
“But I still need to be productive.” Etho insists, “Otherwise, why am I on this team?” Scott hesitates to answer, and Etho panics, joking nervously, “It can’t be my irresistible charm?”
“Your pathetic wet-cat energy.” Cleo offers.
“Yeah yeah, that.” Etho’s says, “I’m washed up.”
Impulse sighs, “Man. We want to hang out with you even if you are washed up.”
Etho doesn’t believe him.
Etho makes it to the late afternoon before his restlessness gets the better of him, and he finds himself getting ready to go back to his tower. At least there he has something to do. He could work on Bdubs’ list, or try to finish his tower.
Scott watches him out of the corner of his eye as he makes his way back up the wall, and prepares to drop down.
“Etho.” He calls.
Etho hesitates, looking out at the forest beneath the wall. He turns back, “yup?”
Scott pulls himself up onto the wall next to him. He eyes the rest of the group, and drops his voice to a whisper.
“Stay?”
Etho frowns, “It’s getting late, I have work to do.”
Scott seems disappointed, “I know you wanted to keep this alliance on the down-low, but…” He doesn’t finish.
“Bdubs will be wondering where I am.” Etho says. It’s a lame excuse, but not untrue. “And I have to go home sometime. Get some rest like everyone has been saying.”
Scott sighs and steps back, “Alright.” He says. “But know you can stay here too, if you ever want. You’re always welcome here.”
When Etho gets home, to his own cold bed, alone in his copper tower, he can only stare at his ceiling. He knows that somewhere Scott and Pearl and Cleo and Impulse are all going to bed together. They will fall asleep to the sound of each other breathing.
Etho will fall asleep to the sound of Tango pacing next door, restless.
“I brought food.” Etho says next time, because despite the constant reassurances he can’t help but feel like an addiction to the team instead of a part of it.
He has to prove himself, he needs to deserve this.
The fish are cooked on an open fireplace, while the group sits around it, enjoying the fire and the food. The base smells like warm fish, and bread that Pearl made, and the herbal tea in Scott’s mug.
Etho smiles, watching them chatter.
He’s glad to have given them some sort of substance, and a moment of peace away from the start of next session tomorrow. He feels useful and needed.
He ignores how Bdubs blows up his communicator with messages about preparing for tomorrow. Etho will deal with him tomorrow. Today is for his alliance.
“Stay?” Scott asks again, as the sun comes down and after Bdubs is long asleep.
Etho thinks about his cold bed, and his copper tower, and Tango’s insomniac pacing. He thinks about all the yelling he’ll wake up to in the morning if he goes home, verses to prospect of bread and tea if he stays.
“yeah.” He says softly, “I’ll stay.”
Then he falls asleep that night curled in the bed between Cleo and Impulse, like maybe he was still at home with her in Secret Life, or with him in Limited Life. Nearby Scott and Pearl are breathing steadily, drifting into sleep.
And he can’t help but think he is the luckiest person here. Because he knows he doesn’t deserve it, but they want him here anyway.
Etho thinks he’s beginning to trust them. He knows they will be here, a firm constant in a ranging sea. Something to keep him grounded.
His anchor.
#etho#ethoslab#trafficblr#inkie writes#wild life smp#wild life#life series#zombie cleo#scott smajor#pearlescentmoon#impulsesv#bdoubleo100#tangotek#not as much Tango but he's mentioned so I'm gonna tag him#the 3 Gs#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#the 5 Gs#or however many there are#traffic smp fanfic#life series fanfic
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Congratulations on 500! I'm so lucky to have met you this year Saint Rebecca of the mpreg 🤣🥰 my prompt for you:
Buck and Tommy both found out they were pregnant post break up and kept it a secret until they run into each other at prenatal yoga (or childbirth class...something like that)
Hannnnnah! You are the sweetest! And I will forever be grateful to have met you too!! But you had my brain doing a workout for this one :) but I hope you enjoy it
Double Trouble
Maddie picks Buck up thirty minutes early so they can stop at ‘Galactic Holes’— the donut truck that parks outside the building— before their Prenatal Class. She had wrangled him into coming with her to the classes when he finally open up about his pregnancy; even if she didn’t always agree with his insistence to not tell Tommy, it was nice to get some bonding time with his big sister as both of their pregnancies progressed.
They walk through the door, eating the last few bites of their donuts, and Buck scans the room for an empty table. There’s one in the back corner, and he nudges Maddie towards it as they say their hellos to the other parents-to-be attending. Everyone is friendly enough, albeit extremely nosey, but that’s expected in group settings like this. A single expectant father who isn’t willing to give much, if any, information about the other parent is bound to cause whispers among anyone… At least they keep the whispers quiet enough he never hears them.
*
The class starts with some discussion of everyone’s current pregnancy stages, some stretches since they will be mostly seated today, and a handout to help everyone write down a detailed birth plan. Maddie has whispered more than once how boring today’s class is and Buck has repeatedly agreed.
Then in an instant everything becomes extremely interesting… to say the least.
The door pushes open and someone walks in. Buck doesn’t look up at first, busy filling out exactly how he plans to labor when the time comes. “Sorry I’m late… I was given the wrong address,” a voice that’s all too familiar says from the front of the room.
“Oh that’s fine,” the teacher says. “How did you learn about the class?”
“A friend pretty much insisted I come…” the voice— he— Tommy… says with a half hearted laugh. Buck still hasn’t found the willpower to look up. “She said it would be… beneficial.”
“How far along are you?” Someone else in the class asks.
“Uh… thirty— thirty six weeks,” Tommy says, and Buck’s head snaps up, making Maddie shift in the seat next to him, and Tommy’s eyes immediately lock onto his.
Thirty six weeks.
Buck is thirty.
Buck knows he had to have gotten pregnant very close to their anniversary, which means… Tommy was pregnant long before then. Did he know when he—
“Oh wow,” one of the other members— Caroline— says loudly; dramatically. “You really waited till the end to reap those benefits huh?”
Buck watches Tommy hastily break his eyes away to look at her, he offers a smile. “Better late than never, right?” He shrugs and finds a single empty seat up front. Instantly Buck watches as Caroline leans over to one of the others and starts whispering. He watches Tommy glance over at them then down at his hands, seeming to shrink himself into his seat. Part of him feels like yelling for the gossipers to worry about their own lives, part of him is as curious as he’s sure they are. Mostly he is just hurt… but he didn’t tell Tommy about his own pregnancy, can he really be upset at Tommy?
“Wow…” Maddie finally exhales beside him.
“Yeah…” Buck says, suddenly completely uninterested in the birth plan he currently was making up. “Wow…”
MAKE ME WRITE! <3
#bucktommy#evan buckley#tommy kinard#maddie buckley#mpreg#double mpreg at that#😮💨😮💨😮💨#follower milestone#make me write
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@granny-griffin's tags say:
#I think “destroy everything” was an authentically shigaraki ideal#it might have been based on AFO’s influence#and shaped by tenko’s past experience#but AFO wanted a world to exist so he could rule it#shigaraki disagreed#anyway good meta OP#bnha#bnha manga#bnha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#bnha meta
You raise an interesting point so I hope you’ll forgive me if I’ll tackle your tags.
Erase/destroy/make disappear what displease/disturb/hurt us is a basic human instinct. We just don’t want what makes us unhappy to exist.
Of course our wishes are part of the information we consider when taking an informed decision. However often they’re nowhere near enough information though to just be all we need to make an informed decision (otherwise back to the hospital example, all the doctor would need to get your informed consent would be to ask you if you’d like to be operated… and I doubt they would find many people who would like it unless they were to know the risks of not getting the operation).
That’s why, when one is a small kid, preschooler or even younger, they’re taught they can’t destroy/make disappear/murder/hit/erase what displease them and why. This is the INFORMATION a person needs to receive and that, when one is old enough to make INFORMED decision, influences said informed decision.
And this is where Tomura has problems because the information he was given was messed up from the start, from when he was Shimura Tenko.
In fact Tenko starts to have mixed information in his home, where we see Kotarou hates Heroes and his way to tackle the problem is to forbid the family from talking about it. Kotarou can’t really destroy Heroes but, in a way, he makes them ‘disappear’ from conversation, from his house. Also, if Tenko does something that displease him, he makes him ‘disappear’ from the house by closing him outside… and when he got really, really upset he hit 5 years old Tenko twice, hard enough to send him on the ground… and, as far as Tenko knows, no one said that was a wrong behavior.
When Tenko’s Quick kicks in, Kotarou, instead than worrying about his panicking kid like Nao did, is afraid of Tenko and hits him again with a garden tool giving Tenko a permanent scar (psychological and physical).
This time though, Tenko snaps and will answer in kind, repeating Kotarou’s behavior, and Kotarou will be the one to disappear (psychologically speaking a boy is taught to take his father as a role model and Kotarou just wasn’t a good role model).
Kotarou was already passing bad information to Tenko who, back then, was already aware his own hitch was tied to his father’s house (and therefore to his father in particular).
The information the other family members were giving Tenko weren’t great, as they fundamentally were all telling him to endure, which however didn’t solve Tenko’s problems at all. They weren’t bringing away a sense of distress so great it manifested in a psychosomatic hitch (it’s really a big deal when this happens, it’s not something that can be undervalued, basically it’s the brain’s way to scream “I can’t take this any longer, someone please help”).
When Tenko retaliates and Kotarou disappear, for a moment Tenko’s long standing problem is solved.
This is why he feels ecstasy, because his primary feeling is to feel joy at the resolution of such a problem. This is also the first information he receives from this experience, that removing something that gives you pain will bring you great joy, and that this will cause the hitch to disappear (as his source of psychological stress disappeared).
It won’t last. Once the euphoria for the disappearing of what hurt him is gone, guilt fills him because he has killed his own family. The information he was given by the other family members about how he should endure, tell him in no uncertain terms what he did was bad. The fact he has no more the rest of his family which he loves pains him. Tenko even thinks no one helps him because that’s punishment for what he did.
This would have probably been info good enough to counter the previous info he received. If destroying his father brought him joy because it seemed the end of his problems… well, he was mistaken, the hitch gets back (as now he has a new, BIGGER source of stress) and so the misery.
To destroy wasn’t the solution to escape pain, and so Tenko takes the informed decision of not destroying the people who doesn’t help him even if this hurt him, quite the contrary, we’ll see that when he remembers himself decaying his parents he feels sick, not euphoric.
Long story short, the information he collected from his experiences tell him destroying not only doesn’t chase away permanently the hitch but makes him feel guilty and sick. To destroy makes him feel much worse than not destroy.
If things were to stop here, Tenko would have never destroyed things again because even if he’s just 5 and his ability to take informed decisions is seriously limited, it’s enough to tell him that destroying would be the worse choice, the thing that would make him feel overwhelmingly WORSE, not better.
Things don’t stop here though.
Here is where AFO starts his work, reshaping the info Tenko has.
For start he worsen and keeps alive Tenko’s trauma, giving him his family’s hands and trying to force him to remember all that pain. Tenko’s brain can handle only so much pain, eventually, to protect itself, the brain represses those memories that hurt him (as you can see ‘erasing as much as possible what hurts us’ is a very ingrained mechanism in us). Eventually Tenko doesn’t remember anymore clearly what happened to his parents, so the info he collected, as they aren’t supported by experiences anymore (since he forgot those experiences), lose in strength.
AFO comes and brings things to the next level.
For start AFO reframes the hitch.
Tenko’s hitch was due to the stress he was feeling in his house, due to the pain that place gave him, due to the mistreatment he suffered.
AFO lies and tells him the hitch isn’t due to the distress he felt at home, no, it’s due to his inborn wish to destroy. If he doesn’t want the hitch, he has to destroy, it’s the only way to erase his suffering, he doesn’t have to endure. Likely this isn’t an one time thing, likely AFO repeated and expanded the idea over and over.
Eventually AFO sends Tenko to deal with some bullies. Tenko in the beginning endures, it’s not he doesn’t have the instinctive impulse to destroy whose who hurt him, as said before that’s an instinct that’s natural to have, it’s that he keeps it in check like any normal decent person as he subconsciously remembers the information his experiences led him to learn.
It won’t last because, as I said, he doesn’t have anymore the memory of those experiences that gave him those info.
AFO takes care to break his resistance, to fill him with info that say that resisting to such an impulse is wrong. He shouldn’t feel guilt, the fact such actions would be wrong is a mere fabrication, if he endures he’s the only one suffering.
AFO fills him with lies, takes advantage that the previous info that Tenko had are either forgotten or lie on forgotten memories and reshapes his beliefs.
Destroying is salvation, he’s born for it, he has the impulse for it, if he feels bad it’s because he has to let such an impulse free. He has to destroy what he hates or he’ll feel worse. His negative feelings fill Tenko but now he deals with them according to the info AFO gave him. He has to destroy what gives him pain and this WILL MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER. Hence he destroys and then he has mixed feelings over it because he says he feels sick but at the same time he feels calm and free (before, when he was rolling on the floor, he clearly felt only sick so this is an improvement). AFO’s brainwashing is starting to take over.
(and, of course in this scene it's raining because it symbolically represents the tears Tenko isn't able to shed anymore)
All this long speech to say that no, you aren’t wrong, Tenko, or better his adult version, Shigaraki Tomura, ultimately wished for the destruction of everything he hated and then he decided to carry on that wish.
Shigaraki Tomura’s informed decision, is based on what AFO taught him, that he has an impulse withing that tells him to destroy and that's why he has an hitch, that he must not endures his impulses, that doing so would make him pitiful and weak or he’ll suffer, that he shouldn’t feel guilty as the ideas that would make him feel guilty are fabrications, lie, that therefore HE MUST DESTROY what he hates.
This is no more a wish, this becomes the decision he takes and that's informed by all of AFO's lies.
But why would AFO encourage Tomura to pursue a path of destruction when AFO is clearly not interested in world destruction? AFO is interested in Tomura’s rage as somehow Tomura’s rage is fundamental to snatch away OFA.
So yes, Tomura’s wish to destroy the world was something AFO wanted because it kept him angry. It’s not that he’ll let Tomura destroy the world, of course he thinks he’ll possess him first, but this is another things he manipulated Tomura into.
I'll cut it here, otherwise I would end up repeating all I've said in the previous post on how ultimately AFO's manipulation ended up being internalized and became part of Tomura.
Sorry if before this part wasn't clear and also sorry if I took advantage of your tags to talk more about this topic, I hope it wasn’t a problem.
Where really Tenko’s choices not his own?
AFO ‘Yowai mama tsuyoku arou nado ā orokana Shimura Tenko. Omae wa ima made nani hitotsu erande nado inai noni.’’ AFO「弱いまま強くあろうなどああ愚かな志村転弧。おまえは今まで何一つ選んでなどいないのに。」’ AFO “Though you've become strong, you remain weak. Ahh, foolish Shimura Tenko. Even though until now you haven't chosen anything.’ [Chap. 418]
This is what AFO said to Tomura/Tenko at the end of chapter 418 and of course it sparked discussion because what is this supposed to mean? Of course Tomura/Tenko chose plenty of things, he had free will, hadn’t he? His body wasn’t always controlled by AFO, Tomura/Tenko took plenty of decisions or is this an attempt to take accountability from him?
To discuss this and what AFO really means I’m going to talk to you about something else.
Ever hear about informed consent?
When the hospital needs you to agree to undergo a certain treatment they don’t just need your consent, they need your INFORMED consent.
The informed consent process is an ethical and legal requirement for medical treatment. It ensures that you understand your diagnosis and your treatment options and agree to have specific medical treatment. This process involves ongoing and clear conversations between you and your healthcare provider. These conversations often lead to your decision to give (or not) consent for treatment. Informed consent protects your autonomy and your legal rights as a patient. Informed consent protects your ability to make your own decisions about medical treatment. It also protects your legal right to ask questions about recommended treatments.
And yeah, it also helps your healthcare provider but, for this discussion I’ll focus on what it does for you.
Basically, your decision to say ‘yes’ if you weren’t informed, is legally considered void of value. It doesn’t matter you freely said ‘yes’ if you weren’t informed your consent is not enough.
You might also have heard if you’re a minor even though you decide to give consent to some things, that consent holds no value.
Now you might wonder, where does this lead us?
Tomura/Tenko is not a minor nor he has to undergo under some medical procedure.
The mechanism behind decisions, behind choosing something, is always the same. We choose according to the information we have. Freedom of will isn’t the most important factor deciding our choices, it’s information and they dictate our choices to the point some can predict them.
We inform our decisions and opinions through experiences, be they personal or made just by observing others, through what people teach us be they our parents or our teachers or people we trust, through confronting with others be it in discussions or in arguments.
If you tell me I have to choose between eating a pear and an apple I’ll choose the apple because I know I hate pears but I like apples. This is my INFORMED decision.
If you however were to tell me the apple is poisoned I wouldn’t eat it because I don’t want to die, and this would also be my INFORMED decision.
If you were to lie to me and tell me the apple is perfectly safe to eat when it’s not, I would go back on eating the apple and this would be my INFORMED decision… and it would obviously suck because the information I was given was false.
In Tomura/Tenko’s case, what AFO is saying, is he’s behind each information about how the world work that Tomura/Tenko received.
He got his hands on Tenko when the latter was 5 but even before that age he began shaping the world around him, the experiences Tenko would make. When he took Tenko he told him to call him ‘sensei’ (先生). The English version translated it as “master” as it is a word with many translations but the more common translation is “teacher” which would fit more with how Tomura/Tenko asks him what will he teach him.
AFO taught Tomura/Tenko how he had to see and interpret the world, how he had to see and interpret himself and his feelings, how he had to see and interpret the others. He kept on filling Tomura/Tenko with information that were aimed at influencing Tomura/Tenko’s beliefs, perceptions, will.
AFO taught him that he had an impulse to destroy, that the itch is DUE TO IT instead than due to the abuse he was suffering in his home. That he shouldn't endure abuse or he'll be the only one to suffer, that coscience, morale, ethics are lies, fabrications.
Tomura/Tenko was a small kid, thanks to the trauma he forgot most of his past, which includes the teaching and experiences he had before, and AFO took care to keep always alive the trauma inside him.
Tomura/Tenko was mostly kept isolated, having solely the company of AFO, of Garaki and of Kurogiri. They were his source of ‘reliable’ information as he trusted them… only they were clearly not reliable.
But, you might say, what about the internet?
Tomura/Tenko has no net friends. AFO took care to give him a certain view of the world, so that every information Tomura/Tenko would receive through the web would be influenced by such view. Tomura/Tenko has no reason to doubt AFO, as far as he knows he’s his savior and caretaker and he has no one else.
If AFO tells him the net lies when it says All Might is a good person, that it’s wrong to destroy things, that it’s wrong to murder, why should Tomura/Tenko doubt AFO? Where are ‘reliable’ information telling him what AFO says is a lie, when the other people around him who take care of him (Garaki and Kurogiri) agree with AFO? Why should he trust the net, the people who abandoned him, over the people who’re so nice and caring toward him?
And the more time Tomura/Tenko is left in this world in which AFO is his main source of information the more those information become part of him, influence his perception of the world, his personality.
Remember when All Might first saw him and called him a ‘man-child’? It wasn’t a completely wrong definition, since Tomura/Tenko wasn’t really allowed to mentally grow by interacting with others who were his equal and presented different opinions and wills.
It's not he didn't have Quirk counselling what stilled his growth, it's not he didn't want to grow or something and that took advantage of the fact he had too much power which made him spoiled...
...what the Heroes didn't consider, mostly because they didn't really care WHY TOMURA/TENKO IS LIKE THAT was that it was trauma and manipulation that made him like that. Tomura/Tenko experienced the world and the battles through roleplay games not through real interactions.
AFO was always around him, shaping him, telling him he can do what he wants and that everything was for him and Tomura/Tenko has no reason to believe he was lying, has no reason to think his words though.
Tomura/Tenko decides, but as his choices are all informed by AFO and AFO lies to him, his choices are all dictated by wrong info and manipulated in a certain direction. Even if he's told he can do what he wants his choices aren’t really ‘free’ because he doesn’t really know what he’s choosing and what he’s rejecting, because he’s not informed correctly.
Yes, inside him there’s his own persona, he’s not a complete will-less doll, but this matters little when all the information he receives are manipulated and he has not the means to realize it and AFO knows it. He’s a master manipulator, he knows how to give Tomura/Tenko the belief he’s choosing of his own free will when it’s AFO who put such ideas and beliefs in his head.
Tomura/Tenko is 20 when he is first sent against All Might and can interact with people with a diametrically opposite mind setting compared to AFO.
Still Tomura/Tenko’s first confrontation with All Might is easy for him to dismiss, AFO raised him thinking Heroes and especially All Might are a certain type of people, so All Might’s words are easy to dismiss like empty rhetoric and pretty words (remember? one of the first things he was taught is that coscience, moral, ethics are fabrications that allow people [aka Heroes] to run the world smoothly) and All Might clearly didn’t act in such a way it would positively impress Tomura/Tenko.
Tomura/Tenko views him as a representative of state-sponsored violence and All Might can’t prove him wrong because… he has to use violence to protect everyone.
Tomura/Tenko wasn’t taught to care about the nobility of the mean, for him use of violence makes Villains and Heroes alike and yet they’re split in two groups… but most of what Tomura/Tenko says is something that’s not really coming from him but from AFO’s indoctrination. They aren’t really HIS ideals yet, even All Might realizes so.
What Tomura/Tenko has in that moment is hate for All Might and society. When Stain will force him to tell him which is his conviction, this is what Tomura/Tenko says, not all the rest. He hates All Might and society.
AFO’s indoctrination was meant to manipulate him into believing why he hates them, but the truth is what Midoriya will nail at the end, society and All Might didn’t save him when he was an innocent child, not yet a Villain, and left him miserable. His father, AFO, they all told him this happened because Heroes and society are fundamentally bad. Due to this teaching Tomura/Tenko hates them with a passion, because he feels victimized by them. They’re the cause of his misery.
Stain’s words are harder to ignore as Stain is no Hero and Kurogiri wanted them to join forces and yet Stain attacked him… but then let him live. All of sudden someone who’s not a Hero makes something unpredictable. Tomura/Tenko tried to compete with him and loses, everyone is impressed by Stain and not by him and makes wrong assumptions on them. Touya and Himiko comes to him but he doesn’t understand their behavior. Ultimately he talks with Midoriya.
The talk doesn’t dramatically change him, it merely helps him to reframe everything in a familiar contest. It’s All Might’s fault, he decides, and this is what AFO taught him, but he doesn’t realize he’s parroting what his master taught him.
Ironically, his talk with Midoriya actually helps him to internalize, to interiorized what AFO taught him, because now HE HAD TO PONDER OVER THE SITUATION AND CONFRONT WITH SOMEONE ELSE, which is the first step to makes ideas your own as now they would come from you… but since he tackles that confrontation using the tons of info AFO poured into him and Midoriya is just a kid who makes wrong assumptions of him… well, the result ends up being that now Tomura/Tenko doesn’t just merely absorb AFO’s information but embraces them as if they were his own ideas.
This is what AFO wanted when he said there’s no point in simply telling Tomura/Tenko an answer but that he needs to reach the conclusion himself.
In a way it’s a test to see if all the wrong information he has given him for years now really live inside him and have become his own. AFO knows that now that Tomura/Tenko is a man, albeit one kept immature, if he has succeeded in influencing him then it would be difficult to completely change his mind after 15 years of manipulations.
He’s not wrong, to completely change Tomura/Tenko’s mind would be difficult… but it isn’t impossible to partially change it, especially since Tomura/Tenko will then keep on interacting with the League… and won’t interact anymore with AFO so that AFO won’t manage anymore to teach him how to interpret his experiences.
In this new contest free of AFO the little of Tomura/Tenko’s original personality kind of come back to life, the League become precious friends he wants to protect. Ironically Tomura/Tenko, who hates Heroes because they abandoned him, want to be a Hero for the League. He doesn’t want to be their master or their ruler, all things AFO wants to be, Tomura/Tenko wants to be a Hero.
AFO used to say everything is all for him but now Tomura/Tenko wants everything to be for his companions, when he’ll submit Re-Destro he’ll ask suchi for them because they wanted it, he won’t force Touya to do what he doesn’t want to do, he promises he won’t destroy what Himiko loves, he let Shuuichi get angry at him.
Tomura is taking some choices that don’t come from AFO and could have taken more if he were to be given more time as he already wanted to be different from AFO and AFO’s attempt to take over his body as well as the revelation he manipulated him likely would have pushed Tomura/Tenko to reconsider everything he knew that influenced his mind and his decisions.
However plenty of what he chooses through the story come from AFO, from how he had taught him to see and feel the world, from the experiences he forced him to go through. We see it in the first war. AFO fed Kotarou’s resentment for Nana, which lead to Tenko’s abuse, AFO made sure Tomura/Tenko wandered for the city while no one helped him and when Tomura/Tenko faces the Heroes he quotes what he learned from that experience, that Heroes hurt their families to save strangers, that society is trash he says as he thinks back at how no one helped him. Society would always reject him, he says strong of his experiences which were manipulated by AFO. AFO taught him he has to free his violent impulses his wish for destruction that whatever tells him the contrary is a lie fabricated by society (chap. 237). Tomura wants to destroy because that’s how AFO taught him he has to fight the pain inside himself. Because he thinks his decaying Quirk is a reflection of his own personality, of his own role. He’s born to destroy… and this idea, as well as his Quirk… well they both come from AFO (and society, to be honest, as society tended to judge people’s personalities tied with their Quirk).
So, where this leaves us?
Tomura/Tenko did make some small choices that didn’t come from AFO… but too much of him come from AFO to the point if AFO had never meddled with his life he would have likely grown into a completely different person, with a completely different set of experiences and information that would inform his decisions.
As we don’t know which experiences and information he would have had, we can’t tell who he would have become (for example AFO gave him the decay Quirk and this influenced him into thinking he’s born to destroy but we don’t know which was his original Quirk. If he were to have a Quirk which also destroyed, he could have come to the same conclusion). Maybe he would have turned into a Hero, maybe he would have turned into an ordinary person, maybe he would have turned into an even worse Villain. Wondering over this is material for fanfics not for meta.
What remains true though is that way too many of present Tomura/Tenko’s important choices come from AFO, from what AFO taught him, that he shaped so much of his persona and actions that what AFO says about Tomura/Tenko never choosing anything is only partially incorrect at the end of the story and probably completely true at the start of it.
So yeah, as unpleasant as it is there’s a huge part of truth in AFO’s words… but it could have turned into a lie had Tomura/Tenko been given more time because, first he was freed of AFO’s influence and free to interact with others and second because AFO revealed his game and made clear he wanted to take over Tomura/Tenko’s body so he wasn’t the caring and disinterested benefactor he painted himself to be for 20 years and Tomura/Tenko didn’t have to take his words as reliable anymore.
A complete turn over would have probably been hard without a positive influence in his life, but for sure Tomura/Tenko would have been free to revaluate all he’d been taught by AFO and judge it again through the lenses of those new info.
But well, in the end he died so we’ll never learn what he could have done, which is just sad.
So is Tomura/Tenko innocent because manipulated?
There’s a part of the world population that think that inborn in humans there’s still the ability to choose between right and wrong even if they’re manipulated… and in real life it’s extremely hard to establish how much manipulated can be a person and how much it was due to them. Many don’t want to think that you can take a perfectly normal child and turn him into a serial killer through carefully raising him as such.
Discussing about this would be a minefield that would require psychological and educational degrees and probably would still see experts arguing because we can’t really test this theory and check if a baby is perfectly psychologically healthy and then try to raise him as a psychopath, and repeat the experience until we’ve enough data to judge, can we?
Real life cases weren’t cases which were carefully observed from start to end as an experiment would require so they leave the door open to speculation.
Long story short… this meta isn’t here to tell you if a real person can be raised and manipulated that much all his choices come from another and he’s unable to take them for himself.
This is a meta to tell you that from what we know and what we could observe Tomura/Tenko was manipulated from young age and that the majority of his life choices, especially the ones that lead him to become a Villain, were due to this.
Not that it would have made any difference in the BNHA world where Aoyama, a teen acting under duress, is viewed as a terrible Villain because, when threatened to be killed and have his parents killed if he weren’t to comply with AFO’s wishes, he choose to comply.
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Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.
#my stuff#i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks#like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy#hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month?#can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control#can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me?#and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone#so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks#im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better#i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up#cause i can see that happening#i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something#and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends.#and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you#i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once.#and that's not me. that's not who I want to be.#i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.
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sick of making plans with a specific friend only for her to not reach out abt actually hanging out until the afternoon after i’ve waited all day to hear back from her or for her to just cancel last minute entirely after i’ve again waited all day to hear back from her
#like i genuinely fucking get that sometimes life is exhausting and you’re tired and sometimes you need to take care of urself before hanging#out with people but for it to be so fucking consistent is exhausting for ME#we don’t even fucking make plans that often it’s literally maybe once a fucking month if that#like you’re telling me somehow whenever we have plans that’s when you’re SOOOOOO exhausted ?????? but you left the house 39203 other times#to do shit that takes up way more mental capacity than sitting bat your house smoking weed for a while and catching up?????#i just don’t fucking get it dude i really don’t#if i make plans with someone and the day of i don’t want to anymore i always tell them right fucking away so they don’t spend all day waitin#around and planning their entire day around it just to get fucked over#idk i’m just frustrated and probably need to eat something and i’ll be less angry#i’m just like. upset bc i don’t understand why she only ever seems to cancel on me or only seems to be soooooo exhausted when it’s the day#we planned to hang out like i just think it’s unfair to me and i Have expressed this in general before so it’s like ok cool#thanks for taking my own feelings and time into consideration 🙄🙄😐#like i literally love and adore my friends more than life itself and it just hurts and is shitty when someone doesn’t act the same even tho#they’ve said the opposite idk#i genuinely hope i don’t sound like a dick right now bc i truly really understand when ppl are mentally exhausted or deal with chronic issue#issues* bc fucking SAME HERE I ALSO DEAL WITH ALL RHAT so it’s like idk i just don’t wanna sound like a dick i am just upset i’m not feeling#like i’m loved the same as i love people idk this always happens to me i feel like i just love too much and i over project and then when i#don’t get the same things in return i feel like people actually don’t like me or secretly are tryin to separate from me idk it’s shitty i#hate it so bad i want a normal brain this shitnfucking sucks#my brain is going too hard now tho i need to stop before i spiral for real right here right now on tumblr dot com
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