#i honestly was planning on stopping at two pages (and only 3 per page at that) but there's been so many cool additions since i left

[fictionalmenmakemecry]

Fuckin' with the Ecosystem- Chapter 3

Characters: Carmy Berzatto x Reader

Summary: With Carmy receiving Mikey's goodbye letter and you coming to understand the dire financial state of the restaurant, emotions are flying high. The nightmare doesn't let up until Carmy stumbles upon a fuck ton of money which leads him to ask you a very important question.

Warnings: Suicide mention, anxiety, cursing, alcohol.

A/n: This took way longer than I originally planned. This chapter is a long one and there's a lot of emotions. I wanted to make sure I did it right. I'm really enjoying writing this series and honestly I could write about Carmy all day, everyday! I've got big plans coming for this story so let me know if you want me to start a tag list. Please let me know what you think! Any interaction is super helpful for me :)

If you haven't read, here's: Chapter 1 and Chapter 2

Enjoy!

It's Tuesday, and you're very aware of the days slipping through your fingers. When booking your flights, you thought two weeks would be too long but thought it wouldn't be bad to have some left over time to check out Chicago. Now that you're here, you were worried you weren't going to have enough time to go through everything with Carmy before heading back.

You arrive at the restaurant at 9 am to see Carmy already here and the others starting to filter in. As per usual, Marcus has been in since 7am, exploring the world of dessert making.

You take a sip from your hot coffee before reaching over for the leatherbound book on the other end of the desk. You've only flipped through it lightly not seeing anything that would be any importance. But you decided to have a deeper look to see if you're missing anything.

You open it and start scanning it. Each page consisted of a list of numbers with no order or description. Some of them crossed out, other not. The further you studied it, the more confused you got.

Was this the way Mikey was keeping track of this debts? You thought to yourself resting your forehead on your hand as you continued to flick through the pages.

"Carmy" you called out seeing him walk past the office.

He paused and leaned into the doorway, his hair more chaotic than usual.

"Uhh.. you a'ight?" You checking in on him noticing his messy state.

"Y-yeah, good, Why?" He questioned.

You shook your head slightly, remembering the actual reason why you stopped him.

"I'm going through Mikey's notebooks and seeing if there's any notes he may written down, and I stumbled on KBL electric, ring any bells?" You asked moving the book closer to him.

He leans down and furrowed his brows, pausing for a moment. His arm resting on the back of the chair you're sitting on.

"Uhh.." He raised his eyebrows.

His eyes continued to stare at the notebook like his mind was searching for the connection. You noticed his curls sticking up awkwardly and smiled to yourself.

"No...no idea" He eventually said.

You paused for a moment before flicking a couple of pages and point your finger to the same words but with $300,000 scribbled underneath.

"This?" You asked again.

He shook his head and stood up. He had no clue what that was about. Mikey was known for not being clear, but this was a joke at this stage. He made a mental note on how important bookkeeping was going to be when this place got sorted. He was not going to go through this nightmare again.

"Mornin'" Richie yawned strolling by, sporting an original beef zipped hoodie.

"Cousin" Carmy called at him, making him take a few steps back.

You glance up at him and noticed the tiredness still clinging to his eyes.

"Do you have any idea what this is about?" Carmy gestured to the desk looking over at him.

Richie readjusted the strap on his shoulder of his bag and took a step forward. He leaned in, bringing his eyes to the page.

"KBL electric" He said to himself, thinking.

"Fuck if I know" He flickered his eyes and gave a shrug before continuing his way to his locker.

Carmy brought his hand to his forehead, pushing his hair back. He let out deep exhale, continuing to look at the writing in the book.

"Look, maybe I'll come across something else that might give us a hint." You said, tucking a stray hair behind your ear.

"I'll let you know if I see anything else." You brought your eyes back down to the book.

"Sounds good." Carmy stayed there for a beat before going back into the kitchen.

Time goes by, you have no idea how long it been. You hear a light cough and look up to see Marcus.

"Shit!" You gasped to yourself, completely startled.

"Fuck Marcus, a little warning? Maybe a knock?" You said putting your hand on your chest, feeling your racing heart.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He smiled looking down at you.

You brought your eyes down to see him holding a freshly made donut covered in icing sugar. He placed the plate on the desk.

"This looks.. unreal" You grinned picking up the donut glancing up at him.

"Yeah, well... I thought if I was gonna to really start nailing this down, I needed to learn the classics first." Marcus licked his lips, waiting for me to take my first bite.

You take a bite, a big one, making sure you get some of the filling. The dough is fresh and pulls away so delicately. Once you get a couple of chews in, the filling hits your tongue. The sweetest jam awakens your tastebuds. You raise your eyebrows out of pure instinct of how unexpectedly delicious it is. You pull away the donut and look at it to see the rich red filling oozes out of the donut. You bring your finger up to it to catch it before any of it drips off.

"Mhhmm...Dahhmmn Marcus." You called out with your mouth half full with donut.

He instantly beams, shining that big bright smile at you.

"Good?" He asked, angling his head.

"Fuck yeah, way better than good!" You complimented.

You lean in for another bite and stop.

"I can have the rest of this, right?" You double-checked looking up at him.

He nodded, chuffed with himself that he could get someone to react to his baking that way. With Syd and Carmy being critical about his previous attempts, he lacked the little bit of confidence.

You take another bite and enjoy the perks of being around a training prodigy of a pastry chef.

"Mmhh you show..mhh Syd... yet?" You asked with a mouthful of donut.

"Not yet.. I don't think I'm there yet. " He shook his head, putting his hands on his beanie.

"Marcus! Nah, I'm changing that." You swallowed and put the half ate donut back on the plate.

"Syd! Sy-" You yelled out leaning out the doorway over his shoulder.

"No, no- needa still fix-" Marcus put up his hands, trying to block the doorway. It didn't take a second before the swinging door opened.

"Yea?" She popped her head out, wondering what the commotion was.

"You gotta try this!" You said excitedly, glancing up at Marcus.

The grin was gone off his face and replaced with a slightly nervous one. You gave a slight apologetic one back, not wanting him to hate you after this. You reached for the donut handing the plate to Syd at the door way.

As she took a bite, you looked over to Marcus, who had his lips pressed into a fine line.

You both watched her, waiting for her reaction. She took a bite and chewed. After a few seconds, her eyebrows shot up, and she continued to feel the donut's texture between her two fingers, as she was eating it.

"Marcus, this is the shit." She looked up finally giving a big smile before giving him a playful punch in the arm.

The tension from Marcus shoulders melted away. He brought his hands up to his head and took a deep breath, a smile appeared on his face.

Marcus was still new to all of this and wanted to learn as much as possible. He didn't want to get too carried away though. From time to time he felt overwhelmed with all the guidance he would get from Carmy and Syd. He wouldn't know how to use that knowledge to make his recipes better. They were already so established in the flavors they liked. He was only starting to understand the basics.

"I have one recommendation, though." Syd sucked her lip in, still tasting the donut on her lips.

"Yeah, of course." Marcus looked at her eagerly, waiting for her response.

"The filling might be a little too sweet." She explained, dipping her fingertip in the red ooze that had spilled onto the plate and bringing it up to her mouth.

"Okay, that's fair" He agreed.

"Do you still have some of it left?" She asked

Marcus nodded looking at her.

"Here, let me show you something." She turns around heading to the kitchen with Marcus following her.

"Marcus!" You called him making him glance back at you.

"I think it was perfect" You grinned mocking a chefs kiss

"Heard" He chuckled, heading to the kitchen.

Before you know it, it's already Wednesday. You can tell that fatigue is catching. You wake up at 10:30am, sleeping through two of your alarms. You groaned out of bed still feeling like you need another six hours before it even makes a dent in your exhaustion. You unlock your phone to a text from Carmy.

Need to talk bills, let me know when you're in.

You check the time of the message. 6:30am

You get to the restaurant at noon and to say things were hectic, was an understatement. You popped your head into the kitchen to hear Carmy yelling orders more frantically than normal. No one saying a word. You noticed the line of tickets stacked up and thought maybe you would wait a bit for it to calm down.

You head to the office to see Richie on the chair scrolling on his phone.

"Mornin' sweetheart" He glanced up.

"What happened?" You asked taking your coat off.

"Sydney fucked up. That's what happenin'. Cousin blew his fuckin' head, told Syd to get the fuck out. Keep away if I was you" He got up and stretched.

"Gotta go back out now and fuckin' deal with this train wreck, fuck me." He groaned rubbing his face.

"Good luck with that," you grinned sitting down on the warmed up chair.

"Gonna need it." He mumbled, making his way back to the front.

You heard the door open and Carmy voice bellowed with anger before the door closed again and it was muffled.

Carmy stabbed the last ticket on the stack of paper and looked up at the clock. It was the fastest four hours that went by. The relief that overcame him knowing that they got through that catastrophe.

"Housekeeping chefs" He announced wiping the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand.

"Yes Chef" They replied as the start to clean up the mess around them.

He made his way to the office to see you sitting there.

"Wha-"

"Don't ask" He stated in the doorway pushing back his hair with both hands.

"Okay" You said taken aback by the bluntness.

He watched you for a moment. You had various bills in front of you. All with the dooming "overdue" print on it.

It was moments like this that he wished he could just walk out. The feeling of drowning in anxiety was unbearable. He didn't have the energy to fight it. He thought about just shutting the place down. Just accept defeat. Try and move on, maybe walk away from cooking for a beat. He would leave Chicago and not tell anyone. Just get away from everything for a couple of months. If he was honest with himself, he didn't even know if that's what he needed. He's been neglecting his needs for so long he didn't know what he actually wanted from life anymore.

You looked up at him after minutes of silence. He wasn't present anymore. He was completely dissociated. You did say anything. You continued to look at the money flow, the account book you put together last week.

"Sorry, I was-" He rubbed his eyes, waking himself up from the negative thoughts.

"Just so fuckin' tired" He mumbled taking another couple of steps in.

You clicked your pen a couple of times thinking about how to phrase the news you had.

"So...What's up?" He asked bringing his full attention to you.

He felt your hesitation.

"That bad huh?" He breathed out.

You looked up to see his face was red and his eyes tired. His hair was wet with sweat.

"Y-Yeah, it is" you pressed your lips together.

You pointed the end of the pen to the electric bill.

"You only have enough money to cover electric bill or your produce order." You said straight out.

"Fffuck," He said quietly, looking down at the bill.

"When does the electric bill have to be paid?" He asked

"In 4 days"

Carmy head dropped, his eyes closed, and he took a deep breath. He wasn't even sure if this nightmare was real anymore. He didn't think anymore shit could get more fucked.

"Carmy"

He brought his eyes to you.

"Let me help," you started, knowing he wasn't going to like what was going to come out of your mouth.

"Let me cover this bill, just so-"

"No fuckin' way. No. " He raised his hand, stopping you in your tracks.

"Bu-"

"Stop, not happenin'." He snapped.

He glared into you, not wanting you to say another word about your ideas.

He couldn't even fathom the idea of you pumping your own money into the place. He's not even paying you. What type of owner would he be - or even a friend? It was bad enough that he had to sell his own sentimental belongings just to have meat to work with for the next day.

"I'll figure somethin' out," he stated.

He sat down at the bench between the lockers. He rested his arms on his thigh, bent over with his head in his hands. Today was.... he couldn't even think of a word. Every time he thinks this place can't go anywhere, it hits a different rock bottom. It's been in his possession for 3 weeks. It'll be closed in the next three if something doesn't change.

He felt a body sit beside him on the bench and gave a side eye. Richie sat next to him. Richie was the last person he needed to talk to right now. He couldn't deal with his bullshit.

Richie leaned over behind the locker and picked up a white envelope before sitting back on the bench. There was a beat of silence between them.

If there was ever a time where Richie felt would be the right moment to give Carmy this. It would be now. He looked over to see Carmy completely defeated and exhausted. Since arriving here, Carmy has put all his energy into this place, and it has fucked him every way possible.

Richie felt relief when Carmy arrived one morning on his doorstep. After the funeral, Richie had chaos released on him. Mikey's family asked when Carmy would come back to take over the restaurant. Sugar trying to contact both of them, to grasp any information on what was happening. Richie didn't know anything and now had to handle taking over the place with no idea what to do. To see Carmy in front of him, he had never been happier seeing him than that day.

Carmy looked over, his face change from fed up to anxious instantly, noticing what was in Richie's hand. Carmy recognized the writing and felt his heart pick up. The writing scrawled on the front with a black ink.

To Carmy,

From Mikey.

Carmy hesitantly took it off of him, not lifting his stare from it.

"What is this?" He asked concerned, looking at Richie.

Richie gestured his hands. He didn't know what to say.

"I don't know," he murmured.

Carmy eyes flickered between the envelope and Richie, not understanding what was happening.

"Richie, wh-what the fuck is this?" Carmy spoke up, grasping the envelope with a firmer grip.

"I don't know..." Richie shook his head gently.

"...And I didn't really want to give it to you 'cause.... it meant he was gone. Um, but, uh..." He broke off, feeling his stomach churn.

Carmy looked at him, feeling pain in his chest. He watched Richie, seeing the grief cascade over his face and realize he wasn't the only one going through this. Carmy placed his hand on Richie leg, Richie brought his arm to Carmy's back and for that moment, they both felt the devastation of Mikey presence finally gone. They sat there for a while before Richie got up, giving Carmy the space he needed.

It ran through Carmy's mind if he should even open the letter. Was it worth the wound that was going to be torn up with reading it. He didn't know if he was going to have the strength to continue today.

He needed to go elsewhere. No fucking way was he having the chance of anyone catching him in this sorry state. He made his way to a side alley next to the building. The cold air hitting his red hot skin making it feel like it was on fire. His heart was thumping. He got on his honkers and stared at it.

Maybe, he should wait til' he's home tonight?

Fuck it, he thought to himself.

He stared at it, in his shaky hands, before taking a deep inhale.

"Stupid" He whispered to himself not wanting to make a big deal out of this.

Even though this was going to be the last contact he was going to have with his brother. It was final. Mikey had the last say. After all the time of Carmy thinking Mikey left him nothing. Somehow, this felt worse because he knew for certain Mikey had this all planned. It made it more real than just hearing about it from people's mouths.

Carmy bit his lip, his feelings whelming up inside, finally it was hitting him.

He flipped it over and start ripping it open quickly.

There it was. Two small sentences in the center of the page.

I love you dude.

Let it rip

His eyes ran over the words again and again. Hearing Mikey voice in his head. Carmy choked back tears, bringing his hand up to his face, his eyes never leaving the words. The lump in his throat became unbearable. He felt his body start to tremble. The pain in his chest became stronger to the point that he held his breath to ease the strain.

After a moment, he took a breath in, feeling agony wash over him.

"Fuck you.. fuck you" He sniffled.

He knew it was going to hit him. It did. This scrap of paper made all the feelings he have been brewing since getting the phone call finally come up.

He took deep breaths and looked up. He focused on trying not to lose it completely. The wave of grief over swept him like he was drowning. The tightness in his chest constricting and releasing.

He flipped over the piece of paper and saw the family's spaghetti recipe wrote on the back. No instructions, just the ingredients. A small smile crept up on his face.

After a few minutes of steady breathing, he pulled himself together. He put the letter into the envelope and shoved it in his pocket.

He went back into the kitchen to see everyone prepping. He noticed Richie's eyes following him as he weaved through the station.

"You a'ight?" Richie whispered, coming up behind him.

Carmy nodded before reaching up for a 28oz can of tomato sauce.

"I'm.. gonna make spaghetti. I need to clear my head for a bit, " he mumbled, bringing it to the countertop.

"Uhh.. okay" Richie hesitated before giving a worried look to Tina.

She shrugged her shoulders making her way to the walk-in.

Carmy knew prep needed to get done but he just needed sometime to turn off his thoughts and get lost in cooking without thinking about it. He wanted his body to go into autopilot.

He added the garlic cloves to the pot and poured in an eye measurement of oil, clicking on the gas ring until a flame emitted on the surface. In another pan, he had half onions getting fried in butter. As they sizzled away, he leaned over to grab a can opener and opened one of the cans before dumping the contents with the onion.

He saw hints of green mixed with the tomatoes and shoved it around to see it was a lump of something. He grabbed it and wiped away the remaining sauce surrounding it.

"There's no fuckin' way" He said to himself tearing off the clear wrapping on the suspicious looking bundle of money. The hundred dollar number facing back at him, he couldn't believe his eyes.

"Cousin!" He urgently yelled not taking his eyes off the hundred dollar notes in his hand.

"Yo!"

"HELP" He shouted back coming to the realization of what might be happening.

You heard the racket from the office, hoping it wasn't another meltdown situation. As you entered the kitchen you saw everyone walk past your with cans and cans of tomatoes.

"Get you ass to work, Chica," Tina grinned.

"What?" You asked, completely confused about what was going on.

"Money." She beamed before continuing her way.

You went to where the cans where stored to see Richie stacking them on a metal tray.

"You're not gonna fuckin' believe this" He snickered.

That evening Carmy gave you the run down of what he thought Mikey did. He showed you the KBL on the lid of the unsuspicious can of tomato sauce. The hint that you were looking for was right into front of you the whole time. Everyone walked past those cans 50 times a day, not blinking an eye. Hidden in plain sight.

For the rest of the evening, everyone got plenty of practice on their can opening skills. Tomato sauce was everywhere. Everyone emptying the cans and pulling out bundles of money. Richie was tallying it up with his calculator. Syd came to join us, completely unaware of the jacket pot that landed on all of you during the day. Carmy spoke to her about what the money could do for them. For the restaurant, and with that, she was reeled it.

Everyone was at an all time high with the sudden change in events, Carmy decided that service wasn't happening for the rest of the day. He knew everyone needed one night of blowing off steam for, hopefully, the new chapter ahead that he had in his mind.

"How many should I get?" You asked dialing the number on the office phone.

"Uh... 10?" Carmy suggested, scratching back of his head.

You order several types of Chicago deep dish pizzas with excited muffled voices in the other room.

You hung up the phone after making the order and looked over at Carmy who was still standing there, dissociated or exhausted or maybe both.

"Well we finally got the hint" You smiled putting the phone back on the desk.

He snapped out of his trance.

"Oh yea, you could say that" He gave a little smile.

You could both hear the happy chatter over in the next room with Richie's booming voice echoing the most.

"My sister, Suga, is coming over."

"Oh that's great"

In the time you were working with Carmy, he would only really bring up Sugar. You knew Mikey existed but Sugar's name came up the most in conversation. You would also see him get phone calls from her time to time.

Richie went to collect the pizzas. You and Carmy joined everyone in the side room. Tina was chatting to Sydney, helping her lay out the long table. Marcus in the corner hooking up his phone with Richie small speaker. Everyone else was scattered around the room talking.

"Hey!" A blonde woman walked in with a big smile on her face.

Carmy instantly drew her into a hug. He leaned back glancing at me before looking back at her.

"This is Suga" He introduced me to her

She smiled over at me and opened her arms to me.

"Oh my god, it's great to finally meet you. Carmy has told me a lot about you over the years" Suga gave me a squeeze before pulling away.

"Really?" You said surprised, not even thinking he would bring you up to other people.

"Same here!" You grinned back.

"We gotta talk later about what the hell is going on" She side mouthed to Carmy before making her way to Tina who was already greeting her.

Richie finally came back with the pizzas and everyone started digging in. You found yourself stuck in a conversation with Richie and Fak

"I swear to fuckin' God it happened" Richie exclaimed telling the story on how Bill Murray is his voicemail.

"I've heard it and it's true" Fak reassuringly nodded at you.

You shook your head in disbelief, knowing it was going to rile up Richie.

"C'mon, you fuckin' believe me, ight?" Richie turned his head to you.

"Well, to be honest, I would have to hear it." You shrugged your shoulders, giving a quick cheeky smile to Fak.

"Fuck it, do you have your phone?"

Fak and I both shook our heads.

"Let me get my phone" Richie felt his pockets trying to place his.

"Hold up" He raised his hand before he walks off towards the kitchen on the mission to find his phone.

As your eyes followed Richie walk out, your sight landed on Carmy sitting at the table talking to Sugar about this evening. You notice his hand was in his hair as he listened to her.

You tell Fak that you're going to get something to drink, asking him if he wanted anything. He said he was good before getting distracted with a song that Marcus had just put on. He boogied his way to Marcus, reeling him in on a fake fishing line.

You made your way to grab a beer out of one of the ice buckets on the table.

"I see you." You hear a voice, and you look down to see Tina sitting at the table picking at her leftover crust.

"Huh?"

She smiled suspiciously before gesturing you to sit down across from her.

"So, how long have you've been..." She rolls her eye towards Carmy at the end of the table.

You glanced over to see him still occupied with Sugar.

"I have no i-"

"Naw, don't play dumb with me. I see the looks you give each other" She narrowed her eyes stilling grinning.

You finally caught on to what she was on about and immediately chuckled.

"Oh no, noth- we're just friends." You smiled, feeling caught off guard on what to say.

"Not in my eyes," she quipped back, taking a drink from her beer.

You looked over to Carmy, and caught him looking at you and immediately took his eyes away. You felt shy all of a sudden. You tried to think back to see if there were any times you and Carmy seemed to be closer to than friends, especially from people looking from the outside in. Nothing came to mind.

"I'm telling you Chica, I'm not judging. Just wonderin' how long has it been going on"

"Well we've never been... together that way" You felt embarrassed explaining to Tina.

She pulled back with her eyebrows raised

"You coulda fooled me" She remarked.

"Here! Here listen" Richie came over shoving his phone in your hand.

You brought the phone up to your ear and on the other end was the voice of Bill Murray.

"Damn," you said to yourself, seeing Richie grin become bigger.

"Fuckin' told you"

You were impressed that you could actually hear Bill Murray and realized that Richie wasn't lying. It's not that you didn't believe him, but maybe didn't take everything he said to heart.

You felt a tap on your shoulder and looked over to see Carmy behind you.

"Wanna talk to you in the office, for a min" He said with a serious tone.

You nodded handing the phone back to Richie. You got up and felt Tina eyes not leaving you until you walked out of the room.

For some reason, your stomach did a flip. What was this about. This is the most relaxed the place has been since you've arrived here. But you could tell Carmy was far from relaxed.

He sat in the chair in the office before leaning over to pull out a foldable chair for you to sit on. As you sat down, you noticed his leg jittering. His inked fingers were tapping on the desk like he was thinking about something.

"Uh.. So I was talkin' to Suga and explainin' everything that happened with the tomato cans and money." He started looking at you.

"She saw all the paper you helped filed and I told her about all the late nights you've been here. Non stop..." He further explained.

As he went on, tension was in the air. You had no idea what he was going on about but him talking more and more made you nervous.

"Carmy" You stated trying to get him to the point.

"Uh.. sorry- fuck" He pushed his hair back and looked down.

"You've been a massive fuckin' help to us. This is crazy to even bring up, so don't worry if you don't wanna..." He continued to ramble.

"I wanna offer you a position here," He finally said.

"What?" You stunned by what just came out of his mouth.

"I wanna offer you a job. I've talked to everyone, and they would love to have you here. It makes sense. You're already caught up on the financial situation, and I trust you."

"Move to Chicago?" You looked down, picking your fingers nervously.

"Uh, y-yeah. I know it's a big ask. I know I still have to pay you for the two weeks, too. But everyone would hate to see you go and-"

"Everyone?" You sputtered out, only realizing after, you said it out loud.

You looked up into his eyes. His blue stare gazing back to you.

"... I w-would, " He stuttered, breaking a small smile.

You felt your heart skip. The thought of moving to Chicago made your stomach flutter. The idea of coming to this place every week made you smile. But most importantly, seeing Carmy daily gave you a weird comfort.

"I have big plans for this place. I would only want people by my side that I know I can count on. One of them is you." He tapped his fingers on the desk lightly.

Your mind went to all the things you would have to start organizing. Your old apartment, moving furniture, driving back to Chicago. It was a lot, especially by yourself.

"I don't know how long-"

"Don't worry, there's no rush. Take the time you need to move here." He scrambled, feeling he was asking a lot from you.

There was a moment of silence between you both. He could tell you were overwhelmed.

"I wanna help you move..." He spoke up, seeing the unexpected look on your face.

".. if only you want," he added not wanting to be too forward.

"Are you sure?" You pressed your lips into fine line.

"Yea, yeah, with both of us, it would be faster. Plus, everyone here could start breaking this place down. " He motioned to his surroundings.

"Look, I'm not asking for an answer now. But, think about it ?" He leaned closer.

You nodded, looking back at him.

Carmy wanted you to say yes. He didn't want to say goodbye. Over the last few weeks, he's gotten used to seeing you. Him going to you moments when he felt everything was falling apart. The rising anxiety he felt imagining you flying off at the end of the week. Him not seeing you come in with coffee for him in the morning. Him making you a quick bite, knowing you would have forgotten to eat all day. In this short period of time, he fell into a routine with you.

The only thing giving him peace was that this place was going to be hectic when it came to renovation that he'll hopefully be too busy to notice you were gone.

"Marcus made us cake! Get some before it's all gone with Richie fat ass. " Tina smirked, leaning into the doorway.

"Go ahead, ill be out in a min" Carmy ushered you away with him staying behind.

"Lovebirds," She muttered, wagging her eyebrows mockingly.

You rolled your eyes, giving her light shove.

Everyone dug into the moist, delicious, double layered chocolate cake. They uttered compliments to Marcus as they took their first bites. It was the perfect thing to end the crazy day. Carmy finally joined you all and picked up a piece of cake that Sydney was guarding against Fak, who wanted seconds.

You both kept separate sides of the room but felt each other's stares. Whatever was growing between each other, you're both hoping it was a wave that would fade away. Just the novelty after not seeing each other for so long. Or maybe the fact that you might not see each other again.

You wanted to think about this straight. It would be easy to get caught up in the fantasy of starting a new life here. You had to think things through, talk to your parents. You knew they were going to question you when it came to your incentives to moving to Chicago. You were apprehensive bringing up Carmy, knowing them hearing a boy's name will ring alarm bells. Did you really want to move to Chicago? Do you really want to commit to a restaurant that doesn't even exist yet? Were you putting yourself through all this trouble just to please a close friend of yours?

These were all questions that were causing you anxiety. You pushed those thoughts out of your head wanting to enjoy one fun night with these group of people that you've become so close with.

"Shots! Shots! Shots!" Richie shouted raising the bottle of Tequila entering the room.

"Here's to a new fuckin' start Cousin!" Richie yelled wrapping his arm around Carmy shoulder pulling him in closer to him.

Carmy grinned, for once giving in to Richie hyper emotions and wrapped his arm around him. His eyes travelled across the room and landed on you. He gestured for you to come over. Richie was pouring shots for everyone. Even if you didn't want one, it didn't seem to be an option.

"I just wanna say.. that I know the last month has been hell" Carmy spoke up bringing the attention to him.

"But, this is the beginning of something bigger than all of us and I know we'll be able to pull it off..." He glanced to everyone holding his cup of tequila.

"So let's make this place something we're proud of...." He paused bringing his cup up.

"and let it rip" He announced

Everyone brought their cups together before downing the tequila.

Chapter 4

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[askfireballmechanic]

round two of other peoples’ muses!! we got a whole rainbow goin on this time!

hope i’m doing right by y’all with these doodles btw, i know i’m a little rusty when it comes to drawing other people’s ocs B’)

this round features @askdoodlesthemedic , @tf2-asktheagent , @ask-prettyboyscout , @ask-pocket-heals , @avianassistants , and @askborrowermedic !

[deniigi]

sorry to bother again but i am a freshman in college and i am v stressed

how did you get through it and how do I make myself not want to drop every single class i’m in every semester

how does one take more than 5 classes at a time

i am in midterm hell and i am Scared™️

oh you mean, ‘Matt, please do your actual literal job on main?’ Because this is sort of my actual literal job, friend. So don’t worry. I’ve got you.

So first thing’s first, when planning future semesters:

I would recommend against taking more than 5 classes at a time. Mathematically, it is not great for you. If you have to take more than 5, plan on doing 1-2 to during summer school. You won’t be behind. You’re fine. I swear.

Example for future class planning: For every class, look at the number of units/credits it is. That is around the number of hours that you’re gonna spend in that class a week. Now multiply that by 2. That’s about the number of hours total you’re gonna spend on that class in a week (both in class and doing homework).

That means that a 3 unit/credit class = 6 hours of work per week.

You have five of those classes. That means that you’re doing around 30hrs of school work a week. If you have six of those classes, you’re practically working a fulltime job with little to no pay and benefits.

End story: Do not take more than 5 classes a semester if you can help it.

If you can, don’t take more than 4 classes in your major per semester, either. You will die. Use electives and general education classes as your fourth or fifth class to lighten your load and give yourself something that you enjoy and know you can pass for sure. That will give you some breathing room and will help you maintain your GPA.

Coping with Overload now:

At this point in the semester, it’s a little late to be dropping classes, so what you’re going to do instead is to schedule the fuck out of your time.

You need to pick and stick to set dates/times for completing coursework and midterm projects for the next week or two. People do this in different ways, but generally speaking, people will assign projects/homework to certain days.

Example: Monday is Chemistry homework night because assignments are due on Wednesday. You only work on Chemistry on Monday. You finish the assignment and turn it in.

Tuesday is English homework day because assignments are papers and take 3 days to complete due to requiring 3 different steps: research, outlining, and writing. You do the whole researching process on Tuesday and do a basic outline. You will fill out the outline a little more on Wednesday and will then write the whole paper on Thursday so that you can turn it in then, before the Friday deadline.

On Wednesday, after you’re satisfied with your English outline, you will set that aside because Wednesdays are Math days. You will do the Math homework and/or study for 2-3 hours until your brain feels like soup. Then you will stop, do something relaxing for 30min, and then decide if you need to do more studying. If you do, repeat the study + self-care process. Go to sleep at a reasonable hour (before 2am if possible)

Do the same thing for your other 2 classes, assigning each a day and a specific task or set of tasks to complete on each day. Don’t give yourself more than 3 tasks per class/study session, because that’s how you get overwhelmed and into an anxiety spiral.

Apply self-care (breaks, snacks, drinks, music) liberally while doing assignments.

Other tips: figure out how you study.

If you study best in a group, grab some folks from your class and form a study group. If you are in STEM especially, it is expected that you will form study groups. This is how studying happens in STEM, medical, and law fields. It is nigh impossible to do all that labor on your own. Yes, I am serious. Make a study group, even if that’s you and 1 other person.

If you can find a study guide, take it to study group or block out an hour or two and do the whole thing. If you don’t have a study guide, make one yourself out of your homework/assignments and test yourself with flashcards or writing out definitions and forcing yourself to explain the different parts of cycles you learned in class.

If you are in a humanities/liberal arts major, you need to figure out if you study best by reviewing your notes, by re-listening to the lectures, by explaining concepts to others, or by writing it all out as if it was an essay.

If you need to write an essay and are stuck with where to start, reach out for help from a tutor if your school has one, or just start by doing 15 minutes of brainstorming to figure out what you feel about the topic and what evidence/ideas would work to answer it. Pick apart the prompt to see what it is truly asking you to do, write out the components of the prompt separately on a separate page and start answering those question as if they were short answers.

Then when you’ve got that, you can start noting bits of evidence to add to support your points and BAM, just like that, you’ve got an outline. Write a thesis statement at the top that addresses the Who, What, Why and How You’re Going to Prove it of your essay and you’re ready to go.

Example thesis statement: “The world represented in Oh God, How do I Study by Matt Deniigiq includes references to time management, course planning, and big-picture thinking to emphasize the broader theme that this one shit semester is not going to destroy student’s lives. This is evident in the droll humor used throughout the piece and the fact that the author keeps halting in paragraphs to answer emails from frazzled students.”

**yes, your thesis can be 2 sentences long. It’s allowed, I promise.

Know that these 5 classes will not end your life.

Honestly, like, speaking as someone who does this for a living, at public schools anything higher than a C is grand. It’s not usually required for you to list your GPA on job apps later on (I’ve never been asked). No one actually cares about your GPA in social situations.

As long as my students have higher than Cs in their classes and they aren’t like, nursing students, I’m cool with their progress, so give yourself a break if you can.

Also know that getting a low grade in 1 class as a freshmen doesn’t actually fuck up your GPA as bad as you think it will. Like, there’s a lot of complicated shit around this that I could go into, but generally speaking, if you fail one class (and I mean FAIL-fail it. Fs and D-s. None of this ‘UwU I got a C so I failed’), then by the time you’re a junior or a senior, if you haven’t failed additional shit, that F/D- is barely going to shift your GPA.

Like, we’re talking .1 shifts around then. Maybe a .3 shift if you’re at the end of your sophomore year. That’s the diff between a 2.5 and a 2.4. Or a 3.3 and a 3.0. You can make that up almost entirely by taking another round of classes and getting As and Bs (again, the mechanics are complicated, so you’re just gonna have to take my word here).

So yeah, shoot for Cs or higher and know that these classes aren’t the end-all be-alls of your lives.

(For context, if I get a student with a 3.0 or higher, I’m fucking ELATED. I’m not even joking. Y’all will be fine.) 

--

Start with these tips and get back to me if you want something more specific. I do this all day, every day.

[official-weasley]

Dealing with Everything - (The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley AU)

Warnings: grief with a wholesome ending 💙

Word count: 3,508

Characters: Charlie Weasley and my OC Nova from TICW which you can find here

Nova

“Mum, I don't know how to thank you enough for staying with us this past month.” I placed two cups on the kitchen table and gestured for my mum to join me.

“No need to thank me. You both lost loved ones in the battle, you need time to process everything and recover.” Mum stood up, careful not to wake Aoede who was peacefully sleeping on the sofa.

“Mhm.” I hummed and sat down as my mum joined me.

“I know I ask you every day but how are you? And please try saying something else than you being fine. Aoede is sleeping so you have no excuse not to talk about your feelings.”

“Honestly, I don't know how to deal with it.” I felt tears gathering in my eyes. “I never thought I would have to attend a funeral of one of my closest friends while we're still in our twenties. And then seeing Charlie so down, not being his cheerful self, sleeping most of the time and eating a meal per day and even that has to be forced. And then there's her,” I nodded to where Aoede was sleeping, “it is so unfair to her for her parents being so absent. She deserves all the love and attention and I know she misses spending time with her dad and I...” I took a deep breath. “...I just force a smile and hug her as much as I can but it's not fair to her. I just...I can't help it, mum, I...”

“Shhh.” Mum pulled me in a hug as tears started running down my face. “It's okay, sweetheart. It's reasonable for you to feel this way and trust me, Aoede is too young to notice that you are hiding your emotions. I have been with you every day since you came back and you are doing great with her.”

“Really?” I sniffed.

“You will have enough time to love her as you think she deserves to be loved and I admire you for being so strong and laughing and having a good time with her.” Mum bestowed me with a small smile.

“She's the only thing that makes me smile every day.”

“Give it time, sweetheart. You will heal.” She brushed her fingers through my hair.

“I know. It's just...it's so hard. I can't even explain what happened to me when I saw Nymphadora like that and then all those thoughts about Teddy losing both his parents and thinking that the same thing could happen to Aoede, it completely destroyed me.” I buried my face in my hands.

“She was one of your best friends, Nova. It's only natural.” Mum tried calming me down.

“And the worst part is is that it wasn't as painful when dad died and I feel so guilty for that.”

I bit my tongue when I said that. I didn't mean to ever say it out loud, especially not in front of mum but it has been eating me alive.

“Nova, you were 14 when you lost your dad. We process death in a different way at that age and you said it yourself that now looking back you would react differently than you did and you didn't lose anyone else close to you until now and you're 25 years old now. You see things differently. You said you cried your eyes out and 5 minutes after that you went to find Harry to see how he was doing while you were falling apart yourself. When your dad died you didn't even know how you got to the Burrow that's how wrapped up in your grief you were.”

“I guess,” I shrugged my shoulders, “we were never close but I had this need to tell him that everything will be okay.”

“You have that after your dad.” Mum smiled at me. “He also put others first no matter how down he was.”

“Well, I have to be strong for my daughter and I have to be there for Charlie. Yes, losing Tonks has been hard and I know I won't be over it any time soon but Charlie lost a brother and I feel so helpless.” A new set of tears ran down my cheeks, me looking at the stairs that lead to the upper floor.

“I know how grateful you were when Charlie was by your side when your dad passed away, just remember what he did back then. You two are so similar and nobody knows him as you do. I am sure you will find a way to comfort him.”

“I will think of something,” I said absentmindedly.

“And while you do, I will be here for you both and help you around the house and with your beautiful baby girl.”

“Thank you, mum.” I sniffed and she pulled me into a tight hug.

“I told you to stop thanking me. Now that the war is over and I can retire, I can finally make up for all the lost time that I couldn't spend with you.” She smiled at me.

“Well, we love having you around and we have more than enough room so you are welcome to stay for as long as you want to.”

“Does Charlie still have nightmares?” Mum whispered after a minute.

“Yeah, he wakes up at least once per night. It's either Fred or Tonks.” I said, not even trying to hide the concern in my voice.

Ever since we came back Charlie has been having nightmares every night about his brother and our friend being killed or in a situation where he couldn't help them. Even if he denies it, I know he is trying to blame himself for what happened. Perhaps not so much for Tonks as for Fred, but the guilt is there.

“Can you watch over Aoede so I can go and check on Charlie? Perhaps I'll have more luck getting him downstairs for lunch for a change.” I said after a few minutes of us both sipping our tea in silence.

“Of course.”

“Char.” I gently knocked on the door of our bedroom.

“I'm awake.” I heard him say in a husky voice.

“Hi.” I smiled at him, happy to see him sit on the bed instead of lay in it. “What are you doing?”

“I am going through the family album.” He tapped on the bed for me to sit next to him.

I sat down and he turned the pages to get back at the beginning.

“Look, it's me and Bill when we were 3 and 5.” Charlie gave out a small chuckle.

“You two had the same haircut?” I giggled.

Arthur gave him the photo album when we moved to Romania and every time Charlie felt homesick we went through these pictures together. I have seen these photos so many times but I was so happy that Charlie was willing to speak and share it with me right now that I pretended I was seeing them for the first time.

“Hey, don't judge. We were adorable.” Charlie nudged me with his elbow.

“And here is us making cookies. And seeing Percy for the first time. And, oh, look! It's Freddie and Georgie's first birthday.” Charlie tilted his head, thinking I wouldn't be able to see that a tear marked his right cheek.

“It's okay to cry, Charlie,” I said in a whisper.

“I just can't stop, Nova. I am trying to get back on my feet. I want to get out of this room and go back to my everyday life. I want to play with our daughter and hear her giggle and I want to help you around the house. I am so useless and I just lay around all day feeling sorry for myself.” He closed the album and buried his head in my shoulder, sobbing.

“Hey, hey. First of all, you are not useless. I know you don't see it but I am not doing the best either. I don't know what I would do if my mum wouldn't be here to help us and you don't need to worry about the house. It can be a complete mess for all I care if it meant you would get better. Char, you lost a brother, how else are you supposed to feel?” I pressed him harder against my chest, neither of us wanting to let go.

“I just don't know what to do with all this pain. I have never had to deal with death before. How do you do it?” He loosened the grip around me just a little bit and looked up at me with his eyes red and puffy.

“Well, I have learned that talking about your feelings helps. It also feels good to cry and get a big, tight hug.” I pressed my forehead to his and smiled softly.

“It is also very nice when Aoede tells you one of her adventure stories. Honestly, I have no idea who she got such a vivid imagination from.” I smirked.

“Really?” Charlie chuckled. “I would take a wild guess that it's after us since we're both such daydreamers. But it's probably from her uncle Percy.”

“Yeah, probably.” We laughed together for the first time in a month.

“What time is it?” Charlie asked after us being embraced in silence for 15 minutes.

“It's going to be 2 I think,” I whispered.

“Oh, it's Aoede's nap time.”

“She'll wake up soon and I can bring her upstairs if you want.” I couldn't help but grin at him.

I was so proud of him for being so strong and coping with everything as he is. I was just happy that he was willing to talk about his feelings to me and telling me the truth about how he feels.

“No. I'll come downstairs.” He kissed me before getting up and walking to the closet.

“Do we have any plans for lunch yet?” He asked as he pulled a shirt over his head.

“No. I wanted to ask you if you were craving something just that I could make you eat anything.” I answered truthfully.

“I am sorry I have been so stubborn about it.” He bowed his head, sitting back next to me.

“Stop apologizing, Charles. All your behavior is completely normal for someone who is mourning.” I ran my fingers through his hair.

“Could you pull it up in a bun for me? I love when you do it.” He shook his head a bit, making his curly locks fly everywhere.

“It would be my pleasure.” I smiled and reached with my hand to the nightstand where he had a hair tie.

“So, why did you ask what we are having for lunch? What would you like?” I asked as I was trying to comb his hair with my fingers.

“Pancakes.” I felt his body vibrate in a giggle.

“Want to make them together?” I suggested with the biggest smile on my face.

Pancakes weren't only a tradition in our household on Sundays but they were our favorite comfort food too.

“You read my mind, love.” Charlie turned around and kissed me tenderly.

We both looked at the door when we heard Aoede giggle.

“Right on time.” Charlie clapped his hands together excited to spend some time with his daughter.

“I know you are happy to get out of bed and spend some time with us but just know that you don't have to force it if you feel it would do you better just being wrapped in a blanket and sleep all day. Know that we are not mad, we just want you to be okay.” I helped him get up and we started toward the door.

“I know. Thank you for giving me time and I don't know how I will feel tomorrow but right now I want to spend some time with my family.” He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back – I missed his smile so much.

He made us stop halfway downstairs.

“Also, I am thinking of going to see George tomorrow or maybe the day after that. We both lost a brother but he lost a twin and I haven't talked to him at all since...you know.”

“Okay, whatever you have to do.” I entwined our fingers and squeezed them together.

“Also, how are you dealing with everything? I am sorry for being such a lousy husband. I didn't ask you once since we came back.” Tears started gathering in his eyes again.

“I told you to stop apologizing and I am doing okay.” I shrugged and gestured for us to continue walking downstairs.

“Which is Nova language for I have to be strong for you and I don't care how I feel.” He raised his eyebrows at me, extending his arm to reach the wall so I couldn't walk past him.

“No, really, I am okay.”

“Stop lying to me, love. We promised to each other to always share our feelings no matter how bad they are, so stop pretending I don't know you better than that.

“I don't want to talk about it right now.” I blinked a few times, trying to hold in the tears, avoiding Charlie's gaze.

“It's a beautiful day outside. We can ask your mum if she would be willing to go for a walk with Aoede and we can have a proper cuddle session on the sofa and talk it out?” Charlie suggested.

“I think that's a brilliant idea.”

We both turned our heads to my mum who was smiling at us at the bottom of the stairs.

“Mum, Charlie suggested we make pancakes for lunch. Is that okay with you?” I brushed the tear that ran down my cheek and started walking downstairs again.

“Pancakes?!” I heard Aoede jump off the sofa and her little feet running toward us.

“What do you say, Pumpkin? Want to help daddy make pancakes?” Charlie's face lit up when he saw her and picked her up at once, placing a kiss on her cheek.

“Yes, please!” Aoede started clapping excitedly and pointed to the kitchen.

I sat down at the kitchen table along with my mum and watched them make a mess out of the place while making pancakes. One egg smashed on the floor and the flour was everywhere but nobody cared because of how much fun those two were having. Aoede was giggling so much that she hardly had the time to breathe and I heard Charlie genuinely laugh for the first time in a month.

After we were all too full to walk as Charlie and Aoede made way too much pancake dough, we all settled down on the sofa where Aoede fell asleep in Charlie's lap within minutes.

When she woke up my mum took her for a walk as we asked her to and as Charlie promised me, we stayed on the sofa, cuddled, and cried our eyes out while talking about how we feel and miss the people we lost.

I felt so much better talking to him and finding out how he is. I was so afraid for him just being in our bedroom all the time but I was patient and I hoped he would get better with time and as he said, we don't know how we will feel tomorrow, but today was a very good day for both of us.

Charlie

I took a deep breath before I knocked on the door of George's apartment. I didn't know what I was going to say to him. I was more mentally preparing myself to see in what state he is.

I have been a mess for the past month and even though Fred was my brother I didn't see him as often as George did and I definitely wasn't as close to him as he was. Those two were inseparable since they were born.

I felt the need as an older brother to see how he was doing and see if I could help him in any regard.

I wrote to Bill this morning, inviting him and Fleur to visit us in Romania and I wrote to my mum that she could expect us next week. I wasn't all there yet – not even close, but I was good enough to see my family and be a proper husband to Nova and a father to Aoede.

“Charlie, what are you doing here?” George's eyes widened when he opened the door.

“I came to visit you if that's okay.” I smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of my neck.

“Of course it is!” He pulled me in a hug so tight that it took my breath away but I didn't care that I couldn't breathe – it warmed my heart that he was so happy to see me. “Come in, come in!”

“Want some tea or something sweet?” He asked the second he closed the door behind us.

“Tea is fine, thank you.”

“Are you visiting mum and dad or Bill?” He gestured for me to sit down.

“I am only here to see you,” I answered honestly.

“Oh.” He let the word escape his mouth.

“I, uh, I haven't been doing well so I wanted to see how you are doing.” I took the cookie he offered me without asking why he has a full basket of them.

“I'm doing as good as someone can when they lose a brother.” He forced a smile. “Have been baking a lot, thus the cookies. Tell me what you think of them.”

“They are actually really good,” I said with my mouth full, “I had no idea you could bake.”

“Yeah, they are? Neither did I to be honest.” He sat down next to me, waiting for the water to boil.

“Are you alone all the time?” I couldn't hide the concern in my voice.

“Have been at the Burrow for a week but honestly being around mum is kind of depressing. I mean I understand, we are all a bit messed up but it's just not the environment I need right now. Bill visits me a lot and so does Ron. Ginny stayed with me for a week a few days ago and Angelina comes to hang out here and there.”

“How are the others? We are going to visit mum and dad soon but I have completely isolated myself.” I shook my head, I wasn't proud of it.

“I think we are all about the same.” George shrugged his shoulders and I saw that he wasn't keen on talking about our family.

“Should I even ask how you are?” I whispered.

“I miss him so much, Charlie. I feel like a part of me is gone. All our hard work, everything we did together, it's just memories now. I know it's going to be better with time but it's just so hard to think that this feeling inside my chest – the emptiness of him no longer being with us – will ever go away, you know. I never had to deal with something like this, especially not...” He stopped talking when his voice broke and stood up to finish making the tea.

“Me neither but I have some experience when Nova's dad passed away. You know how hard it was for her and if I have learned anything from her is that being patient with yourself, giving yourself time, and talking about it when you feel like it, is what makes it better. I wish there was a spell to make the feelings you have go away but despite being wizards, we are still only human and we have to deal with it the natural way.”

“I know. I just wish I could've been there with him, protect him, perhaps take his place or just be able to say goodbye if nothing else.” George released his tears, staring into his teacup.

“I wish the same but know that whatever you wanted to tell him, he knows.” I stood up and lifted his chin for him to look me in the eyes and hugged him.

“Thank you for taking the time and seeing me. It means more than I could ever say.” He returned the hug.

“If you have too much time on your hands, you can come and visit us in Romania. Spend some time with us. Bond with Aoede a little. Her laugh is contagious and honestly the best for mending your heart. And she loves to help and cook so perhaps you two could make a mess out of the kitchen together and make cookies.” I giggled.

“Truth be told, that sounds like exactly what I need.” He sniffed and gently pulled away.

“You are welcome anytime, brother.” I smiled at him and returned to my seat.

“How about you spend the night here and we go tomorrow?” He smiled back. “Oh, you know what never mind, you probably have other plans.” He hurried to say, his ears turning pink.

“Not at all,” I tapped him twice on the back, “you are definitely coming to Romania with me tomorrow.”

[goldleaf-art]

Fic Writer Interview

(I’ve been focusing more on writing than art lately so why not struggle to answer these questions instead of struggling to write fic!)

Tagged by: @avi17

Name: goldleaf/gold

Fandoms: LotR (like a zillion years ago, from 2010 -2014 I wrote a lot of Aragon/Faramir and no I will not be linking to them due to cringe-factor, ha! They are 100% still publicly viewable though), Hannibal, Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, also currently in the middle of like 4 Stargate Atlantis wips so stay tuned for those

Two-shot: I don’t really ever write continuations or series, but I did do a 3-part thing for LotR once with three different POVs of the same situation, and I’ve written a short coda for a long SGA wip I’m still working on because who said I had to do anything in a logical order. 

Most popular multi-chapter: I’ve only written one multi-chapter thing like 8 years ago for LotR, so I guess it’s the most popular by default! Not sure if drabble collections count, but if so my Hannigram flash-fic collection (and my Hannibal stuff in general actually) was my most popular.

Actual worst part of writing: It’s not even like, the ideas part, or dialogue, or like, any of the content per se, because even when I’m stuck there it normally comes back if I do something else for a bit. It’s just SITTING DOWN AND TYPING. I have the most monumental mental block over just, GETTING STARTED. And I mean, not just starting a fic from the blank page stage - starting any work on anything I’m working on, every single day. Picking up my train of thought from where I left off is so huge a thing I psych myself out every time (even though every time I do sit down I get into a flow at some point anyway so the faffing is usually needless.) I’m procrastinating working on fic by writing this post right now! 

How you choose your titles: okay this is the second worst part of writing. I either take a line from the fic or just make up something that sounds clever but is ultimately meaningless honestly, by the time I’m getting around to the title I’m exhausted so it’s never that deep, ha. 

Do you outline: like, vaguely? I'm historically a pantser though and through, but I have started noting down stuff I know needs to happen later on and in what order, if it’s a longer thing, whether I stick to that or even remember what the story is about is another matter. I fell into this trap with my current wip - had a vague plan, got to like, 20k and started having a crisis because none of it made sense and it took a lot of rewriting and throwing stuff out and editing forever to sort it into coherence, and it’s finally turning into a story? I hope?! 

Ideas I probably won’t get around to but wouldn’t it be nice: I literally can’t think of anything because I've been so out of the fic game for so long generally speaking. I guess at the moment I'd love to write the perfect post-series longform SGA fic because god, free-rein on plot and canon and the potential for just going wild is infinite (and also I really secretly enjoy the IOA/Earth bureaucracy stuff) but Written By The Victors already exists so

Callouts @ me: step away from the comma key, gold. also stop shitting on yourself; you’re not that terrible a writer and all the crap you worry about is stuff no-one else notices. unrelenting perfectionism benefits no-one.

Best writing traits: uhhhh, haha. I think I've a decent eye for metaphor and descriptive language.

Spicy tangential opinion: not really that spicy but if you don’t like something you’re reading you are allowed to stop reading it.

Tagging: I’m not sure who’s not already been tagged out of folks I know who write so if you want to fill this out consider yourself tagged! :)

[spooky-activity]

Just a little update on Cassandratopia 2: Electric Boogaloo (Or as it stands in my Google Docs folder rn, A Helping Hand). I’ll put it under the cut cuz it’s kinda long. 

I just wanted to say that I’m still planning on actually doing it, despite all evidence to the contrary lol 

I did Cassandratopia in a haze of graduating from college(where I was studying animation) and just having ended my first dnd campaign as a dungeon master (which went 3 years!). I was fishing around for internships, but since the pandemic had just kicked off I wasn’t having much luck. So I had a lot of creative energy that wasn’t getting channeled anywhere, and a lot of free time when I wasn’t applying to places. Which is how I did 4 pages a day several times per week. Which was insane. 

As it stands, I’m running 2 dnd campaigns(one meets weekly, the other every other week or so), and just scored a full-time internship at a video game company! The campaigns I’m running are a homebrew open world, which, for those of you who aren’t too familiar with dnd, is a metric fuckton of work to prep for each session because I have no idea what my insane friends and siblings are going to try and do every time we play. 

Anyways all this to say that my storytelling itch is kinda. Sufficiently getting scratched atm and I have a lot less free time. I’m still plucking away at the setting/refining the story of A Helping Hand, but it’s largely on the backburner. Cassandratopia was also, uh, like the first story I’ve ever told in any sort of format besides the give-and-take of dnd, so... I’m not used to having so much control over the narrative. Oddly. I’ve never thought of myself as much of a writer of stories; my main focus is character animation, so someone else is usually writing the stories I’m telling anyways, which is super cool with me. Honestly I’m surprising myself with how much I want to tell this story, which is why I’m still sure I’m doing it. Just. Slower. Than Cassandratopia got done. 

But I’ll share a bit of the lore I’ve been cooking up! Specifically about Zhan Tiri and The Drops. The story will be told in an extremely dnd type setting, because that’s the kind of narrative I’ve told before and am comfortable telling: hard magic rules, neat fights, scary monsters, a dash of eldritch horror, and huge emphasis being put on magical artifacts(kinda like in the show!). Here’s some stuff that’s basically locked-in. 

Zhan Tiri

Zhan Tiri is one of the many Demon Lords of the Abyss. She’s kind of a mashup of two of my favorite Demon Lords, Zuggtmoy, the Lady of Rot and Decay, and Pale Night, the Mother of Demons and Queen of the Night(with just a dash of Hannibal Lecter because who doesn’t like helpful, polite, manipulative-ass bitches lksjflkja;fj). Her domain sits almost exactly between the Sundrop and Moonstone, largely being the new growth that comes from death, and the endless cycle of life and death. Places where her influence is strongest includes the cracks in... Well anywhere really, from society to the planet’s shell, where metaphorical or physical rot could grow; musty, mostly ignored places where something could fester. Iconography related to her would include endless mazes, fungi, grasping skeletal hands, and rotting/blooming corpses. Her spores can animate corpses, which she likes to use as mindless minions when she doesn’t feel like sending one of her Acolytes. She shares a scrap of her power with those few mortals she likes. She appreciates ambition and the desire to Grow to be bigger than what you were to start with, as those are qualities she herself possesses. 

Incredibly intelligent and merciless to those she deems her enemies, her main thing is pulling the strings from the shadows and seeing just how far she can push people to act with as little prompting from her as possible. She does, however, have the power to kinda bulldoze her way through things if she needs to, but she doesn’t like to because where’s the fun in that? 

She first gained interest in the Material Plane when a Wizard with too much hubris from said Material Plane(Named Demanitus) contacted her trying to figure out more information about The Drops and how to control them. After indulging him for a bit, she started preparing to make a summer home on the Material Plane because it’s New and Fun here and Wow These Mortals are Really Fun to Mess With! And some of them she even genuinely liked! Demanitus then realized his mistake and locked her away in Pandemonium for what he hoped was forever, but turned out to be only around 1,000 years, due to the efforts of her followers. Her little stint in Pandemonium magnified the more... Chaotic aspects of her personality, so now she wants to cover the Material Plane in blooming mazes of fungal crops that she can break people with at her leisure. 

The Drops

The drops are two semi-sentient pieces of one original artifact, whose original purpose was to be a tool of creation for the gods. Which, through some great calamity(still deciding that one), got sundered and settled into the two basic aspects of creation: the nearly unlimited well of life-energy which organizes stardust into planets, cabbages, and kings, and the “you gotta crack a few eggs to get an omlette” destructive force which breaks down what the sundrop makes so that it can make more. 

The main goal of the drops is to reunite. I would want to as well if I was ripped in half! This manifests as a... General tug in the direction of the other drop. A desire in the host to Go That Way. It can be resisted, and even ignored for a bit, but it’s always there. Like being hungry if starving wasn’t a danger. Just a bit uncomfortable if you aren’t going That Way, but ignorable. 

Both drops generally try to be as helpful to their wielder as possible, as originally they were a tool of creation to the gods. They are innately obliging. They’re also REALLY UNSAFE FOR MORTALS TO BE MESSING WITH. The Sundrop is a little safer because the most it can do is kinda. Overcharge you into something distinctly not human but still alive, and King Fredrick was lucky he made the Sundrop into soup before giving it to Arianna. But King Edmund got his wholeass arm blasted off for touching the Moonstone. 

The Sundrop

Best I could whittle it down, the Sundrop has power over life energy, like the sun’s light. It also has power over the energy derived from geothermal activities, so deep sea creatures Are Not Immune To The Sundrop, which was a funny thought that crossed my mind that they could be, but that will likely never come up anyways salkdjf;ljsf It is, in its basest form, Growth and Progress. 

It’s a little sentient, but very much entrenches itself into whoever is holding it at the time. Like another mind looking through your eyes and seeing what you see/feeling what you feel while still retaining a bit of individuality from the host. It’s not... Parasitic because it’s in its nature to give, but it’s generally pretty firmly attached to whoever is holding it until they die( which isn’t usually for a WHILE. It ’infects’ a new host when one dies, usually a plant near their grave...) or until a solar eclipse. It wants what they want, but it’s very fussy so they have to ask it for power exactly correctly(like singing an incantation every time you want to heal someone, or doing a Ritual involving lots of very specific ingredients, Celestial Alignments, and Secret Words) or it won’t listen, like an orchid dying if the ph balance is off in the soil by a little bit. But it’s generally pretty intuitive to use, because it wants what you want and (as long as you ask right) is willing to help. 

Anyways basically under the influence of the Sundrop you get a few things: 

Basically limitless energy coursing through your body while you’re in a place with sunlight, which equates to rapid healing, mostly, because every cell in your body is being supercharged with free energy. Never getting exhausted in direct sunlight. (If Rapunzel lived in a place that was sunny 24/7 like near one of the poles she wouldn’t have to sleep like. until it started to get dark in the opposite half of the year. Then she’d have to sleep like a regular human being)

You stay at your prime, or if you are past it, revert to your prime. Someone who is holding the Sundrop, or who has regular access to the Sundrop’s magic can’t die of old age or illness. They have to be hurt beyond the Sundrop’s ability to heal or have it taken away from them. 

The ability to share this rapid healing with others (if you ask right)

The ability to freely draw on the raw, near-limitless energy of the sun to shape into things like cool-looking energy blasts (only if you ask right) 

The Moonstone

The moonstone has powers over varying levels of destruction: from destroying things by ripping them apart/ to Not Letting Things Be Destroyed(also known as protecting) by freezing them in indestructible rock. Like the moon, it can ‘reflect’ a bit of the sundrop’s power, so it can kinda provide energy, albeit a lot less than the sundrop can provide. It’s the inevitable march of The End of All Things, fertilizing the fields of time with the ashes of the old so the new can take root. 

The Moonstone is a bit more in the dark(pun intended hehe) when it comes to bonding with someone, it can only try to figure out what is going on based off the emotions of its wielder, and through anything directly touching the Black Rocks. Because of this it’s... Kinda dumb? It tries to do things to help(Like shooting red fear-rocks to try and scare away whatever must be scaring its wielder so badly) but often fails spectacularly at helping. 

Under the influence of the Moonstone you get: 

Mortals get Neat Body Armor that’s actually just you being turned into a rock! They are very fragile! They need to be protected! The best the Moonstone can do to try and preserve you is to Stop All Destruction by.. Pausing all bodily functions indefinitely. Rocks don’t need to eat, sleep, or breathe, and almost nothing can destroy you if you’re solid Black Rock. The weak reflection of the Sundrop’s energy keeps the host animated, but they’re not exactly alive anymore. Like cryostasis. Wounds (if any) acquired in this state won’t be a problem because they’re not messing anything up, because nothing is technically working in the first place, but they will be a problem when you’re not protected in this way anymore. It’s a cosmic ‘I’ll deal with that later’ button, essentially. 

Like the moon, the Moonstone can reflect the light of the sun. It uses its rock crystals to do so, which can even split the sun’s power into different shades, like a prism. Essentially, different colored rocks can mean new and exciting power sets. 

Blue Lightning! The Moonstone can reflect the Sundrop’s power, so it also has access to pure bursts of energy, even if it is weaker and colder. 

The Moonstone is very helpful, but usually has no idea what you want. ‘Asking’ the Moonstone for more control over its power in the same way you would Ask the Sundrop for more power reminds it of the perfect bond it used to share. The Moonstone’s incantation deepens the bond between wielder and Moonstone in such a way that it actually knows what you want from it, giving you near perfect control of its powers.

*This is kind of just a side note of the Drops: While the Moonstone is weaker than the Sundrop in an head-on fight, it could hold its own if it were on the defensive. Redirecting the power instead of trying to overpower and such.

** Cass made of rocks means I get to draw her skeleton :) not in every picture that would be fucking nuts and way too much work alskjdf;lkjs;fv

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #121: Lancelot (Saber)

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re building the one Frenchman who could do no wrong (until he did) Lancelot du Lac! This time instead of his snarly dog version we’re making his Saber class form, so buckle in for a huge smite and a whole lot of other stuff to fill time between getting smites.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here! 

Next up: How sad. Alexa, play Despacito.

Race and Background

Fun fact: Lancelot was raised by the Lady of the Lake, the same woman who would one day give Artoria her sword. Sorry, I think I said that wrong, I meant to say he was raised by a lady in a lake. Like, under the water. To celebrate this weird ass origin story, we’re making Lancelot a Triton, because I honestly don’t think I’ll ever get another excuse to make one of those. Tritons get +1 to Strength, Constitution, and Charisma, as well as the option to breathe air and water thanks to being Amphibious. You’re also an Emissary of the Sea and Guardian of the Depths, allowing you to talk to any water-breathing beasts, and giving you resistance to cold damage to boot. You can also Control Air and Water, which right now means you can cast Fog Cloud once per day using charisma.

Finally, as a knight of the round table you’re a Knight of the Order, giving you proficiency with Persuasion and Religion. 

Ability Scores:

As fitting of someone who turns lancers into fine smears on the ground, your Strength is going to be your highest score. After that is Charisma. Half the time you’re in some sort of situation where nobody can tell who you are, but they still like you anyway. I’d think a high charisma would make you less forgettable, but I’m not English. After that is Constitution- Dolorous Guard requires you to fight twenty knights, and they cheat on top of that! You’d better be ready for the long haul. Your Dexterity isn’t terrible, you’ll mostly be in plate mail anyway. Your Intelligence is a bit low, but your plans generally get summed up as “hit things”, so it’s not much of a loss. Finally, dump Wisdom. If you could resist charm effects you wouldn’t be in this mess. 

Class Levels

1. Paladin 1: I hope this isn’t too surprising. First level paladins get proficiency in Wisdom and Charisma saves, as well as two paladin skills. Athletics will help you lug three shields around, and Intimidation will make that look even remotely scary to anyone else.

You also get a Divine Sense that will help you detect celestials, fiends, or undead near you for a turn. If you’re hunting down the holy grail, it’s probably guarded by celestials or undead, so this might give you an edge on your son. You can use this a number of times per long rest equal to 1 + your charisma modifier. You can also Lay on Hands for a bit of healing that recharges each long rest.

2. Paladin 2: Use your new Fighting Style to get better with your great sword with Great Weapon Fighting. This lets you re-roll ones and twos on your damage rolls with two handed weapons. when you combine this with your smites, it’ll get a lot of use. Oh, speaking of, you can use Divine Smite to add some radiant damage to your melee weapon attacks by burning a spell slot. Speaking of speaking of, you can cast and prepare Spells now using Charisma. Lance is more about the smiting than anything else, and you can also swap spells at will, so don’t get too worked up over what you take. 

3. Paladin 3: As a knight to the great King Arthur, you’re an Oath of the Crown paladin, meaning you can use your Channel Divinity in two different ways. Once per short rest, you can either issue a Champion Challenge or Turn the Tide. The former forces creatures within thirty feet of you to make a Wisdom save (DC 8 + your charisma modifier + your proficiency bonus) or they’re unable to move more than 30′ away from you. This ends if you can’t fight any more, or the creature is ever more than 30′ away from you. Interestingly enough, this doesn’t end if they’re incapacitated, so it’s good for locking down prisoners. The latter heals creatures you choose nearby if they’re bloodied. A lot of people get bloodied near you later, so it might be a good idea to save this. Both options use your bonus action.

You can also Harness Divine Power, spending a bonus action and your channel divinity use to regain a spell slot. Once again speaking of, you get the oath spells Command and Compelled Duel, meaning you don’t have to prepare them to use them. Forcing people to duel you would have solved a lot of problems you had while questing. Not the big one, but a lot of them.

Also, your Divine Health makes you immune to disease. Also also, Control Air and Water makes a comeback, and now you can cast Gust of Wind once per day too.

4. Paladin 4: We’re giving you a breather from all that stuff we got last level. This level, use your first Ability Score Improvement to grab the Tavern Brawler feat. This bumps up your Strength by one, makes you proficient with improvised weapons, improves your unarmed attacks by making them 1d4 instead of 1 damage, and you can grapple enemies as a bonus action after attacking with an improvised weapon. “A knight’s hands are never empty”, after all.

5. Paladin 5: Fifth level paladins get an Extra Attack with each attack action, and Control Air and Water comes back once again for one more freebie. Now you can cast Wall of Water once per day.

Speaking of casting, crown paladins get another level of spell slots and two more oath spells. Warding Bond will protect your fair maiden for up to an hour, giving them a bonus to AC and forcing you to take half their damage. You also get Zone of Truth, whose main purpose is to make things incredibly awkward between you and Artoria.

6. Paladin 6: Our last stop on the paladin train gives you an Aura of Protection, giving you and nearby allies a bonus to all saves equal to your charisma modifier. You’re good at saving against charms now, but at least you were lore compliant early on.

7. Warlock 1: Remember how you were raised by a faerie early on? It’s time to collect. Thanks to your Archfey patron, You can use your Fey Presence to frighten (or charm) creatures that fail a wisdom save once per short rest. You also get Pact Magic, spells that recharge on short rests that don’t quite mix with your existing magic. Just keep your paladin slots and warlock slots how they look on the paper. One class’s slots can cast the other’s spells though.

Speaking of spells: Sword Burst and True Strike for swording good, Armor of Agathys for armoring good, and Cause Fear to be more intimidating.

8. Warlock 2: Second level warlocks get Eldritch Invocations, ways to customize their changeling experience. You get Fiendish Vigor so you can cast False Life on yourself at will, and save the other one for next level. You can also cast Charm Person- nobody said you weren’t sexy.

9. Warlock 3: Getting fancy new swords must be pretty common for knights. At third level you enter the Pact of the Blade, giving you a fancy greatsword you can summon as an action. If you’d prefer something a bit lighter, you can also cast Shadow Blade for a smaller blade... made of shadow.

You also get the invocation Improved Pact Weapon, adding 1 to your attack and damage rolls.

10. Bard 1: You’re the poster boy of being good at just about everything you try, with the exception of keeping it in your pants. That’s a bard, alright. First level bards get any one skill proficiency- Animal Handling will help you stay on your horse better (It doesn’t actually, but it really should).

You also get Bardic Inspiration, d6 you can hand out to allies to help them with attack rolls, skill checks, and saving throws that recharge on short rests. Finally, you get another round of Spells that use Charisma to cast. These spell slots mix with your paladin slots, so check the multiclassing page to figure out how many you have at any given time.

Grab Friends to be scarier and more charming, Dancing Lights and Faerie Fire for a bit more faerie magic, Heroism to lead your knights to glory, Longstrider to push yourself, and Speak with Animals. There were a lot of talking animals back then.

11. Bard 2: Being a Jack of All Trades makes you somewhat good at just about everything, adding half your proficiency to all skills. Camelot also gets a bit livelier thanks to your Song of Rest, adding a d6 to healing done on short rests.

Half the time you can hide your identity with as little as a new shield, so you can practically cast Disguise Self already.

12. Bard 3: You’re a master of weaponry, and so are Swords bards. You get another Fighting Style, and the Dual Wielding style will help you out when your hands are full by adding your strength to your offhand attacks. You can also spend your inspiration on Blade Flourishes, adding that much damage to your attack and gaining one of three options. A Defensive Flourish adds the same number to your AC, a Slashing Flourish deals that damage to another creature near you as well, and a Mobile Flourish forces the target backwards, and you can react to push the initiative. You can only flourish once per turn, but even if you don’t, attacking also adds 10 feet of movement to your speed for the turn.

You also get Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency in Religion and Intimidation. You came in second place in the Grail treasure hunt. That’s something to be proud of.

You can also cast Enhance Ability this level. It’s not quite the strength of four men, but it does give you the strength of two Lancelots, which is still quite a bit.

13 Warlock 4: It’s been a while since our last ASI, huh? Grab Fey Touched to bump up your Charisma and cast Misty Step or Gift of Alacrity once per long rest for free, or at any time like a normal spell. The former is teleportation, the latter gives a creature +1d8 to initiative for up to eight hours. You can also cast Booming Blade for even more swording, and Calm Emotions to delay your execution once the whole Guinevere thing gets out.

14. Warlock 5: Fifth level warlocks get third level spells like Spirit Shroud, giving you that cool shadowy thing your berserker self has to deal extra damage, slow down creatures nearby, and prevent them from healing. You also get the invocation Eldritch Smite- now you can smite while you smite!

15. Bard 4: Use this ASI to round up your Strength. This leaves you with one odd number-feel free to put this into anything you’d like, maybe you already got a +1 from something your DM gave you?

You also get Prestidigitation because I’m running out of cantrips to give you and Knock for a handy battering ram.

16. Bard 5: At fifth level of barding, your inspiration increases to a d8, also increasing the amount of damage your flourishes do. You also become a Font of Inspiration, allowing you to recharge inspiration dice on short rests.

Your final bard spell is Fear, because we haven’t spent enough time hammering home how scary an angry man wielding literally everything is yet.

17. Warlock 6: Sixth level feylocks can Misty Escape away when they get hit, using their reaction to turn invisible and teleport up to sixty feet away. Again, this would have been very useful in a multitude of situations while you were questing. Frankly this also would be super useful with the whole adultery thing too. Just bite your tongue and you’re out of the bedroom! You can use this once per short rest.

You can also call in a favor from your extended family by casting Summon Fey.

18. Warlock 7: Seventh level warlocks get fourth level spells, and we’re just gonna dip into your berserker self real quick, just for flavor. You get Shadow of Moil for another version of your shadow cloak, and the invocation Cloak of Flies for yet another version that makes you even scarier than usual.

19. Warlock 8: Use your last ASI to bump your Charisma even higher for stronger spells, stronger saves, and stronger persuasions. You can also cast Banishment now to help in your fight against more supernatural foes. Remember how I said the holy grail is probably guarded by celestials? Now you can deal with them.

20. Warlock 9: Your capstone level of warlock gives you fifth level spells and more importantly, fifth level spell slots. You can cast Contact Other Plane if you want to chat with those celestials you just threw back to Mount Celestia if you really want to. You can also use your final invocation Whispers of the Grave to chat with your ancestors or King Arthur.

Pros

Much like your boss, you’re really good at Smiting. A greatsword, plus eldritch smite, plus divine smite, plus a spirit shroud, plus a blade flourish, plus a crit is 4d6+28d8+5 damage in a single swing. It just beats out Lartoria’s smiting power, dealing an average of 145 points, with the added benefit of blocking the target from healing that back for a full round.

Bardadins are kind of good at everything. With at least half proficiency on all checks and +4 on all saves, you’re just about as skilled as you can get without excelling at anything. Aside from scaring your enemies.

Being good at everything also relates to being able to turn anything into a deadly weapon. Smiting a lich with a sword? Pedestrian. Everyone knows if you kill a lich with their own shinbone all their phylacteries break out of shame.

Cons

Your saves might be a bit better, but you still have low wisdom. Good luck finding that grail when you can barely find your own armor.

One big flaw of all that smiting? Almost no range. Flying and fast enemies can seriously put you through your paces.

Like most three fold multiclasses, this build takes forever to get online. You don’t get your final subclass until level 12, and you don’t get Eldritch Smite, which is kind of a selling point of the build, until level 14. Most games don’t even get that far.

[crazy-loca-blog]

Personal thoughts on Open Heart, Third Year, Chapter 1

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.

OMG, I didn’t expect this to be so long, I’m so sorry! I guess I was inspired…

I had planned to find some time to do this tomorrow, but I just can’t… because… book 3 is finally here and I can’t stop venting about it! And even though having my favorite people in this app back is making me really, really happy right now, writing about this is a bittersweet experience because we don’t know what will actually happen to this series after this book. So I think I’ll just enjoy the ride this time, because if this is the last book in the series, I want to feel happy about it and I want to keep the focus on the good things.

First of all, I have to admit I was scared. Yeah, I love romance books, but what makes Open Heart my favorite series is that the writers manage to balance both the medical cases and the leisure/romance/friends time pretty decently when compared to other books in the app. And I was scared to lose that hospital setting because it looked like everyone was looking for more romance and less medical stuff. So I’m glad that they managed to keep the balance in this chapter. Not only they found a way to include scenes with all our friends, but they also gave us equal time with the LIs, we got to work on a new case, and we were given some hints about the new dramas, so I’d say we got the full package, and I’m happy about it.

There is no doubt that the main focus of this chapter was the introduction to a new Edenbrook… and for me, this thing has the word “shady” written all over the place. I didn’t trust Leland Bloom in the past, and I certainly don’t trust him now. What worries me the most is that the only ones who seem to realize that something is suspicious are the MC (depending on your choices), Jackie and Ethan (and I have a feeling that Zaid might be questioning some stuff, too). And even though I’m waiting to see Naveen at some point of the book because I need to know what he thinks of all this (Ethan says the MC something about him in the pre-sex scene, but I think I need more info), I also think this chapter gave us some hints of the issues we might face in the future:

We all know Leland Bloom is not a doctor, he has no idea about medicine, but he still wants to run a hospital and do things his way. And that might explain the first “non-sense” of this book: Rafael being hired as physical therapist and Harper joining the diagnostics team. I know Raf has plenty of experience as an EMT and that will save him plenty of time in case he wants to study to become a therapist, BUT we all know that’s not enough… I mean, not even Raf thought he’d be getting the job! And then we have Harper, who is an amazing doctor… but she’s a surgeon. Even though she’s perfectly capable of doing research (do you remember Bryce looking for surgical options to save Ms. Martinez in Book 1 and Kyra in Book 2?), her main job is not to discover what’s wrong with people, but to fix what’s wrong with them. And I believe both of them performing jobs they have no experience with will only mean trouble in the future.

Leland also added some extra zeros to our paychecks, gave us a completely new doctors’ lounge and threw a party… of course, you can bet this is not for free. Just as the man tried to buy us at the end of book 2, he’s trying to buy the rest of the doctors, nurses and everyone else. The man needs to find a cure for him and his wife, so people getting all these high amounts of money will do anything he wants them to do. And I think the first one to fall for this will be Elijah (because Jackie already learned her lesson). He is so in love with research and all the new technology, and he sees so many new chances to discover things that will save people, that I wouldn’t be surprised if he finds himself agreeing to do things he normally wouldn’t do just to help Leland. So our boy must be protected at all costs.

Finally, we know that Leland is a business man, so he’ll be treating Edenbrook as a business, not as a hospital. And that got me thinking about the role of the patients in all this. Depending on your choices regarding Martha, she asks the MC about the cost of a full-body exam, and the MC tells her not to worry about it. What the MC forgot is that Edenbrook is under a completely different business model now, and that might mean trouble for future cases, as the patients might not be able to afford their treatments and they might feel forced to participate on researches to cover the expenses (like some kind of offer… “oh, but if you cannot afford the bill, then you may want to participate on a trial…”). After all, if Leland wants to make Edenbrook the best research institution, he needs to have not only personnel, he also needs patients subjects.

Besides all the Edenbrook drama, we had some nice quality time with our LIs, but the pre-sex scene with Rafael actually broke me, because it’s the kind of scene that we were all waiting to have, but not everyone will be able to see in their games. For the first time, the MC and Rafael took some time to remember Danny and Bobby, and to share their feelings about the accident in Book 2. It was a brief and very meaningful scene, but I think it deserved more than being seen only by people who are romancing him. I was also glad to discover that both Jackie and Ethan seem to be on the same page as the MC when it comes to having doubts about Leland Bloom (if you follow the route of being suspicious, of course), but I’m so disappointed with Bryce! I mean, what was that of not wanting to be seen with the MC? I swear that I read it and I felt the same heartache I felt when Ethan told the MC he didn’t know what was going to happen with their relationship after Edenbrook… that’s not OK Lahela, and you know it! You’ve been hooking up with the MC for over two years now, I demand answers! And yeah, I’m publicly rooting for Keiko to return and give him a piece of her mind.

As per our friends, it was so nice to see Sienna wanting to move on, but never in a million years would have thought that Ines has a girlfriend… after all these years rooting for Ines and Zaid to become a couple, and after all these years that this couple has been actually canon for most people, discovering that she’s actually a lesbian and that she has a girlfriend was something like “you have to be kidding me, right?”. Anyway, love is love and if she’s happy, we’re all happy… it was just funny to realize it after so long! Another one that got me a little worried is Aurora. Maybe it’s just my perception, but I felt like she didn’t give us anything new, like nothing happened to her… it’s like the writers put her in the chapter just because she had to appear in the book… or maybe she’ll have some more important role in future chapters? Like taking Baz’s place in the diagnostics team?

I seriously didn’t think about this until now. I don’t know if Baz leaving the diagnostics team surprises me (remember that in Book 2, Zaid got him his dream job), but the way he left the team was weird… and I have so many theories on my mind now. He was very explicit about leaving the team, not Edenbrook, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually got some lead role in some research team at Edenbrook (we know Elijah was given a chance to work on research, so Baz is probably on the same page). Or he might have been tempted by June and be leaving to Kenmore. I honestly have no idea… as I have no idea of who will be replacing him. I have two candidates, and both of them would definitely cause drama in the team: I already mentioned Aurora. Can you imagine Harper and Aurora working together? I can already feel the tension in that team. However, I’m taking a risk and I’m going to say that the new member of the diagnostics team will be Tobias Carrick. This was the only plot that wasn’t fully addressed in Book 2, and I wouldn’t be surprised if PB decides to rekindle this old feud to give it the proper closure it deserves.

Finally, I can’t help it… this topic needs to be addressed… if you’re romancing Ethan and you didn’t feel at least a little jealous about what we saw today between him and Harper, then you’re a liar. I stan Harper Emery, I love her and everything that she represents as a powerful, successful and independent woman, and there is no doubt that I would ship her and Ethan if my MC weren’t romancing him. But the truth is… my MC is romancing Ethan, and yes, I did feel jealous about them (and I felt so stupid! LOL!). However, I’m far from thinking that this will be a love triangle thing. This will be a strictly professional conflict (that may have some extra dialogs if you’re romancing Ethan). Why? First of all, the writers have to make this conflict work for everyone (and not only for Ethan stans), and second, because I think the writers are bringing back an old friend of our MC. And here is where I remember a moment during the first book where my favorite pep talker in the world (I’m talking to you, Bryce Lahela) said something about how the MC tends to doubt themselves… and this is exactly what I think this is all about. Harper’s presence will be bringing our MC’s doubts and lack of self-confidence back, and that’s it.

I’m not going to lie… everyone knows I’m super biased here and that I love this series to death, so it’s hard for me to find something I don’t like, especially in the first chapter, because everything is new and things aren’t quite developed yet. So what can I say? I can’t wait for next Friday to come fast!

[miss-noo-na]

Strange Love (Part 1)

Title: Strange Love

Featuring: Johnny (NCT) x Reader

Rating: Mature. Future updates to include BDSM themes

Summary: Your job is finally recognizing all the hard work you’ve been putting in, and assigns you to a special project that includes travel. The only downside is that you have to team up with your cocky co-worker. In the process you learn about his predilections and what he does to relieve stress in his downtime, and how they might come to benefit you, too. 

The copier spluttered and buzzed as it spit out page after page of the same report. Sometimes it jammed and you had to tap it just right for it to start up again, you knew it like clockwork now, not even having to shift your stance or your gaze to do it. You had made friends with the piece of equipment ages ago, this thing was older than some of the new hires in the office.

You had been there for 3 years now, but it felt much longer. You found the job out of college because of its promised upward mobility and company culture, and after a while neither one of those things mattered anymore. You had only had one partial raise and “company culture” really just meant there was cake in the break room once a month.

You didn’t know why you stayed. Actually, you did, but didn’t want to admit it to yourself. You were afraid.

You had always been timid, knowing what you wanted but too anxious to go after it. You could be stubborn and even stand up for yourself, but often you fell by the wayside, worried about making too much of a fuss. You developed a fine-tuned talent for painting on a smile, seeming agreeable, then grumbling under your breath and to your friends over drinks. You would convince yourself things would change, but they never did. 

When the copier stopped with its signature grinding halt you snapped out of your reverie, piling the papers in arm to hand them out around the office. Busy-work, per usual.

When you stepped out of the room you immediately looked across the hall to the windowed room of your manager, able to hear his muffled laughter, head tossed back as he slapped his hand on another mans back. Your eyes set into a narrow glare at the other person.

John Suh had only shown up 9 months ago and he was already 2 positions ahead of you, with his fancy degree and family connections. They liked to pretend they didn’t play favorites but it was obvious from the moment he stepped in the door that he had something the rest of you didn’t, connections and his daddy’s money.

Plus, there was just this air of overconfidence he carried that enraged you. Not only did he have an advantage, he liked to act like it was his savvy business sense and charm that got him there. 

The most annoying part of all is that no one else felt the way you did.

He was clearly attractive, the only person in the office who didn’t get shit from the boss for growing his hair out or not buttoning up his jacket. Every girl in the office from the 19 year old receptionist to the 67 year old accountant practically swooned when he talked to them. This, of course, made you look like the asshole to your colleagues. They called you distrustful and told you to be a little more open-minded, but you didn’t have patience for nepotism and unearned praise.

If you thought about it too long, the frustration built up and where did that leave you? You went about your business for the afternoon, intent on ignoring his presence like you usually did.

As you neared the manager’s door, he suddenly poked his head out and smiled at you.

“Hey there, can I grab you for a second?”

And then he disappeared inside, through the glass you could see him speak to your nemesis once more. Your stomach dropped, what could he possibly need? You set the stack down on your desk and returned to the office, clearing your throat as you entered since they were chatting and laughing like you didn’t exist.

“There you are, have a seat.” He said as he went to his desk, gesturing to the chairs in front of it. You were surprised when John took the seat next to yours, but chose to pretend he wasn’t there.

“I’ve had this project brewing for a few months now, and whilst going over potential candidates your name came up.”

Project? Your name? 

“You’ve been loyal to the company for years, your workflow looks great, and I’ve never heard a fuss out of you. You’re honestly a prime worker for this position.”

“What position would that be, sir?” You asked gently, knowing he had a habit of going on tangents if you let him. Plus, all of this was lip service you’d heard since you started. They were always quick to praise, but never do anything that actually showed that it mattered in a way that helped you. Empty compliments.

“This is our main office, and the system we have here is the best in the business, but unfortunately that’s not the case in some of our smaller offices. They’re falling behind and their technology and practices aren’t getting updated in a timely fashion. Basically, they need help, and that’s where you two come in.”

Two? You peered over at the man next to you from the corner of your eye, and quickly back again.

“I’m not sure I follow. Aren’t these offices spread out all over the country?” You asked.

“Precisely. We’ve opened up a position for trainers, someone who is free to travel and can help these places get set up. You would spend about a week or less in each place, we would make sure you have proper accommodations and a stipend, of course.”

It dawned on you what he meant and you felt a mix of emotions. It was about time someone realized your potential and the hard work you had been putting in, even if you were still confused on how your name got brought up. You didn’t have any problem traveling, there was no relationship or particular thing that kept you tied down in one spot.

“Oh, and the 30% raise.”

You perked up at that, then quickly tried to make yourself appear neutral again.

“That does sound enticing.”

“What do you say? I think you both would be great at it.”

You fully looked over now, and made brief eye contact with the man who offered you an encouraging smile.

“We would be working...together?”

“It’s a two-man, excuse me, two-person job. I can tell you now I think you would make an excellent team.”

You didn’t even know him like that, and everything you did know you weren’t particularly fond of.  You had maybe spoken a handful of words to each other, in passing.  Things like “excuse me” and “here’s that report you needed.” The idea of having to spend so much time around him didn’t sit well with you, but how could you pass up such an opportunity? it was strictly business, it’s not like you had to be best friends.

“Okay, then.” You nodded and forced an uneasy smile. 

“Fantastic! I’ll draw up the paperwork tonight and get you on your schedule within the week. In the meantime, I encourage you two to get to know each other.” 

You left the office, intent on going straight back to your desk, but your new partner stopped you.

“I don’t think we’ve ever been formally introduced, I’m John, but everyone just calls me Johnny.”

He stuck his hand out and you had to fight the urge to cringe, there was no way in hell you were going to call him that.

You were cordial, shook his hand and told him your name, avoided eye contact. Being this close to him you didn’t realize until now how tall he was.

“You want to grab some lunch with me? My treat, we can hammer out some details.”

“I’m a little busy this aftern-”

“It’ll be fine, the boss insists we form a game plan and I know a spot around the corner.” He cut you off and started to walk away as if you already agreed. You wanted to fight him on it, but that wasn’t the best way to start out a brand new position. You sighed and followed.

The “spot” was basically a sports bar, that was practically dead, save for a few people at the bar watching a baseball game. You sat at a table near the back and wished you could get a beer, but you still had a whole work day ahead of you.

“So it’s like, part trainer, part teacher, part IT. Do you have any experience in IT? I actually started out in computer science before I switched to business, my dad thought it was the best for my career path. I mean, I guess he was right because here I am.”

He was….different, than you thought he would be. You only saw him in the office, turning on his charm and worming his way into things. Here, he was talkative and friendly, and it was throwing you off-guard. The casual humble-brag about his background wasn’t making him anymore likable, though. 

“No, I majored in English.”

I swear to God if he says-

“English? Aren’t you already fluent?”

You closed your eyes for a second while his stupid laugh rang in your ears.

“Anyway, I think this is going to be an awesome opportunity for us. I mean, how lucky are we to get picked for this?”

“I wouldn’t call it luck.” You grumbled before taking a drink, not really intending him to hear it.

“What’s that?”

“It’s not luck.” You said as you met his eyes fully for the first time. “Not for me. I’ve worked my ass off for this company for years, it’s only luck for people who got a head start.”

You sank your teeth into your tongue just as the words left you, and you could see the smile fade from his face. You suddenly felt flush and thought about apologizing, but he spoke up.

“Ah, so you think I had a leg up?”

“I didn’t mean-”

He waved a hand and laughed. “It’s fine, I know everyone thinks that, you’re just the first person to say it to my face.”

You couldn’t tell if he was offended and playing it off, or if he was really this nonchalant about it. 

“Look, no offense, but I don’t think we need to be buddies for this to work. I would rather just get in the field and work things out from there.” You explained as directly as you could. 

“That’s fair.” He nodded, to your surprise. 

The small-talk ended and when he tried to pay for lunch, you insisted on giving your share. The rest of the day was uneventful, except for the twinge of guilt you had when you thought back on how you spoke to him.

When you got home, you collapsed on the couch next to your roommate, a graphic designer who worked from home and was always in her PJs. You envied her.

“Another rough day at the office, sweetie?” She asked, patting you on the head, condescending but still sincere.

“Remember that douchebag at work I told you about?”

“Oh, the cute one?” She asked with a smile, having seen him when coming to drop off some lunch for you once.

“Whatever, anyway.” You sat up to face her. “The good news is that I got a promotion to a position that lets me travel.”

“Hey, that’s great!” She beamed.

“The bad news is that we have to do it together.”

She looked to consider it for a moment before her lips curled into a devious smile. “On the road for work? Hotel stays? Working in close proximity? Ohh, this is like a spicy romance novel!”

“Ew, stop.” You scowled.

“Only if you stop pretending he’s not hot.”

“Someone can be objectively hot and I can still not like them or be attracted to them. He’s arrogant and he seems to think we’re on the same page somehow. He’s oblivious to his own privilege.”

“Okay, I get that, sorry for teasing you. But hey, this is the break you were looking for, right? Focus on the positive.”

“Thank you.”

She opened up her arms and you hugged for a long moment.

“Maybe while you’re traveling you’ll finally get laid.” She said suddenly into your ear, and you pulled back and glared at her.

“Sorry, sorry! I just know that lately you haven’t really been-”

You stood up from the couch as she spoke. “I’m going to my room now.”

“Let me know if you need help packing!”

You closed your bedroom door and sighed. She meant well, but she had a way of saying things so bluntly that it didn’t quite help. She was right about that, though. Your career wasn’t the only stagnant thing in your life. 

You hadn’t had a steady boyfriend in 2 years, and in that time had only experienced a sprinkling of dates that never went anywhere and the 2-3 times you randomly hooked up with someone to great disappointment. Frustrated was an understatement, and you knew part of it was bleeding over into your professional life. 

You didn’t expect to have any sort of passionate tryst while out for work, but maybe simply getting into a new scenery would make you feel better?

To Be Continued

[rigelmejo]

march - just some thoughts

i have read more this month than any other month? and its not slowing down its only 3/12 so i have 2/3 of a month to go and i’ve read 26 chapters. even if these chapters are ‘short’ at 10 pages, if i wanna count by ‘20 page’ chunks i’ve still read 13 chunks so far. and i’ve still got more time in the month left. most other months i’ve managed to read ‘a lot’ i read 10-20 chapters. so i’m doing really good.

grammar is a weird thing? in reading i feel like its quite easy now to understand. when listening or watching - same. and yet if asked ‘why do i say/type X’ or ‘why is it written/spoken like X’ i have absolutely no explanation in my head. i could not explain the grammar if prompted. this puts me in a weird place and i feel like i SHOULD go over a grammar guide again just so i can WORD what i’m intuitively understanding.

this is a bit bizarre to me because within the first 6 months of study i DID read through an entire grammar guide just to get an idea of what i was about to look at, and it hardly made sense once actually reading/watching/listening. i understood the guide fine, but actually Seeing chinese i was still confused. i would reference AllSetLearning’s Chinese Wiki on some basic points, then after 6 months i just stopped. now its been what 1.5 years and - reading is so easy, listening is so easy, grammar wise. none of the grammar confuses me. but i no longer ‘explicitly’ have any idea what the fuck the grammar is. i used to. i studied it explicitly before trying to read/listen. and yet now that i can read/listen, i have no idea how to explain the grammar. i can listen to a podcast and i don’t think about what the grammar is i just get it. i read and just know what i’m looking at. its like english - i cannot fucking explain it. Which makes speaking/writing a bit hard. Because when i try to check if i’m right i have no fucking clue HOW anymore - i just say/write what comes to mind and HOPE it makes sense. i have no way to conciously check for errors except ‘does this feel right’? And that’s not good enough for me lol. So I definitely do need to eventually read a grammar guide for explicit explanations again.

Technically I think “English and Chinese Grammar Side By Side” grammar book would be an excellent one to use. Because i read the first 50 pages of it and it compared it to english (so it explained english too), and it was very easy to understand and started basic then got more involved. 

I’m probably gonna use my very old Chinese Grammar Self Taught by Thimm book instead. Just because I really like that book. Then I guess use another after (probably Basic Chinese Sentence Patterns since its modern and perfect for ‘catch your own mistakes’ study and much shorter than Eng+Chinese Grammar side by side). 

Anyway I’m in a very weird place right now lol. I know i’m understanding grammar that is stuff I never even studied initially in the grammar guide, but unable to explain what it is, and a lot of stuff i did explicitly study in a grammar guide i completely forgot the explanation for. My reading and listening is GREAT, because all my effort only has to go into learning new words lately! its relaxing! Its the only part i need to do! But my writing/speaking i am very concerned about because being able to check myself for mistakes is something i’d like the ability to do.

how grammar is presented really makes a difference in how well i get it. there is some serious benefit to ‘show simple first then build up what you know’ that text books tend to prefer. versus like grammar reference books that may start with some in depth stuff.

i tried to read a japanese grammar guide the other day and 1 it was great but 2 it covered some ADVANCED stuff i never learned in genki 1+2, and so it was Explicit grammar description of stuff i had literally years ago been immersing in japanese and Still not conciously known about. So i felt. Overwhelmed lol. I felt so confused. I feel like I might switch to Tae Kim’s grammar guide primarily just because its structured with basics covered first. and i feel like until the basics are again glued into my brain, seeing even more advanced stuff just confused me so much i had no idea how to remember it. which is funny because? my usual strategy with grammar guides is to just read it and let what sticks stick and what is confusing be moved on from, in the hope i will later see it again and understand it better. so like based on what i usually do i should’ve just been able to read through it (and i’m gonna try anyway lol). but truly japanese grammar just... my mind does not like wrapping around it and remembering it. (chinese grammar is so much easier for me... so much easier....;-; )

i have been tempted to just Restart Nukemarine’s LLJ (Lets Learn Japanese) memrise decks, because I KNOW they worked for me last time really really well. And they include Tae Kim grammar lessons. And I know if i did it then maybe i’d get back to where i was years ago pretty fast.

I tried Earthlingo app. Its a cool idea, I don’t think its worth it though unless you planned to get Rosetta Stone (since Earthlingo is FREE). Earthlingo features 1000 words per language, taught to you by exploring video game worlds as an alien. Its a cool concept, but since all words seem to be nouns then you aren’t even learning the most common verbs/adjectives. And 1000 words is not a lot. And you could learn 1000 quite fast if using srs flashcards like Memrise or Anki (think weeks if you push yourself, and a month or two months if going at a regular pace). Earthlingo you have to slowly explore the worlds so that eats time, you have to choose to test yourself (so you don’t review nearly as often as flashcard apps), and one test includes walking around the world clicking the object which you’re given the word for (takes time to find the right object). All this means a word that might take maybe 15 minutes to study over a few weeks, might instead take much longer to study and learn. I don’t use duolingo because it generally covers so few words (usually 2000-4000 i think which is good for a beginner resource but you have to do the WHOLE course to get to all those words and i take so long on duolingo that could take YEARS for me versus a month on a flashcard app or clozemaster). Duolingo I also don’t use because it very slowly paces learning material (it takes me months/years to get through 1000 words on duolingo - just personally i go so slow on it, i think faster people would find a use for it). Likewise Lingodeer takes me AGES to get through (and i think covers 2000 words nowadays? I’m shocked Duolingo has more words for the japanese course tbh). However, Lingodeer is by far the best ‘app’ for Japanese grammar lessons in app practice form. Even if basically all the apps feel pretty slow to me in how fast they give you new info. Earthlingo is cool that its free, and for learners 12 and under i think it would be super useful as a way to engage them and keep them studying (since what child likes flashcards? whereas as a child i would’ve loved this). But as an adult Earthlingo is sooooo slow on how fast you can learn words, and it does not even offer very many words (1000 is a nice bare minimum but without verbs/adjectives it can only be a supplementary learning tool for beginners at best).

Link about Lingodeer having 2000 words in a course. (Since its SO hard to lookup how much vocabulary lingodeer includes :c )

Nukemarine’s LLJ memrise decks (which I’m considering going through again but ToT agh flashcardssssss.... they sure do work though agh)

http://www.chinese-grammar.com/beginner/ - this is the site I read a chinese grammar guide on at like Month 3. I am rereading it now maybe it will help me remember wtf grammar explicitly is. ToT (A tip, read Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced sections). Last time I visited the site you just clicked a section, then saw each fully explained grammar point and clicked ‘next’ it was nice. Now its laid out a little less ideal for me, but its still got all the same nice info! (Also honestly if you are a beginner I really DO like this grammar guide... it introduces basic info first, gradually gets more complex, and i could follow its logic knowing like 200 hanzi and 100 words ToT. its very easy to understand even if it takes a while to apply that info).

im probably gonna read hanshe more today. i’m at the point where either i know enough vocab, or the writers style has just ‘clicked’ idk. but now i just am not getting bogged down by unknown words and am just. speeding through enjoying the plot. Also rip me this novel has 155 chapters and im only on chapter 30.

watching japanese lets plays is really fun! i feel like im 3 years old cause i just see nouns i can learn pretty easy in context cause i know the game well, and hear some vaguely familiar verbs, but its fun! also it helps i know kingdom hearts 2 like by heart so. a lot of it makes me instantly cheerful and nostalgic. roxas’s voice is so cute in the japanese version.

oh i almost forgot: I found a book recently for chinese that for it’s like 10 page grammar guide summary at the beginning ALONE i think is more than worth the 4 dollars it costs to get. It has a ton of compound words and its a reference book in mandarin and cantonese (it has pronunciation for both, all characters are in traditional). I got it initally because it as a bunch of compound words and I’d like to get better at knowing a lot of common ones. But the intro to the book has a page explaining sentence structures in chinese, then examples. Its so straightforward and to the point. I love it. The book is “Understanding Chinese: A Guide to the Usage of Chinese Characters” by Rita Mei-Wah Choy. (There is also a companion book for individual hanzi, which is nice but this book specifically I’m finding more useful).

what i really like about Listening-Reading method, and reading, as study activities: no matter how I do them it is only improvement. I have a tendency to ‘redo’ material i don’t feel i fully mastered, or refuse to move on. So when i have duolingo, flashcards (sometimes i can move on if i ignore reviews/make myself do new stuff), books, grammar guides, self guided classes - i have a tendency to redo the material. over and over. and not progress and challenge myself. whereas with reading - every time i look up a word its useful because its new or something i clearly Need to review (not something i’ve actually learned and can move past reviewing). so whether i reread material or read new stuff, as long as i run into things i find somewhat challenging (feel the desire to word look up), i know i am running into new material i can learn. Same with listening-reading method: whether i finish a book or just skip to random books, any new chapter i do will give me new words to learn/remember (until i’ve reached a point of perfect listening comprehension which is a WAYS away). There’s no way for me to mess it up. I can give up a book im bored with, i don’t have to stick to one resource to the end. 

someone tell me why professionally made chinese audio books almost NEVER line up to the chapters???? whyyyyy ;-;

Even More Notes lol:

So I read so much in Pleco, which auto pronounces, I have COMPLETELY forgot. 得 地 - for these two, when they’re attached after a description like 淡淡 慢慢 高兴 etc, when are they pronounced di versus de???? i’m pretty sure  得 is pronounced de when its an adjective like ‘-ly’. but for  地, i don’t remember if when part of a describer if its pronounced di or de????

[littlespaceporgs]

The Clone Wars Reacts - Part 5

Or Leah loses her shit at Jar Jar, thirsts for Aayla Secura for an episode and a half, and then swoons for Riyo Chuchi.

Welcome once more to the Reacts series! I’m a busy woman for now but I am setting up a schedule for this series which will be

Today we’re covering episodes 12, 13, 14 and BONUS! 15. This is because I got super bored during episode 14 and basically didnt write anything so, here you go! As per usual, major spoiler alert for season 1 of the clone wars! If you haven’t read the previous parts to this series, I suggest you do so that you can follow along! 

Part 1 - Episodes 1 and 2 Part 2 - Episodes 3, 4 and 5 Part 3 - Episodes 6, 7 and 8 Part 4 - Episodes 9, 10 and 11

Tags (if you want to join, my taglist can be found on my page!): @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @girlvader @simping-for-fives @littlevodika @hounding-around @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life @onabouteverything @acciokenobi @catsnkooks @captainrexstan @roseofalderaan @fractiouskat

We’re well past the half-way point, so there is 2 parts left of season 1, and then onto season 2! So lets get into it!

Episode 12: The Gungan General

> heheheheheheheh jar jar I am KEEN

> I get hondo and jar jar in one episode

>> this’ll be funny

>>> actually no scratch that, this is gonna be hilarious

> oh and they woke up in a cell this will be fun

> HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA AND THEYRE BOUND TO DOOKU

> DISASTER I TELL YOU

> “if I keep my mouth shut you’ll devise a plan so get off the god forsaken planet?” “YES”

> this dude seems traitorous as fuck (im referring to one of the pirates, not dooku shockingly)

> I wish Ahsoka and Yoda were in this too, I want more disaster lineage

> ah he is indeed a traitor

> “HEIDY HO CHANCELLOR”

> JAR JAR WHOO

> “stop messing around, we’re landing. Secure yourself” “MESA TRYING ITS STUCK”

> promptly followed by jar jar falling everywhere

> oh and now he’s in the cockpit

> oh shit that senator guy is definitely dead right?

> “do control tour protégées insolence” “anakin, control your insolence, the count is concentrating”

> “do we know where we’re going?” “Ssh anakin” “DO we know where we’re going?”

> is it safe? Of course it i- riiiiiight

>> I forgot this was the clone wars for a second, this is gold

> FRIENDS DONT DRUG FRIENDS HONDO

> y’know, dooku’s quite amusing when he’s not trying to kill my favourite characters

> “are you now in command” “uh no, binks is the highest ranking” ooooohhhh boy

> ooooooohhhh and some mind tricks too, nice

> I hate to say this, but jar jar is actually smart

> holy shit

> beasties are nearby too, we’ll be fine. they run, we run

>> Dayum jar jar actually making good decisions?

> I present a real and accurate image of my reaction to this statement

> Mesa be having an idea oooohhh booooyyy

> obi wan that is no way to speak to your grandmaster

> be patient master the count is elderly and doesn’t move like he used to

> I would kill you both now if I didn’t have to drag your bodies

>> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH this is the only reaction I’ll accept

> then falling all over each other is the only thing I’ve ever needed to see

> “ this is not going well” no shit

> my question is why did obi wan not drop Dooku?? Does he actually still care about this man?

> you’re right, I don’t think youre going to be friends 🤦‍♀️😂

> sneaky lying snake

> bruh they don’t even know you’ve got the Jedi captive??????????

>> so how does that work you dumbass

> no shit, you will look like fools obi wan

> “there be some bombad clankers” 😂😂

>> “huh YOURE right, bombad clankers” I love the shock

> YOURE RIGHT HE IS SMARTER THAN HE LOOKS, GIVE JARJAR SOME CREDIT

> oh boy anakin, just keep your mouth shut genius

> man electrocution doesn’t look like fun

> HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH

> The next few lines of confused joy are me reacting to jar jar somehow single handedly taking out 3 tanks

> what the fuck

> JarJar I I’m what-

> JUST DID A GOOD THING, I DONT REGERT THIS THING AT ALLLLLLLL

> fuckin JarJar was great

> “KILL HIM HES NOT A REPRESENTATIVE, HES A PLAGUE” I’m ded 💀😢💀

> serves you right you snake, now dooku gonna choke your ass

> oooohhhhh that’s how these two twits (hondo and obi-wan) became friends

> “and... he knows where you live” Oof the subtle threat is real

> hem I love obi wan very much and his sarcasm

 Episode 13: Jedi crash

> I JUST SAW AAYLA I AM EXCITED I AM ALSO ATTRACTED TO HER VERY MUCH

> SHES HOT

> I LOVE HER

> AND HER VOICE JUST MAKES ME ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

> I wish I was bly, not gonna lie

> I have a quick question - the 501st colour is blue right? Then why do they have a gold squad, doesn’t the extra colours just confuse things?

> I love seeing anakin and Ahsoka in action coolest thing to watch

> And anakin

>> I am also quite attracted to him

>>> imagine dragging your hands through that hair as he- wait no I have minors in my followers not gonna finish that

> Uh oh

>> Oh anakin you twit

>>> HE LOCKED HOMSELF IN WITH AN EXPLOSION JDGKJDJFKFKFKFKFF

> HES INSANE

> Are all Jedi so reckless? Just the good ones - love this by the way

> Oooohh shit for a STAR

> I mean like? I know anakin doesn’t die, but this shit is concerning

> Perfected the art of destroying ships and getting master almost killed? Sounds familiar

> I hate it when they just call them “padawan “ it just feels very impersonal like bleh

> Like I love aayla but god the Jedi preach some bullshit

>> God forbid someone raises a child and gets attached to it

>>> Like for fucks sake

>>>> Can you tell this is something I’m passionate about?

> Anyway, moving on

> Oh hi anakin! You’re alive!

> That bird lookin thing is tryna eat my boy 😤

> Oop - well that dudes dead

> Aawwwwwww aayla looks so sad, this makes me sad too

> Can we just appreciate this?

> Well these little critters are cute

> Ooooohhh I think I agree with this little dude

> You can skip the paragraph if you like, its just me going off about ‘peacekeeping’

> Alright gonna get mildly into it for a second, the clone wars really gets into it with episodes like this, displaying how the entire galaxy was starting to lose faith in the Jedi and their peacekeeping ways, in the movies we just got that people just started hating the Jedi because they became part of the war, but this really fleshes it out and shows just how slowly and gradually the loss of faith is. Because he’s right, the Jedi aren’t peacekeepers anymore, they bring as much destruction with them that the separatists do and have become symbols of war. They’re fighting for a good reason yes, but they can no longer claim that they are peacekeepers or that they played no role in this war.

> ANYWAY BACK TO REACTS

> AH MY TWO FAVOURITE WOMEN AND A PRETTY BACKGROUND AGAIN!! They really do be doing me a great service

Part 14: Defenders of Peace

> I’m really not into this episode, just saying it now

> Anakins just as bad as obi wan, like honestly just chill bro, fucking REST

>> MY BOYS DESERVE SOME GODDAMN REST AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL OK-

> Okay but is it taking a life if it’s a droid?

> Ugh this dudes ugly as fuck

> What did you think was gonna happen?? Of course your village was going to be ransacked

> I could go on forever about the pointlessness of this war like it just makes me mad palpatine you slimy git-

> My reacts this episode are really boring huh, I’m not into it 😭

*fully I didn’t write anything for about 10 minutes here because it���s just a little boring*

> HOLY SHIT NOW THATS A FUCKING WEAPON

> Yep sorry that’s it for this ep, I’m so bored 😂

>> Anyway, bonus episode because that one was short!

Part 15: Trespass

> YES OBIWAN WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

> AND IS THAT RIYO CHUCHI I SPY?????

> Hahahahahahahhahahaha it’s not tatooine, you got that right

> Oh god this dude already sounds like a dick (its the chancellor dude but not palpatine)

> Why’s he so defensive over it?

> Oh yikes, that does not look good

> Seppies don’t do that though - this is... odd

> Ah and the same thing has been done to the droids

> Off topic, but I think I’m going to make a clone wars drinking game that I can do while I do my reacts, so I’m going to make that this week, send me your ideas in the comments or dm me!

> Back to ep - pfffffffttt obi wans little taps and then anakin really goes WHACK

> Anyway I’m going to do this in the next couple days and then every Friday night I’ll watch a few eps and drink away

> Alright back to the episode once more

> Abominable snowman????

>> Definitely

> This is gonna go well isn’t it?

> “Well? Say something”

>> “Just shut up” *visible eye roll*

> What the fuck is their mouth

> Okay really obi wan, I think it’s pretty clear they don’t speak basic

> YEEEEEEAAAHHH THATS MY BOI ANAKIN

> Awwwwwwww that shits cute, fucking bear huugggg I want to be hugged like that

> I’m not fussed if it’s anakin, obi wan or kit fisto but please someone love me

>> Preferably kit fisto

> Anyway this dudes a dick (again, its the chancellor dude)

> They obviously have intelligence, and this dude has issues

>> I’m thinking he’s trying to compensate for something 👀

> Oof you really gonna tell a Jedi what to do?

> HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA the other people’s were there already

> Ugh he reminds me of my very racist grandparents oh boy

> You’ve been told like 4 times that it is not your jurisdiction anymore and you still can’t take it?

>> BRUH

> She’s so tiny and adorable and her voice is just 🥰🥰🥰🥰

>> Oh no

>>> I’m simping for another character

> Surely this guy dies

> HAHAHAHAHAH HE JUST GOT SPEARED SERVES YOU RIGHT MOTHERFUCKER

> What a dick, he shall not be missed

> She’s just, so pretty??? And smart????

>> FUCK MY BISEXUAL ASS CANT HANDLE THIS

> he’s seriously not dead yet?

> AAAHH RIYO YOU SMART GIRL YEEEEESSSS NEGOTIATE THAT PEEEEAAACCEEEE

> THATS MY GIRL SENATOR CHUCHI YEEEESSS

Welp that’s it for today folks, it was lovely, see y’all at some point this week where I say the drinking game rules and then next drunken Friday (even though these are gonna be released on saturdays but I write them on fridays?)

[readerinsertfanfiction]

Three Ways

Fandom: Naruto

Character: Kakashi Hatake

Prompt: I ought to give Kakashi some love since Naruto is refusing to do so. A series based on some wisdom shared by a wise uncle.

It is much easier to write a series when you have actually planned out the plot somewhat. #duh #obvious #rifufool

5/6

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Ever since the break that you had forced onto the team you had been hard at work. Unknowingly to the rest you continued to analyse the decoded messages you had so far, pondering over what they could possibly mean more. After a week of silence you finally figured it out. How simple the answer had been. 

In the late afternoon Tsunade brought team 7 together, her eyes stern as she leant forward. 

“[Name] has gone missing,” the fifth hokage announced, earning a shift within the group. Throwing over a file the leader stood up, turning towards the window as she waited for Kakashi to open the file. 

“Missing since this morning?” sounded the first question. 

“It is rare for [Name] to disappear without notice. Especially disabled,” Tsunade continued as she reached for a cabinet in her desk, pulling out a bottle. “Not to mention, [Name]’s medicine.” 

With a tap the medication was set on the table, a damning sense of dread entering the room. 

“[Name] needs medication to control the chakra flow to the legs. Else the blockage will knot up, resulting in painful flare ups and worse,” Tsunade continued, her voice slowing down ominously as she explained the urgency. “We have to assume that [Name] has no medicine and assume the worst,” Tsunade ordered, hand slamming down the table. “Seeing as you have been on the case for a while I assign the job to you, dismissed.”

With that team 7 was suddenly saddled with your disappearance. 

Sakura was the first to express her concern. Wide eyes looked up pleadingly at Kakashi as she quietly asked the jounin for guidance. “How long will [Name] survive without the medicine?” the girl asked, her hands gripping together as she hoped for the best. 

Shrugging Kakashi kept his cool, handing a page from your file to the girl. “It depends. Assuming that the time of disappearance was right after the last medication intake I’d say we have until the end of the day,” he said, eyes distant as he was formulating a plan. 

“But that leaves us only with a few hours?!” Naruto exclaimed, frustration settling in as he realised what was at stake. “They should have come clean earlier instead of now!” the boy stomped his feet. 

It was a sentiment that everyone could share, for the predicament certainly wasn’t pretty. 

“All the more reason to start quickly, not?” the jounin decided letting a deep breath escape as he formulated his plan. 

“Sakura, take a good look at the pictures of the notebook. I think there is a code hidden there. Sasuke and Naruto, I want you to each check out a spot for me and bring back whatever trace you can find.” Handing out the instructions as well as other pages of the file Kakashi send the team to work, disappearing to a certain spot himself. 

In front of the memorial laid a bouquet. Fresh as it was Kakashi knew that it hadn’t been here this morning, or when he had visited. There would have been nothing strange about it, if it wasn’t for the message hidden. 

Betrayal. North. Rock. 

Frowning Kakashi set off. 

You had started your day as per usual. Waking up you had breakfast with some coffee, marking a few notes down in your notebook as you went through the already decoded messages. Leaving the book open you then exited your apartment, still contemplating as you decided to buy a bouquet. A trip to the memorial was long overdue and needed, for you had been part of the generation that lost much to the war. 

In passing you stopped by the old park, a place of many memories as you had frequently trained there when you were younger. On the backdrop the rock in which the faces of the hokage were carved out stood proud and tall, earning yet another sigh from you. 

From there you swerved into an alley, an unusual choice as you knew it to be an inconvenience with your wheelchair. Unsurprisingly it was indeed a hassle, as soon you found your wheel stuck in a ditch. Knowing that you had to perform some labour now you thus reached for your wheels. 

“Need help?” a voice gruffed, a shadow casting over you from behind. 

“A little push would be appreciated, yes,” you mumbled, not looking up as you busied yourself with your chair. 

Soon after you vanished, leaving only a bottle. 

“You sacrificed yourself.”

Kakashi did not sound amused as he appeared on top of The Hokage Rock. Hands in his pocket the jounin surveyed his surroundings, finding little danger. 

“They’re gone,” you shrugged, your legs uselessly sprawled out as you enjoyed the sight. “It has been a while since I have been up here,” you continued casually. 

“You were willing to put down your life for this,” Kakashi continued, determined to get you to explain the situation. 

Another shrug. “It was honestly more of a challenge. They did steal my wheelchair, though. Such a shame, gallantry has died,” you mused, still unable to treat the situation properly. 

“You aren’t a ninja, [Name].” Kakashi’s voice was growing sharper, his tone annoyed as he reached next to you. “Why?” came his first question. 

Pulling your lips into a long line you let go of a breath, fatigue suddenly washing over you. You had dreaded the conversation, but there had been no avoiding it. 

“I have a duty just as much as you do, Kakashi,” you responded cooly, eyes finally meeting his. “And setting myself up was the best choice for the next phase,” you continued. “Besides, I’m not in need of saving.”

The last words in particular came out colder than you intended. 

Understanding landed upon Kakashi’s expression, worry turned into annoyance, masked by apathy once more. Promptly the male got up, creating a distance between the two of you. 

“Right, how could I forget,” was his bitter response before opening his eye again. “I expect a full report with all the details. Next time try to fill me in if you are to act independently.”

Huffing you gave him a lazy thumbs up at that, eyes rolling at his attitude. 

“You could also just admit that you were worried,” you sighed, laying down on the hard underground for a better view of the man. “No need for an attitude.”

“Of course I worry over my comrades. That is a given,” the man responded, earning yet another roll of the eye from you. 

It was a combination of tiredness as well as mutual annoyance that drew the next words from your lips. Slacking your shoulders you gave the man a sharp eye. 

“You are a tiresome man, Kakashi,” you lamented. “Always surrounded by self-imposed melancholy, never allowing yourself some happiness, it is quite dreadful,” you continued when the man didn’t respond. Words that had been in your mind for a while. Never did you think that it would come out with so much spite. 

“Dreadful and hurtful,” you decided, pushing yourself up as you flipped over. Feeling his eyes burning into your back you heaved another sigh, willing yourself to calm down. This was not the time for petty fights, you knew. 

“I’m quite taken by you, Kakashi. Enough so that I wish I could peek into you. However, you will have to allow it first.” 

With that confessed another silence fell. One you had enough of for now as you started to crawl away from the edge. 

“[Name]!”

Before Kakashi could respond Naruto had arrived, Sasuke and Sakura in tow who each held your wheelchair and medication in hands. 

“Thank heavens, we found you,” the girl nearly welled up, her face pale as she quickly helped you up and handed you the bottle. In the background Naruto was screaming threats for the men that had taken you, a variety of colourful promises vowed and made. 

Exhausted you left the teens to fret and help for now. The debriefing could happen at a later moment, when everyone had cooled down.

[brain-deadx0]

The Lost Prince ch.3

Summary: The kingdom of Elan had once been at peace. It’s said that so long as the royal family lived the land would flourish with them on the throne. But when an unexpected enemy appeared and took the lives of the royal family many stopped believing in the legend. It was simply a ploy by a former ruler to discourage a coup. But some say that the new king sparred the young prince out of fear of the myth, and that one day the true heir would once again take the throne.

Chapter 1

Previous

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER SUMMARY: They have a plan... it may have been a bad plan.

WARNINGS: imprisonment, forcing someone to perform demeaning acts, injury of a main character, blood, let me know if there’s anything else

As the sun began to set Virgil and Janus huddled together away from the door. As much as they appreciated the open door earlier, while looking at the flora and fauna, it was now letting in the cool evening breeze. Neither dared speak aloud outside of the safety of their room which only made ignoring their growling stomachs harder.

They hadn’t eaten since the night before and they couldn’t exactly bring along the small food stash they kept for emergencies. Virgil was actually starting to miss the stale bread when a pair of robins suddenly flew through the door.

The birds each held a small branch covered in berries as they landed in front of him and Janus. Virgil slowly held his hand out and one of the robins hopped towards him to drop the berries in his palm. Janus did the same with the other bird. The two young men nodded in thanks before the two robins flew away again.

“Didn’t know they did that.” Janus murmured before eating one of the berries.

“Unless one of them could get us the keys I don’t think we’ve needed them to anyway.”

The berries hadn’t been near enough to fill the two up, but it did help to quiet their stomachs. It took some time but eventually the two were able to doze off.

-

King Saul flipped though the pages of the old book while he waited for the servant to get there and translate. He couldn’t read whatever language it was written in, but the illustrations provided some clues. Most of it seemed to have something to do with the royal family and fae.

“Your Majesty, the servant is here to translate.” He heard someone call from outside his tent.

“Send him in then.”

A few moments later the servant walked through the door. “Your Majesty,” he bowed.

”Here,” King Saul said as he passed over the book, “now tell me what I need to know.”

“Of course, your Majesty.”

The servant flipped to the right page and began to translate, “If a time may come when their majesties are unable to have a child of their own volition or-“

“I don’t care for those parts. Just tell me the steps and what we need.”

“Yes, Sir.” The servant said before starting again, “The current head of the family and intended heir must share blood... Any amount will do... They then must join hands at sunset... The family head must willingly pass the bond... And both must say the spell.” He summarized.

“So we prick fingers, hold hands, and say a spell. Sounds easy enough.” King Saul mused, “And the spell?”

“I believe it’s “pactum sanguis densior sit quam ex utero sumus participes per familia necessitudines ita et in terra” your Majesty.”

“If that’s all then you may leave.” King Saul told him as he took the book back.

The servant bowed once more before exiting the kings tent. King Saul managed to locate the words of the spell and proceeded to write them down.

-

‘Perhaps,’ He thought to himself, ‘if the false king were not so self centered he might have realized the differences between me and the man who had originally delivered the book.’

...

By the time the sun rose on the second day, Virgil and Janus were wide awake. When the soldiers not standing guard had started waking up it was hard to ignore. Especially when they started to cook breakfast.

“Bastards...” Janus mumbled, earning a small smile from Virgil, “They could’ve at least done it down wind.”

“Some people aren’t very considerate I’m afraid.” A voice told them.

Both young men jumped and instinctively tried to move away from whoever had spoken.

“Oops, didn’t mean to startle you.” A somewhat willowy man in servants clothing told them.

Janus and Virgil shared a cautious glance at each other as the man reached into the satchel at his side before revealing a small loaf of bread. “Here,” He said as he held it out to them, “you’re probably feeling half starved by now.”

The two shared another look before Janus slowly reached forward to take the bread, “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me,” He told them before whispering, “your Majesty.” He winked.

“... Who are you?” Janus asked cautiously.

“You can call me Emile.” He smiled, “And you two have more people on your side than you think.”

”What?” Virgil asked.

Emile’s only response was a finger to his lips and a wink before turning and walking away.

“Well,” Janus started, “that was...”

“Weird.” Virgil finished, “That was definitely weird, right?”

Janus nodded, “Probably.”

The two of them were wary of the bread at first, but whatever fears they may have had were gone after the first bite. They silently decided the taste was because they hadn’t had fresh bread in years. But neither could remember even the freshest bread tasting so sweet.

Neither mentioned it but both felt full and surprisingly invigorated despite the small amount of food.

...

Within a few hours the camp was packed up, the wagon door was closed, and the group was on the move once again.

The weather wasn’t unpleasant and they even seemed to be making good time. That is until a loud thudding sound broke the silence.

Virgil and Janus had let themselves relax as their minds wandered with the shifting of the wagon. It wasn’t until they were suddenly flung into one corner that they realized something had happened.

“Ah what the fuck?” Virgil hissed.

“Sorry,” Janus told him as he attempted to pull himself away, “You alright?”

“Yeah, you?”

“I’m fine. My landing was a bit softer than yours.”

“Oh ha ha.” Virgil deadpanned.

“What’s going on?!” Saul boomed from somewhere ahead of the wagon, “Why are we stopped?!”

“My apologies, your Majesty, but a wheel has fallen off of the prisoners wagon. It doesn’t appear to be damaged, but we’ll have to stop for a while to fix it.” Someone standing nearby said.

“Well hurry up then!”

Janus and Virgil barely managed to get themselves upright by the time the door was opened. “Don’t get any ideas.” The soldier said as he unlocked the metal door.

“Come on we don’t have all day.” He grumbled when the two hesitated.

They shared a somewhat baffled look before Virgil moved to leave the wagon. His feet had barely touched the ground before he was grabbed by the collar and flung to the side, “Hurry up.” The man spat.

“Virgil!” Janus called when his friend hit the ground.

“I’m good.” He told him as he moved to stand up again. He was halfway up when a different soldier appeared next to him and pulled him to his feet. “The ground isn’t nearly as hard as the floor.” Virgil said when Janus joined him. Janus gave a sad smile in agreement.

While several people worked to put the wheel back, Virgil and Janus took the opportunity to soak in the feeling of the ground beneath their feet. It was so soft! And squishy! Even their bed mat was nothing compared to how comfortable the ground felt.

The soldiers were nearly done when the King road over to them on a large grey stallion. “How much longer?” He asked them.

“Almost done, your Majesty. It should be ready in just a minute.” One of them answered.

Saul nodded before turning his attention to Janus and Virgil.

Janus hated the way he looked at them. Normally it was somewhere between happy that he had taken over the kingdom and pissed that he and Virgil still existed. But now there was a bit of greed there too. By some miracle it managed to make Janus hate him more.

Virgil wished he could wipe that smug look off of Saul’s face. Preferably with a chair. But unfortunately he was not that brave and not that stupid. Also he was severely lacking in the chair department at the moment.

“The wagon is fixed, your Majesty. We are ready to continue when you are.” One of the soldiers informed.

“Good. Throw these two back in and let’s move on.” The king ordered as he turned his horse.

“Wait!” Janus said before Saul could leave.

The King paused to look at him but didn’t respond.

“Please, before we go any farther let Virgil go.”

Saul smirked, “Why would I do that?”

“Please,” Janus begged, “you don’t need him. Let him go, and let him live. I promise I will transfer the magic.”

“Why should I believe that? Besides, that scullery rat is good collateral. Why would I risk letting him go while he’s still useful?”

“I swear I will do whatever you ask. Just let him go free. Please.”

Virgil was sure Saul wasn’t actually considering letting him go. There was nothing to gain after all. He just wanted to toy with Janus. As soon as he started getting bored he’d laugh in their faces and they’d be back in the damn wagon.

Honestly he wasn’t sure whether or not to be relieved by that. On one hand he couldn’t escape, but that meant he wouldn’t have to leave Janus.

Virgil was startled out of his thoughts when Saul dismounted and walked over to them.

“Prove it.”

Janus blinked. What?

“Kneel.” Saul told him.

Janus spared a glance at Virgil who shook his head.

Despite his friends opposition Janus took a breath and dropped to one knee before bowing his head. “Please, your Majesty.” He tried again, “Let him go.”

The King’s lips curled into a cruel grin, “Kiss my boot.” He told him.

“Janus no!”

“Silence!” Saul commanded.

“Janus, don’t. Please.” Virgil begged him.

Janus closed his eyes. He hated him. God he hated Saul. He could live forever and never hate anyone more. But his love for Virgil was worth more than that hate. And his life was worth more than Janus’s own pride.

“Please, your Majesty,” he forced as he shifted to both knees.

“Janus...”

“Let my friend go free.”

Virgil couldn’t bring himself to watch. He closed his eyes and turned his head away. But that didn’t prevent the hushed laughter of the soldiers from reaching his ears.

“Someone grab a rope.” Saul ordered, “I believe we may be able to work something out.”

Virgil tried to ignore everyone and everything around him as he opened his eyes. He kneeled next to Janus and tentatively reached to grab his arm. Janus didn’t look at him.

“You shouldn’t have done that. We would’ve been ok.” Virgil choked before pulling him closer in a poor excuse for a hug.

“Just make it.” Janus told him as he attempted to hug back, “Go find that useless knight of ours and don’t look back. Please, Virgil.”

Virgil clung to him tighter, “I can’t just leave you like that.”

“You can and you will.” Janus told him, “Promise me, Virge.”

He wanted to promise. He did. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t make that promise. He would stick to his plan and follow them. He couldn’t leave Janus behind. Not after everything.

“Please.” Janus begged.

But before Virgil even had a chance to reconsider he was pulled back by his hair. He attempted to cling to Janus, but was ripped away as if he hadn’t been holding on at all.

“Remove his chains and then tie him to a tree.” Saul ordered.

“What? No! Let him go! Please!” Janus yelled, “I did as you asked!”

“You did,” he agreed, “and I’m releasing him. Perhaps we can come back to check on him once we complete our little errand at the Delego.”

Janus watched as Virgil attempted to fight back against the soldiers trying to tie him up. All of a sudden he was eight-years old again. Being held too tightly by a man twice his size while his best friend fought tooth and nail just for the infinitesimal chance of escape. And once again he was too scared and too useless to do anything but cry and scream at the bad people to let him go.

The second the chains were off Virgil started swinging. He couldn’t let them tie him up. He wouldn’t stand a chance of helping Janus if that happened. He thrashed against the hands and ropes trying to get some sort of opening. He could vaguely hear Janus screaming something as the soldiers continued to close in on him with the rope.

Virgil sensed more than felt himself fall to the ground. He had to fight harder! They were gonna win and then they would take Janus away and he would never see him again.

He couldn’t move his arms anymore. His legs flailed harder, trying in vain to somehow prevent the inevitable. His legs were stuck now. Something was behind him- Wait something is by his face. He hears what sounds like a scream and his mouth fills with blood.

“Motherfucker!” The soldier who had attempted to gag him yelled when Virgil sunk his teeth into their hand. They quickly pulled their hand back and turned it into a fist.

“NO!” Janus screeched when Virgil’s head lolled to the side, “Virgil!”

“Little bastard.” The soldier spit on him as they clutched their injured hand.

“Remember your promise,” Saul said as Janus was pulled to his feet, “and then maybe we can come back and untie him.”

“You lying son of a bitch.” Janus spat.

He felt a blinding pain as the back of Saul’s hand landed against his face.

“We’ve wasted enough time.” Saul announced, “Let’s get moving.”

“Virgil!” Janus yelled as he was dragged back towards the wagon, “I’ll come back for you! I promise!”

The door was slammed shut and the wagon began to move.

~~~~~~NOTES~~~~~~

Good news: Virgil is no longer in immediate danger. Bad news: He’s unconscious and tied to a tree... Also Janus is still in immediate danger.

Y’all. I SWEAR there is going to be happier chapters. But we gotta get some of the bad stuff out of the way first. Next chapter might have some nice stuff but yeah. Don’t hold your breath for fluff.

[bestworstcase]

hi, first of all, benighted is so good in so many levels - it's really well crafted and has this sense of depth like its a real world and all the characters have so distinct voices. do you have any advice for someone struggling to write fiction?

thank you!!! and yes:

1. write every day. it’s like exercising a muscle: the more you do it and the more regularly you do it, the easier it’s going to become. give yourself a daily word count goal if that helps (this is how i wrote the first draft of benighted—3000+ words per day for a month), or try for a scene a day, or if you’re really struggling just a daily paragraph. make a habit of it. push through the two week wall you’ll hit and it will start to get easier.

2. find a planning method that works for you. not everyone can do traditional outlines—i can’t! the outline for benighted is a long, rambling summary where i just word vomited the whole plot, and then i split it up and slapped it onto a modified freytag pyramid to assess how it balanced and make sure everything felt connected. figure out what helps you and stick to that.

3. for dialogue heavy scenes focus on the dialogue and its rhythm before you do the prose. i write them as scripts first and apply the playwrighting rule of the dialogue should speak for itself—so no stage directions that aren’t absolutely critical. mostly i just mark beats and pauses, which then get filled in with descriptions later. read dialogue out loud also.

4. i honestly don’t have any system for character building, i just… think about them constantly. you have to know what they want, how far they’ll go to get it, and what’s stopping them, because that’s what everything else is built on, but for the rest? i think a lot of people find questionnaires or character sheets helpful, but whatever works for you to get a sense of what the character is like into your head.

5. worldbuilding. read nonfiction. news, history, politics, scientific discoveries, culture; the more you understand about how the real world functions the easier it will be to construct your own. also, accept that the story is only going to scratch the surface of your worldbuilding if you go really in depth with it, because you just can’t pause the narrative to have a character explain the minutia of, like, your calendar system, or whatever. (this pains me constantly and is why i dump notes on this blog lol)

6. at the end of the day, imo a lot of writing is more about gesture and suggestion than conveying the exact details you have in mind, and getting better at it is about honing your ability to say things without saying things. even in straightforward descriptive passages, there will be images you can’t fully articulate without going on for pages and pages about minor details—so you have to figure out the ones that matter most, describe those, and then gesture at the right mood of the rest so your readers’ imaginations can fill in the rest. and with internal monologues it’s the same—people have their thoughts and feelings that they’re consciously aware of and then they have all this… subconscious crap going on underneath and when you describe the former you have to also find ways to gesture at the latter. doing this is terrifying, a constant dance between “is this too obvious? is it stupid?” and “but what if it’s not clear enough” and tbh i don’t feel like i’m much good at it either, but i can tell when it works because people respond really well and really excitedly to passages of mine that gesture effectively.

7. the things you’re passionate about and excited to write are going to be your best writing. pursue stories that make you feel happy when you’re writing them, even if it’s not what’s popular. it’s better to enjoy writing what you want to write than force something that gets lots of clicks but makes you miserable.

8. you are always going to hate your own writing while you’re writing it. resist the urge to delete everything, and don’t revise until you’ve let it sit and settle for a day. be kind to yourself. remember that no one will judge your writing as harshly as you do, because they aren’t comparing it to the ideal scene you have in your head. remember when you read other people’s stories and think “man i could never write like this” that you’re comparing your in progress drafts to somebody’s finished, polished product. be kind to yourself.

mostly it really does boil down to just… doing it. write even if you feel like it sucks. revise until it doesn’t suck. write short character studies, write snippets of dialogue that are out of context in your head, jot down random descriptions or bits of lore. think of it like an artist’s sketches and studies and warm ups; you’re building the coordination between your imagination and the word-crafting part of your brain, you’re training yourself to carve stories out of nothing based on what’s in your head, you’re getting the act of writing into your muscle memory. practice. you’ll always be getting better.

[your-turn-to-role]

ayyyyy happy 4/13 have my second list of classpects, vox machina edition! (@lostsometime to add to the homestuck au)

(m9 here)

vex - thief of mind

vax - rogue of blood

percy - witch of light

keyleth - page of breath

scanlan - thief of life

grog - prince of rage

pike - heir of space

tary - witch of mind

first off, there are a couple copies here, and they don’t have a time player, so vox machina on their own could not win the game. but hey, weird plot shit exists, and the alpha kids managed it by combining their session with the beta kids, so who knows how this would go

(explanations under the cut)

1) vex - thief of mind

vex has a lot of ideas about her sense of self. but when you get right down to it, none of them are actually about her sense of self, and rather about how people see her. image is important to mind players, but it’s not really linked with identity. in fact, the canon description of mind players states they have very fluid, shifting concepts of identity, it’s far more important to them that they remain rational and have a logical line of reasoning than sticking to things just because they feel right or wrong. and i think this is very true for vex, she doesn’t often doubt herself, but she doesn’t really know who she is, beyond just what she’s trying to emulate or avoid.

thief bc she’s still one of the stealth twins, it is very her thing, but she’s definitely the louder of the two, the thief demands to be known, the rogue quietly assists. she’s headstrong, stubborn, and the world owes her everything it’s taken from her, which she definitely plans to steal back. and honestly that’s her right and i love her.

2) vax - rogue of blood

god i really love the fact that the twins are a thief/rogue pair, it not only fits who they are as people but vex being the active version of vax’s passive class and vice versa fits so well

(also fun fact, i have something of a personality test/checklist i grade characters on when i’m struggling to figure out their class or feel like i’m being biased towards one particular classpect. there’s 15 possible points per class, most characters will get a highest score of maybe 9 or 10, homestuck characters get something like 12-13. vax, however, does what no one else has ever done, and scored all 15 points in rogue. he is more rogue per rogue than any rogue in homestuck. 100% pure distilled rogue boy.)

personality quizzes aside though, he really is so obviously a rogue. he’s got everything of the thief archetype built into his entire character, but while a homestuck thief steals by their own will and for their own benefit, all of the rogue’s same actions go towards supporting their friends. also, as a passive class, their decisions tend to be less personal drive based and more guided by their aspect, as if the universe was working through them, which is definitely the case for our champion of the raven queen. they’ve been described in canon as the robin hood class, rebellious, but in an altruistic way. true punk. fuck the system, love recklessly

blood players need a family. they draw their strength from the bonds they have with those around them, they’re stubborn as all hell, especially when it seems like there’s no way out of a situation, but it’s in determination to protect their chosen family and keep everyone safe and happy. if they’re leaders, they’re inspirational ones rather than commanding ones. and this is “dramatic speeches about teamwork and morality” vax, “what the fuck do we have in this world except for moments with each other” vax, “how lucky i have been to have had all of you” vax. what else could he be?

3) percy - witch of light

so percy’s an interesting one, because i kinda wanna give him two classpects? like, if you classpect percy before or during the briarwood arc, he’s a prince of light. after that, he becomes way more of a witch. (though, to be fair, light players and witches are both incredibly prone to getting possessed, so, maybe he was a witch all along and just acted really prince-y)

he’s definitely an active class, no doubt about it. percy will fight gods to achieve his own ends. prince, being the most active class, and one designed to cause destruction, definitely suits orthax percy. but then things change, and you realise what he actually is

witches are manipulator classes, like knights, but active manipulator classes. they can’t create things out of nothing like some classes do, but instead bend and twist and transform their aspect (and the world around them, using their aspect) to achieve their goals. percy’s human, and not magic. he doesn’t have any particular special abilities in order to do things, he gets by on ingenuity and reckless bravery. that post that was going around a while ago about how all of vox machina are basically gods and percy’s just a guy with a gun does well to prove the point here, because he keeps up anyway. he’s made mistakes and there are things in the world now that he can’t change, but he does his best to work within those constraints and make as good of a world as he can with what he has

and what he has, usually, is knowledge. which is the main dominion of the light aspect, along with luck (and, you know, taliesin and dice rolling). light players are scholars first and foremost, but very rarely bookish scholars, instead the kind of scholars that think they can make a demon deal and get away with it because they’re clever enough for that, and also they’re extra enough that they’d do it anyway for the aesthetic

4) keyleth - page of breath

this was the easiest of all of these for me to do, it just slots so neatly into place. pages are a slow moving class that have to work their way around all the side quests before they get a lot of their power, but after that they’re powerhouses. they’re easily underestimated, by others and by themselves. keyleth takes a while to come to terms with herself and her power and her effect on the world, most of the plot takes place within her slowly completing her aramente, she often worries she won’t be good enough for anything that’s expected of her, but once she hits level 20 she is a master of the elements, a true leader of her people, and literally unkillable.

breath fits for two reasons. the first is being the aspect of freedom, of acting without being controlled by anyone else’s thoughts or decisions. and keyleth, for all her anxiety and all her bad luck, has never made a choice she didn’t agree with. along with vax she’s the first to speak up when she feels like the group’s moral choices aren’t holding up to her standards, when they’re moving in a direction that isn’t right. the second is that it’s the aspect of air, and the wind, and she’s literally the leader of the air ashari. she can and does in fact do the windy thing

5) scanlan - thief of life

we’ve covered life already in my nott/veth explanation, but it really is so scanlan. look at this excerpt and tell me it’s not written for scanlan shorthalt

[If you're poisoned, chances are the Life-bound have something for what ails ya. This applies to both physical and mental suffering, though it might not be a cure you'll like. They also have the tendency to put other's needs before their own, which never ends well for anyone, because the Life-bound can grow bitter if they feel their own self-care has had to be shunted aside.]

figuring out class was harder? a lot of vox machina classes are pretty difficult to figure out. prince would work to an extent because of scanlan’s self destructive tendencies, bard would work to an extent because he often feels like things are out of his hands, but i think i’m going with thief. scanlan’s more of an active class, despite playing support in dnd, he’s very self motivated and not one to listen much to the guidance of the universe. thief i feel fits with the headstrong attitude, the creative out of the box thinking, and the need for attention in a very specific way (less so having people celebrate you, scanlan enjoys that but can easily shrug it off if it doesn’t happen, it’s more causing things for the sake of knowing and having other people know that you caused them)

6) grog - prince of rage

honestly this is the one i’d be most willing to bend on? it, took me forever to come up with any kind of classpect for grog, he seems to resist being classpected. i know a lot about him as a person, but translating that into either class or aspect was just hard. but i’ve gone with prince because grog’s never stopped for anyone (except maybe pike), because it’s a destruction based class, because it’s the most active on the scale, and grog is definitely one to go do things purely because he wants to do things and wants to do them now.

rage because rage players are about truth at all costs, even if that cost is often destabilizing entire systems and leaving the rubble to pick itself back up. and it makes me think about how grog has never really wanted to disguise himself, and especially about just before the kevdak fight - he knew he would probably get killed if he went back there as himself, but he refused to go in under false pretenses, because that wouldn’t be right

7) pike - heir of space

ashley’s just always drawn to those heirs. i think though with pike it definitely is a consequence of her being in and out a lot, because she’s not just an heir, she’s an heir of space.

heirs tend to stumble into their role rather than creating it or seeking it out. on a meta level, ashley only created pike because the team needed a cleric and she worked it out from there, but as far as pike herself is concerned, she doesn’t really know what she’s supposed to be doing or what her purpose is, but she’s been trying to do her best to follow sarenrae’s teachings, trying to do her best to guide her friends, and hoping that nothing goes wrong along the way.

space, too, is an aspect of patience. it’s about valuing the journey more than the destination, it’s about seeing what the universe has in store for you and trusting that it’s just as likely to turn out good as it is bad - you’ll know when the time comes to step in, at which point space players are pretty fierce fighters. but for now, for pike, it’s trying to help her friends one step at a time

8) tary - witch of mind

tary is like percy but cheating. he has a lot more resources to work with bc he just goes out and buys shit. but the witch reasoning still stands, they are very similar people in that respect, good at working within a set of restraints so well you don’t even notice the restraints are there

mind rather than light because, tary doesn’t quite hunger after knowledge in the same way. instead he’s much more concerned with the application of it, of how to get from point a to point b as efficiently as possible, and how that benefits him. (also because he’s not nearly as extra as light players. have you met light players? like i love them but jesus christ. who let them be Like That)

[dear-selena]

All I See (Peter Parker x Soulmate! Reader): Chapter 5

Peter Parker x Reader Soulmate!AU

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Epilogue

Summary: You live in a world where women start to gain color when they meet their soulmate, but they cannot see all the colors at once until they’ve united with them. Peter Parker is your soulmate, but he has no idea. You want to tell him about the colors you see, but are afraid to. Sometimes, girls can be malicious with the soulmate troupe, and you don’t want Peter to think you’re doing the same. So you keep quiet, and experience one color at a time. 

It isn’t until Liz Allan comes in the picture that all you see is green, and you hate it. 

Warnings: Angst, one or two small swear words

A/N: Wow, you guys are incredible! Thank you all for the support you’ve given me so far! I haven’t written in so long, and posting my fan fiction on here was a little nerve wrecking. But I’m so glad I got to share this story with you all! 

This chapter is a lot longer than the previous ones, and I plan on uploading an epilogue to wrap things up, but this chapter should ultimately answer all your questions that I left you hanging on. If there’s something you still want to ask, please hit me up! Otherwise, enjoy the 2nd to final installment of my first Peter Parker fanfiction!

Chapter Five: Intense Colors 

Words: 3217

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You didn’t leave your house for two days. 

After running away from Peter, you found yourself sobbing into a bathroom sink. With puffy eyes and tear stains stuck on your cheeks, you slowly accepted the blue color you were experiencing. You’ve never seen blue before, as Peter’s never made you sad before. But considering how your confession went and how angry he became, you think you’ll be seeing blue for a long time. 

You ultimately decide to skip the rest of the school day, and sneak off campus to go home early. Normally, you would never rebel like this, but you felt this situation would be an exception. Running off campus, you start the long 30 minute walk home, trying to hold in your tears out in public. However, once you get home, you make a beeline to your room. Despite your house being empty with your parents at work and your siblings not ditching school, you want to shut the world out, especially when they get home. 

You broke into loud sobs as you flung yourself onto your bed, well aware of how obnoxiously dramatic you were acting. All the frustration and emotion you bottled in for so long suddenly flowed out of you, ready to drown anyone close to you. 

Letting out your emotions was important in order to calm down, so you continue to cry into your pillow until you felt you couldn’t cry anymore. After what felt like an eternity (when it reality, it was ten minutes), you found yourself dozing off, tired from everything you’ve experienced today. Within minutes, you were fast asleep. 

A few hours later, you woke up with a startle to your phone furiously vibrating. Your eyes flutter open as you tried to get a bearing of your surroundings, groggy from your nap. You grab your phone to see Peter’s unflattering profile picture light up your screen. 

He was calling you. 

As much as you wanted to answer the phone and hear his voice, as much as you wanted to talk to him and sort things out, you were still utterly overwhelmed over what happened. You didn’t feel you were ready to face him again. 

You didn’t feel you were ready to talk to someone who doesn’t want you. 

You immediately decline the call and quickly turn off your phone, throwing it back on your nightstand and turning over in your bed. You try going back to sleep, but after twenty minutes of frustratingly tossing and turning, you realize your body wasn’t cooperating with you. Sighing with frustration, you get out of bed, and start doing the homework you knew you had. 

For the next two days, you found yourself completely unmotivated to do anything productive. You would wake up for school, but found yourself panicking and your blue vision becoming more intense. It didn’t help that when you turned your phone back on, you found a dozen messages from your friends. 

From: Ned

Hey (Y/N) I heard about what happened… are you okay? 

From: MJ

I’m glad you were able to talk to him, but you’re kind of being ridiculous right now. 

From: Ned 

I’m really worried about you (Y/N)... please call me back when you get the chance. 

From: Peter 

(Y/N) Where’d you go?

From: Peter

Please talk to me. Are you okay?

From: Peter 

Please call me when you’re ready (Y/N). I’m really concerned about you. 

Yeah right Peter… 

Your parents ended up finding you in your distressed state before school was supposed to start, constantly rereading Peter’s messages yet refusing to answer. Embarrassed at how your parents found you, you try to play it off as nothing was wrong and you were just sick. However, your parents could see right through you. Hesitantly, you explained what happened with Peter, your colors, and Liz. They immediately understood. 

“Sweetie it’s okay,” Your parents cooed as they helped calm you from your panic. “Soulmates are destined to work out…” 

Peter said the exact same thing to you. But it just didn’t feel true anymore. 

They wholeheartedly understood your decision to stay home from school that day. Although they started to grow more concerned when you avoided school the next day as well. By the time Thursday rolled around, your parents forced you out of the house. They didn’t want you shutting the world out anymore. They wanted you to face your issues head on. 

As much as you wanted to argue with them, they did have a point. 

You make it to school that Thursday morning, extremely aware of everyone’s eyes on you. Everyone looks so different now they were blue, and it was still unsettling to see this color. But you need to get used to this color. After all, you knew you’d be seeing it for a long time. 

Things went well during the first half of the school. Teachers caught you up with your lessons and you simply focus on note-taking and getting to your classes on time. You didn’t see any of your friends yet, and for the classes you had with Peter, you manage to get to class very last minute so you could avoid him at all costs. Eventually, lunch rolls around and you start walking to the cafeteria. While thinking about what slop you wanted to eat for lunch, you look up to see Peter talking to Liz. For a moment, your vision turns into a very familiar shade of green, but slowly fades back into the blue you’ve seen for days. You knew you should have expected to see them together, but it still made you a little sad to see your soulmate with someone else. 

Who are you kidding, you were absolutely heartbroken. 

Peter turns his head and his gaze locked on you. Your eyes go wide and you feel your body go completely numb, your vision changing colors instantly. You saw pink, yellow, and blue fight for dominance as Peter’s eyes widen, putting his full attention on you. All you wanted was to run into his arms, hold him close, and apologize to him over and over again, hoping he would forgive you. However, blue won the battle, and engulfs your vision once again, reminding you of the emotions you were still fighting to hide. 

Before Peter could react, you found yourself running away from the cafeteria. You keep running until you suddenly found yourself in front of the school library. Without hesitation, you walk into the library, and spent your lunch period there. 

----------------------

For the following two weeks, you commit yourself to an unhealthy cycle. You’d arrive at school at the last minute just to avoid running into Peter before class. For every class you had with Peter and Ned, you’d get to class last minute and sit close to the door, so that when class was over, you could run out and dodge them. You weren’t sure if they actually paid attention to you, but from the uncomfortable tingling you felt on the back of your neck during class, you knew they noticed you. 

During lunch you’d go to the library instead of the cafeteria, diving back into reading as a way to distract yourself. Getting through a majority of the reading your english teacher recommended, you found that you thoroughly enjoying these books. Reading was something you wished you had more time for but unfortunately, school took a lot of your free time away. 

At this point, your unhealthy routine started to feel natural, and you almost forgot why you were acting this way. But the blue that engulfed your vision was a constant reminder of how your soulmate made you feel. You really wanted to make things right, but you honestly didn’t know how. Communication was obviously not your strong suit, and you were tired of making things worse. 

On Wednesday, you were doing your avoidance routine as usual, showing up to class last minute, and leaving right when the bell rang. When lunch rolls around, you grab your lunch from your locker and make your way to the library per usual. However, when you approach the table you usually occupy, you suddenly stop dead in your tracks. Reading a book, right in front of you, in the chair you’ve claimed for the last two weeks, the one and only Peter Parker sat lacking concentration. Your eyes widen as you took a good look at your soulmate that you’ve been avoiding. He was turning the pages of his book, practically skimming the contents. His right leg shook underneath the table and he bit his bottom lip back. His left hand was in his hair, his head resting against it uneasily. If you were reading things correctly, you’d assume he was nervous. 

What does he have to be nervous about?

Before he could see you, you turn around and start walking away. Without looking back, you thought you were in the clear. However, a hand suddenly lands on your left shoulder and you turn around to see Peter staring at you with deep concern. 

“(Y/N),” Peter whispers pleadingly. “Can we go talk somewhere private?” 

You look into his eyes, your vision suddenly turning purple and your hands starting to shake. Trying to avoid his eyes was nearly impossible, as you were mesmerized by his stare. You haven’t actually taken a good look at him since you ran from him two weeks ago, and it was completely overwhelming to have him suddenly in front of you. You knew he was angry at you, that much was clear, but as he held your shoulder with security and pleadingly staring at you, something inside of you melted. 

“...okay,” You hesitantly say, unsure if your voice was audible. 

Peter nods his head and starts to walk out of the library, letting go of your shoulder. In a trance, you follow closely behind him, staring at him in disbelief. Peter walks forward, but looks behind himself to make sure you’re still following him. As much as you want to run, you knew avoiding Peter was only making things worse. As much as you didn’t want to talk to him yet, you knew he was ready to talk to you.

As much as you didn’t want to confront your soulmate, you knew he at least deserves a chance to tell you why he doesn’t want you. 

--------------------

Peter led me to the parking lot outside the school’s entrance. 

Sitting next to him on the curb, you found yourself lost in thought. For the longest time, there was silence between you two. You look down at your shoes, refusing to glance at your soulmate. From the corner of your eye. You could see that Peter was in the exact same position as you. 

Crazy thoughts ran through your mind as your vision turns purple. Did Peter want to explain why he wanted to be with Liz? Did Peter want to talk about the soulmate thing and let you down easy? Did Peter feel bad for you? Either way, you couldn’t help but feel your anxiety going through the roof. 

“What color do you see?”

Your head jerks towards Peter at his sudden question. He still looks down, but lifts his head up slightly to make eye contact with you. As your brain processes that he was actually talking to you, you study his features that you secretly miss. Even though you wish you weren’t here, you’ll admit you  miss seeing Peter and talking to him. You miss talking to him everyday and hanging out with him and Ned. You knew you were putting yourself through a lot of grief avoiding him, but you felt your guard completely break down in front of him. 

“Purple.” You look back down at your shoes. 

“What does that mean?” 

“It means I’m scared…” You felt some tears fall. 

Peter puts his full attention on you. “(Y/N), What are you scared of?” 

Your hesitation was obvious. You muster all the courage you have and look up at him. “I don’t know what’s about to happen.” 

Peter nods his head and looks back down, thoughts obviously running through his own mind. When he’s ready however, he looks back up at you. “I get that. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure what’s about to happen either.” He laughs at himself, but you don’t find anything funny. “How are you doing?”

You look down and shake your head, trying to stop the tears from falling. “Honestly, it’s been hard… accepting everything and all.” 

Peter nods his head. “Same here. I wish you just talked to me earlier you know?” 

More tears fall out, despite your denial. “I know I’m so sorry Peter. I knew about what happened with you and Gwen way before you told me about it and I didn’t want to freak you out. I thought if I told you about it, you’d think I was lying and hate me. I wanted things to happen naturally but I was too late.” You take a deep breath, ready to accept the consequences of your actions. “But it’s more important for me to support you. If you rather be with Liz I totally understand. She’s a gorgeous girl and I don’t know her well, but I think she’ll be good for you. You deserve someone who cares about you, and I hope you find what you’re looking for with her.” 

Peter’s face morphs into a look of utter confusion. “(Y/N), what the hell are you talking about?” 

You quizzically look at him, Your vision going back to blue. “... Don’t you like Liz?” 

Peter immediately smacks his face in frustration. “Oh my god (Y/N), you’ve got to be kidding me!” Your eyes widen suddenly but he looks back up at you. “I mean, yeah, I liked Liz. But she’s not my soulmate.” 

You open your mouth in shock, but before you can comment, he continues to talk. 

“I believe you (Y/N), I believe that you’re my soulmate.” 

You look at him in disbelief as you finally let the tears flow, a warm fuzzy feeling erupting in your chest and your vision turning pink. Bringing your knees close to your chest and hugging your legs, you try to contain your emotions. Peter continues to look at you with concern, patiently waiting for your response. 

“What about you and Liz?”

Peter sighs. “Honestly, there really isn’t anything anymore. I ended up telling her about you and the colors you saw because of me, and she opened up to me about how she met her soulmate back in Seattle. She just doesn’t like the type of person he is, so she’s trying to avoid him at all costs. She asked me if I still wanted to go on a date with her, but I told her I’d rather be with my soulmate.” 

“Then why did you yell at me when I confessed?” 

“Because you waited to tell me!” Peter ran a hand through his hair. “We’ve been best friends for months, but you knew from the moment you met me that you were my soulmate and you didn’t tell me. I didn’t realize you saw different colors depending on what I did or how I made you feel. I’ve always wanted my soulmate to be honest with me from the start, but you didn’t say anything and thinking about that drives me nuts. Not gonna lie, I was angry at you. In fact, I’m still a little angry. I hate that you kept this from me.” 

You shrink into yourself, burying your head into you knees and mumbling an “I’m sorry”. 

“Hey, Hey, Hey,” Peter quietly says as he slides to put his arm around you, rubbing his hand on your arm to try and soothe you. You find yourself leaning into his embrace, ultimately realizing how much you love being in his presence. “Yes, I’m still a little worked up right now. But that doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you.” 

You look up at him, the pink becoming more intense. “I like you (Y/N), I have for a while now. I honestly wondered if you were my soulmate, but I thought you would have told me a while ago, so I was just happy to be your best friend. When you told Ned, MJ, and I at lunch that you had a soulmate, I honestly thought it couldn’t have been me. I mean, how could a guy like me, awkward and nerdy, be destined to someone as wonderful and beautiful as you?” He laughs at himself again, this time in disbelief. 

“Peter! Oh my god no!” You put your hand on his cheek and he looks at you once again. “You’re literally the sweetest person I know. You’re so caring and understanding and I really like how smart you are. You help me when I need someone and I’m so thankful to you. I just want to help you when you needed someone too. Not only that, you’re constantly protecting the city, much to the purple I see when you go out.” Peter and you chuckle at that. “I’m glad that I have a soulmate that’s so wonderful, and not to mention, cute as hell.” 

Peter laughs as he takes your unoccupied hand in his. “You can talk to me when things are good, but avoid me when things are bad?” He laughs as you feel a blush cross your cheeks. 

“Yeah… you know I don’t do well when bad things happen.” 

“Oh trust me (Y/N), I really know that now. Especially after these past two weeks.” Peter stops talking for a moment and the both of you embrace each other after a long awaited reunion. “Honestly, I’m still upset about what happened. I don’t like how you completely avoided me.” 

You look at Peter sadly. “I’m sorry, that’s just what I do. I didn’t know how to approach you. Is there anything I can do?”

Peter shakes his head. “No, I think it’ll take time for me to forgive and forget. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to leave your side now.” You look at him quizzically. “We have so much to catch up on! I want to learn more about my soulmate!” 

You look at him happily, completely in shock of what’s happening. Before you knew it, Peter cups your cheek again and leans in quickly, kissing you for the first time. His lips are soft and sweet, and your body turns to putty as he moves his lips with yours. When he pulls away, he puts his forehead on yours, and you open your eyes to see him smiling at you with the most intense shade of pink you’ve seen thus far. 

You spend the rest of the lunch period in Peter’s embrace, the two of you kissing constantly and just reminiscing in each other. It wasn’t until you hear the bell ring that you two hesitantly got up and went back to school. For the rest of the day however, you couldn’t focus, as you couldn’t stop thinking about how your soulmate came back into your life. You didn’t think you’d ever see pink again. But like your parents and Peter said before, soulmates are destined to work out. 

And you couldn’t wait to grow with him.

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