#i honestly don't know why i ignored this song for so many years

[merp-blerp]

TW: Discussion of sexual assault and suicidal ideation

I've been seeing some debate about Calypso and whether or not she sexually assaulted Odysseus and I want to throw in my two cents.

I'll say straight out of the gate that I don't currently like her much. I feel pretty icky about her personally.

Comparing Ody's behavior in Epic prior to "Love in Paradise" vs during the song feels so... clearly different. He seems very traumatized by whatever has been happening on that isle. It almost feels out of character for him to consider dying instead of fighting to get home alive like he had been, but putting myself in his shoes I can see how he came to that through what's textually known. He has been trapped on that isle for 7 years—that's nearly a decade, with no way to get out, everyone he knows and loves dead or far away with no way to know where he is or if he's alive. While I obviously would never think that's a good decision, I can see how he got to the point of wanting to end it. And if he's been sexually assaulted like he was in The Odyssey, I understand it more due to how that can warp a person's mental health.

I've seen some say, "Calypso is just a sweetie who doesn't know how to love properly" (paraphrasing of an actual comment I've seen). Even if she really just doesn't know how to care for a mortal, as many of the gods seemingly don't, I think she understands her power over mortals with her "Bow down now to the immortal Calypso" comment. She also understands that Odysseus doesn't want her, with the first part of her response to Ody's threats being "Oh handsome, you may try". She knows that he may try to escape by killing her (even though she can't die). Honestly, why would she feel the need to trap him if she didn't know good and well that he would want to escape her? She knew what she was doing was something that would make him want to run. Calypso being a goddess automatically gives their dynamic a power imbalance of course. Even though the assault is only implied, the fact that she's trapping Ody against his will, super infatuated by him, and still says "Soon, into bed we'll climb and spend our time", makes me feel like the indication is clear. What's stopping her from trying to have "sex" with him (sex isn't sex without consent)? She's already ignored all his declines. She seems to think that forcing her "love" onto him will make him love her. Yes, she uses lovey-dovey language so I doubt it would've appeared violent, but sexual assault doesn't have to look violent and the perpetrator doesn't have to appear aggressive. It's telling that I've seen some say, "Save that energy for Antinous" because Antinous is much more obviously bad, but this kind of thing isn't always obvious. That kind of assault is still extremely traumatizing whether it's sugarcoated as if it's love or not. It's dismaying that some reactions to Calypso bypass her potential assaulting or "She's weird, but she seems to care for him!" And since the sexual part of the assault is technically subtext (for now, who knows about later), I'll say that even if Calypso didn't sexually harm him, she still forces physical and verbal intimacy onto him and traps him so he can't leave. We see that. That's still assault. The only reason why I don't feel similarly about Epic's version of Circe is that her intent wasn't to have sex with Ody but to distract and throw him off with talk of sex so she could stab him as he's vulnerable; Circe never wanted to have sex with Ody in actuality. Calypso's intent was romantic intimacy and she didn't care if Odysseus said no, she completely bypassed it. Calypso saying "You're mine, all mine" feels as threatening as Circe's "I've got you" was meant to be.

Anything can change between now and the next two sagas. It could either be fully confirmed or denied that sexual assault took place. I actually don't expect either, as I don't think Jay would go too deep into such a traumatic concept in Epic, but then again I also didn't expect suicidal ideation to be brought up at all and it absolutely shocked me when it was, so I could be wrong. But whether it's confirmed or not, I don't blame any Epic fans who don't like Calypso or even hate her over what she did and what it's implied she did. It's icky watching some fans tell others they shouldn't hate Calypso because of this or that as if this isn't a sensitive and complex topic. It's creepy. I don't think we should tell people not to hate a character associated with sexual assault. The sexual assault might be subtext, but subtext is important and sometimes is implemented intentionally. Not every part of a story is going to be given to you at face value. Just because "Epic didn't say that" doesn't mean that the implication doesn't matter. People interact with stories in different ways, so you can disagree with others—no one can take that from you, but you don't get to tell someone they can't feel a certain way about a character. I don't like saying this because I really shouldn't have to put it in this perspective for it to be understood, but I can't help but feel like if Calypso and Ody's genders were swapped some people would treat this implication differently. Sexually or not she hurts him.

Normally I don't like taking lore from The Odyssey and automatically applying it to Epic, as Epic has changed a lot of rules from The Odyssey because Jay wants to tell this story his own story. For example, I personally choose not to assume Eury and Ody are brothers-in-law in Epic like they are in The Odyssey because that hasn't been stated in Epic so far. But to me, the implications of Ody's sexual assault are there enough for me personally to think that it might take place in both stories. Jay seems to want Epic to be accessible to many people, so it doesn't surprise me that this element of The Odyssey was brought up in a more subtextual/"hinted at" way.

Calypso is a very interesting character, maybe the most out of all the Epic antagonists so far for me, but we don't have to think of her as not doing anything wrong in order to enjoy that character, her songs, her cute physical character design, or Barbara Wangui's beautiful voice.

[The remainder of this post contains potential spoilers for the unreleased (to date) Vengeance Saga under the cut]

Another defense of Calypso I've seen is that in the snippets for "I'm Not Sorry for Loving You", Ody says he loves Calypso, but not in the way she wants him to. This could mean they're friends and therefore doubt about the sexual assault could be cast.

It's hard to assess this because the saga's not out yet, but it's worth remembering that abuse can come out of care, in a complicated way. You can care for someone so much you end up hurting them, usually out of wanting to control them. Calypso seems to fit that concept. And most Epic snippets don't give full context, naturally, so who knows why Ody says this at the moment. Maybe he means it, or maybe he's bluffing to guarantee he'll get what he wants (which is to be set free in this instance), like when meeting Athena, or to appease a god, like when "apologizing" to Poseidon in "Ruthlessness". And of course, victims don't have to hate their perpetrators if they choose not to. Odysseus can care about Calypso and she can still have hurt him really badly. Both of these things can be true.

The way I read it, Calypso doesn't love Odysseus like she thinks she does. She's infatuated by him and cares for him enough to not be obviously cold like all the other obstacles Ody faced initially are. She declares that she loves him as soon as he wakes up on her isle without knowing him at all. She didn't even know his name. The washed-up person on her isle could've been anyone and she likely would've "loved" them. Calypso only loves Ody because he stops her loneliness, not for who he is. When she begins to state that she loves him she doesn't even know him. Over the 7 years, she seems to have potentially gotten to know him a bit, saying "I know your life's been hard", but Odysseus himself asserts that she doesn't really know what he's been through. You can call someone (against their will, let me remind you) "my dear, my love for life" all you want, but that doesn't mean you love them. Ody's her first companion in years if not ever, of course she cares for him on a basic level. She won't kill him or let him jump off a cliff. But she doesn't love him or treat him like a human and obey his boundaries and wants. She treats him like an object or pet she owns and has to guard.

In "I'm Not Sorry For Loving You" Calypso says that Ody is all she's ever known because she was abandoned. It's understandable that she would latch onto a living creature after being alone for so long. But that's not necessarily love, at least not to me. If I love someone I wouldn't bypass their refusal to do something. And I wouldn't trap them with me and not let them go, even when they're about to jump off a cliff because they see no way out. I'm not sure if Calypso means to bring malice, she at least says she "bring(s) no pain", but she does regardless or if she intends to. Calypso hasn't had anyone in her company, let alone someone to love, for so long, maybe in her whole life. That's why she doesn't know what love is, so of course when she catches fickle feelings for Odysseus she assumes that's love and has no clue what to do with her "love", as she admits in "I'm Not Sorry For Loving You". Calypso's actions are understandable, but that doesn't mean they're excusable or not abusive. What she does to him is understandable, but selfish and only serves herself, which isn't what you do to someone you love. Note that the way I use understandable here does not equate to forgivable, it just means conceivable. And her apology to him really waters down the magnitude of her actions, saying she "pushed" him, "came on too strong", and that her love might've been "too much" for Ody.

I apologize for this being such a long rant, but I wanted to cover all the excuses for Calypso I'd seen and speak my mind on why I think they're misguided at best.

[beevean]

Sonic the Hedgehog ‘06

My Destiny

[coddda]

Light's relationship with his father is such a heartbreaking multi-faceted tragedy to me I hate it so so so much.

Soichiro loves his son so much, and while he's certainly not a perfect father I know that he cares deeply about Light. He wants to prove Light's innocence so badly but he can't let go of the underlying doubt that he might really be Kira and it gnaws at him. He does not know that from the very beginning he was being used by Light, whether it was to obtain information about the investigation, or to get to L, or to strengthen the foundations of his own lie that he wasn't Kira, this entire time he was simply another resource. He'll hang onto this doubt for years, even after L is dead, even if he doesn't express it in the latter half of the series, until he himself is on his deathbed, with what he believes to be undeniable proof that Light isn't Kira. (It's a lie, of course.) He dies happy, but it's on the foundations of blissful ignorance. His own son brought him here, brought him to the point where he had to sacrifice half of his own remaining life span, to his own death march, and was still trying to use him even now to kill someone else, but he doesn't know that. Soichiro said that what was evil was the power to kill others, and that whoever used it was cursed. Light was that cursed man, of course, and he tried to bring that curse onto Soichiro too by making him kill in his last moments. Soichiro was happy regardless, because he didn't know. He'll never know. (In the manga/anime at least. More on that later).

Light loves his father but it's not enough to turn him away from the terrible decisions he's made, if anything it only fuels them. His idea of "justice" is a twisted model of what he parroted from Soichiro, and he uses his father as another pawn (and a powerful one at that) in his plans. If he can prove that Kira is justice then perhaps his father will no longer call Kira, and therefore Light, evil, so he just needs to ensure that Kira becomes justice, right? It's Light's own actions that land his own father in the hospital for a stress-induced heart attack and yet he says only a few minutes later that he's the happiest he's ever been in his entire life. Even after Soichiro denounces Kira by calling him evil, even after he calls the Death Note's power evil, even after he unknowingly tells Light that he is cursed. When Soichiro dies Light is too deep in his own plans to actually properly process the fact that his own father is dying past what it means for his goals, but at the same time he still cares enough that after the fact he'll genuinely cry, only to brush it all away later. (Personally, I don't have a single doubt in my mind that Light's crying in that scene was genuine and I Will die on this hill). Soichiro had unknowingly denounced Light one last time just before his death, openly relieved that he "wasn't Kira after all", which also reveals that he has had doubts about Light this entire time, even after L died. By the time he's caught at the Yellow Box Warehouse Light will have denounced his father too, seeing him as someone who was made to be a fool, someone who was naive, even, too earnest for his own good. He won't realize that part of this description of his father might have applied to Light himself, back when this all started. Light takes after his father so much in so many ways already, so why not in this way too?

Ough. And honestly the other adaptations never miss out on this tragedy either, and I love them for that. (spoilers for the musical and 2006 live action movies I guess?)

In the musical we see Soichiro express his doubts and conflicts about who to believe, Light or L, if the son he raised really is a murderer, if everything he knows about him is just a lie. Like, there's an entire song about this, and you can tell how torn he is about it all, how badly he wants Light to be innocent but about how he also needs to face the truth no matter what it is, but at the end of it all he doesn't even get the answers he wants. At the end of the musical the only thing he finds is two corpses, Light's and L's, with no answers. No last words, no closure, only dead ends and a dead son and a grieving daughter. It's so awful I hate it here.

And the live action movie is fucking Insane. Like, wow. Okay. (Spoiler for the ending of Death Note The Last Name I guess) In the 2006 movies/novels Light writes Soichiro's name in the Death Note himself, and it's such an inconcievable move that it leaves even Misa shocked; Light tries to make Soichiro give him the Death Note for the last part of his plans, seeing his death as a "necessary sacrifice" (insert tangent essay about why I think 2006 live action movie Light is actually the most "coldhearted" Light Yagami, despite how infamous anime Light is). It doesn't work, and Soichiro does end up finding out that Light is Kira this time, and they have a confrontation, but he doesn't even sound truly hateful towards Light for it. He Never seems to outright hate Light for it, even after Light calls the whole confrontation a waste of time and instead tries to continue killing with the piece of the notebook in his watch, even after he tries to get Ryuk to kill everyone. When Ryuk inevitably writes Light's name and he collapses, Soichiro still reaches out for him and holds onto him as he's dying. Light literally dies in Soichiro's arms, still looking for the validation that he was right, that this wasn't all for nothing, that he was doing the good thing, trying to make Soichiro understand that he was trying to enact justice based on what he learned from him in the first place. Soichiro not only learns but sees for himself what his son has become, and Light dies in his arms leaving no closure for either of them. Soichiro will announce Light's death in L Change the WorLd on the news without saying his name, saying instead that it is only Kira who is dead, even though he and Light are one in the same. Sachiko and Sayu will never get to know the full truth about what happened to Light, instead Soichiro will lie and instead tell them: "Light was killed by Kira."

And then holy Shit the jdrama. If I write about it here this post is gonna literally double in length and also I don't really wanna spoil it but. Man. Man. If you watched it you know. Holy Shit dude I Cried.

It's the fact that, canonically, Soichiro will die oblivious to what Light has done, but even in the instances where he does find out, it doesn't make it any better, and it doesn't make him love Light any less, it just gives him more to grieve.

It's the fact that there isn't a single universe where Light doesn't use his father for his own gain, whether to gain information, or to try and control him with the Death Note, or make him write in the Death Note himself, and not a single time will he realize just how far he's strayed from Soichiro's ideals, and not a single time will he not forsake him for it by the end of the story.

It's the fact that, despite everything, Light will always refers to Soichiro as "dad/my dad" (informal) rather than "father/my father", even after he has been "denounced" (and this is true in every language that Death Note has been translated in, as far as I could find. Man, isn't that so cool! :) <- Through tears).

Anyways that's what I've been thinking of how's your guys' days going

[f1version]

SANTA DOESN’T KNOW YOU LIKE I DO ‧͙*̩̩͙❅ MSC47

pairing: Mick Schumacher x reader ( she/her )

summary: Mick and you have been best friends for years, been through the good and bad, but feelings change and thoughts spiral. Will this holiday time make both of you realize that you could be the one?

warnings/info: fluff, best friends to lovers, miscommunication (they’re avoiding each other), kissing, a bit of anxiety, a try-to hallmark movie my way through fics. 

word count: 2.1k words

note: inspired on sabrina carpenter’s song! hope you like it, have a good day and happy holidays! 

snowglobe, a holiday special

DECEMBER 20, 2023

It’s cold outside; snow is falling everywhere but not with enough force to block the streets or close the stores. Usually, when the weather looks like this, you would call Mick and bake those cookies he loves. He would put on his ‘Emotional Support’ apron and pretend to help. You would tease him about how he never does anything, just there to eat, and he would laugh, eyes lighten up, and say something along the lines of—I just passed you the flour! or whatever ingredient he helped you grab from the shelf ten minutes back.

Sometimes you wonder how you ended up in this place, so desperately in love with your best friend, with butterflies in your stomach when he hugs you, a silly smile on your face when he tells some awful joke, and an enormous fear of telling him, sort of. It doesn’t matter; that won't stop you from baking cookies on such a pretty snowy day.

You: Wanna come over? I’m making cookies

Mick: Very busy right now

Mick: Just do them without me

You: that's alright

Here’s the thing: Mick’s been acting as cold as snow since the last time you saw each other a week ago. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, not that you are aware of; you were watching Hallmark movies together, and he decided to leave abruptly before the movie ended. Maybe it’s just an emergency, he said, but he’s been running away from you for days, your friends confused over the whole thing. 

You wonder if he’s noticed. Lately, your friends have spent a lot of time telling you how obvious it looks—shiny eyes paired with a never-ending smile. They have also suggested it’s mutual, which you hope because all you've wanted to do before your family's Christmas party is to confess, but who knows, maybe you’ve all been watching too many movies.

DECEMBER 22, 2023

“Are you sure you didn’t do anything to make him mad?” Alicia, your best friend, asks. She came in to leave some decorations for the party on Sunday, but one life update lent to another and of course, the Mick situation came up.

“It doesn't even seem like he’s mad at me,” You say because it’s true, you’ve known Mick long enough to know how he acts when mad,  “he’s just ignoring me.”

She sighs. “Then why don’t you ask him what’s wrong?” 

You’ve asked yourself that a couple of times, but the answer is still not clear, usually is as easy as walking down the street to his house but this time the thought overwhelms you. “Because I'm scared?” You answer, out of breath. “I don't know. I’m focusing on the party, especially because Mom doesn’t come back until tomorrow evening.”

“Honestly, my suggestion is for you to ask him before the party.” 

You sigh, knowing she’s right. The Christmas party is a tradition your families started eleven years ago, after Alicia, Gina, Esteban, Mick, and you decided to become inseparable at one of Mick’s birthday parties. This year it will be hosted at your family home, and with your mom away in Germany for a work conference, you’ve had your friends come around and help. They’ve all shown up but Mick. What the hell is his problem?

“I know Ali but,” Your phone starts ringing, Mickey is displayed on your screen with a picture of Mick carrying Angie. Alicia rolls her eyes and encourages you to take it with her head. “Hello?” 

“Hi. I'm panicking a bit,” he says, the background noise lets you know he's in his car. 

“Why?” You ask, forgetting you were having a crisis on this. “Is everything okay?”

He sighs. “It’s embarrassing, but I have no idea what to get your mom,” he says, and you laugh. Last year, you were having this exact crisis about Corinna.

You hum, thinking, “She wanted new pedals for her bike. Loved some she saw in Bike World; you’ll have to drive a bit, but I’ll send you the pic.” You put your phone away, change the call to speaker, and open messages, sending the picture your mom sent you a month ago. “There you go.”

“You are a lifesaver.”

You smile, letting out a laugh. “I know, idiot.”

“Bye, love you,” he says. Your calls always end like this; it’s a habit, so you mutter Love you back and hang up.

Alicia is staring at you, a grin on her red lips. “I hate both of you,” and she laughs, grabbing her keys and purse, about to leave. You’re somehow dumbfounded. 

“What?”

“Bye, love you. Love you,” she mimics, and you feel heat rise up your cheeks. “You guys really need to talk; I’m done dealing with him too.”

“What? Ali, it’s a ha-”

“I’m coming back at six”

“Alicia!”

“Just ask him!” She closes de door before you can even ask her to come back.

DECEMBER 24, 2023

Needless to say, you didn’t talk with Mick on the 23rd. Too busy dealing with the party and, as Esteban said, too busy avoiding the topic. 

Now it’s 7 p.m., warm lights tint the house while friends and family sway along the music in the background. Mick has been around since ten in the morning, bringing presents, a couple of ingredients that your mom was missing, and decorations, which he then helped put together. Now he’s just in full black attire, wine in hand, singing along to the song playing. Once again, you're too busy in your world to notice him approaching you.

“You always know which songs to play,” he says. Because he knows it’s your playlist reproducing. You know that’s one of his favorite songs.

“I try my best. But I also know it’s one of your favorites,” you answer, and he hums. There’s a void between you, one that hasn't been there before. It's not the tension when you fight or the longing when you're upset; it's not the excitement of seeing each other after months of traveling or the mischief when you prank your friends. It’s different—something that has been building itself for months—and you are too oblivious to understand what it is.

“You look beautiful,” Mick says, not looking at you but at his drink. He’s looked at you enough tonight, he thinks. You look up, suddenly feeling an outrageous urge to kiss him. Try and see if that’s the answer to all your questions.

He’s faster though, clears his throat, and says, “I’m going for more cookies.”

And he leaves. Your eyes stay on his back as he takes one cookie from the snack table. See him hum to the taste. You smile, bittersweet, What is going on, Mick? You want to shout at him, tell him in a million different ways how confusing all of this is, but that’s a talk for tomorrow; you’ve decided, you can't escape it any longer then.

"Shatz,” Someone calls and then says your name.

“Hm, yes, mom?” You ask, and it’s time to eat.

[ 10 minutes later ]

You are in the middle of dinner, or gossiping time, as Gina calls it, when Aunt Adelaide starts asking each one of you—the single, young members of the family and friends—about relationships. It’s not your favorite part, but a lot of fun commentary comes out of it.

Hearing your name, you know it's your turn. “Do you have anyone special yet? Maybe a secret boyfriend you don't want to tell us about?"

You laugh, “No, no. But I hope someone comes along this year.” First, you have to get over Mick, you think, and laugh a bit more.

“I have a neighbor I could introduce you to, dear. He’s a lovely young man.” She always has someone to present you to; it’s surprising. You try to go on dates with them, but they never end up working.

“I’ll think about it.” You say this as the loud sound of silver hitting the floor calls everyone’s attention.

Mick abruptly stands up. “I’m sorry,” he says as he picks up his fallen fork. He looks uncomfortable, like he’s had enough of the food, the music, or the topic. “Excuse me, I’m going for another one.”

The table has fallen silent. Aunt Adelaide is looking at you in amusement, a playful grin on her face. Someone nudges your shoulder, and you know it’s Alicia. Her eyes stand on a strange middle ground between confused and knowing, tilting her head in encouragement, like she always does. You also stand up, not so abruptly, but now everyone looks at you expectantly. “I’m going. Excuse me.”

You follow Mick to the kitchen; thankfully, it's far enough from the dining room that no one will bother.

“Mick?” You call once you’re there. His head is on his hands, and he is murmuring inaudible words to himself. "Mick, what is going on?"

He looks up, his hair messy. He’s overthinking, and you don't know what to do. You feel lost looking at him, far away from his thoughts and feelings. “What do you mean? Everything is alright.”

“You don’t look alright,” you say, shaking your head. “You’ve been acting strange.”

“No, I haven't. We’re alright,” he lies once again, picking on his thumbs.

You sigh, knowing this is when you talk about it—no script, no thinking, just questions and hope for answers. Whatever is budging him has his anxiety running in full force. “No, you’re not, and we're not; I have no idea what just happened, and you're acting as if you barely know me."

He takes a deep breath, runs his fingers through his hair, and looks at you with his deep blue eyes. You see questions being asked but don’t understand how to answer them. “It’s nothing; I'm just. It’s hard to explain; you won't understand.”

“I will try to understand then, like I always do.” You promise, taking two steps forward, close enough to reach out and hold him, "Just please talk to me."

“I don’t want to mess things up between us,” he says, sounding afraid. It reminds you of the time sixteen-year-old Mick broke your favorite perfume by accident. He didn’t want to tell you, too afraid you would stop talking to him. You really hope he didn’t break anything, material or not.

“You won't. I will be here for you.”

“I just want,” he stops himself once again. His eyes never leave yours, so you open yours a bit, waiting, listening to whatever he has to say, and it seems to work because he just says, “You."

“What?” You blank, not knowing what to say or do, not knowing if you understood correctly or if it’s the movie's effect once again. You see the exact moment in which he panics.

“No, fuck. I’m sorry, I.” He looks everywhere but your eyes, searching for an exit. Your first instinct is to grab his hand, keeping him where he is.

“I could,” you say slowly, looking at your now-intertwined hands. “I could be misunderstanding all of this, but, Mick,” you say, looking at him. He’s looking back, hope in his gorgeous sky blue eyes. “I like you, but no, not even. Mick, I’m so in love with you it hurts. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while, but then you disappeared. You didn’t want to see me; you were acting different, and I got so worried, but I think...”

“That we are both idiots,” he says, a small smirk growing on his lips.

“Yes, yes, we are.”

He smiles and brings his free hand to your cheek, says your name like it’s meant for him to say forever. “I’m in love with you too, so much. I got so scared when I realized that I didn't just like you, that I couldn’t hide it anymore. And then our friends started saying how obvious I was being.”

“Same here,” you say, laughing. He moves his hand, pulling you in for a warm hug. It feels different than any other you’ve shared; the last two pieces of a puzzle you’ve been building together, finally finding their place. It’s a breath of fresh air. Mick’s hands are all around you, softly caressing your back, his head buried in your neck, leaving a small peck before distancing himself enough so he can see your face. You want to ask if it's appropriate to kiss him now.

But he's the first to talk. “Quick question."

“Shoot."

“Do I need a mistletoe to kiss you?” He asks, and you laugh loudly. Shake your head in embarrassment. Oh, how you love this man.

“As much as I enjoy the tradition, all you, Mick Schumacher, have to do is ask,” and now it's his turn to laugh, brings you closer while doing so.

“Can I please kiss you?"

You pretend to think about it and decide to tease him a little bit: “Is that what you asked for Christmas?"

“It’s the exact thing I asked Santa Claus for."

“Then merry Christmas, Mick.”

taglist — @smartstupyd @ziarah . . . add yourself here

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part three

authors note: hi! its me again. i had some free time and most of this chapter was completed, sans gaps and editing, so i figured why not?

thank you everyone for all of the kind words, like im still so floored just how many people like the random shit that comes from my head!!!

also, some tags don't seem to work for some reason, like when i type it, the hyperlink doesn't appear so super sorry to those impacted by that!!!

warnings: angsttttt, language, suggestive content

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

word count: 4.2k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wonderingfashion

You were sixteen years old the first time you drank alcohol. Truly, a result of peer pressure. Alcohol never seemed as amazing as your friends tried to preach it to be, not with the amount of hair you’d held back while your friends retched their entire days consumption in toilet bowls. 

Just didn’t seem all that appealing.

And then it was homecoming, and your school won the game, qualifying them for state. The whole town was in celebration, but no one was as lit as the football team. And, of course, dating the quarterback at the time and as cheer captain, your presence was damn near a requirement. High school politics and all.

So, you, Amir, and your closest friends spent the night house hopping, partying at one place for a little while before moving on to the next. And at some point, at some stop, you’d been convinced to try a beer. Honestly, it was disgusting as fuck, but a small part of you didn’t want to be the one prude of your group, so you downed it. And then another. Followed by another. Which preceded one more. 

And by the end of the night, you truly were white girl wasted.

You thank God that you had good friends at the time who made sure you made it home safely, because you absolutely did black out. Amir did too, hence him not being the one responsible for your care.

When you woke up that morning, the first thing you did was dart to the bathroom where you emptied your guts. The second? Panic. You were terrified of your mother finding out that not only had you engaged in underage drinking, literally violating the damn law, but you’d gotten so wasted that you blacked out. It was incredibly stupid and highly dangerous. Your chest tightened and stomach coiled at how she would react if and when she realized what you’d done.

That was the most scared and nervous you’ve ever been in your entire life.

Well, up until now.

Because all you can focus, think, and obsess about is the fact that Joe will be in your state, in your town, in your damn apartment in a matter of hours. He’d text you in the middle of the night a screenshot of his flight information indicating an arrival time much earlier than you were hoping for. 

Dread swept over as you sent him a message asking if he would stay at the same hotel he usually used when visiting, not that it got much use. He typically stayed with you during his visits. But, you offered to meet him there instead, feeling more comfortable if you were out of this setting, not in your apartment that had some type of reminder of Callie in damn near every room.

It took longer than you liked for him to respond, and his answer only served to increase your anxiety and trigger some anger.

No. I’m coming to you.

That was it, no explanation to your follow up texts which you know he read cause bastard had his read receipts on. Just radio silence.

That pissed you off even more, because why the hell was he ignoring you? Wasn’t he about to come talk to you about something anyway?

Oh.

Your stomach tightens. Not knowing what the hell he wants is driving you insane. You know why you reached out to him, but why did he seem so keen on speaking to you? It’d been nearly five years, what could have happened to trigger this sudden desire to reconnect?

And why the hell did he respond so quickly to your initial message? Truthfully, you expected no response whatever, convinced that he’d probably changed numbers after his massive increase in fame. Or, for him to at least hit you with the ‘who is this’? But, he didn’t, he called you and immediately knew who you were.

A tiny gasp leaves your mouth. That must have meant he still had your number saved, the same way you still have his in your contact list.

You….you don’t know what to make of that, don’t know what to make of it at all.

“Mommy, why am I spending the night with Aunt Mariah?”

Callie’s soft voice temporarily eases you from your panic, granted it also makes you aware of how she’s clearly unhappy about this. You know why too. Sundays are always your ‘special days,’ where you spend the entire day together doing the most random of things from baking, to playing game, to random dance parties that sometimes result in neighbors politely asking you to keep the noise down. It’s a tradition, and this is the first time since starting said tradition that it won’t be happening. 

Closing up her drawer where you were just digging for some pajamas for her, you move to sit next to her on her bed. Her head is down as she plays with the stuffed animal in her arms. “I’m sorry, baby. I know this is our day, but mommy just has some business she has to take care of.”

She keeps her head down, voice low. “Can’t you do it tomorrow?

Fuck. You hate disappointing her. “I wish, baby, but it can’t wait.” More like he won’t wait. You’re not sure what you would have proposed regarding a time to discuss, well, Callie, but it certainly wouldn’t have been the next damn day. “Hey, how about this? Why don’t you and I stay home tomorrow and have a special special day on Monday?”

At that, her head lifts, eyes sparkling with renewed excitement. “Really?”

“Yup. Mommy can take some time off, and you can miss a day of school. It won’t kill us.” You rarely ever take time off as it is, mostly because a teacher’s salary isn’t anything to write home about. You have to work your ass off to keep a roof over your and Callie’s head. But also….you’re not even sure what frame of mind you’re going to be in following this meeting with Joe, so better safe than sorry. “But only if we can watch The Lion King first.”

Clearly pleased with this compromise, she offers you her pink finger. “Deal!”

You two seal the deal with a pinky swear as you hold her into your side and sigh heavily. You wish that you two could stay like this forever. “I love you, Callie. Okay? Always remember that.”

________

“He’s what?”

You anxiously chew on the nasty ass protein bar Mariah offered you after you realized you’d barely had anything to eat today. It was a part of the latest dietary plan she was following, probably something she found from one of those weird ass dieting groups she was a member of on Facebook.

You loved Mariah, dearly, but as you two grew older, especially after having her baby boy, Micah, she’d become increasingly insecure about her body. Always the smaller, thinner, more athletic of the two, you knew that she struggled with how much weight she’d put on over the years, especially when her plan to drop the baby weight didn’t pan out. You're not sure she’s lost any of it, to be honest. 

It wasn’t even a massive weight gain, and truthfully, you thought curves suited her well. But, it didn’t matter what you thought. What mattered was how she felt, which wasn’t the best, despite your best efforts to build up her confidence.

“He’s coming into town,” you finally answer, debating if you should offer her the rest of this grass in bar form. Why the hell is it so damn grainy?

“Today? He’s coming into town today?” You nod. “I’m sorry, I must have missed a couple chapters.”

“More like volumes,” you murmurs, sourly. It’s a great opportunity for you to set aside the dirt bar and explain to her everything she’d missed, from Callie’s initial inquiry to your calling him, to him sending you an itinerary for a flight arriving in roughly three hours at this point.

“Holy shit,” she whispers, careful of her volume despite Micah and Callie being occupied in the living room watching Bluey. “What are you going to do? What are you going to say to him? This is….this is bad, girl.”

“You think I don’t know that?” You lay your head against her kitchen island and force yourself to take three, big, deep breaths. “I don’t think I can do this.” 

You hear her exhale. “Don’t say that.”

“I’m serious, Mo. I—” You lift your head and try your best not to cry. Tears won’t do anything to help the situation. “I don’t know what he wants, but it’s obvious he’s angry with me already, and I can’t imagine when I tell him about Callie that he’s gonna feel any better.”

“You think he’ll be upset?”

“Of course, he will.”

“No, not that. I mean, yeah definitely, about that. But, I mean, you know….that you kept her.” It takes a minute for you to process what she’s asking, and it’s a question you hadn’t thought about in some time.

You’d been so consumed about how upset he would probably be that you kept Callie hidden from him that you hadn’t considered the alternative. What if he was more upset she even existed in the first place?

The thought alone takes you to a dark place. Feelings of rejection and abandonment that you yourself experienced and probably haven’t fully processed. Feelings you swore with your life you’d always protect Callie from. 

And always will.

“Then he’ll continue to not be a part of her life.” Your voice is sound and resolute. Mariah also recognizes that all too familiar look of determination that fills your face. 

“But what will you tell her then?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll figure it out.” A motto, a mantra, an oath. You’ve hit hard times before and always pulled through. This will be no different. Whatever's needed to keep your daughter from the trauma you experienced, you’ll do. No matter what.

Mariah knows better than to try to reason with you right now, not that there’s a ton of that needed. As a mother herself, she fully understands the intrinsic desire and borderline need to protect your child. She just also knows that you can be stubborn, and when you put your mind to something, nothing and no one can change it.

She just wonders how that’s going to bode over with whatever is about to go down.

You finish off the conversation with thanking her again for her last minute availability. You know you could have asked your mom as well, but she would have had questions, questions you don’t have the answers for nor the desire to explain just what’s happening.

Hell, you don’t even fully know what’s happening. 

As the time gets closer, you realize you need to get home and straighten up. Maybe vacuum or some shit. 

“Will you call me before I go to bed?”

“Of course, I will, mama.” You push back some of her hair, hating to see her sad again. She’s wearing that pout that you just realized is similar to Joe when he scowls. Shoving that from your head, you add, “and don’t forget about our big day tomorrow.”

That seems to win you a small smile, enough to make you feel less shitty about ditching her, even if it’s completely beyond your control. “It’s gonna be so much fun!”

“You bet your butt it is, kiddo!” You bring her in for another hug, holding her close and tight. “I love you, Callie Bear.”

“I love you too, mama.” 

Callie expressing her love for you is the soundtrack in your head as you drive home and even as you move around your apartment, dusting and vacuuming. You even clean the baseboard, something you’re sure you haven’t done since you first moved in when you were 22. 

You even make the controversial decision to leave up the photos of Callie or both you and Callie together in the living room and don’t really do much to move aside the indicators that a child lives here. Like her toy bucket near the TV or pink kiddy cups lined up near the kitchen sink. 

It doesn’t make much sense to you to hide these things when the sole reason you even reached out is to make him aware of why those things are there and who they belong to. You’ve stopped letting yourself try to figure out why he wants to speak to you or why he’s upset, realizing it was only making your anxiety ten times worse to the point where you felt like you were going to vomit.

Recognizing you have some time before he arrives, you decide to take a shower that’s much longer than necessary and will probably have you upset at yourself when you get your next water bill. 

But, it’s a nice distraction. Being fresh, clean, and moisturized is always a nice pick me up. Granted, you find it almost silly as you struggle to figure out what to wear. It’s Joe. Not Beyonce. Also, your outfit should be the last thing on your mind, as you eventually settle on a graphic shirt and some shorts. 

And realizing you have nothing else to do, you plop down on the sofa and wait. Wait for whatever the hell is about to happen once you open that door. Strangely enough, your anxiety seems to be settling. Granted, you wonder if that’s being replaced with denial, because you’re also starting to tell yourself that it won’t be that bad.

It may not be, but that’s not a good hill to die on. Preferred but not reliable. 

Needing another distraction, you scroll aimlessly through your Instagram, liking a few posts of friends, family, and former classmates from both high school and college. It’s interesting seeing how everyone ventured down different paths, some homemakers, some business execs, and of course the aspiring musicians aka unemployed. 

And then there was you, the small town teacher raising her secret love child of a WWE superstar in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. 

Your stomach twisting and turning tells you the anxiety is returning, but it doesn’t have as much time to heighten because the doorbell rings.

He’s here.

There’s this irritating yet quiet ringing in your ears and anchor on your chest, both of which make it harder to untangle your limbs and move off the sofa. It’s like watching yourself slowly make your way to the door, the tremble in your hand noticeable as you undo the lock and start to turn the knob. 

I love you too, mama.

Callie’s sweet, reassuring voice floods into your head providing the sweet relief needed to return from dissociation and snap back to reality. Eyes shutting, you take another deep breath and carefully swing the door open.

Truth be told, you weren’t quite sure what you expected to feel upon seeing Joe again, not sure what you should feel. This was a reunion, but only in name. Nothing about him being at your doorstep was warm and inviting. That much is obvious by his stoic, unreadable facial expression, which isn’t entirely out of character. Contrary and both similar to his current heel portrayal, Joe has always been more on the quiet side, not as easy to read. More open and warm once you get to know him.

You’d found that out firsthand.

Taking in his countenance, you can’t avoid observing the rest of him. He’s somehow even bigger than the last time you saw him in person, almost taking up your doorway, rippling muscles on full display in the plain, black fitted shirt he wears. His hair is pulled back as usual, clean line up, and beard fuller than you remembered him liking it. He’s aged, obviously, but well. Very well.

Heat rising to your cheeks, you step to the side, allowing him inside. You hate how you close your eyes as you inhale his scent.

He always did smell so damn good.

The physical distractions dissipate when he’s inside, the door locked, and it’s just the two of you. 

You notice almost immediately how he seems to be intent on keeping his back toward you, playing it off by taking in your apartment. Not that much, if anything, has changed. He can’t be that damn interested. 

It was painfully clear that Joe was already frustrated with you just by his texts, but his anger is even more palpable in person, borderline suffocating. 

Just what the hell did you do to upset him so much?

Clearing your throat and crossing your arms over, you decide that someone needs to say something because this silent shit is not working for you.

But then Joe angles his body, still not looking toward you but something else. And that’s when your anxiety starts up all over again.

You watch him, intently, as he walks over to the side table near the sofa, the one that has pictures on it. 

Pictures of Callie. 

He picks one up, and you’ve never been so still in your life. It’s torture, not seeing how he’s looking, unable to read his facials, clueless to what he must be thinking. He’s quiet for too long, so you decide to bite the bullet and say something. 

“I—”

“Is she mine?”

Waves. Heavy, plunging waves of emotions splash at you with a ferocity that nearly floors you. His question, so simple, isn’t what you expected to leave his mouth. It’s posed so quietly, lowly, emotion evident but not enough for you to know which one. Anger? Sadness? Confusion?

It stumps you, and for a second, you try to convince yourself that he doesn’t mean what you deep down know what he means. 

“What–what are you talking about?”

He curses quietly, and you hear him say your name before he asks again in a dangerously calm voice, “is she mine?”

You recognize this tone, the tone he takes when he’s trying his best to tame his temper, but there’s no guarantee that he can. And that in and of itself is not a good sign, Joe rarely ever gets mad. He’s irritatingly adept at maintaining his composure in all situations. 

Except this one.

You just want to take a nap, take a break from all of this. Everything seems to be happening so fast, too fast. It wasn’t even 24 hours ago that Callie first asked about her father, and now the man is standing in front of you asking you to confirm she is his daughter. You’re so confused about everything. How could he tell so easily? You always said and thought she favored him, but did she favor him enough for him to take one look at her and know she’s his daughter?

That doesn’t even seem possible nor plausible. 

You have so many questions, but there’s no need in delaying the inevitable.

Rip the Band-Aid off.

“Yes.” 

It’s at that moment he finally decides to turn around, and you can see the moment it happens, the moment the floodgate of emotions rush through him like a tsunami. He’s shocked. He’s confused. He’s angry.

“How did you find out?” Putting the pieces together is a slow progress, but one that’s progressing nonetheless. He clearly came here with that question prepared and ready to launch. He knew about Callie, knew when you texted him, knew when he decided to call. Knew before he even walked in and saw a picture of her.

He just needed you to confirm as such. 

That seems to be the wrong question, because anger is suddenly more prominent, both vocally and physically. “You’re seriously asking me how the fuck I found out I have a daughter?” Any attempt to control his anger is out the door, replaced with visceral emotions. “No, the real question is why the fuck you didn’t tell me I have a child?”

You’re not sure what it is, the emotionality of it all, the fact that you’re face to face with the man you’ve worked so hard over the years to get over, or even just the fact that he’s speaking to you this way. Maybe all of it. Regardless, you’re not about to just take it lying down. “First of all, watch your tone. You’re not going to talk to me any kind of way. Second of all, you are married, Joe. What was I supposed to do? Send you and your wife copies of the sonogram?”

“Don't put this on that,” he dismisses, swiftly and curtly. “Jadah has nothing to do with you telling me I'm a father. Don't you think I had a fucking right to know?”

“Of course you had a right.” He did. He does. You won’t deny him that, but it’s also not as cut and dry as he’s making it out to be. “But—”

“There’s no but, Y/N!” He cuts you off, and you have to take another deep breath. This time though, it’s not to lessen anxiety. It’s to calm your own anger that’s rising. Who the hell does he think he is to speak to you this way? Like you’re some damn child. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Are you going to actually listen to me, or are you just going to keep yelling? Cause I don’t respond to disrespect, Joe. You know this.”

He actually smiles, smiles at your words. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? I’m disrespecting you? You keep my child from me, and I’m disrespecting you?” He scoffs and looks up at the ceiling, probably to settle himself. “Did you know when you ended things between us?"

The surprising questions just keep on rolling. “What?”

“I swear to God.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes closed. “Did you know you were pregnant when you told me to leave? Is that why you did it? So I wouldn’t find out?”

This time, you’re the one scoffing, trying to rationalize how he could even think to ask you this. “Seriously, Joe? I told you why I ended things.”

“Yeah, well, you’re clearly not the most honest fucking person, so I don’t even know what to believe anymore.” 

You hate the fact that his words don’t further anger you but instead sadden you. You see how he’s looking at you, with a level of disdain and disgust. It’s such an unfamiliar experience, an unwanted one. “So, I’m a liar now?” It should have come out much stronger, firmer, showing him that you’re not putting up with his bullshit. Instead, it’s a damn near whisper.

He looks at you like you’ve grown two heads, like he doesn’t get what you’re not getting about this. “What do you call what you did?”

Your head is starting to hurt. This is going exactly how you feared it would go. 

Bad.

It’s all becoming too much, your voice weighed down with the emotions of it all. You feel like you’re on the verge of tears, and you hate that. You won’t let him see you cry. “We’re not….we’re not getting anywhere here, Joe. I think—”

“You should get a lawyer.”

Your heart stops. “What?”

He runs both hands over his face, the heaviness of this conversation clearly weighing on him as well. “We need to figure out some type of custody arrangement, and I don’t think us handling it with each other is a good idea—”

“Custody?” The room is starting to blur again, items moving wayward and sideways. The ringing in your ears is also returning. “What—you—you want to take her from me?” You need to sit down, your legs feeling like they’re ready to give out at any moment. Take her. He wants to take her from you. Unable to control yourself, you snap, “she doesn’t even know you!”

He matches your tone and volume precisely, clearly unwilling to back down. “Exactly, I’m her father, and she doesn’t know me because of you!”

You can barely believe the words coming out his mouth, incapable of processing that he’s actually standing here threatening to take your child from you. This has gone from bad to worse in a matter of seconds. “So, you think taking her away from me is the way to get to know her?”

His volume levels down a bit, and you could have sworn you saw a glimpse of sympathy. “I don’t want to take her away from you, Y/N. I just can’t trust you to not keep her away from me.”

This is disastrous. You never could you have envisioned this conversation playing out the way it is. Desperate, you move over to him, needing him to see you, to hear you, really hear you. “You’re here now, aren’t you? Isn’t that enough?” 

His answer surprises you with its austerity. He’s so angry. “No, because it took almost five fucking years for you to call me in the first damn place.”

He moves away from you, obviously headed for the door. He has nothing else to say. Your head is throbbing, vision still murky, but you manage to rush past him, obstructing his leave. “Joe….wait.”

You’ve never felt so small, so desperate, so helpless in your life. It’s reminiscent of the last conversation you had with him five years prior, that same boulder on your chest, bigger now. Much bigger. 

“Please.” You’re not even trying to hold in the tears anymore. That’s not even important. Not in the slightest. This is your child.  “Please don’t take her away from me. She’s my baby, Joe. She—she’s never even been without me before.”

He looks at you, and you can see it now. Finally see it. Finally see past all of the hurtful threats, the dismissiveness, the refusal to hear you out. He’s not angry. He’s hurt. “And she’s never been with me.” He moves past you, but not before one last statement. “Maybe now you’ll know how I feel.”

________

just curious, ya'll think joe trippin? personally, i'm team callie cause both reader and joe are wrong in one way or another but im also biased so ignore me.

[winterspellsfrozenkit]

Oh God

Their are other ways is out

I was really hoping Jay wouldn’t go the route he did but he did :(

I love the music behind the part where Odysseus turns Searcy down but on the other hand… He completely completely erased the part where Odysseus was straight up SA’d

I… Jay I love you, BUT WHYYYY

So I listened to ""There Are Other Ways" and I have three theories to WHY Jay changed it to Odysseus breaking down and turning down Circe. 1. The year long timeskip was difficult to explain, 2. Sexual coercion/abuse is NEVER a comfy subject and he might've been worried about not handling it well, and 3. It helps ensure people understand Odysseus LOVES Penelope. Let's me explain:

Reason 1. The year long time skip is difficult to explain: In the Odyssey, we don't know what happened while Odysseus and his men stayed on Circe's island for a year, just that they were resting and recovering, but the men have to remind Odysseus about going home which makes me think something happened to make Odysseus either forget or become wary to leave, which is odd because Penelope and Telemachus are his big drive, so not wanting to leave immediately is out of character for him OR the men weren't going to move until they were ready and he was waiting for them.

Reason 2. Sexual coercion and abuse are really difficult to handle: When Hazbin Hotel snippets got leaked, everyone flipped out on Vivziepop for part of the Poison song that got leaked. Keep in mind that Vivziepop was a victim of abuse and parts of Angel's story with Valentino was pulled from her past with her toxic ex. Even so, people flipped out on her on social media for the leak, saying she was making light or not showing how awful sexual abuse is, but when Poison came out in full, people saw it really was showing the ugliness and horror of the situation. Circe's situation is more coercive and coercive situations are awful in their own right because they give the illusion of choice to the point people will blame the victim because "Well, why did they say yes? They could've said no." because people don't see or recognize the coercion. As a result, Jay might've been wary about handling the situation poorly or how fans would react. It does show the insidious nature of coercion, having Odysseus is agreeing there's no puppet, but he has to say that to get his men back and by having him breakdown and say "I can't!", it shows how much this is actually hurting him. Epic doesn't have accompanying visuals in the way Poison does, so showing how much being pushed to sleep with Circe had harmed Odysseus is really difficult with just dialogue alone.

Reason 3. It helps ensure people understand Odysseus LOVES Penelope. If you go around Tumblr, you'll see SO MANY PEOPLE BLAME ODYSSEUS FOR CIRCE AND CALYPSO. They claim Penelope deserves better than Odysseus, ignoring the sexual coercion and rape that happened to him. They shame him and say he claimed to love his wife, but slept with two other women the first chance he got. By choosing to have Odysseus breakdown at the idea of being pushed to sleep with Circe, it attacks that idea that Odysseus would choose to cheat on Penelope. It shows the true heart of Odysseus: the man who went to woo Helen of Troy, but decided her cousin, Penelope, was who he wanted to marry; the man who risked becoming an oath-breaker to stay with his wife and infant son when he was called to war; the man who didn't stay with Circe and refused immortality and staying with Calypso to go home to his mortal wife.

Adaptations are difficult. I wouldn't say it was a complete erasure, because it leads up to it, but just has Odysseus breakdown before anything happened. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about it, because Odysseus was a victim and that shouldn't be forgotten, but I do think the song drove home that emotional impact this situation had on Odysseus in that this situation was harmful to Odysseus and that he wouldn't choose to cheat which is important. I'm a writer, not a song writer, but a writer and the idea of tackling the complex emotions of that situation and all the effects it has on a victim in one song is daunting. It's why a lot of people choose to avoid depicting situations of coercion and abuse. There's so many complex emotions tied up in situations like this and how do you accurately depict that in one song that has no visuals and is only dialogue? How do you explain the emotional pain and feelings of helplessness a victim is going through? What emotion is going to be the main one coming from the victim? Grief? Guilt? Rage? Fear? Which is more important: the event itself happening or the emotional impact?

Jay might've not gone fully into the event, but he did show the emotional impact and how much this situation hurt Odysseus with him breaking down and begging Circe to grant him and his men mercy. He showed Odysseus struggling with what he had to do to save his men. Comparing to most adaptations, this one actually does show some of the emotional pain Odysseus must've had in the situation, rather than painting it as Odysseus romancing Circe or cheating on Penelope. It's not perfect, but it gives Odysseus more understanding in the situation than most adaptations do, so I'm relieved and grateful for that.

[e-vay]

Evay QA Bulk Post 4

Here's another roundup of questions! I'm sorry if you don't see your question answered here. I tried answering as many as I could handle. Thank you all for reaching out :)

PERSONAL ASKS

Anon asked: I don’t know if this is too personal or not, but if you feel comfortable sharing, what prompted you to make a return after not posting at all for about 3 years?

A: That's okay, I don't mind you asking. To be honest, I just suffered from art block for a very long time. I couldn't get myself to draw no matter how hard I tried. I would sit myself down and try to force myself to do it, but I just couldn't. I don't know why it went away and I don't know why it came back, but suddenly my spark came back with a vengeance! I'm back to wanting to draw all the time! I think that's both the wonderful and awful thing about creativity: you can't force it. It sucks, but hopefully I can serve as proof to others who are going through it that you can spring back from it.

Anon asked: Hi E-vay! I couldn't help but notice a few Coraline references in some of your art work, are you a fan of the film too? By the way, Sonamy 4 eva!!

A: Yes I LOVE Coraline! I never read the book but I love the movie. It fills my spooky little heart and soul!

sonicalover1345 asked: Hey, quick question have you watched Hazbin Hotel Prime video? If you have what is or are your favorite characters?

A: I haven't yet! Honestly when the pilot first came out years ago, I didn't care for it. (I love Helluva Boss, did not care for Hazbin Hotel). But I've heard a million people recommending the series and I've heard the songs because of Tiktok and a lot of the songs sound great, so I have been meaning to check it out.

Anon asked: What is your favourite Tim burton movie? 🖤

A: I want to say Nightmare Before Christmas, but to be completely honest it's probably Mars Attacks! It's so campy and funny and it has that retro horror sci-fi film feel to it, and the cast rocks. It checks all the boxes for me. I even have a Mars Attacks! print hung up at my office at work:

wind-upbaby14 asked: Just curious but what happened to that hell hath series you made and why did you stop?

A: I went through a severe art block and hadn't drawn anything for a long time, even though I had the whole script for it written out. However since getting my mojo back, I've completely re-written the story and am working on it again. You'll see more of HHNF soon and I'm certain you'll like it better than it was meant to be originally!

Anon asked: I’m unsure if you’ve been asked this before, feel free to ignore if so but would you ever consider opening a Patreon? Y’know for earlier access and possibly spicy art🤔?

A: I did have a Patreon once upon a time, but it gave me severe imposter syndrome lol It put too much pressure on me to put out content that I thought was worthy enough for people to be paying for, so I ultimately closed it down. It doesn't mean I won't ever open it up again, but I don't have any immediate plans to do that. Also regarding the spice haha 😅 I appreciate your interest, but I just don't like to share that kind of content.

milangakokoros asked: I know you like sailor moon, I remember that you published a drawing that you did in 2007 somewhere, of Aurora sailor moon version. What other animes do you like? have you seen saint seiya? (it's my current hyperfixation)

A: I don't watch much anime anymore, but I used to be obsessed with Naruto. That's primarily what I would draw back in my dA days, but I lost interest in it a long time ago. I also loved Fruits Basket, Kill La Kill, One Punch Man and Attack on Titan. There are other shows I've watched, but those were the major series. I haven't seen the series you mentioned, sorry!

milangakokoros asked: Have you thought about making more games like the one you made on Halloween?

A: Absolutely! I don't know what the next game will be, but I definitely want to make more!

prophecyhyper asked: Do you post any of your drawings on any other sites?

A: I sometimes post my art on my Instagram and I sometimes post timelapses of my drawings on Tiktok, but I mostly post here on Tumblr!

aviles2003 asked: I've been meaning to ask you this about adaptations, what is your only favorite Video Game Movie you wanna see, already watched, and excited to see? (Sonic the Hedgehog Movies, The Super Mario Bros Movie, Detective Pikachu, Or Five Nights at Freddy's?)

A: So far my favorite game-movie adaptation is the Super Mario Bros movie! I love it so much! I love that they kept the style of the game but made it a little more polished than what you'd get in the games. I loved the characters, I loved all the references within it, I loved the music. I just think it's a perfect adaptation. Of course I'm super excited for Sonic 3! I'm sure it's going to be great, I'm just praying that Amy will be in it! I need her in it :( I'd love to see a movie adaptation of Dead Space. That's one of my favorite games and ooh I think it'd make such a good horror film. I know they made animated movies for it, but I want it done in a proper hollywood horror way!

edwinflores428 asked: E-vay, since you're also a Beatles enjoyer, did you hear the new Beatles song 'Now and Then'?

A: I didn't know about this until you mentioned this in my inbox. Wow that was emotional! I can't believe they were able to make a song out of an old unreleased recording and really get to finally get closure for their band in a way. Just incredible!

Anon asked: hey, i logged in after a long time and i was just happy to see you’re still posting. i’ve been following since the deviantart days and i just wanted to say how much i enjoy your art. it has always brought me a lot of joy :)

A: This isn't an ask, but I wanted to include it just so I could tell those of you who send these kinds of messages to my inbox: Thank you ❤️ I don't know if you all realize how much it means to me to have your support. Whether you're new to my work or whether you've followed me since my deviantART days, it absolutely makes my day when I receive these kind of wonderful, positive messages. My only wish is that you didn't feel you needed to write me anonymously so I could thank you personally! But I'll respect your privacy ❤️ From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

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MISC SONIC ASKS

Anon asked: I was wondering what your favourite brotherly head cannon would be between Sonic and Tails? :3

A: Even though Sonic's older and technically raised Tails, I love the idea of them sort of "raising each other." Sonic teaches Tails how to defend himself, how to navigate the world, how to do the right thing, but Tails is the one who teaches Sonic how to read and write, introduces him to philosophical discussions that Sonic finds really boring but actually helps him to be a better hero and be a better version of himself. I even like the idea of Tails being the one to teach Sonic how to play music. Sonic has a natural talent for it, but Tails is the one to teach him notes and chords, how to actually read sheet music, things like that.

umbrathehedgehog asked: Hey, I noticed that one piece about Sonic Prime. It's very nice! What did you like or not like about the show? Been seeing a lot of differing opinions on it and I'm really curious about what you thought!

A: Thanks so much! As a whole I'd say it was okay. It certainly wasn't the best Sonic media out there in my opinion but no way was it the worst. I understand it's a kid's show, but it was way too formulaic for me. It got to the point where I could pretty much bet "in 2 minutes Character A is going to seem like all is lost, then a loud explosion/sudden shake will happen, and they'll look up like 'whuAHHH???' and Character B will show up to help." That's fine, but not when it's happening multiple times every single episode. So to be honest, it wasn't a show that I looked forward to watching like I did with Sonic Boom. It was just something I had on because it was Sonic-related. But Sonic Prime had a lot of good character writing and the acting was great. They explored character relationships/dynamics and emotions that some other Sonic content hasn't done before, so I applaud them for that. It's mirroring what happened in Sonic Frontiers and I love that the franchise is willing to dig a little deeper on an emotional level like that. And I've said it before but I'll say it a million times more: Shadow was PERFECT! The positive of having Shadow portrayed so excellently far outweighed any negatives I could say for the show!

chrismantike asked: What’re your thoughts on longclaw (the owl from the sonic movie) does she exist in your AU as Sonic’s mom?

A: Well we didn't get to see very much of her, but I loved her design! She was very majestic and beautiful and kind. None of the characters or storyline from the live action movies are part of my AU.

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MY OCs/AU ASKS

Anon asked: So when’s did aurora learn that she could turn invisible? And did she use it to pull a prank on her parents making them think she disappeared

A: Aurora discovers her light abilities when she's young (think about preteen age), but she doesn't fully know what all she can do yet. It takes a lot of experimenting and studying with Uncle Tails to figure out everything she can do. He is the one who tells her that if she can bend light, she should be able to use it to cloak herself. Tails and Sonic obviously mean she should use it as a defensive move, but Aurora instantly thinks it's the perfect power for pranks! Picture a lot of objects "floating" around the house with a lot of phony "OooooOOoooOOOO" ghost noises haha

Anon asked: Is aurora a comic book fan? If so what’s her favorite series

A: Aurora can enjoy super hero related stuff, but she's not an avid fan of it and I would say she does not read comics. Aurora is more into fantasy/romance books. Ruff is the one who is into comic books :) His favorite would be Batman.

Anon asked: I love your idea of Aurora and Sage being close friends, I really think that fits! That being said, do you think Sage and CC would get along?

and gale-gentlepenguin asked: I’m curious on how Sage would interact with Aurora and CC? I know it would probably be seperate universes but it would be fun to see how Eggman’s daughter reacts to Sonics daughter and a sentient AI of equal intellect

A: Thank you! I've been thinking about it and I like the idea of Sage and CC being rivals, but in a very cheeky, friendly way. Sort of like Sonic and Knuckles. Sage and CC would make everything into a competition to see who can solve this problem fastest or who can simulate something best, to determine who is truly the more intelligent of the two AIs. But again, not in a toxic way. In a "I have to be the best version of myself in order to beat you because the respect I have for you is insanely high" kind of way. And Sage could playfully tease CC for wanting to become organic because it'd be a "step backwards" in her evolution, but really she'd work to find a way to help make CC's dream come true.

antooogamer asked: Hello, I already know why Diamond is white and Boon's color is for Aurora, but now I have a question about Cinder, why is he Orange? :^

A: Orange is in the same color family as red and pink, so I think it still works. As far as color theory, in my AU Aurora has a grandma who is yellow and Shadow's fur includes red, so by blending those colors you can get orange. It's the same reason why Nova is purple, it's a blend of colors from their lineage. I tried Cinder out in several different colors but orange is ultimately what fit him best.

animefan299110 asked: After seeing your artwork of Sage and Aurora interacting, I got to ask: Do they hang out a lot or is Sage like a cousin/big sister who visits all the time?

A: They're more like best friends than sisters/cousins. I know people draw Sage growing older and stuff but I personally headcanon that she'd stay in the form of a child because she feels no need to grow up. But once she's friends with Aurora, then I could see her "aging" up alongside Aurora so that she always matches her friend. It's just a headcanon of mine for now and that could ultimately change in the future.

Anon asked: Has Aurora ever been to space before if so what were her thoughts. Was she like markiplier with the whole space is so cool song.

A: Aurora DESPERATELY wants to go to space more than anything! But for most of her life she hardly ever left her home. It isn't until she's grown up that she actually starts to properly explore the world. Eventually I want her to go to space, but it would be once she's living on her own.

skywriter97 asked: So I saw this one fanart comic (that I can't remember the name of) forever ago and in it Shadow had his emblem tattooed on his arm and it made me wonder (since you the best Sonic fan artist hands down no contest) does Sonamy/Shadora (or any of your characters kn your Au) have any tats or piercings anywhere? If so, what and where? (If the fur doesn't get in the way for them lol) (Votes go to Shadow being a tatted and pierced edgelord cuz that would be so 🔥🔥🔥👌👌👌😍🤩😍🤩🤩😍🥵🥵🤤🤤🤌🤌🤌)

A: You are just so sweet, thank you! You know I'm very pro tats and I love seeing what people think the different Sonic characters would get. For my AU, I only have two (technically three) characters depicted with tattoos. Amy's dad Clay Rose has two tattoos on his bicep: A heart with his wife's name in it, and then a matching little heart with Amy's name in it. Adult Knuckles has a simple "M.E." tattooed on his bicep. It's a reference to Knuckles' theme and also his dedication to the Master Emerald. Lastly, I have the human version of Cinder (but only the human version) with forearm sleeves that continue down his hands. So far those are the only characters I have with tattoos. As far as piercings, most of my characters have ear piercings but they don't often wear earrings. Blitz and Lulu are the only characters who always wears earrings. I could see Shadow getting at least an ear pierced, but I headcanon that with his rapid healing that it would almost instantly close if he didn't actively wear a piercing at the time.

Anon asked: I totally hope that Piper will have a girlfriend! Do you see her more with a girl or a boy?

A: I currently see PIper as demiromantic. She is currently not interested in anyone romantically or physically, and I don't want to diminish that part of her identity by saying 'Oh but she'll eventually end up with __." Of course, a headcanon is whatever you want so if you personally ship her with a woman that's cool with me!

Anon asked: Hey evay, i was looking at this old info of Amy, and It says that she wans't always at home, did Aurora had any issue with that? Did some part of her childhood she could say that she had mother issues? (Sorry if you can't understand, my english it's terrible 💀)

A: Your English is excellent! I wouldn't go so far as to say Aurora had mother issues. Amy wasn't completely absent from Aurora's youth, she was just working a lot so she wasn't constantly at home the way Sonic was. It would have made things a little awkward/emotional at times because that naturally made Aurora favor Sonic a little more when she was younger, but that also made the times she did have with Amy all the more special. Aurora never thought to herself "My mom has abandoned me because she's never home," it was more of a "Work is stupid and being grown up is stupid because it means Mom can't stay home and play with me all day." Aurora and Amy grow a lot closer as Aurora gets older and better understands the meaning of responsibilities and commitment.

Anon asked: Hi hi! I'm kinda new in the Sonic fandom and I've seen lots of your comics and content so far (That are great!) The shadora refs of their kids are just so *chef kiss*, when I looked at it, I told myself: "Damn, I wanna make ref sheets this great for my characters too!" I love the fact that you called them an horde! xD And the angst with Shadow's immortality must be amazing! Uh I'm getting out of the subject ^^'' I wanted to ask you if you planned or did anything with Silver? I don't think I saw anything from you with him And another question, if no one asked this before, are any of Shadora's kiddos immortal too? Or maybe they're "half immortal"? Like, they live longer than everyone else but still has a shorter lifespan than their dad I love your work! Keep going! ^^ And have a wonderful day :D

A: Wow, that's so kind of you to say! Thank you so much! I hope you do make ref sheets for your characters :) I haven't planned anything with Silver for my AU yet. To be honest, I don't know his character very well and I try my best to always keep the original characters in-character, so that's why I haven't done anything with him yet. But I recently purchased the volumes of IDW comics and I'm hoping to understand him better and then I will be more confident writing him! Secondly, none of the Shadora horde are immortal. They have stronger immune systems so they can heal faster and are less likely to get sick than the average Mobian, but they are still mortal and still age at a normal rate. Thank you for the questions and compliments!

Anon asked: I love the Shadora babies sm !! My question is..What excactly happend in the fight between Diamond and Cinder? Love your art btw&lt;3

A: Thank you so much! I need to make a comic about it. When they were young they were all exploring the different zones and Cinder was really struggling with some of the obstacles so he was already getting quite aggravated. Diamond noticed this and offered to help because some problems are better solved as a team, and Cinder immediately gets pissed and tells her to buzz off. She gets upset that he snaps at her, and there's some escalation between the two and finally Cinder blows up at her (literally). He immediately regrets it as he did not mean to hurt her, but the damage is already done.

degux asked: What would happen if Metal Sonic ( somehow :v ) met CC ?

A: Hmm. Well, even though Metal Sonic is based on Sonic, I love stories that involve him having an identity crisis and ultimately deciding that he's not just going to be a clone. He's his own entity, right? They're alike, but they're not the same. I don't know where he'd be on that self journey by the time he meets CC, but she'd definitely see him as his own person, not as a Sonic copy. But likely he'd still be an antagonist, so they'd end up having to battle lol

milangakokoros asked: does team chaotix exist in the Aurora universe? and have they interacted with the Rose family?

A: They definitely exist in my AU, but I haven't completely decided what their roles are yet. I can see Vector becoming Cream's stepdad (I'm not passionate about the VanillaXVector ship but I know it's practically canon), and then that leads me down a rabbit hole (pun intended) of how does that affect the dynamics of Team Chaotix? I have some rough ideas but I need to spend more time on it.

Anon asked: Have you thought about introducing Vector or Team chaotix in your sonamy and Aurora comics? :0 I picture him being "Uncle Stanley Pines" from Aurora and the Hyena Boys.

A: I had to add this question immediately after because your idea of Grunkle Stan made me laugh out loud! Oh my gosh I love that!

Anon asked: hola, tengo una pregunta. Hace mucho que no veia tu contenido y veo que estas de vuelta me alegro! :) Mi pregunta es aurora no tenia un hermano? Si no mal recuerdo creo que tenia uno y de ser asi el caso, el también tendria sus propias aventuras? Lo poco que recuerdo de el es que estaba en un dibujo tuyo de navidad con toda la familia sonamy junta y otro donde aurora lo abraza. Me gustaría saber que fue de el

A: ¡Gracias! The character you're referring to was an OC made by my friend Nana, a Sonamy fankid named Spazz. I sometimes drew him interacting with Aurora because my friend Nana and I just liked to draw our characters interacting, but Spazz is not a part of my AU. Nana is no longer on tumblr so that's why there aren't any Spazz art/comics anymore.

Anon asked: Does Sonic’s Uncle Chuck exist in your AU?

A: No I don't include the Archie comics or characters at all

⚠‼️THIS QUESTION MIGHT BE TRIGGERING. SKIP IF YOU NEED TO. TW: INFERTILITY ‼️⚠ Anon asked: Hi e-vay! I’ve recently re-read your ‘Boom Baby’ comic & was wonderin’ - especially with all their attempts - did Sonic or Amy, either one, stuggle with infertility? If so, did they ever have any doubts of that “I’m pregnant” moment ever happening?

A: Infertility is a very real issue that many people (including those very close in my life) deal with. Although I do think it's very important for people to be able to see their experiences reflected in the media they consume to help them remember that they aren't alone in their experience, this is not something I wanted Sonic and Amy to have to deal with for Boom!Baby. The chapter where Sonic references making multiple attempts during a certain window of time was not meant to imply that they were struggling with infertility. It was instead supposed to show that now that they've both decided they want a child, Amy doesn't want to take any chances to make sure it happens lol. TMI - Even without fertility issues, getting pregnant is not always guaranteed so it can take a lot of planning and timing (and frankly, luck) to be successful. Super TMI - I headcanon that Sonic and Amy are already intimate A LOT so now that they're trying for a baby it's above and beyond and that's why Sonic is tired in that chapter lol

fireghost234 asked: Hi this is my first time asking you!!!, does sonic in your AU still have his swordfighting skills from black knight?

A: Thank you for the question! Personally I don't think he'd retain those skills after that experience, so no that's not a trait he has in my AU anyway.

madysonisbae19 asked: Okay so I’m listing to the Encanto soundtrack and when Surface Pressure came on tell me why I instantly thought of Diamond singing this song when she is down about being physically the strongest out of her family.

A: That song (and character) is so her! Thank you for pointing that out to me, I'm going to associate that with her now 🥰

Anon asked: Did Aurora actually got bullied in school?

A: In my stories Mobians don't really go to "school," but yes she was bullied by a group of other kids when she was little. I have a script for a comic for this, I just haven't drawn it yet.

Anon asked: I think I'm pretty sure you based post-Boom to make your comics, but do you think Prime to becanon to your comic continuity too?

A: My AU is a fluid situation haha It adapts as more Sonic content comes out and I get to pick what I want to include. That's what makes AUs fun! Hmmm, ultimately I'm going to say no, I don't think Prime is canon to my stories.

Anon asked: Hi e-vay! Just wanted to ask, will we ever see what happened with Sonic and Amy's wedding in your AU? We've seen Amy's pregnancy with Aurora and their first date, so it seems like another natural relationship landmark to make a shenanigans-filled story out of! Also, keeping on the Sonamy wedding topic, what's their guestlist look like? Are there any surprises in who's getting an invite and who isn't?

A: I definitely have a sonamy wedding comic in the works :) It's going to be multi-chaptered. I would love to answer your other questions but I don't want to spoil the surprise! 😜

SHIPPING ASKS

Anon asked: Not to sound weird or anything, but does Sonic have a go to move that seduces Amy? 💙🩷

A: He simply ✨exists✨

Anon asked: Does Sonic ever dream about Amy?

A: I mean, I think so 😉

Anon asked: Hi e-vay! I had a question for you that I've been wanting to know about. If you read Harry Potter or watch the movies, don't you think that Harry and Ginny's relationship is similar to Sonic and Amy? I know this is kind of random, but it's like Harry is the hero, and Ginny was always in love with him, but their relationship slowly developed throughout the books, especially the 6th book. And that's how Sonic and Amy have been throughout the years

A: Hello! I have seen the movies and I read some of the books, but I don't know the series all that well. Actually, I don't remember Ginny being in the movies much at all, so I was a little confused when she and Harry ended up together. Maybe there was more to it in the books that I just never read. So if I'm going solely based on the movies I've seen, I can't say that I see the correlation. But that's not to say you're wrong in thinking that :)

aurorathehedge6 asked: What's your favorite Sonamy art that you made?

A: Definitely My Gal, specifically the last couple of chapters. I put my whole heart into that story and I'm pretty proud of it.

essycogany asked: Hi! First, I want to say that I LOVE your work! You’re so talented and I couldn’t appreciate your stuff enough. How are you feeling about the new Sonamy material from this and last year? Things are really starting to become more obvious as the years go on. Hope you’re doing well. 💖

A: Thank you so much! I hope you're doing well too :) UGH!!! 😩💙💖💙💖💙💖 We have been fed SO WELL lately! I can't believe it, what a time to be alive! I'm still sure they won't ever make it canon, but I love the sweet little snippets we get and just how much Sonic and Amy's relationship has evolved over the years to be so much closer. And I giggle like a little maniac every time they're on screen together or they're side by side in marketing. It makes my heart SING!

Anon asked: Are you still a fan of of the OT3 hedgies (Sonamyshad) and are still a fan of shadamy? Will we see any dribbles about them. Your art is so pretty 😍🤩 I just wanna see more 🤣😅 sorry if that embarrassing!

A: That's not embarrassing, that's crazy kind of you to say! Thank you! Yes I do still adore those ships and need to draw them more. It just seems every time I go to draw something my hand gets possessed by the ✨spirit of sonamy✨😂 I promise I'll draw the others at some point!

Anon asked: Are there any ships that you just… don’t get? Not dislike or hate or anything, just one that you fully don’t understand the appeal for…? Cause Metal Sonic and Amy is a ship that kinda baffles me. Like most Amy ships have some appeal. Sonic is obvious, you’re Ms. Sonamy after all. But Shads, Silver, Blaze, and even Surge have fun dynamics, and Metal doesn’t really strike me as a character that is able to be shipped effectively… Thoughts?

A: There definitely are ships that I don't understand. But if I don't understand or don't like a ship (or fan theories, or whatever), I'd rather just not talk about them. I used to indulge in that style of arguing discussion when I was a kid but I don't do that kind of stuff anymore. If I don't get something I just say "That's not for me" and move along. I do support the MetAmy ship myself but it's not at the top of my ship list (lol). I like it because Metal Sonic is based on Sonic, and if they're meant to be similar and I believe that Sonic does care about Amy, then that logic would tell me that Metal cares about Amy, too. And even though Metal is a villain, Amy does care about his well being (just like she cares about everyone's well being). Metal Sonic is also one of the main reasons Amy and Sonic met in the first place, so I think she holds a special place in her heart for him, even if it's not 100% romantic. That's my reasoning, but I don't want or expect you to change your opinion.

Anon asked: Will tails and CC ever get married?

A: Whoa now, I've never even drawn them on an official date yet ;)

Anon asked: What tv shows would sonic and amy watch together?

A: I think a lot of feel-good comedies like Brooklyn 99, Bob's Burgers, Modern Family and Schitt's Creek.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora*

Anon asked: What would Shadow and Aurora’s fave show be?

A: They don't have similar tastes in shows, but I could see them both enjoying Only Murders in the Building and cut throat competition cooking shows like Hell's Kitchen.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

gray3754 asked: How old would Amy and Sonic be when Aurora started to date shadow

A: I don't really do exact ages, but Sonic and Amy have Aurora roughly when they're in their mid-to-late 20s. So they would be in their mid-to-late 40s when Aurora and Shadow first meet.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

aurorathehedge6 asked: What's your favorite Shadora art that you made? Also have Sonic, Amy, Aurora, and Shadow ever been on a double date?

A: Hmm, I think my fav Shadora art is the comic where Shadow and Aurora discuss her "wings" (back quills). It started out as just a fluffy piece but I think it really set the tone for their relationship in my stories. As far as a double date -- I could see them trying a double date early on when Shadow first states his intention to date Aurora, but it doesn't go well. Years later when Sonic is more accepting of their relationship I could see them occasionally going out for lunch/dinner together instead of just their weekly family dinners at home.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

ticciticcicendy asked: I don't know if you do this question but has any of Aurora and shadows kids ever walked in on them?

A: Hahaha, Shadow is too savvy for that! He had the Shadora house built to essentially be a fortress, which also means the primary bedroom is practically a vault. Ain't nobody getting in there unexpectedly hahaha

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

lazypatrolpizzapersona asked: One question, is Aurora jealous when Shadow is with these girls?

A: I'm not sure what girls you are referring to? But Aurora is not a very jealous type.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

zero-aurion asked: Quick question, in terms of lap pillows, for Tails and CC and Shadow and Aurora, who rests their head on the others lap more?

A: CC doesn't need to rest, but Tails is so soft that she just loves to lay against him so she'd definitely use him for a lap pillow more. BONUS POINTS for using his tails as a shawl around her shoulders! Shadow is more likely to rest his head in Aurora's lap. The way she strokes his quills is very soothing and makes him feel content. She also has thick thighs so very, very comfy for lap pillows!

--

Thank you all for the questions!

Evay QA Bulk Post 1

Evay QA Bulk Post 2

Evay QA Bulk Post 3

[that-random-outsider]

Family line is so fucking Red coated istg

Credit for this entre thing is from @199DegreesOfGay on ao3 I completely agree with your statement so I'm breaking down the song.

This first line could honestly go two ways of course this line could obviously go for the Queen of Hearts but I like theorizing so I'll let you know when we get to a more speculatory party sound good? Okay, so yeah Bridget was obviously not a great mother in the original time line. She was likely extremely distant and cold, only ever fetching her when she needed to and even then it wouldn't be anything loving or caring, because "love ain't it" she'd probably treated Red with that mentality too. Never showing her any real affection or care unless it was out of anger or contempt. There's also one of her most iconic lines "I loose my temper you lose your head." The queen may be regal in this franchise but she's always been violent, and while we don't know if Red’s abuse was physical or emotiopnal (likely both honestly) I wouldn’t be surprised if she found other ways to blow off some steam

Okay now for the speculation we don't really get to see Red’s father, but I feel like people often tend to forget there was a King of Hearts at one point. Like I mentioned this before but I was watching a bunch of movies about Wonderland to understand Red better and in both iterations there was a King. Like I know there's a bunch of theories that Hook might be Red’s father but just for the sake of speculation. He was likely really weak from what I saw, and probably was a laughing stalk in the queen’s court if I'm being honest.

I'm not sure what his relationship with Red might have been like while he was around but he likely didn't stand up for her much in fear of the Queen of Hearts. He probably didn't say anything for the most part, but with silence comes resentment. I wouldn't be surprised if his anger slowly began to fester over the years after being looked down on for so long. And I also wouldn't be surprised if Bridget was once a witness to that anger and lost a temper of her own. In Alice in Wonderland 2010 the queen of hearts is implied to have chopped off the head of her king, and while the two queens are so vastly different in personality I honestly would not be surprised if that was one of their few similarities. But like I said this part is mostly all speculation.

Ignoring the part about the kids this is basically Bridget’s story in a nut shell. She took so much without so much as sheding a tear. Uliana and her gang ruined her life in so many ways so many times. She lost everything to them with a smile on her face, and even after that she never let herself crumble. When she was a kid she refused to let anyone see past her smile, and when she became the Queen of Hearts she swore off showing any signs of weakness. But no matter what stage of her life she was in I'm convinced not even Ella truly saw her tears.

I say they're just the ones who gave me life But I truly am my parents' child

THIS PART!!! This is what in my opinion RoR was really about after everything. It's about Red trying so hard to prove she's nothing like her mother, while only ever being allowed to see herself through the lens her mother forced upon her. Red wants so badly to believe that she could be good, that she is somehow worth saving but in her mind if she can't even see it herself how could anyone else?

She's in the constant limbo of trying to be her own person while also having given up on believing that she could ever be more than the queen of hearts daughter. You can see it in the way she belittles herself so casually in the movie. When she tells Maddox that she’s a lost cause, or how she doesn't argue when Chloe says she's just like her mother. It's her worst fear and only destiny, like she's just waiting for the moment she cracks just like her mother had. It's why she needed to believe that becoming the queen of hearts wasn't the only future for Bridget and herself.

Bro just this as a whole I feel like encapsulates Red’s relationship to the Queen before her and Chloe rewrote history. Like I touched on this in my night falls fanfic but I mean Bridget like canonically threatens Red throughout the movie. I feel like I remember it happening twice but don't quote me on that. I mean she never said anything specific but I doubt that when your mother say "get it right or I'll show you punishment" she'll let you off with a slap on the wrist, and I can't help but wonder how many times Red had forced herself to say whatever her mother wanted to hear to get out of said punishments. Or even worse, what she's forced herself to do to pacify her on angrier days.

Honestly aside from occasional snark we don't even see Red openly oppose her mother in the movie except for when she stages the coup or when she says "I don't want to be anything like you" but even then she was really cautious with her words and her timing when she said that. Hell her entire song about being a rebel, and not following her mother's command was sung in a mask and hood as she hid in the shadows, because yes while she really loves to rebel and she really does believe that what her mother is doing is wrong she truly is afraid of her mother.

To put it simply she'll always be the daughter of the queen of hearts, no matter how much of the time line gets destroyed she still watched that blood spill, and I can't imagine how much that hunts her most nights. (or could I? This is giving me ideas for angst but moving on)

It's hard to put it into words How the holidays will always hurt I watch the fathers with their little girls And wonder what I did to deserve this

I imagine that after the timeline is changed Red and Bridget start spending the holidays with the Charmings and I cand only imagine how much it probably hurt the first year because she could have had this. Watching Chloe and her family be so loving and sweet, seeing them care. Red never had that, she never got to wear cheesy matching sweaters, or watch corny movies with her parents, she never got to ignore her mom when she warned her the hot cocoa might be to hot to drink, or stay up late waiting for Santa to come. Except apparently she had because the life she remembered wasn't hers at all anymore and she hated it. Why didn't she get this timeline from the beginning? Why didn't she get this mom? Why didn't she get this life? Didn't she deserve it too?

How could you hurt a little kid? I can't forget, I can't forgive you 'Cause now I'm scared that everyone I love will leave me

Everything, every trauma she went though was real, the scars may have vanished from her skin but never from her heart. I can't imagine her ever seeing Bridget the way she is now completely as her mother, or at the very least not for a long time.

This woman even if it wasn't her technically, she hurt Red. And even now I feel she wouldn't be able to trust that she doesn't still has the compacity do so. She'll never truly be able to trust Bridget not in the way most daughter would at least. And I don't think those sixteen years will ever truly just go away. She's still slowly unlearning everything the Queen of Hearts taught her about love with Chloe's help and most likely keeps up walls around Bridget. She honestly probably terrifies her

Oh, all that I did to try to undo it All of my pain and all your excuses I was a kid but I wasn't clueless (Someone who loves you wouldn't do this)

When Red first meets Bridget I honestly can imagine her feeling betrayed. "Everything I do is for you" that's what the Red Queen said before she staged a coup and destroyed the one chance Red had at getting what she wanted more than anything. Her freedom. And she'd say that all the time too, "I just want the best for you" "this is for your own good" "you'll thank me when you're older" we're leaning into speculation territory a bit here but just bare with me. I couldn't help but notice this trend whenever I was watching Qoh scenes she truly believes that everything she does is to protect Red, to prepare her for how the world will beat her down by beating her down first. Or better yet teaching her to take over before it could even get the chance to.

In her mind it all about survival but with Bridget as her mom Red realizes just how much she was missing. She realized it was okay to care for someone you love. That it didn't make her weak and that her old mom never needed to be so cruel All of my past, I tried to erase it But now I see, would I even change it? Might share a face and share a last name, but (We are not the same)

Okay long one but pretty self explanatory right? More than anything Red wanted her mom to love her for who she is. Not as "the future queen of hearts" but as "Red" her daughter the one she was supposed to love unconditionally, the one who she was supposed to care for, and support without question. She used to dream of a mother like Bridget since she was a kid, but now that she has one she's realized that nothing's changed.

She's still terrified that she'll never be good enough for anyone.(especially Chloe) The coppery smell of blood still hunts the castle with it's stench. She still flinches any fear when her mother tries to give her a hug. Her mother might be different but her memories stayed the same. It was as if nothing changed at all. Even so, one good thing did come out of it. Because If they could change Bridget's fate, maybe there's a chance she could escape her own

[moonfromearth]

On Repeat - an oc tag by @elderwisp

"rules are pretty simple, pick as many (or as little) oc's as you'd like and find a song that you relate to them the most! feel free to mention why too! o and tag some more ppl too! that would be cool!"

I may have gone a little overboard 😅 To be honest this tag came around at just the right time! I'd just gotten a new song association and have been working on schoolwork so much that I really needed to do something creative 😆

Originally these were all going to be in similar editing styles (more like Corey's) but somewhere along the way that stopped because I had different ideas that I really wanted to do. Also I cheated a little and a few got more than one song... 🤫

I'm really proud with all of these in the end, and if you want to read more about the stories behind them you can check below the cut! ❤️

I know I'm pretty late to the party now buuut I'll tag: @igglemouse @swiftviolets @stargazer-sims @auspexsims and @seniorpollinationtechnician. Feel free to ignore though if you've already done it/don't want to! 😁

[deep dive under cut!]

COREY ALTMAN

"Holiday" - Green Day:

This song being here is random song association at its finest. The trail pretty much goes "Holiday" by Green Day > Surf's Up > Beach Vibes > Sulani > Globetrotter Challenge > Corey Song. If that makes sense... 😂 Pretty much, you can blame the Sulani round of the Globetrotter Challenge for it, plus the fact that I feel like it's the type of song/genre Corey would use in his own music.

"Catch Me If You Can" - Set It Off:

Now, it would be a crime to talk about songs and Corey without a song by Set It Off. Corey was created when I was listening to their songs a lot, and it definitely rubbed off on him. From his aesthetic to the songs I imagine him playing, a lot of it came from Set It Off. Even his name was derived from the band's lead singer (although changed from Cody to Corey because that's the route my mind took with it idk). So, this song in particular specifically reminds me of Corey for... Honestly probably obvious reasons 😆 "Catch Me If You Can" was pretty much the theme of his Globetrotter Challenge, where he was constantly moving on the run from the law. A line I really like though for him is the part that says, "I only feel at home when I'm on the run," because I feel like that leads into the deeper aspects of Corey. He really isn't at home anywhere, he's always on the move, even when he's not evading capture anymore. There's a certain non-permanence to everything he does. Something funny about the image itself is that it originally wasn't going to be edited to look like the back cover of a CD. When I took the picture of Corey with the guitar I kind of thought "this looks like the back cover of a CD" and when editing I just needed a way to fill the space at the bottom and it turned into a CD back cover edit 🤣 It actually kind of fits though since both of these songs are the sound I associate with Corey's own music so it worked out in the end.

LIZZY ALTMAN

"Unopened Windows" - Set It Off:

So this one is the context behind this post lol. It's been like two years since I started working on this plotline I have to finish it eventually 😆 Anyway, Lizzy's been teased in many tag games so far, but without a name or much information (note: and this name's not final I'm not sure yet). Here you can probably guess based on the song choice how her story goes 😅 Going back to the epilogue of the Globetrotter Challenge, we see that something is going on, and it leads to Lizzy and her dad being separated. So, the entire song lyrically I really felt spoke to them and their situation (more in a future gameplay 😉). Bonus points for it being a Set It Off song, who I associate with Corey, and thought music could have been something that they bonded over and enjoyed together. I have a few things to say about the image itself because it was a struggle but I looooove how it turned out! It turned out essentially how I imagined it with Lizzy playing guitar in the foreground with a sort of memory of her time with her dad in the background. I probably had about five or six different poses that I put in the background because I couldn't decide which one I liked the best 😆 This was the last image I had to work on out of the four, and I was having trouble with how I wanted the song title to look. While I was browsing for overlays and stuff I came across a lot of cutout style poems and ended up adding in some of the lyrics because I thought it would help explain the concept behind the image. In the end this one is one of my favorites which is unbelievable considering how much I thought it was not going to turn out like I imagined 🥰

*UNNAMED*

(Sorry I don't have a name for her yet and don't want to commit to a temporary one 😭)

"Little Chaos" - Orla Gartland:

In a wonderfully serendipitous coincidence, this was the song association I was very into when getting tagged, and was already planning what became this edit! I rarely have song associations for sims/sims stories (despite how many ended up coming together here) so that's why I'll never get over how well timed this all was (thanks again elderwisp!!) On to the song, it has to do with my upcoming gameplay story centered around the For Rent game pack, and starring the pictured sim (who doesn't have a name yet sorry! 😅). She's going through a bit of a tough time where she's very lost and I thought the lines, "And it's a good day for a meltdown. All my thoughts getting too loud," fit really where she's at, especially at the start. Plus, the vibes are perfect. The image itself was inspired by the song's MV and one part in particular, but it looks a lot different now (I was limited by the poses I could find because I refuse to sit down and learn to make my own yet). I liked this idea of the torn pages framing the image, especially because it plays into the plot, which sees the main character do a lot of journaling throughout the story. So, the lined paper had to do with that, and it doubled as being good for making the letters stand out, which I wanted to be big and misaligned to be more "chaotic," though I think that could have been done more/better. Aaaaand the background is a picture of Tomarang, where the story takes place. To be honest this will probably be the cover image once I finalize a name and get started on playing it 😉

GHOST COWBOY

(no he also doesn't have a name yet same as above 😆)

"Ferryman" - Schafer James and Will Wood:

I've actually been having a lot of fun with this character since initially creating him back before the Horse Ranch pack came out (more on him coming out in a few days for the outlaw challenge 😉). So this song.... The entire concept of our ghost cowboy is that he, being somewhat half dead and half alive, winds up being a good source of convincing "unwilling souls" to cross over, and works with the character Death to do so in exchange for finding out why he's not entirely dead. I'll explain it better another time, but I also really love this song and just thought that the concept of the ferryman and the ghost cowboy as ferriers of the dead.

"Toss A Coin To Your Witcher (Epic Version)" - Samuel Kim and Black Gryph0n:

Liiiiisten... My family made me watch three seasons of The Witcher I had to get something out of it 😆 I joke a lot that this character gives off Geralt vibes but honestly they are definitely super similar just based on their overall aesthetic and horse companions. I wanted to be special though and chose this epic cover instead of the original... Just for fun 😁 There were some cool piano covers too that almost made the cut. This is probably a good place to talk about the actual image (yay!). I hope the visibility on it isn't too bad because it ended up waaaay more cluttered than I originally intended, plus the mist effect definitely makes it harder to see the characters. I made his (also unnamed) horse a little more transparent to try and give off this ghostly see through effect so I hope that comes through. The font isn't the kind of "wild west wanted sign" font that I wanted, but I think it's close enough lol.

Credits:

Image by rawpixel.com on Freepik

[sageistri]

it may sound harsh but honestly it feels like a lot of people around here just don’t know jimin very well. a lot of people love jimin visually and the sultry androgynous image that has been associated with him for years and just ignore all of the other traits he has in favor of that brand. jimin is someone who has ALWAYS had a strong emotional connection to the group, its members, their music and fans. he’s always had a preference for happy concepts and has stated that concepts like lie (and lc by extension) have a negative impact on his mood and anyone who knows jimin knows that’s true bc he immerses himself in the performance. jimin has given signs left and right to the kind of art and concepts he gravitates towards and so many people just ignore that bc it does not fit with who they want him to be. all of the most hated bts releases like ptd and ytc jimin loves. so why did people expect him to suddenly become an entirely different person during his solo career? i get that those might not be everyone’s cup of tea but what is the point in stanning someone if you don’t like anything they do except their appearance? the difference between then and now is that right now it is undeniable what message he’s sending and there’s nothing these people can distract themselves with to ignore it.

personally, i feel like most of the hypernegative reactions ive seen this era are a result of people actually realizing what jimin truly values and the fact that he does not fit into the tiny aesthetic box that they want him to. so many people are overreacting to the content this era bc they resent jimin for not being who they want him to be.

atp i think a good chunk of people need to realize they’re simply not interested in what jimin wants to put out and keep it movin bc sticking around just to shittalk and doompost about the creative decisions he makes is not doing ANYONE any favors, most certainly not jimin.

(for the record, this post does not refer to people who have normal negative feedback and can engage in normal discussion about content)

You're right. I think the concept could play a huge role in people's enjoyment of the songs but I am also one of those people who didn't like it and one thing I've always hammered on is that I don't care about concepts. What I care about is how the music sounds to me sonically. Butter, dynamite and ptd are all on the same spectrum but I hate dynamite and I like ptd and Butter. So with me it's really all about how it sounds to me. We're not going to like everything. So yes it could be all that but It could also simply just be a case of people not liking the songs alone.

But one problem with new age kpop as a whole is that they have this thing where they all agree a song is good simply because it's "sexy". But anything happy and bubbly is considered horrible now. And yes like the typical kpop stan, some pjms do have this problem with jimin. And it can be seen with how they can't seem to let go of the tailor of chaos concept, and the obsession with wanting him to do something "conceptual". Again, I wish we wouldn't conflate people simply just not vibing with the songs to anything else.

Good for us all that he's in a better place mentally, but it's not going to make someone like something they don't like and I doubt jimin would expect that. And even then, I wish people could admit that they are not on the same page as him without doing all this. I mean telling them jimin is in a different frame of mind isn't going to make the song sound good to them, because there's nothing anyone can do about that, but what they can do is not act like the world is ending just because you Don't like one project.

It is sad that jimin is barely even two albums in and we're already having these conversations. And yes it is a sign that some of y'all do need to unstan.

[wavernot4love]

wanted 2 make a post about some positive things that happened at iDKHOW Buffalo last night, because there certainly was good in there, for everyone involved, and i want to highlight/talk about that stuff!

i make these posts a lot for shows, mostly for myself so i don't forget, but others seem 2 enjoy them too, and i don't think last night's show should be any exception.

- first of all, OPENING BAND in the crowd!!! something i have never heard of dallon doing for that one before, and all things considered, i fully see why he chose to do it here as it fit the clear vibe of just wanting to be close with and sort of revel in the connection with the crowd - and the ability of that to make everything better.

there were no flamboyant theatrics like with visitation, just all of us singing together (it was also just anthony playing onstage), and homie stayed out with us for a long time - most of the song. i was also right up there which was nice.

(i'm just gonna put a keep reading thingy here you can click so this doesn't clog tags/folks' dash due to being long)

was just super sentimental. dallon even brought the "gives me.... and ____ a purpose" thing back, mentioning/gesturing towards anthony, & also the thing where when we're all doing the last "band" he like, leans back and yells it with his hands around his mouth. just kinda got me & made me smile since he didn't do either of those things on saturday, and i always do them out of habit when singing the song because of past shows.

definitely the best moment of the night & the embodiment of everything i love about idkhow. he truly made the best out of everything.

i didn't film all of it, & also my camera angles are bad since i didn't want to shove my phone in dallon (or anyone's) face. this is the only video i really feel comfortable posting from last night since it just felt like everything was alright in that moment, 100%. not that i took many in the first place for that reason, but you get the idea.

- dallon strutting around with a pride flag from someone for half a song!! let me tell you, bro was showing that thing OFF. sadly i just had my film camera in hand in the moment so i just grabbed maybe five shots on that aka i don't have em yet, but i'll have em eventually, and it sure did happen, and it was great. did see a few posts in idkhow's tagged on instagram if ya wanna peep.

- back to what i said in regards to opening band about making a rough situation more positive, dallon brought up this exact point (even moreso than usual, including just on saturday in rochester) earlier in the show while talking about a letter - he went really in depth about turning negative stuff into something beautiful. and was talking about how when he wrote the song, he could only hear what we were doing now (you know the parts, in the chorus) in his head, and now he gets to actually experience it, and so he never stops playing this song even 20 years after he wrote it. i love dallon's love for a letter, man, and hope he never does stop.

- downside has truly become one of my favorite live songs. holy moly dude it had even the otherwise seemingly casual fans going wild, possibly even more than rochester actually. that is a song to freakin JUMP to if there ever was one!!!

- did mention this in my post from last night, but a while after the show (there were only maybe a dozen of us around at this point), on his way out to the bus, dallon kind of smiled & waved at us/said thank you, first to the larger group closer to the venue and then to the few of us a bit further down, too.

can't really word it right, but just the fact that despite seeming quite down, still, bro took care to make sure we all felt appreciated/not ignored was sweet. i think maybe he could tell we were concerned, i don't know, dude, all i do know is there's a lot of kindness in that dude's eyes.

had honestly never really interacted with dallon all these years prior to these shows (besides theatrical visitation crowd stuff), so i hadn't fully realized until these past few days - really given me a different perspective i hadn't fully caught onto before amidst the dramatic aspects of idkhow/dallon & their shows, i guess.

point is, dallon's a kind dude. be good to him. just wanted to say that.

- and finally, last night was my eighth (!) idkhow show, & what's crazy is i have never traveled more than an hour & a half for one all this time. i can't say that goes for any other band, and that fact doesn't go lost on me. western ny loves and shows up for idkhow, & idkhow loves and shows up for western ny always. <3

i just have so much love for all this, dude. i miss the shows already.

this project & dallon's music & the live shows have all been in my life for so long. both of these shows have been special in some way or another, last night being a reminder of how powerful everything idkhow has going is to the point of being able to make something good out of, well, whatever might be going on.

truly hope to catch another show back around here sometime soon. please get out 2 a gig if you can - chances are, like me and everyone i've encountered, really, at their shows, you'll never want to stop going, either, if you do. :p

[meraki-yao]

That question was super serious im trying to figure out what's going on, love that taylor got all that exposure but it was a bit surprising, Im from a super homophobic country (illegal/death penalty type homophobic) and china is probably more progressive from where i stand but by western standards its still a lot conservative. So it was odd that an actor who's only popular in certain groups for playing a queer character is getting hyped up there.

Heads up, I went on a rant lmao

I agree. And I was really freaking anxious the whole time he was there because of it.

Okay, for those who don't know, here's the thing about LGBT+ in China. And I'm only gonna talk about the sexuality aspect because the gender aspect is a whole other topic and a lot less progressive than the sexuality side (that being said trans lives matter)

The official stance promoted by the government, ergo the public, is condemning it. Thankfully not in an illegal/death penalty type, but more in a "if we ignore it and don't talk about it, it will go away" type.

There were a couple of years I think in the mid-2010s where significant progress was being made in terms of both representation (see shows like Guardian, the Untamed, Word of Honor) and pride organizations and support (see Shanghai Pride)

But starting in mid-2021 the government suddenly cracked down on queer representation. "Effeminate" men were publicly condemned and called "sissy" BY THE OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT NOTICE (I was fucking fuming when I read it). Dangai (BL, or simply, adapted from gay novels) shows were banned. Multiple LGBT+ organizations were shut down without explanation. And just this year, when a singer with a famous song about being an LGBT ally supporting the community held a concert in Beijing, anyone with anything remotely resembling a rainbow was banned from entry and had to hand in the rainbow object, even if it was their clothing. And those stuff were never returned. The older generation, such as my parents' generation, condemn it. It's not an optimistic sight.

But here's the fucking truth: queer people, have always existed, and always will. So actually, younger people, I'd say 30 years old and younger, the vast majority accept queerness. Gay couples are sharing their lives on Bilibili. Danmei (explicitly gay) radio dramas, novels, and comics are still being produced and consumed. There are so many people watching Western gay shows and movies such as RWRB as well as producing gay fan content. And honestly, part of it is due to the shipping culture here (which is a whole other topic I can write a dissertation on).

Either way, what I'm trying to say is regardless of whatever the "official stance" is, the demographic that's active on social media is accepting of it. Which is why RWRB could gain such popularity in China.

As per my last ask, I think the main reason for inviting Taylor is his willingness to try things the local way. A lot of times Chinese capitalists/executives don't really care where the star got their fame from, they just care that they are famous.

The difference with Taylor is that actors in China of a similar level of status locally to Taylor and who have been in queer productions don't talk about it after the promo period is over. If anything, gaining fame from being in a Dangai is kind of considered shameful. In fact, they actively avoid it. Taylor is of course, more than willing to talk about RWRB. In fact, during the videos, live streams and stuff, I was actively observing if RWRB would be brought up by the Chinese side/host. It wasn't. During the Little Red Book livestream, despite basically everyone in the live chat spamming RWRB comments, Taylor was the one who said "Oh I see talk about RWRB, what do you want to know?" And I understand that there are several potential reasons why RWRB wasn't brought up by the host, including time constraints, pre-set questions, pre-set agendas etc, but latent homophobia is also a potential reason.

Either way, yeah. I don't really know what the conclusion of this ramble is but here you go 😅

[goongiveusnothing]

I was sorta still a fan during the beginning of the last tour and so I was still watching some livestreams and looking at the hsdlot updates. Every day me and my mutuals would get excited to see what he would wear and what’d he’d say during his talking break lol. But as time went on he just kept wearing the same uggo outfits and saying the same shit about “edging” and the “choke her” line plus that ugly stomping dance etc etc the same repetitive things that he knew would get a rise out of the audience. Honestly I think every harrie felt how I felt at that point, nothing was new or exciting anymore and it started feeling pointless to keep watching clips from the shows. By the second year of the tour I honestly had no idea was going on at his concerts and didn’t even know he had new band members much less who they were. He always just finds something that gets the fans excited and does it over and over but what he doesn’t realize is the reason it gets them excited is because it’s a new crumb he feeds them after starving them for so long💀Once you do it too many times the novelty wears off. He’s not gonna be able to get by in this new era of fun and authenticity and he can’t backtrack either because he already made his bed. His peak is so over lol.

this is how i see his fans acting and talking.

notice that nobody even mentions pleasing anymore? i never even see normies on other sites reviewing the brand anymore, that's how far it's fallen. people still review kylie's brands and they're all flops. nobody even knows or cares harry's stuff exists, not even his own fans!

i think fans get caught into a hype cycle where they believe he's incredible, so funny, interesting, talented. they share all the same clips and stories hyping him up. so they want everything about him they can get. when the tour comes out they want all of it. they need all the updates, the livestreams, the stories, the outfits, the angles, the one liners. they want secret easter egg sentences they can decode. they want to see his girlfriends or not see them.

and that's why olivia also helped with his tour, because fans loved to hate watch her there. hating her there was part of their entertainment. reporting she wasn't there was part of the fun.

but when you actually pay attention to him... you realize he's fucking boring! he's not talented! the show does nothing! he's not creative! he gives zero energy! he repeats all the same old jokes! he's not really flirting with men! he's not secretly gay or trans! he does seem to really love israelis! he stays away from palestinians! he does the same old shit again and again! the outfits are all fucking boring! he wears one outfit per night. the same fucking songs over and over. his friend group are all the same scum of the earth people.

so fans start ignoring some livestreams or concerts or stories about him. then it's only a few times a week they check in. then casually. then they're making jokes about him too, pretending it's just fun. then he breaks up with a girl and they lose interest because the girlfriend was part of the interest and you can't even hate on her anymore. then he stops touring and does nothing. absolutely fucking nothing. and you just stop caring and move on entirely and look back at it and be honest with yourself that most of the time you were bored out of your mind, desperate for more, more real talent, presence, activism, engagement. and you don't even miss him anymore.

[crescentmoon-flower]

Rewatching winx season 4 for nostalgia and realizing how wierd some things are

Ep1

Why is this intro actually fire??!

Ah yes, now they're the teachers

I actually admire season 4 for allowing the protagonists to grow up

"it almost makes me miss the trix, even they were less agressive"

TECNA MY LOVE BE SASSY MORE OFTEN

Grizelda, How exactly were they supposed to know that the room has been changed?

Also, ROOM singular? Are the teachers grouped too? Why don't the girls get their own rooms?

...griselda don't encourage students to be like the winx,  you don't want more girls to put themselves in mortal danger

Are the keys to the hall of enchantment custom made for each teacher? What about no fairy teachers? Do they just not get access?

Why is this hall inside a school? Actually maybe the building became a school after

WHY ARE YOU IGNORING STELLAS QUESTION FARA?

Blooms picture is in the book of fairies, Why exactly?

"A level above enchantix" and here begins the contradiction

The animation here looks wierd?

Yes bloom just walk off mid speech

Why was the wizard's painting covered?

Wait.... were they trapped in the painting? This brought up way too many questions

Awwwww,

musa ruffling rivers hair

helia being a perfect jentleman

stella poking Brandon

Oh right He's king now. Ah plot consistency, may you rest in peace

Grizeda rocks that look though ngl

No previous planning? To shame bloom, to shame.

Yeah I honestly wouldn't be all that impressed with those tricks either

Actually good lesson here, good job techna and aisha

Why don't bloom and Stella know the damn course plan?

Why is clarice saying this infront of several people?

How don't the teachers notice clarice just walk off?

How didn't Alice feel the box being put in her bag???

I like the original enchantix song more

What is the physics of that morphics surfboard?

Also Why did she use/make it? Feels useless to me

Why detonate it on the punching bag flora's turn?

Why did they have no protection in the first place? There was open fire?

Jeez, obviously alfea and cloud tower have very different punishments, the trix got away with so much worse, 

...actually maybe that's why the repercussions are so harsh now

Rip alfea's barrier (season 1 episode 2)

Ogron's so pale,  like did they forget to colour in his face??

And here begins anagan x flora, with a single hello

Smh flora you naïve girl, did you learn nothing in these last three years?

Gantlos has anger issues confirmed, he's the stormy of the black circle

Why the flora abuse this episode??

How exactly does that magic work? Were the wizards invisible? Or did they teleport? And if they teleported how did they know to do it right then?

They know blooms name and not her face? Even more questions...

I like this version of duman's voice, it fits him (rai's wierd accent)

I'd actually like a musa- gantlos rivalry, being immune to each others sound based spells, sounds like a good plot point

"Well that was fun"

Ogron is a masochist confirmed

..Merlin? Did he exist in the magical universe?

EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROLE LITTLE MAN, GO BACK TO SLEEP XD  🤣

...Dodging is impossible? Get Stella a basic self preservation class please

Ogrons magic is actually an interesting concept, too bad they don't use it to its full potential

Hold up are their fingers black? Why?

...but what if they last earth fairy is in alfea? Why give up on it so quick?

But why did clarice admit it?

"It's an ancient story"

Time line go brrrrr

Did faragonda give the girls an ancient important book? Why???? They didn't need the whole thing

Ep2

...I'm not saying anything on faragonda's explanation mainly because of the utter confusion and amount of questions it brings up

Musas up for a fist fight

...maybe all of roxy's confusion would have been ended if she mentioned morgana's name,  the girls know she's the queen now

Again, Time line go brrrr

How does making humans belive in magic weaken the wizards? this was never actually explained? Like they still had power before humanity forgot fairies?

"Where are we even going?"

Why don't you start with,  oh I don't know... EARTH???

Drama King helia, love it

Word spread to the boy's that fast? Wow

Aaaawwwww rivusa, Riven picking up musa and lifting up her mood, even if he didn't think up of it himself

Riven king of common sense

Sky's entrance was actually adorable, and hilarious

The change of music really made my heart drop for a second

Why the secrecy though? Couldn't they just go with the winx ?

When did techna copy all the books without the others knowing?

A teacher is a teachers pet

Oh poor wizgiz

WHY SO MANY TREES

oh right the pixy plot, yeah I'm not comenting on it beyond it was stupid and pointless

What luck,  they just so happen to come across a randomly rare magic butterfly

"Light and darkness in perfect harmony"

And yet the tree shows only fairies?

Also what luck that roxy just so happen to be in......

Actually, theory time:

What if when daphne sent bloom through the portal aiming for earth, she opened it close to a strong magical source, Morgana.

That would make more sense that a huge coincidence of two of the only magical beings on earth being in the same city

anyways

A promise never fulfilled, I wish we actually saw roxy bond with a pixy

[kaiyonohime]

That large fish I was going to smack my coworker with?

It's been upgraded to a god damned shark. Preferably one damned by many gods to curse the person smacked by the damned shark.

My coworker likes to pick favorites. No, that's not good when you're looking after one and two year olds, but it's what she does. And so the little one year old girl that she's picked as her favorite knows she can get away with anything and not get in trouble. In fact, all the girls in the class know this, my coworker is more strict with boys.

So, during English class (mostly stories and songs and being introduced to English, they're only one after all), the little favorite likes to run around, not sit, and generally just not behave. Another little girl also likes to run around and not sit.

Tiny tot, after twenty minutes of being good, finally breaks and keeps running up and handing me books to read. Because he likes books, and figures that if the girls don't need to sit, he doesn't either.

My coworker picked him up and took him out of the classroom, lecturing him that he's supposed to sit, and left him with the two year old class. Just like that. And ignored the little girls of course.

This is the second time in two weeks she's done this, so I complained to the head of the school during break because, come the fuck on! I'm paying for him to attend this school. I'm paying for him to attend English classes! And instead he's learning bad habits from his class, and not getting watched properly by my coworkers. And, of course, they've fallen back into the all Japanese habit, with some shitty broken English here and there, which is even more aggravating.

This does explain why the two year old class has almost zero English after over a year at the school though.

It's honestly making me think about pulling him and just enrolling him at the nursery school down the street from my house. He'd still get English from me at home, but he'd be looked at better at school.

At this rate, if things don't improve, that's honestly what I'm going to do.

[its-all-or-nothing94]

Ravenblade - Part 3 // Ivar Lothbrok x OC

Summary: The battle against the saxon forces is about to occur, so Ivar wants to inspect the grounds. Liv and Ivar are having an intimate moment.

Warnings: Language, light smut

Pairing: Ivar x OC

Tags: @liebgotts-lovergirl

Liv watches the landscape passing to their left and right with an alert gaze. They are on their way to Wessex to bring King Ecbert to justice. Again and again, Liv feels the youngest Ragnar's son's look on her, but she tries to ignore it.

"He stares at you all the time," Sven whispers to her, and Liv looks to the other boat, where Ivar immediately averts his eyes. "His gaze is like that of an animal seeing its prey."

Liv looks at her most loyal companion. "Are you jealous, Sven?" she asks, amused, and he shakes his head.

"I'm not saying that… Just that somehow he seems a little off to me."

"So are we. Do you think my brother or Ubbe and Hvitserk trust us? Probably not," she says, steering the boat slightly to the left. "I know, my brother. He probably doesn't trust me as far as he can throw me. He knows what our motives usually are. But this time, it's different. It's something personal!"

Sven looks at Ivar again and then lets it go. Liv is right. Probably no one trusts them.

As night falls, Liv begins to sing to herself.

My mother told me Some day I would buy Galleys with good oars and Sails to distant shore

Stand up high on the prow Noble bark I steer Steady course for the havens Hew many foe-men Hew many foe-men

In the second verse, Sven joins in, and Liv looks at him with a grin. In the third verse, everyone joins in, and Liv gets goosebumps.

When the song dies down, and Liv only sings lightly to herself, her gaze wanders to the boat next to them, and she notices Ivar looking at her. She holds his gaze and then smiles.

When they finally dock, they continue on foot. Liv walks next to Hvitserk er and chats with him. He actually seems quite nice.

"Why are you helping us anyway? I thought you only fought for reward," he says suddenly, looking at Liv. "And Ragnar wasn't your father."

Liv smiles, but honestly, this time. "No, he wasn't. But I did know him. In the ten years you didn't see him, I saw him often. Did you know he was responsible for me ending up with the Ravenblade?" Hvitserk looks at her in surprise.

"How so?"

"Well, I grew up with Lagertha and my father. My father was not a good man. He beat mother, and he beat me too. Lagertha had lost her will when Ragnar left her for your mother. I probably have Bjorn to thank for that being the worst thing my father did to me."

Liv lifts her tunic a little, and Hvitserk recognizes a long scar on her side.

"Björn protected me, but anger was building up inside me. Anger at my father for being such an abusive person and anger at my mother for allowing him to do such things to me. All I ever heard was what a fierce shieldmaiden my mother was, but it didn't look like that. I have never forgiven her for that. So when Björn decided to go with Ragnar, I was even angrier. Angry at Björn. But Ragnar came to see me before he left. He promised me that when the time was right, I could leave Hedeby. And so it was… He had contacts with the Ravenblade, and they came for me when I was 12 years old."

Still amazed that Liv is revealing so much to him, he listens intently.

"And how did you come to be the leader?" Now Liv laughs again.

"The Ravenblade trained me. Of course, I had training with Lagertha before that, but what I learned from them is worlds apart. I honestly don't remember what it was exactly, but suddenly I was face-to-face with my mentor. He raised me and trained me. He was the leader before me, and now I had to fight him. I later learned that when the leader of the Ravenblade takes in a ward, that tradition wants you to fight your ward when the time comes. This is where you show whether you have trained them properly."

"And you killed him?"

"I'm here, aren't I? It's part of the test. When you kill someone you love, it destroys the last bit of empathy you have in you. So you become the perfect weapon. And the perfect leader."

"That sounds kind of… extreme."

"Maybe it is. That was three years ago," she says, shrugging her shoulders.

Hvitserk and Liv continue talking, and of course, Ivar watches his brother and the young warrior closely. A stab of jealousy hits him, and he squeezes his eyes shut as Björn stops them all.

One of their scouts comes riding towards them. He tells them that the great Saxon army is a day away from them, prompting Björn to set up camp here. But it seems Ivar has other plans.

"You can set up camp," he calls to his brothers, and Liv looks at him with interest. "I want to see the place where we fight."

"What are you talking about?" asks Björn, looking at his younger brother.

"They will expect us to fight in a certain way. Why should we do that? Why don't we plan to fight in a different way and surprise them?" he asks, and Liv likes his way of thinking.

Björn waves his brothers closer to Ivar's chariot, and Liv also stands next to it. None of the brothers seem to mind.

"Our warriors will not understand what is happening," Hvitserk reflects. "We fight with the shield wall. That's how we fight."

"But we have a bigger army now. And they have a bigger army, too, Hvitserk. They don't fight the same."

"It's too late to change that now," Sigurd interjects.

Liv takes a deep breath and listens intently to the brothers' conversation. They really can't work well together.

"Who are you to say such things? Shut your mouth!"

"We are brothers! Together!" Björn now says firmly. "Why do you want to change tactics?"

"Do you want to win, brother?" Ivar asks. He knows he has Björn with him. For a moment, the two look at each other. Then Ivar rolls his eyes. "Listen… Come with me, Björn. Let's survey the battlefield. Maybe it's better if we don't keep the battlefield on a plain but expand it to hills and a few miles further, and we need their landscape. They have only hills and forests."

The brothers all look eagerly at Björn. He has the last word.

"What do you say?"

"If it works, it's a good plan. If it doesn't, it's a bad plan."

A man brings Björn a horse and he sits up.

"What are you waiting for?" asks Björn, and then Liv steps onto the chariot.

"Me," she says casually and Ivar looks at her in surprise.

"What are you doing?" he asks and Liv raises an eyebrow.

"I'm coming with you."

"Liv…" says Björn warningly, but she just looks at her brother.

"What? Six eyes see more than four. Let me help." Björn takes a deep breath and then rides off, and Ivar follows him.

In the evening, Liv is sitting by the fire when Sven sits beside her. He holds out a cup to her, and she accepts it.

"Thank you," she says.

"What are we going to do after this? When we have killed this king and avenged the death of Ragnar Lothbrok?" he asks, and Liv shoves a piece of bread into her mouth.

"The thing we always do?" she asks him and he smiles at her.

"Fighting is all good, but I'm more the quiet fighter than the one on the battlefield."

Liv smiles and takes a sip of her mead. "You've done well for yourself, though."

Sven laughs too, but then Liv notices in the corner of her eye Ivar creeping towards his tent. She sits up and follows him with her gaze.

"Liv…" says Sven, but she gets up and follows Ragnar's son into his tent.

The latter is pulling himself up onto a chair and straightening his legs. When he catches sight of Liv, his eyes grow wide for a moment.

"I'm impressed," she then says and walks towards him. "You really have strong strategic thinking. You're smart. I like that," she says, brushing her blonde hair out of her face.

"Um… Thanks, I guess," Ivar replies, then fills two mugs with mead and holds one out to Liv. She accepts it and then sits down beside him.

"You are much smarter than your brothers…. At least when it comes to tactics. You should take advantage of that."

"I know… They always think straight. But at least Björn listens to me."

Liv takes another sip and looks Ivar in the eye again. Then she stands up and sits on his lap. She takes his face in her hands, and her grey eyes meet his piercing blue ones.

"They don't give you enough credit. You are worth much more than you might think, Ivar," she whispers to him. Then she leans down and kisses him. When she pulls away from him again, he looks at her in amazement.

"Why are you doing this?" he asks, and Liv smiles.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, this? You bring me affection, but I don't know why. You're an incredible woman. And I'm just a cripple."

"Don't say that. There's so much more to you. And I don't know what it is, but something about you draws me in."

Again Liv leans in and kisses him. A little more demanding this time. She strokes his muscular chest and shoulders. She runs her tongue over his lower lip, and he opens his mouth. Their tongues dance together, and Liv can't suppress a smile.

Then she runs her tongue along his stomach and down to his trousers. As if by reflex, Ivar grabs her wrists and stops her. Liv raises her eyebrows in surprise.

"We've been here before," she smirks, and Ivar slowly lets go of her wrists.

Then she stands up, unbuckles her belt, and lets it fall to the floor. Ivar follows her with his gaze as she walks towards the bed and pulls her tunic over her head. He sees her back, which is covered in tattoos and some scars to boot.

She is wearing a bandeau that covers her breasts and holds them in place. She sits down on his bed, covered with furs, and slides back a little. Then she beckons him to her with her index finger.

Ivar hesitates momentarily but then pushes himself off the chair and crawls to the bed. He pushes himself up with his arms and slides towards Liv. He examines her body, which is simply incredible.

She is muscular but also defined by all the training and fighting. He spots a long purple scar on her left side, briefly runs his fingers over it, and Liv flinches.

"What's that?" he whispers, and she looks down momentarily.

"An old memory," she only replies, probably not wanting to elaborate.

Then he looks into her eyes again and sinks into the grey eyes that look at him in the same way. He lies down beside her, and their faces are only inches apart.

"You are beautiful," he then breathes, and Liv smiles. Warmth rises in her, and she doesn't usually know such feelings.

She never thought a man could throw her off the track like Ivar. He strokes her stomach again and slides closer to kiss her again. The feeling is just incredible. Not like with Margrethe, but really good. Her lips are soft, and Ivar's desire grows with every kiss.

He caresses her soft skin and kisses her demandingly. He feels Liv unbutton his tunic and pulls it over his head. Briefly, she looks at him, and his upper body is just incredible. From all the years on his arms, muscles have naturally formed.

Then she strokes his belly with her cold fingertips as light as a feather, which makes him wince briefly, yet the son of Ragnar sees how Liv reacts to his body. He pulls her to him and kisses her. Then Liv turns them both and sits Ivar astride.

Her hands rest on his chest. Then she reaches behind her back, undoes the button holding the bandeau, and lets it fall. She is so perfect. It seems as if the gods had carved her themselves. Ivar doesn't let this go on for long, though. He turns her again and leans over her, stroking her cheek briefly.

"I want you, Liv. You have no idea how much I want you," he whispers, and she feels his breath on her face.

Liv closes her eyes in pleasure as Ivar explores her body with his hands, kissing her repeatedly. Ivar climbs over her half-naked body and starts kissing her all over, which earns him a satisfied moan from Liv. Then he unbuttons the button of her trousers and pulls them down so that the young woman is completely naked. He looks at her briefly and takes it all in before looking into her eyes.

Then she turns with Ivar again so that he is lying under her. Slowly Liv pulls down his trousers without breaking eye contact with Ivar. As she throws the trousers aside, she looks at his deformed legs, which makes Ivar visibly anxious. Then Liv looks him in the eye again and smiles.

"You're perfect just the way you are, Ivar," she whispers, and he pulls her to him again.

He kisses her gently at first, then more and more demanding. He turns them both around again, so he has the upper hand. Liv feels his hardness against her middle, and now she, too, becomes slightly nervous.

With slightly trembling lips, she looks at Ivar. It's not Liv's first time, but it's the first time it's even remotely meant anything, which makes her all the more nervous.

He winces briefly as she reaches down and takes his hardness in her hand. Ivar kisses her again, but the feeling of her hand down there is just overwhelming. When she has placed it that far, Liv looks at him approvingly, and he slides slowly but firmly into her.

A tentative moan comes from her; for Ivar, the feeling is simply outstanding. He can barely hold himself up, so he pulls back a little and then penetrates her again, but not so gently this time. Liv opens her mouth in surprise and then slaps him on the shoulder.

"Hey!" she says firmly and looks at him.

"Sorry," he mumbles, now softening again. Slowly, eyes always on Liv to stop immediately if he should hurt her again, Ivar starts moving again.

And in her eyes, he finds only approval. And lust. He can read that in her gaze, for her grey eyes are like a storm.

He braces himself right and left against her and penetrates a little deeper, and Liv closes her eyes with pleasure before moaning. She throws her head back, and Ivar moans her name softly. She is giving him so much now that she doesn't even notice.

Not only that, he is really having sex for the first time, and then with the woman he wants, but he can do it. Carefully he takes her ankle and puts her leg on his shoulder to penetrate even more profoundly, and Liv looks at him, surprised but not averse. Suddenly he notices her tightening around his member.

"Liv?" he asks sceptically, not sure what that means, but she still has her eyes closed.

"Just keep doing that," she breathes and he does as he's told. And then she moans loudly and tears her eyes open.

A wave of pleasure rolls over her, and she presses her fingernails into Ivar's back. Then she slumps a little and breathes heavily. He has done it. He has satisfied Liv.

Confidence grows in Ivar. Then he looks at the woman of his desire. She nods.

"Go on," she whispers, and Ivar doesn't have to be told twice.

Still careful not to hurt her, Ivar begins to move faster. Liv tries to help where she can, and he can feel her. A little later, his body also tenses, and he pours himself into her.

For a moment, only their heavy breathing can be heard. Then Ivar wipes the sweat from his forehead, pulls out of her but stays on top of her. He looks at her beautiful face from top to bottom. He notices that she is trembling and then sees that Liv has closed her eyes.

All the exertion and sex with him must have taken more out of her than she thought, so he reaches for the furs and spreads them over them both. When she opens her eyes again, she looks at him.

"That was… That was amazing," he says and Liv can't help but chuckle.

"Liv, I…" he begins, but before he can finish speaking, the tent entrance is opened, and Hvitserk and Ubbe come in.

"Ivar…", Hvitserk says, but then he notices that his brother seems busy. "I uh… Sorry," he says quickly and turns away, and Ubbe does the same.

Ivar pushes himself off Liv and lies down beside her. Liv quickly gets out of bed and puts on her tunic. It is long enough to cover everything essential. She picks up her boots and puts her trousers over her arm.

"It's all right. I'll leave you to discuss your things," she says quickly and Ubbe and Hvitserk turn back around. The young woman approaches Ivar once more, presses a passionate kiss to his lips and then leaves the tent. The two brothers look after her with open mouths.

"What do you want?" Ivar then asks, annoyed that they have driven Liv away.