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lenaswritingandstuff · 2 years ago

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Losing Game [Antoine Griezmann x fem!OC] (Chap. III)

Requested: No

Pairing: Antoine Griezmann x OC!Gabrielle Darian; more to be added.

Warnings: OC's mom is a bitch, English is not my first language!

Wordcount: 4K+

A/N: Thank you for reading! GIF IS NOT MINE. Enjoy!

Previous chapter

CHAPTER III

“He told me”, Sabrina continues, “that they would donate a lot of money and that they will talk about the company and charities on social medias, etc.”

Very strange. Generally, we’re the ones that invite the celebrities. But the entire French National Team is excellent from a marketing point-of-view. Oh God, I sound like my mother.

“Do we need to tell your mo-I mean, the Director of Operations?” Sabrina asked.

“I'll tell her,” I answered. “We never know, but knowing her, she’ll want to impress them and I’m gonna have to restart all the organization. Thanks for letting me know, Sabrina.”

“Of course, beautiful. See you tomorrow.”

“See you.”

I hanged up, and spent my time in the supermarket wondering what my mother will want me to change and how I’m gonna change it. After thirty minutes, I go back home. Louisa is cmoing back in thirty minutes, and even if I’m hungry, I decide to wait for her to eat, but I barely had time to store the groceries that I hear the entrance door open.

“Yo.” She said, putting her school bag on the bar.

“Already here?”

“Yes, the teacher left us leave early. Did you take that apple juice I like?” she asked after noticing the groceries bag.

“Did I ever forget to buy what’s on your list?” I asked, raising my eyebrow.

“No, never. So, how was work?”

“Oh, it was good…Surprising.��

“Why?” she asked, eating a bit of bred.

“Didier Deschamps and the French Team want to come to the gala,” I told her.

“No way! But how could they possibly know about the gala?”

“I have no clue,” I said, realizing I never thought about it. “I guess they saw the article on the website. They’re fast, in that case, considering we published it this morning.” I added.

“If they publicly talk about the company, it will be a great promotion. Your mother will be thrilled.”

“Yes, before she tells me to change everything I prepared, just to impress them.”

“Yeah, probably.”

We prepare lunch together, mostly talking about football players inviting themselves.

“Honestly though, have you seen these handsome dudes?” She laughed. “If we’re lucky enough, we could get one of them.”

We both laughed and I shook my head. I don’t really watch football, but I have to admit, some players are rather handsome. But still, I don’t feel like starting a relationship. We sat to eat, and she tells me about her classes. Like her, I can’t wait to finish college so I can get a job in a translation company and finally leaving the family’s company. I know it’s gonna be hard, as there are not many jobs available in that sector, but I’ll do whatever it takes to be independent, even alienating my family.

“What did you plan to study today?”

“German. It’s not like I’ll ever go to Berlin or Munich, but that exam might compensate for bad marks, so…”

“Good luck. And don’t fall asleep!”

“Me? Never.”

She went to her room muttering against the German language. When I see her German lessons, I’m glad I took Spanish since middle school; even though I’m not good at it at all. I studied in the living room, the television’s sound in the background of my head. Exams are coming soon, for both Louisa and me. I can’t wait to have them, just so the stress can go away – even though it’s gonna be replaced by the anxiety of waiting for the results. After one hour, I got up and went to see Louisa to make sure she wasn’t falling asleep. I knocked on her door, and I heard a “No, I’m ain’t sleeping”. I went back to the living room and stayed focused on my studies. When I decide it’s enough for today, it’s already 5:30 pm. Crap, mother. I took my phone and called her. She finished work earlier today, she then should answer. After a few seconds, she answered at the same moment Louisa came back from her room.

“Yes?”

“It’s me.”

“I know it’s you. What do you want?”

Alright, great.

“It’s about the gala. The French National Team want to come.”

“The football Team?” she asked, more surprised than I expected.

“No, the soap bubbles team,” I retorted, “Of course, the football team.”

“Don’t be insolent. Who did they call?”

“Sabrina,” I answered. “Deschamps called her this morning. He told her they would donate money and promote the company. But how did they know about the gala?”

“It does not matter. Tell Sabrina to call them back to accept the invitation.”

“Alright. So, what am I gonna have to change? We’ll have to put on a show, right?”

“Send me the services you chose. I’ll see that tomorrow.”

“As you wish.” I answered.

And she immediately hangs up. I shook my head and sat beside Louisa on the sofa. She proposes we go shopping tomorrow, in order to clear up our minds, and I accept.

*-*

Between college, studying and the gala’s preparation, the 31st of May arrives way sooner for my liking. Coming home from work, I went directly to pick a dress. I try to tell myself that every detail is organized, but to tell the truth, I had never been more anxious in my entire life. I also try to tell myself that I don’t care what my mother will say about the evening I’m organizing but I know deep down, I’m anxious to see her reaction. I sighed and stared at the dresses I had before noticing a long black dress with straps. As for my hair, I decided to put in a bun with some locks around my face. I put my make-up at the same as Louisa does in our small bathroom. She is still as excited about meeting the football player, but she thankfully has given up on the idea of get one of them. She’s wearing a long red dress and let her curly brown hair down.

“Thank you for coming, bestie,” I told her while putting back my make-up in the cupboard. “It’s really helpful to me.”

“Are you kidding, I wasn’t gonna miss your first night as organizer.” She said smiling me through the mirror.

Once we’re ready, it’s already time to go. Like my mother does, I arrive early at the place to take care of last-minute details, and Louisa is coming with me. Jerome comes picking us up as usual, always so nice. In the car, I can’t help but to bite my nails, which I do when I’m stressing out, and even Louisa’s ‘Tsst!” can’t stop me from doing it. Once we have arrived, Jerome wishes me good luck and assures me everything will go okay. Damnit, give this man a raise already. The photographs, more numerous than last time, that my mother has forced me to invite, are not here yet, which amazingly suits me. I entered the room, and quickly the services’ bosses came to me to tell me everything is ready to welcome the guests. I inspected the decoration, put exactly as planned, and the tables put like my mother usually does.

“You nailed it, Gaby.” Louisa told me, looking around.

“Thank you. Hey, if something wasn't working, you would let me know, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course I would, don’t worry. Relax.”

I checked the last details and the time, and realized the guests should arrive any minute now. I barely had time the waiters coming with plates full of drinks and food and to go place myself by the entrance that the first car is already coming. It’s the adorable elderly lady from the last gala, giving me a big, warm smile.

“Good evening, my dear,” she said before kissing me on the cheek. “I’m glad to see you, you look beautiful.”

“You too, ma’am.” I said, taking the wrinkled hands she gave me. “Thank you for coming.”

“Thank you for inviting me, my dear child. It’s always a pleasure to see the Darian family.”

I invite her to come in, and she goes to Louisa, who she greets warmly. The other guests then arrive, and I pray none of them notices that my hands are sweaty. After a while, Louisa comes to me.

“You parents are not here yet?” she asks. “It’s unlike them to be late.”

“Yes, except when it’s for something involving me.”

Giving only them and the football boys are yet to arrive, I decide to go inside. I ask the waiters and the cooks if everything is okay, and their positive answer relaxes me a little. I go back to the room, psychologically preparing myself to have a conversation with boring, arrogant people when nearly all eyes suddenly turned to the entrance, where a group of twenty people or so just came in. They’re all wearing the same classic yet elegant suit and most of them did their hair. Most of them are silent and look around them with curious looks. I walk to the man with white hair leading them both as like a father and a teacher.

“Good evening,” I said, more intimidated than I thought I would be, before shaking his hand. “It’s very nice to meet you all.”

They all answer with a nod, a smile or a rather shy “Good evening”.

“Nice to meet you, too.” answered Didier Deschamps warmly. “Thank you for allowing us to come.”

“Thank you for asking. It’s not everyday that we have high-level athletes coming at our galas. I hope you’ll have a good night.”

“No doubt about it”, he smiled. “Benjamin was not able to come tonight because, well, of a last-minute problem, I hope you’ll excuse him. He says hello.”

“Oh,” I said, “I hope he will be fine.”

“Yes, thank you”

I vaguely nodded and stared at the 22 players standing in silence in the entrance.

“Well, have a good night.”

“Thank you very much.”

Most of the men gave me smile and I smiled back. Then they scattered, and right after, a silhouette came in, and I immediately recognize my mother. My mind is screaming at me to turn my back and ignore her, but I don’t have the energy to start a fight. I walked towards her, more insecure that I wished I was. She looks around with a probing look before turning to me.

“Hi, mom.”

“The decoration isn’t that bad. I would have picked another color, though. Gabrielle, what is that awful dress you’re wearing? The color is just dreadful. This robe is barely good to be wore at a cocktail party. Especially with famous guests…And let’s not talk about your hair.”

She sighed heavily and I felt a red light coming. She grabbed a glass when a waiter passes before us, took a sip and grimaced.

“For God’s sake, Gabrielle, what is that champagne? I specifically told you to pick Mr. Sandrin’s champagne!”

“I did!” I defended myself, trying not to raise my voice. “This is the champagne you asked for.”

She stared at her glass and then raised her shoulders, not convinced.

“Dad and Noah aren’t here?” I asked, changing the topic.

“Your father had an impediment, and your brother is sick.”

With Noah, “sick” means “at a party” with the option “girl” or “has a hangover”. I try to see Louisa among the guests but can’t find anywhere. My mother tells a waiter to come and grab a hors d’oeuvre.

“Gabrielle, do you even know how to read? I thought I told to the Menu number Three! The Second one is horrible.”

“Well you know what? Next time why don’t you just organize your freaking gala yourself?”

Before she can answer, I turned around and nearly ran to the bar, my eyes watering. On my way to the bar, I rapidly meet of the footballers’ blue gaze – Antoine Griezmann. Hell, now one of tonight’s most important guests saw me cry.

“Good evening, Miss.” The barman said with a smile. “What can I serve you?”

“Something strong.”

“Coming up.”

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. I usually only drink champagne at galas and don’t drink alcohol outside of galas, but right now I need to relax. At the same time the barman put a glass in front of me, I hear a voice in my back.

“Hello. Gabrielle, am I right?”

I turned around, and to my surprise, saw Kylian Mbappe standing before me.

“Oh, hello.” I answered with a voice that I hoped sounded confident. “Yes, you’re right. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, thank you. Very cool night," he said, pointing out the room.

“That’s nice of you.”

“What it will be, sir?” the barman asked Kylian.

“Do you do alcohol-free cocktails?”

“Sure. Right away.”

The French Team’s striker walked to the bar, which gave the perfect spot to observe him. He was actually cute, with his frank smile and his sparkling eyes. I supposed he was barely older than me, maybe by one year or two. He thanked the barman, grabbed his glass, and then turned to me. We started talking about anything and everything, and his kindness and his sweetness almost made me forget my mother’s comments. It’s obvious he remained humble and down to earth despite the fame. He asked me about the company, and I asked him about football, his club, and the World Cup coming up. Suddenly, as he’s giving an answer I’m doing my best to understand – I didn’t know anything about football – my eyes move far behind him. Antoine Griezmann is talking with one of his teammates – Lucas Hernandez, if I’m not mistaken – and some other guests, but his eyes are on me.

I tried to focus on what Kylian was saying, but every fifteen seconds, my eyes turned to Antoine who continued to staring at me, and every time I looked at him my heart beated faster. For God’s sake, dude, why are you looking at me like that? Don’t be silly, Gabrielle, he’s probably looking at Kylian. A few minutes later, I’m still giving a quick glance at Antoine when a young man dressed exactly like Kylian comes to us. He was rather tall, pale with blond hair and tired brown eyes, who looked a bit older than Kylian. He had like him a big smile, but seemed more confident than Kylian.

“Sorry to interrupt, but Hugo wishes to see you, Kylian. It’s urgent, apparently.”

“Oh,” said Kylian. “I’ll just go then. See you later, I hope,” he added to me.

“Of course.”

Even though I didn’t know anything about football, I still knew who the most famous were. And this blondie wasn’t one of them, I thought. But I didn’t have to ask who he was, as he’s quicker:

“I don’t think we've met before. The name is Emilien.”

“Gabrielle,” I answered politely.

“What your family does is really wonderful. I mean it.”

“That’s nice of you.”

“Maybe we could have a partnership? I’ll give you my number and-”

“Emilien?”

I jumped and turned to see a young man with dark blond hair and large blue eyes standing before us, his hands in his pockets. My hearts stopped, and I almost let my glass fell.

“Ah,” said Emilien, “Yeah, Antoine?”

My heart was beating so fast I could hear pound in my head.

“The coach wants to see ya, it’s important.” Antoine said.

My, they sure do have a lot of important things to say to each other.

“Oh. I’m coming, then. See you later,” he added to my direction.

I just nodded, and he disappeared. Antoine took a step in my direction and gave me a smile.

“I hope they weren’t too awful”, he said with the same smile.

“Not at all,” I reassured him with a smile.

Damn it, his eyes are so blue. Blue like the sea, soft, and warm.

“Your teammates are very nice.”

“Kylian thinks you’re very nice, too.”

I searched for him, but he was invisible.

“You’re the one that organized this gala, right?” he asked.

“I am.”

“You did very well. I love the decorations.”

“Well you’re alone in that,’ I muttered.

“I-I accidentally heard your conversation with your mother.”

Sweet Jesus.

“Oh no, I’m sorry. You must think I’m a crybaby who can’t handle her mother’s critics.” I said, embarrassed and looking at the floor.

“Not at all,” he assured. “I never speak ill of someone else’s mother, but what she said is totally wrong. The decorations are nice, the two glasses of champagne I had were really good and, personally, I think the food is good as heck” he finished with a little laugh.

His laugh is so cute and contagious that I can only laugh as well.

“For real, you’ll have to give me the name of the cook.”

“Sure.”

“Believe me, you shouldn’t let other’s opinions get to you – even your mother’s,” he said with a voice that sounded sweeter, and more adult. “Especially since no one agrees with her – and agree with me.”

“That’s nice of you to say that. And you’re right.”

He smiled again, and I realized I never saw such a beautiful smile. Hell, everything about him is beautiful. The way that strand of hair falls on his forehead, his childish smile, the way his suit fit perfectly on his body which I imagine fit and firm…I felt my cheek turn pink and suddenly felt hot. We started chatting, but unlike earlier with Kylian or Emilien, I’m only focused on him and the words that come out of his mouth. I don’t know how much time had passed, five minutes or five hours. I can no longer hear the waiters walking, the soft music in the background or the conversations around us. It’s like…They was only us on the planet. I answered his questions, and saw him bit his bottom lip. He got closer to me, and I shivered when he rose his hand and put my hair on the side of my face back. Before I can even breathe, his face gets closer to mine, so much so that I can smell his intoxicating perfume and his breath on my neck. His hand is only a few millimeters from my cheek, and my heart is beating so fast that its gonna explode.

“Gabrielle!”

A cold hand grabbed my arm, and reality comes back. The voices, the somehow fresh air, the food’s smell coming from the kitchen. The charm is broken.

“Come here, hurry,” my mother said, pulling my arm before I could react. “You must announce diner!”

Antoine’s eyes became more and more distant, and soon I can’t see him anymore no matter how I lean. My mother puts a microphone in my hand and tell me to hurry with her hand. I cleared my throat.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the diner.”

Slowly, the guests went towards the round tables, and instinctively, I look for Antoine. Louisa, who went missing, comes from nowhere and smiles at me.

“Hi there.”

“Lou’, where the hell have you been?” I asked her.

“I was talking with Mr. and Mrs. Aubret,” she said with a bit surprised voice. “I saw you talking with Griezmann, I thought you didn’t need me.”

“It’s fine.”

Around us, people are sitting, and we do imitate them. The adorable elderly lady comes slowly and sits in front of us. Her smile comforts me, and I smile back. My mother then arrives and sits silently. A few days ago Louisa begged to let take care of the seats, and I eventually gave up and said yes – only if none of the players would be sitting with us – and I suspect her of putting us with important people so my mother can’t talk too much. I need to talk to her about it. The dishes arrive one after the others, and even though I’m talking with Louisa and the adorable lady – whose name seems to be Mrs. Orment – my eyes are looking for a striker. I finally find him, sitting at a table not far away from us. His eyes meet mine and he gives me a smile. I’m about to smile back when Didier Deschamps, sitting on his left, lean towards him and whispers something in his ear. Antoine vaguely nods his head before concentrating on his plate.

“Gaby?” Louisa asked. “Are you okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.”

“The diner is delicious, my dear,” Mme Ornent said cheerfully. “You chose well.”

“Absolutely,” his neighbor, a doctor who were about to retire soon, said. “You have good taste, miss. It must be a family thing, right, Anita?”

My mother had a laugh I knew was hypocritical and took her glass.

“You’re too kind, Doctor.”

Thankfully the dessert arrives soon after.

“Damn, that cake be good as heck!” a voice which I guessed was Adil Rami’s said loudly and his neighbors laughed.

The other guests seemed to like it too, and that comforted me a bit. I look in Antoine’s direction without realizing it, and I see him talking with the CEO of a multinational company. Once diner is over, those who wants to have a coffee walk toward the bar. Then arrives the auction, which is eventually very successful.

“Excuse-me,” I said once the auction is over.

I really need some fresh air. I grabbed my bag and went to the door. I tried to breath, and a few seconds later, I felt better. To my surprise, I saw a silhouette coming.

“Oh,” Emilien said while walking to me, “you like some calm sometimes, too?”

“Oh yes,” I said with a smile. “You can feel like suffocating at this kind of event. Even if you’re used to it.”

“You’re doing very well, though,” he smiled.

“I appreciate it. You still want to do the partnership?” I asked him.

“You’re reading my mind,” he laughed. “I’d be happy to do what I can: meet people with illness, sign autographs or jerseys, make videos to promote the charity…”

“That’s good, because you’re very likely to be asked to do that,” I laughed too.

“Perfect then!”

“I’m gonna give you the number of the person in charge of that, she’ll explain everything.”

“No problem.”

I opened my bad and took out a piece of paper and a pen. I scribbled a phone number and gave it to him.

“Thanks a lot. It’s really important to me help others, you know…”

“That’s wonderful.”

Suddenly, Didier Deschamps, followed by the rest of the players, arrived and the coach turned to the blond man.

“Emilien, there you are. Sorry to interrupt, but we are leaving.”

“Very well, coach. Goodbye, then,” he said after turned to me. “I guess we will see each other again at some point.”

“I think so. See you soon, then.”

He smiled, and went to his teammates. When Emilien joined the group, Kylian walked up to me with a smile.

“It was a fun night.”

“I’m glad you had fun.”

“Say, do you wanna come to the match against Italy tomorrow night? With your friend Louisa?”

I didn’t see that coming. I didn’t go to a football game since I was ten – Noah’s birthday gift – and I barely remembered it.

“Well, yeah, with pleasure.”

“Great, I’ll send you tickets. If you want to invite other people, please let me know.”

“That’s nice of you.”

“See you tomorrow, then.”

“See you.”

I expect all of them to get in the cars, but it was Deschamps’ time to walk up to me.

“Thank you for tonight. Do you mind me asking you something?”

“Please go ahead, sir.” I answered.

“Would you mind mentioning us in the article you will write about tonight’s gala?”

“Hum, no, not at all. May I ask why?”

“Oh, well, people sometimes think that with money and success, football players forget about helping others and compassion. I’d like to prove, in some way, that it’s not true when it comes to my men.”

“I see. Well, I sure will be talking about you guys.”

“Thank you very much. See you soon, young lady, take care.”

He patts my arm in a fatherly way and showed his players the cars. They all waved at me and said discreet “goodbye” which I say back. I hope the ones I didn’t talk to didn’t find me mean or rude. They all get in the different black cars that brought them, and when Antoine walks past me, his arm grazed mine and he stared at me until he sits in the car.

NEXT CHAPTER

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Masterlist

#antoine griezmann #griezmann #football #france nt #football fanfic #les bleus #antoine griezmann x reader #soccer #hugo lloris #olivier giroud #kylian mbappe #benjamin pavard #grizi #original female character #losing game #fanfic #antoine griezmann x original character

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youngcollectedtired · 4 years ago

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Class 1-a x New Student Reader

I wrote this to go along with a quirk I made for myself. I'd already made a quirk for a character who's gonna be paired with Kirishima so this is basically just if I was in MHA. It's still an x reader so enjoy. This story is mainly for fun and practice so I can get to know the class 1-a characters for my newest book. It may or may not turn into an actual book.

I just wanna say if I could draw this would probably be in a comic book. But I cannot draw so here we are. Also I haven't read the manga

Warnings? Mineta being a perv

Pairings? Possibly Sero or Todoroki or Shinso... or literally any of the guys I'm in love and i have a problem

Part 1/?

Quirk? It's complicated but based on the chronic illness called Lupus

You'd heard rumors about how easily Class 1-a attracted trouble. This made you feel better about yourself, but it also made you feel bad. You too had your fair share of trouble run ins. Being sister to the leader of the league villains left you with many watchful eyes in the underground world.

Few heroes knew of your relation and even fewer knew of your quirk. Your mentor, Hawks thought the safest place for you to be was UA. Yes, they'd had a run-in or two with villains, but because of it, they were the most capable to defend and fight with you. And Eraserhead it seemed was a great teacher, maybe he could help you learn to control it.

It was false hope, you knew that. Still, you were excited to meet your new classmates.

"Alright, class we've got a new student. Today's morning lesson will be replaced with you helping her settle in and getting to know her," you could hear Mr. Aizawa's voice from the hallway. He sounded bored and tired almost, but you assumed that was just his nature.

You heard excited chatter and that caused the nerves to worsen.

The principal Mr. Nezu smiled, "Don't worry they’ll like you."

You nodded your head, your fingers pulling at and adjusting your tie. You liked the school uniform, the skirt was shorter than you thought it would be that was an easy fix. Knee-waisted white socks with two red stripes on the top made you feel better.

The door opened and you entered. Aizawa barely glanced at you before nodding to Principle Nezu, "I'm leaving her in your trusted hands." You could hear the door attempting to close behind you which forced you forward. You felt every eye on you.

"This is Y/N L/N," he gestured to you. You'd forgotten your last name was changed, the Tomura sure to drag attention.

You bowed deeply.

"Hello, sorry to barge in your class. Nice to meet you."

You could hear whispers and you unconsciously touched your white horn, one on another side of your head. They were filed down to about two inches, still noticeable in your curly hair. You knew the grey streaks in your hair and in your eyes would cause many questions.

A boy with green hair raised his hand quickly, "What's your quirk?" He asked his eyes sparkling it seemed like.

You bit your lip but before you could answer Mr. Aizawa cleared his throat, "You're all dismissed. I expect her moved in by lunch, you have combat training this afternoon."

A girl with pink hair and yellow horns shook her fist excitedly, "YES! Feels like forever since we've had a lesson like that." Everyone stood up, while Mr. Aizawa slumped into his seat his eyes closing as he rested his head on his desk. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

"Don't worry, he does that a lot. I'm Uraraka," one of the girls said and you immediately put her name to her face.

"Nice to meet you," you beamed.

"She's so cute! I'm Mina," the girl with pink skin and yellow horns yelled excitedly.

"Hi! Thank you," you bowed slightly, causing her to shake her head wildly, "Don't bother we're all the same here! I'll introduce you to everyone."

On the way to the dorms, you found easy ways to remember everyone. Somehow each name fit a person. Plus you'd recognized a few people from the sports festival. You were thankful none of them asked personal questions, instead they choose to get to know you on the surface.

"Is your hair naturally that color?" "Yes, it changed its color when I was 6." "Do you play any instruments?" "Kind of, but I can paint better!" "Are you a good fighter?" "I'd like to think so but I guess we'll see this afternoon."

You also began to piece together the groups of close friends, the rivals, and even those who shared certain hobbies or hardships.

"You look nice in a skirt," Mineta complimented a smirk on his face, his mouth-watering. You knew his intentions, still glaring at him seemed to do nothing until Bakugo stepped in front of him his hand filling with small puffs of smoke.

"Thanks," you mumbled as you adjusted your skirt attempting to pull it down.

Bakugo let out a gruff, "Whatever," and joined his group of friends' hands tucked in his pocket.

"Sorry about him," Tsu stepped up next to you, "Mineta is our resident pervert. Be careful around him."

You nodded in thanks.

Your room had most of your bigger things moved in, you figured that was Hawks doing. On your bed were a few pictures clipped together with some picture frames, and journals.

The only thing you had to do was hang your clothes up, fix your desk and put your pictures up. The girls all volunteered, the boys cleaning around the dorm to make you feel more at home.

You hid the pictures figuring you'd go through them later tonight. Besides, being pictured next to a number 2 hero would definitely turn some heads.

"Your Japanese is good but it doesn't sound like your first language," Momo began as the girls made their way down to the common room, "What is your first language?"

You chuckled, "You're very observant, my first language was English, then Japanese, and then Russian," you explained.

Cue excited boys and curious girls.

Denki grinned, "Wow how did you learn?!"

Before you could answer, the bell rang the dorm common room almost seemed to shake. You decided it was only because it was your first time hearing it.

"Come on Dunce face, you'll get your answer at lunch," Bakugo grunted the first to make his way towards the doors leading out of the dorms.

No one argued with him food also on their minds and stomachs.

I hope I can fit in well, you thought to yourself grateful for Mina and Uraraka both of them explaining different things to you. Whether or not you knew what they were you were happy all the same.

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onlymexsarah · 4 years ago

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Promise pt. 5 || Kaz Brekker

Summary: When the life of Kaz is threated by her presence, she had to make a crucial decision that will bring misunderstanding among the two of them. Now that he has his Fire Girl, will he be able to keep her, or Dirtyhand will mess everything up?

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x grisha!Reader

Warning: angst, Kaz being Dirtyhands for ten minutes straigh, spoiler of Six of Crows, my english.

A/N: Thank all of you for the comments, the likes and the shares. I didn't expected that this little idea would have captured your attention, really you made my writing more enjoyable and easy. I'm so sorry if I'm late but I've been sick these days and I couldn't finish the chapter :( there are a lot of things that I want to tell you, see you at the end of the chapter ;)

PT. 1 - PT. 2 - PT. 3 - PT. 4

MAIN MASTERLIST

Few days passed with the girl lying on her bed recovering from the wound that the fight gave her.

When she opened her eyes after have fainted in Kaz's arms, fear had been the first to come to visit her. Fear of being already tied at some bed on a ship, sold at the Shu that would have been more than happy to make experiment on her. She was scared that the temptation must have been too much for Kaz Brekker to have such a value grisha in his hands, but then she noticed she was in her room at the Slat and a rush of tiredness hit her making her sleep again.

The other times she opened her eyes someone among Jesper, Inej and Wylan was always at her side, changing the bandage and bringing her food.

Inej told her that her father, Jan Van Eck, was now aware that she was part of the Dregs, and she was under Kaz Brekker's protection. Everyone was aware she was a grisha, but neither Jesper and Inej seemed to mind her lie, maybe because they had secrets too, she though.

A morning a letter came for Kaz, a letter from her father.

Mister Brekker

we never had the occasion to meet, and you'll agree with me when I say that I wish to keep things like this. Voice is spread that you have my beloved daughter with you. I hope you understand that she is a danger for this city. I've sent her away many years ago with the only interest of protecting Kerch from her, but I see that I could have done things in a better way.

It is as a father that I ask you to bring her to me so that I can repair my mistakes. She is a danger for all of us if not under control, Mister Brekker, and I am sure you saw it yourself last night. She has to face a trial for her crimes and be sent where she can't be a danger for anyone anymore. If she doesn't come back in seven days, I should consider you and your Dregs as her accomplices, planning to attack Ketterdam and all Kerch using her power.

Surely a smart men as yourself doesn't want those kind of problems.

Hope to see my city safe again,

Jan Van Eck.

Inej had brough the letter at her in the afternoon, and in the evening the grisha girl was already planning her escaping from Ketterdam for the third time in her life.

She didn't want to leave Wylan, hell she had promised him they wouldn't split up ever again, but if her plan worked then he would have been able to follow her after few months. If the Van Eck siblings moved together they would have caught too much attention, and they had to do everything in secrets.

Wylan tried to convince her to stay. He was sure that Kaz would have helped her, Wylan was sure that Kaz Brekker would have sealed all Ketterdam to keep her save, and even if as her brother he didn't like her closeness with the Bastard of the Barrel, he couldn't deny that it was useful.

"I'm putting all of you in danger just staying here. If I go away father will have nothing to threat you with." she said putting her clothes in her bags. Seven days, she couldn't give her father the time to close all the harbours in Kerch. If she wanted to go she had to do it as soon as possible.

"Talk to Kaz! Let see what he says, please." begged Wylan grabbing her hands in his to stop her.

She looked in his beautiful blue eyes and saw hope. "You really think Kaz has the power to keep me here?"

Her brother smirked. "I think Kaz would tear apart this city to keep you save. Talk to him, keep your options open."

Dirtyhands would never fight a battle where he couldn't win money, but Y/n was willing to try. That night after dinner she decided she would speak with Kaz and see if he was willing to keep her.

"Let see what the great Kaz Brekker think about it." she sighed putting her arm around Wylan's shoulder and walking downstair where their dinner waited them.

Kaz Brekker sat in his office, in his gloved hands the red handkerchief and Jan Van Eck's letter. Before that morning the death of Van Eck had been one of the many he wanted to deal with for what he had done to his Fire Girl, but now his death had taken a shape, colours and many details that Kaz's was adding one by one.

Brick by brick, Kaz would take all his enemies down, and Y/n was more than welcome to take her revenger with him.

He went downstair at the second floor walking toward Y/n's room. He wanted to check how she was, and speak with her about how she wanted to deal with her father. He didn't know if she wanted his actual death, but he was just fine with torture.

When he reached the door and looked inside his blood froze. All her things were packed in three bags, all her clothes were gone from her wardrobe and none of her objects were around the room. Neither the little portrait of she and baby Wylan that she kept on her bedside table before falling asleep.

She is leaving you.

These words felt like a stab in his chest, like someone had taken the oxigen from his lungs. Would she, leave him? Yes. Y/n would find a better life everywhere out Kerch, it was reasonable that she was already packing. When she wanted to leave? Where she wanted to go?

He knew nothing about it and Kaz Brekker always knew everything. Especially of what happened in his Slat. But this time the girl was leaving him, again, and she hadn't had talked with him about it. She hadn't advised him. Did you really think she was going to live this life just for you? For a man who can't even hold her hands without hyperventilate? A man who can't give her the love she deserve?

The fear he saw in her eyes when she saved his life with her power wasn't because she was feared of his rejection; she feared that he would have send her out of the Dregs, without protection and away from her brother.

He stormed back in his office, anger filled his boody and what else? Disappointment? Sadness? He was angry with himself because he had been a fool again. He had let someone playing with him again, that's what Y/n had been doing. She had been toying with him. She had made sure to have a safe place where live, a job and her brother beside her. Every little nice things she did for him was just to keep him close, to keep Dirtyhands at bay.

Like a fury he threw everything that was on his desk on the floor with his arms. Documents, the handkerchief, the letters, were all on the floor but he couldn't care less. She wanted to leave? Fine. Dirtyhands didn't care.

A known shiver crossed his spine before he heard a knock at his door.

"What?" he didn't look up when the girl entered, too focus on something in the drawers of his desk.

"Wow, and I though to be the one who had a bad day." she joked looking the mess at his feet.

He didn't smile, or smirked. He kept his eyes on something she coudn't see. "What bussiness?"

What bussiness. Those words were the greeting in Ketterdam when two bussiness men met, but the grisha girl though that she and Kaz had passed that step. He must had really a bad day, and it could have been because of the letter...she though sadly.

Who knew what other problems her father had caused around Ketterdam to earn the attention of Kaz, to push him to hand her in his hands.

"My father...I don't want any of you to be in danger because of me." she said carefully walking closer to his desk. A glimp of red captured her eyes but the pain at her waist made her close her eyes for a second.

"I'd say it's too late for it, isn't it?" he asked coldly. She took a step behind, taken back by his coldness toward her. "You seemed to enoy keeping secrets, didn't you? Do you know how easier it would have been knowing about your being grisha months ago?"

That wasn't the boy who had brough her in his arms out from the gala. He wasn't the boy who fought beside her, spied beside her and saved her a couple of time.

"I am sorry, I truly am Kaz. But I know what is the price of being a grisha here...it wouldn't have been easy for me walking with a target on my back. I have done it my whole life."

He refused to look her in the eyes, and it was driving her crazy. Was he really that mad at her that he couldn't bare even the sight of her?

"You decided for yourself, a thing you tend to do often I see." she was sure he had never spoken to her like that, neither in his bad days, and Kaz Brekker had a lot of bad days. "You swore loyalty to the Dregs, to the Crows. If you can't trust us then you shouldn't stay here."

He had said the crucial words, and there was no going back. She wanted to leave, then he would make sure to let her believe that he didn't care. That he didn't care about not finding his hot coffee on his desk again, or that from that day on he wouldn't feel the shivers in his spine anymore. He pretended to not care about not seeing her anymore. She had left him once, he could survive it a second time.

"That's it? That's what you want?" she felt her voice dying in her throat. Was her mistake that big? You knew that once Kaz knew what you were he would have pushed you away like everyone else. 'No one will understand you as the other of your kind', Baghra once told her, but when she met Kaz she believed that her old teacher was wrong. Kaz Brekker had been her safe harbour when no one else would care about her, was she so easily replaceable for him?

"You would have leave anyway at some point, you said it yourself the first time we met at the Club. Today, tomorrow, in five years...I don't see the difference." he shrugged like he didn't care.

He doesn't, her mind reminded her.

"Alright then...I don't want to be of any trouble to you anymore..." she whispered with her hands behind her back. She hated how little she felt, but he was sendind her away. Kaz Brekker, the boy she'd die for. The boy who had let her felt hope again after years, the boy who made her laugh even when he surely didn't mean it. The boy in who she was willing to put the most important years of her long life, that boy was sending her away without looking back.

"Then go." he said fixing his eyes in hers. She could feel the sharpness of his eyes cutting her chest.

"Fine, then I'll just-" she stopped talking when her eyes landed on the red thing she had seen before. A red handkerchief. Her feet moved on their own will. Before she could register what was happening she had the red handkerchief in her hands, her eyes fixed on the three letters on it. W. V. E.

"Y/n don't-" Kaz stood up trying to stop her but it was too late.

"Why do you have my brother's hand-" she was confused, but then her eyes raised to the boy in front of her. His brown eyes, his dark hair and pale skin, and in a second her mind brough her a memory.

The little boy smiled standing before her. He was at the same height of her belly, but his eyes seemed older.

"I have still things to do, and people I need to find. " the last words said with rage.

"Take care of yourself, boy. Don't let the bad days winning your good ones, there is always light at the end of a tunnel; you only have to walk a little more."

And then another.

"What is you name little boy?"

"K-..." he stopped for a long moment thinking about it. He looked the girl beside him and even if he wanted to trust her he just couldn't after what happened. "Jordie..."

"J-Jordie?" she asked, her voice trembling. "I-...You are not him, aren't you?" he stayed silent, looking her like a statue. "You would have told me if you were him...Kaz you are not the little boy I met eight years ago, right?!"

Her voice raised squeezing the handkerchief in her right fit.

She saw him gulped before answering slowly. "Yes, I am."

She took two huge steps back breathing eavily. He had known me all along. "Why you've never said anything? That day when you approached me, you knew who I was and you offered me a...job..."

"Can you keep a secret?" she asked touching his shoulder with her own. The boy, whose name wasn't obviously Jordie, nodded looking her curiously. She smirked bringin her left hand on her right one and rotating them slowly. A flame came out from her right palm, little but still powerful; red and orange like the handkerchief she had given him before.

The boy's eyes shone marveled looking the flame on her palm. "You are a grisha!"

The truth hit her hard. She raised her eyes in his letting him see the betrayal. "You had always knew what I was. That's why you gave me the job...you didn't care that I was new, you didn't care that I was the girl you met when you was a child. You wanted an Inferni to work for you!"

Every words, every attention, every talk they shared were all lies. Nothing of what he said was true, Kaz Brekker didn't need a reason, he didn't need a reason to give a job to a girl new in town, but it was clear that Kaz Brekker always had a reason. She had been only too foolish to not understand everything before.

She thought she was good to keep a secret, but something like her power couldn't pass unnoticed to Kaz Brekker. She had been a fool to believe he didn't know about her power. It was the only reason he kept her in the Dregs since the beginning.

"An inferni would have been very useful, but you have proved to know how to do your job perfectly without your power. Now, if you want to go you are free to do so. Nothing bind you here." he said, his voice cold as death.

You bound me here, she wanted to shout. But it had been Kaz's plan all along. Making her believe she was different, making her believe he saw her.

"Nothing." she repeated before walking away from his office, leaving the boy alone with the loudly silent that filled the room, staring at the handkerchief that she let fall on the ground, the only thing that had always bound them.

***

The next morning Kaz woke up and knew immediately that something was wrong. He took his cane and walked downstairs to the kitchen where he heard people talking out loud.

"I swear Jesper, when I see him I-" Wylan stop talking in the exact moment Kaz stepped in the room. The red haired boy fixed his eyes on him and before he could understand what was happening Wylan was yelling at him with all the rage he felt. "How dare you coming here like nothing happened!?"

Jesper had to put his arms around Wylan's torso to keep him from throwing himself on Kaz. "Last time I checked this was my Slat."

"And you find amusing sending people away, don't you?" Wylan spoke spitting venom from his mouth. "She needed help and you turned your back at her!"

Now Kaz needed few minutes to make his brain, still sleepy, working to connect the dots. It was clear that Wylan was talking about his sister, who seemed to have played the victim with her own brother.

"If you want to know, merchling, she decided her will herself. She came to me to let me know she was leaving." Kaz shrugged walking toward coffee machine. He didn't have the strengh to face an angry boy if he wasn't properly awake.

"As hell she did. She came to ask you what to do and you sent her away." Kaz let his words running in his head for a while, studying them one by one.

He didn't..."When she came in my office she had already decided." he refused to tell them he had seen her bags ready in her room, he refused to let someone know he cared.

"No Kaz, she didn't." This time Inej spoke, he hadn't even noticed she was there. "She wanted to leave to protect you from her father, but Wylan convinced her to slow down and come to you to ask what to do."

No, no, it was not possible. "When she came in your office she hadn't decided yet. You gave her the answer, Kaz." Jesper spoke keeping his hands on Wylan's shoulders, who now was sat on a chair with his face in his hands.

I would have noticed if she was asking me what to do. She had her bags ready...she came to me to tell me...his thoughs were running wild inside his head.

"That's it? That's what you want?"

Kaz tried to put his thoughs together. He tried to find a logic of what had happened the night before.

"You had always knew what I was. That's why you gave me the job...you didn't care that I was new, you didn't care that I was the girl you met when you was a child. You wanted an Inferni to work for you!"

No, no, no. Everything was so wrong again. He though she was going to leave him and he had let her believe that he had used her all this time. He though she was leaving him...that was the only thing he had needed to loose his mind.

"You didn't know..." whispered Inej surprised.

Kaz couldn't trust his voice enough to not break in front of everyone so he just shoke his head slowly looking the Suli girl in the eyes.

"What have you done..."murmured Jesper rubbing his eyes with his hand. "Alright, if you hurry you should arrive before the schooner leaves."

"Fifth harbour?" Kaz asked with raspy voice.

"Yes! Go!" said the Zemeni boy excited. "I love a dramatic romance."

He didn't let him repeated twice, ready to run if he had to he walked toward the door when Wylan's voice stopped him.

"Brekker, bring her back." Please, was the word the boy let unspoken.

He nodded before running toward the harbour. He took just his cloat at the door, leaving his hat behind. He couldn't let her leave again. He had to arrive in time, and if he didn't he would have swim until he'd found himself on the schooner and ask sorry to her for his infinity dullness.

"Alright then...I don't want to be of any trouble to you anymore..."

She wasn't a trouble, he wanted to shout in the air. She had never been a trouble, he was the wrong one. He was the twisted, crooked, problematic who couldn't stop himself from hurt her everytime.

"My father...I don't want any of you to be in danger because of me."

Even when she was the one in danger, she would think about him first. He didn't see it last night, too focused on accusing her of betrayal. Betrayal of what? She hadn't broken any vows she made. She wasn't bind to him, she own him nothing and surely Ketterdam did nothing to earn her protection.

Since the first day she had stayed on her own will, she had stayed beside him even when he pushed everyone away. That's what got under his skin, her perseverence. She kept fighting for him, she kept seeing good in him and the only thing he had been capable of was making her feel used and unwanted.

He saw the harbour and he barely noticed that he hadn't used his cane. It would have just slowed me, he thought already searching his girl with the eyes.

He owed her an explanation, he owed her a lot of apologies, and then she would decide if she wanted to stay. Kaz swore to everyone who was listening that if Y/n chose to stay in Ketterdam with him, he would have made sure to be worth her choice. He would fight everyday to go trought his boundaries for her, with her. He would be the man she deserved.

"The schooner for Os Kervo." Kaz asked urgently to a man. He knew Y/n, she would find a safe home in Ravka at the Little Palace where the grisha were safe and strong.

"The first one left this morning at four bells, the next it's at the berth twenty-four, leaves in half bell." the man answered.

Kaz didn't think twice and ran toward the schooner with his heart in his throat. Please, saints if you exist make sure she hadn't already left.

He felt pathetic. Never in his life he had ever prayed, but he though that if it gave him a chance to see her again that it was worth a try.

He arrived at the schooner, but looking around he didn't see her. She must be already on board, he though and without difficulty he went on the ship.

There wasn't many people, but from what Kaz knew the grisha girl could have been already in her room and there was no way to find her before that schooner left.

He felt a shiver in his spine, telling him that she was close, but he didn't know where to look. Right, left, he looked everywhere. People around him looked him worried.

She can't be gone, he kept reapeting in his head like a mantra.

"Came here to bring me back to my father?" a voice said from above him. "How much did he offer to you? Must be a lot to affront a grisha alone."

His heart missed a beat and when he looked over his head he though he might start to believe in saints.

She was there, perched on one of the boom. Her hood was up hiding her face like she always did when she was out of their zone. She was a wanted grisha now, and he felt a grip on his heart at the though that she was used to that life of a runner.

You are not alone anymore, Fire Girl, he though vividly.

"I thought you had decided to leave..." he said. It didn't sound like an apologize at all...Damn Saints, there were a bilions things he wanted to say her, and yet his throat felt dry when he could talk.

"I did." her voice was sharped as a blade and cold as ice.

He gulped, I deserve this. "I know..." He had a flashback of their first conversation at the Crows Club, and cold shivers ran in his blood. I will not make the same mistake twice. "I should have told you who I was since the beginning."

"Maybe if I knew I didn't have to hide my power you could have had your personal inferni sooner." it was his fault. He had let her believe that he wanted her just for her power, but it wasn't true. Kaz Brekker kept her with the Dregs because he couldn't bare the though of her being hurt or threated.

"Could you get off from that boom? Please..." the last word burned in Kaz's throat like fire. It wasn't easy for him to say out loud his feelings, but he knew it would have been the only thing to make her stay. He owed her the truth.

She scoffed and jumped, landing in front of him with the lightness of a feather. Crossing her arms over her chest she studyed him from under her hood, waiting for him to speak first.

You want me sto stay, you have to say it, her posture told him.

"I saw your bags in your room, I though you wanted to leave me, the Dregs. I would understand if it what you wish, but you have to know that I was angry. Angry because I though you didn't trust me. You had just packed all your things without talking to me first, I though...I though you..." said those words Kaz brekker, a voice said in his mind. "I though you used me as a protection, nothing else. And when you showed up in my office I though you were going to say me you were leaving. No question, no mouners."

She stayed silent for a bit, surely surprised by his words. He couldn't see her whole face from his height, and he needed to use all his self control to not take it and push it down.

"The only reason I decided to leave was because my father knew about you. I knew he would have used you against me if I stayed, and I couldn't put you in danger just because I wanted to be selfish." her voice had softened a bit, but it was still sharp as she was ready for any attack from him. "Wylan convinced me that you would have helped me, that you would have been willing to fight for me. But when I come to you, I find Dirtyhands planning my departure. And what I find out? That you kept me under your roof just because you knew I was a grisha."

"It's not true." he stopped her firmly. "I knew you were a grisha, but never in my head I though about using you for your power."

"Then what other reason to keep the truth about our first meeting from me?"

Now it's the moment. Don't let your shame eat you alive, put yourself together and take your Fire Girl back.

"Because I was ashamed of the man I became. Because if you knew who I was you would have seen that the little boy you met eight years ago doesn't exist anymore. You would have seen that I failed you..." saying finally those words after a year left him lighter.

She gasped softly. It's not true, I can still see that little boy right in front me... "No, I failed you. You were a child Kaz, you had no faults. I should've stayed with you."

She could see the surprise on Kaz's face when she spoke those words. She had time to think that morning, at the little boy she left alone in the streets of Ketterdam. The boy who had kept her secrets all those years and never blackmailed her.

"I don't think something would have changed. I chose my path." he said with his raspy voice. How many nights he had dreamt about that moment? When he would finally speak with her, when the little boy and the Fire Girl would meet again.

"Becasue no one was there for you. Beccause you were alone. But if someone would have taken care of you, if someone would have showed you another way, maybe everything would have been different." maybe you would have been different.

She wasn't disappointed in what Kaz had became, she knew that everything he did it was to survive at the Barrel. She was proud that he had found the strengh to fight and live; Y/n would change nothing of the man she had in front of her.

The captain of the schooner announced that they were ready to leave and Y/n took a deep breath. "You should go..."

"Come with me." his mind, his rational part stopped working. There were nothing to brake his tongue. "Eight years ago you asked me if I wanted you to stay with me, and I said no. Today I'm asking you to stay in Ketterdam, with me, with the Crows. We cant-...I can't loose you. Not again."

Her heart started to beat faster like a roller coaster. Was Kaz Brekker the one who was talking in front of her? The Bastard of the Barrel was asking her to stay with him. You are going to put him in danger, a voice in her mind reminded her.

She looked Ketterdam behind him, as she could see her father's house.

Kaz saw the shift in her face's direction, and immediately understood what was thinking that mind of her. He rose a gloved hand in front of him taking her by surprise.

"If you wish to go to Ravka I will not stop you, but if you give me a chance I'll try everyday to be the man worth to stay by your side. And I promise you..." he took a step forward making her gasp. "I promise you we will take down everyone who threat us and we'll make them know the real meaning of the word suffer."

That's the Dirtyhands I fell for, she though smiling brightly. She took his hand firmly feeling his fingers closing around hers. "Just one condition." He raised an eyebrow to say 'continue please'. "Jan Van Eck is mine, and he's not going to die until I say so."

She knew that Kaz wasn't the only one who had changed in those years, and there were no reasons to hide it. The grisha girl who lived in the shadows and the little boy who was scared would never meet again, both had died when the world had turned its back to them. Both had raised like phoenix and became stronger.

"The deal is the deal, Fire Girl." he smirked walking with her toward the berth. The schooner was already leaving and there was a little void between the berth and the schooner, so Kaz squeezed her hand and they both jumped. When their feet touched the berth he didn't notice he was laughing with her. Her hood was over her forehead and he couldn't hold it anymore, he stood in front of her with the steady hands of a magician and gently lowered it, feeling the hurge to see her smile again. "No secrets anymore."

"No secrets anymore." she replied keeping her eyes in his.

It was their promise to start from the beginning. Their past was a beautiful story to remember, but they would fight for their future side by side, and little did she know that for all the time she hadn't spoken with Kaz Brekker, Bastard of the Barrel. But the boy in front of her, with the light of hope in his dark eyes was the normal, simple Kaz Rietveld.

A/N:OH MY GOODNESS WE ARE HERE! This is the end of the story of our lovely, brave Fire Girl and our little, cute Kaz. I think I can cry... This is the chapter that most I love of the series and I think you can see why! Writing it was so emotional and still so easy, I knew from the first moment how I wanted their story to end and how I wanted to write it. I have many ideas for a future book with those two idiots, but in the mean time...would you like a bonus chapter where we are gonna see how they're managing they're "relationship"? Maybe where he tells her his real name...👀 but now tell me, what was the part that you most liked? Would have you made the same decisions as them? MY CHAT AND REQUESTS ARE OPEN SOO I'm gonna wait you there ;)

p.s. : who recognize the scene from an old tv series for young I took ispiration for the fight and the departure? 👀

#kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x grisha #kaz brekker #the crows #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #wylan van eck #matthias helvar #nina zenik #grishaverse #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone #six of crows imagine #six of crows #soc #crooked kingdom #imagine

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midnightstar-90 · 4 years ago

Text

Hidden~ Eddie Diaz x Nash! Reader

A/N: I wanted to add some action, so I moved up when Shannon decided to divorce Eddie. Eddie is too good to make him into a cheater. I'm not really good at describing intimate-type stuff either.

Lose Some, Win Some

Y/N's POV

I am finally home. I'm home with my son, and the school gave me a couple of days to rest. I sat on my couch, watching the news. "Today, police suspect LAFD's 118 for robbing $300,000 worth of cash from a local bank. Police say that the LAFD was there to help the bank manager and a delivery man with a seizure or a possible nerve agent. Police also say that they found the cash inside one of their firetrucks. More information coming up, soon."

After hearing that, I remember the number on one of the firetrucks at the crash. The 118 saved me, and if they saved me, that means that Eddie and my dad are being questioned for a robbery. I haven't known Eddie long, but I know that Eddie, nor my father, would rob a bank.

Zachary walks into the room. "Mommy, I'm ready for bed," my little man says. I turn to him and say, "Ok, I'll be in there in a bit." He runs back to his room.

I hear a knock at the door. It is almost 9:30 pm. Who could be at my door? I go to the door and look through the peephole. Eddie and Christopher stand at the door with a to-go bag.

I open the door, and I say, "Eddie? Chris? what are you doing here?" "I bet you have heard about what is going on. The police have ransacked our house, and I was wondering if you could watch Chris until this blows over?" Eddie asked me desperately.

I smile at the two boys. "Sure. Chris, Zach is in his room getting ready for bed. You can go hang out with him until I get you a bed ready. His room is down the hall, the First door on the left," I tell the little boy, and then turn to Eddie.

He hands me Chris' night bag, and I joke and say, "There better not be any evidence in here." He chuckles, saying, "Nope, no evidence, just clothes, and a toothbrush."

I invite him into my apartment. He walks in and says, "Nice apartment. Is that a skylight?" He points up, at the skylight, in my living room.

(Y/N's Living room /w a skylight)

"Yeah, when Levi died, I would tell Zach that his father was watching him from the stars. So, I decided that anytime we missed Levi, we would watch the stars," I said, trying not to tear up.

Eddie reaches in his pocket and pulls out a picture. "I'm guessing this is Levi?" Eddie asks, handing me the picture. I look at the picture and lose my cool. Eddie sits me on the couch and just hugs me.

This is the closest I've ever been to a man since Levi. It felt good. I felt protected. I don't need protection because I was in the navy, but this man made me feel loved.

We sat on the couch, with me crying into his shirt. "Mommy, aren't you gonna put me to bed?" "Yeah." I get up, heading into my child's room.

Eddie follows me into the room, and what he sees shocks him.

(Zachary's bed)

Christopher is sitting on the bottom bunk of a firehouse bed. The whole room was dedicated to firefighters. When we got in that crash, and he met his grandfather, Zach decided that when he gets older, he would become a firefighter.

Christopher looks at his dad and says, "Dad, Zach said he wants to be like you and uncle Buck when he gets older."

Eddie continues to look around. He walks towards the cubby. Inside the cubby is some of Zach's favorite toys, some pictures of Levi and I, and some pictures of Zach and I. What really caught Eddie's eye, was the picture of Zach on my shoulders, at the El Paso Zoo.

I am tucking the boys in, when I hear, "You were in El Paso?" I look back and say, "Yeah, that was Zach's 2nd birthday. Levi was born in Austin, but he grew up in El Paso." Eddie just nods and goes back to looking around.

As I'm tucking Christopher in he says, "Dad and I are from El Paso. It would have been cool if we met before LA." I smile at the boy, before walking out and turning off the lights.

"We have a lot in common, you know?" Eddie tells me. I look at him and he looks back. "Oh, really?" I ask. Eddie and I move closer to each other. I continue to look at the man and I ask, "Like what?" "Well, for starters, we were both fought for our country." Imagining this man in a military uniform made the moment even hotter. I moved closer. "Ok, and?" "And, we both had a son at a young age."

At this point, he was towering over me. I quickly pulled the man into a kiss. He kisses back. I move my hands from my side to his chest, and he grabs my hips. He deepens the kiss as I move my hands from his chest to his neck. I feel strong hands go under my shirt.

We keep making out for a couple of minutes until I pull back. "I'm so sorry. I forgot you married," I say frantically. "She told me she wasn't ready. She filed for divorce. I also didn't feel like our relationship was working. She left us when Chris was little. I kinda like this hot teacher, who was in the Navy and has a son. Also, she knows about being a firefighter." Eddie tells me, holding my hands.

I kiss Eddie again. Eddie and I head to my room, without breaking the kiss. That night was the best night in forever. Everyone got a sleepover.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The robbery thing has been put behind us, but a new problem has arrived. My father didn't tell the LAFD everything about why he transferred, therefore leaving him suspended. He hasn't told me either, but I think it is best to let him come to me about it.

I started work again today, except I feel like I'm looking after 3 kids. My dad insisted that we hang out, you know since he wasn't there for most of my life.

I wake up at 5 am to a large banging noise. I look to see who it is, and surprise surprise, it is my father with tons of groceries. "Dad, what are you doing here. Zach is still asleep, and I don't have to be up till 7 am." I tell my dad, letting him in.

He heads to my kitchen and sits down the food. "I was thinking that I could make you and Zach breakfast, and then I could take you to work."

I gave my father a loving look. I feel bad that his past came back to haunt him, but maybe something good will come out of it. Besides, I missed the father/daughter bonding we had. Eddie told me his food is at grade A chef level, so why not let him cook for me.

"Well I love what you're doing, but I'm missing sleep. If it's fine with you, could I go back to sleep?" I ask, and receive a nod back. I walk to my room, but I turn back to check upon him. I know he's sad, but at this moment he looks happy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up at 7 am to a heavenly smell. I walk into the kitchen, after remembering my dad was making breakfast. As leave the hallway to see my son and father talking about firefighting. I smile, and my dad turns to face me.

"Ah, you're awake! I woke up Zach and got him dressed for you." my dad says taking a bite of the french toast. I go into the kitchen and make myself some food. I see french toast, fresh fruit, bacon, eggs, and freshly squeezed orange juice. I look amazed as I take some of everything.

My dad works up the courage to ask me a question, "I was wondering if you wanted to stop by the firehouse, like old times. I have some people I would like you to meet." With my mouth full, I say, "Yeah, I missed those days" "Oh man, mommy is breaking a rule. She is talking with her mouth full," Zach says to the man next to him.

Dad laughs. "Well I ate, but I have to get dressed." I head to my room to get dressed.

(Y/N's outfit to work)

I walk back into the living room and we get ready to head out. We make it to the school, and I say goodbye to my father. I take Zach to class. I get to the office and I see Eddie and Chris. "Hey, I was just hanging with your fire captain." "Well, can you tell him we want him back because his replacement is terrible?" I laugh.

"So, are you coming to the firehouse?" Eddie asked me like he knew my dad would ask me. I give the firefighter a suspicious look and then say, "Yeah, my dad asked me this morning. Would you like me to bring Chris?" He gives me a "yeah, sure", and then we say goodbye.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christopher and I had so much fun. We were in math, and I helped teach him fractions with mini Kit-Kats. Then, in English, we acted out storytime with his class. The day ended in science, where we build and erupted our own volcanos.

It is the end of the day, some and of the boys waited outside for my father. When he arrived, we got in and started heading towards the fire station, which was only a 5-minute drive.

We walk into the 118's fire station, and Zach went off. A scream could be heard throughout the whole building. All the firefighters and paramedics stopped to see what was going on. My dad walked up to me and said, "Just like his mother."

Eddie and another man walked down the stairs to see what was happening. I smile at the majestic man walking towards me. We go into a hug before I hear a cough.

"Eddie, aren't you gonna introduce me to the pretty lady," the man asked Eddie. I smile at the man, but Eddie and my dad roll their eyes. My dad jumps into the conversation, "Buck, this is my daughter, Y/N, and her son, Zach. Y/N, this is Buck."

Buck and I shake hands. "My name is actually Evan Buckley, but everyone calls me Buck. You are somewhat of what Eddie has told me. Your pretty, but I expected a younger Bobby, with boobs." Eddie smacks Buck's chest.

I'm laughing and I head upstairs with the others. "Mommy! Mommy! Can I go down the fire pole," Zach asks, tugging on my pant leg? I nod my head yes.

Another man and woman walk over and sit with us in the lounge. "Why is there a little boy running around? Did someone drop him off, because I think your only supposed to do that with babies, not children," the man said, sitting right next to me. "That's my son. I'm Y/N." I hold out my hand waiting for the man to shake it. "I'm Howie, but everyone calls me Chimney. This is Hen," The man says, and the woman waves.

We continue to talk until the emergency bell rings. Everyone heads downstairs, but I pull Eddie back. I give him a long kiss, with my arms around his neck and his around my waist.

I pull back and say, "I had fun the other night. Maybe, I could see if my dad could watch the boys, and you and I could maybe have dinner at my house." Eddie groans and says, "Oh, how I would love that. We could also watch a movie."

This man will be the death of me. "Yeah, but you need to go." Eddie runs off to an emergency, I head to the store with my dad, Christopher, and Zachary.

"You know, you don't have to hide Eddie from me," He tells me. I look at him shocked. "I see the way you guys look at each other, and I saw you guys kiss today," he says calmly.

"Well, since you know could you help me make a meal for him and I tonight, and can you watch the boys?" I practically beg. He nods, and then he moves towards the isles, picking out ingredients.

"I don't want to intrude, so I will give you a recipe card. But yes, I will take the boys, just use protection. I don't want to see another grandchild for a while," he says, earning a smack on the chest from me. "There are children around," I whisper.

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My dad gave me a recipe for Ravioli, served with garlic bread and bacon-wrapped asparagus. I am almost finished cooking when I hear a knock.

(Y/N's Date Outfit)

I open the door to see a devastated Eddie. I go in to hug him, and Eddie says, "She's dead. Shannon died in the emergency room. That call we left for, that was for her. What am I gonna tell Christopher."

I welcome the man in, and I sit him on the couch. "Do you want to eat?" I ask, hoping that I could get him to relax and eat. "No" is all I hear, before he shoves his face into my shoulder, and lets it all out. I rub his back and say, "Everything will be fine."

We sit there, on the couch, just cuddling. I smell something burning. My eyes widen and I yell, "My bread!"

Eddie's mind comes back to earth and he heads towards the kitchen. Not only is the bread burnt, but there was also a slight fire. Eddie quickly grabbed the fire extinguisher and put out the fire.

I was so scared. Eddie saved me from a fire. At the moment, I forgot all about the food, Eddie's emotions, and everything else. I kissed Eddie out of thankfulness. We kissed for about a minute before he pulled away.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that, with everything going on. I was scared. I could've just stood there and let the fire grow, but no, you saved me. You are m-" Eddie cut me off with a kiss.

Eddie picked me up and took me to my room. He laid me on my bed, and next thing you know, our clothes are off.

Taglist: @notanordinaryprincess95 @jjpogueprincess @wiypt-writes

#eddie diaz #christopher diaz #bobby nash #athena grant #maddie buckley #howie han #henrietta wilson #evan buckley #eddie diaz x reader #x daughter!reader #x reader #fanfic #wattpad #911onfox #bobby nash x reader #chimney han #buck buckley #series

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moonmoonthecrabking · 2 years ago

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every so often i remember "skills" which was this thing my school introduced when i was like 13 that replaced scripture half the time for students in years 7-9. i thought this was fucking stupid because of something something state religion guidelines and everyone vehemently hated the concept. AND THEN they introduced "skills" 6/10 weeks a term and it made me want to commit arson. they were theoretically teaching us about "study skills" (which we had heard before and we not at all helpful) and "growth mindset" (my school was so focussed on growth mindset at the time it was hell and that was with the least growth mindset teacher it was nuts). these activities had very "don't be anxious" energy to children who were struggling with their mental health and teaching use language concepts we should have learnt in english class. thanks, i hate it.

so they were cycled in our "core classes" (the group of 30 we had for english, science, history/geography, and pdhpe). my class' first week was with the school's principal. you think this would be reasonable right? right? wrong. she taught us about "left brain and right brain". this was genuinely less accurate than the bo burnham song. it was some bullshit about which side is bigger and how you can tell which you are using your fingernails and are you more logical and creative.

here's what i find interesting. when i graduated, the school had a focus on "high potential learners" (i played egg shakers at the open day so i heard her 10 minute long speech). this was also at a time that there was a big risk of the top-level music class not running. i personally believe that logic and creativity are inextricably linked. you may not find the artistry in maths or science or economics, but there are people who do. you may not find the rationale behind paintings or songs or design, but there are people who do. logic and creativity are not contradictory. however, if you don't support the arts in schools, if you don't pay attention to the studies that indicate how playing an instrument improves mental function, if you don't see to how logic and creativity play into each other, what then?

i in no way hate my former principal, she was a lovely person and i do believe that she cared for her students. that being said, we aren't really two. we are wholly ourselves, and you can't suppress one part without it effecting the other. the less we valued the arts (and mental health but that's a whole other fucking story), the more our state ranks dropped.

logic and creativity matter. mental health matters. that's the moral of this story.

#high schoolers good luck #you can get through it #long post #vent #random rant #high school #arts matter #genuinely no hate to my principal she was trying her best but may have been a little misguided #and i graduated a week ago so she's still working at it #as far as i know this will be in place for our next year #but this was borne out of so much i need to let go of from my high school #i know that running a school is hard. but it was a system that didn't seem to suit our best interests #the arts particularly drama and music grew undervalued despite being a major drawing point for our school #any study advice we got in big assemblies didnt acknowledge that some of us have no motivation #because you know depression anxiety grief #all the good things

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pinoy-culture · 4 years ago

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before I ask my question, I just wanted to say thank you so so so much for keeping up your blog and consistently giving out information where its readily accessible!!!

maybe this will make me sound like an idiot but to preface, I’m a mixed filipino american. My mom is filipino and some chinese and my dad is some sort of european and puerto rican. i was wondering, in your opinion, do you think it’d be okay for me (eventually) work with diwata and anitos? And how can I start? Ive been trying to communicate with my ancestors and I’ve been looking for books to one day buy (im extremely broke so your blog and any filipino witches i come across is all the info i can get) but i honestly have no clue where to start other than with my ancestors (weird dreams lately but nothing ancestor related i think). i took a DNA test as a gift and it pointed, predominantly, to the Western Visayas so im assuming i should study more on pre-colonial Bisayan culture (my lolas from iloilo so it makes sense i guess) but i also know that “blood quantum” is a colonizer concept so i dont wanna rely on it too much :/ sorry to ramble but pls help lol

First, I'd like to say thank you for following the blog! It really does mean a lot to me to hear from others over the years on how much my blogs have helped them learn about our history and culture.

Now as for working with our diwata and the anito, that is completely ok. The whole blood quantum thing among some Filipinos I honestly don't agree with. As long as you have a family member who is Filipino, you are Filipino regardless of your "percentage" and of how you look. If you have Filipino blood in you, the ancestors are there with you. Even if you weren't raised within Filipino culture or a Filipino household because your parents never brought you up in it, or you are an adoptee like some I've met over the years. Your ancestors are your ancestors regardless. They see you and know you and that is all that matters.

Now there really isn't any book focused specifically on reviving our precolonial beliefs and practices. Yes, some did survive and some even blended in with a form of Folk Christianity in the Philippines. You can see many of the older practices and beliefs still alive, but they have been replaced with Catholic imagery and Saints.

But, in regards actually believing in and worshiping our old deities, doing rituals dedicated to the deity, or even some rites of passage like the Tagalog first menstruation rite of passage, or making carved figures dedicated to the diwata and anito, or performing maganito/paganito or atang to the diwata and anito, majority of Filipinos don't do this, or even know it.

So for being an Anito Reconstructionist, which is a label I personally use for my spiritual beliefs and others have adopted, there really isn't a book for it. A Reconstructionist in other ethnic spiritual paths, such as the Celtic, Roman, Aztec, Kemetic, Greek, Norse, etc., are those who look at historical records to try and piece together what was once practiced and believed in prior to Christianity. Over many years, these different spiritual paths have eventually come together, formed a community, and have resources like books and teachers. They have had the time to do all the research and put together a more formal spirituality based on those Pre-Christian beliefs and bringing it to the modern day where they have hundreds to thousands of people who have gone back to those beliefs. With some, they have even created temples, shrines to their deities, and even have celebrations.

Unfortunately that is not the case for us. However, due to the growing interest in our precolonial beliefs and practices over the years, I can see Anito Reconstructionism growing within the next several years. It already has, with many people actually trying to learn more about these beliefs and our old deities. The amount of people of people I've seen and talked to who have expressed their interest to reclaim these precolonial beliefs and practices is nothing compared to 10 years ago when it was hard to even find one or two people who did.

It is why I've been writing this book for a few years now dedicated to helping others in wanting to reclaim our precolonial beliefs and practices as a starting point in their research. For now though, I always recommend those who are starting to simply just read the historical texts. Grab a notebook and write down notes. Organize your notes into deities, rituals, how to make an offering, any prayers to a specific deity, how to set up an altar, etc.

Seeing as your family is from the island of Panay in the Western Bisayas, like my moms side are from, I would start with looking at the Bisayan precolonial beliefs and practices. A really good reference is reading Francisco Alcina's History of the Bisayans (1668). Volume 3 is available online in English which you can find here. Volume 3 goes into a lot of detail in the beliefs and practices. The Boxer Codex, if you are able to get a copy of the English translation, is also really good reading material.

Getting Started:

In terms of getting started, keep in mind that there is no one monolithic belief system or practice in the Philippines. Before there ever was a Philippines, we were different nations with different beliefs and practices. It is important to know your ethnic groups beliefs and practices and know their history. For example, I am Bisaya (Akeanon specifically) and Tagalog and that is what I work with. Others who I know follow the Bikolano, Kapampangan, or Ilokano beliefs. Though there are some similarities, each ethnic group had their own set beliefs and practices.

I often tell people that you can't just mix and match between them. For example, though I work with both the Tagalog and Bisayan pantheons, I wouldn't dare do a ritual offering to both a Tagalog or Bisayan deity at the same time. It's always separate. You also can't combine 2 similar deities together from different ethnic groups just because they share similar attributes. It's just rude and disrespectful.

Start out small. Set up an altar dedicated to your ancestors. If you have any family members who have passed, put a photo of them on the altar. Leave offerings of rice cakes such as suman, food like chicken adobo, or even a cup of drink such as tuba, lambanog, or even Red Horse beer. But if you can't get access to an alcoholic drink either because one you are a minor or 2 it's not available where you live, you can simply replace it with a non-alcoholic drinks like coconut juice. Get a coconut shell or a seashell to either place these offerings as bowls/plates or even use them to put your kamangyan or incense.

Then start researching how our Bisayan ancestors worshiped and practiced. Study the history and read historical accounts, books, and articles about them. Write down what you have learned on these precolonial beliefs and practices and reconstruct or revive them. This is what Polytheistic Recinstructionists do. I have listed links to these texts here.

Ask questions to your family, particularly your elders. See if they know of anything or if they can share some traditional practices and beliefs they know of have heard of. You would be surprised how, despite some families being really religious, many still believe in the spirits, do some form of ancestor veneration, believe in omens that are being told to you by the ancestors or spirits, etc.

If you can, try to go back to the Philippines and see your family's ancestral home, see where they grew up, etc. Ask about family stories and folk stories. For example, my mom grew up in Aklan and has always told me stories of the aswang and certain omens. She also constantly talks about the mischievous "little people" who play tricks on you (for example putting something down like your keys and then it goes missing, until you find it again somewhere else). In the Western Bisayas, they are known as kama-kama. There is also a story of how her grandmother's cat visited her during her wake. The cat was missing for years, but it came back and stayed sleeping on top of the casket for days before it left. My mom told me that it was the cat paying their respects to her grandmother.

Keep in mind also and acknowledge our indigenous communities who have kept their beliefs and practices. Don't try to take them into your own. I have seen people cherry pick things from the Manobo of Mindanao or the Kalinga in the Cordillera, which is just disrespectful. Many of the IP, though some still have kept their beliefs, it isn't the most important aspect to them. What they are most concerned about are other issues such as losing their homes due to occupation by oil or logging companies, other settlers such as the Tagalog and Bisayans (especially in Mindanao), getting targeted as "rebels" by the Philippine military and often getting killed. But, by cherry picking beliefs especially of the IP groups, it's just disrespectful.

I will be teaching classes on Anito Reconstructionism soon and will have my first class possibly at the end of the month or next month. I decided to do these classes seeing as there is a growing community who are interested, but don't know where to start. I'll be doing a proper announcement on these classes real soon so look out for the announcement and hopefully you will be able to join!

#filipino #diwata #anito #anito reconstructionist #polytheist #polytheism #precolonial philippines #faq #question #long post

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bl597 · 5 years ago

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Could you write a Fred Weasley imagine where he likes the reader but she’s Ron’ best friend along with Harry’s and Hermione. And he doesn’t want that because if there were to break up, he would have to pick a side. And he doesn’t want to pick between his brother and best friend.

hello, dear! 💞💞 of course i can!! hope you enjoy it and please forgive me for taking so long to post it!!

warnings: hell yes I finally finished it!! it's agnsty but a little fluffy I guess, fem!reader but nothing that could change the story (you can replace it with male/gender neutral pronouns), reader's the same age as the golden trio, not revised bc im lazy, english is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes!! requests are closed for a while!

my masterlist ♡

Ron had noticed it all before even you knew it; the way you and Fred looked at each other longer than friends should look at each other. Or how a blush painted both your faces whenever you were in the same room. Or how you always flirted. Or how you wouldn't shut up about each other for one bloody second. Or just how in love you seemed to be.

He hated it, honestly. You were his best friend and Fred was his brother, it was weird to even think about it. Besides, he didn't want it all to begin because if there is a break up, he would be forced to pick a side, and that was definitely not something he wanted to do.

The Yule Ball was a few months away and Fred had already tried to talk to Ron about asking you to go with him, and Ron always tried to find an excuse to avoid his brother. How was he supposed to say he wouldn't help him without looking like an idiot?

“You should tell him” he heard Hermione's voice as she entered the common room with you, both of you giggling.

“I think I'll just wait a little” you quietly said, sitting down in front of Harry and Ron. “Hi, boys”

“Hello” said Harry looking up from his Charms homework and smiling at you and Mione, who smiled back at the boy.

“Hi” Ron pushed the parchment and books aside with a loud groan, cursing Snape and Potions with all his heart and then turned to you two with furrowed brows. “What are you two talking about?”

Hermione giggled, wiggling her eyebrows at you with a small smirk while placing a book on top of the table and opening it. “(Y/n) is waiting for Freddie to ask her to the Yule Ball” she replied in a playful tone, which made you slap her armp lightly.

“What?!” Ron exclaimed, ears as red as his hair.

Everyone looked at him with a censorship look and his face became even redder as he apologized to the other people on the common room. He then looked at you again, eyes wide in surprise.

Okay, he did know you and Fred had feelings for each other, but he didn't think any of you would actually act on it. Hadn't Fred give up after all those miserable attempts to ask for Ron's opinion on how he should ask you out? Of course not, Fred doesn't give up so easily, Ron thought, mentally facepalming himself with a silent groan.

“Why Fred? There are a lot of other cool boys in the castle” he said in an almost accusing tone, which mad you frown. “I bet a lot of boys had asked you out already, you should go with one of them”

“I mean,” you shyly started, an almost invisible blush painting your cheeks “Finch-Fletchley had asked me to go to the Ball with him, but I said I needed to think about it and then I'd tell him.”

“Bullshit” Hermione added chuckling “You only said that because you were waiting for a certain redheaded Gryffindor to ask you out.”

You blushed a deep shade of red at her commentary, playfully rolling your eyes and she smirked. “Oh, hush, Granger”

“What are we doing?” Harry confusedly asked, almost running so he could catch Ron, who was going somewhere with heavy footsteps, ears red like their robes.

“Trying to find Fred” he replied and Harry almost didn't hear him, the noise in the corridors making it almost impossible to hear him.

Harry didn't ask anything else, deciding it would be better to just silently follow his best friend and see what he was up to. They didn't stop walking until they reached the Great Hall, where the twins and Lee Jordan were excitedly talking about a new prank.

“Fred Weasley!” he shouted, getting the attention of some other students that were calmly eating, now looking at him with furrowed brows. Harry quietly apologized to them before following Ron to were his brothers and Lee were.

“Hello, brother dearest. What do I own the honour of your visit?” Fred asked with a cheeky smile, drinking his pumpkin juice while looking at Ron, waiting for him to speak.

“You come with me. Now.” he said rather coldly, which made Fred get confused. They quietly left the Great Hall, leaving Harry, George and Lee curiously following them with their eyes as they disappeared from the Hall.

The two redheads kept walking around the castle's corridors, trying to find a place that wasn't occupied by the students. Ron stopped walking when he saw an empty corridor, and he quickly dragged Fred inside it with him, turning around to the older boy with arched brows and a I-know-all-your-sins look.

“I know what you're planning, and that won't happen” Ron finally said, crossing his arms over his chest “You won't ask (Y/n) to go to the Ball with you, okay?”

Then it all clicked on Fred's mind, a smirk immediately forming itself on his lips. “Awn, is Ickle Ronniekins jealous?” he mocked his younger brother, even though there was a hint of jealousy on his own voice.

“What? No!” Ron exclaimed, a blush painting his face and neck, the tip of his ears feeling and looking like it was on fire. “She's my best friend. And that's the problem”

“So, you want to ask her out?” Fred asked quietly whilst crossing his arms over his chest, proping up on the wall next to him. “You know I fancy her for a while, mate”

“Bloody hell! I do not want to ask her out!” Ron groaned, looking at Fred like it was the most obvious thing in the world “I just don't want you to do it, because then you two would start dating and I don't want that because if you two break up, I have to pick up a side, and I don't want to lose my brother or my best friend!”

Ron finally exploded, saying what was bothering him for the past months, and it felt like all the weight on his shoulders magically disappeared. He never felt so light like right now, it was a fantastic feeling. Fred was looking at him in shock, eyes wide open at his brother's words.

“Oh” was all Fred could say, his shoes suddenly being the most interesting thing he could lay his eyes on at the moment.

“Yeah” Ron replied quietly, an awkward silence between the two Weasleys, none of them knowing what to do or say right now. Ron then cleared his throat, getting Fred's attention. “I should go back now, Harry has lots of practice to do for the next task. Hm, see you around”

“You did what?!” Hermione incredulously asked, homework soon forgotten. You shushed her, trying to make her remember you were in the library. “Sorry, sorry. But why did you do that?” she finished her question, talking quieter than before.

“I said I'll go to the Ball with Justin” you shrugged as if it was nothing, turning your attention back to the piece of parchment in front of you, dipping the quill on the ink and continuing your essay about the Bezoar and its properties.

“But why? Weren't you planning on asking Fred?”

“Yeah, but the Ball is in two weeks and he already has a partner. Besides, Justin is cute, I should give him a chance, maybe” you simply replied, still focused on your essay.

She looked at you with furrowed brows, but decided not to say anything else and do her homework instead.

The night was fantastic, the Great Hall was decorated with beautiful winter ornaments, and a baby blue was painting the walls and tables. The students were gracefully dancing with their partners and even the teachers were dancing too. It all looked magical and like it just came straight from a fairytale.

“May I have this dance, Miss (Y/l/n)?” asked Justin playfully, extending his hand for you to take it and you gladly did with a smile.

“Yes, you may, Mr Finch-Fletchley” you replied, letting him lead you to the dance floor.

This song was slower than the last one, which meant you'd have to be closer to each other. He shyly placed his hand on your hip after asking if you were comfortable with that, taking your right hand in his as you placed your left one on his shoulder. You then started slow dancing to the song on the background, the other couples doing the same on the Hall.

It was nice to spend time with him, you two surprisingly had a lot of things in common and the silence between you two wasn't awkward or weird, it was actually nice and comfortable, but something was missing.

He didn't make fun remarks about professor Snape's I-was-forced-to-be-here face, or jokes about Ron awkwardly dancing with Padma Patil, or about anything else. He was amazing, but he wasn't Fred.

You felt bad for accepting going out with Justin as a 'second option', but it was not like you were using him.. right? Fred was going with someone else, so you found other person to go with. It's fair, right? Besides, it could happen anyways; not everything in life happens the way we all want to, or else it would be really boring. Shrugging those thoughts out of your head, you focused on your partner again, moving your body with his as you two danced the night away.

It was around midnight when the students started leaving the Great Hall, and you were one of those students. You were planning on going to your dorm and sleep like a baby until tomorrow, but decided against it and went to the courtyard, where a very few people were.

The night breeze was cold and the snow was adorning the ground and shrubs around the courtyard. The sky was dark and the stars were brightly shining on it, the moonlight illuminating all the place. It was a very lovely night.

You then caught sight of a small bench away from the kissing teenagers and headed to it, brushing the snow out of it before sitting down. You were just enjoying the fresh air after being at the Ball for the last hours. It's not like you didn't like it, it was the total opposite of it, you loved the night and the Ball was perfect, you just needed some time away from the crowd.

“Shouldn't you be at your dorm?” you heard a very familiar voice from behind you, which made you jump a little, quickly looking at the voice's owner with a smile.

It was Fred. He was still wearing the clothes he wore earlier, his hair was covering half of his face, but it was still clear he was with a silly smile on his lips. That made you smile too.

“Shoudn't you be at your dorm?” you replied with his own question, raising a brow at his with a small smirk.

“Now you got me” he joked, sitting down next to you on the bench. “Didn't feel like sleeping yet. You?”

“Same” you quietly said, looking at the night sky. “So, where's Angelina?”

“At the Gryffindor common room, I guess” he replied after a little while, turning to look at you. “And where's Finch-Fletchley?” his voice carried a bit of annoyance at the mention of the Hufflepuff boy's name.

“Dancing with a Beauxbatons girl” you giggled as you remembered Justin clumsily dancing with a girl who was taller than him “He really has lots of energy and I was tired of dancing, so he kind of found another partner”

He nodded quietly, still focused on you. You flushed red when you noticed he had been watching you for a few minutes, suddenly feeling your cheeks burning under his deep stare.

“You know, we learnt how to read the stars in Astronomy” Fred spoke with a serious expression, and you turned all your attention to him, eager to hear the rest. It was no surprise you always loved Astronomy and were more than excited to learn more and more about it. “And these starts are telling me something, something really important”

You gasped, eyes widened as you attentively listened to every word that left his mouth. “What is it, Freddie?”

He inched closer to you, to the point where your noses were almost touching and your breath hitched, anxiously awaiting for his answer while trying your hardest not to blush even more because of how close his lips were to yours.

“They say you should kiss me.” he said with a cheeky smile, watching in amusement as your face became redder than his hair. “The stars never lie”

With a confident smirk, you closed the gap between you two, softly placing your lips on his in a short peck that soon became an actual kiss, your mouths moving in sync with each other, tongues gracefully dancing together inside your mouths as your hands flew to his face, cupping his cheeks in order to deepen the kiss.

You pulled apart minutes later, gasping for air. Both your faces were a shade of dark pink, both from the kiss and from the freezing breeze assaulting your bodies. You could still feel the ghost of Fred's soft lips hovering over yours, and it was a deliciously confusing feeling. The kiss made you feel warm inside and it lit things up on you that made you feel happy and light.

But at the same time, it just felt so wrong to do it. It was like a guilty pleasure, even though you didn't exactly know why you felt guilty. Maybe it was because you two already had partners and it would be a little unfair of your parts to do it? Or maybe was it because deep down you knew it just felt wrong because kissed your best friend's brother? You couldn't really point out what was it, but it left a weird feeling inside your chest.

“I'm sorry” you said in a weak voice, barely over a whisper. What exactly you were apologizing for you didn't know, but it felt like the right thing to do at the moment.

“I wanted to ask you to go to the Ball with me” he quietly admitted and you frowned at him.

“Why didn't you do it then?”

“I promised Ron I wouldn't” you opened your mouth to ask why, but he continued speaking “He said that if we start dating and then break up, he would have to choose between you and me, and he doesn't want that. I felt like it would be a little selfish of me if I asked you out after he told me that, so I came with Angelina.”

Oh. So that was why Ron was acting weird when Hermione mentioned you going out with Fred. You couldn't blame him for it, I mean, you would feel the same if one of your best friends started dating your brother or sister. It was weird to feel like this.

But, wasn't it a little bit selfish of Ron? Like, okay, he doesn't want to pick a side, but doesn't he want you to be happy? What if the relationship lasts for a long time? What if you don't break up and actually be happy with each other? You wouldn't know, because Ron was afraid of the 'what if they break up' part. It actually angered you a little bit.

“What if it goes fine, Fred?” your question finally broke the silence, voice soft and weak as it left your mouth. His eyes turned to you, his warm brown eyes examining every detail of your face. “We wouldn't know because we didn't even try.”

“We could try” he said, a genuine small smile on his lips as he took your hands in his, squeezing them softly in a reassuring way.

“Let's talk about this tomorrow, okay? It's already late” you replied quietly, giving his cheek a kiss before getting up. “Good night, Freddie.”

And then you headed to inside the castle to go to your common room, leaving Fred sitting there alone. You felt bad for leaving right now, but you just needed to think about it and sleep. You could talk about it in the morning.

taglist ♡

@bwitchd @fific7 @iamak20 @msmimimerton @grierpilots @idontknowwhatthisisfam @imseeinggred @kashishwrites @tsuukichan @mischiefsemimanaged @just-a-dreamer23

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freedomseeker91 · 4 years ago

Text

Browsing through the shelves, Chloe picked up a couple of different boxes of cereal and placed them in the cart, neatly organising all of her items into categories for easy packing at checkout.

As she strolled along she glanced down at her vacant ring finger, the strange feeling of emptiness still niggling at her. Beca had said something about getting their rings professionally cleaned by some company Aubrey had suggested to keep them in good condition and had begrudgingly parted with them on the promise they would be back by the weekend.

Turning down towards the next aisle she perused through the fridges to find her usual go to milk. Full fat for Beca and Riley, almond milk for Chloe and Charlie.

It was amusing to her that even though Riley was biologically Chloe’s and Charlie was biologically Beca’s, that the girls had still somehow inherited particular tastes from the opposite parent.

It warmed Chloe’s heart. While Riley and Charlie were technically half sisters, having been conceived using the same sperm donor, it always intrigued Chloe to think about what connections they would develop with their daughters once they arrived.

A small part of Chloe had worried that the lack of a biological connection would hinder them somehow. But after talking to some colleagues she knew at the high school who had adopted she realised that, biology was just science.

It didn’t matter whose blood each child carried or whether or not they were even birthed by either woman, what mattered was that they were loved so dearly.

Parenthood wasn’t about genetics it was about giving a child all the nurturing they deserved. Giving them a home they could feel safe in.

When Chloe held Charlie for the first time, she felt the same overwhelming feeling she felt the day she gave birth to Riley. That feeling of knowing she would do anything possible to protect her kids and no one other than her wife would love them more than her.

Watching them grow and develop learned behaviours or personality traits from either parent just further proved to Chloe that when it came to parenting nurture would always trump nature.

As she continued down the fridge section for anything else she may need, she found herself coming to a grinding halt when her cart collided with another.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” She stated, looking up to find an attractive looking man staring back at her. A charming smile on his face as he waved off her apology.

“Please, it was my fault, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” he responded, hand on his chest as he spoke. He glanced around him and then turned back to Chloe with a curious look on his face.

“You wouldn’t happen to know where the household cleaning products are would you? I just moved here and this store is like a never ending maze so I’m kind of lost,” he said with a small chuckle. Chloe grinned and gestured over her shoulder.

“Oh, yeah, if you take the next left and go down about three aisles you’ll find it on the right,” Chloe smiled, returning her hand to rest on the cart. The man continued to smile at her, a sparkle in his eye.

“I’m Kyle,” he said, sticking his hand out for her to shake and she reciprocated.

“Chloe, it’s nice to meet you,” she replied.

For the next several minutes, they conversed about Kyles move, what brought him to the area and it was then that a lightening bolt went off in Chloe’s head.

“Wait you’re Mr. Parker? The new History teacher?” She asked, having heard through the grapevine about a replacement that had been found for the departing Mr. Reynolds. Kyle grinned and raised his hands in surrender.

“Guilty as charged. I take it you work at the school?” He asked, lowering his hands. Chloe tipped her head.

“Yeah I’m one of the English teachers,” She replied.

Kyle stood there for a moment, looking like he was weighing up whatever was on his mind when he lifted a hand to rub at the back of his neck.

“Hey, I know we just met but, do you maybe wanna go grab a coffee?” He asked.

Chloe’s mouth bobbed up and down as she realised Kyle was shooting his shot with her. Luckily the moment was broken by the sound of little feet dashing towards her.

“Mommy I got the baga- bag- I got the big rolls,” Riley declared, lifting up on her tip toes to raise the two baguettes up to her mother.

Chloe chuckled at Riley’s attempts at pronouncing the word she knew she needed but couldn’t quite get out before accepting the rolls.

“Thanks Ry-Ry,” Chloe beamed as another little lightening rocket came toddling along. Charlie’s little running feet were growing in fast and since she learned to move faster there was no stopping her.

“Mommm,” Charlie muttered around her pacifier, a bag of smaller little roles in her hand. Charlie collided with Chloe’s legs and raised the bag up just like her sister and Chloe accepted the bag, depositing it in the cart.

“Thanks Baby,” Chloe giggled, leaning down and picking Charlie up who was giving her hand signals that she wanted off her feet.

Kyle glanced back and forth between Chloe and the two little girls.

“Oh, you... have... kids,” he slowly stuttered out, his brows raised in surprise.

Chloe couldn’t help but bite down on her lower lip to suppress the amused grin that was threatening to break loose.

“Yeah,” she replied, “this is Riley,” she said gesturing down to the little girl hanging off the edge of the cart, “and this is Charlie,” she gestured to the toddler in her arms.

Kyle just grinned a little, obviously trying to hide his surprise before shaking his head and setting himself back into charm offensive mode again.

“They’re adorable. Clearly they take after Mom,” he replied.

Chloe pulled her lips into a thin line, eyebrows raised as she nodded her head and smiled politely. Clearly the guy needed a direct clarification on Chloe’s status. Luckily, it arrived in the form of her wife wheeling herself towards them, a six pack of beer and a bottle of wine resting on her lap.

“Well I guess we know who won the let’s find Mommy race,” Beca grinned at her daughters as she rolled to a stop, placing the items in her lap into the cart.

“How about next time we don’t run off on Mama on our own huh bug,” Beca said as she gently pinched Riley’s side, “you too missy,” she said gesturing with her finger towards Charlie.

Chloe saw this as an opportunity to make a very clear statement as she swooped down and pressed her lips to Beca’s.

“Hey babe,” Chloe greeted as she stood up straight, “this is Kyle. He just moved here he’s the new history teacher at the school. Kyle, this is my wife, Beca.”

Beca, still momentarily dazed by the kiss, snapped back to reality and turned her attention and her chair towards the man standing nearby.

“Oh you’re the dude taking over from ‘Bore Man Reynolds,” Beca remarked as she lifted her hand for Kyle to shake, which he reciprocated, before turning his attention back to Chloe.

“Oh, your wife,” he said, a touch of surprise. Beca, clueless to the previous exchange, simply glanced up at her wife with a loving look on her face.

“I know right. I totally lucked out with this one,” Beca responded winking at Kyle who chuckled nervously.

Chloe reached a hand down and lovingly cupped the back of her wife’s neck, her thumb swiping across it in a gentle manner.

“I’m the lucky one,” she smiled at Beca before glancing back up at Kyle, the look of resignation finally creeping in as his shoulders lowered and he gave both women a tight lipped grin.

“Well, it was nice meeting you both. I look forward to working with you Chloe,” he said before giving a small wave and continuing down the aisle. Both women watching him leave.

“I’ll give him one thing, that guy is gonna be a another piece of eye candy for the school,” Beca muttered as she turned her chair to face the direction Chloe had the shopping cart aimed. The redhead furrowed her brow in question.

“Another? Why who else has been catching your eye at the local high school?” Chloe queried as she placed Charlie into the toddler seat in the cart and Beca gazed up at the ceiling.

“Oh there’s this one chick, teaches English, suuuuuuper hot. Beautiful big blue eyes and gorgeous red hair. She wears these pencil skirts sometimes that really show off the definition and tone of her legs. Think you could get me her number?” Beca asked and Chloe chuckled as she leaned down again.

“Oh I could do more than get you her number,” Chloe whispered as she pressed a kiss to Beca’s lips. The moment was interrupted when Riley plopped herself in her Mama’s lap and pulled Beca’s face away from Chloe.

“Mom’s stop kissing,” Riley groaned and both women giggled before setting off for the checkout aisle.

One the family arrived home and Riley and Charlie suitably occupied with cartoons on the tv, Chloe divulged the full context of her conversation with Kyle to her wife who sat in front of her with a raised eyebrow.

“Wait, he hit on you?” Beca exclaimed, as she picked up the various different cereal boxes, placed them on her lap and wheeled over to the appropriate cabinet. Chloe giggled.

“Hit on me and asked me out for coffee,” the redhead replied, shaking her head at the notion of it all.

Beca huffed out a ‘huh’ as she packed away the cereal and then manoeuvred back over towards the island where Chloe was unpacking more groceries. Reaching out Beca grabbed Chloe’s hand and gazed up at her with a raised brow.

“I knew my wife was hot but damn. I didn’t think I’d have to worry about losing you to the new hot History teacher,” Beca sassed and Chloe shook her head in amusement as she allowed Baca to link both of their hands, Chloe giving them a squeeze as she lowered herself in Beca’s lap.

“If there’s one thing I’m certain of in this world, it’s that you never have to worry about losing me. To anyone,” Chloe stated, as she leaned in for a sweet kiss.

As their lips parted Beca reached up a hand and tucked a stray strand of hair behind Chloes ear, cradling her wife’s cheek for a moment as she smiled warmly at her.

“Good to know,” Beca replied as Chloe’s arms came to settle around her neck.

“How do you feel after you first proper excursion?” Chloe asked, hands gently massaging the back of her wife’s neck.

Beca mulled it over in her head for a moment. It had been the first major public outing for the former soldier since coming home. She had made several day trips during her time at the centre, however they were usually only for an hour or two max and usually only to one place at a time. This was the first time Beca had been out and about for a considerable length of time.

They had made several stops at various different places, the dry cleaners, the bank, one of the local ice cream parlours and then the grocery story. They had even stoped by the library to pick up some books. Beca had done more social integrating in one day than she had over several months at the centre.

She noticed the looks from people, some sympathetic, some curious, and there were moments where she felt like turning around and going back home, hiding away from it all.

But Chloe motivated her to carry on. At no point did Chloe treat Beca any differently to how she normally would have. She didn’t molly coddle her or try to do things for her unless asked. She gave Beca the freedom to just be herself.

Having the girls there was a great distraction because it allowed her to focus on them rather than the people around her.

And in moments when she found herself struggling to reach for something or trying to get down a crowded aisle, she took a deep breath, collected herself and then asked for assistance or for people to excuse themselves out of her way.

Those moments when someone would jump to help her out sat funny in her chest. Things were just different, and she had to adjust.

“It was hard,” Beca answered honestly, adhering to the promise they had made to keep the lines of communication open and Chloe nodded in understanding, softly caressing the back of her wife’s neck and listening intently.

“You know there were moments where I just wanted to bail out of there,” Beca shook her head as if trying to expel a bad memory and then she glanced up into Chloe’s eyes.

“But having you and the girls there made it easier. It kept me focused. Took my mind of everything else.”

Chloe leaned in and nuzzled her nose against Beca’s.

“I’m glad we could do that for you. But you know if it ever gets too much or too overwhelming, you can always tell me and we can leave. You don’t have to face everything all at once.”

Beca nodded her head, of course she knew this, but she also knew if she didn’t try to take those figurative steps outside of her bubble, she would get too comfortable and never want to leave.

She couldn’t allow herself to relax into a false sense of security. Her daughters were growing up and wanted to explore, and she wanted to be able to explore the world with them and watch their little faces light up as they became more aware of the world around them.

“I know, but I want to. I want to be able to go places with you guys and feel comfortable and I know the only way to do that is to push myself outside of my comfort zone,” Beca replied and she watched as Chloe’s face turned sceptical.

“But I promise I won’t overdo it. If I get overwhelmed, I’ll tell you. I’m not gonna do anything to push my recovery back.”

Those words seemed to placate Chloe whose shoulders visibly relaxed and she pressed one more kiss to her wife’s lips before standing up again.

“That’s all I ask,” the redhead said as both women returned to packing away the groceries.

That evening, they decided to have a pizza night outside under the stars. They made a handful of their own small homemade pizzas, with each of their favourite toppings and played games until it was time for the girls to have their bath and go to bed.

Once they were alone, Beca and Chloe curled up on the couch with a glass of red wine for Chloe and a beer for Beca, as the brunette strummed the tune of some songs on her guitar.

As the weekend rolled around, Chloe found herself being ushered out of the house very early on a Saturday morning by Aubrey for a hike and early breakfast. Not sure what the purpose was, she agreed non the less, feeling like it would be good for her to get out and sweat for a bit.

As they were leaving the house, Aubrey turned before closing the door, subtly winking at Beca and gesturing for her to check the pouch on the back of her chair, and then gesturing towards her ring finger.

Beca instantly knew what she was talking about and slipped her hand being her back and reached inside, her hand coming into contact with a large square box.

She mouthed a thank you to Aubrey as the blonde pulled the door shut, and within minutes of them leaving, Jesse came bounding in with a spring in his step, Chloe’s brothers, wives, both sets of parents, and the rest of their rag tag group of friends arriving soon after.

“Okay, we’ve got a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it. Boys, you’re on heavy lifting duty, ladies, you’re on decorating duty. We need to move and we need to move fast. The caterers will be here soon along with the celebrant. Let’s get to it.”

Everyone whooped and hollered, clapping their hands as they all got to work. The boys made a dash for outside while the women sorted through all the decorations and made notes as to where they would place the flowers once they arrived.

Beca quickly retreated to the master bedroom followed by Jessica and got her to lay the garment bag in the wardrobe onto the bed. Beca placed an envelope with Chloe’s name on it on top with a single Lily flower, her favourite, and then left the room.

As the day rolled into the afternoon, and the backyard now set for a vow renewal ceremony, everyone took turns quickly showering and changing before escaping outdoors just in time for Chloe to arrive home with Aubrey.

“What’s everyone doing here?” Chloe asked, gazing out from the passenger seat at all the other cars in the yard as they pulled to a stop at the front of the house. Aubrey smiled at her and handed her an envelope which Chloe took and removed the note from inside.

Waiting for you out back is a surprise. But you need to get dressed first. So please don’t peek. Follow Aubrey to our room and when you’re ready.... meet me outside. I love you x

“What’s going on?” Chloe asked and Aubrey just grinned at her.

“Follow me and you’ll find out.”

Sceptical, but curious non the less, Chloe followed Aubrey inside the house, the blonde making sure that Chloe went straight to the master bedroom. Opening the bedroom door, she was met by the smiling face of Jessica who was sat by the vanity mirror, an array of make-up and hair styling equipment splayed out in front of her.

Chloe then turned towards the bed and noticed the garment bag. Glancing at Aubrey and then walking towards it, she picked up the envelop and opened it, removing the note inside.

Aside from the birth of our daughters, marrying you was the best day of my life. So, what do you say we relive that feeling again? How about it Chlo? Will you make me the luckiest woman alive and marry a second time? I love you x

Chloe raised a hand to her mouth in shock and then a soft sob escaped her. She glanced up towards Aubrey and Jessica, her hand now resting over her chest.

“Is she serious? This is really happening?” She asked. And Jessica nodded.

“See for yourself,” she said, gesturing to the garment bag.

Chloe carefully picked it up and lowered the zipper, a stunned ‘oh my God’ falling breathlessly from her lips as she gazed at the beautiful lace dress starting back at her.

“Hey we can fawn over how gorgeous the dress is later, we gotta get you married... again,” Aubrey declared as she made her way over to Chloe and grabbed a hold of the dress.

“You grab a shower and then Jess is gonna work her magic. I’m gonna shower and change and then when I get back, I’ll help you put this on,” Aubrey instructed and Chloe shook her head free of her dazed state and quickly dashed for the shower, grabbing her robe as she left.

An hour later, with her ginger hair beautifully swept up and clipped back with just some loose strands dangling either side of her face, Aubrey handed Chloe a bouquet of flowers and led her to the back porch where her father was standing in the entryway waiting for her.

“As radiant as ever,” John beamed, dressed in a three-piece light grey suit with a lavender tie and matching pocket square. Chloe smiled up at her dad, eyes welling up as she linked his arm and they stepped out on to the porch.

Outside, the backyard had been transformed into a beautiful outdoor setting, a decorative table off to the side under a marquee with white and lavender detailing throughout and candle lanterns along the way. Lights had been strung up overhead to illuminate the area later in the evening and there was a dance floor off to the side.

Ahead of her, was a flower petal pathway from the house all the way down to the dock, reminiscent of Beca’s proposal, music softly playing over the speakers that had been set up.

In the distance Chloe could see her family and friends all gathered around. The men all in grey suits and lavender ties, the women all in various hues of lavender dress. Perfect for the time of year.

As they got closer to the dock, Chloe noticed the beautiful floral wedding arch, the celebrant stood in the centre and then, she saw Beca wheel herself into place, dressed from head to toe in her Army Dress Blues.

The sight brought a tear to Chloe’s eye as she finally released a watery smile. Beca was looking at her like she was the only person on the planet.

Beca choked back the tears as she watched her wife get closer and closer, looking as breathtaking as ever. Once Chloe reached her, they instantly sought out one another’s hands, Chloe passing her bouquet off to her mother.

“I can’t believe you did all this,” Chloe said, her voice thick with emotion. Beca just smiled at her.

“When you have an amazing woman by your side, you’ll do anything for her,” Beca replied, making everyone swoon.

Chloe gazed over Beca’s attire, taking in the pants, jacket, the military patches and of course, the endless array of medals. Chloe never thought she would see Beca acknowledge the Army again after everything, but something had been resurrected within her.

The celebrant cleared his throat and both women chuckled having both realised they had gotten carried away in whatever moment they were having and listened intently to what was being said. After a brief intro, he encouraged them to say a few words.

Beca gazed up at Chloe, gripping her hands tightly as she took a breath to collect herself.

“I’ve spent weeks opening and closing my notes app on my phone, jotting down things I thought I might wanna say. But the closer I got to this moment, the more I realised that, after all this time, I don’t have to find the words anymore,” Beca said.

“We’ve been through so much, I’ve put you through so much, and yet even when we were apart, no matter how many miles were between us I could always feel you. I could feel how much you loved me and I knew, I knew then that what we have, it goes beyond two people falling in love,” Beca sighed and Chloe wiped away the tear that had slipped past her defences.

“We were meant to find one another. We were meant to share this life and build this family. I was made to love you Chlo.”

Beca shook her head for a moment to quell the emotions building within her, trying to push their way to the surface.

“All this time I spent trying to pave a path for myself, believing that I had a calling I needed to serve. But the truth is, my purpose has been standing in front of me this entire time. You’re my purpose Chlo. You and the girls. You’re the reason I live, my reason to want to live and to want to fight.”

By this point, everyone watching was growing misty eyed as they listened intently, Chloe was barely holding it together, but Beca just kept pushing those emotions down to get to the end.

“This uniform, it’s not about fighting for my country and creating a better place, I thought it was but it’s not. It’s about me doing everything I possibly can to protect you, Riley and Charlie, to keep you safe. I would do anything for you guys.”

Taking a breath, Beca coughed to clear her throat as she found herself struggling to hold back the overwhelming since of feeling choked up.

“You once said I looked death in the face and didn’t even flinch. The truth is I was terrified. But I knew what I had to do. I had to protect my family because the thought of anything happening to you guys, that’s worse than anything any army, any militia or any war could ever throw at me.”

By this point, the women were all openly weeping and Chloe was barely keeping it together. The men had even given up trying to keep a stiff upper lip. Who were they kidding themselves, there wasn’t a macho men amongst them. They were all softies underneath.

“I love you Chloe, with everything I have and everything that I am. And I’m so incredibly lucky that I get to be the one you share your life with because you are beauty personified inside and out. You are the strongest person I know, you’ve carried our family, literally carried me, through everything life has thrown at us and never faltered. And our daughters are truly blessed to have you as their mom.”

With that Beca placed a kiss on Chloe’s hands which were still grasped gently in her own. The redhead retrieved one of them to wipe at the tears rolling down her cheeks.

“God how am I supposed to follow that?” She giggled, as everyone else chuckled too, Aubrey handing out tissues to everyone around her.

Taking a moment to gather herself, Chloe thought for a moment about what she wanted to say. But her wife was right, no words could ever truly sum up how she felt. So she did only thing she could think of, she spoke from the heart.

“Growing up I always had this image in my head of what I wanted in a partner, what I wanted in a co-parent. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that I would find someone who would surpass all of my dreams and expectations,” Chloe said, squeezing Beca’s hands.

“I thought I knew what love was, thought I understood what it was supposed to feel like. But God Bec, what we have, it’s more than just love, it’s everything. It’s the very foundation of our family, it’s the life force that has kept us together through everything.”

Chloe glanced down at their joined hands, her thumbs rubbing across Beca’s knuckles.

“You’re right, we don’t have to say it anymore because no matter where we are that love, that connection, it’s always there, getting stronger and stronger every single day.”

Glancing back up, Chloe felt herself physically choke up at the thought of what she wanted to say next. But she pushed through because she needed Beca to know.

“The day I thought I lost you, that was the most unimaginable pain. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and it shattered me because in that moment I realised, I don’t know how to exist without you. I don’t want to exist without you, ever.”

Beca squeezed Chloe’s hands tightly at this, her way of letting her know she was there and she wasn’t going anywhere without physically speaking the words.

“The love that we share the love that you give me and our girls every single day, the way you protect us and the sacrifices you’ve made, are the greatest gifts anyone has ever given me and I treasure them every single day. You, our family, is everything to me. And nothing and no one will ever change that. You have me completely Bec’s, forever. In this life and whatever life comes next. I love you, always.”

By the time both women had finished their vows, there wasn’t a dry eye to be found. The celebrant then moved the ceremony along to the ring exchange.

Beca turned her head with a smile and Chloe followed her line of sight to find her two daughters walking towards them in matching white flower girls’ dresses with lavender sashes tied neatly into little bows around their waists. Chloe’s eyes welled up once again at the fact that this time around, she was getting to share this day, one of the the most important days of her life with her daughters.

Riley held onto her little sisters’ hand as Charlie toddled alongside her towards their mother’s. Once they were close enough Riley reached out towards Beca and handed her the rings she had been holding.

Chloe grinned knowingly having realised the “ring cleaning” had all been a rouse.

Beca gently grasped Chloe’s hand and raised it up, gently slipping both her wife’s wedding band and engagement ring back onto her finger.

When Chloe looked down, she realised that something was different. Her diamond wedding band had doubled in size and had been joined by a second diamond band that had somehow been shaped to loop into an infinity knot that still sat perfectly against her engagement ring.

It was beautiful and she couldn’t help but smile lovingly at Beca. Then she glanced down to find Charlie reaching upwards with her hand having been coached by her sister.

Chloe reached out her hand palm up and accepted the ring, winking at Charlie as she turned back towards Beca. Taking hold of her wife’s hand, she slipped the redesigned band onto the brunettes ring finger and then pressed a kiss to it, admiring the new design.

Beca had added two diamond inlays next to the bevelled edges of her wedding band along with an infinity loop pattern lightly engraved into the centre that circled around the band. On the inside of three of the loops she could see the initials C, R, C.

And Chloe’s heart swelled. It reminded her of the tattoo on Beca’s side. Her wife’s guardian angels. Always by her side, literally.

Their little bubble was burst by the words of the celebrant.

“By the power vested in me, I pronounce you wife and wife.... again. Shall we seal it with a kiss?” The celebrant asked and Chloe and Beca were only too happy to oblige.

Everyone cheered as the happy couple leaned into a passionate kiss, Beca eventually pulling Chloe down into her lap and deepening it.

Eventually they broke apart and Beca began wheeling herself and Chloe back up towards the house, their family heading for the marquee to give the women a moment to themselves.

Once they reached the porch Chloe glanced around at the catering company that had taken up residence in her kitchen, everyone smiling at the happy couple as they passed through.

Beca wheeled them into the front living room so they were alone and it was in that moment that Chloe kissed her wife how she had wanted to outside, with a longing that left no room for debate in how she was feeling.

“I love you so much. I can’t believe you did all this,” Chloe whispered, her arms curled around Beca’s neck with her hands cupping at the back of her head and neck. Beca just pecked her on the lips and smiled lovingly back at her.

“I’ve been planning it for months with Aubrey and Jesse. I just, I needed you to know how much you mean to me, how much your support means to me. Meeting you, marrying you, building a family with you, that’s been my greatest achievement and I wanted to celebrate you and our family.”

Chloe’s eyes welled up again and she locked lips with her wife, not trusting herself to speak just yet. Then she gazed at her redesigned wedding ring and Beca took notice.

“I had it engraved on the back. I know you saw the engraving on mine, I had the same one engraved on the back of your so they match.”

Chloe admired it for a moment more before unwrapping her arms from around Beca’s neck and running her hands down the front of her wife’s dress suit.

“I never thought I’d see this again?” Chloe admitted. Beca nodded.

“I meant what I said. This suit, the army, everything I’ve fought for, it’s all been for you, and the girls. It just took me some time to realise it.”

Chloe smiled and gaze down at the medals and patches, running her hands over them. The sight never ceasing to make her heart swell with pride.

“We should head out. Don’t want to keep everyone waiting. Plus the quicker we get out there the quicker the night ends and I get you to myself, well almost.” Chloe winked and Beca chuckled.

“My parents are taking the girls for the night, so yes, you have me all to yourself.”

Chloe gave her wife one last quick peck before standing up and walking through the house to the outdoor reception area followed close behind by her wife, their family and friends cheering as they arrived.

“To the happy couple,” Peter, the eldest Beale brother toasted as everyone raised their champagne flutes before Beca cut them off.

“Alright enough of the mushy stuff for now, let’s eat. Before John and Jack insist on giving a sermon each,” Beca joked, everyone giggling at the good-natured rib ticking.

Chloe wasn’t sure what she was expecting for their reception meal, but a good old-fashioned BBQ wasn’t it, but it was so perfectly them.

Ribs, burgers, chicken, all the trimmings, everything that usually summed up a good old family BBQ just like the ones they always had during the summer. The ones that brought back so many good memories.

Everyone huddled around the dining table outdoors eating good food, enjoying good company, sharing stories and laughter, always laughter.

Beca had taken the things they treasured most and wrapped them up into one perfect day. Their first wedding had been amazing, the day that they had promised themselves to one another so completely being a top 3 highlight.

But getting to share in that day again, this time with with their daughters present and with a greater sense of what truly mattered, somehow it felt all the more worthwhile and it made it mean that much more.

As the night wore on and the stars began to sparkle overhead, Jesse announced that it was time for the couple to share in their second first dance. As they made it to the dance floor that had been laid down especially, Chloe watched with a confused look on her face as Jesse and Aubrey’s husband Daniel, joined Beca on the floor.

The two men leaned down either side of Beca as she lifted each leg from the foot rest of her chair and placed them on the floor. Once her feet were touching the ground, the men placed one of their legs next to one of Beca’s and began to tie their legs together like they would a three legged race.

When they were set, and Beca had assured them she was okay, she placed her arms around their necks as they gently placed theirs around her waist and hoisted her into a standing position.

Tears rolled down Chloe’s cheeks as she realised what was happening. Beca was using Jesse and Daniels legs as props for her own. The men “walked” Beca towards Chloe just as the opening melody of Bless The Broken Road began to play and when she was close enough, Beca unwrapped her arms from around Jesse and Daniel and wrapped them around Chloe’s neck.

The redhead instantly latched onto her wife, placing her hands around the brunettes midriff so that Jesse and Daniel could continue to support her while Chloe balanced her out. As the music played on, they both got lost in the lyrics and the moment, forgetting about the two men swaying close by to manoeuvre Beca’s feet.

“I know I’m not as smoothed as I used to be, but I just really wanted to dance with you like we did before,” Beca whispered.

Chloe turned her head and nuzzled her nose in against the side of Beca’s face, peppering it with kisses, her tears continuing to fall.

She knew how huge this moment was for Beca, especially with her paralysis still being relatively new to them. For her to have even thought about doing this was a moment in itself. One Chloe would never forget.

She could actually see their mothers and Aubrey physically trying to pull themselves together as they watched from across the way. Aubrey yet again handing out tissues.

“I love you,” Chloe whispered back as she leaned in so their bodies were flush against one another, wrapping her arms tightly around her wife.

As the song came to an end, Beca glanced over towards the side of the dance floor and then to Jesse and Daniel.

“You got one more dance in you? Cause there’s two little ladies I wanna dance with before the nights out,” Beca asked.

Jesse and Daniel both gazed in the direction of the two little girls watching from the side of the dance floor and then grinned at one another.

“I think we can make it work,” Daniel replied, an easygoing tone to his voice.

Chloe beamed as Daniel called for Riley and Charlie, the eldest Mitchell child dashing across the dance floor to her mother’s as Diane walked across with Charlie, the little girl sucking on her pacifier and gripping her teddy bear which had been brought out to comfort the tired toddler.

With Jesse and Daniel reinforcing their hold on Beca, the brunette was able to reach out and take Charlie into her arms. Chloe then hoisted Riley up so the family could dance together, this time throwing it back to N*Syncs This I Promise You.

Chloe couldn’t help but think how apt the lyrics were, expecting nothing less from her wife who always chose songs for a reason.

This wasn’t just a song for Chloe, this was a promise to their daughters from Beca that she would always be there for them. And if life had taught them anything, it’s that when Beca made a promise, she kept it. Against all odds.

With the song coming to an end, and Beca no longer having the stamina to stay in an upright position that was now foreign to her, even with Jesse and Daniel holding her up, the two men helped ease her back down into her chair as Diane and Meredith took the girls to get them ready for their sleepover.

“Thanks guys,” Beca said as she bumped fists with both Jesse and Daniel, the men retreating back to the dining area to their partners, earning major brownie points for their efforts.

“So that’s why you’ve been sneaking off,” Aubrey said as she pulled her husband in for a quick kiss. Daniel smiling down at her.

“Beca wanted it to be a surprise for Chloe. And everyone else,” he replied, giving his wife another quick peck as they took their seats to chow down on some nibbles.

With the second first dance now out of the way, the floor had opened up to everyone else and Chloe and Beca found a new rhythm to dancing with a chair for the uptempo songs, however for the slow songs, Chloe always perched herself in her wife’s lap, wanting to be as close as possible.

As the night wore on, and Riley and Charlie growing more and more exhausted from the days activities, Jack and Diane took that as their cue to hit the road to the get the girls to bed.

Before they left, the girls said goodnight to their mothers, Beca and Chloe showering them with hugs and kisses as Jack promised to call when they got home.

“Love you,” Chloe said as she placed one more kiss on each of her daughters heads, Beca doing the same before waving them off.

Just after midnight, most everyone agreed that it was time to call it a night, mostly because they wanted to give the newly remarried couple the rest of the night to themselves to do as they pleased.

Chloe thanked everyone for coming and Beca thanked everyone individually for helping her pull everything together as they all left.

Finally alone, and with the majority of the cleaning having been done by the caterers, the two women retreated to their room for the night.

Whilst Beca took a shower, Chloe sat at the vanity mirror and unpinned her hair, removing various pieces of jewellery and then she slid off her wedding and engagement rings.

Holding her wedding band up in front of her, she glanced at the inside and rotated it to see that along with the date she and Beca met, which Beca pointed out was more important than their wedding date as there wouldn’t have been a wedding had they not met, she also saw the added inscription of B, R, C.

Placing them carefully inside her jewellery box, she removed her dress, which her wife had the foresight to unzip for her before heading for the shower, and then she shrugged off her underwear making a dash across the room to the ensuite.

Stepping inside the steamy room, she opened the door of the shower and stepped inside, making Beca grin at her arrival as the red head took up a position behind her.

“I’m big into water conservation,” Chloe winked and Beca just chuckled.

“I’m sure you are,” she said, tilting her head back so that Chloe could lean down and kiss her.

Hands grazed and explored as much skin as possible as their quick shower turned into a heated make out session, until Beca suggested taking it to the bedroom before they shrivelled up.

Quickly washing their hair and finishing up, they dried out their hair as much as possible with towels and the hair dryers that had their own place in the en suite and when they were sufficiently dry enough, made their way into the bedroom.

Neither bothered putting clothes back on, as Chloe said, it wasn’t worth it just to rip them off again, so they headed over towards the bed. As Beca got herself situated, Chloe retrieved her rings from the jewellery box and slipped them back on as Beca grabbed hers from her bedside cabinet.

Neither ever slept without their rings, both of them feeling bare without it. Beca had contemplated going without hers while away with the military until Chloe slipped a cheaper plain platinum and black band on her finger so she didn’t have to go without.

Once Beca was settled, Chloe strutted towards her, climbed up onto the bed and then straddled her wife as she kissed her hard and deep. Beca’s hands came up to rest on Chloe’s back, stroking the length of it as she tried to feel every inch of her wife’s body.

In a bid to get things kickstarted, Beca and Chloe had keenly investigated and researched ways to improve sexual intimacy. It was important to Chloe that when they did finally get intimate again that Beca felt good too.

For a couple of weeks, the brunette had been using an Eros Therapy device to help with stimulation with surprisingly satisfactory results all things considered.

Chloe at the time had been unaware that Beca was trying to get herself ready for this particular night after their vow renewal, wanting to try and make it as special as possible.

As things began to get real hot and heavy, Beca slipped one hand down between their bodies and slipped her fingers between her wife’s folds, eliciting a groan of satisfaction from Chloe as Beca marvelled in the other woman’s clear and present arousal. Parting from their kiss Beca gazed into her wife’s eyes.

“I have something else for you but I’m gonna need help putting it on,” Beca remarked and Chloe eyed her curiously.

“It’s in my top drawer,” Beca supplied and without lifting herself from where she was perched on her wife’s lap, Chloe reached over, opened the top drawer and was momentarily frozen to the spot as she gazed down at the items.

Retrieving them from the drawer she leaned back and held up the strap on and the relatively generous sized dildo that was now in her possession.

“Seriously?” Chloe asked with a grin, her excitement at the prospect ringing through her words.

They’d never really used toys before. Vibrators sure, but they’d never felt the need to add anything else to their more than healthy sex life. So this was a pleasant surprise.

“Mhmm,” Beca hummed and Chloe pecked her on the lips as she dismounted her wife and helped Beca to pull on the straps and situated the harnesses and the dildo so that everything was secure.

Beca reached over to her drawer and pulled out the KY jelly bottle and poured a generous amount into her hand, stroking the length of the shaft to cover it, making it glisten with slickness.

Chloe climbed back on the bed and eyed her wife for a moment, wondering the logistics of what was next.

“How do you wanna do this?” She asked, needing Beca to take lead on it. The brunette reached out and took Chloe’s hand pulling her towards her.

“You can straddle me if it’s comfortable,” Beca suggested and Chloe smiled because yes, the idea of straddling her wife and riding her to oblivion absolutely worked for Chloe.

Positioning her legs either side of Beca’s and using the headboard as a brace, Chloe lined herself up with the dildo, Beca watching her for any sign of discomfort, and then slowly and carefully lowered herself down onto it, inch by inch until it was fully immersed inside of her.

Once it was all the way in, Beca placed her hands-on Chloe’s thighs, stroking them softly as a gasp escaped her wife at the sensation.

“You okay,” she whispered and Chloe nodded her head, a look of utter pleasure taking over.

“More than,” Chloe replied as she slowly began to rock her hips. Releasing her hold on the headboard, Chloe reached down and grabbed a hold of her wife’s hands from where they had been resting, linking their fingers together.

It didn’t take long for Chloe to ride her way through the best orgasm she’d had in months, and the look of unadulterated pleasure on her face made Beca tingle in ways she thought would never be possible again.

When Chloe finally came down from her high, she lifted herself up and shuddered as the dildo slid out, sending aftershocks through her body.

Laying down and snuggling into Beca’s side, she took a moment to collect herself, and then helped Beca out of the harness and deposited it on the ground next to the bed.

Leaning over she kissed Beca, and then reached out to the side of the bed to pick up the tube of KY jelly. Beca eyed her curiously and watched as Chloe poured a generous amount onto her hands and then returned the tube to the bedside cabinet.

Gazing at her wife who was curled up onto her side, Beca watched as Chloe lowered her hand to between her wife’s legs and began to gently slip her fingers between her wife’s folds, smoothing the jelly up and down to give just enough lubrication.

Using her thumb, Chloe stimulated Beca’s clit as her fingers circled her entrance before dipping one finger in and working her way up to two.

For a moment Beca wasn’t feeling anything, until she suddenly began to feel this feeling low in the pit of her stomach that grew more pleasurable as Chloe changed up rhythms and patterns.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Beca was seeing stars and Chloe watched on mesmerised as she helped guide her wife down from her her high. From under hooded eyes, Beca gazed at wife and then leaned in and kissed her.

“I love you,” Beca whispered as Chloe wiped her fingers and wrapped her arm across her wife’s waist, pressing a kiss to her scarred chest right over her heart and then her lips.

“I love you too. So much,” Chloe replied. After helping Beca into a more horizontal lying position and pulling the bed covers up over them, Chloe settled in to her favourite position, curled up in her wife’s arms.

“I can’t believe you did all this. All of it, it was perfect,” Chloe sighed and Beca placed a kiss to her forehead.

“I had a lot of help. Aubrey and Jesse, they’ve been in on it from the beginning. Then I got our folks and everyone else involved. It was a team effort,” Beca replied, refusing to take all the credit for what was essentially her idea, but could never have come to fruition without their nearest and dearest helping her out.

“Bec’s you really need to learn to just accept gratitude. I know everyone helped, but I know that every part of today, every detail was you,” Chloe said as she stroked her fingers up and down her wife’s side, the brunette listening intently.

“No one could’ve made today what it was without knowing who we are as a couple and that could only come from us. You made this day so special. Everything was just perfect,” Chloe’s eyes welling up as she thought about the events of that day.

Beca wrapped her arms tighter around Chloe, her lips remaining pressed against her wife’s forehead as she felt as much as heard the emotional tremor in Chloe’s voice.

“You deserved it. All of it. What you’ve done for me, for us, our family. You’re incredible Chlo and I’ll never be able to repay you for the way you’ve stood by me all these years. I meant what I said, I know it hasn’t been easy, but I’ll never take any of it, I’ll never take you for granted.”

Chloe leaned up and connected this lips in a long slow kiss, before gazing into Beca’s eyes.

“How about we call it even? I don’t have the words right now after that orgasm to play the who’s the better wife game,” Chloe mumbled and Beca chuckled.

“Sounds good to me,” the brunette replied as they hunkered down for the night, fully sated and content for the first time in a long time. Both women could finally say that life was good. Different, but good.

The next day, having woken up at the break of dawn, Chloe eased herself out of bed and headed down to the kitchen and put on a fresh pot of coffee.

She busied herself with making some bacon, scrambled eggs and pancakes. Normally she would put together something more nutritious, conscious of Beca’s heart and overall health, but after the previous days events she felt the least she could do was relax for one morning.

Once the food was ready, she placed it in the oven to keep warm, poured herself a coffee and walked out to the back porch, watching the sun rise over the lake. She would never get over the peace she found out at the lake house.

The sounds and sights of nature surrounding them, all in their own little private haven. The fact she could now call it home not lost on her. The house was the perfect place for them to heal and recharge.

Having more memories to add to their growing reel just further deepening Chloe’s love of the place she had spent every childhood summer. The place she would now nurture her own family.

As if on cue, she heard the faint sounds of her wife wheeling across the kitchen and out onto the porch, coming to a stop right next to Chloe.

“It’s crazy how many memories we’ve made where already. I don’t think anywhere else on earth will ever make me feel as special as this place,” Chloe shrugged and smiled down at her wife who looked lost in thought. And then navy eyes gazed up at her as Beca laced their fingers together.

“Good, cause I was thinking, I know what I want to do with the money your dad invested for us,” Beca said and Chloe turned, giving her her full attention.

“You know the old abandoned campsite compound a couple miles down the road?” Beca asked and Chloe nodded.

“Yeah, what about it?” The redhead replied, curious to find out where this was going.

“I want to create a place, a retreat for veterans. Somewhere they can go to escape and heal and spend time with their families. Kind of like what we have here with the girls.”

Chloe couldn’t help but smile at the thought, knowing how beneficial the lake house had been to Beca and their family. To create something similar but on a larger scale to support other veterans was just so Beca.

“I think that’s an amazing idea,” Chloe beamed as she took a seat on Beca’s lap and kissed her.

“I was thinking we could call it Safe Haven,” Beca suggested and Chloe was already fully on board. Then licked her lips as she readied herself to divulge something she had been thinking about for a while.

“Actually, I’ve been thinking a lot about my career lately and where I wanna go,” Chloe started and Beca rested a hand on her thigh to stroke it in an encouraging manner.

“I wanna give up teaching. Not forever, just for a while,” Chloe stated and Beca eyed her curiously, so she continued.

“I think I wanna go back to college and get my Masters in Psychology and train up to be a counsellor, for veteran families.”

Beca gazed into Chloe’s eyes, checking for any ounce of hesitation or doubt, finding none.

“Yeah?” She asked and Chloe nodded.

“Yeah. Being at the clinic, going through group therapy and working with the therapists there, I feel like, with everything we’ve been through I could really help some people you know. Be that voice of understanding for people who are going through where we’ve been.”

Beca kissed Chloe and stoked her cheek, her eyes a light with pride.

“If that’s what you wanna do, I’ll support you 100%. I think you’d be amazing at it,”Beca said and Chloe felt relieved that they were on the same page.

Gazing out at the lake, the thought about the endless possibilities that were now in front of them and the fact that they had finally settled on a goal to work towards.

They knew there would be a lot of work involved and a lot of red tape to get through, but they knew working together as a team they could achieve anything.

Safe Haven would be their token of acknowledgement to all the soldiers and families that served. A place where they could truly feel safe, seen and heard. And I the Beca and Chloe couldn’t be more excited for the next chapter of their lives.

#bechloe #pitch perfect #fanfic #Bring My Soldier Home

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whitehotharlots · 4 years ago

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The point is control

Whenever we think or talk about censorship, we usually conceptualize it as certain types of speech being somehow disallowed: maybe (rarely) it's made formally illegal by the government, maybe it's banned in certain venues, maybe the FCC will fine you if you broadcast it, maybe your boss will fire you if she learns of it, maybe your friends will stop talking to you if they see what you've written, etc. etc.

This understanding engenders a lot of mostly worthless discussion precisely because it's so broad. Pedants--usually arguing in favor of banning a certain work or idea--will often argue that speech protections only apply to direct, government bans. These bans, when they exist, are fairly narrow and apply only to those rare speech acts in which other people are put in danger by speech (yelling the N-word in a crowded theater, for example). This pedantry isn't correct even within its own terms, however, because plenty of people get in trouble for making threats. The FBI has an entire entrapment program dedicated to getting mentally ill muslims and rednecks to post stuff like "Death 2 the Super bowl!!" on twitter, arresting them, and the doing a press conference about how they heroically saved the world from terrorism.

Another, more recent pedant's trend is claiming that, actually, you do have freedom of speech; you just don't have freedom from the consequences of speech. This logic is eerily dictatorial and ignores the entire purpose of speech protections. Like, even in the history's most repressive regimes, people still technically had freedom of speech but not from consequences. Those leftist kids who the nazis beheaded for speaking out against the war were, by this logic, merely being held accountable.

The two conceptualizations of censorship I described above are, 99% of the time, deployed by people who are arguing in favor of a certain act of censorship but trying to exempt themselves from the moral implications of doing so. Censorship is rad when they get to do it, but they realize such a solipsism seems kinda icky so they need to explain how, actually, they're not censoring anybody, what they're doing is an act of righteous silencing that's a totally different matter. Maybe they associate censorship with groups they don't like, such as nazis or religious zealots. Maybe they have a vague dedication toward Enlightenment principles and don't want to be regarded as incurious dullards. Most typically, they're just afraid of the axe slicing both ways, and they want to make sure that the precedent they're establishing for others will not be applied to themselves.

Anyone who engages with this honestly for more than a few minutes will realize that censorship is much more complicated, especially in regards to its informal and social dimensions. We can all agree that society simply would not function if everyone said whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. You might think your boss is a moron or your wife's dress doesn't look flattering, but you realize that such tidbits are probably best kept to yourself.

Again, this is a two-way proposition that everyone is seeking to balance. Do you really want people to verbalize every time they dislike or disagree with you? I sure as hell don't. And so, as part of a social compact, we learn to self-censor. Sometimes this is to the detriment of ourselves and our communities. Most often, however, it's just a price we have to pay in order to keep things from collapsing.

But as systems, large and small, grow increasingly more insane and untenable, so do the comportment standards of speech. The disconnect between America's reality and the image Americans have of themselves has never been more plainly obvious, and so striving for situational equanimity is no longer good enough. We can't just pretend cops aren't racist and the economy isn't run by venal retards or that the government places any value on the life of its citizens. There's too much evidence that contradicts all that, and the evidence is too omnipresent. There's too many damn internet videos, and only so many of them can be cast as Russian disinformation. So, sadly, we must abandon our old ways of communicating and embrace instead systems that are even more unstable, repressive, and insane than the ones that were previously in place.

Until very, very recently, nuance and big-picture, balanced thinking were considered signs of seriousness, if not intelligence. Such considerations were always exploited by shitheads to obfuscate things that otherwise would have seemed much less ambiguous, yes, but this fact alone does not mitigate the potential value of such an approach to understanding the world--especially since the stuff that's been offered up to replace it is, by every worthwhile metric, even worse.

So let's not pretend I'm Malcolm Gladwell or some similarly slimy asshole seeking to "both sides" a clearcut moral issue. Let's pretend I am me. Flash back to about a year ago, when there was real, widespread, and sustained support for police reform. Remember that? Seems like forever ago, man, but it was just last year... anyhow, now, remember what happened? Direct, issues-focused attempts to reform policing were knocked down. Blotted out. Instead, we were told two things: 1) we had to repeat the slogan ABOLISH THE POLICE, and 2) we had to say it was actually very good and beautiful and nonviolent and valid when rioters burned down poor neighborhoods.

Now, in a relatively healthy discourse, it might have been possible for someone to say something like "while I agree that American policing is heavily violent and racist and requires substantial reforms, I worry that taking such an absolutist point of demanding abolition and cheering on the destruction of city blocks will be a political non-starter." This statement would have been, in retrospect, 100000000% correct. But could you have said it, in any worthwhile manner? If you had said something along those lines, what would the fallout had been? Would you have lost friends? Your job? Would you have suffered something more minor, like getting yelled at, told your opinion did not matter? Would your acquaintances still now--a year later, after their political project has failed beyond all dispute--would they still defame you in "whisper networks," never quite articulating your verbal sins but nonetheless informing others that you are a dangerous and bad person because one time you tried to tell them how utterly fucking self-destructive they were being? It is undeniably clear that last year's most-elevated voices were demanding not reform but catharsis. I hope they really had fun watching those immigrant-owned bodegas burn down, because that’s it, that will forever be remembered as the most palpable and consequential aspect of their shitty, selfish movement. We ain't reforming shit. Instead, we gave everyone who's already in power a blank check to fortify that power to a degree you and I cannot fully fathom.

But, oh, these people knew what they were doing. They were good little boys and girls. They have been rewarded with near-total control of the national discourse, and they are all either too guilt-ridden or too stupid to realize how badly they played into the hands of the structures they were supposedly trying to upend.

And so left-liberalism is now controlled by people whose worldview is equal parts superficial and incoherent. This was the only possible outcome that would have let the system continue to sustain itself in light of such immense evidence of its unsustainability without resulting in reform, so that's what has happened.

But... okay, let's take a step back. Let's focus on what I wanted to talk about when I started this.

I came across a post today from a young man who claimed that his high school English department head had been removed from his position and had his tenure revoked for refusing to remove three books from classrooms. This was, of course, fallout from the ongoing debate about Critical Race Theory. Two of those books were Marjane Satropi's Persepolis and, oh boy, The Diary of Anne Frank. Fuck. Jesus christ, fuck.

Now, here's the thing... When Persepolis was named, I assumed the bannors were anti-CRT. The graphic novel does not deal with racism all that much, at least not as its discussed contemporarily, but it centers an Iranian girl protagonist and maybe that upset Republican types. But Anne Frank? I'm sorry, but the most likely censors there are liberal identiarians who believe that teaching her diary amounts to centering the suffering of a white woman instead of talking about the One Real Racism, which must always be understood in an American context. The super woke cult group Black Hammer made waves recently with their #FuckAnneFrank campaign... you'd be hard pressed to find anyone associated with the GOP taking a firm stance against the diary since, oh, about 1975 or so.

So which side was it? That doesn't matter. What matters is, I cannot find out.

Now, pro-CRT people always accuse anti-CRT people of not knowing what CRT is, and then after making such accusations they always define CRT in a way that absolutely is not what CRT is. Pro-CRTers default to "they don't want students to read about slavery or racism." This is absolutely not true, and absolutely not what actual CRT concerns itself with. Slavery and racism have been mainstays of American history curriucla since before I was born. Even people who barely paid attention in school would admit this, if there were any more desire for honesty in our discourse.

My high school history teacher was a southern "lost causer" who took the south's side in the Civil War but nonetheless provided us with the most descriptive and unapologetic understandings of slavery's brutalities I had heard up until that point. He also unambiguously referred to the nuclear attacks on Hiroshmia and Nagasaki as "genocidal." Why? Because most people's politics are idiosyncratic, and because you cannot genuinely infer a person to believe one thing based on their opinion of another, tangentially related thing. The totality of human understanding used to be something open-minded people prided themselves on being aware of, believe it or not...

This is the problem with CRT. This is is the motivation behind the majority of people who wish to ban it. It’s not because they are necessarily racist themselves. It’s because they recognize, correctly, that the now-ascendant frames for understanding social issues boils everything down to a superficial patina that denies not only the realities of the systems they seek to upend but the very humanity of the people who exist within them. There is no humanity without depth and nuance and complexities and contradictions. When you argue otherwise, people will get mad and fight back.

And this is the most bitter irony of this idiotic debate: it was never about not wanting to teach the sinful or embarrassing parts of our history. That was a different debate, one that was settled and won long ago. It is instead an immense, embarrassing overreach on behalf of people who have bullied their way to complete dominance of their spheres of influence within media and academe assuming they could do the same to everyone else. Some of its purveyors may have convinced themselves that getting students to admit complicity in privilege will prevent police shootings, sure. But I know these people. I’ve spoken to them at length. I’ve read their work. The vast, vast majority of them aren’t that stupid. The point is to exert control. The point is to make sure they stay in charge and that nothing changes. The point is failure.

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julemmaes · 4 years ago

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We Have To

Nesta Archeron x Cassian modern au

A/N: I’M SO SORRY THIS IS SOME WEEKS LATE, BUT I MADE IT, I DID IT!!!!

@darkshadowqueensrule ELLA THIS IS FOR YOU. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS FLUFFY;) THING AS MUCH I DID PLANNING AND WRITING IT AND I HOPE IT BRINGS YOU JOY

Word count: 3,098

Cassian had so much to do that day that he cursed himself for not thinking of everything sooner. He had already bought the flowers for Nesta, who lay in the seat next to him, and the smell of the food and spices their neighbor had given him was already intoxicating him. He just hoped it wouldn't get too cold by the time they got to Azriel and Emerie's house. They were all going to be there, as they did every year, to celebrate Nesta's birthday in company, but before joining their family, Cassian had to pick up each of his four children from school.

He arrived almost immediately at the school of the youngest, Alesia and Becan, and smiled when he saw them on the edge of the sidewalk, waiting for the line of cars to flow by until theirs would appear in the parking lot.

They were only a year apart, but Alesia was the oldest, and in the last year she had grown so much that Cassian's heart ached every time he looked at her. She was starting to look like Nesta and he couldn't have been happier, even though she was losing the light blonde hair that was being replaced by the classic light brown color of the Archeron sisters.

Becan, on the other hand, looked exactly like Leka, his oldest son, and both were the exact copy of Cassian, it was as if they weren't even Nesta's children. Both of his little men looked older than they were, and they never failed to have that silly, cocky grin on their faces - as Nesta used to point out.

When the two children saw the familiar car they lit up, pointing him out to the teacher and starting to run towards him. Alesia was the first to catch up and got in right away, pulling up Becan's backpack, which at times seemed to tower over him as big as it was.

"Hello gorgeous." said Cassian turning to his children.

"Hi daddy!" they both yelled.

He reached out a hand to his daughter's head, fixing her hair behind her ear and then turned to his son, "What did you guys do today?"

Becan was arranging his backpack next to him with a frown on his face, "I had English and we got to plurals and the teacher said we're great, but I didn't understand why I can't say foots." concluded the youngest looking directly at him. Alesia beside him giggled, turning to face her father as well.

Cassian's eyes went wide with amusement, restraining himself from laughing, "What do you mean?"

"Why do I have to say feet?" the boy asked, arching an eyebrow, "Why can't I just say foots, or mouses?" then he shrugged, curling the corner of his mouth, "We'll never know."

"It's the irregulars," Alesia beat him to the punch, still looking at him for approval. Cassian smiled at her and nodded slightly, "There are no real rules, you just have to read a lot of texts."

A car in line behind them honked and Cassian huffed, turning back to the steering wheel, "Seatbelts please." he waited to hear the click of both children before driving off towards Xhuli's school, his first daughter. He turned on the radio, keeping the volume low enough to hear what his children were telling him.

He was more relaxed than in years past, oddly enough. He was always so fidgety during this time of year, and when Nesta's birthday came around, he couldn't help but remember all the times they had been young and celebrated for days on the beaches of Adriata, waiting for the sun to go down and rise the next day from over the mountains. He couldn't help but think of all the little gifts he gave her - the shells, the stones, the flowers - that Nesta had kept throughout the years to come and that still sat on the middle shelf of the bookcase in their room.

He thought about how the light from the coastal region was a gift from the gods, the way it had lit up Nesta's clear eyes every holy time, making them shine just for him.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, focusing on his daughter's words.

"Then during the break Ella gave me a piece of her snack and I gave her a piece of mine," Alesia yawned, then nodded thoughtfully, "She's nice."

"And did you manage to do the geography test or was it too hard?" he asked her, turning into the street of Xhuli's school.

"It went well, I think," she murmured, "although I couldn't remember the name of the mountains in Illyria, what are they called?" she asked curiously, leaning forward. Cassian restrained himself from telling her to sit down in the seat, as an unnatural fear welled up inside him.

He cast a glance at Becan as well, to make sure he was buckled in properly as well.

"Myrmidons." sighed Cassian, returning his eyes to the road as his heart sped up in his chest.

"Yeah!" shouted Alesia, grunting, "The Myrmidons." then slammed a hand on her forehead dramatically.

"Are we going to Uncle Az's?" asked Becan suddenly.

Cassian parked the car under the big oak tree where he always waited for Xhuli to get out of school and unbuckled his belt, turning to face his kids, "We have to pick up Leka first, then we'll stop by mom's and then we'll all go to Az's together, yeah." he replied, reminding them that they wouldn't be eating at home today and they wouldn't have to wait for the oldest to come back with the bus. Becan nodded, yawning as well, and Alesia laughed, reaching over to stick a finger in his mouth until he had it wide open.

Cassian laughed when Becan closed his teeth on her finger and Alesia wailed, retracting her hand instantly afterwards.

The little boy unbuckled his belt, "Can I show you what I made for mommy?" he asked his dad. Cassian nodded excitedly, smiling at him, but feeling his heart tighten in his chest, "It's not beautiful, but the teacher said it's the thought that counts."

At that he snorted, because it sounded like something Teacher Aelin might have said, but the laugh was short-lived, because Becan showed him a drawing of them. It wasn't a masterpiece, as the child had already anticipated, but you could see how much effort he had put into coloring inside the lines, going over the edges with markers. He and Nesta were in the middle of the paper and holding hands, lying on what Cassian imagined were beach towels on the sand, while their four children were all in the water and playing catch.

"It's Adriata." he whispered, swallowing noisily and handing the drawing back to his son, "It's really beautiful, you've improved so much since last year."

Becan beamed all over, thanking him and settling back in his seat, bringing the drawing to his lap. Cassian turned around when he heard his new teenager's voice ring out not far from them and smiled, seeing that she was running to the car, waving her hand at him. He raised his own, waving back.

"And I made this card," the little girl said, pushing something shiny between the two front seats. Cassian wanted to laugh at the amount of pink and gold glitters on that thing. "But I don't know if mom will like this cause it's very sparkly."

"I'm sure she'll love it." he said, smiling reassuringly at his daughter through the rearview mirror. "What did you write inside?"

"That I love her and that I-" she couldn't finish the sentence, because Xhuli had flung the door wide open.

"Hello everyone!" she squealed, picking up the flowers and putting them on her legs, getting into the car. She turned to Cassian, leaving a quick kiss on his cheek and turning to her siblings right after, "Are you ready to play ride or die all afternoon?" she cheered them on with a bright smile on her face.

Alesia and Becan shrieked in delight, jerking their hands in the air and Cassian shook his head, his eyes wide, "Why do you always have to instigate them to play that awful game?" he asked her as he settled into his seat, "Someone always ends up getting hurt and crying."

Xhuli chuckled, shrugging, "It's always Tedian or Daorsa anyway."

Cassian looked at her open-mouthed, "Xhuli."

"What?" she asked equally dumbfounded, then huffed, looking ahead, "Even Uncle Rhys always says they're whiners and should learn to take jokes," she told him with a pointed look, "And he's their father."

He shook his head, running his hand over his face, "If your mother were here-"

"She'd tell me to make them cry harder probably," Xhuli chuckled again, "Come on you go, I can't wait to eat Aunt Emerie's meat pie."

"Belts." laughed Cassian, not leaving until he was sure everyone was buckled in.

The drive to Leka's high school was longer, considering he was studying downtown, but Cassian relaxed a bit as Xhuli distracted the little ones, focusing on the road.

"I got a nine in literature today," the oldest daughter said, catching his attention. Shifting his gaze to her for a moment he noticed that she was torturing her hands, playing with one of the rings Nesta left her.

He gave her a warm smile, "It's a really good grade, I'm proud of you."

"And I finished the correction before the others, so I did something for mom," she said in a more uncertain voice, starting to rummage through her backpack. He couldn't see her face, but he knew her cheeks were red. "It's crap."

Cassian really didn't understand where all the low self-esteem that seemed to be in each of his children that day was coming from. He guessed that the idea of doing something that Nesta might not like scared them as much as it had scared him in the early days of dating.

They stopped at a red light and Xhuli held out the small blue piece of paper toward him.

He opened his eyes wide again, admiring the way she'd folded each corner, where she'd decorated the still visible parts of the paper, until it was a beautiful heron in flight.

"Baby," he breathed, "I know I'm supposed to scold you for doing this at school, but-" he chuckled, shaking his head, "it's beautiful." and a relieved, very short laugh escaped her lips.

"Thanks, dad."

They arrived shortly thereafter at Leka's school, who was standing on the sidewalk and looking annoyed. When the car stopped just ahead of where he was, Becan unbuckled his seatbelt, shifting into the middle seat, but his older brother opened the passenger door, nodding to Xhuli, "Get in the back."

"Excuse me?" his sister asked, genuinely shocked.

Leka clenched his jaw and looked at her with dark eyes. Cassian knew immediately that something was wrong.

The son huffed, "I said go to the back."

"No," Xhuli shook her head, "I got here first and you're always in the front."

"Stop that right now," his father scolded them both. Then he crossed Leka's gaze and his son looked over the car, across the road.

Xhuli had a deep frown on her face, "He started it."

Cassian sighed, looking at the girl, "Could you please get in the back?" when she gaped, he clasped his hands around the steering wheel, "I know, you're already sitting in the front and it would be so much easier and faster if he just got in the back, but it's a hard day for him and-"

"It's not hard just for him," she retorted, in a tone of voice Cassian had never heard her use. She sounded like Nesta at that moment, authoritative rather than condescending.

"Please," he whispered, looking into her eyes.

Xhuli must have seen something in his gaze, because she huffed and gathered up her stuff, before walking out and giving her brother a shove. Leka didn't even seem to mind and dropped into the seat next to Cassian, quickly buckling himself in and resting his hood-covered head against the window.

"Leka-"

"Just drive, please," he murmured, not even looking at his father.

The relatively cheerful air that had been there up until that point had disappeared completely, and even when Becan had tried to get his older brother's attention, he hadn't paid any attention to him at all. Xhuli had tried to point out to him that he was being an asshole, but Cassian had snapped at her, and told her to apologize straight away.

They'd started talking about who would give their mom the gift first, and Cassian had more felt than seen, Leka tense up at his siblings' words. He had taken deep, shuddering breaths and it had taken all his strength for the man not to stop and hug his son in the middle of the road.

The second they pulled up in front of the particularly green and overgrown lawn, the three little ones hopped out of the car without even waiting for their father's permission and started running towards what they knew was their mother's gravestone.

Leka looked away from his siblings, shifting his gaze to his father and then his eyes filled with tears, but nothing fell down his cheeks, "I want to leave."

Cassian felt his heart in his throat, his hands trembling around the steering wheel.

"I want to go home, I don't want to go to the uncles," Leka continued, shaking his head, "I want to get out of here."

"Leka..." he tried again, reaching out a hand toward him. His son smacked his arm, pushing him away. Cassian closed his eyes.

"No!" he shrieked into the silence of the cockpit. His eyes were wide and he was struggling to breathe, "Why do we have to do this every year? It's sick." he spat at him.

Cassian shifted his gaze to his children, the ones who were now kneeling in front of his wife's grave. In front of the grave he took such good care of as he had taken care of Nesta while she was alive. Alesia was opening the card she had drawn at school and he saw a pool of glitter fall on the grass in front of them.

He turned to Leka, feeling his eyes water, "We need-"

"We don't need anything." he interjected again, more angrily, "You, you need this thing, because you can't seem to get away from mom."

Cassian jerked back at those words, opening his eyes even wider.

Leka seemed satisfied with that reaction because he continued, "She died five fucking years ago," he spoke through his teeth, "and you still bring me here and make me stand in front of her grave for an hour like it's going to do me any good, like talking to a fucking stone is going to help me." his son's voice cracked at the end of the sentence and tears slid down his skin. Cassian let go of a breath as his heart tightened in his chest more with every word Leka said.

"Stop it, you don't mean that," Cassian murmured, turning toward the gravestone-covered lawns, catching sight of some other relative who had come to visit a lost loved one.

"Yes, dad, I do," Leka shouted, "and being here so long, it hurts me! Just being here makes me so sick I can't breathe, and it makes me miss mom so much I can't think." a sob broke Cassian's breath, and he forced himself to look at his son. Leka was in no better condition than he was. "We come here and I can't think," he sobbed.

His face flushed, his breathing short, tears now falling without concern. He was opening and closing the fingers of his hands, looking for something to distract him from the pain so deep and inescapable that was grief.

Nesta Archeron, mother of four beautiful children and wife of the luckiest man in the world, had died in a car accident just a week after turning thirty-five. It didn't take long to realize that the news had shattered not only the family, but the entire neighborhood.

Cassian didn't remember much about the first few months after Nesta's death, always in a delirious state between anger and despair, but when it had taken shape in his head, when his body and mind had finally been ready to accept that this was now his new reality, another kind of grief, completely different from what he had experienced up until that moment, had taken over.

His children had needed him. And he hadn't been there for them.

Nesta would have been ashamed of him.

That had made him wake up somehow.

The idea of Nesta watching him, from wherever she was at that moment, and judging him for the way he had abandoned everything - for the way he had abandoned their children - had revived him and made him find his place in the lives of his daughters and sons.

And now, as he looked into his son's pitch-brown eyes, he couldn't speak, just as he had years before.

"Dad." Leka begged him in a broken voice, "Please let's go home."

Cassian shook his head, closing his eyes, "I can't."

Leka burst into tears, bringing both hands to his face to cover the grimace of pain and suffering as his body was shaken by loud sobs. Cassian placed a hand on his back, crying silently in turn, and Leka didn't take half a second before he pushed himself to him and let his father cradle him in his arms.

"I miss her so much." whispered Cassian as he wrapped his son up, "Every day."

Leka made a sound much like an animal that had just been shot before he resumed crying more loudly, "I miss mom."

His heart clenched so tightly in his chest that Cassian thought he was going to die, "I know."

"I miss mom." repeated Leka, pressing his face against his chest.

"We'll make it through, for her." murmured Cassian, clasping his hands around his jacket and bringing him as close to him as he could. He could feel Leka shaking, and he just wanted Nesta to be there with them, to help him fix the mess that was their lives. Watching Becan as he picked up the paper bird and flew it high above them, he thought he could never make it without the love of his life, but he still said, "We have to."

A/N: There’s one thing I always tell my readers, be aware of the winky faces;) I leave them anywhere I plan on destroying people’s hearts, so yeah, you’ve kinda been warned about the fact that this was NOT going to be fluff, I hope you liked it anyway, goodnight guys:)

acotar tag list (if you wanna be added or removed, just dm me or send me and ask)

@sjm-things @kris10maas @awesomelena555 @sannelovesreading @queenamydien29 @ireallyshouldsleeprn @messyhairday-me @ncssian @observationanxioustheorist @my-fan-side @booksstorm @maastrash @sayosdreams @thedarkdemigod @courtofjurdan @thewayshedreamed @ladywitchling @nahthanks @archeron-queen @sleeping-and-books @bri-loves-sunflowers @thegoddessofyou @ghostlyrose2 @claralady @queenestarcheron @oop-theregoesgravity @perseusannabeth @simping4bookboisngrls @anne-reads @fantastypenguins @laylaameer01 @thalia-2-rose

#nesta archeron #nesta #cassian #nessian #nessian fic #acosf #nessian baby #nessian children #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acotar ff #a court of silver flames #nesta x cassian #cassian x nesta

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fagundescamila · 4 years ago

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Power Couple #7 (Severus Snape x Reader)

Heeeeeello again! I'm sorry it took so long again! I promiss I'll try harder to update the story faster 😅

Some reminders: english is not my native language, so expect errors and if you asked to be tagged but weren't, send me a message and I'll try to fix it on the upcoming chapters

Tagzzz: @lizlil @misselsbells06 @mitchiesdungeon @sleepiesapphicxoxo @severuslovebot

As soon as they left the room, Severus' mind started to race and he thought about what he would say and the awkward silence that would inevitably fall upon them while they walked towards the dungeons.

But again, as it always seemed to happen to his impressions about their interactions, he was wrong.

"It's so weird to talk to all of them without feeling judged or under evaluation…" Y/N commented.

"Your former teachers, you mean?" He asked, almost relieved by the fact that they had just so easily started a conversation.

"Yes! They seemed weirdly interested!"

"It happens whenever they see old students. It was like that with me, when I started teaching here, then with Lupin…"

"What do you mean by 'old', may I ask you?" She asked, pretending to be offended.

"I didn't mean… After all, I'm..." He turned to her as they reached the corridor that led to the potions' room.

"I know, Severus! I'm just teasing." Y/N laughed. Snape chuckled and shook his head.

As they were about to enter the classroom, they heard some hurried steps behind them and, right after that, someone calling for Y/N. Severus recognized Hermione's inquisitive tone without having to turn around. He rolled his eyes in annoyance before facing the girl.

"Sorry to bother, Y/N! And you too, Professor Snape…" Hermione hesitantly said. Y/N smiled at her and signalized for her to go on and Snape had to fight the urge to roll his eyes again. "But I wanted to ask you something! I was wondering if you had any recommendations on books about Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Oh, I see!" Y/N said, impressed by the girl's attitude. "Since you're asking, I assume you covered all the titles recommended for the school year, am I right?" Hermione confirmed with a shy nod. "Okay, so I'm going to make some not-so-obvious recommendations, since it seems you already dominate the basics, is that ok?" Another nod. "I'd say you look for Confronting the Faceless…" At that Severus couldn't help but be impressed. "Quentin's bibliography is also really good, I think you probably have already read some of his books, but it's always a good choice and…I probably shouldn't…"

"Please do! I'd love any recommendation, really!" The girl asked.

"Alright. This will sound a bit unorthodox, but you're a clever witch!" Y/N stated and Hermione smiled proudly. "I'll recommend that you look for the Dark Arts basic theories and practices. Search for books like Secrets of the Darkest Art, Confringo Spellbok and Basic Hexes for the Busy and Vexed… That's a fair starting point, I believe." Y/N then looked intensely at the girl that seemed in shock. "Don't get me wrong! I'm only recommending this 'cause I believe in your good intentions and I know that you'll only get to read them if one of your Professors allow it. I know it sounds weird, but I have this theory that in order to fight something, you have to understand it first. Trust me, if you know how a spell works, it's easier to learn a counterspell, if you know the poison, you can make an antidote and so on!"

"I see! You're absolutely right! Thank you so much!" Hermione said, already looking forward to her next study sessions.

"Anytime!" Y/N smiled. "Just be a little critical with those readings and keep foccused on your actual goal, these books can be very persuasive sometimes…"

"Don't worry, I'll keep that in mind! Thanks again!" She was about to leave, but refrained herself. "Professor Snape, would you… write that permission for me?"

"I'll think about it, Miss Granger." He said with an eyebrow raised, but there was something in his tone that gave her some hope and she left with a smile.

"Did I just put you in an awkward situation?" Y/N asked, her tone and smile already asking for an apology.

"You mean making an insufferable teenager start bothering me about books? As if they didn't annoy me enough?" He asked sarcastically, which made her chuckle. Severus smiled at himself, almost proud of the fact that somehow - he didn't know exactly - he seemed to always make her laugh.

"My bad… But you can always refuse to let her read those books…" She said as they entered the room. "I mean… They are a bit disturbing, but…"

"I know… But I agree with everything you said to her… It's an unusual study approach, but it works. And if there's any student I would ever allow to read those kind of books at a young age, it would be Granger…" He said sitting at his desk to write the permission. "But you never heard me say it."

"My lips are sealed." She smiled at him, amused by the way he tried to appear cold and distant to his students when he actually cared about them. "So, those essays…" She started, leaning against the table, looking at his writing.

"Yes, I read them and got quite intrigued by that one with the brazilian herb…" He took a moment to process the fact that she was so nonchalantly standing really close to him. It wasn't exactly intimidating, but he felt his cheeks burning, so he decided not to look at her. "I actually did some experiments of my own…"

"Really?" She sounded impressed, which made him smile a bit and raise his head to see her amused face. "Can I see?"

Severus struggled with himself, debating if he would share his experiments with someone or keep them private, as he always did. He didn't know if he actually trusted the woman in front of him or if he just wanted to impress her, but he was inclined to show her his studies.

"You don't have to, though." Y/N was quick to say, seeing he wasn't sure about showing his work. "I mean…" But Severus didn't let her finish.

"Come." He said getting up, a smirk on his face as he led her to his private chambers behind the classroom. He held the door open for her and she entered his living room.

"So this is where a Hogwarts' Professor stays during the school year." She said taking a look around.

"A potion master, yes." He confirmed. "It was Slughorn's chambers before me."

"I see! It's nice! I mean… to have a house inside Hogwarts." She trailed off.

"It is, I guess…" He went to the kitchen and signalized for her to follow. With a wave of his hand he made the water in the tea kettle start to boil. "Fancy some tea?"

"Sure!" Y/N said, with a smile. Another wave of his hand and two cups of perfectly brewed tea were ready. "Okay, you gotta be kidding me, right? You're a potion master, so you make better tea than the rest of us, mere mortals, is that so? Are you an amazing cook as well? That's so cliché, Severus…"

Severus laughed lightly and opened the door to his personal lab, allowing her to enter before him. "I don't know about the cooking…"

"I don't believe you." She teased. "But that's a topic for some other time, let's see what you've been working on! I just have to remind you that I probably won't understand a single thing about your experiments."

"Now I don't believe you." He teased back and allowed himself a smirk, one that she couldn't see because his lips were hiding behind the cup of tea. Severus approached one of the cauldrons that was covered by a heavy cover. "I began by reproducing the author's recipe, which turned out quite well… The effects of the herb she mentioned really perform as she predicted. The calming draught that resulted is basically as effective as the original one." Snape explained as Y/N stepped closer to take a look at the potion. He observed her features as she seemed to really pay attention and for a moment or two, he forgot to continue. "But then I figured that, since this herb can replace a large number of ingredients, it meant that, there should be a way of making this potion stronger by the use of other supplementing elements." He then took the cover from three smaller cauldrons. "I've been able to manage some minor advances, but there are some ingredients missing in Hogwarts' storage."

"Really? Rare ones?" Y/N asked, still looking intensely at the potions, amazed by his progress.

"Some of them, yes. But mostly foreing insumes." Severus explained.

"Do you have a list? I could check the Ministry lab and storage and fetch you some of them, if they happen to be available there." She said looking up to face him, Snape raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Severus, the Ministry has more ingredients than we care to use. I'm sure no one will even notice some of them are missing. And even if they do, as head of the department, I'm in charge of the storage." She shrugged. "It's better that you use it than to let everything rot inside the aurors' cabinets."

"In that case, I can make a list and send it over to your office." Severus said. "Thank you."

"Oh, don't thank me!" Y/N tried to suppress a smile. "It's not like it's gonna be free of charges, you know…"

"No?" Somehow, he couldn't take her seriously.

"Definitely not." She took a sip from her tea. "You didn't think I would simply give you the ingredients, did you?" Y/N had this almost devious smirk playing at her lips as she watched Severus become more and more confused. "I mean, I have to see your list to know the actual price, but I'm guessing that at the very least, you're gonna have to buy me some drinks."

Snape almost choked on his tea. Was she really implying what he thought she was? Sooner that afternoon he was thinking about possible ways to ask her out and gave up on that idea because it seemed completely ridiculous and here she was, making it look like a joke.

"Is that so? That's how the Ministry charges for potions' supplies?" He managed to ask, trying with all his might to sound nonchalant.

"Hey, I don't make the rules…" She feigned innocence. "If you still want those ingredients, send me the list tomorrow and we can discuss the payment later." She shrugged again. "You know better, of course, but I'd say a dinner is a fair price considering you'll get to develop your researches."

"I'm sorry, did you say dinner?" He asked, already playing along. "I thought you said earlier it was just some drinks…" His sarcasm was finally being put to good use against her.

"I believe I said 'at least' some drinks. Who knows? Those ingredients can be really expensive sometimes…"

"Right…" Snape said, trying to keep the serious façade.

"Anyway… If you still want them, send me an owl with your list and I'll see what I can do." She said finishing her tea.

"I'll think about it…" Now he was just trying not to agree with going out with her right away.

"Of course you will." She chuckled. "I guess I'll leave you to your thoughts for the night then! It's getting late... Can I use your floo network?" Severus nodded and led the way to his living room.

"I'll send you the list tomorrow." Severus said as he watched her step into the fireplace.

"Good!" Y/N smiled at him. "Bye, Severus!" With that, she left his chambers in the green flames brought by the floo powder.

Severus stared at the empty fireplace for sometime, thinking about the nonsense of everything that happened.

For some reason, he didn't seem capable to stop smiling for the rest of the night.

#severus snape #severus snape imagine #snape #snape imagine #snape x reader #severus snape x reader #severus #severus x reader #professor snape #snape fanfiction

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the-fandom-fool · 4 years ago

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Danny’s Terrible, Haunting Visage, Mouth Unmoving

Hi, Danny Phantom phandom. I Made This For You. I stayed up until five a.m. writing it so I hope you’re happy.

Happy Dannypocalypse :) @horrendoushag

Word count: 2190

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There was a Face glowing in the darkness. It was glowing because it was on a computer screen, but that didn’t make it any less terrible and haunting.

Sam Manson grinned maniacally as she stared into the Face’s blank eyes, then looked away because they were a bit too blank. That didn’t mean she was backing out on her plan, though. She was no coward.

The printer loudly chugged out sheet upon sheet of paper, but the size of Sam’s house meant her parents would never hear. They would never know how much work she put into this, how many bribes she had to make, the blood she had to spill—and that was fine, because she didn’t want them to.

In the dark of night and the light of the wicked Face on the computer monitor, Sam snapped her scissors and set to work.

Morning dawned bright and early. Too bright and too early, in the opinions of some.

This “some” included one Danny Fenton, who had spent more than half the night dead and fighting other dead people who didn’t appreciate his puns. He got to bed at four a.m. and was running on two hours of sleep at most, so you could pardon him if he didn’t at first notice something amiss when he got to school.

Another reason he didn’t notice anything amiss was that his head was stuck in his locker to avoid the too-bright fluorescent lights some maniac had installed in the ceiling, and he had his eyes closed.

“Hey,” a voice said on the other side of his locker door.

Danny grunted. The voice was familiar, but he was too tired to figure out who it was right now.

“You okay, Danny?” the voice asked. It was too loud in the same way the lights were too bright, and the same could be said for the rest of the hallway. That’s another reason Danny had his head in his locker; things were quieter there.

Danny grunted again.

“Yeah, I know, you were up all night fighting ghosts. But you need to get up, man, first period is starting soon.”

Danny almost considered climbing into his locker and going to sleep then and there, but then he remembered that Mr. Lancer was the teacher in first period, so instead he groaned and pulled his head out.

He turned and was greeted by a hallucination.

At least, that’s what he assumed it was. A combination of the lack of sleep, the brightness of the light, and a hard knock on the head he got from Skulker last night.

Because everyone in the hallway was wearing his face.

Beyond his locker door, where the voice he now recognized as Tucker’s had been coming from, his own blank eyes stared back at him—or rather, at his soul. Danny blinked a few times in the hopes that the face would resolve itself into Tucker’s, but no—it stayed the same. Tucker’s body, Tucker’s beret, wearing Danny’s own terrible, haunting visage.

“Finally!” Danny’s terrible, haunting visage said, mouth unmoving, using Tucker’s voice. “Come on, we need to get to Mr. Lancer’s class!” One of the figure’s hands, Tucker’s hand, reached out and grabbed Danny’s arm. Tucker’s body started dragging Danny in the direction of the classroom.

“Wait—wait,” Danny said, clumsily forcing them to a stop. “What’s going on? What—why is everyone wearing my face?”

Tucker—it was Tucker, right?—turned to Danny and cocked his head. “Your face? What do you mean?”

Danny stared at him, face a blank reflection of the other’s, as his half-dead and half-asleep brain tried to come up with an adequate way of articulating what was going on. He looked to the side, saw several of the same face conversing with one another, and looked back. “Just… this?”

“This?” Tucker repeated. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Danny, but we need to get to class. Come on, we’re meeting Sam there.”

This time, Danny allowed himself to be dragged to Mr. Lancer’s classroom. All around him, everyone had the same Face. His Face. They were acting perfectly normal otherwise—he even saw Dash yeeting a football at Kwan, though it took him a few moments to recognize them. The only one who seemed to realize there was anything strange about this was Danny.

They reached the classroom and took their seats inside. Danny looked hopefully to where Sam was sitting, but she, too, was wearing The Face.

“Hey Danny,” she said, and was it just the hallucination or did she sound incredibly pleased with herself? “Sleep well?”

“No,” Danny said. “Do you have any idea what’s going on around here?”

“What?” Okay, no, yeah, she sounded really smug. “What are you talking about?

“The Face.” Danny made sure the capital letters were audible. “Why is everyone wearing my face?”

“Um, that’s what everyone looks like, Danny.” The expressionless eyes where Sam’s should have been gave an impression of being rolled, despite not moving at all. “Remember? After that whole thing with the Reality Gauntlet, everyone got stuck like this. And since you kind of destroyed the Reality Gauntlet, well…” She shrugged. “No going back.”

And no, yeah, Danny was pretty sure he would remember if that happened. This was just… a prank. A really wild prank, because he couldn’t imagine why the A-listers would also be in on it, or in fact everyone he’d seen at school today. But it had to be a prank, nonetheless. He wouldn’t believe otherwise unless he saw Lancer with The Face.

And speak of the maybe literal devil, Mr. Lancer chose that exact moment to walk into the room.

“All right, everyone,” said Danny’s terrible, haunting visage, mouth unmoving, using Lancer’s voice. Which sounded exceptionally annoyed today. “Get out your books. And congratulations, Mr. Fenton”—it was said with such venom that Danny would be cringing if he weren’t in shock—“for being on time for once.”

Danny thought he heard a giggle somewhere, but he was too busy staring at Lancer’s—his Face on Lancer’s body.

Vlad, then. He wouldn’t believe this wasn’t a prank unless he saw Vlad wearing The Face.

Principal Ishiyama had called an assembly.

Danny dragged his feet among a crowd of other Danny-Faced people, careful to avoid looking anyone in his eye. They all chattered away curiously, mouths unmoving, wondering why their classes in third period had been cancelled. Many were rejoicing the new absence of math or English or whatever from their schedule today, but Danny couldn’t bring himself to care. In fact, he had a bad feeling about this assembly.

As soon as everyone had taken their seats, Principal Ishiyama, whose normal face had also somehow been replaced by The Face, spoke into her microphone.

“Hello, students!” said Danny’s terrible, haunting visage, mouth unmoving, using Principal Ishiyama’s voice. “Today we have a special guest, who’s volunteered to talk to you all about—”

There was a physically painful moment of interference in the speakers; everyone plugged their ears. Principal Ishiyama didn’t seem to notice, for some reason.

“—so let me introduce our city’s mayor, Vlad Masters!”

Everyone clapped politely, except Danny, but including Sam and Tucker, bizarrely enough. Danny could only stare in abject horror as Vlad Masters, wearing Danny’s terrible, haunting visage, walked calmly onto the stage.

“Yes, yes,” said Danny’s terrible, haunting visage, mouth unmoving, using Vlad’s annoying voice. “Thank you, Principal Ishiyama. And hello, Casper High students! It is such an honor to be here today, teaching you all about—”

The speakers had another physically painful moment of interference that caused everyone to plug their ears, but neither Vlad nor once again Principal Ishiyama seemed to notice.

“—such promising young men and women as yourselves. In light of recent political challenges, I have truly realized the importance of educating our country’s youth in order to build a better future—”

Danny had seen and heard enough. Mostly seen. With a look to his friends on either side of him, he quietly slipped to the ground, waved goodbye, and phased through the floorboards.

He emerged on the other side as the dead version of himself. No one was around to see, since this was the basement, but better safe than sorry.

He floated around for a few minutes, glanced at a few warped versions of his reflection he managed to find in various metal things, then pulled out his phone in an attempt to distract himself.

Then he remembered that Skulker broke his phone last night. He remembered because the screen was now a bunch of shattered glass, and if you looked closely the entire phone had been snapped in half.

So instead he stared listlessly at the ceiling; imagined the new phone he would get; imagined punching Skulker in the face (did it look like his now, underneath the suit?) for breaking his phone; imagined all the new comebacks he could make while punching Skulker in the face for breaking his phone; thought about the hundreds of students and teachers above him who were walking around with his Face.

It couldn’t be real. It couldn’t.

Right?

After what he deemed to be a safe amount of time, Danny reemerged from the basement as a real live boy. He joined the stream of students heading for the cafeteria, since it was lunchtime now, and once there looked around for his friends.

Which is when he noticed people peeling their Faces off.

He jumped a few feet in the air—literally; he hoped no one saw—blinked, shook his head, looked again.

One by one, people’s faces were emerging. Like a skin of paper, the Face came away from their heads and was discarded in the nearest trash bin, or crumpled up and stuffed in pockets, or left to languish on the floor by a foolish few. The faces underneath The Face had expressions—real expressions, he hadn’t realized how much he missed seeing them. A lot of them looked relieved, or they were laughing, or annoyed. Real faces.

Thinking about this made him want to see Sam and Tucker’s faces, so he looked around for them again and saw them, sitting at a table together, grinning. He himself was too confused to grin, so instead he made his way over to the table without doing that.

“Hey,” he said, and they pointed their grins at him. What wonderful grins they were. “What’s going on? It… was a prank, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” said Tucker, grin becoming pointier. “It’s the Dannypocalypse.”

“The what.” Danny’s voice was as flat as the expression on The Face, mainly because he just didn’t have the energy for this right now. He took a seat next to Tucker and reached over to steal one of Sam’s fries.

“The Dannypocalypse,” Sam repeated, grin also becoming pointier. “In honor of Danny Phantom, we all wore paper masks of his face. Something weird happened with the printer, so his eyes came out blue instead of green.”

“Oh.” Danny looked into Sam’s maniacal face and felt his alive half become slightly more dead. “You… this was you, wasn’t it.”

Sam’s grin reached full pointiness.

Danny stayed silent for a few seconds, before an almost hysterical giggle wormed its way out of his mouth. “You know April Fools was two days ago, right?”

“I underestimated how much time it would take to make the masks. That’s fine, though, no one expects pranks in the days after April Fools. That just made it better.”

Danny had so many questions. Too many questions. But the most pressing, of course—“How did you get everyone in on this? I know lots of people would be willing to wear Danny Phantom’s face, but Lancer?”

Sam shrugged. “Money.”

“And what about Vlad? He doesn’t need bribes.” Danny tried to steal another of Sam’s fries, but she slapped his hand away.

“Get your own. And I won’t go into details on this one, but let’s just say blood was spilled. And it wasn’t mine.”

“…Right.” Danny considered going in for another fry, but maybe it wasn’t worth it. “And you didn’t worry that, uh…” He checked around to make sure no one was listening and lowered his voice. “You didn’t worry that someone might notice I have the same face as Phantom?”

Sam shrugged again. “Oh, come on, Danny. Everyone knows Wes Weston is Danny Phantom.”

Danny stared at her, completely blank for a few seconds, before he gave in and burst out laughing. “This… okay. This is hilarious.”

“You bet it is.” Sam slapped a hand on the table, and with it, a paper mask displaying Danny’s terrible, haunting visage. “I’m going to hang this on my wall. What do you think? Should it have a fancy golden frame?”

“Absolutely.”

As more faces peeled off around them, Danny and his friends laughed. Somewhere, Vlad was planning his revenge; somewhere, Wes Weston was tearing his hair out and probably also planning revenge; but for now, all was well in the world.

(“By the way, how could anyone see? I didn’t see eyeholes on the masks?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions, Danny.”)

#dannypocalypse #dannypocalypse 2021 #danny phantom #sam manson #tucker foley #tucker got less lines in this than I would like :(#but oh well #please accept my humble offering to this event #even if you can only see The Face in your imagination #post of fandom

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iridescentjin · 5 years ago

Text

Summary: The summer that you meet Kim Taehyung proves to be a cruel summer. kth x reader

“I’m drunk in the back of the car, and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar. Said, “I’m fine”, but it wasn’t true. I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you. And I snuck in through the garden gate every night that summer just to seal my fate.” Taylor Swift - Cruel Summer

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Warnings: vaginal fingering, swearing, recreational alcohol use, protected and unprotected sex, impact play, light choking, everyone’s fingers in everyone’s mouths, smol amounts of exhibitionism, oral sex (f. receiving and m. receiving)

a/n: this is mostly just a story that I wrote a bunch of my friends into. Anyway, I didn’t even read it all the way through once. It could make no sense at all. It’s my your queen of not editing and not having someone beta read. I don’t remember who else I was supposed to tag. @moonpjms @glossyfever @onherwings @softguks @ot7always

WC: 18K+

You pulled up your hood then firmly tucked your arms around yourself. You ducked your head as you ran across the street through the rain. The awnings covered most of the sidewalk, but the street was uncovered, rain splattering all over the black asphalt. The neon and LED lights from the shops bouncing off the wet ground, creating a constantly changing abstract art display. You felt yourself hesitate as you were coming upon the curb because you were entranced by the dancing colors.

Leaving work this late hadn’t been your plan today, but at least you’d come prepared with a jacket, knowing that the monsoon season tended to span most of the summer. You, however, had forgotten your umbrella at home. You admonished yourself in your brain for being such an airhead today, like always. Thank God for Find My iPhone, or you’d constantly be in trouble.

You look at the sidewalk ahead of you, still glinting with the lights from the shops and business, and you sighed in exasperation upon seeing the large sections ahead of you that had no awning. Normally it wouldn’t be a big deal, but you were supposed to meet friends tonight at a bar in Gangnam. You were already running behind, not to mention the 30 minutes on the train that you had ahead of you. Now, you also had to worry about looking like a drowned rat, with your hair falling stringy and wet around your face.

You stand at the edge of the awning as if you’re looking down a steep precipice for your inevitable end. You stand for one more second, close your eyes, and accept your fate. Before you can take a step into the downpour, someone clears their throat behind you. You turn quickly to see a tall man with dark shaggy hair standing a little too close to you. You can’t see most of his face because he’s wearing a mask and a hat with a bill, but his eyes are sparkling just like the lights off the wet pavement.

“You look like maybe you could use an umbrella,” he says, and you can tell just from his tone that he has a smile on his face.

Normally, you wouldn’t accept help from a strange man on the street, but it’s raining and you’re late.

You sigh and say, reluctantly, “Are you going anywhere near Saetgang station?”

He shifts his weight in an energetic kind of way. “As a matter of fact, I happen to be going to Saetgang station.”

He shifts his umbrella to his left hand and holds it over you more than himself. You walk with your shoulders touching, and after about 2 minutes, he talks. He isn’t looking at you, but you still know it’s for you because no one else is around.

“You can just call me Tae, by the way.”

“Oh, thanks,” you pause, unsure if you want to give him any more information about yourself than you have to; stranger danger and all that. “I’m y/n.”

“Y/n? That’s an unusual name for around here.”

“Well, I’m originally from the States, but I moved here when I was very young. My dad worked at the consulate and my mother was an English teacher, so I’ve been here most of my life.” You realize the insane amount of detail you’ve just given him, and you shake your head at yourself. To shift focus, you snap, “Besides, Tae isn’t that common for around here anyway. If you were traditional Korean, wouldn’t your name be three syllables? Whoever heard of a traditional ‘just call me Tae.”

“Hey! Come on. I’ve got a Korean name. I would just like to have a tiny bit of anonymity, thank you very much. Not all of us are open books, Ms. my-father-works-for-the-consulate.”

“Worked.” Your tone drops, and you keep your head down as you see the stairs down to the subway before you. You thank the universe or God or whoever was listening to the shouting in your head for the awkward interaction to be over.

As soon as you are down the stairs and out of the rain, you thank him and try to scurry off. Hopefully you’ll never have to see that jerk again.

You swipe your transportation card and make your way to the platform to wait for the next train. The train from Yeoui-dong to Gangnam comes every 12 minutes, and you have the times memorized in your head. The last train had come at 7:11pm. You look down at your watch. 7:22pm. Perfect timing you think to yourself. Despite being slowed down slightly by just-call-me-Tae, you were still perfectly on time.

When the train arrives, you clamber inside around the car stuffed with bodies. You find a place to grab the railing overhead and cast your eyes at the floor of the car. It’s best to avoid eye contact on the train.

After the first stop, the people inside shift around, and the shoes in front of you now are not the same as the last pair. The person before you before was wearing black shoes, the kind that are so shiny that you could see your reflection in them. These shoes are slip on loafers with a little decorative metal clasps on top. Something about them is familiar. Oh shit.

You draw your eyes up the slender frame before you, and you take in the muscles on his chest that you hadn’t noticed before. When you finally look at his face, he has a smug, amused grin showing his teeth. You roll your eyes, and then your heart speeds up.

“Are you following me? What do you want? I don’t have any money.”

His eyebrows shoot up his forehead. “Oh my god! No! We just happened to be on the same train! I’m meeting friends at SAHM in Gangnam, I promise!”

The panic in his tone makes you want to trust him, but you still remain wary. As his words set in, you roll your eyes again.

“Seriously? SAHM? Are you kidding me call-me-Tae?”

You know you didn’t tell him where you were going except to the station, but the fact that he says he’s going to the same bar as you seems too crazy to be coincidence.

“Yes?” he says, the surprise wiped from his face to be replaced by confusion.

“Why?” you ask to yourself in exasperation.

The train stops, and people shuffle around the car. You get pushed a little closer to the man in front of you, and you feel your cheeks redden.

“Well, my friend is hanging out with his girlfriend and her friends tonight, and they invited me and some other friends too.” He’s confused, and you want to call him an idiot for not realizing that the question wasn’t directed toward him.

He reaches into the pocket on his long, sweeping tan coat. You recoil ever so slightly from the unexpected movement.

He plucks his phone from his pocket and holds it toward you. “Dude, relax,” he laughs. “I’m not stalking you. I’m not going to murder you. You’re fine. I see you clutching that pepper spray. Use it if you need, but maybe just not in the confined train car.”

You become aware of the fact that your hand is in your purse, gripping your pepper spray, and you feel a little embarrassed. You mutter an apology.

“Look.” He holds his phone out to you.

Very clearly in the group chat he shows you are several people making plans to meet up at SAHM tonight. You roll your eyes again.

“If you keep doing that, they’re gonna get stuck like that.”

Every moment with this man is more embarrassing than the last, and you cannot wait for the ride to be over. Only one more stop before yours, and you can get off the train, mosey around the station for an inconspicuous amount of minutes before going to SAHM to meet your friends.

You ride the rest of the way to Gangnam with your eyes on anything but that embarrassing man, and he doesn’t push the conversation any further.

When the doors open, just-call-me-Tae bows slightly and says it was nice to meet you. Then he disappears into the sea of people in the station.

It’s about 30 minutes later when you finally make it to the bar, and you see your friends across the crowded space. The place has a kind of rustic feel to it, lots of wood and exposed brick. It reminds you of the hipster bars back in the states when you visited family last summer, and your cousin, Lindy, had insisted that you just had to try the new bar in town. You had a good time, but those fancy hipster drinks were stronger than you thought. You’d ended up drunk, flirting with the bartender. You even started an argument with Lindy when she refused to let you go home with a stranger in a country that you didn’t know well or speak the language perfectly.

You wriggle through the crowded bar to make your way to your friends. You smile at the sight of them all laughing and drinking together. Your friend, Rey, has her arm around the waist of a guy a little taller than her, who has a mask and a cap on, covering most of his face. You assume it’s her boyfriend, who she talks about non-stop but rarely goes into detail about.

Once you reach them, you see your friends’ beautiful faces and smile. They’re all gathered around a tall table, drinking and talking loudly. You say hello to all of your friends, hugging Rey last.

“y/n, this is Jimin. I’ve told you a little bit about him,” she shouts over the loud bar sounds, beaming up at him. She’s so precious when she’s in love.

She’s talked vaguely about Jimin for a long time, and you aren’t totally sure what his job is. You know that he travels a lot for work and that sometimes Rey goes with him. You know that she never says exactly where he lives or who his friends are or anything like that. She’s so smitten that you are so excited to finally meet him.

“Hi, Jimin. I’m so glad to finally meet you!”

You shake his hand and exchange pleasantries. His eyes are the only part of his face that you can really see, but they are full of light and excitement and joy. You feel overwhelmed by the feeling of happiness in your chest just from meeting your friend's boyfriend.

“y/n, I brought some of my friends along. Everyone else has already met them, but I’d love to introduce you.”

Jimin’s friends are all gathered together, talking and drinking. Jimin pulls each of them over to introduce them, the smile in his eyes shining above the mask. He finally pulls over a man with white shirt, when he turns, it’s undeniable that the face before you is the same one that you’d hoped to never see before. Luckily, you’re drunk and having fun, so you feel a little more relaxed.

“This is my best friend, Tae,” says Jimin. Tae shakes each of your hands, and when he gets to you, he hesitates as he says, “Nice to meet you.”

“Hi, I’m y/n,” you say, with snark dripping off your tongue.

“y/n? That’s such a unique and beautiful name.”

You blush a little bit, and you’re not sure why. You know he’s just making a joke, making up for what he said before. The alcohol pulsing through your body leaves you feeling a little hazy as you realize that you’ve been holding his handshake for too long. You yank your hand away from him and rub your cheek gently.

You turn from him and make your way back over to your friends. “y/n, you are so red!” exclaims Ahhyun.

You duck your head and cover your face with your hands. You’re just red because you’re embarrassed by Tae nothing else. You throw back the rest of your drink and track down the server to get another one.

After a few drinks, you are feeling silly and giggly with your friends. Everyone, including Jimin’s friends, decides to play a game around the table, and everyone is giggling and drinking. You’ve missed nights out with your friends like this, and for some reason, you keep finding yourself next to Tae.

Someone suggests that you all play suck and blow because apparently you aren’t actual adults with real jobs and retirement accounts. At least not tonight. You end up next to your friend Seoyeon on one side and Tae on the other. As the card goes around, you look up at Tae thinking about the fact that he has yet to remove the mask from his face. He sneaks the straw from his drink up under the bottom and drinks. You laugh to yourself at the silliness of it all.

“Are you going to be able to play with that mask on?” you ask him pointedly.

“Of course. You have no idea how strong my skills are.” He giggles and sets his drink on the table.

You finish your drink, and you feel that fuzzy feeling in your head that tells you that it’s probably time for some water. You watch the group pass the card from one person to another. Jinhee intentionally drops the card as she turns to her girlfriend, Ash, an adorable girl who is studying abroad in Seoul. You feel yourself blush as they kiss, and you melt a little bit more. You’re such a hopeless romantic, and love makes you so soft.

You get the card from Seoyeon and turn to Tae. He tries his hardest to hold the card against his mouth with his mask on, but it falls. Everyone laughs as he keeps his face close to yours.

“Oops,” he whispers. His tone hints that maybe it wasn’t an accident, but you can’t tell.

Suddenly, your mind is full of the image of you pulling down his mask and kissing his lips hard, tasting the sweet alcohol on his tongue. You want to put your hands in his hair and pull his hat off. His shirt is loose, and you long to see the shape of his chest underneath it. His collarbones are poking out of the top of his shirt, and you can see how perfectly your mouth would fit on them.

You are completely lost in the lustful thoughts when someone drops a glass on the floor, and it shatters. You realize the thoughts that you’ve been having, and you feel like the heat immediately shooting into your cheeks again. You decide to head to the bathroom to try to rinse your face with cold water. Maybe it will sober you up and keep these thoughts about Tae out of your head.

You splash the water on your face and wash your hands. This is the first time that you’ve looked in the mirror since before you walked in the rain, and you can see that your hair, while not as bad as it could be, is windblown and messy. Your fingers fumble through your hair until you get it slightly more presentable. You rinse your face once more, trying to wash away the redness in your face from the drinks.

When you stumble slightly as you exit the bathroom, and you trip slightly and grab onto the arm of the man that you trip into. You look up, and a tall gruff looking man is looking down at you.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry,” you mutter and try to slip away from him.

“Where are you going, cutie? You didn’t even introduce yourself yet,” he says as he grabs your wrist.

“Look, I should really get back to my friends.” You’re panicking a little, and you try to wiggle your wrist free of his grasp.

“Ah, honey, won’t you stay and chat a while with me?” he starts to pull you closer to him, and you yank your wrist away from him.

“Oh goodness, darling, there you are. I’ve been looking for you,” a male voice announces from behind you. When you whip your head around, Tae is standing there.

You scoot closer to him and grab his hand. “Sorry, babe, I didn’t mean to get lost. It’s just so crowded in here. I lost direction.”

The man who had been trying to get you to stay with him looks disgruntled as Tae pulls you into his side. Before he can say anything, Tae pulls the mask down from his face and the bill of his hat up a bit to reveal the absolutely gorgeous face before you. There’s something super familiar about it that you can’t quite place. Upon seeing his face, the guy mumbles some apologies and skulks away.

“Really? Your face scared him? That pretty thing?” you ask, drunker than you felt a minute ago.

Tae laughs and pulls his mask back up. Then something clicks in your brain. You’ve seen that face before in the subway, all over the television, all over the internet. Oh fuck.

“Thanks. I have to go,” you blurt out and slink away from him.

“Wait!” he shouts after you, but you keep moving through the crowd to your friends.

When you get to the table where you’d all been gathered and grab your bag. You say a quick goodbye to Ahhyun, seeing that Rey and Jimin are way too wrapped up in each other to notice. You slip out the front door onto the cool, wet sidewalk. Luckily, the rain has stopped, so you can walk briskly toward your apartment, your shoes slapping against the wet pavement.

When you’re a little way away from the bar, you slow your walk slightly, trying to process what just happened. Tae, who is an idol, had just attempted to protect your honor in public. Why was he even there? Shouldn’t he be...dancing or something?

You’re not sure why you’re so angry at him just for being who he is. Your ego is a little bruised in that you thought this guy might actually be interested in you, but there was no way that someone like him was going to be interested in someone like you. You’d seen the female idols and movie stars; he could have anyone he wanted.

You shake your head to try to get the image of him with a beautiful super model, laughing about the girl at the bar who flirted with him like a child by being mean to him. The sound of feet on the wet sidewalk pulls your attention away from your thoughts. You turn around, and you cannot believe your eyes. Tae is walking briskly toward you.

“You’re kidding me, right?” you blurt out, hoping he isn’t within earshot.

“Look, I know we don’t really know each other, but I felt like I connected with you in a way that I haven’t with other people,” he huffs out. “Plus, you didn’t look at me differently when you saw my face. I mean...you did, but it was almost disappointment on your face. You have to know how rare that is for me, right?”

You feel the corners of your mouth tugging back. You didn’t want to admit how beautiful you thought he was or that you thought his sense of humor was funny, but it was true. You were glad that he was here because the way it felt to stand next to him was warm and real.

“I just don’t really know what you want from me,” you say as you turn your face away from him.

There’s no way that a famous idol is standing in front of you telling you that your disappointment made him feel good. You shake your head again.

“Just...hang out with me. Just one time. It will be casual, and I don’t expect anything from you, but it’s worth it to me to try to see if we can even have a friendship. I like you. I think you’re funny.”

You blush and push your hair behind your ear. You inhale and exhale deeply, trying to slow your thoughts. You don’t want anything about your life to be in the spotlight; you don’t want to be seen in public with an idol. You don’t want to have sasaeng fans who wish death upon you for just being near their “one true love.”

“I don't know. The kind of attention you get isn’t the kind that I want in my life. I don’t want everyone in Korea knowing who I am.”

His eyes drop slightly, and his shoulders sink a little lower. “You won’t have to have that kind of attention. We have ways to make sure that you aren’t seen. We can be really careful. Come over tomorrow. We can have dinner, and I can show you that you don’t have to be in the spotlight.”

You pause and sigh. “Fine.”

You can see the smile in his eyes, and you fish your phone out of your bag. You open Kakaotalk and hand it to him. He sends himself a message and hands it back to you.

“Trust me. This is going to be fun,” he says.

“I hope so. I gotta get home though. Have a goodnight, Tae,” you mutter awkwardly.

“Thanks, y/n. I will. Thanks.”

He walks away quickly, and he turns back and looks over his shoulder once before you turn and walk away from him toward home, smiling to yourself.

*****

“Kim Taehyung!”

The shout greets Tae in the hallway as he makes his way toward the practice room the next morning. He has a little bit of a headache from drinking too much, but he doesn’t let that get him down. Tae still feels the way that it felt to hold your hand in the bar. He doesn’t want to be dramatic or anything, but he feels like you might be his soulmate. He would never say that out loud though.

The voice down the hall belongs to his manager, Minjoon, who is looking at him with disappointment in his eyes.

"Kim Taehyung, I cannot believe that you slipped your team again and spent the whole night out. At a bar, Tae? Really? What if you'd been seen? What if you'd been mobbed by people?"

Tae smiles at him, with the dreamy look still in his eyes. "But I wasn't. And Jimin was out too!"

Minjoon rolls his eyes at Tae and leads him away by the wrist.

"Yes, but Jimin took the proper precautions, and he took Beomseok with him."

Tae rolls his eyes and begins to walk away. "I'm sorry, okay? I won't do it again."

His manager lets him walk away, and he feels a damper starting to fall on his good mood that he thought that nothing could ruin. He makes his way to the practice room and flops down on the floor. Jimin is in there practicing hard in the mirror, hair pushed back off of his forehead and sweat shining on his brow. He ignores Tae for a couple of minutes, focused on getting the correct moves down. Finally, he looks up and sees the lump that is Tae lying on the floor.

"What's wrong with you? I thought you had a good night last night?"

Tae flops over again, so he's turned toward the mirror, looking at Jimin's reflection in the eyes. He brings his hand up and runs it through his hair. He lets the memory of your scent sink into his brain for a moment.

"Sometimes I just get so sick of not being able to be a normal 24 year-old. Not have to take security everywhere. Not worry about the spotlight. Don't you?" he asks, feeling the desperation in his voice.

"Of course I do. My relationship would be so much easier if I was able to just be a normal guy, but I chose this life. I think that Rey loves me, so she knows that this is the way that things have to be. It can be hard some days, but it's the way it is. Plus, Minjoon-ssi shouldn't have yelled at you. Beomseok hyung was there."

Jimin walks across the room to where Tae is lying on the floor. He encourages him to stand up, and when he finally gets Tae off the floor, Jimin heads to the boombox and puts on the song "My My My" by Troye Sivan. Jimin starts dancing silly all around the room, beckoning Tae to come dance with him. Soon Tae is laughing with him, and the two are singing loudly and dancing wildly around the room. When the other members come into the room, Yoongi rolls his eyes, and Hoseok joins in dancing.

After practice, while they have time to eat lunch, Tae decides to go ahead and shoot his shot. He opens KakaoTalk and pulls up your messages. The only thing in there is a message from him to himself.

Hey, y/n, I was wondering if maybe you'd want to come over for dinner tomorrow?

Now, all that he can do is wait. Wait for you to read it. Wait for you to decide. Wait for you to respond. Even though his schedule is very busy lately with press and practices, he feels like waiting for you has been the most important thing that he's waited for in a long time.

As he waits, he eats his Kimbap quietly. Namjoon comes up to him and sits next to him.

"Hey, Tae, are you all right?" he asks gently.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"You've been really distracted all day. Just kind of smiling into space."

Tae takes a moment to think back to his effort in practice earlier, and he realizes that his hangover and daydreams have made him noticeably less engaged than usual. Shit.

"I'm sorry, Namjoon-hyung. I will get my head back into it." He hangs his head slightly as he says it. Maybe having you come over tomorrow was not the best idea.

Namjoon sighs and wraps his arm around Tae's shoulders. "Hey, I know how you get. Just...don't put everything into this one person, okay?"

Before Tae can question it, Namjoon has gotten up to take his bowl to the staff before they start work again. He turns and looks at Tae one more time before he leaves the room to head to the studio. Tae sighs deeply and throws his head back on his shoulders. What am I even doing? he thinks to himself.

Your name shows up on his screen when he's all but resigned himself to not hearing from you. When he opens the message, he doesn’t know what else he had expected from you.

Fine.

His heart leaps slightly in his chest at the thought of it, and he smiles at his phone. Instantly, his mind is darting between all the things he wants to do and all the arrangements that he wants to make for you. For the rest of the day, he feels like he works hard enough to make up for how much he was dragging in the morning.

*******

Be ready at 8:00. I'll send a car for you.

That's not ominous at all you think to yourself. You weren't sure if this was a good idea, but you suppose if anyone can figure out how to sneak around fans and paparazzi, it's the famous idol who simply rode the subway with you last night.

You curl your hair slightly and slap on a small amount of makeup. You don't want to look like you tried too hard, but you didn't want to look like a total schlub either. When you look at yourself in the mirror, you actually are impressed. Trying not to look too long, you pull yourself away from your reflection as you start scrutinizing that your eyeliner is slightly uneven on each side. The last time that you'd done that, you had ended up with half of each of your eyelids covered in black liquid liner, and you'd had to remove the entire look at start over.

You had sent Tae your address the day before, so you assumed that you should just wait outside for the driver. The elevator ride down from your apartment is long and slow. You realize how mildewy and old the elevator smells, even though your building was built in the 80s. When the doors of the elevator slide open, you see a black town car with black tinted windows sitting in front of the front doors of your building.

You had never seen a car with such dark tint on the windows, but this must be the kind of car that Tae has to ride in all of the time to avoid being seen. You walk up to the car, your flats making your steps nearly silent through the lobby. You see your reflection in the pitch black car. A white crop top and a purple pair of cut off shorts with flats on your feet. The outfit had seemed like a perfect summer outfit that flattered all the right parts of your body without looking like you were trying too hard to be fancy or dressed up for a "date."

For all you knew, this wasn't even a date. It was just two people hanging out. While you were lost in thought, the driver of the car came around and stood next to the rear door.

"Miss y/n?" he asked in such a formal tone, that you felt taken aback. No one ever talked to you so formally. You were the youngest in your team at work, and you were so used to being everyone's dongsaeng that you didn't know what to do with all the respect he was giving you.

"Yes, thank you," you blurt out awkwardly.

He opens the door for you, and you clamber in. The ride is almost 45 minutes with traffic, there's always traffic in Seoul. You have plenty of time to think about all the ways that this could go wrong. Think about how you're going to see your face on all the gossip sites tomorrow. You hardly let yourself relax or breathe as you sit in the car. Maybe it won't be so bad. Or maybe it will be a nightmare.

Finally, the car reaches the first gate of an apartment complex, and the driver gives the man at the gate his idea. The security office records it in a big binder and waves him on.

"You'll need to get out your ID for the second gate, miss," he says back to you.

You fish your ID out of your bag and hand it up to him as he pulls up to the second gate. He hands the IDs to the security officer, who enters the information into his computer and wishes you both a good night. Wow. You didn't know what you expected, but it wasn't this. It makes sense though.

The car pulls into the garage, and after parking, the driver leads you through the concrete labyrinth. You have to check in at the front desk too and be led by someone else in a black suit to the elevator and up to the apartment.

When you get to the door, he knocks in a unique pattern and waits a moment before Tae swings the door open.

"y/n! Hi!" he exclaims. He is beaming, and the smile spread across his face is infectious.

Shit. He's so beautiful.

He leads you into the apartment where there is a chef in the kitchen who barely looks up at you. There is one man sitting in the living room, and no one else to be seen. The man on the couch turns around and grins at you, popping up out of his seat. His eyes scrunch up slightly as he smiles at you. Shit. He's so beautiful too.

"Hi, I'm Jungkook," he says as he extends his hand out to you.

You shake it, blushing. "hi, I'm y/n."

Tae seems to see the blush in your cheeks, and he puts his body slightly between you and Jungkook. You smile to yourself at the possessiveness and jealousy that he seems to feel for his roommate.

"Jungkook was just leaving. Weren't you?"

You laugh out loud at the obvious "hint" that Tae is trying to drop. Jungkook laughs too, and the two of you make eye contact.

"Actually, I wasn't. I was just going to hang out and watch TV for a little while." He gives Tae a teasing look, and Tae flushes from his neck up to his cheeks. There's a small pleading look in his eye. It must be hard for him because his whole life is surrounded by people, even though some of them are his friends.

"Oh, you know what? I actually told Laur that I would call her tonight, and I should probably go do that because I love her." Jungkook trails off slightly, making long hard eye contact with Tae. "it was nice to meet you, y/n. Have fun!"

Jungkook disappears into one of the doors down the hall. You turn to Tae after you watch Jungkook make his way away from you. Tae has a slightly hurt look in his eyes, but he tries to hide it from you with a smile.

"What? What's wrong?" you ask.

"No. Nothing. I just don't want you to feel like you can't hang out with the other members if you want to."

You grab the sides of his face and make him look at you. "I'm here for you. I agreed to hang out with you, not them."

He smiles at this and leads you to the couch. It's a huge sectional that takes up most of the room, and you follow his lead in sitting right in the middle, leaving a little space between the two of you. You are still hesitant and don't know him well. You aren't trying to cuddle up on the couch with him just yet.

He grabs the remote to turn on the TV. On the screen are the titles of literally hundreds of movies.

"We can watch whatever you want," he says in a more normal and steady tone than you've heard from him since you were on the train.

"Why don't you pick?"

He smiles huge, and from the look in his eyes as he reads each of the titles, he is in his element. Ultimately, he selects Midnight In Paris. Before he hits play, he looks at you to confirm his decision. You nod toward him gently and smile up at him. He's taller than you remember, even sitting next to you.

You watch the movie, laughing along at Owen Wilson, until the chef in the kitchen announces that food is ready. He graciously brings it to you, and there is so much to choose from you don't know what to choose. Kimchi jjigae, oi kimchi, samgyeopsal, galbi, and tons of other food are spread out on the coffee table in front of you.

"I don't know what you like...so I told him to just make some of everything. I figured you can't go wrong with the staples."

Tae sounds nervous, but it looks amazing. There's no way you could pass up a meal like this. The two of you lean over the table, watching the movie and laughing, and eat way more food than you had planned on eating.

Once you're finished, you lean back onto the couch, certain that you're going to fall asleep. Already, this has been so nice, but you realized that you've hardly talked to Tae at all. Your plan was to come here and get to know Tae better to decide if spending time with him was worth the struggle.

When the movie ends, Tae turns to you to ask what you think of the movie. You hesitate for a second.

“It’s not that I didn’t like it, but...Woody Allen?” you know you shouldn’t be starting into it the first time you’re hanging out.

His jaw drops slightly, but after a brief discussion, he agrees that it’s hard to separate the art from the artist and there are amazing directors who haven’t done even half of the terrible shit he did. You were impressed with his maturity, and you decided that you’d definitely give him a chance.

“Would you like a glass of wine?” he asks as you sit awkwardly in silence after that discussion.

You can’t think of a single reason that you should say no, and a glass of wine sounds delicious. “Yeah,” you smile. “Why not?”

Tae heads into the kitchen, and when he returns, you laugh at the comical size of the wine glass. It is roughly the size of your head, and even though it’s only half full, it is roughly the amount of two or three glasses of wine.

“What? These are the only glasses we have,” he laughs along with you as he sets them down.

After you’ve had the entirety of one glass of wine, you are feeling lighter and looser and less awkward. You forget about the fact that Tae is one of the most famou men in the country, and you are just hanging out with your friend. The two of you talk about your childhoods and exchange embarrassing stories from high school.

You don’t feel yourself scooting closer to Tae, or maybe he’s scooting closer to you. His face is just a few inches from your face by the time you realize it, but you don’t want to move away from him.

“I’ve had a really good time with you, tonight, y/n,” he whispers, leaning even closer to you.

You can feel his breath on your lips, and you can smell his skin and his breath. The smell of the Cabernet mixed with lavender and vanilla, and it’s more intoxicating than any drink that you’ve had. The condensation his hot breath leaves on your lips makes your skin tingle.

“I’ve had such a wonderful time, Tae.”

You close even more of the space between the two of you. There’s less than an inch in between your mouths. You can’t stop your lips from darting down to his mouth. Shit. He’s so beautiful. His mouth is a perfect pout with his pillowy lips tinted slightly darker red from the wine. When you look back up at him, his eyes are on your mouth too. You can see him tracing every curve of your lips. Your heart pounds in your ears at the thought of kissing him, touching him.

Tae moves to close the distance between the two of you. Your lips ghost across each other, but before you can fully feel the rose petals of his, you hear a key in the lock. You feel like a teenager being caught by your parents, so you jump back from him, putting at least a foot of space between you and Tae.

Tae turns toward the door and the gorgeous, thin-framed man coming through the door. Behind him is a tall, blonde girl who is stunning. Tae’s face is flushed from the wine and the embarrassment of the moment.

“Hi Yoongi-hyung,” Tae mutters as he averts his eyes. “Hi Soph.”

The man hardly acknowledges Tae, but the woman sends a warm smile Tae’s way. “Hi, Tae! How’s your date?”

Your eyes widen at the word date, and you choke slightly on the breath that you were taking in at the moment. Her eyes dart toward you, and she immediately turns pink. She immediately becomes awkward, and Yoongi turns toward her and laughs at the blush in her cheeks.

“Well, this has been sufficiently uncomfortable.” Yoongi turns to you. “Hi, I’m Yoongi. This is my girl, Soph.”

“Hi. I’m y/n, and I am, indeed, sufficiently uncomfortable.”

Yoongi laughs and then leads Soph down the same hallway that Jungkook disappeared into, entering a different door.

After they’ve been out of sight for a moment, you turn back to Tae and say, “I should actually probably head out,” rubbing your arm awkwardly, still warm in your cheeks.

Tae calls the car for you, and a few minutes later, the rhythmic little knock on the door tells you it’s time to go. Tae walks you to the door, and before it opens, he leans in and presses his lips to your cheek. A huge smile spreads across your face, and you’re sure the security agent can tell that something just happened between the two of you.

On the way out of the gates, you can see through the tinted windows the young women gathered around outside of the gates in a contained area. They are holding signs and wearing t-shirts with Tae’s name and face on them. It gives you an uneasy feeling in your stomach, but once you’re past them, you can’t help the warm feeling that is bubbling inside of you from the night.

*****

“You didn’t even kiss her?” Jimin asks, exasperated as he sits on the couch next Tae. The two sip wine together while the television plays in the background.

Tae groans and throws his head back, hand on his forehead. “I tried, but Yoongi-hyung ruined it. He came in right when I was going to.”

Jimin starts giggling uncontrollably, eyes shut tight. His laugh is infectious, and no matter how much Tae doesn’t want to laugh at his own misery, he can’t help but laugh that of course it was Yoongi who interrupted. Any of the other members would have been cool about it, but Yoongi just had to make a sarcastic comment. The two laugh for a long time, the wine pulsing through their veins. Taehyung feels grateful that they don’t have to work early tomorrow, but this was not the end to the night that he had hoped for.

Taehyung had an image in his head of him kissing you, fingers laced into your hair. He imagined what it would feel like to have your lips against his, the smoothness of them and how pert they are. You would have leaned closer to him and run your fingers over his neck. He would have slowly moved his hand up your leg, feeling your skin up to the frayed hem of your shorts.

Tae feels himself hardening in his loose linen pants and adjusts himself awkwardly. The thing about these loose flowy pants is that while sitting down, they don’t hide anything. He looks over to make sure that Jimin didn’t see, and when he’s confident that he didn’t, he relaxes slightly.

“I’m going to though,” he states.

“You’re going to what?” Jimin asks.

“I’m going to kiss her. I’m going to make her mine.” A smile stretches across his lips, and he sinks back into the couch to watch the rest of the show with Jimin.

*******

Three weeks after hanging out at Tae’s, you are sitting at your desk looking over an expense report that someone messed up the spreadsheet for. Everything in one of the columns is one row off, and you are trying to fix it and all of the equations.Your phone vibrates next to you, and you welcome the distraction from the tedious work.

You can’t help the smile that spreads across your face as you see Tae’s name appear on the screen. Though you hadn’t seen him in person since the day that you went to his place, you were able to text everyday and video chat a few times. Things with Tae felt simple, like he was your oldest friend in the world. You couldn’t believe how well he knew you even after such a short time of knowing you.

Tae: Tonight?

What a vague message. What did he want tonight? To video chat? To hang out? For you to do your laundry?

You: Tonight will be Thursday night, yes.

You are always a little sassy with him, and he dishes it right back. The dynamic that you’ve built between the two of you is natural. You’re pretty sure this what people mean when they say that two people have chemistry, though you’ve never really understood the expression.

Tae: Oh thank goodness. I thought it was Saturday, and I’m busy Saturday.

Tae: Since it’s Thursday, do you want to hang out tonight?

You smile. You’ve been looking forward to seeing Tae since the last time, and you want to be able to pick up where you’d left off before Yoongi had interrupted the two of you. After video chatting with Tae several times, you learned that’s just sort of Yoongi’s M.O. if he interrupts anything. Be awkward and sarcastic then move on. A solid technique.

You: I guess I can pencil you in.

Tae: Excellent. Be ready at 6.

You look at the clock, and it reads 3:30pm. You only have 2.5 hours before you’re supposed to do god knows what with Tae, and you know that you are not looking your best. You figure you can leave at 4:00 if your boss doesn’t see you and you ask Aecha to cover for you.

When she agrees, you thank her profusely, slip your purse off the back of your chair, and head out the door. You get out without any trouble and walk briskly toward your apartment building. Your head is swimming with the idea of seeing Tae and the possibilities for the evening. You’re trying not to get too ahead of yourself, but all you can see in your mind’s eye is the shape of his body.

It’s been months since you were even interested in a man. You’re most recent ex, Yongsoon, had been a delightful man, but he was so boring and predictable. You never felt challenged by him. You never felt like he was that passionate about anything. You’d ended things, and even during the break up, he’d seemed so apathetic about the whole thing.

Tae didn’t feel like that. He was bright and vibrant. He had so many passions, from art to film to fashion. He made you feel like you could shine as bright, reach as high as you wanted. He also made you feel like you wanted to see what was underneath his whole clothes.

You shake your head as you unlock the door to your apartment. Stop being lustful, y/n! You rush around your apartment, trying to make your hair and make up look better. You decide that tonight, you’d like to wear a skirt. In the heat of mid June, you wanted to be able to move freely. Plus you loved the way that your black skater skirt swished when you walked or twirled. On top, you wear a purple shirt, tied up at the waist.

When your phone turns over to 6:00, you take one last look in the mirror, grab your bag, and try not to sprint down the stairs. Outside, once again, you can see the black town car with tinted windows waiting for you. The sight of it makes your heart leap a little, and you smile again. Everything about Tae makes you smile.

The driver meets you at the rear door, and he lets you into the vehicle. Expecting it to be empty, you jump a little upon seeing a figure inside. Sitting on the driver's side seat, Tae is wearing black slacks, a button up shirt, and beret-type hat. He has his mask pulled down around his chin, and he’s beaming at you. You climb in next to him, mumbling a hello as you get comfortable.

“Didn’t expect me to be here, did you?” he asks, with a sly grin on his face.

“I honestly didn’t know what to expect. You just told me to be ready. You didn’t even tell me what.”

He laughs, amused at his own vagueness. “It’s best if you only know what you need to know.”

“Well, can I know where we’re going now?”

He smirks at you and then announces, “We’re going to Ihwa Mural Village!”

He can’t be serious. A public place? While it’s light outside? With an idol? You start to panic as you think about all the possibilities of things that could go wrong. He could get rushed by people. You could get hurt. He could get hurt. It was far too risky.

Seeing the panic in your eyes, he blurts, “Don’t worry! I went the safe route this time. I have security who are going to be there, and we should be in the clear. They’ve cleared it out for a filming. We did everything we needed to keep us safe.”

You relax slightly, but you still know that people crowd around movie sets and things like that on the street. You know that Tae would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, but you are terrified.

“Hey,” he grabs your hand and squeezes it with his. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.”

The feeling of his warm palm in yours is comforting and feels like home. You wiggle your fingers slightly, just to take in the sensation of each of his between each of yours.

“Okay. I trust you,” you mutter, trying to believe your own words.

The car pulls up into an area that you’ve seen before and know is usually crowded. This time, there are only three men outside, all wearing black jeans. Tae pulls up his mask and pulls down the brim of his hat. You pull your mask over your face, wishing you’d known to bring a hat with you today, but hoping everything would be fine.

After a while of walking on the deserted street, looking at murals, making jokes, and taking pictures, you get lost in the moment with Tae. You let yourself breathe into the way that his hand feels in yours, the warmth of his body next to yours. His scent is soft and subtle, just like him.

After about an hour of walking around Ihwa, he asks if you’re hungry. You smile broadly at him, but quickly realize that half of your face is covered with cloth.

“Yes, I am starving!” you exclaim, feeling the hunger pangs in your stomach for the first time. You had been so distracted with Tae that you forgot that you hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

Tae laughs, and he leads you back to where the car was parked. The driver lets both of you into the car, and Tae thanks him by name. He slides over to the seat in the middle and wraps his fingers around your knee while you ride together. You feel him slowly creeping closer to you, and you know that if you turn it’s all over. Isn’t this what you want?

While driving through a tunnel, you turn your face to see Tae’s. His eyes are searching your face, and you can’t resist it anymore. You move toward him and press your lips to his. It’s soft and sweet, and he moves his mouth slowly, positioning his bottom lip between yours. You shift slightly, so you can turn toward him more. He wraps his hands into your hair, running his fingers along your scalp. Your hand traces its way over his shirt along his collarbone. You can feel the heat growing between your legs, but you become aware of the third person in the car.

You pull away, panting slightly, and drop your head, cheeks burning. You can’t wipe the stupid grin off of your face if you wanted to, but you don’t care because the way that Tae’s mouth felt against yours is burned into your brain forever. You’ll never forget how he melted like chocolate on your lips. Or how he tickled your scalp just right while his exhales made the peach fuzz on your face stand on end. Your senses feel heightened after kissing him, and you know that you want to do it again.

The two of you ride the rest of the way in silence, with your fingers entwined on top of your knee, and you can’t help but think that this is maybe the beginning of something wonderful.

When you get to the gate of the apartment complex, you try not to look at the crowd of people who are wondering if Tae is in fact inside this car. You pull your ID out of your wallet, and Tae pushes your hand down.

“You only have to do that when you aren’t with me.”

Once inside, he leads you to the apartment. Before he opens the door, he turns you around to face him. You’re looking up at his perfect face. He is so smooth and symmetrical, and you feel so homely next to him. He plants his hands on the wall behind either side of your head, and he leans down to you. He gives you a quick kiss on the forehead. Then the nose. Then each cheek. Then the lips. It’s so soft and sweet that you think you’re going to melt or explode or both.

He unlocks the door and leads you inside. In the kitchen, a chef is preparing food again.

“Dude, how do you do that?” you gawk at the man working in the kitchen.

“Do what?” He follows your eye line and laughs. “Oh, Bonhwa-ssi? I texted in the car. He works for us, and he’s the greatest guy ever.”

Bonhwa looks at the two of you briefly, then he goes back to chopping and preparing. You can see that this meal is a little different from the last one, but you are so excited to eat anything that your mouth starts to water.

The two of you hang out at the dining room table until Bonhwa brings over the hamburgers and sides he’s prepared. Tae is smiling at his food, and you get to see him just as he is. One bite in, and you know that you’ve never had a hamburger this good before. You try to force yourself not to eat too fast, but you can only restrain yourself so much because it is so good.

After you eat, the two of you sit at the table just staring at each other for a while. You feel a little sleepy, but you don’t want to miss a moment with Tae.

“Do you want to see my room?” Tae asks awkwardly.

You aren’t sure if he genuinely wants to show you his room or if this is his awkward attempt at getting you into a more private space. On both fronts, you are more than happy. You want to see the inward private space that’s kept only for Tae, not for the public figure. And you would be more than happy to have some private time with Tae because you can’t stop thinking about the way he felt against you.

You nod, and he pushes back his chair from the table. He helps you up onto your feet and leads you by the hand down the hallway. He opens the third door in the hallway, and upon entering the room, you feel Tae in every inch of the room. In the corner are canvases, blank and painted, stacked in the corner, and an easel stands tall above them. A desk sits in the other corner, scattered with pens and pencils. It looks like he’s been brainstorming or planning or writing, and to the small messes side there is a nice desktop computer. You don’t know too much about gaming computers, but you do know when you see a nice one. This one is definitely a nice one.

His bed is made with a gray comforter on top, and there are lamps on either bedside table. He flicks them on quickly and shuts off the overhead light.

“I hope you don’t mind. I just like the ambient light better,” he says quietly, making his way across the room to you.

Every picture in the room draws your attention. There’s one large painting on the wall. It looks like an acrylic painting done with a palette knife. It’s beautiful, and the muted colors swirl together to create intricate patterns.

“This is so beautiful, Tae. Did you do this?”

He chuckles a little and sneaks in behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. “I wish. No, I bought this one. I hope someday to be able to do that.”

Seeing the things that Tae loves and hearing his aspirations as an artist fill your heart with warmth. His fingers sneak along the top hem of your skirt, tickling your skin and make you shiver in place. You let him continue to do it, and you drop your head back against his shoulder.

He pulls you closer against him, your back flush against his chest, and you can feel the growing stiffness in his pants against your ass. You smile. Knowing that you made Tae excited like that causes your chest to swell with pride.

He has the option of any woman in Korea and probably the world, and he is choosing you right now. His fingers continue to dance along the skin of your waist and the top of your skirt. They slowly dip under the waistband, tracing small circles under the fabric. You can’t control the small moan that leaves your mouth when his fingers creep into the waistband of your panties.

He exhales sharply, and you feel him press against you. His other hand makes its way to the bottom of your shirt and ghosts underneath the cotton. You are rapt in the smell and the feel of him. You never want anything but his soft skin to be touching you again.

“Is this okay?” he whispers into your ear before he continues.

“Yes, it’s so much more than okay.” You turn your head, and your lips find one another. This time the kiss is desperate and pleading. It feels like if you don’t kiss him without enough passion, he won’t know how badly you want him. All of your desires try to escape off your tongue, dancing against his. Your hands try to find purchase on his hips, and you grip him on the top of his pants. One hand slides to the bulge that’s pressing against his pants and against you. His cock is hard and thick, and you immediately feel wetness pooling in your panties the second you touch it.

All you can think is how badly you want that cock in your hand, in your mouth, in your pussy. You want all of him tonight, even though you know it’s a little improper. Tae’s fingers dip all the way into your panties while the other hand finds your nipple. He gently pinches it between his index finger and thumb. He rolls it carefully, and the arousal shooting to your core is almost overwhelming. His other hand is tracing small circles through the wetness between your legs. He slides his fingers up and down your slit from your entrance to your clit. He moans a deep, low groan into your neck.

His wrap around the skin on your neck, teeth nipping at you. His breath is hot on your neck, and you lean further into him. He slips one finger into your entrance, and you inhale sharply. He begins a slow pace with his finger inside of you, just barely giving you what you crave before pulling back out again.

His teasing sets you off. You turn around to him and kiss him hard, caressing his tongue with yours. You drop to your knees before him and glance up at him, smiling, before your fingers undo the button on his slacks. Once you have his pants undone, you yank them to the floor. His cock is pleading to escape the confines of his underwear and who are you to deny it. When you pull him out, your mouth immediately waters at the sight of it. It’s thick and smooth, and you cannot wait any longer to have it inside of you.

You let one droplet of spit fall slowly from your mouth onto the shaft of his cock. You use your tongue to swirl the wetness around it, making him slick for you to take him all the way in. Your hand wraps around the base, and, as you look up into his eyes, you slide him into your mouth. With his cock inside your mouth, you use your tongue to massage the head, slowly flicking it around the tip. Tae groans.

His hand slides into your hair, gripping it firmly. You bob your head up and down slowly, taking in all that you can, using your hand to rub it up and down as you take it into your throat. You press your face against his pubic bone, the hair tickling your nose slightly, and Tae’s hips thrust slightly further down your throat. You gag around him, and he moans again. You moan around him, knowing the vibration will feel good, plus you are so beyond turned on.

You feel his cock pulse slightly in your mouth, hardening further. He pants and uses your hair to pull your mouth away from him.

“Fuck, you make me feel so good. I’m going to cum too fast.”

You smile at his words, using your tongue to wipe the spit off of your fingers. His eyes widen and he pulls you up to his level. “Get over here.”

Tae picks you up and throws you gently against the bed. He stands above you and rips his shirt off over his head, tossing it aside. His fingers slide up your thighs and loop around the waistband of your panties. He pulls them off, leaving your skirt on.

“You’ve been teasing me all day in this skirt, haven’t you? You knew how good you looked in it when you were getting dressed.” He’s panting a little and his hair is sticking to his forehead slightly at the sweaty spots.

The gruffness of his voice and his words are making you a wanton mess for him. You know that you look good in this skirt. You know that it’s pretty short and shows off your legs. You, however, did not know that it would have this effect on Tae. With your panties thrown aside, he pulls your shirt over your head, revealing the lilac lace bralette that you have on underneath.

“Fuck,” Tae whispers to himself, eyes raking over every inch of your tits.

Tae climbs on top of you and plants his lips against your neck. He’s teasing the delicate skin and leaving little nips all over your chest and collarbone. His mouth makes its way down to your breasts, and he pulls each one gingerly out of the cups of the bralette. He marvels at them for a moment then takes your right nipple into his mouth. You moan immediately, having extra sensitive nipples.

“Tae,” you moan out, hand lacing into his long dark hair. “Please.”

He looks up at you smiling. “Please what, darling?”

“Please....” you’re a little embarrassed to say, but you’re too turned on to care. “Please fuck me.”

He growls in his chest and pushes himself away from you. At first you think that you’ve offended him, but then he opens the drawer of his bedside table. He pulls out a condom, holds it up, and smiles at you. You take it from his hand, tearing the packaging to get the little latex shield out. Rolling it on to his cock, you can feel how hard he is, and you get even more aroused, looking at it and feeling it.

Once the condom is in place, Tae lies you back on the bed. He aligns himself with your entrance, and before he pushes himself inside of you, he asks, “You’re sure this is okay?”

You blush slightly because you did just moments ago beg him to fuck you, but you smile up at him. “Yes, Tae. I am so so okay with this. Please.”

He smiles and pushes himself slowly inside of you. Your eyes meet his as he hovers above, his eyes growing in intensity. His thrusts are rhythmic and deliberate, and you can’t believe that you feel like you’re going to cum already. Your fingers claw at his back, and you know that you’re leaving little scratch marks behind.

Soon, he pulls his cock almost all of the way out of you and thrusts it back inside, less gently than before. Your hands, unable to control themselves, grip firmly on his arms. You can feel how wide your eyes are, and you gasp for air as he does it again. Your head is growing foggy, and you feel yourself hurtling toward your orgasm, unstoppable.

Your pussy pulses around his cock, and Tae moans out your name. The sound of your name falling off his lips while he’s inside you is enough to send you over the edge. You feel the muscles in your pussy contracting, and your clit feels like it’s covered in warmth. The orgasm tears through you, and your mind goes completely blank, only pleasure exists.

“Fuck, you’re squeezing me so tight,” Tae pants out. As you come down from your orgasm, he starts thrusting faster and less rhythmically.

“Cum for me, Tae. Please,” you say, and that’s all it takes to send Tae over the cliff. He moans deeply and spills inside of the condom with his buried deep inside of you. His breathing is rough and jagged, and you can feel all of his muscles clenching. You run your fingernails gently over his back as he comes down. The two of you stay there wrapped in each other for a moment.

With a sigh, Tae pulls his softening cock out of you. He slips the condom off and tosses it into the trash. “Stay here,” he says and disappears into the bathroom.

At this moment, you’re very glad that all the guys don’t have to share one bathroom. When he returns, it looks like he’s washed his face and gotten all the wetness off his cock. He tosses you a warm, wet cloth.

“You can use that bathroom if you need to.” He points from where he just came, and you smile at him, popping up off the bed to go take care of yourself.

When you come back out of the bathroom, Tae is standing there in his underwear, looking much more shy than his behavior just minutes ago.

“Just so you know, I wasn’t planning on that happening. I don’t want you to feel like I just brought you here for that.” He rubs the back of his neck and looks at you through his eyelashes.

“Tae, it’s okay. I really enjoyed it.”

“I just don’t want you to think that I’m just trying to use you or something. I’m not like that. I really care about you.”

You don’t know how to comfort him or make him feel validated. You hadn’t at any point in time thought that he might be using you. You’d been having filthy thoughts about him since the train ride that first night. You cross the room to him and throw your arms around him. Your fingers run through his hair at the nape of his neck.

“Tae, I asked you to fuck me. I wanted this more than I care to admit. You looked so good in that outfit today. I couldn’t help myself.”

He wraps his fingers into your hair and pulls your head back gently. He angles your head so that your mouth is free for him to kiss. He presses his mouth hard against yours. Your lips are swollen and bitten, but you kiss him back with all the affection that you're feeling. You part your lips for his tongue as it snakes back into your mouth. You feel yourself getting aroused again, and you laugh into Tae’s mouth.

“Tae, I worked all day. I kind of want to just take it easy,” you say against his mouth, immediately regretting it when his breath is no longer on your lips.

He laughs and pulls you into a hug then lets go. He walks over and picks up your shirt for you. You still have your skirt sitting on your hips where he left it, and you adjusted your bra in the bathroom. With your shirt adjusted on you, you watch Tae put on a shirt and a pair of loose comfy pants.

“Want to watch a movie?” he asks.

You smile up at him, taking his hand. “As long as it isn’t Woody Allen.”

***

After that night in Tae’s bedroom, whenever the two of you are together, you struggle to keep your hands off of each other. Whether you’re in the kitchen at the apartment, in the car together, or in Taehyung's room, you are touching each other somehow.

Being with Tae feels amazing when you’re together, but it’s hard because he is so rarely around, and you can’t have normal dates with him. After about 3 months of talking, you’ve only seen each other a few times. You feel grateful for the time that you have with him, but half the time he is too exhausted to do more than lie on the couch or in his bed together.

You love the way that Tae makes you feel, but you don’t love the way that you feel when you see him on some gossip site. You know they’re just fishing for whatever story they can get, and his name gets clicks. It still doesn’t feel good. You have mixed feelings about everything in your relationship, but you keep it to yourself.

One Friday afternoon, Tae texts you to make plans for the weekend. You see the text, but you are swamped with work and ignore it. Two hours later, he texts you again, asking if you’re angry with him.

You: No. I’m not angry. I’m just busy. What’s the plan?

Tae: I’ll pick you up at 7 tonight. I’m taking you to dinner.

Tae: AND BONUS! You can stay over tonight if you want.

You haven’t been able to stay the night at Tae’s place throughout your whole relationship because he has manager’s coming in early every morning. The other member’s girlfriends tend to leave around the same time that you do, and you’ve made friends with some of them. You feel your heart flip slightly as you read the words. You smile to yourself, trying to plan what cute jammies you’re going to take and then not wear.

When Tae picks you up, you’re wearing a dress with lace panties underneath. You made yourself up a little bit, but you figured you didn’t need to dress too nicely since dinner with Tae was always just at his house. When the driver, Beoseon, opens the door, you are taken aback by the site of Tae in a suit. He looks deadly, and you feel sinful just looking at him.

“Wow. I feel underdressed,” you say as you kiss his cheek.

“No way. You look amazing!” he says as he gives you a cheeky look that you have grown to recognize from him. “I have a special plan for us tonight.”

The two of you are all smiles in the car, hands searching each other. You hook your fingers into the waistband of his trousers, and you sneak your way into his pubic hair, resting at the base of his cock. You don’t wrap your hand around it, don’t grab on to it. Instead, you just run your fingernails gently over the skin through the hair. Teasing Taehyung is one of your favorite things because he’s normally silly and mild mannered, but as soon as he gets aroused, he becomes a determined little demon.

Tae sits still, smirking over at you while you tease. You can feel him growing harder, but he doesn’t reveal any of it on his face. Working Tae up just means that things are going to be better for you later. You smile to yourself thinking of all the things that the two of you could do.

“So, what are we having for dinner tonight?” you ask casually, as your fingers caress his cock gently, and you look up at him.

“Like I said, I have something special planned. It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you. Though, if you keep that up, I’m gonna have something else in store for you too.”

The car turns a different way than it usually would to take you to Tae’s place, and you look at him with surprise. He has only taken you out the first time when you went to Ihwa Village. You’d had so much fun wandering around looking at the art with him, but you were worried about being in a public place. It was Friday night. Places would be busy. People would be walking wherever you went.

The car pulls into a service parking lot under the Horim Art Center, and you look at Tae confused. You go in through the employee entrance and take the elevator up. When you walk through the doors of the restaurant, the entire place is empty except a server, a bartender,and the kitchen staff. You turn to Tae and smile. He takes your hands in his and pulls you along to the table.

“Only the best for you, jagiya.”

The man leading you to the table pulls out a chair for you and then for Tae. This place is so fancy, and you feel a lot underdressed in your summer dress. You feel like this is the kind of place that you need to be dressed to the nines in high heels with your hair actually done instead of messily curled when you got home from work.

“Kim Taehyung, you did not tell me that I needed to be dressed for a place like this,” you glare at him.

He laughs. “y/n, you do not need to be dressed up. It’s just you and I here. We aren’t trying to impress anyone.”

“Well, maybe I’m trying to impress you,” you coo, trying to use your seductive tone on him.

Realizing that it’s just the two of you in the restaurant, you are determined to get him worked up. You slide your hand sneakily under your dress, and Tae quirks his eyebrow at you. You remove the black lace in one swift movement and the reach under the table to place it in Tae’s hand. It’s a little more awkward than you’d pictured, but it does the trick when the warm fabric hits his hand. You see his eyes widen at the feeling of them.

“Is someone feeling a little naughty?” he asks.

You wink at him and open your menu like nothing just happened. The food on the menu is all super expensive, and you are taken aback by the prices on it. You wouldn’t spend this much on dinner, opting instead to just go to the barbecue by your house. You look at Tae, and he’s smiling softly at you, an intimacy in his eyes that you haven’t seen before.

The waiter comes over and Tae orders wine for you, and you order your food.

“Tae, you shut down this whole restaurant just for me?”

“Of course not. That’s absurd.” When you cast him a confused look, he smiles. “I shut down the whole museum.”

You can feel the heat in your cheeks as the flattery overwhelms you. You know that he’s rich and famous and can do things like this but still.

“We can eat and take in some of the museum...then go back to your place maybe?” he asks.

What? What is happening? I thought he said you could stay the night with him, not him staying the night with you.

“What?” you blurt out after finishing your sip of wine.

“I’ve just never seen where you live. Not in person anyway. I just want to feel what it feels like in a space that you created.”

Your heart feels like it’s going to fucking explode. You absentmindedly start running your foot up the inside of Tae’s leg, and you reach for his hand across the table. He grabs yours loosely with one hand, and the other hand snags your foot and pulls it up toward his crotch. While the waiter delivers your food, Tae slides your shoe off, and you press your foot gently against the bulge in his pants. You can’t even start eating yet you are so focused on the way that Tae feels in your hand and against your foot.

You adjust the way that your fingers are intertwined and move both of your hands toward your mouth. Your tongue creeps out of your mouth, and you lick up the length of his pointer finger. With a satisfied little smile, you pull your fingers away and sink your whole mouth down onto the finger, sucking slowly up the length of it, staring into his eyes. There is a fire behind his eyes, and he growls a little under his breath.

“Filthy girl. We should eat dinner, and then you can tease me some more.”

“Though this food looks amazing, it’s not really what I’m craving right now, Tae,” you pout.

“Tell you what. If you eat your dinner like a good girl, you can come sit in my lap.”

Tae chuckles to himself, placing your foot on the floor, adjusting himself, and picking up his chopsticks to eat. He looks like he’s proud of the comment he’s just made, and you roll your eyes at him. You can’t deny that the comment sent heat straight to your core, but you don’t like proving him right.

You straighten your napkin in your lap and begin to eat. You look at him through your lashes, but you make sure to hold your posture perfectly like you are unaffected by his comment. The two of you eat silently for a few minutes before picking conversation back up.

When you finish eating, Tae takes you on a tour through the whole museum. He shows you all of his favorite exhibits, and the two of you spend much of the time laughing and kissing. You aren’t sure if he’s forgotten that he has your underwear in his pocket or if he’s just biding his time, but you love the little game that you’re playing.

By the end of the evening, your heart is full to bursting with the love for the man with you, and you don’t ever want to let go of his hand.

“Tae…” you pause.

He raises his eyebrows and looks at you with that curious, dark stare of his, and you feel like you’re going to melt.

“You feel like home.”

The smile that rips across his face feels like the first warm day of the spring. It wraps you up in its comfort, and you feel yourself falling even deeper for him in that moment. There are things about his life that you don’t love, but you know that you love him.

“y/n, no one has ever felt more like home to me than you do.”

You can’t control yourself, and you throw your arms around him, pulling him tightly against you while you kiss his lips. This kiss feels different, like the first kiss after saying I love you. But I love you means so many different things to so many different people, and the feeling of being home feels right to you.

Later that night, you are lying naked on Tae’s bed, hair tousled, feeling exhausted. You and Tae are having your designating scrolling time on your phones, and you hear him whisper, “Oh fuck.”

“What’s wrong?” you ask him softly, worried that something has come up with the band.

“I-I have to go.” He shoots up off the bed and throws a pair of pants on quickly before darting to the door.

You look flabbergasted at him, worried that something is really wrong.

“I’ll be back soon. I promise.”

He disappears out the door, and you’re left to wonder what you should even be doing.

*********

“This is so bad,” Tae groans as he holds his head.

He’s pacing in the kitchen while Jimin is trying to comfort him.

“Honestly, it can’t be that bad. The company will take care of it. There were only so many people there, they’re going to find who did it.”

“It’s….just...these pictures are bad, hyung. They’re really bad. Look.”

He hands his phone to Jimin whose eyes widen upon seeing the pictures on the screen. Tears are starting to roll down Tae’s cheeks, and he looks at Jimin wildly. Jimin wraps his arms around him and holds him closely. Neither man is really sure what to do.

On the screen of Tae’s phone are several slightly grainy photos of him in the restaurant earlier that night. Your face is completely visible, and your tongue is running along his finger in one of them. His finger is in your mouth in another.

“This is so bad,” he sobs out. “I can’t believe I did this to her.”

While Jimin is telling him to just breathe, you emerge from Tae’s room, hair messily thrown up. You look confused and as soon as you see the tears in Tae’s eyes, you run to him.

“y/n, I fucked up,” he whispers.

“Tae, it’s going to be okay. Shhh. Breathe through it. Tell me what happened.”

The way that you’re looking at him with so much concern in your eyes about something that he’s done to you, the last thing that he ever wanted to happen to you, something he promised wouldn’t happen. He can’t say it, so he just picks up his phone and hands it to you.

“What the-” you trail off as you look at the pictures retweeted by hundreds of thousands of people already.

Your face turns white as you look up from the screen at Tae. Your expression is grim, and he can’t tell if you’re angry or sad or numb. He’s so worried about what you’re going to say as you look at him. Instead of saying something, you turn and walk down the hall back into his room. He looks puzzled at the door, unsure what the hell you’re doing.

You return with your bag that you brought to stay the night and your phone in hand. You don’t look at him as you walk out the front door of the apartment.

“Wait, y/n, wait!” he shouts after you, taking off down the hallway.

Jimin catches him and holds him firmly in place, deceptively strong for his size.

“You have to let her go. You have to let her handle this on her own.”

The hot tears are gushing from Taehyung’s eyes, and he feels like a volcano of devastation is erupting out of him. He isn’t sure he’s ever sobbed this hard and definitely not in the last few years. His stupidity and carelessness caused you to be photographed with him. He is the reason that risque pictures of you are now online. He knows that the company will catch them, if they haven’t already, but it’s not consolation for the cost of losing you.

******

Your chest heaves as you ride in the back of the car. Beoseon is silent, but you can see his eyes flitting back to you in the rearview mirror every couple of minutes. You wish it wasn’t such a long trip home. You just want to get out and walk and feel the cool air on your face. This car is suffocating, the air inside stale and recycled. You ride in the back of the car until you can’t take it anymore. Beoseon pulls over and lets you out, and you take off briskly down the sidewalk.

You breathe in the humid midsummer air, and you think that this has to be a joke. Taehyung and Jimin had to be playing the worst prank of all time on you. He was going to call you any moment and tell you “gotcha! Jimin took them!”

It wasn’t though. You weren’t going to get that call because you say the tweet. You saw the retweets. You didn’t even want to think about the comments on it. You just want to go home and become one with your bed. You wonder if The Secret applies to becoming furniture.

You wonder to yourself why Tae hasn’t even texted you yet. You feel like this would be one of those things that he would continually text you about like that time that he thought he’d made you angry when you were arguing about mint chocolate ice cream. This was a much bigger thing than fucking ice cream, and now, radio silence.

You turn the corner, and the breeze against your skin feels calming. You can feel yourself sweating, and you realize you left your underwear at Tae’s house. You don’t even care. You left your dignity in the restaurant when you had your lips wrapped around his finger. How could you be so stupid? Nothing is private. Especially not when you’re with him.

The tears come again as you make your way up the stairs to your apartment. It’s only a matter of time before you’re getting calls from people. It doesn’t say your name anywhere, but you know how stan twitter works. They’ll find anyone and dox them.

Once in your apartment, you strip down and put on your comfiest sweater and sweatpants. The air conditioning makes you feel as chilly outside as you do inside. You can’t believe this is happening. You can’t believe you let this happen. You curl up on your bed on top of the covers and fall asleep, face wet from the tears soaking into your pillow.

You didn’t leave the house or go online all weekend. Instead opting to clean your entire apartment and reorganize your entire bedroom. You felt a little better being away from the situation. You felt worse knowing that Tae hadn’t called or texted at all. It seemed like he’d completely resigned himself to you leaving and wasn’t going to fight for you at all.

You had resigned yourself to showing your face at work on Monday, and you hoped that you would have a normal day. When you walked into the building, everything was completely normal, almost everyone ignoring you, and you feel hopeful.

The work day ends, and the only conversations that you’ve had have been about spreadsheets and the copier. You heave a sigh of relief as you walk outside. You never thought that it would be so easy to get away with dating an idol. Maybe his company took care of it? Maybe you were lucky, and no one recognized you.

Tuesday is a different story. It starts with glances from the other girls in the office.

Wednesday, Aecha comes up to you and stares at you for a minute before you turn to her.

“Can I help you with something?” you ask, thinking maybe she needs help with a task.

“Do you really know Kim Taehyung?” she asks, eyes wide, nervously holding onto her left arm with her right.

You roll your eyes. You knew this couldn’t last.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say, with no expression on your face.

“There are just these pictures and...they really look like you.”

Her nervousness is palpable, and you feel your hands getting clammy. You had already decided that if anyone asked about it you would deny deny deny.

“Well, maybe I’ve just got one of those faces.” You shrug and turn back to your computer.

Aecha stares at you for a moment longer, but then she sighs a nevermind and walks away. After she’s gone, you let out an exhale of relief, but you are hoping that she’ll spread the word to the rest of the women at the office. You hope that no one thinks it’s you. Such lewd behavior in public could lead to you being fired.

That night is when the notifications start. Thousands of them every hour. Eventually, you turn your phone on to airplane mode just to get away from them. This. This is what you were afraid of. You decide not to read of the messages, fearing that the content could be detrimental to your already fragile psyche.

You get a phone call from your boss telling you that you should probably take the rest of the week off, and the two of you will talk about next steps when you return on Monday. You knew at that moment that your life wouldn’t be the same. You wished you had someone to talk to about it. That’s when you remember that Rey has been seeing Jimin for almost a year. There’s no way that she hasn’t been exposed if you have after a few months.

You find her number in your contacts. Afraid to turn on your phone, you hesitate slightly then swipe the screen to allow connectivity. You ignore all the badges on every app you have and call her.

You can hear voices in the background when you call her, but she sounds relieved to hear from you.

“y/n hi!” she exclaims, a little too eagerly upon picking up.

“Hey, do you have a minute to talk?”

“Of course I do,” she says to you. You hear her whisper off to the side, “shut up, it’s y/n.”

There are muffled whispers on the other end. “Oh, I can talk to you later if you’re busy.”

“No, no. I’m not busy. I want to talk to you.”

“Did you hear about the pictures?” you ask meekly.

“I did. Yeah. I saw. I’m so sorry, y/n. How are you holding up?”

“I honestly don’t know what to think. I don’t feel that bad about it in general. I haven’t read any of the messages, and I haven’t had too much happen in person either. The worst part is that I haven’t even talked to Taehyung since that night. I just don’t even know where we stand. Is he embarrassed? Is he in trouble? Does he want nothing to do with me anymore? I thought I knew what I wanted, but it’s hard when I have no one to talk to about it.”

She pauses for a moment, and you look down at your phone to see if you dropped the call.

“All I can say is this. It’s going to be hard and trying and challenging. Sometimes he’s going to be gone for months at a time. Sometimes he’s going to be too tired to talk. Sometimes people who think they’re meant to be with him are going to hate you. I decided that it didn’t matter. As long as I had Jimin, I could make it through anything. I loved him too much to not fight for him.”

Her words hit you in your heart, and you immediately start crying. You thank her and hang out the phone. You lie down on your bed staring at the ceiling for a long time, and you aren’t sure at what point you drift off to sleep.

*****

“Kim Taehyung!” a shout echoes down the hallway.

“Why is everyone always yelling my fucking name?” Tae grumbles to himself.

He stands up from his bed, dressed messily, face unshaven. When he gets to the hallway, Jimin, Jungkook, and their girlfriends are all standing around in the dining room, staring at him.

“Did I hear that you have called or text y/n AT ALL since the night that she walked out of here?” Jungkook demands. Even though he’s the youngest, his tone is commanding and dark. If anyone knows about the pain of having their private photos leaked, it’s Jungkook.

Shit.

“She doesn’t want anything to do with me. She made that clear when she walked out on me.” Tae turns to go back down the hallway.

“Seriously? You haven’t talked to her. You’ve literally said zero words to her since you showed her that someone took pictures of an incredibly intimate moment. How do you know how she feels?”

Taehyung shakes his head. “No, no. If you could have seen the look on her face...I broke the one promise I made to her.”

Jimin walks up to Taehyung and grabs him by the shoulders. “Hey, look at me.” When Taehyung lifts his eyes up to his friend’s, he can feel the tears welling behind his eyes.

“Taehyung, if you love her like you say you do, if she feels like home, you would fight for her. You know that.”

He feels the water fall on to his cheeks, and he can’t stop all the doubt running through his mind. It’s like Jimin sees it in him, and he says, “you can’t get caught up in what ifs. You have to go to her.”

He nods and runs back to his room. He throws on a casual outfit and calls Beoseon on his way out the door. He knows that if he doesn’t do something right now, then he won’t be able to say all the things that he needs to say to you.

****

A gentle knock on your door wakes you from your sleep. At first, you aren’t sure if you even heard it, when you blink your eyes open, looking around confused. Then it comes again.

You drudge yourself up off the bed and maunder to the door. The sight out of the peephole is one of the last things you expected to see. Standing in the hallway outside of your apartment, a sullen-looking Kim Taehyung is knocking softly against your door.

You unlock the door and swing it open to face him. He simply stares at you for a moment. He opens his mouth and closes it again like he doesn’t know what to say.

“Why don’t you come in?” you mutter.

Once inside, the two of you stand, shifting your weight between your feet. You aren't sure what to say, but you know that you can't just stand here in silence any longer. The things that are unsaid between you hang in the air. It's thick and heavy and difficult. Seeing Tae's face after the last several days is painful, and you hope that he'll speak first.

"I..was an idiot," he says.

It isn't really what you expected, but it was true. He was an idiot.

"Yeah. You were."

He winces slightly at the bite in your tone, but you know that he has to have more words to say.

"I wrote a song for you."

Well...this conversation is not going how you expected it to.

"Well, I'm glad you were writing a song in the five days that you weren't talking to me after a super embarrassing photo of me was posted on the internet."

You turn away from him and start to walk toward your bedroom. He grabs your hand before you are too far away from him. You remember the man in the bar the night that you met, and you freeze, melting a little at the memory. The way that he felt that first night was the reason you'd even agreed to any of this at all. The warmth of his palm on yours reminds you of all the things that you loved in your time together.

"Look, y/n. I can't ever apologize enough for abandoning you when this happened. I should have immediately called and texted and come over and hired a skywriter. Instead, I was a coward and assumed that I would know what you would say to me about it. I didn't even talk to you before assuming that you were done with me and wanted nothing to do with me. I broke a promise that I made to you. I can tell you that the company is taking legal action against that line cook, and they were fired. It doesn't change what happened, but I just want you to know that I'm trying to do everything I can to make it up to you."

You know that Tae didn't mean to hurt you. You know that. But it doesn't change the fact that he did.

"Taehyung...I know that you didn't mean to, but you hurt me. You broke promises."

"y/n, please. I love you. Please forgive me."

Those three words hang in the air, wrap around you, and overwhelm your senses. You know that you feel that way about him, but the fact that he said them first fills you with joy.

You leap at Tae, and he grabs you as you jump into his arms. You kiss him hard, breathing him in. Your lips move together, and you know that it's all worth it for him. You pull back, wrapping your fingers around his neck, messing gently with his hair.

"I love you too, Tae. You are worth it."

He grabs your bottom lip between his teeth, and you feel your heart quickening in your chest. You tug at his hair. He lets your lip go, and you slip your tongue across his bottom lip. You want to feel every inch of him, taste every part of him. Your tongue traces his bottom lip and then sneaks into his mouth. His tongue finds yours, and they feel like they were meant to be together.

He pulls back from you and drops you down on the couch. He pulls his shirt over his head, and then he grabs the hem of yours and rips it off, tossing it aside. You aren't wearing a bra, so your nipples harden at the cool air and the arousal. Tae growls quietly in the back of his throat, and he leans down to kiss you. You pull him toward you until he's on top of you.

He laughs as he kisses you, and he presses his torso against yours. He wraps his hand in your hair and pulls gently. "Is this okay?"

He pulls a little more. You nod fervently at the small sting in your scalp. He pulls harder and harder, and you smile as he pulls your hair hard. The pain makes the wetness between your legs grow, and you can't wait until he hurts you again.

"Tae?" you stare up at him. "Do something for me?"

“Anything, my love. Anything.”

“Will you...slap me?” His eyes widen, and he stiffens slightly. “Shit. If you’re not into it, then we really don’t have to do that.”

“No, yobu, that’s not it. I really love it. It’s just that I hurt you emotionally already…”

“Well...make the outside match?” You thought it would be fun and flirty, but it just sounded kinda rude. You laugh to try to make it clear that you aren’t actually upset with him.

He stares at you for a moment, then he brings his hand up away from your hip. It smacks against your cheek, and you try not to flinch as it comes down on you. The sting in your skin makes you soak through your underwear.

“Now, I’m going to show you how much I love you,” he whisper-growls in your ear.

He drops his weight back on to the couch and pulls you into his laugh. You slightly awkwardly straddle his lap from the position you’ve been placed in. Taehyung slips two fingers into your mouth and pulls your jaw open. He rubs his fingers on your tongue, and you moan in the back of your throat. He pushes his fingers further into your mouth to back of your throat.

He brings his other hand up to the back of your head, stroking your hair, and says, “Good girl.”

Around his fingers, you plead, “Pleath Taehong.”

He smiles at your inability to properly pronounce the words.

“You sound so desperate with my fingers in your mouth like that. Sweet dumb baby can’t make words when she’s so turned on.” He’s smiling and pressing his fingers further into your mouth again. “You don’t know how desperate I am though, jagiya. Should I show you?”

You nod, and his hand leaves the back of your head and wraps around your throat, squeezing gently. “Use your words.”

“Yes Tae.”

You are starting to drool down your chin with your mouth so wide open, but you don’t care because you want to cover him in your spit. Tae shifts his weight and pulls his pants down, hard cock bursting free as soon as the fabric that contained it is gone.

“Do you see what you do to me? Every time I see you, it’s like the first time again. I feel like I’m infatuated. A lusty mess.”

You moan around his fingers, and your spit drips from your lips onto his cock, and you smile at the sight of it.

“Does my lovely baby like to see her spit on my cock?” he asks, smirking at you, still holding your jaw open.

“Yeth.” More spit falls from your mouth.

“My love, I just want to feel you,” Tae whispers against your neck. His mouth finds purchase on your collarbone. He bites down hard and then sucks the skin where he’s just bitten. He looks up at you with so much affection in his eyes, it almost hurts.

He pulls his fingers from your mouth and sucks the drool off of them. You feel like you are going to explode if you don’t get some sort of stimulation soon.

“Bedroom?” you ask him.

“Bedroom.” he states back.

You lead him into your bedroom, and he pushes you back onto your bed. You pull your sweatpants and your ruined panties off and toss them aside. Tae stands before you, completely naked, and you marvel at him. He’s so beautiful and so perfect, his honey skin stretched just right over every curvature of every muscle and bone.

Shit. He’s so beautiful.

He slowly lowers himself between your legs, and you can’t believe that it’s possible to grow any wetter until you do. He positions himself about your clitoris, blowing cool air on the aching bud. You squirm beneath him, but he holds your hips in place. His tongue makes contact with the sensitive skin, and you immediately moan. He pulls away after one lick and blows again. The pleasure and the desire are overwhelming. Your mind is losing control.

“Please. Please,” you beg without knowing what in particular you are begging for. His touch? His tongue? His love? All of it?

He chuckles against your folds, and the stimulation makes your squirm even more. He isn’t touching you, but you are dying for his touch.

“Hold still.”

He holds your hips as the gyrate, trying to get attention in some form. He pushes a little hard on your hips, but you can’t control yourself. You are out of your mind, and you need his touch now before you die for the lack of touch.

Smack!

Tae’s hand lands on your inner thigh heavily. You look down at him with wide eyes. “I said hold still.”

With all the power you possess in your mind, you force your hips to quiet. You hold perfectly still while panting in anticipation. You want to be good so that he’ll reward you with the thing you want most, and your brain tries to focus on still hips instead of those still lips.

Finally after what feels like years, he dips his head and traces gentle patterns through your arousal. Every time his tongue passes over your clit you moan but fight to keep your hips still. You feel yourself losing your grip, hips shuddering from the pleasure, and Taehyung slides a finger inside of you. Slick with your arousal, it easily caresses the bundle of nerves inside. The stimulation from his tongue and his finger immediately send you over the edge.

It’s sudden and forceful. It feels like all of the emotions, anger, sadness, hopelessness, all burst from within you, melting into your orgasm. Your pain melts away as the only thing left in the room, hell, the world is the sensation that Tae is giving you. Your fingers pull at his hair, and even the feeling of his soft locks is too much for you, adding to the pleasure.

As the feeling begins to wind down, you can’t stop your hips from rolling against his face. He doesn’t seem to mind, hands wrapped around your ass and hips, pulling your hard against his face. When he pulls away, his chin is shining almost as much as his eyes.

“I love you, y/n.”

He climbs up on top of you and kisses you deeply. You taste yourself on his lips, and you moan into his mouth.

“Tae...fuck me raw?”

You stare up deeply into his eyes, and you hear the intake of air from him being startled. He nods, and his cock presses against you. He slides his cock through your folds, and the way the head of his cock feels against your clit causes your to shudder. It feels like small shockwaves that are left over from your orgasm are rocking through as the stimulation continues.

Once his cock is coated in your wetness, he pushes himself inside of you, and you moan a deep, heavy moan as he sheaths himself within you. The stimulation is already pushing you toward another orgasm, and you can feel yourself pulse around. He has a way of making you cum over and over so quickly.

“I love you, Tae,” you whisper, and he starts to move his hips in rhythm. The thrusts leave you breathless. He repositions himself so that his weight is resting on your legs, and he is pushing your knees up near your chest. It burns in your hamstrings, but the feeling inside of you demands more of your attention.

You moan loudly, hearing your own sounds echoing off the ceiling and the walls. Tae repositions once more. He’s holding your ankles, pressing himself deep inside of you. Another orgasm tears through you, and while you clench around him, Tae spills inside of you, filling you full of his cum. You feel him fucking it deeper inside of you. You relish the feeling of being filled with Tae, knowing that there will be a day soon where you will make him fill every hole with him.

You both pant in each other’s arms before you finally start talking.

“I mean it, y/n. I was such an idiot. I’m so sorry. I know that it doesn’t change what happened, but I think that we can try to figure out a way to make this work.” His eyes are a little desperate again, veiled in exhaustion.

“Kim Taehyung, if someone is worth it, you make sacrifices. For what it’s worth, I love you. Ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?” you giggle as you say it.

He flips himself onto his back and pulls you tightly against his chest and kisses your nose. “Far from it.”

*****

On an unseasonably warm November afternoon, you lie on the roof of the recording studio where Tae is working today. He had a few minutes to sneak away for lunch, so you brought Banh Mi for him. You kissed him on the cheek when you saw him and greeted the other members.

The two of you lie looking at the sky, picking out shapes in the clouds. He’s gently holding your hand, and you are tossing Swedish Fish into his mouth.

“Isatrashcan!” he says with several gummies in his mouth.

“Isa what?” you ask, laughing at him incredulously.

He points out a long cylindrical cloud. “It’s a trash can!”

He looks so proud of himself, and you can’t help but love that about him. The sexy man that ruins you and dominates you. The devastatingly handsome man who wins awards and forgets to call you when he’s on the road. The oblivious man who almost cost you your job and almost broke your heart. He is also the love of your life.

You lean over and kiss his lips, smiling at him. You know that this trash can cloud is just the beginning of many adventures to come.

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