#i heard it was good so here i am

[toriliashine]

Started playchoices Queen B and.

1) isn't this a university?? Why are yall acting like teenagers aren't u supposed to be GROWN???

2) they're calling themselves THOROUGHBREDS? oh they're def involved in familial incest over here girl, get me out yall are diSGUTAN

3) they were kinda right for calling out my yeeyeee ass outfit icl bc what was THAT???

Also

Time for me to dom so many hot babes ahhhh

:)

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Average Drama Enjoyer observes some peak drama.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

I know a normal amount abt waistcoats

[ryllen]

I have never ventured to the side of wanting to romance unromanceable NPC before,

but isn't Wei kind of a marriage material ?

[obsob]

drawings ive done this week for a competition!! probably the most ambitious thing ive drawn in my new style but im very happy with them! :3

[ratbastarddotfuck]

I am going on a 20 hour flight tomorrow please give me your favourite less well-known narrative fiction podcast recommendations

[emry-stars-oc]

The first couple of meetings or so vs… idk like a couple weeks in

Sparknotes version below 💕

1) Bo shows up to Q’s home country bc his family decided he's the peace offering, still wearing his mask around

2) Bo decides he’s over it and if the Bells are gonna send him home and start the war anyway because they got the blemished child then that’s his family’s problem, not Bo’s

3) Q was prepared for Bo to be rightfully upset and angry when he got there. He figures it’s helpful that Bo can rant at him once or twice in a language Q doesn’t understand (yet), let him get some stuff off his chest. Q was not as much prepared for Bo to have such striking features under the mask and makeup

4) Bo’s plan to make sure Q dislikes him in return by showing off the birthmark his family hated backfires with a quickness

[synthbug]

AWESOME INSAANE and INCREDIBLE superior and ps4 art my cousin made for my birthday, which just so happens to be spiderman day !!! :3 check out his beautiful ART and animations ^_^

[moeblob]

I vote for Argenti! I hope you feel better soon!

Thank you ! I do feel much better (though I admit I hurt a little for very much my fault reasons but it's mostly manageable through light pain meds).

Take an Argenti o7 I got lazy and didn't draw the roses I was gonna draw to the left so there is now a wide open blank spot.

[pitske]

"So watch me rise up Open the skies up And take the world by storm I'll flood the dry lands Low and highlands And take the world by storm Every inch of the land, every part of the sky Will be water when I transform it So watch me rise up Open the skies up And take the world by storm"

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[spread-the-influence]

// hopping in again because 2 am is in the timeframe where i become so hyper on accidentally finding vibes like a nocturnal predator

. https://youtu.be/8Gopg80VXwc?si=j_vS5a5xUWvgiBRC

somehow sounds like t.i

// ASHES ASHES DUST TO DUST THE DEVIL'S AFTER THE BOTH OF US //

[buggiesnax]

Happy pride month :)

[zhivchik]

[murdleandmarot]

🎶 🎬 💛 for the Cats ask game :o3

hi hello!!!! sorry this took so long 😭😭😭

🎶. Who’s your favorite ensemble cat and why?:

I’m fully in love with Jemima, but I don’t really count her as fully ensemble, just because of her multiple solos, and because of that, Pouncival is my favorite ensemble cat :)

He’s just the silliest ever, and I’m 100% obsessed. I love the way he’s hanging with the girls in skimbelshanks (the girls and pouncival™️), and me and my friends had a running joke for a while that was literally just iterations of “the girls, the gays, and pouncival <3”

🎬. What’s your favorite moment from the show?:

Moments of Happiness, 1998, specifically Jemima’s solo. It’s so perfect, ethereal, emotional, and whimsical. I can play it on the piano, and I can sing it :] it also makes me cry

Rapidfire a couple of moments from other shows:

Tecklenburg 2015: Bombalurina’s deliver of

“Das Gewächshaus ist zerschlagen”

in Macavity drives me so completely insane. The way she growls zerschlagen makes me so jealous, I WISH my voice had that sort of power.

Madrid 2003: Jemima again. Surprise! This time her solo in the middle of Memory, specifically, the way her actress sings the final “endless masquerading” line. It sounds so strong and gorgeous, I could rant about it forever

Vienna 2019: in the 2021 Ronacher album on Spotify, (WHEN I FIGURED OUT THAT ALBUM WAS VIENNA I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. ITS SO CRAZY), the white cat solo, and Misto’s subsequent section sound really nice, I’m a big fan

💛. What’s your favorite familial ship?:

I’m not entirely sure what this means, but I’m a huge fan of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer as siblings, PLUS Electra as their kid sister. I came up with it once and I think it’s super cute :D

Monochromatic siblings are a must, they’re also very special to me, along with Jennyanydots and Skimbleshanks as brother and sister :)