#i got permission to post here btw ^_^ so much joy and LOVE in this world..

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AWESOME INSAANE and INCREDIBLE superior and ps4 art my cousin made for my birthday, which just so happens to be spiderman day !!! :3 check out his beautiful ART and animations ^_^

[ghoste-catte]

multiples of 3 ✌🏼-sgmdrcklee

@sagemoderocklee you’re really trying to kill me lol

This got long as heck so I’m throwing it behind a cut. Read on for answers and fic recs! (Mostly the fic recs)

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

This is a tough one to answer for me generally because I tend to spit words onto the page and once I have written them I no longer remember writing them. And 2020 has stretched on so long that as I’m looking at some of the stuff I wrote in the beginning of this year, I hardly remember what’s even in it. I think at one point someone (@goblin-draws maybe?) mentioned a line in Sleeptalk with Me where the innkeeper calls Kankuro “chubby boy”, and I was like “Oh ... did I write that? Yeah, sounds like something I’d have someone say to Kankuro ...” 

It might be easier to talk about this in other terms. One of the scenes I worked the hardest on this year was the fight scene in Chapter 3 of Skeleton Key. The original draft of the scene was a lot shorter, and a lot of the backstory for Misaki’s revenge quest was elided. The scene as originally written was clunky, confusing, and as my lovely wife/beta put it sounded “like a Naruto villain” was doing the dialogue, when previously she’d found Misaki sinister and intriguing. Which wasn’t what I wanted. I basically entirely overhauled the scene and re-wrote it several times. I wouldn’t call it a ‘favorite’ scene (I hate writing fight scenes generally; having chosen to immerse myself in a fandom about ninja where much of the drama comes from battle is my eternal regret), but it is a scene that I put a lot of effort into, and I’m moderately satisfied with the improved product that resulted.  

6. least popular fic this year

By far my least popular fic by kudos ever is Pitch Perfect. Which makes complete sense to me. It’s a fic where I’ve written 2 characters who are men in canon as cis women, which pushes a lot of uncomfortable buttons for a lot of people. It contains F/F smut, which is something that a lot of people who choose to read GaaLee probably aren’t out there looking for. And people comment and kudos less on smutfics, I assume because they don’t want their username attached to porn or because they’re embarrassed (which I totally get, no shame there). It’s a modern AU with a sports twist, and AUs are often less popular than canonverse in my experience. I will say though that it has a surprisingly high number of private bookmarks compared to other fics with comparable hit and kudos counts. So I assume people are just a bit more shy because the premise is so ‘out there’. I will say as far as my fics go, it’s one of my personal favorites and probably one of the most intimate and true-to-life things I’ve written? So it actually is a little comforting to know that something so vulnerable has relatively little attention. 

9. longest wip of the year

If we’re going based on stuff that’s partially published but not complete, my Gaara-adopts-Shinki fic On My Way Home is my longest in-progress fic at just over 20k words, although technically I started it in 2019. It will probably end up being right around 40-50k when it’s complete, which might end up situating it as my longest fic ever? 

12. favorite character to write about this year

Okay, this is an easy one. I love writing Kankuro. I think he is hilarious. He is the devil on my shoulder and a creature of pure id, and every time I write a line of dialogue for him it’s the summation of my rudest thoughts about a situation put in the crudest possible terms. If there were a megaphone directly from my unfiltered brain giving running commentary, that would be Kankuro.

15. something you learned this year

I have learned SO much this year! This is only my 2nd year properly ‘focusing’ on writing fic and investing any substantial time into it. I think the biggest thing I have learned, though, is how to overcome a lot of my self-consciousness about writing stories with NSFW elements in them. Starting out, I was so extremely shy and mortified about writing fic at all, much less things like hugging or (god forbid!) kissing. So taking on the smut prompts I took this year and really buckling down on learning to write the mechanics and emotions of sex has been a massive learning experience. (And sorry, by the way, if I haven’t gotten to a prompt you sent me in January yet. I do intend to write all of them eventually!) 

18. current number of WIPs

Ah. The call-out question. My general fic process is idea -> outline -> wip -> edit -> ready to post (where the final draft sits in my docs until I gin up the courage to actually post it). So skipping fics that are just “ideas” on the big mega-list, I have 3 fics in the “outline” stage, 13 fics in the partially written “wip” stage, 1 fic in the “editing” stage, and 2 that are complete but yet-to-be-posted. So, like, 19 total in the offing. (The “ideas” list is even worse lol.)

21. most memorable comment/review

This is such a difficult question because every single comment I get makes me do a little dance for joy. That’s not an exaggeration btw I really sit there and like bounce around in my seat for a moment before I open the Ao3 email. I am not an especially emotive person irl, but there have been times I’ve been brought near tears by comments. I’ll also occasionally show them to my wife like !! look at this nice thing this person said !! and she’s indulgent enough to actually read them. There have been a couple comments that have really stuck with me, that I starred in my inbox and return to frequently, but I don’t want to bring attention to someone else without their permission. I will say there was one person recently who mentioned (not in the comments on one of my fics) that they had found someone who does physical binding of fanfiction and they were about to ask my permission to do that, but then the person who does the binding only does certain ships that she likes ... so that, just, absolutely floored me. The idea that someone might actual want a physical copy of my stupid little ninja fanfictions is, like, so truly immense and completely overwhelming?

24. favorite fic you read this year

You can’t make me pick just one!! (For reference, I have bookmarked right around 180 fics in the past year, and that’s not including fics that I just read, really enjoyed, but didn’t think I could ‘handle’ a second time around.) So, skipping over the ones that AREN’T Naruto ... here is a brief sampling of some faves:

Silica by deepestbluest (rated E, GaaLee, ShikaTema, and Kankiba) - An absolute emotional powerhouse of a fic that manages to skillfully interweave three complex relationship dynamics, satisfactorily resolve them, and give you ALL the sandsibs feels in just over 10k words. 

Childhood Not-Friends (series) by MegaWallflower (rated G, KakaGai) - @megawallflower is a KakaGai god for good reason. Absolutely adorable relationship development fics (five of them!) with the premise that Kakashi thinks he and Gai have been dating since they were kids ... Gai just hasn’t been clued into it yet. These stories will give you heart-eyes.

The Bright Side by gidget_goes (rated T, GaaLee) - This is the Buffy AU I never knew I needed, because I’ve never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But truly you don’t need any Buffy knowledge to enjoy this fic. @gidget-goes command of imagery is masterful, and the way they manage to snap from snark to tugging at your heartstrings is awe-inspiring. Gaara breaks my heart in this. And did I mention Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat? Because Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat. 

Nature vs. Nurture by Bidiza (rated T, GaaLee) - So introspective and so poetic. This looks like a WIP but it’s actually multiple oneshots, although by the end of the second one you’ll be dying for the rest of the promised series. 

I’m a Fool to Want You by BeelieveRosemarie (rated M, GaaLee) - Turns out @tuttiefruttiegaalee isn’t just an amazing artist, they’re a writer, too! Slow-dancing that will break your heart. Listen to the Frank Sinatra song while you read this for extra tear-jerking effect.

Let Love be Known (series) by TenTomatoes (rated G, GaaLee) - This is the twist on the arranged marriage trope and Beauty and the Beast that I didn’t realize this fandom was missing. I’m absolutely obsessed with their concept of Gaara as the Beast

I Could Be by LilacNoctua (rated T, GaaLee) - I know I big up @lilac-writes Worthwhile series a lot (deservedly so, because it’s so good it makes you look at the series and go “Why the fuck didn’t Kishimoto make this canon exactly like this?”), but this story made me absolutely die between the butterflies in my stomach and how hard I was laughing. There’s one line--you’ll know it when you read it--that absolutely bowls me over every time I re-read this. 

And Then Continue by EgregiousDerp (rated E, GaaLee) - Obviously I’m biased because this was a gift, but @egregiousderp writes some of the the best characterized porn I’ve ever read. You will read this and go “Wow! This is exactly how it would happen!” It’s such a tender, beautiful exploration of Gaara’s insecurities and a very real feeling first time, for all its soft edges. 

Cake by citronelle (rated E, KanKiba) - I don’t even know what to say about this one other than ... phew, this is extremely well written, extremely hot, and extremely in character. Just read it. I promise it’s worth it. 

Saudade by YumKiwiDelicious (rated M, GaaLee) - I’ve run around reccing this to just about every person on the face of the earth at this point. If you’re in the GaaLee Discord you probably saw everyone salivating over every new update of this fic and with good reason. The twists and turns of this fic will have you on the edge of your seat, second guessing every single moment. And it will break your heart in the meantime. What more could you want?

the love potion commotion by floating_cats (rated T, NejiSasu with background GaaLee) - One of those fics where you wish the author’s sense of humor was your own. So many hilarious moments in this story, and it brought me a new appreciation for a ship I never would have even considered. 

Finger Lickin’ Good by whazzername (rated E, GaaLee) - Whazz is another one of those authors where I literally want to rec every single thing she’s ever written, she’s just that good. (Speaking of which, if you haven’t read Fools Rush In and its sequel Degrees of Separation, you’re missing out on the best possible Metal origin story of all time. Don’t deprive yourself of this.) But this story is just ... so incredibly in character for a situation that reads like crack. It’s handled with the utmost straight-facedness and it’s so. freakin’. good. 

heart lines by winterberry_holly (rated M, NejiTen and GaaLee) - I don’t even have the words to describe how perfect this fic is. It’s a truly beautiful exploration of Tenten’s relationship with her palmistry hobby and with the people in her life. My heart ached with every single line. 

Standing on Ceremony by kuroashi (rated E, GaaLee) - This is just ... such a beautiful wedding story. So lovely, like getting the best possible warm hug from someone you love. If that love one was slightly strange and socially inept, because, well. It’s still Gaara doing Gaara-things. @baphometsss is another one of those authors whose handling of smut scenes is so stupendous it makes me wildly jealous. 

Thrall by RokiRiot (rated T, GaaLee) - Idiots-to-lovers with a magic AU twist! This is such a wonderful story, and Gaara’s internal monologue is absolutely amazing. And Lee is Deaf in this fic, which I never ever get to see and which absolutely made my entire day/week/month/life. 

Make-Out Consequences by LuxaLucifer (rated M, KakaGai with background canon Boruto ships) - I laughed so hard reading this that I had to take a breather to stop crying. That’s not an exaggeration. The characterization in this fic is impeccable and the humor is to die for. Naruto’s buffoonery truly shines here, and the author’s wit is just beyond anything I could even properly summarize. Hysterical. A++. 

Thirteen Strokes by Luna_Lee (rated T, GaaLee) - Again, like, if you aren’t reading literally everything @sagemoderocklee writes, are you even really a GaaLee fan? But this fic is beyond even for one of Eeri’s incredibly excellent writings. The worldbuilding in this, the cultural notes, the imagery ... it’s all so lush and so fulfilling and so beautiful. It’s a story about love and it’s a story that you can tell has love poured into every single line. I can’t recommend it enough. 

Checkmate by shadowstrangle (rated G, GaaLee) - The pettiness vibes ... this is so funny. Such a cute story and I love Gaara’s sense of humor here. Not a lot of writers give him a sense of humor, but I love how @shadowstrangle gives him a slightly odd, slightly left-of-center take on humor that still manages to be so funny. 

To Court a Village by FanFictionEngineer (rated G, GaaLee) - Another one where my bias is perhaps slightly obvious, but the premise of this fic is amazing. I love cultural misunderstandings, and the idea of Lee trying his hardest to court Gaara ineptly is just so perfect. 

affliction of feeling by theformerone (rated E, SakuHina) - One of those ships that it would never have occurred to me to seek out but that absolutely works with how the author’s set it up. The dynamics here are delicious. It’s so rare to find good F/F porn but this is one of them for sure. 

Tried and Tested by twentysomething (Rated M, KakaIru with background canon Boruto ships and GaaLee) - Iruka’s narration in this story is just incredible. I haven’t laughed this hard reading a fic in ages. And the concept alone (that Naruto can’t be promoted to Hokage until he passes his chuunin exams ... as an adult ... and Sasuke gets dragged along for the ride) is just brilliant. Amazing concept, amazingly executed. 

a fireside waltz by winterberry_holly (rated M, GaaLee) - I really tried not to rec a single author more than once here but for this one I had to. I got about halfway through this fic and immediately started running around ringing the town crier bell like READ THIS FIC! READ THIS FIC! An absolutely smoldering Regency AU with such beautiful, intimate dance scenes. My heart was racing every single time their fingers brushed. If you don’t read anything else on this list, at the very least read this. 

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

I really can’t pick just one. I am lucky enough that @egregiousderp passes me her drafts under the table before (or without) publishing, and getting to read those is a private treat of unparalleled proportions. Some of my favorite things I’ve read this year I can’t even rec because they’re her unpublished stuff. 

30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year

This is gonna come off strange because I just wrote such a long Naruto reclist, but I recently watched What We Do in the Shadows, and found an incredibly talented group of authors in that fandom with really amazingly good dialogue and narrative voice. I also read a lot of fic for the new It movies (even though I couldn’t watch the 2nd one for ~reasons~), and damn if there isn’t a talented crop of authors in that fandom, too. And finally with ATLA making its way onto Netflix, I had the chance to start watching that for the first time and found a ton of really good fic there as well! 

fanfic end of the year asks!

[molnlycke]

100 DAYS OF SUNLIGHT BY ABBIE EMMONS REVIEW

As a disclaimer I want to say that I found the Youtube channel of Abbie Emmons by one of her ‘write with me’ videos. Following that I watched some of her WritersLifeWednesdays vlogs and thought, this woman has tremendous passion and work put into her craft. She actually gives valuable advice, and the themes of her videos are pretty good. So when I saw that she has a novel of her own published, I wanted to see how she incorporates the stuff she talks about into practical work. This is how I started reading her debut novel: 100 Days of Sunlight.

I was curious, okay?

But oh man, what is this?

This book… I’m sorry it’s just so bad. The mess of glaring problems, plotholes, the …characterisation. Abbie Emmons says every good story is character driven (which I wholeheartedly stand by if it is executed well!!!) but what should I get from this, honestly?

There are too many things screaming PROBLEMATIC here.

But let’s start at the beginning.

The exposition––the first chapter’s building don’t make no sense. It has a twist in it alright, but why start with something that turns out to be a dream (or a scrap of a memory in this case) of the actual past, only to get dumped with everything else that also happened following that scene? All of this is told from the protagonist’s reminiscing of said happening.

- To be clear the book starts with the scene of an accident–the accident in which the protagonist, Tessa loses her sight. A drunk driver with a pickup truck runs the red light crashing into the car Tessa and her grandmother are in. Soon it turns out that’s only a recurring nightmare and she’s been home for one or two weeks (maybe? I don’t remember precisely). By this time she has already lost her sight. Tessa runs the audience over all that happened after the accident (basically in those weeks she got discharged from the hospital etc. etc.) Now my question is why not start the book from the accident itself? It all gets narrated either way.

The next problem is the way first Tessa’s grandparents, and then the WHOLE BOOK just downplays consent. Why? Why would you do that?

- Tessa’s grandparents “know better what’s good for her than she does”–that’s an actual quote from the novel btw. Nothing glaringly alerting in that, I mean adults often have this way of thinking about children. Until… they try to arrange a stranger to help Tessa with transcribing her work. Tessa is a poet with a blog where she posts her work on schedule. Ever since the accident, she doesn’t feel like writing (or blogging for that matter). She’s shut herself off from the virtual world, doesn’t touch her laptop, nor speaks with her internet friends. (Because ofc she’s homeschooled, doesn’t like to go out at all and only has internet friends in the first place.) She’s in her room for most of the day, cries a lot and tries to cope. Whether her coping is good or bad I’m not qualified to say, but she thinks of herself as selfish, lazy, cynical, and depressed most of the time––everything she never wanted to be, things hates with every fibre of her being. She blames herself and basically detests life for beating her down to the ground. She feels she can’t get up even though she’s told, her blindness is a condition that can go away in ninety-something days’ time. I think feeling these emotions are pretty reasonable for a teenager. It’s been like three weeks since the accident, and her newfound blind perspective of life. That can’t be easy. BUT her grandparents know this isn’t healthy, Tessa needs to write. “I haven’t written one verse, one line, one word of poetry. I have no desire to. I have no inspiration, no joy. It’s all gone.” - Tessa from ch.1 So what do Granny and Gramps do following their infinite wisdom? Play the girl. And I’m like, sure dude, harass the child into doing what you want. Sure, don’t try to get her professional help or a psychotherapeutist or something if you think she’s faring so terribly. Sure, run an ad for hiring some part timer to transcribe for the poet who doesn’t want to write anymore. Sure, do it all behind her back. I mean she has PTSD and is blind for now, but yeah, this will most definitely help. Good job! For goodness’ sake they treat the girl like she’s been locked inside her room for months?!

When they share this brilliant plan with Tessa, she freaks out so much the elderly retract the ad. But not before the son of the newspaper’s owner gets a scrap of this new, possible past time activity and decides to be a creep and essentially stalk Tessa. But that’s for later.

Tessa explicitly tells her grandparents she doesn’t want to meet new people, doesn’t want to write, what she needs is time. So the next thing Granny does is pushes an unknown, teenage boy into her blind granddaughter’s room for a chat. Against Tessa’s repeated objections! There’s so much nonsense going on in the sequence of the story. Like one day there comes a boy–a stranger, knocking on the door, saying he’s this and this’ son and wants to help. And because, at a glance, he has prosthetic legs, you invite him first into the house then into your blind teenage granddaughter’s room? Without actually knowing if he is who he says he is? Without knowing the first thing about him? But even if that part is true, and he is who he says–the son of the newspaper’s owner, let’s not forget the mildly stalkerish way the guy’s been acting.

Granny shares a shit load about Tessa’s problems, then flat out tells her to meet Weston. “I told you I don’t want help. And I certainly don’t want anyone touching my laptop. I don’t want to write. I don’t want some stranger coming into my house and feeling sorry for me!” That’s Tessa speaking with Granny prior to the meeting. I mean it’s no biggie if she’s against the whole idea because he could help, right? Is this the American way of handling things? Someone give me a spoon that I can boink myself in the head with to get around this type of mentality.

At the first meeting Tessa has meltdown, screams at Weston and cries. Tells him she doesn’t need help. Tells him not to bother. Tells him she wants him OUT OF HER ROOM. Weston leaves before telling her he’ll be back the next day. And Granny and everyone else is fine with that. So in the following days the nuisance has the audacity to come over, small-talk the grandparents into loving him because he’s so charming everyone is in love with him a little. (That’s another thing from the book, I shit you not, the dude straight up thinks things like this. Yes, I know it’s self-deceit.) Weston forcibly takes over Tessa’s room which is basically the last place she feels comfortable at? Never mind, now someone’s popping in randomly when they think it’s cool, telling her what to do––“I know you don’t need me. But you need to write.” Bitch I think you need to fuck off from people’s lives who don’t want you in it. Just an advice.

One time Tessa wakes up to Weston barging into her room (“...he walks into my room without knocking, at 9.00 a.m., when I’m still in my pajamas”). Granny’s off to do her things leaving the boy to stay and make himself at home. Huh, quite reasonable.

Weston forces Tessa to accept there’s no fleeing this situation––one, the three of them (him and the oldies) constructed for her. Because it’s helping.

That’s basically the question of: where’s the line between wanting to help someone and pushing them even deeper when they’re already at a bad place. But since this is a YA romance everything is nice and good and sorted at the end so Tessa can thank her loving family for forcing their volition on her.

- Here’s another lovely example of consent portrayed in the novel: “I told you I don’t want to go outside.” Weston laughs. “You also told me to get out of your house and never come back.” “And you directly disobeyed my wishes.” “And you’ve been enjoying it...” Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing what’s wrong with this whole dialogue. It’s so disappointing and frankly, discouraging, to see an attitude like this written by a woman, targeted at a young, female audience.

- Oh, there’s their first kiss as well. It’s really really romantic. Weston asks for permission then doesn’t wait for the answer! “I’m gonna kiss you. Is that okay?” It’s not fair, because I don’t give her any time to reply. Instead, I press my lips against hers. Without permission.” ...So why did he even bother to ask? To seem nice? Well, as the saying goes it’s the thought that counts… So is this how consent works? NO! But consent never stood a chance in this book at the first place.

Next up; Characters.

*not @me side-eyeing Abbie’s video about how to craft a strong female protagonist* - I’m not gonna say a lot about Tessa. For me she falls flat like a cut-out. She’s paper thin, and dumb, although she’s the novel’s protagonist. Funny though, I feel she has less to give to the story than Weston, and it’s not just the length of their respective chapters. There’s like 600-700 words from Tessa’s POV (mainly about Weston 80% of the times), then we get a 4k word count chapter from Weston (mainly about his own journey and overcoming his struggles). Tessa’s chapters are either shallow or about her time spent with Weston. Opposed to this Weston has a full arc of him getting over the loss of his legs and standing up from it (quite literally). See what I’m talking about? All I get from Tessa before the accident is that she’s a writer, homeschooled, likes her colour coordinated books, and waffles (like Abbie ha!) (*whispers* and she wears her hair in a messy bun, ofc she does). Oh and she can’t live without WiFi. All I get after the accident is that she’s hurting, angry and blind. And now she has Weston. So her backstory is…..?

- Weston. Oh man where to start. Now he has a backstory. From it we can conclude how idiotic he is. That’s not recklessness or being a teenage boy. I’m sorry but his behaviour is simply idiotic. Sometimes he’s really grown up (taking care of his baby brothers and all) other times he has like 1 (one) braincell operating in his head. Bearing weeks of pain, and not saying anything about it to anyone because that’s not superhero like? WHAT??? He experienced, at the least, three weeks of torturous pain and several days of fever and dizziness, popping Advil like it’s candy. Still, the only one who realised this is his best friend at school and his 10 year old brother who was at the scene of Weston injuring his legs in the first place. What about the parents one might ask. Well Idk. Obviously a 13 year old is so good at deception and sneaking around that adults can’t catch on! On this note I want to gift Parents of the Year Award to Mamma and Pappa Ludovico. With parental supervision like that I’m baffled the child lived up to the age 13.

Weston is the nightmare male lead people usually salivate after in k-dramas stuffed into the body of a 16 year old American boy. Now I’ve never understood those people and their preferences of the bratty, entitled, but oh-so-handsome males and I still don’t understand to this day. Where’s the appeal? Don’t ask me.

I’ll just put down some quotes: “It’s the first time in three years anyone has ever met me without that look of pity on their face. The first time anyone has ever looked at me and not seen me. The first time anyone has stood before me—with perfectly normal legs—and complained about their own problem. The feeling is exhilarating.” So basically this is the so called ‘No one has ever treated me like this. Except this girl, my God, she’s intriguing’. Weston enjoys Tessa’s rude behaviour. “So she’s stubborn. She’s rude. She’s a spitfire wallflower who lost her sight and now hates anyone who tries to help her. Game on.” ...Are you five? “Tessa is the only Dickinson who doesn’t like me.” I have no idea why that could be. But, listen, listen: “I turn around in the desk chair, throwing her a hard look over my shoulder. She’s still sitting rigid and stoic on her bed, staring at nothing. She’s actually really pretty. Her eyes are bluer than mine—the enhanced kind of blue you see in contact lens commercials. She has freckles, too. Just a few, thrown across her nose and cheeks. Her hair is braided today, less messy. She looks so serious. I liked it better when she was screaming and crying.” Idk somehow this sounds like every badly composed romance I’ve ever seen. Let’s just say the progression of the relationship between Weston and Tessa infuriated me 90% of the story. You can help others without being an ass. You can also help others without being a horrible love interest, but that’s for another day. YA contemporaries don’t work like that.

Oh Weston, what a knight in shining armour. Three years prior, he had this thing with Clara Hernandez–a girl from school. It wasn’t real dating but they spent some time together (he walked her to class ooooh~~~) so she became “at the time, my unofficial girlfriend”. Things change after Weston’s accident, of course. He tells her he doesn’t want to continue their ambiguous relationship. And that’s alright, it’s his choice, BUT he then kind of passes the girl to his best friend, so she won’t annoy him anymore? The way he narrates the whole thing is...ugh. “But she wasn’t even dumping me, and we weren’t even dating. We were thirteen years old, for crying out loud.” See, this is Weston thinking about what happened. And this is him telling Rudy about it: “What were you talking to Clara about?” he (Rudy) asked. “I dumped her.” Following in another chapter they talk about how now that the coast is clear––Weston and Clara are through, Rudy should hit on Clara: “He wanted to resist the whole thing and deny his obvious crush on Clara Hernandez. But he couldn’t do anything except laugh and shake his head. He knew I was the best friend he could ever ask for.” Such a kind and caring person for handing out the girl he doesn’t really want to his best friend. Give him a medal for that one. Idk this whole business irked me to no end, like Clara was his possession or something. (Yeah, and the poor girl eventually ended up with Rudy, not like she had any other choice…)

- Downplaying female friendship. Yeah, that one happens as well. When Tessa talks with her friends (her blogging circle) the only thing we as readers can glimpse about their conversation is “Tell us more about the boy,” like... really? Because once again that’s the only thing a group of friends can talk about when one of them suffers an accident resulting in trauma. And Tessa’s answer? “At first, I didn’t like him. I thought he didn’t understand anything about me—even though he acted like he did. And I’m not sure that he understands much, even now. But he’s kind. And patient. And he kept coming back to type poetry for me, so I’ve kind of been forced to make friends with him.” The reply of her friends… “Aw ... He sounds really cute.” Yeah, really cute, forcing you to be friends with him. “How can you not be in love with a boy who makes you waffles?” Well, friend no.5, it’s not that hard… But there’s more. After Tessa gets her sight back the only thing we get from this supporting bubble of warm friends is as follows: “LIV: TESSA HOW ARE YOU FEELING ME: a lot better actually ME: my headache FINALLY went away MARIA: yayy!! ALLISON: PRAISE THE LORD ME: yeah fr KATE: So glad to hear you’re doing better, Tessa! It must be quite a transition omg… GRACIE: I can’t even imagine ME: it’s been pretty crazy ME: but good ME: I guess ME: ugh idk mixed emotions LIV: ???? LIV: TELL US EVERYTHING LIV: if u want to lol ME: ahhh well ME: Weston is kind of not talking to me anymore,” That is it my friends. Two to three sentences about her condition and it’s time to talk about the boy. Is this really how shallow anyone would want to describe the protagonist and her close-knit group of friends talking for the first time after one of them lost their sight? Then again, talking for the first time after she got her sight back? I’m disappointed to say the least.

- I didn’t care for any other character enough to jot down my observations. They were bland, they were there to help the main couple, nothing more, nothing less. Weston’s kid brothers were cute and Rudy seemed like a normal, sane character (I applaud him for that). All I can say is the families in this novel are something else.

The romance.

Okay, let me state before anything else: I like romance if there’s balance. I like romance when the people involved are equals. I believe a relationship, and a good one at that, should have cornerstones. One of them has to be that equality. It also doesn’t hurt if none of the involved parties are assholes. The romance can be of any trope as long as the happy ending is tied to said relationship being healthy. And I don’t mean sorely the end product; the way that relationship is constructed step by step should resemble these things. If not, at least call them out for it. I’m not the advocate of perfect characters or relationships (any kind, not just romance) because that would be really unrealistic. It can be bad, yeah, it can be toxic, or a little messed up in the middle. But for crying out loud reflect that in the storytelling! Do it especially if the story is planned for a younger audience! Now let me make another statement: What I don’t like is that in mostly American YA het-romances there are rarely any of these things.

- This one here is probably supposed to be the writer’s well liked trope of hate-to-love romance, but I feel the concept of kindergarteners is more fitting. The boy forces, the girl yields. But it’s okay because he likes her and wants to help.

There are some cases of harassment sprinkled in, as in one party objecting the other’s closeness or presence and the latter not giving a damn about this. Real respectful; but, hey, that’s part of consent too so I guess it simply flew over our heads in this particular story. A fresh and original concept on romance, wholesome and healthy. And the thing is, Weston actually knows these things. He literally says so in the book, “...until I intruded on Tessa’s life, however it happened.”

And of course Tessa is more pure than fresh snow on white lillies; she’s basically a lotus. Weston is the first boy stepping into her room. Give me a second to freak out about that. It’s so exciting! (Mostly by knowing the circumstances in which he did that.)

The other thing that annoyed me was Weston’s entitlement and holier-than-thou attitude. He knows everything better than Tessa. He knows Tessa better than she herself does WHEN HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT HER. That’s the moral of the story. No, but I’m not kidding, some of his thoughts set me on fire. “She wrote about sunlight and oceans and falling in love, when I’m pretty sure she has no idea what it feels like to fall in love.” I’m sorry, but do you know Tessa? (besides stalking her via the grandparents)???? The audacity, I’m cackling.

- Can someone tell me why Tessa speaks with Weston if she doesn’t want to? I mean besides that this way the story can go on. She actually starts their conversation on the second day. Me, personally, don’t talk to people whose presence I can barely tolerate. How silly, I know.

- Weston annoys the shit put of Tessa for like five minutes but he talks to her, (for his own selfish reasons may I add––Weston, honey, if you want people not to pity you try helping blind little kids who actually want your help) and brings her flowers, and chocolate so I guess it’s reasonable that approximately four days later Tessa’s attitude shifts to comparing him to sunlight. “Weston is everything And all at once. Weston is gentle And harsh. Weston can be blindingly bright But then he can also be Delicately soft. Weston is a paradox.” – Oof girl.

- Let me tell you kids just because someone annoys or teases you and you tolerate it––that’s not the get-go to life changing love. Even though he’s the first real life boy whom you’ve ever spent casual time with. But he’s the first boy who ever showed you real attention, you say. Well then, that’s a grace girls have to accept. Or so this book and so many others try to make us believe. The sad thing is, there actually could’ve been a conflict––if one wants to write about opposites attracting each other so much––without making the story so cliched and weak.

Plot-holes.

- Maybe it’s nitpicking for some, BUT… why was Weston in his dad’s office in the first place? I never got around to the reason of that. He loiters around there once a week, that’s what the book states. Well, okay, he is there inspecting the motivational quotes collection on the wall while his father just works away. And am I supposed to believe the man is all cool with this? What is Weston doing there? For what reason? The answer is easy: he simply had to hear the phone call of Tessa’s grandfather retracting the ad.

- Now why does his father–the owner of the newspaper–accept calls regarding ads in the first place? Is this really how things work? Other employees do nothing? I’ve worked at a small printing company in the past. The management only accepted calls regarding ads if there wasn’t a single soul anywhere near the perimeter of the office. There’s a department for jobs like this. Bosses don’t qualify.

- About the already mentioned beautiful first meeting, where sparks fly, and the lovely couple can roll off a great start... If Tessa didn’t want to meet anyone why didn’t she lock her door? That’s a pretty easy task. At first I thought maybe there’s no lock on the door. But wait; after the disastrous meeting she locks herself away. “The door is locked, and Grandma has stopped trying to open it.” Sooo there was a lock after all…...okay…….

- Why is almost everyone in this book freckled with blonde hair and blue eyes? Okay, this really is just nitpicking, but like, is there some symbolism in that? *bounces eyebrows* Ehem, if you know what I mean.

- I’m not sure if this is an actual plot-hole but I was really surprised by the lack of anxiety Weston’s approach triggered in Tessa. Essentially, Weston is a stranger at the start of the book, with whom she gets locked into a room, without anyone else in there, when she’s still adjusting to the fact she can’t see. I especially looked out for it; Weston closes her door every time he’s over at their house to speak with her. I mean the first time she’s angry; but what about later? She doesn’t even seem nervous or affected by this at a time when her blindness is still fresh. Yet, when they go to Barnes & Noble, a public space with people around, Tessa is anxious the minute Weston leaves for a bathroom break. Like okay, some strange dude tries to pick her up and she’s rightfully terrified, but all she has to do is call out. Now both of these scenes are pressuring and scary, but where’s the difference? Tessa is nervous when the stranger approaches her in the book store, a big and open space with people around even before said stranger tries to initiate skinship. She tells him to leave her alone. But she did just that when Weston first went to see her. And Weston didn’t give a shit about it, much like the high schooler at the book store. And I’m supposed to believe with Weston she wasn’t apprehensive at all? Of course she wasn’t… he’s the love interest.

The whole book store scene makes me so uncomfortable and NOT because of what you’d think. It’s simply distasteful to create a scenario like that only to draw it back to… yes, you guessed it, Weston. He’s the saviour sweeping Tessa off her feet with “Get your hands off my girl” and chasing away that jerk. Why is it that still, in the year of *looks at smudged handwriting on hand* sometime past the 1890s there’s the need to use The Jerk™ hitting on the girl and The Nice Guy™ saving her by making her seem like his property? Oh did I forgot to mention the jerk smelled like cigarettes, and his pants were falling off his ass. I’m surprised he wasn’t wearing a leather jacket or had piercings just to fit the look to a T. That usage of my girl ...ugrghgh I can already feel white hairs sprouting from this. Look, I’m not against the idea of belonging to your beloved. If you want to say it, cool, do it. But when it’s not consensual, and you’re not a couple who already expressed to one another the wish to be viewed that way maybe DON’T FUCKING USE IT. Not to one up another guy trying scare the baddie away. Man, don’t do that. *channelling my inner LE to rap the last line really loud* What’s even better than this? Tessa’s reaction: “Despite the gravity of the situation, I can’t help but smile and get butterflies all over again.” REALLY???? Please donate braincells to this girl. She really needs it.

The dynamic of relationships.

- This is mind bogging for me. Almost all relations (excluding the most fundamental ones) serve a sole reason: cheer on and make the main couple happen. This book is promoted as a love story, one, not limited to romance. It’s a love story of family bonds, love between brothers, and grandparents, and friends. And that’s true for Weston… but for Tessa??? I don’t think so. But maybe that stems from how underdeveloped Tessa’s character is.

- The main couple’s dynamic is so stilted. Weston basically caused the state he is in, Tessa suffered an accident caused by outer circumstances. She’s the victim of a drunk driver, while quite frankly, Weston’s the victim of his own stupidity. And yet, since Weston decided to fight for himself he expects Tessa to do the same. Now that’s a nice thought, even if it’s about someone you barely know and met maybe two times in your life. Is that a reason to harass the other and tell them what to do, not taking no for an answer? I highly doubt it. Weston wanted to get better so he pressed himself, but he made that choice himself. It’s beautifully written down not once, not twice, but multiple times; how hard it was for him to choose between 1, the easy way––the flat grounded desert and 2, the hard scaling and rocky mountain range. He chose the mountain range and that’s admirable. What’s not admirable is, that from what I get from this book, Tessa never had the luxury of a choice. Because other’s never gave her time or let her decide for herself. Tessa says Weston is stubborn and obnoxiously optimistic. I think he’s just obnoxious, period.

- At the end of the book Tessa narrates how ashamed she feels and how her heart is breaking “Because of what Life has done to Weston.” For one, is Life responsible for what happened to Weston? I’d liked to read about how Weston tells the story of losing his legs to Tessa with a straight face, because all thorough the book he never once did that. To anyone. If that happened, he ought to admit how incredibly stupid he had been. As well as the consequences of his own decisions, every time he went on without saying a word or asking for help. That stubbornness is his character trait. Yes, it is, but we never get to see how that affected his family, there wasn’t one paragraph about his parents talking about it with him.

- On this note why is Tessa always so ashamed, feeling like she’s the brute, saying sorry to everyone at every chance? It’s not like others apologised to her once. This character trait only perpetuates the notion how everything others impose on her is fair trade because they only want to help. And either way, she only feels apologetic about standing up for herself.

Mentions of notable things that annoyed me.

- The judgement if a girl need makeup or not, because *banging pots and pans* she’s beautiful no matter what in the boy’s eyes. And he tells her just that. “Are you wearing makeup?” I ask, without thinking. Tessa smiles just a little. “Yeah,” she says. “Grandma helped me with it. This feels like… a special occasion.” “You don’t need it, you know. You look beautiful without it. But you look beautiful with it, too. You always look beautiful. Even when you’re crying.” Tessa really needed to know your opinion about her wearing makeup Weston. Kudos for you for telling her she doesn’t need it because she looks beautiful without it, but it’s okay to wear it as she looks beautiful with it too. Great input man!

- At this point I’m not even surprised, but there really was the girl staring at something, asking if it’s pretty. (Okay, Tessa couldn’t stare but she was probably imagining––here it’s the sundown, bc of the whole sunlight theme). Then the boy answering, “Yeah, it’s pretty.” Not as pretty as you, he thinks while staring straight at her. Hello, is this a Disney production?

Conclusion.

All in all is this the worst book ever? No. Are there unforgivable problems with it? Not explicitly.

My biggest problem is what message it sends about relationship patterns, patterns I hate with a fiery passion. It’s the same old shit I grew up with, and it’s the same old shit that doesn’t seem to change after twenty years. Not even now when,––with the help of the era of internet––everyone is suddenly so woke. But are they, really? All I saw about this novel is the raving reviews praising it to heavens. And there are themes in it that deserve praise––the acceptance of one’s self, the loss, the forgiveness, the overcoming of hardships of life––but what about all that’s left? What about the execution?

Bottom line is, because this is a book, everything gets resolved and all is happy and fine at the end. However in real life, coercing others to do things against their will isn’t a glorious idea. Disregarding consent isn’t acceptable. Helping with the stubbornness of a mule isn’t really helping. And last but not least, perpetuating a mindset and a budding relationship like the one presented in this book––for a young audience shouldn’t be okay.

[uncloseted]

How Can I Care Less About My Image Like Effy? Less About Impressing Others And More About Just Doing What I Like Without Letting Them Influence Me?

Anonymous said:

So I have some problems with my confidence. I can be confident at times but it lasts for a very short time and I begin analysing every part of myself and find new insecurities. Sometimes it makes me feel really disgusting so any advice?? Thank you for this blog btw

Anonymous said:

Even though there are people who like me I feel like I'm not a likeable person because I'm insecure and this gets in the way of me socialising, having fun and having good relationships with people. How do I stop feeling this way?

Anonymous said:

last night i had the worst breakdown i’ve had in foreve about how ugly i was, every single detail about myself was so prominent and i’ve fallen so deep down this hole where i couldn’t hate myself more. i’m so unattractive andthat’s the only thing that people give a fuck about , relatives, friends, family, employers, it’s consumed my life. sometimes i’ll look in the mirror and like what i see &for that fleeting moment i’m so fucking happy you can’t imagine but then i go back to seeing the truth

Anonymous said:

I hate myself. How do I mask my insecurities and make people think I'm confident and make it look like don't care about what they think?

Anonymous said:

how can i appear more confident?

Anonymous said:

how do i deal with fear of being judged? I'm always so scared that people I've known for a long time will remember embarrassing things I've done and still laugh at me for it

Anonymous said:

I'm so insecure because I care so much what people think, its so bad that I don't even want to leave my house. When I go out with all my friends, almost all of them get complimented somehow and I never do, it might sound selfish or something but it really brings down my self esteem, I start feeling like I'm invisible or that people only hang out with me because they feel bad for me, and it makes me want to stop being social/getting out of the house, etc.

Anonymous said:

I sometimes hate my face so much and I feel so insecure and it's the worst feeling :( I hope I like the way I look one day but it seems so hard.

Anonymous said:

I can’t be confident with myself, I’m a huge ppl pleaser bc it feels like is the only way to keep them around, and I guess that’s ok but what frustrastes me the most is the fact that ppl don’t see me or my personality, it’s like I’m just there to help them out, to be their side kick... whenever I try to be confident I cringe at myself... How can I feel more secure with myself?

More than any other question, the thing I get asked most is how to build self-confidence, overcome insecurities, and deal with the fear of being judged.  In this post, I’m going to put every tip and trick I know about becoming confident, no matter who you are and the situation you’re in.

The first thing to remember about confidence is that people aren’t drawn to people because they’re beautiful, or smart, or kind, or fun, or interesting.  People are drawn to people who are confident.  If you’re confident and weird, you’re not weird, you’re a visionary.  If you’re confident and ugly, you’re not ugly, you’re “unconventionally beautiful” or a trendsetter.  If you’re confident and overly serious, you’re not boring, you’re a leader.  A lot of people think it’s the other way around- that only beautiful, smart, charming people who are well-liked can be confident- but it’s not true.  To use a Skins example, Tony’s not a good person.  He’s manipulative and cruel.  But people like him (at least in the beginning) and go along with what he says because he’s confident.  The same goes for Katie.  You can argue about whether she’s objectively the most attractive girl in the group, but she acts confident in herself and in her appearance, and it works. Lots of guys are attracted to her.  So that’s the first thing- don’t focus on changing yourself (physically or emotionally) in the hopes that you’ll be more confident.  Instead, focus on changing your mindset to that of a confident person.  It will make a huge difference. 

Of course, that’s all easier said than done, and the process of building self confidence can take a while.  In the meantime, while you’re on the journey of actually becoming confident, one thing that can help is “faking it until you make it”.  When you’re going about your day, ask yourself, “how would a confident person who’s never experienced insecurity or anxiety handle this situation”?  Then do what a confident person would do.  If you have a really confident friend, it can help to imagine what they would do in a given situation and then do that.  Pretend everyone you meet already loves you and thinks you’re great.  Pretend like you think you’re great.  It will feel uncomfortable at first, but you’ll start getting used to it and the “confident” responses to things will start feeling normal.  One thing that can make this a little bit easier is to talk to yourself in the second person.  By saying things like “you’ve got this”, your brain will (sort of) feel like you’re receiving advice from somebody else, which is more motivating than getting advice from ourselves.

There are also some exercises you can use to build your self confidence on your own. Some of you have heard this one before, so bare with me, but the first thing I suggest is:  every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say some things you like about yourself.  I know you probably feel like you can’t find any, but try.  Focus on those things that you like and try to only focus on those things.  Write them down, either physically (on a sticky note on your mirror, maybe) or in your phone.  Each day, try to add a new thing to the list.  When you’re out and about, remember those things that you like about yourself, focus on them, and try to draw attention to them.  When other people compliment you, add those to your list as well.  I think eventually by recognizing all of the things that you like about yourself, you’ll be able to feel like there are things about you that you can be confident in, and you won’t focus so much on the things that you feel are negative.  These don’t have to just be things that are physical.  You should include things you like about your personality as well.

I mentioned this trick the other day, but I want to put it here as well.  A lot of people who are insecure use deprecating humor to cope and as a bid to get other people to like them.  But I think that can be really emotionally damaging.  Like Hannah Gadsby said in Nanette, “I have built a career out of self-deprecating humor, and I don’t want to do that anymore..do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? It’s not humility. It’s humiliation. I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission to speak, and I simply will not do that anymore, not to myself or anybody who identifies with me.”  Self-deprecation impacts our self-esteem, and it impacts the way people around us view us.  The more times we say something, even as a joke, the more we start to believe it, and the more the people around us start to believe it.  So instead, make fun of yourself by pretending you’re really, really cocky.  If you trip and fall, instead of saying, “I’m such a disaster”, replace it with “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”.  If you make a piece of art and you think it sucks, say, “Obviously I’m the next Di Vinci/Michelangelo/whatever.”  If you say something dumb, instead of saying, “I’m so stupid,” say, “I’m clearly the next Einstein.”  You still get to make a joke and diffuse any awkwardness the situation has, but you also get practice saying nice things about yourself.  And eventually, you’ll get so used to saying nice things about yourself as a joke that it won’t feel so weird to say those things about yourself in a serious way, too.

For those people who feel insecure about things they did in their past, try and think of something embarrassing one of your friends has done.  Can you think of anything?  The vast majority of people remember their own embarrassing moments really vividly, but don’t remember things other people have done at all.  Reminding yourself that you’re probably the only one who remembers or cares about the mistake you made can help you let go.  The mistakes you’ve made in the past are learning experiences that you’ve grown from and changed from, and the fact that you’re embarrassed by them is a good thing.  It means that you’re not that person anymore- that you’ve become someone better.  I think that’s something to celebrate instead of something to cringe at.  It can also help to talk to yourself as if you were a friend who’s remembering an embarrassing moment. Would you tell them how embarrassing that moment was and how much they suck?  Probably not.  You’d be nice to them and tell them things will be okay.  Talk to yourself like you would a friend.

The fact that people aren’t paying attention to what you’re doing doesn’t just apply to cringey things you did in your past.  People are unlikely to remember that one time you tried a new hairstyle or wore an unusual piece of clothing.  They’re unlikely to remember that one time you asked someone out and they rejected you.  So many of the social pressures we feel can be remedied by remembering that most people are way too worried about what they’re doing and how they appear to the world to care about what you’re doing. 

One more piece of advice- stop comparing yourself to other people.  The old adage, “comparison is the thief of joy” is totally, scientifically proven to be true.  Comparing ourselves to other people (or to TV shows, movies, characters in books, etc) makes us much less happy because we’re comparing everything we know about ourselves, good and bad, with a curated version of this person.  We don’t see them when they wake up in the morning with crusty eyes and frizzy hair, or when they have the flu, or when they’re overwhelmed and anxious and lashing out at the people around them.  But the truth is that everyone, even the people you think have perfect lives that you see on social media, are just people.  They have bad habits and negative traits and days where they’re not at their best, just like the rest of us.  If you really want to start being confident, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to mute or unfollow the people who make you feel insecure online, and replace them with people who inspire you- artists or activists or cute videos of animals, whatever works.  You’ll never be able to feel good about yourself if you’re constantly tracking all the ways in which you feel you don’t measure up.  But you will if you’re constantly seeing all the ways in which you do.

Last thing. Basic life care stuff, like good posture, exercising, eating well, sleeping well, meditating, and just generally practicing self-care and taking care of yourself can improve your confidence as well.  If you’re not starting on a strong foundation, it’s hard to build anything that will last.  But if your foundation is solid, all of the things you do to build your self-confidence on top of that will be, too.

[of-fishnets-and-black-lace]

True Love is a Lie pt. II

Request: Can I please have a part two to “True Love is a Lie”? The first one was so good! Can I have it where it’s been a couple of months and you’re dating Sam and Lucifer comes and asks you to take a walk through the woods while Sam and Dean follow behind, just in case, and you tell him that you’re pregnant with Sam’s child and can you name the child Diana from Wonder Woman and also include the young Diana Prince?

Read Part 1 here!

Word Count: 1892

Warnings: Angst, pregnancy, fluff, cursing, terrible writing, idk what else since it has been too long since I’ve read this, the format got messed up when i posted this from my google docs

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader, Past Lucifer x Reader

A/N: I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Shit has been so crazy the past few months/years but I’ve got my mojo back! It has been so long since I’ve done anything but I am hoping that with this pandemic I can finally post and write all the requests I have been getting, sequels to my other stories, as well as new stuff I’ve been working on. I am still not taking any requests until I have finished those in my inbox. I love you all and I am so happy to be writing again!

A year went by since your last heartwrenching encounter with Lucifer.  You nearly forgot about it because of your new life with Sam.  Sam always made sure to be attentive and by your side at a moment’s notice.  He made you trust in people again after your confrontation with Lucifer.  He knew after that experience you’d be broken, so he made sure to be there to mend the pieces.   

You did not want to dwell in the past and think yourself into a  depressive mood, especially with the Winchester boys and your new best friend, Jack, gone on a hunt.  You would’ve went with them had you not felt so nauseous and tired.  It was a typical salt-n-burn so you weren’t exactly missing out on anything important.  Nevertheless, Sam hated leaving you, especially with Lucifer still out there, but you were safe. 

Just as the thought of the moose enters your mind, your phone buzzes.

Sam: Hey baby girl, we’re on our way back.  Need anything?

You: Just some warm cuddles from my moose. 

You: Actually, I need oranges like right now. Not joking, I feel like I’ll die without oranges.

Sam: Is everything ok? You’ve never asked for oranges and I’ve never even seen you eat oranges since I’ve known you.

You: Yeah I’m fine, just a bit nauseous.  Also I’ve just been having a weird craving for oranges for some reason.  Oh well.

Sam: Hmm, I’m no doctor but maybe you should get checked out.  I worry about you, honey.

You: I know sweetie, but the doctor is expensive. It’s probably just the stomach flu or something.  Btw, how much longer?

Sam: Probably an hour, give or take 15 minutes.

You: Ok, Love you! See you soon!

Sam: Love you too! Can’t wait!

“Ok, so I have about an hour or so to check and see if my suspicions are correct.” You say aloud to yourself.

“What suspicions?” Cas suddenly appears out of nowhere, scaring you half to death.

“What the hell Cas?!” You all but screamed.

“Sorry, I thought you were praying to me.” Cas was never any good at lying to you.

“Umm, no I wasn’t just tell me why are you here?”

“I heard something on angel radio, and I needed to know if it is true.” He places a hand on your stomach.  “So it is true.”

“What? What is wrong with me?”

“(Y/N), your suspicions are right.  You’re six weeks pregnant.”

“How is that possible? Sam and I were so careful! What will he think or say? No, I can’t tell him. Not yet.”

With Sam and Dean still not home, you made Cas get a pregnancy test.  You trusted the angel’s words, but you needed concrete evidence.  You made Cas leave for a few days; you knew for sure that Cas wouldn’t be able to keep the secret.  The plus sign emerged with seconds to spare as Sam’s heavy footsteps could be heard approaching your shared room.

“(Y/N) I’m home!” Sam yelled as he collapsed onto the bed. You run out from the bathroom, pounce on him, and kiss all over his face.

“I missed you, Moose.”

“I missed you too, sweetheart.  I got the oranges you asked for.” 

“Thank you, baby…” You said as you chewed on the inside of your cheek.

“What’s wrong, baby girl?”

“Sam, have you ever thought about having kids?”

“Well yeah of course but… Isn’t it a little dangerous given our profession?”

“Yeah that’s true, but we’ve got out once, we can do it again.  Besides, I know I am safe when I’m with you and when I’m here in the bunker.”

“Enough with the chit chat, we have company.” Dean interrupts 

You and Sam follow Dean to the lighted table, sitting there was God himself, dressed oh so casually and a look of nervousness graced his face.  He twiddled his thumbs and a small smile made its way to his features as his eyes locked with yours.  

“Uh hehe, hey (Y/N), Sam, Dean, Jack.”

“What’s up, Chuck?” You said, holding onto Sam.

“Um, Lucifer asked me to tell you that he’s outside and would like to speak with you.” You grabbed onto Sam a little tighter.  

“I’ll talk to him, but I want Sam and Dean to stay close to me.  Jack should stay behind since it’s his father.”  

“He knows, he said that they could.”

You make your way outside and there he is, dressed in a nice suit and tie with a bouquet of (f/c) (f/f) in his right hand, but one thing was different: you couldn’t see his wings.  Your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest, but Sam gave a reassuring squeeze to your hand.  You began walking toward Lucifer, Sam and Dean close behind.  Lucifer handed you the bouquet of flowers and gave a quick peck to your knuckles.  This apparently didn’t sit well with Sam as he cleared his throat with anger. 

“Will you join me for a walk through the woods, (Y/N)?” Lucifer asked and you look to Sam and Dean. “Don’t worry, they can follow behind.”  

You all walk to the edge of the woods in silence, your heart beat faster with every step closer to the treeline.  Through your peripheral vision, you could see Sam clench and unclench his jaw.  He was just as nervous as you were, if not more so.  You and Lucifer finally enter the woods. Sam and Dean follow a minute behind to give you some form of privacy, while still able to barely make out your conversations.  

“First of all, I want to say I’m so sorry for what I did to you.  I should have asked for your permission and talked it through with you.” Lucifer says, breaking the silence.  

“It’s alright I guess. I did some research and I now understand that I would not have survived through labour.  However, that does not justify your actions, what you did really hurt me.”

“I know, and I’m so sorry.  I never meant to hurt my soulmate.”

“Soulmate?”

“Yes, you were my soulmate.  That’s why you were able to see my wings.”

“Then why can’t I see them now?”

“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk about.”  There was a pained expression on his face, you’ve never seen the devil quite like this before.  “I had God make Sam your soulmate after what I had done to you.”

“This isn’t like you Lucifer, why would you do this?”

“I have to prove to you that I will always love you and do what’s best for you, even if it meant letting you go.” He sighed and placed a hand on your stomach. You could hear Dean hold Sam back as he spewed threats if Lucifer were to harm you.  

“Hurt the baby and I will not hesitate to pluck every feather from your wings.”

“I swear on my Father that I will protect yours and Sam’s child. It’s the least I could do to make up for everything.” He said as he kisses your forehead. “Name her Diana.” With that he disappears.

Sam finally breaks away from his brother and runs straight to you. He sees you place a hand protectively over your stomach and smile to it.The words of Lucifer finally make sense to him as he asks “You’re pregnant?”

You shake your head and smile, afraid to say anything.

“I am going to be a father!” Sam shouted with excitement as he picks you up and spins you around.  Tears of joy threaten to spill from both you and Sam as you lock eyes.  As he goes in for a kiss, you both are interrupted by Dean, yelling incoherently and excitedly about him being an uncle. You and Sam look at each other and giggle. It’s not a perfect family, but you can’t live without them.

Time Skip to Wedding Day (3 years later)

You look at your engagement ring then to your flower girl, Diana Prince Winchester, waddling down the aisle leaving flower petals in her wake.  She looked so adorable in her little white dress and you couldn’t help but to tear up.  The audience gasp and awe as they watch your daughter.

The wedding was surprisingly large for a pair of hunters.  Hordes of hunters (friends and some you’ve never seen before), the Winchesters’ monster “friends”, a few angels, and some family came from all over to see you two get married.  With God sponsoring your wedding, you expected something extravagant like a wedding at the Vatican. However, this was not the case.  The ceremony was held in a beautiful meadow that somehow matched your (f/c) wedding theme. The icing on top of the cake was Chuck himself officiating the wedding.  

The wedding march began and Gabriel walks you down the aisle.  Sam couldn't help but let a few tears slip as he watches his two beautiful girls in white.  Dean, the best man, elbows him slightly but he too couldn't help the tears.  Cas, Lucifer, and Jack all smile at you and then to Sam.  They know you two are perfect for each other.  You weren't phased by Sam asking Lucifer to be a groomsman. Besides, it was your idea to have him as Diana's godfather.  You finally reach the altar, and neither of you seem to care about the sniffling and hiccuping. You were finally marrying each other so let the waterworks happen. 

You were hardly paying attention until you hear Chuck say it's time to share your vows.  Sam clears his throat and begins: 

“Y/N, I've known you for as long as I can remember.  We've been fighting side by side since we were little and our dads would go on hunting trips together.  I would always tell myself, that one way or another I will marry this girl and protect her from any and every monsters.  You may have not been my soulmate then, but you are my soulmate now. And as your soulmate, I'm never letting you go.” There was a slight pause and an awkward cough from Lucifer. “I will love you until the end of time.” 

He slips the ring on your finger as you begin:  “I’d never thought I would be standing here with the infamous Sam Winchester, yet here I am with a ring on my finger.  You were my first best friend and my first crush and my first protector.  you’ve saved me from being broken in more ways than one, and for that I owe you my life.  While it is true we were not soulmates before, we are soulmates now and that’s all that matters.  I will love you forever until the end of time.” 

After the expression of the “I Dos,” you hear the words you’ve been dying to hear since you made it to the altar: “You may kiss the bride.” Sam grabs you by the waste and pulls you to him.  With the passion of a thousand suns, he kisses you and everything melts away.  It was just like the first time you two kissed.  

In the back of your mind, you could hear Lucifer whisper “I will always love you” but that didn’t matter to you anymore. You are Sam’s and he is yours.  Nothing will change that.

[yggdrasil-mith0s]

I'm thankful for this community and you all.

Here's some info on me and the last few years along with this community and how it's been a part of me the whole time.

Happy Thanksgiving: recently I've been a little more open about my personal life on the blog. Usually I use the Discord but U do like to share on here about it as well. I feel like this fandom deserves to know the person behind this blog and what I am going through because I dont want to be just some fandom blog. I want to be a blog that creates a community of friends. A safe community for every gender or non gender specific people. A place for people with a similar interest and something to talk about to help get past our anxieties and even fears in some cases. Someone once joined our Discord and after a few weeks they were saying " I saw the link for a week when you first made it. I was scared to join. I don't like social interactions and Discord seems confined and for that soecifically so I thought I would lurk. Everyone was so kind I opened up and told yall some things I've never really told anybody. It's one of the best choices I've ever made (them joining the discord server) and everyone is so loving and accepting."

This honestly made me so happy. If I can pick out things and passions that's make me happiest and truly brings a smile to my face... it's stuff like that. It's this fandom and more specifically, this community, that keeps me going and happy. Everyone is so kind, loving, and accepting. I'm so happy it has come to what it is now and wouldn't change a thing. This person got over their fear of socially interacting within the fandom and then shared something they feared being judged for and never really shared with anyone besides 2 or 3 people. No one brings it up. It's a trusted piece of information and we will keep it at that. We are still growing, too, and I will post the link here soon. I'm so happy I created this blog, kept it going, and fell in love with the series, fandom, and this community. It's funny because I was talking to a cosplayer who did some tales stuff and asked for permission to post their work on this blog. When I shared my blog they said "Oh I know that blog. I dont use Tumblr anymore but I think I followed that blog" and It made me squee with joy. This amazing cosplayer followed this blog and it just baffles me cause she is so talented. That makes me wonder how many of you are out there but being modest, not realizing how happy it makes me that you're here. By the way, I see you artist out there with so much talent and acting like you arent that good. Yes you are. I cant even draw straight lines or a cheeto but you can draw Tales characters and I actually know who they are. That is talent whether you realize it or not. Some of you are extraordinary artist by the way. Truly, and I keep thinking how your work will eventually blow up, at the very least in the fandom, and how talented you are, and you follow me. Thank you for being here. I love you all so so much. You're all amazing.

I have been going through a lot and not as active as I have been but I am working on getting back in full circle. I entrusted the server to a few great friends, I am back in it with full mod access but I don't do anything except watch for anything that may be said in the wrong way or something but that literally never happens so I dont do anything lol. Those friends have done great with the server and created more channels and even community nights. I saw Roleplaying of Tales characters recently, too, which makes me happy it's still very active and people feel comfortable there and it's thriving.

Anyways, I havent been doing well. I have and I havent. In the past few years I've been bouncing between houses, getting away from my abusive mom, losing jobs, then going homeless. Having suicide attempts, one point getting real bad and ending up in the hospital to a "psych ward." It was really a detox and center for suicidal people on hold before going home. I went for suicide because I havent relapsed, thank goodness, but I did attempt suicide. I've drank and gotten stupid drunk but no drugs for me in 3 years+ now. Anyways... after that I got sent/told about this halfway house in Downtown Augusta GA. I went with no other options. I was homeless at this point from being in the hospital for 15 days (including psych ward) and no job. I slowly worked my way up from having nothing to... well frankly still having nothing lol. Btw my oldest brother passed before the suicide attempt. He was physically abusive at times and at other times loving. I should take the time to mention my dad passed away when I was 10 as well. So it was my mom, two older brothers, and a little sister. I raised my little sister cause my mom became alcoholic. She was somewhat loving but once I hit my teens she became mentally abusing saying super harsh things and ignoring my depression and anxiety like they weren't real. She said some of the nastiest stuff. We got into fights. The fandom helped me escape and leave her home. Anyways. I still dont have anything to my name except a house and a crappy job... but this community is still thriving and helping me during cut hours of covid and has just been supportive and amazing. My mom passed away a few months ago. So it's just my one brother and little sister now and today I spent it with my little sister. We talked about things I wanted to talk about for so long. Mom was always nice to her and spoiled her and used me and verbally abused. She literally abused both one else. I have a theory and it's because the older I got the more I reminded her of my dad who abused her. Except I reminded her of his kindness that she fell in love with (which to her was lies and manipulation). So she took out everything on me. Anyways.

So my sister and I talked and let a lot out and a lot go. I might actually have a relationship with a family member that I havent had in 11 years. It was with her but we are reconnecting it seems. There's still a lot to go through.... and she's struggling and got her own stuff going on so she cant help me and I cant help her other than by building a relationship. I dont think it would've happened if it wasnt for you all.

I truly believe it's this community that has kept me alive and well these past few years. Thank you so much. This isn't some obligatory thank you. Or a forced "I love you." This is an appreciation for you all. This is heartfelt and as serious as I can be when I say thank you and I love you. You have been my family for years now. It was small. It stayed small for a while but at some point it grew and grew fast. We have over 100 people on our discord and over 1.5I followers in this community among the Tales of fandom and continue to grow slowly. Not everyone is active and some only come in here and there and that's okay. They are still family and they are included in this as much as those that help run the discord now. You all matter so much to me. You're my family and a part of my journey. Thank you all so much and again, I love you. Take this post how you want but do me a favor... use it to remind yourself that you matter. You matter to me. I love you and I mean it. You are a part of a family. A community that accepts all, never judges, helps each other, and only loves. You are a part of that as much as anyone else. And you matter.

[kyeomhikz]

My #EXO’rDIUMinManila Experience

I wanted to write this because I can’t contain the feels and I have to let it out. This is a bit long so please bear with it. XD

So here goes the story. In my previous article in my blog entitled “Pains of a fan girl” (never mind the title), I stated there that I can no longer attend the EXO’rDIUM in Manila. It’s because I totally lost hope—as in TOTALLY—and I am already indulging myself in self-pity.

It was January 25th and I was like “Today’s the day,” but here I am (to think that I am from Bicol and the concert is in Manila) in my bed, re-watching their random videos because it’s only through those that I can see them. And then there’s my Facebook news feed that goes all about EXO’rDIUM in Manila—girl, it’s a torture.

At around 4:00 P.M. (of January 25), someone I know, my cousin, has offered me a ticket for Day 2. And me be like “…” because I don’t really know what to do. I am not even prepared and I don’t even have my mom’s permission. She isn’t against it really, me attending the concert. It’s just that we are not rich, and I am taking up my internship this summer and we’re going to need money for that. It’s about setting priorities.

Thing is, I promised that I have to attend their concert this time no matter what since I didn’t make it to EXO’luXion last year, so I saved up even just for a General Admission ticket. GenAd is far from the stage, so people are telling me to just watch videos or fancams instead of availing it. But you know, the feeling will still be different if you are actually there.

Though I saved enough money, I still didn’t get the permission. Instead, I was just told to reserve it for more important matters. I cannot do anything about it.

But I thought I had to be there—I want to be there—so I made one of the the toughest decisions I could ever make. It was a very last minute decision. I packed my things, got my savings, and prepared myself for everything that will happen after. For now, my decision is final and there is no turning back.

5:27 P.M. and I was on the bus. My mom didn’t know since she is currently in Bulacan. No one else knew about it except me that time. I’m aching, too, knowing that this is the biggest disobedience I’ve done to my mom. But like I said, there is no turning back. I will deal with the consequences later on.

You might be thinking bad about me right now but I promise you, you will understand me after reading this article.

I’m in the bus when I posted in facebook that I am travelling to Araneta Coliseum.  Geez. It’s too late when I realized that was a stupid move. I was too excited with the concert I forgot I’m not supposed to attend that. It was supposed to be a secret for now but, err.

(Don’t mind my photo. I look awkward there ‘cause my body looks so big. #VeryWrongAngling I sent it to my friends as evidence that I’m on the bus, but actually, that photo was taken last January when I came back from vacation in Bulacan. SML. :P)

And then my cousin (this is different from the one who has a ticket) left a comment on that post. That cousin is with my mom in Bulacan. I’m so dead. So I chat him not to tell mom yet. He told me I’ll get screwed when she finds out. I know that, too. Then few hours later, I decided to tell my sister about it, me going to EXOrDIUM. She said the same thing my cousin said, but she accepted it in the end. And she even actually told me why did I have to keep it from her. (She’s an EXO-L, too, so don’t wonder why she even sounded like she would still have supported me whatever my decision is. LOL. Actually, it might’ve been the two of us going to the concert if she isn’t in her work.)

I feel bad, yes. But I just think that this is only now and I’m never doing it again. Is it wrong if I choose to just cherish the moment?

At around three in the morning of January 26th (the Day 2 of EXOrDIUM), I arrived in Araneta Bus Station. I stayed there till the sun is up. I had nowhere to go, anyway. I can’t go to my auntie which is just near the Araneta Coliseum (the concert venue) because I’m afraid mom will find out.

I looked for a C.R. to change clothes. No bathing. I mean, it’s not like I have a choice so don’t judge. And besides, I don’t smell. LOL.

I just waited for my cousin (who has the ticket) outside the Coliseum. It was around lunchtime. We thought we should go there as early as we can to avoid any hassle. When she’s arrived, I finally got the ticket in my hand. I decided to forget what my problems are and just focus on the concert.

I met new EXO-L friends and had fun with them while waiting for the event venue to open. It really is nice talking to people who shares the same interest with you.

There were so many people around and seeing them gathered together for this one event makes me so happy. I was even happier that I was part of that crowd.

It’s really thrilling on my part the moment I’m only few steps away from the entrance. Geez. That’s the start of “THIS IS IT” moment. When I was on my seat, I looked at the stage. I did not have any regret for that last minute decision because I know I can still see my babies from GenAd row. I’m shocked to find out that it’s not that far the stage after all. Then I looked around. I smiled as I realized I will get to see the silver ocean that I missed last year.

The venue was so full of excited faces and auras. I felt so proud as we waited patiently. Of course, the venue was noisy due to thousands of EXO-Ls cheering and excitement. Then the event started. I can’t move first when the boys entered the stage. I can’t believe I’m seeing them and I’m in close proximity with them. Not the literal close proximity as in real close, what I mean is that we are in the same place at the same time. And right at that moment, my favourite place was the Araneta Coliseum.

When I’ve finally recovered from shock, I joined the crowd from screaming to the point that I thought I’m gonna lose my vocal cords. I was so touched by their messages, and their “I love you’s” and “Saranghae’s” made my decision more worth it.

I thought it’s only through music/audios that I’ll get to sing with them. Memorizing their songs by heart is not a waste of time—it never have been and never will be—especially now that they have acknowledged and appreciated it.

Seeing your idols sing, dance, and play around live? Believe me, that’s a scene that would really break your heart once you’ve missed. I am so thankful—so much thankful—that I am one of the thousand lucky fans to witness that.

To my friends (who’s also into EXO) who got shocked when they knew I’m on my way to Manila for EXO’rDIUM, hello. :) Just like what you’ve asked, I have sent your love to them together with mine. Anyway, I just wanna share that the Audio Visual Presentation (AVP) was amazing—the subtitles are swag. The concert was a a real, total blast!

Their voices? I still can’t believe I’m hearing it live. Their dancing? I still can’t believe I’m witnessing it live. Their figures? I still can’t believe I’m seeing it live. Their playfulness? Their jokes? Their speaking? Their messages? I still can’t believe everything is real.

How I wish I have Tao’s time control power so that I could stop the time, or even just slow it up, so that I could be with EXO longer. But of course, I don’t have that that ability. The concert has to end whether I like it or not.

The moment they’re bidding thank you’s and goodbye’s was saddening. But I am still glad that we, PH EXO-Ls, made them happy again like how they made us happy, too.

As soon as they exit the stage, I was ready to exit the coliseum, too, thinking that I will leave this place with memories that I will cherish forever. That three hours with them may be short, but I am contented.

And now, the concert was over and I’m going back home. And as I go back home, I’ll also go back to reality that ‘me going to EXOrDIUM’ is not real and I just did this as my defense mechanism so that ‘me not going to EXOrDIUM’ wouldn’t be that heartbreaking.

To my friends (Joana Emberga, Nica Joy Agripa, Claire Bregania, Makerz Sasota, Yodel Berdin, etc.) who really believed I attended the concert, I love you all. I have the ‘pasalubongs’ and souvenirs you were asking for. Just get it to me on Monday.

To my cousin, Jayson Malacad, who really didn’t tell my mom I’m attending the concert because I asked him not to, thank you. To my sister, Angie Altavano, thank you for understanding me when I told you I was currently on the way to Araneta and I didn’t tell our mom about it. Thank you also for really keeping it a secret. You guys have proven your loyalty. LOL. I love you both.

Sorry for fooling around, guys. Anyway, this is how I came up with this crazy idea (BTW, I did not plan it at first but you actually bought it so, yeah). I just posted in Facebook that I am travelling to Araneta Coliseum for Day 2 concert because I am upset and just so I can lessen the disappointment I am feeling. But you guys reacted to it and actually believed that I will go. And that thought somewhat made me feel better (you know, I was really upset when I found out GenAd is just near the stage) because somehow, I felt like I really am going to the concert even though I’m not. Right now, I am thinking that it made me feel better because it got me distracted. Your enthusiasm and excitement got me carried away that I almost forgot I am a #TeamBahay, too.

And just to clarify it, I don’t have that cousin who has a ticket. It’s just imaginary.

To my mom, I love you. Of course I’m sad you didn’t allow me to the concert but I understand it. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t disobey you even if I wanted so much to watch. Just please, will you already allow me if ever another EXO concert is still possible? #EXOplanet4 :)

That’s all. So, this is my EXO concert experience. What’s yours?

-Mhikz

(Concert photos grabbed from facebook. CTTO. Other photos are, of course, mine. LOL.)

P.S.: Hey, guys! I put your names because it’s not like this is a controversial article. Lol. Saranghaeyo~

[sunnydawn444]

New Post has been published on Sunny Dawn Johnston

New Post has been published on http://sunnydawnjohnston.com/blog/numerology-report-nurture-yourself-the-gift-of-decembers-3-vibration/

Numerology Report – Nurture Yourself – The Gift of December’s 3 Vibration

Nurture Yourself – The Gift of December’s 3 Vibration

As we enter December, 2017 is winding to a close. In many ways, it feels like 2017 rushed by. Soon we’ll be saying goodbye to the 1 vibration we were immersed in all year long. In January we shift from the inward focused 1 vibration to the inward/outward focus of the 2 vibration for all of 2018.

You got the preview of this energy in November. How did it feel? Did you allow yourself to “go with the flow” and cultivate patience? Did you make time to express your creative side? Did you play with ways to increase your confidence … and perhaps your courage? Were you able to establish a gratitude practice of some kind? Were you able to see things from a different perspective?

Yes, the energy and events this year have been stressful for many, catastrophic for some. I feel you. And I send each and every one of reading this a blanket of love to wrap around you and bring you some comfort.

As I write this month’s numerology report, the Angels tell me to tell you that you are loved more that you know, more than you believe possible. You are loved. May you take some comfort in hearing that you are, indeed, loved.

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine hearing the most magical angelic music singing you a song of love: “I love you, we love you, you are loved, you are love …” Allow that vibration of unconditional love and acceptance to fill your heart. Drink in this soul song. This is the truth. Not what you hear on the news or from your negative mind chatter or from whatever anyone else has ever said to you. You are love. You are loved. And although I may not know you in your physical form, know that I too love you.

This message of love brings me to the theme for December … Nurture Yourself.

You’ve been through one heck of a year. Nurture Yourself.

No matter how busy your life is, make some time to Nurture Yourself.

Nurturing is part of the 3 vibration for December.

According to Numerology, December is a 3 vibration month, with the 12 vibration undercurrent.

The 3 is a very social and expressive number.  Some other elements of the 3 vibration are:

Self-Nurturing, Pampering, Sensuality, Being Physical

Joy, Fun, Pleasure, Enjoyment

Self-Expression, Communication, Artistic Expression, Creativity

Social, Friendly, Outgoing, Cheerful

Sensitivity, Sympathetic, Trinity, Integration

Enthusiasm, Beauty, Romance, and Passion

Since December is the 12th month of the year, the subtle influence of the 12 vibration colors the way the 3 vibration may show up. The 12 can mute the 3’s passionate expression.  That doesn’t mean it will put a damper on your month though. Think of it as a more mature expression of passion and creativity rather than the wild abandon of youth.

The major aspects of the 12 vibration are Intellectual and Spiritual Learning, Wisdom, Integrity, and Surrender to a higher power. So, while the 3 vibration wants to go out and have fun, the 12 vibration reminds you to learn and gain wisdom from your past experiences. Strike a healthy balance between social activities and self-care. Stop doing things to the point of exhaustion. Ask for help. Give … and Receive!

My Guides tell me this month the focus is on Nurturing Yourself. Yes, practicing Self-Care!

December is a busy month with all the Holiday activities and the natural cycle of winding down the year, personally and professionally. It is so easy to overload your schedule and have no time for you. If you’ve been burning the candle at both ends, it is time to have compassion for yourself and allow some much-needed self-care, nurturing and pampering into your life.

You might be quite accomplished at nurturing others. You might even be an “over-giver”. Now it’s time to turn the tables, no matter how weird or uncomfortable that feels. Shift the focus to giving to you, nurturing you, filling your well.

Some things to think about and maybe journal about … then take some action on!

What does self-nurturing look like for you?

What does it mean to nurture yourself?

Is self-nurturing selfish? If so, why?

What does it feel like to be pampered?

What things feel like pampering to you? (this is different for many people, btw)

Massage

Foot rub

Someone preparing your meals

Long naps

A special deluxe night out

A soak in a tub

Someone cleaning your house for you

Other things, like … (fill in the blank on your ideal pampering)

What do you need to feel nurtured?

More rest

Being appreciated

Someone helping you without you needing to ask

Time off

Quiet time off by yourself

Time in nature

A vacation

Spa day

Being heard

Feeling understood

Chocolate

Comfort foods

Permission to do what you want without feeling you should do something else

Permission to do nothing, just be

Stronger boundaries (or boundaries in general!)

Lighten up and play more

Relaxation

More fun

Creative expression of some kind

Fill in your top needs if they aren’t on this list …

Give yourself what you need – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

  Now on to the Shadow of the 3 and the 12 Vibrations …

Here are some common ways the shadow of 3 and the 12 vibrations may appear in your life:

Acting in a superficial, egotistical, critical, self-centered, or manipulative way is a shadow effect of the 3, especially in a 1 vibration year.

Vanity, superficiality, laziness and fickleness are other ways the shadow of the 3 acts out.

Indecision, self-sacrifice, mental spin, anxiety, and emotional stress are the most common ways the shadow of the 12 appears.

And since we are in the holiday season, there may be more of a tendency toward Over-Doing, Over-Indulging, and Over-Giving.

When you find yourself in the Shadowland, PAUSE, put your hand on your heart and take three deep cleansing breaths. Then do one or more of the following:

Do something that feeds your spirit

Create something

Laugh

Color

Dance and sing

Express yourself in an honest way

Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you are feeling and sit with it (it will usually move through)

This is a good opportunity for you to take a look within to uncover why you felt the need to do whatever it was you were doing. Were you …

Stuffing emotions

Not speaking up or saying what you really felt

Denying yourself

Feeling ignored or invisible

Feeling unloved or unappreciated

Feeling put-out or put-upon

Trying to be liked/approved of

Putting everything and everyone else before you

To make any changes and shift that drama, you need to become aware of what was really going on inside you. Now that you know, you can make conscious decisions to choose differently the next time.

  Mercury Retrograde Alert

Mercury will be retrograde from December 2nd to the 22nd. Which means we may experience Mercury Retrograde Gremlins during the December shopping and Holiday season!

Remember, the Mercury Retrograde Shadow starts a week to 10 days before (approximately November 23rd) and will be felt for a week to 10 days after (approximately December 30th). So from Thanksgiving (in the USA) to New Year’s Eve take extra care with your communications (phone, email, and in-person), plans and schedules, your purchasing decisions and your tech gear. Back up your computers!

Mercury Retrograde is a great time to chill … and practice some radical self-care and self-nurturing!

May whatever holidays you celebrate be happy, healthy and fill your heart with joy, love and laughter.  May the Spirit of the Season bring you Peace.

With my love, gratitude and appreciation for you,

Karen

Spiritual Teacher, Intuitive Numerologist, Past Life Therapist, Speaker, Writer Karen is an excellent guide to help you when you feel lost in the dark and spinning out in anger, frustration and confusion, or falling into patterns of self-sabotage. She helps you get insight and clarity, dismantle blocks, and shift the crap that gets in your way of living a more enjoyable life. Karen works with her “Celestial Spirit Posse” and yours. She has a deep and varied metaphysical toolbox, and blends intuition, wisdom, and spiritual teachings with practical guidance, compassion and a wickedly playful sense of humor. She has helped many people face their fears, heal old wounds and transform their life. Karen is on a mission to help others to learn to love and accept themselves, exactly as they are. She is available for private sessions and mentoring. Connect with Karen at www.TheLifeCraftingGuide.com and  https://www.facebook.com/karen.m.winkelman.lifecrafting

[bapbtsgot7]

Jungkook Reacts To You Throwing Him A Surprise Birthday Party ft. GOT7

I thought it’d be nice to do a reaction for the day, and I thought I posted it but I guess I put it in my drafts and never got to upload it, so here it is, even though it’s late as heck. I will also be posting texts in a bit, if Tumblr lets me.

It’s Jungkook’s birthday, and you threw him an extra special party. How does he react to it?

Jungkook:

You had called the other members of BTS, and told them you wanted to throw Jungkook a birthday party. Jungkook and you, have been dating for 3 years now, and the guys and you have thrown him the best parties ever! This year would be extra special since you invited GOT7. Yugyeom was your older brother by one year. Yugyeom and his group, and you and your group, worked at the same company. You two can never be separated. So, GOT7, agreed on helping and going to Jungkook’s party this year.

Everyone started putting up decorations in the dance practice room, GOT7 got special permission to enter the Big Hit building. You only have 30 minutes to get everything ready. You got him all of his favorite things, and you all got him a present that he’ll definitely love. All of you were hoping for extra time to be able to set everything up, 30 minutes wasn’t enough. You heard your phone ringing, and it was Jungkook, you shushed everyone, then answered the phone.

“Hey Jeon,” you said.

“Hey babe, are you at the Big Hit building?”, Jungkook said.

“Yeah, I am, why? Is something wrong?”, you asked.

“No,we’re stuck in traffic, it’s going to be at least 20 minutes until we get there. Can you tell the other guys?”, he said.

“Yeah,i’ll tell them, be careful Jeon,” you said relieved.

“Thank you Y/N, love you see you in a bit,” he said.

“Okay, see you. Love you!.” You said.

You turn around to the other guys and tell them, you all quickly kept setting things up. And, also, made a plan to surprise him. Jin and Mark made the food and baked the cake together, while Yoongi and Bam-Bam were laying down on there phone keeping Jungkook busy with answering many questions. Hoseok and Youngjae were making a plan to surprise him, Namjoon and Jackson were checking whether Jungkook was coming in, he could’ve came in, at any moment. Once the cake was baked and ready, Jinyoung and Jimin were decorating it with a bunch of different little figures. Jeabum and V were blowing up balloons and putting them up and spreading them out on the floor. Yugyeom and you were putting up the last of the decorations up, and finally everything was done. Namjoon and Jackson raced to the dance practice room and said that Jungkook had come in. You received a message from Jungkook.

“I’m in the building, where’s everyone?” Jungkook texted.

You texted back,”Oh, we’re in the practice room.”

All of you heard the footsteps, and the door open. Once he walked in, everyone did according to plan and yelled,” Happy Birthday!” and threw balloons, confetti and silly string at him. Jungkook’s face was surprised, and can see the tears of joy coming out of his eyes.

He finally said,” OMG! Who planned this? Omg, you guys could make it.” His voice shaking a little from all the crying.

“Ofc, we could make it, I wouldn’t miss my future brother-in-law’s birthday, which Y/N planned for you, btw.” Yugyeom said, as he sold you out.

“Gyeom! I will kill you after the party, bro.” You threatened Yugyeom, when you really didn’t mean it.

Jungkook turns to look at you, and walks towards you, looks you in the eye, and gives you a big hug. You hug him back, and then kisses you on the lips. The guys in the back, screaming “eww!”. He, then, looks at you again, and says,” Hey, thank you! I really appreciate you doing this for me every year. This is why I love you a lot. Because you put a lot of time and effort into my making my birthday the best, every year. Next time, tell me your planning something. Because I cried this time. Also, thank you for inviting the other guys over, that was really nice. Thank you my love, thank you for everything, love you.” And then kisses you on the cheek.

You, then said,” You’re welcome hun bun, i’d do this for you anytime. Also, I can’t promise you anything about surprising you. But, I love you too. Now, go enjoy your party.” You told him.

He nodded his head, kissed you in the forehead and went to the other guys. Mark came up to you.

“You are a nice girlfriend to him, you can’t find anyone like you nowadays. Do you think they’ll ever know we are cousins?” Mark said.

“No, and it’d be better to not tell them, they’ll be to shook. Just go enjoy the party, we have to be back to the JYP building in 3 hours.” You said.

Mark nodded his head, and both of you joined the group of men around Jungkook. You all sang “Happy Birthday” to him, and then blew out the candles on the cake. Then, slammed his face onto the cake, and lastly, he opened his presents you all had gotten him. Jungkook loved every single one, especially yours. It was a collage of him and you on every date you’ve been to, together, on a picture frame. He hung it up, on the wall, in the practice room. He then hugged you, and kissed you. You all enjoyed the rest of the time you had together before going back to the JYP building with GOT7.

“Thank you for such an amazing birthday, and birthday party guys. Appreciate it tons.” Jungkook said.

“It wouldn’t have been for Y/N’s idea to plan such an amazing day.” Mark said.

“You’re right, Mark. Thank you babe, love you so much.” Jungkook said.

“You’re welcome Kookie, anything for you. Love you.” You said.

“Alright, let’s keep partying!.” Said Jungkook, as he’s side hugging you and gave you a kiss on the forehead.

Thank you for reading this reaction, I hope you all enjoyed, like I previously said, it was a day late. But, I still wanted to upload it, even though it’s my day off of uploading today. I’ll also be posting texts later on so watch out for those. Thank you, and i’ll see you all later.