#i havent stopped thinking about them. like ever
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xiaolumi resurrected from my heart for the new year!!
#genshin impact#genshin impact fanart#xiaolumi#xiaolumi fanart#lumine fanart#xiao fanart#rameiixo#i havent stopped thinking about them. like ever#i feel like i could go on rambles forever about how thoroughly special they feel to me#aside from… xiao being my love……#but thats for another day#i have all these ideas and i concept them#but i always think i cant do those ideas justice ? like what kind of creative redundancy is that#i got so frustrated with myself that i do not care anymore i want to make things i love#excited to see where i end up a year from now!
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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one piece is crazy fr like what do you mean you’re following up Everyone’s Dead™️ with Objectifying Women: The Arc™️
#bruh :/#im bout to vent cause im mad about it rn sorry#op fans there are many good elements to your series outside of this and i love u sorry im about to talk shit about it#pls abandon ship now and stop reading my tags to avoid if you want#anyway#once i put a certain amount of time into something i usually commit to finishing it#but this arc is like 👌 this close to making me abandon the whole series like wtf is this#i know i KNOW sexist shit is like practically unavoidable in anime but this is a LOT jesus christ#i want to punch a WALL#like wtf do you think women ARE#i want to attack and kill#everyone who has ever told me that naruto is worse than one piece about women owes me 500 dollars rn#like it’s BAD and i would have been mad about this either way#but i think im extra salty because ive had SO many people praise one piece women at me#and i was like doubtful cause ya know LOOK at them#but i LISTENED because everyone was so insistent the women are good and it’s not bad with that kinda thing#which was a BETRAYAL because seriously wtf is this😤#ughhhhh i CANT watch this HOW am i supposed to watch this#why do i have to watch the creepy island of women cluelessly mess with unconscious mans dick trope i canttttttttt#the answer is i DONT have to watch it and i want to STOP#how are yall watching this i still havent even forgiven thriller barks invisible man nami bath scene#like yall i canttttttttt#my ‘fiction that treats women like shit’ tolerance is too low for this#ughhh really at a loss here because so much time already committed and i was enjoying it aside from this#but i really CANNOT keep watching if the bar gets any lower and idk if it even CAN get lower#sorry sorry okay vent over this just#REALLY pissed me off#cause it kinda blindsided me i think
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preemptively sorry for how fucking long this is it is YOUR FAULTT THOUGH!!!! large bowl of seeds for u. it is almost 2am sorry.
SO. there are. two ways to assign the prime defenders powers etc. the first way is just, like, categorize their existing powersets within the prt framework, & the second is to give them entirely new abilities based on the way worm works. delightfully, all the powers they Do have work really well for the most part, so even that doesn't require a ton of shuffling.
categorizing their pre-existing powers:
wiwi-- breaker w/ a shaker subclass. neither of them rated very high, but that's already a rare and versatile enough combination!!
dakota-- brute babeeeey!!! brute/mover its so straightforward. hell yeah babey. i don't know what he'll end up looking like post-heart removal & stuff but my guess is that'll end up looking more like a mover/striker.
vyncent-- now THIS one gave me trouble. i... hm. to say this without talking about stuff that i don't think has come up much already, (hey!! you're at that clockblocker pov! directly related to what flechette says!) i'd call him a grab-bag cape, irt the greats at least. post-greats-- again, i don't know what his powerset will look like after this arc! but if he's going all in w/ the fire magic, that would for sure be some striker shit! :]]]
giving them new powers... man i'm reining myself in so hard from five more paragraphs on Why exactly i'm saying all this.
wiwi still breaker for sure, maybe breaker-master, maybe master-stranger. yknow. powers are fluid, the prt categories are pretty rigid. i... don't know. enough about his situation yet to be clearer than that vague idea yet-- i really like the idea of him just. ditching his body & using a noncorporeal form but he still has to keep an eye on his body i think that's great. the noncorporeal form would b able to change its visibility but still b limited by proximity to the body. & fluctuating energy shit powered by fluctuating amounts of recent-death in the area, maybe probably also limited in that it's only accessible in his breaker form.... also i think u will appreciate this style note from the [UNNAMED PARAHUMANS TTRPG] i'm referencing a lot here.
dakota--in this situation he probably would not. have that mechanical heart and shit. he' would still be a mover/thinker-- thinker rating is for faster mental processing + senses imminent pain for the people in his immediate vicinity. not danger, just pain; it immediately registers ambiently & can be generally traced back to whoever it is. no he can't turn it off ever, it manifests as feeling a similar level of pain, yes it works on himself. + mover-- he can fucking fly. no super strength, just very fast flight & the general "won't splat himself flying into something" capabilities, which meshes well w/ the faster processing & reflexes. i'm split on how exactly this would work mechanically but i will NOT go into that now. i am also not going into the 15k discussion in my brain on why dakota 'notoriously bad at thinking about things' cole would be a thinker but u gotta trust the process ok??
vyncent-- trump!!!! somehow this is the only straightforward one to me? he can copy powers at the full strength or ability level of the original for an unspecified amount of time that's usually 1-30 minutes by touching the cape. crucially, he doesn't have any edge on how to use these powers + can easily misuse or become extremely overwhelmed by them. he's easily the most powerful out of the three of them <33
ashe-- ashe is NOT HERE currently and also it's 1:30 am so i gotta go fucking sleep soon BUT they would be a master. easy. :o) they can make some lil guys n do stuff with them!!!!
in general these are pretty fucking cracked abilities, all of them would b oosely above a seven or so in a number rating once they're really settled in their powers-- this is mostly because i'm assuming that they would still be heirs-apparent to the prime force equivalent, which would b the triumvirate :]] anyway. good lord. this is like the cliff notes edition of what i've been thinking and scribbling in the notes app for the past several hours. sorry if it's fucking incomprehensible. gn!!! <333
AAAAAH FUCK YESSSSSS OKAY OKAY OKAY my response is probably going to be equally as long. so it's fine. oooouh buddy.
I KNOW WHAT BREAKER MEANS NOW !!! I dontttt think ive learned shaker yet. breaker is like.... breaking the laws of physics/shifting planes or whatever. PERFECT for william hell yes. for putting them actually in worm world ... ughhhh breaker/master william is REALLY cool. I havwnt learned stranger yet but i think he would develop a complex over being classified as stranger <3 (like how weld doesn't like that he's classified as a brute even though that's not exactly what it means, he just doesn't like the word) . GODDDD just thinking abt putting pd boys in worm is fucking me up haven't they been through enough. I want to see them all in a fit of despair. william ditching his body is SO good I miss when he would do that, also the powers being limited by how far away he is AND THE AMOUNT OF RECENT DEATH IN THE AREA. holy shit. that's so fucking good . im sure he would not overthink at all the fact that he is stronger when more people around him have died . I'm sure he'd do awesome in the leviathan fight for sure for sure .
DAKOTA BRUTE <3 DAKOTA BRUTE/MOVER I LOVE THIS A LOTTTTTT hellbyes. awesome. it's so perfect for him <3 worm world I'm SURPRISED u didn't stick with brute for him. eyes emoji. I trust your judgement but now i am Thinking... Hmm..... YOU BRING INTO QUESTION something I have been thinking about. and I'm going to probably get derailed a little here but stay with me. how the way powers manifest directly relate to the trigger event. because for a WHILE before we learned taylors I was like "OH i bet the powers are going to be directly related to what traumatic thing happened to them" and then we learn about taylor and grue and a couple more and I kind of lost that theory because while you can. technically draw relations between their powers and their events it seemed like too much of a stretch to do . HOWEVER now my thinking has changed AGAIN and I think the powers ARE related to specific trigger events but it's not as straightforward as "oh something scary happened to you with bugs so now you have bug powers" I think it's gonna be more complicated than that. WHICH. THE WAY THIS RELATES. BACK ON TOPIC NOW. to DAKOTA . assuming his trigger event is still he and katori falling off the building I think it's AWESOME that his powers would manifest as FLIGHT for one. and the fucking. pain sense thing. fuck me up. dakota extreme hero complex cole would be so fucked up by a power where he ambiently senses pain from the people around him at all times and cannot turn it off. I'm sure he would feel so normal about being around william chronic pain wisp 24/7. also I can SO CLEARLY imagine how this power specifically would lead to him getting super overwhelmed in chaotic situations like he does in canon. and just fucking. bolt out of there because it's too much. again. he'd have such a wonderful time in the leviathan fight
I AM AT CLOCKBLOCKER POV !!!! actually technically I'm on kid win pov now but I haven't finished his chapter yet. vyncent grab bag cape..... yeah... I think it would be EXTREMELY funny imagining the PRT in pd world trying 2 classify vyncent like. what the fuck does this kid do . what do we do with him. hes got other guys in his head that give him powers. is he a master??? no he can't fucking control them. is he a striker??? only SOMETIMES. is he a blaster?? AGAIN ONLY SOMETIMES. cannot classify him bitch!!!!!!!! giving him worm powers though.. UGH. being able to touch someone and COMPLETELY copy their powers but only for a short period of time???? I fucking love that a lot. he WOULD be the most powerful out of them!!! I can hear taylors inner analysis dialogue about him now and it's very similar to the clockblocker "DONT LET HIM.TOUCH YOU" panic. loooove imagining this playing off of the rest of pd,,, i know there was AT LEAST one time where he had william sort of transfer some of his ghost powers for a minute? I think it was during the lich fight in the theatre but i just remember vycnent floating and going intangible and NOT KNOWING how to control it or anything. loveeee that. in world dynamics I feel like vyncent would be a late addition to their team (instead of coming from another world maybe he just. had his trigger event happen way later than the other two..or something.) and not trusting them as much at first/being REALLY shaky using either of their powers but after a while being really comfortable in a fight with using either Williams or dakotas powers in a fight. Just like. imagining the fluidity of how they'd work together in a tense situation assuming they're not being complete dumbasses <3333 UGH it's really good
AAAASHE ASHE ASHE IM SOOO SO GLAD YOU INCLUDED ASHE IN THIS I miss him.so much every day. from what I know so far master involves having/making/controlling some sort of minion (cannot think of a better word than that rn) AND I THINK THATS REALLYYYY perfect for ashe. i assume he would actually work pretty closely to canon in that his limitation would be the book? or if he doesn't have the book maybe his limitation would be a) having only a few different types of things he could summon (the big hand, the water fairy, duck etc) and/or b) only being able to control them.for a short amount of time after they're summoned so he has to be quick about dismissing them. can't keep the demon hand around for too long or it might start picking things up and throwing them at random. putting teammates in danger bc he can't control it anymore etc etc. alsooooooo in clockblocker pov they VERY briefly mentioned the possibility of having secondary trigger events (?!!!!?!?!) and you know I locked onto that SO FUCKING HARD. ashe being born with powers and then his secondary trigger event being his mom's death <3 im.NOT even going to attempt to talk about how the trickster would work in worm world/if it would even exist in this setting bc i don't know enough about the types of powers and things yet..but just know. I am keeping this in the back of my mind "this is a fun surprise tool that will help us later" style
#also side note but can i say. thw whole time i was reading the leviathan fight a persistent thought in the back of my mind was#“man i really wish they had a cape here who could control water- THEY NEED TIDE... THEY NEED TIDE SO BAD”#so like..really normal about putting prime defenders SPECIFICALLY in the leviathan fight. teehee (<< most diabolical laugh youve ever heard#I HAVE A LOT MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT WILLIAM TOO BUT..HMMMMMMMMM DONT THINK I CAN SAY SOME OD THEM YET#EXTREMELY interested 2 see whether ur thoughts on specifically him and dakota#will change after both the training arc and certain other events <3#hehehehehehehee#GOD I CANNOT STOP IMAGINING. PD IN WORM.WORLD. they would suffer so fucking badly man.#william wisp guilt complex about his powers turned up to 200#HAVING A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT ASHE ALSOOOOO . AS ALWAYS#now that i know more abt power classes i am VERY confidently going to put mark down as a tinker/striker.#with the tinker rating being SLIGHTLY higher than striker bc he uses the things he makes to amplify his naturally weaker striker powers.#tiiiiiide im thinkingggg would be. whats the elemental one.#not breaker bc thats specifically about breaking physics and i dont think that works for him.#is it shaker?????? i dknt think ive learned shaker yet.#U ARE MORE EQUIPPED AT THIS THAN ME whats tide. tide would also for sure be a case 53 right. i havent exactly learned what that means yet#but im assuming its the whole artifically giving people powers thing and. thats tide baby. idk if clones would work in worm world#so maybe its him and his regular siblings all being specifically given elemental powers#so they could work together as some super crazy powerful team. and then. that Doesnt happen <3#(idk if u have listened to the tide oneshot yet but. its good. if you ignore dodgeboy)#ANYWAY. i should start getting ready for work now. im having so many thoughts about this norlw#hollyyyyyy shit#infected my brain with worms (pun intended)#asks#friends!!!#intertexts#wormposting#jrwi pd#<< only tagging so i can find this later when i learn more and can properly yell about it#new haven wards
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i think more worldbuilding should include more numbering systems. like obviously when creating a fake world or language our first thought is to take the basic 0-9 and make a representation of those, but does it actually make sense for your people here to be using base 10? what about base 2, base 16, other systems we use and systems we dont commonly use? what would make the most sense in the context?
#going on this blog bc im specifically talking about mc worldbuilding but it applies to anything rlly#i think they would not use base 10. base 8 would make more sense#when you take into account the concept of a stack as a unit of measurement#64 is such a weird number to stop at in decimal. but in octal that's represented as 100#makes more sense in my brain. idk if this matters to anyone at all but it matters to me#i also think it's really funny to think about like. HOW they count#like take piglins for example#they deal in pretty small numbers. you as a player only ever interact with them one piece of gold at a time#and in terms of counting they uh. probably have hooves#so no finger counting#it's very possible they might just use base 2 aka binary#In My Opinion. im no professional i havent studied how number systems came to be#i just tthink they're neat and i like imagining ppl using different bases than what we're used to#also makes it funny imagining the poor player constantly trying to convert numbers#not only trying to figure out what the symbols represent (doesnt look like 1 2 3 etc) but also what Value they are#poor player 😔#chat#headcanons
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"greely is a powerful warrior against the phantoms ... they fear him most of all because he is so much like them" i think i should throw rocks at him
#out of love he just drives me insane#craziest guy to ever exist oh my god wbats his problem whats his ISSUE i havent stopped thinking about this for so long#they fear him most of all because he is so much like them. ohhhh ohhh aauuuuu#i love an old man thats so isolated from everyone
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2023 / oh to be such a lesbian that your crush turns into a god and changes the laws of the universe itself in order to change your fate. meduka meguka you truly are like no other.
#madoka magica#pmmm#madoka kaname#magical girl#puella magi madoka magica#fanart#orbs art#anyway. these were quick lazy stuff but im very happy with them. trying very hard to change how i draw#i need to be more chill and silly about it. feeling to stiff and bleh about drawing lately. this was v good for me#i had wanted to shade this but itd take so much effort to shade the lineless and the lined its not really worth it#i think it looks good as is and ik id just get bored and then never finish this drawing ever if i tried to shade it#anyway. just rewatched this show and. its so good. it like. changed something in me when i first watched it 6 years ago#and not exaggerating. i have though about this show almost every single day since then. my brain ran with the whole concept#thats good though. its been 1 of 2 main focuses since i was 11. it means a whole lot to me. when i finally learned of and watched rebellion#my little brain was ecstatic. i hadnt felt joy love and inspiration like that in such a long time and i havent since.#idk. its my only main special interest that wasnt tainted by others thinking it was stupid. hell even my mo watched the show and loved it#anyway ill stop talking now uh. its 6am and im rambling. not that i wouldnt do that at 6pm too
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I AM NOT BRAVE I COULD SO EASILY BE UNABASHEDLY MYSELF IN EVERY WEIRD CRINGEY WAY AND SURROUND MYSELF WITH SIMILAR PEOPLE BUT I JUST DONT IM SO SCARED OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY LIKE IVE NEVER KNOWN ANYTHING BAD TO COME OF BEING MYSELF SO WHY AM I SO TERRIFIED OF IT IM SO SICK OF WAITING FOR LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE TO COME MY WAY BECAUSE THAT'S NOT FAIR WE ARE ALL SO DISGUSTED BY OURSELVES AND I WANT TO BE THE PERSON THAT CAN BE THEMSELF SO SHAMELESSLY THAT OTHER PEOPLE CAN TOO BUT I JUST CANT BECAUSE IM NOT BRAVE AND I FEAR I NEVER WILL BE anyway im going grocery shopping does anyone want anything
#could claw my skin off with how angry i make myself like this cowardice goes against everything in me#goes against how i was raised goes against what i believe and yet here i am so terrified of my peer group and FOR WHAT#I DONT EVEN LIKE MOST OF THEM ARE YOU JOKING#if you ever think about starting a family i beg you dont do it in a small town it will CRIPPLE your child the shame will not leave#like???? NOTHING is stopping me from dressing how i want and talking about what i want and sharing my interests#BUT I JUST DONT DO IT#IM PERPETUALLY WAITING FOR AN ENVIRONMENT SUITED TO ME#LIKE UNI WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WHEN I WAS TRULY MYSELF AND I HAVENT DONE THAT#SO IM LIKE 'OH OKAY IVE STILL GOT THE REST OF MY LIFE TO FIND SOMEWHERE'#AND THAT'S TRUE BUT I FUCKING HATE THAT ATTITUDE LIKE THAT IS NOT MY KIND OF ATTITUDE#im not just gonna hole away and wait for everything else to be fixed for me FUCK THAT#BUT IM SO SCARED OF EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE#and the worst part is the friends i have rn would probably not even give a fuck#like yeah id probably not be as close with some of them bc they just wouldnt get it#but the MAJORITY would be supportive bc these are genuinely the best friends ive ever had#and i would MAKE MORE FRIENDS THAT *DID* GET IT BY PUTTING MYSELF IN ENVIRONMENTS I ENJOYED#like if i joined book clubs to talk about fantasy or started courses to talk about writing (i am gonna focus on this a lot after uni tbh)#or if i just interacted with just genuinely cringey shit irl that i ENJOY but i WONT and it pisses the fuck out of me#like i used to feel such genuine fear for the weird kids at school bc i could see the torment they would be faced with#but out of the two of us i was significantly more pathetic in my shitty 15+ girl group going to parties#and getting traumatised to fit in. i loved it at the time dont get me wrong i thought i was hot shit#but like. why am i still so scared of what my 16 y/o hometown girl group would think#i dont even LIKE those bitches COME OFF IT LMFAO even my CURRENT hometown friend group didnt like them#bc even THEY let themselves be more authentic at school it was literally just me being a coward#like i'll slag off my hometown group til the cows come home bc they're Not Great but in secondary school i didnt even SPEAK to those girls#and sure it was a big school but to not be able to remember a time i spoke to them even once in five years?#is that something to be proud of? is that the girl i still want to embody? are we seriously still fucking doing this?#and i have the nerve to let everyone think im the strong one of the group. gtfo im so fucking mad about this#hella goes home
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Sorry I'm crazy about polls but my autistically flavored brain thought up of 2 more and the shipping one isn't even over yet. Please help
#*not joking about the autism i suffer every hour of every day. every morning i break my legs. and every afternoon i break my arms-#i have like 8 polls on this blog already i need to be stopped#but i swear i wanna make a poll of how old everyone thinks their wizard oc/self insert to be#and i havent even posted my personal lore headcanons yet. theres like 6 of those#have you guys ever had like 800 good ideas in your head for like 5 years because you have no mtoivation to post them. thats whats happening#if anyones interested i actually will#actually no nvm. i will post my shit even if no one cares because im Silly likw that#completely unrelated: i want to talk about morganthe x adult wizard bc people have been tagging that under my poll and i love it??????#i wanna def talk about that#and maybe make another poll with all the npcs ive forgotten- (gets shot)#wizard101#w101#wiz101#text posts
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dear websites on the internet that use ads as revenue: I wouldn't block your ads if you didn't make then so fucking intrusive and annoying. a small ad here and there that doesn't pop up in the middle of my reading and distract me, doesn't suddenly start loudly speaking to me, doesn't interrupt my streams and videos without warning and make me miss stuff, and doesn't make the website completely unusable, etc, is perfectly fine! I'll accept simple ads that don't get in my way and not block them. the state ads are in right now is so intrusive, annoying, and distracting that I need to block them for my own sanity.
i'm autistic and adhd. you can't play a video ad louder than what I'm watching/listening to suddenly without warning. it's a sensory nightmare. you can't have bright flashy ads pop up over the entire page while i'm trying to read something. it's painful and extremely distracting! i'll leave your website and not finish reading the article and never come back. even for non autistic/adhd/nd people it's annoying as hell. companies like youtube are so upset at us for blocking ads and they punish US for it, but why don't they start trying to make their ads less intrusive and annoying so that we don't feel the need to block them in the first place!!!!!
like for example. don't interrupt the middle of videos we are watching. put a quiet ad banner up instead over the bottom of the video like in the good old days. those didn't bother me and I didn't feel the need to block them. these video ads are horrible and I will always try to find a way to block them.
#tumblr ads are kinda annoying at least they blend in with normal posts and i can scroll past them like other posts i dont care about#they arent insanely intrusive and annoying like other websites so i can deal with it#theres so many sites with so many ads thar it literally breaks the site and it's unusable. why do they think thats a good idea#video ads give me a very specific type of autistic rage though#one reason i stopped watching twitch streams. cant stand the insanely intrusive video ads that attack without warning#and cause you to miss part of the stream youre watching!!!!!#havent figured out a way to block those ever since they did something to get around every blocker. sighs#lee text#lee rambles#i swear theyd program ads into our brains if they could. watch this unskippable 5 min mind ad before you can finish washing your dishes!#if brain computers become a thing dont fall for it! it will become an ad hell inside your mind!
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#officially we wont know how things will shake down until next week#but unofficially?? i think i already know. i cant explain how but. i think i know already which direction its gonna go#and its not like i havent been preparing for this for years but . man.#i genuinely dont know how im gonna do this guys. im being so fr.#im just starting to get my feet back under me from losing my friend like that and now im gonna get bowled over again#and its gonna be so much worse. and i dont know how im gonna get a job or fix my fucked gpa or even finish out the semester#im going home in a few weeks and my siblings and i are gonna put pink in our hair for october#and ofc by the time we do that we'll know. one way or another. and thatll be that.#nothing i can do about it. nothing i can do to stop it or make it better.#my brothers are still so fucking young man. my youngest brother doesnt even remember a time when it wasnt like this.#he's only ever known this version of her thats sick and exhausted and hollowed out like she isnt even there most of the time#and man. idk.#really i am so close to snapping and dropping out of school and this might just be what finally breaks the thread. i am being so fr.#winter speaks#personal#and theres so many projects that i want to do but i Know that i wont be able to do any of them for a while once it hits#and just. hhh. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
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insane personal rambling below in the tags. hm. sorry !
#venus.txt#feeling like. okay but a little unstable and like maybe it has to do w how ive been thinking a lot about how#i went thru 2022 only having contact with redacted only twice#and thats good. thats good. but even with only having 2 exchanges that entire year that only lasted a message or 2 is like..#idk how do you go from being with someone for 5/6 years and being so close. closer than what was healthy#to not knowing them at all anymore#and how are just supposed to not think about it.#i am doing so good and i feel like i never think abt it anymore. or at least i dont dwell on it#but then i think abt it and its like. was there really a single day that has gone by that i havent thought about him#some days it really really really grips me and some days thinking abt the situation is just in passing#but like how do you move on and how do you stop thinking about someone you thought about every day for 6 years straight#ive moved on but i wish i could really really move on#because everything reminds me of it all#i have all these associations and i wish i didnt and some of those have been undone but some are as strong as ever
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we have to deal with the tank top epidemic this summer
#i swear it is this bad every summer why r all these men being whores rn ...like stop showing me ur arms ill die#like louis has been wearing them more than ever and also my Baby of all babies has been wearing yhem for every performance#and zayn in the mv just now i havent watched the back to me mv but i think sammy is wearing one too ??!?#and also cal's outfit for tonight's show was a tank WHAT ARE THESE MEN DOINGGGG#anyway . i wish i was normal about things#h talks
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stupid fucking animation software compressing my files to shit for no reason
#it wasnt fucking doing this before what changed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this is why i havent updated citrus in a few days i was so excited to actually make it and update it super often this summer#what the fuck ever man#im pissed#im okay#i mean im angry but ill be fine#ill just try and fix it tomorrow and if i cant then whatever#my doubts are starting to kick in so im just going to try and stop thinking about it for a bit#god im actually super angry its kind of freaking me out why am i so pissed#i feel like i cant think about anything else#maybe i need an apple snack that might make me feel a little better#sigh i just want to show you guys citrus so bad#hopefully ill be able to get my shit to work again soon#sigh ok#im gonna make some apple and peanut butter now#and think about ace attourney#if anybody here likes ace attourney id love to talk about it :3#i havent actually played the games but ive watched a bunch of videos about the first game#so id love to maybe hear any of your guys' opinions on the games and what you like about them!
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My biggest fear is that I’ll spend so much time beating myself up for not being good at writing that by the time I get the words down, all my passion will have run out and my ideas will have been long expired and I’ll have disappointed everyone by failing yet again to keep my promises
#the klock keeps ticking#i cant ever think about anything else but the stories i wanna write its the only thing i got on my mind its all i want#but i get so stuck in my head that i cant put any words down and when i do i beat them up so much i cant move on#so it takes me a really long time to create nowadays. if i even try#and idk im really tired of this like it isnt just art and writing its how i do everything#i talk about it so much but i never make anything a reality and i stay in one horrible spot forever#and then i complain about how miserable i am that i havent done anything with myself when im too scared to actually do the work of making#things real#like hnnnghh idk i finally forced myself to stop making excuses and just fucking start officially writing the first chapter of my big shinji#project that i keep gushing about in my head but ive only been able to write a few paragraphs#i cant get much further without getting hard on myself because i feel like every single word i choose is wrong#and i also have been sleeping waaaaay worse than usual the past month from extreme stress so im fatigued much easier#and im just scared im gonna spend so much time on this that like by the time ive finished the first chapter i wont even care anymore#which will really suck cuz ive wanted this for so long and for once i just want something of mine to go good i want to make something#that i want possible just to prove im capable of something so basic#its just all this damn pressure AAAAAAAAAAA i hate everything
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