#i havent even read it in years. i dont know if its good. it is incredibly unedited and very much a first draft.
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if we could stay connected, just like this
#ok last orbit niigo post im emubrained again and also i miss leoneed#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#mizuki5 spoilers#proseka#mizuki akiyama#mizu5#nightcord at 25:00#hurray !#meltdown released an amazing translation of the event so i read it and had my final cathartic transgender cry about it#and now i have ~4 assignments due on friday so i have to stop drawing mizuki. sad.#i recommend everyone watch meltdown's translation#please. its very good and better than the mtls floating around#i Get why people wanted to see it translated asap like i Get it i didnt understand half of the wordplay or kanji but like . wah#its so crazy how this event breached containment n how many people are rooting for mizuki even tho they dont play the game so i just#think its a shame that the translation everyones reading isnt really accurate/lacks the nuances.. Ok sorrynits a good event.#ive just been thinking abiut that for a few days and i love talking in tags. Adios#real Orbit heads will know this is an Heartorbit reference (that tarot card sketch i did almost 2 years ago and said i would finish)#(i havent finished shit)
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Leader and deputy
[Image description: a digital painting of Squirrelstar and Ivypool from Warriors. Squirrelstar is a small dark red cat with green eyes, standing in front of the much taller Ivypool, a gray tabby-and-white cat with blue eyes and many battle scars. The background is dark blue. end ID]
#i havent read a new wc book in years (They are not very good) but have been keeping up with The Happenings recently cause its fun#when was the last time there was a female leader+deputy? leopardstar and mistyfoot???????#anyway so happy forthem i hope they dont both die immediately#warriors#warrior cats#wc#squirrelstar#squirrelflight#ivypool#art#2023#I have actually been doodling a ton of cat designs like in classes in the last couple months lol#havent posted them because theyre just Designs and so many people post those all the time but if i get one (1) ask about it i can post them#also just have not felt like posting art recently even though ive been doing it. LOL#worried about squirrelstar cause um. i know cat ages have been generally increasing but she is older than her dad was when he died#if wc wiki ages are to be believed#her husband just retired to be an old man and she took his job#well whatever... i dont even read the books... i dont care... tch#ALSO EDITED CAUSE I REALIZED I PUT HER WHITE PAW ON THE WRONG SIDE#the first few rbs will have the wrong version but whatever. its fine. its fine
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I opened up about my body image issues and people called me a horrible person, told me I'm invalidating people with eds and that I'm body shaming people? God what the fuck? Ive got no fucking support system in real life and the Internet just hates me I guess.
#every waking moment of my life for three years was spent making sure other people had a person to vent to#but i can't vent to anyone#well ive got one person who wont even read my fucking text messages so i could say anything but i need someone to know#i need someone to say ill be okay. i need someone to be the person i was.#and nobody does that for me#ive got one person who cant even answer a ask on tumblr. honestly fuck you. i hope youre reading this. i spent so many nights awake making#sure you felt seen and you were okay. i gave up so much of my time to always be there for you. but you cant even respond “haha” to a stupid#joke? i get social interaction is hard. i get it. but this isnt. all you have to fucking do is open an ask. skim it for an idea of the vibe#and type haha or aw im sorry or smthing. its so easy. you know i have crippling anxiety. shit like this brings back trauma. it sends me into#a really bad panic attack. you suck. i hate to say that. cause you dont. you are genuinely a good person but you hate yourself so much that#youre actually trying to be a bad person#nothing you ever do will make me hate you but i sure am mad. me and A spent a few hours talking about how much we were worried about you#he doesn't have tumblr. when he found out you havent been messaging me he thought you killed yourself. for him its complete radio silence#just say something. like one of my posts. you dont have to do much. just do the bare minimum so i know you dont hate me.#cause if you dont hate me right now you really suck. really do. and if you do hate me please communicate that with me so i can fix myself
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book 5 of the year done!!!! im literally one book away from halfway to my goal and the first month of the year isn't even over yet fjsksk i am DEFINITELY going to hit it this year!
#SUUUUPER bummed to say tho that ive made it to the first book of the year i havent enjoyed :/#the worst part is — its the first in a series apparently and like. i WANT to know what happens next#but also i dont CARE enough to want to keep reading the rest of the series yknow?#like. this first book was just SOOOO disjointed#it was ALL exposition#it spent 500 pages giving individual backstories for each of the characters. as in each character l i t e r a l l y told their story#which first of all absolutely BORING way to get to know your characters and second of all NONE od these characters were even likeable!!!#and the worldbuilding was just. weird. it kind of didnt make sense and felt all over the place#and FULLY felt like he was just throwing random sci-fi-y words around to make it sound cooler but like. it wasnt.#and like all these characters are together on this pilgrimage right#but it is NEVER really revealed why/what they plan to do when they get to their end destination/anything like that#and im between each of these character backstories it feels like the same stuff one person is like oh wow what a story lets get some sleep#and then they do and they wake up and they do the tiniest bit of traveling#(which is like. described in the most lackluster barebones way) and then they eat and share another story and rinse and repeat#it was SO boring#it honestly reminded me of the movie the eternals LMAO#all these characters and you get to know a little about them but not enoguh to become invested and none of them are all that interesting#and the purpose of their journey/the purpose of THEM is completely unknown is completely devoid#like it felt like there was no plot#it was. ough not good.#so yeah would NOT recommend hyperion by dan simmons :/#mack reads
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sometimes i think about the fact that in 2021 over the course of 4 months i wrote and finished an entire 67k word rvb fanfic and then proceeded to never show it to anyone ever. who was i.
#to this day it is the only long writing project i have ever finished. no one else but me has ever read it.#i havent even read it in years. i dont know if its good. it is incredibly unedited and very much a first draft.#i did intend to post it at one point but i never edited it. and now i am a different person.#2021 me was built different. i was a fanfic writing machine. and i only ever posted like 1% of what i wrote#its all sitting in google docs. thousands of words of rvb fanfic.
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I was searching some creepypasta fics on quotev, when I suddenly remembered some fanfics I read before about a reader getting turned into a proxy but with some other characters too. I tried to find it but I couldn't- and I was so confused then I remembered their other fanfic about homicidal liu becoming a patient to the reader and i vividly remembered that cause the reader died! so I tried to search for it and it work... but the link isnt there anymore- and I'm sad.
#creepypasta#creepypasta fandom#homicidal liu#text post#like i know the reader died in the end (thanks jeff) but its still a good story#i havent even finished the cody x reader they made-#the harem fic that i said holds a special place in my heart cause that is the very first creepypasta fanfic i read on quotev#and i only joined last year! im not a creepypasta fan but now i am#like bro- those endings on the harem fic make me feel things#i dont know if the author deleted it or not but it was good while it lasted#i only read it once but the memory is still there#ahh i still remember hurting my back cause of me reading those chapters...#i should probably draw them...#i mean- i dont actually know why it disappeared but im a bit sad#its not the first time my favorite fanfic got deleted
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honestly i get embarrassed i don't have like. a single other interest I'm as into because i just know everyone around me is probably sick of it
#idk i probably shouldn't have to feel bad about my interests but i annoy myself like oh my god please read something else talk about..#..something else. its not like i dont like other media; i think pathologic is really freaking cool even if i havent had the time or patience#to play either game yet; i love derry girls it's a really good show; i have this attachment to firefly despite its issues#it's not like i can't get into other things#but nothing has had the chokehold on me that the legendarium has had/still has years later and it's almost frustrating sometimes#like i used to be really into gravity falls for instance. also cuphead; also bartimaeus and lockwood and co. oh and seraphina#but while i still really like all those things and theyre nostalgic for me; i can't...so easily fall back into those worlds in the same way#maybe it is also kin related but it's almosg like i get embarrassed to be so fixated even though it's been such an enjoyable part of my life#as cheesy as that no doubt sounds. i wouldnt be the same person if somebody (i dont even remember who anymore) hadn't been like “hey..#“..middle schooler aimenel you should read the hobbit” (actually i think i mightve read lotr first i dont remember anymore)#idk why it bugs me; why im like “oh no people will be annoyed by the constant posts” as if anyone couldnt just unfollow or block#im probably always going to be like this to some extent and i dont know why i cant stop feeling embarrassed by my attachment to certain..#media. its not even an “oHhH nOoOo its problematic in some ways” thing because i really dont give a shit for the most part#i think its literally i feel like people are going to at a certain point go “arent you too old to like this”#which isnt even going to happen probably so i dont know why i care. i dont know why i care when im honestly cringy as shit all the time#its funny ive becomr someone a much younger me would call cringe and just trying to be special or whatever
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god wants me to kill myself sooooo fucking bad lately lol nice try bitch im queer
#you dont even fuxking know#the number of. literally impossible coincidences that have taken place to make my life just so much shittier lately#i have been sooo strong ive written like two dozen text posts just bitching and bitching about the sheer fuxking insanity of it and i only#posted like one of them im doing so good being so strong#that said i want to fucking die today lol this shit is melting my brain#it just never ends#the past two weeks have just been... so bad lol#i havent been able to see my bank balance in weeks i just know im so in the fucking hole it doesnt even matter#i havent had a working phone in a month#my family just vacationed in hawaii and im living in a moldy trailer#and the physical and mental health just go and go and go#and the mold grows and groes and grows#my friend offered me a top of the line pc for free and it felt like offering a homeless guy who loves music a grand piano#like yeah lemme just keep that under the bridge downtown where i stay lol#itll be fine#its like all the nice things id love to experience are dangled just out of reach of my fuckin cell bars lol#might fuck around and get addicted to a third substance in light of hope being a fool's errand in a truly random universe#life isnt guarunteed to get better no matter how long you wait or how hard you try actually and that is a hard fucking truth for everyone#alcohol is free and can keep your mind off how much mold & dust you breathe daily & breathed in the past 2 years & thats also a hard truth#also reading this i need to clarify in case anyone else reads this shitsheet. i do not want to vacation in hawaii. colonizer shit#what i wouldnt fucking do for just a week up by priest lake tho :(
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You don't have to reply but https://archiveofourown.org/works/17628824 I'm jealous of Mine here
OK BUT GUN ME DOWN HOW DID I MISS THIS FIC ITS SO GOOD ?????
#snap chats#TY FOR SHARING THIS WITH ME ANON HOLD ON ILL MAKE A JOKE IN A SEC BUT HOLD ON#this was so nice... so good..... i love vulneable and socially-confused mine.....#what lovely writing it just felt so in-tune with mine’s inner dialogue yk what i mean#i love how cheeky daigo is but he isnt overly so- its just right its just him#every time someone has daigo fluster mine i gain ninety years on my life#i havent read a lovely minedai fic in months ty for this meal...#...which is ironic because i read this while waiting for food ☠️#ok joke time uhhh god i wish that were me#no i dont daigo makes me shy and id twirl my hair and make him confused but before he could ask id run away#hes too cute to me hes too lovely i could never be worthy to be in the same room as him </3#that prob why everyone but me been havin daigo dreams </3 see i know myself... respectful even in slumber...
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If i had to make a guess I'd say im probably going to be at Very least stopped from fronting soon
#im not exactly. doing very good at being an ANP.#whatevers going on with my memories of what i was clearly formed to endure isnt ideal and#whatever barrier is there is getting very fucking shaky#its basically all i can think about 👍 not even in my usual conditioned thoughtlines way#if its not agonizing over the void in my memory where i know Something happened#its the redroom stuff or irlV#and the only general mercy i get from it is returning to my baseline of constantly thinking abt it happening again#im tired i think its obvious im tired i really only just got out. in January.#but its been 12 years. in less than that Hal had to reconfigure himself atleast 3 times#but ive never changed That dramatically outside of choosing different faces#reading the augury#ive gotten bad to the point it drew out that fragment. i dont think that was. Meant. to happen. The memories its holding#havent leaked through as far as im aware but the raw emotion Is so its only a matter of time i think#we cant do this right now things were Just getting better
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ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(
#its not the end of the world like theyre not artists i LOVE love just ones i know and like a few tracks of#last year i had so much fun bc one of the artists there was an all time fave of mine. but yeah im not missing out on that this year#but its still a shame. i miss living there and being able to walk to gigs to easily like the music scene was so up my street!!#and i was kind of looking forward to it. but i shouldve planned it further in advance if i was serious abt going#i just didnt think theyd BOTH play so late???? i swear they had an earlier schedule last year#i guess i could just go and mill around some of the shows earlier in the day even tho ive skimmed most of them on spotify and theyre-#not rly my thing. sigh#im v tired + starting to feel quite sad this evening for some specific reasons i dont really want to think much about bc it is what it is#so its hard to imagine going out and having fun tomorrow. maybe ill just aim to get my chores done instead and see how i feel after that#i might fix my bike up and check the other local climbing gym out bc i havent visited that one before and itd be nice to mix it up#and i need to go out on the bike at some point this weekend so i dont build up anxiety abt it after yesterdays crash. hmm#man. its hard trying to do things solely for my own enjoyment sometimes. im usually pretty ok at making myself do it#and im grateful that i am! but i think im just feeling quite lonely. and not in a way where being around other people rly helps#like its more of a core thing. i feel kind of unseen by people in my life at the moment and that makes me feel like im not quite real#and i dont really know what to do about that. i think its why im still on my discord hiatus i just dont really have anything to say rn#ive felt this intermittently throughout a lot my life i think. but most of the time i can distract myself from it enough not to notice it#and i put the effort in socially regardless + usually when im in the moment it doesnt matter. but the stretches inbetween those moments..#its not unbearable and i dont feel that depressed at the moment either. just a bit lost i guess. i know itll pass eventually#but yeah it just keeps nudging up against me bc im feeling every little misunderstanding and slight quite keenly atm#ahh.. well its okay. ive never really needed much anyway im good at taking care of myself and thats enough to get by#ill do something nice for myself this weekend one way or another. im gonna go take a long shower rn i think and then read a bit#ah and i said i didn't rly want to think about it! but i guess i did... well i feel like i exist a little more for typing it out anyway#okay yes shower time now :-)#.diaries#maybe someday ill have ppl in my everyday life who i do feel seen + safe around. a girl can dream.. i have a lot of work to do before then
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Blwh
#ive been so emotional lately#ive cried sososos much. maybe because i got rejected by my boss. i cried for a good half hour and even if we're still friends and act normal#i cant help but feel sad. i feel sad about something that never even started. maybe its because of my dreams my hopes were to high.#it makes me sad. i always bring up that i wasted 7 years with someone i thought would love me forever#and now im lost and don't know anything about love they were the only thing i knew about love and it was for not. i miss being in love#to have someone give me affection unconditionally and its so hars to find someone. ive been depressed and spending so much money#just to feel something... ive been reading so much shoujo/slice of life to experience something i missed out on#i wish i never dated anyone and just focused on friendships. but if i did that i wouldn't have my beloved friends i have now#but still i wish he liked me back i havent cried this much since the break up#and. now i face the mortality of my beloved cat and i cant stand the thought of losing her shes already five and i have about 7 more years#i hope at least 7 more years with my little girl i really dont want to lose cornchip i love her so much even if shes a trouble maker#I'll tag this later just cuz idk if theyre still stalking me. i haven't checked in a while
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.
#im so serious you probably do not want to read this i just needed to verbalise my words and be embarrassing#like dont read this. its a vent. its a depressing post. just scroll on and be happy today#...........................................................................................................................................#no because i actually dont like being alive. like this is the worst.#i can talk up and down about how beautiful the earth is and how lovely nature is and how great people really are#but it doesnt matter when i dont have the courage to go see any of that or the means to actually travel to places that are beautiful#not even if theyre in my area because the city isnt walkable#but i still have friends who i talk to every single day and i have things set up so that i am actually speaking to people like dnd#or watching stuff with zhari or even impromptu things like playing games and having people watch or multiplayer shit#and thats all well and good but i always know for a fact that i am going to fuck it up and i dont know how to curb that#i dont have money for therapy i dont have a job that works me consistently the resources that i have found dont work for me#and i know this because i have tried for years to be a better person and theres just nothing in the world that could ever make me good#like im not a fun person to be around right? im not kind and i dont know how to speak to people and im generally awkward and mean#i can swear to myself that ive changed that im better that im not the person i was when i was 14 but i havent changed. im not better#and i dont know how to be better#i dont provide any value to the people around me. at all#im just baseline a piece of shit and sometimes i do a nice thing for people sometimes im NICE and it makes people think that im kind#but im not i just did a nice thing and that doesnt make a kind person#we can try and coddle me forever and ever but we all know that its not going to be long until You know. It's all over#as in im alone again as i should be#i dont think i really care about people leaving me anymore because to be so real i deserve to be alone#i should be isolated until im no longer a piece of shit who cant be a normal kind person#and if that point never comes then like well . but its been so long and so much time where ive been this way that its like#we all know the day is never coming that ill be better than this#i really should just extract myself from people's lives already. like i need to be someone that people hardly know or speak to#it would be better that way for everyone involved#and people can come back and be like 'oh dont trust your thoughts when youre going through seasonal depression'#'dont trust your thoughts when its late' but i feel this way all the time it just gets more intense in the summer#i dont just become a better person when fall hits this is a consistent thing with me that im a piece of shit#and EVERYONE knows it
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bad habits.
pairing: dealer!ellie x reader.
summary: when you were a kid you had always put a pillow or a big stuffed animal between your legs, you honestly felt comfort by it. but tonight you decided it was going to be somebodies head.
warnings: uh widely ellie giving head?, use of drugs, girls kissing 🤯, swearing, a little bit of dacryphilia, pretty self-indulgent i know its weird im sorry — MINORS DNI !!
a/n: just because the strikes ended does not mean you shouldnt stop posting about palestine!
———————
you were helpless, depressed even. being locked up in your dorm for god knows how long. your friends had been nagging you about various parties on campus, you simply just left them on read, not wanting to deal with the aftermath of the party.
it wasnt until now that you had decided to go. not because you wanted to, you were going against your own will.
your friends, isabella, mattie and thea were forcing you out of your dorm because the state you were in right now was just honestly disgusting.
you were packing a bag to go over to isabellas house because they werent letting you stay in that dorm for a minute more, when thea said. “youve been stuck in here for forever, we havent seen you in awhile, we miss you girl.”
you sighed, reaching over to your closet to find an outfit appropriate for tonight. “look i know, things just havent been the best right now.” you didnt bother to look back because you know all thats going to be written on their faces will be pity.
“can you guys help me pick an outfit atleast?” they squeal, marching over to you before yanking you out of their ways.
mattie held up a dress, it was pink, delicate, something you would were on a picnic.
“dude, thats so basic.” isabella called out from the side, rolling her eyes at matties choice.
“i dont wear stuff like this— how would i fucking know?” she huffed.
“calm down guys, why dont we let ms depresso give us an idea of what she wants?” thea shouts over the teo annoyingly loud girls.
“i— depresso? seriously? not even funny.” you roll your eyes before pulling up pinterest on your phone, you always managed to find decent outfits off of the app.
you typed in ‘party outfits aesthetic.’ before you landed on something similar you had in your closet.
the outfit had a mini, mini, mini, mini black skirt paired with a black lettuce-cut, corset bralette looking thingy and just below that, knee-high boots. you admit it, you looked hot as fuck.
“damn girl, if i were gay id definitely hit you up.” way to go isabella, way to go.
“oh please youre totally into girls, youre acting like you dont eye that dina girl everytime we walk around her area on campus.” mattie adds.
isabella did everything in her will power to ignore the comment, but she couldnt help but blush.
the look of approval shot around the room was hilarious and you all burst out into laughter. you really havent felt this good in awhile.
quickly memorising the girl mattie had mentioned before, you could remember she would always be hanging around with someone else.
“hey, any of you know the girl dina hangs with? i cant think of her name.” you think hard, like really hard, you knew the girl was attractive from all the times you had seen her since isabella coincidentally hung there too.
“yeah, her names ellie, i buy from her sometimes. why, you got the hots for her?” thea teases.
“just shut up and give me her insta.” you roll your eyes, playfully shoving the girl as the two others made ‘oooooh’ sounds.
“fine, just give me a second.” thea whips out her phone and starts going through her following. she clicks on a profile and holds the phone up to you so you could get a good look.
her account was private, by the looks of it she had a batman smoking weed profile picture? interesting.. her user was ‘@ellieisawesome327.’
sounds like a name some 5 year old would put on secretly. “oh, interesting.” you couldnt help but giggle, she obviously wasnt the best at using this stuff.”
you pulled out your phone and searched for her user, you didnt follow it just yet, you thought it would be creepy since she didnt know you at all. you simply just kept the name in the search bar, ready for when you actually want to follow her.
———————
a few hours had passed and you all had gotten done up, makeup, hair, outfits, everything you would do before a party.
“whos car we taken’?” mattie asked. you and the others looked at her like she was some idiot.
“theres only one car in the driveway, take a guess numbskull?” thea pointed out, mattie pouted.
“rude.” she huffed. turning around to scroll on tiktok.
you were sitting on the bed, getting comfy since the party wasnt for another hour, when you spotted one of isabellas pillow. you had put it between your legs, you found some comfort in doing that ever since you were a kid, it was a weird and bad habit.
“whatre ya’ doin silly?” isabella pointed out, she sort of new you had this weird habit of putting things between your legs.
“getting comfy, what does it look like?” you roll your eyes, scrolling through your instagram feed.
“if you actually want something between your legs, try and get head tonight.” isabella added. it was a harmless joke, your group had always joked like this. you toned out the muffled giggles in the back thinking if you should actually get laid tonight.
it had been awhile since you had had sex, and it was getting annoying hearing everyones ‘wild’ stories.
you tool the pillow out from between your legs and threw it back into its position it was in before.
“you guys think we should get going? the parties in twenty minutes.” thea said. you all nodded and got up from your positions to march off to the car.
the drive was ten minutes, you put on your group playlist, it was made for roadtrips you guys took every once and awhile. but tonight you just needed to hear something other then their voices.
you were all vibing to the music when it eventually came to a stop. you sighed and got out of the car, shivering as the cold wind hit your very exposed body.
everyone walked in, it wasnt exactly packed, but you hesitated and mattie noticed that.
mattie was the average femme grouped masc. the one to carry around the shopping bags when you went shopping kind of girl. she was sweet, there were times where you had found yourself harmlessly crushing over her. she knew you had a bit of anxiety and offered you some of her meds before leaving but you kindly declined.
now obviously regretting your decision, she gripped onto your hand and squeezed it tight, for reassurance. you smiled and walked in with the others.
———————
it had been 2 hours and the group had split, isa probably off eating dinas face off, mattie chatting with some of the guys from a basketball team she had played against when faking being a guy as a dare, and thea off buying or even selling drugs. you were sat on a dusty old couch, not exactly wasted but definitely not sober.
you hadnt noticed you were sitting next to the girl whos instagram you were stalking earlier. but the realisation hit when you smelt weed from her direction.
she was very obviously eye fucking you, she wasnt even shy about it, it couldve been the weed that was in her system or she was wildly bold.
“hey?” you started off your soon long to be conversation.
“hi.” she was caught off guard when she realised you were talking to her.
“ellie right?” she nodded and you exchanged your name to her, along with numbers. you sat back further into the couch, parting your legs a little giving her a slight view of what was under you skirt. you enjoyed the fact that she was looking. a little smirk appeared on your face and she didnt notice it.
“my friend thea buys from you right?” she snapped her head up to look into your eyes. you noticed the green in her eyes under the blue hue of the lights in the room. she nodded,
“yeah why? wanna buy from me?” you shook your head.
“kinda tight on money right now, i would though.” you sighed, resting your head on your hand.
she thought for a minute. “ill share a blunt with you, only coz’ youre cute.” she winked and you blushed.
“oh, thanks..” you stare off awkwardly waiting for her to light it, she was wondering if she made you uncomfortable.
“s—sorry, didnt mean to make you uncomfortable.” you shook your head a smiled before she handed you the joint.
you took a puff and handed it back to her, waiting a bit before exhaling. you noticed she was manspreading. then you noticed she didnt quite look like any other girls that were at the party, very masculine. is she lesbian? no surely not, maybe she just likes being comfortable.
ellie was wearing a worn-out jacket, joels. she wore it everywhere she went.
she caught you staring at the position she was in, fighting the urge to spread them further. you noticed she was holding back from something and looked up at her, oh shit she caught you.
a shit eating grin was plastered on her face. “you ‘kay?” she asked, the same smug expression written all over her face.
you nodded and took the blunt out of her hand. you were blushing under the dim lights in the corner, the rest of the place was filled with colourful lights changing every second.
she started blushing too, she didnt know why. you looked up to her with parted lips. the high kind of kicking in now.
“can i.. kiss you?” you asked softly. you regretted that so hard, fuck fuck fuck she probably doesnt like girls..
she moved closer, draping a hand over your shoulder. “thought youd never ask.” she smirked before smashing her lips onto yours.
the kiss was hungry, like she was desperate for something, you couldnt quite place your tongue on it. the only thing placed on your tongue right now was hers. you kissed her back with just as much passion.
the moans you let out were absolutely pornographic. ellie knew she had to do something about this, stopping the kiss whilst you let out a whine from the lack of attention.
you were borderline wet, like waterpark wet, and it wasnt helping that you were wearing a flimsy skirt that had rode up in the process.
“cmon’ princess.” she took your hand, you felt a bit clumsy for some reason, dizzy, your head was foggy, only thinking about how good she tasted.
you followed her around as she knocked on various locked rooms. finally breaking one open, she slammed it shut, locking it and pressing you up against it. not to hard though, wouldnt wanna hurt your pretty little head.
“fuck, youre so goddamn hot.” she mumbled between kisses. you couldnt help but moan at how turned on she made you feel.
she pushed her knee up between your thighs and you shivered, grinding down onto it. chasing the very needed friction.
you wondered how such an innocent question like ‘can i kiss you?’ turned into you riding on her knee.
“els’, please..” that shit eating grin reappeared on her face and you just wanted to smack it right off, you rolled your eyes. your words and wetness only boosted her ego more.
“please what baby?” she teased. why was she teasing you? you couldnt take it. tears started bubbling in your eyes.
“please just— fuck me.” you mumble out. she liked the sight of you crying, so desperate for her. she was going to tease you more before you actually got what you wanted.
“what was that?” she smirked.
you looked up at her through teary eyes. “can you, uh— go down on me? please?” you were begging, that was a sight.
she pulled you over to the bed, through the dimly light room. “strip.”
you did as she said, it wasnt hard to take off your clothes since there was barely anything on you. first your top, leaving you in a skimpy black lacy bra to match your underwear. then came the boots and skirt.
finally, leaving you in a two piece set. she was waiting patiently for you to take them off. you dont know why you were so hesitant, maybe it was because you hadnt done this in awhile, or maybe it was because her stare was so intense it made your stomach do flips, distracting you from the easy task.
she walked over to help you since you couldnt finish what you had started. “d’ you want this?” you nodded painfully slow.
she peeled off your underwear, holding them up to get a good look before back down to your now bare cunt. it was dripping at the sight of her.
“s’ wet for me princess.” she smirked once more, if she smirked anymore her face would probably get stuck like that.
then came the bra, she asked you to turn around so she could unclip it, she was slightly struggling since she wasnt used to these fancy bras, only because she wears a sports bra.
you giggled and reached your arms behind you to take it off, turning around to leave her ogling at the sight of you.
“youre so beautiful.” you blushed, hard. she looked up at you for some sort of reassurance and you nodded.
a minute ago she was so dominant and now shes sweeter than a cookie. you adored that.
she reached her hands out to cup your tits, so soft, she thought. squeezing them and pinching your now hardened, pebbled nipples.
she elicited a moan out of you. you sat back on the bed for comfort and she dived into them. sucking harshly on your tits.
you couldnt tell if you hated it or loved it, your monas were telling her otherwise.
she left purple marks all over your neck, tits, stomach, anywhere she could mark really. you were huffing, all you needed her to do was touch you down there.
“patience baby.” she replied to your subtle huffs. you rolled your eyes, pleading with your body language as you rolled your hips into nothing.
her head moved down slowly, taking time with your body as if you werent some one night stand. did she actually like you?
she kissed all over your stomach and you felt giddy, you were giggling at how it tickled.
the she dipped her head low, taking in how soaked you were. the whole time you had been rubbing your thighs together. any subtle touch made you go crazy.
she fully dived in, and you moaned her name out, loud enough to here over the booming music. “e-els!” she teased your clit with her tongue, licking a stripe down, giving your clit kitten kisses.
her tongue reached places your fingers couldn’t surprisingly. you couldnt stop panting. it felt like heaven.
your vision was going blurry, white, if the coil in your belly bubbled anymore it was going to snap. “ellie.. i—im gonna!..” she moaned into your pussy, sending hypnotising vibrations into it.
“i know baby, come for me.” those words was the thing that snapped the bubbling coil.
you felt hot slick pool out of you, she lapped up all she could, almost overstimulating you. you were panting.
she got up and laid beside you, toying with your plush tits. you could almost fall asleep right then and there.
“alright,” she patted your thigh. “i gotta get going, heres my number though.” she pulled out a random piece of paper from her pocket and a pen. had she been preparing for this? you thought. she handed you the note like a little kindergartener and put her shirt back on.
you had the sudden urge to shove a pillow between your legs, whining from the loss. you fought back everything in you to shove the pillow that was staring at you between your legs. you watched ellie leave,
she left you on the bed looking back at you to smile before closing the door behind you. you eventually got up and put your clothes on, walking over to the bathroom that was in the small room to fix up your hair and makeup.
you realised your hand was still clutching that little piece of paper. you looked at it and read it slowly, still regaining composure.
‘**** **** **** **** message me ;) x’
you probably werent going to message her, but just incase, you slipped the note into your purse and walked out of the room going to look for you friends to take them home, luckily ellie had sobered you up.
———————
a/n: im sorry the ending actually sucks i was getting sick of this and i needed to get it out of my drafts. should i turn it into a series were reader actually messages ellie? idk.
#lesbian#ellie williams#ellie x reader#lgbtqia#i need ellie bro#wlw#bad habits#ellie williams tlou#ellie tlou#ellie is so hot#ellie x fem reader#ellie smut
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ive been hesitating to ask this bc youve been on a roll with the clone^2au (which i am frothing over) but could i poke you for some childhood friend au? bc GOD i wanna see how danny reacts to reuniting w jason or how the rest of the batfam react to learning jason never told danny of his resurrection or wondering if dannys gonna put jokers dead body on a display/offering to jasons grave. i havent been normal about this since i first read it and was wondering. thank you for your writing.
RAAAAHHHH DON'T BE HESITANT I AM JUST AS FERAL OVER MY CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AU AS I AM WITH CLONE^2 I AM DELIGHTED BY THIS. Like.,,,, i literally love them,,, so much. I can't listen to The Crane Wives without thinking of them.
(which is my fault - the ao3 fic of them has literally only crane wives lyrics for each chapter title and summary (posted AND the ones not written) so of course im gonna associate with them.)
(if you wanna listen to some of their songs while thinking of cfau here are my recommendations: "Once & for All", "Here I Am", "Hollow Moon" is a Danny AND Jason song to me, this would be my go-to song for an animatic of CFAU if i had the skills for it. "Tongues and Teeth", "Curses" and "take me to war" is a heavy cfau danny song to me, and of course, "the moon will sing")
Like they're BEST friends dude, they're two sides of the same coin and when they were kids they would do this thing where their 'fingers crossed'/'double-crossed' was them hooking their index fingers in the fingers crossed gesture.
and i'm actually currently rewriting my original post into a more fic-like format, and when I'm done I'll post it on here under the cfau tag - with the original post still in tact. But its,,, gonna be so long dude,,,, the original behemoth was just over 9000 words,,, and I've written 3k words already of the new one and we haven't even reached Jason and Danny reuniting at the gala yet,,, i need to get back to that,,,
and then to answer your questions!! god im almost hesitant to answer because i dont wanna spoil the little fic i had planned for it but also like,, its not like im gonna spoil everything, right? and answering the questions isnt the same as writing the scene down so!!
i love danny and jason's reuniting, like i've thought about it SO much and I've thought about it happening after Danny kills the Joker. I know the reveal could have been before that, and it could have been equally just as dramatic but like??? Thematically, doing it after danny kills the joker is SO good. To me at least.
Because like?? Jason's been in somewhat denial about danny's plan to kill the joker for months. ever since danny told him that he wanted to at the gala. And from Jason's pov its not even technically a plan. He sees his best friend for the first time after five years and his best friend still isn't over his death. He hasn't stepped foot in Gotham since his funeral and now suddenly he's here.
And he's still so full of grief over his death that he tells a masked vigilante that he's going to kill the guy that did it, who lives in said masked vigilante's city. And danny's got that look in his eyes that Jason knows so well that means he's being serious. And yet he still doesn't know if he should believe him or not.
And then he does. Danny kills him. And Jason can't fucking believe it. And when he goes and sees Danny, Danny's hands are still covered in blood. And that reunion? God like a fucking firework show. Danny's so fucking angry, and pissed, and hurt, and so goddamn overjoyed that he's alive and here that he sends them both to the ground, and if he doesn't calm down he's gonna take out the power in a five block radius.
there's just so, so much yelling on Danny's end. And then so much crying, first from Danny and then them both. because god, you're alive. you're here. i've missed you so much. i'm never letting you out of my sights again.
and Joker's death! God I don't want to actually say too much about that, but the way I have it set up thematically makes me actually not want danny to take any part of the joker with him as an offering. and he may actually forego that particular ghost etiquette and offer something else as an offering to Jason in substitute to not bringing him the Joker's heart/head/ritualistic body part.
Because you know what the last thing a man whose been spending the last two decades of his life building himself up to be larger than life would want? A death that's unremarkable. :) and that's all i'll put on the matter for now.
and the batfam!! they technically already know that jason hasn't told danny he was resurrected, and plenty of them have mixed feelings on them. largely bruce and dick i think, considering they saw firsthand how close jason and danny were when they were kids.
Dick was honestly surprised at first when he found out that Jason hadn't told Danny he was alive - and on one hand he understands the reasoning for it, and on the other hand he isn't sure if it was such a good idea. Especially after he sees Danny again after he arrives back in Gotham and sees just how badly Jason's death was still affecting him. But it's not like he's going to try and convince Jason to tell him - he can make his own choices, even if Dick has questions about them.
Bruce has much the same thoughts as Dick, so there's not really much to add here other than he might bring it up once or twice to Jason like, vaguely. And then immediately drops it when Jason shuts him down. He might actually somewhat...?? prefer that Jason hasn't told Danny because that raises a lot of questions and could jeopardize their identities. However, again, Jason can make his own choices and there's not much Bruce can do about it other than disapprove from afar.
Tim who knew of Danny from stalking the Wayne family shares similars sentiments of being surprised that Jason didn't tell Danny, but again, yeah, understands the thought process to some extent. Doesn't bring it up ever.
Everyone else who hadn't seen firsthand how close Danny and Jason are don't really have much opinion on it -- Jason didn't tell his best friend he was alive, great, he also didn't tell them either so it's not like its that much of a surprise. It would've been more of a surprise to them if Jason had told Danny before he told Bruce and co. Damian may make a comment or two about Jason not telling Danny, but its not about how he can't believe he didn't tell him or anything like it.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#danny fenton is not the ghost king#cfau#childhood friends au#danny and jason are such best friends i love them so much#BUT YEAH ASK ME MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT CFAU I'LL SCREAM#AND THEN TRY AND ANSWER THEM TO MY BEST ABILITY#like i could go on RANTS almost SPECIFICALLY about rath (dan) and then about jason and danny#and their friendship like i've thought about this au with a combined soulmate au and immediately hated the idea because no!#no! i can't call them soulmates. i can't it doesnt fit. their bond goes DEEPER than that. its *better* than that#this wasn't written in the stars it was forged in the back alley streets of gotham with all the broken glass under their feet#and the smell of nicotine weaving itself into the fabrics of their shirts. their souls aren't intertwined because the universe said so#they're two balls of yarn tangled together because they batted it at each other and decided to play cats cradle. and then never bothered#to untangle the string from one another. you'll never know where one ends and the other begins#i actually have a cfau miscellaneous facts post in my drafts that i need to finish too and i might do that today because of this ask <33#the fastest way to starry's heart is through her ask box#asking me questions about my aus is the fastest way to make me make more content about them ajshld#see: clone^2 (i've been coasting off the fanart i got from them for the last two days) and now this#i need to stop more before i start waxing more poetic about jason and danny's bond with one another.#also also jason is equally as feral about danny as danny is about him (see: him plotting joker's demise since he was 14) its just not#showing as much since a lot of this is from danny's pov. like dw this isn't one-sided obsession its mutual.#see: jason seeing danny's scars and immediately wanting to find out who caused it and getting murderously angry about it#its not a starry post unless its long#idk maybe im just obsessed with the idea that relationships are chosen and forged with time and that the bonds we have arent because they#were predetermined but because we made them to be. Like how clone^2 said 'i choose to be brothers' and how danny and jason said#'i choose you. i will always choose you. you're my other half. the one who watches my back. i choose you.'
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I have a few select passages that are my favorites which I'll be putting under a cut for spoilers in case others wish to experience this wonderful story for themselves.
‘It is simple, chirurgeon. I need a new face,’ Erebus said, as he pulled the man closer to the ruined mask of his own. The chirurgeon could smell the Dark Apostle’s breath, hot and rancid, even over the metallic stench of blood. ‘I will take yours,’ Erebus growled. ‘But, my lord,’ the chirurgeon stammered, falling backwards as Erebus loosened his grip on his neck. He rubbed at his throat, his voice still hoarse. ‘I fear such a procedure would kill me.’ ‘Then you must give thanks to the gods directly,’ Erebus said conversationally to the cowering man as he sat up on the stone slab. ‘That your sacrifice may be in my name.’
[. . .]
‘Behold,’ he said. ‘The new face of your–’ Erebus screamed as his face caught fire. Black flame sparked under the new skin, turning fat and flesh to ash in an instant, a total rejection of the unwilling donor’s gift. The Dark Apostle clawed at his skull, tearing stitches and skin alike as he fought to free himself from the torture. ‘Too late!’ Erebus howled, and he ran from the agony, springing from the stone slab and staggering out of the apothecarion, still scraping with wild fingers at his flaming skull.
Erebus saying "I am taking your face" and then it immediately literally bursting into flames is a type of comedy I didn't know I needed in 40k. Genuinely hilarious and also terrifying.
A bird, flying impossibly through the void, so small, so fragile against the infinite black. It beat its wings to escape, but Erebus knew the realm of daemons better than any other alive, and he caught it easily. He cradled it in his tattooed hands. It was tiny in his grasp, like a child’s toy, and he could feel its heartbeat: an irregular rhythm that was never the same twice. The bird looked at him with eyes like gemstones, one the purest blue, the other topaz yellow. A name. ‘Your kind cannot resist sharing your knowledge,’ Erebus said. ‘So you hide it, somewhere small, somewhere hard to find.’ He stroked the bird’s plumage with his thumb. ‘But I am very good at finding things that others cannot, and I am very patient. I also know the most important question to ask.’ He asked that question now, and held the bird to his ear, to hear its answer. It spoke a single word with a single voice, as quiet as a wish. Erebus would have smiled, had he possessed lips. Instead, with a skull’s rictus grin, he snapped the bird’s neck with two fingers, and spoke the word it had told him.
Love this mainly for the description of this delicate little bird. It's cute.
He brought his hand upwards, feeling at the meat of his face, and found a shifting, squirming mass of flesh. He rose, and called to his acolytes. ‘Mirror!’ A hooded figure returned with a jewel-embedded mirror, its silver handle carved with runes. Erebus looked into its depths, and saw the reward of his trials: not just the services of powerful allies, but the power of the Four, represented in the visage of one. He had seen this before – as a child, in the deserts of Colchis. Now that prophecy had come true. Eyes that could see futures yet to pass. Ears that rang with the beat of the Blood God’s war drums. A mouth that ached for the rarest tastes. A nose for death in all its forms. With his new face, Erebus smiled.
The ending is just wonderful. I enjoy it greatly. Love the phrasing in particular.
The entire story goes SO hard honestly. Love it to pieces. I didn't know what to expect when I saw it as part of the advent thing but MAN. Nails his character and answers a question I had kinda hand waved as "oh Warp magic" in SUCH a fascinating and amazing way.
y’all… I can’t believe I have lived to see honest to god Horus/Erebus old man yaoi in my black library. I have won. Forever
#i will say this also does make erebus's appearance in end and the death vol II even better for me personally#especially him still calling horus his master and everything#very good characterization overall#i dont want to put too much in the tags but if people havent read it#do so if you have the means#its wonderful i promise#god this and sacred hate#word bearer fans eating well with these short stories#[i know sacred hate was last year but still]#[point stands]
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