#i haven't told them about the possible autism

[spacedustmantis]

sigh. yet another incredibly improtant self discovery that i won't be able to tell my parents about....

[cripplecharacters]

Can people with flat/blunted affect mask and if so how common is it for people with the symptom to be able to do that?

Hi!

I'm assuming you mean an autistic person who has a flat affect?

Short answer: yes.

Long answer:

Flat affect is one small part of autism. Tone is often difficult for autistic people to recognize and reproduce. But there are plenty of things that go into masking!

Masking can involve suppressing stims, avoiding talking about special interests, putting focus into body and facial expressions, and many other things too!

Also, masking takes a lot of energy. If your character is more focused on making sure they are sitting still, for example, they may not be focused so much on their tone of voice.

Keep in mind that masking isn't widespread in the autistic community. Many of us, especially higher support needs autistics, cannot mask at all. (Personally I understand masking in theory but am unable to mask myself.)

It's certainly possible to be higher masking and have a flat or "unusual" affect, just consider how else that might affect them.

Mod Rock

Hello!

I mask almost constantly whenever I'm able to. It's a survival mechanism that I haven't been able to break out of. I also have a very flat tone and what's usually referred to as 'resting bitch face'. I'm not very expressive naturally.

When I'm masking, I don't usually mask my tone. The rare times when I do is usually for short interactions at parties/events or during job interviews; both places where it's short term and rather necessary for me (To get the interaction over with at parties and to have a better chance at getting a job at the interview).

Even when I'm masking, my tone and expressions don't always come across as natural or real. They can seem fake or superficial, at least from what I'm told.

If I had to keep it up for longer than those short interactions, it would be very exhausting and, as Rock suggested, I'd have a harder time focusing on other aspects of my mask.

To answer your question: Yes, it is possible for somebody to do that but as for how common it is, that really depends on the person. Not all autistic people have a flat affect and not all of those who do can or will choose to mask it.

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

Hello,

I'm medium support needs autistic with flat tone and facial expression. While I can mask some things, I can't mask everything at once.

It's kind of like my brain is a computer, and masking different things is like running different programs. if I try to run too many at once, all of the programs start struggling. I can mask my tone, injecting what I think is an appropriate amount of emotion, but, beyond a few things that come easily to me such as a genuine-looking smile, can't really mask my expression while masking my tone. If I'm masking my expression and trying to follow what I think non-autistics would expect based on what I'm saying, I struggle to mask my tone. If I try to mask both at once, both masks start to slip. Tone and expression are larger programs, so it's harder for other programs to run while those are running. Maybe a small program, like simulating eye contact by looking at someone's forehead, can run at the same time, but trying to run too many little programs while running a big program will lead to the same problem. All of this also takes an enormous amount of energy. So while I can kind of mask, I can't mask everything at once. There are only so many programs I can run before my computer crashes.

If your character is medium support needs, masking perfectly is probably nigh impossible. If they're high support needs, there's absolutely no way they can mask. Masking is a lot harder for M-HSN people, so if your character is medium of high support needs, they probably aren't going to be able to mask at all or, if they can mask, will likely mask imperfectly like me. It'll also take a lot more effort than it would for a character who has no support needs or light support needs, it would exhaust them way quicker. And, again, a lot of medium support needs individuals may struggle severely with masking or won't be able to mask at all. High support needs individuals often, if not always, cannot mask at all.

So if your character is M-HSN, their ability to mask will depend on where they are on that spectrum and what else they're trying to do as they talk.

Mod Aaron

[jangofettjamz]

Bullies

Tara Carpenter x Autistic!Male!Reader

Summary: Your crush, Tara Carpenter, saves you from your bully.

Words: 1630

Y/N POV

Another day, another lecture. Our film studies class is filled with aspiring film directors, snotty film students who think they're better than everyone else because of their "elevated taste in movies" and then there's film nerds like me and a few others I know.

There's Mindy and Chad Meeks-Martin, nephews of their late uncle, Randy Meeks. We became friends not long after they came here. They recently came to New York from Woodsboro after an incident involving a couple who tried to create a movie that would revive the long dead horror franchise: Stab. Nuts I know.

Among Chad and Mindy was someone I found to be astoundingly beautiful, as if created by the gods themselves, Tara Carpenter. I've had a crush on this girl since I first laid my eyes on her. She's truly beautiful in every way, though I don't think she'd ever go for a guy like me.

Everytime I've had the chance to speak to her she's always been incredibly welcoming and really nice, she even got ice cream with me one time.

She never talks about what happened back in Woodsboro, but I never pry for answers which she appreciated alot, I can't imagine your best friend trying to kill you over a stupid movie.

I haven't told her that I have autism, and I don't know if I can. Everyone that I have ever known has been turned away from me after I tell them about my condition, I doubt she would be any different, even if she is very nice to me.

My bullies knew about it though, I don't know how but they definitely knew and they constantly mock me for it calling me "freak" or "spaz" just to name a few.

The lecture went on for what seemed like hours; my eyelids slowly closing to pull me into the comforting darkness of sleep. Unfortunately, that was interrupted when I felt a spitball hit the back of my neck from one of the boys in the back with his group of friends laughing alongside him: my bullies.

I sighed, this unfortunately, was the the norm for me here, the laughing stock of the college, the weirdo who can't talk to anyone because he's to shy to make friends. I was an outcast to everyone, and those boys sure took advantage of that.

I was about to try and move, but not after I noticed Tara staring down the boy who shot his spit at me, the fire in her eyes resembled that of Scorpion from Mortal Kombat, I was half expecting her to throw a kunai at the boy and shout "GET OVER HERE!!!" but that's just my imagination running wild, as usual.

The boy immediately sat down and shut up after that, not gonna lie I would too, I don't think I've ever seen her so upset.

The bell rang indicating that class was finished, I immediately scurried out of there to try and avoid those boys as quickly as possible, evasion was a specialty of mine after being bullied so much. I ignored everything the lecturer told us and swiftly made my way to the corridors.

I walked through the corridors holding my notes securely in my arms, the judging states by some of the students not going unnoticed by me. I decided that keep my head low would be the best course of action to avoid any potential trouble from one of the students; walking faster to get to get out of here as hastily as possible.

I found the door to the door outside, my fingers grazed the handle but then... "HEY FREAKSHOW!" I heard behind me, the sound that emanated from his shout echoed across the corridor, bouncing across their walls.

He walks towards me with aggression "Jackson..." I say quietly, not wanting to escalate the situation further, though that was inevitable.

He grabbed me by the collar, "You think you can just embarrass me infront of Tara like that?" I looked at him with confusion. I had enough of his shit

"Embarrass you? You embarrassed yourself when you decided to spitball me, I mean c'mon Jackson what is this, 1986? Besides i highly doubt she's into you anyways." I don't know where this confidence came from but it was immediately gone when I felt immense pain on the right side of my face from, what I can only assume, a punch.

I stumbled back and fell flat on my ass, another punch came soon after, and then another, and then another. Seven punches we're thrown my way, my vision was blurry and I could barely feel my face, I saw a faint figure wearing pink coming towards us.

Tara POV

"JACKSON" I shouted, he stopped immediately and looked at me. "What do you think you're doing beating him up like that, have you no sense of shame for what you're doing?" He looked at me confused, as though he thought I'd appreciate this.

"I'm just showing Y/N here why I'm better than him and proving why I'm the perfect man for you Tara." He winked at me, he actually winked at me, gross.

I slapped him in the face infornt of everyone then kicked him in the balls, a barrage of laughter erupted from the corridor leaving his friends speechless and him curled up on the floor in pain holding his balls. I knelt down to him and whispered in his ear.

"If you ever come near Y/N again, you're dead. Do you understand me?" No answer came, only pained whimpers. "I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!" I shout. "Yes yes, please don't hurt me I'm sorry!" He cried, what a pathetic excuse for a human being, beating on someone for being 'weak' then behaving like this when someone stands up to him.

"Get the fuck out of here Jackson, and your friends" he ran away holding his balls, his friends following behind him; cowards, all of them. My attention turned to Y/N, who was pretty banged up from Jackson. He was crying and curled up in a ball, all eyes were on him but no one dared to make fun of him, not after what just happened to Jackson.

I kneel down to his level and console him, he thrashed my arms away thinking it was Jackson. "Shhhh it's okay Y/N, it's me Tara. It's okay now, everything's gonna be okay." I cooed softly in a calming tone. He opened his eyes and met my gentle brown ones.

I opened my arms for him "c'mere sweetheart" he threw himself into my arms and cried into my shoulder, poor baby. I've always had a crush on him and seeing him this upset broke my heart. "Let's get you out of here, yeah?" He nodded into my shoulder and I walked him out of the corridor; away from everyone's prying eyes.

Once we were outside I sat him down with me on a bench, still holding him close. "It's okay Y/N, it's just you and me now. Are you okay?" He shook his head, he was just pummeled in the face of course he's not okay, stupid question Tara.

"Why does he hate you so much, sweetie?" I ask, genuinely curious as to how someone could hate this magnificent boy. He opened his mouth to speak.

"Um... I have autism." He says, averting his eyes away from me as if I'd hate him for it.

"Is that it? That's why he bullies you?" I ask and he nods, what a piece of shit, to hate someone because they were born with a condition, and he thought I'd date him. He begins to cry again

"Please don't hate me, you're really nice to me and one of the only people who treat me with any kind of respect, I don't want to be bullied anymore!" He sobbed out, I held him tight against my chest which became wet with his tears but I couldn't care less about that.

He was shaking in my arms, those boys really tormented him. "Oh honey, I could never hate you for that. In fact, I've had the biggest crush on you since we met, you're so smart and sweet, you're so passionate about the things you like, you're so kind to everyone. Mindy's been bugging me to ask you out for the longest time."

He pulls back and looks at me utterly confused. "Really? You like me?" I reassure him "

I like you very much sweetie, and I'm honored that you told me about your autism, that's not an honor I take lightly." He smiled brightly, blush spreading across his cheeks. "There's that beautiful smile" I cooed.

"I've had a crush on you since we had ice cream together, you're very beautiful Tara." He said, now making me blush.

"Can I kiss your cheek sweetie?" I ask, not knowing whether he's comfortable or not. He nods and I plant a gentle kiss to both his cheeks, his smile could light up an entire city.

I wipe away the rest of his tears and hug him tightly again. "You're mine now Y/N, and I'm yours. You're safe now honey, no one will harm you ever again." I kiss his forehead and rock him gently in my arms.

"Thank you, Tara." He says quietly, he's been through hell and I'm glad I pulled him out of it.

"Don't thank me baby boy, you deserve to have peace. Just rest now, sweet boy. I've got you, everything's gonna be okay" I whisper, holding him closely, listening to the birds chirp as I rock him while sitting on the bench. After Woodsboro and what happened with Ritchies family a few weeks ago, I thought my life was gonna be bleak and miserable...

Turns out I was wrong.

[ruepellie]

I haven't seen a lot of discussion about RSD when it comes to ADHD discussions, so I thought I would do the honors since it's been affecting me for many years and I'd like people to know more about it!

I have had a diagnosis for ADHD but was never told- instead learning I had autism through therapy but still having some behaviors that I could never explain that just Happened.

I learned I had ADHD over the summer, and with that, severe rejection sensitive dysphoria.

before reading, please keep in mind that this is mostly talking from personal experience and some skimmed research! not experiencing RSD doesn't mean you do/don't have ADHD, and it may not appear like how it appeared for me. I don't only have autism + adhd either, so those may also contribute to any differences! ^^

RSD is the immense emotional pain after being criticized, rejected, or even teased (ignore my misspell in the panel). This rejection can be real or perceived, and we react like this because it hurts.

The pain can manifest as aggression, bringing on symptoms of depression (thoughts of s/h, isolation, demotivation, etc) and anxiety/panic attacks.

it can cause physical aliments like the above. For me, it causes my heartrate to skyrocket, heart palpitations, the feeling of being in a crisis, and extreme shaking to occur along with stomach pain.

(In fact, right now I'm going through it because making a post talking about this, despite having & dealing with it, makes me scared of other's opinions on it.)

RSD can also take the form of avoiding situations, people, or conversations where rejection or criticism is very possible.

Like other types of dysphoria, it is out of our control and hard to manage. It can last from days to weeks to months, all depending on both the trigger* and the individual.

I had a RSD episode that was on-and-off for a little over a year or two; getting more tame and bearable as it slowly drifted and stopped haunting my mind with the incident.

Compared to the other times my RSD was set off, this moment was a rather big moment in my life and ended up permanently changing me moving forward - which can be the reason why it lasted so long.

Despite how unbearable it can get, there are some ways to cope with it & lessen the effect it has.

Communicate - If you need time to process something that's told to you, you should say so (as difficult as it is). Tell the person(s) involved about your RSD, how you need time to digest information like this and take some time to relax. Trying to respond to the information while going through the head of the dysphoria will be very rough and might not be what you truly want to say.

Distract - This is really useful for me personally! Do something that grabs your attention or occupies your mind. One of RSD's main symptoms is rumination, thinking of something over and over again. I usually listen to music, draw, or play a game that won't frustrate me - like minecraft! (i'd say rain world but some of you would call me a maniac /lhj)

Perspective - This may require some communication, but it can really help and connect with others. See what the involved people thought / perceived, explain, talk. This doesn't always have the chance to end in rainbows and rekindling but at least you understand. Sometimes simply hearing the person explain their own side is enough to ease my RSD, being able to have someone explain themselves to me so i can understand them better.

I also wanna point out the "don't take it personally" thing that people try to use to deal with it isn't something i agree with since we're going to take it personally at first regardless. Later on, not really, but you're trying to cope with the symptoms... telling someone (or yourself) that they're too sensitive & over-reacting is the worse thing you could do.

With time, you can even begin to build up your 'armor' and be able to sustain yourself in situations you might get hurt in. Of course, some things may be able to sneak past and hurt you more than you expect, but at the end of the day, you're trying your best to go about it the best you can while taking so many blows. you're doing great.

OK i dont have a lot more to add so if anyone else would like to talk about their experiences, please feel free! Character showcased here was my beloved fursona Shiki! i'm just a little neurodivergent + black artist from new york :]

hope you enjoyed it! sorry for the long post </3

[hornithology]

Dojo AU

no-capes AU where Dick Grayson is a sensei at a Cuong Nhu dojo who teaches a tot class. Bruce Wayne brings 4yo Damian to the class and immediately falls in love with Dick.

this class was recommended to Bruce because Damian has 'behavioral issues' that have made it a nightmare to integrate him into kindergarten programs. Damian has gone through like 8 nannies. specialists have diagnosed him with autism and possibly ODD. Bruce is at his wits end. shouldn't the terrible twos be over by now???

so Bruce shows up at the dojo with his Emergency Damian Bag and teeny tiny demon Damian clinging to his pants. he called ahead and spent an hour talking to Dick to prepare him. Dick comes up to them to say hi in his white gi and Bruce is like—oh god help me this is the most beautiful man I have ever seen.

(the other senseis and regulars have seen this exact look pass over a parent's face many-a-time. it's par for the course with Dick! but also. this is BRUCE WAYNE.)

Dick kneels down and says, "Hello Damian, my name is Sensei Grayson. You can call me Sensei G."

Damian glares at him for a moment. and then lets out a cry and strikes him on the head with a chop.

Bruce is mortified. he is still not done processing the beauty that is Sensei Grayson and his horrible child has just hit him on the head! he's told Damian SO many times that he can't hit people!!!

Dick says, "ow" and frowns cause like. it didn't really hurt, but it's the kind of thing that could hurt someone and that's important to communicate with children.

Damian did like hitting this stranger but he does *not* like that Dick is 'upset'. he tears up and screeches, "YOU'RE WEAK I WON'T LEARN FROM YOU."

Bruce, so tired, "Damian—"

Dick, "Well, I can't make you learn. but if you don't take this class, you can't get a belt."

Damian narrows his little eyes into slits. Bruce holds his breath. is G's gambit going to work???

"I have a judo belt," Damian argues, which is true, but he is very much Not Allowed back at that Judo dojo.

"Ah," says Dick. "But you don't have a Cuong Nhu belt." he shows off the end of his tied belt, which is black and has four red stripes.

Damian grabs the end of Dick's belt and Bruce is having a meltdown. the disrespect! is it disrespectful in Cuong Nhu? but Dick doesn't seem to mind.

"You're Yondan," Damian says. like his father, he has a special interest in martial arts and learned all about the Judo ranks. "You haven't mastered yet!"

"I am fourth degree, yes, but the ranks are different in Cuong Nhu. did you know that Cuong Nhu is a blend of seven styles of martial arts, and one of them is Judo?"

Damian's eyes go big. "You know Judo?!"

redirect successful! "Come, I'll show you how to enter the dojo." Dick smiles up at Bruce who is so so so charmed and so so so afraid what Damian will do for the next hour of class.

[genderqueerdykes]

part of me wants to revive my old ace/aro positivity/advice sideblog and part of me still hurts and shies away from it because of the discourse and some of the shit i went through on that blog just for daring to say that aces and aros are queer.

how do you do it? how do you keep a blog like this going when there's just constant nasty bullshit coming in? i miss running it and i miss being the one who got to tell people who weren't sure who they were that they could be whatever they felt and that they were welcomed and loved. but i do not miss regularly getting told to kill myself or that i need therapy.

you know, that's a very good question, i haven't thought about that

it is very hard and i'm sorry people have treated you that way. i don't know why people are so determined to be as rude as possible about aspec people. like folks are just ruthless and it makes no sense because romance and sex are so normalized in our culture that people who step outside of what is considered "normal" for human attraction are very much queer. someone who refuses to partner because it doesn't interest them is very queer. someone who enjoys erotica but not sex is very queer.

it is hard, i will give you that. i do receive a fair amount of nasty messages, but i've noticed they've decreased recently because periodically i go into the terf and rad fem tags to block everyone who is participating in those communities. i'm very proactive with the block feature, i will use it if i feel unsafe, uncomfortable or like that person would be unproductive to interact with. i naturally have a sort of confidence to me that comes with my autism. i know i'm right about what i'm talking about (most of the time). if someone wants to challenge me, that's their business, but i'm generally very sure of myself and what i want to say

i am also heavily medicated, so keep that in mind. i do take several medications for anxiety, bipolar disorder, and so on. so a lot of the time my emotions are kept in check by my meds. i've been in therapy for a very long time and if things arise i can talk to my therapist or friends about it. generally online trolling doesn't bug me because i've spent most of my time online ever since i was a kid. i'm very used to the patterns that manifest when people want to bother someone else. i don't like giving rude people what they want

i remind myself that rude people are entitled. they expect the world to work the way they want it to, but that's just not how life goes. i also have DID, which means i have other people living in my head with me that can take over if i get too frustrated. generally i quickly journal out my feelings, delete the ask, and then move on. the greatest piece of advice i can give you is that you do *not* have to answer every single ask or message. if an ask pisses you off so bad that you can't formulate constructive thoughts on it, just delete it. you don't owe internet strangers anything

generally i'm very socially oriented. i really, really enjoy talking to people. because i've always had very progressive beliefs, i'm very much used to people trying to challenge me on what i know about the world and how things work. i lived with republicans and libertarians early on in my life and saw the fascist patterns in their behavior and wanted nothing more but to discuss how life really can be more gentle, welcoming and opening.

after i started this blog, i realized that there are people who are hellbent on misunderstanding you and that's something you just have to cope with. it's literally impossible to make people all think and feel the same way on a given subject, humanity is too diverse for that. there will always be someone who wants to misunderstand what you're saying in order to suit their own narrative. once i was reminded of the strawman fallacy, i began to realize that so many people literally just make up people to be offended on their behalf. people make up problems where they don't exist. some people literally wake up in the morning to do this and you can't change it- and that's alright. you can always block and ignore them. just because they got under your skin doesnt mean you owe them anything.

honestly, sometimes a person is cut out for it, and sometimes they're not- not saying you're not. it's *very* hard to do this, don't feel like you're a failure or anything. it's very exhausting at times. i take breaks and answer asks when i can for that reason. i don't want a schedule. i don't want to force myself to do this every single day. it's a job, but it's not. i like being an activist. i like helping. and i like changing people's minds. i don't mind having stressful conversations, because they're the ones people avoid the most. i've never been scared of having "tough" conversations. again, my autism helps me out in this regard

i think at the end of the day it's my love for other people that drives me. i've always been selfless and put others before myself. i really care about community and people uniting, it's literally my goal and passion in life. i've always wanted to become some type of figurehead in the community who is here to help. so for me, it's aligned with what i want to do in life. i'm aware that i have to take some blows in order to do it, so i do my best to take em on the chin

i hope that made sense or helped at all. i'm here to try to help spread awareness for folks like you who maybe can't due to mental health reasons. it's absolutely okay to not be able to keep up with it because of the amount of absolutely rude comments. i do what i do for people like you. maybe in time you'll be able to do so again. good luck out there! take care of yourself

[chronicbeans]

Hi! Since I saw the illustrator wally series I've been exited to request this, it was also sad to see how nobody has yet come with this idea or at least I haven't seen anyone else bring this up so here I come!

It will be interesting how It would work a relationship between Human wally and reader who has maladaptive daydreaming along with autism, I thought of how would it be to meet someone who has to experience something familiar with you. ( since maladaptive daydreaming can be described as a variant of schizophrenia with some small differences ) anyways, I'm a desperate for representation-

ET TU, BRUTE? Omg I maladaptive daydream too (if I am reading it right and you mean to say that you do IT-). My therapist says that I am like, addicted to it lol. My family counselor also likened my case more towards depersonalization/dissociation/a variant of DID due to me only daydreaming myself as other people. This is actually the first time I have heard of it being described as a variant of schizophrenia, but it actually makes a lot of sense, now that I think about it! I need more representation too, so let's do this! I'll try to make it as broad as possible, because everyone daydreams about different things!

Illustrator Wally with an Autistic Reader who Maladaptive Daydreams:

TW: Mentions of Hallucinations, Maladaptive Daydreaming

🖍️ He is a bit confused when he sees you pacing around your living room. He is visiting, and decided to try to surprise you by sneaking up behind you and giving you a gift! Now, though, he is a bit enamored by how you are prancing around, muttering little things to yourself as you seem so carefree and happy in your little world. This is the first time he has seen you like this.

🖍️ You finally end up turning around, in his direction, and your face grows a bit pale from shock and embarrassment. "Uh... Hello... I'm so glad you came to visit!" You try to play it off, but he is too intrigued. Maybe you are like him, and hallucinate, too?

🖍️ You explain what you were doing. You daydream... WAY more often than other people! Intense worldbuilding, character arcs, and more all take place in your head the majority of the day. You like to prance or pace, finding it helpful to feel more comfortable. You also tend to stim in other ways if you cannot pace or prance. The odd facial expressions and mutterings were just you getting in character and reacting to what was happening in your daydreams.

🖍️ Wally is intrigued. It is so... similar, but different, from him. Both you and him are autistic, yes. He's known that for a while, since you told him around the second or third meeting between you two. THIS, though, is so amazing to him. He wants to know more about the stories in your head!

🖍️What do they consist of? Are they horror? Romance? Action? Comedy? He wishes to know. Are you in them? Do you play someone else? Is it from a third person perspective, watching over your creations? If it is something child friendly, maybe you can write a book and he can illustrate it!

🖍️ Even if it is something more... dark, disturbing, overall NOT a kid friendly topic... he would still want to draw it! Maybe he can start to expand his illustrations into more adult books. He is shockingly good at drawing horror, you know. Some of his vent art is a really disturbing treat to view.

🖍️ You might get onto the topic of how both of your conditions are similar and different. You have a lot of characters floating around in your head. Different worlds, stories, everything! Wally does have, in a way, characters, too! The little voices in his head count, right? Sometimes the same one will pop up every now and again. Both of your conditions seem, in a way, uncontrolled. Due to Wally preferring to not use medications, he simply lives with the voices and hallucinations, going to therapy to help him cope and learn to live with it. You just go with the flow, in a way. As far as you've heard, the best and only way to help deal with it is therapy. No real medication or anything.

🖍️ You both are finally happy to find someone similar to yourselves. The best part is that it is similar enough to be familiar, but different enough to have such interesting conversations!

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

I was walking back to the station from my placement shift yesterday and it was pretty warm. I hate the arm sleeves I'm wearing while on the ward from a sensory perspective (hate is too strong a word, but you know. It gets pretty old), but since I have visible and not-yet-healed self harm marks on my arms, I'm hardly going to walk into a psych ward showing them, and that's the best option. So of course I shucked the sleeves as soon as I was out of the vicinity of the hospital. Every other day I've put a cardigan back on, because it's been cool enough to wear one. But yesterday I didn't fancy melting, so I decided to risk it; they're almost healed, and I hope I didn't trigger anyone. (Since I'm still hiding the existence of any such scars from my family entirely, I put the cardigan back on just before I walked into my home, but luckily it was late enough it was beginning to cool down so I didn't melt into a puddle merely putting a cardigan on.)

It felt... extremely weird. Like hi. I'm in the train, and if anyone happens to look over, they'll see I'm damaged and messed up. It's no longer something I can hide - hell, I hid the scarring from a suicide attempt in August last year from my brother until a couple of weeks ago, because it was pretty minor and I hid it initially until it faded pretty well. But this more recent stuff is - not major, because so many people have so much worse, but - it will be noticeable. And pretty obvious in characteristic that it's self harm.

I used to be able to hide my issues pretty well. I swear my parents wouldn't have known even now that I self harm unless I'd told them. (I mean, mum would've figured it out that time I left my knife out in the open and she confiscated it, but anyway.)

If I ever get to becoming a midwife, every woman I help will be able to look at me and know I am or were mentally ill. Will that negate anything I can do for them? Have I ruined all the possibilities of helping people in my entire life unless I hide this stuff? Do I now exist only to trigger people?

It's kind of funny doing a placement in a psych ward, knowing that in this ward, patients are not allowed to self harm or they get escalated to a higher care ward. I have to ask every single patient I'm caring for every day if they have any thoughts of self harm or suicide. And nobody asks us, the nurses who are looking after the patients. Are we okay? Who the hell cares? This isn't about us. Nor should it be! But it's amusing, in a way.

I have cared for patients, directly or indirectly, with every single diagnosis, both physical and mental, that I have or have ever had it suggested that I have. In a way it's freeing. I think next time I see my psychiatrist I'm going to ask straight up why I even need any psychological care at this point, because I'm fine. I fully acknowledge I wasn't, for a long, long while, but this placement - it's really showing me both that I was more ill than I knew at the time, and also that apart from enduring difficulties caused by autism that won't resolve, I am now fine.

I experience normal levels of anxiety, with very occasional meltdowns (and I use the word meltdowns generously, because my panic usually doesn't reach the intensity of a meltdown). My mood is excellent. I am content with my life. I no longer meet the criteria for an eating disorder. The physical diagnoses I have are mild enough that I can function without medication or any kind of medical support, really. (I forget to take my asthma medication often enough that I know I can do without it entirely, in all seriousness.)

Yes, I still experience suicidal ideation and self harm urges at times, but those are normal for me and just things I've got to accept. I haven't made a serious suicide plan for ages, and I haven't actually tried to kill myself for more than a year now. I've barely self harmed in the past two months, and only superficially.

All my issues are in the past. I don't need help anymore, not really - and this isn't me in denial, this is cold sober honesty. It's time to move on from the 'getting help' arc, and actually living my life without psychiatric involvement.

Not entirely sure how to convince those around me, though, even though it's unequivocally true. Given that people who know me in real life have only rarely picked up on my moods and problems (unlike y'all, who get a blow-by-blow account of my life like I'm a youtube celebrity livestream), it's understandable that they may be a little hesitant about it all. But really: I'm fine. Promise.

[imqueerandadeer]

Okay it's time again for rants and personal stories no one fucking asked for. Todays topic: How fucking rampant and normalized ableism is, with comments from @pansgoobernonsense as usual.

Really long post ahead guys you've been warned.

The reason it has been featured in the last post and now this one is because it's also ND and Asian and I wanted to get other peoples experiences with ableism.

It also said that I can interview it for practice because journalism sounds cool to me and I might want to be a journalist.

Anyways obligatory disclaimer/reminder. I don't speak for all mentally disabled people because we are not a monolith!! For example I am great at masking my ADHD and Autism (I'll get into that with more context later) and it's somthing I've picked up subconsciously. Other people with my same conditions may not be good at masking.

Also this post will mostly center around mental disabilities, specifically ADHD and autism because thats what we have and know most about. Neither me nor my friend are physically disabled (to my knowledge) so I won't speak much on it because It's not my place.

Alright with that out of the way lets add some context.

Hi, if you don't know me or haven't seen my blog before (most of you probably have though in some shape or form) I'm Ollie or Cupid. I have ADHD, self diagnosed (and peer diagnosed) autism, and possible dyscalculia. Theres also a millon other things I'm suspicious about having but I won't get into those.

Lets start with this, imagine (or don't idc) that your back in *gasp* middle school. Terrifying. Now since this is tumblr I'm gonna assume most of you have autism and/or ADHD so y'all most likely know what it's like to be in middle school and be ND. But still I wanted to talk about my experiences with ableism in school.

Okay I've noticed that the difference of how I get treated because I mask and those that can't mask for whatever reason is wildly different. I have instructional support which is technically special ed and no one has ever called me "Sped" or the R-slur. Versus the the kids who visibly have support needs and their disabilities are present. They get called those things all the fucking time.

The hypocrisy of it all is what really gets me. Kids at my school will really stand there and call these other kids dehumanizing things while I stand there as a person with ADHD and autism having to akwardly laugh it off and pretend it doesn't effect me. Yes of course I tell them off but it doesn't work, because they have been taught that what they're saying is fine and people who have higher support needs are not human, which is wrong and ablesist.

Thats not even their fault really it's what they were taught. Although if they weren't taught it and they know It's wrong but still do it then it's their fault

It genuinely got so bad that me and my friends wrote a letter to the office telling them about the ablesist language at our school, I don't think the letters ever got sent but yeah it was that bad.

On another note I don't think my schools very wheelchair accessible at all, although I wouldn't know really because I don't use a wheelchair.

Now heres @pansgoobernonsense experiences woth ableism as a whole, while mine were mostly about school its are more personal

"My personal experiences with ableism are mostly from my parents, and since I have not one but two neurodevelopmental disorders I’ve experienced it a lot. The most notable of these experiences come from my parents reaction to my autism.

A notable example was the time I was crying because I didn’t want to go to a party (I had had a panic attack at another similar party at the same place with similar people) and my dad had said I didn’t need to go but my mom made me.

I tried to explain (through tears) that I didn’t want to go and my dad angrily called me “autistic”. I’ve also been told to just “act normal” in social situations (despite the textbook definition of autism being essentially “I can’t act normal in social situations”). My parents have also neglected to tell me about my diagnosis for basically my entire life.

I was diagnosed when I was 2-3 and only found out this year. The reason behind this decision was “if I knew I’d tell everyone and use it as a get out of jail free card”.

They seem to treat my diagnosis as a label rather than an actual disability. It makes sense, since historically mental disabilities haven’t been treated the same as physical disabilities, but it’s still an awful experience."

While my experiences with things like this haven't been as severe as Nicks experiences I do have some of my own.

One time I was talking to my mother and she said that they suspected I had ADHD but didn't get me tested until I was 12 because she didn't want me on meds that early, which yes is a semi fair point but still why would you keep your suspicions a secret until I startes to notice and suspect it myself. That seems so weird to me and it could have saved me a lot if trouble if she had just told me.

Anyways thats it, sorry if it's not cohesive or coherent it's 1:00 am for me, I need to sleep

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hey, I hope it's okay if i ask for some advice !!

I've been experiencing an intense autistic burnout and haven't gone to school for 1 ½ months. It would take too long to explain, but I HAVE to go to school next week..I haven't been outside until today (with two friends for two hours to prepare myself mentally for school) and even little social interactions exhaust me terribly. Moreover, I am terrified to go to school and I am afraid that it will cause yet another burnout (which is inevitable while I am at school, but I don't want it to happen as soon). School exhausts me because of social interactions, masking, sensory issues etc..Do you have any tips/strategies on how to make my start into school less terrifying for me? My teachers don't know about my autism (except one) who's class I will attend on monday (I told them via chat a day ago, but we haven't talked about it personally yet). I am supposed to give my teachers the diagnosis in the next 1-2 weeks.

Thank you so much !!

Hi there,

I’ve found some articles that are possibly helpful:

I really hope one of these articles have some useful tips. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[brightlotusmoon]

Working on fics like "The Brightest Fire" without expectations is pretty freeing. I liked this scene where the brothers are being brothers.

-

Leo gave his sensei a long look, then narrowed his eyes. “Okay, we're leaving. Mikey needs to get some food, anyway.”

“I do?” Mikey asked.

“You've been traumatized,” Leo said lightly, “you need your vitamins.” He gently nudged the brother huddle toward the doorway.

Once they were on the other side and moving to the huge couch and huge screen, Mikey sighed. “You know I could just eavesdrop with my mind, right?”

Nobody said anything until they had deposited Mikey on the couch. The new one that April gave them, with sections and angles. The fabric was plush and dark green. There were several equally plush pillows in orange, purple, red, and blue. Mikey sighed as he sank.

“Yeah, we know,” came Raph's rumble. “But let's rest yer brain for a while. Ya been through a lot.”

“We've been through worse.” Mikey was pouting.

Someone caught his chin and he found himself staring into Leonardo’s worried eyes. “That depends on how you define worse.” Leo smiled very softly.

Mikey frowned at him. “The Shredder? All the Shredders? That's worse, I would say. And Bishop! And-”

The hand covered his mouth. “Okay,” Leo said, “those were extremely bad.”

Mikey raised an eyeridge.

“And nothing.” Leo shifted to pat his head. “This is also extremely bad. Let's not create a conspiracy board in our heads.”

“Hey!” Mikey huffed. “It's an easy visual, okay?”

“That's a good point,” Donnie said, leaning around Raphael. “Making connections is important.”

Leo sighed, settling back, stretching an arm around Mikey's shoulders. “Right now, Mikey, you need to rest your brain.”

Mikey stared at him, one eye squinting. “...dude, that's not really possible. My brain bounces everywhere.”

“I mean your psychic brain,” Leo said easily. “Your powers. You're exhausted.”

“Am not,” Mikey grunted. “I did all kinds of things when I was in that trance.”

“Which still bothers me on an ethical level,” Donnie sighed.

Mikey lifted an eyeridge and lifted his arms to make a sweeping gesture. “We are mutated turtles who came from alien goo, we have to keep ourselves hidden from creepy agents of doom, and you're trying to wax poetic about ethics.”

“Whoa,” Raph chuckled. “Cheeky.”

“Well, you're not wrong,” Donnie sighed. “But please keep in mind that we still haven't talked about your initial reaction to the video.”

Mikey licked his lips, eyes roaming. “Can we talk after three episodes of Star Trek Voyager? I promise none of them are Threshold.”

“It won an award,” Donnie said, automatically, an echo of a long word play game.

“We can watch it later,” Mikey said. “Right now I want angst.”

“What, like yours?” Raph huffed.

“No,” Mikey said quickly. “Fictional.”

“Bro, we might as well be.”

“Soo,” Mikey smirked, “does that mean we're not real and we don't have to have a talk?”

“And,” Donnie said, “that makes me more decisive. We're having a talk.”

“Nooo,” Mikey groaned, burying his face in Leo's shoulder. “Can't I just say I'm fine and you'll all believe me?”

“Noooo,” Leo grinned against his forehead.

“I told you, I'm cool with it,” Mikey grumbled. “It's not like I remember much.”

“That's the worst answer ever,” Leo sighed. He bumped their heads together. “It's a non-answer.”

Mikey gave a little growl, trying to think up more distractions.

“Okay,” Donnie said, holding his hands up in a time out motion. “Mikey, stop. Sit up.”

Donnie got up to crouch right in front of Mikey. Mikey shifted more upright and reached for the remote. Donnie took it and quickly started up a Deep Space Nine episode.

“Oh, you're going right to Bashir being discovered?” Raph commented. “Bold.”

Donnie tilted his head like a bow. “Thank you, I was feeling audacious.”

Mikey stiffened. “Yeah, yeah, I get the connection. Didn't we already do this with our autisms?”

“And now we're doing it for your superpowers,” Donnie said firmly, putting his hands on Mikey's knees. “We've seen this particular episode so many times we can quote it in our sleep. You probably do. It will run in the background while we talk. That gives us around an hour. Is that acceptable?”

Mikey looked between Don and the screen. “Fine.”

“Okay,” Donnie said, squeezing Mikey's knees.

“Okay,” Mikey said.

“Okay?” Donnie leaned forward slightly. His eyes lit up a little.

Mikey smirked. “Okay!”

“Oookay, yeah,” and Leo gently shook Mikey, kicking out at Donnie. “Get to it, Brainiac.”

“Oy, that's my line,” Raph grunted.

[irritablepoe]

no but ive only read a tell tale heart from the real author but just from that,,,i dont think poe would be very normal abt relationships especially with ranpo......i didnt finish perfume by patrick suskind (got kinda bored not bc it's bad but bc i just found something i like more ) but the secretive and quiet but extreme obsession of the main character reminded me so much of poe??? and i think i read somewhere that the real ranpo chose edogawa rampo as a penname because it sounds so much like edgar allan poe and even rampo's book title is like poe’s right it only added japanese at the beginning before the ‘tales of mystery and imagination’ so it's not rlly far off that their bsd counterparts would totally be paranoid and intense w each other <333

dont be sorry abt loving this ship a lot!! in fact,,,if possible, could u share a lil bit more of ur headcanons abt them hehehheehehhe i dont see them portrayed in this light often (like u said v v rare)

i think telltale heart is a good example of poe's writing tbh, his works often revolve around obsession and delusion but also with grief if you look at "the raven" for example (especially his poems are about grief and death a lot so)

i've not read perfume but i know the general plot i think and yeah it probably fits well

AND YES edogawa rampo chose this pen name partly bc of edgar allan poe, he also references poe's works in his mysteries which is fun!! both of them also partly write horror, especially edogawa rampo's works shook me to the core, it's so well-written but also so disturbing, i wouldn't recommend them just like that bc of body horror and uhh fetish writing ig? but the cases of akechi kogoro are also so fun to read as well and you can actually try and solve the mystery yourself!!

ANYWAYS, this was a lot of praising lol, i just really really love both of their works :D and these works are also part of why i think they're both fucked up in the head lol

my biggest headcanon i'm saving for when my fanfic catches up to what i've already written lol, so i'm not spoilering that (but if you wanna know i can dm you :3)

other headcanons that i've curated during the past months:

poe has some sort of dissociative disorder, he dissociates when he's too overstimulated or sth triggers him, also he possibly struggles with intrusive thoughts

ranpo has autism and npd

poe has a brother in america, his parents died when he was young

he had a drug or alcohol problem after he lost to ranpo - the guild giving him an opportunity to get revenge motivated him enough to mostly recover though

poe has some really dark fantasies and sometimes he lets it slip during crime investigations - ranpo doesn't mind, he's even amused

ranpo also secretly loves it when poe brags

ranpo and poe started stalking each other (maybe even since the beginning) until one of them realised and send a very clear signal that the other couldn't miss and since then they've been flirting via sending secret messages in a language only they know to each other - basically consensual stalking (yes i'm completely normal)(also i haven't decided who realised first but it was probably ranpo - i love the thought of ranpo getting all flustered too tho)

poe didn't only lose to ranpo in that mystery game. he also lost his reputation, his friends, his admirers. there was more going on there, they probably met before the competition and they were intrigued by each other before it all went downhill

when poe isolated himself he only had contact to his brother who desperately tried to get him out of his headspace. but he himself isn't the best at having stable relationships + he's also an alcoholic (inspired by irl poe's brother henry)

they're both incredibly jealous and do anything to keep the others attention on them (ranpo giving candy to poe to get his attention back, poe being pretty dramatic and acting up a lot, also obeying every wish ranpo has)

ranpo must have told poe about fukuzawa and fukuchi for him to be able to write about their past for when they were drawn into his novel - so that means they actually sat together and talked about their past. which is insane to me

i do have another headcanon post but i couldn't find it ahhh, but it has to be buried somewhere in all the ranpoe postings lol

okay that was a lot, thank you if you read all that tho hehe :3 and thank you for asking, i love talking about them hsdkjfsdhjfs

[sophieinwonderland]

I'm curious, are you aplatonic(spec)? Your story is very familiar, especially feeling like no one knows you, not knowing how to maintain relationships or what to say, ghosting people cause it's easier, not feeling like opening up.

I realized that I was just making excuses by saying that I am shy and I need time to warm up to someone. Blaming my social failure on trauma and depresson and autism. In reality I don't feel attachment or love. At best there's some faint intrigue towards a being, but not enough to warrant a steady friendship. I'm just not build for it.

Admittedly I do feel lonely, but I can't make myself feel a bond to a different vessel. I've tried, time doesn't improve it. Being shown affection just makes me want to flee. It's all empty and umcomfortable. So many things I'm expected to reciprocate that I'm not capable of.

I don't know... Honestly, this is the first I've heard of that term.

The thing is, when I first became self-aware, I wanted friends. I needed that social interaction and to talk to people outside of our head. And I did feel like I genuinely connected with people and enjoyed sharing things about myself with them.

I did struggle maintaining relationships too even back then, sometimes going weeks without responding to people.

I feel like my blog made it worse though, because it became a substitute. Anything I would have told friends before, I could announce to the world instead for content. And then telling the same things to friends made it seem like I was just repeating myself. And I didn't know who was following my blog of my friends, and if I told them what they already saw on my blog then that felt weird for some reason. Which yes, I realize is stupid.

So I had less time for my old friends, was second-guessing myself more, and felt like talking to the world was easier than talking to individuals.

And slowly, the friends I had who I really let in to see me fell away.

Then I didn't really connect as deeply with the people here.

I... feel like I chose a blog over these old friends I connected with and cared about. Because this felt right. It felt like this was what I was meant to do. My purpose.

I know that sounds silly to say, that my purpose in life is running a blog. But I wanted to raise awareness and help people who were like I was, who could live a fulfilling life if given a chance but might not even know they're real. And they deserved that opportunity. What I'm doing here feels like it's my calling.

And I have helped, haven't I? I've been able to answer questions about plurality, compile research, give advice to new systems, and spread awareness. So it feels worth it to me most of the time.

Did I feel as bonded to my friends as strongly as other people are? How could I possibly know that? But... maybe not quite as much. I don't know. I still wouldn't call that aplatonic since that feels like it would imply a complete lack of being able to form bonds with people which I know is untrue.

And... even though I'm not opening up to people here, and sometimes feel like an outsider, I do genuinely love the community here.

I define a friend, a true friend, as someone you can completely open up with and be yourself with. Someone who would see you for who you are and care about you anyway. Maybe that's too strict of a definition and a lot of people's friendships are more casual than this. But that's the type of bond I feel like I've been missing.

But I've bonded with the people here, even if it's from a distance. I'm continually amazed at everything orange-orchard-system manages to do for plurals here. I enjoy seeing Fenmere's posts about their own plurality because it's so different from what we experience and constantly gives me so many new things to think about. The Cambrian Crew have always been such a strong pillar of the community. And I've loved watching the Badeline of the Moonpool System grow into who she is today, running the incredible Protecting-Tulpas blog. And there are so many more.

I may not use the F-word with most of these people because I feel like it implies a deeper sort of connection that I find lacking.

But I do still care about people. I still cherish the interactions from my mutuals. I love seeing their posts and their perspectives.

And it's hurt to lose people along the way.

I don't think it would hurt to lose people if I didn't form attachments to them.

Aplatonic doesn't feel right to me.

[deathlygristly]

So I've seen all sorts of discourse about That One Post going around. If you haven't seen it yet: a dude said he got into the alt-right because he saw weird people online being weird about dudes and it made him upset and the alt-right was like hey bro we got you. It was very much written in the style of someone who perhaps had not completely left the cult. It made everyone upset in all directions.

Most of the basic positions have shown up on my dash, and I've only unfollowed the people who get really mad about other people being like hey I see people being weird online all the time and it hasn't made me a fascist, and/or who get really demanding about how somehow we are all personally responsible for controlling the language of all the trolls in all the various leftish leaning cults online but trolls from rightish cults can say whatever they want and that their existence is our fault for not controlling the posts of every single leftish troll on the internet.

My biggest takeaway at the moment is that deradicalizing strangers online is not a job I can do. I guess it's the autism or maybe the growing up without ideology but I really don't get...well, any part of the discussion I've seen.

Like I texted the spousal person earlier about how neurotypical people talk about gender and how it makes me wonder if they're a different species from a different planet. What do clothes and hobbies and interests and emotions have to do with gender?

But then I am married to a guy in his 40s who happily and autistic special interest-ly watches Korean romcoms and who knew all the kpop girl group songs they were playing at the grocery store and who once said he doesn’t feel like he has a gender.

I don’t know, having really weird and esoteric rules about what you and other people can do and being vicious about enforcing those weird made up rules is just….alien to my life and experiences. Why would you care about what other people do if they’re not hurting other living beings?

I guess that’s the main thing. As far as I can remember, my brain has always thought, “Hurting others is wrong.” I don’t think I can recall ever thinking “I should hurt these others because a group of humans told me to.” Or needing to never encounter another human displaying common human behavior like being angry and hateful online in order to not become angry and hateful myself.

Also everyone is saying that it’s about feelings and group membership and that just stating facts won’t work, so that’s me out then. I don’t understand group membership at all and I really don’t understand choosing to believe things that aren’t true because of emotions. I don’t mean that in a rightish cult “Facts don’t care about your feelings” way. I mean it in a “My feelings desperately care about facts” way. In a “It took years and years of work plus an escitalopram prescription for me to not hate myself to death if I found out I had said or believed something that was false” way. In a “Perceiving the best approximation of reality that humans are currently capable of is a core moral tenet for me” way.

Don’t hurt other living beings and do your best to understand reality as clearly as possible are the rules my brain came up with in the absence of rules imposed from outside. Those rules feel like…Me. Like What I Am. I don’t think I can phrase things in words that will change the beliefs of people who are so different from me that I would need a universal translator to have any hope of communicating with them.

Like I’ve said before, all I can do is accept and not judge people for their pasts if I see sufficient evidence that they truly have changed and are doing things to repair the damage they did. Getting them to the point of doing that, as opposed to accepting them afterward…that’s not something I can do, no matter how much people scream angrily online and judge and shame others about it.

[genderqueerdykes]

do you have any advice for feeling comfortable telling people you’re identity? due to a mix of autism and things related to being otherkin, ive realized i have a lot of labels. those being: bisexual, panromantic demisexual, omniromantic sex positive asexual, and biromantic demiromantic sex repulsed asexual. im scared to talk about them over fear of someone going “YOU CANT DO TAGT!!!!!! OICK ONE!!!!!!!!” and knowing if i tried to explain they wouldnt really. Get it? Basically, any advice for caring less about what they say?

that's a good question, this kind of thing is heavily dependent on context, who you're talking to, and a lot of other factors, so let's discuss that

it'll depend on who you're talking to and how informed they are on queer identities. if it's someone who is cishet, may be queerphobic but you're not sure, or someone who's not familiar with more than basic queer terms, it's best to give them a short and sweet version of your identity so you don't overwhelm them and potentially frustrate them. it's best to help someone learn by giving them a few things to digest at once, then later on you can introduce newer and more nuanced terms to them if they've caught on and are receptive

so for example, most people that i meet IRL who don't know anything about me yet, or may not be familiar with a lot of queer terms, i tell them i'm a bisexual trans guy. if they're more receptive i'll tell them that i'm genderqueer, and i'm bisexual because i'm a gay man and a lesbian. but if someone isn't familiar with a lot of these concepts, i keep it as simple as it can be at first. i told my elderly neighbor that i'm a trans guy and kept it at that, and she was very receptive, but i haven't found a reason to push it any further than that with her since it's not something that's necessary to discuss further unless she's curious or i feel like having that conversation

as long as you're able to introduce the "basics" that can help them refer to you as correctly as possible without confusing someone who's new to this, you may have a chance at softening the blow. other people are just determined to misunderstand you or misinterpret your identity no matter what it is or who you are. i have seen countless people hellbent on misinterpreting me, what i've said, and my identity and taking it in bad faith no matter what i say or do. it's just going to happen. and while it can hurt, and it's okay if things like that do hurt you, it's important to remember you can't control others and that they will do things we don't like sometimes. it's a reflection of how they think, feel and operate, not a reflection of what your identity truly is

if someone just outright refuses to refer to you correctly it's really important to remind yourself that they are disrespecting you and at that point, it's more important to consider how you feel, because you are the one who is being mistreated. it doesn't matter how defensive or indignant the other person gets, the important thing here is you are being mistreated. this is not about them, it is about you, and you are allowed to advocate for yourself when and where possible. you do not cease being important just because someone else is upset, remember that

take it bit by bit, you won't get over how much that affects you over night. try to remind yourself that some people are just going to be mean no matter what, and that them being mean doesn't make them right. people become defensive and abusive over things they don't like about themselves that they see in others. it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them, and it's best to remind yourself that they don't care about your feelings, so you do not have to care about theirs

i hope that helps you, take care, good luck out there. if you have any more questions feel free to ask!

[etherealspacejelly]

New follower! You may get this question a lot but I'd love your opinion: Any advice for someone who knows they may have Autism and ADHD but keeps gaslighting herself because she's been gaslit by her family and medical professionals while seeking a diagnosis? I'm asking as a WOC as well (and it's 10x harder to seek treatment because of that alone)

hello! welcome :)

for autism and adhd self-gaslighting, and gaslighting from others, i always recommend making an evidence document. i have made posts about this before so i will give you the link to both so i can keep this as concise as possible.

i will never fully understand the struggle of medical gaslighting that women of colour face, as a white person myself, but i have heard a lot about it and it sounds incredibly frustrating, and in many cases can be downright dangerous. i am sorry you have experienced that, its not fair at all.

what i have heard can help is to bring someone with you to your appointments. find a friend, partner, or family member, preferably white and/or a man, who is willing to come with you to your appointments. just their presence in the room can make you more likely to be listened to. its ridiculous, i know, but if that's what it takes to get doctors to take you seriously then it's what you must do, unfortunately. make that privilege work for you!

another thing I've been told you can do is to say "my friends have told me that..." or "my partner says..." when you talk about your symptoms, even if they actually haven't. you know you have that symptom, and the doctor won't know the difference, but giving it in the form of other people's opinions can make them more likely to believe you than your own observations about yourself.

other than the evidence document, this advice is not mine. i have read it in posts made by people of colour, so please dont give me credit for it. i have a great deal of privilege in that i was taken seriously straight away, i recognise that. since you specifically asked me about it i wanted to help you as much as i could, but with no personal experience, i can only provide you with the wisdom of others.

i wish you the best of luck in your diagnosis journey!