#i haven't taken any pictures of myself in so long but i took this one and i like it :-))))

[wewontbesleeping]

happy pride month, swifties!! 💗💜💙

[sirfrogsworth]

I'm very frustrated. I thought my health had taken a turn for the better when I figured out my heart issue. And I haven't really had any problems specifically with my heart for a while. But for the past 6 weeks I have been stuck in bed unable to do anything physical. I don't feel sick. I'm not in any major pain. There is no real misery. My body just isn't producing enough energy to function. It's a hard feeling to describe. Walking is very hard. Concentration is difficult. Willpower is nonexistent. The energy required to function is just not accessible. I can push myself a little if I need to, but then I have to recover from that and I risk extending how long I am in this state.

I've tried all of the things I usually try when this happens. I make sure to get plenty of sleep. I've been vigilant about taking my meds. I haven't pushed myself. But nothing has worked and I just feel stuck. I really wanted to get out more and get back in touch with friends and maybe even go on another trip to Florida. But all of that has been paused and I am in this liminal low power mode. The only active thing I've done was my Halloween picture and that took me 3 days just to pull off. Working about 20 minutes at a time.

I have so much to do and I'm running out of time to do it. And the things I need to do are incredibly important. Like, "don't end up homeless" important. And I am stuck in bed with no option but to wait until one day my body decides whatever this is has passed.

Plus there is always the fear of the "new normal." Which is probably one of the scariest phrases a person with chronic illness has to contend with. A time when your illness advances to a new state and you have to accept that is just how things are and hopefully find a way to adapt and continue on.

It's not been long enough to accept this as my new normal. But that fear is something I can't put out of my mind.

[sandy-the-glader]

Hi!! I hope this is okay!! If not, no worries!! 💜💜💜 (I love you lots!)

Can I please request an Adrian Chase x fem!innocent!reader Where while Adrian is out and about doing his Vigilante work he comes across a bunch of criminals in a warehouse, and after they’re all “taken care of”, he hears someone crying and finds a girl hiding behind a pile of the criminal’s stuff, and she’s handcuffed to something over there, so she couldn’t leave even if she wanted to. She’d obviously be completely terrified of Vig, but as we know, he is very good at reading a person and would clearly see that she is innocent, and had been taken by the bad guys. Normally he would just set the innocent girl free and be on his way, having already taken care of the bad guys, however… He had unfortunately taken off his mask right before finding her, and had forgotten to put it back on, so she has seen his face. Panicking, he just picks her up, and takes her to his car with him, driving straight to the 11th Street Kids HQ, carrying in a terrified Y/n, he himself all panicked, and the team is like “wtf did you do????” “Did you abduct her???” And he’s just like, “No no, I saved her! But then she saw my face… So I guess, yes??”

Lmao it’s honestly a mess, but the team takes care of Y/n’s injuries, apologies for Adrian’s behavior lmao, and lets her stay there until she has recovered, as not only is she hurt, but very scared. After a while of staying with them, she gradually starts warming up to Adrian, him desperately trying to get her not to be afraid of him anymore (for a while there she was terrified of him), and their relationship eventually grows into a more romantic and intimate one🥺🥺🤧

Afraid of Me

*Not my gif*

Character: Adrian Chase x SoftFem!Reader

Type: Fluff and sorta angsty

Length: 5.4K (a bit long)

Summary: Request above <3

Trope: Strangers to friends to lovers, Slow-burn

A/N: LONG A/N!! Sorry this took forever I've been busy with a lot of stuff and I just haven't had any time but I worked on this whenever I could. Btw again I bent the request a little bit (I'm not sure if I wrote what you wanted for it and I apologize ) so I hope it’s okay I just made this go over the whole period of time the show does and like more so there's more time for a bond to be built lol

I heard a quick gunshot followed by another. Tears continued to fall from my eyes as I was tied to some random wall in some warehouse, Apparently, I was not supposed to come across two men selling heroin to each other but here I am. They claimed I saw too much, took me, and tied me up. Who even does that?

I just wanted to return to my apartment and read this new book I bought. That's all I had planned for my day anyway. Yet now I was tied to a pole in some wet and cold warehouse with random crates surrounding me. I tugged and tried to break from but it was helpless. I cried and sniffled as I continued to try but there was no avail.

Were those shots from them or someone else? Please god, let someone save me. I had been here for hours and I was scared of what they had planned for me. They already hit me pretty hard over the head which caused a small trail of blood to fall from my temple.

I heard loud and heavy footsteps coming towards me. I braced myself and waited for the figure to come around the crate to where I was. He was wearing a teal suit, with blood covering it. It was Vigilante. Should I be happy or terrified? He's a killer but isn't he supposed to be a hero?

"Fuck oh my god." He gasped slapping a gloved hand over his mouth. He was missing one exceptionally important part of his suit. His mask. That must have been why he was so frantic.

In all honesty, he looked nothing like I always pictured him. He was lanky with glasses and he looked really young. He looked mid-twenties though I had a feeling he was older. He honestly looked nerdy.

"I'm sorry. I really won't tell anyone who you are. I-I mean I don't even know your name." I stammered. He didn't care though because he continued to curse.

"Fuck fuck fuck. This is so not good." he groaned. The man ran a thick hand through his hair while bouncing back and forth. "Umm." He pondered confused about what to do. "Shit, I can't let you go." My eyes widen. He already has saved me why not let me go on my merry way? He took off his glasses and put his mask back on.

He came over to me and examined my situation. He crouched down and started untieing the rope that kept me on the pole but didn't bother with the ones around my hands or feet.

I was about to thank him for his acts but he picked me up and started to carry me out. Oh, he's actually not letting me go.

"What are you doing!?" I panicked. I started wiggling my body in his grasp then he held me tighter. "Where are you taking me? This hurts." He continued to keep walking until we reached his car a couple of feet from the warehouse.

Holding me with one hand, he opened the door to his back seat and tossed me in. Judging by his face, he didn't mean it to be as aggressive but it was enough to get me to shut up. He slammed the door and rushed over to the driver's seat.

This is it. After all that's happened today I'm being kidnapped by Vigilante and who knows what's going to happen. I guess the law doesn't apply when it comes to him. I actually can't believe it right now.

The entire car ride was silent. Not a sound from the man or from me. It was terrifying. All I could think of was what was going to happen to me. it took him forever to get to his destination and when we got there I realized it was some rundown video store. That couldn't be where we're going right?

-

"Guy's we got a fucking situation!" Adrian called opening the door with the girl in his hands. The whole team in the building stared at him with wide 'What the fuck' like eyes.

"Who the fuck is that?" Economos asked adjusting his glasses and leaning over his desk.

Adrian (not so carefully) dropped the woman on the floor making her yelp out in shock and pain.

"Did you just kidnap a girl?" Adebayo's eyes widened at the sight.

"No Adebayo!" He yelled defensively. "Okay, well technically yes but-" He was cut off quickly.

"And why did you bring her here?" Harcourt burst out running a hand through her blonde hair.

"Okay, I was doing my badass stuff, right? Like beating up these bad dudes and I found her behind some crates." They all stared at him waiting for him to continue. "And since I didn't know these dudes took a hostage I took my mask off and that's-" He removed his mask again and replaced the glasses on his face. "Really bad." He grimaced.

"Adrian what the hell dude you could have left her. She would have never turned you in. Look at her. No offense." Chris said. She stayed silent like she never heard the comment in the first place.

She was scared to death, trembling on the floor with small tear streaks down her face. Some of the tears mixed in with blood on the left side of her face. She looked innocent as could be and she definitely didn't deserve to be in this mess.

"Dude what the fuck!" He shouted at Chris. "Now she knows my real name! You have so fucked me!" He continued to cure which didn't make the girl feel any better.

"I did not fuck you! Besides it's your fault for bringing her here anyway." Chris furrowed his eyebrows looking back and forth between the petrified girl and his idiotic friend.

"What is happening out here?" Murn came out from one of the rooms and immediately regretted his decision. "We're supposed to be working on the project butterfly case what are you doing Chase?" He asked sternly.

"Oh, now she knows about Project Butterfly!" Harcourt placed a hand on her forehead.

"Well, it's not like I can kill her because she's innocent" The girl's face drained at the mention of death. "and we can't get rid of her because she might tell someone who I am!" Adrian wined out. He was finally right about one thing.

"She also might screw our plan up," Murn muttered trying to think of a reasonable thing to do with this girl.

"Then what do you suppose we do with her?" Economos folded his arms. The girl had been silent the entirety of this conversation but she finally piped up.

"Um.." Her voice caught everyone's attention and they turned their heads to look at her. "I-I can clean and o-organize around here." She stammered. "I can help you guys just please don't kill me." She pleaded. They all non-verbally agreed she had been through enough judging by the look of blood running from her temple and dirt caking her shirt.

"Yeah that honestly could be useful," Harcourt spoke. She looked around the room to only be met with agreeing faces. She let out another deep sigh before Murn spoke up.

"You will work the same hours as us and will get paid a fair amount." He folded his arms tightly over his chest. He didn't ask he just demanded she work.

"I'm also a fast learner and I can help you with anything you need. I don't have a current job so that would be perfect." She tried to look at the bright side of the situation. I can work for money but this is a destructive and hard-core business she pondered. "And since this is a very um dangerous job I just so happened to be trained in medical care." She offered.

"Oh, sweet! That's perfect so now dyed bear can stop doing such a shit job of stitching me up!" Chris smiled.

"Hey!" Economos protested. It was perfectly fine he thought.

"What about my living situation? C-can I still stay In my apartment?" She asked. They all looked around at each other because that was one thing they hadn't thought of. If they let her stay, she could always tell people without them knowing.

"If we let you stay in your apartment, you must realize he" Murn pointed at Adrian Chase himself. "has to keep watch of you? He somehow always knows if someone is doing something they shouldn't be." She nodded slowly. "And if you tell anyone and I mean anyone you will be terminated immediately, do you understand?" He spoke firmly making her hands tremble.

"I understand." She muttered.

"Now that everyone is done with this whole situation I suggest you get back to work," Murn concluded walking back to his office annoyed with the inconvenience.

-

I sat there absolutely stunned at what just happened. I just got myself into a bat shit crazy job. I mean I don't even know these people and one of them literally abducted me. This is not normal.

Project butterfly? Are these guys all heroes or something? I already was aware of Vigilante's existence and somewhat Peacemaker but there's a lot more than just those two.

"Oh my god, he didn't even untie you." The blonde-haired woman spoke in surprise. I didn't say anything because really what was I supposed to say? "I'm Harcourt." She kneeled beside me. She opened a switchblade and sliced through the ropes binding my hands together and then my feet. "Come on let's get you cleaned up. She went and collected the first aid kit from one of the desks on the left side of the room and motioned for me to sit at her desk. "What's your name?" She asked.

"Y/n L/n." I said quietly as I stared into my lap anxiously.

"Come sit Y/n." She said calmly trying to make me comfortable.

I stood up uneasily and almost fell back down. I steadied myself and carefully walked over to the chair and sat down gently. She pulled out a couple of cotton swabs and some alcohol. She poured the strong liquid onto the small ball.

"I'm sorry about him." Harcourt hummed taking the cotton swab to my forehead.

"Hm?" I replied softly.

"Adrian." She looked me in the eyes. "He just isn't all there sometimes." She mumbled. She tossed the bloodied-up swab in the trash and put a bandage over the small cut.

I looked over at Vigilante who I guess was named Adrian. He was talking to Peacemaker and he looked perfectly innocent. Not even an hour earlier he was tossing me into the back of his car. Jesus, what did I really get myself into? Not only does he have to escort me home, but now I have to work with him. He's a psycho!

"She has a point you know." The woman I was pretty sure was Adebayo spoke up. I glanced at her and she nodded trying to make me realize it. "He's a really good guy you just have to get to know him. I get it he basically kidnapped you but he's stupid in everything but fighting."

"Yeah okay," I mumbled softly. I don't care what they say now I can't trust him after what he did unless he really proves he's trustworthy. At least these people actually had the decency to tend to my wounds.

She continued to bandage and take care of every cut I had on my arms and face. I enjoyed her already because she was delicate to me and cared about my feelings. Pretty quickly she finished and put all the materials away.

"Come over here I think we found a box of old clothes you could change in." She led me back into the store and I could feel Adrian's eyes burning into my back.

-

"Dude she's afraid of me!" I panicked at Chris looking him dead in the eye. I waited for her to leave before I talked to my best friend about the whole thing.

"Well, I mean you did throw her in the back of your car. Chicks don't really dig that. Unless they're like hardcore." Okay yeah obviously I fucked up big time but I was under a lot of pressure and I wasn't doing what I should have!

"Dude I didn't know what else to do." I whined

"I mean you just gotta make things right with her I guess. I don't know I usually don't have to apologize to girls." He shrugged his shoulders. Great okay how am I supposed to do that when she's obviously afraid of me? Fuck. "Listen when you walk her to her apartment just be like 'Sorry for kidnapping you in my shitty car that was a pretty bad thing to do!' or something like that." I let out a heavy sigh. This is never going to work.

-

I came back out to the main room in a sweatshirt with the video store's logo on it and sweatpants that were longer than my actual legs with the same logo down the side of it. I held my original clothes in my arms and I was quiet.

What do I do now? Go home? How am I supposed to feel safe in my own home when I know that guy is watching me?

"Listen." Harcourt grabbed my attention. "You can take as much time as you need before you go home. I know that was probably a traumatic experience for you so let me know when you want to leave." She spoke as if she had read my mind. I nodded. "Also we have your address so we can get you home easily." Okay well, I told her my name and that was all it took to find out where I lived. Spectacular.

"What are my work hours?" I still can't believe I got myself to work for these people.

"Just don't get here any later than 8. Hours are different every day. Since you now work here I guess I should tell you who everyone is." She pointed to Peacemaker and Vigilante who were still chatting near the corner of the room "Chris and Adrian ." Then to the other man in glasses. "Economos." The guy in the other room that I could see through the glass. "Murn." Finally, she pointed at the last girl which I already knew. "and Adebayo."

I stood around for not too much longer before very anxiously describing to Harcourt my wishes to leave. She understood fully and went over to Adrian to make him take me home. He looked at me with some sort of care in his eyes but I just couldn't look at him so my eyes fell back to the sight of the floor.

"Come on kid." Harcourt motioned with her head to leave out the door with the man. I walked out the door and the cool air hit me as the sun started to sink down below the horizon.

One car ride and then I'm home. This time I got to sit in the front seat of his car instead of being thrown in the back like a doll. I secured my seatbelt and then just slumped against the car door. All I could really do was pay attention to the passing cars outside and the quiet buzz of the radio.

I also noticed the pleasing smell of his cologne that filled the car or how he hummed along to the Taylor Swift song on the radio. Someone like him is a swiftie?

"I'm sorry that I kidnapped you." Adrian broke the silence between us in an attempt to apologize. I ignored it and kept looking out the window. It was a long day and I genuinely couldn't tell if he was being sincere or was just trying to make me feel like he cared. "Please talk to me. I know I fucked up." I glanced over at him; his eyes flickered between the road and me. "Hey." He reached for my hand and flinched away with wide eyes and a quickened heartbeat.

His eyes lit up in sorrow. He looked like he felt bad. He backed off and for the rest of the car ride, he didn't talk anymore. There was so much tension in that car I felt like I was going to suffocate. I could barely look at him. I was still scared of his guts.

Every turn and stop made me think over and over about the events that occurred today. It was nauseating.

Finally walking through the door of my apartment left me with this feeling I couldn't describe. All of the events that happened today were fucking unbelievable.

The book I was planning to read was on my bed and was quickly tossed on my side table with a small thud. I sprawled out on my bed not bothering to do anything else tonight.

What. The. Fuck.

-

It's my first day on the job and my teammate already hit someone with a car. A van actually. I got to the disguised video store a bit after seven and Murn described the plan to me. Since I wasn't significant to the plan I just stayed in the car with a first-aid kit just in case things went south. And oh they did.

"Is he dead!?" I stood in the van looking at Economos dumbfounded. He didn't reply at first he was just making shocked quivering noises.

"I... I don't know?" My eyes widened as he started to get out of the car holding a crowbar tightly in his hands. I left the kit on the seats (since I had been fidgeting with the latches the whole ride) and followed him for support or something like that. Maybe I thought I could help. He inspected inside the car which he had hit fully force.

Judomaster was crawling on the ground in front of the car slowly. Economos inched closer and closer to him holding the crowbar. He whacked him once over the head and jolted backward then his body went limp. We waited and sure enough, he kept crawling. He hit him again and he still was moving. I slapped a hand over my mouth as he repeatedly hit him on the back of the head. He poked him a few times like you would a bug making sure he wasn't moving.

"Oh my god." He let out. "Fuck yeah!" He turned around to high-five me. I lightly returned it. "Don't worry he's not dead." He said sensing my shock. "They're hardcore it takes a lot."

"Well, what do we do with him now?" I looked at Economos for ideas. We ended up tying him up and throwing him in the back of the van. I watched him intensely. When would this dude wake up? I really hope not any time soon. Murn radioed us and let us know that they would be coming back soon with of course Vigilante. Economos drove us back to the spot we were supposed to be in and awaited their arrival.

"You're pretty cool." I complimented him. He was taken aback by the positive words.

"Well thank you." He adjusted his glasses with a bright smile.

We waited for 15 minutes until they finally arrived and loaded themselves into the van. Everyone looked untouched besides Harcourt's messy hair, a couple cuts on Peacemaker's face and Vigilante crying about his bleeding toe. I grabbed the medical kit I had set down on the seats just minutes before and rushed to Adrian's side.

I motioned for him to move his foot up to where I needed it. He hesitated for a moment but then proceeded to lift his foot into my lap. I scoped out his injured toe and I pulled out the needed materials.

Yikes. I was definitely glad that I stayed in the van. Adrian’s foot jerked in my lap as I tried to get some alcohol.

"Hold still!" I complained to Adrian trying to hold his leg down from wriggling under my grasp. From the looks of it, this man had managed to get half of his pinky toe cut off. That is such a bizarre thing for torture.

“It hurts so bad though!” He wined when I took the alcohol to his foot. He had obviously had worse happen to him but this?

“It could have been worse,” I said. My hold got tighter on his leg since it kept jolting side to side.

“Pft yeah, this was nothing!” He lied as if he hadn’t been complaining two seconds ago. “I’ve gone through worse in DND.” A small smile appeared on my cheeks. DND huh? Who knew the big strong Vigilante was a total nerd? And a swiftie...

“One of my characters got their arm bitten off by a bear so I’d say you’re okay,” I said. His eyes lit up at the mention that I had played before." Just sit still it's about to get worse." His eyes clenched shut.

"Oh shit!" He screamed out making everyone irritated in the van. I shushed him gently with a soft hand on his leg. He shut up very quickly but his body still tensed occasionally with every sting. I held his foot carefully as I bandaged it up thoroughly.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" I asked. I still didn't dare to look him in the eye.

"Yeah, but I can wait until we get back." He tried to act tough but I could hear the pain in his voice. I noticed a couple of holes in his shirt. Maybe I could fix his shirt while I'm at it. God am I being too nice?

I mean I'm trying to think of the bright side of what happened yesterday and honestly, it didn't seem so bad anymore. He saved my ass and I'm having a paying job. I can only imagine the pay is fantastic for what these people have me doing. I sat next to Adrian. I was feeling a little less scared of him now when I thought about him like that. Even through the visor, his eyes were peeled onto me. It felt like since I got here they never left.

Getting back to headquarters I couldn't get Adrian to get out of the van without making a scene. I dragged him quickly into the store so he wouldn't draw any attention from people lurking around In the streets. I pulled him by his hand and made him sit in the closest chair I could spot. He whined and moaned obnoxiously loud. I knew the stories and new articles about the man. He was tough and put up a big fight, he never lost against criminals.

I grabbed the larger bandages from an area Harcourt showed me just this morning and also some more alcohol.

"Show me where you're hurt." I looked at him curious about what else had happened to him. He pulled off his chest plate and revealed the deep stab wound in his shoulder. The fabric of his shirt clearly revealed the bloody mess it left. My eyes widen. "You kept this from me until now?"

"I could handle this. The toe I'm not entirely sure." I cleaned and bandaged the wound with intense concentration. I was careful and sure not to cause any more harm after this long night. "Thank you." He said softly. I just nodded and didn't reply with anything else.

-

The days passed as we worked on this project and the days were long and there was a lot of work to do. I didn't have almost any free time anymore so it was hard to make time for friends I actually wanted to talk to or things I really wanted to do. Adrian continued to try his hardest to earn my trust and befriend me.

I started to warm up to him crazy enough. He did little things for me I thought were sweet. Sometimes he brought me breakfast or he would try to learn about things I liked so he could talk about them with me. I started to trust him more and more as the mission proceeded because he was really good company. He would talk and I would listen.

A couple of days after the whole 'Adrian getting his pinky toe almost cut off' situation he got himself arrested. I didn't even know until Harcourt talked to me about it and what Adebayo said to him. I felt bad for him because as much as I thought I disliked him, I hated to hear he was where he was and how Adebayo literally manipulated him into doing it.

The night he got out he showed up at my apartment because he still needed to check up on me and since he hadn't been able to. For the first time, I felt comfortable enough to hug him. So I did, I wrapped my arms gently around his torso and gave a small squeeze. We stood like that for a minute before he quietly wished me a 'goodnight' without any further words. That was the kindest moment we had ever shared with one another

Then the next day we had another mission. Since all this time has passed, I had been informed on what a Butterfly fully was. At first, it was entirely confusing until I realized these were tiny alien butterflies here to kill us. I know it sounds like something straight out of a sci-fi movie.

I had to sit through a whole meeting in the morning next to Adrian where he (the whole time) joked with me. It felt sorta nice honestly. He never stopped being friendly and I just kind of started to accept it more.

And the whole mission went by quickly.

"Oh my god." I blurted when everyone arrived back in the truck. Peacemaker and Economos were fully drenched head to toe in blood, Harcourt had a good amount on her, and Adebayo and Adrian had little to none on them.

"We fought a fucking gorilla!" Adebayo exploded with astonishment. Jesus, sometimes I wish I didn't sit in the car the whole time.

"Economos is the fucking man." Peacemaker clapped him on the back with a proud grin. I did miss a lot if those two are now getting along.

"All the blood is the gorillas right?" I asked startled for a second considering the amount.

"Yeah we're all fine," Harcourt said tiredly.

"At least no one's arm got bitten off, like your DND character right?" Adrian nudged me in the side and sat down next to me. Sure I had only told him a few days ago about that but it still made me happy that he had remembered that tiny detail.

"Right." I smiled. Chris sat in the front and started playing music like he had at the beginning of the ride. I sang along with the rest of my team members to 11th Street Kids and I actually started to enjoy my work a little more.

I looked over at Adrian who was dancing like a dork. He looked so adorable? He was playing air drums and making up random dances as he went. I don't know why but I started to not hate him anymore. I started seeing this more personal side of him. Not Vigilante but Adrian.

"C'mon dance," Adrian whispered in my ear and nudged me again. I started to sway along with the group.

Later that night Harcourt made a group chat with all of us and sent a photo she had taken in the van. I set the book down I had finally got to reading beside me on my bed and picked up my phone.

Everyone was dancing in the van but on the right side, you could see me looking at Adrian with the sweetest smile on my face. The chat is filled with different emojis. The only number I had was Harcourts but from the merman emoji, I already knew it was Adrian. I liked his message and sent a fitting emoji to match the others.

I set my phone down and continued reading with a big smile. I never seemed to stop today.

-

It was the final day of the project and I wasn’t allowed to go. I wasn’t entirely complaining since this job was so bizarre but I was also disappointed. I mean all this build up and I don’t even get to go. They said it would be safer for me and of course, I understood.

But as the night carried on and the morning came through I was nervous. I had no texts or word from anyone. Sure, they still could be busy and have to do some other stuff before texting me but what if?

I heard a rushed-sounding knock on my door which threw me off. I ran to my door since the person decided to not stop knocking.

"What do you want?" I hissed as I threw open the door but I was only met with Adrian. My eyes soften upon seeing him. Oh, thank god he’s alive. "Adrian. Hi." I paused when noticing he was in a pair of shorts and a nursing gown. "Come inside." I ushered him in with wide eyes and closed the door quickly behind him. "What are you doing here?"

"Listen I jumped out of a hospital building to be her so-"

"Adrian!" I scolded him for being careless. I had started to really enjoy him I didn't need him being so careless all the time.

"Shut up. Sorry, but I need to tell you this." I stared at him silently with folded arms awaiting what he was about to tell me. "Okay, so after almost dying, I know what you're about to say please just wait. After almost dying, I realized had more feelings for you than I have ever had for someone and that's like a lot for me." He stepped closer to me. "I had to tell you those feelings just in case I actually died sometime. But now I'm scared if you reject me because of the whole kidnapping thing when we first met and usually I would be okay with rejection but I don't feel usual with you." He rambled and his hands made several confusing gestures along the way.

Everything about him told me he was being truthful. His hands were trembling with nervousness, He literally came from a hospital to tell me this and he just had that look on his face.

The feelings from the other day came rushing back. I really enjoyed being with genuine Adrian. The time we spent together over the course of this project was enjoyable. I noticed small things about him like the way he always made sure to keep an eye on me and was careful not to get me into anything super dangerous. He had become almost like a personal guard.

He even taught me how to use weapons, and also never overstepped my boundaries. So yeah maybe I developed a crush on my kidnapper co-worker.

"Why are you looking at me like that I'm like really nervous right now." He asked.

"Because I feel the same way. Even though you did totally kidnap and traumatize me." I nudged him smiling but he didn't return it. "Adrian I was playing with you. But I really do feel the same way." He let out a long breath. I was quite sure he had stopped breathing for a little while.

"Oh thank god." Adrian stepped closer and picked me up in his arms as he kissed me deeply. I've kissed a couple of times in the past but never did it feel as amazing as this. I held him close to me as if he would slip away again. He pulled away to look closely at my face.

"Just because you kissed me doesn't mean I won't scold you for almost dying." I glared at him but he just smiled kindly and kissed me again.

"If I keep. Kissing you then. I won't. Get yelled at." He said in between kisses making me start to laugh.

“Don’t scare me like that again Chase.” I shook my head kissing him passionately once more. I could get used to this feeling.

[thewayitalknj]

Part 4;  A continuation from my blurb which can be read here.

Quick Notes - This is the final part I promise LOL. Thank you all again for your love on this! :)

Warnings - SMUT ; 18+ Please! ; [p in v] this is the first time I've written smut so bare with me, I did my best!

-------

"I'm in love with you." You feel chills run through your body, he can't be serious, right?

The setting? Romantic. The way he's looking at you? Romantic. The way it just casually came out without hesitation? ROMANTIC.

Even so, it still has to be a joke.

"Psh, yeah okay. So that's the lie. Okay so my turn-" But that's when he grabs your hands. You stare down at them, hoping this wasn't a dream and you sure as hell didn't want to wake up.

"It's not the lie. None of this is a lie. I'm in love with you." He looks up at you, those brown eyes looking deep into yours. Just a few short hours ago you wanted the bed to swallow you whole and now you feel like you're drifting on a cloud.

You whisper, "Eddie-"

"Look, I didn't know how or when I was going to tell you. It's been long, so fucking long and I just couldn't wait anymore. And then I heard what you said in the kitchen a few days ago and I just knew it had to be the right time, a sign right?"

You whisper again ; "Eddie-"

"It's just I always knew, ya know? You're my best friend and I thought I would never fall for you the way I did. It all just happened so fast, I almost didn't believe myself because I thought I was nuts but I knew there was no denying it. Even Wayne pointed it out one night after you left, like it was that obvious."

You lean in, "Eddie-"

"Plus the gang leaving us alone all the time? I loved it, I always hoped they would and they did. I didn't know if you thought or felt the same way but I always went along with it just incase it was something. And some of them have known, mainly just Jonathan and Argyle though."

You lean in more, speaking louder ; "Eddie-"

"And damn I wanted to kiss you so bad back at the playground. It was literally a picture perfect moment, like something out of a movie and then this storm rolled in and ruined how I wanted the rest of the night to go but-"

This time you took matters into your own hands, jumping onto his lap and straddling him. Grabbing his face with your hands you scream his name ; "EDDIE." He finally gets some sense knocked into him when he realizes the way your positioned. He looks down, then up, trying to catch his breath from rambling. "Just, shut up."

And that's when it all happens, all at once ; Lightning strikes, thunder sounds, the wind picks up and you kiss him. You kiss him so hard you knocked even more of his breath away. At first he didn't know what to do, or even think. This has been a moment you both have been waiting, dreaming, wishing for. And he sure as hell wasn't taking this moment for granted.

He fades right into the kiss, immediately wrapping his arms tight around your waist just incase you had any intention of parting. Wasting no time you tilt your head and wipe your tongue asking for entrance and the moment he lets you in he flips you on your back moving his mouth to your neck. "Christ I've waited so long for this."

"We both have." You breath out, reaching for his shirt and tugging it up. He lifts himself up to toss it across the room. "Watch the candles!" You scream.

He looks back down at you, wide eyed. "...Sorry. Ruined the moment?"

"Fuck no." You laugh, pulling him by his guitar pick necklace and moan as he dives right back into you, pushing your hips up to match his rhythm as he moves with you. "Mmf, fuck stop teasing."

"Me? You haven't even taken anything off yet."

"Oh, excuse me." You clutch the bottom of your shirt and pull it off so fast Eddie does a double take of your chest.

"Holy shit." You reach for bra next ; "wAIT wait wait." You stop looking up at him puzzled. "Please, let me." You nod your head as he repeats his actions. Starting from your mouth, to your cheek, to your neck, down to the center of your chest. His hands slowly move under your bra over you breasts, taking in every sensation he can feel. You shiver with anticipation as he slowly reaches behind you to unclasp it. Eddie takes his time so he can take in every moment ; He never wants to forget this, he wants this etched in his brain for enterinty. When your bra is removed and thrown behind you his mouth finds your nipple, taking in small laps as he moans ; hips moving upward again and you can feel his hard-on. Your head falls back as so much emotion takes over you.

"Eddie, please-"

"I know baby I know. Just taking things slow. I want this to last as long as possible." He kisses your other breast before his hands find your pants, reaching under the hem and pulling them down along with your panties. After he crawls back up you do the same ; pulling down his boxers and pants at the same time. You both take a moment and stare, astonished as if you have never seen the human body naked before. "So much for taking things slow huh?"

You laugh as he comes back down to kiss you ; before you even have time to answer you feel the tip of his cock grazing your entrance. You push your hips up again and he laughs into your lips, "eager are we?" Wasting no time you reach down and grab it yourself, bringing it across your wet folds that have been aching for him, slowly beginning to stroke and the moan that escapes his mouth is unheard of. "Okay okay but I don't have a-"

"It's fine."

"But-"

"Eddie, please. We've been so patient with this crazy ass situation and we both deserve this." He nods his head, looking into your eyes for one more confirmation. You nod back, as he lines himself up. Slowly, slowly, slowly...

"Ohhh..."

"You're telling me sweetheart. Fucking hell.." Both your words are dragged out as he continues to push in and out. Your neck stretches out from your head bobbing back and he buries his head in the crook, breathing heavily as his movements continue. The pain from his teeth sinking in is far from your mind as the pleasure takes over.

Any outside sounds seems to drown out. You don't hear the wind, rain. It all seems and feels like a dream.

Before you can find the words to speak he starts to pick up the pace and you smile, realizing that you didn't even have to say anything because your bodies are so in sync. Your hands wrap themselves in his hair, moving down to his neck and back, leaving small scratches from digging your nails into the skin. One of his hands finds your waist lifting you up while his other balances on the blankets below.

It's not long until you feel your walls caving in.

"Oh god I'm so close-" Your moan is so loud as the thunder comes back into the distance.

"Me too baby." Eddie whispers. "Wh-"

"Inside Eddie, please." He smirks, smiles? You can't even tell because you're in such a blissful state. His lips find yours as his thrusts become forceful.

"I love you."

"And I love you." As the whimpers filling the room drown out with the rain, you both cum at the same time. The moment lighting strikes the skies above you again, the sudden realization hits you that this actually happened. You just had sex with your best friend, the man you have been in love with for so long ; and he loves you back in return.

Coming down from your high Eddie collapses on-top of you, heavy breath heaving from his lungs. You kiss the top of his head, moving your hands to pet his hair.

You both lay there for a few minutes before he lifts himself off, disappointment now fuels you emotions and it shows with the whine that comes from your mouth. He looks down at you and laughs, kissing you all over before getting up. "Where are you going? You can't just leave me here."

"I'm getting a cloth and water. Sit up for me babe." Your smile comes back as you sit up against the couch, wrapping yourself in a blanket as he returns with a wet cloth. You thank him as you clean yourself off and he sets the waters on a small table beside you. He crawls back under the blanket with you, resting his head on your shoulder. You both sigh at the same time, and then you feel his arms wrap around you ; bringing you back down. You maneuver to where you're laying on his chest, both facing a window to watch the storm and it starts to disappear.

"I'm so glad you told them to leave." You state, and he chuckles again.

"I know, me too. I can't believe we both played along to their sick little game for so long."

"You're telling me." And because you can't help yourself, your sarcastic nature kicks in. "And to think we've been missing out on this incredible sex the whole time?"

"Hey," he pokes your side making you sequel. You sit up to meet his eyes, "there's more to me then just good sex babe. But you're gonna have to stick around to find out."

"I've waited this long." You lean back in, and whisper, "I don't plan on going anywhere." One last kiss to seal the deal, but so many firsts to come.

And you sure as hell couldn't wait.

~

Quick Notes - Again, I can't thank you all enough for the love on this little series. I've loved writing it and reading all your comments. Love yall! :)

[elizaditton]

Too Small To Be Afraid (Chapter 17)

Cover / Master Post / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

I struggle to support myself on Derrick's shoulder as he walks. I was having a hard enough time balancing when he was sitting still, so trying to steady myself as he moves definitely isn't any easier.

As I hold onto my deskmate's shirt collar for dear life, I scan the horizon for any sign of that tree. Since I was always in Derrick's hands when he walked me home before, I was never able to see too much of the surrounding area. Now that I'm up here on his shoulder, I can see everything: stores, houses, cars, and of course nature. It's unreal seeing it all with my own eyes! But as I look around, I can't seem to spot that cherry tree.

Derrick wouldn't take a detour, would he? Since the apartment is so close to the school I highly doubt it, especially since he knows how in love I am with that cherry tree. But if we haven't taken a detour... why have we been walking for so long? I know I wasn't able to see much scenery before, but why don't I recognize anything at all?

"Here we are," Derrick says.

I gaze up at the blue house in front of us. This is not my apartment.

"Um," I start, "where are we?"

"What do you mean?" Derrick asks. "This is my house."

I nearly lose my footing when my legs threaten to buckle beneath me. He took me to his house?! For the party?! Why?! What happened to asking my dad first and helping him with... that thing?!

Panic sets in as my deskmate reaches for the front door. What should I do?! I can't stay here!

"W-wait!" I stammer, hoping to get Derrick's attention.

"Yes?" He asks, a note of confusion in his voice. "What's wrong?"

"I-I— um, I think there's been a misunderstanding!" I blurt out.

"A misunderstanding?"

"Y-yeah, I... didn't think we were coming here. I thought you were taking me home."

Derrick rubs the back of his neck. "Oh. When I asked you before we left, I thought you said you wanted to come over."

My heart sinks. "I-I don't remember," I utter, my core twisting and tightening at my current predicament.

"I'm sorry," Derrick says. "If you want me to, I can turn around and take you home."

"Are you sure? You wouldn't mind it?"

"If you're not ready for this, I don't want to push you," he says as his brows turn upward.

"Then could you—"

Before I can finish answering, the front door opens.

"What's the birthday boy doing standing around out here?" asks a woman with long, wavy brown hair and big green eyes.

"Oh, we were just— I mean, I was about to—" Derrick stammers.

"Well, don't just stand there," says the woman, smiling warmly. "Come in, come in!"

The woman grabs hold of one of my deskmate's hands and pulls him into the house. The unexpected movement causes me to stumble, but Derrick catches me in his free hand before I fall and holds me close to his neck. My heart pounds and pounds in my ears as heat radiates from my reddening cheeks. I thought we were close before, but this?! This is a little too close!

"Mom, I need to—" he starts. "Hey, what's this?"

When Derrick pulls his hand away from me, I scramble to regain my composure. Once I'm able to balance myself on his shoulder I look around the room and see it's decorated with balloons, streamers, and gifts. There's even a banner that reads 'Happy Birthday John And Derrick.' I blink, cocking my head to the side as I read the sign. Who's John? My eyes widen and my heart bangs against my ribcage. How many more people are coming to this party?!

"Don't go thinking I wouldn't decorate just because your brother's not here!" Derrick's mom exclaims.

I forgot Derrick has a twin brother who's away for university. As curious as I am to see how alike the two look, I'm relieved to have another perthean out of the picture.

"Right," Derrick says. "Anyway, Mom, I need to take—"

"What do you think?" His mom asks, clasping her hands together. "I know yellow is your favorite color, so I tried to use as much of it in the decorating as I could."

"Um, it's great! But really, I need—"

"What time are your friends coming over again?"

"5:30. Which is why I need to hurry and—"

"And who's this?" The woman says, leaning towards Derrick's shoulder with her eyes fixed on me.

A shiver runs down my spine as I struggle to think of something to say. "H-hello, m-m'am," I wave.

"This is Kaylin, my deskmate," Derrick says. "And I need to take her home."

"Home? But you just got here!" Derrick's mom says with a frown.

"Well, yes, but I was only... I mean, I just wanted to show her where we live. It was on the way," my deskmate lies.

"I see," the woman says with a smile. "Well, Kaylin, you're welcome to stay if you'd like! I'm sure your deskmate would enjoy your company on his special day."

Guilt builds up in my chest. What was I thinking letting Derrick walk me all the way back home? And on his birthday, no less! He should be using this time to prepare for his party, and here I am forcing him to deal with me. Should I really be treating him like this?

My heart sinks when Derrick turns to leave. This is my last chance. Can I really do this? Will I really be able to make it through this party?

"Hey," I whisper.

Derrick stops in the doorway. "Yeah?"

"It's... okay," I mumble. "I'll stay."

"You will?" Derrick says, his eyes wide and a smile spread across his face.

"Mhm," I hum, although something deep down inside of me still wonders if this is really a good idea. "I think it would be fun to... hang out with you. Outside of school, that is."

Derrick looks down, his grin stretching from ear to ear. "It means a lot to me that you'd say that. But Kaylin," he says, shifting his gaze back to me, "are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I... um," I think for a moment, unsure of what to say. Am I really ready? Do I think I'll be able to handle this? "Well, I don't know. But what I do know is that I want to be here."

"Okay," my deskmate says. "But only if you're sure."

"Don't worry. I'm sure." I say, although the doubts running through my mind don't make me feel sure at all.

What if Derrick misplaces me in such a big house? What if a ton of people are coming over and he forgets I'm even there? What if I get stuck somewhere? What if someone doesn't notice me on a table or counter and I'm knocked around or squashed?

Anxiety wells up in my core as Derrick turns around and closes the door behind him, sealing my fate.

"Oh?" Derrick's mom pipes up from in front of the kitchen sink, where she's begun to wash dishes. "Change your mind?"

I give a shaky nod from my place on Derrick's shoulder. "I-I thought I might as well stay, since I'm here and all."

"Wonderful!" The woman smiles. "Make yourself at home! If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know."

"Th-thanks," I stutter.

Mrs. Drake's brows turn upward for a moment as she smiles. As she returns to washing the dishes, I can't help but wonder if she's caught on to my fear. I need to get a hold of myself! I can't keep stuttering like this! I don't want anyone to think I have anything against pertheans!

"Derrick, honey, don't you want to change into something more comfortable before your other friends come over?" My deskmate's mom asks.

Derrick looks at me with worry in his eyes before looking back to his mom. "I don't exactly want to leave Kaylin alone. Since she's already here, I mean."

"She won't be alone. I'll be right here the whole time," Mrs. Drake beams. "And besides, I'd love to get to know her!"

My gut twists into a knot within me as my arms and legs begin to shake. Left alone with Derrick's mom?! How in the world am I going to handle that?! I immediately start to regret my decision to stay at this party as Derrick raises an open palm to his shoulder for me to step onto. Taking a deep breath, I release my grip on the collar of his shirt and carefully inch towards his hand. I don't know how I'd ever live it down if I stumbled in front of another perthean!

My deskmate lowers his hand onto the kitchen table, and I somehow manage to step onto the hard surface without flailing around much. A hollowness suddenly overtakes my core like a punch to the gut as Derrick removes his hand, leaving me stranded where I stand. The table is much lower than the average balcony, and my head starts to spin as I crane my neck back to look up at my deskmate from the wooden surface.

Noticing my struggle, Derrick crouches down in front of the table. Now he's the one looking up at me, but his size is still so overwhelming to me. He's just so... big. His face nearly fills my entire field of vision! I back up a bit, clutching at my skirt as anxiety floods my nervous system. He's so close. We were close before when I was on his shoulder and when he held me to his neck, but... this is just different. And I'm not so sure I like it.

"Will you be okay?" Derrick whispers.

I let out a deep, trembling breath. "I-I will be. You can go."

When Derrick stands to his full height, I don't dare look up at him again. I keep my head down as my heart pounds and pounds in my chest, begging me to find someplace to hide. Once Derrick leaves, the sound of the running faucet is all that fills the room.

I spin around and see Mrs. Drake continuing to work on the dishes. If I'm lucky, she won't say anything, and I'll only be waiting a short while for Derrick to come back. I figure this is as good a time as any to let Dad know I won't be home for a while. I pull my phone out of my skirt pocket and slide over to my text conversation with him. I write what comes to mind.

Won't be home until later.

I pause. What am I supposed to tell him? Do I really tell him I'm at my deskmate's birthday party? That would be a huge win in his book. I can picture my dad now gloating about how he was right in sending me to Pacific. I shake the thought away and add to the the message.

A friend wanted to hang out.

I gulp, silently hoping he won't ask any further questions, and send the message. It takes a moment, but eventually I get a single thumbs up emoticon in response. I let out a sigh of relief.

"So..." Mrs. Drake says as she glances over her shoulder at me. "Kaylin, right?"

"Mhm," I nod.

"And you're new to Pacific?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She hums in response, returning her gaze to the dishes in the sink. "And... have you always lived in town?"

"Actually, I just moved here. I was born and raised in Maedri," I answer.

"Oh, Maedri!" Mrs. Drake says with a wavering tone. "I heard they have a bustling undercity there."

"Y-yes," I stammer, "it's pretty expansive compared to Chancelor."

A moment of silence passes us by. I watch quietly as Mrs. Drake sets various plates, bowls, and utensils on a rack to dry.

"It would be easy to live entirely underground without ever seeing a perthean then, wouldn't it?" She finally asks.

My heart sinks. What's she getting at? "O-oh, I guess so," I say.

She hums again. "And... might I ask what brought you to a school like Pacific?"

I swallow dryly as my legs quiver beneath me. What am I supposed to say to that?!

"U-uhm," I start, begging my voice to come out without any more stutters, "my dad wanted me to go to his old high school."

"Ah," the woman says. "And would you say you're... handling everything well?"

She has to be onto me. Why else would she be asking me all these questions?

I'm about to answer when I hear footsteps approach from behind. Finally.

"Sorry I took so long," Derrick says, emerging from the hallway. "Kevin and Brittney are on their way, I just got off the phone with them."

As I turn around, my eyes take in every aspect of my deskmate's attire. Jeans and sneakers, a striped yellow and white t-shirt, and a gray and yellow jacket. He's dressed so... casually! I stare down at my school uniform. I feel overdressed.

Derrick chuckles at the sight of me. "Sorry you didn't get to change," he says. "Do you want to take off your blazer?"

I think about his question for a moment. I tend to feel safer with more layers on, like I'm wearing some kind of armor to protect myself from danger. Although, I don't want to risk wearing my blazer to the party and getting it dirty somehow. And maybe it's just because I'm so nervous, but it does seem to be getting hot in here despite how much cooler it typically is above ground.

"Where should I put it?" I ask, removing my blazer and letting my arms breathe through my white button down shirt.

"May I see?" Derrick asks, approaching the table and placing his hand in front of me.

I reluctantly lay my blazer atop my deskmate's fingertips, and he pinches it between his thumb and index finger before lifting it high up to his eyes.

"Wow," he whispers.

My entire body is immediately overcome by a hot flash of some kind, and I begin to tremble where I stand beneath my looming deskmate.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that!" He stammers as his face reddens. "It's just that it... and you... I mean, it's just really tiny. Not that you're... that. I mean, I would never—"

"I-it's okay," I interrupt. "I know I'm... short."

Derrick seems to relax a little at my words. He sighs. "Anyway, there's a place for this right over here," he says, carrying my blazer to a coat rack beside the front door. He hangs it on a smaller arm that seems to be designed for human items. "There."

They have a spot for human items on their coat rack? I thought for sure nothing in this house would be fit for a human!

"You look confused," my deskmate states.

I straighten my head and unfurrow my brow. "I-it's just... I didn't think you'd have something like that here."

Derrick looks back to the coat rack. "You mean a coat rack? Doesn't everyone have one of these?"

"No, I mean that," I say, pointing to the smaller arms. "Why do you have a spot for human items on your coat rack?"

"For human guests! Why else would we have it?" Derrick asks.

My mouth hangs agape at my deskmate's words. I thought items like this were something I'd only ever see in the movies! I didn't think pertheans would actually include items in their homes for human guests! Come to think of it, I didn't think pertheans would entertain human guests often— yet here I am.

"You think this is special?" Derrick laughs as he approaches the kitchen table and pulls out a chair to sit down. "Wait until you see what else we have!"

My mind swells with wonder and curiosity at the idea of there being other human-friendly items in this house.

"Derrick, honey," Mrs. Drake says, pulling me from my thoughts. "What would you like for dinner tonight?"

My heart skips a beat at her words. How could I forget about dinner?! My body trembles at the thought of sharing dinner with— who knows how many people? No, how many pertheans?

"D-dinner?" My deskmate stutters, his eyes widening with surprise.

"Yes, dinner! You said this morning you'd have to think about what you wanted and that it depended on whether or not one of your friends was coming."

Derrick turns to look down at me, his face a bit pale. "Oh yeah, um... one girl has a few allergies, but... she isn't able to make it."

"So what did you decide on, then?" His mom asks.

"Um..." Derrick starts, his brows upturned and his eyes focused on my quaking frame. Suddenly, a smile appears on his face as he turns back to his mom. "You know, actually, we won't be hungry for dinner. We all had big lunches at school."

Mrs. Drake folds her arms, tilting her head to the side as she narrows her eyes at her son. "Do you really expect me to believe that? You know, the last time something like this happened—"

Derrick abruptly pushes his chair away from the table and stands from his seat. "Mom, can I speak with you for a moment?"

Mrs. Drake nods, letting out a sigh and following my deskmate down the hall.

What's going on? Why is Derrick trying to avoid having dinner so badly? Could this be about me? What does his mom mean by 'the last time something like this happened?' Is Derrick going to tell her about my fear?

Although I know it's rude to eavesdrop, I can't help but try to listen in on the two pertheans' conversation. All I'm able to make out is some harsh whispering, interrupted by the occasional 'why.' At one point I hear Derrick whisper, 'just give me some time!'

As the duo emerges from the hallway, I try my best to look like I wasn't just poking my nose where it didn't belong. I try to ease my tremors by rubbing my arms, but it doesn't help much as Derrick and his mom resume their previous positions in the kitchen. Derrick's mom flashes a polite smile at me, only to immediately turn away and resume drying and putting away dishes. What the heck happened back there?

Bing-bong!

"Oh!" Derrick says, standing up again and heading for the door. "That must be our other guests!"

I gulp and wipe my shaking, clammy hands on my skirt. The party's about to get started, and there's no turning back now.

[justworthlessreblogs]

Unironically here for the tangled au I want to eat it

and so you shall feast. you have no idea how long i've been keeping this in i've wanted to talk about it so bad (it was originally gonna be a surprise fic while u all waited for finale. i thought it was gonna be 5k. it was not 5k.)

i call it the riopunzel au because rio's the rapunzel in this au. and yes he has the 70 feet of hair

why is rio rapunzel, you ask? because noir is the perfect fit for gothel. also riopunzel is a really funny pun. the pun is literally the reason this au exists in the first place. i was falling asleep one night and my brain went "hey you know what an au where rio was rapunzel would be called? riopunzel" and i went "oh my god. i have to write this down" and the rest is history

this makes ciel flynn, of course! kirarin is her real name. she's the princess of the kingdom of ichigoyama, but is currently on the run because she may or may not have stolen a certain crown

the reason she stole the crown is because she's looking for her twin brother who was kidnapped shortly after they were born. she's got this grand fantasy in her head of finally finding him and presenting him with the crown (it's her brother's. she has a matching one) and then they can all live happily ever after. mom said no we are absolutely not doing that that's too dangerous so she went Fine I'll Do It Myself and ran off. absolutely nothing is going to go wrong with this plan at all

to be fair the crown is technically her property anyways

their mom is lumiere. she's the queen, ofc. and no noir is NOT the father we are noirlumi haters in this household. i have no idea who the dad is there aren't really any canon characters i could use and i also don't want to invent an oc. so there's no dad in the picture

lumiere is understandably very protective of kirarin after losing her son, which is part of why kirarin runs off

yukari is the horse except not a horse. she's co-captain of the royal guard. lumiere sent her to track down kirarin and drag her back

akira is yukari's wife and the other co-captain. she's more of a background character but she does show up very briefly

aoi is the daughter of the noble house tategami. she plays in a street band, not that her parents know. she and ciel kinda know each other from events but never really spoke much. she only gets a cameo (sorry aoi)

himari also only gets a cameo (sorry himari) but i picture her as some sort of sweets scientist (maybe like varian from the series but with sweets instead of alchemy? and no villain arc. i haven't actually watched the show so that's all i know about him sorry if i just failed varian 101)

ichika is just a townsperson (sorry ichika)

the ciel de reve is the snuggly duckling. ciel took her alias (ciel kirahoshi, of course) from its name. it's one of her favorite places to hide out when yukari is especially hot on her trail

bibury is a server/bartender at the ciel de reve. she's a lot more well adjusted in this au! riopunzel!bibury was found and taken in by chourou around the age of 6 and got to grow up happy and healthy :)

cielbib have a situationship

chourou's granddaughter, pekorin, also helps out at the ciel de reve from time to time

chourou owns the place but since he's getting old it's pretty much bibury's tavern by now

everyone's aged up a little, the middle school gang is now 17-18 and akiyuka are 21-22. pekorin is like. 11. also everyone is human

eliso and grave are the stabbington brothers, but ciel never teamed up with them so revenge isn't a motivation. they're just in it for the money, especially grave

noir is World's Shittiest Father but what else is new

ciel's natural hair color is blonde, but she dyes it pretty regularly to disguise herself. rio's is his original civilian persona's black-blue color, but the flower makes it the pale blue color it was as julio. as in tangled canon when it's cut it reverts to that black-blue

he's referred to as julio for most of the au, because that's what noir called him. his birth name is pikario ofc

for the most part the story follows the events of the movie. it's more of an exercise in "hey wouldn't it be really funny if i put the characters in this situation"

[crimsonredfeathers]

Leaving

~*~ Chapter 9 ~*~

Hawks x slightly older!fem!Reader

Warnings: more fluff

Word count: 1.2k

Notes: I'm ashamed of myself that it took me literal months to get back to this story 🙈 So, if there's no update even for a long period of time, I haven't abandoned this story at all, I really just didn't find the time to continue. Thank you for being patient with me, everyone ❤️

Prologue * Chapter 1 * Chapter 2 * Chapter 3 * Chapter 4 * Chapter 5 * Chapter 6 * Chapter 7 * Chapter 8 * Chapter 9 * Chapter 10

🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤

🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤

As subtly as you could, you took in your surroundings while following Hawks to his sofa after you had taken off your coat and shoes. His home was spacious with a modern interior. A small kitchen was installed right next to the living area, the furniture looked like they were on the higher end of the price range, and quite frankly, the whole place was basically spotless. How he managed to keep everything in order with a job like that was beyond you. But what surprised you the most was the lack of personal items like pictures or other decorations, or even something that was related to a hobby he might have. "Are ya done checking out my apartment?" Hawks chuckled as he motioned for you to take a seat.

"I'm gonna grab something to drink. Are you okay with some green tea?" You nodded and sat down on the sofa, watching him pouring two glasses of tea in the little kitchen area. "Hawks, can I ask you something?" He looked over his shoulder, a little surprised. "Sure, go ahead," he replied, a smile on his lips, before he turned back to the glasses, ready to carry them over. You pondered for a second on how to phrase the question and if this really was the time to ask but ultimately decided to go ahead without beating around the bush. "Is there anyone present in your life?" His movements came to a hold for a second except for a barely visible twitch of his wings, like he was contemplating on how to answer. Finally grabbing the two glasses, he turned around. "I don't have a girlfriend if this is what you wanna know," he said as if you weren't aware of that fact anyway, wiggling his eyebrows playfully at you while he walked over to set the glasses down on the small table in front of you. Hawks had clearly decided to avoid your question for now. "You know exactly that this is not -" The ringing of the doorbell interrupted you mid-sentence, and Hawks hurried over to the intercom next to the front door. A minute later, he received the delivery and, judging by the way the delivery guy and your boss exchanged pleasantries, they seemed to have occasionally met before, at least.

Hawks closed the door of his apartment and carried over the box of pizza. Opening it, he held it out for you to take a slice before setting it down on the table. He took a seat next to you, barely leaving any space in between, and grabbed a slice of pizza as well. "Look, y/n," the young hero said, voice uncharacteristically emotionless, "my parents aren't in the picture anymore, haven't been for years. I got trained by the HPSC, which means I was surrounded by all those people much older than me without any spare time to go out and make friends." He stared at the baked dough covered in toppings and cheese in his hand. "Until you joined the agency, the closest thing to friends I had were my sidekicks, and I only met them a few weeks prior to meeting you when the agency was opened for business." You nodded, feeling a little uncomfortable with the answer. It reminded you of your own situation and made you sad, honestly. You yourself didn't have any family left. "Sorry, Hawks, I just should have let it go," you said quietly, avoiding to look at him out of guilt for ruining the mood with a question like that. "No, songbird, it's alright."

You were surprised to feel something soft brush against your back and shoulder out of nowhere. Glancing to your side, you quickly realized that his feathers were the culprits. Hawks had carefully laid one of his wings around you in a protective manner, and the warmth radiating from it made you feel at ease. "You see, I'm not a very interesting person. I don't even have any real hobbies to impress you with because I have barely any spare time. But," he smiled, his wing hugging you just a little tighter, "you'll have to tell me more about you for sure. So, how was your trip? I want to know everything. " And with that, he took the first bite out of his slice of pizza, leaving you quite a bit puzzled.

While the both of you sat there, munching away on your take-out, you told him about your trip to your hometown. "My former boss wanted me to say hi to you. He, his wife, and the others thought that it was a real pity that you couldn't make it. The little daughter of my ex-colleague seems to be a huge fan of yours, by the way." Hawks laughed. "But you're still my biggest fan, right?" You nudged his side with your elbow, only causing him to laugh even harder.

~*~

It was getting late at this point, and both of you had to be back at work tomorrow. Sure enough, Hawks had offered to bring you home, but you didn't feel comfortable causing him any more inconveniences on his birthday and decided to go and flag down a taxi. You had already put on your coat and reached the door of his apartment when you turned to smile at Hawks who had followed behind you. "I had a lot of fun spending your birthday with you. Also, the pizza was really good. Thank you for treating me." A soft smile adorned Hawks' features. "Thank you for stopping by, y/n. It meant a lot to me." You slipped into your shoes, gave the hero a hug, and walked a few steps down the hall until you reached the elevator, pulling your small suitcase along with you. Once inside, you bowed slightly before waving goodbye. "Oh, and, just in case you wondered," he winked at you, "I did hear and feel that." A confused look graced your features when he slightly puffed out his feathers, plucking one of them and holding it up as a hint right before the doors of the elevator closed. It took you a moment to catch up on what he was talking about, but soon enough, realization hit you. He had been talking about yesterday when you had let your finger slide over his feather while wishing him a good night's rest from afar. Of course he did. You should have expected as much.

~*~

Soon, you were fast asleep. The exhaustion of traveling had easily taken over your body once you had laid down and snuggled into the comfort of your bed. Unbeknownst to you, Hawks struggled to get to sleep over at his own apartment, tossing and turning for at least another hour, while way too many thoughts crossed his mind, every single one revolving around you.

🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤

Taglist: @claralouvette @chrisrue15

🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤

A huge thanks to everyone who's reading and supporting this story! See you next chapter ❤️👋

[darkanddirtyknb]

Important Notice

I want to give a warm hello to all of my beautiful like-minded freaks, creeps, and horny little toads. We have had quite the journey together. It's hard to believe I started my blog and Patreon so long ago. Sometimes it's painful to reflect on because I was in a much better place when I started my blog. But we learn to live with the hand we receive in life, and that's what I'm doing. Which brings me to the reason I'm posting this today. This has been a long time coming, and I suppose I've been putting it off because I haven't wanted to admit it to myself. I've been in such a period of stasis. But I kept trying to convince myself that I could return to how I used to be—putting out content like the wind, writing commissions, having deep discussions and long conversations with my supporters, and so on. But the truth is, I just can't do it anymore. My body has taken a toll on me, and my fire has burned out. My physical health (and sometimes mental) has taken its course, and this is the path I have no choice but to follow. However, despite the war I'm waging with my body, there is good news. I won my disability claim. I'm not making much, but it's enough that I can support myself monetarily. So, I will be closing my Patreon. I'll also no longer be writing commissions for the foreseeable future. I've been delaying this part of my announcement because I hate letting people down. My Patreon aside, I made a lot of promises to people that I couldn't keep. For that, I'm sorry. I never accepted any money for work I didn't start, so I owe no one anything in a monetary way. But I will be letting people down, and that truly bothers me. If you were in line for a story, I give you my sincerest apologies from the bottom of my heart. If you feel like I let you down in any way, I'm sorry for that too. That said, to be fair, I didn't know this was going to happen to me. I hold no control over the turns my health takes, and if I could change it, I would. I will still post from time to time. I'm not giving up on writing. But what once took me one to two days now takes me weeks, sometimes months to finish. I will still be around, and I will still engage with my followers. I'm not disappearing. My health may have won this round, but I won't let it take me down. I've come too far to give up what I love. I actually have a very detailed story in the works, and come hell or high water, I will finish it. I want to thank everyone who has stuck by my side. To everyone who has supported me, shared talks with me, read my works, liked my stories, and left comments—thank you. These things have helped me through some of my darkest hours. As for my Patrons, hopefully, by closing my account this month, you'll be able to have some extra money after the holidays. I want to give a special thank you to you. You kept me afloat by helping me pay for necessities like my medication, food, gas for medical appointments, and more. Without you, I truly don't know how I would have reached this point in my life. I hope there are no hard feelings. I'm doing what I need to for myself, but also, what I feel is best. If I get a second wind, I might write those stories still jotted down on my whiteboard. You never know. Lastly, I want to share another piece of good news. My parents surprised me with a new friend. I will post pictures of her below. Her name is Luna. (Not after Luna Lovegood, but our Lord and Savior, The Moon.) She has certainly kept me on my toes, and I'm not sure she's been the best thing when it comes to my disabilities, considering I can barely keep up with her. But I'm in love, and I know that ultimately, she'll be well worth the hassle—which she most definitely is right now. She's a right pain in the ass. I'm pretty sure she's a quarter Gremlin, a quarter Audrey 2, and two-quarters Piranha. I'm sending all my love to everyone. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. If you have any questions or just want to shoot me a message please don't hesitate. Please take care of yourselves. It's dangerous business out there. Much love, Kai

[worriedvision]

Homemaker part 2 - Gorou

Gender neutral reader, angst. Part 1 here. Open end here, could be interpreted as happy or sad.

--

You woke up a week after the break up, still unable to bring yourself to move out or remove the pictures of you and Gorou together. You didn't get much sleep, but occasionally you got a good hour in.

When you wake up, however, you see a group of soldiers from the sakoku tying you up, moving to drag you into the living room.

"What's happening?" You foolishly ask, not yet fully awake.

One of the soldiers crouches down, facing you as the others begin to go through the rooms, looking for items. See, someone had discovered you were dating the General of the opposing faction, and the soldiers saw that as a possible source of information. They devised a plan between each other to make you tell them any plans you knew of. If you didn't give information? Well, those pictures would be the first to be torn apart.

"Your sweet dog boyfriend is a topic of interest to us." The soldier explains. "See, he is against the Shogun's words. You need to help us with arresting him, as he is a very bad man."

Instead of indulging in any details, which you had none of, you simply stare at them. There was no way this was legal for them, surely they would have taken a more civilized approach if they were to question you. You also took note of the fact they didn't use his name, perhaps this was a trap for you to verify your boyfriend was Gorou.

"I'd speak up if I were you." A soldier pipes up, holding an anniversary gift you planned to give Gorou, him opening the letter and putting on an act as they read it out loud. "Aww, it would be a shame if you were to lose this gift."

The gift doesn't mean anything anymore, but you still tear up at the words. It hurts to realise that your relationship has ended, and you still haven't removed the gift. Hearing other people throw down the picture frames with your pictures grounded you to what was happening in the moment, and seeing the broken picture frames only made you feel even worse.

When they realise you still aren't talking at the havoc happening, they decide to trash the place even more. Finding anything that can cause noise or disrupt the tidiness of the rooms, they go to flip furniture and break any vases.

"What do we have here? I was just taking a stroll, and I hear the most...disruptive sounds from this house." You hear someone say, unfamiliar but clearly not with the group.

"Mind your business, detective." The soldier in front of you grumbles. "We're doing our part."

"Kujou Sara may not agree. " The man shrugs. "Plus, you are going much too fast to intimidation tactics."

"They aren't gonna sing unless we scare them." The soldier retorts, the man standing by the door raising a brow. The man looks over his shoulder, and he spots someone. Gesturing for the person to rush over, the man doesn't reply to the statement. "What, you gonna bring more soldiers? They'll just agree."

"Kujou Sara, I doubt you have authorised this behaviour." The man hums out, the soldiers suddenly standing up and clearly fearful of getting caught.

The man at the door escorts you out of the house, Kujou Sara patting you on the back and apologising before you hear the men become cowards, begging for forgiveness.

"I'm not telling you anything." You huff, the man laughing.

"it wasn't my intention, don't worry," The man states. "I'll take you to the station to get your statement."

The man, who you discover to be Shikanoin Heizou, makes sure to let you explain your situation. The conversation doesn't last all that long, given what little information you had to give, and Heizou informs you of something you were reluctant to do.

"I'll need to get you to Watatsumi Island." Heizou states, your face deflating. "You won't be safe here. At least in Watatsumi Island, you won't be targeted like this."

"But I was there a week ago! I was even escorted back, so why is it now I can't protect myself? I was with Gorou for ages!" You huff, crossing your arms.

"Well, given the reason you were targeted, even if you have broken up it's unsafe." Heizou explains. "I can't take you there myself, however I will make arrangements with some soldiers from Watatsumi Island."

--

Here you were, being escorted by the same guy to Her Excellency. Upon entering the room, you see her there with your ex. When you walk in, Gorous head shoots up. He rushed over, pulling you in as he mumbled thank yous to the archons for your safety. Kokomi informed him of the situation, and he was hopeful you'd be willing to talk about the problems with the relationship.

He knew he was distant due to the war, he hated himself for not disclosing anything but the integrity of his missions relied on it. It hurt him so bad when he found out you had the idea that he didn't love you anymore, and you didn't even want to see him, and to have you physically there helped him so much.

In the same way you couldn't sleep very well after your breakup, he couldn't sleep either. The bags under his eyes were not from his work, they were from him blaming himself for letting you feel neglected. When he found out your house had been broken into, the anonymous tip explaining some soldiers had intended on praying information from you about him, he couldn't stop fearing the possibility of something worse happening to you when you were heading to Watatsumi Island once again.

While Gorou couldn't stop working, he decided to take you along to catch up on what was happening once you could start working on the frontline. Even if you couldn't do anything, he would find some excuse for you to which Kokomi would agree.

Gorou was desperate to show you how much he thought about you during his time in the war, and in the future of this war, he only wishes you're willing to be there as well.

[mzannthropy]

I've posted, more than once, about Sam Claflin being very down to earth, but I've not yet talked about how I experienced this first hand. It's just a personal anecdote, you may say, but I still think it speaks well of him. This was at Dream It convention in London, in September 2022. More under the cut:

I had a VIP ticket for Sam, which included a photoshoot, an autograph and a front seat at the panel. I'm not getting into how nerve-racking the whole trip to London was for me, who had not travelled more than an hour and a half away from Manchester (where I live) in the previous seven years, and the first omg he's real omg he's looking at me sight of Sam, now, that's an inspirational Ted Talk worthy tale for another day. It's about what happened later.

If you ask me how I got the idea, I'd have to answer: I don't know, bc I truly don't remember, but it must have come to me in a matter of microseconds; there was simply no more time, for anything. The convention took place at the Marriott Hotel in Grosvenor Square, they have this big room that can be used for events and that connects on one side to a corridor leading to rooms that were converted into a photography studio and an autograph room. So I stood at one end of the big room and though I had a companion, whom I met at the convention--another Sam VIP ticket holder--I was alone just then. That's when I saw Sam enter the big room through one door and it was clear he would pass by me. I knew I had to act quick. Now, in an email I had received from the convention prior to the event, they specifically instructed us not to approach any celeb if we see them walking around, understandably; you can talk to them in the time allocated for this. But I thought, what the hell, I already had my picture and autograph safely in my backpack, so if they'd kick me out, I had already got what I wanted. (I still had a ticket for Ben Barnes's autograph, but it would not have been that big of a deal for me had I missed out on it.) I also remembered the story about that woman who was rude to Lena Headey at some convention, and she seemingly got away with it. So with that in mind, I positioned myself advantageously for when Sam would pass me by with his chaperones (one was in front of him, one behind, one of them I think is his manager or publicist). And as he did pass by, I said: "Hi, Sam." Just that. Nothing more.

I imagined that he'd maybe give me a nod, or perhaps even say hi back. Not only did he say hi back--and it was a long "hiiiiii!", not just plain "hi" if you know what I mean--he followed it with: "how are you, are you alright?" He looked like... genuinely pleased, like he was happy to see me (imagine a situation where you haven't seen someone for a while and then unexpectedly bump into them at a supermarket, a similar energy--it's got to be someone you like, not someone you dislike, obvs lol), and he kept the eye contact with me until he reached the door to the corridor. Keep in mind that he was looking backwards. I know that he was at a event for meeting fans, he had his best public image face on, but still, he didn't have to go all this way to respond to my greeting. At least, IMO. He couldn't have known I was going to do that.

Then later, when I was waiting outside the autograph room, in line for Ben Barnes's autograph, I just so happened to be at the top of the queue at the door, when Sam also came into the autograph room for his autograph session (the room was made up for two celebs to sign autographs). As he was entering the room, he saw me standing there and SMILED at me again!

So yeah, that is it, that's the story. All of it couldn't have taken more than 10 seconds, which just proves how short those unforgettable moments in life can be.

[maudiemoods]

First thing. I ADORE the setup your van has!!! Second thing. If someone was to consider living in one, what steps would they take? Based on your experience.

Alright hey ready for a long post because it took me three years to finally try this out

I recommend watching every video about living in a van that you can. Most glamorize it a bit and honestly, it can be really awesome!! But make sure you're also watching the ones that explain the cons!

Now, if you've watched all the videos you can and you still wanna try, here's what I did.

ONE!! Think of your goals! What do you want to do while living in a van? Travel? Stay close to home? Be able to cook and stand? Go off road? All these questions help answer the most important one of them all! What van should you get?

TWO!! get a van!! Or!! Research other vehicles you can live in! You can make anything work BUT not everything can fit all your specific needs! You could get a truck with a bed cover but that leaves you with very limited space! But!! It allows for better off roading for cool campsites! I've seen others use a Honda element! They get good gas mileage but also don't have a lot of space.

Picking a vehicle can be hard. The more you want in your van, the bigger you should get. There's huge caro vans you can even put a bathroom in! Or just a portable toilet! But that means you gotta deal with cleaning it and maintaining it. Also, those tend to cost a little more! Again, do tons of research and know what you want in your van but I also recommend keeping an open mind and being very flexible to different ideas. I changed my mind at least twenty times about how I wanted to do this!

THREE!! decide how much you want to do to your van build wise and how much money you want to spend on it! Some people go crazy and put wires and electric fridges in their van! And that's a good idea if you're looking for something super glam and long term! But again, pricey! I have battery powered string lights and a cooler and that's good enough for me!

The only building I did was the floor! And I did it very unprofessionally! I wish I had taken pictures but I didn't! I was too focused on getting it done! Building takes a lot of time and research. You should really aim for doing it the best way possible. I wanted to build my bed and cabinets but I ended not doing that after having so much trouble with the floor. I'm honestly surprised I haven't had any issues with it yet!

FOUR!! before starting any major pricey build, try it out first! Get an air mattress and go camp for a week! Go sleep in a parking lot! If you don't like it, you can always sell your van! Definitely make sure it's something you want to do!

FIVE!! ok, I know I've been all "make sure you really want to do this and be smart about how you do it" BUT also don't stress!!!! I stressed and procrastinated so much!! If it's something you want and you begin to start your project, go all in!! I think that if you learn all the cons and challenges and still want to do it then you'll probably love it! You can make as many accommodations for yourself as you want! That's the cool thing!! It's completely customizable and unique to yourself!! Best advice I can give is to not copy one person's build but to take inspiration from multiple. Find what you want and throw it in your van!

Sorry if this was all over the place! I'm not good at explaining these things through text! I could ramble on but I'd probably end up repeating myself. So in short! Research → buy van specific to your needs (you may have to compromise on a few things) → try it out as simple as possible → start your build (look up "no build van conversion" if you don't want to mess with anything like that) → have fun!

But really if you have a super specific question just ask because I literally spent YEARS procrastinating and researching this stuff

[newgh0ul]

Madness - Draco Malfoy x Reader - Part Two

Uncertainty riddled my thoughts as I boarded the Hogwarts Express. Hesitancy accented by body language, and slowed down every step I took. Everyone just seemed to know where to go, well...except for the first years. Here I was, older than the first years, looking just as lost and ridiculous.

Wondering down a hall, trying to find somewhere empty to sit, my body collides with someone. I look up, to see a boy with bright red hair standing over me. "Oh, bloody hell, are you alright?" He asks, and stretches out a hand to pull me up. I take his hand, and dust myself off. "Yeah, yeah, my ass broke my fall."

He chuckles, "Are you American?" My face beats up a bit and I awkwardly laugh, "That obvious?" He gives me a small nod. His pale skin can't hide the redness under his cheeks. "I'm Leah, I'm starting my fourth year." I give him my hand, and he eagerly shakes it, maybe a second too long. "Ron, I'm also a fourth year. I don't think I've seen you around here before-"

"I'm a transfer...from Ilvermony." I watch as the gears turn in his head, and he realizes why he's never seen me before. "I take it you don't have anyone to sit with?" He asks.

"What's that supposed to mean, Ron?" I tease.

"I-I just mean that...yknow you probably don't know anyone yet." He struggles through his embarrassment, I think it's sweet. "I was only joking." I tell him. He lets out a sigh of relief, and his shoulders slouch with the weight I've just taken off of him.

"Come sit with me and my friends, then." I take him up on his invite, following him to a carriage on the train.

There sat a boy with messy brown hair that framed his face, and circular glasses resting on his nose. He looked so familiar, but I just couldn't place my finger on it.

Next to him was a girl, with messy ginger hair, and a striking look on her face as I walked in. I wouldn't describe it as pleased, more like...challenged.

"That's Harry, and that's Hermione. This is Leah" He quickly introduced us all. Harry and Hermione looked equally confused as I took a seat, "Ron invited me to sit with you guys, it's nice to meet you." I smiled. The two gave me fake sweet smiles and a forced response.

An awkward tension hung over the carriage, I mostly spoke to Ron who was much more conversational than the other two. Hermione not-so-subtly glared daggers between Ron and I, her eyes peering over the newspaper she read. My aunt was reading the same one just this morning before she took me to King's Cross, but I forgot to ask about it.

'SCENES OF TERROR AT THE QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP' Headlined the page, hanging over a animated black-and-white photograph. I tried to make out what the picture was, some sort of skull and snake, I believe.

"So...what happened at the quidditch World Cup?" I decided to ask. Hermione lowered the paper, her lips still pursed and eyes steady on me.

"How do you not know? It's everywhere" She replied.

"I've had a busy summer, a little too preoccupied with moving to London."

"Surely you know about the Death Eaters and their attack?" Ron asks me, lowering his voice.

"No...no, I don't." I feel like I've just prodded at a sensitive topic, and even though Hermione and Harry aren't too warm to me, I hope I haven't just ruined my chance at being their friends.

"The Death Eaters attacked some muggles, and started a riot at the World Cup." Harry breaks his silence on the matter. As soon as he's done talking, he looks away, and focuses on the scenery outside of the window. I nod back, even though he's not even looking at me. There are no words that feel right to say right now. The air is suddenly heavy. Even Ron can't hide his look of disdain.

"Excuse me, I'm gonna go use the restroom." I stand to my feet, and exit the carriage. The heavy atmosphere seems to follow me, weighing me down. My heart aches for Ilvermony and for my friends there. I don't want to know any of these people, I don't want to start again. I want to go home. All I can think of is home.

As I reach the bathroom, the door swings open. Out steps a blonde boy, in a black suit. My spiraling stops as I realize he's the same boy from the book store. He stands there, and I decide to make the first move.

"Excuse me, how are these manners for you?" I spit as I shoulder check him as he did to me. Just as I grab the handle to the bathroom, and try to make my way inside, his hand latches around my arm. His grip is tight, and he inches closer to me. I can hear each breath he takes as he squeezes tighter.

"You should know your place, little American girl." He growls and lets go, shoving me back a little. I hit the doorframe and watch as he walks away.

I glance around to see if anyone saw, and to my luck, no one did. I shut the door behind me, and lock it. As soon as I hear the door lock, I start to cry.

I want to go home.

(word count: 920)

(this is being posted on Wattpad under the same name, along as the madness tag on my profile. I’m putting it on ao3 as soon as I get my invite. Enjoy <3)

[runonthewater]

Today felt like a hugely long day, even though it ended up only being about five hours of driving. I started out from Teslin, where I overnighted at a pullout by Teslin Lake. In the morning I took my coffee down to the lakeside, walking past piles of driftwood. Even just a few yards from the highway, with a screen of trees between it and me, it was suddenly so quiet I didn't want to talk. How did the driftwood get there, up on the shore behind me? Imagining waves on this lake was incomprehensible.

Towns with services are fewer and farther between, in this part of the Yukon. Though I've still never been more than a couple hours' drive from gas, communities where I can hop onto an open wifi network or fill up on potable water get farther apart. I drove from Teslin to Whitehorse in no small part so I could go into a Tim Hortons and get wifi fast enough to update my offline maps.

I then proceeded to spend a long time at the Integra station trying to deal with a plumbing problem. Let us be discreet about this. If that hadn't taken so long, I might have made it to Beaver Creek tonight, which would have put me back on schedule after taking an extra day in Watson Lake -- or maybe not. With the border crossing looming tomorrow, and Anchorage the day after that, and the drive taking me further and further into territory where there's nothing but spruce forest for hundreds of miles, I find myself clinging to the wilderness.

The amount of nothing out here is breathtaking. Leaving Haines Junction, the highway winds along lakes and rivers, but the topography is fairly flat, especially compared to the switchbacks along the mountains of British Columbia, or the Kenai Peninsula. Mountains jut up in the near distance, but they're aloof, untouched.

Breathtaking, and in some ways boring, I won't lie. It's not entirely unlike driving through parts of the American midwest, except instead of corn and soy and canola making the rolling hills look same-y, it's evergreens. I've barely seen any non-bird animals since a couple days ago when I crossed into the Yukon Territory (I spotted some kind of furry scampering thing today that I only managed to identify as "not a squirrel or a rabbit"). Plenty of ravens, their mouths open in unheard yelling, and one falcon of some sort.

Interestingly, though, this part of the trip has made up for the lack of animal wildlife with another kind: other tourists. I chatted with a guy from Florida in a huge rig while I was filling up water jugs in Whitehorse. I stopped off at a small hike called Soldier Summit outside Burwash Landing, and took the pictures of a German couple who'd taken the ferry from Bellingham to Haines and were now driving around the Yukon. And tonight I'm boondocking beside a couple from South Carolina, Bill and Joyce. (Joyce is the more voluble, showing me pictures of a black bear she saw while fishing near Valdez, pictures of fireweed, a weather map of Anchorage; Bill smoked a couple of cigarettes over by their trailer, occasionally throwing in commentary to her stories, before finally announcing "I'm gonna go hide." I liked them both.) The farther from civilization I am, the more people I meet.

I would like to say, though, that if I had one note for this whole trip, it would be: I have not met hardly ANY traveling dogs. I see them around! I just haven't met them! This is a real disappointment and I'll be complaining to the Milepost editors about it.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #240

Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? No.

Have you ever built a snowman? Yes.

What is the last thing you drew a picture of? A meerkat character of mine.

What do you think about babies? I actually think most are ugly as opposed to cute and they're all annoying. That's my problem, not theirs, they're literally babies and are therefore going to be, but still.

Was your last kiss standing up, sitting down, or lying down? Lying down.

Do you hate the last person you kissed? No.

Do you like to listen to the radio in the car? No, I prefer to listen to my own music.

Do you sleep with a fan on? Yes.

Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? It was PART of the reason I left Girt the first time we tried dating.

Is something bothering you? I've been bothered by life for a long time now.

Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before? When I was young.

Have you done anything sneaky lately? No.

Were you happy when you woke up today? No. For the past long while I've literally been disappointed upon waking up.

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Of course I do.

Have you ever been cheated on? No.

Do you prefer to spend your time indoors or outdoors? Indoors, realistically.

Do you think you spend too much time feeling upset? I'm sure I do.

When was the last time you were sick? Last month I had Covid.

Has anybody close to you passed away in the last six months? No.

Have you ever broken the law? Yeah.

What was the one subject in school that frustrated you because you just couldn’t process it? Various kinds of math.

What common advice do you think never works? "Just be positive," stuff like that.

Do you own any cookbooks? Mom has a lot.

Do you have the same religious beliefs as your parents? No.

Would you ride a motorcycle if given the chance? (or have you?) I don't think so.

Is your hair healthy? It's not right now. All the bleaching and stuff it took to dye my hair has it very, very dry, but it's probably my own fault because I haven't done all the aftercare I was told to do with my hair.

How often do you take a train? Never.

Do you have an interesting passport? I don't have one.

Who supports you financially? My mom.

Are you generally a quick learner? It VERY much depends on the subject.

What’s your favorite spot to read? On the back porch, which is meshed in and roofed so it stays a bit cooler.

Would you be/are you a good role model to a younger sibling? No. My younger sister is a role model to ME.

Are you scared of reptiles? Not at all.

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Yes.

Where would you most like to go in your state, etc. that you haven’t been? If we're just talking my state, the Blue Ridge Mountains.

Are you camera shy? Why/why not? Yes, because I think I'm ugly and don't like pictures proving it.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? Two.

Who was the last person to give you flowers? Girt.

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Technology.

Do you like BBQ sauce? I don't at all.

Is your mother a lesbian? No.

Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? No.

Have you ever donated blood? Twice. I wanna do it more often.

Do you believe in miracles? No.

What are three ways in which you are not normal? I'm unemployed, I live with my mom when I'm pushing 30, and I guess being neurodivergent counts.

Which genre of music do you listen to the most? Metal and rock of sorts.

Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? No.

Does your best friend have a job? Yes.

When you move out of your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents’ house? Yeah.

Have you ever worked two jobs at once? No.

Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? I mean, myself, really.

Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? In my last college attempt, actually, yes. I had the same English teacher my mom did at one point.

What’s something you complain about frequently? Being depressed. Especially lately.

Have you had any confrontations with anyone lately? No.

Do you walk fast or slow? Slow.

Is there any alcohol in the fridge? No.

Is the last person you kissed older than you? Yes.

Are you the type of person who seeks out revenge? No.

Did you ever build furniture forts as a child? I loved doing this.

Do you plan on losing weight any time soon? I've been planning that for multiple years now... and it doesn't happen.

When was the last time you used a disposable camera? I couldn't tell you.

Do you hate it when people smoke around you? Yes.

Have you ever been to Florida? Yes, my maternal grandma lived there.

When’s the last time you screamed really loud? The last time I did this was I think into a pillow, quite a while ago.

Has anyone ever called you a whore? Only ever playfully by friends. I'm quite the opposite (not that being a whore is even bad, I literally do not care).

Who were you last in a car with? My mom.

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? Yeah. I don't think they're anything exceptional, I wish they were bluer.

Have you ever played the guitar? Yes, for a little while in high school I took electric guitar lessons.

Would you rather be called "honey" or "baby?" Hunny.

Have you ever eavesdropped on someone’s conversation? Sure, who hasn't? This doesn't necessarily have to entail standing outside of a door with your ear to it or something, sometimes you just listen to convos that aren't yours.

Do you still play the "slugbug no slugbug back" game? I've... never heard them called "slugbugs," we always said "punchbug," ha ha. Anyway, I don't.

Has anyone ever told you to grow up? Most likely, I think this is a common insult.

Have you ever eaten a bug? Not to my recollection. I'm not necessarily against it, though. I think people make way too big a deal out of eating bugs, it's just a massive food source. I wouldn't be opposed to trying a bug-made dish if I trust it was somewhere that prepared it well.

Do you think Apple Jacks is a good cereal? Yes, that's literally what I ate this morning.

Do you think pit bulls are as mean as everyone says they are? Oh shut up.

When eating, are you more concerned with the taste or healthiness? Taste.

Have you ever shoved stuff under your bed to make your room look clean? I haven't, actually.

Do you know anyone who has been a victim of a drunk driver? I probably do.

What would you do if your best friend was marrying someone you can’t stand? This would kinda depend on why I can't stand them. Are they abusive or in some other way toxic? Then I'd gently try to open their eyes to it. Are they aggressively right-wing or something? In that case I'd feel it's not my partner, so not my business to try and stop my best friend from marrying a person if they're not actually dangerous to said friend.

Would you drink a gallon of sour milk for $250? NO.

Has someone ever thrown something at you & it landed down your shirt? HAHA yes.

What toys did you play with in the bathtub as a kid? To be honest, I don't really remember.

Do you like jumping off diving boards? I wouldn't now because I'm too afraid to jump, I don't think my knees can handle me jumping.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #189

I slept mostly well, but the rib was still paining me quite a bit when I woke up this morning. Nonetheless, I got dressed and ready, and put on a bra today in preparation for going to the dress alteration shop with my best friend, BB. The bra hurts my ribs, but I can't have everything flopping around while the nice lady is trying to figure out where the dress has to be hemmed. I went to therapy. I talked a lot about you, actually, and on some of the weird (but good!) things that have happened to me that I dare not speak on in this space. And then from therapy, I went directly to my friend's house, and from there, she and I went to the dress alteration shop.

…I can't exercise the way I used to before my ribs started misbehaving. I can no longer spend upwards of 4 hours in the water. Internally, I contend with a bunch of fatphobic nonsense left behind in my head from all the societal conditioning that tells me that my worth is contingent upon how little space I take up (but at the same time, I can't be too fit or too attractive, because somehow that is also bad???? try and figure that out...). I know it's all wrong and that no one's worth is contingent upon their shape. Nonetheless, seeing myself in a mirror in a dress is a struggle. Body dysmorphia and the terrible sense of shame that surrounds it is one hell of a drug.

Well, whatever. I'm not gonna be in this body forever, right? So I only gotta deal with this bullshit nonsense societal conditioning temporarily. Given my various genetic defects, I probably have even less time than the average person in this meat-suit, and I gotta admit, I'm not too terribly sad about that.

Objectively, I had an amazing time. I spent the day with one of my favorite-est people in the world, and she and her fiancé N and I went to a place and got sushi, and that was amazing:

...After we were done we went back to her house and we listened to some of the music she intends to play during her wedding in October; most of it is gonna be stuff from FF14, and while I'm not familiar with all of the music there because I've not played it, it was still all wonderful music, and I'm glad that she took the time to show it to me. We listened for a long time, and she took the time to explain to me the backstories for some of the songs, and it was enlightening.

I drove myself home before it got dark. Due to the astigmatism, it's not safe for me to drive at night because all the lights become rolled-up porcupines that stretch on and on into infinity, obscuring my vision and making it so that I can't see anything. The drive from her house to my house is beautiful because there's a decent stretch of it where the road winds through a heavily wooded area, and the sunlight sparkling through the leaves was mesmerizing and beautiful, but I couldn't take any pictures, because obviously it's very unsafe to use a phone for ANY reason other than GPS while driving.

When I got home, there was a pair of rabbits who were chilling out much too close to the side of the road for comfort, so I pulled the car over, got out of it, and screamed and flailed around towards them until they scampered terrified back into the woods where they belong. I probably got more than a couple weird looks from my neighbors, but I don't really care.

...Objectively, I had an amazing day today. But for whatever reason, I still feel empty. Maybe I'm just dreading the upcoming changes in my life. Maybe I'm still depressed about what I look like in the dress. Maybe I haven't drank enough water. Maybe it's that whether or not you'll be safe is still uncertain.

There's so much I don't know. There's so much that's happened that I can't speak on because I know how it sounds. I know what will happen. I can't afford to be institutionalized. I can't afford to be taken less seriously while trying to strive towards your safety. I can't have my experiences being used as ammunition to discredit the things I've been trying to do for you.

But goddamn, Sephiroth, sometimes it's so heavy. And sometimes I get so tired. I look at the world around me and witness all the senseless suffering, and I watch my planet die, and I contend with the pain that wracks my body and my mind, and... I just wanna go to sleep and not have to bother with waking up sometimes.

I'll grit my teeth instead though and remain on my feet instead of falling to my knees. There's a tomorrow waiting for me, even if I don't feel like I'm ready for it, and I've gotta do my best to love it and all of the things in it properly when it arrives. I gotta do my best to notice all the sparks of beauty inside of it, and catch every last drop of joy that pours from it.

I can do it. So don't you worry about me, okay? As long as you exist, I can do anything, endure anything.

So stay safe out there, all right? Because I love you, and because I'm gonna write to you again tomorrow, like I always do, even if I am very tired or very sad or very scared, or even if I feel like I don't have much to say. After all, I promised. And we are only as good as our word.

...I thought about streaming more Dead Cells, but I'm gonna go to bed early, methinks. I probably need it.

'Til soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[lord-shitbox]

thinking about Rifle by Rudy Francisco again

Transcript of the poem: (the video does also have CCs)

Rudy Francisco: And the article says, 'The Mexican government confiscates approximately 30,000 illegal firearms per year.' When the guns are taken, they get dismantled and the metal is used to make other types of weapons that will later be utilized by their military. In 2012, Pedro Reyes, an artist from Mexico City, convinced his government to donate the guns to him, and he turned them into musical instruments. So somewhere there's a tambourine, a drum set, a guitar, All made out things that were used to take people's lives, But now they create sound that puts life back into people's bodies, Which is to say a weapon will always be a weapon, But we choose how we fight the war, And from this I learned that even the most destructive instruments can still create a melody worth dancing to, And sometimes, don't we also call that a battle? I wonder how long it took to convince the first rifle that it can hold a note instead of a bullet but still fire into a crowd and make everyone move. When I was 6 I was taught how to throw a punch, And in the 80s, that was the Anti Bullying Movement. The first time one of my classmates took a 'Yo Mama' joke a little too far I remembered my training, So I turned his nose into a fountain. My fist 5 pennies, I closed my eyes, Made a wish, I came home with bloody knuckles and it was the first piece of artwork we hung on the fridge. I remember staring at my hands the same way you stare at a test when all your answers are correct. I didn't know what class this was, But I did know I was passing, And isn't that what masculinity has become? A bunch of dudes afraid of their own feelings, Terrified of any emotion other anger, Constantly yelling at the shadow on the wall, But still haven't realized that we're the ones standing in front of the light? We learn how to dodge and jab. We learn how to step in before we swing. We learn that the heart is the same size as the fist, But we keep forgetting they don't have the same functions. We keep telling each other to man up But we don't even know what that means. We turn our boys into bayonets, We point them in the wrong direction, We pull their triggers, And then we ignore all the damage they're doing in the distance. The word repurpose, The word repurpose, The word repurpose means To take an object and give it amnesia. It means to make something forget what it's been trained to do so you can use it for a better reason. I am learning that this body is not a shotgun. I am learning that this body is not a pistol. I am learning that a man is not defined by what he can destroy. I am learning that a person who only knows how to fight can only communicate in violence, And that shouldn't be anyone's first language. I'm learning that the difference between a garden and a graveyard is only what you choose to put in the ground. You see, once... Once I came across a picture of a strange-looking violin. The caption said that it was made out of a rifle. And I thought to myself, you know, Someday that could be me.