official-macklemore

[official-macklemore]

soulmates au color thingy

I threw my head back in drunken laughter, the blacks and whites of the city flashing before my dizzy eyes. “Let’s go to another bar! The night’s still young!”

Jerome shifted awkwardly. He had only had a couple drinks the entire night. Boooooring! “I have work tomorrow. We’ve already been to three bars. Can’t we just go back to the apartment?”

“You always have work tomorrow.” Casey chimed in. “Marie is right, let’s go to another bar! Jessie just texted me and apparently Dixon Line is blowing the fuck up!”

“Isn’t that a gay bar?”

“You can sit outside, Jerome.” Margo deadpanned from the back of the group.

“I wanna find my soulmate tonight.” I whispered deliriously. “And I wanna have sex. Wild sex.”

Jerome stopped walking without warning. “Are you two really gonna let her keep going? She’s so drunk she’s talking about finding her soulmate. Can’t we just go home?”

“She just had the toughest breakup of her life, Jerome! Let the girl live!”

Jerome was exasperated. “Margo, say something!”

“Casey’s right. Let Marie get drunk.”

I whooped in glee and tripped a bit on my heels before righting myself again. “I love you Margooo!”

“…Thanks.”

I bobbed my head to a song that only I could hear, something that’d been stuck in my head all night. I did little twirls on the sidewalk, fascinated by the way my own shoes caught the lights. They were covered in fake diamonds. And my legs were covered in body glitter. And my dress had to sparkly too, duh. I was like a walking disco ball. I wanted every eye to land on me in every bar we walked in to.

“Earth to Marie? Dixon Line is this way.” Casey had to physically grab me to get me to stop twirling, and even then I almost fell down.

“Don’t do that, I’ll puke!” I giggled.

“Maybe she should wait outside with me.” Jerome mumbled.

“Don’t be a dick! She’s gonna meet her soulmate, remember?”

“I should really just walk home.”

“Have fun.” Margo retorted.

Jerome opened his mouth like he was going to say something witty, but he came up with nothing. Instead, he really did just turn and leave, hailing a cab to go home.

“What a dumbass. He should’ve taken the subway. He hailed a cab just to be dramatic.” Casey snorted

“Girl’s night!” I borderline yelled. “It’s a girl’s night now!”

Margo smiled her approval. “Girl’s night.”

Casey laughed. “Wow! When’s the last time we had a girl’s night?”

“When Jerome got sick last week.”

I gasped. “Wow! It’s been so long! We have to have enough fun to last us another week!”

Casey was looking at her phone. “Guys, let’s walk faster, Dixon Line just keeps getting more packed! Jessie says she’s packed between like four girls!”

Margo’s breath hitched. “I wanna be packed between four girls.”

I was much less subtle about the situation. “I WANNA BE PACKED BETWEEN FOUR GIRLS! AND THEN I WANT ALL OF ‘EM TO RAIL ME!”

Casey started laughing hysterically. “Marie, sh-shut the fuck up!” She was laughing so hard she could barely talk. “We’re in public! Someone’s gonna kick your ass, dumbass!”

“I wanna get FUUUUCKED!”

Even Margo let out a giggle at my caterwauls.

After what felt like hours of walking on my tired and very, very drunken legs, we arrived at Dixon Line. Sure enough, the place was crowded wall to wall. I barely even had space to breathe, and I was living for it. Every time I happened to make eye contact with Margo or Casey while I was pushed up against a cute girl, I would make an exaggerated expression of shock and point at her like I was the luckiest girl on the planet.

And then, because I’m a fucking idiot, I started taking more shots. It’s a miracle I didn’t die of alcohol poisoning that night. I downed drink after drink until I couldn’t even remember where I was, or who I was, and especially not my ex’s name.

And I danced. I danced until my feet felt like they were rotting off.

And then I started puking. I ran into the bathroom, which was also cramped, and rushed into a stall. And I started puking my guts out. I didn’t see if there was a line; I didn’t give a fuck, frankly. I just started vomiting with reckless abandon.

This went on for around five minute of continuous upchuck until I finally breathed. My sides hurt, tears were coming out of my eyes, and it felt like I was fucking dying. And then I stared puking some more.

Suddenly, I found myself in the presence of an angel. Some girl walked into the bathroom, heard the violent vomiting, and immediately rushed to find the source. And she came into my stall.

“Oh my gosh, honey!” She had a southern accent of some kind. It was really sweet. I wanted to melt into it. Then she grabbed my hair and pulled it back for me, and I wanted to melt into her. “There there, you’re gonna be okay, baby. It’ll pass.”

She started rubbing my back. And I almost choked on my own vomit. Because suddenly, when I opened my eyes, I wasn’t where I thought I was. Well, I was in the same place, but it was different. I could see things I hadn’t seen before. Everything was vibrant. When she put her hand on me, something had snapped. And now this… this hidden world was blooming before my eyes.

Color, something in the back of my mind whispered, you’re seeing in color.

As my vomiting slowed, she stood up. I yelped as the contact was lost, and I was plunged back into black and white. I stood up so fast I saw stars, so I had to grab the bathroom walls to steady myself. And I turned around, and saw her, looking very scared.

She was beautiful. Amazing. The cutest girl I’d ever seen. She had light hair, fluffy and wavy, down to her shoulders, with straight bangs. She was wearing a darker-ish dress with mid-length sleeves that went to her mid thighs with a choker of the same fabric. It looked like a big t-shirt, but as a super stylish dress. And she was wearing these glamorous jelly sandal heels. And she had freckles. Freckles. And she was half a head shorter than me. I thought I was gonna faint.

But then I remembered what was even going on, and seeing the colors, and why I had stood up in the first place. When you see something like that, a whole new world before your eyes, and it’s ripped from you, you’re instantly addicted to it. I wanted to see the whole world that way, not just a toilet in a gay bar and my own vomit.

All of these thoughts had gone through my brain in a matter of seconds. She was still standing there, looking confused.

I tenderly brought my hand to her shoulder, and I gasped as color seeped into my vision once again. This felt safe somehow. Safer than I’d ever felt before. I looked deep into her eyes. And I can’t explain what color they were, but they were beautiful. And seeing her in color? Jesus. This was seriously gonna be how I died.

“Are you alright, sugar?”

I blinked. How was she not freaking out? Did she have another soulmate or something? No, that’s not how it works, meaning that this had to be her first time seeing in color. So how could she be so relaxed? “Um… yeah�� I’m alright now…”

She smiled, and a piece of my heart ascended directly to heaven. “Well, uh, if you don’t mind, I’ve actually really gotta use the restroom.”

I didn’t want to let go. I couldn’t. So I kept my hand on her shoulder, looking like a dumbass, as I said “Oh, sorry.”

And we stood there for another moment, silent. She finally pulled away, and I was crushed as I blinked and the world became black and white once more. She stepped out of the stall and into another, locking the door behind her.

I didn’t know what to do. First, I flushed my puke, because I’m not the kind of nasty fucker who leaves that shit for somebody else to deal with. Then, I walked over to the sinks and washed my hands. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was probably going to have an aneurysm when I saw myself in color, but I tried not to think about it. I tried to remember all the colors I’d seen. I didn’t have names for them, but I didn’t need names in a strange sort of way. I was happy just to experience them.

By the time she was done, I was still standing there, trying to decide whether I should wait for her or go. Looks like the decision had been made for me.

She didn’t look creeped out that I was waiting for her, which was a big relief for me. I immediately got the urge to touch her, to see that world again, but I fought it. “Thank you for your help.” My voice was hoarse from vomiting my entire stomach up, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“Anytime, honey.”

I smiled, feeling happy to be called honey even though I could already tell that she said it to everyone. “I’m Marie.”

“I’m Eleanor! But Ellie works. Or El. Whatever floats your boat.”

Oh, you float my boat alright.

I stopped myself from saying that out loud, thank God, but what actually came out of my mouth wasn’t a lot more intelligent. “You’re really pretty.”

I guess God takes pity on me or something, because instead of being weirded out, she laughs. Her laugh is like a bell. It doesn’t sound like a bell, but it feels like a bell, ya dig? When I hear her laugh I get the same feeling I get when I hear a bell ring. I’m kinda addicted to it already.

“You don’t look too bad yourself.”

If my life was a cartoon, this is the part where the heart eyes would pop outta my head. “Can we dance?”

She laughs again. “You’re pretty forward.”

I grin. “I’m pretty drunk. And you’re just plain pretty.”

“I’m just plain?” She raises an eyebrow.

“That’s not what that was supposed to say. Mean, I mean. That’s not what I meant to say is what I’m trying to say.” I stutter.

She looks me up and down, and my skin crawls in a good way. An exciting way. “I guess I could save you a dance, if you promise not to puke on me.”

All I can do is nod. She pushes a piece of hair behind her ear, and I see that her earrings are big hearts. They look like gelatin.

Somehow, she leads me out of the bathroom. I suddenly remember how crowded this room is, and the two of us have to squeeze together to get through the crowd. And squeezing together means that we’re touching. And my world blinks into color for the third time in my life. I’m overwhelmed. I’ve been to that bar so many times, but now it felt like an alternate universe. I could see everyone in shades I couldn’t have even imagined before. I wanted to stare at strangers not because they were beautiful, but because they were beautiful colors. Every time I saw a hew I hadn’t seen yet, it entranced me. But the crowd pushed us along, so I never got to dwell on the color of someone’s hair or dress or tie.

Eventually, we were able to carve out our own little spot on the dance floor. Suddenly, my hands were on her waist, and everything else faded away. I felt like a dumbass for wearing all these sparkles; I wanted everybody to be looking at her, not me.

We swayed to the music, and my eyes never left hers. I decided that those eyes were my favorite color. The song changed over and over, but we just kept going. Sometimes we were spinning and stepping in time, sometimes we were jumping with our hands in the air, and sometimes her head was against my chest as we swayed. Our bodies never stopped touching—I wouldn’t let them—and I felt like I was on a different planet. No, not on a different planet, in a whole other universe.

We didn’t talk the whole time. We didn’t have to. We said what we had to say with our eyes, with our hands. And it’s a stupid thing to say, but I was already falling for her. I wasn’t trying to, but she was alluring in a way I couldn’t pinpoint. I couldn’t stop touching her and staring at her and smiling… I wanted the night to last forever.

But it couldn’t. People started to trickle out, and my feet started hurting so bad that even Ellie couldn’t distract me from the dull ache. She helped guide me to a seat on the side where I immediately ripped my heels off. We sat there for a while in silence, her arm still around my waist from where she’d helped me get off the dance floor. She leaned against me, and I hummed along to the song and played with El’s hair, and everything was perfect.

Casey found me like that. With a shit-eating grin, she stepped directly in front of me and leaned down “And who’s this?”

I grinned back, unphased. “Ellie.” Ellie gave a small wave and buried her head in my shoulder. “We’re both kinda tired.” I confessed.

Margo materialized out of the crowd. “It’s four AM.”

Casey groaned. “Ugh, I’m gonna be so fucking hungover tomorrow.”

I was tempted to shush them. They were disturbing the peace of my moment with Ellie. “Then you two should probably go home.”

Margo looked confused. Casey cleared her throat. “Um… Aren’t you coming with?”

I shook my head. “I’ll take the subway home later. You two should get out of here.”

Casey didn’t look convinced. “You’re drunk and you’re dressed like a bottle of glitter glue, is it safe for you to be taking the subway home alone at four AM?”

Margo tugged Casey’s sleeve. “She isn’t going to be alone.”

Casey looked back and forth between Ellie and I and her face lit up, as if she had just understood something vital. “Ahhh, okay! Well, I guess we better head out then, Margo!” Casey winked as she grandiosely turned and made her way to the exit. Margo gave a meek wave and followed.

Ellie lifted her head a bit. “Thank God. I thought they were never gonna leave.”

I giggled in reply.

Ellie sighed. “They’re right, it’s late, I should get home soon.”

She was still leaning against me, so she couldn’t see my face, but she must have sensed the sad expression I made. “We’ll see eachother again. Get out your phone and I’ll give you my number.”

I handed her my phone way too eagerly, cheesing so hard my cheeks hurt.

She opened a new contact and named herself Eleanor with a heart emoji. I realized suddenly that everything had colors. Even things on my phone were colorful. My phone itself had a color. Emojis had colors. “That heart icon is a cute color.” I whispered.

Ellie looked up at me in confusion. “What? It’s just grey, like everything else.”

And with that, my heart was crushed. Utterly crushed. She’d just stepped on my heart and she didn’t even know it. I didn’t say anything, and she didn’t magically figure out that I was unhappy.

She leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, still smiling. She didn’t even know this night was the most magical one of my life. She thought I was just another girl… I was just another girl to her. But she was… She was my fucking soulmate! And she had no clue!

She got up and waved goodbye. The color left my vision, and I instinctively reached out to her, wanting the color back. The color she didn’t even see.

“We’re gonna see each other again.” She whispered it like a prophecy.

I could barely even muster up the strength to smile back at her as she pushed through the crowds, out of my sight.

And then I started crying. Silently, slowly, tears streamed down my face. I didn’t even care that my mascara wasn’t waterproof. I sat there and let the tears come.

And then I took the subway home. Everything felt surreal all of a sudden. It was the same train as always, but now I knew it had the potential to be completely different. Completely colorful.

I clicked the door to my apartment closed and checked the time. 5:22 AM. Jerome would be waking up for work in a couple of hours. I sent Ellie a quick text, numb, just telling her that it was me so she could save my number.

As I walked back to my room, I was stopped in my tracks by a voice in the living room. “Welcome home, Marie.”

It was Margo, drinking hot chocolate on the couch, her corn rows pulled back in a bun, wearing a stained sweater that was way too big for her.

“Hi Margo.” I decided to go sit with her. She was quiet, but Margo got things. She understood so much, sometimes I swore she was some kind of guardian angel or something, sent to our apartment to protect the rest of us.

She took a slow sip of her hot chocolate, and I saw that it was brimming with marshmallows, just the way she liked it. “So, did it work?”

My face scrunched in confusion. “What?”

“Did you find your soulmate?”

I was quiet for a moment. And I nodded slowly. And then I started shaking my head. And the tears came again, but this time they weren’t silent. Margo watched me cry for a few minutes before getting up and going to her room. I thought she’d abandoned me, but she’d left her hot chocolate, so I knew she was coming back.

Sure enough, she returned with a book. She set it on the coffee table in front of us with a thud. My crying began to quiet as she flipped through the pages. “Who are these people?”

She smiled a rare Margo smile. “These are my grandparents.”

She pointed to her grandma. “My grandma met my grandpa at a bowling alley. He worked there, and while she was getting her shoes they brushed hands, and she saw color.”

She pointed to her grandpa. “Wanna know something? My grandpa never saw color. Not once in his life. He went to his grave seeing blacks and whites and grays. He used to say that she saw enough color for both of them. He said he was curious sometimes, but he knew she was his soulmate, color or not.”

I kept on crying, but now it wasn’t just for my own pitiful situation, it was for Margo’s grandparents. And then I cried harder because Margo was such a good friend, and she somehow knew exactly what was going on without me telling her shit.

She left the photo album on the table, handed me the hot chocolate, kissed my head, and headed off to her room. I flipped through the pages for a while longer. The last page was her grandparents holding a baby Margo. I knew it was Margo because of the big dark forehead birthmark.

I curled up on the couch and finished the hot chocolate. I fell asleep with the photo album in my arms.

I woke up with a text from Ellie on my phone.

And I decided to text her back.

And text her back. And text her back. Over and over.

I looked at the photo album, now laying on the floor where I had pushed it off in my sleep. Jerome had left me some eggs on the table with a note asking if I was okay and to call him if I needed anything from the grocery store. For some reason, my hangover wasn’t killer. Maybe I’d cried all the alcohol out somehow.

I ate the eggs. After all, I was going to need my energy. I had a date that day with Ellie. We were going to a movie, like a real couple.

I decided to text Jerome before I left, so he wouldn’t worry.

dont worry j, im ok. just found my soulmate; she just doesn’t know it yet

And I set out to the movie theatre, determined to help her figure it out.