#i haven't had the mental energy that they deserve but i WILL get to them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gtsdreamer2 · 11 months ago

Text

Ever since your dad walked out on your family, you felt like you had a responsibility to your mom and sister to be the man of the house. You worked hard, studied hard, went to college while working a job that helped pay the bills, and it all paid off. You used your degree to dive into the tech industry and become a great inventor. Some of your inventions were taking off, and you were finally starting to see the fruits of your labor. That also meant that you could delegate some of your work to others now, which granted you enough free time to be able to work on pet projects and spoil your girlfriend, Katy. Sometimes, those two things coincided.

After a few tireless weeks of working 'round the clock in secret, you had finally finished your girlfriend's present. She was a retro soul with a 70s aesthetic, so you made her a special lava lamp. It was special because you had engineered some of your new tech into it. Katy had always had a waifish figure since you had known her, which, although you loved her just the same for it, made her very self-conscious both in the bedroom and out in public. The lamp that you had produced just for her was designed to emit special waves of energy to both grow her lacking assets and instill confidence in her, both through temporary mental manipulation and a renewed pride in her physical appearance.

You finally got home with your new toy when you got a ping on your phone to go out for drinks with your boys. 'What the hell, why not? I've been working my ass off. I deserve this.' you thought to yourself, setting the lamp on the kitchen counter before quickly changing and speeding off to the bars. Slamming the door as your left, you woke your sleeping mom, Cindy.

She came downstairs and into the kitchen and spotted the lamp on the counter. "Well this is cool. I haven't seen one of these in years!" She said, picking it up and examining it. "I bet Jake got it for me since my birthday is coming up. He definitely wouldn't have gotten this for himself. I'm so excited to set it up. It'll make a nice night light." Your mom scampered back up the stairs with the lamp and a glass of water in hand. She quickly downed her refreshment and plugged in the lamp, setting it on the dresser on the far side of the room before switching it on.

As it heated up, a warm glow filled the room. "Wow, it's giving off a lot of heat. I probably won't be able to use this in the summer, but its very comforting right now. As the lamp got hotter, so did your mom as she got cozy in bed. She dozed off while staring at the lamp's memorizing lava bubbles.

She couldn't remember her dreams, but they must have been wonderful. Cindy awoke with her panties soaked and wedged tightly against herself. She moaned and stretched, feeling a strange tightness all across her sleepwear. As she tossed and turned, trying to get her clothes to adjust, her nipples brushed the soft fabric of her PJs and elicited another, more sexual moan from her lips. She hadn't felt this turned on in years. It was like a long dormant fire had been lit. Turning on her side, Cindy put her legs around one of the extra pillows on the bed and started to aggressively hump herself to climax, biting her blanket to stifle her whimpers of pleasure all the while. Her sensitive nipples ached to be teased as she bucked. She eagerly obliged them as she snaked a hand under her top. She was so lost in her trance that she almost didn't realize that she was grabbing more breast than she should have had. Cindy was far too lost in pleasure at that moment as she humped and groped her sensitive body until she finally came hard into the pillow that she was abusing.

Sweat-speckled and panting, she finally released the poor pillow, covered with the evidence of your mom's much needed release. 'That was amazing.' She thought to herself, still trying to collect herself as she stood up from the bed. Her clothing still felt wrong on her as she made her way to the full body mirror in the bathroom.

As she looked herself up and down in the mirror, her jaw dropped. Her tits had grown. Her ass had plumped. Her head was slightly outside the frame of the mirror which was never an issue before this moment. "This is a lot." She said to herself, trying to take it all in. "I'm...a lot. I need coffee."

Cindy forced her soaked panties off her and discarded them into her laundry bin. She replaced them with a fresh pair that seemed to strain against the might of her new rear, but they fit, for now. A bra was out of the question, so she threw on a sweater by itself and then a part of leggings that couldn't cover her ankles and made her ass perk even higher. Checking herself out in the mirror again, she felt a wave of confidence as she tossed her sex hair from side to side. "I feel amazing this morning." She whispered before heading downstairs.

You awoke on your friend's couch, your natural body clock telling you that it was time to get up for work. "Shit." You cursed under your breath. You must have gotten too wasted last night. You pulled yourself together and got your things as quick as you could. You checked your phone and realized that you wouldn't have time to go home and would have to go straight to work. You wouldn't be home until late either. Sighing, you forced yourself out of your friend's house and into your car and then off to work.

Your sister came downstairs to find your mom humming to herself while doing the morning chores. She was loading the dishwasher, finishing breakfast, and sipping her coffee. She seemed different. Not just happier and peppier, but less...mom-like. She couldn't put her finger on it. "You're in a good mood this morning." She said. Sitting down to be served. Cindy quickly placed the spread before her.

"I know!" Your mom beamed back at your sister, Destiny, sitting down with her own, overloaded plate of food. "I feel amazing this morning." She dug into her breakfast, far more ravenously than she normally would have. She blamed it on the calories burned from touching herself that morning, conveniently trying to block out the obvious answer, which was that her increased assets caused the calorie deficit. Destiny sat there in disbelief of Cindy as the massive plate of food disappeared. She had no time to gawk as she had to get her things and get to her classes, however. Destiny said her goodbyes and left your mom home alone and to her own devices.

After clearing her plate and helping herself to everything that was leftover, she finally felt satisfied. She continued with her daily chores, cleaning around the house, vacuuming, tidying up the bathroom, normal motherly duties. Around midday, she finally started to feel sluggish and tired and returned to her room for an afternoon nap. That's when she remembered the lamp. "Oops" she said to no one. "I forgot to turn this off. Reaching for the lamp, she felt the warmth kiss her fingers before moving up her arm and then through her chest. Her nipples awoke and grew hard, pressing against her already too tight top. Instead of turning the lamp off, she instead put both her hands on it and lifted it up, holding it close to her chest. The warm feeling that had already started to completely envelop her intensified and she cooed at the feeling filling her body. As her body drank in the heat that was radiating from her new luminant gift, she could feel herself growing. Suddenly her nether regions had started to produce a heat of their own and she was reminded of the fun that she had gotten to have with herself that morning. Cindy then had a devilish idea. She unplugged the lamp from the outlet on the far wall and replugged it into the one by her nightstand. Peeling off her shrinking clothing, she crawled into bed and switched the lamp back on She sat with her back resting up against the headboard and her legs spread open and her feet touching In the center she placed the lamp, mere inches from her hungry snatch. Then as she was basking in the glow, she again began to pleasure herself. Cindy had no need to hold back her cries and moans in an empty house, so as she rubbed her needy clit, she wailed in ecstasy for the first time in countless years. Orgasm after orgasm shook through her as her growing body continued to become more and more sensitive.

"Fuck!" she cried out as another climax and subsequent growth spurt rattled through her. "Why does this feel so good? I just want more and more and more! There's no way this should be happening." Not that she was keeping track of how big she was growing, but she had long left the six foot mark behind. If she had kept her clothing on, it would have started ripping itself apart from her body by now. Groping her giant tits, she couldn't help but smile. "These have grown so huge! So big and sensitive! And my nipples!" She tugged on each of them in turn then, not daring to take a hand away from her needy needy cunt. With each buck of her hips, she could feel her feet sliding further and further towards the edge of the bed and then beyond as her head pressed up against and then crept up the headboard. She could feel her pillowy ass jiggle and bounce against the bed as her leg muscles continued to thicken. After what felt like her twentieth finish, her body was finally satisfied and she passed out, the lamp tipping forward and delicately landing between her lips. As she slept, the energy from the lamp poured into her, forcing her bigger and bigger in her sleep.

Work finally ended and you were heading home. You felt behind the whole day and had hardly a moment to yourself to think. Throwing your keys on the counter, they landed right where the lamp should have been. Immediately you were wide awake, mind racing. 'I forgot all about the lamp, fuck.' You thought frantically. 'There's no way that someone plugged it in right?' You crept down the hall to your sister's room first. Slowing cracking open her door, nothing seemed out of place. You gave a sigh of relief and shut her door.

Next came your mom's room. As you quietly opened her door, your heart immediately sank. She was naked in her bed and at least eight feet tall by now. Both hands gripping the lamp as she rhythmically humped against it in her sleep. You were horrified, but it was also hard to look away. Her body was producing dangerous pheromones, just like the lamp was designed to do. Luckily, you knew this and were conscious of them. As you snuck up to the side of her bed, the pheromones grew stronger. You quickly unplugged the lamp and the room darkened slightly, now only lit from the setting sun outside. You held your breath as you slipped the lamp out of her hands, careful not to wake her. Exiting the room, you finally let out a frustrated sigh and an audible "fuck" as your sister was closing the front door.

"Woah, what's the problem?" She said, immediately noticing that something was off. She set her school stuff down and walked over to you.

"It's mom. She took this" You said gesturing to the lamp in your hands "and now she's like eight feet tall."

"Well that's...something" Your sister says, clearly lost. "What's 'this'" she said pointing to what looked to her like a relic from the 70s.

"'This' is a present for Katy, but I had to run off to work this morning after being out all night. I guess mom took it to bed and plugged it in." You let out another exasperated sigh. "Katy is on her way here right now to come pick this up, but I need to go back to my lab to get what I need to fix mom. Hopefully before she wakes up. Can I trust you to hold onto it while I'm gone and give it to my girlfriend? I don't need mom waking up and using it again. It seems like it can get pretty addicting pretty quickly based on her size. Maybe it works a little too well. I think I'll grab some supplies to recalibrate it for Katy before I let her use it." You were talking to yourself at this point.

"I don't really know what's going on since she seemed pretty normalish this morning, but sure bro!" She said eager to help. "I promise I wont let mom use it while you're gone. You should hurry though, I don't know how long she's been asleep. And if she's eight feet tall, I don't think I'd be able to stop her anyway. You better fix this."

You pushed the lamp into her arms and quickly left for your lab, leaving your sister alone with your sleeping colossus of a mother. Setting the lamp on the counter, your sister crept over to your mom's room and cracked the door open. "Holy shit," she whispered, "she's huge!" Silently closing the door, Destiny quickly scooped the lamp up and brought it to her room, where she promptly undressed and plugged it into her nightstand. Sitting on her bed, she held the lamp between her petite breasts as it began to produce heat. "Come on, come on. I don't have much time before Katy gets here. I wanna grow, too. Make me bigger!"

#gts #giantess #size kink #sizetumblr #macro #minigiantess #growth #gts writing #g/t writing

182 notes · View notes

watchtowerindistress · 4 months ago

Text

the empath and the eldritch horror (4/5) - ben hargreeves x empath!reader

Summary: Haven't you heard? It's the end of the world. And what's a small wedding among friends and family? Oh, and Ben is really bad at being a functioning human being. And why does he keep looking at you like he can't decide between kissing and killing you. Wait, what?

Word count: 4.0k

Series masterlist

Warning: drunk!ben, language, angst, fluff (we've got everything!), mention of smut (not the way you think)

Author's note: Still feeling the muse, let's go!

This series was meant to be a three-parter, but while writing this I realized the third part was just the morning after 😅 So, I'm merging everything. Watched S3 after writing this. Just noticed Sloane actually made that dress herself, oops. 🥹 Eight is wearing the dress by Zuhair Murad on the right. For these events, Eight likes to cover her skin due to her powers making her feel sensitive. I figured if Allison can go all out, so can my character. It's the end of the world, what the heck. Please tell me you guys want to read my S4 fic when I start to work on that 🥹🤗 You know how it goes, comments and reblogs feed me.

“Hey, Y/N, where have you been?” The moment you heard Luther’s voice from a distance in the lobby, you turned your head to watch your brother walk arm in arm with Sloane towards you.

You winced at the reminder of the team meeting you had deliberately neglected to show up for. “Oh, I’m sorry. Luther. My body can’t handle the weird tension with Allison and Viktor. I’m all for easing tension, but I’m getting a migraine just being there. The last time I numbed myself was not a good week for me,” you explained, while realizing you were on a rambling roll when you were done.

“I understand. Listen-” Luther started.

“Luther and I just wanted to let you know,” Sloane snuggled deeper into his side before she gingerly raised her bejeweled hand, while pressing her lips together in a nervous but excited energy. “We’re getting married.”

It took you a few seconds to understand what your eyes were seeing. Your giggling eased the tightness in their bodies. “Oh my God. Congratulations, you two.” You had to stretch a bit on your tip toes to reach Luther’s gargantuan shoulders when you tried to hug them both simultaneously.

It was moments like this when you appreciated how Luther always gave the best hugs among your siblings when he squeezed you a tad tighter than you did. Still, no broken bones, no foul.

Lingering in their embrace, you felt like you could breathe again when you said, “I’m so happy for you, Luther. You guys deserve it.”

After finally letting go, Sloane offered you a grateful smile while rubbing the inside of Luther’s arm. “Thank you. It’s tonight, at 6 in the banquet hall. Black tie-” she said, listing off a mental checklist of important information.

“Which is in a few hours, so…” Luther added, chuckling excitedly.

You smiled, letting yourself be swept away by his infectious energy. “Can’t wait. Let me grab a dress real quick,” you replied, pointing with your thumb behind you and secretly hoping there will still some shops open. Or still standing.

Luther nodded in understanding. “Right, you do that. Gotta dash to my bachelor party. Can you believe I just said that?” He already walked a few steps when he stopped in his tracks.

“Forgot something.” With a surprising motion, Luther kissed Sloane, while lowering her into a dip and with such a passion like he didn’t need air. After that public display of affection, he rushed off with an adorable wave.

“You guys are sugary sweet. I feel like I could die just watching you,” you said with a dry tone.

Sloane’s cheeks were blushing when she staggered slightly. “He’s it for me.”

With arching eyebrows, you nodded. “I can see that. Now I gotta think about where to get a dress in the apocalypse.”

While following your steps, Sloane asked, “Do you mind if I catch one with you too?”

You chuckled at their spontaneously planned wedding. “Sure. Let’s make our own bachelorette party, huh? I’ll meet you here later, okay? I’ll be quick.”

“Let’s do that.”

Quickly, you rushed towards the elevator which transported you to the floor of where your hotel room was located.

As soon as you arrived on the floor, Ben’s voice jolted you from behind. “Nice of you to finally show up.”

“Oh God, don’t do that.”

Ben walked by your side as you tried to locate your hotel room. “I told you before, you need to work on your powers.”

“Don’t worry, I felt your cloud of pure bliss when I entered the elevator.” You learned very early on that appearing omnipotent to your surroundings didn’t generally put people at ease.

Ben forced a smile on his face. “You’re hilarious. Did you hear the news already?”

“Judging by your reaction, I can guess which one you meant. Or did another happy event occur which I should know about?” At last, you arrived at your destination when you opened the door to your room and unceremoniously tried to swing it shut behind you.

Ben frowned darkly when he caught it, following after you.

Your eyes wandered over to him, perplexed by his need to continue the conversation. Ben was truly baffling sometimes for calling himself a lone wolf who didn’t need people. Dramatically, you swung your arms around to invite him to your living space.

“Why don’t you enter? Have a seat? Get a drink while you’re at it?”

Almost like accepting the invitation, the mocking undertone ignored for the moment, Ben sat on your made bed. “I mean, getting married? What the hell?”

You grabbed a few clothes from the wardrobe before going into the bathroom to change into them, yet keeping the door slightly ajar.

Feeling like he was being ignored, Ben approached the adjoining wall connecting you. “The apocalypse is right at our door and we’re celebrating a damn wedding?”

“You mean the wedding of your sister? You have to relax with that ‘I can’t stop until I’m at the top’ mindset,” you grumbled in a low voice to imitate Ben’s. “Life doesn’t have to be about missions and constant success.”

“That doesn’t sound anything like me,” Ben grunted. His focus intensified when he heard your clothes rustle as you changed into them. He furrowed his brows, like his attentions focused on what you were doing. “Where are you going?”

“Kind of in a hurry. Going dress shopping with your sister.”

With pursed lips, Ben nodded unwittingly. “Nice to know someone is so damn likable. Having a bachelorette party?”

“It’s a two-way street with us. Sloane is a sweet one and maybe I’m just fun to be around. And it’s not that much of a bachelorette party but …”

Ben felt something soothing stroking his skin.

“Why don’t you just talk to Luther?”

He snorted, crossing his arms. “What makes you think I care about a stupid bachelor party?”

You stepped out of the bathroom after you had changed into looser clothing to adapt to the Kugelblitz absorbing everything around it and with the world going literally up in flames.

“There’s no need to pretend with me, Ben. Maybe you shouldn’t spend time with the person who can feel everything you’re feeling.” You chose to remind him of that little tidbit since he seemed to want to linger within his blissful ignorance. It felt strange that Ben felt safe in confiding in you when he didn’t even like people.

“Luther is just a guy who wants to enjoy his wedding and wants to spend time with the people who care about him.” You implored vehemently, facing Ben again.

With a sarcastic air, Ben scoffed. “So sorry to disappoint that I’m nothing like your precious Ben.”

“You think you’re nothing like him? Sure, you’re way more eager to please daddy dearest. And there’s such a-” Your hands strained around his head in frustration while grunting. Sometimes, Ben’s whole aura compelled you to choke him or at least shake him profusely until some sense would barge into his head. “Dark cloud of wrath surrounding you, it’s insane.”

“You can fool anyone, your family or anyone else. That you don’t want anyone to see that you have goodness inside you. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter who you’re not.” You exhaled heavily.

“You’re Ben Hargreeves from the Sparrow Academy. Or what’s left of it. And I’m here for this Ben. I might want to get to know this guy.” You smiled endearingly, knowing that getting to a stubborn Ben Hargreeves proved harder than you’d expect.

Ben calmly stared at you. He pensively licked his lips before quietly admitting with a hoarse voice, “Stop making me like you.”

You tilted your head, smiling softly. “Why is that such a bad thing?”

“Because I don’t need-” Ben pointed between you and him. “This.”

Well, great. You were dealing with an emotionally stunted Sparrow.

“People are literally dying. Either do something about wanting to be a part of something or don’t.”

Ben shook his head, steeling himself. “Maybe you should work on those powers of yours. You think you know me so well, huh? Because you have no idea who I am.”

His solitude was all-encompassing. How alone he truly felt. After some time you could understand how it could deceive you into feeling like it was a comforting blanket.

“I know you’re the guy who needs people at his side. I know I haven’t said it before, but … I’m sorry about Fei and … you know, Christopher.” Although that grief wasn’t as profound, you could sense that on some level Ben cared. At least, Fei had something fascinating about her even if she tried to kill you with her crow powers.

At the memento of his family’s death or absorption into the black hole, Ben’s features darkened. “Don’t. Don’t pretend to care.”

“Sorry to disappoint then. This is all I can offer.” You shrugged. “Someone has to say it. You know, if someone hasn’t yet.”

Ben leaned forward until you could admire how utterly black his eyes looked. His wrath was wafting in dark smoke around his figure. “What makes you think I care about what you have to say?”

You felt so drained. “Then wh- You know what? Fine. End of the world and all that.” You twirled your finger in the air. “Do what you want.” Your hands made a cutting gesture. “I get to decide how I spend my energy. Just close the door behind you. And, just so you know, I’ll know when you steal something.”

You pointed at Ben threateningly before closing the door behind you.

Ben’s voice reverberated through the threshold. “Why would I steal your stuff?”

You leaned back in the chair, enjoying the taste of champagne in your mouth with the sensation of luxury. “You know, this is actually really nice,” you called out, trying to reach Sloane while she was changing into her dream dress.

You stretched out your legs, trying to relax. “Just us girls, having fun together. No baggage. No worries.” At the memory of impending doom, your eyes widened. “For now at least.”

Standing in the corner of the wedding store, Lila was curiously browsing through the clothes hangers and continued for you, “No annoying boyfriends.”

Through the curtain, Sloane added, “Nothing else to do but try out these gorgeous dresses.” With that, she stepped outside in a high-collared wedding dress.

Seeing her in all her glory, Lila and you hollered in delight.

“You look hot.” Lila draped her leg over your armrest to reach over and pop a small cupcake into her mouth in one go.

You merely raised your glass in silent agreement.

Sloane admired herself in the mirror while swishing with her dress. Disappointment laced her voice when she mused, “Allison could’ve been here.”

“I mean, I could’ve truly convinced her if I wanted her to and make her have fun, but that’s like half the fun.” You poured more liquid into your flute. “Allison wants to hold on to that anger of hers, fine. And just so you know,” you paused. With your glass hanging in the air, you couldn’t help saying out loud, “I’m tired. I don’t have the energy for it.”

“I could have tried my hand at that,” Lila retorted confidently.

You eyed her dubiously. “Are you sure about that?”

Lila shrugged, exhaling. “You’re probably right. Don’t think I want to get inside Allison’s head.” Her body shuddered at the thought of copying your empathetic power before her mood switched when she patted your leg. “Gotta rush to the loo real quick.”

You chuckled deeply. “Your cupcakes will still remain here,” you promised wholeheartedly.

Silently, Lila pointed a finger in warning at you. You merely observed her retreating form with knowing eyes.

Sloane continued watching herself in the mirror when she bit her lip while brushing the garment. You cleared your throat when you felt the stroking happening under the skin again.

“Something you want to ask me?” Your eyes met Sloane’s through the reflection.

“Have you talked to Ben yet?”

You chuckled at the mention of her brother, groaning loudly. “Did I tell you I’m tired already?”

Sloane smiled ruefully. “He took up all your energy?” The following heavy sigh perfectly encapsulated how it felt like to describe someone like him. “Ben, he’s, I think he has so much potential to be something more.”

Silently, you raised your eyebrows before adding, “Are you trying to tell me something I don’t already know?”

“He seems different around you.”

“You mean more intense? Are you trying rationalize him?”

Sloane chuckled while shaking her head. “I think you terrify him.”

“Thank you. That’s the biggest compliment anyone has ever given me,” you said sarcastically before emptying your glass. “You know, I’m over my bad boy phase.”

Excitedly, Sloane turned to gaze directly at you. “Wait, so you’re saying you’re into my brother?”

You shook your head vehemently at the mere insinuation while groaning. Not opening that can of worms.

“Ugh, nope, no. Not doing that. I’m not talking about your brother while you’re looking like a million bucks. Besides, today is about you.” You stood up with a coy smile, waving your hand at the mirage that was Sloane’s body.

“Damn right, it is.” Lila magically appeared to agree. “Are we coming to a decision?”

A sigh of deep regret exhaled from Sloane’s lips. “I think it’s going to be dress number one. What can I say? I liked trying on all these dresses.” She gushed while eyeing Lila and you. “And the company.”

“Aren’t you a doll,” Lila replied softly.

“Yes, Luther and you really deserve each other.”

You were wearing your long-sleeved golden dress when you entered the banquet hall. Despite the time crunch, everything was set up quite beautifully. With the lighting making everything appear almost intimately. You were getting some prom vibes with the balloons and the retro flair, but you didn’t feel like judging them for the quick setting up.

Luther joined you near the entrance, smiling warmly. “Fashionably late?”

You shrugged shyly. “As always.”

“How are you feeling?” Like when you were still kids, Luther patted your hair soothingly, making you feel all warm inside. Knowing how overwhelmed you could get with big events, or as big as they could get with the Kugelblitz absorbing people.

“Don’t worry, I’d prefer a wedding over a funeral.” You smiled warmly, staring up at him with pride. “Look at you, big guy. Can’t believe you’re getting hitched,” you said, playfully nudging his shoulder with your knuckles.

You felt the stirring sensation again. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Ben standing in the distance with Allison, sending you an inscrutable expression. Not exactly a scowl on his face, but still something dark remained while he was leaning with his crossed arms against the wall.

Luther’s positive energy pulled you back. He shared a beaming smile at you. “It’s really happening, huh,” he mused, burying his gloved hands in his trouser pockets. “Sloane told me you went dress shopping with her. I really appreciate you taking the time to get to know her.”

“Well, kinda already did that almost a week ago.” After seeing Luther’s blank expression, you continued, “When we were abducted?”

“Right. Feels so long ago.”

“At least our little get-together with Sloane was kinda fun. A small reprieve from the chaotic mess of everything.”

Luther nodded. “I feel you.” He was getting all jittery before he even said the next part. “God, I can’t wait to be married. I’ll see you outside.”

After a very emotional wedding ceremony—also because of Klaus’ flamboyant theatrics—Luther and Sloane were finally husband and wife. Watching them bask in their wedding dance was slowly getting to your sentimental vibes, you realized. Wanting them to have their moment, you joined the table of Klaus and Ben with your cocktail.

“… ridiculously easy to love,” Klaus finished with a fond presence.

“Am I interrupting a heartfelt moment?” You softly asked before filling the seat at Klaus’ side and taking a hearty gulp.

“Beautiful Y/N, join us! We’re reminiscing.” Klaus gushed with absolute joy, throwing his arms around your middle. With a quiet murmur, he whispered to himself, “I think that’s the word. Oh, dad’s holding a speech.” Klaus jumped from his seat.

“Did you know our Y/N loves seafood?” Klaus whispered like he was sharing a secret with Ben. His gaze switched over to yours. “Be a dear and keep sullen Ben company,” he said before sauntering away without a care in the world.

Blinking slowly, Ben’s words were uttered just as slowly. Like choosing them carefully. “Your dress is really … golden.”

“Wow.” You nodded to yourself, with a smile. “And you’re very drunk.”

Ben’s gaze wandered around. “Everyone’s leaving. Even Sloane prefers that big walking ape.”

“She’s not leaving. Your sister just found something else she liked more.”

“You mean liked doing more,” Ben mumbled tauntingly.

You had to restrain from barfing at the idea of your brother having sex. As much as a drunk Ben was kinda hilarious. “Oh, that’s gross, Ben,” you said, trying to stop yourself from laughing.

A solemn sigh exhaled from your lips. “You didn’t ask Luther, did you?” You asked knowingly.

Ben’s shoulders almost appeared too heavy for him to lift when he shrugged them carelessly. “I don’t get an invite and dad just gets to show up to this wedding. What does it matter?”

Ben mindlessly fiddled with the small straw in his drink. The speeches were over for now and people started mingling on the dance floor.

“I think it does to you. How people see you. To be liked. Makes you endearing in a way. We all just want to be accepted for who we are.”

Ben supported his chin with his hand in a casual manner, or at least tried to, when he missed it by a few inches. Instead, he held up the side of his head with his whole palm while observing you through bleary eyes.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” He mumbled quietly.

It was moments like these when Ben revealed stuff like this which broke your heart. “Are you not used to this experience?”

“I don’t understand you,” he mumbled. “Sometimes you make it really hard not to like you.”

Inwardly, you felt bliss fill you up at the unexpected compliment coming from someone like him. Even if that little confession delighted you, your concern for his inebriated state was higher.

“Easy there, buckaroo. Maybe you should have more shrimps. Or at least some bread,” you advised, sliding over a glass filled with grissini. “Someone is quite a talker when they’re drunk, huh?”

“Someone cares about my well-being.” With a sing-song voice, Ben taunted and smirked cheekily.

You smiled wistfully, almost bittersweetly. “You know what I think?” You paused, intuitively envisioning a possible future scenario. “I tell you how tonight’s gonna go down. You’ll have fun, lose all your inhibitions. Because you didn’t have to try so hard to be number one. Or be the best at everything.”

Speaking slowly, you added, “Tomorrow, you’re going to wake up, with all your guards up again. No longer chummy with the people around you. And a part of you is going to regret ever being this real version of yourself. All adorable and sweet.”

Ben chuckled suavely. “You calling me sweet? You know what I think?” He took up the empty seat of Klaus, almost toppling over with the effort. “You’re secretly into me.”

You rolled your eyes at Ben’s ability to feed his own ego. With a satisfied smile, you turned it back on him. “And you actually like that thought.”

“Oh, you think you’re so smart.”

“Whoa, déjà vu.”

“Okay, then tell me what I want.” Ben smirked confidently, waving to himself.

“It’s been a long time since someone dared me for a party favor.” Trying to keep him in suspense for a bit longer, you bit your lip and tilted your head in mock speculation. But then you whispered conspiratorially, “You want me to dance with you, Ben Hargreeves.”

Blowing air through his mouth, Ben groaned. “That’s what you think? Is this how you get guys—with that little technique?” He twirled his finger in your direction.

You arched your eyebrows. “Then tell me I’m wrong.”

He snorted. “I’m not falling for that trick.”

“Maybe. But now I’m in your head, Hargreeves,” you sang tauntingly before laughter sprang free. “Come on, it’s just one night to let loose.”

You stood up, beckoning him closer while walking backwards towards the dance floor. “I promise, tomorrow you can pretend to be the asshole again. Just have some fun for a night.”

“We can’t all be Little Miss Sunshine.”

You snorted loudly at that description. If anything, as an Empath, you were almost an antithesis to the preconceived notion of an all-caring and always-happy disposition.

“Only you would think that. Come on, Benny-boo. Show me those dance moves of yours.”

“You’re a bad influence,” he mumbled before he gobbled down another shrimp. Ben reached for you and energetically spun you in a circle until your fingers held onto his chest for stability.

“Stop calling me by that name,” he whispered, only for your ears to hear.

You let go of Ben, sending him a smoldering gaze over your shoulder. “Why don’t you make me?” You mocked, strolling over to the bride to dance with her and watched as he joined the fray reluctantly, but no less swayed.

“You owe me,” he mouthed.

In the end, you chose to ignore his little warning by teasingly shrugging your shoulders. “I can’t hear you.”

One hangover later … for Ben

“Did someone ever tell you, you look cute when you’re trying to fall asleep in an upright position?”

You watched in fascination how your words jolted Ben awake while he was leaning against the elevator wall, with his shirt pulled halfway down his muscled torso.

“Excellent workout routine, by the way.” You felt obliged to mention.

Ben grunted, rubbing his cheeks to awaken his senses even more. At the hint, he pulled his shirt down the rest of the way. “Why is Karma coming after me so hard?”

You stepped inside the elevator and pressed the button for the lobby for show, since Ben didn’t even select a button when he entered.

“It’s not Karma, Ben. It’s a literal hangover.”

Feeling a heated stare linger on you, your eyes met Ben’s whose blinking eyes tried to focus on you. With his arms crossed, his shoulder leaned against the other wall. “Then why do you look so pretty?”

You teasingly nudged his shoulder. “Aww, Ben Hargreeves, what a charmer. My body works in mysterious ways.”

Comfortable silence hung in the air the longer the elevator traveled to its intended destination.

“You know, your brother is a dick.” Finally, Ben decided to end the quiet.

You pursed your lips when several people who fitted that description entered your mind. Especially with a wedding in the past and many lowered inhibitions.

“Uh… which one are we talking about? You’re checking a lot of boxes right now.”

“Klaus,” Ben enunciated with every fiber of his being.

You nodded, comprehending their cautious bond. During the previous night, Klaus and Ben proved to be the tightest of bosom buddies. The fallout was unfortunate. Ben didn’t have a lot of people in his life. Most of your family would rather label him as Not-Ben in their heads instead of getting to know him as his own person.

So, yes, your family could be dicks sometimes.

“Well, he’s trying. The former Ben and him were like the closest for years.” You recalled fondly. Deciding to cheer Ben up a bit, you remarked playfully, “Judging by last night, you two were up to some wild shenanigans.”

Ben reached for your arm. “Wait. What happened last night?”

Chuckling, you shook your head. Almost impressed with last night’s Ben. “You were something else last night. I mean, you were just showing off with your tentacles. They were like really touch-starved. How are they even feeling after that spectacle?”

“Come again?”

The doors opened before you could divulge more. “Uh, you might want to check your shirt again. It’s still backwards. See you at the breakfast buffet.”

“This conversation isn’t over.” Ben exclaimed with great ardor before the doors shut again.

Tagging: @cherryinsalemverse @mellowstatesmanhandsempath @ravenmoore14 @blackmagicwoman @lelaamela

#watchtowerindistress #steph writes #the empath and the eldritch horror #ben hargreeves x you #ben hargreeves x reader #sparrow!ben x you #sparrow!ben x reader #sparrow!ben hargreeves x reader #tua season 3

82 notes · View notes

ilovetheriddler · 6 months ago

Text

The Enigma of Love.

(Gotham) Edward Nygma x F!Reader.

Chapter One.

Word Count: 1,737.

Contents: A bit of backstory, you and Edward meet for the first time.

You're in a dark room, the only source of light being the walls illuminated by green tinted question marks. There's a faint Cedar wood smell lingering in the air. Pieces of paper lay at your feet, riddles scrawled all over them. You reach down to pick one up and read it.

"I hurt the most when lost, yet also when not had at all. I'm sometimes the hardest to express, but the easiest to ignore. I can be given to many, or just one. What am i?"

You jolted awake with the sudden sound of your alarm. It was just another weird dream... You had been having that specific one though for a while now, and you often wondered what was causing it. Was it a result of stress? Perhaps because of your worries about your mother recently? She was sick after all. And what was with that bizarre riddle? Every time you had the dream, it was exactly the same. You ultimately decided that you couldn't waste any time today dwelling on it. Not right now, at least.

You rubbed the remnants of sleep from your eyes before you glanced over at your alarm clock. 8:00 am.... wait, 8:00 am?! You were supposed to be at work at 7:00, oh God, you could only hope that maybe your boss wouldn't be too harsh with you over this, after all you've never been late before now.

You quickly scrambled out of bed and made your way to the bathroom, turning on the sink and splashing some water on your face. You hopped in the shower and washed up as fast as you possibly could before getting dressed. You made sure you had everything and also grabbed something to eat quickly before you left to head to your place of employment. The Gotham City public library.

Not too many people frequented the library, which you didn't exactly mind. It made it a fairly quiet and peaceful place to work, which was rare in a place like Gotham. You first got this job a few months ago, mainly to help pay for your mother's hospital bills, which just seemed to increase every time you closed your eyes.

You felt like it was your responsibility to help her out in any way that you feasibly could. After all, it wasn't like your father would help. In fact, you weren't even sure if he was still living in Gotham. You haven't seen him since he walked out on you and your mother when you were six. You were twenty-three now, so it was close to almost two decades ago. You tried not to waste energy thinking of him over the years. You had your mother who was always there for you, and that was all the family you needed.

You always knew and understood how difficult it was for her to raise you as a single mother, but she truly always put every ounce of energy and time she had into making sure that you were happy, safe, and felt loved. Even if she wasn't always around since she worked two jobs just to support the two of you. Maybe that was why it weighed on you so heavily that she was now in the hospital. It wasn't fair. She spent all those years running herself into the ground for you. She deserved to be able to spend her time now relaxing, perhaps traveling even. But it seemed the universe and its cruel sense of humor had other plans, and that tore you apart every night.

You snapped out of your intense train of thought as you finally arrived at the library. You mentally prepared yourself to be chewed out by your boss but were surprised when you walked in only to realize that she wasn't there. You walked over to your coworker, who was organizing some of the books back onto the shelves.

"Morning Ashley, have you seen Mrs Jones around today?"

Ashley, who was only a few years older than you were, sighed, pushing some of her longer black hair out of her face. She turned to look at you before answering.

"No, she had to call in today. Apparently, she caught that flu that's been going around lately.... you're late though, let me guess, you overslept?"

"... Yeah... I um... apologize for being so late..."

"It's alright, I genuinely don't care that you're late. You still showed up, and this place is always practically a ghost town anyway, so don't worry about it."

Your nerves calmed down at this. You didn't really know Ashley too well since you hadn't worked here long, and you two didn't really speak much, but she genuinely always seemed like a pretty cool person. She was actually Mrs Jones's granddaughter, which you thought was kind of interesting. You breathed out a relieved sigh.

"..Thanks... i was honestly worrying myself half to death over it on the way here."

She chuckled to herself slightly at your relieved state. Before offering you a bit more of reassure.

"You honestly shouldn't worry about it. You've been working here for like... what? Six months now? And you've only ever been late once? That's not too bad! My grandma is a pretty laid-back woman. She's not going to hold it against you."

"...I know she is.... I guess I just got a bit worked up for some reason..."

With that, you made your way over to the front desk and began updating the system with what needed to be changed and added. It was actually a bit more than you usually had to input as a result of the library getting an entire new shipment of books in today, which wasn't exactly a pleasant day for anyone. Ashley would be stuck reorganizing and adding new books to the shelves all day. You'd be stuck inputing all the new information into the database for hours on end, and your other coworker, Kevin, wouldn't actually do anything. Because he didn't show up again! You honestly sometimes wondered how he hadn't been fired yet. You're so deeply focused on your current task that you're startled by a sudden voice speaking to you.

"I'm made from trees and can bring people either incredible joy or intense sorrow. I can be short or long, big or small. It can take people a long time to create me or very little, depending on the person. What am i?"

You glanced up to see a fairly tall man. He had neatly kept short brown hair and rich brown eyes, which were framed by his black glasses that he adjusted slightly as he stood there. He had a somewhat goofy grin on his face, and you couldn't deny that he was definitely kind of attractive. His words finally fully dawned on you, and you were confused... was... he asking you a riddle of all things?

"I... I don't know, what is it?"

He set down a stack of books that he had in his arms on the counter in front of you. Before giving you the answer.

"A book! I um... I'd actually like to check these out... You know if um... it's not too much trouble, that is...?"

"Not at all! That's why I'm here, I just need to see your library card, and if you don't have one, then I'll have to sign you up for one."

He handed you his library card. After fumbling around his pocket for it. You take a quick look at it and can't help the smile that crosses your face. Edward Nygma... His name was similar to the word Enigma, and you found that kind of amusing. You pulled him up in the system and started looking through the books he's picked up. 1000 Riddles to stump your friends and colleagues! The history of puzzles. And the entire Sherlock Holmes collection.

"Quite the um... selection you have here... I'm going to take a wild guess and assume you like riddles and puzzles?"

"O-oh! Yes, I do enjoy them quite a lot...."

You finished up getting everything sorted out for him and handing him back the books. You give him a soft and kind smile.

"Well, I hope that you have an enjoyable day, Mr Nygma. And that you also find those books to be to your liking."

He seemed to get slightly flustered as he attempted to quickly stammer out a response.

"O-oh.. um.. i..I will! T-thank you miss!"

He left with his books, and you resumed the process of adding to the database. Thankfully, it ended up not taking as long as you thought it would. You noticed the time and realized that it was almost your lunch break, so you make your way to a place to sit down for a bit and eat the sandwich that you brought with you, because the only place really close to your place of employment was a fancy Cafe that sold their sandwiches for like 32.99 a sandwich, and that was highway robbery as far as you were concerned! You weren't paying that much for a damn sandwich when you could just make one at home and bring it with you, which is what you always did. You sometimes wondered how a place like that could even stay open in Gotham. Who the hell was paying for those sandwiches!?

You ultimately decided not to think about it, instead just focusing on your lunch. However, something caught your eye. It was a wallet setting on the counter. You put your sandwich down and walked over to look at it. It was a fairly nice material and had a green question mark on the front. You looked inside to try and find any id and immediately found it.

Edward Nygma. It was Edward Nygma's wallet. You sighed, you knew that he definitely needed this and thought for a moment whether he'd realize that he lost it and come back, or it you should pull up his profile in the database and call him to inform him. You ultimately decided that you should absolutely do the latter, only to realize that he didn't have a number listed. Damn it, that made this more difficult. You checked his wallet again and noticed something mentioning his place of employment.

You asked Ashley to cover for you while you were gone and started to make your way down to the GCPD.

#dc comics #batman #gotham #edward nygma #the riddler #riddler #the riddler x reader #edward nygma x reader #x reader #fanfic

56 notes · View notes

lokilysolbitch · 8 months ago

Text

DO WHAT YOU CAN AND DONT BE A DICK ON THE INTERNET

i was writing a post about how it's unhelpful to shame average people for not meeting your standards of activism and calling them evil and things like that bc shame is not a reliable motivator and you don't know these people blah blah blah. and then i ended up writing this so here u go:

like. let's imagine you're an average guy. you work a job under a shitty manager and you still can't pay rent and afford groceries at the same time. you have untreated physical and mental illness and/or trauma. you don't have energy to cook a full meal. one of the microwave foods you like is being recalled. lead or e. coli or something. you can't remember when you last had water. you are too tired to clean the mold and algae off the corners of your brita. and who knows what is in the tap water.

a new episode of your favorite show just came out. you post about it. someone comments or makes a video about you and several others who are not posting about [serious issue]. saying you are heartless and inhuman. and you've heard about [serious issue] on a site or from someone who is supposed to be the most trustworthy on this topic. this random person on the internet is telling you things that don't match up to that. they're telling you that you should've had researched more. that not knowing enough is not an excuse. there is mold in your brita filter.

the video about you has thousands of comments. they're saying they think you should know what it's like to experience [serious issue]. then maybe you would take it seriously. you have the privilege to post about your favorite show. you are being lazy. these people are like piranhas. your dinner has e. coli or something. you have to clean your brita.

you want to research [serious issue]. you care about people. you started to but you are hearing different stories. one of your sources is from the same internet the random person came from. you thought you weren't supposed to trust the internet? another source can't even stand up against itself. that one is supposed to be trustworthy.

you see someone getting torn apart for posting misinformation. comments say they should have done their research. these people are like piranhas.

now you're seeing it. raw footage. you need a break and your notifications are flooded. why haven't you posted about this yet??? it's the least you could do. are you lazy??? don't you care??? these people are like piranhas. you still need to clean the brita.

no more internet. you need to clean the brita. sponge, soap. tap water. thin green and black streaks coming off the corners of the pitcher. all done. well now the sponge has mold on it. new sponge. your brita filter is getting old. new filter. do you even deserve a new filter? do you deserve fresh water? whatever, just refill it. tap water. waiting. tap water. waiting. tap water, fridge. check your phone.

brita filters are getting recalled.

lead or e. coli or something.

#ohio #i still think about you #this exact situation hasn't happened to me #it's partly based off my experience and partly off of others #and britas have not been recalled to my knowledge but i do know they're like #not a great or amazingly effective brand #i hear they are very bare bones #like they're alright #don't worry about lead in ur brita is what i'm saying #handmadeorganicpost #art #??#writing #prose #poetry #writer #this is not about one situation #i've seen this pattern since 2020 at the earliest #handmadeorganicart

84 notes · View notes

the-moon-devi · 2 years ago

Text

🦋Channeled Messages from Spirit 🦋

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

Use your intuition & pick which mood board is calling u!

Decks used: The HooDoo Tarot & The Love oracle

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Pile 1:

Channeled Messages:

••••••••••••••••••••••••

♡ Flower dress- cottagecore

♡ The color pink??

♡ breadwinner

♡ shame

♡ gossip

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Cards pulled: Father of Baskets, 9 of sticks, the sun, son of knives, bottom of the deck; justice

You carry yourself respectfully,and you come off lady-like/ feminine. But I feel like you don't bs around, people may think your not very smart. People comment on your looks alot (maybe your hair) to make you feel self conscious about your appearance. (Cuz' their jealous) The first card that came out for you was the Father of Baskets and the energy I'm getting is maybe a father or perhaps a boss or love interest either way I feel like this person tries to tell you what to do and wants to keep you in harsh situations or puts you in harsh situations. You may find yourself in a position to defend yourself and your ego. This may have something to do with your reputation or how others view you this person could have been sneakily putting out rumors about you. I'm getting you deserve justice for this and your going to get it. Honestly, this could even be a legal battle your going through. I'm getting like legally blonde vibes from this pile. I feel like people think your too pretty to be smart. They try to pick you apart and get mad once they realize your more mentally strong than you gave off. This man gossiped and talked about you so bad. I feel so hurt and betrayed for ya'll. You could've trusted this person and talked to them about your emotions but they were very two-faced to you. You may have learned they were doing this to you because you were eavesdropping. If you haven't then you will and I'm getting the energy that's it going to come out pretty soon. Alright pile 1, I hope this helped and you guys cuss this person out because you have every right to. 😘😡

Pile 2:

Channeled Messages:

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

♡ falling/ Tower card moment

♡ unexpected

♡ confusion

♡ lost

♡ tired

♡ starseed

♡ scorpio

♡ necklace

♡ overestimated/ exhaustion

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Cards pulled: The lovers, 5 of cups, ace of knives, 3 of Baskets, 5 of sticks, the high priestess.

Oracle: coffin- growth,change liberation,change

Heartbroken- deeply hurt,sad,seperation,breakup, feeling lost grieving mourning,

The runner- fear of intimacy, listening to ego

Ascending- transcending, obstacles, learning expansion, new phase, preparing for union

You are very confused right now, I feel like you guys hit rock bottom or you were just thrown down a hole or like a maze where you keep going around in circles. It could feel like something or someone is chasing you. I just had a dream similar to this, so this message could really resonate with this pile. You may be scared of a love interest hurting you, because we have the lovers card here, this person could have actually hurt you and left you feeling disappointed in love. That experience is what could have put you in this tower energy. I think your ancestors sent you into this to get clarity on something that's spiritual. You have the ascending card and the High priestess. Your in a maze and you have to find a way out instead of running from what your scared of face it head on. That thing your running from could be the thing that's going to protect you. You also have the 5 of wands there could be some spiritual warfare going on for you this may be affecting your mental. This is such a complex pile and I love it because your message is very deep. I felt the need to go on pinterest after channeling and I saw a cross necklace with Jesus and a picture that said Evara. Evara means gift of God. Your very connected to the ETHERS and your being called to pull out that ace of swords to beat whatever enemy you have. You have the gift of God and you are protected. You may be in some type of religion it doesn't have to be Christian, you could be like a witch/ apart of some type of cultural group or in a cult. I'm getting vibes like that. I feel like you work very well with dark energy. Because you are of light & dark and know how to transmute. Something could also be affecting your sleep or, you could literally avoid sleeping because you feel attacked in your dreams. I did also channel starseeds before I pulled your cards. You could be confused on why all of this is happening to you and this could be why. A certain celebration also could have not turned out the way you wanted to. There could have been a fight or smth like that. Theres also a few of you who are going through this because your running from your person, and they are trying to protect you. Im getting a lot as i close this energy out but yall are tired try to go to sleep. You could get alot of psychic downloads which leads to overstimulaion & paranoia try to journal and speak aloud. Maybe even psychic attacks. Some of you also could have lossed a partner. Im so sorry. I hope this helped in some way, and I pray for mental/ spiritual insight for you. Pls do some protection/banishing wrk if ur in2 that. 😘🔮

Pile 3:

Channeled messages:

••••••••••••••••••••••••

♡ Thick/ nice shape

♡ Monochromatic/ Luxury

♡ Natural hair

♡ single mom

♡ callou/ Arthur

♡ writer

♡ Family by dream girls

♡ the box- Roddy rich (this is so random ik 🤣 but maybe there's a message 4 u 🤭)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Cards pulled: Son of Baskets, 2 of knives, Mother of baskets, 4 of wands, Hierophant, Father of swords

Oracle: Photograph- looking at your photos, missing you, Nostalgia, make new memories

For those of you who chose this pile, you could have children or your pregnant. While I was started channeling I started rubbing my stomach so maybe your expecting. I also started remembering shows from my childhood like callou and Aurthur (2000s babies know). You could be a young parent reflecting back on your childhood because your energy pulled the Photograph oracle card and this represents old memories and Nostalgia, I kinda got like a melancholy feeling from this like you miss it. Your now realizing your entering a new phase in your life. You may be having/ have a boy too since both of those shows have little boy as the main characters. I feel like you have two options with the two of swords here. You may not know the specifics of each option and feel like you don't know enough about either to choose. 4 of wands here im getting family but also you have the hierophant and this card represents traditional values. The hierophant can also represent marriage so you could be getting married and starting a family with the father of knives soon. (I'm seeing 717 as I'm writing this) look up that number it could have a meaning for you. This person could feel you have very mothering energy. Your energy is the mother of cups. I see you and this person have built a very solid foundation. You may be worried about being pregnant or whatever your case is but whichever turn you make you'll be fine. I'm also getting your family will have your back no matter what. You may be worried about being a single mom or conforming to traditional roles of being married before you have children. You could have this mindset because of your family. It was a pleasure reading for you guys, yall energy feels so venusian & Lunar. Best wishes to you and your decision! 🌺🦋

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Catch ya later lovelies! Til' next time!

𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓶𝓮𝓵 𝓴𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓮𝓼 xx🤎💋

~𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓶𝓮𝓵

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡��♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

𝓓𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓓𝓮'𝓛𝓾𝔁𝔁𝓮 (masterlist)

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

©𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓶𝓮𝓵 (Do not copy or steal my work)

263 notes · View notes

novantinuum · 5 months ago

Note

Which one is knowing, loving, being? Is that one about the blorbo Steven?

Yessss ahahah, this is the one with the Gem Steven design I won't shut up about on discord XD

(thank you for taking my bait and asking me about this fiUSHKFNSUGJH my evil plan worked)

E eeeeee *cracks knuckles* time to RAMBLE! I am so excited about this one, lmaooo. If you're wondering where all my "Crack the Paragon update progress" energy went these past few months, I am so sorry besties- but it got funneled to this project instead. I need to finish this goddamn fic by the end of the year like I need air.

The tl;dr of it all is that this story is my adult human!Steven/gem!Steven/Connie propaganda piece, and also a place to explore my personal take on how Steven works like,,, biologically,,, as a bizarre hybrid of two beings who are fused but also Not Really. Certainly not in the way fusion works for OTHER people.

Mind you, this fic is very NSFW, as will be the snippit I share- so the rest of my rambles will go under a cut. You have been warned.

Okay, so the broad strokes. This one's gonna be 4 chapters-

Chapter one will focus on a recently married 23 yr old Steven heading out to Rose's Room so he can work through some mental bullshit regarding the split he experienced as a kid. That trauma still lingers all these years later, and there's still so much he doesn't fully understand about... about what happened. About being outright cleaved in two. He ends up having the Room conjure a cloud version of his Gem half- the most unfamiliar and alien one of the two, to him- so he can try and talk out his confusions.

Chapter two features Steven nosediving into an obsession over an impulsive kiss he shared with that friggin' cloud version of his Gem half, and one thing kinda just leads to another, and well- said obsession ends with his component halves briefly split apart so they can fuckin' bang to work through whatever crunchy ass emotions they've got all stewed up in there. Progress wise, I am at this part of the fic right now, and I am having a lot of fun making this segment as "emotions and stimuli all mixed together" and intentionally confusing as I can. I am taking the depiction of "split POV" we had in Change Your Mind VERY seriously and literally, because I haven't seen too many writers dare to try.

Chapter three is mostly like, an interlude chapter- it's the aftermath of chapter two, where a confused and sheepish Steven opens up to his wife Connie about what he just experienced. In my head, my version of Steven is VERY demisexual, so he's like... just as "huh" as anyone else about what just took place. He and Connie talk shit out, and then Connie is basically like "baby. sweetheart. love of my life. why the HELL would you rip out your own gem like that, and MORE IMPORTANTLY, why would you ever do that when i'm not here to help you if things went wrong??" By the end of the convo though, Steven extends an open invitation for Connie to join in at some point and enjoy some intimacy as the three of them, both of his component halves and her.

Chapter four is entirely about that precise encounter, both the planning and the actual sex. The broad purpose I have in mind here is to showcase how such an encounter is something that's innately healing for them as a couple, in the way they get to re-contextualize this scenario in tones of love and trust and willful choice... as opposed to the horrid experience of being ripped apart by another's hand. I also just want them to get WEIRD about it, because like. Come on. Steven's half-alien. He (and the organic and Gem who combine to MAKE him) deserves to be weird about himself and the way he interacts with his own sexuality. And you just KNOW Connie would be into that. There is a lot of genital shapeshifting here, and they have a fucking great time.

I have overtly had the extremely general sketch of this idea floating around in my head since 2019, but never had the guts to actually tackle it until now. Now, though... I've actually gotten some practice with writing smut and feel confident in my ability to swing these scenes in the way I envision them, AND I finally have a circle of people who are down to talk about Steven being really goddamn weird about himself lmafo. Like, it's 2024, I'm allowed to ship selfcest if I want, fuck you.

But yes, chapter 1 is already done at 5.3K words, and I've got a solid 7.4K on chapter 2 (and rising.) For my actual WIP share, here is a snippit I recently wrote for chapter 4, working ahead a bit-

“So this is your idea of a big finale, huh?” he says with an impish smirk as he reads the last item on the list, a healthy dose of humor lightening his words. “Both of them fucking like rabid animals in heat as you merely lounge on the bed and watch?” “Oh, shut up,” she bites back, unable to even look her dear husband in the eye as she clunks her head down on the kitchen table, her cheeks burning like she’s destined to crumble to cinders amidst her own personal inferno of runaway lust. But Steven, damn that ridiculous man, won’t let her live this down. Ugh. Of course he wouldn’t. “Now, tell me… how long have you been secretly dreaming of this scenario?” She groans, mumbling her shameful little response straight into the table mat. “Only like… every other night since I saw you fall apart…” His rumbly chuckle— brimming with unquestioned warmth and just a tinge of bashfulness at the sheer risqué inanity of this never-before-spoken revelation— rings loud and clear, coating the whole room in its dense, chocolatey tenor. “What?” Connie whines as she snaps upright, her hands fidgeting on the table in the throes of such excruciating embarrassment. “What exactly’s so funny about that? I’m being very brave and vulnerable about this, you know!” He raises a placating hand, pushing himself through the final notes of his laughter before moving to respond. “Sorry, sorry, I promise I’m not making fun, it’s just— I guess you never really struck me as the, uh… the voyeuristic type?” “Does that… bother you?” she frowns, tilting her head a little. “The idea of me just… watching? I— it’s only a suggestion, we can always take it off, if you—” “No, I’m okay with it. Depending on how we set things up, I think it could be pretty hot. In fact…” Steven grabs for a pencil, and— waggling his eyebrows at her— begins to write one last line on their collective beat sheet. “I actually have a little idea of my own that I think would be fun to try out during this…”

#nova rambles #ask meme #2024 is my selfcest supporting era

24 notes · View notes

em-writes-stuff-sometimes · 5 months ago

Note

Haven't heard from you in a while, hope you're doing well! <3

Hey, nonnie - I'm doing alright. Personal ramble below the cut. Skip if you're just here for fanfic reading and don't care about my silly little melodrama.

Not going to go into too much detail, but I've been really feeling the depression lately. For context, I have clinical depression and take a really high dose of antidepressants, which fuck with other aspects of my life (i.e. weight and lack of sleep). Medical consensus is that I'll need medication for the rest of my life as my brain does not perform the appropriate mood-regulating functions (I'm not super sure what the specifics of this are). I've struggled with low feeling, demotivation, SI/SH etc. for nearly nine years now. I've slipped into a bit of an episode lately - not necessarily related to being online but Tumblr is a part of it - but I'm trying to work my way out of it by picking up some new-old hobbies, such as crochet, and doing things that I like and that don't stress me. I'm safe and don't have the opportunity to action any of my feelings, so please don't worry about me!

Unfortunately, Tumblr has been a source of stress for me since I've come on here. I've made some downright terrible choices in friends, in behaviour, in the amount of energy I commit to this space, and the only one who can really break this cycle is me. This site hosts a really wide range of personalities, and I just... feel like I've encountered some of the absolute worst among all of that, and it's done me absolutely no favours when it comes to making good choices. We all say that as adults, we should know better, but there's no sudden switch that flips, you know? We spend our whole lives making mistakes and learning from them. Adulthood isn't the abrupt entry into moral infallibility, and that's been something I've had to address and work through when it comes to my own failings.

To be perfectly honest, Tumblr isn't a supportive place. Or the people aren't. I don't really know which. To clarify, I do generally speak of the community of artists and writers in this, not the people here who just want to enjoy art or read someone's fanfic. I suppose there's a certain level of - I don't know - self-centredness? - when it comes to creating an online presence and sharing one's own creations on the internet. That mentality, I think, bleeds over into feelings of entitlement in creative communities. Entitlement to other people's time, to people's attention, to people's promotion, and when one doesn't get that, the problems start: (best to worst =) transactional interaction, badmouthing, hate anons, public bashing, and the list goes on. I've definitely been someone who has been upset by people's lack of interaction. I've responded with "oh, I'm not reblogging until they reblog mine" more than once. We all know that I've been involved with badmouthing and publicly bashing others. I continue to be very ashamed of this, and I am honest with myself about what I've done and how I got there in my journey working through my problems and making meaningful change in my life.

Anyway, point is - I'm trying to divorce myself from the entitlement, and I think to do that I need to divorce myself from the notion that we exist as a community. I've put far too much effort into that idea, and it's gotten me absolutely nowhere. There are more people who dislike me than not. Most just straight-up ignore me. I deserve it, sure, but (or maybe and) I have no intention of continuing to engage in a space that either doesn't exist or where I'm not wanted. I've felt anxious and upset at the mere thought of going on Tumblr the past few months. It hasn't been bringing me joy anymore, and that was the whole point of it. There's so much bad blood associated with being on here, but I love writing. I love this show. I can't give up something that makes me so happy in every respect other than this one site.

So I've taken some time off, reassessed the way I'm intending to use this space, and I've essentially decided that I started it for me so I'm going to do it for me. I'm going to interact with who I want and post what I want and damn absolutely everyone who tries to police me (of which there has been A LOT - apparently I have a "responsibility" to support others which I now know is actually code for "I'm jealous that you're getting any kind of attention online, so instead of addressing my issue with this, I'm going to vaguepost about/anon/DM you to try and guilt you into giving my work attention so that maybe it'll transfer to me").

For the casual peruser, no change at all. But I'm done giving my effort to the idea of 'community'. It doesn't exist, or I don't belong. I am going to do what makes me happy now, and only what makes me happy. That's the whole point. I'm sick of focusing on negatives. I'm sick of posting about them, to be honest. I think this mindset will do me good.

If you've gotten this far, I hope that it's okay that I've decided this. I'm feeling positive about it!

#personal updates

17 notes · View notes

insipid-drivel · 2 months ago

Text

To All Those That Have Reached Out

It's been a very bad few weeks, and I haven't exactly tried to be subtle about it on tumblr lately. I've gotten tired of bottling up the persecutions and backhanded slaps from my brother and sister from the entire world, and tumblr is one of the few platforms I'll vent about them on.

Sincerely, thank you to those people - mutuals, followers, and outright strangers alike - who reached out to me over these past awful few weeks. I haven't had the ability to get back to everyone yet because my health is taking a nosedive again and I haven't been able to expend the kind of emotional energy to communicate and get back to everyone quickly without risking another backslide. I need surgery soon, and I'm trying my hardest to lower my stress levels and focus on my health. I'm autistic, so overshooting my social energy can really be bad for my general health.

From offers to doordash groceries to my house, to offers just to listen, I've wept over the amount of concern and compassion that I've received over the past days. I am not exaggerating, to those who have sent me a message, that your shared sympathies, concerns, advice, and care have been above and beyond anything I've received from my siblings in over 10 years. Backdraft is a helluva symptom when you've been taught from childhood to believe your very birth was the cause of your older sibling to hate and abuse you. My sister resents me for being born and taking my mom's attention away from her (she has openly admitted this to our mother), while my brother resents me for my mental and physical disabilities and has taken to taking his angst and childish pettiness out on our mother as a way of punishing me. I've been ashamed of the little brother I spent so much of my life devoted to bringing up well that I barely recognize him anymore.

I was recently taught the phrase, "Never hold water for your oppressors, because they will never let you have a drink," and I've been taking it to heart. I hate to think of my brother and sister as oppressors or anything but people I want more than anything to see how much I've sacrificed, changed, endured, and given up out of love for them, but staying on the island they've marooned me on will only result in a sad end when I have the opportunity to set my own sails for other waters. Even my mother has washed her hands of my siblings, feeling just as used and taken advantage of by them as I've felt unfairly persecuted and judged. My siblings are extremely myopic, self-centered, and selfish people that never deserved the time and effort I put in to showing them how much I loved and cared for them.

I'm thankful to have grown up as part of one of the generations that celebrates found family, because it's made it impossible for me to feel completely hopeless about the future.

Opening up to one of my best and only friends of over 10 years has resulted in what may turn out to be a happy change. My mom and I would benefit from another person in the house, and after several tense and nerve-wracking talks with him, my best friend will be visiting for a couple of weeks soon. Given that he's queer and his is one of the states that flipped red this past horrifying election while I live in Washington, it just seems to make sense that we at least meet up in a safe state and see how we go together and if he likes it here.

My mom is thrilled to the point of practically flying to him herself and carrying him piggy-back here overnight. She's an incredibly stoic person in the face of abuse, but I know my brother's disrespect and outright rudeness to her recently has been hurting her.

I can't wait for when my friend visits and if he finds he wants to settle here, either as a housemate or in his own place (although real estate prices are skyrocketing in WA right now due to a rush of former red-staters fleeing here in the wake of November 6th's election results). We met here on tumblr not long after I first joined the site to promote and work on a webcomic series I was involved in at the time, and our friendship turned out to outlive the comics. I'm very excited for the opportunity to see him and spend face-to-face time with someone I've loved like another brother for years.

Things are still bumpy, and if you haven't heard from me after messaging me, please know that I've probably seen your messages and taken them to heart. My dark spells still come and go, and there are times where I still get trapped in feeling hopeless and lonely, but I'm working on it.

#personal #update

18 notes · View notes

archivalofsins · 5 months ago

Text

This is going to be out of the blue to just post but I want to say something on it without going into too much detail.

(TW: Suicide, Suicide ideation)

Most people don't care about suicide or suicide ideation. Like legitimately they don't care. It has become such a common point of conflict in fiction that the best one will get in real life is a "I'm sorry you feel that way" or someone claiming that the person saying it is lying, faking, just being dramatic.

At worse a person will tell someone else to do it as an attempt to call them on their bluff.

These are all literal responses I have received to this issue not hyperbole by the way. So, it was funny to me when people took Haruka's threat made at himself in order to leverage the affection people felt towards him for personal gain seriously. Because it continues to highlight the fact that the only time people can take suicide seriously is when the topic is being discussed in a work of fiction.

Yet, in real life people are more than willing to ignore and dismiss issues pertaining to it. Another example I had someone literally tell me that they wouldn't really be concerned unless I wrote a suicide note because unless it gets that far it's not that serious it's just talk. That's how common it is for people to just use suicide ideation and the concept of it as a threat with no intention of following through. It's to the point that people will just go,

"Oh you're depressed well I'll worry like the second before you're going to do something about it."

This is what makes Haruka's threat difficult and aggravating for me to discuss personally as well. Because to me it's clear that he doesn't have the desire to do what he said he would. Plus, people can find it in their hearts to give this sort of attention and worry to a fictional character but if you call a suicide prevention hotline in the US they can just hang up on you. They did this to my friend like three times. That's how dismissed this is. Someone will tell me,

"Call the suicide prevention hotline."

Then I'll have to go no I don't think I want to be degraded and blamed for my circumstances over the phone then hung up on. I'd rather literally do anything else. I could go buy a cake and that would be more beneficial to my mental health than doing what was just suggested.

The contrast between how people treat the idea of suicide in fiction versus those struggling with suicide ideation in reality is really disgusting actually.

It bothers me a great deal. Because it's been used as a plot point in fiction to the extent that no one knows how to handle it in real life. The concept has been so fictionalized that it's become this outlandish situation. So much so that well meaning people think oh that sort of thing only happens in stories, we all talk about it from time to time but no one is serious. Because,

"I'm never serious when I say that. So, this person can't be either."

This leads to people who do struggle with this genuinely to more likely be treated like liars or as though they're just being dramatic. So, that threat and how it was received really annoyed me on a personal level.

Yet no one really talks about how that aspect of the story was done and illustrated. I haven't really seen anyone saying Milgram kind of treats this topic as a way to raise the stakes for shock value instead with the seriousness it deserves. Honestly it's a really human response overall and I'm not trying to say it was bad of the team to add and explore the concept.

However, the lack of questioning at its inclusion to me does serve to highlight a reoccurring bias when it comes to heavy topics in fiction in contrast to how those same issues are regarded in reality.

In the real world when conversations around suicide arise- Do people keep the same energy they're willing to extend to a fictional life? Do they show the same concern and consideration to the people they claim to love? Or do they dismiss it, do they get offended, do they disbelieve it and shut down, or just run away?

Based on my experiences I would say that most people don't handle the topic with the same severity when presented with it in their own lives. This is something Yamanaka touches on in Caligula Effect Overdose with Shogo's story. A guy who literally could have done anything but decided to do nothing while a person close to him made it abundantly clear that they were going to commit suicide. Even going to the point of asking Shogo to do it with them.

Giving him the time and place they'd do it at.

Then instead of telling someone or going to stop them. He just does nothing actually doesn't do a damn thing. He just runs home really and prays they don't do it I guess. Hopes this is just them being dramatic again. It wasn't just them being dramatic again and he regrets not doing anything deeply. So it's not as though Yamanaka is unaware of how people tend to respond to suicide ideation with dismissiveness and denial.

Or how people respond to wrongs in general with dismissiveness and denial. Even when there is something they can do about it by just speaking up. That's shown again with the guard in the first Milgram novel. The entire first novel highlights how complacent the every day person is with being a bystander. How okay people are with others getting hurt as long as they can say they didn't do anything themselves.

As long as their hands are still clean.

He then highlights this again with Mu who states in her second voice drama that she never did any of the bullying herself. Even going as far as to have Es go,

"Yeah you just had others do it for you."

Again what makes you less culpable- Does it matter if you didn't do it with your own hands if you wanted it to happen and instigated it?

Then the fanbase itself is really hypocritical about suicide as a whole. Saying that what Mahiru did was less bad than everyone else simply because her victim might have killed themselves- Then turning around and going we have to vote Mu Innocent so Haruka doesn't kill himself. Like what the actual fuck why does that matter? Especially when half of the people here are debating that if the prisoner's victims killed themselves that makes them less responsible overall and not murderers.

Yet as soon as the same logic is used for a character one likes suddenly if Haruka dies those who voted Mu guilty are to blame. Nobody forced him to make that threat. That's a choice he made. If he doesn't want to commit to it he's within his right not to. Also that would mean everyone here who was given the convenient excuse of not directly killing their victim because instead their victims committed suicide are also still responsible for that. Regardless of whether they directly got their hands dirty or not.

Because pushing someone to the point where they think killing themselves is the only solution will always be a bad thing. Especially when some make it clear in their videos that it was their intent to do this.

Like Mu with the fucking board,

Hanging or stabbed?? Which will it be~

Since people don't really seem to take suicide that seriously or even consider that vulnerable individuals can be manipulated into taking their own lives at all- It's unsurprising to see it being treated as smaller than what other prisoners have done.

Luckily in this case legally some parts of the US (law on this varies on a state level) have deemed causing someone or encouraging them to commit suicide comparable to murder.

Then there's this entire well known case in the states which is summarized beneath if you don't want to watch the video,

"In addition to these laws, in a high-profile Massachusetts case involving encouraging suicide through text messages, a teen girl was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter as a youthful offender in connection with her boyfriend’s suicide. As summarized in the state court decision upholding her conviction, in a series of text messages with her boyfriend, “the defendant encouraged the victim to kill himself, instructed him as to when and how he should kill himself, assuaged his concerns over killing himself, and chastised him when he delayed doing so.” She was found guilty under the legal theory that her actions amounted to “wanton or reckless conduct” which caused the victim’s death (Commonwealth v. Carter, 474 Mass. 624 (2016)). She later sought review in the U.S. Supreme Court, alleging that her conviction violated her First Amendment rights, but the Court declined to hear her appeal (U.S. Supreme Court orders, January 13, 2020, page 4). Earlier this year, she was released from prison, having served part of her 15-month sentence and earning time off her sentence for good behavior."

I'm inclined to agree with the decision some states have made to consider doing things like this a crime comparable to man slaughter and first degree murder. I had to watch that case unfold and hear the texts about it. It was used as a reason to more heavily monitor texts of children and crack down on communicating online which wasn't a concern of mine because I barely used the internet socially. Yet, still this case could not be escaped. Everyone was discussing it for one reason or another.

However, in most cases the person doing this can be proven to have the active intent to end someone else's life albeit in a very indirect way.

Also asking, "Are you still alive?" doesn't look that good when you have this context. As it can come off as hurry up, when are you going to do it- Instead of a question of genuine concern.

Just throwing that out there-

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

Then given the fact Haruka responds to her questions with first apologizing and then stating he's still trying to figure out how to do it. Does not make this come off any better than it already did.

Also in the US threatening suicide or harm to oneself in order to obtain something such as in,

"If you don't x then I'm going to commit suicide."

Is a well known form of manipulation and emotional abuse predominantly exploited in domestic violence situations. How are some people not understanding something that South Park was able to display. I guess that's just how little people care about this topic outside of personal entertainment reasons.

That's all I can guess at this point given my experiences. But yeah this one has been bothering me for a good while actually. For obvious reasons. It's just so dismissive of a real problem and Mu blatantly admits she is the type to downplay this serious issue in both her first and second song,

"Just one more time before saying goodbye- I’m just kidding, please forget I said that." -

She presents herself as being suicidal while having a joke about her victim committing suicide on the board and on her victim's desk. Because putting flowers on a persons desk over there is a way of telling the person to kill themselves.

"Thanks for all the fun times we’ve had! The flowers are a present for you!"

"Why won’t you stop hurting me?"

"I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

Yeah this definitely isn't the behavior of someone who claims to care about mental health and bullying only when it serves them at all. She's only displayed making fun of suicide multiple times in one song guys. Oh and then she completely weaponizes Haruka's suicide threat in her voice drama as soon as Es says they may change her verdict based on what they find out here,

I sure have understood that talking to you isn't getting me anywhere. But I guess I'll take your little explanation into consideration.

"Ah- But if you don't forgive me Haruka-kun will die, so I think it'd be best to not do that."

...!

Then goes on to absolve herself of anything to do with Haruka's decision as soon as Es asks why she's not doing anything to stop him despite knowing this.

So you've heard about that nonsense, too?

"Mhm! Haruka-kun told me. So I could rest easy, according to him. That made me happy... It made me really feel our friendship!"

You know about it and you're not trying to stop him? Haruka that is?

"Why would I? Haruka-kun says that's what he wants, so there's nothing I can do, right?"

But you're calling him your friend.

"Isn't it exactly because he's my friend? Isn't friendship about letting your friends do the stuff they want?"

...

"Are you planning to tell me that's not what friendship is? Then what is it then? It's about sticking together because it's beneficial for everyone involved, isn't it?"

I don't think Haruka is benefitting from that at all.

"No way... It's not like you'd know what's good for him."

... You sure are tough to beat.

"I really don't get what it is you're trying to say, warden-san. Haruka-kun is free to decide what he wants, and I'm not doing anything wrong. It's not like I asked him to do that!"

It is kind of funny that she's like it's not like I asked him to do that and Haruka's out here like to fulfill the promise I made with Mu. Something that heavily implies they did have a conversation about this and made some sort of deal on it but I'm digressing.

Well, that's it she can't stop Haruka. Because it's his choice. It's what he wants to do and she's just supporting him. Just going in making sure he eats and being helpful. It's not Mu's fault if anything happens to Haruka it's not like she forced him to do anything. In the same vein that the audiences verdict didn't force him to do anything.

Haruka put that stipulation all on himself.

Nobody forced or manipulated him into making that decision it was a conclusion he came to himself. A threat he decided to make and a deal like any other deal a prisoner has tried to make with the guards. Nothing we can do about it he just has to lie in the bed he made.

Nobody told him to make it that way but he did.

The only one who can decide what to do for him is him. Unless a lot of people want to get real uncomfortable and start discussing how they not only treat suicide in media but in real life. Though that would require thinking and you know what Mu says about that,

"Anyway... I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe, too. Ah, actually, couldn't you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won't run amok and you won't have to think about all the difficult stuff. "

...That is...a very enticing proposal.

"Right? Hah, hehehe."

Abandoning all thinking... How nice it would be if I could just do that.

"...If you ask me I don't really get why you don't do it..."

If you don't think about all the difficult stuff life gets a lot easier. It's not as messy and you don't have to reckon with all the manipulative things people are capable of. Just don't think and it'll work out.

It's easy to think of suicide ideation and the concept of suicide itself in such a black and white way. As someone else's choice and not a byproduct of their environment or current life circumstances weighing on them. If it's just a personal choice that no one can ever be manipulated into then so many cases in Milgram become cleaner.

I just think it's funny how that stops being a personal choice as soon as it can impact a character that one likes. Even if that character choose to threaten themselves very openly. But again I guess to a lot of people like Haruka and Mu, believe suicide only matter as much as one can weaponize it to get something they want.

Any other time it's not even worth the stress. So, why think that hard about it?

#tw suicide ideation #tw suicide mention

14 notes · View notes

auschizm · 6 months ago

Note

This is just a ramble about medical neglect:

I’ve followed the schizophrenia dialogue for a few weeks now and I’m beginning to have another one of those “oh so that’s what they label it as” moments that I’ve had with basically all my labels. I’ve always had these differences and in some form been aware of them. But one of my biggest difficulties is communicating. I’m not non verbal but I do think I fall on a minimally verbal spectrum and language in general feels like shoving putty through the gears of my brain. So even though I try and tell anyone and everyone my symptoms they are at best downplayed or ignored. I’ve always been hyper aware of how I feel about certain things and have gotten really good at accommodating myself. But that only came after late realizations to things that where hurting me severely. Panic attacks taking me out of extra curricular, depression stopping me from going to school, adhd making me unable to focus in school, autism making me unable to hold meaningful relationships (at least with the people I know), being queer and trans making it hard to relate to peers. It’s always been a matter of my body and mental capacity being pushed beyond where it can go, a break down and slump, realizing and research on my own, and then learning to cope and accommodate myself. It’s happened so many times that I’ve built up a decent foundation for survival but doing it alone means there are deep cracks. I’m so tired all of the time and the idea that I can’t keep pushing past my exhaustion was itself exhausted years ago. I have to keep pushing, I’m the only one putting time and energy into myself so if I stop, I fall, immediately. It’s been a terrifying way to live life. Especially now, my last break down being trapped in a house in the dessert with several not well people, experiencing immense psychosis and ending up homeless for months after. I’m in an apartment and significantly better now, I’m also learning the symptoms I’ve been experiencing, that can’t be explained already, sound a whole lot like schizophrenia. I’m not sure where to go from here, I never really have. I’ve never had proper medical attention before. There where times when even obvious physical injury’s where ignored by family and professionals, addressing anything mental has been impossible. I have a therapist now but I can’t even get them to agree with me about depression, so we only work on material improvement. I’m exhausted, I love myself and I deserve better than this, but I can’t do much better.

Thank you for raising awareness, it’s genuinely made my life easier and I appreciate you a lot. Would you have any ideas for non medical accommodations for living with schizophrenia. It’s okay if not

I am so sorry that you haven't received the support and accommodations you've needed, and I am really impressed that you have managed to care for and stand up for yourself regardless. That's very impressive and inspiring. And depending on the details of your experience with schizophrenia, it might not be particularly helpful to medicalize it. Because as you've clearly already noticed, often the people who are supposed to help you don't actually help much, professionals included. And while there are definitely situations where a label like schizophrenia is a necessary evil, it is also a target that can make you vulnerable to various kinds of discrimination and bigotry. I am not telling you not to seek medical help, but I strongly encourage you to think it through first. Even though I unfortunately can't write you a guide to coping with schizophrenia on the spot.

#auschizm convos

10 notes · View notes

jungkookslipring · 1 year ago

Text

I Will Never Make You Lonely: CH 2

Summary: When your life is falling apart, your 8 best friends are there to lift you up

TW: mentions of de&th, su!c!de, su!c!de tendencies, su!c!dal ideologies, depress!on, anxiety, crying. If this is in any way triggering I’d steer towards more of my happier works.

If you or someone you love has thought of or acted on suicide, there is help and there is hope

Call or text 988

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, non-idol AU

PSA: this is no way represents the artists. While their birth names are used in this story, this is in no way a reflection of the artist or artists in real life.

AU: this chapter is a little more lighthearted, but I wanted to add the trigger warnings just in case.

there is a tickle scene in here, so if it's not your cup of tea you are more than welcome to skip this chapter.

Ch 2

The last seven days have felt slow and dreadful, and all you could do was work. You were currently in the fourth week of your final quarter with midterms coming up soon. Although your friends have their own school work to worry about, they are starting to become worried about you. You haven't shown any signs of emotion since you received that phone call.

You would spend 12 to 16 hours each day reading, writing, deleting, and editing. However, when it was time for bed, you couldn't sleep. And even if you managed to sleep, you would have very vivid nightmares. As a result, more than half of the time, you would keep yourself busy by burning through homework assignments and projects.

Sometimes the guys would bring you food, drinks, or snacks because they knew you wouldn’t do it yourself, and you were now approaching a no-sleep streak of almost 72 hours. You truly didn’t know how you were still functioning, and they didn’t know either. One evening you were sitting at your windowsill, reading yet another case study. You closed your eyes for a split second before your heart nearly jumped out of your butt when Hyunjin, Han, and Minho burst into your room. You stared at them with your hand over your chest.

"What. the actual fuck is happening?" you ask trying to catch your breath. Hyunjin grabbed your textbook and Han grabbed a hold of your hands.

"Friday night movie night! Don't tell me you were going to skip!" Han said full of energy. Right, movie night. On any given day they would jump on your bed and quite literally drag you away from whatever you were doing so you could all binge-watch movies until the early AM, but Chris had warned them to leave you alone because you were studying. That didn't work out so well.

"If you want to study you can, we just thought you deserved a break," Minho said kindly. Han stood there swinging your arms side to side, patiently waiting for an answer.

"You haven't taken a proper break for days, y/n, and sleeping doesn't count as a break, which we know you haven't gotten a whole lot of either," Hyunjin said as he thumbed the dark circle under your eye gently. You exhaled and closed your eyes. All the shock mixed with not getting any sleep was not only mentally draining but also physically.

“I’m fine, I don’t sleep a whole lot anyways,” you said, shrugging it off, but if you spent the rest of the night studying, you were going to collapse, and the boys knew that. They suggested that you take a nice hot shower and meet them in the living room for some much-needed best-friend time. Seungmin was already on a mission to get your shower bomb that made the entire bathroom smell super citrusy and lit a candle to provide a little bit of light so that the overhead light wasn't so bright. After the shower, you walked into the bedroom and saw a pair of folded pajamas that were warm from just being pulled out of the dryer and placed on the bed. You felt so much love for those boys. There was a gentle knock at the door once you were dressed.

“Come in,” you called out. The door cracked open as Minho poked his head in the door frame.

“I made soup if you would like any,” he said sweetly. You gave him a smile as you whispered “Thank you”. He had sad eyes and a kind smile, he knew (they all knew) how hard you were taking everything. Minho slowly pushed past the door and walked up to you.

“Aigoo…” he whispered as he cupped your face, studying your features.

“You must be exhausted." You nodded and looked down at the floor.

“Would you like to eat? Even if it’s just a bite or two?” he asked. You nodded slowly as he carefully took a handful of your sweater paw and led you out of your bedroom. As you stepped out of the hallway into the kitchen, you noticed that the boys were scattered in the living room. They were having soup while the TV was on low volume, making sure not to be too loud. When you walked in, they greeted you with sweet smiles. Minho handed you a bowl of soup and led you to the couch. Changbin patted the spot between him and Han, inviting you to sit. You weren't sure which movie they had picked, but it managed to distract you. After you finished your soup, Han took your bowl while Changbin snuggled you close to his side. Han came back and stroked your hair while cooing at the both of you.

“Our baby,” he said sweetly.

“She’s not a baby, she’s older than you,” Changbin jokingly sassed at Han. Han put a hand over his heart and made the most extra gasp he had ever made. You giggled and patted Changbin’s hand.

“I’m older than you too you know,” you say while trying to hide a smile. Everyone in the room burst out laughing as Changbin gave you a look of betrayal.

“By two months!” he squawked at you as he began to poke your sides. You giggled as you buried yourself further between Changbin and the couch cushions, trying to get away from Changbin’s hands.

“Oh no, you’re not going anywhere missy!” Changbin laughed as he pulled you onto his lap. He held you in his arms as he squeezed your side with one hand.

“Bihihin quit ihihihihit,” you giggled trying to fold in on yourself. Your arms were trapped under his so your whole midsection was exposed while Han grabbed a hold of your ankles to hold you down. You squeaked when Chris got on the couch, plopping himself right next to your hips, and pressed his fingers into your tummy, turning your giggles to laughter.

“Awww there’s that laugh we love so much, tickle tickle tickle,” he teased as his eyes turned into beautiful little crescents.

“YOU GUYHAHAHAHA YOU GUYS ARE SO BAHAHAHAHAD!” You threw your head back on Changbin’s shoulder as you continued to squeal while the boys cooed at your reaction. As the movie played on, three of the boys tickled and teased you while the rest looked on with adoration. It was heartwarming to see you smile again since they had missed it. After a few minutes, Chris and Changbin stopped tickling you, and you resumed cuddling with Changbin while Han kept your feet on his lap and tapped a beat on your calves. The group ended up having a movie marathon, with occasional pokes and squeezes from Changbin and Han.

As your favorite movie played on, Changbin noticed that you were starting to fall asleep on his chest. He began to play with your hair, alternating between massaging your head, rubbing his hand up and down your back, and gently running his fingers through your hair. The soft touches on your head and back and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat helped you fall into a peaceful sleep. Once you were asleep, Changbin nudged Han and pointed to you, indicating that you were out. Han quietly cooed at you and signaled everyone else that you were asleep. By the time the last movie had ended, it was almost 9 p.m., and Chris suggested that everyone should rest. Changbin picked you up and carried you to your bed without waking you up. He tucked you in, gave you a soft kiss on the forehead, turned off the lights, and closed the door.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Stay tuned for CH 3!

taglist: @felixmainacc @felixburneracc @myforevermelody143 @dunno-wut-to-do @itzsana-kiddingmenow

#stray kids #stray kids x stay #stray kids fluff #skz fanfic #stray kids tickle #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids hurt/comfort #skz #skz scenarios #skz imagines #non idol au #stray kids college au #college au #hurt/comfort

50 notes · View notes

toast-tales · 1 year ago

Text

I Lava You, Chapter 2: Addiction Enabled

Read Chapter 1 here!

Cover art by @luckyshotwrites!

This short story takes place after P39 of ITWOM and as such, contains minor spoilers for ITWOM - read at your own risk! You do NOT need to have read WIDFALI to enjoy this story!

This story is cowritten with the amazing, fantastic @luckyshotwrites and uses the minor character June from their ongoing vore story What I'd Do For A Livable Income. It's chock full of monsters, magic, goofs, and absolutely fantastic worldbuilding and characters. Give it a shot if you haven't yet!

Contains: references to g/t soft, safe vore and language. About 1300 words.

Chapter 2: Addiction Enabled

Even if this had secretly been their plan all along, June hadn’t intended it to go like this. They’d been planning on pacing themselves—maybe a few sips, and then wait a bit more before having more later.

He had no choice but to absorb it all into his body and quickly climb back out. He was about fifteen feet tall now, maybe taller. In a hurry now, he screwed the cap back on.

He could feel the soft vibrations across the surface of the shelf, telling him that Sam was getting closer. He forced his body to assimilate the lava lamp liquid and convert it to energy, without being able to enjoy its glow.

Suddenly, Sam came back into the room, and he had to stop the energy transfer. He still looked human, of course, just…taller by about two feet now.

He hoped Sam wouldn’t notice.

“A-ah—you’re back, Sam! My friend!" His lip quivered. He felt bad for emptying the pretty glowing lamp so fast. “That sure looks tasty, wh-what did you make?”

Sam had their mouth open to take a bite of their ramen when they stopped and blinked, their eyes drawn first to the human, then to the lava-less lava lamp behind them. Then they blinked again.

I’m not even high yet. Right? Maybe I was supposed to cook that egg after all.

“H-hey little buddy.” They walked over to the shelf like they were in a daze, staring at the empty lamp with a mesmerized, empty sort of look as they contemplated the stability of their mental faculties. “You didn’t. Um. See what happened here, did you?”

It didn’t leak out, it would be everywhere. It’s completely empty. Am I going crazy?

June couldn’t make eye contact with Sam. “Uh-um—” I didn’t expect Sam to ask me! He tried to come up with a plausible excuse.

“Well—I—” June looked at the empty, incriminating container next to him. What should I say? Humans don’t normally eat that.

June lowered his head and tugged at the shirt of his uniform. “I’m sorry, I-I thought it was really pretty and drank some…all of it. I—” June looked up sincerely, “I didn’t mean to, I only meant to drink a little bit!” He walked up to the edge of the shelf and pitched his offer, “I will buy you a new one!” He knew he shouldn't have admitted to drinking it and risk exposing himself as anything but human—but he couldn’t lie to Sam. He didn’t want to be mean.

Sam’s eyes widened in shock. They weren’t exactly versed in taking care of humans—that was the kind of thing they left up to dealers. Christopher, mostly. But they were at least fairly sure that humans weren’t supposed to be able to eat whatever the hell was in lava lamps. Probably.

Then again, they’d never seen what humans eat.

They stared at June with a look that was as dumbstruck as it was in awe of this human’s abilities, a grin creeping up onto their face despite their initial confusion. “Holy shit. I didn’t know humans could do that. You drank the whole thing? THAT’S BONKERS.” They laughed, poking at the human a little as if they expected it to burst. “How’d you do it? You’re like. So tiny still.”

Wait, wait. Um. Is this human safe to eat now? Should I call Chris and ask? …nah, he’d probably yell at me or something. Or tell me to give him the human.

June prepared himself for some well deserved yelling. He should not have eaten a glowy thing in front of a human, giant or not. He should have asked Sam first.

Lucky for him, Sam didn’t look mad.

June released a soft sigh of relief and smiled back at Sam, especially after they poked him. It seemed the giant hadn’t recognized June was a little puffier and taller than before. Nice! I still look human.

“Yeah! Humans can do that! Mhm!” June said, nodding fervently. “And I have a fast…metabolism, that’s why!” Yes, some humans have that. That’s believable.

Sam was far too trusting for their own good, which was a dangerous combination with their stunning lack of human knowledge. Humans are fucking CRAZY. I HAVE to ask Chris about this later.

“I have got to see you do that again. Shit, I’ll go to town tomorrow and get another one. What else do you eat?”

June blinked a few times. Wait. Okay! Hold on. They didn’t freak out? And THEY SAID THEY WANT TO SEE ME EAT MORE?

June hopped around dangerously close to the edge of the shelf with glee. Thankfully, he kept his balance enough not to fall.

“I eat…well, I’m not very picky. My taste buds don’t work the same as—” he cut himself off and hummed, nearly blowing his cover. “As most people’s do. They were like this since I was born so—I uh, can’t taste things super well like normal humans, humans like me,” he chuckled. Be careful June! Remember, Sam’s a giant human, I can’t say anything too incriminating. I’m a human! I’m a human!

He tried to quickly switch the topic. “When you go to get a new one, take me with you and I will pay for it!” June said. He imagined seeing another lovely-colored one. I can resist the temptation. June told himself. He couldn't buy Sam a new one just to eat it instantly.

He tipped toward the edge again, squinting to look at Sam's noodles. The thoughts of the radioactive glow of the lava lamp filled his mind. What if they're illuminated noodles?

Sam’s mind was on lava lamps, and they were still staring at the empty one. They did not notice June teetering inches away from a very long fall.

“You’ve got money, little dude?” Their head cocked in confusion at June mentioning “paying” for it. They weren’t sure where a human would get money. Or where they’d carry it, even. But Sam was broke, and they’d take an offer of financial assistance where they could. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and all that.

Since their hunger had ebbed, it was easier to talk to the human without getting the urge to stuff it in their mouth. And Sam was fascinated with this human now…perhaps even more so than they were wanting to eat them. For now.

June nodded. “Oh yeah, I have a lot of money with my current job.” He tapped at his uniform, though he realized he wasn’t wearing his hat anymore.

“I have enough to buy you…two lava lamps!” He said two with seemingly unwarranted gusto. How much would a magnificent object like that cost? The next thought struck him like a Honda Civic—how many varieties of lava lamps are there?!? He puffed up his cheeks. No, June, don't distract yourself. Lava lamps are for Sam, not me. He punctuated that internal monologue with a firm nod.

“Humans have jobs?” Sam muttered out loud. I mean…huh. I guess Chris mentioned some sort of human city, didn’t he?

Sam puzzled over this question of theirs. “Do you make human money, or…giant money?”

Of course June would say human money, but what was the difference between human and giant human money? He was still oblivious to the fact that Sam was in no way human.

“Human…money?” June replied, tilting his head up. “Is there a difference? Or…oh! Did I somehow end up in a different country?" There was a pause. What country do I live in again? "Is this the…United States?”

Sam stared back at the human, unblinking and now thoroughly confused. “The united what?”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Chapter 3 ->

Uh-oh! Will things clear up from here? Or will there be another series of increasingly improbable misconceptions? Only time will tell.

Thank you for reading!

#i lava you #widfalitwom #widfali #itwom #oc sam #widfali june #gt vore #g/t vore #g/t vore story #safe vore #sfw vore #nonsexual vore #vore writing #vore stories

43 notes · View notes

runwithwolvcs · 1 year ago

Text

Right Where You Left Me

Hold Me Down

I’ve never been more thankful for a spare class, even though I know it was given to me out of pity. It gives me time to catch up on the school work I’ve been slacking on between being in the hospital and all these incessant nightmares.

Though today, I have spent it daydreaming. It's been nearly a week since I’ve seen Paul and it is starting to take a toll on me mentally.

Kim had said there had been issues over the weekend and I still haven't heard from him, nor has he been home.

I spot the one person I’ve been meaning to talk to walk out of the science building and know that now would be the best time, considering I’ve got no wolves hovering around me to piss her off.

“Leah, wait!” I call after her, leaving my belongings behind to chase after her.

The older woman turned back with a look of annoyance, “What do you want?”

“I just thought maybe we could catch up, it's been a while.” I say softly.

Leah shifts her weight from one foot to the other, crossing her arms in front of her chest, “Have you finally come to your senses?”

“About what?” I furrow my brows.

“Don’t act stupid. About Sam!” Leah snapped at me, “You’re one of them now! My mom told me Paul wouldn’t even leave your side when you were in the hospital, she said it was cute.”

She spit out the word cute as if it were the most disgusting thing she had heard, before continuing her rant, “By the way, a dog attack? Everyone else may have bought that, but I’m not.”

I folded my arms across my chest, this was not the way I wanted this conversation to go. Leah and I never fight, but I’m not going to let her spew hate about Paul, or the rest of the pack for that matter, “What's that supposed to mean?”

“It means you should’ve taken my advice and just left him alone. Now look at you, lying for him!” She practically shouted at me.

“I’m not lying!” I said, matching her energy, “You don’t know him like you think you do.”

“No, but I know you. You’re too empathetic.” Leah said, scrunching her nose up. I frown at her judgement. She wasn't complaining about my empathy when I was the shoulder she was crying on about Sam.

“What? Do you want me to be more like you?” I shot back, adding, “At least I can forgive people when they deserve it.”

Leahs jaw dropped, “You think Sam deserves it? Fuck you.”

“I’m not talking about Sam! I could care less if you forgive him.” I rolled my eyes. Sam was complicated, I know that now. Between turning into a giant wolf, and imprinting on Emily, it was a recipe for disaster. I don’t agree with him just straight up ignoring Leah, and getting Paul to do the same to me, but I’m sure being the alpha of a pack with no one to guide him, is a stressful job.

“Then who?” She asked, placing her hands on her hips in an annoyed stance.

“Me!” I nearly shouted, “I used to be able to talk to you about anything, I still want to! But you’re pushing your hatred for Sam onto me. It’s not fair.”

“You ditched me for him.” Leah accused and now it was my turn for my jaw to drop. I hadn’t been around, sure, but I was still figuring things out with Paul and then the whole hospital situation didn’t leave really any room for time with Leah, but she never even messaged me. I would have responded, I always do.

“I didn’t, I never would. It’s just complicated because of Paul, but I think you would like him if you got to know him. The way I know him.” I tried to explain, but Leah just scoffed. The onslaught of tears was coming, I could feel them. I felt like I was breaking up with my best friend. This hurt more than Tessa dropping me because of the gang rumor, which, now that I’ve thought about it, she probably had a hand in spreading.

Leah sneered, “Fat chance of that happening. I’m not running in that crowd.”

I nod, wiping the first tear to fall. There was no use in arguing with her. Leah was as stubborn as she was loyal, I’m just no longer on the list of people she keeps close.

“Guess I’ll see you around then..” I mumbled tearfully.

“Kia,” She said softly, “I’ll be here when you need it. It may seem like he's into you now, but he will kick you to the curb just like Sam did to me.”

I shook my head, knowing that wasn’t true. Oh, how I wish I could tell her their secret. I sigh and sniffle as I say, “He won’t.”

“I’ll see you around, Kia, you’re bodyguards waiting for you.” Leah said snarkily before turning on her heels. I looked over my shoulder to see Paul standing at the picnic table I had been doing homework at. A frown gracing his face as I walked towards him. I quickly wiped the tears that fell onto my cheeks.

“She doesnt know whats she talking about,”Paul said as I reached him, shaking his head as he mutters, “Leahs just a miserable--”

“She's my friend!” I cry, cutting him off and wrapping my arms around myself as the onslaught of tears finally comes.

Paul immediately pulled me in for a bear hug, “It's okay. She’ll see soon enough, mi estrella.”

“Estrella?” I question, not knowing the meaning of the Spanish word.

“Star.”He tells me, before placing a kiss on my hairline, “My favourite astrologer.”

I let myself sink into him more with a soft sigh. I never knew one person could make me feel so at peace, whenever I’m with Paul, he knows exactly how to take away my pain. Even if it's just for a little while. I tilt my head upwards to rest my chin on his chest, “I missed you so much.”

“Missed you too.” Paul grinned down at me, his hand leaving my hip to travel the length of my spine, “S’happy I can finally touch you again. That photo wasn’t doing you justice.”

“Nu uh, we need to talk about what happened.” I tell him. As much as I would love to hop in his truck and head to our little place of solace, he got himself in trouble. He hadn’t told me on the phone when he called, but Kim had messaged me the day after to let me know about his quick temper while I was gone.

She had said that Paul almost let his temper get the best of him while off hunting some vampire in the area, and then lost at Sam in his own home for not doing more to keep them off our land. I understand why, he usually had front row seats to my nightmares. The star of them is a single vampire with blood red eyes. I tried to keep them a secret, until Paul had forced me to tell him, thinking maybe he could help with telling the difference between what was real, and what wasn’t.

He grimaced and looked over my head, “Right now?”

“Kim told me,” I said softly “I just want to know your point of view.”

“I missed you.” He murmured, looking back down at me. I could see the disappointment in his eyes.

I stroked his cheekbone gently, “I missed you too.”

“When you’re not around, I feel…God, this sounds fucking stupid.” He grumbled with a shake of his head before letting go of me and sitting on the picnic bench. Paul was quick to pull me back into his arm and into his lap.

I brush his overgrown hair from his eyes, “Hey, don’t say that. I want to know how you feel, good or bad, you can talk to me.”

“I know. I’m trying.” He told me sincerely. I nodded encouragingly and he continued, “I feel like I don’t have an anchor..Nothing to hold onto when things get too…intense.”

“I understand, Paul.”

“As soon as it happened, all I thought about was you. What would you say to me? It helped a bit, but it wasn’t the same.” He opened up honestly, more than I had expected from him. Paul had gotten used to channelling his anger to his wolf, he had said that's what Sam had encouraged him to do before he had imprinted on me. Now, he's been asked to do a complete 180. “I guess..I sometimes worry that I’m disappointing you.”

“Me?” I asked, not sure why he would think that. It's almost impossible for him to disappoint me. For someone who had claimed he wasn’t ‘the relationship’ prior to the imprint, he was doing a hell of a lot better at it then I am. Even before, he always wanted to go do things together, I was fine just sneaking through his window. Neither of us are good at being vulnerable, but if I ask, he delivers, everytime.

“You were so happy when Sam finally said I didn’t need supervision anymore, and then I lost it. I hurt you.” He frowned at the memory, “It’s like I’m back at square one.”

I shake my head and hold his cheeks to bring his eyes back to mine, “That’s not true. I am so proud of you, okay? The little things matter too.”

“I don’t know. I’m working on it though, I promise.” Paul dips his head forward and pecks my lips, as if he's sealing that promise.

“Can I be honest with you?” I ask, and he nods as he pulls back, “I know you don’t like talking about it with me and I get it.You want us to be as normal as can be. But what you do for the tribe, would take a toll on anyone. That's why you have a pack. Lean on them when you need it, I’m sure they feel the same way you do.”

Pressing a kiss to my forehead, before murmuring, “I feel like the luckiest man alive with you in my arms.”

“I know the feeling.” I said as I tuck my head into the crook of his neck, placing a gentle kiss to the side of it, “You’re like a giant heating pad.”

He chuckled, “You know, I can feel when your cramps are bad.”

“Can you?” I sigh in contentment.

“It's dull, like everything else I feel from you. But I know you’re in pain.” He explains before he slides his hand to my lower back, spreading his palm over my spine. “It's always your back.”

“Remember when you used to think I was overexaggerating?” I poke at him with a teasing smile.

“I’m sorry.” He said genuinely, “I’ll make it up to you in a couple of days,,”

“A couple of days?” I ask, before moving to straddle him.

“Right now?” he wiggled his eyebrows, “I’m not afraid of a little blood.”

“Gross,” I cringe at the thought, “How ‘bout a kiss?”

“I’ll give you as many kisses as you’d like, pretty girl.” He mumbled before bringing his hand to the back of my neck to hold me in place as he brushed his lips against mine. I instantly bring my hands to his hair, indulging in the feeling that I’ve missed so much. One thing about Paul and I, we will always be a physical couple. Though there is the fine line we have never crossed, which is what to label ourselves. To everyone else, it looks like we are already dating and maybe we are. But the conversation has never happened, and I’m not sure it ever will. We’re partners. Have been for a while, and that will never change.

“I don’t want you to cut your hair.” I mumbled, tangling my fingers into the ends on the nape of his neck before bringing my lips back to his.

“You prefer when I'm neat.” He tutted against my lips.

I blush at his statement, before curling into his body for more heat.“Not the hair on your head, doofus.”

He chuckled, “I know, baby. I’ll keep it as long as I can manage.”

“Just enough to braid,” I suggested, “I miss doing that.”

“It's getting there,” he said, shaking his hair wildly. I couldn't help but giggle as I brushed it away from his eyes.

“So handsome.” I murmur, before bringing his head down and pressing my lips back to his once, “I could kiss you all day,”

“I won't stop you.” Paul said, squeezing my hip. “I have Friday night off, want to go to the look out?”

“We’ll need more blankets this time, my back has just recovered.” I said teasingly as I stroked the side of his face. We had found the lookout after an evening that went awry, both of our fathers had come home, leaving us with no bedroom. We drove around for a few hours before we found it. I remember joking that that was where he took all his favourite girls, and he promised it would just be our spot. Paul had even divulged in the information that he had cleaned the bed of his truck thoroughly, calling it brand new and untouched.It was loaded with blankets and pillows because he had been watching the weather, after I had told him I wanted to go stargazing at the beach. Though the lookout was a way better spot. No tourists, with an amazing few of the water below.

I think that's when I first realised I was falling for him, despite our no feelings agreement.

“I’ve got something even better.” He whispered before Paul nipped my ear gently.

“Hey, love birds! Not on school property!” Emily called from the window of her classroom. I giggled uncontrollably, mentally adding the picnic tables to the list of places Emily has told us PDA is unacceptable.

“She's everywhere, I swear.” Paul muttered, he was not a fan of all the rules and regulations of where and when he could touch all because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself at a pack dinner.

#paul lahote fanfic #paul lahote #paul lahote imagine #twilight wolf pack #paul lahote x oc

35 notes · View notes