#i haven't been this gay 2 u in like 7 years

[imisscherryboy-blog]

running back 2 u

enemies to lovers - football player! ajax x sports med! gn reader

part 1 part 3

spotify playlist (it’s good i swear)

3k words…………….💀

story: you and ajax have known each other since elementary school. those years haven't been always the best, as you both parted ways due to your differences in personality. that is, until one hot august night, where the stadium lights illuminate the turf, you find yourself running back to him again.

notes: !mature themes! (no smut) enemies to lovers, modern au, gender neutral reader, childe is referred to as ajax, last name tartaglia, american football, all characters are 18+ as seniors, highschool setting, part 2/3, gn reader, ajax is bi (since it’s gn), alhaitham and kaveh are gay, tbh kaveh kinda ooc imo, ajax is a bad boy ⛓️🥀 california coded

side characters featured: kaveh, alhaitham (alhaitham x kaveh), mona, albedo

warnings: mature themes, themes of sexual harassment (not described), reader almost gets kidnapped, drugs, alcohol, smoking, swearing, reader tells childe to kys (satire we in love w him)

★ part 2 of an ongoing series ★

ajax and his mom’s car drove further and further from the empty school. it was 11pm now, and you made your way back to the field to help clean up. the walk to the football field among the poorly lit school lights filled you with a sense of nostalgia—akin to how you first felt when you met ajax. you were snapped out of your thoughts as you saw kaveh jogging toward you.

“hey—you okay? what took so long?”

“oh boy.” this was gonna be a long night.

you drove kaveh and yourself to a nearby denny’s to debrief. you ordered pancakes and kaveh ordered probably the most, intricate, dish on the menu. over sharing food, you two both explained what happened while separated. you went first in retelling the events of taping him up to meeting his mom.

“he’s definitely not over you.” kaveh said taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

“dude, i feel like that’s such a mom thing to say though.” you argued.

“oh yeah my son talks about you 24/7 even though you haven’t talked in years!! let’s be serious y/n.” kaveh always knew had to make you laugh.

“i’ll think about it… but i wanna know what happened with you and alhaitham.” you tried to move the conversation away from yourself.

“you will never in a million years guess what happened.” kaveh said, loudly whispering.

“okay, so i won’t guess. what happened?”

“he gave me his number.” he said as his hands flew up to his face. “i’m still in shock.”

“oh my god.” you said, almost in disbelief.

“and that’s not all.. he invited me.. to a party. his party.” at this point, kaveh was practically standing up.

“don’t even lie..” you said.

“oh i’m not lying.” he took out his phone and showed an imessage thread of alhaitham sending kaveh a date and time, along with an address. your hands covered your mouth. he was serious. “and you’re coming with me.”

“yeah right.”

“oh, you’ll be there alright.”

you were there alright. the two of you stood outside the large house, viewing the students and strangers scattered across the lawn. it had been two weeks since the incident with ajax. not a word had been exchanged since then. but you cared more about kaveh, who has always been there for you, than some now stranger that presumably hates you. so you decided to accompany him. ajax and alhaitham were close, so you knew damn well you’d be in for a long night.

“well.. my future boyfriend is waiting inside. let’s go.” kaveh said as you both walked inside. it was a big house to say the least. alhaitham’s parents were some high ranking officials for the state school board, so they had money—and the ability to pull strings at any school they pleased.

“these high ceilings… and oh my god these exposed beams..” kaveh started to ramble on about the architecture of the house. he was into that stuff. you just nodded your head and pretended like you understood. you two walked to the drink table, and you both took a shot of pink whitney (it was disgusting) and a hard seltzer as a chaser.

“’m glad you guys made it.” an unfamiliar voice could be heard behind the two of you before you turned around. it was alhaitham.

“hi alhaitham!” kaveh sounded a little too happy. you also said hi and let the two of them go. you didn’t want to third wheel so you talked to some friends that were also at the party.

you couldn’t find ajax, though.

you hated that he was the first person you wanted to look for in this crowded room.

you figured he was off with someone, but nonetheless continued to keep and eye out for him, to steer clear of him, of course.

“and i just knew off the bat he was a scorpio.” your friend in your government class, mona, said as she took a sip of her drink.

“you’re so talented.” another friend of your’s, albedo added.

“if he was a cancer, it’d be a whole other story. everyone likes cancers..” she trailed off.

ajax was a cancer.

“hey y/n, let’s go take another shot.” mona suggested. “you down?”

“sure.” you figured saying no would leave you alone. albedo followed the two of you. after a couple of shots, mona kept talking.

“weren’t you the one that went with ajax after his last game?” mona’s question snapped you out of your daze.

“oh, yeah. that was me.” you explained.

“you didn’t hear it from me, but ajax’s fan club kinda hates you now..” well that was great. you didn’t even do anything.

“oh for real?”

“mhm, i even heard you two go way back.” albedo added. how would anyone know that..? let alone care that much? you thought to yourself.

“who’d you hear it from?” you asked.

“i heard two girls talking about it in econ.” albedo nonchalantly said.

“oh.”

in that moment, you felt a pair of eyes staring at you. you looked to the right of albedo’s head and saw ajax leaning against the wall, beside another guy. the guy was looking at him and talking, but it seemed like the only thing he was focused on was you. he took a sip from his red solo cup as you both held contact for maybe a second, before he looked away. it seemed he was already staring at you.

“y/n?” mona said.

“oh, sorry. why don’t we take another shot?” you suggested. something in you wanted to forget about him for a little bit to relieve yourself of the jealousy you felt. you knew that guy was his next victim, and it made you upset that that’s the person he’s become.

you, albedo, and mona took more shots after that. mona was gone by that point, and you were pretty sure you were drunk. luckily for you, you weren’t too much of a talker when you got drunk, you just felt dizzy and tired.

“i think we should go, mona. you need to sleep.” albedo said as he ushered a tipsy mona out of the door. you said your byes and stood at the steps of the house, watching them leave. you shouted a small “text me when you’re home” to which albedo nodded. you checked your phone for the time. it was 11pm now. you figured you should go find kaveh.

you walked along the twisty halls of alhaitham’s house. it felt like everything was spinning. you just wanted to sleep. you couldn’t go home unless you found kaveh. you didn’t want to leave him, and he’d understand if you wanted to go home. you recalled you didn’t see ajax after only seeing him for a second. maybe it was just the alcohol talking, but you felt as if you were being watched. you didn’t know by who, though.

you ended up in the living room again. you sat down on the large couch next to a couple making out, keeping your distance. you put your hands on your face, rubbing your eyes and trying to stay awake. you kept telling yourself that you needed to find kaveh, but every passing second made you feel more and more tired. a short nap wouldn’t hurt, right?

and just like that, you fell asleep on the end of the couch. you would admit it’d be kinda embarrassing to fall asleep at a party like a little kid, but you couldn’t help it. you were in a daze, half asleep and half awake. you could still hear the loud music, but your body was asleep. you saw two blurry figures in front of you.

“let’s take them …”

“my house? …”

“let’s go …”

what we’re they talking about? maybe they were talking to each other. why were they looking at you though? all of a sudden, you felt yourself being lifted up by the two guys. you honestly thought it was kaveh trying to get you back home, but he wasn’t that big. you felt yourself leaning against one of the guy’s arms, as the other one held you up. you felt yourself heading for the door before another guy stopped you.

“fuck are you guys doing?” a familiar voice said.

“oh���they’re our friend. they had a little too much to drink.” the two guys laughed. that was when you realized those two men were indeed not your friends but probably two low lifes trying to take advantage of you.

“y/n you know these guys?” the voice asked you. you nodded your head ‘no’ in response. you felt yourself being pried off by the person in front of you.

“who do you think you are? huh?” the guy that was trying to kidnap you said loudly. you had a headache now. all you could feel was a warm arm around you, and your head resting on.. ajax?

“who even are you two?” you heard alhaitham’s voice now. when those two guys carried you, they felt way too big to be high schoolers, college students?

“that’s none of your fucking business. get the fuck out of our way.” one of the two guys said. you felt a hand grab for you before ajax pulled you away from them.

“it is my business dipshit, i’m the owner of this house.” alhaitham retorted. by now, there was a small crowd around the five of you.

“alhaitham take y/n upstairs, i’ll deal with them.” ajax said as you felt alhaitham after a couple seconds pick you up with ease. usually, you’d be up and well awake by now, but that pink whitney had you paralyzed. you wanted to just say you could walk, but if you did, you’d probably collapse on the spot. contrary to some beliefs, alhaitham wasn’t a bad guy. kaveh liked him for a reason. he wouldn’t jump from girl to boy like ajax did. he carried you up the stairs and stopped in front of a room, before muttering something to himself.. about kaveh? then walking to another room and placing you on a bed, before immediately leaving, shutting the door behind him. you looked around the room before falling asleep. needless to say, it was a really nice room. it had a balcony and a big tv. it was a good size and the bed was pretty comfortable. there was a sports duffel bag on a chair that had your school’s logo on it. there wasn’t any equipment in it, just clothes. were you in alhaitham’s room? you looked a little closer and saw a hoodie laid out on the edge of the bed. it had your school’s name and the number 11 on it.

number 11?

why would ajax’s hoodie be here?

your headache only got worse, especially after almost getting kidnapped. you could heard the commotion downstairs, most likely ajax trying to get those two college guys out of the party. you slowly drifted to sleep.

after what felt like a couple hours, you woke up. you felt severely hungover but you tried to ignore it. it was still dark outside, and the room was cold. too cold. you picked up your phone that was on the charger and saw the time, 4:00 am. you had a couple of notifications but none of them were from kaveh. wait, you didn’t plug your phone in before going to sleep? who plugged it in?

“sleep well?” a voice could be heard from the balcony. the door was wide open, and you looked over. ajax stood at the door to the balcony with a cigarette in his hand, wearing that same hoodie you saw before going to sleep.

“no—what’re you doing here?” you said as you rubbed your eyes, slowly getting up.

“alhaitham had the bright idea to put you in my room.”

oh.

you were in ajax’s room.

“sorry.” you said. it went quiet for a minute. “you shouldn’t be smoking.” you pointed out.

“it’s either this or the oxycontin they prescribed me.” you’d much rather have him smoking a cigarette then.

you were sitting on up on the bed now. you needed to get kaveh and go home. you still were processing the events from last—a couple hours ago.

“you kept saying my name in your sleep..” ajax said blowing a puff of smoke outside.

there was absolutely no way. you felt your face heating up, were you actually??

“just kidding.” he ghosted the smoke.

“genuinely kill yourself.” why’d you believe him so easily? that would’ve been the worst thing to happen to you that night. after almost getting kidnapped. “where’s kaveh?” you asked.

“he’s out, alhaitham’s room.”

oh my god.

you’d need to debrief again with kaveh later.

“where’s alhaitham’s room? i’m taking him and going home.” you stated as you began to look for your belongings.

“how’re you getting home?” ajax asked.

“uber.” you said.

“like an uber’s gonna accept your ride at four in the morning.”

“you gonna drive me then?”

“if it comes down to it, yeah.” why was he being.. nice?

“you shouldn’t be coming to these kind of things if you leave yourself this vulnerable.” ajax said, taking a drag of his cigarette. “you haven’t changed, y/n.”

“well you sure have.” you said under your breath.

“grow up, y/n. just because you’re stuck in the past doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing that i’ve changed.” he had a point, but you’d never say that. “we’ll never be those kids again.”

you chuckled, “at least i can stick to one person. it doesn’t seem like you’re very good at that.”

“who? you can stick to who?”

you. that’s what you wanted to say. that’s what he wanted to say, too.

“nobody—just tell me where alhaitham’s room is.” you wanted to leave. remember how you thought he was being nice?

“down the hall on your right.” ajax said, walking back to the balcony. it felt like talking to a stranger.

you followed his instructions and arrived at the door. should you knock? or just go in really slowly? you put your ear against the door, trying to listen for any, sounds you wouldn’t exactly want to hear. it sounded quiet. you reached for the door handle and slowly pushed down, but it stopped there. it was locked. you cursed kaveh in your head, once again that night. you heard ajax’s agitating, grating voice down the hall, laughing. you just rolled your eyes and tried texting kaveh.

“y/n, it’s not gonna work. just wait until morning and you guys can uber back together.” he had a point. what was a couple more hours? at least you wouldn’t be leaving kaveh either, but you’d be stuck with ajax. that’s not something you really wanted, but it was for kaveh.

“do you have any food?”

you and ajax ended up in the kitchen, eating cereal. you pushed the cinnamon toast crunch around in your bowl as you sat at the island. ajax was in front of you, pouring himself out more cereal. it was quiet for the most part. one thing about the two of you was that you’d both be too scared to be the first to do anything. but that was a long time ago.

“how’s your knee?” you made some attempt at making conversation.

“recovering. what’s it to you?” of course he just had to say something that would piss you off.

“absolutely nothing.” you responded, taking a bite of the cereal. “did you fight those college guys?”

“oh yeah the ones that tried to abduct you and you just let them?”

that pissed you off. it wasn’t your fault, if anything, it was whoever let them in.

“if you did fight them i hope they beat the shit out of you.”

“maybe you should learn how to be more careful at parties. also another reason why you shouldn’t even be here.” he retorted.

“you’re such a bitch, you know that? i came with kaveh because i’m actually a good friend. it’s not like you ever were.”

“don’t start with that shit y/n.” he looked angry now. “i saved your ass and i don’t even get a thank you?”

“thank you. happy?” ajax’s phone started buzzing, it was closer to you than to him, so you saw the text messages.

myqb😘: kaveh’s w me

myqb😘: you should talk to y/n while you have the chance 🤑

myqb😘: and help me clean my goddamn house

that’s all you saw before he took his phone back. what the fuck was with the emoji? and the name?? ajax texted him and laid his phone screen down now. he didn’t see you reading the messages. you and ajax have argued twice in one night, you started to remember why you two aren’t friends anymore. you put your hands on your head, rubbing your forehead. you felt your headache coming back.

“what’s wrong with you?” his look softened a little when he saw your face.

“nothing. just hungover.” you responded.

“you need painkillers?” it was like he read your mind.

“i’ll take some if you have any.” you admitted.

“i got opioids, cigarettes, and tylenol. your pick.” you couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“tylenol.” you said.

“you sure?” he asked. you nodded your head in response. he went upstairs to go get your pain killers. why was he doing this? his face when he saw you in pain made your heart melt. why did it seem like he still gave a fuck about you? more like you two both gave a fuck about each other. you started thinking. you helped him out, and he’s helping you. your headache only got worse.

-> part 3

tag list - lmk if you would like to be added :)

@zamorazz

[princelance]

a movie........

time for a rant that has been a looong time coming because

the FUCK??? NOOOOOOOOOOOO PLEASE NO NO NO PLEASE GOD IF YOU'RE OUT THERE NEVER LET THIS MOVIE SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY NEVER EVEN MENTION THAT SHOW EVER AGAIN IN MY PRESENCE it should fucking DIE and stay DEAD

the WORST fandom i've ever come across/been part of. everyone was so fucking braindead. god the bullying here was So Bad. vld fandom was the epitome of 'you can't enjoy what you like'. and the bullies were like, some of the most popular blogs here. the content creators (among others ofc) here were NASTY. the people making decent art were so fucking rude to almost anyone that didn't bow down to them and agree with their views on the show, sitting on their high horse like they were fucking gods or something when they were like, 17 or something. mind u voltron was a show about ugly transformers lions and a bunch of kids in space meant for 7 YEAR OLDS. like stfu it's not deep, it's not important. i get that this is the internet i really do but apparently everyone was a pedo and homophobic and racist and needed to be cancelled because they weren't pure angels. i hope the people who liked the show, both teens and adults alike, have grown up and learnt what those words actually mean and why you shouldn't just casually throw them around. i hated you all. u had to be so careful about what you said on here, it was like north korea or something. i remember how kids got bullied into deleting their harmless fanfics, the fucking voice actors got bullied on a daily basis, it was BAD. i remember i got hate for having shiro as my icon and the background was the bi flag colours. I AM BI. also, so what if i had headcanoned shiro as bi, you couldn't have stopped me or anyone else from thinking that, and also IT WOULD NOT HAVE MATTERED, HE'S FICTIONAL, HE'S JUST LINES AND PIXELS. i know this is going to shatter some of your worlds (or at least would have back then), but a random ass nobody on tumblr headcanoning a character as bi when said character is "actually" straight/gay/whatever is NOT going to affect irl queer people in any way, it does NOT have real life consequences. who gives a fuck. since when has the fandom given a shit about canon anyway? fuck you.

okay, i've been bitching about the fandom enough (no i haven't, there's no way you can ever bitch about the vld fandom enough). what about the actual show? well. once again it's meant for 7 year olds. who cares if it was good or not. i've seen seasons 1–6. i liked season 1, didn't really like anything after that since the show seemed to change so much. the first season kind of has a different vibe completely? idk how to explain it, it just kind of feels like the actual show and then the rest was just a long fanfic by someone who was in love with keith's character. but since i was watching the show with my sister who was 10 at the time, it was fine, otherwise i wouldn't have kept watching after seeing season 2 i don't think.

here are a few negative things about the show imo:

making keith the main character out of nowhere after s1 (where he definitely wasn't the main focus) was so dumb. god the showrunners loved keith sooo much, it was so stupid. keith was nooot a leader. whatever.

making keith the black paladin was also so fucking stupid my god. and yes, everyone here wanting LANCE to become the black paladin just because he was the fandom favourite (don't get me wrong, he was my fave too) was so fucking braindead too honestly. shiro or allura. no one else made any sense.

canon allurance SUUUCKED. like holy shit that was so bad and horribly written, even lotor and allura had a better love story and had waaay more chemistry (and their relationship ended badly, rightfully so). and NO klance was never ever ever going to be canon, you were so delusional. like lmaooo did we even watch the same show? i just really enjoyed their dynamic and that's why i shipped them together, whatever. but yeah, like i said the bullying here was disgusting and everyone was cancelled, great, klance seemed to be the only thing you were allowed to like so in that sense i was lucky.

everything they did with allura in the later seasons............ you know what? i'm not even going to start. because wtfffffffff, as a storyteller myself i ?????? what in the world were they thinking. but yeah whatever it does not matter.

the point of this post is that EW EW EWWWW FUCK THAT SHOW AND FUCK YOU, if you were in the voltron fandom in 2017/2018 i personally hate you

[ca-suffit]

Hi! I'm new to the fandom (on Tumblr, anyways--I watched season 1 when it came out (haven't watched season 2 yet)), and I wanted to ask what the racism in the fandom is about? I mean I can guess, since the new show changed Louis, Claudia, and Armand to black/brown actors. I guess I just figured that if people were really against the race and time period changes, then they simply wouldn't watch and be fans of the show?? I mean they are significant changes and they happen from the very first moment of episode one, so if they bother people so much, how would they be able to or want to watch the show and get into the fandom at all?

I guess basically I'm wondering if the racism you see is in the AMC fandom too, or is it more like people who are IWTV fans of the books/movie who don't like the changes?

hi!! thank u for being new here and somehow ending up at this account and asking questions. I feel like it's rare that that happens so I am glad ur here.

so for ur questions....a lot of the racist stuff comes from book fans.

idk if u know the history of the books and also the show, but let me give a brief rundown of it all.

the books started in the late 70s and were a lot of ppl's first exposure to a lot of things (gay relationships, gender stuff, polyamory) at young ages and also when these things weren't seen in many other spaces. anne rice also encouraged her fans to develop parasocial relationships with her, keeping in contact directly thu letters, emails, and phone calls. she also routinely hosted costume balls and stuff (which still happen today).

as for the show history, it took about 7 years for it to end up with AMC and start doing *anything.* anne and her son excitedly kept ppl updated on everything that happened in that time, then suddenly all went quiet once AMC started moving on doing anything. then anne died in 2021, before the show's release within the next year.

if u look at a lot of book ppl's posts about the show, u'll see phrases like "I've waited x years for this." take allllllllll of that info ^^ and stuff it into a single person, who then has existed in this fandom however many years, usually in an echo chamber of likeminded ppl with the same history, and u get a v specific mix of fandom racism. they're in their "sunk cost fallacy" era, basically.

a lot of these ppl don't care at all about the show itself, they're here to see the VC books in a visual format *finally.* they will "suffer" thru whatever just to get any crumb of something they feel is "owed" for being fans so long, for connecting so much to these stories, to anne, w/e the thing is. a lot of them are here for lestat only.

the main issue is that a lot of these fans....just hate the show even from the lestat perspective. they feel like his character is "ooc" for the abuse shown in 1x5, specifically, and have spent the last 2 years writing all kinds of angry posts about it and jumping thru hoops to explain why it's all a lie and why S3 (based on his book) will "fix" everything "finally." they also disregard any of the discussions about race and have targeted black fans a lot over time (general fans of color too but a lot of emphasis on black fans specifically) in attempts to push all of this out of anyone's view, so that they can remain the popular fans. this isn't done by white fans either, a lot of it has been done by other black fans. it's a common tactic used in a lot of spaces, fandom or otherwise, to "give permission" to ppl to let out racist behavior on certain other groups of ppl....but ur not in the group so it's ok, ur safe for "reporting" on "them."

a lot of the problem is these ppl (collectively referred to as "white fandom," which is a mindset, not a skin color), and u can see so many examples of what this looks like if u browse around the account. it's not always so obvious, prbly if ur new too, but u'll learn to see it once u find the pattern.

there's also book ppl who don't engage with the fandom anymore outside their circles but watch the show (or at least parts of it) and still moan how the tags are filled with show stuff and not the books anymore. it's the same "logic" but a different type of fan.

the show only fans aren't rly a problem. a lot of white show only fans haven't understood the racial themes but these aren't usually the ppl who are bullying everyone. it's mostly the book fans who need to feel superior at all times for having read the books. I mean, I've read them too, it's whatever, but some ppl just need that extra special attention about it (even tho they're awful books tbh. she fired her editor three books in and it *shows*).

I felt insane writing this lol but hope that helps clarify??

[h-doodles]

hi, can I ask for your top ten favorite fics ? :)

Hi anon hiiiiiiii welcome!!! u caught me at a good time, ur soooo lucky bc i just glanced at my notifs and saw this ask get sent <3 KDBDKDKK its been literal years since i checked my ask box 👉🏻👈🏻

BUT ANYWAY! top 10 of all time???? be warned that while i am currently enchanted with ONE (1) 6 ft 3 in actress, I still do consider myself a girlie with varied tastes so. my old & other fandoms are mixed in my current list!

without further ado:

#10: knowledge for knowledge's sake by tigriswolf (ao3) || quite an old piece detailing how a change in the personality of one Hermione Granger could have had a massive impact to the story— and while I don't fuck with JKTerfling, the fics I've read from the old fans in the HP fandom are still honestly, some of the BEST I have EVER read. This one in particular irrevocably changed me as a teen, and is one story that I continue to draw inspiration upon when I create dark!AUs for my SI/OCs.

#9: Zutopia by itslivybear (ao3) || the fluff, the worldbuilding, an AU where Izuku is mentored by our beloved Rat God & together, they fix the world problems? GIRLIES catch me forever LOVING this concept like you could NEVER believe <3

#8: (not so) Bad Idea by @sarahpaulsonsoftie (tumblr post) || HEE HEE ITS LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE LIKE HELP THESE BITCHES GAY!!!!!! GOOD FOR THEM!!!!!!! ft a meddling plantita who really mothered; Marilyn Thornhill <3

#7: Hold my Soul by connyhascontrol (ao3) || I got into Trixie/Katya completely by one @montaguehphm introducing me to UNHhhh (HIIIIIII bestie I hope everything is going good and that ur gay keeps slay <3) and I haven't recovered ever since— reading the fics by writers on AO3 was a happy little accident, but one i will FOREVER love, nonetheless. Anyway, this particular fic was SO brilliantly original and YET so entrenched in the personalities between T&K that it ABSOLUTELY just wrecks me everytime I reread it. anyways hi @connyhascontrol pls know ur brilliant <3

#6: I think I'm gonna call him out by hellelf (ao3, users only) || again, another AU for Hermione fic, that's chockfull of world building and interesting relationships! It's been unupdated from its 5 chapters since 2021, but I still LOVE to look back at it from time to time 💖

#5: The Confectionary Chronicles series by cheshire_caroll (ao3); Into the Black series by angelholme (ao3); Hermione Granger & the Serpent's Renaissance series by epsi1on (ao3) AND New Blood by artemisgirl (ff.net) || if it's not evident, i am an absolute slut for fics ft. Hermione being badass & put into a v cool plot w/ insane amounts of world building, so yeah, def a top 5 most contender <3

#4: The Infinitely Curious Woman by chararii (ao3) || literally ALL of their fics are absolute bangers, and while I forever mourn their decision to stop all Naruto fics thanks to the great harddrive incident of 2022, I have nonetheless the GREATEST respect to their skill & talent to bring SUCH LIFE to their stories. In particular, I chose this particular fic of theirs because the premise of Sakura making her own way by shedding off her morality the more she learned & got influenced by her 2 greatest teachers was absolutely nothing short of DIVINE. It was and IS such an inspiration to read, reread & explore, and I will forever love @chararii for this brilliant piece of a fic

#3: The Endgame that never was series by @heleneplays aka me (tumblr masterlist) || ok I know this seems self-absorbed but DEAR MOTHER OF CHRISTIE i literally WENT OFF for a whole ass day and a half going feral for the Relics of the Lost Age series book 3 finale (hi @jamesshawgames pls know im still here and STILL simping even tho i am currently having a brainrot for a different thing on main sjdhdkdk i hope ur doing well dearest mr. chief author sir!!!!) and created this series from my dreams + nonstop ben&ben playlist— and honestly, I think it's VERY sexy of me <3 bc I rarely like things that I do after a while, but THIS— alongside Universal Constant (ao3) are truly my BEST work <3

#2: Across the Stars by nomisunrider (ao3) || I CAN NEVER STRESS THIS ENOUGH, HOW MUCH THIS FIC ALTERED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY LIKE. its been 4 YEARS since it was completed but HOLY. MOTHERFUCKING. GOD. The story between Michael & Philippa persisting beyond the odds, in a twist of the canon happenings in Star Trek: Discovery is FOREVER ingrained in my heart and soul and honestly once again THANK YOU @nomi--sunrider for SUCH a beautiful story 🥺🥺🥺

and drum roll please!!!

#1 (current): I literally cannot pick between Better than Gold + Little Cat by @lady-dimimi / @azu-zu (tumblr post for BtG | LC ao3); How to woo a Hot Principal by @softshrimpy (ao3); and Lipstick Stains by @weemssapphic (ao3) || LIKE HOLY SHIT THE FUCKING AMOUNT OF TALENT, PLOT, FLUFF, DRAMA AND UTTER GAYNESS THESE FICS BRING ME— its SOOOOO insanity inducing in the best of ways <3 also, i really count myself lucky to get into a very active (x reader) sphere LIKE ITS SOOOOO INSANE i get to consume CONTENT daily for such wonderful characters and these special morsels be like. authors, I am sending you all a MWAH from me

[lilydvoratrelundar]

10 comfort films

Ty for tagging me @mothdogs !!

1. Matilda the musical (2022) I have watched this film so many times and it's not even been out for a year. I love it so much. It's one of the only dvds I got new from hmv as soon as it came out. I could quote the whole thing on command. I cry whenever I watch it. I feel like I've lived with this film for my whole life when in fact I only saw it on a whim with my parents, towards the end of its theatrical run, cos of fond memories of the show.

2. The Suicide Squad (2021) it's the best superhero film. I love it so much.

3. Time Bandits (1981) pure whimsy. I could also probably write a decent essay on the theology of this film but that's another conversation

4. War for the Planet of the Apes (2017) I could probably put any of the apes films here (except the 2001 one) but this one is just. So beautiful and so good and I love it so much

5. The Blues Brothers (1980) I hate illinois nazis

6. Doctor who city of death. Shut up it's on letterboxd it counts as a film. I have other favourites of the show but this is the one I put on to lift my mood

7. Blade Runner 2049 (2017) I only discovered this one like a week ago but will 100% be rewatching many times

8. Star Wars (1977) is it a hot take to say, andor aside, the franchise has never been as good as that first film? I treasure my unspecialised edition dvd BTW I haven't watched the cgi monstrosities in about a decade

9. Bit (2019) it's gay vampires what more do u want

10. Baby driver (2017) banging soundtrack fantastic direction great story

Oh god i'll tag uhhh

@merrygejelh @regicidal-defenestration @charliedooku @rainethorn @justanotherbookortwo @wouldbeheroine @starfrog1 @emailsquid & anyone else who sees this consider urself tagged

[tumblasha]

What was your favorite age growing up?

oo, a hard question. had to decide between 7, 16, and 20 -> after rambling for a bajillion words, 16 was the age that really stuck w me. below is a semi-edited ramble

(16)

disclaimer that my memory before age 16 is v blurry so. i might have some bias for it since it's the first one i can remember fully-ish.

i was a senior in hs! i was in love (sorta) [1]. i didn't know where i was going to college yet (was considering ou or tulane i think?). i was in choir (mezzo soprano, alto, tenor) and orchestra (viola, cello). i had rituals with my friends where we'd basically see each other everyday until 5:30pm

i was scared and sad for my future (i knew i was going to move to texas after hs graduation at this point), and i'd cry whenever i was alone w my (now ex-)bf because i loved everyone so much

at the end of junior year of hs, i went to my first big bonfire and burned my silly math hw. i vaped [2] and got drunk with my friends for the first time. i learned that Gay People Exist (outside of the internet) [3]. i felt so free to say "i love you" to individual people all the time (not sure what changed)

i was growing up and it felt like the feeling of growing up was going to end (wrong). looking back i was so severely sad everyday, but i remember Being so happy at the time (or at least telling myself i was?). i'm so inspired by young dasha being Stuck in this place and then leaving, going so far away, by the end of the next year (i haven't been back since)

---

[1] in the five (5) years i was with this Guy i don't remember much of it, and now i don't feel comfortable being with men (non-platonically) except when making out with one at a club / party so uh. maybe a coming out post will be included in my future blogposts.

[2] vaped essential oils! lavender specifically!!! my conservative catholic high school "randomly" drug tested me three times my junior fall so i was kinda scared of weed :skull:

[3] saying this bc gay ppl were kinda illegal at school then lol. literally if u wanted to buy a "couple's" ticket to the prom, you weren't allowed to put names of the same gender on one ticket. forgive me if seeing insta posts of the current queer couples in my hs makes me shed a tear

---

so uhh, thanks gduque for the ask. i hope i answered it okay!

[kapowsandinterrobangs]

It's almost the end of August '24,

gosh how fast time flies. I'm currently 28 years, 7 months and 2 days. Sylvia sent me a Tiktok slideshow today. It was a series of illustrations showing a 5 year old version of me (aka your inner child) talking to me, asking me what I'm up to.

I think 5 year old me would find it very hard to get 28 year old me, so I think I'll talk to 16 year old me instead. -----------

Hey girl,

By 28, you would have tried smoking/e-cigarettes (one puff respectively and nothing more - you don't like the way it stays in your throat for the entire day), been on so many business trips you took the plane 18 times in a single year, joined a huge e-commerce company only to be laid off 1.5 years later, ate wagyu, and then accidentally ate pork (next time a menu says serrano sourdough crumble, believe me when I say it has NOTHING to do with bread), become a kpop stan, gone on dates (yes!! you!!), gone to fucking Europe with friends, tried salsa dancing, tried 3 different industries before delving into HR, graduated with a degree in Economics and Politics), got promoted in your job, learned to watch movies (and generally do fun stuff) alone and end up enjoying it, tried bowling, fallen in love with spin class, tried so many different restaurants you would never have thought you could afford, diversified your closet (thank u uniqlo, mango, h&m), generally wake up most days feeling good (no deperesso), and gone for 384,324 concerts. Well, not in that order of course. By 28, you would also have smashed at your O Levels but flunked your A Levels (not once but twice), discovered that the boy whom you thought was your first major crush (can you consider it a first love if he never liked you back?) turned out to be gay (and that's why he won't ever like you back), still not have a boyfriend (despite going on multiple dates), survived a very wtf friendship breakup, survived Jeap leaving for Manila, Nadja leaving for Amsterdam, and Kah Heng leaving for Perth, still have a tumultuous relationship with the demands of your religion, started going for coaching/therapy (mother issues LMAO), STILL get your attire checked by your mother before you leave for work, built a very bad habit of taking Grab rides to work, still haven't gotten your driving license yet, and have gained even more weight (LOL sorry). I think what I'm trying to say is that life has turned out fairly okay in 2024, and honestly I really am enjoying the ride. And I know you're worried sick about exam results + generally unsure who you are as a person, plus letting parents down, but... eh, you'll be fine. You will have fewer existential crises as you learn more about yourself and become surer of who you are, and what you stand for. I do want to thank you for developing a good level of optimism and generally positive outlook in life. Thanks to you, it brought me through some really shitty parts of my journey and delivered me to the other side. Some insecurities never really go away, but that's OK. Anyways, love you very much.

[rhombology]

for the ask game: 1-35

fuk u

what is your nickname?

lol at work a couple people call me "gay-aron," which is a play on A-Aron, and "twink" which is indubitably true

2. when is your birthday?

february 20 :)

3. what was your longest relationship?

3 years and 3 months

4. what is your favorite book?

uhhh imma say the song of achilles

5. what is something you're insecure about?

honestly just my general appearance

6. 5 male celebrity crushes

avan jogia, pedro pascal, michael cimino, matt bomer, bbno$

7. 5 female celebrity crushes

keira knightley 5 times

8. what is your dream job?

i would love to just play video games for a living lmaoo or something with animals maybe

9. what do you consider your biggest accomplishment?

i think graduating college with a 4.0 was pretty cool but even better was that i chose to be a cook immediately after that

10. what is a fact about you that nobody would believe?

i've never had lobster or crab

11. what were your highs and lows for this last month?

getting the teet yeet was definitely a high but the lows of recovering alone haven't been great

12. where is somewhere you'd like to visit?

i'd like to visit the arctic someday so i can see the northern lights and the stars without light pollution

13. how do you de-stress?

i like playing games where you do mindless chores, like powerwash simulator, american truck simulator, etc

14. what are your favorite apps besides tumblr?

pokemon go lol and instagram for the reels

15. describe yourself in one sentence.

stupid gay cowboy that loves cats and falls in love with any guy who is vaguely nice to him

16. what do you think makes you attractive?

dumptruck

17. what is something you're really good at?

i don't struggle with autism, i'm actually really good at it

18. what is something you're really bad at?

not being a clingy simp

19. a time that you told a lie.

i honestly can't think of anything lmao

20. what's a totally random and useless fact that you know?

giraffes have blue tongues so they don't get sunburn when they're eating leafies

21. who knows you the best?

prolly my best friend

22. what is your most prized possession?

my pc i think, it's super rainbow and i built it myself

23. what is your longest friendship?

i've known my childhood best friend since kindergarten

24. when did you first feel like an adult?

dude i'm 24 and i don't feel like an adult and i don't think i ever will

25. do you/have you played any sports?

yea i used to play soccer when i was a kid

26. how are you feeling right now?

eepy

27. are you an early bird or a night owl?

definitely a night owl

28. do you believe in love at first sight?

maybe not love exactly but there's definitely like "special connection" at first sight

29. favorite song lyrics right now?

"lightning in our fingertips today / i jump each time you touch me / always on the upswing, baby"

30. what does self care look like for you?

lots of sugar and one of my comfort films/shows

31. describe yourself with 3 singers.

hozier, gregory alan isakov, ben schneider

32. what makes you nervous?

talking to new people :')

33. what's a pet peeve you have?

people who just like don't clean up after themselves

34. what will always make you cry?

the ending of brokeback mountain

35. what kind of first impression do you think you make on people?

i think people see me as a shy gay weirdo lmao

[luukeskywalker]

20 questions writer meme.

THANKYOUUU @crimsonrainseekingflower FOR TAGGING ME!! <33

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

92!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!?!?!!?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

409,439 i feel a little lightheaded tbh

3. What fandoms do you write for?

erm a lot of them LMFAO but my main fandoms are star wars, mxtx novels, one piece, and then supernatural once in a while

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Pros and Cons of Keeping Wei Wuxian's Spirit Hostage - hua cheng keeping wwx's spirit safe during the time he was dead, 12k words, 4.5k kudos (this is insane)

there's a STALKER in the CLOUD RECESSES??? - hualian adopts wei wuxian and raises him, he goes to cloud recesses and causes trouble :3c, 5.7k words, 2.7k kudos (this is also insane to me)

sun beneath the sea - merman wangxian au i wrote for the mdzs reverse bang! 19.2k words, 1k kudos (this is slightly less insane)

Jin Ling and the No Good Very Bad Terrible Year of Cloud Recesses Bullshit - my first mdzs fic! 2.9k words, 912 kudos (thank you?!?!?!)

a kiss with a helmet is better than none - omg the first non mdzs fic on this list LOL, this was a short dinluke fic i wrote when i first got really back into star wars. 1.1k words, 911 kudos (LOVE U GUYS!!!)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do usually within the first two days! after that i tend to either get too busy and feel bad responding to comments super late or i just plain forget ;A; but i read every comment and they mean the absolute world to me!! i'm trying to get better at responding but it really isn't my strong suit.....

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

this is a tie imo between the precipice from my skywalker palindrome series (i prommy i will upload another installment.....eventually), and Star Light, Star Bright (which is about apollo dreaming of clay while he's in the hospital for the courtroom bombing)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

in my personal opinion it's gotta be No One Lives Forever, my deancas big bang - it was a labor of love, and also how much i wish certain plot lines could have been wrapped up more properly!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally i get a comment telling me they didn't expect my fics to be full of "gay shit" but i think those comments are mostly funny, like, bestie this is the gay shit fanfic website. but once in a while people will bookmark my fics with fairly negative comments/judgements and that's just like.......why make that public????

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hehe. i love writing smut. idk what "kind" this would be but i tend to gravitate towards silly weird sweet kinda kinky sex???

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i do write crossovers! i haven't in a while (unless you count mxtx novel crossovers which only half count imo LOL) but i think the craziest one i've ever posted is the star wars/animorphs one that is unfinished and will probably remain unfinished for a long time ;~;

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i know i've definitely had elements of my fics show up in other people's work before but it's not something i keep track of these days, i don't have a lot of time to read fic ^^;; however a few months ago i did find some podcasters had read my fic aloud and commented on it and put it up on the free tier of their patreon??? they said really nice things about it which was a shocker but i feel my insides curdling whenever someone reads my ao3 username out loud HAHAHA

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have had them translated a few times! i think pros and cons has a translation or two floating around, and i thiiink? some fics from skywalker palindrome have been translated? i know someone asked and it took me a few days to reply to tell them yes (again, terrible at replying, that's my bad)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not exactly a singular fic but i love co-writing series together with my bestie!!!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

AAUUUGH YOU CAN'T ASK ME THAT. I CAN'T ANSWER. but i did one time listen to wangxian.mp3 about fifty times in one day, recently

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

so many.

if i HAD to pick one, i guess i'd say....the straight up 10k of twilight au moshang i have hiding in my google docs. maybe i will just post what i have and leave it at that one day because that was a lot of work to never share it LMFAO

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue, visual description, characterization

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

FINISHING THE DAMN THING. both in terms of actually sticking to a fic long enough to finish it, and also the concept of endings as a whole.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i don't think i've personally done it, but if i needed to i'd like to make sure it's accurate, readable, and translatable for someone who doesn't read the language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i actually can get a link to it if fanfic dot net is still working!! (spoiler alert: it is...for now!)

anyways, the first fic i wrote/published was for the lost boys. it hardly counts as a fic bc it's more like a meme that was going around at the time on ff.net, which was a "you've seen [x media] way too many times if...!" list of in-jokes. here it is. and if you want to look at some of my other extremely old stuff i wrote over ten years ago, be my guest i guess! fair warning a lot of it is not great!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

i know this is cheating but i have to say i think my favorite fic i've worked on is the skywalker palindrome as a whole. it's a series of fics but they work together to tell a story that remains an open-ended tragedy. we know where anakin ends up. luke knows who anakin becomes. and it seems like nothing luke can do will turn anakin away from that path. this is the rare situation where i actually have a very clear idea of how it all ends, and i just need to write my way there - which is going to take quite a while QAQ

tag time!!! @deusexvalerate GET TAGGED!!!!!

[leafbatraccoon]

monday's child legacy challenge

judging by the influx of addams on the gallery lately, by now i'm sure ~everyone~ has seen the new WEDNESDAY series.. i loved seeing all the creations, be it households, builds or cc - but what i was inspired to do was create my first game challenge; it's not particularly inspiring and i'm unsure if it's doable at all, i suspect i'm mostly putting it on proverbial paper to direct this nursery rhyme somewhere concrete, since it insists on lingering in my mind

i know in the ocean of challenges there is a days-of-the-week challenge already but i don't think their similiar, feel free to check for yourself

i considered making GEN 1:MONDAY > GEN2:MONDAY'S-CHILD/TUESDAY and so on, to extend it to one more generation, but prefered to keep it faithful to it's origins instead

s o   w i t h o u t   f u r t h e r   a d o....

⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️

RULES standart legacy rules apply; play in extreme if you'd like succession laws: gender - strict equality preferences and trait discovery: spin wheel for yes or no

NOTES this hasn't been play tested - yet ; so for now I sugest playing at the normal or long time span - change it with mccc if you'd like, the goal is to have fun, even tho it's a challenge i really have no concept of how doable it was designed to be since i usually drag out my sims lifes for pretty long

REQUIREMENTS Spa Day | Parenthood | Seasons | Island Living | Discover Uni | Snowy Escape | High School Years

SUGESTED MODS more traits in cas chingyu traits {100-traits, seasons-traits} & holiday tradition override {for said traits} kuttoe traits & PIZZA PREFERENCE :D {the pizza is just me missing favourite dishes} more odd jobs I use simrealist's SNB mod that overhauls the bill system but I've heard lot 51 also has some mods that bring more realism to services like plumbing & internet; I haven't tried them because I'm afraid they'd conflict I also love love love lumpinou's relationship and pregnancy overhaul, check it out !!

⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️

GEN 1 | MONDAY "monday's child is fair of face" self-assured + family-oriented {chingyu's pretty trait if you have this mod} aspiration: soulmate reach level 7 in any career max out cooking skill + complete 2 collections at some point be a part of coffe fanatic OR health food nut lifestyle

GEN 2 | TUESDAY "tuesday's child is full of grace" proper + loyal max out manners + conflict resolution values close nit lifestyle {adhere to and maintain} maintain a good rep {if you have Get Famous}

GEN 3 | WEDNESDAY "wednesday's child is full of woe" gloomy + loner or socially awkward aspirtation: inner peace self-employed artist

GEN 4 | THURSDAY "thurday's child has far to go" perfectionist + overachiever complete 5 aspirations {1 in childhood, 1 as a teen, 1 as YA - must relate to uni, 2 after that - one of which must be big happy family OR successful lineage}

GEN 5 | FRIDAY "friday's child is loving and giving" good + romantic voluteering {5x if playing short life span, otherwise once per season} max out empathy value / achieve compassionate trait have {at least} 2 children, maintain a positive relationship with them

GEN 6 | SATURDAY "saturday's child works hard for a living" ambitious + materialistic aspiration: fortune {pick one} workaholic lifestyle {adhere to and maintain} achieve 3+ stars in odd jobs

GEN 7 | SUNDAY "and the child born on the sabbath day is bonny and blithe, good and gay" cheerful + non-commital people person lifestyle {adhere to and maintain} max out charisma skill + achieve level 5 in 5 creative skills {3 if playing short lifespan}

[curious-menace]

can u rank iterations of the riddler in terms of how het they aren’t

I have a the best anons :)

Riddler, in general is het'nt. Nothing against het Riddler, het folks or het Headcanons and shipping. This ask made me snort coffee milk out my nose in Starbucks so I'm going to answer it in the joking spirit it was intended

BOTTOM OF THE PILE, CONFIRMED HET, IS GOTHAM RIDDLER. Which is very unfortunate BC he dresses like this and has murdered several women . net loss for the hets imho . I would give him a point back for style but that's not the game we're playing. 0/10(Side note, Cory Michael Smyth 10/10.)

Next up, probably het but we can't know for sure is Telltale riddler. I can't tell you why but he does have very straight vibes. When I ask women what Riddler they want to fuck, 99% of the time it's this one. 2/10

Next is Arkham riddler. Now. I cannon him as bi or bi/ace. However rocksteady are cowards so that's not happening. Arkham Riddler is straight(against my wishes and common sense), but literally no one in gotham believes him. 3.5/10

Hush Riddler. I canon this one is very in the closet. I have a hard time not seeing most riddlers as bi and tbh this one is no exception. Arkham Riddler is afraid of men, he prefers a feminine partner but Hush Riddler isn't fussed, as long as they give him all their attention 24/7. Man's a solid 5/10 on the hetnot scale

Young justice riddler. Gay but he gives me pick-me gay vibes. Any photo of him is mentally lablled gay people I do not respect /j 7/10

Original riddler . If you need me to explain why he's a 9/10 then you haven't been paying attention (couldn't find my pic of of riddles, please accept 66 riddler )

BTAS riddler ! very not straight! not sure in what way but he extrudes lgbtqia+ comfort character vibes. queer icon 10/10 bc i love him

(yes you do eddie. yes you do )

last and certainly not least is Zero year riddler. if you look up "be gay do crime" you see his face. i would say queer patron saint, but that implies he's good. this riddler tortures lgbtqia-phobes for fun. i havent read dark city or secret city yet but im 99% sure its riddler just being dramatic bc he cant fuck bruce wayne. the other 1 percent is him doing fortnite dances or something . 11/10 wears a vest under his fav suit that says trans lives matter 24/7

📷

i think thats all the riddlers or at least all the ones i give a shit about. dont take this post too seriously im just shitposting

[pxppet]

Begin Teeth. Chp. 2

Prodrome. (Part 1)

Prodrome: a medical term for early signs or symptoms of an illness or health problem that appear before the major signs or symptoms start

CW: accidental homophobia, major distress, brief ableism, grief, major character death, anger/argument, flashback & panic, nightmares, sudden intensity & a lot of angst

‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿

Jackie is distressed. All of them can tell.

His hood is up, headphones on, and his skin is covered from skin-on-skin touch with light runner's gloves and some black socks. Everything about him closed off. Jackie is good with his sensory issues usually, and for Jameson it's something he's never seen outside of criminal-intended magicians. Propped up on the kitchen counter, Jameson observes, paranoid.

"Do you think it's the nightmares?"

Jameson startles and looks beside him, finding Chase, in what he thinks is a baseball cap. He points at himself in confusion. Chase laughs quietly.

"Yes you, dork."

"I don't know." Jameson feels tense. "Why is J-B having nightmares?"

"U-uh." Chase straightens his chest. "I-I don't- know, Jamie."

Jameson can hear his anxiety pick up very obviously. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing man, but a-als- also I need to go to work. M-maybe…" Chase's heart drums, he doesn't know what's okay to say. "May… be. Ask him, you should ask him." Not the right thing, shit! "I need to h-head out, but u-um. Just. Take care Jameson. Bye!"

Chase hurries away on guilty feet, and tries to not break down outside before work.

Jameson walks over to Jackie, curled on the sofa. Jackie looks at him, looking thoroughly miserable. "What's up J-B? What happened?"

-- It's the night before.

Jackie wakes from that same dream, but cut off just as Jack becomes Anti- He shoots up, panting and sweating. His phone is going off. At first he's annoyed, but then his chest twists as he realises it's the Nyan Cat tune- Marvin's ringtone.

"Marvin wh-!"

"Jackie, stop, stop."

Jackie does stop, because Marvin sounds like they're crying.

"Jackie, I can't come home. I can't look at that boy. I can't he's too miserable, it took me so, so long to get over Anti- Anti leaving us like that! Only-! Only to find out Jack fucking made someone in a coma and- and Anti just- took him and tortured him. For three years! Jackie I can't look at him I-… I'm not coming home. I'm staying with either Jace, or Marla from Ulula."

"Marv… what? I can't… I need… I need you to be with me. I can't do it alone, I'm-"

"Jackie, grow up!" Marvin suddenly snarls, sobs, voice popping in the microphone. "We're not newborn and I'm not your baby in a cat mask! I'm not a fucking sidekick and I don't owe you being beside you 24-fucking-7!"

"Don't be a dick to me just because you miss Jack! Stop it! Marvin please. I need y-!"

The phone disconnects. Jackie lets it drop to the floor. Slowly curls his legs to his chest and hides his face.

"No one wants you." It lives in his head. "Grow up," it now addendums. Jackie does not sleep the rest of the night.

--

"I'm okay Jamie," Jackie lies. "Just got in a small fight with Marvin."

"Who?"

Jackie balks. "Holy shit. We forgot to tell you about Marvin?!"

"Who?!" Jameson questions again.

"Um. My- Er. Jack's second born. They haven't been around. At they're boyfriends for- for probably a while."

"Jack can make girls?"

Jackie blinks and does a double take. "Um, no. Marvin isn't a girl."

"But M has a boyfriend."

"Yeah..? Jameson they're gay and nonbinary."

Jameson just stares across to him, lips parted and eyebrows drawn in confusion. But, after a moment, something changes in his eyes.

Back in town, a nurse startles at Jack's arm twitching.

"O-K," Jameson spells. "O-K." Something in his head is placing itself, becoming true, but he doesn't know the words.

There's a pause, silence, Jackie chewing the edge of his hood.

He stands suddenly, gloved hands grasping themselves. "Jameson. I need you to… see something. Can you handle a walk?"

--

Jameson, it turns out, cannot. He trips to the ground after about 5 minutes walking. Jackie picks him up from the dirt of the deer-path below, leading into the forest. He gives him a silent look that Jameson has learned means "Are you okay?" Jameson gives him a nod and smile that means "I'm okay." He's been nonverbally communicating with Jackie a lot since he's been at their house.

Jackie lifts Jameson up bridal-style. "We're almost there, I'm sorry. I can take you the rest." Jameson nods and settles against Jackie's chest as he walks. Jackie is always warm. He feels safe.

Jameson notices a orange glow and signs "Cheat," with a smile. Jackie smiles back, but it's… twisted. Sad. Not like him. Jameson lets his own fall away as he registers something.

The static is coming closer, and it has been this whole time.

Blood cools. No, not Jackie first. Anti can't take Jackie first.

"Jackie, put down. I can walk now."

"Oh, y'sure? Okay." Jackie sets him down.

Jameson sprints full force.

Jackie shouts after him, but Jameson doesn't listen, he has to get to master first so he can go home - so Anti won't take any of those bright and gentle souls to the dirt. He's lost Jackie, following the direction it's loudest, sprinting faster than his recovering body should. Master. Brother. Coming home. Goodbye to his friends, Anti is all there is. He stumbles into a clearing covered in yellow flowers. Anti is here, hidden. Jameson puts two fingers in his lips and whistles loudly, desperately, Anti needs to find him first so J-B can go be happy. Jameson rushes the edges, glances behind and up in trees for all he can see. Not the edge, fuck, fuck, did Anti learn invisibility spells just to get him? Anti? Master? Safe? He charges, literally blind, into the bedded flowers-

He trips over an upright stick, falling to his knees. His breaths heave so hard his chest aches. He can't see anything, the full wave of panic hitting him hard. The static has stopped, and he silently cries, on his knees in the fucking dirt.

Jackie shouts for him and, also panting, comes to stand beside him and freezes.

"I'm sorry, I-! Are you okay?!"

"The static!" Jameson sobs.

"Sta… static? Jamie what static?" Jackie squats beside him, gloved hand hovering above his back.

Jameson punches the dirt. "Anti's static is gone! I followed it but he left me!"

Jackie cringes. "Jameson… That's why we came here. To see… Anti. To see Anti."

Jameson's tearful face turns to him violently fast, neck popping. He sits up, looking at the flower beds, not wild but laid neatly. The stick. Not just a stick. A headstone. Jameson can't see, but Anti's name is on it, carved carefully by Jackie.

Jameson's face furrows up, emotion, no emotion. Nothing. Jackie calls him. Nothing. His limbs fall limp, his lips parted and face upward to the bright, bright sun…

And, completely stiffened in place, he has the first catatonic episode of his life.

[peevishpants]

gosh i wanna ask you every question lol. how about 5 28 + 29?

5- answered already :D

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

I have done so many zines it'd be tedious to list em all! My current opinion of zines is that you gotta be REAL careful either as a participant or a customer bc SOME REAL SHADY STUFF HAPPENS! Speaking of which, I'm currently trying to salvage haikyuu flowers zine from the shit hole it fell into over the last year and a half. i'm in hell

Aside from zines, I've attempted inktober pretty much every year (a lot of u probably know me from outfitober 2021!), and I do Hourly Comic Day but it's for my friends' eyes only usually. I've been meaning to do swordtember this year but hoo boy i'm unprepared and unmoisturized we'll see we'll see

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

Oh, almost everything I watch/read nowadays! I feel like I decide to engage in a piece of media either because it's something I want to study for its artistry from the getgo, OR something I want to consume as a consumer, tho not opposed to having some of its elements trickle down into my mind as "inspiration" later on, but not directly

Here's a list of stuff I like and will probably not get into drawing fanart for or mull over my mind in a "studying" capacity, but makes me think nonetheless:

Suits (netflix show about lawyers, it's presented like a series of tense conversations where a cast of asshole lawyers yell at each other in their offices then storm out, over and over again, ad nauseum, i love it)

Funny shows - Silicon Valley, American Vandal, Middleditch and Schwartz, whatever James Acaster has ever spoken in any form at all (they're FUNNY)

Mistborn (book series by brandon sanderson. visually everything is grey/black and i will never draw it but it rocks)

Show Me The Money (korean hip hop survival show. insane and stupid. what more could you want)

Our Flag Means Death (banger. i'm not gay enough to draw OFMD fanart and do it justice)

Dimension 20, Game Changer, Noise Boys (I'm a BLM stan)

3 body problem (love 2 shill it 24/7, but i don't like drawing rockets and black holes)

Omniscient Readers Viewpoint (webnovel. I haven't read the webtoon. I do want to draw MC one day only because the webtoon and fanart usually makes him look handsome which conflicts with my favourite thing about him: that he is canonically really ugly)

Most songs I listen to (I'm not really directly inspired by music! I like to jam out and enjoy listening to it, but I'm generally immune to its mood/thought-altering properties)*

*except Must Have Been The Wind by Alec Benjamin, I still cry every time i hear it and ive never experienced this with any other song i don't know why

[icharchivist]

i made it to the end of chapter 13!! thought this would be a good place to send in an ask, since masumi had his whole deal and the play script was finally revealed! going chronologically as always ^^

wasn't sure as to why ch 6 would be called mr.cellophane and then the moment tsuzuru got frustrated with how he couldn't get a handle on chikage it clicked for me immediately like ohhhh!! like that song chikage purposefully sort of tries to make himself have a bit of mild indistinct atmosphere... that sort of wanting to fade into the background is definitely something new for tsuzuru, since I don't think anyone else in mankai company is like that. i was cheering tsuzuru on for his writer's block but also thinking to myself "man... i haven't written in while" ahah... i felt guilty which is why i'm pausing at chapter 13 instead of going further... i'll be using that time to write a bit. thinking back on the previous chapters, chikage says he's a big fan of spicy stuff but he doesn't even talk to izumi seriously about curry!! she asks him about his favorite spices and he lies about eating the ultimate curry. i mean i figured he'd be shifty because no way would they do the chika-usa reveal so early (side note: i figured the bunny thing was like! i just saw chikage with bunny ears for the year of the rabbit promo a3 is doing rn haha) but like even with just that he really doesn't say much about his interests or anything.

speaking of chikage and izumi, when masumi left them alone and everyone commented how weird that was, i scribbled down in my notes: "did chikage come up to him and be like. I don’t like women. I’m gay." mostly as a joke so to THEN get confronted with the line "don’t touch me. I don’t like women, and I don’t want one touching me. got it?” i. i. well i was pretty on the nose there huh. that scene did NOT go how i thought it would go, though, i was 100% expecting izumi to get pinned to the wall like how it went with hisoka, not for chikage to be startled! i love how chikage's voice did its classic like octave drop (i know it's probably not an actual octave, i can't hear pitches personally but it's my way of decribing a dramatic voice shift) when he was like. dont touch me. that was so good. however masumi being like "i don't think you have to worry about that" interests me SO MUCH because it's like. masumi. masumi did chikage come up to you and tell you this? did u try to intimidate him first and then he said that to you? did u just vibe check him immediately? who knows.

the moment ch 7's title read "thicker than water" i IMMEDIATELY was like "oh! oh! it's masumi's parents" i was... mostly right, in that i'd imagined they were calling him because they decided to stop being neglectful for .2 seconds and wanted their son OUT of that theatre troupe, but... that wasn't the exact case, since first of all, the calls masumi had been declining were not his parents but rather his father's secretary, which is like, even sadder, because its like. oh. that guy can't even be bothered to call himself for something so important? I'm glad that masumi let izumi stay for that conversation--I think as like, a teenager talking to, yknow, his dad's secretary... that's not really a situation where it's easy to stand up for yourself. it's good to have someone in your corner, which izumi fiercely and fully is! i thought it was a nice detail how nonchalant masumi was about his parent's divorce. like. yeah. he probably saw it coming. when suga went "you are still a minor. mr.usui is concerned about you living alone without a parental figure for so long." i was ready to stab him though. like oH YOU JUST REALIZED? WOW. and the way he just absolutely steamrolls over everything izumi says it's really like. wow fuck you. i loved how all of spring troupe (sans chikage) leapt out to defend him though. i thought that was so sweet. sakuya especially!!! being able to say out loud like. even if that is masumis dad that’s a horrible way to treat your son! yes! acknowledge it!! now turn that to yourself! like sakuya has had such... uncaring guardians over the years that i imagine this in particular would be pretty tough for him to see happen.

i really liked masumi and izumi's conversation about the whole thing later like. it kind of puts the whole "wow masumi's such a cool and popular high schooler!" thing in context like oh his family is... wealthy but also masumi wants to be like a good kid. so he'll do his best to get good grades and do well at sports... which i imagine inevitably puts him in the unwanted limelight. it was also pretty chillign to see masumi, who i thnk of as... kind of brat? refusing to even fully vocalize what he wants because he's so used to being like. i need to listen to my parents. wow. he and sakuya should really sit down and talk about what being a "good kid" even means. bc all he needs to do is listen to his parents… and the way the voice progresses from calm and level to breaking a little to getting fully emotional? so well done. tried to inject a little levity in the situation by reminding myself the same VA voices ramuda but it didn't work lol. i really liked how here it was clear that this whole situation for him was about EVERYONE like his line of “if I fight back, it might come around to hurt the mankai company” is very telling like. ah. it's about theatre. it's about every single person in here.

i cheered when tsumugi showed up!! i was just thinking to myself like “no WONDER masumi was telling tsumugi his grandma was the only person he liked” and the bam! tsumugi here to try and track down hatsue. so good of him and once again… if people hadn’t gone through that event how would’ve that been? speaking of hatsue, she was so sweet… she was just like. So happy to hear about masumi, and then gave the entire found family argument i was just WAITING for someone to make, which was very nice. not to crib from the nocturnality quote again, but I really felt like I was seeing the development of “the spring troupe is like a family” (nocturnality) to “the spring troupe IS a family” (here). that was so good. and then literally how the whole of mankai company chases masumi to the airport! even chikage, though he declines at first…

i realize why they never bring it up but i think it’s so fun that they’ve got Famous Actor tenma sumeragi just like, frantically running around the airport with just 2 15 and 20 year olds??? it was nice to see masumi get so emotional after izumi declares that they’re all family, though! I was so happy! and again the voice acting in this scene is so good… it really sells everything more than any of the sprite expressions. I think it’s absolutely crazy we didn’t get a single cg for ANYTHING in this whole week of masumi almost leaving. and hatsue showing up to save the day was nice. the music there too! so dramatic and so fun. i’m glad masumi and his dad got to talk, but personally i’m still pissed off at him for… everything. but i hope those two work things out nonetheless. it does make me wonder how masumi’s mother factors into everything, though…? like even pre-divorce she just seems like a total Non-Existence in masumi’s life. hatsue is related to masumi by his dad, too… i think it would’ve been nice to see something on that other side.

um, and then… and then… *longsuffering sigh* i liked this entire arc so much when i was reading through the chapters, for sure. i think it was very good at showing that masumi cared for like, more than just izumi, even though izumi definitely centered a lot in it. I think it was a very good depiction of like, a kid putting on a brave face and trying to protect the people he loves, with masumi leaving early but still like, promising that he’ll come back and everything. but like, the moment everything’s solved, he immediately is like “i can’t believe you proposed!” to izumi which not only is blatantly misunderstanding izumi’s feelings but also very like… it felt almost mean-spirited to me? like… we just made this huge deal of like. oh masumi this is your family. and izumi even says like. that she wants to take care of him as his guardian? and it felt almost like he was deliberately stepping over like her actual. sincere and important feelings. and then the way like. he immediately made her uncomfortable and then sakyo had to like run into the scene and put a stop to it? that made me so mad. like yeah. sakyo is right. get a hold of yourself. i understand that masumi likes izumi, but whenever he’s forceful about it’s so… it really left a sour taste in my mouth! like i loved seeing him be like yeah i fed tsuzuru protein bars bc he wasn’t eating properly since its like oh good. he’s really acknowledging tsuzuru as family, too, but then i kept thinking back to that scene and getting mad, because it wasn’t a scene that was funny OR sweet it was just weird! and bad! I’m still broken up about it because i really wanted to like, yknow… like masumi more. and i did for so much of this! and then it was really just like… yeah.

sigh. onwards to chikage earning his villain lines. i do like how his voice sounds here—it’s lower but more pleasant, striking a nice mix between the two extremes we’ve seen so far. I was just but wow, the “I was just thinking about how to tear up your precious little family” that’s really… a line. I’d tell chikage to reexamine what he was saying only it’s like. “The Organization thinks you’re dead, you know. Now what would happen to this theatre troupe of yours if I told them that you survived by betraying us?” considering he’s part of this shady as hell evil Organization… i do not think he minds if he sounds a little evil. and the DISTRESS conveyed in the … lines that make up hisoka’s response! but hisoka… literally why have u not spoken to anyone about this. what the fuck. I love seeing the little flashbacks, but i wonder if hisoka is seeing them too? like, is he regaining his memory in pieces? speaking of, that newest flashback… i’m pretty sure the guy who’s being all nitpicky is april, and i love that even back then, marshmallows and hisoka sleeping and going off alone was a theme even pre-amnesia. august mentioning testing a serum he created, though… creepy. what a shady place these three work for. the flash forward to the moon and then the feeling of what i assume was august’s dying body in hisoka’s arms… that got me. I can’t wait to know the full story of that, especially since the idea of “betrayal” is something that can be interpreted very differently for different people.

despite hisoka Saying Nothing, it was good to see that winter checked up on him! homare knowing the rate at which hisoka eats marshmallows… it’s so funny to be that he thinks sooo hard about cost efficiency for this One Thing but as far as i can tell, he does not apply this financial prowess to any other aspect of his life. still it’s lovely that winter all felt comfortable enough to check in with hisoka! it’s easy to see they’ve gotten closer. i wonder if they’d have gotten anywhere if tsuzuru hadn’t came in yelling his frustrations with writer’s block, but honestly… what a mood. time for chikage interview, part 2!

the idea of having a relaxed cafe atmosphere made me really hesitant going into this scene, because in my head i was like. ah. this is giving chikage details on tsuzuru, not the other way around… which really shows my personality haha. if someone like chikage tried to talk to me i’d be like. is this an interrogation? and then pick every answer wayyy too carefully. i had my arms crossed this whole scene like. he better not use ANY of this information for evil. don’t u dare touch the minagi family. but it’s like… wow. he knows tsuzuru’s family situation and he knows masumi’s whole deal and he’s learning how itaru is outside of work… though that one’s a little weird. when they grab chikage during the masumi debacle, he says he had to work through the night, but every time the situation of him rooming with itaru is brought up, things feel… weird. i have to wonder if chikage is… actually living in the dorms? because like, an itaru who uses casual gamer slang is one thing, but the itaru in his gamer pad is a whole other deal. I imagine it’s very nerve-wracking to have someone from work see that (and again. information chikage could use for evil). still, i do hope they work things out, since it seems like itaru’s being a little distant? chikage’s sibling answer was really interesting, though. he asks why tsuzuru needs to look after other troupe members like family, and then mentions that tsuzuru reminds him of someone he knows who got betrayed. and like, even though he spins this whole totally fake tale about this police officer uncle, when he said he had two siblings, he probably meant december and august, right? and august was probably who tsuzuru actually reminded him of. and he says, “the only thing to be found in truth is weakness” when tsuzuru asks him why he likes lying so much, which is not a line that you just… make up, out of nowhere. it was so lovely to see tsuzuru catch chikage’s expression faltering though… like, he started describing it as like “dark” and “like a bottomless pit” and that was the moment I knew he’d be alright… if he starts being able to describe chikage with fancy prose there’s really no way he won’t be able to write a play centered on him. and that’s what he does!

on to everyone’s reactions to the play, firstly i was glad omi made tsuzuru post-fainting food, but secondly i think it’s so funny that chikage has committed to this milquetoast, pleasant person bit so hard that he like. Fundamentally cannot complain about the role he’s been given. i’m just saying, “heroic” or “ordinary person” this is not, which were his two wishy washy suggestions. i do also think it’s cute that sakuya approached chikage so they can do a coin toss every day to like, improve their communication and stuff! but back to the play. Since ch 13 ended here i took a break to 1) listen to the spring troupe (sans chikage) theme songs i hadn’t heard. they were all nice but i very much appreciated gamer’s high simply for all the videogame noises and stuff they added to the instrumental. I thought it was a really effective way to make you feel like. ah. this is itaru. and the harugumi song was so charming!

and 2) i watched the play! like i said i think it’s fun that chikage cannot really complain that tsuzuru was like “I’ll write a play based off of you” and chikage was like “okay!” so tsuzuru went and then was like “this is a play about a HUGE LIAR.” and then the point of the play (at least, as i read it) is “the issue is not that this guy is a HUGE LIAR. the issue is that he is a COWARD who refuses to MAKE FRIENDS” like wow tsuzuru. i think you’re so correct to do it but it’s also so funny that you do. I thought it was interesting that the wicked wizard of the west wasn’t weak to water, here! since the rain oz brought down didn’t melt them immediately. I was really expecting oz to accidentally defeat him that way… but what we got is more interesting, i think. I think the story itself is pretty straightforward so i don’t have too much analysis to make, but knowing that the plays often parallel the real-life a3 events, i’m rather intrigued by the final parts of the play. like i said before, i think the main issue here is not that oz is a liar, but that he specifically wants to abandon the people around him! like the way he almost makes his escape and leaves rick magicless against the wizard of the west. using his blessings, he’s able to trick the wizard into believing he’s more powerful than he is… which is good! it’s good for the city. that kind of trickery is useful, as was that initial trickery to bring piece. reminds me of mp100 reigen haha… anyways. even when oz shows rick his head contraption, rick still believes it’s magic. and i think that is kind of a magic! it takes quite a bit of effort and ingenuity to run a scam like that… it’s a talent. and considering rick keeps doing it even with oz gone, i assume he believes in that. like, i also think that oz should also be more honest, especially emotionally… but being up to some trickery is still fine! and i feel like that’s actually not the biggest issue at first. what with the establishment of this coin toss trick, and sakuya being the first one to fall in a battle, and tsuzuru thinking of rick as sakuya specifically, i have to believe that as chikage and sakuya do that coin toss game, there’s going to be a point where sakuya gets it correct after all—just like that one time rick realizes that oz is lying. and then they’ll force chikage/oz into emotional honesty, hopefully? chikage seems to me like someone who’s not really going to stick around with this troupe, or stick around anywhere considering his work for this Organization… in the same vein, oz has to leave because he has unfinished business back home, which i imagine you could neatly say “in the real world, that unfinished business is this Organization thing” since i doubt it’s the kind of place where they just let you leave it. i do think that if anyone could get through chikage, it’d be sakuya, so I’m rather excited to see how their dynamic develops, and if I get anything right about how they might mirror the play!

omg here you are!! hi!!!! eheheh

omg i didn't even know that song, that's pretty cool. And yeah that sure is new for Tsuzuru there, everyone at Mankai is sort of colorful in their own way. Itaru perhaps used to want to disappear in the background, even before Tsuzuru wrote his script, but at least he was already a secondary character here and well. it didn't last very long. Everyone else is still so distinct. Tsuzuru is just "wtf this company is full of weirdos, where is YOUR weirdo status.". AND HELPP it adds to my theory that when we relate to a chara in a3 we get forced to do self improvement out of relating too hard. good luck wiht your own writer block champion o7 (DLKFJDLF yeah Chikage is associated to bunny everytime so it's his year. Beautiful really). but yeah, he's def dodging things. I think he's too much here to destroy Hisoka's life that he's just, keeping distance with everyone even those he could get along with.

But yeah then there's The Scene. But yeah, man. Chikage sure has. Stuff in his mind huh. But also, i feel you on his voice, i fucking love the voice acting so much (and that's how Wataru Hatano became one of my fav VA so quickly). He's just sooo fucking good at the way he plays with his voice. (rip moment to have to remind you he also voices Shaiapouf in hxh. Unfortunate. But the guy sure has the Range:tm:) But yeah Masumi not being once threatened by Chikage is pretty funny. Caught the vibes:tm:.

Hoping Massu's parents to stop being neglectful and for what. for more batlant emotional neglect. It's so fucked up sobs. But yes, Izumi is so good during that scene and she really helps with Masumi's situation a lot zt least. "you are still a minor. mr.usui is concerned about you living alone without a parental figure for so long." LITERALLY LIKE. OH YOU'RE REALIZING IT NOW. Masumi has been with us for ONE FULL YEAR, what do you tHINK was happening for ONE FULL YEAR for you to worry now!! wow!!!. But yes it's so good all of Spring leaped in his defense it's adorable, esp Sakuya. They really see each other as family at this point and they see one of their own getting neglected this horribly and they're just. wow! not on our watch! And yeah god Sakuya. Seeing how it's unfair when others are treated that way but not applying it to himself. But yeah esp with how Sakuya sees himself as an older brother to Masumi this must have sting so much. The realization they're even more alike, and that their family really gave up on them. it sucks so bad :(.

but yeah the whole stuff this whole bit implies about Masumi is really oof, heavy. Kind of justify Masumi being such a brat since he isolated himself this much due to how well. His father was just sueing kids who would be a little "rough" with him. How do you develop healthy relationship with people when just the unavoidable fact of being accidentally hurt by someone is something you can't afford? Tenma is also an isolated neglected kid who's parents are always afar and has to be half raised by a guy linked to professional work. And himself was a brat and a bit emotionally stunned and could only grow when his troupe, especially Yuki, was in position to call him out and bruise his ego. Masumi meanwhile can't even let people this close. If they "hurt" him, even if it's for a good cause, his parents can attack back. It brings him in a position of self isolation right at the time he needs to interreact with others people in order to grow, and it's stunning him into this sort of bratiness. and i suppose it goes double for people he might end up caring about that ends up in danger for any accident that could happen, which would justify why despite clearly caring more about Spring after the first storyarc, he still keeps his distances re: esp Sakuya. Meanwhile i think it also justify his crush on Izumi. Because she's a responsible adult in a way, she'd be less prone to accidentally cause a situation that would push Masumi away, and meanwhile as an adult she can protect herself from his parents's action more than anyone else. Add to that how he was charmed by her acting and the fact he never had a proper emotional support to tell him the right or wrong way to approach someone (and like, i'm not saying all music is to blame but a lot of songs can have for text more passionate display of love that could really skew with his perception of things). Not that i justify it bc i still hate this crush but at least it makes me think it comes from an understandable place. But yeah i agree with you, it'd be nice him and Sakuya discusses the pressure of being a good kid for people who are just neglecting them. and yeah Masumi's voice acting is just, so so good. Shirai Yusuke really does a fantastic job with it. And meanwhile yeah Masumi cares for the whole theater!!! he doesn't show it as much but he cares so much!!!!!

AND YEAH TSUMUGI OUR HERO!!! No wonder in the recent webcomics about Tsumugi's bday you see Masumi wanting to do good by him now, you can see how much Tsumugi was a good influence on that kid. And talk about having an adult that listens to you and remembers about you enough to help you out. Tsumugi full blown MVP. AND YEAH for people who hadn't read this event it's just. it would be so random!! like, we kinda knew before the event that they had their love for their grandma in common because it's the name of their relationship in the Coin Talk (Grandma's boys) and i think they have a link skill for it, so some players who haven't played the events may be vaguely aware of it. One of my friend was in this situation, she read all the events except the one Masumi and Tsumugi discuss their grandma bc it was the only event she wasn't there to grind, and when she reached this chap she was a bit confused that it was acknowledged in the story while it was only mentioned in passing so far, and i had to mention it was in the event she didn't read that it was told. Anyway Hatsue was really so good!!! we stan a grandma that's willing to call out her son when things hit the fan. She really cares a lot about Masumi and understands a found family is just as valid and it's SO sweet. And YEAH WHOLE OF MANKAI CHASING AFTER HIM IS SO SWEET.

AND YEAH LMAOO. Tenma, famous guy, probably reliving a drama he played in before chasing someone in the airport. Beautiful. It's so nice to see Masumi truly get properly emotional about all of it. It could have been a good time for a CG yeah sobs. I feel like a3 kinda has this trope of, a father being neglectful and controlling to a really insulting level but then they discuss with their sons and communication save the day, but we're still left with the bitter taste in our mouth of just how fucked up the whole thing was LMAO. Like with Tenma for example. It sucks because on a narrative level i would really love the fathers to get a much harder treatment, but on a realistic level i understand that they want to show that things can work out eventually. Cool conclusion still mad at those guys! yeah i don't really recall hearing about Masumi's mom so it's a good question.

and yeaaaah here's we're back to Masumi being annoying sobs. This arc was genuinely so good and it did such a good work on making me care for Masumi, and it gave me a lot of insight into his personality that i can still use more to think of him in a more depth way, but then they go back to the obsession and he is just so. Out of touch. Like on one hand i see it, like i said, the guy has no proper way to judge how a normal relationship is like and all, but god just because it makes sense doesn't mean it's tiring as fuck, especially in the way it undercut the very emotional scene of the whole of Mankai being here for him only to bring back the attention on his crush. I totally feel you on the reading of how mean spirited it is. Esp with saying all that while all of Mankai is watching like, bro. Bro they're all. there for you. It's really frustrating and i fault the writing still on wanting just to keep Masumi in the archetype they first established for him (the sort of yandere boyfriend type) without taking into account the organical development they got for him. Like, they know they can do more with him. They did it the whole chapter so far. But then suddenly even if he evolves on his issues he has to return to the statusquo of his "appeal" toward fan and it clashes with the narrative build up. It's really tragic. At least Sakyo is here to calm things down, in Sakyo we trust. Masumi caring more for his troupe is really sweet to see yeah, and personally i want to focus on those bits, but i'm with you on how when Masumi goes out of line with Izumi it makes it so sour it's hard to get back to the rest of his characterization. Masumi is often such a wasted opportunity and it really stings even more when you see just how good it could be if they focused on the others aspects they put on his character.

Anyway let's talk about characters who are evil on purpose at least: CHIKAGEEEE. It's such a line, the guy really is dedicated in being the villain it's truly chilling. I def think he's sounding evil on purpose because he WANTs to distress Hisoka, he WANTS Hisoka to face the hurt he has done, and he wants to hurt him as much as Chikage was hurt. It's unfair, especially considering WE know what Chikage believes from Hisoka is unlikely to be true (we know Hisoka doesn't remember, Chikage still refuses to accept it. And we believe Hisoka has survivor guilt, not that he definitely had a hand in the killing. And we know that Hisoka losing his memories is the main reason he "ran away", even if we don't know if he lost his memories before or after he had reasons to run off). But i would definitely think Chikage isn't thinking fairly or anything. He had one year to let his feelings fester and he probably just is only thinking through the scope of his own hurt at this point. But Hisoka getting distressed really broke my heart. Like i'm seeing more to Chikage's behavior now (without even having to take spoilers into accounts), but when i first read it i was yelling the whole time insulting Chikage because how fucking dare he make my angel this distressed. He did nothing wrong! even if he killed people! he's my meow meow! i think Hisoka, despite telling his whole troupe that they can rely on each other, doesn't know still how to reach out to them now that real distress came his way. And i would assume that the guilt of his possible crime makes him unable to think clearly, as in, perhaps he deserves this punishment? He doesn't know, he doesn't remember. In my opinion the flashbacks we're getting are stuff Hisoka does remember so pieces are starting to form in his mind that he knew April, he knew the August he talked about, and he knows he stood over August's dead body. I think it makes it harder for Hisoka to not believe Chikage when Chikage accuses him of crime, and to believe he must have hurt Chikage despite the two of them being seemingly close (even if Chikage was a twat in the flashbacks lmao). And therefore it makes it harder for him to face the logical situation when his emotions tells him "you hurt the man in front of you with the crimes you went in denial about and comfortably are trying to forget as if those crimes would disappear just because of it". And it would lead him to believe he deserves a punishment and makes it harder to come clean about all of this. Not to mention it would mean explaining his involvement and he has all the reasons to not want to disclose all of this just yet.

BUT YES WINTER IS LOVE WINTER IS CARE WE LOVE WINTER IN THIS HOUSE. The fact Homare could figure out something was wrong with just this metric means the world to me. It's only the Taking Care of Hisoka's concern measure, nothing else. They've really got really close. All of Winter is really doing a lot more work in trying to connect with one another in a way they wouldn't have back in the first chapter. (insert: how do people who haven't read MMMBM&Nocturnaltiy know!!). They're really doing so so good i love them so much.

back to Chikage and oooooo boy. AND YEAH MAN Chikage really manages to fish more on Tsuzuru with all of this it's so creepy. Tsuzuru is so trusting and all. I'm not going to say anything but yeah the whole situation sure is weird. It's sure nerveswracking though yea Love how so far it's all just "Chikage could be evil there" while it's true. little evil little man. Chikage's answer tho IS really interesting. I do feel like it's the typical "Liar lies so much that he can slip a bit of the truth under layers of untruth". If Tsuzuru is like August, then Chikage must have a soft spot to him even if he's still keeping his distances. Many thoughts but yeah, eventually it'll protect Tsuzuru a bit. His justifications about his lying is just so. muah. Chief kiss. We can still find your weaknesses in your lies tho <3 but i LOVE how Tsuzuru finally clicked on something like. Chikage tried to turn the whole thing into a psychological warfare against Tsuzuru and finding out his weaknesses and Tsuzuru really just turned it around like "weak point noticed, writer powers ON.". It's so funny to me. Can't escape your therapy Chikage, Tsuzuru is already on it!!!

I love how by now people learn to take care of Tsuzuru post script writing. It becomes so usual at this point all they can do is lessen the backlash. There's something so homie about it. homie, omi, it fits. AND HELPPP. Chikage really is in a weird situation isn't he. He tried so hard to play on a role of nice and pleasant and Tsuzuru really just destroyed him with "anyway mister Liar, here's how i see your therapy go." Sakuya is adorable though yes. He's really trying so hard despite chikage having built so many walls.

and then there's the rest okay

The songs are all very nice yess!!! I'm growing more and more found of Tsuzuru's song these days, and Masumi's song is really nice but i hate the lyrics so rip. But Gamer High is truly another level ti's really fun, this is so Itaru. The Harugumi song is soo charming yes! (you'll be able to listen to Chikage's first solo by the end of Awakening Moon at least ;D)

and the play!! it was such a nice play!!! I love Tsuzuru's subtle roasts. Chikage really tried to be normal and Tsuzuru is just anyway here's how i'm going to fix him 4k 2hours, let's G- It's really so funny i respect Tsuzuru so much. I think the play we get is really so interesting in the end yeah. The play is straightforward and fun, and for the analysis, i can't really comment on it since yaknow, more to come, but i really like your thoughts there. "reminds me of Reigen" NOW THAT'S A COMMENT. But yeah the play is really interesting and it's fun to see how it might reflect with the Spring Troupe for real :3c can't wait until you reach it all

Once again, thank you SOOO much for the long comment!! i love reading through your thoughts!! good luck with your writer block and i'm looking forward to see you again eheh :3c

[ralbeleren]

tagged by @mixmetawin... thanks beloved <3

1. your all time favorite bl and why

Oof this is so hard. I guess I'm gonna say Manner of Death tho. It kind of broke all my previous favorites because I adored it so much. So unique and interesting. Plus Max & Tul are just next level. I know maybe I'm just obsessed...

But honestly as an adult just seeing adults living their normal lives and having a healthy relationship (for the most part...) is just refreshing to see. And it's so unapologetic too! As much as I feel coming out/coming to terms with sexuality stories are important I appreciated that Tan & Bun were just gay men who found each other.

2. that one bl that scarred you for life

nothing i've watched has really been "scarring" most of that is reserved for western queer movies/shows that pull bury your gays out of nowhere. (looking at u monster pies.)

3. is there any bl that made you feel very single?

I've been with my boyfriend for fifteen years so no 🥰

4. if you could change one thing from a bl, which one would it be?

The most egregious thing about Water Boyy, imo, which was erasing the fact that Pan was a lesbian.

5. that one bl you detest (don’t hold back)

Seconding Th*rnType... gross gross gross. Type's character is just so vile to watch. Tharn is worse! Way too much Sexual Assault that's seen as romantic. Character assassination to the best actor in the series (Kaownah) .

Also Fish Upon the Sky. Aesthetically great pairing but legit Mork was the most insufferable.

6. your top five:

1. Manner of Death

2. A Tale of a Thousand Stars

3. Dark Blue Kiss

4. My Engineer

5. Theory of Love

7. that trashy bl that you lowkey like

Tonhon Chonlatee, Water Boyy... I know they're both Not Very Good but honestly, there's some great things about both that I like. Things I'd change but u know.

Agree with @mixmetawin that Khaotung's dance scene in TC was top tier.

And despite all it's faults, Water Boyy had some really great scenes. (THE CINDERELLA PLAY.)

8. your favorite korean bl (it’s important we know)

n/a; haven't watched any.

9. but also your top 3 for kbls

n/a; haven't watched any.

10. season 2? which one?

Still 2gether, I think is probably the best one. I did like Sotus S for what it was. Mostly they're bad tho (TWM: the next chapter and puppy honey 2 i'm looking at you.)

11. a bunch of dramas will air soon. which ones are you the most excited for?

one i can't mention >_>;;, moonlight chicken, never let me go, love stage, bittersweet, (pls give me a release date for my engineer s2)

i know this was bl focused but gap the series and the love planner also.

12. Tag Them

@piningbisexuals, @disaster-j, @ahysopae, @xagan, @demiromanticmickey, @wavescutegreenhat, @icmonsters

[spiritingawaytoanime]

< mutuals >

aka, my favorite people on this godforsaken hellsite

in no particular order, just how i saw you guys on my followers page anyway this is my excuse to geek out about yall cause <3

@tama-jam been putting up with my bs for 9 years now love her. talented artist and writer and musician and I could literally talk about you for hours but I'm not gonna so I don't write a 12 paragraph essay

@topazastral we really don't talk much? ur super super cool tho I'm just bad at talking to people lol

@radioactive-gold been dealing w my shit for 2+ years and love em for it. keep talking about ur gay exy boys forever please

@decora-peaches one of my first kick ass followers on my writing blog and I still appreciate you to this day <33333

@asleep-on-the-moon !!! you!!!! ur so funny and for what. we need to talk more

@maizumis WE HAVENT TALKED IN FOREVER ARE YOU ACTIVE ARE YOU ALIVE I MISS YOU /nm

@domestic-void literally an angel I still reread that lev fic bc that's how I met you you're so sweet <3

@atomicfanboy platonic bf #1 I love you

@shirari we r stressed about school and vibing. i need to figure out how tf to write for shirabu so I can write fic specifically catered towards you. also you're such a talented artist??

@mysterystarz wife #2 (only #2 bc inez was first I'm sorry). can and will fight akaashi for your heart

@shoyotime wife #1 and I remember following u and talking to you when I was a measely little blogger at 100 followers or less and u had just hit 400 and now ur like super famous I'm so proud of you babe

@ellesmain TUMBLR BIG SISTER NUMBER ONE BEST SISTER RIGHT HERE also one of my top fav writers on here your stuff is so good teach me your secrets. also ur so pretty ugh

@t0mmyfly WE USED TO TALK A LOT AND NOW WE DONT MUCH ANYMORE HI ARE YOU STILL ALIVE I MISS U

@oni-girx SEE ABOVE ^ WE USED TO TALK IN THAT GROUP CHAT HIKARI MADE BUT WE ALL LOST TOUCH R U GOOD HOW IS UR LIFE

@agonyaster my favorite fuckin little sibling ever I'm so platonically in love w you. thank u for the albedo luck you can have all of my itto luck.

@possiblypoe gay ass /j. anyway thanks for letting me geek out about my characters and thanks for being gay for them and plz keep talking about tokyo rev and jjk forever

@haikyuuublog we do not talk v much however!!! ur very cool and funny <3 /p

@0ltremareart CAN U CALL MY STARSTRUCK OMFG gonna expose myself here but I didn't realize we were mutuals and the first time I talked to you I was so nervous and then. and then I realized like 4 minutes after I sent an ask that we were mutuals . hihc apparently you think I'm cool enough to follow so I shouldn't have been embarrassed. so then I just screamed into a pillow for 2 hours bc I was embarrassed <//3 anyway matchablossom rights

@k-kazvha WE WILL GET ALBEDO ITS GONNA HAPPEN WE WILL GET THE BOY also when I finish this dumb world quest I cant do we should play genshin together

@i-li we have not talked in a while but you are very chill!! i haven't seen you online a lot I dunno if that's me or my dash being dumb and not letting me see ur posts

@criso ANGEL ARTIST OMFG we met and had nothing in common and now I gay panic to you 24/7 and geek out about sk8 and yuri on ice and its wonderful <3

@atsuvu you give such strong friend vibes like. just that really cool chill friend that everyone loves I hope u know that

@kitacharm we need to talk more I feel like I only talk to you through nova but that's alright. one day when I start being able to talk to people I will yell about random things in ur inbox

@animated-moon tendou supremacy. also ur like super sweet and give me big sibling vibes. but like the slight crackhead energy older sibling vibes

@kodzukoi another one that gives me older sibling vibes I feel like people are just gonna start adopting me at this point

@merucry tumblr dad officially ily and I still look at that fairy thing u drew me in that one day

@rudolphsboyfriend LITERALLY TALENTED. INCREDIBLE. LOML /p HOW DO YOU DO WHAT YOU DO god the gender envy I get from you /hj

@kade-is-gay PRONOUN BUDS <3 what can I say about u ur so awesome

@chuupetarou platonic fiance and fellow cherry simp I cannot wait to get to know u better. lets be gay and piss off the conservatives together <3

@rqkuya YOUUUUUUUi cant wait till the day I pass you in ar rankings which is never gonna happen but that's okay ur awesome ily. rosaven supremacy

@coastalmangoes I don't think we've ever interacted personally but ur really funny and rb good stuff

@official-lucifers-child starstruck part 2 you're SO COOL I didn't think you were still following me tbh anyway hi!! you also give strong older sibling energy although I don't. i don't think you're that much older than me but that's alright lol /pos

who knew I had this many mutuals wow