#i have. cried so much today
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me when dick grayson calls his crime lord baby brother who just wants to come home "little wing"
#i have fallen down the rabbit hole of 'red hood's revenge goes wrong (in a good way)' fics and i NEVER WANT TO CLIMB OUT!!!!!#i have. cried so much today#batfam#dick grayson#jason todd#dc tag#ramble on
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close again and closer still
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuuji#megumi#as promised ! a break from the angst pls accept my humble apology fr any and all emotional damage#coping is nonlinear and today i cope with itfs making out#fr some reason these took a lot longer than they should have tho????#i think its just tht kissing poses take so much effort 2 get to look natural cries#it takes so much out of me every time sighs i gave up fully rendering th top one bc i just want 2 b done#happy w them tho !#god i have . such a weakness fr megu grabbing @ yuuji's hood i blame that one scene#hands in clothes hands in hair hands on neck i CRY#fushiguro touch starved megumi is Eating in this household today
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#va appeal hearing was today#not a fun time to have to try to granularly recall everything that. yknow. permanently destroyed my body and mind and life.#probably went fine? definitely cried in front of the judge but everyone was super cool about it.#also thank god my wife was there they let her give testimony as both my wife and as a doctor#(which she is)#(obviously)#but like I'm still So Sick and it's all this up and down and we're still fighting to get stabilized so I usually don't have time or energy#to like stop and look around at the quicksand I've been keeping myself afloat in this whole time#but today was very much 'hey tell me about this quicksand huh'#and it's just like a lot to deal with yknow#I'll be fine it's just A Lot#anyway shoutout to the folks who are either kind or nosy enough to read my tag rambles all the time lol#(the actual decision will still take up to 2 more years btw)#(hopefully not! but they said it could)#(although apparently a board denial isn't the end of the road anymore which is news to me)#(maybe they changed it in the 44 months since I filed for the appeal hearing lol)#(not a typo)#favorites
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i am sadly one of those people who are super insicure of themselves after any social interaction, I go over and over again in my head and feel irrationally bad bc my brain tells me I was awkward, and probably came off as weird and so on. But you know what brain? I had the social interaction. I did it. I spoke out loud to people and had a conversation instead of freezing and feeling unable to talk. So fuck it if I came off as weird and awkward, I am weird and awkward and it's okay, because I did something that just a few years ago would have been even more of a struggle, and even earlier than that it would have been close to impossible.
#i have to keep reminding myself this thing over and over#brain we are not focusing on the way people percieve us we are focusing on the progress we have made through the years#today my brain is bullying me quite a bit over this thing bc i am stressed and i was at work all morning so i had to deal with people#but you know what? i did it and i did my job and i was much more comfortable doing things a few years ago scared me like#casually talking to people and dealing with money#and you know what? when i didn't know what to do or i wasn't sure i asked for help and it was all okay#and people coming into the shop are never rude if they see i have to ask for support to my mom or my brother bc i very casually work there#so i know basic stuff but not everything and that is fine#and if sometimes i need to use a calculator to sum up the prices of things it's okay#and if sometimes a regular knows the prices of what they have to pay already and i have to check it once or even twice it's okay#wow this turned out to be a longer rand than expected but i might need to reread this in the future#note to self#cris speaks
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Tagged by @smushedmuffin to take this uquiz
Thanks for the tag!!!
My day has been far too long to explain to y’all how badly this has called me out right now.
Tagging (me pressure): @serendipminie @loveable-sea-lemon @we-survive-endlessly @haahka and anyone else who wants to participate can blame me
#tag game#about the weirdo who runs this blog#hi my bread friend!!!#seriously like wtf did I do to get called out this much#I went to work. I’ve been home for like an hour and a half (I forgor to do this until now shhhh. my brain is soup.)#literally all I’ve done today is my actual paying job and reading fanfic before work bcs I closed so I had to kill before hand.#had time to kill * fuck words#also I may or may not have cried at the result. We’re not talking about it
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Please vote today
#that’s it#that’s the post#I bought wine for tonight and I��m not really a big drinker but I already want to unhealthily cope with today#another historic day I’m sure#fucking hate historic days#I hate crying#I’ve cried so much the past few days#hate the specific heaviness of being a millennial#if applicable to you#I’m exhausted#what am I supposed to do with two little girls if Trump wins?#fuck anyone who makes me feel the feeling of regret over having my babies#I already want to throw up or get blackout drunk or both#fuck anyone who votes for Trump#fuck anyone who chooses not to vote#fuck anyone who thinks abstaining from voting proves any kind of point#fuck anyone who votes for Jill Stein#fuck anyone who doesn’t vote for Kamala Harris#the weight and enormity of this makes me feel like I’m going insane#I hate being so goddamn angry all the time
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Tokucember Day 19: Anniversary
I didn't really know how to interpret this one but uh Kuuga turns 25 next month sooooo old goichi for you today. Ichijo would be turning 51 this year, cute right? In 2025 godai has a smartphone but hasn't quite mastered selfie taking :)
Full pic under the cut:
#kamen rider kuuga#godai yusuke#ichijo kaoru#art#my post#tokucember#some hcs:#i think ichijo would have some bigger noticeable scars from the grongi encounters and dangerous police cases#and then it contrasts with godai who has none because of the amada- *cries*#i also feel like godai would get like tattoos on his travels esp if it was like cultural#but idk if he could like would the amadam just break down the ink or what#thoughts thinking#idk if i 100% ascribe to godai having longer hair and a beard i kinda just wanted to vary up the look. but maybe i dont hate the idea#also i have a lot of thoughts about godai and technology#also ik it looks like ichijo is wearing a suit but its actually a button up and cardigan its 2025 he has more casual clothes by now#i clarify because its important TO ME#but ughh i struggled so hard with this one today and honestly id like redo it if i could but ig one of the good things about tokucember#is like you get one day then just move on dont dwell on it you will make so much art in your life hopefully not everything has to be great
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oh dear lord i love this
#i have cried so much today#i was at work when the race ended and i was CRYING#came home replayed everything and sobbed#im so proud of him#sad for oscar#carlos watch your fucking back#lando norris#mclaren racing#mclaren#f1#formula 1#oscar piastri#landoscar
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otis 🤝 guildford choosing olympia and jane respectively for their smarts - odd squad (2014) // my lady jane (2024)
#I can’t believe I only realized this parallel today#my favorite platonic ship and my current favorite romantic ship#he CHOSE her to be his partner#he chose her to be his partner bc he knew that she was smart#and on top of that they both have animal related secrets#and the reveal of each of their secret is WILD#and it became important for them to embrace their animal side in order to save the day in the finale#AND ON TOP OF THAT THEY FELT/WERE MOMENTARILY BETRAYED BY THEIR PARTNER#but all is okay bc they reconciled (very differently but both reunions were very emotional)#AND WHAT IF I CRIED#I love them all so much 😭#olympia and otis#perfect partners#olympia#otis#anna cathcart#isaac kragten#odd squad#odd squad pbs kids#odd squad season 2#jane x guildford#janeford#jane grey#guildford dudley#edward bluemel#emily bader#my lady jane#cinematic parallels#rambles in the palace
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Luke via Shan Rizwan on IG
#all the love to ig user Shan Rizwan for the content today but Tumblr is tumblring & i had to keep editing the pic to get it to post 😭😭#5sos#5 seconds of summer#luke hemmings#luke#instagram#other ig#boy ep#boy#my tags for this era are so inconsistent I really need to figure out what I'm doing 😭😭😭#kh4f post#so yeah Tumblr deleted my og post and like 3 reposts so i have no idea what my tags were originally#i definitely mentioned that he is tall#and perhaps broad#I probably acted like i wasn't looking at his neck but dear reader I am looking at his neck#definitely noted how much i love that his hair is growing out#i need long hair Luke back in time for my show 😭😭#long hair Luke at the Fonda last year was a miracle and a surprise and a religious experience can lightning strike twice for me pls#manifest it oh please hear me cries dear thirst gods don't i deserve a lil treat#anyways#Luke in a suit with a T-shirt and sneakers is my preferred Luke in case you were wondering#yeah Vampire Luke has been fun yeah Model Luke is great and obviously slutty stage Luke is Important#but suit + t-shirt is just 🤌🏻 everything idk why#i had more to say but then i got distracted looking at the forehead curls#bye 🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️
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Sammon watched the pool scene of kpts episode 14, found it amazing and said "I want to write that in a show, too." Unfortunately, she never got to watch the post-credit hospital scene.
#SAMMON WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK#I watched the KornTonkla scene twice and cried my eyes out#I couldn't fucking breathe#God it's so tragic and so fitting and so perfect#blow after blow after blow I loved their end so much#I won't speak about the rest of the episode it was fine#we got a lot of good moments#but yeah nobody touch me right now I'm busy I have to go lie down and sob#I'll find the music of the last ep tomorrow I don't have the mental strength for it today#Tonkla you're right up there with Pete my dude#and if you stick to my brain for long enough I found a second tattoo I want to have#thanks Fuaiz you shouldn't have#4 minutes#korntonkla
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not an ask, but I saw ur post and relate a lot to it.
anticipatory grief sucks. people will tell you not to think about it, not to let it steal from today, but some days are just so hard. sometimes it feels unavoidable, like it’s some goliath mountain in the distance or even the sky and you can’t not look at it. it’s like you have to keep trying to distract yourself not to think about it, and it’s exhausting, and you’re so fucking scared of the inevitable.
like how does anyone even function? the idea of the world continuing to spin when there’s this terrible, horrible thing that will happen some day is unfathomable but it does, and it’s horrible. Some day will mark the before and the after. nobody can ever be ready for it.
I hope the love you have keeps you strong. wishing you the best.
this is literally it. i know thinking about it Now wont make the actual day it happens any easier. but it's impossible to not think about it, especially since there's no tangible way to preserve memories or feelings or the like forever. i cry easily and get emotional over most anything and everything, which is another layer of difficulty wrt it because I spiral. I want to squeeze out of my body. im not meant for any of it
#skunk mail#Anonymous#ill be in a car with my dad fighting tears thinking about how ill miss it one day and there's no way for my brain to capture the moment and#make a simulation of it. and even then that wouldnt help. ykwim#sometimes i sit in my parents room while my parents and brother are there and i cant stop thinking about when ill see them for the last tim#and how i wish i could full really truly wring every last drop of ''appreciation'' from the moment.#i think about that time isnt linear thing. how everything that has happened or will happen exists on its own#and i think about the cheye experiencing the After tragedy. and i cant handle it. not now or then. i envy the past cheye#even the one of 5 seconds ago. because that was 5 seconds ive lost. 5 seconds closer to events that will#separate my life into Before and After. over and over again#(like you said anon. i think abt that all the time too)#i think this is also why im struggling with the thought of moving out#we all have so little time. dont even get me started on the fear and grief i feel for my own life#not only fearing dying but fearing the lead up where ive lost and cried over much. just me. alone.#ill never see them again. it will never be today again. we'll never be in my parents room like today again. i cant take it.#even if i spend every last second with everybody i still wont be able to take it. i cant believe it#human beings that were all somebody's baby once. tomorrow it will be like they were never here at all. all their memories#go with them. it hurts so bad. i cant take it#i cant even breathe rn ruminating abt it *peace sign emoji*
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I haven’t been on tumblr in awhile and I was actually scared to come on here after Liam’s death. Every app I open it’s just Liam. And I get so fucking sad everytime and I’m just tired of being sad. This hurts so much, I can’t wrap my head around it fully still. I feel like this news should have reached me in like my 70s. Not my 20s.
Liam, you’ll be missed forever by billions of people. Rest easy now. 🪽❤️🩹
#liam payne#one direction#I hate this#rest in peace Liam#wish we could have saved you like you saved us#i’ve cried so much today#i hate crying#but I can’t help it
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For the boys who cry. (Me).
I'M A REAL BOY BOY AND I CRY
I LOVE MYSELF AND I WANT TO TRY
(Lyrics from Samaritans by Idles)
Background with no text cuz i'm way proud of it
#forcemasc#eh im hesitant to even put it in tags cuz my hearts rlly not in it today but#my positive masculine affirmations i usually categorise alongside my more forceful forcemasc#so its ok i think. enjoy. and know its ok to cry and be emotional. shits rough sometimes#be a better man than our dads were eh? im always striving for that#this song very much is one i relate to as someone who bought into toxic ideals to try and be me#and then am slowly having to relearn what being a man can be to me without buying into the toxicity that poisons the male role models in my#life. cuz i dont wanna be my dad or step dad lol. n theyre the types who've said this shit to me bout manning up growing balls#and it feels even more rebellious masculine and powerful to me to spit in that and go no fuck you. im a real man and i cry#and it doesnt make me any less of a man or less tough or hard#or less able to partake in hard masculine spaces and aesthetics#i can be a man who cries AND a man who can leave a bootprint on your face to remind you where you belong hah#thats part of whats nice abt forcemasc is a kink space where you CAN delve into harder more brutal things while compartmentalising#that thought process seperately from yr non-kink worldview of emotional regulation and emotional health! or whatever idk lol
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Congratulations on nothing. I'm back to drawing LoV again after a bit of a break
those are mostly just a redraw practice for fun Toga is a try in "more canon way of drawing" with color practice too
I'm sorry that it's in russian because I have to have some will to localize jokes that came into my head while drawing it
it's like... a robot au??? or something, mostly just a joke "what if AFo just built Tenko and changed what he wanted"
and this is a joke about our 'favorite' 419 plot twist so it's basically just a bunch of joked about AFO failing to get any way to get control instead Tenko's head is not empty. It downloaded games, friends and stuff about being a hero but NOT as a literal hero, more on "villains need help I'm a hero then" way
and yes that text behind is "hands" written all over the place bc I wanted to add hands in handwritten form
#fanart#sketch#bnha#my art#toya todoroki#dabi#toga himiko#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#league of villains#mha fanart#kinda robot au#I love drawing Tenko in this “I have no thoughts” eyes I always wonder what was his life back in that period#I have a lot of questions#but sadly it's not plot relevant so no info for us#:( sigh#alrightI'll do it myself >:( as many others did#but I like to think of that period with gloves or the mix of time without them but before he got a new name#I just want to understand how to write him#I know how but the little one#he's not like a normal kid and not a just trauma kid too#I hate how I'm slowly getting obsessed again and it already made me cry like 5 times bc I'm like THEY'RE DEADDDD *cries*#and 5 mins later oh! FUN THEY'RE ALIVE AND WELL bc I just turned on MVA#MVA anime is my guilty plesure I feel like home in a way that a place that is not home is home but home not comfy but familiar#plus it doesn't feel like an anime after so many rewatches it's like oh those guys are trying again I love that#still thinking of some of the topics I want to write about#but not rn I'm going to bed good night#also I thought of Toga's talk with Ochako she's still right#I tried to bottle up my emotions and feelings about LoV and today I had like an obsession with them without a break#because I missed liking them so much
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