#i have unlocked the Bad Feelings no matter what i eat or what quantity

[anaalnathrakhs]

food is. evil.

[moonlit-jeno]

foolish (m.)

pairing: wong yukhei x reader

genre: explicit sexual content | slight angst

words: 2.7k

The little gray bubble stares up at you mockingly, your phone screen glaringly bright compared to the darkness of the night. You type, delete, retype. Lock your phone, shove your face into your pillow and scream. Pick your phone back up, and repeat.

You promised you wouldn’t do this. The pounding of your heart against your chest reminds you what a bad idea this is, the sudden shakiness of your hands as you clutch your phone. You remember last time, how you’d ended up at Hendery’s doorstep, sobbing and babbling about how you thought it would be different this time, about how you thought he was different.

But it’s late and your bed is so empty and fuck, it’s already been a month since the last time you’d seen him. Texts of “I miss you” and “you’re the most perfect girl i’ve ever met” cut a little deeper, seem a little more genuine in the loneliness of the night.

It’s a bad idea. You should’ve blocked him. You still can block him. The phone wobbles in your hand as your thumb hovers over the button. Another text pops in.

lucas [1:13am]: please baby, i need you so bad

That does it. That feeling of being needed fills you, makes you smile as you picture him laying alone in bed, you on his mind.

You forget the block button and type out a quick message.

you [1:15am]: how bad?

lucas [1:19am ]: {one attachment}

Fuck. He’s palming himself in the picture, hand somehow looking small compared to the hardness pressed against his sweatpants. Lucas is shirtless and the picture captures his abs, cuts off just above where his plump lips are parted.

you [1:20am] : doors unlocked

You’re weak.

Lucas only takes 10 minutes to get to your apartment. You don’t actually leave the door unlocked, your subconscious’s final effort to keep you protected, and so when he knocks on the door it’s rapid and impatient.

One look through the peephole confirms that it’s only him in the desolate hallways and you open the door, wearing nothing but the red lingerie you know he loves.

He gapes at you for a moment, mouth opening and closing like a fish as his eyes run up and down your body hungrily. You tug him inside with a hand on his wrist and that seems to snap him out of it. “Holy fuck,” He growls, turning you around and pressing you up against the door. “The things you do to me.”

“And what do I do to you?” You ask as innocently as possible, made difficult with his lips on your neck, his body pressed against yours. He slips his thigh in between yours and grinds it against your core, making you whine and grip onto his shoulders.

“I think you know.” He laughs, but it’s humorless. His lips press against yours hungrily and you welcome him, losing yourself in the man in front of you. “But let me show you, just in case you were confused.

It’s easy for Lucas to pick you up and carry you to your bedroom, throwing you onto the bed with enough force that you bounce a few times. He pauses to take his shirt off, throwing it to the corner of your room. And then he just looks at you, groaning softly as he drinks in the image of you all laid out for him.

“I can’t stop thinking about you.” He seems almost annoyed as he says it, crawling onto the bed and hovering over you.

“I bet you say that to every girl you sleep with.” You’re stupid to say that, because any response he gives is going to destroy you.

Lucas attaches his lips to your neck, kissing you softly before moving down your body. He bites gently at your nipple and you arch against him. “You’re wrong. None of those other girls have anything on you.”

It’s the worst response you could’ve gotten. Because it gives you hope, makes you think that you actually matter to him. At least you would still be grounded in reality if he agreed with you.

He massages your breasts with those large hands of his, pausing to undo the clasp on the front. Sweet kisses are pressed to the flesh, his tongue darting out to swipe at your nipple. “Yeah? And what makes me so different?”

You shouldn’t ask. Because you know that it’s going to be a bunch of bullshit, and it’s going to float around your head for weeks until you find him under yet another girl and your heart breaks all over again.

“I can’t get you out of my head.” He responds, kissing his way down your stomach. “All I can think about are those sweet noises you make, the way you fucking melt under me.”

His hands caress your body so lovingly that it’s easy to pretend that he cares. And you shouldn’t give in to that fantasy, but it’s so easy to let that barrier crumble, to let the pleasure drown out the voice screaming out how bad of an idea this is.

Never sleep with an ex. It’s in every book, every show, every song. Hendery and Renjun tell you that so often that the words play on a never ending loop. But it’s different because it’s Lucas. He’s kind and sweet and you’re still so hopelessly in love with him.

He sucks a hickey into your hip bone and you squirm, thighs trying desperately to clench together for some much needed friction. “And your pussy is so tight baby, so small. No matter how many times I fuck you, you always need more, yeah?”

Your underwear is wet and sticking uncomfortable to you, only made worse when Lucas lowers his head and licks teasingly at you through the fabric. You whine and cant your hips up, desperate for more friction, but he just pins you back down. “Always so desperate for more.” He sighs, eyes on you as he continues to tease.

And you hate it because he’s right. You are desperate for more, desperate for him. And when he slides your panties off, delivers that first touch of his tongue to your bare skin, it makes you keen. “Lucas, please.”

Your hands thread through his hair and he groans against you, lapping at your hole before moving up to flick his tongue against your clit. “So sexy, baby. You’re an addiction.”

He finally buries his head between your thighs and gets to work, eating you out with a fervor that has you screaming, legs shaking where he holds them down. Dark eyes remain on yours for the whole time and you force yourself to keep his gaze, to stop your eyes from rolling back in your head. He pulls away with his lips and chin glistening. “You’re like a drug.”

A harsh bite to your inner thigh and then he’s diving back in. He adds his fingers to the mix and you’re gone, mind blank of everything except for Lucas, Lucas, Lucas.

It hasn’t been long since you last fingered yourself but your hands are tiny compared to his. The one finger he has inside of you is already a stretch. The second finger he slides into you gives you a fullness you weren’t prepared for and he knows it, smirking as you sob his name, back arching as you come for him.

Lucas works you through it easily, sweet kisses to your core until you’re shoving at his head, pushing him away.

“Taste so sweet, baby.” He brings two fingers up to your mouth and you let them slide past your lips, sucking your arousal off of his fingers. A deep groan leaves Lucas as you start to bob your head shallowly, eyes locked on his through the entirety of the pseudo blowjob. “I need to be in you.”

His sweatpants are thrown somewhere across the room and his dick springs up, slapping against his lower stomach. You nearly moan as you see how hard he is, how big he is. It doesn’t matter that you just came. Your pussy clenches in need as arousal fills you.

“No underwear?” You try to tease him but your voice comes out breathless. He gives himself a couple of pumps, throwing his head back and groaning. “And you say I’m desperate.”

“Never said I wasn’t.” He laughs, kneeling between your spread legs and lining his dick up. You hum, eyes fluttering closed before you slap him.

He makes a wounded noise and furrows his eyebrows. You point to your nightstand. “Condom.”

“But we never use condoms!” Lucas protests. He looks vaguely offended.

“We never used condoms when we were dating.” You correct him. “Past tense. You know, before you decided you wanted quantity over quality.”

Lucas rolls his eyes. “You really want to start this argument now?” He acts like you’re yelling at him for something petty like forgetting to do the dishes instead of what he actually did.

“No, I want you to get a condom on and put your dick in me.” You push him off of you and stretch out to reach into your drawer, only slightly distracted by the way he kneads at your ass as you throw lipsticks and lotions aside to find the little foil packet. You throw it at him.

Sighing, Lucas rolls it on. He spits in his hand and pumps himself a few times. “Wanna fuck you from behind.”

You flip over and you should be relieved because now you don’t have to look at his face, but a part of you is disappointed.

The feeling doesn’t last long. Lucas pushes in and fills you up so much that there’s no room for anything else, forcing every thought out of your head. He only pushes halfway in before you have to stop him, tell him to slow down.

It’s overwhelming, the stretch burning as you try to relax your muscles enough to take him. He smooths his hand up and down your side, presses kisses into your spine as you shake. “Take your time baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

He doesn’t mean it, at least not how you want him to, but your brain tells you he does. That he’ll be here in the morning, that he’ll wrap his arms around you and hold you close. You force the thoughts out of your head and push yourself backwards, taking more of his cock.

Lucas slides his hand from your stomach down to your core, pressing his fingers to your clit. Sparks of pleasure shoot up your spine and you moan, pushing back against him as the pain bleeds into pleasure.

“Please.” You pant out, letting your head drop to the pillows. “Lucas, please fuck me.”

“So polite.” He says, easing himself the rest of the way into you. His breathing is labored and he grips at your hip as if it’s the only thing keeping him grounded.

You’re reminded of just how desperate he was before he came over when he starts fucking you at a brutal pace. His hips slam against yours, filthy noises filling the air as skin slaps against skin.

One large hand splays over your lower back, pushing down so that your ass raises even higher in the air, your chest pushed against the bed. The angles even tighter, makes him feel even larger.

“You’re so fucking big.” You babble, hands clutching desperately at the pillow. “Fuck, Lucas.” His name comes out closer to a sob and you can feel tears in your eyes as he snaps his hips into you harder, deeper.

His groans are liquid sex and they fill you with even more heat, leaving you to writhe against him as he keeps you pinned down. “I’m gonna come.” You sob out, tears slipping down your cheeks as the pleasure consumes you. “Please, ‘m gonna come, ‘m gonna- ohgod.”

Your mouth drops open in a silent scream as Lucas keeps pounding into you, drawing out your orgasm. It’s so much, too much, and you whine as your knees slide uselessly against the sheets. He says something but it doesn’t register over the white noise filling your mind

Lucas doesn’t give you a break, even as you’re crying out from the overstimulation. Instead he lifts his hand from your back. You try to scramble into a better position, thinking that he’s giving you a break, but then he’s grabbing both of your wrists in one of his hands, holding them at your lower back. Your face presses into the mattress and you turn it to the side, ragged breaths leaving you as you adjust to the overstimulation.

“Baby,” He coos, using his grip to pull you upright, your back flush with his chest. His free hand ghosts over your neck, slides down to pinch at your nipples and massage your breasts. “Love you like this, all fucked out and pliant.”

Lucas mouths at your neck, bites at your earlobe. “Such a little slut for my cock.” You only moan in response, turning your head to search for a kiss. He gives you what you’re looking for, licking past your lips and sucking on your tongue. “Mhmm, that’s right baby. Love being fucked dumb, yeah?”

“Y-yeah, love it. Love you.” You whimper, pulling away from the kiss and throwing your head back so that it rests against his shoulder. The words just kind of slip out and it doesn’t register that you shouldn’t have said them. Lucas must hear them but he doesn’t mention it, just drives his cock into you deeper, harder.

He drops his free hand to your stomach, keeping you anchored to him even as you try to arch away. You’re nearly powerless like this, only able to bounce on his lap in an attempt to meet his thrusts. The hold he has on your wrists is too strong for you to break out of but you need to hold onto something, desperately need something to ground you as you feel your orgasm rushing to the surface.

“Lucas, I- you’re gonna make me come again.” You whine out, words broken with moans and gasps. “Fuck, I’m- Yukhei.”

He snarls behind you, somehow finding it in him to fuck you even harder. His thrusts are getting sloppy though, and you can tell he’s close, too. “Say that again.”

“Yukhei!” You sob, feeling your orgasm build and build until it’s too intense for you to handle, and even then it keeps building. “Yukhei, pleasepleaseplease-“

Your mind blanks out when you come, nothing but white noise and bright lights filling your head. It seems to last forever, too, waves and waves of pleasure crashing over you. You only come back to Earth when Lucas shoves your chest down to the mattress, his hands gripping your hips so tightly you know that there’s gonna be a bruise in the morning. You make an absolutely inhuman noise as you squirm in oversensitivity, bucking your hips up as he sloppily fucks into you.

“So tight, so fucking tight.” He spits out, bringing one hand down hard on your ass. “God, you feel so fucking good.” He slurs out your name and then he’s coming, hips stuttering as his dick twitches inside of you.

The aftershocks leave you shaking, melting into the mattress. Lucas rolls off to the side, laying on his back and panting. He’s also shaking, but after a few deep breaths he pulls himself together, tugging the condom off and tying it.

You watch him warily, expecting him to either pull you closer or get up and leave. It would almost be better if he chose the second option.

He chooses the first.

“Come here, baby.” You’re pulled onto his chest and you hum, eyelids heavy as you curl up around him. A soft kiss is placed on your forehead, your sweaty hair pushed out of your face. “Fuck, you’re amazing.”

The compliment has you glowing like the summer sun, smiling happily as he continues to praise you, continues to run his hand up and down your back softly.

You just hum in response to whatever he says, too tired and mindless to come up with a response. Lucas seems to feel the same way, his praises eventually fading off into soft snores. He always has the most peaceful sleeping expressions and you want to see him but your eyes are too heavy to open.

“Please be here in the morning.”

He’s not.

[mangaandlivingdolls]

Kinktober DAY 13: Stay boy!

Prompts: Pet Play + Sounding + Lactation

Character: Divus Crewel

Plot: A student gets a little too annoyed at Divus’s teaching methods and decides to punish him.

Notes: Gender neutral, mature with pron, noncon

Thank you @bashjackie for your wonderful writing and giving me this prompt!

Divus was annoying. 

No. Not just annoying, infuriating. His constant condensing ‘good boy’ and ‘stay’ was disgusting. Not to mention when he felt the need to whip someone into shape. 

In some ways, it seemed pathetic.

He couldn’t control his students without a force. He had to treat them like fucking dogs. 

And that wasn’t the only infuriating thing about him. He just had to constantly go on about fashion, design or some other bullshit. What did that have to do with making potions, anyway? Divus is just a wannabe clothing designer. Sure, he’s sold a few lines, but the fact he spends the week teaching ‘puppies’ was enough proof of his failure. 

Maybe that was why he actually favored Schoenheit, the intelligent, strict, hot model who seemed to always have a stick up his ass. In a lot of ways, they were similar; condescending nicknames, obsession with looking good, etc. The biggest difference, however, was that Schoenheit actually seemed to have more to show for it. 

For fuck’s sake, what kind of teacher is cryptic for every lesson?

That’s what led to another rant of his about how terrible the class was. Did he really think everyone could just do such an advanced potion with no advice on quantities? Of course, the majority of the class would fail when all they could do was guess. What a waste of a teacher. Then again, it’s not like the others were better.

Grinding your teeth, you watched as Divus continued to insult everyone for being ‘bad breeds’ and completely untrainable mutts. Finally. the bell rang, freeing you all from his annoying rants, at least ‘til next class. Standing, you carefully slipped a vial out of your pocket and slipped the contents of it into his cup as he berated a ‘mutt’ for not tucking in their shirt.

Too easy. 

Almost disappointingly easy, but then again, what would a purebred show dog have to worry about from a mutt? That’s why in nature, mutts are better off than purebreds.

The effects should start in one hour. He’ll notice sooner most likely, but with another class and a teachers’ meeting, there was no way he’d have time to fix it. Just enough time for you to eat lunch and gather the rest of your ‘tools’.

                                                      ~~~

How could this have even happened? Crewel rushed into his office, locking the door behind him. He obviously wasn’t pregnant, and even more so, he wouldn’t brew a lactation potion for himself. Carelessly, he tossed his wand on his desk and began to quickly remove his coat and vest. Already, his vest had become damp from his now-lactating chest. 

Damn the headmaster and his insistent prattling, Divus thought. If he hadn’t drowned on, then I could have brewed the antidote before my clothes were ruined. 

Ruined may have been a bit harsh, but he’d definitely have to change into some spares if he wanted to leave campus with no questions asked. 

Stuck in his own head, Crewel completely missed the student standing in the corner, unknowingly giving them a show. Of course, the student couldn’t really take the time to admire their panicking teacher.

Quickly, they used a stun spell, before rushing behind their teacher and throwing him to the floor. Crewel didn’t even have a moment to gasp before he found himself frozen and thrown to the floor. Just as quickly, the student shoved some bit of plastic between his open lips and quickly hooked it behind his head, forcing Crewel to bite down on the gag. 

As much as they wanted to appreciate their teacher chewing on the bone gag, they grabbed their teacher's wrist and shoved it into the leather mitt and tied it tightly, repeating the motion as Crewel tied to figure out what was happening.

The next part was going to be difficult.

The stun spell had already begun to wear off, and even without his hands, Divus was still a capable adult. Shoveling down the teacher's body, they grabbed one of his ankles and began wrapping the leather cuff around it. Sensing that he was going to be further restrained, Crewel rolled to the side and used his unrestrained leg to kick his attacker. With a grunt, they refused to relent. They grabbed his other ankle and struggled to place the other cuff on. Even with Crewel realizing what was happening, with his hands and one ankle trapped, there wasn’t much he could do. 

Finally, the student had their teacher trapped and could admire their hard work. 

Divus laid prone on the ground trying unsuccessfully to break his restraints. His hands uselessly pawed at each other in the vain hope that he could somehow get the mitts off. 

The best feature by far, however, was his face. His hair was completely ruined from the tussle on the floor, while his chin had been covered in drool from his grunts and attempts to yell.

Something was still missing, however. 

Even with Divus struggling it didn’t feel quite like enough. That’s when their eyes landed on the teacher’s desk, where his pointer was thrown.

Perfect. 

Calmly, they strolled towards the desk, slowly picked up the pointer, and messed with the pretty red collar attached to the end. Turning back to Divus, they couldn’t help but laugh at the position he had put himself in. 

Somehow, he had managed to flip himself onto his stomach and was trying to push himself up with his knees and caged hands, sticking his ass straight up in the air. With a chuckle, they skipped towards Divus and smacked his ass with the pointer. 

With a muffled yelp, the teacher completely collapsed, making it easier for his student to turn him over onto his back and straddle his waist. Divus tried to shimmy out from beneath them, but another sharp whack, this time aimed at his face, put an end to that. 

“Divus, stay.” The words seem to not register for a minute as they stared at each other, before Divus tried to buck them off with renewed vigor. Sighing, they went to work unfastening the collar and wrap it around Divus's throat, perhaps more tightly than necessary.

 “There. Now you really look like the bitch you are.” Before Crewel could even give an indignant snarl, they had already begun tearing his shirt and tie off. A red flush covered Crewel's face as his clothing was destroyed, revealing his dripping chest. 

“Wow, Divus, when I called you a bitch, I didn’t expect you to drip like one, especially right in front of your own student!” 

Stroking one of the leaking buds, they gave it a slight tug to watch more milk drip out and pool towards Divus’s taut stomach. Divus whimpered and tried to squirm away from his student’s touch. His struggle was rewarded with a much sharper pinch this time. 

As much as watching Divus moan and squirm as his chest was toyed with was amusing, there were far more important matters to attend to. With one last rough tug to his chest, they got of Divus and went over to their backpack, which was blending in with the background. Divus tried to turn his head to see what his student was grabbing, but with a quick snap of their fingers and a “Stay Divus,” he stopped squirming and merely hoped they’d had their fun and were retrieving the keys. 

A soft rattle of something metal was heard and Divus almost wept with relief that his humiliation was coming to an end, only for his student to come back into view. 

“Aw, does puppy think he’s getting a treat?”, they chuckled. “Sadly you’ve been such a naughty thing that I’m afraid your punishment isn’t over, boy.” 

Divus’s brows furrowed in confusion as his student held up a strange, thin metal object and lubricated it in front of his face.

He didn’t have any time to try and figure out what it was for before his student went back to destroying his clothes, this time his jeans. Divus whimpered and tried to shove them off, but with his hands still bound, it was futile. Finally, Divus’s hard cock was forced into the open air. 

It seemed like time stopped as Divus stared at his leaking cock. His student let out a laugh before grasping his dick, making Divus moan.

“My, my. The puppy seems awfully excited at his punishment.” They smeared his precum around the head of his dick. “I may not even need the lube, huh?”

By now, almost all the fight was out of Divus. He merely squirmed in his bondage as they played with his dick and mocked him for being in heat. 

After what felt like an eternity, they released his cock and began slicking up the metal instrument. 

Then they began pushing one end into his slit. 

Divus nearly choked on his own spit as his struggles renewed in vigor, so much so they had to use another stun spell on him. They forced Divus to only watch as his dick was violated. Surprisingly, Divus felt very little pain as it was slowly, slowly shifted further into his cock. The only feeling was pleasurable fullness. Nerves that had never been stimulated before were played with as the instrument was pushed down. Every couple of centimetres, they would stop to massage the outside of his dick to stimulate him further. 

Finally, his dick was completely full and any further pushing only caused Divus to see stars as it hit something deep inside of his cock.

“Well puppy, how do you feel?” They mocked, going back to play with his chest. In a final act of weak defiance, Divus glared at them and tried to growl around his bone gag. In response, his student bopped his nose and stood up.

“I guess you still haven’t learned anything, puppy. I’m so disappointed.” Turning away from their captive, they retrieved their backpack and began heading towards the door, causing Divus to panic and whine once again. They couldn’t just leave him like this, could they?

“Maybe if you lie there in your mess for a few hours, you might learn.” Just as they unlocked the door, they shot an amused look back at Divus. “Good boy! Don’t forget what you’ve learned today!”

Just like that, he was left in his own office, completely trapped. Divus felt tears fill his eyes as he was left on his back, the milk from his nipples, drool, and precum mixing into his skin.

[youmademe-stay]

lee know/minho x (y/n) oneshot

I felt the buzz of my phone from my pocket and sighed. I am never going to get any work done if I keep getting messages from people. "I'm too famous," I think to myself as I place my paintbrush down and take my phone out of my pocket

'let's see who -' I say out loud to myself as I unlock my phone before I realised what the message is for I can't believe this My Uber Eats guy cancelled my meal It takes me a minute or two to understand this, but when it fully hit me it hurt even more than when I came home and sat on my bed and found an open red tube of paint underneath my covers. He is never cancelled on me... I've known him for 3 days, I thought this was going to last forever I sigh, before putting my phone back into my pocket and picking my paintbrush again. This is why my mother taught me to be independent - you can't trust anyone.  

 I stroke the paint onto the canvas lightly and move my wrist ever so slightly once a stroke is done and a new one begins, to get the perfect look of the wind. this painting was meant to inspired by the weather, but now that's it's been a few hours since I started it, it's beginning to remind me more of my bedroom on a bad day

 I put the paintbrush down again and stretch my arms. I feel the buzz of my phone again and use one hand to take it out of my pocket again, leaving the other suspended in the air. I swear to god Uber Eats if you don't find me a new guy I - 

 I stop complaining and freeze. then let my other arm fall to my side. then smile.

 "babe it's time" I read for the third time in a row. it's time? seriously - he made me wake up at 6 in the morning and now it's fine?!

 "okay. on my way" I message back before putting the phone down and rushing to my bed, where my outfit of the day is already laid out. I change out of my black painting slacks into a white jumper crop top and leggings, with a pair of jeans overalls over the leggings. as I take my hair out of my lazy attempt at a messy bun and brush it with a comb, I hear the phone buzz a few more times from where I left it.

 i slip my socks on as well as my birthday bracelet before walking back to my desk and picking up my phone and unlocking it

 "it's okay, take your time"

"Actually, don't take your time, I'm very emotional right now"

"Actually, just hurry up. I feel like killing jisung right now. we're sitting on your patio"

I couldn't help but smile. god, as much as I deny it when he says he is, he can be so cute sometimes. I rush out of the room with my backpack and towards the front of the house, quickly slipping on some converses before opening the door, seeing the backs of two grown men sitting on my patio, smiling at the both of them, and locking the door

 I assume at the sound of the lock, they realised I was actually behind them because when I turned around after locking it they were both facing me, one with a cardboard box in his arms and another with a cheesy grin on his face

 '(y/n) noona, why did you have to come so soon, i wasn't done annoying hyung~' jisung teased as he approached me with his arms open. i threw my bag into his arms and instead of hugging him like he expected, grabbed one of his cheeks with my thumb and forefinger, like how my mother did, forcing him to turn around

 'my boyfriend is not the type you can tease, is that understood Mr. Han jisung?'

 'ah, noona, please~' he whined in a slurred voice. I let go of his cheek and patted it lightly before taking my bag away from him

 'I mean, you can tease him, but only when I'm there, so I can help'

 jisung laughs loudly at this, much to my amusement. it's great to remember how hilarious I am sometimes...

 'you're not funny ((y/n))' Minho mutters in an annoyed voice. damn it. I forgot he could practically read my mind

 'I actually am though, dear boyfriend'

 'you're actually not though, dear girlfriend' he mocked back. on a normal day, we probably could have kept arguing for hours on end, but luckily, he had reminded me so much about this day before it happened that, I knew today wasn't the day to argue with him

'I’m going to leave now (y/n) noona. take care of hyung, he's a bit sensitive because of "you know what"' he winked at me and smiled cheesily again before jumping off the patio and off my front lawn.

 when he reached the end of it he turned around and shouted, 'he's probably on his period!' before immediately running

 'i feel so bad' Minho sighed as he moved closer to me. i put my backpack on and tried to take the box from him, but he shrugged my offer off and just kept looking into my eyes

 'I’d hug you right now, but...' 

 'it's okay' i smiled, 'i know it's tough for you, so the hugging can happen later'

 'the first house is about 5 minutes away from here, and the others are close by. that's why i didn't bring the car'

 'okay'

 'and also because...' i could tell what he was about to say, but i didn't interrupt anyways. it's not right to interrupt a normally emotional - less person, especially on a day like this. 'i want to spend as much time with them as possible'

 i glanced at the box and noticed the little holes at the top. around each hole was some sort of scribble, which i assume was meant to be the name of each kitten. i couldn't help but smile at this.

 'what?' he asked in a sad voice. he must've noticed me smile, since he isn't even trying to look directly at the box

 'it's nothing. let's go' we made our way off the patio and as we walked to the first house, i kissed my first two fingers and pressed them against his cheek

 'I'm sorry I can't kiss you right now. it's not like I don't want to, I just...'

 'it's okay, i understand mama Minho'

 on an average day, he would've rolled his eyes at this old nickname, but today instead he smiled weakly and shook his head

 'I'm going to miss being called that'

 'I mean, I'm the one who called you, it. the kittens didn't really understand how to speak'

 'yeah, but they gave the name, purpose'

 'well, you still have jisung right? just adopt him'

 i watched him carefully as his sad face changed into one of disgust, prompting both of us to laugh out loud. even though I can't stop him from being in his feels today - not that I'd ever do it anyway - I'm glad I can be with him to get through them

 we arrive at the house and stay at the door as the couple who live there open the box Minho was holding for so long and carefully take out two baby kittens. it took me a while, like 1 or 2 weeks, but when they were newborns I was taught each of their names, and even though I didn't see much of its point before, I'm so glad I did now

 'that's Mini, the girl' I told the lady, and then to the man, 'and that's blueberry, the boy'

 'please take care of them' Minho added in a low voice.

 the couple promised that they would, and after some friendly small talk, we left to go to the next house

 'i shouldn't be this sad' he suddenly said once we started to walk again.

 'what do you mean, it's completely okay to'

 'but I'm on the verge of crying when I haven't even known these cats for more than 2 months'

 'and? who said 2 months is a short time? it's quality, not quantity, and you spent every minute breathing with them, Minho. you have every right to be in your feels right now'

 'I guess that's true' he sighed. I glanced at the box and felt an urge to take it from him and hold it until we got there, but it didn't matter since we arrived there a lot quicker than I realised

 we made our way to the front of the house, made small talk with the parents and the little kid to whom Pringles the kitten was going to, before leaving. there were only a few cats left, but I could feel his sadness growing and I was at this point, running out of ideas on what to do to make him feel better

 'so, how're your paintings going?' he suddenly asked. thank you, god, for giving me a boyfriend who can read my mind, and instantly know when my awkwardness spikes

 'they're going good'

 'going good? don't you mean, going well?'

we made eye contact and I smiled and rolled my eyes at the sight of his cheeky smile. 'listen, i took art as my career because as much as my parents wanted it, there was no way i was going to take literature when i can't even speak right'

'you mean speak correctly?'

 'if you weren't holding the box I'd punch you' i warn as he laughs.

 'so, what were you doing before I messaged you'

 'nothing much, just finishing a painting for my gallery'

 'are we all still invited after...' 

 I look over at him and sigh, nodding my head. 'even though you destroyed one of my paintings by replacing all the eyes with printouts of all your ugly faces, you're all still invited. I need someone to be there to distract my parents from lecturing me'

 'should I ask my parents to visit?'

 'depends on whether or not they're okay with talking about marriage with mine'

'oh, I think they'll be fine with that. my mother still questions why I decided to be an idol when i can be 24 with a housewife and 2 kids at this point'

 now it was my turn to laugh. 'parents really think just because we're out of school and earning money, we should use that money on marriage and kids'

 'yeah. I want to settle when you're ready to settle'

 'yeah same, i - what?!' 

 I stopped walking and stared at him as he turned around and smiled at me.

'you're kidding right?' 

 he shook his head. 'have you never thought about us getting married one day?'

 I mean....of course I did. but I thought I was the only one

 'Yeah, but...how can you be so confident about it? shouldn't you be saying "when my fiancé is ready"?'

 'in my eyes, you're already my fiancé' he admits, in a weird yet cool way

 at this point, I'm stuck between wanting to punch him and being starstruck. like, god Minho, way to be straightforward. 

 'i can see why your fans like you, Mr. straight-to-the-point' i try to say without mixing up my words and looking dumb, 'c'mon, we need to get to the next place'

 I grab his arm and proceed walking, even though he's the one out of the two that knows where the next house is

 'After we're done, let's go to your place' he says after a bit of silence. I don't say anything and just nod. but then i take it in and realise what he said

 'why not your place?' I ask

 'it's a bit messy right now. had a struggle getting all the kittens together this morning'

 'oh, okay'

 'you still have some of my clothes, there right?'

 I glare at him and smack his arm and hard as I can, but not so hard that the remaining kittens feel it through the box

 'weirdo. yes, I do, but they're mine now' I state loudly and clearly, ignoring the people around us that saw me smack him

 'just like how you're mine huh?'

my jaw drops a little as I look into his eyes and this...revolting statement. god, if he sleeps over today, I'm going to have to listen to this jisung - level cringe for.....how long??

 'oh yeah. if you think that was cringe, I got a whole lot more coming up' he said as he nudged my elbow with this. 'you can thank jisung and changbin later for all the inspiration they gave me'

 #a few hours later#

 'can i put this here?'

 i turn around and see him place the box down on the sofa. as much as I’d appreciate it to go in the recycling, there's no way i can say it to him, so i nod and walk up to him, looping my arms around his waist as i rest my head on his chest and snuggle into it

 'it's been a long day' I say in a low voice. 'and I'm really proud of what you did. all those kittens will get the love and care they deserve Minho'

 'but what if they don't?'

 'then we'll take them back. i will attack the owners for not caring for them, and you take them, and we'll raise them here' I look up at him and smile. he smiles back, and despite it being a little bit fake, i take it and kiss him on the lips

 'What did I do to deserve that?' he asked after the kiss.

 I laugh and respond with, 'not much, but since today your inner mother is a bit hurt, I'll be nice to you. go ahead and wash up and I'll make something for us to eat'

 'don't you want to finish your painting?'

 'well, are you going to stay over tonight? is your schedule for tomorrow busy?'

 he looked away from me and thought about it, before looking back down and shaking his head.

 'well, that's good. when you sleep, I'll finish the painting off. so, from now until midnight we can do whatever you want'

 'and what if I don't sleep?' he asked with a smile that I know and have seen too much of.

 'then I will give you sleeping pills and make you watch literal paint dry until you do' I smile back as I unloop my arms and begin to make my way to the kitchen. ha take that Mr. I - know - I'm - sexy - when - i- do - this - smile. you just got served...

 whilst he went off to wash up and be weird, i stripped out of my overalls, leaving just my crop top and leggings on, and got out the ingredients for some pasta. thankfully, out of the two of us, I'm the better cook, so I'm not always desperate for his food - unless Chan made it - and I'm never starving.

 once I finish the prep work for the pasta and it's in the water, I go over to the freezer and take a frozen cake out as well as a tub of ice cream. this is all textbook breakup food, but since he let go of his "children" today I think that the food gods will allow an exception.

 i leave the cake on top of a plate in order to defrost along with the ice cream and go back to the pasta, doing all the things i need to do before i can take a break and check up on Minho

 'it's pasta day?' i suddenly feel two hands on my hips and his sharp jaw rest on my shoulder. jheez, this guy reads my mind too much these days...

 'not only pasta but cake and ice cream day!'

 'you want me to eat all of them together?'

'well if you want, yes. me, on the other hand, will enjoy them all separately'

 he chuckles and hugs me tight, mumbling, 'I’m sorry for being a mess today...'

 'it's okay' i say in a low voice

'this was the first time i had to do this and...it felt right, but wrong at the same time. i felt like i was giving a part of myself away each time one of them left the box'

i open my mouth to respond, but then close it without saying anything. in these times, it's better to let him say it all out so he can get it all out of his heart

'and yeah, i know that now each family will be happier, but those kittens reminded me of when i got my first ones....and when i was younger and more carefree too'

 'those kittens gave me time to distract myself from everything. work, social life, stress. all of that. and i....god (y/n) look!'

 my eyes enlarge as i realised that the water in the pot was overspilling. i let go of his hands I’d been holding onto as he spoke and lowered the flame and put the lid on the pot, allowing the water level to lower a bit

 'sorry, i was listening to you and - '

 'no, I’m sorry. I’ll help defrost the cake and ice cream, so you don't get distracted'

 before i could say no i felt his arms leave my sides and suddenly felt too cold. i watch him as he took the cake and placed it in the microwave and put the setting "defrost" on before opening the ice cream tub, getting two bowls out with spoons and forcing the still - frozen ice cream into the two bowls.

 once he finished, he closed the tub and put it away and picked up the two bowls and walked to my room. i guess he isn't in a movie mood then.

 once he's out of my eyesight, i continue making the pasta and getting it tasting just like how he likes it. i get two wine glasses out and fill them with sprite and ice -cubes, and take the cake out of the microwave.

 as the pasta is finished and i begin to put it all in a large container for the two of us to share, he comes back and takes the wine glasses

 'fancy a bit of the bubbly sir?' i ask in my best British accent. my heart warms as i see his blank face break into a smile as he replies in probably the worst accent I’ve ever heard,

 'if the madam wants it, the madam shall have'

 he leaves and i take the container and the cake to my room and - 

 'Minho!'

 how i didn't drop the food I’ll never know.

 he...somehow (?) cleaned up my room, made the massive pile of laundry near the window disappear and had my laptop sitting on top of my bed table, with the wine glasses on either side of the laptop and the ice cream bowls next to the glasses

 'i put your clothes in a bundle, so you can not trip up when you bring the real food in' he smirks as he snuggles into his side of the bed. i made my way towards the bed table, place the cake on my side and the pasta on his and sit down, giving him a kiss on the cheek immediately after

 'you didn't have to tidy up, but you did. so thank you'

 'you're so cute'

 I scrunch my nose at this remark. 'not as much as you think, but let's not argue in front of the food. c'mon, what d'you wanna watch?'

 'I don't mind anything. you can choose, YouTube, drama, a variety you name it'

 we ended up watching Knowing Brothers, one of my favourite shows now and enjoyed the food as we went through a random selection of episodes, and although he did laugh some of the time, most of the time he just sat back and had his arm around my waist and stayed silent.

 eventually, he did what I thought he'd do and lie down and pretend to go to sleep. he didn't nag me to put the food away or to make the videos quieter - he just went to "sleep". as he "slept" I quietly packed the food away and put each thing on the floor one by one, before closing the laptop and putting it and the bed table away too. once it was all gone, I shut the lights and lied down too, snuggling my face into his back and my arm around his middle

 in the silence, I felt his hand touch mine and held it tightly. he started to quiver a little, and I could tell it wasn't because he was cold. I said nothing as he cried, and waited until he turned around and let me hug him to speak

'it's okay Minho. I've got you. it's okay' I kept whispering as I stroked the back of his head.

eventually, he stopped crying and shaking, so I assume that meant the crying tired him out and he fell asleep.

 'I love you Minho. and so, do the kittens. and so, do Soonie, Doongi and Dori. and so, do all your fans and members and family...I'll accept you as a mean old grandpa, a weird on-drugs uncle, a sarky homosexual boyfriend to jisung, and as a caring and sensitive person. you can always cry to me, and I'll always be there to hug you' I whisper as tears fill up in my eyes. every word, I mean from the heart, and if he was awake right now, he'd know since he always knows what I'm thinking or feeling

 suddenly, his arm went around my waist as he hugged me tight and said, 'i love you too'

 god damn, he's a good actor. although i feel a bit annoyed that he heard all of it, I’m more glad than annoyed. 

 'i love you and want to grow old with you'

 'i love you and want you to be my fiancé'

 'i love you and want to be your wife'

 he moved his head back and has the funniest look of surprise, excitement and confusion written all over his face

 'what, did you think you were the only one who thought about marriage?' i joke, my heart beating like crazy at my confidence

 'no but, does this mean...'

 'yes Minho. i accept your lame ass proposal from before. now, let me say now i don't want to marry soon - '

 before i could finish my sentence he pulled me closer and we kissed. very deeply. i almost forgot, during the kiss, what we were talking about before it.

 a minute or maybe two passed before he moved back and let air enter both of our lungs

 'i will marry you whenever you're ready, and if you're never ready then i will stay by your side as all those things you mentioned - as an grandpa, a drugged uncle whatever you want'

 'Minho...i - '

 'and today wasn't my intent to propose - i actually had so much planned and - '

 'Minho - yah'

 'yes ((y/n))'

 'i love you'

 'i... i love you too'

 and that's when i saw it. today's first, full, genuine smile. 'can we kiss again?'

 'if that' what madam wants, that's - '

 I kissed him before he ended the sentence. god, I need to tell him soon that...if we are getting married one day, he'll have to promise me in the wedding vows, to never use that accent again

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Weird “In Memoria”

it is getting 100% frustrating trying to fit these stories into so few pages. Sometimes quality and quantity go together if you want good description. Anyway, here is the next installment of this mini series. Some questions have ben asked about the names to these creatures, and that credit goes to @cephalon-jaunde​ for coming up with the starborn as the creature's name for themselves. You just need to comment or suggest some ideas and I may incorporate them in, no harm in trying. 

here is the first part in case you missed it. 

https://starr-fall-knight-rise.tumblr.com/post/183938010415/humans-are-weird-space-angels

Captain Vir lay on his back staring up at the dimly-lit infirmary ceiling. Despite the padding on the medical restraints, his wrists and ankles ached and throbbed. He had fought the restraints for hours, yanking and pulling against them as he tried to talk Krill down. The little alien was having none of it. He was convinced the captain was going to get himself killed, and he was convinced he was the only one sane enough to see it.

‘They are using you’ he had said, ‘if they can get into your mind who says they can’t change it. You are far too trusting and that will make you easily duped.’

Vir had argued that it was his job to do these sort of things. Yeah, he was a little bit stupid, and the things he did were a little bit stupid, but someone had to do it so the rest of the galaxy didn’t have to. Krill wasn’t convinced and kept him locked down. Captain Vir tried anything he could to force the little surgeon to let him go. He talked about his orders, his intuitions, he gave orders, and eventually he devolved into name calling out of desperation. What Krill was doing was selfish, he was only trying to keep Vir safe for himself, and it wasn’t his decision to make.

But no matter the argument, it hadn’t worked.

He had long since fought himself into exhaustion, and telepathy induced seizures had taken away the rest of what he had left. They were still trying to communicate with him. Sure the thing had been creepy, but he hadn’t had enough time to really tell what it wanted. It seemed interested in communicating with him, so who was to say what its real intentions were. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed that they wouldn’t be likely to try and kill him. They had had plenty of chance to go ahead and do that when he was floating alone in space, and wounded. They could have just let him suffocate, or bleed out, or cartwheel into the vastness of space without any help, but they didn’t.

That’s what Krill didn’t understand… intuition. It didn’t make sense.

He tried his best to communicate with the creatures, tried his best to reach out to them with his mind, but he was quickly learning that, while the human brain HAD the ability to communicate telepathically, it definitely wasn’t meant to. The harder he tried, the more his brain responded with spastic electrical signals. After a series of tree seizures in the course of ten minutes, he had gone right ahead and quit trying. It hadn’t been so bad when he was in contact with the creature, talking with it skin to skin and face to face, somehow that had made it easier on him. It was only when they were far away or when they tried to speak to him all at once that he couldn’t handle it.

If he could just get more time, get a little closer.

Then again, that wasn’t seeming likely to happen. He pulled against the restraints halfheartedly. Designed by humans to restrain humans, there was no way he was getting out and Krill knew it, unless he could break one of his own hands and slip out, which did not seem likely either.

Out in the hallway, he could hear voices moving towards the infirmary. He recognized the sound of Krill, Sunny, and his lieutenant, in charge of the ship when he wasn’t.

“It wouldn’t be wise to un-restrain him.” Krill was saying, “Whatever these creatures are they seem to have induced some sort of psychotic episode.”

“Can you be sure about that?” Sunny wondered hesitantly, “The captain hasn’t led us wrong so far.”

“Not to bring up old wounds or anything, Sunny, but you were supposed to be a spy. If you had done your job a little bit better, the Captain would be dead and so would the rest of the crew.” There was a long silence before Krill continued, “Besides, if they can get into his head, than there is no saying they can’t change things around in there. They could be manipulating him for all we know.”

The group stopped just inside the door. Sunny lowered her voice, though it wasn’t enough to keep him from hearing, “I don’t know Krill, it seems wrong to lock him up like that. He’s the captain…. He’s the acting chief of my tribe. You can’t just lock him up.”

“The hell I can’t.” Krill answered, “Ill lock anyone here up if it means keeping them alive. That includes you, and that damn sure includes the Captain.”

The group of them went quiet again, and Captain Vir heard them moving down the infirmary. The curtain around his bed was pushed back, throwing light across his face. He turned his head away squinting as the group came to stand next to where he lay. Krill, as studious as ever, leaned over him examining his eyes with a small light. The captain shook his head against the bright, “Knock it off, Krill.”

The little surgeon ignored him conducting a quick neurological examination on him as he did, “how are you feeling Captain?”

“Honestly, a little pissed off if you must know. Un-cuff me and that’s an order.” He demanded

Over him, Sunny and the Lieutenant glanced at each other and then at Krill.

He could see their doubt and seized on it with all his desperation, “Come on guys, its ME I’m lucid. They aren’t controlling my mind. It’s my job to figure out who they are and what they want and to establish communication. You all called me crazy when I let Sunny on the ship, and it worked out. So just give me the benefit of the doubt.”

Krill glowered at the others as well, “Do I need to mention the time that he turned off the gravity and let an unknown entity aboard the ship against regulation, and without speaking with the supporting crewmembers?” He motioned towards the wounds on the captain’s arms, “And was injured in the process, and now he wants to go back out.”

The glancing grew in intensity, and Vir could see he had lost the argument. He wilted back against the bedframe with a sigh shrugging his shoulders against his cuffs. The lieutenant rested an apologetic hand on his shoulder, “I’m sorry captain, but Krill has a point. No one else can hear what you can, and you did put the entire ship in jeopardy with what you did.” He quickly backpedaled against Vir’s protests, “I know you didn’t mean to hurt us, or put us in danger, but there may be something influencing you that you don’t know about.”

He sighed in frustration, “Can you at least-“ He raised his hands as far as he could and shook the cuffs for emphasis glancing at them with an expectant expression. Sunny seemed ready to oblige him, but krill shook his head.

“No, Captain, you’re not an idiot, and I’m not an idiot. You have survived too long for me to think you aren’t smart enough to escape or dupe your way out.”

“Ok fine then, but you are either going to have to cath me or let me go so I can pee. I’ve been holding it for hours and unless you do something I will have no choice but to just let it go, and then you will HAVE to move me for my health. So, which shall it be?” Krill paused just then thinking hard upon the situation, the captain had a point, and he had no doubt that the man would make his point in the most aggressively and disgustingly human way possible. He could see it in his steely green eye.

“If you are really worried about it, send some of the marines with me, they can kick my ass up and down this ship without batting an eye. I was trained in the air force remember, so I’m not as tough as the marines.” Krill wasn’t totally sure he believed him, but he did know the marines. They were big guys, some of them with at least thirty pounds of muscle on the captain, and the Captain wasn’t small. He estimated him at around 195 to 205 pounds.

“Fine.” He said

***

The marines brought him back without issue. The group of them were laughing and joking as they normally would right up until they watched the man be strapped back into his place.

“What is this all about, Captain?” one of the men asked glancing over at krill with confusion.

He shrugged, “Krill thinks that I’ve gone insane.” The protest lasted for a couple of long minutes as the marines bombarded Krill with questions. He gave them the same explanation as he had given the others. The marines may have been jarheads, but everyone on the ship knew Krill’s reputation for logic. The captain could see that the marines were wary now. Glancing at him with unsure expressions.

Damn.

He sighed and rested his head back against the bed closing his eyes as Krill gave the marines their mission. Bathroom escort duty, how fun for them. This lasted for a good day or two. He would get up with them cause no trouble and then go back to where he was. Eventually the marines were just sending two people, and then one with him. It’s not like it was that far away, just in the other room, he should be fine.

***

“Think you can handle him?”

“Yeah, no problem, go get something to eat.” The big marine said, the big marine the sergeant and the most experienced among them. Krill didn’t even bother to look at the group of marines as they walked through the door leaving only their superior behind to unlock the cuffs and help Vir to his feet rubbing his wrists where they had gone numb. The two of them walked back to the bathroom, and the marine stood by with his eyes respectfully averted.

How long was this annoyance going to last.

Vir finished and turned back. The marine moved forward just as the captain staggered forward clutching his head. In shock, the marine ran forward to help grasping the captain by the shoulder worried he was going into another seizure. The man grabbed him by the shoulder for support bent double in agony.

And then, suddenly, one hand as gripping his arm, and the other the back of his neck. A knee was driven fast and sharp into his abdomen effectively cutting off a cry for help. The man moved behind him gripping him by the shirt and whipping it over his head. The marine was gagged and cuffed in under two seconds leaning against the bathroom stall flat on his ass. The Captain Knelt in front of him single green eye wide in sympathy. He patted the marine’s shoulder a grimace on his face, “I’m sorry marine I….. I owe you a raise when this is all over. It really isn’t personal, but I need to do my job.

***

He made it past the infirmary without error and without Krill noticing. His senses weren’t as keen as a human’s and his intuition even less so. By the time the alarms started going off, he was already wearing one of the suits, and was beginning to don a helmet. He engaged the compressed oxygen, and then checked the systems. His suit pressurized, and he engaged the airlock. Underneath him, the starcycle revved, a sound that was cut out as all of the oxygen fled from the room, and the doors opened into the starlit blue haze of the cobalt nebulae. He engaged the engine and drifted into space even as the door closed behind him.

“Where are you,” He muttered softly as he moved forward, “I’m here to talk, no interruptions this time.” His voice was odd and distorted inside the suit. As he followed what he remembered of his old path back into the dust making sure to keep track of his position as he moved. It was eerie inside the dust cloud, with no notion of up or down, and no way to tell if he was truly going in the right direction, just his estimate. He was beginning to wonder if he really knew where he was going, and then, the dust cloud lightened and broke. He cut into a massive circular clearing with nothing but the blue nebulae on either side and the spiraling trails of white dust.

They had been waiting.

A massive body shifted in space ahead of him. The immense head and stirring black eyes lifted to look down upon him. He reversed the engine, and used just enough backward momentum to cancel out his earlier movement. The bike halted in midair, and floated there while he engaged the gaspack and slowly floated upwards from the boke. All around him the strange alien creatures rose to follow him, their glittering ribbons flaring out behind them in the blue light. Their angelic side was more apparent in the light of the cluster, where he couldn’t hear them, and their skin glowed with the light of celestial heavens. He felt his heart begin to quicken.

“I’m here to talk, like you wanted.” He thought forcing his intentions outwards and towards the massive white form flanked on all sides by a legion of its angelic children.

“You are the first… we knew you would come.” Came the voice inside his head echoing with the sound of a thousand voices speaking at once an entire crowd, “The first one to visit us in our plane, and the first one to speak to us with our own language. The first to visit with us, the starborn”

“But, you speak English.”

“We speak the language of your memories. Your communication is our communication. We know what is in your head, and your heart, and your past. We see everything. We speak the language of the soul, and yours is the only species that may speak with us despite your weak minds.”

Ok that was kind of odd, “Well uh, cool, but you know it isn’t exactly polite to go poking around in someone’s memories, and just like stealing form them. Some things are meant to be private.” All around him, the group shifted, they moved back from him, their ribbons flaring outwards like a dog raising its hackles.

He raised his hands in apology, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I just, we don’t speak with our minds where I’m from.”

“We have seen where you are from, we have seen what your people do, what they keep form each other. What you keep from your friends.” The massive creature unfolded itself stretching far below and far above with its glowing body as it took a step forward. It didn’t need to step, it could have just floated, but the movement made its point it towered over Captain Vir now, its large black eyes staring down at him “You hide yourselves behind lies…. A concept hitherto unknown to us until now. A great evil. A great evil that should and must be purged.”

Captain Vir allowed a little bit of the gas to push him back as he was easy on the controls, “Look, I didn’t mean to offend you. I can’t speak with my mind like you do, so it’s not really an option for everyone to know everything about us. Besides if my way of communicating offended you so much, than why would you bring me out here to talk?” his hand rested lightly on the gaspack controls ready to flee if that was an option.

“Your mind is very hard to read, human. It is tangled and warped by your lies. We are here to seek the truth. The closer you are, the better for us. Truth is always to outlive lies.”

The captain couldn’t help the unease that was creeping up his back. He wasn’t so sure about this. “What do you mean by that?

And before he knew it that massive creature was towering over him, and it was filling his head. It swelled inside his mind like water flooding an empty room. He gasped in surprise and pain as the creature took hold of his thoughts, his memories. Horribly, and suddenly his inner voice was silenced. There was no dialogue, there was nothing but the flashing of the side of his own mind. He couldn’t name anything, he couldn’t identify anything, he couldn’t comprehend what was around him. He wasn’t him…. He was…. Nothing. He had no identity, no conscience, nothing. He floated in a horrible blackness untouched by emotion or identity, unable to comprehend the terror of infinity of not existing.

Inside his head there was complete silence as the creature rifled through him like a filing cabinet tossing things about like a robber ransacking a home for valuables. His most precious memories were thrown to the floor, tossed into a jumble. His painful memories were sifted through with great care, private thoughts were brought back up examined and discarded, and he could do nothing. With no control over the mechanism of his thoughts he could not run, he could not move, and he could not thing. He was simply a husk floating in the blackness of space.

IT didn’t take the creature long to finish ravaging his mind, and one it was done, it drew back. The captain’s inner voice struggled to stand, to think clawing its way from the horrible blackness the terrible awful blackness of not existing, not feeling. He gasped racked with abject terror as he fled back from the black. His body trembled his mind remained fogged. The tears that broke unbidden to his eyes collected there unable to roll or move without gravity.

“A terrible sin. You are nothing but lies you humans. Nothing can be greater than this abomination.” He could feel the thing still inside his head, could feel its abject horror, hear its thought process slowly churning forward. The creature did not know what it was to have secrets, to have a place to itself. Honesty, truth was not an option, and now here was a creature that kept its mind to itself. So alien, so different, the creature rebelled against the idea.  Not even the sin of murder could have been worse, it could not let its people be exposed to such horror.

In his groggy and barely comprehensible state, Vr tried to remember the controls to the gaspack, but found his memories rearranged, gone, he couldn’t find them, couldn’t remember what to do. “You poor creature unable to understand your sin, unable to truly communicate….. I can help you with that. Just a few spots in your head, in your human brain destroyed, and I can give you true freedom of thought. It will help you block out the world, touch, sensation muted, and hearing gone you will better be able to hear the thoughts of your soul, at least before you die.

He desperately searched inside his own head for the memories, for the thoughts bringing others unbidden to his mind, his first flight, bullies at school, the christening of his ship, his father teaching him to ride a bike, his locker combination at the academy, listening to music with Sunny, teaching krill to play chess. He wasn’t sure when he realized the meaning of this situation, but he felt the horror, the worry, the shame. It rushed over him in a flood of pain.

He was going to die, mindless, and memoryless in the blackness of space.

[shadowofthelamp]

Enough

This was a request that I really liked- I’d been meaning to do something similar for a while anyhow. I haven’t done any good hurt/comfort in ages. I would really appreciate feedback!

Summary: Four years after Battle City, Malik’s other self stumbles into Ryou’s apartment, too thin and starving, and Ryou tries to help.

Link to story on ao3

Warnings: Disordered eating (sort of), emetophobia (vomiting), and a description of someone that’s unhealthily skinny.

Wordcount: 2305

Ryou wasn’t sure what to do when Malik’s other half came stumbling into his apartment four years after he’d been banished to the shadows.

The fact that he’d barely managed to get a word out before collapsing on the couch certainly didn’t help matters.

So Ryou tested the heartbeat on his wrist- it was slow, definitely a not-healthy kind of slow- and tugged his ragged shirt up to check for wounds that might need to be bandaged. (He had blood all over, but from the erratic colors, a lot of it probably wasn’t his.)

He sucked in a breath at the sight, wincing. “Oh boy.”

Malik’s other half was wasting away- thick muscle had turned lean, and his ribs could be felt easily when Ryou brushed his fingertips across the dry skin. Ryou rushed to prepare something for him to eat, stirring together eggs and bacon for protein.

He knew that Malik’s other half was dangerous, of course. Because of him, he’d been knocked out for… a day? Two? Time had been funny in the shadows. Too long, that was for sure.

But no one was dangerous in the condition that he was in, at least not a dangerous that couldn’t be negated with a good slice to the throat, and the spirit’s skills with a knife hadn’t entirely faded when he did.

Besides, things had been awfully boring lately, and this was something new.

Ryou finished the eggs, pouring them into a bowl and settling down on the couch, passing it just above the other Malik’s face. He sniffed before his eyes blinked open- one and then the other. He jolted up, scrambling back and trembling.

“I made you some eggs.” Ryou said, holding the bowl out with a spoon. “You looked hungry.”

He stared for a moment. The hanging scraps of his clothing looked so pitiful that it almost hurt, like Ryou was the one who’d had his insides wasted away. Then, he lunged forward and grabbed the bowl, holding it close. He sniffed at it one more time before digging in.

Ryou simply watched as his guest wolfed the eggs and bacon bits down. He stood up to grab a comb and an extra shirt when the other Malik slapped a hand to his lips, pupils shrunk to pinpricks and cheeks ashen.

There was a garbage can close enough that Ryou managed to grab it just before the other Malik started retching, and he dropped the bowl of eggs in favor of curling his fingers around the rim of the can. Wet splatters sounded from it as he vomited into the plastic bag, and Ryou sighed.

“Maybe next time you could try going a little slower. I’m going to guess that you haven’t been able to eat in a while.” Ryou’s hand hovered over his back, but… somehow he knew that wouldn’t be a good idea from the scars he could see through the tears in the fabric.

He nodded slowly. “I… don’t know why I’m here.” He said quietly, voice laden with ash and scratchy from survival. “Did you summon…?”

Ryou shook his head. “I haven’t tried to summon anything in a while. It’s Friday the 13th and last night was a full moon, maybe the barrier was weak and you fell through.”

“Maybe.” He said, wiping at his mouth with his bare arm. Ryou stood up.

“I’ll get you some water. Swish it around and spit it into the trash, then I’ll change the bag.” Ryou said, feeling eyes follow him as he grabbed a glass and filled it up. He brought it back and the other Malik chugged the first half of it, before seemingly realizing that his mouth still tasted disgusting and using the rest to swish and spit. He shoved the can further down the couch towards Ryou and away from him, and Ryou pulled the bag out.

Other Malik curled a hand around his side, letting out a low hiss. “Feels even emptier… like fire.”

“That’s what happens when you throw up.” Ryou said, tying the bag off and bringing it over to the door so he could throw it out later. “From the look of your stomach, you’re malnourished, and your stomach probably couldn’t handle that much. I’ll make some toast.”

“Why are you… being so kind?”

Ryou shrugged. “You haven’t tried to kill me yet, have you? I can protect myself if you try, and I’d feel bad I pushed you out and you died on the street. So, toast.” He grabbed a bag of bread and untwisted it, slotting two pieces in and sliding the lever down. “Do you prefer butter or jam?”

“Jam.” He said, still sounding bewildered.

There was nothing for a few minutes, just the gentle thrumming of the heating system above and around them, before the toast popped up and Ryou spread some strawberry jam over it. He carried a plate over to the couch. “Try to have this one a little slower?”

The other Malik nodded, taking a big bite but also slowing his chewing a bit. He worked through the two pieces of toast and set a hand on his stomach. “Ugh, why do I feel full already? I need more.”

“You’re adjusting. If days pass the same there as they do here, you haven’t eaten well in four years. You’ll be able to eat more as time goes on, I’m sure.” Ryou hurried over to the closet, then tossed him an oversized band shirt. “Here, put this on. Your clothes are down to scraps.”

“You’re not taking them!”

“I’m not going to, but you’re shivering- at least put the shirt on over it.” Ryou said. The other Malik took his cape off, tugged the shirt on, then immediately pulled the tattered remains back around his neck, even though it was really more of a suggestion of a cape than anything at this point.

“The guest room has the monster world field in it and I don’t have a cot, but you can sleep on the couch.” Ryou tossed him a blanket from the closet. “If you’re really hungry, you can make yourself something, but be careful of the takeout leftovers, they’re like a week old.”

“You aren’t-”

“If you want to run, you can run, but I’ll be here in the morning.I’m locking the door to my room, but the front door’s open. ” Ryou said.

The other Malik gave a grin, but it was half-hearted and lopsided, like a broken doll. “As if that would stop me.”

“A good gust of wind could stop you, right now.” Ryou said, closing the door to his shocked expression.

__________

It was difficult to sleep. Not a surprise, with the guest he had, but Ryou had locked the door and propped a chair against it. He wasn’t getting in without Ryou knowing.

He turned over in bed, unable to get comfortable- all he could see was the scared look in those amethyst eyes as the other Malik had stared at him before collapsing.

“He’s fine. You fed him, he can figure the bathroom out.” Ryou said to himself. “As long as he doesn’t go out and drag a corpse back, it’s fine.”

Ryou managed to reassure himself enough to almost slip away to sleep, until at 3am he heard something slam in the living room, and he had the chair out and the door open before he even realized he was doing it.

Half the lights were on, and the bowl that had contained the eggs was sitting on the counter. The fridge was half-open, and the other Malik was gagging over the sink.

“What did you do?” He just heard more gagging and thick splatters.

Ryou grimaced at the sound, treading carefully as he walked over. Upon closer inspection, a few things had been pulled out of the fridge. A cup of yogurt was half-empty, there were about four slices of bread gone from the bag, and the cup of noodles he’d made to figure out what to do with later was gone. The little box of cookies he’d bought a few days ago was torn open and had crumbs scattered around it.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what had happened.

“I told you not to eat any more.”

“There was… no food. I… took it where I could get it.” He groaned, spitting out brown saliva. “There was so much, I…”

“'Ate yourself sick.” Ryou finished. “Come here.” He wet a wad of paper towels and dabbed at the other Malik’s face. He looked worse than before. “You’re not going to get any better if you do this.”

“My stomach hurt, I’ve been hungry for so long.” He mumbled.

“It was probably already full from the toast.” Ryou said, tossing the paper towels into the bin before leading the other to the couch again. He tugged the bin closer in case of any accidents, before setting his fingers on top of the other Malik’s stomach. He used his fingertips to gently massage it, feeling as much as hearing the acids inside gurgling as they tried to digest food no longer there.

“Not so hard!”

“If you don’t make yourself sick, this won’t hurt.” Ryou said, but softened his touch a bit. “Just… stick to simpler foods in small quantities for now. I know it must have been hard, but just throwing it all up again is going to be worse and it’ll hurt your throat.”

He got a nod, and pulled back. “All right. Your stomach is going to be really upset right now, so just a glass of water would be best.”

“I can get it.” He stood up on slightly wobbly legs, but managed to fumble for a glass and fill it up. He took it in a few big gulps, but didn’t throw up, so Ryou sighed and didn’t say anything.

Ryou used the faucet to clean the sink a bit as his guest slunk back to the couch. When he was done, he decided to leave the door to his room unlocked since Malik’s other clearly wasn’t in any state to attack him.

When Ryou woke up the next morning, the other Malik was sleeping on his side, hugging the pillow and with no sick in the bin. Small victories.

________

The next few weeks were give and take. Ryou had to concede a few times to giving Malik’s other something sweet or meaty, but only if he’d managed to keep from binging on whatever he could find, which included vegetables in the shared apartment garden. Slowly but surely, he lost the sharpness in his limbs and chest, started to look a little more human again.

Ryou didn’t mind sharing his space or his food. He made enough from his side job selling custom figurines, and had a tidy sum he’d set aside from when he’d gotten an allowance as a teen.

The other Malik was much better conversation when he wasn’t starved and half-feral, and Ryou found himself laughing at his jokes. They were often dark and creepy, and sometimes they were just bad puns that reminded Ryou of the Ring Spirit, so he grinned and made bad jokes right back. It was nice, not getting strange looks when you thought something was funny. They’d both been through hell, thinking clouds looked like roadkill sometimes wasn’t the worst way of coping.

Together they learned that he liked all kinds of sweet things, especially with honey, as well as burgers, and noodles with lots and lots of butter. Anything with lots of spice, although he usually had a big glass of milk ready in case it was too much.

He chose a name for himself- Amir, prince. They both liked it.

Sometimes, he still went overboard. When he’d forgotten to eat because he was playing video games with Ryou for too long, he’d raid the fridge while Ryou was in the shower, and Ryou had to soothe his stomach with soft rubs and reminders that there would always be enough food The words were never too harsh, though- Ryou remembered what it felt like when he awoke after the spirit hadn’t eaten in days. He couldn’t imagine having to deal with that for four years.

Amir ended up softer than Malik had been- not fat, but there was a definite bit of squish around his midsection before his eating habits started to level out. Ryou didn’t mind, and Amir didn’t seem to either, so Ryou just kept as many healthy foods around as sweets and things were fine. He wasn’t uncomfortable to brush against anymore, all skin and bone- he was enough.

Ryou liked having someone to cook for, and after a while, Amir insisted on learning, so he could make things for Ryou. That was nice too. He was a pretty good cook when he put his mind to it, and Ryou was more than happy to sample whatever he offered.

Two months after Amir had stumbled into his kitchen and passed out, Ryou brushed his fingers as they both reached for the popcorn at the same time. Amir glanced over at him, considering for a moment, before pulling the popcorn away and setting it on the side table next to the lamp.

Ryou was about to protest, before Amir tugged Ryou unto his lap and then set the bowl of popcorn on Ryou’s lap.

“There we go, now I’ve trapped you.” He grinned, wrapping his arms around Ryou so he still had easy access to the popcorn. Ryou leaned back against him, feeling a bit of cushion instead of the frighteningly skeletal figure that had been there before, and smiled.

“You’ve got me,” Ryou agreed as he grabbed a piece of popcorn and leaned his head up as he pressed it to Amir’s lips with a smile.

[slinkinginshadows]

Ooh... what about a death/sh scenario where Yami Marik’s body (his tum, especially) is all kinds of messed up when he gets back from the Shadow Realm, like he’s been starving this whole time and all he wants to do is eat some good food, but it HURTS, and he keeps overdoing it too, and Ryou is trying so hard to help (gentle foods, tummy rubs when things go wrong, ‘don’t eat all of that!’, etc)? Just ALL the hurt/comfort

Well, this turned out to be almost 2,300 words, oops. :p

Warnings: Disordered eating, emetophobia, and a description of someone that’s unhealthily skinny.

Ryou wasn’t sure what to do when Malik’s other half came stumbling into his apartment four years after he’d been banished to the shadows.

The fact that he’d barely managed to get a word out before collapsing on the couch certainly didn’t help matters.

So Ryou tested the heartbeat on his wrist- it was slow, definitely a not-healthy kind of slow- and tugged his ragged shirt up to check for wounds that might need to be bandaged. (He had blood all over, but from the erratic colors, a lot of it probably wasn’t his.)

He sucked in a breath at the sight, wincing. “Oh boy.”

Malik’s other half was wasting away- thick muscle had turned lean, and his ribs could be felt easily when Ryou brushed his fingertips across the dry skin. Ryou rushed to prepare something for him to eat, stirring together eggs and bacon for protein.

He knew that Malik’s other half was dangerous, of course. Because of him, he’d been knocked out for… a day? Two? Time had been funny in the shadows. Too long, that was for sure.

But no one was dangerous in the condition that he was in, at least not a dangerous that couldn’t be negated with a good slice to the throat, and the spirit’s skills with a knife hadn’t entirely faded when he did.

Besides, things had been awfully boring lately, and this was something new.

Ryou finished the eggs, pouring them into a bowl and settling down on the couch, passing it just above the other Malik’s face. He sniffed before his eyes blinked open- one and then the other. He jolted up, scrambling back and trembling.

“I made you some eggs.” Ryou said, holding the bowl out with a spoon. “You looked hungry.”

He stared for a moment. The hanging scraps of his clothing looked so pitiful that it almost hurt, like Ryou was the one who’d had his insides wasted away. Then, he lunged forward and grabbed the bowl, holding it close. He sniffed at it one more time before digging in.

Ryou simply watched as his guest wolfed the eggs and bacon bits down. He stood up to grab a comb and an extra shirt when the other Malik slapped a hand to his lips, pupils shrunk to pinpricks and cheeks ashen.

There was a garbage can close enough that Ryou managed to grab it just before the other Malik started retching, and he dropped the bowl of eggs in favor of curling his fingers around the rim of the can. Wet splatters sounded from it as he vomited into the plastic bag, and Ryou sighed.

“Maybe next time you could try going a little slower. I’m going to guess that you haven’t been able to eat in a while.” Ryou’s hand hovered over his back, but… somehow he knew that wouldn’t be a good idea from the scars he could see through the tears in the fabric.

He nodded slowly. “I… don’t know why I’m here.” He said quietly, voice laden with ash and scratchy from survival. “Did you summon…?”

Ryou shook his head. “I haven’t tried to summon anything in a while. It’s Friday the 13th and last night was a full moon, maybe the barrier was weak and you fell through.”

“Maybe.” He said, wiping at his mouth with his bare arm. Ryou stood up.

“I’ll get you some water. Swish it around and spit it into the trash, then I’ll change the bag.” Ryou said, feeling eyes follow him as he grabbed a glass and filled it up. He brought it back and the other Malik chugged the first half of it, before seemingly realizing that his mouth still tasted disgusting and using the rest to swish and spit. He shoved the can further down the couch towards Ryou and away from him, and Ryou pulled the bag out.

Other Malik curled a hand around his side, letting out a low hiss. “Feels even emptier… like fire.”

“That’s what happens when you throw up.” Ryou said, tying the bag off and bringing it over to the door so he could throw it out later. “From the look of your stomach, you’re malnourished, and your stomach probably couldn’t handle that much. I’ll make some toast.”

“Why are you… being so kind?”

Ryou shrugged. “You haven’t tried to kill me yet, have you? I can protect myself if you try, and I’d feel bad I pushed you out and you died on the street. So, toast.” He grabbed a bag of bread and untwisted it, slotting two pieces in and sliding the lever down. “Do you prefer butter or jam?”

“Jam.” He said, still sounding bewildered.

There was nothing for a few minutes, just the gentle thrumming of the heating system above and around them, before the toast popped up and Ryou spread some strawberry jam over it. He carried a plate over to the couch. “Try to have this one a little slower?”

The other Malik nodded, taking a big bite but also slowing his chewing a bit. He worked through the two pieces of toast and set a hand on his stomach. “Ugh, why do I feel full already? I need more.”

“You’re adjusting. If days pass the same there as they do here, you haven’t eaten well in four years. You’ll be able to eat more as time goes on, I’m sure.” Ryou hurried over to the closet, then tossed him an oversized band shirt. “Here, put this on. Your clothes are down to scraps.”

“You’re not taking them!”

“I’m not going to, but you’re shivering- at least put the shirt on over it.” Ryou said. The other Malik took his cape off, tugged the shirt on, then immediately pulled the tattered remains back around his neck, even though it was really more of a suggestion of a cape than anything at this point.

“The guest room has the monster world field in it and I don’t have a cot, but you can sleep on the couch.” Ryou tossed him a blanket from the closet. “If you’re really hungry, you can make yourself something, but be careful of the takeout leftovers, they’re like a week old.”

“You aren’t-”

“If you want to run, you can run, but I’ll be here in the morning.I’m locking the door to my room, but the front door’s open. ” Ryou said.

The other Malik gave a grin, but it was half-hearted and lopsided, like a broken doll. “As if that would stop me.”

“A good gust of wind could stop you, right now.” Ryou said, closing the door to his shocked expression.

__________

It was difficult to sleep. Not a surprise, with the guest he had, but Ryou had locked the door and propped a chair against it. He wasn’t getting in without Ryou knowing.

He turned over in bed, unable to get comfortable- all he could see was the scared look in those amethyst eyes as the other Malik had stared at him before collapsing.

“He’s fine. You fed him, he can figure the bathroom out.” Ryou said to himself. “As long as he doesn’t go out and drag a corpse back, it’s fine.”

Ryou managed to reassure himself enough to almost slip away to sleep, until at 3am he heard something slam in the living room, and he had the chair out and the door open before he even realized he was doing it.

Half the lights were on, and the bowl that had contained the eggs was sitting on the counter. The fridge was half-open, and the other Malik was gagging over the sink.

“What did you do?” He just heard more gagging and thick splatters.

Ryou grimaced at the sound, treading carefully as he walked over. Upon closer inspection, a few things had been pulled out of the fridge. A cup of yogurt was half-empty, there were about four slices of bread gone from the bag, and the cup of noodles he’d made to figure out what to do with later was gone. The little box of cookies he’d bought a few days ago was torn open and had crumbs scattered around it.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what had happened.

“I told you not to eat any more.”

“There was… no food. I… took it where I could get it.” He groaned, spitting out brown saliva. “There was so much, I…”

“So you ate yourself sick.” Ryou finished. “Come here.” He wet a wad of paper towels and dabbed at the other Malik’s face. He looked worse than before. “You’re not going to get any better if you do this.”

“My stomach hurt, I’ve been hungry for so long.” He mumbled.

“It was probably already full from the toast.” Ryou said, tossing the paper towels into the bin before leading the other to the couch again. He tugged the bin closer in case of any accidents, before setting his fingers on top of the other Malik’s stomach. He used his fingertips to gently massage it, feeling as much as hearing the acids inside gurgling as they tried to digest food no longer there.

“Not so hard!”

“If you don’t make yourself sick, this won’t hurt.” Ryou said, but softened his touch a bit. “Just… stick to simpler foods in small quantities for now. I know it must have been hard, but just throwing it all up again is going to be worse.”

He got a nod, and pulled back. “All right. Your stomach is going to be really upset right now, so just a glass of water would be best.”

“I can get it.” He stood up on slightly wobbly legs, but managed to fumble for a glass and fill it up. He took it in a few big gulps, but didn’t throw up, so Ryou sighed but didn’t say anything.

Ryou used the faucet to clean the sink a bit. Then, Ryou decided to leave the door unlocked, and by next morning Malik’s other was sleeping on his side, hugging the pillow and with no sick in the bin. Small victories.

________

The next few weeks were give and take. Ryou had to concede a few times to giving Malik’s other something sweet or meaty, but only if he’d managed to keep from binging on whatever he could find, which included vegetables in the shared apartment garden. Slowly but surely, he lost the sharpness in his limbs and chest, started to look a little more human again.

Ryou didn’t mind sharing his space or his food. He made enough from his side job selling custom figurines, and had a tidy sum he’d set aside from when he’d gotten an allowance as a teen.

The other Malik was much better conversation when he wasn’t starved and half-feral, and Ryou found himself laughing at his jokes. They were often dark and creepy, and sometimes they were just bad puns that reminded Ryou of the Ring Spirit, so he grinned and made bad jokes right back. It was nice, not getting strange looks when you thought something was funny. They’d both been through hell, thinking clouds looked like roadkill sometimes wasn’t the worst way of coping.

Together they learned that he liked all kinds of sweet things, especially with honey, as well as burgers, and noodles with lots and lots of butter. Anything with lots of spice, although he usually had a big glass of milk ready in case it was too much.

He chose a name for himself- Amir, prince. They both liked it.

Sometimes, he still went overboard. When he’d forgotten to eat because he was playing video games with Ryou for too long, he’d raid the fridge while Ryou was in the shower, and Ryou had to soothe his stomach with soft rubs and reminders that there would always be enough food The words were never too harsh, though- Ryou remembered what it felt like when he awoke after the spirit hadn’t eaten in days. He couldn’t imagine having to deal with that for four years.

Amir ended up softer than Malik had been- not fat, but there was a definite bit of squish around his midsection before his eating habits started to level out. Ryou didn’t mind, and Amir didn’t seem to either, so Ryou just kept as many healthy foods around as sweets and things were fine.

Ryou liked having someone to cook for, and after a while, Amir insisted on learning, so he could make things for Ryou. That was nice too. He was a pretty good cook when he put his mind to it, and Ryou was more than happy to sample whatever he offered.

Two months after Amir had stumbled into his kitchen and passed out, Ryou brushed his fingers as they both reached for the popcorn at the same time. Amir glanced over at him, considering for a moment, before pulling the popcorn away and setting it on the side table next to the lamp.

Ryou was about to protest, before Amir tugged Ryou unto his lap and then set the bowl of popcorn on Ryou’s lap.

“There we go, now I’ve trapped you.” He grinned, wrapping his arms around Ryou so he still had easy access to the popcorn. Ryou leaned back against him, feeling a bit of cushion instead of the frighteningly skeletal figure that had been there before, and smiled.

“You’ve got me,” Ryou agreed as he grabbed a piece of popcorn and leaned his head up as he pressed it to Amir’s lips with a smile.

[writebethany]

Vega talks to Cat about possibly being in love/having sex/relationships. She feels too awkward talking to her moms about it because even though she knows they love her, she's a teen. What fucking teen wants to tell their parents they want to have sex. Especially when one is a scientist. (Is still desperate to get the presentation of "where babies come from" out of her head) And Kara can't keep her trap shut. So. She goes to Cat. Cat won't tattle.

Previous parts

Vega’s fifteen and in the middle of her sophomore year in high school when her thoughts turn back to relationships and sex. People around her are starting to actually get into the relationship game more seriously now. It’s not the giggling ridiculous two days on before calling it quits thing that it was in middle school. She sees all these people joining up and being happy together and while she thinks she’s not ready for it now, she wants to know more about it. 

There’s only one problem with knowing more, she has no idea who to ask. She could just Google everything she wants to know, it’s not like the internet wouldn’t have the answers she’s looking for, but she would have to weed through a lot of bad advice and just plain fake stories for the truth. Since she has no real clue, that seems like it might do more harm than good. Which leaves asking someone around her for advice.

The first and obvious choice would be her parents, but god, she’s still cringing over that power point her Mom had showed her when she was little and her Ieiu’s knowledge comes mostly from Krypton, which had sexual mores even more archaic than Earth’s so she’s not sure how far she’d get there. And while her Mom flails around sometimes and just plain screws up her Ieiu is the one that’s more likely to freak out in a more…interesting way, so they’re definitely off the table for reasons other than the fact that who in the world wants to talk to their parents about this stuff anyway.

The next is one of her honorary aunts and uncles. Winn is a no because he’s about as awkward as they come, though he did eventually manage to find a nice girl just as nerdy as him, and Vega really does like Lyra, but that was definitely luck on his part and not knowledge. James is a possibility, but while he’s the one who always listens when she needs to talk there’s just something about this that Vega thinks wouldn’t work out. Lucy is the best candidate, but Vega isn’t sure that whatever she says wouldn’t eventually make it back to her Mom, if only by accident. Working at the DEO is stressful and she knows things can slip under those conditions. If she can’t think of anyone else, though, Lucy will be who she goes to. Kara’s never on the table because she’ll tell Vega’s Mom everything out of some worried aunt/sisterly duty. 

But the thought of Kara brings about the thought of Cat. Cat knows pretty much everything and Vega knows that the woman can be trusted with secrets. There are more than a few accidents that she got into with Carter when they were younger that Cat had never told her mothers about because Cat knew her mothers would freak out more than warranted. Not that Cat hadn’t sat them down and explained why what they had done was dangerous and not to do it again, but it had been calm and reasoned, and honestly made Vega feel bad about what they’d done because Cat was disappointed that they weren’t more careful and had stopped her from doing it again more effectively than any rant from her mothers would have. So Cat would give her any answers she wanted and wouldn’t sugar coat them, which, right now, when high school is more than a little confusing with everything, is kind of what Vega wants. 

Vega texts Cat late enough one night that she’s sure the other woman is home from the office. “Hey, Cat, can I ask you a few questions? Um, about relationships?” She agonizes over the words for a long time before just hitting send and hoping.

Cat messages back with all her usual efficiency with a “Come over, there’s an abundance of tacos since Kara is off fighting the villain of the week. The balcony is unlocked.”

Vega quickly changes into the all black outfit that her Mom had mandated every time she went out flying. Once she’d hit high school they’d started to allow her to use her powers sparingly provided Vega followed the rules they set. Flying meant all black and a black face mask so no one could figure out who she was. Honestly, in another couple years when she stopped growing and finished filling out Vega thought that the mask wouldn’t be necessary. She looked so much like her Ieiu that people would just assume Vega was her. But that wasn’t now. And so she slips out of the door after shouting down the hall that she’s going to Aunt Kara’s for a little bit and getting the shouted back ok from her Mom who actually isn’t on whatever mission that Kara is right at the moment. 

Cat’s penthouse is one of the many places that feels like a second home. Vega steps in and goes straight to the kitchen where Cat is plating up what is a really massive quantity of tacos. Vega’s mouth waters. God, she really loves tacos.

“Hi,” Vega says, slipping onto the stool by the island.

Cat shoves the plate of tacos at Vega. “Hello.” She grabs a plate for herself and then grabs them both bottles of water before sitting next to Vega. “So, relationships.” She’s never been one to beat around the bush.

Vega picks up a taco to stall for a second, gathering her thoughts. “Uh, yeah, I guess I just…I’m kind of confused. And I think I want one, but like, not right now, and I don’t even know who I would be with, but.” She shrugs. 

Cat hums. “High school is confusing like that, most definitely.” She laughs, a bit bitter. “Especially when you’re attracted to other girls in an era that isn’t very friendly to such inclinations, but at least this day and age is a little better. A little. Is there anything specific you want to know?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I know enough. Like. I got the whole where babies come from talk from Mom and I just…never again Cat, never again, there was a power point.” Vega stuffs the taco in her face and chews, hoping that the taste soothes the cringing that her soul is doing. It does somewhat.

Cat chuckles at that. “That does sound like your mother.” She takes a bite of her taco thoughtfully. “I think the most important thing to know is that there’s no real right way to have a relationship and that you don’t have to be ready when everyone else is. You can take your time and when you’re ready you can venture into the dating world. No one gets to decide for you.”

Something in Vega does relax at that. She needed to hear that. She didn’t even know she did, but Cat had.

“What is it like, being in a relationship?” Vega asks.

“It depends on the other person you’re with. With Kara it is warm and safe but there’s sparks of excitement. With other people I’ve been with it’s been thrilling like a rollercoaster ride or calm and serene like a lake without a breeze. They were all good for a while for me, but I found that I couldn’t be all excitement or all lazy and relaxed without eventually burning out. For you it could be different. And it won’t always feel great because every couple has disagreements, but as a whole it should be good. If it isn’t, then that’s a sign to leave. You have to support your partner and they have support you back for it to be worthwhile.”

Vega nods at that. That…it makes sense to her in a way that nothing has before about all of this.

“How do you know if you’re even interested in someone like that?” Vega’s had so many problems trying to figure out what were romantic feelings versus just straight platonic. Or more what she wanted to be romantic feelings that just weren’t.

“That’s something else that will be different from person to person. But I can tell you what it feels like for me. It’s, it takes a while for a person to catch my attention like that because I need to feel as if they are my match before I’m ever interested in them. When I finally do see them in that light it’s, there’s this warmth that sits at the bottom of my spine and it radiates outward. It feels like I’m being lit up from the inside. And sometimes that goes nowhere, but when it does, well, sometimes there’s sweaty palms and a thundering heart and maybe a bit of trouble breathing, but I’ll never admit to such cliche symptoms. In all cases, I think you always want to be closer with that person no matter what.”

Vega eats in silence with that information for a while. This is helping, she thinks, but it’s all still so vague, but maybe that’s just the way it is. There’s no exact science to it, but there are some ground rules that everything branched off of. She was only going to know the ground rules until she actually went out and dated herself.

“What about guys versus girls?” She looked away for a second. Vega hadn’t been able to figure that out either. She knew that she found both pretty to look at, that was about it.

“Both are good, at least for me. I didn’t stop being bisexual when I married Kara, nor did she when she married me. We just stopped looking. That’s just another thing that no one can tell you how to feel. If you like boys only fine, girls, ok, both, more the merrier.” Cat snorted. “Though if you want my opinion, at least women can find the damn clit.” She took her empty plate and stood walking over to the sink.

Vega blinked at that for a second, blushing. Well, she supposed that did lead into her next question. “And sex?”

“Sex is…” Cat sighed. “You know I’m not giving you a lot of definite answers here, but it also depends. Sometimes you go out and have a one night stand and it’s good, sometimes you’re in a relationship and it’s terrible. In the right circumstances it’s an experience on another level. You’re joining with the other person and giving and receiving pleasure in the most intimate way possible. It’s a connection that can’t be denied. Bad sex, is one of the most awkward things that will ever happen to you. Then there’s sex that’s just normal. It’s good but it isn’t anything to write home about. And if you don’t want it, that is always fine too. There are other aspects of relationships that are just as fulfilling.”

Cat starts to clean up dinner as Vega finishes up her last taco. “I think everything about relationships and sex boils down to don’t force yourself into something before you’re ready, and when you are ready, be safe about it. And if you have any questions along the way feel free to talk to someone, to talk to me again. God knows I have enough relationship experience it might as well get some use somewhere.” She turns to smile at Vega. “Some of the stories.” She laughs.

Vega smiles at her before getting up and starting to help Cat clean. Somewhere her mothers and preening because look at their daughter and her proper manners. She feels a little less confused now, and more sure that this isn’t something she’s quite ready for yet. So her peers can continue on their way with all the dating and drama that comes with it. She can wait for the good aspects of dating until she’s sure, even if she wouldn’t mind companionship now.

“Thank you,” Vega says, as the last of the dishes is slipped back into the cabinets.

Cat just lays a hand on her shoulder and squeezes. “Of course, darling. Any time, I mean it.”  

next part

[tumblunni]

and I’m just thinking about how much its a great template on how to make a small town feel like a real living world, and how to make you get to know characters organically, and such! there’s so much you can take influence from even in wildly different genres of game that dont share any of the same mechanics! So umm here’s my random post of thinking about things inspired by rune factory that I’d love to incorporate into my own games someday~! I think a lot of it could work best for my ‘cathedral tower’ game cos its about protecting a town of people, or my ‘zombie mum’ game cos it could have a lot of similar scavenging mechanics. HMMMM... This game just makes me so inspired!!!

* I really really REALLY like how you gain stat experience from doing various exploration activities around the world, and it translates into bonuses to your battle and/or farming skills. AND those battle and farming skills give bonuses to each other! Like.. walking, eating, taking a bath, throwing stuff, they all add small amounts to your hp or stamina bar. Which means you can farm more! And all the different types of farming and crafting activities, which you can do more of now, add vitality and accuracy and strength. And now you can battle more! And battling gives a very good growth curve of making you better at battling, there’s levels but there’s also great encouragement to try every weapon and magic in order to pump up your stats. Which is also great incentive to do crafting so you’ll actually be able to handle fighting with a low level weapon long enough to gain all the boosts. Which is a great incentive to farm and explore to get those ingredients in order to craft. Which is a great incentive to befriend the townsfolk, and level them up as your companions, and give them your leftover crafted items in order to equip them all good and make them more useful while raising friendship at the same time. aaaa everything links so well, its so well made! it means you can succeed in the game no matter which part of it you’re better at, and its easier to get into trying the stuff you maybe dont like as much. Except for the soil levelling system, thats annoyingly nonintuituive and non-tutorial’d compared to the rest...

* Anyway! Ideas for how it could be expanded even more to give you even more of a sense of progression! And also to make it less repetitive having to reexplore the same areas again and again looking for stuff that only spawns there. Eventually you’re gonna be stuck with a total lack of some early level item and you have to backtrack searching for where on earth it came from :P ANYWAY! The idea! Maybe you could level up your gathering skills with different forms of gathering? You kinda do have that with the mining/farming/etc, but it doesnt have any effect on what you gain, how fast you can gather, how much you gather, etc. It just gives you the battle stat boosts for gathering a lot. My idea was maybe like... if you have high level mining then maybe you have higher odds of finding rare rocks, getting more drops per rock, getting the rarer drops within the rare rocks, rocks respawning faster, etc. So it becomes less and less difficult the more powerful you get! And instead of lots of items being super limited to certain areas, technically every area contains the same rock items and its only your skill that determines what you get. With maybe just a little bit of a levelling curve, like if you enter a high level area earlier than you’re supposed to then its harder to mine a rock. Takes 50 swings instead of 5, or whatever. But this is also a reward for exploring there early, cos you get 50 chances to win a good item from that rock, instead of 5. (Provided you even have enough stamina to manage that!) And maybe high level rocks give more mining experience, or whatever. Aaaaand maybe there are indeed some area-exclusive drops, rather than necessarily everything scaling to your current level. But they wouldnt be as specific as in RF4, where I have to keep going back to this one haunted mansion thats the only damn place containing spiders so far! Like, have several areas at different levels throughout the game, so there’s always a new [item] hunting area thats relatively close to your level at all times. And maybe the higher level equivelant of like... the spider area, would give out bigger amounts of spider items and more exp and whatever. But you could still totally sit around grinding in the low level spider area and start getting higher level spidermeats if you do it enough, its just easier to grind at the later areas. So the level curve still works out! Man sorry this is a long confusing blabber cos i dunno how to explain this XD

* Alternative idea on how to make low level items still relatively available even when it becomes annoying to backtrack to those areas: Digimon World version! Alternative methods to acquire those items easily without gathering will appear as the game goes on. In DW1 the shops unlock in roughly this pattern. (Well, its a sandbox game so you can sequence break at some points and unlock shops in different orders, but yeah) Like around the time you’re 10 levels above [spider area], you get a merchant who sells those spider things. And by now you’ll be making a lot more profit so its way more feasable to just buy it all from them instead of backtracking to gather. Or maybe it could be part of a reward for befriending people? I thought in the cathedral game it would be good if you could set other characters to do work while you’re out adventuring, once youve earned their trust. So you could get an infinate source of those low level items through this method, and maybe get more appreciation for the characters when they’re being super helpful and all. And maybe you could set up various areas in your home base in order to change the low-level item that the npcs will farm. Like, set up a small pen full of tamed spiders that you can milk for cobwebs every day. And as the game goes on, you can upgrade your base and add more room for multiple item-farming areas at once.

* And also possibly have a small chance of characters randomly appearing each morning? Like, instead of necessarily having to backtrack around the town every single day to talk to everybody, once they’re a high enough friendship level they’ll randomly take the initiative themselves. And give you bonus gifts and sidequests and stuff, or maybe have a chance of doing a small favour for you. Like you wake up and a few squares of your farm are already watered or harvested, or one of your items has had its durability restored, or clues have been added on your map on how to find a new area. Or I dunno.. like... they cleaned your house or made you breakfast and you get a productivity boost from friendship joy. But yeah this randomness would be another way you could still receive old items without having to backtrack. Plus generally other anti-backtracking helpfulness! I think that as your level increases it should get easier to do your daily chores, so you have more time to do [insert whatever thing is currently plot important at this level]. Thats a big problem that makes it exhausting to continue playing farming games after a long time. Like.. the first time you run around the town giving people gifts its fun, but after doing a whole year of it it gets frustrating that it never gets easier or less required. Same for farming and backtrack-gathering, and even battling and exploring to some extent. if the way you do these things eventually started to get easier/change in how you do them, then they’d never get monotonous. Though that might just be a problem for me, I guess? I dunno if I’m weird but i find things more and more difficult the more I do them, routines are frustrating to me instead of easier. I have to find ways to always spice it up!

* Another idea of more ways to interact with characters beyond just giving gifts every day! Maybe have bonuses in certain areas every now and then? like, wake up one day and [character] is saying ‘the harvest in [area] is really good!’, and then if you go there you get a higher quantity of stuff, exp, and some cute friendship scenes with the charrie. Or maybe there’s too many [monster] in [area] and the harvest might actually become bad if you dont team up with [character] and exterminate them! And again, it’d become easier as you get higher levelled. At the beginning you’d pretty much be required to go for these events or else miss the chance, but later on if characters trust you a lot they could do it automatically on their own if you miss the event. So they continue gaining bonus exp even when you’re not travelling with them, you still gain (a slightly smaller amount of) the bonus item in your supply box, and really all you lost was a chance to raise more friendship points with them.

* Also maybe sometimes with regular quests/requests, a character could volunteer to help if they like you enough? Not for main story quests, with those you’d just have the character asking if they can join you for it. But with like... fred asks you for some chestnuts to make a cake for gerald, and mary calls you up to say ‘hey i heard about it, i had a big harvest of chestnuts today!’ And then you get friendship with all three of them, and save some time! And you can still refuse if you wanna do it yourself, that way you’d get bonus friendship with fred. cos like, he heard from mary that you said you wanted to handle the problem personally, and he was flattered. :3 (tho some characters would be different, maybe some would dislike it? i dunno)

* I really love that you can give cute hats to the batchelors and batchelorettes in RF4, and they wear them, and it is cute. This needs to be a thing in all games! I also like that the way its done is sorta easter eggy? Its not really explained as its own unique feaure, youre actually never told you can change party members’s equipment, which is a little bit annoying. But its also nice that its just like... “wow, the game’s much more open than I expected!” You can give gifts to characters and you wonder if you can give every single item, then HUH if you give them hats they actually wear them! And they can use all the same weapons you use! Awesome~ I also like that it seems like they have a chance of randomly wearing every hat you ever gave them? Whenever theyre in your party, they wear whatever equipment you last gave them, but when theyre wandering around the town they randomly wear their entire hat history. Thats so cute and makes them feel more alive! Itd be so neat if characters in these games could ‘remember’ stuff like that more often. Like I dunno... maybe the game logs down the first gift item you ever give each character, and then they bring it up during their final max-affection event. With different cute conversations depending on what it was! Like ‘omg wasnt it hilarious, I really hated it’ or ‘i cant believe you got my fave item on the first try!’ And then if its something of medium level like, maybe they say ‘i never really thought [item] was all that special, but ive become quite fond of it now it makes me remember you’. And i dunno, maybe at the ending the game could remember who you had in your party during every big story quest, and show a montage during the credits ^_^

[revivelifesupplements]

Pros and Cons of Protein Supplements Such as Casein

Some foods are often quite controversial, which makes it hard to generate a definitive determination as to their advantage for health. Casein drops into this “grey” category, where the grade of the source and your main health goal require careful consideration.

Casein is the main protein in raw milk, which makes up about 80 percent of its protein . Another 20 percent is whey.     Whey protein has a reputation as healthy exercise protein that support athletic performance and muscle development, and is a common ingredient in sport nutrition powders, pubs and drinks.

A key difference between whey and casein is that vitamin is digested very quickly, which makes it an perfect recovery meal whereas casein is a slow-digesting protein using anti-catabolic properties, meaning it helps decrease muscle breakdown, also in the absence of food.

Whey also has one of the highest concentrations of the branched chain amino acids leucine, isoleucine and valine, which are powerful stimulators of muscle development via activation of the mTOR pathway.

Types and Types of Casein

The two main types of casein are all micellar casein — the most popular form in sport nutrition — also casein hydrolysate, which is predigested and more rapidly absorbed than micellar casein.

Casein can likewise be separated into three chief types: native entire milk casein from raw cheese, milk casein and industrial casein. According to fitness pro Ori Hofmekler, author of “Unlock Your Own Muscle Gene,” there are significant differences between these 3 different types.

Casein is normally expressed using heat or acid processing, and there is a significant part of the issue. Many casein products available on the market are poor in grade, and may even contain toxic residues. As for its own value as a beneficial protein for muscle gain, opinions and scientific proof varies dependent on the particulars.

Hofmekler notes that while native entire milk casein (consisting of protein clusters known as micelles, jumped together with calcium, phosphate and citrate ions) would be the most practical, as it “complements your own body’s acid-base equilibrium and will not result in an exceedingly acidifying effect,” the exact same cannot be said for industrial caseins, which can be exceptionally acidifying.

Moreover, many have casein sensitivities, and if you fall into this category, you would probably wish to prevent casein supplements no matter how large the quality. Frequent side effects of casein include intake or heart burn, bloating, allergic reactions or bad aftertaste.

Protein supplements such as casein can also be contraindicated for those who have kidney of liver disease, because they need to be aware of restricting their protein consumption.

Remember to Avoid Over-Consuming Protein

Having said that, I feel a strong case could be made that ALL people can gain from restricting protein to just what your body requires. If you are an athlete or bodybuilder, then you really do need more, however eating a great deal of protein could backfire, because you are picking physical functionality over long-term wellbeing and longevity.

A close ideal protein consumption may be around 1 g of protein per pound of lean body mass. Trainers, pregnant women and older people need about 25 percent more.

Eating more protein than your body actually needs can provoke a significant biochemical pathway known as the mammalian target of rapamycin (mTOR). This pathway has an essential part in several cancers.

When you reduce protein into what your body needs, mTOR stays vaccinated, which can help decrease your chances of cancer development.

That Casein Is Your Ideal?

Native American casein made from raw milk has distinct anabolic attributes, which makes it an effective muscle-building protein. Due to the slow absorption, also it offers a sustained release of amino acids into your blood flow for many hours.

Therefore it can be employed to keep your muscles at a sustained anabolic manner for a lengthy time period, such as during sleep. Whole milk casein additionally supplies leucine,1,two which a effective muscle builder when obtained from whole food. Products that are similar to indigenous casein are:

•Milk protein concentrate (MPC), an secure, entire protein created by membrane filtration of milk. This filtration yields an end product that includes casein and vitamin at ratios nearly like that at the milk.

MPC has almost identical attributes as native casein, also its own neutral-to-alkaline pH and secure, water-soluble condition makes it immune to heat damage. The very best MPC products are derived from raw milk in natural, cows that are parasitic.

•Micellar casein is processed in an identical way as MPC, however the casein micelles are separated in the amino via microfiltration. This enhances its functional value, as micellar casein has inferior water-solubility.

Generally, a protein powder needs to be reconstituted using liquid, and if it can’t dissolve fully, it loses functional value.

It is possible to increase solubility by using liquid. However, micellar casein can be unstable, and tends to deteriorate if stored within time. As stated by Hofmekler: “Micelles’ interactions contribute to cross-linking of fatsand migration of fat particles into the surface, and also degradation of these casein.

This usually means that although micellar casein has been acclaimed to be superior to additional industrial caseins, it’s yet unstable and therefore poor to native casein and cheese casein. And it may contain undesirable additive residues, such as legumes, sodium caseinate and polydextrose.”    

He recommends doing your homework prior to purchasing a micellar casein product, and inquire the item supplier for an updated certificate of analysis (CofA) along with an independent laboratory report to prove the product’s protein integrity.

Coffee and Cheese Casein Versus Industrial Casein (Protein Isolates)

Cheese casein differs from raw milk casein, but it too has beneficial muscle-building properties. Cheese casein is obtained in the production of cheese — the curd that remains from the process is an entire, complete protein.

Becoming similar to native casein, it gives a slow and effective nutrient shipping. According to Hofmekler, industrial caseins are best avoided. Unlike indigenous casein and cheese casein, industrial caseins are all protein isolates, most of which are expressed from ultra-pasteurized milk using extreme acid and/or heat processing.

The processing typically yields a protein that’s deficient in methionine (an essential amino acid) and cysteine (a conditionally essential amino acid). Both are destroyed during the processing, and those sulfur-containing amino acids are very essential for optimum immune function.

What is worse, ultra thermolyzed (ultra-heated) casein was linked to increased probability of colon cancer. 3,4,5 It is a highly denatured protein that cannot be fully digested. As a result, undigested protein can reach your colon, where bacteria ferment the protein into carcinogenic phenolic compounds. 6 Hofmekler describes:

“Technically, heated protein gets carcinogenic due to fluctuations in their molecular integrity; decreased digestibility and enhanced oxygen waste. The reduced digestibility of cooked proteins increases the loading of nitrogenous waste substance reaching the colon via fermentation to ammonia and phenols — both of which are also cancer promoters.”

It is possible to counteract this threat to a level by eating loads of digestive-resistant starches and other soluble fibers. These function as substrates to feed beneficial gut bacteria and increase carbohydrate fermentation on your colon. By feeding these helpful bacteria, you also decrease the level of colonic protein cessation — along with the danger of colon cancer.

Benefits of High-Quality Casein

As mentioned, diminished muscle breakdown is just one of casein’s main advantages. A recent article from Authority Nutrition delves into some of the proposed advantages of casein, also describes the science behind its muscle-sparing effects therefore:7

“In 1 analysis,8 researchers gave participants whey or casein protein and then measured their complete breakdown rate for its amino acid leucine on a seven-hour period. They found the entire breakdown rate of leucine was around 25 percent greater compared to whey protein category.

This usually means that the casein group decreased the complete quantity of protein burned for gasoline on a seven-hour period. That usually means an improved online protein balance, an integral factor for muscle growth and retention. 9 Bottom Line: This protein is also anti-catabolic. It reduces protein breakdown over the body due to the slow digestion rate and sustained supply of amino acids into muscle cells”

Preliminary studies Also Have found casein can provide additional health benefits aside from muscular growth and muscle-sparing, including the following:

Antibacterial activity

Improved immune function10

Lowered triglyceride levels11

Antioxidant effects12,13

Greater fat loss14

Why I Do Not Favor Casein Supplements

As for me, I don’t recommend casein supplements. High-quality whey protein out of natural grass-fed cows is my taste. My objections into casein could be outlined as follows:

•Many have casein sensitivity, and in these instances, you will probably encounter problems even in case you apply the very best, highest-quality casein available on the marketplace.

•Milk is very full of sugars (galactose), so you can quickly wind up with a top carbohydrate count (total carbohydrates minus fiber) if consuming raw milk. (berry is much better than milk in this respect, as it is reduced in galactose and higher in healthy fats)

•you’ve got milk-derived opioid receptors in your brain, and casein includes organic opioids called casomorphins. 15 (That is why you can become “hooked” to milk products like milk and cheese.) We know that low-dose naltrexone (LDN) is very effective for boosting immune function by blocking these receptors. Conversely, by always stimulating these adrenal glands, you can potentially interrupt your immune function.

As explained by Dr. Thomas Cowan, a family doctor and founding board member of the Weston A. Price Foundation (WAPF), who’s well-versed in the use of both LDN for autoimmune disorders, exogenous opiates (opiates from outside sources; not naturally produced from the body) are in fact potent immune suppressors.

A famous study known as the European Prostitute Study showed the primary risk factor for HIV and AIDS was not sexual exposure, not IV exposure, however opiate exposure. According to Cowan, you find an identical pattern in cancer sufferers. After they start taking opiates for chronic pain, their health rapidly declines because their immune system falters.

Therefore, if you are immune challenged, it would be wise to avoid casein entirely, and for people that aren’t, it might be a good idea to limit its use to times if you require extra protein for strength training. But I personally believe whey protein is also a superior option for it.

•Casein can indeed succeed for muscle development. However, there is a decision to be made: Either you are optimizing functionality, or you are optimizing health and longevity.

Used occasionally and in limited amounts, it is not possible to do any significant injury and may gain your athletic performance, however “protein loading” in general to maximize muscle can increase your risk of long-term health issues such as cancer (from arousing mTOR), also if using casein in surplus, it could potentially have an adverse effect on your immune system.

•Last but not the least, so many of these casein supplements in the marketplace are of inferior quality, either due to their source or the processing. The more a protein is heated the more degraded and poisonous it gets. Therefore, in the event you decide to choose a protein supplement, then make sure that it doesn’t include thermolyzed (heat-treated) casein, which has revealed to be the most carcinogenic among thermolyzed foods. Including casein and whey isolates in addition to all caseinates. 16

Additionally avoid vitamin proteins derived from ultra-pasteurized milk. If the whey maker fails to provide you with a certification of conformity (CoC) that clearly declares their whey is produced from raw milk, then it has probably been ultra-pasteurized.

Final Notes

As you can see, there are pros and cons to take into account. At bare minimum, you would be wise to get your homework to make sure you’re getting a premium quality casein supplement should you decide you want to use it as a muscle building promoter. Your best options are native casein found in raw milk, cheese and cheese casein located in aged cheese and cottage cheese. A close alternate is MPC.

Just be aware of the fact that excessive use — especially if you’re using a heat-treated or otherwise poor quality product — could have drawbacks, possibly raising your risk of certain health problems, including lowered immune functioning and colon cancer.

Others may disagree with those decisions, and I admit I’ve not firmly established a base of evidence against the use of casein. However, I’ve got my feelings, which will remain until or until I find enough evidence to alter or discard them entirely.

from revive life supplements http://revivelifesupplements.com/pros-and-cons-of-protein-supplements-such-as-casein/

[wellmeaningshutin]

Short Story #3: Breakup.

Written: 12/17/2016

The night before was a long one, she had been broken up with and spent a majority of the night in her room, drinking by herself, listening to old opera records that her grandfather left her when she died. She had never really had an interest in opera but she had never really been alone in years, so the alien feeling of the music she’d lever listened to paired well with her newfound loneliness. Her boyfriend had stopped by her house the other night, as usual, and she was just finishing up the stew she was cooking for both of them, it was a recipe they worked on together through the years, since they liked the opposite kinds of foods the stew was a project of finding a balance between them, common ground, and creating a meal they could both enjoy together. When she made the table and they both sat down to dinner he was awfully quiet, just ran his spoon around in the bowl, not really eating, just staring off. She tried to talk to him but his replies were so curt and vague that she gave up trying, it was an awful moment for her, that discomfort and silence, when this was their happiest tradition they held. He checked his watch, she asked what was wrong, he said “Something at work, boss being a dick , you know…” and started stirring up the stew just to find something to occupy himself with. Then her roommate came out, who had been in the process of moving so the couple could live together by themselves, and then the boyfriend stood up, relieved, said “We’re done”, took the roommate in his arm, and walked out the door. She could hear his engine roar and the car quickly drive away, and like that the longest relationship she ever had was over, and she just stared at the door, hoping it was a joke, but after an hour of blank staring and wishful thinking she had to come to terms with reality, so she threw their dinner at the door, bowls shattering, and dumped the rest of the stew down the sink, just knocking over the pot and causing it to sit upside down in the sink. When she woke up it was hard to come to terms that this was her reality, but the bottles lying across the floor showed her that it was all too real.

She lied there in the dark, not sure how to even start her day. It was a Saturday so she didn’t have to worry about work, and she really had nothing planned for this weekend since she was just going to help who she thought was the-love-of-her-life move in. She wondered what she should do, just for a couple minutes, then she pulled her blanket over her head and stopped caring, just resined to lie there until she had to use the bathroom. She was in bed for an hour before her phone started going off, it was one of her childhood friends, Rose, a girl whose name was the only classy thing about her, she was like boxed wine, trying to seen sophisticated while still actively being the inverse. She didn’t really want to talk to Rose, it seemed like her boyfriend would get brought up no matter what and she really just didn’t want to talk about the breakup, she was still coming to terms with it herself. Her phone stopped ringing, problem solved. The phone started up again and this time the sound of it really got to her, that shrill noise that reminded her both of her hangover and of the outside world, she preferred to only care about the room, outside world not mattering, and the phone went silent again. It started to ring a third time so she snatched it up and hurled it at the wall, breaking in half, problem solved. Who did she need to call now anyways?

A couple minutes later she had to get up to use the bathroom. She sat there pissing while staring at her shower, wondering when she’ll bother get around to washing herself, but she considered just letting the water run over her, but she’d have to get undressed and it would be too much trouble. So after she was done she just got up, made her way to the kitchen, but realized the stew was everywhere and had been sitting out all night, in the heat, so she just grabbed a bottle that her roommate left behind, an aged scotch that her grandfather left her when he passed. Her roommate’s grandfather raised her, the parents died in a car accident, and he had that scotch brewed on the day she was born, aging until her 21st birth day, when he went into cardiac arrest and died. Her roommate was leaving it behind for a special occasion. So she picked it up, and first wanted to pour it down the sink, but that would mean she’d have to move the stew pot, so she just gave up and decided to start drinking it. It burned like hell but she was sick of being hung over anyways.

Then she noticed her door was starting to be unlocked, at first she thought it was her ex or his new lover so she propped up her arm to throw at them, but it was Rose who walked through the door with a panicked look on her face, “I really fucking need your help right now Victoria.” Rose had shoulder length blond hair that she wore like Marilyn Monroe, had drugstore makeup plastered all over her face, and fake designer clothing that she got through a special, sexual arrangement.

Victoria just took another drink, “Can’t you see I’m busy?” she said as she waved her hand in the direction of the mess in the house, which lead Rose to process, for the first time since entering, the state of the house and the awful stench that filled it, but she didn’t have time to care.

“Fuck, doesn’t matter this is important,” she used that word a lot, “remember that taxi driver I used to sleep around with?”

“Yeah, I still don’t get why you did that.” The driver was about 300 pounds, covered in hair, and spoke almost solely in dirty jokes. Victoria had to double date with Rose and the driver before, and it was probably one of the worst nights of her life, but not close to topping the night before.

“Well the guy was actually fuckin’ LOADED.”

“I have a hard time believing that.” She took another big drink.

“Well you better believe it baby, cause-” she waited for Victoria to stop coughing from the scotch, “cause well.. You know what? Fuck it. Wait here.” Then she did a twirl as she elegantly walked out the door with posture and flourishes that had been practiced to death in front of a mirror. Victoria was curious now, for starters she didn’t know how Rose even got a key to her house in the first place, and also she had lied a ton over the years just to get attention, but she never left mid conversation or anything, this seemed real. Victoria moved to the kitchen table and sat on the edge, facing the door, where she could see Rose make her way back into the house, quickly this time without the practiced movements, with something held under her knock off jacker. When she got into the house she slammed the door behind her, made her way to the counter, placed something down, then turned around with her back to the object, right in its way. She looked at Victoria with a glimmer in her eye, “Guess.”

“Like, guess what you brought in?”

“Yeah yeah, guess.” She said this as she spun her index finger in the air to speed things up, excited for the big reveal.

“Is it a new purse?”

“Nope”

“Umm,” taking another drink, “like a pair of shoes?” She really didn’t know what to guess, Rose never got this excited and the only objects she’d ever talk about is her clothes.

“Fuck it,” she moved to the side and revealed a brick of marijuana. Victoria didn’t know how to react to this, she smoked like a little bit at parties in college but had never such a large quantity before, she looked to Rose for help but she only returned with an excited look on her face, then was suddenly disappointed in the lack of a reaction. “Its a brick of swamp!”

“Yeah, I can see that, but… why?”

“Why what?”

“Why the fuck did you have to bring it here?”

“Because…” she glided over to the table and started drumming it with her fingers, “we’re going to sell it!”

“We?”

“Yeah I can’t do it alone silly. If a girl like me does a deal out in the desert by herself she’s gonna get raped and her throat slit.”

“I don’t think I’m good muscle.”

“Don’t worry about that,” ending the sentence with a wink.

“Wait where’d you get this?”

“Well, remember that cab driver?” Victoria nodded. “He was a drug runner, and, well, I’m in a little bit of trouble with some lone sharks so,” she gave a big shrug, “I stole it cause I needed cash. Fucker shouldn’t have showed me his stash anyways.”

“Wait, won’t he want it back, why are you bringing me into this?!”

“Well he takes so many bricks to, well, whoever he deals with, so it wont be noticed till the deal is made, and by then they’ll probably think he’s skimming off the top or something and break his legs I guess. And like I said, I can’t do it alone.”

Victoria wasn’t sure if the plan became reasonable, or the liquor was kicking in and her decision making was stunted, but somehow she ended up in Rose’s rose red, tattered convertible, barreling down the desert road to do a drug deal. The view was nice at least. Rose was smoking a cigarette, she felt it made her look classy since thats what people would do in all the old films, and when she wasn’t taking a drag she’d hold it upwards, held between her index and middle finger. Then she suddenly remembered something, took the wheel with her left hand which clenched the cigarette, and reached across Victoria and popped open the glove box, and then smiled when Victoria saw what was inside, a big fucking pistol. “With this fucker you don’t have to worry bout being overpowered. Just fire a couple rounds if things get bad, told you you didn’t have to be worried about being the muscle.”

Victoria took a little while to process this, staring down at the gun, then when everything clicked she stared over at Rose who did her best movie star laugh, well until the cigarette in her driving hand burnt its way down into her fingers and she had to quickly toss it out the window, causing the car to swerve for a brief moment. After the car was back under control, she just gave a smile.

In the distance Victoria could see another car parked a little ways out in the desert, waiting, and she figured this is who the deal would be with. It was just some beat up, gray, dirt encrusted mustang with three men surrounding it, one sitting on what looked like a blanket, checkered red and white, on the hood, with the two other men standing at either side. She started to realize she had still not fully realized the situation she had agreed to, and decided to take the pistol from the glove box, it was heavy, cold, and all too real in her hands, and she replaced it with the bottle of scotch. As they pulled up to the other car, and were about to get out of the car to greet the buyers, Rose turned her head to Victoria, gave a movie star smile, and said “Showtime”