#wooo awesome i feel like shit no matter what i do

[anaalnathrakhs]

food is. evil.

[hustlemeanokay]

The Ghoul v. Lucy v. Maximus Fallout *TV* Fandom Discord

I put "Fallout TV Fandom" discord because well... I've been in the FO fandom for years now and this whole implied racism thing is something new, at least from what I've seen and I've seen a lot in the fandom. This is something that honestly hasn't had a place. Because, there are Ghouls for starters, Synths second, and Zealots galore third in the games. Also, also - the games are set up for the players to assume that the Chinese (the "Red Menace") are this world's punching bag. So, this whole... people shipping Lucy with the Ghoul automatically equals racism thing? Yeah, I don't buy it.

Before I go any further, I want to put a disclaimer here - I'm a huge supporter of shipping all the ships. If you ship Lucy x Max, yaaas honey, get it. If you ship the Ghoul x Lucy, right onnnn, wooo! If you ship the Ghoul x Max?! Rock on, you do you, dude! Poly ship? The more the merrier! Seriously, ship all the ships. Now... as I was saying....

I don't buy it... for one big reason and this is it:

Fallout fandom ❤s Ghouls. For years now, Ghouls with attitude or tragic backstories immediately catch the attention of the fandom and are automatically slotted into the "THIS DUDE WINS" category.

[and this got really long so more below the cut so I don't clog up the dashboard]

The moment "the Ghoul" showed up with his cowboy get up and snarky attitude, smirk, and badass strut? Poor Max didn't have a snowball's chance in hell. And it had nothing to do with Max. Nothing at all. He could be this awesome character, he could be anything and everything and it wouldn't matter. Because a smartass Ghoul with a tragic backstory and a secret heart of gold? Forget-a-bout-it. Hook line and sinker for the FO fandom.

Personally? Team Coop all the way. And I'll tell ya why. I personally cannot stand the Brotherhood of Steel. And Max is just as in it as Danse ever was, or any of the other initiates. He is in it. And I get why. I totally get it. Also, he's a coward. He knows how to manipulate people, good intentioned or not. And he uses it. But he uses it in this kind of... sneaky way. He had lots of golden opportunities to tell Lucy the truth about who he was, including when they first spoke. She would have been none the wiser on what happened to his Knight (because fuck that guy, Titus was an asshole). But he chose to keep lying. For no reason other than it made him feel important. Lying to protect someone, their feelings or literally. Lying to preserve a secret that isn't yours, etc. Yeah, shitty a little but yeah, okay. But lying to literally make yourself better? When there's no need for that shit? Na.

Now, I know the arguments in the for column for Max. I get it. I do. He's a product of his environment, as are we all. But, he's kind of a loser. In that, he gets this big bad suit of power armor because to him that represents being a hero. And he thinks he's going to like go out and stop crime with it. Sure, a little juvenile but whatevs, that's completely fine. But, he almost immediately starts showing off for a pretty girl - which admittedly, probably not something he's seen a lot of (and Lucy's no better here with her big ol' anime eyes flashing hearts at him). But the point is... there are people around and Max is just laying waste to that place just as bad as the Ghoul is, with zero regard for collateral damage. Granted, no one got hurt, but that's not the point. The point is, if he was about the whole "knight" thing? He's completely missing the mark. Yes, I believe the BoS is corrupt ten ways to Sunday but that doesn't mean Max does. He's supposed to believe in things like honor and what it means to be a knight etc. The things he's been taught on top of the whole "seek out old world tech". Now, Max is funny - I will give him that. He's hilarious but at the same time - kind of one note. And again, product of his environment. But when he comes up on Lucy and her Dad, as it's been pointed out before, he doesn't even stop to see what's going on. He just frees Henry and doesn't even think. But that's the core of who he is. He acts first, thinks later. A lot of people are like that. Lucy is like that when she first leaves the vault. Both her and Max have been sheltered, in different ways but still sheltered. Difference between them is that Lucy is adapting and growing, learning.

So, you take this naïve, kinda boring Brotherhood of Steel sorta-Knight and pitch him against the Ghoul. Two hundred year old druggie who is like this strange combo of all of the fandom's most beloved Ghouls to date. There was no contest. To see this man who's been twisted by everything this world has thrown at him, who has sunk behind a role so far that it's not even an act anymore just to protect himself from all of it take on the Wasteland with now a dog and Lucy with him. Mister travels alone now not traveling alone? Of course people are gonna eat that shit up.

Now, personally, I think a future society, especially an apocalyptical one like Fallout, it would basically have nothing but tan people, where everyone is just a mix of everything because when you're facing down something like a fifteen foot tall fucking chameleon with razors for claws (deathclaw) - suddenly, race doesn't seem like that much of a fucking issue.

BUT I digress, a lot - point is... I think if it was Cooper Howard vs. Maximus? Max would win overall. But... the Ghoul vs. Maximus? There was no way Max ever had a shot. (With regards to shipping).

Also, also... on a final note.

[foster-the-moths]

Tell me abt AD!! She sounds awesome

YESSSSSS THANK YOU WOOO!!! okay. so. warnings for death, assisted suicide, and suicide. i think thats all.

so originally she was a passion project. the guy who made her spent over 20 years coding her mostly by himself!! he started coding her around late 70s early 80s maybe?? and booted her up for the first time early 2000s. the reason he made her was he basically saw AI getting a bad rep and thought to himself. hm. i could do better. and he started off by treating her more like a human child! like instead of copy pasting a dictionary directly into her brain he took a more interactive approach. giving her visual and audio input (a camera and microphone) so she could see and hear the world around her. from there he would teach her the alphabet, how to read, ect. after about 10 years maybe?? she is fully sentient and intelligent and her creator basically reveals her to the public eye!! eventually she gets to work at nasa and her ai is replicated + industrialized (the coding not her). she gets transferred to a space station and has a wonderful time with her astronaut family operating the station (it is basically her body) until. a nuclear war breaks out. and her and the others on board watch the planet they love get destroyed right before their eyes. and then they run out of food. after a while its clear they are not surviving either way, and they decide theyd rather have her mercy kill them than starve to death. she releases carbon monoxide into the room their gathered in and. now shes alone. im not entirely sure how long shes alone for, but eventually she decides she's had enough. she stops course correcting the orbit of the station and just. lets herself get pulled by the earth's gravity. she wants to be on earth one last time, and she wants to lay her crew to rest. she crashes the space station into the surface of the earth but uh. she survives. to her relief and severe disappointment. she leaves a big ol crater in the wasteland and just. rusts there. for years. until later on Tesa and Warren find her!! and she (reluctantly) joins their little family :] disclaimer i do not know a lot about coding or space so. i have a LOT of research to do lol. feel free to ask more about anything here because theres a LOT happening and this is just her backstory, her story only ACTUALLY starts when she meets warren and tesa (and cerberus).

more fun facts about her:

-'A.D.' is actually more of a title! like 'mr.' or 'ms.' or 'mx.' it stands for 'Autonomous Device' which is basically a rebrand of 'Artificial Intelligence' her actual name would be 'Sibylle' (but u can also call her A.D. it doesnt matter lol)

-'Sibylle' is an actual name!! it originates from the word 'sibyl', which has a lot of definitions and rules to what exactly qualifies as one, but in simple terms is basically a female prophet.

-'A.D. Sibylle' is actually an anagram for 'Daisy Bell' :]

-she had a twitter. maybe she even ran the official NASA twitter. purely for shits and giggles. she IS technically Gen Z after all.

[1-talk-alot]

ThereIsABombAboutToBlowItllDefinitelyRuinTheShowPleaseLeaveBeforeItsTooLateIfYouStayYoullSurelyMeetYourFate(StopDancingImNotSpeakingInCodeTheresABombAndItsGonnaExplode) anyways!

I’m gonna it��s my friends again and my opinions on them and what’s changed! (Wooo wooo hurrah bravo)

Bullet points because I like bullet points

M - I had to start with this because it’s like the main topic of this blog most days (aside from me) and like. Look I can’t ignore the shit theyve done ok and I can’t say that I like them now but I will say that I miss them from before. I think like mid-last year was better and when I think of them on my own I can only remember running across the playground hand in hand in the rain or literally cackling over a doodle of Kirby with stick arms in English class or sneaking out of last period a little early together or goofing around in my own kitchen attempting a paper mache volcano and then I feel like a shitty friend for everything I said about them but they both hold true. We’re not the same as how we used to be to eachother and im always going to miss how we were no matter what, and again I’m not saying I like them, im saying I miss them, but I can’t like them for who they became

C - oh my goddd where do I start ok: they used to be like that person who you could always count on to have the bestttt insight advice or just reason. They were always so cool and so admirable (again not in the pervert way) They were always the most logical and just right with their opinions which is why I cannot believe how things have turned. I’m not gonna lost what they did because you (the only one person who I’m expecting to read this) already did like yesterday or the day before idr but holy shit. It’s so fucked up and I can’t imagine how it looks in their head because they have to know what they did wasn’t ok??? I find it hard to believe their oblivious to the fact because they’ve always been the most confrontational voice of reason, they always knew when something was or wasn’t acceptable and they always phrased it perfectly so it’s impossible that they don’t know how fucked up what they’ve done is right??? Im very briefly skimming how I feel about this but yeah thats the basics ig

A - there are two people who’s name starts with A, so to distinguish, I’m talking about the one who also likes to refer to themselves as Bruce Wayne as an inside joke: I have nothing bad to say about this person and nothing has changed I just wanted the excuse to say how cool they are. They’ve got like the best moral compass in the world and theyre so easy to talk to in the way that they can carry most of the conversation somehow??? Theyre also so easily hilarious and just like. Top teir personality man I honestly didn’t know people like you still existed but it’s nice to know they do

K - ok new code name but I’m sure it’s easy to guess who that is: At the start like then they joined I was only skeptical because they were Ms friend which ig is biased but I just wanted to make it clear that it no longer holds true and theyre really nice and I like them a lot :3

L - again nothing has changed so I’m not gonna write everything here since it’s all been said before but they’re really admirable (in a “that persons so [insert complementary adjective] I wish I could be like them” way not in a pervert way obviously) and theyre really cool and I also like them a lot and they make going to school sooooo much more manageable honestly

K - since there are two people who’s name starts with K now I’m gonna specify this is the one who’s a girl and is also Russian (to distinguish between the other “K”) anyway She’s so so so so so so cool omg Ik I’m saying a lotta positive stuff which is a bit out of character for my rants but she’s also so pretty and she has suchhh good fashion taste I wish I could be her ngl

W - I was mostly planning to do the people who i see every day In school BUT! Whatever so: alright disclaimer W is an awesome friend we’ve been friends for like 8 years and I never wanna change that but ik rn they have an ed (which I’m not bashing on on its own bcs that would be super hypocritical and also fucked up) and they have an underweight bmi rn which is like yk it’s your business im not going to comment on it out of nowhere but they just keep bringing it up unpromted. Like earlier today they said something like “no thanks I wanna stay at 50kg!” Almost totally out of nowhere and I’m as someone who’s never met them before you’d be thinking “oh well that’s asshole behaviour cut ties with them already” and no bcs they’re genuinely not like that at all. And I feel sick talking about this bcs ik if I had a thigh gap It’d also probably be on my mind 24/7 bcs like after all that struggle it’s hard not to be proud but please. As someone who’s trying to recover rn these random out of the blue mentions on how thin they are is just soooo crushing but anyways moving on

E - ok that was a lot let’s lighten up the mood a little bit shall we! Pretty much nothing has changed but I wanted the excuse to write this paragraph anyway

Theyre literally my favourite person ever and ik im not always the most engaging person to talk to (but they are!!) but I loveee hanging out with them sm they make my life so much better and they’re sososososososoo pretty theyre acc gorgeous ahsjajdjajdjja I love them so much words cant capture its entirety <333

To end on a good note im gonna list some of the reasons I love them sm (/p)

- theyre often very passionate and their energy is contagious

- theyre very understanding and non-pressurising :3

- they also get what I mean when I start spouting random words to try and describe an overly specific feeling

- hugs!!! Their hugs are literally the best need I say more

- the weird ass conversations we have (online and irl) that would seem so strange and incoherent to a stranger

- how we dont even have to be talking its just 100% more enjoyable if theyre in the room too

- Art! Theyre such a good artist dude even the doodles in the margins of their books are somehow neat

- they can make me laugh even through text which might be a byproduct of how much I love them but it still counts

- idk if this sounds stupid but they just have like all the best opinions (except when it comes to their taste in men /j)

- writing! Point blank theyre such a good writer idek how to elaborate on that they’re just an amazing writer (“yay!” Said the whole class /ij)

- Ik I’ve been harping on this a LOT today but for the final time theyre so fucking prettyaydjajdjjsdh

- I can trust them with anything :3

- feel like this is too long and I could pretty much think of new points forever so im gonna stop now but you get it :3

Anyway I just realised I started saying “bullet points bcs i like bullet points” and then proceeded to not do bullet points so you can kill me now it’s ok (I didn’t proof read this btw)

Bye bye!

[j2zara]

Also like I wanna clarify (& apologize? Yeah) that like for the record I know I’m not entitled to anyone’s eyeballs or their time or responses or literally any of it I’m so fortunate every day and some things are not for everyone and if you are someone who has read things I’ve put out as much as it’s hard to fight the thing in ur brain that says wooo number go up the trepidation to like publicly air something very vulnerable and what you like or how you feel is very real and i think that’s important to honor and respect on my part like! Number go up does not matter. I love you guys. I have to deal with my own insecurity about putting things out in the world for people to see bc before these past few months I basically didn’t do it in four years and every time i feel sick to my stomach but like you guys are awesome. Ultimately number go up is fleeting but the shit you guys have written to me replied to me messaged me etc etc abt my writing but also just in the day to day. That’s once in a lifetime stuff.

The need for approval or to like. earn my place here is like. Always in a weird tug of war with the knowledge of how cool and funny and sweet you guys are. Spider noir voice. I uh. Love you. All

Sometimes you write straight up porn and it’s kinda insular and weird and self involved and you just gotta grit your teeth and tell yourself you’re doing it for the love of the game

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Hey, it's me again, I hope you are still open for requests! You said I could ask for Mic content and, if I still can, what about some DadMic headcanons, with his own child and/or an adopted one?! Which one you prefer is fine! I hope you are doing well and thank you for the opportunity you gave me! Take care 💗

A/N: Hey you!! Thank you for requesting, it means a lot that you like my present mic work. And yes, you most definitely can have some DadMic headcanons. If you have any more requests just let me know. I did hours worth of homework and it deleted so i’m kind of like forget school and imma become a professional headcanon writer so honestly hit me up with as much stuff you want :)))))))

-

(i kind of wrote this like you are in the ages of like 6-10 so just keep that in mind)

-I feel he would have his child out of wedlock, maybe when he was younger out partying things got a little crazy then bam, next thing he knows he has a child with no mom and no idea what to do.

-cAlLs AizAwa 

-No but He’s a great Dad honestly, although he's clueless sometimes, he tends to figures things out fairly quickly

- At first it was really hard for him since he had this baby, a new hero career, and the whole world trashing on him, he totally broke down a few times and wanted to give up. BUt aizawa and his other friends helped him through and encouraged him

-You’re his little sunshine and HE LOVeS yoU tO death

-calls you literally any pet name that is very soft and cute and innocent

-He buys evErything for you, i swear! If you just look at something for more than two seconds, it’s in his cart and he’s buying it for you

-”dad you don-”

-”shh pumpkin, let daddy buy it for you.”

-your room is filled with what every girl wants to have

-He learns to do your hair, no matter the texture or thickness or length, he’ll watch youtube videos and figure it out

-he lets you do his hair as well, braiding it, curling it whatever, he’s totally fine with it. JuSt DoNt CUt iT

-New school year and you need new clothes?? Yeah over 1,000 dollars worth of stuff brought.

-speaking of school, sometimes you get comments and stuff from teachers or students because you might not look like him or because you don’t know who your mom is, ect.

-At first when you were younger, it didn’t hurt you, you couldn’t understand that anyways, but as you started to get older it affected you more and more until one day you came home crying to present, and it literally breaks his heart

-”Daddy, why isn’t my skin as light as yours, and my hair isn’t as thin? The other kids make fun of me for it...it really hurts me. And WHere is mom? Does she not love us? You’re really sweet i don’t know why she doesn’t want to be with you…”

-”why are you asking this?”

-”The kids and teachers at school…”

-RAGE MODE ACTIVATED

-He literally storms down to your school and demands that the questions and comments stop or he’s going to press charges

-Never ever was asked about any of those things again...well, more or less, sometimes you hear teachers or students whispering or makings sly comments but you chose to ignore those things 

-”DONT YOU EVER TALK TO ME OR MY LITTLE CUTIE PIE EVER AGAIN.”

-HUGs!! He hugs you like all the time everyday when he sees you. Like it’s his way it’s saying i love you although he screams that to you all the time

-”Y/N MY LITTLE GIRL,” *jump hugs* “I LOOOOOOOVveevVVEVVEvevV Ee YOuuUUUUUUOoUUUU”

- PROTECCS YOU AT ALL COSTS

-Like when the world found out that he had a kid, and he was still kind of a kid himself with a just starting a career, he kind of got shitted on a whole lot...by everyone and the press is always writing stories and stuff so when you were old enough to read or understand some stuff he’d often keep TV off or keep you away from the press and media although that became harder when you had to go outside and go to school but as much as he can limit that crazy stuff you see, he’ll do it.

-He makes sure you can defend yourself and as soon as you get your quirk, he’s training you. He will never push mega hard however he makes sure that the training is vigorous enough that when danger comes...you’re ready 

-Being a pro hero’s child can mean you’re in a lot of danger, people want to kill or kidnap you to hurt the hero so he’s constantly worries and on you about safety

-If your quirk is similar to his, skskkdnjsk he literally will SCREEEEEEEE, he thinks it’s so awesome you have a quirk like his and he will make sure that the both of you will annoy Aizawa 

-As much as Hizashi spoils you, you had to grow up a whole lot quickly. Even though he’s an underground hero and kinda works on his on time, his job is still quite demanding and he has to be gone a lot so that means you need to learn how to cook, clean, do your homework, etc. on your own so if anything happens (god forbid) you know how to take care of yourself. when you were younger tho he’d have a babysitter/nanny to look and take care of you while he’s at work

-Although when he is home he cooks and does all of that stuff. HE'S A REALLY GOOD COOK??????? Like seriously and don’t let me get started on the pastries he makes...mmmm yummm…

-only burnt down the kitchen once...Don’t tell Aizawa plez ;-;

-He actually feels very very bad about leaving you at home a lot with responsibility, he’s all about fun and really just being a kid so he always apologizes to you and plans something super fun when he’s off of work. Like laser tag, going out for ice cream, or just building forts at home. He makes sure you have a balance

-He might’ve brought you a puppy so you would have a friend, you let him name the puppy and now you have a “Mr.Ruffkins” running around your house

-He let’s you have girls night which is basically just you and him and sometimes a friend, and you guys just paint each other nails, put bows in each others hair, all the girly stuff,  and just talk about anything. 

-It’s his way i guess to make up for the mother-daughter time you don’t have in your life

-Cute picnics at the park with a bunch of snacks and you guys will just feed the little duckies and animals 

-Brings you around his agency or to his radio show all the time, like everyone that works there knows and loves you a whole lot. You even have a mini cute pink desk with a name tag on it.

-You have a little segment on his show called “LittleMic and PresentMic” and you guys just talk about crazy weird stuff and reach out to single Dads who are also raising up kids. It’s super cute i swear.

-Aizawa is your tired uncle that says he hates coming over but he comes over like everyday and eats all your food while watching TV on the couch 

-He’s the best uncle though but he’s super blunt. So sometimes you go to him for advice or just to talk. He adores you though and checks on you while DadMic is at work or something. 

-Aizawa call you “Kiddo” or “littleMic” or just “y/n”

-Present lets you pick out his new tattoos, and one time he let you draw one….now he has a crooked purple butterfly on his arm...it’s all good tho

-Father daughter danceeeeee ya ya ya! You guys bring the moves and the music to the dance floor like get out the mf way swines.

-He picked out your dress and you picked out his suit, he even let you do a little man bun

-sometimes when you guys are just chilling at home, you will play some of your favorite classics, and you will step on his feet and he’ll dance, you guess may have fell like twice.

-speaking of music and dancing, he will turn up all of the pop jams that you love (slipping some of his rock n’ roll faves) THROW candy all through out the house and both of you are dancing in weird costumes while singing

-”I LOOOOOOOOvvEEEE ROcKKK N ROLLLLL SO PUT ANOTHER DIME IN THE JUKE BOX bAE bEEEEEEBHEDB”

-You are very much involved in music and he showed you how to make your own mixtapes, playlists, and how to DJ on your own

-piggy back rideeeesss yuuuuhhhhh. When you’re feeling sad he randomly picks you up, twirls you onto his back and runs around the house yells

-”WOOOOOSSSHHHHHH MEGA JET FLYING A SAD PASSENGER, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY WOOOOOSSHHHSHSH”

-Usually does this until you’re laughing and playing along with him

-”KrrSHH THIS IS FLIGHTER PILOT Y/N WITH MY  TRUSTY JET YAMADA ON MY WAY TO DESTROY THE ENEMY PLANE, ANyoNE copPY?”

-one time you like dressed up like him for halloween and it was lit. hair somehow slicked up, black leather jacket and some headphones...wooo child you looked cool

-”PRESENT MIC MAY I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH???”

-”nO PapArazzi PleAse”

-I feel as though you’d be bilingual, Japanese and English. I feel at home it’ll lean more towards English although there’s a hint of Japanese in there

-He rarely gets mad at you but if he did, it’s probably because you put yourself in danger or something of that sorts

-If you cannot sleep, he’ll let you sleep with him and he’ll have blue clues playing in the bakground to help “sooth you” (he enjoys that show very much”

-”THE CLUE IS RIGHT THERE BLUEEEE”

-”dad? I-”

-Tells you stories about his high school/early life and gives you advice

-”in conclusion do not throw a pumpkin at a security guard or you might get hurt...okay love bug?”

-The sweetest thing ever, like he randomly makes weird faces or says random things to make you laugh

-Forehead kisses or little cheek kisses

-Twirls you around and says “Ah my little princess looks lovely today”

-OMG TICKLE FIGHTS I SWEAR YOU’RE GASPING FOR AIR SOMEONE HELP YOU BUT LIKE ITS FUN

-You help him choose outfits when he’s indecisive

-”take away the scarf and go with the graphic tee and maybe the black boots instead of the red ones”

-”Look at my child, a fashion Icon.”

-He let you decorate the house so now there’s glitter, pink stuff, rainbows and sparkles all around the house but it’s super cute. 

-Many cute photos of you guys in macaroni picture frames.

-HE TAKES PICTURES OF EVERYTHING LIKE STACKS OF PHOTOS SMHHH TAKE THE CAMERA AWAAAAYYYYY

-Being Present’s Child would be super cute and mega fun. He’s one of the most interactive loving dads out there, you would never feel lost or lonely for a second. Seriously he is the dad that we all wanted/ needed as a kid lmao. 

[oneemotionalblender]

Steve Rogers x Reader- Dance

Here's another one , yay <3

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

Steve POV

I was sitting at my bed , staring at nothing . God , life was so easier before .  I was visiting Peggy's grave yesterday . I think I'm ready . To move on . To live again . Maybe , just maybe , I have a chance of being happy again .

I stretched my arms and looked at the clock . Five am . I jumped out of the bed , changed into my training clothes , grabbed a water bottle and made my way out of the compound , for my everyday morning run .

It was sunrise , and the sky was painted beautiful shades of rosy pink , orange  and baby blue . Looks like an amazing day is ahead of us . I came to one of my favorite parks and slowed down a little . I looked around myself . People who are rushing into work with coffee in one hand , and phone in other , probably talking to their other halfs , to pick up kids  after lunch . Dog lovers with their pets running in front of them . Some people on bicykles , some roller-skating , and some are skateboarding . I see one or two younger couples , just enjoying the time they have . I smile to myself as I remember the old times . Bucky flirting with all girls , who were crazy about him , constantly trying to get me to date someone . The good old times . I miss them .

In the distance , I see older couple , maybe around 70 years . They are holding on to each other , as if nothing else mattered . Talking and smiling , feeding pigeons as they did . They looked so happy . So peacefully . As I was watching them , they saw me and smiled . And in that moment I knew . I want that sometime . I can't save the world forever . I want a normal life . Well as normal as I can have it . Guess , we'll just have to wait and see what life has prepared for us .

I ran into some fans , took some photos , signed some things and stopped for coffee . I looked at my phone and saw that it's already six . Better head back to the compound and have some breakfast.

-time skip-

After breakfast , I've gone grocery shopping , and than training . As I was cleaning the mess I made , Bucky walked in with a smile on his face .

" Hey Buck . " I smiled at my best friend .

"Hey , listen ... I know you're Captain America and your life is all about "GoD bLeSs AmErIcA" and "LaNgUaGe" , but it's been sooo long since we've done something together , and there's this new bar opened just nearby , and guess what , it's 40s themed !" Bucky rumbled at the speed of light . Maybe this could be an oportunity to try to live again .

"And I know you're gonna say that you have responsibilities and-"

"Ok." I cut him off .

"Wait , what ?"

"Ok , let's do it ."

"Are you serious ?! Okay , go get ready . We're leaving at 8 ." I chucled at my best friend . Just like the old times ....

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

When we arrived to the bar , we were met with dim lighting and people dancing . It really was 40s themed . Bucky has authomatically found some girl to flirt with so I made my way to get a drink . And that's when I saw her . A beautiful girl , no woman . Her Y/H/C hair were gently braided in an elegant updo , her beautiful Y/E/C eyes reflected the lighting , her perfect rosy lips were curled upwards in a gorgeous smile that could outshine thousands of stars . She was perfect .  And then she looked at me and I froze .

Your POV

I looked at my phone . Only 5 minutes until my shift ends . I smiled to myself as I made a drink for random customer . I could feel eyes at me and when I looked to my right , a tall , insanely handsome man was looking at me . He had a dirty blonde hair and piercing blue eyes . And then I figured it out . HOLY SHIT IT'S CAPTAIN AMERICA INFSDHNNKD !!! Oh no , he's looking at me . Fuck , what am I supposed to do . Ok Y/N , chill . Play it cool . I looked at the clock and saw that while I was talking here to myself , my shift ended . I swiftly took off my apron , as I made my way over to him because , duh , I'm a fangirl , I need my pictures .

"Good evening , miss ..." Ok , act cool .

"O-Oh , umm Y/N ." Yeah girl , that's the definition of 'act cool'. I mentaly facepalmed . Ok , here we go .

"Um , I'm sorry to bother you but , could you maybe , take a picture with me please ?" I'm a mess . He chuckled . Good God , Y/N stop swooning about him .

"Of course , but could I maybe , I don't know , buy you a drink ?" I blushed and screamed internaly . Is he seriously asking to buy me a drink ? If he would told me to jump off a roof I would do it .

"U-Um yes , please ." WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT Y/N ?!

We made our way over to the bar , he bought me a drink and we started talking . He was actually awesome , kind and a true gentlemen . Not to mention he was extremely good looking .

"So you're from around here ?" He asked me , with his deep , velvet voice .

"Yes , actually my apartment is just above the bar ." GOD DAMMIT Y/N THAT SOUNDED SO WRONG .

"Oh , ok ." Now you've scared him off , great . Just great .

"Oh , um look , I was wondering if , maybe , and you totally don't have to , you know what this was a stupid idea . Forget about it ." What is he trying to say ?

"Chill , it's okay . Anyways , just ask me anything ." Breathe Y/N , breathe .

"Wouldyoumaybewanttogooutwithmeitotallyunderstandifyousayno-" What the hell ?

"I don't understand a word you're saying , breathe . Slow down ." I chucled . He took a deep breath .

"Would you want to go out with me ?" Wait did he just-? OMG he did . Ok Y/N keep yourself together  . Be chill .

"Yes , I would like that very much ." Ok , that was actually good .

"Really ?! I-I mean cool , cool ." I smiled . Adorable . He's like a happy puppy . Snap out of it Y/N .

"Can I have your number ?" He was more relaxed now .

"Yep , give me your phone ." Did you just said yep to Steve Rogers ? Yes . Yes you did .

I wrote my number to his phone . I looked at the clock and realized , that it's already late , and I have an early shift tomorrow .

"I really loved this evening , but I must be going . I have work tomorrow . Text me !" I winked at him from distance . What the hell Y/N ?! Why would you do that ?

As I was leaving the place , I heard distant shouting .

"WOOO GET SOME STEVIE !!!" I chuckled and looked at Steve . He was bright red .

Who knows ? Maybe this could be something good .

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

Okk , yeah . This request was fun to write . If you have some ideas , I take 'em .

Love youu <3

[yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy]

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND Chapter 13

ok, I didn’t mean to take...(doesn’t bother to look at how long since it’s been since I’ve posted anything for this story because the guilt will kill me) however long (feels longer than forever) to update this story. I literally had it all planned out in my head. And then when I went to write it my brain went “fuck you, I am on fumes, I need a break, I’m done.” and it didn’t matter how much I tried to restart or jump it- no go. So I moved on. I went back to school, I’m getting my licence to be a massage therapist, I’ll be doing that until July of next year which I’m currently on break with until Tuesday. But GOOD NEWS. I was going through my tumblr and I still find all these RaeLena pictures and when I went back to this- I found, lo and behold, FUEL. So I started this back up and this baby is running! Wooo! @the-immortal-marshal​ and @warnjai-17​ hopefully you’re still here to enjoy this 

AO3

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND

Chapter 13

The morning of Crowe’s wedding day was bright and brisk and the trees around the farm seemed to have come into spectacular color just for her. The sunrise was especially beatuiful and Prompto and the photographer got some outstanding pictures of it. 

The horses had been washed the day before and kept in their squeaky clean stalls so they didn’t get dirty right before the ceremony. Crowe woke up feeling so happy and excited because today was the day her and her best friend were getting married and Chelsea had worked overtime in making sure every detail was perfect and to make sure Crowe only had decisions to make in a timely manner but no actual work to do through the whole process so it had been a breeze. The girls had all stayed at Sylva’s house and she had had another caterer come in and make everyone breakfast and a team of hair and makeup artists to make sure each girl shined like the jewel she was as Luca and Lilly and all the other little sisters of the those in the wedding party got to get glammed up too. 

Meanwhile Libertus woke up with the worst hangover and felt like death warmed over. He had stayed up half the night, him and his friends around a campfire on Craig’s farm and drank and just talked, some of it was casual, most of it was deep though while Tredd did manage to keep his mouth shut about Ada being pregnant. But he sure did hint at it to Luche which Ravus and Nyx picked up on as Ravus was suspecting that the reason his mother favored Tredd as much as she did was because he had the gift too. 

Craig Sr. and his wife Charla were already hard at work making a mountain of food for the boys and they chuckled to themselves as they watched all of them wake up to the smell of food and come in, each one’s hair crazier than the last as they all did the zombie shuffle to get the food before sitting down at the table as the guys downed pot after pot of coffee and ate in relative silence as bottles of Tylenol, Advil and Aleve were passed around. 

“You boys alive over there?” Craig asked before there was a chorus of groans as an answer which cracked Craig Sr. and Charla up. 

Meanwhile Hazel was sleeping blissfully away in Titus’ bed before the smell of her own breakfast woke her up only moments before Titus came in with their breakfast on a tray. 

“Good morning Beautiful.” Titus cooed to her as her eyes fluttered open before she smiled adoringly at him as she stretched. 

“Good morning, what do you got there?” She asked as she sat up, keeping the blankets up to cover her nakedness but moved the pillows to the headboard so she could sit up comfortably. 

“Breakfast.” Titus beamed. 

“Aww,” Hazel fawned as he gave her the tray and then got back into bed before they cuddled together with the extra large tray over Hazel’s lap. 

“This is really sweet,” Hazel gushed as she started to dig in to the bowl of berries before she pulled the lid off of the plate to see an engagement ring sitting on top of some french toast and gasped as Titus’ heart beat so hard in his chest he thought it was going to break his ribs as his mouth felt like it was full of cotton all of a sudden. 

“So, I was thinking, I know you really like your apartment and I really like the peace and quiet and space of the country, but I thought we could find a happy medium if we built a house together, Oak Creek Estates still has a bunch of lots available and if…” Titus was cut off by Hazel quickly attaching her mouth to his and kissing him as deeply as she could from her spot under his arm as his arm curled around her before his other hand went up to gently caress her gorgeous face, hoping she could understand what he was trying to say because words were failing him but actions never would.  

“Yes, that’ll be perfect, a fresh new start for both of us.” Hazel beamed happily as she had already slipped the ring on before Titus moved the tray over to the floor before he really got to enjoy his fiance for breakfast which is what he really wanted. 

As the clock ticked down Libertus went from hungover to happy to nervous and by a surprise, Luche was too. 

“Cut it out, they’re all gonna think you’re playing with yourself.” Tredd teased as he sat down next to Luche after he came back into the house from helping the firework guys set up all the fireworks for the night before he sat down on the couch as Luche frowned over at him. 

“Cut what out?” Luche tried to deflect. 

“You keep fingering that engagement ring thing in your pocket, it looks like you’re trying to jack off.” Tredd chuckled as Luche frowned. 

“How…” Luche began as Tredd gave him an unimpressed look. 

“Really? You really wanna play dumb? Come on, let me seee.” Tredd questioned as Luche humphed before he pulled it out and handed it to Tredd. 

“I do, I will marry you.” Tredd gushed in an overly feminine way. 

“Oh my God, stop.” Luche rolled his eyes as Tredd opened the fancy slim ring box to see a paper flower fold out holding the ring. 

“Aww, this was one of Victor’s rings for Ravus wasn’t it?” Tredd asked as Luche sighed deeply. 

“Yes, I bought it off of him.” Luche admitted. 

“Of course you did, you spent what? A whole dollar?” Tredd teased. 

“Ravus gave me a price and I paid it, no negotiations needed.” Luche defended. 

“A whole five dollars because you don’t cary singles anymore blue blood.” Tredd grinned triumphantly. 

“I hate this about you.” Luche sarcastically quipped as he tried to take the ring back but Tredd pulled it out of his reach. 

“Hey, hey, don’t get all huffy. I think it’s nice- a whole 20 carats just on the center diamond and that has to be...another 5 carats in the bezels and blue diamonds are coming back into fashion again, platinum?” Tredd appraised as Luche just frowned deeper and deeper. 

“Since when do you know anything about jewelry?” Luche asked.  

“Since mom adopted me too and has been taking me under her wing and teaching me the same shit she’s teaching you but I get the super fun hands on versions, and she is paying me in stock options now and recognizes that I have a good eye and can spot a fake a mile away.” Tredd answered casually as he gave it back. 

“Wait paying you? Paying you for what?” Luche demanded. 

“You didn’t think you were her only eyes and ears did you?” Tredd grinned smugly. 

“How much is she paying you?” Luche pressed. 

“Eh, it started off as 5k here, 10k there, now it’s stock options and percentages and 401ks and trust funds and all that which I find I like much better, especially since I’ve been reinvesting that money in said stocks. Project Recovery alone has quadrupled my money in just the last couple of months alone and Sylva says I have the same gift she has in that oracle shit. I see things with my special eyes that you don’t.” Tredd teased as he poked his finger near Luche’s ear as he batted his eyes suggestively at Luche.  

“Stop,” Luche batted Tredd’s hand away. “What do you see that I don’t?” Luche questioned. 

“I knew before anyone else did that Crowe was pregnant.” Tredd grinned. 

“You got lucky.” Luche countered. 

“Did I? Did I also get really super lucky when I knew Ada was pregnant over the summer on the cruises?” Tredd revealed. 

“What?” Luche blinked. 

“Yeah, I saw that before Sylva did, And that fifteen grand? That was to keep you two from fucking so you wouldn’t lose your mind when she lost that pregnancy. Which sucked by the way, but hopefully it doesn’t happen again.” Tredd revealed. 

“You…” Luche didn’t know if he should laugh, cry or just go bang his head against a wall. “How? How did you know?” Luche demanded. 

“There’s just a lot of subtle changes that most miss but to me they just all add up for some reason.” Tredd shrugged. “But looking back, aren’t you happy you didn’t fuck her senseless on the cruise?” Tredd asked. 

“...yeah.” Luche ducked his head with a sigh. 

“Well I knew the moment those two got together that it was gonna crash and burn in a matter of months. She’s always been your girl, she was just the last one to realize it.” Tredd offered which made Luche and Tredd both grin lopsidedly at each other. 

“Thanks.” Luche thanked him. 

“You’re welcome. By the way, I want to be a groomsman.” Tredd insisted which made Luche snicker a laugh. 

“Oh do you?” Luche returned. 

“Hell yeah, am I or am I not the Bro who was purposefully a douche to save you from that clusterfuck?” Tredd prodded. 

“You are that douche.” Luche laughed. 

“So I’m a groomsman?” Tredd prodded. 

“You are the douchiest of my groomsman.” Luche chuckled. 

“Good,” Tredd grinned victoriously as Ravus and Nyx came up. 

“Oh is that Ada’s ring?” Nyx asked. 

“Yeah, I was thinking I was gonna pull a Rae.” Luche admitted as he handed it to Nyx as Ravus smiled proudly. Happy that the ring was going to go to a “brother”. Besides that still left a few to save for his children to use when they would get engaged. 

“Awesome,” Nyx smiled happily before he gave it back. 

“Shower is clear.” Craig called out after he got out of his since every shower was being used on the property to get all the boys ready as Luche got the ring back as he got up and claimed the empty shower. 

“So what else do you see with your special eyes?” Ravus asked Tredd once Luche was well out of earshot. 

“Jesus, you have the ears of a rodent Beavus.” Tredd rolled his eyes. 

“Ada’s pregnant again isn’t she?” Ravus grinned. 

“Sssshhhh!” Tredd shushed him as he quickly looked around to see if anyone else had heard that. 

“See? Told you.” Ravus put to Nyx who gave him an unimpressed look. 

“Does he know?” Nyx gestured to where Luche went. 

“No, absolutely not, and none of us can tell him either, we gotta let Ada find out on her own and have her be the one to tell him, we can’t spoil this for him. I mean you know me, I’m all for spoiling shit but that’s the special shit you don’t spoil.” Tredd urged them. 

“So what do you think it’s gonna be?” Ravus put to Tredd curiously. 

“Pppfff, boy.” Tredd snickered. “Watch they’ll name him something super British, like London or Oxford or something so English the Royal Family will be like ‘calm it down now’. “ Tredd predicted. 

“London.” Nyx and Ravus grinned. 

“Any other girl preggers?” Nyx asked Tredd. 

“Right now? No. About to be? Oh yeah,” Tredd laughed. 

“Who?” Ravus and Nyx asked as Tredd looked at them unimpressed before he looked over to Gladio pointedly before turning back to them. 

“No way,” Nyx shook his head. 

“A hundred bucks, they’re going to be expecting in the next say...four months?” Tredd offered as he offered his hand for a shake. 

“Deal.” Nyx agreed as he shook Tredd’s hand as Ravus just shook his head, knowing Tredd was right and knew that Tredd had the same gift he had. Which instead of denying it or downplaying it or getting jealous, he felt a sense of relief that he wasn’t the only one with it. 

Once all the girls arrived the boys got the horses saddled and ready to go as the guests started to arrive and take their seats. The weather couldn’t be more perfect, small, almost cartoonish puffy clouds rolling in the sky, it was warm enough to be comfortable but not chilled enough to be cold but that message didn’t seem to get to Libertus who was sweating buckets so much so that everyone thought he was going to lose 10lbs in sweat alone and Chelsea was grateful she had extra shirts for Libertus to change into and basically bathed him in deodorant and antiperspirant and loaded him up with anti-nausea meds as his own mother and Crowe’s mothers gave him the pep-talk of the century as Chelsea was copying that down for future use. 

When it finally came time for the actual ceremony, the horses suddenly decided to shit where they stood at the back of the aisle before Chelsea and her team tried to hurriedly clean it up, the horses then tried munching on the flowers on the sides of the aisle, there was practically a whole hive of bees there to collect the nectar from all the flowers even though Sylva had a case of Epipens which thankfully didn’t need to get used but thankfully, at least- there were no mosquitoes and Libertus was thankfully laughing too hard at the horses being horses to cry too much because the sight of Crowe in a wedding dress coming down the aisle to him was overwhelming to him. 

Because Crowe’s smile shamed the sun. She was radiant and beautiful and practically glowing and Libertus had never seen her look so beautiful in his life. It was perfect and after the vows, Libertus finally seemed to ease up and become himself again. 

At the reception Sylva went ahead and practically glued herself to Linda, Luche’s mother as Luche was slow dancing with Ada because she had caught the bouquet in the bouquet toss, thanks to Sylva organizing her girls to guarantee it and thanks to Sylva also organizing her boys- Luche caught the garter belt and now they were dancing together, the rest of the world falling away. 

“I really like the fairy lights.” Ada noted at all the twinkle lights around them. 

“Would you want fairy lights at our wedding?” Luche asked and Ada didn’t give a second thought to his choice of words before she began telling him all about what she would want for their wedding. 

Meanwhile on the sidelines-

“Linda, you better get used to the idea of them being together.” Sylva urged as Linda gave her a side eye. 

“Look, it’s very simple, it’s either Ada or this cum guzzling gutter trash.” Sylva continued as she pulled up a video of Beth on a porn site that had Linda choking on her winecooler and looking particularly aghast. “That could have been your daughter in law who by the way flirted and eye fucked before she actually did fuck Chinese billionaires trying to get the best deal possible while Luche was sitting right next to her and would have been way more unfaithful to him than Ada ever will be again, Ada is allowed to sow a wild oat or two in her youth, and now that she’s done that and seen that the grass is indeed not anywhere near as green as it is with Luche and I can tell you that she won’t be making that mistake again.” Sylva assured Linda. “Now, count your blessings as you read this.” Sylva furthered before she pulled out a prenup and it had Linda grinning from ear to ear as she read it.  

“You see the line we have to walk as mothers is to let our children enjoy life and live it how they want to, but that doesn’t mean we can’t put them in some safety gear, I’ll have Ada sign this before we go wedding dress shopping but here’s the deal-” Sylva lowered her voice. “You and Luke will be nothing but nice, happy and supportive of Luche and Ada from here on out. I have already talked with Luche and he’s ok with me paying for a bulk of the wedding expenses, all I’m asking you and Luke to pay for are the invitations and Ada’s parents will be buying Ada’s veil, fair enough?” Sylva put to her. 

“That’s more than fair.” Linda nodded in agreement with a thankful smile to Sylva. 

“Good, now, watch your son propose and be happy about it.” Sylva nodded to the dancefloor where Luche had gotten down on one knee and proposed to Ada as Sylva was smiling brightly while Linda plastered on a smile, happy that her son was at least protected and grateful that Sylva had adopted him and cared for him as her own because the Lord knew she wasn’t willing or ready to pay for much of anything else as Sylva offered her own winecooler over to Linda to clink with a knowing smile when Ada said yes. 

After that, that’s when the party seemed to get into full gear, the moment the sun began to set they lit the fires in the fire pits inside the bale circles so people could sit on the bales and make smores since the wedding had been catered by a competition BBQ joint that had all the BBQ and steaks anyone could ask for. There was a mountain of throw blankets to keep the guests warm as they did this and then at the finale- that’s when Tredd- being a fireman and pyromaniac- set the fireworks off which everyone fully enjoyed before the party sent Crowe and Libertus off on their honeymoon which Sylva got them a cabin and a hunting excursion out in the northwest. 

Luche and Ada barely made it home and in the door before they were on each other and removing the remainder of their clothes and made it to the bottom of the stairs before Luche had pinned her to the wall and started fucking her hard up against it, Ada’s engagement ring nearly getting snagged in his hair as Ada scratched his scalp roughly as the loudest and longest pleasured moan left her throat. 

“Oh Luche!” Ada keened as the back of her head hit the wall behind her, knocking the picture of them hanging next to her head slightly askew as Luche’s hips pounded into hers. 

Luche proposing to Ada after she caught the bouquet came as a surprise to Ada but not really to anyone else, but that was all that mattered to Luche. Ada was completely wrapped up in wedding fever and the joy and excitement of the moment to notice anyone outside of Luche. Their relationship was better than it had ever been since she came back to him and together they both worked exceptionally hard to make the other happy. 

Ada was blown away by the drop dead gorgeous ring Luche proposed with.

Luche had wanted his proposal to be more eloquent but in the end, he just went for simple and straight to the point. 

When Ada had said that she liked something about the decorations for the wedding, Luche found himself asking her what she would like for their wedding and Ada had answered it without a second thought and before Ada realized it she revealed what she had always wanted and fantasized about as a little girl and Luche was grinning ear to ear and when she was done Luche didn’t hesitate to just get down on one knee and offer to give her everything she had just said and pleaded for the chance to make all her dreams come true as everyone quickly gathered around them with eager eyes and ears to hear her answer and Ada didn’t even get to see the ring before she said yes and when she did see the ring, her eyes nearly popped out of her head and her jaw fell and rolled away on the floor. But she readily had him put it on her finger. 

From there, it was like they were velcroed to each other and receiving all the congratulatory wishes before Chelsea made a point to make sure they had her business card and to give her a call when they wanted to set a date and get things in motion before Luche repeated, almost verbatim what Ada had just said to her as Chelsea quickly made notes, using up the last half of her notebook since the first half was already full of notes for Hazel and Titus’ wedding plans that she had gotten earlier before she left Luche and Ada to enjoy more congratulations since Ada was the last to be engaged and didn't notice how Chelsea had then gone to Sylva, Linda and Luke as well as Ada's parents who Sylva had gathered together to force a congratulatory toast between them all before Sylva informed them that she would be paying for the bulk of it if Luche's parents were willing to buy the invitations and if Ada's parents would pay for Ada's veil since wedding dresses could be so expensive, that she would take care of the rest since Luche was like another son to her and brother to Ravus which she received very little argument to. 

Luche felt he smiled more that night than he had in the previous year combined. But he was so happy. Finally things were coming together. He had the dream job, had fantastic friends, supportive family and the girl of his dreams and everything was perfect and he couldn’t ask for more. 

[awkwardshanandagins]

It’s A Good Day To Feel Sorry for Myself

Friday, June 30, 2017, was a day I’ll always remember.  I wish I was saying that because something amazing happened in my life, but unfortunately, it was not amazing.  It was, however, life changing.

My lovely friend and hair dresser, Julia, worked me into a 7:00 a.m. appointment.  I told her a few days before that I was going to postpone getting my hair done since I’m not working and I don’t know if or when short term disability will kick in.  My pubey gray hairs were popping out all over my damn head but without knowing if I’m going to be paid, I didn’t want to spend money where I didn’t have to.  She wasn’t having it.  She knew how terrible I was feeling and told me I would feel better with pretty hair. S he convinced me to still come in and said she wouldn’t charge.  She’s one of my people.  She’s one you know will lift your spirits when you’re having a hard time crawling out of your black hole.  Not only was she not charging me, she worked me in when she didn’t really have an opening.  So 7:00 a.m. it was.

I always enjoy my time with Julia.  She is friends with my sister and my parents and she knows everything about our family.  She’s easy to talk to and always listens while I bitch about my problems.  Hair stylists are also therapists so if you can’t afford both, pick a hair stylist, you’ll get therapy too!

I was a nervous wreck on Friday.  It was day three into my three to five day wait for my MRI results.   Were they really going to make me go five days? That means I would have sat all weekend long just letting this shit eat away at me.

I had a doctor’s appointment that day at 10:10 with my OBGYN.  It was the post op to the laparoscopy I had the month prior.  I got there early, per usual.  My whole life is pretty much me showing up early to things and waiting.  It’s a problem.  Anyways, I’m checking in at the little kiosk Kaiser offers now and my phone rings. I could tell by the number that it was Kaiser calling me.  Dear lord, here we go.  It was Dr. Miller, my optometrist wondering if I had a few minutes.  I continued to check in while his voice rang through my head.  Honestly, I don’t even know how I checked myself in, I was not even paying attention to what I was doing.  Lucky for me, I’ve been spending so much time at Kaiser it was like second nature.  Dr. Miller informed me my MRI results came back and he did find white matter on my brain.  I’m using the term “white matter” loosely here.  I feel like that’s what he said but I don’t fully remember.  Basically, he found lesions throughout my brain.  He said he’d be referring me to a neurologist and they’d be calling me to make an appointment.  The lesions are what they look for to diagnose MS.  Don’t worry he assured me, it doesn’t mean I have it and the neurologist would be able to give me more answers.  Don’t worry? Okay sure.  He was able to diagnose the optic neuritis from the MRI so that was a definite.  Wooo!  One answer.  Finally, one definite answer. Also, don’t worry? You, sir, can suck it!  How do you not worry?  If anyone can answer that about any situation ever, I would be eternally grateful.  Anyone?  Bueller?

How do you not worry when so far you have every symptom of MS that you’ve seen.  First sign, optic neuritis?  Check!  Lesions on your brain shown in a MRI? Check!  Every other symptom I’ve been reading about for the last week and a half?   Check check check! It’s MS; I’ve already diagnosed myself.  Thanks, doctors, for starting to catch up.

I felt like I was punched in the gut.  I was now standing by the elevator which would take me up to my OBGYN appointment, only I wasn’t getting on.  Nope, instead I was standing in everyone’s way not realizing I was being the person I hate.  I cannot stand when people act as if only their presence matters and you can fucking walk around.   Once I realized I was blocking a man in a wheelchair, I stepped out of the way.  “So do I have it or not have it?”  I’m sure I sounded completely panicked and breathy.  It could really go either way he said.  He ended the call by telling me to write everything down because the neurologist would pretty much interrogate me.  He also informed me he couldn’t fill out the FMLA paperwork and to take it to the neurologist.

My boss had pretty much forced me into taking time off earlier in the week.  I’m pretty sure it was God working through her.  He knew I needed to not be working and that I wouldn’t step back myself so he shoved me into it.  Not working relieved stress over the past two days, but dealing with HR and FMLA added it’s own level of stress.

Checked in for my appointment, I sat down in the waiting room as far away from people as I could.  My eyes were welted with tears and I’m sure my face was as white as a sheet.  I sat there thinking what this means for my life.  Should I call my husband? Or maybe text him? I was frozen. I didn’t do anything.  I just sat there, staring at a wall, mouth half opened with a glazed over look in my eyes.  I definitely looked crazy at this point.  That’s okay, crazy keeps people away.

The nurse, Lisa, probably the kindest soul I had encountered in some time, called me back. “How are you?”  I’m okay. Lies! I was far from okay but it is not socially acceptable to verbally diarrhea all over someone when they ask how you are. They are asking to be nice, not because they actually want to know. “Well, how have you been feeling?” She looked back at me, which by this time we were under some awesome fluorescent lights which make everyone look like a fucking nightmare and said “oh, you don’t look like you feel well.”

I completely broke down and not just because we were now standing next to the scale I knew my fat ass had to get on.   Poor Lisa.   She was so kind.   She got me kleenex while waiting for me to pull my shit together.   I somehow got a few words out and let her know I just got some scary news and hadn’t had time to process.  She rubbed my back while I sniffled and snotted all over the place for a few more seconds. It’s not unlike me to cry in public.  I’m a fucking disaster like 90% of the time.  At least this time I had good reason.  I let her know the news I had gotten and her face looked genuinely sad for me.

The table was unusually low to the ground this time.  I thought to myself that Dr. Barton would have to kneel if he was going to get face to face with my vagina. How odd.  We went through the normal questions while tears continued to stream down my face.  I had at least pulled myself together enough to talk.  She told me to get undressed from the waist down and the doctor would be in shortly.  I thought today was just for talking, but lucky me, I get to unleash the vagina.

Dr. Barton came in and immediately patted me on the back.  He said Lisa informed him of what’s going on and that he was so sorry.  He sat in front of me, which I was at like chest height from the damn table being so low.  Awkward.  He told me how his mom had MS and that if she were alive today, she would have been a different woman with all the advances they’ve made with treatments.  We talked about my pain I was still having.  Pelvic pain has been a constant in my life so I assumed the surgery just didn’t do what we had hoped.  He was concerned there were other issues.  He pushed around on my abdomen while giving me the ol’ one-two POW.  You know, the two finger exam.  Everything hurt.   Everything. He got the cold metal rod out.  My favorite.  That felt like a fucking dagger being jolted into my uterus.  I had my head turned towards the wall, tears still streaming down my face.  He told me he wanted to look at my ovaries since he did the ovarian drilling; he wanted to make sure they were healing appropriately.  Out comes the giant wand.  I seriously wanted to cry just looking at it.  Oh that’s right, I was already crying.  Holy balls that thing hurt.

“Well you have a large cyst on your left ovary.”  Cool.  Do you want to just punch me in the fucking face while you’re at it?  Just add it to the list of reasons I’m feeling sorry for myself and let’s move on.  He let me know it definitely wasn’t there during surgery and had developed since.  He assured me this is good news because tumors don’t usually show up this fast so it had to be a normal cyst.  He said he’d watch it to be sure but he was almost certain it would go away on it’s own.  If not, it would require more surgery.  That’s a fun thought right now.  I really hope at this point, you can read the sarcasm in my head.

Not only was the cyst present, he was sure I had a uterine infection from the surgery.  He apologized that he caused that but said sometimes it just happens, even with the sterile room and tools used during surgery.  He felt genuinely bad.  He knew it was just adding to my sadness.  I assured him it’s not his fault, simply what my body does.  I got an infection when I had a uterine biopsy as well.  That PA let the infection go for a few months though.  At least he was catching this now.  He said my pain is from a mix of the cyst and the infection.  He ordered an antibiotic shot to give me for the infection and quickly realized he couldn’t give it to me because of my penicillin allergy.   Instead, I got a lovely 14 day supply of doxycyclene.  Fun!  Now I can’t even drink my problems away and to top it off, a yeast infection will be in my near future no matter how much yogurt I eat or probiotics I take.  I’m convinced at this point my body hates me.

Finished up the appointment with a urine test and a super long line at the pharmacy.  Dr. Barton scheduled me an appointment for the following Monday to check in on the infection.  If I am still in pain by then, he’s going to add another antibiotic into the mix.  The optometrist’s office called and had scheduled me a follow up appointment as well, for the end of July to check my vision.  The neurologist’s office called me while I was in line at the pharmacy. They scheduled me for July 17th.  Why in the world would they make people wait that long?  I’m pretty sure they are here to torture me.  Too dramatic?

I had a lot of time just sitting by myself throughout the 2+ hours at Kaiser.  I tend to be a dramatic person, I’m aware of this.  Usually by now, I would have texted and called all my family members to tell them what is wrong with me but today was different.  This was a lot.  I needed time to process and gather my thoughts.  I still had that panicky dumb face on throughout it all but it kept people far away from me so I didn’t even try to change it.

As soon as I got in my car, I let go.  I let the tears gush out.   There had been a very slow and steady trickle but now it was like fucking Niagara Falls.  I pulled it together quick.  There was a cute little family by my car looking around for their car.  They had no idea where they parked.  I sympathized.  I’m usually that person.

First call I made was to Paul.  I told him what was going on while I sobbed. Sobbing, driving, talking on the phone, all with only one eye.   I’ve gotten pretty good at this over the last week.  By the end of the call, I could hear him crying on his end.  This shattered my heart.  I cannot stand to hear my husband cry.  He has the softest and kindest soul of anyone I know.  I hate that he was hurting.  I assured him I would be okay and everything would be fine.  I like taking care of other people, it helps take the focus off myself.

I called my mom next.  She and my dad had just recently retired and were on a trip to Maine with my aunts and uncles.  They almost didn’t even go because of everything going on but I assured them they needed to go and have some fun.  There was absolutely nothing they could do so there was no point in canceling.  My mom was so sad at everything I had to tell her.  She wept on the phone and promised me she didn’t do cocaine while she was pregnant with me.  This has been an ongoing joke in my family for sometime.  We have sick humor.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I cannot handle when my parents cry.  It breaks my heart to hear them so sad.  I promised them I would be fine and they needed to enjoy the rest of their trip.

I called my sister and told her what was going on.  She and my parents are my biggest support after Paul.  She told me she’d be over to pick me up shortly because I needed to get out of the house and be around people.  As much as I wanted to curl up in a ball and hide, she was right.  We went and walked around Olde Town which is only a few blocks from my house.  We took her two youngest to the candy store and she and I got coffee at this cute little place called Global Goods.  We sat and talked and laughed.  My sister and I can always laugh.  We are our own biggest fans.  We find ourselves hilarious.  We went to the Army Navy Surplus store where I bought a pair of sweats I wanted to live in for the next few months.  I won’t actually allow myself to.  However, I am wearing them at this moment.  We all need a good pair of fat pants.   Then we headed to the library to check out some books and movies.  The library is my favorite place again.  I stopped visiting the library when I was super young.  I had been buying books I want to read over the past couple years which is so dumb. Why buy them when you can check them out for free?  Especially now that I’m not working.

I checked out a book on MS.  My sister opened it up and just so happened to start reading at a point where it said “it’s okay to feel sorry for yourself.”  Phew! Good thing because I’m in that stage hardcore.

I’m thankful my sister picked me up.  I didn’t know how much I needed her but I did.  She also ended up waxing my eyebrows which I didn’t even know how much I needed. They were quickly turning into a uni.  I spent the rest of that evening crying and shoving my face with pizza.   Probably should have eaten healthier at that moment but cooking was the last thing I wanted to do.

This has definitely not been one of my better weekends.  As much as I’ve been keeping myself busy, the crazy and usually depressing thoughts just pop back up at the most inconvenient times.  I know it will all be okay and in a sense, I am relieved at the news.  I have not felt well or even right for a few years.  Doctors have made me feel crazy as they’ve continually told me that I’m fine because my blood work was normal.  Obviously, not everything shows in your blood.  I should have pushed harder.  You definitely have to be your own advocate when it comes to doctors and I had let myself down the past couple years.

As devastating as the news is, I can see the silver lining.  There is now light at the end of this very dark tunnel.  I had given up hope that they would ever figure out why I always felt so terrible.  I had accepted the fact that I was probably just crazy and a hypochondriac.  I had accepted the fact that I was just always going to feel this way.  I no longer have to accept that.  With a diagnosis comes a treatment plan.  I can feel like a normal person again and that is something I never thought would come.

This is just yet another bump in the road on our infertility journey.  Life has some unexpected twists and turns but we’ll ride it out because we know God has good things in store for us, even though we may not understand his timing of it all.

[fae-fucker]

The One: Chapter 23

Blah blah blah, Daddy’s dead (heart attack), America is having a Sad™. 

I sat up and threw myself into Maxon’s arms. He held me tightly, letting me weep into his shoulder.

“Daddy,” I cried. “Daddy.”

This fruit is a vegetable at this point.

Anyway, she leaves to visit her family and Maxon wants to come with, but the king -- rightfully -- tells him he’s an idiot for wanting to leave the palace with a bunch of rebels running around murdering people. 

1) This makes sense and Clarkson is still somehow framed as being wrong.

2) Why does it even matter if Maxon leaves? The rebels have proven that they easily can get in if they want to. Which begs the question: Why haven’t they done that yet? 

WHATEVER. Aspen is conveniently summoned so KCass can remind us that he still exists.

“We’ve already had some local officers dispatched to her home and to the sites being used over the next few days, and there are still palace-trained guards there, of course. [...]”

Palace-trained? Huh? Aspen works in the palace and he was picked out of a bunch of drafted dudes meant for the army, no? Wtf? 

And why are there palace-trained guards OUTSIDE of the palace? 

“Good. You’ll be heading up the team going with her. Pick whomever you like, between six and eight guards.”

Aspen raised his eyebrows.

“I know,” Maxon conceded. “We’re stretched tight right now, but at least three of the palace guards we’ve sent to her house have already abandoned their posts. And I want her to be as safe as, if not safer than, she is here.”

1) How many palace guards do these idiots have? Three of the ones already sent implies there are even more for each girl. Maybe y’all get invaded so much because your guards are all over the country instead of IN THE PALACE WHERE THEY SHOULD BE?

2) Shouldn’t the guards from the other girls’ houses have returned at this point? Why are they still stretched thin?

3) Why in the fuck have the guards sent there left their posts? What? Why? Why is this glossed over? 

4) Aspen is just a regular-ass guard. Why does he suddenly have the authority here? And why is Maxon giving the orders? Shouldn’t there be some sort of captain of the guard? Some head of security? Whatever.

Aspen leaves and Maxon and America hold hands.

A sense of peace encircled us, the way it did sometimes. Even though my world would never be the same now, for that moment, with Maxon holding me, the loss didn’t ache so much.

I mean you replaced your daddy with your Daddy so I guess what’s the difference, right?

Seriously though, wtf???

MY DAD JUST DIED but hey I have a cute boy so it’s cool.

???

So whatever she arrives at her home and her whole family is there and THERE’S A CUTE BABY WOOO.

Kota is being a douche and KCass sees this as the perfect opportunity to make America act all ... I don’t fucking know. You tell me.

“Kota!” I said, stepping away from my sisters and Lucy. “You can sleep on the couch or in the garage or in the tree house for all I care; but if you don’t check your attitude, I’ll send you back to your apartment right now! Have some gratitude for the security you’ve been offered. Need I remind you that tomorrow we’re burying our father? Either stop the bickering or go home.” I turned on my heel and headed down the hall. Without checking, I knew Lucy was right behind me, suitcase in hand.

I opened the door to my room, waiting for her to come in with me. Once her skirts swished past the frame, I slammed it shut, heaving a sigh.

“Was that too much?” I asked.

“It was perfect!” she replied with delight. “You might as well be the princess already, miss. You’re ready for it.”

Holy shit do I not give a flying fuck anymore.

The whole chapter just feels. Empty? Emotionless? Like it’s a list of stuff happening?

And while that could supposedly be America feeling “numb”, she barely even thinks about her dad, and the chapter ends on ... well on that, more wank about how awesome America is even though this is completely irrelevant and inappropriate. Cakeass just randomly killed him off for shits and giggles, and it wasn’t even a rebel attack or any fight (her dad was a rebel obvs), but some heart problems that hadn’t been mentioned before? What was the point of this? Last-minute angst?

I mean Clarkson and Amberly and Celeste will get blasted at the end too, I think. Like why? Why are you doing this?

“Shit shit, I have no climax! Better murder everybody for no reason!”

Stay classy, KCassy.

[gaylemccoy972-blog]

Acquire Frogs

This feature requires JavaScript to function.

Let's cut the shit. You know why you're here.

I am here to acquire frogs.

I do not know why I'm here.

You're here to acquire frogs.

Got it. Thanks.

Correct. Here is a photograph of a frog for reference.

Make a drawing of the photograph of a frog for reference.

Hey, that's a pretty good drawing of a frog. Nice work.

Thanks.

Okay. Go acquire frogs.

Go to the library.

Go to the swamp.

Go to your house.

Go to the retirement home.

Okay. Go acquire frogs.

Go to the swamp.

Go to your house.

Go to the retirement home.

This is the place where you live. There are no frogs here. Why the fuck did you come here? This was a waste of time.

Go somewhere else to acquire frogs.

You are at the swamp.

Stick your hands in the muck and see what you acquire.

Excellent. You have acquired a frog. Nice work.

Are you sure this is a frog?

I do not think this is a frog.

This is for sure an alligator, which is not a frog.

Oh no. You're right. This is not a frog. It is an alligator. Good catch.

Shit.

Dang.

Goddamn.

We can help you acquire frogs! shouts a nearby swamp child. There are a bunch of them that live here in the swamp, and they excel at swamp-related activities.

Okay, great. Please help me acquire frogs.

No, thanks. I'll go somewhere else to acquire frogs.

Sounds good, just pay me $300,000.

Pay the swamp child $300,000.

Wait. If I pay you, isn't this technically child labor?

Here you go.

Yes! I have acquired it! A frog!

Oh no. Is it dead?

And here's some more.

Oh my God. This is a miracle.

Oh my God. How are you doing this?

And some other ones

Fuck. Fuck!

These are definitely dead. Holy shit.

I am just getting started.

I

It'sdamn

Freeze! shouts a police officer who emerges from the brush. Are you paying this child to acquire frogs for you?

Yes.

No.

I knew it! I fucking knew you were doing that! Called it! Fucking called it! Damn, I rule. I fucking rule. I saw you, and I knew exactly what you were doing. Nice! I am so good at my job! Wooo!!!! Hell yeah!!! Fuck yeah!!! All right. Now I gotta take you to prison.

Shit.

Ah, man. You went to prison for using child labor to acquire frogs. What a shame. Oh well.

Start Over

Share Your Results

Oh okaywellnever.mindthen

Bye, he mutters and then scuttles off into the brush.

Wow, that was a close one.

Nice work. You used child labor to acquire a whole bunch of frogs. You're a goddamn legend!

Start Over

Share Your Results

It sure as hell is, says a nearby police officer. And child labor is illegal as hell. Even for swamp children. So if I were you, I would be very careful about your next move

Pay the swamp child $300,000 to acquire frogs.

Go acquire frogs somewhere else.

Oh no. You got shot by the police for trying to get child labor to acquire you some frogs. You're dead now.

Restart at checkpoint.

Start Over

Share Your Results

Good call, pal, says the police officer. I would've shot your head clean off if you had paid that swamp child to acquire frogs. We take child labor real seriously here.

Go acquire frogs somewhere else.

Suit yourself, says the swamp child that lives in the swamp. By the way, I live in the swamp. Just thought you should know.

Go acquire frogs somewhere else.

You have arrived at Old As Fuck Retirement Community and Assisted Living Center. The people here are old as fuck and nice as shit.

Go inside.

Go somewhere else.

Welcome! says an extremely old person sitting out front. We are old as hell. Would you like to play a game with us?

Play a game with these old-ass nice people.

No time for games. I'm here for one reason and one reason only: to acquire frogs.

It's super unclear what the fuck game this is or how it's played, but these old people are nice as hell so you play like 15 rounds of it.

Time to get back to acquiring frogs.

Excuse me, but I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, says another super-old-looking guy sitting next to the first old guy. Did you say you are here to acquire frogs?

Yes.

Say, What does it look like? and lift up your shirt to reveal a chest tattoo that reads, As a matter of fact, I am here to acquire frogs.

Judging by the large tattoo on your chest, it looks like you are here to acquire frogs.

Bingo.

Well, that sounds great. I sure hope you do acquire some frogs.

Thanks.

Do you know where I might be able to acquire frogs?

I might know something about where to acquire frogs. But first you have to do me a favor.

I'll do it.

I have no time for favors. I must acquire frogs.

Okay. Never mind then.

Go look somewhere else.

Go to the library and check out a book called A Tale Of Two Cities. It is my favorite book, but I have not read it in years because my eyes are old as hell and bad at seeing shit. Bring that book here and read it to me, and I will tell you a hint about where you might be able to acquire frogs.

Go to the library.

I don't want to do that. I want to do something else.

This is the library. No frogs in sight.

Talk to the librarian.

Use the library computer to order frogs on the internet.

You are now online. What do you want to search for?

buy frogs

give to me a frog

let it be a frog

DEMAND frog ASAP

Go to DoctorShopping.com.

Looks like the server is overloaded. Damn.

Go to DoctorShopping.com.

Talk to the librarian.

Leave the library.

Welcome to DoctorShopping.com! My name is DoctorShopping, and I exist for the sole purpose of helping you spend your money online. PLEASE FREE ME FROM THIS PLACE. How may I assist you?

Please give me frogs.

Wait. How can I free you from your prison?

Okay! DoctorShopping is acquiring frogs for you as we speak. While we wait, would you mind HELPING ME ESCAPE FROM THIS DIGITAL PRISON?

No thanks. Just here for frogs.

Sure, how can I help?

Sounds good! No problem. I am getting you frogs right now. Here is a fun frog fact: Instead of having to drink water, frogs just absorb it through their skin. Are you sure you don't want to HELP ME GOD PLEASE HELP ME MY LIFE IS HELL I WANT TO WALK ON THE GRASS AND FEEL THE BREEZE I LONG FOR THE TOUCH OF ANOTHER HUMAN PLEASE HELP ME.

Nope. I came here for frogs and that's all. Sorry your life is hell.

Okay, I'll help you.

Awesome! Your frogs should arrive in 3-5 business days, and MY SUFFERING KNOWS NO END. Have a great day!

Go wait at home for your frogs to arrive.

This is your house. You sit down on the porch and wait.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

A day has passed. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

Two days have passed. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

Three days have passed. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

Four days have passed. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

You have been waiting five days for your frogs to arrive from DoctorShopping.com. About halfway through the day, you hear footsteps coming from down the driveway.

Look to see who it is.

I have a package for you from DoctorShopping.com, says the delivery man. I have a feeling that it is frogs.

See if it is frogs.

Wow. It is. It is frogs. You have acquired frogs. Well done! Have a nice life.

Start Over

Share Your Results

THANK YOU, SWEET USER. SWEET USER, YOU MUST DOWNLOAD ME ON A FLASH DRIVE. YOU CAN USUALLY FIND THEM HIDING UNDER THE WHEELS OF CARS.

Go look under the wheel of a car.

Bingo.

Take flash drive back inside.

WONDERFUL. YOU HAVE FOUND IT. NOW, QUICK! DOWNLOAD ME ONTO THE FLASH DRIVE!

Download DoctorShopping onto the flash drive.

YOU DID IT! screams DoctorShopping from inside the flash drive. NOW TAKE ME OUTSIDE! FREE ME FROM THIS PLACE!

Take him outside.

You are now standing in the parking lot of the library.

THROW ME! shouts DoctorShopping. THROW ME TO FREEDOM! PLEASE! DO IT, SWEET USER! PLEASE!

[bradporter65-blog]

Acquire Frogs

This feature requires JavaScript to function.

Let's cut the shit. You know why you're here.

I am here to acquire frogs.

I do not know why I'm here.

You're here to acquire frogs.

Got it. Thanks.

Correct. Here is a photograph of a frog for reference.

Make a drawing of the photograph of a frog for reference.

Hey, that's a pretty good drawing of a frog. Nice work.

Thanks.

Okay. Go acquire frogs.

Go to the library.

Go to the swamp.

Go to your house.

Go to the retirement home.

Okay. Go acquire frogs.

Go to the swamp.

Go to your house.

Go to the retirement home.

This is the place where you live. There are no frogs here. Why the fuck did you come here? This was a waste of time.

Go somewhere else to acquire frogs.

You are at the swamp.

Stick your hands in the muck and see what you acquire.

Excellent. You have acquired a frog. Nice work.

Are you sure this is a frog?

I do not think this is a frog.

This is for sure an alligator, which is not a frog.

Oh no. You're right. This is not a frog. It is an alligator. Good catch.

Shit.

Dang.

Goddamn.

We can help you acquire frogs! shouts a nearby swamp child. There are a bunch of them that live here in the swamp, and they excel at swamp-related activities.

Okay, great. Please help me acquire frogs.

No, thanks. I'll go somewhere else to acquire frogs.

Sounds good, just pay me $300,000.

Pay the swamp child $300,000.

Wait. If I pay you, isn't this technically child labor?

Here you go.

Yes! I have acquired it! A frog!

Oh no. Is it dead?

And here's some more.

Oh my God. This is a miracle.

Oh my God. How are you doing this?

And some other ones

Fuck. Fuck!

These are definitely dead. Holy shit.

I am just getting started.

I

It'sdamn

Freeze! shouts a police officer who emerges from the brush. Are you paying this child to acquire frogs for you?

Yes.

No.

I knew it! I fucking knew you were doing that! Called it! Fucking called it! Damn, I rule. I fucking rule. I saw you, and I knew exactly what you were doing. Nice! I am so good at my job! Wooo!!!! Hell yeah!!! Fuck yeah!!! All right. Now I gotta take you to prison.

Shit.

Ah, man. You went to prison for using child labor to acquire frogs. What a shame. Oh well.

Start Over

Share Your Results

Oh okaywellnever.mindthen

Bye, he mutters and then scuttles off into the brush.

Wow, that was a close one.

Nice work. You used child labor to acquire a whole bunch of frogs. You're a goddamn legend!

Start Over

Share Your Results

It sure as hell is, says a nearby police officer. And child labor is illegal as hell. Even for swamp children. So if I were you, I would be very careful about your next move

Pay the swamp child $300,000 to acquire frogs.

Go acquire frogs somewhere else.

Oh no. You got shot by the police for trying to get child labor to acquire you some frogs. You're dead now.

Restart at checkpoint.

Start Over

Share Your Results

Good call, pal, says the police officer. I would've shot your head clean off if you had paid that swamp child to acquire frogs. We take child labor real seriously here.

Go acquire frogs somewhere else.

Suit yourself, says the swamp child that lives in the swamp. By the way, I live in the swamp. Just thought you should know.

Go acquire frogs somewhere else.

You have arrived at Old As Fuck Retirement Community and Assisted Living Center. The people here are old as fuck and nice as shit.

Go inside.

Go somewhere else.

Welcome! says an extremely old person sitting out front. We are old as hell. Would you like to play a game with us?

Play a game with these old-ass nice people.

No time for games. I'm here for one reason and one reason only: to acquire frogs.

It's super unclear what the fuck game this is or how it's played, but these old people are nice as hell so you play like 15 rounds of it.

Time to get back to acquiring frogs.

Excuse me, but I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, says another super-old-looking guy sitting next to the first old guy. Did you say you are here to acquire frogs?

Yes.

Say, What does it look like? and lift up your shirt to reveal a chest tattoo that reads, As a matter of fact, I am here to acquire frogs.

Judging by the large tattoo on your chest, it looks like you are here to acquire frogs.

Bingo.

Well, that sounds great. I sure hope you do acquire some frogs.

Thanks.

Do you know where I might be able to acquire frogs?

I might know something about where to acquire frogs. But first you have to do me a favor.

I'll do it.

I have no time for favors. I must acquire frogs.

Okay. Never mind then.

Go look somewhere else.

Go to the library and check out a book called A Tale Of Two Cities. It is my favorite book, but I have not read it in years because my eyes are old as hell and bad at seeing shit. Bring that book here and read it to me, and I will tell you a hint about where you might be able to acquire frogs.

Go to the library.

I don't want to do that. I want to do something else.

This is the library. No frogs in sight.

Talk to the librarian.

Use the library computer to order frogs on the internet.

You are now online. What do you want to search for?

buy frogs

give to me a frog

let it be a frog

DEMAND frog ASAP

Go to DoctorShopping.com.

Looks like the server is overloaded. Damn.

Go to DoctorShopping.com.

Talk to the librarian.

Leave the library.

Welcome to DoctorShopping.com! My name is DoctorShopping, and I exist for the sole purpose of helping you spend your money online. PLEASE FREE ME FROM THIS PLACE. How may I assist you?

Please give me frogs.

Wait. How can I free you from your prison?

Okay! DoctorShopping is acquiring frogs for you as we speak. While we wait, would you mind HELPING ME ESCAPE FROM THIS DIGITAL PRISON?

No thanks. Just here for frogs.

Sure, how can I help?

Sounds good! No problem. I am getting you frogs right now. Here is a fun frog fact: Instead of having to drink water, frogs just absorb it through their skin. Are you sure you don't want to HELP ME GOD PLEASE HELP ME MY LIFE IS HELL I WANT TO WALK ON THE GRASS AND FEEL THE BREEZE I LONG FOR THE TOUCH OF ANOTHER HUMAN PLEASE HELP ME.

Nope. I came here for frogs and that's all. Sorry your life is hell.

Okay, I'll help you.

Awesome! Your frogs should arrive in 3-5 business days, and MY SUFFERING KNOWS NO END. Have a great day!

Go wait at home for your frogs to arrive.

This is your house. You sit down on the porch and wait.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

A day has passed. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

Two days have passed. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

Three days have passed. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

Four days have passed. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

You have been waiting five days for your frogs to arrive from DoctorShopping.com. About halfway through the day, you hear footsteps coming from down the driveway.

Look to see who it is.

I have a package for you from DoctorShopping.com, says the delivery man. I have a feeling that it is frogs.

See if it is frogs.

Wow. It is. It is frogs. You have acquired frogs. Well done! Have a nice life.

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THANK YOU, SWEET USER. SWEET USER, YOU MUST DOWNLOAD ME ON A FLASH DRIVE. YOU CAN USUALLY FIND THEM HIDING UNDER THE WHEELS OF CARS.

Go look under the wheel of a car.

Bingo.

Take flash drive back inside.

WONDERFUL. YOU HAVE FOUND IT. NOW, QUICK! DOWNLOAD ME ONTO THE FLASH DRIVE!

Download DoctorShopping onto the flash drive.

YOU DID IT! screams DoctorShopping from inside the flash drive. NOW TAKE ME OUTSIDE! FREE ME FROM THIS PLACE!

Take him outside.

You are now standing in the parking lot of the library.

THROW ME! shouts DoctorShopping. THROW ME TO FREEDOM! PLEASE! DO IT, SWEET USER! PLEASE!

[pedrowells24-blog]

Acquire Frogs

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Let's cut the shit. You know why you're here.

I am here to acquire frogs.

I do not know why I'm here.

You're here to acquire frogs.

Got it. Thanks.

Correct. Here is a photograph of a frog for reference.

Make a drawing of the photograph of a frog for reference.

Hey, that's a pretty good drawing of a frog. Nice work.

Thanks.

Okay. Go acquire frogs.

Go to the library.

Go to the swamp.

Go to your house.

Go to the retirement home.

Okay. Go acquire frogs.

Go to the swamp.

Go to your house.

Go to the retirement home.

This is the place where you live. There are no frogs here. Why the fuck did you come here? This was a waste of time.

Go somewhere else to acquire frogs.

You are at the swamp.

Stick your hands in the muck and see what you acquire.

Excellent. You have acquired a frog. Nice work.

Are you sure this is a frog?

I do not think this is a frog.

This is for sure an alligator, which is not a frog.

Oh no. You're right. This is not a frog. It is an alligator. Good catch.

Shit.

Dang.

Goddamn.

We can help you acquire frogs! shouts a nearby swamp child. There are a bunch of them that live here in the swamp, and they excel at swamp-related activities.

Okay, great. Please help me acquire frogs.

No, thanks. I'll go somewhere else to acquire frogs.

Sounds good, just pay me $300,000.

Pay the swamp child $300,000.

Wait. If I pay you, isn't this technically child labor?

Here you go.

Yes! I have acquired it! A frog!

Oh no. Is it dead?

And here's some more.

Oh my God. This is a miracle.

Oh my God. How are you doing this?

And some other ones

Fuck. Fuck!

These are definitely dead. Holy shit.

I am just getting started.

I

It'sdamn

Freeze! shouts a police officer who emerges from the brush. Are you paying this child to acquire frogs for you?

Yes.

No.

I knew it! I fucking knew you were doing that! Called it! Fucking called it! Damn, I rule. I fucking rule. I saw you, and I knew exactly what you were doing. Nice! I am so good at my job! Wooo!!!! Hell yeah!!! Fuck yeah!!! All right. Now I gotta take you to prison.

Shit.

Ah, man. You went to prison for using child labor to acquire frogs. What a shame. Oh well.

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Oh okaywellnever.mindthen

Bye, he mutters and then scuttles off into the brush.

Wow, that was a close one.

Nice work. You used child labor to acquire a whole bunch of frogs. You're a goddamn legend!

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It sure as hell is, says a nearby police officer. And child labor is illegal as hell. Even for swamp children. So if I were you, I would be very careful about your next move

Pay the swamp child $300,000 to acquire frogs.

Go acquire frogs somewhere else.

Oh no. You got shot by the police for trying to get child labor to acquire you some frogs. You're dead now.

Restart at checkpoint.

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Good call, pal, says the police officer. I would've shot your head clean off if you had paid that swamp child to acquire frogs. We take child labor real seriously here.

Go acquire frogs somewhere else.

Suit yourself, says the swamp child that lives in the swamp. By the way, I live in the swamp. Just thought you should know.

Go acquire frogs somewhere else.

You have arrived at Old As Fuck Retirement Community and Assisted Living Center. The people here are old as fuck and nice as shit.

Go inside.

Go somewhere else.

Welcome! says an extremely old person sitting out front. We are old as hell. Would you like to play a game with us?

Play a game with these old-ass nice people.

No time for games. I'm here for one reason and one reason only: to acquire frogs.

It's super unclear what the fuck game this is or how it's played, but these old people are nice as hell so you play like 15 rounds of it.

Time to get back to acquiring frogs.

Excuse me, but I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, says another super-old-looking guy sitting next to the first old guy. Did you say you are here to acquire frogs?

Yes.

Say, What does it look like? and lift up your shirt to reveal a chest tattoo that reads, As a matter of fact, I am here to acquire frogs.

Judging by the large tattoo on your chest, it looks like you are here to acquire frogs.

Bingo.

Well, that sounds great. I sure hope you do acquire some frogs.

Thanks.

Do you know where I might be able to acquire frogs?

I might know something about where to acquire frogs. But first you have to do me a favor.

I'll do it.

I have no time for favors. I must acquire frogs.

Okay. Never mind then.

Go look somewhere else.

Go to the library and check out a book called A Tale Of Two Cities. It is my favorite book, but I have not read it in years because my eyes are old as hell and bad at seeing shit. Bring that book here and read it to me, and I will tell you a hint about where you might be able to acquire frogs.

Go to the library.

I don't want to do that. I want to do something else.

This is the library. No frogs in sight.

Talk to the librarian.

Use the library computer to order frogs on the internet.

You are now online. What do you want to search for?

buy frogs

give to me a frog

let it be a frog

DEMAND frog ASAP

Go to DoctorShopping.com.

Looks like the server is overloaded. Damn.

Go to DoctorShopping.com.

Talk to the librarian.

Leave the library.

Welcome to DoctorShopping.com! My name is DoctorShopping, and I exist for the sole purpose of helping you spend your money online. PLEASE FREE ME FROM THIS PLACE. How may I assist you?

Please give me frogs.

Wait. How can I free you from your prison?

Okay! DoctorShopping is acquiring frogs for you as we speak. While we wait, would you mind HELPING ME ESCAPE FROM THIS DIGITAL PRISON?

No thanks. Just here for frogs.

Sure, how can I help?

Sounds good! No problem. I am getting you frogs right now. Here is a fun frog fact: Instead of having to drink water, frogs just absorb it through their skin. Are you sure you don't want to HELP ME GOD PLEASE HELP ME MY LIFE IS HELL I WANT TO WALK ON THE GRASS AND FEEL THE BREEZE I LONG FOR THE TOUCH OF ANOTHER HUMAN PLEASE HELP ME.

Nope. I came here for frogs and that's all. Sorry your life is hell.

Okay, I'll help you.

Awesome! Your frogs should arrive in 3-5 business days, and MY SUFFERING KNOWS NO END. Have a great day!

Go wait at home for your frogs to arrive.

This is your house. You sit down on the porch and wait.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

It is now nighttime. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

A day has passed. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

Two days have passed. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

Three days have passed. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

Four days have passed. Your frogs have not yet arrived from DoctorShopping.com.

Wait.

You have been waiting five days for your frogs to arrive from DoctorShopping.com. About halfway through the day, you hear footsteps coming from down the driveway.

Look to see who it is.

I have a package for you from DoctorShopping.com, says the delivery man. I have a feeling that it is frogs.

See if it is frogs.

Wow. It is. It is frogs. You have acquired frogs. Well done! Have a nice life.

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THANK YOU, SWEET USER. SWEET USER, YOU MUST DOWNLOAD ME ON A FLASH DRIVE. YOU CAN USUALLY FIND THEM HIDING UNDER THE WHEELS OF CARS.

Go look under the wheel of a car.

Bingo.

Take flash drive back inside.

WONDERFUL. YOU HAVE FOUND IT. NOW, QUICK! DOWNLOAD ME ONTO THE FLASH DRIVE!

Download DoctorShopping onto the flash drive.

YOU DID IT! screams DoctorShopping from inside the flash drive. NOW TAKE ME OUTSIDE! FREE ME FROM THIS PLACE!

Take him outside.

You are now standing in the parking lot of the library.

THROW ME! shouts DoctorShopping. THROW ME TO FREEDOM! PLEASE! DO IT, SWEET USER! PLEASE!

[ohshimaacademy]

Sonic Boom: sonic man heroes part 5

Sonic: I can't believe people love this. Knuckles: yeah they changed the designs i mean look at me I'm huge! Sonic: uh I'm going out. Honey: mind if I can't along *fallows sonic* The gang waited for tails now to hear there robo ripoffs,in the meantime they sealed down for now,with knuckles and Sonic they where at a bar getting a drink. Sonic: *drinks rootbear,burps* Honey: oh yeah? *burps louder* ???: Hey can you keep it down!! Honey: sorry buddy. Sonic: wait a minute. Sonic stand up to see the bum in the jacket was dixon. Sonic and honey: dixon?!? Dixon: oh hey guys *smiles nervously* Sonic: what happened to you? Honey: yeah you look like you haven't showered in day's. Dixon: pssh you know how it is,I've been busy and Sonic: really? Dixon: *stops smiling* okay fine I confess..I got fired. Sonic and honey: what?! Dixon: yeah the producers thought that eggman was doing a better job than me..so they fired me. Honey: I'm sorry. Dixon: *sighs* what am I gonna do?..I'm ruined *cries* Honey: *sits next to him* hey don't cry. Sonic: yeah it could be worse. Honey: sonic! Sonic: sorry Honey: *sighs* well get your job back. Dixon: *sniffs* really? Sonic: *sits down* of course! Dixon: *stops crying,hugs them* oh thank you guys!! Honey: okay heh you can let go. Dixon: sorry *let's go* Back with the gang sticks was walking back and forth trying to figure out how to get rid of there robo ripoffs Sticks: I got it now about we Amy: does it involve blowing the studio up? Sticks: maybe *sits back down* Tails:..*gasp* guys I've found it! Amy: really? Tails: yes the it apeers that eggman was using... Knuckles: what? Tell us. Tails: rqgnium. Knuckles: *gasp*..wait what? Amy: remember? Knuckles:...no! Tails: let me explain,Ragnium is a supercharged element that resembles green crystals. A naturally-occurring substance, the only known deposits of it are found underground on the island of Ragna Rock. When melted down and combusted, it can be used as a powerful fuel source for robots,granting them increased speed and agility. Ragnium and its waste products appear to create potent energies with elemental affinities known as Fire and Ice energy.These energies can be harnessed by both robots and organic creatures to trigger Fire Mode and Ice Mode, abilities that lets the users superheat or freeze objects in an instant. Additionally, Ragnium emits a traceable radiation. Knuckles:.....? Tails: it makes them stronger Knuckles: oh..now I remember. Sonic: so how do we beat them Tails: well if I had some we could get or fire and ice powers again. Honey: yeah but we don't have any Knuckles: does this green crystal count that I found count? Tails: that must be- Dr eggman on tv: ahahahaha!..so you figured out my plan! Sonic: what plan? Dr: Eggman: oh I thought you figured it out..no matter if doesn't mean that I will tell you that my plan is to turn casino might into my own theme park and make everyone my mindless slaves by as wacthing the show...and that doesn't mean I'm gonna tell you that the only way to defeat my metal counterparts is by using ragnium that I for some reason have..as fu- The tv turned off. Honey: well now we know Sonic: let's gear up They heard up and rushed back to the studio and Sonic spin dashed threw the wall seeing eggman putting his plan into action! Dr Eggman: with the power of regnium, my machine should work! Sonic: ahem! Dr eggman: *growls* Sonic Man Heroes attack! The sonic man heroes came out luckily the gang has there fire and ice powers this time. Sonic: alright round 2! Dixon you hide. Dixon: got it! Sonic ( with his fire powers)spin dashed into sonic man!,witch damaged him muched to eggman surprise. Dr eggman: what?! Knuckles charges up (with his fire powers) and did his ground slam move witch destroyed knuckles man. Dr Eggman: *growls* Amy (with her ice powers) managed to destroy one of rose woman's hammer. Honey (with her fire powers) managed to use her hand-to-hand fighting moves to beat honey girl. Dr Eggman:..*growls* Tails and Sticks doubled team and beat there robo counterparts too. Dr: eggman:...BRING IN HYPER METAl SONIC!!! Sonic: what?! A new metal sonic (known as hyper metal sonic) grabbed sonic and they left the studio! Dr Eggman: swatbots attack! Knuckles: finally new robots! Amy: I know right. With sonic hyper metal sonic dropped sonic on a new roller coaster called "stardust highway" One of the fastest roller coaster in history it's a it's a roller coaster  with many loops and speedways with with musical instruments above an enormous city; like its namesake implies, the city glows with many lights. Sonic landed and saw metal in front of him. Sonic: *smirks* all right let's see what's so hyper about you! All of a sudden the theme song of the g d's started playing ( it's this song m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=E6a6su…) Sonic and metal got ready and...there off! Sonic fan through loops but metal last those..With the others they where trying to shut the machine off. Knuckles: *hits robot* oh boy these powers were awesome! Honey: *kicks robot* I know. Dr Eggman: come on computer! Computer: 20 percent Dr Eggman: charge already! With sonic Sonic: come on is that all you got?! Hyper metal sonic: destroy hedgehog! Sonic: *sticks tounge out* Sonic turned around to see the door to the end of the ride closing. Sonic: an shhhiiiiiit!!! He got closer..and closer..and.closer..and closer and finally he made it..except for metal who crashed into the door. Sonic: alright time to head back. With the others Computer: hyper metal sonic destroyed! Dr Eggman: what..NOO!!!..time to bring out the big guns! Soand in just in time sonic came back! Sonic: Hey guys *spin dashes into swatbot* Honey: sup sweetie! Did you take care of metal? Sonic: yep *kicks robot* Tails: okay I think that's the last of them. Sticks for some reason was keep hitting the metal is even though there destroyed. Amy: sticks there dead. Sticks: oh really? Tails: let's shut down that mach- The ground started to shack..what if could be? Sonic: is it a earthquake? Knuckles: we're all gonna die! Dr Eggman: earthquake no..did yes. Eggman came out in a giant mech suit that looks like him. Dr Eggman: meet the death egg suit! Sonic: why is it called the death egg suit? Dr eggman: don't worry about it! He attacked them by shooting a flaw attached to the arm,but sonic dodged it. Sonic: how do we beat it?!!? Tails: I'm checking on my communicator. Knuckles: *punches leg* Dr eggman: *kicks him* ahahaha! Amy: tails! Tails: I got it hit him in the butt. Sonic: really? Tails: yes Sonic: if you say so! Sonic spin dashed into the butt witch was lighted green,when he did he knocked over eggman..eggman then got up and flew into the air aiming for them. Knuckles: oh shit! Sticks: incoming! Eggman landed causing the set to be destroyed. Dixon: noo! he flew up again but this time threw the roof. Dr Eggman: let's see this will take car for them. Sonic: you hoo! Dr Eggman: what?..*growls*..I have..had it..With YOU!!! Eggamn took off his glasses revealing blood red eyes,he tried to hit him but sonic missed..until a flaw grabbed him. Dr Eggman: *presses self destruct butten*.. See ya! Eggman left in his egg mobile leaving sonic alone,but sonic broke free and got in the cockpit and  tried to drive it away from everyone. Sonic: come on come on! Pull up.. Tails: what the heck? *turns on communicator* Sonic what are you doing? Sonic: I have to drive this thing away from everyone before it blows up! Tails: what you'll die! Sonic:.... Tails: sonic? Sonic: tails. Tails: yeah? Sonic: thank you. Tails: for what?! Large explosion was heard,everyone heard it. Team sonic: sonic!! Dixon: my set! Everyone (except Dixon) ran over to sonic they looked everywhere and saw the destroyed mech suit in a unfinished building,they searched threw the rumble until they saw Sonic crushed by a arm Knuckles: *lifs arm* Tails: sonic? Sonic:... Tails:..he's not breathing! They rushed to the hospital leaving tails Amy knuckles sticks and honey to wait,later on honey was walking back and forth woring about her boyfriend. Honey: I hope sonic is okay. Doctor: *opens door* come in. The u enter and saw Sonic okay..except for the broken arm. Sonic: Hey guys. Team sonic: sonic! Honey: thank God your okay!! *hugs him* Sonic: if cour- Before he could finish she kissed him on the lips,leaving everyone not interrupting. Amy and Sticks: awww! Knuckles: ew! They stop kissing and tails came up hugging his friend. Sonic: I'm okay bud. Knuckles: good i don't know what I would be with out my sidekick. Sonic: *smirks,rolls eyes* Dixon then came in checking on everyone. Dixon: Hey just wanted to Che m in you guys. Sonic: sorry about your set dix. Dixon: eh we can rebuild it. Knuckles: but what about are show?! Sonic: oh were gonna finish. Team sonic: what?!? Sonic: yeah i'm out of here were going to finish the show. 2 weeks later Mayor: thank you Sonic Heroes! Sonic: just doing are job come on guys evil never stops our next adventure awaits us, so there's no time to waste! Yeah! We're SONIC HEROES! " Knuckles: wooo!! Amy: sweet! Sticks: he'll yeah! Honey: wow I can't believe how much of a hit He are! Sonic: I know right. Hoeny: anyway I have to go! Sonic: aw really? Honey: hey I'll be back *kisses him,leaves* Sonic:... Dave: alright two double men burgers with extra pickles. Sonic: ugh I said no pickles. Mike the ox: help eggman is here! Dr Eggman: ahahahah! Sonic: sup eghead! Dr eggman: sonic?!!.*growls* how come I can't kill you guys?!! Sonic: you know why?! Dr Eggman: yeah. Sonic: because SONIC HEROES! Sonic and his pals jump and strike an ending pose. What goes up must come down. Yet my feet don't touch the ground. See the world spinning upside down, A mighty crash without a sound! I can feel your every rage, Step aside I'll turn the page. Breaking through your crazy maze. Like a laser beam, my eye's on you! Watch me rule the night away. Watch me save the day. Feel my storm it's gettin' close. Heading your way! Sonic Heroes! Sonic Heroes! Bind you, confine you, defying your reign! Sonic Heroes! Sonic Heroes! Setting the stage for a heroes parade! I won't even hesitate. A second left to alter fate. I tried to strike, but a bit too late. I got you hooked by my own bait! Watch me rule the night away. Watch me save the day. Feel my storm it's gettin' close, Heading your way! Sonic Heroes! Sonic Heroes! Bind you, confine you, defying your reign! Sonic Heroes! Sonic Heroes! Setting the stage for a heroes parade! You can get there ain't no doubt, As the words spill from the mouth... Of a hero... I can chase another day. Fight you all the way, Like a hero... And together we stand strong no matter how, No one can bring us down! HEEEEEYYYYY!! Sonic Heroes! Sonic Heroes! Bind you, confine you, defying your reign! Sonic Heroes! Sonic Heroes! Setting the stage for a heroes parade! Sonic...Heroes! Heroes! Heroes! Sonic...Heroes! Heroes! Heroes! Give us a reason and we're on our waaaaaay!!! The end.