#i have to to a physics department thing because i said i would LOL

[clonewarsahsoka]

Someone grant me the motivation to read the 2 weeks of lecture slides I've missed

[lxmelle]

I don’t think Gojo died dissatisfied, or with any regrets.

Just a personal opinion that I wrote on twitter/X but I also wanted to capture and put into words here.

I can see how and why it can be interpreted that he did die with at least 1-2 regrets. However... as I read and re-read and thought about it to the point of being overthunk (lol), I have come to conclude (for myself at the very least), that he died with peace in his heart.

First we see him grumble about being wrong about dying alone because he told Megumi this. Then, he said he had unfinished business with informing Megumi about his dad, to which being a largely accepting/stoic person (kinda like the “resignation man” thing again that Gege described him - not necessarily in a negative way) really helps, because he readily accepts that he left it to Shoko and would be taken care of on his behalf.

So with that regard, he was at peace.

Next, Gojo admitted that he couldn’t reach Sukuna, and for that, he was apologetic/sorry/regretful (Not so much disappointed, due to the usage of the phrase 申し訳なく which conveys more of a sense of humility and responsibility, rather than feelings of being let down).

This is an important one for me... because if we understand how human bodies work in real life, and also if we subscribe to some form of faith/spirituality (in this case maybe Buddhism), the physical body actually takes time to die and the soul therefore takes time to depart the body.

We see Gojo smirk at the end of Sukuna’s speech saying that Gojo had “cleared his skies” and would be remembered by him for as long as he lived.

This can be interpreted in two ways (or both) - one, that those words were conveyed and Gojo heard them, understanding that he did reach Sukuna in some way. And 2nd that he smirked knowingly that he could “bet on the future” / the next generation, with what Yuta would do with his body…

Which also aligns with his soft reaction to what Nanami said about betting on the future. Gojo did his best with his students too.

So much so that he jokes with Yaga that he was wrong about sorcerers all dying with regret!

So with the body taking time to die, I see it as something similar with what happened with Jogo and Choso - their last moments took some time to happen.

As Jogo was burning, he met with his friends and had his send-off / acknowledgment from Sukuna that he was strong, that it was fun, and that he could stand proud. Jogo died feeling he had worth and believed he would reunite with his friends.

As Choso was shielding Yuji (I’m still not recovered from this btw) he also had his send-off at the long table with Yuji. He died protecting his brother, which gave him absolute meaning and purpose as a human being and not a curse. Similar situation at the end can be said about Nanami (arguable whether the process of dying was beginning to happen with his hallucinations of being at the beach) with his brief send-off with Haibara standing before him. They were consolidating their lives at their final moments. Expressing any regret/sorry’s helped them pass on peacefully. I’ll spare you the picture of mortally wounded Nanami 😢

Another one I won’t put a pic of would be Hajime’s death where he and Sukuna have an exchange too. I don’t know if he died with regret or not, but he got his answer at the very least - what he was searching for.

As for Nobara, we see her with the chairs, her thoughts and reflections - saying her farewells / apologies, and finally concluding that her life wasn’t so bad 😢

Those with mortal wounds to the head seem to die a little more immediately, so their vision of salvation / death dream / whatever you want to call it - appears to happen a little bit earlier. But it doesn’t stray too far from the theory that a “good death” comes to some of the characters in the jjk world and it exists in a space... uhh... we can describe as “between dream and reality”??? 🫣 idk about what/who is right or wrong. We know different characters have different theories about things - just like in real life I guess. Nevertheless I (as a reader) want to believe there is some kind of afterlife.

Back on topic: Gojo’s other “disappointment” was that he wished that Geto was there to “pat him on the back”. He would have been satisfied if Geto was there.

And now, well, Geto was there. Flowery speech bubbles and all. So I think the fact that he was with him as a soul, reunited, was enough of a pleasant surprise.

Enough for Gojo to go into “husband is home from a hard day’s work - time to let go and grumble” (lol). And Geto wasn’t a flower because Gojo wanted him to understand him, so I can see how this was satisfying for Gojo, who felt he wanted to catch up to Geto.

Narratively/Thematically it also makes sense that Gojo was at Geto’s end (sending him off), and Geto was at Gojo’s end (picking him up). You know... “you’re late”x2 “you’re early”? “I was left behind”x2 “I have to catch up?” (These two were just busy chasing each other).

Yeah. It wouldn’t take away the satisfaction over all that happened just because Geto wasn’t there to pat him on the back - because then dying would leave him behind. And crucially, Gojo prayed that being there at the airport wasn’t a dream. So he was satisfied with being reunited and being there with everyone.

My conclusion is basically this: I think that Gojo fully died physically when he smirked. A human body left to bleed out with a wound like that would take time to stop functioning. But we know that mercifully he was mostly dead, which was why his consciousness was at the airport. Arguably, where his soul needed to be. He would’ve internalised Sukuna’s message as his body physically died, which could explain why it reacted.

So if we believe that it wasn’t just a hallucination and there is an afterlife (there are many reasons to believe there is, with talk of soul resonance, reincarnation, etc.), just as how Geto knew Gojo fought Sukuna, the souls in the afterlife have awareness of what goes on in the world of the living.

I’m pretty certain that one way or another, Gojo would have received the knowledge that Sukuna had praise for him, even if he couldn’t reach him with his humanity. So there were essentially no “regrets”.

Gojo was satisfied with having left the information for Megumi for Shoko to deliver, with how he died in battle to someone stronger, that he was able to satisfactorily go all out & felt he had fun, that Sukuna acknowledged him, that he could bet on the future, and that he was also reunited with Geto & his friends from his youth.

Yes, so… I believe that Gojo died satisfied.

🥲 RIP Gojo Satoru. I hope you and Geto have a good time in the afterlife.

[justmeinadaze]

Children of the Night Part 9 (Steddie X You)

Warnings: Daddy Vampire Eddie/Switch Vampire Stevie and Sub Human/Vamp Fem Reader, SMUT, dp, dirty talk, light spanking, light choking, blood drinking (obviously), slight roughness but more passionate, FLUFF, these three weirdos love each other so much <3.

ANGST, ANGST, ANGST!!

Domestic abuse and Child abuse triggers (we learn everything about the reader here including the abuse she's gone through including gaslighting and physical abuse) It's briefly touched on how the police didn't help her. Personally I felt like this added to her mistrust of authority like that mixed in with how law enforcement handled everything that happened with Eddie in Hawkins.

S4 things are touched on including Chrissy and what happened with Lucas, Erica, and Gareth. Brief conversations with readers mom, Wayne, and Mr. Harrington (the latter being an asshole of course). I think that's everything. The main thing I wanted to focus on was the abuse triggers. I know that can be triggering especially since some of the dialogue with the mother is lifted from things my own abusive parent said to me.

Love you guys! Enjoy this final piece.

Series here/ Buy Me a Coffee :)

Word Count: 7400

StokersGirl86: “Oh my god. I’m so excited. What do you think they are going to do?!”

Dannyalwayshere1: “I imagine it’s going to big after everything going on in the news right now.”

Minaismygirl: “Eddie better release Y/N so she can come find me. I can take care of her!”

StokersGirl86: “Oh please. You really think she’s innocent in all this?!”

StokersGirl86: “She was a fan just like us. No matter what her criminal mom preaches on tv.”

LivingDeadBoy24: “Like mother like daughter :P.”

Living DeadBoy24: “Maybe Eddie will sacrifice her the same way he did Chrissy Cunningham. I’ve been reading about what happened. It’s amazing.”

Justice4ChrissyCunningham: “You all should be ashamed of yourselves! An innocent girl was murdered and another may be kidnapped! They don’t need to be put up on a pedestal. They need to be behind bars!”

Dannyalwayshere1: “I see you think Steve Harrington is guilty to?”

CaliforniaPD: “This is the California police department and currently we seem to be having trouble disconnecting this stream. That being the case, we do highly recommend that everyone log off this site and do not engage.”

VampQueen91: “Yeah sure. Nice try whoever you are. I thought the police already had their location. Yet they can stream??”

Minaismygirl: “Because California PD sucks lol But who knows, maybe they just need them to stream to catch them…”

The video feed begins counting down and as soon as it ends three faces illuminate everyone’s screens. Both men were shirtless with hair frayed every which way as their black eyes starred into the camera with a small smirk painted on both their lips. 

“Hm. I see everyone’s here and already has opinions.”, you growl as you quickly take in everyone’s words that flew across the screen. “We wanted to come on today to set the record straight about a few things. First and foremost, Edward Munson and Steven Harrington are dead. YOU killed them when you placed blame for something they didn’t do.”

Justice4ChrissyCunningham: Edward Munson murdered Chrissy in his trailer in cold blood. 

“Oh, sweetheart. I can’t imagine how much you must be hurting, Andrew. You lost three friends in the span of a week to such odd circumstances. Of course, it would just be easier to blame Eddie. It’s the only thing that would make since right? Not that some other man come in and hurt her.”

Justice4ChrissyCunningham: I don’t know who you think I am but—

His picture suddenly flew up onto the screen for everyone to see. 

“Normally I’m not one to display people’s personal business this way but after everything I’ve read and the things they told me, you can go fuck yourself. I see here while Eddie was missing you and Jason Carver assaulted a young man named Gareth in his garage. Police report says you and your friends jumped them while playing hero; broke the young man’s nose.”

The long-haired vampire growled deep from his chest at the accusation. 

“It also looks like in March of 03, you tackled a middle schooler and threatened to break her arm if she didn’t tell you guys where Eddie was. That seems to be the same night Mr. Carver also beat up a young man while he was trying to protect his girlfriend. Hm. How odd that you were there for the last few deaths.”, you muse as you glance towards Steve who continues to glare forward.

“The night Steve went missing his blood was found mixed with two other jocks about your age. Friends, Andy? He tells me they were there to hurt him because he missed the man he loved. Kind of seems like violence is normal for athletes in Hawkins. Maybe that’s why Chrissy felt more comfortable with Eddie. I can’t imagine how angry that made Jason feel. Maybe angry enough…to kill?”

The count of people in the stream both drastically dropped including Andy and then suddenly increased with a new flux of people. 

California PD: “Miss Y/L/N if you are in danger we can help you. 

“I don’t need your help. I’m not a hostage with these men. If anything, I was a hostage growing up with the mother that you all so quickly rallied behind including you, Officer Williams. I spent my whole life dealing with people like you. Willing to believe any narrative that fit your agenda. I have been beaten and abused by almost everyone in my life but these men have done nothing but love and protect me! And you want to punish them for that?”

California PD: “Last chance Y/N. Tell us where you are and we can save you.”

“I told you… I’m safe right here…with Renfield and Dracula. My name… is Mina.”

With that both vampires bared their fangs and bit into either side of your neck.

##############

2 Weeks Before

Eddie didn’t say a word as he got up and angrily stomped back towards the bedroom. 

“Baby, please.”, you pleaded as you watched him pull out the suitcases from their closet and throw them on the bed. “We had to have this conversation at some point—”

“No, we don’t. The answer will always be the same. No. Fuck no. Hell no. Take your pick.”

“Why?”

“Because I fucking said so. Now, start packing your shit because we are leaving in 30.”

“No.” The vampire paused as he slowly turned to face you. “No, fuck no, hell no. Take your fucking pick.”

Stalking towards you, he stopped till his nose was hovering just above your own.

“Get you shit and get ready to leave.”, he rumbled.

“You sound like John right now. You don’t command me, Edward.”

“Yes, sweetheart, I do. That’s what you agreed to, remember? You and Steve are mine—”

“In bed.”, Steve interrupted, coming around the corner. “In bed we belong to you. She’s still her own woman and is allowed to make her peace. Let’s hear what she has to say.”

“Steven, you and I didn’t have a choice. She does—”

“So you’re going to make it for her?” The long-haired vampire’s jaw clenches as he places his hands on his hips. “You’re right, I didn’t have a choice which is why we never had to have the conversation she wants to have but I always thought about it. If I was still human, you would have remained the same and I would have grown old. We would have lost each other again…”

Eddie’s glassy eyes glance his way as he sighs and takes a seat on the bed.

“After the last time she left and we didn’t have her…I’d rather not experience that now or even 50 years from now.”

“I guess we know what your vote is.”, he sasses. 

“I think we can do this in a controlled way so what happened to us doesn’t happen to her especially since we would be doing it without her being hurt or wounded.”

“Fuck. O-Ok but I do it and we can change her after we get where we are going—”

“There’s no rush. I genuinely don’t believe they know where you are and are banking on us streaming again but we can find out. I can find out which guys are working the case and go through the digital file. I didn’t do it before because I didn’t want to put us at risk if I didn’t have to.”, you respond as you sit beside him. “I…I also think we should stream you changing me—”

“That’s a fuck no and I’m not budging on that. I don’t care what you both tell me.”

“I actually agree with him on that one, honey.”

“No, no. I mean we should do this together privately but make our fans and police believe you’re changing me. It will keep them invested to keep the revenue coming no matter where we go and show the police that we aren’t afraid of them. We now know that we can suck each other’s blood so…”

As Eddie sighs again, you wrap your arms around his shoulders and kiss his cheek. 

“I love you, Eddie. I trust you and I know I’m safe with you; both of you.”

Turning to face you, he kisses your forehead and holds you to him. 

“Do what you have to do, babe, and we’ll start getting things together.”

***

While the guys packed and ran out to grab some extra blood packs, you did some research into the people hunting for you three. You were right that they hadn’t found you yet but they were getting closer. One of the officers grabbed one of Dustin’s pings he created and traced it to the next town over. 

“Hey pretty girl.”, Steve cooed as he slumped down onto his knees beside you. “What did you find out?”

“We’re still ok. They haven’t found us yet and from what I see here they most likely need us to stream again. Now this is a new development.”

Moving the mouse, you click on the news website in the background and play the clip you stumbled on earlier that day. 

“So you say, Mrs. Y/L/N, you saw Y/N with Mr. Harrington and Mr. Munson?”

“Yes! Oh my goodness.”, your mother sobbed. “She came to visit me in the hospital because I was sick. She was always such a sweet girl. They threatened my life and then dragged her away. They are awful people.”

Feeling your anger, Eddie swished into the room as the other vampire petted your head. 

“If you could say anything to your daughter, what would it be?”

“You monsters let my baby go! I love you, Y/N! So…so much…I can’t…”

“That’s not all I found.”, you whisper, clicking another link and pressing play. 

“Mr. Munson! Mr. Munson! How do feel about the content your nephew is posting? Do you think he’ll kill Y/N like he did Chrissy?”

“Get off my property! My nephew…my nephew is dead. Haven’t you and this town sullied his memory enough!”

“Police seem to have strong evidence that this is Edward Munson.”

“Well, if he is alive…I hope he stays away. He can be happier with Steven away from these fuckers!” Eddie’s uncle pauses before entering the house the reporters were following him to. “I also want him to know that I love and miss him. I hope your happy, son.”

Steve grabs his partner’s hand as his stoic features faulter and tears begin to slowly fall that he quickly wipes away. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Harrington! Anything to say about your son?!”

“We’ve made a statement already! Go away!”

The vampire’s eyes narrow at the sound of his dad’s voice. 

“You really don’t think that’s your son in the videos?”

“I know for a fact that’s not my son. No son of mine would engage in that behavior nor be in a relationship with a freak like Edward *beep* Munson. Now leave us be so we can grieve our son in peace!”

“I’m sorry.”

“No reason to be, honey.”, he sighs shaking away the frustration. “We, um, got some more blood and we got you some more clothes. We found a house up north; I just need to—”

Eddie’s lips cut his boyfriend off as he cupped his face in his hands and pulled his body closer to his own. When he finally pulled away both boys were panting heavily. 

“I love you, Steve Harrington.”

The pretty vampire smiled softly as his fingers lightly moved some of the other man’s hair out of his face. 

“I love you to, Eddie Munson.” His mouth gently kissed him again as he began to sing making the metalhead breathily chuckle. “I’d give up forever to touch you. Cause I know that you feel me somehow.”

“You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be and I don’t want to go home right now.”, he sings back. “We don’t have a song for Y/N.”

“Oh, I don’t need one. It’s ok.”

“No, no, baby. Let’s see what we got.”, Steve smiles as he pushes the button on the stereo and starts searching through stations. He and Eddie cringe as a few come through that aren’t suitable in anyway making you laugh. 

“Hey, wait. Go back.” After the vampire does what he asks, you three listen as the long-haired boy grins and bobs his head.

“And I wonder When I sing along with you

If everything could ever be this real forever If anything could ever be this good again The only thing I'll ever ask of you You've got to promise not to stop when I say when She sang…”

Taking ahold of your hand, Eddie spins you as you both smile and he sings along.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard this one before.”, Steve muses as he watches you two dance. 

After letting you go, you grab a hold of his waist and he circles his arms around you as you sing.

“Breathe out So I can breathe you in Hold you in And now I know you've always been…”

Smiling, his lips kiss your forehead as you press your head into his chest. 

“I love you both so much.”

“We love you to, sweetheart.”, Eddie replies as he comes behind you and holds you both tightly.

***

“What if I kill you.”

“You won’t, baby. I trust you.”, you try to comfort as you cup his cheek. 

Nodding, he tilted towards you, placing soft tender kisses on your lips and along your cheek to your neck. When you feel him hesitate, you run your fingers through his hair and whisper adoration for him as you wait. 

When his fangs bit into you, you were surprised how fast you blood left your body. Steve’s worried eyes watched as the color left your face and the sight killed him. Your eyes rolled shut and a tear left his eye as the memory of finding Eddie in the upside down flashed through his mind. 

The vampire wanted to calm him but he couldn’t. 

He had to focus on you. 

After releasing his hold on you, he hurriedly wiped your blood from his chin and bit into his wrist offering it to you.

“Come on, baby girl. Come on. We need you to drink.” Just as Steve’s had, your eyes snapped open as the sweet taste hit your lips and you began to drink from him. “Fuck…good girl, princess. Mmph…There you go.”

Abruptly, you detached from his arm and passed out against the pillow as Eddie began to dizzily fall back. 

“Whoa, honey. I got you. Are you ok?”

“B-Blood, Steve. I need… please.”

He didn’t waste any time, running to the kitchen and back as he tore the bag open for his partner to take. 

“What happens now?”

“Now, we wait.”

Neither man left your side as they kept a diligent eye on you. Eddie held your hand while Steve kept his palm on your chest to make sure you were still breathing.

“It’s weird…I can’t feel her anymore.”

“When she wakes up you will and it will be more in tune. When you woke up that feeling was incredibly strong.”

Hearing the sadness in his voice, Steve reaches over runs his fingers along his face. 

“What are you thinking about, baby?”

“Everything.” Eddie glances his way and his boyfriend’s loving gaze fills him with warmth. “I never thought about the future. I guess because I was stuck like this…it didn’t even occur to me that you two would age and I wouldn’t. When would you have asked me?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t even know how to bring it up. All I really wanted was for us to have what we always talked about. A happy, simple life away from all the bullshit in Hawkins.” Steve grins when his partner chuckles. “A nice two-bedroom home where we could settle down and have a family. Three boys and three girls you and I would spoil rotten. I would work some office job with so-so benefits and brag about my rockstar husband who was on tour but coming home soon.”

Eddie couldn’t hold it in anymore as the last couple days events hit him and he began to cry. 

“I know, honey. I know”, he cooed as he held his free hand. 

#############

The sound of something crashing to the ground startles both vampires as they sit up and jump out of bed realizing you were no longer between them. They could feel you though; fuck could they feel you.

“Jesus, Eddie…”, Steve groaned as his head lulled to the side.

“I-I know. Stay focused. We need t-to get our girl back first.”

“I don’t know if I can.”, the vampire whined as his palm began absently grazing the bulge in his pants. 

“You will because I told you to, little boy. Do you understand?”, Eddie hissed. 

“Y-Yes, Daddy.”

Slowly moving down the hall, they searched every nook and cranny before something loud in the kitchen caught their attention. They found you on the floor balancing on your heels in your bra and shorts they had laid you down in. The sound of your growling filled the room as you continued to bang on the refrigerator door with your palm. 

“Y/N.”

Jumping at the sound of Eddie’s voice, you fell on to your butt and pressed your back to the cabinets as your black eyes glared his way. 

“Sweetheart, everything’s ok. You’re alright.”

It took you moment but something in your face softened and your crawled towards him, pushing him back slightly before banging your hand on the door again. 

“Daddy. Hungry.”

“You’re hungry, baby?” Reaching in, he takes out a bag and tears it open, handing it to you. Your wide eyes watch him as if he’s figured out a riddle you had spent thousands of years trying to solve and when he offers you what you want, you take it from him without question and chug it back. “Good. Good girl.”

After three blood packs and a peaceful smile on your face, even Eddie could still feel a hunger within you.

“What do you need, pretty girl? Tell me.”

Steve couldn’t control it any longer as his eyes darkened and his own hunger took over. Grabbing his partner’s shirt, he pushed him to the side as he began to crawl towards you. In your state, you perceived the action as hostile and practically roared as you tackled his chest, pinning him to the floor.

“NO! Bad boy…hurt…Daddy!”

His wrists tried to push against your hands but you were much stronger than before. Eddie couldn’t help but be utterly fascinated as he watched you both interact. 

“Say…SORRY!” When he hesitates, your nose presses to his as you growl in a low voice that makes them both hard. “Now.”

“Sorry…Daddy…Sorry, honey.”

At the term, your eyes blink in surprise as you sit up slightly to gaze along his features. Steve’s own black irises search your face for recognition, finding it in your sudden shift of demeanor.

“Steve…”, you coo as lean down and run your nose up his bare, hairy chest to his neck. “Boy…hungry?” He nods emphatically, literally ripping your shorts from your body after pulling down his pants enough to free his cock. “Ask.”

A small whine leaves him as he turns to face Eddie whose eyes were now also black as he stroked his own length while watching you. 

“Daddy…hungry. Please?”

He growled in response, hastily coming up to take his place behind you and runs his tongue up your spine to your shoulder. You mewl as you lower yourself down onto the man beneath you, gripping his neck to pull him up so you could press his head into your chest. Clinging to your hips, the metalhead guided himself into your ass and your head fell back onto his shoulder as they both roughly thrust into you.

When their fangs pierced your skin, you clenched around them causing them both to grunt and hold you tighter. 

“Steve…Eddie…fuck.”

As your fingers tangled into his hair, you bit down on the pretty boy’s shoulder and his moan reverberated through the house as his body shook while releasing his seed inside you. The metalhead circled around to rub fast circles into your clit and you came off Steve with a heavy pant as he fell back onto the floor.

Taking ahold of his arm pressed to your chest, you brought it to your mouth as you bit into the skin. Eddie’s head flew back as your pussy quivered around him and you came hard. Yanking your hair, he shoved your face next to his boyfriend’s as he chased his high and with a few more aggressive thrusts warmed your insides. 

Heavy breathing filled the room as both boys passed out beside you. 

#################

5-year-old you pulls her knees to her chin as you hid under the kitchen table listening to your parents fight. 

“Fuck you! You want to leave me than fucking leave and take that little brat with you.”

“I can’t! Jesus, you never listen! Marnie, doesn’t want kids right now.”

“Oh, oh. The slut doesn’t want kids so I guess whatever she says goes. I didn’t want kids either yet here we are!”, your mother slurs. 

You listen to the sound of his footsteps as he stomps out the door leaving you behind. Glass shatters as the beer bottle she threw hits the wall before she falls to her knees and sobs. 

12-year-old you cries as the police officer lifts you into his arms and tries to carry you out of the foster home you were physically fighting to stay in. 

“Y/N, come on! You need to go be with your mom.”

“NO! I want to stay here! Please don’t make me go back!” You kick the officer, hitting his stomach causing him to drop you to the floor. As fast as you could you get up and run to the woman you had been calling mom for over 6 months. “Please! I’m sorry. I’ll be good. I promise!”

“Sweetheart, listen to me.”, she empathetically murmurs as she sinks to her knees. “It’s time for you to be with your mom. Who knows maybe things will be different this time.”

“It-It won’t. It never is.”

You and your boyfriend panted as you tried to catch your breath hiding under the pier. 

“Woo, that was close!”, he laughs as 15-year-old you grins up at him. “But hey, now we can eat.”

Tossing the wallet to the side, he takes out the money and reaches for your hand as he guides up the bank towards the stores above. After purchasing a burger and some fries, you both share it as he lights a cigarette and stares off into the distance.

“I love you.”

“I love you to, babe.”, you smile as you bite into a fry. 

When his fingers reach out to touch your face, you can’t help but flinch when his thumb grazes the cut on your lip from when he thought you were giving him attitude. 

“I really do. Things are going to get better, Y/N. I promise.”

She couldn’t even make it three months. The police had brought you back home and as soon as they left your mother went off about you running away and how that made her look. By the third month, you tried to leave again and she stopped you. 

“What happened to your arm, Y/N? You said you fell?”, the doctor asked as he began wrapping the cast around the limb. 

You didn’t move or say a word as you stared off into the void. What was the point? The cops knew how she was yet they kept bringing you back. Even if you told this doctor the truth it wouldn’t matter.

“Sweetheart, I can help you. I just need you to tell me what happened.” The man sighs when you remain silent before whispering under his breath. “You don’t have to say anything just nod your head, ok? Did you fall?”

Your eyes meet his for a brief moment before autopilot takes over and you shake your head. 

“Did your mother do this? Did she grab you?”

You nod.

“Ok.”

You stare at the screen in front of you as two men known as Renfield and Dracula make love to each other before biting his neck. A heavy sigh left you at the action and the human boy’s moan hit straight to your heart down to your core. 

You had been watching them for over a month now and you couldn’t explain it but something about them just pulled you in. Hearing their voices and watching how they took care of each other made you feel safe. It’s part of the reason you kept coming back even though you knew if John ever found out you were seeing this he’d probably kill you. 

That following day you were surprised when a message from the site appeared when you signed in from the creators themselves inviting you to a private session. 

When their faces illuminated your screen, a little sigh left your chest. They were both so handsome up close. Because of the technology, you weren’t able to really see their features before but now you could see them in all their glory. Dracula’s eyes fluttered slightly behind his mane of hair. 

“Hey Mina.”

Renfield glances his way in surprise as his partner spoke. Usually, he was the one that did the bulk of the talking so when he initiated, he was taken a back. 

InnocentLittleMina: Hello.

“Hey, honey. We, um, we just wanted to reach out to you because we see you pop up from time to time. You don’t talk or engage very much.”

InnocentLittleMina: Yeah. A lot of the people here are kind of rude.

“Ha. Yeah they are. We were wondering and we understand if you say no but would you want to work for us? Dracula says a moderator could really help us get some control over these people. You don’t have to tell us your name or anything. We can send money straight to your account.”

InnocentLittleMina: You’d pay me?

“Yeah, honey. Of course.”

“However much you want.”, Dracula adds again making his partner’s head quirk to the side. “You just…seem like a kind person with a good heart.”

InnocentLittleMina: You don’t know me.

“We’d like to.”

His words flow through you almost as if you can feel how genuine they are. What’s the worst that could happen?

InnocentLittleMina: “Ok. I’d love to help.”

***

Both men groan as their eyes open and take in the scene before them. After what they saw, they couldn’t care less. They just needed to find you. 

Rising to their feet, they power walk down the hall to find you closing a suitcase and quietly taking a seat on the bed. Your eyes lock with theirs as you softly smile and shrug. 

“See? I told you I had experienced real monsters.”

“Sweetheart.”, Eddie breathed as he sat beside you and pulled you to his chest. “I’m so fucking sorry you went through all that. We would never ever fucking hurt you like them.”

“Or let anyone hurt you like that.”, Steve added as he knelt in front of you. “How are you feeling?”

“Calm. Clear. It’s weird. I’ve never felt like this before. I feel like I’m…home.”

“Because you are, baby.”, the pretty boy cooed as he kissed your palms. 

“While you two were asleep, I packed up some clothes for us. I’m not sure what else we need.”

“Let me see if that relator guy called.”

After he disappeared, the metalhead cupped your face in his hands as his eyes ran along your face. You still looked like the girl they fell in love with but you seemed to have this air of confidence surrounding you that made him fall even harder. 

“I wish I could have seen your life the way I saw his and you two saw mine. I think it’s because him and I are new…”

“Oh, baby girl, trust me. You don’t want to see that. Not all in succession like that. Everything kind of sucked till I met Steve. Before him it was a blur of heartache and anger.” When he sighed, your palm circled around the back of his neck and brought his forehead down to yours eliciting a small, nervous chuckle to fall from his lips. “Fuck…are you doing that?”

“Doing what?”, you murmur. 

“Y/N, I’m a jaded asshole.”, he laughed. “It takes me a while to trust anyone and feel safe but the feeling running through me right now… God it’s so quiet. I can breathe.”

“Because that’s how I feel with you two, Daddy. You’re feeling me.”

“Fuck, Y/N.”, he groaned, his lips falling to the side of your neck. 

“Wait…Wait, Eddie. I need to show you both something first.”

####################

Present Day

“Ok, Williams, we’re right outside the door. Going in, in two.”

The officer paces around his desk as he glares at the screen watching both men continue to feed while blood drips down your neck. 

“Good. They’re still streaming in front of their computer. Be careful! They shouldn’t be armed but I’m not sure if they’ll react hostilely.”

“Entering in, 3, 2, 1. GO, BOYS!”

As soon as the door kicked in, a little box appears at the corner of your current feed showing the raiding team running through the house. Everything was still in its place including the blood staining the floor by the fridge. 

“We have all eyes on us, guys. Go slow.”

When they find the bedroom, they scream into the void for you three to get down… 

Only to find now one there.

The swat leader walked towards the computer, tearing off the note that was taped to the screen.

“I shall be glad as long as I live that even in that moment of final dissolution, there was in the face a look of peace, such as I never could have imagined might have rested there.

Our souls are knit into one, for all life and all time.

-Mina”

“FUCK!”, Officer Williams shouted as he kicked the chair in front of him. 

CaliforniaPD: You can keep running all you want but you are just making it harder on yourselves! We found you once and we can find you again!”

You whine as your head falls against Steve’s chest and your black eyes flash towards the screen with a small smile. 

“Good luck with that. I’m sorry to say, for you, we’re a lot stronger now than we’ve ever been.”, Eddie rumbled sarcastically towards the camera. 

As you pull away to lean against the metalhead’s shoulder, the other vampire growls low with needs as his head follows yours for a moment before hesitating to focus on the camera. 

“We don’t want any trouble. We just want to be left alone to be happy together but we will gladly do this dance again to keep ourselves protected and keep her safe!”

Your palm ran down his back, calming him as he tilted his head to place open mouth kisses on your shoulder as his own hand absently traveled under your shirt to run along the skin of your stomach. Eddie growled at the action as both vampires glared at each other. Grabbing his throat, the long-haired boy pulled his boyfriend’s lips to his own passionately.

“I think you all have had enough of a show…and I’m…hungry.” At the last word, your tone drops and after you wink towards the camera, you move the mouse, and shut it down.

***

“Did you guys see that? Over one million people were watching us!”, you giggle excitedly.

“Mhmm.”

Both vampires were still distracted as they detached from each other to kiss your neck again. Grinning as you bit your lip, wind messed their hair as you flash ran towards the other side of your new shared bedroom. 

“Oh, come on, boys. Now focus.”

Trying to run after you, you hastily sprinted away, your beautiful laugh filling the new house you three were going to be living in. Eddie was the one to catch you first, practically tackling you to the ground in the living room and pinning your wrists beside your head. 

“Hi, Daddy.”

As you beam up at him, he can’t help but smile down at you before bringing his lips to yours. Your hands flex in his grip but he remains steadfast as he kisses softly down your body and over your blood-stained shirt. 

 Steve crawls towards you both on his hands and knees, falling onto his tummy with his hand grabbing your cheek to turn your head so he could kiss you. Letting you go, your hands remain where they are as Eddie pulls down your panties and tosses them to the side. 

His strong palms dig into your thighs as he lifts your legs over his shoulders and you moan against the other man’s lips as Eddie presses his face into your cunt wasting no time as his mouth devours you. 

Your legs close around him and he mewls into you as your back arches off the floor. 

“Fuck, Daddy! Your mouth feels so good.”

Maneuvering behind him, Steve spreads his partners legs a bit wider and his groans vibrate through your core as the pretty boy runs his tongue between Eddie’s cheeks. You grin blissfully as you watch the sight before you and you run your fingers through the metalhead’s hair. 

“That’s it, honey. Fuck. Make our girl cum. Jesus, Y/N, I can feel how good he’s making you feel. Daddy’s so fucking amazing with that mouth isn’t he? It’s why he never shuts up.”

Eddie’s growls turn into moans when his boyfriend effortlessly slides two fingers inside him while pushing his head harder against your pussy.

“Oh, god!”

Your eyes roll back as you grind your hips against the vampire’s tongue till you tumble over the edge and cum. Releasing him from your grip around his shoulders, you pant as you try to catch your breath, shuddering at the feel of Eddie’s heavy exhales fanning your dripping core. 

You’re not sure if it was the dominance within him or just how sexy both men looked right now but something inside you bubbled forward and you rushed towards them, tackling Steve to the floor. 

“Hungry!”

Abruptly an arm wrapped around your stomach and pushed you back against the hardwood. 

“No.”, the long-haired vampire hissed as his hand clung to your throat. “You ask, little girl. The rules haven’t changed. Not yet anyway.”

“Want…boy!”

“Beg me, Y/N.”, he cooed in a sultry voice that had both you and the other man whining. “Beg Daddy, baby girl.”

“Please, Daddy. Want…” You pause as you blink, trying to clear the fog and intense need from your brain so you could focus. “I want Steve. Please, may I…have him.”

As the black irises disappear and your natural eye color returns so does his as he smiles before giving you a tender kiss. After moving out of the way, he ushers Steve between your legs and helps lift your shirt over your head. 

“I’m sorry if I hurt you. I didn’t mean to grab you like that. I just couldn’t—”

“Control yourself. I know, honey. I understand. You’re doing a lot better than I did though.” He taps his cock against your sensitive clit a couple of times making you jump and you both let out a strangled moan as he slides himself inside of you. “Shit. Always so fucking good.”

Falling on to your chest, he rolls his waist as you cling to his shoulders, leaving little pecks along his skin. When you bite into his flesh, he grunts loudly and snaps his hips hard, punching his length deep inside your heat. 

As he picks up his pace, you release him and he pushes up onto his knees, looping his arms under the back of your own so he can hold your legs open. Feeling someone near him, he opens his eyes to be met with his boyfriend’s cock in his face. Steve opened his mouth willingly and Eddie’s mouth fell open as he bobbed his head, taking him as far back as he could. 

“That’s it, sweetheart. Such a good boy. Jesus, I love watching you two together.”

Threading his fingers through his hair, the metalhead groaned as he fucked his partner’s face making you whine and clench around his own cock every time you heard him gag.

“Mmm—there you go, Steve. Make our pretty girl cum.”

Shoving Eddie’s stomach, Steve growled with need as he pushed him out of his way and wrapped his arms around your back, lifting you up till you were face to face with him. Hugging him to your chest, you used his neck as leverage as you bounced and grinded against him.

When his fangs pierced your skin, your eyes squeezed shut as you did the same, taking him in as his hands grabbed the meat of your ass, guiding your movements till you trembled and came. Steve grunted at the feeling, pushing you back down onto the floor and pounding his cock into you so deeply you swear you could feel him in your stomach, through your heart, and into your soul. 

“Fuck!”, he growled in his deep vampire tone as his movements stalled and you whined as he pumped his spend aggressively into your cunt.

You couldn’t help but breathily giggle as Steve continued to run his lips and tongue along your body. Pushing his chest, you disappeared from underneath him but Eddie anticipated your move, running ahead of you and slamming his palm against the wall as his arm shot out to stop you. Before you could run the other way, he blocked you and pinned your front side to the hallway.

His hand playfully spanked your behind and you both mewled as he guided his cock into your entrance. 

“Oh, fuck, Daddy.”

Intertwining his fingers with yours, Eddie held your hands above your head and thrust his hips roughly against yours, his humid pants in your ear turning you on even more. 

“Shit…baby. Your little pussy is…so fucking perfect. J-Just like you.”

Hastily, he pulls out, turns you around to face him, and lifts you into his strong arms as you reach down to slide his length back inside you. You cling to him as he fucks his cock deep into your core leaving you both grunting into the other face. Not being able to wait, you bite into his neck and he growls loudly before doing the same. 

After dropping one of your legs, Eddie balances his forearm on the wall next to your head as aggressively takes what’s his. Your body shakes as the coil breaks in your tummy causing the metalhead himself to fall over the ledge as he thrust his release inside you. 

As you slump over in his embrace, you feel wind move your hair as Steve runs to the bathroom to turn on the shower and Eddie lifts you again so your legs are wrapped around him as he carries you that way. You can feel it in their energies, they are just as exhausted as you, leaning against you, each other, or the wall to keep from falling over. 

You barely even feel it when they dry you and carry you over to the bed. 

#############

“What’s wrong, honey?”

“I don’t know. I think…I think something’s wrong with Mina.” Eddie sighs when Steve turns away from him and focuses on the computer in front of him. “She feels…alone. I don’t like it, Steven. It reminds me of how I felt growing up with my dad.”

“There’s nothing we can do, Ed.”

“We can—”

“No. We’re not having this discussion again.”

“Why?! Why would it be so bad to bring her here? It feels like she’d be safer with us than wherever she is now!”

“Eddie, have you taken a look around? We’re on the run, you’re a vampire, we do this internet stuff for money. It’s not exactly lavish!”

Both men glare at each other as their computer pings informing them that you were online. 

“Hey, Mina. O-Oh my god. What happened?”, Steve gasps as he and his partner take in the slowly forming ring around your eye. 

“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m so clumsy and fell. Thankfully John was here to help me.”

“Yeah…thankfully…”, Eddie growled towards Steve as his heart broke for you. 

“I’m…I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

“Why?”, you giggle as you shrug. “You didn’t do this to me, Renfield. I did it to myself.”

***

Your glassy eyes take him in as your boyfriend huffs around the bedroom before kneeling in front of you to place an ice pack on your cheek. All you wanted him to do was leave so you could talk to Renfield and Dracula. 

You had no idea how you were going to explain this new wound to them. It was so weird having people in your life who genuinely cared about your wellbeing and you found yourself lying to them more than you ever did to keep any of your toxic partners or family calm. 

They were your friends…you didn’t want them to worry…

“This is your fault. Why do you push me like that, Y/N?”

“I just asked you when you were getting off work…”

You jump as he tosses the pack hard against the wall. 

“See? It’s that fucking attitude!”

“I’m sorry.”, you whisper, fully giving up and accepting blame so all this would end. 

Sighing, he runs his fingers along your arm as his own eyes scan you over. 

“Will you be alright?” 

He takes your nod as enough confirmation, rising to his feet and finally leaving your house. Gradually, you stand as well and head to the bathroom to wash your face.

Sitting in front of your computer, you stare at the screen as you debate on rescheduling with them but you are so desperate for a kind voice to say something…anything…to comfort you from the current hell you’re in. 

***

Your eyes slowly opened just as the sun was beginning to descend behind your black out curtains, smiling softly when they land on Steve’s gentle yet sad expression. 

“It’s ok.”, you murmur as you reach out to caress his cheek. 

Catching your hand mid-air, he brings it to his lips as he scoots closer to your frame. 

“It’s not. You could have been with us this whole time.”

“Steve, you didn’t know—”

“But I should have. Eddie saved me from my father and took me in when everything was falling apart in my house. He always told me he understood and I was always grateful for that. I should have known the first time he felt something.”

“But you’re here now.”, Eddie replied groggy from sleep as you rolled onto your back so you could see them both. “Y/N, if ever you don’t want to play rough or anything like that, you know we’d still love you. I don’t want to trigger you or—”

“No, baby, no. You’re not.”, you assure him. “With my mom and my exes… I never had any kind of control over what was happening. With you two, even last night, I know you’d stop if I asked. I can feel it.”

Eddie sighs pleasantly when you place your palm on his chest. 

“Speaking of last night, you were really sexy, Miss Computer Hacker, hiding those skills under that beautiful head of hair.” You laugh as he leans in to tenderly kiss your neck.

“You’re both safe with me to. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”

Steve tilts down to slowly kiss your skin as well making you groan as you turn into Eddie’s chest making him chuckle as he presses you to him. The other vampire’s hairy chest grazes your back and you grin as you listen to them kiss above you. 

“What do you want to tonight, honey?”, Steve whispered as his fingers ran up your arms. 

“We seem to be drifting into unknown places and unknown ways.”, you recited making the metalhead laugh again. 

“So did you just memorize the book or?”

“It’s one of my favorites.”, you beam up at him as you kiss his lips and crane your neck to do the same with the other man. “We can rewrite the ending though.”

###################

@chelebelletx @mandyjo8719 @nailbatanddungeon @corkadymu 

@lemme-slytherin-that-dick @she-collects-smut @dashingdeb16

@bexreadstoomuch

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Can we get some more dark Raiden 👉👈

(ignore this if it makes u uncomfy at all)

Like what is like with a darling who needs a wheelchair regularly, maybe the darling has a genetic malfunction with their legs idk

(based off of my legs but it's up to u)

A/N: Hii thank you so much for requesting! I absolutely do not mind writing this. We need that representation in the writing department. 😫🫶I’ve had this in my drafts for a while because I’m very cautious to hopefully not offend or make anyone uncomfortable with this. Please *respectfully* correct me if I got something wrong or may have accidentally used offensive language. I mean no harm to anyone and I want to be able to respectfully give representation for everyone!

That being said this focuses specifically on being disabled and the changes it makes in the relationship.

Warnings: Toxic and abusive behaviors, stalking, slight patronizing/ infantilization, over protectiveness, ect.

Masterlist

Requests: open 24/7

I don’t really think that the relationship would change too much other than that I think sometimes Raiden would unintentionally be a bit patronizing. (But then again when is !dark¡ Raiden not???)

Raiden loves you a lot and he knows that you’re just as capable as the others despite your disability. Your resilience and intellect alone was enough to win his evil little heart buuuttt…that doesn’t change the fact that he’s still a bit flawed in his ways

We all know this dark side of him is extremely authoritarian so he can’t help but be a little too overbearing when it comes to you.

I want to start off with some of the good things first though.

!dark¡ Raiden is sweet in the ways that matter I think. If you’re having a flare up or in pain. He doesn’t mind dropping everything to come to your aide. Even if the medication isn’t working. He’d hold and massage you until you’re feeling better.

The other nice thing about Raiden is his thick skin. You don’t phase him even on your worst days, not even when you’re a bit snippy do to your pain and frustration. He won’t take it personally. Staying up with you all night also isn’t a hassle for him in the slightest. He actually appreciates that his darling yearns for him when they aren’t feeling too well.

If physical therapy is something that you partake in, he’s eager to learn and help you the best ways he can.

Secretly searching for ways to alleviate some aches you may face with your disability, even if that means going against the elders and seeking help from darker powers.

He’s also unapologetically obsessed with you, he feels no shame when you’re beside him. He wouldn’t wish for you to be any different from how you are now.

Raiden would be just as jealous and possessive over you as he would be with an abled body S/O.

Speaking of this, he has no issues with disposing of anyone who has anything disparaging to say about you.

Oh and he especially hates when someone touches you or your wheelchair. He knows how uncomfortable it makes you when people try to wheel you or lean/sit on it without your permission. This easily sets him off.

It doesn’t matter who it is that touches it, how dare they disrespect you like that? Have they have no manners?

“I fear that I did not hear y/n speak up and give you any kind of consent to touch their chair. Release your hands from it or I will do it for you..”

He’s 100% willing to be your advocate anytime you may need. I mean honestly you don’t even have to ask, he’s tussling the second he sniffs an ounce of disrespect towards you. Lol

Okay here is some of the more unfavorable headcanons. This touches on a bit of patronizing behavior and infantilization. I feel like Raiden would struggle with doing this a bit in the relationship.

Raiden doesn’t like when you go off or do things without telling him first. Yes, you are capable of protecting and providing for yourself. Even though he’s seen this capability first hand, he just can’t help thinking about if something were to go wrong. What if that day you’re too fatigued and you end up hurting yourself?…or worse…what if someone severely injures you? what then??

This is why he prefers to keep you couped up in his temple, right by his side. He even had things around there altered to perfectly suit you.

No more stress about the outside world and how frustrating it can be for a wheelchair user. Plus Raiden made arrangements so you can have 24/7 access to outworlds best doctors and remedies to help with any issues you may run into.

How could you even think of leaving when you got everything you need right here?!

Best of all, he knows exactly where you are at all times in the temple and it keeps his mind at ease that you’re okay.

He has a bad habit of immediately rushing to assist you with very mundane tasks and sometimes wheeling you even when you don’t need it. (Ironic because he hates when other people do it to you but because you’re his darling he thinks it’s automatically okay for him to.😭)

This has to do him worrying about your safety and trying to make your life easier but it instead makes things worse.

Raiden can also quite bossy with what he allows you to do and what he doesn’t. Sometimes this means speaking to you very sternly and even down to you. This often ending up in a back and forth with each other.

To him he’s just doing what’s best to help keep you safe and according to him these rules will ensure that. Raiden couldn’t live with himself if you got hurt, especially when he could easily prevent those things. This is his way of loving you, he genuinely doesn’t mean any harm to his darling by doing this.

You protest this behavior and tell him how hurtful this can be for you but I fear it might take a little while for him to fully realize what it is that he’s doing wrong. Just like a lot people in everyday life, he’s convinced he knows what’s best for you.

“I’m afraid I do not understand, Y/N. How is keeping you safe, hurtful? I can assure you I am only simply doing the duties as your lover.”

he’ll slowly give in by letting you go out and do things “without” him. Just know that he is always lurking behind each and every corner making sure that you’re safe.

And if he can’t, he’ll send a servant to hang around you and report back to him.

Yeahhhhh. I know. He’s so damn-

Just bear with him, he doesn’t process others feelings the same way as you and I. Empathy isn’t his strong suit but he will try his best to correct any errors, simply because he does truly love you.

Notice I said ‘try’. He’ll try but there are just some things he just won’t budge on. !dark¡ Raiden can be stubborn and rather selfish at times if he seriously believes in what he is doing is right.

For example you are absolutely not allowed to be anywhere near the tournament or Kombat in general. He doesn’t care that you may fight well. It’s far too dangerous for you. He will immediately shut down any conversation that has to do with it.

But I will say that I don’t think that this really has to do with the fact you’re in a wheelchair. I think he’d be against any of his darlings doing anything that could potentially harm them. He’s already lost so much, he refuses to let you go too.

I can also see him occasionally brushing you off when you offer to do certain tasks. He’ll immediately order someone else to do it even if you are the better fit.

(There he goes babying you again)

“I appreciate your willingness to help but your efforts will not be needed. Stay here and rest, Y/N. Liu Kang will handle this task instead.”

I guess one other change is that maybe he’s a bit more physically gentle with you?

I could see him being a bit more restrained when it comes to punishment? I think they’d be more among the lines of mental harm or emotional deprivation. (Locking you up, social isolation, food deprivation, avoiding affection ect.)

He’s cautious of man handling and weary of using his electricity too close to you because he’s afraid that it might conduct through the metal on your chair. No matter how angry he is with you, you’re the one person who Raiden would never turn against like that.

I think the only times he’ll get physical is when you’re being extremely defiant towards him when he’s trying to “protect”you.. He wouldn’t hit you but he’d pull you, carry and throw you down roughly. Worse he’d do is bruise you from his grip on you.

Ultimately though I feel like Raiden is just a bit more ignorant with some things. He really hadn’t spent time around humans on a deep emotional level so I think he’ll do unacceptable stuff sometimes. I don’t feel like Raiden would mind that you’re in a wheelchair or try to ever put you down because of it. He’s just so stuck in his ways at times he comes across a bit…::

Like I said I think He would be just as overprotective with any-other darling, only some thing’s slightly change.

[bronx-bomber87]

First off thank you much for the lovely response to my last thoughts. I was very nervous about posting and got a lot of good replies, notes and reblogs. This fandom is the best. I think it's important to see both sides and I wanted Tim's to be represented in a way that gave insight without condoning what he'd done. (Cause our boy done messed up.) So giving a little of myself achieved that I believe.

I didn't know a ton about this ep cause I’m a square who stays away from spoilers haha So let’s get started.

6x08 Punch Card

Ugh my heart Tim got a reminder for Lucy’s Bday. Instant heart stomping already….I love that he had a reminder set up though. Making sure he would't forget. I’m crying already. Even though I'm so very sad. I love that he had this setup. When the elevator opens the amount of tension is palpable. Something felt very wrong. Good thing Tim was lost in his Lucy moment or he would've picked up on this sooner.

Poor Tim just wants to explain himself to Mad Dog. To explain what happened. The man is not in a place to receive it and we see later why. That look said it all though when Mad Dog departs. When Dr. London said she just took the wrong elevator my red flag gut was going off.

Now that I've see the episode as a whole I can see Dr. London's play here. She seems to use flirting as a defense mechanism all her own. To protect herself and manipulate those around her. I mean they brought her flirt fest with Aaron in the recap back for a reason I think. She's worried Tim read into something about her interaction with Mad Dog. I mean Tim is clearly upset about seeing him and she uses that to deflect attention off herself. My off meter definitely was kicking on with her. Especially with how flirty she was being I didn't like it.

Now some may see Tim's response as him flirting back but I think he's investigating her. Also he's being a little sassy because he's not comfortable with her doing therapy outside the office. I mean his face when he leaves that elevator is not of a man who just flirted. It's one who is one still hurting and two his cop gut is going off but he isn't sure why....He seems conflicted by what just went down in that elevator. Just like us he was feeling off about her.

This scene was very cute with Grey. I loved him anointing her to be a T.O. LOL Also once again showing the faith he has in Lucy. To train Celina and know she would do a good job. I was excited for this opportunity for her. For her to tap into leadership. Honestly it shouldn't have taken this long for Lucy to get to show her chops with this.

Tim is so busy trying to delete his Lucy reminder he runs into the physical version of it without realizing. Andddddd it’s still awkward af between them. How could It not be? No communication between them so naturally it is. Stilted awkwardness. Lucy got out of there so fast. Even with Tim making the all powerful joke. Trying to make it less awkward. Ow. Couldn't get away fast enough. The way he watches her go. *sigh* Like he's watching his entire heart depart the room.

This hurts you guys. No matter how much I know it’ll be ok at some point this hurts to watch. Grey not pulling any punches noting how very awkward that was. Tim telling him that's actually better than it's been....Makes me wonder how much time has passed between 6x07 and now. Wade not caring that's progress to Tim. He is not messing around....

Just wants Tim to fix is ASAP cause of the team dynamic. He's not wrong. Man isn't wrong. Rarely if ever is. Saying if Tim can't there’s gonna be a transfer and it won’t be Lucy….I mean I LOVE Grey siding with Lucy on this one. Not a doubt in his mind if it shakes out that way it'll be Tim. That being said just hearing that. Ugh. Deep anxiety pit of my stomach. And of course it would be friggin North Hollywood. That damn station been haunting them since S2. Looming over them ready to take one of them away.

Lucy being Celina’s T.O .for the day I love it. She is so excited to be her leader even if it's just for this shift. Just wants to 'Invest in her success.' You know Lucy's leadership is pretty damn identical to how I am with my team. While I am mostly Tim there are pieces of Lucy in me as well. I related to her style of leadership quite a bit.

Aaron and Tim in the surveillance van is hilarious. Their dynamic has always entertained me. I truly adore these two goobers together. Tim is trying so hard to keep his shit together. Aaron dying of ask him if he finds it hard to surveil his old team for an OP? Tim of course gives him the company line. Doing what he is told without complaint. Pulling out some S1 Tim with that reply my love.

Tim then telling him he needs a stronger deodorant LOL It's too funny. What a boring assignment for them both. Tim went from running that entire team. Doing ops and making decisions on the fly to this….Also Aaron being too distracted by his deodorant comment to pay attention is the most Aaron thing ever haha

What I love the most about Lucy with Celina is her correcting without crushing her confidence. Once again reminding me of myself when I'm correcting my work kids on stuff. She is kind but confident in her assessment of what she did wrong in this moment. Celina receiving it well because she handles it this way. Lucy out here crushing it already with zero T.O. training. Just going off instinct and what she would want if she was a newbie still. Once again her and I very alike.

Oh Tim getting that reminder again. *heart clutch.* Sigh my boy. Aaron offering to turn it off for him. I love that he was gonna have it remind him through out the day. Pre-breakup Tim clearly didn't want to forget. Wanted to make sure he not only knew it was but to make sure to make a big deal of it. That's just an assumption on my part but man would've wanted to do that. it's the way he has 'TOMORROW.' Wanting to make sure he didn't forget such an important day. *screams into a pillow.* Aaron asking if he’s gonna get her anything? I’m sure he had stuff in mind. But yeah bad form indeed…

Tim’s sweet smile when he finds out what Aaron got her. Knowing how perfect of a gift that would be for her. That sweet knowing smile makes me wanna weep a bit. He knows his girl so well. Lot of sadness attached to the smile though. 'Can I ask why ya’ll split up?' 'No.' LMAO Took it too far Aaron....You're lucky you got that much good sir.

This scene with Mad Dog hurt my heart for Tim. No matter how wrong he was for what he did I still hate seeing this. This was what I was worried about with him working with Metro. Picking at the wounds he hasn’t even begun to heal about how he left. I knew him making notes on the OP was going to come back and bite him in the ass. Watching all his repercussions is painful to see I have to say. Knowing what we know about Mad Dog later I think that's part of why he goes off on Tim. Doesn't make it any easier to watch though...

Friggin Love Lucy being a BAMF in this episode. Especially in this moment. When she once again corrects but doesn't crush Celina about her gun. It's the way she guides Celina and has control over every situation they encounter in this ep. Proving herself a worthy teacher and leader. Also she was a better teacher to Celina in one episode than Nolan has been her entire career. Dude is a stinker of a T.O. It shows in how Celina makes basic mistakes Lucy had down pat long before this time in her rookie year.

Too bad Lucy can't finish out her training and Nolan is booted. But that'll never happen nothing sticks to that man. Not since S3 premiere. The rules and repercussions are rubber and he's glue. What doesn't stick to him does to everyone else... Grey should really evaluate his teaching skills. But that'll never happen. But she deserves a better teacher than him.

From the minute Tim entered the room something seemed very wrong. From the way Mad Dog was just expecting Tim to flog him. Like he wanted Tim to ream him out for how the OP went down. Also how Mad Dog seemed nervous af to see Dr London. I mean look at that man above. He is scared shitless she is there to see him. The way he watches her though out the scene. Especially when she leaves.

Tim's cop gut is going off like crazy when she enters the room. Wondering how the hell she even know about this? He seems to take her answer at face value because honestly its pretty good considering it's a bold faced lie. Tim once again feeling like something is very off but isn't sure why.

First let me say once again I feel personally attacked by the choice in song once again. lol I couldn't find the song to save my life. The lyrics are *chef kiss.* They're painfully accurate for them both. Think they've been very intentional with their ending music and just in general this season. These lyrics filled me with some hope as well. Jotted down the lyrics since couldn't find the song.

‘When the sun won’t shine and the words don’t rhyme. And there’s mountains you can’t move. Somethings on your mind and it’s been some time-since you felt like you were you. When it all caves in feeling paper thin. And the pain might cut right through.

Oh child, Lift up your head. All this trouble's only gonna last for awhile.’ Yeah we’re gonna be all right oh child. Lift up your head. And the light's gonna find you. When you feel like you ain’t got a friend. And you’re wondering if you ever gonna smile again. Every little thing gonna be ok. I know that you gonna see better days.’ *heart clutch.*

Damn smart of Tim saying happy birthday from Kojo and not him. I’m not crying you are. This was so so sweet. Lucy's reaction to Kojo got me all in my feels. She's so excited to see him. Then that excitement melts into sadness. Because he's an extension of Tim. The way she pet's him and says how much she misses him ugh.

Seems there is a double meaning going on there. We all know despite the hurt how much she misses her person. Tim just standing there only imagining her reaction when Kojo makes his way back. What a way to bring that sweet boy back in. I'm so happy about it. Tim is respecting her space but couldn’t let her bday go without doing something. Had to let her know her was thinking of her still. The fact that it’s happening in the hallway where so many seminal moments have played out for them.... I wanna cry.

I LOVE that Tim got Kojo to put his little paw in ink for the card. It is so sweet. Their fur baby. He put serious thought and effort into this. This was so well done. Only Melissa and Eric could have chemistry without even seeing each other. This is the first time we've really seen Lucy cry about them. 6x06 she was in complete shock. 6x07 was her processing her thoughts/emotions. She was on the verge of tears but we didn't see her cry. This was first time we've seen her shed tears on screen at least since the break up. Wanna hug her so much. She deserved this card and more. Like a real conversation with him but this is a good start.

She knows this is Tim reaching out without physically doing so. Showing her he still cares. I mean he clearly very much does. You don't put thought and effort in like this if you don't. It's a huge thing for him to do right now. Lucy recognizes the effort in this adorable act. Tim's face after she reads the card. Ripping my damn heart out. The absolute regret splayed all over it. Like it’s finally hitting him what he’s done to her. What he’s lost in the process. He gave up his favorite person. His happy place and just it’s hitting him square in his chest.

Like a freight train that’s run him over. It's the way he shakes his head. Kicking himself. Knowing he hastily threw them away. What a mistake he’s made in his irrational decision making. It’s written all over his beautiful face. He may not fully understand yet why he did it but the regret is evident. Eric be killing me. His face screams all that. Knowing he should’ve been with Lucy for her birthday. Hell probably sharing that bath bomb she brought up with her. Killing me softly. Hurts so good. Damnit writers... This is being handled so well though. So hats off to them. They both needed this moment more than either of them knew.

Mad dog killing himself....jesus H Christ. Poor Tim the last thing he needs is this. It explains why he was extra nasty to Tim though. Tim saw the flaw in his play and freaked the hell out. Also for Tim to see someone he once trusted with his life compromise themselves. Compromise the safety of their own men. Gut punch. And for what? Money? Power? We won't know till more of this unravels. Whatever it is won't be for a good reason. I know Tim hates himself for his mistakes. But those mistakes always had some form of honor attached to them.

He may not see that but I do. Now the op where he got his men killed no but what he did after was honorable. What he did for Mitch came from a honorable place. I just wonder how seeing Mad Dog doing something so very un-honorable is gonna affect him moving forward...Oh my lord I’m so mad about Dr London not because I liked her. But because I didn’t want it to derail Tim’s therapy in any way. The man needs it. Here’s hoping he continues in s7 with someone better.

Everyone was right she’s a dirty birdy. I was just hoping she wouldn’t be. But my ick and uncomfortable factor went WAY up in this ep with her. I knew it was inevitable. It's not that I didn't want to be wrong about her. It's the fact I didn't want this to hurt Aaron and I definitely I didn’t want her to be dirty for Tim that was it. For his therapy and the progress he's made. I hope this doesn’t affect his therapy journey and he can find someone not compromised in S7.

That promo for next week oh my lord….the hug! The hug! "This doesn't change anything." Then pulls him right in like nothing's changed. I will be living there from now on. Or until next week lol Love the Finale being a 2 parter as well. Phew this is gonna be an intense ending to this season. Gonna be chomping at the bit for S7 once it's done I know it. Like the song stated we're gonna see better days. I truly believe that. We got this my lovely fandom. Thank you for always being so wonderfully receptive of these reviews. Appreciate any likes, comments or reblogs that come my way.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

Angela shooting Monica down with Wesley. She's an Epic Queen and I adore her.

Dr London is in alliance with Monica. That's super great….cool cool cool……I have a feeling and D and I discussed this earlier. Reminds us of Armstrong. This feels more like a she's been forced into it a situation. Because its obvious she's good at her job.

But the way she freaked out about the cops being hurt clearly shook her. She looked on the verge of tears in Mad Dog's room. So do I think she's a bad person? Unsure at the moment. Do I think she was once a good person who was manipulated into whatever this alliance is? I do. Be interesting to see how her SL unfolds.

[azsazz]

Hiii 👋 just wanted to say I adore your writing ☺️ I always get so happy when I see you’ve written something new 😁

I was curious to ask, what are some of your favourite modern AU jobs/roles for the bat boys (whether you’ve written about them or not)? Or just any ACOTAR characters?

CEO Rhys has been done a lot, but for good reason, it’s so perfect. He almost has to be effortlessly rich and/or in some position of power, like a prince, or a mafia boss.💰 I also kinda like to imagine him as a nepo baby set to take over his father’s company, but he breaks away or gets cut off, so with his very little actual job experience (as he was all set to inherit), he gets a barista job at a lil coffee shop. ☕️

Cass would definitely suit something physical, like an ice hockey player, or a firefighter, or a personal trainer. I could so see him being a gym teacher as well, imagine him coaching a kids ice hockey team. 💪🏽 He would SO volunteer to be a nude model in life drawing classes in his free time 😆 Though I hadn’t considered it before I read your stuff, I think he really fits a small town rancher too. I can so picture him in jeans, boots, and a flannel shirt, driving around in an old rusty faded red truck 👨‍🌾

Az could easily be in the FBI or something, but choosing something further away from his canon role, I seriously think he’d be an awkward computer programmer / software engineer nerd, or a twitch gamer, 👨🏻‍💻 with a secret anonymous OnlyFans or erotic audio patreon on the side. 😏 And I reckon he’d ride a motorcycle and tinker with it in his spare time, so might also enjoy working at a garage. 🏍️ I really love him in Midnight Muse, and think he suits a shy amateur artist / tattoo artist as well.

I also love the bat boy band idea I’ve seen a lot recently, where Rhys is the charismatic lead singer and guitarist, Az is the quiet songwriting bassist, and Cass is the energetic drummer. 🎶

Sorry it’s so long, I just love thinking about this stuff 😄

Hiiii!! Thank you so so much! I saw this message this morning but wanted to wait until I could give it my full attention and have my computer around, so thank you for your patience! 💙

Okay, some of my favorite AUs for the batboys? This is a wonderful question!

Rhys: Normally, I just think of Rhys as always having some sort of money/job inherited. So CEO, mafia, anything that puts him in a position of power, really, but i think it's mostly because those just reflect the books.

I do, however, love love love art school rhys. painter rhys. working at the local art supply degenerate rhys who still has wealthy parents but is trying to stick it to the man rhys. steals erasers and petty things from the art supply rhys. love him so much.

There's also something to be said about young adult rhys who's messing around with his little sister's best friend rhys. he gets me going too.

also captain of the hockey team rhys is a solid choice for him as well.

Cass: LOVE ME SOME RANCHER/COWBOY/SMALL TOWN CASSIAN. but, these are all very different. small town cass doesn't trust women, heart broken at a young age with the girl he thought was his forever. doesn't want to leave town, likes the ranch because its safe and its what he knows. cowboy cass or bull rider cassian, famous for breaking horses and backs. grumpy, gruff rancher cassian always gets me going tbh he's fucking hot as shit

i also always see him in a blue collar role like a mechanic or welder are the two i mostly attribute to him.

def something physical as well, we love hockey cass, rugby cass, wrestler (wwe lol) cass, dang i had another on my mind for sports cass but i forgot. sad. OH surfer cassian. jock type tho i can see him as. love the firefighter vibe for him too, he'd fill out the tight fire department t-shirt WELL LADIES and also volunteers for wet t-shirt contests. omg gym teach cass would be adorable as hell! oof another thought, contractor cassian ffs that would be so yummy

Az: Az i agree fits the FBI (stalker) vibes. i also like to think of him in finance or computer science too. omfg the erotic audio that's iconic and i'd def subscribe to that. hmmm what else could i see azzy doing...maybe something with music or writing...i could see him being a ghost writer of some sort and then one day his song plays on the radio and he's like hey i wrote that and literally no one believes him. something behind the scenes or where he can go unnoticed is mostly where i place him, tbh. honestly maybe even something military because he takes comfort in having a set schedule and people telling him what to do at every minute of the day. he'd fare well i think. perfect. operative because if the mission goes south and he gets captured he's not telling a soul anything.

Eris: idk why this thought came to my head but i was thinking about architecture but i think eris would be a fantastic interior designer lol. like i could see it. maybe i was just thinking about him furnishing az's new place and having a lil sparky. i could also see him as a lawyer too or something like that, something where he can be the know-it-all, smirking at them and looking down his nose at them...

Lucien: Architecture for sure. or professor. I could see him doing either of these. maybe even lawyer tbh, he would be good at that too, though i know he's immaculate at twisting stories and words so you gotta be careful of that.

Tamlin: poet? lol. professional gaslighter? jk i love tammy. maybe he installs security systems? haha just kidding just kidding. he's a tough one tho. idk why i added him but i guess also a musician but low-key soothing music, instrumental for sure...prob has a podcast where he just bullshits all day

hopefully i didn't rant for too long about this 🤭💙 this was so much fun though thank you for asking!

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

when they're on cases and he can't sleep cowboy! reader just stares at the ceiling. normally he would bake or play with buddy or something at home but on trips he just stares and tries to sleep. jj has rolled over and looked across the room to find him awake one too many times.

- 🦦

Description: cowboy reader can't sleep :(

Warnings: can't sleep (idk if it's insomnia tho), very tired reader, I think that's all

A/N: so the coffee dialogue has been sat in my notes without a fic idea for ages and I thought it might fit nicely here so I went for it lol

Taglist: @xweirdo101x @xdark-acadamiax @ara-a-bird @heidss @chubbyboyinflannel @pendragon-writes @migwayne @bigolgay @technikerin23 @supercriminalbean @honestlycasualarcade @caffeine-mess @1s3v3n1 @oddmiles @kevyeen @stealing-kneecaps @criminalskies @woodandwaxwings @wizardmon3 @aphroditeslovr @ducks118 @azeal-peal @13thdoctor-run @introvertpan84

Sleep was not coming to you. Like at all. It had been an hour and a half and all you had done was count the number of lights on the ceiling and judge their decor. There were only twelve small lights, but when you had finished counting you played small games - matching different lights to others, trying to make shapes in your head with the lights. Honestly you felt like you were going a bit insane.

You wiggled slightly as you sighed. This was worse than torture. You were tired, your eyes were tired and yet, no sleep would come to you. This was the second night. You would groan loudly, if it weren't for JJ sleeping soundly on the bed next to you.

The team had been given three rooms, one of which was being shared by Morgan, Reid, and Prentiss, the other by Rossi and Hotch, and finally, a room for you and JJ. You had tried to tell them that this layout made absolutely zero sense, but they weren't having it. And so, you and JJ departed from the rest of the group slightly flustered with Morgan whistling loudly.

And here you were. You were tempted to just stop trying to sleep and get back to work but you don't think your brain would function right now. You kind of wanted to bake something. Maybe the kitchen was open. Until you remembered it was half two in the morning. You missed Buddy.

You missed any form of communication with another human being.

Damn, you're spiralling already? Think of something, quick! Er, lizards are cool. You nod to yourself. It's true, lizards are cool.

"Are you okay?" A voice draws you out of your lizard thoughts.

"Huh?" It took you a minute to register, "Oh yeah can't sleep,'

"That sucks," JJ said, sitting up slightly, "Is there anything that helps?"

"Playin' with Buddy and bakin'," You said, shrugging. You gave a small yawn, "You go back to sleep, we need to be up in about..." You looked at the time, "Three hours."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," You shrugged, "Sleep well." She falls asleep instantly and you find yourself mesmerised by her. Eyelashes flushed against her cheek, you drew yourself out of your thoughts for a moment, turning away from her and to the ceiling.

You sighed, the ceiling no longer seemed interesting. You began to run the case over in your head. It felt like you were missing something. Something crucial, but what?

There was something about it. He wasn't sloppy - he wasn't leaving any DNA or physical evidence. He wasn't thinking irrationally. It just appeared irrational. Like his crimes weren't fully developed. Like he wasn't fully developed. Because he was a teenager! You mentally slapped yourself for not seeing it sooner as you bolted up. You had to talk to Hotch!

You grabbed one of the room keys on the table and practically ran out of the door. It was the only thing that made sense!

When you reached the door, you knocked - fairly loudly, but by accident. Within a minute Hotch opened the door (wearing a pajama t-shirt and checkered pajama pants).

"S'rry sir," You apologised before quickly getting into your train of thought, "The unsub's not sloppy, seems like it but its not. He's organised, he's not irrational but his crimes aren't developed. What if its 'cause he's still developin'?"

"You think he's a teenager?" You nodded, "That would make a lot of things make sense." He paused for a moment, taking in your appearance, "Have you slept at all?"

"Does blinkin' count?"

"No,"

"Then no."

"Get some sleep," Hotch said with a sigh, "I'll see you at six." You nodded, turning away and hearing Aaron lock the door behind you.

You were absolutely exhausted the next morning, two nights of pretty much no sleep (you had managed a whole hour both nights). You were going to need a lot of coffee and maybe a nap this afternoon.

You had only been at work for three hours when Hotch approached you. You were at the coffee machine.

"Ah sh't…" You mumble, dragging a hand over you face as the coffee machine bleeps angrily at you. Seeing Hotch, you turned to him for a moment before turning back to the coffee machine. "Hotch? Think I broke the c'ffee."

"Y/n?" You look up at him as you forced your eyes to stay open - despite them trying to flutter shut. "You need to get some sleep."

"'M not even tired." Hotch raised and eyebrow and you sighed, "Fine. But only thirty minutes..."

You walked the few steps to the couch in the break room, letting yourself practically collapse into it. You're immediately rewarded with sleep.

Two hours later (although it only felt like five minutes), Morgan gently shook you awake.

"Mmm, go 'way, 'm trynna sleep." You mumbled, turning over in hopes Morgan would just walk away.

There's a small smile, voice slightly higher in pitch, "There's been another body." JJ says.

You force your eyes open for a moment before trying to wipe the sleep from them. "There in five…" You grumbled, ignoring Morgan's rather loud huff.

You stood up, rubbing your eyes once more as you did. "Someone's not a morning person." Morgan teased lightly.

"'M too tired to argue with you, Morgan," You mumbled as you tried your best to stifle a yawn.

Luckily, within the next four hours, you had caught the unsub. "Can I have the couch on the jet please?" You yawned as Morgan cuffed him. "I think I might actually be able to get some sleep."

[yourpalmickeymouse]

Hola, Mickey! I was curious, what type of archetype do ya' think ya' fit when it comes to stressful situations? Are you the type to go with the flow and be mostly laid-back and deal with it, or are you the type to freak out and try to fix everything as quick as possible? Somewhere in-between, perhaps? I myself need control of every situation. 😅 Of course, it's impossible to box anybody, so maybe you don't see yourself as neither. Have a lovely day. :)

(i hope I did this right, I *just* stumbled upon this blog, lol)

Hiya butimnogirlstoy,

What a funny coincidence, Minnie and I were just talkin' about this. She actually made quite the interestin' observation 'bout me. 🤔

Accordin' to her, sometimes when a small issue appears that in retrospect isn't really that big of a deal, I guess I sorta freak out 'bout them. She mentioned the time when the Public Works Department changed the day for trash pickup from Friday to Monday. She said that it was all I could talk 'bout for a month and I was frantically callin' the Department office and pacin' all 'round my house. 🤷

Though honestly I don't think I was really stressin' out much. I mean I kinda had this whole system when I took out the trash on Friday and the new date sorta changed that. Also they didn't really release notice 'bout the change in an effective way. They sent an email that could very easily have gone in the junk mail or most people would have missed if they don't check their mail much. They really should've have sent actual mail to our physical mailboxes and even then they probably should have held a vote so that we, the citizens of Mouseton, could share our thoughts on the-

Oh 😅

Maybe she does have a point.

But that wasn't all she said. She also said that whenever a big problem comes up that should be very stressful for the average person, like dealin' with very violent villains, I actually handle it very well. She says that I sorta get into this "locked-in" mode and put all my energy into handlin' the problem and seem to not let the threat of danger bother me. I mean, I guess she may be right 'bout that. A lot of people say that I'm very brave, but I feel like I just do what needs to be done.

Minnie did however add that she actually worries more about me in these situations. Apparently, I have a hard time knowin' my limits and keep gettin' into more and more threatenin' situations. To be honest, it can be hard to reflect on these moments because I don't really remember what I'm thinkin' during them. I guess in some way that helps me be able to handle these tough situations... But I don't know if that's a good thing.

Well, I hope that answers your question!

- M.M.

[the-tmnt-ficfinder]

Ficfinder finds: The Lemonade Leak

Rottmnt Fanfic Summary: "Leo can not sleep, because there is a thing in Donnie's lab, pretending to be his twin. Or: It turns out that being created as a biological super soldier comes with a few... modifications. Some of those, more dangerous than others."

The Lemonade Leak: Appraisal and Ratings

(Don't know what fanfic "Appraisal and Ratings" means? Check out my explanation on my Main Masterpost! Looking for a different fanfic to read? Head on over to my Fanfic List Masterpost!)

Disclaimer: This fanfic is unfinished, and as such, this post will be updated as fanfic updates. This fanfic is only available to those who have an Ao3 profile. This fanfic is written by @turtleinsoup, so go show them some love and support!!

The fanfic ratings are not based on quality, favoritism, or how good I think it is, but rather, how intense a subject may be. Like a movie review, or the tags on Ao3, letting the readers know what to expect.

Plot: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Plot is five out of five!! Its complicated, confusing, and filled with exciting plot twists! This is the kind of fanfic where you could read it many times over, and find hints/spoilers in the beginning chapters that you never would have seen till reading further in. So much intricacy!!"

Suspense/Mystery: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Suspense/Mystery is five out of five!! The Lemonade Leak has incredibly high amounts of suspense, and by suspense, I don't mean 'oh no, what ever will happen?' suspense. But rather 'OHMYFREAKINGGOSH WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?!?!' kind of suspense. The Lemonade Leak is an incredibly hard to put down fic, and especially because each chapter leads to cliffhanger after cliffhanger! The mystery in The Lemonade Leak is wonderfully well done, and interictally woven into each chapter! I always assume each offhanded sentence said could mean something, and often times, it has meant something!"

Angst/Hurt: 💛💛💛💛🖤

"Angst/Hurt is four out of five!! The Lemonade Leak contains a healthy dose of angst, and hurt in both the physical and emotional departments. The angst is often layered, and is achieved chapters later i.e. a sentence said five chapters ago, comes true, or hurts feelings five chapters later, making it so much worse ^^"

Fluff/Comfort: 💛💛🖤🖤🖤

"Fluff/Comfort is two out of five!! This fanfic contains low levels of fluff, and very minimal comfort. There is no happiness, only pain lol. If you enjoy a very angsty, low comfort fic, this one is for you!!"

Emotions Conveyed: 💛💛💛💛🖤

"Emotions Conveyed is four out of five!! While reading this fanfic, I felt so many emotions (including high amounts of stress and anxiety lol) and this fanfic even made me think on a deeper level. I could feel how the characters felt, making this more than just words on a screen."

Drama/Tension Level:💛💛💛💛💛

"Drama/Tension Level is five out of five!! The Lemonade Leak is a highly intense read that will for sure have you on the edge of your seat! The tension in each chapter is very palpable, filled to the brim with sibling and twin drama. The best part? Each chapter ends on a cliffhanger, making the panic real."

Triggers: 💛💛💛💛🖤

"Triggers are four out of five!! The Lemonade Leak has its fair share of triggering things, ranging from volatile thoughts, to body horror, to medical triggers, and even more! Made me shudder more than once."

Legibility (Reading): 💛💛💛💛💛

"Legibility (Reading) is five out of five!! The writing style is incredibly smooth, poetic, and even has some special effects later on, that are incredibly fun to read!! Eye pleaser for sure."

Legibility (Audio): 💛💛🖤🖤🖤

"Legibility (Audio) is two out of five! While some of the poetic writing is incredibly fun to listen to in audio book form, once you get later on in the story, audio book is very hard to listen to. Some of the later chapters, which are in Donnie's POV, are almost impossible to listen to due to the symbols used, and intricate equations placed in the writing. Very hard to understand while listening to, but absolutely gorgeous to look at! The Lemonade Leak is for sure a fic that is more fun to read rather than listen to."

Length: 💛💛💛🖤🖤

"Length is three out of five!! The Lemonade Leak has a chapter count of 37 chapters, though that may change as the story progresses."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Lemonade Leak: Chapter List

(Chapters will be added as I rate and appraise them ^^)

Chapter 1: The Apostate

Chapter 2: The Fool

Chapter 3: The Maker

Chapter 4: The Prophet

Chapter 5: The Witness

Chapter 6: The Liar

Chapter 7: The Body

Chapter 8: The Carver

Chapter 9: The Believer

Chapter 10: The Devotee

Chapter 11: The Gardener

Chapter 12: The Hostage

Chapter 13: The Caretaker

Chapter 14: The Weapon

Chapter 15: The Bearer

Chapter 16: The Twin

Chapter 17: The Corpse

Chapter 18: The Noun

Chapter 19: The Sculptor

Chapter 20: The Missing

Chapter 21: The Monster

Chapter 22: The Stranger

Chapter 23: The Warden

[princessofxianle]

You mentioned/implied in one of your posts that Shen Liang once tried to kill Feng Xin…I have a few questions!

1. I’m really curious as to how Shen Wangxi would react if she knew the full extent as to how Shen Liang’s treated Feng Xin, from the starvation to the beatings and the literal attempted MURDER (that’s dark 😭), which is even sadder because Shen Liang once swore to protect Feng Xin. Shen Wangxi thought he would grow up safe and cared for by his sister, but he didn’t, because his sister was the main threat to him for his entire childhood. How does Shen Wangxi feel about that?

2. How do Mu Qing, Xie Lian, and Xie Lian’s family feel about Feng Xin’s childhood? Does Feng Xin have a better understanding of Mu Qing when he leaves to take care of his mother?

3. Why didn’t Feng Xin’s father ever try to get Shen Liang therapy or any sort of counseling, and what did he do after Shen Liang injured/tried to kill Feng Xin?

This isn’t a question but tbh I kinda hope that Feng Xin never truly forgives Shen Liang for what she did to him. It sounds like she went above and beyond terrorizing him, and all for something that Feng Xin had no choice in…this is a good AU because it makes me feel things lol

Oooooooh look at all these juicy fkn questions, THANK YOU anon! I woke up to this the other day and got very excited to answer these ehe lets gooo...

for reference: meet the OC's (Feng Xin's family)

*alex from the future here, I wrote A LOT I hope you don’t mind… just a warning lol* CARRY ON…

1. How Would Shen Wangxi react to finding out what her daughter did to her son?

Needless to say, I think she would be incredibly disappointed in her daughter, Shen Liang. Regardless, Shen Wangxi is a better woman than I will ever be, and has an insane capability of understanding that is emphasized in her capacity for unconditional love. I haven’t yet talked a lot about Shen Wangxi aside from just being the siblings’ mother, but her entire life has been full of changes that she has taken in stride.

She wanted to cultivate. But instead had a daughter.

She fully intended to raise her on her own, then she met and fell in love with her now husband, Feng Yang, and eventually gave her life for her son.

She has always chased her dreams, but her strength comes from her ability to pursue a new dream without regret or the idea that she “wasted time” in her life, and that’s because she believes that all of her decisions have led her to her next one, and she would not have lived the life she did without doing exactly that and in that specific order.

As I gave a sneak peek earlier, Shen Wangxi will learn about Feng Xin’s childhood when he finds her ghost flame. But more developments to come later (I don’t wanna spoil too many of my reveals lol)

One thing I would like to clarify is that Shen Liang never actually attempts to flat out murder Feng Xin. She is INDEED a bully, physically abusive, even more verbally abusive, and an intelligent pain in the ass one at that. She’s headstrong, resilient, but uncontainable. (And she may or may not possess an incomplete form of teachings from her mothers cultivation days… but it’s 'unknown' to what extent ehe)

(also in a recent idea ive had, Shen Liang is the one who kills Feng Xin’s brand new puppy, but idk if I wanna do that to him… we’ll see…)

2. Xianle Trio Opinions on Feng Xin's childhood?

Feng Xin does not talk about his childhood all that often. Most of the physical abuse he undergoes from Shen Liang happens when he’s very young. The rest he learns to live with as his life is not in danger as he slowly grows older, more independent, and able to fully take care of himself (and later, Xie Lian).

With that said, Feng Xin takes his oaths seriously. He has essentially forfeited any of his inheritance to the Feng Family and is now, in a way, owned by the crown... by Xie Lian.

His past does not matter. Therefore there is no point to bring it up.

Feng Xin does not react any differently to Mu Qing when he decides to depart from the trio in book 4. I mean, Feng Xin can't really empathize with Mu Qing even if he wanted to. He never really had a mother of his own.

Also my babie boi bodyguard (loml) is the king at compartmentalization. He takes his oaths so seriously that he does not understand how someone who “cares” has the capacity to leave. To Feng Xin, at this point in his life, the world is black and white. Right and wrong. Good and bad. Perfect or broken.

Xie Lian, to him, is perfect, and he believes in him with his whole heart.

To Feng Xin, there is still no acceptable excuse to abandon his highness.

There is no need to bring a perfect being down with the cracks on him from his past. His past means nothing now. He is the bodyguard of Taizi Dianxia. No more, no less, and thats exactly how Feng Xin wants it to be… for now.

3. Why didn't Feng Yang get his daughter help?

Short answer? He tried.

But there’s only so much you can do with a sly and capable teenager that has lost her entire world. Her past-self died with her mother, in a sense. She takes it out on the thing closest to her.

Her didi :(

Feng Yang has zero tolerance for this. And that fits given the Feng family longstanding custom of “a man's worth is defined by his ability to protect the things he loves.” A phrase beaten into the heads of every single man to be born with the surname. And no one really knows where the tradition started.

He comes from a historically long line of royal bodyguards (himself included, as he himself used to be a bodyguard for the king, XL’s dad, when he was still a crown prince) so he does discipline her, harshly, in fact, and addresses the issues at hand. He protects his son to the absolute best of his ability. However, she’s still her own young woman. Immature, for sure. But, like her mother, set in her ways. Although said “ways” between them differ.

Feng Yang is a large reason why a lot of the physical abuse Feng Xin endured stopped and never returned. Shen Liang is good at covering her tracks (and it doesn’t help Feng Xin loves her too much to tattle) but Feng Yang is a sharp one as well. He’s an established general for goodness sakes. Minds games, and dispute management is literally his thing. And he’s good at it (the king can attest to that… professionally… ofc)

Additional remarks...

hi again, anon! I feel like this is an odd thing for me to say (but this is also my first round of OCs so I’m still getting used to this) but to me it’s a huge compliment that you have such strong feelings against Shen Liang. Personally, she is one of my favorite literary creations I’ve ever put together and from a writing standpoint I’m really proud of that.

Additionally, my goal is now to make you see her how I see her (I have a lot of character development for her that I haven’t talked about yet bc im not sure how to go about actually presenting this AU thing… like if I want to do this in little posts on tumblr or post in one BIG fic or large collection of fics idk yet). But...

Shen Liang is very much her mother’s daughter. Feng Xin is his father's son. And they both may have more in common than Shen Liang thinks.

Lastly, I’ll leave this little note from my planning notes since these were the concepts that drive the majority of this story.

And I do love me some good parallels...

OKAY im shutting up now, if you made it this far (I love you) thank you for reading! I think about this AU in my free time, its LITERALLY my fav hobby now…

'til next time

[enderwolf91]

tumblr is great for meeting and talking to people from all sorts of places/backgrounds, but it'll never live up to meeting the very diverse groups of people you meet in online college courses.

with my school starting this week I've been doing a lot of 'get to know your online classmates' (cuz when I got the option of in-person or online classes, my introverted ass immediately chose the latter) and let me tell you, these fuckers (affectionately) in one of my classes are the strangest, most ragtag put together people I have ever met.

First off, you have me. Mentally ill, Overwatch player with insomnia and too many stuffed animals and obsession with strawberry milk (I say with said drink sitting next to me, completely gone despite just pouring it)

My teacher is a fellow she/they who plays Call of Duty and reads poetry and worked at my local renaissance festival over the summer.

Then there's a physical therapist/rock climber named Gon. (I have had to refrain from making hunter x hunter references because I have a feeling that I am the only person in this class who watches anime and would understand the reference).

Three people majoring in Mortuary science while three others majoring in nursing; mind you one of the nursing majors has been a certified nurse assistant for 29 years and has 4 adult children...

A 15 year old??

A comedy screen writer whose very open about how his parents were more disappointed with him wanting to be professional comedy writer than coming out of the closet.

And my favorite addition. A girl who wants to major in either veterinary medicine or forensic/autopsy science (two sides of the same coin I guess). Has pet rats, 20+ species of tarantulas, and 4 cats all of which she calls her zoo. Weightlifts, plays Animal Crossing, enjoys anything horror-adjacent, and taxidermies her departed pets.

This is a group made to survive an apocalypse together and I am here for it. We have a sprinkle of all the crazy and then some. (if any of these people somehow find this post, hi i'm that one person majoring in art and has a cat name cheeto lol please don't tell teach. if you're my teacher and you saw this post... no you didn't... also please don't look at the other things i've posted I beg you.)

[thatswhatsushesaid]

Sangyao for the ship game?

WOW I forgot I decided to do this meme, I am so sorry for leaving you hanging, anon!! (and also to the other people who sent me asks, I will get on those now) so:

ship it 👍

but as with most of my non-xiyao ships, I don't think I sail this particular one the way lots of other sangyao shippers do, since 1) I think there is very little canon support for it, and 2) in all of my non-jgy ships, I can never divorce jgy from his feelings for lxc. so even when I ship jgy with anyone else, he still loves er-ge best, and that is bound to be something that not everyone is here for.

that said, here are my answers to the other questions:

1. what made me ship it?

it was their vibes in cql, I think! I loved how quick meng yao was to throw himself between wen chao et al. and nie huaisang during the cloud recesses reception in episode 4, and how nie huaisang immediately shrank back behind him. because he trusted meng yao to take care of him--meng yao, who may or may not even have a golden core at this point, has not been raised among cultivators, but who nevertheless on pure instinct places himself in harm's way to protect chifeng-zun's easily flustered didi. in the novel, it was all of the gifts that jgy showered on nhs after he becomes jin guangyao, and how much joy and delight nhs seems to derive from his visits, as well as receiving such thoughtful gifts from someone who seems to actually understand his interests. I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't a little 👀 over the possibilities of what these two often underestimated men could accomplish if they were given the opportunities to do what they do best and support each other while doing it. (well. jgy would probably do most of the supporting, but I won't throw nhs totally under the bus in that department).

2. what are my favourite things about this ship?

this is another area where I expect my answer is not going to be super popular among some other sangyao shippers, but whatever, here goes. probably what I find most compelling about this ship is that, no matter how attentive and loving and devoted to meeting nhs's needs as jgy is, nhs will always know on some level that in jgy's heart, there can only be lan xichen. and given the darkness I think is absolutely present in nhs's heart even before nmj dies, I think there is a lot of potential for gothic horror-romance there. tl;dr this is not the ship I reach for when I want to indulge in some happily-ever-after vibes, even when I am hoping to use a romance between the two as part of a canon-divergent fix-it.

aside from that downer, I do like that nhs as a person is just extremely hands-on and tactile with how he interacts with others. in a sangyao ship, I imagine this was something that shocked jgy to start with, but I can also see it being one of the things that he comes to cherish most about their relationship. because nhs just doesn't care about the world's perception of him, and it does not occur to him to be too concerned with the world's perception of jgy either. he wants to drape himself dramatically across his san-ge and beg for help with these wretched grain tariffs, and no one is going to stop him, and as much as this probably exasperates (and frightens, on some level) jgy, I don't think he would give that up easily.

3. is there an unpopular opinion I have about this ship?

y... yeah. lol. a lot of them to be honest. I do not vibe with the idea that jgy would ever have chosen to do nhs harm prior to figuring out that nhs is behind the complete destruction of his whole life, and so when I see jgy being cruel to nhs physically or emotionally in fic, I smash that back button. I also don't think that a happy ending for jgy involves becoming nie-furen (or nie-er-furen, if nmj is still alive) anymore than I think he would be happy as lan-furen, and while there's far less fic for this than there is lan-furen, I still just sigh when I encounter even fanon speculation about it. jgy isn't a lan, and he isn't a nie--he's a jin, and I think while nhs is blind to a lot of things, he would not be blind to something like that.

wahoo, better late than never!!

[vampire-exgirlfriend]

I’m leaving this little request in your mailbox with absolutely zero pressure.

Eddie Munson (because I’m nothing if not predictable…)

[REUNITE] and/or [MASK]

You know I’ll soak up everything you write like a sponge, even if it’s for a fandom I’m not part of, so I can’t wait to see what you write whether you write my ask or not! Have fun!! 💕

Oh Jax as if I wasn't going to write whatever you asked me to lol somehow it ended up being 4k words of emotional pain and smut.

Lonely is the Word

Pairing: Eddie Munson x femreader

Words: 4k

Rating: E

Warnings: some angst, smut

masterlist

I saw some graffiti once that said "love is like broken glass." And if that's true, Eddie Munson was the boot that had shattered me, ground me into nothing more than particles.

I couldn't even blame him, not really, not after what he had been through.

So I waited. Time passed and his physical wounds had healed, but Eddie stayed behind, the walls he built growing higher and higher, covering over with brambles and thorns and vines to keep me out, to keep everyone out. As much as I wanted to, I was never able to fit in the spaces he had hallowed out of himself, cutting myself on the jagged edges whenever I tried. So, bloody and bruised, I left.

Not just him, but Hawkins altogether.

As summer faded away, I loaded my things in the trunk of my shitty, hand me down station wagon, and picked up Robin the next morning, driving the two of us to New York where Robin was starting a theater program at NYU. I hadn't even said goodbye to Eddie. I doubt he would have even seen me if I tried.

And now it was January, cold and bleak midwinter. The elevator doors closed and regret clogged up my throat as I saw my reflection in the gleaming metal. The dress Robin had managed to snag for me from the costume department could only be described as decadent - black velvet that clung to my waist and breasts, the neckline a deep v that settled just above my belly button. It fell to the floor in a tumble of fabric, a long slit up the side, the sleeves ending at my wrists. Atop my cheek bones sat a Venetian mask, black and gold and secured by a black ribbon.

I felt beautiful. I felt ridiculous.

A warm hand settled on the small of my back and I turned, giving Robin a wan smile. She had worn a black velvet suit to match my outfit, her hair falling in messy waves around her white and gold mask.

"You look killer, you know," she chirped, trying to bring excitement back to the moment.

And I should be excited, I knew that. This party was going to be insane - invites were incredibly hard to come by and I knew how stoked Robin was for this. So I ticked my smile higher and clutched my friend's hand, squeezing gently.

"You look killer," I answered, swinging our joined hands between us. "Thank you for bringing me."

"There's no one else I'd rather crush some fancy masquerade with."

It hadn't been easy for Robin, watching her oldest friend crumble into ruins at the loss of the love of her young life. But she took it like a champ, doing everything she could to bring some light back to the situation. And when her NYU acceptance letter came in, it was a no-brainer that we go together, that we try and escape the ghosts of that spring.

Nancy had gone to California with Jonathan and Steve...well, someone had to stay with Eddie. So Robin called him most nights and they giggled like idiots until sleep claimed them.

The elevator doors slid open as they reached the penthouse. Robin extended an arm. "M'lady," she teased.

A second set of doors opened and I would have sworn we had walked into another world. Original art in gilded frames covered the walls and waiters in all black, masks included, skirted around the room, trays of champagne and hors d'oeuvres braced on their splayed fingertips. The lights were low and we had to squint to make out the darker corners, the people who had already found their way to them, masks abandoned, bodies and hands occupied.

"Remind me how you got us in here?" I asked, her eyes wide.

"Uh…remember my thing for hot older women?" Robin whisper-yelled.

I nodded, my eyes refusing to settle on any one thing.

"I fooled around with the Dean of Performing Arts."

I turned to her, my mouth falling open. "You did not?!"

"What? She's only like forty." Robin shrugged. "She's insanely hot. And we only live once, kitten. Better make the best of it."

"You're out of your mind!"

All Robin said was "yes" before leading us toward the nearest waiter and snagging two glasses of champagne. It was bubbly, tart on my tongue, and warm as it hit the pit of my gut. My eyes wandered off in search of the hors d'oeuvres, darting over the other guests who were draped in couture designs. I snagged a bacon wrapped fig and then another, flashing the waiter a stupid grin as I chewed. A hand rose from across the room and Robin perked up at the sight of the brunette woman in red, her dress a frothy confection that wrapped around her like a cloud.

"Duty calls," she whispered, leaning in to press a quick kiss to my cheek before abandoning me for who I assumed was the "insanely hot" dean.

There is a feeling that comes with being watched. That feeling only intensifies when being watched by someone who has seen the most vulnerable parts of you. It's a sort of heavy awareness that pushes at all of your defenses.

That feeling descended on me, leaving me feeling hot and cold, bare and vulnerable, like prey. My eyes scanned the room from behind my mask, lingering here and there, but I found no one watching, everyone too engrossed in their drinks or their company or their hidden, wandering hands. I backed through the crowd and found a spot near the doors that led to the balcony, watching transfixed as the music took on a darker tone, the party slowly melting from upscale gathering to bacchanalian revelry. For a moment, it was easy to forget the unease that ate at me as these upper east side yuppies forget their sense of propriety.

And then I felt it, the watching, like hands peeling away the layers of my borrowed dress. This time my eyes landed on familiar chocolate curls and my stomach dropped, landing somewhere near my feet.

No, that was impossible.

They were gone as quickly as they appeared, disappeared into the crowd. I whirled around, trying to find Robin. My eyes darted over the crowd, looking for the white and gold mask, finally landing on her familiar golden hair. But she was too engrossed in her conversation to notice me, to see the panic on my face.

The hair on the back of my neck stood on end, my brain screaming that there was something I was missing, something important, just as a warmth bloomed at my back, a heat so heartbreakingly familiar.

"Hey you."

I knew that voice. I'd heard it a thousand times before in a thousand different ways: soft and intimate near the shell of my ear, shouting at me from across the room, caught in a whine as I touched him, touched him, touched him.

I turned and there he was, his hair pulled back, a black and red mask over the top half of his face. He was here. He was whole. He was…wearing a suit?

"Eddie?"

"Hey, baby," he murmured, and his voice drew me in, dragged me down, like it did every time. For a moment I forgot how angry I still was, how hurt.

But then he grinned and it all came back, crashing over me like a wave against the beach. "What the fuck?" I hissed, looking over my shoulder, looking for escape. I had wanted this so badly, wanted him, but now all I wanted was to run away.

Eddie's face fell, his soft mouth pulling down at the edges. He was quick to straighten it though, holding his hands up in surrender as I pulled away from him. The soft candlelight glinted off the metal of his rings. "I'm sorry," he blurted. "I know that doesn't mean shit and you hate my guts but I just…I couldn't keep it in anymore. I'm so sorry."

"I've been gone for six months, Eddie! And there were five months before that when an 'I'm sorry' would have been way more appropriate." My eyes narrowed and I crossed my arms over my chest. He opened his mouth and I held up a hand to silence him. "I get it, okay. You went through something horrible, something I'll never truly understand. Rob still has nightmares; I know whatever it was was horrible. I wasn't there, so I don't really understand. But you wouldn't let me help you, you wouldn't even let me try to be there for you! I go on a stupid spring break vacation and I come back to my boyfriend on trial for murder and an earthquake that bulldozed my house and you won't even talk to me!" A few heads turned toward the sound of my raised voice.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, scuffing the toe of his shiny dress shoe against the marble tile.

"And where the fuck did you get a suit?"

Eddie snorted a laugh. "Robin."

"She knows you're here?"

"She scored me a ticket."

My eyes flew over the room, landing on my roommate who leaned against a column on the other side of the open space. Robin dropped her gaze when she realized she'd been caught, her smile slipping.

I sighed, shaking my head, buzzing with irritation and resentment and a sadness I thought I had left behind. "You two are unbelievable. I can't believe you, Eddie." I dropped my hands and turned away from him, pushing through the double doors that led to the balcony, goosebumps erupting over my skin as soon as the January night air swept over me. I stomped toward one of the ridiculously fancy fire pits, flames dancing in the dark, the warmth seeping into my bones. So frustrated that I could scream, I stared into the fire, willing my nerves to settle. Footsteps broke my newfound calm and my hands clenched into fists again.

"Jesus Christ, it's freezing out here." Eddie rounded the corner, already pulling the jacket from his shoulders to wrap around me. I fought the urge to snap at him, to shrug off his offering. But it was warm and it smelled like him and oh, god, it was too much. He reached back, untying the ribbon that held his mask to his face and I felt the telltale burn of impending tears when I looked at him for the first time in six months.

Eddie was almost exactly like I remembered. His eyes were still soft, so dark and warm I wanted to drown in them. His plush mouth curved up into an awkward smile that I had memorized almost as soon as I met him. I knew every freckle that lay over his body. I knew just where to touch to make him laugh or to make him moan. I knew what he sounded like just before he came, when my name was a whimper in his mouth. But that Eddie had been a boy. Whoever stood in front of me now was definitely a man. There was a hardness to him that I had never seen before, a hollowness, a haunting.

"What are you doing here, Eddie?" An old softness crept into my voice, the one I saved just for him.

He tossed his mask to the bench tucked into the corner beside us and shoved his hands into his pockets. "I was dead."

My face pinched in confusion. "What?"

"I died down there, in the Upside-down. I was dead." He said it as if it were old news, as if it wasn't earth shattering. "I remember the pain, I remember the blood, I remember Dustin holding me as it all went dark. I don't remember how they got me home. Hell, I barely remember the trial. The lights were on, but no one was home."

I nodded, angling my body toward his. He stared down at his shoes, refusing to meet my eyes. Slowly, gently, as if afraid to scare him off, I reached for him. His dark eyes met mine and it was as if whatever wall lay between us split right down the middle.

"I couldn't stand the sight of myself, so how could I expect you to?"

And just like that, my heart broke all over again. "Eddie, there was never a single moment where I wanted anything but you." Our on again, off again had been in an off period when that Spring Break had come around, but I had genuinely believed it was just another one of our stupid games, a parting meant to make the reunion sweeter, hotter. "I was coming home to you."

He nodded, a sad smile pulling at his lips. "I know. But something broke in me and I had no idea how to fix it. I wasn't gonna let you wait around while I figured it out. It just wasn't fair."

My voice lowered, my festering irritation blooming painfully. "What wasn't fair was you making that choice for me. I get that you had some things to work through that a girlfriend wasn't super conducive to, but we could have had a conversation about that. You could have just dumped me."

Eddie nodded, pursing his lips as he really thought about what I said. But then his eyes met mine and I didn't miss the heat in them, they way they shined in the firelight. He pulled his hands from pockets and stepped forward, grabbing my wrist and tugging me toward a door I hadn't noticed before.

"Eddie, let go of me." I tried to yank my hand back but he didn't give an inch, breathing a soft 'hell yeah' when he found the door wasn't locked, pushing it open and jerking me inside what looked like a small library. Two leather chairs flanked an ornate marble fireplace and a low, plush leather couch sat on the opposite side, its back to the massive built-ins stuffed full of books and sculptures. It was dark, the only light coming from the moon and the lights that had been strung up on the balcony, filtering in softly through the gauzy sheer curtains. The door clicked shut behind us and when Eddie's hand fell to the knob, he slid the lock home.

A familiar spark lit in my belly, a heat that had always promised pleasure, that only took root when he looked at me the way he was now, the way he hadn't in over a year. His eyes were black in the dim room, his face serious as he pinned me with that heavy gaze. And then he was on me, his hands cradling my face, his mouth crushing to mine. My surprised gasp lowered into a moan when he licked into my mouth, nipping at my bottom lip.

"It was never about living without you," he mumbled against my lips. "I just didn't know how to live with myself anymore. But I think I've finally started to figure it out."

"Eddie," I whispered, and it hurt. It broke my heart that he felt that way, that he had lived in a world where he didn't feel like he belonged, even more so than he had when we met, both outcasts and not too eager to change that fact. It hurt even more that it had all played out this way, neither of us able to reach out to the other.

Eddie backed up toward the couch, dropping to splay over the cushions. He pulled me over his lap, my hands finding his hair and tangling in the curls I had managed to free from the hair tie. He sucked at my neck, his mouth hotter than I remembered as his hand slid beneath the slit of my dress. He tugged off my mask before his hands fell, rough fingertips sliding over the skin of my thigh, higher toward the juncture of my legs. I knew if he touched me there, I would forget every reason why this was a bad idea. Yanking at his tie, I wriggled my hands beneath the collar of his shirt, my fingers meeting texture they'd never felt before. Eddie sucked in a breath and I pulled back, my eyes darting over his face.

"You don't have to…," he started, but I cut him off, pressing my lips to his, gentle fingers slowly unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt. When I peeled back the stiff white fabric, my eyes fell to the familiar demon head tattoo and then the thick knot of scar tissue below it.

It looked like…a bite. Like something's teeth had torn through him, ripping chunks of his flesh away.

There was really nothing to say. So I leaned forward and planted my lips to the ruined skin, leaving my tongue over the rough texture before kissing a trail up his neck. "I want to though."

His hand slid beneath the band of my underwear and he groaned when he found me wet for him, his middle finger gliding easily between my folds. "Oh Christ," he groaned, pressing lightly. I felt that tremble in his wrist as he held himself back from pressing inside me. "You're always so wet for me," he said, as if it hadn't been a year since he'd touched me like this.

I didn't bother reminding him, just ground down against his hand, searching out that delicious friction. "We're gonna get caught," I panted against his lips, tilting his face back to look up at me. The sight was divine, his mouth parted, his eyes glassy with need.

"Nah, I locked the door," he said, leaning forward in search of my neck.

"Not the other door, dingus," I reminded him.

He chuckled before licking a stripe over my throat, his teeth worrying at my skin. My head fell back on my shoulders. "We'll be quick. And then we'll go back to your place and I'll take my time with you, apologize however you want me to, baby."

When he put it like that, it sounded too good to argue over. All that pain and anger, all the questions, would still be there. Maybe it was better to just take what I needed, what I knew he could give me.

"When do you leave?" I asked, heart already breaking all over again at the idea.

Eddie's hand stilled between my thighs, his free one rising to cradle my jaw as if I were something precious. "I'm here until you send me away." He kissed me once, gently. "My ticket was one way. Harrington's back at your place, in case I needed a getaway driver."

"Okay, good." I tore my hands from his hair and dropped them to his waist, trembling fingers fumbling with his belt, urging him to lift his hips so I could tug his pants over the slight curve of his ass.

"Are you saying I need a getaway driver?" His breath was hot against my neck, his tone teasing.

"Shut up." I felt the familiar chill of his rings against my skin, his thumb brushing a circle over my clit. He was kissing me again, little groans falling from his lips to mine. It was so easy to fall back into him, to pick up where we left off before life turned ugly and tore us apart. One thick finger slipped inside and I cried out at the shock. Eddie's eyes widened, sliding to the unlocked door, before covering my mouth with his palm.

"Don't get us caught, sweetheart," he mumbled, a second finger joining the first. I moaned against his palm, my eyes rolling back as I rode his hand. "That's it, that's good, right?"

I nodded, unable to speak past the fingers that pressed into my mouth. It was good, but it wasn't enough, not after everything, not after the waiting and the wanting. His belt came apart in my hands, the button of his slacks slipping easily from the hole that held it closed, and then he was in my hands, hard and hot. His eyes rolled back when I stroked him, my fingers not quite able to close around the thick of him. He whined and then suddenly I was falling, the hand that had been pressed to my mouth coming to cradle my head as he dropped me to lay back on the couch.

Eddie tugged my underwear down my thighs, shoving the soaked lace in his pocket and hitching my leg over his hip. I felt the blunt head of his cock nudge at me as his hips jerked forward, impatient.

"Shit, I wanna be gentle with you, but I...I don't think..." His voice was hoarse, his forehead coming to rest against mine. His hands held my wrists over my head and it was all I could do to arch my back, to try and get closer.

"There's time for gentle later." It was true and it was all I could say before he pushed forward, burying himself in me.

I had almost forgotten the near impossible stretch, the way my body had to adjust to the size of him. But then he was moving, a long, slow stroke that pulled him nearly all the way out before thrusting forward and stealing my breath. I thought my heart would beat out of my chest in those heavy seconds before he started to thrust in earnest. Slow and controlled melted into deep and hard and I couldn't swallow down the moans that poured from my throat as he fucked me.

"God damn it, sweetheart," he muttered. "Hush." I couldn't, I wouldn't, and I whined again as he hit that spot up high and I saw stars. "Fucking hell." He crashed his mouth to mine, his tongue curling behind my teeth, swallowing down the sounds I made. He tasted like smoke and spearmint gum, he tasted like home.

Eddie rose up, his hands finding my knees, spreading them wide. His eyes darted between my face and the place where he disappeared inside of me, the sounds of labored breathing and wet flesh growing louder. His hair was wild around his face, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. One hand slid down my inner thigh to where we were joined and began to rub quick circles against my clit. I knew he wouldn't last much longer. I knew I wouldn't either. I palmed at my breasts through the material of my dress, desperate to be naked, to have Eddie's skin pressed to mine, to be able to touch and taste and take our time.

Later.

"Baby," he groaned. "I'm not gonna last. You feel too good, missed you too much. Are you still in the pull?"

I just nodded, a low groan crawling up my throat. It wasn't more than another minute until I felt him bloom within me, that familiar heat uncoiling sticky and deep. Eddie bit out my name from between clenched teeth, his hips stilling. Without a word, he pulled out of me, dropping to his knees on the floor. I moved to sit up, but his large hands found my hips and tugged my ass to the edge of the couch. He winked before ducking beneath the skirt of my dress.

"Oh my god," I choked out at the first pass of his tongue. He slid two fingers forward, their passage eased by the slick of his cum as he pumped them back and forth. My back arched when he pulled my clit between his lips, tiny shocks like lightning pulsing over my skin. Even though he was hidden by the black velvet, the sound of his mouth on my cunt was obscene. Eddie moaned, curling his fingers forward. I felt that clench in my lower belly, the muscles of my legs flexing where he'd draped them over his shoulders. His teeth grazed my clit and I saw stars. When he groaned against me I felt it, all fluttery vibration, and fell apart on his tongue, my back bowing off the couch, a filthy moan of his name falling from my lips.

"I missed that," he murmured, pressing a kiss to my thigh before lifting his head, setting my feet gently against the floor. He tucked himself back in his pants before wiping the back of his hand across his mouth, wet and shining. "I missed you."

He tugged my dress back into place and laid his head in my lap. My fingers threaded through his curls, muscle memory at this point. "I missed you too. I honestly can't believe you're here."

"I don't know where we go from here," Eddie said as he propped his chin against my leg. He reached forward and grabbed my hand, tangling our fingers together. Just then he looked so much like the boy I had loved. "But I couldn't wait anymore to figure it out. And I love you too much to just let you go."

I opened my mouth to respond and the doors that led to the library burst open, giggles and rustling fabric floating into the room. Eddie sat up straight, his eyes going wide. I scooted up the couch, peeking over the back. Robin had herself wrapped around the dean, her hands disappearing beneath her bright red dress. She turned and our eyes met from across the open space, Robin's face flushing hot and red. Just as quickly as they had entered, she wheeled the older woman around awkwardly, backing her out of the room.

"This one's taken," was all she said before flashing two thumbs up and mouthing "hell yes!"

Eddie grinned, his dimples flashing. "At least someone's rooting for us."

I leaned forward, propping my elbow on my knee and resting my chin against my palm. This close I could see the tiny flecks of gold in his dark eyes. I smiled and it was real.

"I'm rooting for us."

[ae-neon]

Reading Throne of Glass (16-18)

Tw: has mentions of rape and suicide

Recap:

Princess Nehemia has arrived at the glass castle. She and Celaena clicked instantly.

The king departed on a secret voyage.

Kaltain Rompier remains pretty and rich as fuck.

One of the competitors died a mysterious and gruesome death.

The competition to find a Champion for the King finally started. Celaena might have found an ally in Nox Owen.

Chapter 16

Celaena and Chaol are having an early morning jog.

Celaena tells us Chaol is jogging and sweating lightly in a white shirt because she knows I'll eat it up. And I did.

Celaena throws up a lot. Like I get it's a physical reaction. But...vomiting hurts. The intense muscle cramps, the acid in your throat, it hurts. Vomiting like this everyday should and would damage her body.

2 weeks since Endovier. 10 days since arrival in the capital. 3 days since the 1st Test. Less than 1 month total. 4 days til the next elimination. Keeping score cause sjm timelines are hilarious.

Everything Chaol does is amazing.

Nevermind, as all men do, he immediately did something to show me I was wrong lol. Humbled and humiliated as I should be.

He sucked on his lower lip for a moment. “When did you get those?” She knew he meant the three enormous lines that ran down her back. “When do you think?” she said. He didn’t reply, (...) “Those three, I received my first day in Endovier.” “What did you do to deserve it?”

What if I jump through the page and curb stomp him

She stared at him without entirely seeing him as the ash-gray sky turned into the bleakness of Endovier, and the hiss of the wind became the sighing of slaves. No, it's actually so devastating, what happened to sjm?? This is such good writing.

The next day at practice, one of the competitors tries to run. Got killed instantly by the guards. So at least the castle security aren't chumps.

Again Celaena makes it clear that her escape attempt at Endovier was a suicide attempt. During her chat with Chaol the previous day would have been a better time to first reveal this. They also talk about a woman in the mines who was raped and murdered. Chaol asks if anyone tried to hurt Celaena in the same way

She says she would have killed anyone that tried. But a part of her wonders if Arobynn had paid for her "safety"

I think revealing the escape attempt was actually a suicide attempt would have tied all this together better:

Celaena sees what happened to that woman, she thinks about why no one has come for her yet and realises 2 things: 1) they eventually will come for her, maybe not a slave but a high up guard even and 2) if it is Arobynn keeping her "safe" it's not because he cares about her life but about her body

And then when she snaps, all of this leads her to the attempted suicide.

Dying—rather than playing in the king’s game—was the only choice left to him.

Chapter 17

The Queen and the Crown Prince are hosting a ball or a banquet, or something.

What had his father been thinking when he decided to host this contest? Dorian is asking the real questions.

The queen doesn't know about the competition and the criminals living in the castle? Divorce your husband, ma'am

...she was swathed in yards of forest-green velvet and floating scarves and shawls of gold, and her crown upheld a sparkling veil...

...he was wearing an outfit of his mother’s choosing, sent to him this morning: a vest of dark bluish-green velvet, with almost ridiculously billowy white sleeves bursting from the blue-and-white-striped shoulders. The pants, mercifully, were light gray, though his chestnut suede boots looked too new for masculine pride.

The Havilliards are dripped out.

Rhysand is somewhere crying, still wearing black on black when it's not Illyrian Leather Wednesdays

I like Queen Georgina.

She's worried Dorian frowns too much, he smiles apologetically, they talk about letters Hollin has sent from school - Hollin is naughty and hates school, Dorian was always well behaved - and she tells Dorian he needs to start thinking about marriage.

Do you wish to become king and die without an heir so Hollin can take the throne?” He didn’t answer. “I thought so.” lmao

This moment that hints towards Georgina being racist doesn't quite fit for me. There's something weird about how sjm is handling Eyllwe but that needs to be its own post.

Georgina is right. Dorian should marry Nehemia. (Again, if there's a fic, I need it)

But his father never did anything without a reason—and from the few words he’d exchanged with Nehemia, he couldn’t help but wonder if she had her own motivations in coming here, too.

???????????????????????

Dorian himself is a rebel who told his father to his face that he doesn't want to rule conquered kingdoms but we're supposed to believe he's suspicious of Nehemia because she's rumoured to side with the rebels and wanted to shut down a labour camp??

Dorian agrees with the second bit not because it's slave labour but because he saw "the horrors Endovier inflicted on Celaena Sardothien's body" ????

Celaena hates the kingdom of Ardalan and it's king because he is actively committing genocide but she's glad the people of the White Fang Mountains were oppressed to the point the women and children took their own lives rather than be captured... Because then Chaol - who is in Rifthold and not Anielle AND already gave up his lordship, so actually completely removed from the situation - wouldn't have to fight someone like Cain???

The answer is no. I refuse

“It’s a pity that Lady Kaltain has an agreement with Duke Perrington,” his mother went on. “She’s such a beautiful girl—and so polite. Perhaps she has a sister.”

I literally told y'all: Kaltain Rompier is hot af.

Sarah J Maas make a woman an antagonist without implying she's hypersexual or a sexual abuser challenge: failed.

I wouldn't be bothered or inclined to ignore something like that but it's 3 for 3 and men are never held to the same standard so just like sjm and her stans I'm gonna ignore what I wanna ignore. Sue me.

I like Dorian but SJM will not convince me to sympathise with a man - a prince of an empire, mind you - because he's bored of his nice life.

The idea that Dorian is dissatisfied and feels trapped by his position in life could and should have been conveyed better than that.

Some nobles started dancing, weaving in and out among each other. Many were his age, but he somehow felt as if there existed a vast distance between them. He didn’t feel older, nor did he feel any wiser, but rather he felt . . . He felt . . . He felt as if there were something inside him that didn’t fit in with their merriment, with their willing ignorance of the world outside the castle. It went beyond his title.

This is better.

I hate when authors write nobles or royals who are so surprised and offended at the idea of marriages arranged for power or the producing of heirs. Be serious for a moment, I'm begging you, you are making your character look insane.

Especially since it seems like Dorian has slept with many of these women before. He feels they are good enough to fuck but they aren't good enough to be his wife?? As if they themselves aren't nobles?? Jail.

This immediately makes him look like not just a misogynistic pos - which can maybe excused within the narrative context - it makes him look like a pompous brat, which clashes severely with his "actually smart and rebellious Prince wearing the mask of a flirty brat"

Dorian leaves the ball, restless and comes across Celaena training but...

There she was. Her golden hair shone as she wove in and out of a knot of three guards, her sword little more than a steel extension of her hand. She didn’t balk at the guards as she dodged and twirled around them. Someone began clapping to the left, and the four dueling figures stopped, panting. Dorian watched a grin spread across the assassin’s face as she beheld the source. The sheen of sweat illuminated her high cheekbones, and her blue eyes sparkled. Yes, she was truly lovely. But— Princess Nehemia approached, clapping. She was clad not in her usual white gown, but rather in a dark tunic and loose trousers, and she clutched an ornately carved wooden staff in one hand. The princess clasped the assassin on the shoulder, and said something to the girl that made her laugh.

Nehemia x Celaena >>>>

If Celaena really is sjm's self insert, she had to have had a crush on a girl around this time

Dorian: omg this assassin can't be alone with the Princess! I must intervene.

The Assassin and the Princess: 🤨🙄😒 ummm, we're literally in the middle of something, please leave?

She shrugged and made to turn away. Irritated, but slightly curious, he grabbed her arm. Her turquoise eyes glittered as she stared at his hand, and his heart quickened when her gaze rose to his face. Yes, sweaty as she was, she was beautiful.

"Aren’t you afraid of me?” She glanced at his sword belt. “Or are you as deft at handling your sword as Captain Westfall?” He stepped closer, tightening his grip. “Better,” he whispered in her ear. There: she was blushing and blinking.

I get what's happening but I still feel more for her interactions with Nehemia and Chaol.

“It simply can’t happen. She’s here to learn our customs, not to spar.”

“She’s a princess. She can do what she likes.”

Yea. I really like Celaena. Dorian is down 15 points.

Dorian and Nehemia sparing is unexpected but okay.

I get why this is happening and if the core 4 were our main characters throughout the series I wouldn't mind but I wish SJM had grown out of having every character be able to physically fight.

Chaol and Celaena being fighters make sense, Dorian and Nehemia being able to weapon play to some extent makes sense as well but I want there to be a clearer distinction between the warriors and the politicians.

Chapter 18

Celaena smiled as she watched the Crown Prince of Adarlan lead the Princess of Eyllwe through the basic steps of fencing.

Consider: polyamory

Ah, the first mention of Sam, Celaena's old assassin boyfriend I think. Everyone and their mom is sad about Sam.

Princess Nehemia lunged, slapping Dorian on the wrist with her sword. Celaena bit down her laughter. He grimaced and rubbed the sore joint, but then smiled as the princess began gloating. Damn him for being so handsome! She leaned against the wall and would have enjoyed the lesson had someone not grabbed her arm hard enough to hurt. “What is this?” Dragged from the wall, she found herself facing Chaol. “What is what?” “What is Dorian doing with her?” She shrugged. “Sparring?” “And why are they sparring?” “Because he volunteered to teach her how to fight?” Chaol practically shoved her from him as he approached the pair. They stopped, and Dorian followed Chaol to a corner. They spoke quickly—angrily—before Chaol came back to Celaena. “The guards will take you to your chambers.”

Excuse you?? Rude as hell.

“That’s absurd!” she cried, and a pinch from Chaol kept her voice down. not to bring irl problems into it but on a serious note, sometimes I really worry about Sarah Janet. Pinching, as a sort of warning or punishment for "acting out" is actually one of the most common precursors of domestic violence.

I'm not saying Chaol is abusive or anything. This story obviously stands alone and has morality which is constructed with its context in mind. But Sarah never stops including serious but subtle signs of domestic violence in her romances - even the ones she herself believes to be best. I'm not talking about forcing someone to hike until they collapse or keeping personal information from them or even lashing out in anger - small things like following up disparaging language with assurances of love, pinching, being overly nice to everyone else but telling one person they have to act a certain way to earn that same level of affection etc the little things slip through the cracks and poison the minds of impressionable people

Celaena brings up her vomiting and the damage to her body. Very well done.

Anyways Celaena and Chaol argue and he orders her back to her room. The second Test is coming up the next day.

----------

The familiar cracks are starting to show - sjm will build up her characters to be a certain way then betray their characterisation through hypocritical thoughts or actions. She does this to try to show the reader that the character is changing how they think for the sake of the love interest but we're two weeks and less than 20 chapters in. It just makes the characters look flaky.

Overall I'm still riding the high of it being so much better than acotar

Chaol and Dorian are both down points

Nehemia and Celaena are precious darlings

Queen Georgina Havilliard is a legend. I love moms being moms.

[youdontknowhowtodiequietly]

This is mad long, bare with, or don't lmao

TW's for: References to depression, r*pe, a*use towards women, and a bunch of other women rights related issues. I don't go in depth, but they are very much there. Be careful. Look after your mental health, please. Also a smidgen of spoilers for the Barbie movie at the end.

So, this whole tangent began with the Barbie movie. I've wrote all my thoughts down in a notebook, that's how I know what I'm going to type - vaguely. This will seem insane to have come from the Barbie movie, but I think it will hopefully be coherent. (Not like anyone will read this, lol. I am NOT anywhere near popular enough for this to even get a comment but here we go)

Right. A bit of context to my life. Since I was about 14, I have always felt that I am some sort of trans. For a while I thought I was non-binary, then I thought I was gender-fluid, then (a recent development) I thought I was a guy. So, you can imagine the absolute loop I have been thrown through when I realised that what I might have been feeling is internalised, borderline, misogyny.

Wild right? Let me explain.

Since I was 11, I have repeatedly heard the horrors of being female in this world. The rape/murders that happen on a daily basis. The horrors towards women in the past. The continued disregard for female autonomy. The abuse faced at the hands of people who are supposed to protect us. It's all horrific. Not only this, but I have seen, heard, learnt, about the way society completely destroys women. The lack of acknowledgement for the pain of females', the constant dismissal of mental illnesses, physical illnesses and disabilities (this also happens with males, too, I am aware, especially in the mental health department, but this section of this post is about people with the female anatomy.) The blatant disregard towards women who report abusive partners or stalkers is disgusting. (And that is just in 1st World countries where human rights are supposed to be the best. The horrors that happen in other countries are worse, but I am writing about what I know. I cannot say anything about other countries other than I know that there are some truly atrocious things happening to women in a lot of them because I am not educated on those situations. But believe me, I see it.) I see people AFAB lament the horrors of having the female anatomy. The wish to not have periods, or a uterus at all. The constant pressure put on women to look a certain way all the time. To not be too thin or too fat, not have too much hair but have enough that it doesn't look like you're trying too hard, etc. Honestly, the Gloria speech in Barbie is the best one I have ever heard about what it's like to be a woman. I see people expressing disgust at pregnancies, how they never wish to have one because it'll make them look ugly, or because of the complications that come with it. I have seen it, and do see it, all. For the past 7 years I have seen it all.

Can you imagine how much that has f-ed me up? I'm sure you can, because I'm sure it's also true for a lot of you.

All of this has made me hate the idea of being a woman.

When I was in my early years of high school (I'm in the UK and we start high school at 11 and finish at 16) I always said how I would "love to be a boy" because I always saw it as easier. I hated being a girl because everything was so shit. And that carried on into my later years of high school.

As I was introduced to the wonderful different gender identities that exist, I began reading and hearing stories of how trans/non-binary/gender-fluid, etc, people felt before they realised they were what they are. And I thought, "oh, damn. That me." So I began experimenting with labels. But even whilst I did that, whilst I played around with pronouns, names, hairstyles, clothing, I always felt this deep want to wear pretty dresses and have long hair. But I rejected those wants because I was "trans/non-binary/gender-fluid now and if I want those things then I can't be any of those." Which, yes, I know, is very binary of me. I understand that anyone can wear pretty dresses and skirts and have ling, flowy hair that they place sparkly pins in. I know. But you have to understand how damn difficult it is to ignore the stuff you have been taught all your life. I wanted to be called she/her but at the same time rejected those feelings because the thought of being a woman made me sick.

But then I watched the Barbie movie.

Now, I don't remember my childhood much. I don't know if it was what you would call "traditional girlhood." But I know it was good. And I know many AFAB have experienced horrendous childhoods, which hurts me to think about every time. But when I saw the ending of the Barbie movie. When the videos of those girls and women were playing. I felt something in me. I'm sure you've all heard different renditions of how the montage made women feel, and a lot of them is how I would describe how I felt. So, I won't get into it. But just know I felt a shift in me.

As well as that montage, other things in the movie got to me. The inherent femininity of it, for one. I know from discussions with other people, and from seeing many videos/blogs online, that what I'm going to mention is a common experience for a lot of AFAB. I hated the colour pink. Despised it. I only very very recently, before the Barbie movie, began admitting that the colour wasn't so bad. But the Barbie movie made me think that, omg, I might actually love the colour. Alongside the colour pink, I loved the outfits of the Barbies'. They were so freeing to see. As I wrote previously, I wanted to wear pretty skirts and dresses and have pretty hairstyles, but always refused to acknowledge that. Seeing the Barbies' in their overtly feminine clothing (again, I know I'm leaning into gender binary but please give me some slack. It's hard to write when you're not a novelist) made me feel giddy. I saw them and was like "pretty pretty pretty" and not just because all the women were beautiful lmao. It lit up a spark of joy in me seeing them dress in those clothes. That's how I can best describe my feelings. I just suddenly felt that I could wear those things. Weird, huh?

Another thing in the movie is the portrayal of happy older women.

This again links with the video montage, but also links with the old lady at the beginning of the movie saying she knows she's beautiful, with Ruth Handler being so gentle with Stereotypical Barbie and not ridiculing her for being stupid or naive. It also links with Gloria. I freaking loved Gloria. All of these portrayals made me so happy because it gave me a sudden sense of hope that I will be okay one day.

As someone with severe depression and probably autism/ADHD, who doesn't remember not being depressed, that really spoke to me. These women were happy. They were okay with themselves. No, the LOVED themselves. It was beautiful.

This movie healed me, just a bit, and let me make the first real steps to healing fully. I'm still not 100% sure about my gender identity, but tbh I don't quite care. I'm starting to wear makeup often, starting to take care of my body better. I also bought a cute little Stitch dress lmao, and a white, frilly tank-top with purple flowers on it. I'm embracing my feminine side and I've never felt more free.

It's a wonderful feeling. I'm surprised myself that this all came from a Barbie movie. But, at the same time, I think I was beginning to realise this about myself before the movie. Having finished college and not needing to worry about Uni as I'm not going has given me the freedom to actually look at myself, internally, and ask "what do I feel?" Again, linking back to the Barbie movie when Ruth says, "Take my hands...Now, feel." And I have done. I've asked what my brain needs, and it's full of pretty dresses and pretty hairstyles and warmth and a want to live again.

I'm aware that this may seem silly to a lot of people. Maybe even childish. But I don't care. And that's a lot for an 18 year old to say, because many people my age, and older, do care. A lot.

This has just been an introspection, but I chose to share it because maybe it will help other people.

(Also, heavy disclaimer if you got this far. I don't know what terms are still used now, or how they're used. And writing about girl/womanhood and femininity whilst also trying to be inclusive to those who have the female anatomy but don't identify as a woman, and those who don't have the female anatomy but identify as women is very difficult. So, I deeply apologise if I used the term AFAB wrong, or if it is no longer an accepted term. Also, if anything else in this post is wrong/offensive or incorrect, again I'm sorry. Please let me know what is wrong and how to fix it and I will do my best to edit this post with the updated terminology/fixes.)

[remdeans]

pre-relationship: 2, 4. general: 4, 7. love: 2, 3, 8. domestic life: 4, 10 ! :>

hii jerome!! thank you for sending an ask, i love seeing your ships :]

PRE-RELATIONSHIP:

2 has been answered here.

4. Who felt romantic feelings first?

When we met it was a crush-turned-friendship kind of thing. Like we're shy around one another and find each other cute but then we become friends and the initial attraction kind of ebbs. But then months pass of us getting to know each other and I'm like dang he's kind of perfect actually I wanna kiss him oh no.

So yeah, me, most likely. It would take Spencer a bit longer to recognize those emotions and accept them, but I see us falling for one another at the same pace. It just takes us a while to do anything about it.

GENERAL:

4. Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

Spencer actually has a lot more experience than me in the romance department, believe it or not. In canon, he literally made out with an actress in a pool in season 1 lol so I definitely wasn't his first kiss. There's not much said about his romantic history pre-show, but I imagine he definitely dated around a little here and there but hadn't had a real long-term relationship before me. And, well, he wasn't my first relationship but he was my first kiss among other things to put it simply.

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

We're both socially awkward, introverted nerds (he's an INTP, whereas I'm an INFP) so it honestly varies. Our job calls for us to start conversations whether they're uncomfortable or not, but if we're paired up in the field he'll usually take initiative at first but he lets me get a word in as well. But really, we function pretty fine in social situations, we can just be a little weird sometimes in ways others might not understand. We both won't hesitate to step in and stand up for each other if it comes to it, though.

However, I'm definitely the one to (maybe not confidently) go up to a server with him if they got his order wrong. If they got my order wrong, I wouldn't want to be a bother, and he's the same way. So we can overcome our social anxiety if it means doing something for the other, if I'm making any sense.

LOVE:

2. What are their primary love languages?

My personal love languages are gift giving (primarily) and physical touch, I think. I absolutely love buying or (especially) making things for my loved ones if I can't afford to spend money. Honestly if I was rich I'd be buying people stuff all the time, and it makes me so happy when people enjoy the thing I made them. I also love giving and receiving hugs, having my hand held, cuddles and the likes, but I can be touch averse at times depending on the person. Spencer is the same way.

I think Spencer's would be quality time (primarily) and physical touch as well. I've noticed through my binge of CM that he's often inviting his friends out to events and stuff. I believe conversations count as quality time, so he'd really appreciate someone who's willing to listen to him go on for as long as he wants and do the same in turn. And despite being a total germophobe, he loves receiving hugs and loving gestures from people he's close to. He's secretly very touch-starved.

3. Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

I do on occasion just because I love watching him try not to smile and roll his eyes at me. We'd probably make stupid Doctor Who references at each other ("Are you a weeping angel? 'Cause I could stare at you all day.")

But Spencer goes all out with his, and I could see him being especially corny on anniversaries or romantic holidays. He even flirts in other languages and leaves me to scramble to try and figure out what the heck he just said to me.

8. Who’s better at comforting the other?

I feel like we can both get kind of panicky and awkward when it comes to comforting people who are upset, but when it comes to it all we really need is someone to be there for us and listen if we need to vent or just hold us if we need to cry. So I don't think either of us would be "better" at it, you know? We just know what to do for each other.

DOMESTIC LIFE:

4 & 10 have been answered ^^