#i have to make a post about this but i genuinely believe that the cruelty present as a theme throughout the entirety of tlou is not always

[bejeweledmp3]

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[ramblings-of-a-chaotic-neutral]

Hello everyone! I wasn't planning on posting a new au idea so soon (since I'm trying to finish up the next chapter of "What to do when an Eldritch God Decides That You're Friend-Shaped" 😅), but this au idea formed while I was watching "The Nightmare Begins" (the season 2 ep where Morgana first discovers her magic and goes to the druids, only to see them slaughtered) and it decided to derail my writing schedule. With some encouragement from the amazing artist and writer @guiltyscarlet, this au was born! I hope you all enjoy!

In this au, Merlin tells Morgana about his own magic during "The Nightmare Begins", so Merlin doesn't send her to the druids for help. He offers to help her learn about her own magic and control it, and she's just so relieved to have someone who understands. Morgana is heartbreakingly scared throughout the entire episode, so having Merlin there to fully support her and offer her genuine help with hiding her powers is life-changing for her. She essentially gets the same wisdom from Merlin as she would have from the druids: that magic is beautiful and not something to fear.

Merlin and Morgana spend the next few months growing closer (much to Arthur's horror, as he interprets it as them being romantically involved). Morgana swiftly gains control over her own powers, and she practices spells with Merlin. Both of them are just so happy to have someone who understands, a friend that they don't have to hide from or fear! They essentially become each other's comfort person.

But despite Merlin's insistence that things will become better once Arthur is king, that they just have to wait and have patience and everything will turn out fine, Morgana isn't so sure. Merlin is her dear friend, but she cannot buy into his "hope for the future and work from the background" mentality. No, Morgana knows that change will only come from action, action that Merlin is too kind, too caring to take. Morgana would never begrudge Merlin for his own kind heart, it is what makes him who he is after all, but she simply cannot show mercy to Uther as Merlin has done.

However, after a few months, Morgause comes to town. While Morgana's nightmares had become much more manageable with Merlin's help, they still hadn't ceased entirely. So, when Morgause gave her the healing bracelet that made them stop completely, Morgana believed that she had found another person like Merlin: someone who understood her and could support her!

So when Morgause sent her a message to meet in the woods, Morgana of course accepted. Now she could have two people to share her gifts with! And even better, Morgause wants to take action against Uther! They can work together to bring about Uther's downfall, and kind, caring magic users like Merlin all over Camelot will be safe from his cruelty and madness! It's perfect... up until the part where Morgause tries to take Camelot by force with a sleeping spell and the knights of Medhir, prepared to kill anyone who stands against her, magic user or not. This, this was not the grand liberation of Camelot that Morgana had been promised!

In the end, Merlin convinces Morgana herself to stand against Morgause and force her to lift the sleeping spell, but when Morgause still begs Morgana to come with her, Morgana tearfully tells Merlin that she appreciates all that he's done for her, but she needs to get away from Camelot, away from Uther. To Morgana, going with Morgause is the only way to save Camelot from Uther, as she could learn from Morgause and focus her attacks on Uther, thereby saving all of the magic users in Camelot, including Merlin himself.

Merlin had risked his life to save her, now she was going to return the favor. This was the only way.

Merlin begs her to reconsider, to at least not go with Morgause of all people, but Morgana won't listen. She has to do this, for all of their sakes. She takes Morgause's hand, and they both disappear.

From there, Morgana and Morgause spend a year travelling around while Morgause trains her in the ways of the Priestesses of the Old Religion. Morgana makes quick progress, and her magic becomes formidable in no time. After a year, Morgana plants herself in the woods to be "discovered" by the knights of Camelot and makes her grand homecoming to Camelot. In contrast to canon, this time when Morgana returns to Camelot, she's genuinely glad to see Merlin again.

After her return, she quickly pulls Merlin aside and, after they spend the evening catching up and expressing how glad they both are that the other is alright after a year apart, Morgana tells Merlin of her plans with Morgause and Cenred, as she doesn't want him to get hurt in the crossfire. Merlin is horrified at the plan, even though Morgana emphasizes that Cenred's soldiers are under strict orders not to harm civilians and to prioritize killing Uther. Merlin, of course, protests her plans, but Morgana shuts him down. Despite their now slightly tense situation, Merlin reiterates his vow that, no matter what, he will never tell a soul about Morgana's magic, and Morgana swears the same to him.

Season three goes much the same way, except Morgana never targets Arthur or Gwen and Merlin never tries to kill Morgana on Kilgharrah's orders. Morgana instead trips on her own, leading to a head injury that Merlin heals with a spell that he forced from Kilgharrah, and the whole "Uther is Morgana's father reveal" happens the same way. This time, Morgana also knows that Merlin went out of his way to save her life with his magic, which only reinforces her belief that Merlin is too kind to do what needs to be done and will get himself killed if Uther is allowed to live.

During Morgana's takeover of Camelot with Morgause's immortal army in the season 3 finale, Morgana doesn't kill civilians and also tries to get Merlin on her side. Her recruitment pitch to Merlin was essentially was something along the lines of "hey, now that I'm in charge, nice magic users like you can be protected! Your kindness inspired me to do this so you and others like you don't have to be afraid anymore! Join me and you can spend the rest of your life using your magic to make flowers bloom and heal people, all of the things you said magic should be used for! :D You just need to ditch Arthur."

And that doesn't reassure Merlin, who's been sold on Arthur's eventual golden reign for years now, one bit. If anything, Merlin feels guilty, as Morgana had taken over Camelot by force and become this hardened version of herself in part because of him.

When Merlin tries to point out how Morgana's takeover and her methods of ruling were scaring people rather than making them feel safer, Morgana used that argument against him, telling Merlin how he could use his kind heart to advise her on ways to make the people of Camelot feel safer and more accepting of magic if he only joined her. Morgana wanted him as one of her chief advisors, right next to Morgause. Morgana already had Morgause to tell her when she needed to be harsher, and now she could have Merlin to tell her when she needed to be softer.

Merlin, however, still rejects her offer, but Morgana isn't surprised. She knows that Merlin's ultimate loyalty lies with Arthur, and once again, she will not begrudge him for that. From there, Merlin manages to escape and meets back up with Arthur, and the round table is formed as per usual. But, before Merlin escaped, Morgana asked him if, after all of this, they could still be friends. Merlin replied that yes, they could.

In this au, Morgause wasn't injured when Merlin struck the cup of life, so Morgana and a healthy Morgause escape together to plot more ways to conquer Camelot, and Merlin still tries to stop them at every turn. While he infuriates Morgause, he and Morgana almost start to see it as a friendly rivalry between the two of them.

I'd imagine that this au has a pretty happy ending, with Arthur and Morgana being able to have a reconciliation or perhaps even bonding over wanting to protect Merlin! Or maybe they have a sibling rivalry to see who can be the better friend to Merlin lol!

And that's all for this au for now! Let me know if you'd like a to see a continuation of this au! A big thank you again to @guiltyscarlet for your support! I'd encourage everyone to go check out their Merlin art!

And, as always, thank you for reading through my ramblings! :D

[davidtennantgenderenvy]

Addressing The Tinhatters: A Statement in Solidarity With @dtmsrpfcringe And Others

I've been active in this fandom for a little over a year, and in my time here I've kept my slate pretty clean. I try not to involve myself in drama and discourse, and when I see something I don't agree with online, most of the time I keep it to myself. I've been aware of the blogs I refer to in this post basically from the onset, but I've stayed quiet, partially to not come across as disrespecting others' opinions and preferences and partially to protect my peace and my own life as a creator. But what started as mostly harmless, if a bit unhinged and delusional, behavior, has turned on some fronts into unimaginable cruelty the likes of which I never imagined this fandom to be capable of. As someone who it seems people in this fandom have come to respect, I think it would be unfair and selfish for me to stay neutral any longer.

Fanfiction has been a genuinely transformative force in my life. It has helped me discover so much about my own relationships to love and desire, and I would never want to tell anyone that it is wrong for any ship to be that source of inspiration for them, including RPF. Nor do I think, as I've said, that it's inherently wrong to have speculative thoughts about David and Michael's sexualities. As someone who has been lucky enough to interact with David several times now, and probably will again, I choose not to do so myself in a public forum out of respect, but curiosity doesn't have to be invasive, and David and Michael being in loving partnerships with women certainly doesn't mean they can't be attracted to other genders too. There's nothing wrong with liking the idea of a relationship between David Tennant and Michael Sheen, or even, really, with believing they might have feelings for each other. If that's all you're doing, this post isn't about you. What I absolutely cannot excuse is the proliferation of hypocritical, nonsensical, and nasty rumors about the women in their lives.

Nothing Georgia Tennant or Anna Lundberg seems to do is ever good enough. Every expression of positivity is curated and phony, anything that could be perceived as negative vile and mean. I see these women attacked on a daily basis as partners, as mothers, as actresses. Georgia is simultaneously presenting a false ideal of a perfect, happy family for her own gains, while somehow at the same time being too irresponsible and incompetent to be a proper parent. Anna, a still young and up and coming actress herself, is expected to perform the ideal of an affectionate partner on social media, is perceived as unsupportive of Michael when she doesn't, when in reality she may simply be trying to make a name for herself in the industry without people solely associating her with the man she loves. Both of these women share in David and Michael's advocacy for marginalized communities, sometimes in different, more or less obvious ways. David and Michael are always brave and sincere, while Anna and Georgia's actions are always self serving and performative, though no evidence is ever given to indicate that the things they post or charities they support are any sort of cover or deflection. Nor are there ever any reasons given for their perceived lack of onscreen talent, other than that they're "boring" or don't have as many jobs as their husbands- never mind that both of them are in an extremely competitive industry and get perfectly respectable amounts of work, especially for mothers of young children. Worst of all, I've seen them accused of things as awful as child abuse and rape, all for the crime of simply being married to the wrong men. It's all so horribly gendered too, David and Michael often referred to as the "men" while Georgia and Anna are reduced to negative stereotypes of nagging, shallow gold diggers. As a fandom populated with so many queer people, many of whom, myself included, have found freedom from gender roles with Michael and David's characters' help, I thought we knew better.

I've been lucky enough to meet both David and Georgia now, and have witnessed firsthand the easy, joyful affection they have for each other when no one of consequence is watching, the way they giddily hold hands on the street and make each other laugh while tenderly looking into each other's eyes even and especially after sixteen years together. Georgia when I met her was incredibly kind, down to earth, and approachable, and my partner, who's met her several times more than I have, gushes about her constantly- how funny, authentic, and intelligent she is, and of course, how much she and David love each other, how they look out for each other and adore each other's flaws and quirks. David of course still gushes about Georgia every chance he gets in speeches and interviews, her strength and brilliance as well as her beauty, and Georgia, while maybe not always as effusive, shows her love for David in plenty of ways, the beautiful candid photos she takes of him, for instance. There's such a soft, painterly tenderness and fondness in them, for the man, not just the dazzling star everyone else gets to see. Her David, gentle, devoted, goofy, aging, melancholy, imperfectly perfect David. Where would we be without Georgia giving us these little glimpses of him? I suspect the same people who deride Georgia's social media presence as try-hard, cringeworthy, artificial, would feel a bit differently if one day they stopped coming.

I can't speak as clearly on behalf of Anna and Michael, but the accounts I've gotten of her and Michael's relationship from eyewitnesses have presented it as no less loving than David and Georgia's, albeit in slightly different ways. Even then, why should I have to? She doesn't owe me anything. I doubt anyone who's made the posts accusing Anna and Georgia of being nasty baby trappers has ever had children. There's no such thing as a perfect mother, and even one child is a massive task. It's normal to not be a shining ray of affection all the time, and Georgia I know more than makes up for it with her fierce love and support for her children in all of their endeavors. Georgia is also a diagnosed neurodivergent woman, and so many of the remarks I see directed at her are clearly discriminatory and often directed at women with her diagnoses. Everyone coos over how charming David is when he shows signs of being AuDHD, but the second his wife does too, she's careless and cold. And don't even get me started on when photos of Michael and David looking anything less than beatifically happy get interpreted as them being miserable due to their wives treating them so poorly. THEY'RE HUMAN BEINGS!!! NEUTRAL FACIAL EXPRESSIONS EXIST!!! WOULD YOU BE A SPARKLING RAY OF SUNSHINE IF YOUR DISNEYLAND RIDE GOT STUCK!!!

I say all this now not even because I think I have any hope of stopping the people in question, but because one of the main fighters on the front of the opposition, @dtmsrpfcringe, has been both a wonderful online friend to me and dealt with even worse abuse than that which gets hurled at Anna and Georgia on the daily. When my blog was briefly overrun by TERFs in light of the Tennant/Badenoch/Sunak drama, Tori was the first person to stand up for me, and as she recieves more vitriol in one day than I've ever experienced in my entire life online, I think I've taken far too long to do the same for her. This woman has dealt with doxing threats, attacks on her character, and most horrific of all, wishes of death upon her and her baby. No one would blame her for stopping, but she has remained steadfast in her mission to call bs where she sees it, and she shouldn't have to do it alone. Tori, I think you are so brave, and I am proud to stand in solidarity with you against the misinformation, meanness, and misogyny that threaten to corrupt this fandom we call home.

Even after all we've been through over the past couple of months, I still believe the Good Omens fandom and David and Michael's individual fandoms to be places of kindness, empathy, and inclusivity. Which is why such cruel behavior (because there's no other word for it) is utterly disappointing and baffling to me. You should be utterly ashamed of yourselves. You're the exact kinds of people David and Michael speak out against on a weekly basis, and I guarantee that if you engage in the kinds of behavior I've highlighted here, they would be disgusted with you. Or maybe they'd simply pity you, because your lives are so empty that you've decided the only way to fill them is to sacrifice the reputations and peace of innocent women on the altar of a relationship that in all likelihood takes place solely in your own heads.

And if you read all this and find you still ship David and Michael, which even I do sometimes, well, there's always polyamory.

I'm sleepy! good night and kindly fuck off! - Lauren

[shakingparadigm]

Seeing all those analysis posts about how Till liked Mizi because she was gentle while not giving the same attention to Ivan because he wasn't... how Ivan might have made Till uncomfortable because he expressed his admiration for Till through violence because he liked how Till had the courage to fight back...

I was wandering if Ivan ever realized that the way he went about showing his feelings wasn't positive for Till and he fucking did. "I wish I had been kinder" he fucking regrets dude, fuck me man.

(This veered wildly off-topic I am so sorry.)

Coming back to this ask after the most recent R6 update is interesting.

I've always wondered why they chose the title Cure in particular. I was expecting a song title along the lines of Star or something abyssal. Then I thought about Till's affiliation with experiments and drugs and the various ways he was hurt. Cure... It also brings to mind how the content for Ivan highlights his "oddness", how he's framed as someone different, almost wrong in a sense. There's something that he lacks, something that he feels the need to fix, to cure.

In the recent ROUND 6 production post, the true meaning is revealed. You're right on a certain level, but as always, it's complicated.

Both Ivan and Till seek a certain type of "healing", maybe to compensate for their pain, their oddness and their loneliness. They wish to be cured of their suffering somehow and they seek the solution in other people.

QMENG states that Till desires a type of healing that Ivan cannot provide, and vice versa.

It goes without saying, pretty common knowledge at this point, but Till is a lot softer under his rebellious front. As someone who's been beat and abused his whole life, it makes sense that that type of love he'd want is something gentler, something stable. It's incredibly obvious in the way he acts towards Mizi. She's so genuine, so bright, untainted by the cruel reality of the world. Till softens around her, since she has only showed him kindness he in turn shows her the sweetest side of himself. He's had nothing stable to cling onto before, so he immediately becomes attached to this idealized version of Mizi. He believes she's the only person who can provide him with what he needs, the only one who can "heal" him.

It's outright stated that Ivan cannot provide that type of "healing" that Till is looking for. Ivan does try, of course. Unfortunately, he lacks something fundamental. Because of this he expresses himself in rather childish ways, which may involve a little cruelty and attention-seeking. A lot of Ivan's actions are muddled by his complicated feelings as well, as its stated that his true emotions and intentions are difficult to grasp. With Till, Ivan wants to save and be saved, hurt and heal him, keep him and set him free. Live for him and die for him. He criticizes Sua on the ethics of self-sacrifice and then goes on to do the same himself. With Ivan, everything contradicts.

He tries desperately to be the cure that Till needs, but due to his incredibly complex nature that "healing" will never be just healing. It may come with more pain and confusion despite his best efforts.

I don't think Till refused to give Ivan attention because he wasn't gentle enough, rather I think it's because everything was so complicated whenever Ivan was involved. Ivan is there for him in his times of need and causes a fair bit of trouble during the rest. He's strange and hard to grasp, but he's familiar. Calling each other "friends" seemed like such an inadequate label because they're simultaneously too close and not close enough. Ivan does wish he was kinder, though. Not only to Till, but to Sua and most likely a few other people as well. There's a lot of aspects in which Ivan wishes he were different, and it's tragic to hear how he deprecates himself in his final moments for it.

There's the second half of QMENG's statement as well, "vice versa". Till cannot provide what Ivan needs either, but Ivan desperately desires it anyway.

Ivan views Till as his cure. He wants to not only "heal" Till, but to be healed by him as well. This desire can be seen in the lyrics of Cure:

Notice my pain

And mend me right now

To quiet my fears

I'll drown in you

(The wish for "healing" is stated.)

In your gaze, where I’m seen

Consume me, yes, me, oh, oh

(Ivan urges Till to "consume" him like medicine, he wishes to be what Till needs.)

Ivan lacks something, and he believes that Till can make up for that lack which is why he's so fascinated by him. If Ivan is a black abyss, Till is a supernova, bringing life to an empty void. Unfortunately, Till is explosive and rather inept at handling his own extreme emotions, which causes him to either lash out violently or retreat further inward and push Ivan away. He's also a thoroughly destructive and hurt individual, seeking his own cure in another form. He cannot provide what Ivan needs.

Both Ivan and Till are incredibly volatile. That's not to say they don't have their gentler sides, but overall they've been doomed from the start. Ultimately it's no fault of theirs, they did what they could with their complicated feelings and fought through their own respective hells.

In the end, Ivan had to come to terms with the fact that he couldn't get the "healing" he needed and could never be what Till needed, either. That's why he finally acted on his impulses and let his complicated feelings win over, resulting in his death. Despite all the heartache, his final thoughts are a statement of gratitude. Truly a tragedy.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

after your post about malleus i finally said to myself “yeah i can’t force myself to pretend like i like any of the dormheads”. not like i hate them, but after their blots were over i felt like nothing in particular has ever changed about them. the only person who made me think yeah he’s a changed guy is vil. i was really surprised when in chapter 6(if it wasn’t the end of 5th? can’t remember) he apologised to the boys, his acceptance of his own mistakes and awful doings made him skyrocket in my mental tier list

[Referencing this post!]

Mmmm, I'm in a similar boat when it comes to the dorm leaders but for my own reasons; I like the vice dorm leaders a lot better simply because I tend to enjoy characters who play "supportive" roles (butler, bodyguard, knight, older sibling, etc.).

I don't know if I agree with the idea that the dorm leaders (well, + Jamil instead of Kalim) didn't change after their OBs. I believe that we miss out on seeing a lot of their development because it happens off-screen and we the players don't spend every waking moment checking up on the OB boys--but they definitely do change. More specifically, right after their OBs and sometimes upon their returns in the subsequent books. Just because we do not personally witness every step of their development doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Let's look at one example with the first dorm leader. After his defeat, Riddle cries and confesses he doesn't care about the silly rules, he just wants to enjoy his time with everyone. During the unbirthday party that follows his OB, Riddle sees some roses that are not entirely red and his peers expect him to lose his temper again. Instead, he laughs and says he can overlook it, then invites everyone to help him paint them properly. Riddle expresses similar restraint with his anger in book 2; he adopts a policy of strictly chastising and then trying to fix the problem instead of immediately collaring rule transgressors. (The exceptions being with, of course, the wrongdoers of book 2, like Leona.) Then, in book 6, we see Riddle struggling with his character change, as he is shown to still heavily rely on absolute rules and laws to govern his actions, and relies on himself to be the judge of them while shunting out others. It's only when he butts heads with Azul that he's able to be a little more flexible and recognize his peers' strengths. This makes sense, because the time period between book 1 and book 6 is only about 6 months; a complete shift in one's character and worldview won't happen that quickly, nor completely. Riddle must have been working on himself a lot and consciously trying to repress his anger--and he's imperfect at it. This is fine!! Character growth can be messy, slow, and non-linear--and this is true of how the dorm leaders change over time.

As for Vil (since he was specifically cited in your ask!), I'm of the opinion that his early book 6 apology was not the result of a character change. Vil was already very mature and self-aware prior to OBing; I think he would have still apologized if he thought something going wrong was genuinely his fault, as he holds himself to high standards and would acknowledge when he has fallen short of them (even in regards to morals). This is implied in his behavior before he overblotted too; in book 5, Vil repeatedly claims he will defeat Neige using his own power, fair and square. When he falls into despair and resorts to dirty methods to take his rival out, VIl is appalled by the "ugliness" of his actions and begs his classmates to "not look at [him]" because "[he's] so ugly" (referring to his ugly character/morals). This means he was aware of the cruelty of his actions and how they poorly reflect on him (ie he would have felt guilty and apologized afterwards about it anyway). Vil typically comes off as harsh, but he's truly noble when it comes to accepting when he has fucked up. I feel the real change in Vil is something that Rook highlights: the importance of loving oneself, regardless of what others may think of you. This development is made more apparent in book 6, which is the follow-up book to Vil's and allows him a time to shine. Whereas in book 5 Vil was obsessed with being a "hero" and public opinion, book 6 Vil declares to Idia "there are no heroes or villains" and that he is still "fairest of them all" (echoing a line Rook says in book 5), even as a withered old man.

I don’t want to ramble on for too long!! If you’re interested in reading about how the dorm leaders (+ Jamil) are grappling with their character arcs following their books, I’d recommend this post. It only goes up to Vil since the analysis is very book 6 heavy. I’d recommend this one for Idia, but be warned it does not take into account book 7 events since it was not out at the time of writing.

[specialagentartemis]

speaking of Rowland, what changed your mind on grimdark stories? You used to post about how much you hated them lol

Hopepunk started to annoy me more lol.

It's been several things. Partially, it's just been years; I've gotten older, read more books, found authors I really really loved writing really bleak really sad really upsetting and really fascinating books.

Partially it's that I don't really believe in the definitions people use about grimdark anymore; the more I read, the more I feel it's a strawman stereotype that barely exists moreso than it's an actual social force in literature.

Partially I do stand by my irritation with a lot of dark and gritty remakes/reboots of mostly A/V media; Star Trek does not need to be a dark and gritty war story, LOTR doesn't need to be sexy, etc. They feel lazy and trend-chasing more than they feel like a genuine creative endeavor. Too often, they can feel like they're jettisoning the aspects that made me like them in an attempt to be more Mature by adding Violence and Swearing and Sex. I stand by that Star Trek Discovery wasn't good, and the fact that it felt like it was embarrassed that it had to be Star Trek when it really wanted to be Game of Thrones in Space was a big part of why.

But honestly that seems to primarily be happening in TV/movies, and it's stopped being nearly the inescapable social force it was 6-10 years ago. The zeitgeist moves on and new trends annoy me. In sci-fi/fantasy books, the movement seems to be in the other direction: hopepunk and cozy. And they have just. been bad books. So many of them have been bad in new and frustrating ways. In the same time period that hopepunk and cozy were on the rise in the sff zeitgeist, I also read books like The Fortunate Fall by Cameron Reed, Ninefox Gambit by Yoon Ha Lee, and The Vanished Birds by Simon Jimenez... heavy and sad and serious and unhappy and with brilliant artistry that feels like it actually has something to say and isn't ignoring how humans actually act by saying "well it wouldn't be a problem if everyone was just nice :)" I read the bleakest, most upsetting, most depressing sci-fi book I've ever encountered, Harmony by Project Itoh, which he wrote while he was in and out of hospitals dying of cancer and it shows. It's unsettling and unnerving and upsetting and different, and you can tell it comes from the heart. Is it grimdark? Maybe, yeah. And it has value as literature, and I got a lot more out of it than I did from a lot of things touting how important they are for being Hopeful and Cozy and Conflict-Free.

Honestly, part of it is my natural plain contrarianism. When making fun, hopeful, funny, campy, or adventure-y things Dark and Gritty and Violent was held up as better and more inherently mature writing, it annoyed me and made me dislike it; now that violence and selfishness and cruelty and pain in stories seems to be considered immature and unnecessary, and rather hope, softness, gentleness, happiness, cheerfulness, conflict-aversion, and harmony are the Morally Correct and Mature ways to write stories, I resent that too. It ends up feeling trend-chasing and reductive, and when bland nothing books are held up as The Most Ethically Correct And Best Writing Because They Are Hopeful, it makes me just as annoyed as when dark and gritty TV is held up as The Most Mature And Serious Prestige Television.

Also, honestly, the world kept getting worse and sometimes I want media that acknowledges that I feel afraid and hurt and angry, and that things aren't all sweet and good and nice actually. It often makes me feel better, more seen, more understood, than media that goes actually everyone is nice and and problems are easy to solve and the world is basically just and people can be trusted to all be mature and good and reasonable. (And if you're ever impatient, or selfish, or snappish, or mean, or insufficiently hopeful... then you don't belong in our utopia. As someone who *gestures above* can be impatient, snappish, and mean... that doesn't make me feel all that hopeful.)

[illegiblewords]

Zodiark's Tempering

A lot of people have been confused about whether the Unsundered were tempered (they were) and how tempering works.

Long post under the cut.

First, I'm going to point at the exact line from Emet-Selch in Shadowbringers: "He tempered us. It was only natural. There is no resisting such power."

I believe this was said in one of the ocular cutscenes, but explicitly in no uncertain terms--the Convocation was tempered. This includes the Unsundered. The tempering was, in fact, so powerful, that even after having their souls cleansed in the Lifestream Convocation members still make 'the best servants' according to Emet-Selch.

Zodiark was not only the first primal, but a primal on a scale beyond fathoming. This was half a star's worth of souls, billions of people. I'd argue that we also see what this tempering looks like in practice with Emet-Selch at The Ladder scene in Kholusia, where he is genuinely moved and expresses admiration of both the Warrior of Light and the people of Kholusia coming together only to be railroaded back to 'but the world as it was was better'.

That was not a natural thought pattern. That was tempering. We see further evidence in how Emet-Selch tried repeatedly to live alongside The Sundered and had only the most negative qualities amplified--preventing him from ever finding peace. Hell, it shows in his argument that the qualities of a soul diminish with sundering too. For one, the default quality in a person isn't positive. He frames things in terms of other shards becoming proportionally less intelligent for example, or less kind--but arguably cruelty should have been diminished as well. The civilizations and inhabitants of other shards are also, notably, not at a huge personally/intellectually different framework compared to The Source--where souls are more dense and would (by Hades' argument) have been more advanced and capable.

What we actually know of unsundered versus souls mechanically is that they are more aetherically dense. Being more aetherically dense, it takes more dynamis to influence them. The ancients still feel absolutely and are vulnerable to Meteion, but the sundered are probably a bit more reactive on the whole. It might also be like an inertia situation where once an unsundered starts to feel something it tends to continue and build. That's speculation though.

Zodiark's tempering appears to be closer to magically enforced mental illness in the sense that it warps thought patterns, elevates some tendencies and minimizes/negates others, prevents certain ideas, twists perception, keeps some memories or experiences at the forefront while diminishing or losing others, etc. Psychological wounds that are useful to the mission are kept open artificially well past the point someone would have naturally started to scar over. There is a reason I've been arguing that it's closer to coercion and insanity plea in terms of diminished responsibility. The tempered aren't even able to accurately understand the situations they are in due to thought warping, and claims that their position is reasonable amounts to a completely psychotic person claiming not to be crazy. It's not as simple as mind control from an external source. It's that the person's own thoughts and tendencies are manipulated in unnatural ways to form a cage forcing them into compliance with the primal's mission.

I'd argue it's also very suspect that Elidibus, the lunar shades, and (IIRC) the despairing post-Terminus ancients Venat encountered all separately repeat the exact phrase wishing for 'a world free from sorrow'. Lahabrea explicitly referring to Zodiark as 'the master' at Praetorium strongly indicates tempering too.

A major source of confusion stems from the following scene:

Creation magics are complex and highly sensitive, requiring a tremendous amount of focus. A single moment of distraction can change the outcome of creation. Hades creating his phantom Amaurot having an idle thought 'Hythlodaeus would know the truth' is enough to make the shade of Hythlodaeus aware, even if it wasn't on purpose. Even if it was a split second.

Zodiark was a creation that involved not only the sacrifice of half a star (so likely billions of people)--it also involved the active participation and focus of those people in the summoning process. We know from the environmental storytelling and evidence at Akademia Anyder that I cited in other analysis that Lahabrea was the mind behind the Zodiark concept. We know that the scale of the creation was enormous to the point that it would not function without elevating one individual to steer it--the Heart. This being Elidibus. But the actual summoning was still extremely complex and on a vast scale involving multitudes of people at different skill levels. Hythlodaeus, while experienced as Chief of the Bureau of the Architect, has very limited abilities in creation himself due to aether deficiency. He still sacrificed himself as one of the participants in Zodiark's summoning ritual.

Faith was necessary to simplify the process across that many people of varying life experiences and skill levels. The Convocation would have been handling the more technical elements and forms the concept would take, and guess who was at the head of the Convocation's efforts?

Lahabrea. Who has recently failed to contain Archaeotania despite his people's every faith in him, who we know to be extremely traumatized and has every reason to be terrified not only of the situation but of not performing up to the expectations placed on him. For god's sake, one of the last things Athena said to him involved calling him disappointing after getting full access to his soul.

A single moment of Lahabrea being afraid and hoping everyone would be able to join together to save the star, to be on the same page, would be enough to cause tempering. He's not perfect, but he's been expected to be. He's expected to have perfect composure, impervious to normal human emotions. And of course emotions bled through at a time like that.

The same hope that others would join in to support the mission has bled into every subsequent primal summoning where tempering became a problem.

Venat's summoning technique is different from the summoning technique used by the Ascians. It's also different from the technique used by the Loporrits. Venat used standard creation magic without elevating faith as a tool. She had less people to worry about. The loporrits decided faith would be a useful tool for The Ragnarok insofar as the primals could help fuel its journey, but going off of pure faith rather than the hybrid of faith and strict procedure is dangerous. So they combined the two in a controlled environment knowing the risks.

What Livingway is saying is that using the hybrid technique that is being employed for the first time in that scene, a primal as powerful as Zodiark would cause a slight tug instead of the full force of tempering. Normally there isn't any sense of influence at all with that technique. Zodiark is on a scale and at such a monumental power level that even the safe method would try to influence its summoners along with any bystanders. Zodiark has the most powerful tempering of any primal that has ever existed.

I also want to take a moment to point at what primals are and how they work as distinct from standard creations.

When discussing creations, the shades at Hades' phantom Amaurot mention that souls are gifts from the star and cannot be artificially created. This is part of why Hermes claimed to be so distraught about the way concepts were being handled--there wasn't any accounting for dynamis as a factor.

Livingway mentions that Venat forbade loporrits from making anything possessed of a soul (impossible) or similar.

Here I'm going to point you back to the lecture from the ARR quest What Little Gods Are Made Of:

Primals, brought into being with faith rather than as pure technical concepts, have something like a soul. They are archetypes shared by the living and when they are slain, they aren't destroyed because archetypes can't be destroyed. They return to the aetherial sea, like souls, until they are called forth again. These archetypes reflect common human experiences and desires shared across many, many people. It makes sense that Zodiark would be built off of this premise in the first place as a way of creating common ground with that many participants.

It also makes some sense that something resembling a soul is advantageous, since logistically in FFXIV souls are sources of power in their own right. Thordan, Nidhogg, Shinryu, and The Alexandrians can attest to that.

I understand that there are people who prefer not to use tempering as a key factor in characterization of The Unsundered, and disregard tempering from their headcanons. Obviously this is allowed, but it's not canon. The game is explicit on this point and underlines it multiple times in multiple ways. Hades when told about what lies ahead is completely horrified and does not want to go down the path the Warrior describes--not just for his own sake but because he morally disagrees with it. His line about staying true to his principles at Ultima Thule is deliberately ambiguous--is he referring to pursuit of the Ardor? Trying to save his people? Trying to resist tempering as best he could despite being helpless against it? Giving the Warrior of Light an opportunity to mercy kill him? We don't know.

And regarding the memory of Lahabrea saying he can believe he would get lost trying to save his people to the point of becoming something horrific during Anabaseios... it's very, very important to remember that Lahabrea hates himself. Lahabrea just accepted for years that Erichthonios is better off with the idealized memory of his dead, abusive mother rather than the living father who rescued him. Lahabrea has been ready to commit pseudo-suicide throughout Pandaemonium. His entire Savage transformation design reflects that he thinks the only thing he's good for is being used for his DNA and serving to protect people as Lahabrea. He tries to shield his heart with his wings and the left arm representative of his personal self is long/at a distance, anemic, and basically non-functional due to too many joints. He doesn't want to exist as a person because he hates himself and he expects to be hurt.

And that's before everything to do with The Final Days.

Lahabrea is not a reliable narrator when it comes to questions about whether Lahabrea is a good person. He might be the least reliable source you could find. He is a guilt katamari who is ready to think the worst of himself given the slightest opportunity.

A huge part of what makes Zodiark's tempering interesting is that even if any of the Unsundered are freed, it's difficult to definitively answer the question of whether they might have made the same choices organically. Anything in their heads that might have given them tools to make another choice was taken away. And we know the sundered Convocation members were not tempered when they decided to join The Ardor as Ascians. Fandaniel was able to kill Zodiark because of this.

As it stands though, none of the Unsundered were free. They cannot be judged by the standards of people who are.

I hope this helps clear things up!

[snownorites]

Some disjointed thoughts on Sua and her sister that I had yesterday cause I've seen some people on twt being really adamant that Sua was in the "loved before anakt" category and I don't think that's what the point of Heavenly Garden is personally

For one, I don’t think she's actually looking out for Sua here. (using WhataFruit's translation)

I think her intention was to make Sua feel bad about herself. The word choice is extremely deliberate: "you're so unkempt" "that is unseemly" "you're already dumb enough as it is". That last one is obvious but those first two I think are super important to understanding the kind of competitive environment "being" a doll must have fostered. She's trying to put Sua "in her place" here and make her feel like she doesn't actually deserve any of the favouritism Nigeh gives her because she's "stupid" and can't even play her part properly.

And Sua has every reason to believe what her sister tells her. Outside of her cruelty she's so nice, so gentle, she even plays with her and tickles her. Ofc Sua would assume that she has the best intentions and to me that's the point of why her sister acts that way. It's not about affection or love really, it's something closer to bullying. This way every insult, every instance of belittling however small stays with her and hurts her. Her pity of Sua may be "genuine" but it seems to be more mocking? Saying that she loved Sua to me feels a bit like buying into the performance.

The framing of the comic to me is also very interesting because the contrast between Mizi and Sua's sister is telling us that we need to consider their affects on Sua in relation with each other. Sua did not feel loved before she met Mizi.

Her saying this is supposed to show that her sister was all she ever knew in terms of human connection. "Back then" as in before meeting Mizi.

Sua thinks that her sister was actually the pitiful one all along but something really interesting is that it's not because she finally found self worth or because she knows that her sister was wrong about her being unkempt or "stupid", it goes right back to love. Her sister is pitiful because she didn't know love.

That heavenly garden, Mizi, loving and being loved. If Sua felt love before anakt I don't really see why it'd be framed like this.

And the thing is that love is a super big theme in Alien Stage. You could very well argue that this is just how her sister shows love and since we don't have her pov the way that we do Io's or Ivan's there's absolutely no way to refute that the same way there's no way to prove that. But to me including Sua in the same category as Mizi and now Till feels really disingenuous. Mizi and Till felt loved before anakt and carried forward that love in all their actions. Sua did not and her actions reflect that.

I think that Sua's feelings of self hatred are a pretty important thing to also consider when analysing anything to do with her (and I'll probably have to do a seperate post about that because this is already so fucking long lmao) People don't pay enough attention to this and how a lot of it comes from the bullying she experienced

Before Mizi, Sua was objectified by everyone around her, humans and segyein alike. And maybe her sister was different and we'll see that in another comic but to me heavenly garden's intention is to reinforce that this bullying wasn't just the very overt kind that's shown above. Like with the new Till comic, all the material we get builds onto each other, Heavenly Garden gives context to just how sinister the bullying was.

And I don't say all this to say that people are wrong about her sister potentially loving her, maybe she did, but Sua did not feel loved or experience that love. It's weird that I'm seeing more justification and rationalisation of her sister's behaviour than people actually taking Sua's narrative into consideration and trying to understand how her sister fits into it.

[percheduphere]

LET'S TALK ABOUT MOBIUS'S HEAVY KEYS

I wrote a meta on S1 Mobius here, mostly exploring his interrogation persona and emotional trajectory toward S1E6. I also have a fun little list on all the things I love about him here.

@mitromana posted about how we should talk about Mobius's sass and even cruelty more. @wowwwmobius posted how Mobius realistically would not be doing well post-S2E6 (I wholeheartedly agree), and they and @inwantofamuse shared amazing comments. All of this inspired this meta.

Thank you @mitromana @wowwwmobius @inwantofamuse!

Mobius's interrogation scenes are him at his most cruel and ruthless. The flipside of being a highly empathetic person is that it is very VERY easy to use this skill in highly abusive, cunning, and powerful ways. This is especially true if the person armed with this skill is exceptionally intelligent and is convinced their motivations are good. At the TVA, before Loki's exposure of the truth, Mobius is both of these things. Worse, he has access to the TVA's more ethically unconscionable technology, which he does not hesitate to use.

The road to evil is paved with good intentions. Mobius strolls onto this road more than once, but he manages to not stay on it because two people curb this risk: Loki and, yes, Sylvie.

Take in Loki's words and posture in this scene. The words alone are a frail and weak comeback for a silver-tongue God of lies. They do nothing but reveal Loki is in FACT scared. His arms are crossed tightly over his abdomen, a primal protective response. He's leaned as far away from Mobius as possible. This is the best Loki can come up with in the face of a boring man in a boring suit, really?

You can see why Mobius was moved into the position of Analyst from Hunter. He may not be able to prune children, but he can literally bring a God like Loki to the ground, breathless, confused, and frightened, with nothing more than WORDS. And this is with a variant Mobius likes. Imagine what he can do to a variant he hates.

For HWR and Ravonna's purposes, Mobius is the perfect weapon to get whatever they want out of whatever variant they capture before sending them off to get pruned. How do they keep him from questioning anything?

Memory-wiping (more than once), brainwashing, propaganda, and:

A little something for Mobius's identity, something that fulfills his intrinsic need to take care of others while also gently stroking his ego.

Yes, the genocide of multiple timelines over the span of eons is horrifying. But Mobius is capable of being complicit with it as long as his environment feeds his intrinsic psychological and emotional needs. The people on the Sacred Timeline become his new children, and he will do anything ANYTHING to protect them.

There was one thing HWR and Ravonna didn't anticipate: that this man's empathy for a specific Loki would be the very thing that liberates the multiverse and his own bondage from a corrupt bureaucracy.

However...

I don't believe Mobius ever anticipated becoming emotionally compromised when he advocated on Loki's behalf. He likely genuinely believed that after centuries of studying Loki, he knew him well enough to make him useful for the TVA. But the subconscious, oh. That is a different story, and in Loki's own words, Mobius has a gift for lying to himself.

I discuss the interrogation scene and Sif loop scene in depth here, so I won't repeat myself, but I'd like to draw our attention to the 2 gifs below, framing my analysis:

Imagine where Mobius's mind must be at:

I spent centuries studying you and believing in you. I waited more centuries for your nexus event to come. I tasked every hunter to inform me of your arrival immediately, no matter what I was doing, no matter where I was. I abandoned a case. I ran to your trial. I put my job, reputation, and eons-long friendship with Ravonna on the line. I tested your theory. I brought you with me on the field. You talked to me. You challenged me. You made me proud. You made me laugh.

I gave you daggers and you stabbed me. You STABBED me. When all I wanted to give you was--

Mobius cracked hard and fast. Applaud Owen Wilson for THIS interpretation of the script and THIS delivery.

Thankfully, the very person who put Mobius in this fragile state of mind is also the person Mobius deeply wants to believe in. Even after being betrayed, Mobius still wants to believe in Loki and his capacity to be a wonderful person. And so he looks at Ravonna's TemPad, decides Loki deserves to be with whoever he wants to be with (even if that person will never be Mobius himself), frees Loki to help him save the woman he loves, and gets pruned for it.

Mobius survives thanks to plot-armor. And who is the first person he meets?

The bane of his existence.

And Sylvie wastes no time driving a knife into a very fresh wound. Mobius, however, only recently unleashed all his rage. His reservoir for compartamentalizing has refreshed, so he can take Sylvie's truth bravely, without a flinch, and acknowledge that truth with one of his own.

Mobius owns it. He doesn't deny it. He tacitly agrees with her and gives her a reason why.

We should remember how dangerous Mobius can be. He is currently sitting in a car with the variant he is most likely to hate. Sylvie is strong, clever, and resilient, but her ability to regulate her emotions is weak, especially if she is triggered. Mobius can destroy her very easily with his words.

But Mobius can't hate her. He can't. She was right and he was wrong, but most importantly Loki loves her.

He won't hurt the person Loki loves most. No. He will take her to him instead. He can stomach the pain, the disappointment. He's good at that. Loki's well-being, his happiness, comes first.

In fact, Mobius stomachs Sylvie's knife twists a second time and chooses not to defend himself. I don't doubt a large part of him agrees with her. Nevertheless, he can't help but hope Loki might stand up for him in that moment. He tries, and fails, to make light of it by rolling his eyes and turning to his friend. When Loki leaves him not explaining why, his true feelings about this interaction surfaces on his face.

Aren't you going to say anything?

The saddest thing is that this is the LAST intimate moment THIS Mobius has with Loki before Loki crosses the gangway and never returns. This is it. This is what he's left with: the thought Loki didn't care enough to defend him and Loki leaving.

HE doesn't get to hear that he's just trying to see in the dark and is doing everything he can to keep the surviving timelines alive. SYLVIE does.

HE doesn't get to hear Loki tell him he saved his life. DON does.

HE doesn't get the final goodbye and "thank you, Mobius", his PAST SELF does. And if Mobius happens to remember this moment in the present, he will know that he was the one who propelled Loki to bear this massive burden ALONE.

My worry for Mobius post-S2E6 is that he is more than talented at ignoring his own needs and addressing his own problems. He is infinitely better--a master, even--at taking care of anyone else. It's a devastating flaw, but it comes from a very raw place:

His heart, his soul, will always remember being a single parent.

Being a parent at all is hard to begin with. There are only so many hours in a day, and the majority of it is devoted to putting someone else's needs before your own. Being a single parent is even harder. You might have a few people to help you, but ultimately, there's no partner to share every high and low intimately. To be a single parent of not one but TWO children?

Game over.

Some viewers have interpreted Don ignoring his sons' phone calls at work as negligent. Honestly, I don't think that's the case. He will call them back. Don is Mobius and Mobius is Don. He will take care of them. But refusing every beck and call at work is the only personal boundary he has. He cannot have many boundaries for himself at home or anywhere else. He has to decline not one but two calls for his own sanity. Nevermind that he works Monday through Saturday, nine to five, to make enough money to keep them healthy and happy. Where is the break? There is none. This is Don's glorious purpose.

Mobius leaving the TVA is understandable for two crucial reasons: One, it is a reminder of all his horrifying acts and complicity. Two, it is a reminder Loki is no longer there. But by leaving the TVA, Mobius separates himself from his only support system. That's not good. That is decidely unhealthy. The fact that it doesn't cross B-15, Casey, or OB's minds that this is a very bad idea tells you everything you need to know about the number of genuinely close friends Mobius has.

Mobius has two. He walked away from one to be with the second, and the second walked away from him, too. TWICE.

But he still loves him anyway.

When you take a man like this and take away everything that's kept him functional: the TVA, Ravonna, Loki, and then show him a content life in which he cannot even be with his own children because another version of him already exists, what do you think will happen to him given we've seen how violently Mobius can snap?

And guess what: only one person has ever seen Mobius snap on more than one occasion. Only one person understands the triggers and how to handle them. I'll give you three guesses as to who it is.

Mobius "has a happy ending" is absolute bullshit. He is at risk.

[dee-writes-angst]

What Once Crumbled, Will Be Rebuilt Ten Times Stronger

SUMMARY Tenko Shimera was your best friend, the fire in his eyes fueling your days, until he was gone.

CONTENT WARNINGS death, depictions of homeless children, mentions of abuse, loss, and grief. For the sake of the series (and my conscience), all characters are aged up while still following the plot of MHA. In other words, think of UA as a college rather a high school.

AUTHORS NOTE my love for My Hero Academia is something that I have kept carefully hidden from this platform considering the amount of toxicity surrounding the fandom, but this story idea has swept me up and I really want to share it with you guys. So, I have decided to say fuck it and post it. Happy new series, my darlings! I hope you’ll stick around and get swept up with me.

SERIES MASTERLIST

You had known Tenko Shimura since you were a child, a bond that had grown unbreakable over the years. He was your childhood best friend, the quiet and reserved boy who seemed out of place among the more boisterous children. Yet, beneath that calm exterior, you saw a fire in him, a burning intensity that mirrored your own. His fire was one of hate and anger, a raging storm that contrasted sharply with the deep, unsettling fear that fueled your own ambitions.

Despite his quiet demeanor, Tenko had a unique ability to reassure you. In his presence, you found a strange sense of comfort, as if his anger could temporarily quell your fears. Those moments, fleeting as they were, provided a brief respite from the anxieties that plagued you. Yet, no matter how comforting those moments were, they always ended the same way: Tenko being dragged back home, leaving you to face your fears alone. 

Your memories of those warm summer days are vivid, filled with dreams and schemes of a brighter future. You and Tenko would sit for hours, plotting and fantasizing about the day you both might become heroes. You envisioned yourselves changing the world, making a real impact. Those dreams were your escape, a shared vision that kept you both going through the challenges of your childhood. 

In those days, the world was a place of infinite possibilities. The future was a canvas, and you and Tenko were determined to paint it with your dreams. You believed that together, you could overcome anything, that your combined strength and resolve would be enough to conquer any obstacle. The bond you shared was more than just friendship; it was a partnership forged in the fires of ambition and fueled by the desire to make a difference. 

As you both grew older, Tenko’s fire only grew brighter and harsher. He renounced the world that caused him so much torment and pain, his dreams slowly shifting from idealistic visions of change to fantasies of destruction. Tenko wanted to burn everything down and revel in the screams of suffering, his anger turning into a desire for vengeance against a world that had wronged him. 

Your path, however, took a different turn. Despite the hardships you faced, you clung to your dreams, even on those cold nights spent sleeping on benches in parks or hidden behind disgusting dumpsters in alleyways. In the shadows of the city, you found strength in your vulnerability. Every harsh experience, every cold night, and every moment of loneliness forged you into someone determined to make a difference. You saw the world’s cruelty firsthand and vowed to fight against it, not by destroying it, but by changing it from within.

Comfort was a foreign concept to you. You had never felt the gentle caress of a mother or heard the deep belly laughter from playing with a father. Your life began in an alleyway that looked like any other dark alleyway in the city—cold, ruthless, and haunting. 

You had met Tenko when he dared to run away from home one fateful day. He found you on a playground bench, shaking you awake with a mixture of curiosity and concern, asking if you were dead. When you confirmed that you were alive, he smiled at you—genuinely smiled—a rare warmth that you hadn’t experienced before. He tugged you off the bench and into the playground, where the bark chips bit into your bare feet. You had outgrown your only shoes years ago, and each step left small streaks of blood behind, but you ignored the pain. 

Tenko was animated, talking excitedly about a game he wanted to play. His energy and enthusiasm were infectious, a stark contrast to the indifference you were used to from others. No one had ever noticed you before; they simply went about their day, oblivious to the child shivering on a park bench. But Tenko saw you. He acknowledged you, pulled you into his world, and gave you a taste of what it felt like to be seen and valued. 

It was that day, amid the bark chips and bleeding feet, that Tenko Shimura became more than just a boy who ran away from home. He became your best friend and your hero. His smile, his warmth, and his willingness to reach out to you forged a bond that would shape your life in ways you couldn't yet comprehend. From that moment on, Tenko was a beacon of hope and companionship in your otherwise harsh and lonely existence. 

Everything had changed one cold night in October. By this time, you and Tenko were inseparable. His itching had worsened over the months, but what truly bothered him wasn’t the itching itself. It was his mother smothering him in cream and offering false sincerities. He had tried many times to get his mother to let you stay after he was found and forced home, but once bruises started appearing on his skin, he refused to ask again. The dark marks marring his soft skin grew more frequent, a silent testament to his hidden suffering. You tried to ask him about it once, but he became very quiet, and his itching grew so intense that he started to bleed. Since then, you assumed he wasn’t ready to share and let it drop. 

It was a particularly harsh night when you lost your best friend. You stayed close to his house, having set up your makeshift home in an alleyway about two blocks away, curled tightly under a thin sleeping bag to ward off the cold. In the middle of the night, a loud crash was quickly followed by the ground shaking beneath you. Despite the maturity you had been forced to develop in your time alone, you were still a child, so you ran to Tenko’s home seeking comfort. But all you found was rubble. The ear-splitting crash and the shaking ground were caused by his home collapsing. Your small hands pushed and pulled at the debris, desperately trying to save your friend, sobbing and heaving as you searched all night long. You were too weak, too young to make any impact on the devastating collapse. 

That night, amidst the tears and cries of agony as you cut your small hands and knees on the rubble, you vowed to become a hero. No matter what it took, you would not allow another person to lose a best friend the way you had. The memory of Tenko, the boy who had seen you, acknowledged you, and become your hero, fueled your determination. His smile, his warmth, and the bond you shared would forever be the driving force behind your quest to make a difference in a world that had taken so much from you. 

[murasaki-cha]

Ok I got this reply about how we actually know so little about Arnold despite how much we've learned about him by @wondering-lazer and I would like to thank them because now I get to rant about this (I tried to reply but there was too much I wanted to say so I'm just making it a post)

Arnold is the most interesting character in the novel for me.

The way he is written is actually so freaking interesting because the story is from Rishe's pov most of the time so even if Arnold is being honest with her we only learn about the things he's willing to tell her. We slowly learn about him (the past with his father and siblings, the truth about his mother) and about his plans (or more like the plans he has for each arc), only because those are the things he decides to be open about with Rishe.

In truth Arnold is still an enigma. We know he loves Rishe it's obvious, but why did he fall for her so quickly because I simply will never believe Arnold can be reduced to the "She's interesting" trope. I am a firm "Arnold remembers the loops" believer so that would make sense but he never interacted much with Rishe in all the past loops so still, him falling for her so fast doesn't make sense. (actually I have a whole other theory about this but I need to finish vol 6 first to see if I learn anything new before I post that)

Also we know Arnold is not a great guy™, like sure he's the best and we love him, and he is genuinely a good guy, but he can be every bit of a villain he claims he is. We still don't know what pushed him to actually stage a coup and kill 7tlhis very evil psychotic maniac of a DNA donor which richly deserved it, but most importantly why he started to stage war in all those different kingdoms.

But he did stage war and he did kill thousands and even now he has show moments of the same kind of cruelty as the Emperor Arnold Hein of the past. Just as Rishe has deemed, we need to find the actual reason why Arnold finally snapped in the past loops to actually fully understand Arnold.

And still there are so many things left unanswered. What are his future goals now that Rishe has intervened? What has he asked Raul to look for in secret and keeping it hidden from Rishe? Does he actually remember the past loops?

There is still so much we have yet to learn about him, the things we know are just the tip of the iceberg and the day we finally get the full Arnold lore is the day I will sleep in peace.

[yomigaere]

Nanami and the dissolving dress incident from episode 3

When I was rewatching this episode recently, it struck me that the dissolving dress incident was actually quite a nasty thing for Nanami to do to Anthy -- and I don't think Nanami understood how nasty it really was.

Rest of the post is under a readmore due to mentioned spoilers for the wider series, mainly with regards to Anthy and the deeply unpleasant things she's been through.

To start, I just want to make it clear that I love Nanami. She's one of my favourite characters, and in actual fact, I'm the kind of fan who's believed for more than a decade (as long as I've been an Utena fan in general) that people shouldn't give her too much shit for things like the kitten incident in her childhood. I'm also happy to see that she gets a lot more love in the fandom nowadays than she used to.

That said, I can't agree with unironic claims (keyword: unironic claims, not jokes) that she never does anything wrong at all. I think it's dismissive of the feelings of the characters she hurts in her more genuinely nasty moments -- and Anthy in this episode is a major case in point here. She clearly was very hurt by this incident, and it honestly tore at my heart a bit to see her shivering and upset while she was on the floor trying to keep herself covered. I also think, all things considered, that her reaction to what she goes through here is 100% genuine.

Let's reiterate what she goes through here: Anthy, who is clearly shown to be uncomfortable in crowds, is humiliated in front of a huge crowd, which very likely reminded her of when she was originally stabbed with the million swords of hate by the angry mob who branded her a "witch". Also, Anthy, a long-term victim of sexual abuse, is rendered semi-naked in front of a crowd. It's little wonder that she ends up shivering and in tears from all of this.

Needless to say, Nanami has absolutely no knowledge of and no way of knowing about Anthy's trauma and how deep it runs -- certainly not at this early stage. That's not the only reason I don't think she realised the severity of what she pulled on her here, though.

To my knowledge, exposing a rival's body in public is not entirely outside of the sorts of bullying tactics that come up in melodramatic old shoujo -- which Utena draws from, and which this episode draws from in particular. With that in mind, I think Nanami (who is herself practically a 70s shoujo character in some ways, which explains things like her character design not having whites in her eyes) likely just thought of this whole thing as a way of embarrassing a girl she didn't like.

However, Nanami is just thirteen years old, and she's had an upbringing that's a mix of sheltered and neglectful at that. Because she's a child, and because she doesn't see anything in sexual terms, certain implications of humiliating Anthy the way she did simply didn't occur to her, and likely couldn't have occured to her.

In short, there's a certain... I'm not sure if innocence is the right word to use for her cruelty in doing what she did in this episode, but definitely a kind of obliviousness. Again, what she did here was unpleasant, but for the reasons I've detailed above, I don't think she understood the full extent of how unpleasant it was.

[stardustdiiving]

I notice Nahida is portrayed as frustrated or scolding of other characters (usually Wanderer) in fanon often but to be honest I don’t think Nahida really has that much of a temper where she defaults to that sort of thing very much….She can be angry and firm as needed but I really don’t think that’s her first instinct on how to assert herself in a lot of cases.

She instead really strikes me as someone who primarily gets upset when it’s on behalf of other people or someone embodying ideas she finds very devoid of care and compassion for others….but struggles to really be angry on her own behalf. Like, it’s pointed out it’s only until she’s actively being rescued that she finally says she’s angry at the Sages, and while she is openly angry then we see later everyone comments on how they seem to have gotten off days, which I touched on in this post and feel u can infer from that this idea Nahida struggles to be harsh even towards to the people who kept her in a cage for 500 years—which makes when u see how much she rationalizes being treated like this earlier on. She ultimately seems more concerned with the Sages mistreatment of her people vs their mistreatment of Nahida herself.

This feels consistent to why she seems pretty visibly disgusted with Dottore when they have their negotiation. Dottore is more or less an antithesis to everything she believes about wisdom and embodies a lot of malice and cruelty that Nahida would be really disturbed by. I personally like to write her lack of a temper in some areas as something that seems almost troubling — bc on one hand she’s very forgiving and kind despite through being a lot, but on the other this seems like it might be rooted in just genuinely not allowing herself to be angry to protect herself. But yeah overall I think unless you’re really causing an issue Nahida is more likely to give you a kind of frazzled sad puppy look and very politely ask you to be better as opposed to hitting you with a sandal or scolding you for it

In the case of her relationship with Wanderer specifically I’ve like, talked about how I feel people overlook the fact Wanderer makes a genuine effort to cooperate with Nahida and doesn’t really fight with her much…so i don’t think they’re often bickering with each other to the point Nahida has to get really firm with him. She seems to have a pretty interesting amount of patience with him especially post AQ, which again I think is helped by the fact Wanderer is genuinely trying to cooperate and she sees that. We do see her ask Traveler + Scaramouche to stop bickering in Inversion of Genesis but she is in my opinion very polite and at most a bit awkward about it, not scolding or irritated

[susiephone]

can we put “intrusive thoughts” on the ever-crowded shelf of “words the internet can’t use until they learn what they actually mean” please? because it is genuinely INFURIATING to see tiktokkers be like “oop shaved my head, the intrusive thoughts won!!” or “my intrusive thoughts are telling me to call my ex a cunt and tbh they a point”

but then when people talk about intrusive thoughts that involve violence to themselves or others, sexual assault, bigotry, animal cruelty, abuse, or any other genuinely horrifying thing, then suddenly it’s all “omg if you even have that thought you’re disgusting!” and “you wouldn’t think it if you didn’t mean it on some level!” and “ok FINE maybe you can’t help THINKING it but do you HAVE to post about it?” (and i’ve seen that last one commented on videos where people simply mentioned HAVING intrusive thoughts about the topics i just listed. not describing the thoughts in detail or saying what they entailed! just mentioning “i have intrusive thoughts about [x topic]” and suddenly everyone in their comment is jumping down their throat for making them uncomfortable.)

the point of intrusive thoughts is that they are thoughts you do not like, do not want to have, and do not believe in your logical, thinking brain. “swerve into traffic” “you could stab them” “what if you poisoned the coffee you just gave them and somehow repressed the memory” “what if you secretly want to hurt them, so secretly even YOU don’t know it” “what if you ran someone over and didn’t notice” “what if you don’t actually love your mom you’ve just fooled yourself into thinking you’re capable of love but really you’re just faking it”

intrusive thoughts are upsetting, scary, and often objectively ridiculous.

they’re not fun.

(on a similar note, it is genuinely creepy to realize how many people believe in thoughtcrime, even if they don’t realize it.)

[missaccuracy]

Do you agree with this take about Ozai?

https://www.tumblr.com/phoenix-king-ozai/662589960179810304/ozai-did-love-and-care-about-his-family-in-the?source=share

I understand where this comes from, I've seen takes similar to this one a couple of times, however, I only partially agree.

The thing about abusers is that they're humans too, so there can be some good moments and happy memories with them, but that doesn't necessarily mean they genuinely loved you. People point to the flashbacks as a proof that Ozai had complex feelings towards his children, but I think he never really cared about them in a way we understand it.

I think in Ozai's case, he didn't truly love their children, BUT, as a human, he just had some parental instinct towards them, as shown when Ozai saved Zuko.

But to me, Ozai is still a clear case of a narcissistic parent and parents like this never love their children unconditionally. We've seen that later in the show Ozai gives his children only conditional approval.

I think Ozai's early care for Zuko also stemmed from the fact that he wasn't seen by him as a lost cause yet. I think the time when Ozai showed kindness to Zuko, was a time when Ozai still hoped Zuko would prove himself.

His later resentment of Zuko comes from the fact, that, in his eyes Zuko isn't a capable heir. He isn't a prodigy firebender, he's not tactical, he doesn't demonstrate great political skills. Zuko doesn't have any of he skills Ozai values.

Ozai welcomed Zuko back after his banishment, because Zuko has finally become what Ozai always wanted.

Same with Azula. As long as she answered to his expectations, he showed her some resemblance of "care", but after he found out she lied to him, I think he became displeased with her and abandoned her in the end. (But she's still his only heir left, so he gave her the position of the fire lord as a way to "shut her up" and still keep her by his side).

We see that all love Ozai has for his children is conditional. And I believe there was a one more reason as to why Ozai semeed to care for his children in the past, but became cold to them later.

This post correctly points to Ozai and Ursa having a good early relationship in canon. Maybe Ozai hadn't lost his feelings towards Ursa, but when she's gone, there was no one to keep his cruelty in check anymore.

When Ursa was present, Ozai tried to be better and make it all work, but she still couldn't tame his ambitions and after she left, it was like all of his soft feelings he may have towards his family and his children were gone with her.

[prismatic-starstuff]

actually you know what i'll. give some preliminary, very spoiler-heavy, underslept and stream of consciousness thoughts about the final boss; and by the final boss, i mainly mean—

—miquella, because my thoughts on him at this moment are clearer than my thoughts on radahn. (more on that later.)

(important disclaimer: i don't ship any of the characters mentioned in this post together, and i don't condone the behaviours mentioned. this is just a bit of a character analysis and my personal thoughts at this moment; they could change.)

i think miquella is genuinely all those epithets he has; kind and tender. i think he genuinely did want to make the world a gentler place. i think he meant, in his heart, every single word he said about compassion and love.

i do not think miquella knows what compassion and love are. or how to parse and display them in a healthy way, at least.

because healthy compassion doesn't boil down to 'i'll bewitch you so you're always gentle,' and healthy love doesn't boil down to 'i want you and so i'll take you.' but in miquella's mind, he genuinely believes that this is how these things look, and so those are the tools with which he means to build his new age; truly good intentions, but horribly misguided feelings and attitudes.

in the end, i think miquella is a very sad character. both in the sense of miquella personally being very unhappy, and also the sense that... analysing him makes me sad. because i don't believe he had any bad intentions whatsoever; i don't believe he was this conniving creature with malicious desires who knew full well that he was acting in cruelty... i believe he wholeheartedly thought he was doing good.

and i believe he was scared, and lonely, and desperate.

miquella, cursed with eternal physical childhood and frailty, didn't want the godhood that hung over his head like an inescapable threat. and so, when he found someone whose kindness and strength charmed him - as opposed to him having to do the charming - he clutched onto radahn... far, far too tightly.

and that's not good. of course it isn't. i'm not condoning any of it. but i just don't think it was out of cackling evilness or badness or malice; i just... think miquella really wanted someone to be there for him during the godhood he didn't want.

now, my whole opinion goes in different directions on whether or not radahn was in on this, wholeheartedly, ready to go. if he was, then fair enough, they made a vow in their youth and radahn's no victim. if he wasn't, then yeah, he was absolutely a victim in the situation.

i'm not gonna get too deep into mohg because that's very cut and dry and could take up entire posts in itself; mohg was used. used in miquella's well-meaning plan, yes, but used. which to me is... very odd, because it's making me reevaluate every single thing i thought i knew about mohg at all. it's a weird place to be in.

another thing about miquella is that he seems very much to be a person of extremes. if he's going to claim godhood, he wants to be rid of all that came before; including who he was. he literally went through the land of shadow ripping bits of himself off and out to get rid of them; got rid of a literal half of himself in saint trina.

and speaking of saint trina... i think it is extremely telling that she - literally the other half of miquella - tells us in no uncertain terms to kill him; as a mercy. that speaks volumes about the mental state miquella must be in.

lastly, there's the question of whether that eternal childhood was just physical, or also extended to miquella's mentality. personally, i think it was just physical; what he did exhibited a lot of unhealthy behaviours, yes, but... i don't think the root cause of those behaviours was him having a child's mentality. personally, there's not enough evidence there to believe otherwise imo.

so yeah... tl;dr: miquella makes me sad. he did some very bad things, but i don't think he's a bad person, which makes it even sadder. everything about him and radahn and malenia and mohg is fucked up and heartbreaking. and ultimately, i don't believe he's a deliberately manipulative evil nasty being; rather, someone who's drowning in despair to the point of self-destruction, someone who does not want his fate but is marching towards it as best he can, someone who did truly terrible things in the pursuit of what was at its heart a very innocent goal.