#i have this vacuum actually

[industrations]

Reggie of the day: doing chores

[notbecauseofvictories]

I'm cautiously gearing myself up for a conversation with bff where I tell her that we need to recalibrate our relationship, and....I genuinely don't think I've ever had a serious, emotional conversation with someone I care about before.

I've never been a Conversation Haver; I tend to take the approach that people can't significantly change without meaningful reason, and since I am not and never have been someone's Reason, I cannot prompt change. Therefore, my choices are (a) live with what is; or (b) end/limit the relationship.

But....this is my best friend in the world. I do love her. I just can't keep on as we've been going, where it's less a friendship and more ten minute intervals where I talk about my life, after which the focus switches. I once sat in a bar for two hours waiting for her; afterwards, she asked if I wanted to stay in her hotel room like I didn't have to get up in another 5 hours and drive to work. She texted me during my recent trips, and when I said I was traveling she asked no further questions. Said nothing unless it was about what she was reading, what she was doing. I'm not even sure she realized I was traveling at all, just unavailable to her.

I can give a high-level summary of her PhD thesis. I'm not confident she knows where I work.

Truthfully, part of this is that we simply have different social styles....but still. Coming back from my family trip, I said I was tired and trying to get work straightened out, she should go ahead and plan something for the holiday! I was free! Only for me to text a week later....and promptly have her join me, for my previously standalone plans. Oh, and she asked me to bring my camera, because she wants headshots for her new job.

I still love her very much, but if this is the kind of relationship we're going to have? I need less of it.

[why-the-heck-not]

20.12.23, wednesday

My main hobby is just procrastinating in any way I can. The plan was to make a cup of coffee and then start working. What actually happened is that I watched a 3 part video series (by james hoffmann ofc) on Aeropress coffee and made a few cups with different variables. Still not sure if I found The Recipe for me, but it’s getting better (tho I don’t love the coffee beans I have)

[secret-spirit]

That one post of Veldigun!Alex stealing back their voice from the foundation through Toon Lankmann is such a hilarious mental image like HUH

Anyway quote i found that just fits that

[farahfriday]

[lord farquaad pointing and laughing meme] the british man has fallen for the american imperialist propaganda!

ghost image credit to yumethefrostypanda

[unopenablebox]

the way people talk about """"building community"""" feels so weirdly like. abstract? artificial? alienating? idk. i see those posts and have an immediate reflexive feeling of "this could only be done by some entirely other kind of person with whom i share no skills or interpersonal approaches" and it takes me a while after that to remember that i organized a union

[girlatrocity]

??? IS THAT IT?

[rowanisawriter]

having a kid is genuinely so scary lol sometimes idk where to turn, im hiding in the bathroom trying to process the grief of replacing my vacuum cleaner and how much vacuums cost and she’s sticking her crumb filled hand under the door asking for another snack 😭

[eldritchqueerture]

you never realize how much of our language for emotions is rooted in experiences from our bodies until you have to write emotional experiences of an entity that only possesses an arm up to the elbow, a foot and two eyes.

[parchmentknight]

realizing that i am an outlier in fandoms because i do not ship anyone with anyone

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

Growing up I remember people complaining about Boomer parents being self absorbed, abandoning or neglecting their children, and engaging in other bad parent behaviors. I remember I used to know one guy who complained boomers had not just consumed everything, they licked the plate clean and left nothing for future generations. The answer to this is not to be better parents but to have no children at all, thus resolving the tension between pursuit of the self (which we are assured is not selfish) and the selflessness parenthood demands by removing children entirely. No more leaving nothing to future generations, because now there will just be no future generations.

the logic is unassailable. We have not created for ourselves a society that is configured for having children, though the vestiges persist (the childless report the vague pressure to procreate). Not to have them frees up time and money for career and for instagram worthy travel.

i cannot argue against this, but it seems deeply nihilistic to me in a way that leaves me feeling extremely cold

[voskhozhdeniye]

[pinkinsect]

I've been reading your shidou posts and his metafictional situation really is just so frustrating isn't it. like hell yeah this guy is gay and violent and carnivorous. quick question why did you give these traits to your only dark-skinned character

RIGHT LIKE. i love gay violent carnivorous dudes and his tan partially coming from his morning routine could be something so beautiful if you consider his actions as a form of rebellion against a past of deprivation but then you Remember. you have 299 other athletes who are not gay or violent or carnivorous (as explicitly as shidou—for all the homosexuality and cannibalism in blue lock, none of it is quite explicit as what shidou has going on; him being violent and gay was the basis for pretty big segment of the u20 match), presumably the same race as shidou, and spend an awful lot of their time outside of school playing soccer and you're telling me not one of them is even remotely as dark as him. where did hiori's father's melanin go. is hiori just too reserved for it to show up or something.

[septembersung]

Current mood

[spoopy-moose]

reading scholarly articles about pathologic when its so obvious that the writer didn't even properly play the game and actually only played like the first half of 2 and then confidently putting their opinions out there like SHUT UP

[bibleofficial]

god bless sleeping 12hrs nightly