#i have this issue with lots of ppl to be fair i just also like
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do any other autistics struggle with family because you want so desperately to be understood by them but, even when they mean well, they just Fundamentally Misunderstanding what u are saying? like u could literally tell them "i am not feeling upset or angry, i want to do this thing, there is just a little resistance mentally because it is a stressful task/behavior/thing. think of it like doing an exercise but adding a resistance band you know? like it just is taking extra effort i didnt account for but i will be okay!" and they interpret it as you saying"i am triggered, this is upsetting, this has to happen right now or never, i am going to cry from stress" and then try to comfort you but its like!!!! im not upset!!!!! but im Becoming upset bc im trying to explain my perspective and being treated like im broken and need gentleness when i dont really need ANYTHING other than like "alr cool sorry ur struggling" (and i can say this all Explicitly and even give a demo/mock convo of what feels good for me when sharing and its like in one ear and out the other)
#personal#i have this issue with lots of ppl to be fair i just also like#i dont know what im doing that everyone reads any emotion communication from me as me having a breakdown#i know i use a lot of words but i literally cannot be succint bc i end up missing vital pieces of info#and i think its harder w family cause socially i know this is the structure im supposed to rely on#but how can i rely on people for emotional support if they cant even understand when i am (or arent) upset#like why cant people trust me!#tbh this also bites me in the ass in the opposite way cause ik they're reading between the lines to get to the conclusions w ne#and then when they tell me things i Dont read between the lines bc it takes SO much effort for me and i dont wanna be on like that#bc its exhausting and so i respond and suddenly i dont care enough or im so cols#its just exhausting#esp when like..... the only ppl in my family who really understood this frustration i experience are either dead or i am estranged from#for other reasons unrelated to this#venty vent#i blame this on my autism mostly bc it impacts EVERY relationship i have not just family#family just happens to be the reasoning this time
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compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)
meh HoT gifs (3/?)
#alek gifs#ninjago#ninjago krux#ninjago acronix#hands of time#time twins#alternate title to this series is : stuff i noticed after watching this season 10 whole times#okay actually thats a lie. i realized this the 3rd time around#i think of acronix and how he barely makes any decisions for himself and i go crazy#ppl equate that with him feeling forced to do stuff.. uh hes always been a follower guys!!#cue him calling wu “master wu” even after the twins betrayal. him liking machia bc shes “mean” and bossy#he has no issue with following orders lol. prepare for a long acronix rant one day#contexts -> gif 1 barely counts i just wanted to include him looking at krux. he does this a lot during that fight#gif 2 is before they kill blunck and raggmunk (idk how to spell their names still ... sorry)#gif 3 is before they were going to kill wu in the golden hour legacy short. which is canon !!#gif 4 is before they sent themselves into the temporal vortex#that one post that was like “are we still doing revenge? yeah? cool” bc thats basically acronix#there is something fundamentally wrong with these two's brains but idk how to describe it#krux who literally lost his mind after losing his brother to the point he adopted an entire identity#“he just needed to go undercover!!” counter point as soon as acronix came back he was unable to pretend to be saunders. he acted super weird#like when kai was in the museum he couldnt pretend to be this person he wasnt. acronix was back !!! so was he. krux was 100% going to kill#the smith sibs if maya and ray didnt comply. also.. canonly they knew him when they worked as teachers back in s3. he watched them grow up#and pretended all was well meanwhile their parents were being forced to work and slave away to build the iron doom. he is not normal#then you have acronix who thrives off of violence and is described as throwing himself into battle like a blunt object. has no regard#for himself as a person and just takes (almost) everything his brother says as gospel. s7 couldve done smthn really cool with how#the only thing the twins ever really disagreed on was technology. also ive went on a semirant about how krux's hatred for tech was misplaced#hatred for losing acronix. wanted to travel to the pre modern era? okay well whyd he pick 40 years ago specifically. also NOTE that they#went back after their past selves had lost. they wouldve faired better if they went and helped their past selves. also the reversal blade#had already fallen so when the twins went back in time there was two kruxes. he literally went back to when he had been all alone for the#for the first time. he went back to when his life was ruined and his brother was gone!! but he had nix with him this time . ughdhf
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In the newest patch notes for the beta it says that additional lore entries were hooked up but I'm sure as hell not finding anything new. I swear if this just meant that they made the new logs that were already in game uncoverable outside of debug mode I'm going to cry, don't tease me like that klei my heart can't take it
#rat rambles#oni posting#hey on the bright side they added a new oxylite building like I was expecting them too even if Im not super sure how it works yet#Im also glad they upped the quality of some of the fried foods I was rly disappointed with how just sorta ok they were#rip to the fried steak but I guess they rly didnt want to make it higher quality than barbeque#hopefully thisll make the fried food more worth going for as before I rly felt like there wasn't much point#like idk Im guessing they were going for smth more mid game friendly but the gas range is just sorta better on every level#the main issue is that a lot of the fried food requires meats that you're just not able to easily get on cere#like from what I remember pokeshells do naturally spawn on cere but only deeper down where its much warmer#and and from my current playtesting its rly not great to dive down there until you're at the point where you could probably just run the#gas range anyways#now to be fair the one fair grace that Ill give the fried food is that if you don't have a natural gas vent sitting around it is probably#the faster option of the two to get set up since you'd need to get to the oil biome for natural gass#but idk Im not sold on it being super worth it asside from giving shellfish more value#I also am glad that the ice maker finally seems semi usable now I havent touched that thing in forever#they alas nerfed the bnunys but thats to be expected theyre pretty bonkers#Ive seen some ppl say that it makes them calorie negative now but Im honestly kind of ok with that as long as its not too bad#mainly because its basically turning lower quality food into potentially much much higher quality food at a slightly inefficient rate#but I also do think its a fine line to balance on since meat is already a pretty easy resource to get effectively unlimited amounts of
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your post about not having any lesbian friends was right under a post someone else made complaining about someone posting on tumblr lying about how they have no lesbian friends. I doubt it’s about you being you’re not a ****** but the timing was funny
lol well i was also not lying 😭 i mean i have made online friends who were lesbians but the original ask was asking why i don’t date “one of my many lesbian friends” & i have said before a million times that i wouldn’t do a long distance relationship so i was only talking abt ppl that i know personally in real life as in like that i could text to get ice cream w me rn if i wanted to ykwim……also i did have a lesbian friend before covid but she graduated & moved away & i didn’t even bother including her in that response either bc i was talking abt currently so 😩 also how do u know i’m not that i could be……i contain multitudes
#i could never do a long distance relationship bc adhd gives me bad issues w object permanence for ppl fr 😭#so it’s like no matter how much i care abt someone i can legit forget they exist for periods of time w/o realizing#if they also like have not texted me or anything like it’s so bad….i will be like omg when was the last time i talked to them#which i guess like if i was in long distance my gf would text me a lot so i wouldn’t forget but still i don’t think it would b fair#bc she’d probably be like why don’t you ever text me first & it would probably hurt her feelings if i was like well i forgot you existed 😭#but it’s not my fault fr……just one of the ways that my brain works 😔#also i really build connections w ppl by spending time together in person so i think it would be impossible for me to romantically connect#w someone just online alone. probably smth having to do w that object permanence issue lmao…..#anonymous#ask //
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🦋
#hmmmm.#so i know that like. i come across-- pretty purposefully i knowww lmao-- as someone who Hates doctors#(&like. perhaps medical personnel in general lmao.)#i will give that this is a fair assessment based on my semi-regular bitching. lmao.#but also like i deal w medical personnel&aspiring medical personnel like. a lot lmao.#the actual amount of these ppl i deal w vs the percentage that i go ballistic over makes it a nonissue as far as im concerned lmao.#(actually quite reminiscent of when ppl accuse me of hating yt ppl just bc i complain about them specifically as if i dont live in portland#where the percentage of these ppl i deal w is damn near 100%&would be if i didnt purposefully go out of my way to change that lmao.#it is not my fault that i deal w specific things that can be chalked up to specific categorizations&am willing to note why that is lmao.)#anyway so i had to work around a new oncologist for a variety of reasons lmao&the new doc i have also specializes in#disordered eating which i guess makes sense as a gastric&intestinal focused oncologist&we had the most fascinating preintake convo.#lately my gastroparesis has been like. absurdly bad lmao. its always been a problem but the last couple months ive been dropping weight#again like crazy bc my food isnt getting digested-- just thrown back up after a few hours bc human bodies arent meant to ferment shit lmao.#the meds i started taking a bit ago for it have been helping but not enough to help me gain any weight back-- im back to being#solidly under a 100lbs lmao&its been wreaking havok all over like. everything. lmao.#something something this is likely due in part to the Bad mania lmao. but seeing as im probably stuck w my fucked up head#regardless of the nature or nurture of it all as w most of this shit it doesnt really matter i just need to find a way to fix it lmao.#so anyway we were talking about the mental issues that are starting to surface-- bc if i throw fucking everything up i dont want to eat#(which is i guess the mirror version of what my problem was for YEARS before my diagnosis when i would eat whatever the fuck i wanted#bc it all caused me pain no matter what so if its a choice between a salad&beef jerky+coke+ice cream its literally a no brainer lmao.)#(... i actually won more than one ice cream eating contest back when it was still a thing i could do back home lmao.)#but anyway part of my thing right now is also like. im having a difficult time wanting to eat bc theres the obvious fact that cooking#for myself feels like a huge waste of time&energy if im just going to puke it all back up&be in pain again anyway.#&the other part of my thing right now is that i fucking hate wasting the amount of food im wasting doing this shit.#both these problems are like. life long problems that any permadisabled poor person will def recognize lmao#but lately its been SO BAD. the holy trinity of wasted time+money+food has literally just been too fucking much lmao.#&the doc thus far is really receptive to the practical problems like this as well as the more specific to me+nuanced problems#which is just. so incredibly relieving. at least for right now lmao.
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#///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#as usual vent in the tags#except this time ITS NOT A VENT Yada#I’ve been thinking about creating healthy boundaries#and I think that a lot of the time I come across annoyed or irritated with people because I don’t maintain a boundary that I established#or even create a boundary#because for the longest time I felt it was stupid for me to have to constantly remind people of it#I’ve always felt like if I’m cognizant of yours you should be cognizant of mine#so wrong obviously#I’m still like learning my triggers and shit#but I just feel like often ppl think I’m irritated or annoyed with them#when the reality is I would just like to also have a boundary in relationships#I know it’s hard to understand for people when the majority of our relationship has been me not having boundaries and ignoring my comfort#and mental health in order to be their for someone but it’s actually really not fucking healthy for me haha#constantly being there for someone with no expectations of it being reciprocated#or even worse the expectation that it’ll never be reciprocated bc a lot of the relationship feels unreciprocated is just so not good for me#so im going to be establishing and maintaining boundaries now#I’m not going to ignore how things make me feel bc it’s not fair to me to just ignore it and then when I think about it#I get mad later and vent about it days months or years down the line#this has been an issue for me with every friendship I’ve had#I often feel like I give so much of myself with no regard for my own mental health#and when things hurt or trigger me I say nothing#bc I’ll have convinced myself that I’m being dramatic#it’s a work in progress I think#tbd#vent /#*
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So I never wondered before what happened between Vander and Silco cos I had faith in the writers (my bad) and cos realistically it would require several professional writers to figure this out. I can't come up with a whole scenario, smth that should have been probs a whole episode or many flashbacks to the first revolution to parallel and give context for the second revolution. but since they dropped the whole revolution plotline there was no point in that ig. Now I'm not coming up with a whole plot for s2 to make it connect to a whole plot for the Silco and Vander backstory. I'll just talk about general things when it comes to
How I would do the Vander and Silco backstory:
Silco and Vander meet as young adults, probs in the mines.
Silco is a wide-eyed idealist, he's small and weak making it hard for him to survive from day to day but it's not important to his character (no insecurities, his character is not about that). He cares about and crafts his idea of an independent nation of Zaun. We're meeting a way 'better' version of Silco but he still has all his traits like being a bit of a diva and pettiness and pride and such.
Vander is capable and the 'get shit done' guy. He feels the need to use his strength to protect others. He has a strong sense of justice and fairness. He has anger issues too tho.
Vander uses his strength to protect Silco and so Silco feels safe with him but Vander also has violent tendencies and anger issues. There should probs be some instances where the possibility of Vander being violent with Silco is hinted at.
A la Powder's bombs or Mylo's lock-picking skills no one puts much value on Silco's ideas, everybody immensely respects Vander and his brute strength tho. It's the commonly lived by in the Undercity 'survival of the fittest' vs Silco's silly 'Undercity, united as one'.
Vander loves the idea tho and is Silco's first and biggest fan lol.
They start doing their thing together. At some point they build the Lanes and the Last Drop together.
Silco as a co-leader gets to do his thing, planning the nation and writing in his notebook and such, he's more of a planning guy, not the best in the field. He gets to do his thing but ppl really look up to Vander, with a lot of them not understanding the concept that they should have a shared national identity etc. but they do understand resisting their oppressors and Vander can lead them by example. Ppl admire him cos he rescues ppl and does justice and can kill an enforcer with one punch. Silco also likes that about him. He's the one to take direct action and is more of the pushing force of the revolution. He's like 'bro Zaun sounds amazing and what's stopping us from rounding up our friends and taking out this patrol on the corner? right now?' at Silco. Silco's 'brothers and sisters' beliefs low-key inform the attitude of the rebels even if they still don't get Zaun. He's also the one making all the smart decisions like creating a black market but he's underappreciated for it cos ppl don't directly see the connection between stuff like his scheming/business talents, the Lanes and the living situation getting better. (you could say Vander and Silco were the violence and ideology that make up a revolutionary movement).
As the revolution continues Vander was insistent that they need to push more, that's his mentality cos he was always more capable than others. With Silco being more logical and pragmatic. The stress isn't getting so much to Silco but it is to Vander. What got to Vander was that if he's the one pushing and ppl die bcos of it then it's on his hands and he can't stand it. Especially that it's probs partially self-indulgent. He gets to blow off steam and has an outlet for his violent tendencies. He is not making the best decisions, they are somewhat self-serving and on some level he knows this. Pressure to succeed and get results fast and guilt is getting to him.
Then they're on a mission that's gotta have them both doing different things but somehow connected to the bridge.
Silco and his team, or even bystanders, get caught/get in trouble. Silco starts spouting poetics at enforcers and bcos he pissed them off they decide to arrest everyone (so that's probs a one way ticket) but ppl did get inspired which causes more scuffling, probs ppl die, the situation gets worse but it allows ppl to let Silco escape/hide/he gets knocked out. Vander finds him and they escape via river, they jump from the bridge or from the docks, going further and further away from the shore and the enforcers and they start talking about what happened.
For context Vander and Silco's attitudes are opposite to each other at any time, and they also switch from what they were originally to what they become post their character development moments (betrayal and bridge massacre), they're narrative foils after all. One is at the core selfish and violent and the other is altruistic and for the good of everybody bcos of their lofty ideals. So Vander in his violent era at the end of the day cares about himself and ppl around him and keeping them (like Silco in s1 with Jinx when push comes to shove).
Vander is angry that Silco 'prioritized some "Zaun" over their ppl', starts criticizing his ideology and his ineffectiveness but Silco saw his approach working and decides he should try by himself again, like he did before Vander, with the focus on the whole business enterprise and such, now that it turned out in the last few years that he's good at it. He points out Vander's overly violent tendencies. So they're pissed and stressed cos of the situation, pressure gets to Vander and he feels responsible for every loss that happened. He feels responsible for Silco. If he failed then Vander failed. Then it escalates when it becomes more personal, they start being petty and criticizing each other. Vander stands to lose his most important connection. He feels rejected. Maybe Vander physically prevents Silco from leaving. They start struggling, things escalate, instead of letting Silco go Vander lashes out. And then Vander punches him, gives him the black eye (plus maybe chips his front teeth) and then in the heat of the moment starts drowning him.
Afterwards Vander blames it all on Silco, paints him as worse than what happened. It's easier cos his emotions tell him Silco somehow wronged him (hence the 'you animal' reputation, cos ppl could view it, especially if that's how Vander presented it, as Silco doing that whole thing intentionally, sacrificing his ppl to get a thing done and escaping himself). Vander projects his blame and guilt onto Silco, after years of leading by himself he mellows out and realizes Silco was not at fault but it's years into the cope/lie. He can't do better by himself and his straightforward violent methods don't work well enough for him to be worth it anymore. The bridge massacre is the last straw. Meanwhile Silco learns to be violent on top of being driven by ideology (but also he's not trying to convince anyone anymore of his ideas cos it didn't work the last time, he doesn't preach to anyone in s1 but Jinx).
Add somewhere in there a comment from Vander to Silco about pretty eyes for zaundads and dramatic irony reasons.
#in case I change my mind about any of this in the future this is my first draft#arcane#my:arcane#silco#vander#zaundads#vanco
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What did Og!Cale sacrifice?
Genuine question...
Hear me out;
I'm reading the latest chapter of 'In an Instant' by Messy_haired_bum and something just clicked in my head.
See, I know that the Og!Cale is a fan favorite, something that I didn't really understand because we don't know a whole lot about the guy, but there's just something that's been stopping me from getting enamored with him via various fanfictions I've read even though they've made the Og!Cale very lovable, and I didn't really know what it was, for a long time, until now.
There are various posts circulating around saying that Og!Cale sacrificed himself greatly with the deal he made with the GoD, and at a time, I believed that. But... reading this chapter opened my eyes and made me think, what did Og!Cale sacrificed?
What did he sacrifice that he didn't already lose?
A lot of ppl say that Og!Cale lost everything to be KRS but the only thing he had left was his identity. That's... not a lot to be honest. Not enough, actually.
Now, I can hear y'all thinking "Current!Cale got his wealth, backing, and a family–", but so did Current!KRS.
Current!KRS also didn't need to deal with a world war involving a megalomaniac, entire enemy nations, and a literal divine being.
Og!Cale was a foot soldier for 40 years, most likely didn't help a lot against Arm and The White Star, and he died without any (known) great feats but he's given such an amazing opportunity to take over the body of someone that'll need to deal with all those problems? An opportunity of rebirth that even Lee Soo Hyuk wasn't given until he gave one up of his abilities to help seal a deity?
He knows he couldn't shoulder the burden of saving the world so he just... washed his hands off that responsibility... And then occupied the body of a high-ranking well-known individual to then go off and get a happy ending with his reincarnated mom.
As the excerpt above said, it's a win-win for him, he doesn't get soul-crushing responsibilities, he gets a high-ranking position that grants him power, he can deal with the learning curve due to being given Og!KRS's abilities and having an actual reliable guide, and he gets to be back with his mom.
And...
... If Current!Cale ever fails?
He can just shrug and say it's not his problem anymore.
He's got his new happy life now. (I'm not saying he will, I'm just saying he could, if he was a lesser man)
Current!Cale lost everything he had too, all the fruits of his labors, the results of him dealing with all sorts of issues and problems for years, just... taken away by a stranger in his body. You can say KRS!Cale wasn't really happy, that Og!Cale didn't know if the body he'll end up in would be okay, that he gambled with his life in taking over Og!KRS's life.
Life that... he was about to lose anyways.
It just wasn't fair...
If we ignore the fact the KRS!Cale is literally thriving and just look subjectively at the situation of the body switch, KRS!Cale got the short end of the bloody, hellish, rotting stick.
I can only get closure if I personally find out if Og!Cale ever gave a fuck about the uninvolved, innocent guy that he sent to deal with a 20 year war, and not in the 'Is he doing the saving he's supposed to?' typa way, I want to find out if he ever feels guilty of the responsibility that he gave the man, if he ever worries for KRS!Cale's personal safety and mental health, for putting an innocent man through war. An innocent man that couldn't just stand by, as the world he found himself in, burns around him.
I don't want to dislike the current KRS, I want to love him actually, but this is my current perspective on the matter and you guys are free to share yours so that I can broaden my mindset about Og!Cale (pls do, I wanna like the guy but I wanna know if he's a good guy first, I wanna know why ppl love him so I can love him as well)
#tcf#lcf#tcf cale#tcf cale henituse#original cale henituse#og cale henituse#lcf cale#trash of count's family#trash of the count's#trash of the counts family#trash of the duke's family#trash of the count's family#lout of the count's family#lout of the counts family#lout of the count’s family#lout of count's family#cale henituse
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Here are some of my hot (or maybe tepid) takes about arcane:
(Under the cut bc i got wordy lol)
-the show could have used another season or like at least 5 more eps per season. Thats not a dig at the creators bc we know they were already forced to cut stuff out, but imho it shows a little, esp in s2. I fully believe Sevika was one of the biggest victims here, i genuinely believe she had an arc in s2 act 3 that was fully cut. And her being one of the biggest defenders of zaunite independence also means that by cutting her they basically gutted that storyline.
-the sheer lack of time with some characters also means that i simply did not connect with some of them, which made their deaths kind of underwhelming. Like i gasped when loris, isha, elora and sky died, but i cant say i was actually sad. That might be a me problem, but i need a little more time and info on a character to feel literally anything about them.
-on the other hand: we need to accept that sometimes background or minor characters are just that. No they werent robbed, no they werent underwritten, theyre simply not that important and thats OK bc theyre characters, not real people. You dont need to give equal attention to all characters for it to be "fair". And i sometimes feel like ppl think they HAVE to bemoan this. esp when its a female character a lot of fans talk about "sidelining" or "theyre using them as a plot device!!" Buddy, sometimes characters are literally just there to move the plot along, thats not inherently a social justice issue. (Ive seen this the most with sky and lest and like.... sorry, they were never gonna be more important than this. They can still be your fave, but just bc you wanted to see more of them doesnt mean they were sidelined for nefarious reasons)
-however sometimes the problem isnt that a character got too little screentime. S2 is a perfect example to show you can do a lot of character work in less time (viktor, ekko) and little character work with a lot of screentime (vi, sorry). Viktor and ekko were missing for entire episodes and managed to have full character arcs and vi was kind of there the whole time, but stuff just happened to her? Like she does do a lot, she looks incredibly cool, i liked watching her scenes, but her motivations, her goals and her values are ALL over the place. I love caitvi, but it did kinda ruin vis integrity when she threw away core beliefs (she becomes an enforcer, she temporarily agrees to kill jinx, she participates in chem warfare against the undercity) for cait. Hmmmmm.....
-i wasnt that deep in the fandom in s1 so i might have simply missed it or i might just not be following assholes, but the "jayvik shippers hate mel" thing never made sense to me. NOT because i dont believe it, bc i sure as hell have seen enough mlm shippers be fully misogynistic or racist, but the way ppl (mainly meljay shippers lbr) talked about jayvik shippers being horrible to mel like it was this HUGE thing confused me bc i personally have seen like 2 fanfics where they horribly mischaracterise mel to be a viktor-hating bitch, but thats it? Like, was that an actual problem or was it ppl deliberately misunderstanding stuff? (One specific example: ive seen someone accuse jayvik shippers of being misogynists bc they accused mel of manipulating jayce and sidelining Viktor. Which is a canonical thing happening in the show. Like ofc you can word it in a way to make mel a horrid evil bitch, im sure there are ppl who DO hate mel and think she is an evil succubus, but this person in particular just seemed upset about the fact that ppl were talking about things that mel canonically did.) This is a genuine question, bc from my pov after s1 mel was one of the fan faves and jayvik wasnt THAT big of a deal until s2. I literally saw a hundred times more jayce hate than i did mel hate, but maybe thats not the universal arcane fandom experience? Like, again, i HAVE seen (for lack of a better term) fujoshis get wildly hateful towards female characters in the vicinity of their ship, i was just pleasantly surprised that the arcane fandom seemingly DIDNT. So the unrestrained resentment and bitterness of some fans after jayvik "went canon" caught me off guard.
-the reason i ask this: i saw a video where someone talked about some rando homophobic timebomb fans who apparently resented caitvi for getting a happy ending instead of jinx and ekko. So i commented "i s2g het-shippers act like theyre an oppressed group sometimes" to which another person responded "well jayvik fans were really shitty about mel, soo...." and i was so fucking confused bc what? The video wasnt even about mel or jayvik?? They just heard me make a snarky comment about het ships and immediately felt called out. But yeah thats what prompted my question.
-i dont get the thirst for the fish man. I get the salo thirst even less. I cheered when jayce bonked him.
-i actually dont want jayce or viktor to appear in future projects. While i love the idea of them being ~not dead~, i think any further canonical storylines about them would devalue the extremely emotional ending they had. Like, imagine if they only bring one of them back?? What then?? No, i actually prefer post-canon fix it fanfics in this case. (Cough cough esp bc this way i can still plausibly delude myself into them being actually canon and yall KNOW it probably would not stay this way if their story continues)
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I feel like the way some of the fandom treats Jon is unfair and tbh borderline ableist. It's not his fault that he got hooked on statements by Elias/Jonah, it's very clear that he was being manipulated into it from the beginning. And even once he starts having to take live statements, he doesn't want to have to! He canonically hates that he has to do that to people for sustenance, but that compulsion isn't within his control.
Like c'mon. It's very heavily implied that he becomes genuinely suicidal because of his self-loathing around this, and how the other people around him are treating him like a monster and demanding he "just control" something that he isn't actually able to. Which isn't to say that Basira/Melanie/Georgie/s5!Martin etc. don't have the right to feel that way/that their responses aren't understandable, but they still aren't fair to Jon.
Jon's existence such as it is might not be fair, because his presence does harm others unintentionally. But sometimes that's how things are, and it's equally if not more unfair for the others to act like he's just a monster who should be put down and is selfish for continuing to want to live and be healthy.
Honestly, it sort of feels like some of the fandom has ignored/forgotten that the situation Jon is in isn't unique to a horror story, and in fact has many parallels in real life (whether that be addiction, mental disorder/disability, trauma, etc.) and that to take the view of "well he should've just Not Done That Stuff, skill issue, anyways you can't blame the others for how they treated him" is not exactly going to make actual people who are/have been in situations like that feel welcome in fandom spaces.
🗣️ (but no pressure)
I yea. Agree! I feel you can definitely have a discussion abt how much control Jon has over his actions, but at the end of the day, Jon has been manipulated to hell and back. But I also feel that a lot of it comes from a place of 'If I was in his situation I wouldnt do that' which has some victim blaming undertones, but also hes a fictional character in a fictional setting, which definitely influences how ppl talk abt him. If someone irl talked abt being abused and manipulated, along with having their addiction/disability taken advantage of, even if that same person would go on and on abt how 'The persons actually fine and its my fault' ppl likely would be very kind and take the situation very srsly, which isnt the same kind of reaction ppl have towards Jon, due to him being a fictional character - rosette
yeah i. heavily agree with this too anon. im way too tired to put any true thought into this like rosette did but yeah. people really dont take jons situation serious, and this extends to other characters in the series as well. the fandom doesn't often think further about avatars past 'haha they have to serve a dread power and they cant do anything about it' . - deceit
#why did i go off abt this. its nearly 7 and i havent slept. why am i like this - r#magpod#tma#the magnus archives#magpod confession#🗣
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"Trying to destroy them" is such a hyperbolic statement (very on brand for crink). Im not destroying anyone - im fully in my right to be transparent about how i was mistreated. If you dont want to have bad things said about you - dont do bad things. Crinkle did a lot of fucked up things. And no, this is not some distant past. Only very recently did crinkle apologize to his wife for cheating and actually showed any kind of shame over his behavior towards her. He continues to lie and try to cover for himself in regards to how he treated me. "Wild things" 100% real things that i have proof for... and honestly what i shared pales in comparison to some other shit crinkle pulled during all this :') Idk what u mean by checking tags - feels like u misunderstood / didnt read correctly tbh? I always knew what fic i was reading! The explicit nature of the fic was NEVER an issue for me. The issue was that both Crinkle and Krys acted as if their brains leaked out in the discord server i made for several people - they used absolutely no content warnings, they roleplayed very explicitly anywhere they wanted while being fully aware Nightjarteeth (cr's spouse) is uncomfortable with SA, r*pe, etc. We had RP & NSFW channels for a reason - they didnt use them when it was appropriate. And while i personally have high tolerance, waking up and seeing discussions about a teenager being sodomized with a hot curling iron in a channel meant for selfies, pets etc. first thing in the morning was a bit much even for me. No warnings, no spoiler marking, nothing. Very cool and considerate /s. Honestly what you wrote just reads like you didnt bother to read what i put out - I stated my issues very clearly. But no matter, your choice to blindly believe whatever Crinkle peddles to their readers. It is pretty gullible though, for anyone to believe what he says based solely on the fact they like his fic. As you said - you dont know this person. But i do. His wife does. Two other irl's called out crinkle oh his behavior as well. The truth is not always pretty. Honestly the bottom line is that what Crinkle is doing / has done had real life consequences and that pales in comparison to me making fanart and asking questions. Both Night and I were severely hurt and mistreated in all this - it's unfortunate you're not willing to put it on the equal ground with whatever Crinkle and Krys say.
CrinklyTinfoil bs
Just a collection of receipts since krys decided to go ahead and spew such backwards bs im no longer willing to keep this to myself - i only did in the first place because crinkles spouse (nightjarteeth) asked me to keep it tucked away for a while (Night is aware of the events and supports me in the situation last i checked). Crinkle really hates the idea of their behavior backfiring & someone they hurt speaking about the experience. They will do anything to discredit people, doesnt matter if they caused the sitch in the 1st place. Its all about appearances, distorting events and grasping at straws for them. If you're their reader and you choose to believe them - remember they were comfortable pulling wool over the eyes of their spouse and someone they called a "dear friend". Ask yourself why anyone else would be exempt from this. I might update this when i have more time on my hands.
#abt the /bullshit judging/ thing#these guys judged people more than anyone i know with no solid ground to stand on. If they cant take it - they shouldnt dish it out#if you consider their writing impressive then OOF sorry but ill take what u say with several grains of salt. You /read a lot/ a lot of what#House of night type of series? This could mean anything and isnt a qualifier / does not add any weight to what u say#ESPECIALLY if you think /crinks writing is some of the best/ LMAO. Like fr what are u reading if u think that...#I was willing to look past conveniences and plot holes for way too long and for someone like cr its not worth it. he wont do the same for u#Not that i cant enjoy flawed things. Im just unwilling to treat that fic as something it isnt and pretend its more than a silly amogus fic#(SILLY FIC - crinkles words btw! Why get so up in arms over a silly fic? Why be nasty to people over it? Hypocrisy)#plus i have no reason to be fair to someone who was snarky#judgemental#and overall obnoxious towards me#you get what you give etc#like i really dont owe these ppl anything after how ive been treated soz mate!#what they did is and always will be disgusting and they only kept making shit worse with their stupid actions#if youre not down with me for doing this then why are u down with crinkle lol.#He literally caused this entire sitch and threw a fit when me and night held our ground#did things 20 times worse than i would ever do#mostly to his spouse#like MUCH MUCH WORSE#this is nothing compared to the shit he pulled#genuinely unfortunate that there are ppl who believe such a manipulative person but THERES NOTHING I CAN DO ABT IT LOL#/People are doing the best to survive and keep themselves alive in this shltty world#so let's be better and stop making things more difficult for others?/#HEY you should really tell that to crinkle. Since he was the one taking his issues out on me while i had no idea whats up / trusted him#like why are we putting one ND individual above others? Only crinkles issues matter ig. As per usual. Its ok for him to victimize others#i guess i should just turn the other cheek and let him get away with with everything he did to me and my friend /s. 100% what he wanted btw#also why would i report or block u..? lol#your rb is nothing that would make me want to do either of those things#even if it was i wouldnt bother.#if anything youre kind of embarrassing yourself imho
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i understand why ppl don’t believe quackity rlly didnt know abt the working conditions with the admins, it’s his server, he should be overseeing everything, etc etc. but i think many ppl aren’t taking into consideration how massive of a project the qsmp is and how big the team is. on top of the roleplaying admins (eggs, capys, bunnies) there’s likely lots of offscreen admins, builders, mod devs, writers, artists working on the project as well. it makes total sense to me for q to have hired and trusted ppl to handle parts of quackity studios that he a. didn’t have time for b. didn’t have the experience to make the best decisions for or c. that he just didn’t want to do. at the end of the day q is a content creator and yes that means he also is a businessman and yes he owns quackity studios but he’s also shown himself to be INCREDIBLY busy and things like managing finances, vetting, hiring, and paying out employees takes a lot of time and can go super wrong if he didn’t have the knowledge or experience regarding how to do such things. he’s also shown himself to be pretty hands off with a lot of the server administration stuff, afaik he still isn’t op’d on his own server which makes sense bc he does have a team running things behind the scenes. i worked administration in a small office a while back and we had plenty of miscommunication issues bc my boss didn’t handle every part of his business. he didn’t even know how much i was being paid bc he had hired someone else to do the onboarding, offboarding, and payment for employees. even tho our team consisted of like 13 ppl at any given time, there were still miscommunications. and we were all seeing each other in person! we weren’t even dealing with differing time zones or different languages.
at the end of the day, q is young and inexperienced. he trusted the wrong ppl to handle parts of his business. all we can hope for is that things change for the better, the whole quackity studios team gets paid fair wages, have stress loads taken off of them, and feel safe and comfortable continuing with the project. i rlly hope pommes admin comes back bc the qsmp wouldn’t be the same without her even if another admin took the place of pommes character. idk if lea would want to come back but i feel like the door should be open for her too and she still deserves compensation for the work she did in her time working on the team. i have high hopes that things will get taken care of and some restructuring happens within the company
#qsmp#lex.txt#idk i just feel like ppl rlly jumped down his throat when the news first broke#and a lot of ppl have called him stupid or incompetent or what have u for not knowing what was happening but also have likely never worked#on an administration team or dealt with situations that would make him not knowing make complete sense#hell if i hadn’t had experience i probably would’ve also thought the same thing#but obv the qsmp is a major passion project and has had so much time money and care put into it#i don’t see q actively making the decision to jeopardize something he has dreamed abt for ages over something like this#or rlly anything at all#do i tag this as discourse????? idk wth#qsmp discourse#quackity
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So, I was romancing Sam on every playthrough but decided to branch out finally, and now I have a tier list; ‼️Potential spoilers‼️
Tobin: By far my favorite RO. I typically don't like the archetype of "brooding ro and their charming ro counterpart" It just doesn't interest me as someone who has seen a lot of het romances employ this trope. But giving Tobin the chance they deserve and finding that I like how they respond to my MC's own flirtatious nature and then discovering how they feel about my MC being the same gender, just adds an extra layer of interest for me that I appreciated. They're kind, considerate, and very thoughtful of their friends. Very quickly blew the rest of the competition out of the water for me. I think their mindset when it comes to tennis explains why they're not the no.1 Seed despite being the captain of the team, and it honestly surprised me. I think the full weight of their route is explored best when MC is similarly looking to go pro as it parallels Rayyan nicely. Their kidness is the space they give you is born from experience and the fear of doing to MC what was done to them and I just eat that stuff up. Also it is very rare to have a black RO who is treated with any level of depth, and I just 🥹love that we Tobin.
Rayyan: In a surprise twist, Rayyan gets the second spot for similar reasons as Tobin. I think the enemies to friends to lovers(partners) arc that is presented in their story is intriguing. Like Sam, they have a level of history with the MC that makes them familiar when heading into the new space, so I made it a habit to stay near them when at all possible. Rayyan isn't particularly cold, or as cold as ppl might assume, I think they have a very good balance of being a sort of quiet and reserved person that still manages to be personable. I feel that playing like I do, my MC might've come off as flippant to them, which only adds to the anxiety that they feel going into this season. Their struggle of being visually Arab in a world and country that sees non whiteness as punishable is very felt. It's really special to me that the two most prominent ROs are dark skinned people of color. Sorry for being biased, but even when I wasn’t actively romancing them, they got major points for that.
Sam: My baby gets the third spot and I think that's fair. What i adored about Sam is the pining of a friends to lovers story. I never make the first move with Sam, despite playing very flirty, bc I see my MC with not having to put up a front with Sam. So the things they do or say that signify to others that my MC is looking for something physical aren't used with Sam; they believe MCs closeness with them is strictly platonic while my MC believes that Sam has been lightly rejecting this whole time. Just something about those missed connections get to me. (Also, the varcity jackets!? So cute) Now, Sam loses points due to being away at another university for a majority of the story thys far. Which made me wonder if placing them in a new environment with MC might change things for them. Everything IS different now; so, who is to say that their relationship hasn't run its course? Juicy, but due to lack of presence, I'll keep them at 3rd.
G: They're French. Automatically, a point is taken off. They're also very sexy as a woman (my MC is a they/them lesbian) so I felt that, to remain true to character, I would have to ignore that and see what G has going on. Ngl, they do sort of play out like a romance novel character in the most obvious way so far 😭 no hate though. I just couldn't not think about "Oh, you sexy French student." Whenever they said anything. Smoldering looks from across the room at a crowded college party, like okay 400 days of summer <3. I think they're rather perfect for players who are looking for some steam outside of the locker room. They have the same issue as Sam, as in, they're not present in the locker room. They're not our teammate, so we don't really get the same level of relationship building with them as u would a Rayyan or Tobin. And I don't think that's a bad thing necessarily. I feel that speaks to the amount of work put in to make the team feel real and not just thrown together characters. Once I started to romance my teammates, I found it hard to flirt with anyone else, as I felt that they just didn't understand my MC on the same level.
Felix: ngl, they'd have to get security to get me off them, I have this burning rage in my heart whenever they show up. "🤼♂️ This is for Tobin, Cakepop‼️" I am sure there is indeed depth to them as a character, I am sure it hurts to hear someone say "I can not love you the way you want me to." And we are only human, we don't always behave the way we want to. But Felix makes my nipple itch they just remind me of men who just hold this anger for their exes unreasonably. I think there is an interesting parallel to be found in a Tobin route MC and Felix. I just don't have the language to put it together bc I will never romance them and I don't think I ever will, personally just can't bring myself to do so. They are what I felt Rayyan would be, and I'm fine with meeting them with hostility.
All in all, I'm glad I branched out to see what the other ROs were like it's definitely a testament to ur hard work and is greatly appreciated. I will continue to be messy and kiss Tobin, Rayyan, and Sam because I am toxic aim to be a learning experience, not a lover 🫶🏽
Oh my god~ It was so interesting to see your gradual evolution / journey through pursuing the different ROs.
I think it's really interesting in particular to see how Tobin's character is sort of 'hidden' beneath multiple layers, and you have to really work at unpeeling those layers, and it's really rewarding as a writer to see that route 'give' readers so much unexpected joy.
And, of course — I have a soft spot for stoic / unexpressive, overly-competitive, serious characters who are secretly just a giant sap. For Rayyan in particular, I think their drive to excel at tennis is counter-balanced against their loyalty, their ride-or-die-ness with the people they love. I love the extra bit of psychoanalysis that you did regarding Rayyan's anxiety about MC not taking tennis seriously, which is fine on its own, but really becomes an issue if they're partnered.
Sam having less 'screen-time' than the others is totally fair, and I think (or hope) will be made up for by the sheer amount of history they share.
As for the whole "French sexy" stereotype, I actually do think this is a crucial part of G's arc. The idea that perhaps they both see each other as 'archetypes' at the start (the jock-fling during one's exchange year, the sexy french exchange student), and then as they start understanding each other as real people, and then as they start (possibly) falling in love with each other (with all the eccentricities, all the imperfections), the relationship takes on more depth and dimension.
Finally, thank you so much for taking the time to explore all these different routes, and I'm so glad that doing so was rewarding for you :) I absolutely loved reading this message, so thank you also for sharing! It's always so fun listening to how different MCs, or different MC choices, and just different readers in general — have different takes on the ROs!
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i got beef with earth signs
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this is 100% gonna sound insane bc i know EEEEVERYONE loves their earth signs but good fucking GOD!!!!!!
lemme explain to u what is up. But also first i need u to know that if ur an earth sign, DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY 💔💔💔💔 there are many other factors at play here i dont just outright hate earth signs instantly but im not. Fond of them. the shitty ones anyway
ok so for starters, i have less than 1 earth placement in my whole chart (sun in 29° taurus that is Obliterated by the rest of my chart and made into 100% gemini), so im already not a big enjoyer of earth ofc
But lemme explain real quick-
capricorn is the most respectable earth sign to me, i generally love capricorns- virgo is 2nd place, they're usually chill- Taurus is 1,467,892,682,257,109,067th place.
so to be fair i mostly have beef with taurus But the other earth signs i got beef with too if they're garbage enough-
AND IK PPL ARE GONNA COME FOR ME so let me clarify immediately that i KNOW GOOD TAURUS PLACEMENTS- there are totally some tauruses that are super fucking dope, this is just a very broad statement im making n i am aware of that but Hear Me Out!!!!
i have pulled like a billion charts by now and ive noticed that people with serious issues, especially issues surrounding their self, have Mostly taurus placements.
these issues can be just about anything but it's Usually around their own psyche, like they dont know themselves fully and they lack drive or willpower.
and i know someone's gonna be like "well u just said ur sun is in 29° taurus" Ok well here's what's up- Im talkin abt taurus stellium kinda stuff, but in my case with my singular taurus/earth placement, yes i did actually have a period in my life where i didnt know myself and lacked drive, but i powered thru it God bless my saturn in 1st house 🙏🙏🙏
so ive begun to believe that where ppl love to say saturn is the great malefic, Taurus is actually the great malefic because it grounds an individual So Much that they cannot find themselves.
not to mention that earth isnt even a primary element- in the entirety of the universe, earth is incredibly finite and rare. it doesn't create itself, it's created by everything else like fire, water and air.
so this has actually sparked a theory in my head that i have put to test multiple times and it has held up every single time-
earth placements are like outlines waiting to be colored in by the rest of the chart.
what i mean by this is if you're a capricorn rising, but say you have like 1 billion aries placements, your capricorn will be colored in by aries, so you end up an aries-influenced capricorn (some of the best ppl btw)
or on the flip side, if you're a cap sun/mercury but you're a cancer rising, you're a cancer-influenced capricorn (also some of the best ppl when worked on bc ofc there's oppositions there)
this applies to all earth signs, but capricorn seems to be the most like- Easily influenced, probably because the cardinal energy makes them less stagnant.
as such, virgo is also influenced pretty easily because they're the mutable earth sign.
whereas taurus is much harder to influence because it's double earth (fixed + earth).
i think this is where the issues are with mostly taurus placements. if you have, say, sun, moon, mercury, saturn and maybe even uranus, all in taurus, the rest of your chart won't have a whole lot of room to influence the earth enough to make it like. Normal.
plus, earth is the only element that literally Does not move. earthquakes and landslides? Generally caused by activity of the other elements.
earth cannot move on its own, it just. Sits there.
water flows, wind blows, fire spreads, earth just... is.
plants Grow, yes, but only with the help of the other elements.
this is why i say you NEED placements in one of the other 3 elements in order to color or Activate your earth placement to make it Do Something, otherwise too many earth signs (very specifically taurus) in a chart and you might find it very difficult to Move in life, to find drive to do things, etc.
taurus is literally the epitome of an Obstacle. (again im talking about taurus the Sign in a Planet, not People who have taurus placements)
and i saw something a bit ago that said the worst sun and moon combo to have is earth sun, water moon- And i have either that, or double air- But the absolute WORST sun and moon combo in terms of Signs??? Taurus sun, cancer moon. Because that is literally immovable object vs unstoppable force.
to reiterate, i have seen plenty of healthy and lovely taurus placements, Melanie Martinez has her sun, mercury and maybe moon (bc it's 0° and im not sure if the time i have for her is super exact) all in taurus and i love her sm- but she's also a scorpio rising and has pluto in her 1st house which totally outweighs a lot of that taurus energy and transmutes it into what it should be.
to me, she is totally what taurus energy Should be. very artistic, gentle, slow-moving yes but not lacking drive or anything.
on the opposite side of the coin, we have jojo siwa, yknow Kammrmas a BICTH!!!! I SHOulda KNOWN EBTETETT!!!!! IF I HAAD A WIUSH I WOUDLEVVENEVVER E F F E D AORUDNDN!!!!!
she has sun, mercury, venus and north node all in taurus with her moon and chiron in capricorn, and she's a solid of example of what excessive taurus/earth placements Can do to someone- she clearly doesn't know what She wants because unfortunately she didnt get to be her own person because she grew up a child star- she grew into what her mom thought the people wanted to see, and now she can't get out of it
so she's trying to startle us with this whole karma rebrand fiasco because her jupiter is in leo and her rising is in aries- two fire signs, but not enough to outweigh the earth, especially because leo is fixed.
and with mercury in taurus, she literally cannot think about how to get out of it properly, she can't think outside the box because taurus is the box that mercury Despises.
i know all of this sounds a little (or very) biased or just dumb, but this is what I've legitimately observed in unevolved taurus placements-
earth signs as a whole ya im not a Huge fan of, but my mom is an aries influenced capricorn so id be lying if i said i absolutely hated all of them
and ofc awsten knight is a taurus rising with 99% capricorn placements, but his moon and saturn are both in air signs (gemini and aquarius respectively), and since saturn rules capricorn, that gives all of his cap placements an air/uranus influence (which explains why he's so peculiar sometimes but he's silly so it's ok)
jonathan davis is a sun/mercury capricorn and saturn in taurus, but he has so much of like every other sign that it gives the earth plenty of other elements' influence.
and again, these are mostly capricorns im talkin abt- If u wanna talk abt taurus specifically, my dad is a cap rising, taurus sun/moon/mercury, and he is the spitting image of everything i have talked about so far. he legitimately has no idea who he is or what he wants out of life, he has No driving fire.
so my bad if this came across as me just straight hating earth signs, i definitely dont, i just hate the super unevolved ones, especially the super unevolved tauruses 💔
and i say it almost every post But this is all my opinion, if u aint agree with it that is 100% fine, i got no beef with u fr, im doin my thing, u do ur thing, we do our own things separately n in our own lanes n we never bother each other 🙏
#astrologer#astrology#astro community#astro observations#zodiac#saturn#taurus#earth signs#taurus placements#earth placements
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I used to never spend money AT ALLLLLL and I’d just have it to loan to my parents when they needed it so I used to always have a consistent amount of money so I didn’t worry about a job too much but now I’m spending a lot of it on gifts and going out more and stuff so now I feel like I’m in poverty (I didn’t spend THAT much money but yeah it’s still way less and I cry myself to sleep about where all my money went) so this is like the first time I’m actually considering getting a job but I’m so tired from school now idk how that’s going to happen… and I hate being perceived by people… and I haven’t had a job like… ever not even baby sitting or lawn mowing bc I was so sheltered and privileged and I hated people even more than I do now… but I think I should atleast start getting some job experience because what if I’m suddenly 25 and my resume is literally a blank stained sheet of toilet paper,,,, embarrassing
When I wanted to kms Atleast I had a focus for my life like wtf am I doing now
#also I want money now for kpop albums and beauty / hygiene products I always feel guilty about buying these things bc I feel like I’m spend-#ing my parents money on them even though it’s MY MONEY but my finances have been used by them so much I feel like a human savings account#so I’d like for once 2b able to buy things and not feel guilty about it because it would actually feel like my money#I’m always so conscious about my parents money because I remember when my mom was literally in the hospital providing for us and we’d always#have to worry about bills and the irs and our literally falling apart house so that just scared me so much from spending money#and also when I was in elementary school my parents got mad at me giving A LITERAL DOLLAR to another kid for the book fair and that confused#me so much like ISNT SHARING SUPPOSED TO BE CARING WHY ARE YALL MAD AT ME FOR BEING GENEROUS#idek what I’d do as a job though I’d love to clean ppls houses (weird idk but I just love cleaning for some reason hashtag tradwife) but it#would feel so weird cleaning for random people but that would just be something I’d have to get over#also I wouldn’t want to steal employment from the housekeepers that actually desperately need money and not just a middle class teenager#needing pocket change#I’d also like to start up digital art commissions but 1st I haven’t had an art social media pressence in YEARSSS#2 I’m really not that good and there’s so many better artists offering their stuff and#3 literally where would I go… like fcking deviantart or somewhere I’m so lost I haven’t kept up with the digital art world since middle#school - I’ll probably just have to google shoot my shot and hope for the best and take whatever I get I won’t be doing furry inflation tho#I have some pride#I think finally getting a job would be kinda fun though but I already have so little time in the day to do stuff like homework literally-#takes the entire day already and I’m not even doing huge essays or something yet#and also again I hate interacting with people usually and dealing with ppl in school is already stressful enough now I have to deal with-#random jaded adults getting minimum wage like eugh#I’m privileged enough not to need a job or to have parents that force me to get one and also becoming of the age to start work during the -#pandemic so obviously my parents weren’t forcing me then to work the second I became old enough#also I have some disability issues I’m going through that has scared me from starting work bc idk how I’d be accomidated for a lot of jobs#sorry for the brain vomit omg why did I write so many tags… this is literally longer than what my job applications would be#enough about selfish me when did you start getting jobs? how did you start and did your parents force you to start working as soon as you -#became a teenager?
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hiii, I hope you're well. I want ask you about two synastry aspects if that's okay!
so I wanted to know your thoughts on Node conjunct Mars synastry in the 12th house and also Lilith conjunct Moon
Thank you so much! <3
Hiya! I can def explain my interpretation on this. Keep in mind this is just my interpretation!
Nodes conjunct Mars
Starting with the Nodes conjunct mars. Since the North/South nodes are all involving some form of karma, as well as the 12H house... paired with mars, the planet of sex, transformation, work, etc... I would say this aspect in synastry can bring a whole lot of change into your life, BUT it could also bring you a lot of of nothing too. When you have strong Node contact, particularly with personal planets, it is safe to say these two ppl came together to sort out, reap, or collect karma together. This synastry aspect is not easy, and I have seen this manifest in numerous ways. One of the most common ways I've seen this aspect play out is usually in a "what could have been" situation and/or situationship. If basing romantic compatibility on astrology, particularly this placement, I would say it can be very hard to maintain this relationship (not for everyone though) due to the fiery, impulsive nature of mars (or mars person) Negatively manifested, this couple can bicker for days, and sometimes have physically impulsive reactions, or heated debates. More positively manifested and I see two people who come together, feeling like they were on a "mission" in this life time. Given that all of this is happening in the 12H, I think it is fair to say that these two keep lots of secrets together, and from each other -- they probably often dream about each other a lot -- I have also seen this manifest as two people dreaming about their arguments too, and any issues they have. The 12H is also about hidden motives or enemies, what this synastry aspect can suggest is a few things: 1. You two came together to truly not know the motives of the other, but with the goal to learn discernment and trust. 2. This person *could* be a hidden enemy. 3. Both people with this synastry aspect some how sabotage the connection in some way, but they do more so with South Node mars synastry. However, when this happens -- it is often because mars person (or either person) has the wrong idea about the Node person. Sometimes one or both people could be under a delusion about the other person - particularly about their motives, intentions, morals, character etc. More positively aspected, and I see this having potential to be serious, consistent, loyal, and sacred. This could also be a very safe relationship as you feel this other person you have this synastry with knows your heart and soul to the core.
Lilith conjunct Moon
In terms of lilith conjunct moon... I will give my vague opinion because it genuinely depends on who is what placement, and where this aspect is but, I have noticed there is a unique sense of vulnerability the other person brings out of you. People you have this synastry with (romantic or not) will at some point, see you at your worst, and still love you for who you are (this is also for lilith conj. moon natal). I will say, this can be a challenging placement... especially since it seems a big theme of this aspect deals with emotional wounding & reoffending. The lilith person can often trigger the moon person's emotional wounds, especially if those wounds pertain to the mother wound. There's also an element of risk to this connection -- be it actual risk like one or both of you are unavailable (this gives emotional affair vibes), or one person feels a bit afraid to be emotionally vulnerable with the other due to the other's often displaced temperament There is definitely a bit of obsession involved with this aspect, as at some point one or both people feel very deeply invested in one another, and very curious to explore the deeper, darker sides of each other's psyche. Basically, this aspect can suggest a very deep and emotional, sexy connection that could be a bit obsessive and toxic if there's lots of bad aspects. I can also say with most certainty that one of the biggest themes of this aspect involves triggering each other's mother wounds, or in general, bringing up heavy issues with a mother figure. Could also signify that one (or both) of you have a mother who lacks boundaries and crosses the line (or could) with you partner. Lots of rough stuff can go on with this placement too.
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