#i have such poor memory
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I break my silence once more to reminisc on a memory that haunts me, 8 years later🙃
I was a waitress for 5 years and at one point, a girl from my highschool worked with me. I worked with this girl for a YEAR. I TRAINED her even! Eventually, she left to work somewhere else.
That isn't the issue.
The issue, is that a couple months after she left, she came in with her family to eat (it was a party if like, 20-ish people) and I was the one waiting on them.
At some point during their dinner, she goes "Hey, Oma, do you remember me? " Because I hadn't really acknowledged her as more than a customer.
AND I
LIKE A DUNCE
Think, and respond "oh, didn't we go to highschool together?"
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I FORGOT WHO SHE WAS AND FORGOT THAT I FREAKING WORKED WITH HER FOR A YEEAAARRR. AFTER GOING TO THE SAME HIGHSCHOOL FOR 4 YEARS?!?!?!
END MEEEEE. ☠️☠️☠️ I STILL THINK ABOUT THIS 8 YEARS LATER AND DIE INSIDE.
I doubt she ever thinks of me, because we were never close to begin with (we got along, just didn't become friends), but man, I hope she wasn't hurt by that😭😭😭
I wish I could remember her name so I could apologize🥴🥴🥴
Why must I be cursed with goldfish memory.
#i was laying on my couch minding my own business#and then the memory hit me like a bus with a vendetta#yall#i have such poor memory#like#when I stop seeing someone regularly Im lucky if I remember their face#but I WILL forget your name#and I don't mean to do it😭💔#aaahhhhhh#i legit yelled *nononono I need music to distraft myself*#and started blasting JVKE lol#someone kill me#jk I like living#someone improve my memory lol
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McGucket is increasingly having anxiety problems, as he was before, and these anxiety problems are actually not problems, they are him being right about what they’re doing.
But he so wants to please Ford. I think McGucket sees his own value as “I’m the guy who builds stuff, and you’re the idea guy, and I’m valuable to you when I’m building stuff. And when I have a problem I can build a solution, and any time there’s an emotional issue, you build your way out.”
So the canon became that McGucket proposed such a thing (the memory gun) early on, and then was told “You shouldn’t do that”, and then like an addict, like an alcoholic who has a little sip and notices it takes the edge off, privately, he can’t bear to say it to Ford. He’s keeping a lot from Ford, he’s keeping just how scared he is of what they’re doing, he’s keeping just how concerned he is. McGucket doesn’t really know what’s going on, but he’s internalizing and thinking, “I just need to be a better partner. If I have anxiety, I’m gonna pop anxiety pills, and I’m gonna get through this.”
#ik this is very abstract and whatever but im playing around with colour and i just needed to get it out there that i AM a stanford hater#this poor mans mind has been shattered to pieces and for WHAT. he should have been at the club#gravity falls#stanford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#my art#this ones unfinished but whatever#try not to make the memory gun lightbulb look like an inflated condom - challenge: impossible#tw alcoholism#tw addiction#tw eyestrain
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very fond of the ann reardon debunk videos where she makes an awful recipe or food hack from some content farm and then feeds it to her husband. Yeah this hack is dangerous and doesn’t work and is quite bad, and now its Dave’s turn in the torment
#Every day I think well why don’t I just go to the store and buy ingredience and make a damn cake#Well the answer is I have poor memory and chronic pain sir. But mark my words one of these days im going to grab a reardon recipe#And have a nice sweet treat
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father daughter holy spirit
#posting this first#if i have done so before. forgive me. i have poor memory#cosplay#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#five nights at freddys#fnaf ruin#fnaf security breach#mxes#william afton#fnaf vanny#spring bonnie#springtrap#fnaf movie
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You know what day it— Daisuke?! Happy 24th Anniversary Zero Two! [Redraw 2020 / Appmon] [2021 / Tamers] [2022 / Frontier] [2023 / V-Tamer]
#Digimon#Odaiba Memorial Day#Odaiba Day#Digimon 02#Motomiya Daisuke#My art#This year was awkward because there's no like. Even Number Anniversaries this year#And the next few years are gonna have a few kinda overlapping ones (including Zero Two's 25th)#But since I started this weird ass tradition with Tamers' 20th Anniversary I did kinda skip Zero Two#(I did also technically skip Adventure but also since Reboot Taichi has been included since the begining I think it's fine)#(Adventure is still represented in Spirit) (Also I did V-Tamer last year so we got Double Taichi Action now)#So we're doing Zero Two this year#Poor boy Daisuke shouldn't have been left out this long. Now he gets to join the rest of the gang in the Calendar Purgatory :)#August 1st claims another gogglehead#(Had to start drawing the calendar bigger man I can't fit everyone in it otherwise)
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Ah, childhood memories (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Gaster#Having such clear external-view memories of what happened when they were young would probably give Sans a lot of ammunition lol#Not that they'd know any different - their poor memories honestly :( - but having such clear memories in places would have to be weird#Most people have childhood amnesia to an extent! Tho it's hard to say when that would've applied to them anyway with their sped-up growth#Not to mention the trauma#And it's possible that doesn't apply to Monsters to begin with lol - but it's all a moot point anyway since these are their only memories!#It's sad to think of how much of themselves are missing forever since Gaster didn't experience them :(#This is what happens when you get behind on your work >:0#I really wonder what their lack of memories/restoration of memories would do for their like/dislike of certain things!#Like how Papyrus says that sitting with Sans in his lap makes a lot of sense as to why it was so familiar and comforting#But also that knowing makes it sad as well :( Knowing recolours their understanding and interpretation!#Knowing Why makes things make sense but does it actually Help? It's a tough question - certainly it hurts in the moment#The little things Gaster has infected for them and for himself ♥ Like taking notes! Like chess and sweets and spaghetti and lab coats#And dark sweaters and cigarette smoke and hugs and intelligence - how many pieces of all of them have A Feeling attached#How many more have A Memory - and even more than that A Memory Lost and unrecoverable ughhh ♥#But the little things they can hold on to hehe <3 Like pinging Gaster for what they all know and remember#Why does he even keep coming over if he knows the reception he'll get? Lol#Feels particularly self-loathing and goes to get bullied as penance pfft
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Do people also have that horrible random moment when your brain bullies you for not knowing enough about a topic you consider yourself passionate about ?
#I love love love when people are so passionate and excited about something#I love learning about new things#especially when they're related to stuff I enjoy !#but I also have a very poor memory and I feel bad when I cant remember as many things as them#I feel like I should know way more than I do but just cant#I wish I could be capable to show how passionate I am too like them#anyways </3#weurgh
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More poto Italy inspired stuff
#I ask again why is remembering stuff so hard#it’s drawn from memory few hours after seeing the performance#as you can see I’m a huge sucker for ramin so I didn’t do him that dirty#well maybe a little#poor amelia tho#I should have looked up a reference for her :’)))#anyway it was super fucking cool if you couldn’t tell#the graveyard scene is still stucked in my head#fucking angel Erik really?#not that I complain#poto italy#erik poto#poto fanart#phantom#poto#phantom fanart#erik phantom fanart#phantom of the opera#the phantom of the opera#ramin karimloo#phantom of the opera fanart#christine daae#fanart#so much hashtags aghhhh
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Awww, look at this:'>
Another reminder that he cannot forget:(
And this moment is, chef kiss✨
Moment of vulnerability and security I simp
The fluff moments giving reassurances and singlehandedly healed my heart—
#lcf#trash of the count's family#cale henituse#tcf#lout of the count's family#lcf novel#raon miru#alberu crossman#lcf part 2#yeah im so slow at this i blame myself for having poor memories
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@forgivenpunishment // one taser might not do it, but what about...?
Holding off a wave of people was no small effort.
Keeping an army off the back of another person while throwing yourself in harm's way, regardless of your strength, was something noble. Something that deserved praise, recognition; the undertaker's efforts would not go unnoticed.
... unfortunately for him, though, it wasn't Vash that they wanted. It wasn't Vash that would be swarmed by fully-amped stun batons and tasers and more bodies trickling in, crowding the hall to prevent escape, or even basic movement that might've allowed him to get the upper hand as some old, croaking voice shrieked don't kill him! We need him alive, he's useless to us dead...!
That had been nearly an hour ago, now, though. Trivial. Shouts and crackles of electricity had been replaced by the din of machines; the hum of glaringly bright surgical lights; the slow, steady blip of a heart monitor keeping track of vitals as six men bustled around the surgical table that they'd strapped him to. They'd cut him out of his clothes to save time, as well; naked save for the various nodes and monitors they'd fastened to him, and a clean, white sheet over his hips that went down to mid-thigh.
Was that sparing his dignity, or theirs? It didn't really matter, did it. No, no, what mattered now was how the subject was feeling whenever he came to again--
#curtains up ✧〗( ic )#unmade ✧〗( main verse )#plotted ✧〗conrad's cast-offs ( w/ forgivenpunishment )#he might get burned but he's in the game ✧〗mothwood ( forgivenpunishment )#( and now we torment poor mw for a little while )#( feel free to add whatever flickers of fight memory or npc movement you want! you can puppet doctors too~ )#( i don't *currently* have any specific ideas so I will follow your lead )#( (and if I think of something particularly stabby I will hit u up >:3) )#forgivenpunishment thr 05
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I bet Soda’s spelling wasn’t even that bad and Ponyboy’s just a pretentious prick
#I think I checked once and there were I THINK (I have a bad memory don’t quote me) like three mistakes and they were all minor#pony’s just a judgmental dick#it’s cool tho he’s funny#I love him he’s my baby#poor soda was just trying to say how much he misses him and how hard everyone was taking it#the outsiders#the outsiders 1983#ponyboy curtis#sodapop curtis
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Reading journal 3 again is a reminder that... Well Ford is kinda an asshole towards Fiddleford. It's not just Stan. Like he's so focused on himself and his project and his ambition that anyone/thing else blurs out (him disregarding Fiddleford's nervousness around the gremloblin because he wants to sketch it, and when it goes sideways, him talking about the safety of the project parts BEFORE how Fiddleford was doing in his journal, multiple times. Priorities much?) and he's demeaning towards Fiddleford's own project (which ends up being wayyyy more important then Ford's discoveries)... Like damn Fiddleford, u left ur wife and young son for this guy?
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#ford squared#like... i get where reading the journal so its more of Ford unfiltered thoughts but it REALLY shows his priorities#and yeah I'm nor saying there wasnt good things in their relationship but Ford still is very much by this point extremely self-absorbed#and it SHOWS and its not... it bot very pretty. like we joke about Bill fumbling Ford and how great Ford is but like ..#compared to McGucket who earnestly cared Ford... was extremely self-absorbed and selfish. and like McGucket definitely#began to help Ford step out of his self-absorption and solely being driven by his ambition but in the end it ended terrribly#literally McGucket feeling so unsafe in the relationship and where he was that he made the memory gun and then USED IT UNCONSENTED on Ford#because he couldnt destroy it and Ford demanded him too... like yikes#anyways theyre all a fucking delight to chew on#this is not supposed to come off as ford squares disliking this is me going those two arent as wholesome as u might think when they were#younger. or maybe since im not a lurker in that part of the fandom i just have a poor conception of what its like compared to like. billford#like you can REALLY see what Bill likes in Ford#hugin rambles#hugin rambles gf
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The childlike penmanship and utter abundance of hiragana and katakana that has its own implications aside, I was going to talk about how sweet and sad it was that the only kanji Shouma knows is "mother" (母). But then someone told me he also knows the kanji for "help [me]" (助)...that certainly adds to the context of Shouma's memories of his mother mainly being shrouded in fear
#14shyx#kamen rider#kamen rider gavv#kr.gavv: episode 1#gavv spoilers#(thanks to lucy for telling me about the 助 bc i couldn't read shouma's handwriting for that part ^^;#+ haven't gotten around to reading the letter while listening to the voiceover ^-^ <3)#the memories so far consist of: 1) she's warning him to not eat evil gummies#2) screaming as she gets eaten 3) throwing herself over a terrified shouma when they got cornered; and#4) while this isn't an on-screen memory she only taught shouma 母 and 助 because his mum is all he has on a planet filled with pg cannibals#...no wonder he had that panic attack :D *i* would probably have a panic attack#poor boy i hope you can live in a warm safe home and have access to an all-you-can-eat dessert buffet :(#cough right after you snap like a twig once or twice coUGH
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Mu Qing ascending is objectively so funny considering Feng Xin and Xie Lian also do. Out of the people in your kingdom who accomplished immortality there’s this guy who used to be your servant but is now on equal rank to you and he‘s super rude now and also thinks you hate him because he remembers when you were 18 and lacked socioeconomic-interpersonal awareness
#he doesn’t even hold the ignorance against you. you hold it against him though#list of people who ascended from Xianle: the crown prince and his noble bodyguard. also the prince’s attendent who came from poverty#like mu qing only got to cultivate because of a very specific set of circumstances but like he did it very successfully#it’s hilarious#by all rights he worked harder than them both but he sure got there#also you see him as super rude and mean now while the people of his region keep insisting he’s kind gentle and refined etc.#Feng Xin looks at Mu Qing as if they were in the same boat and Xie Lian looks at Mu Qing like they were in the same boat#and Mu Qing is there doing their chores on top of studying and training and caring for his mother looking at their idealistic nonsense#with many question marks#Xie Lian and Feng Xin: our past friend Mu Qing#Mu Qing: ah yes. my employer. who I would like to befriend but unfortunately I have dignity.#tgcf#like sorry not everyone has the awareness or priorities or ideas another who grew up poor might smh#also he has like a ridiculously impeccable memory so like. yea he DOES remember when you were 18. in vivid detail.#he used to prepare your clothes so has your whole cultural fashion line embedded into his head forever. including the jewelry#imagine being 800 years old and the guy that used to steam your clothes every morning and fold them every night lives next door#isn't that so embarrassing#that guy remembers EVERYTHING too#you don't remember that stuff but HE DOES?????
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part Three
For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how that’s affected by the present!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative
When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, I’ve talked about how what’s shown and omitted tells us about a character, and we’ve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, it’s not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.
This? Linking structure to a character’s in-universe preferences?
This is where we get unhinged.
Before I start, let’s quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isn’t strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesn’t like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesn’t lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one character’s preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events – which is what makes Wei Wuxian’s influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and that’s not an insult, quite the opposite!).
To begin: we’ve established that times such as Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege aren’t shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But that’s not the only special thing about them. They’re also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either can’t remember, or doesn’t like to dwell on.
This is why discussing Wei Wuxian’s treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesn’t focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, it’s respecting not only a character detail – which would be cool by itself – but also an active decision. One that shapes the story it’s made in.
In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxian’s agency!
Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldn’t like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, they’re only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!
Wei WuXian hadn’t woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didn’t let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, “… Don’t… Don’t be angry…” Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, “I am not angry.” Wei WuXian, “… Oh.” Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!” Chapter 63, EXR translation
Which, of course, is him dwelling on…
Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Go back to Gusu with me.” Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, “Go back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?” He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.” Chapter 62, EXR translation
…the painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:
He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, “This leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (…)” (…) “Wei WuXian, I won’t ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely won’t remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!” (…) “In the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!” “My shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!” Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation
And Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts and words:
Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants and him. (…) Wei WuXian, “Now it’s time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. It’s like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said they’d kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?” Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translation
Once again, Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts relate to the flashbacks we’ve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, they’re also events which Wei Wuxian’s own choices and actions shaped – which he has this to say about:
“The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!” Chapter 82, EXR
Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by others’ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer… which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat we’ll soon discuss). But it’s still important to note – especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldn’t seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.
Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when they’re relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:
At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasn’t good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR
Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place – returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more – it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)… but there’s another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxian’s present thoughts don’t lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events aren’t something Wei Wuxian wouldn’t focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, they’re free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if he’s not dwelling on them in the present moment!
So, to summarise: Wei Wuxian’s decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, it’s in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still aren’t shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.
This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but I’d like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said I’d talk about the Golden Core transfer – though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything we’re shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxian’s agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a character’s dialogue!
And to clarify – I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didn’t want to write about Wei Wuxian’s time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxian’s death). That doesn’t prevent it from also being intentional – MXTX’s intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and there’s nothing disproving it – but there’s no proof for either option, so I won’t pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like I’m overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.
But, whether it’s intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it – so, regardless, it’s something I’ll explore. Because taking this into account… We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we aren’t just shown it in the text, we aren’t even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story they’re in, but Wei Wuxian’s agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! That’s how we’re shown its importance! How cool is that?
At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts
In this essay, we’ve covered how important Wei Wuxian’s agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isn’t important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. We’ve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him – out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxian’s life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or others’ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, we’ve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way – it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.
It’s quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative – that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil – and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own – that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) – to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.
(Or, if an image would be preferable:)
Thank you for reading!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
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*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think it’s such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)!
#get ready for tag thoughts because there are a LOT of them#it’s for THIS reason that fanon wwx bothers me so much (didn’t want to get negative on the acual post)#bc so often all the changes are changes that woobify him!#self-sacrificial idiot wwx?? only doing things because… poor him he has so many internal issues and values himself so little-#-so of course he’d sacrifice everything before thinking of another option? woobifying#(whenever he sacrifices something it’s a deliberate choice to act on his morals because he values his morals so much – and he’s also very-#-capable and DOES often find ways for no people to get hurt!)#wasn’t aware that what happened to him at lotus pier was wrong and needs lwj to tell him that for him to have any idea if it?#woobifying (as we see in the lotus seed pod extra he KNOWS it’s unfair)#(he downplays it retroactively in his memory (links into not focusing on the bad things in his life))#(but that’s the actions themselves that are being downplayed not their fairness!)#he chooses to act! he is defined by acting! not tragedy – all the more impressive in the face of the amount of tragedy that’s happened#he could SO EASILY have been a woobie but instead he’s the opposite of one: defined BY his agency instead of the absence of it#that doesn’t mean he’s not impacted by tragedy or trauma – he is! but it’s not the most important aspect of his character (bc he doesn’t le#it’s also something that bothers me about the changes cql made#by making qq path and nightless city the fault of someone else it means he IS someone who’s more a victim of circumstance than anything els#he had no control over the tragedies of his first life at all#apart from ig his death being controlled by him? because he just leaps off the cliff during the nightless city siege?? but in THAT case it’#i watched that part recently (i’m getting through it very slowly) and yeah it reaffirmed my love for this aspect of the book even more#despite. having these exact thoughts for two years already#he also dwells on the past events a lot more than book wwx which adds to that version of him BEING defined more by tragedy rather than who#anyway over 7.3k words total (and 400 more in the tags apparently)... it'll be posted to ao3 in its completion this evening!#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#魔道祖师#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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