#i have some safety concerns with this
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omfg the logistics of s.t.a.r.s. makes me sick. like there is absolutely no need for them to work for 24 hours 7 days a week for what they are. in my mind it would be that alpha have the day shift and bravo have the night one but even then like. it makes no sense. because they would be 12 hour shifts... every day... that's. no.
#leah.txt#capcom i need you to fix this bullshit just for my brain#like omfg. can you image. 6am to 6pm or something. that's hell. like i know jobs have 12 hour shifts i know this but they don't go for#SEVEN DAYS IN A ROW#there are off days....#funny though cause the rest of stars are suffering with that but then there's wesker who not only has to do this but he has the job duties#of being the captain for alpha team and basically commander overall BUT ALSO he's the chief of security at umbrella. like. he doesn't sleep#i feel like surely they'd have like weekends Off but they are still on call if things happen?? who knows. cause 7 days... no... like even 5#days of 12 hours isn't right so it's wild#idk how this makes sense at all but augh#OMFG I JUST READ IT AGAIN AND NO. its 24 hours for one team and then they switch.......... NO. NUH UH. THAT'S.... no.#it's literally unnecessary for what they are and the skills the attention they would need for tasks. changing after 12 hours makes more#sense and even that's a lot so. capcom please explain the logic behind this to me. true story behind biohazard book please explain this.#''these two teams work in shifts. one day each. in other words alpha team works a 24-hour shift for a day followed by bravo team''#i have some safety concerns with this#oh reading this and just some casual misogny thrown in there once again. capcom it's literally unnecessary to keep doing these throw#away lines. like no one was thinking that so why did you say it??#anyways this is bullshit lmaooo can i redesign the stars work hours please?#just for what they do i don't think 24 hours makes sense to keep someone awake that long when they need to be alert and such but what#do i know ougoughg#i mean a lot of stuff in this book manual thingy have been retconned but it's so wild
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The familiarity is not very comforting (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Papyrus#Asgore#Always with memories/lack of memories being distressing! How memories shape action interests me quite a lot#Papyrus and Sans both have the ''this has been on me since forever so it's normal'' outlook on the plates#Defensive when other people get concerned about their lack of concern haha <3#But what if ♪#Honestly probably could be set anywhere but I wanted Papyrus to be worried for Sans' safety and not fully know why <3#Lots of very I don't know why I know this but I'm not happy about it haha#Can you tell I didn't use references for this from Asgore's outfit and the boys being on the opposite sides lol#It was very fun to draw them being carried haha ♥ Asgore's gigantic hands#Teeny tiny babies even still haha#In case it's unclear - Sans is looking at Asgore's text in the second panel and putting two and two together about his hand plate#That was a point of curiousity for me while I was reading :0 All the other text Gaster uses to communicate is WingDings!#All the papers he has the boys do and obviously his native font to speak haha#Wondered briefly if it was perhaps that distancing thing I mentioned a bit back in reference to ZEX actually haha#Like swearing in a different language - a way to not claim the action as his own in some small sense#Or perhaps as reference to their fonts being in that alphabet? I wonder!#I love their little interactions in how they look out for each other even in small ways <3#Papyrus concerned of course! Falling is dangerous! It'll be more obvious why later but this is emotionally a very strong and real feeling!#And Sans wants to do anything he can to not make his brother sad ♥#It'll all turn out okay you two 💕
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What a whimsical looking young man I wonder if he has received any job offers recently
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#my art#project sekai#rui kamishiro#if u saw this get posted before: no u didn’t#forgot to schedule the post for the morning incident 60 dead 600 injured.#i feel obligated 2 say I actually post abt pjsk on my main (apotelesmaa) frequently (I have brain worms)#& I only post on this blog once in a blue moon and it’s usually not serious art atp#so do not expect anything.#curtain call. what an event. love rui he’s such a good character. I hope he explodes.#he is so full of love and so bad at recognizing his emotions and problems.#‘I don’t have any emotional hang ups about anything’ says the guy who has so many emotional hang ups#rationalizing pulling back as safety measures instead of fearing abandonment/concern of hurting tsukasa (or others) again ->#rationalizing accepting asahi’s job offer because it’s the best for his future even if it’s not the best for himself#also tbh I think to some degree u could argue accepting the job offer was his way of getting ahead of being abandoned#not that it would happen and not that he’d recognize that to begin with#negative self awareness king! he is not processing his emotions at all!#would love for him to mention the job offer in a future event. even just offhandedly. shaking him by the shoulders. talk to ur friends moron#me when I’m in a not recognizing what I’m feeling and how it effects me competition and my opponent is rui kamishiro from hit game pjsk#etc etc. anyways.#once again falling into the ‘sure whatever this can go on the art blog’ category#in that I used simultaneously too much effort and very little in creating it#once again: [hope you’re hungry. for NOTHING] dot jpeg. as is typical here at hallowclave dot tumblr dot com.
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this is like the third time ive had to post something like this but you guys need to stop treating unodum like a celebrity or fangirl over him or act like its some sort of gift to be talked to by him or especially treat his friends weirdly because they talk to him regularly. ive gotten word that his friends are being treated as special just because they have connections to him and being asked to like say stuff to him or whatever??? which is legitimately very very gross behavior. cause its not only really uncomfortable for uno but it gets very awkward and uncomfortable for me and his friends. im aware my popularity in the regretevator fandom is largely because im associated with him and in all honesty from the START that concept has made me pretty upset. neither me nor his other friends want to be seen as special just because we’re close to him. its part of why i didnt make much outside of the blog AND why i just abandoned the blog and the fandom altogether. i think a lot of you guys are a younger audience and are still learning internet etiquette and social boundaries, but this needs to be a lesson in how NOT to treat others on the internet, especially content creators. this isnt to say dont attempt to build friendships with people you think are cool and feel like you have things in common with, but you cant go into that with the mindset of “i worship you notice me.” you need to understand that no matter how popular your favorite creator is, theyre literally just a person. thats it. just a person. not a god, not a character, just a person. im really fed up
#these kinds of posts come from me mostly because i am his qpp and feel pretty concerned about his safety and comfort#and you guys reallyyyyyyy test me sometimes!!!!#i dont even like posting all that much anymore because of this#if i dont post something that has to do with knl or uno then nobody cares#i dont feel comfortable riding on his success or just being seen as the person always doing stuff with uno#it was fun when the blog was like a collaborative thing because it felt like both of us were making the content#but more and more i realized the posts that were more drawn by him or in his style were the ones people liked more#and people just also kept assuming he was the only one working on the blog when my username is right fucking yhere at the top#and its just infuriating to see people literally kissing thr ground he walks on#all you guys fucking care about is what unos next move is i swear to god#fucking stalkers all of you#i KNOW some of yall r just gonna say oooh youre just jealous because hes more popular#but dog we have talked multiple times in dms about how hes not cool with this either#thats all whatever this isnt gonna fix anything but what can i do
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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lmao so I’m officially going to tell my supervisor I’m resigning this week
#I have never done this before#or written a letter#I am stressed lmao#and preparing for some unemployment 🫠#(and yes I know it would be better to wait until I’m employed)#(but some safety concerns and other ethical considerations drive this decision)#also I don’t know when? like do I do it during supervision… or schedule a different time…#ugh this is so uncomfortable#sentences border on senseless
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guess who's gna hv to go to the hospital tmr and probably hv the infected wound surgically removed
#ITS ME ☝️☝️☝️☝️💥💥💥#skipping sch is so fun yall infection be damned#okay tiny rant after this yall hv been warned#THIS GIRL VERY FUNNY AH#bro ur concern means absolute jack SHIT to me if all youre gna do is be a bitch about it#yeah okay i admit i have zero clue how to treat wounds esp infected ones n i didnt even know the infection was this severe until someone#until my friends told me today#LIKE YEAH I ADMIT ID BE THE TYPE OF PERSON FIRST TO DIE IN A HORROR MOVIE#but like that doesnt give you the excuse to keep calling me dumbass/idiot/stupid#and all the other synonyms of dumb youve been calling me today????#like girl YOURE the certified first aider not me???#and like the qualifications doesnt even give u the right to call me dumb like what the hell#like ik shes concerned for me bec she was the one helping me treat my wound today b4 i saw a doctor#but like she kept making it sound like im a 5yo w absolutely zero sense of safety and shit#and like she kept making it sound like i was FORCING her to help me#NO I WASNT ??#YOU OFFERED?? THEN YOU STARTED BEING AN ASS ABOUT IT???#then like she kept. calling me stupid. like even after the joke got old#bec at first it was her and my other friends teasing me about it and it was funny at first but then she kept going on n on even after that??#then she forced me to see a doctor which i admit was smart i shldve gone to a doctor like. yesterday 😭😭#but then when we were at the clinic she deadass said smth along the lines of “i hv to work and worry sm bec of YOU today”#as if i forced her to accompany me to the doctor??? but it was HER idea ????#also she deadass called the nurse who dressed my wound unprofessional#and she called the doctor i saw on saturday useless bec the antibiotics he prescribed me last week werent working#like. bro if ur so smart then why dont YOU go med sch rn and become a doctor huh#bro ur goofy ahh 1y/o first aid cert aint shit compared to the guy who spent 12+ years studying med n working for even more years than that#like i cannot get over the fact she kept calling me dumbass the entire day#and it was so aggressively too and she threatened to slap me bec i was “being stupid”#and like she kept making my infection out to be so severe as if i wld drop dead right that second or my arm wld fall off or some shit#AAAAAAAAA THIS GOT SO LONG I HIT 30 TAGS WHOOPS HAVE A MWAMWA IF U READ THIS LONG IM SORRY IM JS PISSED BUT I TRIED NOT TO SWEAR 😭😭🙏🙏
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When you tell people they should be sending every spare penny to their chosen Gaza fundraiser or they are Bad. But then it all gets a bit too stressful so you have to leave tumblr. :(
#if you know who i'm talking about don't say the username let's be civil#to me this is an example of dishing it out but you can't take it#like oh does it not feel good to feel like shit? you need a break?!#btw i've spoken with the organiser of the fundraiser in question- they live in pennsylvania#according to them they are withdrawing the money a few thousand dollars at a time from the GFM#then transfer the money to the family in gaza out of their account and eat the fees (so kind! there is no proof though)#there's also no way to prove that none of the money raised stays in their account. i have only seen some transfer screenshots#which frankly could be anything. the gfm still says the money is for evacuation but the organiser now says (to me) it is for daily food etc#but the campaign still talks about evacuation. i have asked them to update it to make it clear money is being spent on other things#and to explain if the plan is still to evacuate- that is why these gfms have high goals because of that war profiteering egyptian company#people donate so people can FLEE to SAFETY and if that's no longer the plan you must SAY THAT#they probably will not update the gfm though#it's not like there are 10s of 1000s of dollars involved here or anything /s#i am extremely concerned that at least some of these funds are being skimmed by the bank account owner#i've been watching gfm scamming from waaaay before 7/10 made evacuation from gaza an urgent matter#and large amounts of money is so so soooooo tempting for an everyday person#like easy access to that amount of money that is not rightly yours is dangerous!!#i hope someone is investigating this issue- might email the podcast the opportunist and see if they can have a look
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There is never an excuse to not use someone’s preferred name and pronouns. Unless they’re closeted around some people and ask you not to, there is literally no good reason to not just refer to them how they want to be. No one is being protected when you intentionally misgender a trans person, or when you insist on using a deadname— even if you “don’t agree” with the existence of trans people, or think that gender identity shouldn’t be treated the way it is in whatever way. You’re not standing up for yourself and you’re not standing up for others— you’re just being an asshole.
If your friend’s legal name was Katherine, and she told you “please don’t call me Katherine, I have negative associations with that name, call me Kathy instead,” then would you still insist on calling her Katherine because you don’t think it makes sense to use another name, even though you know it causes her significant emotional distress?
Intentionally deadnaming and misgendering someone because “it doesn’t make sense” or “you don’t agree” makes you just as much of an asshole as that. Changing the language you use to refer to someone hurts no one and helps them immensely. Intentionally misgendering someone just makes you look like an asshole and, quite frankly, stupid as well.
If you want to have an actual debate about the ethics of trans healthcare or whatever, the least you can do is actually respect your opponents. Fundamentally, respect for one another is key to proper debating. But no, you don’t want a debate, you just want to beat people down.
#caught a glimpse of some terf bs#like#ffs you can argue all you want about things you feel are genuinely a threat to your safety#like I get that!! a lot of those thoughts and fears are coming from trauma!!#and it’s not easy to unlearn!#I would be a lot more sympathetic though if there wasn’t the constant use of dehumanizing language and blatant lack of care#but well that’s just how it is#anyway even if there WAS a legitimate concern#refusing to refer to someone the way they’re comfortable with doesn’t have anything to do with it#even if there IS concern to be had over puberty blockers/HRT for minors/etc#misgendering a trans kid isn’t protecting them#even if said kid DOES decide they’re cis later on doesn’t make it okay to refuse to acknowledge their current identity#and if you want to claim you speak for/care about those you see in your mind as ‘women’ (afab people overall)#then DON’T FURTHER ENDANGER TRANS MEN BY CALLING THEM WOMEN/BEHAVING THE SAME WAY AS THE ABUSIVE#TRANSPHOBIC FAMILY MEMBERS OR PEERS WHO DRIVE TRANS MEN TO SUICIDE!!!#respect people’s right to self determination#learn to treat trans people with respect (by referring to them the way they ask you to at the minimum)#THEN try having a debate#but it IS NOT A DEBATE if you’re just punching down#transgender#transphobia
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about to go sleepyy but. Insane Kenix Thoughts (Again! An Another Time!) (How Many Fucking Times!— ^_^)
Something about Kenix comforting Sora the day she joined the sins crew while she was full on crying and confused at everything surrounding her. Something about him Resonating with a child's helplessness, offer a warm embrace to hold onto. Did you see your own past self in that girl? The days where you were left all alone in the dark, being able to only weep and wonder why everything around you was like this. Yet you had no one's shoulder to cry onto. You had no one by your side, and now you have decided to be that someone for an another lost kid. Have you seen your own desperation in that child, wanting to help her because deep down you know how scarring this situation is for her? To seek comfort despite the unknown environment, because you wanted someone to let you know it is safe?
Have you wanted to save someone from what you had to endure yourself because you just knew how deeply terrifying it must all be to experience such loneliness at a young age? Have you just wanted to not let someone else go through what you had to? Have you just wanted to show the lost child that compassion that you didn't get yourself when you needed it the most.
#Something Something he makes me Incredibly ill. I can't.#this is how you become a father! (Accidentally!) (By presenting yourself as a safe and a parent-like figure to a child who needed comfort!)#yomo ocs?!#ocs#this is like a mini rant because i am still writing for that ask enabling me to talk about azranix ^_^#kenix may be deemed merciless. But he still shows care for others. So many of his actions are rooted in his care for others' wellbeing.#Yes a lot of his actions are terrible and cannot be excused. But most. If not All. Of his interactions with others in the sins crew#Are so deeply rooted in his concern for them and their health. At first you won't even realize but then you learn it and look back at it#and just think “Wow he genuinely cared about them despite never stating it or making it obvious”#“Oh it is part of my plan ^_^” no i think we all know you tried your best to ensure that your little girl was safe because of That.#this is not part of your mastermind ass plan you genuinely just care about the kid but your facade now has you thinking that this is not-#Important. When it clearly Is. Sora's safety is important to you. Everyone's safety is important to you to some degree.#do not Even Try to lie about it. You may contain multitudes within yourself but this has always been the absolute truth.#You have always cared to some extent. That was the only thing you have managed to do out of free will Kenix. shaking and bitimg..
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Pros of the day: currently eating a fudge bar, got some writing done, and I finally talked to my parents about a thing
Cons of the day: my bed is now a bunk bed and it’s making me unreasonably upset
#I can’t even sit up anymore and for some reason I’m on the verge of tears come ON#it makes the most sense to have the room this way but#sigh#rambles from the floor#also got a mild lecture on internet safety#this comes with my dad being a computer guy#yes mom I am comfortable meeting someone I met online#YES dad I’ll call you if anything happens#YES I’LL BE CAREFUL#I appreciate the concern but I’m an adult I’ll be ok#OY
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The one thing I will say: in addition to being reminded how much callousness and cruelty there is in this world, I have been reminded how much love there is too.
To all the people who have asked each other if they're okay. To everyone telling each other to stay alive. To everyone offering whatever aid and compassion and sympathy they can. To everyone getting angry at the people responsible simply because they cannot stand the thought of harm coming to other people. It may not seem like much, but it is so, SO valuable. I see you, I appreciate you, I love you, and you are the reason I am not giving up.
#mel cries about the orange guy#to my friend's husband who is in almost every privileged position he could be in and still texted me sobbing at 4 am because he was so#scared for everyone who doesn't have the safety net he does. to my old coworker who sent me pictures of her cat and said 'don't die'#to the person in the writing discord server who said that art is never wasted and always worth it even in times of despair#to the people whose reactions have been 'here are some organizations I trust whose goal is to help people'#to the people I see asking everyone in the US and other countries affected by this decision if they're okay and if they need anything#to the people who have vowed that they will have to take us all down kicking and screaming and biting and together.#KEEP DOING THIS. It's hard. It's SO hard. But kindness and love and compassion and understanding and concern for your fellow humans#is always ALWAYS worth it. if you take away ONE thing from knowing me please PLEASE let it be that.
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sometimes i feel so bitter about how the usamerican trans community has essentially written off florida as unsaveable. like trans floridians really are just a model for what happens if The Bad Guys Win and theres no concern for the trans people living here. we dont get aid or support outside of ourselves. idk its just really disheartening
#op#i see a lot of people going like 'we have to fight a potential desantis presidency look at what hes done to florida!'#and like i get it i do. its scary! i understand that it is scary to know how tenuous your base sense of safety is#but why are you more concerned over a hypothetical than the people currently actually living under desantis?#and the thing is you CAN do things to help. you have instant communication and transcontinental transportation#you could at least offer some kind of on the ground support#that is the obvious thing to do but nobody-- from what ive seen-- is doing it#its frustrating and it makes me realize that what usamericans say they 'cant' do is code for what we are *scared* to do#i do what i can as is but i want to be different#i want to materially help people everywhere i can even though its scary and difficult
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venting? idk lmao
#anybody else kind of annoyed with how the word 'safety' gets thrown around on here#not to say tumblr doesnt have its risks w/ scams hacks shitty people ect#but there are times i definitely feel like some muns are just being Dramatic™️#or worse: malicious#'i just want you to be safe' when what they really mean is 'i don't like this person but im too much of a coward to just own it'#being petty and malicious and trying to dress it up like concern? those people (who are SUPER transparent btw)#if you're ever worried about whether or not i 'secretly' hate you w/e dont#if i dislike someone and i mean TRULY dislike them It Won't Be A Secret trust me#what i will not do is keep company with someone who makes my blood boil lmao#venting tw
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my psych: any thoughts of hurting yourself or others?
me, having desperately desired the sweet release of death for the past week and literally fantasized about committing acts of violence just hours before our appointment: nope
#🤡🤡🤡#it’s so hard to convey to mental health professionals that i am never Not at least passively suicidal??#like bro have you looked outside? have you read the news? do you know that i reach my ultimate breaking point every single day?#and then have to dust myself off and drag myself forward as if nothing happened?#i’m actually gonna ask my therapist to reach out to some long term transitional housing orgs bc i am genuinely concerned#abt my safety living here doing this med change esp. and like how tf am i supposed to know if the meds are working#if i just constantly feel fucking horrible bc of where i’m living
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me in queer circles: i hate the statement "everyone's a little bit bi". would you say that to a gay or lesbian person? probably not, that would be considered homophobic, but it's directed towards straight people in an act that delegitimises bisexual identity. how would you fit asexuality into that equation? to act as though bisexuality is the only allo identity is unrealistic and erases the biphobia we can experience-
me in christian circles: so you don't think you're even a little gay? like you've never thought about it? not once?
#this is a joke i don't tell most of my christian friends that#apart from one guy who i've been on camps with and i'm like 'king you and i have a very similar taste in guys.'#he has - for multiple years - said 'oh yeah [camper]'s brother is hot' and 'i've slept in bed with [guy op had a crush on]. jealous?'#i know he's straight but he flirts with boys often and i'm like bestie i am concerned for your safety in this space#not all these people are allies#statistically i have to know some repressed bisexuals like there's no way i was the only queer leading there
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