#i have so much more to say about this fandom environment in general but now isn't the time.

[internetegoist]

Of Shidou Ryusei ; And how his character connects towards sexual trauma

(Content warning: Major mentions of SA/CSA and abuse, minor mentions for NSFW behaviour. Most of them aren't in graphic detail, but please please be wary of it 🙏 There's also spoilers for CSM and A Clockwork Orange)

Shidou's character is one of those that sticks with you throughout the entire series. It feels like we know everything about him, yet there's something so mysterious about his behaviour that makes you wonder, what's with this guy? We know how he acts, his violence and vulgarity injected in his brain and blood, but yet we don't know why he acts the way he is. It is very heavily implied that he went through a sort of restriction, born in a bird cage which he freed himself from through going to Blue Lock, but what is that restriction? What was the bird cage which trapped him? What was it that was holding him back from searching for freedom and exploring the world?

Since then, there's been a large speculation of theories on what his backstory could be. But one of them I want to talk about is about how his backstory is connected to SA, and how he could have experienced it at a young age. At first, I was extremelyyy hesitant to follow it due to how it made me a bit uncomfortable to discuss about, and how I saw a majority of people supporting the theory use it for shock value rather than a chance to devolve into darker topics. Of course, not the case for everyone who supports the theory, just from my own personal experience in the fandom.

But now, I can see the extremely, deeply discomforting vision on how this could be true in a way. From both his favourite manga and movie involving SA as an integral part in the story, to the concerning side of him being slightly revealed in the Egoist Bible. (Eg. crying at the end of the day, when he's feeling nothing or when he's empty, as well as his dislike of gifts)

Due to my heavy interests, I wanted to explore this theory into a more deeper matter. I decided to analyze more of his behaviour, as well as doing some of my own research. I must say, Shidou's behavioral manner can be one that is similar to those of SA survivors, especially male survivors.

Okay okay, enough yapping around. Let me get straight to the point.

Shidou and his instinct's responses

Generally after experiencing sexual abuse, one's entire personality will change. Every behaviour change is different for every sexual abuse survivor. Sometimes they'll isolate themselves more often, sometimes they turn into a much aggressive and violent person. Because the world has failed them, the world is putting them in a place where they are no longer safe and are more vulnerable. Because when your entire sense of self and personal power is taken away by your abuser, you are left with nothing but fear and new survival instincts. Why I bring this up is because Shidou's entire personality is built on instincts. His instant response to even the slightest hint of dislike or threat is to immediately beat them up, no matter who they are. A noteworthy thing to mention is that one of the main responses from males following sexual trauma is anger, because it is more socially acceptable for men to react that way. Attacking someone is the best way of defense, and Shidou follows this way of defense entirely. This also follows up with the stigma with the male ethic of self-reliance, in which help-seeking behaviours can be seen as cowardly or unmasculine.

It's most likely the reason why he also dislikes Kunigami's philosophy of heroes; Considering the fact his entire character is based on wanting to be free from restriction, he must have lived in an environment and/or went through a sort of restriction which influenced his ideals of "I can fend myself, I won't need anyone". The world he has grown up in was nothing but survival against the abuse he went through, so for what purpose should he believe in the principle of a savior, if he himself could have never been saved? It doesn't help either when in real time, there have been many cases where survivors of sexual abuse are either never believed when they speak out about it, or never speak out at all in fear of not being believed.

And besides the fact he uses violence as a defense method, one thing I noticed about Shidou is that during the time he was locked up by Ego for inducing violence onto Rin. We see him, perhaps for the first time, being calm and offering a promise that he'll make sure to stop fighting and hitting others, as long as he is let out of that prison he's trapped in. You see, a common reaction victims will use during the process of the SA is to freeze. To stay silent and still. It's like how animals freeze to avoid fights or further harm to themselves, or play dead in order to prevent getting eaten by predators. Although the outer self may seem to be in a calm state, the inside are on high alert, because they are afraid on what will be their abuser's next moves. The option to fight or run away may seem easy to those who haven't experienced SA, but to the victim it may seem harder than you think. Because freezing is a body's instinct response to abuse, and it'll stay frozen until the abuse is over, it's almost like a human's way of playing dead, so that the assault induced will end sooner. Among the instincts of 'fight, flight, freeze', Shidou seems to use fight the most out of the three. However, when necessary times come necessary measures, Shidou, perhaps for the first time, switches to 'freeze' instead of 'fight'. Not only because he basically, cannot physically fight anyone at that moment, but also because he is afraid. Afraid of being restricted yet again, afraid of not having the chance to live his life, which is to play football. The worst position to be in when you're being hurt or abused is limitation. You can't move, you can't fight, you can't run away from your abuse from happening. Nothing but hope that the abuse happening to you will end soon, that your abuser will stop hurting you. That's exactly what is so terrifying about the freeze responses.

Shidou and his sexual behaviour

If any fan knows anything about Shidou, it's that he's not afraid to speak out what's on his mind, especially lewd and inappropriate words. More or less, this can be connecting to something called hypersexuality. Accordingly, hypersexuality is defined as an intense focus on sexual fantasies, urges and behaviours that can't be controlled. Hypersexuality can not only cause distress, but also problems in school and workplace.

Survivors of sexual abuse cope in one of the two ways: Either by avoiding sexual or intimidate interactions entirely, or seeking said interactions on a large and unhealthy scale. According to this article, a majority of men who suffer from hypersexuality or sex addiction have been either physically or sexually abused in their childhood.

We see Shidou quite literally compare scoring a goal in football, to sexual intercourse. (And also the part where he says he's gonna blow his load, with Sae also dismissing it, but it's just partners supporting each other!)

By now, we know that two things that Shidou is unable to separate from each other is life and football. Both the act of life and the act of playing football is interconnected. Because football is something that allows him to leave a mark, allows him to be known by the world. Because football is a biological phenomenon to him, rather than just a sport.

And yes sure, this is supposed to be a connection to his philosophy of leaving a mark on others, so that you can be remembered. But also remember what he says in his monologue: "Those who create something, those who want to become something, and of course, those who make children." The way humans create life is through intimacy, through intercourse. The two people engaging leave a mark on each other through creating that life, that child.

And while speaking about his monologue of leaving a mark, Shidou also mentions that wounding others are a way of leaving behind a proof of existence. Inducing abuse whether it'd be physical, emotional or sexual, can also be one of the ways to make someone remember you.

The abuser leaves the mark on the victim, the mentioned mark left on them can be seen as PTSD or trauma symptoms.

Abuse is not something you can just simply turn away, forget or overlook. Whether the effects of trauma are short-term or long-term, they are there, they are a proof of existence that it happened. Shidou's inability to separate the physical act of football and the biological act of life's desires, especially sexual desires, can be seen as hypersexuality. Hypersexuality can also be seen as a mark left onto the victim. And it's extremely lengthy to recover and remove those marks left on you.

Of Freedom and Shidou Ryusei

I think Shidou Ryusei and his obsession with freedom is something so interesting about his character, yet so many people tend to ignore it as a significant part of him. Because imagine if one day out of the blue, your entire bodily autonomy gets taken away from you, you're trapped in a cycle of repetitive abuse onto you. When it's finally over and you have control over everything again, the world suddenly feels so utterly different. So what do you do? Of course, cling onto that freedom that is now yours.

Bite any other hand that may seem like it's trying to take it away, because if there is one thing you do not ever want to repeat, it is someone isolating you once more against the world. So hold on tightly to the freedom you now have, and make sure it stays with you for eternity.

All of Shidou's favourite things, his favourite film, manga and song, are also connected to this in a way.

It would take too long for me to get into detail about both Chainsaw Man and A Clockwork Orange, but I want to say that both media and their protagonists have approaches to freedom of life and choice.

In Chainsaw Man, Denji is a child that has been depraved of even the basic of human needs; Just like Shidou, he wants to claim everything in his current life and not return to when he had nothing when he was a child. In A Clockwork Orange, Alexander who in the beginning of the movie has been committing heinous crimes with no one to stop him, is captured and put through inhumane experiments in order to rehabilitate him. His entire freedom is taken away from him and for the next hour, we see him go through immense suffering and torture by those who he had wronged to the point he attempts to commit suicide through jumping off a window. In the end, it doesn't seem like his mindset has changed at all. It makes us question whether or not letting someone be free to do anything they want is the better option even if it hurts others, rather than attempt to isolate them in order to transform them into a better human being.

I would like to talk a little about his favourite artist. For a bit of context, hide is popular for being an icon of rebellion against Japan's conformist society, and one of his songs PINK SPIDER, is listed as Shidou's favourite song according to the official Blue Lock Egoist Bible. I've seen a lot of interpretations of what the song truly means, but the main story is that it's about a spider trapped within and kills anything near it. Because it wishes to free itself away, it steals a butterfly's wings. It attempts to fly, and fails, and tries again. Whether or not the spider did actually succeeded in flying away is unknown to us. But, that's not all!

Around the chapter where Shidou scores a goal, the commenter calls it a 'rocket diving header'. This can lead to one of hide's other songs in the same album as PINK SPIDER, rocket dive; a song with the similar approach of freedom but with different tones. Compared to PINK SPIDER, rocket dive has a more cheerful approach. In the end of the song, the star mentioned in rocket dive successfully flies away and appears as a new shooting star in the sky.

Which brings me to point out something: Shidou Ryusei's birthday is on Tanabata, a type of Japanese celebration called the Star Festival which is celebrated on the seventh day of the seventh month.

His name, Ryusei, is also a homophone for shooting star in Japanese.

Shidou, born as a star on the day where two lover stars meet, yet when he was born, he was not allowed to fly and join the others in the sky.

But he overcame everything, achieved that dream of having the freedom to do whatever he wants. And even though he went through all that pain, all that abuse, and most likely had to learn how to escape by himself through football before Blue Lock, he made it come true, like a spell.

And eventually, he learnt how to fly, and let the world knew who he was.

[gerardpilled]

I want to say thanks for acknowledging and being critical of racism done by MCR band members and racism in the scene in general. I just recently got into MCR a year ago on a deeper scale and I have found many things off putting and kind of yikes. It's nice seeing someone who is critical of what the band members have done in the past and not excusing them and addressing that it was an issue as a whole. I used to be very hateful towards Lindsey but now I realize that it would be hypocritical (I still do not like MSI just due to it not being my taste in music and I don't care for that shock value type lyrics). I was wondering if you know any resources that talk more about racism in the scene? It's something I'd like to know more about

Oh it’s no problem! Thank you for thanking me, but I don’t see myself as doing anything special. I was raised in an environment where I was fortunate enough to be around people and friends who have made me aware of implicit racism -from my self and others- since an early age. Hearing “well, that’s cause you’re white” is a playful joke but it also made me aware of stuff! Just from what I’ve seen in recent years, the shortcomings of white people who are the focus of fandom are often ignored. There’s nothing wrong with pointing out a racist thing your fave said or did because it doesn’t necessarily make them A Racist™️ (sometimes it can). It also helps people recognize the issues before they get worse. POC aren’t a monolith - there are plenty of things disagreed on amongst any community - but there are definitely over arching sentiments.

Anyway, I’m basically just reiterating a bunch of talking points made by poc on here. As for further reading, I feel like the best sources for me have been mutuals’ posts. First hand stories. Being receptive when people share how certain things make them feel. Racism in this particular scene is also sort of a new and emerging topic as the people who lived through the heart of it are just now reaching authorship age. I look forward to seeing what comes out in the next few years.

What I have right now:

My Chemical Relaxer - a short autobiographical story about growing up Black and emo

News story about how the current state of hardcore is looking much more diverse

Sing It Zine - zine made by fanartists a few years ago!! It’s great, I bought a digital copy myself. It’s filled with art and short essays about how it felt to grow up in a scene that often ignored non white people. Also a bunch of tumblr users participated, so it offers a great follow list if you’re interested.

If anyone else has any suggestions, add them in a reblog, or send them and I’ll do it!

[howlsofbloodhounds]

hey I was wondering, do you have any thoughts or headcannons about Crescent? (Killer and Nightmare most popular fanchild) I always thought that his existence would be very interesting for the interaction between the two but the fandom kind of completely ignores them when it comes to Crescent, which is really annoying because this has so much potential to traumatize both of them (especially Killer)

Oh man, it’s been awhile since i thought about anything related to shipkids or Crescent. Now I did talk about how I think Stage 2 Killer, the Killer Crescent is most likely to be familiar with, would think of, react to, feel about, and behave around children in general right here.

All is to say, i don’t think Killer would ever want children of his own. Any kids he may potentially have would be on accident or something he was not willingly doing or had a hand in.

I do still think Stage 2’s ways of thinking about people in general—not full “people,” unreal, objects of fascination and study, NPCs running on scripts and predicable, tools or resources, targets, threats, etc—would extend to his own kids.

If it was something he didn’t willingly partake in, he’d avoid confronting his lack of agency or desire for such a thing—and he wouldn’t think of any kids as his. He’d think, “they’re not mine. Just another way this body was used.” Or “the results of someone else’s choices” or in some cases, “a means to an end.”

At most, if the child was an accident and unplanned, he may begin to see the kid(s) as “his.” But not in the way a parent typically thinks about their child; just as a fact. They’re “biologically” or magically, I guess, his. They may even be his in the same way that, say, the phone I’m typing on to respond to this ask is mine.

I wouldn’t want anyone touching it without permission or going through it or breaking it or stealing it from me. I have a password to keep it safe. I have a case on it so its screen doesn’t break when I drop it. It’s a cute case. I make sure to charge it when it needs to be charged, manage its storage, try to avoid giving it any bugs or viruses and try to fix it if it does get any. I make sure not to overcharge and overheat it.

Sometimes I play around in its settings and try to figure out how it works, what it can and can’t do, what I can and can’t change about it. There’s ideas and worries and thoughts floating around that my phone could be used against me, leak my personal information, explode and hurt me, etc.

When it doesn’t work as intended or in a timely manner or does anything that happens to regular phones and are just natural or inconvenient, I get annoyed with it and think about throwing it at wall. I don’t do it—but killer would have a much harder time with a kid in this analogy then I would.

I am not conditioned to respond with violence to certain triggers—it just mildly annoyed me. And he may just have to forcibly remove himself from the situation/kid, if only because he doesn’t want this kid “controlling” him.

If I lost or broke my phone id be annoyed and frustrated, upset about all my data and photos and videos and memories being lost—but would ultimately move on with my life. I would more so be upset that I wasted the money of the person who bought and gifted the phone.

Of course things with Killer and any kids of his in this phone analogy don’t fit perfectly. For one thing he wouldn’t even bother getting a “phone” in this case, and if he ever accidentally ended up with one and he wasn’t able to “share” it with someone (raise the kid alongside the parent as support or have any form of support), he’d find someone else to take it.

If he couldn’t find anyone else to take it, and the phone was capable of being taught to care and look after itself, he might do that if he’s in the environment to do so (aka not with Nightmare), then leave once he’s sure it can. Probably wouldn’t think much of the phone again.

Now back to Crescent specifically. I forgot what his story was so I had to look up a wiki, which may not be reliable, but something in particular stood out to me and kinda made me laugh.

“Killer doesn't care about Crescent. When Nightmare said that they now have a child together, Killer commented on this news with an emotionless "Wow".”

Very silly of him to do. But makes sense, since it’s to my understanding that this kid was not made out of any love between Killer and Nightmare—Crescent was made purely for Nightmare’s plans.

It’s mentioned that Nightmare is the mother, and maybe possibly given birth (?) to him, so at least Killer didn’t have to experience the body horror of unwanted pregnancy. But the way it’s said makes me think he still definitely wasn’t given any choice in this matter.

I remember hearing around that Nightmare actually raised Crescent in his early years due to wanting to raise him “right.” I personally don’t see Nightmare doing any of the child rearing honestly, i think it’d actually be left to Killer.

And I already talked about how I think Killer would fare with having been ordered to care for a child in the linked post, but there’s the added bonus of Crescent being Killer and Nightmare’s kid, Killer’s unwanted kid, the fact that he was likely ordered by the Boss to train and basically indoctrinate Crescent into whatever plans Nightmare has for the kid.

It was mentioned that Crescent is resentful and resistant towards Nightmare and his plans, hiding the full extent of his powers simply to spite Nightmare. And while I do think Killer may be all for spiting Nightmare, there’s the fact that Crescent himself isn’t likely to face the consequences for his disobedience; Killer is.

Hell, in the darkest timeline, Killer may even be the one ordered to dish out any punishment on Crescent himself; encouraged to give in to his conditioning while also having to restrain himself from killing the kid.

But it’s more likely that Killer would face punishment from Nightmare for any disobedience Crescent displays. Which in turn builds Killer’s both resentment and feelings of being powerless, but also leads to deep repression which increases his apathy and indifference.

All in all, i think Killer would both fear and hate that kid deep down. Very deep. But enough that whenever he’s in Stage 1, he’ll stay far away from Crescent; and warn the kid to do the same. He may even arm Crescent with a way to protect himself from Killer, similar to the way he tells Color he has to kill him if he ever goes Stage 3.

Crescent would likely be raised with the knowledge that his father—the one whose been taking care of and raising him all these years, but may have also been the one to have greatly wounded and betrayed him (regardless of choice or not)— is a danger to him, and one day, he may have to kill him—or he’d die instead.

[beepbeepbeepbeeeeeeep]

It honestly sucks how negative the Incredibox fandom has become as of the last couple days, I feel like I gotta say something about it:

I love Incredibox, I have loved Incredibox, I will continue to love Incredibox. Yes, even Sprunki. Even FIDDLEBOPS. Even Elementibox. I love all of it. No amount of drama, hate, or general negativity will ever ruin it for me.

We all know the issues this fandom is facing right now. I don’t need to repeat it, we all know it. It’s inevitable that one day it will reach a boiling point. This community will crumble very soon. There’s nothing we can do to stop it.

It saddens me whenever I see people say things like: “I want the community to die.” Or “Everyone here sucks.” I consider myself a part of that, and I’m sure a lot of you do too. The sad truth is, when bad people ruin a good thing, they ruin it for everyone. As much as we want to separate ourselves from that, the only way we could is to say we “aren’t part of it anymore.”

So… what can we do? You can’t feasibly and openly be a fan of Incredibox anymore without being associated with a toxic, harsh environment? Here is some advice:

- Stay away from large fandom spaces. This includes Incredibox discord servers with more than a hundred people.

- Refrain from posting about specific dramas or fights that you yourself aren’t a part of. If it doesn’t affect you personally, don’t comment on it. You’re just wasting everyone’s time.

- Almost exclusively talk about it with people who are your friends or who you trust. You don’t know what kinds of people are out there.

- Don’t look at comments. Be it on Scratch, Cocrea, or YouTube, it will never end well. Can’t help it? Disable them. At this point it’s better to be a ‘coward’ than engage with these people. Only enable them if you’re actively looking to start conversation.

- Separate the mod from creator. This is the most important to enjoying Incredibox in my opinion. It seems nowadays every single creator has gotten themselves into controversy, for both valid and invalid reasons. Referring to the second bullet point, if it doesn’t concern you personally, you shouldn’t feel like a bad person for enjoying it.

- Stop treating Sprunki like a disease. We get it, “it’s overrated,” “it’s not even that good!” “It ruined the community!” While those opinions can be warranted in some regard, please remember that this attitude is why what happened to the creator happened.

- Most of all: Be kind. I know it’s hard. We’re angry, we’re scared, we’re sad. But it’s important to know that negativity will only spawn more negativity. Anger and resentment are what’s causing this fandom’s deterioration. Be the bigger person and don’t attack people for no reason.

Though our community is undoubtably “cooked” by now, it won’t last forever. We will get through this.

[ofallthingsnasty]

Darling who doesn’t speak their yandere’s language…oh the possibilities

Yandere can say anything and their darling wouldn’t understand. They’d probably tell darling the most depraved and lewd things and darling would be like “Hm? What does that mean?” and yandere would tell them “It means ‘Have a good day’!” ☺️

Or if a darling escapes and tries to go to the authorities for help. They won’t understand what darling is saying and yandere will swoop in and tell them “oh this is my friend visiting from another country. They must have gotten lost, poor thing, thank you for keeping them safe for me!”

The possibilities, indeed…

tags: yandere, minors dni, starts out with general yandere tropes, then shifts to One Piece and then to one of my OCs (Evan), just silly ramblings, really wc: 0.8k

From the malicious ones who pick a foreign darling on purpose - one, because it makes it harder for you to leave and two, because you’ll be more difficult to find by your own country’s police force, just because of the sheer amount of bureaucracy. You’re just so dependent on them. If they drag you out into the country (and out of the city, where you will find way more speakers of your language), change up your appearance and introduce you as their spouse - they could keep you for years, probably. Even have you around in the public, if they’re cocky. And if they just stuff you in the basement… No one will ever find you. So, even if you aren’t their little secret - you still need them for everything. From doctor’s appointments to simple shopping trips, to conversations with the neighbors… They’ll keep you dumb and complacent, translate what others say to you and you to them however it fits their own interests. And if you are just the little basement spouse, well… Have fun trying to break out of your confines and then running to the next house where you’ll be regarded as nothing but some crazy person hurriedly gesturing and trying to scream at anyone you can lay an eye on. They can’t understand you - and there are all sorts of scams out there today, who knows what your real motive is? No, no, that door is closing even before you can finish your first sentence. What a bleak fate. Then there are the egoistic ones - the ones who can communicate with you, but you can’t do the same with your environment. They want to be the center of your universe, their everything, the only way you experience life - not out of malice, but out of sheer obsession. I don’t think such a type would pick a foreign darling on purpose, but it’s a massive plus for them. It’s going to be just you and them, in your own little world, where they might as well be your god with how much power they hold over you. I could also see a spouse-turned-captor type go this route - just in reverse. They’d probably get you to move somewhere you’re a fish out of water and they very much aren’t - just to make it almost impossible for you to leave them. Because not only do they manage everything for you now, no, there is a financial aspect to this… Do you even have the money to move back? Or are you stuck in a foreign place, strapped for cash and without any helping hands? Goodness, you better think twice about breaking up with them, hm?

Also, I have to bring my fandom du jour into this - but this makes me think of Sanji, at least in a roundabout way. If we’re talking about a modern AU, I think he would immensely enjoy a foreign darling. In general, I see him not as a classic yandere, but more as someone who slowly morphs into one because he loves you so deeply, is so dependent on you. And you know what he’d adore? If you had to communicate with the rest of the world through him. He’d do anything for you - and I really mean anything. That man hangs on every word that falls from your lips, knows how to interpret every little twitch of your eyebrow, would crawl into your skin if he could - the thought of you having to lean on him in such a way, to give back even a fraction of that love and need he has for you… He’s obsessed with it. Not only can he truly and fully keep you to himself if you two were to move out of the country, you’d need him for everything. On the surface, he’s such a sweet, adoring husband but deep, deep down he’s a total creep. You’ll probably never see it coming, just take that little idea of his to move as something that would benefit you, first and foremost - because to you, Sanji never thinks about his own well-being, only yours. Aren’t you so lucky? And you know who would love a foreigner darling as well? One of my werewolf boys, Evan. Not necessarily because it makes things easier (it’s certainly a plus, just not intentional), but because he gets incredibly sentimental over the fact that he can teach you English. He views himself as your knight in shining armor, your husband, the love of your life - and god, wouldn’t it be so cute, such an amazing bonding experience to teach you his language? Once he sees you, he’s already dreaming of long nights spent pouring over books, of you clumsily parroting whatever he tells you to say. You’re going to be so grateful for all his work, too, he just knows it! Honestly, the moment the idea pops into his head, he’s immediately making a wishlist for all sorts of books and learning material one could feed an English second language learner.

[py-dreamer]

Long hair Macaque, my beloved-

No but srsly, one of my favourite designs is just long hair mac and in this au Mammy's figure is just mostly hair.

I was trying to recreate this screenshot:

Obviously there's some difference like I tend to draw a bit chibi (big heads) and I didn't want to make Mac's hair THAT voluminous-

I wanted to achieve sort of a gypsy vibe with these little skrimblos

AND THEN I FOUND THESE:

And I could NOT pass it up.

So yeah...

Oh! And I also gave the sparkly drip to their ears

(Sh!t I just realised, I forgot the shadow creatures... I'll see if I can add them in later)

I COULDN'T for the life of me figure out the hundred yard stare to match with Mac's sharp eyes (how I draw him) and not make it look goofy so I made them spoopy and glowing instead

I sadly don't have much to say about Bai He here since her black hair didn't leave that much room for shading in a darkened environment (I'm so sorry) And this piece was to show off Mac's design more anyway (I promise Bai He will get her spotlight)

(Also Bai He, nor Mk nor Macaque wears shoes. Wukong is the only one in the family who does and I find that funny)

But oh! The hair? Here comes the fun part

(No his hair isn't purple, I just used purple to shade here)

You see I WAS going to use black hair for this photo but i soon realised how much of a pain it was just to shade it (cause i couldn't) and I was just WISHING I could use his white fur instead

And then I realised....

The white fur could be his winter coat.

Some animal's shed their fur in the winter (I think some rabbits do) and grow a new coat, occasionally with a different colour.

Therefore I could make the white fur the winter coat and during the story, his fur could be black to show how much time has passed since Bai He last saw her Baba...

Mwuahahahahahhahahahaha I'm so evil

(I was very proud of myself)

(Also I know macaques don't grow winter coats but just let me have this one ok?)

And why doesn't Bai He have white fur as well then? Well maybe she's just a different kind of monkey or perhaps it's just an age thing.

Funnily enough, when I showed this to my friend, she said he looked heavenly which is funny cause. As much as I love him, Macaque is a smug bastard and he knows it.

Like I know a lot of it was due to trauma BUT STILL

I just personally dislike how the fandom sometimes makes him seem like he could do no wrong and he is "uwu delicate babygirl that needs to be protected at all costs" when this boi is fockin FERAL man.

So despite taking a bit of a back seat in the main plot for this au, Macaque is still a smug bastard behind the scenes as much as he is a good dad

(Gosh sorry for the rant, I just had that pent up for a while now and needed to get it off my chest)

I wanted to post this yesterday on Friday 13th but oh well,

I hope I achieved the mysterious spoopy vibes as the original lol

(Click photo for less sh!tty quality)

(Also pls reblog, as much as I really appreciate feedback in general, I really like this piece and want to show it to more people...)

Gosh we are on a roll with this Shadowalkers au huh?

[c-u-c-koo-4-40k]

Hello Everyone.

I want to clarify now, Posts like these will be rare on this blog.

This blog is primarily a place to discuss, headcanon, and do general fandom shenanigans.

As Billy Joel might say, It's a place to forget about life for a while.

But given the current goings on in the world, I Will be changing my pinned post to this link.

If you're like me, you may not have much disposable income. So it's hard to donate when causes you care about pop up.

This website uses advertisers and literal button clicks to generate donations.

My platform here is small, and primarily for fandom fun times, and it will remain as such. As previously stated, This will be a rare post of this kind on this blog.

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Edit: Slight modification, I've changed Only Post of this kind to Rare as I have reblogged some other things not related to fandom and yes they were related to modern or otherwise issues.

I still want to keep this place 90% dumb fun, but even dumb fun has to be sober some times.

Edit 2: I've decided I Will be reblogging the occasional help or aid or donation post. Probably one or two every few days. If you want to Only see the fandom stuff on my blog avoid/block the posts with the tags #not warhammer #not fandom and #not 40k

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Current Campaign.

The world Always needs more helpers. Please consider donating to Mai's fundraiser to help her and her family!

Specifically she's trying to get funds for her education amidst escaping the toll of war in Gaza!

It's also verified and info about that can be found on Mai's other posts.

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Thank You

Edit 5! Also! Here's a link to a website that is filled with vetted fundraisers!

Edit 6! Ask box is Super full so it may take a while for me to reblog your campaign. I work from the oldest up.

I'm also trying to give the campaigns in my Dms attention every other day so please be aware.

Edit 7: I'm still reblogging campaigns, but now I'm going to work on them in smaller groups.

I'm going to reblog a Handful of DM campaigns, and a Handful of asks each day. Exact numbers might change day to day, but I'll try to keep them to the same amount.

I've got over 50 campaigns in my dms and over 500 asks to work through.

I want to do proper posts and updates when I boost them.

Thank you for understanding.

Edit 8: In regards to Donation Matching.

I Can Only Donate to a Few Campaigns every Month. And I Only donate at the End of months.

I have to make sure All my monthly expenses are taken care of.

The campaigns chosen are mostly random.

[crowdusk]

One Piece Chapter 1132: Adventure in Elbaph (thoughts & predictions for the arc)

Part 2 here.

[These are the feverish autism-fuelled thoughts I wrote out after reading chapter 1132 because I was overtaken by the urge to connect some dots (I did edit a bit to hopefully be more coherent). I didn't engage with any other reviews or theories on Elbaph apart from quite general ones before reading this, so it'll be cool to see if other people have similar ones. Wasn't sure whether to post this but I wanted to put it somewhere before chapter 1133 came out and next week's break so it doesn't just sit on my laptop for me to forget about, and more importantly so I can refer back to it and see if anything I said was even vaguely correct. It's a monster and I don't have time to do a proper editing process so please kindly look away from any mistakes and poor structuring. One of the really fun aspects of serialised storytelling for me is theorising and analysis, even if it makes a fool of me more often than not. I'm not expecting to be right but it's fun when that happens!]

This also ended up being, uh, Very Long. There is a chapter review part with some thoughts on the arc, and then there are thematic sections where I got more into detail about what I think Elbaph will explore. This whole thing will be split into multiple posts because of Tumblr's limit, but there will be links to the different sections/posts. Ok, end of intro.

Overall thoughts on the chapter

Firstly, this chapter was so fun. It had all the familiar thrill and excitement of a new island and adventure, with some wonderful panels (rainbow-sailing, Bonney and Robin, the Elbaph village). We had ‘Adventure in the Land of Mystery’, and the suspense was interesting, but I’m sure I wasn’t the only one extremely confused (especially because of the mistakes). From what I saw the whole fandom was essentially the when ur whole crew doesn’t know a damn thing meme. But I’m glad Oda had his fun with the fake introduction to Elbaph, which also helped set up Luffy meeting Loki and the delay in receiving Vivi’s message amongst other things. 

1132 really feels like quintessential early One Piece where we’re off to a running start now that we’re finally sure we’re where we want to be. Love to see the Strawhats get somewhere, play around, and immediately cause chaos. It’s somehow packed with new information and fast-paced, while feeling like we get a bit of a breather from plot-intensity after Egghead. 

I’m also, of course, incredibly happy we’re finally getting to see Elbaph in all its much-anticipated glory. The natural features of the island – especially the landscape, the scale, elements like the rainbows and the giant tree as a living support–  make it feel extra fantastical and wondrous beyond what I, at least, had imagined. Hats off to Oda and especially his assistants for the gorgeous Rivendell-Zelda-Skyrim vibes in the village introduction spread. I love a fantasy-style nature-based environment, and I don’t think we’ve had that in a while. Wano and Egghead had some incredible settings too, of course, but the story felt a lot more people-centric once they got to the islands. Here, the landscape really becomes a character of its own in the same way it did in say, Zou (quite literally). In fact, Yggdrasil is both alive and ancient, just like Zunesha. I’m looking forward to seeing how that feeds into the story. 

I'm also very glad that Oda is leaning into that and giving us those wide-angle shots. He doesn’t always get perspective and scale exactly right, but I personally don’t mind – the man knows how to draw an impactful double-spread. I can’t un-know the fact that the Sunny is supposed to be more than twice the height of Goldberg, who’s carrying it, but it doesn’t ruin anything for me. I’m used to Oda just doing shit like that because he wants/needs the Sunny to be carried around like a toy. It would be such a shame if we got to Elbaph and we only got smaller views or workarounds in order to avoid the challenges of scale and perspective. 

On top of that, one of my favourite parts of the One Piece experience is finally having puzzle pieces and references fall into place after arcs and years – like the architecture and landscape we recognise from Big Mom’s flashback. We've been waiting for this for over 20 years! More than 1000 chapters! I love this manga. I love it here. The sequence of the rainbow bridge leading into finally getting to see the village was lovely, and as a huge Skypiea lover, I am having a great time. Seeing our experience reflected in Luffy and especially Usopp’s reactions was also beautifully moving. I’m glad they were highlighted and we had the flashback to Little Garden to really drive it home.  

On the plot side,  we’re slowly building a picture of the variation in how different giants feel about humans. We have Gerd and Rodo, who both have strong feelings in completely opposing ways. Where Gerd infantilises humans in her fascination with them, Loki and Rodo clearly seem to think they are inferior. It remains to be seen what other perspectives exist in Elbaph. Is there real resentment or hatred from those like Loki and Rodo, or do they generally just think giants are superior due to their strength and size? Regardless, it feels like Oda is slowly setting us up to understand that there are different groups of giants with different beliefs even within Elbaph (we already know Saul is not from there and considers them ‘barbarians’). Just as in any society there are surely faultlines and disagreements, and their relationship to humans – and maybe even the world at large – might very well be a point of tension within the kingdom. 

Speaking of points of tension, it’s obviously very ominous that Luffy has made a promise to Loki, particularly since we don’t know the specifics of it. Oda has cleverly given us only a glimpse of the very end of that conversation in relation to Luffy’s famous difficulty with lying and we’ll see how long he decides to tease us with it. He could definitely give us that information in dribs and drabs to keep us guessing, but I also think most of us are probably right in guessing that Luffy promised to free Loki, even if we don’t know if he wanted anything in return. Honestly, the first time we even saw Loki in chains I thought oh Luffy’s 100% going to free that man, and I know I’m not the only one. 

Regardless of exactly how and when we see that conversation, I imagine we'll see Luffy’s actions start to confirm and clarify our suspicions. For example, if he did agree to free Loki and needs to retrieve the key, then he might well start making moves to do that soon (although after the feast, of course – nothing comes before a metric ton of meat). I also think it will be very interesting – and comical – to see Luffy try and execute a stealth operation, because as we’ve seen time and time again, that is the opposite of his forte. He’s bad at lying, he’s bad at keeping secrets, and he’s bad at doing things with subtlety. So I’m looking forward to seeing how Luffy deals with that – whether he manages to keep it a secret from everyone or if, as I suspect, he ropes in at least one of the other Strawhats, even if by accident. Take your guesses! There’s a whole range of options ranging from experts (Nami, Robin, Brook) to the sneak mission equivalent of throwing a grenade onto a presidential lawn (...Zoro).

My more specific pet theory when it comes to Luffy’s meeting with Loki is that I would not be surprised if in one of the upcoming chapters up we get a sort of split screen set up with Hajrudin or an equivalent giant on one side, explaining more about Loki’s deeds and why they imprisoned him, and the flashback to Luffy’s conversation with him on the other. We know from DorryBrogy (yes I’m using that now) that Hajrudin wanted to come and retrieve the Strawhats from Egghead himself, but ultimately couldn’t because of “some (Loki-related) trouble back on Elbaph”. It would make sense to me if Hajrudin explains in more detail what happened that prevented him from sailing to Egghead, and tells us more about Loki himself. At the same time that Hajrudin is talking about the terrible things Loki has done, we get the penny-drop of Luffy flashing back to his agreement to free said evil man. 

It’s a perfect storytelling device in this medium, especially when it comes to revealing important (and in this case stomach-dropping) information to us as omniscient readers. We saw something slightly similar most recently during Vegapunk’s speech, which Oda used to clearly signpoint us to characters and their links to mentions of important information in the speech, (e.g. showing Shirahoshi, Vivi and Momo when talking about the ancient weapons). Of course that was very different in tone and intention compared to what the Loki reveal I’m hypothesising would be like, but I’m mainly just trying to highlight the use of the manga medium and how it lends itself to this kind of layering. I’m sure Oda’s done something much closer to what I’m thinking of before, but in all honesty I can’t recall an example right now. Regardless, I could be completely off the mark (I am just a little jester honestly), but we know Oda loves his dramatic reveals and drumbeats so I’m willing to put this out there. 

I am also particularly interested to see how Luffy will react to the information about Loki. Will he dislike Loki but still go through with it? Will he disagree with Hajrudin and the other giants? Will it change nothing for him? I think Luffy won’t go back on his promise no matter what information is revealed, but knowing Luffy, he also might just not really pay attention or care what Loki’s done. It will mainly be for us as readers, and the rest of the Strawhats, to decide how we feel about it. We know that Elbaph has very strong values and rules, especially surrounding their warrior culture – ones like honour, strength, and probably truth/honesty. I’m waiting to see whether what Loki’s done is considered bad specifically within Elbaph culture, or whether they’re just terrible in general. This is why in my opinion Loki won’t be A Classic Villain, because I don’t think the central conflict in Elbaph will be as simple as just Loki vs the rest of the giants and Strawhats. There’s too much ambiguity present.

Plus, we haven’t seen Luffy’s instinct about people go wrong yet. The first time he met Blackbeard they immediately started fighting, even if it was about something as stupid as food preferences. He hated Doflamingo the minute he met him. Even Buggy couldn’t actually betray him, despite wanting to. If Luffy generally trusts someone, we know that means they’re trustworthy or at least even if not at the beginning, he wins them over or is able to deal with the untrustworthiness in a way that makes it irrelevant. 

Of course, Loki could prove the exception to the rule, but we know that part of Luffy’s strength is understanding and seeing through people. It would take a lot for Loki to fully trick or betray him, since Luffy just does what he wants and deals with the consequences as they arise. He’ll be more than happy to fight Loki if he threatens something/someone he cares about. To be clear, I’m not saying Loki is a threat at all – I do think his desire to “destroy the world” means mass violence, but Luffy doesn’t tend to care about larger villainous plans until they directly affect his loved ones. He’s also the first ‘evil’ character so far who’s been shown to have very obvious parallels and similarities with Luffy, so even if he is an antagonist, I expect it to be in a way we haven’t seen before (more on that later). 

Another possibility is that Loki and certain other giants have a strong dislike of humans, and therefore want them off the island as quickly as possible. This would also align with Louis Arnot’s warning about not overstaying your welcome. I imagine not everyone on Elbaph is inclined to be friendly to humans, and there might even be other people (other kinds of giants, or non-giants) living on the island. It feels like Oda has strongly emphasised that Warland is only a kingdom on the island of Elbaph, implying that there might be other groups of people – or even countries – sharing the land mass (perhaps on the Astral level?). To me, it feels like Elbaph is holding some kind of secret that makes it particularly dangerous. Maybe, like in Skypiea, there is a forbidden area in Elbaph that is off-limits to people (prime candidate being the Astral/Celestial realm) whether to maintain that secret or perhaps for spiritual reasons. Trespassing could incur serious danger or punishment, and we can probably predict exactly what will happen if a certain captain hears about it. 

And there are other ways I think Elbaph will parallel Skypiea. The Strawhats first connected with the Skypieans (Conis and her father) and were quickly thrown into conflict with both Enel and his forces (including the White Berets) as well as the Shandians who weren’t too happy about outsiders. They had to work with the different groups against Enel, and as part of that, prove to the Shandians that they were trustworthy. The Shandians, who had the crucial connection to the Ancient Kingdom and the poneglyph. We might see a similar situation in Elbaph where the Strawhats have to prove to a group of people (maybe outsiders to Elbaph’s society, maybe those who distrust humans) that they are trustworthy so that they can all unite to fight against a bigger foe like the World Government. It remains to be seen who that might be, but this would also be an opportunity for Oda to give the Strawhats even more people, groups and allies who believe in Luffy’s power. 

Additionally, both Skypiea and Alabasta were countries in the midst of internal conflict – specifically over natural resources – when the Strawhats arrived, and in both of those cases the actions of the crew helped end the wars. Elbaph might be similar. In both of those arcs the conflicts had roots in the secrets of the Void Century, be it because the Shandians were protecting their ancestral lands and the poneglyph after being persecuted by the World Government, or Crocodile’s desire to gain control of Pluton. The giants of Elbaph seem to be one of the only groups of people who have maintained a consistent sun god worship, probably not for lack of the World Government trying to wipe it out (their strength will certainly have served them in that regard). On top of that, I’m sure there’s other crucial information, not just from the Ohara library, that the giants have managed to protect regarding ancient history. If we think about their lifespans, the Void Century was only a few generations back for them, so there may be important oral histories that have been passed down from elders. It’s clear that this is a culture with strong links to the secrets of the past, like the Shandians and the royal family of Alabasta. Though the wars in those countries were exacerbated by many other factors, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see something similar in Elbaph – some tension that relates to events further back in history, and maybe even the Void Century.

Loki, Luffy, and the power of myth

My current theory on Loki is that he believes he is the new Joyboy, and/or an incarnation of Nika/the sun god from Elbaph’s myths (in the same way that King believed Kaido to be Joyboy). We don’t know yet whether Elbaph is polytheistic – Nika/the sun god might just be one of their deities – but if we use Rodo’s weird RPG cage world as a reference, he did create a bunch of different minor ‘gods’. Elbaph itself might have a similar system, with the Sun God being the most important deity. Regardless, we know that Nika is important in their culture, given Dorry and Brogy’s immediate recognition of Luffy in Gear 5 and the celebration of the Winter Solstice as the return of the sun in Big Mom’s flashback. We’ve also seen the painters being called sunstones, which is reminiscent of Vegapunk’s pursuit of solar technology and the Motherflame, and the giants live on the Sun level of Yggdrasil. On top of that, the Underworld – where people are sent for punishment – is specifically noted to lack sunlight. We already know that the sun in One Piece’s world is associated with Nika (liberation, joy), but in terms of general symbolism the sun is also linked to clarity, truth and perception. 

This is why I think questions of faith, belief and truth will be so important to answering what makes Elbaph’s giants such mighty warriors, what kind of devotion do they have, and how do their beliefs and worship link to collective liberation in the One Piece world, both historically and in the present? 

Oda is also going to get meta in this arc, I believe (even more obviously than he already does). I'll get into this more later, but the Lego kidnapping introduction already served to set up important questions. What is reality, and what is fantasy/illusion? Whose world are we in? Who are the storytellers and what are the different ways stories are lived and told? What is their nature, function and importance? There are going to be many layers in this arc and it's narration, encompassing past present and future, and I think Oda will play with form to achieve this (off the top of my head - the adventurer's log voice of Louis Arnot, to flashbacks, to legends told by the giants, to reading the texts of Ohara...). Contradictory stories, multiple perspectives on one narrative, and different but coexisting truths might well all come into play as important.

Speaking of one type of story, myths and legends are the vessels of belief, and it’s likely the Elbaph culture includes and centres many related to Nika and Joyboy. In fact, this was already mentioned by DorryBrogy (“they tell tales about this god in Elbaph”). I don’t think we’ve had direct confirmation yet, but I’m sure the giants had a connection to the Ancient Kingdom and may very well have preserved information from the Void Century by virtue of their fighting strength, passing stories down across generations, despite the World Government’s best efforts. I also think those stories handed down from the Void Century (maybe even from the first Joyboy, or Roger) may have included some kind of prophecy that Joyboy/the Sun God will destroy the world when he returns (similar to Madam Shyarly’s prophecy about Luffy destroying Fishman Island). If that’s the case, Loki could very well think he’s the chosen one to do so. 

Of course, we know that the final war will likely involve some form of physical destruction (Fishman Island amongst other things) – and there are many theories around that – but to me, the idea is most importantly metaphorical. The world as it is needs to drastically, fundamentally change (including materially), which requires the destruction of things as they are so that the dawn can arrive. Loki’s interpretation, in contrast, could very well be a literal and narrower one involving setting everything on fire Ragnarok-style, hence the other giants imprisoning him to stop him. The way they’ve referred to him as having “a few screws loose” also suggests they think he’s mad or maybe delusional, which makes sense if he’s claiming to be an incarnation of their sun god. His belief may in fact be so pure that it is extreme. As Oda is making clear over and over, you cannot choose to be a god – myths and gods are made by people’s collective belief. I don’t think we’ll ever see Luffy declaring himself to be Nika or even Joyboy for that very reason. 

Luffy is god-like sometimes, but he isn’t one (“Luffy’s not a god, he’s just an idiot!”) nor would he want to be treated as one. Luffy doesn’t even know he’s the new Joyboy, or who Nika is, and what his Gear 5 powers are. If the giants try to project any kind of divine responsibility or title onto him, Luffy will absolutely not care – he refuses to be anything other than himself in all his freedom. However, he does have a great amount of care for friends and is willing to go to any lengths to help them, so we’ll have to see which characters act as those anchors for his desire to fight during this arc. 

I think we’ll see a lot of complex and interweaving traits with Luffy and Loki, as characters who have many similarities but also fundamental differences. Luffy pretty much can't lie, whereas I'm guessing Loki is pretty good at it. Luffy is selfish in his words but his actions help the collective, whereas I could see Loki causing widespread harm but claiming selflessness and doing collective good (e.g. cleansing the world via Ragnarok). Loki claims his godhood fully, demanding respect and imposing obedience, believing fully that he is fit to command others. Luffy doesn’t demand faith, he inspires it.

Indeed, Oda has clearly set up Loki to parallel Luffy in the past few chapters. They had very similar childhoods where they spent a lot of time alone in the wilderness and befriended beasts – in Loki’s case, in the frozen outcast space of Elbaph. This is particularly interesting given he’s a prince – we have to wonder why. Like Luffy, he seems to have humorous and silly traits like getting people’s names wrong, which is an exact copy of what Luffy does. He also has an older brother in Hajrudin, like Luffy with Ace and Sabo, although we don’t know the nature of his relationship with Hajrudin. Were they close growing up and then there was conflict later because of Loki’s actions? Were they always at odds? I wouldn’t be surprised if Loki’s strength wasn’t in his physicality but more so in his cunning and intelligence, which might not have been celebrated or seen favourably as what was expected of an Elbaph prince, in contrast to Hajrudin better fitting the mold. This theory is mostly based on Norse mythology, where both the god Loki and the jötnar Utgarda-Loki are associated with trickery and illusions. It would also mean Loki flaunts the rules of Elbaph warrior culture, making use of strategy, intelligence, language and mischief to win his battles. If Loki was seen as strange or not quite fitting into society and expectations, he may have just chosen to isolate himself and spend time in the Underworld with his animal friends. Alternatively, maybe he was sent down there by his father to get stronger, in the same way Garp threw Luffy into the jungle. 

With all that said, I’m particularly interested to see what his devil fruit is – initially I thought it could be a mythological zoan, which I believe is still very possible, but I could also see it being related to these themes of magic and illusion. The one thing I’m unsure of in this regard is Loki referring to himself as the strongest in Elbaph. Is it because of his devil fruit? Does he mean something different to strength in combat? Was he just lying? That remains to be seen. 

We also don't know what Loki did yet, but I think a lot of the themes of this arc are going to be about the values of Elbaph and how different people come up against them. I’m particularly interested in our dear captain Luffy, of course, and how he relates to those rules, because Luffy’s whole character is about pure freedom regardless of what’s happening around him. The only form of bond that Luffy accepts is those of love, friendship and connection with people (often conveyed through food, as we know). Of course, it could be that Luffy doesn’t particularly come up against Elbaph’s rules (we didn’t really see him in tension with the samurai code in Wano) but I have a feeling that the challenges of this arc will be a complex set of tensions – buried information, the overarching evil of the World Government, the consequences of history, the values of a war-based society, and how those have shaped the people of the island they’re on. 

Even Luffy’s embodiment of something Nika-like in Gear 5 goes against stereotypical expectations of a ‘warrior’. He is a warrior, but the epithet isn’t complete without the liberation aspect. He doesn’t follow any rules but his own when he fights – in his freest form he can literally bend the rules of space and material (maybe even time). He is so strong not just because he can smash things, but because he is completely unpredictable, silly and joyful – only limited by his own imagination. I also think it will be really interesting to see what Elbaph’s version of Nika is like, because people and societies shape gods, and they can evolve over time. It would be fascinating if Elbaph’s version of Nika is more of a stereotypical kind of war(rior) god. We’ve had mentions of their warrior god before, with the belief that the winner of a duel is the one chosen by that deity, so fighting itself – and the glory of victory – is clearly sacred to them. It may well be that their warrior god is a separate being to Nika, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out to be a version of Nika that has been shaped by their society’s dominant values. And maybe that is also the version that Loki thinks he is or has warped to fit his desire for violence and destruction.

Part 2 here (ft. strength???, summoning a princess, gay technology and shadow the hedgehog)

[abby118]

I wanted your opinion on reading Thor's body language on Loki, with the touch of his hand on his neck. I have seen that when the touch is made on the back of the neck (Thor does it slightly more laterally) it is said to mean: I control and tame, the one who touches establishes himself as a guide, often influencing the choices and opinions of others. therefore it does not have a necessarily negative meaning, but it is not exactly a gesture that indicates closeness, friendship or reassurance. in fact it seems to mirror the dynamic we see between thor and loki. what do you think?

Thor is definitely more expressive and specifically more reactive than Loki and that partially comes down to his personality as well as the environment and position he was raised in.

People often wonder about the neck touching and to that I say, what do you do when you're an expressive person that conveys their emotions through touch? You touch someone and you do so in a way that they can notice and feel.

Loki is heavily armoured, as are the majority of Asgard's men (now, we won't count Thor here because he hates wearing his sleeves but generally, he would belong to this category as well). If you touch someone who's wearing layers of leather, fabric, metal and whatever materials make up the armour, they will not feel a thing. That is why he goes for the only spot that's not covered - as the fandom used to call it back in the day, 'the infamous Asgardian "insert blade here" neckline'.

But of course, that is not all, it's never that simple. I assume you mean the scene in The Avengers when they first meet on Midgard so I will talk about that one first.

In this particular instance, I did not read it as anything other than Thor trying desperately to make a point whilst lacking the emotional ability to do so in a way that Loki needed. He's the kind of person that tries to solve the problem first and deal with the aftermant and the emotions later. Hence, why the first thing he said to his brother after not having seen him for a year after his attempted suicide was a question about the tesseract's location. I would argue this doesn't mean Thor did not care; I think he really did but he didn't know how to show it + there was a problem that needed a solution first.

Thor and Loki's personalities are polar opposites; Loki is the strategist, he's perceptive and does have the emotional intelligence Thor lacks. Thor, on the other hand, acts before anything else, he deals with the consequences later, he is not the most observant and he hides behind this cheery mask that is supposed to conceal any signs of vulnerability because in Asgard, that is seen as a major weakness. I'm not even sure he, himself, knows it's a mask; we do see both of them repressing emotions which again, is a result of their world's culture with the added pressure of their position as Asgard's heirs.

So yes, I think he tried to show Loki he wanted him back and that he cared but he completely screwed it up with the way he went about it. I do not blame Loki for how he responded to that in the situation and circumstances he was in.

+ it was very much also a 'I see you‚ look at me‚ I see you' because Thor never looked at him before. He took his presence for granted.

However, fast foreward to Thor The Dark World, we see a clearer display of how Thor's frustration manifests which tends to be aggression and similar to what you're getting at. He is impulsive and has problems dealing with his anger which we already saw in the previous movies. This all culminated in the interaction on the skiff in Svartalfheim but before that, he broke Loki out of prison.

Obviously, he was trying to convince himself (and Loki) that he did not care about him anymore and that his plan was unrelated to their relation. Deep down, both of them knew that was not true but that's a different topic.

When he broke him out and Loki was having his annoying younger sibling moment, Thor shut him up by covering his mouth and slamming him onto the pillar to avoid the two Einherjar seeing them. Some might argue that was normal because he needed him to be quiet fast but I say that was him finding an opportunity to release his frustration with Loki and their relationship in general.

This has been brought up before, but that moment almost looked like kidnapping which, in a way, it was. Loki did agree to go but he was still a prisoner and essentially threatened.

But then again, it is almost childish and reminiscent of an exaggerated version of their relationship. I won't repeat any more of the points on this but I recommend you read this because I agree with some of the things stated here. (screenshotting in case the link breaks)

[isitisitearlymichael]

I think there’s a mentality in the Stranger Things fandom, or certainly outside of Byler spaces, that Byler is just another m/m ship.

What do I mean by “just another” m/m ship?

We all know there’s a long history of shipping male characters together when the show they were in clearly had no intentional romantic subplot.

M/m shipping has existed since the days of Star Trek - and it’s existed for many different reasons. But over time, it’s developed a bad reputation because fans of those ships were reading into things way too much and had so much hope that something might happen to those characters, only for them to end up incredibly upset and frustrated by the end.

There has also been a lot of accusations of fetishisation.

Some of this is also because especially in the early 2000s/ 2010s, these shows used to play on those hopes and have a lot of fun exploring “bromances”, where the writing would be intentionally stirring the pot, but not crossing the line enough for there to be any real plan to take things further.

What’s really important here is that Byler are NOT that kind of ship.

There would never be this much animosity if Will was Mike’s female best friend from childhood.

Yes, there would be a Byler vs. Milkvan war. That would never change - but the excuses as to why Byler have no possible chance of being together would be entirely different. Because yes, their arguments can currently include that Mike’s in a long term relationship, or that the 1980s environment would make it difficult for them to be together, but that’s about as realistic as the arguments have been.

Compare the circumstances to other canonical unrequited love stories

Take away all of the analysis about why Mike might be gay or Bi or even interested in Will in the first place, and just look at the plot in its bare bones state.

Will is canonically in love with Will, and Mike is canonically unaware of this and in a relationship with El.

There are SO MANY examples of this sort of love triangle in fiction, and most importantly there are more scenarios than there aren’t of this love becoming requited. It’s so normal for an audience to see a scenario like this and wonder if this is going to be one of those stories.

What’s happening instead is a lot of heteronormativity.

And that’s either down to the environment that Stranger Things fans find themselves in (people still live very unexposed lives) or they are just generally ignorant about anything that isn’t really in their face or what they want to see.

So there’s a heck of a lot of fans who didn’t even recognise that Will is gay, or just disregarded their assumptions and played up the “slow to grow up” narrative because they were more comfortable with that kind of story, or could relate to it more.

And so from their point of view, because they didn’t see anything, it couldn’t possibly exist. Bylers were seeing things and making them up. Now, after the Duffers and Noah confirmed things, they’re finding a lot of comfort in instead taking some of this fandoms bigger reaches (don’t mean to offend here, sorry) and using them as ammunition instead, e.g. Finn glancing at Noah’s lips for a millisecond during a take.

But the main point I’m getting at is that people who are dismissing Byler are not recognising that this is a traditional love triangle premise.

Now compare the canonical story to previous m/m ships

So because there are some similar activities happening in this fandom to what has been seen in those previous famous m/m ship fandoms, many Stranger Things fans are dismissing Byler as an imagined ship.

But how many of those old ships were able to boast about actual confirmed feelings, albeit one sided, with time left to explore things further?

There is absolutely no reason why the Byler ship resembles any of those “bromances” or queer baiting storylines in previous franchises and fiction.

This isn’t me saying that Byler will 100% become a couple

What I’m saying is that if nothing happens between them in season 5, that doesn’t undo the fact that Byler are a legitimate ship. It doesn’t undo the fact that Will’s feelings for Mike are canonical and that their storyline follows the premise of a traditional love triangle story.

There are people out there who are already trying to make Bylers feel stupid or ashamed for even exploring the potential of the ship, and all they’re doing is showing us how incredibly ignorant they are.

But that’s not to say that lessons can’t be learned from those previous m/m ship disasters

The one thing you should take from them is that people did get really attached, and so being let down by the show really hurt. It’s fine to speculate about Byler, but please don’t set your heart on them and let it break.

If we start to get legit info or confirmation that the ship won’t be requited, please don’t let yourself fall down the rabbit hole of conspiracy and set yourself up for disappointment.

But we have no legitimate reason to rule out Byler right now

The set up is there, the filming looks positive and the Duffers haven’t said anything to dispute the ship’s potential. Speculation is more than allowed - it’s normal and an inevitable result of season 4. So let’s have as much fun as we can and know that we’re doing nothing “deluded” or wrong.

[bookwyrminspiration]

Hi there!

I had some questions (or statements I wanted to discuss I’m not sure what to call them) because I genuinely don’t know much about the subject. I’m on anon right now but I may comment on my own account later. Also don’t feel obligated to answer if this makes you uncomfortable.

So I was wondering if you could articulate any thoughts on proshipping in the kotlc fandom? I wanted to know your thoughts as from my understanding (and please correct me if I’m wrong) you see it pretty positively, and I wanted to better understand the ‘issue’ (idk what to call it)

Anyways I thought I should include what I already know.

So I understand that when people participate in proshipping it does not reflect their actual worldview.

I understand that it is fictional and really doesn’t affect real life.

I think my issue with proshipping has to do specifically with it happening in the kotlc fandom, and this has to do with Keeper of the Lost Cities being a kids series. My problem isn’t specifically with that, but mostly with the amount of “kids” participating in our fandom space (not actual kids like ten year olds but from my understanding we have an array of people from ages 13-16 who I would consider pretty young)

I just worry about when people make posts about, for example, one of the main cast and an adult in the series, because the Keeper casts ages may closely reflect the actual ages of people in the fandom, we’re creating an unsafe environment and these posts may affect what these ‘kids’ think is okay in real life or for themselves.

Anyways, I wanted to share my thoughts but I really mean it when I say I want to hear your thoughts, I don’t think I know enough about the ‘issue’, especially from the other perspective.

(Also, this isn’t really about your call out post about call out posts, I’ve just seen you liking some pro shipper stuff so I thought you might be interested in that sort of thing)

Hi! Thank you for being respectful about this. First, I avoid labels like "anti" or "proship," as they tend to create an unhelpful us vs. them dichotomy. Especially when, like these terms, they have strong associations and generate strong reactions upfront. It's not, in my opinion, conducive to productive conversation

I believe that all fiction, including disgusting, depraved, uncomfortable fiction, should be allowed to exist without restriction. Whether that's incestuous, predatory, or otherwise.

We don't have to read/watch it. We don't have to like it. Or be comfortable with it. But it needs to be allowed to exist.

It's existence does not harm us (the most that happens is we realize, we are uncomfortable, and then we stop watching/reading/etc. and move on), and there is no way to reliably moderate fiction. It will always be arbitrary, and those arbitrary distinctions will always be enforced by the privileged with power, who will use it to create their narrative and silence others.

The issue many people get stuck on, like you, is about children. Now I'm not saying this is what you're doing, but I'd like to bring up the Think Of The Children logical fallacy. It's a more recent one, so it's less known, and I'm just linking the wikipedia.

What it does is switch to emotional thinking, creating this idea of these helpless little things in danger we need to protect. It creates moral panic, because what are you gonna do? Argue against the children? You monster! It can shut things down.

And while children are young and still learning and need guidance, they're also people. They have their own thoughts, reactions, and choices. They use their childhood to practice that, which is aided by fiction. Fiction is a practice run for the real thing; it can be that learning and guidance

Children take what they see in fiction, where no real people are hurt or in these scary situations, and react. They form opinions, determine what they think is right or wrong, and they have more room for error. For example, it is safer for them to misjudge an actually malicious adult in a story, learn what the warning signs were, and be more cautious going forward with no real life consequence than to make that mistake for the first time with a real person.

This is just a general overview. To specifically address this fandom and its ships, I'm going to start with this: when you were 14, did you think it was okay to date an adult? Did you ever see incestuous art/fic and start wondering if it was okay to date your sister?

Yes, consistent, repeated exposure of concepts from influential places can normalize them. Is that a genuine risk here, or what is happening? Have you seen it happen before on a wide enough scale to be generally applicable? I, of course, cannot speak for everyone, but I already knew those weren't okay by the time I joined the fandom at 13. Yes, 13 is young, but 13 year olds are capable of complex thought and reasoning. Their minds aren't going to be changed that easily, and a lot of them would probably resent the implication (even if unintentional, this is nothing against you) they couldn't figure it out for themselves. At least I would've

And more specific to keeper again: we have maybe a handful of these "weird" and "gross" ships/aus/etc. Posted by a number of people I could likely count on one hand, incredibly infrequently. This is a genuine invitation to think it through: what is that going to do?

Is that from enough places with enough power to normalize these ideas? Who is seeing it? How impressionable are they? Have they already formed ideas of right and wrong? Will this change that?

The conclusion I've come to is: 13 years old is young in the grand scheme of things, but at 13 years old you are capable of complex thought. I don't think the limited number of these "objectionable" topics and posters, which/who can be easily avoided, is going to normalize or make people think it's okay irl. It didn't happen with us, did it?

And I think, to some extent, limiting exposure or controlling media access takes away agency and choice, and that young people being able to experience difficult concepts in fiction before seeing them in real life is beneficial. This often then leads to "but what if they read something really icky they hate!" to which I say, kids aren't going to do things they don't want to. They won't watch movies, shows, or read books about things they're uncomfortable with or disinterested in. I simply put the book down and read something else.

And if they're being forced to, that's a different problem, and the solution is not to make sure the media doesn't exist or they can't access it.

This has been long, broad, sometimes specific, and more all in the attempt to be thorough. What it boils down to is: I don't think what you're worried about is going to happen, or is even slightly likely enough to genuinely plan for or worry about (not that you're unreasonable for worrying, though), and I don't think there's any trustworthy course of action that would separate the "good" from the "bad" and reliably, fairly decide who can see it and when.

I hope this helps answer your questions :). I'm happy to talk about it more, though I don't want to devolve into arguing, so if that starts to happen (with you or anyone else), I will likely end the conversation.

[rainybyday]

I can’t start writing about Hatake Hashirama until I write more about the Hatake clan so here is my interpretation of the Hatake which is a mixed bag of things. 

Hatakes are split into two categories in two packs: the main nomadic pack and small unit packs

The main pack moves with the seasons, grows crops whenever they make camp, and has animals as well (farmers so animals added)

Small unit packs are considered families as they are almost always Hatake clan adopted into a family or sort

Hatake crops are widely sought after, very respectable by farmers

Smaller packs to let the main pack now of additions to their pack

Alright, now newer stuff

Main pack Hatakes introduce themselves as “Hatake [inserte name] of the Hatake clan” while smaller packs introduce themselves as “Hatake [insert name] of the [pack or alpha/leader name]”

While as a main pack, a Hatake is well known to be a part of the clan, it means that anything they do will reflect on the main pack as a whole

However, smaller packs introduce themselves as a pack name or by their leader's name. Pack names will connect to the pack as a whole of what they do or what they represent (like Seasilk will mean they are mainly Uzu born with talents of weaving), but if you introduce a smaller pack by their leader name, then you are effectively throwing the leaders reputation in the person’s face because their name means something

It shows independence from the main pack and that their actions don’t reflect the main pack as a whole, hence, any problem or situation they cause will only affect them, effectively protecting the main pack of wilder Hatakes

Not that they aren’t all wild in a sense but smaller packs tend to be very protective in a sense of their smaller pack since they don’t have other members of their clan to help protect their pack

Hence why smaller packs are seen as more dangerous or wilder

But that is not to say the main Hatake clan won’t help the smaller packs, just that if they mess up they should be reasonable with the mess they cause

Like a mother with her child, she will let her child make mistakes, but if a real threat comes, she will defend her child  

(This is another reason the main Hatake clan worries about Team Seven)

Hatakes are known for their varies skill set

As mentioned before, they are farmers and smaller packs have certain skill sets for their pack but because all Hatakes are mainly wanders they pick up many skills from many countries

Metalwork, fishing, cooking, sewing, scouting, scavenging, jewelers, basket weavers, miners, sailer, star readers, shinobi, samurai, mercs, navigators, everything

They travel so much for so many generations that they all pick up multiple skill sets that will help them become useful in various environments and how to use their crafts to help their clan and pack

So its not surprising to see people hire Hatake’s for multiple jobs or errands 

However, civilians do have a fear of Hatake’s for many reasons 

For one, civilians can’t fandom the act of nomads being civilized in any way shape or form. They think Hatakes don't have manners, eat bloody meat and are animals in human skin

(Which is where I gained my skinwalker idea, but later)

They also hate that Hatake’s can take any form of land as their own without having to pay, that they can take the jobs many have worked for at any price, or that the clans have some forms of respect for them and refuse to accept any jobs that go against the Hatakes

They also grew up with the wolves, literally wolves. They see them as canines in human form, walking dogs that only bite and take anything they desire since no one can stand up to them. 

Not all civilians think this since a lot of farmers and even tiny villages do respect them, but their word against the words of middle class and high class civilains don’t do shit

Hatakes are loyal to their family and put great emphasis on family 

They do this for two reasons: one, they take pride in helping each other as a pack like wolves (their clan animals) do for each other as family, and still hold a strong front and two, they adopt into their clan

While yes they do have the wolf mentality of the pack is family, that is mainly blood relatives and newborns brought into the clan. So when adopted children, adults or even spouses came into the picture they weren’t seen the same since they weren’t raised as Hatake’s

This also used to cause conflict in the past for the clan with mainly family fights that turned into blood baths since some Hatakes saw some “outsiders” as pack and others didn’t and hence don’t treat them as family

So the previous Leader of the Hatake clan had to set the mindset that anyone could be part of the pack if they showed loyalty to a Hatake of their clan. If an outsider can be loyal to a Hatake they would be called family 

This would be showcased by trials the previous leaders will put adopted Hatake’s into the clan, each trial different to fit their form of loyalty for the Hatake they claim as family 

Now in the warring state era, they can still do trials but they can also have Hatake members and even the leader watch and judge the actions of the Hatake and adopted Hatake member to see if they share the same form of familiar bond 

The final judgment will always be the Leader of the clan and their wolf, no exceptions 

So sometimes some Hatakes may claim a person as their family but they can’t claim they are Hatake 

So thats their adoption process 

Now clan adoptions into the Hatake clan

Honestly, that's a clan thing, not to say that the Hatakes don’t have a say but depending on the clan that another member of their clan wants to claim, it will be severally difficult 

Like Uchiha or Hyuun? No sir they have to stay in their compound and not travel freely 

Nara’s? Ask for visitation rights and check in’s to make sure their clan member is ok and alive

Inuzuka and Aburame? They don’t mind since they are part of the wild things to

It honestly depends on the clan they try to adopt from

Holidays!

Celebrations that represent harvest, moon, and stars

I think they would have their own version of thanksgiving but for every harvest they have, so a minimum at least two Harvest feasts for them to celebrate 

At first, I wanted the Hatakes to celebrate the actual moon, hence, Kaguya but I thought of making it so that you celebrate the new founding of a Clan Head and/or the current Clan Head themselves

So to understand this, Hatake’s are hand picked by the Clan Head of the Hatakes who will put them through trails. A Clan Head can test as many to as few candidate they see as fit for the position of Clan Head before having the five eldest wolf summons to judge them

Heres is why, the Hatake Head will test who they deem fit to hold their position as a leader in strength, politics, diplomacy, and smarts. Their goal is to test if they are worthy of being a leader they see worthy for the Head position. Once they choice a candidate, they set them up in front of the five eldest wolf summons and their summoners.

The five eldest wolf summons are also a rule due to how many of those summons were there since the founding of the Hatakes and saw the rise and decline and the survival of the clan. They would judge not in diplomacy or human strengths but for Hatake qualities, they saw of their own summoners and previous Hatake Heads

Usually, Heads are from the main branch but that is said loosely. Since Hatakes are notorious to adopt into the clan, no matter the age or previous positions, most Clan Heads would adopt their successors into their family, hence, the main branch family

But anyways, the celebration of the Moon and Stars are how the Hatakes interpret their Clan Head and their wolf summon, as the Moon and Star of their Clan. Its a celebration of not only their Clan Head but of the previous Heads for taking care of their clan for so long

Like a family party of appreciation for the one who protected them all this time. Its seen as a sweet gesture, a sign as to say, let your self rest and let us take care of you

[starbeltconstellation]

So I gotta ask, do you have any headcannons(or cannons I guess since you're the author) about Melanie and Anakin that you can share without spoilers to much.

I'm going through Rewrite the stars withdrawal lol

Awww, thank you so very much for the ask, dear! (And so sorry again about your Rewrite the Stars withdrawal. 😭 Things have been crazyyy in my life. My bro was in the hospital for a while, but he’s okay now though. Also just me fighting my never ending depression spells 🙃). 😅😂

I would be happy to offer some “head” canons! Or canons, technically, as you said. 😂 Lol.

Essentially, this has become like one big, long SW meta analysis and meta analysis on my SW fic, Rewrite the Stars, and Anakin and Melanie’s characters. Sorry for the long response. 😭 I got really into explaining my thoughts. Haha.

I’ll put this under a read more, as it’s VERYYY long:

I’ll just say that the entire reason I started this story is because well, I wanted a fix it fic of course. 😂 But also just because I wanted to write this kind of grand, epic tale in general, just like Star Wars is supposed to be.

A lot of fics I’ve seen like this completely demonize the Jedi most of the time and blame them for their own genocide. And the ones that don’t, also flip it the complete opposite way around and demonize Anakin to where he’s nothing but a cackling demon who kicks puppies for fun (and well… would he do that AFTER the prequel trilogy when he’s in his emo Darth Vader era? Probably. 😂 But he wouldn’t be CACKLING while doing it. He’d be very bitter and callous about it, because Anakin likes to take out his anger on the world when he’s in pain, so by GOD the entire galaxy is gonna be in pain along with him).

But anyways, I’m kinda getting off track.

My point is: the whole reason I started my SW fic is because I wanted to write the type of epic, grand tale of a fic that I’ve been looking for that treats all of its characters with love and respect while ALSO still calling out their flaws and allowing them to grow. That includes everyone: Anakin, Padmé, Ahsoka, Barriss, Mace, Obi-Wan, Dooku, Satine, etc—EVERYONE.

I feel like fandom has become this toxic environment where if you’re criticizing a character, then… (le gasp 😱)… you don’t really LIKE themmm. (Untrue. 😂).

I love, love, LOVE Anakin. He is my hot, insane, child killing bastard of a mans.

… But I also hate him too. 😭😂

I HATE what he’s done and what he believes in after the war and how he just wallows like a child in his pain. I HATE how selfish he is (while at the same time heavily relate to his fear of death and losing those he loves to them dying/growing older). And I also HATE how damn close he was to making a better choice, but he DIDN’T, because in the end, it didn’t MATTER if Anakin technically knew the ‘right’ way to act. He purposely went against it, because he was just too selfish to let go of Padmé (he kinda did a self fulfilling prophecy with her death, but we’re not gonna talk about that part right now), and so he decided his happiness meant more than the entire galaxy, and burned down his childhood home like a school shooter and helped genocide his friends just for the CHANCE to save his wife.

And all of this, in the usual fics I’ve seen, can somehow be undone, just by changing a few little moments in Anakin’s life where he doesn’t get his feelings hurt: ie; Obi-Wan faking his death, Ahsoka leaving the Order/being framed by Barriss, or Mace/Qui-Gon/whoever-the-fuck-you-want-to-say being assigned as his Master instead of Obi-Wan.

And just… no. 😂

As shown through this wonderful SW blog here:

Anakin doesn’t do what he did because, oh, “This, this, and THIS happened to him”, and if you take that away and help him avoid it, he’ll suddenly change and be all warm and fuzzy inside and won’t burn the whole fucking galaxy just because HE cannot handle Padmé (MAYBE) dying and leaving him alone (when he wouldn’t even really BE alone, but Anakin also clearly puts Padmé/romantic love above all else. He might care for his friends and family, but he’d throw them all under the bus if it came down to the wire between them and Padmé). This is something I will go into in the fic as Anakin slowly starts to take a look at himself as he realizes: “wait… wtf? Do I even KNOW what Rex does outside of work? 🤔😨” for him to realize that he’s so obsessive over one person… that everyone else is slowly becoming put to the wayside.

Stopping one or two little things in Anakin’s life during the Clone Wars isn’t going to magically make him see the light and not be a currently ticking time bomb.

That is not how change WORKS. Not REAL change anyway. All of the fics I’ve seen written, usually hand wave a lot of Anakin’s misdeeds and flaws away, and pretend like if you hold Anakin’s hand through certain parts of the war and help him avoid THESE certain moments, that he’ll suddenly just magically become a better person who understands what being selfless and less greedy actually means.

That… is not true change. TRUE change is Anakin HIMSELF realizing slowly but surely as the war goes on that he’s slowly becoming someone he doesn’t recognize in the mirror anymore (*cough* Mel line drop from upcoming chapter? 👀✨ *cough*). TRUE change is Anakin HIMSELF working through his flaws and inner demons, before he gradually begins to realize with a sense of sickening horror that he has been WRONG: ie; massacring an entire Tusken village down to the last child while never telling another soul except Padmé about it and whistling happily to himself without a care in the world as the war rages on.

TRUE change (as you might’ve started to guess from the most recent chapter of my fic) is Anakin HIMSELF slowly but surely starting to question his actions, by comparing them to other people he respects and cares for.

Which brings us to your question on “headcanons”.

The entire purpose of the relationship between Melanie and Anakin (besides me living vicariously through her 😂) is that they are a MIRROR for each other.

Melanie and Anakin, while very different, aren’t COMPLETE and total opposites. There are purposeful parallels between them: their moms, their care of droids, their fear of losing those they love to death, and the PURPOSEFUL CHOICE GIVEN TO MELANIE BY THE SHOPKEEPER 👀 that parallels the choice Anakin is given at the end of ROTS by Palpatine himself in their choice to help the galaxy or be selfish and choose themselves/their own wants instead.

There is a quote I have based their relationship off of. I will share it here (if you are still with me, because I know I ramble a lot 😅😂):

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.

—Elizabeth Gilbert

-

Melanie and Anakin are meant to have parallel journeys, even though their personalities are very different. But it’s more than that: their fatal flaws are in direct conflict with each other.

Anakin’s fatal flaw is: greed/selfishness.

Melanie’s fatal flaw is: fear/judgement.

BUT as they are forced into working together… the more they interact with each other… the more their fatal flaws are FORCED to be challenged by the other.

Anakin’s more selfish nature is challenged more and more by just being in Melanie’s presence and watching how she acts with complete compassion and selflessness in certain situations, which makes him slowly start to look at himself internally and take a look at his own actions and thoughts, gradually beginning to realize how selfish he’s slowly become without even realizing it.

Melanie, in turn, has the purposeful flaw of judgment, which can make her self righteous at times (even if she IS correct most of the time 😂), and also the flaw of fear, which as readers have seen, makes her a bit more cautious than she should be in her actions on trying to outsmart Palpatine to save the galaxy.

It’s kind of ironic: just being AROUND Anakin slowly begins to challenge Melanie’s fatal flaws (since she was completely fucking terrified of him the very first moment she realized she was in the SW universe and realized Anakin/Darth Vader was real now 😂). She sees things in such a black and white way at first, but as time goes on, Anakin’s need to be gentle with her and prove himself to Mel, makes her question her judgment with him, which allows her the ability to give him a chance. In turn, just being in his PRESENCE challenges her other fatal flaw on fear, since he’s a walking nightmare PTSD trigger for her pounding heart (and not always in the fun way 👀💓❤️‍🔥☠️😂).

Anyway, my point is that they aren’t just meant to be together romantically to be TOGETHER. It’s because I have purposefully tried to develop a romantic slow burn relationship that comes with my story to weave itself against the original theme of Rewrite the Stars, which is this: TRUE change and atonement/redemption.

Anakin physically CANNOT get closer to Mel, until he forced himself to take a step back and give her some space. If he wants to get anywhere with her, he HAS to start looking internally at himself to try and change and be more gentle with her.

Melanie, in turn, CANNOT outsmart Palpatine and win the war without Anakin’s help and working together with him over the next three years of The Clone Wars. She HAS to get past her judgment and allow herself to swallow her terror enough to give him a chance, because she NEEDS him to win.

This is a chess match between her and Palpatine, remember? And if you lose the king, you lose the game.

ANAKIN is the king. 👀

I bet you can’t guess what chess piece Melanie is. 😂 Lol.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve done a whole lot of taking in circles (sorry about that 😅), because I wanted to go ahead and explain my whole process for this fic while I had the time, so I can also refer this post if I ever need to again.

Now! Getting into some more FUN Stuff:

Idk if you’ve looked up my fic on Wattpad, but I have a lot of cool graphics posted there from my mind and from other artists/authors that have gifted me such wonderful cover art ( @shoniwake ! 👀✨❤️), and in a certain subsection, I have a whole playlist page dedicated as a type of ‘outline’ for the entire story of my fic (fair warning, it’s a lot 😅), just because I think it helps me with planning stuff out.

I won’t tell you all of them, of course. But I’ll share a few of my favorite songs that I always think are the PERFECT songs for Melanie and Anakin’s relationship and their slow burn romantic development. 😭🥺💔❤️💕✨

Innocence by Nathan Wagner

Stronger Together by Lou & SQVARE

Now I See by Lou & SQVARE

-

I love these three songs so much, because of their theme of two people coming together as a team and/or learning to open up their hearts to the other and to help the other person the see world in a different way. 🥹❤️💕

This is basically what I want for Melanie and Anakin. Their relationship isn’t just about having a romance in the story (although that’s part of it. Haha 😂💕). It’s about how their relationship meshes in with the rest of the themes of the story: TRUE change and growth into something better.

Melakin is purposely written to be in direct contrast to Anidala (which is still written with care and not erasing their genuine affection, by the way! I think it’s extremely lazy writing to write a canon relationship OOC just to prop up your OC’s own), which shows the difference between a more healthy developing relationship that is based on genuine care and respect (Melakin) and in contrast with one that is more based around idealizing the other person/ignoring their faults and putting them up on a pedestal that is sure to lead to disappointment (Anidala).

This is, as you know from reading the fic, slowly starting to be shown in how Anidala acts with each other in their trash fire (in my opinion! Don’t kill meeee! 🙌😂) of a marriage, which has them basically talking past each other/not really caring about anything that isn’t SPECIFICALLY RELEVANT to the other person (ie; them. Not anything with their family or job. Just THEM. Because while the love is genuine, it’s also eerily obsessive, which was GL’s whole point of them being star crossed lovers that burn out from their own flawed choices in regards to being together and trying to have it all).

This is also shown in my fic with Melakin vs Anidala contrasting each other in Anakin’s choices and how he interacts with them. Anakin REMEMBERS stuff about Mel’s life and choices that really he has no need to care about, but he does anyway. In contrast, there is a scene in the latest chapter of my SW fic where Anakin forgets a very… important member… of Padmé’s family 😭 (If you know, you know 👀🫣😬). 😂

I guess what I’m saying is is that I’m trying to not PREACH to the readers of my fic. I’m trying to write scenes that SHOW them what I believe to be true in regards to Anidala’s toxic relationship/the Jedi being scapegoats that everyone cruelly blames for their own genocide/how the Jedi culture might not be how THE READERS want to live, but it doesn’t change the fact that it IS a valid culture/way to live, and it doesn’t deserve to be eradicated just because you don’t understand/like/agree with it.

I’m trying to lead up into the themes and lessons of my fic as I go along, is what I’m saying. 😂 Which is a really heavy feat, considering how long it’ll end up being as a grand, epic tale. 😩

And a big part of the theme of my SW Fic: genuine change and growth into something better than you were before (ie; TRUE redemption) cannot happen to Anakin as easily as some of the time travel fix-it fics/other fix-it fics I’ve seen written on A03 before. Changing a few little things so Anakin doesn’t have to deal with a few moments in his life is not GENUINE and TRUE change. What that is is essentially placation. It’s PLACATING and CODDLING someone dangerous, which allows them (for the MOMENT) to calm down, because they are generally happy and have the things they want and aren’t under stress like Anakin was in the ending of ROTS when there was nobody there to hold his hand for him to ‘guide’ him in the right direction.

For TRUE change and redemption to happen for Anakin, he has to admit to himself that he was WRONG.

He has to ADMIT and ACKNOWLEDGE that actions he has taken are horrific (the Tusken Massacre), and accept people’s/the Jedi’s judgment on it without becoming defensive and acting like he’s being unfairly attacked and punished for something not that big of a deal. He has to ADMIT and ACKNOWLEDGE that his thought process has slowly but surely become corrupted over the years without him even realizing it, whether that’s from the war or Palpatine stroking his ego or from the trauma of his childhood making him cling to things too hard—it doesn’t really matter. He has to RECOGNIZE that he has become someone over the years that he can’t even recognize in the mirror in relation to that little nine year old boy on Tatooine (about how selfish he has become), and what he can do to change that.

I know some fans will think I am attacking Anakin and that I hate him or something (and well… I DO hate him… but I also love him 🫣☠️❤️😂), but that is not the case. I LOVE Anakin’s character and truly relate to him on such a deep level in terms of how terrified he is of losing the people he loves to death. I can recognize myself and some of my worst fears deeply in him.

However, at the same time, I can also acknowledge that Anakin’s trauma from his childhood (from slavery/his mother dying in front of him), has essentially made his entire personality completely self serving. Because yes, Anakin can care about other people. He cares about and loves his friends. He’d do anything he could to keep them from harm (at least in TCW era 🥶☠️), but the hard truth is… he doesn’t think of his relationships and saving them from death in terms of what his LOVED ONES deserve or what THEY will lose if they die. He thinks about it in terms of what HE will lose if they die.

He straight up says it in the scene with Mace and then the scene with Palpatine: He NEEDS to keep Palpatine (who he KNOWS is an evil Sith Lord) alive, because it’s the only way he can keep Padmé alive. HE can’t live without HER.

There’s genuine love there. I am not denying that. Anakin isn’t a cackling villain like Palpatine (it’s the whole reason Anakin CAN be talked into coming back to the Light Side by Luke, whereas Palpatine would melt Luke’s fucking face off without hesitation if he tried). He cares and loves his family and friends and wife and kids… in a TOXIC way. In an OBSESSIVE way. In a way that is essentially all about HIM: ie; selfish.

Example 1:

Out of context, this sounds very romantic and simply just a reasonable amount of worry. But in relation to all the other things Anakin will end up saying while referring to Padmé as essentially a possession, I’m placing it here anyway as perhaps a sign of his darkening thoughts.

Example 2:

Yes, yes, I knowwww… some of you ladies will be like: 🥺💔 at the sad murder puppy moment. And I suppose it’s still very evil wet cat bastard level/blorbo of him in a intoxicating way for people who want to feel loved—at the same time, he’s essentially saying: look, man, I don’t care if I gotta murder some kids and betray my friends and descend the galaxy and Republic into darkness (which I know my wife will be fucking horrified at). It’s very important that I DO NOT have to deal with this pain, okay?? 😭 Everyone else can be in pain, but not meeee. I’ll crush and stab my friends in the back just so I won’t be left alone from my wife dying.

Very sad. Very wet cat villain blorbo of him.

And yet—VERY selfish and evil. 😭🤷‍♀️👀😂

He’s essentially saying—fuck the galaxy. Let me get mine, and I’ll go home. ☠️

Example 3:

This one’s pretty obvious. By this point, he’s lost his shit. His mind’s already cracking at the seams as he tries to keep justifying the actions he’s taken, which will eventually lead into his 20 year long dissociation where he essentially goes, “Nahhh, that wasn’t meee. That was DARTH VADER. Anakin didn’t do that, because ANAKIN is still a good person (he mutters to himself over and over like a maniac at night in his emo villain lair), whereas I AM THE DARK INCARNATE. 😌🖤” so he doesn’t have to admit to himself that HE—yes, THAT he, Anakin fucking Skywalker—has become an actual terrible fucking person with no heart. 🤷‍♀️😭😬

I don’t see why this is so hard for SW fandom to get. It’s a METAPHOR George Lucas uses to say Darth Vader killed Anakin (and also just a way to plug up the plot hole of what Obi-Wan originally told Luke in the first movie). It doesn’t mean that Anakin’s consciousness is sleeping inside Vader’s head like a fucking cat. Lmao. 😭

Not only would that not make SENSE in terms of how GL wrote it, but it also just essentially makes Anakin’s ‘redemption’ (I don’t really view it as a true redemption. More like just the Christian version of salvation for his soul by the skin of his teeth. Although GL did say Anakin was redeemed in the eyes of LUKE only, because he said some crap about being redeemed in the eyes of our children) all but useless. 😭 You can’t say on one hand that Darth Vader’s ‘redemption’ is the most iconic one of all time, while at the same time saying on the other hand that “Anakin never did any of those things. It was DaRtH VaDeR! 🤪🤪🤪” because then you’re essentially absolving Anakin of all of his crimes while on the Dark Side, and if Anakin is absolved of all of his crimes… then wtf is there TO make him the most iconic ‘redemption’ of all time??? 😭🤷‍♀️ I mean, like—what IS there to ‘redeem’ at that point??? Ya can’t have both, kids. Lol. 😂

This is also essentially what Anakin wanted in terms of his relationship with Padmé and the Jedi Order. He wanted it ALL. He wanted BOTH. Sureee, he TALKED about quitting the Jedi Order eventually after the war to be with Padmé in a little space cottage. But could he WALK THE WALK? Could he really give up the thrill of chasing an enemy, or the twitch of his fingers in reaching for his lightsaber? 😑🤔 Me myself has some doubtssss.

He wanted it ALL. He wanted to be married while ALSO having the strength and power that came from being a Jedi Knight. He didn’t WANT to choose. He even SAYS it.

Example 4: Essentially this SW meme

He doesn’t want to CHOOSE. And it’s why it’s BS when it’s argued he was put in this position by the Council’s rules on marriage, because it’s LITERALLY just like a vow of a priest at a Catholic Church. They can’t marry either, just like the Jedi Order. BUT (unlike what fandom likes to believe), the Order isn’t some cult, and you are free to leave at any time (and hell, they’ll even build a statue after you leave, apparently, if the one they built of Dooku that’s in the Archives (I think) is anything to go by), just as a priest is free to leave the Catholic Church at any time. Because it’s a COMMITMENT to that place. And people might think it’s dumb/stupid/not like it—or even understand it! And you don’t HAVE to like something from a religion/culture/belief, or understand something, to still respect it (another theme drop for the next chapter of my SW fic? 👀😂).

So, what some people will probably wonder is—“But, Starbelt! (Le gasp 😱) Then how is the Jedi culture going to be respected in my fic, if Melakin is still endgame at the end of their slow, slow burn?”

And to that question, I say, “I am not a by-the-book-to-the-very-LETTER interpreter of the Jedi Code (although I’m not saying the code of an entire culture is gonna be ‘changed’ for legit one person/couple. Lmao. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️😂), but I AM a Jedi lover who is of the belief that—even if you don’t completely AGREE or even UNDERSTAND the Jedi Order and their code—it shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t be difficult to respect it. It shouldn’t be difficult to not scold a culture on their beliefs, while essentially saying that belief is the reason it is ‘good’ for The Force/galaxy that they were genocided as a ‘clean slate’. 😬🤦‍♀️☠️”

What I WILL say, is that I am going to explore the Jedi Order and the different interpretations of the Code and The Force in general in this fic, and what that means in terms of coexistence, instead of the frankly childish notion of just painting an entire culture as emotionless and wrong in their beliefs, like they are some kind of stuck up, snooty and rich culture that ‘deserved what they got’. 🙄🤦‍♀️😬☠️

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ANYWAY, back to my point with Anakin, and how my fic is trying to complete the most massive and epic of all writing tasks: making Anakin slowly change and grow out of his greed and selfishness into a better person in such an organic way, that perhaps may one day be compared with the likes of Zuko’s redemption from ATLA (I know, I knowww. Pretty high hopes for myself. Lol. 😂).

So, essentially, in the original “timeline” of ROTS, Anakin is freaking losing it, and since nobody is there to hold his hand, he descends right into the core selfishness that is buried inside of him, where he basically just decides, “Fuck it,” and throws all of his morals out the window so he can keep himself from the pain of losing Padmé (ie; it’s really about HIM and his fear, and not about Padmé deserving to live and see more beauty in the world) by cutting off Mace’s hand to stop him from killing Palpatine, because—in Anakin’s OWN words:

Example 5:

Like… 🤷‍♀️😭.

People like to sing “Lalalala,” and plug their ears by pretending Anakin is just so shocked in this scene (le gasp 😱) that Mace is being so UN-JEDI-LIKE, and that it just convinced him that the Jedi Order truly has been ‘corrupted’. 🤦‍♀️🙄

Now see… that might hold some water if Anakin literally didn’t scream “I NeEd HiM! 😡” at Mace like an unhinged five year old, which literally PROVES that the only reason Anakin wants Mace to keep Palpatine alive and not to kill the guy yet is because he needs to learn the super-secret-Dark-Side-magicy way of how to save himself from the pain of losing Padmé to dying in childbirth.

… Because like some may recall, Anakin LITERALLY beheaded Dooku himself all but like… what? 12 hours ago? 😭🤦‍♀️

Essentially, this meme:

So, essentially, what I’m getting at here is: Anakin is a goddamn hypocrite. 😂

Now, in relation to my SW fic? What I essentially am TRYING to accomplish, is to have Anakin slowly CHANGE HIMSELF as the war goes on and he interacts more with Melanie and witnesses her compassion, while in turn comparing her actions to his own.

Melanie isn’t supposed to ‘fix’ or ‘change’ Anakin. Anakin is supposed to be INSPIRED to change from how he grows to care and admire Mel’s choices and who she is inside her heart as the Clone Wars rages on.

I do all of this, so in the HOPES that when he is presented with this scene again, it makes perfect sense to all readers of my fic that his choice may become different—essentially choosing for ONCE, a more selfless route, out of no expectation that he will gain anything in return (that only happens with Luke like—20 years later—and it’s not like he had many other options at that point. 😭🤷‍♀️ Lol.).

(And as I said—MAY become different… 👀 After all, Melanie still has a long way to go before the end of the war… 👀)

But yeah—that’s my plans with my SW Anakin x OC Fic, Rewrite the Stars, and how I’m planning it and Melakin’s relationship to go. I placed a big feat on myself. 😂❤️💕

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If you wanna see some of my like… ideas/notes on what I have planned to eventually place in there somewhere, I will show you a few things, because it’s not really SPOILERS, since I already talk about the Jedi genocide a lot anyway (it drives me up the wall when SW fandom refers to it as ThE FaLl Of ThE jEdi 🤪🤪🤪). Guess it makes it easier to blame them all for their own deaths that way if you refer to their genocide and slaughter as a “fall”. 😭🙄 Idk. 🤷‍♀️

I also have some stuff with the history of Churches splitting into different factions (ie: The Great Schism of 1054), which I will be weaving in as a parallel at some point. 👀👀 I will not explain why, as that would be too spoilery, but I’m sure some of my more in depth analysis readers on my work could guess if they thought about it hard enough… 👀

There are also some comparisons on the Jedi genocide in the SW universe, and how it parallels the Air Nomad genocide in the ATLA universe pretty much to a T in terms of how fast it all happens in one day, and also how any survivors were hunted down and lured out with relics of their own culture, not to MENTION just the fact that both of these cultures are just non-western inspired in general (seriously, what is with people and killing monks in Temples? Lol. 🤷‍♀️😂). It’s also just an interesting comparison in general, because where the ATLA fandom usually is quite sympathetic to the Air Nomad genocide, on the other hand, the SW fandom is so nauseatingly nonchalant and cruel about the Jedi Order’s genocide that it’s almost downright weird. It’s almost like the SW fandom has this THING about never calling the Jedi’s “Fall 🙄” what it actually was—a horrific genocide. I swear to Godddd, SW fandom must be allergic to the word. 😂🤦‍♀️

I also threw in the ‘Hero’s journey’ thing I’ve been using for Melanie to try and make her a relatable protagonist, while also still having her own character arc along with Anakin’s. It was really important to me that she had her OWN arc away from Anakin, and that she had more connections and relationships in the SW universe than just him. Not only does it weaken her character if she had been made to be all about HIM, but it also just makes a certain… choice… 👀… with The Shopkeeper (her antagonist who parallels Palpatine, Anakin’s antagonist) hit all the more harder, because saving the ENTIRE GALAXY isn’t even about saving ANAKIN at all for her. Not at first, anyway.

Instead, from the very beginning, it’s all about how Melanie grows to care and feel compassion for the people she meets in the SW universe and becomes friends with, and how she cannot turn away from them and leave them behind to die, when she has knowledge that can help change their fates. It was SO important to me that Anakin is not even on Mel’s RADAR at first. She doesn’t hate him or anything. She doesn’t want him dead, but it’s not really about SAVING him either (if that happens along the way, it’s a happy bonus for her). Because—as you know—she’s TERRIFIED of him in the beginning, and just plans to avoid him like the plague.

And in doing so, she grows closer to others in the SW universe: Ahsoka, Rex, Yoda, Fives, Obi-Wan, all of the other clones, etc. ALL of that is so important for a certain choice she makes with The Shopkeeper (which I won’t spoil for any new readers who may stumble across this post and want to read my work 👀😂).

So, essentially, my fic is a grand, epic tale, that our main protagonist, Melanie Bains, is going on to save millions of lives in a galaxy far, far away from death and suffering.

No pressure, huh? 😂😬

That’s definitely going to crack and fracture at Mel’s psyche as time goes on… 🥶 The weight of such a feat on one’s shoulders essentially all alone becomes overwhelming. 😓💔 (*Cough* Hint for next chapter? 👀 *cough*).

So I’m really trying to follow that ‘Hero’s journey’ format. I already have her character arc outlined with a clear beginning and end. I just have to find the will to write the thousands and thousands of words to get there to that point. 😩😭😂

It still makes me so happy how many people relate and enjoy Mel. 😌🥹❤️💓🥰

Some planned themes I am going to weave in as the story goes along:

Example 1: Genocide

Air Nomad genocide propaganda from ATLA:

Jedi Order genocide propaganda (Not sure if it’s from before or after Order 66. Either way, it’s meant to rile the populace up against them and demonize the Jedi as ‘other’, like emotionless wizards that are barely human and aren’t capable of true compassion since they’re a ‘cult’ and not from ‘true’ familial structures, unlike the ‘good ol’ regular populace with their attachments 🤪’) from SW:

Example 2: Church factions splitting up/The Great Schism of 1054

Example 3: Hero’s Journey (Mel’s character arc)

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… Now, moving past that long meta ramble, here’s some more songs from my playlist on Wattpad for Melakin’s developing romantic relationship and it’s slow, slow burnnnn. 👀💓❤️‍🔥😂

Borderline by Florrie

Let Me In by Michael Corcoran

The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson

Minefields by Faouzia & John Legend

Unlike the previous songs in the earlier part of this meta post, THESE songs are more about Melakin struggling to open up to each other. I’ll admit, a lot of it is more focused on Anakin trying to get Melanie to open up to him, because he doesn’t understand why she’s acting so terrified of him at first.

The one song that’s more about both of them trying to find common ground is “Borderline”, which is meant to be them both reaching out and trying to meet each other halfway. 😊🥰🥺❤️💕

And if you’re wondering what my favorite song is out of all of them?

It’s the “Innocence by Nathan Wagner” song. WITHOUT a doubt. It’s the PERFECT Melakin song that is basically what the whole arc of their relationship is supposed to be. 😭🥹❤️💔💕

Whew, that was a long post! So sorry about that. 😅😂🤷‍♀️ I just got really into talking about my fic and my writing process. I think this has even helped me with motivation! Losing hyperfixations is a bitchhhh. 😖😖

The only other thing I will add is this to hopefully ease your and everyone else’s minds: I may have to go on hiatuses every now and then because of writer’s block or a family/life problem like the recent one with my brother being in the hospital for a while. BUT! No matter WHAT, I will NEVER abandon this fic. It is literally gonna be my damn life’s work—I swearrrrr. 😖✊😂

To end this long SW meta off, I’m going to link another two great Pro Jedi SW meta posts from the wonderful Pro Jedi blog I mentioned earlier. Feel free to check it out if you want, because it’s a lot of Mel’s thoughts on the Jedi, and part of the problems she has to find a way to solve as the war goes on by trying to keep the Jedi in favor of the public’s eyes:

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To any new readers that stumble across this and are curious enough to check out my fic:

Tags:

@ensomniaa

@heartfairy

@fangirlteallie

@xreadersunite

@shoniwake

[bodysnatch3r]

putting this under a read more because i have nowhere else to put it. this ended up being long! mostly i am Processing.

i think what's fucking me up about veilguard being so polarising is that i have no way to make my own value judgement. i can't play it, at all, full stop. consoles are expensive, i live paycheck-to-paycheck and realistically speaking cannot even begin to think about buying a current gen console until well into 2025. i was saving up and then in june shit happened and those savings had to be used for something else and my stipend got reduced by a couple dozen pounds and the bills went up. so it goes.

i do not want to watch someone play it because it is just antithetical to how i relate to dragon age as media, and besides anyone posting playthroughs is inundated with critical comments. and the result is that the usual mechanisms i have against brainworms concerning certain types of critical statements—knowing i can fall back on my own experiences with the games and my own judgements of where the writing succeeded or didn't, what story am i trying to tell through these interactive games, how do i reconcile it with the story the devs were trying to tell, where does it diverge, etc.—are totally inaccessible to me.

this would have been fine, i think, if the fandom consensus i've been seeing hadn't been mostly "either you hate it or love it with no in between. and if you think the opposite of me you are Stupid". which. well i guess ten years in the fandom have taught me Nothing. but i digress.

i would have been fine, because i know from experience that i am often satisfied with scraps that others may find lacking—for example, i think dai quickly dropping and flattening the mage/templar conflict into a couple of missions in the hinterlands was fine, because we have several books that hint at and deal with the larger-branching consequences of da2. much of my fan experience is, generally, concerned with where i can "fill in the blanks" because that is what interests me the most. i thrive in the corners and margins. the less i know, the more i can take what canon gives us and run.

plus, over the years i have developed a tendency to meet bioware where they are at. past experience in creative industries has really shown to me how stifling any form of artmaking can be in a corporate environment, and i know that right now the blame as to why we got veilguard and not joplin is being passed around like a hot potato, but the truth of the matter is, we will never know beyond the fact that bioware management is beholden, like all companies, to the "number go up" capitalist doctrine, no doubt reinforced by their parent company ea. and that, at least following the failure of anthem and andromeda (but i suspect from even earlier, as david gaider has said), bioware has been the ugly duckling of ea's roster. (as an aside, i would love to know who in ea has such a soft spot for bioware, that they allowed them to continue on following those massive failures.)

what i am trying to say is, i have been struggling so much with something i had managed to heal myself from, precisely because the one coping mechanism that does work for me (stewing in the source material) is totally inaccessible to me. so i have all of this antsy, nervous, conflicted energy, exacerbated by my own obsessive tendencies and the fact that sometimes having a childhood hyperfixation return full force as an adult just really fucking sucks when my personality is prone to regressing into harmful thought patterns and behaviours—is it as bad as people are saying? will it be a massive disappointment when i finally do play it? should i even like it when apparently it is such a slap in the face to the fans?—and nowhere to put it.

i kind of preferred it when we all thought this game was just never going to come out and i had made peace with it.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  Cchapsticck! @cchapsticck has 9 fics posted to AO3 in the Stranger Things fandom and all of them are in the Steddie tag!

@dreamwatch recommends the following works by @cchapsticck

UNTITLED RECORDING rcd ca. 1987-1988

ANACRUSIS ca. 1987

RED ATMOSPHERES rcd. 1995

THE UNENDING HOWL EP rcd. 1999

wait, runner

"cchapsticck's Eddie is one of my all time favourites. It's one of the most complex depictions of Eddie I’ve every read; every work is a beautiful character study. Eddie’s history and trauma are laid bare; it feels real, and it hurts. cchapsticck’s writing is just insanely good, lines hit like massive gut punches. I love the METALHEAD series so, so much, and if you're a fan of 'musician Eddie' fics then it's a must read. Every fic is incredible, hit after hit. Writing this good deserves to be celebrated." -- @dreamwatch

Below the cut, @cchapsticck answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I’ll be honest, it's probably exclusively because of Eddie. I’ve been a fan of Stranger Things since its original release but wasn’t really participating in the fandom side of things until season 4. As a Dungeons and Dragons nerd with an abrasive taste in music myself, of course there was the kindred spirit-ness of Eddie’s introduction to the series, but more than that he made the normal midwestern town of Hawkins feel more a character than a setting to me than it had been previously, and that really amplified my interest in his character and the space he takes up in the narrative environment that were only just then learning about. There were so many implications about him and about Hawkins that were just left on the table that I couldn’t get enough of. Prior to season 4 Steve had been my favorite character, I’d always been invested in his little redemption roadtrip and his “otherness” stumbling blocks over the seasons. How he’s cultivated this arc of rallying against an archetype that’s comfortable but worse for him in the long term - and I found myself really excited by Eddie’s sort-of inversion of that same journey as Steve’s. Both of them still sort of stuck in their ways assigning social value based on arbitrary factors and are comfortable in the more judgmental impulses they have when they first really meet, but they’re coming from opposite perspectives on the nerd/jock hierarchy and the self imposed tensions between them there and what it might take beyond the actual end of the world to overcome those things. I love a mess.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I wouldn’t say that I’m a reader who specifically seeks out any one particular trope over another in the strictest sense, I have the capacity to be just as invested as an enemies to lovers as I am a childhood friends to lovers, kind of thing. But generally speaking I love a character study - I genuinely enjoy works that have the creators really deeply held headcanons and making a whole world with and around it, I love some angst - I’ll never say no to a little melodrama. I really enjoy work with a really strong point of view, and I like to be sad.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

I love an unreliable narrator, I love a flawed perspective, I love a narrator who lies to themselves (and you, dear reader) a little about what’s going on. I have a lot of fun as a writer getting into the way we talk to ourselves about the things we’re living with and the shapes we bend ourselves into to do the living.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

This is hard, I have read so many impactful fics I could easily fire off 5 right now but for the sake of brevity I will say this: I rotate afterlight by Kostas around in my head like a rotisserie chicken on the regular. There’s such a deeply felt and embodied sense of Eddie’s past throughout, and how it manifests in his present - as well as some genuinely charming details about Eddie’s present and his benign quirks that have only helped compile his bad reputation and how the life he had prior to getting wrapped up in the supernatural fits into the public narrative of canon events. The very nostalgic vibes of fall and what we of the American midwest get up to at that time feel so real. And it's so genuinely sweet, the getting-togtherness, while also being not-that-simple. It has so much going for it, really truly, and navigates and emotional complexity and honesty that I’m envious of as a writer.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I’ve written very little about Dungeons and Dragons in all of my writing about Eddie and Stranger Things (I guess a lightweight AU not withstanding?), and that feels like such a missed opportunity for me to have a lot of fun. I’ve been playing Dungeons and Dragons since I was in high school, I have such a deep love for ttrpgs and collaborative storytelling but man, 1e of D&D is so dense and incomprehensible part of me wonders if it's actually really boring to write about to-hit statistics and spreadsheets but alas it stands as a really nerdy sirensong to me.

What is your writing process like?

It's a whole mess. It’s genuinely a wonder I get anything done. I tend to get fixated on granular character things that I want to explore and it all sort of explodes outward from there. I’m almost entirely a stream of consciousness writer, and I usually only loosely have specific beats or emotional landmarks I want to hit when I begin writing but it's a pretty amorphous sense of what I’m trying to write. I tend to write mostly chronologically while I’m in that first pass of story dumping and it’s pretty rare the structure changes dramatically after that. From there I make several editing passes to fix anything from grammatical errors to character voice. I’m pretty sure I could be in the “nit pick it to death” phase forever and have to bully myself into calling it quits in order to publish.

Do you have any writing quirks?

My perspective might be a little flawed, but I think I tend to write without an abundance of plot? I think it's a product of how I write; where there aren’t a series of events that I hope to navigate, but more a series of emotional car crashes I wish to describe? I also make playlists for everything. Sometimes a playlist is 3 hours of music, other times it’s about 4 songs I listen to on a loop while I write. Each of my published works have a pretty distinct “theme song”.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Oh, finished writing - no question. I cannot be held to a schedule, I’m so allergic to it. I am horrifically at the mercy of my fickle creative drive. I struggle with writer’s block not infrequently and I’ve definitely put myself in situations writing on a schedule where I felt like I had to brute force my way through the block to meet a publishing goal and ultimately wasn’t happy with what I put out there because I didn’t give myself the kind of time I need to work.

Which fic are you most proud of?

I think that goes to dog at the door. It definitely was the fic that gave me the most trouble, and challenged me the most with what I wanted to accomplish and how it forced me to deviate from my normal writing process, I’ve never written suspense or horror before and I genuinely do not have an objective read on how successful that was. I have mixed feelings about the piece as a whole, but I’m proud of the work and of myself for sticking with it and getting it out there despite the way it challenged and frustrated me at times.

How did you get the idea for UNTITLED RECORDING rcd ca. 1987-1988?

I grew up in the Great Lakes area in the not too distant future of the events of the show in a semi-rural/semi-suburban town that Hawkins always reminded me of. Similarly, I spent a lot of my teenage years in go-nowhere bands and driving around the state at basement shows for other go-nowhere bands and I had been thinking about the kind of community that experience that built for me at that time, and at the time - in the fandom, I was seeing a lot of Rockstar Eddie and I was very charmed by this desire a lot of people in the fandom seemed to be having about affording him a kind of positive notoriety, for once in all of our various hypothetical futures. And that personal reflection of a period of my own life, plus what was spinning around the ecosystem of the fandom at the time sort of coalesced into this character study I wanted to do about The Midwest and Alternative Music and Finding Yourself Authentically within the boundaries of those spaces. Steddie wormed its way into the concept because one, I like it. Two, as much as it's clear that Hawkins is a burden to Eddie and his character, I think the same can be said for Steve, but again, a little in reverse. It's good to leave your hometown, even when you’re comfortable and welcome there. It felt like an appropriate experience for them to both have, together, to different ends.

When writing UNTITLED RECORDING rcd ca. 1987-1988, what was something you didn’t expect?

That there was going to be so much of it! METALHEAD, the series, was initially just the first UNTITLED segment and when I’d wrapped that up I realized there was more I wanted to do. Both with form and I just felt like I wasn’t quite done with this version of Eddie I was writing, it didn’t feel like the whole story even though I felt like I’d written the whole story. No idea if that even makes sense.

What inspired ANACRUSIS ca. 1987?

Honestly, I think I mostly just wanted to try to write Steve’s voice and perspective. I only briefly described the “getting together” moment in UNTITLED and I thought it would be kind of fun to have that exist more concretely, but I’d already established Eddie’s perspective on it by that point and to retell that moment from his perspective felt needlessly repetitive, so there really seemed like there was only one appropriate narrator. And while I was writing it I think I realized I wanted there to be some kind of indicator that despite things going well and being good in UNTITLED, they were still sort of missing each other where they were at, in that moment.

What was your favorite part to write from RED ATMOSPHERES rcd. 1995?

The periodical segments! I actually had a lot of fun looking up back issues of genre magazines from the time. I definitely lost a lot of writing hours just reading Metal Edge. I used to read Kerrang! and AP when I was a teenager and I remembered the articles in those magazines always had a certain kind of journalistic voice and I wanted to try to capture some of that from those periodicals. Ultimately I think I ended up abandoning a lot of that specific tone and erring a little more contemporary with the focus and tone because I wanted the journalistic perspective on Eddie as a sort-of public figure to serve a specific contrast to the reality of his inner life, but it was a fun research project to be sure.

How do/did you feel writing THE UNENDING HOWL EP rcd. 1999?

I think HOWL had about 3 or 4 false starts, I had all these ideas for it to be a lot of different things when I first set out to wrap up METALHEAD and I stalled out on every single one of them. The scope was really broad and I was struggling to pull out anything that felt important in what I was writing. It was really discouraging for a long time because I felt really committed to this final element of the series and I wanted this sort-of catharsis at the end of it all, fragile as it kind of ended up being, but I just could not write something that was working for me. I couldn’t say why or how, but it was actually a The Wonder Years song that made everything click into place about funerals and closure and yadda yadda yadda but up until that moment there was a lot of doubting myself and floundering to finish the series. I think my relationship with HOWL is still a little fragile, as a result of me feeling really insecure about its process, but I think ultimately I’m proud of being able to just to finish an undertaking like METALHEAD.

What was the most difficult part of writing wait, runner?

Fighting the desire to make everything okay! runner started its life as a lot of scrapped sections of UNTITLED and some cut material from my first ST fic, sunflower broke because it became clear to me I was preoccupied with certain elements of Eddie’s inner life; staying in Hawkins, being a pariah, self medication, etc. and so much of that and its place in a post-canon-Eddie-lives world is tremendously bleak. So it felt dishonest to make some kind of unambiguously and clearly happy way forward, but the self loathing and self doubt I was writing in that piece felt so oppressive I kept catching myself trying to mitigate some of that and make these characters happy and I kept having to back down from it because it wasn’t really the point of any of these writerly meditations on this character.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I really enjoyed writing the very low stakes banter in head line, particularly Steve and Eddie being able to talk about their respective reputations without getting too deep into it: “Well then let me fill you in: I’m bad news. Headline bad news.” “Sure, but I like you.” Sure, like he agrees. But, like it doesn’t matter.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Not so much! I have a few fics in the works that I’m hoping I can massage into something fit for public viewing but I’m not really working on a timeline right now.

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Oh gosh, not much. Just a thank you to who nominated me, I am genuinely touched. But also to thank the mods of this blog, this is really wonderful work you’re doing here!

Thank you to our author, @cchapsticck, and our nominator, @dreamwatch! See more of Cchapsticck's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[yuri-is-online]

Hi! Hope you had safe and healthy holidays. I had a very sudden thought about your Yutu AU and was thought you needed to hear it.

So for some of the boys, like Azul!Yutu and Lilia!Yutu, they want their dad's approval and acceptance more than anything. And you've talked about how a lot of them would have "feelings" wondering if their dad would approve of who they were before coming back in time. So what would happen if Yutu had been assigned female at birth before transitioning at some point? Would that be another layer of absolute drama on top of the regular drama they have to be dealing with? (If this is an inappropriate ask, that is completely understandable) Just a thought I had out of the blue a couple of days ago (at the time I'm writing this ask)

One other thing, though this is completely unrelated. Beyond TWST and Tokyo Debunker and that Pending slot on your Index, what other games would you and do you write for? I'm trying to get back into writing for Coral Island and Our Life after too long so I'm wondering if there's other games you write for!

Stay safe, stay healthy, and may the new year treat you well!

Sincerely,

The Anon Who Loves Riddle & Azul

Hello there my friend.

I don't think it's an offensive ask at all, but I'm maybe not the most qualified to speak on it? But I'll add my understanding anyway with the statement I'm very much open to comment on the topic:

Children, generally speaking, are hard wired to want the approval of their parents. Being Trans is a unique lived experience that can come with a great deal of family related trauma specifically because of that. In Yutu's case, I could see it adding a layer of stress, but I would also say it's not exactly a separate layer so much as it makes the existing layer of insecurity thicker if that makes any sense? Yutu wishes to be accepted for who he is. Who he is happens to be unique in a way his father might not have been expecting, perhaps the concept of gender identity would become the primary worry as opposed to say, Azul! Yutu's concern his dad won't like how he was placed in Savanaclaw. But it wouldn't really make the relationship dynamic any more dramatic, or at least I wouldn't set out to write it that way. If anything I could see it adding more drama to Yutu's father's determination to set things right so his son has a safe environment to transition in as opposed to the apocalyptic one he came from.

Lol the pending slot is less "there's a fandom here" and more just me reserving the right to add to the list. Farming sims and otomes always make me scrunch my face a bit because they're much more... solved? Than something like twisted wonderland or tbd. There's a set storyline already and there's less to imagine about how a specific character might feel... I did briefly consider writing for Honkai Star Rail but meh. My interest is so very fickle. As for what I'd write for the list goes something like:

Final Fantasy XIV- I talk about it too much not too and it was technically the original purpose of this blog. I have Aymeric x wol angst from four years ago now that I never finished and I know I was cooking with it I stg

Original Work- I have some one shots I wrote I wanted to post featuring my own seven deadly demons since to maybe help me write their game universe better but meh. Who knows if it'd be interesting or not.

Baulder's Gate/Pillars of Eternity/Owlcat's Pathfinder games- I don't really like the idea of posting anything I have written for this. The scared texts of o.c. x cannon are unfit for anyone's eyes but mine.

I technically came up with a fanfic based off of fashion dreamer today but I think that's best saved for the trash and not posting.

Anyway thank you very much for the new years wishes my friend. I hope your year is wonderful, your inspiration is plentiful, and you have all the time you desire to do as you please <3