#i have so many thought and emotions right now idk if i’m making any sense

[ahappyphjl]

the thing is, we all see and are aware of the love dnp have for each other. the unbreakable bond that transcends romance and friendship. but for them to acknowledge it head on… truly a new era. it’s them saying they accept that we’re all going to perceive them in our own ways, and it’s okay. they trust us. they know who they are, how they feel about each other, and that’s what’s most important. but that they would love to share a big part of their lives with us, a part that brings them happiness, knowing how much happiness that brings us. like whether or not they hard launch, i feel like this is where we’re at and im just so incredibly happy for them

[cosmicisms]

alhaitham being whipped for his lover

sfw

gn!reader

a/n: love you alhaitham but you’ve been temporarily benched for a twink magician. sorry! also idk what the format of this post is like, i just threw words together without much thought.

alhaitham who had no want or need for romance before meeting you.

panics upon getting to know you more because he can sense something is wrong.

he’s very in tune with his own emotions and thoughts, so right off the bat, he knows that you’re making him feel some type of way.

poor guy, you’ve made him doubt everything he ever knew about himself.

you’d never realise it, though.

even when you greeted him with your happy smile, placing the hot coffee on his desk, he simply nods and politely thanks you.

oh god, but if you could peek into his mind. panic.

he’d usher you out of his office, claiming that you’re distracting him from the files he must attend to, even though you’re pretty sure he’s asked you out to lunch many a time during his work hours. hm…

after a while he caves, tired of denying his own feelings.

as mentioned earlier, he’s very in tune with his own thoughts. he’s not going to hide from them forever.

having approached you with his confession laid out neatly in his mind, alhaitham is rendered speechless as he’s met with that same feeling of desire he always felt around you.

except now it was more intense, blooming within him and causing him to belt out his confession in a rather strange way.

you could’ve sworn he was lecturing you, judging by the way he spoke.

after you processed his words, you accepted and returned his confession with that same sweet smile he adored.

and here you two are now. a happy couple. all according to alhaitham’s strategic plan that he definitely did not spend hours upon hours perfecting and agonising over.

now, having alhaitham as your boyfriend comes with a lot of things.

first of all, his love languages are quality time and acts of service.

even you being in the room with him while he works is enough for him. bonus points if you sit on his lap while he reads.

speaking of work, do you need help with yours? alhaitham’s a scholar, well versed in many fields. have a report you’re dreading to write up? alhaitham will try his best to help, lending you resources and giving you pointers along the way.

also he’s a touchy guy. not in the sense that he’s emotional, i mean he’s a cuddlebug.

loves to touch you in any sort of way. interpret that however you like, but i’m talking about linked pinkies while walking through sumeru city, fingers gently caring through your hair while he reads, and throwing his leg over you while you both sleep.

“i’m clingy? not at all, i simply want to keep you in my sights lest you get into any trouble. what’s that? i’m in denial? hm… then i will refrain from touching you. no, no, you’ve lost your chances now, darling.”

pet names are another thing. he doesn’t really use em. maybe the occasional “darling” or “dear” now and then, but most of the time, he’ll address you by your name.

but the way he does it still has you blushing all the same.

he likes seeing you wearing his clothes. at first, he was confused, however.

“i don’t understand. you have your own clothes that are perfectly suitable, and yet you wear mine anyways? …alright, then.”

yep, he secretly loves it. will melt upon seeing you wrapped up in his cape, his cheeks tainted with pink.

not the biggest sappy romantic, if i’m being honest. how would’ve thought, right?

he’ll cook something for you both and have a nice dinner in the privacy of his home (having kicked kaveh out for the night).

doesn’t enjoy dates out and about, but will gladly take you to the quieter spots of the city. maybe the library for a nice reading date, the two of you cuddled together in a corner with a book each.

…though, his attention is definitely focused on you, rather than the text in his hand.

will literally do anything for you. yeah, he might tease you a little for it, but he won’t hesitate.

alhaitham’s always been sure of himself. whether people thought he was arrogant or just that self-confident, he didn’t really care either way.

but for you? oh, for you…

he loves you. he could never deny that.

“you are the only one who could ever make me feel this way. i love you, y/n. let’s stay together for a long time. dare i say forever?”

[mommyownsmee]

Hi 🥺 (idk if i can call you mommy, i don’t want to be disrespectful)

Do you have any advice for someone who is mot sure about their sexuality?

i have been always attracted to men mostly, but for few years now i have this feeling that i might be attracted to women too… i’m 23 and well when my friends and colleagues were experimenting with theirs sexualities i was nit a part of this ( strict and overprotective parents) and now that i have a freedom to experiment, theres no one to do it with. And i dint want to lead anyone when im nit sure of my sexuality.

Any advice maybe? you have this aura around yourself that ,made me feel safe enough to ask this, i hope i didn’t push or step over any boundaries.

🥺🙈

Hey sweety! ����𝒙

Of course, you can call me mommy if that feels comfortable for you! I'm honored that you feel safe enough to reach out with such a personal question. Exploring your sexuality can be both exciting and a little daunting, especially if you haven't had the chance to do so until now.

First, it's important to remember that sexuality is a spectrum and can be fluid. It's perfectly normal to be attracted to different genders at different times in your life.

I wrote down some tips for you that helped me too:

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Self-Reflection

Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings regularly. Reflect on moments when you felt attraction towards someone, regardless of their gender. This can help you identify patterns and understand your emotions better.

Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices can help you become more in tune with your inner self and feelings. Sometimes, our busy lives make it hard to notice subtle changes in our attractions and desires.

Past Experiences: Reflect on your past crushes, relationships, and attractions. Were there any moments when you felt drawn to someone of the same gender? Understanding your past can provide insights into your current feelings.

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Educate Yourself

Books and Articles: There are many excellent resources on sexuality and sexual orientation. Consider reading works by authors like Lisa Diamond ("Sexual Fluidity") or Emily Nagoski ("Come As You Are").

Documentaries and Videos: Visual media can be very powerful. Look for documentaries on LGBTQ+ experiences or TED Talks that discuss sexuality. These can provide diverse perspectives and relatable stories.

Websites and Forums: Websites like Scarleteen and forums like Reddit’s r/bisexual or r/lgbt are full of people sharing their own journeys and advice.

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Join Supportive Communities

Online Communities: Websites and social media groups can offer a sense of belonging and support. Platforms like Reddit, Tumblr, and Facebook have groups dedicated to exploring and discussing sexuality. I also have a Telegram group that you can join at any time.

Local LGBTQ+ Group: Check for local community centers or groups. Attending meetings or events can provide face-to-face support and friendships with people who understand what you’re going through.

Support Groups: Some areas offer support groups specifically for people questioning their sexuality. These can be safe spaces to express your feelings and learn from others.

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Take It Slow

No Pressure: Give yourself permission to explore your sexuality at your own pace. There’s no rush to label yourself or come to a definitive conclusion.

Exploration: If you feel comfortable, try going on dates or meeting people from different genders. This doesn’t mean you have to jump into a relationship right away; casual and friendly interactions can be very telling.

Experimentation: Experiment with your sexuality in ways that feel safe and comfortable for you. This could be through fantasizing, watching different kinds of media, or even engaging in conversations with friends.

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Communicate Openly

Honesty: When you start dating, be upfront about your journey with potential partners. Most people appreciate honesty and will understand that you’re still figuring things out.

Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with anyone you’re exploring with. Make sure they understand your situation and respect your pace and comfort level.

Feedback: Ask for feedback from those you trust. Sometimes, friends and close ones can provide perspectives that you might not have considered.

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Seek Professional Guidance

Therapists and Counselors: Look for professionals who specialize in LGBTQ+ issues. They can provide a safe space to explore your feelings without judgment.

Sex Educators: Professionals in this field can offer practical advice and information about sexuality, helping you understand your feelings better.

Support Networks: Some areas have networks of professionals who provide counseling and support specifically for those exploring their sexuality.

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Personal Tips

Self-Acceptance: Embrace the journey and be kind to yourself. It’s okay to feel uncertain and to take your time in understanding your sexuality.

Stay Informed: Keep learning and stay curious. The more information and perspectives you gather, the more comfortable you might feel with your own sexuality.

Community Resources: Utilize local community resources such as LGBTQ+ centers, hotlines, and support groups. They often offer free or low-cost services for those exploring their sexuality.

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Remember, there's no "right" way to discover your sexuality. It's a personal journey, and it's okay to take your time. You deserve to feel happy and fulfilled, and understanding your sexuality is a part of that.

I'm always here to talk if you need more support or just someone to listen. You didn't push any boundaries, and I'm glad you reached out. Take care of yourself, and trust your feelings—they are valid.

[heaven4lostgirls]

As much as I want to believe that it isn't my fault... I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.... like somehow... a part of me... a part of my childhood... a part of my mind that still believed One Direction would be back, died along with Liam... and hell, I'd not even want a reunion, if I can somehow bring him back to life... and on the other hand... I've been so out of touch with what's going on with the boys, that all these allegations on him... that too after he passed... it's tearing my mind apart... I want to tell myself that that wasn't the Payno we knew... the Payno I grew up listening to... the one who could bring a smile on anyone's face.... the dance master Leeroy... the one afraid of fucking spoons, ridiculous, isn't it..? the silliness... the person himself.... I'm not willing to believe that he... he got so bad... that everyone let it get so bad... that somehow I was a part of it too... idk... can't stop that nagging feeling....

As a fan of Justin Bieber AND One Direction, I'm truly scared for what might happen to Justin now... the Biebers have a son... I don't want to, can't, lose another of my favourite artists.... he was on the pedestal since a young age too, and has been through similar shot.... and I'm terrified.... (sorry for the side track)

Now AFTER his death when I learn about him being an abuser and how MUCH people bash him and be unempathetic about it.... I hate myself for even considering stopping supporting him and mourning him... honestly, that thought crossed my m mind... I went... "Am I mourning the wrong person..? Should I be happy that an abuser d¡ed... or sad that he was Liam.... or surprised that Liam could even do that, or empathize with him that it was his coping mechanism.... but it isn't good... but he was good... but he isn't..." and that feeling summed up in a few words beautifully goes like.... "I'm mourning a person who was a part and parcel of my inner child that didn't heal.... but that doesn't mean my older self blindsides his wrongdoings... I'm mourning what Liam was to me... and how his life had become.... also while sympathy with the victim.... who somehow ALSO lost someone MUCH MUCH more important.... her son's father..."

I'll come in with another ask to continue, also I fell asleep (with a lot of struggle) so sorry for the late reply... (sorry if I'm bugging you...)

it’s okay not to believe that it’s not your fault, there will be people out there to remind you, and with time i think you’ll start to understand that it’s not.

emotions are tricky, because your grief is so raw everything feels magnified. in time, and with healing you’ll be able to see the bigger picture.

don’t worry about it right now, feeling your emotions is so good for understanding yourself. it helps you process your grief.

there’s so many things about grief that doesn’t make sense. wanting liam alive doesn’t make you a bad person, there are millions of people on this earth that wish they could’ve changed his fate.

just because liam was an abuser does not make him any less worth being mourned. there are people out there that have done worse, that are alive and they still have huge fandoms and people that listen to their music.

and i understand the piece of you that died when liam did, i think a lot of directioners can understand that feeling. there is no one direction without all of the boys.

them losing liam was us losing one direction really, and that leaves a big hole within our childhoods and within a lot of our primitive teenage years.

as for justin, i’m not really in his fandom but i do enjoy his music. and i can empathize with your fear. justin’s clean from my understanding, and has been since he’s been married to hailey.

your fears aren’t entirely unfounded but i do think that it’s better not to work yourself over possibilities of what could happen if he relapses. it does nobody any good, especially you.

it sounds easier said than done but justin is the only one who has control over his own life, we need to let him make his own decisions like we did with liam.

we can’t control him, that can only lead to negative outcomes. he knows himself better than anyone else in his life and deserves the right to have his fans and people around him believe that he’ll make the right choices.

it doesn’t make you a bad person to have conflicting feelings about liam’s passing. i did, i didn’t mourn him really at all in the first 24hrs of hearing he passed.

my friends aren’t fans of one direction/liam so they were very much more objective about liam’s passing than i thought i could be.

i thought i had to react a certain way, i didn’t have any right to be sad because i didn’t know him, and he was an abuser.

that’s wrong, you’re entitled to feel however you want to feel. mourn him if you want, don’t if you don’t. it really is that simple.

you don’t have control over how other people react so there will be people out there that are less emotionally attached than fans are, but that doesn’t make your pain any less valid.

it’s okay to be conflicted, liam was a huge part of you. and yes, exactly. mourning liam does not discredit any of the abuse that maya went through.

don’t worry about bugging me, you’re always welcome!! or falling asleep! i just woke up so if you don’t mind me replying 6hrs later then we’re all good 🫂.

[despazito]

like i have such conflicting feelings about the pathologizing of mental illness nowadays and the culture it creates. i think the need to have ones dx, at least in my case, was driven by a fundamental urge for validation that what i’m feeling isn't just a phase or something that will sort itself out. i think women especially have had our pain and struggles so minimized, i had lows wishing i just had a broken leg so others could at least see my pain. i clung to my dx and feet like waving it to the world shouting its not just in my head!! i’m not just lazy!!

in some ways getting the dx is like getting a pedigree for your fucked up brain. like this isnt some backyard bred tiktok adhd, this is PUREBRED adhd with the papers to prove it!!! all these women like myself who were looking for a voice and affirmation through dx to prove they “aren’t just one of those girls who’s too sensitive and googled their symptoms”, but now that’s also created its own trope of “overdiagnosed girl in her 20s” and there’s a whole new stereotype to mock and invalidate. there’s just no winning, it really feels like our pain will never get taken seriously by society to matter which route we take to get heard we are dismissed.

but of course these slips of paper become vital if you need any assistance or accommodations, so they are incredibly beneficial to have.

my issue is the more i reflect, the more i do feel like many emotional disturbances or brain funkiness ESPECIALLY depression and anxiety are the result of, or at least become more aggravated, by unluckiness in your childhood relationships and the narrative we created about it. turns out you don’t need to be textbook abused to have adverse experiences, and a failure to have a healthy secure relationship to your primary caregiver fucks with you for life but nobody wants to talk about that. i do think we live in a society here in canada where parental rights to parent how their want is overstepping on the child’s right to have the healthiest possible environment to be raised in. i had spent years reading about the lifelong effects of parental deprivation or bad socialization in dogs and parrots before reading about it in humans, and i think we forget how much humans are also animals.

but the thing is you can work on relationships, you can begin to process trauma. when i tell myself “i’m a person with anxiety” it feels really loaded with a sense of finality that i will always live this way.. the more i use that language the more futile it feels about ever improving, when so often depression and anxiety are the result of deeper unresolved issues. I see so many people with phobias or fears resign to living painful lives than trying to work on any exposure or processing their fears. i’d still be miserable if i never worked through my intense fears of intimacy, i was perfectly resigned to a life of being alone and thought i was content with that.

turns out growing up with trauma can cause the same unfocused and disorganized presentation as clinical adhd.i’ll admit i didn’t like learning that one, as adhd already has so many deniers my kneejerk response was anger at my adhd being invalidated. but i think a lot of adhd people fall somewhere in between that venn diagram, and rejecting a traumagenic theory for some people’s symptoms means they will be prescribed the wrong treatment plan. and this is why all treatment plans put emphasis on talk therapy just as much as pharmacological intervention.

obviously some things aren’t the result of your childhood! your mom yelling at you doesn’t cause autism, but chances are if you’re autistic and had cruddy support you’ll face more adversities and mental health struggles than a good supportive environment. similarly, you could’ve grown up with all the love and support to thrive but one day your thyroid decides it’s time to make you feel like roadkill.

idk, what i’m trying to say is don’t corner yourself or resign from living life because of your mental health dx or think that you’ll never get better because you “have” this, chances are there’s always room to feel better. the most hurtful thing is our inner voice if it’s internalized negative language, and there’s exercises you can practice to drill more positive or at least neutral nonjudgemental language into your inner critic. because even if you have something that will never be cured, the way we talk to ourselves about it is a variable we have some power over.

the narrative part experiencing trauma is uniquely human. some people will experience horrible things and internalize the negativity or self blame, but resilient people have better prognosis because they have ability to frame things in a narrative that don’t assign self blame, and critiques the behaviour instead of the self. because so many complications and struggles arise out of kicking ourselves when we’re down. but the thing is this usually can’t happen on its own, we need to see this modeled by the people around us. but thankfully if we missed the boat, we CAN retrain that voice

anyway that’s my musings from my perspective. for anyone curious here’s a lecture that really resonated with me, its got some hard hitting truths i didn’t want to hear but sometimes you gotta hear things that make you uncomfortable

[rypnami]

Interview with a Writer

tysm for the tag @thefeatherwrites ! ily 💗

When did you start writing?

i’ve been writing little stories all my life, but i first started properly plotting/writing full ideas around 2016

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

angst. when it comes to writing, i’m almost entirely wholesome fluff- even when i try to write angst it always ends up being soft and sweet in the end. but i eat up reading peoples’ angst fics like there’s no tomorrow!!

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

other than some of my more talented mutuals?? ummm idk actually. i’ve always loved tui sutherland’s writing style (although that may be driven somewhat by childhood nostalgia). casey mcquiston is another author who’s writing i adore- i’d love to write like them.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

anywhere and everywhere. in the car, in my bed, cuddling on the sofa with my dogs, etc. it does make it hard to focus when i’m not in a quiet environment, and i’d love to have a dedicated writing space, but right now i just don’t have one TwT

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

i’m literally always thinking about my fics, possible aus, and all that. sometimes re-reading favourite fics, or watching good television, can help me stay inspired !

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

all of my fics involve a healthy dose of fluffiness. often with a liiiittle bit of angst mixed in, just to keep it interesting, but yeah. lots of wholesomeness.

it is a bit surprising to me, mostly because i’m not the most cheerful person around. most people who know me irl expect me to write sad stuff. perhaps fluffy work is my form of escapism

What is your reason for writing?

i just love it! i have soooo many ideas in my head and i adore getting them out of my head and sharing them!! even if not a lot of people read what i write, i appreciate the few that do and ily all so much 💗

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

all comments tbh!! i don’t get a lot so when i do i cherish it. but the ones that always stick out are the ones that are loving and show that the commenter really paid attention to what i wrote. i’ve gotten a few longer, detailed comments before and those always make my whole week!!

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

i mean just being perceived is pretty neat! but if my work inspires others that would also be cool as hell. so i suppose inspiring? one day i want to write something worthy of having art made of it or that people wait for updates for. i want to be valued if that makes sense.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

setting an emotional tone. i’ve been told im good at getting across the vibe a scene is supposed to have, or the tension in the air etc.

How do you feel about your own writing?

i’m certain it’s not very good- i always overthink and am a perfectionist. i can’t live up to my own standards, and especially after sharing a community with such talented and amazing people i feel a bit like i don’t measure up.

no pressure tags for some of my favourite writers!! - @girl-named-matty @audrxyweasley @therozpoz @myokk @blueraineshadows @cuffmeinblack @kaidynsarell

[theamityelf]

We’ve got enough Kamukuras to fill up a bucket or something at this point, lol. Regarding that, what’s your thoughts on a Kamukurafied Komaeda? I’ve seen peoples takes on him before but I’m just curious on what yours would be

Oh, I love this. More Kamukuras than we know what to do with. I've definitely seen some sketches of a Nagizuru concept, and those were awesome, but let me think, lol.

I feel like his luck has to do something during the surgery itself. Like, I think we almost can't have a character with Nagito's luck and say his luck was being chill during something as pivotal and time-consuming as the Kamukura Project. So I'm thinking the scientists made a small but crucial mistake on him that is both good luck and bad luck depending on how you look at it.

I'm going to say, instead of just removing his emotions and autonomous motivation, the scientists manage to accidentally give him super overactive reward centers. The rest of the project was a success. His emotions are still gone in most ways, but now, unlike most Kamukuras, he gets powerful hits of dopamine for completing tasks. He considers himself lucky, since he's enjoying himself more than the other Kamukuras, but the result also means that he becomes severely pleasure-seeking.

The only thing he can feel is reward. This means he is addicted to practicing his talents, but it also means he will go out of his way to use as many of his talents as he can.

The scientists initially write this off as a positive; feeling highly rewarded for a job well done means he's more engaged in what they ask of him than any of his predecessors. Sure, they're a little worried when he starts disassembling and reassembling things over and over, worried that becoming addicted to small, meaningless busy work will start to take priority over the actual things they want him to do. But he's still a Kamukura, and he still eventually gets bored of repetition, so it's fine.

They should be more worried about the disassembling part. The fact that he feels just as rewarded by tasks he himself creates, just as rewarded by work he himself makes necessary, just as happy to fix what he himself breaks, should worry them more.

They should be really worried about how easily he gets bored.

But this trial of the Kamukura Project (and if we're including every other AU in this, then I guess he's Iteration 4, after Mahiru's Iteration 3, lol. Byakuya I still see as more of a joint endeavor between the Togami Corporation and Hope's Peak, not nominally a part of the Hope Cultivation Plan, but rather a "separate" project, maybe called the Heir Enhancement Plan. He's still called Byakuya Togami. Then again, it would make sense for Nagito to have been before Makoto, since I could see Hope's Peak using a luckster and a reserve course student one year, then the next year's luckster as well. Maybe Mahiru got thrown in because she caught them dragging off Sato, idk. So, Iteration 1 is Hajime's Izuru Kamukura. Iteration 2 is Nagito. Iteration 3 is Makoto. Iteration 4 is Sato, but for right now I'm saying there was some complication and she died while they were working on her. And Iteration 5 is Mahiru.)

But this trial of the Kamukura Project is really pleasant to be around. When the scientists question him, he's very eager to answer the questions. After all, positive social interactions are highly rewarding for him.

He's extremely physically affectionate with the other Kamukuras, though Makoto is the only one who always tolerates it, so Makoto is the one he goes the farthest with, especially when Izuru isn't around to stop him. (Byakuya will also intervene, but not as regularly. And Mahiru sees it as respecting Makoto's autonomy to let him decide who's allowed to touch him.) He'll just be cuddling Makoto and nuzzling into his hair, and Makoto is just blinking and stoic. Bonus points if Makoto says something like, "I like it," one time when they do this, and it's the first thing he's ever said he liked. His first opinion ever, as Iteration 3, is that cuddling is nice.

(Izuru will be jealous of this. And Nagito would feel extremely rewarded by the accomplishment.)

Nagito Kamukura does not have compassion or all that much regard for the consequences of his actions. Because of his new analyst talents, he's able to plan ahead which courses of action will be the most rewarding for him, which means his pleasure-seeking isn't short-sighted, but if a course of action contains 5 guaranteed instances of pleasure and 10 possible negative repercussions, it is probably full steam ahead on that plan unless he can think of one with more guaranteed instances of pleasure. The only consequences that matter are ones that limit his ability to keep doing things.

In the at-this-point-inevitable event that there's some mass breakout of the Kamukuras, I could see Nagito staying behind to tend to the few scientists who didn't immediately die by Byakuya's or Mahiru's hand. Once he finishes bandaging them up so they're on the mend, he'll break an arm here, a leg there, so he has more stuff to heal.

[aroapl]

hello! first off, this ask is not at all meant to be antagonistic and i am genuinely coming from a place of wanting to understand. i've always been extremely for "people can be and identify as whatever they want, so long as they're not hurting anyone". what i'm struggling with is that last bit and the way that i am seeing some people using the aplatonic or loveless labels.

i am both aro- and ace spec myself, so i definitely understand not having emotions or attraction in the way that a lot of people feel that you should. and while i am pretty high empathy myself, i'm also friends with people who have low or no empathy and have no trouble understanding that that's just another way of existing and doesn't mean that you can't have compassion for people or treat people decently. my best friend has no empathy and is incredibly supportive and caring.

i also totally get when i see people iding as loveless because the way that our society (especially western society) uses the word "love" is so weird and definitely not universally relatable. completely understandable.

i've seen many people identify being aplatonic as meaning "idk i just don't really Connect with people in the way that i see most people talk about, if my friends all moved away, i wouldn't really be bothered" okay, cool. i don't Get it, but just seems to be a different experience.

where i'm really struggling is not to condemn or get angry at people who i straight up see saying "i'm loveless meaning i don't care about other human beings and if any number of people just died right in front of me i wouldn't care. if i saw someone in trouble needing my help i'd walk right past them. i hate humans". i haven't seen a TON of people express this, but i've seen enough to where i feel like they can't all be trolls, and i'm not sure how to respond.

i've also seen a lot, like definitely the vast majority of people i see pop up on my dash who id themselves as aplatonic, say that they feel horribly lonely and disconnected and just Can't make friends...therefore they must be aplatonic, and they should stop trying and be "naturally" isolated. a lot of these people also mention having past trauma, and a lot of them seem to be young teenagers.

now. i am of the opinion that identifying yourself "incorrectly"--eg, a young trans woman identifying as ace before she figures out she's trans because she has no interest in sex as someone who's seen as a man--isn't ever really harmful. not having sex with anyone isn't going to hurt you. briefly deciding you're a lesbian isn't going to hurt you if you're actually a trans man.

but these teenagers i see iding as aplatonic because they're unable to make connections with people but want to really worries me. if you don't have any close friends or even casual friends and are totally happy with that and id as aplatonic, that makes sense and seems perfectly fine to me. but i just can't make "i id this way because i'm miserable" mesh with my worldview, nor can i make "i id this way because i hate everyone" mesh either.

in the past when i've brought this up to people with the loveless able specifically, it's incited threats of violence, doxxing, and a lot of ableism, which tbh did the opposite of convincing me it was a harmless label.

do you have any thoughts on this?

(Little preface to say I consulted a server with a lot of apls and loveless folks in it to get a second opinion on how to respond to this. So, some of this is entirely my own thoughts and some is paraphrased from another loveless apl. This person did not want to be credited/named.)

I’m gonna start with my main thought on all these points, which is this: there are always going to be some people that identify with a label for the “wrong” reasons, and there are always going to be some assholes and some people you fundamentally don’t agree with in every label/community. None of these things ever make it okay to try and get rid of or police a label, to take it away from the people that genuinely find community, joy, and self acceptance in it.

A lot of what you’re saying here is quite frankly just classic aphobia, the same stuff a lot of people say/think about aros and aces just directed at apls and loveless people. There are plenty of aros that desperately wish they could like romance and have romantic relationships, and there are aphobes that think these aros are just mentally ill and that the aro label should be done away with to “save” them. There are some violently sex negative aces out there, and there are aphobes who think they speak for the whole community and that the ace label should be done away with because of it. There are people that mistakenly identify as ace and/or aro because they’re struggling with other things, and some of them isolate themselves because of it in ways that genuinely do harm them, and there are people that think ace and aro are inherently harmful labels because of this. 

Whether they truly are aplatonic or just falling back on the aplatonic label because of other struggles, some aplatonic people genuinely wishing they could make/keep friends and feeling lonely doesn’t mean that the aplatonic label as a whole is a problem. Like I said, people misidentifying in ways that do actually harm them in some way is something that can happen with any label. Also, trying to make someone drop a label that doesn’t actually fit them and force them to face the problem that led them to it before they’re ready to is rarely helpful. A lot of people in this situation would at best feel disrespected and upset, and at worst double down on their misidentification or have a serious mental health spiral over being made to face a problem they aren't ready to face. People wrongly IDing as aplatonic might find understanding and resources in our community that help them heal, they might be miserable the whole time they ID as apl and eventually move on and get help afterward, or they might learn and heal in other ways or go on to struggle for a very long time. Either way, it’s not the job of outsiders to decide someone is identifying with a label for the wrong reasons and make them let it go. 

(Also, a side note on this point. While aplatonic is currently primarily defined and used similarly to other aspec labels, there have been several other definitions that differ quite a lot. One of these definitions defines it as struggling to make or maintain friendships due to neurodivergence, or just generally struggling with friendship. Some people do still use this definition. Some of these people you’re talking about may be using this definition.)

Now on to lovelessness. Some of what you’re saying here gets into ableism, particularly towards people with personality disorders. Some people with personality disorders genuinely just aren’t capable of caring about strangers like that, or people in general. Some often aren’t capable of going out of their way to help people, or struggle a lot with it. That doesn’t make them bad. People can’t control how they feel. As long as they aren’t hurting anyone, people can feel or think whatever they want. Thought crime isn’t real.

Now, if someone is actually hurting people and using the loveless label as an excuse, that’s obviously not okay. The thing about that though is that taking the loveless label away from them won’t make them stop hurting people. They will just find another excuse, or stop bothering with having an excuse. An asshole is still going to be an asshole no matter what label or excuse they attach to it. On top of that, some people within an identity/community being bad people doesn't make it okay to vilify everyone that shares that label or get rid of that label/community. 

I’m genuinely very sorry some people have been ableist and violent towards you, that is never okay. I do need you to know though that despite what may have been good intentions, this does come off as aplphobic, loveless antagonistic, and a bit ableist. That can rightfully inspire anger and defensiveness in people with these identities, especially since many of us are already used to having our identities antagonized, disrespected, and demonized. Since you’re aroace-spec, imagine how you would feel if someone came to you and expressed these exact same sentiments, but towards ace and aro identities instead. Imagine how you’d feel if some came to you doubting that ace and aro identities should be allowed to exist because they’d encountered some aces and aros that were mean or unhappy in their identify.

At the end of the day, not everyone is going to share your worldview, and that’s fine. You don’t have to understand them or like them, or even get along with them, but they have a right to exist as they are even if you don’t agree with them or like it. If they aren’t hurting you, simply move on and focus your time and energy on the people and communities you do like and understand.

[fizzigigsimmer]

When does billy realise that Steve is just as good a ballet dancer as he is? Maybe they have different strengths and different areas they excel in but one is better than the other right? Sorry, I’ve read one too many fics where billy is better than Steve at everything and my inner Steve girl is frothing at the mouth. I love them both equally but people put Steve down too much 😔

Ooh I love this question, and I get it anon. I love Steve & Billy both for their own reasons. I think I write Steve better/get into his head easier, but that may just be my own insecurity talking. Billy holds a special place in my heart, but he’s also the character I relate most to so it’s just a different experience. Not a bad one, just not as simple. That said, it is SO WORTH THE EFFORT EVERY TIME. IDK what else to say I just love their characters, and character is a big part of why I write anything. When I plot I’m always most interested in the whys of the characters and how they will change over the course of the story, and everything else is secondary. Which is both a strength and a weakness. 🤪 I’m well aware that I can spend pages in a characters internal landscape without actually moving the plot forward.

So to actually answer your question: I don’t have the performance nailed down yet, but there’s this tentative stretch between them being rivals and deciding to be real friends where Steve is making an effort to be friendly to him and BIlly’s not certain he wants to take the olive branch; because Steve scares him. Eddie and Argyle he can keep at a friendly distance but he’s not sure he can do that with Steve, and Steve’s like “nope you’re stuck with me now just accept it.” Anyway he’s torn, until he overhears a bit of an argument Steve has with his dad and is worried about him so he follows him to the studio. Steve’s working on a some mix of combinations for class, blowing off steam and Billy’s watching him pour his heart into it and he’s just struck by it. Steve’s always been good. But that was different. That was electric. Like I can just hear him, “Where the hell have you been hiding that, Harrington?” He’s so pissy at the thought that Steve has been holding back from him. It’s like a personal insult. 😆

The beautiful thing about ballet as an art form is that it’s about telling stories with your body. That means you can know all of the rules and all of the moves, be technically perfect, and it still won’t mean you’re better than the next guy. There will always be things that physically your body can’t do quite as well as someone else’s: shapes, and float, that reads different to the viewers eyes simply because your body and your intention gives it different meaning. Knowing your body, knowing how to bend it, twist it, and push it just right to convey an emotion that your audience can actually feel requires more than just skill, but also self awareness, vulnerability, and an emotional investment on the part of the dancer. Because it’s acting. Only harder because you can’t use any words. And Steve is just better at this than Billy in the beginning. He wears his heart on his sleeve and throws himself into his performances, eager to give the people what they want, and proud of his ability to move them. He’s an expressive, open, and giving performer and a real joy to watch.

When Billy arrives at school he is better than Steve, from a technical standpoint. His technique is cleaner, he’s physically stronger and frankly he just wants it more. That’s because dance for Billy has always been higher stakes. They share a strong connection and a passion for it, but for Billy it has also been his only means of escape and feeling a sense of worth. It also connected him to his mother whom he couldn’t save or protect from the harsh realities/disappointments of their life. And you know what they say, you don’t get diamonds without pressure - so that’s where Billy is when they start. he’s a diamond in the rough and he’s as good as he is because he has to be, or risk being stuck in the same life that killed his mother and is slowly doing the same to him. But it’s a double edged sword, because he’s so focused on needing to be perfect in order to get out that he’s lost sight of everything else - the whole point of being alive in the first place. He’s closed off and walled in. He doesn’t even remember how to eat for pleasure without worrying about how it will change his body and affect his technique. He’s not living, and his dance while technically perfect lacks what the critics would call ‘inspiration’. You can’t make an audience feel what you’re too afraid to feel yourself.

Steve on the other hand doesn’t know what he wants. He’s talented, but he’s aimless and complacent. He’s grown up under the shadow of his mother’s fame as well as his father’s misogyny and subversive homophobia. In his father’s mind, dance is an okay hobby for a little boy to have while he follows his mother around, but he will have to grow up soon and take on a real man’s responsibilities. Real men don’t dance around in tights flipping their hair for a living unless they’re soft. You know?🤷🏾‍♀️ Steve’s dad won’t actually commit to “being the bad guy”. He won’t outright tell Steve to quit being a gay boy and give up dancing because that would make him a homophobic prick - instead he’ll just cut him down with snide remarks and discount all of his achievements while making it clear how disappointed he is in him. And as a result, Steve is stuck, and lazy. Too stubborn to give up the thing he loves entirely, but not confident enough in himself to own who he is and risk total rejection. The fact that he’s always been good and love and adoration has always been heaped on him in dance rooms makes it easy for him to coast, clinging to that high while on his way to his miserable life behind a desk.

Billy shakes up his world. Billy is proof positive that he won’t always be ‘the best’, that the love and attention of an audience is fickle, and he’s 1000% threatened by him. Which makes for some great initial friction, but honestly their love story is about realizing how similar they are, how good they both are, and how much they need each other. They help each other reach their best and I love that journey for them. 🥹

[dysfunctional-doodle]

YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DO THISSSS (well minus the evil clone stuff)!!!!! one time i got distracted by myself in the mirror and talked for about half an hour about stuff that didn’t make sense and then i stopped and realised. oh hold on. i’m supposed to be taking a shower right now. but at that point i had been talking so long i found it hard to stop lmao

for a second i thought you meant they were making motorcycle sounds with their mouths 😭😭

sad recorder noises 😔😔😔😔😔

(this donnie is written so sassily and dissapointed i love him here more than i do in the series (his voice kinda makes him more annoying to me… how does this guy voiced by one of the best vas in history have the worst voice in this show???? (although i guess that’s just my opinion (don was right rambling is great (adhd be damned this girl can go on very long and unnecessary tangents)))))

will always love how he just like. narrates his emotions or… sound effects???? idk what to call them. i think it’s thanks to him (and also lucy loud) that i say “sigh” instead of actually sighing (i also say shit like ‘smiling face emoticon’ or ‘sad face’ or ‘sobs’ out loud sometimes (wow i sure do love lore drops))

honestly yes that was a big oversight. i think there are like massive human hamster balls and i NEED to experience that please please please

HE’S LETTING THE CARDBOARD CUTOUTS BABYSIT THEM????????????????????????????????? AND IT ACTUALLY WORKS?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

leo honey. that is a cardboard cutout.

knowing this fic, this was definetly the right call

he’s figured out a way to get them to listen…

also THEMMMMMMMMMMM ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH <3333333333333333

this fic has me by the neck i swear to god.

also since i have one more image left i can send and no more screenshots to comment on i’m going to give you she/they mikey because even though i’ve posted her pretty much everywhere i can i. can’t remember how i was going to finish that sentence

anyways uhhhhh goodbye :3

(damn i had a lot more to say here today huh…. the urge to drop a random bit of information about yourself 24/7)

Firstly, love the drawing. All Mikey content is cherished here 🧡

Glad you liked the chapter! And I’m relieved you like the way I’ve written 2012 Donnie - I have only watched about four episodes of the 2012 show, and so I base a lot of his character on the Speed Demon episode. I do not like what they do with his character and the whole love triangle thing, a Donatello deserves much better than what he got. But I’ve been told from other ao3 users and anons here that they actually like 2012 Donnie’s character in my fic a lot, so I hope I’m doing something right lol. Idk. If anyone who has actually watched the show has any pointers feel free to guide me about how I write those boys :)

(I haven’t actually posted about this one being out yet, so those who are a little lost I’ve done a new chapter of my tmnt chat fic, Too Many Turtles)

[idkhow-but-im-here]

OK OK OK OK OK

I finally finished Good Omens season 2 and I have so many fucking thoughts which I will list in no particular order:

The Doctor Who references are always golden. (somewhat related: that part when Crowley was bullshitting about war regulations in front of Shax & co in the bookshop? super reminiscent of Ten’s speedy sci-fi jargon)

The music, as always, fucking slaps, especially at the end of each episode when the theme is played in a related style I love it so much

Nina and Maggie!!! I do really like them as a ship (coffee shop + record shop? that’s a built-in au fic) but I also like how they’re not actually together at the end. I love how they’re so healthy in how they go about their potential relationship, both acknowledging how messed up it was for Aziraphale/Crowley to meddle with their lives and how dumb it would be to rush into something headfirst regardless of all the shit they had been through both togther and as individuals. Also Fuck Lindsay all my homies hate Lindsay, as much as I liked what they did with visualising her shitty messages (the blackboard and crumpled notepad sheets? because of coffee shop reasons and how Nina’s work and love life was suffocatingly forced together by the incessant behest of Lindsay)

<The dancing/ball/Jane Austen vibes3

Beezelbub and Gabriel!?!? When I first came across this ship on ao3 I thought this ship made somewhat sense but would stay in the realms of fanon yet here I am disproven and I can’t lie… they’re kinda cute together. I was caught off guard (like every other character) but fair dues to them. Their parallels with the ineffable husbands are just ughh *chef’s kiss*

^alpha centauri!!!^

Peter Davison and Ty Tennant??? Their appearances did make me giggle for meta’s sake. Perhaps a Georgia Tennant appearance in season 3? (if they make it please please please say they’ll make it)

WAS CROWLEY ACTUALLY RAPHAEL??? I thought it was just a headcanon/fan theory (which I did fall in love with after watching this beautiful animatic years ago) but Crowley having access to classified files and the Metatron mentioning that an archangel being cast out has happened before??? it’s becoming more and more plausible.

AND JUST PRE-FALL CROWLEY IN GENERAL HE LOOKS SO HAPPY all he ever did was ask valid questions goddamnit (literally). nebulae are very pretty I would also be indignant if they weren’t gonna stick around for long. AND THE PARALLEL TO THE FIRST EPISODE WITH THE WINGSSS

Crowley just being a good nice decent person all throughout time (the goats, children, helping out elspeth, ect) it makes me happy

ANDD Aziraphale’s reactions (both positive and negative) to aforementioned deeds create a great moral foil to Crowley and perfectly builds up to what we see at the end (I’ll probably write about s2 Aziraphale in a different post because man I have so many thoughts)

Crowley’s callbacks to the date lunch at the Ritz!! Him talking to Nina and Maggie about taking Aziraphale to the Ritz again to him pointing out the lack of a nightingale (idk if that was leaning into meta a little but it didn’t bother me) just HURT so damn much

“Emotional damage support angel” you’re damn right he is/was

The battery-powered candles lmfaooo and literally any reference to the fire, including the absurd number of fire extinguishers, had me giggling

Muriel is a goddamned (or not so in some sense) treasure, a little ray of sunshine with a heart of gold and dumb of ass. I adore her and found Aziraphale and Crowley humouring her hilarious.

THE SECOND COMING??? I’m sorry wHAT WE ALREADY HAD THE ANTICHRIST NOW WE’RE DEALING WITH CHRIST CHRIST? YOU CAN’T LEAVE US WITH JUST THAT MR. GAIMAN

and of course the bloody

K I S S

THAT WHOLE SEQUENCE OF CROWLEY FINALLY FINALLY OPENING UP AND JUST BEING WHOLEHEARTEDLY HONEST (going against his predisposition and entire NATURE to lie/omit or walk around the truth)

CONFESSING HIS TRUE FEELING AFTER COUNTLESS MILLENNIA OF PINING EVEN AFTER AZIRAPHALE DROPPED THAT BOMBSHELL

AND HALF STORMING OFF BEFORE GOING BACK TO KISS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM AND THEN FULLY STORMING OFF

with aziraphale clearly unsure of how to react BUT STILL TOUCHES HIS LIPS IN SHOCK AS HE WATCHES CROWLEY LEAVE

That shit had me fully standing up on the sofa, arms in brace position, gasping, screaming, close to tears, indignantly repeating “NEIL GAIMAN!” every couple of seconds

Truly a brilliant scene and a brilliant season overall.

As always the cast, the writers, the set designers, the effects artists, the costumers, the camera crew, everyone who had a part in creating go2 was fucking fantastic.

[independent-fics]

Inde Watches “The Paranormal Hacktivity Job”

Leverage Redemption 1x05

Honestly I was gonna say faking a haunting with candles def would have a fire hazard (loving the house decor tho very cozy)

But lowest of the low faking a haunting with a dead relative just to get a house (one of those guys looks familiar to me and idk from where)

Halloween is like my least favorite holiday because I’m a big chicken with the scary stuff but love Breanna’s enthusiasm (Sophie makes a good point tho. Sophie’s autumnal decor choices are more my speed)

Loving Sophie’s fit once again

Sophie you housed people all the time before

“Agreed we’re not committing any crimes” ladies please

Harry and Eliot on a buddy trip this I gotta see

Breanna what is that accent

Parker what is THAT accent 😭

Who are they right now

“You say human brains like you have an outside perspective” …”squishy human things” “you mean emotions” I love them

I’m sorry Breanna are you using adobe illustrator to analyze this handwriting photo because it does not do animations like that? I can’t tell if it’s the show to show what they’re reading or Breanna supposed to be doing that

“No the moments past now” “…so” Parker just moving on hahaha

NOT THE PSYCHICS EPISODE REFERENCE

I’m living the attic

“You just happened to have a backstory lying around like that” Breanna it’s Sophie

For a split second that photo of big daddy looks like Hurley haha (I do know he comes back in this)

Sophie is literally walking these guys through their own con it’s wild they’re stupid

Dang I do feel bad I thought the girls house could at least be saved didn’t know the whole place was gone that’s terrible

Ah the mob or whoever these criminals are make more sense with these guys oof

I love Parker and Breanna giggling over Eliot breaking knees hahah

“There are some powers in this world that are stronger than we know” “yeah and we’re three of them” yes you are

New Orleans buildings are so beautiful with the courtyards goodness

Sophie is going hard with this performance I love how kooky this episode is

But these guys are so bad dang

Parker being like this is called the gloat the best part hahahaha I loveeee them acknowledging what we all called it (because I don’t think it was ever referred to that officially in the first show)

Oh well this took a turn

Okay the guy being called the wraith reminds me of a really good avengers/leverage crossover fic so shoutout to that

Most notorious? Sorry Eliot still holds that title in my head and that guy doesn’t even kill anymore

OOO THE POLITICIAN IS THE HIT OKAY

“You’re going out the window” “what” 😂

NOT THE HITMAN BEING SCARED OF GHOSTS BRO

This man thinking about the people he’s killed and not thinking he’s ever gonna get haunted? Like you chose the wrong career path bro

The realtor saying exactly what I’m thinking

A good weapon? That is not how you explain away killing (but that’s probably how Eliot explained it away once upon a time oof Moreau vibes)

OO PARKER COMING IN WITH THE MOVES DANG

Okay Brenna how many houses did you haunt

Yes hand the knife to the realtors they’re gonna handle it for sure (ig they’re kinda mob members but dang yeah man he’s rusty)

If I didn’t know Sophie was already kinda gaining his trust I would be so scared rn

What kind of notorious hitman can say he missed a mark because of a ghost

Wipes the knife. Doesn’t wipe anything else.

“You just happened to have fake blood packs on you?” “Of course I do it’s Halloween” Breanna I love you

The selfies I can’t haha

Wait does this con count as the white rabbit in a way?

Good luck in design school kid.

They’re real fun neighbors let me tell you

I’m loving them learning a bit more about who lives around them

“And we went trick or treating afterwards” love that for you

Breanna’s little “yess” heheh I love her

Hehehe I love them scaring them hehehe perfect time in the year to get to this episode

[gio-cosmo]

ooh, 14, 21 and 22?

Hiii ^^

14. Worst game you’ve ever played?

ooo this one’s tough…realistically, the worst game I’ve ever played is probably some low-budget knockoff wii game I played as a kid or something LMFAOO but I feel like that’s a predictable answer on my part. I feel like I’ve had pretty good luck with games I end up playing, I’m really picky so usually I just. Refuse to pick up a game at all if it doesn’t look interesting lmfaoo. I will say though….the two games I most regret purchasing are Fire Emblem Engage & Pokemon Scarlet 😭 they aren’t the worst games ever by any means but. They were both 60 bucks and I never play them. Very devastating for my measly bank account 😢 ALSO tbf I feel like the reason I dislike Fire Emblem Engage is bc I want another Fire Emblem game to kind of go along the same layout of Three Houses…not a direct copy obviously but Three Houses was just so good. It’s so good in fact that any time I play any other Fire Emblem game that ISN’T Three Houses I’m like….🫤 LMFAOO which I know isn’t a very good mindset for me to have and I should stop comparing them so heavily but…alas. BUT I suppose I can’t even really give Engage a proper rating since I haven’t finished it. Idk I just didn’t really care for the storyline or characters but that’s just me personally.

21. A game you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up loving?

There’s actually quite a few where this has happened!! There’s been a plethora of games I’ve seen on Steam or in a store and I’ll look it over and be like “ehhh this really doesn’t look like my thing…but it has good ratings…and it’s under my recommended…” and then I’ll usually set it off to the side, and once I get really incredibly bored I’ll cave in and buy it just to give me something to do LMAOO. Needy Streamer Overload was one where I was very skeptic about at first, but I actually really ended up enjoying it (I especially love the soundtrack!) and also World of Horror! I remember seeing people say it was boring and the game mechanics looked so overwhelming so I put off buying it forever, but I finally got it a few weeks ago and it’s probably my fav horror game of all time now. I’m mentally kicking myself for avoiding it so avidly for so long! I don’t find it boring at all, I love games that are built to be replayed as many times as you want. It was funny though bc when I first started playing I was so confused..had me staring at the screen like ☹️ LMFAOO I WAS ACTUALLY BEFUDDLED. But after a few playthroughs it ends up being easy to understand which I am very thankful for. ALSO. Slay the Princess!! Another one I avoided for a while for..honestly idek why. But oh my GODDD I LOVE SLAY THE PRINCESS WOOO YAYYY 🎉 slay the princess honestly was such a crazy surreal experience idek how to describe it. It’s so awesome. It’s coming out on the Switch w a 200 dollar collectors addition thingy and oh my god. Bro. I am DEVASTATED at my lack of funds 😭😭 I actually have to put it out of my mind bc if I think abt it excessively I get really sad 💔 ANYWAYYYSS SHOUTOUT TO SLAY THE PRINCESS 🗣️🗣️ so wonderfully made, beautiful artwork, stunning music…omg. Also grotesque at times but in a way that’s just so fundamentally different and unique? If that makes sense? It’s all so meaningful and connected and they manage to express so many emotions throughout a playthrough. I’ve got every achievement and I’m so happy I gave it a shot :) OH. Also One Shot! One Shot is great…oh my goodness. Woaw. This is making me realize how overly skeptical I am about every game I ever purchase in the history of ever LMFAOO why am I so overly critical 💀 like why do I always have to mull it over for months smh 😭

22. Do you watch any other gamers?

As of right now, no. Not routinely, anyways. I used to be obsessed with watching YouTube game playthroughs as a kid, but I’m not really all that into it anymore. However! I will say that what got me into the Persona franchise back when I was a 5th grade child (?!?!??) is Kubz Scout’s playthrough of it on YouTube! I watched him tons as a kid (someone should’ve been monitoring my internet access for sure 💀) and I still watch some of his gaming videos every now and then. So. Shoutout to Kubz Scout’s for introducing me to my favorite game franchise everrr!! 🗣️🗣️ absolutely crazy that I was watching Persona playthroughs in elementary school though LMFAOO every time I think abt it I’m like … where were my parents at !! 😭

[away-ward]

This isn’t a request more of a suggestion bc I know your writing doesn’t work like that but imagine a fic with Emmy talking to Will about her escapades with men over their time apart, or an ex of hers popping up idk I’m just so used to hearing about Will and his whore tendency’s I just want to hear about Emmy’s bc I know she was not celibate over the years, especially when he asked her if she ever had man in her mouth and she said she never had him in her mouth. I’d love to here even your thoughts on the matter. Ik that in one of your fics you wrote about Emmy being with her co worker in the past and Will was jealous about it.

Hey, thanks for the suggestion. To be honest, a request almost exactly like this is how I ended up with No Apologies. If you go back far enough, you’ll see I struggled with it back then. I’d probably struggle with it now, too.

I’ve recieved many requests/suggestions like this and I can understand why it’s popular. I really hope a fic writer comes into the fandom who is interested in this kind of plot, because I can see it doing really well.

I think part of the problem is that I’m just not interested in Emory trying to make Will jealous or upset. And this might be a controversial take, but I also don’t think Emory would try to do that. She has a tough shell, but inside she’s sweet and soft, and not interested in hurting others just because she can. If I were to make an honest attempt at a fic where they’re talking about it, it would be emotional and full of regret (on Will’s end; Emory doesn’t have anything to regret, but that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t also feel it.)

However, I can talk about why I don’t see what other people see when it comes to Emory’s potential body count being any kind of issue.

In Nightfall, Will says that he doesn’t care if anyone else touched her, she was his girl and that’s all that mattered.

Now, I know I just put up a large case for Will being a liar, but this is one moment where I think he was being truthful. He has a moment of clarity, where he’s able to tell what really matters and what doesn’t. While that moment might have passed, and he could find himself being jealous again, I think by the time they’re married, he settled with the things that have happened in the past and is ready to look forward. I don’t think he’s blind to the fact that nine years have passed, during which she could have done anything with anyone. What mattered is that they were finally in the right place and the right time, determined to see it through.

Maybe another hot take of mine, but Emory doesn’t have that high of a body count. I wouldn’t estimate more than five, and that’s stretching it.

I’ve discussed this briefly before. I feel Emory overestimated what college was going to be like for her. Maybe she thought that getting away from Martin would allow her to open up, but I see her still struggling to do that. A mixture of that’s simply who she is, trauma, and being heartbroken over Will leads to her not making strong connections. This is also confirmed in Nightfall when she’s able to make calls and realizes she has no one waiting on her. No one is missing her, which his a sad thought, but makes sense in a way.

It's totally possible that she’s attempted to have a “normal” life, going on dates or trying her hand at hook-up cultural, probably thinking similar to a lot of readers, “if Will can do it, so can I.” But there is a difference between her and Will, and I think she wouldn’t "enjoy" herself the same way he does.

The quote you mentioned, I didn’t take as confirmation, but instead as deflection. She doesn’t answer his question, only reminds him he never got that far.

A lot people point to that as proof she has more experience but I like to point to Rika, Banks, and Winter in return.

Rika’s body count was one before being with Michael. Banks’ was zero, and it’s unlikely Winter had sex with a man other than Damon, though we know she’s at least kissed others. None of them experienced any kind of learning curve where they had to improve their technique.

I’m not entirely sure if PD’s aim was to show that when it’s with the person “you’re made for” then everything will feel right and it’ll all fall into place. Or if they just didn’t want to write about women learning things or sex between a couple getting better with time or what. Regardless, I don’t see that quote or anything that Emory did with Will as proof she’s had a lot of experiences away from him.  

The way PD writes Will’s addictions lends to the idea that Women are grouped up with Drugs and Alcohol.

Since external relationships, or Will’s whoring around, seem to be linked with his drug use and drinking, it kind of points to that being a problem; one Will isn’t exactly proud of. I don’t see a scenario where Emory feels the need to bring up his past in a way to make him feel bad, or give him a taste of what he did to her by reminding him she had other people too. It would be the equivalent of reminding a recovering alcoholic of the horrible things they did when they were drunk. If you love someone, you don't just throw that in their face.

Emory accepted Will for who he was the day she asked him to marry her, his past included. It would be a shame if she were to keep this in her back pocket as a way get one over on him in the event of a fight.

And maybe my most controversial take: Emory doesn’t even think of those hypothetical men. Will does more than enough to satisfy her.

In Hideaway, Banks and Alex peek in on Will with another woman. Alex mentions that Will puts in the work in making his partner feel good.

In Nightfall, after Emory breaks Will out of prison and they’re in the back seat of the SUV, Damon parks and then, as he’s watching, says “Um…Wow. Okay.”

Damon.

Damon, who has watched Will with women many times before and has engaged with Will himself, sees the way Will goes after Emory, and this causes him to pause.

The first part I mention because it goes to the idea that Will might be the best lay of all the guys. It seems that he actually views the pleasure of his partner as a goal to achieve, as opposed to Michael or Damon who might view it as a curtsey on their part (except for with Rika and Winter, of course). Kai calls himself a “gentleman” but what does that even mean.

Point is, Will knows how to make people feel good. And now his focus and efforts are all towards Emory. Girl is livin' just fine.

I don’t think she would ever need a reason to conquer him this way.

I say all of this because whenever I get a request or an ask similar to this, it always comes across as if the goal is to make Will feel as bad as Emory did, to make him jealous of what she’s done. But I don’t see Emory going that low, and I don’t see a reason why she would. So writing something like that is a little difficult for me.

But like I said, if I were to take an honest crack at it, it would probably go something like

- The group is playing one of those truth or drink games (Will is sober so he always picks truth, but likes to all make it interesting by mixing it with like two lies and a truth).

-Emory pulls a card that is like “Reveal Your Body Count” or something and she immediately opts to take the shot. The group laughs it off, thinking it’s just Emory being private.

-Will senses the sudden shift in her mood, though she hides it well. He wonders if it’s the same thing that sting his heart. The reminder of the time they spent apart. The time they wasted not being together.

-It’s quiet on the way home. Will drives without seeing the road, lost in thought.

-Emmy, thinking he’s trying not to obsess over it, quietly whispers, “It’s probably not what you’re thinking.”

-Will looks over, seeing how she’s not making eye contact. He pulls the car over, coming to an abrupt stop that causes Emory to cry out.

-He turns to her and tells her that it doesn’t matter.

-Whatever she did to ease her pain or to enjoy her life, it wouldn’t change anything. Even if it were 50 or 100 or 500 men.  He’ll accept it because he loves who she is, and whatever she had to do to make her who she is.

-Whether she wants him to know, that’s her decision to make. He wants to know everything about her, but he’ll never force her to admit to anything she doesn’t want to. Never again will he put her in that spot.

-He'd tell her every time he remembers all the different women he used trying to forget her, he hates himself more, especially when he knows she’s aware of it. That he ever gave her the idea that someone else could have him the way she has him, causes him so much disgust sometimes he can’t look at himself. That she ever walked into a room and wondered, not if but how many women he’d been with…

-The number doesn’t matter; there isn’t a number high enough to make him hate himself less and there isn’t a number low enough that’ll make him love her more.

-Emory nods, because she didn’t know he still felt that way and maybe that’s for the best. She doesn’t know if telling him the right thing, but they did promise no more secrets between them and maybe it would make things better if he knew.

And because this is my head canon

-She tells him there were a few. She tried, at various times in her life, to see if she could the “normal” college experience, and get over it and move on, but it didn’t work that way. She wasn’t connecting the way she should; like she was there, feeling and seeing everything, but the experience belonged to someone else.

To me, this makes sense for her character; that she’d want a connection to make the moment real. It’s why Aydin went for her head before her heart. Emory connects with her mind, not her body. I think it would probably hurt Will more if he found out she had a close friend she’d been vulnerable with, revealed everything to, who’d been there when she graduated college and got a job and when her grandmother died. All those experiences that he’d never get because he was being stupid. He’s too familiar with the idea that sex can be meaningless, why would her having meaningless sex with some nameless fellows bother him? But anyway –

-She tells him and he’s quiet. Then he nods. Then he puts the car back in Drive, intending to pull away.

-Emory says wait. He looks at her, open and wondering, but not angry. She asks if he has any questions before the topic is closed.

-He pauses, considering. Finally, he looks at her again and says, “The only thing that matters is if they hurt you.”

-Emory’s heart swells, because of course that’s what he’s concerned with.

-“No,” she tells him. “The only thing they did wrong was not being you.”

And that’s how it would go for me. No jealousy, no rage. In my head, Will is already aware of just how much better Emory is than him, he doesn’t need to be reminded.

I also don’t think of his exploits nearly as much as some of the readers seem to. I just don’t care, because he wasn’t committed to Emory. He wasn’t doing anything that he didn’t have the right to do. If he had developed a romantic bond with someone and then Emory came back into his life and he tried to play one or the other, than would be an issue for me. But the way I see it now, Emory connects through her mind. Her developing that type of bond outside of Will would hurt him more. And Will is so causal with sex that him developing a romance outside of Emory would hurt her more. Neither one did that, so this isn’t a sticking point for me.

But I know it is for a lot of people and I don’t feel that my view is any righter than someone else’s. I do hope that a fic writer who wants to undertake that plot point comes in to give the readers what they want. It just won’t be me.

I’m sorry I can’t deliver. I still appreciate you coming to me and asking. Thank you.

-KO

[domjaehyun]

omg i was notttt prepared for smut in the first quarter and yet we're spiTTINGGG????? haechan u freak (me too i guess)

tbim making me feel so many things likeee it's all such a mess (which i love does that make me a masochist idk) and i feel so bad for every fucking character like yn is confused and haechan is a dick (in every sense) and winter is pretty self explanatory and then there's jeno who got dragged into it poor boy. and all of their friends myyyy god if i was one of them i would be torrrnn any decision they decide make regarding yn and hyuck it's like basically picking sides and i would feel so fucking bad if i had to

and i just want to add a tier of my fav your work of yours and idc if udc

1.pussy fiend (been here since it came out literally never leaving)

2.tangerine love (weirdly a very comforting fic likeeee what's wrong with meeee)

3.the boy is mine (new entry might even rank up based on the ending have so much hope for this one)

and i wanted the patreon contents sooooo bad but i live on the other side of the world and when the currency is converted its craaaazyyy im so sorry ill just have to imagine shit myself and support u morally ig if i am any help

OMG HEHEHE HI HI

yeah we’re spitting IN MY DEFENSE THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ONE LONG FIC I DIDNT MEAN TO COME OUT THE GATE SWINGING WITH SPITTING IN THE FIRST SCENE OF PART 5 😭 yeah me too that’s hot hehe

I’M SO HAPPY YOU SAID THAT that means im doing something right :D I DONT THINK IT MAKES YOU A MASOCHIST it makes you human. it makes you curious. feeling emotions is what makes life worth living (and hopefully the good emotions are powerful enough to make you stick through the bad ones) so wanting to read complex situations with a myriad of emotions makes total sense! it’s more realistic than, like, i am…… bc ideally i would never have angst ever ever ever only happy thoughts at all times :D and yeah they’re all going through it EVEN HAECHAN GIVE HIM A BIT OF GRACE!!!!

OF COURSE I CARE I LOVE KNOWING WHAT PEOPLE LOVED MOST OUT OF MY WORKS !!!!! now im going down 1 by 1:

1. pussy fiend — this is fair i love pussy fiend it’s perfect perverted lovesick haechan like what is wrong with that boy and can he date me

2. TANGERINE LOVE MEANS SO MUCH TO ME I ADORE IT HE’S SO . FJKGLDSJKGFJKLDKJ I CANT EVEN FORMULATE WORDS something abt that specific haechan is so dreamy. its one of the first times i considered like . him just knowing she likes him from the get go like in pussy fiend he figures it out at the end but in tangerine love he can tell like from the beginning and theres no playing around with her emotions, he’s just very earnest while still being hot and flirtatious and playful and i love that so much

3. HEHEHE well i hope it ranks up but i would understand if it stayed in the same place bc i am not sure how you want the ending to go,,,,, but i hope it goes the way you wanted!!!!!!!!! :D

AND i was thinking about this earlier but if you wanted to like . paypal/venmo/cashapp me the $6, i could share the tbim patreon content with you!!! like if you can’t do a monthly subscription i totally get it bc we’ve all got stuff going on !!!! i’ve already done it for one person and i wouldn’t mind doing it again!! if you’re interested u could come off anon and i could work something out w you? up to you though no pressure 💖 THANK YOU SO MUCH DARLING THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY have a great day ily 🫂

[suhyla]

Assalamualaikum my beautiful sister, I always find comfort in your words and idk if you will see this but idk maybe if you respond it would make me feel better, I just have been in some rough times for the past few years and I feel like I just cannot take it at times, I try my best to stay positive but some days I just fall into such deep depression. I trust Allah to handle my affairs but I always wonder what is wrong with me that things don’t seem to be getting better. I feel like I’m running out of patience and I feel scared that I am not passing the test of faith. I know Allah is just and I know He would never do wrong to me while I have faith in Him. I feel at a loss of what else to do, my heart aches and I’m under so much stress and pressure I dream of not being here anymore although I know I would never do such thing, the thought has begun to bring me comfort. I hope for Allah to be pleased with me and I hope He will answer me soon. I hope you are well my sister 🥹

Salam sister, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through so much pain. I can’t imagine what you’re going through and I pray that Allah grants you afiyah from all you suffer from.

As someone who has also been suffering for many years with unbearable pains, I will share what has given me peace in hopes that it may also help you. I have gone through things that most people would never go through, much less at my age. Some of these things have passed, others are very much a reality that I remain unable to change.

However, in the depth of my pain, grief, and fear, I have tried to stick to what I know to be truth: that Allah is with me. That Allah hears me and listens to me. That Allah answers my duaas, even if it takes years for those duaas to become a reality. Before anything else, you have to know that this is an absolute fact. Why? Because Allah says so in the Quran and this is what we learn from the Prophet ﷺ’s story and example.

Next, you have to start praying tahajjud. Before Fajr in the last third of the night. Just 2 rakaat. But I want you to make your sujood very long. I want you to treat every sajdah as your own 1-on-1 conversation with Allah. Your moment to take all your pain to the Lord of the worlds. To the King of Kings. Literally talk to Him the way you’re talking to me in this message. Cry to Him. Let out all your emotions and tell Him you need Him to heal you. That you need Him to change things. That you can’t go on any longer. I need you to be consistent and commit to praying tahajjud every night until things change. Because they will change.

The first time I began praying tahajjud I was also very depressed. This was back in 2017. Some of the duaas I made during that time were answered immediately. Some were just answered this year. I have even more challenges now that I have also been making duaa for without seeing any change. But I pray knowing that Allah hears every word. And that if He has not responded yet, then He has a plan.

And that is an important attitude shift I needed to learn. To take a step back and recognize that Allah loves me and answers my duaas. So if He hasn’t accept a duaa yet, then it is for a good reason. For a reason that will make me happy. But I have to be patient and trust that when the time is right, things will change. Patience is a muscle we all need to work on. I have constantly had to relearn what it means to be patient, to not react to my circumstances, and to trust in Allah always because if nothing else makes sense, then at the very least I know He is with me. Patience means you tell Allah, ya Allah everything’s hurts right now and I am in so much pain. I am sad. I am afraid. Etc. But I trust You. I know You will bring me relief. I have no doubt that You will help me.

Commit to all of the above until His help arrives. Because it will always arrive with patience. Patience is so hard. That’s why it’s repeated throughout the Quran. But if Allah has chosen you to be among those who are patient, then it means He loves you and He wants to show you just how much He will turns things around for you because of your patience.

﴿وَكَأَيِّن مِن نَبِيٍّ قاتَلَ مَعَهُ رِبِّيّونَ كَثيرٌ فَما وَهَنوا لِما أَصابَهُم في سَبيلِ اللَّهِ وَما ضَعُفوا وَمَا استَكانوا وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الصّابِرينَ﴾

And how many a prophet [fought in battle and] with him fought many religious scholars. But they never lost assurance due to what afflicted them in the cause of Allāh, nor did they weaken or submit. And Allāh loves those who are patient.

Sending you lots of love and duaa dear sister. I promise, even if things don’t change immediately, they will change. But what you gain by learning to lean on Allah and complain to Him will change everything 💗