#i have so many feelings about fengqing and this song

[pondprince]

The world is on fire

And you are here to stay and burn with me

DO NOT REPOST

[ripeteeth]

10 lines tagging game

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway!

Thanks for the tag, @likelightinglass!!! Like yourself, I'm doing first paragraphs instead. I've been struggling with writers' block over the last couple of years, so many of these are short or are wips (as noted).

zoetrope (mdzs, songxuexiao, 10k)

This is how it goes. I’ve been trying to tell you something. I’ve been trying to tell you something for a very long time.

blood, bones, and butter (mdzs, songxuexiao, 12k)

The day he meets them is a red-sky day. Of course, everyone knows the old saying: red sky at morning, sailors take warning, but Xue Yang isn’t a fucking sailor, so why would he fucking care? 

Revachol Calling (disco elysium, harrykim, 35k wip)

Spring is pale in Revachol. The May bells bloom first, then the daffodils, then the tulips, then the cherry blossoms. But the May bells always bloom first, promising warmth again. Spring is coming, they seem to say. Spring will be here soon, in showers of white and gold. It is nearly May. The winds blow thick with petals, like a late snow.

long slow love song (tgcf, fengqing, 3k wip)

The walk home is lonely. He locks his office door, and the halls are already empty, save for the sound of a vacuum somewhere and the effervescent buzz of industrial fluorescent lighting. His shoulder has a perpetual sag in it from the weight of his bag, and there are lines beneath his eyes that no amount of sleep ever seems to touch. 

impact (beyond evil, jwds, 2k)

He wonders how he’ll die. Some people can open a car door and buckle up without giving any thought to the way the chassis around them would twist on impact, the way the gear shaft might puncture through skin and sinew, and leave safety glass in a shattered constellation on asphalt. Juwon is not one of those people. He never enters a car without thinking about how he might exit from it, just as he always touches the outside of an airplane, just in case. 

shotgunning (kinnporsche, vegas/kinn/porsche, 1.2k wip)

When Kinn had been a boy, he’d had an old tomcat that liked to sleep in his bed. The cat had the run of things, coming and going as he pleased, crawling in through an open window as the desire struck him. Missing a part of his left ear and a patch of fur on his neck, he’d taken to Kinn for some unknown reason, coming to curl up at his feet, or on his pillow. He brought gifts to Kinn: dead birds and dead mice, dropped between his sheets. One morning, Kinn woke to pawprints in red, like a greeting card scrawled across his face. Hello, the red smear on his cheek seemed to say. I missed you. 

june hymn (ofmd, gentlebeard, 3k)

The room is large. A fine bed in the center, raised upon a dais, and windows on each side like attendants. Gentle air spills through the window sashes, bringing summer and birdsong. The dusk half-light casts long arms over the room, draping itself across the duvet like an impatient lover might. The birds sing evensong; Edward has forgotten how to listen.

Asterius (greek myth, theseus/asterius, 25k wip)

They say I am my mother’s fault.  Pah. What do they know? (They’re right.) 

A beetle skitters in the dark. I stamp my foot on it, feeling the carapace crunch between my toes and spit on my hand to wipe it off. My stomach growls and I look at the thing, thinking about eating it, but a beetle against an ocean of hunger seems pointless. I scrape it off and throw it in the corner. The rest run. 

bellyache (ofmd, steddyhands, 3k)

His mother had told him that he should keep his softness safe. The vulnerable underbelly of himself, kept safe for those he loves. She had kissed him on his red right cheek, just as she did every night when she tucked him into bed.

hapax legomenon (2ha, ranwan, 2k)

It begins on a sunny day, in the wide middle of a broad street. A crowded street is so busy as to be meaningless, and he is not paying attention. The heavy sack of groceries cuts into the meat of his shoulder, bruising his skin as surely as the plums in the bottom of the bag. He has not forgotten the milk. He has not forgotten the bread. Chu Wanning has gotten everything on his list, and he crosses each line item off with a black pen, feeling the bone-deep satisfaction of a completed task. A woman lifts her child onto her left hip. A man buys a bun from a streetcart. A train comes, and it goes. 

Tagging: @mia-ugly, @soft-october-night, @iodhadh, @itsevidentvery, @jouissants, @wildcard47, @reserve, @et-in-arkadia, @areyougonnabe, @perverse-idyll, @danpuff-ao3, @flanneryoconnorfanfiction, @weatheredlaw, @racketghost, @robotmango, @rcmclachlan, @pearwaldorf, @longstoryshortikilledhim, @veganthranduil, and anyone else who wishes!

[idrilka]

ao3 wrapped 2022

@microcomets prompted me to do a 2022 ao3 wrapped! thanks for the tag, claire!

Works Published: 14

Total Word Count: a personal record by a huge margin: 380,985.

Most Popular by Kudos: “awake, o sleeper” (207k), a ranwan modern cultivation au, in which mo ran comes back to sisheng peak after five years of absence, and soon later, chu wanning begins to be plagued by strange dreams.

Most Hits: same as above, by virtue of posting that monster of a story in chapters.

Longest: again, it was “awake, o sleeper” at 207k, which is also the longest story i've ever completed! i'm super proud of this!

Shortest: “the song of good hope” at 3.2k - a suitang futurefic i wrote for a small friend zine!

Fic that made me cry: i'm sure there have been others, but i read “grief. grief. handing you back your coin” by @it-goes-on last week and it made me ugly-cry, so thank you.

Fic that made me smile: “distraction management” by @sinsensory (26k, semantic error, jaeyoung/sangwoo) made me laugh out loud several times.

Events participated in: so many events! i participated in four bigger exchanges: mxtx exchange, danmei fanworks exchange, mxtx remix and yuletide; did two small server exchanges (one of which has yet to reveal); participated in the wangxian wlw week; took part in a small friend zine; and wrote two raffle fics!

Most Underrated Fic: i don't think any of my fics are underappreciated/underrated, honestly, because i'm really fortunate to receive a lot of incredible feedback, but in general, any and all small fandom fics are always a safe bet if you want to absolutely make someone's day with kudos or a comment!

Coming in 2023: ooooh boy, here we go... i have nine fics on my current to-write list: 1) the sequel to my yuletide king: eternal monarch fic, which i've already started working on; 2) a [redacted] fic for a small discord friend exchange i'm participating in, also in progress; 3) 5+1 king: eternal monarch fic about all the times jo yeong hooked up with other people (and the one he got to keep); 4) ranwan “sell your haunted house” au, in which chu wanning is a cultivator exorcist and mo ran is a medium haunted by the ghost of his dead mother; 5) fengqing charity auction fic for @lquacker, in which feng xin and mu qing continue to hook up every one hundred years or so for 800 years before they finally talk about feelings post-canon; 6) school 2013 namsoon/heungsoo roadtrip fic, because i really want to try writing heungsoo's pov and i love roadtrip fic; 7) my country: the new age 5+1 fic about seonho and hwi fucking across many years and two dynasties, feat. a lot of angry sex in the divorced era; 8) my country: the new age post-canon fic, because i know myself and i know i'll want to write one; 9) my country: the new age space opera au.

tagging @nubreed73, @perilously, @stickmarionette, @no-birdstofly and @daltoneering!

[puppy-phum]

Catching Up Tag Game

rules: answer the questions and tag nine people you want to get to know better/catch up with!

thank you so much for @foxofninetales and @jockvillagersonly for tagging me ♥ i took these two were the same thing lol so here goes

Three Ships: gonna follow fox’s example and choose something not dmbj even if my head is full of it!

hao du/wei shuyu/li leyan from the long ballad bc i can’t do love triangles. let them be a trio! let them all love each other!! also their chemistry is off the roof and i keep aching for the mess they are

seo hwi/nam seonho from my country: the new age bc i’ve been missing these two and the whole drama like crazy ;; they are just. so good? the whole friends to enemies to friends (to lovers) plotline is amazing 

cao weining/gu xiang from word of honor. which am just,,, straight canon couples? on my ship list? it’s more likely than you think (i blame all of this on weining’s starry eyes, i would die for him and a-xiang is just so perfect for him ;; sob)

Last Song:

as already mentioned in the tags of my wip tag game, Bahari’s Savage x (I keep doing these weird raids to bilibili at night and watching the same pingxie fmvs over and over again, it’s fascinating ghjfkdhg)  

another mention goes to Oneus’ Black Mirror x (this keeps getting stuck in my head bc it’s just so addictive and holy shit the mv guys, the MV!! i would like to pass away) 

Last Movie:

lol i think i could count Moonfall Echo here too. i dunno what else i’ve watched lately? oh! Time Raiders! i enjoyed that a lot and live blogging it to sierra was so much fun :’) ♥

Currently Watching:

The Long Ballad (probably my all time fave drama currently, it just keeps giving)

Douluo Continent (i have the last 10 episodes left but suddenly am scared to finish)

HIStory 4: Close To You (i was not supposed to watch this drama bc of the whole stalker trope in it. but somehow i was intrigued by the other story in this (fake dating!!) and bc of that, i’ve binged the existing episodes in the last two days. i think the last ep will drop on monday? i simultaneously hate and love this and there are so many thing in this that i would like to burn but then some small things that just make me smile so widely. also, i would die for teng muren. not that surprising tbh bc with his looks he reminds me of liu chang) 

Lovely Writer (started this bl drama as a joke, wishing to watch something cracky but this turned out to be very sweet? i was sobbing on like. episode 4? still some stuff that makes me sigh and roll my eyes but really gives back in many forms of wholeness) 

Currently Reading:

uuuhhh after finishing my thesis i haven’t really felt like reading lol. but i have read a couple of research articles about the mental health services in china and the overall stigma of mental health that exists there. i’m trying to write this short essay about The Journey Across the Night for my last course bc what better way to use my obsession than to plaster it in some uni essay? so that others need to suffer with me? :) yeah. i was reading those articles yesterday and just crying on my balcony sigh, we as a humankind should just burn 

any lighter books i haven’t read but fics yes. i keep checking dmbj’s tags on ao3 for new fics and read basically everything i can find :’D three latest faves have been:

What does fate have to do with it? by BlackwaterVial an amazing heihua oneshot about soulmates with soulmate tattoos that tell you the first and last words your soulmate says to you. i was sobbing at this at maybe 1am like a baby 

To bind a tiger and subdue a lion by @humanlighthouse the updates just keep getting better and i keep feeling so emotional about this ;; am so excited to see where this goes and how pingxie will end this careful dance around each other (also gotta mention here that i absolutely adore the title of this fic!)

cause it's easier to bury my head in the sand sometimes by @s1utspeare i love wu xie and li cu. i love this fic. i love you brigid!! pls i would die for every fic you come up with, no matter what it is about. this one made me so soft ;; can i just pls wrap them all into a huge blanket?

and that’s it! thank you, this was so much fun ^^ 

i’ll tag some ppl here then: @i-am-just-a-kiddo (bc even if i know, i still want to see it ♥) @ashenwren @fengqing @manhasetardis @momosandlemonsoda @wu-xie @jazthespazz @morksuns ♥ you can ignore me if you don’t feel like it or have been tagged already ^^ have an amazing day!

[muqiing]

thank you for the tag jasmin @cloudylotus ! ^-^

i’ll tag whoever feels like doing this <3

name: em

pronouns: them/her

star sign: capricorn

height: 179cm

time: 15:04

birthday: january 10th

nationality: belgian

fave bands/groups: stray kids!! but i listen to a lot of different artists

fave solo artists: woodz <3

song stuck in your head: under pressure by queen bc i’ve been listening to the bohemian rhapsody movie soundtrack hehe

last movie you watched: cloudy with a chance of meatballs, i’ve been revisiting my childhood by rewatching all the animated movies they suddenly threw onto netflix!! i rewatched all of shrek, puss in boots, how to train your dragon, now also cloudy with a chance of meatballs, and next on the list is spirit!

last show you binged: currently trying to binge woh but uni isn’t allowing me to do so >:(

when you created your blog: on my sister’s birthday in 2014 😆

the last thing you googled: “what are cities doing to make use of vacant buildings” it’s for my paper!

other blogs: i have two sideblogs, one for kpop which is @minhho and one for anime which is @joerry :D

why i chose my url: mxtx lied when she said all side characters in tgcf are straight i just know it because fengqing are actually married with kids (fu yao & nan feng) thank you for coming to my ted talk 😌

how many people are you following: *whispers* ¹⁴⁵ ᵇˡᵒᵍˢ

how many followers do you have: i just reached 3.9k yesterday!! if i reach 4k i might do a little something hehe

average hours of sleep: it used to be 7-8 hours but lately i’ve been doing revenge bedtime procrastination and i go to bed at around 1:30am but my internal clock (which hates me) always wakes me up at around 7am

lucky numbers: i am like xie lian, luck is never in my favor 😔

instruments: guitar (does one coldplay song on the piano count??)

what i’m currently wearing: flowy flower pants, white striped shirt and a long black sweater

dream job: *mental breakdown* < me too jasmin me too

dream trip: okinawa in japan!! also australia, south africa, canada, and new zealand! these are all the highest on my bucket list

fave food: i do love a good bowl of ramen, but salmon with béarnaise sauce and french fries is *chef’s kiss*

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in:

sk8 the infinity — i would probably have a restraining order from sia la luce and ‘S’ but i can live with that 😌

fake slackers — i would kill to be in class 3 they’re honestly some of the funniest characters i’ve read about

percy jackson —  don’t ask me why i just think it would be neat to be a demigod and i still have my camp half-blood shirt lying around

last song: we are the champions by queen

currently reading: guide at how to fail at online dating but i have not picked it up since....... january........

currently watching: word of honor :D

what is antipoetry to you: don’t ask my single braincell too much questions he is currently under a lot of stress

currently craving: a fruit salad so i’m gonna go make one (also a break from life pls thank you)

[yibo-wang]

Tag Game:

rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. put your favorite playlist on shuffle and list the first ten songs then tag ten people (or as many as you wish)!

Thank you for the tag eva! @xiaodaozhang Sorry I'm ages late!

Sunset | DAVICI (from crash landing on you)

Mansae |seventeen

Flower Scent | Lara (from Nobleman Ryu's Wedding) 😣 it makes me wanna rewatch everytime

In your time | Lee Suhyun

Lighting up your world | Janet Suhh from It's okay to not be okay (I love her voice so much)

Down | A.C.E

Criminal | Taemin (someone recommended this when I was asking for songs here and I haven't stopped listening to it)

Say you won't let go | James Arthur

Ghost of you | 5SOS

Pompeii | Bastille

(I shuffled two playlists cause one of them was all kpop. The last three are from my nostalgic playlist djfkfk)

Catch Up Tag Game:

Thank you for the tag Em! @fengqing

top three ships

wangxian: I can't get enough of them. I love them so much. Anytime I'm feeling a little down I could just watch a wangxian compilation video or just read another fic and it would make my day better.

hualian: would you believe that I've started reading tgcf for the third time in the last 6 months. ngl it's pretty slow progress this time but their devotion and love is so precious to me 🥺

wenzhou: I'm still running on the woh high and I stayed up till 3 last night to make wenzhou gifsets. I love them so much.

last song

undercover | a.c.e (I was watching the mv again then ended up seeing all of this song's dance videos because I'm obsessed with it)

last movie

US (my sister and I rewatched it with my parents cause it was my dad's birthday and we couldn't go out cause of covid)

currently watching

surprisingly nothing cause after finishing word of honor I finished crash landing on you with my cousin and I dont really have the energy to watch anything. I have a lot on my to watch list tho (especially need to finish the last two ep of itsay before s2, I will ayesha I swear!)

currently reading

2ha and tgcf reread (and as always my textbooks 😔)

tagging: @itoldconcreteaboutyou (I'm not over the url tifkfk) @xiaodaozhang @highwarlockkareena @purplexedhuman @leonzhng @lan-xichens @yiling-recesses @wei-gege

only of you want to, no pressure 🥰

[peerless-soshi]

Hello from ao3!!! There's so many prompts and I can't decide what to choose haha I feel that your last chapt left me thirsty so maybe fengqing and 75/92???? And if you don't like writing this kind of stuff maybe xuexiao and 40/96? I'm so happy that you're still accepting those requests :) And good luck with your long stories!

Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story.  

XueXiao: Almost kiss +Scars 

A/N: Yes, I'm coming back to life after the long break (caused mostly by my new job). Although I have less time now, I'm really determined to go back to writing and post more frequently. Big thanks to Anon who was waiting... months... for this chapter :)

Trigger warnings: Xue Yang being a killer and a creep (he was), some disturbing imagination, death mentions

Xue Yang tiled the window. Yi City broke in; fresh wafts of morning flowed through the coffin house, dust piles falling from the windowsill and flitting in the somber daylight, then fading. Xue Yang forced himself to draw a breath. Finally. The air reeked of wet that was neither dew nor rain, but it felt clean, and swept away the stinky dead smell skulking in the corners. Xiao Xingcheng liked the coffin house to be tidy, even if taking care of it was an idle job, so Xue Yang decided to grab a cloth and dust a little more before daozhang’s waking up.

Really, he wasn’t good at this – at playing house, playing nice – but he followed Xiao Xingcheng’s advises like a good guy. A good listener, and a better liar. You raise early, prepare water to wash your face, then put on clothes and smiles, take a knife – to chop meat in dices, just like Little Blindy liked. Xue Yang lived a quiet life, a fox holed up in his burrow, but he couldn’t complain. His patience was sharpening claws, curled up in the winter sleep. And it was getting hungry.

Leaving the window wide open to let the air in, Xue Yang leaned against the frame to rest. There was no sound but the wind. Then his eyes narrowed: he could barely see the buildings, the mist like a curtain over them. Recently, it was becoming thicker and whiter, he noticed, as if snow fell in blinding flakes, swallowing Yi City whole. Xue Yang could almost imagine them catching in his eyelashes, blinding him. Why? The mist was everywhere, the cold was unbearable, and he was in the middle of it. A cold chill run through his spine; Xue Yang blinked, shivered, and stepped away from the window. It should’ve been warm, spring was almost there, but no, it was cold. Too cold. The fox slept for too long, the winter was so close. Goose-flesh covered his still bare arms and his fingers, hidden in glovers and now cracked with cold, clenched on his wrists.

Waiting made him uneasy: he was waiting for warm, waiting for revenge, waiting all the time, waiting for Xiao Xingcheng, waiting…

Suddenly, someone shifted behind him.

"Who?” Xue Yang glanced back with some caution, but his face revealed nothing. The next moment, his heartbeat slowed down. “Daozhang. Did I wake you up?”

Xiao Xingchen slowly rose, sitting straight in the provisional bed made out of the coffin. His blindfold was awry in a morning disarray. “Don’t worry about it.” A smile. “It’s morning already?” A laugh.

A life.

Xue Yang remained silent. He was struck by how white Xiao Xingcheng looked in the morning: pale like rice paper, as easy to rip up, with just a few soft strokes of black hair and a thin line of a smile. His skin seemed to glow against the dark coffin wood and it was nothing like snow. More like a painting. Drop by drop, the snow melted and gave way to the warmth of Xiao Xingcheng’s voice.

“Hello?” he said,“What is going on?”

“It’s nothing.”

“What time is it?” Xiao Xingcheng repeated.

“Quite early.” Xue Yang finally said. He tried for a normal tone, a careless tone, not sure if it worked. “Sorry for the noise, daozhang, I only wanted to air the room. The hinges squeak, we should get new ones. Maybe we’ll go to the town later?”  

Xiao Xingcheng nodded but said nothing, then turned his non-existing eyes to Xue Yang. “Is everything all right, my friend?

“Of course,” he replied fast. Too fast? Clearing his throat, he realized how stiff he was. “Why does daozhang ask?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“It’s quiet outside,” Xiao Xingcheng said.“Nobody’s there?”

Xue Yang shrugged, then remembering that daozhang couldn’t see it added, “Maybe they’re afraid after that fierce corpses’ attacks. Who can understand stupid villagers…? Uneducated villagers,” he corrected himself. “They have their own superstitions, I won’t keep up with them.”

The whole city lived on things that Xiao Xingcheng didn’t know. But maybe he didn’t want to know. And fine, him and Xue Yang could be alone, and feared. It’s much better to be hated for what you are than loved for what’re not, Xue Yang lied to himself.

Xiao Xingcheng seemed to look at him through the bandage. “Where is A-Qing? She’s not there?”

“I don’t know,” Xue Yang whispered. “I think she’s playing with the boys again. So ungraceful. But everything’s fine. Can’t you see it, daozhang?” he asked. A little of the laughter rang in his breath. “Stupid question. I guess you can’t.”

As he grinned roguishly, he was rewarded by a gale of laugh. “You devilish friend.” Xiao Xingcheng gave him a face of good-natured scorn, checking the blindfold. “One day I’ll have enough of your jokes, so watch out.”

“Perhaps, but today is not that day.”

With a quick flick, Xue Yang closed the window and turned again to Xiao Xingcheng. Gray light deepened to darkness. He reached for a candle; the fire grew up on the cusp of wax and the air warmed, and became dense. Outside the cold was rising; inside the scent of death, sickening and old, wrapped around Xue Yang like a balm. He walked to Xiao Xingcheng, black shadows on all sides. 

“It’s still early. Go back to sleep.” His quiet voice dropped lower and his smile drained out of it like wine from a bottle. “You don't have to worry, daozhang. I'll take care of it, you just rest.”

But Xiao Xingcheng would not listen. He raised his head, higher, thinking about something Xue Yang couldn’t see. At least he stood up, letting his long sleeves to flutter like wings.

“Daozhang!”

“I don’t like it. Stay here, please,” Xiao Xingcheng said, more gently then he should. “Something must have happened in the city. I’ll go and check.”

“Stop it.You stay here, I’ll go and see if everything’s fine.”

“Thank you, my friend, but are you able to do it?” Xiao Xingcheng whispered a question. “Those villagers are counting on me, I can’t leave them alone.”And he read the answer in Xue Yang’s trembling hands. “You wouldn’t go, but it doesn’t matter. This is why I need to. Take care of yourself.”

The sudden realization stabbed, sharp. Xiao Xingcheng would never have come back if he had left now. He’d never have come back to Xue Yang if he had heard stories of fierce corpses… and if he had seen the truth… or half-the-truth… or Song Lan… and if…

Noticing that Xiao Xingcheng was holding his hand, Xue Yang pushed him, but almost immediately grabbed his arm and forcibly seat him in the coffin. He didn’t understand it, but daozhang’s voice sounded different than it did before. Somebody had lit a flame between sentences, started a fire. All of sudden, a smell of thousand dead bodies enveloped the room. It was strong. How many people had died here? The candle flame quivered, and Xue Yang’s heart became heavy. His grip strengthened.

“Just sleep, daozhang,” he said, his lips by Xiao Xingcheng’s ear. “Why won’t you sleep? I don’t want you to go.”

“Didn’t you ask me to wake up?” he replied. “What are you going to do now?”

Xue Yang stopped. He felt stupid. He wanted to tell Xiao Xingcheng to be silent, but instead he thought “stay”. Xue Yang craved Xiao Xingcheng to stay; to lie, to fill him with words and never speak again. To be here, and to die, but not really, just a little. He could do it, have Xiao Xingcheng all to himself.

Xue Yang’s body was very close to his now, almost too close, and his hands weren’t gentle, weren’t careful. Xue Yang was still holding Xiao Xingcheng and before he knew, he used all his strength to push him down. The wood under them cracked. This picture – Xiao Xingcheng sleeping in the coffin, cladded from head to toe in washed white like in a funeral robe – it seemed familiar, and Xue Yang knew it was wrong. In another world, he would relive the scene again and again and again: laying daozhang down, washing his face, brushing his hair. The air reeked of wet that was neither dew nor rain. It wasn’t water, it was blood. But the picture turned watercolor hazy, the borders blurred. Maybe Yi City has really made him blind?

It wasn’t time for this. Not now. Xue Yang released Xiao Xingcheng’s shoulders and moved to his hair, then neck, to the soft skin he was still afraid to explore. The light of the candle painted strange patterns on Xiao Xingcheng’s face – he was the work of art, white paper instead of white mist. Xue Yang’s breathing, close to daozhang’s ear, was strangely irregular. He smiled at that. This breathing was out of rhythm, strained, as if he was holding something back, something violent. What a lovely feeling it was.

And then, there was something like a click. Like a flash of light. Xue Yang’s lips were so close to his that he brushed them while speaking. “I just want you to belong to me.”

Somewhere in his head a tiny voice said, what are you doing? Get hold of yourself. Xue Yang ignored that voice, but before they locked in a kiss, daozhang stopped him.

“No, Xue Yang. You can’t do that,” he said, his voice veiled in a quiet reprimand.

“Why?” Xue Yang’s fingers once again tightened on the edges of the coffin. “Can you stop me? Can you forbid me? Can you push me away? I’ll tell you: you are not strong enough to take care of yourself, Xiao Xingcheng, and you’re dreaming of giving orders to me?”

He bent down again, tried to swallow. For a moment, each breathed the other’s breath. But the instant was over and Xue Yang realized he didn’t have a taste of daozhang’s breathing: there were no leaves and trees and no cold frost on his tongue. There was nothing. Because daozhang wasn’t breathing.

A line like spider-silk showed between Xiao Xingcheng’s brows. “I’m not the one who’s dreaming.” He shook his head slowly. “You should wake up, Xue Yang. I’m dead.”

Yes, his mind yelled, That’s right.

“No,” his lips whispered. “It's not true!”

Xiao Xingcheng was talking to him again, as if from behind a wall, words Xue Yang didn’t grasp the meaning of. He just stepped away, tripping over his own feet, and falling. That was the moment he knew, there is no going back. Everything had been lost. Xue Yang was nothing but a bundle of stupid, helpless despair, kneeling on the floor of the empty coffin house like in an absurd prayer. Everything had happened so quickly, much too quickly. He had no control. And he remembered, of course.

“Xiao Xingcheng! Xiao Xingcheng!” Xue Yang called, reaching for the hands that were too cold. “Come back, Xiao Xingcheng! Can you hear me? XIAO XINGCHENG!”

It wasn’t meant to be like this. Did it have to be like that? It didn’t. It should. Those thoughts were weighing on his mind.

Xue Yang wasn’t sure how long he’d been cowering on the floor. A long time. He heard the wailing wind again. Apart of that, he heard nothing. There was nobody in the coffin house. He was alone. No Xiao Xingcheng’s voice. Just himself… and the memory of what had happened.

When Xue Yang lifted his head, everything was almost dark. The candle burned out. But even now, his eyes fell on the long scar crossing Xiao Xingcheng’s neck – deep, irregular, and buried under the clean bandages. He had exposed it earlier, as he had been running his hand through Xiao Xingcheng’s hair. Once again, he was struck by how white Xiao Xingcheng looked: pale like a corpse, and nothing like snow.  

Of course.

Finally, he got up and walked over to the coffin. This time, he ignored the lips and kissed only the ugly, ugly scar.

 I am no longer here.

However, the body lying in the wooden coffin was the greatest evidence that Xiao Xingcheng was lying. Oh no, he was still there. Xue Yang grabbed a cloth to dust a little more before daozhang’s waking up. Xiao Xingcheng liked the coffin house to be tidy, even if taking care of it was an idle job.

[newstfionline]

In China, live-streaming apps soothe lonely souls and create fortunes

Yingzhi Yang, Los Angeles Times, Jan. 5, 2017

Cheng Lihua primped her hair, put on makeup and adjusted her gold-plated microphone. Then she got to work.

“You hurt me so deep that I can’t forgive you,” she crooned into the microphone, nodding her head to the rhythm. “Already knew our love is gone.”

Cheng, a 22-year-old recent college graduate, is a professional “live streamer,” a booming business in China these days. She works four hours a day and earns nearly $3,000 a month chatting and singing songs for an online audience of thousands--all from her bedroom in China’s far-northern Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region, where she lives with her parents.

Her income is nearly seven times the average for the region’s new college graduates.

China is home to more than 200 live-streaming platforms, which together constitute a $1.35-billion market, according to iiMedia Research, a Hong Kong-based mobile market research company. Almost half of China’s massive Internet-using population use live-streaming platforms--an estimated 235 million people.

Whereas Americans tend to use live-streaming platforms such as Facebook Live and Periscope to broadcast and watch events, similar platforms in China have emerged as a social-networking tool for millions of lonely hearts who are eager to seek comfort and digital companionship. Live streamers answer questions, offer advice, sing, dance, even eat their meals for all to watch.

In the U.S. and elsewhere, live streaming has emerged as a tool for social activism. At the Standing Rock Sioux Reservation in North Dakota, Native Americans protesting the construction of a pipeline have used Facebook Live to broadcast standoffs with police, a safeguard against brutality. This summer, a Facebook Live user in Minnesota showed the graphic aftermath of a police shooting of an African American man, sparking a wave of protests. People in Ankara, Turkey, have used the platform and Twitter’s Periscope to live-stream a coup attempt.

But in China, where authorities strictly control the Internet, live streaming’s explosive popularity has elicited a raft of new censorship and monitoring regulations.

Authorities have cracked down on live streams involving provocative dancing, coarse language and revealing clothing. Since July, the Ministry of Culture has been conducting random checks on live streams to ensure that any violent or pornographic content is taken down, according to the People’s Daily, a Communist Party mouthpiece.

In May, authorities banned “seductive” banana eating on live-streaming networks; whether one such performance went viral remains unclear.

In November, the Cyberspace Administration of China issued a heightened edict. Under the new regulations, users are prohibited from live-streaming any content that could “harm national security and undermine social stability.”

Chinese Internet firms have shown a willingness to play by the rules. Lei Tao, co-founder of the live-streaming platform Yizhibo, said the company recruited 300 censors to sit in an office in the northwestern city of Xian and check for unlawful content.

“The stricter the regulations are, the more benefits we’ll get,” Lei said. “We are good students in class; of course we welcome the teacher to manage naughty students more tightly. It will be better for the class as a whole.”

Chinese live-streaming platforms use a simple, yet strikingly effective business model.

Viewers open an app and find a stream that fits their interests. Then they can tap out messages to the live streamers. The messages appear at the app’s lower left corner, visible to all viewers. The live streamer can choose to respond.

If the viewer wishes, he or she can purchase a “virtual gift” using real money and send it to the live streamer. This is how live streamers and live-streaming platforms make their money. The cheapest virtual gifts--for example, a flower or cucumber--cost 3 cents on Yinke, China’s biggest mobile live-streaming platform. A more expensive gift such as a virtual yacht can cost about $270. On Yinke, the platform takes 70% of that money, and the live streamer gets the rest.

About two months ago, Zhao Zhenggang, a 22-year-old Chinese citizen living in New York, made about $300 by live-streaming himself talking about life in the city. Then he spent it all on virtual gifts for other live streamers.

Jin Fengqing, Cheng’s agent--and a recent college graduate himself--oversees more than 500 live streamers. He gives them monthly salaries and pays the platform to promote their streams.

He said 80% of the live streamers in his company are female. In job descriptions, he lists two requirements: having a smartphone and being pretty. “Girls can earn a lot by just being pretty and talkative,” Jin said.

Jin founded his agency, Nanjing Fanlin Media, in March. His only source of revenue is virtual gifts--the agency takes 5%, live streamers 35% and the live-streaming platform Momo 60%. There are about 50 live streamers in his company, and they can earn more than $14,450 a month; they keep in touch with and sometimes even meet their biggest gift-givers.

Jin said he earns more than $100,000 a month.

Some Americans in China have been riding the live-streaming wave. Lauren Hallanan, a 28-year-old fluent Chinese speaker from upstate New York, has been live-streaming on the Momo app since February. She uses the app once or twice a day for an hour and a half at a time. Last month, it earned her about $3,770.

Hallanan began live-streaming to promote an online crafts business but quickly found that she could sustain people’s interest just by talking about her life as an American in Beijing. Now, she has 216,000 followers and has added 2,400 every day since September. “It kind of blows my mind,” she said.

“Every day I have viewers asking me, ‘Aren’t all Americans really easy?’ ‘Isn’t the U.S. dangerous?’ ‘Do you just eat McDonald’s and KFC every day?’”

She attributes the popularity of live streaming in China to the country’s zhai nan culture. Zhai nan, a colloquialism meaning “homebody,” refers to young men who spend their lives chained to their home computers, surfing the Internet, playing computer games and chatting online. They’re stereotyped as scruffy, introverted and socially awkward.

Xie Pu, a Beijing-based technology columnist, said many Internet users see live streaming as comforting and economical. For a lonely man, buying drinks at a bar might cost hundreds of yuan, but buying virtual gifts for a live streamer is cheaper and could elicit a much warmer response.

“Watching live streaming is the easiest way to feel soothed after a long day of work,” he said.

But Jin, the agent, is concerned that live streamers will have to adapt quickly to keep up with the times. “A lot of girls cannot do it for a long time, because people will get tired of just looking at pretty faces,” he said. He’s shifting toward more “genuine,” rather than simply pretty, live streamers, as well as dancers and musicians.

Even Cheng is unsure about her future in the industry. Despite her steady income, Cheng said she might stop live streaming once she gets into a relationship.

“I just think it’s not so good to keep in touch with a lot of guys when I have a boyfriend,” she said.

[puppy-phum]

thank you @jazthespazz for tagging me ♥ am once again allowed to gush about music, how fun! 

Rules: we’re snooping on your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first ten songs and then choose 10 victims

let’s see how long this will become, shall we? i’m using literally my biggest playlist with basically everything and will take ten attempts shuffling it bc spotify is a bitch with its algorithm~

Noise Of Silence - NELL x

wow it’s been a while since i listened to nell but their songs always get me! perfect vibes! amazing lyrics!! am happy to be surrounded by a couple of nell (and epik high) fans who keep me fell fed with their song recommendations ♥ there is just something very comforting about nell 

I Don’t Want U Back - I’ll x

i think i’ve put this here before but am happy it’s here again haha. i adore this song and i’ll’s voice. i have many feelings about this song. it also keeps reminding me about summer somehow

Right Here - Chase Atlantic x 

i only just added this song on my playlist this week. i like the intense vibe a lot? also i just have this special place in my heart for aggressively painful songs

Only - NF ft. Sasha Sloan x

once again i will tell here that nf is the only rap artist i listen to regularly and get excited about. i love his style a lot. i love his aggressiveness while his lyrics rip my heart out. also i just relate a lot? and then he has these slower vibes too and gosh, i cry. (also this song just reminds me of my old nightcore days lol)

Orbit - Hwa Sa x

i was obsessed with this song before and after i watched the king: eternal monarch (which was amazing). this is the perfect soundtrack song. it’s graceful, epic, emotional. it’s a bop too and i never tire of it? and hwa sa’s voice is just amazing damn, just pure candy to my ears 

Rescue Me - OneRepublic x

onerepublic is one of those bands that have followed me form middle school. i just always love their vibes, the songs are just so empowering and freeing. this song makes me so happy. i would dance my night away to this song. also the mv is just? very cool???

Exhale - Sabrina Carpenter x

this song is way too personal (and i think i’ve mentioned this before too). i relate so deeply. i remember when this came up on my discover weekly and i just felt my breath leave me bc wow, this is everything i ever needed? (and this is also my xicheng song bc i think both of them would relate too)

No Mercy - PVRIS x

this i have probably mentioned here previously too bc this is just my ultimate liu sang song but. this is just so epic. i just want to bang my head to this. i want to drive through the town and scream these lyrics at ppl. god this is a good song. god i love pvris’ songs in general and in this essay i will

No Light, No Light - Florence + The Machine x

wow this song has been on my playlist for ages. i know this came from some fmv i watched at some point? also this somehow makes me think about shadowhunters but i doubt this was in it?? but definitely was listening to this back when i was absolutely obsessed with that show haha 

October - Jon D x

funny how i’ve been listening to this song in april :’D even if this has perfect october/autumn vibes. but it’s relatively new on my playlist and is just very lovely in general 

am sorry this became so long! i hope you can enjoy these if you end up listening to them? 

tagging with zero pressure: @ashenwren @zuyilong @underaswift-sunrise @fengqing @cross-d-a @humanlighthouse @jockvillagersonly and @s1utspeare ♥ 

[peerless-soshi]

U and O for your recent ask :)

Thank you so much for sending an ask! :)

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

1) Shizun aka Shen Qingqiu from Scum Villain: he was so frustrated with bad writing that his dying wish was to fix that one shitty novel, he acts cool when he has no idea what is going on, everyone believes him though he just screams internally, once he faked his death to avoid responsibilities and when he reunited with his future husband, who was also supposed to kill him, his first reaction was to jump out the window.   

2) Katsuki Bakugou from Boku No Hero Academia - welcome to therapeutic hours with Soshi, take a seat. I know many people wouldn’t agree with me, but watching BNHA turned out to be one of those rare moments when I could relate to a fictional character. I’m a boring potato, I hardly ever see my own reflections in fiction. Bakugou hit such a sensitive spot because I was also a “talented” kid, always praised by teachers, always with the best mark. And even though it may sound pathetic, dealing with failures when earlier people were making you feel special for doing your basic job like homework is not easy. It sucks. It’s a struggle to admit you’re nothing special. I was watching BNHA when I faced some harder moments and well... the timing was good. 

3) Hinata Hajime from Danganronpa 2 - I don’t know, there’s something about Hinata being a totally boring plain flower among this garden of individuality? I loved how his rational behaviour contrasted with other eccentric characters, his salty comments are very underappreciated, his struggles are very reletable and so human? He’s not the best, he works hard to be the best and it’s inspiring. 

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

No cheating, here comes the shuffle! And the winner is Hot and Cold by Katy Perry! I have a various tastes in music, ok?

“You change your mind like a girl changes clothesYeah you, PMS like a bitch I would knowAnd you over thinkAlways speakCrypticallyI should know That you're no good for me”

Tell me it’s not FengQing. Look into my eyes and tell me it’s not about them. Feng Xin even said that Mu Qing has mood swings like a woman in harem, confirmed in canon ;)